#which is actually even Nicer to my ego

[dailybaizhu]

49: celebrating our annual second of screentime!! :D

[corpsegold]

 I'm realizing that I use people like drugs. I get tolerance to them and then get bored. I never really turn up for them, I only pretend to when it serves me. I sometimes spend my energy on them to maintain the structure of the facade of the relationship but really I have no idea how any of it works and never really care about it intuitively. This might not be true all of the time but it's definitely true most of the time. I think sometimes I care about other people and can empathize, but 99% of my actions are entirely self absorbed, relating to how people feel about me and things.

How I make other people feel is not that relevant unless it relates to how they feel about me. How people feel about me is the most relevant thing period. This has been changing slightly with going to AA and thinking about practicing gratitude. I think sometimes I am kind even when no one is watching or would remember as well, it's just not my intuition to be like that.

This makes me a very unsavory person, even though I try to cover up that I’m this insecure and shallow. Even my family don’t like me, but I think that was true when I was a kid as well. This causes me to become very isolated- I struggle to make or maintain any relationships, even with other neurodivergent or addicted people for the most part. This causes me to drink to anesthetize, out of boredom, depression, social anxiety- missing the emotional regulation that comes from connecting with other people and getting perspective. I spend far too much time in my own head navel gazing and pathologizing myself. I’m obsessed with my own pain. I interact with people when it serves my fantasy, and get rid of them when I get uncomfortable, because I don't trust that they won't conspire to sabotage me, or because I don’t cope with any kind of perceived criticism well.

I’m realizing that the way I think is like, if someone is nice to me, it's because they fancy or are envious of me. This makes me distrust them because it means they’re dangerous, unless I’m drunk. If someone isn’t nice to me, it's because I’m awful and need to hide in a cave (or drink on my own.) Either way it results in drinking, but one of the big processes underneath it is being self absorbed in a paranoid way. I want to be a nice person. I’m excited for the journey to learn how to be, if it's possible. The way that I’ve been living has not been well. 

This explains why trying to be abstinent and engage with a program makes me feel suspicious of other people and want to retreat into drinking. Not because I enjoy the drinking (tho naltrexone has shown me that I do actually) but because it dims down how much I care about what other people think about me, letting me pretend to myself that I’m normal for a while. I need to find a safe way to deflate my ego without imploding, and get some real self esteem without becoming overtly grandiose- then people will like me even less. I have to learn how to manage my ego so I can tolerate being alive

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Hi! For the ficlet prompts: For Tarlos: 🫶🏻 Breakfast date For BuckTommy: 🛏️ There's only one bed, and it's… a single (or broken? Like sunken down in the center or something. Whichever option sparks joy. 😂)

There's only one bed, and it's a single

A few weeks into their relationship, Buck wonders why Tommy still hasn't invited him over to his house. Somehow, they always seem to end up in the loft, apart form that one memorable date that ended in the 118's locker room – he’s still proud of himself for keeping his mouth shut about it the next day, even though his face probably screamed „ask me what happened last night“. Anyway, Tommy often just turns up at his door or picks him up from work and drives to the loft as a matter of course, and for a while Buck thinks it's just because he likes his place so much. It's tastefully furnished, right? And since he owns a couch again, Star Wars movie nights with Tommy next to him are much nicer.

It's just... Eddie had been so enthusiastic about Tommy's house, the garage, the dōjō; and Buck – Tommy’s boyfriend, mind you – hasn’t even seen a glimpse of all that. There are, of course, many possible explanations for this. Maybe Tommy’s a slob and it's always untidy (Eddie didn't mention this), or he's ashamed of his furniture (Eddie didn't mention this) or he's currently renovating (nope, not a word about that from Eddie). Either these made-up motives are as silly as they sound in Buck's head, or the real reason is him. Both could be true. 

One evening, after a very good dinner (it's perfectly acceptable to praise yourself, Buck thinks, especially after receiving top cooking honors from Bobby), it's time to grab the bull by the horns. 

“We're gonna sleep at your house tonight,” he says.

Tommy sets his glass down, blinks and replies, “We’ve basically just arrived at your place, Evan.”

"Right, but you’re staying overnight at my place about three times a week.“

“Didn't have the feeling that it was too much,” says Tommy with a wink.

Buck is melting away. This man has such a magnetic effect... But not this time, he swears to himself. He's let this slide long enough. If there's one thing he's learned, it's that problems should be addressed. This one isn't necessarily a problem, but it's a little oddity that has piqued his curiosity. And perhaps it also scratches his ego a little.

“No, I love it when you're here,” he says, feeling his cheeks flush. “But Eddie keeps telling me about your house and...”

“What is Eddie doing in this conversation now?” 

Tommy sounds genuinely confused, and he can't blame him. Buck takes a deep breath. 

“I want to see how you live.”

That's not quite the right approach, but at least Tommy smiles his adorable smile, which makes his face go all scrunchy. His answer, however, is not an exuberant “okay, let's get going”. Instead, he says, “That's sweet, but I'm rarely at home. It’s actually not that exciting.”

Somehow, it is, at least it starts getting annoying; Buck's curiosity is hard to tame when he believes he's discovered some kind of riddle. While it’s certainly exciting to see that there still are some things about Tommy that remain mysterious to him, his house shouldn't be on the top list of sweet secrets he holds. 

“I’m getting a vibe that you don't want me there, Tommy.”

“It's not like that.”

“Then what is it? Do you have any porn magazines lying around? Don't you want me to see your underwear drawer?”

“Evan...”

“Are there pictures of your ex-boyfriends on the walls?” Now Buck is on a roll. “Do you collect tasteless art? Is your house just too small for two people to be comfortable?”

“Evan,” Tommy groans. Wide-eyed, Buck glares at him, until Tommy finally exhales loudly and adds, “Yeah, it's too small. You're not going to give it a rest, are you?“

“My therapist says I should talk about my feelings. And there's no one I'd rather do that with than you, Tommy, and right now... well. Honestly, it's driving me crazy.”

“All right,” goes Tommy, getting up and taking his hand, ”there's no point in delaying it any longer anyway. Come with me. We're going to my place – but whether you want to sleep there remains to be seen.”

That, of course, was an even more mysterious answer, but Buck jumps to his feet immediately.

From the outside, Tommy's house looked neither particularly small nor large. The most remarkable thing about the single-storey, flat-roofed building was probably that it stood in the middle of a terraced housing estate in the suburbs. It wasn't an area Buck would have associated with Tommy, and there was probably a story behind it that he was eager to hear one day. 

Inside, it was just as unremarkable. This was the house of a single man who often did 24-hours-shifts and also had very excessive hobbies that made him leave the house quite often. In other words, a comparatively interchangeable place. Eddie hadn't mentioned anything about that either, he'd probably been blinded by the flights to Vegas and the garage. There were no photos of ex-boyfriends on the walls, no obvious porn movies in the impressive DVD collection, no tasteless art; there weren't even any potted plants, “I just don't have a green thumb,” says Tommy. 

“I don't understand why you didn't already show me your house,” Buck says, a little disappointed that he still couldn't solve the puzzle.

“Hm,” Tommy utters, and it sounds almost apologetic. He wraps his arms around Buck and adds, “You're here now.”

„Yes, and I forgot a change of clothes. You’re gonna have to lend me some tomorrow.“

“You're really determined to spend the night here?”

“You bet,” Buck says, his eyes roaming the room, ”show me your bedroom and I'll show you how determined I am.”

“Then get ready for a cold shower,” Tommy returns, taking Buck's hand and leading him further into his house. 

The door opened to another plain, rather functionally furnished room with a built-in wardrobe, a second door that probably led to the bathroom, a large window without any curtains and virtually no accessories. Then Buck’s gaze falls on the bed, and his jaw drops.

“Well, I told you it was small...”

“I thought you meant your house.”

It was the bed. A narrow, single bed. It wasn't an unusual place to sleep, of course; millions of bedrooms were furnished like this. Buck just couldn't understand why anyone would voluntarily give up the comfort of a kingsize when they were tall and beefy like his adorable boyfriend with the very embarrassed look on his face. 

“W-wait a minute. Is that why we always spent the night at my place? Because you’re sleeping in... this crib?”

“Hey, I like this bed,” Tommy replies, grimacing. “It's just not a good place for two. Hold on, what were you thinking, Evan?“

“Well, for a while I thought you just liked my shower...”

“... it's an excellent shower, I must say.”

"Well, to be honest, I thought it’s not that important to you."

Tommy looks intently at his face, shaking his head. 

“Did you seriously think you weren't important enough for me? I thought we had clarified that point by now. And for once, I'm not talking about the excellent sex, honey.“

"Which would be … not that comfortable in that bed," Buck says when the penny finally drops. “Adorable, Tommy. As if the kitchen table wasn't enough for us.”

“But would you want to sleep on it?”

“Good point,” Buck mutters. “We really can't both fit in the bed.”

“Gonna be tough. And… actually, I really prefer your shower.“

“I'll probably have to talk to the landlord about the water consumption.”

"Well, we don’t need to move together so soon," Tommy argues. “But you could help me buy a bigger bed, how about that?”

“Excellent,” says Buck. “But we have to be sure it’s too small for the things I’d love to do with you.”

He pushes the surprised Tommy onto the bed with a casual nudge.

“Fine,” Tommy replies with a grin before closing Buck's mouth with a kiss, ”but we're sleeping at your place tonight.”

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

Thank you for the adorable prompt, @herrmannhalsteadproduction. I'm gonna need to skip the Tarlos one because I'm running out of spare time, but this was fun 😂❤️

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[hyunsvngs]

I have an idea for an a/b/o-adjacent/hybrid au fic?

okay so imagine: bunny hybrid reader who is getting increasingly frustrated by their sexual partners. everyone has heard the phrase ‘fuck like rabbits’ and they are especially tired of it. like yes, it’s true, bunny hybrids have a higher sex drive. and while their partners are always excited about this fact, they always end up disappointed. they all tap out before poor bunny!reader is fulfilled, so this phrase is a blessing and a curse for them. lots of people are interested in fucking them, but none of their encounters are ever what they need.

now cue bunny!changbin with the same problem, except he’s a bit nicer than bunny!reader and always lies to his partners about getting his fill as to not hurt any egos. but he is perpetually blue-balling himself because his partners always get totally fucked out before he’s really fulfilled. and on one hand he’s a little proud because his partners always get off at least, but he’s getting desperate.

they both, separately, confide in kitty!felix who lends a sympathetic ear while secretly plotting how he’s going to help his horny bunnies find each other. and he finally decides that he wouldn’t mind being there to lend a helping hand (he’s tried helping them both tbh but even his high libido can’t compare with them). so we get binlixreader threesome, where the bunnies get to play with felix before fucking each other. felix gets fucked out (of course) and resigns to curling up in a blanket and sipping some water while the bunnies are left to entertain each other.

and it’s going really well because by this point they’re quite comfortable with each other, and both so horny out of their minds that they just want to get on with it. and they are literally just fucking, like desperately riding each other through multiple orgasms and into overstimulation. but they both need it so bad and don’t want to stop. and even though they’re horny animals, binnie is still a gentleman so he has to check in like: “are you good? do you need a break?” and reader is thinking ‘oh no, this is it’ but is like “yeah, I’m fine. do you need a break?” and bin is like “no no, this is so good. like, please tell me when you want to stop but also I can’t imagine stopping right now” and reader is like “oh perfect, same. like don’t push yourself, but also just keep fucking me please”

so felix is just like, there (lol) waiting for them to tire each other out. he takes a nap, eats a snack, has a shower. the bunnies with their crazy low refractory periods probably have less than a minute breaks before they’re on top of each other again. felix eventually just leaves them be until they finally finish, then he comes in and makes them hydrate and quickly wipes them clean. and both of them are insatiable for another reason now, because they’re super sleepy and fucked out. so they whine and beg for felix to cuddle them and he’s like “oh my god, you’re both so needy” but does end up wedged between them while he coaxes them into eating snacks and pets their floppy ears. and he’s like “that was hot, but you two need to learn some self-control. do you know what time it is?” and they’re both like “mh-hm, m’okay, kisses please” 

and felix sighs and just decides to let his bunnies rest while he handles all the aftercare. which sort of ties into actual animal behavior, because cats view themselves as the dominant one when they groom other animals but rabbits view themselves as the dominant one when they’re being groomed. but anyway, felix continues to take care of his bunnies whenever they need him and they are also happy to dote on him when he needs a bit of love

anyway, byyyye (🌨️ anonnie)

HOLY FUCK

[esmereldapearl]

Hi, this’ll be my first post so bare with me. I’ve never been one to actually post on different social medias and I’m newer to Tumblr too, so if I sound too serious or off that’s probably why. Anyway, to my point;

I am probably going to post a lot of theories or deep dives into different characters from different fandoms and this will be my first! So, here’s a deep dive into Virgil from Sanders Sides; (Spoiler warnings ahead for like EVERY episode)

Let me know if you agree, disagree, or just your thoughts on this if you can, I would like to hear them! I think it would be interesting.

Janus was talking in todays (05/25/24) video, it made me realize that Virgil could’ve left because he wanted someone to be honest with him and show him sincerity, both things Janus hated, and every secret Virgil had would be used against him, his own name was, and that’s why he was afraid to say his name to everyone and now he’s probably realizing Pattons going down the same path he walked, and he’s trying to help his friend but there’s no use. He became closer with Roman because he showed him honesty, he was mean but apologized for his actions and showed him who he is, good and bad, and showed him sincerity when he pushed Thomas to talk to Nico. Virgil showed Roman he was because he was less scared, Roman had shown him who he is and so he will do so too, the purple eyeshadow. In the cheering up episode he was showing things to Roman that he liked, something he didn’t do with everyone because he was afraid of it being used against him, and in the gifting episode he heard Janus against Roman and got angry at Janus because Roman is his friend, someone he can finally trust, someone who won’t use it against him (Janus) or tease him (Remus, DWIT) and he and Roman have a bond where they can tease eachother or make jokes but know they’re jokes because they have trust. Virgil probably realizes that the dollar bill with Roman was special because Romans afraid of Failure and hes feeling like he fails with all his friends who are turning on him, so to give him something personal, or as Janus put it, ploy to his ego, it helps with his insecurity that he’s not significant, Virgil gets that because he had to loose everything he knew to gain what he has now, which is scary and puts you at the bottom of a pit you have to climb out of.

If someone said to you, “I’m not angry” but looked super angry wouldn’t that make you upset? Or if you showed something to them and they said “I really like it” when they have a look of disgust on their face. This is something I feel Janus would do from his mannerisms in the newer videos with Remus.

I think that Janus is someone who can be easily trusted at first, the one you feel finally understands you or is finally nice to you but as you go on with being friends you realize it was all a lie, the relationship’s foundation was built on lies. Remus doesn’t care, nor has he left Janus so their friends. Virgil cared, and left, so Janus is angry at him and uses everything against him- maybe he did it before too. Maybe Virgil saw how the others acted towards him and changed his original motive, sometimes when you see something doesn’t have to be a certain way, you don’t want it to be a certain way. Example being, you can cut the grass with scissors but if you find that tedious or don’t like it, change what you’re doing, make it easier, make it nicer for yourself. Same goes with being around people, you don’t have to be around people who make you upset, or you realize make you upset, because that’s all you know. It’s scary, so scary from experience but when you’re on the other side it’s clearer, nicer, happier— and the fact that Virgil can trust someone so much now that he can finally show them something he likes or the purple eyeshadow is just showing how much better he is, even if it might seem like he’s walking backwards, he’s not, he’s in the clear for the most part.

Virgil is only “going backwards” with saying he’s like the cousin, I don’t think that means he wishes he was back there, I think he means that’s where he’s from, that’s what he knows more, he doesn’t exactly feel like a light side probably, so he’ll assume he just still feels like a dark side. He’s probably afraid that his relationship with Patton is deteriorating over Janus, he’s afraid Patton’s mad at him because of the “I’m not mad at you” but looks upset thing that probably happened with Janus.( I’ve had people do this and it does affect me like that so that’s why I’m saying this) But Virgil would rather protect Patton from him and have Patton dislike him than to stand back and let it happen I’m guessing- I could be wrong though. And, in the video where Janus and Patton are in the woods it’s noted that Janus doesn’t share much about himself to Patton, he might not want people to do what he does in turn.

Maybe that’s why Janus doesn’t like Roman, because he is mean to those he doesn’t trust and then once they know each-other is nice, and trusting and sincere. He doesn’t like him because he didn’t trust him without batting an eye, he realized what road he was on at the start and it crumbled a lot faster than anyone around hims did- immediate, or almost immediate distrust made Janus not like him since there isn’t much to use, just ploys to an ego and that is all. Roman is sincere towards Virgil and Virgil likes that, Janus could be angry that his friend is with someone new and angry at that friend. Janus can make all these remarks and they don’t matter until Roman speaks up and it’s Romans fault. Janus did what he did with Virgil to Roman, found what was important to him, an insecurity, and used it against him. Roman was quick to know the game, but he doesn’t know how to win the game.

All of this, or even some of it could be stuff that people have already realized and known, but I find it intriguing and interesting to think about dynamics and what goes on in peoples heads.

Again, if you want to add, or disagree please let me know, I want to hear what everyone else thinks about this if you’re seeing it- did you already know this? Do you disagree? What do you think is different?

Have a wonderful rest of your day and thank you for listening to my TedTalk.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP I love Jimin but the autotune is bad. 😔 I don't know how to feel about it. I wish Jimin did a song like Promise or Serendipity it wld be better for more people right? I hate how pdogg ruined Jimin's debut. We should admit it. Nobody is even streaming it on youtube. Armys are pretending it's a good song but kpop fans are right BPP, the song is bad.

*

Ask 2:

Hi BPP,

I hope you are well.

I have read and continue to read your blog. You seem to think so highly of the rap line which is wonderful. My post isn't about them but I do like them more than the vocal line. Please note I am not trying to be negative with my question below. I am more curious because this has been observation lately..

I am not trying to be negative but I was wondering if you could help me understand this. Being in K-pop for a while, I knew I would come across BTS at one stage in my life. I have always known they are popular. I would have to be living under the rock to think otherwise. But one thing I have always heard is a discourse around Jimins popularity. Even before I got into BTS, I would hear Jimins name thrown here and there. I knew BTS had a guy named Jimin but recently I have been thinking that perhaps he isn't as popular as I had assumed. I would have thought his music video would garner million and millions of views easily but it's not even at 15 mil. How could that be? Similarly, people aren't purchasing his songs on iTunes. I see people begging them to buy the songs on twitter. My understanding was that he is the most popular member of BTS but looking at his views compared to the rest of the members, I am thinking he is on the lower side of popularity. I am surprised to be honest. I know popularity doesn't mean everything but wouldn't he need that to be a successful artist outside of BTS?

I am also not sure if the new song is good. The autotune feels too jarring. The video is nice but the song in itself doesn't do it for me. I would have really liked to minimise autotune. It would have also been nicer if his song was more on the lines of lie. I feel there is too much focus on visual representation rather than the quality of the song. People will listen to the song more than watch the video so it's disappointing. It's also not doing that well. I mean Taylor's re-released songs are beating him already. I am worried his album won't be successful. I was hoping they would use this solo era to gather more fans but I don't see how Jimin could possibly garner more fans with a song thats so jarring to listen to.

***

Sigh, y'all should never say I didn't allow room for other perspectives in this space because I'm humoring this talking point far longer than I honestly care for. Not trying to be rude, just honest.

Hi Anon(s),

So... um, let's see. Please remember y'all are talking to someone who thinks UGH is the best song in BTS's discography. My playlist order for Set Me Free Pt 2 is:

Arson -> SMF Pt 2 -> UGH -> What Do You Think? -> SMF Pt 2

I mix it up with As I Am by JB and Khalid, Indigo, NewJeans, On The Street, and Smoke Sprite. For playlist switches I rotate between rock albums, hiphop, and lofi.

So, that's my taste. Usually.

What do you notice in all the songs in the first sequence? Think about it for a sec. With the exception of What Do You Think? to some degree, they all use autotune. A disgusting amount of it, and I love those songs so hard I would fuck them if I could.

I'm not sure if people understand what I mean when I say I'm a fan of BTS's music, that I'm an ARMY. I mean I actually love their sound and have reached this conclusion recently after following them since 2014. So PDogg's stylistic choices are ones I like most times.

Yoongi and Jimin are very similar. In my opinion. And there is no member who embraces autotune and pitch distortion more than Yoongi. He is also the only member who blatantly and unapologetically displays his alter-ego in his music - in Agust D - and that's not a coincidence. Jimin does the same thing or at least tries to create the same effect in SMF Pt 2 by using autotune. Pitch distortion is the easiest way to other yourself in a song, to create a secondary personality. Tyler Joseph does this a lot with a shadow personality within himself that he calls Blurryface in his music. Jimin in SMF Pt 2 is done playing games. That man has rage buried inside of him and somehow, he has transcended it. Yet he expresses that rage in his first song as a solo artist, through a secondary voice. The one that voices the animal in him. That Jimin is telling y'all to come correct or fuck off. And he calls out his opps. Yeah, his opps. It's Aave and yes it's sometimes unfortunate when k-pop idols use it, but sometimes it's not. Think of 'finna'. And none of the people up in arms about Jimin using that word give a rats ass that XG, a rookie group, have used it more often than Jimin to no issue, but yeah it's impossible for the idol so targeted by death threats the Texas police got involved, to say he's got opps. But I don't really care either way.

I digress. My point is the audacious and offensive use of autotune is the point in the song. It's aggressive. It's supposed to annoy you and if you happen to be a weirdo like me, it's supposed to tickle your brain. Like, this song seriously has me fucked up. I like it a lot and it's just a testament to years of discipline that I'm not looping it on Spotify.

Anon in ask 1, it's possible Jimin would reach a wider audience with a ballad, pop track like Promise/Serendipity, or a more conventional hiphop song. I'm sure he thinks so too, maybe. And yet that's not how he wanted to express himself. He chose the harsh autotune and I happen to think he sounds incredible with it.

Now Anon in ask 2, Jimin is one of the most popular members in BTS, and BTS is of course still popular. We both know that. But it's also true BTS has become less popular within k-pop spaces in general, but that's predictable given how the industry runs, and it's possible that was all you were experiencing Anon - an environment where BTS and by extension Jimin, just isn't that popular.

If that were even possible. Because like, this is Park Jimin we're talking about here.

For the people apparently begging others to buy the album, I guess they are simply people who strongly want Jimin to do well on the charts and are trying everything in their power to make it happen. I'm yet to see any of that personally though on my side of ARMY twt, what I'm seeing is organized and spontaneous purchases done out of love for the artist and his art.

*

You both mention YouTube views/streams so let me just say something on it. Personally, I don't care. I mean I care enough that we at least try to meet the goals and I genuinely love the video so I've watched it multiple times today, but not really beyond that. All this to express the extent of my interest in this matter. But even I know YouTube changed their view-counting algorithm in 2021 to increase a migration of users to their paid platform, YouTube Premium. Views today are harder to count and so one way k-pop agencies have worked around to gaining views, is to buy ads on YouTube. Perhaps it would be great if BigHit was as involved as other agencies in helping that way, but they haven't been so far except for the Pandemic English Trilogy (PET), and ARMY has more reason to stay engaged. All this to say, the views we currently have are one of the best records the fandom has ever achieved for BTS, no matter how it stacks up to the others because there are too many people who love SMF Pt 2, are talking about it, re-watching it, too many of them to not be significant enough. For YouTube we're doing fine and enjoying it at our pace.

Also I don't know what y'all want me to say about how a white American woman performs on US charts, relative to BTS members. I'm curious, did you check for their relative performance on Korean charts? Since you're so interested in the question.

You don't need to be worried about Jimin's album not being successful. It already is.

[glitch-pep]

Let's get into the process of Sunny's creation! I seperated it into two parts under the cut. ❤️

Final version of the design:

Concept art:

Old versions of these two drawings:

#1

Ok, so, the story behind Sunny's creation is actually an interesting one.

Basically, some time last year I had the idea to create an Opposite AU for my oc's, which would have essentially been an au where all of my oc's would be the complete opposite of who they are.

I gave up on the idea of it, because I realized how much of a spoiler it would be for some of the oc's stories if I turned everything on its head.

Molly Moon, was turned into Sunny Sunrise. Thing is, this version of Sunny was very different from the one we have now. I actually saved the description I wrote down, please note that some of this stuff is NOT CANON anymore. Here:

[I'll keep it short, the whole unused character thing still stands, but, instead of it being aired before nightime it was supposed to be aired in the morning. Sunny's segment, named: "Way to start the day" was entirerly focused on her favorite thing: the world finally waking up! In the segment she would mostly teach children about the importance of a healthy breakfast and not oversleeping every day. She would also do some simple morning exercises. Personality wise, Sunny is harsh with her words and loud with them at that. Overly confident with a massive ego, she thinks she's the most important person in the room at all times. And she's not even slightly suddle with anything. No matter how mean her opinion is, you will hear it, and she'll think you're blessed to hear it from her. Even though she has a sharp memory, she purposefully doesn't bother to remember things that she thinks are unimportant. Her main gag would be that she's so loud at times that the intensity of the sound can break anything around her. She's fast on her feet and with her actions, and always has in mind exactly what she wants. Her main room would be "The Bathroom" which has a comically large mirror so that she can see herself in full glory no matter where she's walking in the room. "The Kitchen" would be the second room. Catchphrase: "Rise and shine! It's time for breakfast, and you get to feast upon your favorite eye-candy, me!~"]

After I scraped this au idea, I kinda just forgot about Sunny. A while later I was working on Molly's lore, during which I created a character whose concept I still find interesting.

Her name was Sammy Starshine, a parody of Sally Starlet. Yes, an actual parody character which the canon would've been aware of, this character was basically a big ongoing gag. She was based on this beta version of Sally, but her head was some sorta different star instead:

Personality wise she was actually kinda mean and overly bossy, with Molly being the only one who could really stand her, because Sammy was only nice to her. The whole trying to ruin Sally's life concept was actually a thing at this point too. I had a very specific plot for her story in mind, and I like it a lot so I won't talk about it, because I wanna reuse it somewhere else. Sammy influenced the overall story A LOT, even though she's not a thing anymore.

A while later I realized that I wanna do this character differently, and then the Sunny Sunrise we know today was slowly created, after I decided to reuse the Molly Opposite AU concept, but give her a far nicer personality.

And that's about it, I'm glad that I figured it out.

#2

I thought of Sunny a long time before I started to work on her, and the original design idea I had for her did not end up making the final cut.

She was always gonna have a sun head, and eyes that were basically Molly's eyes upside down and more roundish, with spiky eyelashes that bend upwards, unlike Molly's which are round and bend downwards. Also, her nose being that shape is supposed to kinda resemble a sun dial.

For her head colors it was basically "Like Sally but different shades." I was slightly afraid that her and Sally would look too similar, but I'm glad that they don't.

The outfit is what gave me the most trouble.

Originally she was gonna have a rainbow scarf with clouds at the ends, but I couldn't do that because of her head situation. I still like the scarf design idea, I might reuse it somewhere else.

Also, she was gonna have an off the shoulder top instead instead of a sweater, and a skirt. Those two clothing items were originally pink, but I ended up changing it because I realized that it made no sense, given the fact that Molly is primarily blue, which meant that I needed to make Sunny also blue if I wanted a two of them to fit together.

Unlike Molly she is light blue while Molly is dark blue, which is an obvious reference to the clear blue sky and then the night sky. Also in the same way that Molly has different shades of dark blue Sunny also has different shades of light blue. Like Molly, Sunny also has a cloud motif.

Since Molly has the sheep on her pajamas I wanted to give Sunny a bird somewhere in her design to parallel Molly but thing is I couldn't for the life of me figure out where to put it. Since I couldn't fit it into the character design I instead put it onto her house. I also put a bird somewhere else, but I'll show you that some other time. (I'll talk about the lore connected to the birds in a different post.)

I went for shorts instead of a skirt because I had no character that wore shorts in their main outfit and I wanted to mix it up, and also I thought that shorts were far more sporty than skirts.

The bow was a random addition that I fell in love with as well as the beauty mark. I gave the bow the little ribbons on the side cuz it gives me ninja vibes.

She was always supposed to be carrying a rainbow bag around but it looked bad and the heart bag version of it was too difficult to draw so I just decided to get rid of it.

The shoes gave me a lot of trouble because originally she wore boots with big white leg warmers which were supposed to go together with the clouds on her sweater. And they did but I didn't like that design and I couldn't figure out what to do with it.

Eventually I decided to change the boots into sneakers and give her rainbow socks. I still didn't like it because there was too much blue in the design.

Then I changed the shoe colors to be blue and black, and that's where it clicked. I made the shoes completely mismatch, with a rainbow sock on one leg and the leg warmer on the other.

I knew that I had to put a rainbow somewhere but I was struggling to figure out where, the sock was a good solution for this.

Unlike Molly who is completely covered, Sunny has both her shoulders and legs exposed, to show that she's more open and extroverted than Molly.

The fingerless gloves were an idea that I've had since the beginning, I was debating on what type of gloves it should be but I just went for the regular type at the end.

I did have the idea of giving her fake fangs and that she wears them cuz she's convinced that it makes her look more evil and scary, but I scraped that idea cuz she ended up looking too silly with them.

At one point I tried to completely change the outfit to make her wear an over the shoulder cloud jacket instead, which wasn't a bad idea in concept but I butchered it in execution so bad that I just scraped it. I might reuse this idea one day.

And, that's about it. She's honestly one of my favorite character designs I've made so far!

[msweebyness]

An Introduction to Merry Claus

Some people have been curious about JJ’s bitch of an ex-girlfriend! So here you go my friends! A proper introduction to Merry Claus! Enjoy! @artzychic27 @imsparky2002

Appearance/Example Attire: Wavy, shoulder-length, bright red hair, pale Caucasian skin with freckles on the bridge of nose, bright green eyes, medium height and slender build. Hair in low pigtails with holly berry scrunchies, fluffy white headband, gold ornament earrings, tight-fitted red cable-knit sweater with white fur collar, green skirt with red glitter, black calf boots with white fur trim.

Personality: If there’s one thing Merry is good at, it’s convincing people she’s a lot nicer than she actually is. She’s an expert at manipulating people by putting on a veneer of the kindness and cheerfulness expected of a resident of Christmas Town, which put her in good standing with much of Auradon’s youth. However, underneath this mask is a spiteful and vindictive young woman who can’t stand not being the center of attention. Merry will gladly step on anyone if it means making herself look better, or getting what she wants. She is also incredibly controlling, needing to have everything around her go her way and keep her at the top of the totem pole. She’ll even mistreat those closest to her for that to happen.

Background: Merry, as the granddaughter of Santa Claus, daughter of the oldest of his two sons, grew up and has spent most of her life in Christmas Town. Praised for her skill in the preparation for Christmas, Merry quickly developed a large ego, bleeding into narcissism. Despite this, she was able to mask this personality under a disguise of kindness and Christmas cheer, fooling nearly everyone in her family and Auradon at large. One of these people she had fooled was her (now ex)boyfriend JJ. But the longer they stayed together the more her true personality came out. With time, a combination of exerting control over every single aspect of his life, spiced with emotional, verbal and physical abuse, JJ was pushed to the brink and broke things off with her, something Merry is angry about to this day.

Extras:

Merry has a twin brother named Nick, who is much nicer than she is, and one of the few people who knows her true awful nature. He’s endured some of the worst of her treatment over the years, constantly belittled, taunted and robbed of credit for his own accomplishments.

Merry is fiercely jealous of Darcy and would give anything to break her and JJ up. She wouldn’t dare do anything outright though, knowing JJ’s new girlfriend could easily break her in half.

JJ never told his parents about a lot of his relationship with Merry, and she tries to use this to manipulate them, though without success.

And there it was! Leave your thoughts in the comments and reblogs!

[lesser-mook]

"The logical conclusion to Kratos fighting every pantheon." (I really, really like this concept, only because of how batshit insane Lore acc Jesus is strictly from a power-scaling perspective and despite everyone on the Planet knowing who Jesus is, most have NO idea what he is.)

not a bad concept, though they wouldn't have a reason to fight beyond Jesus' 2nd mission:

Off the top of my head, according to lore, he projects a sword out of his mouth (RV 1:16), can wield starts casually (RV 1:16), while riding a flaming horse or some shit, the sky split open (meaning the fabric of reality is breached) hence commanding legions of Angles hording through (which from text & recent visual interpretation actually look like Lovecraftian demons) to literally conquer Earth. like an interdimensional alien warlord pressing the sleep button on Humanity.

The popular central theme of this guy is he doesn't die or live in a traditional sense, and the only reason he allowed himself to be killed was to be a martyr by choice, to make a point.

Give humanity a couple thousand years to find "his/the way" supposedly, otherwise according to lore, his comeback is "The End" of post-modern humanity itself than it is the literal end of humans, I have to read it again tho.

Then another millennia of apocalyptic fallout. No nukes, no armor, just this guy showing up.

Not only would biblically acc angels be a horrifying aspect to put in a game, but Jesus himself is actually a terrifying entity despite the nice guy nature humans took for granted at the time.

Them just sounding off Trumpets will rumble the earth and cause extinction level events.

Technically he can't be beaten, because everyone knows his mortality. Nobody knows what he can actually do, which is everything. He's the original Gary Stu.

We're not even factoring in the Quantum intelligence that is "God" or even the Holy Spirit which is like a glorified proxy medium. All the Angels, their ranks, their subordinates, etc.

That game would have to be psychological/cosmic horror epic themed, surrealism.

most People only know the Sunday school tales of the human side of prophets and judges, the people God used to manipulate lives to set a narrative. From beginning to end.

Going by the book, Humanity is the original (The SIMS) game.

The BIBLE? In it's raw form, it's a tale of hope, flawed characters, redemption, perseverance, with an over-arching horror story subtext. Constant genocides at God's hands, only for Humanity to pick up the slack without his help.

And In a meta sense, in theory, WE ARE The Cliffhanger.

God itself doesn't reside in Heaven strictly, like Zeus or Odin. He has a throne, he's there, but not there.

That's just where the followers go to honor "it".

Jesus likely wouldn't want to kill Kratos, but if this is post Revelations arc Jesus. This would definitely be the game Kratos dies in cosmic epic glory.

Because that Jesus isn't preaching love, he brings war, and his physical form is G.O.N.E.

I would love to see Kratos go up against a straight up hax-ego centric narcissist being that can't bleed, be reached or touched. Having no form.

And it's only form, his kinder nicer, human self, his Son. In canon is no more. Jesus as a physical being that can be hurt, doesn't exist anymore.

(JESUS), unbeknownst to most "Christians", actually existed simultaneously throughout the Bible since Genesis/possibly pre-Gen.

Meaning this guy CHRIST, can pass through time itself. Because he did, does, will do.

I shit you not.

Superman RED Son's (novel) ending plottwist has NOTHING ON this.

There's this narrative that repeats multiple times in just Relevation Chapter 1 "Was, Is, is to come"

Revelation 1:8 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Past, Present, Future. It's consistent.

That's what i mean by "-doesn't die or live in a traditional sense", the guy existed before he was born, before he did, before he resec himself. Think about that.

Kratos needed to go on a whole ass side-quest to go through time. Jesus can just do it, technically the fabric of space-time is something he can possess, re-write, or see. Because REALLY think about what it means to exist in the past, present, and future: At the same time.

The past is gone for humans, we always live in the present. But Jesus still exists in back then. As we're in the present, waiting for the future, where he ALSO exists.

See how broken that is?

Even Asura couldn't touch this guy. DOOMSLAYER can't touch this dude, you can't.

How in the actual fuck, do you "fight" that?

Everyone says the meme "Flash can go back and kill you as a baby". Jesus apparently can do the same thing. He is simultaneous.

When the text states God is everywhere, that includes timelines, dimensions, etc. This is a beyond 10th dimensional being.

Manifested himself in flesh.

Defied death after 3 days, the only one to do that, Lazarus needed re-animation, Christ is the ONLY one to do it himself.

Not as a rule, but just to make a fucking point. That shit is both petty and scary.

The (Pan) in Pantheon.

Post-Revelations Jesus IS THE God, of War. And death.

That would be the sheer irony of pulling this off as a game

This is why it claims to be "THE" God. The thing, It, is literally every superpower you can imagine. We're talking serious beyond Haruhi Suzumiya+Dr.Manhattan+Cthulhu on steroids type shit.

no god of the sea, no god of dreams, none of that shit. This one wanted the title of "THE".

Alpha--Omega, period.

Revelation 5:1, There's God's throne, and he's holding like this book no one man or anyone in the pantheon can open except his successor, Christ.

It has Seven seals, the book does, and Christ just opening the seals is summoning horseman, like these summoned executioners RV 6:4

Revelation 6:1 And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.

2 And I saw, and behold a white horse:

And then another event where the people over the course of all time that died for God, are paid tribute and given royalty treatment after they question him as to what is their reward for their spilled blood?

Revelation 6:9 And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: 10 And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? 11 And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. 12 And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;

Instead of tyranny for being questioned, he took care of them, gave them quality clothes, rest and a seat in the Kingdom to wait for the others after them: Theoretically any of us who would join.

Basically sit back, here's some drip and wait for immending immortality for being killed for his sake.

If this was OT, they would've been struck out of existence, but the era of Christ was God himself having a character arc that he himself determined in advance because technically before it happened, it happened already.

And the

RV 6:12 And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;

Just him opening a seal of this book warped physics to change the shades of celestial bodies on a level of an eclipse.

JUST HIM OPENING THE SEAL.

This thing is next level.

The religion aspect is what people turn away from, including me, but from a strictly "kaiju"/Cosmic being standpoint, "Yahweh", "Elohim", "Christ" is a serious monster.

Unless Kratos drops in during the NT or before OT even happens, because again Jesus existed during & thus by proxy before Genesis.

I used to think the whole book was corny but the Shit is mind-numbing apocalyptic, straight insanity.

Kratos cannot afford to be holding back with this one, even if he doesn't, it won't help.

The problem is most god's Kratos has fought has had physical silhouette's one way or another

Or that time he fought Zeus' ghost

or he’s had some kind of weapon to tangibly touch spirits. (GOW3)

This one, pantheon and all, is a whole different beast. These things are omi-dimensional avatars-- Vibrating between dimensions because reality is just a frequency that our atoms reside in.

Which is why we're not going to find Aliens in space or in the Earths Core. They're literally next to you, in another frequency of reality-- A dimension, that's what Parallel Earths in Comics represent. Thats what Heaven is. A frequency.

That's HOW this God does it, through sound, frequency science. Not spaceships.

Revelation 8:2  And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.

These trumpets according to lore will change landscapes, cause great events and summon greater angels.

And that's why people resonate with music so much, how it can control moods, frequency of sound is power, it taps into dimensions if the sound is strong enough.

Specifically the method that Christs coming is announced is through Horns, Sound. Punching through our dimension like a battering-ram on a door.

It's no accident that the "Arrowhead project" let in aliens from another dimension into this one in 'The Mist' story because the military went and knocked on their front door.

Sound is a stronger element than Humanity realizes, well the uninitiated anyway.

All in all, I genuinely want to see that game happen. Even if not accurate, (because if it is, Kratos loses hard, it's not even a fight), the interpretation alone would be cool.

Though his death was trash, GOW Thor was awesome.

[fairys-dream]

wrote a vent piece using origins victor. yea.

actually its short enough i can probably just put it here too soooo under the cut ⤵️⤵️⤵️

When his Father died, Victor stole a pair of his jeans.

He went through his Fathers drawers and took it.

They were baggy at first, but with age, he grew into them.

The eventual rips and stains were his, but the jeans were still once worn by his Father.

He didn’t ever want to become Him.

Never wanted to hurt Jimmy like he had been at the hands and words of his Father.

But when he yelled, he heard His loud voice. And when he hit, he felt His fists as his own.

Jimmy never fought back.

Never even struggled the times he tightened the grip around his throat.

Victor wished he would.

He ached for him to show some hint of them being the same, selfishly, so he wouldn’t have to feel so guilty.

But part of him barely even registered it was wrong.

Jimmy was his family, his friend, and they needed eachother. They could never leave eachother, so why worry?

When the moment came that finally pushed Jimmy enough to fight back, he could tell the kid was giving his all. It wasn’t enough, but he was trying.

Victor laughed as he took the punches Jimmy threw at him, which only urged the other on more, to Victors delight. He wanted to see that same rage he showed the night he killed their father.

But, as the tears started to fall down Jimmys face, he knew it was time to stop.

As much as he internally wanted to keep pushing him, to keep feeding his own ego, he knew better than to make him cry any harder.

Anger Victor could deal with, but it pained his heart to see his little brother upset.

His father never seemed to notice anyones tears, but Victor saw Jimmys, and that gave him a sense of pride, even when being the rare cause of them in the first place.

Victor wrapped his arms around his brother held him close, nuzzling his face into his wild hair as a silent apology. And, as usual, Jimmy held him back just as tight.

The jeans he wore would always be his Fathers, regardless of the years spent owning them.

His genes would always be His.

Notes:

while at work today, i was thinking about how even though i had ripped holes into the jeans my father gave me as a teenager (that i was currently wearing and still wearing as i write this), they were still technically once his, even though i had made them my own.

so i put my thoughts of my own daddy issues + older brother issues through origins victor.

i dont remember much from my childhood or teen years, so i did my best to remember the reasoning behind the things i did and the ways i felt. i would like to think i was more good than bad, as we were once eachothers closest friend, but i really can only remember small bits and pieces. victor had a different experience since he had to actually take care of jimmy, and i sometimes wonder if i would have been nicer if that were the case with me and my younger brother. im better now, stopped being mean when i was 14, but we dont hangout anymore. my father never hit me, as far as i can remember, so im not sure where i got all the violence from….he was always blind to my tears though. that i do remember.

i had dinner with my father today. i havent lived with him in years and he feels like a stranger now. as we were leaving, he asked if the rips in my jeans were made by me. i said yes, and that the jeans used to be his. he didnt remember giving me them, but i swore that he did. thats probably symbolical for something.

[viriborne]

If you're still doing the character opinion thing-- Beel and Belphie? I feel like they're less liked in the fandom for two very diff reasons lol

Ough this is gonna be tough since I don't really like or dislike Beel ig? It's honestly mostly just how he's written with very little substance but ok here we go.

For Beel, I think he's a very VERY easy character interpret since...85% of his lines are usually about food...which can be very annoying for anyone who wants him to be of more substance (which he has the potential for being but uh. writing). I may just be projecting my own feelings but I feel like the main reason that Beel, in specific, is low in the rankings is because a lot of people just think he's...very boring and predictable. He was a character of substance in season 1 when he opened up to Mc about his guilt of choosing to save Belphegor over Lilith in the war and the fear of having his twin taken away from him and imprisoned by Diavolo. After that... he just because the food guy, honestly. I think him being one of the only brothers that openly cares deeply about his family is definitely interesting but it's not expanded upon nearly enough.

Also, I feel like the devs kind of...shifted his personality after the first season? Like he's much nicer and portrayed as more "sweet" than he was at the beginning?? I mean, in the first manga released from like.. the end of 2020 to the beginning of 2021, he literally tells Mammon to "shut up, man" when he was having an outburst. Idk, he doesn't seem to be as blunt and speak his mind as often. Hell, he was even the first character to point out that Mammon is soft on Mc and that was BEFORE Leviathan's pact. He goads Mammon into going through with stealing something from Mc and then points out that he knows he won't do it because Mammon likes them.

Onto Belphegor! My dearest dickhead whose head I wanna put in a blender. He very much as a severe case of youngest sibling syndrome despite him and Beel being...the same age. Even when you get past the whole "actually killing you" thing, he's still a massive asshole lol. Though, it's very funny seeing Lucifer fans hate Belphegor for the murder and occasional rudeness when uhhh I hate to say it but Lucifer is significantly worse in both departments. First of all, Lucifer canonically: beats you until pass out, attempts to murder you MORE THAN ONCE, one of these murder attempts happens almost immediately after he almost admits that he loves you, has a very hard time taking "no" for an answer (cough pact scene), has a massive ego that needs to constantly be stroked, I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS but this is about Belphie not him.

Despite all the shit I've talked about him so far, he's literally my third favorite brother lol. I like how blunt he can be at times as well as how he sometimes seems to goad Mc in order to just have their attention on him. He's a selfish little prick but only because he wants your attention, he's honestly almost as bad as Mammon in that way. I really wish more people would explore his character like that since he really is very sweet on Mc when you look at it. He really just seems like someone who's main way of flirting is teasing lol.

Also he's shy as hell when you actually give him what he wants, which is another funny Mammon similarity.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I wasn’t trying to be the blog police or anything. You made a lot of really good points. Sorry if my ask upset you.

-jump scare anon

Listen I know it seemed like I was reading you the riot act, and like I said I do know your heart is in the right place! But more than anything I was just trying to show that I actually put thought into my views on things.

Which is why I don't like being told to "be nicer" because frankly, I feel like I'm a generally nice person to begin with. Very rarely can you find me talking shit on here, and when you do, it's based on things someone has done, not their looks. But I say one random thing that isn't blandly servicing a dude's ego and suddenly it's like "hey, be better." Well... no. I won't lol. Because women spend way too much time being nice and accepting the vitriol that gets thrown at us every day. But I? Am not Michelle Obama. I do not subscribe to that 'when they go low, we go high' bullshit. I do not believe women need to constantly be thoughtful and sweet and grin and bear every social inequity with grace and silent poise. Look where it's gotten society. Let dudes start tasting their own medicine. Give them all the smoke right back. Because why can't conventionally ugly men who are with classically beautiful women be held to the same hypercritcal standards that conventionally unattractive women who are with more classically handsome men are held to? I'm not even saying they should be, I'm asking why can't they be? Especially when those same men set the tone. Cuz men sure have no problem slamming any person with comments about how the dude can do better or how disgusting their wife is or how old she is or how overweight she is. Relentless attacks. And not from just a few, it's overwhelming.

But I should never call a random dude ugly? Because women should be nicer? We should be better? Nah I'm good on that.

[2stregafangirl]

my SDR2 oc Moura Otonashi! AKA AI Junko’s/ Alter ego Junko’s killing game oc/ self made subordinate AI! He was made via her own data and some of Matsuda’s and Junko’s memories, he is based on what Junko imagines her’s and Matsuda’s son would be, hence why his last name is Otonashi, an time when she was more pure, he is introduced into SDR2 as an new arriving student to jabberwock/ the killing game during the start of chapter 2 as the SHSL/ ultimate psychoanalyst retaining some of the analytical abilities of Ryoko and Junko but unlike them he uses it to help others out of compassion and kindness as he is an nicer softer kinder ( although prone to impulse and acting mildly cold) and more empathetic individual thanks to the data needed for him to use his talent effectively and he basically wins everyone over after the chapter 2 trial by acting as some sort of therapist to everyone helping sooth things over while reporting to AI Junko that the killing game is going along with the plan, needless to say Nagito is extremely suspicious of him and even envious/ mildly jealous of how close Moura is getting with Hajime with Moura sensing the inner Izuru inside of him making hints about Izuru and the Kamakura project during his free time events during chapter 5 Nagito finds out the truth and realizes Moura’s striking similarity to Junko Enoshima herself and realizes that Moura must be the traitor and sets up the trap to make him the killer, but thanks to Nagito’s bad luck kicking in Chiaki makes the trap happen ultimately killing Nagito and getting executed, the truth is Chiaki wanted to protect Moura from being suspected and to protect his image as he is an nice AI like she is so she bares the sin “ of being the traitor” for Moura, after the trial In private Moura breaks down and admits to Hajime that he is the true traitor and that Chiaki took the blame for him and tells Hajime that there’s something he’s not allowed to tell Hajime, Hajime asks what but Moura can’t tell him about truly being Izuru making Hajime lose his trust in Moura about his true intentions thinking that he’s just faking his good guy act and he’s as evil as his creator when that’s far from the truth, the other survivors want to know why Hajime and Moura seems distant but Hajime says nothing, Moura during the glitching has an talk with AI Junko being mildly furious that Moura didn’t kill Nagito and she was going to call him useless but she realizes Moura is really one of an kind and her technical son and calms down, until Moura reveals that he will no longer be working for her and is joining the survivors side at which point Ai Junko casually and almost disturbingly cheerfully tells Moura she has no more use for him so he might as well die and join the loser brigade with the other survivors, during the final trial Moura is scared of Kyoko Makoto and Togami hating him due to not being apart of their plan but they like him for helping everyone stay sane, during the trials Ai Junko reveals that Moura is her accomplice and is the actual traitor and that Moura is just an Ai algorithm programmed to always rig the graduation process so Junkoland can begin, so he becomes locked into voting for Junkoland option until Moura establishes his own will and breaks free of ai Junko’s control and votes to graduate with the others, realizing he has no real body to wake up irl like everybody else because he is an algorithm he smiles and says his goodbyes to Hajime and the other survivors wishing them a good life, he appears in dr3 hope arc in an robot body

[kingmystrie]

what would arnie look like as a human. have you ever drawn that

Arnie (current) as a human. I think this version of Arnie would be AMAB but have gynecomastia.

but fun fact, ARNIELA WAS ORIGINALLY A HUMAN CHARACTER ACTUALLY! (more info below the cut)

So yeah Arnie used to be an OC I made for a deviantart roleplay group that I've left (I've mostly left the DA RP community as a whole save for two places, even then I'm not very active in them)

But Arnie is a character I've had for a while who was based on an earlier character I've had before called Agatha mixed with an earlier earlier version of Jasmine I made.

Arnie was my first attempt at making a chracter with my cultural and racial background who has slowly evolved to diverge and converge with who I am as a person overtime. They're very much a self insert oc but they have a very different life experience from me even though we are very similar in personality and impulses.

The original version of Arnie has some similar elements to current Arnie in that they're both black puerto rican furries with mommy issues and dead dads. (I'm similar to both in the sense I'm a black puerto rican furry with mommy issues, but a very much alive dad who was just absent from my childhood on occasion because of factors outside of his control)

The OG arnie was renamed Juan in the last few moments of being a part of this group as I wanted to make the two distinct from each other, so call em Juan por favor.

Juan is different from Arnie because Juan's mother is very much a part of Juan's life in fact, she's an emotionally abusive problem, and also Juan is a super powered vigilante who makes illegal gardens and does graffiti. Juan is also a lot nicer and I gave Juan piercings because piercings are cool.

Juan had these things called masks that made them superpowered which are superpowered because of aliens who look like pokemon (thats how the group worked)

They had the alter ego names Idyll and Ghost. Idyll being the goodra and Ghost being the mega mewtwo.

I would not recommend joining this group the people running it are terrible at de-escalating conflicts and are very quick to side with their friends over other members. Members in general tend to go for personal attacks immediately if you say something even mildly rude or negative about anything ever.

[hypersonicjd]

4. How many WIPs do you have right now?

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

8. What project(s) are you currently working o

4: Currently working on A New Frontier Chapter 6, a story with another fic writter SheepishWitch and technically Stream of Emotions, but I don't know if I will ever put out that one.

5: A fic idea that I've had that I'll never write is definitely Trans Dakota. Yeah I know everybody loves it and what not, but I genuinely think I won't ever try to do it. I won't do it justice and it might come off as wrong or something alike and I just don't wanna think about how wrong I could end up writing it.

6: Yeah actually. CharmmyColour's A Normal Life, It Will Have To be Enough, LadyJuse's Meet The Parents, GiantRoboticPlatypusButt's It's Pretty Messed Up, Rotg5311's Flesh, Sandwolf's Where Your Loyalties Lie and LonelyLittleShip's Touch Me (Please Don't Let me Fall) 7: I have way too many fic ideas lol. I have two more western AU's for Cavendish and Dakota, one where they are pretty bad bandits and another where Cavendish is a rich owner of an enterprise and Dakota is the sheriff of the town and they get to meet each other in a saloon, a what if AU where Cavendish fails his B.o.T.T test and Dakota never went there in the first place, with Dakota becoming part of a mafia and Cavendish a pianist, one that Dakota is tasked with getting rid of but is unable to because he ends getting attached to Cavendish. Another AU that I would love to work with other people for, but most likely won't happen: Actors AU where the characters of the show were actors the entire time and what we saw of the show was also a show in the AU's reality, with Milo actually being a pretty shy kid and somewhat scared of interacting, Melissa being softer, Zack being a lot more confident on himself and being a star talent, Cavendish being a lot grumpier (yes even more) and an ego machine that will smack a water bottle away because it wasn't room temperature, but will still have a nicer side buried underneath all of that, while Dakota's a bit more closed off, quieter and tries to be Cavendish's friend. That does work for the most part and Cavendish would indeed consider him a friend, but you wouldn't think that's the case at all. I am honestly still missing ideas but these are the ones that I thought would be neat to share for now.

8: I am currently working on A New Frontier, my most treasured AU yet, which has Cavendish as a seasoned Earth agent that was sent to Mars, a place that's basically a mostly terraformed western planet and that will teach him new things in life and meet someone completely new: Vinnie Dakota, a lawman that's lived most of his life in there and hates folk from Earth, due to the culture surrounding it. Although the more he gets to know Cavendish, the more he will grow fond of him, the pair will learn stuff from their upbringings, see things in life differently, make Cavendish relive things from his past and the duo will be involved in a massive plot that's been orchestrated by a lot of people in the shadows.

I know a lot of people have told me that I really shouldn't be considering this piece of work my peak, but I really feel that is going to be the case lol. It has everything I have ever loved in terms of aesthetics, characters, interactions and storytelling and I don't think I'll ever have as much fun or put so much thought into things as what I'll try to do for this AU. I am seriously looking forward to working on it and I really wanna deliver something that will leave an impact in a lot of people. Thank you so much for your questions!