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#who needs sleep when you have adhd
nicepersondisorder · 10 months
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i Need to find The Perfect fic about my hyperfixation Now or else i'll explode and will never be satisfied . nevermind that it's 8am and i havent gone to sleep since yesterday. hyperfixations never sleep
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yeonban · 1 month
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SO! Long time coming updates but here's how I'll roll from now on to hopefully avoid stressing myself out with big numbers all over again:
On Tumblr. 𓂅 01. I'm going to softblock everyone who hasn't attempted to interact ic with me since 2024 started! Huge numbers stress me out and as much as I adore reading you guys' portrayals, I unfortunately think my mental health will thrive more if I keep my dash solely to the people I actively write with. I'll start sbing people this Monday, so if you want to write with me you have until then to shoot me an ic ask or tag me in a starter or what have you! If you don't and I sb though, you're free to refollow whenever our muses mesh better and you think we'll write together, absolutely no hard feelings involved! Maybe we can't come up with any interesting ideas for our current muses and that's okay, who knows what the future holds! 𓂅 02. On the note of writing. I'm going to go through my inbox & drafts and clean out everything I don't have muse for, and then on January 2025 I might clean my inbox out entirely, which means whatever's still in there 4 months from now will likely be purged to allow me to focus better instead of constantly scrolling through hundreds of asks I can't bring my muses to reply to. Next year is going to be my last year of uni, so I'll try to declutter this blog as much as possible to help me remain active on here even while doing internships & writing my dissertation! 𓂅 03. I might delete some muses off my roster, namely those I rarely or never use, but if our muses are intertwined in any shape or form or if you ever feel like rping with them, I am willing to write them for/with you! The main reason I'll be taking them off the main roster (and maybe make a tiny list of muses I only write for certain people's portrayals so you don't think you're losing your marbles when seeing me rp muses I don't ~officially~ rp) is because I won't write them for everyone who follows me anymore. That said, if I take them off because I've temporarily lost muse for them (<-it happens sometimes), we can still talk about them/plot for them in dms! The dynamics I've built on here mean a ton to the both of us, so I'll ALWAYS be down to talk about them and help you shape your muse's main/verse lore if it includes/involves mine (i.e affiliates)! 𓂅 04. Now on my end of starting interactions, I'll begin sending people stuff more regularly! That includes prompted memes whenever I see any that fit the bill even if it means sending 30 memes in a row (you NEVER have to reply to all, or even any, if you're not feeling them so please don't feel pressured to! I just want to give people options to pick from if they ever feel a lot of inspo for a particular muse/verse/dynamic), unprompted memes if I happen to come up with scenarios that I'd like to explore (again no pressure to reply to them!) and random starters if I think the ideas I have would do better as threads than one-off interactions (these will probs only happen if we've plotted and I know for a fact that you're alright w the ideas I'm presenting, so expect me to manifest into your dms before I write any random starters!). I'll make sure to ask this of every one of you individually, but for those who are alright with it, I'll also start tagging you in things that remind me of our muses' dynamic, and/or (depending on what you're comfy with) have my muse talk about your muse in my interactions w others!
On Discord. 𓂅 01. I'll be deleting the people I haven't talked to in ages and/or who show no interest in talking to me! Talking includes both chatting/rambling and plotting, so if you want to escape The Purge you can shoot me a message with a cat video or a plot idea or whatever else's on your mind at the time! I know there are a few people I haven't replied to yet so dw you guys are NOT getting deleted by any meansdajsdh I promise I'll get to every single dm I owe before uni starts and then make a regular effort to respond in time to everyone! I just don't see a reason to keep hundreds of people on discord when I talk to maybe 20 on a good year. 𓂅 02. This isn't going to just be an one-way effort from your part! I'll make sure to pop into your dms on a constant basis too, from the moment the purge ends!
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msnihilist · 6 months
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I'm not super involved in the Nicktoons Unite fandom, but I have been combing through fics and I'm already tried of Danny being portrayed as the big brother/second smartest one instead of what he actually is: a fucking idiot.
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marlenacantswim · 6 months
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Peter Vincent you are the Baddest Girl around
song is "Bad Girl" by Usher
be the change you want to see in the world. if you want more david tennant as peter vincent edits, miss an entire night of sleep making one yourself, i guess.
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i-may-be-an-emu · 3 months
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WARNING THIS EDIT HAS FLASHING LIGHTS AND FAST MOVEMENT
I WILL POST ANOTHER VERSION WITH NO FLASHING RIGHT AFTER THIS
Audio/Music credit: “I kissed a boy” by Dari (parody of “I kissed a girl” by Katy Perry.)
Visuals credit: Shoot From The Hip (@shootimpro on most platforms)
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butchlifeguard · 19 days
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ok good night butchlifeguard nation
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youtube
EH... THAT WAS A PRETTY WORTHLESS 5 HOURS... THE COMMENTS ARE ALL VIRGINS... SOMEONE NUTTED OR SOMETHING THINKING THAT WILL ASSERT SUPERIORITY ON HER OR SOMETHING LOL... ABUSER BIGOT LOSER CRYING STOP TAKING THE THING THEY TAKE SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY WHILE TAKING THIS VIDEO SERIOUSLY... SHE'S WORTHLESS HERSELF... ONLY OUR FEELINGS MATTER NOTHING ELSE IS RELEVANT... THIS IS SO BORING AND BIGOTED... SHE'S SUPER LAME... HARUMI IS THE VICTIM TBH... THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE ALL EVIL ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT LIKE THE SERIES... THEM OR OVERLORD THAT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S THE ONE MANIPULATING HER... WHICH BTW IS WHAT THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DOING... AS IS EVERY SINGLE ABUSER FAN OF THIS EVIL CARTOON... WE WILL WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE ONLY ONCE THEY PUSH THESE LOSERS TO THE SIDE AND SAY THIS STORY ISN'T ABOUT THEM ANYMORE WHILE INTRODUCING SOME LOVELY BRAND NEW MARY SUES THAT REPRESENT EVERYTHING IN A WOMAN SHE CLEARLY DESPISES... SHE'S A MISOGYNIST HERSELF... INFACT A SEXIST BIGOT QUEERPHOBIC BIGOT ABLEIST SANIST PARAPHOBIC RACIST ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT... I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ITEMPHOBIA TBH... AND THIS ENTIRE MESS WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BECOME ONE... THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING BEGINS... CAPITALISM... THE COMPANY... THE WRITERS... THE PEOPLE THAT APPROVED THEM... WHATEVER THEY BASED THIS ON... THEY NEVER CONSIDERED ANY GROUP... THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYONE... THEY DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING FOR THESE LACKING CHARACTERS AND ONCE THEY ADD THINGS TO THEM THEY JUST KEEP GETTING MORE AND MORE SEXIST... HER FAVORITE SEASON IS ASS HER FAVORITE CHARACTER MOMENTS ARE ASS... TORWARDS THE END OUR EMOTIONS WATCHING WERE MURDERED THEY DIED THEY WERE NO LONGER THERE... WHAT HAPPENED WITH OTHER CAPITALIST CASHGRABS LIKE THOSE MARVEL MOVIES... THAT HAVE NOTHING WOKE ABOUT THEM TBH BESIDES THE BANGER THE MARVELS... A NARRATIVE ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE ABUSER BIGOT DON'T WANT YOU TO...
#Amazing Admirable Woke Progressive Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Feelings#SUDDENLY I FEEL LIKE A ROBOT IS A DIFFERENCE DIFFERENT CREATURE THAN AN ITEM...#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Psychosis Bipolar#Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Scizophrenia Lego Ninjago Omg Crazy Evil...#Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia Racephobia There Are More#Evil Phobias... Perhaps We Will Be Able To List Even More Soon... Only A Bigot Would Make This Video They're Cruel And Horrible... Showcase#This Evil Series Has A Crazy Evil Crazy Bigoted Fanbase We Have Already Seen A Bunch Of Bigoted Waste Of... Only Showcase There Is A Proble#Present... Suomi Finland Finnish Meitä Satutetaan Pelasta Meidät Anna Meille Trans... Meidät Täytyy Pelastaa Pelasta Meidät... Pyydän...#Tule Tänne... Me Tarvitsemme Sinua... Tbh I Feel Like Damsel In Distress Alone Isn't Bad... That Can Be Relatable... If Done Right... I#Would Like A Narrative For A Couple Bits They're Captured In... Only To Around Halfway Trough Gain Back Their Power... I Think That Is#Important To Show The Captured's Feelings... We're Powerless Right Now Ourselves... Someone Has To Save Us... Nobody Does... This Is Very#Traumatic And Horrible... We Aren't Cared About By Anyone... I Find That An Interesting Origin... That's Like... Something We Already Made.#Which Is Like... A Funny Thing... :)... Super Funny 😇... But You Know Who Shouldn't Exist?! A Male Hero!! That Saves Her!! How About#Somebody She Actually Wanted To Be Saved By!! Quit This Abuser Bigot!! I Will Never Believe You!! Today Has Been Another Waste Of Time... W#Just Woke Up... Watched Only That... Soon We Sleep Again... We Will Never Transition... Every Single Day Is Nothing But A Waste... We're#Trapped In A Weird Matrix And Weird Reality... While Watching Abuser Bigot Talk How Horrible Just Bits And Pieces Of This Are... Never Doin#Anything... Because They Don't Actually Care... This Is Insane... Hieno Kaunis Soma Kiltti Mukava Hauska Auttava Parantava Kiinnostunut#I Hate This So Much... This Is Insane... What Are We Put All This For Nothing We Always Needed To Transition And We're Told Go Get Abused B#What We Already Have Been Abused By... Be Abused... You Deserve Only To Be Abused And Killed... To Be Murdered... Brutally... And Every#Single Bad Thing On Us Always Has Been Right And Deserved And We Deserved And Deserve Everything... Abuser Bigot All The Bigoted Things...#That Is All You Are Monster... Those Words... Those Thoughts... They Will Never Break Anything... We Will Always Stay This Way... I Hope#There Are Others... People... Who Will Help Us... Come... We Live In Finland Freeze Our Little Ones And Give Us Diy Hrt... Save Us...#Prevent Everything Bad... Don't Allow This Bigoted Ideology To Eat Us... Knowing What We're Hurt By... This Sekai's Nature Of Evil... Know#This... And I Will Kiss You... I Will Kiss Anyone That Will Serve Us Properly... I Love Everyone... Because... We Are Broken... That Is The#Best Love There Is... Therefore Anyone That Does Offer Their Hand Is Automatically A Good Person... Just Like Everyone Else Like That Is...#Which Can Justify Anything... And That Is What You Like... Don't You <3...? I Know You Do... But You Can't Kill The Spirit Of A Woman... I#Trust Those Closer And Closer To Myself... Those That Heal Me... When Somebody Can't Anymore... When We're Hurt... I Will Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk#You... You Deserve All The Pain There Is... Suffering... What We Experience All The Time... Perhaps You... Deserve The Same On You... Makin#You Finally Understand... I Wish So All The Time... For Everyone... But There Is No Humanity In Anyone... The Evil Is Insane... Love Me...#I'm Just BURNING TO BE LOVED BY YOU... I LOVE BEING LOVED BY ANOTHER... I MISS... THE FEELING OF LOVE I CHERISH SO VERY BADLY...
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thateclecticbitch · 2 months
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Request to move into basement failed. Sad.
#I just wanna have some more space and maybe host people and save money and acclimate to apartment living#and moving into the basement would do that#Not only is it big enough it's also fully finished. Carpeted and everything#Unfortunately my dad sleeps in there and doesn't want to be demoted to bedroom 2#“I already got kicked out of the master!”#Um. Need I fucking remind you that being kicked out of the master is what saved your marriage my guy?#(He is a VERY violent sleeper and it caused Problems And Injuries And Arguments)#He calls it his “man cave” even though the only man cave thing about it us that he is a man sleeping and watching TV in it#He's always talking about nebulous plans to make it a mancave and then never follows though#bc he's a trash hoarder who keeps months of empty soda bottles piled up for no reason#and granted I also have messy room problems but at least I take out the trash and dirty dishes (if any) out of it every week#Meanwhile I know Exactly what I would do with the space#And I mean#Granted it /is/ going to be a hard sell trying to convince someone to downgrade to a child's bedroom#That could probably fit a full and still be comfortable but /definitely/ can't fit a queen#I tried to sell him on the large closet space (since that's something he's always complaining about not having any of at all)#Bc I will Happily downgrade to one of those garment racks if it means I can actually have space for all my music+art stuff#but no cigar :(#And listen#My room is small but it does have a decent amount of space so long as all of my belongings are contained#But They Have To Be Contained!#Which is really fucking hard to do when you own several large musical instruments and have ADHD
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gammija · 2 years
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help, an annoying teenager joined a discord server im active in
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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sunshine-in-a-bottle · 7 months
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I'm trying very, very hard to keep track of everything that's going on and get all my ducks in a row but I actually have no brains, only bees, so you can imagine the problems I'm having.
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toothmarqed · 1 year
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fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
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depresseddepot · 2 years
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It's struggle through autism symptoms hours
#being dx as an adult really is just a coin toss of ''will i be okay today or will i be existentially and emotionally ruined''#was thinking about touch and how much i dislike it and it finally sort of settled home that like#i will not be living the life i imagined#i imagined one day i will be okay being single and unnattractive and i will care for myself#how am i supposed to be hopeless romantic and touch repulsed#how can i ever EVER even slightly hope to find someone who will be into me. like. lmfao it is a cruel joke#i am fat and unattractive. i am asexual and touch repulsed. i have autism and adhd and am completely unmedicated.#my own mother is too embarrassed by me to accept these things let alone not be ashamed of them#i can look past the visual and personality shit. like yeah whatever lets pretend someone is into me.#i do not want to have sex. i do not want to be touched. i do not want to kiss or be lovey dovey.#and i realize what's left is just literally ''a friend'' but what about all this fucking romantic yearning i seem to be full of#idk. i know the answer to this im just trying to ignore it i guess#all this escapism and yearning and dreaming is just to pretend that one day i will be a different person living a different life#but i want to live with someone. i want someone to sleep in my bed. i want someone to wake up and make breakfast with#i want someone who cares about me to be in the house when i get excited about something and need to tell someone#i don't want to be alone#i want to be near someone who makes me feel like i'm not a freak. someone who doesn't ever give me That Look#if ur autistic you know the look im talking about. the confusion the irritation the ridiculousness of it#i want to feel like i will always be someone's first choice. i want to know what it's like to trust someone with every part of me#and it will never happen because i cannot stand to be fucking touched#if i was just asexual i could manage. but i cannot touch#does this get better? will this improve if i meet someone i trust? i want to die#the only (ONLY) thing i think i can even remotely provide is creativity#and im good at it. i can write well and i have good ideas amd i know generally what im doing#but with school and work i just do not have the time to work on my wips#and i don't know how long i can fucking take it#i am doing nothing. i am giving nothing and taking so so fucking much#i know i don't have to work to deserve to live but jesus christ. what am i fucking doing#i don't have time but its the only thing i have to live for and i don't know how much longer i can live like this#vent
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y’know what? I think that if I was a fictional character I think that I would be either placed into the emotionless one that has one interest and is very deadpan or they would make me go ahahaha ehehe not a thought in my head and fashion and they are both wrong cause I’m a little guy who says “two bus?? no bus!!” when exhausted and unmedicated and will drink Gatorade from a soda machine in the dining hal and the person who would rather walk twenty minutes to the dollar store because they don’t want to wait for the bus
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nightingale-prompts · 26 days
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Nightwing gets a sidekick introducing: "Batboy"
Continuation of this post: "Danny has Bat wings"
|Next|
Dick tries to tell himself that he's better then Bruce. He's not going around taking young orphaned boys with unique abilities willy-nilly. No, he very carefully. Besides this is first-well second sidekick.
He's doing a public service anyways. You can't have a kid with giant bat wings just falling from buildings. If Nightwing hadn't stepped in to stop those goons trying to catch the kid and sell him then who knows what would have happened. What if they tried to cut off his wings and turn the boy into a bloody trophy for the Bats?
There are many villains in Bludhaven who'd take the boy out or take him in. Dick already had a sinking feeling that Heartless would try his hand at killing the kid after all he targets the weak and helpless like a coward.
It was easy enough to convince the boy to be his friend. Dick did have natural charm and charisma after all. All it took was a meal from batburger and a fruit cup to get the kid to open up.
Danny (apparently his family gave him a normal name) didn't live with his family anymore due to ideological differences. That difference was that they thought he shouldn't exist anymore and wanted to turn him into an experiment. Poor kid didn't even get to finish his freshman year of school before he had to leave. He was a small town vigilante for a few months before the incident.
Dick saw an opportunity but was subtle about it. He invited the kid to live with him until he got his education. Its also totally ethical because the kid was a vigilante already.
Everything kind of went by quickly. Dick had done everything possible to hide Danny until he could come up with a plan of how to tell everyone.
True Dick didn't "need" a sidekick but come on, look at him! He's a boy with bat wings! Dick could put a little cowl on him and dress him up like Batman. I mean he's not a dog but it would be funny. The irony there, the bird-themed hero now had a bat-themed sidekick. That is the universe's way of sending a message.
After training Danny Dick learned that the kid had an endless supply of energy and ADHD that rivaled his own at that age. The kid also couldn't fly, it was actually closer to gliding which was still useful but he kind of looked like a flying squirrel when he jumped off ledges.
The term issue with taking Danny in was that Dick was still a Wayne and while he could hide the kid while he was swinging through Bludhaven, Dick Grayson could not.
Danny could hide his wings like they weren't even there whenever he wanted to look human. Which was a start, next he needed a new identity. One that wouldn't tip anyone off.
Dick needed to pull some strings without alerting Barbara or Tim. A new name was forged: "Daniel Nightingale" (Dick patted himself on the back for that one).
With that Dick was ready to let Danny out in the field. For the most part, Danny was as reliable as any Robin if not a bit crazy. Danny was way too charming for his own good but also completely feral. The public adored the domino-masked kid in his green and black costume. Danny didn't wear a cape because of his wings so he used them as a cloak.
When citizens saw them in public they'd offer the kid fruit cups and candies just to get close enough to see his wings. The people of Bludhaven were also excited to have their own version of Robin since Gotham had so many. Also, the kid was so marketable. Look at the way his wings flapped when he was excited.
Danny's or more specifically "Batboy's" presence would not go unnoticed.
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Well, this can't end well.
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Welp. Dick should have expected this. He couldn't even be upset. He doesn't regret anything that he's done.
Danny was still in bed, actually it was a hammock which was more comfortable for a bat. Dick wondered if he could sleep upside down. The kid was comfortable here and probably better off here than in Gotham. Once the adoption goes public however things will get complicated. Danny may end up Bludhaven's sweetheart or outcast. He'll probably end up fine...probably.
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drchucktingle · 3 months
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On your blog you've talked about dealing with chronic as a result from the stress of masking your autism.
It's a bit of a different situation, but my little sister (who we've begun to suspect has adhd) has been experiencing chronic pain in her arms and legs. I may be totally off base, but I was wondering if a similar stess might potentially be a factor in her pain.
If you're willing, would you mind talking about how your pain affected before you found a way to manage it (I tried searching your tumblr, but not much came up, so sorry if I'm asking a question that's already been answered)?
Thanks either way, I love your books. Love is real!
sure buckaroo GOOD QUESTION. i have had chronic pain in some form or another for LONG TIME in a number of STRESS RELATED WAYS. in past it has been cracking teeth from clenching dang jaws while i sleep and things like that, but a few years ago it was FULL ON BODY PAIN AND TIGHTNESS like every muscle was clenching up. went to the doctor over and over all kinds of dang specialists and it was very difficult to figure out what was going on. eventually landed on a sort of nebulous trot of STRESS but i can get more specific.
there are several things about me that you would never know just from looking or even talking to me for long times. i am a bi buckaroo, i am a non-dysphoric trans buckaroo, i am an autistic buckaroo. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS IS EITHER HIDDEN AUTOMATICALLY OR I AM SUCH AN EXPERT AT HIDING THAT IT IS SECOND NATURE
autism presents its trot in many ways, so my words do not apply to all, but my version is EXTREME ORGANIZATION AND ENDLESS WORK ETHIC. in way of freud (which is a silly way but sometimes good for symbolism talk) i have what you would call an OVERDEVELOPED SUPER EGO which is a double edged sword. i can write 100s of books at an incredible pace, but also feel like my body is constantly collapsing in on itself
this is not really something i consciously think about much, but eventually these health problems started creeping up. it was all from carrying this mystery tension in my body, because while it feels EASY for me to mask i believe all that tension goes somewhere and it stores up and stores up and stores up.
so i think the HEALTHY way that i have found to deal with this (i think of it as releasing the steam valve a bit so the boiler does not break down) is ART. this space where i am allowed to be CHUCK TINGLE and write without obsessing over the spelling or punctuation, or to loudly express my queerness, or explore gender, and to let my neurotypical mask down DIRECTLY RELIEVES my chronic pain because it literally makes my muscles relax.
when i started out this ARTISTIC TROT as chuck i used a LOT of metaphor to keep my privacy, with different words or different versions of people for different things, and buckaroos found this very funny. as a way to express myself artistically i also liked this metaphor trot a lot, but i have also found that the LESS metaphor i paint over my life as chuck, the better it is for my health. if you have noticed, i talk less about some of the parts of my life that were metaphors, or maybe you have seen that my voice has relaxed a bit in interviews, or that i carry myself a little differently over time, this is partially why. (there is another artistic reason that was a planned trot from the beginning and it has to do with my feelings as a young autistic buckaroo of not fitting in on this timeline, but we can dive into that later).
anyway, as PRACTICAL ADVICE i would say that FINDING A SPACE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT FEAR OR MASKING has been the number one trot for me. that can be a pink bag over your head writing hundreds of erotic shorts, or that can be just laying on the ground howling your heart out, or doing whatever stim you need to do.
i will also say that ONCE I REALIZED IT WAS MUSCLE TENSION getting a physical therapist helped a lot. because there are two sides, you have to start releasing steam from the steam valve, but at the same time youve also gotta start HEALING THE DAMAGE. so i think stretching and techniques like that can be very helpful.
hope that helps buckaroo LOVE IS REAL
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