#which I'm also happy about I was never able to cry like barely at all pre-hrt

[littlegreenwyvy]

A lot of the more 'drastic' effects that I got within the first few months of HRT have mostly subsided.

But one thing that seems to be 'staying' is that I can giggle myself into a laughing-fit the likes of which I and my friends have never seen. "Are you laughing or crying?" is a phrase I hear at least once a week, and which goes unanswered for a good several minutes before I'm able to regain my composure (the answer typically being 'both' by that point).

Being happy is cool :>

[delulujuls]

i'd give you the whole world if i only knew its price | ls18

am i a lance's girlie? no. am i becoming a lance's girlie? dont look at me

he seems so sweet idk why people hate on him

summary: lance's love language is giving gifts and when it came to giving something in return he'll accept only one way

warnings: none

pairing: fem!bffreader x lance stroll

The little girl sat on the curb, tears streaming down her rosy, tear-stained cheeks. In her tiny hands, she held her shattered helmet, unfit for further use. The girl wasn't crying because her father had scolded her for accidentally damaging the helmet. Instead, it was because, until she could find a replacement, she wouldn't be able to race with the other kids. That is, if there were any funds available for a new one.

Seeing the seven-year-old in tears, a slightly older boy, aware of the reason behind her distress, approached her with his newly purchased helmet in hand, crouching down in front of her.

"Here, you can have mine."

The girl stopped sobbing as he sat beside her, handing her the helmet, which she hesitantly accepted.

"I can't take it, my dad doesn't have any money left."

"You can take it, I always have two helmets with me."

The boy smiled at her, but uncertainty still lingered on her face. He glanced toward his father, who stood under one of the tents, observing the children a few meters away. Seeing the tearful face of the girl and the joyful expression on his son's face, he also smiled slightly and nodded.

"See?" he said, squeezing her hands that held the helmet. "My dad agreed. You can take it as a gift."

"Really?"

While her face was still wet from tears, her eyes no longer radiated sadness. Looking into the brown eyes of the boy, he nodded and he stood up, extending his hand.

"By the way, I'm Lance. Now, come on, it's about to start!"

"Please, Y/N, don't be like that."

The boy slumped onto the hotel bed, closely watching the girl's face on his phone screen.

"I'm sorry, Lance, but I can't."

She replied, her phone propped up against a coffee mug, engrossed in browsing job listings on her laptop.

"Why can't you just take it as a gift?"

Y/N scoffed and shook her head.

"Every month you give me some gift, Lance. Last month, as a 'gift,' you bought me a Birkin bag, and I don't even want to know how much it cost."

"You said your bag was falling apart, I wanted to make you happy."

She sighed and shifted her gaze to her phone. Lance looked at her attentively with his puppy eyes, visibly concerned. He wasn't seeing any problem here.

"The bag is gorgeous, and you have no idea how much joy you brought me," she said with grattitude in her voice. "But even a simple Target bag would make me happy, you know?"

"Yeah, probably. But this one is okay too, right?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"It's beautiful. Thank you very much."

Hearing her words, Lance breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing her smile, he did the same.

"So, if you want to repay me, let me fly you to Bahrain."

She lowered her gaze, and the smile faded from her face. Barely scraping by on bills and struggling to find a new job, spending her remaining money on plane tickets was the last thing on her mind. Even if, it could cover just one ticket.

"I can't afford to visit you, Lance."

"That's why let me take care of it. We haven't seen each other for so long, and I want to finally see you and start this season together," he said, looking at her worried face. Money meant nothing to him; he could send a private jet to pick her up, just to have her with him. "Please, Y/N."

She sighed and shook her head.

"I feel so embarrassed. I'll never be able to repay you for all of this."

"So, is it a yes? Can I book the tickets?"

He asked, hope in his voice, and a smile slowly crept back onto his face.

"Fine, but no more gifts this month, okay?"

"I'll try to meet that condition."

Lance and Y/N had been friends since the day he noticed her crying next to the carting track, holding her damaged helmet. They remained friends through all the years of go-karting, and their friendship persisted even when Y/N had to give up racing due to financial reasons.

At first, though she shudders at the thought even now, she hated Lance with every fiber of her being. It wasn't him she despised, but the obscene amounts of money his father had, providing him with everything he could dream of. Y/N was aware that Lance had both many fans and critics, so every time she came across unfavorable comments about him online, she felt embarrassed. After all, she used to cry and curse him every night, even though deep down, she didn't hate him; she just disliked the situation he was in, which she was not allowed to have.

Lance himself knew that without money, he would never have entered the serious world of motorsport. Numerous training sessions, expensive lessons, academy tests – Lance knew that money secured his current position, but talent couldn't be bought. He knew he could drive, and even the people who hated him online knew it too, disliking him simply because he succeeded. Being in Formula 1 cost the Canadian a lot, as he constantly felt like he didn't belong there. Even in the paddock, despite rarely facing personal comments, he knew many saw him as the boy with his daddy's big money. Lance often felt lonely, so he deeply appreciated every moment he could spend with Y/N. No one was as important to him as she was.

However, Y/N focused on being an ordinary teenager after giving up her motorsport career. She finished high school, got into college, even found a job and rented an apartment. Although her life didn't unfold exactly as she wanted, she stayed connected to motorsport through Lance, whom she supported as much as she could. Now things were getting complicated again as the season was about to begin, meaning she could only cheer for him from her couch. But for Lance, there were no such limitations. If he could solve a problem with money, he would. Furthermore, Lance found immense joy in showering Y/N with various gifts. Giving her presents was his love language, something that Y/N had no clue about.

"There she is."

Lance smiled at the sight of his friend, who stepped out of the taxi in front of one of the Bahrain hotels. She returned the smile, hugging him.

"I was talking about the bag, but it's nice to see you too," he teased, pointing to the Birkin she was holding, prompting her to playfully nudge him. Lance chuckled and embraced her, taking her suitcase and leading her inside the hotel.

"I hope the flight was okay and you're full of energy because we're going to a team dinner tonight."

"So, basically your dad is inviting us to dinner?"

She asked jokingly, looking at him as they entered the elevator.

"Technically, yes, my dad is inviting us to dinner."

Y/N laughed, "Well, Lawrence Stroll can't be refused."

Shortly afterward, they were on the right floor where both of them had their rooms. Lance handed her the key card and when she entered her room, she noticed a bouquet of roses and a small package on the bed.

"Lance..."

Turning around, she saw him biting his lip, trying to hide his smile.

"Yes, yes, I know, we had a deal. But these roses were practically free and the little gift next to it is, let's say, a shared one."

He explained, putting aside her suitcase. She also placed her bag down and approached the bed, picking up the bouquet of white roses. She smelled one and smiled, feeling their pleasant fragrance. Lance smiled too.

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"Open the gift."

He encouraged her, leaning against the wall.

She smelled the flowers once more and put them aside, taking the small package wrapped in black ribbon. As she untied it and unwrapped the light-colored paper, she discovered the familiar shade of green. It was a long, satin dress with thin straps, in the characteristic color of Aston Martin. She smiled to herself.

"I guess this is for tonight's dinner?"

Lance nodded, "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," she ran her fingers over the fabric, "I hope you have a shirt in the same color."

He chuckled.

"Don't worry, I won't disappoint you."

Indeed, at the agreed-upon time, Lance showed up at her door, wearing a shirt in the same color, black jeans, and matching shoes. He smiled at the sight of his friend, who opened the door ready to go.

"You look gorgeous. The color suits you."

Y/N laughed and closed the door behind her.

"That's good because otherwise, I would have to wear the white dress I brought with me, and someone might think I'm supporting Haas."

Lance laughed at her words, pleased to spend these few days with his friend. Honestly, he only stopped feeling lonely when she was around or when they had the chance to talk on FaceTime. Of course, it wasn't the same as having her physically by his side.

The evening passed in a pleasant atmosphere and time flowed effortlessly. Lawrence invited everyone who had arrived with Aston Martin to Bahrain, so instead of reserving a specific number of tables, Lance's father rented the entire restaurant for the evening.

Celebrating the team's excellent work during the winter months, the tables were adorned with champagne and white wine. Y/N had forgotten how weak her head could be, so after two glasses of wine during dinner, a slight buzz started to occupy her mind. Apologizing to Lance under the pretext of going to the bathroom, she stepped outside, sitting on the balcony. Despite being February, Bahrain offered pleasant temperatures, and even after the dark, a warm breeze caressed her exposed arms.

"Here you are."

The girl jumped, hearing his voice.

"You weren't around for half an hour, and I had the waitress check if something happened to you in the bathroom."

"I needed some fresh air."

Y/N replied, smiling at him. She noticed Lance's steps were a bit unsteady and a blush adorned his cheeks. When he sat next to her, she giggled.

"I can't believe we got tipsy."

Lance chuckled and rubbed his face with his hands.

"I won't lie, I'm feeling a bit dizzy."

Still giggling, the girl rested her head on his shoulder. Lance wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his cheek on her head.

"I'm glad you came."

"I'm glad you invited me."

"I'd give you the whole world if I only knew its price."

Hearing his words, Y/N raised her head and looked at his face. His brown, gentle eyes gazed at her affectionately and a faint smile played on the corners of his lips. Lance tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, gently caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"I hate that I can't give you anything in return."

Lance smiled, "Actually, there's something you could give me in return."

The girl raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"You could be my girlfriend."

Y/N blinked several times, unsure if her slightly intoxicated mind was playing tricks on her or if she understood Lance correctly.

"Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Oh, God, you have no idea how much."

The girl smiled and, without saying a word, cupped his cheeks in her hands and kissed him. Lance hugged her even tighter, returning the kiss, feeling a burst of fireworks in his stomach. He could bring her joy with money, and she could do it in just one way.

"I love you, Lance."

With love.

[playgrl0]

baby girl / nanami

wc: 1154

!! not proof read, sorry. + i'm dead, bye !!

! reblogs and comments/feedback are greatly appreciated! they motivate me to continue writing! :)

-

the cry of your baby daughter interrupts your beautiful dream. with a small sigh you sit up and stretch, throwing the covers aside and before you can fully get up, a warm hand rests on your shoulder, stopping you. it's kento's hand, of course. you look over to him, a brow raised. "i'll take care of her. go back to sleep, love." he presses a small kiss to your shoulder and then gets up to go into your daughters room which is right across from yours. you smile, laying back down and getting comfortable beneath the sheets again. it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep again.

kento takes your crying baby girl out of her crib and holds her close to his bare chest. he sits down in the rocking chair that's next to her crib, a small night light softly illuminating the room. he slowly rocks in the chair and gently rubs her back, humming a random melody. she calms down a few moments later and falls asleep quickly. kento chuckles to himself and softly kisses her forehead. he stares down at her tiny body and thinks back to the moment you told him you were pregnant. it is without a doubt one of the happiest moments of his life right after his daughters birth of course. when you told him that you were pregnant, kento wasn't scared for even a second. you are both secure and stable financially, so secure in your relationship and he knew you would be the best parents. the amount of love that spilled out of his body the second you showed him the positive pregnancy test was so overwhelming and he'll never forget the way he felt. he never thought he would be able to love like this, until his daughter was born and the love he felt not just for her but also for you, grew even stronger.

when she was born, kento cried happy tears. he didn't try to hide them or hold them back and he let all his emotions out while he held her against his chest during their first skin-to-skin contact. his tears were dripping down his throat and collarbones and he always made sure to wipe them away before they'd fall onto his daughters face. he swore he would never hurt her. he will love her unconditionally until the end of time. protect her from any harm. accept her always for who she is and who she will become. he'll always, always be there for her and he hopes to be his daughters first love. that he can show her to never settle for the bare minimum because she deserves the entire universe.

it was almost impossible to take his eyes off of her in her first moments and it is still almost impossible now. kento doesn't notice you coming into the room. you're standing next to the rocking chair, gently smiling at the scene next to you. you slowly and softly put your hand on his shoulder, hoping not to startle him. "kento?" he looks up at you with a small smile. "are you okay, love?" he asks. you nod and lean down to kiss his forehead. "i'm okay, are you? you've been gone for a while. thought i'd check on you." you answer him with a yawn. his smile grows as he listens to your tired, quiet voice and he grabs your hand, placing a soft kiss onto your knuckles. "i'm more than okay. she went back to sleep a few minutes after i picked her up but i kinda got lost in thought, i guess." he replies, looking at his baby girl again. she's sleeping with her mouth open, a bit of drool escaping at the side of her mouth. you both chuckle and you take your finger to softly wipe it away. "she's so beautiful." he whispers. "she is." you agree. she has kento's beautiful brown eyes and your nose and the smile is definitely yours as well. she doesn't have much hair yet but the small amount of hair on top of her head is the same color as kento's.

"you know," kento interrupts the silence. "one of the things i love most about her is that she was created purely out of love. all of your and my love for each other mixed together and created this beautiful life. she's living proof of our love and she's the most beautiful soul to ever exist. i love you both immensely." he confesses while still staring at his daughter, his thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand. when you don't respond he looks over at you, looking down at your baby as well but tears are running down your soft cheeks. he takes his thumb and wipes them away. "you okay?" he asks a bit concerned. you nod, sniffling and wrap an arm around his shoulder, pulling him as close into your side as the rocking chair lets you. "it's just, what you said was sweet. and, you're right. she is our love and she's the most beautiful angel. i love her so much." you lean down to carefully and gently kiss your babies head. "and i love you too, ken. i love you so much." kento smiles and softly kisses your lips for a few moments.

he pulls away and wipes the last tear from your cheek. "we should go back to sleep, you must be tired." he says. you nod and stand up fully again, stretching your arms. "let's take her with us, i want to cuddle her." you yawn as he stands up slowly. he couldn't say no to that. you both walk back into your bedroom where you get in bed first. kento hands you the baby and gets in next to you leaving a small empty space between you both so your daughter can lay there. you hold her for a few more moments, holding her close against your chest and gently rubbing her back. when you hear kento yawn next to you, you put her down in the space kento left for her and he pulls the blanket over all of you. you both lay on your sides, facing each other and your baby. kento wraps his arm as best as he can around your hip, your legs tangled together and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep again.

kento smiles, he can't believe this is his life. his happy, peaceful life with his two girls by his side. his entire world right here next to him. he gently kisses the tiny, soft cheek of his baby girl and softly squeezes your hip every once in a while. he continues to look at his daughter for a while and doesn't notice his eyes closing and falling asleep. he dreams about having another baby with you and he'll definitely talk to you about it in the morning.

<3 @ playgrl0

[widowmaxff]

if you wanted to, could you please write an angsty oneshot of moms!wandanat and reader where they get into a a bad argument which results in reader running away to yelena’s? ending could be happy or sad- up to you overall!

proud

pairings: parents!wandanat × daughter!reader | yelena × fem!reader (all platonic)

warnings: angst, argument, crying, insecure reader (?), happy ending!, steve × reader (platonic) at some time of the one shot, bad writing

a/n: i finished this crying because a cockroach attacked me, so thats why the ending was kind of bad writing sorry :P anddd tysm for your request <333 i loved writing this

You were never sure when it started, but it was probably a long time ago. When you learned that having parents who fought the super villains in the world wasn't normal, you realized that your life wouldn't be normal either. But even though you liked seeing your mother training with her red powers or running and being able to do whatever you wanted through the great corridors of the Compound, you still missed having a 'normal' life.

Being able to go out on the street without worrying about some evil man who hates one of your mothers kidnapping you or even being able to make friends at school without them being people who just wanted to meet your uncles, were things you wanted so much to experience. But that wasn't the only thing that made you feel bad in your daily life, having mothers who were superheroes also made you barely see them in weeks.

Even though most people your age didn't want anything to do with their parents anymore, you still missed the comforting and long hugs, the nights you had a marathon of your favorite movies and even when you still had dinner together as a family. But now, either they were too busy with work, like missions and paperwork, or they just didn't want to deal with a teenager.

And even then you tried to get their attention in some way. "Mom?" You knock softly on Natasha's office door, hearing a quiet response for you to enter. "Can you help me study for my test of the next week? I really don't understand this." You chuckle seeing your mother's eyes continue on the papers on her desk.

"Can't you look up the answer on the Internet or something? I'm really busy here, Y/n/n." You knew that Natasha would dismiss you somehow, but deep down you still hoped that she would look at you.

"Yes, but- I wanted to understand how to solve it and not just research it." You whisper, watching your mother write something down in the corner of the paper.

"Wanda can help you." She says, her eyes unable to take the words from her face for even a minute.

"Okay- um, thanks anyway, Mom." You only hear a mumble under her breath, making you wonder if there was something wrong with you. You close the office door with a little less hope this time. Your other mother was always a step ahead than Natasha in terms of emotional comfort, so maybe she would help you in your task by remembering your daily difficulties with that kind of thing. "Mama?"

"Yes?" Your mother murmurs, you barely listening. Wanda was sitting on the sofa at the Compound while devouring herself with a book in her hands.

"Can you help me study for my test of the next week, please?" You sit next to her while Wanda flips through another white page of the big book.

"Now?"

"Yeah. If it's possible."

"Can I help you...tomorrow?" Wanda finally looks at you from above her book. "Today is my only day off from the week's missions and paperwork and I'm really tired right now, my love." Your eyes fall to your hands in your lap, it was obvious that deep down you knew she was going to promise you something and maybe she would deliver. But by the time the next day passed, and then the next, and then the next... and Wanda didn't talk to you about it, you knew she wasn't going to help you.

And when you felt your head hurt just looking at that big red note in the corner of your test, you knew your mothers' wouldn't react so well to it. Maybe before they started spending time apart from you, they wouldn't get mad or anything like that because of your grade, but now you were sure that wasn't what would happen.

Stirring your fork on the plate still full of food, you go over the things you would say to your mothers' about your school grade. You travel between words and don't even notice when someone enters your field of vision. "Is everything okay, Kid?" It was your Uncle Steve. He sits in front of you watching you think about what to say to him.

"Yeah, it's just...school stuff."

"Is someone picking on you?" You knew that Steve almost saw you as a daughter, and you also knew that he was aware of how your mothers would rather be busy than deal with a teenage girl going through puberty, and that maybe now is the time when you needs them the most.

"Not like before, but that's not it." You leave your fork on your plate before sighing deeply. "I just got my test and I didn't get a very good grade," Murmuring you hold back the tears that sting your eyes. "now I don't know how I'm going to tell my mothers this."

Steve sighs. "I'm sure they won't fight with you, Y/n/n. Your mothers' will understand what happened and a grade doesn't define who you are, okay?" Your uncle didn't have much certainty in his voice but you tried to believe him anyway. You nod and put a small smile on your face, as a gesture of thanks.

Steve ruffles your hair, getting up from the chair when he hears the loud and unmistakable footsteps of your mothers' approaching you. He sends you a smile to try to reassure you that everything will work out, and with each step closer to you, your heart starts to accelerate. Your mothers' had a neutral expression, even if Natasha seemed angrier. "Aren't you going to eat?" Wanda asks, walking past you and heading towards one of the closets.

Completely ignoring the question, you take a deep breath and swallow hard. "I received the grade for that test in which I asked you to help me study." You mutter as you saw your mothers still facing away from you. "I got a D." Your voice was low, but even so, the two stopped what they were doing and looked into the depths of your soul.

"You got what?" Natasha seemed to finally understand that you were there. Her arms crossed as she walked towards you.

"I-I asked for help and-"

"Now you're trying to get out of this by blaming us for not helping you?" Wanda cuts you off making your eyes focus on her.

"I'm just saying- I tried, okay?!" It could be said that you got anger issues from your mom genes, or that you were just overwhelmed and your patience was running out. And when your tone of voice increased, you knew Natasha's anger would increase as well.

"Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!" Natasha slams her fist on the table in front of you, making you almost jump out of your seat.

"Well, you shouldn't be talking to me like that either." You didn't know where so much courage came from to fight back against your mother, but when you realized it, the damage had already begun.

"I'm your fucking mother, I talk to you however I want!" Natasha had never made you feel as scared as you did now, but it seemed like now that the words started to come out, they wouldn't stop.

"Ah, you haven't even been acting like a mother these past few months. Hypocrisy, huh?" When you finished speaking, you saw Wanda's eyes want to turn red like her hair. She approached the two of you quickly with the angriest expression you had ever seen.

"What's your problem, Y/n?!"

"My problem?" You get up from the chair and cross your arms, anyone who saw you in that position would notice the similarities in anger between you and Natasha. "You tell me! I'm not the person who would rather spend time anywhere else than with her own daughter. I'm not the one who forgets that she still has a daughter to raise!"

You screamed so loud that you were sure the entire Compound could hear that argument and that they could probably feel the tension in that environment from afar. If you were in a cartoon, you could see smoke coming out of Natasha's head and definitely Wanda's eyes catching fire. "You're being so selfish right now, Y/n." 

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are! Just because your mother and I work all day to give you a better life, you think that we don't pay attention to you?" You had never seen Wanda like that, screaming and looking like she could kill anyone who came in front of her.

"Ah, yeah. Because last week when you weren't working you preferred to spend the whole day with Peter than with me just because he got a good grade!"

"Yes, because he always made us so proud by passing all the tests he had, unlike you!" Natasha spits the words out of her mouth without even thinking about what she was saying. And when they passed your ears you could feel your heart breaking.

Hearing that your mothers were more proud of a teenager who worked with them than they were of you made you feel like a gunshot was slowly passing through your chest. Natasha and Wanda knew how insecure you felt in your daily life, mainly due to academic validation, and now it seemed like all those days they had to spend helping you feel better about yourself were going down the drain.

Natasha sighs deeply when she sees your eyes widen, holding back tears that would fall at any moment. Wanda didn't seem any different when she heard the same words coming out of her wife's mouth. She never imagined that an argument of that size would ever happen between you, and Wanda could have sworn that she felt her heart stop beating out of disgust at the thought of how bad you must be feeling right now. "Y/n, I didn't mean-"

"It's okay." You murmur, uncrossing your arms. Two tears fall from your eyes and you make sure to wipe them away quickly. Your eyes were anywhere but on your mothers, because you felt so disgusting knowing that they were more proud of Peter than they were of you, that you couldn't even look at them.

Neither Wanda nor Natasha say anything when you turn and start walking out of the kitchen. You seemed to be walking automatically, your eyes blurry and your mind foggy, just going through your mother's words, over and over. But when you realize it, you're already outside the Compound, a few blocks away. You remember only one person who could help you outside of that place, and who wouldn't mind if you showed up suddenly.

And that's how you found yourself in front of Yelena's apartment, your aunt. She had found a place to live close to Natasha's house when she reconnected with her years ago, and especially when she discovered that she had a daughter, you. "Y/n?" Yelena seemed confused to see you there, with your face soaked and red, looking like an abandoned puppy. "Hey, what's wrong?" She didn't take long to have you in her arms.

"M-Mom and Mama h-hate me." You finally managed to murmur after some time sitting on the sofa in the apartment with Yelena stroking your hair and saying affectionate words. 

Anyone who saw her doing this wouldn't believe it. Yelena wasn't the type of person for physical touches and especially sweet words, but when the subject was you, she became another person. "Why do you say that? They love you more than anything, Y/n/n."

"No, they don't."

Yelena had never seen you like this, not when you cried for days when you saw your favorite character dying, not when your mothers had to leave for a long mission. It was strange to see you crying almost as if there was no air in your lungs, your aunt wondered what happened to make it look like you had a bullet in your body and you were begging her to take it out. So, when you fell asleep crying on the couch, Yelena didn't wait a minute to call Natasha and insult her in every way possible. "What the fuck did you do?"

"What?"

"Y/n showed up at my door, I've never seen her crying as much as she does now." Yelena looks at you from the apartment's kitchen, you were curled up on the sofa with a blanket covering your body.

"Are you with her? Wanda and I were looking for her throughout the entire Compound." Natasha seemed to be relieved on the other end of the call, but even so her voice still sounded apprehensive about what had happened. "We're going to your apartment, I'll answer your question when we get there."

"You better!"

[...]

"She's sleeping on the couch." Yelena says when she sees Wanda and Natasha's eyes follow behind her, trying to find you. Yelena noticed Wanda's red eyes, not as if she wanted to cast circles of magic through her hands, but as if she had cried before arriving at the apartment. Your aunt knew that Wanda was sensitive, especially when it came to the topic of you and that you probably inherited that from her too, but for you two to cry so much like that, something really happened. 

"Tell me what happened before you look at my niece again." Yelena has always been very protective of you, for example the time two girls made you the target of jokes in your school, and your aunt didn't wait a second to go to each of their houses and have a word with them. 

"I better show you." Wanda says getting closer to Yelena, moving her fingers that came out red magic towards her mind - Steve messing up your hair, Wanda opening cabinets, red grade, Natasha screaming, you screaming, not being a mother, Wanda screaming, Peter being mentioned, not proud, disgusting feeling, you crying, you leaving the kitchen.

"Jesus." Yelena sighs deeply, running her hands over her face. "I really don't know how you're going to fix this, but I'll warn you: the hole is deeper than it looks."

"What- what do you mean by that?"

"Look, I'm sure you didn't want this to turn into a big snowball, but Y/n been feeling neglected for so long that after today it might take a while for things to get back to normal." Yelena says leaning on the front door frame.

"We didn't-"

"Yes, you did this to her. Today wasn't the first time she's shown up at my door in the last few months, but she's worse than the other times." Yelena crosses her arms and closes her eyes trying to calm down. "I had to listen to her talk about how you hardly talk to her on a daily basis, how you forgot to go to her presentation at school and didn't even apologize, how there were days when you forgot to pick her up and she had to walk in the rain to my apartment because it was closer, how she cried because you never had movie nights again because apparently now you have movie nights with Peter." Yelena's voice got louder with each thing she remembered you saying to her, and there were countless things. "I don't want to hear what you have to say, I want you to talk to her, apologize."

Natasha was so embarrassed to hear all those things from Yelena that she preferred to remain silent. Wanda had started to cry again, but it was silently, digesting all those things they did and didn't do to you. She had always dreamed of being a mother and now that she wasn't acting like one made her want to vomit over her own actions.

"Can we see her?" It was a stupid question coming from them, since they were your mothers and have the right to see you whenever they want. But they knew that everything was messy and bad for you because of them, so the least they had to do was respect your space.

Yelena just nods and gives Wanda and Natasha space to enter the apartment, taking light steps towards you. They bend down in front of you and see your swollen eyes and your red face with dried tears. Your mothers could cry just to see you in this state. Wanda starts to caress your face trying to make you wake up calmly, it was something she used to do when she went to your room in the morning every day to wake you up. And when you felt that you quickly knew who it was. "Mama?"

"Shh, yes it's me, my love." Wanda says with a small smile on her face when she hears your voice. You seemed lost for a few seconds but when you looked around the apartment you quickly remembered, throwing off the blanket and quickly sitting down on the couch. "Hey, it's okay."

"What are you two doing here?" You murmur, looking at your mothers' faces, who seemed sorry for everything that happened.

"We... came to talk and apologize, is that okay for you?" Natasha says, you could see in her face that she felt just as guilty as Wanda, because most of those horrible words were said by her. "Yeah, I guess." Wanda sighed in relief at your answer and felt some of the weight leave her body.

"I know that just apologies won't be enough to make you want to be around us for now, but your mother and I are completely sorry, my love. We were so stupid about leaving you aside these last few months, we didn't even realize what we were doing to you and it's really fucked up." The swear word made you laugh briefly, putting a smile on your mothers face. "And maybe you don't want to forgive us and that's definitely okay, but know that we're going to do everything we can to get things back on track, okay?"

Natasha agrees with Wanda's words and takes a deep breath before starting to speak. "We love you very, very much, sweetheart. And you are our greatest pride in our entire lives. I know you may not believe this, but you can be sure that me, your mother, your aunt and all your other uncles feel most proud of you, okay? You're our little star and our little agent." 

A genuine smile appears on your face when you hear the sweet words that came out of your mothers' mouths. "First, you guys are literally the only people I want by my side and that's the only thing I've wanted these last few months. And I'm really grateful that you guys are sorry about that, even though it's probably going to be hard for things to go back to normal." They nod their heads when they hear your words in your low voice. "And I... forgive you. Not completely but until I can feel good again, but I think hearing you say sorry is a start."

"Okay, yes, that's okay." Wanda leaves a kiss on your forehead and strokes your hair affectionately. "We love you so much, dear."

"Love you too." You say, hugging the two women in front of you, finally feeling maternal affection after feeling neglected for so long and wondering what you had done wrong. Even though it took a while to get used to it all again, you were definitely happier than ever just hearing the words that they were proud of you. "Now I finally don't need to come to talk to Auntie Yelena anymore."

"Hey! I heard that!" Yelena shouts from another room in the apartment making the three of you laugh. You loved making fun of her, but even so, you will always be thankful for all the things she did for you. "Wow you're so ungrateful, Mini Romanoff."

[ratsummer]

So my bestie was telling me the other day about Phantom wanting to practice kissing and I am running away with it!!

It doesn't take long after he's summoned for Phantom to want to kiss his pack mates. Unfortunately, he is a very anxious and not-yet-well-adjusted ghoul, so he agonizes over who to go to for a long, long time. They're all so beautiful, and everyone has been happy to help him, but the thought of kissing them... of being vulnerable in that way... He agonizes over everything that could go wrong for hours on end. After much sleeplessness and pacing around his room with a notebook (Cirrus taught him about decision trees) he finally decides Mountain is the safest bet.

First of all, he sees Mountain kissing literally everyone, all of the time, everywhere. Anyone can see he's good at it. Anyone can see he likes it! Also, both Swiss and Rain have independently confessed to Phantom that Mountain is the best kisser. Mountain has never laughed at him for not knowing how to do something, so he at least almost certainly won't be mean if he thinks it's weird that Phantom hasn't ever kissed anyone. Really, Phantom feels pretty safe that he can walk away from the situation unscathed, no matter which way things go.

So. It's gonna be Mountain. Phantom works up all the courage in his little heart and goes to Mountain's door. When Mountain greets him, he sees a skinny little ghoul (the littlest quint he's ever seen, that might never wear off) clutching his weighted bat stuffy close and barely able to stammer out a hello.

The one thing that Phantom had unfortunately left out of consideration was Mountain's height. Even glamored, the guy towers over him. He's also generally quiet, so he really just has a very consistenly... looming quality to him. Which is fine! So fine! But Phantom is already embarrassed and nervous and this big beautiful ghoul is just looking down at him with his big pretty soft gentle eyes and his sweet lovely smile and it's all so disarming and Phantom is just shrinking in on himself more and more and he can't even say hello to Mountain and he's such an idiot and he shouldn't have come and-

"Hey, snuggle bug, come here. Come back to me."

And, oh. Mountain is kneeling in front of him. He's shorter than Phantom now, but only just barely, and... wow, okay, Phantom can breathe again. And Mountain is just holding his hips and gently squeezing, and his big heavy tail is gently thumping on the ground, and he's still smiling that beautiful soft smile.

It's such a relief to have Mountain holding him that Phantom doesn't realize he's crying until Mountain reaches up to softly wipe his cheeks. And then Phantom is giggling, and his face is so hot, and then he starts crying for real, and he feels so stupid but also so safe. And he apologizes to Mountain over and over, sorry, he doesn't know why he's crying.

And around his gasps and half-stuttered apologies, he finally manages to confess. "I don't even know why I'm crying. I just wanted to kiss with you."

And Mountain is grinning so big and pulling him close, and even though he's on his knees he's somehow still making Phantom feel safe and small. And Mountain nuzzles up under his jaw, and presses a sweet, tiny kiss there. He cups Phantom's cheeks, and tilts his head down so he can press a lingering kiss between his horns.

"I would love to kiss with you, snuggle bug. Should we get in my nest?"

And Phantom can only whine and nod, knuckles white as he clings desperately to Mountain's shirt. He refuses to let go, even as Mountain stands and towers over him once more, stretching Phantom's arms out over his head. Mountain just laughs softly, not mean at all, and grabs Phantom's thighs to pick him up and wrap them around his waist.

Phantom squishes himself as close to Mountain as he can, snuggled up against his chest like a baby bat. He tucks his face into Mountain's neck to breathe in his warm, familiar smell, and wraps his tail tight around Mountain's hips. Mountain is rubbing his back, a deep, rumbling purr rolling through his chest as he closes the bedroom door and turns to his nest.

"Alright, snuggle bug. You're alright. Mounty's got you."

And maybe Phantom's entire body is finally relaxing from being so tense for hours, stressing over whether he should or shouldn't approach Mountain. Maybe his eyes are heavy from crying. Maybe he's finally warm and calm and maybe a big, cozy ghoul is kissing his hair and wrapping a big, cozy blanket around him.

Maybe he can get kisses tomorrow.

[jaidenk-nox]

Elizabeth midford

Shitty 2AM rant on the Misogyny that Lizzy has faced since the very start but it's the perspective of someone who has witnessed the horrors of Misogyny in Spanish speaking fandom

I should mention that English is not my first language and I'm not very good with it either, so most of this was done with Google Translate and I tried to correct what I could, I hope it's at least readable

I've never seen enough people point out the fact that Elizabeth midford character also defies the "Girlboss" archetype, she is definitely physically strong and can protect herself, but she is A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL, who manages her emotions like someone her age would and also exhibits many neurodivergent traits. I have always been bothered by the way physical strength is misunderstood as a "girlboss" trait, the simplest example I can think of is Ran Mao, she possesses brutal and superhuman strength. but it doesn't make her a girlboss, in case anyone forgets Ran is a girl who barely reaches 18 years old and is exploited by an opium trader who also seems to be involved in human trafficking (implied in the manga). Is she really a girlboss? girlboss when her physical strength is more of a requirement to SURVIVE while working as an assassin and sometimes seductress (which u can tell she doesn't enjoy much)? Obviously Ranmao's social reality is very different as she is a woman of color from the underworld, unlike Elizabeth, who is a white woman from the nobility. However, her physical strength has always been a double-edged sword for herself. Lizzy longs to get married, like any other girl her age, she longs to be protected but says goodbye to it the moment Ociel returns.

I may seem a bit exaggerated, but the way your sociocultural background affects the way you perceive and treat a character has me slightly traumatized, I wish I could give proof of the horrible and degrading treatment that Lizzy has received from the Spanish-speaking fandom.

I am a trans boy of color who grew up watching my female relatives being encouraged to rip their hearts out of their chest from the moment they turned 8yo for the simple goal of caring for and protecting my cis male relatives. household chores, cooking for them, washing their clothes, taking accountability for their actions. Their freedom and childhood as little girls were taken away from them. but none of that was ever valued, I never saw anyone recognize it as sacrifice.

Elizabeth is not a woman of color, nor does she have those demands as a woman of nobility, but she SACRIFICED stuff to try to protect Ciel on her own way, I have seen many people underestimate her backstory in book of Atlantic because "High heeled shoes aren't reason to cry." Everything Lizzy has done for Ciel is devalued, all her suffering has been minimized. losing so many family members in such a short time, losing the boy you were raised to marry your entire life. People truly forget that lizzy is still just a child, that she has the right to mourn everything she lost that day. She had to mourn publicly as a noble girl,she probably heard that she would never be able to get married or would never achieve happiness, I've never seen any adult to stop and think about how heartbreaking and soul shattering that must have been as a 11yo

I have seen how EVERY thing Lizzy does is judged. how her behavior, personality and temperament are criticized. but other characters like Soma just get a pass while doing the same stuff, but this does not just stop at gender, but also at age. people HATE girls and afabs who act like children when they are literally CHILDREN.

How is it possible that Lizzy has faced such harsh judgment from the fandom when there are other characters like Maam red, Lau, Grell, Undertaker who are universally ADORED or atleast respected in the fandom.

I love u Elizabeth midford but ur character makes me violently ill omfg

[songmingisthighs]

Wanbelyn

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. lvii - basic

neurosurgeon!hongjoong × reader

buy me coffee ?

where love and peace is held, i never expected for this to happen. i planned and i planned, i expected, and i hoped, but it was never you. you held what i wanted hostage to make room for you, the thing that i needed but has no means of acceptance. deny me, live your best life.

"For fuck's sake," Hongjoong grumbled, huffing as he stood from his sitting position on the carpet, leaving Kijoong with his toys and Happy Tree Friends on. Hongjoong doesn't like him watching that but after the little misadventure Kijoong had, he figured he'd relent this once. After all, the disturbing cartoon was nothing compared to the incessant rap of knocks on his front door.

Before Hongjoong could get close, the door swung open and he almost jumped back in shock. It was not (just) because of the abruptness and booming sound, but it was also because he was met with the sight of you rushing in. His brain had barely processed the sight when you took off your shoes and pushed past him, barely sparing him a glance.

"Hey! Excuse me?" Hongjoong called out, his body moving in automation, trying to grab you to talk to you. But as his fingers graze the skin of your arm, you slapped his hand away and pointed a finger to his face (not the finger you preferred but it was fine), "Don't you even fucking start with me, Kim Hongjoong, I'll deal with you later because I have someone more important to tend to," you said, turning back to go to Kijoong. "Oh so NOW you crap on me to my face?" Hongjoong tried talking again but you didn't even bother to look back, "Bite me, asshole," you spat, surprising Hongjoong.

Hearing the commotion, Kijoong snapped his head to the sight and immediately dropped the toys in his hands when he saw you. "(y/n)!" He screeched before his bottom lip quivered and eyes water, his eyebrows furrowed and upon being pulled into your arms, he wailed loudly. It was obvious that Kijoong missed you dearly because he was holding onto your shirt and wrapped hid legs around your waist so tightly.

"Why 'y gone?" He cried out, hiccupping so pathetically that his face turned red.

You were no better.

At the sight of your little boy crying, your eyes watered and you couldn't help but feel your chest clench, in pain seeing him in such a state. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," you pulled him back slightly but only managed to have his face pushed off of you, chuckling tearily as you pushed his hair back, "I'm so sorry for leaving you, buddy, I should have told you I went to see my dad," you apologized profusely but Kijoong kept crying and crying. "I-I-I look, I went and look," he said through sobs but you were able to understand what he was saying. "Yes, I know, I heard you went to look for me and you met my friend, huh?" You tried smiling but still, tears wet your cheeks as the feeling of longing and relief wash over you, "We need to talk about you running away without telling anyone but I am so so so so proud that you were not willing to just go with anyone even though they said that they were my friend," you pecked his forehead and cheeks multiple times which did not calm Kijoong down. You tried putting him back down on the floor but he let out a squeal of disapproval and instead buried his face on your shoulder. You had to calm him down and told him that you were not going to leave him again as you settle to sit on the carpet with the couch supporting your back and a koala strapped to your chest.

Neither you nor Kijoong realized that Hongjoong was watching the two of you closely yet from a distance. His heart hurt seeing his own son missing someone so bad that he just combusted into a teary mess and really, as if he hadn't blamed himself enough.

As much as he wanted to confront you and ask where you were, he knew he was in no position to do that, not when you and Kijoong were basking in each other, letting go of the longing and negative feelings. There was a twinge of jealousy in Hongjoong's chest but he was not about to admit that nor let it show. No matter how much he wanted to approach you and tell you how annoyed he was that you left without saying anything, how you two could've avoided the things that transpired in between so easily, but also how glad he was that you were okay, he simply couldn't let himself be selfish.

With a heavy heart and even heavier steps, Hongjoong quietly retreated to his room, sitting on his bed with his feelings and his heart beating in his palms heavily. He let his bedroom door open to allow the happy voices outside to fill the void of his room. But really, he was allowing himself to feel like he was a part of what was going on outside though he was alone. Due to his own action, yet again.

And it was bitter.

It made him bitter.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet

taglist :

@strawberry-yeo @luvt0kki @allisonleannn @dinossaurz @khjcs @blackb3ll @aloverga @at1nys-blog @itsbeeble @potatomountain @axo-l0tl @green-thots @intancollins @galaxypox @11glitch11 @maddiebabyxoxo @alyssajavenss @mirror-juliet @gxlden-bxbyy @charreddonuts @dreamlesswonder86 @mayonnaisehoeshit @kodzukein @teenyfinds @dear-dreamie @mitchloveswriting @soobiverse @satsuri3su @phenomenalgirl9 @guess-monst3r @dimeb29 @ka-ni-ma @yayaistime @angelicyeo @kyume02 @thedistractedwriter @surveilenceysystem @ateezourstars @aursmrt @mismatchfluffysocks @puppyminnnie @nycol-ie @yungilia @writingbarnes @worcesheshestershiresauce

[k2ntoss]

WISH YOU WERE HERE – PT. 2

tw ⭒ swearing, angst, couple argument, break up, stalking (NOT IN A CREEPY BAD KINDA WAY, OKAY??? DON'T DO THAT SHIT, IT'S WEIRD AND WRONG), mention of blood and injuries (reader gets into trouble but hey, it's okay), jason todd x fem!reader and okayyyyyy that's everything heh and just because i won't pay for your therapy there's fluff at the end (i'm crying so ugly i can't stand thinking about sad baby ): )

prompt from @unboundprompts "I know I'm not perfect, but we can work this out." !!!

a/n ⭒ once again song based fic, part two for dirty little secret with a bit more angst because i'm craving it. wish you were here by neck deep.

this one is for @millyhelp who requested part two :3

no word count, i'm lazy so deal with it. :3

one year thrown to waste or at leats, that's how it felt, because even if you tried to push one more month with jason it didn't worked out. you knew he tried hard to trust things could be fine but it simply didn't happened so one day you decided to show up on his place holding a box of the things he gave you.

a few books poking out of the box and also some of his clothes, the ones you used to wear to sleep because it allowed you to feel he was with you instead of wherever he was because you never knew it, your relationship was filled with secrets that didn't allowed the love you felt to breath until it suffocated.

"i can't do this anymore, jason" your words hit him as soon as jason opens the door of his place, eyes darting between your face and the box you hold on your arms and he knew that this day would come, sooner or later you'll end up getting tired of the things he couldn't give you.

but knowledge doesn't mean it is easier to accept your resolve, it burned inside of his chest because there was no way he would just let you go.

that he could have allowed to himself if things were easier, but this wasn't a fairytail in which after all the bad stuff you got to experience that pretty and fluffy happy ending so there wasn't another option for him or for you.

"just like that? just throwing everything to waste?" he asks as his hands take the box from your arms, eyes running over the objects on it and he notices the only framed picture of you both.

"are you sure i am the one throwing all to waste?" you ask him, and this time the table turns because he's the one that feels you stabbing him with each word because he knows that his fear is the only thing pulling you away from him.

there's a voice inside his head that screams at him to not let you go, he is totally capable of taking care of you and to keep you safe from all the bad shit that life throws at him but then there's the other voice, the one that whispers to him about his worst fears, the one that makes him have nightmares.

because in some of his dreams he lets you in to his life, without secrets and you accept him, you love him as he is but then he's naive enough to think that you can be into his arms safe. he dreams about you being in danger, about holding you into his arms but you're not here anymore and it's because he wasn't able to protect you. he never made it on time.

"i'm not gonna keep waiting, jason, i can't go arlund telling myself that you love me when i barely know you" jason wants to throw the box to hug you, to tell you everything about him and just cry against your chest because all his hell is making him be left alone once again. but he remains silent, standing with his eyes fixed on yours and he does a good job preventing the tears to pool at his lashline.

"people does not live of love" he says, blunt and harsh and it's true but how do you keep a relationship alive when it's burried deep into so many secrets?

"they don't but you can't expect people to be happy with someone that does not know how to love them" if you pay a little more attention you can hear his breath catching at his throat and beneath that, his heart shattering "i don't deserve this" it's the last thing he hears from you.

it's been two years, two damn year of being left alone all again. jason has lost count of how many times he has been about to call, just to hear your voice or to tell you he needs you.

two years of him moving out of that apartment to one of his safe houses, never being able to spend more than two nights complete there because he always ends up on the rooftop of the old building where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

there's days when he stands on the living room, in silence while he holds a cup of coffee and turns around to look at that photo; the only one he has with you because he told you he didn't liked photos but he wished he had a wall full of silly photographs of you kissing him and holding his hand but there's just that one. you lying over his chest and smiling widely while he pressed his chin to the top of your head.

he misses you so bad, because he deep inside knows that he had been unfair with you, he never knew how to love you and you deserved better and he wasn't enough, that's what jason tells to his reflex when he looks at it on the mirror and he's cried at it, he crumbles completely when he remembers how sad your eyes looked the last months with him.

he never fixed it. he never tried enough to make you happy. it was all his fault because no matter what, the people he loved the most always left him.

he remembers everyday how it has been two years and he hasn't been there next to you to celebrate your achieved goals, he hasn't been there to hold you and calm you when you needed it.

because maybe he wasn't really there but he is always taking care of you. it's been two years but jason takes time to, once or twice a week, go around your block to see if you're doing fine and the first year was hard because for a few months after your breakup you barely left your place.

he made sure to sneak into the building to leave food, without notes attached or anything that could tell you it was him and it never really crossed your mind because he cutted every knot with you, almost as if he vanished from your life. nothing else but a dream you had.

it took you time, probably haldf a year to shake yourself well enough to try and return to your daily routine, work and college with maybe a small join with your close friends and jason always made sure to know you would be alright. even if he wasn't by your side.

what he didn't knew was about the nights you spent crying on your room, curtains closed shut and lights off as you called him just to be met with nothing. he never changed his number, you asked his classmates and they told you it was the same but it was weird because why an stranger would wanna know that? so you stopped asking about him, it was for the better.

the second year was harder, trying to forget jason was hard but slowly you managed to stop thinking about him. after breaking up he dropped out of college, none of his friends knew about him, he just disappeared from everywhere so it was easier to erase him from your mind and heart. if only it was possible.

because there would be days where after graduating you drive past the campus just to remember how he used to wait for you at the gates so you could spend a few hours to act the fool on his place or yours. some other days you would be on a store, looking for something you need when one of the songs he used to hum when he cooked started to play all around the place.

you were over him but it didn't took away the sharp pain on your chest, the small tears falling from your eyes just to be met by a "is anything wrong, princess?" and oh, how much you wished he was here, that it was him worrying about you.

it wasn't jason. you know how they say that a nail takes out another? you never thought it could work but it was worth the trying, right? a nice guy to hold your heart so tenderly that you felt safe. that you felt loved.

jason knows it, that's the only reason he's now going less around your block. seeing you with someone else hurts, it makes him so fucking sad he can't stand it and he has been about to knock at your door because he feels so determined to let you in to his world sometimes but he doesn't, he knows he'll be too selfish to try to go back to you after making you suffer so much.

he drives around your block once every two weeks now, he tries to make it part of his patrol so there's sometimes when you're on your couch cuddled by your new boyfriend, too lost to pay attention to any movie he picked up but looking into the window just to be met by a red spot that makes you feel somehow safe but as it comes it goes, maybe the light of the police sirens.

alike jason, there's days when you find yourself on the rooftop of the building where he used to live, sitting on the floor and looking at the sky. the tears stream down your cheeks until one night you hear the heavy stomp of boots and when you turn around the red hood is looking at you.

there's a strange tension on the air, he stands there frozen like a deer in front of a truck and you just look at him about to say something but it's too slow. he's running away, jumping from a rooftop to another like he was beeing chased and maybe it's common. you're not the first gotham citizen that has had an encounter with the vigilantes of the city.

but the way the white sockets of his helmet lingered on yours made you feel calm, the kind of calm jason's presence gave you two years ago and you remember why your face is damp. he knows, jason knows damn well you go sometimes to his old building but he never expected to find you there, crying.

back at his place he stares at the picture again, you used to look so happy... why did he had to ruin it all? it was everything he had from you, that picture to tell him you were never going to come back to him. suddenly being home felt like drowning so it was better to go out, some more patrol and kicking some criminals would make him better.

call it destiny or whatever you want but jason thanks the heavens to his gut feeling. he ends up around his old block, he sees you're leaving the place and it's almost midnight, you carry your bag and walk through the dark alleys to go back to your apartment.

it's weird how things work because you turn to an alley you usually avoid and trouble finds you, there's a group of three men.

"seems like luck has found us, guys" one of them talks, there's a laugh-like rumble on his voice that tells you this is in no way a good thing. they walk in your way, the fear makes you hold onto your bag as if it was the most important thing in life.

"maybe it's our time to have some fun, isn't it?" this time another one speaks, circling around you until your arm is held behind your back. the third of them snatches your bag out of your grip or at least he tries because your hand is clenched around it.

"c'mon, let go of it or you'll get hurt" he warns, his eyes fixed on yours with a glint of anger on them as his hand reaches for something on his back pocket but there you go, playing brave.

"let go off me, i'm gonna fucking scream" your voice sounds firm but there was a slight tremble to it, but the threat just makes them all laugh like a lame joke.

"the little bitch has some guts on her, huh?" the man that was holding your arm snarls, holding you thighter "what if my friend cuts you open so we can see them?" it makes your blood freeze, because at this point your bag is completely snatched from your hold and there's an stinging pain on your stomach.

almost as he was punching you, the man that has your bag presses his fist against your body in a harsh push when he stabs you. the pain is too much it makes you foggy, not being able to fully register what's going on around you miss the sound of bullets and the heavy steps of the combat boots.

there are three thuds across the alley as your attackers fall and all of the sudden there's someone holding you thightly. blurry eyes seeing a faint red speck in front of you and from afar you hear a modulated voice.

"c'mon... don't do this to me" jason mumbles, he's still wearing his helmet and he refuses to take it off. he's not brave enough to look directly at you because on his head this is all his fault "can't do this to me, princess... look at me, please"

maybe it's the shock of your injuries but there's something familiar in the way the red hood calls you princess and it makes your chest ache, your whines turning into crying loudly between his arms because now it's not only the wound that hurts.

"no, no... you have to resist, don't cry like that, baby" he coos, on the edge of losing it all because he feels like dying when you cry desperately holding onto his jacket "you gotta be strong, pretty, you can't leave me"

"why? why did you had to give up just like that?" it comes out of your mouth without even thinking and it makes jason shake because it was almost as if you were talking to him instead to a vigilante that's trying to take care of you.

"calm down, sweetheart, please" he leans in, his hand pressed against the wound once he takes off one of his gloves "you'll hurt yourself more, you just have to let me take you to a hospital" he says, picking you up with so much care, too much tenderness for a guy that once was a crime lord, that has made so much wrong.

he's quick, he supresses his shivering hands because he has to be sure you make it to the hospital in time even if he drives you around in his motorcycle and misses all the red lights, he couldn't care less about it.

later that night, when you are resting into a hospital room he's being scolded by batman but he's too busy pacing around the rooftop, he took off his helmet and his hands are all over his hair and face. jason is trying to gather himself up to see you.

was this all his fault? of course it was. the person he loved the most, the one that brought so many good things to his life was now lying on a hospital bed injured because he had been so stupid and weak.

without thinking twice about it jason sneaks back into the hospital, still on his red hood gear he goes to your room and locks the door before he seats next to the bed. the helmet rests at your feet while his hand holds yours, not feeling able to look at you he cries himself to sleep, his forehead pressed to your knuckles until it's 4 am.

"jason?" your voice is all gruffy, throat dry but you have to speak because jason was right there and you'll be damned if you didn't recognized the jet black hair and that pretty white streak, it felt so soft brushing against your skin before your fingers brushed into the silky strands "jason..."

he wakes up, scared when he feels his hair being ruffled but he settles as soon as he remembers your touch, it soothes him but when your hand stops scratching he looks up.

it hits you like a train, his clothes and the damn red helmet resting at your feet on the bed.

"it's a lot to explain..." jason starts, he knows it's too much because there are things that cannot be talked just like that about him. your fingers are squeezing his and it makes him break down again.

"is this... is this why you didn't wanted me around?" the question itself is enough to make him nod in silence, the tears are starting to flow down again and jason doesn't fight it.

"it sounds so fucking stupid when you say it like that... i feel so fucking stupid" his voice breaks and it's the first time you see him so vulnerable, it makes you want to hug him because even with everything that happened you loved him. how could you not love jason? he had always made you feel safe and understood, because maybe you didn't knew him so well he knew you and he always made sure to let you know he loved you with your every flaw.

"it is so hard to think about it because i feel like you don't deserve to deal with even more shit" he says, looking away "do you... do you know how it feels when i imagine how much danger you'll face around me? i can't stop thinking that you're here because of me, it's everything my fault, y/n."

it's heartbreaking, because you know he is seeing himself as someone who wasn't worth it and ad the red hood it was even worse because everyone knew about what he has done but there's so much more about him than just that.

"it's not your fault... it shouldn't have had happened but i turned into the wrong alley" your voice is low and a soft grunt escapes your lips when you sit yourself up to reach his chin, making jason look at you "and there's no reason why being around you should be easy, who said it had to be everything safe when we live in gotham?"

the small smile that makes it up to your lips makes his heart break, after all his shit, all the hurtful things he said before you were trying to make him laugh.

"i'm so sorry, y/n" he holds your hand again, hiding his face on the mattress of the bed as he cried "i know i'm not perfect, but we can work this out..."

"i know you're not perfect, not as jason todd nor as the red hood" you say, thumb caressing his knuckles as you look into his bloodied hands and notice is the same hand he held pressed against your stomach "but right along all your flaws there's a lot more and with all the shit we've been through... i still love you, just like that"

[azurlily]

Our obsession with this game is natural... PROMISE(lies)

To anyone who played the game, yes, all romancable characters + Elena and Mia are requestable.

New writers on the block yall! I'm Lune, this is a collaborative writing effort from the original owner(Azurli) and I. This somehow just turned into shit about Bella being crazy and and in love with you, so enjoy.

Bella's Obsessive(Toxic) Tendencies

Bella loves you, she does, but sometimes she loves you too much. The idea was in her head long before she had gotten her heart back.

Bella had dreams of you, of you in her arms - without a shirt or pants. You looked beautiful, and every night she'd wake up in a sweat, her face red, and her thighs wet.

After Bellas heart was unnumbed(is this a word?) she was feeling so much, too much.

One moment, she was happy and content with being around you; the next, she was mad because someone looked at you.

Toxic isn't how one would describe the beginning of your relationship. It isn't how Bella would describe it either, but to outside forces...that's exactly what it looked like.

To others, it seemed like the horrible Ice Queen on campus had decided you would be hers, against your will.

Which, in reality, we all know is far from the truth. With how deeply you love her, you two will be able to overcome anything, even her overly possessive nature.

Right?

Of course, if Bella is anything, it's a fighter. It's not like she's become so used to being trapped under Miranda's thumb that she has begun to develop a complex.

That's preposterous. Bella doesn't worry about what would happen if you found someone different. She doesn't dream about you finding the girl that got a bit too close to you, dead. And when you run to her in fear, you hug her knowing she's never done anything unless it was to protect you.

Bella doesn't imagine Mia's blood on her hands as you cry into her shoulder, thankful to be protected.

Bella is perfectly sane in her love for you.

Now let's be serious.

Bella would give you anything and everything. Well, maybe not anything... not yet, at least. She wouldn't hurt her family for you, but damn, the anger she holds for her mother at times. She worries for herself.

Bella gives you her all in the relationship. That means she gives all of herself: no more secrets, no lies. She bares herself to you wholeheartedly and completely. She expects you to do the same, so if you don't, you will lose her. You love her too much not to, right?

Right.

"I love you, you know that right? You make me so happy, I love you so much."

Bella's words are a sweet poison; don't drink it. After a fight, she'll storm off not only to cool herself down but also to let you cool off.

You've both learned that this is for the best, especially if you want to keep this relationship going long-term, which you will. Bella wouldn't allow you to leave her.

On some occasions, Bella will wait for you to apologize first, and then she'll act like she was just getting ready to apologize to you.

Her words are as sweet as honey, but her voice is as sharp as a razor. You can't tell if she's happy, angry, sad, or horny.

Bella does this on purpose, and you're starting to figure it out.

When she speaks to you, she doesn't lie, so everything she says is true. However, the way she says it and the little words she sprinkles in change the meaning entirely.

That's enough of that though, Bella wants you to think of the good times with her. The fun times, the safe times.

The times when you're lying in her warm bed, her hands snaking up your thighs, a more content look on her face. She enjoys this, enjoys you, and she'll continue to do so.

Bella has a lot of pent-up sexual aggression, so what better time to let it out than the minute you two get back from a nice dinner?

Well, that sounds just perfect, and from the way you're crying out her name, it must sound good to you too!

"Shh, Kitten. We're going to play the quiet game, and you're already losing by a lot."

This wasn't absolutely horrible was it? I'm ashamed to have wrote this, and I'm sure my co-writer is ashamed to have read through it before posting.

Anyway this character is from the game Resident Lover, it's an amazing game made by @resident-lover .

I'm marking this as spoilers in the tags, and I hope anyone who hasn't played the game after reading this plays it!

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E1

So after digesting my first watch a little bit, I'm starting my rewatch of this season and I'll share a few thoughts and reactions (and screenshots) because I can't keep it all to myself 😱

I was happy that we dived directly into the (sort of) trial and confrontation between Wilhelm, Simon and August. I do wonder how much time passed between the speech and this scene though. It sets the tone for the entire season for Wilhelm: he's gonna be alone, with no support whatsoever from his parents. He enters the room alone, his parents arrive after him and his mother doesn't even look at him... Simon arrives with his mother and August with his stepdad. But Wilhelm has to deal with the situation alone (aka how to get incredibly mad at Kristina barely 5min into the season 😤)

Simon looks so pretty and so sad. (And how did Omar manage to look even younger this season??) He wants to be done with this whole thing. Also I checked but 1.2 millions kronor is not as much as I thought it would be (it's apparently around 107 000€, which is not bad, but I was expecting more)

I see what you did there Simon 😏 (Can someone gif this scene and put it in parallel with Wilhelm seeing Simon's room for the first time and saying "cozy" in season 1? :p)

The boys coming back to the meeting: very smooth. Nobody knows what you were doing. Nop. Not at all. (We can see Linda kinda smirking when Simon sits back whereas Kristina looks like she just ate a very sour lemon). Wilhelm arranging his hair and Simon smiling at him: they might be in the middle of an important meeting and at the Palace but they're still 2 teenage boys in love (and I love them for that 💜)

Rickard looked and sounded like such an idiot in the previous seasons that I didn't expect him to actually be competent! But I guess we were mostly seeing him through August's eyes... I know Rickard said he was the best lawyer in the country but I have to admit that I thought he was just bragging ^^' Also: August is such an asshole. Did he really need to rile up Wilhelm like that? He's got quite the confidence to attack him and tell him how he just fuck things up on his own, in front of everyone like that, including the queen. Who, again, is not defending her son!! She tells them to shut up but she says nothing to August for talking like that to her son 😠

(They look like they've been called to the principal office). Kristina doesn't look at them immediately, she looks at Erik's picture on her desk first. Then she looks at August. And then finally at Wilhelm. She is so awful to him this season... Right from the start. And then she breaks down crying for Erik.

While Wilhelm holds her. I wasn't expecting to see her grieve so much this season. We didn't see that at all in season 2. Is it because she repressed all of her emotions too much? I hate that she breaks down like that just after Wilhelm publicly coming out. How can she not be there for him. I get that it must be hard to lose a son, but she still has a very alive one, who needs her.

Kristina is not getting redeemed in this season but Linda kinda is! I was super happy to see her get in mama bear's mode at the trial ^^ It was about time!! But here: I'm sorry Linda but it's not your son's role to keep you updated about what's going on in your house! You're the mother! Stop putting everything on this kid's shoulders!! Maybe he never tells you but do you ever ask??

Simon being truly angry at Sara is so good. I am so happy so he's able to feel that way and to not feel like he has to repress it, to forgive her, to help her. She did something truly bad and he's allowed to be mad. Also look at his angry lil' face 💜

In things that made me laugh: Wilhelm's reaction and face to learning that Simon is grounded all semester xD He was talking all smoothly/flirty and then his tone changes so dramatically when he realizes he won't be able to get his boyfriend in his bed very soon! Horny boy is horny (and frustrated :p)

This faaaaaace ☹

I'm happy to see that Simon still has Ayub and Rosh here to support him. I wish they would have told him that replying to comments online was a bad idea though. You know the saying kids: don't feed the trolls!!

Wilhelm looks like such a normal teenager when he gets back to his room. First time we see him so carefree. It breaks my heart to know that on the other side Simon is so unwell already.

Wilhelm waking up happy and smiling. And being just a teenager (for the first time in a very long time): thinking about his boyfriend, redrawing the heart on his hand. It's such teenager things!! My boy just wants to have a normal life... (And then he's immediately reminded that he's actually not just a regular teenager with Farima's text).

Simon's worried face when he asks about Wilhelm's initiation. You can see he's truly horrified at the idea that he might have gone through what's been described in the article.

And then it starts: the piling up of everything on Wilhelm's shoulders. First his mother looking really unwell and breaking down (even though she hasn't been said to be officially ill yet), and now the negative impact of his speech on the school... Which Vincent takes great pleasure in reminding him about.

This first episode is really good at setting things in motion. We see already the beginning of what's gonna go down during this season: Simon not feeling well, dealing with online hatred, struggling with his new place next to Wilhelm in the spotlight. And Wilhelm trying to finally live a carefree life at school with his boyfriend now that he's officially out but slowly getting crushed under the pressure of his role as Crown Prince and the increasingly obvious lack of support from his parents.

[curatoroffiction]

Overprotective Part 2

The first post of this story can be found here. The post this story was based off of can be found here.

Your words hit Lucifer like a truck. He grabs your arm, stopping you, and when you turn to yell at him, you pause when you see the visible fear and pain in his expression.

You two are soon joined by Mammon and Beelzebub standing in the doorway, having followed you in your frustration. The two arrive just in time to hear Lucifer ask you "What do you mean you hope you die?"

You didn't really mean it, you were just SO tired. So fucking tired. So done with having every little thing in your life softened and controlled.

Before you can answer, Mammon blurts out "WHAT D'YA MEAN YOU WANNA DIE!?" while Beelzebub quietly stares at you, trying to understand.

Mammon's outburst attracts everyone in the house. It's hard not to hear him.

Soon the brothers are all spilling out the door, and you think you can even see Belphegor somewhere hidden in the background.

You sigh. "… I can't keep doing this thing where you guys control every part of my life. I can barely deal with you controlling ANY part of my life." You shrug Lucifer's grip off your arm, and you finally begin to address the issue head-on.

You look to Levi; "I want to be able to watch sad movies and sad shows. I want to enjoy the angst. I want to be able to cry. It's good! It's healthy! What ISN'T healthy, is avoiding sad things all the time, like they're going to kill me!"

Levi cuts in; "But they COULD kill you!" before quickly getting quiet again, not meaning to talk over you.

You stare at him in frustration and confusion. "… What do you MEAN they can kill me?"

"Humans who watch more sad shows tend to live shorter lives.."

"…" It begins to click for you. But you also have to rectify this misinformation; "Levi, those statistics don't imply causality. If they're even real, they'd imply correlation. People who only watch sad things that are painful probably aren't living very happy lives to begin with. They're probably trying to cope through a tough reality, which would likely be the REAL cause of their shortened lifespan, in conjunction with a HUGE number of other factors."

"…"

"Watching sad shows is good, and can even help with test-running sad scenarios before they happen in a low-stakes environment, which is GOOD for emotional health and wellbeing."

"…"

"If all I ever do is watch sad shows, then yeah, maybe I need help. But that's not the same as watching a few in a rotation of other medias."

Leviathan looks rather embarrassed.

"And you!" You turn your attention towards Asmodeus. "Asmo, you can't keep trying to destress me all the time! Stop giving me creams and tinctures and your new balm of the week! I want to stay up! I want to live a little messy!"

"But those things are GOOD for you! I never push anything on you that I didn't already use myself!"

"That works FOR YOU - It's not going to work for everyone! It makes my stress WORSE when I have to adhere to your strict regimen! It's exhausting and frustrating, and it takes any joy I got out of sharing those bonding moments with you, and sucks the life out of it!"

Asmodeus realizes he never considered that you weren't enjoying being doted on. He LOVES being doted on, so he thought you would want the same thing. Looking at you now though, and realizing his behavior contributed to this stress and this problem that's coming to a head now, he feels… Not great.

As Asmodeus gets quiet, you look to Satan, who is surprised. "Satan, I get that you're worried about my health, but when you treat me like I'm not doing enough? It's so fucking insulting. Telling me to take care of my health like I'm not already doing that. Telling me the statistics of illnesses and injuries isn't useful, it's fear-mongering at best."

"I just thought that someone in this house should be wary of what can befall a human - You're all so delicate."

"But when you treat me like I'm paper, all I want to do is just tear myself apart! If I can't walk down a set of stairs without you telling me the statistics of stair-related injuries and trying to hold my hand, I'm never going to feel like I can live my life! Imagine if YOU had someone constantly walking through your room, telling you the statistics of book avalanche-related injuries, while touching all your stuff and changing everything so you can't live the way you want to!"

The contrast to his own life makes Satan double-take. He never realized he was being controlling and invasive, but your comparison brings light to how his behavior could damage your relationship. "… It would be rage-inducing."

"Exactly! And Belphegor!" Belphegor tries to hide himself, but the brothers part under your frustrated gaze, and you can see the sleep demon anxiously shifting under your scrutiny. "Belphegor, why are you avoiding me??"

"….." He's quiet, struggling to put words to everything. Beelzebub realizes his brother's been hurting, and he hasn't realized because he was so concerned with your wellbeing. Beelzebub gently rubs Belphegor's back, and Belphegor covers his face, looking away as he finally is able to get out the words; ".. I didn't want to hurt you."

His reasoning is different from everyone else's. It's reasonable in the fact that it's already happened.

Though, what DOES make it unreasonable, you have no problem telling him; "If you don't want to kill me, you're not going to! You don't kill people you don't want to! And besides, if it's a fear of accidentally hurting me, that's normal! People accidentally hurt the people they love all the time! People don't accidentally KILL the people they love all the time, and what you did to me when I first arrived in Devildom WASN'T AN ACCIDENT!"

Belphegor is silent, soaking in your explanation.

Your voice softens as you become a little less frustrated, being able to voice everything that's been bottled up inside; "SO- As long as you don't want to kill me, you're not going to. And if you accidentally hurt me? I'll heal. We'll work through it together-"

"What if I hurt you in a way you can't heal from? Demons are strong and- …" It chokes on the edge of his tongue, threatening to come out. He tries to hold it back, but he can't. "And.. I know better than anyone how easy it is to snap your neck. It was like a toothpick. Do you know how terrifying it is to realize that I have to control my strength to that level around you? All it takes is one playful shove, and you could end up in the hospital- Or worse. You're so much more delicate than you realize, and we have to be so much more careful than you realize."

It's here that a silence comes over everyone as you soak in his explanation. You never really realized how difficult it was for the demons to reign in their strength to keep you safe. You thought it was fairly breezy, since everyone else seemed so relaxed until recently.

It's your turn to feel sheepish.

".. I'm.. Sorry. I didn't know. But there has to be a middleground. You avoiding me makes me feel awful. I feel unloved and unwanted and ignored. I don't want to be safe at the cost of our relationship. And my safety shouldn't be an ultimatum."

"…." Belphegor's eyes are sad, and he's been trying to hold back the tears, but he can't. Beelzebub holds him and tries to comfort his brother.

The demon of gluttony realizes he too has been trying to control your life too, which has probably been causing you undue stress, which is probably why you ran out here in the first place. ".. I'm sorry for making your life more stressful, _. I want to keep you safe, but it's obvious that I should have talked with you about it."

The apologies start spilling as one by one, the brothers begin apologizing for controlling your life and making you feel ostracized.

Mammon doesn't apologize as he doesn't feel like he crossed any boundaries, and makes it known when Asmodeus elbows him. "Hey, I didn't cross any boundaries!"

"… I mean, trying to feed me shady vitamins out of a bag is hilarious, but also probably not exactly healthy."

"But I've been making you better food too! Packin' the nutrients in!"

"Is THAT why you learned to cook all these new dishes??"

"YEAH!"

"…" His kindness and effort were sweet, and the least invasive of the brothers' attempts to help you and prolong your life.

But those weren't the only things he was doing. "I need you to stop trying to give me protein shakes and vitamins and whatever 'health supplement' you find on the shelf. The health supplement market is really messed up. I've lowkey been avoiding most of what you give me, because there's no regulation in that market, and it actually COULD hurt me."

He's stunned. He figured some of his methods might've been a bit harmful, but he also figured he would get enough right that it would cancel all the bad stuff out.

You continue; "Can we all find a middleground? Why are you all so scared of me dying right now? Did something happen?"

Lucifer nods, having been listening; "I think a middle-ground would be better. If you're feeling stifled, that's not healthy either. And it's obvious we need to take better care of you-"

"Why do you NEED to take care of me?" You turn to Lucifer, exhaustively. It stops him in his tracks and he stares at you, confused.

"… Because you're precious to us."

"But I'm not helpless. Do you not trust me to reach out when things are getting difficult? I can advocate for myself, Lucifer! It's so demeaning when you treat me like you know better, and like I'm just some bumbling idiot who you have to keep from dying!"

The words cut deep. The last thing he ever wanted to do was to make you feel like he looked down on you. You are one of the most important people in his life, and he adores you. The fact that you haven't been able to see that causes Lucifer to become quiet as he reflects on his own behavior.

He should have reigned in his brothers. He should have given you space. He should have advocated more for giving you your own voice, not talking over you with what you should have been doing.

It all seems so clear and so obvious, but it took you speaking up for him to realize how much he's been ignoring your emotional needs in care of your physical health.

And with this whole meltdown, he's realizing that it was the breaking point.

"I too, am sorry, _. I never meant to make things more difficult for you. I love you dearly. I will be better, going forward."

You finally seem to relax as he apologizes.

But he continues; "Can we please talk about your mortality, though?"

Everyone can see it's not exactly a conversation you WANT to have. But you know it's one you need to have. ".. Okay."

Levi sputters out with his frustration first; "If you die, then I won't be able to share the rest of my life with you. There's so much that can happen when you're gone. I know you're not going to live long, and it scares me. I don't want to reach a day where I want to knock on your door to ask you to hang out, but I know you'll never answer." He's tearing up as he says this, his body physically shaking.

Asmodeus gently rests a hand on Leviathan's shoulder, looking to you, a sad expression on his face. ".. I think a lot of us share that sentiment. We want to get in as many good memories as we can, because you are such a precious, amazing, wonderful person. You are a once-in-eternity kind of person, and we will never be able to fill the hole you'll leave when you die. It's so hard to think of moving on when we've barely gotten to share a life with you."

Satan fidgets with his fingers against his leg, but he can't keep himself contained any longer, cutting in; "Solomon's here to stay forever, why can't you be too? We know it's possible. We know you could stay alive forever. The bastard says he doesn't remember what he did to curse himself with immortality, and every immortality curse I've found comes at a great cost…" He finally looks to you directly. "But all of that aside, it's hard to even broach the topic with you. Do you WANT to live forever? It would be selfish for us to ask you to carry the pain of watching every one of us die, just because we can't bear the sight of losing you. I can't bear the sight of losing you.. But it feels so selfish. And I don't want you to ever reach a point where that sorcerer is the only friend you still have left that hasn't died. …" His voice trails off in frustration, losing his train of thought to the idea of you living eternity alone with Solomon. You can see Satan's grappled with this issue for a while.

Belphegor picks up where Satan left off; "It's hard to imagine a world without you. You came into our lives, and it was like breathing for the first time in a long time. We love who we are because of you.. And I think we're all scared of who we'll become when you're gone. Losing you will be right up there with losing Lilith as the worst things we've ever experienced, and we won't have another you who can help us through it. We wouldn't WANT another you. …. But we simultaneously recognize that it's not your responsibility to help us through it."

Seeing his brothers going back and forth about their feelings, Mammon can't help but be grounded in the moment. ".. I think we wanna take responsibility for it now, because when you're gone, we're gonna hafta take responsibility for it anyways, yeah? …" He looks anywhere but directly at you. "…" His silence is hard as he chokes back the tears, trying not to fall apart in front of his brothers, but between Levi's crying and Asmo's sniffling and everyone else's pain, it's hard for Mammon to keep strong.

So Lucifer steps up to the plate. "We're sorry for pushing all of this on you, _. It shouldn't be your responsibility to help us through the pain and loss that hasn't even afflicted us yet. It's hard to talk about this without accidentally putting pressure on you to choose an eternity that could hurt you so much worse in the long run, just to keep our own heads on straight. Do you understand? We promise, it was never meant to make you feel belittled, we just.. We've never dealt with something like this before; A slow attrition of loss that we either have to accept, or find a way to fight.." He gently rubs your back, looking you in the eyes. ".. And we've never really been the kind of people to back down from a fight."

"…" It all makes sense. And hearing their hearts laid bear like this clutches at your heart. You never wanted them to feel like they couldn't come to you about this, but you understand how it got this bad. It would take facing all of their fears and letting you come to an answer at your own pace, without pressuring you. THAT'S why they tried to prolong your life without saying anything. THAT'S why they kept talking about your health. THAT'S why they kept trying to circumvent the issue.

You continue; ".. I appreciate the honesty, guys. I love you all too. I don't want to leave you guys all alone, but.. You're right. Immortality would be a huge decision. If it's even achievable. … And I understand why this all happened. I understand why you guys pushed the way you did. I think we should keep talking about this, but, taking it a little slower. That way, you guys aren't completely holding back the floodgates, but I also don't get overwhelmed. Whatever happened, whatever fate I choose for myself, I do want it to be my own decision. But I think I NEED to make that decision. I've put it off because I didn't really want to think about it, but.. I don't want to put it off until it's out of our hands."

Lucifer rubs into your back, listening. All the brothers listen.

"Until then, until I figure out if I want eternity or not, can we please go back to how things used to be? I'll do my best to take good care of myself, and advocate my needs, but I need you guys to trust me that I'm going to take care of myself and let me live a little, even if it's risky. I promise, I'm not going to be diving off the roof, but I want to be able to play games that make me sad, eat junk food that gives me pimples and might not be GREAT for my heart. I want to hang out with you guys, even if I could get hurt. I want to not be reminded of my mortality constantly, and be able to make my own choices about my own limits. I promise to be good to myself and reach out if I'm struggling, but you guys gotta promise to be willing to let me take more responsibility for my life again."

"You need some good things in your life though." Levi doesn't want his efforts to get lost in the shuffle.

"I'll make sure to set aside time to enjoy good shows with you that are happy and show how good life can be. Can you sit with me through the sad ones and help me pick up the pieces?"

Levi nods, wiping his eyes.

Asmodeus takes this chance to add; "You also need to be gentler with yourself. You can't be up at all hours of the night every night."

"I'll be good about my self-care, making sure I'm getting good sleep and relaxation. Can you love on me when I don't want to be presentable and good and I want to just throw caution to the wind sometimes when it comes to the littler self-care things? I don't want every minute I spend with you guys to be an exercise in avoiding death. I want to LIVE a little, which means we'll get messy and make some bad decisions sometimes."

"Of course. But only if you're not letting yourself fall to ruin. I don't want to watch you waste away.."

"I promise I'll reach out if I start to struggle, and I'll accept your help if that time comes."

"Thank you."

"And your health-" Satan adds, a little embarrassed, but not wanting it to go unaddressed. "You need to be wary of how dangerous this world is, and how fragile a human body is."

"I won't go throwing myself down the stairs or taking wildly unnecessary risks - So long as you let me take risks and get hurt sometimes. I'd rather you help me patch myself up after getting burned or cut than to live my life constantly cushioned." You look to him so earnestly that Satan is flustered, but he understands. Life without risk isn't exactly living.

"I think I can do that."

You look to Belphegor, who has been quiet this whole time. ".. And Belphegor, can you please be in my life again? I miss you."

"… What if I hurt you again?"

"We'll figure it out together."

"What if I can't control myself?"

"You have 6 brothers who will happily kick your entire ass if you go Human Murderer on me again. You should rely on your support system. Don't be afraid of fighting with me. We need to be able to have fights and disagree and have bad days sometimes. What matters is coming back together and making things right, and relying on our support systems so it doesn't get out of hand. Alright?"

Upon mention, his brothers quickly crowd him and hug him and hold him, reminding him that he's not alone in this. He's not alone in learning how to be better to you.

"…." Belphegor nods, tearing up again, soaking in everyone's love.

Mammon scratches his cheek as he looks to the side and adds "Since we're all talkin' about ways you can stay alive longer.. Can we come to you when we find stuff that could be an option? There's gotta be more options than forever immortality an' death, yeah? Witches stay alive for ages!"

"… Only if you don't pressure me to take it, and you let me be the ultimate decider, and you don't bombard me with stuff all the time. I don't want you coming at me with 'Prolong your life now' schemes every other day. I want to be able to live with you guys, and live the life I have, however long it's going to be. Alright?"

".. Alright." Mammon seems more comforted in the idea that he can keep looking for ways to give you more options.

Beelzebub slowly moves towards you, silently wrapping his arms around you in a hug. You hug him back. The brothers begin all coming close to hug you. Beelzebub apologizes once more; ".. We're sorry for stressing you out. Thank you for listening to us and our concerns. You're important to us. We love you."

Hugging as many of them back as you can as you're squeezed softly into the fold, you respond; "Thank you guys for talking to me about it instead of continuing to be weird and stand-offish. We'll figure it out as we go. In the meanwhile, let's make good memories."

The brothers begin heading inside, you following them.

Lucifer lags behind a little, tugging a trinket out of his pocket. It's a pendant which would keep you from aging which he picked up thinking you might like it - But considering the conversation and the boundaries you've just set, he thinks it would be best to just.. Be in the moment with you.

He stuffs it back into his pocket and comes to join the group in the house, and he opens the door just in time to hear Levi cry out "NO BUT THAT IS THE SADDEST ANIME EVER-" followed by your hallowed cackling of 'making up for lost time'. Lucifer smiles to himself.

However long they have with you, it's the greatest treasure of all.

[amethystamanda]

Peaceful Mourning

I can't be the only one who reads the buff on a sim when someone they love dies, sees that it says to mourn at a headstone or urn to feel better, and then is always disappointed when it does absolutely nothing. It's supposed to help, but it does absolutely nothing in my game, with or without mods.

This mod adds an interaction to headstones and urns that lets your sims actually feel better.

Their sad buffs decrease.

And they get a new buff that boosts the fine emotion--it's not going to make them happy, but it can bring them a little bit of peace. It may also boost positive emotions.

This does not replace the Mourning interaction. It adds a new one. If you ever want your sims to feel sad about the death of their loved one again (or any sim, really) use the regular Mourn interaction. It's possible to have buffs from both interactions at the same time, but if you use the Mourn to Feel at Peace interaction, it will decrease the duration of all sad buffs, whatever their origin, as long as they are able to decrease. (In other words, don't count on mourning helping with teen mood swings.)

It's an autonomous interaction, the same as the in-game mourning I based it off of. I've never found that one to be spammy, so I left it on. It uses the default crying animation, because I am not and have no desire to be an animator.

It works for toddler to elder sims, and for cats and dogs, on human/occult headstones/urns, and for cats and dogs on cat and dog headstones, but not for human sims on cat or dog headstones/urns, and not for horses or horse headstones or urns at all. That's not a choice, it's just how it is. I don't know why pet headstones are different, and I cannot find any mourning interaction for horses on any headstone, just the autonomous mourning they do when someone dies.

The interaction requires at least 30-35 positive friendship (green, not red) for human sims. I'm assuming that most people don't find peace mourning people they barely know or who they dislike. For cats and dogs, the scale is slightly different, and I'm not sure what the exact number is. 50 seemed to work in my testing, but lower may also work.

It counts for the Remembrance holiday tradition if you have Seasons.

(Poor, poor randomly generated in CAS sim whose name I don't know. So many sims died in the making of this mod.)

There are three different strengths, 3x (just a little help, takes 16 hours of constant mourning to run out the 2 day buff that most sims get in an unmodded game), 6x (takes 8 hours of constant non-stop mourning), and the cheaty 12x (takes 4 hours to run through the 2 day buff). How long it actually takes depends on how much you use it, your sim's traits, and your other mods--I once had a sim with a 12-day mourning buff, so that would take a while.

Something that came up in testing: if you're mourning to find peace and stop, the time will increase again. This is normal, and happens if you do things like give yourself a pep talk too. The timer assumes that you will continue doing what you're doing, and when you stop, the timer adjusts. It will have taken a chunk of time out of the total while you were using the interaction.

PICK ONE VERSION!

REQUIRES LOT 51'S CORE LIBRARY! https://lot51.cc/core

Base Game Compatible

There are custom strings. This is my first time creating custom strings. Everything should show up in English in all games. If you have blank text, please let me know. If you want to offer a translation, please also let me know, so I can include it or link to it.

Compatible with It’s All Grave-Y Customizable Graves by Ravasheen https://ravasheen.com/download/its-all-grave-y-customizable-graves/

Not compatible with custom headstones and urns from with Happy Haunts by Chipped Sims -- nothing will break, feel free to use them together, but my interaction won't show up on the items from that mod.

Incompatible with Mortem in weird ways--it seems to make the mourning buff disappear when at a funeral, which I don't understand, but it is what it is. Please don't try to use them together.

If you have any other functional cc headstone/urn replacements that let you add passed sims to them, they may or may not be compatible, depending on which tags they use. If they're not, let me know, and I'll reach out to the creator and see if they mind me making my mod compatible. Headstones/urns that are purely decorative and don't have the regular mourning interactions will not be compatible.

Thanks so much to 𝐸-𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘒𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘢, BRi, and Vee for testing the mod. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

July 24, 2024: Cleared for patch 1.108.318, and added compatibility with Happy Haunts by Chipped Sims

Download (Pick one version please): http://simfileshare.net/folder/220760/

[kdinjenzen]

Now I'm curious WRT how 'Barbie' didn't hit for you.

I’ll say this first. If you liked the movie, I’m happy for you and I’m not here to tell you to hate the movie. I’m glad you enjoyed it and hope you continue to enjoy it.

That said… this movie was NOT for me and I did not enjoy its story at all. I loved the set design, costume design, the performances, the music, the dedication to creating the world, all that stuff was great.

The plot itself. It felt circular without actually purposefully dealing with the issues it tried to talk about.

The fact that Doctor Barbie, who is trans, is the one who is told to “go seduce Ken by telling him you feel don’t feel pretty” - as if this isn’t something that leads to violence toward trans women in the real world and also why her to be the one who doesn’t feel pretty? Wtf?

The Kens of Barbieland are basically all losers, are grossly incompetent compared to Barbie, treated poorly, and our main Ken (aka Beach Ken) has severe self worth issues… so naturally all the Kens become the villains and are able to overthrow all of Barbieland later on in the movie by doing …. they never explain how. Somehow a world full of, and built by, the most capable women ever are overthrown by like 20 dudes who they treated poorly and who aren’t very smart. Beach Ken’s root problems are only barely resolved and none of it feels meaningful.

Gloria and Sasha, the human characters who work with Barbie to fix Barbieland, are just as much caricatures and tropes as Barbie herself. Sasha, the daughter, is a mean Gen Z who just openly lashes out at Barbie (a stranger), and everyone else who is actually nice to her, for no reason. Gloria is “a sad mom who pretends to be happy” but they never explain why at all, it’s assumed that it’s because “she lives in a patriarchy”, but the only person who’s directly mean to her in the film is… her daughter.

Gloria gives a speech to each Barbie, individually, to snap them out of the Ken’s brainwashing (which like AGAIN how did that happen? It makes no sense at all and just confuses me) - the speeches are not empowering at all, they’re just about how women in the real world suffer a double standard on how to exist and SOMEHOW with all those depressing revelations thrown at them it… restores their self-confidence/self-worth and undoes the brainwashing?

Weird Barbie, whom everyone says is ugly and gross and they have violent “EW!!!” reactions to her face, is played by Kate FUCKING McKinnon. Meanwhile Stereotypical Barbie, while having an ugly cry breakdown about (again) not being pretty anymore, is played by Margot FUCKING Robbie. A fact that the movie points out as “the wrong casting choice to have this scene and cast Margot Robbie as Barbie saying she’s ugly.”

I heard so much about how it was a “queer positive movie” but there’s nothing queer about nor really in the movie. So it got to cling to the rainbow and scream “allyship” and everyone praised it for essentially doing nothing.

Everyone is like… mean? Everything feels so mean and mean spirited. It’s supposed to be very tongue in cheek, very snappy and quick, and everyone has a comeback for every situation but… it just really feels like everyone is just being mean for the sake of being mean and it makes moments where you’re supposed to feel sympathy for any character just drop immediately when they say the rudest shit ever for literally no reason.

They talk about Midge, aka the pregnant woman in the Barbie line, and then say “no don’t look at her anymore, she’s weird and creepy” … which AGAIN feels like that statement undercuts the point of women empowerment that the movie wants you to take away from watching the film?

It tries to balance jokes and seriousness in a way that undercuts the message of “society is kind fucked up and broken” that they’re trying to talk about. The “good guys” are also constantly mistreating other people, the “Barbieland bad guys” became bad by going to the real world and leaning “patriarchy”, the “Real world bad guys” literally do nothing except take up movie time for random gags and really don’t service the plot at all, and as much as it’s like “TAKE THAT MAJOR CORPORATION” at every turn… the movie was fully approved by Warner Bros Discovery AND Mattel… so it’s never actually going to say anything worthwhile about corporate greed and corruption without putting on kiddie gloves to do so.

The only person who I felt true sympathy for, understood their reasoning, and felt they deserved a happy ending was ALLAN, aka Ken’s Best Friend, who is treated equally like shit by basically everyone in the film. Allan points out that Barbieland and the Real World both kinda suck, how life is only just slightly more miserable there after the Ken’s took over, and how he just “wants to run away” and when given the chance does so, only to defend Sasha and Gloria from a bunch of Ken’s single handedly and telling them to “get out while they can”… and then is subsequently brought back to Barbieland by Sasha and Gloria to fix everything and… AGAIN none of this pays off because Allan’s purpose is dropped immediately when they get back to Barbieland. And Allan is played by MICHEAL CERA. I feel like I’m losing my mind at this point.

It feels like the movie wants to talk about the issues women face in all walks of life, but is never able to punch hard enough to make that message matter nor stick. It talks around gender issues, self worth issues, and problems in society without actually saying something real about them. The meanness of all the dialogue makes me really not care about pretty much anyone in the movie because… man I’m just so fucking tired of everything and everyone having to be “mean” in movies to prove a point.

The movie ends with a gynecologist appointment.

I dunno what to tell you. The plot is “not for me” and I didn’t really connect with anything.

The movie just made me sad and disconnected because of how much everyone praised it, saying it “made me proud to be a woman” or “it’s inventive, immaculately crafted and surprising mainstream films in recent memory - a testament to what can be achieved within even the deepest bowels of capitalism.”

And it didn’t feel like that for me at all.

Maybe it’s because of all the “that’s womanhood” talk throughout the movie. Because I’ve had so many women in power give me that speech after I came out as trans only to be abused directly by them in the same way that they said men abused them all while I was still ALSO being abused by the same men who abused them too. So like YIPPEE this fucking SUCKS and it was kinda trauma triggering!!

Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in the entertainment industry for 17+ years and know how stuff like this gets made and how many corporate approvals you need for it to make the “take THAT major corporations and CEOs!” jokes land like a dead fish on the floor. The people they are directly calling out said “yes, this level of joke at the expense of our richness and power is okay” and that’s the ONLY reason any of those moments are in the movie. So it doesn’t even really fucking matter, it’s all manufactured, it’s all there to make you feel like it’s doing something when the people with all the power just allowed it to happen. It’s not a “win” or a “heavy blow to their ego”, they literally don’t care.

So I DUNNO, this movie kinda just made me feel depressed and made me remember how badly I had been treated by people after coming out regardless of that person’s gender. The movie felt mean in a way that was too “on the nose” and real for me but then praised most of the characters for their mean actions or words.

[lowkeyrobin]

Oneshot where reader is Stevie's Older sibling and it gets angsty cause of the car crash and Stevie fucking DIES which then leads to reader basically lashing out on both their mom and beother and then blames fuckshit and is basically screaming because stevie was basically their child and is just crying over Stevie's body🧍(I made this too angsty for no reason...)

-♣️

you're crazy for this wth. ; listen to is it really you by loathe for this one ; also happy birthday to me!!! I'm 16 now 😔🙏

STEVIE ; is it really you?

summary ; in the crash, your little brother stevie is killed

warnings ; language, sexual jokes/innuendos, car crash, death, fighting

disclaimers ; no romance/all platonic, no established relationship other than siblingship between reader and stevie ; reader and stevie have different fathers obviously so you can look whatever you want to look like

track ; is it really you?, loathe

word count ; 2.6k

masterlist

"C'mon, c'mon! You can do it!"

"Oh my God, I did it!"

"You fucking did it!"

"I did it!"

Stevie runs to you, pummeling you into a hug. You spin him around, his feet of the ground as he laughs and smiles.

"You did it! I told you that you could!"

"I did it!"

He was able to figure out how to balance himself on his hand-me-down boogie board from Ian. He'd been practicing on the side of the road basically all night, trying to figure out how to ride it and not fall off within five seconds.

He looks up at you, a smile painting his face. His bare chest is sweaty, his little prepubescent body heaving as he begs his lungs for air. He hugs you again, burying his face in your chest, as he's much smaller than you.

"Thank you" He mumbles

"For what?" You ask, an eyebrow raised in confusion as you pat his back, just under his left shoulder blade. "You're the one who did it"

"For believing in me, and taking care of me" He answers, looking up at you again. "Love you"

"Love you too, kiddo"

"Ew, don't call me that" He chuckles.

"Sorry, I un-hipped myself. I'm not a cool kid anymore." You dramatically sigh, throwing your hands up in defense.

"You're so weird"

"Don't say that to the one who feeds and clothes you, little man"

"Don't be such a dick, Ian" You grumble, pouring some milk into your bowl of cereal. "We all know it was you"

"Shut the fuck up!" He whisper-shouts, like your mother would ever believe his word over yours or your youngest brother's. "Who eats cereal for dinner at nine?"

"Me, because I have a job, Ian. You should invest in one. Use your time wisely." You reply, an attitude lacing your each and every word.

"Shut the fuck u-"

"I'm paying for that dumbass field trip, pal. Close your mouth." You sternly speak, getting him to effectively shut up.

Your mother turns back to him and sends Stevie into the kitchen with you. You can hear her quietly scolding and grounding him, which he tries to fight and continue blaming Stevie to no avail.

You give the little boy a smile, "How's your day?"

"Good." He smiles, "I met these guys at the skate shop on fifth. I didn't skate or anything, but I think they like me."

"Awe, that's good, Stevie." You lightly smile, holding the milk up in a questionable form with a look on your face, silently asking if he wanted any. "Did I tell you about that chick Angela that I work with?"

He nods to the cereal, then shakes his head to the question.

"Oh my God, okay, so there's this kid... ugh.." You reach up in the cabinet for another bowl while he sits down at the table. "I dunno his name, but she's got some crush on him and will never shut up about it. Like, I'm not your friend, you probably would've bullied me if I was your age"

"Wasn't she the girl who stole your lunch?" Stevie asks.

"Yes! And I'm still mad about it"

You serve Stevie his cereal and head to bed once you're done, having been exhausted by your day at work, plus you had to get up early for a double.

You're awoken from your slumber around 11:30, hearing some sort of grunting across the hall. These walls were paper thin. You were praying it wasn't your mom in her room with some random man again. But these didn't sound like pleasurable sounds, they sounded painful.

You slowly raise your head from your pillow, confusion hitting you like a brick at this hour. The next grunt is louder, leading your suspicion that the sound was coming from your mom's room to be false. You stand up, walk out into the hall, and determine the location of the sound was in Stevie's room.

"You better not be jerking it this loudly, dude," you think, slowly and quietly placing your hand on the doorknob.

You push the door open and look over at Stevie's bed, a mattress on the floor. You see Ian over Stevie, repetitively punching him in the stomach.

"What the fuck?" You exclaim, "Ian! Get the fuck off of him!"

You rush to the youngest boy's aid, pulling the older boy off of him. Ian fights back, the both of you tussling in the middle of the bedroom. He yells in pain as you punch him in the nose, and Stevie runs up to try and separate you two. Your mother then runs in, probably having been awoken by your shouting.

She pulls you away from Ian and you see Stevie fall back onto his bed, clearly scared.

"What in the hell is going on in here?!"

"Mom, calm down-"

"I'm not calming down! Your brother is being given drugs by a group of older boys, probably your age!" She yells, her hand tightly gripping around Stevie's wrist.

"Mom, I'll go down there myself, you're gonna be late"

"No, you're not! You do everything to keep him out of facing the consequences of his actions. He's not going back there again!" She exclaims, pulling him toward the door.

"Make her listen to you" You whisper to him.

You watch the front door slam shut, leaving you and Ian alone in the home. You walk back to your room and grab your keys and wallet, preparing to go to work.

You look out the window, seeing your mom pulling out of the driveway, Stevie in the passengers seat with the most miserable look on his face.

"Christ, Stevie"

He didn't come home that night, but you wouldn't have known since you were working the graveyard shift. Even the next day, you hadn't heard from him at all. You just hoped that he was out skating with his friends, and making good decisions.

You had the day off, thank God. You decided to make dinner before any of the three came home from work or hanging out with friends. By five, you passed out on the couch thanks to the night shift and your exhaustion, plus the melatonin you'd taken to stay asleep.

At one in the morning, you're ripped from your sleep as the phone rings. You groan as it rings again, and stand up to answer whoever oh-so-desperately needed you at this God forsaken hour.

You pick up the phone and hold it to your ear, the sleep inside your brain about to consume you "Suljic residence"

"Hello, is this... Dabney Suljic?"

"Uh, no. This is her eldest kid, I can leave a message?"

"We'd prefer if you or she could come down to the hospital. You can get a hold of your mother here, Stevie was in an accident with some friends. We need papers signed by a legal adult and/or guardian"

Your eyes widen, your brain immediately waking up. 'What? Holy shit, is he okay?"

The man urges you to get down to the hospital, which you do after shoving shoes onto your feet and grabbing a jacket. Every minute that passed felt like an hour, an hour that you could be missing of your little brother's last breathes. You just wanted him to be okay, even if he was hooked up to machines forcing him to breathe and for his heart to keep pumping just a little longer.

You quickly speed through the automatic doors of the building and run to the reception desk, asking where he is and what happened. Apparently, the boys he'd been telling you about had been giving him drugs and alcohol, and the driver, at least, was driving under the influence, and the car flipped.

Now, your brother was living off of life support.

You weren't able to see him, and had to sit in the waiting room. You used every single quarter you had in your car to urgently call your mom, calling around at all her jobs, the home phone, the bar, even. With no answer after ringing the home phone again, and with no quarters left, you sit down, your leg bouncing like crazy.

Your head rests in your hands, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Your brother, basically your own son, was laying in the ER, and you had no idea of the extent to his injuries.

You watch the other boys, his friends, you guessed, walk out of the elevator, and come down to the waiting room. You sit next to the payphone and hope for any call to ring at the front desk, hoping it was your mom, or even Ian for all you cared.

The group of boys sit a little ways away from you, scratches and bruises littering their bodies. You walk back out to your car and scrape a few quarters from your middle console and rush back in, dialing the home phone again.

No answer.

408-299-2929

Finally, a fucking answer.

"Mom? Ian?"

"It's Mom, are you okay, Y/n?" Your mom asks.

"Did you not hear me call the phone fourteen fucking times?" You ask, "Fuck, Stevie is in the hospital. Get down here ASAP, please"

You hang the phone up and sit back down, leaving the spare quarters on top of the machine for others to use. You notice the boys all looking at you, considering your little outburst.

"Sorry," you mumble to them, leaning back in the plastic seat, eyes still on the floor.

"What do you mean he's dead?"

"He's gone, Y/n" Your mother speaks to you, tears falling down her cheeks.

Ian rushes out of the room, headed toward the bathroom, hopefully to have some empathy for once.

You look back at Stevie, laying lifeless in the hospital bed. He looks so peaceful, even with tubes running down his throat and wires stuck to his chest. His chest isn't rising slowly anymore like he was just asleep, he was just... there.

Dabney steps out of the way, as you'd been asleep when he flatlined, due to your exhaustion and overwhelming anxiety. You slowly stagger into the room, having it all to yourself.

The boys outside watch as you step in, shame and disappointment painting their eyes. The curly haired blonde is obviously the most shameful, being in himself for causing this. He'd hurt not only Stevie but Dabney, Ian, and you as well.

You stand next to the little boy's bed, and take a long look at his lifeless body. A hand runs through his fluffy brown hair, which circles down to rest behind his ear and on his jawline.

Tears fall from your eyes as you lean down, your other hand resting under his jaw.

What kind of last words were "make her listen to you"? He deserved better, especially from you.

"I love you, Stevie. I'm so proud of you. I'm-" You choke on your sobs, "I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you coming home and telling me all about your day, and going to the fair with you, and buying you snacks at the gas station"

He doesn't answer, his body becoming colder and much more pale over time.

"I'm never going to forget you, okay? Everywhere I go, everything I do, you'll be there. You'll see the world and what it had to offer you, kiddo."

You hug his cold body, wanting to imagine his arms happily wrapping around you again like he just successfully did his first kickflip again. But he never wraps his arms around you with a smile. His laughter only echoes in your mind.

You pull away and place a kiss on his forehead like you did when he was little, when you'd tuck him into bed all the way up til he was ten or so.

"Goodnight, I love you"

Not adding the "see you tomorrow" shattered your heart into a million pieces as you stepped outside, trying to keep your tears contained.

You wrap your arms around your mom, seeing her still crying as she was waiting for you. She gives you a little nod, needing to sign a million papers confirming his death and plans for everything else.

You sit down where you were at earlier, seeing the group of boys looking at you. The first to approach you is a dark-skinned boy with locs, wearing a blue hoodie and dark pants.

"Are you Y/n?" He asks softly, sitting next to you.

You nod.

"Sunburn told us a lot about you. I'm sorry for your loss"

"It's okay" You nod, wiping the tears from your eyes while you could. "Uhm, sorry, who are you?"

"Oh, he was uh, friends with us. Skate group," He clarifies. "My name's Ray"

"What... happened?" You ask him, "Like, what was his last day like" You speak quietly, almost too scared to hear it.

"Uhm, your mom brought him over to Motorz, went all crazy about drugs and the fingering-"

"Fingering?" You ask with confusion.

"Uh, I'll tell you about that another time, yeah?"

You nod, begging for him to continue.

"I talked to him for a while after he was done throwing his board around all upset. We skated til maybe ten, fell asleep on a fountain, and used our boards as pillows. Next morning, we went back to get with the others and go to a skater meetup type thing. A bunch of skaters and friends meet up to do drugs, smoke, drink and shit."

You nod, fidgeting with your fingers a bit.

"He got mad fucked up, thank Fuckshit" He mumbles, glaring at the curly haired blonde a few feet away. "Uh, got in a little fight with Ruben" He points over at a boy in a grey sweatshirt, hair buzzed. "Uh, got him to chill out with Fourthgrade for a while til the sun set" He looks back at another boy, about his age, with bleached hair and some pink streaks in it.

"Is that when...?"

He nods. "I tried to just get Fuckshit to take everyone home, we were all miserable, he wouldn't listen. He could barely keep his eyes open, and..."

You nod. "Thank you. I needed to hear it in detail, they wouldn't tell me shit"

He nods again, rubbing your shoulder as a sign of comfort. You could tell he'd gone through something similar like this, it was all spoken in his heartbroken eyes.

Fuckshit walks over, a look of self shame, regret, and sadness in his eyes. "Sorry, I'm Fuckshit. I just wanted to say sorry for your loss, and I wanted to share my condolences. " He speaks, hands tucked away in his pockets. He's clearly nervous, yet taking in your look as he'd never met the infamous Y/n that Stevie always talked about.

"He talked about you a lot, he really loved you, man. I'm so sorry-"

"Sorry for what?" You ask with a snarky tone. "Sorry for killing my brother? Sorry for taking away the only thing that kept me functioning in this fucked up world?"

He steps back a bit, not speaking for himself. He didn't want to cause any trouble, especially after what he did. His head hangs low as all of the boys look at him. Ray looks nearly disgusted.

"You're the kid who killed my brother?" You ask, standing up quickly as Ray follows your actions, trying to de-escalate the situation as much as he could.

Fuckshit solemnly nods.

"Go fuck yourself. I hope you learned your lesson, Fuckhead" You spit, quickly making your way toward the doors to go sit in your car and sob at eight in the morning.

Ray gives Fuckshit a gross look and a shake of the head before chasing after you, wanting to make sure you were alright. Fourthgrade sits quietly in his seat, fidgeting with his camera while Ruben next to him bites at his nails.

"Shit..."

[always-sleeepy-headd]

Happy Birthday, Your Present Is Angst Because I'm Tired and Kinda Emo Inside

This was written for Cross's birthday ages ago and I'm only now posting it lol (Sorry!)

Summary:

It's Cross's birthday today, he wants to forget and he tries his hardest too. Although it never seems to work and just leaves him with more scars and more pain.

Cross is beginning to love that pain.

Notes:

Cross burns himself so if you don't think you can handle that I just wanted to let you know.

Also he purges and I know that's a sore spot for a lot of people including myself but I'm tiny bit of a masochist lol (I actually enjoy writing about things that have happened to me or to someone dear to me and projecting on my poor Crossyboo 😔✊)

Don't purge guys, it's not good and can seriously damage your body, and if you have before, I got you babes everything will be alright <3

Even if you're just going through a tough time right now remember everything is temporary, you and I, the world, sadness, you name it, we'll all make it through if we keep trudging on!

_________

Cross wasn't the type for celebrations, it made him nervous and want to hide under something while everyone just chatted it up like they weren't all dead.

He was sure nobody knew this year though, just like the last, and the one before that. A third unnoticed birthday is what he was hoping for when he checked the time this morning, he could go on with his usual day and hopefully not pass out again.

That was really close with Nightmare the other day, he was out training for an especially excessive time and Nightmare came in and had told him to take a break and Cross had barely registered him.

He had turned to the noise but all he heard was a ringing in his ears, he heard Nightmare's voice a second time and he was able to make it out then, "And take a shower or something."

As soon as he heard the door close he had stumbled and blacked out, it was only for barely a minute thankfully. When he got up he found himself on the floor and his heart beating quickly, thank the skies nobody had come in just then.

He had eventually managed to get up and take a shower before being called down to eat dinner, it was a very strange tradition for someone like the Bad Sanses, they always ate meals together. But honestly if you really think about it it makes sense, Horror needed to know everyone was eating, he could go into panic mode if not.

It also made it easier to figure out if something was wrong with someone, that's one of the reasons meals were dreaded in Cross's mind.

That and the fact he can barely handle eating the food, much less keeping it down, and don't get him wrong, Horror's an amazing cook... he just can't. Especially when he's already frustrated with himself.

He barely made it though dinner, Nightmare gave him a few looks but he must have chalked whatever it was up to low self worth and Cross overworking himself, which was what Nightmare thought were the only things wrong with Cross, making it so much easier for him to do what he does next.

Cross's nightly routine always starts hunched over a toilet throwing up his insides and silently crying while doing so, this was easy to do without Nightmare noticing because Dust almost always had at least a small freak out during this time of evening.

Then when he's done throwing up anything and everything he's eaten and kept down he collapses onto the floor and desperately rummages through his box of 'special' things, pulling out a lighter and lighting it across his bone.

The intensity of the heat calms him while at the same time making him restless, he needed something, something.

Anything.

He would burn and burn and he would even shed a few tears at the pain, just to do it again just to feel the heat of reality mix with fiction.

It was like a dream.

A terrible, awful, dream.

That would eventually bring him to today, he was putting on his overly complicated outfit again and would stare into the mirror as he splashed water on his face.

It was cold.

He wanted heat.

The pain of his burns hurt, he wanted more, more, anything for feeling and control, he would run them under cold water and this was the time of day Chara would say something to him. Chara would run off away from him to look for Killer to watch him play video games or mess with the others.

It was always along the lines of, "Cross, this is seriously getting bad," Or, "I think you should let that heal at least before doing it again..."

Cross didn't trust those words, not from Chara, not from anyone.

He walks down the stairs only to see an unhappy Nightmare and a on the verge of a panic attack Dust.

That was not a great thing to start his morning with, oh well he'll just ignore it at least means the attention will stay far away from him this morning.

Cross doesn't bother a good morning, he didn't feel like speaking. Nor did he really ever but that's life.

He walks into the kitchen to see how Horror's doing as he does every morning but Horror seems quite on nerve so Cross doesn't walk too far into the kitchen, it was a small gesture but very much noticed by the big guy.

"Good... morning Cross," Horror starts, sounding a little on edge, "The boss told me to keep everybody occupied this morning... although I know you usually train.. I was wondering if you'd help me out...?" He asks.

Cross was startled but he would never say no to someone asking for help, it's a habit he could never sway, he nodded but in a more 'are you sure?' way.

"Thanks... I asked Killer but... you know how he is..." Horror says, shuffling around, seemingly understanding Cross's not speaking as him not being up to conversation and handing him a bowl and some chocolate.

Cross gives him a questioning look, "Just... heat up the chocolate so it melts..."

"A-" Cross attempts but his voice fails him, "I- Is there a specific reason that I'm heating up... chocolate...?" Cross asks, they didn't usually even have chocolate in the house, let alone anything sugary but it seems Horror either had a stash or got this special to make something.

"Wanted... to make something." That was enough for Cross, he didn't care to question it any further, besides he really just wanted to get Horror's approval.

Cross, without a word, easily heated up the chocolate over the stove, it began to bring back memories of his AU he didn't want surfaced.

The sound of laughter, the taste of chocolate in his mouth, his arms didn't hurt, the worst he felt was a little sore. Speaking to everyone, not holding his tongue, no, actually feeling the urge to speak real words out loud.

The smell of chocolate cake, kind words he'll never hear again-

His palm burning.

Cross blinked in surprise and lifted his arm off of the stove quickly, he had accidentally set it down on the burner and hadn't noticed, the feeling already so normal to him.

Horror looked over at the sudden movement and asked him what was wrong.

Cross didn't respond.

The words were so caught in his throat, they refused to leave, he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to-

"Cross." He hears a powerful and commanding voice that was unmistakably Nightmare's.

Still he didn't speak but his hand fell from where he was apparently clutching it.

"Is something upsetting you Cross? I can feel your emotions you know, so it would be best not to lie, I will know." Nightmare asks, Cross barely understanding.

Nightmare wanted him to speak.

He didn't want to speak.

He turned towards Nightmare, but still he couldn't even manage to get his mouth open.

"Cross, respond to me." He says and Cross could barely even think, his brain suddenly filled with images of his family's death.

A death of his own, maybe.

And then, his lack of food and therefore energy caught up to him yet again, he stumbled and then blacked out.

...

When he awoke he lay on the couch with a damp washcloth on his head and a bandaged hand, he almost panicked but realized his arms had no such care, Nightmare hadn't felt the need to check for other injuries thank gods.

Cross sat up and took the washcloth off of his head, staring at his hand for a moment before a smell hit his nose.

Chocolate cake.

He couldn't handle this, not right now, not ever.

It was his birthday, a day that he dreaded every year now, October 10th, the day Cross was born.

A day he considers to be the worst day of his life.

Celebration was no more, he needed a way out, he needed to get his frustration out, he needed to burn every piece of bone on his body until it was unusable, then use it anyway.

"Cross, you're awake." Nightmare says, startling slightly.

Cross didn't say a word.

"What's going on, you've been strange all week, more so than normal. Your little nightly negativity bursts have been getting larger and more prevalent every night, I think now is when I interfere." He sighs and Cross almost gasps, Nightmare knew something was wrong.

He didn't want to speak, his body would not let him.

He wanted to cry, his body could not.

He wanted to burn, he wanted to burn, he wanted to burn, he wanted to burn-

"Cross. Are you listening to me?" Nightmare's voice suddenly bursts through his thoughts of self harm. "Cross I'm not kidding, have you suddenly gone mute?" Nightmare says, his voice turning stern but softening a second later, "I promise I won't judge if something is bothering you."

Cross manages to open his mouth this time, nothing comes out though. So he closes it, unsaid words threatening to spill out now and that scares him more than not being able to get anything out.

Nightmare sighs, "At least tell me what happened, Horror was terrified..." Nightmare mumbles.

Cross opens his mouth again, but this time it worked, "I... got distracted..." He manages to mumble, his voice hoarse from little use.

Nightmare sighs again, "Distracted how? You end up with a burn on your palm, which you should have noticed right away if you had your hand on the burner by the way, that's really weird and you might need to figure out what that is supposed to mean, Horror is concerned you haven't been eating enough and passed out due to lack of malnourishment, although I'm going to guess it was overexertion, but then again you just woke up-" Nightmare sighs a third time, "My point is, what the hell got you so upset?"

"Ch-" Cross coughs slightly, rubbing his throat, "Chocolate..." He muttered, "The smell reminded me of something."

"...Oh boy." Nightmare says, realizing this was probably a mistake.

"...What...?" Cross mumbles.

"I think I should just show you, follow me." Nightmare says, gesturing to a door.

Cross got up and followed Nightmare without a beat, anything to get his mind off of his-

...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY CROSS!" Mostly Killer yells, Cross is suddenly hit with a dump truck of emotions.

"I- I- H- How- I don't-" Cross whispers just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You told me one time when I was upset about something." Dust says, who happens to be covered in colorful streamers.

"And you told me when I was half asleep!" Killer yells excitedly, he's covered in silly string and Cross realizes that Nightmare has a tiny piece of it on his shoulder.

This made him cry.

He didn't cry in front of others, it was so taboo in his brain.

It wasn't sobs, it was just tears, he barely changed expressions.

Everyone looked startled, they had been expecting Cross to say they didn't need to or maybe even get a small smile out of him, not tears.

Killer immediately ran over when he realized what was going on, "Hey, hey, what's wrong? I thought birthday parties were supposed to be happy?"

Cross couldn't explain so it came out in sobs, Killer grabbing onto him while Cross cried on his shoulder.

Killer caught Nightmare's gaze and gave him a panicked look and Nightmare just shook his head.

...

Once Cross had calmed down and there were just occasional sniffles every now and then, they had moved one of the couches, "So... is this why you've been acting strange this whole week then?" Nightmare asks.

"S- Sorry." Cross mumbles.

"Do not apologize for things you are not at fault for."

"Sor- uh."

"Poor Crossy baby, he can't stop being a people pleaser~" Killer says, smooshing his face against Cross's in a manner that could be taken as mocking but Cross knows Killer well enough to know it isn't, still doesn't stop him from shoving him off though.

Killer is undeterred, he just hugs onto Cross harder.

"...Are you... okay?" Horror asks, looking worried.

"...Yeah. I'll live." Cross mumbles an 'unfortunately' afterword that only Killer and Nightmare could hear, Killer squeezed a little tighter at hearing that.

"Why did you pass out...? Do you... know?" Horror asks.

"..." Cross can't bring himself to tell them the way he treats himself when they aren't looking.

"You do know, don't you?" Nightmare asks, his tone only slightly accusing, Cross flinches either way.

"Criss-Cross, are you doing something to yourself?" Killer asks.

"Yes." Is the only word that Cross can manage to get out of his mouth, everyone's frown deepens at the sound of it.

"What...? If I may ask." Nightmare says, even though it sounds like you have a choice, you'll have to tell him anyway, he'll just ask you when nobody is around.

"I can barely eat..." Cross whispers, "And when I manage too, I throw it all up, I can't keep food down anymore, I don't even need to make myself throw up anymore... I can do it on command."

"...What?" Horror says, looking horrified.

"I'm sorry..." Cross says and his voice starts to waver, tears threatening to spill again.

Suddenly Chara's voice pops in, "What about your arms?" They say, "I know you already told them some of your bullshit but every morning when I see them they get worse."

"That's not... the only thing..." Cross mumbles, clutching at his sleeves.

"Of course it isn't." Nightmare sighs.

"..." Cross slowly rolls up his sleeves and a series of gasps and exclaims are heard, one from Nightmare as well.

"W- What the hell are you even doing???" Dust asks, his horror not even hidden.

"Burning." Cross says.

"... How much is there?" Nightmare asks.

"All over my whole body... but mostly my arms." Cross says, wincing.

"I- I don't even know-" Nightmare says, seemingly astonished. "You know what? Come here, let me heal you."

...

Cross was super embarrassed the entire time Nightmare was healing despite Nightmare telling him that it was fine over and over.

It... went away.

The burn is gone.

He needs the burn, the painfully awful heat on his bones to stab at his regret and shove it so deep down it disappears momentarily.

Nightmare notices his... unhealthy... thoughts and lets out a frustrated sigh, "Cross, you do know you're definitely not allowed around lighters anymore right?"

"Okay." Cross says, his emotionless stature coming back, but Nightmare, being so close to him, could feel the addiction in his aura, the temptation and pain that Cross was so good at hiding.

Nightmare frowns at this.

"Come on, I thought we hit something and you wouldn't be an emotionless robot around us anymore." Killer grumbles and Nightmare sends a glare his way, Cross knew Killer was actually worried about him though.

Throughout his entire time at Nightmare's he's seen everyone but Nightmare cry before, Nightmare obviously has his own problems though, he's seen him flinch when he gets glared at or Killer and Dust's roughhousing gets a little too close to him and a hand goes up near him.

They never seem to notice though, they just keep going and Nightmare will sigh and tell them to be nice and that he's going to take a nap. He never does though, he goes and sits in his library and reads what are 'not' romance novels. Cross had seen it himself, Nightmare was reading a book that Cross had read and of what he remembers it was all schmoopy feelings and smut.

He leaned over and said, "Whatcha reading there?" He giggles as Nightmare flinches and turns his head around quickly, his face turning extremely confused as it was not normal for Cross to act like this at all.

"Sorry about startling you, I just recognized the book you were reading." Cross says, holding back giggles.

The horror that showed on Nightmare's face when he said that was unmatchable with anyone he's ever seen die at the hands of any of them.

"You. Didn't. See. Shit. You hear me?" Nightmare had said, Cross replying with a thumbs up and giggling a little.

Nightmare was interesting, although seeing Killer cry was the craziest thing Cross thinks has ever happened.

Killer was supposed to be emotionless, he wasn't supposed to feel anything at all.

And the funny thing about it was that Killer wasn't crying about regret, or his own sadness, or even for someone dead.

Killer was crying about a fake comic about two cats.

Nightmare's face when he heard Killer's sobs in the corner of the room was completely shocked, Killer per usual was sitting on the bright pink beanbag in the corner of the room that had been there as long as Cross has and longer.

As it was just Cross, Killer and Nightmare home at the time, they both had looked over immediately and seen Killer sobbing over his phone, Nightmare had run over as quickly as he could and asked what was wrong.

"The cat dieddd!" Killer responds, sobbing into Nightmare's shoulder.

"...What?" Nightmare had said, confused as ever.

This was also the first time Cross had heard of Color, apparently Color had sent Killer a link to this super cute cat comic about two cats who were siblings but then a human killed on of them near the end of the comic, Color had also apparently sent that 'watch this being back your emotions' and Killer had been like, okay, whatever I guess I'll read it.

But then the cat died and he started sobbing.

Cross had felt bad but then he realized the hilarity of the situation and started to uncontrollably giggle.

Nightmare had looked at him and given the most 'are you kidding me' face in the world and Cross started to laugh more.

Killer's face when Cross started to laugh was so...

Let's just say there was no words to describe the mix of hurt and then awe at Cross's laughter.

Cross didn't emote, that was how it was and how Cross thought it would always be.

Nightmare was the first to change that, then Killer started to hang out with him after that, Cross never realized how funny Killer was. It was hard to see through the insensitive bitchass Killer was when he first met him.

Killer had... changed in his eyes a lot since then, like right now, with Killer hugging on his arm that had already been healed to the best of Nightmare's ability.

Like right now? Killer was the cutest thing Cross thinks he's ever seen.

Killer and Cross weren't dating, neither of them were good enough with their own feelings to deal with eachothers. They liked each other, maybe.

That's how it was and Cross didn't mind, Killer wasn't as much as a bitchass as he'd first thought.

"My apologies about all the festivities Cross, we just were excited that we finally found out when your birthday was and didn't think about how you hadn't said anything for the past three years, or how it might have painful memories attached to it." Nightmare says, finishing with his other arm.

"... I'm fine, I just..." Cross sighs, "My birthday was never a bad thing before... It's not like I have these terrible birthday memories, it just reminds me of... my AU." Cross says, stopping himself before he says family, he couldn't call them that, it hurt too much to think of how they were gone.

"I understand, if you want us to ignore it from now on we will, but I think it might help if your memories of your birthday are not all of things that cause you pain." Nightmare says and Killer nods and whispers.

"I got you a special present." he says in Cross's ear, seemingly excited about it.

"Okay," Cross says, talking feeling so much easier than usual, "I think you're right..."

"Yay!" Killer exclaims, "I can't wait to show you what we got you~!"

Cross exhales and smiles a little at Killer, who sees it and his eyes light up in a triumphant way. "I knew you could smile." He says, getting in Cross's personal space a little.

Suddenly, Cross knew everything would be okay.

[iceinwhb]

Dark headcannon III

He couldn't explain exactly what the tingling sensation was that went up in his head. Maybe anger, mixed with feeling outside of what was usual, or even normal.

But none of her thoughts mattered, because she was finally back, in the place he remembered, after so many years of loneliness and stupid excuses.

He was able to walk into his room, and be certain that she would be there. It didn't matter what it was like afterwards.

At first, even when he hugged her, he was afraid it was nothing more than a dream. He held on so tightly, and never spoke again about all the time he had spent without her, that he was able to go on with his life.

Except that he noticed certain aspects. The first time he noticed it was around the first day. It was simply a slip, looking at her neck when her hair was barely able to cover an obvious bruise on her skin. Enough to make his gaze freeze for more minutes than should have, and he averted it before she noticed.

And eventually, he realized that it was not one. That it was more than he thought it was.

He felt his stomach contort and press from the heaviness of imagining the reasons. He was not an idiot, much less incapable of knowing how it could have been made.

But the thoughts continued, grew deeper, and intrusive. For there were not only bruises on the skin, but scars that had never been there. Bites that he could understand where they came from, and only provoked the slow beating of his chest, deep, all night long.

He tried not to think about it, tried to erase the idea from his head, several times, but was impossible not to feel that he was nothing to her, when he had dedicated his whole life.

He could feel that he wasn't good enough for her, no matter how hard he tried.

Even in the first kiss, he knew there was something she didn't like, something he was failing at without knowing it, no matter if he tried hardest.

He couldn't breathe, even if his heaving breath hit the soft skin, and his hands caressed her firmly, feeling the teeth scars on her thighs, the dissatisfaction he was able to recognize by her visibility.

And it told him that she wasn't his, that there was no room for him after so long. He groaned, almost painfully, as the tangled footsteps made their way toward the bed.

She held the blanket, tightly, as her eyes squeezed shut. He pulled away, just a few inches, stricken with rejection, and his hands went up to her cheeks.

They made eye contact, unaware that he was a mess of desperation and little hope. He stroked the hair, almost in the loving way, and closed his eyes in frustration, as she began to cry.

"I'm sorry, but I don't… I don't think I can do this… with you."

He closed his mouth tightly, trying not to be reckless, and simply sighed, taking a seat next to her, while his brain mutilated all possible thoughts, and the space, which before seemed to drown him, was now so cold that it increased the feeling of loss.

"If someday, there would come… the right person…" His tongue weighed, as if crushed, and his lips trembled. "Then I'll be happy for you to find happiness."

His hand went to her head, and he stroked, hoping that the heavy feeling would also be removed from the emotion that kept rising in her body.

"But just for now, just stay by my side."

Cause, even if she had chosen someone else, the love he felt for her was much stronger, to simply stop feeling it, perhaps, all his life. His head filled with the painful response, which should have come out, but did not.

And after that moment, it got worse every day. Because neither of them had a happy ending. The months turned into years, and the years into simply what was going to happen, sooner or later, while was aware of how she tried to look for something, every time, as if waiting for someone who would never come.

As if she had lost something he was sure of to understand.

⛧✃✃✃⛧✁✁✁⛧✃✃✃⛧✁✁✁⛧

Did I make an effort this time? Yes. Did I check it five times, and I still think it has mistakes? Yes. Honestly… I know you expected more from Min… But we all know he's like a… a… rare kind of harmless animal, and he's shown us that he's a good person who still wouldn't abandon Mc, even in his worst moments.

It's not my favorite, in the game, sorry, so… I literally just thought about the Halloween event, and my fish memory just said, "Let's do this," from July. July. 5th.

But still… I tried to stick to the cannon a little bit, because, well, we know Ra-on isn't going to get enough with one man if he can keep half the hell happy… (*cough*, *cough*, thank you, Lucifer victoria, *cough*, *cough*.)