#we barely see our lis in this book wtf

[kazu-naito]

[crazy-loca-blog]

Hey! Been sick in bed for two weeks already and even though I'm feeling MUCH better (I'm getting up tomorrow! Yay!), I'm still struggling with some cough. Flu has become a major issue in this side of the world, especially for kids, so please get vaccinated!!

Of course, I've been making the most of this time and I've been catching up on a lot of books that were in my pendings (leaving them under the cut to avoid spoilers for non-VIP players), so I need to vent about them even though no one asked for it (The Ghost Of Us is pending because I’m still in chapter 3, and I want to make a special post about Open Hearts On Fire):

Hot Shot: Overall, I liked this story because I enjoyed the relationship between the MC and the LI. Even though the LI was a jerk at first, I think it's been ages since the last time we saw a straightforward LI (admitting they were falling for the MC in the middle of the book and not waiting until the last chapter? loved it!), who knows what they want, but who doesn't feel pushy or invasive. I also loved the respect and understanding the LI seemed to have for the MC when she tried to keep a hidden relationship because of the conflict it could have caused with her job. I mean, really, kudos to the writers for that. However, there were also things that ruined the book for me. First, this is one of those stories where we could have had more than one LI (I'm looking at you, Kels). The relationship with Adesh? Poorly written. And I'm not saying it because of his betrayal (I would never have talked to him again after that!), but because the writers tried so hard to make them besties and I'm sorry, but I had a hard time picturing them even as colleagues that get along. And then the ending... I mean, wtf was that?!?! What a terrible final chapter! From the writers pushing a "perfect" 30 diamond scene even though the LI was injured (seriously, I can't believe there was no mention of it during the scene), to the fact that we didn't see the LI’s dad in the final game after all that arc the writers gave us with him, and some details such as the MC "remembering" her life playing hockey (girl, you barely played ONCE in the whole story and there wasn't even a mention of your "career" in hockey), everything felt rushed and sloppy. Not a fan of it. And not a fan of the sequel either. This book should have remained a standalone.

The Deadliest Game: At first, I struggled with this story. The Deadliest Gambit was such a slow prequel that I had a hard time trying to connect with the book. But after I moved to The Deadliest Game and since the plot began to develop, I’ve been enjoying it a lot, to the point that it’s becoming one of my favorite new releases in 2024. Our gang is pretty smart (the weakest character is probably our nepobaby, Dante), and I like how the writers have portrayed Nick so far (he was a good person, but he was far from being perfect). Having to go back to the starting point right after we had discarded most people in the house as “the killer” felt like a nice change of pace, but to be very honest, now I feel completely lost about whom the killer could be. As per the romance, I’m not sure about romancing anyone yet. I gave Dante a chance because at first I thought he and the MC had a lot in common, but I don’t know. The relationship doesn’t seem to flow naturally after that first kiss, and now after a few chapters, Farah is becoming my favorite LI. However, I feel my MC is actually more worried about solving the case than dating anyone, so I might restart the book and remain single. PS: kudos to the writers for naming my country and the miners’ story lol

Filthy Rich: There isn’t much to say so far. Basically, the boy who broke our heart 10 years ago is back, he’s “filthy rich” and wants to date us. Also, the man happens to be a TV producer (just like the MC!) and he has the MC and her brother in mind to produce a new reality show that SCREAMS “The Kardashians”. Not a fan of the book so far; however, it’s only been 4 chapters, so I can’t really tell whether I like it or not. I like the fact that the MC can give the LI a piece of her mind, though. She hasn’t forgotten him, but she clearly won’t make things easy for him.

Along Came Treble: ohmigod what a headache! There are so many things I dislike about this book! First, I'm close to sending the MC to horny jail because she's just too much! Second, the LI. He is actually a cool guy, but the writers made him so similar to Raleigh Carrera (the boy band past, the tattoos, the rebel side) that it’s impossible not to compare them both (and if you love Platinum as much as I do, you’ll agree that Cai is not Raleigh). Third, the inconsistencies. At one point in the story, all of our belongings are stolen, including our laptop, but then, shortly after, we’re working with it? Fourth, our MC and the LI are way too different. Our MC is an intern trying to become a manager who cares about fame and recognition, and the LI only cares about his music. I’m not sure whether I see the romance between them having any future (but PB will definitely push for them to have their happily ever after). And finally, they’re trying to push the BD*SM narrative just like they did in Open Heart, by just adding a random scene that doesn’t make any sense, but this time, with a couple that barely know each other. What’s the point? Showing the LI is a “bad boy”? No sense! Funny thing, I think we’ve seen worse in this app.

Immortal Desires 2: I knew this book wouldn’t disappoint me. In fact, I binge read it in two days. The plot is very on point. I like how the writers reused the hunters vs. vampires’ conflict, but with new characters and a little twist that makes it look different and fresh. Also, the poly route is so *chef kiss* that I don’t regret choosing both Cas and Gabriel in the first book. Discovering both LIs past has been so nice, but discovering Cas’ new powers has been incredibly cool, I love them. However, there are many things I still don’t understand. The book constantly gives me the idea that Cas and Gabriel were turned forever ago and that they've been vampires for a really long time. Then why do their human pasts look so “modern”? I’m also confused about our MC’s abilities; I don’t think we’ve been given an explanation on why we get them (and I don’t know if we will). Is she some kind of special/gifted vampire? Is it because she doesn’t have a coven yet? I won’t deny they’ve been super useful, but not knowing why she’s been chosen to get the abilities just feels weird. Anyway, I can totally see a Book 3 coming (and PB has already been giving some hints), there is most definitely room for new plots.

[britishchick09]

my little pony: a new generation livewatch

what’s even better than livewatches being back after 2 months? mlp g5 being here!!! i haven’t watched g4 since the midway point of season 6, but i’ve kept up with all the pony news on equestria daily. at first i wasn’t too excited about g5, but since more clips and info have come out, i’m pumped to get the party started! :D

the orchestra is beautiful! very disney :D

IZZY BALL!!!! :D

HOLY FRICK TWI??????? :O

YAAAAAS!!!!! :D

i bet this is the show sunny watched as a foal! :D

twilight: “we’re the guardians of friendship! with the power of our friendship we will...” pinkie: “spread love!” flutters: “give hugs :)” rarity: “FRY BRAINS!” this is so sailor mo- WAIT WHAT DID RARES SAY????

did this just turn into a pony.mov video? or propaganda?

aww they’re playing!! :D

i didn’t expect sprout to be here!

OMG HITCH DEFEND SUNNY GEEZ

sprout wants to play pegasus bbq WUT

sprout kicked the rainbow dash doll RUDE

phyllis: ”you’re brainwashing their minds!” argyle: “it’s called research, phillys. and by the way, i leave all the brainwashing to you!” OHHHH NOT YET DEAD DAD JUST ROASTED HER!!!! :D

sprout wants to ‘keep everypony in line’ when he’s sheriff BOI

aww sunny wants her dad to see the unicorns and pegasi with her! :’)

OMG THIS IS SO CUTE!!!!!! :D

not even 5 minutes in and there’s feels!

twilight is ‘as bright as the sun’! :D

besties! :D

SUNNY SAID ‘PEGASUSES’ AWWWW!!!!!! :D

beautiful! :D

argyle: “one day, we’ll figure it out... together :)” OMG FEELS :’(

OMG THEY SAID ‘HOOF TO HEART’!!!! :’(

argyle: “good night, my little pony :)” roll credits! :D

sunny to her mane 6 toys: “good night, friends.” OMG!!!! :’)

things have changed around here! :o

sunny’s hair is like anna’s bed head! :D

:(

argyle’s death is sadder than most disney parent deaths and it’s just implied! :(

awww sunny said ‘wish me luck!’ to her dad’s photo! :)

ooh she’s a skater! :D

and this song is pretty cool! :D

sprout’s still alive :/

GEEZ HE JUST STOLE SOMEPONY’S DRINK!!! >:(

izzy? :o

;)

yay! :D

OMG THAT LONG NOTE THO!!!! :o

hey it’s hitch! :D

he’s sheriff! :D

aww he’s a critter magnet! :D

hitch: “give me some space.” the critters: *move half an inch* lol! :D

aww sunny and him have a hoofshake! :D

oh sprout’s a deputy :/

sunny tries to sneak into a show every year! :o

;)

canterlogic guy: “got any questions?” random pony: “where are the smoothies?” guy: “can’t answer that one.” lol! :D

it’s the show with propaganda devices! :o

rip balloon guy :/

hitch: “yikes, that’ll be a lot of paperwork.” omg lol!

THIS ISN’T YOUR DAY SUNNY

sunny: “let’s lend a hoof-“ *machine locks her in* “...that’s not what i meant.” lol :D

sunny trying to speak her mind while being trapped in a device tho!

DID SUNNY JUST SAY ‘EAT MY AAAAAAASS?’ :O

phyllis: “how do you think we should solve this? with hugs and cupcakes?” crowd: *laughs* pinkie pie’s about to go into a rage with that one...

omg sunny broke too many laws to count! :o

yeah sunny’s right hitch could be a good pony influence! :D

hitch: “all that unity stuff was just a foal’s bedtime story made up by your dad.” and a best selling tv show for foals in our world! :)

aww poor sunny! :’(

sunny: “...i wish you were here dad.” SAME :(

omg running ponies! :o

IZZYY!!!!! :D

izzy: “is everypony playing hide and seek? i see you!” aww! :D

hitch: “your kid is safe now ma’am!” pony: “...this isn’t my kid!” lol! :D

izzy’s never seen the sea! :D

sunny: “earth ponies hate unicorns!” izzy: “really? that seems a bit harsh!” yeah it does!

aww izzy’s skipping! :D

oh no she was captured in a box! :o

SHE PRESSED THE RED BUTTON! :o

izzy: “bye! it was nice to meet you all!” aww :D

hitch: “to the lighthouse!” sprout: *locks himself in the box* “oh no, i appear to be trapped!” hitch: “you’ve got to be kidding me.” lol :D

a smol bean! :D

aww sunny’s fangirling! :D

:)

she has so many questions! :D

izzy’s a great balancer! :D

hitch: “you’re completely surrounded!” *he and sprout are the only ponies there* lol! :D

izzy: *sniff sniff sniiiiiiff* sunny: “what are you doing..?” izzy: “you don’t smell!” sunny: “thanks! ...wait what?” lol! :D

izzy’s so cute!!! :D

ooh izzy and sunny have a song! :D

besties! :D

this sounds so 80s! :D

pretty scenery! :D (and balloon guy in the background!)

aww!!! :D

don’t arrest sunny, hitch!

sprout has pizza! :o

unimpressed :/

THAT SMIRK THO

hitch wants sprout to ‘keep the peace’ while he’s gone... hans much?

HITCH HAS ABS AND A PAID OFF MORTGAGE???

phyllis called sprout ‘sugarcube’! :o

sprout a literally foal child :/

omg sunny and izzy are in trouble! :o

and they’re in az! :o

zipp fab af! :D

wait how is she flying without magic?

she sounds kind of like rainbow dash! :o

zipp: “don’t tell them you saw me.” izzy: “there’s no way we couuuld we don’t even know your naaaame!” lol! :D

cuties! :D

so many moods! :D

the guard collects sneakers?

:D :D

check out the sony, cbs and t-mobile parodies! :D

ooh a royal celebration! :o

news host: “an excursive vid from pipp!” a news anchor saying ‘VID’???

look at those emojis! :o

aww izzy saying pipp’s slogan! :D

the queen’s...

a fluff ball???

there’s FAB, FAB AF and... fab phone addict!

cutie pipp! :D

aww cutie izzy! :D

zipp’s like ‘no no!’ and izzy just wipes her smile away lol :D

queen haven sounds like rarity!

queen haven: “nopony must know they’re here!” pipp: *INSTANTLY LIVESTREAMS IT* BOI

the guard took sunny’s book! :o

sprout calls his mom ‘mommy’... :/

sprout: *flings open the door* citizens! *door close* “AHHH!!!” lol! :D

somepony: “we want a real sheriff!” same!

ew sprout has a song :/

WITH HEAVY METAL YO

and NAZI IMAGERY WTF

BE PREPAAAAARED!!!!!!

PIPP PERFUME AD???

wowza! :o

and it’s playing on a big tv in the jail room! 101 much??

more like room 202 wowza! :o

zipp is here! :D

sunny: “i’m sunny!” izzy: “and i’m izzy moooonbooow!” lol! :D

the unicorns losing their magic ‘changes things’! :o

zipp has the journal! :D

their smiles though! :D

aww it was sunny’s dad’s journal! :/

zipp recognizes the star! :o

here comes pipp!

pipp’s here ‘for the content’ BOI

only royals can fly? zipp doesn’t seem so sure about that...

yay zipp unlocked them! :D

eyyy! ;D

aww hitch is beloved! :D

hitch is such a detective! :D

cutie bunnies!!!!! :D

BELOVED!!!! :D

hitch LOOK BEHIND YOU AT THE AWESOME MUGS!!!!

hitch: *smirk* “gotcha ;)”

zipp: “watch your step!” sunny and izzy: *fall* lol! :D

zipp found maritime bay and bridlewood maps! :o

wonderbolts! :o

zipp’s been faking flying? :o

WIRES AND LIGHTING???

wheee!!!! :D

she’s so happy! :)

omg twilight! :o

sunny: “oh my stars!” oms! :o

there are crystals!

beautiful lighting! :D

izzy: “we’ve gotten, like, a bazillion crystals in bridlewood!” wowza! :o

queen haven sings her own version of the mlp theme in the shower! :o

zipp is a spy at a pasta store! :o

press: “princess zipp! are you wearing-“ she’s not wearing anything tho...

press 2: “where’s the bathroom?” lol! :D

ooh a crown swap! :o

zipp: “swapping the crown will be easy breezie!” breezies! :o

zipp is gonna be queen since she’s older!

lies = safety in modern equestria... :/

pipp sounds like a modern pop star!

oh no the doggie suspects something! :o

OMG HITCH! :o

pipp’s song sounds like a blackpink song now! :o

aww hitch is wiggling! :D

oh no the power flickered out! :o

i think pipp was lip syncing since her voice cut out a bit!

lol hitch is singing! :D

oh no the wires have been exposed! :o

save her zipp! zipp: *doesn’t save her sis* ...oh :/

izzy: ‘her mom is the queen!” hitch to zipp: “you’re a princess?” zipp: “oh so the sheriff just became a detective.” lol :D (and how does she know he’s a sheriff?)

QUEEN HAVEN’T BEEN ARRESTED FOR BEING A PHONY PONY BALONEY!!! :o

and they lost the crown? NOOO-

oh thanks pissed off pipp! :D

oh no the princesses are gonna be arrested! :o

pipp’s voice crack is so cute! :D

the mane 5 is here!!! :D

hitch: “but i’m a sheriiiiff!” but you’re a mr. whiny pants!

construction isn’t going well in maritime bay...

OMG SPROUT SOUNDS LIKE DARTH VADER WHYYY

oh he’s just sipping a soda :/

phyllis: “oh dear. somepony’s getting a big head.” yeah you think?

zipp and pipp aren’t going through a good time right now but at least the scenery is beautiful! :D

hitch lost his badge! :o

izzy: “if you ask me, that badge was creating an unhealthy power dynamic! *sings guitar music*” lol :D

omg! :o

sunny: “once we find the crystal, you’ll get your magic back, you’ll have your fans and you’ll put me in custody!” lol :D

izzy knocked down a tree and saved the day! :D

it’s him! :D

zipp: “need some backup, sherrif?” hitch: “i’ve got it!” *barely makes a spark with some twigs* lol :D

cuties! :D

zipp called hitch ‘dude’! :D

aww izzy doesn’t want to leave her friends :(

OMG IZZY FOUND SUNNY’S MESSAGE!!!! :D

aww ‘hoof to heart’ :’)

hitch wants to do his part! :D

hitch: “the unicorn forest sounds pretty magical!” the forest: “is dark and scary* lol!

izzy’s house is stunning! :D

aww she calls it ‘la villa izzy’! :D

what a cool house! :D

the music machine plays the mlp theme!! :D

woah! :o

pipp: “i so wish i had livestreamed that!” sigh... :/

izzy’s song!!! :D

cutie!! :D

this song is so catchy! :D

smiley gals!!!! :D

lol! :D

hitch tho! :D

izzy rap!! :D

epic! B)

‘if we fail we’ll go to prison’ is really a line in the song lol! :D

the scenery! :D

izzy: “crystals! crystals! cryyystals!” lol! :D

people are depressed af around here! :o

british foal: “yoooou said a bad word! bing bong bing bong!” lol how random! :D

why is mayo a bad word tho?

they’re doing to a crystal dealer!

rubik’s cube! :o (it was also on the sheriff’s desk in maritime bay!)

and that pony is named alphabittle!

alphabittle: “deep talk for a little pony.” sunny: “you’ll find i’m average height,” lol! :D

omg he wants a dance off! :o

pipp: “feel the rhythm take you over! you feeling it?” sunny: “i’m feeling it!” DO YOU FEEL IT NOW, MR. KRABS???

epic! :D

yay she won! :D

OMG NO SHE DOESN’T GET THE CRYSTAL???

OMG hitch just said mayo! :o

they escaped tho! :D

QUEEN HAVEN???

and hitch’s badge! :D

queen haven wants them to ‘spin the story’ BOI

oh no queen haven and alphabittle are fighting over the crystals! :o

alphabittle threatens to use his powers but he doesn’t have magic?

sunny: “stop! you don’t have magic!” random pony: “bing bong!” lol! :D

omg...

aww cuties! :D

aaaaand......

it doesn’t work :/

maybe because there needs to be an earth pony crystal or a twilight star?

aww poor sunny :(

she’s about to cry!!! :’(

:’(

hitch: “i guess this is goodbye... friends.” zipp: “better hurry... sheriff.” :’‘(

sunny didn’t fix the crooked photo of her dad!!! :(

no she put her mane 6 figures away!!! :(

circle??? :o

the lights!!!! :D

CIRCLE??? :O

!!!!!!!!!

maritime bay hasn’t been treated too kindly i see! :o

oh no evil fireworks! :o

everyone has the unicorn mind hats on! :o

sprout is being treated like royalty now GREEEEAAAAT

and there’s more nazi imagery with that big mural of him!

sprout: “citizens of-“ *mural of him falls* lol! :D

the citizens didn’t want to fight in the first place! :D

OMG HE HAS AN EVIL LAUGH NOOOO

OMG ROBOT???

even phyllis thinks this is overdone! same mommy!

yay they’re reunited! :D

queen haven: “we need to get home!” alphabittle: “before we’re all jinxed!” queen haven: “excuse me, do you see my mouth still a-talking?” lol! :D

queen haven called sprout a ‘big robot pony’ lol :D

they need to stop it with magic! :D

sprout: “OH NO YOU DON”T” sassy man!

aww zipp has hitch’s back! :D

OMG SPROUT CRACKED THE LIGHTHOUSE??? :o

omg pipp and izzy fell! :o

queen haven saved alphabittle! :D

phyllis: “sprout! let’s put the toy away!” sprout: “mom, i’m in the middle of something!” lol! :D

HE WAS ABOUT TO RUN HIS MOMMY OVER!!!! :o

OMG THE LIGHT HOUSE IS CRUMBLING!!!!

omg! :o

aaaand it didn’t work! :o

magic of friendship it’s your tur-

OMG THE CRYSTALS ARE FALLING!!!! :o

THE LIGHTHOUSE IS FALLIIIIING!!!!!! :o

:(

everyone’s still alive though!

sunny: “it’s not the crystals that need to be brought together...” it’s us?

“it’s us!” knew it!! :D

yay choose friendship and love! :D

aww queen haven fixed the picture!

and so did alphabittle!

and phyllis!!! :D

uh guys what’s that over there...?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAAAAS!!!!!! :D

SONIC RAINBOOM!!!! :o

magic is back!!!!!! :D

they can fly!!!! :D

sunny’s flying with the princesses! :D

the unicorns are back! :D

the pegasi’s wings have such a pretty glow! :D

beautiful sunny! ♥

alphabittle says ‘hi there buddy’ to a little foal! :D

sprout: “mommy, was i a good sheriff?” phyllis: “oh look a flying dog!” lol! :D

hitch: “you did it sunny.” sunny: “no... we did it... together!” yas!!! :D

the gang’s all here!!! :D

izzy: “now we never have to be apart!” yay!!! :D

aww they all did ‘hooves to hearts’! :D ♥♥♥♥♥

balloon guy is back! :D

balloon guy: “hey guys! what did i miss?” *turns around and sees the mane 5* *SCREAAAAM!!!!!* lol! :D

and that’s the end! :D

besides the end credits scene...

;)

so that was the mlp g5 movie! i loved it a lot more than i thought i would and it wasn’t kiddie like g3. it was a lot like g4! the connection between that and g5 is awesome! the characters were fun and the story was really interesting despite it being a typical hero’s journey. it reminded me so much of disney! i can’t wait to see what adventure sunny and her friends have in store! :D

[murcuryretro]

3:09 a.m (est) 7-8-20

So JUST now, I was watching a T.V show called “Toys that made us” which actually inspired me to never stop dreaming. Althought the sales of toys have dramaticllly declined,the passion and creativity behind these toys is what makes them LEGENDARY. There are toys that will be forever KNOWN. Imagine creating something that never dies , making history as well. Amazing, truly inspiring. Now with that being said, decided to write down some of my thoughts before going to bed. Before logging in, the wifi randomly had cut off, cutting off the show I had been watching, and decided it was a sign to get on the laptop instead. I get on it, but to my “surprise” NO WIFI. I then ask my bf whos been sitting on the couch playing with his new switch for a few hours, pretty much since I got home from work Ive seen him sitting there and still is, IF he can please check the router. Anything the requires some brain power , is too much for him!!! I over loooked it for so many years, now its starting to bite me in the ass. He then gets up to check the wires, and ask if I had pay. I said no but its not due yet. Also even if it was overdue they dont CUT everything off until way after. ANYWHO, I use my hotspot so that I can check, and its not due until the 15th, SO AGAIN, i ask him to check the wires, because there were clear instructions on the screen about what might be wrong and it wasnt the WIFI it was the router itself. So we had internet , just wasn’t properly transmitted. So after asking him to check the router, he quickly starts complaining about the mess the last cable guy made, complaining how he cant turn it on and, giving me an attitude and a tone because he just can’t, doing the bare min, literally TOUCHED 1 wire and gave up, saying he feels better if someone else disconnects the wire to check, as he goes back on the couch, THEN complains how we HAVE To call them and give them a piece of our mind since we are paying customers. Funny thing is , when we says “we”, he means ME. He would never actually get on the phone and explain to a company his fustrations. It would be me, while hes most likely sitting on the couch playing video games or REALLY mad sitting on the couch not playing video games, because of the wifi. What bothers me most is the lack of responsiblity he takes on. Also like he wants to avoid all grown men responsiblities, its become the biggest turn-off and been thinking of ways to have real conversation with him without him getting butt hurt because he is very sensitive, also he plays victim and I cant let him do that. He is not a victim at all , in anyway, but the second i confront him about something he is trying to avoid, he plays victim. Im so tired of being the one that has to constantly asses every situation were ever in. Hes the man for goodness sake. In reality he’s a beta and I’m in alpha. which makes this kinda hard. Previous relationship , we were both alphas and as much as we did bump heads, we also agreed on a lot and learned things together as the are new to us. Other times, we both take the lead in situations and it was like working with 2 heads rather than 1. Now it feels like just 1 head with 2 people. And like they always say, 2 heads are BETTER than 1. I just feel so lost, because I’m so use to have a Man that can handle business without me, who uses their OWN judgement, I don’t even want to talk down on him, but as time goes on and were not doing anything for ourselves,I start to feel this hole, void, in my heart, something is missing, something is wrong. Why is he such a good person with a great heart but lacks what makes a person resilent. For years he has lied to everyone about having his license. Why ? Im not sure, not that I lived with him for a over a year, I know why, hes scared of real life responsiblities that he would have to handle himself because no one else will. No health insurance, even tho its free now in days, because thats just another responiblity he does not want or care to have, Even for his own health. UNLESS I push him, which I have brought up so many times, but I can not do it for him.Then his license, I have asked him to get it and he said okay, never did, asked him again, said he will do it, does it and forgets the date, then he says he will make a new date, havent heard anything about. I dont know how much more I need to annoy him about ?! Since I’ve met him  Im the ONLY driver, driving us everywhere. Any place, its me. Since 2016, its 2020. Not sure whats stopping him, He also brags a lot about the money he makes and he saves it, buys some toys for himself, and takes me out on dinner dates. Which I apprecaite so much of course, but I wish he would do more for himself. Hes just so scared of life I believe, I could be wrong, but thats all he seems to prove since Ive met him! Very sensitive and he likes attention. NEVER noticed that until a FEW people brought that up and I do see that very clearly now. Its hard to have a partner who only values what he says and disregard me. I can let him talk and I go along with it, he on the other hand, cant wait for me to stop talking and he never gives any kinda feedback because he wasnt really listening. Im getting pretty tired of it. Im starting to think I may have made the wrong decision. Whenever something is wrong its like I need to be the leader of the problem and fix it myself, and I think he thinks I like the idea of being the head bitch in charge but in reality its exhausting and just one sided. I have never seen him actually take control of a critical situation without my help. I always end up being the one to finalize everything, as if he HAS to go thru me. Which I do appreciate but it just also feels like he does it to hand me down the rest of the solution. Like NO! Once in a while would be nice if he did things that turn out fine, all alone. NEVER happens. I know of everything and mostly fix it myself.Even THINGS, Hes not hands on so things that would need a quick fix, something my dad would fix easily, john would have a total meltdown and give up fast as fuck. I thought having a person this gentel would be good for my soul but I think its the opposite. Since the day that we rekindle our friendship 2 years ago,I started using hard drugs, LITERALLY the day after we hung out at a show we were both at. I havent been okay since dec 2018 and i though dating him would make me feel better and help fix that void in me, so far, nothing.... I can see I’m stringing this relationship along and Im not sure if I should continue.I have very high hopes with living an amazing life with him, I always saw it in him , that WE would be perfect for each other. I think I based a book by its cover and the first two pages and ran with it. Without reading the whole book, and its not turning out so much as what I thought we would be. He quickly became like a grandpa once we started to date, and then telling me he didnt like when i went out, it was just so shocking considering that we , him, I and all my friends would go all the time, he loved he things I loved to do too, so wtf ?! He almost changed into a person I didnt want to date, the second we started to date. So confusing and almost decieved. Almost he faked how chill he was to get closer to me, It wasnt until a year ish later that I realized , I have been seeing only 1 side of him, the side he wanted me to see, and I loved it, and then the real him I didnt Know and frankly Im not sure if I really like. He loves me so fucking much, but I dont feel fulfilled. Something feels very off, I am missing something and I truly dont know what it is. I hope that we can help each other grow whether alone or together, I just want to know what I wanna do with my life and I need more motivation than what Im getting right now. I feel like im slowing my life down and going no where. I dont like it and I dont want this going on any longer.I NEED to find my way!!!! I hope hes there either as my bf or my friend and we work things out. wish me luck in whatever  I choose to do. THNXX  

[bat-lings]

Opinion on Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne relationship as a father-son?

ALRIGHT the human rambling disaster that I am struck again

Jump to the conclusion if it’s too long!

It’s just really hard discussing anything about Jason without acknowledging the sheer mess that DC’s whims made of him. To take that inconsistency into account let’s consider his relationship with Bruce from three angles:

Before Jason’s death / during his Robin days as portrayed before Starlin;

Before Jason’s death / during his Robin days as portrayed since Starlin and up until Jason’s resurrection, through mentions & flashbacks;

Post-resurrection.

Sadly enough the first era is the only one that bothers to portray a father-son dynamic with enough content to have a real opinion on, but I’ll take what I have. And what we have then is pretty great.

Jason’s Robin days

We’re in the 80’s, and Jason & Bruce’s relationship is the most ridiculously pure thing to have graced our poor souls. It’s soft and good.

They have great interactions, a real proximity, and overall bring a lot into each other’s life. Alfred and Bruce are happy to have another kid at home, and Jason is as much in need of guidance & of a family as any other kid. Jason doubts himself a lot and Bruce does his best to reassure him. He’s also is a teasing little shit and that’s great.

[Batman #377 || Detective Comics #579]

[Detective Comics (1937) #573]

JASON YOU’RE TOO CUTE. Also the tired dad feel is strong in that one lmao. Jay, lad, my son, my life,, what have you done to the newspaper,,,,

Ahem right, less gushing more commenting.

As you can see, Jason and Bruce’s relationship before his death/resurrection is pretty peachy. The slice of life sequences strengthen their father-son bond into the reader’s mind. We’re shown they’re father and son rather than just told so.

At some point Bruce’s custody of Jason is temporarily threatened, and that arc is a vivid telling of how strong their bond is.

[Detective Comics #542 || Batman (1940) #377]

Just. That whole speech. “Only Jason is real.” Definitely one of my favorite papa-bat moments.

And as Robin? Jason is clever, often brings valuable insight during cases, and respects Bruce’s teaching and authority. Bruce makes a good job at addressing Jason’s insecurities and guiding him, both through his training and by honing his moral compass.

(Note that I said honing, ‘cause Jay’s moral sense is very much present well before he meets Bruce. He was cool with stealing to survive but Ma Gunn’s school was too much for him.)

He’s initially nothing like the violent angry kid he’s now known as. Pre-Starlin, the only times Jason acts brashly is when confronted with his father’s killer. When Bruce addresses the matter, it’s not about blaming or judging him. ‘Cause he gets it, but it’s also his job to make sure Jason’s not compromised.

[Detective Comics #580 & 581]

And when Jason promises to keep himself in check, it’s all it takes for Bruce to take him back on the case. That’s how much he trusts him. Read the end of the issue and see how Jason proves himself worthy of that trust.

Not only does Jason understand Bruce as much as Bruce understands him, but he’s very perceptive in general. He tends to be straightforward with what’s on his mind… at least when it comes to calling out Bruce lol

[Detective Comics #579]

(They’re talking about Leslie on the last one btw. She was Bruce’s surrogate mom after his parents’ death and they have a great dynamic. Another pearl straight outta the 80′s!)

They get each other, they trust each other, they respect each other. Honestly Bruce’s relationship with Jason was the most healthy he’s had with any of his kids.

We can kiss all of that goodbye after Starlin has his way with Jason. And since Starlin’s “““characterization””” is the one that crossed the years, of all things, we can consider Jason’s initial portrayal pretty much retconed— and his relationship with Bruce with it. Shame, huh?

Of Flashbacks and Victim-Blaming Robin days, 2.0

From the 90’s to the reboot there is… few material about Jason’s relationship with Bruce. Or about Jason outside of his death/Robin.

Whether Jason is mentioned or appears in a flashback, the goal isn’t to recall a father-son relationship. It’s to drive through the point that Jason was reckless and violent. That new portrayal has its predictable impact on their relationship, and that’s pretty much all there is to say.

[Gotham Knights #43]

Obviously Bruce doesn’t trust Jason, since Jason is now a “reckless angry kid who likes to inflict pain on criminals”. Beatty delivers cool stories, but if you read that arc you’ll see that he lies it very thick when it comes to victim-blaming Jason.

Depending which writer/comic book you’re reading, it’s implied or affirmed that Jason is Bruce’s son. You’ll probably have a line about Bruce’s unending guilt, or Jason’s (*sigh*) recklessness. Mostly Jason’s a cautionary tale addressed to either Tim (who never gave much of a shit about Jason btw) or Cass (Batgirl #7 is a rare instance where it’s done without victim-blaming because Pucket is da bomb).

But there’s legit no material about Jason’s childhood in the Manor, or how him and Bruce acted around one another, what they talked about, Jason’s personality aside of “angry”, how Bruce addressed his son’s self-doubts – oh right modern!Jason is an arrogant brat who claimed the Robin mantle for himself so that’s out.

DC rolled with Starlin’s portrayal, and didn’t bother to construct anything else between Jay & Bruce to replace the parts they chose to erase.

[Batman (1940) #645]

The point is: Jason and Bruce’s father-son relationship before Jason’s death is barely spoken of. We don’t know shit about how Jason was as a kid. Bruce loved him but didn’t trust him since his “mean streak” made him sooo dangerous and unmanageable. That’s it. Jason is the bad Robin first, the dead Robin second, and Bruce’s son last.

Resurrection and onward

Jason and Bruce’s relationship post-resurrection is complicated, for obvious reasons, and has interesting potential. My main problem with it is that it’s seldom addressed after Jason makes his dramatic return in UtH & the arc is closed.

For all that I have a love-hate relationship with Winick’s writing, and for all that I don’t like everything he’s done with Jason, his narrative is mostly coherent (and a good read overall!).

Winick doesn’t talk outward about Jason and Bruce’s bond before Jason’s death, but enough is implied. Jason’s damaged psyche centers around Bruce and what wrongs Jason considers to have suffered from him. He reorganizes his entire identity and actions around Bruce.

It’s not only consistent with Jason’s mental health at this stage, it’s telling of Bruce’s importance for him. The same way Bruce must have been his world after he took him out of the streets, Bruce is still very much his world when Jason is on a vengeance frenzy.

Killing Bruce, taking revenge against Bruce, making a point to Bruce; everything is about Bruce. It’s the whole “the opposite of love is apathy not hate” thing. DC could’ve expanded on that and made it evolve into whatever, but they just, y’know. didn’t.

[Batman (1940) #650]

I like Under the Hood and Lost Days well enough except for the Jason/Talia ugh. Problem is, DC obviously had no idea what to do with Jason after that, so his relationship with Bruce stays at a status quo.

Post-resurrection Jason isn’t so much estranged family than an antagonist who makes some cool appearances here and there— when they’re not so terribly written that they make me cringe.

There are some other interesting things here and there, giving depth to Jason’s estrangement from Bruce & the batfam…

[Green Arrow (2001) #72]

… but those elements are few and far between, and fail to establish a solid construction/development of any kind between Jason and Bruce. UtH!Jason put on some interesting bases but afterwards? Jason as a character is stagnating, and so is his relationship with any member of the batfam.

And then there’s the n52 & Rebirth I guess. It obviously wants to deliver a father-son narrative, but doesn’t do great job at it. Again, aside from a few cute scenes, the “he’s my son but he does baaaad things” eternal dilemma, and Jason’s newfound proximity with the batfam coming out of nowhere (especially with Tim wtf), I didn’t find much content to have a solid opinion on.

(Salty) conclusion

My opinion of Jason & Bruce’s father-son relationship is that it’s hella cute pre-Starlin and that Winick’s version of it makes sense within his Under the Hood & Lost Days narrative (I personally cut out “bad seed Jason” and keep most of the rest).

I think we lost a lot of potential when Starlin’s work became the reference. I think the Red Hood and his baggage with the whole fam could’ve been richer and more interesting if Jason’s initial characterization was kept in mind.

Yes, Jason and Bruce’s initial relationship could’ve used some more tension/conflict in between the sweet moments but… as far as I’m concerned Starlin’s writing wasn’t the way to go.

I think the only way to build a coherent interpretation of Jason & his relationship with the fam is to make a patchwork of canon elements and to fill in the blanks yourself. Thus what I have on Jason & Bruce that takes the Red Hood into account isn’t so much an “opinion” on canon material than a personal construction.

I’m sorry Anon, I bet that’s not what you expected when you sent that ask, but it’s all I have to give :’) Hope the answer is still okay & thanks for the ask!

[readbythestarlight]

c2e89

The last episode of 2019 here we go

Oh my god our last ad of the year is gonna be anime Gail Force V

I hate this xD

Ashley is my favorite person

I have heard an Aztec death whistle and I both hate and love that

Scrying on our baby biiiiird

I hope she's okay....

LAURA xD

[[MORE]]

The plank king girl really?? xD

Poor Matt

Oh my god JESTER STOP

Is he... thanking her for apparently killing their neighbors??

To... the inevitable end huh? xD

"We will not meet again" that's promising

Jester drawing Beau's dad melting into a puddle... why?

Fjord, Nott, Caleb on a quick errand, okay...

Wandering past Solstrice okay... just to show it to Fjord and Nott.

And now there's creepy music Matt was that intentional.

C: "I was not going to be a soldier like my father and I was... excited. I felt like I was where I was meant to be."

He wanted to be a TEACHER omg

He would be so good

Happy ending where he ends up teaching at an academy in Xhorhas someday

Or here someday after Trent is rotting in the ground

Professor Caleb Widogast guys I want that as his happy ending

"You're a good friend" I always get feelings about Fjord and Caleb when they have little moments like this

Caleb honey do NOT

Oh DAMN Beau has become a master researcher

Aha... so this one is different than the second one Empire had

God that means that if the M9 hadn't taken the first one the Empire would have had all three

Jester: "are you avoiding me? Because I didn't save you?" Oh honey

This whole conversation between Jester and Beau is amazing

Jester right now is how fandom thinks of Molly and Beau is how I think of Molly

Oh no Jester has Molly's tarot cards now this will not end well

Gonna end the year on a brawler episode and I approve

Yasha: "I feel like maybe Beau would want a champion, maybe we do this for her..." Aw Yasha...

Fjord being such a nerd xD

Widogast's vault of amber huh

So he's hiding his books in amber now?

CALEB

WHERE THE FUCK

ARE YOU GOING

COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW

Christ

CALEB. WIDOGAST. Please don't. Please go back to the inn. Please don't go to the front door. Please don't knock.

You fuck your straight up lied when your friends offered to go with you you told them you weren't going to LIAR

god why didn't they insight check him

God what if she hurts him

What if she doesn't touch him but she SAYS things that hurt him

Goddddd

Ugh I love how Liam drops the accent to indicate he's talking in Zemnian now

The tattoos are important. They tie into whatever Trent was doing to them.

C: "I find myself wanting to... apologize. Still. So much of me feels like I... I failed. But... a lot has changed. And I know some things now that I didn't as a boy and... I'm so glad to see you."

A: "I'm glad to see you too, Bren. I mean it's been well over a decade but, we still often... talked about you, wondered where you were, if you were okay."

Okay so Caleb lashed out "that spark seen in you can cause a spark everywhere else" and then she touches some scars oh no he burned her

I don't want to trust him...

Wait, had to subdue him first what does that mean? That sounds suspect.

"You've defied all of our expectations.... if you feel like you failed then, know that everyone's path moves at different paces. You've certainly proved now that you are in no way a failure."

So.... does she know

Like she seems to understand and accept that she does bad things, but she also seems to believe it's out of duty...

Hm. I don't want to like her. I don't trust her.

"The return of the lost pup" I don't like the way she phrased that

This isn't going how I expected at all. I expected that she would be a lot more obviously bad (or good, I guess).

Like I mean she is the obvious choice for Trent to use to try and snare him again

And now Caleb's telling her that Trent is a liar, let's see her reaction

"Bren... I'm so sorry" and she touches him fuck

She seems... genuinely sorry for his pain and suffering, but she's hard about it in the sense that she just thinks it was something that had to happen

"To be gifted in a world full of hardships like this is to sometimes have to do things we're not proud of." I don't like that. We must do bad things because we're ~special. Bad.

"Other people don't have to make the choices we do because we're the chosen few who have to make the hard choices" wow yep hate that

She's totally brainwashed Caleb babe

At least she doesn't seem mindlessly devoted to Trent...

Does she seem to be repeating his name a LOT

Okay so that wasn't as bad as it could have been but I still hate it

Does Jester seem... kinda lonely and desperate for attention?

lol oh Fjord xD

J: "you're doing it with a weapon, right?"

F: "do you think that's important...?"

J: "..........yeah."

Jester is apologizing a lot suddenly and I'm concerned

Okay so at this rate we'll be starting 2020 with a brawl

Oh my god it's someone who fought with them

OH IT'S DARROW

I LIKED HIM

I don't remember his sounding like this lol

Oh this is gonna be so good

Nott

Please don't go where I think you might be going

Nott Nott Nott Nott Nott

PLEASE don't be going where I think you're going

Here I am on 1/9 finishing the episode because for some reason I didn't use the 2 week break to do that

lol Beau fighting some old man

M: "I'm just gonna kinda go pop-pop"

S: "that's funny because that's what his grandkids call him."

Matt: "go pop-pop!"

"He had gingivitis"

"He has pockets full of werthers candy"

"He's resistance to very good scotch"

that fight against the old man was painful xD

Okay Fjord vs Darrow, aaaand for some reason Fjord is going bare-knuckle

HOLY SHIT ALL THAT DAMAGE IN ONE BLOW?!

Paladin or whatever the fuck he is is the way to go wtf!!!

Darrow is a sweetheart and he felt so bad for beating Fjord up that he healed him I love him

Jester: "I missed it", she says, after telling advice to him in the middle of the fight xD

Oh Yasha... honey...

Is Yasha talking to her opponent or herself? Because I know this is punishment.

I want Caleb to be the one that first really recognizes what she's doing to herself here

Everyone's like "fuck how to we address this obvious trauma and self-punishment"

C: "I get it"

Ouch okay I wanted it but it hurt when I got it

"I'm ROBBIN THE HAT STORE"

Sam was just WAITING to drop that xD

Phew, finished 40 minutes before the first episode of the new year.

I hope they get to address Yasha's issues a bit more in the future, and by the future I mean soon.

On to episode 90!

[mittensmorgul]

6.01, Exile on Main Street.

Typically when I write these posts, I try to make a joking comment, or choose a pithy reference to put in this first line, but... god i hate this too much to make jokes about it...

DEAN is attacked by Djinn. Djinn: You made it through that last trip, so how about a big, fat double dose? Bad news -- it'll kill you. The good news? At least you'll go fast. That's for our father, you son of a bitch.

and of course, it's about dredging up daddy issues. These are apparently children of the djinn Dean killed in 2.20...

You might also remember I mentioned Sam's awful promise he extracted from Dean in 5.22, telling him to get out of hunting, go to Lisa and beg her to take him in? Remember that Dean actually did that, despite it metaphorically being a final act of cutting a part of himself off in order to live this terrible half-life, going through the motions of being just another normal suburban dude living a normal suburban life (which he's professed to hate the entire idea of going all the way back to s1?) and abandoning the last link to anyone who actually knows the "real" him when he cut ties with Bobby even, all because that was Sam's literal dying wish for him? Yeah... I've written a LOT about how much I absolutely HATED this entire narrative line.

This was what SAM had always wanted for HIMSELF. He wanted to just... leave the life and "be normal." Dean has NEVER wanted this. Well, maybe he had expressed that to Sam on occasion, in a "hmm, wonder what that's like" sort of way, but at the end of the day he was ALWAYS relieved to be able to climb back in his car and take off for the next hunt. And yet, Sam is SO FUCKING SURE that Dean had always secretly wanted the same sort of suburban normal life that he himself had always fled to every single time he had the chance. Except, Dean is a different person than Sam is, and he can't as easily just cut this whole element of his life out and pretend it never existed. Sam was HAPPY for the most part at Stanford. He never told any of his friends, or even the girl he thought he'd marry and spend his entire life with, about how he was raised and what his family does. At least Lisa and Ben are aware of what Dean's life before he met them entailed so he doesn't have to lie about his past to them, but it's still clear he isn't exactly open and forthcoming about the details. And he spends an inordinate amount of energy still trying to keep the whole truth of it locked up.

From the moment Sam shows up at Dean's house, it's clear that even after a year of "normalcy" that Dean is barely holding on. But this also all speaks to the Performing Dean mask that Dean had possibly sold to Sam just a little bit too successfully for his entire life. (but more on that in the report from 6.02, since that's the main takeaway from that episode...)

What I personally find fascinating with early s6 in relation to where we currently are post 14.20 is this whole feeling of a season-long runaround that-- much like the "we have to kill Lilith!" plot of s4 had proved to be a blatant manipulation. The entire Campbell Family plotline eventually becomes... wtf-laden. Between the "secretly working for Crowley" plotline, compounded with the "monsters acting out of character" plotline, compounded with the eventual reveal of Cas's involvement in the entire narrative mess because of his desperation to keep Dean out of the Apocalypse Redux mess brewing in Heaven... well, this season feels like it just randomly chooses moments to burn vast quantities of its own structure when it no longer fits the story going forward. I feel like a LOT of Dabb Era has been a direct indictment of this s6-7 narrative collapse, using the whole BMoL as the cartoonishly Evol Fall Guys we were happy to watch burn (literally! their headquarters got firebombed!), using first Lucifer and then Nick as the pointlessly recurring distraction of a Bad Guy, with supporting parts in that narrative going to Asmodeus and AU Michael (and the whole AU, honestly, serving as a glaring proof of the futility of the apocalypse from the POV of the angels who believed since day one of creation that it was the "ending" God wanted and intended them to achieve that would bring him back to them, that would please him enough to return to acknowledge their success and reward them for achieving it. Except it was all just lies, and there was no reward, there was no paradise, only more of what they did to themselves, literally the never-ending war they brought about thinking it was all part of God's plan for creation. It was all ironically the exact future they chose for themselves. They had another choice-- to serve as the guardians of the world and humanity, preserving it as a paradise for mortality they could observe and learn and understand about the point of creation, but they chose not to learn from creation itself and instead chose to destroy it. You reap what you sow...

And what s6 sows just... hurts everyone.

Dean: you been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?! Sam: You finally had what you wanted, Dean. Dean: I wanted my brother, alive! Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.

See... Sam has convinced himself that this Apple Pie Life he himself has always wanted was also what Dean has always wanted... and it just... really, really isn't. See 14.13 for proof of that fact. I mean, you can even look backward to episodes such as 1.08 Bugs, to 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon, 2.20 What Is And What Should Never Be, 3.10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, 8.01 We Need To Talk About Kevin, 8.09 and 8.10, and honestly a huge chunk of s9 and how their codependency has been treated in Carver Era for hints into understanding these fundamental differences between Sam and Dean, Dean's parentification of Sam from the time he was four, and the vastly different childhood experience, and the construction of Dean's performance mask that Dabb has been systematically burning down over the last few seasons. Just look to 13.05 for the treatise on just how powerfully Sam believes in that mask, and how badly he himself needs Dean to maintain it for his own wellbeing and comfort, even to the point where Dean is literally suicidally depressed and hopeless. Because Sam was fundamentally wrong about what Dean actually wanted and needed. Even Cas, set up from the start to be the effective Big Bad of this season, literally only turned down that path to spare Dean, to protect him from becoming involved in this, mistakenly believing that he'd be intruding on Dean's happiness, from the peace at the end of his road.

Luckily I know what's in store down the line, because it's the ONLY thing preventing me from outright hating Sam for this. Soulless Sam was just as manipulative and ruthless as Cas in this season:

Bobby: And I'd do it again. Dean: Why?! Bobby: Because you got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea. Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me? Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant. Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to. Bobby: Good. Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out. Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone. Dean: Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me! A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery? Bobby: Look, I get it wasn't easy. But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get. It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean. Dean: Do I look out to you?

And from the end of the episode where we're given even MORE insight into just how "wrong" Sam is:

Sam: Look, I practically shoved you at them. Dean: That's a funny way to put it, but all right. Sam: I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I-I thought... You could have it, you know? But now I'm not so sure. I mean, you got to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back. Dean: So, what, it's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I did this to them. I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door, and I can't undo that. But what I can do is go with the best option. Sam: I hear you. I guess I just, wish you were coming, that's all. Dean: Why? Sam: Don't be stupid. Dean: No, I mean it. I mean, you know plenty of good hunters. I'm rusty. I did something seriously stupid going out there. I almost got us both killed. Sam: And that's exactly why I want you. Dean: What are you talking about? Sam: You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even think to try. Dean: Yes, you would. Sam: No, Dean. I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all.

From my chatbubbles @ lizbob:

without his soul, Sam was freaking ruthless he said or did whatever it took to manipulate everyone, and of course Bobby would want to believe that Dean was truly happy... essentially living out the life Bobby himself lost when he killed his demon-possessed wife... I mean if Bobby could have a do-over, we know exactly what he'd do differently now... it wouldn't have taken much for Sam to convince Bobby that Dean was legit happy with Lisa and Ben, despite the evidence of our eyes that he was basically going through the motions, zombie-style

But was Dean REALLY happy with Lisa and Ben? REALLY?!

[crackinwise]

Yeah, Axel was so much better in CoM, in KH2 he practically wasn't the same character. But I have a question, did you ever obsess over a teen? I doubt it.

Idk i saw the same char. Smart, cunning, ruthless, sarcastic af, working for the org but against them at the same time. But you have to remember he’d known Roxas for like a week before the events of CoM. By the time we see him in KH2 he’s grown a heart or most of one. Despite this he’s still straight up ready to kidnap one teen and “kill” another to get Roxas back. That’s not badass? Kairi got away from him because she’s Kairi, dude. KH2 is one of the only bits of agency she’s been given. She fought Saix with fists then poofed her own keyblade too. Axel losing a determined girl, who he wasn’t planning to hurt or kill, with the power of Pure Light on her side speaks to her strength rather than Axel’s weakness. (Another person brought up the EU manga/novel story that Axel went two rounds with Saix to get Kairi back. The Org didn’t care about getting Roxas back, so Axel said fuck you to the Org.) Axel giving up everything so at least some part of Roxas will live is another badass play in my book. Axel doesn’t just save our main protagonist, he saves WORLDS with this move. You see exactly how much of his heart grew since CoM in the extra Final Mix scene (never played it; saw vid) where he cries after saying goodbye to Roxas.

And idk why you’re still coming at this like it’s real life. You’re playing a fantasy game, so think in fantasy terms. Picture a guy who hasn’t had a heart or feelings in, at most, a decade. He’s around people he either hates, fears or tolerates. His past friend isn’t even a friend anymore and barely acknowledges they ever were. He’s sent on jobs to kill and spy and sabotage while trying not to get punished so hard he gets turned into a mindless drone. Suddenly another guy, Roxas comes along who, even acting like a zombie due to memory wipes, makes Axel fond of him. They hang out nearly every day, Rox develops a personality and is a badass fighter too, they have fun, they grow hearts. Roxas leaves because he’s sick of the lies and Org secrets, and for the first time you see Axel emotionally broken. He’d miss this one person when he never once missed anyone in Castle Oblivion.

The next time he sees Roxas is in a digital cage with zero memory of who Axel is. The one person who Axel cares about can no longer care about him. Dude, i’d be devastated. Not being devastated doesn’t make you stronger or admirable. Imagine not feeling empty for months after (for Axel) an entire existence of emptiness, then that fullness is ripped away from you. When Roxas finally does remember, anger and frustration has already built so much it’s “too late”. But the strongest character against keyblades is still gonna lose to keyblades. The next time Axel sees Roxas he’s not Roxas. The guy who gave him a heart is now stuck in another person’s heart or gone completely for all Axel knows. (After Axel dies, Roxas goes ballistic in Sora’s heart, so we know he cared about Axel just as much.) Everyone in this game is allowed to obsess because they love. Riku doesn’t seem to have a life outside Sora. Sora’s entire goal started with finding his friends and he keeps that goal in KH2. Axel is allowed to obsess over someone he loves too. I’m lost as to what you miss about CoM Axel you can’t find ramped up to 11 in KH2.

Man, i was 17 when KH1 came out and 21 when KH2 did. You think i didn’t obsess over these fictional teenagers? Including Axel who we all thought was anywhere from 17-19. (Srsly, Nomura has said nothing, Flynn no care, we don’t know what age he turned and “Nobody’s don’t age” but retcons, and wtf is going on.) I still obsess over fictional teenagers. Korra is my wife and she was a teenager to start. I tag Moana posts calling her Pa'ipunahele. Real teens? No, not since i was a teen. I mean, i obsessed over 30/40/50yr olds as a teen too. There’s no age limit backwards or forwards. Then again, we’re not discussing real teens, we’re discussing fake fantasy anime-lookin video game teens with adult heroic world changing responsibilities fighting monsters for a living. Axel and Roxas weren’t even fictional HUMANS to begin with until later. Comparing KH with real world parallels is silly.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 3 Chapter 19

• It's our WEDDING DAY. But it looks like Anton wants to make it our Deathday first.

• For the kind of wait most of the stans have been keeping since this book has begun, seeing our MCs finally married to our favourite LIs is quite...satisfying. Well. For most of us at least.

• Title: You Are Cordially Invited. To see me get married or to see me die?

• Mara goes outside, vowing that to get through to us they'd have to get through to her first.

• Madeleine and Bertrand barricade the door with a couch and Bertrand warns everyone to have something in hand (Olivia is one step ahead, obviously, with her sharp-as-fuck stilettos).

• That girl is ready and prepared to commit maritricide, y'all! XD

• Hana picks a vase, Madeleine keeps her clipboard, Penelope is panicking at the back with Merlin and Morgana (this was the shit I was trying to avoid with court, Mom! I can almost hear her thinking), but if you really want to see a legend minus the legend points...I should point you all to Kiara:

I repeat. A legend I stan.

This is someone having a trigger attack, and steeling herself despite the trauma of two previous experiences before plunging herself into a possible third one. That takes serious guts.

• Madeleine isn't exactly prepared to fight (clearly being Queen never seemed to involve fighting assassins before for her, strangely enough), but Olivia sure is. She says "do you want to keep bleating like a defenseless lamb or do you want to get ready to fight?"

• Honestly though Olivia delivers some of my favourite lines this chapter.

• Ana is staying out if this - (in public) because she "does not have the equipment for this" and (in private) because she wants to capture the scoop of the century!

• THANK YOU MAXWELL for gifting me that sword!

•

(All the screenshots, except for the Maxwell one from the HIMEME channel, are mine)

I have better bodyguards inside this boutique than I do outside. Look at all of these people. Picking up clipboards, stilletoes, vases, mannequins, scissors, THEIR OWN BARE HANDS, and defeating these dudes. Like...like...they may have been incredibly sheltered and protected by their families but all of them know how to make the best of a situation where their lives are under threat. And mind you, at least two of those women openly struggle with issues related to their mental health and still manage to emerge from this doing what they can.

• I loved the sword scene! It was a nice look back at TCaTF (esp Book 3) and a nice way to celebrate the Choices anniversary. In TCaTF books 1 and 2, you had different point systems for Kenna and Dom: prestige for her and power for him, to show the rise of Kenna as a formidable leader and the gaining of Dom's fire powers. Because he possesses enough power to transform into a dragon by the end of Book 2, the focus then shifts to them gearing up for their biggest battle yet - the one with Empress Azura of Ducitora (though part of this book is spent with Dom trapped inside an airship fighting a particularly frightening form of mind control from Hex). The implication is that Kenna becoming a legend consolidates her position as the uniter of the Five Kingdoms, which is what she becomes by the end of the story. It's therefore fitting that the legend points feature here, just before the MC's wedding - for like Kenna, she has just returned from reuniting the nobility (or not) into supporting Liam's right to the throne through her wedding, and like Kenna she needs to fight a Nevrakis, while possibly having the support of other Nevrakises...well, just one in the case of TRR.

• If you're marrying Hana, she features nowhere in this scene, and Olivia stabs the assassin who attacks Madeleine with knives. If you're not, she is part of your entourage, and particularly is shown taking action when Madeleine's life is under threat. If they hadn't already been hinting at Madeleine's "feelings" for Hana, and the latter's convenient amnesia regarding the events of the engagement tour...I wouldn't have minded. But I do. Very much.

• Maxwell only features in this scene if you choose him as a bridesmaid, but I would highly recommend choosing him as one at least once (if he's not your LI that is) because he and Bertrand do so amazing fighting together here.

• Ana's motto will be "my life may leave me but never my desire to catch proof of a burning-hot scoop".

• Gee, Bastien, you took a while to get here. Like...8 chapters or something.

• Mara comes back with an injury and an attempt to say our code name, which...sure thanks Mara but you still suck at your job. If guarding us is really your job at all.

• Bastien and whoever is with him have managed to capture the remaining assassins but Anton managed to escape. If that doesn't come back to bite us in the ass later...

• Why is Madeleine so involved when it comes to MY dress? Her hand is literally trembling. Please don't tell me this design was intended for her wedding. That'll be a waste of 25 whole diamonds.

• Or perhaps she's just shook coz THERE IS FYDELIA LACE INVOLVED YOU PEASANTS.

• "I need to have security remove any guests wearing white," says the press sec who tried to sneak in a white dress to wear for my wedding.

(Yes. I plead guilty. I just needed an excuse to cram in a Brian May gif there. I can't help that this man is the Meme King of Queen).

• OF COURSE I'M WEARING DRAKE'S POCKET WATCH AND HANA'S SHOES.

• We've finally reached the cathedral! After threatening to either drive the carriage through the premises, cry or sue Cordonia if we don't get there soon enough.

• I see the Applewood people! You get loads of options to greet the crowd. And of course I was going to try getting Esther to say " 'sup" once lol. I think depending on how you wave to them, the press will either see you as graceful or playful.

•

(Screenshots: Hana's is mine, Maxwell's from the HIMEME YouTube channel, Penelope's from @sgt-peppers-coffee-club , Olivia's from @i-dream-so-i-write , and Kiara's from @callmetippytumbles )

Here's all our Maids (plus one Man) of Honour! All of them speak about this day being a long time coming, but also reflect with the MC on what it took for them all to get to this point. I think Olivia (by virtue of being the Fighter of the lot) and Kiara (because of what she's faced at least thrice now) get some particularly meaty lines for their MOH scene.

• You get to choose whether Bertrand should accompany you down the aisle, since it's tradition to be done so by a member of your House, and the Beaumonts have been her sponsor from the beginning. Cue an emotional moment with Bertrand, who regards you as family now and is immensely proud of you. The Maxwell stans got a similar conversation in the vows diamond scene, but in more detail because it's his kid brother you're marrying, but now we get it as an honorary Beaumont as well. He gets super super emotional if you ask him to walk you down the aisle.

• Oooh pretty! And so many stained glass windows! Why was Leo complaining so much about this cathedral in RoE Book 3? I would have given an arm and a leg to get married there.

• NEW MUSIC!!! Lots of lovely flowery piano notes and trumpets. Very regal and very much a wedding march tune.

• So technically I'm guessing this is where we get to see the results of our tour, because in my playthrough everyone is here.

• If you're marrying Drake, you get to see his mother Bianca, and she speaks to you after the ceremony. I can kiiinda see where Savannah gets her "I only met you ten seconds ago but OMG WE'RE GOING TO BE BFFS" vibe comes from.

• WTF none of these people changed clothes it seems 😂 Everyone's else is wearing what they usually wear. Guys, this wedding is going to be freaking TELEVISED and these nobles are wearing their usual dusty outfits 😂😂

• The Best Men/Women, are depicted positively - whether they have feelings for the MC or not. Drake is said to be showing a "rare, unabashed grin", and Liam is "smiling proudly". Kiara is "smiling excitedly".

• So as you all know, you can choose between Liam (if you're marrying Hana or Maxwell), Leo or Regina for officiating your wedding. The speech is largely the same - they all mention the seed and apple tree analogy, the traditions of Cordonia and how important love is - but the opening lines vary.

(Regina's is from mine, Leo's is from the Bizzy's Choices channel, and Liam's is from @kennaxval )

Regina's is distant and formal, which suits her and suits the scale of the occasion. Leo's is humorous, and Liam's is flowery and poetic. This suits both of the men as we know them. Leo is known to not take himself very seriously, and Liam's language is very ornate by default.

• The vows (I'm talking about the LIs' ones here, since the MC's is customizable) are all beautiful. Every single one delves into their history with her and how their relationship with her grew from strength to strength. You can see why they decided to go off-script for their vows. Their story with her has always been personal and these vows are about acknowledging the long, hard journey that got them to this altar.

•

Liam's is about how the MC taught him to believe in possibility, to believe that he needn't be stuck in the rut of royal stoicism to be the king his people need. Hana's is about the freedom the MC gave her from a future carefully charted out for her, into a better, brighter one. Maxwell's is about how he has found a woman whose very presence represents adventure for him, someone who will raise him up rather than tie him down. Drake's is about embracing change, accepting the love the MC has for him and the love he tried to deny having for the MC. I love them all.

• In my mind this is the improved version of the wedding scene in TCaTF, as is the RoE wedding. I recall, way back when Kenna got married, fans (rightly) pointed out that while her LIs' vows sounded heartfelt and acknowledged their relationship with her, the few options given for Kenna's vows made her sound impersonal and not very involved in comparison (for instance, even though Diavolos appeared only by Book 3, Kenna still was made to sound like the relationship had been there for longer). In RoE, they attempted to correct that, by giving us the diamond option to personalize our vows (still using their choices, but we got more options here and went into more detail). In TRR they've gone a step further and have US type what we want with our wishes, because even when you have the same LI - no two people can view one character the same. There's space for shitposting haha, but it's also to ensure that we have enough say in the vows we want our MCs to repeat.

• If you don't choose either your corgi or Bartie, the Cordonian children become your ringbearers. In this case, they are Valerie and Marco, the little ones from Lythikos, which I think is a very interesting choice. Because it does show us that though the Nevrakis clan seem to want to destroy Liam and his line, Lythikos itself - represented by Olivia - is in support of him. If Liam doesn't marry you, it makes even more sense that the children meant to represent Cordonia come from Olivia's estate.

• Lol everyone got the same ring. At least it isn't the cheapass one Madeleine had us pick up for her in Book 2.

• Vows exchanged, tears shed, and we can be as thirsty as we want in public without anyone saying a thing (wink at the LI, tell them you wish you both were alone instead of at a cathedral, give them a steamy kiss after your vows are exchanged).

AAAAAAAND WE'RE MARRIED!!!!

(Screenshots: for Drake and Maxwell it's was @sgt-peppers-coffee-club and for Hana it was @kennaxval 😄)

Ngl I was super super emotional when I saw the wedding portrait it took us so LONG and it was so BEAUTIFUL 😭

• Esther wants to call the monarchy the "DuPont dynasty" right now haha. I think there are some playthroughs (for instance Maxwell's I think) where Hana speaks of creating the Lee dynasty which...well...is odd if you're not marrying her, yes. This chapter had a whole bunch of goof ups going on.

•

YES DONNIE KEEP SAYING IT. I'M QUEEN NOW. FINALLY.

• From rats in a dumpster to this...what a journey.

• We now have a reception to go to! There is a teaser about whether this reception will be the one we hoped for (which is shorthand either for "gear up for drama folks" or for "you didn't spend enough diamonds for this, sucks to be you" 😒).

General Thoughts:

• How many of you folks have seen Cold November Rain? That music video from Guns n Roses? In that one, there's a wedding and Slash, the band guitarist (cum best man who seems to be in love with the bride) drops the ring in the bridegroom's hands and then steps out into a...desert for this:

Would have been epic if either Drake or Liam left the ceremony midway to perform an epic guitar solo to the bustling crowd in Cordonia 😂 (you know the writers have friendzoned Hana and Maxwell hard enough that that will never happen for them).

• For the most part this chapter definitely did live up to the hype. This wedding was the culmination of everything we've been through since the book began so of course it was going to be big - and it was. I may have lost a lot of love I used to have for this book, but damn did I feel emotional when I read those vows, saw that wedding screenshot, heard the wedding music, fought alongside my girls.

• I think there may be two chapters left. Next chapter will be dedicated to the reception, and we'll see the following choices we made play out, most of which are certainly diamond-options:

1. The nobles (free, but it largely depends on whether you won them over or not)

2. The main course (from the food festival in Castelserraillian). Liam also showed us a chocolate souffle from there which he was suggesting for the wedding but IDK if that one will feature.

3. The wedding cake (Capitol cake scene) and the surprise dessert for the LI (baklava, cheetah cake, s'mores, hot chocolate).

4. The chocolates/macarons for guests

5. The gifts for the LIs (all of which open up a special scene).

6. The presence of Drake's mother (if you are marrying Drake).

That's a whole lot of stuff to code so get ready for a few goof-ups here and there, fam. As long as it's not as bad as the one they did at Hana's wedding that would be fairly okay.

• Now I know the "husband and wife" thing was a goof-up with the code, as is Liam not wearing the white uniform if you chose it for him and Hana's comment on the Lee dynasty with the MC (which somehow never showed up on my Liam playthrough). And technically, not many would actually be this angry about it if it weren't for the fact that Hana has been treated like crap by her writers before this, and on a smaller scale so has Maxwell. It's bad enough that she is the only option out there. It's even worse that while Drake gets extra development and extra scenes and extra characters (they worked hard enough to do the artwork for his mother for just that one playthrough), Hana is stuck with lazy writing and the person shown having a crush on her was her bully in the previous book. Having Liam announce that Hana and the MC are "husband and wife" even after different options had been given or chosen, would feel like a slap in the face.

Thankfully, PB has recognized how badly this could alienate fans, especially fans of characters like Hana and Maxwell who don't get the attention they deserve, and not only apologized but recognized how hurtful it was and tried to compensate.

I mean, how would you feel if the LI you liked was constantly being treated like they didn't matter? Wouldn't it frustrate you? Wouldn't a "glitch" like this one be the rotten cherry on a huge crapcake?

I'm saying this because I have seen at least a few say "this is a glitch lmao why are you guys complaining so much". This is why. It goes beyond just the glitch. It goes into why "husband" has to be the default here. It goes into chapters and chapters of shitty writing given only for certain LIs. That frustration is bound to boil over at some point.

• We'll also definitely be sneaking out and doing some post-matrimonial banging at some point. And if I don't get lingerie before that happens Ima be very very angry 😡

• I think it would be better to spread this out into two chapters.

• Is there a chance Anton might actually try something at the reception? Possibly.

• Will it be enough to warrant another full-length book? I don't know. I hope not.

• Alright, it's time for Chapter 20 now!

[gemini-kpop-reactions]

The signs as people I know

I’m a Gemini sun, Sagittarius moon & Cancer rising btw

P.S. Just did this for fun, might not be accurate cause everyone’s different and I only looked at the sun signs :)

Aries

- a sweetheart, always eager to help

- can’t handle awkward silences though, makes them feel uncomfortable

- that friend that opens their books and points to the ‘ugliest’ person they can find only to remark “hey that’s you!”

- wants to be there for you but sometimes doesn’t know how or what to do to comfort you

- very determined and confident about what they’re good at

- love-hate friendships all the time

- looks intimidating but is an actual softie that just needs a lot of affection and attention

- gives me strength and support when I need it most, great at pep talks!

Taurus

- surprisingly friendly

- literal heart eyes when talking about things they’re passionate about

- kinda short and looks innocent but has an unexpected dirty humor

- “that’s what (s)he said”

- we share the same views and opinions on a lot of issues

- straightforward, hates bullshit and drama

- also hates unreliable people

- hardworking and lazy at the same time???

- gives good constructive criticism

Gemini

- so. hard. to. read. makes them quite unpredictable at times

- I never know what they’re actually thinking or what their intentions are

- either talks smack about people all the time or likes gossip but doesn’t do it

- a walking contradiction

- always relatable and tired

- lack motivation but somehow gets good grades anyway

- when they see you as a friend they’re the most loyal, thoughtful and sincere people ever

- sometimes kinda superficial

- always looks calm and carefree but probably internally screaming all. the. time.

Cancer

- I have so many Cancer friends wow

- biggest softies ever but also strongest people I know

- weirdest shits ever

- cry a lot or not at all

- good at reading emotions and people but struggle with handling emotions

- we can each do our own thing in silence whilst in the same room for hours on end and it’d be amazing

- midnight convos in the bathroom about boys and dark shit

- mature but also a mix of weird, silly, dirty and wtf are you doing 24/7

- don’t admit it but they love gifts and heartfelt mushy stuff

- big soft cuties even if they deny it

- can sometimes be quite an insensitive jerk though

Leo

- loyal, friendly, easygoing as fuck

- actually don’t really like to be the center of attention (from my experience)

- talk a lot but make sure you get to talk as well

- that extroverted friend who hits it off with introverted people (you guys are appreciated ❤️)

- good travel companion

- I have this one friend who doesn’t know where Canada lies on the map (or 99% of the other countries for that matter)

- loves seeing you happy and laughing, it warms their heart and makes their day

- may not understand what you’re going through, but always tries to make an effort to empathize with you

- such a dog person

Virgo

- we share the same feeling of cringe-worthy awkwardness

- very 4D, in a good way 

- has a thing for 90′s music (and rap for some reason)

- very chill and very much a mess at the same time

- gives great advice, very wise

- anxious, doesn’t sleep well or barely sleeps tbh

- needs to take better care of themselves

- lovely voices and beautiful smiles

- likes being artistic or expressing themselves one way or another

Libra

- another sweetheart, so sincere and love making new friends

- always nice to the people around them

- very thoughtful and good at reading the atmosphere in a room

- that one friend who checks up on you to see if you’re doing alright

- small talk, lots of small talk

- genuinely worries so much about the people they care about, it sometimes makes them anxious

- surprisingly dirty-minded 

- always tries not to be a nuisance to others, very conscientious

Scorpio

- the most toxic people I’ve ever met, I somehow meet a lot of Scorpio’s though

- any kind of friendship I had with a Scorpio never lasted long, but they were the most memorable ones

- either really intense or really chill, but either way quite intense when you get to know them better

- succeeds in making me spill my secrets one way or another

- hard to read what they think about you, kinda conceals what they’re feeling

- often doesn’t know how to deal with the entire concept of emotions and stress or just gave up on dealing with it in the first place

- depending on their temper and patience, can sometimes really piss me off

- very generous, sometimes also very demanding

- gets so happy when you gift them with something

- mature and wise beyond years, but also a huge huge huge soft dork

Sagittarius

- seems carefree, but usually isn’t

- always looks like there’s more to them than meets the eye

- interesting thoughts, nice person to start discussions with (if they are willing to listen without assuming or judging however)

- playful, love to tease, almost like they’re asking for sassy remarks in return

- optimistic and quite arrogant

- also huge dog people

- peoples person, likes social events one way or another

- like to be involved in things regarding the liberal sciences, politics, or anything internationally based

- can be ignorant or has been through tough shit

Capricorn

- I only have one Cap friend and I love her to bits, but for the most part I don’t click with Capricorns (so sorry about this)

- tough, kind of antisocial and mean exterior but secretly insecure and soft

- chooses who to be nice to selectively

- more sensitive than they let on

- kinda secretive in a way, their life sometimes reminds me of 2012 Wattpad stories (no offense, really)

- very romantic, loves being in love with someone

- we share the same dark and inappropriate humor

- secretly quite a nervous person, but they have no reason to be :)

- always involved in some kind of commission or club thing

Aquarius

- ended up hurting me a lot tbh

- have a hard time telling someone how important they are for them

- but always tries very hard to let them know in small ways or actions

- holds grudges, sometimes can be really petty and make sneering remarks

- there’s so much to their personality, it’s amazing

- I can talk to them about anything and everything at the same time

- the conversations turn into weird shit 9/10 times though

- starts freezing up when you confront them about something personal or emotional in their life

- doesn’t care much about how others view them

- intriguing and unconventional interests, very unique

Pisces

- very relatable on an introverted level, we share the same awkward struggles of daily life

- if they’re on the quiet side, neither of us really talks so it stays quiet most of the time

- uncomfortable small talks, it takes a long time for me to get accustomed around them

- unless we share the same interests, then it’s just a matter of days before we become best friends

- that melodramatic friend who makes remarks that make you want to literally gasp or hit her

- bit of a nerd in several topics, whether it’s school-wise or related to comics or such

- watery puppy eyes that make you want to hug them all the time

- also has a very comfortable shoulder to lean on

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Witness: A Bodyguard Romance, Ch. 1-7

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

I haven’t written these types of posts in a long time… basically because I’m behind in many books (no money for diamonds, the daily diamonds subscriptions are not offered anymore and I haven’t been offered a VIP subscription to get them easier!), because I went on holidays for the first time in three years right before the coronavirus hit my country (and I barely managed to play Open Heart during those days) and because there are some times of the year when my job consumes most of my time.

But today I felt like sharing with you some quick thoughts I had about Witness, as I felt brave enough to replay the book last night because I seriously wasn't understanding a thing about what I was reading... and, of course, after reading all 7 chapters at once, there are a lot, a lot, a lot of things going through my mind.

Yep, the book is a mess, no matter what you choose. However, I realized that probably the biggest mistake of the plot the writers was assuming that everyone would buy the sex scenes. As I’m more of a “slow burns fan”, I don’t feel comfortable when a book offers you 30 diamond scenes when you’re 5 minutes into a book (I still love you, Bryce Lahela! I swear you’d be my BFF in real life!). So of course, the first time I played Witness, it felt natural for me to not buy the whole sex scene in Chapter 1. Well… huge mistake! As my characters barely kissed, and they didn’t get all the action, every subsequent interaction between my MC and Cassian just felt weird and out of place. It was like they kept talking about what happened that night and I was like “WTF? Nothing happened that night! You just kissed guys! Not a big deal!”. Of course, the second time I did buy the whole sex scene and every single subsequent dialog on the topic seemed to actually fit the “plot”! What a surprise!

The same thing happens with the scene in the kitchen in Chapter 5. Dudes, I seriously want this guy (because I chose a male LI) to get that promotion and I don’t want to be the one to blame if he doesn’t get it… I mean, he’s literally risking his life to protect us and we’re just being a bitch! The least we can do to help is to behave! Control your hormones! You’re supposed to be adults! At this point, it’s really uncomfortable to read a book where every single dialog is based on sexual comments or sexual interactions. But again, it seems like the rest of the dialogs in the chapter (and even afterwards) only make some sense if you buy the whole sex scene… otherwise, it’s like you don’t understand why they feel so uncomfortable around each other when actually nothing happens despite all the insinuations.

Finally, we made it to the last two chapters. And guess what? More sex, of course! By now, I seriously think we’re reading the script of a soft porn movie instead of a romance book. Did PB seriously approve this script? By now, I just wonder where is the plot, what was that weird “cameo” of our best friend who happened to be at the island at the same time as us (?), where is Tomas, what happened to the mob guys, why does the MC insist on exposing herself... I need this story to make some sense, so badly!

This is actually sad. I like to give a chance to every book I read, and I think that even the least popular books have something that makes them unique and enjoyable. I wouldn’t even care paying for smaller diamond choices if I see they make sense and actually add some information to the story. But I also think that after 6 or 7 chapters we should already have some type of defined storyline… and we don’t have it. Instead, we have a book with no plot where we have to control the actions and words of a spoiled brat who gets mad if you don’t pay diamonds, whose life seems to revolve around sex, and who can’t stand staying inside a place (which is weird for a person who probably works at an office during her normal life). This is Choices, not Chapters. The main reason why we love Choices over Chapters is because the stories are deeper, we really get involved with the characters and sometimes see ourselves on them… we laugh, we cry, and we take sides when it comes to defend our favorite characters and stories. That being said, I’m glad we’ve already made it to the middle of the book.

[purplesurveys]

1089

survey by --rainboweyes--

Lasts - Who

Who was the last person you hugged? Andi, but it’s been a week. It’ll probably be another few weeks or months before I receive a hug again since it’s hard to get together with friends these days.

Who was the last person you kissed? Gabie.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Ooh, I hate crying in front of people. I mean I recently cried to both Angela and Andi through voice memos on Messenger...but the last person I cried in front of? It’s most likely ^ still. For the longest time she was the only person I had been willing to cry and look ugly in front of.

Who was the last person who cried in front of you? My demon child of a cousin; the spoiled one that I’ve been talking about on some of my recent surveys. He didn’t really cry in front of me, i.e. to me, but he was whining and crying in my presence so I’m counting it.

Who was the last person who made you laugh? I was watching Friends until a few minutes ago and the scenes where the girls were working together to hide Rachel’s pregnancy from the guys will always be funny. But in real life, the last person was one of my aunts because she posted a comment on Facebook that made me laugh.

Who was the last person who made you angry? Nina. She occasionally exhbits an annoying habit of persistently asking for money, so when she did it a couple nights ago when she knew I barely had any left for the week, I got a little irritated.

Who was the last person you hung out with? In real life, Andi. We went to UPTC last Friday and had Korean barbecue for dinner, then we had a quick grocery run so they can buy their soju, then we drove to UP and parked in some isolated spot so we can talk and do some catching up in the car. In general, I had a really long virtual catching-up/drinking session through video call with my college best friends last Saturday.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Andi. A friend of mine advised me that one of his friends seems to be interested in me, and I got super anxious and overwhelmed because that was when it hit me that I was really single and that things like that can happen now. Anyway, I freaked out and started crying and talked to Andi about it and they reassured me with a lot of great advice.

Who was the last person you went out for a meal with? LOL still Andi. My college group is supposed to go out for ramen soon since we’ve all been craving - plus we all want to see each other - but idk when that’s going to happen.

Who was the last person who lied to you? JM kind of pissed me off last weekend during our Zoom call because when we asked him if he has since joined a frat in law school, he said no. The thing is, he has and has been in one for a while, and I knew about it because Andi told me literally the night before.

To be fair to him, I get why he lied given the messy situation and reputation of frats here and because I get the importance (and maybe even the necessity) of joining a frat in law school; but he still lied to our faces and that was just unsettling to bear.

Who was the last person you lied to? Idk I don’t really like to lie.

Who was the last person you swore at? Probably my sister. I swore around her though, not at her.

What.

What was the last film you saw? The last one I attempted to watch (but didn’t finish) was That Thing Called Tadhana. The last one I was able to watch in full was I’m Thinking of Ending Things all the way back in September.

What was the last book you read? I’m not so sure; I don’t really read anymore.

What was the last show you watched? Friends.

What was the last conversation you had about? Nina received a parcel around 15 minutes ago and it was some kind of shirt, so I asked her what shirt it was and what’s it for; and I learned that it’s a Voltes V shirt and it’s her gift for dad for his 50th birthday next week.

What was the last joke you heard about? I saw a Facebook post earlier asking people to come up with their best Filipino translations of Paramore song titles, and I saw some pretty great entries from my friends hahaha. I’d share some on here but no one would understand them anyway.

What was the last argument you had about? My mom was such a pain in my ass earlier. So I shared a post on Facebook saying how ‘rendezvous’ was my Achilles heel in one spelling bee in 7th grade. And she saw the post and I saw her scrunch up her nose as she does when she think someone is being stupid, and she got all condescending and was like, “‘Rendezvous’ is so easy, how could you get that wrong in Grade 7?” then when I tried to rebut, she called me sensitive. The mental gymnastics of that woman...

What was the last thing you ate? I haven’t treated myself in a while so I had spicy tuna salad and tempura maki delivered just a bit earlier. My mom and I have since finished the salad, but I’m keeping the maki as an evening snack for myself.

What was the last thing you drank? Water to cool my mouth since the spicy tuna salad was...spicy, lol.

What was the last thing you cried over? The failure of my relationship. I’m doing a lot better now, but the grief is as strong as it had been in day one whenever it does hit.

What was the last song you heard? A lo-fi track. I never keep track of the titles or the artists, though.

What was the last concert you went to? Paramore. It’ll be three years this year :(

What was the last word you spoke out loud? The song-related question earlier got me in the mood to listen to Olivia Rodrigo’s drivers license, so the last word I ‘said’ out loud was a lyric from the song.

What was the last text message you received? It was the cake shop from yesterday thanking me after our interaction ended.

What was the last commercial/ad you saw selling? For some reason my Facebook loves to show me ads from foreign universities that offer MA degrees in business, economics, and law lmao. I’ve never taken an interest to nor looked up possible Master’s courses, so I have no clue how the algorithm started.

What was the last injury you got? A scratch from Cooper.

When.

When was the last time you ate? My last bite was maybe a half hour ago when I got the last piece of tuna from my spicy tuna salad.

When was the last time you drank? ^ I washed said tuna down with water.

When was the last time you cooked a meal? It’s been months. I don’t cook.

When was the last time you cried? Friday morning before work.

When was the last time you laughed? This afternoon when I was playing with Cooper up on the rooftop and he was being silly.

When was the last time you had a kiss? Early September.

When was the last time you swore at someone? Maybe sometime earlier today?? I swear around Nina often but never keep track of it, though I’m sure I’ve definitely done it at least once today.

When was the last time you went for a walk? Around a week or so ago.

When was the last time you argued with someone? A few hours ago with that stupid rendezvous argument with my mom.

When was the last time you were shocked? This morning when I saw the cryptic teaser of new material from Hayley. Either way, it’s still definitely too soon for a new song or an entire fucking album so I’m excited to see what Flowers for Vases will actually be.

When was the last time you lied? I honestly can’t tell you lol. I hate lying.

When was the last time you had a takeaway? I don’t really go out, so...but the last thing I had delivered to my home was the spicy tuna salad and tempura maki I got today.

When did you last buy someone a gift? Around two weeks ago when I got a cute skirt and dress for Andi.

Why.

Why did you last lose your temper? Because I hated how unnecessarily condescending my mom got over the word ‘rendezvous.’ Like wtf? I was better in spelling than anyone else in my class and you flip out because I failed to spell that one word 9 years ago???? It was so fucking annoying and I hate that I’m still riled up about it until now lmao. Anyway, welcome to Asian mom culture!!

Why did you last burst into tears? Again, I still get sad when my mind ends up lingering on my failed relationship.

Why did you last feel content? Because my Friday shift was over and my weekend could finally start.

Why did you last tell someone a secret? When JM left the Zoom call once he got sleepy, I told the rest of the girls who were left in the call that he had lied and that he is in fact a part of a frat now. I felt it was the fair thing to do, and I think they appreciated it anyway.

Some Xtras.

Why do you like your favourite band? Aside from the obvious “I love everything they put out,” they’ve consistently kept me company, taught me life lessons, and made me want to keep on keeping on. I’ve been  quite literally able to grow up and evolve alongside them. There’s no other artist or band that’s been able to do all that for me.

What was the last survey you took about? It was a scattergories-slash-alphabet themed survey. It was fun.

Who was the last person to call you? A client who for some reason prefers to call me every single time he needs something, no matter how simple, instead of just messaging me on WhatsApp.

When was the last time you felt truly loved? Last Saturday in my Zoom call with friends. We aren’t super affectionate with one another, but it just felt so nice to be with a group of friends again. It’s nice to feel that I belong somewhere.

What will you do next? Work even though it’s the weekend, since I’m in the mood to do some anyway.

[allisonm22]

95 Thoughts I Had During the PLL Finale

 If its not already obvious, spoilers below.

1) What the hell is this scene? 2) I think this is a dream, why is there no one else around 3) Jennas on a horse, dream theory confirmed 4) Off to a weird start already 5) Hannah is too nice, Mona tried to kill you honey, let that friendship die 6) Caleb won’t say hi? Thats super fucking shady baby please don’t be A.D. 7) oh fuck is that Melissa?  8) JK its mona..wait why is she even wearing a mask?  9) If I were Aria, I’d be pissed as hell that Hannah brought Mona along, like kick her ass out? 10) Oh god Aria,stop crying, why cant you marry bae? Actually I dont even care. 11) Spencer that was a BOLD move...oh fuck that its for scrabble?! 12) How is Mona trying to act like she doesnt know who A is, didnt she see him/ her at Radley? Or are we supposed to just forget about that? 13) oooh no poor Aria sorry boo 14) Oh hey its mary drake 15) the spencer/ mary drake relationship annoys me to be honest 16) how did the cop not see them holding hands? 17) Ezra is fucking goals..except that time he was kind of A and writing a book about them behind their back. 18) Aria’s dad will forever creep me the fuck out  19) Alison and Em’s mom are being so obvious 20) Alison is deff gunna propose 21) Random thought I’ve had since 2010- Spencer’s mom (before that mary drake shit) looks like Olivia Benson 22) Why do they keep talking about Addison? Why are we supposed to care about her? Marlene don’t make her part of this I WILL FLIP. 23) The moms mentioned the basement! Are they going to tell us how they got out?!?! 24) Nope they are not 25) I’ve been hearing about their relationships since 2010, wrap it up and start talking about A.D.! 26) whyyyyy do they dress Alison so horribly? Like even her pajamas are horrendous 27) called that proposal 28) That ring is so pretty!!! 29)”How much damage can she do in one night” FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!!! 30) any scene with a naked toby is a gift, I'm about it 31) Toby’s hair looks so soft 32) Who the fuck is playing the piano 33) ohhhh fuck its Mona, im not shocked though 34) Im getting vibes that someone is going to die 35) whaaaaaaat the fuckkkkkk is this place 36) whats happening 37) oh fuck how’d mary get out? I never know how to feel about her 38) DO NOT TELL ME SPENCER HAS A BRITISH TWIN 39) DO NOT TELL ME THAT 40) her british accent is horrendous 41) WREN! 42) Are they trying to pull a parent trap on PLL 43) omg all those times it wasnt spencer! 44) Hannah wasnt sleeping! YO TOBY FUCKED FAKE SPENCER TWICE!  45) I knew i got weird vibes from that airport scene! 46) but why would she do all this if she didnt even know Charlotte? 47) “Till death do us part”...SIG-NIF-I-CANT (sung like Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec) 48) Isn’t Wren a fucking psychologist?! there were soooooo many red flags buddy and you missed them ALL 49) oh fuck she killed him and put him in a necklace...casual 50) Remember when Marlene King lied and said they werent going to copy the books? 51) Well actually I take it back she didnt technically lie, she gave us not one but three sets of twins 52) going off track for a second, twins skip a generation so super unlikely that mary drake would have twins 53) also like why couldnt they mention Ali was having twins? im not understanding the twin obsession 54) Back on track...OH FUCK THEYRE WREN’S BABIES 55) Why cant mary help her? thats your daughter bitch! 56) yo Mary literaly sold Alex, I know she didnt have a choice really but thats fucked upppppp. 57) A.D.-Alex Drake....I literally just got that 58) Spencer I wouldve knocked mary out and RAN 59) why does she have bae/Ezra? like what is the point? 60) Rollins looks like Keanu Reeves 61) seriously why is Cece dressed like a fucking pimp 62) wait they just explained like five years worth of plot in five seconds and I can barely understand it because of THAT SHIT ACCENT! 63) honestly them explaining how  jenna/sara/sydney are involed so quickly shows how bad this ending really is 64) Toby is gunna figure it out with the horse doesnt like her!!! 65) Horses always know wtf is up 66) Jennas gunna sniff her out 67) Evil twin is such a big leap to make based off a person smelling weird 68) I feel like that whole squad accepted the evil twin theory too quickly like if someone came up to me and was like hey our best friend smells different I think shes being held hostage and the one walking around is actually her evil twin, I would be like ..............what 69) Mona’s a double agent! I think? another one im never sure about 70) Yay theyre out run babies run! 71) why the fuck would you split up have you people learned nothing 72) whaaaaaat, thats not real theyre not actually outside right? 73) I feel like I’m watching Lost honestly 74) Alex walking around with that axe though is my forever mood honestly 75) DONT YOU FUCKING DARE KILL EZRA 76) WAIT WHOSE WHO 77) OHHHH FUCK DONT SHOOT THE WRONG ONE! 78) He shouldve shot Alex fuck that she helped mary escape jail she could easily escape 79) Arias second wedding dress- SO much better 80) oh fuck you marlene king with your cameo shush yourself right off my screen 81) Mona sells dolls in france.....cool cool cool (not cool) 82) deff the creepiest thing ive ever seen in my life 83) oh wait just kidding now its the creepiest thing ive ever seen 84) so Mona’s just full blown psychotic, weve known that since season two thanks for the well written plot twist 85) Dont tell me Addisons about to go missing for a spin off 86) lol addison went missing for a spin off 87) nope sorry im out, i cant invest any more time into another marlene king shit show 88) lemme save you time babies, you better hope addison is dead, cause if not, youre in for a fucking roller coaster of a life 89) in conclusion, im SUPER PISSED jason didnt come back because i looooooved me some jason eye candy 90) I hate that this whole plot was orchestrated by an new character whose only motivation was that she was friends with cece. 91) why did everyone love cece?! she was so fucking shitty like the fuck? 92) I wanted it to be this intricate theory that theyve been planning for years, I really wanted it to be someone weve seen for the past seven years, someone in the background we wouldnt have even thought twice about, that wouldve had alot more shock value 93) also giving it to a new character takes away the opportunity to link A.D. back the original plot for the first five years. I hate how it was essentially two different stories, it makes me feel like the first five years were a waste. 94) Im just dissapointed because i REALLY wanted them to redeem themselves after the Cece/Charlie shit show and they had so many opportunities to make it great and they continued to drop the ball. I  like the characters and their personal storylines though, thats the thing ill miss, not the fake reveals and actual reveals that make no sense. Im all about their character growth and personally loved watching them grow on and off screen. Its just a shame the storyline couldnt do them justice. 95) Lets not let Marlene King write anymore shows, K? K.

[kayleighflies]

broken wings. broken bones

AKA wtf happened to kayleigh because i never mentioned that.

Before the blackout...

Kayleigh wasn’t afraid of the dark, not anymore. She had been, as a child, for longer than most kids, but she’d outgrown it. Actually, she didn’t mind the dark so much now at all. Nighttime still caused her a little trouble, but on nights where it did, there was Quinn, and when there wasn’t Quinn, there was work in the library. On this night, Kayleigh was in the library, sorting through books and texting Quinn and keeping herself busy. She was okay, with her music and her busywork. It was going to be an easy night.

The lights went off. Kayleigh’s music, streaming from the radio in the corner, cut, and the library was filled with that eerie silence made loud by the fact that it should never have been there. The buzz of the fluorescent lights, the whir of the air conditioner, the little clicks and squeaks of the various machines in the building, all gone, all at once. Kayleigh placed her hands against the table, swallowing hard and waiting a moment to see if power would come back on. It did not, but then her phone pinged with a message from the government. She swallowed hard and picked up her bag, stepping outside and sliding her wings out.

It was dark, and Charlie House was on the other side of town. With all the streetlights gone, she’d be navigating by moonlight, which would almost seem romantic or something if her hands weren’t shaking. She took off in two easy flaps, rising up high and trying to point herself toward the house before she really started moving. She was pretty sure she had it in her sights, though, when she started moving.

The shortest route was through a section of forest, and she did her best to hover low to the tops, trying not to turn herself the wrong way or drift too far. She kept her eyes on the house, pushing herself so her wings didn’t tire. With her attention elsewhere, she didn’t see the tree, taller than all the others, until it was too late.

She barely remembered dragging herself up, clinging to her side as she stumbled the rest of the way. The guard--Ryder--handled everything else, and the rest was a blur of medical terms, gauze wrapping around her torso, and setting her shoulder. It hurt, bad, ut she said nothing, biting down on her lip bad enough to cut it, and taking to the be without so much as  whimper.

“You’ll have to stay here until we have our MRI machine up and running. We need to see how the damage is.”

“Is it bad?” she gritted out, tongue licking away the taste of blood.

“A few broken ribs, not much more. It’s a precaution, Miss Garcia, nothing more.”

“Kayleigh,” she sputtered out. “Just Kayleigh’s fine.”

“Kayleigh,” the doctor repeated. “Are you comfortable, Kayleigh?” she asked.

“Yeah,” she lied, lowering her head onto the pillow. She tried to shift her weight, and that was the end of her rope. It was just a small little yelp, but enough to tip the doctor off.

“Kayleigh, we’re going to give you a few IV drips. Water, of course, and then a low-grade pain killer. Is that alright?”

“Mm-kay,” she grumbled out, trying to make herself comfortable. Her whole torso felt like it was being wrung out like a sponge. There was nowhere comfortable. 

“It’ll help you settle down. One moment...”

It was going to be a hard night, wasn’t it?

[thewhiteproblem]

Decolonising Media

First written in March 2017 and posted now as a resource for a conversation between white people on how we can tackle The White Problem.

-

I grew up in a small majority white city at an almost completely white school surrounded by media - advertising and tv - that did nothing but re-enforce my whiteness. Yes there were black and brown people there, but to me they were just people. Being brought up in these overwhelmingly white surroundings creates the My First Experience of Race, ever problematic argument, 'I don’t see colour’. Because 99% of all the faces I see, whether 2D or 3D, are white and anything else becomes quite ignorable in its difference.

Here’s our level one decolonisation step - we need to stop thinking of white as a norm or a base and everything else as other. From medical forms, White/british/other, to the term People of Colour, which homogenises everyone that isn’t white - whiteness and white fragility are centred and protected constantly and it’s time for us to acknowledge and change that. (I’d like to point out here that I know a lot of people use the term People of Colour as a self identifier which I’m not trying to undermine, I just want to draw attention to the language we use when talking about race, and how that often revolves around the white experience



Black and brown people come in every colour, including white if you’re albino or white passing. This is the problem of the man made system that is race, there is no room for complexities, we try and split each other into skin tone but the reality is latinxs and anyone of mixed race can appear white, and people from ‘white’ countries can be dark skinned like Italy and Spain. The concept of race is made up, not to say racism doesn’t exist because the repercussions of race are real. but the reality is its a shitty describing systems that is full od holes and flaws, it defines how we see race still. the other box - ‘The racial categories used in the US census are a product of the political history of the united states. People who we’d consider white, black and hispanic here might be categorised totally differently in Brazil, where different demographics and history have lead led to different race concepts.’ *cue wtf is latino vid. Is it your name? Your accent? You’re ability to speak the language? The fact you get racially profiled from your appearance? The truth is there’s no clean answer because.. This is also true in Europe where.. dark skin italian arguments. Mixed race people perceiving themselves as half something and half something else. the first time i realised i was black - guardian article. We have to stop speaking for others and know what boundaries our identity lies within. Race as social identity not genetic Having said that its a social construct we cant ignore the implications of the effects of race, the effects are real which is why whitewashing is an issue


Non-binary artist Jacob V Joyce in their book 'The Alphabetical Anthology of White Liberal Proverbs’ refers to 'a slavery that evolved instead of ending’, and that is what is happening with colonialism as well - it has evolved instead of ending through how we represent black and brown people in media. Whitewashing is the first point to address - taking black and brown stories and telling them through and for white eyes. If we take it all the way back, a huge part of the message in white washing is ‘I can play you better than you can play you’ which can be found in ‘entertainment’ like the Minstrel shows from the 1840s onwards. White people dressing up in blackface to demonise and ridicule black people is overt racism that we can now all agree is completely unacceptable, so over time it has had to morph and evolve to spread unchallenged. It becomes less blatant but the message does not change. I can play you better than you can play you. To this day, white people continue to be cast in roles that weren’t written for them, taking stories that aren’t ours to tell. The message we are sending here is clear - we see your story, we think it’s cool and we are going to profit from it, with or without your consent.

“I’ve become the butt of many jokes,” she said, referring to her role in Aloha. “I’ve learned on a macro level about the insane history of whitewashing in Hollywood and how prevalent the problem truly is. It’s ignited a conversation that’s very important.”

In defense of her casting, she offered: “The character was not supposed to look like her background which was a quarter Hawaiian and a quarter Chinese.” The obvious lesson to learn here is that race is more than skin colour and what someone looks like, it’s a cultural heritage you tap into, that is passed down. It’s personal. It’s as intimate as sexuality. And no one should be explaining it to you/validates it for you.

The flip side of whitewashing is a more insidious perpetuation of colonialism - tokenism. Whilst genuine multiculturalism and cultural sharing are great and important and make us stronger, tokenism - using faces to claim diversity - is a pathetic attempt to tape over the deep scars in our societies that were left and continue to be re-opened by centring whiteness. This is a point at which white liberals especially fall down - those who do see racial inequality as an issue that needs to be addressed but think it can be fixed purely through visual representation. Yes, seeing yourself on screen and in media is crucial but that is not where it ends.


To truly start decolonising our media we have to engage in genuine research. Simply showing a brown or black face is not the answer, it is just the start, really the bare minimum that we have all been resting on so far. The WritingWithColour tumblr blog, in their essay 'A Discussion on Culture and Erasure' explain that 'While we are no different from the majority in terms of our minds, our passions, our ideas, we are different in where we come from. Our experience was shaped by our culture and in order to show us as true characters, you must give your own characters our ethnicity’s history. Our comforts will be different from yours because we grew up being comforted by different things.’ 
 Creating media invariably includes research, so why do we shy away from researching existing cultures that are different to our own? We will happily create entire fantasy worlds of wizards, dragons, witches and elves, and post-apocalyptic wastelands where we can indulge in a fantasy of surviving in ruins, having nothing and maybe even being hunted by intruders - just imagine! And if it gets too much, don’t worry you can just turn off the tv. Simple right?

For all the effort put into creating these worlds, there is a clear reluctance to get into deep honest research of black and brown cultures that is respectful and accurate and insighful. ‘Our comforts will be different from yours because we grew up being comforted by different things’ is a key line here that goes back to the idea that white is 0, white is a neutral base. It’s not. To continue to treat it like it is forces whiteness onto your audience, you characters and your work

Names are a huge, easily solvable part of tokenism. Alex Parrish in Quantico, for example, played by Priyanka Chopra. The name Alex Parrish says that it was assumed this role would be played by a white person and when ABC landed Priyanka Chopra to play the part, it wasn’t deemed important enough to change her name so she could be represented in a more genuine way. Whether the character has an in-depth back story or not, culture is part of identity, the pinnacle of which is a name.

Representation is seeing yourself on screen, GOOD representation is seeing your life on screen, treated with the same respect and detail that every other character’s is. This happens regularly to queer people in media too, the most ‘acceptable’ forms of gay relationships (read: skinny white cisgender able-bodied people) are portrayed, and still have drastically reduced screen time compared to their straight counterparts. Their stories will not run as deep, with backstories at times being overlooked entirely.

Representing only a single facet of a character’s complex identity - one that you deem to be most easily digestible is not only lazy, but a harmful perpetuation of the idea that you must conform to be accepted. You make them gay but not too gay, you make them brown but not too brown. The centring of white heterosexual fragility is at this point embarrassing. We need to sharpen up and address our shortcomings in how we create media, and make moves to fix them. More importantly still, we need to make space for and support black and brown writers and creators who have been dealing with this shit from day one, and are waiting for us to catch up. Remember that their achievements are not our failures, and everyone wins when we take responsibility for our privilege and decolonise our media.

[atlaswriting]

“What are we doing, Elise?” I watch as Abram’s chest deflates, air knocked completely from his lungs. He gives into the weight crippling his shoulders and lies back on the blanket.  Unmoving eyes stare at the starry night and I wish I could tell him something, anything was better than silence. But the words scrape the inside of my throat raw and even if I try to open my mouth and speak nothing would come out.

Abram tugs me against him tight, snaking his arms around my ribs like ivy, fingers digging in and twisted my shirt.

I can feel his heart beating against his ribs, strong and steady, working albeit struggling. He’s so close that I worry the sound of my own unsteady heart will give me away.

( I wonder if he can hear the way it only beats his name. )

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my neck when the shaking starts to subside. Still, he holds on tight and I refuse to be the first to let go.

When I feel his arms begin to loosen I pull away, relaxing onto my calves. Tenderly my thumb wipes away stray tears from his good eye and the dark purples of the other reflect the sort of night sky I never want to see again.

If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that: Abram knows forgiveness like air. Absolution sculpts his bones the way brutality has designed mine. Violence sits heavy in my ribs, sticky and black, infecting all the parts of me that touch it. From the moment I was born my heart’s been a war-drum, tirelessly beating to the sound of the battle I wage not only on myself but on everyone around me.

I stare back at him, not my first casualty—but the only one that matters. Soft boy, whose hands fit tenderness like a glove—I can see all my dark seeping out of me, clinging to his skin like a new home.

“Abram,” his name leaves my mouth like a secret, “you—you deserve—I’m not,” I try to find the words but they fall from my lips carelessly.

He’s close now. Too close and discomfort settles into my stomach. I try and will my hands to push some space between us, to salvage what of our friendship hasn’t been demolished.

That’s the thing, though—Abram and I were never just friends. We were inevitable, two comets always meant to collide.

I scoop my dignity into my hands, try to swallow it down and I move back. Abram follows his body drawn to mine, wordless and panting.

“Tell me we shouldn’t.” He challenges. This isn’t a question and I realize I have no answer.

I part my lips to form my mouth around the lie, to save us both, but I can’t. His finger touches my chin and gently leads me back to him—a north star, always pulling me back home. His lips part like a hungry thing and kisses me soft, at first, but then hard—desperate, broken, wanting.

Before I realize, Abram’s on top of me, with one hand poised at my waist and the other holding himself ( barely ) above. If he’s in pain it doesn’t show, even as my fingers coil into his shirt and pull him down. My legs wrap around his hips and I’ve never wanted anything more than this—more than him.

“Sylvia,” he sighs into my neck, followed by his teeth. I almost don’t catch it—and when I do, I half consider ignoring it. He hasn’t stopped kissing my neck and only when I push him away does he look up at me.

“We need to stop—we shouldn’t—,” the words stutter out of my unsure mouth, “I am not her, Abram,” I find my voice, lost somewhere between the cracks in my heart, “I’m never going to be.”

His brows crease together and then raise when he realizes what he has done, “I didn’t mean it that way, Elise, I know you’re not. It was an accident.”

Reaching for my blanket, I rouse myself to my feet, despite shaky legs I find my ground, “I know. It always is with me, isn’t it?” A smile spreads my lips apart, though lacks the humor to be genuine. “I’m going to bed, Bram,” I tell him, “I suggest you do the same.”

“Elise, wait—,” but I don’t. I gather the pieces of my heart and try to leave with what little pride I have left intact.

♡ ♡ ♡

( text messages: Sylvia & Kai )

Are you still mad at me?

( message read, 9:53 am. )

Look – I said I was sorry, I lost my phone. Honest.

( message read, 10:02 am )

Kai… Please. God, I’m sorry. A thousand times, I’m sorry.

Kai: Oh, lol. So I’m Kai again?

Kai: Quit yanking me around, Syl. Wtf is going on?

Kai: Are you here? Spying on me. Is this some perverted game?

This isn’t a game! This was never a game. I’m not there, I just know people there.

You told me your name. Christmas, two years ago.

Kai: I would remember that.

Do you remember what else we talked that Christmas?

No? We talked about moving to California together. Do you remember the kids’ names we picked out?

Sebastian and Tamsin.

But you seem to think you remember if you told me your name? That’s a little suspicious. What is it YOUR hiding, Kai?

Kai: Just because I don’t remember all that, this very second, that’s your only point?

Kai: It’s my name. I’d remember.

Why would I lie about this?

Kai: Why would you lie about anything? I don’t know.

Kai: I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t know you like I thought I did.

Kai: I’m starting to think I don’t know you at ALL.

Kai: I need a break. I’ll text you, don’t text me.

K.

♡ ♡ ♡

As a child, I used to pull dirt over ant hills—blocking their only exit, deciding that if I couldn’t leave, neither could they. From the time I was born, all my hands knew how to do was destroy. First my parent’s marriage, then innocent ants. Now Abram.

I stare at him from across the library, shoulders hunched over the book he was reading. His free hand kept tapping the screen of his phone on then tapping it off.

My stomach twists and I try and force myself to go over there but my arrogance keeps me cemented in my seat.

“What’s wrong with Walmart?” Sophie slides into the seat next to me and loudly drops her bag on the table, “Can you believe he and Jason fought?” she laughs as she searches her bag for her books and then opens one, carelessly she begins to highlight over random lines in the text, “I mean again. What do you think it could have been about?”

When I choose not to answer, I notice Sophie’s jaw falls slack from the corner of my eye, “It wasn’t you, was it?” My neck snaps toward her so fast I can feel the crack, “oh my god, Lissa!” She shrieks loud, receiving shushes not only from me, but several other students and Mrs. Martinez, the librarian. I take a careful glance toward Abram who peaked up for only a moment before burying his head back down.

“Did you have sex with him?” She asks, “Was it good? Was he big?”

My cheeks burn red hot and I wish I could fold in on myself. My careless reactions give me away and I bury my face in my hands. “It was an accident, Soph, I didn’t mean to—we were drunk,” I whisper harshly, “Jason doesn’t know. Please don’t tell me. Please.” I beg, reaching for her hand and curling my fingers tightly around them.

Her lips press into a tight line, before the seriousness fades into a smile, “Was it good?”

My lips twitch into a smile, “I think so? I don’t remember—but, god he is a good kisser.”

“Tell me everything.”

And I do.

♡ ♡ ♡

Abram slams a tray down on the table making Sophie, Jason and I jump.

“I know it’s you, Sophie.” He spits out, malice coating his tone.

Her brows crease as she takes a bite of her yogurt and considers him, “I mean, I’m sure it was… But what are you talking about, Abram?”

“You just did it!” He shouts, “You just called me Abram.” He sits heavily down beside Jason and points at her.

“Doesn’t everyone…” she looks around the table, brows creased, “Are you high right now? Could you, like, maybe get me some? I have this super long quiz in—,”

An exasperated sigh releases from his mouth, “Sophie—unless I should call you something else—”

She shrugs, “I’ll let you call me anything.” She interrupts him by blowing a kiss.

I watch as Abram’s face passes through three level of confusion and as he stands I do too. I glance at Jason, “I’m going to go check on him—he doesn’t look right.”

Reaching the hallway in just enough time to see his fingers twist into a fist but before they could collide with the lockers, I grab his elbow, “Follow me,” I order, too afraid of the anger that curls around his arm to let go.

I lead us back to my room and lock the door after we both enter.

“What is wrong with you?” I ask.

“She’s lying to me.”

“Sophie?”

“No, Elise, not Sophie,” he snaps. I sit on the floor with my back to my bed, forcing Abram down beside me. “Sylvia. Sylvia’s lying to me—I think she has been for a long time and I’ve just been too stupid to see it. I thought, maybe, Sophie was Sylvia.”

I can’t help but snort and he throws an annoyed look in my direction, “I’m sorry, but seriously? I mean Sophie can be a bitch, but she’s not like that at all…” I tell him, a sharp pain in my chest reminds me that I am.

Anger melts to sadness and Abram leans his head on my shoulder. Too many emotions held together by too thin skin, I wrap one arm around him, hoping that if he couldn’t contain the storm himself, maybe I could help.

“Maybe Sylvia’s just… scared,” I say, “You’ve seen parts of her I’m sure no one ever has. Maybe she’s afraid that when you see it all you’ll leave. She’s probably terrified you won’t think she’s good enough.” I force myself to swallow hard to keep myself from crying, “not everyone is as open with their heart as you, Abram.”

“Elise,” he leans his head up to look at me, “she’s lying to me—I know she is. And… I’m starting to think it might not be worth it anymore.” His fingers wind between mine, “If she wasn’t holding my heart hostage I could be with someone else—someone tangible…”

“Who?” I ask, without meaning.

He’s quiet for a while, straightens himself out so he’s sitting taller than me. I turn away from him, stare at my closet because maybe, I think, if I ground myself I could stop the world from shaking me off. Abram whispers his next words, pressing his lips just below my ear, “don’t pretend you don’t notice the way I look at you.”

“Abram…”

He turns my attention back to him and kisses me. I throw my body on top of his, the warmth of my heart outweighing my pride as I settle myself in his lap, fingers running through his hair. I kiss him hard—hard enough to lull the guilt that begins to seep out of me back into its hiding place, my teeth tug at his bottom lip and he grips my hips with such strength I crumble into his touch.

His fingers start exploring underneath my shirt, sliding up my back, daring to touch every inch of me. Reckless abandon forces me to push him away, panting heavily.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I blurt out. I find my footing and back away from him, hands out to keep him at a distance. He scrambles to his feet, crossing what little space there was.

He presses my back against the wall; hands once again drawn to my waist. Fingertips dig in—promising to leave bruises I wouldn’t mind having, kissing me hard enough to take my breath away. I whine against his mouth, every bit of my body wants to give in—my arms itch to wrap around him, to pull him so close that our bodies won’t end but my hands are planted firmly against his chest and push him away once more, “It’s not fair,” I say, breathlessly, “I told you last night: I’m never going to be Sylvia, you can’t kiss me to forget her—that isn’t how love works.”

He opens his mouth to speak but I don’t let him, “I’m not going to be your safety net. I’m not going to throw my heart at you just for you to toss it aside the second Sylvia shows you the least bit of affection. I’m not your back up plan. You’re kissing me, Abram, but you’re thinking about her.”

I slide by him toward the door and open it, urging him out, “I love you, Abram,” I say softly, the admission knocks the wind out of me, “but you only love me when she’s not there.”

He doesn’t move, mouth parted like he wants to argue—but we both know it’ll be a lie.

“Do us both the favor and go.”