#when i lean 3d modeling

[renard-dartigue]

Updated Vessel Warframe design and his little minions. :]

It's still based on his TMBTE outfit. Instead of his stomach glowing, he now has closed eyes that open and glow based on the amount of power stored. It's similar to Nidus and his mutation counter.

If I feel like it I might make a deluxe skin based on his EIA design and go crazy on the bling lol.

[e-vay]

("Sonic") Hands Study

I get asked a lot how I draw hands, and particularly how I draw hands in the "Sonic" style. Let me preface by saying I am mostly self-taught, so please do your research and study what techniques work best for you. The following demonstration is what I personally use to help me draw hands in general and–more specifically–how I draw “Sonic” hands. This is less of a tutorial and more of a series of observations.

*And remember, there are always exceptions to the rules!*

I personally believe before you can go about stylizing hands, you have to understand how to draw hands in the first place. Afterall, I think you have to know the rules before you can best bend/break them. Think about super stylized hands in animation like the characters from Atlantis or Hercules. Even though these hands are unlike what we see in real life, they still look and feel ‘natural’ because the artists understand how hands function and are able to bend the rules while still demonstrating proper anatomy. 

Sources: [x] [x]

I highly recommend studying the anatomy of a hand. It’s educational and fascinating! There are plenty of free resources online!

I understand many people find hands intimidating to draw, but the best way to learn how to draw anything is by breaking it down into shapes. Everything is made up of shapes.

3 is the magic number

In simple terms, our hands can be seen in patterns of 3. Your palm can be broken into 3 segments that can move semi-independently. Your fingers are composed of 3 segments each (proximal, middle, distal). There are 3 phalangeal joints per finger. The average shape a person’s fingertips make when aligned is a triangle (a 3-sided shape), with the middle finger being the highest most point of the triangle and the other fingers cascading down (there are exceptions to this rule). Keeping the number 3 in mind will help you remember how hands/fingers articulate. 

Everything is connected

Even though elements of your hand can move somewhat independently, every movement influences the other segments of the hand. Notice when you put one finger down how (most likely) at least one other finger moves slightly? Or notice how you can only do certain gestures with the assistance of your other fingers or sections of your palm? Keeping in mind how segments of the hand affect the others will help make your drawings feel more organic and less stiff.

I usually start with the palm (or back of the hand) first and that determines where everything else falls into place.

Once you grasp how hands work, that’s when I believe you can determine how stylized you want to get. There is a very large range of drawings hands from super realistic to very simplistic.

If you’re wanting to emulate a certain style, you have to study it and learn how it works.

"Sonic" hands

As far as Sonic hands go, it depends on which version you’re best hoping to emulate. Notice how the styles vary even throughout the franchise?

In the 3D video games, Sonic characters tend to have what I classify as more ‘cartoon-y’ hands while in illustrated media, it often leans more towards realism. (Note I said ‘leans towards,’ not full realism). How and why is that?

Let’s break it down into shapes again, Sonic Style! Pt 1

In many of the 3D rendered media, the characters’ fingers are made of more round shapes. The models also don’t conform to realistic proportions. The tips of the fingers are usually larger than the segments closer to the palms (the middle and proximal phalanges), and this helps to deviate them from a more realistic look. Speaking of proportions, the hands overall tend to be disproportionately larger than the rest of the characters’ bodies. This also makes it feel more like a cartoon, even without resorting to a super simplified, 3-fingered hand like Mickey Mouse or Bob Belcher.

Breaking down shapes, Sonic Style! pt 2

Illustrated samples vary depending on the artist/studio, but I’ve noticed that in general, illustrated Sonic characters’ hands tend to have more square/rectangular shapes. The phalanx proportions often resemble what we see in real life, with the fingertips tapering down in size compared to the segments closest to the palm. The overall size of the hands in proportion to the body are still larger than that of real humans, but they tend to be closer in proportion compared to their 3D counterparts. This is why in illustrations, the characters are more capable of crossing their arms, interlacing their fingers, or making other natural hand gestures.

Also, notice in these examples, there’s more detail to the hands than what you’d find on a Looney Tunes character? There are often folds in the material of the gloves, some knuckle definition present, more natural bends to the fingers. However, the hands are almost never as detailed as that of say, a Dragon Ball character where you’re seeing muscle tendons, veins, definition of each finger segment, finger nails, etc.

Sources: Dragon Ball Z, The Looney Tunes Show

MY STYLE

With all that in mind, I happen to find the sweet spot for the Sonic character style right in this range:

Everyone has their own preferences and it’s up to you to decide what you like best, but this is what I prefer. 

MY STYLE - Cont’d

I use a blend of the two previous Sonic styles I mentioned, Cartoon-Round + SemiRealistic-Square. I like to go with a more “Squoval” shape (rounded squares) to the fingers. I try to keep the fingers in a naturally proportionate scale with the ends tapering down in size, but the overall size of the hands are still bigger than what you’d see in real life. I like to add a bit more detail when warranted, but I personally rarely resort to definition in the tendons/veins or complex wrinkles in the bends of the fingers (unless it suits a specific character or emotion). 

Like I said, this is less of a tutorial and more a series of observations. But perhaps looking at hands in the way that I do might help you with your own drawings! You should absolutely do your own studies to find what works best for you. But I hope you found this helpful in some way!

[theriverbeyond]

DEATH FIRST TO VULTURES AND SCAVENGERS

🦴 Harrow, photo editing, bones et al by me! 📸 photo and harrow robe by @trickstercheshi

took these pics like 2? months and then totally forgot to post them here! anyway Harrow currently features 122 hand sculpted bones (86 of which are in the rosary!), not counting the spares I made or the 336 resin teeth I bought & drilled for her bracelets and waist chain.

my central requirement for this cosplay is basically that every bone (except the face/ear jewlery) HAS to be made as close as possible in size and shape to an anatomically accurate human bone, because I am nothing of not committed to the inherent wonder of human anatomy. this means: no bone tits, no sizing bones up or down as convenient for aesthetics, no animal bones. I think it turned out great and I'm soooooo excited to make EVEN MORE bones for when I wear her next >:3

rigcage progress is documented on tumblr here, and under the cut are some extra ramblings & detail photos of her rosary & stole!

the rosary is based off of normal catholic rosaries, altered it to fit Ninth House aesthetics. a normal rosary has 5 sections ("Mysteries") made of 10 beads each.

MY rosary has nine (9!!) sections for the Ninthefold ressurection, with each section being made of 8 bones. specifically, each section is made of carpal bones, and there is one carpal bone per section to represent each populated House. anatomy fun fact! humans have 8 different carpal bones in the body (one set in each wrist) all of which I lovingly sculpted to attempted anatomical accuracy.

phalanges are the "separating" ("Our Father"?) beads, and the hanging centerpiece is a metacarpal articulating with 3 phalanges -- "the knuckle of your great-grandmother that represented the Rock, and the Universe, and God." (HtN p. 118).

I went back and forth on what I wanted the centerpiece to be, because "knuckle" has an original anatomical meaning (the talus bone -- of like, sheep, so not an option here per my central requirement) but it also has several colloquial meanings. I've heard "knuckle" being used to describe both the interphalangeal joints of the fingers and the metacarpalphalangeal joint as well. I actually did end up sculpting a life sized human talus bone to test how it would look as the centerpiece, but rejected it due to it simply looking very goofy due to scale and size (it was too big 😔). I also learned how to do a proper hail mary knot for this!

anyway: behold some more pics

for Harrow's stole, I was inspired by @/thatbonejunky's art here as well as @/bondibee's art here! I really wanted to lean into the religious leader aspect of her character. Harrow as not the Reverend *Daughter*, but the *Reverend* Daughter -- especially as this is, due to my own proclivities, definitely a Butch Harrow™ cosplay. The fabric is this cool celtic pattern from JoAnns and the skull is applique + hand beading! I went back and forth on if I should give her tassles on the bottom or not but honestly it came down to tassels just seeming more dramatic, and Harrow deserves this

phew ok that was a lot of rambling. all bones are made of creative paperclay, an air dry clay, and painted with basic acrylics. did you know you can find hundreds of free 3D models of bones free online on sketchfab or by searching "[bone name] 3D model". what was i saying. anyway. i love bone :)

[artsninspo]

006 | Richmond Inc.

「 ✦ full library & archive ✦ 」

「 ✦ aaron pierre & characters library ✦ 」

⇚ 005

♠ summary: Thrust into leadership, Lorence battles pressure, secrecy, and an enigmatic boss—until his unexpected attentiveness causes things to heat up more than expected ☕.

♠ pairing: Terry Richmond (Aaron Pierre - Rebel Ridge) X Lorence Cole (Black Fem OC)

♠ word-count: ~2.6K

⌖ - Richmond Inc. HQ

The new demands of my position are both a gift and a curse as I’m required to expand my knowledge base and think as a leader. There’s an element of freedom that I've been robbed of in this new position. There’s no time for fresh ideas and innovation in the same way there's no freedom to make mistakes. There’s no one to ask to review the work I have - I'm the final step in the pecking order before the other’s at my level look and ultimately Richmond’s eyes scan over it. I’d be lying if I said the thought doesn’t unnerve me. Dissatisfaction on his face and the scolding that will undoubtedly follow is a nagging inevitability. I’ve sat through so many briefings that I miss doing the work. This week has been an overwhelming barrage of discourse, planning and preparation. We’ve gone over logistics and transportation which is my specialty. Monaco is a logistical and transportation nightmare but I’ve taken all the necessary notes to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. Which includes sending one of my best agents there in person to scope out the scene and get the necessary measurements and blueprints. It’s my first major assignment and with my budget sky’s the limit. Consulting for the organization responsible for the formula one race's security is not something I ever considered in the realm of possibility; so I make the most of it. I add to my list of tasks and lock the documents before going over my new operating budgets. I still have money to spend but until my best guy is back I can’t be sure where the resources will be best allocated. I’m researching local charities in the area when Richmond appears in the doorway. It’s his first time stopping by all week and I can’t say I’ve missed the light eyed giant. 

“Sir” I stand.

“Cole, I’ve received preliminary drafts from all the other teams. Is there something you require assistance with?” He asks, leaning in the doorway. He’s in a white knitted sweater today looking too casual for a man like him. 

“I thought we had another week” I respond, disregarding how his arms fill out the otherwise cuddly, cozy ensemble, transforming it into something different altogether.

“I like to look over things by the project’s midpoint,” he explains, folding his arms.

“Well, I’m new and I didn’t know that” I swallow daring to meet his eyes.

“We can go over what you have for now,” Richmond says entering my office. I straighten, hating his presence and proximity. With Richmond it isn't walking on eggshells, it's like walking on glass barefoot. I stand walking over to the table and pressing the projector button. I unencrypted my files and show him what I’ve been working on. He watches attentively, his eyes scanning through the details projected in front of him.

“They’re color coded by threat level” he says perceptively interpreting the markings I have on the 3D map model of the area the races will take place in. 

“Yeah, it determines what will work in terms of an emergency exits.” I state, explaining my process.

“So you don’t only look at routes?” He asks.

“No, when I develop my plans I consider routes, danger, closures, alternate routes and transportation that is as discreet as possible while being resilient and agile” I explain and he nods zooming in on my tablet.

“You’re looking for places to land helicopters? Possible counter sniper positions.” He says interpreting my work in seconds. Impressive isn’t the word. Nothing is explicitly stated there’s just circles, dots, x’s and stars in a variety of colours.

“Yeah” I nod and he looks from the tablet back to me, with a ghost of a smirk on his lips, only for it to be gone as soon as it appears.

“You’re doing Jameson work for him.” He comments.

“I understand why our teams are separate but I think all aspects should inform each other” I swallow and his expression hardens.

“That’s not your job. It’s to take direction. No one should be fully informed of the other's actions in case of leaks. Your team needs to be agile. Keep your work to yourself” he orders going back to his military facade.

“With all the testing you still don’t trust us?” I ask and he scowls. His jaw sets before clicking as he clenches  it. 

“It’s not about trust. It’s about what a person gives away during torture. How can I protect my team from that? The rules are in place for a reason. Adhere to them” he orders again but his eyes are more sensitive. If I were a psychiatrist I could diagnose his paranoia and mood swings but as a civilian I table my judgement.

“The non patronizing way to say that is;  follow protocol Cole” I quip before he gets carried away and it ends poorly.

“I don’t care if you don’t like my delivery. At least you’ll be alive not to like it” he comments standing. I can't help the sharp look I send his way. If he were anyone else I wouldn’t put up with it. “Good work” he says finally but somehow the praise falls flat.

“Have you lost a lot of people?” I ask and the tension in his shoulders answers the question in an instant. His expression sobers. 

“I’ve seen a lot of death,” he nods. I look him over before nodding. It at least explains his incessant over preparation and commitment to structure, secrecy and preventative measures.

“I’m sorry,” seems the only appropriate response.

“You won’t have to be if you follow protocol. Your safety equipment needs to be fitted before we go wheels up, go see Cassandra. I’m scheduling you for some extra hand to hand” he says adding more to my plate.

“I don’t have time for extra hand to hand, I’m behind” I tell him pointing to the projections.

“No you’re not” he swallows. “You’ll fry your brain if you continue staring at blueprints. Movement will serve you more than sitting at your desk” he says parroting what I’ve heard from Jameson. I wonder if it's advice Jameson has commandeered from the Boss.

“Okay” I concede. RIchmond seems surprised by my concession but he nods, slipping his hands into the pockets of his trousers. Cassandra appears in the doorway and I let out a relieved breath.

“I hope you’re being nice.” she says, looking him over. Richmond doesn’t dignify her with a response. “Are you finished or can I steal Cole - her safety second skins are in” Cassandra says.

“We’re done and I have ten minutes” he says looking at his watch. I go along with them walking to his office suite instead of asking questions. Two suits wait in a box in his conference room. One is my perfect nude shade, it nearly looks like mesh but it's made of something stronger. It’s fully opaque and when I hold it up I frown wondering what in the T’Challa Black Panther, Richmond has paid for me to wear.

I raise a brow. “What’s this for?” 

“Protection, no burns, cuts or bullets can pierce it. A safety precaution” Cassandra responds.

“Try it on,” Richmond says, stepping out of the room.

“Please!” Cassandra scowls at him as she closes the door. I hold it up again and wonder what else money can buy. I head into the ensuite and I undress quickly. I step into the unitard that fits almost like a second skin. I manage the nearly invisible zipper at my side and look in the mirror. I look remarkably naked and tense up when I see shaded contouring that could pass for real hips and ass.

“Need help?” I hear Cassandra ask from outside.

“Uhh?” I respond and she giggles.

“That’s exactly how I felt - can we come in?” she asks.

“I guess” I responded, not quite sure. I remind myself I’m not naked as I leave the bathroom and re-enter the conference room as they come in. Cassandra’s eyes scan me.

“Toes are wonky” she says to Richmond whose eyes are glued to my body. 

“The suit is wonky” he comments with eyes on my breasts. “May I touch you?” he asks without making eye contact.

“Ok” I respond unsure if no is even an option and he stands behind me pulling the material taut until I can feel it on my chest and stomach like a corset. When I look behind he hes standing with a handful of the suit.

“That’s how it should fit” he tells Cassandra, sparing a look her way. The suit feels completely different with this kind of tension. He grapes lower, gathering the same amount of fabric in the small of my back. I feel like a doll in his care as he manhandles the suit. It’s oddly erotic, or maybe it’s been too long since a man has had his hands on me. He goes to do the same around my hips but there’s no stretch left. 

“Can you see if there’s any give?” he asks as if he hasn't already probably made at least five HR violations. I oblige finding some give.

“Hold it like that” Richmond demands and I wonder if he’s this bossy in bed. Girl, get your head out of the gutter!

“Cassandra test its resistance” he says and Cassandra comes over with some sort of scanner gun reading all over my body noting weak points with a red marker as well as what needs to be removed. 

“The suit has to fit like a glove, it’s most effective when the fibres are extended to their limit they interlock creating … well armour.” she explains.

“What if I have to pee?” I ask being practical.

“You’ll get a zipper once everything else fits seamlessly” Cassandra explains. It’s another level of overkill.

“Does everyone wear these?” I ask.

“They aren't required for smaller scale events, I always wear mine for the big ones” she explains. Richmond is still staring at me and it makes me feel naked, the proximity, the physical toughness, the attention. My body hums like a starving stomach craving sustenance. I’m gonna need to see a therapist for sure, I think looking away from him and back to Cassandra who clears her throat.

“Mr. Richmond, you have a call in two” she says to him and he nods, peeling his eyes from my ass. 

“Ensure it fits perfectly...Please” He says, taking one last look at me. He looks at Cassandra who nods with a smirk on her lips before leaving.

“I’m gonna go change” I announce heading into the restroom. When I get out I hand her the suit.

“Is he always so hands on?” I ask, a little unnerved.

“Hands on… he was with me but he was a lot less attentive and there was a lot more back and forth bickering until he pulled it so tight I couldn't breathe comfortably.” she discloses amused.

“I’m pretty sure that’s wrong of him” I remark.

“Terry’s like family - he’d never actually hurt me and lord knows he could” she huffs sitting on the conference table. Her disposition makes me think of them like siblings opposed to coworkers. The most toxic workplaces have the ‘family titles’ it's definitely a red flag.

“So how was your first week?’ she beams crossing her legs but my mind is on how it felt to be constricted in his hold and hugged by the suit.

“I’ve only considered quitting right now” I smile and she laughs.

“I came to your office because I was sure there was going to be fireworks. Terry was too but with how at ease he was I'd say you’re doing amazing on your first assignment. What was his feedback? I can help you decode its meaning to stay on his good side.” she smiles and I’m excited until I realize there was none.

“He just told me to stick to the protocol and that I did a good job. Oh and he prescribed extra hand to hand” I explain and her eyes light. Her smile widens like a Cheshire cat and she shakes her head.

“He’s setting me up to fail isn't he?” I ask, afraid of some humiliation ritual test.

Cassandra shakes her head. “No Lorence, it means you're keeping him up at night. He must think you're one of the best”

“I don’t copy.” I confess.

“The best agents are all the same Lorence and they never leave their people behind when shit hits the fan. He doesn't think you’ll be tripped up by the plans so he’s preparing you for the people.” she explains.

“Do I have anyone but him to fear?” I ask.

“No, that’s how I know you’re keeping him up. The guys that we’d need to fear see us as menu options - they don't know we’re trained to kick their ass and so they never have security with them. They’re easy to outsmart before things get ‘hand to hand’” Cassandra explains and it’s consistent with training. I get a reverie of the intensity in Richmonds eyes as he held the extra fabric of my suit taut, again. I never put much stock in her words before.

“I think you're wrong. Richmond doesnt look like he needs help attracting women. I’m sure you’ve had to shoo away your fare share.” I respond.

“Are you kidding?! He’s a work-a-holic. I've only seen him flirt for better access. His indiscretions are kept from me if they exist” she comments. “Come on, let's go shopping for after hours  in Monaco - I have a few party invites with an open plus one slot.” she winks and it sounds like a good way to relax and enjoy the rest of the day. Retail therapy is still therapy after all.

Cassandra and I end up in the heart of the city in stores with names that English speakers need tutorials to pronounce. Cassandra can sell salt to a snail because she convinces me to indulge in whims that are unfamiliar and then she swipes the company card stating outfits while on vacation are somehow a business expense. Paranoia makes me set aside the amounts in case it’s some test or something the Boss intends to scream at me for later. But for the rest of the night from shopping all the way to my night routine I’m a little uneasy. Terry Richmond’s ability to rattle me is unmatched. Whether in anger or cloaked kindness. The intensity of his expression is imprinted in my mind. 

I lay awake in bed slightly amused by the irony of Cassandra’s words. At least if they’re true I’m keeping him from sleeping too. It feels like some consolation for all he’s put me through. Maybe my haywire feelings are the result of something akin to Stockholm syndrome. The result of that stupid test. His gaze comes back to me again and the attention held within them. My body heats as recognition clicks into place, its reaction starts to make sense. After years of feeling unnerved and unsure I’ve read the first real emotions from him. There was real sincerity in his eyes. No resentment or animosity. Maybe hints of more complicated emotions but at its core it seemed to be pure preoccupation with my safety.

My body seems to settle at my brain's recognition of the day's events. The anxious energy leaves my body and I settle when it becomes clear to me that before all else my boss wants me to be okay. Before I take my last conscious thought, I promise to move forward with Richmond with that at the forefront of my brain.

authors note: what are you doing if you're Lorence and the boss gets all close and touchy feely? Fight, freeze, call HR - I have to know! Let me know what you think in a comment or reblog 🖤 if you enjoyed things heating up dont forget to comment, reblog and like!

007 ⇛

click here to ✮ join taglist ✮ and be notified when new updates drop.

[purplealmonds]

Continuing to fire on all cylinders to make this Sky 🤝Mononoke collab a reality! 🐲⚖️🌊

Process GIFs and artist commentary below the cut. ⬇️

Left: Process GIF Middle: Just the background, cos I really like how it looks! Right: Illustration without the collab logo

And here are my notes on my inspirations and references. There's a lot of 'em, so instead of embedding relevant images one by one I put them in a callout sheet! For accessibility, I also included transcript (with bonus ramblings) below each sheet.

Ofuda circle modeled in Google Sketchup 2017, then lightly transformed in Photoshop to flare out. I tried my best to hand-draw these, but it the results came out really clunky and stiff. I figured if Mononoke shamelessly utilizes 3D in their show, I can too!

Krill and sky kid composition roughly inspired by the Ayakashi DVD cover illustration. On the surface level, the krill's black-and-red color scheme mirrored that of the bake-neko. Not to mention, in the world of Sky, the krill would be the best fit of a mononoke-like entity. The red background is also a nod to the red skies seen during a shard eruption in Sky.

Sky kid gesture based on the Festival Spin Dancer's Tier 3 poses and the Medicine Seller's iconic pose in the Zakishiwarahi episode as inspiration. This was the idea which springboarded this illustration into existence. I wanted to do my take of the Medicine Seller's pose, but in a more dynamic manner: rotate the pose to a profile position and set the ofuda in a diagonal, flared out arrangement.

Cape inspired by tenbin design featured in the 2024 Mononoke movie. This one's an interesting one - I wanted the cape to be a stiff material that doesn't "flap" when in flight - similar to the Aurora wing capes. It ended up looking like a kite of sorts, which I'm not entirely opposed to! I haven't had the opportunity to showcase the back view of this cape design, but I envision it having some mechanical aspects to it - the "wing" which are flared out in this illustration fold in like moth wings, and a little bell is attached to the "tail" part and it jingles a little whenever the sky kid flaps!

Bandana is based on the Scaredy Cadet's hairstyle from the Season of Assembly. Mask design utilizes the 2023 Days of Style mask and the Nintendo Pack mask as bases. Pretty self-explanatory. I basically went onto the Sky wiki and found the cosmetics that most closely matched what I was looking for. Then if necessary, I went to the Office space to do photoshoots to get the appropriate camera angles for them all.

Seasonal pendant inspired by the classic Medicine Seller's necklace and the eye motif featured in the 2024 Mononoke movie. Possibly the only one-to-one homage to the classic Medicine Seller design here, but his garnet necklace was too good of a match to the seasonal pendant. A side tangent: does the new Medicine Seller possess a necklace, let alone a mirror? So far all the shots of him don't feature it. Fascinating.

Dark dragon krill anatomy references a custom figurine crafted by @/escaflowne_n07 on Twitter. Until I found this, I was honestly at a loss finding reference for this - be it on the internet or during in-game photoshoots. The lighting on the krill in-game focused on its menacing silhouette rather than its structure. And not to mention, getting a close-up shot almost always set off the dark creature's aggro. I have no idea how this guy found the references to put this model together - well done!

Mantas, elder constellations, and sun dog references murals in the Cave of Prophecy. Krill aside, the overall illustration was leaning a little too much towards Mononoke so I tried finding opportunities to insert more Sky into it. Added bonus is that now there's storytelling in the background: during a shard eruption, a giant krill rises from the frothing waves of dark water to hunt down a flock of mantas.

Clouds behind the sun dog reference the ones featuring heavily in the Umibozu episode. This illustration has a lot of ocean theming, so I figured this would be appropriate.

Rendering style of the background is lightly inspired by the 2007 Mononoke illustration. Mainly having a 2D inked style to contrast with the more polished render of the sky kid. Funnily enough, this was a tertiary inspiration, which lead to the discovery in the next point!

Dark water waves and sun dog composition heavily references Hokusai's "The Great Wave". The waves were modified to be bottle-green of the Golden Wasteland's dark waters. The sun dog is in the spot where Mt. Fuji is in the original composition. these were all hand-drawn by the way! I merely emulated the style of the source material. As a side note, I also borrowed the spotted sea spray rendering for the krill's red spotlight.

Background pattern taken from the ofuda design featured in the 2024 Mononoke movie poster. Mainly to add some gritty texture to the sky. I worked pretty hard to replicate this ofuda design as a high-res asset so I wanted to use it more!

[otterloreart]

What's in the Box?

PONY PONIES IN THE BOX

If you've been following along you may have seen that @queenofsquids printed the Takara-inspired BJD last week, both in a "mini" test form and a full-sized one. The full-sized one was supposed to be in yellow, but the pure yellow resin turned out to be a more orangey tone. She incredibly generously offered to send me the orange pony BJD

And then

She incredibly incredibly again generously sent not only the little test takara-bjd in grey BUT ALSO printed my original takara 3D model and sent that?! This is so unbelievably kind and generous. I was so surprised when I opened them all!

I'm not sure if you were all aware but I actually dont have a print of the original "Takara duplicate" doll. I did get the seapony PLA printed at the library (and it was my first ever 3D print!).

For my second print, I got the Dollightful bunny doll printed because I wanted to have experience with jointed dolls made by other people before I put more complex models out. So I figured it would be a while before I got the chance to see my newer models printed.

So like its actually so kind of @queenofsquids to send these but also it's really meaningful to me because I started the takara project where I became obsessed with them over a year ago. It's so amazing to see this thing that frankly I spent so much time fiddling with (even if there are some imperfections; more about that later) and hold it in my hands 🥹 I just keep looking at them and smiling

Also I immediately stole the clothes off my NaNaNa dolls and put them on mini-takara-bjd. They're a little short but fit pretty well!

Some design notes/planned adjustments under cut

-The neck and arm balls are definitely too blocky, this doesn't impact the movement but it is very visually obvious

-Queenofsquids mentioned this but the arm bean is too big and gets stuck in the arm sockets.

^^ These two issues are the most obvious upon brief inspection but are also easy to fix so I'm gonna put out a version ASAP adjusting the file. Call it the version Version 1 Hotfix. Both of these should be fixed in the existing models with a bit of sanding.

-The legs are like just a touch too blocky and I think you can also see lines in the head and chest areas ;-; I think this would depend on the printer, like it might be fine in PLA due to the lower resolution. This can also be buffed out but I can adjust it with some effort

-> I think the blockiness issues come down to the fact I was trying to make the models not too high resolution because then the file size is massive, can't import into cura properly, and even slows down *my* beefy computer. that's why it might take a bit for me to adjust all of these pieces, especially the legs because they have a lot of booleans that lag blender. basically i leaned in the other direction and went a bit too far with some pieces.

-legs are very thin at the bottom (ran into this issue with the dollightful bunny doll too and had to redo quite a bit actually to make it neat)

-The bottom of the heart on the knee in particular is an imperfect fit. I was getting errors in Cura because of some issues related to the knee so I had to remesh it, if you'll remember, so I will need to maybe go in and redo that one :/

-The line around the eyes could be a touch more pronounced, its supposed to be somewhat stylized eyelashes

-I need to play with the arms/legs more to figure out potential issues with the existing joints. But they do at least work and hold poses. I'm not sure if people would prefer anything more complicated like locking joints or if this level of poseability is acceptable

Other things I want to experiment with

-hand pose variation

-nose/mouth variations? it is actually kind of funny to imagine you could switch the expression out to a little :o face or a c: or :3 type of thing

-pegasus/unicorn/fluffy hoof variants like i had planned before

so much stuff :0 and I haven't even finished bunny doll, although at least her paint job is basically done. Once I string the big BJD I can also test posing.

[i-am-baechu]

♬ Summary: “I wanna see it in motion, in 3D...” 

♬ Pairing: Established relationship; Jungkook x reader 

♬ Rating:  Explicit (18+) 

♬Genre: Established relationship, angst, fluff, and smut

♬ Warnings: Smut and talks about body insecurities 

♬ Part of, ‘ His Fan Girl

♬ Playlist: 3D - Jungkook ft. Jack Harlow

♬ Author’s Note: I worked late :( sorry for the late post 🫶🏻

It was another night that Jungkook was working late. She came with him as he filmed his music video for his song 3D in LA and it felt good to be back home but it felt different. He was working so hard for his album and she couldn’t be prouder of him. She wanted to surprise him and do something sexy for him (as an award). He was always taking charge and she thought tonight was the night to change that up. Ever since the interview, Y/N gained weight. She’s been so stressed with the drama that it became noticeable in her appearance. 

She never told Jungkook this but she didn’t feel beautiful because of it. Well, she never did. Jungkook was her fiancée and he was a Calvin Klein model. She was just her. Just normal. She had stretch marks on her thighs and breast and she couldn’t compare to the Kpop girl idols. It was hard when your mind played tricks on you. Not fun at all. 

She looked down at the white negligee with matching tights. It wasn’t the most revealing lingerie but it was revealing for her at this moment. Her belly piercing was shining in the low light and she knew that Jungkook liked her piercing (the only reason why she bought the lingerie in the first place). She had her hair pin back with a flower clip that he gifted her from their anniversary. She looked pretty, that’s what she was telling herself. 

“Y/N, I'm home! I missed you!”

She glanced at the closed door and took a deep breath. She quietly walked towards the door and before she opened it, she closed her eyes. Hoping it would give her confidence. She opened the door and slowly walked towards the sitting room where she heard shuffling. 

“Y/N, I got you some food from the set. I'm going to be honest, it's mostly sweet food because the other food you were allergic to.”

She felt her hands getting sweaty and she stood by the couches and glanced down at the carpet, “D-Did you eat?” 

“Yeah, I know we like to eat dinner together but I was just starving.”

She nodded her head and swallowed some spit, “As long as you eat...”

Jungkook turned around with his love daze look he always has, it quickly changed into something she knew very well. His eyes ran across her body and she couldn’t meet his dark brown eyes, “You look beautiful.” 

“Yeah?” She looked up at him and she quickly frowned at herself. She covered her eyes in frustration and turned around, “God this isn’t how I wanted it to be.” 

“How did you want it to be?” 

“A good reveal? I just walked out here like an idiot.” 

Jungkook shook his head and wrapped his arms around her waist as he leaned down to be in the crook of her neck. He nuzzled his head against hers as she placed her hands on top of his, “You're not an idiot.” 

“I can’t be sexy...you can easily do it because well...”

He raised his eyebrow at this and placed a kiss on her cheek, “Well what?” 

“You're a Calvin Klein model...” 

“What does that have anything to do with this?” 

She sighed and tried to push his arms off but no use, “It has everything to do with it..I can’t be sexy for you. Not in this body.” 

He turned her around and his frown deepened, “You are the most beautiful women in this universe. Your body fits perfectly into mine. Every inch was made for me. Don’t talk bad about it.” 

She looked away from his face and sighed, “I know you notice...”

“Noticed that you're my beautiful wife? Yes, I have.”

“I gained weight since the interview...I can’t wear my shorts anymore. I picked this lingerie because it covered most of my body. I can’t be sexy and It’s so hard.” 

He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, “How long?” 

She knew what he was asking but she was too scared to answer with the truth, “Why does it matter?” 

“Obviously I haven’t done a good job at showing how beautiful you are.” 

“It’s-”

“It is my job. You are my future and it’s my job to make you feel secure within our love and yourself. Tell me everything that’s on your mind. All the bad and all the good. I am here to be your rock, give me the chance to be your rock.” 

She looked up at him and smiled, “You are my rock...I’m sorry that I hide my feelings from you. It must be annoying to constantly feel left out.”

“It’s not because I know it's hard for you. I’ll always be here for you, remember that. Do you want to go to the bedroom and restart this?” 

She nodded her head and leaned up to place her lips on his in a quick kiss, “I do.” 

They held hands and walked towards the bedroom as Jungkook whispered sweet nothings to her. He sat on the bed and held her hand as she smiled at him. They let go and she walked into the bathroom with her heart beating from her chest, “Act like you don’t know what I’m wearing!” 

“That’s really hard for me...especially when you look so good.” 

“Kook, please.” 

“Fine.” 

She flattened the skirt and took a deep breath. She grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, pulling it open. She stepped into the room and she smiled at Jungkook who was already looking at her with love, “You look gorgeous. You think you can turn around for me?”

She nodded her head and she slowly turned around giving him a full view of the lacy piece. She turned back and gave him a shy smile, “I know it's not the most exciting piece-” 

“It’s exciting for me.” 

She played with the hem of the negligee and let out a small laugh, “Want me to take it off?”

“That depends, do you want it off?” 

She nodded her head, “I do.” 

She grabbed the hem of the negligee and lifted it up. Jungkook smiled more when he saw the little heart tattoo and the cotton sports bra that he came to love. It just made her breast look so big and full, it truly made him into a caveman whenever he saw it. The white stockings that she had on made her thighs look softer than usual and he couldn’t hold himself back. She looked up at him and turned her head to show him the clip, “I finally used the clip.”

He looked at the clip with his gentle eyes and smiled, “I picked that out because it made me think of your eyes.”

“Always the romantic one.” He took off his shirt and started unbuttoning his jeans, “What are you doing?” 

He glanced at her and gave her a confused look, “Getting naked? I know how uncomfortable you get if I’m still fully clothed while you're naked.”

She felt her heart swelled at this and she felt her face warm up, “You always think of me. No matter what, it makes me love you more.”

He smiled at this and took off his jeans leaving him in Calvin Klein boxers, “It’s an honor to be able to make you feel that way.” 

She slowly walked towards him and he wrapped his arms around her waist. His chin was against her stomach as he looked up at her. She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled, “I forgot to ask, how was shooting?” 

He kissed her stomach and looked back up at her, “It went well. I can’t wait to show you the finished product. Enough work talk.”

She pushed his arms away and took a step back. She removed her underwear and his eyes never left her. She took off her bra and folded it with her negligee (something Jungkook found cute. She always folded her clothes before they had sex, it was hot and cute). She went to take off the stocking but his voice stopped her, “Keep them on.” 

His voice made her look up and she glanced down at his boxers to see how hard he was. She nodded her head and watched him take off his final piece of clothing. He moved towards the pillows and she watched him stroke himself. Even though they’ve been together for so long, it always made her feel shy when he did that. She walked over to the bed, climb onto it. She crawled up to him and sat herself between his legs, “I really do love you, Jeon Jeongguk.” 

Everytime she used his real name, he couldn’t help but get hard. He let out a low groan and looked up at the ceiling, “Babe, you know what that does to me.” 

“I know...that’s why I did it.” She glanced down at his hard cock and then back at him, “Can I?” 

“Be good for me.” 

She shuffled backwards and lowered down. She took his cock into her hands and stroked him firmly. She glanced at him and he gave her a nod. That’s all she needed. She placed him into her mouth and he let out a deep groan. She took him deeper as she felt more confident. He pushed some hair back and his fingers gently touched the hair pin. He quietly let out a fuck and brought her up to kiss her. She let out a loud squeak at the surprise move. She quickly changed her wide eyes and closed them to return a passionate kiss. Her hands went to his chest as their tongues explored each other's mouths. 

“You can’t just do that, Kook.” She whispered against his lips as he smirked at her shyness all of sudden.

“You're so shy but you were just sucking my cock. I don’t understand how you do it.”

“D-Do what?” 

“Be so sexy. Can I fuck you?” 

She glanced down at his bare chest and then at his face, “Please.” She placed a quick kiss on his lips as hands went down her body. She let out a small laugh when he gave her that goofy smile, “What?” 

“I’m surprised that you didn’t do pink or purple. You usually do pastel colors.” 

“Can I be honest?”

He nodded his head and pushed some hair back, “Of course.” 

“I saw the white and I couldn’t help but think about a wedding dress.” 

He stared at her for a second and then brought her into a passionate kiss. Their tongues battled and she let out a low moan, “Y/N, you can’t just say shit like that and not expect me to fuck you.” 

The head of his cock slid over her clit and she let out a surprised gasp, “I-I was just telling the truth.” 

His hands went to her tights and rubbed the soft cotton, “The truth is going to get you fucked out.” She glanced down to see him slowly pushing into her. She let out a moan and wrapped her arms around his neck. He rubbed her lower back and let out a groan, “You’re so wet.” 

“I-I was thinking about you. I missed you.”

He let out another groan and kissed the side of her head, “I’m sorry I've been busy.”

“Do-Don’t apologize for working. I-I understand.” 

He let out a chuckle and cupped her face as their lips almost touched, “Always understanding.” He moved and had her on top fully and she looked down with a shy look. He smirked at her and his fingers touched the stockings. He pulled it, making it snap against her skin, “Always so shy.  I wanna see it in motion.” 

She glanced down at her breast and looked away, “I don’t want to go too fast...they got bigger.” 

He let out groan and looked up at the ceiling, “Babe, you are fucking killing me.” 

“I-I’m just telling the truth...”

She placed her hands on his chest and started moving the best she could. She still hasn’t mastered riding him but she improved from the first time. She let out a steady moan as he watched her move up and down. He brought his hands up to her breast and started pinching at her nipples, “K-Kook.” 

“Just keep going baby. You're doing so good for me.” 

Her eyes fluttered closed and she fell forward when she felt his hips meeting her speed. She kissed the side of his neck as she moaned, “Kook, I’m gonna come.” 

“Go ahead baby.” He encouraged her as he rubbed his hands on her lower back. She let out a loud moan and he watched her eyes closed tightly as her orgasm washed over her, “You’re doing so good baby.” 

“K-Kook”

“I know babe, I’m almost there.” She ignored the over sensitivity and kissed the side of his neck. Making sure she didn’t leave any marks behind. Jungkook continued to move and he let out a groan. He brought her into a kiss and he grunted against her lips, “Fuck, your good baby?” 

She nodded her head and continued to kiss his neck, “You come in me. It’s okay.”

“Y-You sure? I don’t want you having another pregnancy scare.” 

She moaned and kissed his cheek, “If it happens, it happens. Remember.” 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He felt her clench and this was the last push he needed. He came inside of her and she closed her eyes at the feeling. After a moment of silence, Jungkook kissed her shoulder as she leaned against him, “You can’t say shit like that.”

“I meant it. If I get pregnant then I’ll be happy.” 

“I will fuck you again to make sure that happens.” 

She let out a laugh and sat up slowly, “Did you whisper your lyrics to me?” 

He let out a small laugh and looked away in embarrassment, “Maybe.”

“Is this another sex song?”

“I’m not going to answer.”

“YAH! JUNGKOOK!”

[jovial-thunder]

Lancer Tactics devlog

I'm gonna try out posting my ~monthly devlog roundup here as well. These suckers are glorified changelogs with anecdotes and gifs galore. Let me know if this is something you like seeing show up on your dash?

Map Editor

Got units able to be placed/deleted/moved in the mission editor

Can paint/remove command zones in the editor

Can paint minecraft-like terrain blocks in the editor

Can paint/rotate multi-tile props in the editor

Can edit unit character sheets and portrait via the editor

3D maps

Did a bunch of art tests with 3D mech models, provided by GeneralChaos, which we ended up deciding not to go with to keep things simple.

To avoid the can of worms that is animation, we'd have to lean into a static "tabletop minatures" aesthetic which we decided is not a style we want to be stuck with. By sticking with 2D sprites, we avoid falling into a sort of uncanny valley; it's easier to get away with not animating a 2D sprite than it is for a 3D model.

 We also experimented with 3D terrain. We decided to make a rule that the visual style for a piece of terrain should match its mechanical effect: obstructing terrain that you can't move through, such as rocks or buildings, will be in 3D, while non-obstructing terrain like trees will stick with 2D sprites.

Hooking up the 3D camera to follow events like movement and attacks did a LOT for making it starting to feel like it's cohering into an Actual Game™

Implemented cover! And an attack preview! Cover works by aiming a ray from the target to the originator (technically to and from each voxel of each, respectively, to handle size 2s shooting above size 1 cover) and tracking all the terrain blocks it hits (how we'll handle non-terrain hard cover TBD). I think I have it working according to Perijove's cover rules manual, but I'm sure there'll be edge cases to work out. This is a case where things are significantly simplified by working in squares instead of hexes; hexes have a lot more possible weird angles you have to deal with.

Re-added what I'm stubbornly calling Combat Popcorn; little bits of text that pop out when you use abilities and attacks.

UI & game screens

Added ability for the engine to show UI that's anchored to the game world via a little word bubble line but also stay on screen as the camera moves around.

Got word bubbles working; you can now write dialogue in the mission editor, hit playtest, and see it work in a mission! (it does actually translate correctly now; this gif is just from a bug I thought was funny)

Got ability effects mostly behaving appropriately again, including muzzle flashes. The easiest way to handle them ended up being NOT billboarding them so they always face the camera (like all other 2D sprites in the game); instead, I put them on a plane parallel with the ground and just spin them around the unit to point at wherever their target is.

Did some work ironing out our tooltip system. The standard in CRPGs these days is this kind of nested labyrinth of tooltops that you see in Baldur's Gate 3:

I Did Not Want to try and figure out how to wrangle that much UI, so we're instead opting to cap the nested tooltips at the second layer. You can lock a general tooltip for e.g. an action and then mouseover various items within that tooltip to get glossary definitions...

...and then instead of having those glossary tips be lockable/mouse-overable themselves, I collect all related terms to that glossary definition and let you tab through them.

Added skin overlay functionality to the portrait maker, enabling textures like scars, tattoos, stubble, and vitiligo to be applied to just the skin and not extend off into space.

Midway through writing this update, Carpenter sent me this gif of the randomization button working! There's a still a bunch of skintones/assets missing and a few are a bit janky, but it was exciting to start seeing the range of these lil freaks (affectionate) that this editor can create.

Mourning cloak license!

This is the one I'm probably most excited about: I did a bit of a content dive and implemented a basic character sheet + all Mourning Cloak traits and equipment. They don't have fancy graphics yet, but the weapons and systems can be added via the character sheet and used in-game.

It took a little under a day, including adding soon-to-be common mechanisms like bonus damage. This is great news in that it means the engine we've been building for so long in the abstract seems to do a great job in handling comprehensive actual game content, and that it looks like we've set ourselves up for success when it comes time to buckle down on churning that out.

I'm sure other licenses will come with unique difficulties (I fear the day it comes time to do the Mule Harness // Goblin CP) but I'm feeling good about it!

Vertical slice?

Taking a step back, the pressing question on my mind has been "when will we have a playable early access build?"

I was originally hoping for Feb/March, but what we've internally been referring to as the "3D cataclysm" has pushed everything back by at least three months, so the target for the first alpha build is now in May. So, ah, thanks for your patience! Seeing things come together, I've become more and more convinced that moving to 3D was the right call.

[nonclassyparty]

sweet and right and merciful (c.s)

summary:

(A STARRING ROLE SPIN-OFF) Choi San deals with the mortifying ordeal of falling in love.

playlist (tba) // my main masterlist // moodboard (tba)//click to donate to Palestine

notes; i bet you thought you'd seen the last of both me and sr!san well you're wrong! tell me if you want to be added to the taglist

snippet;

As he didn't have a disgustingly large amount of generational wealth to back him up nor parents who dabbled in political meddling and occasional blackmail like some of his peers, San always knew that he would have to fight tooth and nail for his spot in the world.

This would seem fairly overdramatic if all he was seeking out of life was a stable job and paid bills, of course: he was, after all, the son of a middle school teacher and a man that had several jobs which he never did right because hey, they never had much so San should've been satisfied with anything. 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one would look at it), Choi San was too ambitious for his own good. Having been born and raised in the small town of Namhae which was nothing more than an old supermarket some (nobody under the age of fifty) considered a shopping mall and a small beach - the moment he left for college, he swore that he'd never be back there again for nothing more but the holidays. And simply leaving Namhae wasn't enough, no, you see San's goal was money, more money than he would ever need. Bitterness could be considered a man's biggest motivator to get something done and spending his childhood and early adolescence watching his mother work day and night to make sure the bills are paid just for no money to be left spare sure did make San bitter. Call him shallow and materialistic but to San, money most definitely could buy some happiness.

And so, with that thought in mind (placed by no-one else but himself) since the tender age of twelve when he first visited Seoul for a football game and saw what exactly he's been missing out on living in Namhae, San poured everything he had into his studies until he landed a scholarship for Seoul National University in the field of Electrical Engineering. He had been strategic in his choice of career. Electrical engineering required just enough work and brains for it to be considered a lucrative degree and used just enough engineering principles to keep him interested in the job.

And San was excellent at his job. He was quick and efficient, precise and absolutely never wrong. Getting hired to work at one of South Korea's most renowned automobile manufacturing companies not long after he got his degree didn't come as a surprise to no-one. He was competent. The problem with competence and climbing the business ladder though was that it was rewarded with increasingly complex projects almost every month.

And so, our opening scene: A Thursday morning, sometime in January. Amidst the white cubicles on the third floor of Zenith Motor Company, Mr. Kim was doling out new projects to his top engineers with a vengeance.

"Jung, this ones for you," He smacks Jaehyun over the head with the folder before dropping it unceremoniously on his desk, "And try not to get doughnut smudges all over this one."

"Byun, you're continuing the testing from last month." Jaebum nods his head, eyes barely moving from the computer screen in front of him. Mr. Kim continues with an eye roll, "Lim, new model that needs surveillance."

He continues down the room throwing down casefiles as he goes until he stops by San's desk with a smile, "Choi, since you did so well on the Genesis project I'll let you choose." 

"What are my options?" San asks, leaning back in his chair as two files are thrown onto his desk.

Mr. Kim looks down onto his clipboard. "Mr. Jinyoung needs help with the 3D design for-"

Mr. Jinyoung is one of San's bosses.

"-the new model that we're ready to turn in for production. You could send him an e-mail but I wouldn't, he's a bit...difficult to be around these days."

Mr. Jinyoung is also the husband of one Son Danbi, the thirty-four year old woman that San got...very familiar with for a groundbreaking six times at his apartment before he learned that Danbi is a bit too clingy and his job actually might be at stake if she keeps calling the office asking for San instead of her husband. Three times in a row.

She didn't handle San deciding it's best to stop seeing each other very well.

Getting fired for sleeping with his boss' wife and probably getting his nose broken (for the second time over a woman) when his boss' wife inevitably has a meltdown and exposes how San fucked her into his mattress six times once San refuses to meet up with her out of newfound respect for the man she's married to (read: he's scared that he'll get sacked) or literally anything else. The choice was quite obvious.

"I'll take the second option." San quips with ease as he flips over the folder.

"Research and development for a new model! I was hoping you'd pick that one and am not disappointed, you never back down from a challenge." Mr. Kim comments with a grin that San returns because he's been kissing his ass too long to stop now. "You're working with another engineer from the second floor."

San nods and, as Mr. Kim keeps going down to the next cubicle, his eyes sweep over the file and stop at the bottom of the page where one out of two people tasked has already signed their name. In neat handwriting;

Y/L Y/N

He bites back a groan, eyes falling shut and he can hear the Head of the office keep rattling off assignments somewhere in the background.

Nothing registers because suddenly, San remembers honey skin, judging eyes and a sharp tongue and wonders if getting his nose broken a second time right before getting fired by Mr. Jinyoung and losing his entire career would've been the wiser option.

[sonicjustbecause]

Something about myself

The reason I'm trying to learn 3D (furthern than architecture, my job actually involve massive 3D use) is my lack of artistic talent.

Like, I always loved to draw, I started at the age of 3 and always drew. In first place to take notes. Like the cavemen, since at three I could not read (In Italy children usually learn to read at elementary school or a little bit before).

Shortly drawing turned from a mere tool to take notes to a way to tell stuffs, imaginary stories or real life events. I loved comics and animation because of this. Beutiful art that tell stories. Is what all I wanted to do, once I would have grown up.

Age of 5. We millennials, on average, had better drawing skills than Gen Z babies. Even the less talented. Perhaps it was the lack of I-Pad. Usually at the age of 8/9, the Gen-Z recover and reach the average level of 8/9 years old millennials.

I kept drawing daily. Like doing 7 full comics books of over 300 pages each a the age of 6 to 7. And an illustrated diary telling the real life vacation I had in a touristic village I dreamed about for long.

Massive beaches and a lot to do in summer.

Now is a well known reality adults often tell fat lies to children to make them happy. Adult kept telling me I was good at drawing. On the other hand my peers were quite cold about them (my cousin once told me to watch out for inconsistencies. I recognized her criticism, but I though since I was a child - 8 years old -, it was too soon to worry, as no child can draw consistently, not even the best ones. My cousin was a child too, and of course her drawing showed inconsistencies too).

Only when i was 11 an adult told me my drawing were behind my age. At that point I started to experiment more (like doing portraits, changing my drawing style etc). At 12 I started to lean more toward a Japanese style.

By the age of 12/13 years old, I believe I was average at drawing. I though I was not exceptional but it was still doable (I'll not show what my drawing were like, I'll tell you they looked about like CWC's drawing, just way way less angular. And I didn't draw anything cringe, no giant straw and 'eeew things' although I used to draw Sonic too).

My favourite subjects were magical girls. Sailor Moon etc, but I greatly favoured original characters.

My dearest and oldest OCs. Yes, identical twins. I was never able to do them justice.

Art School is were I found the truth.

In my first serious drawing, I took a 3/10 grade, that is a E (In Italy we grade with numbers) And so on, usually 5 at drawing figures and my grades were the lowest of the class (hilarious, the one who loves to draw above anything else sucked at it), 5 in architecture and 5 in decoration.

The issue with architecture was not taking measurements, I could do that. I was also one of the few that somehow understood how perspective worked. I just could not draw not even with a ruler and a compass.

The only artistic subject I could do was modeling and it didn't feel as hard as drawing. Grades were still mediocre, 6 to 7, about a C or a little more.

I had different art teachers and the grades were about consistent.

Since I drew mainly to tell stories, the art subjects I was more focused on was real life drawing, the one I was worse at. And because of my effort despite my lack of talent I was literally a laughing joke for my teachers. One almost fell from the chair laughing about my drawings. This one told me to keep my creativity at bay because with my low drawing skills, I was unable to express it properly, and only do what I was able to do. The other day by day denied me to do more and more things.

First I was denied to experiment. I felt my drawing were becoming stagnant, so I decided to try to draw on dark paper with white pencils to refresh the way I look at things. Is a thing many suggest to do. But my teacher told me that my skills were too low to even think about that.

Later I was denied to colour my drawing and to do the 'chiaroscuro'.

And last I was excluded from a commissioned work were all class was partecipating. I had to sit and twiddle my thumbs while watching all my classmates doing the job

"You draw like a 10 years old child". I was 16 when I was told this by my teacher. This made me ashamed from even liking to draw. "Please, teach me, how can I fix my miustakes if you never tell me what i do wrong?" "What's the point to teach you? You lack of talent, even if I tell you, you will never learn to draw".

Out of school I had to take the matter in my hands.

Internet was new, and at that time, criticism online were common place and largely accepted unlike today.

There was the early stage of an idea that everybody can learn to draw, so I tried it. My drawing didn't show I was a former art student (everybody though I was self taugh by looking at my drawings).

I was also introduced to the concept of 'references images' to enhance my drawings. I followed religiously all what those artists (comic artist, my main focus) told me. I focused on criticism and ignored praises. To make sure i could receive proper criticism by more and more people, I criticised works of other people too. It worked. Criticism came with suggestions and good debates. Still something was still off.

I could reproduce a picture but I could not draw on my own and things were getting worse. But I was told it was normal and i had nothing to worry about...

Well, are you kidding me?

What they call photo references, to me always looked like this. Copy a pose and draw your character over. The drawing might look good, but to me the life is all stripped away and the pose look static rather than the character actually moving in the page.

The sketch full of mistakes in the second picture has a lot of personality. The fixed one lost almost all the energies.

To make thing worse, the character take the face of the model you use (who also ends to look a bit like you, because instnctively we are all drawn by models who look a bit like us).

Artists who draw without references exist. But when I admired them, those who helped me told me: 'Stop being amazed by them, if they used references, they would draw even better!'

I was and I am slave of references. Without pictures i can't draw. Only in latest mont i managed to pull something from my brain, after 20 years of zero drawings from imagination.

When Goku, my first cat succumbed to her age (she was close to be 20 years old), I drew this for my brother. It is for a tattoo.

I had to use at least 5 pictures of her to draw her accurately while coming up to an original pose.

With this Shadow I needed a couple of references. I wanted a new pose, at the same time I wanted it to look like it was done by Uekawa. My '10 years old girl' hand - as my teacher said - still shows. It shouldn't have.

My experience told me that talent is a thing and it matters. 20 years + of practice and my drawing skills remained roughly the same. I didn't do this alone, my drawings were always 'supervised' so I have to assume my teacher who laughed at me at art school and that refused to reach me were right.

To add things, I have a cousin who could draw like this at 9:

A good bunch of my family on both side has artistic talent like this. But the gene skipped me.

Attempting to 3D

Pixar animators do a lot of 'don't' s in topology, they know how to make it work. You don't have (and shouldn't) follow their example.

When I first saw a 3D model, I got scared. The topology was so complex (it was a mid poly model) I though it was not worth the effort from my side.

I attempted humanoids models as references for my drawings, architectonic and organic models on Sketch up, nothing too serious.

I started to use blender to create new morphs for Daz Studio models, so i could build my original characters and this would have helped me to draw them without the need to seek references.

But while some are happy with their regular daz models, I wanted more. I needed models that suit my needs, that I can fully control on my own. The vanilla stuffs in one way is like AI. You can do good things, but they never match your needs and your vision. There is still that bump. Those eyes are too small. The expressions lack of flexibility. Is not truly a 3D issue as i saw really good things done in 3D (see Disney moves, they might have gone 'woke' but the art keeps be excellent)

Notice the clarity of silhouettes and how the lines flow nicely... the basis of 2D art on 3D still work...

This is great 3D art. I always loved this hilarious and friendly anti hero. I saw the 'behind the scene' that was done in order to keep the very same life Lupin had in his 2D version.

The vanilla models from Daz studio as well as Sketch up have been a great starting point but soon I understood that the perfect model is the one done my myself. Also I found out some people who lack of drawing talent like myself still can do great 3D art.

The topology is scary, but you just need to adapt your eyes to the edgeflow/learn about how topology work. Then is not too far from drawings.

On one way AI art was also a good thing. I was afraid to attempt to use 3D art to enhance my drawings (I still love regular drawings) openly. I feared people would not accept it. Because of AI, now people are more accepting toward 3D art since they realized is still done with our effort and knowledges from studies.

[starlightseq]

Finally getting back to my Archie Sonic redraw series. Cover #2 of the original miniseries!

Timelapse of this is available on my Bluesky.

Some thoughts on this piece and on this issue below ⤵️

For this piece, I knew I wanted to play a bit w/ dynamic posing or perspective. So I pulled out a perspective grid instead of just winging it and managed to do something I'm pretty happy with! The missile certainly gave me trouble and I still think the perspective there was a little wonky. Maybe using a 3D model would have helped haha.

CSP users, this was the perspective grid I used btb!

It didn't come to me until I was finishing up the piece that it looks more like Sonic is dodging out of the way of the missile rather than running away from it...Oh well! I suppose it can be viewed either way lol

As for the background, I knew I didn't want to do just black lines on pure yellow, so I decided to look to Sonic Mania for inspiration! Particularly the Sonic Mania opening. Mania's OP REALLY nailed the classic sonic aesthetic and low and behold, I found the perfect moment to ref.

(Also they REALLY leaned into the look of Sonic CD's animation style at points in this OP, I've realised haha. Maybe I should too!!!!!)

As for the issue of this comic itself!

I really liked it! I think of the three I've read so far, this issue is my favourite. It was very nice to see Sonic and Antoine have to work together and it was also very nice to see Tails getting some spotlight! Admittedly, I would have preferred Sonic and Antoine have to team up for the entire issue, but ultimately it still is nicely written. It feels like it would have been right at home as an episode of a cartoon. A more AoSTH take on SATAM, I suppose.

Also the humor of them introducing four mystical emeralds as a plot device when those emeralds are Not The Chaos Emeralds has not been lost on me lmao.

The next cover intimidates me a little but also excites me! Because as soon as I finish that one, I'll be able to move on to the Actual series.

[karasu904]

I was editing Satan’s 3D model and I realized the models just need a few touch ups to look better

This is before:

This is after:

I added thicker lines here and there, brightened the eye whites, added winged liner, and added some color to his lips and cheeks. I also noticed the shadows aren’t that deep and there were no cast shadows from the bangs so I added those in too. Obviously, I changed the mouth and made the nose longer.

I feel as though I didn’t change much and he looks much cuter already. The way I proportion my characters are putting the eyes exactly in the middle of the head. Satan’s eyes were already perfectly place when I drew my guide over it so I didn’t move them.

My biggest gripe is the color palette they chose… Satan’s skin is within the magenta range while his hair leans closer to green… I feel like if they pushed his skin and hair color to warmer tones, he’d look much more lively. I wonder if they could add in a texture pack to smooth out the line art… or at least change the line art color cause solid black lines tends to flatten an image.

Anyways! I had fun playing around with this!

[sopiao]

OMG I LOVE YOU WAITRESS!READER X GHOST AU,,,, MAY YOU PLEASEEEE MAKEEEEEE MOOOOOOOORRRRWWW AAAAAAAA!!!!!

YES YES YES

I FUCKING LOVE THIS TROPE

I WAS HOPING SOEMONE WOULD ASK FOR MORE 😭😭

Sitting on the bar, where Simon usually sits at, you waited—for him. The other side didn’t have any seats and there were no customers so it wouldn’t really cause any fuss with your boss.

Mindlessly scrolling on your phone, you didn’t even hear the familiar chime of the door when it opened. Simon watched as you didn’t even flinch, or blink, at the sound of his arrival, he chuckled at the opportunity.

Sneaking up behind you and using his gloved hands to cover over your eyes, making you jump with a small yelp.

“Guess who?” He grins at the way you put your hand over his and pull it down while you look up at him with a playfully annoyed look.

—

“Don’t think it’s gonna let up any time soon” Simon had his head turned towards the window, watching and listening how hard the water is smacking against the glass. Making you sigh in disappointment.

“Mm” You press your lips together before biting at your lower lip, trying to come up of a way to get home dry.

“What’s wrong?” He stares at you, wondering what you were so worried about and what he can do to help.

“If this rain doesn’t go away I might be drenched by the time I get home” You shake your head, huffing out a sigh as you accept your fate and lean forward to rest your elbows on the wooden countertop.

After half an hour of talking the usual routine of how each other’s day was and complaining about the creepy customers. He leaves. Coming back a minute later embarrassed since he forgot his phone at the counter.

When you go to clock out and hope that your coat will at least try to keep you dry, you find a small black compact umbrella on his seat and a small sticky note that read: no need to return it :). His handwriting was somewhat neat, kinda rounded. He must’ve sneaked it in when he ‘forgot’ his phone.

—

He looked at the phone charm on the edge of your phone case then back at you. Exhaling a chuckle to show how childish he thinks it is, but really, he finds it cute how you can find such interest in such cute things.

“What the hell is he?” He asked, taking the phone charm in his hand and twisting it between his fingers. It was a tiny Pekkle 3D charm, a little model.

“A duck. Can’t ya’ tell?” You watched his amused expression. Placing the little ducky to stand on the counter next to his coffee cup.

“He’s kinda stupid looking”.

“HEY!”.

—

“You’re spending Christmas working?” Simon asked, surprised that you’d even pick up the shift. It was a week and a half before Christmas so he’s surprised that you’re not gone to go visit family or something

“Yeah? I don’t really have plans, so might as well make money instead of wasting time” You sigh, kinda upset since you just realized that you are spending Christmas alone. Simon hummed in response, looking down at his cup of coffee.

Days later, a day before he’s deployed, he stopped by during the day. Catching you by surprise, you had just clocked in, since you weren’t really expecting him at all actually.

“I can’t really stay long. I wanted to drop this off” He said hastily, like he was anxious rather than in a rush, dropping two paper bags in your hands, one plain brown and the other decorated, and leaving before even saying goodbye.

“That’s your guy? Didn’t think he’d be so..” Your coworker bounced excitedly as she followed you to the staff room so you can see what he gave you. To be honest, your were excited as well.

“I— I never said he was ‘my guy’!” You immediately shut up when you opened the little cardboard box and saw a mini christmas tree inside it with tiny ornaments. You can tell he painted tiny things on the ornaments it came with: a coffee cup, a duck, a skull. Something only you two would understand, along with other things Christmas related.

“AWWWWW” You coworker gushed at how much effort he put into this, leaning against you and looking at each of the messily painted ornaments. You knew he wasn’t very artistic but you can see the effort he put in. Placing it at the front of the counter, arranging the decor on the small branches in a way that the design is always showing.

The other decorated bag was pink with yellow stars on it, stapled shut with translucent pink makeshift bow on the handle

It had a tag that said: ‘don’t open until x-mas’

Christmas eve, you stared at the clock until it was exactly 12. Opening up the bag and getting the tissue paper out of the way there were three things. A dark blue mug with white stars on it, a tiny astronaut keychain, and your favorite thing most of all: a duck plushy, but a specific duck, Pekkle.

It made your heart flutter that he was so thoughtful, getting you things he knows you’d like, let alone get you anything. For the entire rest of your shift— week actually— all giddy and fluttery like a school girl. Thinking about what to get him, and if he’ll treasure it.

[awaywithself]

thinking about college roommate au kidlaw that have a strained dynamic because of their stubborn and difficult attitudes. but despite all the arguments and many days worth of snark, they’re there for each other at their lowest in their own subtle ways.

when law is forcing himself past his mental capacity while studying and getting increasingly frustrated despite being fully aware he won’t be able to cram in any more information with what little energy he has, kidd rolls over in his bed and grumbles “can you shut the fuck up. i can hear your stress from here. go to damn bed, you look and sound like shit.”

when kidd is fussing over 3D model prototypes for a design he’s already struggling to find motivation for and the program is simply not cooperating with him and the imminent due date does not help matters, law leans back in his chair and throws him a glare, going “go take a damn walk or something. you’re not getting shit done if you just sit there groaning all day.”

when the other responds with a snarl and biting words, yet proceeds to do exactly what they were “advised,” they know they did their job and find quiet relief in knowing it helped- though they would never admit it.

[triple-pupil]

Scene idea + various headcanons for possible S4 Dr./Villain Stone

Somehow he kidnaps Sonic and brings him to a secret place, developed technology in a device that, with a single pulse, nulified Sonic's chaos related abilities, leaving him without his super speed and such. Stone has a plan and it starts with Sonic.

He tells the blue blur he's just out there, crossing out things on Robotnik's bucketlist, and shows Sonic one of the items.

He shows him a series of papers Robotnik wrote for years, from his months on "The unhabitable planet You sent him to" to the time he suffered the "Depression You Made him fall into" in the Crab. These papers analize, categorize and organize all information the former Doctor had on the aliens of Team Sonic, including scale 3D models of Sonic himself, the longest paper, Knuckles, short but straight to the point, and Tails. Tails' paper has the most empty spaces, since Robotnik didn't really get to know the kid as closely as the other two.

After showing this, Stone asks Sonic if he ever knew what Robotnik wanted to do all that time ago when "we discovered you". Reciting the "Our job was to secure you, neutralize you, uncover the source of your power. And if you resisted, we'd take you apart, piece by piece... See what made you tick" to figure him out, totally for purely scientific reasons.

"... But... Your report is SO full, we had you figured out for a while now, there's no need to do all that.... Except..." And Stone would just play with Tails' 3d model, like if he was thinking. And Sonic would understand the implications and fume with rage and fear, threatening Stone to not touch Tails.

"... You're right... I could focus on the dozens of other items on his bucketlist- That I can do... If you do me a favor"

Stone would offer Sonic to help him with [Insert Main/secondary conflict of the movie ig] and he'd never again bother him and his family. Showing his device that neutralizes Sonic's Powers to establish he is, indeed, capable of great harm.

After all, he's just "Looking out for the one I love... For his legacy, at least"

And from here he starts His ✨Gaslight✨ phase.

He frames all of Sonic's actions throughougth the movies as evil and deplorable, he tried to take several lives, including Robotnik's and Shadow's, and Sonic did so because he was "looking out for his loved ones", after establishing that Sonic isn't as noble as he really is, Stone reframes his own action more positively, "We're just doing What's necessary for our loved ones when we run out of options" And Stone leans in and whispers "You Will not make me run out of options... Will you, Blue Blur?"

Sonic has been manipulated into thinking he's powerless, even not deserving of critizising Stone's actions. He just stares in horror and defeat at Tails' 3d model and the empty entrances of the paper.

He gives in, and agrees to help Stone out.

After that, Stone brings a sedative and puts Sonic to sleep. Later on it's revealed that, while Sonic was out, Stone injected on his spine a tinier version of the nulifier device that he could control and activate remotely at the press of a glove button, this for later use. Injected the same way a vet may insert a chip on a dog.

[hunipeye]

What Remains of Winter

Read on Ao3; https://archiveofourown.org/works/66008359

————————————————————————————

Chapter 3

Can you see it?” Yelena tapped the tablet screen with her fingernail - painted black and chipping - impatient for a response.

It displayed a 3D scan of a building, entirely x-ray, like a blueprint. Within that diagram were a multitude of infrared figures wandering about.

“What am I looking for?” I mumbled, suddenly feeling overcome with regret for deciding to ‘bond’ with the team.

“If I tell you it defeats the purpose of our exercise.” Her strictness gave me war flashbacks to my Eastern European piano teacher of years gone by. I shuddered.

“Those are people,” I traced around the screen, feeling less than smart knowing that every other person in this room right now probably had the answer Yelena was looking for.

“Yes…” She drawled, waiting.

“I’m not sure what the point of this exercise is, Yelena.”

She ripped the tablet from my hands and pointed, frustrated, “Those yellow lines are tripwires. That red dot? A mine. Those blue squares in the corners are all security cameras,” She shoved the tablet into my lap and reclined on the couch, “And yes, those are people.”

“But what’s the point of it?”

“We think it would be beneficial for you to understand how our world works,” Ava started, “I mean, isn’t that how your Avengers worked so well? They all came from the same world, so to speak.”

”Ironman had his… What's its name, ‘Alexa’? No, ‘Siri’?” Alexei spoke with his hands, waving them about for emphasis.

“Jarvis,” Bucky clarified, leaning against the adjacent wall, watching my exercise intently.

“So you want me to do what exactly?”

“Right now? We want you to learn how to navigate this map and it’s HUD. In an ideal world we’ll never have to go into battle again and can lounge in this boujee living room forever,” Yelena grinned and stretched her arms above her head, “But we don’t live in an ideal world. So, when we inevitably do need to… defend ourselves, it’s always useful to have an extra pair of eyes and ears.”

Bucky pushed himself off the wall, striding towards us, “You don’t have to go in guns blazing, just feed us information about our surroundings. That kind of assistance is something we’re missing, you could fulfil that role-”

“Maybe,” Ava interjected, “She doesn’t seem to grasp it.”

“Yes, because this is my first time seeing anything remotely like this. I can’t just immediately become some military-level, super soldier tactician,” I retorted, my pride getting the better of me, “I’ll figure it out.”

Yelena slapped my shoulder as she left me on the parting words, “Let us know if you need help.”

“Don’t drag me into this,” Walker shouted from the other end of the room, causing Bucky’s lips to stretch into a grin.

I am a painfully proud person. I can admit that. The fear of insignificance or average-ness has me in a vice-tight grip every single day. My worth is tied to my intelligence and so, when I was faced with that tablet, I was worthless. As I sat on the floor of my living room for days on end I rotated the 3D building model. I could see each tripwire, bomb and camera but I was unable to figure out how to disarm them. Each time I tried the trap would only go off and result in the simulation restarting. My mug of coffee had gone cold hours ago and I hadn’t bothered to check the time, I knew I had spent hours pouring over this exercise just this evening. This was the longest it had ever taken me to crack an assignment. I was beyond downtrodden.

I couldn’t even Google this stuff, the internet is vast but even it doesn’t hold instructions for military-grade technology. I scowled at my phone, realising I’d have to sacrifice my pride this one time.

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” I said in lieu of a proper greeting as I opened the front door of my apartment and welcomed the Winter Soldier into my home. I tried to imagine what me just a couple months ago would have said at the thought of Bucky Barnes in her living room. She wouldn’t believe it.

“You really should be asleep,” He murmured, taking the apartment in. My new obnoxiously large salary allowed me to have an exceptionally luxurious home. I was in the penthouse of an already fancy apartment complex. The floor plan was open and the colour scheme dark in a clean, modern way.

Despite Bucky’s words, he looked like the concept of sleep was foreign to him. His hair was pulled back, half up, half down, and his eyes seemed more awake than ever.

“I can’t sleep until I figure out how to use this godforsaken thing,” I groaned, pointing to the tablet on the floor.

“Why is it over there? Is it in the naughty corner or something?” He quipped, looking over at me as if expecting laughter. I was beyond joking.

“This thing is ridiculous,” I huffed. As I bent over to pick it up I became all too aware of the loungewear I had on. My shorts rode up slightly as I bent down and my scoop neck T-shirt nearly exposed the valley of my breasts. I moved quickly, if I didn’t make a scene he wouldn’t notice, right?

”Can you explain it to me? I won’t keep you long, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

”I have nothing but time,” His voice was flat and humourless again and I feared I had offended his vintage sensibilities.

I sat silently as I listened to him explain how each button and drop-down menu worked. We ran through half a dozen simulations until I was able to complete them without his assistance. It began to feel like a strategy game, until I realised that if I ever actually needed to use these skills I’d be in a life to death situation.

“How can you do this but not use a phone?” A warmth bloomed in my chest as I caught his mouth curling into a smile.

“That’s different”.

“How so?”

He breathes in deeply, as if getting ready for a long overdue rant, “They only need to do one thing; call. I don’t get the point of all this movie player, video game, music app nonsense.”

“So what? You think everybody ought to line up to see the talkies on the weekend and have record players in their living rooms?”

“What can I say,” Bucky’s smile didn’t break, “I’m old fashioned.”

I shrugged and pushed my chair away from the table, “Nothing wrong with that. One sec.”

I hated turning my back on him. I wanted to be able to take in every movement on his face, the ways he revealed his emotions without realising it. I slipped into my bedroom, carefully and quietly, working my plan until Doris Day sang ‘It Had to Be You’ in the speakers laced throughout my home. The elegant strings of the orchestra rose as I padded back into the living room, the tinkling keys of a piano escorted me to my seat across from Bucky.

I answered the question that hung in the air, “My grandmother was really into collecting music back in her day. I lived with her so I’d always play her records. She left her collection to me when she was placed in an old folks home.”

For a split second I feared I had revealed too much about myself. I hated when people asked about my parents for no other reason than I had no answers for them. I never truly knew them, just held onto vague memories and stories of their fairytale romance from my grandmother. That was when she could still talk. As her health deteriorated our conversations became ‘one ring on the bell for ‘yes’ and two for ‘no’’. It pained me to see her, so different from her previous self.

Thankfully Bucky said, “Can I see it?”

The thought of him in my bedroom had my knees weak, I imagined that if I tried to stand up I’d fold back in on myself like a poppet.

“Sure.”

I observed Bucky as he ran a finger along my shelves and shelves of records, moving much faster when he came into contact with the more modern stuff. There were piles and piles of records, some I had never even taken out of their sleeves before. I definitely needed to organise soon.

“She had good taste,” he turned his head back at me with a soft, nostalgic look in his eye that made me want to pounce on him.

“Yeah, she was a real classy lady. She left me, like, all her wardrobe and jewellery and stuff. That’s one of the perks of being the only grandkid, I guess.”

“Do you still have it?”

“Oh yeah. They’re all authentic so they’d probably be worth a lot to real vintage enthusiasts, but I couldn’t let them go.”

“Do you wear them at all?”

He had turned away from the records completely, his attention focused entirely on me. Those steely eyes made me feel stripped down, bare.

“I don’t have the opportunity to. They’re pretty fancy.”

“Wear one to the press conference.”

It wasn’t advice or a question, it was a statement. Somehow it didn’t make me feel demeaned or less than, I felt secure in his control.

Despite that, he continued, “I mean, if you want to-”

I tried to smile as comfortingly as possible, his face was growing flushed and nervous, “No, no. I appreciate that. I wasn’t sure what to wear anyways. That’s one less decision for me to make.”

The silence that followed felt like it lasted an hour. An hour of staring at how his chest rose and fell in an unsteady rhythm. How his hair fell in curtains on the sides of his face. How he flexed his left shoulder, sighing roughly.

“Does it hurt?”

I was pushing it, to ask him about his arm - and by extension his past - was a line I had yet to cross. But I had just thrown myself into it. Bucky seemed to recalibrate, change the course of where his train of thought was headed.

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Is there anything that helps it?”

“No.”

“You don’t do physio or anything?”

“I don’t think many physios know how to work with what I’ve got going on.”

I tried to wrap my head around his suffering. It was beyond my comprehension. All I could say was, “I’m sorry.”

He rolled his shoulders, relieving tension, “It’s alright to ask about it”.

“No. I’m sorry that happened to you, Bucky.”

The way his expression shifted made me run hot with embarrassment. I shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You didn’t do it,” His voice was tried, gravelly, dismissive.

“I know, it’s just…”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” He left the room in long strides. I didn’t realise I was holding my breath until I heard my front door close and was left with nothing but the music of times past sounding throughout my home.

3.5.

Bucky POV

Screams echoed throughout the hall, hitting me like a force field. I clambered to my feet and ran down the sterile, medical corridor. The lack of decoration was exactly what gave away the location; HYDRA, Siberia, Russia.

The cries continued, it sounded like a struggle was occurring, a desperate fight. I continued to run and run and run in the direction of the shrieks. The hallway felt never ending but the voice was growing closer and more hoarse and exhausted by the second.

The sight of it was enough to bring me to my knees.

Y/n forced into the Memory suppressing Machine. Her face was contorted with pain and her fist clenched so tightly I could see her nails drawing blood from her palms. I watched as the scientists stood by, ignoring me. I tried to yell at them to stop, to beg on her behalf, but no sounds followed. I attempted to rise from my knees but I was cemented to the floor, forced to watch as she writhed in pain, trying in vain to escape from HYDRA, as I once had.

She shuddered and convulsed violently, until she suddenly stilled, submitting to the pain. Beads of sweat rested on her forehead like a crown of thorns, the blood from her palms had smeared onto the arms of the chair that held her.

I tried to move to her but I was like a puppet with no master. Every effort was useless, she was theirs.

A man in a white scientist’s coat strode behind her. He lifted his arm to reveal a pistol in his hand, cocked at her head. My breaths were ragged and my failed screams turned my throat raw. I was pathetic, I couldn’t save her.

The sound of the bullet was deafening.

I screamed as I shot awake. My shirt and bed sheets were soaked through with sweat and the pillow beside me was crumpled in the vice grip of my bionic arm. For once, I felt glad to be alone. I was a danger to everyone around me without even fully comprehending it.

I took my shirt off with such vigour I could hear the seams tear. The shower head poured freezing water onto my back and I relished the shock. I wouldn’t think of them, I would focus on the water. I tried in vain to turn my brain off.

But it kept coming back to her and the way she spoke to me that evening.

She wanted to know about me. She was real and honest. Not some nagging reporter begging for a headline about the cruel Winter Soldier.

No, she wanted whatever she thought Bucky Barnes was. Not this reality of panic attacks, failed therapy appointments and showers so freezing they could be classified as self harm. A world where the night sky is nothing more than a dark ceiling without a star. I didn’t want to force this mess into her life, uproot the lifestyle she had in that pretty little apartment.

I’m a stain on everything good. Like a bad smell on polyester, impossible to get out.

A horrible man.