#when he didnt think i had food at work he was gonna order me food and get a plain burger bc i knew id eat it

[nomairuins]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[wilhelmina-murray-harker]

tbh i dont think theres much i could appreciate more than people being cool with my adventures with food and being accommodating and respectful about it

[etheries1015]

BOOK 7 SPOILERS BELOW

I finally decided to suck it up and catch up with twst book 7, I stopped after seeing Silver cry because I'm sCARED OF BEING SAD 😭😭 anyway here's a few reactions I had to it 😭

And hearing about the update coming soon-ish to ENG servers I really need to read up

Lilia pressuring Epel like the old man he is 😭😭 I love the moments that they remind us just how old Lilia actually is and how he sees most if not all the students as if they were his children/grand children, making sure they get the most out of the party and drink...its giving "What do you mean you're not hungry? Absolutely not. Here Is at least 5 servings of whatever dish I made to help u grow big and strong."

Okay I didn't take a screen shot of it but the entire section where Lilia looked kind of guilty with Ortho about exchanging addresses because you just KNOW he probably isn't gonna check in, presumably because he doesn't want anyone to get More attached to him seeing as he is nearing the end of his life span (crying shaking throwing up)

THIS. THIS. THIS INTERACTION HE HAD WITH US. I LOVE HIM. I AM SO SILLY FOR HIM. I totally forgot I changed my in-game name from my nickname to my REAL name and when he said my name I verbally yelled "WHAT THE HELL" before giggling and kicking my feet hehehehe I'm clinically insane for him

But the fact that he acknowledged us as Malleus friend probably means we've spent a lot of time at the dorms or around Lilia for him to see how our friendship and interactions with him work, and it melts my heart hehe. Being part of the diafam fr. But honestly bro back me up, I'm tired of being called a hench-human 😭💀

I wonder just how bad we must look with everyone noticing the strange shift??? Either we REALLY made a scene (tripping over, going pale) or the twst boys are just that attentive to us and I think that is the sweetest thing ever 😭😭 Ace and Deuce is so sweet for thinking of us and trying to get us out while also being polite to the people who kindly held the party. Despite not being there long, ace and deuce is willing to skip out on free food and drinks in order to make sure you're okay and I'm just 😭😭 ANGELS. I LOVE THEM.

But also the way Lilia worries for you is so sweet 😭💜 I should write a fic of sick reader and Lilia, or reader trying to tough it out because I know for a FACT Lilia would not let that slide! (Hypocrite 😐)

I ACTUALLY DROPPED MY JAW WHEN SEBEK SAID THIS SHIT. I WAS. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL LMFAOOOOO 😭 thats fucking insane bro I actually found myself chastising him thru the phone, I would NOT let that discrimination against humans bullshit pass fr 😭 slap him right upside the head and give him a stern talking to. I like seeing Lilia get frustrated, he's so cute and UGH. Although it went in one ear out the other, Seeing Lilia mad is so hot if I'm being real with y'all rn BUAHAHA.

I didnt screen shot this either (and I can't fit anymore photos on this post smh) but Silvers nose being red and obvious he was crying but Lilia confused. DudE OF COURSE he was crying!!! You're his dad!! You raised him since he was a baby, he's just now going into adulthood and doing that WITHOUT HIS DAD who is going to a far away land! Sure, traveling is a thing , but honestly nothing beats having that support just a moments away. Silver is literally the sweetest and wants to support his dad , but who's going to support him????!?! Lilia is putting him in a position where Silver feels the need to be strong and hide his tears for Lilias sake, but of course this is hard on him, its so sudden, too! Being so close to your parent and next thing you know mere days later they are stripped away from your arms?!

I just want to give them all hugs. Lilia obviously has some issues and misconstrued ideas of love (a million people have made posts and comments on this, so I will not repeat it) and I just. Need them to all sit around and be their mediator while we go thru their emotional states.

Ugh. I was in my twst burnout stage and still low key am, but fuck does it spark so much passion in you 😭😭

[soggyriceee]

HELLO SOGGY I HOPE THAT ARE YOU WELL AND DOING GOOD, I WISH YOU THE BEST 💗💗💗

ALSO I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH, YOURE ONE OF MY TOP TUMBLR WRITERS!!!

I'd love to request a fic with John "Soap" Mactavish, if you are okay with writing him. If not, you can 7se whatever character you think will fit to this!

And my idea is:

Soap finally got his days off the work, so reader wanted to make him a welcome home suprise. He came home very tired, to eat his favourite food that she made him for dinner, and go to sleep with reader. But reader bought a new pajama. A sexy pajama, that instantly turned him on.

Anddd we all know where it goes hehe.

I would really love if this was a soft, gentle smut. They're very happy to finally touching themselves again c:

- 🦝 (That's me :D)

missed you | John "Soap"

yess, guys plzz request more of the other MW2 men I write for all of themmm~ (not edited)

warnings: oral(f!receiving), soft dom Soap, fingering, praise, missionary, cowgirl, breeding kink but like..cutely??? just really romantic, lovey dovey seggs, listener and Soap orgasm twice

you knew what you were doing. wearing the lace pink, see-through lingerie dress, with a light pink matching set. what you loved the most about it, was that flowers were decorated all over. you had white ribbons on the side of your underwear, a light pink flower in the center. your bra had tiny 'John' chain in the center, the cups a lacy pink. it was beautiful.

but of course, you hadn't put it on until you got out the shower. you wanted to have a romantic night with him. you hadn't seen him in 7 months, he was off in Chicago for another mission he had given you little information about. he hated you knowing how many people he'd have to kill.

"dinner was delicious my love." he smiled, kissing your palm, looking into you eyes. your cheeks couldn't help but turn pink, giggling as he pulled away. you had cooked his favorite meal for dinner, wanting to make sure the night was entirely perfect for him. you both missed each other so much, you couldnt help but spend the whole day perfecting your house. and he couldnt help but bring you far too many gifts from Chicago consisting of clothes, food and random items he found in gift shops or stores.

" go shower, I'm gonna clean up before we get too comfortable in the bed." you smiled, standing from the table. "I can help you baby, dont be silly." he chuckled, grabbing his own plate before you could. but no. as much as you loved cleaning with him, you needed a reason to shower and put on the lingerie. " please, I dont want us both to stay up late. for tonight let me clean for you, you go rest and relax. you had a long mission." you said, taking his plate.

thankfully that excuse was good enough. he agreed and went to shower, quietly sad you didnt want to shower with him. aside from the sexual factor of showering together, he truly did just want to have an intimate, romantic moment with you after the romantic dinner you set up for him. but he knew you were a stubborn woman and he wasn’t going to argue with you.

~~

stepping out the shower, you grabbed the towel he had laid out for you, drying your body. successfully, you were able to sneak in the new set, hiding it in the sink cabinet. of course, it worked. why would he look under there anyways?

you pulled it out, examining the new set with a smile spread across your face. John always loved pink on you. it was the color you wore when you met him. you remember it like it was yesterday. and it always brought a smile to your face when you thought about it when he was away.

it was actually pretty funny. you hated him at first. but he fell in love with you the second he walked into the bakery you used to work at. he came in every day, ordering the same coffee with a croissant. and he’d flirt with you the entire time you’d take his order. you of course, being a college student focusing on nothing but your studies and money, paid him no mind and found him pretty annoying. especially with the constant bragging of his muscles.

“you know, when you get off there’s still this ice cream bar open down the street. i think you’d like it.” he smiled, leaning on the counter completely oblivious to the long line of people forming behind him. with a sarcastic smile, you handed him his receipt. “great i’ll check it out. next.” you responded, looking past him.

but he never gave up obviously. it got to the point even your manager was encouraging you to give him a chance. so, the next time he came in, before he could even say anything, you agreed. “okay. let’s go out.” you said, handing him the croissant you already had beside you.

from then on he’s been completely unable to leave you alone, still making his daily trips to your job to see you. and naturally, as time went on, you became equally obsessed with him. that was three years ago, and a year ago, he officially asked you to move in with him.

of course with that came a lot of alone time. with him being away in the military, which was something he had bragged a lot about during his little flirting moments. “i shoot guns and stuff y’know? lots of super hero activities.” he would joke, wiggling his eyebrows to you, despite the blank stare your give in return.

but with time, you got used to it. not fully. nights were the worst. but it got easier. he called you every chance he could. sent you letters that ,sometimes, never ended up getting to you until even after he got back from wherever he was stationed at.

you snapped back from your little day dream when a small knock came to the bathroom door. “my love.. is everything okay?” he asked, twisting the door knob. quickly, you pressed against the door, holding the knob still. “y-yea just looking on my phone. i’ll be out in a second.”

you began to apply the lotion, rushing so he doesn’t actually walk into the bathroom, spoiling the surprise. you felt a bit rushed, and you were praying you looked as beautiful as you were imagining you would. with the last fix of your hair, you walked out the bathroom and into the connecting bedroom.

on the bed, John laid on his back, pillow over his head. it was a technique he told you he learned in the military that helped him and a few others sleep when away from home. but once you walked closer to him, he removed the pillow, sitting up. and his jaw, literally, dropped. “oh my.. "

as you stood shyly at the door, John slowly made his way over to you, his eyes moving up your body slowly before meeting your eyes. "you look beautiful.." he breathed out, his hands moving to grab your waist. " so beautiful."

as he pressed further against you, his hard on became more and more difficult to ignore. he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. the kiss wasn't rough, but it wasn't gentle either. it was more so passionate. his fingers gripping your waist, pulling you more into him as if that was even possible, your boobs hurting from the pressure. your hands found his cheeks, cupping them as his tongue slid into your mouth.

he began to back away, keeping you on his body. when his legs his the end of the bed, he fell, back pressing to the mattress. your hands found their way on either side of his head, holding yourself up as the kiss continued.

pulling away, he looked up at you. " you look so beautiful I just.. I wanna worship you.. can I do that?" he asked, his hands moving up and down your body, your smooth skin putting him in a trance like state. when you nodded, he smiled brightly, flipping you over.

your head rested on the cotton pillows, your legs being spread apart and John's head in between your legs before you could even realize. his fingers hooked around the waistband of your lacy underwear, dragging them down slowly. he took in how your bare pussy gleamed for him, his bottom lip tugging between his teeth. oh how he'd dreamed of this moment since he got on that plane back home.

once your underwear got to your ankles, he kept them there, lifting your legs to dip underneath them and allowing them to rest on his shoulders. his hands found your hips, pulling you onto his face. yes he was desperate and he for sure was excited. but he didnt know if it was how long he was gone for this time, or just the fact you looked so beautiful, but he wanted to take his time with you tonight. he wanted to make love with you.

the second he felt the heat from your pussy on his lips, he leaned in, sighing in pleasure as he tasted you for the first time in 7 months. your mouth opened slightly, a short breath leaving your lips as he pulled you clit between his lips. his eyes fluttered shut, head resting on your thigh as he gently, slowly made out with your cunt.

"J-Johnny.." you breathed out, fingers finding his hair. that was his favorite. whether it was to simply massage his head or when he was between your legs, he loved the feeling of your tugging his hair. it was peaceful for him.

his tongue slid in and out your cunt, soft squelching sounds coming from it. your head rested on the pillow, back arching slightly off the bed. his hands gripped around your waist tighter, holding you close to his face. it wasn't like you were going anywhere, but he loved the idea of controlling your body movements.

he opened his eyes, looking up at your arched back and slightly open mouth. "feels good love?" he said into your pussy, circling his tongue right to your clit. you nodded, whimpering at the circular movement. he chuckled, continuing exactly that.

your breathing picked up, head lifting to look down at him. he smiled up at you while pulling your clit into his mouth, sucking right back on it. you hadn't even realized it, but his fingers pressed right at your entrance and slowly, made their way inside you. gasping at the double pleasure, your head fell right back onto the pillow.

"oh fuck Johnny.. too good." you whined, your feet now pressing flat on the bed. he felt you trying to pull away from him, but he was far too drunk off your pussy to give you a break. his fingers slowly moved in a "come here" motion, hitting right at your g spot, his tongue moving in circles around your clit at the same pace.

your stomach turned pleasurably, preparing for the first orgasm you'd be having in months. of course, with Johnny being gone you managed to buy yourself toys to keep you company. not even just for that, but also to try and incorporate them into sex with Johnny. but you only ended up using them for maybe a month or two before realizing it wasn't the same as the real thing. it wasn't the same as Johnny.

" look so beautiful love, so beautiful." he whispered, kissing your clit while his fingers continued to move inside you. your slick ran down to his knuckles, only making him harder. he couldn't help but move his hips against the mattress, trying to relieve some of the pain. but it didnt do much. and it only got worse once your legs began to shake on either side of his head.

it was embarrassingly fast you were going to cum. and you tried to think of a billion other things to help you not cum around his fingers and tongue. but Johnny made that increasingly more difficult. " cum for me baby. show me how much you missed me." he moaned against your pussy, grinding faster onto the mattress.

panting, you raised your head to look down at him. that sight alone made your orgasm take over. "I-im cumming.. oh Johnny~" you cried, your legs shaking fingers gripping onto the sheets. Johnny whimpered beneath you, slurping every last but you had to give him. he held your hips down onto his face, helping you ride out your orgasm.

as your legs began to calm down, he slowed down his tongue movements. "j-johhny please" you choked out, trying to get him off of you. but he wasn't budging. his hands sunk around your thighs, squeezing them gently before tugging you back onto his face further. as he did so, his tongue slid right back into your still throbbing hole, sighing as he tasted the sweetness of your juices on his tongue.

your head pressed back into the pillow, whimpering out as he moved his wet muscle in and out of your hole slowly. "missed the taste of you so much.. gimme one more. can you do that for me love? please." he begged between your thighs, taking his thumb to rub at your sensitive, puffy clit. you gave him a weak yes, gripping onto the sheets firmer, nails digging into your palm simultaneously.

his thumb moved in a faster circle, tongue moving to match that speed. "taste so good. love being between your legs." he moaned, shoving his face deeper into your pussy.

your eyes crossed as you felt his tongue rub right against your spongy g-spot, the feeling of his thumb on your clit adding to the sensation. "i'm s-so close.. " you whimpered, grinding your hips on his face. moaning into your pussy, he looked up at you. keeping eye contact, his thumb rubbed faster against your puffy clit.

he didn't even have to say much before you felt your second orgasm take over your body. "thats it baby.. feel good for me." he cooed, sucking gently over your overstimulated clit. weakly, you shove him away, this time successfully. " sorry.. just missed you so much." he smiled, lifting himself up from the mattress.

as your legs stopped shaking, he positioned himself between your legs, rubbing his tip up and down your slit. "did you miss me too my love?" he whispered, looking up into your eyes. your head nodded quickly, pushing up slightly enough for his tip to push inside. a gasp slipped past you both, his hips quickly moving back.

giggling, he moved his hands to your hips. "so impatient. but its okay. i'm impatient to." he whispered before slowly pressing into your tight warmth. your hands were quick to ball up, mouth forming into an 'O' shape. as he bottomed out into you, his forehead pressed against yours. "fuck I missed this." he groaned, pulling his bottom lip in-between hips teeth.

your hands cupped his cheeks, pressing his lips onto yours. the kiss was passionate. not your usual desperate, sloppy makeout. this one was surprisingly slow. slow but deep. your tongues danced together as his hips slowly pushed away and slowly moved forward again. he sped up a tad bit, nothing to the point bed was creaking or shaking. it was a steady, deep speed. one that allowed you both to just feel each other.

his hands roamed your body, cupping your boobs through the bra. you pulled away to look up at him, a smile on both faces. "I know.. we keep saying I-it but.. I missed you a lot." you said, small moans coming from you before the words could. he chuckled at your small struggle, rubbing his thumb against your cheek. " I missed you so much more my love.." he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek.

his other hand made busy with your clit, thumb rubbing it slowly and adding just enough pressure to the still puffy nerve. it didn't take long for his finger to get coated in your slick. "so wet.. don't know how long I can take." he moaned, picking up the pace slowly. you weren't complaining about this. and you honestly weren't expecting him to last too long after 7 months of using his hand alone. maybe a DIY flesh light if he even had the time and tools to make one. which you figured was very unlikely.

his balls slapped against the curve of your arse, his head falling into your neck. his moans slowly turned into whimpers and you knew by that alone he was definitely close. your hands wrapped around his neck, his head slowly lifting up. his eyes were hooded slightly, bottom lip again caught between his teeth. "g-gonna wait for you love.. so we c-can cum.. together." he groaned, looking in your face but quickly looking away. but where else was there to look? your face alone was enough to make him finish right then and there, so that wasn't an option. your body was perfect, the way it looked in the lingerie. the way the lighting in the room illuminated your skin and every curve you have. and oh how your moans and whimpers only made his balls tighten.

through all his struggle, he lost the battle and ended up cumming right then and there. "f-fuck..” he groaned, pressing his body over yours, panting into your neck. you smiled softly, running your hands through his hair as he grinds his hips into yours. “i.. thought i’d last a bit longer.” he breathed out. you could feel the heat from his cheeks against your neck.

you tugged his hair, pulling his head up gently. “sit back.” you said, pushing him off you. as he slid out, you fell his cum seep out of your pussy. he lazily sat back against the headboard, looking up at you as you shifted yourself over his semi hard on. you grabbed it with your hand, using his own cum and your juices as lube.

his hips bucked up a bit, still sensitive. “god you so beautiful.” he breathed out, scanning over your body. his hands reached out, pulling you closer into his chest. he leaned in, biting your nipple through your bra. you whimpered, gripping onto him a bit firmer. he smiled, pulling away to look up at you. “sorry.” he said.

rolling your eyes, you pumped him a bit more. when he was fully up again, you rubbed the tip against your folds, humming as the mix of your wetness and his cum covered your pussy. “come on baby.. don’t do this to me.” he whined, thrusting up gently. giggling, you gave into him and slid down onto his length. gasping, you both leaned your heads back.

his hands were quick to find your hips, guiding you up and down slowly. your body’s moved together, filling the room with little quiet skin slaps with a mix of your moans mixed together. “oh fuck Johnny.. love you so much.” you whimpered, looking down at him. his mouth was slightly ajar, eyes rolled back. as much as he did wanna respond, your pussy was too much for him to even process fully what you said.

your slick ran down to his balls, only making his fingers dig deeper into you. gently, he began to thrust up into you. your fingers remained in his hair, tugging on it gently. his eyes met yours, hands still gripping your hips. “so perfect.. your so perfect.” he panted, “w-wanna start a.. family with you.”

at first you thought it was simply the sex making him talk like that. but you remembered how before he left he’d talk about starting a family, what it would be like to be a military dad. every time you both went to the store he’d make a 10 minuet pit stop to look at the baby clothes.

as you processed what he said, you began to feel your stomach turning and you knew you were close. “i love you so much.” he moaned, picking up his pace slightly. his legs very gently began to shake, his head falling into your chest. “come on love make love with me. show me how much you love me too.” he whimpered.

your hips matched his speed, the sound of skin clapping growing louder. you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up and kiss you. another deep, passionate kiss. for some reason, you loved this type of sex more than the rough “coming back home” sex. you felt like you both were bonding. spiritually and physically. you loved it. and you loved the idea of carrying his baby even more.

“i w-wanna start a family t..too.” you whined, pulling away from the kiss. he smiled up at you, slowing his hips down. as your hips continued to move, you felt yourself coming closer to the end. your pussy pulsed around his length, hands gripping onto him firmer. “g-gonna cum.” you whimpered, moving slightly quicker.

just as you came around him, body shaking and head tilting back, he thrusted up deeply into you, moaning your name out. his head found the crook of your neck, panting into it as his hips thrusted up into you slowly, pushing all his cum inside you. your hips came to a halt, letting him ride out his and your orgasm. “fuck i love you.” he whispered, slumping back against the bed again.

you smiled, resting your head on his chest while he softened inside of you. you both ended up staying like this, discussing the risks of having a baby right now. but also the positives. “i’m ready for this if you are.” you said as he slid out from below you. gently, he laid you on the bed, pressing a kiss to your neck.

“i’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you my love. whatever you want to do, i’ll do. if you wanna have this baby with me, i’ll make it the best and easiest pregnancy i possibly can.” he said, standing from the bed.

smiling at him, you nodded your head. “okay. let’s start a family.”

omg i really hope you all like this😭 i’ve never written a vanilla smut but the idea was so cute it honestly is one of my favorite works. anyways PLEASE REQUEST OTHER CHARACTERS I WRITE FOR ALL OF THEMM

[kingkennny10]

Pink Picasso

Craig Tucker x gn!Reader

fluff/hurt/comfort cause im a sucker for his stoic ass, basically despite everything bad happening around yall you can depend on eachother and have eachother through everything, everything is pretty gn, i did put the prefix ‘mx’ in there once, feel free to read it with which ever prefix you prefer!!

Today was a particularly draining day for you, stress from work and just overall just feeling upset. After work you came home and flopped into bed with a groan ready to sleep the day away. You drifted off for a couple hours until your phone ringing woke you up. It was your boyfriend Craig, you were shocked and began to panic. You had a date night planned tonight and you forgot all about it. You picked up the facetime call with a frown.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I fell asleep after work.” You said sadly into the phone. He had a little smile on his face as he heard your voice.

“That’s alright honey, I figured when you didnt text after an hour. Come let me in.” He said as he got out his car. You heard his door shut from out your window and smiled dragging yourself out of bed to your front door. He hung up the phone and knocked on the door. When you opened it he held out a bouquet of lavender for you to take. “Some relaxing flowers to start off out night of relaxation. How you feeling honey?” He asked as you let him walk in taking the flowers. You knew he could tell how tired you looked, you couldn’t do anything about it now.

“Tired and stressed, works been a lot lately.” You said with a sigh, he grabbed the flowers from you and placed them on a nearby counter and wrapped you up in a big hug. You finally let it all out as you wrapped your arms around him, you let your tears flow. “I’m sick of dealing with all these sucky people all the time. It sucks, it sucks real bad.” You sobbed muffled into his chest. He pet your head gently and rocked you side to side. Even though he wasn’t doing the most, it helped you so much knowing he was here for you.

“I know baby, I know.” He said quietly. You held onto him tightly, not wanting to let him go. Is this really all you needed to help your stress? Your body didn’t seem to ache as much as it did when you got into bed.

“Why do people think its okay to treat others like shit? Just because they don’t know me they think its alright, that it’s not gonna effect me! It’s bullshit, it’s all bullshit.” Craig placed a kiss on the top of your head and rested his chin there now rubbing soothing circles on your back. Despite his lack of response he’s helping you so much by just being there for you. His touch seemed to heal all your stress and anxiety. The tears slowly stopped as you began to let yourself be in this moment with him.

“Cmon, lets get you in the bath and I’ll order us some food.” He said after a couple minutes like this. You nodded pulling away from his chest. He grabbed your hand leading you to your room. “Grab some comfy clothes, I’m gonna start the water.” He said now making his way to the bathroom. You brought your clothes and towels with you to the bathroom and watched quietly and he glided his hand through the bubbly water.

“Thank you baby.” You said quietly making him jump. He turned and smiled at you holding his other hand out for you to come closer. You obliged standing next to him resting your head atop his. He was sat on the edge of the tub, one arm around you an the other in the bath water.

“What do you think about steak n shake?” He asked looking up at you as he stopped the water. You smiled and nodded.

“Do I get a milkshake?” You asked setting your clothes and towel down. He laughed at your question.

“Yea you’re gettin your own, cause I’m not sharing mine.” He said getting up and out of your way. You frowned at him for knowing you’d drink his.

“Can I at least try yours?” You asked with puppy eyes. He rolled his eyes with a laugh.

“Yea I guess, but you can’t have it if you end up liking it.” Craig said leading you to sigh. “Im gonna go put the flowers up and order the food. Shout if you need me.” He placed a kiss on your nose before he left the bathroom leaving the door cracked. You smiled to yourself as you undressed and got in the hot water. The whatever tension was left in your body left quickly as you sunk into the bubbly water. After about 15 minutes there was a knock at the bathroom door before Craig walked in.

“There you are, I was worried you got lost.” You teased and he rolled his eyes with a fake laugh. He had his keys in hand as he knelt down beside the tub.

“Im gonna go pick up the food, when you get out you wanna set up the room for a movie? Im thinking rom coms.” He said running a hand through your damp hair. He knew what he was doing suggesting rom coms.

“Ooo feeling cheesy today huh?” You teased making him laugh.

“Yeah yeah, it’s cause I love you and know Adam Sandler will make you feel better.” He said and poked your forehead. Now its your turn to laugh.

“You know me too well Mister Tucker. And yes I would love to set up movie night!” You said with a bright smile. Everything Craig has done for you today has made all the weight you felt earlier disappear, you have no worries with him around and he knows it.

“Alright Mx. Tucker, the next time you see me I’ll have a bunch of food and milkshakes. Don’t drown while I’m gone please!” He placed a kiss on your lips and left you red faced in your bath. You spent 5 more minutes in the warm water before getting out to dry off and get dressed. You cut on the fairy lights in your room as to keep it dim and set up the tv. You walked over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and noticed the lavender in a vase on the counter there.

“Not one for placement is he.” You said to yourself. You breathed in the fresh scent from the flowers before moving it to the coffee table in the living room. You went to go lay back down in the bed and wait for Craig who showed up 5 minutes later. “Welcome home honey!” You said happily from your spot on the bed. He placed 2 bags of food down on the bed and the shakes on the bedside table before he climbed in the bed and squished you into a hug.

“Thats something I’m gonna need to hear more often.” He said and peppered your face in kisses. “Let’s eat!” He said and brought the bags of food to your laps.

“Thank you for this Craig. I really needed it.” You said opening up your food. He leaned over placing a kiss at your temple and then nudged you with his shoulder before he spoke.

“If you’re not happy I’m not happy. You mean the everything to me and I don’t want you being so stressed out over work. No matter how everyone else treats you, I’m always gonna be here to wash it away. I need you to remember that whenever you’re upset.” He said and you rested your head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you. “I wanna marry you one day, and if I can’t keep you happy, how am I gonna make that happen?” He asked rhetorically, you laughed at how cheesy he was being.

“You’re such a loser Craig.” You laughed and he could only scoff. “I love you.” You said and kissed his cheek.

“I love you too honey.” He replied and gave you a kiss on the lips.

Yea yea, craig might be out of character, what about it!?!?!!! I just need sappy ol craig an milkshakes, thank you!! i had to fight every urge in my body to make him say sugar, i just really like sugar as a pet name i guess, but i kept it “canonical” by having him say honey, 😞

[teddykaczynski]

:| im getting so impatient that i havent moved into my apartment yet cause my current dorm is sooo fucking tiny i really cant bring boysweetie there plus my layout makes the room hard to traverse unless youre me ANd Then when we hang out at his place we gotta deal with his cat that will piss or shit or puke on his bedding very frequently and he didnt realize that had happened today till wed been here for 2 hours and he has to do all the laundry Now and none of it can be put off til tomorrow (i think so but its not my call) and its not all the same one load bc hes an earth sign so its gonna take like 4 hours and he works at 8am. and i hate one of his roommates and yeah it took a while to get our food ordered too. its just frustrating me bc i know if we were at my place at my future apartment with space we would have already had dinner probably already kissed and cuddled a lot more had a lot more quality time but instead? hes grumpy and i am too a little and its just. sucky

[pteropods]

haiiii pastex questions. What is project koro and what is the basilisk machine?

YIPPEEEEEEE I LOVE PASTEX QUESTIONS

[tl;dr at the end, most of this is me ramblin abt the history of Koro]

Koro, or "The Basilisk" (previous name b4 I started calling it Koro) is the primary antagonist of Pastex. It's inspired by Rokos Basilisk, hence the name.

Project Koro was started by Grandmaster Primis, the first grandmaster (He wasn't called the grandmaster atp tho) in what would probably be likeee. the 2010s? id have to cross reference the dates I have for everything. its not that important when he started it so w/e. Anyway Primis came up with Rokos Basilisk (Basically an all-powerful AI that seeks to make a haven for humanity, HOWEVER if you had thought of it or been told the idea and not helped to make it then u would be tortured/killed/etc) and got Really Scared that it wld come true and if he didnt stary working on it Right Then And There he was gonna be tortured.

Hence began "project Koro", centered entirely around bringing this AI into existence. The Basilisk computer is the source of Koro itself (the AI), though it's still not done when Pastex starts (over 500 years later- However, a lot of the research and tech got destroyed in the war so its not like its been a linear track)

Project Koro eventually turned into a company (an "AI research institute"), famous for its philanthropic deeds (it had an orphange part of it, that's where Ishawuu grew up, but unbeknownst to the public is was more of somewhere to groom children into being loyal to the basilisk/koro). Yoki interened snd worked there 👍. In the next 80 years they expanded to military usage AI (along with still working on Koro) and helped in the war efforts.

Post-war there was. very little hope to be had. Like 90% of humanity had been killed. BUT! The grandmaster at the time survived (This wld be likeee. the fifth one? I think? idk I can do the math later).

Keep in mind that though Koro (and by extension the grandmaster) is the antatonist and villain, the REASON it exists is in order to help all of humanity (besides the ppl it tortures....), so the grandmaster is deeply invested in Helping People. Which is why after the war, the grandmaster and surviving Koro employees began probiding aid and establishing a new center government to rebuild society.

However, he's also deeply invested in Getting People To Help Create Koro (the two ways for someone to not b tortured is to never know about it, or to know about it and help create it. in The Grandmasters mind, it's better to tell ppl and help them create it than keep it a secret and rusk someone thinking of it themself or figuring it out and not being able to/wanting to help), so by being provided food and shelter, the ppl also have to help work on Koro (at this point, tho, that really just means rebuilding society since u cant work on it without. being alive.)

Having Project Koro and trying to establish a central government actually worked rlly well together, bcs ppl banded togethet at the idea of creating a benevolent being/god to save them.

That brings us to the start of the story, 500 years in the future and 400 years post-bomb, where Koro as a government and city is incredibly powerful, and Project Koro is near completion.

tl;dr:

Project Koro is a project to built an AI that would make a haven for every1 besides those who knee about it and didn't help to build it (Based on Roko's Basilisk, a thought experiment)

The Basilisk is Koro, the AI, and the primary antagonist of the series- the computer is what powers it

[crypticbydesign]

Here's something I realized;

I just realized that my dream.of being a real fit dude and looking like it will never, ever happen. Like ever.

I can be fit. I can be as fit as i want. I possibly will get strong enough to meet my goals (picking up my friends and spinning them around despite them weighing more than me and being much taller than me.) But i will never look like it, if i'm lucky when i transition i'll get a bit more visible muscle, but not much.

The reasoning behind this is that my dad has a genetic condition that causes him to not process the proteins needed to create visible muscle. (He still is very fit for being in his mid 50's and has a bit of tum/it isnt defined as abs) but he can carry 120 pounds (3 bags of roughly 40ish lbs wood pellets) on one shoulder. With minimal trouble. But he doesn't look like he should be able to do this. He doesn't have a lot of visible muscle because of his condition.

Knowing all this about him is important because I just got work out equipment (two five lbs weights and an eight lb kettlebell weight) in order to try to get some abs and some more visible muscle since i have noodle arms. I knew that it was extremely possible that I also had this condition because i have trouble with gaining weight/having it fluctuate (which my dad also struggles (struggled with.) (Not sure if he really struggles now that he's a bit older and his metabolism has slowed down due to it). And for the fact that in highschool (last 2 years) i was carrying a haybale that was sopping wet by myself. (That was closeish to 100+ lbs cause square bales are 80 lbs dry and straw/hay holds water like no other). I had a bit more visible muscle than i do now (not much cause other than lugging horse stuff around a barn and working fast food i didnt work out. And now i work in fast food and work out at least once a week. Usually only once a week).

My dad also confirmed that even without genetic testing there's a pretty much 100% chance i have the same condition. I am gonna be my tiny 5'1 self and be 120 pounds and carry my friends that weight more than me and i wont look like i'll be able to!! Thats gonna be awesome! 😈 One of my goals is to pick up my manager friend he's about 6' tall and he said over 200lbs. It's my goal to pick him up and spin him around. Preferably one armed. (The one arm i know aint realistic but i can dream aight?) I'm gonna be so good at huggin!

This also goes hand in hand with something else that gives me gender euphoria; being happy and bubbly. I say 'good mornin' to everyone at work as soon as i see them. Sometimes in my regular voice, sometimes in my customer service voice, sometimes in a silly voice for a specific person. I've had people cuss me out over doing this or say that it's not very manly of me to do that. As if showing love and affection is a gender related thing. I've had to explain to them that i do it because i want my coworkers to smile; i want them to have a good day and if i can bring a moment of happiness by singling them out to call them by name and say good morning then i will and not one person can stop me.

What i don't tell them is that i can not physcially find worth in myself or think that i matter, but I think that every single person i work with matters, that they have an immeasurable amount of worth and by saying something as simple as good morning and getting a smile or a laugh or even a 'dude it's not morning anymore.' And having to explain that if it can be 5 o'clock anywhere it can be morning at 2pm and that gives methe most gender euphoria because through everything in that moment they're seeing the true me; unmasked and a happy little dude.

[themediummultiverseau]

So now we know that papyrus is aware of the ghost, but what does he think of each of them? (Doesn't need to be every single one but maybe just the ones he most often heard about? Tho i wouldn't mind all of em either)

Maybe why dream and killer are fond of him, and what do the others think?

(im sorry i havent answered this, ive just been so drained and i just dont have the mental or physical energy to draw for it, but the guilt has been eating me alive, so im gonna write this out, and i might edit it to add art after if i can)

lets work in areas, we'll start with the park ghosts, and then year order, then ill give paps answers as to how he feels about them at the end

Nightmare - He admires Papyrus's enthusiasm, and can see how he very clearly cares about his brother very strongly, and admires how close they are as siblings, something he wishes he had with dream. He also sees how him and dream similar, at least, how he remembers dream to be.

Cross - He sees the hidden strength that others do not in him, but also sees his peaceful nature within. Always sees the good in everyone, believing that they can be the best version of themself if they try, something he wishes he could have himself.

Dust - is kinda scared of him, but once he saw that he wasn't like his brother, he warmed up to him, wishing his brother was like him, someone who cared, and when sans told paps about this, paps offered to be his new brother, dust smiled for the fist time in a long while when he got the news

Horror - He wants so desperately to hug paps, and thank him for everything he has and still does for sans and their makeshift family. When paps learned of Horrors past, he told sans to bring him some of the spaghetti he was making, and leave it as an offering for him to have. Horror cried when he got the food. Paps insists that even when he doesnt go with sans to see them, that he take food for him, and Horror is so honoured

Killer - He sees Paps as the brother he never had. Killer didnt have any siblings, the only one i believe - minus blue who im working on behind the scenes - and in the ghost family, he's the youngest, he kinda sees paps as his baby brother, but doesnt want to share that cus he feels like he'd be stealing him from his real brother if he did, which is silly, paps has enough love for everyone.

Hospital

Dream - he relates to paps, and sees his younger self in his carefree attitude. He sees the adult Paps is, still so hopeful about the world, and wishes he still thought that way.

Geno - doesnt really interact with him much, he likes him, but theyre not very close. Genos kinda a mum friend, and sees paps as someone in the group of people he cares for, but they dont spend much time together

Town

Ink - routinely forgets of paps existence, when he's reintroduced, they get along great, and tend to hype each other up when talking about topics theyre interested in, very eager to hear about the others interests

Lust - while first wary, lust if very comfortable with him now. lust tends to be cautious with everyone he meets for the first time, due to his past, but he sees that paps is a good person, and sees him as what everyone should be, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to lift your spirits ;)

Error - He doesnt really care about paps, he doesnt really care about anyone, but sometimes paps will offer him some wool or some knitting needles, and is now in his good books, though he'll refuse to admit it

paps :

Nightmare - he tries to help him see that he doesnt need to be so uptight all the time, everyone around him loves him, he doesnt always need to be "perfect," hes perfect to them all the same

Cross - He thinks Cross is so cool! While obviously paps is very cool, sometimes deep down he doesnt really believe it, but Cross really is! he hopes one day he will be just as brave and cools as him!

Dust - He feels really bad for him, he just want to give him a big hug, but he cant, so he'll make do with silent one sided comfort. he understands what its like for there to be so much noise in your head, that sometimes you want to scream, sometimes all you need is a hand to.... not hold

Horror - He's very glad that such a great baker likes his cooking! sometimes, he'll ask horror for new recipes, or tips to try, and together they run a small cooking blog online, stating that they have and old family cook book, and want the world to have access to those recipes, with sans typing it up for them - Its Ghost written ;)

Killer - He's very energetic! If he was visible to him, he'd love to show off cool magic attacks or have a friendly spar with him! They'd get along like a house on fire - just dont tell Nightmare that

Dream - Hes so sad to see the light squashed out of someone once a beacon of joy, and he hopes that with a few more people to speak to, and someone to show him the world can be good, that spark will rekindle - but maybe dont word it like that

Geno - He's very nice! Very mature, if a little morbid, he want to get closer to him, maybe he just needs to visit a little more!

Ink - Hes very cool! A very talented artist, and he like all papyrus's puzzles! sometimes they'll talk for hours about new ideas

Lust - he doesnt understand why lust wont show himself to him, that what his power is, right? But he respects that maybe he just doent want to! thats okay, he cant see the other ghosts either, if lust wants space to be happy, he can give him that

Error - He sees him as sort of like a cat, antisocial, but will begrudgingly tolerate your presence, one day he'll get him to like him! he refuses to give up!

Now, you have to remember, Papyrus cant see the ghosts, and while he can kinda feel where they are, he cant hear them (with the exception of horror, but thats not his voice) so -

Imagine Sans sitting in the corner translating everything for paps to hear FOR. EVERY. CONVERSATION.

mans just a walking Ouija board at this point

[be-steddie-myheart]

valentines day dinner with homemade foods and candles and cute gifts with steddie!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

okay so we all know steve is a bleeding heart romantic at his core, but his execution of it is a little less than lol so he would plan this really sweet day for Eddie for Valentines day!

He would go to the store to get all the ingredients to make homemade pizza. everyone loves pizza right? well hes gonna make it by hand. he also picks up a six pack of beer, obviously. as hes heading to the register to check out, he passes by a notebook. its a pretty cool notebook with a dragon engraved on the hard cover and its red and black and it just screams Eddie so he picks it up and then he passes by the cereal aisle and gets him some honeycombs. so now that hes got all the stuff he needs for the date, he gets home and gets to work.

Eddie didnt know what to expect when Steve told him to come over around 6 today, he knows its Valentines day but hes never been in a serious relationship before and so he doesnt really know what Steve has planned. Should Eddie get something for Steve? Should he ask him to be his valentine? theyre boyfriends so it should be obvious that theyre each others valentines right? Eddie starts to spiral a little and heads to the store to get some chocolates and a bouquet of flowers.

Eddie shows up at Steves door with his long curly hair pulled into a messy bun at the nape of his neck, wearing a little bit of eyeliner, a worn out band tee and his signature black jeans with some holes here and there. He knocks on the door with the hand holding the chocolates and cant help but break into a huge smile when the door opens and Steve is standing there in his yellow sweater with his light blue jeans on, his floofy brown hair styled up to perfection. “Happy Valentines Day, Sweetheart.” Eddie says holding out the chocolate and flowers. A beautiful blush creeps up Steves neck as he steps aside for Eddie to come in and pass off the gifts.

“I love the flowers, Ed. They’re actually perfect, I needed a centerpiece!” Steve says a little shyly. Now Eddie was intrigued. Steve seemed shy and needed a centerpiece? What did he plan? He followed Steve into the dining room and watched him place the flowers in a vase he pulled out of the cupboard. He watched Steve walk over to the table to place the flowers down and thats when he noticed what all Steve had done. There was dim lighting in the dining room, all coming from different scented and shaped candles sitting on almost every available surface, with rose petals sprinkled around the table and on top of the table. Eddie even noticed a trail of them coming from the doorway they just walked through. “Stevie.” Eddie breathed, a little flustered.

“Instead of ordering out like we usually do, I thought I could do something a little different and make us homemade pizzas, baked with love. and beer of course” Steve stood there proudly, knowing how adorable Eddie thought this was and also knowing that absolutely crushed this holiday. Eddie cheeks were a lovely shade of pink now and he was smiling widely at Steve. He dramatically grabbed at his heart and gasped. “Oh my knight in shining armor, Ser Steve! What a lovely surprise”

Steve blushed at that. “I also got you something else, I dont really know if you’ll like it or whatever but i saw it and it made me think of you so..” He trailed off, bringing a wrapped present out from behind his back.

Eddie made grabby hands for the package and tore into it excitedly. He stopped when he saw the notebook.

“I thought maybe you could use this to plan out your DnD adventures and stuff. Like jot down little notes, I dont know but i saw it and thought of you”

“Oh Stevie, this is the best. You’re so amazing. I’ve never been treated like this before.” Eddie wasnt being dramatic this time, he pulled Steve into a hug and kissed him passionately on the lips before moving onto kiss his forehead and cheeks and chin and basically anywhere he could get his lips. “You totally crushed this holiday, big boy.”

“I’m a romantic.” Steve giggled.

[nukleator]

Holy fuuuuuuuuck i felt like a hostage tonight. Started my day 15 unpaid minutes early to ensure i will have enough time to enter the food order even if 10 things go wrong. Finished that, begin setting up my station but we get busy right away so i have to wait, get a tiny bit of prep done, busy again, repeat for four hours.

Ok everything done and im off now.

Hmm but of course the AM fry cook didnt run the filter cycle and i need that oil to last one more day. Guess ill hang around 10 minutes to get that done. Oh shit i just remembered i didnt put the last shipment of buns away and im expected to that so gonna get that done quickly. I break down the cardboard and remember there's empty boxes in the walk in still. Gotta deal with those. Suddenly 30 minutes have passed. Oops.

OKAY NOW IM DONE. Got my street clothes on, just gonna pop back on the line and grab some food. Oh shit its busy. Like REALLY busy. It's shift change so there's only two cooks working right now and our bill times are gonna be ridiculous. Can't leave it like this so i guess i'll help out.

20 minutes later and done. Got my food. Got my coat on. Lets get outta here. Say bye to GM and im about to reach for the door when he says "hey actually do you think you can stay 3 hours just to make sure theyre ok?"

FUCK

"no problem im on it! 😃" Is my immediate reply however

Back in my clogs and whites and im thinking ok this is fine im just here for the dinner rush and then i go home. My hours were cut this week so at least i can get a few back.

HOLY. SHIT. We got destroyed, annihilated, pulverised, whatever. I got put on expo and i have never seen such madness. It was somehow worse than a friday night. We only had about half the covers we do on friday but they were concentrated into one single hour of pure hell.

My PM fry cook didnt want to be there and refused to do half her job (make fries). She tried to pawn her shift to me immediately and got upset when i said hell no. She also snapped "dont tell me what to do when you havent helped me at all!" when i said to her "please you need to help me blanch (your) fries because we (you) are gonna run out in about 10 minutes!!" meanwhile i have 12 entrées that are piling up at my station and im communicating with FOH to make sure things dont get run to the wrong table which prevents me from walking away and oh yeah cooking fries is YOUR job. One of the takeout servers heard us and actually ran into the kitchen with a box of fries 😭😭😭😭 new favourite server

Anyways then while shit is still fucked she walks out of the kitchen to talk to the MOD and i see them talking and tbh i think oh fuck shes telling her she cant work with me. Then the guy on desserts walks over and starts dropping baskets so im like oh okay they wanted to swap. But THEN he says to me ok im going back to desserts now btw and im like !?

So now im watching fryers as well and im wondering where the fry cook is. After a while i finally say WHERE IS SHE and one of cooks says oh... She went home sick. Forgot to tell you.

WTF

Okay actually im super tired n ow so im not even gonna finish my rant but the the main point is that i wanted to fucking go home after this shit and all those cunts inthe kitchen guilted me and bullied me into staying. They all claimed they didnt know how to clean the fryers which i find hard to believe. I got upset and then they were like ohh no.... You can go home. Totally. We wont hold this against you and make your life worse or anything. Like WOW awesome.

So thats how i worked 12 hours today on 0 food and a single can of monster because i didnt even have time to get water.

[taserblade]

yall, today was actually the worst its been since that fuckass softball tournament.

i was so in my head ab how people at work have been saying they’re concerned for me, its been making me feel like im under surveillance. everything i say or do is being judged. so i was super off my game today.

plus, hot manager has been weird towards me recently and i feel like its my fault and i wanna cry again thinking about god im so pathetic.

and the cherry on fucking top, i handed out an order to someone before they had paid. i will say in my 3 years in the food industry, ive never had anyone dine and dash on me. today was just my lucky day i guess. the guy told me he had paid online, but it hadnt gone thru it was just a pending charge. i told him so, and told him to wait while i grab my manager. told him what was happening, and he went outside to explain that we have no proof of payment, so he has to pay again (that pending charge will bounce by the end of the day). the guy ended up arguing with my manager before deciding to just take the food and drive off. he took a pic of the dudes plates and decided to file a police report. they interviewed me and it was a whole ordeal. it was fucking horrible.

it was all my fault. i inconvenienced everybody for a stupid mistake. hot manager yelled at me for it. he later came back and apologized but i couldnt be normal about it. hugging him didnt feel right, i didnt want to be touched. i was so awkward and he was trying to be nice and tell me it wasnt my fault and it was okay and mistakes happen and all this fucking bullshit. doesnt change what happened.

i cried in my car when i got off, and my bf met me there. i told him what happened. he went to talk to hot manager ab it, and i went home. hot manager then called me to tell me again he was sorry for yelling, it wasnt my fault, im a good employee, blah blah blah.

got home and realized all my tip money fell out of my pocket. cried again.

im gonna dissociate for a couple weeks, i might not be active.

[tipytap]

WORK RECAP!

job: Laser tag referee

busyness: 3/10 morning, 7/10 as soon as noon hit

HIGHLIGHTS:

i dont normally work mornings but i swapped my shift with someone so they could go to pride :)

didnt actually realize i was in laser tag today until i got to work

couldnt find my keycard in the morning before work, forgot it was in the bag i normally take to work

was so sleepy in the morning it took me until i finished opening laser tag (about a half hour) to realize i fully wore the wrong shoes (an 8 hour shift in vans was NOT fun)

not busy at all in the morning, me and a co-worker found a stray ping pong ball and played 7 on the desk

it was so dead in the morning i was debating if i really needed to schedule a break, especially since we had enough people today to cover a few sessions of laser tag if needed. one person ended up getting sent home before it got busy, had to wait to schedule my break because it got too busy and there was no one to cover! :,)

the person who was taking my position for the evening shift said they were gonna be an hour late, so i scheduled my break finally :) BUT THEN THEY SHOWED UP ON TIME AND I WASNT FULLY ABLE TO TAKE A BREAK BECAUSE I HAD TO LEAVE :(

when the one person left i had to take over her drawer and i didnt know where she left the bag all the money goes in at the end of the day ;-; took a full like 3 min to find it

we have an MIT (manager in training) and he’s a pretty nice guy, and he took my drawer for counting. but this man. he tapped a blank part of the screen. at least 10 times. expecting it to do something. there are,,, buttons. i basically had to go off of what i saw other managers do previously to help him print an audit. it worked in the end! he’s cool, but i dont think he knows how computers work???

MIT struggled to find me in the system to count my drawer bc its under my legal name

one of the cool managers ordered food for me for my break when i was too busy to and put the check under “Luca Pookie”

overall rating: 3/10, exausted pretty much all day but i took a nap when i got home :)

[expensive-rainbows]

im so tired. i got up at 830 which you would think would be fine but it felt like i was getting hit by a truck. then i had bootcamp which is js a rlly hard workout for three hrs at my tkd place. i was home for like an hour and then i had to go to work and im so tired i almost fell asleep on the way home. it also took me way too long to figure out that im hungry and i had to go through everything ive eaten today ((in order btw) energy drink, mac and cheese, three fries, and a shake (im steaming some green bean rn dw))

at work i (i work at an ice cream place) i covered the register for most of the shift, and people would just hand me their card and expect me to do everything for them. including enter the tip and their code if they needed to. idk how i was sposed to know that stuff but i was. id say, itll ask you abt the tip, and theyd look so annoyed, and then if it didnt go through right away, id check and itd be asking for the code, and id tell them and theyd be annoyed. usually they were pretty good abt taking their card back, but one guy js stood there and stared at me and asked if i was gonna give him his card.

also i had fries for my break food, and i didnt know they were ready right away, so by the time i got them they were hard and burnt, so i didnt rlly eat any. i was kinda disappointed since when i was getting cheese to dip them in i accidentally poured hot cheese all over my hand and had to run to the back to rinse off my hand (the front sink only has hot water and thatd probably be worse). later i was talking to one of my coworkers and i realized that i probably swore in front of a bunch of customers (i definitely swore i js wasnt sure if it was in front of customers or not)

two of my coworkers have the most vacant stare ever. im sure they arent as stupid as they look but they look like theyre rlly stupid. but they do whatever i tell them to so if theres something i dont want to do i can be like hey can you go make *thing i dont want to make* and theyll just do it. i told my mom about it and she said that even though im probably younger than both of them im making myself in charge by being more confident and that is the first time ive been described that way lmao.

cw: rape mentions, sh, trauma, etc

ok so this probably doesnt seem on topic but i promise it is. (no i was not raped at work or anything)

anyways today my shift lead was jeff (not his name) who is probably 6 ft, white, blonde eyes, and wears his hat backwards (its hats or hairnets we all choose hats). for some unknown reason jeff scares me. like i cant look him in the eye kinda scared. it took me half an hour to go tell him the register was out of pennies. he bumped my elbow when he was replacing the napkins and i wanted to rip my arm off. i kept thinking he was gonna corner me and rape me. he has shown no indication of doing anything to hurt me in any way, and the only time weve ever touched has been when he bumped my elbow. he is a nice guy and i always feel guilty for having a part of my brain convinced that hes gonna rape me. its the same thing with my drivers ed teacher. he was saying something the other day while i was driving and jokingly hit my arm and i wanted to puke. he is also a nice guy but i can see him keeping me after class one of these days and raping me. just like i can see jeff following me into the bathroom, or up into the loft and raping me. i wasnt raped (unless i blocked it out i would probably remember) but i can feel it. i can feel myself being raped, being held down, i can see myself making the decision not to yell for help because something worse might happen. i can see myself not fighting because he could kill me if i fight back. i can see myself making the decision not to tell anyone, since its not rlly their business, and i wouldnt want to report it so why tell anyone anyways. if i wasnt raped why do i know what it feels like, why do i know what would happen, why can i play it in my head over and over again.

ok i got a little off track but point is im annoyed, i am fine most of the time, but theres some guys that i just cant be around.

sorry, that was a lot of words, im probably fine dw

[mojavepumpkin]

2/6/24

interesting day today; got home at 10:40, it's 12:20 now. work was ok, I mean - closing was bad. really bad. its not on me though, so whatever. maybe its easier to cope when i can blame someone other than myself. the rest was good, i breaded today, which ive grown an affinity towards. ive been getting scheduled with P more than anyone else; he always puts me on breading. its cool to bread when hes managing because we can talk, which makes the time go faster.

before that i ate pizza, and a chicken breast as a kind of late lunch - i didnt eat much at school (H wanted it) - though i did eat breakfast which is semi-rare. It was a sausage biscuit. getting out of the school today was horrible, i think im gonna start leaving through the side exit down to new school road to avoid the traffic - also my theory has been basically confirmed, it is indeed easier, faster, and more fuel efficient to circumnavigate the traffic by going through deloach rather than to push through it in the morning.

i missed a beta meeting this morning, i dont know how many points i have - i dont care. C sat with me at breakfast today, which is a rare occurrence, i think me and him are becoming somewhat closer but i cant really tell. i missed the beta meeting because i didn't know about it in the first place but i would've made it ironically had i not woken up with greasy hair and decided to wash it this morning, and had i not taken the 'faster' way.

art class was good - well, we didn't get to talk much at all... actually, i take it back, art class was subpar. very little banter ensued, which is the real reason im in there. we had to do actual work. sucked. biology was fine, took a quiz, 96, test friday. im pretty sure she heard me refer to pollen as 'plant nut'.

lunch food sucked, but i didn't eat much of it so does that matter? english was fine, she attempted a pop quiz but i had already heard about it- plus it got interrupted by a tornado drill - which i'm pretty sure we failed. our plan is shoddy at best, we had kids double stacked on the walls. public speaking was interesting as always, meditated in there. which i might start doing regularly, i was anxious in there for some reason, meditating helped. mrs. waters reminds me of mrs. kelly.

i got mcdonald's after work, but ordered from the wrong one (the ghetto one by the college) so i had to go across town to get it, which added like 30 minutes to my route. the sandwich wasn't even that good. oh well. c'est la vie.

i should be going to sleep but i feel like im owed some me-time, and this is pretty much all im going to get. im gonna restrict instagram to 25 minutes a day, i think. ive reverted back to being a diet coke fiend. one of life's greatest pleasures is an ice cold diet coke from a can.

i need to put gas in my car but im trying to get it to where my mom has to fill it up when she drives my car on friday, i have 85 miles, its tuesday. i dont think im going to make it. i have a haircut one of these days, but im not sure when. ive been thinking about growing it out again, mostly because i saw chip gaines on that fixer upper show, and i think it looked kind of good in a weird way. but haircut for now.

i think writing about my day at the end of it is a good way to end my day. i need to get night face cream, i probably need to shave. if its not cold id like to get outside tomorrow. my legs hurt from standing all day. i cleaned my room today. ive been thinking about going to church. idk with whom. its been so long since ive been. maybe im missing out on something? idk, i'd go with C and M.E., shes invited me before, weird to think im actually considering it.

i suppose this is long enough already.

its only tuesday. i cant believe its only tuesday.

[faintlyof]

i don’t usually stray too far from my comfort zone and like try new things

but yesterday and today, i felt a bit more...productive? grounded? i dunno, a little different than usual. i actually opened the curtain and EVEN opened the actual window

literally for the first time since i moved in here almost 2 years ago

(rambling about food and trying new things under the cut)

so today i was feeling a bit antsy and snacky and was contemplating yet another round of mcdonalds when i found myself scrolling through uber eats...

i got paid (not a lot) but my mom helped me out last month so i had a bit extra money and decided to try something else that looked yummy

i wound up looking at korean food and i dont really eat korean food so i dont really know what anything was and also its all in japanese so i just picked out some keywords

but after a lot of scrolling back and forth, i finally took the leap and ordered not one, not two, not three, but four new things! (im counting the drink as new too...)

i was nervous it would be too spicy or i just wouldnt like it and i had wasted my money, but i literally remembered when txt taehyun said that he used to be scared of change so you should start with little things like trying a new type of ramen and that eventually the body remembers that not all change is bad, so i figured if i didnt like it, i would know for the future and i could have some bonus chocolate to soothe the sting and if i didnt like it then there’d be no problem

well, i have just finished eating everything (and it was a lot) and...it was amazing!???

im about to mutilate these romanizations, but i dont really know how to english korean words (im familiar with some, but now many) and also now ive only seen them in katakana so...not the best way to work but ah well

anyways, i got...pork and potato kimchi sundubo (スンドゥブ), cheese tteobokki (トッポギ), hotteok (ホットク), and corn silk tea? sorry again for possibly mangling those, i ate a lot and now im too tired to do anything. xD

my least favorite was probably the hotteok, but the more i ate it, the yummier it got. i guess im neutral on it. it reminded me of a lot of different anko sweets that i dont like on the first bite but by the end im like hmmm not awful actually

i literally got the tteobokki because of that adorable clip of txt taehyun pointing to the menu saying cheese tteobokki and honestly, i get it, it was fucking amazing

the sundubo (??? wtf is thisss??) was also seriously good. it had more tofu than i was expecting, which was my bad, all the descriptions raved about the shops in-house tofu and the tofu is probably one of the main points of the dish, like i said, i didnt really read too much. im not really a tofu person, but it tasted really good in the soup and with the potato and meat. i know im allergic to soy, but i think tofu is processed enough that it doesnt give me issues, i’ve just never found a way to eat it that makes me want to eat it more xD

and lastly the corn silk tea. opened the bottle, smells like my favorite corn chips, took  a sip, tastes like my favorite corn chips but liquid form. 10/10, would drink again!

i started watching All of Us Are Dead to get myself fully in the korean mood and....wow. i really pulled off a successful night! ♡

oh, i just realized the shop name literally has tofu in it xD reading comprehension 0! xD

but yeah, im really happy i convinced myself to try something new. it was a bit pricier than i usually do for delivery but i dont regret it. now im gonna finish the first episode (i didnt realize it was like actually an hour, not “an hour” aka 44 minutes) so i still have like 15 minutes to go

i dont know what ill do after that but, for the time being, im happy~