#we can draw A LITTLE BIT for ourself.

[werewolfbarista]

lykoi trollsona:)

(any pronouns)

[mantisgodsdomain]

Falling victim to madness in the Chilaios Discord part one (with a link to the post mentioned at the end). Part 2 linked here (note: slightly more nsfw text). Transcript below cut.

A Discord conversation between three discord users - us, nicknamed Speculative Vore Cookbook, Cup of Chilaios Soup, and Oh Kay! (wormlette).

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Experiencing the impulse to rewrite the changeling chapters for fun and profit. Do you think that considering that half-foots apparently see dwarves as Extremely Attractive Laios sparks some kind of Thing in Chilchuck as a dwarf

Cup of Chilaios soup: GRABS YOU PLEASE CONTINUE

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Listen considering Us there will be spec bio about this but. Listen. Since we've been doing the species as "uncanny-valley-type not quite Like You" for the most part with just a little bit of increased compatibility within "families". Do you think that it would be fun if he can suddenly see all of Laios's features in this new light of this particular species. Where all of the tallman features abruptly come into focus in a format far more recognizable and all of a sudden he can draw some Very Certain Lines to someone who is abruptly several times more recognizably attractive rather than, like, would be very attractive if it weren't for the subtle distortion of species.

Cup of Chilaios soup: my third eye has opened

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Do you think being a tallman himself would help with that? An abrupt distortion of the brain. Do you think he would be able to draw back those memories to abruptly have the uncanny-valley barrier splinter under the force of, y'know, he knows precisely what that translates to, and with the added perspective it seems much less alien, and much more "for the love of god he's not supposed to be getting crushes on the job"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We need to make elves Weirder for this also. They're like the only race on the chart right now that Doesn't have a close-relation group where things like attraction translate more easily we need to make them more fucked up Absently rotating the idea of dwarves having an excellent sense of smell compared to their other close relatives both for enhancing their appreciation for Good Food (a surprising amount of taste is tied up in your sense of smell) and for underground navigation & communication And Laios will absolutely be Weird About It

Cup of Chilaios soup: Laios: wow Chilchuck why do you smell so breedable (gets crushed by a rock)

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Walks up to Chilchuck and starts sniffing him unprompted so he can deliver a food-critic review of his scent Breedable waits for whenever we actually get ourself to do sex pollen heatfic and can also do cool spec bio stuff but like with reproductive cycles Still rotating the idea of making DM tallmen Weirder. We already know they're taller than IRL humans we need to add like some extra fuckshit in there We've got to do the speculative biology first you see. Make it more fucked up. We've already set it up so they're fairly closely related to orcs we might as well add some fantasy bullshit in there.

Cup of Chilaios soup: Tallmen have slower metabolisms maybe? And they need to at A Lot to support their mass? You are so correct eat A Lot*

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to initial message): wait hold on holy fuck man.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: So far what we have for them as their Thing They're Known for is like. Endurance. Tallmen Specifically are known to be able to walk for hours without growing too tired. Not quite as strong as orcs or ogres, of course, but they're tall enough that they practically eat up ground with every stride, and they just don't stop moving.

Cup of Chilaios soup: passing the braincell around like it's a joint KINGS OF TIRING THEIR PREY OUT

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Orcs and ogres are ofc known for their brutal strength, which is Significantly Less Pronounced in humans - but all that strength burns energy, and they'll tire out far faster. Humans just keep going, far beyond what they really should be capable of.

Cup of Chilaios soup: guys who will climb a fcking mountain and be like ":D wanna walk back to town on foot"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that the Big Thing People Know for elves would be their magic but we think that the magic thing is less about being naturally predisposed to it or whatever and more on the fact that enough of their society circles around it that pretty much any elf you meet's been deliberately raised to cultivate their magic, We think that their actual primary feature, like, physically, would be like. We're basing them on ungulates, right? Elves have long, willowy limbs, especially compared to their bodies. Look very graceful as adults who have had centuries of experience walking around and like wretched ganglebeasts at any point when they haven't gotten the hang of it yet. ABSURDLY fast in a sprint, because those long-ass legs are useful for Something, and that Something is being on runnable stilts. Not much stamina, though. (we are returning to this because we are fond of Marcille and we want her to be, like, Weird but in a way where they pass it off as Normal Elf Weird until the Changeling Thing happens and they have to cope with the fact that actually, elves are way weirder, and Marcille is weird in how close she is to other races as opposed to. Uhh. That Fucking Setup

Speculative Vore Cookbook (replying to Cup of Chilaios soup": "guys who will climb a fcking mountain"): Tallmen will climb a mountain carrying equipment on their back and need like a thirty minute breather tops before they're back up and at it like "okay now time to go down the other side" We think it's fun if it's a thing like the half-foot/dwarf/gnome cluster's enhanced senses, where the Absurd Stamina is part of what their other close relations have going for them, but whereas orcs and ogres have it to a Reasonable degree, Tallmen specialize really hard into doing this One Thing and get it in spades. Much like how half-foots spent all of their stat points in their ridiculously sensitive senses, to the detriment of things like strength and durability, tallmen have stupid amounts of stamina. Don't have to be as strong as your close relatives when you can simply outlast them!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to Speculative Vore Cookbook "returning to this because we are fond of Marcille): really like learning abt elf weirdness in the context of marcille, specifically as a half elf. really liked how that reveal was handled, since fionil is also a half-elf i didnt notice for a LONG time that she was perhaps different than other elves. i really like that!!! tall-men just have a lot of stamina. basically canon re: how much shit laios carries around. particularly in a good dog RIP they're like. alaskan mal specced. they just keep going and going forever

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that her, like, subtly softer features and such get Very Fun especially with the potential familiarity aspect vs what full elves have going on if we go full weird on elves because we fucking love how Absolutely Fucked ungulate anatomy is and it scratches a little itch in the back of our brain to let the Graceful Forest People overlap with, like. You Know The Specific Flavor Of Creepypasta Beast

Oh Kay! (wormlette): ^forever comparing everything to dog breeds

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We casually mention that Falin's wrist bones are shorter than elf wrist bones in Drain Your Well Dry and we really need to elaborate on that some day Marcille is like the shetland pony of elves in that she's got like WAY more just… bulk, compared to an elf that's normally like 98% gangle 2% meat And she's still, like, insanely boney compared to human standards. We like to think she has the build of a greyhound. Insanely long for no reason.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "casually mentioned Falin's wrist bones are shorter): I NOTICED!!! I LUV THAT… marcille studying ennervation and everything… it kills me… i always thought of her as so carefree looking in her little spellbook and walking around and now im haunted by like. how much of it was her studying human anatomy for what she feared was inevitable!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "like to think she has the build of a greyhound"): oh yeaaaag sighthound build would be GOOD for elves.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: But she still looks… More Similar To Other Races, y'know. You can see the similarities to her and other races and it makes it a tiny bit easier to slowly feel more at ease around her. Elves are weird and you don't see them often, but y'know, you've been around This One Elf long enough to start picking up on stuff, y'know? She's not that different from you, when it comes down to it, and sure she's a bit childish but that's probably normal for longer-lived races who're in the first halves of their lives, honestly. Aging slower and all. You can draw the lines if you pay enough attention, you've spent enough time socializing with other species that you can figure out the basic key, and though there are some things in there that really throw you off, as with any other race, it's not like you're handling an entirely new skull structure like with kobolds, right? It's readable, with enough time. Similar enough to tallmen that you can use your experience there and then fill in the gaps. And then you meet full-blooded elves when the Canaries come knocking and these guys are WAY more offputting than you thought actually. What the fuck is up with them? What the hell?

Cup of Chilaios soup: They have the reflective deer eyes from those horror edits

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Putting elves as a weird isolated branch in the humanoid evolution tree was a galaxy brain decision for us tbh. Their whole Weird Superiority Thing very much gets worse when they're the only people who don't have close relatives they can reference from. The other long-lived races seem to mingle FAR easier than them, and though we know it's The Attitude and such, it's fun to make them just… offputting.

Oh Kay! (wormlette): your miiiind

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "not like reading an entirely new skull structure like kobolds): btw dont you love the thingie about kobolds having a vocal chord structure that doesnt realy support them speaking common. so no matter how smart they are they seem "animalistic" to humans. i love that a lot it's like. hmm. i really like when it's not body horror by itself but put into a societal context, it BECOMES horrifying. u know? it would be fine. except the dehumanization it leads to

Speculative Vore Cookbook: YESSSS it slaps so hard. We think that there should be more bonus subtle differences with just random other races we think it's SO fun when biology fucks you over just as firmly as society.

Cup of Chilaios soup: SO TRUE KAY Rotating all these thoughts in my mind

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's not that something is wrong with you. It's that you weren't built for this world the same way that everyone else was.

Cup of Chilaios soup: The parallels,,,,, the themes,,,,, Biting my leg

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Anyways do you think that part of the reason Kabru is so Like That is because he went from normal human body language to a bunch of elves with the same general bauplan but next to no shared body language vocabulary, Do you think he had to like manually learn how elves express social emotions with a race so isolated that they're probably developing whole separate methods of socialization completely divorced from anything the short-lived races even do and then had to relearn how to act like a Human when he went back into the world.

Cup of Chilaios soup: OH MY GOD Also sorry but Idk how far some of the peeps reading the manga are, perhaps it would be nice to spoiler the Kabru thing:0 BUT I AGREE THIS IS SCRATCHING MY BRAIN KABRU MY BELOVED THIS HEADCANON IS SUCH GOOD BRAIN FOOD

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We love making fantasy races like just a little bit more fucked up

Cup of Chilaios soup: As you should!!!!!!!

Speculative Vore Cookbook: TBH it widens the gap between species if they're, like, similar enough that you think you Should be able to interpret the signals they're giving off because they look Just Similar Enough that they should emote and socialize and such like you, right? But the similarity is, as they say, mostly just skin-deep, because it does so much more to widen cultural differences when the cultures also work on different biology. Anyways we think half-foot communities should be really dense in population because they descended from an ancestor with the Meerkat Strategy of having a fuckton of people with very sharp senses all looking out for the same colony in such a way where there's always at least one person awake to raise the alarm and we think it's fun if half-foots are set up for a significantly more tactile & densely-populated community than most other species.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "part of the reason Kabru is so Like That): I DO. I DO THINK THAT. DO YOU THINK THAT tallman socialization feels so coarse and simple and easy-to-read by comparison.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's cool & fun if Chilchuck has to deliberately avoid almost all forms of touch to avoid being demeaned and seen as Lesser And Childish while also being wired to have like minimum five hours of skin contact with colony members per day tbh. Touch starve that man in ways that are difficult to understand for his party that he will actively have to muffle if he wants to be taken Seriously because most other races see it as Childish to cling

Speculative Vore Cookbook (quoting Oh Kay "I DO THINK THAT"): YES and we think it's very fun if him having to manually relearn tallman socialization also makes it so he finds it easier to interpret other races because he already has to like work out what Everyone's thinking from a pre-prepped body language dictionary and it's just so much easier to interpret when he doesn't have to re-invent the wheel every time

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "childish to cling": @_@ im so FUCKING normal

Speculative Vore Cookbook: :333 The changeling chapter constantly lives rent-free in our brain we think it's fun if like anyone who gets half-footed starts experiencing the intense skin hunger cravings like less than an hour in and have no idea what the Fuck it is because they've never lived in a body made to be that Social before and Chilchuck has to like take over to offer a bit of touch even if it's undignified since. Y'know. He knows how it feels. No reason to subject them to that, even if it's gonna cost a bit of dignity. It'll cost them more dignity if they start freaking out over it. It's efficient :333 Dealing with senses cranked up so high that you can tell when someone's moving around clear on the other side of the building probably makes it a whole lot harder to handle even More stimuli in a normal and dignified manner Something something we're grabbing a cool post we made

[theskeletonprior]

This Tav Tale was commissioned by @quaintrix who graced me with the opportunity to write this fun little scene with Kar'niss! Thank you for trusting me with Solinore. This was incredible fun to write! Interested in a Tav Tale of your own? Look here for details. It is the third day, and Kar'niss is so, so hungry. Solinore can help with that. Content Tags: Blood-drinking, cult fanaticism, drider snuggles, some body worship. Read it on AO3!

At least, Kar’niss thinks, he will die bathing in his Lady’s light. His Queen, who saved him, who gave him purpose. A kind voice, a mighty voice, drowning out the torment of the evil that had been done to his body and mind. “I know you test us, Majesty,” he whispers. “But I have been strong. It is the third day, but we are not broken. We do not lower ourself to taste the blood of heretics. The filth.For you, I will endure these hunger pangs. Your light is all I need, my Queen. It purifies us against the pain.” Except that his strength is flagging, and his hunger only grows. He knows this, in his heart of hearts. Kar’niss holds tight to his Lady’s lantern. It is so cold here, in this twisted forest, and the darkness is deeper even than that in the land below, the spider bitch’s stolen kingdom. May she rot. May she rot! Kar’niss’ legs carve gouges in the dirt, as he lowers himself, holding the light close. And then he hears it. The snap of a dry twig, just beyond the clearing. It’s a terrible effort to pull himself up, and he staggers when he tries, baring his fangs at the intruder. “You—” The hunger pang rips through him like a thunderbolt, and he catches himself on the lantern. The soft, silvery light illuminates her, catching in her coral hair, the streaks of blue like a fading day. He’s seen a sunset in his exile, terrifying, beautiful... “Did you send her to me, Majesty?” Kar’niss whispers softly, taking in this vision, aglow in the lamplight. Solinore... He remembers. He remembers her name. The True Soul.

“No divine intervention here,” Solinore says. “Just me. Are you...” She looks him over, assessing. “Are you hurt or something? You look a bit stuck.” She takes another step closer, and Kar’niss snarls, skittering back, forelegs slashing the air. Solinore puts up her hands.

“Hey, relax. Same team, remember?” Kar’niss can feel his Lady working through her, forcing his need into the light, filling his mouth with the taste of blood, connecting his mind with Solinore’s by a thin gossamer thread. He recoils.

“You shame me, Majesty... Why?” He rakes his clawed finger through his hair. “Have I displeased you?” Solinore risks another step closer to him, fearless, radiant. Somehow the cold recedes as she draws near, and then he sees it. A scar on her throat from a vampire’s fangs. Could she be a spawn? No... He can hear her heart, he thinks. Kar’niss moves suddenly, and even this is not enough to make Solinore flinch. He catches her face in his chitinous hand, feeling for her pulse with the pad of his thumb. It quickens, and her cheeks take on a deeper pink, growing warm enough that he can feel it. He leans close, the hunger drawing him in. She’s alive.

“What has laid its fangs to your throat?” he asks, and Solinore chuckles at the question.

“Why? Want to take a bite?” Kar’niss skitters back from her, nearly tripping over his own unsteady legs as he draws himself up to his full height.

“Disgraceful,” he gasps, rumbling deep in his throat. His own heart quickens. “Do you hear her, Majesty? A bite? A bite?” As though it is something so simple. So freely, so easily given. But the hunger twists inside him, the profane agony that Lolth had cursed him with. He grits his teeth against the pain, against the fury.

“Not to judge,” Solinore says glibly, “but you look like you might need it.”

“It is the third day,” Kar’niss confesses, breathing through the pangs, “and we are starving. But you... You must understand... She does not know, Majesty, what she offers to us.” She does not know what we are. What it means to be what we are.

“You’re in pain. I get the part that means I get you out of a bind, and maybe you owe me one. What else is there to understand?” Solinore looks at him so gently, so gently in the light, and she smiles as though she still thinks this is a small favor. As though he’s asked for a copper to buy bread. “You’re not going to hurt me, right?”

“No.” Kar’niss knows in that instant that he would never. His own body, mangled as it is, would rebel against him if he tried. What angel have you sent to me, Majesty? “But we are starving... If we dare too much, if this wretched hunger...” He reaches out to touch, the curve of his talons stopping short of grazing Solinore’s cheek, the dark scar there. “Protect yourself from us. Take your dagger and do what you must, True Soul.”

“Solinore,” she corrects him, stepping nearer again, into the reach of his arm. He can forget the cold, the darkness all around them.

“Solinore. Yes. Do what you must, Solinore, if our restraint...” He inhales sharply. “If our hunger proves greater than my resolve. If we prove unworthy to taste you.” Kar’niss can see that darkening of Solinore’s pale pink skin, and when she looks back at him, it’s with a certain bashfulness... Or perhaps she’s simply trying to decide which of his eyes to look into.

“I can look after myself, trust.” She has a grin like a fox. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve. You’re not my first, remember.” Kar’niss is daring, again, and he touches the marks on her neck.

“That pale one,” he remembers, “with the scarlet eyes.”

“You know, you’re not exactly sunkissed, yourself,” Solinore teases, “but yes. We’re...” She sighs, frustrated. A momentary shadow. Kar’niss can feel her displeasure and something else that he feels he should not chase. “Never mind what we are.”

“Is he...” Kar’niss traces the marks with the very tip of his claw, restraining the desire to pierce the flesh, to lower his head... The thread of the question frays away. “...a jealous god?” Solinore’s laughter is so loud and so bright that it startles him. He recoils, and that just makes her grin broaden.

“You got the first part right,” she says. “He can be jealous... That’s fine with me. It’s fine.” She shrugs her slender shoulders. “So are you going to let me help or am I going to come back tomorrow to find your princely self lying on your back with all your legs curled in? Pretty undignified, if you ask me.” Kar’niss scowls, his lips peeling back from his sharp white teeth.

“Such irreverence, Majesty; does she wish to enrage us?” he grouses. “But the offer...” He inhales deeply, leaning down so that his face hovers just inches from Solinore’s. His dark eyes reflect her mismatched ones, pale green and pink shining against black. “We have warned you, True Soul... Solinore. We have warned you.”

“I’ve got the idea,” she says, rolling her head to expose her neck. All of Kar’niss’ eyes train themselves on the smooth, unmarked side of her neck. So welcoming. Kar’niss rests his lips against her pulse, feeling it against the delicate skin, but doesn’t yet open his mouth to bite. The desire is difficult to resist but he knows he must be strong, he must not be the monster Lolth has made him. No... No, he must be careful.

“Are you ready?” he asks, and Solinore makes another flippant reply that only his hunger allows him to ignore.

“Let me have it.” Kar’niss inhales. It’s hard to speak, instead of biting, instead of tasting. You have blessed me with strength, Majesty. You have made me patient. You have made me gentle.

“Put your arms around my neck,” he whispers, a rumble belying the command, “and remember what we told you.” Kar’niss keeps hold of the lantern with one hand, but when Solinore winds her slender arms around his neck, he catches her up with his free arm, and crushing her against him, pulling her into his torso with his forelegs. He grazes her skin with his teeth, a last warning. Solinore doesn’t so much as shudder. She relaxes. And then, at last, he bites. He’s mindful of the marks the vampire left; the jealous one. Solinore makes a soft sound, an airy sigh, and it almost rings to him of pleasure. Pleasure? It doesn’t matter. The taste of her blood obliterates everything. The pain, the weakness, it leaves him like a stone disappearing into a chasm in the deep of the underdark. Like a memory dissipating into fragments. So far lost that there’s nothing left to even begin looking. When he lifts her off the ground, his strength is effortless, and he feeds from her while her feet dangle off the ground. It is difficult, oh so difficult, but his Lady gives him the will to pull away, his chest heaving. He does not let even a drop of her escape, laving his tongue over his lips.

“More, please... May I...?” Solinore’s arms go tight around his neck again, and she leans into him. The pressure, the warmth of her body, is an unbearable call. “Please, let me...” And then she says it. She blesses him, takes pity on the evil ravening thing inside him.

“Yes...” He kisses the wound he’s made, and latches on, filling his mouth with that incredible taste, swallowing. There’s something else, something sweet in the blood. It makes him feel as he felt when he’d first seen the Lady’s light, and it warms him, saves him. When he begs for more, he cannot even think of feeling ashamed. And each time she tells him yes, yes, yes... It is a miracle. Not the foul, ugly feeding he’s known, the curse he must fulfill. The vicious attack, desperate for another day alive. A deep purr reverberates from his throat, a vibration that he’s certain that Solinore can feel. She tangles her fingers in his hair, stroking through the silken strands, and he could almost weep for joy.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, the words still thrumming with that deep purr. He holds her close, the lantern still dangling up above them, breathing in her scent in that blessed gleaming. “Thank you, oh, thank you.” Solinore stirs in his hold, and he adjusts, to cradle her, and the lantern, safe in its silvery radiance. She looks tired, as she gazes up at him, but she smiles with a satisfaction that makes his heart jump.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Kar’niss agrees, helpless, adrift on the taste of fresh blood.

“What’s that noise? I can feel it...” Her hand drifts, her palm flat against his chest. “Here. It’s... Almost like a cat, when you scritch their ears just right.” Kar’niss settles down carefully in the dirt, keeping her cradled close. He can hear himself, still, feel the vibrations down to his bones.

“Your blood tastes sweet as my Lady’s love,” he tells her. “We cannot help but express our pleasure, to taste something that is so... miraculous.” He leans in, swiping his tongue over the marks left by his teeth, licking the wound clean. There is some quality of his saliva that numbs the pain of his bite, though it thins the blood some to make it easier to drink. “We are happy,” he breathes. “Sated.”

“I know what I want,” Solinore says, toying with the ends of his hair. “For the favor you owe me.” Kar’niss bends close to listen. What could she ask of us, Majesty? He expected this, but when she speaks again, it takes him by surprise.

“Be my noble steed.”

“Your what?” His purring stops, choked off by the request. He very nearly drops her, but she’s still holding on with one arm. Solinore giggles, still drifting on the same after-current.

“Let me ride ya, drider.” Even he has to admit that the half-rhyme is... Somewhat amusing. His indignation softens. He can forgive her sense of humor; she’s lately bled for him.

“We will carry you on our back and return you to camp,” he agrees. “She must rest, mustn’t she, Majesty? After giving so much...” Kar’niss lets Solinore down, but keeps his body low, to make it easier for her to swing a leg over his lower back. He offers her his arm. “Come, then.” Solinore straddles him, pressing nearly flush against his body, and surprises him again by draping her arms around his waist instead of around his neck.

“Hyah...” She pats at his belly and Kar’niss is helpless against a chuckle. An indomitable sense of humor on this one.

“Do not let go of us,” he warns sternly, getting his legs underneath him. He rises slowly, pausing only once when he feels Solinore sway, but she proves deft at keeping her balance. Holding his Queen’s lantern high, he makes his way back towards their camp, her warmth at his back. When they are nearly there, he can hear Solinore humming softly, and just for a moment, he remembers how it had felt to be complete. The darkness in his mind swallows it greedily, but the tune lingers long afterwards.

[mspobjects]

hiiii im gonna like forfeit silly talk to be genuine for a moment (it's nothing serious, just a little bit of explanation)

very sorry if we post a little less for the next couple of days/weeks!! we're involved in both competitive and audition based choirs that take up basically all of our time for practices/rehearsals. we have a dinner night this weekend, an audition for our state's choir next monday, and loads and loads of show choir competitions to get ready for, and needless to say it's a LOT of dedication and love put in to doing a good job. that isn't to say that we're stressed, we're just prioritizing something we love!!

moreover, though, we've been having a harder time keeping track of memory and self-awareness. if you weren't previously aware, we are a system (hence why we refer to ourself as "we" when talking about the body) with some pretty intense memory gaps. we've had a more trouble keeping ourself grounded and aware as of late, so our attention span with things like this has been a little foggy. also, we've been worried about posting because we try to keep stylistic choices to something relatively the same when posting on this blog, but it's just a little hard when it's not something that comes naturally to you. for me personally, i just don't have the same thought process while drawing that the host (aka the one who did most of the artwork up to this point) has, which makes his art a little hard to replicate. it's pretty safe to say we need a hot second to simmer down a little ^^""

this doesn't mean we won't post at all, of course! this just means that the quality + quantity might be a little less for the next little portion of time. we thought it was important to fill you all in on this one since it might take a little more explaining to get that we're alright and like not burnt out or something (plus it's nice to get to tell people about the things that are important to you).

with that being said, please feel free to send in more silly suggestions/prompts! we can use them for doodles and stuff and maybe post them here if we like em' enough! this is in no way a hiatus or anything lol

[pastrystar]

Yesterday i did an art challenge with @susartwork >:3

We had to draw ourself as an au character :D

I drawed mine as passive night (but little bit changed it >:3)

Dreamtale belongs to JokuBlog

Art by me

(PS if u want u can make it as your phone wallpaper-)

[profoundtyrantharmony]

Title : A Touch of Affection

Pairing : Modern!Ivar  Reader

Words : 3439

Warning : Fluff ++

Notes : Roommate to Bestfriend to Lover. I made it soft!Ivar cause it’s my favorite. [what ivar thinks in his head]

Chapter Plot : Y/N takes a decision concerning the future of her job.

Tags : @youbloodymadgenius // @draculasbride-blog // @ivarhoegh // @black-repunzel99

Masterlist // Request Serie Masterlist

Chapter 4 : What the Future Holds

I woke up to a ray of sunlight right on my face, I try to move away from them, but something strong prevent me from moving further. I’m still a bit asleep so my mind is completely foggy and in need of caffeine or maybe some tea. I try to squirm myself out of the impossible grasp when I think I feel a sudden spank on my bum. Strangely my mind isn’t that foggy anymore -but at the same time it kind of still is- as I take around my surrounding. I stand kind of in a kneeling position, the room is faintly dim so I can't see a lot, I squirm, rotate myself in all directions but to no avail. I’m about to do it again when I hear a distinct gasp from under me. I look at it and recognise Ivar. Of course we once again fall asleep together ! Of course my foggy mind couldn’t think about it sooner, silly me !

With still close eyes Ivar’s arms come to rest on my hips, his thumbs drawing circle on my bare skin where my shirt raised a little during the night. Still half asleep, he lifts himself up so we’re now at eye level, he opens his own full of sleepyness and look at me with something akin to adoration. He then proceeds to trapped me in his strong arms, hidding his face in the crook of my neck. As if it was second nature I reciprocate by puting my left arm on his back caressing it gently while lightly maintaining his head with the other, absentmindedly stroking his braided hair. Our bodies so close to each other we could smell the other’s natural scent, our hips slightly undulating against each others like it was meant to be, soulmates trying to reunite. Nothing overly sexual oozed from this, but the both of us knew we needed it to feel ourself anchored to the other.  I could hear him gasp each time our clothed core come in contact with one another while I could feel my breath hitch more and more everytime. We both have strong physical reaction to the other one.

Calming ourselves a bit, Ivar lengthen on the couch without leaving the grasp he has on me so I was laying on him once again. We’re both tighten against each other that every intake of breath, every heartbeat everything can be perceived by the other.

“We should get up Bunny.” I whisper to his ear not wanting to disturb the peace of the moment. Before answering me I feel himself discretly thrust his hips toward mine.

“No, not now ! One, Two, Three more thrusts. Please stay a bit more we didn’t get to spend time together for a week... His breath started to get labored, in his sleepy state I have the certitude he has no idea he’s actually dry humping me. His thrusts started discret but were becoming firmer. Beads of sweat start to form on his forehead by his sleepy ministrations. I kiss them away, completely mesmerised. Five more minutes, ten maximum Min Skatt pleeease ! Soft moans escaping his mouth -the most exquisite sounds never heard- while tears are forming in his eyes from pleasure or sadness I don’t know. I couldn’t bear seeing him in this state between pleasure and despair, I decided to take matter into my own.

“Sweet Bunny don’t fret, I’m not leaving nor now nor ever.” I whisper into his ear, kissing his neck, nibbling at his earlobe. He whimpers at this tightening his hold on me making it easier to give firmer thrust into my clothed core. 

“You have no idea how much I missed you ! He groans while his thrust became firmer and more numerous. Min Ska-aaatt ! Nghh. He’s probably about to cum right here and there and this is the most erotic things I have ever seen. Unfortunately right before his climax his phone ring. The sound of it wake him up from his sleepy state. He answers, talks for a bit then hang up. It’s work obviously. Once he hangs up he realise what he has done to me and look at me with dread in his eyes. He quickly make us both sit -him sitting and me straddling his lap- No no no no ! M-Min Skatt I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I didn’t mean to...” He was crying full tears, shame and fear seeping out of him.

I take his face in my hands, my thumbs wiping out his tears. I settle myself comfortably against him, our chest almost touching each other as I stare at him longingly.

“My sweet little Bunny do not weep. I know what you’re thinking in that beautiful head of yours and you’re all wrong. I knew what you were doing all along as well as the fact you were not totally awake. I kiss his nose. It seemed that you needed that physical bond.” I give him a smile then a kiss on his forehead. 

“Why didn’t you said anything ? Why didn’t you make me stop ?”

“I didn’t want to ! Do you have any idea how enchanting you were ?! You’re usually a pretty handsome Bunny but back there it was on another level...I’m not talking about the sexual act or anything, you were carefree, in accordance with your emotions, you were not hidding, it was...perfection.” I whisper the word in his ear and let a gentle kiss -longer than necessery- on his cheek.

He’s at a loss of words, but grinning like crazy, reassured that I’m not mad at him.

Thank you Min Skatt !” He engulfs me in a bear embrace peppering kiss all over my face.

“One more thing...I don’t think you know this yourself but I think you need to...you might suffer from what’s called “touch deprivation” or "skin hunger" It’s not insurmountable, I’ll explain to you late in the day if you want, I think you have work to do right.” I hug him again before disentangling myself from him.

“Ok, no problem Min Skatt.”

“Go take a shower, I’ll bring you breakfast in your deskroom.”

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I don’t have many things to do today. During this all week I’ve got time think about what I want to do with work. My job as a freelance journalist is good but I’m still only writing about trivial thing like the next diet to have the best summer body. On the other hand my work on my blog is rather successfull for a beggining. My articles are more and more read, my audience figures are increasing which means there are more sponsors and brands ready to work with me.

As I can’t make a decision alone I decided to phone my boss Mr Bakken to see if he has some advice for me. He told me he couldn’t make decisions for me which is true- but suggests that I use statistics to come to term with my interrogations.

That’s what I do right know. I recently upload an article about the different Norway fastfood brands and comparing them with the american ones. This article has been posted three days ago -I was still travelling- and it already had been read 400 000 times, it’s a new record for my blog. The comments are almost all positives -there are still trolls...- with constructive criticisms. I’m glad ! I also check my mail and see several messages from different sponsors and brands wanting to collaborate and work with me. I made up my mind, statistics speaks for themselves. I call back Mr Bakken to tell him I definitely quit. He's a bit sad but happy for me at the same time. Once it’s done I work a bit more about my Oslo Tour article that will be upload this week.

Once done I go in the kitchen to prepare something to eat. Today I’ll be eating alone as Ivar has a lot of client to work with today. I cook some chicken with green beans and a portion of cheese omelette and grapes in dessert. During the process of cooking I think about the potential improvment I could bring to my blog. It’s still new but I need to keep it alive with new ideas and concepts. I think I think...the one thing that clearly is a weekness for me is the photo quality. I’m not good enough taking pictures, I don’t know what angle is best, how to change light... . In the long term if I don’t improve this skill or find an other solution maybe people will stop reading my articles cause it would be less professionnal that others. I think I think I think again... What about doing Vlog ?! People like watching them all the time, so am I by the way. I’ll only have to worry about the sound -fortunately I master this skill- I think people will be more lenient if the sound is perfect but the image isn’t. As long as I have a good equipment -some phone have excellent cameras skill on it- it should be good. I’ll try Vlogging during my next escapade and see if it works.

When I finish cooking I take a plate full of food and some grapes and go bring it to Ivar.

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Ivar POV

Work always comes accross from me, I was good this morning, I was with her...but this phone call had to ruin the moment ! An important videoconference with important clients and potential new ones had to be made in the day, until mid-afternoon ! As it’s really important for the compagny I can’t refuse to be part of it, plus I’m the conselor so I don’t have a choice in the matter.

Once breakfast is eaten I go to my desk room and set everything up for an entire day of business reunions. It’s not the funniest and most interesting thing of the job I must admit. Once settled and the videoconference began I realise I’m the only one of the Lothbrock family present in it. 

During all the morning I had to explain that whether I’m the younger Lothbrock, whether I don’t have enough life experience I’m still qualified for this job and I know the compagny I’m working for. It’s exhausting, always having to justify oneself when it’s not necessary. For instance, one of our customer -an annoying one- wanted to build a houseboat, no problem what are your requirements ? He wants it to be the same size as a yacht, as rustic as the ancient fishing boat, as modern as a cruise ship but the same price as a day cruiser, fuc*ing umbelievable !! The worst is I can’t get angry at them, they’re clients and I’m their conselor. I have to help them find the best way to get what they want without it being impossible. Some times -like this one, like today- this works is utterly frustrating especially when clients won’t admit they’re in the wrong. Working like this is becoming really difficult for me and for my sanity. Clients are mean, frustrating, disparaging, but all of that is nothing when they start attacking me on my infirmity, deformity... It hurts more than I want to admit, being seen for something I have no power upon.

It’s almost 1pm when one of the client declares a break from this. I log myself out and think about some adjustment I could suggest him for his future buying. A sudden knocking at the door awake me from my deep thinking.

“Stay there I’m just bringing you food.” she whispers thinking I was still log in.

“Don’t worry, apparently we’re on a break. What did you cook ?” I open my arms widly inviting her to come closer.

“Nothing much really, chicken green beans and cheese omelette...” She aproaches me and come to my arms before putting the plate on the desk. Once done I hug her hips tightly, pulling her top up a little to lay a kiss right next to her bellybutton. 

“Thanks you so much Min Skatt !”

“Are you akay, you seem defeated ?”

“Just work and rude client...nothing much.”

“My lovely Bunny ! She strokes the top of my head gently, hearing me sighing at the gesture. Come see me when you’re done, I know exactly what could relax you.” She then bend a little to kiss my forehead.

End of Ivar POV

I’m in the middle of doing a laundry when I hear the distinct sound of Ivar pointy crutch aproaching me.

“Have you done with work ?” I ask him smiling.

“Y-yes so like you said I came to you...what are we gonna do.” He asks not knowing what would be happening to him.

“Come with me.” I take his hand in mine and lead to one of the bathroom with a bathtub in it. We’re gonna have a bath and I’ll give you a head massage !”

“But you’ll see them...” He sounded affraid and ashame.

“If you’ll feel more confortable with a pant on it’s okay, otherwise you can wear one of your swimm trunk and I’ll do the same. I want you to feel good and safe around me baby.” I cup the side of his face, my thumb softly caressing his cheek.

“I trust you Min Skatt.”

He leaves to go put on his swimm trunk. Meanwhile I'm preparing the bath, warm water but not boiling water, shampoo, relaxing bath bomb, towels, washcloth and fluffy bathrobe. I take advantage of my time alone to also put on my swimmsuit. When he arrives back everything was ready and settle for him. He’s in his trunk but still with a towel around him so that I don’t see his legs. He’s approaching me with his crutch, looking at me head to toes as if he’s never seen such beauty before. I explain everything to him and suggest he enters first so that I could then come behind him. He hesitates a bit knowing I would eventually see his legs.

“Sweet Bunny I can turn around if you want...”

“No ! He interupts me. It's okay it’s you.” Shaking a bit he takes off his towel and stand there, bowing his head not wanting to see my reactions.

“Do you need help coming up the bathtub ?” I ask him, right in front of his chiseled torso, my hands wandering on his meager thighs, tenderly rubbing them, ending their path on his bottom.

“I can do it myself don’t worry.” His breathing becommes heavy. I give him a peck on his left peck and let him get settle. I then climb up behind him and alow him to rest his upper body against mine. 

I start by removing his braid from his hair while scattering kisses under the side of his neck, shoulder, cheek and temple. His eyes are close and I could hear him sigh heavily. When satisfy with my work I use the shower head to wet his hair, I firmly stroke his hair with one hand while giving featherly touches to his chest. The sounds coming out of his mouth are purely divine.

“Noooorns, I’m so sorry !” He says when some moans escape his control.

“Don’t feel sorry for feeling good kjærlighet (love), embrace it ! You had a rough day, let me help take your pain away.” I continue massaging his head and kissing him here and there.

“I don’t want you to think I’m desperate or a perv !” His breathing quickens as well as his soft moans. At this I stop everything and cup his face so he’s now looking at me with his bleary eyes. 

“Never underestimate you ever again, you worth so much more than you think, and concerning this, just know that they’re the most beautiful, melodic and erotic moans I’ve ever heard.” I whispers the last bits in his ear making him shiver.  After that we don’t say a word, it’s not akward at all, it’s a calm and reassuring silence ponctuated by his light panting while I wash his hair. When it’s done I’m about to get off the tub when he asks if I wanted him to wash my hair which I gladly accept. 

Here we are, both hair washed. I’m between his legs lightly resting on his uper body, absentmindedly and tenderly caressing his bony legs. Ivar can’t be more happy, [you’re not repulsed by my legs, on the contrary you seem to care for them -not in an overcaring way- but more in an unrestrective way.] He can’t help himself but to hug me closer to him and rubbing his head against my neck the same way a cat would do.

“Hmm what a needy Bunny I have !” I gave him better access to my neck. Suddenly he remembers our previous discussion about skin hunger, to be honnest he has never felt this much “hunger” toward anyone.

“What did you mean when you said I might suffer from skin hunger or...what was it...?”

“Touch deprivation ? Basically it’s a desperate need for human contact, meeting new people, hugging... It generally occurs when a person experiences little to no touch from other living things. I don’t know your personnal life that much but based on what I witnessed you might suffer from it.” I explain him watching him intently and never ceasing to caress his legs.

“You must think I'm some kind of clingy, needy one...” He has tears in his eyes when he realises that’s totally what he is and that I’ve been a witness of all his clingyness and needyness because of it. How can someone feel so much shame in one go !?

“I don’t know if you notice but I have a certain inclination for everything that comes to affectionnate touches. So don’t be affraid I’ll see yourself as needy or clingy cause I love this side of you. I love hugging, cuddling, snuggling, kissing and more, I live to give physical touch of affection. I turn around so I’m kind of straddling him -fortunately there’s enough space in this bathtub- while talking to him our face close to one another. Let’s make a deal as we’re both affectionate skin hunger’s creature, each time one of us wants some physical or affectionate attention from the other, the other has to do it.” I beam, happy with my idea.

“Anytime...for real ?” Hope feels his eyes at the perspective of never feeling touch deprieve ever again, of never having to control his affection desire.

“Anytime, starts from...now !” He takes me in his arms in a tight grip, slopilly kissing every bit of skin reachable.

“You’ll probably regret allowing me the privilege of your affection. I’ll never let you go ! He slowly licks half of my face claiming me as his. You’re mine Min Skatt ! He heavily pants. I push him away from me so I could be face to his glorious left nipples that I avidly lick, lavishing it with fervor the more I hear his groans.

“And you’re mine Bunny, always !” We’re both so much focus on the other that we don’t realise that once again we’re dry humping the other. I could feel himself starting to grow hard under his trunk. A firm grind on it from me makes him strangled a moan which wake the both of us from our transe.

“We should get out Min Skatt. A kiss on my jaw. The water is getting cold.” An other one on the tip of my nose.

You’re right, as usual. A kiss on the corner of his mouth.

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We’re both sitting together outside holding out to each other when the topic of my blog appears. He says he read my last article and found it really good apart from the photos.

“You know you should do them for me, actually you should work with me !”

“Min Skatt...”

“I’m serious, jokes aside I’d really like having you with me, you’ve got so much talent Bunny it’d be a real joy and an honor to work with you and see you evolve in something you like.” He pats my heads gently, kissing the top of it before answering.

“I’ll think about it.”

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This is the end of this chapter, hope you enjoyed reading it, if you want to be tagged just tell me in the comment.

Like, Comment and Reblog are highly appreciated.

English is not my mother tongue.

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[peroxidebutch]

Hello again, everyone! Our top surgery date was updated to December 17th, 2021 a while ago, so we are making a new post about it. Our insurance does not cover any of it, and it would be very helpful if some of you could donate, even a little bit. It would take a lot of strain off ourself and our family. If you cannot donate, please consider passing this post around! The total cost of the surgery is $9,000usd. If you like, dm us and we can make you a little drawing if you donate : )

Paypal.me/kaekanna

$98.93 raised as of September 9th, 2021

[entropical-punch]

A Matter of Convenience

Reader and Levine have some fun at the 24-hour mart they always seem to find each other at.

@rotworld i hope you enjoy my first ever fic lol

Warnings: 18+, semi-public sex, rough sex, degradation, whoever is on shift should probably be fired

The bells tied to the door knob jingle as you push your way into the convenience store. They echo through the shop, full of food, devoid of people. You approach the register, rest your fingers on the countertop, and take a deep breath.

“Is anyone back there? I’d like to buy a lottery ticket,” you call out into the back of the shop.

Your voice sounds too loud and sharp as it bounces off the dingy walls and scuffed linoleum around you. The only response you get is the hum of the AC and the drum of the rain from outside.

Ok. Great. You can be patient.

You bend down, untie and retie your laces. You unzip and rezip your jacket. You count up to ten and then back down to one. You check your watch again.

You turn away to the door, ready to leave, when the bells jingle.

There’s someone standing there in the doorway, water blowing in from outside, splashing onto the tile below.

Speak of the man with eyes like the devil.

Levine stands at the entrance, shaggy black hair plastered to his forehead, soaked and dripping down his face. He’s pinned you there with his gaze, as cold and dark as the storm outside.

“We always seem to find ourself here, huh?”  A small grin creeps along his jaw, barely reaching the rest of his face. He pulls out his wallet, yellow-stained fingers twitching around it.

You nod your head in response and turn back to face the counter. You’re still in shock you’ve managed to run into him, here, again. You can almost hear Rex telling you to “never, ever, talk to that fucker again or I’ll break your fucking legs, you hear me?” and Jay musing that “you must be such a glutton for punishment if you decide to see him again. Are you saying you want to be punished, again?”

You shiver at the threat of what might happen if you stay here.

“What’s wrong? Don’t wanna talk to me?”

You also can’t help but be afraid of what might happen if you leave.

“I gotta get home soon, sorry,” you manage to respond.

He moves closer, shoes squelching in the puddles underneath him.

“Why? Gotta get home to Rex and Jay?”

He must’ve seen you jump at the mention of their names.

“No, I just, look, it’s late. Sorry,” you stutter out, turning back towards the register so he can’t see your face can’t betray your thoughts.

“I’d believe you, but we’ve been out much later,” he muses, reaching a hand out to feel the side of your shirt, press into your hips, just above your jeans. “And it’s already pretty late. The store attendant’s probably asleep in the back, you know.”

His back is now pressing into you; his mouth ghosting over the shell of your ear.

“Besides, didn’t you want to see me again?”

You shiver again, before he pushes you down onto the counter, pressing your face into the glass. His fingers, smelling like tobacco leaves, wrap around your throat.

He chuckles. “Well, you can’t really see me now, but that doesn’t matter to a slut like you, huh?”

You can’t help but grind up a bit into the point where’s he got you pinned, your core brushing against the growing hardness in his pants.

“So you agree, huh? You are such a perfect little slut,” he growls, palming your ass with his other hand. He pulls down your pants, just a little, just enough to leave a smack on your bare skin and see the red mark start to form from it.

“The others hit you like that, right? They probably go a lot harder,” he muses, raising his hand again to hit you. You tremble in anticipating. You’ve been in pain like this before, but with Levine, there’s this stillness that almost makes everything worse.

His hand never comes down.

“But I’m not gonna be like the others, even though that’s what you want, you desperate, cock-hungry, stupid little whore.”

His hand instead finds your entrance, fingers rough and calloused as they draw whimpers and moans from your mouth, breath fogging up the glass underneath you. He scissors you open, carless to whoever might walk through the door next.

“You gonna cum from my fingers? Gonna cum right in this filthy gas station?”

You whimper back, his fist squeezed around your throat so hard that’s all you can manage to say.

He takes the hand away from your neck. From the rustling of fabric and the wet noises you hear behind you, you know he’s stroking his cock to the sight of you bent over the countertop, watching you drool all over it as your eyes roll back into your head.

He fingers work faster, rubbing at your sex in heavy motions. You’re so close, you’re gonna-

“Want Rex and Jay to see what a good little cum dumpster you can be for me?”

That hits you harder than Levine’s earlier spanking, goes right to the pit in your stomach and the heat rising in your core. Everything he’s doing to you comes crashing in, leaving you light-headed and panting.

He grunts, pumps his hand up and down a few times, and paints the small of your back white with his cum.

You did what he said you were going to do: you just came all over his hand in the same place you buy cigarettes and cheap bear. And now you’re lying here, out of breath and sticky all over.

He backs away, grabs a rag off the counter and wipes at your back. He pulls your jeans up and places a kiss on the top of your head, the gentleness of it feeling almost worse than the degradation earlier.

“When you’re ready, I’ll take you back to my place. You can wash up there.”

You mumble back, pulling yourself away from the cool glass and onto your feet. You wobble a bit, trying to not slip on the rain-slick floor.

You grab his outstretched hand and follow him outside. You can’t remember what you need to buy. Couldn’t have been that important anyways.

What you do remember, is that that you’re supposed to kick back with Rex and Jay tomorrow. Guess Levine will have to come too.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Okay I think we need some good old fluff to make up for the angst, so what if Dabi and his girl are trying to get their baby girl to say her first word, after a long day of trying but failing dabi is putting her to bed while his girl is in the shower when his daughter gently touches his cheek with her hand and says 'dada'

"Its very yummy the food! Isn't it Rei?" You cooed as Dabi snorted, smirking at your glare. "You like mommy's food huh? Can you say it baby? Any words at all?" Your baby only made boises which you and Dabi were too used to.

Both of you sighed in defeat as Dabi plopped down on a chair and you just continue feading your baby... trying to maintain her and the place most clean as possible.

Half of the day you and Dabi were trying to get Rei to say her first words... and you lost count already on how many times you scolded and slapped Dabi when he tried to teach a curse word while showing a photo of the number one hero. While the indigo haired man himself only scowled at you whenever you tried to teach Rei to say your tittle first than his.

"Mama is boring uh? That's why you wont say anything." He smirked as you scowled and picked up the baby carefully in his arms, mindfull of her tiny hands trying to grab onto his piercings. "Talk to dada instead dolly, uh? Dada is more coller anyway."

"Yeah yeah says the burnt chicken nugget." You grumbled as he glared at you.

"If our daughter calls me this instead of dad im going to blame your ass on it sweetcheeks."

"And if she let out a curse you might as well sleep on the damn sofa." You rested your head on your palm and smiled how he widened his eyes, holding Rei close as if you were going to attack them both.

"... ouch." He spoke, managing to break your stoic face and laugh, causing him to smirk at both sides of his two girls laughing because of him.

"You're such a dummy you know that?" You said between giggles as be aproached you and kissed your lips with his daughter securely on one of his arms.

"Hm, but your dummy though." Tje baby cooed while clapping her hands in glee, her laughter filling yours and your boyfriend's hearts with warm and love. "Seems like she at least enjoy her parents show of affection."

"Good. There are some children who hate these things." You standed up with a sigh, screching your arms up "Can you put her to bed this time? I think I need a shower?"

"Ya sure?" He smirked "I think that you will meed another shower after she goes to sleep because-" he let out a monotonous ouch whem you flipped his nose in unamusent.

"No funny business tonight mister horny guy." You yelped when he playfully slapped your bum on his way out and shot you a smirk as for good measure.

The baby though started to make grabby hands towatds you and started to whimper. Dabi catching on that immediately.

"Aaahh? Miss your mama already my little doll?" He frowned a bit when Rei started to sniff and whimper a bit more loudly before he started to rock her "Oi, she is not going far away anytime soon, she is stuck with dada... and I hope she doesn't leave as well, but she won't." He smirked when he finally got his daughter's attention.

Rocking softly her next to the crib he hummed a little tune, one where his daughter quickly caught on. Humming the best she could along with him.

Smilling softly, he slowly and carefilly put her down on his crib, carresing her chubby cheek with his fingers.

"Nighttime dolly, or else dada and mama wont be able to have some time for ourselfs darling."

"Dada!" She exclaimed while making grabby hands at him.

...uh? UH?!

Immediatly picking her up again, screw bedtime, he brought her close to his face with wide eyes.

"What was that?" He whispered as his daughter repeat the words again "H-holy sh-(Y/n)! (Y/N)! GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS OUT OF THE SHOWER! NOW!" he almost ran out of the baby's room and literally kicked the bathroom's door, making you yelp.

"Dabi! What the-?!" You stopped when he was holding your baby girl like simba style and showed her to you like a excited toddler showing their parents their first drawing.

"She said her first words! Suck it! It was dada!" You widened your eyes befofe letting out a gasp when Rei repeated and confirmed what Dabi said out loud.

"Oh my gosh!" You exclaimed with tears in your eyes while grabbing a giggling Rei in your arms "aaaawwww my baBY!" You rubbed your cheek against her smooth one, making while Dabi muffled his laughter with his hands.

"Say it again babydoll! Cmon!" He smiled widely, one sign that would actually terrify anyone, except you or his daughter, one thing he loved to the core about the little family he had created with you.

"Dada!!!" She exclaimed louder while you cooed harder. Making grabby hands towards Dabi as he reduced his laughter to soft chuckles as he grabbed each tiny hand of his daughter to put them on his cheeks.

"Yeah.. Its me." He sighed while touching foreheads with Rei "Its dada." He smiled softly at both you two as you kissed Rei's little head.

"So unfair.." you pouted playfully as Fabi standed on his normal height "Of course she would be a daddy's girl."

"Aw dont be jealous dollface." He smirked checkily while wrapping one arm around your waist and bring you to his chest "Both of you are Daddy's girls." He growled in your ear as you playfully slapped his shoulders, making him chuckle and embrace the both creatures he loved the most and vowed to protect.

[rwbyvein]

Firen Lhain: Chapter 810: Taste of Freedom:  Part II / III

"Guess what?" Taj asked, and spun away from his console. Emerald and Mercury just glared at him.

"Yes?" Cinder stated.

"Pirates." Taj excitedly said to a dead room. Taj spun back around, picking up the control. "I swear Nora would have been so excited about that."

"Don't lump us in with them." Emerald admonished.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not." Taj stated. "You couldn't hold a candle to them."

Cinder stood up and gently walked over. "What, exactly, are we facing?" she said with a sinister turn.

"About time you showed your true face." Taj sneered.

"Yes, well," Cinder stated, "it seems our time together is coming to an end."

"Thankfully." Taj replied, "Two airships, and outriders."

"Out-what?" Emerald asked,

"Oh, you're just going to enjoy Vacuo." Taj stated, "You can ask your flaming bitch about that later. Right she needs to get up top and fireball their asses if they get too close." He then looked over his shoulder at Emerald. "Feel free to join her." he then looked back at his controls.

Emerald huffed, "And what does that mean?"

"It means if you all jumped overboard it would make my life easier. Until then, we're stuck with each other."

"How can you possibly be so rude?" Emerald asked, "You don't know anything about us!"

"I know you think Faunus are beasts." Taj said, waving his hand over his shoulder. He then turned to Cinder, "You might want to keep your pet in line if you don't want me to just drop you all off right here."

"What did you call me?!" Emerald shrieked at him, and Taj held up the back of his hand to her.

"Emerald." Cinder said to her, and Emerald looked at her with tears in her eyes. "Another hour or so and we will be free. Until then, let's not antagonize him any more. Why don't you come and join me?"

Emerald took a step towards her.

"Try not to fall off." Mercury haphazardly stated.

"Don't pay him any mind." Cinder stated, "He will miss you almost as much as I would."

Emerald looked at Mercury, who quickly looked way.

* * *

Emerald nervously stood on the roof of the airship a she looked around. Ever so often looking right back at Cinder. She smiled and looked Emerald in the eyes. She reached her hands out and Emerald nervously raised her hands to let Cinder take them. "Just relax." Cinder said to her. "Look into my eyes and relax. You've never questioned my plans before, so just relax and trust me. All you have to do is not fall overboard. If they get close enough, an hallucination or two might help me. We're a step or two away from freedom we've never had before. He will drop us of in the lower Athabasca, and be on his way back to their little tower. We never have to see them again."

"Unless Salem figures out where the Fall Relic is." Emerald stated.

"I don't plan to wait around like sheep for the slaughter." Cinder stated, and Emerald developed a shine in her eyes. "We're not here to hide, my dear, we're here to build an empire." She then reached her right hand forward to cradle Emerald's face. She then pulled away, looking at the pair of airships approaching them. Rather than the shiny metal of Atlas, it was duller, the windows narrow slits. The craft itself shorter and flatter than the Atlasian one. Far less elegant, though. Emerald looked back at Cinder, and basked in her beauty. Simply being in Vacuo would help to make it more beautiful. She saw movement, and turned back to the airships. What was moving was, two per airship, what appeared like motorcycles, except with wings instead of wheels.

"What are those?" Emerald asked.

"I'm going to guess outriders." Cinder said with a disturbing look. "What they don't know is that they are facing the Fall Maiden. They are probably hick enough to not know what a maiden is. Just keep an eye on the outriders."

"We don't want them escaping." Emerald voiced.

"No." Cinder said, and Emerald worked towards her, "We have to let one escape. Everyone in these gods forsaken waste need to know to not fuck with the queen bitch of the badlands."

* * *

The two airships and three outriders listed, falling, on fire as one hurried to escape.

* * *

Neo jumped up as the heavy footfalls walked around the crates and just stared at Jaune's silhouette against the dim light leaking from the staircase. "So, for one thing, I have eyeshine, so I can see REALLY well in dim light. Much better than you can. Even if you're good at it." Neo glared at him, unsure of what to do. "Second, we need to decide where you are going to be sleeping."

Neo glared at him a moment before jumping up and pointing at him, looking at him questioningly before looking around.

"How did I find you?" he asked, and she looked at him with shock before nodding. "Hmm. My antlers act like Aura radar?" Jaune asked, and Neo just glared at him. Jaune just shrugged. "Anyways, where are you going to stay?"

Neo glared at him before looking down. She then dramatically looked at him before looking around.

"Nope." Jaune stated, and she glared at him. "I've been wanting to spend time finding out what's in these crates. If you want your own room, we can give you your own room." She glared at him and Jaune pulled something out of his pocket. She looked ready to fight until he handed her a key "One of our guest rooms on the third floor."

She looked at him curiously before looking down and staring at they key.

"Uh, yeah, enjoy."

* * *

Neo walked into the room, used the key to lock the door, and simply look around. Her own room. With more rooms. She walked up to one and it was a closet. Her closet? She shook her head and moved to the next, and it was a bathroom. Her room had her own bathroom. She could lock herself in here forever, never having to worry about the outside. Assuming they would bring her food. Which knowing them, they likely would. Unless the buck came to kidnap her again. She them stood up proudly to her full 4'10" height. At least in heels, and heels counted, right? She shook her head to clear away those thoughts. She had a castle in a castle, with idiots to protect her.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Neo moved up to it and stared, unsure of what to do. She had never had someone knock before. Most people were either on business and trying to not draw attention to herself, or they were the unwelcome type of visitor and usually ended up stabbed. She moved towards the door and knocked.

"Neo?" Ruby called through the door, "We, um, hope you're enjoying your room, and we just wanted to tell that you we had other things. Like a Garden! Kind of. We really did plan to work on it. At least when we don't get so many unexpected, um, visitors? Oh, there's also a library! A really nice library! That you probably saw on the way up here. Anyways, like I said, we hope you enjoy your room, and we'll, um, get you when dinner is ready."

Neo unlocked and opened the door. She looked Ruby in the eyes before closing and locking the door again.

* * *

The airship dropped down into the canyon, hovering just over the ground. Taj looked back for a moment, "Is this really where you guys want to get dropped off?"

"Guys?" Emerald asked.

"Oh no! You're offended!" Taj shouted, and looked back to Cinder.

"Yes." Cinder said with a forced smiled.

"I'd love to say I'll miss you, but I won't." Taj replied, "Hit the airship a couple of times when you're all clear."

* * *

Taj sat in his chair periodically looking back. "They're really not going to do it, aren't they?" He asked, "You know what?, fuck them."

* * *

The airship floated upward, with the three no where in sight.

* * *

Taj got his bearings to make course to the nearest trading hub. Following the usual trade routes was a hell of a lot safer.

* * *

Cinder walked into a cave, followed by Emerald and then Mercury. Iti slowly listed to the left until they saw a small, Vacuan airship. The two stopped, and Cinder turned to look at them. "You should know by now I always have a plan. Before we rejoined Salem, I used our money to buy ourself a small airship and had it filled with supplies."

"And, they hid it in a cave?" Emerald asked.

"Actually standard practice in Vacuo." Cinder said with a wicked smile. "They are not fond of undue scrutiny. Or any scrutiny, really. Welcome to our new home, such as it is."

"Are we really going to live in a place like this?" Emerald asked.

"You were a street rat." Mercury said to her, "You have to have slept in worse places."

"But?" Emerald asked.

"This is our home." Cinder said as she stepped up to her, gently craddling her face. "It's just a bit of a work in progress. But, we have food, water, an airship, and no one knows where we are."

"Except Taj." Mercury stated, and Cinder looked at him.

"Who vowed to never have anything to do with us, ever again." Cinder replied, and both Mercury and Emerald recoiled with shock. "What?" Cinder asked, "I like to plan for these things."

[softschofield]

another thing that 1917 does so brilliantly is how it both so ingeniously hints at blake’s death, and subtly sets up schofield to be the main character from even before the film premiered. 

like, to start with, the dialogue: 

“this time next week it’ll be chicken dinner” “not me”

“he travels the fastest who travels alone”

“there’s your medal sorted, then” [...] “people have died for that” - which then opens up the idea that blake was awarded a medal for gallantry posthumously, and ties in with “nothing like a scrap of ribbon to cheer up a widow” since the medal would have been sent home to blake’s mother

and then, even more importantly, the way the camera stays on and focuses on scho throughout the entire first half of the film from the very first scene: 

when the camera draws back to show scho leaning against the tree, we get his reaction to sanders’ order, not blake’s, despite the fact it’s set up as the latter’s mission. when blake offers his hand to help scho up, we again focus on scho, not on blake doing the offering. from the very first moment, we are subtly bound to scho and taught to focus on his emotions and reactions first and foremost. it plays so perfectly into the human brain and the way that we watch and process films, and subconsciously urges us to empathise with schofield before anyone else.

when scho and blake go down into the dugout to meet erinmore, it’s scho we follow inside, it’s scho’s perspective we’re bound to when we step into it for the first time and first encounter the dim light and the low roof and the maps, and it’s once again scho we track when he goes down into the german bunker later on - not blake, who’s the one seeing everything first, who’s the one experiencing everything ahead of scho; we don’t see blake’s reaction to the vast bunker, we see scho’s, we experience it along with scho, and we stay with him the entire time that he walks through it.

when erinmore directs scho and blake towards lieutenant gordon to receive their supplies, the camera hangs on scho for a moment, catching his reaction to a mission that, for all intents and purposes at that point in the film, has very little to do with him except for the fact that he has been chosen for it against his will.

when blake starts down the trenches towards the front, we stay with scho behind him for the vast majority of it, including when we briefly lose sight of blake and are left behind with only scho to, as audiences, experience life in the trenches for the first time - another subtle trick: because as we are being exposed to a new world for the first time, we latch onto and bond with the character who’s there along with us. and it isn’t blake. as far as we are concerned in that moment, he’s already gone and we’ve been left behind with schofield to take in the signs warning of snipers and the casualty with the missing eyes and the muck and claustrophobia of the trenches.

and the one time that they actually split up while blake is still alive, when they take different routes to clear out the farmhouse, we stay with scho - and that is such a brilliant psychological trick that subconsciously positions him in our minds as the protagonist, even though every bit of logic inside us dictates that it should be blake - it’s his brother, it’s his mission, and yet for that entire scene, we don’t once see blake’s reactions to the farmhouse, except briefly in the window, and again when he comes in to ask if scho has found any food. and it just shows how perfectly that tactic of subtly settling scho in our minds as the protagonist has worked - because i can honestly say i never even thought twice about following him instead of blake, and i hadn’t even actually realised that’s what had happened until weeks after i first saw the film. it was just a natural expectation by that point that we would stay with him - it was what we had been taught.

when scho then leaves the house to investigate the barn, we lose sight of blake once more, and with him we lose our connection to his character - we don’t see him again until he comes out folding up his map, when he’s been living his own life and enacting his own thoughts and actions out of our sight, and by that time, even though it’s only been scarcely a minute, we’ve disconnected with and distanced ourself emotionally from him, even if we don’t realise it’s happened. 

contrarily, we never once lose sight of schofield, except for very brief moments such as when he goes over the waterfall, and when he walks out of the lockhouse while we go through the window - we see every breath, every decision, every movement. the second blake was able to take out his map without us seeing it, the second he was able to draw conclusions that we didn’t see, our subconscious mind drew away from him. him leaving our sight was the first funeral bell, and it heralded the beginning of his end  - he died physically on the ground outside the farmhouse, but he’d already died minutes before that when the camera allowed him to disappear.

and then, to add the final blow, blake isn’t even on the poster. despite the fact that there are two figures, upon closer inspection, they are both schofield.

they never once promised that blake would survive, and in fact they were hiding clues to the contrary the entire time - we would always stay with schofield, and he would always make this journey alone.

[autumnblogs]

Companion Piece 3: Dave’s Poem, Crows, Eyes, Living in Another’s Shadow

https://www.homestuck.com/story/444

Dave spends a lot of time staring out of windows and contemplating dead things.

Death and the Past in Homestuck, as in real life, are intrinsically linked together. When a person dies, we can no longer get a lens into what’s happening to their mind, and all that’s left of the person from the perspective of information we can gather about them as a complete person is in our memories. Memories and Dreams are the real ghosts haunting us.

EDIT: I wrote this while I was a little buzzed on some bourbon, so it’s a bit more pretentious than things I usually write.

Dave’s first thoughts as he stares out the window link Time, Death, and Entropy together. As the present rushes forward, eating up the future and shitting out the past, it transforms the living into the dead, and transforms the dead back into the component particles that make them up so that the universe can use them once more to build new things. We leave numberless ghosts of ourselves in the past, memories haunting our present living selves - we can interact in real time with our own death, as we consider the people that we used to be, versions of ourselves who aren’t alive anymore - we can watch ourselves dying in real time every second of every day.

Crows become a motif in Dave’s dreams, albeit dreams that we personally won’t get to see which he’ll talk about in the future - he watches himself through the eyes of crows, dying repeatedly as he watches himself from the perspective of other selves, switching to the viewpoint of another crow every time he dies.

Dave is fascinated with his own death. Does he have a considerably greater degree of Death Anxiety than the other characters in the comic? I’m not sure if he does, but the fact that he dreams about dying repeatedly, and the fact that out of all of the characters he tends to freeze up the most around dead things - his Doomed Selves, the Crow, and so on and so on - he’s certainly preoccupied with it. It’s a pretty huge deal when, in [S] Game Over: Dave is prepared to die to protect Jade, and he does so heroically. It‘s not the only time when Dave is prepared to die alongside someone he loves for no other reason than that he loves them - he chases Rose on her suicide mission to explode the tumor in the Furthest Ring.

I like Dave Strider. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, he doesn’t have an insincere bone body, even though he tortures himself by pretending to be the same kind of irony ninja as his brother. He knows what he loves, he knows where he draws lines, he lives for what he loves, and he’s prepared to die for it too.

Dave’s preoccupation with his own death manifests in his preoccupation with the Daves who live not literally in the physical coordinates of Paradox Space, but inside of other people. There is a Dave Strider who lives inside of Rose Lalonde. There’s a Dave Strider who lives inside of John Egbert. There’s a Dave Strider who lives inside of Jade Harley. There’s a Dave Strider who lives inside of Bro Strider. And so on and so on.

None of these Daves is the same Dave as the Dave who lives inside of Dave Strider, and nobody will ever get to meet him. Even the Dave Strider who walks around in Bro’s apartment doing things is not the same as the Dave Strider who lives inside him. While heroes of Heart have to struggle with this aspect more than most, everybody in Homestuck - and I think, everybody in real life, too - has to struggle with the distributed self. We are all a disintegrated intricate dispositional complex, the heart, the mind, the loins, the glands, all wrestling each other for dominance over ourself, as we wrestle with the reputation that we build by taking action in our lives.

If Homestuck is Evangelion, Dave is Shinji Ikari, a title I bestow upon him with nothing but the warmest regards. A reluctant hero living in his father figure’s shadow, intensely anxious about the way he is perceived by other people, Dave’s struggle with himself - what actions he wants to define him, the conflicts he chooses to engage with, the conflicts he chooses not to engage with, his sexuality - are central to one of Homestuck’s major themes - Homestuck as a story about personal reproduction, cultural hegemony, and the repression of the self to try to conform to other peoples’ expectations. Once Dave finishes strifing his Bro, probably later today, I’m finally going to start talking about that a bit more.

Dave is constantly being watched by other eyes, and Eye imagery surrounds him at all times - he directly compares the Sun here to an Eye, albeit the eye of a needle, not a literal eye, and he spends a lot of the story feeling like he’s under the scrutiny of other characters. He wears sunglasses implicitly because he’s self-conscious about his own eyes. He doesn’t like to be watched. While Dave is surrounded by the trappings of a slasher film, thinking about the discomfort he experiences being observed by other people, as they create another Dave inside of themselves, another Doomed Self to haunt him, reminds me of a line from a 2000s Coming of Age Story, because of Winn Dixie. The lead character’s mother is long since dead, and now she only lives in other peoples’ memories of her. A line that stuck with me is the lead’s Dad recounting how she hated being a preacher’s wife.

"She couldn't stand having the ladies at church judge what she was wearing and what she was cooking and how she was singing. She said it made her feel like a bug under a microscope." Dave is in exactly this situation, but instead of being a preacher’s wife, he’s the little Bro of the coolest coolguy on the planet. Under the intense heat of other people’s perception, Dave squirms like a bug under a microscope.

Dave lives in Bro’s Shadow. Every action Dave takes, he takes in some way in relation to the overpowering ego of Bro Strider, who acts as Homestuck’s avatar of the badass. The Cult of the Badass is a fixture of American Culture, which I think troll society also examines holistically as it parodies Classical Sparta. Bro Strider is both a Hero and a Coolguy and Dave spends a lot of time trying to win his approval by patterning himself after him. But Dave’s character arc is about escaping from Bro’s shadow, and coming to a place where he stops being compared against other people - stops being compared against Bro, stops being compared against other Daves.

He doesn’t want to be the Dave inside of John, or the Dave inside of Jade, or the Dave inside of Rose, or the Dave inside of Bro - and he most certainly does not want to be the Dave inside of Skaia, the Knight of Time, a Coolguy, or a Hero.

Dave just wants to be the Dave of Guy. Is that a wish he can have granted? Is that a wish anybody can have granted?

[torivmod]

Leo Full Moon ♌️

- February 9th 2020-

This Full Moon is turning out to be a very challenging one. It’s almost like the energies are pushing us in the direction of... ourselves? Normally we’re used to dealin with the energies of others and even during this full moon we’re normally observant of the goals and dreams we have yet to achieve, but the moon is giving us some extra edges this month to really get creative with the energies around us. “How can we use this vision of energies to move in the direction that WE want to go” “How can we use this flow of courage to take a leap of faith towards a direction that feels more original, or at the very least important to us.”

More importantly there’s this need to step back into our actual power. The energies are highlighting the ideas and events around us that don’t mean anything to who we truly are. These energies feel more like hinderances overall, and we’re being asked to ask ourselves “What are we truly trying to create”. And eventually put ourselves on the road towards that destination. But this Full Moon we can just observe for now if we like, but just be aware that things need to change.

Check your Moon Sign and Rising sign together to get a bit more comprehensive view.

Aries Moon/Rising: during this time we may be feeling a bit analytical and detached from all the efforts we’ve done, this Full moon we are observing all of the little achievements and projects we’ve created for ourselves. They’re playing out in front of us and they have us feeling courageous and spontaneous with the potential we are realizing we have at this moment. As the energy of the Moon gets full we may start to feel a bit exhausted or may be feeling like what we have created isn’t exactly what we were planning, or maybe we’re observing all of the obstacles still in our way. In order to step into our power, we are being asked to keep a positive strong belief in ourself. With Venus in Aries and Mars in Sagittarius we are definitely fighting for the things that we personally love, believe in working towards personal goals that make you feel good about yourself or being around others. theres a feeling of low common sense so we may want to integrate the idea of doing one thing at a time to work towards our desired goals.

Taurus Moon/Rising: A lot of things around you don’t seem to be going as planned and this Full moon is letting you know this. As the sun allows us to detach for a month we are noticing how little control we have for the things around us. It may be our fault or the fault of others but regardless the chaos seems unbearable. We may be having to put aside our own interest for the sake of the disorder around you. Having to maybe do this, do that, pay up, be here, be there. What you want to really realize is that it will pass. In order to step back to our power we are being asked not to resist. There’s a lot of changes happening for you but it won’t last long. Have faith that what ever the change is. It will be for the better. For you and maybe those around you. Have the courage to move with the changing world.

Gemini Moon/Rising: You’re noticing that you’ve been focusing too much on external things. With the moon 3rd from the 3rd we are opening up to the ideas inside ourself. Our actual thinking process. This Full Moon we are observing maybe the lack of depth around us. Maybe we feel something calling? The Full Moon in Leo is asking us specifically to integrate our inner world into our mental processes. It is not a weakness to slow down and ask ourselves more deeper questions about what we really feel about the ideas we think about all day. The way we feel about the people we hang out all day or just happen to pass by. In order to step into our power we’re being asked to tune into ourselves a little more. You may feel like the ideas that play in your head leave you paranoid over how you interact with others. What to say or what not to say. Sometimes inner courage comes from not saying anything at all.

Cancer Moon/Rising: As our emotional ways leave us feeling a bit detached from our home this month, we are observing all of the lies and deceitful actions we have come across in the recent past being our own or caused by others. This Full Moon has us focusing on the strings attached to us. These strings serve no other purpose but to turn our attention away from what really makes us shine in the world . Understand that whatever has us feeling like is ending use the knowledge we already have to keep moving forward, anything else is actually just baggage. If it’s not important to you, then it’s probably not cosmically important to you either. In order to step into your power understand that you are born with your own way of thinking, doing, and going about things in this world. Have the courage to not allow the (wrong) ideas of others twist and turn your way of doing things.

Leo Moon/Rising: Happy Full Moon!! This Full Moon has got nothing but empowerment written all over it. This detached feeling we have this month has us personally feeling great, because we would love nothing else but to think ONLY about the things that makes US personally feel alive!! Drawing, singing, guns, cars, whatever it is that you feel passionate about, this Full Moon we are being asked to stand up to anything that’s keeping us from achieving that creative high we hope for when doing something for ourselves. In order to step into our power we are being asked to escape or find a better way to deal with these intrusions and obstacles that don’t allow you to think clearly when trying to be creative with yourself. Its this release of mental pressure where we find this ultimate courage this month.

Virgo Moon/Rising: Try to really take things as carefully as possible this Full Moon. At this point Uranus in Taurus has made it clear that life is gonna be a mess for a bit, and there’s almost no rest for those who dedicate themselves to service. With everyone detached at the moment, it is us who are here observing the current state of things. It feels like our personal world is being shook and we realize we have incorporated the world into our own bubble, and that usually makes us complacent because we end up feeling just “of-the-world” with no purpose. Bogged down by everything we feel we can’t do anything about. This month in order to step back into our power we are being asked to accept the world and events around you, because at the end of the day you are the most hard working of them all and have the most purpose being “of-the-world.” It takes a lot of courage to gracefully step in and take charge of the controls, be of service the world.

Libra Moon/Rising: This month you’re finding yourself with a few questions about yourself or others and how things flow around you. You are observing the change of status quo and are either following it or trying to find your own. Either option is good as long as it’s true to you. We may feel the culmination of some disappointments, or just bad situations in general which highlight this need for change. We’re coming to a point where we need to choose whether to stay or go. Its in finding our courage to change a situation for our favor where we truly step into our power. Where we look at all the people, thoughts, and ideas we surround ourself with and decide whether we still want to be sticking to that way of thinking or doing things, or we observe and look for a better way to handle situations.

Scorpio Moon/Rising: this Detached feeling has us feeling our emotional intelligence a bit more rationally. This month the Full Moon has us in the spotlight and actually integrating our knowledge into the world. Normally we are very harsh on the world based on the intuitive ideas we are predisposed to and maybe even created by ourselves, but with Uranus shaking up Taurus we are trying to use our common sense a little more things are moving and so should we. We are actively asking the questions and getting to the root of problems we hadn’t touched before. This month we are being asked to actively set our ideas into motion. Or at the very least realize this need for change of personal viewpoint. In order to step into our power we are being asked to use our head and be critical about it, get deep with those questions, open up about the things you’re scared to talk about, it’s in allowing ourselves to be honest about the way we feel about things, and really questioning why, and eventually changing where we find our courage this month.

Sagittarius Moon/Rising: as this month has us detaching ourselves and observing our own lives for a bit, this full moon has you focused on looking for more. More space, more stuff, more power, more something. Your thirst for adventure has you revving for some place you don’t know for some ideas that you have yet to discover. This month we are being asked to observe the stability we have already created for ourselves. We have already created so much and along the way learned things we didn’t think to ever understand but we did all of it and it has beautifully become useful knowledge for future adventures. In order to step into our power this month we can bask in the skills we have achieved and status we have acclaimed and or maybe even just the hard work we have done that has paid off in the end. It’s in the realization of our security and dependability now where we find the most courage this month for us for movement later. It’s good to be free but without any sense of stability we are just caution to the wind.

Capricorn Moon/Rising: this month leaves us with a very positive vibe. The Full moon in our 8th opens up our relationship with our secrets. Something about this month has us feeling happy and almost fulfilled. With everyone feeling a bit detached this month we are opening up to the realization that we’re pretty well accomplished for an individual. No matter what you’re known for know that no one can do the things you do but you. It’s that sense of individuality that this Full Moon has us feeling. Normally we’re bogged down by the sense of society and sticking to the norm, but this full moon allows us to open up to those feelings of accomplishment without even having to compare anything. In order to step into your power, you need to celebrate yourself, even if it’s for one night, you deserve to feel good about all the hard work you’ve done. It’s in actively opening up to yourself and really rewarding yourself for your fame, success, or just personal positivity where you find your courage this month. And be honest about what you’re celebrating, that’s a huge secret to taking bigger steps in the future.

Aquarius Moon/Rising: this month has you feeling almost set back. The Uranus in Taurus has got the Aquarius energy going a bit… slow, so no wonder your plans have been thwarted, the events you set in motion aren’t ripening up as quickly as you hoped they’d be. This Full Moon is really highlighting that feeling of incompleteness not because you haven’t completed anything but because the slow pace has us focusing on whether we are having fun or not, and that leaves us to the realization that we may not if we’ve been too focused on our goals. In order to step back into our power we need to realize that we need to relax every once in a while, sometimes we don’t need to force things to happen, knowledge will eventually come to us if we’re searching but if we’re searching all the time we’re not really enjoying the fun appreciation of life that knowledge has to give. Which includes understanding of the world around us. Aquarius you’re always trying to get somewhere no matter how quickly, but this month have the courage to relax and take your time to enjoy the journey every once in a while, your goal is most likely not gonna go anywhere if it’s meant to be so just let it be.

Pisces Moon/Rising: This month has us feeling truly accepting of our emotions. Normally we’re used to feeling everything around us and figuring out how we can best help others but this Full Moon we are opening up on OUR necessities, and how the world can help US during any grieving or loss or sorrow we may be experiencing. It’s not always easy to just let go but for us this Full Moon we’re being asked just that. In order to step into our power you’re being asked this full moon to ask for help if we need it but to learn from the experiences. In addition, allow ourselves to forgive ourselves for our own misunderstandings and accept that that stuff happens but it’s takes courage to process and let go. Sometimes it’s surrendering to the random occurrences of life and people that come across you when you understand that everyone has to learn these lessons, everyone has to climb these mountains. Although, eventually everyone has to ask for help, or direction, or some sort of assistance at some point.

[fxckcarbsv]

What to do when you have cravings?

Cravings are the worst, but since we’re all basically starving ourselfes, we can’t avoid them. Our bodies just trying to get nutriens and enegry, it’s afraid to die. So I got a few things that helps me stay on track and don’t binge ^^

Distract yourself (play a game, draw, workout, whatever makes you stop thinking about food)

Drink coffe, tea or water. But don’t add any sweeteners/cream!! It’ll only make your cravings worse.

Brush your teeth. Not only that you’ll don’t actually don’t really want to eat when you eat the taste will be horrible.

Reverse thinspo. Regular thinspo sometimes doesn’t work. Reverse thinspo is like magic. Belly fat, cellulite, fat hands - whatever is the most disgusting to you

Body check/weight yourself. Sometimes you forget how fat you are, and how far you are from your gw/ugw.

Read horrible facts about food and disgusting pictures of food. Or just disgusting things. Or things that happens after huge binges.

Get ana vibes. What do I mean? Whatever makes you think about anorexia. Ana songs, ana quotes.

Think of other things that will get hurt besides your progress. Teeth, acne, bloating, insuline, heart and overall health. Do you really want to make it worse? Even if you purge, it doesn’t change anything about it.

Breathe deeply. Calm yourself, relax. Do things that give you more satisfaction than eating. Mine’s are: taking a hot bath, drinking coffe, practice contortion, sleep.

If none of these work, then eat. If you’re on really low limits or fast for a long time It’s time to eat. You have to eat at least a little bit. Even if it’s over your limit. You can make it up tommorow.

How to do it right?

Get safe foods for example: pickles, grapes, lettuce, sugar free jellos or even cottage chese/ jogurt if you fasted for 2 days+

Eat is in control. Breathe while eating. You can actually lose control and binge so breathe and chew slowly.

After you’re done you can try some of the methods again.

Remember that you will binge multiple times more in your life and after long time of not bingeing it’s okay to binge eat, it will not ruin all your progress❤️

Hope this helped you at least a little bit ^^

[lo-55]

Revel Ch. 9

Departing Debacle                   

 The last day was too short and too long at once.

 Tori was not yet ready to leave her childhood home, her jungle gardens and the deep lagoons. The mountain peaks, just barely dusted with snow. Her bay of stars. She wasn’t ready to go back to the surreal. Talking trees, massive pieces of pastries, and people who were barely now her own.

 She didn’t have much of a choice, though.

 Tori strode through the long hallways of her home, sunlight falling through the windows to warm her skin as she went. She was tailed by her whole entourage.  All six of them followed behind her. Madelle lead them, a few steps behind her on the right. Behind her was Aelia and Varinia. On the left side was Daria, Flora, and Lapa. They matched in their light, floating pink dresses. They made for a good high light of Tori’s own blue dresses. Layers and layers of thin robbins egg blue, so pale her own eyes looked nearly as black as her hair in comparison.

 They floated through the palace until they arrived at her fathers solar. A tablinum, some called it. Her sisters soldiers, all dressed in their fatigues, stood at attention on one side of the door. Her brothers valet’s stood on the other. Three for each of them.

 Tori’s handmaidens stood across the hall, lining like a curtain pulled across the arches of the peristyle. Her father’s valet’s, only two now, opened the doors to let her inside. Gemma and Lucien were already seated at a table near the clear running fountain opposite the room of her fathers desk.

 Her father himself sat behind it, hands steeped and brow furrowed deep in thought. He watched his children as Tori joined them, smoothing her skirts before she sat beside the fine marble piece. When they had been children they had had a kitten who would sneak in at all times and drink from the fountain.

 Sir Pounce, who’s offspring now harried the kitchen staff and spent their days lazing in the sun, as their father once had.

 “I’ve come to say goodbye,” Tori told them. “Yet I fell there’s something more going on here that I’m not aware of. Father?”

 Gemma and Lucien had the faces of children who had been summoned. Indeed, Gemma was still a teenager, and Lucien only a bit older than she. Tori tilted her head, sending a sing curl falling across her cheek. The rest of pinned tightly out of the way of her face, and her dress, while fine, was fit for travel.

 “I was about to tell you brother and your sister. You might as well hear it too.  Gold Roger is dead.”

 Tori didn’t outwardly react. That was old new. It had happened before her wedding, before the ‘proposal’ from Big Mom. She still had one of the Roger Pirate jolly rogers stowed in her hopechest somewhere.

 “And?” Gemma asked impatiently.

 “And,” her father went on, shooting his youngest an unpleasant frown, “that means that the world is unstable. We stand as royalty in the New World, on our ancient island, but as the world has become more tumultuous through the rise of pirates and the struggles of the navy we find ourselves in a precarious placement. We need allies.”

 “We have allies,” Tori objected. She could already see where this was going. Lucien and Gemma sat oblivious, but the understanding dawned to her at once. They were royalty. Royalty that needed allies outside of their own people, and the best way to get those was to do as they had already done once, with her.

 “I will not have us relying solely on the Big Mom pirates. She is tempermental and unstable, as liable to turn on us as to provide us aid unless direct offense is offered to her. No. We need more than that.”

 “Lucien!” his voice raised and sharpened and her brother, her only brother, sat ramrod straight. He stood on bones of duty, weighed heavy with the crown of a prince and a legislature. He was just, he was noble.

 “There is an island that was our friend in the past. A part of the World Government. It will be your duty to secure them as our friends once more. Their king has a daughter your age.”

 “No,” Lucien shook his head as reality dawned upon him. “Father, please-”

 “Marry the girl. Princess Scarlett will bring us into the graces once more. Her country is known for peace. You won’t have many problems with ruling it in her name.”

 “I’m needed here,” Lucien argued. “The people need me!”

 “The people will find another advocate,” he said shortly. “Their lives outweigh their liberties. Remember this, if you are ever to be a king.”

 “I’m not supposed to be a king! Victoria is the eldest, she is to be Queen, and I a prince.”

 “Things have changed. Your duties have changed with them,” their father’s voice brokered no arguments. “Pack. You leave at the end of the month.”

 His gaze turned to Gemma, who up until then had looked little more than insuferably satisfied with her siblings misfortune. When she met their fathers gaze her shoulders drew together and her chin lifted.

 “      No    ,” she said viciously. “No, you can’t mean me too!”  

 “It’s necessary. You’ll do as your told, Gemma.”

 “I’m not a bitch to be sold to a stud!” she stood so fast her chair clattered to the ground. The light of the sun seemed, to Tori, to dim in the room. It cast long, dark shadows across their fathers face. No longer was he Father. He was the king, now, and family meant nothing more to him than strings to pull and tie.

 “You’re my daughter!” His voice rose, snapping like a whip that had Gemma wild eyed and tense. Tori half expected her to draw her sword.

 “You are a princess of Imperia. You will do what is best for the country.”

 “If you send me away our military with crumble! You’ll weaken us! You’re not making us stronger, you’re dividing us and making it easier to pick us off! Victoria wouldn’t be missed but Lucien and I have jobs to do.”

 Tori swallowed hard. The barb struck hard in her lungs, liks rose thorns needling into her ribs. Her fingers curled slowly into fists.

 “Your arrogance will get you killed in a real war. Before Lucien leaves, you will. Your husband waits for you in the East Blue. It’s peaceful there. Goa.”  

 Words bubbled on her tongue but bitterness killed them before she could speak.

     She’s only a child!    She wanted to say.      You can’t make her marry! That was what I was. I was to secure our future, and they were to    live      .  

 Instead she stayed silent, watching Gemma’s face turn a blotchy red and her chest heave with fast, rapid breathes. Tori could see the whites of her eyes, like a spooked horse.

 Tori stood slowly, all grace and sweet smiles and politeness. She dipped a curtsey to their father befitting the crown princess.

 “Until next time then. I’ll leave you to play your game, Father.”

 “It’s more than a game. And you had best learn to play it yourself, Victoria, before the weight of the crown breaks your neck.”

 On those cheerful words Tori made her exit, head high and fists hidden in the long folds of her gown. Lucien trailed after her, shocked, with Gemma fuming at the rear. Tori caught sight of her husband and good-sister down the hallway, waiting for her. Daria had joined them at some point and was talking softly.

 A hard hand closed around Tori’s wrist and wrenched her back wards, shoving her hard against the marble wall. Tori stared, lips parted with question, at Gemma who tried to loom at her. She was so furious there were tears now prickling her eyes red, but her lips were fixed in a snarl. A horrible silence descended across them. She could see Madelle take a step towards her.

 “Why did you say anything?!” she demanded harshly. “You could have changed his mind! I’m not going to the fucking East. He can’t make me!”

 Tori plucked her arm from Gemma in a smooth move that nearly brought the stressed younger princess tipping forwards.

 “Just where was your army when I was fit to be wed?” Tori asked, coldness settling through her. It wrapped ice around her heart, staying her hand from trying to offer her sister comfort. Tori would not be missed, and so she would not miss Gemma. “When time for tea party came, how many banners did you call?”

 She left her there, gaping like a fish, and marched to her husband with a the air of a woman who tread on top-frost.

 The trip down from Imperia’s capital was much easier than the journey up, a swift glide that took them tipping into the bay. When they arrived, however, they found that during their absence the great ship they had taken from Komugi to Imperia and her sisters had sprung a leak.

 When questioned, no one would say who’s fault it was or what it was that caused the damage, but Tori suspected it had something to do with the missing cabin boy and the fact that they were now a cask of wine and three canon balls lighter than they had been when they’d ventured in.

 Katakuri said nothing, but the slight furrowing of his brows had everyone on deck scrambling to try and repair it even quicker than before. Tori smothered a small, pitying smile at their expense. They were all so eager to please her husband. It was rather adorable.

 “They won’t finish before nightfall,” Lapa told her. She glanced as well to Katakuri, “Shall we have ourself returned to Veleia?”

 Tori thought of her sister, still a ball of fury, and tasted bitterness like a rotten peach on her tongue. She knew her anger wouldn’t hold over the night, but she still had no desire to go back yet. She couln’t imagine looking on her sisters face and not feeling the thorns in her lungs.

 Yet, it was not her who spoke.

 “No.”

 They both looked up at her husband. He made eye contact with neither of them, his attention on his crew.

 “We can stay here for now.”

 Tori nodded her agreement slowly. That was fine with her.

 “Perhaps we should stay in Panarea for the night?” Tori suggested. “It should be empty still. We won’t need much room.”

 Karakuri dipped his head once. They set off, to the mansion that overlooked the sea. It clung to the edge of the island, beside the underwater barrier. Once it had been home to the Serrets, but they had migrated to Aosta a half century before Tori was born. Now the villa was used as a hotel for nobility, for lack of a better word.

 By the time they walked through the tall gates the sun was halfway set. They should have been so far she could no longer see the tips of the mountains. Instead they strode in and were immediately swarmed by the manager and his staff, cotowing until Tori’s handmaidens herded them all away. Save one valet, who was happy to show them to empty rooms.

 Tori spoke kindly to him, thanking him for the help, and he left with pink resting high on his cheeks. Katakuri seemed less happy with him, shutting the door firmly after he left. Tori looked over the room. It was modest, her husband had to bend to keep his head from knocking on the roof. Tori covered her mouth to try not to giggle at the sight. Her own people were tall, but he was another story altogether. Literally.

 “It’s not the most comfortable,” Tori mused. Katakuri sat on the edge of the bed. When he bent to accommodate himself she caught the barest sight of pale teeth poking out of his lips.

     Fuck, that’s cute.  

 Tori sat beside him on the bed, looping her arm with his and leaning on his shoulder. He didn’t tense like he would have when they first began. Instead he took her hand, no longer wrapped with bandages, and turned it over to inspect her palm. The skin was still pink and sensitive, but there were no extra layers, no scar tissue to be seen.

 “Strange,” he commented, so low she wouldn’t have heard if it wasn’t said right next to her.

 A phantom smile crossed her face. “It was a ‘gift’ from our Enchantress.”

 “From whom?”

 “The Enchantress,” Tori looked up at him. “You don’t know?”

 He shook his head minutely.

 “She blesses babes at their christening. She declared that I would be beautiful, and so I am, and I always will be. I won’t callous or wrinkle, I’ve never had acne or scars and I never will.”

 “If you don’t callous or get scars, your skin won’t toughen.”

 “Mhmm. I know. My hands blister and bleed every time I do any kind of labor. It’s always been like this. I’m soft and pretty, you see,” her smile was not entirely genuine.

 Silence fell for a long moment. She didn’t know what he was thinking.

 “What were you and your sister talking about, in the hall?”

 Tori sighed sofly. She closed her eyes. Already she could feel the angry thorns start to untangle themselves from her lungs.

 “My father is marrying her and my brother off. She was upset, and she was upset that I didn’t try to force his hand or change his mind.”

 “Why didn’t you?”

 Tori traced the lines in her husbands palm. Her soft thumb brushed the hard callouses from his hard won strength. She had seen his trident at home, though she had never seen him have to use it, and for that she was grateful.

 “She’s a princess. He’s a prince. Our lives do not belong to us,” Tori said quietly. “They belong to our people. To our kingdom, to our throne, to our father and our ancestors. Somewhere along the way, they forgot that.”

 “You never did, did you?” There something in his voice. Something like respect.

 “It’s the same for you and your siblings, isn’t it? You wed at your mothers behest, to join the family and grow your power and secure your lines. It’s not so different. Still…” she shook her head, trying to dismiss the silly thoughts.

 “Still?” he prodded, looking down at her.

 Tori looked very intently at their hands.

 “Even though I know what I am, and what my life will hold, I had hoped… when I was married, I had hoped that he might be blind.”

 She could      feel    his confusion.

 “Blind.” he repeated.

 “Blind. So that if they came to love me it would be in spite of my beauty rather than because of it.”

 He sucked in a hard breath. Tori waited for him to say something, but nothing came. They sat together as the sun began to dip and the shadows chased across the floor, both lost in their own thoughts.

[iamfallinforeverything]

I’m sorry (Peter Parker Soulmate!AU)

So it’s been a while again.. Life is just kinda messy right now.  I’ve tried to write one of the requests @wwesarahjaneroszko made but I don’t really know if that’s what you wanted 😅 Also I’ve tried my best with this but Tumblr kept deleting it and I think it could be better. idk

Also I made this an soulmate!AU because I really wanted to try to write one. 

Fandom: Marvel (Tony Stark and Peter Parker)

Summery: Being Tony Starks daughter was... hard. Especially when your soulmate is trying to build a connection with you. 

Warnings: swearing, timeline is a little bit off (just Peters and readers age), shitty writing? also no angst this time hahah 

“Daddy?”, I said as I walked up to him. 

He was sitting on the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand while he was looking at something. As soon as he heard my voice he put the cup down and turned himself a little bit to look at me. 

“Yes little one?”, he answered. 

“What is this? Am I ill?”, I asked and tears pricked at my eyes. 

I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up and revealed my arm. I kept it hidden the past few days. Everywhere were black lines and dots. They itched and from all the scratching was my arm covered in red streaks. I couldn’t thing about anything from where they would be from other than some illness. And I didn’t wanted to be ill. 

My father got up and took my wrist in his hand and started to turn my arm. He let his thumb run over one of the marks before he looked at me and smiled sadly. 

“No my love, you’re not ill. You don’t have to worry about them.”, he said and together we walked to the couch and set down. 

“What are these then?”, I asked and looked at all the lines. 

“These are your soulmate marks. Your soulmate is drawing or writing on his skin and through your connection they appear on your skin as well. When he washes them of or when they start to fade away, they will disappear from your skin as well. But they won’t hurt you. They are a little bit itchy at the beginning but that will go away as well.”, he said and wrapped his arm around my shoulders while he was speaking. 

“But I don’t want a soulmate. I don’t need one.”, I pouted and crossed my arms in front of my chest. 

“Everyone has a soulmate my love.”, he laughed and stroked my head.

“Was Mommy your soulmate?”, I asked him and avoided his gaze. She was a hard topic, for the both of us. 

“No. We loved eathother, but we weren’t soulmates.”, he answered and stroked my head again. 

“Did... did mommy found her soulmate?”, I asked and started to play with my fingers. 

“Yes little one, she did.” 

“Did she left because of him?” 

“You’re so smart.”, he said and gave me a little kiss on the top of head. “But yes, she left because of her soulmate.” 

“Do you have a soulmate Daddy?”, I asked and looked at his arms. There weren’t any marks. 

“Everyone has one, I told you.”, he answered. 

I shifted a little bit so I could look at his face. 

“Where is she?” 

“I haven’t found her yet.”, he shrugged. 

“Why?”

“I had your mother. I didn’t needed her and I didn’t wanted her because when I was younger I thought that soulmates were stupid. I wanted to be independet and I wanted to choose myself with who I spend the rest of my life with. But that was stupid. Soulmates are here for a reason and I regret it that I didn’t searched for her.”, he answered and put a strand of my hair behind my ear. 

“You can look for her now Daddy.”

“It’s not that easy little one.”, he smiled sadly.

“Can I draw her something Daddy?”, I asked and looked at him with my puppy eyes. He never says no when I looked at him like that. 

“Of course you can little one. I’ll get you a pen.”, he laughed. 

He got up to get one of the pens that laid on the kitchen isle. As he sat back down he gave it to me and rolled his sleeve a little bit more up so I had more room to draw. 

“But I don’t know if she’s going to respond to your drawing. It’s been a while since we communicated.”, he said. 

“That dosen’t matter. It’s just a reminder that you’re still here and that we will find her.”, I smiled and he laughed again. 

“You’re way to smart for you’re age Y/N.” 

I’ve started with a little butterfly. After that I drew a flower and an apple tree right next to it. Underneath it I drew my father and myself. He hold my hand and we were both smiling widely. 

“Now she knows that we have an apple tree with flowers next to it. And that butterflys are always there. And we’re happily waiting for her.”, I said as I proudly looked at my work. 

“It’s beautiful little one. You did a great job.”, my father answered and looked at my drawing. 

“Thank you.”, I answered and started to draw a little butterfly on my own wrist. 

“Do you think he will see it?”, I asked and pointed to the butterfly that I just drew. 

“He will.”, he answered and gave me a kiss on my cheek. 

I laughed and rolled my sleeves back down. My father did the same and then he got up and held his hand out to me. 

“Come on little one, what do you want to eat?”, he asked and together we walked back to the kitchen. 

~~

Over the years the random lines and dots became little drawings and words. But I didn’t knew much about my soulmate. All I knew was that his name was Peter and that he was almost a year older than me. 

And he tried to get to know me. He really did but he came at a time were my life was just chaos. My father was captured by terrorist and noone knew if he was coming back alive. And after his return I’ve stayed at his side to make sure that he was alright, like he did for me all this years. I’ve stood at his side as he announced that he was Ironman. I’ve stood at his side as he decided to change some things at Stark Industries and I’ve stood at his side as he faught against his long term partner. He had always been right next to my side and now it was simply my time to stand next to his. 

And getting my soulmate to know was simply too much to handle at that time. I saw his questions and his little drawings, but often I simply hadn’t a pen with  me or time to scribble an answer. And on day he just stopped trying and I didn’t made an effort to change that. My father was my number one priority and everything else didn’t mattered.  

Also how was I supposed to explain that? Sorry I couldn’t write back because my Dad is Ironman and it’s a shit ton of work? No. Who would believe that? 

~~

Right now we were sitting in one of the conference rooms and listened to Thaddeus Ross. He was a dick, I could see it the moment he walked in.  And his Sokovia Accords weren’t really well thought out. There were still important questions without an answer, but my father didn’t cared. All he saw was the danger he and all the other Avengers radiated. He searched for an solution for all the guilt he was feeling and these accords where the right thing. So of course he would say yes. Of course he would say it’s a good idea without thinking twice about it. Maybe I should talk with him once more when we were alone. This didn’t seemed like a good idea. Something was strange about Mr. Ross and I didn’t liked what he was implying. The Avengers weren’t dangours. They were still learning how to function as a team and how they could use all of their abilitys. 

These accords weren’t the right thing to do. They made the Avengers to puppets of the goverment who would use them as they were pleased and that wasn’t a good solution. Eventhough my father thought it was the only one.

I couldn’t find the right moment to talk with him and later on everyone was sitting in the common room. They were already talking about the accords and I took a seat next to Nat. 

Dad and Steve were already having a pretty harsh argument and I just watched them. Until my father pulled this picture up.

“Yes, he died Dad. It’s tragic and his death was unnesessary, but it happens. How many lost their life in an unnesessary war? How many loose their life because some asshole decided to see what it’s like to kill someone? It happens Dad and you can take his death and the deaths from all of these other people to learn from it. To be better the next time, to do better next time. Because if you sign this contract you’re going be nothing but a puppet to the goverment who will use you for all their bullshit. Who will keep you looked in here and take all your things that you’ve worked so hard on. They will take your freedom and your own will. They will take you Dad and I don’t want that for you. You’ve done so much for all of us and it shouldn’t end like this. You deserve better.”, I said and looked him in the eyes. 

And for a moment I thought I would have changed his mind. For a moment I saw this agreement in his eyes but it vanished again and he started to look angry. 

“Are you really on their side?”, he asked and pointed to Steve and Sam. 

“I’m on nobodys side Dad. I’m not an Avenger. I’m your daughter who has to live with your choice as well and I don’t want that you make the wrong one.”

“You’re right Y/N, you are my daughter and I make the decisions. It’s my job and not yours. These accords are the only option to stop us from going on another killing spree. We need someone who will take a look over everthing from a different perspectiv. We can’t decided such things by ourself.” 

“And who says you have to? You can talk with them, make a deal with them, another accord that won’t turn you into a fucking puppet!” 

“Watch what you say young lady. I am still your father and not some friend from school. Be careful with what you say.”, he warned me and he looked so angry. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen him this angry. 

“Fine. I just don’t want you to make a mistake that you’ll regret. I just don’t want to see you suffering again but if you want that, than go ahead, sign it and you’ll see what it’ll brings you. Because I can tell you from the look on Steves face that you’re going to loose him, as an ally and as a friend.”, I said and looked at both of them. 

Steves gaze dropped to the floor and it was the first time in my life that I experienced my father speechless.

“Just think about it Dad. It’s not the right thing to do.”, I said and decided it was the best thing to leave. 

As I said, I wasn’t an Avengers I wasn’t the one to make the final decision. I wouldn’t be as affected as them. 

Later that day I was laying in my bed with a pen in my hand. I really needed someone right now and I had noone. Everyone wanted to be my friend because of my last name that was Stark and not because of me. I was alone on this planet. But I knew there was this special someone that was made just for me and I fucked that up as well. I ignored him because I was in so much pain and stress that I didn’t wanted him in my life right then and there. And now I wanted him more than ever in my life. Someone who I could talk to and someone who I could go to when I didn’t wanted to be home. But did he still want me in his life? I must have hurt him with my ignorance. It was worth shot, right? 

So I draw a little spider right on wrist with a little speech buble that said I’m sorry.

~~

Some time flew by and I still hadn’t got an answer from my soulmate. I repainted the little spider over and over again. I wanted an answer. I wanted to sort things out. I needed him in my life more than ever and I wouldn’t give up on him. But.. maybe he had already given up on me? He gave me same silent treatment I gave him all that time ago. Maybe he didn’t wanted me anymore? Maybe I wouldn’t fit into his life after all? Maybe I have lost him before I even met him.  But I wouldn’t give up! I wanted him in my life. I wanted to make it up to him and I was at least as stubborn as my father and my soulmate was going to see that now. I wouldn’t give up on us. I would find him and would talk to him, even if that meant to search for someone who had a little talking spider on their wrist. 

At the moment I was waiting for the arrival of spiderman. My father wanted to give him the suit back he made for him and ask him to be a member of the avengers.

Pepper had organized a press conference for the announcement that Spiderman was officially a member of the Avengers. While Pepper was waiting inside the press room with all the reporters and journalists, was father outside and waited for Spiderman. I stood at the window and looked down to see when Happy would arrive with him.

My father said that Spiderman was probably somewhere my age and I was more than courise to see someone this young with special abilitys. Also it would be nice to have someone to hang around with in my age. Don’t get me wrong I loved all of the avengers, they were my family, but I was by far the youngest and I just wanted to have someone that was my age. And with Spiderman I would have that. 

So I got pretty excited when I saw Happys car. Unfortunatly he parked at a spot where I couldn’t see them. 

“They are here.”, I said quietly to myself and walked to the door where the press conference should happen. 

Between the doors were the new Spiderman Ironsuit. Because Spiderman would need it to meet the reporters. Patiently I waited for my father and Spiderman. I could see them before I could I hear them and of course my father needed his dramatic appearance so they walked pretty slowly. 

I rolled my eyes and focused on the boy next to him. He was handsome, I had to admit that and his nervousness around my father made me smile. He would be good company, I knew that already. 

Of course my father just kept talking to him about all that becoming an Avengers stuff and just ignored me. I rolled with my eyes again and just waited patiently for them to finish with their conversation. That was my punishmet for my outbrust over the accords. Being ignored. But I was fine with that because at the end of the day my father would still come to me to tell me about the newest stuff that happend. 

And the best part was when Spiderman turned down the oppertunity to be an avengers. When he turned down to live with us in the Tower and when he chose to be the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. My father accepted his dicision, of course he did. He would never force someone to be a part of something he didn’t wanted to be. 

But right as Spiderman was about to leave I made sure he would know who I was. 

“Go wait in the car. I’ll bring you home, just need a minute.”, Happy said and I smiled. My turn. 

“I can bring you down. It’ll can get a little bit confusing around here.”, I said and walked up to him. 

Spiderman seemed to be even more nervous when I approached him which made him even cuter. 

“Yeah.. that.. that would be nice. I’m Peter.”, he said and smiled at me. 

“Nice to meet you Peter. I’m Y/N.”, I answered and held my hand out for him to shake. 

He looked down at my hand and immediatly his smile froze. He took my hand into his and turned it around. My sleeve had slipped a little up and revealed the little spider. Instandly I turned red and pulled my hand back to pull my sleeve down again. He certainly had to think I was some crazy fan through the little spider. After all, he was spiderman. I looked at my feet in embaresstment. What a stupid idea to draw a little spider. I could have used everything else. Why a spider? 

But Peter said nothing. Instead he pulled his own sleeve up to reveal the same little spider. It was the same spider with the same speech buble that said I’m sorry. I looked at him shocked. He was my soulmate? Spiderman was my soulmate? The fucking universe was kidding with me. Ironman as father and Spiderman as soulmate? How as I supposed to live a quiet life with these two at my side. But on the other side I couldn’t be happier. He would knew exactly what I meant when I would say that all of this superhero stuff would get on my nerves. Because he was one. Because he surely had experienced the same feelings about that. 

And the longer I thought about it the more I liked the idea of spiderman being my soulmate. 

“What just happend?”, my father said and kicked me back into reality. 

“I’ve found my soulmate.”, I smiled and looked at him. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”, he said and rolled with his eyes. But right after that he started to smile. I knew that he would be happy for me. 

“It never gets boring Dad.”, I laughed and when I looked back at Peter his eyes got a little bit bigger. 

“D-Dad?”, he said insecure. 

“Yeah. He’s my dad.”, I answered and he swallowed heavily. 

“Don’t worry.  I’ll make sure he’s nice to you, right Dad?”, I said and looked at my Dad. 

“I’m always nice. I don’t know what you mean little one.”, he answered and put his hands up in a defensiv position. 

“I’ll remind you on that Dad. Come on Peter, I’ll bring you back down.”, I said and started to walk the corridor down. 

Peter mumeled a quick goodbye and then I could hear how he walked a little bit faster to catch up with me. 

“That was a test from your father, wasn’t it?”, Peter asked and look at me. 

“Of course.”, I said and laughed. 

Maybe it was for the better when Peter thought that it was really a test. He didn’t needed to be an avenger just yet. 

We walked a little in silence. I didn’t knew what to say. There were clearly some thinks that we should talk about but now wasn’t the right time. We needed to get to know eachother. 

“Hey-y Y/N?”, Peter said as we left the buliding. 

“Yeah?”, I asked back and looked at him. 

“Can I.. Could I have your number? So we can stay in touch?”, Peter asked nervously and scratched his neck. 

His sleeve slipped up a little while he was doing it and I could see the little spider again. 

“Of course.”, I answered and smiled at him. 

He pulled his phone out and gave it to me. I wrote my number down and gave it back to him. 

“Thank you.”, he said and I just smiled. 

“Friday, could you open Happys car for me please?”, I asked her. 

“Of course Y/N.”, she answered and I could hear how she unlocked the car. 

“Thanks Friday.”, I said and opened the door for Peter. 

He sat inside the car and I looked at him through the open door. 

“I hope I’ll hear from you soon.”, I smiled. 

“Sooner than you expect.”, he answered and smiled back at me. 

“I’ll count on that Spiderman.”, I laughed and closed the door. 

I walked the stairs back up and right as I opened the door my buzzed at I took it out of my pocket. 

I’m sorry as well., stood on my screen from an unknown number. 

It’s fine. I think we’re even., I answered and entered the building. 

~~

Right now I was laying in my bed and held phone up so I could see the face of my boyfriend. 

“I should probably go to bed, but I really don’t want to.”, he said and smiled widely. 

“You really should. Who knows when you need to get up because someone needs the friendly neighbourhood spiderman?”, I teased. 

He rolled with his eyes and laughed. 

“I love you Y/N.”, he said and my heart started to raise. 

“I love you too Peter.”, I answered and smiled at him. 

“And now the two of you can go to bed!”, I could hear his aunt scream from the back which made me laugh. 

“Goodnight.”, I chuckled. 

“Goodnight Y/N.”, he answered and we ended the phone call. 

I couldn’t be happier then right now.