#why do i do this to myself again it’s like i can’t even start on most things unless it’s last minute

[crazy4leclerc]

imgonnagetyouback — c.l.

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary: you and charles have been broken up for a couple months now, but things take a turn when he sees you at a race and then with his teammate at the after party.

warnings: angst, jealous!charles, possessiveness?, swearing, alcohol, kissing, making out, charles being needy, and lil bit of sexual scenes

a/n: based off taylor’s new song ofc ;)

—

it’s been months since i’ve been to a race due to mine and charles’ break up but i was dragged here since my best friend, shelbi, is now currently dating lando norris.

“y/n, can you keep up? i’m dying to get to the mclaren garage to see lando!” shelbi whined to me as i was dragging behind her, arms covering myself in hopes that no one will see me or recognize me.

“i’m sorry shelbs, you know how out of place i feel here since the breakup.” she stops and walks back to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “i understand, im sorry for dragging you here, i just wanted you to meet lando since you never have.” she says with a smile on her face.

i’m happy for her. i really am but i just wasn’t happy being at a race since every little thing reminded me of charles.

as we make our way past all the paddocks i was not pleased to see that mclarens was right next to ferrari.

“oh fuck me.” i grown out and shelbi only giggles, “you’ll be fine!” i roll my eyes at her as she tugs me into the garage. i watch as shelbi runs over to lando with his arms wide open for her. a smile graces my face at their interaction.

“y/n, this is lando. lando this is my best friend, y/n.” she introduces us, “i feel like i’ve seen you before.” he tells me and i want to die on the spot.

“uhm, yeah.. i used to be with charles.” i noticed a frown come across his face, “im sorry about that. if it makes you feel any better, i don’t think he’s doing too well.” he tells me as shelbi has her arm around his waist.

“well that serves him right. i hope he suffers!” she says and me and lando both laugh at her statement. “i can show you around the circuit if you ladies want me to?” he asks and we both oblige.

—

as we’re walking around the circuit, i can’t help but awe at how cute lando and my best friend are. i sneak some pictures of them as we continue to walk, but only being stopped by fans every now and then.

“y/n? is that you?” i hear a thick accent say behind me. it takes me a bit to register who’s voice it is but as i turn around, the biggest smile spreads across my face.

“carlos!” i say as i jog to him and wrap my arms around him.

“what are you doing here?” he asks as he pulls away and sets his hands on shoulders. “i’m here with my best friend, she’s dating lando.” i say as i point back to where they’re now standing, greeting a fan.

he nods and lets go of me, “i really never thought i’d see you again, at least so soon.” i laugh awkwardly since i already know charles will be a hot topic in our conversation, “yeah, me either. i was forced into coming but i will do anything for my best friend, even if i have to see him again.” he smiles at me and says, “well that is why you’re such an amazing person.”

i blush at his words and thank him. “don’t feel too bad, charles has been having it a bit rough since they breakup.” carlos tells me truthfully. i sigh, “i mean it’s only been a couple of months, i think he would move on by now.” carlos shakes his head no, “you’re crazy if you think anyone would want to move on from you.”

i don’t wanna be crazy but is he flirting?

“is this spaniard harassing you, y/n?” lando says as him and shelbi make their way over to us. i giggle and tell him no.

“she’s an old friend! don’t be like that you asshole.” carlos says as he smacks landos chest. me and shelbi giggle at them. “yes, carlos is right.”

we all stand around chatting to one another since the race didn’t start for a little bit longer, carlos says he has an interview so we bid farewells, “see you around?” he asks and i shake my head, “yes, i’ll see you.” he smiles and surprisingly kisses my cheek goodbye.

“he wants you.” lando says to me as carlos was walking away. i smack my forehead and shake my head, “no, he shouldn’t.” shelbi smirks at me, “he does, i think the flirting was obvious. he was shooting his shot since he knows your now single.”

i groan, “what is up with these god damn ferrari drivers.”

—

as we make our way back down to the garage, i could almost feel his gaze staring holes into me. i refused to look anywhere near the ferrari garage but of course, carlos had seen me once again.

“y/n! come look at the new livery for the race!” i’m literally going to off myself. shelbi gives me a comforting squeeze on my arm, “you should go. make charles jealous, espically of his own teammate.”

i make my way over to carlos with a smile on my face. “new livery?” i ask and he nods, grabbing my arm to pull me into the garage.

charles doesn’t go unnoticed. i can sense him, almost feel him everyone around me. i’ve yet to take a full look at him, only glancing in my peripheral as carlos shows me his car and what is all new about it.

“i like the designs that are on it.” i tell carlos and he hums as he begins to put on his racing suit.

i feel so awkward since i’ve never been too close with carlos before but i help but hear shelbi’s words ringing in my head.

“can you help me?” carlos asks and i make my way over to him. “zip me?” i can’t help but laugh at the situation, “i think it’s supposed to be the other way around but sure.” i giggle as i began to zip up his suit.

then all of a sudden i was aware of how close i was to carlos. i could feel his breath fanning on my face and i felt like i could barely breathe. not because of our close proximity, but because of charles staring daggers into me. and that’s when i snapped my eyes to meet his.

dark green. staring right back at me. he had this dark look in his eyes that i couldn’t make out. but if this is what jealousy looked like, he sure as hell pulled it off god damn well.

honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean

i forced myself to look away, gulping, i step back from carlos and give him a smile. “thanks, sweetheart.” he gives me a smirk as he reaches for his balaclava and helmet. “good luck out there, carlos.” i tell him as he puts on the balaclava. “i think i got my good luck charm here with me.”

i swear he’s got to be doing it on purpose.

“i’m not!” he laughs and grabs my arm, “well i guess we have to wait and see.” he says as he leans down once again to kiss my cheek.

in front of charles.

fuck me.

—

well to say i was a good luck charm is an understatement since carlos did win the race.

i’m currently in the back of landos mclaren as he drives me and shelbi to where the after party will be.

“carlos is about to pounce on you. i can feel it.” shelbi says and i groan, “please. he’s attractive but i think in my books no one can beat my ex.” shelbi rolls her eyes at me, “girl you have got to move on and carlos is right there!”

“yeah but i’m not like that! im not over charles!” i exclaim and that’s when lando butts in, “look i get where you’re coming from, but i think for tonight, just flirt back, make charles crawl in his skin seeing you all up and close with carlos.”

i sigh, “okay. fine. i’m gonna get him back.”

—

the second i stepped in the door of where the party was it was like my presence summoned carlos.

“there’s my good luck charm!” he exclaims and i blush at his words. he makes his way over to me, hand outstretched and i take it. his warm hand grasps mine as he leads me over to the bar.

“a drink for my good luck charm. because of you, i won the race.” he whispers in my ear and slides a drink over to me.

“thank you.” i tell him and he wraps his arm around my waist. “don’t thank me, i’m going to continue to thank you.” he smiles at me and guides me to sit in the bar stool.

but then again, charles’ presence doesn’t come unknown. i can hear him down at the end laughing at some joke max made.

standing at the bar like something’s funny

after my drink, carlos asks me to dance and i don’t deny. i’m getting revenge.

carlos grabs my waist as i wrap my arms around his shoulders. “did you have fun at the race?” he asks and i nod. “just making sure. i know it was hard going back to one.” well shit. am i that easy to read?

“it wasn’t too bad. you made it worth while.” i smile at him as he squeezes my waist.

carlos spins us around and that’s when i make eye contact with charles again and i don’t hold back the smirk on my face.

whether i’m gonna be your wife or..

he’s sitting at the bar now, hand gripping a glass so hard his veins look like they’re about to pop out.

gonna smash up your bike i haven’t decided yet

“i can’t forget to tell you how beautiful you look tonight.” carlos whispers in my ear, “thank you.” he smiles down at me. “don’t worry about him, yeah?” i nod and wrap my arms tighter around him, soaking in this moment.

but i’m gonna get you back

after dancing, i excuse myself from carlos to go to the restroom. he kisses my cheek as i part ways from him.

once i’m in the bathroom i decided to freshen myself up and just take a breather because what the hell am i doing?

i’m not over charles. i’m not one to make anyone jealous, but here i am.

“making me jealous tonight, are we?” i nearly jump at the sound of his voice.

“what the fuck are you doing in here?” i grip the sink as i see charles standing a few feet away from me.

a smirk spreads across his face, “i think you’re good at playing whatever game you’re trying to play, mon cheri.”

“don’t even think about using that on me. you have some nerve coming in here.” i scoff. “i think you asked for it.” he says as he makes his way over to me.

“fuck you. you’re an asshole.” i roll my eyes at him.

whether i’m gonna curse you out or..

i collect myself, ignoring his presence as i turn away and begin to walk away only for him to grab my wrist and pin me against the door.

“don’t leave. i know you don’t want to.” he almost pleads. and he’s right, i don’t want to.

“i hate the way he’s looking at you. i hate how he gets to touch you. i hate that he’s calling you his good luck charm. i hate that he’s kissing your cheek. i hate that he gets to look at you the way that only i do. i just hate that you’re even near him or in the sight of him.” charles confesses.

i’m godsmacked honestly.

“i- charles there isn’t anything there.” i confess. but he isn’t having it.

“don’t tell me that. i know there is.” he says as he reaches down to grip my waist and i feel my body heat up in flames.

“there’s not! he’s the one who’s been flirting with me all day. i swear. i’ve just been going along with it.” i huff out but it’s not what he wanted to hear.

“go along with it? make me jealous? you knew i’d come crawling back.” i nod. “yeah i was hoping you would.” i say as his grip on my waist tightens even more.

“charles, look i am sorry. but why am i apologizing when you’re the reason we broke up? you were the one that said you didn’t know if you could do it anymore but now here we are.” i say, frustrated.

“i’m so sorry, baby. i never meant it. it was all me, never you. we were perfect together. i was just so caught up in my head, i was struggling but i do so much worse without you. you’re my constant and i don’t see a life without you.” he confessed as he grabs my face in his big hands.

“i still love you charles.” i say and it was like everything fell into place because as soon as those words left my lips, his came crashing down onto mine.

it was so euphoric feeling his lips against mine again. it felt so right. it felt like home.

“god, i’ve missed you so much.” he whines as he breaks the kiss and begins working on my neck. “i’ve missed you more, charlie.” i say as i reach around his neck to grip his hair.

his lips make their way back up to meet mine. i know exactly where this is leading.

“i can’t do this here.” he says and i nod in agreement, “take me back to my place, please.”

take you back to my house 

“of course, love.” he kisses my cheek and forehead. “now only i get to do that.” i giggle at him as we walk out the bathroom together.

i haven’t decided yet

when we get in charles’ ferrari it was just like before. everything felt right and at home. the entire ride back to my house he couldn’t keep his hands off me. when we got into my house, he rushed us inside and slammed the door and pushed me up against it.

“fuck, mon amour.” he groans as i wrap my legs around his waist, grinding over the growing bulge in his pants.

but i’m gonna get you back

to say everyone was baffled about me and charles being back together… they were. but i find it kind of funny since i manifested it on accident.

i did get him back.

[canthelpit0]

Jealous girl

Pairing: Chris x jealous!Reader

Wordcount: 5.1k +

Summary: where a girl from school, that you don’t like, somehow knows Chris. Your school life and private life collide, as you decide to make rash moves to get back at her, and teach her a lesson.

Warnings: smut, jealousy, rich kid!Reader, use of y/n, they’re seniors in HS, marking, possessive!Reader )if u squint), pet names, p in v, filming, creampie, unprotected

(A/N: ik I’ve been doing a lot of rich kid reader, but it’s just sm easier 😭 I'm sorry for any grammar errors, English is not my fist language. also, the song has like barely anything to do with the plot.)

I’ve been friends with the triplets for most of my life. We just click.

I’ve always had a slight crush on Chris, he’s the first one I met.

I was scribbling a drawing in kindergarden, sitting at a table all by myself, when Chris came up to me. He started to talk to me and rant about something, until he declared us friends.

We grew up together, went to the same elementary and middle school. But being a rich kid, my parents wanted me to go to a private high school for better education.

So now I go to a private high school in Boston, while the triplets go to Somerville high school.

At first I really didn’t want to go, since it was a private school with uniforms and all. But my parents weren’t letting up, and even threatened to send me to a boarding school in Switzerland.

So I reluctantly agreed.

There was this girl, Eva. Your basic blonde girl with green eyes.

Now, I never liked Eva’s friend, but that was years ago, and I don’t think they’re even friends anymore.

Anyway, me and Eva share the same AP European history class.

We don’t talk a lot though.

★ ★ ★

I walk down the hallway making my way towards the door. Today was a draining day and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep.

But I have homework and-

My thoughts are cut off as I stop in my track raising an eyebrow. There was chris, standing in front of the main entrance of the school.

“Y/n?” He asks excitedly. It’s like my brain pauses for a moment.

“Chris?” I ask back.

At this point I hadn’t seen Chris or his brothers in a month or so. I was too busy studying and they were busy with lacrosse.

I live in Boston at the border to Somerville. And Chris lives in Somerville. But my school is 40 minutes away from his by car.

He opens his arms and I gladly hug him. I sigh as we embrace, my eyes closing briefly.

“Why are you here?” I ask. After all, Chris, to my knowledge didn’t have a drivers license and no reason to be here.

“Well, you know Eva? Well I gave her my jacket a week ago and I came to pick it up since she goes to your school-“ He rants, his words come out fast and jumbled by how excited he is to see me.

“How do you know Eva?” The words come out sassy. And honestly if i wasn’t hyper aware of the fact that we’re on school grounds I’d slip in a swear word.

“Well a week ago I was out in Boston shopping with Matt and Nick and this girl came up to me asking for my jacket since she was cold. Just out of nowhere” he starts to rant again, but I don’t even have half the mind to interrupt him.

After all, this felt like two of my separate worlds were colliding. And I didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t seem to dislike her like I did, wich only made me despise her more.

“And you gave it to her? A stranger?” I raise an eyebrow a huff leaving my lips.

I sound more sassy than I intend to, but I can’t help it.

Students walk past us slowly. Being in a private school most people loved it here. They weren’t pushing to leave.

We stand at the side of the main entry, still inside.

“Yeah. She asked for it” he sasses back, matching my attitude. Yet his smile stays big on his face and I could tell he wasn’t serious.

“What if she stole it?” I roll my eyes looking back up at Chris who had a few inches on me.

“That’s what I said too.” He agrees dramatically. “So she offered to give me her snap and told me she’d give it back to me next opportunity she got.”

That seems a bit dumb to me. She’s rich, she could just buy a new jacket if she’s outside and cold.

“You’ve been talking?” I question. I cringe slightly at the jealous tone lacing my words but Chris doesn’t seem to pick up on it.

“Yeah” he chirps back happily.

Oh so now they were snapping too?

He sticks out like a sore thumb. The way he carries himself, the way he smiles and acts, is just a dead giveaway that he does not go to a private school. Let alone, the fact that he’d not wearing a uniform like everyone else walking out right now.

Some people give us weird looks, but most don’t even care.

I purse my lips, if my day hadn’t been bad already, it was definitely ruined now.

The problem wasn’t that he had friends, other than me. But the fact that I knew her and knew how much of a Bitch she is, and how he can’t realize that.

The fact that he knew that she goes to my school, and that i probably know her, But didn’t even bother to mention it to me.

“You know what class she has right now?” He asks me. He actually has the nerve to.

“No.” I roll my eyes. Honestly I couldn’t care less. I only share that one class with her.

I turn on my heel to walk away, but before I can he grabs my elbow pulling me back slightly.

“Please don’t leave?” He asks sweetly.

I huff yanking my arm out of his grasp. Sure it could be awkward standing in front of the main door, obviously not going to this school looking like a lost puppy. But it’s Chris, he’ll survive.

“Chris, I have shit to do”

that’s a lie. I don’t have anything planned today. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

“Pretty please??” I huff turning back around. I stand next to him, my arms crossed as I scan the people leaving the building.

“Cute uniform you got there.” He says licking his lips slightly as he looks over my body.

I was wearing the green plaid skirt. And a basic white, collared button down. Along with the schools signature green cardigan and the tie.

I had so many layers on it was crazy. Since it was a more chilly day in Boston I had my tights on, but under the tights I had Thermo leggings on to keep me warm.

Honestly if people at public schools think the dress code is strict they should go to a private school for a day.

Once three buttons from the top of my collared shirt were unbuttoned and I was dress coded for it.

Atleast the skirt wasn’t horrendously long.

It could still be considered a mini skirt if you squint.

“You say that every time you see me in it” I scoff. I can’t help the fact I’m being sassy, I’m just in a horrible mood.

“I mean it.” He answers.

But before i can respond I hear an annoying voice from in front of me. “Hey Chris.” I turn my head to look at Eva.

The bitch is smiling wide. She was wearing the khaki skirt and the navy blazer with the black tights.

I purse my lips. God I wish I could dress however I want to for school.

“Hi Eva.” Chris greets her with a hug.

I physically try to hold back a scowl. They talk about something and I drown Out Eva’s pitched, bitchy tone.

Of corse Chris wouldn’t pick up on the flirting. But I see the way she smiles at him. The way her eyes trail over his face and linger at his lips for too long.

And I don’t know why I’m getting all territorial, but I guess I’m scared that Chris won’t have time to hang out anymore if he starts dating.

Either that or I just know how much of a bitch she is and I could treat him better than she ever could.

“Y/n this is Eva, Eva this is y/n” Chris makes us shake hands. He introduces us like we don’t know each other.

She chuckles at the silly gesture. She doesn’t hate me and I don’t hate her either. I just don’t like her, and the way she acts.

I’m rich, sure. And I’m more wealthy then her, but atleast I don’t act like a brat.

We start to walk, with them chatting, and me just trailing behind them.

We get to Eva’s car, she’d said something about driving him home or something. Does this girl know he lives like more than 40 minutes away?

My skin crawls at the thought of them being together in her car for that long. All alone.

“Chris come here” I wave him over for a second. Eva doesn’t question it instead going on her phone.

He walks over to me. I grab him by the shoulder to pull him down as I whisper in his ear. “You always pick the worst people to befriend.”

I let go of him. He groans rolling his eyes. His past two friendships with girls he befriended had ended horribly. But it was so predictable.

“Y/n/n. Come on” he scoffs. I turn to walk away to my own car to drive home.

Until he grabs my arm again pulling me back. “Can we talk.” He mumbles his arms wrapping a round my torso his chest pressed against my back.

“Not now.” I huff pushing myself off of him slightly. He wasn’t holding me tightly so I get out of his grip fairly easily.

“Y/n” he huffs.

“Don’t start.” I sass at him. I clench my jaw. I feel disappointed but not surprised. Eva wasn’t the type to show guys she’s interested in just how bitchy she really is.

“I gotta go, have fun.” I smile at him sarcastically. I let my smile drop as fast as it had appeared finally walking away from them.

But when I glance over my shoulder he’s already standing next to her smiling down at her.

★ ★ ★

The whole week after she found out I knew him, she’d constantly call him, and be around me and tell me stuff about him as if I didn’t know.

She’d sho me pictures of them together, she’d tell me jokes that I’ve heard before.

It was just the same old recycled bullshit.

He’d told her that we’ve known each other for basically forever. Why the hell was she talking to me like I didn’t know him?

That weekend I went over to the triplets house like I usually do, ready to sleepover.

I was in nicks bedroom talking to him.

“God, Chris always has terrible friends. And he needs to stop talking to everyone he sees.” Nick says with an eye roll.

This was our weekly complaining session.

“I know right, he befriended some girl from my school-“ I’m cut off by Nick.

“Eva?” I nod.

“I met her a few days ago and she’s so annoying.” He agrees slapping my arm a few times as he gets worked up.

“Right.” I scoff agreeing with him.

“And she totally has a thing for Chris.” He rolls his eyes hard.

I purse my lips. Good to know that I’m not delusional and that someone else sees it too.

After that the conversation topic shifts until Nick is ranting about some random TikTok song, and about how it’s obviously written to go TikTok viral and whatnot.

★ ★ ★

“Where are you gonna sleep tonight?” Nick asks, lying flat on his back, on his bed.

I slept over almost every weekend. And usually I’d rotate between whose bed space I’ll take up.

It is Friday, I always come over Friday after school. And then I stay until Sunday. And Sunday afternoon I go back home.

I always stay over on the weekends unless I have like an upcoming exam or something.

“Uhm.” I pause. I should sleep in Matt’s room tonight. But I want to talk with Chris more.

“Chris” I state. Nick doesn’t even question it.

The last time I’d slept over was over a month ago. and while sure, we did hang out in the past month, I spent all my weekends studying.

Nick had no mind to question me. He couldn’t care less. I could tell he’d missed me, and knowing I was sleeping over was comforting no matter where I slept.

We talk for a bit more until I stand up and pick up my overnight bag. I hug Nick and tell him I’m gonna head to Chris’ room.

We really need to talk about making good friends, and who to not befriend.

Because it keeps happening that Chris will pick out the shittiest people to befriend. And god it’s so irritating having to listen to him complain after they ‘betray’ him.

I walk upstairs to Chris’ room and unceremoniously swing the door open.

Once the door opens I’m immediately greeted with the sight of the pale pink LED’s on. There he was laying on his bed laying ON his side his phone up to his face.

“Oh hi y/n” he smiles at me briefly before going back to staring at his phone.

Chris usually called me any nickname under the sun before calling me my actual name.

Eva’s piercing voice echos out of the phone speakers making my expression sour immediately.

“Hi y/n” she says loudly. I can’t help the eye roll.

“Chris.” I hiss under my breath my eyes narrowed in a glare. He glances back at me his lips pursing in mild annoyance.

He tells her he’s got to go and that he’ll call her back. Chris then hangs up, slightly sitting up, his back pressed against his head bored.

I walk in fully, now closing the door behind me.

I put my overnight bag on his desk.

“I think she likes you.” I say simply my lips tugged into a straight line.

He huffs a laugh as if he thinks I’m joking.

I look over my shoulder, observing the grey sweatpants and white wife beater combo.

He crossed his arms staring back at me.

“I’m dead serious.” I say flatly. “Ever since she found out that I know you, she’s been coming to me in breaks and talking about you like I give a fuck.”

He poked his tongue into his cheek his expression falling flat “you’re serious?” He asks his voice painfully monotone.

“Of corse you didn’t realize” I roll my eyes turning back to look at my backpack.

“Whatever” I roll my eyes. I grab my make up bag that I always had in his room and I walk out the room to the bathroom to take off my make up.

After a few minutes I come back to see him on his phone again.

“Shit you’re right.”

Chris breathes out not even looking at me just saying that. He was going through previous messages only now seeing the underlying flirtation in her choice of words.

I raise my eyebrow at him before it registers what he is saying.

“I know” I say simply.

“How do I let her down slowly?” He asks his eyes finally going up to meet mine. His blue eyes only seem more exaggerated under the pink LED lights.

Before walking away from the door I lock it, he sends me a questioning glance but ultimately doesn’t say anything.

“You know, like how do I tell her I’m not interested, without saying that?” He adds still looking at me.

I walk up to the side of his bed.

I then roll my eyes getting on the bed. I sit next to him my back against the headboard as well.

We’re both quiet, the air in the room thickening. I can practically feel my skin burning up.

“How about you make a bold statement?” I break the silence after a moment.

Before he can respond I turn and get on his lap. My eyes are dark as I Simply sit on his thighs.

His hands go to my waist out of instinct. My arms wrapping around his neck.

He huffs out a breath his cheeks tinted a slight red. “What? you wanna make a sex tape or something?” He rolls his eyes.

I roll my eyes back at him. “That would be bold, but I don’t want her to see your dick.”

“Ooh possessive?” He teases. Chris unconsciously squeezes my side making me whine under my breath.

He chuckles at the sound, but before he can comment on it I’m speaking again. “I was thinking hickey , but if you want to fuck so bad then-“ I cut myself off.

“We can do both” he assures.

I lick my lips. And before I know it I move his face with my hand tilting his head to the side. My lips touch his jawline. I kiss down his jawline to his neck before I start to suck harshly.

He lets out a harsh breath his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.

“Easy ma, you got all the time In The world.”

Ma. I genuinely don’t know where he heard that, but at some point he just started calling me ma or mama.

Like I said, he used every pet name under the sun, before saying my actual name.

I pull away for a second my eyes scanning the small purple bruise on his neck.

“No.” I breathe out harshly before starting to peck his neck again. Until I bite down, relatively low on his neck close to the other hickey.

I bite hard, making sure my teeth print would be there while also sucking another hickey into his skin.

He hisses at the harsh feeling, his hands clenching and unclenching on my waist. He doesn’t stop me tho. Quite contrary, I hear a few whines leave his mouth. His sounds sounding borderline like moans.

I pull away admiring his neck.

I move the strap of his wife beater to the side, kissing down his collarbone. I suck more marks into his skin, until I deem it enough.

“You wanna tap this, handsome?” I tease , my eyes meeting his pale blue ones.

His eyes are half lidded and his pupils blown out in pleasure.

It’s really late by now. It’s dark outside. And the light pink LED lights make his blue eyes look even bluer.

“Please?” He asks sweetly his tone feigning innocence.

I can feel the hardness press up against my clothed core. I grin back at him, my eyes dark in lust and half lidded like his.

I cross my arms and tug off my t shirt. I throw it to the ground, letting Chris Bask in the sight of my bra covered chest.

The lust radiating off of him only seems to double.

“So pretty.” He coos. And before I know it he’s leaning forward and kissing my chest.

He glances up at me through his lashes and mumbles against my skin. “Can I leave hickeys too?”

I chuckle at the question. It really didn’t matter for me. My schools dress code is strict and I would have to cover them up anyway.

“Under the neckline” I nod simply. And before I realize it he’s sucking on the tender skin of one of my boobs.

He licks and sucks at the skin, half my boob covered in his saliva now.

I tug in his top. He groans against me, obviously not wanting to pull away. But he eventually does, I pull the wife beater over his head and throw it to the floor.

His hand goes up to cup my other boob while he kisses down from my collarbone to my chest and then sucks another hickey at the top of it.

I card my hand through his hair while I don’t bother pulling him off. He lets me stroke his hair moaning into my skin.

He pulls away, his eyes even darker than before. his hair now messy as well.

I get off of him. He groans at the loss of contact. I can see he’s about to complain. But before he can, I start to undo my pajama pants and slide them down.

My black lacy thong and my black lacy bra match.

Chris had made fun of me for wearing such ‘slutty’ underwear before. After all whenever I showered here I left some of my clothes, namely my underwear, here.

I had my own little section in Chris’ closet filled with my panties and bras.

“Fuck.” He breaths out closing his eyes briefly and then opening them again as if checking if he was seeing things.

He starts to shift and tug down his own sweatpants. He eagerly tugs them off along with his boxers letting his cock spring free.

My mouth quite literally waters at the sight of his hard dick lying flat against his stomach.

He lays down flat on his back looking to his side to look me in the eyes.

“Please ride me ma.”

He says in such a pleading and whiny tone, how could I say no to that.

I walk past his bed to his desk and pick up my phone from where I’d put it.

I walk back tugging the thong off swiftly. I get on top of him straddling his torso. I grind myself against his dick, feeling it glide between my wet folds.

I tug on my bra trying to get it off. And when I finally do, it’s also discarded quickly.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous mama.” He sighs looking at my boobs, both of them having small hickeys on them.

He puts his two hands on my waist lifting me slightly. He trails one hand down to my folds examining my pussy.

I feel him push his middle finger into my cunt abruptly to wich I moan.

He hums as if he was thinking. “So tight baby.” He coos his second hand on my waist caressing my skin gently.

“Gotta stretch this pussy out. We don’t want it to tear do we?” Chris asks sarcastically, obviously joking.

I lick my lips and let out a dry chuckle. His girth really did look painfully big. Atleast for what I was used to.

It wasn’t like he was that big, but it was definitely well above average.

I hand him my phone so he can start recording and that’s just what he does. He uses his hand from my waist to film this.

The camera pointing right at my pussy. He pushes a second finger in, briefly finger fucking me and scissoring his fingers to stretch me more.

“So fucking soaked.” He groans under this breath.

Chris takes his fingers out of me grabbing his hard dick and jerking it for a second. I lift myself and he positions it at my cunt, while also making sure to keep the camera at the right angle.

I push myself down letting out a breathy moan.

His hand, that’s not holding my phone, goes to my waist to steady me.

I suddenly push myself down on him completely. I whine loudly, my body jerking forward at the impact. He groans at the feeling of being balls deep in me.

“You okay?” He asks rubbing my waist gently in comfort.

“Yea” I breathe out my eyes closing as I try to get used to the feeling.

My legs are already numb and I’m already questioning why I’m on top.

I start to slowly bounce myself on him. He watches through my phone, his eyes glued to where we connect, seemingly fascinated by the sight.

“So tight for me.” He breaths out harshly trying to hold back loud groans. He was painfully aware of the fact that his siblings and parents were home.

I start to bounce on him more listening to him shower me in praises and compliments.

“Fuck.” His eyes stay trained on the phone screen, but he occasionally glances up to look at me.

I start to ride him harder the compliments and praise only making me wetter.

“God, come on, get yourself off on my dick like the slut you are.” He huffs. His free hand lightly on my waist to help me steady my movements.

He tries not to be too loud, both for the camera and because everyone is home.

I lean forward slightly and take my phone from his grasp.

I film his face and his reactions now.

His hands go to my waist slightly squeezing my skin as I start to rock my hips harder.

“Good boy, be quiet yeah.”

I feel the knot in my stomach tighten threatening to snap. The constant hit to my sweet spot is so overwhelming, and before I know it I’m releasing on his dick.

my hands are shaky but my phone is still angled at him, catching his mouth dropping in pleasure.

I clench around him letting out soft whines and moans, while Chris uses his hands to make me grind on him.

After a second when I calm down he grins. Chris holds his hand out for the phone that I give to him. He lifts me slightly to show the Camera the white circle my cum created around his length.

He makes no move to switch our positions so I just grind into him.

Chris turns the recording off and puts my phone on the nightstand. His hands find their way to my hips holding me tightly.

But before he can switch our positions like he was lplanning to, his phone starts ringing.

I glance ova seeing Eva as the caller ID. I roll my eyes. I feel pretty over stimulated already, but I want her to know.

“Pick up.” I demand under my breath. Our eyes meet for a moment but he eventually complies.

He leans over and takes his phone, picking up the call with a frown.

As soon as I hear her annoying voice i start to ride him again, making sure that the slapping sounds are loud enough.

He tries not to groan at the movements, trying to keep himself together.

“Eva, uh” he pauses his eyes locking with mine once more. He can’t help it when his free hand on my waist urges me to go harder.

“I’m kind of busy right now”

But she doesn’t get the hint and questions him. “Too busy to talk to me?”

Fucking pick me.

“Yeah well” he lets out a soft groan, pulling the phone away so she doesn’t hear it too well.

She starts to yap about some unimportant shit. Chris puts the phone on the side of the bed sitting up.

I stop moving due to Chris harsh grip. He pulls me off and flips us around.

I grab the pillow re- adjusting it so the side of my face is buried in it, my ass up for him.

He grins a soft slap echoing through the room. He kneeds my ass trying to smooth the pain of the slap.

He spreads my cheeks and pushes himself back in. He immediately starts up a harsh and fast pace fucking me into the pillow.

“Are you having sex right now?” Eva questions sounding like a brat who was just denied a toy

He leans over for a second picking up his phone. “No I’m not, why would you think that” he scoffs continuing his relentless attack to my sweet spot.

My core throbs around him, clenching to try and suck him back in.

“Oh my god you are-“ before she can rant about god knows what, Chris hangs up the phone.

He scoffs his grip in my waist tightens as he continues to forcefully pull me back on him.

He goes to the camera app on his phone starting to film once again.

He admires the way his entire length disappears into my tight cunt, and the way he has a white ring around the base of his cock from my previous release.

He picks up pace even more, if that was even humanly possible, until I feel like im going to cum again.

I turn my face and burry it in the pillow trying to muffle my noises. Because honestly I’d be surprised if the whole house didn’t already know what we’re doing.

“Close” I whine out between incoherent moans.

“Me too ma. Hold it for a bit, yeah?” He says sweetly his harsh actions not so sweet.

“Where do you want it?” He keeps glancing between the camera and me, sometimes angling the camera to show my back and the back of my head too.

“Inside” I whine. And that mildly catches Chris off guard.

He only picks up pace tho, his palm meets my butt again, in a harsh slap. I moan at the feeling. “Come on come for me” he demands.

And before I know it the knot in my stomach snaps once more my thighs shaking and my cunt clenching a round him.

The Camera is focused on my cunt. His thrusts get more sloppy and messy until he gives me one last harsh thrust.

Chris releases into me, filling me up to the brim and stuffing me.

We both stay like that for a moment to catch our breathes.

He stops the recording and throws the phone next to me, onto the bed.

He trails his hand over my ass and lower back, before gently grabbing my hips and pulling out.

He lets out a breath seeing his length covered in our combined juices, and me leaking.

He pushes me on my side slightly, so I’m laying down fully. I sigh turning my face into the pillow my arm under it.

“You okay?” He asks softly. Chris kisses my shoulder softly.

I just realized that we hadn’t kissed once. This entire time, his lips hadn’t been on mine not once. And I don’t know if he did that on purpose or not.

“ m’ good” I sigh closing my eyes briefly.

I nuzzle my face into the pillow, breathing out. I blink my eyes open again sighing.

I feel his eyes burn into the side of my face.

“Were you jealous?”

My eyes shoot open and I turn my head slightly to look at him. “About what?” I say simply playing dumb.

“Why do you not like her.” He asks again.

“I never liked her.”

“Right, and you don’t like that she likes me.” He states simply.

I scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself” I huff and nuzzle my face into the pillow.

“You literally have my cum inside of you right now, ma.” He huffs in response.

I purse my lips burring my face harder into the pillow.

“I like that.” He says again making me look back at him. Chris is looking down at me with a sweet smile

“What?” I ask and look at him from the corner of my eyes.

“That you’re jealous.” Chris replies, his smirk ever so cocky.

“Why would I be jealous?” You huff, replying sarcastically.

“Don’t deny it ma. I think it’s cute.” Chris chuckles. He grins down at you victoriously. He lays down next to you staring into your eyes.

Masterlist

A/N: this was so fun to write lmao. sorry for not posting in the past few days, I was just busy with school and didn't have the motivation to write. Feel free to to send me stuff my req and asks are open <3

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf

[holylulusworld]

Busted!

Summary: You are in trouble.

Written for @spnkinkevents: Kinky Sam Week 2024 – Day 1: Office sex

Pairing: Boss!Sam Winchester x Assistant!Reader

Warnings: power imbalance, the reader is in trouble, degrading, dom/sub undertones, light smut, unprotected sex, teasing, sex on a desk

“Miss Y/N to my office please,” your boss, a hard-ass self-made billionaire and sex on long legs calls for you. You whimper, knowing he only calls you to his office if you fucked things up. And you fear you fucked up big time. “NOW!”

Sam narrows his eyes as you are glued to your seat. Your legs won’t obey, and you struggle to breathe right. You can’t lose this job. It’s a well-paid one, and who will star in your dirty fantasies if your boss isn’t around any longer?

“Do I have to repeat myself?” He cocks a brow and crooks his index finger, calling your name again. “I hate waiting and repeating myself.”

“Sorry, Mr. Winchester, Sir,” you splutter while slowly getting up from your swivel chair. Your legs wobble, but you try to walk toward your boss’s office without showing him that you are afraid to lose your job. 

He harrumphs and walks inside his office without waiting for you. You slip inside and silently close the door. 

Your boss asks you to take the Seat opposite his comfortable chair. He sits down and watches you with angry eyes. “Do you know why I asked you to come here?”

You squirm in your seat and wring your hands. If Sam wants to talk about what you fear he wants to talk about, you’re going to lose your job and more.

Uploading your stories to your company account wasn’t the best idea you ever had. To your defense, you wanted to use your breaks to write another story about the kinky adventures of Kitten and her Master. Staring your boss and you.

“I—” you bite your tongue. Sam is staring you down, and you’re too nervous to answer his question. Your heart hammers in your chest at the way he’s sizing you up.

“Let me help you remember,” he grabs a stack of papers from his desk and smirks. Sam leans back in his chair, his eyes trained on you. He wets his lips, enjoying the struggle on your face. “You should know that it’s forbidden to upload documents and apps to our servers.”

You blanch and fist your dress. Your breath hitches in your throat as Sam starts to read your latest story. The juiciest you ever wrote.

He asked me to come to his office, a smug grin on his face. Master was in the mood for some playtime. My panties were already wet when he guided me inside. My master pushed me onto the desk the moment the door closed behind us. I didn’t wear panties, just like he asked me to do. Sam shoved my skirt up my thighs and kicked my legs apart to get a good look at my glistening cunt.

Sam clears his throat while you try to shrink into yourself. You dare not look at him when he crumbles the first page and flings it across the room. “Not too bad, but I’d correct grammar and spelling.”

You can’t think or speak. Shame and embarrassment hold your whole body in a tight grip.

“Let's see…” He’s not done kink-shaming you. Sam starts reading the next page.

I ended up bending over his desk, thick fingers inside my cunt. Sam was impatient. His pants dropped to the ground, and I hissed feeling his huge cock hit my bare ass. I always feel so empty without his cock, and he knows it. My master slipped his fingers out, to replace them with something better, and bigger. I was full beyond my limit seconds later.  Sam didn’t care. He held me down by my shoulders and started to batter my hungry cunt with his glorious cock.

Sam stops reading again, he watches your eyes widen in fear. You squirm even harder and try to find a way out of the situation. Looking up at the ceiling you pray that lightning will strike you down or the ground opens to swallow you whole.

“I wouldn’t use the word glorious,” he grabs a red pencil to mark the line. “Maybe you shouldn’t let him batter your cunt either.”

“What? I—" You’re speechless. Your boss is correcting your kinky story like he does with any paper you hand to him.

“Hmm…he should’ve teased her a little more,” he concludes, and scribbles notes down. “Your master could call you a cock-hungry slut and fuck every thought out of your brain.”

Sam nods to himself, and eagerly writes the line down before he goes back to reading your story aloud.

His strong hands held me down while he abused my pussy. I moaned his name and begged him for more. “Kitten,” he purred and got impossibly faster. I could already feel my high approach. I could taste and smell it. 

Sam snorts at the last line but continues reading. 

“Faster, harder,” I begged my master, and he gave me all I wanted. He gripped my hips and started to push into me so hard my thighs hit his desk. I didn’t care. I screamed his name and came all over his cock. His spunk filled my well-fucked cunt, and I happily sighed feeling Sam cum inside of me.”

Sam ends the story and places the pages back onto his desk. He folds his hands in his lap and watches you with darkened eyes. “Do you have anything to add?”

“What?” You squeak.

He sighs deeply. “This is the problem since that awful book and the movies came out. Everyone believes they are experts when it comes to this kind of relationship.”

You swallow hard.

“We need a better ending, miss Y/N. A master should always do aftercare and make sure his sub is in the right state of mind. A safe word is essential, or the color system.”

You start to sweat.

“I for myself, would call me a good dominant,” he slowly gets up to walk past you. Sam locks the door, humming before he turns back around. “I’m experienced not only in training a submissive but also do the needed aftercare.”

You are close to passing out when Sam cups your face with one big hand. He chuckles when you instinctively lean in his touch and close your eyes.

“We will start with your first lesson tonight, kitten,” you quiver and press your thighs together at his words. “First you will learn not to upload any of our stories to the company server again.”

“I—” You look up at Sam, lips parted and eyes glassy.

“There you go, kitten,” he purrs and runs his thumb over your cheek. “You can be such a good girl for me.” You almost mewl at the roughness in his voice. “But tonight, you will receive your first punishment. Now get up and bend over my desk…”

Tags in reblog.

[lovebvni]

“what’s stopping me?” (pap)

what’s holding up your manifestations from coming to fruition?

it’s a common question i got throughout the intuition readings. and i remember asking myself the same thing. one thing i want to preface with is nothings stopping you. the 3D is just lagging. it’s usually just how you feel that’s wondering what’s stopping you!

but in this pick a picture, we will be diving into what’s stopping your manifestations, and how to get over them in order to receive everything you want and more!

please note the phrases/alt text for each pile will have little to nothing to do with the pile you choose. do not let it affect your decision.

disclaimer, this pick a pile is not legal advice or anything like that. you can take everything with a grain of salt, because not every fact will apply to you. do not take my words as final say, as anything can change.

inhale, exhale, and let your intuition flow. now click 'keep reading' and select an image from down below. (be sure to look at the image description !!)

all image credits to their rightful owners. if you know any of them, please lmk.

Pile I — Flower Body

hello pile 1!! i hope ur doing well :) im wishing u the best!

whats holding you back is the material and ONLY focusing on it. nile heard “sitting on your laurels/hands.”

youre allowing urself to sink into the quicksand and not doing anything to fight it… when there’s a branch right in front of you to grab onto…?

like… why just sit there and do nothing when there’s something you can do? you may be stuck in your own mind, honestly. just breaking yourself down, over and over again — only allowing yourself to believe what is in front of you. you don’t trust the whimsy, you don’t trust the signs. your motto is “if i don’t see it, it isn’t real.”

im going to break the news to you, pile one, if you keep this mindset nothing is going to come to you instantly. and i hope that motivated you to stand up and do SOMETHING, because doing nothing isn’t helping.

your advice from spirit is connect with your emotions to better yourself. don’t allow this depression to gain the best of you. another thing is allow your imagination to flow — even if you don’t see it right now.

sociopath by stay loose and bryce fox came on.

i feel like you’re like “it hasn’t worked in the past, it isn’t working now, so it can’t work in the future.” which is NOT true at all. let the vast be the past, do what you can in the present to shape your future. don’t look in the rear view mirror when driving. don’t let someone else grab the wheel when you’re driving — this is YOUR car. YOUR journey. do it, and don’t let the 3D, your thoughts or ur doubts get in the way of it. run them over.

that’s all pile 1, please take care of urself and don’t listen to the voices telling you to give up — i promise it will get easier.

extra signs/confirmation : “drive. DRIVE DRIVE!”, “they’re in the past”, someone who shuts down when things get hard, scorpio, “loser/loner”, may have been bullied/put down before, not moving because you’re scared of the chain reaction, not understanding that the past is done, “quit looking at the material. it ain’t shit, bitch.”, “don’t trust everything you see!”, shifttok, complicated methods, potential, sitting on your ass, taking the punches, allowing yourself to be destroyed, crying.

Pile II — See No Evil

hii pile 2!! i hope you’re doing well!! wishing u the best :p

for your energy, we pulled 10 of swords — which isn’t that great of a start — but at least it gives us some information. you’re someone who feels burnt out, tired, stressed and neglected. nile got a similar energy, saying she “felt a self-relinquished energy. Feeling small weak, diminished, low-power, half-effort smiling. They know things are less than okay. Telling themselves/pretending to appear to others that they're not as shaken about things being stale and scarce as they are actually feeling inside.”

you’re not reflecting your true self, which is really self-demeaning. you’re limiting yourself by hiding yourself. and maybe you’re being forced into a box — and i am being too!! find a way to cut a small hole out the box and get the fuck out without anyone noticing. find yourself, even if you just need to sit there and breathe for a while. sometimes that’s all you need to do — find one thing you love.

whats holding you back seems to be obsession, and we pulled queen of pentacles combined with 3 of swords. that’s insane.. maybe obsession of a past love?

get off their social media, block them, they don’t matter! they are not ur partner anymore. if ur friends, our distance between you two. not separate yourself fully, just take a step back. don’t let them be a huge part of ur life, they aren’t anymore. i feel like this is the reason you shut down, the reason you’re repressing yourself now. maybe they were ur out, your sense of joy.

i remember a quote i saw a long time ago, “to have a healthy relationship, there must be self love and love of the other person (or people) involved.” you wed to distance yourself and find some love for urself before u do anything else.

to get other this, you need to be angry in a way. you need to finally stand up and walk out. this isn’t serving you anymore. you need to stop. don’t let this control you. stop letting it control you. i keep hearing “get out, get out, get out.” which is scary. you’re not trapped, pile 2. you can get out. just stand up and walk out — or i’d TRULY that simple.

i love you pile 2, please work for urself and not other people.

extra signs/confirmation: “the final straw”, finally stepping out the box, red, repetition, affirming, false belief, not standing up for yourself, vomiting, crying a LOT, keeping things to yourself, looking outwardly, not confirming with yourself, needing to take a leap of faith, 999, “hopeless and helpless”, “BULLSHIT!”, “gone”.

Pile III — Black Mirror

hellooo pile 3!!! how are you??!! i hope ur well!!

your energy feels “convoluted yet diluted.” there’s so much going on, but somehow it’s so watered down and so deep down. like you can’t find yourself, because the there’s so much going on around you. it’s like you’re just caught in a tornado — being mixed in with all the mess.

im so sorry pile 3. i really hope it gets better, but let’s get onto the reading. what’s limiting you is the way you’re overworking yourself. and honestly, the solution is to work through it. keep going pushing, keep working, and don’t stop.

this is something that you are going to have to power through. the song that came on is paralyzed by nf. i’m going to link it

it’s such a touching song, i used to listen to it a lot. you’re stuck in what feels like a cycle. you don’t feel like yourself. you don’t know why, but it’s because you’re currently in a state where you HAVE to work through this. it isn’t gonna last much longer, but whenever you can take a break.

don’t overwhelm yourself, but also don’t always step back. don’t forget what you need to do. always work as hard as you can, but do not neglect yourself. and i know that is SUCH a hard reading and a complicated situation, but you will find it. you will find the balance, the key. it will work out. i’m rooting for u, pile 3.

extra signs/confirmation: chaotic life, in school or uni, being really tired, neglecting work, working long hours, not prioritizing time, sad rap, lil peep, black jacket, hopeless, helpless, not allowing yourself to find a solution, finding distractions, never doing what needs to be done until the last minute, “why is nothing working?” hyper fixating on self-pleasure and manifestation instead of what also needs to be done.

Pile IV — To See

hello pile 4! i hope you’re doing well! i feel the need to mention that ive been seeing 444 a lot, but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

your energy is every much “the knight in shining armor”, the one who always wants to save and help others — usually neglecting themselves in the process. you stand up for those being bullied, possibly because you were bullied in the past and feel for them. you don’t want people to be broken down like you (and i relate so much — this pile lowkey feels like a callout)

your issue is that you’re holding onto the past, and allowing it to control you. u may say “i let go of that a long time ago”, well there’s a part you’re holding onto and you know it. i feel like exposure therapy may be good for you — ask someone you trust to put you in a similar situation and try to react now. like not as you were, but as you are.

spirit is saying to get over this, you must find balance and peace within yourself. you may have never gotten an apology, never gotten help, or never opened up, but you need to seek it now. cut off the past. it isn’t your friend — and it will not change. don’t allow acknowledgment to take control of you. knowing is not accepting.

that’s all i have for u pile 4!! i hope all goes well, and after you get over this and find balance, i feel like it’s going to come to you immediately. you may not even know you got out the situation!

song bc i forgot to do it earlier 💀💀

extra signs/confirmation: aries, ray of sunshine, false energy (putting our positive energy although you are feeling negatively — specifically got a visual of golden/yellow energy with grey in the center), yellow energy, spontaneous, growth is required, growth is coming, pain, ribs (?), getting over an ex, boys a liar (original).

what’s limiting you is your need for control ALL THE TIME

Pile V — Death’s Harvest

hello pile 5! i hope you’re doing well!! this is probably one of the most intense piles based off the name, but we’ll see!! your energy is very much “i’m in control, i am the man” with king of cups coming out. also kinda getting u have ur head in the clouds, and you don’t rlly see things as they are, but as u want them to be.

what’s limiting you is your need for control. you want it took much, so you have decided “i’ll just ignore everything i don’t like!” which isn’t good. you have to acknowledge the things you don’t like and find a way to change them. don’t just ignore them — stop trying to deny thing are bad? because they ARE.

to get out of this energy, you need to clear the plate. literally. you nee to decide “this isn’t fo me, i’m not having it.” and dump the table. i feel like you know how to do this, but you won’t. decide to do it, stop carrying what you don’t need. very clear message, pile 5!!! i hope all goes well :)

extra signs/confirmation: “i cleaned the plate” (u threw it in the trash), talkative guides, yapper, lots of love. your guides love you, but they really need you to know that this isn’t for you., braggy, injury (smth w a p), health issues, tiara, “homosapien, homosexual”, devil town by cavetown.

Pile VI — Earth’s Hello

hi pile 6!! you guys have such a calming energy, i must say, and i love it. i get an image of blue and green, obviously in relationship to earth. you may he a motherly figure, or someone that people can talk to easily.

what’s holding you back is “bitching and moaning, but not working.” you want things to work, but you won’t take that action. you want something, but all you do is sit and wait for it to happen. it’s like sitting at a bus stop but never standing up to get on the bus.

you’re letting yourself rot. your potential is draining out of you second by second. and i don’t think it’s truly because youre lazy or burnt out, but it’s out of confusion. dont know what to do, but because of that, you wont do anything. if you’re confused, ask for help, dont just decide to give up.

your advice is to cut down your options and hyper focus on ONE activity. don’t allow everything in your mind to jumble up at once, give yourself space to work and think. you can’t sit there forever and expect your manifestations to just fall in your lap when you don’t even have hope.

extra signs/confirmation: i felt like blood in my throat? it smelled like blood and it kinda hurt on my left side, babies, pointy shoes, TV by billie eilish, paralysis, overwhelmed, “you’ve got this!”, babies (again), not working when you need to, 777, the letter T.

Pile VII — All Seeing Cat

hii pile 7! let’s get straight in. your energy can be very calming. you’re a hard working and you work until you get the rewards. you’re not someone who gives up — you hold on until the end. u know that there’s a cycle, a method, and a way to get through it. although it hurts, you continue to push through! that’s so good!! i’m so proud of u pile 7! also you got 7 of pentacles for ur energy. which i think is kinda 777 bc of pile 7 yk but wtv. i also js saw 777!!

your limitation is your emotion and your need for emotional and even romantic attention. i feel like this so something you struggle with on and off — and so do i 😭😭 i asked for a song for clarification, and got mad hatter by melanie martinez.

you’re not in the best mindset and you know this! so why do you keep trying to go after this romantic attraction? push back these feelings, pretend they aren’t there — because they aren’t serving you. the right person will come when you need them.

for now, rely on friends and family rather than romantic interest. like i told pile 2(i think) slowly distance yourself, don’t just cut them off.

extra signs/confirmation: the colour purple, alice in wonderland (obviously), cups cards, emotional, back and forth, mood swings, “emotional wreck”, confused, “need for validation, delusions, center of attention, “attention whore.”

Pile VIII — New Awakening

hiii pile 8!!! 8 is the number of balance, and that’s what i’m praying for this year — balance and fulfillment. your energy is very joyful — you possibly have a yellow aura. but along with this yellow, you feel very alone. you feel distant from everyone — like you have nobody to talk to, nothing to do.

pile 8, you are not alone. you need to surrender these feelings to move forward — confide in someone. be straight up and honest. don’t hold it back anymore — TELL SOMEONE.

twisted by missio came on (cringy ass song, iykyk) and i feel like you may be saying “well they already know, so they won’t help. but they may not know the extent of it. really sit them down and talk them through it, because if you just keep it inside it’s going to be harder.

spirit is also saying “complete the goals you’ve set for yourself”. you may possibly be a fighter and you have a LOT you want to do. finish those things before deciding to move on. it could also be confirmation that your maifestations may come in before you even really confide in someone — because it could be a multiple day process.

extra signs/confirmation: gacha life (💀💀), confusion, bottled up emotions, loniness, depression, black sphere, the colour blackc, “how do i get out of here?”, spirals, 333, energetic and outgoing person, not taking yourself seriously, “do you guys ever think about dying? “ — barbie, “i can be everything i want to be!”, barbie, childhood dreams, online friends, life of the party, friendly, feeling like a fake friend, dance the night from barbie.

Pile IX — Life from Death

hi pile 9!! lotta true crime by penelope scott came on as i was finishing pile 8, and i felt like that was important to mention. the intro beat has been stuck in my head for the past few days so!! you may listen to a lot of true crime too!! lmao

you don’t have a solid sense of self, and ie always seems to be changing. from your world view to the way you style your hair — you’re having issues finding yourself. you may have traveled the world, seen so much, and heard so many opinions, but you don’t know where you fit in. you’re everywhere but nowhere, like 9 — that’s what you think. you’re lost with yourself.

when i asked for what’s limiting you, it’s the mindset that “this isn’t for me anymore.. it isn’t worth it.” it that’s literally because you feel like you don’t have any control. you do have control, pile 9. you just have to find the areas in which you do — don’t be self destructive.

oh ana by mother mother also came on and i feel like that may be an important song to this pile.

your advice is exactly what i said — find places which you have power over. do you like painting? paint what you feel!! don’t act like nothing is going your way — and if it is, THEN MAKE IT.

that’s all i have for u pile 9!

extra signs/confirmation: mother mother, red and orange, fire, childhood, death, being lonely, recent breakup, night to day, dancer/just dance, afraid, sick, vomiting, elita.

i hope you enjoy this pap!! i really hope this resonates and works out. i am hoping the best for each and every pile — and i pray that everything works out. no matter if it takes days or years — it will happen. i promise. i am living proof.

much love, abyss.

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

saying goodbye

(cw: age gap 25/41; mndi, slight nsfw; angst, brief discussion of loss and fear of death)

the part before: comforting him

I wanted to do something nice for König before he goes on his next mission, before he has to leave. Which is quite the challenge to make it a surprise from him when you’re living together. Well, staying together, but it doesn’t change the fact that we spend most of our time with each other.

Another reason, why this doesn't feel like dating anymore. It doesn't feel like just being exclusive. It doesn't feel like a living arrangement because he broke my bed. Also, he seems to be doing better again, after the little downward spiral that plagued him at the end of last week. At the same time… I can't shake the feeling that he's a bit more closed off than he was before.

I sigh. He’ll leave in only two days and we agreed that I would go home tomorrow because, well… it can’t be postponed any longer.

I already knew he has to sort out some stuff today before being deployed, driving into the city, getting a medical check-up and also arranging the details for my new bed to finally be delivered. But this gives me the chance to pack up most of my stuff and prepare what I wanted to surprise him with while he is away for a few hours.

I went grocery shopping after work, got everything that the recipe called for, and started as soon I was back at his place. I cut so many onions for this, I’m all cried out, but I still can’t help the little lump sitting in the back of my throat, closing it up, which has nothing to do with the cut vegetables

He comes back earlier than I anticipated, mumbling something about an incompetent doctor and how he doesn’t like to have his blood drawn. But I shoo him out of his own kitchen with a few comforting words, tell him to sit in the living room and read something. And not disturb me.

“Aye-aye, Ma’am.”, he says, an amused smirk on his face as he jokingly salutes. I roll my eyes and laugh a little, patting his butt, to make him hurry along.

I still need to prepare the sidedish and let the stew cook for a little longer to make sure the meat is tender and the sauce is thick enough. At least that’s what the recipe said. And I need to make sure I do everything right.

When it’s finally done, the kitchen looks like somebody threw around food, although I did my best to clean up as I go.

I fill one of the soup dishes with the stew, putting the Nockerl in there as well, the dough already soaking up some of the sauce. I compare the dish in front of me with the picture from the recipe and I’m actually content with how it came out.

I set the plate down on the island where the seats are and call for König while I get myself a smaller portion. I hear his steps before his huge stature appears in the doorframe.

“Uh, dinner is ready.”, I say wryly smiling at him, with my plate in my hands. I set it down next to his.

“I can see that and I already smelled the cooking in the living room, it smells deli-“ The words gets stuck in his throat as he comes closer, stopping in front of the plate. He drops onto the seat, the furniture aching under his weight. The smile he was still wearing when he came into the kitchen has dissipated, his mouth hanging open, when he looks up from his plate, his eyes finding mine. He looks almost in shock.

I sit down next to him, suddenly very unsure if this whole ordeal even was a good idea.

“You cooked Gulasch?”, he asks, his voice wavering.

I nod. “Yes, I remember how you said that you liked it, so uh, I tried to make it.”

“But you’re vegetarian.”, he adds.

“Yes, but you aren’t. And the original recipe calls for beef.”, I explain, putting the doughy pillows that the Austrians call Nockerl onto my fork, scooping up some of the sauce. I just want to try a bit of, tasting a part of his origins.

He’s still staring as I put the fork into my mouth, and well, he didn’t promise too much when he was talking about his favourite food because that’s really delicious. Though I’m unsure about how authentic it is.

His gaze moves from me to the plate in front of him, finally picking up the fork, and he digs in, taking the biggest bite. I wait to see what his reaction would be like. He shovels two, three forkfuls into his mouth, chewing, tasting. And then suddenly just stops. Goes completely still. And I don’t know what’s going on as his head drops forward, his hair hanging in front of his face.

A small silent sob shakes his chest and a stray tear falls from his face into the stew. My heart drops to my feet. Fuck.

“We don’t need to eat it, if it’s no good.”, I say lightly, trying not to let it affect me. When I go to grab his plate, his head whips in my direction, and I finally get a good look at his face.

“What, no?! I-“ He takes a deep breath, his hand wiping over his eyes quickly, like the tear was never there. “This is the nicest thing somebody has done for me in a long time.”, he finally says. “And it reminds me of my Oma.” A deep sigh shakes his tall frame. “So, thank you, okay? It’s delicious.” He takes my hands, softly pulling them towards him, pressing a kiss on each palm.

The sadness in his eyes isn’t completely gone when I look into them, and I didn’t anticipate that this simple gesture of cooking him his favourite meal would have him in shambles like that. But the smile that turns up the corners of his mouth is a warm one, thankful and happy.

“You’re welcome.”, I simply tell him. “I’m glad you like it.” I press my lips to his, reassuring the big giant that it was okay, without saying it out loud.

When I pull back, he lingers, his hand shooting up to the back of my head, stealing another kiss. Long, deep and oh so soft. Another “thank you”, without saying it out loud.

“What was your Oma like?”, I ask him, taking a forkful of my sauced-up Nockerl. He talked about her before, but it might keep me from tearing up as well.

The smile on his face gets wider and he starts to tell stories about her. Leaving the other people in his family out of it, for the most part.

How she always asked him to get the stuff from the upper shelves because he was already taller than her at age 12. How he sat in the kitchen doing his homework while she cooked. How she stopped pestering him about going to church on Sunday eventually, but still almost smacked him in his head when he turned the cross in the living room upside down as a joke. How she cried when he joined the military because that was the last thing she wished for him. How she still let him go and how he had to promise her to come back – or else. How he helped her in the garden every time he came home and kept doing that well into his 30s. And how he nearly missed her funeral because he almost couldn’t get permission to leave for a few days.

König takes seconds and even thirds, eating almost all of the Gulasch I cooked. I’m already done sitting over my empty plate, listening to him talk, getting us something to drink. When he is done as well, he grabs the plates to wash up, not letting me help in any way, because “Oh no, you already cooked and everything”. He tells me to pick out a movie I’d like to watch, the glint in his eyes telling me that it’s probably going to get cut short again, so I put on Pulp Fiction, a movie we both have watched countless times before.

He laughs as he comes into the living room with a beer in his hand and sees my choice on the flatscreen, taking a seat at the couch and I hop onto his lap when his ass barely touched the cushions. We’re entangled, as close as you can be. And it doesn’t take long for his hands to wander. Squeeze, caress, stroke over my body. Teasing me with soft kisses against my neck until a heavy sigh leaves my lips. He takes that as an invitation to finally take me to the bedroom where he lies me down on the mattress to eat me out, while he kneels on the floor. Messy, sloppy licks and nibbles, his fingers methodically filling me until I cum for him, my thighs pressing together around his head.

He crawls over me, pushing into me with his dick, after teasing my clit some more with his tip, the piercing deliciously pressing into the sensitive nub.

Slow and sweet doesn’t mean less intense, the soft stretch with every sensual roll of his hips sending sensations over my body, making me pant and throw my head back with pleasure.

His hand on my chin compelling me look at him while he is fucking me like this… until it doesn’t feel like just fucking anymore. When I come again, this time around his dick, it feels like a soft wave washing over me, his name on my lips, and he doesn’t stop pushing into me, prolonging my orgasm and chasing his own until he spills inside me.

He presses kisses to my cheek, pulling me into him, and we snuggle up against each other to fall asleep. My back is against his front, the heat of his body warming me, that I don’t even need a blanket. Feeling the comfort of his embrace a little more clearly than usual.

And the realisation hits me that he is going to leave. And I’m gonna go back home, to my apartment. No more König when I come home from work. No shared meals in the kitchen, no sitting in his lap on the couch. No laughing fits in the middle of the night when one of us says something so stupid that the other can’t comprehend. No filthy sex and tender kisses. No calling him “old man” to get a rise out of him. No dirty punishment for my bratty ass. No feeling him inside me, his brows turned up, his eyes rolling back in ecstatic expression as he comes. None of it, at least for some time.

I push those thoughts away, pulling his arms tighter around me as if I could keep him like this. I close my eyes, ignoring the one stray tear that rolls down my cheek, and drift off into sleep.

And with this the day I have been dreading the whole week is finally here. The day when I return to my own apartment after staying with him for weeks. I even took a day off of work for this.

I’m trying not to let it show too much, because it’s a bit stupid. This living arrangement always was meant to be temporary and I always knew he was on leave, needing to go back to his work at some point sooner or later. But now that it’s here… I kinda don’t want it to happen at all.

The coffee tastes a little bitter as I sip it, even though he added just as much milk as usual, with the typical joking disgust while diluting the tasty elixir, that always makes me chuckle and shake my head.

The sunlight streaming through the big windows in the living room blinds me as it reflects off the shiny couch upholstery when I go to collect Mimi from her spot, putting her in the cat carrier.

The book I finished reading on the weekend gets caught when I push it into its place on the shelf, some of the pages creasing. I curse, showing König and apologizing. He takes the book from my grasp, straightening out the crinkles, and puts it back. “Don’t worry, Liebes, it’s just a book.”, he says, his arm coming around me as he pulls me against his warm body and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

I get the rest of my stuff, seeing that one of my yarn balls has tangled into a net of knots, and I curse again. Of course, it did. I put my crochet bag into one of the boxes and carry it outside.

With a sigh I look back over my shoulder one last time and close the door behind me, placing my stuff in the trunk and climbing into the driver’s seat of my own car. Starting it and driving after him, and it’s weird not to sit right next to him in his car.

It’s weird being home again. Letting Mimi out of her carrier, the little kitty running around, brushing against his legs. And he picks her up, carrying her around, just like they always do. The small creature is purring against his chest as he shimmies her around, humming some tune I can't place.

It’s weird standing here in my apartment with him, waiting for the bed to be delivered. I can feel my bubbly yapping coming back, not being able to shut up, and König is listening like he always does. Short, one-worded answers while his hand is petting Mimi, scratching between her ears and under her chin.

The doorbell ringing tears us from our conversation. The delivery guys are handing the packages over, asking if they should help bring them in, but König declines, giving them a tip and sending them their way.

I’m not as easily deterred from trying to help with the packages, although König is carrying most of them, barely breaking a sweat, while I struggle with the smallest one.

Sitting on the bedroom floor, his tall figure still reaching up to my hips before I get down next to him. He’s glancing at the instructions, squeezing his eyes together, but I can tell he’s having a hard time seeing the illustrations of the steps correctly.

And of course he is too stubborn to ask for help. I grin to myself and shake my head. “Forgot your glasses?”, I ask him, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.”, he says wryly, and I extend my hand, suggesting silently he’ll hand over the instructions and he does, with a sigh and a little smile.

While I’m still studying the instructions, he’s laying out the pieces and already putting the first parts together. Of course, he is choosing the hands-on approach, even with stuff like that, figuring it out as he moves along, and I chime in with a few comments here and there, guiding the construction.

His long hair is getting in the way and I lend him a hair tie, and I don’t think I’ll ever manage to get over how meticulous he puts his hair in a ponytail. I mean, he probably has done that same move for years, his hands collecting all the stray strands, the band snapping around them with two quick motions and then it just sits perfectly at the back of his head.

We spent so much time together and I realise that I’ve never seen him do that. The whole time he was always wearing his hair down, some strands hanging in front of his face. Sometimes he put them into a lose bun when he was working out, but never like this.

“What?”, he asks me, a hint of uncertainty on his face.

I shake my head. “Nothing, your hair looks good like that.”, I say, clearing my voice when it dares to break off, but I save it with a smile which gets mirrored by his, and I can’t help but put a kiss onto it while a pang of something spreads in my chest. I feel like I know him so well, and yet I keep learning parts of him I’ve never seen before.

“Come on, Hexe.”, he says when I linger, prolonging the kiss, caught in my thoughts, his hand patting my hip which makes me giggle a bit, but I can't shake the feeling that's settling in my stomach. Fuck, he's gonna leave.

Pretty quickly we construct the bed, it’s easy enough, especially when you’re following the instructions – a sentiment I say out loud after he managed to stick two pieces together who fit, but actually belong like that. He just grins and pulls them apart easily, his muscles flexing for just a moment.

“Show-off.”, I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

Finally, the frame is done, the slats already fitted into it and last but not least, we hoist the mattress onto them.

“You didn’t need to buy me a new one, you know.”

He shoots me a look. A knowing one.

“Really, it was fine. The old one would have sufficed.”

“I have slept on that mattress. You needed a new one.”

“Oh, that's just your old bones.”, I quip, and I know how ridiculous I must sound telling that to a soldier who can probably sleep anytime anywhere.

He pinches my nose. “You're not getting younger yourself, Missy.”, he answers. "Your back will be thankful."

“Yeah, yeah.”, I say grinning and bump my hip against his, rather hitting the burly thigh, before getting some bedsheets.

The fresh sheets match the nice dark wood of the bedframe, the bed now looking so much nicer than the rest of my furniture pieces.

“Thanks. For the new bed.”, I tell him, smiling up at him, getting on my tiptoes.

“No need to thank me, Liebes.”, he answers, leaning down and meeting me halfway for a kiss. “It was my fault you needed a new one in the first place.”, a wry grin accompanying his words.

“Well, this looks much sturdier like the one I had before.” I tap the wooden frame, a hollow knock resounding.

“Well, I needed to make sure that it wouldn’t break that easily again.”, he says, smiling down at me, a twinkle in his eyes. A reminder of how we broke it in the first place.

“Care to test that theory?”, I ask him cheekily, although I’m not really in the mood right now. My heart is way too heavy.

Before I can say anything else, he grabs me by the waist and lifts me up on the bed, the mattress dipping down under my weight. His hands are steadying me when I start to jump up and down, bouncing on it. Damn, it’s really nice. And I don't dare to ask how much he spent on it.

“Sturdy enough, you think?”, he asks me.

I nod. “You wanna come up here too?”, I tease him.

He shakes his head, just grinning, following my movements up and down with his eyes.

“Oh come on!”, I exclaim, not ready to stop this sillyness.

He pulls up his eyebrows. “I don’t think that would be wise, we don’t need to push it.”, he grins, when all of a sudden, there’s a faint cracking sound, and I stop, almost toppling over trying to hold my balance on the wobbling mattress.

“Point and case.”, he remarks as his arms coming around my waist as he lifts me off the bed.

“Okay, okay…”

I hold onto him like a little spider monkey, my legs closing around him, my cheek pressing against his shoulder as I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. Like I could keep him here like that. Or he’ll just take me with him when I stick to him like a limpet. Maybe I’m small enough to fit into his pocket.

My fingers get caught in his hair as I try to run them through it like I always do, and he pulls the hair tie from them, putting it away, letting me play with the long strands, as he goes to sit down.

The couch in my apartment is way smaller than his, his frame fills the cushions easily, so I have nowhere else to sit but his lap. Like I would have sat anywhere else. Trying to be as close to him as possible.

We’re not saying anything, just sitting here. My head rests against his shoulder, his scent all around me. I can hear his heart beat, feel it beneath my fingertips resting on his chest. Steady and strong, but a little too fast.

His hands are gently caressing my thighs and back, and even though I feel the sadness seep into me, the soft touches ground me.

We sit in silence for what seems eternity while at the same time lasting barely more than the blink of an eye. And I wish we could remain in this moment, frozen in time, but well.

He sighs softly, the deep sound pulling me from my thoughts, and I lift my head, to look at him.

“We need to say goodbye.” He slumps back, his shoulders hitting the backrest. “I wish I didn’t need to go.”, he exhales. Saying what I was thinking.

"Don't worry, I'll still be here when you're on leave again.", I tell him, softly kissing his cheek. He turns to me, the expression on his face serious and... a bit sad.

"But you shouldn't be.", he says, calm and steady.

"But-", I want to protest.

He shakes his head. "No, you should be with somebody your age, someone who can give you stability." He sighs. "Someone who can guarantee you that they'll come back to you. Every time they leave."

And the realisation hits me. He isn't saying goodbye for now. He's saying goodbye for good.

“I see.”, is all I manage because my feelings come crashing down over me with a vicious fervor. I thought I was going to have to deal with him leaving for weeks or months. With him being gone for a while. Not with a breakup.

“I’m sorry.”, he apologizes and starts to explain. “I never meant for this to go this far or… this deep.” The admission in his words makes my stomach flip upside down. I actually feel a little nauseous as my hands grip my own thighs, trying to hold onto something. “And I should’ve maybe said something earlier.” He swallows hard.

“The truth is that I had the best time this leave, and that was solely because of you.” He finally looks at me again, the raw emotions in his eyes almost scaring me. But the resolve in them is clear as well. “I couldn’t get myself to break it off. But I can’t make you wait for me either. Because I can’t even promise you that I will return.” His voice is shaking now and seeing him like this makes my lower lip tremble as I just try to breathe.

“And I can’t do that to you. The thought of you waiting for me at home and only a casket coming back… has been killing me inside these past few days.” The words come out choked and I can’t look at him anymore, my head snapping to the side as that image fills my mind. “Fuck, I’m really sorry, okay?”

We sit here like this for a moment longer. His hands stopped caressing my thighs and back, and I want to scream. The cold feeling of loss grips my heart, a viciously clawed hand leaving gaping wounds as it was making its way up my chest. He’s still sitting underneath me, but I feel like he’s already gone.

“I get it.”, I finally say, my voice trembling and hoarse. Still not able to look at him because I wouldn’t have been able to hold back my tears.

“I knew you would.”, he says, the words breaking up as he speaks. And I think back to when he told me that he couldn’t have a partner or family because his job won’t allow it. And I finally get why he thinks like that. At least I guess so. The big house devoid of any life but him, his own little safe haven, and I only now understand how temporary this whole arrangement really had been. I just didn’t see it. Maybe because I didn’t want to.

While I still try to process everything, he lifts me up and sets me down on the cushions of the couch. Like he did countless times the last few weeks. In his living room. And a sob tears from my chest because the gesture reminds me of so many tender and filthy moments at the same time. I hug my knees, pulling them close to me, already missing the warmth of his body. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.

He crouches down, coming face to face with me, and it just hurts to look at him. The bandshirt he bought for the concert we went to together. The tattoos on his knuckles, straining from the tension in his balled-up fists. The long dark hair, pushed to the side, falling back down his shoulder. I don’t need to touch it, to know how soft it feels. The mouth that smiled at me so often. The lips I have kissed countless times and that have kissed every inch of my body. The furrowed brows. The slack expression on his face concealing the laughlines. And for the first time since I’ve known him looking into his eyes doesn’t give me comfort.

He carefully takes my chin, the pads of his fingertips rough against the skin, softly digging into my jaw, like he likes – liked to do. He leans forward pressing a kiss to my lips which almost makes the tears drop from my eyes. A kiss to say goodbye, gentle and bittersweet.

"Stay safe, okay?", he whispers, his eyes looking intently into mine, but I can only nod. My throat is closed up because I know he won't be safe. Not saying anything because I don't want to cry in front of him. Because that will only make it harder, on both of us.

He straightens back up and leaves. The door falls shut behind him.

And I finally let the waterworks flow, sobs shaking my chest as I throw myself into the couch where he sat just a few moments ago.

Mimi’s meow pulls me from my crying fit when she jumps up onto the couch, her little head bumping into me, and I pull her against my chest, the tears rolling down my cheeks. And the odd thought crosses my mind if the crinkles in the book on his shelf are the only remainders of me in his house. While I have this new bed.

How did we get here? Masterlist

a/n: i have been working on this chapter for months and i knew what was coming and now that it's finished, i can't help but still feel the sadness hitting me 🥲 - and no, this is not the last chapter (in case you were fearing that rn) take this recipe for authentic austrian beef gulasch as a token of my apology

[hypnoneghoul]

Sundown: Chapter 3

WC: 600

Relationship: SwissAlps

Tags: Transfeminine Mountain, AU; Cowboy!Swiss x Barmaid!Mountain, Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together

She shifts as she slowly wakes, too, nuzzling in closer to him. “Mhm…how’d my girl sleep?” he asks, pulling her impossibly closer.

Notes: This one is just a cute little fill :3

Read chapter 1 here or on AO3.

Read chapter 3 under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss has been in Sundown for two months now and it has been the happiest two months of his entire life. He is a changed man.

His insides twist every time he sees Mounty smile at him, he blushes every time she calls him her boyfriend. He’s never been anyone’s anything, not like that.

Swiss is completely and utterly gone.

He yawns as he slowly comes to, waking in the early morning to sun peeking through the carelessly shut curtains and muffled noises of the town starting yet another day. Swiss takes a deep breath, inhaling the fresh, flowery scent surrounding him. He buries his face in the source of that scent—the soft, dark amber locks of Mounty.

She shifts as she slowly wakes, too, nuzzling in closer to him to get that little bit more comfort before they get up and leave the warm bubble that is their bed.

“G’mornin’,” she mumbles into Swiss’ shoulder and he squeezes her waist in acknowledgement.

“Mhm…how’d my girl sleep?” he asks, pulling her impossibly closer. His morning voice is rumbly and gravelly and it never fails at making Mounty shiver. 

“Good,” she replies simply. “You’re comfortable.”

Swiss laughs and the barmaid’s heart throbs. He leans down to press a kiss to her forehead and his stubble scratches her lightly in the best way possible. A forehead kiss isn’t enough, though, and so Mounty tips her head back to demand a real one. Swiss is a weak man; he can’t not oblige.

They get lost in it a bit, as usual, not caring about the work they both have, the outside of their bed in general. They spend the next few minutes—or hours—simply staring at each other with smiles painted on their faces and kissing every five seconds like nothing beside them even exists.

Something beside them does exist, though, and it reminds them of that fact itself. Or rather himself, as Dewdrop comes pounding on their door. “Come on, Rain needs something from yours, Mounty!”

The pair giggles and kisses some more, but soon enough they do emerge from their room and walk down the stairs into the bar area. Dewdrop’s waiting there with a piece of paper—presumably some instructions from Rain—in one hand, and a glass of water in the other.

“Woah, Dew, you alright?” Swiss asks with a smirk.

“Yeah…why?” the other asks, a little confused. Mounty understands, though, and she smiles as she takes the paper from Dewdrop to go fetch what his partner needs.

“Water at nine in the morning? Not beer?” Swiss teases and Dewdrop scoffs, hitting him lightly on the shoulder.

“According to Phantom I should hydrate myself properly in the morning before work,” the man sighs. He’s obviously not happy about that. “Rain agrees and so I’m being blackmailed into it every morning.”

He cringes as he takes another sip and Swiss bursts out laughing at his face—looking like he’s just been poisoned at the very least. Just then Mounty returns and she points at Swiss, “Careful, I should be doing the same to you.”

Swiss stops laughing.

“Uh, anyway,” he clears his throat, “Dew, would you mind taking a look at Monty’s hooves when you’ve got a minute? I think she needs a trim now that we ain't wearing them down on the road.”

“Mhm, sure. I’ll be going now,” Dewdrop nods and leaves his—still half full—glass on the counter completely by accident. Mounty shakes her head and chuckles as she walks over to Swiss. He throws an arm over her shoulder and brings her close to kiss her once again.

“Ready for the day, sweetheart?” he asks.

“As long as you stay with me.”

[yutaleks]

This is targeted towards me myself and I

cw: children and baby talk. You have a son who’s just gone off to uni. 🥲

“Yuuta, quit it, you’re heavy,” you whine, squirming around on the bed.

It’s evening, not yet the time you’d typically sleep, but late enough to crawl into bed. And yet, when Yuuta comes in after you, it’s not to lay beside you, but to wedge himself between your legs and plant his head onto your chest, wrapping himself around you like a koala to a tree.

“Mm, let me stay like this a little longer,” he mumbles, snaking his arms around your middle and squeezing. If he weren’t six feet tall and heavy as hell you would brand him a child, clingier than your son has ever been.

“You’ve been moping for all of three days,” you sigh, patting down his hair. There’s strands of grey peppered through his dark hair that you comb through with your fingers affectionately. “You’ll make yourself go even more grey at this rate.”

You feel him stiffen up. You can’t see his expression, as he has his face turned, but by the little huff you hear he must be pouting.

“Is it bad? Do you want me to dye it?”

“No! It looks good on you,” he’s close enough for you to lean down and kiss his head. Which you do, instantly giving respite to his bones. He relaxes against you again, and once again his entire weight is pressed against your chest. You giggle. “If you dye it, everyone think you’re the student when we go to visit Hiro next week.”

Yuuta chuckles. “You think so?”

“Well maybe that would be better actually,” you muse. “Then all those moms at these parent meetings can stop ogling at you.”

“I never noticed.”

You very clearly remember Yuuta having to politely smile and worm his way out of the clutches of all the other older moms, like some kind of pop idol avoiding his rabid fans. Who knew middle-aged moms were so persistent?

“Too busy trying not to cry, were you?”

“Maybe,” he replies defeatedly as you wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“It’s not like it’s his first time at school. He’s a man now, he’ll be okay,” you tell him, though even for you the thought of your son’s very first day of school brings back a lot of precious memories. Including the one where Yuuta started crying in the car after the drop-off. “He came home that first day with the biggest smile. He’s always been so brave, ya know.”

You hear him sniffle as he laughs. “Much braver than me.”

“I miss him too,” you sigh, your voice less playful and much softer to Yuuta’s ears. “Feels kinda weird now that it’s just us two, huh?”

Yuuta buries his face down onto your chest, and starts mumbling something. All you hear is “we… baby,”

“Okkotsu,” you push on his head, to make him face you. “Did I just hear you say what I think you said?”

He avoids your gaze, though by the tint to his cheeks you’re sure you’ve heard him correctly. “Not sure what you mean,”

“Another baby? That’s crazy talk, Yuu,”

This time he does meet your stare, blue eyes blinking up at you with sincerity. “Is it crazy? It was hard when we were young but, I’d do it all again with you. In a heartbeat.”

This time it’s you who can’t look at him, turning away as he makes you feel flustered. “We’re—we’re too old for that kind of thing,” you sputter, bringing a palm to your warm face.

“We’re not even forty. It’s totally possible,” Yuuta starts to lift himself off of you, adjusting your positions just enough to hover over you. “I’ve just thought about it, is all.”

You feel a hand sneak under your shirt, touching your side. A laugh bubbles out of your lips before you can stop it. “I know what you’re doing, Okkotsu.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, playing innocent as he lands a kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“Trying to butter me up with tears over Hiro… you’re cheeky.”

“Those tears were very real, sweetheart. I miss him terribly.”

You move one of your feet, brushing over his crotch. “Then why are you hard right now?”

“Was thinking about making a baby with you, can you blame me?” he kisses at your throat, the heat of it way too persuasive for what you’d like.

“Mhm,” is the best you can manage, too distracted by him and his kisses and his touch.

“Missing Hiro and this, they are not mutually exclusive,” he adds.

“That’s a lot to ask, Yuuta. Starting all over…”

“There’s only one person I’d do it a hundred times over with,” he says before he finally meets your lips, conveying his feelings to you with a soft, earnest kiss.

“Stop that,” you tell him half heartedly, when he pulls away. When he starts talking about his feelings for you is always when he has you at your weakest point. “If you keep talking like that…”

“You’ll think about it?” He smiles.

“…I’ll take it under consideration.”

[i-am-beckyu]

In the Hands of my Tormentor

Yelloooooo! Been a lil bit since I've posted any writing! Been a bit hard getting much written with life and work at the moment but I had this random g/t thought and ran with it to get this lil fic. So enjoy another random oc created for the purpose of this fic lol.

Premise: You've been transported to another world where giants see humans as lesser and have ended up the pet of a Count.

cw: Fear, fear of death, fatal scenes mentioned, panic, mentions of being eaten alive, death mentions (no one dies tho), anxiety, torture, manipulation. Just the opposite of what I usually post lol. wc: 2318

Terror. 

That’s all I could feel as I watched in horror as the giant noble scarfed down their meal. Giant fangs tearing through meat 100x my size, as if it was sliced bread. I forced myself to not react as I heard them swallow, knowing full well should they tire of me- their pet, I may very well be the next one sliding down that wretch’s throat. 

In this world, Giants didn’t see anything smaller than them as intelligent. If you were found, the lucky ones either died or were crushed between teeth as big as boulders like food. And if you think ‘How’s that lucky?! That’s horrid!’ Be glad you’re not the one being digested alive.

But even that was a mercy compared to my fate. 

Every day I tread the thin line of a tightrope; a timer hanging over my head. Forced to live life as a performance, every step perfect in order to please my Master.

“TWIRL!” He’d demand.

“JUMP!” He’d spit.

“SING!” He’d sneer- and I’d do it without hesitation or face death itself.

For as humiliating as it was, being ‘keep’ worthy; even for a derogatory laugh, it was better than being deemed useless and ready for brutal discarding. And with how little manic glee he’d been having with me lately, that may be sooner than not. For if I have no worth, what’s stopping them from doing away with me?

Tonight I was on display at another one of their dinner parties. Parties they threw more to show their class standing and possessions than for company. Sometimes I’d be in a cage forced to sing like a songbird, other times I’d be kept on the table with a ribbon clamped around my ankle to perform tricks or be petted by gloved fingers.

The guests would often have varying responses at my presence.

“Such a rare delicacy humans are and you're wasting it as a pet?”

“What a wretched little thing it is. Why not just eat it and be done?”

“As amusing as it is, why keep it around when it’s a better snack?”

After a while, you learn to tune out the loud voices. It’s just a reminder I’m only seen as food, insignificant, a pest. I only listen to the Master's voice. He’s the only one that matters. I sit just to his right today. The ribbon on my ankle is too tight, and I can feel the way my foot has started to go numb from the lack of blood flow. I look at it absentmindedly, the phantom pain of a blade forced against an angry scar, throbs against the ribbon. Strange I can’t feel my foot and yet still feel the pain of past escapes. I stopped trying a long time ago. Better to submit then endure his sick pleasures again.

I try not to think about the will I’ve given up; the life I’ve submitted to and try to listen to the giants conversing overhead.

Had it not been for the size difference and ignorance to the obvious, the giants were just like us. Take away all the power-hungry madness and torture of the little guy and the giants were just like humans if they were living in a medieval fantasy. Perhaps in another world, I would have been one of the guests…

“Dance, Human.” Master demands, and I stand and let my body move the way I know it pleases the giant. I don’t even think about the steps anymore, I just let myself move as if I were a robot programmed with the steps.

The giants above me laugh, clap and snicker. I know I’ve done my dance right. They’re all talking around the table, some whispering to each other with cruel gazes locked on my form. Others are spitting profanities at me and joking to my Master about making me do more tricks. 

There was only one giant that didn’t seem interested in my suffering. They sat at the opposite end of the table silently, and hadn’t moved much beyond drinking from their cup. I didn’t pay them much mind. One less giant drooling over me was a blessing. 

I let their voices blend together as I continued to move, the only voice I was listening for was my Masters, and I knew he was grinning ear to ear with all the attention on his greatest possession. 

His rare and desirable human.

“Now sing.” He says sickeningly sweet and my mouth obeys as I sing old scales used to warm up my voice whilst I continue to dance.

He never said I could stop.

I don’t know how long this continued for, the time always blurred together with every order and step at these events. All I know is the giants are enjoying it for the time being and all hungry eyes are on me. I will do as they want till I’m so desirable, that Master snatches me away- just teasing the lessers with what they can’t have. I can see the manic glee in their eyes at being so close to myself. I know what they want, and I scold my expression to not let the fear show on my face. 

My legs ached, but I pushed on; my voice wasting away from overuse. Everything was starting to burn from the effort it took to do both. I sang a long high note and began to spin, a bad combo but my brain was on autopilot. How much longer till I collapse?

“Stop.” Master demanded; my saving grace but not by much. I stopped immediately, finishing the pirouette and ceasing my song. I didn’t dare move despite my labored breathing, fully aware that the command wasn’t just for me, for in the corner of my eye I saw it. 

An outstretched white, gloved hand reached for me- and it was not my Masters.

That was all that was said before the ribbon around my ankle yanked me back, sending me tumbling forward as I was reeled in. I kept my head down, biting my tongue to stop myself from screaming as I felt the glazed wooden table burn against my hands and knees as I was dragged. My performance was done. And so was the fool of a giant that had tried to take me. 

Or so I thought.

Giants had tried to take me from Master before that was a given, but I was his snack (as he liked to remind me) and those that had tried to take what was his, had been dragged out shrieking. But this one had the room silent. Someone with a demanding presence other than my Master had the room freeze.

“So Ed,” 

“That’s Count Edwin, to you.” Master spat at the other Giant.

“May I remind you who the Duke is here, Count Edwin.” the Duke replied nonchalantly, taking a sip of his drink. I saw the way the Master's hand tensed at the notion. 

He was irritated. 

Very few had the nerve to undermine him and make it out unscathed. So far nothing had happened to this Duke, which made him a threat.

“I understand you invited me here tonight to make a deal.” The Duke asked.

“Yes, that’s correct.” The grit in the Master's voice confirmed my suspicions. He’d interrupted his showing off. They were treading on thin ice. 

“I wish to put a natural water irrigation system to my crops from the south river. The river in question however, borders the edge of your land and in order for me to utilize it, would require access to your land.”

“And you want me to allow your filthy hands access to my river.” The Duke remarked.

Master's hand tightened on his utensils. Whoever this man was really had the Giant getting into a tizzy, which was never good for me. For all the time that I’d been here, it was very rare that anyone dared to go up against Master, let alone insult him. I felt a slight sense of justice from the thought. Even if it would never be me to do it, at least someone would knock them off their high horse.

I couldn’t help but glance up to see what such a person looked like and was surprised by what I saw. It was the uninterested giant from before.

Just like their attitude, the Giants' features matched their blunt, cold attitude. Jet black, side swept hair and dressed in a navy blue velvet coat, adorned with gold trims and fine sapphires bigger than my head, the Duke- the most regal man I’d ever seen in all my life, was listening to my Master with an icy cold stone stare. 

The man seemed bored of this tedious exchange and I could tell their patience was beginning to run thin as my Master blabbered on and on about the Giants river.

I wondered how long the fire would build behind the Duke’s eyes before their tolerance met its peak, and would put my Master in their place. For once I was glad they paid me no mind.

“I have much gold to offer in return for the river and with the greater yields we would produce, I’m happy to offer 5% of the total harvest.” Master’s smile curled into a grin as they folded their hands. They did that whenever something they wanted was about to go their way.

I averted my gaze back to my feet at this. They always got mad when they caught me staring. How sad I knew what his tells were.

“While your offer is good Edwin, as a Duke with the amount of land I have, your offer is insignificant to me. Why give you access to my river when I produce five times the amount you yield in a year?”

Master lost his composure at that, clearly not expecting such a response. Unsurprising when he acts like a toddler who has never been told no. “Well yes but-” 

“If you expect me to share such a precious resource, I expect a greater sum.” The Duke cut him off. “Or an offer with something of rarity to actually compensate for the price. Something like…” 

No. No, he can’t mean…

The duke took a sip from his cup as if contemplating, but only a fool didn’t know he’d already made up his mind the second he set eyes on me.

“That human.”

The Duke slammed the cup down, hitting the table with a clink as my head shot up and snapped straight to the Duke, my worst fears confirmed reality. The Duke’s ice blue eyes bore into my small figure. If I thought my grubby Master was scary then the Duke was sheer terror. 

His eyes pierced my very soul pinning me in place, and I stared straight back, unable to hide the terror on my face despite the consequences. Though it could have just been adrenaline, I swear I saw their eyes soften when they noticed my expression change, though it did little to put me at ease. His presence was terrifying and it hit me then why the room was so quiet. Why Master was so mad he had no control over this Giant.

This was a man with power.

I knew if I was what it wanted, then no one would be stupid enough to say no twice. Everyone in the room knew what his eyes were locked on. 

“You want me to trade my human, for access to the river?” The Count replied as he dragged me closer, pulling me away from my terror. “That hardly seems fair seeing how incredibly rare and delightful they are. It’s just about bored me enough that I'm peckish. I love to break their spirits just enough that they’re kicking and screaming to the end.” 

At this, I was flung into the air with a yelp before the Count caught me in a harsh grip. I cried out in pain as he squeezed my ribs tight to the point I was sure they’d break.

“It would be a waste to let all this time go to not enjoy them myself.”

“It’s the human or nothing.” The Duke insisted. “You have nothing more that I want.”

I risked looking up at the Duke again, the fire in his eyes seemed to have tripled. “It’s as you said, humans are incredibly rare. Are they truly worth a yearly supply of better income?”

My Masters hand began to squeeze tighter around me and I’m only lucky that the air had been forced out of my lungs enough before I could scream. His anger being directed on the only thing he could control in the moment, only for the pressure to leave as quickly as it came and I found myself falling.

“Deal.” 

And that was the only warning I had before everything flashed a violent white. My whole body was in complete and utter agony and yet I couldn’t even scream. I could feel silent tears dripping down my face as my vision began to dance with black blurry spots. This is where I died.

Everything felt cold, until it wasn’t. 

I felt myself engulfed in pure warmth as careful hands moved and cradled my broken body. I could hear muffled voices shouting and moving before the slamming of a door ceased all else. Dark blobs broke in between the black and I knew deep down I was in the Duke’s hands, but the soft warmth they provided blurred all other judgment. I hadn’t been warm- truly warm since I’d been brought here, and yet somehow I was now at ease. 

Perhaps it was just my mind twisting the truth as a last mercy to let me die peacefully.

“Rest now,” A voice whispered over head as the world faded to black. “I’ve got you now.” 

Funny how my mind could create such a promise after so much pain…

✩₊˚.⋆⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆⋆⁺₊✧

Don't worry, the Duke's actually the good guy in this lol. I have it head cannoned that he fixes them all up and helps them get home.

I may write onto this, I might not who knows! The fact I've written in a different pov to me is wild though! Thank you to squishy, xyz and especially munchkin for beta reading this. (Seriously savior on my grammar qwp) Thank you if you read this far and I hope you enjoyed!!!!

Tag List Link here: @local-squishmallow @brick-a-doodle-do @justarandomsloth @veryfunkycheesecake @munchkin1156 @kayla-crazy-stuffs @da3dm @eiscreme135 @orchid-harmony @the-tiny-lurker @colossal-red @nobodywritingao3 @nata2343 @bad-author777 @crazyfoxgirl10 @guppybubbles

(also side note: other wips are still being written. I am aware JORNOS has not updated in months but it's not been forgotten <3)

[somefanchick]

-Riddle Me This-

(This story is from Riddle's perspective anytime the events of book two. I only know information from the English server story and events so sorry if anything is terribly out of character. This fic is platonic and is cannon for my Yuu-sona, but I do just call them Yuu in the story. Hope you enjoy! Ps. There is a little bit of cussing. I do not own the picture <3)

I couldn’t help but feel guilty. My overblot was the first of many, and they've had to deal with all of them. It was infuriating that I had started a trend of trouble that was pilled onto Yuu’s lists of tasks. Of course it wasn’t completely my doing. However the more it happened, the more something in the back of my mind said I needed to make it up to them.

Trey asked me to deliver a caramel apple tart to them so I was doing just that. Normally he would ask Ace and Deuce, but they had to feed the flamingos. He then looked at Carter, but I insisted on doing it myself. I had noticed that Yuu seemed distant during lunch. They were staring into the distance, clearly not looking at anything or listening to their group of friends as they slowly spooned some soup into their mouth. 

I rang the doorbell only to be met with silence. I knew that they had to be in their dorm because that’s where they always are when they weren’t doing a task for the headmaster or going to class. I admired how determined they were to improve their living accommodations with their own blood, sweat, and tears. They seemed insulted when Trey had previously offered his help in the endeavor, so I had never asked myself, but I knew Ace and Deuce had found some way to help them without them refusing or being hateful about the assistance.

I rang the doorbell once again, only to be met with silence once more. My gut told me to try the doorknob, so I did. The door opened with barely any resistance. 

“Yuu? It’s Riddle,” My voice came out weak and uncertain, I was shaken by the easy entry, “I brought a tart.”

I looked in the living room to find Grim asleep on the couch, a small fire lit in the fireplace. Yuu was still nowhere to be seen. 

“Why hello,” I jumped when the ghost started speaking out of nowhere, “You’re Housewarden Rosehearts right?”

“Yes,” I composed myself quickly, “I came to drop this off on behalf of my vice-warden. Where is Yuu?”

Another ghost made his way over, “I’d put the tart in the kitchen, Yuu isn’t exactly in the mood to see visitors right now.”

My gut twisted, "Are they okay? Where are they?”

The smallest ghost made his own appearance, “We don’t know. They kicked us out of their room. They've been there since class ended today.”

“They kicked Grim out too,” The first ghost crossed his spectral limbs, “That’s how we know they're in a bad mood, not just napping.”

“Thanks for letting me know,” I made up my mind. I had to trust my gut.

I left the ghosts and placed the tart in the refrigerator in the kitchen. The fridge was pretty empty, only leaving some juice that I knew Ace had brought last time they had a movie night and some cans of Tuna hidden from Grim on the highest shelf. I was able to place the tart on a shelf alone.

I then made my way up to her room. It was oddly quiet with Grim and the ghosts staying downstairs. I could see that Yuu was in the middle of remodeling some of the smaller rooms, airing them out and leaving their dorm as the only one closed.

“Yuu,” My gut was pushing past my manners, something told me that this was more important, “It’s Riddle.”

“Didn’t the ghosts tell you to leave me alone?” Their voice was a weak hiss, “I can’t do it right now.”

“Do ‘it’?” I was confused, “Yuu what is going on?”

 “Just leave me alone,” Yuu was a bit louder, then they mumbled something I couldn’t hear even though I was right behind her door.

“Can I come in?” I put my hand on the handle, “I need you to talk to me.”

“Why won’t you go away!?” They screamed suddenly and my body stiffened.

I opened the door.

They sat on the floor like it was the center of the storm. Windows had the curtains drawn so the room was as dark as it could be in the middle of the day. The room had clothes scattered rabidly, uniforms and other pieces of clothing that I recognized from school events scattered among the bed sheets that had been pulled from the bed erratically where they hung off the bed. I could tell that Yuu's room was normally clean but they had managed to tear everything onto the ground and wreck the place as if they were a hurricane. Something in my heart hurt when I realized the destruction reminded me of the Heartslabyul garden after my overblot. 

“Go away,” They was mumbling but now I could hear them, “It isn’t real. I have to wake up.”

“‘Isn’t real’?” I approached with caution, “Yuu what are you talking about?”

“This!” They gestured all around themselves without really thinking, “It’s not real. It can’t be real. People don’t-” They were struggling to breathe, but they weren’t crying, “People don’t care about me like this. That’s not how it works. This is all just some stupid dream. I can’t get attached. I can’t. I can’t-”

They was having a panic attack. I had not had one since I was a kid and they were never properly dealt with, so I had no idea what was appropriate. It also confused me because what they were saying didn’t make sense. “‘People don't care about me like this.’” “‘This is all just some stupid dream.’” “‘It’s not real.’”

Yuu, while somewhat blunt and egotistical, was one of the most beloved people in the school. It had become rare that people would mess with them for the sole fear of the repercussions from them or those that cared about them. They helped so many people through difficult times. They were smart, cunning, ruthless, caring, fierce, and loyal beyond most people at this school. Why wouldn’t people care about them?

“Yuu,” I tried to mimic Trey’s comforting tactics as I had seen him do with me, other students, and his siblings on the rare occasion that I saw them. I kneeled down to reach their level and tried to get them to focus on me without touching them, “I’m going to need you to name five things you can see.”

They froze for a moment and I was afraid I had somehow made it worse. But they looked me in the eye with some confusion before slowly glancing around the room.

“I see you,” They let out a breath, “I see my camera on the mantle, Grim’s bed, the cleaning supplies in the hallway, and the mess I made.”

I smiled, “I will help clean that up. Now I need you to name four things you can feel.” 

I saw their vision focus, as if their brain and eyes were realigning, “The wooden floor. The carpet. My clothes. Warm air.”

I nodded, “That’s it. What are three things you can hear?”

Their breathing slowed to a normal pace, “My breath,” they paused to listen, “That one branch outside my window banging against the building. And you.”

“Good job,” I watched as they stopped hunching over and moved to sit criss-cross, “Two things you can smell.”

They inhaled deeply, “Dust and cleaning supplies.”

I took a deep breath of my own, “And one thing you taste.”

“Toothpaste aftertaste,” They were grounded, “I haven’t eaten today.”

“I brought a tart from Trey,” I held out a finger, “Normally I wouldn’t approve of eating dessert for breakfast, but this is a special case.”

They laughed dryly, “Thanks Riddle. What kind of tart is it?”

“Caramel apple,” I shrugged, “He wanted to try a new recipe.”

“Nice,” They looked around at the mess, “Damn. I can’t believe I did this. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I motioned to the clothes on the mirror, “You had to deal with my overblot. It’s only fair.”

“Merlin,” I could almost hear them grit their teeth as they rose to their feet, “I can’t believe-”

I rushed to stand so I could keep them from tumbling back to the floor, “Don’t rush yourself. I don’t want you passing out.”

“I’m so sorry,” They pulled themself off of me and sat on the bed, “I just- No. There's no excuse. I need to stop being stupid.”

“You weren’t being stupid,” I stood in front of them, “This kind of stuff is normal. You’re under a lot of stress and you don’t really have an outlet. Trust me. I get it.”

“You don’t,” they laid back on the bed, “I’m not from here. I’m from another world that is so different from this,” They let out another dry laugh, “People here are as bad as me, ego-wise. You all seem to care about me. Isn’t that insane?” They sat up, “I went from only two people in the world caring if I dropped dead, to dozens of people seeming to genuinely give a shit about my existence. Isn’t that insane?” I could see their eyes glossing over, like the panic and dread was settling back in, “I mean, I’m the same person. Why would people care about me now when I used to be so desperate to have a single person even acknowledge my existence without hating me? There’s no way it’s real right? I have to be in some kind of coma or something and this is some fever dream where people don’t hate me for existing. Right? Why would anyone like me? Let alone do things for me. I don’t-”

“Yuu,” I had to stop her from spiraling back, “This isn’t a dream,” I found myself trusting my gut once again and taking her hands in mine, “This is real. I don’t know what it was like in your world, but we care about you,” I let go of their hands, “I know Ace would have moved out of Heartslabyul if he wasn’t able to escape here with you and Deuce. And,” I looked down, “I probably wouldn’t have lived through my overblot without you.”

That seemed to bring them back again, “It’s real. All of it.”

“Yeah,” I sat down on the other side of the bed, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you saying sorry for?” Yuu stood, this time their legs supported them, “I’m the one who made a fool of myself. You-”

“Have made more than a fool of myself,” I smiled, “I overblotted. I was the first domino in the series of troubles you’ve had to face. And then I embarrass myself by forgetting you are human.”

“Excuse me?” They turned to look at me as I stood back up.

I made my way forward, “I forget you are human sometimes. You seem so ethereal. You work hard but it looks so easy for you. You handle our issues with ease, even though it has to take such a toll on you. And I’m sorry for that. You have your own issues and I think all of us forget that.”

They stopped looking at me, “Can we go eat now?”

“Yeah,” I could tell she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

They stood and made their way out of the room. I followed behind, watching for any sign of further distress or panic. No one in the house seemed to notice Yuu had emerged from their room. They opened the fridge, retrieved the tart, and then moved to get the proper silverware for the food. 

That’s when I really got a look at them. Her clothes hung off her body awkwardly, as if they was far too small for the pajamas. Their hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a while. Their eyes had bags and their legs shook slightly.

“I didn’t see any other food in the fridge,” I spoke softly as they began to cut the tart, “Do you need to go grocery shopping? I could go-”

“No I’m fine,” They spoke bluntly as they placed a slice of tart in front of me and began to get their own slice, “Crowley doesn’t give me food money until the end of this week. I don’t have enough to go shopping right now. Just enough for school lunches. And some tuna so I can get Grim to help out.”

“Yuu.”

They gave me my silverware and put the remaining tart in the fridge before sitting to eat their own slice, “Don’t lecture me on starving myself. That’s not what this is.”

They kept going without my prompt, “Look. I’m not used to this. It’s not so surprising that I think it’s some kind of fever dream. I’ve gone 18 years with only a few people caring if I lived or died. Now all of a sudden I come to a whole new world where that person is gone, but almost a dozen people seem to genuinely think I’m worth caring about. It's an emotional whiplash. I know I’m going to regret this but I’ve got to just get it out. I’m a horrible person. I’m not some saint like you seem to think. I’m an egotistical asshole who is a know-it-all and who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. I’m ungrateful and spoiled. I’m just an adult who has no idea what to do and then I got sucked here and I am more confused than ever. I guess it all just bubbled over.”

“Yuu,” I took a bite of my tart and swallowed before speaking again, “If that is what you think of yourself then I think it wasn’t just your environment that changed.”

“What?” Yuu stopped eating and looked up at me, “I don’t change.”

I looked at them, “Could have fooled me.”

We ate the rest of the food in silence. Yuu was far from healed, but some part of me knew that what I had seen was sacred. It was an unspoken rule. No one else gets to know what I have seen and heard today. At least, not unless Yuu was the one telling them. I made a mental note to send Ace and Deuce here to spend some time with our magicless prefect with a large bag of healthy and nourishing foods.

[philsmeatylegss]

please yap about dip and pip's relationship with pj, I want to know more

FUCKING YESS!!! WHOO HOO!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY!!!

Okay so I haven’t brushed up on my PJ lore in a while, so correct me if any of this is wrong, but I’m sticking with the basics.

What gets me about their friendship is that they’ve been through it all together. Once again, correct me if I’m wrong, but him and Phil were friends before Dan started making videos, correct? It could’ve been after. Point is, he was there pre youtube era, bat shit insane era, and out era. And there’s proof they’ve stayed close through it all. I cannot imagine the pressure of maintaining a normal friendship under the circumstances they were under. I will fully admit myself I am one curious mf first thing I would ask is if they were together. And to have a bunch of 13 year olds yelling at you to do so, I can’t imagine just seeing all of that and then casually heading out to see a movie or get dinner.

I have a head cannon which I feel like I have enough reason to treat it like cannon and that’s that dnp only were close to YouTubers who didn’t care about their sexuality/relationship. You had to be there, but the 2014 british youtuber boom, dnp were making collabs with people who just were so different and it showed. And I don’t think people will understand if they weren’t there how big of a thing “phan” was. They were described usually something along the lines of “those friends with the matching hair that fans think are together.” So when you mix personalities that, to no one’s fault, just don’t blend, mix it with the pressure of five million thirteen year olds, and mix it with people who one has a lot wrong with them, that’s a really bad mixture to set up a friendship. I believe other than Louise and PJ, who dnp knew before hand (pretty sure louise, might have been at the start of their career), tyler oakley and Anthony seem to be the only creators they seemed comfortable around. I forgot why I started talking about this. Oh, the conditions in which friendship had to stand under.

I truly don’t know how to explain how insane the phandom used to be. And how widespread. As someone approaching the age they were when they started to blow up, I am amazed they didn’t leave the internet.

This whole long rant is to say that it was overwhelming to even be in the vicinity of dnp. The amount of pressure is something I truly cannot describe. And it’s hard to explain if you weren’t there, but I cannot imagine an outsider maintaining a relationship with the two of them with the pressures both within the relegation ship and outside. Because let’s also not forget Dan’s mental health and trauma was triggered every time a “phan is real” comment happened. It was truly such a chaotic time and I think the reason they didn’t have a lot of friends was because they couldn’t.

So it’s just that it must have been so fucking hard. And they must have a very close bond to have survived what their friendship endured. It was such a unique scenario to be pulled into and deciding to come along for the ride is something I find so admirable.

I also think PJ has been a part of their journey with sexuality and how public they were about being together. From what we know, Phil and PJ filmed together back when it was just millennials. To as recent as filming April Fool’s. That experience of watching that dynamic rise and fall and having to just follow and work with must’ve been crazy

If you look at a lot of the credits in dnp’s more professional videos, PJ is often in the credit and often has a big role. Really, it’s mostly the same people who dip and pip work with which gets me the most. It’s obvious they feel comfortable and genuine around him. We’ve seen behind the scenes how they discuss ideas. It’s just very relaxed, which is something dip and pip were deprived of as soon as they started blowing up. Everything had to be planned and thought through. And I think having an old friend who they were likely open to about their relationship and sexuality probably kept them sane. I do believe they are a lot closer than they put forward online and good for them. I think that’s why they’ve stayed friends for so long.

A lot of this is pure speculation. But it must be so cool to have watched your close friend go through the journey pip did, all the while being with someone he loved. But also helping them through it and helping them express themselves within their own boundaries.

That’s what I was yapping about at the start. I think the few YouTubers dip and pip remained close to Anthony, Louise, and Tyler, is because they seemed to like dan and phil because they liked dan and phil. There was no ulterior motive and they genuinely didn’t give a shit their relationship or what fans said. If I were dnp, I would have become very guarded with my emotions. But, at least from what we’ve seen, they seem very comfortable with Pj and his gf I forget her name but she’s so pretty.

When I think of friendship I think of what Peej has with dip and pip. There was so much obvious discomfort for so many years and being able to adapt to that is something special. Balancing public versus private. And just having such long history together. Once again, I’m not up to date on my lore, but I’m pretty sure Phil and Pj knew each other before Phil knew Dan. Or at least it was very close. Like they have been friends from the start. Pj was there for every stage. Every stage. And having a friend who remained neutral during it all probably really helped dip and pip not go nuts.

I truly cannot put into words how out of control the phandom was. Like I don’t even know how to phrase it. It was such a unique phenomena that I have never seen anything even close since. So it’s hard to really get across what it meant sticking with dip and pip during the height of their career, but it must have been so fucking hard on all sides.

And to just see after that chaos that they are still close, that they still film together, that they just hang out,,, I just find that very neat. And admirable. And I’m so curious to know more about it.

I’m not rereading any of this so enjoy the typos

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

[archduke-enver-gortash]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

[adore-gregor]

my football team is so hopeless

[autisticlenaluthor]

i feel like the universe is playing one big practical joke on me

[bitterpngs]

i am notttt strong enough for all of this today

[buriesitsteeth]

I was having a good day today for the first time since like…august and then someone said something and I’ve spiralled into anxiety grip ‘imworriedimworriedimworriedimworried’ brain and I’ve spoiled my night fr