#what the fuck how does this have 7k notes

[bubble-dream-inc]

this stupid ass meme has been festering in my brain ever since the mission where these two flirt in comms for an hour

[onlyswan]

summary: in which you make jungkook’s world spin and you tend to… make him a little too dizzy.

> idol!jungkook x reader / est. relationship, fluff, angst / word count: 7k

> content/warnings: yea shirtless jungkook should be a warning… one (1) spank then he kisses it better, also gives a kiss to that lil bow on oc’s undies >:( + a flashback of oc crying and him getting stressed out bcs oc is a careless brat fr

> in which masterlist!

note: hehe i’m here <3 this drabble is basically just oc in a mood and jungkook being the sweetest bf ever 🤨 idk how it got this long either heh it didn’t feel that way at all while i wrote-edited? but i hope u enjoy and i’d love to hear ur thoughts 🥺 reblogs/feedback are appreciated !! <3

—

“oh my god- fuck!”

you cover your mouth in shock, squeezing your eyes shut and flinching at the ear-splitting sound that bounces off the walls of the apartment.

jungkook is rendered frozen, eyebrows furrowed and jaw slacked, staring down at his shirt largely stained by the chocolate milk you were walking around with after brunch.

“damn…”

his eyes are irritable when they communicate with yours.

“baby! really? did it have to be the white one?”

but seconds later, they become worried and calculating — wandering all over the tiled floor, and then your bare feet infront of his slides-clad ones, surrounded by shattered pieces of ceramic.

the collateral damage. an unforeseen tragedy.

suffice to say, jungkook woke up this morning blissfully unaware of the turbulent storm threatening to make a playground out of your mind. it’s craving to feed destruction, and here he is living with you under the same roof, an unfortunate casualty from your antics.

the hand-painted mug, wet from the condensation, slipped away from your hands when you accidentally collided with his tough build at the intersection of the living room and the kitchen. this… wasn’t part of the plan. the plan was a little spill and this is a landslide.

“that was expensive too.” you utter wistfully, chest deflating as you release an exasperated breath. “sorry. i’ll clean up everything. just stay there and i’ll- when did i last see the broom-”

his doe eyes grow two times its size when you start looking around the apartment in search of the broom, and perhaps something you can use to pat yourself and jungkook dry, causing your feet to unconsciously shift on the treacherous ground.

“ba-baby! don’t move! you’re going to hurt yourself. are you crazy?” he interrupts you with a hiss, voice stern as his hands curl around your arms to hold you steady. “it’s okay. this is nothing, i’m not mad… just stay still, understand?”

you nod slowly as he lets go, eyebrows knitting together to convey confusion when he starts pulling his shirt over his head, revealing miles of bare skin and planes of defined muscles on a perfect silhouette. perfect because it’s jungkook.

alright… to see him half-naked wasn’t one of your intentions, but you’re definitely not one to complain.

“tsk, i think i need to shower again.”

figuring that the internet has a solution to every problem one could think of, jungkook has decided to accept the horror that has happened to his shirt. what was it again? salt? vinegar? baking soda? powder? fuck it, he’ll search for it later.

he throws caution to the wind by using it to wipe his damp torso, brushing it over his tan skin glistening with a sheen of the liquid that you wittingly spilled. he winces at the uncomfortable stickiness that could be felt across his stomach, but he can’t help but to laugh when he sees how it further accentuated his abs.

and if only you were in a chipper mood today, you would be laughing along with him. would’ve taken over cleaning him up, apologized with a kiss on his waist. too bad you’re not.

eventually, he gives up on erasing on the feeling, proceeding to fold the shirt in halves.

“what are you doing?” you snap, putting on a guise of harsher irritation over your dreamy stares at your boyfriend’s glorious physique. “are we just supposed to stand here forever like idiots?”

“what is this? why are you so grumpy today?” he questions with a frown, patting your cheek with the soft cottony fabric because the splash managed to reach your face unbeknownst to you.

and then he bends down to place the folded shirt infront of your feet, looking up to you with his galaxy-filled eyes to say, “here- come on. stand here while i clean up.”

you stand isolated on the safe zone he created, childishly pouting with your arms crossed over chest as you wait for him to pick up your slippers in the bedroom.

the simple answer to jungkook’s question is you’re bored and in a bad mood. the more complex answer would be you came up with a one-man game you can only win if you successfully piss your boyfriend off, but you’re too scared to pull off anything that will legitimately make him upset with you.

because the last time you made him angry, it hasn’t been… that long ago. he’s been keeping a closer eye on you since then, and you’ve been trying to be good. keyword being trying. after all, you did lost his car key… at a beach three hours away from home. you searched the entire shore — retraced your steps, made your knees and palms bleed digging through the rocky sand, curled up by the waves to wallow in self-blame and the smell of salt-air defeat. you were nearly in tears as you listened to the call ring for what felt like an eternity, unsure if he already wrapped up the company meeting he mentioned to you the day before.

you still remember the desperate words you greeted him with instead of ‘hello’.

“babe, promise me you won’t be mad.”

—

“____, you didn’t even tell me you were coming here! care to explain that to me first? huh?”

your name, and not ‘baby’? heavens above have mercy; you’re fucked.

jungkook presses the heels of his palms over his eyes to alleviate the dull throbbing of his head, breathing heavily to compose himself, but he can’t disguise the frustration deeply embedded in his voice.

“you scared me!”

not yelling, but tone evidently very upset with you. somehow, that makes you feel worse.

“i had to make up an excuse infront of everyone and drive here fast. i was so worried of you being here all alone when it gets dark!”

“it’s your car so i thought i had to let you know right away. i’m sorry.” you chew at your bottom lip anxiously, eyes brimming with tears as you barely muster up the courage to observe how he’s handling this.

your heart pounds louder in your chest when he finally looks down at you, guilty and gloomy, sat on a wooden bench painted yellow. it drops to your stomach when you see the sullen expression painting his face a light shade of red.

“where did you lose it?”

you open your mouth, but no words come out. you can only manage to point at the shore with your disoriented eyes, and he traces the direction with his. the majestic orange sky where the sun descends below the horizon fails to be recognized by your foggy, distracted minds.

it’s silent for a few beats, then he huffs, breathing out a sarcastic chuckle before burying his face in hands.

“baby, please. please. are you sure you’re not pranking me right now?”

“no! do you think i’d joke like this? i really tried my best to find it!” you sniffle, roughly wiping away the lone tear that escapes your eye. you’re almost too humiliated to continue talking, volume falling a few notches above a whisper. “but the waves were getting stronger.”

he vehemently shakes his head, rendered speechless and stuttering, malfunctioning. he doesn’t think he has ever imagined this type of scenario before. “this is crazy. really… this is unbelievable… how did this even happen?”

he exhales loudly before removing his hands, revealing a calmer exterior. be that as it may, his skin is more flushed, all the way to his ears and down to his neck, where his veins have become noticeably prominent.

“i mean, what else can we do about it? i’ll request for a new one.”

“but are we just going to leave the car here?”

“did you leave anything in there?”

“i left my bag, but…” you pat the pockets of your skirt to check if your valuables didn’t meet the same fate as the car key. “i brought my phone and wallet with me.”

he nods. “then i’ll call a towing service.”

you pout.

“it’s such a bother.”

feeling exhausted after burning a concerning amount of energy in search of the missing item, you stand on wobbly feet to loop your arms around his waist.

maybe it’s to coax him into forgiving you. maybe it’s to make yourself feel better, nuzzle your face on his chest to drive away the anxiety weighing on your shoulders. but as it’s being lifted off, so is the barrier withholding your salty tears.

“i’m so careless. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i should’ve drove my car instead.”

“ye- no, that’s not…” he cuts himself off with a sigh.

he puts an arm around you, pushing his hair back and repeatedly carding his fingers through it out of habit.

“seriously, baby… you stress me out so much, do you know that? you’re always wandering around places you’re not familiar with… this is secluded. it’s dangerous. you could get hurt if you bump into the wrong people… really, i’m just relieved it’s not yourself that you lost this time!”

the recollection of old flashbacks playing in his mind like a movie reel elicits a throaty chuckle from him, low and rough, the vibrations of his chest rudely awakening the butterflies in your stomach.

“you couldn’t even send me a text. you didn’t turn on your location. i would’ve lost my fucking mind again… did you even thought of that? or is that what you wanted, huh? baby? you enjoy driving me crazy like this?”

and the confession tucked inside his scolding obliterates any coherent thoughts in your head, causing you to lose control of your whirlwind of emotions.

“this isn’t fair. you said you won’t be mad.” you wail out in response, tears fiercely leaking from your eyes akin to a rainstorm. “i didn’t know this would happen!”

he clicks his tongue, gingerly caressing your wet cheeks with his thumb, then with the rest of his fingers, and the paw of his jacket, because the streams just seem to have no plans of ceasing. his wide eyes worriedly scans your tear-stained face, heart squeezed painfully by the restrained sobs forcefully ripping themselves from your throat.

“shhh, shh. don’t cry- don’t cry. i’m not mad, i was just worried about you.”

“jungkook, you’re lying.” you whine. “don’t lie to me. i don’t like it.”

he slowly blinks at you, head hanging low as to compose his thoughts before he reconnects with your eyes. a faint smile tugs at the corners of his lips before his tongue unconsciously sweeps over them, its tip catching the silver ring piercing through his skin to play with it.

a moment of silence, thick with restlessness and anticipation, harder to breathe with the unique smell of the salt-air entering and leaving your lungs.

you feel small under his stoic gaze. you want to sit back down and cry harder.

your boyfriend is mad. your boyfriend is infuriatingly hot even when he’s disappointed in you. you need to dig a hole in the sand and live there forever. after everything, these are the only thoughts left running in your head.

“okay, fine. you lost the key of our car in the ocean, ____. but what if someone already found it by chance?” he cocks his head to the side, briefly peering at the road behind you.

he knows that it’s no use. even if he does see the white jeep wheeling by, is he supposed to assume that he can outrun it by some heaven-granted miracle?

“what then? hm…? what else can we do? i guess it could be getting stolen right now and we don’t even know. you parked so far away.”

god, please, not your favorite car.

“it’s not only the car. i still have important documents left in the compartment too.” this only dawns on him now, judging by the look of distress written on his face. he suddenly slaps his thigh, and you flinch a little. “fuck! i should’ve cleaned sooner!”

“then you are mad.” you arrive at a conclusion, chin wobbling as you sniffle. “about a lot of things.”

you resist the urge to stomp your feet. you want to throw a tantrum so bad. tell him that he shouldn’t be keeping such things in the car in the first place, that he owns a safe for fuck’s sake, but you know you can’t get away with shifting the blame because you messed up horribly in comparison.

“i get it. i’m sorry… i take full responsibility this time.”

“shit, baby.” he deeply sighs.

it becomes quiet again. he just looks at your face with knitted eyebrows, not saying anything more, and you try your best to cut off your crying, not to act conscious, but your eyes still fall on the sand. they stay there for a few beats to avoid the intensity of his gaze.

he almost sounds pained when he finally speaks. “how can i stay mad at you when you’re crying?”

he tilts up your chin, and your glassy eyes, sparkling with a new wave of tears, look at him beseechingly.

the setting sun. an eternal witness to a brand new day of humans being humans. it kisses your skin with its golden light, bathing your figure to radiate an angelic glow that drives him to consider once more that you could just be an enchanting character across dreams and the year is still 2017.

you sniffle again, brushing off his hand. sometimes you despise that jungkook brings out messiest, most unstable side of you. you know that he practically signed up for this, and he will always love you the same, love you even more. but that doesn’t take away the fact that you’re so embarrassed.

“but i’m not crying just to make you feel bad, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“yah, that wasn’t what i meant?” he frowns, eyes softening at your reply. “of course. i know that.”

the cracks in your voice, he seals with a soft kiss on your lips, tender and swollen caused by the onslaught of your sharp teeth.

“anyway, i can take care of replacing it. i mean, it’s not like it can get stolen just like that, right…?”

he sounds rather nervous convincing the both of you.

“but i’m most worried about you. i can lose everything but you.” his tattooed arm pulls you closer, casting aside the tension by leaving not even an inch of space between your bodies. he tenderly rubs your back to console you, and another kiss is granted to your temple, his soothing voice slightly muffled as his lips stay glued to you. “did i make you cry? i’m sorry, baby, i’m sorry… it’s okay. things like this can happen.”

“no, i’m sorry.” you aggressively shake your head and he carries on with wiping your cheeks, the back of his hand brushing off the tears that drip across your chin. he dries his hand on the hem of his jacket only to get it wet all over again.

“let’s just learn from this and move on. promise me that you’ll be more careful next time, okay? you can do that, right?”

jungkook does scold you every now and then, but although you stress him out, he would hate it if he’s not the first person you call when you’re in trouble. he would hate it if you act nonchalant and secretly cry when you’re hurt. but most of all, he can’t imagine a life in which you don’t make his world spin, much as he tends to get too dizzy at times.

your defiant hum makes his tense shoulders drop in disappointment.

“there should be a bus stop somewhere, i’ll just go home on my own. i don’t want to keep stressing you out.”

you will yourself to break free from his embrace, dragging yourself away to leave behind a trail of footprints in the sand, and he knows he’ll be running after you today, too.

“oh? you better stop right there!” he warns with a hand over his hip.

you become smaller and smaller in his eyes with every tick of the clock, much like how the sun is gradually getting swallowed by the ocean.

“i’ll get angry for real if you disappear from my sight. really, i’m not joking!”

angry? what a joke. you know that he’d cry blood searching for you if you get lost.

“oh? you’re really not going to stop?!”

jungkook’s voice fall on deaf ears, except that of the dog leashed to a tree that stands infront of a humble home. it seethingly barks at him from many meters away.

“fucking shit. i need alcohol.” he chuckles to himself, rubbing his tired eyes. “____, i swear, you’re getting too stubborn these days. what should i do with you?”

but you’re too far away to hear him, and so, he answers himself.

“eh, it is what it is.”

the wind blows with a quiet whistle, deadly as it fuels the roaring waves.

“AH! nuh-uh!” he exclaims, jaw dropping in alarm when he sees an urgent reason to chase after you, putting those leg days at the gym to good use.

you jump, a squeak leaving your mouth when out of nowhere, a solicitous palm smooths over your behind, sliding down to the back of your thighs to hold down your rippling skirt.

but you’re determined to be unyielding, eyes shooting daggers at jungkook. “leave me alone. i can do it myself.”

“baby, isn’t that a little rude? is that how you say ‘thank you’?”

“thank you. now let’s go our separate ways.”

and just like that, you’re walking away again.

“shit.” he curses quietly through gritted teeth, pulling at his hair. “babe, please come back… i’m sorry! i didn’t mean that!”

—

“jungkook! how many times do i need to tell you to turn off faucet properly?!”

you’re hot on jungkook’s tail as he makes his way to the laundry room beside the kitchen, carrying a laundry basket over his hip. he’s still shirtless, only clad in a different pair of shorts after a quick shower.

“the bathroom sink was close to overflowing! again!”

“i know what you’re doing.”

“what? what am i doing?”

the basket touches the ground, standing beside the dryer, and then he turns to face you, eyebrows shooting up. “picking a fight with me won’t work today.”

“why?” your tone borders on a whine.

“what do you mean ‘why’?” he laughs in jest. “why? why do you want to fight with me so bad?”

“i don’t know.” you exhale loudly, rolling your eyes and shrugging. “just because!”

“well, that’s not very convincing, is it?” he teases you with a grin, proceeding to open the dryer to dump the fresh laundry in the basket. the clothes you wore in the past week once again soaked up the sweet, floral scent the people around you distinctly recognizes to be your own and jungkook’s.

“i know, but i’m done playing now. you’re not hearing me.” you close your eyes in frustration, recounting the other times you had to say these exact words. “you’re going to flood our house.”

“okay, okay. i won’t forget to double-check it from now on. i promise.”

“sure, that’s what you also said last time.” you indignantly scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “i’m not turning it off for you anymore. if we get flooded, i’m leaving you. i’m moving out.”

your threat puts a halt to his movements for a split second before he’s adorably replying in a sing-song voice. “then i’m going with you.”

“no, you’re not.”

and it doesn’t come as a shock to you that jungkook doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

“huh! good luck trying to stop me.” he slams the door of the dryer shut, standing up straight. “it’s not easy getting rid of me. you know that.”

he walks to the middle of the room to get a good view of you at the entrance. with the other resting on his hip, he lies his palm flat over the counter, outstretched arm cascading with varied colors of ink in sharp lines and swirling curves.

fuck, he has to know what he’s doing — flexing his muscles like that, not playing fair.

“aigoo, look at you glaring at me. you want to fight?”

and you’d feel intimidated by his challenging stare, the quirk of his eyebrow, his teeth sinking on his bottom lip… only if he didn’t blink to rake a stare over your body, lingering on your smooth legs that couldn’t be covered by your mere underwear. only if they didn’t flicker back to your face, and only if he didn’t smirk like a lovesick fool.

“so cute.” he chuckles. “you’re totally my type.”

“shut up.” you roll your eyes at the random compliment. “i know, i already get that a lot.”

his smile then fades, not so thrilled with the reminder that it’s so easy to fall in love with you, and therefore anyone would die to take his place. he knows that they hover around you like moths to a flame when he’s not there. well, he really can’t blame them, can he? you’re so fucking attractive.

“what does that mean…? who else is saying it, huh? tell me. i think i have a few guesses.”

“does it matter?” you stare at him blankly, which then turns into a piercing glare. “jungkook! i was just talking about you not paying enough attention. look at you proving me right!”

the stomp of your feet on the floor tells him that you’ve reached a level of frustration near to inducing a flood of tears.

oh, he truly got called out, huh?

“i’m sorry- i’m sorry. i admit that. i’m sorry, my love. i was just joking around. i’m listening well now.” he winces guiltily, beckoning you to be where he is. “come here then.”

“i don’t want to.” you stay rooted in your spot. “who do you think you are?”

“m-me…? i’m your boyfriend. boyfriend!” he points at himself, index finger repeatedly poking his bare chest to emphasize his point. his arm then drops to his side. his doe eyes widen as he breathes out a sigh of disbelief. “oh, i’m really getting upset now?”

you bite back a smile. the sweet taste of victory.

you can’t be the only one, can you?

“aish, i see you’re having your way again.” he chuckles, taking it upon himself to cross the distance between you. his hands find purchase on the curves of your waist, and every nerve in your body turns into a live wire. “let’s just go out today. do you want to practice boxing at the gym with me?”

didn’t he just watch you do arms day this morning? does he think you have the same stamina as him? you make a face of disapproval and shake your head.

“shall we go to a rage room again then? break more stuff?” he playfully sticks his tongue out, and you glare once more.

for the record, you loved that mug.

“boring.”

“and fighting with me is fun?”

you purse your lips into a thin line. “well, it’s not boring.”

“of course.” he laughs, softly squeezing your waist, pads of his thumbs mindlessly tracing shapes over the fabric of your top.

all of a sudden, he’s tugging you closer to envelope you in his embrace, voice slightly muffled as he sweetly talks. “are you mad at me for real? i’m sorry. sorry, sorry, sorry. sorry. i’ll really be more mindful of the things you remind me about, i swear… i don’t like fighting. it breaks my heart when you cry.”

what is this five foot ten man with bulging biceps, tattoo sleeve, and piercings doing here in the crook of your neck — affectionately nuzzling his face on your skin and telling you in a baby voice that he doesn’t like fighting?

you don’t know, but you feel good.

and his bare body is so comfortingly soft and warm.

he draws back for a kiss but his nose and lips only graze your cheek when you turn away, and you don’t see the sadness that flashes across his face.

“so what i’m hearing is… you don’t like fighting with me because i’m too sensitive? is that the truth?”

“no!” he perks up to interject without hesitation, shaking his head. “but i don’t think that’s a bad thing anyway… being sensitive.”

but you admit being a crybaby. you cry when you’re angry.

that’s when jungkook distinguishes the glint of mischief swimming in your irises. he feels dizzy after having his heart drop to his stomach.

“no. no, no.”

his mirthful grin returns, revealing his perfect set of teeth.

“ahh, i’m stressed!” he closes his eyes, throwing his head back, chest puffing up when he breathes in then out. “i knew it. no, i’m not falling for this trap!”

then he flees the room carrying the laundry basket, leaving you doubled over and covering your mouth to silence your giggles of amusement.

“i’m hanging the laundry now!”

“how dare you walk away from me?!”

“you can’t follow me!”

“i’m not.” you scoff, purposely bumping your hips against his. “i’ll vacuum the living room.”

—

“where are you going? gym?” you genuinely begin to sulk, watching your boyfriend slide into a baggy pair of bleached denim pants. “are you leaving me here?”

he avoids your inquiring eyes, ignoring you as he pulls up his zipper and does the button. you pout when he walks further away to pull out a black shirt from the clothing rack.

“is that it? are you tired of me already?”

he tosses its hanger in the basket where you discard the empty ones before wearing the final piece of clothing, covering himself fully for the first time today.

you sigh, feeling dejected. “you don’t love me anymore?”

and jungkook needs to physically restrain himself so he won’t grab your face and say ‘i love you’ over and over again until he runs out of breath.

you leave the closet to follow him to the bedroom, where he sits on the edge of the mattress to put on his socks.

you stand by him, patience quickly running thin. “hello?”

he brushes away the non-existent dirt on the left sock before switching his legs to put on the right one.

“did i turn invisible?”

your eyebrows furrow in disappointment. this isn’t how fighting works. you need a reaction at the very least.

you tug at the sleeve of his shirt, starting to get annoyed, already planning your exit if he continues this act. “you’re hurting my feelings. you’re not even going to look at me?”

he mumbles, and you almost fail to piece his phrase together. “can’t, you’re too pretty.”

his big brown eyes faintly glimmer with hope when he looks up at you, puckering his rose-tinted lips and making kissing sounds.

your sweet and clingy boyfriend, he’s making this too difficult.

a tsunami of affection washes over you, and it becomes impossible for you not to crack at his cheekiness then. “jungkook, you’re impossible!”

atleast he tried to shoot his shot.

“tsk, see? i thought so!” he grumbles, snapping the elastic band on his ankle. “just want one kiss.”

he disappears into the closet again.

he returns not a minute later, unceremoniously placing a white bucket hat on your head before tugging it down to obstruct your vision.

“hey!”

you hastily take it off, scowling at your laughing boyfriend who turns out to be already wearing a black bucket hat of his own.

“you’re bored, aren’t you? let’s go out, have some sun.”

“no.”

you reply exactly as your boyfriend predicted you would.

jungkook captures your wrist to slip his credit card on your palm, folding your fingers over it, but they aren’t enough to hide the black rectangular thing you can use to buy the world with if you wanted to. your amusement spills out as giggles, brighter as he pushes your hand to your chest so you have no other choice but to accept it.

he scrunches his nose, face only inches away from yours as he persuades you with his natural charm. “what if we go shopping, hmm?”

“thanks babe, but i can’t think of anything i want right now.” you sniffle with teary eyes, flipping the card and holding it between your longest fingers as muscle memory takes control.

“then just keep it incase you see something you want.”

he kneels on the floor out of the blue, and you eye him curiously, your fingers automatically tangling with his silky locks before making a loose fist.

“here, put some pants on. hurry-” he presents your pair of faded gray cargo pants.

you tug at his hair lightly, which prompts him to lift his head. you scrunch your nose cutely, giggling. “i’m spoiled.”

“ey, so what if you are?” he brushes off your observation with his satoori accent, blithe tone listing down reasons. “i love you. i worked hard so i can do these things for you. we moved in together so we can take care of each other.”

and you want to cry. you truly do. your face began to feel warm after he said that he loves you, but the tears never make it past your lash line when his big palm lands a loud smack on your ass, skin-to skin.

“but i do think that you are a brat. does that count for something?”

it catches you by surprise, and a scandalized gasp escapes your mouth as you feel the sting spreading across your skin.

“shut up! give that to me.” you roll your eyes, stealing the pants from his grasp.

“see, that’s what i’m talking about.” he chuckles lightheartedly. “get dressed then.”

his fingers dig in the soft flesh of your thighs when he pulls you closer to kiss the tiny little ribbon on your underwear, heart-shaped lips pressed to you so firmly you can trace their outline bleeding through the thin fabric and onto your skin. “mmm-mwah!”

and then you feel them there next, where it still hurts, a softer kiss in comparison to soothe the sting he left behind.

your heart is beating so loud you can feel it in your throat, feeble knees nearly giving away to crash and break.

who does that so casually? who the hell does that?

oh, right… jungkook. of course.

you raise the white flag today.

perhaps he will flood the apartment tomorrow, and you can stay angry longer then.

—

“what’s taking him so long?” you mutter absentmindedly to yourself, lost eyes scanning the park in hopes of getting a glimpse of your boyfriend and his classic jungkook outfit, but he’s still nowhere to be seen.

your sour mood makes a reappearance.

to your credit, taking you out and then asking you to wait here without telling you where he’s going is rude, and you’re lonely and jealous of the couples around you having a picnic. not to mention that the clouds have uncovered the sun and you’re burning.

this scene also leads your brain to wander to those cliche flashbacks in a film or a show where a parent lies to their child that they’ll come back, and then they doesn’t. it’s always, always at some sort of park.

oh, for fuck’s sake, why are you wasting your time giving this a lot of thought?

too bored and antsy to sit still, you finally decide to text jungkook.

to: my baby love

i'm gonna look for food. do you want anything?

orrr is that what you're away buying 😥

WHERE ARE YOU

why didn't you just take me with youuuu

?

please me lonely :(

[sent 1 photo]

a black cat !! is sleeping on my shoes!! 😭

i miss you :(

are you almost done

i hate u

whatever i'm going. call if you still remember that you're someone's bf i guess.

—

jungkook crosses the street like an excited puppy, long pretty hair bouncing as he practically skips his way to the area where he left you to wait.

only to be greeted by a complete stranger.

his radiant beam fades into a hue of confusion.

the bench is now occupied by a woman chugging an energy drink after running laps around the park.

they lock eyes for a split second. he averts his befuddled stare to pretend that nothing happened, walking past her with a bouquet of sunflowers until he settles down two benches away.

he wears his bucket hat again only for him to throw it aside with a sigh, messing with his hair to release his frustration. of course you left. he can only snort to himself while he reads the last message you sent. you’re so cute. he knows you’ve never been keen on having to wait, but he didn’t expect himself to take so long either.

not wanting you to be upset with him another second longer, he instantly decides to call you.

his forehead creases when his phone vibrates, informing him that he typed an incorrect password. he tries again, slow and deliberate, only for the same thing to happen, and he begins to feel nervous.

what the fuck?

okay, calm down, JK. one more time.

he freezes as the same words flash on the screen. his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he feels the irritation bubbling up inside of him.

“why is it like this…? what’s your problem? what am i touching wrong?”

—

you return to the park more carefree than before. since jungkook is god knows where, you decided to have a picnic on your own. you had to buy a new picnic blanket, though. you can’t get the one in the car because he has the key. but just to be petty, you hope that he figured it out from the text notifications he got when you used his card.

oh, there he is looking angrily at his phone.

you halt on your tracks, instantly pulling the brakes on your feet when you recognize your boyfriend from your peripheral vision. you slowly chew the remaining tteokbokki in your mouth.

he’s holding his phone… and he hasn’t called you yet?

“wow, did you seriously forgot about me?”

upon hearing your familiar voice, jungkook’s features soften, not having to squint at the sunlight either because you’ve kindly blocked it with your back.

“where did you even go? i didn’t see you!”

the password-protected device that’s been giving him a headache for the past ten minutes is abandoned in the depths of his pocket.

“baby,” he utters airily as he stands on his feet, reaching out to hold your forearm. “i’m sorry. i took so long, didn’t i…? i went to buy you flowers but they didn’t have tulips anywhere. anywhere. every shop said someone bought all of them!”

he scratches his head with a sheepish grin, revealing the bouquet he’s been concealing behind him.

“i got you sunflowers instead… they-” he points at them, eyes flickering on the bundle of yellow flowers he’s offering as a gift. “they’re not bad. i think they’re pretty too. you like them too, right?”

sunflowers are pretty. after all, it used to be your favorite in middle school, mostly because it’s the first flower you received from an admirer… it was for your birthday and you felt like you died when it withered, heavily on-brand for a young heart drawn to romance. excluding that, everything has changed. it’s a typical saturday and beads of sweat have formed on your lover’s forehead after running around under the sun. you think you can keep them alive longer this time around.

“i like you the most.”

and then he receives his gift in return, that particularly sweet smile of yours he only sees when you’re so giddy.

his heart flutters wildly at your following actions.

“kiss.” you adorably demand, copying his pout earlier when he was asking for a kiss.

but unlike you who left his wish ungranted, he crosses the distance to plant a kiss on your lips. he pulls away a mere three inches, muttering to confront you. “but i thought you hated me?”

“who said that? that wasn’t me.” you feign ignorance, eyes so wide as to mimic being confused. you carefully take the flowers into your embrace, subtly exchanging it with the paper bowl you’re holding. “thank you, baby… here, do you want tteokbokki?”

he goes for the fish cake first, poking it with the stick and popping it in his mouth. you find yourself too absorbed in admiring the sunflowers one by one to sense your boyfriend staring at you, thinking to himself, you’re always worth the effort and this overpriced tteokbokki is pretty damn good.

“i turned on my location like i promised i would. did you see?” you mention without looking at him, acting laidback, still too shy when anything related to the incident is brought up.

he awkwardly smiles. no, he didn’t, unfortunately. he’s still fucking locked out of his phone.

you whimper when he pinches your cheek. “good job, baby.”

—

jungkook removes his head on your stomach to lie down beside you on the red picnic blanket. his hair touches his face and he tucks them behind his ears for the millionth time today.

“will you type my password for me?”

you take his phone without question, putting yours over your chest for the meantime. you successfully unlock it within a second, experienced fingers nimble after years of typing on the daily.

“here.” you hold it out for him without looking, picking up your own phone to continue scrolling through trending topics. however, seconds pass and the heavy weight on your hand has yet to be eased, so you wiggle it to catch his attention. “hey, it’s done.”

he gasps, gaping at you in bewilderment. “how did you do that?”

“you changed it again last night, remember? because i told you our anniversary isn’t a good idea.”

shit, right. he added a new one to the list of passwords that he uses for everything. he totally forgot about that. you’ve taken over every working brain cell that he has in his body.

“baby, this is your fault!” he groans, finally snatching away his phone. “ah- i wanted to throw it away. i didn’t know what was wrong with it. i was seriously so close to crying!”

that bad? was he about to get all his data wiped out? your poor baby. you laugh out loud at his reaction, belly aching as you roll over to wrap your arm around his waist and bury your face on his side.

“anyone can guess it if they try hard enough.”

“but that was the trick, you know? they’d think it’s too easy. they wouldn’t even consider it!”

“that doesn’t mean they won’t try it!”

“ah, i don’t care. i’m changing it back.” he stubbornly pouts, falling back on the blanket.

you want to cuddle. he feels a tug on the sleeve of his shirt and he immediately understands. he allows you to use his tattooed arm as a pillow. it envelopes you entirely when he reaches for his phone to type with both hands, and you automatically snuggle with him closer by resting your head on his chest.

“fine. do what you want, you dummy. you better not leave your phone lying around.” you mutter, heavy eyelids fluttering shut as the wind blows to softly caress your face. “and don’t take more pictures of me sleeping.”

“you’re sleeping? i thought we’re going to the mall.”

“we are. i’m letting you rest before you carry shopping bags.”

“ah- wow. thanks, baby.”

you don’t how much time passes, a minute or ten or more, but falling into a deep sleep proves to be impossible with the cacophony of sounds you’re surrounded with. you’re resting somewhere away from the crowd, but there’s still the hiphop music from a bluetooth speaker, honking of vehicles… and the main culprit, jeon jungkook scrolling through tiktok on your phone and bookmarking videos for you to watch later on. you can hear his giggles louder than his heartbeat, feel them make his body vibrate throughout.

so, you give up. you open your blurry eyes with a tired sigh, blinking to readjust to the brightness. he feels your movements, your nose brushing against his neck, and he squeezes you to his side, dutifully stroking your head to remind you that you’re safe despite being in a public place because you’re with him. you kiss his cheek to show your appreciation.

you end up harmonizing with his giggles when you do decide to join him, nearly tearing up at the sight of a cat riding a motorcycle toy on the screen. a little while later, your fascination is then stolen by fiddling with his tattooed hand — tracing the veins, the lines, the tattoos; pressing the faded heart like it’s a button connected to the beating one in his ribcage; grazing the rough areas of his palm calloused by lifting heavy weights.

and as you do so, you mull over the house by the sea you’re saving up for. how much longer will it take? should you check out more locations? do you tell jungkook? that it’s your back-up plan, a place where no one knows your name, just like how this city once was. it’s where you would run to, where you would build a new life if the time comes that this one falls apart, too. if not, if not, if not, would it be so bad to wake up beside you with an ocean view when he’s sixty?

fuck, you don’t know anymore. it shouldn’t be this hard— not anticipating the worst, but still being prepared for it. you despise being an adult.

you do it absentmindedly, taking off one of your silver rings and slipping it into each of his fingers to see where it would fit best… he knows you’re only entertaining yourself, but feeling it in his ring finger still puts a lump in his throat.

“are you proposing to me?”

“this is your right hand, silly.” you tease your stunned boyfriend, sticking your tongue out. “if you want me, come and get me.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[salaciousdoll]

꒷︶ ̇ ̟ ෆ ‿︵‿ The Salacious Exploits ‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ︶꒷

•┈୨Chapter I୧┈•

•┈୨please be advised to the warning before continuing୧┈•: first part is memory from childhood and high school, second is college au, hyper-feminine!reader, Bimbo/ditzy reader, chubby and black reader in mind, Fem reader, angst, sexual things implied, Strict Levi for a reason, strict Nanami, reader gets into a lot on her first day, false reality of boarding school on purpose, Private College au!, DARK CONTENT, Reader daddy issues is high in this chapter, reader hates her father and some parts of her mother, divorced parents, people around reader doing drugs to ease their pain/ ed in your past, self indulgent, the professors are pervs and so is the reader, taboo, professor Choso getting head but not from a student unlike the mention of Gojo getting head from a student, reader walking in on him, can you all guess who’s your first class teacher is( hint is the next chapter), reader is hyper sexual, masturbation mentioned, Art professor!Choso, Statistics professor!Nanami, Sociology professor!Levi, Maki and Mikasa are friends because I said so, sasha, todo, and Connie are friends( Jean too), Eren is sneaky/ smooth, let me know what I miss. Wc: 7k

ﾟ•┈୨ Song for this Chapter୧┈•ﾟ｡: Boarding School- Lana Del Rey

ෆ ‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•ﾟNote from salaciousdoll: I hope you all have fun reading this and just know this is the beginning and it’s only going to get more worst and better at the same time.

Masterlist taglist next chapter

Four years ago, you were in boarding school, the worst boarding school but the richest one in your city. You were with nothing but snotty kids who lived off their friends' applauses and family’s money inheritance. It was fun but traumatizing. You hated your dad for sending you there all because you did, in his words, the unforgivable. It was nothing except just breaking into the Base stadium where concerts, big football and baseball games were held for your city teams. Teams that weren’t that good in your opinion, but you don’t know shit about sports to give an opinion about it.

Boarding school was an experience no teenager should experience unless they can’t function at a public high school or just plain crazy. You hated how you couldn’t wear anything you wanted, hated the ugly and stupid uniform— wanting to puke every time you saw the bad blue-green combo plaid skirt, which was long and that definitely wasn't to your taste. You hated the kids turning their nose and mouths up at you whenever you passed by all because you were rich with a different skin complexion than they had, a combo they acted like is out of this world. You missed your friends, the fun life you had, and the parties they used to throw— now you can’t do any of that. Bummer!

This school was filled with girls who slept with each other boyfriends, boys who prey on their next victim for who knows what, and finally the teachers having affairs with other teachers. Fucking horrible. If you said last year that the dad who loved you before the age of 5 would send you to a school like this— you would laugh. Laugh real hard because you’ll wonder where the hate comes from. Your dad loved you when you were the ages before 5. Then at 17? Now in your 20s? Not so much.

You could guess it started when he started seeing other women in the open relationship your parents decided to have. Ever since that agreement he has acted as if you don’t exist, only gives you money and when he does, it’s through your mother. If you needed cash, she’d hand it to you from his hands. If you need his black card money then he’ll send the money to her card, Cash App, Zelle, PayPal, etc.

The day you saw your father give his love that was supposed to be for you to another woman’s daughter everything cracked around you like the world was made of glass. Everything was made of glass around you and on that day, the glass burst and cracked around you with a domino effect to it— starting with your glass heart. You were 17 seeing your father smile and laugh with another teenage girl. A girl who had different everything to you, you pieced together that this was his ideal daughter. The daughter he always wanted, the graceful daughter, goody two-shoes daughter, the daughter who just looks so much more professional and classy than you. Feeling a warm pool build up in your eyes was enough for you to hate him and her, hell the entire family.

You thought that going over to him and saying his assigned name since your birth would make him realize that he’s done you wrong. Oh how wrong you were, the feeling of betrayal and hurt was around you four as you stared your father in the eyes with a vicious glare— matching his energy. It almost looks like he wanted to kill you because of you calling his name like that. He was with the family he always wanted and yet here you were. A disgrace to his reputation. Madness was lurking over his shoulder as you kept calling him “ dad”. After the tenth “ dad” he snapped— yanking your arm to drag you away. After finally getting away from their ear shot he angrily stated the words of “ What did I do to you and your mother to deserve unhappiness.” He gripped your arm even more harshly through rough, hot tears. “ You two make me sick. She makes me sick.”

Your father dropped your arm like he was touching a garbage truck full of garbage. He looked you in your beady tear-filled eyes. “ You.” The pause after that was long and flowing through the summer breeze. You wanted it to stay long because the next words that utter out of his mouth broke you mentally and emotionally. “ You make me sick. Hate how I’ve grown to hate my own daughter, my only daughter but you caused this. Your mother caused this. I’m not happy.” The repetition of the last sentence through his broken voice was enough for you to walk away from the crying man-child of a father you once knew. You remember walking past the same teenager with her mother laughing and smiling as they showed each other videos on their phones. Shit! the longer you look the more you see what he’s talking about. Because they’re happy and healthy, they make him feel happy and healthy as well.

That moment was the moment you started to get into more trouble. Throwing parties on boarding school campuses, watching the girls and boys do drugs with a spoon and lighter to stop their food cravings knowing full and well their anger for themselves were going to eventually come back on you since they didn’t want to be “huge like you”, watching student and teachers do coke lines to past by time of torture, watching the senior boys chase after the younger classes, you were included multiple times— turned down every last one of them with a quickness. You wanted your teacher. Too bad he left before you tried to seduce him. Afterwards, You started watching the teachers fuck in the spots they never knew you knew of— enjoying it a little too much as your hand traveled south as you watched. You wanted attention to thrive off, so you made a value to yourself on becoming the popular girl of your city boarding school. Man did you have the time of your life there— in misery and gold.

You thought that going to a 4- year public university was great for you. It was, for the first two years. You were glad that you could start over there because nobody knew of the boarding school you mentioned when they asked about your old life. A clean slate was good for you especially in a college as big as this one. The classes were more big and diverse than any school you went to. You were so glad that you picked this Marley tech university because you got more friends with different ethnic backgrounds and the same ethnic backgrounds as you. You didn’t stick out like a pretty pink thumb, you fit more in where you were. Taking classes with all of your friends and getting into the fashion designing major you promised yourself to take when you were in high school was everything you wanted.

It was suddenly swept away from you like a tablecloth with dishes stacked on top of it accompanied by the angry couple arguing about who’s in the wrong. Your mother was to blame. She wanted you close to her because you're the last person she had as family since your dad divorced her and completely cut her off for the same woman you saw with the girl that brought your father happiness. After he did that, you cut off anything concerning him— using your mother’s money and sugar daddies you met online or out with friends to get you by in school. You hated working for yourself because doing anything that chipped your nails was annoying and honestly jobs are overrated, you wished that the world was free.

You didn’t even know how your father was living and honestly you hoped he perished alone and alone only. He hurt you but hurt your mother even worse. She now had stress building up and the fear of abandonment is heightened more than ever so that’s why you had no choice but to agree with her sending you to the Private college near her so she feels more comfortable. No worrying, no stress but what about your happiness? Are you ever going to get that? Happiness shouldn’t be hard to achieve and sadness shouldn’t be easy to achieve either.

You thought back to your childhood and recent decisions— soon feeling your eyes get glossy. You hurried and fanned yourself to stop the tears running down your face in your pink hello kitty mirror you held in your hands. Muttering to yourself as you close your hand mirror with a snap, “ Can’t afford to look like a Billie Elilish single on my first day at this rich ass private school.” Your driver gave you a nod in the mirror when you locked eyes with him, “ You look amazing, little l/n. Have an amazing first day back and at a new school. Do you want me to pick you up or bring your car to park it in the parking lot, ready for you after classes?” You were so glad for Timothy, your father's maid/ business partner. He always looked after you like your father should have. You were forever grateful for this kind man.

You rubbed your glossy lips together, releasing them with a satisfying pop, “ Just bring my car, Tim. I will try to have a good day today and tell my mother to take an ibuprofen for her headache. She was worrying too much about my first day of school and boom, a headache.”

Tim smiled at you and nodded his head to your task you assigned him to do. He watched you get out of the car and stare at the school in front of you. The school wasn’t big, it just looked old money looking. What a bummer! As you walked past the entrance gate with your light-pink Medusa Versace heels and pretty white leg warmers covering the top straps of your heels. Your outfit was fall ready just in pink. The more you walked in, the more you wanted to turn back to your freedom, your happiness, your peace, meaning wanting to go back to your other college. This was even worse than boarding and public school because nobody dressed like you. They all were dark and neutral colors like ewww, “ don’t they have a sense of fashion anywhere here?” You hadn’t realized you muttered that out loud until you heard a gasp next to you.

Locking eyes with brown eyes startled you as you dropped some of your books on the ground. The person laughed and held up a hand to stop you from picking up your books, “ I got it, didn’t know you were clumsy.” When he got up you just now noticed his pink hair sprouting out on top of his head, “ I’m Yuji itad-”. A voice interrupted his introduction, a bone crushing interruption really, you came to that conclusion from the side hug the white haired man gave him , “ Itadori, you know you’re not supposed to be on this side of the campus.” His deep voice has a sing-song tone to it as he stared at the side of the boy’s face with black shades on his head and a pencil behind his ear. “ I should write you up, but I don’t feel like following the rules just now, keep this between us. I, also, know Fushiguro is here to get the house keys from his lousy father, so it’s best you go now. Feeling generous enough to let you go. I’ll even pretend you weren’t here and let you leave in 10..9..8”

Once he stopped counting you realized that this must be a rule at this college for underclassmen to not be on the same campus as the upperclassmen and you also realized that the boy named Itadori didn’t let him get to 7 before speeding off to walk to a spiky dark-haired boy who was walking ahead ignoring the two conversation just a minute ago. You were about to walk until he spoke again, “ You must be the new student, { reader}, what a beau- beautiful view here at this school. You would enjoy the views from classrooms. My name is professor Gojo, it’s gonna be an interesting year for you so hope you make the best of it… I’ll take you to the head of the school’s office to let you get situated. You should’ve enrolled in your classes over this summer, so all you need to do is to get your books you need and all that other school stuff you kids need now- a- days.”

You tilted your head at what he was trying to say in his first sentence and raised an eyebrow at his explanation and from what you see and hear as a first impression— he seems laid back, the laid back teacher or coach you always fall head first for so you’re gonna stay away from him and pray you don’t have a class with him.

The entire walk to the principal office was annoying and nerve wrecking. Nerve wracking because he was so tall, handsome, and down to earth. Granted you weren’t short but damn he had to be about 6’6 or something. Then he’s talking to all the students and teachers you both passed by, the same students and teachers watched you two walk past with curious eyes wondering who’s the new girl with their favorite coach. The key reason they knew you were new is because this is a private school where everyone knew everyone’s face even the teachers knew who everyone was by name and face. They had two campuses though, one for underclassmen and one for the upperclassmen, that’s all you paid attention to as you now stood in front of a black wooden door with a big glass to let you see inside of the organized office.

You were genuinely confused that they even had a head office at this school because that’s not normal in public colleges, you barely even saw the head of the school, so this is another thing that’s different. Coach Gojo knocked on the door before placing his large veined hand on the door from behind your frame since he was standing behind you, you didn’t realize he was this close since you were inside of La La land in your head, so in response, goosebumps formed on your skin and you tried to be subliminal with your shiver, but he noticed and almost wanted to let out a low chuckle. The head of the school answered the door with a low, “ Satoru, what now? A kid walked out of your lesson again because of the jo-” he stopped his sentence once he saw your pretty eyes staring at him in curiosity of what he was about to say. There was a story behind your eyes and he could tell off first glance in them.

He then looked back at Gojo, who was now wearing a smug smirk on his face because he knew Yaga was captured by your unique aura. He was going to figure you out in a week like he always does his student. On the other hand, Gojo was now standing on the side of you— his eyes didn’t mean to travel down, but the pink off-shoulder knitted cardigan was outlining your chest perfectly and your thighs were perfect with that skirt you had on. He cleared his throat with a hand swiping over his face because he shouldn’t be looking at another student like that when he already had one in his coaching office, just previously giving him head before she had to go to his psychology class. This college was great for academics but fucked up for morals, you’ll soon find out.

“ Yes please wait here and I’ll give you the things you need while I show you around the school. I got it from here Satoru.”, Yaga says, still not taking his eyes off you but you didn’t know it. He had on dark ass sunglasses so who would see how much he’s staring at you.

Gojo clicked his tongue and held up his finger, “ You can’t because Yeager is on his way to give her the school tour after their first class together.” Yaga wanted to strangle him from his facial expression alone because he truly wanted to know why he was so smug right now. Yaga nodded before allowing you to pass through by stepping aside, “ Come in and I’ll speak with you about the rules and such before he gets here.” You were definitely in for a long time here because the rules were long and boring. This was not at all like a public university because you could do anything just don’t let the RA catch you. Here at Kaizen Maria, you could be caught with a snap of a finger because it’s a small school and not too many people disobey the rules oddly enough. You tried to follow along after he mentioned no parties on campus, but it’s like once you heard that you zoned out because what the hell can you do now.

The Head of the school cleared his throat, “ Repeat the last thi-” you were so glad he was interrupted by a loud knock. He answered it with a come in and a tall brunette with long brown hair in the middle part and emerald-jade eyes walked in. The muscles in his arms stuck out to you so much because all he did was reach to close the door behind himself. He had a lean body and boy was he eye candy but not what you needed, just what you wanted. “ Sir. I was sent here by Mr. Ackerman to guide her to his class.”

Yaga sighed and motioned to you sitting there with your arms holding onto your pink notebooks and binder tightly with one pink led pencil and pen with pink furry ball in your hand, “ We’re all down here so if you will kindly get her to his class on time, she already missed her first class by being here with me.” Eren eyed you with something you could not place or far too dumb to place.

He held out his hand and you thought it was for your hand, so you latched your hand on top of his. He chuckled prior to shaking his head no, “ Your books, let me carry them for you while I guide you through the school on the way to class.” You let out a small laugh whilst handing him your books, “ I apologize then. Lead the way—”

He could tell you were trying to figure out what his name was from the way your eyes squinted, “ Eren. Just call me Eren.” You nodded as you two ventured out the building, walking to the building across from it. Sociology in the morning should be a sin, yet you’ll digress.

You two walked in silence until he spoke up, “ how do you like it here so far and you are really beautiful and your outfit is very cute but you’re a bit overdressed.” He ended his sentence with a light chuckle. You smiled at him, “ Didn’t even know everyone dressed so damn boring but thank you, Eren.” As you two continued to walk, you looked around to see bulletin boards filled with tryouts for sports or clubs. Looked around to see some students still walking to class. Not noticing how wide Eren eyes got after writing something with your pen. You didn’t see him do it because you were too busy looking around.

His mouth opened and closed because he was so surprised to hear you insult him and everyone else at the school; at the same time it was funny to him because you’re right. “ I wouldn’t say that in front of everyone else if I was you, wouldn’t want to piss off people on your first day, wouldn’t ya’?” You nodded your head and pointed your pink manicured finger at him in a “ You’re right” way as you two made it to the little classroom your sociology class was at. You watched Eren open up the door for you to walk in and when you did you were surprised to see that the class already started causing your anxiety to spike through the building.

“ Glad to see you finally made it, Yeager and- who are you?”, A deep voice says on your side. Once your head turned, you lowered your eyes to a short man standing near the podium. He had a short cut parted in the middle, clear subscription glasses on his head, and a black tailored suit with the suit jacket long gone— now he was in a white button up shirt that hugged his medium size chest. Your eyes traveled up and down his body without knowing that he was waiting on you to answer his question. He’s gonna have fun disciplining you.

“ Hey! I asked you a question, so I expect an answer. Who are you?”, the man repeated with anger in his voice. You jumped and cleared your voice, “ My name is y/n l/n, professor—” You looked down at your paper where his name was and looked back at him with a big smile on your face, “ Ackerman.” Levi stared at you longer than he planned because of the way your tits bounced when you rocked your body back and forth due to anxiety creeping up your back the longer the silence and stares got.

Levi pointed to the seat in the middle of two pretty girls, “ Sit there and be quiet, you interrupt you’re staying after for 10 minutes and I don’t give a damn about how late you are to whatever you do after class. Understood brat?.” You frowned while nodding your head at that because is that even allowed? What if you have something urgent to get to? I guess he just said fuck your plans. You then turned to walk your way to your seat with eyes watching you all over. Once you got to the row the two women were at, you whispered a low “excuse me” as you squeezed past the one with green eyes and short hair in a pixie cut.

When you finally sat down you noticed that both of them had their hair in a pixie cut hairstyle, just one with gray eyes and one with green eyes and glasses around her eyes. Both looked at you as you sat your pink water bottle covered in strawberry shortcake or hello kitty stickers sitting next to your pink notebooks and pens.

Mikasa stared at the side of your head as your eyes focused on Levi teaching the class about racial injustices and other things concerning sociology. You paid attention to the way he spoke with his clean little hands and the way he gutted into someone who’s not paying attention. Maki tapped your shoulder, “ Hey, I’m Maki, that one on the other side is Mikasa, she doesn’t talk much because she’s too afraid of professor Ackerman.”

You raised your eyebrow and turned to look at Mikasa who had a resting bitch face. You were about to speak to her but she spoke before you, “ Don’t listen to her if you know what’s good for you. Nobody is scared of the tiny elf of a man, if anything I want to step on him for assigning this much work for us.” You giggled and in reality of that it made them smile and caused the lecturing to stop, “ Let’s hear the joke, you three. Make us all laugh since you shitheads decided to interrupt my lecture…”

You three looked at each other prior to looking back at him, you spoke up instead, “ Sir, we weren’t laughing, just introducing ourselves that’s all. So sorry for the interruption, please don’t let us stay after for 10 minutes.” Levi scoffed, “ Did I say I was going to make you all stay, just for that, you’ll be the only one staying. Now interrupt my lesson again and I’ll make sure you all are banned from my class the rest of the week.” The gasp that left your mouth was loud and you thought that Levi was about to fault you for that, but he stated back teaching again.

You sat back in your seat with your arms crossed the entire lesson. You hated this class and wanted out. Didn’t have any motivation to pay attention because of his words. You were supposed to write stuff down— and you didn’t because you were highly upset. Once you have an attitude you didn’t have the energy to pull through anything. You hated that feeling and it was all because of that short old man.

Once class finished, students listened to what he had to say and you didn’t. “ read and annotate the syllabus carefully, I will be quizzing you all on that particular syllabus. Friendly reminder to read and annotate your sociology text book you were supposed to buy before stepping foot in my class. If you don’t have one, then I suggest you get one because I will be asking questions on that as well. Class is dismissed. Go be shitheads somewhere else.” Levi then stared at you staring off into space, he turned before a small smirk was plastered on his face, “ {reader}, get down here and explain why you were interrupting my class.”

You almost wanted to stomp your heels, almost. In reality, you quietly gathered your stuff and seen two sticky notes on your binder. One with notes and one with names/phone numbers from Maki and Mikasa. You will have to thank them after class, this was so nice of them. As you made your way to him another teacher into the door, two actually. One with square glasses and a bright smile on their face and one with hair covering his eyes and a goatee that suited his face. “ Leviiiiiii, guess what?”, The person with the glasses yelled out as they strolled to his desk.

He didn’t even flinch at how loud they were because his eyes stayed on you the entire time and because he’s used to them. You, however, was someone could see right through and needed to know more about you. He’s seen your last name somewhere but where. He didn’t even notice that four eyes and beanpole stopped talking to him and watched you along side of him walk down the stairs carefully.

Hange hurried to you and held out their hands, “ Hello, you must be the new kid we were alerted about, it’s nice to meet you, I’m professor Zoe, your biology professor and this hunk over here is Professor Zacharias, the anthropology professor.” She held your hand like it was the most precious thing in the world, caressing the top of your hand as she held it. Strange behavior for a professor but you’re willing to push past it because they were fine as hell. Three fine people and they were your superiors, oh how you will love it here.

Miche had his eyes trained on you and so did Levi. Miche was taken back by your beauty, so when he grunted with a nod of his head when Hange introduce him, he couldn’t find the words so that was the last option. You were on cloud nine when you heard the gruffness of his grunt. You needed to pull it out of him when you are riding him.

Levi hit his hand on the table disrupting you staring back and forth between Hange and Miche, “ Hey! You didn’t explain and I don’t like waiting, so tell me what I want to know.” You huffed and held onto your books even tighter to your chest, ultimately pulling your boobs up even more causing Miche to turn and fix his pants, Levi was so glad that he wasn’t easily turned on like Miche and Erwin, who’s not here because of his class going on right now.

“ I didn’t even interrupt the class, I just wanted to clarify that we weren’t laughing because of your lecture, we were laughing because of our names and the way we introduced each other.”, You say while taking out a pink lollipop and putting it in your mouth. Could you be anymore seductive? Fuck. Levi scoffed and rounded the corner to sit on the edge of his desk with a come here motion of his finger. You were confused as you came near until he snatched your sucker out your mouth— your saliva detaching from your mouth and the sucker. Following after that, he grabbed a napkin and placed the sucker on the napkin, “ No eating in my class, second rule in the syllabus. Reasons why you and the rest of your class of heathens need to read them carefully. If I catch you eating in my class again, you’re banned for two weeks— only learning virtually. Do I make myself clear?”

You wanted to cry because why is he so uptight and how will you deal with the fact that you lost your last strawberry kiwi sucker, “ Yes sir. I understand.” Your eyes watered causing him to curse under his breathe. You hated how sensitive you were and your dad was to blame. You hated when men yelled at or scold you and anyone for that matter because you’re not yelling at them, so why are they yelling at you.

He was about to speak when you’re 10 minute alarm went off. You hurried and turned it off, “ Set it for ten minutes so that means I have to get to my next class in five minutes so please let me leave Mr.Ackerman.” He waved his hand as a dismissing motion and you hurried and walked past miche getting a swift of his cologne, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you took in his smell.

As you finally got out the door, they all looked at your sucker before Levi picked it up and gave it to Miche. Hange gasp, “ Him?!! Out of us two, him?!” Levi ignored her and turned his back to them to erase his writings on the board whilst Miche was smirking with your sucker in his mouth. Truth be told, your taste along with the taste of the sucker was everything to him. He’s going to talk to Erwin and Nile about this. On the other hand, levi wanted the sucker for himself, but he saw how miche and Hange was eyeing it. He was originally gonna give it to Hange— only if they would’ve never interrupted his time with you then he wouldn’t have given it to Miche.

You, on the other hand, was rushing to your next class passing by catcalls and shouts, you paid no attention until you were in the building, climbing up the stairs to your next class, statistics 116. You didn’t even pay attention to where you was walking and bump into a muscular back. Shaking your head to get rid of your dizziness creeping up your body to your head, you heard a voice talking to you.

“ Are you alright, bumped into me pretty hard. Surprise you didn’t fall.”, The deep voice said as he handed you your pencil that fell. You looked up and caught the eyes of sea blue and you were so mesmerized by them. He had blonde hair covering his forehead and a pretty smile on his face as he eyed you.

You cleared your throat and smiled at him, “ Yes, so sorry about that, I’m such a Clutz.” You blinked your eyelashes and smirked at him. You watched in satisfaction as his face grew red as the blood in your body. He could’ve been easy, but you didn’t like boys your age. So when your hand touched his as he gave your pen back, you held eye contact with him until it was interrupted by people making kissing noises.

You turned to the sound to see two people hugging themselves and making kissing noises with one guy standing there with a smirk on his faceand his arms crossed. One was a girl with brown hair, one with a gray buzz cut, and the other one with a tied up ponytail and a beauty mark on his eye enhancing his prettiness.

Armin was like a turtle to you, cute and shy. He waved his arms around and told them to stop in a whiny voice and it made you giggle because in your mind he was the perfect sub if you were a Dom. After some more taunting, the buff guy in a black tee introduced himself, “ I’m Aoi Todo, but you can call me whatever you want.” He grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips, planting a supple kiss on your soft hand. You smiled and introduced yourself to all of them. The other two named Sasha and Connie were a funny duo to be around. They loved cracking jokes, one of them even said you reminded them of a Sanrio character and they were gonna call you that from now on. You didn’t mind, it just means new friends.

You looked at the time as they all talked amongst each other and let out a gasp, “ I’m late. Real late.” Saying bye to them and walking two doors down was something out of a comedy movie especially when they followed you— whispering amount each other as they watched you walk. You were about to touch the door when your hand got a tiny slap on it from Todo. You raised your eyebrow before seeing him open up the door for you to walk in and as you did, you blew him a kiss— catching it with his hand over his heart with a red hue coloring across his nose was his response to your actions.

Nanami stopped teaching and looked at the group of people who walked in, “ You’re late. I somehow expected this from those three but you, Armin, I’m disappointed but glad you can make it. Please take a seat.” It’s like you wasn’t there for a second when he was scolding everyone else. When he looked over at you, he paused and caught himself by clearing his throat, “ And you must be the new student, { reader}, it’s a pleasure to have you but I must warn you about being late to my class. Take this syllabus and have a seat.” He pointed to the first row chair that was positioned in front of his desk.

His deep voice was going straight to your pussy and you couldn’t help it especially the way his cuffs on his shirt was rolled and the way his glasses sat on his face and the veins lacing his arms. Once you got closer to him to take the syllabus, you got hit with a whiff of his cologne and whisky type scent— your eyes closed in bliss prior to taking it out his hands and sitting down away from Armin and everyone else that you just met.

You wondered how the teachers knew their names and their personalities already if it’s the first day of school. It was weird because normally professors have a hard time remembering names, you’ll have to ask Armin or Eren after this, if you see them.

All throughout class the guy and girl sitting next to you was trying hard to focus on what professor Nanami was talking about, but they couldn’t stop sharing glances with each other, ultimately speaking with their eyes. Reiner was way louder with his thoughts then Annie was. Annie stared at the side of your head until you looked over at her and smiled. She thought your smile was beautiful and unique because not too many people around her even smile or smile at her period. It was throwing her in a loop, meanwhile Reiner was trying to get your attention by putting his arm on the back of your chair.

You would’ve noticed the gesture if you weren’t paying attention to your teacher explaining the difference to proportions with anticipating patterns. You barely managed to understand anything he was saying because the way that he looked back at the students whenever he wrote anything on the board was everything to you. His eyes were so beautiful to you— only could tell because his glasses were off his eyes and placed on his desk, giving you full access to his eyes whenever he turned and asked a question to students he thought weren't watching or listening. You had a small fear that he would be the teacher to pick on you and a part of you wouldn’t mind. Just don’t yell.

The way his hair giggled in the nonexistent wind as he wrote on the green board was beautiful to you. The golden hair that parted in the middle and the cheekbones pulled you in completely. He was a beauty and you needed him. He was magnetic in a way, you couldn’t stop staring at him and him only. He pulled you in and he may be the first crush at this school for you.

You were too caught up in your ditzy thoughts that you didn’t hear him dismiss the class. You were surprised at how long you were daydreaming and he didn’t notice. You thought you were Scott-free because you didn’t get called on or caught so you gathered your things and made your way past his desk he was sitting at. The way your last name rolled off his tongue shocked and aroused you. His voice was so deep and soothing, “ Miss {reader’s last name}, I can’t help you pass this class if you’re not focusing on the lessons. I know you’re new here so I’m gonna give you a pass, please don’t let it happen again.”

You took a deep gulp of your saliva and nodded your head, “ I understand sir, please forgive me.” He nodded his head and picked up a stack of paper with a sticky note on top of it. “ Please take this to Mr. Kamo. Tell him it’s very important from Mr.Gojo.” The grunt sigh he let out at professor Gojo's name was comical to you because you sense that he’s either annoyed by him or just doesn't like him. You had a feeling it was the first one especially from the way he pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

You slowly took the paper out of his hand and then bid him goodbye with a big smile on your face. Your big cheeks was heating up at the thought of his hand brushing against yours, sadly it didn’t— this time. You had no idea who Mr.Kamo was, so you asked around until a timid guy with black hair sprouting along his forehead gave you the directions and building he was in. Even gave you the room number too. After that encounter, you heard that his name was Yuta from his classmate calling him.

The walk to the art lecture hall was long because it was a block away. During that walk, you had your headphones in listening to your alternative playlist and you were loving the breeze on your face as you walked in your heels proudly. Your eyes wandered around you and you spotted a man in a suit with his hair in a half up and half down style— long hair flowing and a bun on his head. He was a gorgeous man walking out of the gym with a bag in his hand. His eyes were looking down to his phone and when he looked up they locked in on you immediately. You realized that he was staring right at you when you were walking past him. He couldn’t be a student, so he was a teacher but what teacher? If you didn’t have that class now in the fall, you’ll have it in the spring.

You thought if you locked eyes with him even longer than you did, you'd have to jump his bones, so when you passed him you averted your eyes to the building next to the gym about two spaces down. That was the building you had to go to and man was it big. You walked to the front door and were about to open it when a teacher- no security guard opened the door for you with a tight lip smirk on his face, “ Welcome, sweetheart.” His voice was fucking deep and soft at the same time, you didn’t even know that was possible but for the scar lip man, it was. You smiled at him and said thank you before walking off with your head filled with the scent of his cologne. He was a beautiful man with green eyes and black hair that dropped down his eyes— buff too. Strong enough to pick you up, so you are definitely counting on seeing him again.

When you finally got to the floor, you walked to the room number and softly knocked on the door. After a few seconds, there was no answer. You were about to leave it on the floor, but you decided to twist the knob instead and leave it on the desk. As soon as you opened the door, you heard soft moans and dick sucking noises from the back of the classroom. You hope they didn’t notice you, but he noticed you as soon as you opened the door. His low and hungry eyes were placed on you as the woman he told to come to his class was giving him head.

You tried so desperately to not get wet at the sounds of his low moans and whines she pulled from him when her mouth was working his cock like it was her last and final drink. The slurping got louder as you walked to the desk with your one headphone piece in and the other one out. You were so glad they could possibly see the right headphone piece in your ear, would save you more from embarrassment. You set the papers on the desk in the dark room with only the projector still on and made your way out the door until you heard a deep voice say thank you. You stopped and turned to him like a dumbass knowing what he was doing.

Your voice came out calm and collected, “ You’re very welcome, sir. Have a nice day.” You smiled prior to power walking out of the classroom and building. You didn’t know who he was getting head from and you should’ve had a different reaction but this school looked fishy as soon as you stepped on the lawn and plus the false advertisement the website has is enough to make anyone turn it down but you and your mother were too dumb and naive to realize, your mother just wanted you near her. Though you couldn’t see Mr.Kamo face properly, yet you knew he was fine just from his moans and voice. On your way to your car to go home, you noticed a small sticker with a phone number on it and Eren’s name on top of it. You were surprised to see it because when the hell did he have time to do this. You most likely wasn’t paying attention when he did it because you were too busy looking around the school when you two walked to your first, well second class today. You did not like calling men first but you’ll excuse this because you had a feeling you were going to love that call. Just like you are going to love this school.

Tagging: @chosoist @happygoluckyalexis @mastermindenoshimaalicia @emomanswhore @neesieiumz @simpingfor-wakasa @nutheadgeenat @honeybleed @angelshub

ﾟ•┈© all right reserved to salaciousdoll, she does not give permission to steal, plagiarize, and translate.

[elix8r]

Rare and Pure (cbg) - Teaser

FULL FIC HERE

PAIRING: choi beomgyu x fem!reader

GENRES: smut, angst, werewolf au, childhood friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers, accidental lovers?

TEASER WC: 0.35k idk how long this is going to be i'm already at 7k and have not gotten to the meat of anything :):):):):)

SUMMARY: Choi Yeonjun was the love of your life, the one you were unequivocally sure the Moon Goddess had chosen for you. His younger brother, Beomgyu, on the other hand, didn't even register on your radar as mate material. But fate, as it often does, had other plans. One night was all it took for your entire life to flip around as you found yourself accidentally mated to your childhood friend. Now, you're left grappling with the emotional wreckage of it all as you are not only struggling to feel the unbreakable connection that mates are supposed to share with Beomgyu, but you're also dealing with the harsh reality that your dreams of forever with Yeonjun will never come to fruition. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's forcing you to reevaluate your very sense of self.

Your wolf clearly had some serious explaining to do.

"Fuck! What the hell did we just do?" you screamed at him, hastily pulling up your pants and bolting out of the stall. Beomgyu followed, his words stuttering in his panic. "I-I don't know, shit!"

You dashed to the mirror, inspecting your neck, and what you saw made your heart sink. The bite was deep, and you could make out every detail of his teeth. A trickle of blood ran down your shoulder, and you winced in pain as you carefully traced the mark. Turning around, you pulled his shirt to the side to examine his neck, finding an almost identical bite mark, mirroring your own. There was no denying that the two of you had permanently claimed each other.

Panic was overwhelming, and the alcohol only added to the haze that clouded your thoughts. You rushed out of the bathroom with Beomgyu hot on your heels, shouting your name as you weaved your way through the growing mass of dancing bodies, which seemed to have multiplied in the last hour.

Your desperate attempt to reach the front door came to an abrupt halt when you accidentally collided with the last thing you needed to see tonight. Before you could turn and find another route, you found yourself facing the one scene that would shatter your already fragile state.

Yeonjun and Yunjin were passionately entwined on the dance floor, their lips locked in a heated kiss. Before you could react, they both noticed your distressed presence. "Y/N?" Yunjin called out.

Overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotions and events, you couldn't fully deduce on how to react, and you felt your eyes burning as tears blurred your vision. Beomgyu had finally caught up to you, but his arrival only served to intensify the situation. Yeonjun, with his keen senses, quickly picked up on the extremely potent mix of your and Beomgyu's scents that wafted in the air, which were a telltale sign of what the two of you had been up to. His eyes zeroed in on the glaringly obvious marks adorning your bodies, and it didn't take long for all hell to break loose.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: ya'll know i love a good one night stand to lovers and making it werewolf au phew i'm so down for this plot lmao but honestly i'm so excited to finally have something for you guys it's literally been ages i'm so sorry ㅠㅠ and while i def do not know when it's going to be released i have enough to know that it'll hopefully be soon?? i'm about 7k in rn and have a good bit to write but it's going well so i'm so excited !! also beomgyu's the best i love that mans sm

[ghoulishfrk]

PAIRING — WARNINGS — WORD COUNT!

〘 Romantic Hobie x Miles Older Sister , Platonic Spiderverse cast x Miles Older Sister | Slight spoilers | ~ .7K words 〙

MASTERLIST !! PINNED POST 🎧💿

ੈ ✮ ˳ Lulus Notes :: Repost, set after ASTV

✩°｡ Tagging :: @punkologist , @neptunes1nterweb , @honeybleed

Miles older sister who takes care of him. She’s the one who knows when something is up and is the one always giving advice.

Miles older sister who had a hunch something was up with her lil brother but wasn’t sure what exactly until she caught him red handed. Him still on his suit in his room.

Miles older sister who had to take a minute to process that her little brother was fucking Spider-Man and understood why he didn’t tell her or their parents.

Miles older sister who becomes his girl behind the screen. She tells him whenever a villain is causing chaos and calls the cops to get the villain he apprehended.

Miles older sister who gets her brother out of suspicion and trouble with their parents, always having a convincing excuse.

“Mija, have you seen miles?”

“Oh, he went to the store to buy more ice cream cones since he ate mine.”

Miles older sister who never leaves her brother suffer by himself. Always hearing out whatever is bothering her brother and giving advice only an older sister could.

Miles older sister who gets caught up on the whole multiverse stuff by her little brother and learns of all the other spidermen her brother considers his friends.

Miles older sister who meets Peter B. Parker and Mayday and is immediately in love with her. She always counts on him to take care of Miles and is ok with babysitting Mayday.

Miles Older Sister who, when she meets Miguel, is not the friendliest. She’s not over how he treated her little brother and doesn’t hide it. She later on goes easier on him since she sees how he’s genuinely sorry and embarrassed by how he reacted.

Miles older sister who is a bit doubtful of Jess. She didn’t think someone who was a mother would’ve acted like she did towards a kid. She learns to trust her later on.

Miles older sister who meets the other spider kids closer to Miles age and immediately approves of them. She’s even willing to make sure they don’t get in trouble with their families.

Miles older sister who becomes an older sister to Pavitr, Gwen, and Peni. She listens to them and gives them advice like she does with Miles. She’d go insane if anything or anyone hurt her kids.

Miles older sister who meets Gwen and immediately likes her. She gives her advice on wooing her brother and getting the approval of their parents.

“Miles loves drawing so you can never go wrong with giving him stuff like drawing books and markers. Oh, and you should call our parents by our last name. Mom hates when kids call her Rio.”

“Wait, seriously? Why didn’t Miles tell me?”

“Cuz he was probably too whipped to tell you lmao”

Miles older sister who, when she meets Hobie, clicks with him in a different way than when she meet the others.

Miles older sister who gets flirted by Hobie and responds with flirting back, only to get caught by Miles and seeing his hilarious reaction.

“Seriously? My sister?!”

“Aye, calm down Peter Pan.”

“C’mon man! Why it gotta be my sister?”

“Miles relájate nene.”

“What do you mean relax?! If i hadn’t come in you probably would’ve been eating each others faces!”

“PFFT-“

Miles older sister who sneaks in Hobie through her window, having to shush him so her parents don’t hear them and have her father storming in.

Miles older sister who gets caught by Rio one day, with her and Hobie having been sitting on her bed talking about random things.

Miles older sister who has to introduce Hobie to her parents. Rio and Jeff are apprehensive at first, Hobies punk appearance not being what they expected for their daughters boyfriend.

Miles older sister who’s glad Hobie gets along with her mom and tries to be civil with her father and tries not to get into politics or fights with them.

“So, Hobie, what do you do for a living?”

“Kick fascists ass and play in my band.”

Just Miles having a nice and caring older sister <3

© all rights are reserved to @gyal-bunny. Do not steal, modify, copy, and/or repost my works anywhere.

[prodbymaui]

Phantom Limb (Equidistant)

did we come close to having it all?

PAIRING: jeong jaehyun x you

GENRE: slice of life; the hows of us

TEASER WC: 848 words

SYNOPSIS: Between the distance of sorrys and goodbyes, where does 'us' lies?

RELEASE DATE: October 30, 2023

TAGLIST: open !! (you can send an ask or comment your usn)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: if you have questions, you can send an ask. and NO, I didn't re-write the whole movie and replaced Jaehyun's name. the teaser is just a teaser and the actual fic will have a lot more which will be different from the movie.

YOU WERE YOUNG.

''Hmm this is how it feels when you've finally bought something with your own money, huh, Jo?''

''Jo? Is that the name of your ex or side chick?''

''What.. No.'' Jaehyun chuckles. ''Jo in scottish means darling, sweetheart–.. beloved.''

''Pfft, fine. I like that. Jo..''

YOU DREAMED TOGETHER.

''When we're both finally stable and successful in life, wouldn't you be arrogant?''

''Arrogant? Why would I be?''

''Because your boyfriend is the world's most famous singer.''

His imaginations emit a hearty scoff from you. ''Then you're arrogant by then as well.''

''Uh-huh, and why is that?''

''Because your girlfriend, the president of your fansclub, is the doctor who found cures to cancers and rare diseases.''

''And I would be so proud of you when that happens.''

''Someday, love.''

''Someday, Jo.''

THERE WERE UPS.

''Happy birthday, the love of my life!''

''Thank you so much, baby! You didn't have to!''

''Uh-uh, I have to and I want to. You've been juggling studying and working at the same time and I know it has been hard. A great woman like my love only deserves the best of the bests.''

''You're such a sap. I love you, Jeong.''

''I love you, Jo. So much that it hurts.''

THERE WERE DOWNS.

''Jaehyun? Could you maybe wash the dishes before you go? I'm just really short of time.''

''I'm sorry, Jo, but I need to go. All the guys are there and you know how they go when practicing by themselves.''

''Oh.. I'll do the dishes. You take care, hmm?''

''Dude, are you tone-deaf? You're literally fucking out of tune.''

''What do you mean, bro? I think it sounds fine.''

''No, no, you're not fucking hitting the right note. You know what? Get out.''

''Jaehyun–''

''Get the fuck out of my house. What the fuck is happening to musicians nowadays? If they're not taking it seriously, they're fucking tone-deaf.''

''Love, maybe you should rest first.. ?''

YET YOUR LOVE WAS STRONGER.

''Girl, be honest with me. Are you still studying? Your life before used to be all about studying, studying, studying, and a sprinkle of Jaehyun. But now it's all Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun.''

''Rosé, come on. You know we're still waiting for Jaehyun's biggest break. After that, I can focus back on studying.''

''And if that break doesn't happen?''

''Don't be so negative!''

STORMS AFTER STORMS.

''Hello? Do you know anyone named Jeong Jaehyun?''

''Hi, yes. That's my boyfriend. May I ask why you're calling from his phone?''

''You might wanna pick him up, he's dead drunk, been here since last night and won't leave. I'll just text the address from his number, I guess.''

''A-alright, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience–''

''Oh, and you might want to bring extra cash with you. His 7k bill is not yet paid, not even a penny.''

''Rosé–''

''Where the fuck are you? You can't miss this exam!''

''I-I'm coming, I just.. Jaehyun– fuck, he's–''

''Fuck him! Just leave him alone! A few minutes left and we're gonna start. This is a bar exam, get that shit inside your head! Get your ass here if you don't want all your efforts to go to waste.''

''Rosé..''

''Please, you don't deserve this. Think about all those nights you stayed up to study. I'm sure Jaehyun will understand..''

''I.. Okay– okay, I'm coming.''

''I love you, best friend. Jaehyun will understand, okay?''

You cradle Jaehyun's face in your hands, brushing his hair out of his face as if your own isn't a mess along with the tears running. Jaehyun looks through the hazy film of his eyes, he sobs with you.

''I'm sorry, love. I'm so so sorry– God– I'm sorry. Just this one time, please? Just this once, I need to take this exam. I'll call Eunwoo to pick you up.''

Giving one last kiss on your lover's forehead, you quickly catch a taxi and close the door on Jaehyun's face. You bury your face in your hands as you stifle your sobs. Maybe you can stop worrying. Eunwoo will pick him up, he's Jaehyun's best friend.

AND YOU WONDER..

But as you turn your head, Jaehyun with his clothes wrinkled lays on the cold ground, in his own pool of vomit. As he meets your eyes, he starts reaching out to you. For you.

You're just a lover. One that has so much love for Jeong Jaehyun.

The tires screech as you plead stop to the taxi driver, giving him the last of your money before running towards your boyfriend who's grunting and murmuring.

Your heart hurts at the worst state you've ever seen Jaehyun. The ache only gets unbearable as you take him in your arms and carry all his weight. Your heart.. it's as if being squeezed a thousand times, getting pricked with thorns.  

''Just leave him alone!'' Rosé's voice rings in your head.

''I'm sorry.. I can't.'' You whisper an apology. Not to anyone, no.

Because as you fix Jaehyun, clean Jaehyun, tuck him in bed– no one deserves an apology from you more than yourself.

IS IT ALL WORTH IT?

[yutaholic]

the center forward (M)

PAIRING: Yuta (NCT) + reader (female)

YOU: after the anonymous messages, you can feel yourself getting paranoid. you find yourself giving second glances to those you once considered friends. ironically, everyone on campus is eyeing you now that they know what you did, courtesy of neonet. you need a distraction. you also need to give neonet a reason to contact you again. you need Yuta.

HIM: Yuta has a reputation on campus. he’s easy. given that he’s already signed a lucrative contract for a major team when he graduates, you would think Yuta was the most popular guy in school. instead, he’s the outcast. girls love the bragging rights of having him, but then avoid him in the hallways after. Yuta thinks that you, on the other hand, might be different.

WARNINGS: mild language; some slut shaming; mentions of smoking and drinking; explicit sexual content

NOTES: 7k words; this is part two of smashing the six

It went without saying that you preferred to go through life relatively unnoticed.

For an investigative reporter that published as many big stories as you did it was a hard balance to manage, but you had managed thus far with dedication. And maybe a little denial.

So the attention you got on Monday morning was not ideal. And quite frankly, pissed you the fuck off.

Many of your classmates smirked at the death glares you sent their way, delighted by the daggers you stared into their faces because they knew what you had done. The little nosy girl who was always too good or too busy to get down in the dirt like the rest of them finally got plowed at a party and then - the satisfying cherry on top - neonet made sure everyone knew about it.

Which was by design.

All eyes were on you now. Well, for the moment anyway. It was only a matter of time before someone had a juicier story to offer. That was always how it went when someone got aired out on neonet.

Only to date, it had never been you.

Jeno, on the other hand, was treated like he’d bagged the rarest kind of animal on a hunt.

You exchanged smiles with him as you passed each other in the hallways and all was friendly between you. Since that night, you and Jeno had texted here and there, but he was suddenly busy with his newfound popularity and you were laying low.

But most importantly, you had an article to write. You couldn’t let yourself be bothered or distracted by all the whispers and dirty looks.

“Please, tell me it’s true,” Winter exclaimed, clinging to your arm with both hands.

You were practically sprinting, making a beeline to class. You’d been avoiding your best friend since that night. The aforementioned laying low involved you locking yourself in your dorm and ignoring your phone. Quite the image you made hunched under a blanket in bed with your laptop balanced on your legs.

But as your fingers hovered over the keys, the words hadn’t come. Because you had more questions than answers.

Rolling your eyes, you drawled, “Does neonet lie?”

Winter bounced a little. She would chew you out for ignoring her calls and texts later, but for now, she pressed, “How was it? Tell me everything.”

“Penis in a vagina, bestie. It went how you would expect.”

“You are no fun. Like, at all.”

You hesitated. Part of you desperately wanted to tell her - someone - about the anonymous messages from neonet. It had to be an admin of neonet that texted you. There was no other explanation that made sense.

But you found yourself side-eyeing Winter. She was one of the few people you told about the story. Matter of fact, you were beginning to give sideways glances to everyone you thought you considered a friend or ally.

I’m getting paranoid, you chided yourself. If you were this suspicious and on edge after one hookup, you could only imagine how fucking crazy you would be after six.

For the time being, you would keep those texts to yourself. At least until you had more information.

Winter could tell you were in a mood and didn’t push your buttons further. She did leave you with an encouraging hug and made you promise to call her if you needed someone to talk to. You agreed, though you knew you wouldn’t take her up on the offer.

When you entered the hub of the campus newspaper that afternoon, Mark wouldn’t even look at you and that made you bristle with annoyance. And maybe a little hurt. So what if you hooked up? Everyone did. Even him.

Mark wanted to talk to you, hopelessly, but what the hell could he say? The words wouldn’t come out and if they did, they wouldn’t be the words he wanted to say. He was regretting his cowardice now more than ever. If only he had asked you out months ago, he wouldn’t be in this position, vying for your attention.

Or competing for your body.

Envy. Mark was so jealous he couldn’t see straight. Who you slept with was none of his business, Mark knew that, but the problem was he didn’t just want to fuck you. He wanted to kiss you and hold you and wake up in your arms.

He wanted to hear you say that you loved him.

Fuck’s sake, he cursed himself over and over. It was pathetic - this little crush he had on you. All it had done was fester inside his heart, growing with every minute he spent with you.

Mark reminded himself bitterly that you had never, not once, looked at him in any other way except as a friend.

Unrequited love was a cruel little bitch.

You stole a glance at Mark from across the way and frowned. He better not be judging me, you thought angrily, but in just the few minutes you had gone without his company, you were sinking deeper into sadness. It felt like a black hole swallowing you up.

You loved your friendship with Mark. It was very precious to you. Finally, someone that wasn’t intimidated by your drive or threatened by your ambitions. Mark was a rarity and a good fucking friend to you. And you to him.

Sure, maybe there had been a few times you thought of more, thought of him in other ways. Romantic ways. It was hard not to. He was sweet and charming and made you laugh. You had nothing but happy, warm memories with him. There could be something more there. Right?

No. You shut down those forbidden thoughts as quickly as they arose. You would never let your traitorous heart out of its cage again. For as long as you lived.

Besides, Mark was cute and popular and could have any girl he wanted. There was no way he even looked twice at your obnoxious ass.

You frowned again, falling deeper and deeper into that black hole. Why was this getting under your skin? Mark hadn’t said a word to you or even looked in your general direction and you were tearing apart at the seams over it.

Gathering your stuff hurriedly (and a bit loudly in your haste which did nothing but attract more unwanted attention to yourself), you left to work on your story outside. Away from watchful eyes and their scornful judgment.

Mark watched you leave and as he always did, he wished he had the courage to stop you or chase after you. One day, he hoped to have the balls to tell you how he felt, to fill the weird void between you and him with the truth.

But for now, he shook his head, hoping to shake away the thoughts of you, and returned to his article.

You found an empty bench outside. The breeze was gentle and the sun was bright. A beautiful day by all accounts.

Made even more beautiful when Rosé slid into the empty space beside you.

“Aren’t you the talk of the town?” Rosé greeted, arm brushing against yours.

You always caught yourself smiling at her thick Aussie accent. “Hi, Rosé.”

Rosé checked her phone, making sure she got the name right. “Jeno Lee, huh? I had never heard of him before, but I guess the whole school knows him now. Thanks to you.”

Your lips were in a taut line. “I guess so,” you said sourly. You were happy for Jeno, truly, but the unwanted attention made you feel like the walls were closing in. Eyes watched your every move, wondering if you would do something else of interest.

Something for everyone to consume and talk about. Especially since you’d made more than a few enemies with your articles. The dragon slayer may have opened up a soft spot in her armor and the wolves were hungry.

Rosé touched your arm gently, surprising you, and asked, “How are you holding up?”

It was a sweet and gentle gesture, and you had no idea how to react. You and Rosé weren’t friends, because you didn't have many of those, but she was a pleasant acquaintance. There was no reason not to trust her, aside from the fact you didn’t trust anybody.

You quickly slapped on a brave face and replied, “Oh, I’m peachy. The sex was grand.”

Rosé perked up at that, amused and equally impressed. “No kidding? That explains why he’s smiling so damn much.”

You snorted. “As if guys are hard to please in that department.”

Rosé clapped her hands in agreement. “Say it louder for the boys in the back.”

You giggled. Bless you, Rosé, for making me laugh when I really needed it, you wanted to say.

Rosé gazed out at the lawn, her eyes turning aloft in contemplation, and said, “I just had a thought?”

“About?”

“Yuta.”

You blinked in surprise. That was a random admission. Of course, the name was familiar. “Yuta Nakamoto? What about him?”

“Best I ever had,” she said without missing a beat.

You had heard rumors about him - they were quite common - but you assumed they were a bit embellished. “Really?”

Rosé could hear your skepticism and nodded emphatically. “Hands down. Yuta’s a bit of a slut.”

That was common knowledge thanks to neonet. “A slut that knows what he’s doing?” you quipped, trying to be funny. It was a poor attempt at distracting yourself from the dangerous idea that had just popped into your head.

Rosé hummed. “Mm-hm.”

No matter how hard you tried to fight it, you asked her, “Hey, he’s on the soccer team, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Of course, you knew he was on the soccer team. Yuta was the star, one of the top athletes at NCTU. He was going places. Everyone knew that.

You shrugged and lied, “No reason. I’m doing a little story on the athletic departments.”

Rosé’s brow furrowed. “I thought you did campus exposés. Not sports.”

“Yes,” was all you said with a wry smile.

Rosé smirked, purring darkly, “I always look forward to your articles.”

You flashed a knowing grin. “I’m glad to be of service.”

With that, Rosé stood and left you to your thoughts.

For a second, you twirled your pen absentmindedly between your fingers. Then, you finally accepted defeat, taking out your phone and opening the evil little app.

It was no surprise Yuta had a lot of posts attached to his name on neonet. He was somewhat of an icon on campus. A senior majoring in kinesiology but passing his classes by a hair, he had already accepted a contract to play professional ball for a big team in Japan, his home country.

Most girls wanted to bang Yuta because he was going to be famous one day and they wanted the bragging rights to him. None of the girls refuted this and Yuta didn’t seem the least bit bothered by it, considering how many girls he took to bed.

You scrolled through the posts. According to neonet, it was almost considered a rite of passage for cheerleaders to take a ride on Yuta Nakamoto when they joined the team. He was labeled the grade A fuck boy, just as you boasted the unenviable label of good girl.

Perhaps he was too whorish for you.

You sighed, reminding yourself that he was simply the means to an end. Smashing the six. Given his history and reputation, he would more than likely be fine with photographs taken during said smashing.

Mark kept dragging you out of your thoughts. You resented him for treating you differently after hooking up with Jeno. What you did with your body was nobody’s goddamn business but your own.

But you couldn’t help but think of what Mark would do with it.

No, no, no, don’t go there, you thought with a shake of your head.

So, you packed up your things and headed for the soccer field.

There was no official practice underway, but as neonet predicted, Yuta was there running drills on his own. You found a spot on the empty bleachers and sat, propping your head in your hand and watching.

It didn’t take long for you to see why so many girls fawned over Yuta. He was very striking to look at. Recently, his hair had been dyed a dark lavender, but now it was back to its natural jet black and was a little long, straying into his eyes.

And there was something about the way he moved. He was strong and lithe, to say nothing of his stamina. Sweat made his long hair stick to his neck.

Rosé’s comments were swirling around in your head along with the many forthcoming posts on neonet under Yuta’s profile, and thankfully, they deafened your thoughts about Mark.

You licked your lips. It wasn’t usually in your nature to be a carnal creature, but alas, maybe you were just another human after all.

After a few minutes of you staring whilst dealing with the storm of conflicts in your head, Yuta kicked the soccer ball into the air and caught it in his hand with ease. He then proceeded to march right over to you.

“I don’t usually perform drills for an audience,” he said, coming to stand at the foot of the bleachers. His tone was unreadable; you couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or interested.

You were quick to apologize, “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind and needed a place to clear my head.”

The corners of Yuta’s mouth lifted with a smile. “I get that.”

“You do?”

He nodded and then retorted, “Neonet rides my ass like Jeno rode yours.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, wanting to be angry. “For your information, I did the riding,” you shot back.

Yuta arched a brow. “Is that so?”

“Mm.”

“Well, then I apologize.”

You shrugged, feigning indifference. “I guess I’ll accept.”

Yuta smirked. After a short pause that felt a bit too heavy, he climbed up the bleachers, now on the row just below yours. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re really here, baby girl?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, taken aback by his blunt approach. Yuta didn’t strike you as someone with much fear. He walked through life like he had nothing to lose and no one to please but himself.

Yuta eyed you. Though his reputation suggested otherwise, he was no fool.

You finally confessed, “I’m writing a story and I need someone from the soccer team.”

“And?”

You shifted nervously. There seemed to be no point in finessing him. He would see right through it. “I heard things about you.”

Mischief filled Yuta’s face. He leaned in and asked quietly, “What kind of things?”

Something about him threw you off balance, knocked you off your game. Probably the sense that you couldn’t bullshit him. “That you’ll give me what I need,” you whispered, realizing what you’d said and correcting, “For this story.”

Yuta rocked back on his heels and teased, “Are you implying that I’m easy?”

You played coy. “I would never.”

Yuta turned icy on a dime. “Good, because nothing would make my dick softer.”

“Wait. Are you saying you wouldn’t do it?”

“Are you offering to fuck me?”

You sat there, frozen in place. Your mouth ran dry. Your heart was speeding up. “Yes,” you finally willed yourself to say.

Yuta shrugged, like he had suddenly become very disinterested. “Then, no. I prefer a challenge.”

“I don’t have time to challenge you,” you groaned.

“Are you on some kind of deadline?”

You stood to your feet, frustrated, and eager to get away from him before you embarrassed yourself further. “No. Yes. I don’t know,” you said, throwing up your hands. “I just know I’m on the edge of something big here and I don’t have time to waste.”

Yuta was watching you intently, as if you were a shiny new toy for him to play with, and chuckled before teasing, “What the hell? Are you saying sex with me is going to give you some kind of epiphany?”

You burst into laughter and it was exactly what you needed to break the nerves and tension inside you.

Yuta grinned at your laugh and said, “You are very strange, but it’s kinda cute.”

You ran a hand through your hair. “I… ugh, fuck it. I need to sleep with you - or someone else on the team - and take a picture as proof.”

Something crossed over Yuta’s face. Something you didn’t recognize, but a sign that he definitely was onto something. “So, it is a challenge, but not for me. For you.”

You huffed, “Yes. And you have no idea how big of a challenge it is.”

Yuta smirked wryly and his voice dropped low, “I think everyone knows. Former good girl.”

You met his eyes and exhaled loudly. You felt like you’d lost this battle, but you should have known it wouldn’t be this easy. “I’ll leave you alone,” you murmured, deflated. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to beg someone to sleep with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“What?”

Yuta closed the distance between you, but you were still on the row above him. He peered up at you with a darkness in his big beautiful eyes, swimming with arousal, and whispered, “Begging would go a long way with me.”

“Oh, fuck you,” you said, but you didn’t mean a word of it.

Yuta knew that, if his grin was any indication, and he lifted to his tiptoes to press a single kiss to your neck.

You gulped, a spark of electricity shooting through you the moment his soft lips touched over your racing pulse.

Yuta pulled back, looking up at you again, and said coolly, “I’m going to the locker room now for a shower. Follow me if you want.”

“Okay.”

Yuta left and you watched him go, lingering your eyes on the way his shirt hugged his shoulders.

When he was out of sight, you plunked back down on the bleachers and mulled. You were accustomed to having arguments with yourself inside your own head, but this one was particularly heated.

That little kiss Yuta had left on your neck was the overwhelming winner.

The rush that sent through your body made you forget everything else - the article, neonet and its all-seeing powers, Doyoung and his delight in being the only one standing between you and what you wanted most.

And Mark.

Yuta smirked when he heard soft footsteps echoing in the locker room. It had been a few minutes; he figured you needed to rationalize your choices, but he knew you would come. No one could resist their own curiosity.

“There’s no one else here,” he called out, reassuring. No practices were scheduled today.

Concrete as far as the eye could see. Rather than actual showers, the stalls were just divided by concrete walls. You meandered to the shower at the end of the row, the only one running with steam billowing above it and the only one with a closed curtain. That flimsy blue curtain was the only thing blocking you from a naked Yuta.

Now or never. You’d gotten a taste. Now you wanted the whole high. You would never admit that you needed it, but you did.

Your messenger bag fell with a loud plop to the floor. You pulled your shirt up and over your head, then unclasped your bra. Once your pants and underwear were in a pool around your ankles, you shivered at the chill of the locker room.

You kept on your shoes, because you’d be damned if you let your bare feet touch these nasty ass showers.

Yuta grinned when you drew the curtain to the side and swept you in with him, yanking it closed behind you. You cried out at his impatience and from the water hitting your face, but the sound was silenced by Yuta’s lips smashing on yours.

Oh, god. There it was; that feeling was back. The adrenaline and the desire and the fucking butterflies. How you had deprived yourself of this for so long was suddenly a mystery. As if you hadn’t vehemently chased off any offers for your heart or body for the past two years.

Yuta hummed softly against your mouth, kissing you expertly and swiping his tongue between your lips. You carded your fingers into his wet hair and deepened the kiss, heart picking up speed when you felt his cock growing hard against the lowest plane of your stomach.

You made a noise when Yuta backed you into the wall and pressed his knee between your thighs. The moment his leg made contact with your sex, you whimpered into his kisses, fisting your hand even tighter in his hair.

Yuta broke away to nip at your neck, roaming a hand across your waist before cupping your breast. Your eyes fluttered closed and you bit your lip as he sucked over your pulse, teasing your nipple with his thumb.

Your heart was thundering so hard you thought it would explode. Despite the cold concrete against your back, you felt only the heat of Yuta’s body against yours, made even hotter by the water cascading down you both.

Yuta drew back to rake his eyes down your naked body, locking his gaze to yours when he whispered, “You’re so beautiful.”

You couldn’t speak. You could barely think straight. You were hinged on his every move and what he planned to do with you. His kisses alone had rendered you into a daze. Everything was hot and fuzzy.

Yuta chuckled darkly at the hazy look on your face and the steady but rushed rise and fall of your breasts. He cupped your chin between his fingers and leaned in to press a soft kiss to your parted lips.

You gasped when his free hand suddenly cupped your sex.

Yuta held your jaw firmly and tongued down the side of your neck, lapping at your skin soaked from the steady stream of water from the shower head above. He slowly worked his fingers between your folds, dipping two digits into your entrance and feeling you stretch around them.

“Yuta,” you whimpered. Your voice had lost all thunder.

Yuta stroked his thumb affectionately over your bottom lip and kept sucking a bruise beneath your ear. “Mm?” was all he said, as if he wasn’t stroking his fingers in and out of your cunt.

“Do you have a condom?” you asked hurriedly, before you lost what little sanity you had left. Your body was in command now and it knew exactly what you were craving. But if he didn’t have one, then hand jobs would have to suffice.

Yuta withdrew from your sex and reached to the ledge on the shower, where the soap and shampoo bottles were, and returned with a foil packet between his fingers. “I always keep them in my gym bag.”

“Thank god,” you huffed, diving in for another kiss.

Yuta snickered at your urgency and kissed you back just as hard, if not more. There was something intoxicating about you. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. But for now, he was all too happy to indulge you and give you what you needed.

Breaking from his lips, your eyes were wide. “Wait. Water doesn’t mess with them, right?”

“No,” Yuta replied, bringing the packet to his teeth and tearing it open. “Soap could though, but I already rinsed off. You took your sweet time getting here.”

You snickered at the teasing in his tone, but breathed out in relief. There was no argument to be had from you because it was true. Any hesitations were long gone, lost in your pile of clothes just outside the shower.

Yuta took a single step back from you, so his body was no longer pressed against yours, and proceeded to sheathe the condom on his hard dick. You watched with bated breath, mouth watering at the girth of him and your core tightened at the sight.

You let out a surprised sound when Yuta finished fitting himself and turned you around, facing you toward the wall and crowding your back. Your nipples stiffened and you pressed your hands into the cold concrete, biting your lip when Yuta spread your legs further apart with his knee.

“I can’t risk slipping and busting my ass,” Yuta joked, steering his cock between your folds. His lips brushed against your ear. “I’m sure you understand.”

You nodded, but you were running out of patience. “Just fuck me,” you said, but the words were barely out and you were moaning as his cock pressed into your entrance. Your body shivered a little at the snug fit and you shifted, prompting Yuta to tighten his arms around you to keep you in place. He kissed your neck and spoke quiet praises into your skin until you had accepted every last inch of him.

Yuta grunted in the back of his throat at the heat of you around him. “Good girl,” he coaxed, making something clench in the pit of your stomach. He arched his hips and pushed back inside you with a tentative thrust, satisfied that you had opened up for him.

“Fuck,” you whined and pressed your hands into the wall as he started to fuck you, hips slapping into your ass at a steady pace.

Yuta wound a hand around your waist and fisted a hand in your hair, trapping you to him as he drilled his cock into you. He smirked when you threw yourself back, trying to take even more of him, and when his name echoed off the walls.

You whimpered as you endured his thrusts, feeling yourself building toward that familiar edge. He was rough and hard, making your thighs tremble. You made a noise every time his cock hit your sweet spot and you sucked in a breath when he bottomed out.

Yuta loved how your body responded to his touch and the little noises you made. He slipped his fingers back to your folds, rubbing at your clit as he rammed his cock inside you.

“Yuta,” you whined, winching your eyes closed. The hand in your hair also moved, coming to get a solid hold on your throat.

Yuta slowed a little, rutting into you deep. “You like it like this, baby?”

You nodded. It was getting hard to breathe. The water from the shower was dripping into your open mouth. You were convinced you were melting.

Yuta’s circles on your clit came faster, but his pace stayed the same, rocking his hips. He wanted to get you off first. Then he could pound the shit out of you.

You squirmed, your body desperate to get you the rest of the way. It was so close you could almost taste it. You grinded into him, bracing your hands on the wall.

Time seemed to blend together until you had no idea how long you spent with Yuta in that shower. It somehow felt like only seconds, but also hours. At any moment you expected the hot water to run out and turn cold.

Yuta sped up and bit down on your shoulder when you came, feeling your sweet cunt clamp on his length. You shook and swore, reaching back to sink your fingernails into his thighs as you tightened with orgasm.

You slumped forward, but Yuta’s arms coiled around you. He kept sinking his cock into you slowly, coaxing you down from your high. Your pulse was pounding in your ears, but all you could hear was the wet slap where your bodies met.

“That was a hell of a nut, baby girl,” Yuta taunted, kissing the side of your neck.

You snorted, too dazed to laugh, but you agreed with a raspy, “Yeah.” You tangled your arms through his, biting your lip at his slow pace in your sore pussy. “Your turn.”

“My turn.”

Unsuspecting, you cried out when he grabbed your hips with both hands, throttling his cock into you. It took only a few hard, messy thrusts for him to finish, plunging his length inside your spent cunt and filling the condom with his release.

You were tired. Satisfied, but tired. A nap was at the top of your list of priorities. Yuta had relieved your stress and given you a much needed release. It was such a relief to have your brain be quiet for a goddamn second.

Yuta shifted, his cock slipping from your folds, but he didn’t let go of you. “Get your camera out,” Yuta purred in your ear. “Take your picture.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, having forgotten about that stipulation yet again. Peeking out from the shower, you reached for your pants in a heap on the floor and fished your phone from the pocket while Yuta removed the condom.

Yuta trapped you in his arms again the moment you got your phone out, his soft cock flush against your ass. He made sure to get in the same position as before, letting whoever who saw the photo know that he’d taken you from behind in the locker room showers.

You held the phone with a shaky hand, switching to selfie mode and burning with heat the moment your precarious position was reflected back at you. Yuta left a trail of kisses over the bridge of your shoulder and you took the photo as he did.

Yuta left the shower first. He grabbed two clean towels from the rack nearby and handed you one, wrapping the other around his naked waist. “It’s interesting. The other girl did a video,” he said offhandedly.

You stopped drying yourself off, filling from head to toe with surprise. “What other girl?”

“The other girl that did this ‘challenge’ you’re doing,” he replied, walking over to his gym bag on one of the benches.

You followed him, tucking the towel around your body, and pressed, “Who was it?”

Yuta sat down and shook his wet hair. “Like I’d tell you. It was last year anyway.”

Your blood ran cold. “So, you know?” you asked in a small voice.

Yuta nodded and finally lifted his head, meeting your eyes. “Which number am I for you?”

“Two.”

He winced as he tugged on some sweatpants, but he figured as much. After all, your hookup with Jeno was campus-wide news. “Oh, you’re still early in the game. I doubt you’ll make it all the way.”

You took offense and it definitely showed in your expression. “Why do you say that?”

Yuta slipped into a fresh shirt and said with disdain, “I’m easy, remember? I doubt the rest of your conquests will put out as fast as I did.”

Guilt festered deep inside your chest. You approached him unsurely and said his name under your breath, wanting to reach out and touch him. He had just been inside you a few minutes ago, why were you terrified to show him any gesture of kindness?

Maybe because you feared rejection more than death.

Yuta slapped a smile on his face, but it was hollow. Getting to his feet, he took your face in his hands and left a single parting kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Don’t go soft on me now, baby girl,” he whispered.

And then he left.

You dressed quickly, because you didn’t want to be caught in the boys’ locker room of all places. When you stepped outside, you felt more conflicted than when you’d went in.

You couldn’t convince yourself it was just sex, because it wasn’t. You were using them for your own personal gain. The phone felt heavier in your hand when you thought about the pictures.

Someone called your name from farther down the path. You jerked your head up, torn from your reveries. “Mark?”

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” he said, trying not to seem too eager.

You were surprised, but more importantly, you were on the verge of smiling. “You have?”

“Yeah,” he began, then stopped when he noticed your disheveled appearance. “What’s wrong?”

You immediately panicked, realizing how you must have looked at that moment. “Nothing,” you quickly lied. “I’m fine.”

“Why is your hair all wet?”

Distracted by your thoughts, you’d totally forgotten your hair was still dripping. “Oh. The, uh, sprinklers came on while I was walking.”

Mark glanced you over. “But your clothes are dry.”

You knew you’d lost and so you accepted whatever punishment you were about to get. “The sprinklers had great aim,” you deadpanned.

Mark frowned, his face taut. The usual warmth he always carried in his eyes faded until it was gone. He asked sadly, “Why do you feel like you have to lie to me?”

His voice killed you. Even more than the way he was looking at you. “I don’t know,” you sighed.

“I thought I was your friend.”

“I thought you were too.”

Mark blinked, overwhelmed with regret, and stepped closer to you, saying, “Look about earlier, I’m sorry. That’s why I was looking for you. I… I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “Don’t apologize, Mark. You did nothing wrong.”

“Yes, I did,” he spoke up, finding his voice. “You’re my friend. Someone really… important to me and I got caught up in all the bullshit neonet was saying about you.”

“Well, then you’re really gonna hate me.”

“Why?”

You scrounged up what little bravery you had to make yourself meet his eyes when you told him, “Let’s just say the next time neonet posts about me, it won’t be about my sense of fashion.”

Realization sank in. Mark set his jaw and could barely get the words out, “Who was it this time?”

You thought it was judgment, as you expected. You never in a million years would have known it was jealousy. Mark wanting you for himself was the last thought to cross your mind.

Straightening your shoulders back and holding your head high, you ignored his question and said, “For the record, you’re really important to me too. Regardless of what anyone would have said about you, I would have stuck by you.”

Though you hadn’t raised a hand to him, Mark felt like he’d been slapped across the face by your words. “I know,” he sighed bitterly. He opened his mouth to apologize again.

You didn’t give him a chance. The anger was back. “I guess it’s a different world for girls. We aren’t free to do what we want without shame.”

“Fuck what they say,” Mark snapped. He was trying to be gallant. Trying to be loyal.

Trying to be whatever you needed in that moment.

You chuckled, but it was hollow and empty. Like Yuta’s smile when he’d left you. “You know, I was shamed for not having sex ever since I got here and now I’m shamed for having sex. I can’t win. None of us can.”

Mark really didn’t know what to say. He knew it was true. Everyone did. This was the world he lived in and he had to accept it. “Neonet is evil,” he hissed. “No one wants to admit it, because we all consume the content.”

You nodded, reminded of the dragon that needed slaying. “I’m gonna keep digging, Mark.”

Maybe you expected him to argue, to fight you on it or try to talk you out of it, but Mark would never. He trusted you. And he knew better than to stand in the way of a girl with the will of a freight train.

“Good luck,” he told you, offering a little smile.

You simpered back, though it was full of sadness, and headed for the dorms.

The last thing you wanted was to confront the feelings you had for Mark - feelings you didn’t understand.

That night, you isolated yourself again. Dread filled you from head to toe. You checked neonet every few seconds. It was only a matter of time.

One of your many gifts in life was not giving a damn what other people thought of you. Now, you started to wonder if you were as strong as you thought you were. The walls were crumbling down. You were trapped in an endless cycle of thinking.

There were too many gaps in the story. Just like the people you manipulated for information, your brain was filling in the vacancies with whatever it could. You were creating an even bigger monster in your head, one with too much power over you because it knew you intimately.

Sooner or later, the monster would devour you.

Running on very little sleep, the next day you struggled to stay awake during classes. You felt like all eyes were still on you. From the virgin to the whore, you were both the prize and the leftovers in the eyes of your peers.

The day dragged on and on. Your dorm was a sight for sore eyes.

To your surprise, Yuta was sitting on the front steps, waiting for you.

“Hi,” you greeted, clearly bemused. You oddly enough took comfort in his presence, having expected he would never speak to you again after getting what he wanted.

Yuta didn’t waste any time on small talk or greetings. “I had a thought.”

“Oh?”

He stood and approached you, lowering his voice. “You’re not like the other girls.”

You quirked a brow. There was an entire vault of jokes you had to respond to that, but you were too curious about what he had to say. “Thanks?”

“If I helped you get close to neonet, I want you to do me a favor.”

“What’s that?”

He grinned devilishly. “Tear them apart.”

You snorted. “With pleasure.”

Yuta softened a little, the amusement fading from his face. “Also, I came here to apologize.”

“For what?”

“I got drunk last night and told a few of the guys about what happened,” he confessed, a shadow creeping over his face. He’d felt like a piece of shit after, when the alcohol left his system.

You sighed heavily. “Here come all the shower sex jokes?”

Yuta was relieved beyond measure to see you didn’t hate him. “I’m afraid so.”’

You shrugged. It almost felt better, no longer wondering when the bomb would drop. “Well, it was bound to get out eventually,” you said blithely. “I’m not going to lose sleep over it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

If only he knew how much you tossed and turned last night.

Yuta seemed more intuitive than that. He studied your face for a moment and said, “Don’t let this shit take a toll on you.”

“I won’t,” you replied without missing a beat.

Yuta glanced around at the tall brick buildings and sneered, “This hellhole is temporary.”

You retorted, “But the memories are forever.”

Yuta looked at you again, as if maybe he was seeing you for the very first time. There was so much about you that was unreadable, but something in your face was mirrored back at him. Similar pain perhaps.

When Yuta turned to leave, you grabbed his wrist gently and stopped him, whispering, “I don’t think you’re easy, Yuta.”

“You’re the only one,” he quipped dryly.

“I think you’re lonely.”

Yuta blinked.

You had gone on his neonet profile last night. The first time you did, you were seeing if he was a good mark. This time, however, you were trying to get to know him a little better.

The boy you had slept with.

His feed screamed loneliness. The only posts about him were of his sexual escapades or the times he was busted vaping behind the buildings. He would get drunk at parties, occasionally get into fights. Always the winner.

But there was no circle of friends. No pictures of him having any kind of fun.

You had found him alone on the field, running drills. It seemed that was how Yuta spent his days. Alone.

Yuta faced you squarely again and spoke under his breath, “And I think you just have something to prove. Whether to the world or yourself, I don’t know.”

“Neither do I,” you sighed.

Yuta smiled. The two of you had found some common ground and that made him happy. Maybe you weren’t a friend to him, but you wouldn’t ignore him in the hallways.

And that, to Yuta, was more than enough.

“If you ever wanna talk…,” you started warmly.

Yuta wondered if you could read his mind. “I know where to find you,” he finished, blushing a little. “Goodnight.”

“Bye, Yuta.”

You smiled, feeling a little better.

But like clockwork, as you tucked into bed for the night, your phone buzzed.

There was a new post on neonet, tagged to your profile.

Many babies have been made in the boys locker room. Especially by our resident fuck boy. One can only wonder how our favorite good girl measured up in the sack. Or the shower, I should say. At least she didn’t need a bath afterward.

Just as you had been tagged with Jeno, you were now also tagged with Yuta. Along with many, many other girls.

You tossed your phone aside and burrowed under the blankets, trying to ignore the sharp pain in your chest and the burning in your eyes.

Mark would see the post and you knew how he would look at you.

Like you’d broken his heart.

Copyright 2020-2024 © yutaholic (formerly zenyukhei) All rights reserved do not copy or translate without my permission!

[transfemmesam]

supernatural fic rec list

(mostly for me to keep all my favorites together. all on ao3) (be nice, i’ve never made one of these and the format is new to me)

Try asking by @applecrumbledore

Wincest, 7k words, rated T. Outside POV.

“Jerry says he saw them going at it in the back of that car of theirs outside Atlanta last year, I swear to God.” “Listen, man, I don’t like them either, but that’s a low blow. Jerry’s a fucking pervert.”

The sound of dead leaves by clavicular and unhappy_ghost

John/Sam + wincest, 6k words, rated M. Sam POV.

John looks at Sam in a way no father should. Sam aches when Dean smiles. The shadows that loom over Sam Winchester are not just those of the monsters lurking in the night.

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker

Gen, 35k words, rated M. Sam POV.

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking

Gen, 2k words, rated T. Outside POV.

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red

Wincest, 9k words, rated E. Dean POV.

“So you’re just gonna, what – torture us for an hour while your guys hightail it to Buffalo? That’s your master plan here?”  “Oh I can do a lot in an hour or two, Sammy. Like having your surrogate daddy here carve Dean a new face. Like backsliding you off your pretty bandwagon. Like…Seeing how far big brother will go for his sweet baby Sam.”

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki

Gen, 88k words, rated M. Sam POV.

Sam wants to be normal. Sometimes, it's harder than he'd like to keep faith in God. Or: a story of religious!Sam plus powers!Sam culminating in horrifying Sam whump (with eventual comfort to go with the hurt). A character study of the first two seasons that sharply diverges in season two.

he’ll follow me down every street, no matter what my crime by according2thelore

Wincest + Meg/Dean, 17k words, rated M. Dean POV.

“What do you want, Sam?” Sam stands up, so Dean is forced to look up into his face. Sam turns them slowly, so the small of Dean’s back bumps into the polished wood of the counter. “I want…” Sam says, eyes flicking down to Dean’s lips and Dean knows when something is too good to be true, knows that this can’t possibly be real, knows— “Christo.” Dean rasps, just before Sam’s lips land on his, eyes open wide. Sam’s eyes flash black. “Whoops,” Sam says casually. A thread of tension stretches between them, almost interminable, and then they both move at once. The demon in Sam’s body slams Dean back, and Dean crashes against the bar. ~~~ A rework of S2E14 "Born Under a Bad Sign" with Meg!Sam and Dean instead of Jo for WincestWednesday on tumblr's July Event, prompt "Favorite Episode" (with a cameo from the second prompt "Blood")

You’d Have Loved Her (But You Won’t) by punkrock101

Gen, 5k words, rated G. Sam POV. (compiler’s note: this is my personal favorite fic of all time)

Sam never got to tell him. Sam never got to tell anybody.

Flowers in the Impala by Evendar

Wincest, 2k words, rated M. Outside POV.

Kate wants them to be a family - really, she does - but there's something wrong with John's boys.

—-—-—

that’s long enough for now, i think. feel free to reblog with your favorite fics as well

[mxlfoydraco]

i have a question 👀 have you ever read a drarry fanfic where they were brewing amortentia and one of the two is like ‘ew why does it smell like * in here?’

These are closest to the prompt, which shows up more in tumblr ficlets actually!

Base Notes by Sectumsempra (4k)

Draco is in the potions classroom, brewing something, as Harry reports for detention. ----- He comes close enough to the cauldron – from which smoke now rises in spirals, the surface gleaming like mother of pearl – that this time when he catches the scent, he recognizes it. ”Wait,” he says. ”You're making perfume?” Malfoy looks at him with a raised brow and a strange, lop-sided simper. ”What perfume?” he asks, which seems like an odd question. ”The one you're always wearing, isn't it?” As their eyes meet now, the expression on Malfoy's face, hard to read as it is, makes Harry wish he hadn't spoken. ”No fucking way.”

Stop and smell the roses by regencyaus (4k)

Harry really, really needs to start paying more attention. In his defense, he's been having a very long day. Which is why he runs his mouth before he even thinks about why, exactly, the whole potions classroom would be smelling like Malfoy's stupid cologne. "You're the master of not thinking about things, Potter. Half of your hero moments were due entirely to good timing, a lot of luck, and you doing things you didn't think about." Well, okay, but no need to be rude.

Potions Class by pr0bablyn0body (4k)

Prompt: What if one day everyone was brewing Amortentia and Harry walks in late. Of course, he doesn’t know what they’re brewing and the first thing he says is “Why does the room smell like it’s drenched in Malfoy’s cologne?” And then everyone else, including Draco, just stare at him, until Hermione says, “This is Amortentia Harry, it smells differently to everyone according to what attracts them.” Then Harry just goes really red and kind of squeaks because now everyone knows that he’s in love with Draco.

Wasn't it Obvious? by orphan_account (7k)

“I don’t think you’ve brewed it correctly,” Harry admitted, wrinkling his nose. Draco scoffed, unimpressed, “Potter. Do you really think I would take potions advice from you?” “Well if you think it’s so perfect why don’t you smell it? Oh, wait. You wouldn’t be able to because it reeks of your bloody shampoo!” If either of the two had been more perceptive, they would’ve heard Pansy choke in the background, and notice that they now had the rest of the class's attention--even Snape’s. Draco, clearly irritated, took in a whiff of the potion as well. “Are you nose-blind Potter? How could you expect to smell anything correctly over that horrid cologne?” “W-what?!” Harry squawked indignantly, “What cologne?” === Or, 5 Times Where Harry and Draco are oblivious towards their feelings to one another and one time where they finally understand. (Featuring: Amortentia, Veritasesrum, shared Patronuses, the Mirror of Erised, chaotic trios, and more...)

I have a Love & Lust Potions list from before and I would also add these as involving love potions in a significant way,

The Potion Makes the Rules by SquadOfCats (4k)

When Harry smells Amortentia for the first time in sixth year, he is entranced by the scent: green apples, snow on pine trees, and something else...something seductive and familiar he recognizes, but can't place. Eight years later, when he gets into a fistfight in the middle of the Ministry, Draco Malfoy head-butts him in the face and suddenly Harry knows exactly what he smelled in the potion all those years ago.

Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love by @aibidil (80k)

In which a group of wizards' rights activists goes on the offensive after a prohibition against love potions, forcing the magical world to confront the horror of magic's role in sexual assault and the murky legal nature of consent. Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Draco are swept together to solve the case, and in the process they're made to confront their own love and lust—with and without potions.

Lovesick by @corvuscrowned (7k)

People keep spiking Auror Harry Potter with love potions. Healer Draco Malfoy keeps having to pick up the pieces. But it's getting harder and harder for Draco to watch Harry fall in love with everyone except for him.

Save My Wonders by @unmistakablyoatmeal (21k)

Immediately chocolate assaulted Draco’s senses. Warm melted chocolate mixed with his mother’s roses and… something else. Something new. Freshly scrubbed skin and maybe a faint sheen of sweat. It was so familiar… And it only intensified when Potter came up behind him.

A Real Gem by @tackytigerfic (1k)

Falling in love, and not talking about it, and all the nice Amortentia smells.

Passion Cake by @icmezzo (19k)

It’s all about desire. (Harry orders a magically enhanced cake from a chic London bakery, and from there it all goes to hell in a cake tin. Also, will someone please tell Harry what Passion Cake is?)

you, a violent desire by @alpha-exodus (47k)

The Amortentia was an accident—but only the first time.

It Was We Who Were The Cliché (But We Carried On Anyway) by orphan_account (31k)

When the reconciled Black sisters go on holiday together, Andromeda entrusts Draco, rather than Harry, with five year old Teddy Lupin for three weeks. Harry is convinced she made the wrong choice, and he decides the way to fix this is simply to keep turning up at the manor and refusing to leave Draco alone.

The Truth About Love by @amywaterwings (52k)

In which Draco is a high-powered magical divorce lawyer and Harry is the Unspeakable assigned to seduce him. It goes as well as one might expect.

Live to Remember, Remember to Live by @m0srael (19k)

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement has just taken on a new case involving a dangerous experimental potion. Neuromagicologist and Potions Master Draco Malfoy is the one man in Britain who may be able to determine what it does and who’s brewing it. Harry Potter just feels lucky that he gets to tag along.

On the Last Day by @thusspoketrish (53k)

Draco is still mourning the recent loss of his mother when the Wizarding World is struck with the tragic news of Harry Potter’s untimely death. It’s just his luck that Potter not only comes back as a ghost, but seems intent on haunting Draco as he’s the only one that can see him. It’s a race against time to retrace the last few days of Potter’s life in order to find his body before he’s lost to the living or spiritual realm forever. On their journey, they’ll uncover secrets, betrayals, and a horrific truth that will disrupt both the living and the dead.

Haute Allure by @lol-zeitgeistic (12k)

Harry is famous for his menswear now. Malfoy is the inside leg that he loves running his tape measure up.

The Wand Slipped by @unmistakablyoatmeal (35k)

After a messy, public divorce and a disgraceful exit from the Auror Department, Harry is trying to rebuild his life as a private investigator. But when his ex-wife ends up in St. Mungo's, and Harry's tasked with finding her attacker, he'll have to confront the mistakes of his past, and rely on an old enemy, in order to get closure and move on, and incidentally, solve the case.

White Lies by cassisluna (171k)

Draco drinks a potion that makes him know if a person is lying, and Harry, apparently at fault that Draco is this way, is forced to 'help' him with the effects of the potion. For the first time, they deal with each other with no lies to hide behind

Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (113k)

Harry doesn’t mind that so many Slytherins from his year have returned to finish their NEWTs, really he doesn’t. It’s just – do they have to be so friendly? He’s not prejudiced, really he’s not. It’s just – they’ve got to be up to something, right? Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him. When he’s hit by an illegal love-spell though, Harry finds he has more to worry about than whether or not Blaise Zabini actually wants to be his friend. For if everyone affected has been blessed – or cursed, by the look on Malfoy’s face – with a magical tattoo revealing the name of their soulmate, what does it mean that Harry’s skin remains completely bare?

[oh-ohagi]

As if I'd let you.

Synopsis: You asked him some hypotheticals, and now he wants you out of the corps.

Tags: Sanemi x reader, established-ish relationship, angst to fluff to angst to fluff

Content warning: Spoilers for Swordsmith Village Arc up to the Final Battle Arc, low key hot spring make out sesh, explicit language, mentions of death and blood, new style of breathing

Notes: Yay! My first fic is finally here! The idea first came to mind while I’m reading You Wouldn’t Last a Second, during the very hot hot spring scene. Sanemi is so hot that I want to see him in pain, but after writing this I immediately regret it because I just hurt myself. I also took some inspiration from the fic Turn of Events. Both fics are reaaaally good because they’re written by the amazing @xxsabitoxx. Go check them out, unless you’re a minor. 

Word count: ~7k whew!

"Leave the corps."

"Hm–" your eyes widened and your chest felt tight as his words sinked into you, "w-what?"

"You should leave the slayer corps."

“Where… i-is this coming from?” you’re confused as to why he’s acting like this all of a sudden and demanding you to do such a thing. “L/N,” he dropped his hands and finally looked at you since you arrived, “I said get the fuck out of the demon slayer corps!”

Is that how weak you are? Are you really that weak?

“Uhm, L/N-san…”

Corps members lay there lying in their own blood because you couldn’t do your job well. It took you so long to behead the demon who wasn’t even one of the Twelve Kizuki to begin with.

“L/N-san,” you snapped out of your blaming thoughts, turning over to the kakushi who called your name, “are you alright?” The kakushi’s eyes looked very concerned as if you’re bleeding to death. “Yeah I’m good. I think the other corps members need you more.” You really can't help but blame yourself for their injuries. “But L/N-san, your forehead….” You wouldn’t believe it if not for the feeling of blood dripping from your chin which trails from the right side of your forehead. “Oh… you’re right. I’m actually bleeding.” Looking at your bloody hand that touched your bleeding forehead.

You were called there to provide backup and finish the task. It was suspected that a demon from the Twelve Kizuki is lounging on that edge of a small town, as to why groups of corps members failed to return and complete the mission. But it wasn’t. It was just a regular demon who was skilled at disguising itself and manipulating the minds of people.

Aside from the bleeding forehead, you were left with a broken katana after the fight. Debating in your head whether the demon was just really strong or that you were not just at your usual and best self.

“Thank you.” You smiled at the kakushi who tended to your wound. By this time, the sun has already risen, generously bathing you with sunlight. Almost everyone already left, on the way to the butterfly mansion for further treatment.

“Aren’t you going back with us, L/N-san?”

You can’t go home yet. You cannot see him without your answer. You simply can’t face him.  “No,” came out your lips softly, “I need to drop by somewhere.” adding to look more convincing. Besides, you really do need to buy something before going back. “Go ahead before me. Take care.” The kakushi bowed at you before disappearing into the woods.

You took the path opposite of them. On the way to the town two mountains away where you heard that the best sweets are sold. Dried leaves and branches meet the underside of your zōri, with the broken katana still in your hand waiting to be sheathed. You take a final look at it, Akki Messatsu, before finally putting it back on the sheath on your waist. “I suppose it’s time for a weapon change. Need to ask Tecchin-san to forge me that weapon I’m thinking of.” Ever since you changed your breathing style from Stone Breathing to Magma Breathing, you felt like the standard nichirin katana does not suit your fighting style well. And right now, having a katana with a blade a few inches in length, it is best not to encounter any demons.

After hours of walking, you let out a sigh of relief as you stumbled upon a hot spring. You do need some rest after all that fighting and walking. “I guess a hot spring stopover wouldn’t hurt.” You planned to go back before nightfall, there’ll still be plenty of time to buy those sweets for the Butterfly Mansion girls. Every time you visit the mansion for check-ups and treatments, you always bring some sweets or souvenirs for the girls. You love seeing them wear smiles on their faces.

As you slip down the hot spring, you remember why you were stalling for almost a whole day. Thinking of excuses to avoid going home early. It was because of the argument you had with Sanemi before you departed for the recent mission. You have to give him your answer when you see him. He wasn’t actually asking you something but demanding you to do something. You can’t answer him because what he wants is the last thing that you would want to do.

You dunk lower with your head under the water, feeling its warmth reminds you of Sanemi. You miss him and his touch so much. You haven’t seen each other for weeks but when you did, he wouldn’t even look at you.

Hot spring. You thrust yourself up from the water and shoot your eyes open as the last time you and Sanemi bathed together flashed before you. The time before he acted colder and colder towards you.

*

You groaned as the warm water embraced your sore muscles. Eyes closed while flexing your shoulders, you rotated your neck to relax those muscles and nerves in there, which brought you some pain for a while now.

“I knew you’d be here.” Your eyes snapped open to the sound of that familiar voice. Facing towards the source of the sound. “I heard you’re back.” Your lips curled up at the sight of Sanemi wearing a tiny towel around his waist which he dropped at the moment you faced him and proceeded to dip beside you in the hot spring. Your eyes followed him with your lips now wearing a grin, as if cupid struck you an arrow. 

“How’s your training? I went to see you when I got back but you’re busy, so I went here instead.”

Sanemi let out a grunt, looking unimpressed,”you should’ve let me know when you got back. I didn’t finish my training and went looking for you.”

You tried your hardest to keep a straight face, feeling the butterflies flutter in your stomach with every word he utters. “Looking for me?”

With his face looking like he had no intention in answering your mocking question, he studied you and asked, “how’s your mission? Got any injuries?”

“Hmm, nothing from that mission. That demon was a quick kill. Anyway, have you ever fought a demon from the Twelve Kizuki?” 

He frowned at the quick change of subject. ”I killed several lower ranked but haven’t faced any upper ranked. Why’d you ask?”

“Well… I’m just wondering what they are like. Like, how strong they are and whatnot, ‘cause you know, I haven't met one. Strangely, everytime I’m about to fight one, fate just won't let me.”

You jolted and instinctively flew your hands to the nape of your neck as you felt a streak of pain in the area.

“What’s with your neck?” You can’t see Sanemi but with his tone, he is definitely concerned. 

You rotate your neck muscles to ease the pain, “uhm… not sure but whenever my neck experiences some sudden movements, there’s like a muscle or nerve that feels like it’s going to snap.” There was a beat of silence, “so whenever I’m going to give you a head, you can’t just abruptly grab my neck.” You meant that as a half-joke but it came out of you in a completely serious tone.

You opened your eyes to Sanemi looking very perplexed, mouth gaped as he let out a few huffs. You worried that your joke was that cruel before he let out the loudest guffaw you have ever heard from him. Loud enough to startle the birds sitting on the nearby trees and fly away. Now you worry about disturbing the neighboring estates and the passersby while his laugh continued for a good two minutes, loudly echoing around the area. Seeing him buying your silly remarks makes your chest tingle. You thought you should make him laugh more often since laughing suits him well. His features look beautiful, glistening under the daylight, just everything about him is so perfect. You did not do it intentionally, but a smile naturally appeared on your face just from the sight of him, on the fact that he’s right next to you, and that he’s yours.

His laugh slightly calmed down and he faced you, reaching for you.

“How’s that?”

“You’re funny, c’mere,” his hand is now cupping your jaw, his face close to yours, “may I?” his lips still have traces of laughter, “of course you may, silly.” You leaned forward to kiss him but he pulled away quickly, just giving you a peck. Your eyes shut open, shocked at how quick that was. You were about to protest but his lips are back at yours. The moment you closed your eyes again, he pulled away. “What a tease!” you howl in annoyance. He enjoyed your reaction, smashing his lips back at yours, laughing against your lips. You placed your arms around his neck to lock him in place, positioning yourself to sit on his lap. Both of his hands fell on your hips to guide you in whatever you’re trying to do.

The kiss was surprisingly soft and gentle. It was... slow and sweet. As if all the time in the world was yours and you have nothing to worry about. Unlike the usual where everything seems to be rough and in a rush, like you’re so badly desperate for each other.

Being in his arms feels like returning to a warm bed after a long, tiresome day. His calloused hands that were on your hips, snaked to your lower back. Muscular arms hugging you perfectly, as how a blanket perfectly does. One thing you could think of was how safe and comfortable you feel around him. Oh, to be in those arms, you wouldn't trade it with anything in the world. You felt like you would want to wake up everyday just to feel all that all over again.

When was the last time you had something to look forward to? Since when did you feel like you’re afraid to risk your life just to be in his arms even for just a little longer. As if you did not join the corps in the hopes of giving yourself an honorable death as soon as possible. Oh right, you're still in the demon slayer corps. Your bliss washed away. You became so lost just in the feel of Sanemi's touch. Sanemi. Yes, you're in the arms of Shinazugawa Sanemi, which is too good to be true. If it wasn't for that joint mission that the Master gave you two, you wouldn't be in each other's arms like this. You used to loathe each other's presence until that very mission.

You began to doubt your ecstatic thoughts and caused the kiss to be sloppy and out of sync. You pulled away from his lips but still close enough for your foreheads to be touching each other, Sanemi's lips came chasing after yours as he slowly opened his eyes, looking a little vexed. "What?", "hey, uhm..." you rest your hands on his chest, tracing a scar with your thumb, "let's say, uhm... what if,” you took a deep breath, “I'm gone, what would you do?" the moment you said that hypothetical, you realized just how dumb that question was. "What do you mean 'gone'?'' Looking baffled, he pulled his head away to take a good look at your face. "I mean like, you know... ugh nevermi–" but before you could even finish your sentence, both of his hands cupped your cheeks, "as if I'd let you." He kissed your forehead, down to both of your cheeks before turning back to your lips, with the same slow and sweet pace. Your face feels hot and can't help but smile against his lips.

"Are you ready?" Sanemi looks you in the eyes with a smirk. "uh, are we really doing it here? I mean, we’ll get dizzy if we stay for long." What he wanted to do excites you to the bones, but you know him, he takes damn his time, and staying in a hot spring for a long time really makes you dizzy. "I don't mind." His smirk became a grin as he moved closer to give you a quick little kiss because he misses your lips after too much talking.

*

The weeks after that time you and Sanemi had in his hot spring are very hectic and busy weeks. Handful of long and short missions, both of your schedules just didn’t allow you two to meet for more than an hour. You leave some letters at his estate to read when he gets home, while he leaves some treats at yours in response to your letters. But recently, he doesn’t drop something as often as he used to. What you didn’t know is during those times you had separated from each other, Sanemi pondered on something concerning you.

While you’re on your way to Sanemi’s estate for a visit, your crow quacked you with new orders, to provide immediate backup located on a small town on the edge of the first mountain up north-northeast. It was said that a demon of the Twelve Kizuki is feasting on the villagers there, as well as the deployed corps members. As the crow flew away, you thought you might as well drop by at Sanemi’s since you’re already on the way.

As you entered his estate, you figured out that he’s in his kitchen. You slide the door open to peek and you have confirmed that you’re right. He’s making ohagi while having a cup of green tea on the side.

“Knock, knock” you cheerfully knocked on the air as you popped your head on the doorway to greet him a hello. It took him some seconds to acknowledge you with a grunt, giving his whole focus on the rice and red bean paste on his hands. You took a few steps in, leaning your head forward to have a peep on what he’s doing. “Oh, I see you’re making ohagi, hopefully I can have some.” you giggled a little.

He scooped some bean paste with his hand, flatting it out before placing some rice inside and squishing into a ball. You observed his hands attentively, forgetting anything else, just looking at how ohagi is made. He has made two ohagi while you stayed like that before you remember you had a mission.

“Oh, right,” you snapped your fingers, “I won’t be staying for long. I just received new orders.” He still didn’t provide any response or any acknowledgement of your presence, and that’s when you began to hear your own heartbeat. It was quiet and everything suddenly felt colder. “Uhm,” you gulped, feeling uneasy “is… everything alright, Sanemi?” Still, no response. As if you weren’t there talking and asking him a question. You took a few slow steps towards him,

"Leave the corps."

"Hm–" you stopped in your tracks, eyes widened and your chest felt tight as his words sinked into you, "w-what?"

"You should leave the slayer corps."

“Where… i-is this coming from?” you’re confused as to why he’s acting like this all of a sudden and demanding you to do such a thing. “L/N,” he dropped his hands and finally looked at you since you arrived, “I said get the fuck out of the demon slayer corps!”

Your mouth fell open, gasping for air as you felt like your breathing stopped. What is happening? Why is he like this? First, he called you by your last name, stared at you dead-eyed, and he nearly raised his voice at you.

He was aware that he almost raised his voice at you, which he hates. He pledged that he will never raise his voice and a hand at you. He will never in his life become like his father.

He returned to carry on with the ohagi he’s making and to turn away from you. “There is no use for a Hashira who couldn’t even finish a demon of the Twelve Kizuki. You said it before, you think you’re weak for a Hashira. There’ll be a grave waiting for you and the corps members you’re with every time you set out on missions. We can’t have a fighter dragging the whole slayer corps down, let alone a Hashira. You have that hobby you always love, right? Go do it for a living and quit the Demon Slayer Corps.”

You couldn’t care anymore about your inability to breathe. Eyes clouded with tears as every word he said pierced you. While searching for a thing to say, tears quickly fell from your eyes. You immediately looked up and wiped the tears away. “No,” you mumbled under your breath, “you don’t mean that.” You turned away, ready to leave, “I’ll get going.” You moved past his doorway, your hands fell on the door, about to close it. “I don’t want to be with you anymore. Let’s end this.”

Your hands froze at the door, tears rapidly falling down your face, you felt like your legs are giving up but at the same time, you cannot move your whole body. No words are coming out of you. You’re finally able to take a ragged breath, “we’ll talk about this when I get back.” You swiftly closed the door and leaped away as fast as you could. When you were at a some distance from his estate, you heard Sanemi let out a loud crying “fuck!” which made you feel shivers and stop to look towards his estate, a trail of tears still in your face, before setting out on your mission.

You got the sweets for the girls at the Butterfly Mansion, and you bought some extra because you might get hungry on the way back. You got a little carried away strolling through the town and you forgot about the time. If your calculations are correct, you’ll get back home before the break of dawn.

“One mountain down, two to go.” You mumble while catching your breath as you walk at a brisk pace, hurrying since you remember you can’t fight a demon with a broken katana. It was the third quarter of the hour of the ox when you were half down your second mountain. Everything was peaceful, or so you thought. You were stopped on your tracks as a short and very thin old-looking man, crouching on the ground while weeping, appeared before you. You didn’t detect its presence but you were in no doubt that it was a demon by the moment you saw it. Someone with two horns and a huge bump on their head couldn’t be a human. You were about to unsheath your katana and assume a fighting stance when the demon bawled louder about being kind to the weak, that he’s innocent, and that he deserves pity.

*

“What if… I'm gone, what would you do?" 

"I mean like, you know…”

It’s already past midnight and Sanemi is still on the grounds, exhausting himself training. More than a day since you two last talked, he still can’t get you out of his head, your voice and face kept flashing before him. Since he came back from patrol, he has never left the grounds, training with his katana instead of a wooden one. His attacks became sharper and more violent as he convinced himself that he did the right thing and the best that he could do.

During that time in the hot spring, Sanemi took your hypotheticals as a hundred percent joke, because he knew that it would never happen. Why does he know that? Because he will never let you die. He will protect you with his life and everything he has. He loves you, he’s certain about it even though he rarely says that he loves you. You’re one of the most important people in his life, way more important than his. Master Ubuyashiki, whom he respects from the bottom of his heart, Genya, his beloved younger brother whom he couldn’t bear the thought of him breathing the same air and living on the same land as the demons, and you, the love of his life whom he never once thought would even happen to him and whom he vowed to love for the rest of his life.

Sanemi didn’t even realize how much he loves and cares about you, not until during his patrol, when he was fighting demons and he suddenly thought of you. You are a Hashira and he doesn’t think you’re weak, but his gut just couldn’t take the thought of you risking your life fighting demons. It’s idiotic to ask you to quit the corps, and he thinks that he has no right to ask you that because you are a Hashira long before you two got together. 

Your voice asking those hypotheticals, playing over and over in his head, adds fuel to his fire. Even while he’s on missions, he’s so worried about how you’re doing, while you’re away too busy with your own dangerous missions. The letters you leave at his estate are his only way to know that you’re doing alright and that you’re safe. Unlike with Genya, he can check on him from afar once in a while, and him being under the guidance of the Stone Hashira is a huge relief for Sanemi. But it is to his distress that he cannot get his brother out of the corps and live a normal and happy life.

“KAW! KAW! WIND HASHIRA, SHINAZUGAWA SANEMI, YOU MUST HEAD TO THE NORTHEASTERN SIDE OF THE SECOND MOUNTAIN UP NORTH, IMMEDIATELY! DEMON OF THE TWELVE KIZUKI IS SPOTTED! MAGMA HASHIRA, Y/N, IS FIGHTING THE DEMON. PROVIDE REINFORCEMENTS! IMMEDIATELY! KAW!”

The information that the crow squawked regarding the Upper Rank Kizuki alone already had Sanemi ready to bolt away, but with you facing a Twelve Kizuki demon, veins began to pop on his face and bloodshot eyes clouded with tears. "Dammit, y/n, what are you doing that far away? Hold on right there. Wait for me, please.”

Since his realization, the more time you spend away from each other, the more Sanemi gains ample time to think about you and what you are to him.

“Knock, knock.”

Just from the moment Sanemi felt your presence as you entered his estate, his heart and mind felt the tranquility that he longed for.

He has decided on what he wants to do. What he needs to do. Your cheerfulness and the way you cling on him reminds him of his late older brother figure, Masachika, who he owes a lot yet in the end he couldn’t save from a demon. He believes that his loved ones died because he couldn’t protect them. He won’t make that mistake with you. With you and Genya. 

“Oh, right. I won’t be staying for long. I just received new orders.” 

No, please stop. I can’t bear to lose even you. 

“Uhm, is… everything alright, Sanemi?” 

No. As long as there are fucking demons here living in this world, nothing will be alright. I hope everything’s alright. I’ll annihilate all the demons if I can, to keep you safe… to keep everyone safe. Just… please let me protect you. Let me keep you safe.

"Leave the corps."

"Hm– w-what?"

"You should leave the slayer corps."

“Where… i-is this coming from?”

“L/N,” Sanemi dropped his hands and at the moment he looked at you, he just wanted to give in and wrap you in his arms. But doing that will make it harder for him to ask you to leave the corps.

“I said get the fuck out of the demon slayer corps!”

If he has to push you away, he will even if it pains him. Even if it pains the both of you.

“There is no use for a Hashira who couldn’t even finish a demon of the Twelve Kizuki. You said it before, you think you’re weak for a Hashira. There’ll be a grave waiting for you and the corps members you’re with every time you set out on missions. We can’t have a fighter dragging the whole slayer corps down, let alone a Hashira. You have that hobby you always love, right? Go do it for a living and quit the Demon Slayer Corps.”

I’m sorry. Please just live a normal life, far from risking your life, far from demons. I’ll protect you, I promise. Just please…

During that time, you didn’t know how hard Sanemi is trying to keep his tears from falling. It pains him more that he has to hurt you like this.

“No, you don’t mean that. I’ll get going.”

Please don’t go. Please don’t make this harder.

“I don’t want to be with you anymore. Let’s end this.”

That’s a lie. I want to be with you. I want to be by your side for the rest of my life. But… it’s just that… we can’t. I can’t. I want to protect you. If I could get you away from demons, it would be easier. But if I can’t, maybe it would be better this way. Maybe this would make you leave the corps. 

“We'll talk about this when I get back.”

Come to think of it, if we stayed together while any or both of us stayed in the corps, it’s like we’re knocking on death’s door each and every time. Maybe… I will be fine if you'll marry and build a family with someone else if it means that you’d be safe. Just, please…

All that Sanemi could do is yelp a curse as you hurriedly left his estate, weeping from what he did to you.

*

You’ve been fighting this demon for who knows how long. You’ve lost your sense of time since it appeared. Too occupied by trying to finish the demon while figuring out how to make use of your half-useful katana. What you noticed about the demon was its skill at remaining hidden, it moves unbearably fast, and its neck is annoyingly tough.

“Please don’t attack me. I never did anything wrong. I am a kind-natured weakling.”

Trying to catch your breath from all the playing chase, “you’re fast, huh! How many people did you eat?”

“No, I did not kill anyone. I have never! I’m only trying to get a meal. Be kind to the weak.”

"Shut up with your nonsense! I’ve had enough of your screeching.” As of now, you have successfully reached its neck multiple times, but not deep enough to behead it. With your katana in this state, it can really be maddening. You speculate that the demon might be one of the Twelve Kizuki, you have never fought anyone this strong and its aura is really something.

Magma Breathing, Fourth Form: Flow of Lava. In a new attempt, you were able to bury your katana on the demon’s neck. Your multiple slashes miraculously managed to finally behead the demon.

As you waited for it to crumble into the air, you couldn’t believe your eyes as the demon’s head grew a body and the body grew a head. You knew you were done for. There’s no way you can get out of this fight alive. You’re reaching your limit. It became worse when you saw the demons’ eyes. Upper Four.

*

“Fuck, y/n, where are you?” Sanemi arrived at the mentioned location, wandering around the mountain looking for you and the demon. He began to wonder if the crow gave the right information and why he couldn't feel any demon presence.

The last thing you know was you were left unconscious when you absorbed a hit of lightning from one of the demon’s Khakkhara staff and the other demon sent you flying away using a huge leaf-shaped fan. You open your eyes thinking that you’ve already died as Sanemi greets you awake. “What the fuck happened, y/n?” Ah, you’re still alive. As you remembered the demon you were fighting just awhile ago, you used all your remaining strength to get up. “What time is it?”

“The fuck, does that even matter right now?”

“Yes it does. Beheading… the demon is no good. It multiplies. We… need to keep those under the sunlight. Go… there, the demons’ there.”

“Just stay right there. You’re in no state to fight.”

Both you and Sanemi felt like you were just running in circles around the woods as the sun began to rise fully and you still couldn’t find the demons. You finally catched up to Sanemi, “I thought I told you to stay right there?!”

“How would you expect me to just stay right there? If I’ll die, I might as well take a demon with me.”

You tried to position yourself ahead of Sanemi to take the lead when all the aftereffects of your injuries suddenly hit you. Beads of cold sweats cover your whole face, your head suddenly feels hot and heavy, your vision getting darker and spinning around, and your legs giving up. You suddenly felt the urge to cough, but once you did, blood just kept spilling out of your mouth.

Sanemi rushed to catch you before you fell hard on the ground. “Fuck, y/n! I told you to–” he decided to stop his scolding and gently placed you to the ground, preparing to provide you first aid. He took out some supplies he had on hand, starting to fall apart at how much of a mess you look like. Your haori and remaining uniform shredded, hair dripping wet with your own blood – the one you probably got when your head hit the tree as you were sent flying, your forehead wound reopened which now extends to your hairline, your chest bleeding from the time the demon stabbed you with a staff, and with multiple cuts, abrasions, and sprains all over your body.

Sanemi finally decided to begin to tend your wounds starting from your head. He held your head to cover it around with a cloth to slow down the bleeding. 

“I'm sorry, Sanemi.” What were you sorry for? For not killing the demon? For not being worthy of a Hashira? For being weak? For being this kind of mess? Actually for a lot of reasons.

With your last remaining strength to keep your eyes open, you keep them focused on Sanemi. He unbelievably looks calm. “Sanemi,” he’s so focused at tending to your wounds and as if you were not giving your final words. Your wounds are not that fatal, but it is the blood loss that will end you. “I’m letting you go.”

“Shut up.” Tears straight away flood down at Sanemi’s cheeks, while still keeping a straight and calm face. “I–”, “shut up! Shut up, y/n! I take that back! You’re right, I don’t mean it. That’s not what you want, and so do I. I’ll handle this. I’ll take you home and we’ll be together until we get old and wrinkly.” Tears just keep falling from Sanemi’s face, avoiding your gaze as he breaks out from his clam facade. “Shit, where are the fucking kakushi?”

His words and efforts to keep you alive gave you a sense of relief. At your final moments, he’s by your side. “Sanemi,”

Sanemi slipped his arm under your legs and the other held your back as he carried you, hurrying to the butterfly estate.

Your lips curled up to a smile as you brought your hand up to caress his cheek one last time, he finally looked you in the eyes, “thank you…” for everything. 

Never in your wildest dreams did you think you'd be a demon slayer. You used to live a normal Taisho-era life, until almost all of your family members, relatives, and people you care about died from illness. Aside from your childhood best friend, who was killed by a demon right in front of you. You were so helpless and if it wasn’t for a demon slayer, you’d also become a meal of that cruel demon.

You had nowhere to go, until a cultivator accepted you in. Since then, you’re mercilessly killing demons. And that became your only reason to live, but not enough to make you afraid of losing your own life.

You don't care about the rankings at all, as long as you could kill demons you’re fine. You’re so used to beheading the usual demons, and you swear that you could behead a demon even with your eyes closed. You initially turned down the offer of becoming a Hashira. You said you have no interest in it and that you didn’t even meet the qualifications. But one time, you were called to the Ubuyashiki Mansion. What you didn’t know is that is when your life will start to change. It was Ubuyashiki Kagaya himself who asked you to become a Hashira. You haven’t got the chance to kill a demon of the Twelve Kizuki, but as a Kinoe, you were able to kill around a hundred of demons. He believes that you could handle becoming a Hashira. With his calm demeanor that you couldn’t resist, you finally gave in.

Almost everyone has been kind to you, even after you become a Hashira through that other way. One of the exceptions was the Wind Hashira. You were still a Kinoe when you two first met and you both got on each other’s nerves on your first meeting. You thought once you became a Hashira, maybe you could smooth things over with him. But no, it became worse. You two can’t stand to be in the same room. You have only attended a Hashira meeting once, and during the time before and after the Master arrived and left, there was a tension between you two that no one could deny.

The Master is surely a cunning one. You and Sanemi were sent on a joint mission and it did not only smooth things between you two. After that mission, you even tried to act like the usual and hide the tension – which is a different kind of tension now– between you two. Later on, the other Hashiras just happened to know about you two out of nowhere. In fact, it delighted the Master.

You’ve never been happier since you and Sanemi became a thing. You felt like that time when the Master asked you to become a Hashira is also the time you were reborn as a better version of yourself. Everything since that incident was nothing but something that you are grateful for. 

*

A little girl’s voice called out your name, “you’re finally awake. How are you feeling?”

You glanced towards the little girl, it’s Sumi. Her face is glowing in solace. You smiled at her with weakness in your eyes. “Wait here, y/n-san, let me just get your medicines.” Her hair bounced as she hurriedly left the room. Your eyes wandered around the room, feeling incredulous as you made it out alive. Sanemi. You wondered where he was and how he was doing. Your eyes happened to land on the bedside table, where there is a vase of your favorite flowers that grows just on the way to your estate. It looks like it was just freshly picked. 

“Oh, that flower,” Sumi is back, with Naho and Kiyo peeking from the threshold, “someone leaves flowers of that kind almost everyday.” The girls shyly smiled at each other before Kiyo added, “we think it’s from Wind Hashira-sama. We’re not sure about it but we once saw him come out of your room one evening. Then the flowers in your room changed to a fresher one.”

Your rested hand clutched the bedsheet beneath you as you felt a familiar tingle in your chest. The weakness in your eyes was lessened as you smiled at the girls. “I’m sorry. I bought some well-praised sweets but I think I left it somewhere.”

“Oh, don’t bother with it, y/n-san,” Sumi walked towards you with the tray of medicines, “you were unconscious for more than a month. Shinobu-san said that if Wind Hashira-sama brought you here a minute later, you might not survive the blood loss.”

You and the girls continued to chat about the things that you missed while you were unconscious. They said, even the Master dropped you a visit. Because of the resistance your body has and with Shinobu’s medicines, you were feeling a lot better on the second day after you woke up. You insisted that they discharge you already because you need to catch-up on a lot of things and a Hashira couldn’t waste any more time. Even Shinobu was against your request.

You felt useless in the Demon Slayer Corps after what happened and, even if Shinobu will get mad at you, you decided to sneak out of the mansion to start on your training and reports. It seems that things are going slightly according to your plan when a number of corps members arrive at the mansion for treatment, which means they'll be too busy to attend to you.

You left your room quietly, hoping that no one would see you. By the time you turned a corner, you were surprised by Sanemi, holding the same flowers you have in your room and a box wrapped in a furoshiki cloth. “What are you doing?” His tone is like a parent’s who caught their child doing something they were specifically told not to, “where are you going?”

“Well, I…” while you’re trying to think of some acceptable excuse for him, he placed the flower in his other hand holding the bento and grabbed you by your forearm with his newly free hand. “You’re not going anywhere. Kocho told me that you insist on training while you haven’t recovered fully. You're as stubborn as ever.”

“Well, uhm…” You couldn’t do anything as Sanemi already brought you to your room before you could even protest. He dropped you on your bed, “Just stay here, y/n. Your training could wait.” He walked towards the bedside to change the flowers like he always does, but now he has ohagi and anpan– both that you really love – with him. “But I… I already wasted so much time and I have to make a report about the demon I encountered.”

“You’re not wasting time here, y/n, you’re recovering. Besides, no one is rushing you about that report, everyone understands your situation.”

“How about the second Hashira Meeting for this year? I have to prepare for that–”

“It’s done. It was the day before yesterday. For fuck’s sake, y/n, why can’t you understand that you can’t just go out there living recklessly and waving at death? I��� I-” Your mouth fell shut as Sanemi reproached you. “We’re demon slayers, that alone is already dangerous and I can’t have you living like your life isn’t important. I can’t bear to see you bleeding to death like that again. Do you think I don’t care about you? Stop being so selfish, y/n.” Sanemi immediately turned away from you and was about to leave the room as shame rose on him for saying those words at you. For saying what he actually felt.

Five days after your attempt to escape, Shinobu finally allowed you to leave the estate under their care. As Sumi, Naho, and Kiyo send you off, you see Sanemi waiting for you at the gate of the estate. You felt butterflies flutter in your stomach and you couldn't fight your lips from making a grin. You waved the girls goodbye while Sanemi approached you.

“How are you feeling?”

“A lot better, now that you’re here” you lowered the volume of your voice at that second part, hopefully he didn't hear.

He hummed a laugh in victory as he walked a little ahead of you. The whole walk was quiet yet comfortable. “Uhm, Sanemi, this is the way to my estate…” You said hesitantly as he was about to keep walking towards a different direction, “I know. We’re going at mine.”

“But I… I have some things to take care of at mine,” you replied in objection. “Like what?”

"Like dust off my house, check on my plants if they're still alive, and some general cleaning. You know I haven't been there for quite a while, I don't know if my house is still standing–"

"I already took care of those things. Your house is free of dust, your plants are still alive, and your house is still right where you left it, if that's what you're worried about." Sanemi sounds like he's pouting, shy to admit that he did all that for you. Even if his face is turned away from you, you're certain that his face is red right now. 

"What's funny?" he defensively asked you when you giggled, "nothing" while bringing your hand up to cover your curled up lips. "Hey, don't you have a mission to take care of?"

"I'll supervise your training until you're back at your feet. I asked Oyakata-sama to allow me. I'll be taking at least two weeks off."

"You really went that far, huh?"

He fiercely looked at you from his eyelids before rolling his eyes.

He's back. You're both back.

"Won't you get moving? You still have that training you're dying to do."

"Hey, wait," you wore a shy grin "are we… still together?"

He rolled his eyes at you again, closing the distance between you two before wrapping his arms around your thighs and carrying you over his shoulders. "Like I said, your training is waiting for you, we have to get moving."

"No, no wait, answer my question."

"Of course we are. What else would we be?"

That was the reassurance that you've been waiting for.

You're liking the view that you got. Even if your view is upside down, the way his ass moves on every step he does makes your legs tingle.

"After the training, do you want to go to the hot spring?"

Endnotes: Aaaah it's finished! I think I overplanned this and got a little carried away. But anyways, thank you for reading until the end. I hope you have enjoyed reading this just like how I enjoyed writing it. Love, reblogs, and feedbacks are highly appreciated! ♡♡♡

[snwusberry]

cry for love

pairing: yeonjun x reader x wooyoung

genre: angst, fluff (if you squint real hard)

warning(s): language, food/eating, alcohol consumption, intoxication, a lot of crying, toxicity (yeonjun is a lil toxic ngl), trust issues, cheating mentioned but no one actually did, a lot of tears. love square my dudes. pov changes (sorry). there are many errors. i will try and fix them as soon as possible.

wc: 7k

notes: this is by far my longest fanfic (i had to bust out my laptop for this one) and i'm not gonna lie, for someone with a short attention span, this was quite difficult to write but i wanted to step out of my comfort zone so here it is. i hope you all enjoy this one

playlist:

cry for love - baekhyun

movies - conan gray

the cut that always bleeds - conan gray

like i need you - keshi

i don't - sabrina claudio

bleeding love - leona lewis

reader pov

"this is the third time in a row now yeonjun. how many times is she gonna rock up at your apartment drunk?" i ask him, looking at the sleeping girl on the sofa. she’s a little too at peace for someone whos ruining my night right now.

"she comes here because she's most familiar with me. who else is supposed to help her?" yeonjun defends and i roll my eyes, not having any of it. this not the first time this is happening.

"her other friends. it's funny how she's got other friends, isn't it?" i sarcastically remark but he just returns a stern look.

"quiet down, you're gonna wake her up." i raise my eyebrows at the sheer audacity.

"have her sleep somewhere else then. i don’t know, call someone to pick her up and look after her. you're not doing none of that tonight." i tell him.

it's tiring how much this happens. she always does this. she comes up with something whenever she knows yeonjun and i will be together that day, like right now. she appeared drunk on yeonjun's doorstep on the day we decided to spend time together.

"please be serious right now."

"i am being serious. she's not spending the night here." i fight back, trying to stand my ground but i'm afraid i'm fighting a losing battle.

"this is my apartment y/n, not yours. i think that i should be the one to make that decision, no? stop bitching about it." he responds coldly with an unreadable expression on his face. there's a look in his eyes i've never seen before.

"okay then i'll leave."

his eyes soften upon hearing my tone of voice indicating that i am, in fact, upset.

"i didn't mean that." he tries to hold my hand to stop me from leaving but i pull away, getting my things to leave.

"then what the fuck did you mean?" i ask him turning to face him but he just stares, not saying anything. “you said what you said. call me when you drop this act of yours."

once the cool air outside the giant apartment building hits me, i let out a sigh, frustrated by all this. he really said that to me with a straight face and thinks he can just take it back all willy nilly? unbelievable.

i send a text to the person who's been helping me through this somewhat confusing moment in my relationship.

me:

are you busy?

i get a text back fairly quickly, i don't even need to read it to know he's not busy and judging by his patterns, he wouldn't have responded so quickly had he been occupied.

woo:

no

i make my way down the familiar road to one of my best friends' apartments. i've been here many times before but now i feel bad for even thinking about going there because i feel like as of late, i've just been there to complain.

"oh y/n. come in." he ushers me inside his warm apartment.

i make my way in and he walks me to the kitchen where i sit by the small island.

"let me guess, the name starts with m?" he asks, preparing some tea for both of us. i nod but the tears start to fall. i fucking hate when my anger turns to tears because it makes me feel weak. "that's not all, is it?" i shake my head and he walks around the island to pull me into a hug.

---

i sit on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hands. wooyoung sits next to me listening to everything i'm saying while i rant about what happened with yeonjun.

"that's messed up like how many times is she gonna show up drunk at his door?" wooyoung asks, outraged at the audacity of this girl.

"that's literally what i said to him. i told him she couldn't have gone to anyone else and you know what he said? he said 'she's most familiar with me. who else with her?' can you believe this guy?" i rhetorically ask, taking a sip from the cup. "and then i said to him that she's not spending the night and i kid you not, something in him just switched. he was like 'that's not your decision to make' but like, the way he said it... it was so unlike him. it's like i was talking to a whole different man."

"if this continues its gonna be a problem." wooyoung warns me cautiously.

"i know. i don't like where this is going."

---

i wake up, sitting up to look around, realizing i crashed at wooyoung's place. everything from last night coming back to me. i remember how yeonjun acted, that i cried and now i'm here.

"ahhh." i groan throwing myself back on the bed. how long is this going to go on for?

"rise and shine." wooyoung calls out a little too chipper. he enters the room and i glare at him. "what's with that face? come on i made you breakfast."

"you didn't have to."

"you say that all the time and yet here we are. come on grumpy." he says, pulling me out of bed.

"i'm not grumpy." i mumble with a pout.

"say again."

"nothing."

"thought so."

he makes me sit down at the kitchen table where the table is set with my favourite breakfast. i thank him, sitting down.

"don't be shy."

i smile at him, immediately digging in.

"slow down. the food isn’t running away." he warns and i apologize briefly.

my phone starts ringing and i check to see who it is but my smile falters and wooyoung looks at me worried.

"who is it?"

"yeonjun."

his face falls at my answer, as if a happy moment was ruined.

"answer."

i nod, answering his call but i take a moment before saying anything.

"babe?"

"hello."

"baby, please come over, or rather, i'm coming over-" his voice sounds hasty, his breathing choppy, as if he ran a marathon.

i look at wooyoung for a second with hesitance and he's just minding his own business but the look on his face shows he's upset.

"don't bother." i tell him bluntly. i'm still not over last night so let me be petty today.

"why? is everything alright?"

"i'm not home." wooyoung looks up and shakes his head making me sigh. "look, i'll be right there. just make sure your friend is not there once i arrive."

"come on y/n not this again."

"i'm serious yeonjun." i hang up before throwing my phone on the table. letting out a sigh in frustration because i don't want to go to him right now. he could at least let me enjoy my morning.

"go on." is all wooyoung says before standing up and clearing up the dishes to wash them. his mood has clearly drastically different now.

"wooyoung-"

"go talk to him. you can't leave these things unresolved like this. go talk to him and sort this mess out."

"but wooyoung."

"no, not another word. besides you can always come back once you're done." he suggests so i just agree.

"okay."

i walk out, calling an uber to yeonjun's apartment building, deciding not to walk there.

i make my way to the elevator where i see mara walking out. i try to avoid her, not wanting to even talk to her because it will just ruin my mood completely.

"oh? look who it is."

dammit.

i put on my fakest smile, turning to face her. "hi mara."

"going to yeonjun's?" she asks and i fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"no i'm here to see soobin. haven't seen him in a while." i respond sarcastically.

"soobin is in the states."

wow i had no idea.

"great then who else could i possibly be here for?" i ask her in the most real yet fake questioning tone.

"why don't you just give up already? no matter how hard you try, yeonjun will always pick me over you anyway." she smugly remarks and i roll my eyes.

"is that why you he asked you to leave for me to come see him at my request, might i add. i wouldn’t be proud to be a choice sweetie." the elevator door opens once again and i get in, waving at her as the doors close.

something inside me is restless though because deep down i have a feeling that she might be right. he's chosen her over me multiple times so i'm afraid she's right.

once i reach his floor, i walk to his door and knock, hearing shuffling before the door opens.

"you didn't have to knock you know. i'd know it's you." he says blankly and i roll my eyes.

"yeah well then i guess we both acting different."

"babe- wait, those are last nights clothes." he looks at me suspiciously and i raise my eyebrows.

"i'm aware."

"then where were you so early in the morning? you said you didn't go home last night?" he questions.

"why do you care?"

"because you're my girlfriend, of course i care, y/n be serious please." i scoff at his words. at this point, i feel like he thinks i’m a joke because he always says that to me.

"i am being serious. you haven't been treating me like i'm your girlfriend so i don't see what's wrong with my question."

"what are you even saying? and where did you go last night then?"

"oh now you're questioning me? you called me over to talk so tell me what you needed to so i can go."

his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me confused.

"i wanted to spend time with you since our date last night was ruined." he says softly.

"and who ruined it?"

"don't start. just please tell me where you wer-"

"wooyoung's place."

his face drops to an expressionless one and he just looks at me.

"why the long face now all of a sudden? what's wrong?"

"you get mad at me for having mara over but it’s okay for you to spend the night at wooyoung's place? how is that fair? besides, i only went there because of you."

"because of me?" he questions and i nod. "why? tell me."

"because he's the one who was able to give me comfort after the way you spoke to me. you chose to let mara crash our date for the nth time." he remains silent. "what now? much like you were there for mara, wooyoung did the same for me."

"was it to spite me?” he asks me and i scoff.

“not everything is about you jun.”

“i don't want you going near him anymore. if you have a problem you come to me." i scoff, rolling my eyes at what he just said what does he think this is?

he has to be joking. he is joking right?

"and if you are the problem?"

he looks at me confused with his head tilted trying to figure out what i meant.

"what do you even mean?"

"i mean that you, choi yeonjun, are the problem in this scenario." i tell him and try to walk out but he grabs my wrist.

"let go."

"not until we resolve this."

i sigh to myself knowing he's right. we need to actually talk about this or it will just get out of control.

"come sit down." he gently speaks walking with me to the living room.

"y/n please tell me what's wrong." he asks once we've sat down. we're facing each other while he holds both of my hands in his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs.

"mara and how you are around her."

he let's one of my hands go to run his hand through his hair, an irritated expression making its way on his face.

"you always act different when she's around."

"why are you always bringing her into this?"

"she's getting in the middle of us." i tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"baby she's my best friend, that's all."

"and she likes you."

"don't talk shit."

he thinks i'm talking nonsense? it's clear as day that she has feelings for him and it frustrating that he can't see it but him talking to me like this? absolutely not.

"i'm telling the truth. tell me, how come she always has an emergency whenever we're together?"

"i don't know. look it's not right to blame someone else for this. do you not trust me?"

"of course i do! if i didn't trust you, i wouldn't have left the two of you alone together and i would’ve questioned you the way you just did when i walked in. i just want you to see what's really going on here."

"y/n." he reaches for my hand again to hold it. "whether she likes me or not, that shouldn't matter anyway. i love you and only you and that won't change."

"then why do you always choose to be with her instead?" i ask him and he tenses.

"what?"

"you always choose her. whenever it comes down to it, it's always gonna be her. she even said it herself in the lobby and i told her off but i knew deep down that she’s actually telling the truth."

"y/n."

"like last night, for example. she showed up and you stopped our plans to go help her even though there are many other people she could've ran to, then when i walked out, you did nothing."

"this is ridiculous."

"you are being ridiculous, yeonjun. you don't wanna see what's right in front of you."

"are you jealous of her or something? babe i tell you time and time again that she's just a friend!" he raised his voice at me and i pull my hands away from him.

"oh i'm jealous... that's what it is, right? i'm jealous because my boyfriend is making time for someone else. i’m jealous because my boyfriend let's me leave to spend the night with another girl. is that what you're saying?" i question, standing up, ready to leave.

"stop talking, you're making it seem like something it's not. besides you have no right getting upset since you spend all your time with wooyoung anyway."

"BECAUSE HE AT LEAST HAS TIME FOR ME! it's selfish, yes but he has time for me when you are too busy giving all of yours to someone else!"

"are you that hungry for attention that you're too busy looking for it elsewhere?"

"fuck you yeonjun." with that i walk out and go straight back to wooyoung's apartment.

---

there is a movie playing but it's just background noise at this point because my thoughts are running wild.

i found myself staying at wooyoung's apartment for the past 3 days since my argument with yeonjun.

he let me stay here and he's been nothing but accommodating and i feel like i'm taking advantage of his kindness which is the last thing i want to do.

"wooyoung."

"hmm?"

"thank you." is all i say and he sits up from his seat.

"for what?" he asks, not knowing where all of this is coming from.

"thank you." i repeat, feeling a burning sensation in my eyes.

"y/n." i look down and he moves to the loveseat i'm sitting on. he sees the tears forming on my eyes and immediately hugs me. "what did he say to you?"

i can't answer, the words are stuck in my throat and i couldn't answer him.

"it's okay. it'll be okay."

"i don't think it will." he stops patting my back for a second before continuing.

"don't be like this y/n. he’ll open his eyes eventually."

"i'm afraid it will be too late by then." i say sadly, more to myself than anything but i said it too loud because wooyoung heard.

he pulls away to take a brief look at me.

"what do you mean by that?"

"i'm reaching my limit here."

"don't make any hasty decisions."

"i'm not wooyoung. i love him, i really do, but if loving him is only going to get me feeling like this then it's really not worth it."

"y/n-"

"it's tiring." i tell him letting more tears fall at the thought of possibly ending my relationship with yeonjun.

"whatever you choose to do, i'll be right by your side." he softly tells me with eyes filled with sorrow as he watches me cry. "and if he doesn't appreciate you someone else definitely will. you're a sweet girl who deserves only the best and it kills me to see that that's not what you're getting."

he makes me look in his eyes and mouths something that i couldn't quite catch what he said. he wipes away my tears with this tumbs, all while keeping eye contact with me.

"someone will treat you better y/n." he whispers, letting out a sigh before looking away. "come on, let's do something that'll get your mind off him." he suggests. i don't know what he means by that.

"sure."

"alright, follow me." he takes my hand and takes me to his room, further confusing me.

"wooyoung?"

"shhh." he rummages through his closet and get a long sleeve shirt, handing it to me. "wear this."

"what's this for?" i ask, looking at him.

"just wear it. there's a method behind my madness."

i just shrug and put it on over my tank top and we walk out.

---

"a rage room?"

"why not?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders before we both walk in and book a session.

the lady explains the rules to us and before i know it, i'm breaking everything around me with out a care in the world. i'm imagining mara’s face before hitting something which really helps get the aggression out.

"FUCK! YOU! CHOI! YEONJUN!" i scream while breaking the things around me. "AND FUCK THAT MARA BITCH TOO!"

wooyoung just looks at me with a wide smile which is still visible through the protective gear.

once our session is over he takes us both to go eat some street food and i feel calm after all that.

"you know, i needed that." i breath out in content.

"yeah?"

"yeah. is it concerning to feel better after imagining someone's face over an object before hitting it to oblivion?" he laughs making me smile a bit, not thinking what i said was gonna be funny but go figure.

"it's not hard to imagine someone's face over something you're gonna throw at a wall."

"who's face were you imagining?" i ask him, turning to face him on the bench.

"the one who made you cry." i stop eating briefly at what he said.

"not too much bow, he's still your best friend."

"that doesn't excuse his shitty behavior." he sing-songs before taking a bite from his food.

"still." i try to grap a fry from his box while he’s not looking but he staws my hand away before i can even get far.

"hey."

"you have your own."

"had my own." i frown showing him the empty box.

"ask next time. here." he says giving me some and i smile, thanking him.

"the weather is so nice today."

"not with that fucking vanilla talk."

"last time i try to create conversation." we laugh together, looking at the sun setting.

i feel a lot better now after going to the rage room and taking out all of my frustration.

"ready to go home?" he asks once we're done.

"can we go to your place?"

"and what will your boyfriend think of that?" he asks teasingly.

"he won't like it but i spent the last two nights at yours so what's another night?"

"i don't want him to freak out on us for that. come i'll take you home."

"please wooyoung. i don't wanna be alone tonight."

"then call yeonjun. i think you both need to sit and talk with a clear mind.”

"we tried that already, remember?"

"try again." he urges and i sigh, taking my phone and dialing his number. it rings but he doesn't pick up.

"voicemail, see he’s still mad. let's go."

“y/n” he warns and i sigh, giving in, deciding not to make this an even bigger deal.

once i get home and wooyoung has left i lay in bed, listening to the music playing on the speaker.

yeonjun and i have been together for 3 years now and we've never gone through something like this nor have i ever considered the possibility of breaking up with him so how did we get this far?

i pick up my phone to text him. i just wanna see something.

me:

yeonjun please come over quick!!

please.

something happened!!

i put my phone down to see if he will even respond.

"in my head we never grow apart. in my head you never break my heart. but we know that's not what we're doing. 'cause baby this not like the movies." i sing along softly letting a tear fall hearing no notification go off on my phone. this is exactly why i didn't wanna be alone tonight.

---

wooyoung's pov

i sit with san in his apartment just relaxing, catching up, all that fun stuff. it's been quite a while since we actually got to just hang out and talk but right now i just wish more than anything that he'd shut up or change the topic because he is driving me insane.

"i say be selfish." he finally says with a shrug to finish off his little rant.

"what do you mean by that?" i ask him, narrowing my eyes at his final statement.

"look, yeonjun is being a complete dick right now and who does she run to afterwards?"

"me?"

"bingo." he smiles, taking a sip from his can of beer.

"i'm not picking up what you're putting down."

"she goes to you for comfort and you treat her the way her boyfriend is supposed to. be selfish and let them break up. i mean, why are you even trying to help save a dying relationship?"

"because i respect both of them and their relationship. besides, that's just taking advantage of her vulnerability you ass."

sometimes he doesn't think past the present.

"and its not like she'd ever look at me that way. no matter what the state of her relationship with yeonjun is, she will still love him regardless." i tell him sadly. she's deeply in love with him and it hurts me so much because it's not certain if he shares the same sentiment anymore and i'm just here waiting to give her the love she deserves.

my phone rings and i pick up without checking who's calling.

"hello."

"jung wooyoung."

speak of the devil.

"y/n."

"wooyoung are you home?"

her words are slurred and my worry spikes. she's drunk in broad daylight. it's never a good sign.

"JUNG WOOYOUNG!"

i hear her starting to cry judging by the feint sniffing on the ither side.

"are you also tired of me now too?"

"where are you?"

"don't worry if you're busy right now. i don't wanna bother you." she hiccups, before yawning loudly.

"you're not. please tell me where you are."

"the streets." she laughs hysterically before catching her breath. "i'm outside yeonjun's apartment building."

her voice wavers when she says that and my heart sinks. what did that asshole do to her this time?

"i'm coming there okay. don't go anywhere."

i hang up, ready to get my keys.

"where are you running off to?" san questions with a raised eyebrow.

"to pick y/n up. she's not doing too good."

"let me come with."

"okay let's go."

once we get to the complex i see y/n sitting on the ground looking out of it.

"holy shit." i hear san whisper as we run to her and get her off the floor.

"wooyoung?" she smiles widely it doesn’t reach her eyes. she looks a mess with swollen eyes and tears still running down her cheeks. i feel terrible.

"if she can show up drunk at his door then why can't i? why am i not allowed to go to him all vulnerable like she does? i'm his girlfriend, not her!" she starts shouting out of nowhere which draws attention from a couple of people around us.

this isn't fair anymore. if he's gonna keep pushing her around like this he might as well just end this relationship instead of continuously making her feel like absolute shit.

"why doesn't he love me anymore wooyoung? why? why don't you love me anymore yeonjun?! what did i do?" she starts yelling, properly sobbing now, hitting my chest while she speaks.

"get lost." san says, probably talking to someone who is probably staring. i need to get her away from these people looking at her weirdly.

i take her to the car, getting in the back with her so she can sit comfortably.

"what did he do?" i ask her once she’s seated comfortably.

"he kicked me out because that bitch was there. she probably called him crying or some shit but i'm crying too." she points to herself, choking on her tears. "YEONJUN SEE I'M CRYING TOO!" she shouts to no one. i close my eyes, letting tears of my own fall. i haven’t seen her like this before. 'aww, look, you woke up poor mara who’s sad and going through things, and she’s sad and not doing too well.' it's always about poor sad mara! you know, he called me an attention seeker the other day? an attention seeker for wanting the bare minimum from my boyfriend. he's with that girl so much, he might as well be her boyfriend and not mine right?" she humorlessly laughs. "and then he had the audacity to tell me i can't be around you anymore. who does he think he is?”

did he seriously tell her she can’t be around me anymore? but then he continues to act the way he does. if y/n can't confide in me or him then who else is she supposed to run to?

“he's not mine anymore wooyoung. i think i've lost him."

i shake my head as she cries in my shoulder.

where did it all go wrong? i mean, he's never been like this before so what now? why is he acting differently now?

"enough is enough. san, please take her home and take care of her. make sure she drinks water and sobers up. i'll be there soon." i tell san who's in the passenger seat and he nods.

"san is here? hi san." she smiles widely, waving in no particular direction.

i give him the keys and wait for him to drive off before heading to yeonjun's apartment, knocking on the door and i wait for him to open. he's got a look of surprise written in his face.

"wooyoung? what are you doing here?" he asks and i shrug. "come in."

i walk in seeing another pair of shoes already there. he offers me a drink which i decline.

"is mara here?" i ask and he nods. "yeah, she's asleep in the room."

"i see."

what's gotten into him? he used to be the most attentive person when it came to y/n so what changed?

"what on earth do you think you're doing?" i ask him.

"sorry?" he asks me, completely dumbfounded by my sudden question.

"do you think what you're doing is right?"

"what's this all about?" he questions, clearly not expecting me to start asking him questions.

"mara is here sleeping am i right?" he nods. "and where is y/n, if you don't mind me asking."

"i sent her home. she came here, caused a scene and started drunkenly shouting so i sent her home because she could've woke mara up." i wanna strangle him so bad right now but i just scoff, deciding to choose peace.

"doesn't it concern you that she's coming to you drunk at 3 in the afternoon?" i ask him but it seems like i'm talking to a brick wall.

"what?"

"you're so dense."

"look, if you came here to do the same then you can go see yourself out."

"do you understand the shit you're putting y/n through?"

"don't involve yourself, this is between y/n and i." he warns but i'm not backing down. he either does something to fix this or he breaks up with her and he's deciding that today. i don't care anymore.

"no, its between you, y/n and mara so i will involve myself too. y/n has been crying non stop for days now because of you and your inability to see what mara is actually doing here."

"she didn't do anything. y/n clearly doesn't trust me to be around her so she's obviously gonna wanna cause a scene."

i raise my eyebrows at his bold choice of words. so he defends her by belittling his own girlfriend... it's bewildering to me.

"you're unbelievable. through all of this, when has she ever accused you of cheating with mara?" he remains silent. what else can he say? there's no way to defend the way he's acting right now and i will call him out for it. "she does trust you asshole, all she wants from you is for you to not blow her off because mara needs you. she needs you too yeonjun."

i'm saying all of this but a small part of me hopes he stays stubborn like this and they break up. san is right, it is selfish but i wanna be there for y/n the way yeonjun is failing to. she deserves so much more than this and that's what i wanna give her but then again.

but there's a small part of me that know i still don't have a chance anyway. she doesn't see me that way and that's the only reason i'm here trying to help save tis relationship. even if it hurts me in the end.

"i'm with her all the time." he defends and i scoff. there's no way he's actually being serious right now.

"that's bullshit and we both know it. when was the last time you two actually spent quality time together?"

"two weeks ago and then she walked out."

"without interruptions." i clarify and yeonjun's face drops. i don't know what he's thinking right now but he better be realizing his mistakes.

"you called her an attention seeker for wanting to be with her boyfriend who's too busy with another girl."

"you're making it sound like something it isn't."

"well how am i supposed to know what actually goes down when the two of you are alone together."

that hits a nerve because he yells for me to shut up and i just smile at his reaction.

"don't you ever accuse me of such things EVER. i love y/n way too much to even think about doing that to her so who are you to even question me on that? besides, you're the last one to talk."

"excuse me?"

don't act like you're not always with her. who knows what you two are doing behind my back?" he asks and i raise my eyebrows. someone needs to be here to slap some sense into him because he's genuinely lost it. if he loves her so much then why is he acting like this.

"that's how much you trust her and i? you know, she's never questioned you about mara. you say love her but you don't trust her? is that it yeonjun? and you have the audacity to say you love her then why don't you fucking show it? she sat outside this very building for who knows how long crying her eyes out asking why you don't love her anymore. she asked why mara can come to you in that very state but she can't and she's your girlfriend, no less. you know what else she said? she said she thinks  she's lost you. she said you're not hers anymore. are you hearing me? she's giving up on you and she’s giving up on trying to singlehandedly save your relationship." i tell him while he looks at me with tears forming in his eyes.

oh now he's listening...

"you know, she's told me before that she's thinking of breaking up with you because loving you is hard and she doesn't think it's worth all this pain it’s giving her."

"she said that?" he asks and i nod.

"i'm gonna give you an ultimatum. it's y/n or mara."

"quit playing wooyoung."

"i'm not. either choose mara and end it with y/n and i will personally make sure it ends or choose y/n and stop being friends with mara."

"why? you hoping i choose mara so that she can run into your arms?" he asks rhetorically but that question has an answer already.

"yes i am, actually. she's already doing that, isn't she?"

"you son of a bitch. i always knew you had feelings for her. if you ever say shit like that to me it won't end well."

"look, i was never even trying to hide it. she only runs to me after you treat her like trash. she doesn't see me like that and you know that. that's why i'm here right now. because no matter what my feelings for her are, you’re the  one she thinks about. you're all she talks about. i know i don't have a chance otherwise you two would've broken up the moment she came to me the first time crying because of you. make a choice yeonjun." i say before walking away.

---

reader's pov

headache. a fucking headache is the last thing i need right now.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"how are you feeling?"

i open my eyes to see san standing by the door with a mug in hand.

"horrible. why did i do all that?"

"i made some tea for you." he hands me the cup and i thank him, taking a sip a little too quickly because i burnt my tongue. "easy now."

"sorry."

"what happened yesterday?" he asks sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me.

"where do i even start?"

"ladies and gentlemen. sorry i have a little announcement. attention everyone." i slur out to everyone who's around me in the bar. it's more on the secluded part of the club so i can get away with making a little announcement. i just need these people to listen.

"ma'am, get down from there." a man who's sitting at the bar tries to help me down but i haven't said what i needed to yet.

"hold on i need to tell everyone this. HELLO!! yes."

"ma'am get down or i'm afraid we'll have to throw you out."

"my boyfriend is an asshole." i laugh hysterically, clapping and everything. "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE YEONJUN!!"

"get down!"

"okay okay i am. relax." the people around me helped me down but i was escorted out because these people are boring and don't know how to loosen up.

i could go to yeonjun. i hope he's not busy with mara right now. i miss him and we haven't spoken in a good minute.

i decide to walk, not really feeling like sitting in a stuffy car.

once i get there, i take a breath before knocking on the door and wait for him to open but nothing so i just enter.

"CHOI YEONJUN!" where is he? "babe i miss you where are you?"

"y/n?" he appears from his room and i immediately run to him for a hug.

"were you drinking?" he asks annoyed. what's his problem?

"just a little. i had like 5..."

"y/n."

"bottles." i burst out laughing but he doesn't seem to find it funny. so uptight.

"y/n you're drunk."

"am not." i pout and he rolls his eyes.

"why are you drinking at this time of the day?"

"because of you. you made me feel like shit when you didn't respond my message yesterday. o drank because you don't care about me yeonjun. you didn't even call to check. WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST CALL ME? TELL ME!"

"yeonjun?" i look at the person calling his name and there stands mara in the doorway to his room.

"babe is she wearing my clothes?" i ask him after eyeing her up and down.

"she's just borrowing them."

"no you are incorrect. YOU yeonjun, took it upon yourself to give her my clothes. borrowing would imply that she asked me to wear my clothes and me allowing her to but it's nothing of the sort. see how it works? come on, go change." i tell her walking towards her but yeonjun holds me back from walking forward.

"what am i going to wear then? jun please speak to her." she is such a bit-

"y/n."

"give her yours then. there problem solved, now everyone can have their tea. i'm so smart." i pat myself on the back beaming at my bright idea.

"y/n you're embarrassing yourself."

"in front of who?" i start looking around to see if there's anyone else here but it's just the three of us. "i don't see anyone."

"me. you're embarrassing me."

"okay but in front of who though?"

"y/n go home, alright, you're drunk and you woke mara up."

"oh sorry mara. i didn't mean to barge into your home and wake you up. and don't even worry about my clothes you can have them. you've already taken something else from me, getting upset over clothes would just be trivial."

"Y/N!" i immediately stop talking, flinching from him shouting my name suddenly. my heart starts rapidly beating and my breaking picks up pace. "please just go home. now."

i nod, trying to hold back my tears as i walk out the door.

"im so sorry y/n." san said, taking my hand in his to try to comfort me. i keep my head ducked.

the door opens and wooyoung walks in.

"san what did you do to her?" he jokes making me laugh a little bit.

"nothing. shut up."

"y/n, can i talk to you?"

"sure." he walks in, sitting down next to san.

"i spoke to yeonjun." he starts off but i don't wanna hear it. anything with regards to him, i don't wanna hear it. his name alone just upsets me.

"let's not mention his name right now."

"i gave him an ultimatum." he blankly says and i look at him.

"what's the point? he's chosen her time and time again, what's the point? and talking about him will just piss me off." i dismiss the idea, not wanting to talk about it further. "let's talk about something else." i suggest.

"you really not gonna talk to him?" san asks and i shake my head.

"i don't want to. you know, something in me keeps telling me to just meet up with him so i can end it, but i'm weak. i'm too weak to do something like that."

"you can't avoid him either though." wooyoung injects but i shake my head.

"then give me time to think things over."

"i'll respect whatever decision you make." he says.

"thank you woo. but please don't let me cause a dent in your friendship. the last thing i want is for you two to stop talking on my expense."

"i'm just gonna say it. y/n, you're too good for him." san says making me smile.

"thank you." i finish my tea and take a shower before heading back to my place.

--

i look through the racks of the detergent aisle. i've been needing to buy groceries for a while.

the past week after the whole incident at yeonjun's apartment have been complete hell. a whole back and forth of emotions and its honestly too much for me but i need some air and run errands and basically get my shit together because i can't let a man put my whole life on pause like this.

my phone beeps and i check, smiling while reading wooyoung's message. him and san have been checking up on me every 3 hours, driving me up the wall here and there but i appreciate it nonetheless.

once i get home, carrying my groceries, genuinely in a good mood after actually taking a walk but ummm.

"what are you doing here?" i ask the girl.

"just visiting a mutual friend." she slyly responds making me roll my eyes.

"get lost."

"no."

"suit yourself."

i unlock the door, going in, shutting it in her face, waving before locking the door.

because i thought a bitch said something. i do not have time today.

i put on my music, deciding to clean up and pack my stuff like the mature adult i am.

while i'm going through my bills, i hear rattling at the door.

now who's trying to break in?

i stand up to go check, deciding to bang on the door to stop this person but then they start again.

"see what i’m not gonna do is deal with this rattling noise going through these thin ass walls, if you wanna get in just knock like a normal person dammit!"

the person knocks and i open the door. why? i don't know, i could literally be in danger.

"what the hell do you want?" i look at the tall man in front of me, not really expecting him to be standing there.

"oh it’s you." i try to close the door but he pushes it and keeps it open. "are you here to shout at me for closing the door in your precious mara's face?" i ask looking at the girl standing behind him.

"i'm here to talk to you."

"i don't wanna talk to you. look i've been having a good day today so please take your little hip attachment and leave."

she looks at me smugly and i decided to just turn a blind eye because she's pissing me off.

"mara please leave." he tells her not even looking at her. her face drops and i look at yeonjun, confused.

"do you want me to wait for you outside?" she asks him, voice getting high pitched as if she wasn't sounding like someone's father while speaking to me earlier.

"go home mara." he sternly tells her.

"jun-"

"leave." he urges making her open and close her mouth like a fish. deserved bitch.

"yeonjun why are you here?" i ask in a defeated tone not really in the mood to talk to him right now.

"i wanted to talk to you. can we please talk?"

"no." i try closing the door again and he stops my from doing so again.

"please y/n."

"i don't want to talk to you right now. please just leave me alone and don't be so rude to mara. go with her and leave me alone please."

"y/n."

"GO."

"i'm not ready to give up on us y/n."

"I TRIED WITH YOU YEONJUN! i've been trying with you. it’s only when i've reached my limit when you come to me with that? it took someone to force you to make a choice for you to realize the shit you’ve done but all those times i've pleaded with you flew over your head. i stood in your apartment drunk as a cry for help and you threw me out because i woke your dearest friend up! i took everything and accepted it quietly. you called me names and i accepted it, you spoke to me however you wanted to and i accepted it. you had that girl in MY CLOTHES, USING MY SHIT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED AND I FUCKING KEPT QUIET. i never once doubted you or your relationship with mara, only to have wooyoung tell me that you had the fucking audacity to question my loyalty to you when i've never given you a reason to. it's not fair so for you to come here, sending mara away in front of me as if to prove a point and demand that i talk to you. it's just pathetic." i yell out to him, finally getting it off my chest.

it felt good to actually say it and dare i say, to shout at him the way i did.

"you're only here because wooyoung gave you an ultimatum and that's what fucking opened your eyes? i'm your girlfriend yeonjun, not a choice and if it's gotten to a point where you havr to you're have to choose me or someone else then please just don't bother choosing me, it's insulting. now please give me some time and leave from here."

he nods his head and i can see the prominent pain in his eyes but i need to stand my ground.

he finally leaves and i shut the door. i truly can't believe this guy.

the last couple of weeks have been hell and here he comes all willy-nilly talking about some, 'i'm not giving up on us' well it sure as hell felt like it. after pushing me away for so long he only comes to me now after i've given up? i've told him how i felt but he only listened after someone else told him.

"fuck you yeonjun!" i sob out quietly. i've found myself saying that a lot lately because who does he actually think he is?

still, after all the heartache, my heart is still too weak to leave him.

he's just a caring person though. that's how he is but if he's caring, then we wouldn't be like this now.

i know that mara is the main reason all of this is happening, he's never acted this way until she developed feelings for him and decided to try to separate us, but he still made his own decisions regardless of that. he let her get between us and he chose to treat me the way he did.

i wanna get back to how we once were but there's this lingering question of 'what if this all happens again?'. i mean, he didn't hesitate to forget me once so what's stopping him from doing it again?

my phone rings and i walk to go pick it up, seeing it's wooyoung calling.

"hello?"

"are you dumb?" he asks me and i furrow my eyebrows.

"okay ouch, first of all, and second, where is this coming from?" i ask him.

"why did you shut yeonjun down when he wanted to talk things out?"

"because i'm tired woo. he's been putting me on the back burner for another girl for weeks before i said anything and when i did, it all just spiraled after that. he spoke to me any which way and i took it but it became too much. i'm tired from all the chasing." i rant out to him, feeling tears forming.

--

"so what does this mean for the two of you?" he asks.

that's a good question...

the next week has just been me thinking everything through. 3 years together is a long time to consider.

i call yeonjun telling him i’m outside before entering the building. i walk to his door thinking over, knocking on it before he opens it.

"y/n. uh come in." he steps aside, allowing me in. being in here fills my head with nothing but memories of the recent events. that's not a good sign.

"do you want anything?" he asks but i decline.

sitting at the kitchen table in awkward silence, my leg bouncing up and down from the nerves that have taken over.

"i'm sorry for lashing out on you last timea. i didn't let you explain your side of the story which was unfair on my part." i tell him, avoiding eye contact.

"how you reacted was valid. i haven't been the best boyfriend to you for a long time now and i wanna apologize for everything. for the way i spoke to you and treated you. it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary and i should have listened to you the first time, no actually, i shouldn't have given you a reason to feel that way in the first place."

i see tears forming in his eyes as he speaks and it takes a lot in me to not engulf him in a hug to comfort him. i can't do that right now, i need to be headstrong.

"it shouldn't have taken someone else to talk to me about this before realizing what i did to you and i should have managed my priorities better. you know, you're the most important person to me and i didn't show it and worst of all, i questioned your loyalty to me, not once but twice."

i never once did. not even when i saw mara walk out of his room because that's how much i trust him. you can't love without trust and he clearly couldn't seem to trust me and that's what stings the most.

that's what breaks my heart more than anything. i haven't given any reason to feel that way which is why i was shocked when he doubted got just me but wooyoung as well. everything between us has been nothing but platonic but clearly he didn't see it that way. a tear rolls down his cheek and i look away so that i don't see him crying, it's my biggest weakness.

"i should know better than anyone that you wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. look, i regret everything y/n. you shouldn't be apologizing for the way you reacted yesterday, i was wrong, i let someone get between us and i hurt you. that's my biggest regret." he says.

we both have tears running down our eyes but i still refuse to look in his eyes. he takes hold of my hand before continuing to talk.

"i'm not asking for you to forgive me right away because i know that's a big ask but let me earn it please."

"okay. you can earn my forgiveness." i smile weakly at him before quickly looking away. "by letting me go." i finish and i feel his grip on my hand loosen a bit.

and that is why i didn't want to look in his eyes. because i know i wouldn't be able to tell him that had i looked in his eyes.

it hurts to do but i know it's the best decision for me right now.

" y/n, what- what are you saying?" he asks, stumbling over his words.

"i thought about this yeonjun. the things you've said to me, the things you've done. it was so easy for you to forget how to act, who's to say it won't happen again?"

"i cut ties with mara."

"it shouldn't have to get to that point. that means that you'd let this keep happening otherwise. it shouldn't get to the point of you having to choose."

"i don't wanna lose you." he weakly tells me but i shake my head.

"actions have consequences. please let me go. let's end this here." i feel the lump in my throat forming and that's the last thing i need. i can't let myself change my mind now. i've had to think about this far too long to let myself fall back in his arms. it's for the best.

"is that really what you want?" he asks and i nod, not trusting myself to talk. "then that's it."

i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"i love you yeonjun."

"i love you too." he says before letting go of my hand.

i walk out without looking back, because if i do, i'll just run back to him.

‘sorry heart, i guess we’ll just have to start again.’

i let more tears fall as i walk into wooyoung's car.

"ready to go?" he asks and i nod and with that he drives off.

"you missed the exit." i told him and he just smiles.

"i know."

"where are we going?"

"who knows?"

"wooyoung."

"you need to see some scenery, get some air, and let your mind relax so that's why. remember, there's a method behind my madness. there always is." he saus smiling.

"thank you woo."

"don't. you deserve the best and i'll always be there to give you just that." he says to me making me smile.

[tremarctoss]

those great whites they have big teeth

warnings: future NSFW; not canon or epilogue compliant; mind the tag

notes: 7k+ words, no beta

ao3 // gif source

In his last attempts to stop quickly growing unrest, President Snow decides to listen to Plutarch Heavensbee and promote his very own star-crossed lowers.

I try to hurry up the steps of the Capitol Theatre but my handler - an elderly woman named Antonia wearing a wig in the colour of fresh lime - is stopping me all the time and asking to pose for photographs. Perhaps her ulterior motive was to blind me because my eyes need several seconds to come back to normal after flashes assault them.

- Rosamund! - a paparazzi calls my name and points a little higher to the steps on my right that a woman from Capitol was posing before.

- He wants you there. - Antonia says while pushing me up. - Perhaps look at them over your arm?

Perhaps not but I know I need to do as she says. I let her style the long dress train and my hair and try to give my widest smile to the people with the cameras. I hoped at first that the light pink dress chosen for me would be too boring here but people seem to love the bow on my back. Thankfully, just as I consider rolling back down the stairs the crowd goes wild. 

- Oh, it's Gloss and Enobaria. - Antonia sounds dreamy. - They look so beautiful together.

I take my chance and hike up my skirts and dart up the stairs before she can react. I tiptoe behind Caesar interviewing Cecelia about the Games. What does she think about the couple that won the Games? What about their fighting style? There is no way I want to answer those questions so I rush inside the theatre.

Dear god, this whole experience makes me dislike Plutarch even more. Why did I agree to work with him again?

- Excuse me, please excuse me. - I am not sure why I even bother. Most of the people don't move and I have to squeeze myself in to pass them making sure no one steps on my dress. 

I try to find someone I know, any familiar face just to not feel like a pig being led to the slaughter. 

- Excuse me, - I say and a man wearing glasses looks at me like I am an alien from another universe. - Beetee, right?

- Yes. Rosamund, am I correct? - He gives me his hand and I shake it. - I don't think I have seen you here since your games.

He sounds curious but not unkind. I feel hopeful for a moment before reminding myself that everyone can be an enemy here.

- Yeah, - I giggle nervously. - Listen, I know it's dumb and I don't want to bother you but I don't know anyone here so would you be so kind as to tell me what we are supposed to do here? I lost both my escort and people from my District somewhere. 

I don't tell him how hopeful I am that Antonia broke her neck. And there's no point in bothering either Roman or Lucius. They are probably doing coke somewhere.

- It's the first premiere ever so I truly don't know either. - his voice is kind again but I cannot stop myself from getting closer to him when I feel another hand on my body. I desperately want people to stop touching me.

- Yeah, do you mind if I stay with you? I tried following Blight up the stairs but I was too slow. Sorry if that's too much you don't need to…

- Hey, - he stops my spiral and grabs me by my arm. - Everything's fine, you are not bothering me. Just breathe, all right? I actually like having someone around too.

- Do you guys mind pretending to talk with me and going somewhere looking busy so I can get fucking drunk? - Haymitch, the most important person here probably, and one of the worst to hang around if you want to stay on Snow’s good side, puts his hand on Beetee’s hand that's on my arm.

I should want to stay on Snow’s good side but I don't care at the moment. I don’t think I ever cared after my father died. Plutarch wouldn’t be too happy with me I guess.

- Yes, please. - I say, fanning my face with my free hand. - Just give me a moment.

I force myself to stop breathing until my lungs hurt. The burning spreads to my face and my cheeks feel hot. Both men look at each other before taking me by the arms and leading me somewhere. There are dark spots in my vision and I must actually look terrible because the important-looking person who is supposed to be responsible for stopping us shows us a space to “take a break instead”.

It's a small space outside where people working at the theatre must be going to smoke a cigarette. There is an old red cup full of cigarette butts. There are also several bar-stools standing in a circle that we end up sitting on like teenagers plotting how to make our principal's life hell. Some kind of air conditioning machine loudly hums over our heads. I know because I have one at my Capitol-sponsored house back in my District. 

I cannot stop either the giggles that are leaving my mouth or the single tears that escape from each of my eyes. Carefully as not to destroy my make-up I wipe with a single finger under each eye.

- I always find it fascinating how you women do that. - Haymitch takes out a hip flask and points to my eyes before taking a huge sip, burps and I laugh nervously again. - Are you here just for the movie premiere?

- God, I wish. - I put my fingers under my eyes again. - Sorry, I think that whole not-breathing act did something to me. 

Why I cannot stop the tears?! It did not happen any other time I used this trick.

- I am here as damage control. I am supposed to meet my Capitol-approved partner. Apparently, they are also a Victor. - I look at Haymitch and some kind of disgust overtakes me. - I hope it’s not you!

The tears that follow are somehow bigger than the first ones. I use the end of my hair to wipe them off quickly.

- This is all stupid, I don't like this dress and don’t even get to have pockets! - I burst out crying now.

A chair fails and Haymitch stumbles out telling us to wait out. He comes back with someone and I recognize Cecelia immediately even through the tears. There are some kind of words exchanged and worried looks being sent my way. I pray for the air conditioning to fall on me and take me out.

- Head and hands up, inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth - Either Cecelia’s voice is like a balm for my soul or maybe it’s the fact that I did what she asked me to. She puts tissues under both of my eyes - Good, your makeup is waterproof. 

She dabs the tissues delicately to make sure there are no tears left and throws it away in the corner next to the mug. She sits on the stool in front of me.

- So you have no hints who’s the lucky guy? - she's not smiling.

- I don't have any idea. I forgot to ask. - I admit and am met with two groans and laughter. I think the last one is coming from Haymitch.

- We are forced to marry in my District by a certain age and I... - I admit and start cackling madly. - I took it as a chance to push that moment away a little I guess.

- None of your male Victors are married. - Beetee says.

- The laws only apply to women. - I don’t even hide how bitter I am about this.

- It will be someone from either one or two, - Cecelia sounds like she's trying to warn me.

- I doubt it. - Haymitch says. - the closest people in age to her are either not so popular or in relationships. Would look fishy or could turn into a PR disaster.

- But that leaves only Annie, Augustus, Finnick or Johanna. - Beetee says.

- Augustus is from Two. - Cecelia reminds him.

- Haymitch presses his lips together and looks at me like he is choosing his words very, very carefully.

- Can you run fast?

- What? - I ask and blink not understanding what he's hinting at. Maybe he's much more drunk or I am extra dumb right now. Anyway, the question makes me laugh. Everything makes me laugh today it seems.

- Finnick’s escort was getting attacked at least once per week by his rabid fans after they were photographed too close together. Effie told me someone even keyed her car. Twice.

- It may be Johanna or Augustus. - I say ignoring Cecelia’s previous comment.

- You don't want it to be them. - Haymitch tells me. - And Annie's, it’s the best for her not to be brought back here.

He looks genuinely sad for a moment, takes another sip and moves closer to me. Starts gesticulating with his hands. 

- It's gonna be Finnick for sure. You two are gonna be that picture-perfect couple everyone wants to be. A famous heartthrob coming back home to his crush he was hiding away from everyone. A romance growing away from prying eyes. A stunning and beautiful woman no one knows much about until you both are in a serious stage of your relationship. All the men will want a woman like that and all the women will try to look as appealing as you in hopes of getting someone like Finnick for themselves. And you know what? I am not sorry, in fact, I am very happy it's you.

Haymitch stands up and stumbles towards me. One of his hands ends up on my bare arm. 

- You may take attention from my victors and may help their families stay alive. I’m just sad for you that it’s Finnick that's your partner. But that won't keep me awake at night. 

A door opens and the man from before asks me if I am better. I get up from my chair very slowly making it look like I may still not be.

- You could at least pretend to be some kind of support. - I say bitterly to Haymitch and reach for Beetee when I stumble for real. 

Haymitch has the decency to look ashamed for maybe four seconds.

- I will do my best, I guess.

- What’s wrong with Finnick? - I ask when we step outside.

- Nothing. - says Beetee.

- He’s a peacock. - says Haymitch at the same time.

There's a huge group of people waiting outside the cinema hall. Cecelia helps me keep the end of my gown up when we join it so no one steps on it and I won't stumble or fall. Only now I am calm enough to watch the people here. Women are wearing mostly dresses with big sleeves and huge flower bands in their hair. It takes me a moment to realise that they are trying to copy Effie’s look from the reaping. Cecelia is wearing a simple yet elegant yellow gown that ends at her ankles. She has some bees sewn on her arms. My own gown looks somehow strange here, taking too much space. Plus it’s a little small in the breast area and I remind myself not to slouch and walk like Quasimodo.

Someone spots Haymitch with us and we are moved immediately inside. A person guiding us raves to us how amazing this new cinema hall is. The love seats are made from some kind of leather that got painted dark blue. There’s a tiny armrest in the middle of every loveseat that can be brought down. Between every love seat is a table with many buttons that allow you to call for various beverages - from water to wine and even vodka. Food is listed also: popcorn, pizza and chips.

There's no assigned seating so I point Blight to Cecelia when I see him and grab Beetee with my free hand. Haymitch ends next to Chaff behind us in the highest row. Mags is sitting next to Chaff on the other side. I wonder if we could move there instead but someone sits down there and she looks happy to see that man. I think he’s from 9 but I don’t remember.

- Not saving a seat for your boyfriend? - is the first thing out of Blight's mouth when I sit down next to him in a loveseat. 

- Hello to you too. - I say putting a smaller armchair down and ordering water for myself. - Why would I when I can put him in your lap?

The way he mocked me hurts me a little more than I would like to admit. And how does he know anyway? I turn away from him to Cecelia and Beetee who are talking about something called emdr therapy and gentle parenting.

- You have children? - I ask Beetee. I know Cecelia has three.

- No. - he looks a little sad. - But some of those approaches help when I work with Wiress.

I like it when people talk about things that they are passionate about and both Beetee and Cecelia try to cram as much information as they can in the short time to explain to me the psychological approach behind those ideas. Also how it can help adults with complex trauma. Blight starts hitting my knee with his own so I move my legs away, put my chin on my hand and lean closer to Cecelia. I ask them if there is a way I can get my hands on some of the information they learned about. They did not teach us anything like that at the secret school that is run by the rebels in our District.

Someone kicks my chair from behind. I ignore it and the kick happens again. I put the glass down and I send the worst look I can at Haymitch.

- Did you run out of people to annoy or are you trying to warn me that you are about to throw up on me? - I whisper in an angry tone.

He looks at me with one eyebrow raised and puts his hand on the armrest in between him and Blight. Why is Blight sitting there, anyway? A sudden realization hits me and my body turns cold. I straighten up and turn to my right to see who is there only to come face to face with smirking Finnick and snickering Johanna behind him.

God, his jaw alone looks stronger than my will to live.

- I can’t do this. - I whisper aloud and turn to Cecelia who is staring daggers at people sitting behind her but takes my hand.

My mind is blank for a whole minute trying to process the situation but the lights go out and the staff usher a few last people. Caesar walks on the stage and starts talking about the great event that is the first cinema premiere of the summary of Hunger Games. He has a glass of champagne in his hand and many people ask for drinks immediately. A choir from 12 is getting ready to sing before the movie. Their voices and the voices of people trying to sing along drunkenly become a white noise to me as I try as much as possible to ignore looks from the Victors around me and Finnick burning a hole in my face with his eyes. It seems only Cecelia is on my side and I clutch her hand as a lifeline.

I am going to murder Plutarch in his sleep. What was he even thinking? Did he slip that idea to Snow? Which one of them chose Finnick? No, forget it, why did I even agree to this anyway? Was my life really this bad back in 10? I was terribly lonely but I had food and a roof over my head. Why did I decide to change that? Was I that scared of being forced into marriage? How is this any different?

Haymitch is hitting my chair again and I close my eyes, take a deep breath and let go of Cecelia’s hand. I turn around to him. I act before I even think about what I am doing. I grab his foot with my hand and yank. Unfortunately, Cecelia yanks me too and I end back in my seat only with Haymitch’s shoe. No one seems to mind us as people are standing up to clap until the choir leaves. I throw the shoe in between me and Cecelia and kick it under the chair of the man from District 8 sitting in front of me. A foot in an old sock ends in between me and Cecelia when we are sitting down and I move my body away from it so fast I expect my back to hit an armchair strong enough to hurt. Instead, I collide with Finnick. His hand steadies me and I have no choice but to turn my face to him awkwardly.

- Sorry. - I say. He does not move his eyes from my face.

 I wish I could run through the deep forest green of his eyes.

- Are you? - he asks. He moves his legs a little and spreads his thighs. I cringe inside when my first reaction is to move mine away when we touch. Something arrogant fills the air. - I never saw someone turn me down so fast, I think my ego may be actually bruised for the first time. Perhaps you could give me a chance to change your mind?

And then he winks at me. I am genuinely humiliated with how the situation is turning out. 

Another kick from Haymitch and my head turns around so fast it may actually snap. He is making big eyes at me, drinks a whole glass of clear liquid that surely is not water and makes big eyes at me again. He looks like one of those huge white owls back home. Of course, if owls could get drunk. Blight is looking like he regrets changing his seat.

- Just ignore him, Snow’s not here so he will get drunk in no time.  - Finnick tells me.

He is watching me closely and his eyes move from my own to my mouth and back to my eyes again. He licks his lips and leans over my body to take my glass of water. Our bodies don’t touch but I can feel the heat of his body. He winks at me when he sits back.

- You should focus on me instead. - Finnick says and drinks from my glass watching me the whole time. I am sure his lips are touching it in a place where my lipstick is smeared. 

Someone groans behind us and I turn to see Blight with his face in his hand. Haymitch looks impressed and gives me a thumbs up. Cecelia nods at me gently. A strand of hair gets stuck on my face after I turn back around. Finnick moves it away before I even begin to lift my own hand. His left-hand ends casually on my thighs after.

The whole movie thing is a bizarre experience. People shout at the screen, scream obscenities and some jump up when the person they dislike ends up being shown during the interviews part of the movie. Some popcorn is getting thrown at the screen. The whole time Finnick’s hand is on my body, his fingers pressing into my skin from time to time.

I touch it when the bloodbath happens on the screen. It’s warm, his skin is soft and rough at the same time. He has some calluses on his fingers and I trace them with my nails back and forth for some time. I move onto his nails next and trace them too. Short and blunt. I touch every one of them slowly then move to the first one and trace every nail again. Then I trace every one of them two times and three and so on. 

It's dumb but it's everything I can do to not to think about what is happening around us. I hope it’s not annoying Finnick too much. Only when Peeta is covered in mud and mouths “Katniss” and some people laugh, I stop what I’m doing to Finnick’s hand. Instead I slide some bit further in my chair and move my knees into Finnick’s space. He brings his knee under both of mine and I suddenly feel very hot. There's a part inside my body that clenches when he moves his hand to my knees and squeezes the left. 

When Rue gets killed I start watching his hand instead of the screen and try to recognize all the things his smell brings to my mind. Salt like sea I guess, I’ve never seen it. Some vanilla I think. Like cakes and ice cream in summer. Freshly cut wood, not as strong as Blight or Beetee use but more airy kind. And there’s something flowery there too. I move my head a little to pretend to watch the movie more comfortably and inhale deeply. Jasmine, it’s a gift from god, they say. It may truly be when it comes to Finnick.

People holler when Cato runs through the bushes and Katniss with Peeta climb onto Cornutopia. I see Cecelia bringing her hands to her face from the corner of my eye. The noise coming from the speakers somehow numbs me and I am taken back in time to when I was in my games hearing the other last two people standing and killing each other. Finnick squeezes my knee and starts pressing his fingers into my skin from his smallest to his thumb. I look at him but he’s busy talking to Johanna.

I wonder how does it feel to be 14 and kill so many people. I wonder how does it feel to appear to not to be affected at all. I don’t think it’s part of his personality. Does he wake up every day and puts on a mask? Or how is it to be loved by so many people in the Capitol and worshipped by many others in the Districts. Even in my own one people look up to him.

I wonder if he looks down on me and sees me as a coward. If he despises me for being stuck with me.

I sit up straighter when the stint with blueberries happens and remove my legs from Finnick’s, moving them a little up and down in my shoes that feel too small after all. 

People whistle and clap when Katniss’ crying face shows in the hovercraft and we again stand up when the lights get turned on. The whole venue looks like something erupted there. The smell of alcohol is strong in the air and the floor is covered in food. So much waste.

Haymitch pushes me and almost topples over the chair while trying to get his shoe. It forces me to step into Finnick’s space and I hit his chest with my elbow.

- Sorry, - I say.

He does not look at me busy talking with Johanna who looks like she wants to rip someone's throat out. His arm wraps around me with his hand resting on my stomach and I freeze and tense my muscles there. It's not my favourite part to be touched. I wrap my hand around his to keep it place when he starts moving it down and move my ear around so I can over listen Finnick and Johanna arguing whenever she should leave or not. Are they dating? Am I a problem here?

- Hey, - Blight announces loudly - thirty minutes here and then we meet at the cars.

I try to follow Cecelia when she asks me but Finnick keeps me firmly in his wrap.

- Sorry, - I say but he is still talking with Johanna. I pinch his hand. - Unless your hand is going with me to the bathroom I suggest you let me go.

Johanna looks me up and down like she’s about to hit me with one of her hammers. Finnick squeezes my stomach again which makes me angry for some reason. He then slides his hand around my back and that makes me feel something very interesting inside.

Oh no, I am so fucked. I pick up my dress and without a word run after Cecelia.

----

- Where the fuck have you been? - Is literally the first thing out of Johanna’s mouth when we climb inside the limo. The door did not even close behind me. - Were the wardrobe changes that important?

- I got stuck in the loo. - Cecelia says taking out a mirror from her bag. She looks herself over there before answering. - It’s not my fault they did not get me out that fast. 

- I am glad she’s covering for me. Yes, she got stuck but on a purpose. She spent more than fifteen minutes there helping me to calm down and giving me tips on how to fake bing in love and all that. She did not laugh when I told her I never dated anyone. I don’t think I will be ever able to express properly to her how thankful I am. I wonder how does she know all of that but am afraid to ask.

She’s wearing another yellow dress. It slightly passes her knees and has those Effie-like sleeves. Surprisingly, the bright yellow looks good on her. I don’t see any other female Victors being able to rock such colour.

- Why are you allowed a bag? - I ask. - I don’t even have pockets again.

Someone else dressed me this time. My district’s stylist only chose pinks for me whenever we worked together. However, now I am dressed in a simple silver slip dress that ends in the middle of my calf with some blue tulle ruffles decorating around my breasts and at the bottoms of my dress. My shoes are the right size. Surprisingly, or maybe not really, I feel much freer in a dress that is not hugging my body tight and in shoes that don't pinch.

- And you could not text us? - Johanna’s voice is getting on my nerves. In fact, everything is. The number of people in the car, the fact that I don’t know where Finnick is and how I am supposed to make it work with him while keeping my feelings in check.

- I don’t have a phone. - I answer instead of Cecelia. - Kinda bold of you to assume I would like to have your number anyway when you act like that towards me.

- What the fuck! - She stands up.

She moves up and in my direction but the car turns and she ends on her seat again. She's sitting in the middle and Blight is holding her back so I think I have a chance to get to our next destination without actually having to defend myself.

- Can you girls leave it for some other time? - he says. - Let’s just let go for a night. 

- Legs together. - Cecelia reminds me when the car stops. 

It must have started raining outside shortly after we left. The flashes are covered by the umbrellas mostly. I use the weather as the reason to run inside. Surprisingly, the stilettos are good for that too. I wait for Cecelia around the door. Neither Haymitch or Beetee were in the car with us and I desperately want to avoid Johanna. 

I don't see Finnick for which I am glad this time. The truth is his presence is making me dizzy and ready to faint. Also - all my insecurities jump out when I am around him. It's like I think people see me as a charity case for him. I know I see myself as a charity case for sure.

I stick to Cecelia's side for the whole time and talk with some women. They talk about that new trend of a single huge flower on a hairband in their hair that Effie started. What flowers should I choose and what the meaning behind every one of them is. I just nod and add polite comments on the clothes they are wearing when I feel that I might have drunk a bit too much alcohol. A waiter comes with the drinks again and I take another flute of champagne but don't drink it. The laughter comes a little easier for me now and I notice our group becomes louder. It's surprisingly easy to fit in once you ignore that the world is swaying a little. The concern comes when I suddenly get afraid of what may come out of my mouth and want Cecelia or anyone to take my hand. The walls are closing on me and my stomach does this weird thing when it wants to get everything up.

- Thank you, - Finnick takes the flute from me and brings his arm around my middle. His hand rests on my side this time and he moves it up and down there.

He works our group like a shepherd dog herding animals. They listen to his every word for several minutes and wish us a great time when he says that our car is here. I am surprised at how quickly we leave. I catch some women raising their eyebrows when Finnick moves his hand down my back and starts leading me out.

He exchanges some pleasantries with a few people on our way and introduces them to me. A general, a doctor, a model and so on. I wonder what the driver is thinking about having to wait for us for so long.

As we near the door he takes his hand away from me and takes off his suit jacket and unbuttons two more buttons of his shirt. He wraps his jacket around me and presses me close to him.

- If the cameras are gonna blind you just focus on me.

My heart speeds up when they go off. It stopped raining but I can feel the cold air on my bare legs. Finnick’s broad frame is shielding me from most of the lights, his steps are sure and not even once he steps on my toes. He helps me get in the car. I can totally understand the grip he has on people. He gets in on the other side. 

- Do you want something to eat or just a drink?

- Some light dinner would be nice. - I still feel dizzy from the alcohol and I know I need to clear my head if we’re supposed to talk. I mean, we’re supposed to talk, right?

Finnick gives some weirdly -sounding name to the driver and the car turns around. I watch him in the car window. He is wearing a two-piece suit tonight. In dark blue. I have his jacket obviously and it feels very nice around my arms. Silk, I think. And a silk crispy white shirt I think too. I want to touch it and check for sure but I keep my hands close to me. 

One of the locks of his hair fell on his forehead. There's no way I could describe how he looks in one word alone. I once read an article saying he's like a Sun but I don't like the implication that I could end up being Mercury or Venus if I get too close to him. 

He’s typing furiously on his phone. I don’t see who. Is this Johanna? Is she jealous? I think they really may be together.

- Will I also get a phone? - I ask him. 

He stops writing and looks up at me surprised. He catches my eyes watching him in the window and I turn around embarrassed. It's even worse when I look at him now. His eyes have the colour of the summer forest at the golden hour. His skin radiates the warmth of that sun too.

- You don’t have one?

- I don’t even have a bag. - I answer. - Or pockets in my dress, I don’t understand why. I don’t know where I am staying. Do you think you could contact my escort for me? 

- No one told you? - he asks me, staring all the time at my face. His expression is carefully guarded and I cannot read anything on his face.

- No one told me about what?

- That you are living with me.

----

Finnick is in his sheepdog mode again. The one, where he has to catch the lost animal before it accidentally rolls down the hill to its death. He is in front of the car door before I even get my first foot out, his hand steadying me and his arm around my body guiding me to the restaurant and then inside. His eyes are on me all the time, the dark green following my every move when I sit down, when I open the menu, when I write my order down.

I cannot blame him. It was me who almost opened the car door after all when we were speeding through the city because I wanted to get out.

I try my best to collect myself and I look around the restaurant. First is the ceiling, covered with fresh flowers hanging upside down. The only ones I know are peonies, dahlias and hydrangeas. All of them bloom around city hall back home. They are mostly pink, red and white here, I think. It’s hard to tell in this light. Ivy wraps itself around walls and pillars. I look behind me and some of its vines are hanging in the windows. There are also forget-me-nots growing where a window sill is supposed to be. When I inspect them closer I can see they are, surprisingly, pink and violet. We have only blue back home.

Home, how I long for it now. The city I saw only three times in my life feels even more foreign now and the emptiness I have inside me threatens to swallow me whole. I realize I am hunching my shoulders and clutching at a lapel of Finnick’s suit jacket that’s still around my shoulders. I straighten up and put my hands in my lap. I look at the people to my right and left, making sure not to stop my eyes at the man sitting in front of me. 

There are only tables for two people everywhere but I see some same sex couples. It’s very frowned upon at 10. I am not sure if other Districts allow those kinds of relationships. I know people were sentenced to lynching in 13 for that. I learned about it at the secret school my dad enrolled me in when I was a teenager.

The thoughts of my home taste bitter when I look at the splendour and resources wasted here. 

I think tables like the one we’re sitting at are kind of special for the people here. We’re sitting far away from the entrance but even from here I can see colorful people at the door pointing at the same tables as ours and starting arguments with the staff. I sit in some sort of huge armchair that seems to come straight out of the wall under the window while the ones on Finnick’s side are club chairs I think. There’s a television program that focuses on home furnishing. I always found them irritating. It’s one of Capitol’s ways of letting us know about the things we will never be able to afford.

I watch the couples sitting around us. Many of them are bored or fighting which takes me by surprise. I thought people here could choose their partners, why bother being with someone you don’t like? Then I remind myself what Finnick and I must look like to other people. I’ve been avoiding his eyes for the past few minutes while he - well, I don’t know what he has been doing. I take a look at him and he is watching me over a glass of wine with a curious look on his face. Where did he get wine anyway? 

- You want some? - he must have noticed what I was looking at.

- I think we both can agree it’s not the best idea when it comes to me.

I put my right forearm on the table, hand up trying to copy the couple three tables to my left. They look like they are in love and I think this is the way we should carry around each other if we want to sell the whole thing. Finnick puts his left hand over mine and presses two of his fingers over my pulse point.

-Yeah, - he says like he’s trying very hard not to laugh. - I kinda got the vibe even before you pulled the handle, honey.

The pet names have to stop. I am going to melt and be a wet stain on the floor if they won’t.

- Sorry, - I say, ashamed. - I just really don’t know anything and ummm…. - my words fail me. - I don’t know you? And I just…

Finnick looks like he’s angry for a moment. I cannot help but blame myself for it. He must hate that he is forced to spend my time with me while I act like a damsel that needs saving all the time.

- No harm will come to you from my hand. - Finnick says. There’s something dark in his look still but he moves his hand from my pulse and starts playing with my fingers instead.

- So you like pockets? - he asks casually and the atmosphere becomes much lighter.

- I adore them. I mean dresses with pockets. - I correct and laugh. - And pigs. And I like to think that Antonia’s hair looks like a long-haired sheep that ran to the stage when my name got pulled out.

Our dinner arrives and the waiter talks about the courses we will eat. All of them are District-12 inspired but the plates are very small. I doubt it’s because the restaurant wanted to show the hardship people there have to face. I just ordered dumplings with goat meat but the table is covered with dishes that I guess are all for Finnick but he surprises me by putting some things on my plate all the time. I let him talk about his life here. He spends every two weeks in the Capitol and comes back to his District for two weeks. 

I wonder if I will be able to travel there with him. I need to find a way to make sure Plutarch sends me there too, I’ve never seen the sea. I’m sure he’s going to agree if I play my part well enough. If not then I can say I have to double-check there to make sure we can trust Finnick. 

- A penny for your thoughts? - Finnick says when he notices me smiling at the mental image of myself asking Plutarch if he can stop his serious shenanigans because I really want to see the sea.

- This whole experience is much nicer than Haymitch warned me. - I decide to tell him instead.

- You should be really careful about what he tells you. - Finnick says and slides almost the whole plate with katniss towards me. - He’s a very intelligent person but the alcohol has a strong grip on him and he loses himself more often than he would like to admit. 

We finish our food and the empty plates are taken away. I watch as the couple I copied earlier stands up to leave. I try to remember their movements.

- Seeing something or someone you like? - Finnick asks and there’s this playful tone in his voice that I’ve heard so many times on the tv when he was about to make everyone swoon. - because I’m sure I can do better than whoever you believe you want now, sweetheart.

.I know my eyes turn big and round but the kind of face I’ve made at Finnick sends him laughing so loudly that some of the people start looking much more openly at us.

- Sorry, - he says, sounding anything but. - It’s just that your face is terribly expressive. 

The waiter sets some kind of fancy drink in front of me in a high glass shaped like a flower with four petals. The liquid is dark violet and it’s covered with a white foam and some pink hydrangea flowers. I bring it slowly to my lips so as not to spill it. It tastes divine, not too sweet and has nothing bitter in it. I moan when it slides down my throat.

- There’s alcohol here. - I tell Finnick when I set it down. I almost drank the whole thing at once before I realized.

- I thought it couldn’t be that bad to let you have something small.

He has this amused look on his face. Like he is ready to pounce on me and drag me back if I stray too far away. 

The waiter comes with some kind of a delicacy he puts in the middle on the table and puts two forks down. It’s round and dark blue with some sort of white cream inside. It’s sprinkled with something gold and shiny but bigger than glitter. A tiny crown sits on top of it.

- It’s our special dessert reserved only for our truly extraordinary guests. Inspired by the first couple to ever win Hunger Games. Blueberry macaroon with goat milk cream filling that represents an image of true love in unprecedented and hardest times.

I push my fork into it hoping it will shut him up. It’s extremely sweet, while the games tasted like pain and blood even to me. Broken friendships and nightmares. Vomit and urine and shit on the bed after. Hands I never wanted on my body touching me when I could not fight. People mocking me that at least thanks to Games I lost those kilos that were too heavy on me.

Finnick taps my ankle with his shoe when the waiter asks me what I think about it. He sends me a look over another glass of wine. I think it’s a warning to be nice.

- I think it mixes too much with the drink I just had but I like how light it is. It fits well with everything we ate. However, - I put the last pieces with the crown carefully on the fork and bring them towards Finnick. - I believe a true connoisseur should be the final judge.

Silence falls around us, I can see people sitting at the table behind Finnick actually put their forks down to watch what’s happening at our table. As for the man himself, he takes my shaky palm in his steady one and slowly wraps his mouth around the fork in my hand. I can hear people inhale when he moans.

-Delicious, - he says. - tastes almost as good as my beloved.

The waiter is blushing as I must be for sure. Finnick stands up and suddenly we’re leaving. His arm is around me again and only now do I notice how respectful he has been acting the whole night. His hand never wanders too low, he stopped touching my stomach, monitored my alcohol intake and had my hands in his in the car when I was terrified. He leads me around the room making sure I don’t trip accidentally on any steps. 

He does not bring up the fact I almost gave up on the whole act in the cinema. After the first wave of panic left me I realized he may have things at stake that do not allow him to walk away as easily.

I want to thank him somehow and play my part better now. I hope to mimic the couple I saw earlier and when we step outside and the first flash goes off I hope my finger around one of his belt loops to slow him a little. He turns around with one of his eyebrows raised and I kiss him quickly in the space under his chin and close to his ear. Someone shouts and Finnick kisses the corner of my mouth. 

- Yeah, no more alcohol for you. - he says laughing and leads me to the car.

Jasmine, I realize, is definitely a fragrance for gods.

Actions

[themculibrary]

Comfort Masterlist

a father's comfort (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor ned/peter G, 1k

Summary: Peter gets a migraine at school, and all he wants is the comfort of his dad.

Answer All My Prayers (ao3) - STARSdidathing loki/tony T, 6k

Summary: It was rather ironic that the first mortal to pray to Loki in centuries, was not only an enemy, but a man who had no idea what his words were doing.

Caring for a Human (ao3) - The_Winter_Writer tony/thor N/R, 2k

Summary: There was a constant low level fear that had settled at the back of Thor's mind. Humans were a fragile race, though constantly trying to hide that fact, and Thor hated the reminder of it in Tony’s exhausted eyes. He hated how the sight of fever flushed cheeks and the sound of a raspy voice made that fear slam to the front of his mind.

Comfort (ao3) - TheCityLightShow bucky/steve/tony G, 1k

Summary: He finds a sweatshirt folded up on his bed. He frowns – it hadn't been there when he left, but it is quite obviously just a sweatshirt with a little note on top.

It's in Stark's unmistakable scrawl – stop leaving your shit in my lab Steven – and that only confuses Bucky more. Surely Stark knows better than anyone the layout of the tower, of each floor? But he's left it in the wrong room.

Bucky picks it up with the full intention of returning it to Stevie's room, but the fabric jostles as he does and the fucked-up serum in his system means he can smell it. It's somewhere between paper and something Steve-like, and grease or oil, something he only gets in Tony's workshop. They're out there, fighting, but for a second Bucky's brain can believe they're here, safe, with him.

Full Disclosure Not Required (but Appreciated) (ao3) - Potrix steve/tony, pepper/rhodey, sam/bucky E, 16k

Summary: The one where Steve knows more than he lets on, Tony knows less than he pretends, Clint has a big mouth, Bucky is a little shit, and everyone learns why keeping secrets never ends well.

Almost never, anyway.

hold the things you wanna say (ao3) - SailorChibi steve/tony T, 6k

Summary: Tony is still a consultant, and between SI, the team and SHIELD he's overworked and exhausted. That's okay.

He and Steve have been having sex for weeks but that's all it is, just sex, and Tony wants more but he'll never get it and that's okay. Really.

What's not okay is the fact that Howard Stark has somehow appeared in the future and is the same as always.

This is definitely going to fuck up his schedule.

In Our Room (ao3) - ClaraxBarton bucky/clint E, 2k

Summary: After another Avengers mission, Clint is left questioning his line of work. Or: Good, old fashioned comfort via sexy times.

Long way from Ok (ao3) - Ghostshappen T, 1k

Summary: Maybe Bucky was lying about being OK but he’s trying

Mr. Hospitality (ao3) - abysmallydull steve/tony, clint/tony, bruce/tony E, 7k

Summary: Never let it be said that Tony wasn’t the perfect host. Have something you need? It will be there, just say the word. It’s a twisted sort of pride that makes this proud man cater to your every wish and need. He’s the best host, damn it, and you’d better appreciate how he’d bend over backwards (or forwards, if you want) to see to your needs.

peace and quiet (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor clint/steve N/R, 945

Summary: Clint knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up to no coffee available.

Protect Me From The Storm (ao3) - LadyAngelique, orphan_account steve/bucky E, 2k

Summary: Steve's afraid of thunderstorms. He hates them, they make him feel vulnerable and remind him of a time where Bucky was no longer at his side. And that hurt, like nothing he'd ever felt before.

Quadrant (ao3) - AvaKelly clint/steve/bucky/sam T, 7k

Summary: In a world where loving someone causes their unique soulmark tattoo to appear on his skin, Clint has been falling for too many people, but never has been loved back. So when he sees his mark on Bucky's shoulder, he can't really believe it.

Storm Incoming (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor clint/steve/tony N/R, 1k

Summary: Clint is terrified of storms, has been for as long as he can remember. But now, he has two alpha's to comfort and protect him from the storms, even though he sometimes forgets and needs reminding. Also, Bucky's there, because I thought it would be cute.

That Carnival's A Death Trap (ao3) - emily_ann_1021 G, 2k

Summary: Peter and Ned want to go to the carnival, but Tony insists it’s too dangerous. The boys, thinking they could sneak out without anyone noticing, are fastly in over their heads when a fun night out turns into an attempted kidnapping. Luckily the Good Dad™ is always prepared when Peter manages to get into trouble.

Two (or Three)'s Company (ao3) - natalia_alianova_romanova_01 bucky/steve/natasha T, 2k

Summary: After a hard therapy session, Bucky comes back to the apartment and has a deep conversation with Steve and Natasha and they comfort him. Classic hurt/comfort with a fluffy ending for your troubles. (I guess this is set between Civil War and Infinity War? Idk, I just wanted to channel classic 2012 Marvel fics, you know, when times were simple.)

Vibrato (ao3) - shattered_sian loki/stephen M, 15k

Summary: Thor and Loki return to Earth with the people of Asgard, but Strange won't allow Loki to roam Earth after all of his devilish deeds. Thor makes an agreement with the sorcerer to keep Loki on Earth- his brother will have to be under the supervision of Doctor Strange at all times. While at first Loki's antics are nearly too much for Strange to handle, things slowly change.

Winter Soldier: Resurrection (ao3) - DCAngst G, 38k

Summary: In 2024, Bucky Barnes follows a lead about more super soldier serum that takes him to Siberia. He encounters the unexpected and finds himself in 2014, shortly after the Winter Soldier vanished.

Winter Undone (ao3) - DCAngst steve/bucky T, 74k

Summary: What if, after the Endgame battle, Dr. Strange used the time stone to save Tony and undo 80 years of Hydra for Bucky? In other words, 1945 Bucky ends up in 2023 and has to come to terms with...a lot.

[genshin-impact-trash]

Zhongli/Tartaglia Fic Rec List 1

All We Hold Within Our Hearts – series (teen, wip, 4k) A series of character studies featuring Zhongli and Childe and how they relate to each of the five love languages.

Begin Anew, O Lost Child (explicit, complete, 200k) You may find time is too relentless to control and you cannot change your role. Zhongli’s expression is painfully gentle. It sends a flutter through his chest that anyone would look at the bloodthirsty Harbinger like that. He is silhouetted beautifully by the golden light. A golden prince for a golden city. “They say that souls never truly die. One day we might be so lucky to meet old friends again. Perhaps those we cared for most will find us again and we might learn the foundations of our friendship once more. I always thought time a relentless enemy but maybe time gifts us these moments of joy as well.” The hero Ajax walked the lands of Teyvat and his legend shaped the future. Heroes die but legends live forever. Their names are passed on, one generation after another. Those who bear the names of heroes are forced to confront the legacy they inherit. Childe grows up in the shadow of his namesake and rises to meet the challenge of legend.

bottom of the bottle and at my wits' end (teen, complete, 7k) While he's hunting down Scaramouche to reclaim the Electro Archon's Gnosis, Childe spends a night alone with his thoughts and a bottle of Fire-Water. AKA Childe character study

hung up (explicit, 45k) Childe moonlights as a phone sex operator to pay for his bills. Zhongli is a grieving man looking for a stranger to listen to him, rather than help him get off. It breaks the growing monotony of his late night calls, but Childe eventually finds himself falling for the deep-voiced man he knows only as "Rex."

Hydro Resonance (explicit, complete, 6k, includes Tartaglia/Yelan) Childe is looking through his correspondence when Ekaterina arrives with a nondescript wooden box. "Sir, someone from the ministry of civil affairs left this for you." He opens the box without much thought. He gets a lot of letters, and a package or two isn't anything too unusual. He frowns at what, at first glance, looks like a very strange bead necklace and a bottle of oil. The beads are all different sizes, sphere after sphere of glimmering cor lapis connected by a stiff string. Why would anyone send him jewelry? His eyes widen as he notices the note lying innocently over the thing. For you to train with. -Y Childe almost drops the box. No way. The beads are supposed to go inside him. --- Yelan and Childe have a mutually beneficial arrangement. Mr. Zhongli is just a friend, or so Childe keeps insisting.

In a family way (explicit, complete, 12k) “You-“ Zhongli’s voice is hoarse, face contorted in utter bewilderment. Still, he does not move, keeping Childe’s legs straight in the air. “You asked to be my mate. You wanted me to breed you. Ajax, you said that to me.” Oh, Celestia, they’re still connected. It’s all going to his head. Childe thinks he’s delirious. This can’t be real. “That was-“ His voice breaks in an awful squeak. “-that was dirty talk!” He never thought- Oh, fuck. Zhongli moves inside of him, and he can feel the cum sloshing through his guts. All this time. He’s an idiot. The signs, in retrospect, were so obvious. Zhongli has been trying to impregnate him. … Or, Childe learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes of an (ex) god. It might just get taken literally.

Oceans Between Us – series (mature, wip, 200k) There was more to the contract than a gnosis and test of Liyue. It seemed like a simple deal five hundred years ago: so long as Morax never had a soulmate, the Tsaritsa would never harm Liyue and she would not get his gnosis. But the moment he gained a soulmate, all that belonged to him was forfeit. He thought the deal left Liyue safe—he'd lived thousands of years without a soulmate. The Tsaritsa would be dead and gone by the time she'd have a chance to collect. Five hundred years later, Childe appears in Liyue, Zhongli gains a soulmate mark, and everything falls apart. (The obligatory soulmate AU, featuring a Zhongli with trauma, an oblivious Childe, and demon-worshipping cultists.)

The Inaccuracy of Infinity (mature, complete, 250k) Zhongli finds himself in quite the conundrum when a simple day trip with Childe, gone wrong, ends with him turning Childe immortal instead... And how he fails to inform the harbinger about this new development. Though, Zhongli supposes there'll be time to fill him in on this small detail sometime during the journey around Teyvat Childe has managed to rope him into.

To the Rhythm of Your Racing Heart (teen, complete, 90k) A mysterious shopkeeper offers Childe a bottle of wine that will make him forget about the one he loves. Childe is more than willing to accept it.

Two Truths and a Lie (teen, complete, 13k) There is a popular game in Snezhnaya, one that originates as an activity to keep children occupied during the long winter days stuck indoors while arctic winds howl outside, knocking against doors and windows and carrying with it a violent storm of ice and frost. The game has since been adopted into a drinking game by bored young adults similarly trapped inside those cold, dark grueling months. The game’s rules go something like this. Each person takes a turn telling two truths and one lie about themselves while the rest of the participants have to pluck out the lie. If the guessers guessed wrong, the person telling the information gets the point. If the guesser guessed right, then the person gets no points. There is no real end to this game. Children play it until they become bored, adults play it until they become drunk. Childe plays it until… Come to think of it, Childe’s not entirely sure why he’s playing. -- A Childe introspection story where he tries to find his heart.

Weighing Contracts (teen, complete, 150k) The final contract of Liyue. That’s what Rex Lapis had called it. An agreement to test his people, to see how they would be able to stand on their own and to allow them to move on from the age of gods and monsters into the dawning age of man. Rex Lapis knew they would be challenged in ways they had never been before, but despite appearances, he would be there to catch them if they fell. However, there were things he hadn’t accounted for despite all his careful planning. He had known that the Tsaritsa’s Fatui were sent to cause chaos - that Childe was a Harbinger and therefore would be at the epicentre - but he hadn’t expected this. As his ancient foe rose from the depths of the Guyun Stone Forest, the Archon weighed the final contract of Liyue against the first and made his decision.

[fabbyf1]

Hiiiiii

First of all, I looooooove every fic that you wrote, love your infinite descriptions and the characterization of the everyone. I even love the Maxiel one even though I am not so much a Maxiel fan, you almost converted me but #lestappen4life

Secondly, I think my brain is broken because I loved « All the Lights » a little bit too much more than I would normally love a fic like this, with this kind of subject.

Thirdly, my question. HOW DO YOU DO TO WRITE DIALOGUES??? I mean, English is not my mother tongue and I write in English because I feel like I would literally *die* if I ever wrote in French. I think it is cringy (a little sentence in French in a fic does not bother me that much, it only does when it screams google translate). But even if I write in a language I have zero emotional connection, I can’t help but to find it weird or not natural. The worst in this? It’s not like I would publish anything (I would if my friend bully me but she’s nice) so nobody would judge (she read but English is also her third language so it doesn’t count).

You know, it bother me so much that I wrote a 3k lestappen fic with 3 sentences of dialogue. Probably doesn’t make any sense, the descriptions aren’t that good (read not as good as your perfection) and it is a little too much poetic ( a very bad one). I had so much plan for this like so much but I couldn’t do it because of the dialogues, same for another fic, I am blocked at 7k I know what to do but I can’t because of the dialogues. And for the 3k one, I even have a title, reviewed my grammar and I know I can’t add anything more but I am not satisfied, which brings me to my fourth point:

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH SOMETHING??? Because I never am.

Anyway, that’s it for me. Thank you for reading my essay, I hope this one is more than 13/20 (my points for the last one I wrote in English class) and continue writing !!!!

Xxx🌸

HELLO LOVELY!!!!! I would call you anon, but I know who you are 🤭

Thank you for being patient with me; today has been a crazy day!

First and foremost, thank you so much for your kind words about my fics. You're so fucking lovely, and I adore you, and you make me cry whenever you're nice to me.

As for writing dialog... gosh, bestie, the dialog is the easy part for me!

I think of conversations ALL day long. (I swear they're not voices in my head. I'm just plotting fics 24/7.) Every time I walk my dog, I'm just thinking of lestappen conversations.

Then I frantically write down some of that text into a word doc, or my notes app, and try to recreate what I saw in my mind. It's the describing and narration that is always hard for me! I feel like I could write millions of words of dialog but struggle immensely with The Rest of the things that make up a story.

I can't even imagine how hard it is to write in a language that is not your native one. I give you so many props for pushing yourself to do that! If you're stuck on the dialog, I would honestly just close your eyes and try and imagine the scene. What are they saying to each other? What do you WANT them to say? What are things you wish they'd say in real life? This is your world, baby. You can do whatever the hell you want with it.

Try not to get caught up in making it perfect. Just write what you feel, and fix it later. When all else fails, find yourself a beta to look over all your work and help you with the grammar!

Hope this helps!!!!

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

High School Crushes Masterlist

A Movie I Wanna See (ao3) - secretlyryanross luke/ashton N/R, 4k

Summary: Luke works at his local movie theatre and is asked to stay over late to help Ashton clean theatres. No problem, right? Well, one problem. He has a huge crush on Ashton.

Ashton Enchanted (ao3) - boomercal calum/ashton N/R, 46k

Summary: ❝It starts with a fairy casting a spell

this one's on Ashton, who you'll come to know well❞

Ashton was given a special 'gift' when he was only a few days old, the 'gift' of obedience. He has never been in love, never had friends and is content to keep it that way until a friendly girl in his class decides she wants to be his friend. Then Ashton has to come to terms with trusting those around him, maintaining his first friendships and managing his first real crush.

Casual Affair (ao3) - bitchnluke luke/ashton, michael/calum E, 19k

Summary: Ashton is a nerd and a wallflower in a big school full of high schoolers that hate him. Luke Hemmings is a classic jock who fucks anything he sees or talks to, but knows nothing about Ashton's little school boy crush. What happens when they cross paths one night?

Darling can’t you hear me calling (ao3) - L4sht0n luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Basically Ashton who loves ABBA, and Luke who loves Ashton. But Ashton is too obsessed with ABBA to notice.

how did we end up talking in the first place? (ao3) - hemmingscliffords michael/luke E, 3k

Summary: Michael works in a coffee shop on Saturdays and he's kind of lame. Luke walks in and Michael kind of falls in love right then and there.

make you blush (ao3) - dazedlight (opinionoutpost) luke/ashton T, 5k

Summary: "Luke peers up, and he's sure his heart does stop this time as he shrinks in on himself, worrying at his bottom lip. He really doesn't need this right now. In fact, he needs the opposite of this – he really, really doesn't want to talk to Ashton Irwin at this moment, or any moment, to be honest, because he thinks his stomach might fall out of his ass if he tries."

Or, Luke is a dweeby Year 10 who has a crush on the star of the musical.

Maelstrom (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton, michael/calum, mali/harry E, 225k

Summary: Ashton is struggling, Luke is hiding, and Michael and Calum just want to make things work. (And maybe Ashton and Luke fall in love too. Maybe.)

Michael's Dirty Diary (ao3) - im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance michael/luke E, 32k

Summary: Why did Luke find somebody's diary? Why did he even want to read it when he knew he should not? The things he was reading were shocking but he could not help but read more, specially since he was involved. Who was that Michael anyway? Luke had to find out.

Only You Can Give Me That Feeling (ao3) - Cashton4506 calum/ashton, michael/luke N/R, 4k (WIP)

Summary: Ashton is the shy kid who sits quietly at the back of the classroom. He has a crush on popular football player Calum Hood. Almost everyone does.

silent confessions at the foot of your bed (ao3) - bellawritess luke/calum G, 1k

Summary: Luke, Calum decides, is a good person to fancy.

something's telling me you're the one (ao3) - rocketshiptospace luke/ashton T, 9k

Summary: or, luke has a crush on ashton, who's totally out of his league and someone's leaving him little notes in his locker.

stick to the status quo (ao3) - cliffakitten  luke/ashton M, 29k

Summary: Or, the one where Luke is on the football team but has a mahooosive crush on this kid in the theatre club with the big hazel eyes and emo fringe.

White Noise (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton E, 7k

Summary: Luke and Ashton have massive crushes on each other, Ashton throws a party, and all of Luke's dreams come true. (Maybe they're a tiny bit in love too. Maybe.)