#what do you think. the diet of a fallen angel is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puppy-coded · 2 years

Text

Our Lady Of The Upside Down{E.M.}

✰ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: The Upside Down, angst, swearing, no happy ending 💜 i think that's it but let me know if i missed something

✰ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Eddie Munson x fem!elf!reader

✰ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.1k words

✰ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You take care of Eddie in the Upside Down until he says some things he probably shouldn't

✰ 𝐀/𝐍: I have my own lore surrounding the Upside Down and The Hobbit but, in my universe, Tolkien did not write The Hobbit bc... um... reasons. Don't come at me for inaccuracy please <3

✰ 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @sw34terw34ther @my-my-only-angel @mad-elia @chaossmoonlights

Welp. This is it. Eddie thought. He was wounded beyond repair and he just knew that he wouldn't be able to muster through it this time.

He just knew.

He was ready. He was a hero.

He closed his eyes for the last time, ready to embrace death with open arms.

Except this didn't feel like death.

It wasn't what he was expecting.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Just dark...

Wait... He feels something...

A hand, maybe? And he hears... Singing? Humming maybe?

His eyes flew open and he shot up from his spot on the...

Where is he? This isn't the ground? It's not where he died.

Or... Almost died.

"Hey hey hey hey hey!" A feminine voice he hadn't recognized called from... wherever it was. "What are you doing? Lay back down!" The voice ordered loudly, a hand pushing down on his chest.

"Where am I?" He heard himself groggily ask.

"Does it matter?" The voice asked. "You're alive," It said curtly.

"Am I still in the... you know?" He asked, finally opening his eyes to find you.

"Yes."

He laid back down and closed his eyes. "Then I'd rather die."

"Yeah well..." You sat down in a chair next to him. "I would too but you were laying near where I pick strawberries so those pesky morals got the best of me."

"Thanks then, I guess."

"You guess?" You asked loudly, bordering on a scream. "I did you a favor!"

"How did you even know I was still alive?" Eddie asked, opening one eye to your voice.

You shrugged, clearly annoyed by his questions. "Your breathing was shallow but you were still breathing."

"Did you carry me here?" He asked calmly, trying to will himself out of the oh-so obvious dream world he seemed to have fallen victim to.

You gave him a disgusted look, trying your hardest not to smack his head so you don't accidentally give him a concussion."I think those bats may have taken your common sense with them. No you dimwit, I used magic to bring you here."

Eddie looked at you dumbly. "Like... like you teleported?"

"No you numpty!" You stood abruptly from your seat and stomped around in a circle for a few seconds. "I- Here. It's obvious you're human so I'll show you." You had clenched your jaw and was clearly annoyed at Eddie's ignorance of your species.

Eddie just stared in confusion at you, leaning on his arm, as a bottle of... something... had glowed pink and lifted from it's spot on the counter.

"Now, I'm no healer but it works. Now lay back down," You told him, pushing Eddie down once more. "Rest, I'll change your bandages in a few hours."

Eddie turned onto his other side to follow you with his gaze. "What's that smell?"

"Dinner," You responded plainly.

Eddie tried extending his neck to get a look so you wouldn't get mad at him for not laying down again. "What is it?"

"Bread and stew," You huffed. "You eating or not?"

"Yeah... I'm eating." Eddie told you, practically drooling at the smell.

You nodded at his decision. "Good. You look malnourished."

Eddie scoffed and looked away. "I eat plenty."

"Yeah lanky human? What do you eat?" You asked harshly, putting your hands on your hips.

Eddie felt himself blush under your gaze, he knew he was being challenged and he didn't know how to answer. "Like... chips and cereal and stuff."

You looked at him in mock surprise, putting a hand to your chest and widening your eyes. "Oh! My mistake!" You said insincerely. "Do you have a balanced diet?" You asked, putting your hands on the counter in front of you.

Eddie spluttered and floundered for a bit before answering. "What's a balanced diet?"

"You're drinking milk as well as getting an extra serving of berries." You decided out loud, turning your back to the tall man so you could stir your pot. "No wonder you almost died."

"What?"

"Oh my..." You slammed down your wooden spoon and turned to him. "Did you do no research on the Upside Down before coming?" You asked, feeling the anger rising through your chest.

You had no idea why you were even angry. It wasn't your mission. Not your life.

But it was your home.

Your home that was under attack...

You clenched your fist and tried to hear the man out.

Eddie finally sat up, as craning his neck was quite uncomfortable, and faced you. "We tried but-"

"Bu ba da da da da da da hey hey hey hey hey!" You clapped loudly, as if Eddie was a dog or a child. "Listen."

Eddie looked like a kicked puppy when you raised your voice at him, along with the clapping. "Only because you scare me."

"Those bats aren't supposed to be fatal. They're more of a... minor inconvenience if you eat properly." You explained, putting a bowl and a plate in an empty spot on your table. "Bread, stew, berries." You said plainly, motioning for him to sit in that spot.

Eddie struggled to get off the... thing... he was laying on and had to use the counter and walls to get to his seat. "Your place is very nice." He tried complimenting. "It's like how I imagined a Hobbit Hole."

You flicked his temple when your passed him. "Do not bring up those sorry fuckers around me. They know what they did."

Eddie reacted quickly to the flick, rubbing his temple in slight pain. "Hobbits are real?" He asked, eyes full of wonder and elation evident in his voice.

You brought your own plate and bowl to the table and sat down. "Last human who came 'round wrote about the creatures he saw and what this place was like before Vecna reigned," You explained. "Of course, he embellished. Stupid fucking humans..."

Eddie excitedly held up two fingers. "Two things: One, who was it?" He asked you, putting a finger down.

You sighed and got up from the table. You went to a large bookshelf in the den and grabbed an old-looking leather bound book.

You set down harshly next to Eddie with a scowl. "This dickwad."

"Robert James?" Eddie asked, not believing what he was seeing. "He was no dickwad. He was a literary genius!"

"Wrong!" You yelled. "He came into my home, ate my food, and had the absolute audacity to show my species as 'homemakers with a small vocabulary and an even smaller thinking capacity. These creatures are quite simple compared to others in this realm. The woman I had stayed with herself was very beautiful, very talented in the kitchen, much better than human women, and had a diet that mere mortals only write about.'" You quoted, with a fake English accent. "Yeah, it's not all bad but still. Completely left out the magic part and only focused on my 'womanliness'. Everything about that sentence could be misinterpreted."

Eddie stared at you with his jaw on the floor. "I thought it was fiction..."

You huffed, rolling a lone blackberry across your wooden plate. "It's his autobiography. I have the first edition," You mumbled. "I'm sure in the mortal world it's different. There's a disclaimer or something or blah blah blah..." You said, leaning over the side of your chair.

Eddie's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he ran his hands along the old cover. "How- How old are you? This has to be at least seventy years old."

"Three-hundred and nine," You deadpanned.

"You look twenty-three."

You smiled sarcastically. "Thanks for noticing! Elves age differently nimrod," You mumbled, sitting up as straight as you could.

"Elves? But... the the the..." Eddie stammered, pointing to th side of his head and then pointing to you.

"Ears?" You asked. "Human thing," You waved.

"Anyway..." Eddie breathed, seeming to have recovered from slight shock. "My second thing was 'what are you' but that was already answered. You got a name?" He asked, putting one hand inside the other and playing with his rings.

You leaned back and crossed your arms. "Do you?"

He stared at you, trying to read your expression but not quite getting there. "Eddie," He finally relented after about thirty seconds of silence.

"Well Eddie." You started, deepening your voice when saying his name. "You're not getting personal information out of me easily. Read the 'elf' section and you'll see why." You said with a fake smile, opening the book and pointing to the 'elf' section in the book.

Eddie stared with wide eyes at the yellowing pages and cursive writing. "Can I keep this?"

"No. Keepsake." You said flatly, getting up to put your now empty plate and bowl in the sink.

"Do you, like, hate read it or something?" Eddie asked, genuinely curious.

You shrugged. "James has really nice and flowery language that I have a hard time finding 'round here."

"Oh..." Eddie stared that the pages and frowned, jumping when he felt your hand on his shoulder.

"You done with your plate?" You asked gently, pointing.

"Oh, um, yes. Thank you." He nodded graciously.

He read as fast as he possibly could, soaking in each cursive letter while you cleaned up dinner. He closed the book and looked at you.

He understood your disdain now.

. . .

Weeks have gone by and you couldn't find an opening back into Hawkins for him. No matter how hard you looked. You just wanted your personal space back.

Eddie eventually settled down as the Upside Down repaired itself and he almost didn't want to leave.

He healed pretty quickly thanks to you and your powers, as well as extensive knowledge in medicinal herbs no matter how hard it was to find.

You silently made your way back from your usual berry spot and smiled when you saw Eddie reading at the table.

"Eddie I'm back." You said, snapping him out of whatever trance he was in when he was reading by plopping down a half full basket of strawberries.

Eddie's favorite.

"Nice!" He said happily, standing up to look inside your basket. "Hey, um... I still don't know your name."

You took your jacket off and turned to give him a look. "To you? It's 'Hey you'."

Eddie plopped back into his chair and groaned. "C'mon Elfie, I've been in your home for three weeks. I wanna know my savior's name." He all but whined at you.

"Hm... tough titties. Flattery doesn't work with me." You shrugged, messing up his very knotty curls.

Eddie crossed his arms and huffed petulantly. "I'm just gonna keep calling you Elfie then. I know you hate 'sweetheart'."

"Oh?" You asked, feigning ignorance. "What gave you that idea?"

"When you threw a cup at my head last week." He reminded you, standing to follow you into the kitchen. "Nearly shattered against my pretty face."

"Slipped," You responded.

Eddie chuckled and leaned on the counter as you got ingredients out for cookies. "Any luck today?"

You gave him a sincerely disappointed look and shook your head. "None. I'm sorry. I know you wanna go home big guy."

Eddie looked taken aback by your statement. "What?"

"What?" You asked defensively. "You talk in your sleep."

"Ah," He nodded. "Us hoo-mans tend to do that."

You smiled and looked up at the taller man. "Eddie?"

"Yep?"

"What's the human world like?" You asked, getting the flour down.

"Indescribable." He said, pulling up a chair into the kitchen.

You smiled excitedly. "It's that good?"

"No it's that shitty." Eddie chuckled. "Only good things there are my Uncle Wayne, dnd, and my books."

You nodded and opened your recipe book to the page you wanted.

"Elfie?" Eddie asked in return.

"Hm?" You hummed, not really paying attention.

"What was life like for you before Vecna?" Eddie asked, not knowing the weight of his seemingly innocent question.

You tried to keep your breathing even and not tense up when you were still gathering. "Still shitty but not that shitty."

"How so?"

You bit down on your tongue and forced yourself to speak. "Depends what you want to know?"

"Everything."

You sighed deeply and heated up a small bowl with the butter and brown sugar in it.

"That's hard. I don't know everything." You admitted, hopping up onto the counter.

"Well, what do you know?" Eddie prodded.

"I do know that my parents were shitty people. I was an infant when I was left in the woods. Good thing a Hobbit found me. I was raised with them." You smiled, playing with one of your rings.

Eddie looked at you, shaking his head slightly. "Then what's your beef with them?"

"I'm getting there." You told him irritably. "My 'beef', as you said, with them is that they abandoned me too. Then off to dwarves before I could read and write. Had to be about sixty at the time... or six years old in your human years. I was on my own by the time I turned twelve." You said, trying to keep yourself from crying.

You wanted t beat yourself up for getting teary over beings that didn't even care about you.

"Elfie I-"

"Built my little hut, taught myself magic." You laughed humorlessly. "Learned everything I could. It's been almost a hundred years since anyone's been in my corner. I've thought about changing my name and going into the human world when a new portal opens up. Then James came. So much wonder in that man's eyes. Made me... feel special. Called me 'sweetheart' like you did... First chance he got, he ran. Never said goodbye." You said, holding back tears.

You took a deep breath to calm down, putting things into the large bowl in front of you. "I remember it vividly. I came back, all excited and in love, totally thinking I was gonna marry the guy with the way he talked to me... I brought him raspberries, his favorite fruit, and I hollered all around for him. Looked everywhere... One day that book-" You pointed to your bookshelf- "Came with the page he talked about me marked. 'Homemaker', 'caregiver', 'siren', and 'seductress' were all used to describe specifically me. I don't know any other elves... He wrote so many terrible things about me while still calling me 'love' and 'sweetheart'."

Eddie just stared at you in silence. He watched you mix and knead before putting the dough on a pan to cook it after rolling it into balls.

"So you wanna know everything about me? That's it. That's the end of the story." You said harshly, roughly putting the dough balls on the cookie sheet. "Wanna know why I'm so closed off? Thank your precious author."

"Elfie... That's terrible." Eddie tried comforting, standing next to you and putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah, well, humans suck," You responded angrily.

Eddie squeezed your shoulder slightly. "You hold such a strong opinion on humans and, yet, you still saved me."

"Don't get used to it," You said.

A warning.

"I mean, you said 'pesky morals' but I think there's something more to that. It can't just be that right?" He asked, turning you to face him.

"Watch it you." You warned, roughly rolling your shoulder so his hand fell off your shoulder.

Eddie stared at his hand and then you and then back again for a few seconds before whispering to you. "I think, deep down, you still care about humans and other creatures despite being abandoned over and over and over again. I mean-" Eddie got louder with each word and observation and you just couldn't take it anymore.

"Out!" You yelled, pointing to the door.

"What?" Eddie asked, genuinely shocked that you were being so harsh.

You washed your hands and started pushing him out the door. "You want to observe my life after I let my guard down for the first time in fifty years. That's what!" You told him. "You ate my food, lived in my house, flipped my life upside down? Nuh-uh. Not happening again. Leave." You urged, opening the door for him and gesturing for him to leave.

"I didn't mean to-" He tried, he wanted to grab your hand.

To make you smile.

To make the last ten minutes disappear from your memory.

"You didn't mean to? That's such nineteen year old horseshit! How stupid do you think I am? I have been alive since the founding of your country and I've seen plenty of people, especially men, lie to me and those I cared about about how much they care."

"Elfie-"

"You only cared about yourself this whole time!" You yelled again, feeling your entire body boil with anger. "You cared about getting healed, you cared about not starving to death, and you only cared about getting home." You counted on your fingers in front of him.

A loud sound, similar to a squish, had sounded outside. The gates, or portals, have opened enough times in your life that you know what they are.

You sucked your teeth with a hard expression and gestured out the door. "There's your chance to go home. It'll be open for a few days but I want you out now."

Eddie gave you a look of pure desperation. "Only if you come with me Elfie." He tried grabbing your hand and you moved it out of his grip as soon as his fingers closed around yours.

You smiled at him, a smile that he knew meant you were done with everything.

A smile that told him it was over.

"I've decided. I'm done with humans."

"But-"

"Those pesky morals?" You asked sarcastically. "Yeah. They're gone. I have no empathy for your species anymore," You spat.

"El-"

You put a hand on your hip and continued with your overy-sweet smile. "Turns out when you're a shitty house guest that your ever-giving hostess wants you out as soon as possible. How about that? Isn't it just fantastic? It is for me!"

Somehow Eddie ended up on the other side of your door.

"Goodbye Eddie. I won't miss you."

And with that you slammed the door in his face, leaving poor Eddie confused and alone; just as you were.

111 notes · View notes

m1d-45 · 1 year

Note

Okay uh. More angst for ya today!

Kaeya doesn't leave his house for a few days, and someone (probably Jean) goes to check on him, only to find him passed out with several empty wine bottles around him. Jean sighs, and asks Diluc to take his brother to the winery so he wouldn't be alone.

This backfires. Badly. When Kaeya wakes up and realizes where he is, he cries. He feels like he's being punished even more because of the memories associated with the winery. He cries, and hides... until Diluc and Creator come in.

Diluc swallows his pride, and Creator feels heartbroken. Both move to hold Kaeya, holding him close as the cavalry captain cries and apologizes over and over.

...I might draw this. -sibling anon

oh…. you’re so right…..

spoilers for kaeya + diluc lore

diluc taking kaeya to the manor for his own safety, kaeya waking up still drunk and in a bit of a daze, confused as to what’s going on even as diluc drops him in his bed.

“i don’t want you to die,” he says when kaeya asks why he’s here. “i… i do still care for you.”

and kaeya lies there as he leaves, looking around the room and taking in as much as he can. it’s so accurate, down to the shoes in the closet and the book on the nightstand….. he can almost…. he can almost believe it’s real.

maybe he’s sick, days of overwork, exhaustion, and he’s probably not eating as well as he should. a diet of wine and the occasional meal noelle brings him combined with his naturally low temperature… maybe adelinde checks in on him, noticing hes fallen asleep with his eyepatch in again and reaching for it it, her hand brushing against his forehead. she thinks over his behavior, how much at risk it put him for illness…

she tells diluc immediately, of course, who sends a letter to you just as fast. he knows how much you care for his brother, and if he’s being honest… he kind of hopes you’ll come back and knock some sense into him. seeing kaeya like this—feverish and ill, wasting away, probably more alcohol than water in his system, knowing that you’ve forgiven him and that this punishment is self-inflicted…

diluc doesn’t like it. he hates it, in fact, and almost wishes for the time when he’d stroll into angel’s share with a winning smile and ask for a round.

kaeya, as careless as he seems, isn’t stupid. when he wakes up, feels a headache beating at his head, the fog over his mind, he knows he’s ill. he slides his legs off the bed, sitting up with a wince, and blinks as he realizes where he is.

his room at the manor.

waves of nostalgia and guilt wash over him, tears springing to his eyes. he reaches up to wipe them away—somebody’s removed his gloves, his spiked bracelets—and finds that his eyepatch is gone, tears fall freely from both of his eyes and he simultaneously feels more exposed and more at ease.

a memory surfaces from the fog, of diluc pulling the chair from his table and holding him up as he removed it. he’d let him lean on him, removing his scarf and cape and helping him fumble off his boots.

“i’m sorry,” he’d tried to mumble, but diluc stopped the words a mile away with a shake of his head.

“we can talk about this later. for now, just… just rest, kaeya.”

more tears rose to his eyes. how foolish his feverish mind was, assuming diluc would want a brother that had betrayed him so. how traitorous, to try and twist the world into one that ended up with somebody as sinful as him being loved.

when the door opens, he rushes to try and compose himself—don’t cry, stop crying, they’ll think you’re manipulating them again—and covers his eye with his hand, looking up.

he expects adelinde. elzer, maybe, or another of the staff. diluc, if he’s particularly lucky—or unlucky, depending on how you look at it. but you…

the light from the hallway behind you makes you look like an angel, he thinks.

the concern with which you call his name cements the idea.

but you shouldn’t care for him. and he shouldn’t want you to. no, no, he needs to get his mind together. he needs to stop warping your image to fit his selfishness, he- he-

“it’s okay.” he almost hopes that he’s hallucinating from illness so he doesn’t have to face the idea that even after all this, you could care for someone like him.

when your hand lands in his hair, moving his fingers from where they’d been digging into his scalp, the fragile ties over his composure snap.

the facade of the cavalry captain falls apart and shatters on his bedroom floor, the equally as broken man behind it crumbling. watery apologies and pleads slip out between his sobs, and he leans into you when you move to sit beside him. his emotions are inflamed by wine and fever, his thoughts a twist of regret and damnation.

the bed dips again, a familiar hand warmed by pyro landing on his shoulder.

“you’re alright,” his brother says.

“it’ll be okay,” his god soothes.

between the two people he loves, kaeya cries. blessed as he is, the two of them are there to pick up the pieces.

#m1d : [chats]#sibling anon #this is NOT intended as a ship between the brothers and if you choose to read it like that i’m hunting you for sport #i should make a tag for stuff i write on tumblr and not in notion #just cause m doin it a lot lately and kinda want a tag for it #hmmmmm #m1d : [secrets]#sounds appropriately cryptic

25 notes · View notes

mrsfrecklesmarauders · 1 year

Text

"James..." Rebecca chanted.

James couldn't believe this was happening to him. Well he was flattered that a girl like Rebecca would like him. But she was so annoying. James had been with Danielle, a girl who cared only about her appearance. She was obsessed with diets and image. She critized everything James wore, ate, said, and she didn't laugh at his jokes. And now Rebecca... Rebecca who at that party had left James out of breath for how much had she kissed him. James was hoping that they could take a break to speak about their interests or dance or something. But Rebecca's lips were glued to his. He couldn't get her off him. So at some point James didn't even feel his lips.

All of it to get over Evans. James had stopped asking her out. He didn't want to be a harassing wanker. Effie had said: "When a girl says no. It is no. And you have to respect that, James". So James was trying. But this term, his relationship with Evans had been so confusing. They fought about the minimum thing. But there were moments when they could talk like civilazed people, and they ended up laughing and telling each other things. Like friends, like something more. But then the next day, they bickered about something again.

James was trying so hard to be better, and to be gentle, and he tried to be Evans' friend at least. But Evans sometimes misjudged everything he did. She thought he was still the wanker he used to be.

"Prongsie... It is pretty obvious she is playing with your feelings" Sirius had said "I don't understand why are you so obsessed with her. Honestly, there are prettier girls at Hogwarts"

"She is the prettiest for me" James whispered.

"Prongs... You are handsome, funny, athletic... You are the perfect match..."

James winked sadly.

"You can have anyone... Why waist your time with her? Nothing is going to happen between you and Evans"

Sirius was right. Even if James had hope on the times Evans was friendly with him and they didn't fight, she would never want him as much as he wanted her.

"Maybe I'll have to marry you, Pads" James joked .

"Oh!" Sirius fakely gasped "I'll be honored, love"

James was willing to forget about Evans. But destiny was messing up with him. He had to encounter Evans at the party. All alone, crying. And James had to be a gentleman to comfort her. And they ended up talking and talking for God knows how long. And Evans laughed at his jokes. And James' heart flipped in his chest.

"I won't bother you anymore, Evans..." James had said "But maybe... We could be friends?"

Lily gave him a particular smile..

"We will see, Potter" she had answered "If you behave"

"What do you mean? I am an angel"

Lily laughed as she shook her head.

How could James get over her? How could James tell his heart to stop beating for her? How could he get her out of his mind? No matter how much girls he snogged or dated, they were not her. Sirius was an idiot because he hadn't fallen in love. And perhaps James had. This could only be love.

"Becky..." James faked a smile now.

He thought that when he pretended to go to the loo at the party and never returned, and Rebecca found him with Evans later, she would never talk to him again.

But here she was again, eating him with her eyes. All James wanted was to go to his dorm and finish his homework for tomorrow. He wanted to go sleep. He didn't want to see Rebecca.

Rebecca smiled.

"I believe we have a pending conversation"

"Right" James snorted staring at his watch "But look at that, Becky... It's almost carefew... What a shame... We will talk tomorrow"

James started walking away but Rebecca grabbed his arm. Shit... James was so close to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"It won't take long, Jamie"

James sighed.

"You know I can't stop thinking about you..." Rebecca said getting closer. But James backed away "And your lips... And the way we kissed"

Neither did James. Because it had been a nightmare.

"Becky..." James said "I had a good time as well... But..."

Rebecca was too close now. Staring at his lips. And so she began kissing James again. James immediately cursed his luck. Rebecca only gave him a few seconds of breath while she giggled before attacking his mouth again.

Shit. James had to do something to get rid of her.

"Becky..." he tried to say "Mmm... Becky..."

"Yeah James!" she sighed "I feel it too"

Fucking hell. Maybe in the past James would've just snogged her. But he didn't feel anything now. James had been dreaming a lot about having the perfect kiss with Evans. Something romantic. A passionate kiss full of feelings. James didn't want to kiss just to kiss. He had matured from that by now.

Although he couldn't deny Rebecca was pretty. And the way she was moving her tongue and biting his lips was making James' body warmer.

But no.

He pushed her away gently.

"Listen Becky..." James said but Rebecca kept laughing. How can James reject her gently "I was thinking maybe we are going too fast..."

Rebecca pouted as she kept giving James sweet pecks on his lips.

"I don't care... What I feel for you is stronger"

She kissed him again and James rolled his eyes this time. How to get rid of a girl like this? She was so stubborn.

Rebecca's hands traveled through James' chest.

"I don't like this shirt..." Rebecca giggled unbuttoning it "You should take it off"

But James stopped her.

"No...no....no....no....Becky!" James whispered "We are in the middle of the hall"

"Doesn't it make this more exciting?"

James giggled as Rebecca's fingers ran around his torso. Because they tickled.

"Becky.... Somebody could see us" James had to stop this.

"Becky...." he protested "Becky... Beec..."

But it was going to be too hard when Rebecca kissed his neck like that. James had to be stronger than his stupid hormones. Shit. But he was closing his eyes. And he was enjoying this.

Maybe James could let go... Maybe he could pretend it was someone else...

"OH MY GOD!" Someone yelled "WHAT IS THIS?"

James immediately pushed Rebecca away. And buttoned his shirt quickly. Something he should've done ages ago for fuck's sake.

James' fate was having a laugh, because the person that had caught them was none other than Lily Evans.

Oh fuck...

Evans looked pale and disgusted. But her cheeks were turning slightly pink. When James looked at her, she looked away.

Becky gave Lily a nasty look.

Shit... Shit... Shit..

"No.... No... No.... No..." James said nervously "I can explain this, Evans"

Lily seemed so embarrassed. And disappointed somehow. She shook her head.

"What do you think you're doing, Potter?"

"I... I..." James didn't know how to explain this actually.

"What do you think we are doing, sweetheart?" Rebecca snapped "James and I were having fun"

Lily looked between James and Rebecca furiously.

"This is not the place to have 'fun'" Lily said, crossing her arms "This is a school. Not a freaking burdel!" And then Lily blushed saying that word. Gosh! Why was she so adorable? James had been an idiot.

"God dammit" Lily buffed as she took a notebook from her pocket "I was starting my patrols and this is what I find..." she rolled her eyes "Of course it had to be you, Potter. You are such a disgusting pig"

"I am not going to let you talk about James like that, princess!" Rebecca snapped.

"Oh Shut up, Rebecca!"

Rebecca gasped but she was silent.

Jesus, Christ. James was so in love with Lily Evans.

"Wait, Evans... Are you..."

"Yeah! I am writing you both down. And this will be in your permanent record..." Lily tutted.

"Hey... Evans... I..."

James didn't care about the punishment or the points he was gonna lose. He cared about what Lily would think of him.

"Don't argue, Potter! It is not allowed to do... To..." Lily blushed again, but she was so angry "Fuck! I know people do it anyways in this rotten society. But at least have the decency to take..." she gave Rebecca a nasty look "her... To your bloody room. But no... you had to do it in the middle of the hall!"

Rebecca laughed amused. She was so stupid. Lily was right.

"I mean there are eleven-year-olds that could see you!"

Lily continued like a scolding mother. She even hit James with her notebook.

"You are an unconsidered, freaking, tosser!! I cannot believe I thought you were different!!"

"Ouch!" James covered himself "Ouch! Evans, wait! I am different..."

"Stop it, Evans!" Rebecca intervened "Come on, we are young and having some fun. Don't be such a prude..." she rolled her eyes.

Lily gasped.

"Becky..." James warned.

"You know what?" Lily snapped "I was gonna be gentle and just write in here that you were chatting after carefew. Nothing else... But I think McGonagall deserves to know the truth...."

James sighed and Rebecca raised an eyebrow defiantly.

"I am telling McGonagall EVERYTHING I saw!" Lily spat "Good luck in detention, bloody perverts..." she looked between the two "You know what? You two are meant for each other..."

Lily started to walk away but James placed himself in front of her desperately. He didn't care what Rebecca thought.

"Move away, Potter!"

"Wait, Lily... Let me..."

"I SAID MOVE AWAY, POTTER!"

Lily practically pushed him away and she walked our ot there as fast as she could. Her gorgeous red hair moving with every step.

It was always one step forward and three steps back with Evans. James couldn't believe it.

Rebecca snorted. How could she find this funny.

"Rebecca, I told you this was a bad idea!" James sounded pissed.

Rebecca pouted coming closer.

"Sorry... It's what you provoke on me... You make lose my mind..."

Rebecca wanted to kiss him but James stopped her this time.

"Becky, that's it! I don't fancy you! I don't like you... I like Lil... I like someone else"

Rebecca rolled her eyes "I know you fancy Lily Evans, James. The whole school knows"

Well, James hadn't been subtle.

"But you don't deserve her. It is clear that she hates you, James" Rebecca said "And I am here willing to help you forget about her... I can give you what she doesn't..."

Rebecca came closer again. But James shook his head. He knew probably Evans would never like him. But he couldn't use this girl like that. Always wishing she was someone else.

"No, Becky..." he said "You don't deserve that. You deserve to be with someone that wants to be with you... And that guy isn't me"

Rebecca snorted.

"I am too hang up with Lily, actually..."

James didn't want to hurt her.

"Sorry..."

James walked to the Common Room.

"I guess I'll see you in detention..."

"Fine!" Rebecca snapped, now furiously "I can have whoever I want anyways"

"Okay" James shrugged. He was tired of all of this.

"You freaking asshole!"

Becky was right. Lily was right. James was an asshole. James would never stop being an asshole, even if he tried. And Lily would always see him as that.

*************************

James didn't tell the Marauders about what happened with Rebecca. It wasn't important to him. She didn't mean anything. So it wasn't worth it.

All James cared about was apologizing to Lily.

So the minute he found her alone by the lockers, he walked towards her.

"Hey Evans"

When Lily noticed him, she rolled her eyes.

"I don't want to talk to you, Potter" Lily snapped "I am telling McGonagall everything today..."

So she hadn't told her yet?

"Okay" James nodded "I deserve detention"

Lily looked at him curiously.

"Yeah you do!" she said. And she looked away.

"I am sorry... Sorry you had to see that but Becky was..."

"Becky!" Lily imitated annoyed.

James smiled "Yeah she is..."

"Do you think I care about who you snog and who you don't snog? Ha! I couldn't care less! I don't give a damn. So don't explain anything. Because I don't care!"

Lily had talked really fast. James noticed she was nervous and he found that amusing. Wait...

"I know what this is about... " James smirked "You're jealous"

He only said it to relieve the tension they had the day before. James wanted to be okay with Lily. Even as just friends. But not fighting. He didn't want Lily to hate him.

Lily laughed openly and loudly. She even hit his shoulder. It looked exaggerated.

"Jealous? Me?" Lily asked "Oh please! I only feel pity for that girl. Actually any girl that would date you"

James smiled "I am not dating Becky"

"I don't care!" Lily chanted.

James began laughing. He couldn't take it anymore. He was so happy. He could pretend Evans was jealous. And that's the reason she was angry. Out of jealousy. James wanted to believe it was true.

"What is it so funny, Potter?" Lily asked. But James' laughter was so contagious that Lily smiled for a second as well "It's not funny!"

James stopped laughing and leaned against the locker next to Lily's.

"Do you remember we agreed to be friends the other day?"

"No! We never agreed to that!"

James ignored her.

"Since you are my friend now, Evans. I need some advice... Dating advice"

Lily grabbed her books between her arms. She closed her locker and sighed, leaning besides James.

"We are not friends" she said "And I thought your weren't dating.... Becky..." she used a mocking tone with her name.

James giggled.

"I am not" James said "I was just with her to get over someone I like..." his eyes flickered towards her without her noticing "someone I really really like"

But Lily was no stupid. She knew James was probably talking about her because she blushed. It was obvious for everyone how James felt.

Lily tutted.

"First of all..." Lily started "Don't use other people to forget about someone else"

"You're right"

"And second of all..." Lily continued "Control your fucking hormones!"

James laughed. Lily shook her head.

"I cannot believe these teenagers nowadays" she tutted like an old lady "Nobody wants to fall in love anymore..."

James wanted to fall in love. He wanted to live all the romantic bullshit with Lily. None of the snogging and shagging was worth it. James imagined the romance, the dates, the butterflies in their tummies, the thrill of the first kiss. That sounded more exciting. Especially with a girl like Lily Evans. She was perfect. James was so into her, it felt like real love.

"I do, friend" James said.

Lily looked at him.

"With the girl I told you about..." James' heart raced. He had the urge to tell Lily everything he felt.

Lily blushed again.

"Well, if you cared about this girl as much as you say, you wouldn't be snogging others like that. And you should be doing something to let her know...."

James looked down embarrassed. Lily was so right. James wanted to explain that Rebecca didn't mean anything. That he felt so many things for her and only her. But he was such an idiot. He didn't dare right now. Not like this. She was going to believe it was another meaningless attempt to ask her out. She was going to reject him again. And this time, it was gonna hurt.

"And we are not friends, Potter"

Lily added when James didn't say anything. But in a jokeful way.

James smiled.

"We are kind of friends by now, Evans"

Lily walked away.

"We will see, Potter" Lily chanted as she left "Maybe..."

"You won't tell McGonagall about last night, right?" James yelled after her.

Lily turned all red, looking around for what others might think about James' words.

"Friend?" James raised his eyebrows in a playful way.

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes. But she just walked away.

James leaned against the lockers again.

"Oh God... I am so into this girl..." James said "You have to tell her, James... If she feels the same, she feels the same... But if she doesn't...."

James groaned.

Some second-year-old girls giggled as they passed.

"Hey" James smiled. He sighed.

Then James left humming a sappy love song.

#marauders #maraudersera #marauders headcanon #james potter #lily evans #jily #james x lily #microfic

17 notes · View notes

scarsmood · 1 year

Note

I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but I’ve been feeling strange lately. I don’t know much about otherkin, but I have the strongest feeling that I may be an angel. I don’t understand why… I feel very lost.

I’m 21 years old. I’ve always felt “connected” to angels and their aesthetic, or when I’ve seen them portrayed in movies or shows. The halos, all of the eyes, the multiple wings. The funny thing is, I don’t know much about angels. Yet, it somehow feels like I am this creature. I don’t understand. I feel like a lost, little angel in this world and that’s becoming more clear to me now.

If I am an angel, what would a demon be to me? My opposition, my opposite? What is God? What makes some “people” wolves, dragons, demons or angels?

Sorry for the confusion and questions, I’m just a little overwhelmed and concerned with myself at the moment. What does it mean to be an angel? Why me?

I may not be able to help you figure out why as that’s up to you but i can give you some tools.

Its perfectly normal to speculate or feel super lost with kintypes. You can pursue more information through a few methods.

1.research, looking up related tags on your kintype can help you get a sense for whats going on and if others experiences relate to yours.researching your kintype is also good. Learning about it more in depth and seeing what you like and what you dont

2. experimental: maybe you have some idea but its still vauge. You can say your a kintype just to see how it feels and play that role to see if it feels genuine. You can add or subtract any details that personally dont fit you. Ex: Not an angel with wings? Sure!

3.origin: you can try to figure out why your angel kin. Imo, not as important and being and understanding yourself but still helpful. Theres lots of orgin types from fantasy,religion,spiritual,psychological,delusional,traumatic,imprinting, or simply “am”

4.documentation: a few terms you may see a lot in your journey,

Phantom shift- a feeling of your kintypes body that isnt there. Ex: an angle feeling their wings and can seemingly ruffle them.

Neomata- inherent knowledge and instinctual memories you have of your kintype. This can be things like diet, what plane you exist on ect.

M-shifting or mental shifting- a shift where you think and perceive like your kintype.

Astral shifting- shifting your astral body into your kintype or going into an astral meditation as your kintype

Astral limbs- limbs of your kintype you can feel on the astral plane

Astral- a dream like plane of existence. A place that can be found via meditation, there are lots of different interpretations on what the astral plane is.

Write what you personally experience, see what makes sense to label yourself as. You may be interested in the terms: fallen angel, angel, fae, diety, demon, spirit with -kin at the end optionally.

It would also be something to consider what your source is. Are you from the christian bible or a pagan one? Maybe neither as something new. All options.

Good luck on your journey

#scars guide #otherkin #therian #resource

8 notes · View notes

fictionzsurveys · 1 year

Text

This past year…

who were your favorite singers, musicians, or bands?

Mitski for sure. I had her music on loop much of the first half of the year, especially her latest album. I don't think I glommed onto anything else this year.

what were some of your favorite foods?

Did you know ice cream is good? Because I'd forgotten that for decades and got back into it this year. Phish Food from Ben & Jerry's wins the gold.

what was your favorite dessert?

I suppose it was tuxedo cake, though I think that carries over from 2021. In any case, it's hard to top a cake that's just layers of vanilla and chocolate mousse.

what was the best thing that happened to you?

It’s frustrating because I feel weird about money but I got a promotion and big raise this year. It’s good of course, but I don’t like feeling joyful about it. Probably something for me to work out there.

what was the worst thing that happened to you?

I got covid. It was no worse than a cold, but it still felt strange to finally get it. All in all I guess I didn’t have a bad year.

how have you grown as a person?

Maybe in that I’m tackling big things like trying to figure out future retirement stuff and talk to my family about the future. I avoided it for years. We’re a laconic household.

what have you learned?

That I can still take on big plans like becoming a programmer. That’s my single biggest undertaking. It’ll take years but I kicked it off in 2022.

how old did you turn?

40.

what did you do for your birthday?

I had covid and wrenched my ankle so I just stayed in and read books.

what did you accomplish?

Maintained my diet regimen from 2021, visited Mexico despite my paranoia, started programming studies, got that promotion.

where did you live?

Same apartment. This was my fifth year here and I’d previously never stayed in one place for more than a year and a half.

who was your best friend?

Er, n/a.

This past year, have you….

made a new friend?

Nope.

lost a friend?

Nope.

made a new best friend?

Nope.

lost someone close to you?

Nope.

attended a funeral?

Nope.

attended a wedding?

Nope.

gave birth to a child? 🤰

Nope.

“came out of the closet”?

Nope.

traveled?

Yeah it was a big travel year in reaction to lockdown from 2020-2021. I went to Las Vegas, the Mojave desert, Mexico (Jalisco), Disneyland, San Juan Island, and Los Angeles a few times.

felt depressed? 😔

Not really. I ping pong between emotional states but usually level out.

felt suicidal? 😔

Nope.

felt happy? 😃

Sure.

felt at peace? 😊

Yeah at San Juan Island. The ocean does me good.

felt overjoyed? 💃

I think so but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was.

felt blessed? 😇

Not often enough, considering all the good things that happened.

felt amazed? 🤩

Definitely.

fallen in love? 😍

Nope.

had your heart broken? 💔

Nope.

got a new car? 🚗

Nope.

graduated? 👩‍🎓

Nope.

experienced something miraculous? ✨

Hm, I don’t think so... my continued low rent always feels like a miracle though.

had a better year than last year?

Oh yes.

had a worse year than last year?

Nope.

been to see the doctor? 👨‍⚕️

Oof, no. I’m overdue for a checkup.

been to the hospital? 🏥

Nope.

had a severe allergic reaction? 🤧

Nope.

had COVID? 🦠

Just a few weeks ago.

found out someone you knew had COVID? 🦠

Lots of people. We’ve all been getting out more.

used an epi pen? 💉

Nope.

had a fever? 🥵

Yep.

had a migraine? 🧠

Yeah a few times.

gone on a date? 🌹

Nope.

written in a journal or diary? 📔

Yeah I was keeping up with a few logs.

given someone a hug? 🤗

Yep.

cut your hair? 💇‍♀️

Every other day (I shave it).

danced around your living room? 💃

Nope.

prayed? 🙏

Nope.

worshiped Jesus?

Nope.

read the Bible? 📖

Working my way through it. I start on Psalms this month.

discovered a new favorite book? 📕

The Haunting of Hill House was great.

gone to church? ⛪️

I went in several churches, but just as a visitor during off-hours.

went for a walk in the fall? 🍁

Every day.

set up and decorated a Christmas tree? 🎄

Nope.

threw up? 🤮

Just yesterday. I think that was the only time I puked all year.

almost threw up? 🤢

Nope.

discovered a new music artist you really liked? 🎤

Mitski.

discovered a new song you really liked? 🎶

Love Me More.

seen snow? ⛄️

Only on the distant peaks.

seen beautiful fall foliage? 🍁

Of course.

gone to the beach? 🏝

Yeah I was on a bunch of different beaches. They were all Pacific beaches so it was brisk weather.

rode a bike? 🚴

I spent all last year setting up a bike and didn’t ride it at all this year. I might give it away to someone.

rode a horse? 🐎

Nope.

swam? 👙

Nope.

worn makeup? 💄

Nope.

done a craft project?

Nope.

made a scrapbook page?

Nope.

written an essay? 📝

Maybe some small ones for class.

painted something? 🎨

Nope.

drawn something? ✍️

Hm maybe a sketch somewhere.

sketched in a sketchbook?

Look up.

written someone a letter? 📝

Nope.

been to a concert? 👩‍🎤

Nope.

driven a car? 🚘

Yep.

kayaked? 🛶

Nope.

gone on a cruise? 🚢

Just a ferry and a Christmas party boat.

made a big purchase?

A Steam Deck.

moved to a new home? 🏡

Nope.

got a new pet?

Nope.

lost a pet?

Nope.

gotten a tattoo?

Nope.

gotten a new piercing?

Nope.

started a new hobby?

No new ones. I have enough for the moment.

worn a mask? 😷

All the time.

felt afraid to leave your house?

Nope.

celebrated your birthday alone?

Yep.

celebrated Christmas alone?

Nope, I was with family.

went for a long walk through the neighborhood?

All the time.

Favorites of this Year (Pick one for each.)

Song:

Love Me More by Mitski.

Book:

The Haunting of Hill House.

TV show:

Cabinet of Curiosities.

Youtube channel:

Nate the Hoof Guy. I got weirdly into watching this guy trim and maintain cow hooves. He’s got a good voice for it.

Food:

Ice cream in general, phish food in particular.

Dessert:

Besides ice cream? Tuxedo cake.

Drink:

Stone Hazy Double IPA.

Friend:

Marlyne.

Thing you did:

Stayed on San Juan Island.

Place you went:

Look up.

Person you spend time with:

Probably Marlyne, which is weird because she’s my landlord, and we hardly spend time together. But she’s cool.

Thing you did for your birthday:

Read a book I guess.

Celebrity:

Guillermo del Toro.

Website:

This one.

Emojis:

Still into :grimace: even though it’s apparently an old folks’ emoji now?

Colors:

Neon pink.

Restaurant:

That double decker spot by the water in Friday Harbor with a good view of the ferry.

Tea flavor ☕️:

Green.

Final Questions!

Would you say this past year has been a good year overall?

As we covered above, it was objectively a good year.

What are your goals for the new year?

Don’t eat meat. Continue programming studies to the point that I can make a game prototype. Just keep saving money and cut back on spending accordingly. Plan a trip to the east coast to go from Washington DC to Manhattan.

How old will you turn next year?

41.

Did you make any big mistakes this past year?

Nothing big.

Do you have any big changes coming?

Nothing planned.

How will you be celebrating New Year’s Eve this year?

I stayed at a hotel by the coast. It rained all day but then New Year’s Day was sunny so I got a nice walk on the beach.

What was the best day of this year for you, and why?

Just seeing my family in December.

What did you spend the most time doing this year?

Programming studies took up a lot of time.

#source #ssurveys #surveys #survey

0 notes

softidolproject · 1 year

Text

I posted 732 times in 2022

That's 732 more posts than 2021!

202 posts created (28%)

530 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@agooberscast

@softidolproject

@pudgy-planets

@itsjustagoober

@precureedfan

I tagged 587 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#ask call - 175 posts

#silliness - 175 posts

#the mun speaks - 152 posts

#anonymous - 140 posts

#snapshot - 126 posts

#irl stuff - 94 posts

#please specify muse - 88 posts

#ask prompt - 84 posts

#fallen angel - 84 posts

#protein diet - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 57 characters

#just send them some fun and silly and wholesome-ish stuff

My Top Posts in 2022:

The next exciting ask on You's Big Secret!

Hatton squirms as he is on his back, with Yousoro giving him an ominous look on top of him. "Y-Yousoro, why're you doing this? I haven't done anything wrong to you!" He tries to break free, but was unable to.

Finally, the epic continuation begins!

"First off, that's my line. You don't get to say that!" That's a slap across the face to Hatton as she gets it out of her system, before clearing her throat and collecting herself w little again. "My name is You (Yoh) and 'Yousoro~!' is my catchphrase. Everyone knows that!"

"Second off, your mistake was coming into town while I was also in town. And blatantly admitting how close you are to Chika-chan? My Chika-chan? Oh no, Hatton. That's strike three, you see." She huffs as she looms over him like this, still wondering what to do with him. "Strike three is where things get interesting~."

She leans down over him fully, grinning maliciously. "Oh, Hatton. Maybe in another life we could've been just as good friends. However, you are now the enemy. Top of the list, even, so I must take care of you immediately."

That doesn't bode well.

3 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

As for what the heck happened, Yohane... well. One little unintended misspelling by someone led to a FRYING PAN getting launched at her instead of a tasty cookie, and then the ouch happened, and now here we are.

“I see...good thing that you lot can usually fix that stuff, right? Right?”

3 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

📜 between Mari and Yoshiko!

@shraqsmuses

Mari: I learned some very valuable lessons from this. Yoshiko: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away. Mari: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

3 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

⚠️ Yohane - "Vore Machine" (Is it true? Irrelevant.)

“Well, I dunno about that? Definitely a streaming machine and converting machine! Maybe definitely a spicy food-eating machine, too~.”

“Though, uhhhhh, I guess if you watch my more recent streams...you would think that “Vore Machine” is very accurate~? Ehehehe~.”

4 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

8 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Character posts #Amogus

0 notes

ljsstories · 2 years

Text

Chapter Seven: Jensen

"Are you even listening to me Jensen???" Sitting staring into space as usual, Jensen let his manager drone on for the good part of half an hour. It had been two weeks since the girl he knew as Jane hurt him deeply and threw him out of her house. He thought back to that day with sadness and regret, even though she had been extremely cruel to him, Jensen stopped himself from doing something that would have changed her life forever. As Bryan Whitaker continued to ramble away to himself, Jensen closed his eyes and remembered standing outside a building that said Millport Police Station, he remembered his hurt transform into a burning, seething rage as he grabbed the door handle and was ready to hurt back. Something stopped him though, picturing that sweet girl with those huge blue eyes melted the hot lava of fury that was bubbling in his gut, he couldn't do it to her! Where was I when she took me? He thought to himself, I was about to take my own life! She saved me, she saved my life, she kept me fed and warm and safe...I can't do this! Jensen had turned around and wandered up the road until he arrived at a steep hill, at the bottom was a harbour and a bus taking passengers. Getting on that bus was something he had blocked from his memory, being on the ferry also was a blank, the first real tangible memory he had was when a blacked-out SUV picked him up on what Jane had referred to as the mainland, he had waited a while for someone to come and get him, he was lucky no one had recognised him, mind you he did look a little different.

Security had thrown him into the vehicle and questioned him throughout the journey to the airport. Jensen didn't speak, the men in suits were frustrated and called who he guessed was Bryan. He had to sit around in a secure room for a few hours at the airport until Bryan showed his face clutching Jensen's passport. "Holy shit boy you have got A LOT of explaining to do!" Bryan had grunted as he threw his passport at him. "The jet leaves in half an hour, these guys here are gonna make sure you get on that fucking plane, no arguments! Thank God you're alive because if you weren't I was gonna fucking kill you!!!" That had made no sense whatsoever, Jensen remembered snorting out a laugh at that statement and seeing Bryan's face turn crimson with anger. The plane journey from Glasgow to Los Angeles was awkward, Bryan ranted at him over the state of his hotel room, how his Houdini act could actually work in their favour now that Jensen was alive and kicking, all he could think about while his manager lectured him was Jane. He missed her already, his belly began to rumble and he asked one of the stewardesses for some curly fries and a banana milkshake to Bryan's horror. "Jensen, you've chunked out a bit, maybe lay off the Elvis diet for a while until you get your old figure back huh? The ladies will not want to see you wobbling around the stage all porkified!" The stewardess frowned at Bryan, then looked at Jensen sympathetically and replied to him in a warm voice.

"Can I get you a water Mr Reed?" Jensen sighed and nodded, pressing his forehead to the glass window of the plane, back to being an object! This was not going to happen again! As Bryan continued to plan out how to capitalise on Jensen's ten-day disappearance, he cut into his diatribe with a stern tone of voice.

"Bry I'm gonna take a break, I'm stepping away from River Monster for a while, and before you try and bully me into burning myself out until I wanna kill myself again, forget it! This is non-negotiable! End of!" Bryan blinked several times and his chin hit every roll of fat on his neck as his mouth grew wider and wider.

"Jensen, look kiddo I would love to give you time off but...the truth is your little stunt has hurt the brand pretty badly! I had to cover up the fact that you were missing! I told the rest of the band that you'd taken a sabbatical because you'd fallen off the wagon, which by the way is not a lie, I know you've been drinking before you hit the stage Jensen and don't even try to deny it!"

"Yes to calm my nerves, I wouldn't dream of denying it, I did slip and you know that! You know I overdosed the night I took off! I'm lucky to be alive, I've had a huge wake-up call Bry and I need to step back from the band NOW!!!"

"Jensen, you are the face of River Monster! I can't afford to..."

"Oh you can't afford to? Really Bryan?" Jensen's eyes widened in disgust, "If you don't give me some time to recharge you will lose a hell of a lot more! You can't make money from a dead guy!"

"Well actually..." Jensen cut Bryan off with a glacial stare. "Look the point is you're contracted to make six albums; you have one more to make good on that deal or we're all completely fucked!" Jensen screwed his eyes shut and pinched the top of his nose, taking in three deep breaths before answering him.

"I am well aware of my contractual obligations, you'll get your sixth album Bryan, I'm a man of my word, but I need a break in order to give you the good stuff! I write down my feelings, and right now my feelings are burning in damnation! The fans don't want any more music to cut their wrists by! That's all I have left right now, but with time I can produce the best songs of my career, please give me a break!" Bryan shook his head slowly and put on a fake, sombre expression.

"Jensen, you had your break! Ten days of a break in fact! Let's get back to work!"

Sitting in his living room listening to Bryan now and thinking back to that conversation on the plane, he just didn't have the energy to argue with him, but he wasn't backing down. When he got back, Jensen had to confess almost everything to his mother Stephanie, almost everything! He couldn't get the picture of his heartbroken mother out of his head when he told her what he had attempted to do that night. He'd also said that he would eventually tell her exactly where he went and what happened to him during those ten days, but right now he just wasn't ready. He told her how he was struggling to control his addiction since he'd fallen off the wagon, but he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since that night. Steph Reed intervened and told Bryan that if he didn't give her son a break, she would have him charged with involuntary manslaughter if anything happened to him. Listening to Bryan now, ranting about how this break of Jensen's was costing him a fortune, he knew that in his eyes two weeks was more than enough time, "...so just pull on your big girl panties and suck it up!" This particular statement made Jensen's blood boil.

"I'm on a break Bryan, remember?" Bryan's face was a dangerous shade of purple; however Jensen couldn't care less if he dropped down dead of a heart attack, it would be doing him a favour if he was honest.

"You've had two weeks on top of the ten days you disappeared, I've got a whole list of chat shows dying for you to come on and talk about the tour, it wouldn't hurt for you to bring up your last movie because I'm tellin' ya Jensen...you're definitely a shoo-in for another Oscar!"

"Bry!" Jensen sighed. Closing his eyes and throwing his head back in exasperation.

"Look kid, if you can't take the pressure then you shouldn't be in this business! You knew what you signed on for, you've been around long enough to know what the deal is and you can't afford to take any more time off!"

"You mean you can't afford it!" Jensen scoffed bitterly and looked out of his living room window. Here we go again, he thought to himself. He'd loved his house deep in the Hollywood hills, he'd finally found the right one after ten years of shifting around, but since his ten days on that Scottish island nothing seemed to satisfy him anymore.

"Jensen, I've worked my fingers to the bone for you and the band! I have gone above and beyond...when I saw your room that night, pills and empty bottles everywhere, I covered for you! I kept your disappearance on the down low, I even lied to your mother! Have you any idea how hard it is to pay off a group of maids and get them to sign an NDA so that your falling off the wagon didn't get out? I had them clean that room top to bottom, I had security outside making sure they didn't leave and alert the gossip rags! I had their phones taken away so they couldn't take pictures and sell them online! You have no idea..." Jensen shot up from his chair, his entire 6ft frame squaring up to his manager.

"AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING THE ONE ON THE FRONT LINE!!!" He yelled in his face, "Day after fucking day, being seen as an object and not a human being! Can you act like a human being just for one minute???"

"Now Jensen..." Bryan stammered and took several steps back; he'd seen Jensen angry before but not like this. "...y-you just take all the time you need and...well maybe go to the gym? You still haven't shifted any of those extra pounds, c'mon kiddo, remember your brand promotes clean living! I don't need your excess weight getting out as well as your little setback with the pills and booze. You're killin' me here kid, killin' me!" Bryan whined, he was sweating considerably and it was disgusting. He had a cheek to call anyone porkified! He was a fat, slobbery, red haired idiot! His belly was always hanging over his jeans like an apron and he was constantly pulling them up as if by some miracle they would suck all the fat inside them. He was criticising Jensen's weight??? He remembered his reunion with his mother, how she had wept happily at the sight of him. She had told him he had never looked so good, her beautiful boy, no longer stick thin and miserable but back to being her Jensen with his little chipmunk cheeks. She had pinched them and told him she loved him, there was no way Jensen was dieting or going to the gym! He was perfectly happy the way he was, besides his exercise routine during those ten days had done him a lot of good, all Bryan was commenting on was how his face had filled out, he had no idea what was underneath his shirt, and he looked pretty damn good if he did say so himself! "Kiddo..." Bryan began to speak again, wiping sweat from his brow with a handkerchief, "...just quit playin' around will ya? You know I have a heart condition!"

"I'm not playing around Bryan! Do you even know what happened to me that night? I was ambushed! No security to be seen anywhere! There were at least thirty of them Bry, thirty screaming girls found me that night during the private dinner! How is that even possible? It was supposed to be top secret! I'll bet it was Jonah and his big mouth, he probably leaked it...and where the fuck was my security detail? I was almost trampled to death if I hadn't...that's it! I'm gonna fire those sons of bitches right now!"

"No Jensen..."

"If they can't do their fucking job then what am I paying them for? Huh? Where's the number..." Bryan staggered towards him and gently pulled his phone from his hands, licking his lips nervously he looked down at the floor and let out a long, deep sigh.

"Jensen, I gave them the night off...it wasn't Jonah who leaked your location...it was me!" Bryan could hardly look him in the eyes, Jensen didn't know what to say, his breath got caught in his throat and he had to sit down. Slumped over trying to breathe, he thought back to that night, this was exactly how he felt when that stampede ambushed him. Jane saved him from that, she saved him from something his manager did! Bryan did this! How could he? What kind of sick son of a bitch would do that? He could have been injured, kidnapped, anything could have happened. At the time Jensen didn't grasp the irony of his thoughts but then his mind caught up, he could have been kidnapped by someone far worse than Jane! Bryan was mumbling away trying to justify his actions as Jensen calmly walked over to the door and pointed out to the hall.

"Get out, you're fired!" He exclaimed, almost a whisper, his whole body was trembling with rage. This was a step too far!

"Wh-Jensen, son..."

"I AM NOT YOUR SON!!! Get out now, I don't ever wanna see your face again! You and I are through!"

"You can't fire me without the consent of the rest of the band..."

"But I'm the face of River Monster Bryan!" Jensen smirked, using Bryan's own words against him, "I take it that means I can also be the voice of River Monster too! Get out of my sight!"

***

Explaining to Kris, TJ, Bradley and Jonah why he'd fired their manager was a mixed bag. Kris and TJ, the older band members, were disgusted by Bryan's actions and completely on his side. His brother and Bradley, the youngest band member at twenty-nine, didn't get why it was such a big deal. "So you got a little surprised bro, where's the fire?" Jonah had shrugged, as if being chased by a gang of screaming girls, while drugged up to the eyeballs and slightly drunk without any security around whatsoever, was just a slight inconvenience.

"Okay, so Bryan's gone..." Kris interrupted the two brothers as they began to argue, "...we need a new manager, so let's focus on that!"

"Actually..." Jensen raised a hand sheepishly as they all sat around the studio, "...I'm gonna take a step back and...um...well I've been writing!" The others all started talking over one another enthusiastically as he tried to finish what he was going to say. "Look, guys? Guys!!!" The other four stopped talking and looked over at him in confusion.

"What's up dude? You're writing again, that's great!" Bradley grinned happily at him.

"I want to step away from the band, I need some time to myself and...well we could all use a little R & R..." Jonah raised a hand to silence his older brother.

"So...you're leaving us? Is that it???" Jensen frowned and let out an exasperated sigh.

"No Jonah, I'm not...look we all need this! We have one last album on our contract, I intend to make it the best one yet but in order to do that...I need time! Can you guys gimme that? Please? Have I ever asked you for anything before?" The boys all shook their heads reluctantly, Jensen had always been there for them, there was no denying that. "I promise you, this is not the end of the band, but it will be the end of me if we don't take this hiatus and regroup!" Everyone but Jonah seemed to understand where he was coming from, especially Kris, who had been his best friend since kindergarten.

"Jensen, take as much time as you need my friend. I could do with spending more time with Nikki before she divorces my ass!" Kris and Nikki had been together since high school and were deeply in love. Nikki always wanted to have kids but because of the band they never got around to it, Jensen was hoping that this would maybe be a good time for them to start their family. Uncle Jensen, he liked the sound of that!

***

Immediately after he had informed the band that he was stepping away for a while, Jensen locked himself inside their private studio and continued to write. He'd already written a dozen songs and he wasn't even close to finished; every song had one particular theme in common...the girl Jane! Over the course of the next few months, the only person Jensen would speak to was his mother. She was the only one who knew he was working on a solo album; she was the only one who knew exactly where he was. His relationship with her had improved ever since he opened up to her about his suicide attempt, she was more attentive and she no longer made excuses for Jonah. Steph and Jensen's father Martin had divorced when he was six, his dad went on to re-marry and have two more children, two little girls, but his mother focused on raising him and his siblings. Martin rarely spent any time with Juliet, Jensen and Jonah, favouring his new family over them. Jonah took their dad leaving very badly, that's when he became unruly and difficult, then during his teens he followed Jensen down the dark path of drugs and alcohol. With the help of Steph, Jensen turned his life around and even managed to graduate from high school despite being expelled for setting fire to the gym during a basketball game. Steph had talked Mr Garrison, the principal, into letting him back in, he only had four months of his senior year left, she had argued that after those four months Mr Garrison never had to see Jensen ever again. She really did have a gift for persuading people to do things, that's why Jensen had always done as she asked by looking out for Jonah despite wanting to throttle him most of the time. As he sat surrounded by every song he had written since he came home from Scotland, he could hear his mother's footsteps approaching the room. She would often bring him his meals as he was camping out at the studio on a regular basis. She brought him banana milkshakes but he just couldn't find one that tasted like Jane's, what the heck did she put in them that made them so delicious? He could never figure it out. It was almost Thanksgiving, three months since he'd last seen Jane and his heart ached for her. He found it odd, there was a hole inside of him and he yearned to fill it, that was the name of one of his songs; The Hole, all about how Jane had left him incomplete. He felt something for her, he didn't understand what, but it was all consuming and overwhelming to him. Just as he was thinking about her again, the door handle turned and his mother entered the room.

***

Steph Reed would often visit her middle child, just to make sure he wasn't thinking of doing something dangerous again, the revelation that Jensen had tried to take his own life was a wake up call for her. She no longer appealed to him to make allowances for his younger brother, she saw him in a completely different light. She wanted to know where he had gone during those ten days he went missing, but she was waiting for him to tell her in his own time. As she entered the studio with some vegan sushi for her boy, he was sitting crossed legged on the floor, a pen in his mouth and another behind his ear, strumming his guitar looking down at wads and wads of paper on the ground. "Hey baby, time to eat!" She called to him cheerily.

"Yeah!" He mumbled and scribbled down something on one of the pieces of paper.

"You're busy again today! I got you a banana milkshake like you asked, this time from the little diner round the corner!"

"Cool, love those!" He placed his guitar on the floor and jumped to his feet in one swift movement, approaching his mother he grabbed the milkshake and box of sushi with a wink in her direction. "Thanks mom, I'm starving!" She laughed softly to herself, it was refreshing to see him with an appetite for once. Watching him devour the food and slurp down the milkshake, she took in his new appearance. His sweet little face was no longer gaunt, the dark circles around his eyes were gone and he seemed to have so much more energy. Her beautiful boy, he was back! "So..." Jensen mumbled with a mouthful of food, "...I'm just about ready to record, do you think Kenny would produce my album for me?"

"I don't see why not!" Steph shrugged, Kenny Warren had produced four of River Monster's albums, he was a personal friend of Bryan Whitaker's though. However Jensen and Kenny had a good relationship, so there was a chance that he could get onboard.

"Well..." Jensen continued with another mouthful of food; wow did this boy love his food now! "...he always did have a little thing for you mom, maybe you could persuade him for me?" He raised his eyebrows a few times suggestively and gulped down more of his milkshake.

"Jensen Alexander Reed! What a thing to say! Pimping out your own mother!" She giggled youthfully and tucked a strand of her shoulder length greying brown hair behind her ear. Then she mumbled, "I'll think about it!" Jensen threw the sushi box and milkshake carton in the trash and kissed his mother on the cheek.

"Love you momma!" Steph felt her cheeks glow hearing him tell her he loved her, it had been a long time since she'd heard him say that. Yes, her boy was definitely back!

***

Christmas arrived quicker than Jensen had expected, the cat was now out of the bag and Jonah had found out that his older brother was working on a debut solo album. He was quick to tell the rest of the members of River Monster and for a couple of weeks Bradley wouldn't speak to Jensen, TJ was slightly cool with him and Kris was disappointed with him for keeping secrets but happy for him regardless. Jonah was giving him a really hard time and to everyone's surprise Steph defended Jensen and reprimanded Jonah for being an asshole, her exact words. Juliet couldn't understand why their mother was coddling Jensen all of a sudden. Now that it was basically common knowledge that Jensen was recording his album, the studio was no longer his Fortress of Solitude and people would come and go on a regular basis.

On Christmas Eve, Jensen was sitting at his desk, working on his most important song yet entitled simply Jane, when his sister came for an impromptu visit. "Hey little brother, how's it going?" She greeted him cheerily, what did she want? She had her long brown hair gathered into a messy bun on the top of her head, all three of the Reed siblings looked alike and had brown hair and blue eyes like their mother. Like Jensen, Juliet and Jonah were of slim build too. If you saw all three of them standing together in a crowd you would know immediately that they were related.

"Hey, what's up?" Juliet looked at him as if he'd said something insulting and widened her eyes in surprise. Jensen turned to his music and waited for her to answer him.

"Does there need to be something up for me to come and visit my cute little bro?"

"Yes." Jensen replied flatly.

"Okay, you got me. I just wanna know what the deal is between you and mom, all of a sudden you're her number one baby, what gives?" Jensen continued to scribble notes on his song, not even looking up to acknowledge his older sister.

"She's just looking out for me, that's all!" He shrugged, from the corner of his eye he could see Juliet's frustrated expression, it gave him a small hint of satisfaction.

"Jensen come on! What is going on?" When he didn't answer she added a poignant sentence that seemed to lack the required emotion, "I'm worried about you baby brother!" He thought about telling her the truth for a moment but knowing her she would just go running to Jonah and it would be out in no time. "I love you Jensen, if there's anything you wanna tell me..."

"No not really!" Still he didn't look up from his work.

"I mean, no matter what, you're still my flesh and blood!" Jensen wanted to laugh, all these years she had doted on Jonah, he could do no wrong, while she turned her nose up at him. She didn't care about him, all she cared about was not being in on a family secret. She continued to bombard him with questions until he couldn't take any more and he blurted out the truth.

"I tried to kill myself, okay???" He looked over at her then and he was shocked to see the exact same expression on her face as their mother's when he had told her. "Now will you leave me to finish this? I would really like to have the day off on Christmas Day!" He looked back down at the song and read the words jumping out at him on the paper. Jane was never far from his mind. There was a long silence, Juliet didn't say anything, but as he listened closer, he could hear her crying. He turned around to see tears running down her face. "Oh c'mon sis, don't..." Before he could finish what he was saying she raced over to him and threw herself into his arms.

"Jensy-wensy!" She sobbed in his ear, squeezing him so tightly he struggled to breathe. All of a sudden she pulled back and stared intensely into his eyes, "Tell me everything, I'm here...I'm here for you sweetie! Talk to me!" Jensen's mouth fell open as he tried to form words, but he was so taken aback by her reaction that it was difficult to form a coherent sentence. "Why didn't you say anything?" Her eyes still interrogated him, damp and puffy, as Jensen chose his words carefully.

"I'm good now, I promise. I won't try it again; I had a long period of reflection and I swear to you I'm fine!" He rubbed her shoulders affectionately and returned her gaze.

"Jensy why?" Juliet's voice cracked as she asked him the all-important question.

"I was...drowning and I couldn't see a way out. It doesn't matter now Jules I'm fine!"

"I've always loved you, I've always been there for you, you do know that...right?" No he didn't, she always loved Jonah, that was a given. If she had ever loved him then she hid it very well.

"Not really Jules, no! You have always favoured Jonah! I've just never been enough; I've always been the one you ignored!"

"No! No!" She shook her head so swiftly that the bun on the top of her head wobbled like a plate of jelly. "Is that what you think?"

"Yes, because it's true! From the moment I was born you've hated me..." Juliet interrupted him and grabbed hold of his hands, squeezing tightly.

"No Jensy, no! Jonah just needed me more, you have always had it together, and when you didn't you always bounced back. Jonah is incapable of independence; he can't go it on his own...not like you!" What a crock of shit, Jensen thought to himself, he was forced to go it alone because no one wanted him the way they wanted Jonah.

"Jules that's bullshit! I needed you too, I was always so independent because I had to be! You've always resented the fact that I exist, I'm just an inconvenience to you! You and Jonah have always had that special bond...I've just been left to go it alone!" Juliet wept and continued to shake her head wildly, denying everything that Jensen was saying.

"Don't say that Jensy you're breaking my heart..."

"And you've broken mine since the day I was born!" Jensen snapped back at his sister who at that moment looked completely devastated. Had she really no idea how she behaved towards him his whole life? Didn't she realise that her loving Jonah more made Jensen go it alone most of the time? Always sticking up for Jonah in every situation, beating up the bullies and blowing on the skinned knees, comforting their baby brother when he had a nightmare while Jensen just had to suck it up and get over it.

"Jensen, I've always loved you! We're family! All you had to do was come to me, that's all you ever had to do but no...little Jensen never needed anyone! Jonah was always so needy, I helped mom feed and dress him, I took him to school holding his hand because he was scared to go in all by himself while you hopped and skipped through the gates without a care in the world! You could dress yourself; you could stand on a chair and get the cookies and chips from the cupboards no problem! Jensen you were a loner, you were always a loner! You never needed anyone, you would go off into the woods with Kris and climb trees, come home covered in dirt and blood and not even bat an eye! You were the strong one, out of the three of us you were the one who had it all together! Now you tell me that you tried to end your own life, how do you think that makes me feel as your big sister?"

"Ohhhh, how does that make you feel??? What about ME???" Juliet shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

"No Jensen, that's not what I mean I...you never let anyone in! Not even Hayley!" Juliet's mention of Hayley made Jensen's blood boil; he pointed a finger at her with fury in his blue eyes.

"Don't you dare, don't you FUCKING DARE!!!"

"It's true Jensen, you push everyone away, even mom! I wanted to be your big sister but you wouldn't let me! Jonah wanted the cuddles and the kisses and the fuss, you didn't!"

"That's because I knew you hated me! Come on, admit it Jules, you loved being an only child and then I came along and the attention was no longer solely on you! I took something from you and you never forgave me for it, isn't that right?"

"No Jensen you're wrong! When you were born, I loved you so much! I used to hold you in my arms and sing to you, mom would let me push your stroller into town and I'd tell people you were my baby!" Juliet sniffed back a few tears and gently took hold of his hands, looking deeply into his eyes, she continued. "I even changed some of your diapers, I was three years old and I wanted to do everything for you, my baby brother! Mom would hand me your bottle and you would grab hold of it with your tiny hands and I'd just watch you, those big eyes staring back at me as you sucked on your bottle, the little noises you would make you...you were adorable!" Jensen looked at his sister, like she was an alien from another planet. This was all new to him, she had never told him any of this. "When Jonah was born, it was you who turned away from me! You were getting bigger, you were starting to walk and babble to yourself, you wouldn't even look at Jonah when he was a baby. You threw my love for you in my face, so I focused on our baby brother because you didn't wanna be my baby brother anymore. You'd outgrown me...and I was devastated!" Juliet's voice became a whisper when she said those last words as Jensen continued to stare at this person who looked like his sister...but sounded nothing like her. "There has always been enough love for both of you, if I'm being completely honest I...Jonah has always been a poor substitute for you in my life, I...it's always been you Jensy! I tried to recreate what I had with you with Jonah and it never worked! I've always yearned for us to be close again, I've waited for you to come to me and say that you need me and you love me and I'm worthy of being your sister again! I've waited thirty years for you to come back to me...and you never did!"

"But...you're always sticking up for him, you're always fussing over him! Why..."

"Jonah needed me; he always needs me! He's useless, he can't think for himself! Hell he can't even breathe without assistance! You're different, you're resilient, you're smart and talented and beautiful! You're everything he's not, including way too self-sufficient! You shut people out, Jonah shares...well he overshares and he tells me everything that bothers him, then he looks at me and expects me to fix it. You never talk to me, you tell me nothing, you keep me at arm's length all the time! It hurts Jensy, you hurt me with your silence!" Juliet wept and buried her head in his chest, "I love you Jensen, so much, you're the one I had a connection with! Then you cut the cord like I meant nothing to you, you hurt me, but all you had to do was say the word and I'd come running! Even now, I'll come running, I'm here!" Jensen wrapped his arms around his sister and felt the hot tears run down his face. Was she lying? She didn't seem to be, she seemed genuinely heartbroken.

"Jules I...I had no idea! I just thought you loved him more!"

"I love you more Jensy, you're my favourite! Jonah's a jerk, but you're a sweet boy, you always have been! I just wanted you to let me in, give me a tiny crumb, a small piece of you. I've waited my whole life!" She squeezed him harder, trying desperately to connect with him, he squeezed back and rested his stubbly chin on her head.

"Jules I...I...I love you too!" Everything she had just said, he was not expecting her to react in this way. He was her favourite? Well she hid that one well. As he was going over their conversation in his head and rubbing Juliet's back affectionately, she started talking again.

"So how's the album going?"

"Um, yeah good! Just putting the finishing touches to the most important song and then Kenny's gonna come in and produce it."

"You actually got him to say yes?" Juliet giggled inside his brotherly embrace.

"Yeah, what do you mean?"

"Oh it's just...he goes back a long way with slimy Bry, but you always did have a way of charming anyone. My cute little bro!" She escaped his hold and began tickling him, like she did when he was being cheeky as a child. Jensen let out an involuntary laugh and tried to fold his arms around his body to protect himself, but Juliet was determined. "I love hearing you laugh Jensy!" She suddenly stopped, sighed happily and looked deeply into his eyes. "Tell me the truth! Are you really okay now?"

"Yes, I'm okay. It's taken a while but...I'm enjoying work, I'm enjoying life! Honestly Jules, I won't ever try that again! I promise!"

By the New Year, Jensen was recording his songs and he'd been nominated for multiple awards for Best Actor, this was his second Oscar nomination except last time he was the supporting actor. Some more good news was that Kenny Warren turned out to be a bigger fan of his than he was of old pal Bryan Whitaker, in fact he hated him. He'd told Jensen that River Monster should have kicked him to the kerb years ago and that it was very brave of him to stand up to him alone. Normally Bryan would seek revenge and sabotage anything his former clients did, but because the band were taking a break and hadn't replaced him, there was nothing to destroy just yet. Jensen was having a great time in the studio hearing his creations finally come to life. There was one song that he had planned to record completely acapella, it was a bold move but he felt that it didn't need any backing music at all. He was excited to hear the whole album once it was finished, he hadn't been this excited about an album in years and he loved feeling this way. By February, he was over halfway through awards season and he had won every award he was nominated for so far. He took his sister to the Golden Globes and he was planning on taking both her and his mother to the Academy Awards. If he was truly honest he wasn't all that bothered about winning all of these trophies, he attended these ceremonies for his family, he hoped that Juliet might meet someone at an after-party and finally be happy, although he would have to grill them for an obscene amount of time before he would even let them breathe next to her, whoever his sister ended up with had to be good enough for her, in fact they would have to walk on fucking water! Jensen had become extremely over-protective since his heart-to-heart with Juliet, he only wanted the best for her. Winning his second Academy Award should have meant the world to him, but Jensen just felt numb. He made a simple speech, thanking everyone who was important to him, in fact he barely remembered what he had said then he took his Oscar and went through the motions of being interviewed and photographed by the press backstage. He went to the Vanity Fair party for Juliet, there were a few celebrities she wanted to meet, but after that he headed home. He wasn't in the partying mood; besides he had an album to finish! After awards season was over, early March saw Jensen retreat into the studio once again and remain there until he was completely happy and satisfied with his solo album. The only people he spent any time with were his mother, sister and Kenny the producer. He designed his album cover with Juliet, she took the photo and they edited it together, working with her had been fun. His relationship with Jonah however was strained, Jensen didn't care, this was far more important!

By early July it was done, he had a small gathering of people he trusted round at his house to listen to it. His mother, sister and two of his bandmates were the first people to hear the album in full. Jensen had decided not to invite Jonah and Bradley, things were kind of strained with both of them and the last thing he needed was one of them criticising his work. Once they had heard the whole thing, it was Juliet who was the first person to say something. With tears in her eyes she held her arms open and tilted her head to the side, "Jensy it's amazing!" She sniffled as he walked into her outstretched arms for a hug. His mother echoed her daughter's sentiments as did Kris and TJ. His album was a hit among his family and friends, that was good enough for him.

"It's a little...different from our stuff but it's pretty awesome Jensen!" TJ patted him on the back and gave him a thumbs up.

"Yeah it's...just how I was feeling at the time, y'know?" TJ nodded in agreement, although it was a slight step back from the rock sound that River Monster favoured, his mother had said that it fitted him perfectly as a solo artist.

"I don't know Jensen, it's just...very you!" She had gushed, Steph was immensely proud of her son and she wasn't afraid to show it. There was only one more person he wanted to give his album to, Jane the Scottish girl. He was planning on visiting her, he knew where that cottage was and he was rather excited to see her again. She had said some cruel things the last time he saw her, but that didn't matter to him anymore, he wanted her to hear what she had helped him create...he wanted to see Jane again.

⏮️Previous/Next⏭️

#YouAreTheReason #writeblr #writerblr #writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #wattpad #story #story telling #tw drugs #tw addiction #tw suicide

0 notes

marquisoforder · 3 years

Text

Ranking the Nine Princes of Hell from TSC from the least to most sexy

(Technically 8 cause Lucifer is just a chair but eh)

8) Coming in at dead last we have Asmodeus cause I hate this generic white man energy he’s giving here. He’s the demon of Lust cause the only way he could get bitches was by tricking and manipulating them. He’s serving Frankenstein’s Monster had a baby with a CEO from a yaoi hentai realness here. The Worst of the Demons? More like the Worst Dressed of the demons! Black tie with a white suite? 🤮Sir are you out of your goddamn mind? Did Raphael bonk you on the head until your fashion sense left? -1/10 you are simply hideous sir

7) Coming in at number 7 we have Mammon looking like Jeff Bezos’s capitalistic wet dream. How are you literally all about money but still look tacky as hell? This man shows up to the MET Gala in a tux with no effort whatsoever I can just feel it in my bones. All these eyes but you still couldn’t locate a better fit. I was gonna ask why he looks constipated but then I read the part where he eats blood and gold for every meal so he’s obviously suffering from indigestion. (And it shows king, it really shows) 0/10 - Do fucking better and get a plastic surgery or a proper diet with all the money you are hoarding up

6) At number six we’ve got Belphegor. Honestly I’d have ranked him much higher if it wasn’t for the goat skull situation going on there like what’s up with that king? Is this a political statement? Or are you just taking covid precautions? Either way I can’t rank you higher than six with that face. (Even tho the body is definitely 1. Like you mean to tell me a demon with abs like those is the demon of laziness? He ain’t lazy if he’s grinding in the gym which he apparently is cause he’s legit shredded.) also kinda cute that you were married to a mortal. Maybe if they pegged you you wouldn’t have denounced the institution of marriage. (Try it next time. I’m certainly up if you are 👀 haha jk unless 😳) 5/10 - Sorry about your goat head

5) On the position of number five we have the one and only Leviathan! He’s not a fallen angel! He’s not like other girls! He’s edgy, he’s sensitive, he’s sad, nobody understands him. He kins Ebony Dementia Darkness Raven Way. But in a sexy way. I like what you’ve done with the hair. Paired with completely black eyes he’s essentially the perfect Scene Boy™️ from back in the day. He would have been Tumblr famous. Even now he has the capacity to become one of Tumblr’s sexy man (derogatory) cause he has the same vibe as Jotun Loki. 6/10 - No Comments cause I’m worried he might actually just eat me.

4) Belial is number four cause while he’s definitely good looking there’s something about him that screams I’d Mansplain Your Own Period To You. Probably invested in Bitcoin and trying to overheat the planet to death. Not gonna lie whatever he’s doing with his hands is actually giving model, it’s giving Timothy chalamet, it’s giving white boy who paints nails and wears rings and doesn’t shut up about it. The hair is actually really cool and I wish my hair looked that effortlessly good. Whatever hair products you stole from Brad Mondo, I want some rn 😤 6.5/10 - idk still kinda basic tho

3) Moving on to the top three we have Azazel! I liked him when we saw him in TMI. He’s giving fuck boy archie andrews here. Probably says baby girl unironically. Are his pants sagging or are they two toned? That’s a secret he’ll never tell. The reason he was cast down from hell is actually because god was jealous of that one lock of hair that falls perfectly across his forehead. His nails are done, his hair is perfect, his abs look rock hard. All in all has that all-American rugged good looks to him. 7/10- red hair actually looks good on you king keep it up

2) Our runner up is none other than Astaroth! Look at that serve! Look me in the eyes and tell me this man doesn’t belong on the cover of a cheap erotica novel about fallen angels!!! The glance downwards, the wings bared, the contrast of the red cloth with the black wings!! He did not come to play because for Astaroth, the world is a runaway and he’s a model. The luscious hair and the sexy torso scars truly sets this man apart. I’m not big on selling my soul but for you king, I’d fr put that shit on eBay for 50 cents. You think you were misjudged and pleads your case? Lemme be your defense attorney king, I’ll fight God in a Denny’s parking lot for you no questions asked. 9/10 - Unlike Belphegor I still believe in the institution of marriage so ahahaha 👀😌 iykwim

1) And finally our top boy from Hell is… none other than Samael himself! That cute lil feather on the hat paired with that Jack sparrow red scarf really shows he knows how to work a fit. The rolled up sleeves got me 👀 at his forearms like I’m a Victorian man seeing a bit of ankle. This demon legit looks like a man young Taylor Swift would write a song about. He’s young, he’s hip, he probably has a fashion tiktok and does mad transitions from outfit to outfit. 10/10 wouldn’t do this man’s sexiness justice cause he’s simply too sexy for such a trivial scale.

#the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc #princes of hell #cassandra clare #shadowhunters #asmodeus #astaroth #samael #bilael #mammon #belphegor #leviathan #azazel #the mortal instruments #the infernal devices #magnus bane #jace herondale #tessa Carstairs #malec

800 notes · View notes

kanmom51 · 3 years

Note

I wonder: if I showed this simple (and definitely incomplete) list of things Jikook did with each other to some outsider... would they think they are a couple or not?

(-> YES. YES THEY WOULD. The fact that people have the gut to discredit them because they are same sex members of a boy group blows my mind! The overly pushed heteronormative is especially disgusting :/)

JM is JK 's emergency contact

JK has JM initials tattoed on his ring finger

they know e/o's family very well JK's mom loves JM JK references JM's father multiple times JK's brother seem to like JM a lot

JM gave JK a '(love)bite' on his neck

JK nibbled on JM's ear on a stage in front of 66k people after saying 'I love you'

JK called JM baby

JK called JM dangshin

JM called JK puppy prince

JK drops honorifics with JM

you are me I am you

they where together on free days/national holidays

they are often seen arriving and leaving together in the same car

JK said JM is the perfect person to marry

JK always gives JM his full attention when JM is talking

JK said JM is the member who gave him the most confort

they went to see the first snow together

they wore matching outfits on valentine's day

they went on a private holiday together (JK's present to JM for his birthday)

JK recorded their holiday together and published the video as his last present to JM (said video has romantic undertones and lyrics)

JK has preferential treatment for JM - pancake - never getting angry and letting JM get away with anything - scolding the other members when they talk over JM

they have special voices/tones for e/o

they share or match clothes jeans shirts green jackets vampire t-shirt olive brewery sweater grey t-shirt pants/shirt by LV check collection olive green and balck plaid jacket purple shirt and purple marni sweater shoes on several occasions

they went on a date to disneyland

they went on a date bowling

they went on a date ice skating

they touch in sus places neck (both) inner thighs (both) waist (JK to JM) chest (JM to JK) hair/face/lips (both) ass (both)

they hold hands for no reason

they back-hug for no reason

they side-hug for no reason

they hug for no reason

they sit on top of e/o

JK gravitates towards JM

JK stares at JM a lot esp his lips

they cuddle

JM said he would go to the moon with JK

JM said he would feel safe with JK even on a deserted island

JM said JK is a reliable banreyo

JK said everything about JM is cute

JK said JM is the cutest

JK said JM with makeup is sexy

JK said 'if it's sexy, it's JM hyung'

JM said he loves waking up and seeing JK

JK portraied his and JM morning routine in the music video for LGO bc he wanted realism

JM said the part of his heart that thinks about JK is quite big

JK woke up early on a 'retreat' in New Zeland to collect snow and gift it to JM

JK said JM's existence is honey for him

they have been seen going shopping together

they have been seen working out together

they have given e/o plenty of compliments (even on their phisical appearence)

the thing JK is most sorry for is an argument with JM when they were younger

jin repeatedly teased them for their couply behavior

they flirt on stage magic shop

they naturally pair up for group pictures

they wait for e/o to head home

they give e/o advice on dancing, performance and singing

they are together at weird hours at night (night buddies coff coff)

V called them out several time for being together alone instead of with him (vlives)

they said they better not do vlives together bc they distract e/o

the members refers to them as a unit

staff has said they never see them separated

they have questionable selcas together (of buised lips and shared beds)

JK said JM is shameless

they flirt a lot during downtime

JM seems to like being picked up/carried around by JK

JM said JK is his happy virus

JK said he makes JM happy. JM didn't deny

rabbit spit

JM saying JK likes being tied up

allusive pick up lines everywhere my heart is burning why are you acting cute detective play with me arrest me do you think you can always be forgiven bc you are cute it's not our first time I want you why do you always come to my room give me a kiss why am I so erotic? I am going to be your future boyfriend are you happy bc of me? Don't you hear my heartbeat? I purple u do you like me that much? This is my toy JK's holy sweat You gotta spank him although he's older

questionable subtitles provided for context star, wind and romance mood and they lived happily ever after JK is happy with JM kate minslet and leonardo jungcaprio JM is JK's favourite model the director is getting into it JM and JK are one the maknae is happy thanks to JM hearts, cute comments and music from the editing team over their interactions

the sun and moon duo

golden closet film

big romantic gestures for e/o JM getting back to korea from Paris for JK's birthday JK singing romantic songs to JM

korea's open secret

being seen together taking a covid swab

JM always stays afterhours to reharse with JK

they are e/o biggest fanboys

JK is protective of JM (airport)

jimmeo and kookliet

JM got annoyed Jin called him while he was spending time with JK

they went on a boat date to see the red moon

they went to see malta together

JK is often potographing or filming JM

they have moments together that are proper misteries and so weird the mosquito net incident the whole osaka vlives fiasco the various 'home' references laguna beach the kiss sound video while JK reharses weird tweets/hashtags what do you want for your birthday, do you have a desire? Ambiguous use of the world ARMY what is tasty in Busan JM's manager the tissue incident the incriminated-selfie gate

they seem to know everything about e/o

they mention e/o a lot

their last two solo songs are love songs (finding love in unexpected places and the joy coming from happy love)

j-hope mixes them up a lot

JM has plenty of cute pet names for JK

JM said 'it could appear as if JK is simply somebody close to him who is younger (but...)'

JM is always with JK when he is phisically or emotionally hurt

JK often massages JM for his chronic pain

JM often massages/caresses JK bc yes

JK imitated JM's dangerous dieting in order to make him realize how bad it was

they have private (questionable) videos dancing together/practicing alone

JK took over a call JM did to Jin on vlive to say 'I love you'

JK said 'I love you JM' in the mic after a concert

JK said 'I love you' to JM on the red carpet in sign language

They both said they get hyped when they make eye contact on stage

JK gave JM the cutie award

JK stays close to JM when JM falls asleep in public places

they blew kisses to e/o

they got lost staring at e/o and forgot what they where doing JM on the red carpet both of them at awards

they paired accessories

they paired hair colors

they have a lot of admiration for e/o as people

JK lets (or makes) JM win

they get frequently lost in their own world

they reference things only the other understand

JK sometimes puts up a bit of a jealous act I do not approve of this

JM lets JK scold him

JK said to JM 'you are always number one for me'

JK said to JM 'I am always watching you'

JK has been recorded softly containing JM when he's on a perfectionist streak

they seek e/o out for comfort after performance hugging/hand holding

when one is hurt the other looks like he's suffering too JK on stage when JM broke down in the first virtual concert JM when JM got denied in a game

they defend e/o from the other members and have e/o's back

the other members separated them on several occasions when they got too touchy

personal space who?

They know things about e/o that are clearly not shared with the class brushing teeths snoring alarm ring sleeping time

black swan performance

they put e/o hands under the other's clothes to touch bare skin

JM kissed JK's neck

they feed e/o

spanking and ass-grabbing

they were caught on camera ogling e/o shamlessly

JM's weird strenght kink

JM said his camera roll is full ok JK

they have a different smile for e/o

other members said suspicious things about them together

JK only saw JM and J-hope during their official break

all the members minus JM complain about JK not answering his phone

heart eyes

drinking from the same bottle

blindly recognizing e/o's body parts just by touch or out of context photos

napping on each other (yeah, you read that right)

non-verbal communication over 9000

weird editorial cuts in backstage videos when the two of them are together

JM said 'JK falls asleep hugging me'

JM said 'JK plays hard to get but when he thinks I am sleeping he comes by and say I love you'

JM said he is the main model for GCF

JK said JM's photocard is sexy

JK sometimes hesitates in touching JM or holding him when he knows they r on camera

JK said JM is a fallen angel

JK praised JM's dancing several times

JK likes to tease JM

fixing e/o clothes

JK closes his eyes when JM touches him

JM run trough a whole stage abandoning his stage persona when he hought JK was being sick

JM puts JK's happiness first

similar mindset about important stuff in life

JM sat on JK. Uh. Different ways

JK putting his hands over JM while being hugged in order to drag JM even closer

JM ordering JK around and literally dragging him around

JK being overprotective

the members subtly panicking when JK/JM have to interact closely on camera

JM having to fight for JK's forgiveness while Jin was immediately let off the hook

Quite a list anon, lol. You put so much work into this list I couldn't not post it.

I do agree with most of your points if not all of them, but a good example of just how much there is out there to show how these two are the real deal.

#ask #anon

78 notes · View notes

cherry-glade · 3 years

Text

sleepy sunsets and candid confessions

pairing: tim drake x reader

summary: the two of you are finally getting to spend some time together after being apart for so long, and tim decides to bring something up to you that he’s been keeping to himself for some time.

warnings: mostly fluff with just the slightest bit of angst bc tim is a sad boy for a little while :/

w/c: 1889 words

You’re on the verge of falling asleep with your back pressed uncomfortably against the rough bark of a tree, sunlight warm on your face and shining bright behind your eyelids when you hear Tim, remnants of precious sleep evidently still clinging on for dear life to his voice, soft and raspy, slurring over the syllables of your name.

“Hey.” You look down to see Tim watching you with a tired little smile on his face, head resting in your lap. You’re glad to see his smile—Tim has yet to say anything about it, but you know that he’s been a little upset recently.

“I thought you were asleep, Timmy.”

“I was,” he confirms, closing his eyes again. “But I woke up again so that I could look at you.” He pauses to yawn, jaw cracking as his eyes squeeze tight before relaxing again. “Missed your face while I was sleeping.”

Your cheeks go warm at that and you gently flick his ear. Tim’s eyes flutter open and find yours as his smile widens, playful with a tiny hint of smugness spilling out with the flash of his teeth. It’s a good look on him, especially with that cheeky glint in his eyes, but then again, so is pretty much everything.

“Sap,” you mutter, and he shakes his head at you, the movement looking a little odd being viewed upside down.

“You love it,” he retorts through a second yawn and closes his eyes again, settling down like he’s just won an argument against you, except he actually has and you can’t say that he’s wrong, not really.

“We’re together almost all the time, Tim,” you murmur, pushing a few strands of dark hair out of his eyes. “Aren’t you at least a little tired of seeing my face all the time?”

“Never tired of seeing you, Y/N,” he confesses casually. “You’re my favourite person and the best part of my day.”

“Cool it with the compliments, Romeo,” you chuckle, twisting his hair and curling it around your fingers.

“It’s not just a compliment, it’s the truth,” Tim huffs, then pauses. “Well, I guess it is a compliment, but I’m not just trying to fill your head up with hot air. You make me happy. Happy, happy, happy...” he repeats, humming to himself.

You blink down at him, amused. “I think you need some more sleep,” you say, poking his forehead lightly, but he still frowns.

“No, I wanna stay up with you,” Tim insists, his frown deepening. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Or at least spent any time with you alone, just the two of us. I miss you all the time,” he sighs, and your heart cracks down the very middle.

“You saw me just yesterday, Tim,” you say softly, a little worried. He hasn’t mentioned this before, and while you agree with him, you can’t help but feel infinitely grateful for the little time you actually have been able to spend together. You’ve known from the start that you can’t always be his first priority, and that quite often, he has bigger things to care about than you.

“For like, five minutes,” Tim says, scowling now as he jerkily pulls himself out of your lap and still manages to gracefully get to his feet, jaw tense as he stares down at you. “We literally just said hi to each other and made small talk about the weather because we didn’t have time to talk about anything other than that.”

His shoulders slump, and you can vaguely see the sun just starting to set behind him, rays shining through Tim’s hair to make him look like an angel with a halo of bright light around his head. An angel who insists on carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I know that’s my fault though,” he confesses guiltily, avoiding your eyes now. “Me being a vigilante doesn’t really make it easy for us to see each other, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that I’m being a bad boyfriend. You deserve better from me.”

You stare at him for a moment, wide-eyed and speechless, not able to think of what to even say. In the end, you just say his name, not even trying to hide the way his name falls effortlessly from your lips, soft and loving.

His eyes flicker up to meet yours and then dart away, unable to hold your gaze. “Tim,” you repeat, your voice barely more than a whisper as you pat the grass next to you. “Come here,” you offer. “Sit with me.”

Tim hesitates and then folds himself back down next to you with crossed legs, close enough that your knees brush against each other. Looking up as you take his hand out of his lap to link your pinkies together, you notice that the sun has gone lower in the sky, leaving behind soft streaks of vibrant colour, light pinks and blues, fiery reds and oranges.

“You know,” you start, voice breaking the silence you’d both fallen into. “Whenever I get to watch the sun setting, I’m reminded of you.” Tim turns to look at you with a raised eyebrow, patiently waiting for an explanation, and you just smile at him.

“Remember our first date?” You ask, and Tim grimaces, an embarrassed flush crawling up his neck.

“The one that I was really late for so we had to completely replan it? Yeah, I remember that.” You can tell by the snark in his voice that he’s still clearly kicking himself for it, but that’s not what you want at all.

“Tim, that’s not what I meant and you know it,” you reprimand, and he gives you an apologetic smile which doesn’t reach his eyes. You sigh and take both of his hands into yours, lifting them to your mouth to press gentle kisses to his scarred knuckles and then leaving them to rest underneath your chin.

“You were late to our date in the morning, but we both wanted to finally go on a date so badly that we just went out in the evening and sat together in the park, eating ice-cream. Remember?” Tim nods, his smile becoming a little more real at the reminder of what was basically the beginning of your relationship.

“I... dropped my ice-cream because I was tired enough to be on the verge of falling asleep, and you shared yours with me. And we watched the sun set together. That was nice,” he says softly, untangling his fingers from yours so that he can curl his hand over your lower thigh instead, thumb rubbing slow circles over your knee.

“It was,” you agree. “It was really nice because that evening, I looked at you, and the sun was hitting you just right.” Tim grins bashfully, eyes crinkling. “It made your eyes all twinkly and somehow even bluer, and you looked back at me with this really dopey smile, and I thought, all the way back then, that I could seriously fall in love with you. And I did.”

Tim gives you the same dopey smile he’d given you back then, and it still makes your heart flutter. “You did. And so did I,” he says, touching his fingers to your cheek, lingering on the curve of your jaw.

“Exactly,” you tell him. “So now, whenever I see a sunset, I think of that. Of you. And you know, the sun sets every day, so I think of you a lot,” you say nonchalantly, shrugging.

“Even when we don’t see each other for a while, you’re still in here,” you continue to explain, resting one hand on top of his chest, right above the steady beat of his heart. “And up here,” you say, tapping his temple with your other hand. “And I’m sure the same goes for you.”

The way that his face softens tells you all you need to know. You don’t hold your arms out for a hug, but you keep your body language open and inviting, waiting for Tim to move first. And sure enough, he shuffles over and curls into you, resting his chin on top of your head as you lift your arms to pull him in close enough that every inch of your bodies are touching.

“You’re right,” Tim speaks up after a few minutes of comfortable silence, voice slightly muffled, but you can feel his lips moving against your skin, warm and curving into a smile. “I’m sorry for being an idiot and not talking to you about this sooner.”

“You aren’t an idiot, Timmy,” you say, lifting your head from his shoulder to look him in the eye and put emphasis on your words. The sun shines on, warm and bright where it touches you. “You just needed a reminder not to be so hard on yourself, that’s all. We all do sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Tim says softly, gaze fixed upon yours, something soft and undoubtedly gooey in his blue eyes. “You know me so well.”

“Of course I do. I’m in love with you,” you reply simply, tilting your head.

“Thank you,” he replies, and you give him a look, confused. “For being you. And for loving me,” he clarifies. “I know that being with me isn’t exactly easy.”

“That’s where you’re absolutely, totally wrong,” you respond, touching his nose with your finger and smiling when it wrinkles and his eyes cross as he tries to look at it. “You don’t need to thank me for something I don’t even have to try to do.”

Tim watches you with widening eyes, lips parted. He might be shocked by what you’ve said but you’ve known this to be true for so long, as true as the sky is blue, that it’s only fair he does too.

“Loving you is—well, it’s practically as easy as breathing. And no, I’m not exaggerating when I say that, so don’t even think about it,” you rush to cut him off as he opens his mouth, and his cheeks turn a delightful shade of pink.

Tim leans forward to kiss your forehead and then huffs out a laugh against your skin, his breath cool and smelling vaguely of coffee and mint-flavoured chewing gum, the staples of his diet. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

Liar. Tim never fails to point out hyperboles in people’s speech, with that smug little shine to his eyes.

“Loving me is as easy as breathing though, huh?” He sounds amused and pleased at the same time, a terrible combination for sure. “Who’s the real sap in this relationship, huh?”

“Still you,” you fire back, and Tim chuckles, fond and exasperated. You’re still smiling at him and your legs have gone numb from sitting down for so long, but nothing can make you look away from the playful grin on Tim’s face, bright and infectious.

“If you say so,” Tim sighs, sitting back to watch the sun finish setting with you as the sky begins to darken and the first stars are about to appear, but you both know that you’re just as hopelessly gone for this boy as he is for you, and time spent apart won’t change that, because it really is true, at least in your case, that absence only makes the heart grow fonder.

#tim drake #tim drake x reader #dc #sfw #my fic

99 notes · View notes

scones-and-texting-and-murder · 3 years

Text

Bookends

(This story was originally written for and published in the DeanCas Anthology back in 2018. )

Word Count: 2223 Rating: General ao3 link

Cas pulls as close to the door as he can, checking the rearview mirror to make sure he isn’t blocking traffic as he waits for Dean to get out of the car. Before heading inside, Dean ducks his head back in to smile at him. “I’ll get us some coffee.”

Instead of driving away, Cas stays there, watching until Dean pulls open the diner door. Leaning heavily on his cane, he shuffles more than walks, his bow-legged gait made stiff by the arthritis that wracks his joints. Cas waits until he’s safely inside, then pulls past the open handicapped space Dean stubbornly refuses to use, and finds an empty parking spot.

Cas’s car is boxy and utilitarian, and Dean often proclaims that he wouldn’t be caught dead behind the wheel of something so ugly. Cas plays along because giving up driving had been Dean’s toughest concession to age, but as his vision deteriorated and his reflexes slowed, it had become an unavoidable sacrifice. With replacement parts for the Impala harder and harder to come by, Dean had finally agreed to keep her stored safely away in their garage. Cas knew it pained him to see her shrouded under a tarp, her motor idle and useless, but Dean would rather enshrine her in pristine condition than risk one more run-in with a light pole or curb.

With his ugly car parked, Cas crosses the lot to join Dean inside. While he’s aged as well, aged to the point that nobody questions the two of them together, he’s been spared many of the maladies that Dean’s combat-wrecked body has endured, and he moves with relative ease. The best they can figure is that the grace he’d had on and off over the years left his body with a certain resilience to the passage of time. Cas can’t cure Dean as he once could, can’t ease the aches or slow the aging process, but he can use his own comparatively good health and mobility to take care of him.

Inside, Cas navigates past the hostess stand to find Dean at their usual booth, chatting with their usual waitress. The two of them go to this diner religiously each Sunday morning, where the pews are scuffed burgundy vinyl booths and the altar is the breakfast buffet with the generous senior discount. As always, Dean has maneuvered himself across the bench seat to make room for Cas to sit beside him. His cane rests against the wall in easy reach, the simple carved wooden handle belying the fact that the base unscrews to reveal a bayonet-like tip. It’s never been wielded as a weapon (although Dean uses it, still sheathed, to poke at aggressive pigeons who muscle in around their favorite park bench), but that potential made it “badass” enough to overcome Dean’s resistance to using it.

To Sam’s everlasting chagrin, Dean has kept all of his hair, and it’s turned a stunning silver. The crinkles around his eyes have deepened, meeting the roadmap of lines that cross his face. His shoulders are stooped, his joints are stiff, and Cas thinks he’s never been more beautiful. After so many seemingly certain ends, so many years assuming Dean would die young and bloodied, the fact that he’s living out a full, lengthy life is an unparallelled blessing. Cas marvels at the gift of days that have unfolded into decades, granting them time he never dreamed they’d have together here on earth.

As Cas settles into the booth, he smiles and greets their waitress.

“Two for the buffet?” she confirms as she pours their coffee. Cas doesn’t even have to check to know that she’ll leave Dean’s at a little more than half-full so he can lift it without the tremor in his hands sloshing it over the brim.

They drink their coffee quietly, simply enjoying the ritual of being here. Dean peers at the laminated card that lists the specials, even though he never orders off the menu.

“Shall I?” When Dean nods, Cas gets to his feet. “Any requests?”

“You know what I like,” Dean says, leaning over to swat at Cas’s butt.

Picking up two plates from the warmer, Cas slides them along the metal counter, filling them in tandem as he traverses the buffet. Pancakes are too difficult for Dean to get on a fork, but the crisp waffles are good. Bacon he can pick up and eat, and Cas uses the tongs to place precisely two strips on his plate. If Dean wants more, he can get up and get it himself.

Dean can argue with Cas’s choices, but they’d had a hell of a scare a few years back. Cas will never forget the look on Dean’s face when their phone rang in the middle of the night, alerting them that Sam had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They’d rushed there themselves, Cas driving in silence, knowing that nothing short of seeing Sam with his own two eyes could reassure Dean. Thankfully, it had been a mild heart attack and, after spending a few days in the hospital, the discharge plan called for cardiac rehab and an appointment with a nutritionist. With Sam’s release imminent, Dean had relaxed enough to crow at the irony. “Don’t either of you try to tell me what to eat ever again. Mr. Organic Produce is the one lying in the hospital bed while my pork-rind-fueled ticker is going strong.”

Still pale, Sam’s brow furrowed with resignation. “I’m beginning to think you can’t die.”

Dean jabbed a finger in his direction. “You don’t get to go first. We have a deal.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam lifted the hand without the IV in a mock salute.

“That’s more like it,” Dean said. “Speaking of which, I need a snack.”

Cas helped him up and they walked to the elevator that would take them to the cafeteria. As they waited for it to arrive, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. Cas left a hand on his shoulder when they stepped apart again. “All right?”

Dean nodded, his green eyes shining with tears. “I’m glad you’re here.” Cas started to respond, to remind him that there was nowhere else he would be, but Dean cut him off. “I know you know. But I wanted to say it anyhow.”

Cas noticed a change after that. Dean was still the same stubborn mule Cas had fallen in love with, but he gradually became more willing to let Cas help. And somehow, Cas loved him even more for it. He loved seeing the slow-blossoming acceptance that came when Dean stopped seeing Cas’s help as a sign of weakness.

Now, standing in front of the steaming trays of food, Cas considers what else to add to their plates. He bypasses the cauldron of oatmeal (they eat that at home most mornings) and continues along the buffet. There’s a tremendous satisfaction in being allowed to care for this man who has done so much for so many and asked for so little in return. In fact, Dean has now embraced this new role so fully—no longer questioning what he deserves, or grudgingly accepting help, but full-on enjoyment of being doted on—that Cas has to be careful he doesn’t get lazy. There’s nothing Cas would rather do than settle Dean in front of a sunny window, snug in the recliner for Cas to wait on like a pampered cat, but he knows that sort of inactivity would do Dean’s joints and his heart no favors. So he watches Dean’s diet and insists on them taking slow walks after breakfast when his energy is highest.

Their neighborhood is a mix of young and old and everyone knows the two Mr. Winchesters who circle the block on days when the weather permits. The kids on bikes and scooters know to give them a wide berth, their parents warning them that the old men need the entire sidewalk, but they call out their hellos as they go by. They’re friendly with everyone except the woman who lives on the corner. Dean is convinced she’s a demon, but Cas suspects his distrust of her stems more from the fact that she seems immune to his charm. (Whatever the reason, he’s had to talk Dean out of chalking a devil’s trap inside her mailbox more than once.) They chat with their neighbors about the weather and the score of last night’s ballgame, and it’s so painfully normal that Cas sometimes feels his throat tighten up at the wonder of it all.

When Cas returns to their booth, Dean examines his plate. “They outta bacon?”

Cas cuts the waffle into manageable pieces and peels the wrapper from the muffin before sliding Dean’s plate over. “You know the deal.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says. “You just like to look at my ass when I get up.”

They eat in congenial silence with Dean methodically working his way around his plate, eating everything heartily, even the fruit. Sitting next to him, Cas can easily scoop up any bites that miss his mouth, plucking them from Dean’s lap or his shirt.

“You two good?” The waitress asks when she comes to refill their coffees. “Need anything?”

Dean swallows the bite of muffin he’s working on, and rests his hand on top of Cas’s. “I’ve got everything I need right here. An actual angel, this one.”

She nods agreeably. “I can almost see his halo.”

Cas has learned that an old man can say just about anything and receive an indulgent smile in return. When Dean references angels or demons or the apocalypse, people assume he’s speaking in metaphor and they’ll nod pleasantly. Sometimes he’ll do it purely for effect, telling rambling tales from their past for the sheer enjoyment of being able to speak openly. He can’t always keep the details straight, but Cas is there to remind him. Some days, though, he seems to lose where he is in time, and there’s nothing Cas can do for that. Cas has taken to keeping a watchful eye on him in the late afternoons when he likes to doze on the couch with their one-eyed black cat curled up on his chest. Cas stays close in case he wakes from his nap agitated, calling for Cas, wanting to know where Sam is. Cas helps him to sit up as the cat springs down and scurries away.

“Don’t go,” he says again and again, and Cas takes him in his arms, assuring Dean that he’s here and reminding him that Sam is safe at his own home. He holds him until Dean shakily dismisses it all as just a bad dream.

The unfairness of it overwhelms Cas, and each time he’s left filled with wrath. These final years should be spent in well-earned peace, but instead Dean seems cursed with reliving his most frightening memories, traumatized anew by old, familiar fears. If Dean’s mind is destined to slip, why can’t it be toward blissful forgetting? What Dean has endured goes beyond what any human should; to ask him to bear it again is nothing short of cruel. But it’s a torture chamber created in his own mind, and all Cas can do is sit helplessly by, doing his best to ground Dean and bring him back to the present.

Cas looks at Dean’s empty plate. “Did you want to get some more?”

“Nah.” He’s full and happy and it’s time for their walk.

The waitress arrives to clear their plates. As he does every week, Dean asks if she needs to see his ID for the senior discount. As she does every week, she pretends to consider it before leaving the check. “You boys take your time.”

“Tip her well,” Dean says, leaning in to supervise Cas as he signs the bill.

“I always do,” Cas assures him.

When they’re ready to leave, Cas stands next to the banquette, waiting for Dean to retrieve his cane and slide himself to the edge. Using a combination of the cane and Cas’s extended arm, Dean hoists himself upright, groaning a little. Cas keeps a firm hold on him until he’s steady on his feet. Dean still dresses in layers, but these days it’s because he gets chilled easily. He favors heavy knit cardigans and as long as Cas gets the zipper started for him he can tug it up or down as needed. Cas checks him for crumbs then together they walk through the other tables crowded with families. They continue by the hostess station where a woman is wiping down menus. “See you next week,” she calls as they pass.

Cas steps forward to push open the door, and stands holding it. “Watch your step,” he says as he always does, pointing toward the raised metal threshold of the doorway.

Using his cane to steady himself, Dean shuffles his way over it, then stops to lay his hand on Cas’s cheek. His knuckles are gnarled, the skin of his palm is dry and warm, and Cas feels the same flare of awe go through him as he has since the moment he first found this glorious soul in the depths of hell.

“I am the luckiest man who has ever lived,” Dean says.

Cas kisses his palm, then takes his arm to help him on his way.

#deancas #destiel #my writing #growing old together #this came well before the finale #but it feels like a fix it fic nonetheless

78 notes · View notes