#went back to watch the episode because of how much I think about it

[royaltozaki]

misunderstandings

bachelorette series - trailer ▸ part 1 ▸ part 2 ▸ part 3 ▸ part 4

synopsis: y/n watches the most recent episode of the bachelorette and is met with something she doesn’t like. sana also seems to be angry for whatever reason and it builds up into a big argument at the end of the night.

warnings: sex! overstimulation, fingering, scissoring, oral sex, degradation, choking, cursing

w/c: 7.1k

a/n: soooo sorry for the delay this will probs be my last update for a while bcs finals season is driving me up a wall (if u see me post another story or part its bcs im actually not studying and u should yell at me for it) i lwk hate the pacing of this chapter i feel like its everywhere but hey! we got some smut!

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the backlash wonsik gets online is more than satisfactory. apparently, with all the evidence piled up against him, he would most likely be sent away for the rest of his life. which is disgusting to think about, how much crime do you have to commit to get a life sentence? you try to shake those thoughts as you watch the most recent episode with the leftover contestants while sana’s on her individual date as usual. it was tradition now, even more so as the pool of contestants gets smaller and smaller.

after your day off, things had gotten right back to normal.

sana went on a solo date with jacky. good thing it was jacky too because they had the famous ‘conquer a fear’ date. who knew big, australian jacky was afraid of balloons. and in typical bachelorette fashion, producers came up with a romantic hot air balloon date for 5am in the morning.

costume designers had rushed into your room at 4am, turning on all the lights and pulling sana from your arms, not even casting you a second look now that they were used to seeing the both of you cuddled up and naked most of the time they had to come in and dress you.

you were barely conscious as they ran around frantically, pulling the covers over your head and groaning a little, trying to make yourself go back to sleep.

you’re sure sana didn’t feel the best either from the little grumbles and whines you can hear faintly as she struggles to keep her eyes open while makeup artists dab eyeshadow on her eyelids.

soon enough they're off and you drift back into sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later so you can get dressed and attend the group date for the day.

that was also pretty fun. everything was meant to be high-adrenaline, facing your fears, all that sort of stuff today. so the team had booked out a big amusement park and you all had free rein. it was also good because it meant you had a little bit more freedom, not everyone had to stick together so people ended up splitting up naturally when they wanted to do different rides and you had even managed to sneak sana away from the cameras for a quick make out session in the toilets.

it was a pretty great day and would make for a nice and light episode after the mayhem that happened with wonsik. there was a rose ceremony as always but this time, only 2 people were eliminated. unfortunately you had to say goodbye to dae and nayeon, sana did say it was getting harder and harder to eliminate people because as the more time goes on, the closer you get, and when there's less people in the house, it also facilitates closer relationships. she had to eliminate those two simply because she felt her romantic connection with them wasn't as strong as it was with some of the other contestants. it was rough but that's showbiz.

after 2 more eliminations tonight, it would officially be the quarter finals meaning it would be time for sana to meet all of her last 4 contestants' families and close ones.

currently, you're enjoying an afternoon tea at the contestants' house. as usual, sana was on a solo date with jiwon but there wouldn't be a group date today because there wasn't enough time to film it. instead, the both of you were allowed a little sleep in after yesterday's rude 4am awakening, and a little more time in the afternoon to dress up before the rose ceremony tonight.

the episode had just finished with jacky and sana's date. jacky still won't go near a balloon and he's probably developed a fear of heights on top of that too now but at least it looked pretty on television.

you had teased him when the episode showed him nervously walking around and inspecting the hot air balloon before sana had to basically yank him into the basket. he had his eyes shut tight the entire time, holding on to sana for dear life while they ascended. it was a little cute when sana finally managed to get him to peek his eyes open once they reached their highest altitude, just in time to catch the sunrise, and in exchange for getting over his fear and not backing out of this date with her, she gave him a rose and kissed him on the cheek.

you heard afterwards from eunji that as soon as they touched back down he had jumped out of the basket and laid face down in the grass for about half an hour, just getting used to the feeling of being on the ground again.

they had caught a bit of him on the floor doing exactly that which was pretty hilarious because sana was crouched next to him, poking him and trying to get him to sit up but he just groaned and mumbled something incomprehensibly in response, his rose still clutched tight in his hand, stretched out in front of him.

they cut it off there though, maybe a little for jacky's reputation but you all knew how long he was there for.

after a short break where they show a few scenes of silly occurrences inside the house with the other contestants, and then finding out everyone was invited on the group date that day, except for jacky who was invited but ended up taking the rest of the day off to recuperate and basically laid in bed in the medical office, even skipping the rose ceremony since he already got his rose.

they shot everyone in the car on the way to the amusement park, asking the contestants what they thought was going to happen, if anyone was scared, trying to pull a few comedic clips together, all the anticipation scenes the audience needed to be excited for the date.

eventually, everyone's in the middle of the amusement park with sana and yourself waiting for them in casual clothes. you shift a little as you recall the way you had her gasping into your mouth and your hand up the blue polo shirt she’s wearing on screen only 20 minutes after the introduction and everyone had split off.

in the meantime, while the cameras were running around frantically trying to find sana, they had filled in the gaps with clips of the other contestants, you laugh when momo is practically dragged onto a rollercoaster by jihyo and jun, she’s kicking and screaming but they manage to strap her in and gesture for the roller coaster attendant to go. its one of those really fast ones where it goes from 0 to 100 in seconds so the force pushes all of them back against the seats, poor momo barely has the time to blink and then its over. she’s gasping with her eyes clenched shut while the other two are laughing and pulling her off and along to the next ride.

it’s great being able to watch what happened when you weren’t on screen, and also what sana was up to when you weren’t with her.

you laugh when they show all the contestants clambering onto the carousel, you had all taken some group pictures and some of them were more than silly.

eventually, you get to the rose ceremony, and just as you were on the night, your breath is taken away again with sana in a stunning red dress. she really nailed being on camera, her face was one that was meant to be on screen.

the night starts merrily, everyone's more of a family now, you’re all happy to drink and talk together, and it wasn’t so competitive to get time with sana anymore because there were less contestants.

you frown a little though when the camera shifts to sana and jihyo, they’re sitting very close in one of the more private rooms inside the house.

jihyo’s playing a joke and sana’s laughing, a little flushed, probably from the alcohol as she slaps jihyo’s arm lightheartedly. jihyo preens at the attention, grabbing another drink and offering it to sana who accepts it gratefully and takes a sip.

she hums in satisfaction before speaking up, “so you never did tell me how you broke up with that gym rat…”

jihyo’s laughing a little nervously, twiddling her thumbs a little, “right yeah… i just realised that i made the wrong decision. i was caught up in the newness of everything with him but after that got old, i realised i still loved-“

sana’s eyebrows are shooting up, she’s setting down her drink and clearing her throat.

“sorry.” jihyo flashes an apologetic look over at sana, but sana shakes her head.

“no no it’s okay. be as honest as you can, please. we’re both here because we’re looking for a relationship right? can’t do that if we have any skeletons still in the closet.”

jihyo’s smiling gratefully and then continuing, “he wasn’t it for me. that’s why i broke up with him. i’m sorry for the way i treated you sana, you didn’t deserve that, you never did anything wrong in our relationship and i never really gave you a reason to why we broke up. i hoped by coming on here i may be able to win back a second chance.”

sana hums again, taking a moment to think while jihyo nervously looks at her with wide eyes.

“jihyo… you hurt me a lot when you left.”

“i know! and i’m so so sorry for that! i never want to do that to you again, all i’m asking for is another chance sana.”

she’s shuffling closer, grabbing sana’s hands tightly and imploring with her eyes.

sana looks down at their hands together, taking a breath before looking back up, "look... i'm not going to lie to you... i never really did get over you completely."

what?

"and i wouldn't have kept you in here for this long if i wasn't curious about what you had to say and if i wasn't ready to give you a second chance."

what the actual fuck?

"it wouldn't be fair though. to the other contestants, y'know? if they knew you had a head start. and i admit i was avoiding you a little because i wanted to even the playing field and get to know everyone else first before revisiting this." she makes a gesture with her hands, signaling between the two of them. "so its nice to finally be able to sit down and get a clear answer about what happened in the past."

jihyo looks more and more hopeful as sana goes on, your hands only get tighter around the fabric of your pants. sana didn't tell you about this conversation last night. sana hasn't mentioned anything jihyo related. whenever you ask, she's always managed to change the conversation or misdirect you with the promise of sex. was this why? is this how she really felt about jihyo? did she think you would disapprove? well you do disapprove but that was besides the point.

all of the other contestants don't seem too shocked with this news. it's not too surprising though because they've all lived with jihyo and the one thing they all have in common is sana so there's no doubt they've all discussed each other's feelings for sana, and jihyo probably told them their history as well.

you're fuming though. you can't believe sana didn't tell you something this important. that you're finding this out along with the rest of the country when you were meant to be her best friend here, the one person who was supposed to know everything before everyone.

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the rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur. you can vaguely tell when someone comes up to you and tries to initiate or bring you into the conversation but your mind is swirling with information about sana and jihyo, their past interactions, whether you could decipher any of sana's feelings from observing her.

eventually, it's time for the rose ceremony again and you're still in your head about everything you thought you knew happened yesterday.

you have half the mind to pull sana aside and ask her about it but when you meet sana's eyes, she squints a little and looks away quickly with signs of a pout in her lip.

the night continues like this, the two of you stealing glances at each other only when you think the other isn't looking. when sana starts pulling jihyo aside though, you don't care if she sees the look of disbelief on your face, she doesn't seem to notice anyway, all cozied up to jihyo.

you're averting your head again and downing the rest of your drink in one gulp.

when it's time to read out who gets a rose and who's going home, you're stiff standing next to sana, she's purposely avoiding your gaze as well. the tension between you two was so thick jiwon had come up and asked if something had happened between you two. and technically nothing did happen so you don't really know why sana seems to be angry with you when you were the one who was hurt by yesterday's episode.

the ceremony is brief, you have to say goodbye to jun, and eunji unfortunately but you can barely give them a proper hug as you stare at jihyo who's now made the final four.

after your goodbyes you quickly make your way towards the car, tapping your foot impatiently while waiting for sana to finish saying her goodbyes so you could both go home.

unfortunately, that takes another 20 minutes and you're just about to tell the driver to leave without her when she's sliding into the car, still avoiding your gaze and sitting on the opposite end of the car. normally she's all over you, needing affection after a big day but now you're pretty sure if she moved any further away she'd be falling out the window.

that was fine though. it’s not like you wanted to have an argument with her while the driver could hear you anyway.

the car’s pulling in and she’s opening her door and stalking inside the house without even a second glance towards you.

what the fuck? why was she mad at you now?

you feel almost childish copying her actions and making sure to slam the door on the way in, but if she was acting like this for no reason that only infuriated you more.

you find her in the kitchen, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting for you to come in.

once you’re standing on opposite sides of the counter, you cross your arms and still. she’s leaning on the counter with her hands, staring you down. there was no way you were going to be the first to break. she was the one who had some explaining to do right now, not you.

sana's stubborn as well though, lips pursed and not backing down.

it goes on like this for a few minutes before you finally break, raising an eyebrow and asking coldly, "so do you have anything you want to say to me sana?"

sana scoffs, the tips of her ears red, "do you have anything you want to say y/n?"

"what? no! i don't even know why you're being like this right now! i'm the one who's been left in the dark here."

"oh you're the one who's been left in the dark huh? unbelievable that you're still lying to my face about this. is that how you really feel about her?"

"excuse me?! it doesn't matter how i feel about her! the whole issue is how you've been dealing with this situation!"

sana sneers, your voices getting louder and louder trying to top each other, "this again? seriously y/n? i'm my own person and i'm allowed to have opinions on who i like and who i don't like! if she's being weird or sneaky or whatever i'm going to call her out on it!"

you scoff, "yeah right. like you called her out on it last night? and tonight as well i bet. why did you take so long saying your goodbyes huh?"

sana goes beet red and you think you've got her, "what?! what are you talking about?! and i stayed behind to say proper goodbyes to everyone! not like you apparently who couldn't care less, you barely talked to anyone tonight, when jun, and eunji, who was one of your closest friends here right?! when they had to leave you didn't even look them in the eye when they hugged you!"

"riiiiiiiiiight and you expect me to believe that? you weren't cuddling up and getting a quickie in before you had to go right?"

"what?! what are you talking about y/n?! quickie- what?"

"with jihyo! you stayed behind to talk to her didn't you!?"

"what?! well yeah i did but what does jihyo have to do with any of this?"

"what?! i've been talking about jihyo this whole time what do you mean?"

she's slipping something out of her suit pocket and sliding it across the counter to you. your phone.

"are you fucking serious y/n? you've been talking about jihyo this whole time? what the fuck? why the fuck are you suddenly bringing her up? you're the one who's been going behind my back getting all flirty and friendly with miyeon! after you told me you were just friends?! calling each other babe and sweetie and honey in your texts, how the fuck did you even get her number anyway? how long have you been talking to her huh? how long have you been fucking me while talking to someone else?"

you're scrambling for your phone, unlocking it and scrolling to your messages with miyeon. fuck. sana must have read everything. you don't even remember leaving your phone behind but it must have been with her since the morning. you scroll down the texts and see the most recent messages miyeon has texted you today and you find that sana has been replying to her.

"are you serious sana?! why the fuck did you go through my phone?"

sana turns her head at that, pouting a little, "i didn't mean to! she just kept on texting and i thought it must have been something important if your phone kept going off so i just went in to make sure everything was okay! how was i supposed to know you were basically sexting her behind my back!?"

"we were not sexting oh my god sana! miyeon is my friend we're just friends!"

"why have you been keeping this from me then?! you must like her or something then don't you?!"

"what?! no! and don't talk to me about keeping secrets right now sana!"

"what secrets have i kept from you?!"

"hello?!" you're waving your hands around frantically, "the whole jihyo situation?! why didn't you tell me you never got over her?"

"i never got over- what?!"

"you said so last night! on national fucking television! don't play dumb with me right now sana, and don't try and change the topic on me!"

"i never said that! are you being serious right now? jihyo and i split and it took me a while but you were there for it all! you saw me at my lowest and you helped build me back up! i am over her!"

"why is she in the final four then?"

"oh my god y/n you cannot seriously still be talking about jihyo! i'm over her! the producers wanted her to make it to the final four because they thought they could add some drama in during the home visits or whatever! jihyo and i talked about it last night and i told her why she was still here because i didn't want to keep leading her on! that's why i stayed for longer after the rose ceremony, i just wanted to check on her and make sure she was okay with all of this because i still care about her! i loved her at one point in my life!"

"that's not what i saw in last night's episode!"

"what?!"

"yeah! you and jihyo were all close and snuggly and she told you she still loved you and you said you were going to give her a second chance!"

"y/n i never said any of that." the rage has lifted slightly now, replaced with confusion.

you're breathing heavily, tired from arguing, you and sana had more fights these few weeks that you've been filming than you've had your entire lives together.

you tap out of your messaging app, going to tiktok and searching up last night's bachelorette episode, scrolling past all the funny jacky moments and amusement park shorts, trying to find the part where jihyo and sana were talking. someone had to have posted about it.

"are you serious right now? are you fucking texting miyeon while we're talking?"

"what?! no! sana i told you miyeon and i are just friends! i'm trying to find a clip of you and jihyo last night to show you what i'm talking about!" you find one then and quickly hold it out for sana to see.

she watches the clip replay a few times while you wait defiantly.

after the seventh replay you take your phone back, sighing when you think she has nothing to say for herself.

“y/n…”

“want to explain yourself now? anything else you wanna divulge while you’re at it?”

“what? no y/n i didn’t say any of that. they edited that together. i didn’t say any of that to jihyo i promise.”

you look at her in confusion, looking back to your phone, and then back to her.

“i did pull jihyo aside and we did talk but i never told her that i didn't get over her. y/n you have to believe me baby i- i can call the producers right now, they'll clear everything up." she's reaching for her phone, but the immense relief that she doesn't still have feelings for jihyo washes over you and brings you to action. moving around the counter and taking her phone from her and wrapping her in a hug.

she stills against you, and you're both surprised when you feel your own tears falling down your face, the tension of the night finally getting to you.

"y/n..."

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry i do believe you. this all seems so silly now i hate when we fight. i overreacted with the whole jihyo thing and it could've been solved so easily if i'd just talked to you instead of..."

sana softens against you, wrapping her arms around your waist and carding a hand through your hair. "it's okay baby. i'll talk to the producers tomorrow and make sure they don't pull anything like that again. and after the home visits i promise jihyo is the one who'll be going home."

you sniffle a little, "you don't have to do that for me sana. i swear i was just being..."

"hmm?"

"i don't know i'm tired sana. can we go to bed?"

she hums against you, pulling you both towards the bathroom for your nighttime routines. once you're done, you're climbing into sana's bed and picking up your phone again, scrolling back to your messages with miyeon while waiting for sana to finish her routine and join you.

y/n: heyy sorry i just got my phone back, sana's had it the last few hours because i left it behind so if i seemed weird over text it's because she was messaging you

miyeon: oh it's okay! i did think you sounded a bit off but i just chalked it up to u not feeling well or something. was sana mad when she found out we were texting?

y/n: 😂 how did you know?

miyeon: well i was on the receiving end of her jealousy when she texted me today so that was one clue 😂

y/n: jealousy?

suddenly your phone starts vibrating and miyeon's name flashes across the screen. you pick up hesitantly, "hello?"

"y/n! hey! it's good to actually hear your voice again!"

you chuckle a little, "you too princess. what's up?"

"nothing really, i just wanted to see where your head's at with sana now."

"what do you mean?"

"remember the conversation we had the night i got kicked out? while you were drunk?"

you squint a little, shuffling around in the sheets, "kinda... why?"

"i noticed the way you looked at her, the way you talked about her, even on the first night i think the reason why no one suspected that you weren't just a regular contestant was because i thought, we all thought you also felt the same way we did for sana."

"w-what?"

"you might not have realised it... but i think you were beginning to see it when filming started. do you get jealous when you see sana with the other contestants?"

"i- well- i mean i kinda just thought i was friend jealous though. or like that i just wanted the best for her which was why i was so harsh on contestants in the beginning."

"the way you talk about her over text sounds like its more than that y/n."

"i don't- what- i'm not jealous-"

you barely register that sana's finished with her routine now, sliding into bed next to you and cuddling up immediately. "what are you jealous about?"

you freeze, looking at her like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar in the middle of the night.

"is that sana?" you're broken out of it quickly when you hear miyeon's voice over the phone.

sana bristles though, moving away from you and frowning, "are you on the phone with miyeon?"

"i- yeah-"

sana's snatching the phone out of your hand instantly, bringing it up to her ear and speaking into the microphone with a cold sneer, "yes this is sana. can i help you?"

you can't hear miyeon respond but the way sana's speaking sends a lightning rod of arousal down your spine. your mind is still hazy with what miyeon's suggested, and you're thinking about how you hated seeing sana kiss wonsik, how blinded you felt when you thought sana still liked jihyo, what could this mean? how long have you liked sana for? has it always been this way?

you don't realise that sana's features have become less defensive as she talks to miyeon, almost apologetic even when she settles back down next to you, humming in response to something miyeon's said over the phone. she's within proximity again that you can make out miyeon's voice.

"-but i hope you've been doing well and taking care of yourself with all the craziness that comes along with filming."

"yeah thank you miyeon. really. and again i'm so sorry for all the misunderstandings nd i hope you know that eliminating you was definitely a mistake and it was very short-sighted of me but i'm glad that we've finally had a chance to talk where i'm not completely hostile to you."

you can hear the airy giggle of miyeon over the phone, "of course! all the best with the rest of the season sana. maybe we'll see each other on the other side."

sana smiles, "definitely. goodnight miyeon!"

she hangs up and hands your phone back to you, going right back to cuddling as if nothing had happened.

you're trying to pick out what part of that conversation that you overheard bothered you when it hits. "eliminating miyeon was a mistake?" was this the jealousy again?

"weren't you the one saying that?" sana raises an eyebrow at you, brushing her fingers over your side.

"well- i-"

she's giggling now, "i'm just kidding. miyeon just put to rest everything that was on my mind so i have nothing to worry about. i'm sorry for overreacting when i found out you were texting her. you're allowed to have friends, sorry i was trying to micromanage that."

"what was on your mind?"

"hmm y'know... you mostly."

you whine, hitting her lightly while she laughs at you.

"she told me you were just friends and she never meant to make it seem like it was anything else. she also helped me... come to terms with a few things so i'm actually very grateful for that."

"what things?"

"so many questions y/n. are you worried i'm about to steal her away from you?" sana teases.

"what? no! stop teasing-"

she grins, poking your cheek, "i'm keeping that to myself for now okay? i'll probably tell you one day. just not today."

"why not?"

"just because." she smiles, "now let's sleep."

you grumble a little, confused at what miyeon could have told sana, confused with what miyeon told you. there was one thing you did want to test out though...

you lean in quickly and capture sana's lips, taking her a little by surprise but she's quick to reciprocate, closing her eyes and kissing you back.

you're aggressive, climbing on top of her quickly and licking into her. you're trying to figure out if kissing her made you feel anything more. anything that could clue you in on your true feelings for her.

she's breaking away from you panting though, pushing you back slightly when you try to chase after her again, "woah y/n baby baby slow down- what's got you all in a rush?"

your eyes are dark as you look down at her, friends don't normally feel like the world would end if they stopped kissing right? you needed to be back on her, in her, needed to feel her around you, needed to taste her, needed to memorise every single sound she made, you needed her. that was more than just lust right?

"just- just need you please-" you're leaning back in, almost begging.

"no- no y/n stop. tell me what's going on, you're not normally like this."

you groan, head falling to her shoulder, slumping against her. "something stupid miyeon said..." you mumble into her shoulder.

"what did she say?"

you huff against her, "that i had feelings for you."

you hear the gasp sana lets out, her hands at your waist tightening their hold and you groan into her, grinding down a little at the feeling.

she stills you though, hands sliding down to grip your hips, "stop that." her voice is harsh, and you're reminded of the way she talked to miyeon over the phone, all cold and annoyed. it only makes you drip more at the tone of her voice and you whimper a little.

"do you?"

"do i what?" you're distracted, wanting only to kiss her again.

"do you have feelings for me?"

you sigh, "don't know- that's what i'm trying to figure out."

"how are you trying to figure it out?"

"kissing you. touching you. seeing if all of it made me feel something more."

"something more?"

"i don't know. something other than horny."

sana hums before finally loosening her grip. "okay. try it. just promise me you'll tell me what you think afterwards?"

you're quick to latch onto her lips again, mumbling yes and thank you into her.

she bucks her hips up against you and you moan. she was finally giving into her feelings and letting you do what you wanted, expressing herself freely.

“can you- mmf- can you-“

“what what is it baby? what do you need?”

“can you- be mad at me?”

she’s kissing down your neck, nipping slightly as you grind down into her, “i’m not mad at you. we talked about this just then baby.”

“no- i need- can you pretend to be mad?”

she’s licking up to your ear, “i don’t understand baby. can you elaborate?”

“f-fuck sana- can you- just imagine i did like miyeon and i wanted to fuck her-“

you’re scared you said the wrong thing and ruined the mood when she stills under you. then all of a sudden she’s rolling you over and straddling your hips, lips and teeth back at the sensitive parts on your neck. “you like it when i’m mad?”

“g-god yes sana please-“

“whore. you want me to mark you up? make sure everyone knows your mine? mine to ruin?”

“yes yes sana please-“

you moan when you feel her sucking at your collarbone, intending on doing exactly that.

"off." her hands are at the bottom of your shirt tugging, and you scramble up, almost knocking your forehead against hers in haste, you'd laugh but you were so pent up you couldn't think about anything other than her fucking you all night long.

her hands are cold when she slides them up your stomach, cupping your tits and you shiver at the feeling.

"trying to piss me off on purpose bringing up her name into this hm? after we just made up too." she squeezes and you gasp into her, nipples hard against her palms as she runs a thumb over the tip.

"think my pretty baby's going to come for anyone else?" she circles a nipple leaving you twitching, "i'm going to ruin you so that everytime you even come close to coming in the future, you'll only be able to think about me."

she's licking a trail down the middle of your chest, before sucking marks into the sides of your breasts, avoiding your nipples, only tracing them lightly with the tip of her thumb.

you're squirming around under her, begging and crying, eyes clenched shut, hand drifting down towards your folds, trying to alleviate some of the pressure that's built up.

she snatches your hand quickly and pins it above your head, "don't even fucking think about it."

you whine under her, trying to pull away from her grip but she has you completely under her control.

"don't do that baby. you asked for this didn't you? you're going to be a good girl and take it now." her lips come back down on your other tit, sucking and licking again, you're grinding up into nothing, stuck with the feeling of your own sticky arousal.

"p-please sana need- please- more-"

"what do you need baby? this?" she takes a nipple into her mouth then, sucking gently and flicking over it with her tongue, then popping it out of her mouth, "or this?" a hand trails lower, thumbing the waistband of your pyjama bottoms. "maybe this?" a knee comes up then, pressing right where you need her most and you’re moaning against her.

"g-god sana- fuck- all- all of it- god i need all of it-"

"be more specific sweetie. you can do it. c'mon now."

"f-fuck need you to fuck me like you said you would. need to feel your fingers inside me, your mouth wrapped around my clit, your hands gripping my ass so hard it'll leave behind handprints. just need you sana please- please-"

"mmm that's a good girl. begging for me like the slut you are. because you were so pretty i'll give you that. but you gotta talk me through it okay? if you stop i'll stop and i'm going to go fuck myself in your bed and leave you here for the rest of the night."

you whimper, nodding your head.

"words baby."

"yes, yes yes god please just-"

she smirks and then she's back at your nipples, fully sucking on them now and pulling your bottoms off along with your panties, immediately swiping a finger through your wetness. the sudden change from feeling nothing to feeling everything be stimulated was almost too much but also exactly what you needed.

"god sana please- inside- need you inside."

she's pushing one finger in and you feel yourself clench around her, already so close, desperate for her. suddenly you're remembering your actual task, but before you can formulate another thought she's pulling out and thrusting back in with another finger.

"god you're so wet for me baby. how long have you been thinking about this hm?"

"i- fuck- i'm never not thinking about you sana."

sana hums, keeping a slow, languid pace, "is that helping with your little mission tonight?"

"i- w- fuck sana faster please-"

"answer the question first."

"f-fuck i- i don't know- i c-can't think- please-"

she's pulling out and removing herself from you so that none of your skin is touching anymore.

"now? now can you think?"

"sana please fuck- yes! yes it's helping everything is helping please just need you back-" you're making grabby hands at her, trying to pull her back so you can feel her against you again.

she obliges, pushing back into you and humming, "that's a good girl."

"thank you- god sana- thank you- mm fuck thank you-" you're babbling, barely making sense when she speeds up, curling her fingers inside you just the way she knows you like, and rubbing her thumb along your clit each thrust inside.

soon enough, you're coming around her, her name and curses spilling out of your mouth but she's not done. she's crawling down your body, marking almost every inch of skin she can get her mouth on, and then latching onto your clit and sucking, fingers still pounding into you.

"f-fuck! sana! 's too much! f-fuck-"

she only hums against you, the vibrations against your clit only tightening the coil in your belly once more and the overstimulation is too much and you feel yourself coming again.

she's pulling out and you think she's finished but she flips you onto your stomach, slipping a pillow under you to lift your ass up, hands gripping the cheeks and spreading them apart, just like how you had begged her to. but then her fingers are prodding at your entrance again and she slides in, and this angle is so much deeper and you cry out, muffled against the sheets, trying to squirm away from her but she's got your ass right where she wants you.

she's leaning down, pushing in and out of you again, you can feel her chest against your back, the fact that she's still wearing her top fleetingly crosses your mind but you can still feel her hardened nipples against your skin, you arch back into her.

"my baby's not done yet. you're going to give me another one. and another one. until you've finished your little experiment right?"

you're sobbing into the sheets, the delightful mixture of pleasure and pain running through your body, your hyperaware of every single movement, every single place your skin touches, every breath she takes as she ruts her fingers into you.

you feel your third orgasm coming up when a hand is snaking a way back up your body, pinching roughly at your nipples before closing around your throat. you gulp and clench even harder around her fingers when she squeezes her hand lightly, moaning your approval.

"yeah? you like that slut?"

"y-yes o-oh god fuck- sana- fuck-"

she's squeezing tighter now and the pressure is perfect, the lightheadedness from the cutoff of oxygen combined with the overstimulation and you're coming again, thrashing into her as she releases you slowly, heaving in air as specks of black dot your vision.

you feel almost numb when she slides the pillow out from under you, turning you slightly so she can kiss you gently, and you moan at the taste of yourself on her tongue.

she's slipping a leg between yours when you realise that she's taken off her bottoms, and you gasp when the feeling of her wetness glides against your clit.

you whimper against her lips, "sana..."

"shhhh baby one more."

you're helpless against her, whining and pushing yourself into her, relishing the way her breath catches and she moans when your clits drag along each other. she's got one hand at your tit again, pinching a nipple and you need to feel more of her so you slide a hand up her top, grasping at her breast and moaning when she rocks against you just a little harder at the feeling.

your lips never leave each other, even when you're so blissed out you're just panting into her mouth, rutting against her. you're not even thinking straight when you mumble the words, slurred together and mixed with curses, but sana still catches it. "i love you."

she stops immediately, leaving you humping her like a dog, panting into her wondering why she's stopped.

she's gripping your hips, stilling you, eyes wide, "what did you just say?"

"i love you sana fuck- please- please let me come again please-"

her eyes study you, half-dazed, and then suddenly she's rutting against you again, your hands tighten around her tits just to be able to hold onto something because she's pushing against you and you're so close and her hands are basically moving your hips against hers without you even doing anything, she's moaning into your mouth, caught in her own pleasure and it's all too much when you feel her tighten her legs around you, coming with a whine and shaking, you come again, eyes closing and feeling the wave of pleasure wash over your body, twitching lightly against her in the aftershock.

when you pull apart your legs are sticky and filthy and hers aren't much better, stained with your essence, you can't even open your eyes, just letting her plant light kisses across your face and neck, holding her against you and learning to breathe again.

when she kisses your eyelids you manage to peek open, staring at her in wonder.

"did you mean it?" her eyebrows are slightly furrowed, hair sticking to her forehead, bottom lip protruding a little in a pout.

you were overcome with pleasure and overstimulation, but you remember everything you said. "i did. i love you. i'm sorry it took this long to realise it."

she sighs, eyes tearing up, "i love you too idiot."

"what about the season?"

"we'll figure that out later. let me clean you up and we can cuddle and sleep?"

you hum, whining when she leaves you to grab a damp towel, missing her warmth already. it felt painful to be without her. every second you spent apart, you were thinking about her, you can't help but laugh at how stupid you've been. you've been in love with sana for the better half of your life, you were determined to make it up to her. to show her just how much you loved her. just how much you needed her in your life.

you smile happily when she comes back, bringing her into a sweet kiss and letting her wipe at your legs. you were so, utterly, in love with her, and you finally realised it.

[jayz4dayz]

RWBY Volume 9 Was A Total Missed Opportunity:

Putting this out there right now. Volume 9 is by far my favorite volume of RWBY for many reasons which I will not be addressing in this post, but there are a few things that have been on my mind since it's been released where I feel the storyline went wrong and could have been something so much more meaningful for the character's story arcs and development.

Starting off with our main man or should I say our old man Jaune Arc. His presence throughout Vol. 9 felt out of place not just for his character, but also the way his development was handled didn't feel right in the slightest. Becoming a crazy old crackpot because he foolishly made bad decision after bad decision, completely altering and undoing a lot of his character's timeline, and turning into this sort of secondary antagonist for Team RWBY made no sense to me. The way he said so many out of pocket things throughout the different episodes, including completely crossing a line with Ruby and being insensitive towards her mental and emotional condition instead of showing genuine concern like he normally would have, made me cringe to where I wasn't enjoying what I was watching anymore. Not in a good way!

Here's how I would have done it:

Going back to the very end of volume 8 where we see Jaune running towards the portal and barely missing it by mere inches, followed by seeing him fall into the dark abyss and joining the same fate as Team RWBY and Neo. Instead of that, we see him jumping through the portal at the very last second and making it to Vacuo by the skin of his teeth. The others see him and question why he's alone and where Team RWBY was, only for him to go "Uh..." and then the screen cuts to black and the credits start rolling.

We're gonna skip the three year hiatus and jump right into the beginning of Vol. 9 where only Team RWBY and Neo have fallen into the Ever After. For the first few episodes leading up to the reveal of the Rusted Knight, I don't think much needs to change except for the fact that they won't ever encounter Jaune, but they will still encounter the Rusted Knight who, in this version, is someone that would have had the entire fandom shook to their core when the big reveal of the Rusted Knight's identity happened: Pyrrha.

Now, how would she get to this point, you might ask? Well, remember when she got pierced by Cinder's Arrow and her body seemed to disintegrate? This scene:

This death compared to all the other characters who were killed off was unique in the fact that there was no body left behind and it almost appeared her energy was transported to another place. Hmm, perhaps another realm such as the In Between or the Ever After? Why this happened, in my opinion, was because of the use of someone else's semblance. We know very little about Pyrrha's family and have only seen her mother on screen once, so we don't know much about her backstory or semblance either. However, if her semblance worked anything like Raven's to where she needed to be attached to someone in order for her semblance to work and transfer her loved ones to a safer location to escape a deadly threat, now we have something. What if her mom's semblance transported the body to another realm of her choice right before the moment of death? (I like to call it a "divine intervention" semblance.) If that's the case, then why wouldn't it make sense for a mother's love to send her daughter somewhere familiar and (relatively) safe and still accessible to Remnant? The Ever After was based on a children's tale that everyone knew growing up and Pyrrha being as smart as she is would instantly recognize where she was transported to. Maybe she had knowledge of her mother's semblance and knew this might have happened one day, or maybe not. I find the one scene her mother is in to be very interesting because while she was talking to Jaune, she had a very bitter-sweet attitude about it and almost talked as if she knew more than she let on, but I digress.

In the story's timeline, when Team RWBY arrives in the Ever After, Pyrrha would have been there already for a couple of years. That would have given her enough time to establish herself and explore the different acres because let's be real here, Pyrrha wouldn't have stumbled upon the time travel fruit and messed around with it like Jaune did, nor would she have focused all her energy into the people of the land even though she would protect them with her life if she had to, but at the end of the day, she was just trying to figure out a way home. Once she stumbles across Team RWBY, it would all make sense why the Tree didn't let her return to Remnant yet. By this point, I'm sure she would have encountered Alyx, Lewis, and the Curious cat, probably handled the situation a lot better than Jaune did, and give Team RWBY a cautionary tale about the Curious Cat in a way that wasn't bitter or vengeful. The bee's having their special moment still would have happened, the team's fallout with the Curious Cat still would have gone down, and then we get to the scene with Neo's Jabber Walker clones and Ruby has her mental breakdown and identity crisis. I don't see Pyrrha blaming Ruby for what happened to the Paper Pleasers despite her immense sorrow for the loss of her only friends she had during her time in the Ever After. Her experiences with the Paper Pleasers would have been way different too because there's no way she'd be a gold-hearted tyrant like Jaune was painted out to be. I do see Ruby blaming herself and still running off anyway because she feels like a burden and a failure as a leader. I didn't enjoy the way Jaune was the center of focus when Ruby was very clearly in a dangerous state of mind and I'm positive Pyrrha would have picked up on it right away and address it to Ruby's team after the fact and not go off on her for not doing enough.

Team RWPY would go on the search for Ruby and still find her in Neo's torture dungeon, which would have been just as painful to watch, especially from Pyrrha's point of view. Ruby having to watch Pyrrha die in Vol.3 and now she had to witness Ruby "die" in Vol. 9 is kind of a trippy coincidence that fits so well. The only difference being Pyrrha immediately taking the initiative to find Ruby before the cat does and the final battle being way more epic. Jaune certainly gained a lot of battle experience throughout the series, but Pyrrha was always ahead of him in that respect and without a doubt would have sharpened her skills to perfection while she was on her own in the Ever After. Ruby emerges as a new version of herself, they defeat the Curious Cat, Neo ascends, and all of the girls finally get to go home together, hand in hand.

I can even go as far as to say this would have made Vol. 9 Beyond so much better too. Picture it, Team RWBY and Pyrrha leaving the portal and the first person to see them is Jaune. The potential for Arkos here is so strong it kills me inside! They'd have a raw moment between each other, there'd be lots of crying on Jaune and maybe even Pyrrha's part too, a long hug, and most definitely a romantic kiss that would have tied their relationship arc together in such a perfect way. It would have brought Pyrrha back and that's honestly all I want.

Of course, this is all just for shits and giggles, but I'd love to hear what y'all think or if you have something else to add! ^-^

[nhi-theuserof-this]

I think that watching episode 52 of ninjago activated a whump neuron as a child because I can specifically remember just rewatching that episode all the time specifically to see the scene at the end where lloyd is just going though it and almost fucking drowns

[puppyeared]

Atla live action 😐

[landfilloftrash]

it has been years since that revelation and it has only gotten worse.

aka could I be normal for two seconds

[http-numbah5]

Turkish Dizi girlies where do you watch your stuff for free without signing up?

[beachboysnatural]

one in the morning i am listening to slipping through my fingers on repeat and missing my mom really badly while also feeling upset with her and i don't think this combination will ever really leave me

[cupid-styles]

Oh fuck tattoorry piercing his girl’s nipples would be so hot specially with how much she loves humiliation that entire interaction would be so sexually charged

this took me FOREVER but I hope you enjoy!!!!

part of the tattoorry/plugrry world

word count: 3k

content warnings: piercings (mentions of needles), spicy but no smut

masterlist | talk to me

. . .

"Wait, you're being serious?"

Harry huffs out a laugh, sticking his chopsticks in the to-go container of veggie lo mein. "Of course I'm being serious. Why would I lie about that, dovie?"

His response, though not meant to make her feel bad, makes her shrug, a warm blush blooming over the expanse of her cheeks. She stuffs another bite of dumpling in her mouth, chewing it thoughtfully to save her from further embarrassment in front of her boyfriend. 

"Don't feel bad," he murmurs, his large palm finding the space between her shoulders, rubbing her sweatshirt-clad skin comfortingly. Her eyes stay glued to the television in front of them, where they're watching the newest episode of Ru-Paul's Drag Race per Y/N's request. (She's never watched it before and Jo, the receptionist at St. Mark's Social, told her she had to. Y/N's been steadily binging it for weeks. Harry pretends like he doesn't love it, but he's secretly just as invested.)

"Dove, look at me," he sighs, placing his food on the coffee table. She does, positioning herself to face him and flittering her eyes up to his face. He looks tired, but they both are. It's been a long week of work and school — however, Y/N was able to get an interview for the bookstore on campus, which ended up causing her a lot of stress and anxiety. It ultimately went well and they said they'd be getting back to her soon. Even if it wasn't the bookstore she wanted to work at, it was still a source of income that would hopefully replenish some of her savings and help her pay rent and bills. 

"I shouldn't have laughed, I'm sorry I did that," he says softly, "It's just a given to me, because of my work. Nipple piercings aren't otherworldly, like they probably are for you."

She shouldn't be nitpicking, but somehow that hurts just as badly. Sometimes, she feels like a child around Harry. It's as if he's lived a thousand lives in the adult world and she's just recently gotten to have a smidgen of those experiences. 

"It's not otherworldly," she says the word like it's an insult, and Harry has to press his lips into a line so he doesn't laugh, "I just didn't know people got them."

Clearing his throat, he forces himself to put on his professional piercer-and-tattooer face, "Yeah. It's something that anyone can get and I've done a fair amount of them. Semi-painful in the moment with a long healing time. They can look good on the right person, though."

That causes her eyebrows to nearly shoot up to her forehead. 

"What do you mean, the right person?"

"You're just a nosy little thing tonight, aren't you?" Harry fires back with a smirk. She goes to cower with deflated shoulders but he instantly makes a tsk-ing noise with his mouth, grabbing her hands to keep her close, "I just mean, like any piercing, it doesn't always look right on the person. Sometimes people get nose or eyebrow piercings and it's like, oh, that's fine. But sometimes it's as if their anatomy looks complete with the piercing — almost like it's meant to be there, if that makes sense."

It doesn't, but it only continues to pique her curiosity even more. 

"What about me?" 

"What about you?" Harry chuckles, using a hand to smooth her hair down. 

"What piercings would look good on me?"

He smirks at her little game. She plays this sometimes, and he assumes it only comes from a place of true wonder. When they talked about the drugs he's done before, she asked which ones he think she'd like. (None, except maybe for weed, but she has to get her anxiety under control before she tries it.) They went over different styles of tattoos when Y/N was interested in his work, especially when he explained that his are just a hodgepodge of designs, some with meaning, some without. (He said she can get whatever she wants if she decides on something one day, but he's particularly partial to a little "H" on her bum.) And now, she wants to know what piercings would fit her. 

"You can get whatever you'd like, dovie," he replies, "Just as long as I'm the one doing it."

She rolls her eyes and leans her shoulder against the plush of the couch cushion. "Yeah, but you're the professional, Harry! You know what would look best on me."

"Anything would, you're gorgeous."

"That's a cop-out answer and you know it!"

Harry laughs loudly and places his hands atop her shoulders, "Okay, okay. Let me think, dovie. I need to assess my client."

"Oh, you're being a professional now?"

"Shhhh!" he exclaims, and it only makes her laugh harder. He's already gone to that focused place, though, with wandering but fixated eyes and that small crinkle between his eyebrows. She feels bashful beneath his gaze, blinking her eyes as he analyzes her facial features. She's watched him work before, but for some reason, this in particular reminds her of the first time they met, when she sat in on him tattooing Mai. She remembers the way her stomach warmed and her core throbbed at his attuned facial expression, similar to how it is now.

"Okay," he murmurs. Slowly, he reaches up to gently tap at the side of her nose. "I think you'd look very pretty with a small nose piercing."

"Really?"

He nods. "Yes, but you're beautiful with or without, so it doesn't matter. Plus, I can't have my girlfriend looking cooler than me."

She's not surprised at the way he instantly returns to his teasing self, even if it's not exactly the answer she was fishing for. She watches as he leans forward to grab his carton of noodles. With her tongue peeking out to moisten her lips, she attempts to grab his attention again.

"What about...?" she glances down at her chest. Harry looks at her with a quirked eyebrow. Her form is currently swallowed up in a sweatshirt that's a few sizes too large, so she realizes she's not being entirely specific about what she's asking. "Like...?"

"Huh?"

She sighs frustratedly, "My boobs!"

"Oh," Harry's eyes widen, flickering down to her covered breasts, "You wanna know if you'd look good with nipple piercings?"

She nods, nibbling on her bottom lip. She watches at the cogs turn in his brain, his gaze meeting hers a moment later. 

"Need to see 'em." he says decidedly. 

She huffs out a chuckle as he helps her peel her sweatshirt off, leaving her in a comfortable bralette. It's pale pink and sheer, but with Harry's hands splayed across her ribs, he still pulls the fabric down. In an instant, her nipples are stiff and peaked from the cold air, and she's attempting not to feel sheepish underneath his intense eyes as they flicker between her breasts. 

"I don't know why I'm even contemplating it," he says, though it's mainly to himself, "Of course you'd look hot with them. You're you."

He looks up at her with a goofy grin before pressing a kiss between them. She blushes.

"You think so?" she asks as her hand finds the back of his neck. He nods, eyes flickering closed when her fingertips play with the shorter, curly tendrils. 

"Of course."

"Would you do it, then?"

Harry's eyes shoot open. "Wait, what? I thought we were just... talking, I didn't think you were being serious."

Y/N shrugs, "I dunno, I kind of like the idea of it."

"Dovie... you only have your ears pierced," he mumbles, sitting up and reaching to gently touch her ear lobes, "If this is something you'd seriously want, I'd want you to think about it for at least, maybe, a few days, not just 10 minutes."

"I've never done anything impulsive, though," Y/N says through a whine. He understands it, and his face crinkles some at her request. "You've gotten tattoos while you were drunk! O-or given stupid ones to yourself!"

"I know, baby," Harry coos, "But those were stupid decisions and I don't want you to make the same ones. You're so much better than that."

She sighs dejectedly. He presses a kiss to each of her cheeks, then to her nose. 

"I get it, dove, really. And by all means, I'd rather you get an impulsive piercing than a tattoo. But the healing time is really long, and it is painful. I just don't want you to regret it or... or get mad at me, either."

Y/N's heart softens a bit, nodding her head as she worries her bottom lip between her teeth. "No, I understand." 

"If you still want them in a few weeks or months, I'm more than happy to be the one to do it," he says softly, reaching down to give her hand a small squeeze. She perks up a little at that, and he smiles. "Just give it some more thought, okay?"

. . .

Harry really, truly thought Y/N would never mention the whole nipple piercing thing again.

It turns out, his girl is way more stubborn than he could have ever anticipated, because it's been four weeks since then and she still wants them. 

In fact, she's currently sitting in his little work zone, where he tattoos and pierces other clients. Not his girlfriend.

"Are you sure?" he asks for the thousandth time. In the time since she first brought it up, she's done tons of research, including asking Harry just short of a million questions. He appreciated her enthusiasm towards education, but talking about nipple piercings as soon as he finished up work wasn't always ideal. Still, though, he made sure to entertain anything she had to ask, even catching her looking up different jewelry styles and what it looked like on different people. 

And, as soon as Jo accidentally overheard Y/N talking to him about it, of course she offered to show her own. Harry wanted to bang his head into a wall as he listened to them excitedly chatter in the corner, right after one of his employees bared her entire chest to his girlfriend. It had to be some type of workplace violation, only Harry served as the closest thing to Human Resources at the shop — and, considering they sold weed on the side, he didn't think he had much of a case against Jo.

It just so happened that Y/N got out of classes early on Wednesday and Harry hung around the shop those days, making deals and doing boring business administration things. When she asked if she could come by to get her piercings done, he reluctantly said yes. 

It wasn't that he didn't absolutely love the idea of it — he did, actually, and his mouth nearly watered at the imagery it created in his brain. What he did hate was the thought of causing his girl any kind of pain. He was still in the camp of being fearful that she'd get angry at him if she didn't end up liking it. But her excitement towards it never wavered, and he would never be one to tell her no.

"Yes, I'm sure," Y/N replies, wringing her hands together in her lap. "I'm nervous, though."

"That's normal, dovie. Just try your best to relax, it's only me."

She nods as he shuts the door to give them some privacy. He never does that with clients, but he wants to make sure he's making it as comfortable as a process as possible — and, maybe he's keen on ensuring no one else gets a peek. 

He busies himself with sanitizing his tools, washing his hands, and eventually pulling a pair of latex gloves on. He wishes he could make it a more fun experience for her, but the whole thing is quite medical.

"You already picked your jewelry out, right?" he asks lowly. She nods her head as she watches on. 

"Mhm. I sent you a picture of it last week."

"Right, these simple pink barbels, hm?" 

The piercing jewelry she'd chosen were pretty spot on to Y/N's aesthetic of being uncomplicated and feminine. When he saw what she picked, he immediately told her that it would fit her perfectly. 

"Alright, I'm gonna clean them and then we can get started. Still feeling good?"

She nods again. 

"You gonna tell me if you're gonna pass out again, baby?"

She scowls, remembering back to fainting from her first ear piercing. The sour, twisted frown on her face makes him laugh. 

"That's still so embarrassing." she mumbles. On the newly cleaned workspace, Harry shakes his head, placing the sanitized jewelry and piercing supples down on it. 

"Not embarrassing. Cute, actually," he corrects, peeling his gloves off. "Okay. I'm gonna help position you, is that okay?"

"Do you do that for every client?"

He narrows his eyes at her playfully, "No, you jealous little fiend."

She pulls her sweater off, revealing a pale blue baby tee. He swallows as she lays back on the extended table, taking a deep breath to surely calm her nerves. He gently squeezes her wrist, hovering over her form as she gets comfortable. When she shoots him a small nod, he smiles, flipping her shirt up. 

"Okay, baby," he says, smoothing his hand over her stomach, "I'm sure you read this in your... insane amount of research—"

"Not insane."

He nods curtly, "Right, not insane," he quickly corrects. "Anyway, your nipples have to be hard for this. It helps with the placement."

She issues another silent nod his way but doesn't move to do anything. With a small smile, he gently cups her breast. 

"Do you want me to?" he asks, his tone dropping lowly. She's not quite sure what he's even asking to do, but she still provides an affirmative answer. It's not a second more before he's latched his lips around her nipple, her eyes fluttering back from the sucking sensation. It's messy, the way he alternates between each one so they're swollen with his spit, and her fingers find his long curls, tugging at them gently to press him closer to her chest. 

It feels like he's gone far too quickly, plushy, wet lips pressing a quick kiss to the valley between her breasts as he examines his work. Her mouth parts as she watches him bite his lip. 

"You're good," he pants out, though he takes a moment to adjust the growing bulge in his pants, "Need to... put gloves back on."

They're both a bit lust-driven now, but Harry's quick to meld back into his professional persona after snapping a clean pair of gloves on his hands. Y/N swallows as he analyzes her, feeling squeamish beneath his eyes. Wordlessly, he grabs a marker and places two dots on either of her nipples. 

"That's just for the placement," he explains, grabbing a mirror so she can look at where the jewelry would sit, "What do you think?"

Truthfully, they could have been completely wonky and Y/N wouldn't have noticed, let alone say anything. She trusts Harry implicitly, even if she still feels a bit hazy from the welcomed assault on her stiffened breasts.

"Good." she says with a nod, glancing up at him, "Looks good."

"Alright, baby," he replies. He turns to get the clean piercing needle from his rolling tray. "I'm gonna count down from three. I want you to close your eyes and inhale on three, then exhale on one. We'll take a short break after the first one, and then I'll do the second. Does that sound okay?"

"Mhm," she mumbles, nervously biting her lip. "Just do it, please. 'm gonna lose my nerve."

He chuckles and nods, instructing her to keep her eyes closed as he situates himself over her. 

"Okay. Three— there you go, dovie, big, deep breath— two, one."

She immediately winces from the sharp bite of pain, a noisy gasp falling from her lips. Harry silently cringes to himself — not because the piercing isn't perfect, but because he absolutely hates knowing he's the reason why she's in pain right now. 

"Keep your eyes closed, baby," he murmurs as he fits the jewelry through the first piercing, "Good girl. You're doing so good for me, hm? My strong baby."

She swallows harshly, hands balled into fists at her side. It's painful, that much is true, and she's beyond grateful when he finally finishes screwing the jewelry into place. She lets out a shaky breath and Harry coos, taking one of his gloves off to thumb her tears away. 

"Was that okay, dovie?" he asks worriedly, "We can always save the second for another day."

Y/N quickly shakes her head, "No, no. Just do the other one now, otherwise I'll never have you do it."

Harry repeats the process on the other side. The pain is just as bad, tears continuing to cloud Y/N's vision and roll down her cheeks despite her keeping her eyes squeezed close. He shushes her softly throughout it, his heart tugging. Once he's finished, he's quick to wash his hands, listening to her quiet sniffles. 

"I know baby, I know," he mumbles. He crosses the room as soon as he's done, sitting down next to her and brushing her hair back, "You did so good, you know that? 's all done, dovie, you're done."

She sniffs, batting her wet eyelashes up at him. "'s done?"

"Yeah, sweetheart." he says with a small, crooked smile. "You were so good. Took it like a champ."

"I didn't, I cried the whole time."

He chuckles and leans down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Do you wanna see them?"

She nods, nibbling on her bottom lip as he stands to grab the handheld mirror. He helps her slowly sit up, hinging at the waist. He holds it up to her chest, both pairs of their eyes staring at her swollen breasts. His eyes flitter to her face to gauge her expression, scared that she hates them. 

"Wait," she mutters, cocking her head to the side, "Wait... they're kind of hot."

Relief floods Harry's system and he smirks. "You think so?" 

"Yeah," she nods, sitting up on her knees, "I know they're kinda puffy right now but... I think I like them. A lot."

Harry swallows harshly, dropping the mirror on his chair. Suddenly, he's surging towards her and taking her cheeks between his large palms, smushing their lips together like his life depends on it. It takes her entirely by surprise, and it's hurried and hot and desperate, so much so that she's panting into his mouth and gripping at his black tee-shirt. 

When he finally breaks their kiss, strings of spit still connecting their mouths, he keeps his forehead pressed against hers. Again, he glances down to get another look at her chest. 

"I love you so fucking much," are the only words he can utter out before he's pulling her jeans down to bury his head between her legs. 

[lady-ashfade]

Yeah, she’s my mom.

Sally Jackson x wife reader x son!percy.

-£ Is this apart of the lore? No. Do I care? Not at all. So forget Gade and have Sally have a good partner. Let Percy have a good step parent. And, because I want her to be my wife.

-£ Warnings: Show and book spoilers, short, “Death”, Demigod luck, everything that happens in the show and the first book but with the reader, my idea of comfort, kinda angst but I’m trying to make this fluffy. Saying this again. Spoilers for the events that will hopefully be in the next two episodes

there was no doubt in his mind that you were meant to be his mom.

when his mother found you he remembered the glow she started to had. you made her so happy and even he could see that at a young age. but the way you cared for him to without a question, letting him cook with you at times and always poke his face with flour. or the time you sat with him when his mom was sick and played with him for hours and you didn’t even bat a eye.

there was always a lovely smell in the air that even he could smell sometimes when he was at school. it was sweet and smelled like every baked good in the world in one place. it brought him comfort. your scent was strong enough to lead monsters away, he didn’t smell like a demigod. the way his mother looked at you, the way you held her and helped out, made him realize that true love existed. and you were meant to be in their lives. to be his mother.

he could remember the first time he actually met you.

“hello there,” you bend down so low to his height, or close to it. the warm smile made him feel welcome, “your mommy says you are special? That’s great, I seem to need a helper in the back. you think you can help?”

he looked up at his mom as he clings to her hand, asking for permission. she gave him a slight nod. he let go and gave you the same look and took your hand. “thanks for letting me borrow your little hero.”

that was the first time and for the rest of the day he didn’t realize his mom was away. the time with you was so special but he quickly needed a nap and he fell asleep on your lap while watching a movie. you were the best babysitter. so every time his mother had somewhere to go he would find himself at your house.

soon after, you moved in with them! It was great since he got to see you all the time now. Then he got enrolled into school and he saw less of you but couldn’t help but count down the second he could see his mom and you.

sally, she was the best lover in the whole world. she was so loving to you. making your heart swell with warmth when you were near her. she had some fire in her and you loved that about her, unless you were on the end of that. there was no life without her.

so you two got married.

years after being sent to school after school, Sally could see how worried you became. and it pained her to never tell you the truth of who Percy was, who his father was, and much more. you constantly looked for schools to fit him and offered to get a extra job just to send him there. but each time she refused because they would be to far away.

but when percy came home. after she got a call from grover. “Dear, I think me and percy need some time to..” she glanced at him as he looked at her confused, “have some time alone.” That’s not how it ever went done. you all did things together.

“Of course.” you just smiled as you always did. understanding. you reached for him and ruffled his hair. “Be good for your mother, got it?” He huffed to fake being annoyed and agreed. he was sad you couldn’t come

if only he knew that would be the last time he saw you for a long time.

the trip to the beach cabin was smooth. him and his mom being normal as always and reconnecting their memories. until the night went south when he started to share his doubts with his mom. that he was broken. he was convinced that everything about him wasn’t normal. it didn’t help when his mom told him the truth of who his father was, and what that made him.

everything was so confusing, Grover turning out to be a goat. Them being chased by a minotaur with underpants, going to a “camp” for half-bloods like him? Yeah, he was probably going crazy.

“Mom!” Percy yelled as he watched his mom reach out to him one last time until she turned to dust in the monster hands. every part of his body boiling with anger that she was taken away. he saw you. how you had just lost your wife too but you had no clue, sitting at home all alone while everything went down.

you didn’t know. that sally was dead, that percy was safe, where he was or his mom. how scared you must be feeling right now. and it took all his willpower to stop himself from buying tickets back home and see you while he was supposed to be looking for the lighting bolt.

when he saw the video of you crying on tv he started to tear up. you defended him from all the accusations that he was involved. saying there was no way your sweet boy would ever hurt his mother.

“If you’re seeing this, come home.”

he almost died so many times. but he had to save his mom, he had to get himself and her back to you.

hades was touched by percy’s actions and  released his mother after everything went down. his mom returned. The manhunt for him resolved. But there was a new war coming, and he was betrayed. And even if he needed to stay at camp for the whole year and train. There was only option he could take.

To go back home.

[lolokouhm]

| Suguru doesn't eat, but tonight he's hungry | smutty smutty smut | tattooed Geto | depressed Geto | kinda poetic | Geto is young and beautiful and not crazy |

„You haven’t eaten, have you?”

No, Suguru hasn’t eaten.

It’s not like you’re surprised. He’s lost weight - nah, he’s been losing weight steadily for the past few weeks. People say that it’s hard to notice when you see someone regularly, but it’s not hard at all - especially in his case. You’re not sure what’s changed exactly. Suguru still looks relatively healthy, not underweight, but the dark circles under his eyes speak volumes.

You sigh and walk into his apartment. It’s surprisingly neat, to the point it’s a bit scary - so clean it gives an impression as if no living person could function there. And maybe that’s exactly how it is. Maybe that tall, handsome guy in black sweats that greets you is not a person anymore, but a ghost. It’s a question you constantly ask yourself in your head, but never dare to answer. Your heart would break. 

„I wasn’t hungry.” A smile appears on his pale face and you sigh again. 

You’ve been friends with Suguru since high school, but after your last year you went your separate ways, just to meet again years later - just a few months ago. He didn’t change much, at least not visually - except for his arms. He might have gone a little bit crazy on ink there, and that’s exactly what got the two of you talking again. Tattoos. You’ve never expected Suguru Geto, that sophisticated, awfully smart Geto would cover both of his arms in the most insane pieces of art you’ve ever seen. You’ve had your own share of ink under your skin, but your collection was quite messy and not that cohesive. You liked trying new styles, creating your own map of memories from different places and different artists, while his tattoos were definitely an artwork made by one man. You had a million questions, he was happy to answer - that’s how you ended up in his apartment for the first time. Soon you realised you had a million subjects to go through - politics, art, even God. It was easy, talking with him. It was fun.

And then it began - the movie nights, when the two of you were going through different eras of cinema alphabetically, also bringing snacks that would start on the same letter as the movie you were watching. A stupid idea that you shamelessly stole from „The Barbie Diaries” - the first movie you’ve watched together and the first one that left Suguru completely traumatised. 

„Luckily for you, today we’re watching The Notebook, so we’ll be having noodles. What kind of noodles do you want, sir?”, you ask, handing him an invisible microphone.

Suguru chuckles. 

„Spicy.” 

A few clicks later the food is already on its way and the two of you get comfortable on his huge couch. The projector starts warming up and you look around - it’s completely dark inside and if it weren’t for the fact you know Suguru well, you’d think he made the apartament that way so the two of you could watch the movie comfortably. Your gaze goes back to him - his body hunching over the laptop, fighting with Netflix again. 

The projector turns on and the movie starts, as the two of you hide yourselves under the blankets. Unfortunately, you can’t focus. You’re worried.

You’ve had some conversations about his depressive episodes before, so technically you know what he’s going trough, but honestly - you don’t. He doesn’t really talk about it, but if you could get into his head you’d understand how much he values your bare presence next to him. If you could get into his head, you’d know way more, but luckily for Suguru, you can’t. He wouldn’t like that. 

In normal circumstances, at least. Because tonight, he is hungry, he is frustrated, and he needs warmth. 

And you are anything but cold. 

So when he catches your eyes on him, he bets. If you turn away, he’ll let you go. If you give in, he’ll make you stay. 

Three seconds. That’s how much time it takes for Suguru to get closer to you and kiss you. 

It’s short, soft and sensual, but it makes his head go fuzzy, and when he pulls back he just hopes you won’t run away. Don’t run away. Don’t. 

You’re not running.

You’re sitting, legs crossed, just as you were seconds before. Your face is completely red now as Suguru’s eyes scan you carefully, desperate to see the future. Will you go? Will you slap him? 

„Why did you do that?” Your own voice doesn’t even sound like your voice. „The Notebook” in the background is now completely forgotten, the flickering lights on the screen keep on changing and throwing different shades on Suguru’s pale face. You didn’t expect that. Not that you didn’t want to or think about it, it’s just…

„I’m hungry” he whispers, and the way his voice sounds gets shivers sprinting down your spine. „And the food’s not here yet.” 

„Yeah. It’s not.” He still keeps his hands on your cheeks, right thumb gently brushing your skin, touch light as a feather. 

„What are we going to do about it?”, he murmurs, words are barely audible. He’s waiting. There’s another unspoken question hanging between the two of you, and you’re the one who needs to answer.

And that’s exactly what you do. 

Both of your hands are suddenly gripping onto his hoodie as you lean into him, lips crashing yet again, just with much bigger force this time. Suguru’s breath shakes as he finally comprehends that he won the bet and a smile crawls onto his face. You’re kissing him. His ray of sunshine. Well, maybe not his yet, but when he’s done with you, that’s exactly how you will be.

And that’s exactly what he does. 

His lips travel down your jaw, stop for a second under your ear and then go straight to your neck as your hands let go of his hoodie and find their way to his hair, gripping desperately on the black strands loosely caught in a bun. He groans at the feeling as he bites the skin of your exposed collarbone, his fingers playing with the hem of your blouse, eager to feel more and more of you. Suguru looks up and tries his best not to moan at the sight of your face, your lipstick completely devoured. 

„Can I?”, a hoarse whisper leaves his throat, but it’s not even a question. He’s begging you. 

And you let him. 

He takes his own hoodie of as you take off yours - and you can see them again. The artwork on his arms. You lean your body against the pillows on the right side of the couch and Suguru gulps. He’s been imagining that for a while now, but the reality, for the first time in fucking forever, was so, so much better. His lips go back to sucking and licking your skin and by the moment he reaches your breasts you whine. His hot tongue plays with your nipples, making you impossibly wet, and the bare sight of him shirtless in those awfully beautiful sweats is not helping at all. A part of you is relieved - his muscles are still there, tensing a bit with every movement. And when he pulls away for a moment, you notice it.

„You’ve got a new one.” A koi fish, on his ribs, drawn as usual in a traditional style, this time with a bit of colour. Red. Your favourite. Your hand is shaking, but you can’t help yourself. You trace the shape of the tattoo, his hot skin under your fingertips feeling like fire. You are in awe - even more when you look at him again, breathing heavily. A god. He looks like a god. 

And then he proceeds to make you feel like you’re nowhere but in heaven.

He’s not hungry anymore - by the time you’re completely naked he’s starving. His name escapes your lips when his grip on your thighs gets tighter, and then it hits you - his tongue finally making contact with the place you needed him in so desperately. Your hands find his hair again, pulling it relentlessly when he inserts two slender fingers inside of you, at the same time licking your clit. Suguru’s ravenous. You could be his breakfast, his lunch, his dinner, his dessert - everything. He could eat you out all the time, no breaks, no thoughts, no objections. He tries to control his own hips that have been grinding into the couch for a while now, but the feeling of you on his tongue isn’t making it any easier. 

„Suguru…” your voice comes back to you, a familiar feeling slowly building up inside of your stomach. „I’m so close.” 

You really are, and your clouded mind is making the sensation almost unbearable. Suguru groans yet again, happier then ever, and then you hear it.

„Come for me, baby.”

So soft. So simple. Not a demand, by no means. An invitation - to fall apart on his tongue. 

You take it.

His name leaves your lips as your orgasm blinds you, back arching as you pull his hair so hard he groans. Suguru doesn’t stop right away - he makes you ride it out, drinking you like holy water. You shake and quiver and he thinks that maybe that’s exactly what it is. Holy water on his tongue. 

And so you lay, completely fucked out under his perfect body, and when he goes up to look at you he’s almost sure he’s going to come right there, in his pants. You’re so perfect. You’re so perfect. You’re so perfect.

„Fuck.” It falls from his lips as he’s taking these damn pants off and you gasp. „I just… Fuck.” He runs his hands down his face, your arousal glistening all over him. It’s like he shines. You might be going insane. Fucking Geto Suguru, hovering over you, his cock impossibly hard, looking for words. „Can I…”

Before he finishes, you lean into him and bring him down, pulling his neck closer to you and diving into the kiss. He pants and you get scared - it’s not reality. It can’t be. Suguru leaning into your touch, Suguru groaning into your ear, Suguru, Suguru, Suguru. His name carved all over your body, all over your mind. 

He goes in slowly, trying his best not to come right away, but he’s more than determined to make you cum again, this time on his cock. He starts thrusting, diving as deep as possible and then reaches for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. It feels so good. Too good to be true. He doesn’t fuck you - it’s way more than that. His lips move up and down your neck, leaving desperate kisses between pants and grunts. Suguru is in pain and you’re the cure. Suguru is the moon and you’re the sun. Suguru is the believer.

And you’re the god.

You asked him about it one night. 

„Do you believe in God, Suguru?”

He said he didn’t, but he changed his mind. He does.

His god is right there, under his fingers.

You come again, moaning right into his lips when you kiss, and the way you clench around him sends him to the edge. He hides his head into the crook of your neck and twitches inside of you, warm cum covering your insides as he pants, hips desperately bucking into you. You’re barely conscious, but you wrap your arms around him and hold him as he’s trying to catch his breath. His heartbeat runs through you and it kinda feels like you’re one person. Maybe that’s exactly what you have become. 

One. 

„Are you still hungry?” 

You can feel him laughing into your skin. Suguru moves his head up and readjusts it, so he can see the bite marks on your neck a little better. Like a tattoo. Another one to your collection.

„Starving.”

masterlist ❤️

[querenciasturniolo]

guest ⮕ m.s.

word count: 1.6k

warnings: swearing, awkward flirting, embarrassment

summary: request

a/n: this was requested by @rainsoakedphoenix, and i had SO much fun writing it (even though it took ages) ! sorry for the mix up, i hope this works 😭💓 i wrote this while watching the new season of heartstopper, which is AMAZING by the way

(this is like 89% dialogue, which i’m sorry if it wasn’t your vision, but i tried my best 🤞🏻)

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

“Good morning campers, and welcome to the Cut the Camera podcast. I’m Nick Sturniolo.”

“I’m Matt Sturniolo.”

“And I’m Chris.”

Your eyes flickered between the three of them, reaching your hands up to adjust your headphones. Nick finally turned his head to you.

“We have a special guest for this episode, introduce yourself.” He said.

You looked at one of the cameras and smiled, lifting your hand to wave.

“Hey, I’m Y/n.” You said, wincing slightly. “Jesus, that was awkward, someone else talk now.” Matt pulled a face, you looking over at him and mocking him playfully.

“Like some of you know, Y/n is one of our good friends from home. She hasn’t been in much of our content because she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing, but that’s fine, we love her anyway.” Nick said. You scoffed and leaned back in the diner seat, pulling the mic with you.

“It’s not that I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just an awkward piece of shit.” You said, shrugging your shoulders. “S’not my fault your fans love watching me suffer.”

“Well that turned dark. Anyway, Y/n, why don’t you introduce the topic.” Chris said. You sighed and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Today we’re talking about how the four of us met, and how I’ve continued to endure their torture for so long.” You paused, Matt’s jaw slack as he looked over at you. You grinned and shook your head. “No, I’m kidding. They’re pretty great, I’m glad they’ve tortured me for this long.”

Chris scoffed. “You love us and you know it.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what I said, but if you want to get all mushy already, then yes, I love you guys.” You said.

Nick awed next to you, Matt leaning over and bumping your shoulder with his.

“You’ve always been the lovey-dovey one. Y/n has called me at like six o’clock on a random Tuesday before just to tell me she was thinking about me.” Nick said. You covered your face with your hands and groaned.

“God, why must you expose me? Let them think I’m dark and gloomy.” You grumbled.

Matt scoffed then, the audio coming through your headphones clear enough for you to peek an eye through your fingers. “None of them think you’re dark and gloomy, they’ve seen you in videos before, dude. Accept the fact that you’re a softy.” He teased, your jaw practically hitting the floor.

The conversation went on like this for about twenty minutes, the four of you talking and bickering back and forth. The conversation ran off the tracks quite a few times, and Matt tried reeling it back in as best as possible.

“So, back to the topic at hand—”

“Nick, what did you say?” Chris asked, completely cutting Matt off.

“I was just saying that was bullshit.” Nick said.

“Guys, what are we even—”

“How is what I just said bullshit?” Chris asked, the both of them in their own little world.

Matt sighed and looked at you, shrugging his shoulders. You turned to face him fully, resting your arm on the back of the booth. “So anyway, what’s an average day in the life of Matt Sturniolo?” You asked. Matt frowned and adjusted himself to face you completely.

“What?” He asked, pulling the mic towards him.

“What’s an average day in your life?” You repeated, raising your eyebrows.

Matt’s frown relaxed as he thought, shrugged, and finally spoke. “I’d say; wake up, shower, eat, go to meetings, come home, go to bed, repeat.” He held his hands out to count on his fingers, your eyebrows raising as you listened, no emotion on your face.

“Wow, riveting.”

Matt scoffed and shook his head, opening his hands and gesturing them towards you. “Please, tell me about your extraordinary day to day schedule, I’d love to hear it.”

“Of course you would. I happen to have a day packed full of important tasks.” You said, lifting your chin sarcastically.

“Oh, really? Name one.” He said, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, I work.” You started, Matt nodding and pursing his lips.

“Oh, you work, do you? And what do you do after that?” He asked, your eyebrows lifting and your jaw going slack.

“Well, if you must know, after work I go home and eat and then shower and go to bed.” You said matter of factly, Matt staring at you completely unamused.

“That has got to be the most boring play-by-play I’ve ever heard.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, and yours was better, Matt?”

“I think so. What do you do for work?” He asked, the corner of his lips turned up in a half smile.

You sighed and shrugged your shoulders. “Retail. It’s not the most glorious job, but it gets the bills paid.”

“Yikes, customer service.” He winced, to which you shrugged your shoulders again.

“Like I said, not the most glorious job. I deal with a lot of dickheads, but the regulars are nice.” You said, grabbing your cup and taking a sip of it. You jutted your chin at him. “It’s your turn to ask a question, I don’t think they’re gonna stop any time soon.”

Matt hummed and thought for a moment. “Um, what’s your favorite color?”

“That’s really the best you could come up with, Matt?” You said, a laugh leaving your lips as he looked at you in mock offense.

“At least it’s not as mundane as ‘what do you do everyday’, Y/n. Cut me some slack, I’m trying here.” He retorted, your hands going up before you answered.

“It’s blue.”

“Lame.” He said, your eyebrows furrowing.

“Matt, that’s literally your favorite color, too.” You said, Matt scoffing.

“You don’t know me.” He mumbled, a laugh bubbling out of you as you adjusted in your seat, scooting the slightest bit towards him.

“I’ve known you my entire life, you dork. That argument is invalid.” You said.

Matt pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, really studying him for the first time in awhile. You reached forward and lightly pinched a lock in your fingers and twirled it. “Your hair is getting long.” You said. There was something in Matt’s eyes that you couldn’t quite place, but the apples of his cheeks were tinged pink.

“Yeah, I need to cut it soon.” He said, his voice quiet.

You nodded your head, letting go of the lock of hair and resting your hand back on the booth centimeters away from his. “If that’s what you want.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he lightly jabbed the tips of your fingers with his.

You paused, realizing how passive it had sounded. You immediately shook your head. “No, oh my God, nothing! It was just an observation.” You said, resting your hand on his.

“So you wouldn’t care if I shaved my head?” He asked, mischief glinting in his eyes. Somehow, your fingers ended up entwined, but both of your palms were resting on the back of the booth. It was comfortable, but new, and you didn’t know exactly how to navigate this. You shrugged your shoulders and pulled your headphones off of your head and rested them around your neck.

“I wouldn’t care, no. Just because I think your hair looks cute long, doesn’t mean I’m going to freak out if you change it.” You said honestly. Matt blinked, processing your words before he replied.

“You think my hair looks cute long?” He asked. You nodded your head, ignoring the burning in your face.

“That is what I just said, yes.” You said, trying to sound like it was no big deal

“Wow, admitting you think I’m cute on recording? That’s crazy.” You could tell he was teasing, and by the color of his cheeks, you could tell he didn’t mind.

You cocked an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side as your smile grew. “Are we just going to ignore the fact that you’ve been practically holding my hand for this entire conversation?”

“I haven’t?” He said, immediately pulling his hand from yours and resting it in his lap, his eyes darting downward. You smiled and shook your head, teasingly gesturing around the room.

“Matt, it’s literally on camera, from multiple angles.” You said, Matt’s eyes meeting yours. He studied your face and eventually smiled and rolled his eyes, the awkward tension he was radiating before slowly dissipating.

“Yeah, okay, whatever.” He mumbled, adjusting his headphones before meeting your eyes again. You opened your mouth to speak, but were quickly interrupted.

“Oh my God, this is honestly disgusting.”

You whipped your head around to Nick, your eyes wide as he met you with an incredulous stare.

“You guys have been flirting like, the entire time. I’m surprised I haven’t thrown up yet.” He finished, your face on fire as your eyes flickered to Chris’ amused smile.

“Honestly, Nick and I stopped arguing like, five minutes ago. We just wanted to see how long it would take the two of you to notice.” You looked back at Matt, who was awkwardly laughing into his hands and shaking his head. “Clearly, way too fucking long. Can we get back to the topic of our joint childhoods now?” Chris finished.

You cleared your throat and nodded, adjusting yourself in the booth so you were facing forward and your shoulder was to Matt.

“Where were we again?” You asked, Nick jumping into the conversation effortlessly.

The rest of the podcast went smoothly, the four of you in almost perfect harmony for the rest of the time, the little embarrassing interruption nearly forgotten.

It was nearly forgotten until Matt’s hand rested over yours under the table and entwined with yours. You felt your face heat up and the corners of your mouth twitch, but you didn’t say anything or make anything obvious.

Matt was your best friend, and as affectionate as the two of you were, hand holding was never on the list until now—and honestly, you didn’t mind.

[gardens-dogs-starwars]

Reasons Clone X is Tech:

-his accent is different from the rest-they are trying to conceal it by layering it with a regular clone voice and the helmet modulation but it's there

-he does a "Tech turn" when he lands his ship

-Cross' attempt to look back at one of the Clone X guys in episode 3 and his mournful look down after he says they come out of reconditioning "different." How would he know this unless he knew one of the clones getting reconditioned and watching them get their personality wiped away? How many clones does Cross know personally to notice such a change?

-while he's strangling Cross, Cross taps his shoulder like you would when you were sparring and want to "tap out." This is a similar gesture that Hunter did when Wrecker's chip activated in Season 1 and he was also being strangled. You would think he would hit him or fight harder instead of "tapping out" if he was fighting for his life. Makes you wonder if he doesn't want to hurt the other person...

-why would they go to such lengths to show us scenes we have seen Tech endure before? Such as getting his leg crushed and limping around through the pain, grunting after moving big rocks around, falling over a waterfall and listening to his little gasps/coughs for air...this would have to be some kind of elaborate misdirect if we weren't supposed to think it was Tech.

-there were definitely strains of the Plan 99 theme as Cross and Clone X went over the falls

-lots of other little things like his leg pouches, the definition of his (very shapely) calves, his helmet being a little different and looking a little "friendlier" around the eyes, his inability to follow orders, the way he can anticipate the Batch's moves

I think Cross acts sketchy about these Clone X types because he knows it's Tech and thinks it's permanent/unfixable so he doesn't want his brothers to be hurt over it. I trust him and his redemption arc, he has proven he has changed and is sorry for his previous choices. I could see how him keeping this from the Batch could cause friction between them down the road and I bet the writers would love to mine the angst from this situation.

It is also possible but less likely that he knows it's Tech and Tech is just in deep cover so he doesn't want to blow it? This theory might just be me hoping Tech is ok.

I have never been more convinced this Clone X is Tech. How much is left of him...not sure.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[variousqueerthings]

okay I watched good omens s2 yesterday with my partner, and I was genuinely very surprised -- I think if you've grown up through superwholock/merlin/the 100/teen wolf type shows where (with the exception periodically of doctor who) you kind of had to make up the good show that something could have been in your head, that colours a lot of your viewing, and to be honest I thought season 1 of good omens was a fine little piece, honoured the book while modernising it somewhat, it was a nice, fun, low stakes time, with a couple of things I might have wanted a tad different but nothing overall awful.

so I was seeing all this meta and gifsets and discussion, while I was waiting to give s2 a watch with my partner and thought "ah, people have made up the good show in their heads again" not that I assumed s2 was going to be a bad show, but that people were taking extra deep plunges into possibilities, the way fandom does, and that was fine. I knew there was a big ol kiss, I had a sense of some kind of argument at the end, and that it was setting up a s3

I also knew that mainstream reviews were calling it (politely) self-indulgent and dependent on whether or not you enjoy david tennant and michael sheen having a good time for just under 6 hours

all in all, expectations of a somewhat mainstream show without too much to think about, a nice, fun low stakes time, moving on...

(EDIT: AND THEN I WROTE A LOT OF WORDS SO YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT MY REACTION WAS QUITE DIFFERENT)

as it turns out it seems these things that were being written on tumblr were discussing the actual text of the show and not things you could extrapolate if you squinted and tilted your head a little to the left as I'm so used to doing, so in fact there is much to think about!

and my first thought was "this is like when you read early discworld books that ask a question like a joke, only to find that over time the answer to that question becomes very serious (and also can be funny at times of course)." how terry pratchett would pick and pick at tropes and notions and social ideas and go "oh now hold on, this seems strange..." starting way back when he thought it was odd that women warriors always seemed to be dressed in metal bikinis and then realising he hadn't done a good enough job of subverting the trope, simply by depicting it and calling it a bit silly

why do goblins always get treated as the villains? what's with this divine succession of kings business? where are the female dwarfs? who do we treat as disposable?

good omens season one went: "haha what if heaven and hell were intensely incapable, bureaucratic, corrupt, and uncaring of the work they did, and we took an angel and a demon and had them actually care? wouldn't that be... a bit silly?" (and it was)

good omens season two went: "what are the consequences for caring when the people who have power over you are incapable, bureaucratic, corrupt, and uncaring? what are the forces that supersede systems built on fear, ignorance, and violent conformity? can people change and break out of/challenge/break down these structures by caring?"

and this was set up with a neat little sleight of hand (to reference aziraphale's switch-and-bait in the episode with the nazi zombies), because the majority of season 2 does feel a bit indulgent: hey, remember those two wacky angel-and-demon characters? watch some more wacky things they did through the ages, watch them take a sojourn through 1827 Edinburgh and do a magic show during the Blitz, and... stop the death of Job's and Sitis' children (actually maybe that whole segment ought to have been what they call "A Clue")

see them try to figure out a kooky mystery, all the while setting up a cute little same-gender romance on their street. watch as everything points towards a happy ending that's all about the two of them realising what they've been to one another all these thousands and thousands (and thousands and thousands) of years- but hold on. lest we forget - and the show has made this point over and over - there are powerful people who control them, who hurt them, and who plan on hurting others, throughout the whole season, and as it turns out they know what they've been to one another for far far longer, and know how to pull their strings...

season 2 then, has to show us these things, not because they're indulgent (well, maybe occasionally, but the apology dance is still important), but because in order to make the ending a tragedy, we first need to understand, properly, the impact that they have had on each other. we need to understand that Aziraphale relied heavily on Crowley to be his moral compass and leaned on black-and-white thinking in order to deal with things, because if it's all grey then where does he fit and what has it all meant and heaven has to be the good guys, even as Job's and Sitis' children are ordered to be killed, it's all he ever had...

and Crowley was always an anchor, needed to trust that Aziraphale was different, needed to bend to every whim that Aziraphale has, because otherwise what's his worth in all this? After having been already deemed worthless by the heaven that Aziraphale needs to believe in?

and that, simplistically described, is the narrative that we're seeing in s2, and alongside that the ways that the changes they have upon each other are noticed, and monitored, and placed under suspicion, and finally... broken up, not by the clumsy, brute force that's been attempted over and over again, but by a promise to return into a violent, controlling system and to "make it better from within"

and all of this is wrapped up in two queer relationships + a third queered-within-the-text relationship that creates the inverse of how it ends for Aziraphale and Crowley (so far). queer love -- whatever shape that has -- is explicitly the shape of non-conformity within this narrative, including within the symbolism of angel-and-demon love of Gabriel and Beelzebub, which in the context of the systems created is considered queer (and one can argue till the cats come home about casting cis actors, about angel-and-demon notions of gender/romance/sexuality, but the "queerness" comes from building something non-conforming to the systems they exist in), and enforced by the explicitly our-world-definition-of queer romance that Nina and Maggie have going on (which, while less high stakes, still contains the background controlling relationship that Nina initially is in)

all of this to say, that I disagree that s2 meanders, or that plotlines happen for the sake of showcasing Aziraphale and Crowley without purpose, or that characters get sidelined (I'd say it sets up a whole host of interesting characters to further get into actually), or that it's strictly mainstream easy-access narrative that's just an excuse for the main creators and actors to get back together.

the love is the point, and this show takes its time to show the love (and the unequal boundary-setting, and the fact that one of them has an undiscussed tragic backstory, and the desperation to belong again, and the fear instilled by oppressive systems, and and and), so that we understand why those last 15 minutes happen the way that they do

it's sleight of hand, and like all good magic, you don't notice until it's happened

[remember-the-fanfics]

Ask 'I very much enjoy the whole Gen z Overlord thing, I have been wondering you can do a what would they do when they meet Lucifer in the hotel. It interesting when they see how different he is to what they've been told of him.'

By @darkwrath32

During Dad beat Dad

Trying to write the whole episode, let's see how long it works out..

Slightly rush at the end

-

(Y/n) sat on the couch while watching Charlie theorize, well they aren't actually sure what she's doing exactly anymore.

"Charmander, I think it's time rest." Said (Y/n). Vaggie had ask them to help Charlie with figuring out the redemption plan as (Y/n) is the only Overlord trying to help with it, they agreed not knowing Charlie wasn't going to go to bed anytime soon.

"You can go to bed, (Y/n). I got the handled." Said Charlie, looking at (Y/n).

"Yeah, no. Vaggie will be super upset at me if I just went to bed." They said, getting up heading to the kitchen. "Plus I personally think the best time to think is the middle of the night. I also enjoy helping you with whatever we're doing because I've lost track. You want coffee?"

"Yes please, I'll explain to you when you get back."

-

"Charlie? (Y/N)?" Said Vaggie seeing the two standing infront of Charlie's planning board with a bunch of paper and string attached and to the side a few empty coffee cups and energy drink cans are on a table and floor.

"I'm just not quite understanding why it's not working. Okay, okay, think Charlie. Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think. Okay if I do this, it's going to be-" Charlie said, panic in her voice. "I have trust falls every single morning-."

"With who? And why?" Said (Y/n) in a less panicked voice. "I can only see you doing it with Vaggie." Both of the demons look like a mess and that they obviously didn't sleep.

"Yikes." Said Angel Dust.

"Come on, come on, come on, come on." Said Charlie when (Y/n) noticed the crowed behind them, holding a ball of string with some of it in their mouth.

"Charlie? Sweetie? You uh, you good?" Asked Vaggie, Charlie looked back with sleep deprived look while holding a piece of paper. "(Y/n) this isn't what I ment by help her." Vaggie told the young overlord, who just shrugged.

"Nope! No, not really. Ha ha, I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working." Charlie said, crushing the paper in her hands.

"We've done trust falls and sharing our feeling which still ew." Said (Y/n), bitting the string in their mouth off the ball.

"And now we only have a month before the angel come-." Charlie said before laughing in her demonic form before turning back. "At this rate-."

"May it's time-"

"NO."

"-to ask-"

Charlie getting close to Vaggies face and holding her checks before saying "DON'T SAY IT."

"-your dad." Vaggie finished saying and Charlie just groaned. "Charlie, I know you don't want to but we need every advantage we can get."

"He let the extermination happen to begin with. They just had a meeting and said, "Go ahead and kill everyone"- Wait, that's it!" Charlie suddenly realized something.

"Kill everyone?" Questioned Vaggie.

"Say sike." Said (Y/n).

"No! He could get me a meeting with Heaven!" Said Charlie.

"Boo! It sucked last time! Adam is a dick!" Said (Y/n).

"He was being an asshole but he isn't in charge of all of Heaven. We could go to the top. There's sure to be some angels who will listen." Charlie said, getting out her phone but hesitant on calling.

"What's the holdup? You got daddy issues?" Asked Husk.

"Doesn't everyone?" Said (Y/n), earning looks. "Okay, well then must be a generation thing then."

"No, we just have never been close. After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls, sometimes, but only if he's bored or like needs me to do something." Charlie answered.

"Daddy issues." Said Husk and (Y/n), with one being more quiet about it.

"Well I'd like to meet the big dick in charge." Angel Dust said.

"The ultimate bad boy." Said Niffty before laughing and while holding a knife that Angel Dust quickly took away. "I bet he's scary."

"Wait, who is Charlie's dad?" Asked (Y/n) when Charlie decided to call.

"How the fuck do you not know? Her last name is Morningstar!" Said Angel Dust.

"Well I know she's a princess and Morningstar is a weapon." Said (Y/n).

"Toots, who would be the big dick in charge of Hell?"

"The devil?" Said (Y/n) before it clicked in their head. "Oh shit!"

Angle Dust and Husk laughed at their reaction.

"How have you not know yet?" Asked Husk. "You're an Overlord, you got to know politics in hell for that."

"I know I'm just busy making sure my area is taken care off and then helping here, I guess I never had time to draw the connection." Said (Y/n). "I didn't know the devil had a last name! Or a child!"

"He has a first name too."

"Oh shut up."

"Welp, we have an hour until he gets here." Said Charlie interrupting the conversation.

Vaggie then assigned everyone to do something and everyone scattered.

-

(Y/n) stood next to Angel Dust while he was doing his makeup while sitting on the table. Angel Dust finished and got scared by Niffty who was just staring at him, (Y/n) laughed.

"Come on, my dear. As the other one sponsoring the hotel, we both have to be front and center when he shows up." Said Alastor before guiding (Y/n) to stand beside the door next to him.

"Okay everyone, it's showtime." Charlie said before opening the door to a shorter blond hair demon with fancy attire.

"Charlie!!"

"Hey, Da-." Charlie didn't get to finish before getting hugged really tight by her Dad.

"He's so short." (Y/n) whispered to Alastor, earning a soft chuckle from the demon.

"Oh its so good to see you. Haha!"

"It's uh, good to see you too, Dad." Said Charlie before he finally put her down. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!"

KeeKee showed up along with Razzle and Dazzle to greet him and Lucifer, as (Y/n) finally remembered, greeted them and slight threat to Razzle and Dazzle to keep protecting Charlie.

"Wow! This place sure looks, uh...uh huh yah uh huh...It's got a lot of character!" Said Lucifer looking around the hotel before catching sight of the bar. "OH, what in the unholy hell is that?!"

"Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color, don't you think?" Said Alastor, leaving (Y/n) and appearing next to Angel Dust.

"And who are you?" Lucifer asked, Alastor with a flare of the dramatic reappeared behind Lucifer.

"Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite a pleasure." Shaking Lucifer cane before wiping his hand off on his jacket. "It's nice to finally put a face to the name. Like my colleague said you are much shorter in real life." Panicked (Y/n) quickly got next to Alastor.

"Excuse him, I did not say those exact words." (Y/n) said, nudging Alastor. "But I'm (Y/n), pleasure to meet you."

"Who is this? Who is this man and child? Are you the bellhops?"

"Aha! No! I am the co-host of the hotel. You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast." Said Alastor.

"Not a kid, I'm co-manager slash other host slash sort of guest, usually when the others are busy. You probably haven't heard of me." Said (Y/n), copying Alastors introduction, shaking Lucifer's hand.

"Atleast this one has manners." Said Lucifer. "And nope havent heard of you! I guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-been Hotel, ahaha." (Y/n) quickly moved back away from the two.

"Ha ha ha. It was actually my idea."

"Ahaha. Well, it's not very clever."

"Ha ha! Fuck you." Alastor said before Charlie got in-between the two.

"Okay! Okay, anyway. Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings! Without Alastor or (Y/n), we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much."

"Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfil her bizarre requests." Said Alastor, putting his hand on Charlie's shoulder.

"Well they aren't bizarred request. Charlie thinks outside the box and it's nice to see her dreams become real." Said (Y/n) from the table, not getting closer to whatever beef Alastor decided he had against the other.

"Oh thank you guys." Said Charlie

"Ahem, Charlie! Dear, eheh, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?" Said Lucifer, getting between the two and pointed at the group around the table.

"Oh yes, of course." Said Charlie getting next to Vaggie. "This is Vaggie, my girlfriend."

"Oh my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common! You put her there Maggie. Hey!" Lucifer said Hugging Vaggie, tightly. "Oh yeah, she's so pretty."

"Lovely to meet you, uh sir." Said Vaggie, taking a deep breath after being let go.

"This is our guests Sir Pentious, Angel Dust, and (Y/n) when they want to." Said Charlie.

"Your Majesty!" Said Sir Pentious trying to defend his cookies from Angel Dust and (Y/n).

"Heya short king~" Said Angel Dust, (Y/n) making a face at how Angel Dust said that.

"Hello from the otherside, again." They said, waving.

"(Y/n) helps with managing with Vaggie and helps when Alastor is busy." Said Charlie. "They just like helping, But anyway Husk is our bartender, and Niffty is our housekeeper."

"Nice to meet you." Said Husk before Niffty runs over and climbs up Lucifer's coat.

"Hello. I clean." She said before the chandelier fell making everyone cough.

"Alright then." Said Lucifer, pointing his cane at the chandelier magically making it disappear.

- "No one is gonna call you dad with that creepy ass smile" the song-

After Mimzy appeared, taking Alastor attention for alittle bit.

"So... you look nothing like how your depicted on earth." Said (Y/n), looking at Lucifer. "They used way to much red."

"..You're a sinner? When did you arrive in Hell?" Asked Lucifer.

"A few years ago. Around 2019 ish? It kinda blurry. I'm technically an Overlord." Answered (Y/n).

"(Y/n) is the youngest in the amount of years in Hell and age." Said Charlie. "They got here when they were 18 so that why they look like a kid." Said Charlie before Mimzy noticed that Lucifer was here, pushing Sir Pentious out of her way.

"Pleased to meet ya! Your Highness." She said before nudging Alastor. "Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Said Lucifer, sounding like he didn't care.

"As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie, (Y/n) and I have a tour to continue." Said Alastor, Lucifer hearing this dragged Charlie.

"I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around." Said Lucifer. "Along with (Y/n)."

"Why am I getting dragged into this?" They questioned with no response.

"Nonsense!" Said Alastor, grabbing Charlie and moved foward. "We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together. Right, Charlie?"

"I was here before you!" Said (Y/n)

"Oh, right." Charlie said and Alastor let her go so she could show her father around with Vaggie and (Y/n) following behind.

This is going to be an interesting tour.

-

"So, once we have the proof that redemption is possible, this whole hotel will be full of demons wanting to check out into heaven! We just need a little time to prove it. The sharing circles haven't been working as fast as I hoped." Charlie told her father, leading the group. (Y/n) walking close to Alastor noticed when Alastor stop and looked back to see Husk.

"Hey, boss. Can I have a word? Uh alone,(Y/n)." Asked Husk.

"Hurry along (Y/n), I wouldn't be long." Said Alastor and (Y/n) got a nervous feeling about what the conversation going to be.

"Okay, see ya Husk." They said before walking to where Charlie and the others went, not seeing Alastor turn his head an 180 degree to face Husk.

"What is it?"

-

(Y/n) caught up with Vaggie, who was walking behind Lucifer and Charlie.

"What happened?" Asked Vaggie, who noticed (Y/n) and Alastor had stopped earlier.

"Nothing hopefully, Husk just wanted to talk to Alastor." They explained. "How's it going?" Noticing the nervous look on Lucifer's face. Vaggie didn't answer before they got on a balcony and Charlie had her help explain the hotel mission.

"And we've almost been able to find all of Angel Dust's drug stashes… almost." Said Vaggie.

"I remember when I found one the first time, still had no idea what it was." Said (Y/n), remembering how they showed Vaggie it and she quickly took it away and scold Angel Dust for it.

"So, once that's out of the way, it should be much smoother sailing!" Said Charlie, (Y/n) zone out know with how Lucifer acting Charlie would be disappointed in his response. They leaned on the railing, looking at the view of Hell.

"-Heaven, is not exactly as carefree as you might think. Yeah, they have rules, lots of rules, and they aren't very open minded as you'd hope. Look at (Y/n)!Why would heaven put a kid here? Unless they're a mass murder." Said Lucifer, getting (Y/n)'s attention.

"I'm not."

"These are our people, Dad, I… I have to try!" Said Charlie.

"Our 'people' Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything's terrible!" Said Lucifer.

"Hey! I didn't even get to even use my so call freewill and Charlie is trying to help!" Said (Y/n).

"Well I don't want her to herself on the line for people like-." Said Lucifer before a loud thud, shaking the hotel.

"For fucks sake."

"Geez! What now?!" Said Vaggie before everyone looked out to see Loan sharks at the front door with a battering ram.

"Well, like that." Said Lucifer.

"Mimzy! We know you're in there you lousy bitch!" One of the sharks yell

"Oh go fuck yourself!" Yelled (Y/n) before being pulled into a portal by Charlie.

"Que Carajo?!" Yelled Vaggie.

"What's going on?!" Said Charlie.

"I maaaaaay be in trouble with some loan sharks. I may or may not have borrowed 50 grand from—." Said Mimzy before hiding from a loud sound "And I may have also stolen a car… and crashed it… into the loan shark's girlfriend, but that bitch had it coming!"

Then all hell broke lose by the windows breaking with a barrage of fireballs, scaring everyone.

"My windows!" Yelled Niffty, upset with the broken windows.

"Ah, we're under siege! Ah! Take cover!" Said Sir Pentious, finally letting go of his cookies while dodging a fireball. Everyone panicking scrambled for cover.

"I'm going to fucking kill these assholes!" Said (Y/n), getting pulled by Charlie again away from a fireball.

"You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about Charlie. You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you." Said Lucifer unbothered with the chaos, getting on (Y/n)'s last nerve.

"You- just shut up! I'll handle this-." They said before Alastor appeared infront of them.

"No my dear, leave it to me. It's time to remind everyone why I am here."

"I'm also here for a reason, Alastor." Said (Y/n), glaring at the other overlord.

"Very well, shall we dear child?"

"We shall."

"A reminder to all, not to mess with the radio demon!"

"Oh, finally! Took you long enough!" Said Mimzy, earning a look from (Y/n).

(Y/n) let Alastor eat everyone in his demon form while they fought off and weakened the rest for him to finish.

"Does it even taste good?"

"Do you want to try some?"

"No thanks old man."

(Y/n) left Alastor to deal with Mimzy, seeing Charlie and Lucifer comforting each other before singing from the door way.

-"I'm happy they are solving their issues but why does it always have to be by song?"-

"Aww, that's so sssweet." Said Sir Pentious.

"It was." Said (Y/n), patting him on the back.

"Ok, I can get you the meeting but once you're in Heaven, I won't be able to go with you. Will you be ok?" Said Lucifer.

"I'll be fine." Said Charlie.

"That's my girl, good luck kiddo." He said before vanishing in red mist. (Y/n) got closer to Charlie.

"So you're gonna actually do this? Fucking mint, I guess." They said, not completely on board about Heaven of all places.

"The next part is going to be scary, you ready?" Said Vaggie.

"I'm ready, cuz you're gonna be with me." Said Charlie, hugging Vaggie.

"In spirit, right?" Said Vaggie.

"In Heaven!"

"Yay..." said Vaggie before (Y/n) started laughing at her reaction, earning a glare from Vaggie and a look from Charlie.

"You're coming too, (Y/n)!" Said Charlie, making (Y/n) stop laughing.

"Why?!" They said.

"Because you were the first one to help after Vaggie! You're a main part of the hotel!" Said Charlie, pulling (Y/n) in the hug.

"I'm killing myself." Said (Y/n) with a blank look on their face.

"(Y/n)!"

"I'm kidding... mostly."

"Shit.."

-

"Why would they want to meet (Y/n) aswell?"

[mj0702]

The other Bronze – Part 15

The rest of camp went by like a blur. Sarina continued to include you more and more in the daily tasks of training and organisation of the national team and slowly you found joy in your new role (the added bonus of being allowed to yell at Lucy to run faster or to yell at Leah to bring her knees up higher just played right into it). The dutch Head coach saw with growing pride how you transitioned into your position as her new addition of staff. Getting you to sign the contract was one of a task. You didn't give in easy having the legal department rewrite your contract multiple times adding clauses to protect your relationships – if it was the family relationship with Lucy (and let's be honest Keira) or your romantically relationship with Georgia. You also pushed the limit of salary until the very last penny – not that you were able to access the money since it will go straight in an account which was under observation by your guardian Jill Scott. You yourself had a deal with Jill that if you needed some extra pocket money she would take it out of your account but only if you could give a good reason.

Just like now when you were about to book a whole as bag pipers band to pipe “Scotland the Brave” at exactly midnight outside Sarinas room to welcome her new age – aka her birthday. You knew that your adoptive Mom hated bag pipes with passion since it was too squeaky and too loud in her opinion but since you were technically Scottish you couldn't care less. Also you didn't give a flying fudge (Keira banned any swearword since Less, Toons and you went a little overboard one evening at dinner watching a mens game on the tablet) that you would wake up probably the whole hotel – you loved your Mama Rina too much to care. Of course Jill was straight on board with your shenanigans being a big kid herself. So you spent around two hours looking for the perfect pipers and comparing different prices. You settled on three pipers, an additional drummer and three songs. “Scotland the Brave”, “Auld lang syne” and “When the Saints go Marching in” - all very squeaky and loud. You were sure Mama Rina would love you for your great Birthday present – she'll probably strangle you to death but it was worth it.

You were so happy with your purchase that you entered the dining room whistleing and smiling.

“What got you all smiley Bubs?” your sister asked you smiling too seeing you in a good mood

“Just a good day” you answered smiling even wider

“Why do I feel trouble?” Keira now asked appearing next to you

“Maybe that extra Banana at breakfast?” you looked at her innocently

“No.. no it has nothing to do with the banana” the blonde mused giving you a once over

“You're just being paranoid” you waved her off skipping over to your girlfriend and best friends

“I just know you too well” Keira yelled after you and you (again) waved her off with a “yeah yeah”

“She's up to something” the blonde said turning around to Lucy who was about to stuff a bread roll in her mouth stopping mid air

“Let her be Kei... she's slowly getting back to normal after her episode in Barcelona... you and I both know she's still pretending a lot and me freaking out with G didn't help” Lucy said as she watched you shoving Tooney around laughing loudly when the brown haired girl ran into Leah.

“Oh it certainly didn't... and we WILL have a talk about it when we're back in Spain” the blonde answered sending your sister an angry glare “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn't... I just saw her crying and my brain short circuit...” your sister said slowly

“On one side I understand Luce... I do... because seeing her cry is the worst thing in the world – but you can't do that... you can't lose control like this” Keira said softly

“I know” Lucy huffed finally taking a bite of her bread roll

“I DARE YOU LESS!!” Keira and Lucys eyes snapped immediately over to you when you laughed loudly

“No... NO... you can dare all you want but NO” Lessi answered shaking her head frantically her eyes wide

“You know what that means right??” you smirked evilly at her

“I'm NOT declaring you as me football-wife on Social Media” the blonde huffed

“Then suck it up and eat them” you pointed at the offending vegetables on the plate in the middle of the table

“No” Less whined desperately “Keira please... help” she turned to her teammate begging

“Eat your veggies Less....” Keira rolled her eyes seeing that you three just causing chaos again

“But” the light blonde whined

“Less... I want to eat my lunch in peace” now Leah interrupted her glaring “.... if you won't let me eat in peace I'll shove them Brussels sprouts down your throat by myself”

“Wow.... okay” Lessi looks at her capitan shocked and taken aback “No need to get violent – not me fault you miss your girlfriend”

“Don't” Leah warned her teammate pointing at her threatening

“Let's go over there... she can simmer in her bad mood alone” you said grumbling pulling Lessi along “Bet Millie and Rach are very happy to see us”

“Okay Lee... what's up?” Georgia asked watching you plopp down next to Rachel and on top of Millie

“I do miss my girl... but I'm nervous G... we're playing Spain in three Days and I'm nervous” the blonde spilled her thoughts to her best friend

“It's just a friendly Lee... no need to stress about it okay...” your girlfriend said softly “... we use some of the new plays we trained and you'll Skipper the shit out of that game”

“Thanks G... really” Leah said sighing a little more relaxed “Now please go and get your girl under control” she pointed over to you where you were concentrating on snipping peas at Sarina and some staff members under the low cheering of Millie and Rachel

“Oh shit” Georgia said quickly as she followed Leahs gaze scrambling off towards you

“Okay everyone listen up!!” Sarina said loudly when all the Lionesses were seated “As you know we arranged a friendly against Spain in a couple of days – we'll go over the Line-up later today but I want to inform you beforehand that there will be some significant changes due to our new tactics. I plan on giving everyone some minutes – if not this game than the next one which is four days later. Also I want to announce y/n Bronze as new addition to our Team. She'll be part of our analytics staff and she already showed her value since she pointed out some good moves for us to get past Spains defence”

“And Ona” you threw in chewing on your Steak you got for lunch

“And Ona Batlle yes” Sarina rolled her eyes but everyone saw it was just for show “Don't interrupt me and don't speak with your mouth full... I know you got raised better than this”

“Yes ma'am” you said your voice muffled by the potato you decided to push into your mouth before answering smiling at your adoptive Mom widely

“Walsh.... get your kid under control” the Dutch said and everyone laughed at Keiras offended face

“Excuse me.... the last time I checked she listened to the name Bronze” Keira exclaimed picking up the banter with her head coach

“While that is true I can't really say “Lucy get your kid under control”...” Sarina answered pointing at Lucy who was about to shovel some pasta into her mouth – just like you did with your potato

“It wouldn't be much use” the dutch said flatly and everyone started to laugh as both Bronzes looked up sporting the same caught look with both of your forks mid air

“I get your point” Keira huffed her face deadpan “You two really can't help yourselves can't you”

“What?” both you and Lucy asked confused

“Nothing... you keep on shovelling” Keira said rolling her eyes once more

You and Lucy looked at each other before shrugging your shoulders and continuing eating

“As I said... we have some new tactics which might look strange on paper and will be confusing at first but I like how y/n gets a read on things and thinks outside of the box” the dutch said seriously “You all noticed how I included her more this Camp because I think she's now at a point very we can profit from her exceptional eye and solutions – yes the upcoming games are just friendlies but that won't stop us from playing our best”

“Sorry to interrupt again but.... the food gets cold” you said raising your hand while already talking

“If you wouldn't interrupt me all the time I would be done already” Sarina threw you a warning glance

“Sorry” you mumbled “But... can you maybe... talk faster Mama Rina”

“If you have questions my door is always open” the dutch said her patience running low “You can also ask the new member of staff but I doubt you get a satisfying answer out of her”

Everyone laughed again as you hummed agreeing pushing your vegetables on your girlfriends appetizer plate much to Keiras dismay

“What is THAT??” your girlfriend looked up from her plate pulling a face while you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing

“Shouldn't you know babe? You ARE half-Jamaican after all” you smirked as the table bursted out laughing

“So funny” Georgia said flatly “How did you pull that off?”

“Just asked the Chef very nicely to make something from home since you miss the Reggae feeling so much” you smirked very happy with yourself

“I will get you back for that” your girlfriend growled “but back to me initial question... WHAT is THAT??”

“How should I know... that's your traditional food” you shrugged your shoulders grinning

“I regret the day you found that video” Georgia grumbled as she stabbed her fork into the brownish-yellowish dish

“You love me too much to actually be mad” you smirked watching how your girlfriend struggles to actually bring the fork to her mouth “And be grateful – they made me feed Toons dog food”

“Dog food??” Georgia asked shocked

“It was chicken paste” Toons rolled her eyes

“I'm 100% positive it was dog food” you countered “they just told you it was chicken so you wouldn't throw up and sue them.... now come on babe... taste it and tell me if it tastes like home” you grinned

“I really REALLY want to kick you right now” your girlfriend grumbles but finally got over herself quickly stuffing the food loaded fork into her mouth

“It's.... actually not bad... It's really good actually” G shrugged her shoulders “It's a curry... I like curries”

“See.... I did something nice for you there....” you grinned

“But what curry.. definitely not chicken” your girlfriend mumbled as she poked the meat on the plate

“Wait... Jesse...” you yelled over to the buffet where some chefs were standing handing out food

“Yes?” one of the shorter ones looked over to you

“What meat is that??” you shouted back lifting your girlfriends plate up

“Goat” came the answer immediately and you could see how Georgias eyes grow wide in shock and you swear you saw her heave for a second there

“Thanks” you said and he lifted his hand in reply

“Was... was he serious?” your girlfriend asked as the colour slowly left her face

“Naah... it's beef” you said having mercy on her

“You are so SO cruel” Georgia mumbled as she picked up another fork shovelling it into her mouth

“It's not beef is it?” Millie leaning over to you whispering in your ear

You just shook your head smirking and chuckle under your breath while Millie laughed.

“What's so funny?” your girlfriend asked suspicious

“Millie asked if I think Carmona finally declares her love for Lucy by asking her out on a date” you lied quickly while Millie looked at you confused but nodded when you kicked her ankle under the table

“Yep,... I mean... it's obvious” the blonde kept nodding

“Oh Ew... guys I'm eating” your girlfriend said her voice laced with disgust

“Yeah well... I would have to live with her...” you shuddered “... Lucy!!!” you turned around in your seat facing your sister

“What??!” your sister looked up alarmed

“You are NOT allowed to reciprocate Carmonas feelings!!!!” you looked at her seriously

“What?!” Lucy looked confused

“I want to keep Ona” you whined

“What the hell are you talking about??” your sister was so lost

You just shook your head in disbelieve turning back around. Your sister looked at you like you completely lost your plot turning to Keira

“What is she talking about?” Lucy asked

“Don't ask me... you speak Bronze better than me...” the blonde shrugged continuing to eat her salad

“What does she want now with Carmona?” your sister looked at Keira lost

“How should I know? I've been here as long as you...” Keira now said a little annoyed “... just chalk it up to her being her and eat”

“Hey what are you talking about?” Lucy said as she pulled your chair around so that you were facing her

Unlucky to her you were just digging into your pasta (your second dish for the day) and with the sudden movement the pasta didn't only spill over Millie but also Lucys face – and the back of Keiras neck who stopped her fork mid-air and by the way her shoulders moved you know there was a storm coming your way. Lucy herself just stood there blankly spaghetti with pesto sauce and antipasti running down her face.

“Ehrm... Lucy you have a little...” you said lowly gesturing towards her face desperately trying to hold in your laughter as a piece of eggplant sliding down your sisters cheek

The whole room was quiet so you could hear a piece of dust dropping like it'd would be a jackhammer. Everyone looked at you, Lucy, Millie and Keira shock on their faces. No one dared to move while you could see Rachel, Ella, Less and Niamh trying to hold in their laughter. Rach shook with silent laughter pulling out her phone recording a small clip for her Instagram of the sliding eggplant – fans would see it later with the caption “perfect SLIDE tackle by Egg Plant Tough Bronze”. Needless to say the fans had a field day with this clip and half the soccer world commented on it. Best comment came from María León herself tagging Ingrid complaining why Lucy was allowed to play with food when she herself wasn't even allowed to build a rice volcano. Ingrid chose to ignore that comment instead asking Lucy if this was her secret to be such an outstanding player.

“Bitsy” you heard Keira growl dangerously low

“It wasn't my fault... Lucy pulled me over” you quickly said as you jumped out of your chair walking backwards away from the blonde who still hadn't moved one inch

“Stay” the blonde said strictly still not moving

You thought quickly about bolting but as usual Keira knew you better

“You can't outrun me... don't even try” she said as she finally put down her fork

“I mean... I can try” you said desperately

“No... you can't... the only way you'd make it out of here is if you'd jump through a window – because I will be faster at the door than you” Keira said as she SLOWLY turned around

“It wasn't me” you said taking another step back hitting something with the back of your knees and suddenly found you in the lap of the one and only Lauren James.

You looked at her she looked at you both of you getting big wide eyes before you jumped up again knocking against Beth chair who lost balance and fell backwards. Only person stopping her hitting the ground was Lotte who reacted quickly grabbing Beth shirt who ripped a bit but held enough so Beth wouldn't end up with a concussion.

“Bitsy.... just stay still for god sakes” Keira said in a warning tone “You'll knock out the whole squad before we even get the chance to play the world cup”

“Sorry” you apologized quickly getting rooted in place “but at least I don't knock you all up”

That did it for Rach, Tooney and Less who bursted out laughing while your girlfriend squeaked quietly blushing again.

“Why do I have pasta on the back of my neck?” Keira asked looking at you expectantly

“Lucy pulled me around as I had me fork full of spaghetti” you explained quickly your Manchester accent coming through – like ever so often when you get nervous.

“Millie?” the blonde gave her teammate a side eye

“Truth... wasn't her fault this time” Brickwall Bright confirmed and now Keira turned towards Lucy narrowing her eyes

“Lucia... with me” the blonde said lowly and your sister shook her head scared “NOW”

“You tell Ona I loved her right?” Lucy looked at you pleadingly knowing she most like won't survive Keiras wrath

“I'll make sure she's taken care of” you nodded “I'll visit her as often as I can”

“Good...” your sister started before there was an angry “LUCY!!” from outside the room

All of you heard the door fell shut and muffled argument from outside it. You actually winced a few times feeling sorry for Lucy – she didn't mean for this to happen either. But Keira had straight rules for eating times. No whining. No argument over food. Only plating as much as you can eat. And NO throwing food – never ever. So her ending up with some courgette in the back of her neck was bad. Bad for Lucy. And in hindsight bad for you because now you have to find something new to eat now. You looked around the room – who at this point got back to light chatter and eating. You spotted Leahs plate who was still fairly full and decided after checking the ingredients that it was worth stealing. So you slandered over patting her right shoulder. The second she turned around looking you quickly snatched the plate with your left hand hiding it behind your back

“Yes y/n?” the blonde capitan looked at you expectantly

“You think Keira will kill Lucy?” you asked as a disguise pouting slightly

“No... you know them... Keira will yell at her – Lucy will look very apologetic and say she's sorry a hundred times and it will be okay again” Leah said softly still not catching up that you stole her plate

“You sure” you asked again just for good measure

“Yes Poppy... I'm sure” Leah smiled soothingly

“Okay... thanks Lee” you said smiling a little turning around walking away quickly

“Poppy!!” you heard Leah call out angry when she realized what you've done

“Love you Capitana” you yell back sitting down at your table between Millie and Toons starting to shovel down Leahs food

“I would've shared with you too, you know babe” your girlfriend said as she watched you not even chewing the food just swallowing it down.

“I know babe... but I didn't want to steal from you” you said with your mouth full which earned you a hard slap on the back from Keira

“Where do you come from?” you asked shocked half the food falling back on the plate as she slapped your head

“From ripping your sister a new one... don't talk with your mouth full or you'll be the next in line” the blonde looked at you angry

“Sorry mom” you apologized after you swallowed the remaining food

“And don't shovel it down your throat like you're starving” Keira scolded you

“But I am...” you started to get shut down by a glare from the blonde which made you shrink in your chair

“Damn... Walsh has it out for the Bronzes” Tooney mumbled under her breath but not quiet enough for Keira not to hear

“I can expand my list, Toone” Keira barked out

“Kei...” you looked at her scared

You saw Keira take a deep breath before looking at you

“Sorry Bitsy” the blonde features soften “Your sister just pushed a button”

“Can we talk please” you said lowly your eyes never leaving hers

“Come” was the only thing Keira said already walking away

Outside the door she waited for you as you closed the door quietly behind you

“What's wrong Kei? I mean you're kinda mean when you're on your period but that was... two weeks ago” you said keeping your distance from her

“I honestly don't know Bitsy... and getting smacked by antipasti in the back of my neck certainly didn't help” the blonde huffing

“You miss your girl?” you ask fishing for pointers on Keiras bad mood

“Too, yes... but all around it tires me out... I don't know why” Keira sighed deeply “and Spain in three days?? Even more tiring”

“You need a break huh?” you asked understanding “is a lot lately”

“Yeah... but I won't get a break until end of season” the blonde started to massage her temples

“I could kick your ankle” you offered

“No thanks Bitsy” Keira laughed “But thank you for the kind offer”

“No problem” you smiled “But seriously – I can take you out of the starting XI... give you a little break at least”

“In all seriousness... that would be very appreciated” the blonde sighed out happily “Wait... how do you know who is starting XI?”

“Who do you think put the XI together? Mama Rina left it all up to me – it's just a friendly and I have few ideas I want to try out” you shrugged your shoulder

“You are exceptional Bitsy....” Keira smiled at you and pushed some lose hair out of your face “... never lose your light”

“Jesus Kei... I'm not dying” you rolled your eyes

“No... but you're young and the position you just took on brings a lot of pressure with it...” the blonde said and you heard her serious tone “... don't lose your light”

“I'll do my best” you offered a smile “I don't even know how long I'm gonna stay... at the moment it's still fun... so yeah – let's see”

“Good” Keira nodded happily “You want to go back?”

“Not really no... Lunch was a mess... and left me hungry” you pouted

“I tell Sarina.... you want me to send G after you?” the blonde winked

“You would do that? What about Luce?” you looked at her with big pleading eyes

“Just play along...” Keira smirked and before you could respond what she meant the blonde started yelling at you “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO COMMENT ON A TOPIC THAT IS ABSOLUTLEY NOT YOUR BUISNESS”

“I JUST ASKED” you yelled back not knowing what Keiras plan is

“GET OUT!” the blonde yelled but smiled at you “That should be enough to get your sister of your case – she knows better than to question me... now go and send G your location...”

You pressed a sweet kiss to Keiras cheek before running off. Keira watched you rounding the first corner before she took a deep breath put on her game face and shoved the door to the dining room open aggressively. She was met with the sight of scared face from her teammates and smirked internally.

“What?” Keira barked and all newbies quickly ducked their heads not wanting to upset the veteran any further

“Jesus Kei” Georgia looked at her best friend confused “Leave the kiddos alone”

“Sorry... YOUR girlfriend just pissed me off” the blonde growled but winked at G subtly

“I go talk to her” your girlfriend huffed out already pushing herself out of her chair immediately catching on what Keira tried to tell her

“Wait... I'll come too” Lucy quickly said trying to stand up as Keira pushed her back down

“You sit” the blonde said lowly

“Yes ma'am” Lucy mumbled sitting down again

“Okay Ladies” Sarina said loudly getting everyones attention “Time to talk game tactic”

You were sitting between Georgia (who subtly intertwined your pinkies) and Tooney who yapped about some dog she saw at the park earlier.

“I worked closely with our new addition..” the dutch started before you interrupted her – again

“My parents gave me a name you know... and it's not “new addition”...” you huffed annoyed until you saw Sarina smirk

“Not?” the dutch smirked knowing from Keira of your little game so you could get away at Lunch – without informing the head coach

“I mean I got called a lot of names over the years... but “new addition” wasn't one of them” you smirked back engaging in the banter with your “boss”

“I spoke with y/n” Sarina rolled her eyes for good measure “... we – agreed...”

“Agreed? I told you what would help us win and you said “do it”....” you interrupted again knowing no one else would get away with it

“We AGREED to try a few new things when we play against Spain” the dutch ignored you expectantly “We will start with a.... wait why am I talking about this... Liefje why don't you come up here and take over?”

“What?!” you looked at her shocked shaking your head lightly

“Come on” Sarina waved you to the stage smiling “It's your tactic – you worked hard on it so you get to explain it”

You let out a big breath as Georgia squeezed your hand offering silent support before you pushed yourself up and walking up the stage standing next to your Mama

“Okay Ladies and Lucy” you said loudly waiting for your sisters signature “Hey!!!” before you continued smiling “I spent a LOT of time analysing games... plays... players... last Euros was good.. all of you played amazing BUT as Sarina said before – it was close... if you strip it down to just the play Spain WAS the better team... you got lucky with Alex goal in overtime.... REALLY lucky... Toons that leader was world class but Spain bounced back because ALL of you felt too secure for a second... I know this is just a friendly but we'll play it like it's the final again – we're back on home soil, we play Spain again but we'll... throw them off a little... so I still have some painkillers left from me wrist injury – we split them up and then I'll let you run lose... that will throw at least the Barca department off...” you grinned as Lucy groaned

“It was a mistake okay... I AM sorry” your sister said while Keira chuckled beside her

“You have to do more than say you're sorry Bronze...” you smirked “... I want that world cup”

“I'll do my best okay” Lucy smiled at your display of competitiveness

“Okay... so back to the game... we're playing at Old Trafford this time... who's idea that was? Mine – I just love that place and it hold a lot of history... So tomorrow we're moving up to Manchester whoever has problems with it... suck it up or leave” you simply said and Sarina snorted next to you “For tactics... we're going back to the roots of football... like... waaay back – we're gonna play a “Scottish furrow”... anyone any idea what that is... the dinosaur in the room maybe...??” you look straight at your sister smirking cheeky

“Oh get lost...” Lucy threw at you smiling back at you feeling happy about how much you obviously enjoy your new role

“Anyone... Scottish furrow??” you asked into the room looking from player to player

The younger ones shook their head embarrassed as the veterans wrecked their brain have heard of it before but couldn't place it. You looked at Sarina for help.

“It's a 2-3-5 formation... it's dubbed a little outdated but as y/n said – it's back to the roots” Sarina explained before nodding towards you telling you to take over again

“Spain is overall Goliath... they have a VERY strong defence, a quick working midfield and ruthless forwards... we're David in this scenario so we have to play more tactical – we'll have fast forwards a intelligent midfield AND a Brickwall of defence so our Keeper hopefully will have a relaxed game... Mary pack a book because if your Team does its job like I tell them to do it you won't have a single shot on target” you said seriously but joked as well – you started to really enjoy the situation of talking about tactics

“A 2-3-5?” Leah asked confused “How will that work with our playing style?”

“Easy... we let them run into the brickwall – not Millie but the whole defence – take the ball off them and use the momentum in our favour and just.... run” you answer looking at Leah serious “Spain will think they dictate the game... the pace... the tactic... the ball... but you guys will let them run into the wall every time... Spain is thankfully a opponent that gets frustrated easily... the second they start getting frustrated and sloppy is the second we switch back to a 3-3-4 and kill em... if my calculations are correct and the bring the line up I expect them to bring we should get out of this friendly at least 5 – 0”

“5 – nothing??” Lucy exclaimed shocked

“Yes... and we don't even have to bring the A+ team... we need A+ defence... midfield and forwards can be newbies... so whoever wants their first cap against Spain... come find me after the meeting... I set up a preliminary line up but I already have a change in midfield since Keira is out for the game” you said honestly your eyes not leaving your sisters

“Kei... you okay?” Leah immediately turned around to her best friend concerned

“Just tired Lee...” the blonde smiled back weakly “Talked to Sarina Jr. over there and she offered to take me out of the line up which I seriously appreciate”

You swell with pride when Keira referred to you as “Sarina Jr” knowing how much respect the team has for the dutch head coach.

“You need to remember Leah... she's one of the old ones now...” you smirked as Keira threw you a playful glare

“We don't comment on players ages” Sarina told you off flicking your ear lightly “We call it experience”

“Sorry... my bad... she's experienced Leah.... she want's to give the chance to the younger players to get.... experience too” you smirked

“I can make her run laps in your name K” Leah offered helpfully

“I can make her run laps in my own name too Lee” Keira laughed and you swallowed hard knowing just how well Keira could make you run laps

“My knee...” you said carefully

“Don't even try Bitsy... your sister is the one with the bad knee” the blonde smirked

“Hello.... three ACL's” you exclaimed outraged which caused everyone in the room to burst out laughing

“Oh don't even start... your knees where fine when you ran away from Alexia a few days ago” Keira rolled her eyes still smiling

“She didn't leave me a choice” you defended yourself

“She left you the choice of not running off” Lucy threw in

“Yeah like you would've stayed when Alexia Putellas threatens you” you snorted

“Even Mapí doesn't dare to run away from Capi” your sister said “So why did YOU think you could outrun her? You don't even know your way around Nuo”

“Well... I didn't really think... I acted on instinct” you said like it was obvious

“Well your instinct ended your ass in the gym with La Reina” Lucy smirked and turned to Leah “When Ale delivered her back all she did is sleep... for TWELVE hours”

“I need that workout... can you ask her? The possibility of shutting your sister up for twelve hours straight is just a dream come true” Leah laughed at your offended face

“Oh look... Leah doesn't want to play against Spain” you grinned looking at Sarina who just shook her head smiling

“You wouldn't dare to bench me Poppy...” the blonde capitan smirked back happy that the team got back to it's bantering self

“Oh but I would.. because according to my contract I'm allowed to make decisions about the team, the tactics AND the players – all in agreement with the head coach herself of course” you smirked and pulled out your contract “So yes... I can bench you... because I think I saw you having some discomfort in your knee sitting down... right?”

“You little shit” Leah laughed knowing you weren't serious

“Learned from the best” you smirked looking at your sister who smiled proudly “Back to business... 2-3-5... Chloe and Meado up top... I like the way you two work … Hillary... congratulations to your first Cap... you'll get flanked by Franny and J-Park... defenders... Millie and Leah MidDef – Luce on the right, Alex on the left... Lotte you're my false 6... “ you said looking at every single player waiting for their okay before moving on to the next one

“A false 6?” Keira asked confused

“Yeah... I want Lotte to be the connection between midfield and defence” you explained “throw the spaniards a little off... you'll run a lot Lotte is that okay?”

“Sure... I'm fit” the defender smiled

“Okay... if you get tired ask for a sub... J-Cart can come in for Alex and Alex moves up... that is if we're not back to the 3-3-4 at this point anyway – it's still just a friendly... no need to kill yourselves out there” you said and Sarina smiled proudly.

You did an exceptional job. You really took your job very seriously and still you made sure to explain your decision to make it understandable why you were starting players over others and you still had the lightness of a teenager

“Depending on if Spain takes out bait we make two subs at half … Stanway for Clinton – believe me Hillary... 45 Minutes is more than overwhelming for a first cap and Toons for Franny” you kept going with your game tactic feeling comfortable and honestly free talking about something which gave you the feeling of being part of the team

“Sounds good...” Sarina smiled approvingly “... what are your other subs?”

“Around 70th/75th minute... James for Chloe... Less for Meado... I would leave one slot open IF something happens...” you turned towards the head coach

“So you leave the defence like it is... who's in Goal?” the dutch tested your plan

“I actually just changed my mind... Mary... you have the day off... Hampton... if you're up to it?” you looked at the young Goalkeeper

“Yes... yes I'm up for it” the young woman smiles and nods her head frantically

“See... that's the enthusiasm I want” you grinned “None of you asshats were as happy as she is right now”

“Because she doesn't know you as well as we do” Lucy threw in

“Esme... you start against Spain... congratulations... Luce... I think a saw an old camping chair standing around at home... you have enough time to go home and get that chair since you won't put a foot on the pitch” you smiled sweetly and this time Keira bursted out laughing at your sisters face

“You can't...” Lucy exclaimed but you interrupted her

“Oh but I can..” you sing-songed waving your contract

“Sarina” your sister whined

“I gave her the lead for this... her call” the dutch shrugged smiling widely

“Oh come ooooon” Lucy whined again which caused the older players in the room to chuckle

“What... thinking about it I do you a favor... now you can drool over your girlfriend the whole 90 Minutes...” you smirk

“Sometimes I really wish we wouldn't have turned around when Dad forgot you in Tesco” your sister mumbled

You stepped through the tunnel onto the pitch at Old Trafford. You loved that Stadium – even if it's the home of United and you yourself grew up as a City-girl. This place held so many amazing Stories and Memories. You turned once around yourself looking at the still empty seats that in a few hours will contain nearly 75.000 fans – it was just a friendly but the tickets were gone in just under two hours. One of your dreams back then when you were still playing was to play a derby against United right here – Old Trafford. 74.310 seats and all of them will be manned/womend tonight. You remembered the last Derby you attended with Lucy. You had a small smile playing on your lips remembering the crowd, the cheers and chants, the game itself – it was like it happened yesterday.

“Hey” you heard softly behind you and it made you jump for a second

You whipped around and came face to face with your sister

“You okay?” Lucy asked softly

“Yeah... just got a little emotional here... remembered the last time we were here you know... before you left for Spain” you answered quietly

“Was a physical match... Tobin and Christen for United...” Lucy smiled and looked ahead towards the seats

“... Chloe got a stupid yellow... that wasn't a yellow... oh.. and G played left forward... wasn't it the first Derby for the Tower of Power too?” you chuckled

“Sammy Mewis? Yeah... I remember her coming out of the tunnel and nearly fell into it backwards because she didn't expect the fans to scream like they did... she tried to hide behind Rose for a hot minute there” your sister laughed lightly

“I love Rose but damn... she was shiny with the spotlights... told Gareth to put her in – she would have blinded Mearpsi with her reflective skin and bam... goal... but no” you rolled your eyes but smiled

“You always have these backhanded compliments... where do you get them from?” your sister laughed

“Lots and lots of training” you grinned “When are the spaniards arriving?”

“Already in Manchester... for a few hours now... you want to go and say hi to them?” Lucy smiled softly taking your hand

“You think Alexia would appreciate us crashing their Lunch?” you smirked

“Absolutely not... we're gonna wait in the Lobby until they're done and then quickly say hi” your sister laughed

“Yeah... why not? Where they're staying??” you shrugged your shoulders knowing Lucy tried to get you out of your sentimental state

“Hilton Garden Inn” Lucy said after checking her phone

“Ona?” you smirked

“Sí” your sister smiled back

“Wait... isn't that at the old cricket grounds?” you wrecked your brain

“Yes... it's nice apparently” Lucy shrugged not letting go of your hand

“Are we allowed to leave?” you suddenly asked looking around

“Sarina was the one calling me after seeing you out here... she said as long as were on time for the game we're good to go” your sister smiled softly

“Off to the spaniards then” you started running off pulling Lucy after your

“Remember Bubs... we don't cause troub... BUBS!!” Lucy yelled after you as you sprinted off towards the dining area

“I fucking knew it” your sister grumbled as she speed walked after you hearing you already flinging the heavy doors open

“Buenos Aires Motherfuckers!!!” you screamed as you pushed threw the big heavy double-door “I'm back!!”

There were different reactions to your entrance. Some of the spanish players screamed in horror, some nearly chocked on their food and some jumped up and took cover behind the tables

“A la mierda y/n!!!” Alexia exclaimed after she looked shocked over the edge of the table she cowered behind

“I said Buenos Aires... I made meself known” you smirked at the sight of the spanish national team in distress

“You storm inside her, interrupt our Lunch and scare us to DEATH for what exactly? And it's too late for Bon dia Cariño” Alexia now stood up glaring at you

“Lucy said we can go say hi so we did... and I didn't mean bon dias... I meant the other one... the Buenos Aires... your Olga said it” you shrugged your shoulders grinning

“Ay dios mio... my headache is suddenly back...” the blonde spaniard mumbled but in secret she was glad to see you “And it's Buenos tardes.... not Buenos Aires”

“Then that... Buenos tartlets motherfuckers” you said again grinning widely

“Nena!!!!” you suddenly hear from your left and found yourself laying on the ground a second later with someone on top of you

“María!!” you heard a voice from above you and the weight got pulled off you

“What just happened?” you asked confused as Ona helped you up

“Mapí wreckingballed you... she does that sometimes when she gets excited” your sisters girlfriend dusted you off a little bit before offering you a smile “You good?”

“Sí” you mumbled still a little bit confused

“Look at you speaking spanish” the short defender smiled warmly opening her arms inviting you in for a hug

“Putellas was adamant about it” you mumbled against Ona after you accepted her hug

“Okay Mapí...” you heard Alexia behind you “I told you what would happen if you misbehave again...”

“What she doing” you sack against Ona relaxing for a second

“Oh Mapí was a little over the top the whole camp... and since not even extra laps got her to calm down Alexia approaches the problem differently now” Ona answered smiling at how much you were leaning against her “What's up with you Bebita? You look exhausted”

“You guys are exhausting” you mumbled suddenly feeling extremly tired

“Us? We didn't do anything” the short blonde chuckled

“She means your games” you reconized your sisters voice behind you

“Disculpe?” Ona chuckled

“Again with the dislocation...” you mumbled as you get transferred into Lucys arms

“I'm NOT going to wear... Alexia... por favor” you heard Mapí beg “por favor la reina”

“Jenni... ayudame por favor” Alexia said holding Mapí police hold

“León... quédate quieto y acepta tu destino” you heard Jenni growl and immediately sink more into Lucy

“She's not angry with you... what's up with you anyway?” Lucy soothed you after she realize you shrink away from Jennis voice

“Tired” you mumbled

“She can sleep for a bit in my room” Ona offered

“Bubs... you wanna sleep with Ona?” your sister asked half quietly as suddenly four heads snapped in her directions and you were wide awake again

“Scuse me?” you chocked out

“NOT like that you...” your sister huffed out annoyed

“I mean I know you're not shy when it comes to our sex...” Ona started before you interrupted her

“LALALALALALALA!!!” you yelled loudly wrenching your fingers into your ears to blend out the rest of Onas sentence and screw your eyes shut walking away from your sister – and straight into Jenni Hermoso.

You stumbled back a little bit as you opened one eye seeing the tall dark haired spaniard smirking at you raising her eyebrow

“You were more smooth when you were high” Jenni smirked

“HUH??” you asked loudly your fingers still in your ear

Jenni rolled her eyes smiling grabbing your right hand pulling it away from your finger

“High you is smoother” she grinned

“Sober me has better taste” you shot back

“Sober you doesn't like me no?” Jenni teased you

“I can't answer that....” you swallowed hard

“So sober you DOES like me” the black haired said smirking

“Jenni stop teasing the Cariño” Alexia interrupted swatting her friends shoulder “She has a girlfriend”

“Interesting” Jenni smirked wriggling her eyebrows at you

“Indeed...” you coughed out before you laid eyes on Mapí and bursted out laughing “WHAT are you wearing??”

There she was – Mapí León in all her spanish glory... strapped in a Dino-Harness.

“This is all your fault” Mapí huffed

“Moi??” you asked confused

“Yes... YOU have one and that's why I have one now” María looked at you with betrayal in her eyes

“Then it's Lucys fault” you pointed at your sister “she's the one getting Bronzo in the first place!”

“Because you kept running off!!” Lucy defended herself “You still do”

“Why are you here?” Alexia asked your sister “You know it's not really common to visit the opponent before the game”

“She got a little emotional and I thought bringing her here would help – and it did... you guys don't even realize how much you help her” your sister said her voice low so you won't catch on while you were busy wrestling with Mapí around on the floor getting cheered on by Pina

“Ale... Puedes por favor controlarlos?” Aitana asked after you repeatedly kicked her chair trying to find leverage over Mapí both of you laughing

“Jenni... por favor” the blonde spaniard looked at her teammate who just sighed and walked towards you and Maps

“How was she the last two weeks?” Ona asked as she watched Jenni trying to split you two apart

“Rollercoaster.... she had a lot of fun with Less and Toons... and then she fell again and Keira had to drag her out of bed – it helped a lot that Sarina got her to agree to work for the Lionesses” your sister said keeping her voice low so just Ona and Alexia could hear her “And I may have played a part in her moody days” she confessed embarrassed

“What did you do?” Ona asked raising her eyebrow at Lucy

“I may – or may not – have threatened her girlfriend...” your sister scratched the back of her neck

“You WHAT??” Ona whisper yelled “I swear to god Lucia”

“We sorted it out... I just – I need to make sure she's protected okay” Lucy said “She's my baby sister”

“I get it... you know... Alba... the first partner she brought home – I made them run for the hills... threatened the shit out of them.. and had Jenni just stare at them from the other side of the room – for the whole night” Alexia chuckled

“But Albas first partner wasn't your exes best friend and technically your good mate too” Lucy mumbled

“No.. but I get why you're so... y/b Bronze... Ay dios – put that down!!!” Alexia started before she saw you holding a potato like you were a pitcher sizing up the distance between yourself and Olga Carmona.

Jenni was quick to react after she sat Mapí next to Irene who just fixed the younger spaniard with one glare

“No little one... we don't throw potatoes” the black haired spaniard said as she towered over you

“It's a boiled one?” you asked innocently

“No...” Jenni said smiling sweetly “... no throwing potatoes... boiled or not”

“You suck” you huffed annoyed

“And you wish” the dark haired one shot back smirking and you swallowed hard again – the second time in just under an hour

“Bubs... come on... we have to go” you heard Lucy from the other side of the room

You looked up from where you were hunched over the table with Mapí building some Lego figures

“Just five more minutes” you whined “We're nearly done”

“No Bubs.. now... we have to get ready – they have to get ready... come on... I told you we'll leave after an hour” your sister said firmly

“But” you started to whine again what caused some of they players to chuckle

“No... “ Lucy interrupted you “Get your Bag and come on”

“I...” you started confused “... don't have a bag with me?”

“Oh... right... sorry... I just had a flashback from all the times I had to pick you up from kindergarten” your sister said a little embarrassed

“I bet you were a cute pequeño” Alexia laughed pinching your cheeks

“She was a menace from Day 1... her birth was chaos... from the moment she entered this world it was chaos... no wait... she was chaos before that...” Lucy said as she watched you trying to fight Alexias hands off

“Am not” you grunted as the blonde spaniard continued to pinch your cheeks

“You were, are and always will be... which doesn't matter now because we need to leave” your sister answered

“Then tell her to stoooop” you whined

“Capi.... we need to leave” your sister grinned

“See you after the game Cariño” Alexia smirked and pressed a kiss to your forehead

“Can Mapí come too?” you looked at Alexia and Lucy hopefully

“Not now... you will see her later at the game and AFTER the game you can run around with her a little bit okay” Lucy tried to coax you away from Maps who clutched onto your hand

“Why not now?” you whined again

“Because Mapí needs to get ready for her game too... and we need to get ready at our hotel” your sister knew she had to stay calm otherwise you would just throw a big ass tantrum

“This sucks” you huffed but stood up

“Thank you Bubs... I promise you can play Lego later with Mapí” Lucy smiled as she put her arm over your shoulder leading you away from the spanish team

74.310. 74.310 fans – sold out Old Trafford. You were standing next to Sarina in the locker room and heard every single one of them. You knew Sarina gave you the freedom to do whatever you thought was right at this game and you knew the Team waited for the pre-game talk but all you could do was relishing that moment. Your eyes were closed, a small smile on your lips and you listened to the chants from above you. You took a deep breath before straightening up again.

“okay... I know this is just a friendly but I want all of you to treat it like it's the world cup final. Out there are 74.310 fans who are here for YOU... you had a good camp and we have a good play and we have the best team. Let all of them fans see that – let them enjoy that evening and make it an unforgettable experience for them. Let's paella the shit out of them tapas shovelling shrimp eater” you said loudly smirking at the end of your little speech

You send your team outside high-fiving every single one (except for Mearps because her high-fives hurt) before you took your place next to Sarina at the end of the Starting XI. You saw Alexia who was wearing the captains armband and winked at her when she turned around. She rolled her eyes for good measure before turning back and you saw the shift in her posture – she was in game mode. Who you couldn't spot in the line up was Mapí. You were confused for a second since you were 79% sure she would start as well. Sarina nudged your shoulder a lightly and brought your focus back to your own team.

“Sorry” you mumbled and hung your head

“It's okay Liefje... I know it can get overwhelming but I need your focus here right now – if it gets too bad let Keira or Lucy know okay... or Georgia” the blonde said softly as the line up started to move

“Nothing to be sorry about, Liefje... you are doing amazing – you are 16 and still a Ki...” Sarina said softly as you suddenly found yourself getting pushed forward onto the ground

“Hola mi nena” you heard from above you and all you could do was grunt

“Hi Maps... why??” you whined

“I just misseded you so much” the blonde spaniard said from above you

“Excuse me, León... could you please get off my analyst?” Sarina said a little confused

“Wait... I'll get it sorted...” you grunted from underneath Mapí “Lucy!! HELP!!”

Seconds later Lucy came sprinting back from the pitch tackling the spaniard off you both of them rolling in one big ball of limbs over the ground

“I told you not to do that León...” your sister growled after she pinned Mapí to the ground “Who's on the bench today?”

“Leila... Aitana... Athenea... Alba...” Mapí listed off

“So... the A-Team” you laughed which caused Sarina to smirk while Mapí didn't get it and just looked at you confused

“Because all of them start with an A” you tried to explain your “joke”

“That was a shit joke you muppet” Lucy rolled her eyes and pushed herself off Mapí

“At least I make jokes...” you snapped back as Sarina helped you back to your feet

“I get Aita to watch you León..” your sister pointed at the small spaniard who looked like a kicked puppy

“Por favor no... they'll put that stupid thing around me again” the blonde whined

“You have a T-Rex!!!! I have a bronto!!! Yours is so much cooler” you exclaimed

“Which reminds me... come here Bubs...” Lucy grinned

“You can't be serious!!!” you took a small step back

“Come here Bubs” your sister cooed “Bronzo time”

“Old Trafford is SOLD OUT!! And you want to strap me down??!!” you tried to hide behind Sarina “74.310 tickets SOLD!!!”

“Look... I don't need you running on the field trying to have a go at the ref – I also don't want to hold your hand the whole time because you probably would just pull you with me” Lucy said still smirking “So yes – I am gonna tie you to the bench and know you won't cause trouble... Keira is with me on that one”

“You all suck” you grumbled but let Lucy pull the straps expectantly over your arms locking them on the back

“I honestly didn't think you would give up that easily” your sister smiled once she attached the leash

“I want that Mapí has to wear hers too” you stayed rooted in your place crossing your arms over your chest

“I'll sort it out okay... but now you hop off to Kei...” Lucy ruffled through your hair handing the leash off to Sarina

“Come on Liefje” the dutch said lovingly tugging slightly on the offending string

On your way out Irene Paredes passed you with long powerful strides and you saw a harness clutched in her hand which made you grin. A minute later you heard Mapí exclaiming loudly in spanish and you even heard a few spanish swear words. It made you chuckle and got you into a better mood knowing you wasn't the only one the fans will make fun off.

“Hey Bitsy” Keira greeted you softly as you plumped down next to her

“I hate Lucy... I'm gonna put her in as a forward... or in goal” you mumbled

Keira bursted out laughing pulling you into her side pressing a kiss to your forehead – unknowns to you a lot of camera lenses were pointed towards you and that exactly that picture will go viral.

“Lucy in goal? I would pay to see that” Keira smiled knowing exactly why you were so grumpy.

“How much would you pay?” you suddenly perked up

“I would make sure you'll have some quality time with a certain blonde?” Keira smirked amused

“Deal” you quickly said pulling Keiras hand out of her pocket grabbing it quickly shaking it

“It's okay Bitsy... I would have done it anyway – you reacted so grown up with everything thrown at you this camp you deserve a little treat...” the blonde said softly

“I did, didn't I?” you smiled looking onto the pitch where Alexia and Leah stepped up to shake hands

“If I look over your pranks on LJ, Georgia, Leah, Beth and I'm pretty sure Alex wasn't a ginger this morning” Keira smirked

“They weren't pranks... that's love language...” you said embarrassed

“You call it love hiding LJ's clothes while she's in the shower so she has to wait in St. Georges Park until someone got some spare from the Hotel? Put itching power in her bed? Stealing all her left socks? Ordering pizza for the whole staff on her credit card? Not even to start with the laxative in her breakfast on the third day” the blonde raised her eyebrow at you

“Don't know what you're talking about, Kei...” you look at her innocently

“Course you don't Bitsy...” the blonde laughed “... but you should pay attention now – games is about to start”

You looked back over to the pitch seeing Spain won the coin toss and decided to play from left to right – which mean England had the kick off. You're eyes found the way to the spanish bench seeing Mapí being tied up to a post next to Irene as Lucy made her way over grinning widely as she took a seat behind you. Sarina sat on the outside of the row not seeing the point in interrupting right now since nothing had happened so far.

“You good Bubs?” Lucy asked from behind you

“Never been better” you grinned and Keira saw the glint in your eye

The game kicked off and you saw how Spain got thrown off a little bit already by your chosen formation and you smirked to yourself. Your plan worked perfectly – even if Hermoso and Paralluelo made it through the midfield they always ran into your defence brickwall. At one point Hannah even turned around to wave at fans and stood next to the goal for pictures. She was teasing the spanish players. Olga Carmona was lost since she couldn't mark Lucy – who sat behind you on the bench and Esme was not known enough to Carmona to place her playing style. Poor Olga wasn't having the best day.

It was in the 14th minute where Fran Kirby delivered a beautiful pass to Chloe who saw Beth running with her into an open space and directed the ball a forward where Beth just had to chip it into the back of the net. You jumped up just like everyone else screaming just as loud as the Lioness fans. Beth came running over to the bench signalling you to come up to the line and the second you did she pulled you into a hug – both of you staying on your side of the pitch

“This is yours pumpkin... this is your goal” Meado whispered into you hair and pressed a loving kiss to your forehead before she sprinted off again going back into her position.

You looked up to the orange sky as the sun set trying to control the tears who threatened to spill out of your eyes. Sarina stepped up next you laying her arm around your shoulders just offering silent support knowing how much this meant to you. Suddenly you felt Keiras hand on your other shoulder, Lucys hands on your waist and Georgias hand sneaking into yours. Weeks later it would be that exact same picture that would be seen as Lucys lock screen at a Barca video.

Spain kicked off again and you smirked seeing how they started to lose their temper already. Alexia tried to keep her players level headed but especially the younger ones like Salma tried the “head through the wall”-technique all the time. Again and again she'll run into the wall even if there where three players running with her one of them in a perfect position to at least get a shot at goal. But you expected something like that but to your surprise it happened faster than you thought. In minute 35 Millie rocket the ball way into the spanish half for Clinton to pick it up getting it to J-Park who put it into the box for Fran who just volleyed past Cata. Sarina pulled you immediately into a big hug and even Fran pointed over to you which got noticed by Alexia who realized that it was your doing that her team was struggling.

It made her so angry and proud at the same time. She saw how her team was slowly falling apart and she couldn't do NOTHING about it because of you. You placed your players perfectly and the formation you chose was just impossible to break – even if they got past your midfield your defence stood like... yes like a brickwall. Alexia saw her team getting frustrated. She needed to do something but she couldn't think of a solution. When Fran Kirby scored the second goal for england and pointed over to you it just made her blood boil. She loved you. She would give her life for you. But right now she wanted to strangle you – publicly. VERY publicly. Jenni came over to her best friend

“What are we gonna do, Capi?” the dark haired asked

“I... I don't know... this is y/n going” the blonde seethed back “I don't know what to do – I don't know how she's thinking”

“Trust your stomach Capi... but it doesn't help the team if you freak out” Jenni said softly squeezing Alexias biceps

“Let us get through the first half... and try scoring... isn't that what you get paid for?” Alexia smiled at her best friend

“Feed me good balls and I'll score” the dark haired one smirked before turning around jogging back into her position

“Oh so it's my fault” Alexia yelled after Jenni smiling

Just three minutes Leah passed the ball to Lotto who took off like a lightning surprising the spanish players once again. She passed Alexia like Speedy Gonzales which caused the spanish capitan to needed a second to realize what happened before sprinting after Lotte yelling spanish commands to her defence. Lotte saw Chloe wide open at the far post, Cata off her line so Lotte did what everyone would do – she pulled her leg back and bolted through the ball. Cata did exactly what Lotte wanted – she came even further off her line. Lotte kicked the a perfect curve ball to Chloe who headed into the back of the net. 3 – 0. The Lionesses were destroying the spanish National team. When you saw Lottes curve ball you already were out your seat – with Keira holding on to your leash tightly – screaming loudly. Chloe came running over to you as well and you did your special city-handshake. You saw Alexia hanging her head low and you felt sorry for her. You could see that the blonde felt guilty for letting Lotte past so easily.

In the 43rd minute even Ona lost her plot committing a foul against Jess Parker which should have been a yellow card – at least in your opinion. You jumped out of your seat starting to yell at the ref from the side-line

“Oy ref.... that's a yellow!!!!” you yelled angrily

“Calm down Bitsy” Keira said softly trying to pull you back on your leash but you were so in your zone you didn't even notice her

“Oy... OY ref you blind moron!!!” you yelled again and this time you got the refs attention as she looked over to you as you grabbed Sarinas glasses of her nose “You need some glasses so you can actually SEE a foul when it's happening??”

Lucy tried to do damage control by putting her hand over your mouth pulling you backwards while you heard Mapí scream from the spanish bench.

“You tell her nena!!! That's my nena!!!” the small spaniard cheered you on not even caring that the foul was committed by her team resulting in a free kick for the Lionesses.

But it was already to late as the ref already was walking over to you. You sized her up standing a little taller on your toes as she already pulled a yellow card from her chest pocket holding it up over your head.

“This is an official warning” she said to you as you continued to glare at her not able to talk back as Lucy still had her hand over your mouth

“Sorry ref... it's her first game and she's a little emotional” Sarina tried to calm the situation signalling your sister to get you back to the bench who immediately understood and janked you backwards so you lost your balance and she had an easier job getting you away.

Meado and Leah stepped up to the free kick both looking over at you for instruction on who should take the free kick. You held up five fingers and signed for top left. You made sure that all the players knew your signs beforehand so Leah nodded barely noticeable winking at you. She quickly talked to Beth who quickly looked over to you smirking. As the whistle blew Meado started to run up to the ball but running over it while Leah came a step behind her kicking the ball in the top left corner making it 4 – 0 for England. This time you just smirked nodding satisfied. Leah came over to you smirking as well as she stood opposite to you and both of you taking a bow at the same time. Every goal the Lionesses scored today they'll dedicate to you – it was Sarinas wish and the team immediately agreed. This was your doing. This was YOUR game.

The first half ended with a defeated spanish team and a happy english team. The players tickling into the locker room in the best mood chatting happily until you climbed up on a bench whistleing loudly

“Okay guys that was more than perfect – Lotte... great game so far really... you're a perfect false 6... Hillary... you were outstanding for your first game... really great job... great passes, quick thinking, great overview.... really REALLY good job out there... the rest of you was amazing too... honestly you all play phenomenal... we still do the halftime changes and we go a little easy on Spain and go back to 3-3-4” you said before you stepped down again letting Leah take over leaving the locker room.

Outside Sarina waited for you smiling

“You always have to cause trouble, don't you Liefje?” the dutch smiled “A yellow – I can't believe it”

“Not my fault that ref is blind as a mole” you grumbled but a smile tugged on your lips “I'm gonna get that yellow after the game and gift it to Ona... it's hers anyway”

Sarina laughed loudly pulling you back towards the pitch as you looked at her

“Mama Rina... I have another sub if you're okay with it” you smiled

“You can do whatever you want today Liefje” Sarina smiled back

“Perfect” you smiled happily as you felt a hand smacking your ass making you jump and turn to your right seeing your girlfriend jogging past laughing “I'll get you for that Stanway!” you yelled after her

“All empty promises” Georgia laughed as she jogged out of the tunnel

The second half began as the first one ended with England dominating the game being fired up from the comfortable lead and the nervousness from Spain. Spain subbed some players too at halftime one of them being Mapí León who stopped at your height when she entered the pitch

“Nena... I love you... but now I have to do my job okay... I can't let you score again” the spaniard said a little sadly

“Oh don't worry... I know colorbook spaniard... we'll still score at least one more” you grinned at her which made her grin back at you before jogging on

At the 72nd minute you made two more subs just like you cleared with Sarina. LJ came on for Chloe who started to get tired anyway and Less replaced Meado who just came back from an injury. Georgia did a good job in midfield together with Toons and soon Cata got basically bombarded with shots on her goal while the english defence got a breather. Against all odds it was actually Georgia who scored the 5 – 0 after Less pelted the ball against the crossbar and the ball landed at Gs feet who just took her chance and just... scored. Your girlfriend couldn't believe it herself as Less and Toons jumped on top of her screaming loudly. As soon as Georgia got rid of the two stooges she ran over to the side-line stopping right in front of you

“I can't do what I want to do right now but I promise I do it when we win the world cup for you” your girlfriend said softly and you smiled at her

“I'll hold you to it Stanway” you smiled back as she mocked a salute before running off

It was the 84th minute when you made your final sub. You did send Lucy to warm up who just smirked

“You just can't get around letting me sitting on the bench can't you” your sister teased and you smirked back

“Something like that” you answered

You went up to the fourth official to tell her that you had one last sub. She took out her notebook writing down the numbers who get subbed and looked at you confused

“Are you sure? No. 2 comes on for No.13?” the fourth official looked at you

“Yes I'm sure” you smirked widely

“13 is your Goalkeeper” the woman specified

“Yes I know...” you shrugged your shoulders smiling before getting back to your bench “Luce... get ready – coming on the next chance”

“Sure... any orders?” your sister said as she tied her laces again

“Just... keep a clean sheet okay” you smirked

“What?” Lucy asked confused but you ushered her out to the side-line.

The board went up and it showed the green no.2 – which caused a lot of cheering by the fans – and a the red no. 13. THAT on the other hand caused a LOT of confusion. Hannah looked over at you for clearance and you nodded grinning while Keira was howling in laughter

“Are you serious?” Sarina looked at you shocked

“Yes... I am dead serious... Lucy wanted to play... she gets to play” you grinned as you watched Hannah jogging over already pulling her gloves of her hands pushing them against Lucys chest who turned around to you shocked

“What the hell..” your sister started

“Get going Bronze... and keep that clean sheet... Hannah did amazing out there and there's only a few minutes left... trust the process and trust your defence” you said as you gave your sister a push so she would step on the pitch.

The game ended with a glorious win for England. The team celebrated on the pitch and with the fans. But not you. You stood at the side-line and kept your eyes fixed on your girlfriend and the raven haired spaniard who stood very VERY close to her – too close for your liking.

“What's wrong Bitsy?” Keira appeared next to you wrapped in her warm fluffy team jacket her warm breath coming out puffy in the cold english air.

“Nothing” you mumbled distracted growling lowly when the spaniard laid her hand on the lower arm of your girlfriend

Keira followed your eyes until she found the scene of your obvious bad mood. When the blonde realized what was happening she bursted out laughing

“Don't laugh... who is that?” you grumbled annoyed still rooted in your place

“That's Nuria... Nuria Rábano... left back... plays for Wolfsburg in Germany and obviously Spain” Keira chuckled watching as the dark haired woman laughed at something G said her head thrown back

“She's touching what's mine” you growled seeing how the spaniard grabbed your girlfriends arm tighter

“They played each other just before camp... and she's spanish” the blonde answered still very amused about the whole situation

“People could get a wrong picture of it” your mood didn't really improve with all the information Keira provided

“You know what they say... Are they dating or are they spanish?” Keira found great entertainment in poking at your ego a little bit

“I don't like it” you grumbled

“Green isn't really your colour Bitsy” Keira smirked at the your displayed jealousy as you started to walk into your girlfriends direction rather aggressive

“Green is the perfect colour for me... makes my eyes pop” you yelled back growling already halfway there.

Keira just laughed at your antics turning walking around over to Beth and Leah starting her fan round

“This is amazing... putting five past Coll just feels amazing” Ella screamed so you could hear her over the noise of the fans

“Told you it'll work... just trust me” you yelled back laughing “I don't know what her obsession is with Luce but damn... thank you Carmona”

“She looks pissed” Less laughed next to you as you got sandwiched between her and Ella

“I mean... not my fault” you grinned as you three went across the pitch shaking hands with the spanish players.

You stopped shortly at Aitana for both of you to awkwardly shake hands and then quickly walking away again

“What was that??” Lessi laughed in your face

“We... yeah” you shrugged lost

“I mean that's full on Tooney behaviour” the blonde laughed

“Oi” Ella exclaimed loudly “I wasn't THAT bad”

“True... you were worse” you bursted out laughing “If it wasn't for Luce you'd never have gotten that picture... isn't it your lock screen?”

“Shut up the both of ya” Tooney grumbled

“Hola Cariño” you suddenly hear behind you

You turned around smirking turning Less and Tooney (who totally didn't squeal as she reconized Alexia) with you.

“Hola pretty spaniard” you grinned and Alexia laughed out loud

“Good game” the blonde spaniard smirked at you “Good tactics”

“I'll let the staff know” you smirked enjoying that little banter between the two of you

“Whoever came up with that deserves a raise – no one noticed a weak link in our play before.. or threw us off of our game like this ever before” Alexia grinned knowing fully well it was you

“I'll tell the head coach... yeah... we have a new member of staff... she's good...” you wriggled your eyebrows

“I noticed... but is she good enough to come up with more solutions since she just spilled her little... plan” spains capitana smirked right back at you

“She'll have some surprise ready for you the next time we face each other” you smirked “Alexia... Lessi Russo... Ella Toone” you now introduced your best friends “Me best mates”

“Alessia” Lessi corrected you pronouncing the “A” extra loud

You rolled your eyes for good measure and shoved her away

“You do know I know them right? Last year? Final” Alexia laughed

“No... you know the football players Alessia Russo and Ella Toone” you basically screamed the Alessia “But this two are my best friends...” you smiled

“Less.. Toons.. Alexia “Don't touch that” Putellas... two times Ballon d'Or...” you started before getting big eyes as you frantically looked for Mapí

“... Winner, Cariño... I won that trophy twice...” Alexia laughed as you stopped mid-sentence

“Yeah... sure... winner... twice” you said as realized that she had no idea that there was in fact just ONE whole Ballon d'Or... and one broken one

“You sure are something Cariño” the blonde spaniard smiled as she hugged you

“Ew... go away... you're all sweaty” you faked disgust trying to push her off “AND you wear the wrong jersey...”

“I'm very sorry” Alexia said “apologetic” and hugged you even tighter “You want my jersey?”

“Nope” you snorted “But Lessi over here is a BIG fan”

“You want to swap?” the spaniard smiled at your friend who – in true Less fashion nodded frantically and tried to get her jersey over her head just to get stuck in it

You knew the second you saw her tugging on it the second time that there definitely will be a clip of it – and it definitely will go viral.

With the help of Toons and you you managed to get her out of her jersey which she embarrassed offered to a smirking Alexia

“Come on Stooches” you heard Lucy yell from the place she stood with Ona (and Mario for cover) “Time for huddle”

“But I didn't see Mapí” you whined back

“And it will stay that way” Alexia quickly said firmly

“We're on english soil... you can't tell me what to do in me home” you whined

“Lucia?!” Alexia didn't even bother to give in to your whine “you're hermanita wants to spend time with María”

“Absolutely not” Keira yelled from your other side where she was talking to Irene and Patri

“Tweedledumb” you yelled happily skipping over to the trio leaving Lessi and Toons awkwardly standing next to Alexia

“I was tweedledee” Patri said confused

“No... I'm pretty sure you were tweedledumb” you mused

“Bitsy... don't you have someone else to annoy” Keira pressed a soft kiss to your temple

“I would... but pretty spaniard won't let me go to colorbook spaniard” you whined

“Wrong.. I... won't leave you go to Mapí...” Keira laughed

“But whyyyyy” you whined again

“Really?” the blonde raised her eyebrow at you

“Ugh...” you huffed before you suddenly perked up

“What have you seen now?” Keira immediately felt the change in your body language

“Not what... who” you smirked “Hola sexy spaniard”

“Hola little One... you behaving?” Jenni grinned at you as she came over

“Never... good game Hermosa”

All the players around you stopped talking looking at you confused as Jenni began smirking.

“What?” you asked looking around

“Did... did you just call me beautiful?” the black haired woman smirked as Alexia began to laugh trying to hide it behind her hand

“WHAT??? NO!!!” you screeched horrified as you saw G looking at you suspicious

“You did Cariño... Hermosa means beautiful in spanish” Alexia laughed

“Dear bloody fucking...” you started getting interrupted by Lucy

“Push ups!!”

“CHRIST... Ona said the female version of things is A at the end... the male mostly O... as far as I can tell she has breast and no dick!!!” you enthral loudly

“y/n Bronze... watch your mouth... we're in public” Keira said sternly giving you a death glare

“Sorry” you said ashamed “But... she laughed” you pointed at Alexia

“Because you got it wrong” Keira rolled her eyes “and it wasn't a bad mistake... just a mistake.. get over it... and now come on... Sarina is waiting”

You huffed but let Keira pull you along. You watched as the spanish player went over to their head coach Jorge Vilda (or as you called him Vileda – because he's a mop and nothing more) and their president Rubiales. They were laughing with each other when you saw out of the corner of your eye how Rubiales grabbed Jennis head with both hands and how she moved backwards a little bit. It happened so quickly that if someone (Lucy and Keira... and Sarina) asked you afterwards you couldn't even answer why you did what you did.

You saw how his head moved closer to hers and how she slightly leaned backwards. You pushed yourself away from Keira who looked after you confused before yelling out to Lucy (who was in conversation with Meado). You quickly covered the distance between you and the spanish team shoving bodies to the side until you were standing behind Jenni when you saw that he actually DID press his lips to hers. You yanked her around and away from Rubiales as you already had your balled fist lifted behind your head. You knew you had one go and only one. So you made good use of it putting all your anger into that punch. You felt your fist connect with his face (more specifically his nose) and a gush of red liquid landed on your white Lioness jersey.

It just took seconds but these seconds went past like they were hours. You saw how first Rubiales looked at you confuse. Then shocked and when your fist connected with his face how his whole face flew to the side and he tumbled backwards his hands flying to his nose. There was a deadly silence in the stadium – 74.310 fans were silent.

The next second you felt hands on your shoulders and around your torso as several people started to get in between you and Rubiales. Lucy, Keira, Ona, Alexia, Mary, Leah, Mario – all of them and some more getting in between the two of you. Lucy had her arms around your torso pulling you backwards while the spanish girls trying to get you away before Luis recovered.

Lucy (with the help of Keira and Mary) got your growling fuming form into the tunnel and then the locker-room. Sarina wasn't far behind

“All of you leave” the dutch ordered strictly

Quickly the three players got out of the room knowing not to start an argument with Sarina right now

“Are you actually completely mad?” the blonde dutch said upset “Do you even realize what you've done out there??”

“I...” you looked at her and she saw that you actually DIDN'T know what you did “no... I don't know... I saw how he grabbed her head and then... I don't know”

“You hit him” Sarina said slowly trying to see if you played her

“Did I get him good? He's an arrogant pig” you asked

Sarina just pointed at your jersey waiting for your reaction

“Wow... shit... is this his blood?” you looked up after discovering the splash of red on the white fabric

“Yes... y/n... I need the truth... do you REALLY not remember?” Sarina looked you straight in the eye and you held the eye contact

“I swear Mama Rina... I remember seeing him grabbing her head and then you yelling at me – I swear” you said honestly

“Okay...” the blonde sighed out “... we need to do damage control... you NEED to apologize to the spanish federation”

“WHAT? No... he IS a pig...” you exclaimed

“Liefje... you don't have to mean it... just sell it... because if you don't the FIFA has a reason to ban you from the World cup...” Sarina pressed

“And he just can do whatever he wants and gets away with it?” you said upset

“The only one who can press charges right now is Hermoso... not the spanish team or you.. this part of the problem doesn't concern you... but you need to openly apologise... and you need to sell it” the dutch said firmly trying to get through to you

“Okay...” you huffed “I don't like it... but I'll do it for you”

“Thank you Liefje... and please... after you apologized... don't throw an “asshole” in there” Sarina smiled

“Damn it” you cursed

“Yeah... I do know you” the blonde laughed

The two of you exit the locker-room and to no surprise your sister and Keira were still waiting outside

“ARE YOU ACTUALLY..” Lucy started before she gets interrupted by Sarina

“Stop it... we already talked about it and she will apologise” the dutch said sternly

Your sister huffed but after a second smiled

“Nice right hook... made me proud” Lucy grinned ruffling your hair

“Thanks... Jorge taught me” you grinned back as you passed the spanish locker-room

“Wait” you said quickly before you knocked at the door

You waited a few seconds before Misa Rodríguez opened the door looking at you carefully

“Sí?” she asked raising an eyebrow

“Okay look... I neither have the time nor the patience to even try to get you to understand me three words of spaniard so I'm gonna do it me way” you huffed out before yelling into the room “HERMOSO!!!”

Seconds later Jenni pushed Misa slightly to the side standing now in the doorway

“Yes?” the dark haired woman asked and you could see that she was still somewhat upset.

“Here” you said as you pulled the Jersey with Rubiales blood on it over your head “It's yours... you deserve it... whenever you question if people will have your back – it was me honour to have your back at this moment... end him Hermoso...” you said intensely before turning around leaving

“Wait” Jenni quickly grabbed your wrist “Thank you” she smiled slightly

“Let him bleed Jenni... he doesn't deserve your mercy” you said firmly “What he did was wrong... and he should carry the consequences”

“Here” this time Jenni pulled her jersey over her head “It's sweaty but I think it's just fair that you get the jersey from the person who got you in trouble”

“Meeh... I always get meself into trouble... but I'll wear it when I apologise to Rubiales... so that he knows that I'll stick to your side” you winked

“You're going to apologise??” Jenni asked shocked

“Have to... Sarina said I don't have to mean it... I just have to sell it... otherwise FIFA can ban me from being part of the team” you grinned

“Thank you y/n Bronze... I owe you” Jenni smiled again

“Yeah about that... I would love to win next year... could you maybe... hold back a little” you grinned and Jenni bursted out laughing

“You can keep dreaming because that won't happen” the dark haired woman laughed.

[rrxnjun]

where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him. 

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude. 

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all. 

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would. 

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…” 

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier. 

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose. 

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one. 

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence. 

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–” 

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now–  as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does. 

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?” 

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help. 

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice. 

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car. 

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack. 

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this? 

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place. 

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind. 

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain. 

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different. 

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike. 

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest. 

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about. 

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning. 

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now. 

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body. 

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface. 

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft. 

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?” 

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you. 

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more. 

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough. 

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed? 

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him. 

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time. 

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair. 

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him. 

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again. 

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else. 

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge. 

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression. 

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?” 

“Hm?” 

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence.  “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

[ecoamerica]

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