#why do i feel the urge to say im ace

[sanjisblackasswife]

headcanons about the monster trio being jealous? 😏

Monster Trio Being Jealous (SFW/NSFW)

Ft. Sanji, Zoro, Luffy

CW: Ace Spoilers in Luffy, Oral Sex, Semi-public sex, Fingering, Riding, Luffy is OOC again mb, Edging, Overtsimulation

Sanji

SFW

Very fucking annoying

He gets pouty, very clingy, and unnecessarily protective

He doesn’t like seeing men approach you. It’s already an issue when Zoro—-his damn crew mate—who is around you 24/7 but now when you guys go to an island he has to “protect” you from other men as well.

Let’s say you and him were out shopping and he went to look at some food at a vendor beside a boutique you were in. Okay, now let’s say you drop something and a man came to pick it up for you. Sanji sees this because this jackass has a 6th sense of knowing a man is near you and comes in to kick him

“Are you fucking kidding me Sanji..”

“HE WAS TOUCHING YOU!”

“HE WAS PICKING UP A SHIRT I DROPPED! PLUS LOOK AT HIM HE’S LIKE 17?!”

“SO?!”

“I’M IN MY 20s!”

Most of y’all arguments are based on his jealously which is usually the first and only time Sanji is very stubborn with you denying that he is jealous. So what you can do to fix the situation is just shun him for an hour he cracks and apologizes Everytime.

NSFW

You both are heading back to the Sunny from nearly being arrested after Sanji ends up fighting the guy that also happened to be a Marine. When Sanji grabbed your hand suddenly and hit the corner landing you both in a small alleyway.

“San—MMM!”

He began kissing and sucking all over your lips like a true man in need.

The thing about Sanji is he feeds off of knowing he is the only person that can make you feel good, but when he feel challenged

Or moreso jealous

His touches are more desperate , he whines so much in your mouth for reassurance, “Please please tell me im the only man for you.”

It’s almost like his questions are rhetoric because he keeps moving his tongue in your mouth.

“San—!”

Unless you stop him he will prove on his knees to you, by throwing your thigh over his shoulder and suckle on your clit

He nearly cries inside your pussy, licking and telling you how much you mean to him, pleading you don’t leave him, and that he wants to be the only man to make you happy.

“I can only eat this pussy, right? Nobody else..”

You better tell him the truth fast before he fucks you against that alleyway wall.

Luffy

(AU where Ace Lives)

Is not a very jealous person like Sanji or Zoro, but The first time you every experienced it with Luffy was a treat.

You finally met Luffy’s brother Ace and you both hit it off so well. When you seen him again back in Wano it was like you both couldn’t separate from each other.

You had a small past fling with Luffy’s brother and though you both agreed it didn’t mean anything it didn’t stop wither of you from gravitating to the other.

And Luffy noticed this, and it made him unintentionally grumpy. He was more distracted, quiet, and focused on your actions.

Your dumbass don’t notice this, he knew about his brother and your past, but he never really cared until now. Why were you laughing with him so much? Why are you hugging him for so long?

Luffy didnt understand but he had a sudden urge to literally be on your back like a Koala. You and Ace didn’t mind it, yall assumed it was Luffy being Luffy until you grabbed Ace’s hand and your boyfriend slapped it down.

“What’s wrong with you, lil bro?”

“Nothing. I wanna see Y/N real quick.”

Nsfw

“I-i—!?”

“Hm? Why are you suddenly so…touchy with my brother?”

Words wasn’t even able to be spoken correctly out your mouth. You’ve just came and Luffy’s fingers haven’t let up. His thighs spread yours apart in front of your own mirror, his eyes barely visible, but you knew they were dark

“Hey.” Luffy spats out against your ear giving your clit a firm slap, you hiss out of embarrassment seeing your arousal splash against the tip of his fingers. “Look at me, please.”

He kept repeating the question and with each “i dont know” answer was a faster rub against your clit, or an additional finger to scissor you.

It was so odd to see Luffy not as loud as he usually is during sex. He was more focused on making you cum again and again and again mumbling how much better he is at this then anybody else to make you feel good.

“….’fuckin’ mine.”

Was the most you’d hear mumbled and groaned into your sweaty hot neck as he fucked himself into you.

Luffy didn’t even care to acknowledge his jealous behavior after he was done with you. He left to bring back some food to eat beside you as you laid on the bed a cum filled mess after being overstimulated by his fingers, tongue, and dick.

You ask if him he acted the way he did he just smiles at you and shrugs, “I just wanted to show you some love!”

Zoro

SFW

His form of jealously is being a little pissy bitch.

Like Sanji, but he’s passive aggressive towards you.

He will be very in denial about being jealous so don’t even bring it up.

He doesn’t stop acting that way until he gets over it.

Whenever that may be.

He has some issues verbally expressing himself towards you and you knew it before yall started dating so you began to know how to read his body language as a way of communicating with him.

Today must have been an off day though.

All day, absolutely all day you spent your time in the kitchen with sanji, talking with sanji, complimenting sanji. Everything that ero cook was doing you made sure to acknowledge it.

And zoro noticed.

When you finally have some alone time with Zoro he doesn’t even talk to you, just hums and grumbles. You noticed something was wrong but didnt care to ask until he walks over towards you as you’re bent over in the Crows Nest

NSFW

“Does that—fuck—stupid cook fuck you like this too?!”

“N-no!”

It was almost embarrassing how you was pressed against the cold wall, his pace not letting up. It started off so sweet. Him being so needy , kissing you, mumbling incoherent words on your skin and clingy up until he bites your neck.

Zoro manhandles you a bit more, not too much to where you’ll be in actual pain, but he isn’t afraid to move your body around in any position he desires.

“P-please ! Wait! Keep going!”

He lets out an airy chuckle looking down at your lewd damped body on his workout bench, lazily flicking his index finger on your sensitive clit. He has been so mean pulling out to stroke his cock in front of you right before you cum.

He even came on you instead.

You beg and plead at his teasing and edging up until you finally put two and two together when he says,

“Keep going? Like how you kept going back to that stupid ass cook to hang out with all day? Want me to go get him. Show him how much you need some cock?”

You didnt even realize from the beginning he was doing all this out of jealousy. Once you begin to apologize, he starts to feel a liittlllee bad and lets you finally cum on his dick.

Rest assured though, once you wake up out of your boyfriend’s arm you’re ganna give him an earful on him being a jealous baby instead of coming to speak to you about how he actually felt.

[mentally-disabled]

as an aroace, i dont understand the point or concept of marriage very well. to me its like making a contract with someone to be/live with them for the rest of your life?? if i ever actually got married, even in a queerplatonic way, that aint workin out for me, i would divorce them in less than a year. i need my space and i would just get sick of any partner (platonic or romantic).

also it's funny because when i was younger, i didnt like the idea of being married, even if i did have a crush on anyone. i didnt like the thought of marrying them and being with them for the rest of my life, or even doing things like kissing them or whatever else people do. there was literally one exception, just one, and i only even wanted to like, hug or hold hands.

and after a while i stopped getting crushes or the urge to get to know someone or talk to someone and i was like "why??" and then i sort of realized that the thought of me being with someone just disgusted me in a way that if something like that crosses my mind for no good reason, i visibly cringe. like no.

and as an aroace who isnt out to their family, i am genuinely scared of when and if they'll start saying things like "you'll find someone eventually" when i dont get a partner by the time im in like, college because i know my anxiety aint letting me come out before then. and like, i do not want to have deal with shit like that. it will only make me feel more pressured to come out to them as aroace, and i feel like they have acknowledged (mostly my sister) LGBTQ+ sexualities and saying that they don't really gaf who i get with or marry or something, but they havent really acknowledged the fact that, maybe i dont want to be with someone, and i genuinely feel that they will just be disappointed if decide i dont want anyone. now, i feel like that would be mostly on my mom's part because she has been with so many people and been in so many failed relationships that i feel like she'll just be disappointed that she doesnt see me in a successful relationship. i don't think my sister will really care as much, she'd just be like "hell yeah, don't need someone else to be happy ehehehe."

and like i just dont get it. i dont get why the social norm is to date or marry or even just crush on someone. i dont get the reason and i dont get how people "fall in love" or get the urge to talk to someone attractive. i dont think that aros or aces get a lot of good rep either, and i dont understand why. just because they may not be interested in anyone romantically or intimately doesnt mean they dont have feelings or cant love. i love my family (mostly😐) and my friends, just platonically.

thanks for reading my rant

[em0puppy]

i really don't normally do these things but i've been starting to feel just a teensy bit guilty about not being the sappy type lol and i got this urge at 1 am this morning while in a coffee-driven all-nighter and decided fuck it (this is a repeating factor in decisions i make. send help.)

so here's a small lil list of amazing people i'm genuinely overjoyed to be friends or even just moots with <3

yes im copying brookie bite me /silly

stuff under cut cuz this is gonna be long lol

@mischiefburns - my darling husband first of course !! <3 half joking marriage aside i'd say you're one of my closest friends - even if we've only known each other for just a few months. you're just the right amount of gentle and still know when to put your foot (er, claw-bug-thing) down, and i admire that about you. you know when to stop when boundaries are set up and to not push those, and you're not afraid to enforce your own, something i constantly fail to do (• ▽ •;) i love how open you are about yourself and how caring you care <3 ilysm !! mmmmwah :3 (im trying to get better at regretevator i promise)

@bluginkgo - first things first if you disagree with anything here i will punt you. (/silly /hj) you're so endearing, and your little emoticons never fail to make me smile. the message you sent me the other week really helped a lot, and your reaction spamming when i post art really does help with my motivation !! you're one of the most wholesome people i've ever met, and when your discord pfp changes to your sona with a bandaged leg i get worried for you. i love seeing your discussions in the nuzi server or your art popping up on my dash because HOLY SHIT YOU'RE GIFTED I TELL YOU !!!! like your nuzi fankid exploded my final 0.3 braincells i have left in the absolute best way but i'll save that speech for another time <3

@noridoorman - HIIIII MOM >:3 (i hope this tag is ok!! lmk if it's not <3) you're literally the second person i thought of when writing the idea down for this fhsfeesfigr. i love hanging out with you in VC and watching your stream or you drawing or listening to you and doomed voice ace attorney and you threatening to throw certain people (brookie and blu specifically) out windows or grab them by the scruff is literally the highlight of my day and never fails to make me laugh. you're so kind and funny and i'm sorry i can't share your love of k-pop 😔 (/silly) TRYING TO CATCH UP ON CINNAMON SCENT TOO BUT THE ADHD IS LIKE NUH UH </33

@brookiedaaroacecookie - im claiming you and miko as my siblings we can be triplets (/hj /nf) BUT SERIOUSLY THO i view you as my younger sibling and i love hanging out with you <3 you officiating mischief and mine's (GRR OFC IT WAS REAL /silly) wedding will forever be a memory i'll keep and tell to my grandkids in sixty something years or something like that idfk. i still have your little tag thing screenshotted and i'm sorry i can't tell the difference between french toast and grilled cheese </3 (/silly) also whats keats and why do you always laugh at it or was that an autocorrect thing /silly but also /gq

@spinnydraws - DFUHERFGRGIE I KNOW WE'VE ONLY BEEN MOOTS FOR LIKE. A WEEK AND A HALF OR SOMETHING IDK. BUT. HEAR ME OUT. already i view you as a friend and i'm extremely grateful to be moots with you! you're extremely funny and kind, and when you like or reblog my art i ascend to heaven. everytime i see your art i explode all over again even if i've already exploded not five minutes ago. AND WHY ARE YOU LITERALLY SO N. LITERALLY. WAHT. (/vpos) BUT LIKE. honestly you're a big comfort of mine already (i have a problem of wanting to be besties with literally every n kinnie out there. uzi kintype noises.) and i'd love to get to know you more !! <3

@nuzilicious - i refuse to give up trying to make you undislike me. until then all u get is ur awesome and im extremely thankful u havent blocked and banned me!!!!!! /silly /j

@uzibrainrot - omg what do i even say. you're so wholesome and so goofy and i loved roleplaying md with you on roblox even if it was just for a bit and if you wanna do it again sometime i'd absolutely love to!!!! i know we don't interact much but when we do it's awesome !! i promise the art trade is almost done i promise promise promise shhdshjdshfh. ALSO WHEN YOU WANNA WORK ON THAT VOLL CRACKFIC TOGETHER LMK!!! :DDD!!

i would @ andy but idk his tumblr so um. andy if you see this, you're not only one of the kindest most woke and most funny beings on this planet (i've never seen a cishet guy do a colon three it's literally so funny HELP /lhj /gen), but also a mind-blowingly awesome mc player !! :DD

ok i must disappear into the void to take care of my cramps (ew) so im gonna die now but ily all sm and hope you're all doing MORE than great !!! :DD!!!!! (/p /gen) explodes and dies in the grand canyon. or something. idk i need to stop exploding.

[mishkakagehishka]

yeah no fr you get it. i notice so many little things that just feel weird when games try to be too realistic. like modern fallout games? you immediately notice when character's mouths or animations are wonky. tbh i play far too few super-realistic-games to really point out any ones i have flaws with but like!

final fantasy! 15 is pretty realistic but still keeps that anime vibe. prompto's hair is a little silly but hey, its ff! and it fits in the world and doesn't feel off. kh? entirely silly. even in kingdom hearts 3 where there's a lot more like "high-def" textures and stuff, all the characters are so silly and anime-esque that it still just works.

hell i sometimes think ts2 has more polish and personality than ts4, and that came out in approx 2004...

idk man i love my silly anime games and my clunky/chunky/low-poly graphics. realism is fun as are pretty graphics but man. i can look past shitty graphics if the story and characters are fun and i have a reason to care. but if the graphics are slowing my device down and i can barely play? that's just a pain.

on that note why are assassin's creed games so fucking big. i had to dl over 100gb for ac: valhalla awhile ago. is this even necessary anymore...? ngl i like ac4's graphics more than the more modern games sometimes...

sorry im a little passionate abt games. oopsies. ily corks

No, but exactly, that's why i brought up ff. It has a dash of realism to it, but the charas look so stylised in the anime way despite that, that flaws don't jump out as much as they do in the RE engine, to me. I very much remember wonky hair being a thing despite the fact that i played one (1) 3D final fantasy entry, and that was years ago, but it never struck me as odd, because... it was stylised, and it could get explained as part of the style. When you aim for photorealism, even the most minor flaw registers as - a flaw, cannot be explained by saying "it's stylised".

And, yeah, real. I can't tell you for Valhalla or Odyssey - I don't own them and don't really have an urge to get them either (not in an elitist "it's not a proper ac game", but just a bit of a side-eyeing "i play ac for certain reasons, and odyssey and valhalla took a path that removed those reasons"), but from what I hear they have a fuckton of content. I think Origins also took so much to download, it was ridiculous.

(And same tho. I made tumblr bc i wanted to be insane ab elder scrolls somewhere, enstars just kinda took over. But i've always been a video game freak)

[arlecchno]

5 hours of sleep squad …. i honestly dont know how well i sleep but today i had a dream and alhaitham and kaveh were in it (i only got to chat w haitham tho) i was in this gigantic ass library type thing and it looked so cool , the entire thing was made out of dark brown wood and it was so pretty (i actually had another dream where i was in the same building before where i was running errands around the “school” HAHAH) but yeah since it was a library / school type place i was obviously there to learn shiz and — this is the weird part — the lesson was on dreams !!!!!!! and like bro ?? are my dreams becoming self aware ? 😨 i thought the lesson was interesting but alhaitham tried to gaslight me into not liking it (an exaggeration , he just thought i was lying when i said it was interesting) i think he was supposed to be like ,,, a helper to me in the dream idfk it was funky as hell - sorry for going off on a tangent about my dream LMFAO

WHSJSJ fischl is my baby shes one of the first 4*s i got and i kinda relate to her on some level , i too love playing pretend , but mostly when i was younger id pretty much spend all my recess roleplaying with my friends . trying to imitate my favorite characters is a pastime ive always enjoyed , and it honestly makes me insanely happy when people say i kinda act like my faves (ig its smth i do subconsciously LOL) because its like “WAIT . THEY THINK IM LIKE THIS INSANELY COOL CHARACTER I LOVE WITH A BURNING PASSION ???? [inaudible screaming]” recently ive found myself a new genshin rp friend and . dude . id never have thought that playing as alhaitham would be so goddamn fun . screenies for funnies:

(making cynos joke was so much fun too so i included it)

bro i lost my mf 50/50 to jeAN on haithams banner - not even a diluc , tall men hate me ig LMAO and it really doesnt help that ive been drained as hell from school lately so ive been slacking w my fricking primo farming ;_;

YESS the fungi event was lovely but tbh … the entire event i was just yelling about how i wanted to see cyno HAHAHAH - i suffer with chronic writers block (/hj) so . like . [dead alex sound]

GREAT NEWS my injury has healed hooray !!

absolutely , escaping school is great , id probably go on more field trips if it didnt mean id have to do makeup work tbh , i hate doing makeup work .

DINGDINGDING ! YOU ARE CORRECT ! the region i was going for was indeed mondstadt ! aster (my oc) lives in mond and is originally from khaenriah , im glad i didnt draw in their face yet because their eyes wouldve totally given away the fact they were khaenriahn LOL

my week was honestly pretty busy (atleast to my tiny brains standards , i feel like you could also tell by how long it took me to send another ask 😭😭) i had two tests today (that i frickin ACED HAHA im so proud of myself) one of my friends and some guy i share a bunch of classes with also gave me pieces of their cotton candy and the guy told me good job for actually doing my work LMFAO (i usually fall asleep in that class … haha ,,) and one of my other friends complained about also wanting food so i called him friendless (even though i thought the guy who gave me a piece of cotton candy didnt like me so i dont think he counts as a friend ??) my friend also recently introduced me to a series they liked and now im practically obsessed because DELICIOUS . i also recently did heizous hangout quest and GODDAMN he - he is so . im so gay for this detective motherfucker i was practically screaming at my ipad … haha …… heizou is honestly so my type he has such a way with words and i DO NOT know why a lot of npcs / characters in game talk about him negatively how do people not like him - yeah but i also almost went on a full genshin lore tangent to my ipad because of my uncontrollable urge to explain things SMH . oh my god the part where heizou said that he wanted us to be his partner all the time and i just straight up actually screamed , yes heizou ill be your partner forever if yk what i mean - HAHAHAH i also made a collection of goofy genshin triangles on one of my friends old schoolwork in math class hehe

aaaanyways id like to return your question ! how have your recent days been ? and if you dont deem anything of note or dont want to share , if you could choose anyone in genshin to share a house / be roommates with who would you choose ? (since these are again two questions , if you want , fire back two as well !) also , dude i have a terrible habit of rambling like crazy , so i totally dont mind if you ramble and stuff in replies (because i do that wayy too much as well LOL)

— jellyfish

HELLOO TO YOU!!!! your dream sounds so funny LOL in the 2 years i've played genshin i've never had any genshin characters appear in my dreams,,, it's always boring ones that revolve around my life. but nevertheless your dream made me imagine how alhaitham would act around you 😭 and the way he tried to gaslight you LMAO he's so cute and goofy

haha i love how enthusiastic you are about fischl!!! we all have that one character that we have an undying love for to the point that everyone you know in life knows them (for me that'd be kazuha,, every time someone sees him it'd just remind them of me hehe)

THE RPS LMAO “i just find you rather annoying.” THAT'S SUCH AN ALHAITHAM THING TO SAY!!! also i'm pretty oblivious so this just made me realize that the denial is a river in egypt tiktok meme is also pointing out the fact that the nile. is a river. in egypt???? i just found out it's a wordplay thing???? denial (the nile)???? damn i really thought it's like a random word being thrown to make it seem exaggerated or something 😭😭😭 i'm really dumb LMAO how did i not figure that out sooner 🙁🙁🙁 the fact that i know the nile is a river in egypt is embarrassing too like it never occurred to me to piece the puzzles together...

man that sucks 😭😭 i remember when you messaged me on genshin talking about it LOL please humbly accept my offer of my c2 diluc to you,,, he's been in my hands far too long and i cannot fathom the fact that he keeps appearing in my 50/50's (tighnari pls come home i beg). i was on a 50/50 for haitham too and the very loud sigh of relief i let out when he finally came home is insane. i've basically farmed everything in the new area (i have 99% exploration progress now due to it) and have milked my welkin for him so i'm glad he actually came home... the things i'd do if diluc appeared in screen instead should be left unsaid 🤗

YAYY GLAD TO HEAR YOU'RE WELL NOW!!!

aster is such a badass name and the fact that they're originally from khaenriah???? awesome as hell. hope they're besties with kaeya because that would be totally legen... wait for it, dary!!!! (cue my love for barney in himym i just had to quote him)

also very glad to see that your week has been going okay!!! would love some cotton candy rn tbh they're so good </3

and heizou's hangout quest.... honestly same. i haven't exactly finished all of the endings but i've done some and it made me squeal and giggle every time he flirted with us 😭 made me feel like a total loser with his charming words bro i can't believe the npcs in game have such negative views on him because me personally if i was in the game, i'd immediately fold for him the second he breathes in front of me HAHA i'm . not weird at all.

my week has been slow actually, i finished my finals a while ago so we have nothing to do now so i've been doing absolutely nothing at school LOL! senior year is coming up soon so i might be more busy and focusing more on my studies... it's sure gonna be hell for me.

and recently i've been packing up my stuff because i'm moving out!! (hence why i haven't posted a new asphodelus chapter lol i've been so busy). it's been rather slow for me tho since i have a lot of stuff and it's kinda hard to choose the ones i'd have to throw or give away because like,, i love all of my stuff 😭 my mom has helped me with some but i still got a shit ton of stuff to declutter. basically everything is a mess rn

other than that, i think everything's been a-okay! i'm just reaally busy with irl stuff now but i think i can survive through them :D (i hope i do because i am one inch away from going insane). also my mom's been trying to convince me to drive lately since i'm supposed to start now but i have been avoiding it,,, it's scary being on the road and i am far from ready to risk my life 😔

as for your question, i think out of everyone, i'd choose kazuha. before you say anything, i'm trying to not be as biased as i can since like kazuha is my favourite character ever— but yeah, i think i can accept the terms of living with the kaedehara kazuha. he's such a nice guy and although he's a very very lightweight and behind all that charming looks he's a pretty scary guy himself (cue that scene where he threatened that treasure hoarder in the archon quest that he'd brand his forehead with hot iron) i think i could actually survive living with him. he'd do his set of chores, i'd do mine, everyone gets their happy ending. if i were to live with my other favs like kuni and alhaitham i think i would just die. kuni would be rude as fuck and alhaitham would just bully his way out from doing our shared chores. i cannot deal with them. (i'm sorry my sweethearts i'll do you two justice one day)

time to give a question to you!!! how's your progress in genshin going? (it can be exploration wise, storyline, anything) and what's your current main genshin team rn :0

hope you're having a great day!!! it was fun talking with you hehe i've been dying to get an ask since the blog has been real quiet lately, and i'm glad it's you! have a wonderful day ahead :P

[sonder-moon]

thinking..

sorta rant about aroace-ness under the cut i just needed to write out

been feeling very isolated as of late on account of the aromanticism and the asexuality. when i first knew i was ace, i was never really as strict with the boundaries as i probably should have been. i was a young teenager and ive never shied away from the topic of sex. it never really bothered me and i never understood the pressure and urges people around me might be feeling. i was fine with people telling me about great romantic relationships are. but i never told anyone i was asexual because come on. who among my peers who wasnt also on tumblr would know what that meant. typical awkward ace kid stuff. the problem is by the time i started telling people i was ace, the aro hadn't set in yet. i knew one nearly 10 years before i knew the other.

skip ahead to years later when i first knew i was aro (only about a year ago). now this was crazy. i started realizing i had way more to unpack and more boundaries to set. suddenly, i felt more aware of and repulsed by the romance around me. i felt more opinionated on the topic of sex. i wanted to stop humoring peers who told me i should start dating. i felt more annoyed at the idea that people might still think i had a desire for these things. but how could i tell them that? id had feelings i thought were crushes before. i loved and still love romance in movies. ive written and read sappy fanfiction for a long time. i like the concepts of love and sex in fiction, but not reality, and it's far too difficult to explain to most people that reality and fiction paint them in different lights. i think i see the entire concepts of sexual attraction and romance in such a wildly different way than everyone else in my life, and i know i can't put it into words for anyone but myself. that's probably why im feeling so isolated. i have no one to turn to for actual understanding (other than the internet). the term "romance repulsed" sounds too harsh to say to my friends who are in happy relationships. even in fandom, to headcannon a fictional character as aroace is seen as like the worst injustice you can do to them. what with all the shock towards the idea of "No Romance" that ive internalized for so long, it's no wonder i sometimes feel less like a person and more like an emotionless robot.

i never want to date anyone. i never want to get married. i never want to have sex. i can say it to the void on tumblr all i want, but saying those things in rapid succession to an allo will make their brain short circuit, make them look at me like i have three heads, or make them immediately try to change my mind about it. why those notions are so threatening and alien to them, ill never know. i just know ill never be truly understood in real life, and i have to come to terms with that. it's just that it's so horribly lonely, and for my own sanity, i have to keep quiet about it, because if i never tell anyone about this part of me, then i guess i cant get mad when they don't know.

i do LOVE being aroace. it's freeing and fun. i just have this far-fetched and crazy wish to be accepted without people adding terms and conditions onto me. i want to hear "you're not interested in sex or romance? ever? cool, i believe you." not "i cant figure out how your mind works, so im going to tell you you should try to be less confusing for people."

anyways. im not going to stop being so confusing. but i probably wont be telling everyody i know to stop talking about romance to me either. it's just not realistic. but at least i know myself and i know i can do whatever i want forever. i just want people to be normal about aroace people.

[stabyou]

nsfw ramble

i have. so many sexual urges and desires that i have repressed so hard my entire life that i don't even know how to unpack them. a part of it is my autism, my awkward clumsiness in sexual settings something that always deterred me, but even moreso, it's my body. i was born wrong. of course this is commonly thought with trans folk i just... wow. i never realized how much i hated sex growing up not just because it being coerced upon me in most instances, but because my body felt like prey to be devoured. like something to splay open and pick out the ribs, eat and drink, break apart until there's nothing. to be a "woman" in these sexual settings with men that never desired me besides to pleasure themselves merely using me as an outlet, i learned to resent it, i learned to avoid it just like everything else. and i was so young. i lost my virginity when i was twelve years old to a twenty year old man who made me bleed. and every time i had sex after that, even with my boyfriend at the time, felt just like i was that prey. being eaten fucking alive, i always felt so vulnerable, so open, please don't touch me there, don't look at me there, that's my worst fear.

i know, too, that so much of this is shame and guilt from my trauma, but its from my self loathing, too. i feel like im too ugly and disgusting to be allowed to want sex. which feels.. stupid to write down, honestly. i know that's not how it works, but i feel so reprehensible that something good and pleasurable like sex is off limits to me, because i don't deserve to feel good. i feel guilty for liking people sexually because im ugly, because im avoidant, because that feels wrong for me specifically to do. this is so much of why i feel like i can't ever open myself up sexually.

im not asexual. i thought i was my entire teen years, but god, i was just a child with trauma.. now im the 25 year old wondering why all my sexual urges are so intense and like ive never felt them before.. and it's because i haven't. i was actually completely unable to view sex as anything besides an obligation of me when someone loved me romantically when i was younger. i viewed it as something entirely away from me, seperate and not touching me, and even when i had wants to be intimate in that way i would never ever speak on it. it just got repressed into my brain, shoved into a place, never to be found.

and i wish it could be normal with me. but sex has never been normal with me. i feel like i know absolutely nothing about that part of me, and i feel really embarrassed for that fact, especially as someone who now realizes they want sex. and it's okay to want, but it feels so wrong, feels like i can't speak about it, feels like i can't even be horny. as if im not allowed. it was easier for reserve myself and say i never wanted it, that i was ace, that i didn't get it at all..

it was easier, but not better. i want to find a way to understand that side of me, to find the things i like sexually, to not feel so anxious and guilty and shameful for merely wanting to fuck like so many other people. im terrified, i don't know how to navigate it. i guess i didn't unpack that trauma as well as i thought...

[thekaijudude]

Naga Ghidorah Zarla (after using her Alpha Call) vs 10 Godzilla Earths. Who wins?

Also, for reference, the Titan-Class Kaiju I mentioned are all basically just more powerful versions of Showa Universe Ultra Kaiju that are styled after the Monsterverse’s Titans.

Anyway, as always, I’ve sent you Naga Ghidorah Zarla’s abilities in DMs.

Oh shi, this might be out of my field of expertise cause I didnt even bother watching City on the Edge of Battle and Planet Eater and only watched the first because I rmb that I felt so scammed that there wasnt any actual MG in the 2nd movie that I just didnt care about watching the rest of the trilogy in its entirety lmao (tho I did saw the fight scenes)

Tho since u specifically brought up Mebius PB for powerscaling purposes, Id urge you to be rather careful with using him for any sort of powerscaling. Cause in the only 2 instances we saw this fusion in canon, his demonstration isnt actually representative of his actual power level as it isnt a “pure” duo fusion as its amped by also fusing with the 5 other Crew GUYS members, giving a pretty ridiculous amp.

Cause even if we assume that Alien Empera has not grown in power since 30 000 years ago when he basically one-shot both Ken and Belial (whom were both ~130 000 years old at the time) using the same calculation, and essentially lowballing Alien Empera to 130 000 yo Ken + Belial, this gives Empera’s power level to be at least 2x10^36 NG, and rmb, this is a LOWBALL.

Thus, this means that PB is amped by 1.33x10^34 times since his base is just at 150 NG. (Ye im also accouting for the Specium Redoublizer here because ive seen people still include as part of PB's "feats" even tho they shouldnt, but it still dosent matter in this case since in the final battle of Mebius, everyone was literally wanked up to kingdom come)

So, I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that you’re referring PB base, at 150 NG cause otherwise you’re essentially asking whether something can essentially beat a 34-way ultra fusion, which for all intents and purposes, unless its the Legendary Ultras/Absolutian Lord/Reiblood himself etc, I’d say that no one can at this point. 

But otherwise, I think your Ghidorah’s abilities are still far too broad and too ambiguous. Lets just run over why with Alpha Call first. When you elaborated that the “Titan-Class Kaiju I mentioned are all basically just more powerful versions of Showa Universe Ultra Kaiju”, thats a pretty broad term yo. 

Firstly, you’re gonna have to be more specific cause the kaiju powerscaling in the Showa Era is still pretty broad. Like we have your standard Tier 2 kaiju like Gomora, Red King etc, which gets one shot by choju in Ace, which in turn, also gets one shot by kaiju shown in literally episode 1 of Taro. So where exactly are you referring to in the Showa Era kaiju scale?

And secondly, how much stronger compared to the actual Showa kaiju? Cause this would help to scale Godzilla Earth.

Since iirc, Godzilla Earth back in 2030 (when hes still around 50m), was already doing a Final Wars with the present earthian kaiju, which puts him at a reasonable choju level. But him awakening and causing kaiju on the same continent (sorta) to flee is also reminiscent to beings like Maga Tano-Orochi, Greeza etc but in their case, it was apparently a worldwide event. So, by that logic, would Godzilla Earth (50m) threat level is somewhere between a choju (Tier 2-3) to essentially a Tier 4 kaiju, which is still a pretty broad estimate, so I’m gonna try and narrow it further. 

As in the same comparison, you could argue that Earth (50m) was more of a threat than Ultroid Zero because the 5 standard kaiju that showed up still had the balls to try and destroy it before it inevitably became Destrudos. But idk how comfortable I’d feel if I try to classify Earth (50m) higher than a D4 Ray user that literally is able to rip apart a local AOE fabric of space-time, the damage of which would essentially spread. But the Zestium Ray from DRC was able to repair the damage (cant compare the D4 Ray launched by Destudos cause we wont have a fair comparison since DRC didnt do the same with him). So, can we somewhat narrow the estimate to from Tier 2 kaiju to a Super form of a NGH?

But then again, now that I think about it, Ultroid Zero was basically doing the same as Earth (50m) as even without using the D4 Ray, he was literally hunting down 7 standard kaiju which was gonna be used as components for Destrudos.

So at the end of all that, I’d say Earth (50m) would be around a choju level kaiju alr. Going from this base level, a single Godzilla Earth (300m) would easily obliterate standard Tier 2 kaiju.

Tho, if I were to assume that the summoned kaiju would be all be choju level (since you say they’re stronger), you’re essentially asking whether 10 Godzilla Earths (300m) can take on 70 chojus at once. Which tbh shouldnt even be a difficult fight even for a 1v70 imo due to the sheer potency of his physical capabilities alone (Tail Shockwaves that we saw cut through even solid rock formations), not to mention his EM shield + “Burning state” which is literally planet buster. 

So in the end, the summoned 70 kaiju wouldnt even really make a difference in the grand scheme of things

(Also note that when im referring to choju level, im specifically talking about their physical characteristics like power output, strength and durability, not their hax like most of them have like time travelling, light speed based attacks etc)

But the above note is brings up another point of contention due to the ambiguity for Zarla because of your unclarified “stronger than Showa Era kaiju” powerscaling. Because if Zarla can outright mimic the choju or other kaiju’s hax abilities like time travelling etc, then its sort of already an easy win for her?

And I suppose that naturally also brings up the question of which kaijus specifically are gonna show up? It ranges anywhere from Tier 1 kaiju like simply giant animals all the way to kaijus beyond even chojus which a HUGE assortment of abilities, hax or otherwise.

Because there’s so many issues and ambiguity for Alpha Call, its more possible to examine just Zarla (without Alpha Call) against 10 Godzilla Earths.

Which tbh, seems like an overkill.

Because assuming Zarla dosent have an anchor (essentially plot armor) like the one we saw in the movie, didnt Void Ghidorah got clowned on severely? Like iirc a single tail swipe was already able to decapitate one of his heads, and Earth was able to rip off another using his bare hands. And I dont think even a standard Mebium Knight Shoot can compare to a planet buster Red Spiral Atomic Breath.

Tbh 1v1 might already be overkill since the Ghidorah was only ever a threat because he had the anchor? And since you didnt specify it being present with Zarla, nor any other durability changes compared to Void, wouldnt the battle end up pretty much the same???

But if we recall that her version of gravity beams are approximately around Mebium Knight Shoot, then it becomes sorta more competitive.

Recall that 1 NG is enough to completely one shot a Tier 2 fresh kaiju. And iirc, Earth’s EM shield and his base durability dosent really scale with his other prowess (Like Earth was severely wounded by the onslaught from MG city as well as being pierced by harpoons), so he’s essentially glass cannon in base. So I think its perfectly reasonable to assume that his durability isnt gonna stand against a gravity beam that is 150x stronger than an NGH’s finisher. Not to mention from 3 heads.

Unless he goes burning from the get go. But I dont believe we have seen the limits of his durability in this state. But considering that Void was also essentially a glass cannon without the anchor, its essentially down to the cliche glass cannon vs glass cannon battle result

It all falls back to who fires the first shot. Thats for 1v1 Zarla vs Earth (base)

And as said for burning state, while I can definitely agree that his durability has increased, we just dont know by how much exactly. And Zarla having up to a 150x multiplier is far too big of a margin to give the benefit of the doubt to Burning Earth’s durability being able to take the hit. So imo, its still the same glass cannon vs glass cannon matchup with the same result

Thanks for the question!

[goldenempyrean]

Please do one where Nat comes home from a mission and she hides an injury from you and she ends up being really sick! Or vice versa with the reader :)

Hiding The Truth

Hi there so this is my first longer-ish fic in ages so please lmk what you think. There may be a slight break in writing for afew days, some personal stuff has come up and I dont wanna put that energy in writing my writing :)

Summary: Nat was meant to be home hours ago, and you’re starting to wonder where she is.

Wordcount: 1208

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You knew something wasn’t quite right…

The feeling had started when Nat hadn’t called ahead. You got a memo from Jarvis to say that her mission had been successful and that she would be home shortly. Now normally Natasha texted you well before you ever received the memos but hey, maybe she just forgot.

You resisted the urge to text her, instead opting to fit in the common room to read a book whilst you waited for her to return. The minutes ticked by and those minutes eventually turned into hours. A growing feeling of concern was only increasing as the lack of Natasha’s presence sank in.

You hadn’t even felt yourself fall asleep in that small armchair. But your eyes fluttered awake afew hours later as noises clattered from the kitchen. Looking up you could see Clint rummaging around in the numerous cupboards.

“Hey.” You yawned, slowly making your way towards him. Now noticing that the bright sky outside had turned a deep navy blue.

“Oh, didn’t see you there.” He shot you a smile but groaned as he closed the final cupboard, “Have you seen the NyQuil anywhere?”

“I think Wanda and Pepper had the last of it last week.” You replied as your curiosity grew, “How come you need some anyway?”

Clint gave you a confused look, almost as if he had missed something in conversation, “For Nat?”

Huh? Since when had Nat arrived back? You looked down at your phone, no new alerts. Why hadn’t she told you?

“Nat’s back?” You asked, unable to hide your surprise, “Where is she?”

“She arrived back about an hour ago, I think shes still in the training room, didn’t she tell you?” Clint said, pouring himself a coffee. You gave him a shook your head before, thanking him and leaving the room in the direction of the training room.

As you approached the gym, you could hear the echo of punches from within. Soon followed by a deep series of damp coughs.

You didn’t know what to feel when you entered the room. You saw Natasha but it was obvious something was off. She looked tired, her strong punches were replaced by sloppy inaccurate hits at the dummy. She hadn’t even noticed your arrival, only turning around after you had cleared your throat loudly to announce yourself.

“Oh Natty.” You gave a sympathetic look as she slowly and wordlessly shuffled towards you, falling into your open arms, “When did you get back?”

“About an hour ago.” Her voice was raspier then usual, Nat sniffled wetly and she pulled herself out of your hold. It was then that you noticed that small goosebumps running down her bare arms, presumably from the AC which kept a cool stream of air flowing through the gym.

“How come you didn’t tell me?” You let the question slip from your mouth as she jumped onto the treadmill, cranking the speed up to a jog.

Natasha stayed silent for a moment before offering a quiet, “Im sorry, I just forgot.” Her voice trailed off into a deep chesty cough, the sound of which made you cringe. It was a wet sickly sound, and your mind filled with worry.

“Oh.” Was all you were able to forget, feeling slightly hurt that she had ‘forgotten’ you however yours feelings were replaces with pangs of worry as Nat’s breath wheezed into another deep cough as her jogging speed increased.

“‘Tasha, you feeling alright?” You asked, trying to look her over.

Nat looked her shoulder for a moment before turning back to her workout, “Y/N. I am fine.” Her voice broke out towards the end as her breath gave a sharp hitch.

You didn’t even get the chance to speak again before Natasha doubled over, “Hh’itshhiew! Hh..Hutshiew!” The sneezes made her lose her balance causing her to stumble backwards, her body slipping and hitting the floor with a painful sounding bang.

“Nat!” You exclaimed, instantly at her side, “Are you alright?” You asked frantically as you held out your arm to help her stand.

“Im fine.” She mumbled but accepted your help, “I just need to finish this work- Hh’etshiew!” Her sentence was interrupted as she sneezed into her hand, grimacing as she dared to look down at her palm

“You don’t sound very fine.” You raised an eyebrow at her, before slipping your palm across her alarmingly warm forehead, “Shit Nat-“

“Don’t.” She interrupted, giving you a guilty look knowing she’d been caught out.

“You should’ve told me Natasha.” Your voice was stern but concern seeped into your words.

To your surprise, Natasha came to lay her head on your chest as she shuffled into you, scrubbing st her runny nose with her wrist.

“Do I need to haul your ass to bed or are you going to come willingly?” You added, wrapping an arm around her waist as you guided her towards the exit.

You walked in silence until you got into the elevator it was only after the doors closed she let herself go slack against you. You couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her, judging from how sick she seemed, it was clear she must’ve been feeling awful for afew days at the very least.

Nat mumbled something against you, before giving a noise which could only be described as ‘the call of a miserably sick person”.

“Do you mind repeating that?.” You purred, keeping your voice low to not further aggravate her obvious headache.

“Did Clint ever find that Nyquil?” She sniffled as the elevator dinged, letting you both out into the hallway only stopping to muffle more painful sounding coughs into her elbow.

You sighed, knowing the answer to her question from your earlier encounter, “Im sorry baby, theres none left. Theres been a bug going around, it’s probably where you picked this up from.” You kissed her warm forehead and held the door to your bedroom open for her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She sniffled, taking off her jacket and throwing it against her desk.

You were expecting an apology but you would be lying if you said that you didn’t feel somewhat better for it.

“Its okay, lets just get you into bed.”

Nat groaned, allowing herself to flop onto the bed, quickly burrowing herself within the blankets. You couldn’t help but found her antics adorable, smiling as you saw, her peek her red nose poking above the blanket. But concern was ever present especially as her features changed and she ducked a sneeze into the covers.

“Bless ya!” You cooed as you went to hand her the box of tissues only stopping when you realised that the box was empty, “Aw honey, you look miserable, how would you feel about me quickly running out to pick you up some medicine and some tissues. And then if you’re still awake, we can cuddle until you fall asleep, does that sound okay to you baby?”

Natasha sniffled and gave you a grateful smile, her eyes full of fever and gratitude, “I think that would be wonderful.”

[pianostarinwonderland]

Why you dislike MalleYuu? Im just curious but I respect your opinion if you dont want to.

No worries! Honestly, this is kind of a vent so I’m putting this underneath a cut and not putting this into the main tag, so please feel free to scroll past if you don’t want to see me complaining.

Firstly, I dislike Malleyuu because of how fans always come proclaiming that One scene between them means endgame romance. I get that it can be in a joking manner, but also, since it’s the internet, it’s hard to tell. And it gets really tiring to see it over and over and over. 🤡

It’s also really funny because you have Ace going “hehe would you like sleeping in our room :)” but none of you are gonna go awooga over that? 😭 but then Yuu invites Malleus to VDC because hey why not, invite a friend right? And then everyone goes “AAAAAA ENDGAME SHIPPPPP”.

Now while that’s one main reason why I dislike the ship, it’s not The main reason.

My biggest peeve about the ship is that it feels invalidating to everyone else. So you’re all going to say all the Yuus that people made to ship with Malleus are the only ones good enough for validation? You’re just going to brush off every other sona shipped with other characters out there but hype up sonas with Malleus? The Malleyuu week that happened at one point in the year? In unfiltered words, it hurt. A lot. You guys will only celebrate Malleus stans? Really now?

As a blogger who really loves to talk about Octavinelle (especially Azul), it’s honestly demotivating when my inbox is always filled with Malleus and not Octavinelle and when my Malleus posts have much more clout than other posts that I put more time and energy on.

Character-wise, Malleus just doesn’t interest me. I’m not into the lonely boy trope. In fact, his grandma’s more interesting to me 😂 I can’t really think of any interesting theories for him aside from any UM possibilities, but even then, ehh? Him being so overpowered also doesn’t help. So when people keep sending me asks about him, I find myself feeling so tired that I either write a half-hearted response or delete altogether. And I really only write a response because I don’t want to be unfair to everyone 😭 but of course, I have my own limits too.

And when Malleus posts get so much more clout? Please, one of my top posts is just an anon submission about Malleus’ eyes and that got more popular than character posts I made? So what does this say? That people will ignore the posts I put my heart and soul into just because it’s not him? That I have to force myself to write about someone that I’m not interested in at all just for people to look at my blog and want more from me? That I won’t be as loved in the community as Malleus stans? Is that it? I have a number of long posts in my drafts, and each time, it gets unmotivating to do them because what if it’s going to be brushed aside after all that I’ve done?

It hurts, honestly. Even if I try not to show it, it hurts.

While irl will always be the first and foremost reason why I sometimes won’t be seen posting or reblogging, seeing Malleus getting the clout is also a reason why I lose the energy to even post something. Sometimes, I’d get the urge to just put up a second post asking you all to stop talking about Malleus for the time being because I’m tired of talking about him. But I try not to because I don’t want to be unfair again about who to talk about.

It also reaches the point that when people lovemail about him or him and Yuu, I get irritated or uncomfortable. I can ignore it in a server (and heck I’ll be likely to bulli), but when it’s lovemail in DMs, that’s when I feel blegh about it. And I can’t just ask people to not lovemail about him 🥲 because that’s just being mean, right?

So yeah anyway :’) congrats I guess if you read thisbto the end.

[cognitosclowns]

I love that alpha beta makes mechanical sounds? When he's running up the stairs away from Brett and Reagan we can hear his legs making that whining noise its so good. Not a request I just LOVE THOSE DETAILS

AAAA GOD I FEEL THE EXACT SAME. GRRKGKRKR YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY BRAIN IM SORRY <333

ALL SFW

LISTEN I <3333 AM A MESS FOR ROBOTS SO YOU'RE GETTING A BUNCH OF Extra Headcanons About AB's Robot Noises

LIKE /HE/ DOESN'T NOTICE THEM BUT YOU DEFINITELY DO??

it does take a while to figure out what each sound correlates to though. Like at first you just notice Oh His Eyes Make Noise Sometimes. Sometimes His Chest Makes A Weird Noise. It's only after a few months that you,,, actually notice Oh Shit Theres A Pattern Here-

HIS FANS ARE PROBABLY THE HARDEST TO NAIL???

Because like,, their purpose is to Cool His Insides, etc etc, but there's A LOT OF REASONS HE COULD BE OVERHEATING.

though there is definitely a difference to the noise when they start up bc of temperature?? Much more monotonous!!

If he's angry its this,, vv deep whirring sound?? Like this Heavy Droning Noise that goes between Very Subtle and Overbearing.

IF HE'S FLUSTERED ITS WAY SHARPER N HIGH-PITCHED?? Not painful to listen to, just noticably higher!!

Sometimes its hard to point out bc,, it'll click on for a few seconds, then off again!! (might jump up if he stumbled over his words, tripped over smth, etc. He's very prideful so little things like that make him FLUSTERED sdmnsd)

BUT IF HE'S PROPERLY RUFFLED???? <3333 he sounds like an AC unit I stg smndsmd.

HIS FANS GOING BATSHIT IS AS CLOSE AS HE CAN GET TO BLUSHING <333 DO WITH THAT WHAT YOU WILL

Whirring of eyes = staring very intensely, that's kinda obvious - he will sometimes get his eyes stuck bc Hes ~Dramatic~ and rolls them too hard smdnsmdnd.

WHEN HE'S WORRIED?? you'll hear smth akin to like the tic-tic-tic of a clock?? Whenever he's nervous he subconsciously starts doing diagnostics on his own systems!!

When he clenched his jaw theres,, an audible Whirring of Some Mechanism Being Strained. 99% of the time it's bc he's resisting the urge to smack smb.

GOD there's even just,, mundane stuff?? Like hearing the slight whirr of his fingers when he cups his cheek or plays with your hair?? <333

AT FIRST HE DOESN'T REALIZE WHY YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHATS ON HIS MIND?? Hes A Perfect Creation, Hes Completely Unreadable How The Fuck Are You Doing This. It would be frustrating if it wasn't

'Oh love </3 I just have a cold!! You don't need to be worried <3'

'how did you-?'

'Your fans are ticking <3 we've been dating for 3 years, you really think I can't tell when you're upset? <3'

AND,,, <333 GOD DOESN'T HIS MOTOR JUST START WHIRRING LIKE ITS ABOUT TO POP OUTTA HIS CHEST BC <333 >:( you're being loving and attentive and paying attention to the intricacies of how he works. Goddamit he's hopelessly endeared once again >:(( you bastard <3

ALSO MISC STUFF???

<33 pressing your head to his chest sounds like,, pressing your ear to your laptop/computer. Just that,, vvv quiet humming??

If he was at Full Functioning Capacity there'd be a lot less of those little details but he's currently been torn in half so YEA SMNDSM THE SOUNDS OF HIS MACHINERY WORKING ARE A LOT MORE NOTICABLE?? after he gets put back together it stops sounding like a Jet Engine Landing whenever he notices you smdnsSDMSNDM

Okay I can't tell if they put the Slightest Bit Of Autotune Over Every Line He Says, or if Chris Diamantopoulos' voice is just,, super gravelly but <333 YEA. no related thoughts here I'm just.. wowowow his voice. Gee golly <3

okay maybe a few thoughts <33

CAUSE,,, YKNOW, THE CLASSIC THING OF His Voice Glitches When He Shows Extreme Emotion (tm) IS ALWAYS FUN <333

like sometimes when he calls you My Love/My Darling Human/etc you'll hear his voice skip a few times bc <333 he's so in love <3

RRRR SOMETIMES WHEN HE LAUGHS IT SKIPS LIKE A VINYL RECORD. only when he's laughing really hard <333 so it's pretty rare to hear. It can be unnerving to some ppl bc,, it gets this Layered Effect but <333 you love it

gay gay homosexual gay <3 MSDNSMD THANK YOU FOR THIS IT WAS LOVELY

[kaashiboo]

haikyuu boys reacting to you talking to an attractive guy part. 1

┇ akaashi and shirabu

→ fluff

【warnings: swearing】

gn! reader

✎ a/n: i got a bit carried away with shirabu's AAAAHHH. it makes me sad because im a huge shirabu simp but im content deprived so pls expect me to write more about shirabu for an unhealthy amount of times!<3

part 2 - coming soon (ft. tendou and iwaizumi)

akaashi

"y/n." he said, almost as if he was whispering but he didn't want to bother you as you seem interested in the conversation that you were having with your male classmate.

"darling." he tried once again, tugging on the hem of his your jacket. fortunately, you turned to him this time.

"i thought we were going to the newly opened coffee shop." he reminded you.

"oh yeah! okay, wait a sec." you smiled at him and returned your attention back to your classmate.

'ouch' he thought.

the seconds you promised turned into another ten minutes and so he was just standing there behind you awkwardly. he wasn't even paying attention to the conversation, he was just busy watching as your eye lit up in excitement. the way you would make weird gestures with your hands to furthermore elaborate your story. he noticed as well how attentive you look as the boy speaks, you leaning in to hear him better. heck, you didn't even bother to cover your mouth as you laugh— not that he hated it but you were never like that to him.

he blinks, starting to feel uneasy and having the urge to pull you out of the scene but he knows very well that you're not his property and that he has no right to tell you who and who not to talk to. as long as you're safe then he's fine with it.

he tries reassuring himself that your classmate was nothing more than just a friend but his insecurities were starting to slowly get into his head. he looks down to his feet, brows furrowed as an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts.

"keiji?" you spoke softly, placing your hand on his shoulder. he looked up, staring right behind you but your classmate was no longer there.

'how long was i spacing out?'

"are you okay?" you asked. taking out your handkerchief from your pocket to wipe the beads of sweat that were on his forehead.

"do you feel sick? we could always go to the shop next time."

"i'm fine." he curtly replied. he panicked as soon as he realized how rude his response was but he immediately relaxed when he saw you smiling gently at him.

"if you say so." you reached for his hand, and intertwined your fingers together as he lets you lead the way.

the short walk from your school to the cafe was quiet— quieter than usual. you told him to find a seat and offered to order for the both of you.

he wanted to protest and tell you that he could have paid for it but he chose not to. he really did want to talk but the unsettling feeling hasn't disappeared yet which made him want to not say anything at all.

you quickly found akaashi and sat across him. his hands were clasped together, resting on the table and so you placed your hands on top of his. giving it a light squeeze.

"you've been awfully quiet. do you want to talk about it?" he contemplated on whether he should tell you about his weird feelings or not but he decided that it would be better if he opened up.

"earlier," he paused, not really knowing how he should start it. if you weren't close to him then you probably wouldn't have heard that he spoke. you decided to let your hands on the table instead of his hands.

"when you were with your classmate, i was glad to see how happy you looked as you talked to him but it felt weird, i don't know why but the way you acted around him was completely different compared to when you're with me... " his voice shrunk.

"i apologize for thinking like this, y/n. i know it's completely immature of me. let's just— forget about it." he slightly frowned, grabbing his own drink and took a sip from it.

"were you perhaps... jealous, my love?" you chuckled and he playfully rolled his eyes at you.

"it's nothing, darling." he denies.

"it's clearly something, keiji. and besides, what you felt— or i assume, what you're currently feeling, is valid. i should be the one apologizing, okay? i'm glad you opened up to me." you reach for your drink next to his but akaashi was quick enough to get a hold of your wrists with his one hand effortlessly while the other grabbed your drink , the straw near your mouth. you looked at him in confusion.

"just drink it. i don't want to let go." he lets out a slight scoff, staring away from your teasing looks. you obliged before he changes his mind and take away your drink.

he still hasn't let go and you chuckled at how stubborn he was. he knew he could have let you use your other to hand to grab your drink but oh well.

"but seriously, keiji. you probably weren't listening but we were talking about something else." he doesn't know how your statement was supposed to make him feel better but he nodded, urging you to continue.

"i'm not gonna tell you to stop being jealous because i think that's easier said than done but i just want to assure you. we were talking about how his date went because he has a crush on my best friend and they finally went out. he doesn't like me and i don't like him in that way either." you explained calmly.

"and i'm sorry for making you think that i'm not comfortable around you. i think you took it the other way around though. just because you see me more hyper when i'm with others, doesn't mean i don't feel at ease when i'm with you. you make me feel safe and normal." you sheepishly confessed.

"oh." he mumbled.

"'oh'? that's all you're gonna say?" you joked, your gaze diverting on the table where he was still busy playing with your hands.

"sorry for jumping into conclusions."

"it's alright. i love you, remember that."

"i love you more, y/n."

shirabu

"goshiki. have you seen y/n?" shirabu asked as soon as he approached goshiki's table.

"huh? why are you asking me that? aren't we from different classes and year?" he tilted his head, confused with shirabu's visible frown.

"yea— i know that, shut up. you know what— never mind." he groaned and left.

break time is almost over and you still haven't shown up. shirabu may never admit but he truly is worried about you.

he stormed to the classroom of your previous class, silently opening the door, and peeked inside. only to see you sitting on your chair with your male classmate standing in front of your desk, a hand resting on the table to support his upper body as he leans down to meet your face.

he scoffs loudly, your head immediately turning to his direction, and leaned away from the boy.

"this is a school. not a motel." shirabu snarled.

"why are you here?" you raised a brow at him while your male classmate stood up straight, fixing his uniform along.

"i— i wanted to check something here but i was not expecting two irresponsible students deciding to flirt in a classroom. have you ever heard of good manners?" he crossed his arms on his chest. watching as you harshly shove your belongings into your bag before making your way to where he was.

you stood in front of him. having to look up a bit to match his piercing gaze, "you're smart but you're bad at making assumptions." you placed your hand on his chest and pushed him to the side to make way for yourself.

"where do you think you're going?" he shouted, trailing behind you as you try your best to get past the crowd.

"i don't know what the hell is your problem with me, shirabu. would you please mind your own business? what are you? my significant other? asshole." you rolled your eyes and continued your journey to wherever your feet decide to lead you as long as he would not be near you.

you looked over your shoulders. seeing that he already stopped following you. you were supposed to feel glad about it but you felt otherwise.

-

it has been exactly four days. four days without your usual bickerings with shirabu. the whole volleyball team was surprised. it's not like you stopped visiting them to watch their practice, but your interactions with the setter have drastically decreased. no one dared to ask about it and they all act like nothing is happening but the tension still somehow got in the way as you converse with the others. the pair of eyes carefully watching your every move and it took you all the energy to not look back.

'seriously? who does he think he is? it's so annoying. how dare he jump to conclusions. and besides, even if he was right, why does it matter to him so much.' you tried to convince yourself but it wasn't enough to overpower how you actually felt about the whole ignoring situation. you did try to approach him the other day but backed out.

semi noticed that you were spacing out the whole time as he was talking about something. not even the blow of the whistle was enough for you to snap back to reality and so he just patted your back before running back to the court to continue the practice.

you sighed to yourself and felt your phone buzz, receiving a text from haru.

haru: hey y/n! i'm in the library right now. i'll be waiting.

you wanted to bid your goodbye to them but they were too engrossed with practice so you decided to just leave without uttering a single word.

"shirabu! where are you going?" tendou watched as his teammate's figure disappeared from his sight.

"ah, young love." he clicked his tongue in amusement.

"hi haru!" you greeted and he offered a smile before he put his index finger to his mouth, a friendly reminder that you two are in the library. you whispered an apology before sitting beside him.

"so, how'd you do in the exam?" he starts.

"i don't think i'm very satisfied with it but i got a 90% so i guess it's not that bad." you talked as you took out your own textbooks and placed the test results on the table for him to see.

he gasps jokingly, "i beg to disagree that it's not a good grade. i literally got an 88%" he playfully punched your shoulders and proceeded to tell you how proud he was that you managed to ace the exam with his help.

"i hope you don't mind if we settle here instead? i didn't really want to bother my roommate and i think most classrooms are occupied right now." he looks at you apologetically.

"don't sweat about it." you reassured, placing your hand over his that was on the table but you immediately retracted your hand when you heard someone cough.

"what do you want?" you tried to sound tough but you were intimidated by his dark gaze even though he didn't mean to scare YOU off.

"let's talk." he looks straight into your eyes.

"no."

"oh? i wasn't asking. i was demanding." he then grabbed all your belongings, carefully but hurriedly putting them inside your bag and zipping it close, and slung it on his shoulder.

"shira—"

"kenjirō." he cut you off and impatiently grabbed your wrist, not forgetting to give haru one last glare before dragging you along to wherever he planned on taking you.

his pace was fast and you tried your best to keep up with him, being careful in order to not trip.

he abruptly stopped on his tracks which took you by surprise and almost hit your face on his back. he gently pushed you inside the volleyball team's clubroom and you finally gave in and decided to let him.

none of you spoke as you got inside. you leaned on the wall just beside the door. staring intently at your bag that he placed on the floor. having no intentions of making eye contact with him.

however, you didn't expect it when he suddenly stepped closer and nuzzled his face into your neck. "k-kenjirō?" you stammer, reluctantly hugging him and rubbing circles on his back for comfort.

"is there something wrong?" you whispered and he finally pulled away from the hug.

"sorry."

"kenji—"

"shut up," wow okay.

"i'm sorry for... being mean— not that it's something new but i didn't realize how bad it was to accuse you of something that you may or may not do... but that's not the point. i know you're bad at flirti—"

"kenjirō, are you apologizing or insulting me?" you let out a laugh. oh how he missed hearing that.

"right. anyway, i'm sorry i made you upset to the point that you had to avoid me," he was about to continue but you interrupted him.

"avoid you— what?! i thought YOU were avoiding me so i didn't want to bother you!" you exclaimed and the two of you stared at each other in confusion.

"so you weren't mad at me?" he narrowed his eyes at you, a hint of doubt laced within his voice.

"no? i mean, i was pretty upset that you thought i had the time to flirt with someone but it wasn't a big deal and my anger only lasted for an hour." you tried to elaborate.

"but why didn't you approach me the day after? heck, you didn't even spare a glance at me during practice!"

"because i thought you were mad at me!" you exasperated, massaging your temples at the same time.

"god, y/n. so you're telling me i avoided you for nothing?" you hesitantly nodded at him, mind still filled with questions.

"why were you so affected by it anyway," you mumbled.

"excuse me?" he raised a brow, sounding as offended as ever.

"imagine seeing the person you like to be with another attractive guy and be PHYSICALLY close with him. how would you feel then?" you were taken aback by his sudden confession but you decided to play along with his i'm-still-in-denial-game.

"well, i don't know about that because the person i like is constantly surrounded by handsome guys on the volleyball team but i was never jealous."

"so you like someone from the team," he humorlessly chuckled. "this is pointless." he stated.

you groaned at how slow he was, "you're so stupid. it's you who i like, kenjirō! oh my god i can't believe you're this dumb." he stared at you in disbelief, using his index finger to point at himself, "me?"

"no. the fucking wall, kenjirō. i like the wall!" you shut your eyes closed, trying not to get your annoyance into your head.

"then who were you wi—"

"a friend, shirabu kenjirō. haru is a friend who offered to tutor me for the whole week since exams are coming." you reassure.

"but why him? do i look like someone who won't tutor you?"

"yes..." your voice trailed off and he stood there, dumbfounded with how straightforward you were.

"but if you just admit that you were jealous then maybe i'd approach you instead." you joked.

"i wasn't jealous but you're changing your tutor whether you like it or not. now, come on and let's tell him so i could finally go back to practice." he picked up your bag and tossed it to you.

"you're not gonna ask me out first?" you teased before placing your hand at the doorknob.

"well then, go out with me."

"i said ask, not demand." you rolled your eyes.

"as if you'd have a choice anyway."

[tobi-momo]

Your Cupid

a/n: hihihihihidihgl;df im finally posting again!! so sorry to take so long! also- im so so so sorry if this is bad i really wanted to post so i kninda rushed the end, and ik its long im so sorry😭 also i hope you find out soon in the fic and interpret yourself but just to let you know the title is referring to Oikawa, not Iwa.

Pairing(s): Iwaizumi Hajime x reader | Oikawa x reader (PLATONIC)

Genre: Slowburn!!! Romance, Fluff, Angst, Comfort

Warnings: Cursing, i think that's it?

Word Count: 4k

Synopsis: Being childhood best friends with Oikawa meant you weren't going to hear the end of it when it came to volleyball, when you finally agreed to become the Seijoh manager, he suddenly started to regret introducing you to his other best friend, Iwaizumi.

It wasn’t your choice, being here. You were forced to come, Tooru practically dragging you to the gym while you whine and complain, his cocky smile and fake charm trying it’s best to convince you to stop resisting. You barely know a thing about volleyball, even though always going to Tooru’s games and helping him practice when you were little, you never really caught the whole jist of the sport. He vowed to help you, to always be there when you have questions about it.

So with an elongated sigh, and a pinch to the bridge of your nose, you agree. You would become the manager of the Seijoh Volleyball Club.

~.~.~.~

The first practice you had attended consisted of balls flying, smacking aggressively on the ground; your eyes not being able to keep up with them, instead finding entertainment in the players instead. Tooru had introduced you to them, each of them holding their hand out for you to grab and shake gently before letting go and subtly wiping your hands on your uniform. He had mentioned another best friend, one that he had been trying so hard to get you to meet, wanting to complete his holy trinity. When you refused to go anywhere he would moan in defeat, collapsing on your bed while fake pouting and turning around to pretend that “y/n doesn’t love me anymore”. You would always just hit him with a pillow after that, resulting in an all out war. You had assumed the other guy refused as well, as Tooru never mentioned if his poor friend desired to meet you.

You guessed even after the ace met you for the first time the desire still never came up, his nonchalant nod and monotone greeting of his name showing proof of that, even before he turned around to walk away without a care in the world. He never took your hand, he never even looked at you; must have been too busy, throwing the ball in the air before running and leaping upwards, smacking the ball on the other side of the court, a loud grunt bleeding through his throat when he misses his target, running to and under the net to receive the ball. You watched him, pupils stuck on the way his body moved so flawlessly through the air, the way his rough, calloused hand hits the ball, making it mold around his palm and forcing it through the air without resistance, the loud slap that echoed throughout the gym when the ball made contact with the polished floors, the annoyed glare he made when the ball didn’t go where it was supposed to.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

“Y/nnnnnnn,” Tooru mewled, his fingers waving in front of your face, his fingers snapping together to grab your attention. His head turns, eyes widening dramatically when he finds what you were so distracted by.

Only regret ran through his mind at that moment.

~.~.~.~

You had attended most of Tooru’s games, but you had never really paid attention, as your eyes kept drifting towards the scoreboard and the clock, impatiently waiting for the final whistle to be blown. This game however, was different. Your attention was nailed to this game, your hair pulled back and your hands gripping the rotation sheet ever so tightly, your breath coming in hitches when the score rises, the atmosphere becoming so much more intense than you remember.

Awe was painted all over your face as you gaze at your best friend setting the ball so beautifully among the court, it flying towards the wing spiker just in time for him to strike it down on the other side of the net, gusts of wind following after- the hair of the libero on the other team fluffing up as they stare at the number four player. You watch him smirk in victory and his hands balling up in congratulating fists. The rest of his teammates whooped and cheered, patting him harshly on the back, a shared smile between him and Tooru before their knuckles joined in a tiny bump before returning to their sides.

Then, his eyes went to yours. The sweat dripping down his heated face and his heaving chest disappeared after you caught a glimpse of his green iris’. They were piercing; cutting into your brain and engraving themselves in your memory. How were you ever going to get them out of your mind?

You didn’t notice him walking towards you, his arms slightly swaying back and forth as he walked, his quiet footsteps picking up speed only a tad towards you. Then, as your mouth opens in an attempt to speak, the light of his green eyes floods your pupils when the words catch in your throat. “I- you were-”

“Y/n-chan! How’d you think of the game? Being so up close and personal like that has to make a difference from the stands, right?” Tooru’s voice bleeds straight into your hearing, interrupting your stutter. This was one thing you’d have to thank him for later.

~.~.~.~

“Wait, I’m confused, what’s that for?” You point to an arrow on your clipboard, looking up in confusion towards anyone who would listen. The captain was busy announcing whatever he wanted to the team, making them groan in annoyance and roll their eyes, Tooru only continuing with his story.

“What’s what for?” You heard from beside you, the low grumble of his voice seeping into your ears, making you jump backwards. The palms of his hands move to grip your arms firmly so as to not let you lose balance, his rough fingers wrapping around the flesh of your arm to pull you back up. He only stares, more of a glare, if you were being honest. He looked madly confused, or it may have been his resting bitch face, you don’t know. It wasn’t until you were back on your feet when you decided to speak up again, subtly avoiding eye contact by letting your eyes zip from random item to item, finding purchase on the metal clip of the plastic board you were holding.

“Uhm, I’m just confused about what play this is,” you say, your finger pointing towards the specific circle and arrow you were questioning. His head tilts downward, his eyebrows furrowing as he narrows in towards your problem, a hand on his chin.

“That’s a back row attack.”

“A what?” You question, looking up towards him for an explanation, only finding his eyes still stuck on the paper.

“A back row attack. It’s when a hitter from the back row jumps up towards the ten-foot line and hits the ball on the other side,” he abbreviates, a little hand gesture making its way through the air.

“Oh, really? How would that work? Why wouldn’t the setter just toss the ball to a front row player?” Volleyball gets more confusing everytime you think about it. He glimpsed up at you, took a short breath, then shifted his feet, like he was getting ready for a long conversation; you just stood there, waiting for him to explain a little bit more before taking a quick look around the gym, the cart of balls standing out to your line of vision. You hold a smirk, his head following your movements as you turn around to set the clipboard on the bench and walk towards the cart full of balls, picking one up and bouncing it on the floor.

A single eyebrow raises, but he still follows you to the court. “So, if I were to toss...to,” you put a finger on your chin, pondering, “back there,” you point to middle-back, taking a step towards the spot, “where would I be over here?”

He understood immediately, nodding his head as his legs made their way to you, scaling the court with narrow eyes once he halts beside you. “Well, depending on the play and the rotation, you could be anywhere on the court, so you could toss to them from pretty much any position.” His explanation sounded brief, vague. It was just enough for you to get the idea, though.

“Uh, go stand over there,” he urges, pointing to the middle back position. “Do you know how to hit a ball?” You look at him incredulously, feeling a little embarrassed to say you barely know how to do your approach.

“Not...really?” You compromise, shrugging as you backpedal to the back row position.

“Here,” he jogs up to you, handing you the ball, “take this and go to where I was just now.” You comply, heading over to that position, shifting the ball between your hands. “Give me one.”

“What?” You question him as he pulls his ankle back up towards his back, stretching his quad.

“Toss me one and watch me.” Oh.

You do as told, under-handingly tossing the ball up towards the ten foot line, studying his footwork. His form was perfect, you thought, his right foot leading his approach until he jumps into the air, practically flying flawlessly as his arm comes up behind him at a perfect angle to shoot the ball straight down one of the back corners.

The setter on the other side of the court could see the sparkle in your eyes, the glistening of awe in your face as you admire his best friend. He had a feeling you would like him once you met him, but not like this. The idea of you two suddenly being fond of each other ate away at him, like he was about to lose someone. Maybe two.

~.~.~.~

Away games were the worst. You hated sharing a small bus with smelly boys who don’t know a thing called “boundaries”. They hover over you, their arms flailing and their mouths running. You were annoyed, to say the least, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes at the boy's antics, crossing your arms to separate yourself from them. You didn’t even get the chance to sit next to Tooru, who got stuck on the inside of Kindaichi, messing around with Matsukawa and Makki.

You were uncoincidentally stuck with the captain’s best friend, Iwaizumi. You didn’t mind him of course, as he would put Tooru’s ego in place and tell everyone to shut up before you explode on them. You didn’t know if he noticed your irritation, your bugged eyes staring out the window, your head leaning against the glass. His head was also turned your way, you guessed to doze off to the moving trees outside, but you didn’t notice the way his eyes focused on your hair, subconsciously trying to count the strands while you look away, your eyelids drooping downwards ever so often.

Your dreary state was interrupted by a plastic water bottle being caught in the air, your nose coming face to face with a hand- the hand of the man sitting next to you, you infer.

“Guys, what the hell did I just say? Stop throwing shit around!” He yells towards his teammates, their playful demeanor turning pensive, their heads rotating away guiltily.

“Thanks,” you mutter, the words barely leaving your throat when he pulls away.

“No problem,” he dismisses, forcing himself to not glance up at you when he shoves the bottle in Makki’s hands.

“Hey- what the hell?” Makki whines.

“It’s yours, dumbass, take it.”

~.~.~.~

The red marker covering the white page gawked at you, showing you how you weren’t good enough for anything better. You couldn’t look at it any longer, the bottom lip of your frown quivering before you bring the inside of your elbow up to your mouth, muffling your sniffles and absorbing the steamy tears that scurry down your raw cheeks. You were better than this, what the hell is wrong with you?

Hiding in the storage closet wasn’t a good idea, The initial plan was clever, sneaking in there to calm yourself down before practice, needing to keep an optimistic mindset. That plan was ruined as soon as you broke down though, slow, and quiet but clear footsteps closing in on the door, like they were leaning their ear in to listen. Your mind hadn’t kept up with the time, as you hiccupped and sobbed even after the door was opened and light shined through the dark.

“Y/n?” You whipped your head away, refusing to look at them as you deal with your mortification. They scoot in, shutting the door until only a little line of light cracked through. “Y/n, what happened?” They sat next to you, closely you may add, dipping their head down to try and see your face. You avoid them, trying your hardest not to cry in front of them. “Don’t turn away from me, look at me,” they hush, placing their fingertips on your forearms, gently pulling them towards their direction, your head hanging down as your arms are removed from your mouth. “Look at me.”

You sniffle with exhaustion as you drag your head up, finally letting them inspect your glassy eyes, tears continuing to run down without fail. They had felt the hot liquid stream down their thumb as they wiped it away from your face, caressing your cheek as you fret.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You shake your head.

“Do you want my help?”

You nod. And you don’t move away when you find the vice captain’s hand reaching behind your head to cradle it as you whimper in his shoulder.

~.~.~.~

Study sessions with Iwaizumi became a regular thing. Whether it was him coming to your house and staying for dinner, or it was you falling asleep on his desk, you two never stopped doing it. Even after your grades went back up, the red marker leaving your memory almost completely when you get your new tests back. He gave you a look of approval, nodding his head a single time to show his acknowledgement. He wasn’t surprised when you came up to him and tugged him into a tight embrace, his large hands coming to hold your figure like second nature. He was used to this, your excited hugs and your bursts of energy and your lack of an attention span and your bright and sunny nature. It was funny to him how much other people burn you out, like a dying fire that needs more gasoline.

The second your body hit his, a breath slipped out, creating a little chuckle that filled your ears, the cozy warmth of his chest slightly leaning into you.

“Finally! I finally did it. Proud ‘a me?” You smirk at him, feeling a little full of yourself at the moment.

“Sure, sure, yeah,” he replies, slowly shoving your body off his, your feet stumbling as you let go of him, struggling to find balance. The hands wrapped around your arms keep you firmly planted on the ground, gently letting go the moment you stop moving around. They dive straight into his pockets, his head lifting to see your cheery expression. “You did good.”

You only smile in response, opening your mouth before a hand was planted on your shoulder.

“Y/n-chan! How’d you do? I heard trusty Iwa-chan helped you study!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grumbles.

“I did really well, thanks to trusty Iwa-chan,” you emphasize, a glare shooting your way once the sound of your voice finds Iwaizumi’s ears. He didn’t like that. Tooru giggled, his hand half-covering his mouth to ‘try’ and stifle his laugh.

“Well, I did amazing too, in case you guys wanted to know.” A cocky grin made its way through Tooru’s face.

“We didn’t.”

“That’s awesome, Tooru!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m amazing.”

“Shut up, Crappykawa,” you and Iwa both chant in unison.

“Aw, c’mon, you guys!”

~.~.~.~

“I have to admit something, Y/n,” Tooru blurts in your room while he sits on your bed, his head hanging low while his fingers trace the thread patterns of your blanket. You spin your chair to face him, the atmosphere brought down when you see his quiet expression. Oikawa Tooru was never quiet.

“I thought letting you two meet was a good idea, I wanted us to be the power trio,” he strained a chuckle. “I just didn’t know that you two would become more than friends.” Your eyes expand, your breath immediately slowed and your movements coming to a full stop.

‘What do you mean by that, Tooru?”

“You know what I mean,” he waves you off dismissively. “I see the way you look at him, Y/n. I see the way he looks at you. I’m like the biggest third wheel in the world.”

You were confused, shocked. Was what was coming out of his mouth true? Did you really have different feelings about him than anyone else? Did he have them for you?

“I was mad, at first.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Like, really mad. I didn’t want you guys to have all that lovey-dovey stuff together when I’m right here, you know,” he gestures to himself; your head tilts in understanding, nodding. “I guess you could say I was jealous. It just irked me that you two never wanted to meet and then when you do you immediately fall head over heels for each other, completely ignoring the fact that I was the one to bring you two together.” He didn’t feel left out, like he did before, though. He had watched you two for a while, realizing that you two need him just as much as he needs you and you two need each other. He felt as if this was really who he belonged with. You guys.

You just stared at him, the cogs in your brain trying their best to process his words, your fingers coming together into a fidget. Your wide eyes landed on his, and although his pupils were nailed to the bed, you could see the sadness that didn’t belong. His eyebrows were furrowed in a way that made him look like he was worried, regretful, yet his lips stayed thinned together as his hair dangled in front of him. You could tell he was trying really hard to say this. Even if it was The Oikawa Tooru, he wasn’t invincible.

You try to recall all the times you’ve met with Iwaizumi, all the conversations you had, all the tiny contact you made when your fingers had mistaken each other’s arm or fingers for the textbook, all the times he caught your lingering gaze, but refused to let it go, the times he caught up with you after practice, slightly jogging towards you and stopping once he reaches the same spot as you- you naturally having to speed up every once in a while as his legs were much longer than yours.

“You’re right,” you mumble, your words coming out slow and smooth, your eyes focusing back on him from the blurry space you just dropped yourself in. His eyes have a double-take on your face, moving back and forth from the blanket to your face of realization. “I do like him more than a friend. And it’s because of you.” His back stretches upwards, sitting up straight. “So, thank you, Tooru.” It was now his turn to be utterly stunned- thank...you? “I’m glad you convinced me to join the volleyball club, to meet Iwaizumi, to allow us to have these experiences together, thank you.”

What could he say? “Your welcome”? It seemed unfit for the situation, he figured. So instead of plastering on a confident smirk and showing his “Great King”, he exhales deeply, looking straight into the holes in your eyes. “Just don’t break his heart, yeah?”

You nod in assurance, returning a determined eye. “I can do that.”

~.~.~.~

The next few weeks passed slowly, like the clock gave an extra two minutes with every second that went by. You had barely seen him, as he walked away from you every time he noticed your presence. He refused to look at you, the back of his head being the only thing to face you during practice. Why was he avoiding you?

“Iwa.” He doesn’t look up at you from putting a ball back in the cart, shutting his eyes before turning around. He stops when your hand grasps his arm, pulling him into a stop. He tugs his arm back, your grip hardening on his flesh, your sharp glare not letting him leave. “Iwaizumi.”

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose while screwing his eyes shut. “What.”

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You bring your hand up in the air with question.

“Why have I been what?”

“You heard me. Now answer me.” Your tone was strict, firm. It annoyed the hell out of him that it made him want to confess.

“I haven’t been doing shit. Stop following me like a lost puppy,” he growls, side eyeing you.

“Excuse me?” Your head bucks back, surprised. With one last tug, his arm is out of your reach as he walks away with his dark demeanor.

Then, he was gone.

~.~.~.~

You had spent a couple days thinking about it. How the conversations were so short, how he just completely dismissed you. Tooru watched you two go back and forth between bickering, you usually being the one to start the conversation before he tells you to fuck off. He was curious as well. You mean, that’s what you assumed from the conversation they were having in the gym before practice, ceasing your stroll when you hear their voices echo throughout the room, your body hiding behind the door so they wouldn’t notice.

“Iwa-chan, we talked about this, she just wants to be your friend, stop being so mean to her!”

“Whatever.”

“Iwaizumi, I’m serious. Stop being so cold to her,” the captain’s voice changes, his playful attitude gone in a swift motion, replaced with a scowl when Iwaizumi’s wide eyes find him. “What did she do to make you like this, huh? Such a meanie, Iwa-chan.”

“I’m not,” the number four defends, looking Oikawa up and down before taking a step back.

“Oh, I think you are,” he taunts, “you too were getting along so beautifully, it looked like. What happened? Scared?” He smirks.

“Of what?” Iwa’s eyes twitched, his face flushed.

“Of her not liking you back.”

The ace stammers, his mouth not knowing what words to spit out as he looks his best friend in the face.

He was serious, wasn’t he.

Iwa stood there, gaping at Oikawa’s satisfied expression while stumbling on his words, trying to find the best one to respond with. But he couldn’t. There was nothing he could say at this moment that would change the way Oikawa thinks, because Iwa knows he’s right. He knows.

~.~.~.~

You were frozen in place, your heart seemed to stop working, you couldn’t tell. Your nerves had stuttered a couple times- you weren’t sure you were even alive at this point. The hand that placed itself on your mouth had fallen to your side, leaving your silent gasps less silent now. Thankfully, they hadn’t heard you, but once you rushed inside with purpose and resolution, the gym door slamming shut, their heads had whipped your way.

“You’re telling me you liked me this whole time?!” You shout to him, walking closer and closer until you arrive right in front of him. His eyes stayed glued to you, confusion stirring back and forth throughout his whole system. He was scared. “Is that why you’ve been a dick to me?”

“I didn’t-”

“Now, now, Iwa-chan, let her talk.”

“Tooru,” you lour, “stop talking.”

“I’ve liked you since I saw that jump serve you did at my first practice, and you’re telling me that you like me too? Even though you’ve been avoiding me and pushing me away and telling me to leave you alone and-”

“You what?”

“What? I like you? Yes! I do! Now can you finally stop acting like an asshole?”

Silence.

“Uh…”

“He means yes, Y/n,” Tooru cuts in while patting the vice captain on the shoulder, laughing it off.

You take a deep breath, running a hand through your hair as you sigh. “Okay,” you exhale, “well, then...are we? Do you-”

“Mhm! He would love to,” Oikawa answers again.

You look at Tooru once more, biting your lip to hide your smile before nodding once towards him.

Thank you, Tooru.

im so sorry for this mess oh my god

general taglist: @combat-wombatus @toosharkinternet @alpha3113 @flattykawadoorusmilkbread @solar3lunar @hitosushi @zerohawks @katsuhera @awmahleebkg @thisnoodlewritesao3 @realcube @f0leysgurl

haikyuu taglist: @pies-writes-and-more @luvrboykento

REQUESTS: OPEN

[mskimkaty]

I AM THAT GIRL

angst, slight fluff, smut

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, MENTAL ILLNESS, SUICIDE, SELFHARM, DRAMA, SMUT, VANILA SMUT, SWEARING, KIM JENNIE IS A BITCH HERE AND SO OTHER MENTION REAL LIFE PEOPLE BUT ITS PURELY FICTIONAL.

synopsis:Johnny Suh, the most popular boy in college, tried to take his life? what could possibly go wrong with his wealthy background, popularity, and basically having everything in the palm of his hands?

expected word count: 12,692

release date: 01/18/21 (somehow, got deleted. so Im reposting)

details: college!au, strangers to friends to lovers!au.

JohnnySuh x reader.

Johnny Suh walked the hallways in his college ground and not one passerby gives him the freedom to do his business. Students give him a look of pity, as acquaintances try to give him fake words of comfort that disgustingly crawls at the back of his skin.

They were just into the gossip, but they never really care. It was obvious from how they whisper behind his back for looking out of place and out of character, he could see their mocking gazes every time he walks past them.

he pulled his hood up and covered his old blonde hair now dyed into jet black, the usual smile plastered on his lips was now in a tight line and was placed the usually friendly demeanor with a scowl on his face.

people are staring, not in a good way, but because he looks ridiculous in their minds.

"Youngho, if you need anything, I'd gladly do it for you." Johnny heard his Korean name roll of someone's lips and now he feels disgusted with himself for the 9th time that day, he was back to zero and the acid rushes past his throat and he might vomit with the anxiety building up in the pit of his stomach upon hearing his birth name. He halts his movements and turns around to face Kim Jennie.

How does she have the nerve to say that when she cheated on him with Jongin? He treated him like a brother. Her hands travel on his biceps, the usual warmth he felt in the past now buried at the back of his memories, and now, he's just disgusted with her. He ignored her and continued walking past her, Jennie's peers were instantly beside her to console her with words of comfort because her ex-lover practically brushes her off like she was nothing.

You didn't expect a drama unfolding in front of you while standing in your locker area, Christmas break was finally over, and now students are back putting their noses in other people's business. Especially, Johnny Suh's business.

You shrugged your shoulders and walks back to your class, this is definitely a way to start your first day at this University.

Johnny sat at the far back of the room, sporting unusual dark clothing rather than the usual light colors of his wardrobe, the professor walks in, shaking his head upon seeing him at the back completely not understanding how Johnny's mind works.

Johnny knows, just by the look his professor is giving at him, he knew and have seen that twice already — he couldn't control the urge to stand up harshly making the chair he was using falls down to the ground as he walks to the door not bothering to look back, stunning everybody in the room.

When Johnny came back to school after his attempt, he felt more pulled down in the darkest pit inside him, he was unhappy more than he did when he was attempting. The funny part? when people knew about his attempt, people started flocking around him as they cared, but it was obvious. They just wanted to be with him because of his surname and money.

Even Jennie did not differ from the other students trying to impress him. The sad part about it is that he genuinely liked her, but she was just up for it because of the money and fame, and maybe the good fuck. His friends were no different, people might think that he's happy being the captain of the football team, but his life was toxic with every moment. He was in more pain than ever, his friends who were his teammates low-key discarded him thinking he's a freak saying he needed to seek attention.

Johnny knew that they weren't practically saying that to his face, but they were showing it.

They weren't wrong, he knew that, but it was different. They were all trying to impress him, worshiping the ground he walks on and now he's on the rocky side of the road, they drop him? because their parents told them to?

Johnny empties his locker, blindly shoving everything in his duffle bag when his best friend, Kim Jongin, walks inside. He hardly shoved everything inside his bag and harshly closed his locker's door, scowling at the older boy.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" he heard him. "This isn't you at all, why are you suddenly changing? Johnny, I already said I'm sorry." that's the ugly fact. People around him are blind enough not to notice the slight changes in him and the little signs that he wasn't mentally stable.

"This isn't an apology. You're asking me to suck it up. It's Different."

Lunch came and Johnny has nowhere to go, not with all the pity looks the student body is giving him, he had a take-out for his meal and had his lunch alone in an empty room. deciding he has no appetite to eat something, he walked out of the building and drove out to Nakamoto Yuta's basement. He's supposed to be dead two weeks before this day, but here he was, seeking for Yuta's dirty business.

"Johnny Suh." Nakamoto Yuta was known for his dirty business around campus, selling overpriced illegal transactions under the table, tattoos, and piercing. "Stop talking like I'm some god. No god would try to kill himself."

"figures."

"I don't understand, how are you still in the university and not behind bars?" Johnny asks after taking a long drag on his blunt.

"This is the only way to have food on the table, and I need to graduate. I rather do these than sell my body."

Sadly enough when Johnny checked his phone, no calls or messages from his parents. As cliche as it sounds, he wants his father to check on him but after seeing him in his room bathed in his blood on the ground, his father drifted more away from him.

When he got home that night, his family was having dinner without him, his younger sister, Yerim, ran up to him and hugged him. "Oppa, where have you been? I've been calling you." his sister was the only purest being for him, and he distances himself around her, he doesn't want him to expose her to things that only he knew.

"Yerim, go to your room." the impersonal voice of their father surrounds the dining area and Yerim flinch. looking up to his eyes before walking away.

Kim Ji hoon walks up to him and looks at him with disdain. "Stop being a disgrace, If you can't act like your invisible. I don't need a disgrace in this house." It wasn't new to Johnny anymore.

His father may not be vocal about it in the past but he knew that his father doesn't want him to breathe the same air he does, if God may allow it, he knows that his father wanted him dead, he wanted his father to acknowledged him, and he did everything, that was when Johnny was kissing up to his reputation of being the good son, ace-ing all his grades, being the captain of the football team, doing unnecessary extracurricular activities for extra points, being the good boyfriend, good friend, good son, and a good brother, but it was all too much for him, he felt that he was borrowing someone's life to the point that he doesn't recognize him anymore.

His father hated him so much that he didn't even give him his last name, and the ugly part about it is that Johnny understood his father because he was the reason his mother died. "You can't even do one thing properly, and now everyone living in this town knows about you killing yourself."

"Are you saying that I didn't properly kill myself?" he wanted to vomit. He chuckled as he ran his hands down his locks. "Go fuck yourself," he murmured and walk down to the guest room where he was temporarily sleeping, his step-mother hasn't asked the helpers to clean his room's carpet that is still bathed in his blood, he looked at his wrist that is covered in a bandage, the ugly reminder that he was unhappy and that there is no saving from this anymore. Finding the reason to wake up was hard enough and going to school was another thing, but he did anyway.

People still gossip behind his back, ugly as it sounds, people are disgustingly twisted. He smirked upon hearing he still looked hot as fuck with black hair, one student saying she would gladly do him, blonde or black.

"Jennie must have cheated knowing that he's a freak."

"hey, he might hear you, lower your voice."

"He needs to seek professional help."

"I don't understand him at all. His popular, his ex-girlfriend was fucking hot, he's rich, has great looks, and has a hella hot of a sister." something snapped inside him when he heard some asshole talked disgustingly about his sister.

Before he could even think properly, Johnny repulsively pushed the guy up to the wall. "The hell!" the stranger shouted as the other students stop to stare.

"Did you fucking talked about my sister like that?"

People are staring not because of an aggressive man pushing a full-grown body against the wall like it's nothing. it's not uncommon to see a fistfight for the entire student body to see, people are staring because, Johnny Suh, for once stunned everybody with his demeanor that is completely out of his character. Yes, he is a big guy, but he was kind, sweet, and friendly, so Johnny using force for the first time against someone was a sight to see, added to the fact that this is the first time people heard him cursing, and If eyes could kill already, the guy who talked shit about his sister is practically dead right now, he would brush it off in the past, blindly ignoring gossip about him but this is the first time that someone disrespects his sister right in front of his face and definitely, it is the first time that he gave less fuck about his reputation.

Johnny stared at the man that lacks the urge to answer him, him sending shivers down the stranger's spine. He manhandled the guy and throw him down the floor. "You had the nerve to run that filthy mouth against my sister but doesn't have the balls to answer when I'm confronting you?" he smirked and walked away.

Johnny spent the whole week going to the university but doesn't bother attending his classes, he doesn't want to be left alone at home but doesn't want to go to his classes. He just lost every motivation to do something productive.

Johnny walked his usual path these past few days, going to an empty room on the 4th floor of the Marketing's building to kill time, he gently pushed open the door and saw you changing your clothes. You were almost done, putting your white dress shirt over your shoulder without noticing that you're giving a stranger a free show.

Johnny freezes up, staring and lingering more than usual. He was mesmerized by how your skin glistens under the light slipping through the windows, but what made him stop on his track is the lack of hair you have in your body. It's just smooth skin all over your body.

When you felt someone behind you, you turn your body around to look at the intruder, you saw someone and instantly locked eyes with him. At first, you were scared of seeing Suh Johnny behind you, Johnny got a full view of your unbuttoned shirt and your chest clad in your undergarments. it's not like you saw a ghost, he didn't die per se, but then it has drawn to you, that Johnny, in the flesh, saw you changing clothes. Your reflex acts up and you turn yourself away from him, pulling your clothes to hug yourself, you fix your buttons as you run out to get out of the embarrassment.

The next day, you went to your usual spot in the library to eat your lunch when you saw somebody sitting on your chair. You shrug your shoulders and sit across the stranger who had his head tucked in his arms on the table. You were excited to eat your favorite sandwich because your mother specially made it for you, it was a rare moment given your mother raised you and your sibling alone, having to work two jobs at a time just to put food on the table and to send you to a good school. You appreciate her and love her with all your heart, she was the only one you had next to your older brother, you were good at being invisible, it was your last semester at the university. Trying to finish one subject and your practicum silently like you didn't exist at all. You laughed at the fact that you had no one in this damn hell, but you didn't care.

You started eating your sandwich in silence while opening a good book to read, you were happy in your bubble. Johnny must have heard you as you flip pages after pages. His stomach growling after registering the wonderful smell coming from his surroundings. When he lifts his head, his eyes flicked to your form, silently eating while reading a book, you were so happy in your little bubble, giggling while reading. He straightens his back and you notice the guy across you, putting a face in the stranger who sleeps across you.

A blush crept up on your face when you realize it was Johnny again, you remembered the recent events that happened between the both of you, and your embarrassed ass started coughing hard, you hold your neck rather than reaching for the bottled water in front of you as you choke none stop in front of him. He was left dumbfounded for a couple of seconds but reach for the bottle and unclasp it before handing it to you, you chugged half the contents down your throat and he watched you with fascination.

"Thank you." You said in a small voice.

You put the bottle back in its place as silence hangs in the air, it wasn't a bad kind of silence, but it was awkward. You offer him the other half of your sandwich as you watch him look at you questioningly. "Your hungry." It wasn't a question. You knew he was hungry given you kept hearing his stomach growling a while ago. "You know a little food won't hurt you right?"

Johnny laughs at your ironic statement but accepts your offer anyway, "Don't get your hopes up, I'm not up for a casual relationship." he says as you thought that he wouldn't accept your offer, given that he's rich and can buy a much better lunch than what you're currently having, but then again, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

"I was just offering you food."

"Thanks." When he finished your sandwich rather quickly, he went back to sleeping in front of you. He liked hearing the sound of you flipping pages after pages as you read your book silently in front of him and the occasional giggle you let out when read something funny. When he woke up to go home, you were gone, but you left your coat as you hung it around his shoulders to keep him warm.

When he came back the day after, in the library, you didn't come back.

The next morning, Johnny awoke earlier than usual, heading to his car without giving a glance at his family, Yerim saw him and was rather puzzled at the baby pink coat he was holding delicately in his arms. He drove fast to get to the university, walking inside the library to wait for you if ever you were going to be there again.

Lunch came, and your guess was right, you see the same blacked haired boy taking a nap in your usual spot with your coat right beside him. You sat across him again and started minding your business, but this time, you had another bag of sandwiches repaired for him. You weren't ignorant about Johnny's attempt, but you choose to respect his space, you knew that he wasn't mentally stable yet. He might look fine outside and you might not know what goes inside his head, but you knew that he isn't fine. No one's mentally stable, everybody has their hardships in their private lives going on right now, but the important thing is that people shouldn't use it against someone, and as long as they don't step on other people to feel better for themselves then it's good.

You might not understand what he's going through right now, you weren't friends, to begin with, but you feel for him. Sincerely.

Johnny felt peaceful for once after many years, it was an odd feeling, but it wasn't bad. You were browsing your phone, checking your emails and your mother's, clearing and archiving unimportant ones. You look at the time and it was already half past lunchtime. Wednesday is a pain in the ass for you, you have to wait for 5 hours until your next class in the afternoon. You didn't notice Johnny waking from his nap, seeing as you still haven't touched the sandwich bags in front of you, he's guessing you still haven't eaten.

"I'm Johnny."

You look at the man in front of you, his usual strawberry locks are now turned into black, sporting a gray hoodie over his black shirt and matching gray track pants. You study his expression, his not extending his hands for a handshake nor his face valid of any emotion, yet you smile and said "What happened to not being in a casual relationship?"

Johnny was taken back, you give him the sweetest smile you could offer and handed him the extra sandwich you had, "You know, some people would reply with their names." he said as he accepts the food that you offered, you look at him as if contemplating before speaking.

"Y/n"

"I'm not sure, but what department are you from?" he asked after taking a bite of his food. "This is good, by the way. Who made this?"

"What question do you want me to answer first?" you asked laughing. "My mom made it, and I'm from the same department as you, Though, I just transferred to this school after the Holidays,

If he was shocked he didn't show it, Johnny nods his head as if acknowledging you, "I just want time to pass by quickly and silently, that's why no one knows I exist here. I'm just trying to live another day until I graduate." You said making Johnny fall silent.

"Good for you," he replied after a good minute with the both of you munching on your foods. "Was it hard?" he asked.

"What is?"

"You don't seem to have anyone, do you even have friends?" you laughed at his statement because it was the truth. "Yeah, something like that. It wasn't that bad I might have no friends because I choose not to have any relationships with anybody in here."

"That sucks, I'm not going to ask the reason why you transferred in the middle of the semester because that's your business, not mine," he says, you study his face and you weren't sure whether to run your mouth over his business or not, deciding against it you stood up and take your things with you. "Let me show you something."

Walking down the stairs while both of you kept a little distance, you lead him to the visual room, pulling the keys in your backpack and unlocking it. "Why do you have a key to the AVR?" he asks bewildered.

"Perks of being the teacher's pet," you replied as you pulled him inside, turning the computer and projector on, you played a video about constellations and aimed the projector above.

Stars hover above the two of you and you urge him to lay down beside you, looking up and taking a moment of peace to embrace both of you.

"When things get hard and I tend to be alone; let's be honest, no one wants to feel lonely, especially at the hardest times of our lives. But then, you can't force someone to be there with you physically and emotionally and it sucks to have yourself suck it up for being alone. So, I do this, I take my time staring at these constellations. You see, they're really beautiful to me. I find them fascinating, they have this beautiful meaning behind them, it was always fun finding their patterns, connecting them until they're complete, you just have to look closely, in that way, you'll appreciate them more." you smile while pointing above you, he might not look at you but your presence beside him does him wonders, it was so powerful that even if he closes his eyes, he still feels you beside him. The warmth he was feeling coming from you, your steady breathing, and your sweet scent.

You spent your Mondays and Wednesdays with Johnny, eating lunch together, or spending time as you watch different constellations every week.

Friday morning, you made a quick detour to your department before clocking in for your practicum, before leaving the premises a professor asked you for a favor and you agreed to make a copy of the files she was asking for. When you came back from the printing room, you saw a commotion ahead. It wasn't you to pry on other people's business, but your legs must have their mind when you saw a familiar tall build that is clad in a black hoodie.

Johnny Suh stands in the middle with Kim Jongin and Kim Jennie on the other side. He was hyperventilating.

"Just leave, please." Kim Jongin shouted at him, you can see the obvious horror written on everyone's faces. Kim Jennie was stuck beside Jongin as she shed tears silently, disbelief written in Johnny's face.

"Do you know what went wrong? it's because you were never enough." Jennie drops the bomb for everyone to hear, Johnny was livid. If he could crush everything that he could see he would take the chance and do it. If he could take his life again, he wouldn't give a single fuck and he'll gladly do it.

"I can't believe you both. I wasn't the one who cheated with my best friend, why the fuck do you act like it's my fault?" you heard Johnny said and for the first time your heart broke for him.

You found him in your usual spot in the library, his head hanging low and his body shaking as he tries to catch his breath. You drop your coat over his head and give him the bottle of water you were holding, instead of sitting across him, you sat next to him without overstepping and respecting his space to cool down.

When he started to calm down, he handed your coat back to you, stood up, and left the library. Saying you were dumbfounded was an understatement but you choose to understand him.

Days passed by and Johnny was still a no show. When a week has already passed without seeing Johnny, you started to get worried. You wished you asked for his number, but then again, you weren't even that close, to begin with. You decide to spend your long-vacant in the visual room, playing random constellations as you think about a certain boy.

When that certain boy suddenly appeared right in front of you. "I'm sorry." He had his hands inside his grey sweatpants.

"What matters is that you came."

Johnny joined you on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, after a moment of silence, he spoke up. "Why did you help me? why do you even care about me at all? I'm a mess."

"Aren't we friends?" You asked even though it was clear that he turned your offer of friendship down a while ago.

"What you said about the constellations earlier made me realize how I took myself for granted and at the same time how ungrateful I am."

You look at him and give him the chance to speak up. "I didn't have the will to live, do you know that you are annoyingly optimistic about everything?" He jokingly asked, and you laughed with him.

"Is that a compliment or what?"

"I still don't have a reason to be here." He suddenly says. Johnny looks at your face as if reading you, he was prepared to see you pitying him but there was none.

"You don't have to look for it. You have yourself because, at the end of the day, you only got your own back," you turn to him as you give him a look. Johnny envied you, it was obvious, and you can read him like an open book. "Don't, don't look at me like that, Johnny Suh." the way his name rolled down your tongue felt flawless, as if you were born to say his name out loud.

"We all have our shortcomings, I'm not perfect nor are people around me, no one is, and we have to accept that fact, give less care about people who can't accept that."

"It's not as easy as it seems," Johnny says, your hand brushing back the stray hair that falls on his forehead as if your hand has a mind of its own. "Sorry-"

"It's fine. I like it." Both of you turn towards the ceiling as you continue to watch the stars, keeping the comfortable silence and just hang around each other.

For weeks, spending time in the library and the visual room to watch the stars has been your thing with Johnny Suh, you couldn't even imagine being friends with the likes of him, you view him as a constellation star, he's mysterious behind his disguise as he tends to fool everyone with, he was hard to reach and was always up above you, he brightens the surroundings like how the stars brighten the night sky, for you, he was more than the famous campus boy that everybody likes, even if he can't realize that.

Weeks passed by and you look forward to your Mondays and Wednesdays than the fact that you are graduating.

You were busy transferring your books to your backpack as you stand in front of your locker when Johnny came to you. "I didn't know we have the same classes."

You were stunned when you saw him talking to you in the open, students started looking in your way as if seeing a history. The most known guy in the University is with a nobody, but you shrugged it anyway as you closed your locker's door. You bite back at your tongue with all the attention you were getting, anxiety creeping out to you but you choose to ignore it.

"You weren't even attending your classes," you told him as you fix your backpack, the both of you started walking, keeping the same slow pace and taking your time.

"Well, I now have a reason, at least," he says as he grabs the strap of your bag and slings it in his shoulder. You ignore the bubbly feeling inside you and continued walking. Smiling at yourself as you forget about the stares around you.

"You're so cheesy, Suh Johnny." You giggled at him and for the first time, you saw a genuine smile creeping on his face.

When Lunch came, both of you sat outside to enjoy the sunny weather. "I'm going to start my Practicum next week," Johnny told you suddenly, and you stood up so fast to walk around the table to hug him.

"I'm so glad!" the sincere happiness is written on your face that even Johnny laughs with you.

"Thanks to you, I feel like, there's more to it than ending my life at the age of 21," he says and you shake your head at him.

"No, I didn't do anything. It's mostly you. I'm just here beside you to guide you, but it's your own will."

"I'll be honest with you, hurting myself still runs on my head but the difference this time is, I'm scared to do it." you didn't know what to reply to that so you just extend your hands towards his and hold it firmly in your grasp.

The rest of your day went ahead without you noticing, time flies by rather quickly when you are with Johnny. You stood waiting for your bus to arrive when a black Audi stops in front of you. Its windows rolling down and you see Johnny peeking through the window to smile at you.

"You want to wait for your bus or be logical and save time?" you laugh at his way of asking you for a ride but walk towards the passenger to join him in his car otherwise. The car ride was rather chaotic, you were debating about what to put first, milk or cereal, and you felt the horrors when Johnny says he puts milk in first. He was laughing like a child at how horrified you look.

"Anything's fine with me. I put whatever in first," he says after a long minute of arguing.

"I'm telling you, not to live like that!" you argue back. "Cereal comes first and then milk goes in, just imagine, do you pour the soap first before the water? it's water before the soap!" you explained and he laughs at how rilled up you get.

The argument was cut off when you arrived at your house. Johnny parked his car in front of your house and for some reason, your mother came in wearing an apron over her clothes. She raises an eyebrow at the unknown car blocking her driveway and you look at Johnny who looks back at you.

"Your mother is intimidating." He says.

"Want to come over for dinner?" you ask, and It took him a second before responding, " You think that's a good idea?"

"Come on, Mr. Suh, grow some balls, it's just my mom." Johnny looks offended at your statement.

"I have balls that girls flock around with," he retorted. You sigh and open the passenger seat greeting your mom with a smile as you ran to hug her.

"Can my friend stay for dinner?" you asked after hugging her. Johnny is behind you as he introduced himself as your friend and your mother shocked him by giving him a warm hug.

"There's still room for another boy in my house, I believe, it's no problem." Your mother stated as Johnny gives you a confused glance. Your mother invited him in and you welcomed him.

Inside, your older brother, Taeil is strumming his guitar with three other guys in the living room. "Oh, This is my Brother, Taeil." you casually said at him as you hung both of your jackets.

"You didn't tell me you have a brother." He whispered at you, standing awkwardly beside you. Taeil waved at him and you push him to sit beside Jaehyun.

"This is Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Ten. They're all bandmates during high school so they're always here for my brother," you explained. "And your mother's cooking." Ten added.

"Well, now you know," You said as you turn to him. "Let me just go to my room and freshen up real quick, just make yourself feel at home," you say as you back up on your track. "Cool."

Johnny didn't feel out of place for some reason, he was really happy that he got to meet your brother and his bandmates, they were cool to be around. They entertained him and ask what were his hobbies are and for the first time, he took his time to think about what he likes to do. He likes to draw.

When dinner was served, all the boys helped your mother to set up the table, Johnny was persistent in helping even after telling him to sit and wait because he was a guest. You let him help otherwise.

Dinner was well spent, he enjoyed talking with everyone and your mother even asks him to visit anytime he wants. Taeil takes a liking to him, asking him to hang out whenever he's free. Johnny presented to do the dishes and you helped him when he was done his shirt was a total mess because of the water splashing through the faucet, a good thing is that your brother has some clothes that are way oversized for him, and he lets Johnny use them.

You handed him the shirt, accidentally seeing a huge bruise on his chest and stomach, before you knew it, you stop him as he was about to put his shirt on. "What happened?"

His bruises must have slipped his mind and he mentally cursed himself at it. You were horrified. "Johnny, are you getting beat up?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he pulled his shirt down "Y/n, It's getting late. I should head home now. Thank you for dinner, I enjoyed it." and before you know it, Suh Johnny was gone.

Weeks passed by and Johnny was a complete no show. Faint rays of the sun trickled down through your curtains and fell on your room's marbled floor, you look up at your window and were blinded by the light, sitting up, you let your feet hovered on your marbled floors and mentally prepare yourself for the day.

In the office, your instructor asked you to copy some files and you gladly agreed to do it as you don't have much going on for the time being. You thought that it was hard doing your practicum, but all you did at the office was run errands evolving the x-ray machine. Your mind drifted back to Johnny, you'll have to talk to him. Being worried about him is already killing you and the last time you saw him was three weeks ago.

Wednesday came and you sat at your usual spot in the library, studying for the upcoming exams as you patiently wait for the tall black-haired guy. You forced yourself to do some actual studying but for some reason, all you can think about was Suh Johnny who didn't even show up.

The week passed by in a blur and on Thursday you went to your University to take the exam, you were scheduled for the second batch, and instead of your usual schedule of Wednesday, your professor divided your class into two batches.

You weren't even aware that your exams already finished as you were walking to your locker to put away some books.

You understood that Johnny had issues and you hated that you can't do anything to help him. You would do anything for him if that means for the comfort inside him and his peace of mind. You might not know the reason for his depression but everyone has a reason and you know that everybody around you has some issues going on in their private lives. You look around, seeing other students do their thing, minding their own business, some are even bored and waiting for their exams, You saw Jennie and Jongin together looking at you with disgusted faces that you shrugged off.

Johnny saw you as you mindlessly walk your way to the visual room, and he followed behind you silently, as he looks over his ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend. He realized he never really had a connection with Jennie before, they were both just into the sex, and then it gets awkward when they started to talk.

You were already done setting the projector up, walking in the center to lay down when you heard someone entered, and when you saw Johnny at the entrance of the room, his hands on his sweatpants pocket as he gives you a look, you stood up and ran to give him a big hug. You shed tears for him, as you give him a tight hug.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"Aren't we friends?" You asked him as you hold him in your arms. "Friends share their pains. So, I'll be here. I just want you to know that I'll be here when you needed someone to be there with you." Johnny fought his tears but who was he kidding? He yearns for someone's affection and not because of who he was but because it was him. And this time, he finally had someone to share his pains with. People already viewed him as someone going on a phase, probably someone rebelling against his parents but Johnny was more than that. He didn't care about it, though. He learned to give less fuck about insignificant people around him.

"My father used to beat me up, Football was just an excuse to cover up these bruises." He admitted. He was disgusted and embarrassed about it. But it was you, and he knows that you're not one to judge someone based off on their appearances.

You shed more tears for him. "Johnny, You don't deserve that, no one deserves that," you say caressing his cheeks. You hated the cheesy statement but you ignore it anyway, what you were feeling at the moment isn't important. Johnny was opening up to you.

The two of you manage to have time off from the university and Practicum. (Johnny started his practicum last, last week, that's why he was MIA most of the time, that time.) Johnny was hanging out at your house, the problem was, your mother and brother are both at work, so you take it to yourself that being alone with him, at your house, is inappropriate. You drag him outside, leading the way to one of your favorite diners.

"I am telling you, you're going to regret that," you said.

"What's wrong with what I ordered?" Johnny did this little thing in his nose, and you take a moment to look at him as you smile at him. You ignore the stares around you, feeling like a sore thumb sticking and obviously, out of place. Johnny scowl at the man who was drunk out of his wits, shamelessly checking you out. This wasn't the first time, this always happened, but not to you though. You told him to ignore it, that man was probably in here to order a cup of coffee.

"Their chicken and waffles here are the best! I'm telling you, I'm not going to share with you."

One pout of his lips towards you and you were switching your plates towards Johnny. You told him, only because this was the first time that he got to try out your favorite dish, and there won't be a second chance in the future. Johnny was kind enough to share a piece of waffle with you. But not the chicken, though. He fell head over heels for it.

Bit by bit, Johnny's walls crumbled down around you, and before you knew it, both of you are inseparable. Johnny dating you spread like wildfire around campus, but there wasn't any truth behind that gossip, you were just a friend. Simple as that.

He was hanging more lately with your brother than you expected. Both of them have the same interest, so it wasn't a surprise when Johnny befriended most of your brother's friends.

Johnny was going on about how Jaehyun's a chill guy, Mark, and Donghyuck introducing him to play games, even Yuta, the University's drug dealer, as they brand him, was included in Taeil's group of friends.

"You didn't tell me that you knew Nakamoto Yuta," Johnny whispered behind you.

"Yeah, For some reason, I didn't want to get involved with most of them. Some girls are crazy about them and I just want peacefulness as I end my college years." You answered. Yuta was from the same department, Jaehyun was from the same university but was taking a different course, as well as Doyounga and Taeyong. Mark and Haechan still need a year before attending college. Ten was studying arts and your brother was a college dropout.

You were having pizza night at your house, your mother was kind enough to accommodate a bunch of men in her tiny house, seemingly impossible to fit 13 men inside, but it did. Instead of the usual party that frat houses and rich kids throw around, Taeil and the others like to keep it to themselves. Sharing one shot glass and downing a cheap rum as everybody waits for their turn. Most of them didn't think that Johnny would be fine with this kind of setup. Besides, he was branded as the campus king and a rich heir at that. He could spend Friday nights at some high-end bar and drink expensive alcohol. But no, instead, here he was, sitting on the cheap carpet your mother owns with a bunch of drunk men but you were glad that your brother is such a nice guy and so are his peers.

Johnny was glad, that he found true people, who accepts him for who he is and not because of who he was.

Doyoung placed you on the empty sofa, you have a low tolerance for alcohol, and you can't keep up with them anymore. The cheapest drink Taeyong bought isn't of cheap quality, you knew better than to judge a bottle chosen by him. You watch them with heavy eyelids, smiling at yourself, Mark and Donghyuck made fun of you by putting thick blankets around you and this was the first time Johnny saw you annoyed by the younger boys.

When Morning came, you were already on your bed as your head pounds. When you came downstairs to leave for school you look around and saw that last night's trace was gone as if 13 grown men didn't make a mess out of your mother's living room.

You wished you had gotten a coffee first when you entered your room way too early and saw that most of the students are yet to arrive, even water would be good, anything liquid down your throat would be good.

You saw Jaehyun and Johnny bidding farewells at the front of the room, students who were present to see the two interacting were shocked, for them, It was rare to see Johnny without his usual crew. But, who are they to decide that for Johnny? It was a rare sight to see, A popular music major and the famous ex-football captain, together?

When Johnny approached his spot beside you, he gives you the cold Iced latte he was holding fresh from Starbucks, completely ignoring unwanted stares behind his back.

"Good Morning," there was a warm aura surrounding him as he settled down beside you, and you look at him in awe. "What?" he asks.

You watched him for a moment, smiling at him as he looks at you questionably. "You're happy," you stated making Johnny pause for a second to think, he was sporting a baby pink hoodie and grey Nike pants, holding his Earpods and Macbook at the other hand. "I think I might be getting there."

Your heart swells up for him and as you fought back the tears that wanted to fall. Johnny reached out to you, wiping the strands of hair that keep falling on your face. "Sorry," you said. People might think that yesterday, Johnny was trying to end his life, and then suddenly, he was okay, because he never was, and you continuously walk on a thin thread around him, Johnny is like a ticking bomb and porcelain that needs to be handled with the utmost care. Five months ago, Johnny doesn't have the motivation to continue living his life, but here he was thriving to know what tomorrow can offer him.

For Johnny, meeting you was his saving grace, problems might fill up in his life, there is this constant reminder that society will always judge him the minute he does something wrong, there is his father, his stepmother who doesn't really pay attention to him, his old life and old self constantly reminding him the pain of the past.

"What happened to your eyes?" there were dark circles under his eyes and for a moment you thought that he has a lot in his mind to think about for the lack of sleep.

"I stayed up till dawn playing overwatch with Donghyuck and Mark last night." He says smiling.

"I'm glad your settling with the boys all right." Johnny watched you, how your long hair flow past your shoulders through your back, he loves the little freckles dancing all over your cheeks naturally and how a touch of pink creeps in your cheeks naturally because of the humid air.

You were really glad. "Do you want to go with me and Ten?" He asks you when your classes ended for the morning, both of you walked to the library to hide from prying and malicious eyes. "He wants to hang out in the nearest coffee shop." he continued and you agreed to go with him, making a turn for the exit.

Johnny ordered an Americano for him and a latte for you, eating the packed lunch your mother made for you and Johnny as you wait for Ten.

Ten arrived with Jaehyun in tow, placing their bags down Jaehyun took the seat beside you while Ten walked to the counter to order their drinks. Johnny looked at you and Jaehyun but ignore the malice running in his head.

"Kim Yerim!" the three of you looked at the entrance to see Johnny's sister entering the cafe, Yerim waved at someone across their table and saw his sister's friend Park Sooyoung waving frantically. Johnny turned to look at you and Jaehyun ignoring his sister who started walking inside, "What happened to you?" he asks Jaehyun,

"Why?"

"You're turning really red." Johnny pointed out and you snickered at Jaehyun who turns to look at Johnny's sister absentmindedly. "Man, That's my sister!" Johnny whispered-shout at him as he fought the urge to laugh at Jaehyun. Someone definitely has a crush on his little sister.

You and Johnny eyed each other, laughing as you both understood telepathically. "What's so funny?" Ten asks when he arrived and the both of you laughed loudly this time.

"Hyung!" Jaehyun shouted at him his ears turning red.

When Johnny got home, he locked himself up in his room that his step-mother finally asked to clean. He was busy waiting for Donghyuck and Mark to play when he heard a knock on his door.

"Can I come in?" His step-mother asked. Yerim's mother is a great person, but that doesn't really mean that she's a good mother to both him and Yerim, he can't really judge her though, she's still young and living her dreams but then his father got her pregnant with Yerim and then here she is stuck at this hell of a household, all three of them under the strings of his father.

"Yes." He says.

Kim Ah-Jong walked inside, placing a warm cup of milk beside him for the first time, "Johnny," She started as he settled at the edge of Johnny's bed facing him. Johnny turns his chair to face her too, holding the warm mug in his hand to seek comfort in this awkward setting.

"I don't know how to start, but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry," she paused for a second, ignoring the lump in her throat, "I hope you forgive me for replacing your mother's position, and that I'm really grateful because you love your sister more than anything even though you didn't have the same mother."

"It's the least that I could do." He says.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry if I failed you as a mother, I was busy finding myself to the point you and Yerim grow up without the right amount of affection from us. We're such horrible parents and I wanted to say sorry on behalf of your father. You don't deserve this, no one else did."

That night, Johnny slept soundly in his own home for the first time in a while.

Yerim was shocked to see her mom attending to his brother, it's as if she suddenly had a change of heart and finally started to be a mother to his brother. Her father was another problem, he still hasn't moved on from his son's attempt. Spitting atrocious words early in the morning making Johnny regret even joining the breakfast.

Kim Ah-jong had enough of his husband's wrath, it was still morning and his husband is starting to get on her nerves. She stabs her bread knife on their table as she turns her head towards him, "Is still early in the morning for the love of God, Kim Ji Hoon. Must you really ruin our morning?" she says.

Both Yerim and Johnny were stunned at her, their father shutting up in instant at the fear her wife would stab her.

Johnny and Yerim drive to the University that day together, "Oh, do you mind if we stop by at my friend's house? I promise to pick him up." Johnny asks and Yerim nodded.

Johnny smirked, he was excited to see Jaehyun's reaction.

Johnny pulled up in front of Jaehyun's apartment, sending him a message the was up in front of his building, after a minute, Jaehyun emerges from the entrance of the building running to get to his car with a tumbler in his other hand.

Johnny pulled the window down and Jaehyun saw Yerim first, he stopped midway, flustered that a girl was with his young, and It was no other than his sister. he played it cool and sat at the back.

"Oh, Yerim-ah, this is Jaehyun. He's my friend."

Jaehyun didn't expect her to turn around and bow her head down. "Thank you so much for taking good care of my brother."

Johnny became flustered with Yerim but laughed it off instead. Jaehyun bowed his head towards her saying it was nothing. Yerim was unaware of the looks she was getting from the older boy sitting at the back seat of his brother's car as Johnny keeps throwing playful glances at the back while he drove them to the school.

Graduation was already nearing, both you and Johnny were already finished with your practicum, Johnny was moving boxes towards his car, for some reason, his father allowed him to have his own flat, his step-mother saying that it would be the best for him and his mental health to have some space between them and that they should give him some time and space. His father was adamant at first but has nothing to do in the end.

"Just let him do what he wants, He's already graduating, with honors! He already did everything you wanted it's the least you could do for him." he heard his step-mother argue a while ago with his father. Johnny still had to go home every Sunday at the main house, though.

You and Taeil volunteered to help him with his moving and he was glad, to say the least. Yerim contacted you to do his groceries for him and the two of you left the older boys as you went to the market with Yerim.

Yerim was a cool young woman, she was matured for her own age, you learned that she was very frank at what she wants and that she loves her brother so much.

"I'm really glad my brother meet you," she says as she links her right arms with you, you were both walking to the parking lot, and you smiled at her blushing.

"Honestly, I never really liked his old friends. Jongin? Nope. Chanyeol? He's an asshole. Everyone in that damn team is an ass except for Sehun," she says as both of you entered the market, pulling a big cart in the process, and continued walking ahead. "You and your brother are surrounded by good people. Do you know that? And I'm kind of jealous of you, not that I don't have good friends, I do."

"Well, consider me someone you can be with so those good people will surround you too," you said smiling, Yerim giggled at you.

It took Johnny a week before really settling down in his apartment, he invited the guys over to have a small welcoming party, drinking and playing till the sun rises.

Johnny was busy typing at his laptop as you were both doing your last requirement for college, papers, and documents were all scattered around his living room when he turns his head to look at you. "Are you comfortable with those jeans?" He asks.

You look at your pants, it is uncomfortable.

"I don't have extra clothes," Johnny poked at his cheeks with his tongue, he stood up and went inside his room, when he came back he was holding clean boxer shorts. "You can use this if you want," he says as he extends his arms to you. You gladly took it and went to his bathroom to change.

Johnny thinks this was more dangerous than when he had blood oozing out of his wrist, you had your toned legs on display for him, and only him. It wasn't helping at all. Without knowing, he stared at your legs for a good minute, the urge of having his hands run along the lines of your thighs was becoming unbearable. He was amazed by the lack of hair you had around your arms and legs, was it liked that too with the parts your clothes have covered? He can't help the wild imaginations running around his head with the things he wants to do to you.

Johnny focused his attention back on the screen of his laptop. What the fuck is he even thinking? It's you, his fucking angel. How dare he have dirty thoughts about you. He mentally slaps himself and went back to typing.

You noticed Johnny having a mental crisis because of you and you silently laugh at him, extending your legs further to have your skin touch his thighs.

after hours of being productive with your work, You and Johnny decided to call it a night.

After a week of preparations for the upcoming finals, you and Johnny decided to meet up, the waiter placed both of your orders in front of you and Johnny, who give the waiter a small smile while uttering a quick "Thank you." You eyed Jhonny's food who looks somewhat more delicious than your Pesto Pasta. You don't even know why you ordered it, you never even tasted it before, you just want to— maybe, impress the guy in front of your table who were giving you obvious looks about the taste pallet you had which is definitely of a 13 Years old.

Johnny gives you a look while shaking his head, knowing all too well that you wanted a bite of it. Looking at you who's eyeing his barbeque bacon burger with fries on the side— It's usually what the two of you order and he was shocked that you ordered something out of the ordinary. He knew that you weren't the type of girl to go out of your comfort zone. You like what you usually eat, what you usually drink, and what type of clothing you usually wear. You are a very simple, young woman. You don't usually try things out of the blue, especially, when the two of you are both hungry.

Instantly, Johnny switched both plates. Giving you his food whilst saying a silent goodbye to the famous BBQ burger that he craves so much after winning a football game, which, he deserves. "What are you doing?" you asked shocked. You already saw him digging in and wincing at the taste. "Why the fuck would you even order this thing?" he asked.

You looked at the guy at the other table. You both were giving silent glances, he's good-looking and obviously from another school but you don't do other schools, that is the thing, you'd rather date someone from the same school, same department or same village. You don't like the hassle. People can go ahead and say your such a basic bitch, which in fact, you are. You finally give your full attention to Johnny who looks at his back to find some guy obviously ogling your face. That was the scariest thing in the world for him, guys ogling your face rather than your body, honestly, it was obvious from guys falling for your body— they just want to get in your pants, but guys who fall for your beauty is different.

You start digging in with your food. "This is the reason why I love you so much." You stated giving your burger a bite.

"Why would you even want to eat this." He says. You give him a chuckle as you extend your right arm towards him, offering him a bite of your burger, which he gladly took. "I'm sorry, I'm such a pain in the ass." You said.

"I kidnapped you in your after party and I'm so sorry, I didn't know Jennie's going to be there, and now you're eating something you don't even like. Man, you don't deserve this." You continued. Sincerely saying sorry towards him— picking a fry and dipping it on the ketchup provided at the side of your plate.

For some reason, Things work out for him and the team, It was going to be his last year playing, and the higher-ups decided for him to lead the team again, making Jongin lose face around the campus. It wasn't like before, It was expected, Johnny was just professional around them, leading them at the court and out of sight, after.

"What? No way. This is what I deserve. A peaceful dinner and finally having time with you." He says after biting at the toasted bread the pasta has. It was true though, Johnny was talking with Jennie again, well, but not exactly dating her, as students would say around campus. They dated, but that was that, he can't even imagine being good friends with someone who cheated on him, he was just being civil with her, ending things with a good note and leaving the better past behind him, and you haven't really had the chance to hang out together since their coach intensified their training hours and days, and right after that Johnny would hang out with your brother and the other guys.

"What did my brother say, though? with you being with me tonight? You guys are basically dating each other by now," you joked.

"Yeah, he's cool with it. Don't worry, I told him about our meeting before you actually kidnapped me." He gives you a smirk and you give him a confused look. "I was actually going to ask you for a dinner with me after the game." You rolled your eyes at him.

"Wow." You commented. You were practically like a twin at this rate. "Can I ask you something, though?" Johnny didn't know whether to ask because he was curious or just wait for you to open up to him, for some reason, Johnny felt naked around you. You knew everything about him, you have him wrapped around your pretty little fingers "What if I don't want to?" You countered and he scoffed.

"What was the reason you transferred? you only had a year to finish before graduating," Your face fell and he instantly saw how your face contorted into a frown. "Why are you making that face?" he asked.

"I had a bad break up to the point that I was destroying myself." You finally said like it was nothing. Johnny stopped everything that he's doing, giving you a look as if asking why. He felt like an idiot. How can he? at your worst time? "I'm such a horrible friend." He says.

"It's not your fault, and I'm even sorry that I didn't tell you sooner." You said quietly. Suddenly your favorite dish from the dinner doesn't look appealing anymore. "And I wanted time for myself, you know, he cheated on me."

the clicking of utensils can be heard throughout the diner when he dropped them to the table. He was fuming mad.

"It wasn't anyone's fault, though. if anything. It was mine. I lost interest in our relationship, didn't have time for him, and just lost everything along the way." You said while moving your plate towards him which he gladly took, abandoning the pasta you ordered and eating the half of the burger you had. But the real reason was, you can't stop comparing your ex-boyfriend to him.

"Still isn't a reason to cheat on you." He says after taking a bite. You move your lemonade in front of you and lazily sip on it. He drops the topic knowing all too well that you don't want to talk about it. Still, he felt guilty for some reason, What could go wrong?

Right, Johnny Suh is starting to have feelings for you, and definitely not in a platonic way.

And you don't have any idea about it.

He opened your bag that was beside him and fetch the wet wipes that were inside. He opened it and out of habit cleaned your fingers with it. And you let him, smiling. "I wished I meet you sooner," He looked at you and smiled. "I'm really sorry I haven't been with you for the last 21 years." you joked as you let him dry your fingers with a dry napkin that the diner provides.

You were about to head out— fetching the car keys that you placed on the bowl beside the main door when you hear a familiar honk outside your house. Your hands slip past your keys and you walk the small distance to your door, opening it the cold air of December heats your face and Johnny greeted you with his usual beam on his face, his left hand stretched up outside his window, giving you a wave.

You smiled to yourself, biding your mom a quick goodbye and you were off to school with your best friend.

"Good Morning." He greeted you when you opened the door of his black Audi.

"Good Morning, indeed." You said facing him after securing yourself with the seat belt. There was a tint of pink in Johnny's checks that you choose to ignore.

Pulling up at the parking lot in front of the university's main building where a lot of students lingered chatting with their circle of friends— Johnny smoothly maneuvered and parked at his usual spot.

You both get out of his car and started to walk to the building.

"See you at lunch?" he asked when you neared your classroom— you were slightly shocked. "Won't you be eating with Yerim today?" you asked as you stopped in your tracks facing him. "Doesn't have to." He simply replied and you nod your head. "She'll be mad, John." You said as a matter of fact— facing him while slowly backing away as he marly give you a shrug. "She doesn't have the right, though." you rolled your eyes at him "Just ask her to eat with us!"

Graduation was nearing and you've been offered a job at one of the top companies in the city, you didn't have the reason to turn them down so you accept and were set to sign the contract right after having your diploma.

This calls for a celebration, though.

When Johnny heard that he was the first one to know about something significant in his life, he was delighted.

You found yourself getting tipsy with the cheap booze in front of you and Johnny. You were laughing at something he said about his sister, holding the cheap beer in your hand as you chug the contents down your through. "Okay, That's enough," Johnny said whilst grabbing the cans of beer and putting them back at his refrigerator. You pout back at him but don't argue, you still have to attend your classes tomorrow morning and you don't want to miss anything for the last weeks you have for being a college student.

Johnny tucked you in his bed and you bid the sweetest goodnight on him, he leaves a sweet kiss on your forehead before heading for the couch in the living room to sleep on, since he had no energy to actually drive you home.

You woke up that night, feeling rather hot, unconsciously stripping out of your pants and bra out of habit, you walked to the kitchen for some water.

Walking with blurred vision, you find your way into the kitchen. The lights were dim as you passed by the living room completely ignoring the fact that Johnny could definitely walk on you wearing only your white tee and undies.

You helped yourself around the kitchen, rummaging in the refrigerator for a jar of water, your hands felt the cold lid of the jar, popping it open and chugging the contents down. You giggled after realizing that you should probably use glass and act like a lady for once since you're not in your own place.

You hissed as you struggle, reaching for a glass in the cupboard. "Just why is it placed so fucking high?" you asked yourself. A hand reached for the glass and you turned around, shocked and ready to pounce the person behind you.

you came face to face with Johnny. His face, only inches away from you. His hands find their way to your waist as he looked at you and the glass in his hands, he purred his self some water in the glass and chugged the whole content down.

"I got thirsty," he said. You moved beside so you don't disturb him, stepping at least five steps away.

He looked you up and down, the smell of booze around, is strong, it almost made you gag. Feeling the cold air between your legs, you looked at yourself. "Fuck." realizing that you were only wearing your white t-shirt; that you probably owned since 7th grade— Your breast was obvious that even your nipples were prominent, your shirt just hanging before your hip bone and then your undies.

You mentally slap yourself. He put the glass down and you put your hair in front to at least cover your hardening nipples away from him. Chills run down your spine as he took another step forward, clearing the distance between you.

"Hey-" he cut you off.

"Johnny," he says.

"What?" you asked, barely whispering. Your eyes moved down on their own, from his eyes down to his upper body, he was shirtless, giving you free access to his perfectly sculpted body, his pelvis, so sharp even a God couldn't compare. Again, you felt the burning sensation coming back in your throat. You touched your neck instantly as you tried to swallow.

"My name, say it," he whispered, you looked up only to be met by his eyes, dark with unknown lust as if burning you within. He keeps staring at you, keeping you captive with his eyes that you somehow felt naked.

"Johnny," you whispered trying not to sound like your practically moaning his name. He took a step forward, leaving no space between you and him. "Again." He commands you. You sucked a deep breath as you avoid eye contact.

"Johnny."

He used his index finger to lift your head as his thumb drew circles just below your chin to the base of your neck. blood rushed to your face as you suddenly felt hot on your cheeks as he put his hands on your waist again. He tilts his head, the smell of alcohol mixed with his aftershave and mint filled your senses, suddenly it wasn't too dark anymore.

He brushes his lower lip against yours that you barely felt it. He licked his lower lip as you bite yours. He stares intently at you. "You know, I would appreciate it if you don't walk around the house in these." his hands hot on your skin.

all rationality seems to fly out of the window, both of you staring at each other gazes, Johnny pulling you in for a much deeper kiss. "Didn't know you were this naughty with alcohol in your system," he murmured, Johnny's soft languid kisses were driving you wild, he moves at the base of your neck and sucked at the soft skin before pressing light kisses.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" he says softly, your breath hitches without knowing and you deliciously clenched around nothing upon hearing his statement, you were hypnotized by his eyes. Leaning down, he kisses you again.

You put your hands around his chest to push him slightly, gazing up toward him, "I want this," you whispered. "No. Not in the morning when you're sober enough to regret this," Johnny says, you ignore him and pulled him down to kiss him again, and Johnny lost all his logic with how delicious you tasted, you guide his hands on the hem of your shirt and slowly he peels it off for you and lets it fall down the floor.

Johnny put his arms around you and hauls you against his body, squeezing you tightly, his hands traveled down your waist and down to your behind, he holds you against his hips, and you feel his erection, which he gladly pushes into you, easily lifting you from the floor after, you moan once more in his mouth, He eases you towards the bed and you feel your back against the soft cushion once more.

Tentatively, you move your hands up to his face and his hair, tugging at it lightly as if implying for him to take you fully. But Johnny has other plans in his mind. He grabs your hips with both his hands and runs his tongue around your navel, gently nipping his way to your hipbone and across your belly to the other.  "Ah," You groan.

Seeing him on top of you, between your legs as you feel his hot breath against your skin, Is unexpected, but you wanted this as much as he wants it. Your hand on his hair, pulling gently as you try to quiet your loud breathing. He gazes up at you through impossibly long-lashed, and chocolate-colored eyes. His hand reaches the hem of your black underwear, leisurely pulling it down without taking his eyes off you, he stops and licks his lips, never breaking eye contact. Johnny leans forward, running his nose up the apex between your thighs, and you feel him.

"You smell so fucking good," he murmurs and closes his eyes. a look of pure pleasure on his face and you practically convulse.

You raise yourself on your elbows to see what he's doing, you were panting, you wanted him right there. shit

Moaning, you felt him run his tongue on the sleek of your heat, "Keep still," he murmurs and then leans down again to kiss down your clit. "How can I not move? you're making me feel this good." you felt him smirk against your skin. "Then, we'll have to work on keeping you still." there was a dangerous tone laced in his voice and you find it impossibly hot and twisted. You're flushed, skin burning, too hot, too cold, and you're craving more as you clawed at the sheets beneath you.

Johnny moves forward and you protested but the pleasure came back once more when he blows very gently on one of yours mound, his hands moving to the other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of your nipple, elongating it. You moan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to your groin.

"Johnny," you were wet, "Please," you beg silently as your fingers clasp the sheet tighter. His lips close around your nipple and he tugs, making you convulse. He doesn't stop.

Johnny moves his fingers around your clit, drawing circles as he laps on your mound,  you let yourself go from his touch. His thumb and finger continue doing you deliciously and you fall apart on his hands.

"Oh," you won't lie, that felt extraordinary, and now, you know the fuss around him is about. He gazes down at you, a satisfied smirk on his face and you're still in owe from your high.

Johnny was amazed at how responsive you are, he laced his fingers around you, drawing slow and lazy circles around your clit again, bringing another set of heat in your core. He closes his eyes briefly, his breathing hitches. You're deliciously wet and Johnny doesn't want to fuck you with a condom on, and neither did you.

He reaches over the bedside table, anyway, grabbing a foil packet, and then moving out of the bed to discard the rest of his clothes. You saw him, and your mouth watered at how long and thick he is. He kneels on the bed and pulls the condom onto his length. "I really don't want to use one."

"Is that going to fit in?"

"Don't worry," He breathes,  "You're wet enough, Angel. I know you can make me well," He murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of your sex and pushing hard.

"Aargh!" You cry as you felt him sliding in, there was a weird sensation pinching deep inside you as he rips through you without warning. Johnny stills, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph. His mouth opened slightly, his breathing harsh. He groans wanting to move.

"Fuck, baby, so tight."

"Johnny, Wait."

He stills for a moment, "Why?" You held onto his forearms, fucking him with a condom doesn't feel right, you wanted every little part of him, you wanted to feel him. Raw. "I- Can we remove the condom?" Johnny asks as if reading your mind.

You nod at him, You felt him slide out of you, removing the condom and throwing it at the trash bin beside his bed. Johnny positions his self once more, easing on to you, groaning. He loved every bit of it, this was the first time that you had sex without using protection, and the same thing goes for Johnny. Moving your hips up to him, as a sign that you wanted him to move already. He groans. You felt so full, as he let you acclimatize at the overwhelming feeling of him inside you. Naked, and Raw.

He eases back with exquisite slowness. Closing his eyes, Johnny controlled himself not on to fuck you hard, He thrust into you again, and you cry out in pleasure. He shifts into his elbow, and you feel his weight on you, holding you down. He moves painfully slow at first, easing himself in and out of you. You grew impatient and you can't help but move your hips up tentatively to meet his. He speeds up. Pounding on you, picking up speed by the second, merciless and in a relentless rhythm.

you can't help yourself to meet his thrust, making Johnny lose his mind because of you. Your body quivers. a sheen of sweat gathers over you. Your thoughts are scattered. There's only the feeling of him, of you, and him, and you stiffen.

"Come for me, baby," he whispers breathlessly, and you unravel at his words, exploding around him as you climax and shard into pieces with every being you had underneath him. And as he comes inside you, calling your name, thrusting hard, the stalling as he empties himself into you.

Johnny's breathing was ragged as you try to slow your breathing, your heart thumping hard and your thoughts in a disarray, you opened your eyes. His eyes flickered open and gaze down at you, dark but soft. He's still inside you, leaning down, he gently presses a kiss against your forehead then slowly pulls out of you.

Johnny cleaned you up and spoon you to sleep, he hoped that in the morning you won't regret what happened. Because he loved every moment of it.

--

Part 2? I didn't put the taglist because this is already reposted. so, yeah, hope u guys enjoyed! let me know what you think, I feel like i sucked making this.

[loving-all-for-loki]

You Belong Pt. 2

Loki x reader

Word count: 2098

Warnings: swearing, SMUT, unprotected sex (YOU KNOW BETTER)

A/N: I don’t know how many of you actually wanted a sequel, but one person did so I’m making it. I think some of you are realizing what kind of an author I am. I’ll pretty much do anything. This is my first time writing smut so please go easy on me 🥺 Go read part 1 if you haven’t already!

It’s been two days since you went on a date with Loki. He took you out to a nice dinner then a walk before taking you back to your apartment. It was a really nice night and had Loki come in with you, you think it would be even better, but alas he didn’t. He was a gentleman and left as soon as you got in. Sitting at your desk like usual, Loki walks in with a cup of coffee and sets it down by you with a smile.

“Good morning, darling.”

“Hi, Loki.”

Your coworkers gather in a corner and start whispering about you again, knowing they probably heard about your date with the god.

“I really enjoyed our date the other day and was wondering if you wanted to do it again sometime?”

“Yeah,, I uh… I would love that.”

Loki’s smile is so wide, it goes all across his face.

“Wonderful. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to apologize again about Rogers.”

“Loki, it isn’t your fault. He was right in a way-”

“No, remember what we talked about? You belong.”

“I’m not a hero. I’m just a receptionist.”

Loki rolls his eyes and sighs.

“You’re impossible. I have to go, but I’ll stop by later.”

He makes his way towards the elevator and to the Avenger’s floors. The whole team is sitting around the living are and laughing, having a good time. Loki walks up to them and grabs Steve by the collar and drags him down the hall. The team gets up to him but Loki quickly disappears.

“We need to talk about Y/N.” Loki says, throwing Steve on the floor of the training room.

“What about it? I already said what-”

“Exactly, you have said what you needed to and it’s stupid. If you ever yell or make her cry every again, I swear to the nine realms, I will end you.”

Steve stands there stunned as Loki disappears again, right in front of you. He scares you so bad that you fall out of your seat on the floor in which he helps you to get up from.

“Loki, what the-”

“So sorry, darling,” he laughs, “I talked to Steve and he won’t give you trouble, now for that second date.”

“It’s been five minutes how did you-”

“Doesn’t matter. Tonight at six? I’ll pick you up from your place this time?”

“I- uh yeah, I mean I guess.”

“Perfect.”

And once again, time passes so quick you don’t even notice until the knocking on the door wakes you up. You check the clock and notice the time, realizing it’s Loki, and cursing yourself under your breath. Loki knocks on your door again and the sound starts to give you anxiety. You gather yourself and answer the door to see Loki in a full black suit and slicked hair. He hides a boquet of flowers behind himself as he takes you in… dressed in sweats. “I fell asleep. I’m so sorry.”

Loki laughs and steps inside the apartment.

“It’s okay, darling. We can stay in if you want.”

“Are you sure because based on your appearance, it looks like you had something planned.”

“Darling, any time spent with you makes me happy. Do not fret. I did get these for you on the way here.”

He hands you the bouquet of white lilies.

“I love them, thank you.”

“They reminded me of you. Cute, small, pretty.”

You can feel the heat in your cheeks and you’re aware that he can probably see your blush.

“What do you want to eat? I can cook something.”

“No please don’t. Let me order something at least, to make up for the dinner.” He gives you a kind smile before the two of you relax on the couch together and order food. You settle on watching some movies together as you down a whole lot of Chinese food.

“This is amazing,” Loki chuckles, “This is still from Midgard?”

“Yes, it is,” you laugh, “It’s from China, it’s a different country.”

“Like New York?”

“No, no. New York is a state inside of America, which is a country.”

“I understand. Well, they make great food.”

“You and a million midgardians agree.”

He smiles and sets his food down, putting his arm around your waist on the couch. You snuggle into him, leaning your head into the crook of his neck. It’s hard to focus on the movie when Loki is so close to you and smells so good. You can feel your hands getting sweaty and your body getting hot. Loki’s eyes don’t even leave the T.V, oblivious to how he’s affecting you.

“Are you okay?” He looks down at you to see you squirming a little, trying to get more comfortable.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you say out of breath.

He gives you a side eye with furrowed eyebrows, not believing you, but returning his attention to the TV. You can feel your heart racing and pounding inside of you, not allowing you to relax. Loki’s fingers play with the hem of your sweatpants which doesn’t help the butterflied in your stomach. You didn’t feel like this last night when you had dinner, thinking that the table being between you two helped with keeping the feeling at bay. With him this close to you now, you can’t calm down.

“Seriously, darling. You look flushed.”

Loki has adjusted himself to look at you a little better. There’s concern on his face.

“I’m just a bit warm.”

“Oh? We can turn the AC up for you.”

“No, it’s fine, really.”

You’re too nervous to say anything about your butterflies. Loki keeps staring at you which makes you even more uncomfortable. As you turn to look at him again, you see a small smirk on his face.

“Yes?” You ask.

“I don’t know why, but seeing you this flustered is cute.”

Loki lifts your chin and locks lips with you. His lips are so soft and tender as he kisses you. You’re stunned at first but you slowly lean into the kiss, setting your hand on his chest as he places his on your jaw, holding your head close to him. It must be five minutes before you stop, taking a moment to take a breath. You two look in each other's eyes before Loki grabs your waist and pulls you into his lap.

His hands wander as you begin to make out again. You run your hands through his hair and he holds you tight, moving your waist to rub against his crotch. His grip on your ass sends shivers down your spine, making you squirm on Loki more. Loki pulls back to moan before picking you up.

Loki lays you down on the couch and hovers over you, still kissing you deeply. He keeps one hand by your head as his other wanders your body. Your body leans into his hand as he squeezes your breast. His touch is magnetic, you don’t want it to leave you. Then he wanders lower, his touch barely laying on your clit. You whine, wanting him to touch you but he looks at you with a devilish smirk.

“Use your words, baby girl. What do you want?”

“T-touch me, Loki.”

“Good enough for now, but so you know, it’s my King now.”

“Yes, my King.”

Loki rubs your clit through your pants and watches as your face curls. He looks at you in pride, loving the way he can make you melt. Kissing the side of your neck, he leaves hickeys all the way down before putting his hand down your pants, covering your bare folds. You whimper, making Loki chuckle.

“My sweet girl. So needy. Loki starts to take off his suit, removing his hand from you and making you whine. You try to take off your shirt as he does but have trouble, so Loki assists you. He admires your body as he removes the piece of fabric, his mouth watering every second.

“Such a beautiful creature.”

Loki latches his mouth on your nipple, lightly biting and sucking as he works on your pants. You let out a moan as he bites you, the feeling being unremarkable. Then a sudden tingle sparks on your mound. It’s warm and soft on you, massaging your clit slowly. You look at Loki to see him smirking, realizing it’s his magic.

He lets go off your breast and yanks your sweatpants down to your ankles, leaving his head shadowing over your folds. He licks a stripe over you, making you drop your head back in pleasure, moaning as he keeps going. You grab his raven locks as he clings onto your clit sucking and nibbling. He smiles against you at the sound of you moaning his name over and over again.

Loki adds a finger into you without stopping his magic. You get overwhelmed and start sweating from the pressure building inside of you. He goes faster without giving you any kind of break, urging you into an orgasm. The feeling in your stomach tightens until you hit your limit, letting go and cuming on his mouth.

“Such a dirty girl,” he coos, moving back over you, “You act all shy, but really you’re just a little whore.”

“Im.. your whore, my King.”

“Mhmm, I like the sound of that.”

Loki dips his head to kiss you again, nipping on your bottom lip, as he takes off his pants. You admire his body as he leans up. He’s so nicely toned, his abs on full display. The veins in his arms are popping out as he grips your hips, pulling you into him more. Your eyes wander down to his hands taking his large cock out of his underwear. His large member springs out, impressing you with the size. Loki chuckles at your face filled with worry.

“Don’t worry, darling. It won’t hurt.”

He leans down to kiss you again, holding your body to his as he guides his member into you. Going slowly, you feel yourself stretch around him as he moves. You gasp at the pressure filling you deeply. You sink your nails into his bare back, encouraging him to go faster.

Loki speeds up with thrusting into you. Every inch of him is heaven. Even the way he breathes and grunts into your ear sounds like angels singing. He whispers dirty comments are he thrusts hard, building more pressure inside of you.

“Come on, my dirty girl. You take my cock so well.”

You feel yourself get more wet with each word, dripping as he slides in and out of you. The coil in your stomach begins to be too much.

“You’re so close, baby. I want you to cum all over my godly cock.”

His words send you over the edge as you let go around him. You scratch down his back, leaving marks and small trails down his skin. He groans at the feeling, going faster. There’s no relief as you let go because you feel the tightness in your stomach return immediately. Loki doesn’t slow down but in fact flips you over and grabs your wrists, pining them together.

He slides in to you and pulls your wrists back. Loki pounds into you relentlessly, one hand holding you together and one pulling your waist back every time he slams back into you. You scream at the pressure and pain as he thrusts mercilessly and slaps your ass. Loki smiles at the sound and feels you losing your control over him, loving every sound out of your mouth.

“One more, little girl. Give me one more.”

You feel Loki’s thrusts becoming more sloppy, signaling his closeness. He becomes ruthless, exchanging his speed for roughness, going hard and slow. He reaches around your waist and rubs your clit, forcing you to drop on your stomach, your head smashed into the couch cushions. It becomes unbearable as you cum around him for the third time, your body covered in sweat and you out of breath. At the feeling of you clenching around him, Loki lets go and cums inside you, thrusting one last hard time. His grip on your waist leaves bruises.

Pulling out, Loki leans back to catch his breath, admiring you lying in a mess on the couch in front of him. You’re panting heavily with your eyes clenched shut. He smiles at his work. You turn around onto your back, looking up at the flushed god. He leans down to kiss you gently, smiling against your lips.

“I’m glad you slept in,” he chuckles.

[jae-daddy]

Duff (6)

jaebum au series

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO! i guess too now “ plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your best friend, Heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows a/n: im sorry for posting after so long. i got busy with new year celebrations and then started struggling with a creative blog. not edited. hope y’all enjoy it! <3

“So, how is it working for the hot new Director?” Naina asked, watching you take a bite of the fries on your plate. You narrowed your eyes at her anticipating face, waiting for any drop of new information.

You frowned at her instead, “Naina, you ask me this every time we meet.”

Naina only pouted in reply, before picking up a fry from your plate and popping it into her mouth. Before you could complain, she lifted up a quarter of her wrap and dropped it on your plate, “I only ask because you never know when situations can change. One day your secretary and boss, and the next day, you both are hooking up on his sexy desk.”

“Did you just call his desk sexy?”

“Come on,” Naina blew gaping at you as if you were the one insane. “Have you seen that majestic dark wood slick piece of beauty?”

“Oh my god, the Director’s desk right?” Pam settled next to Naina. Naina gave you a told you so look, and you just rolled your eyes at their antics. You didn’t say anything as the other two ladies drifted into a conversation about how sexy furniture could be.

You would have normally joined them, and told them about the three thousand dollar coffee table at Heather’s apartment. But you couldn’t participate in their conversation. Not when your mind was elsewhere; somewhere so much more interesting and sexier than furniture.

What Naina had said had planted another seed in your garden of fantasies about Jaebum and you.

This time you imagined yourself spread on his dark wood desk. Your bodies holding on to each other, desperately trying to get closer as he fucked into you.

You swallowed, as you popped a fry into your mouth, making you choke. You coughed a few times to avail before your hands reached out to your friends who turned towards you with wide eyes.

God, this was so embarrassing. You were going to die from choking on a piece of fry at the company cafeteria.

“Y/n!” Naina and Pam panicked, jumping in their seats. They held your hand staring at you horrified and lost. You had such idiot friends, you were truly about to meet the devil any second now.

Suddenly, you were pulled up from your seat and arms wrapped around your waist. You felt the person behind you press into your stomach from behind, making you heave. The smell of rose and vanilla enveloped you as you felt softness behind you.

“One more time,” a smooth voice grunted into your ear. You nodded, frantically, before the person pressed once more. The piece stuck in your throat flew out. You fell forward, your arms catching the table in front of you. Arms covered in a grey jacket held you steady as you caught your breath.

You heard claps, and you were so embarrassed.

“Are you okay?” You turned around and your breath got caught in your throat from the beauty in front of you. Her almond-shaped eyes crinkled as she gazed at you with concern.

Her pouty pink lips drew into a straight line before her fingers gently brushed the hair from your face. Your heart skipped a beat at the touch, before you nodded, holding in your breath, “I’m okay. Thank you.”

The goddess in front of you smiled, her short hair brushing her shoulders slightly, “Chew your food properly, doll.”

She shot you a wink and walked away with ease and confidence. You remained standing there, your hand over your pounding heart.

“Wow,” Naina gasped from behind you. You slipped into your seat, seeing their face mirror your awe, “I think I'm in love.”

“Me too,” Pam and you replied.

//

You walked into the office after two quick knocks for the sake of formality, and to piss of Jaebum.

Jaebum hated it whenever you did something that an employee was supposed to do, especially when no one else was around.

Jaebum’s office was supposed to be empty with just him sitting on the couch, he worked from.

So imagine your surprise when you walked into his office to find Jaebum and the gorgeous woman from the cafeteria tangled into one another.

You noticed how she was slightly perched on the dark wood of the sexy desk your friends had gushed about. You noticed how Jaebum’s hands spread on her back, and how her head dipped into his neck.

“Oh,” was all that left you. You didn’t know if you should walk back out or stand there until they noticed your presence.

Jaebum noticed you immediately and untangled himself from the woman instantly. You bit your cheek to hold in the urge to roll your eyes. He was going to pretend that you didn’t just walk into a moment in case you went back and reported to Heather.

Typical.

All men are trash.

And you knew Jaebum was just like everyone else already. You knew that the moment he decided to jump the boat from you and Heather literally five minutes after meeting you. He was no different to every other sleazy shit head to walk this earth.

The caught look on Jaebum’s face told you couldn’t hide the distaste from your face as your eyes settled on him.

“Hey, it’s you!” Her smooth voice chuckled, “You work for JB?”

“Everyone here does,” you gave her a curt smile back.

She could have saved you from hell but that didn’t excuse whatever her and Jaebum were up to before you walked in.

Your eyes drew back to Jaebum. The top button of his shirt open, his hair a mess and cheeks flushed. Biting your tongue, you tore your gaze away from him and the mess he echoed.

“She’s my assistant, y/n,” Jaebum finally croaked out. His eyes watching you.

You looked at the iPad in your hand instead of the pair in front of you, “You have a meeting with Mr Mark Tuan in twenty minutes, and dinner with Jackson Wang at eight.”

“No mister for Jackson?” the lady rose an eyebrow at you.

You gave her a polite smile, “No.”

She held your gaze for a moment longer, before turning to Jaebum. She let out a sigh as she hugged him once more. Jaebum hugged her back hesitantly this time, aware of your dark eyes watching them.

He patted her back twice and she moved away.

“It was nice seeing you after so long, JB,” she smiled at him. Jaebum smiled back at her this time, nodding in agreement. She patted his shoulder before picking up her bag from the chair next to the desk. “Oh, before I forget, guess who is back in town and wants to get into business with you?”

Jaebum frowned, and you watched the pair, almost sulking from your corner.

Her smile brightened with secrecy that made you listen intently, “Park Jinyoung.”

Your heart stopped.

“Hey y/n!” You blinked back to reality to find Jaebum in front of you. His eyes staring into yours as he rose his brows in question, “You alright?”

The grimace formed on your lips before you could hold it back. You didn’t even know what you were feeling but it wasn’t pleasant.

You felt it towards Jaebum and how he was hugging that girl. Not because of your feelings, but because he was with Heather.

Not that you had feelings for him or anything.

God, this was so confusing. On top of that, he was back in town.

You felt your frown deepen into a scowl as you glared at Jaebum.

You hissed at him, making him jump back slightly, “Get ready for the meeting. I’ve sent you the report for the meeting already.”

He opened his mouth to something, but you cut him off, “With notes, sir.”

You turned and began walking out of his office.

“Y/n,” Jaebum called out, but you ignored him.

//

Your foot kept tapping against the carpeted floor as you watched the numbers increase on the screen. You hadn't been able to keep still since the moment you heard the news.

Im Jaebum was no help either. All you wanted was to be left alone but he kept on trying to talk to you or kept on sending you to get coffee.

He didn’t take a single sip of those five iced americanos he ordered. All the cups piled on the floor next to the couch he sat on watching you with those dark eyes.

As soon as the clock hit seven-thirty, you called for Jaebum’s driver and rushed out of the office. You didn’t head home, you didn’t even consider going home for a second. Your feet without hesitation led you to Heather’s apartment.

You entered the code, your birthday, and entered the chilly room blasting with the AC high.

“Heather, I need wine and a good movie for crying. You won’t believe what I just- oh MY GOD- AHHHHHHH!” A bloodcurdling scream escaped you, as you fell onto the wall behind you.

When your scream settled as you took in the figure standing in the pink robe belonging to your best friend, you straightened, confused.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You sneered.

“Wow, such a kind greeting for me,” Bambam rolled his eyes, before continuing to sip the glass of orange juice in his hand. You stared at him, your mind puzzled and trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

“So what’s the tea?” Bambam smacked his lips before licking the droplets of juice remaining on them. He slammed the glass on the white marble, grinning at you. “Why do you need wine and a sad movie? Time of the month?”

“Why- What- How- Pink robe?” You stammered over your words pointing at him. Bambam stood there as if there was nothing weird about this situation. As if standing in nothing but another girl’s pink robe in a stranger’s kitchen was a normal occurrence for him. Your eyes narrowed at him, “Where’s Heather?”

“Y/n!” Heather appeared through her bedroom door. You took in her wet hair and silk robe, your eyes going to Bambam’s also wet hair. You frowned in confusion, and a fire blazed inside of you as an evil thought sprouted somewhere in the back of your mind.

Did they... Are they cheating on Jaebum?

Jaebum’s face from that night at the club invaded your mind. The smile on his face, the look in his eyes as he watched Heather with such softness, “It’s good she gets to live her life how she wants to.”

God. God.

What do you do?

You glared at Heather. Your eyes burned with betrayal from your friend and the anger that spread through your veins as you thought of Jaebum. You couldn’t bear to even imagine the sight of him heartbroken, defeated and cheated. You would rather the world end than see him like that.

“No, y/n!” Heather huffed taking a step towards you. The droplets from her long ember hair darkening the pink silk wrapped around her body. She took a step towards you and you almost took one back. But your feet remained still, as you saw the panic in her eyes, the desperation, “Let me explain.”

“So, what you’re telling me is that he is homeless?” You grunted at a dressed Heather sitting in front of you.

Bambam sat somewhere behind you, snorting, “I’m not homeless. Just low on cash and have no place to go.”

“That is literally homeless,” you turned towards him, giving him a smile.

“Basically,” Heather nodded, ignoring Bambam’s protest in the background. “I’m letting him stay here for a few weeks until his apartment problem is sorted out. I’m living at home anyways, but I came here today because I spilt coffee all over myself.”

“Oh,” you nodded. You weren’t completely convinced. She could’ve gone home, it was just ten minutes away. And why was both of their hair wet from the shower, when there is only one shower in the apartment. Maybe she might have kicked him out of the shower pulling ownership rank.

You had to believe her. There was no other explanation. The alternative was too cruel, and you would rather believe this than consider the dangerous alternative.

And how could you possibly not believe her? You knew Heather would do this in a heartbeat for anyone, she would do so much more then let others stay in her house. She had done the same for you once upon a time, she had done so much more.

She was even willing to buy you a house and you had to talk her out of it.

Yeah, there was no way anything was going on between Heather and Bambam. Whatever she said was the complete and absolute truth, there was no other alternative explanation needed or present.

Heather would never hurt someone else purposefully, she was pure and kind. She was not you.

“How come you’re here?” Heather asked, changing the subject.

“It’s nothing,” you shook your head.

“She's lying,” Bambam butted in. “She came in asking for wine and a movie that will make her cry. Something happened, or she’s on her period.”

Heather turned to you with a grave look, “What’s wrong, babe?”

You glared at Bambam, before turning to Heather. You let out a sigh as you picked your fingernails nervously. Heather instantly took your hands in hers making you meet her concerned green eyes, “What’s wrong?”

You frowned. Your lower lip trembling, “It’s -”

Ding Dong.

You and Heather turned towards the door, and then at Bambam. He let out an exhausted sigh, before he getting up, groaning.

“What am I meant to do? Send them away or- Oh, it's JB,” and without hesitation, he let the dark-haired male in.

Your frown deepened as you glared at the doorway he appeared through. His eyes landed on you right away and stayed on you. You held his gaze, your face darkening into a glare.

His rosy lips parted, his dark eyes filled with desperateness and despair as he held your gaze. It was as if all he saw in the room was you; as if the rest of the people, all disappeared.

It terrified you. It terrified you how this single moment made your heart flip and race. He terrified you.

“Oh good, you’re here Jaebum,” Heather spoke from behind you, and finally, Jaebum looked away from you. But it didn’t stay there, his dark eyes fell back on you, watching you intently.

Was he scared you would tell Heather what you saw in the office?

You scoffed at him, shaking your head as you looked away from him.

“Take Bambam out for a bit,” you heard your best friend’s sweet voice tell her boyfriend.

“I’m not a dog!” Bambam protested. Heather laughed behind you, but Jaebum and you didn’t as much as attempt to smile. Your eyes glittering with fire remained on him before you smirked at him.

You noticed his jaw tightened.

He was so pathetic.

You couldn’t believe you were worried about Heather cheating on him when he was almost dry humping another girl in his office. Well, you didn't see the humping, all you saw was the embrace, but you never know.

You can never know with guys like Im Jaebum, with their bad-news piercing and bad fuck-boy ways.

“Come on, let’s go,” Bambam began dragging Jaebum away, making him look away from you. “Clearly the ladies want us out.”

The door clicked behind them, and you felt your throat dry up.

Heather felt the tension too. She gently placed her fingers under your chin making you meet her gaze, “Now tell me, why do you need a sob night?”

“Heather,” you breathed. Your heart felt as if it would escape out of your chest. Your palms clasped sweatily, as you fisted them in your lap.

Two thoughts bounced around in your head, debating which one do you tell her.

Do you tell her about Im Jaebum who might have cheated on her if she hadn't walked in? Without any proof, without any certainty?

Or do you tell her what you wanted to, what had been bothering you since the afternoon?

“Heather,” her name left you shaky and weak, you gulped, your throat dry, “he’s back, and I might be seeing him around.”

Heather looked at you confused, and you continued, “He wants to get into business with Jaebum, and I'll have to be there.”

“Who, y/n?”

“Park Jinyoung,” you held in your breath.

Rage blazed through her emerald eyes matching the fire of her ember curls. She shot up from her seat, her fists clenched on her sides, “Fuck off if that asshole thinks he can come anywhere near you.”

You snorted, “He isn’t trying to come near me, Heather. He’s trying to do business with Jaebum.”

“I’ll talk to Jaebum to-”

“No.”

“No?”

You shook your head, “No, I can do this.”

Heather looked at you for a long moment.

You leaned into her, letting her engulf you into her arms, “Just let me be sad tonight and get ready for tomorrow.”

“My baby is all grown up,” She kissed your forehead, pulling you closer to her, “I’m so proud of you, but I’m always here for you.”

You nodded, you knew that.

The door of the apartment opened and you slightly turned to find Bambam walk in with four bottles of wine, “Are you guys ready to cry?”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but giggle as he popped one open and offered it to you.

“Fuck yeah!” Heather cheered. You all turned to her, surprised. Heather didn’t talk crude, but tonight she didn't care to act proper. She just rolled her eyes, “Tonight, we are improper human beings.”

Bambam turned to Jaebum who stood a few feet away, “You in?”

His dark eyes travelled to you once again. After a long moment, he nodded, finally, tearing his gaze away from you and to Bambam.

“Good, go get the glasses,” Bambam ordered him laughing. He turned to the front and pulled out the remote, “Notebook, Titanic --”

“One Day,” you say.

They all gasp and stare at you. You just shrug and take a sip of the wine.

“You really chose heartbreak today, huh?” Bambam snickered, pulling up Netflix. “One Day it is. Jaebum get the tissues ready.”