#who feels like this

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

"but wouldn't you rather think that every day be a good day?" "stop attention seeking" "just be positive!"

it is not realistic for me to have every day be a good day. it's just not. i will live the rest of my life with sporadic good days sandwiched between seemingly endless bad days.

and i'm not seeking attention (altho if i was, that would be okay. some humans need more attention than others, some humans need less. it's okay to seek your needs)

and i know that there are people who have it worse and i know that there are people who have bad days every day, i know

but having a good day, or a few, with minimal pain (never no pain, not anymore, i don't even remember what that's like), and decent mobility and low brain fog and an okay mood, followed by weeks or months of bad days?

it's heartbreaking.

sometimes, i'll get two weeks of that, just enough to think "maybe this time i'm getting better" (and then scold myself because you can never think that, it always jinxes it), and then everything crashes into me and i'm thrown back into the deep end

i've has screaming crying meltdowns because i had a thought abt how surprised i was that i'd been feeling good lately, and then was absolutely convinced that i'd feel like shit the next day bc i jinxed it and had to try to "make up for it" somehow by thinking negatively or smth

i've set plans and started projects and then woken up the next day barely able to move and had to cancel and those projects are still unfinished on the floor

and the doctors will never, ever believe me bc i'm young and afab and all the tests come back negative and "aren't you happy? we've crossed some things off." "aren't you glad you don't have these terrible things?"

NO. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME I WANT TO GET MEDS THAT HELP I WANT TO HAVE A SOLID COMMUNITY AND JOIN SUPPORT GROUPS AND GET A DIAGNOSIS AND HAVE DOCTORS BELIEVE ME

I WANT TO WAVE THE PIECE OF PAPER THAT DECLARES ME LEGALLY DISABLED AROUND IN THE FACE OF EVERY PERSON WHO EVER DOUBTED ME AND GO "SEE?!?!?"

bc i don't need their validation and i don't need their acceptance and i don't technically need accommodations, none of that is necessary to my survival, but fucking shit it would be good to have, even if only a tiny little bit, even if only abt just one thing or one aspect

and maybe i should be glad that i'm not worse off, maybe i should be glad that i can do some things independently and i don't have higher support needs

but not high doesn't mean low, doesn't mean none

i am angry and sad and tired and frustrated and anxious and upset and stressed and so many negative emotions so often bc of my disabilities that no one believes i have

i am in pain and suffering and between being young, afab, and poor i can do almost nothing abt it

and then slap a handful of disabilities on top and you have a pile of mush screaming and wishing that it could just pop out of existence like it never was in the first place

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

Love it when Rolling Stone puts out an article about the 25 most influential internet creators and I've only heard of 7 of them

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[aropride]

interaction i have with shocking regularity is when someone’s complaining abt someone they know and theyre like “ughh they’re 21 and dont have a job and refuse to learn to drive” and then they remember who they’re talking to (me. 21 cant work cant drive) and go like

[trudlejack]

(+part 2)

[linktoo-doodles]

resurrection is sort of romantic, isnt it

[christadeguchi]

i'll let phie-san say it:

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Must be a Sugondese joke.

[black-quadrant]

y’all remind yourselves your account is your space. you’re not a performance. you’re not annoying by being yourself. if people aren’t into it they can leave. you’re not obligated to please anyone, especially at the cost of your personal expression. the worst thing you can do for your online enjoyment is to filter or censor yourself.

[hinamie]

mentor

[catmask]

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

[mynnthia]

was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.

to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:

kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him

[cat-in-a-mech-suit]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.

[isjasz]

Stellar death

[adjit]

I think we need to get more comfortable with the idea that sometimes shitty, racist, homophobic, bigoted people are still incredibly talented.

I feel like every time I see a post addressing someone’s shitty behavior the post also takes the time to mention that they’re not even good at [x] anyway. And that’s just not always true? Equating being good at a skill as being morally good is just not necessary. Someone can be a fantastic writer, can have a beautiful singing voice, can create breathtaking artwork, and still be a horrible person.

I know part of this is probably just the instinct to dislike everything about a person when you dislike them, but I also think this mindset leads to people defending creatives way past where they should, because if bad people create bad art, then if this person creates art that I like and resonates with me, then they can’t be a bad person!

And you know. That’s just not true. Those two things are simply completely unconnected and I think it’d be healthier if we all started disconnecting them in our heads.

[roninkairi]

You can only reblog this today.*

*PLEASE READ THE TAGS