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skrrts · 1 month

Text

& action! (oneshot) mature!

✧ afab!reader x choi san ✧ reader is an unknown actress & san is a popular actor ✧genre: non-idol, show business, strangers, from dislike to interest ✧ word count: 8k ✧ warnings: san’s an asshole in the beginning, rude comments, insecurities, deep kiss with tongue and teeth but it's short, she/her for mc, nickname "pretty girl", mdni!

after countless boring little acting roles, you are finally cast as the female lead for an upcoming streaming series. everything would be perfect, if not for learning that the male lead is none other than choi san, highly praised for his skills but known to harshly criticize and even look down on his female co-stars.

a/n: this oneshot taught me i am not good at writing mean san. i wrote this 2 weeks ago but i didn't like it. now ended up editing the parts i was iffy about. it's a cliche plot of the mean guy going soft for you. i hope it still might be a fun read 🫶 this was inspired by a ranking of "top worst k-drama actors behind the scenes". there are no suggestive scenes but since there's rude/behavior talking, i will consider it mature, so mdni

As a child, you dreamed of becoming a musical artist, standing on stage and singing beautiful songs that made others cry. But reality was always by your side. Your family made just enough to give you a decent, average life, something you were thankful for, and you never blamed them for being unable to afford vocal lessons. Instead, you joined your school’s theatre group, went to college, and started affordable acting lessons in between several part-time jobs to pay for a dream that kept changing. Maybe you couldn’t perform the way you wanted, but there could still be a way to be out there. It was a fool’s dream, but a part of you thought maybe if you just became a successful actress, you could chase your original wish when money was less of a problem and names opened doors.

Of course, you knew it was just as foolish, with hundreds of thousands of desperate souls trying to become the next big name in the acting industry. Your family wasn’t fond of it, but after receiving the long-desired college major in marketing, they gave their blessing, and you were lucky. A small agency was looking for what they called ‘fresh faces, raw and with unique talents.’ You had low expectations when you auditioned because your special skill was singing, but it seemed your dream was still there. The casting manager was in tears when you finished one of your favorite musical songs. A magical moment.

One that was over by the time you signed your contract and faced reality. You were a nobody, and the tiny roles you got weren’t enough to pay the bills. You started working part-time in a higher-class clothing store with brand names every child knew and you likely would never be able to afford if your streak of poor roles continued.

Two years of playing background store visitor, neighbor’s girl, the average student thirsting over the main lead for three seconds never to be seen again, and your biggest hit so far: the quick flirt of a vet who was weak for you before shaking his head remembering the female lead.

There was no doubt, you slowly questioned your own intelligence because why were you doing this? Years after graduation and in an office, as boring as it would be, you already could lead a decent life with a larger apartment that wasn’t smaller than your college dorm and wearing your hair however you wanted.

So what changed? The popular actor who played the vet invited you and five other actors to join a TikTok dance challenge and for some reason, it went viral because people asked who this girl was who pouted so cutely. And when they started to research you, seeing that you were hard-working rather than a foolish girl thinking beauty alone carried it, you were supported rather than a meme.

It all could be so perfect if not…

“You know, I have never seen anyone as dejected about being cast as the main female lead in one of the biggest productions of popular streaming platforms as you. You went from being ignored for too long to getting one of the best big debuts. I mean it, the plot of this is decent, you won’t just play some poor and confused girl who meets the rich lead.”

Yeosang was both a curse and a blessing. He was one of your agency’s managers and in charge of you for years, often complaining how the agency did not give you the role castings they should in favor of their bigger names when he saw the potential in you. Maybe it seemed odd to some, but the former child model had a good understanding of the industry, and you always appreciated his insights and advice. He had come to prefer being behind the stage rather than in the spot light.

On the other hand, Yeosang was awfully honest, sometimes a little too much when you just wanted to sulk while being driven to the table read in the fanciest car they had given you so far.

“It’s because of the male lead,” you muttered, and Yeosang frowned.

There had been a very short-notice casting change of the main lead, and you went from absolute excitement about a well-respected and liked name in the industry to pure horror. Choi San likely had one of the most dedicated fan bases out there, but among actors, it was no secret that he wasn’t shy to speak his opinion. No, there even was an incident where he managed to convince the production company to switch the female lead in the middle, and they had to start over. The writers wanted somebody more classy on the cast, and thus, you only learned about it yesterday.

“You have heard all those stories. He calls you out if you do not live up to his expectations, he will call you out and make the entire filming process a nightmare. It will be the worst three months of my life.”

If you messed this up, that would be it — no second chances for female leads who did not win over the viewers.

It was worse because there was also a rather intimidating scene where they would get close after some incident, and he would make her feel a certain way, lots of kissing and partly undressing. They promisedit was very professionally but … How were you meant to film something like that with a man who would look down at you?

Yeosang snapped his fingers in front of your face, and you blushed.

“Y/N, breathe! Let’s wait and see how it goes. I am sure the casting director considered that or else, as harsh as it is, they also would have replaced you. Being a new name for the larger audience, it would not have been a big deal for them.”

Maybe his honesty was good after all.

“You are right, sorry. Ignore it, I guess I am just nervous.”

Yeosang squeezed your hand. “And that is fine, this is your big chance, and I know you will give it your all.”

You didn’t expect just how many people would be there for the first official reading. While you had already received the script, considering filming was about to start in less than a week, it surprised you how not only the main cast was there but also the makeup team, stylists, and a few people you didn’t know but assumed were in charge of the infamous indirect sponsoring of brands who likely decided if they were interested in wasting money on you.

The story was mostly told from your character’s perspective and suddenly, you understood why they spent an hour on your makeup: fresh but natural, your hair braided over your shoulder, and a casual outfit of jeans, a tank top, and a denim jacket, giving you a confident but youthful look. If they looked at you today and decided you did not live up to their brand’s expectations, that was it for them.

A particular male lead, on the other hand, did not have to try; he looked like a god even without any makeup. Jeans and an oversized white shirt, slightly open to reveal some of his chest, with glasses that made him look elegant, and hair styled back.

The moment Yeosang and you entered, all attention was on you. You smiled politely, as you always did, advised not to act any different from the much more casual and small readings the ‘npc of the acting industry’ usually received.

“Miss Y/N, I am very excited to see you,” said Mister Nam, the leading producer, whom you had already met during the casting process.

You accepted his hand and bowed: “It is nice to meet you again, Sir. I am very much looking forward to working with you.” And like that, you went through a row of people to greet, bow, and thank, even though you had no idea who they were. It was the manners; you were a nobody among somebodies.

The faces you paid extra attention to were Seonghwa, the leading makeup artist for not only the production but also the promotions that would follow, and Hongjoong, the lead stylist. They seemed kind, curious, and outgoing.

Then finally, the one you did not want to see but were meant to pretend to wildly fall in love with for the following three months.

“Mister Choi,” you bowed politely. He was a senior of yours and likely expected the usual treatment. As you looked up, you caught him staring, quite openly, as if making a judgment about whether you suited his aesthetic.

Officially, all those shows were from the female lead’s perspective, but they really just served as self-inserts for the mainly female viewer base who fell hard for the handsome man. There was a small grin on his lips, but he did not even waste a breath to greet you, like he decided in that moment to test your limits.

You managed to keep it together and sat down next to him. The reading was long and unnecessary, mainly the producer talking, with several inside jokes in favor of your co-actor and details already known to those involved. It was almost at the end when everyone was supposed to go and take photos for the press announcement, and they looked at you.

“We do have a small unexpected moment planned, one that actually isn’t in the official script yet but when I found out I could not resist. Miss Y/N is a very talented singer.”

Oh no.

“So we added a scene. We currently have a well-known songwriter producing a few lines for us, and the song will bring some tears.”

“Aren’t we all looking forward to that?” San added lightheartedly, likely noticing how you grabbed your jacket under the table a little tighter. They all laughed.

With that, everyone left the room except you and your male lead, as it was tradition to give the two of you a few minutes to get to know each other. While you were trying to find anything kind to say, this asshole did not even bother. Instead, he leaned closer.

“Listen, pretty girl. I have worked with your kind before. You were lucky and somehow caught the interest of a producer without any real passion, skill, or will to go through this properly. This show will be my last one before I go abroad; I cannot let it flop because you think your face does the job.”

He tilted his head to show you how unimpressed he seemed by you up to this point.

“You better not waste my time. I give you one day. If your acting is shit, you are out. Do you get it? While he is charmed by you, I have worked with Nam before and his moods change like the weather. A good friend of mine would suit this role perfectly, and she and I share great chemistry. She’s just one call away.”

You wished he would just intimidate you to the point where you were scared, but somehow, something in your mind decided to be insane instead.

You spat at his expensive-looking clothes, leading him to yelp and withdraw.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” he cursed.

In your mind, this was it. You just ended your very fragile career, but you were too terrified to act shy now. You had walked into the fire; now you couldn’t hope somebody would save you, so all you could do was… act.

“Talk to me like that again, and I will sue the hell out of you,” you replied, with no lack of hesitation in your voice, perfectly hiding how you wanted to scream or slap yourself.

It was unfair how he could be like that just because he had major successful roles in the past few years.

With that, you grabbed your phone and walked out of the room. Yeosang seemed surprised that you were so quick to return. He expected the two of you would have a proper conversation, as the chemistry was important, but you told yourself you’d just see if you really were cut out for this by faking chemistry that certainly was not there.

“Do I want to know?” he asked, brows furrowed when you shook your head eagerly, leaving.

“I can’t believe she just spat at me,” San replied, sighing at his friend who was slowly fixing his makeup.

“To be honest, I’d probably have done about the same, you know? Why do you always have to be such an asshole? Once upon a time, you were a nobody. I remember your first role, the son of the teacher. You were so adorable, struggling to catch any role until you decided to bulk up a few years ago. Now, you steal the dreams of women and men alike.”

The taller one only leaned back once he was satisfied with the natural makeup again, just gaining a stare from the actor.

“Yes, exactly. People pointed fingers at me, so I proved them wrong by working hard, changing myself, and then actively going for roles. I got cast for my looks AND my skills. Those female leads they give me, they chose them because they are pretty, or ended up going viral for some nonsense not because they enjoy the craft.”

Seonghwa sighed as he slowly stood up: “Sannie, you are far too hard. You know, just because somebody took longer than you and received fewer roles does not mean they did not try.”

Of course, he knew as much, but there just was no way around it. If this drama would be a success, he’d finally be able to leave this market and branch out. San wanted to be remembered as an actor, not the face of some k-dramas of the early 2020s.

“At least, give her a chance. That would be fair, yeah? If she really is such a poor actress as you seem to want to believe so desperately, then I will not be in your way. But should she show to have actual passion and talent, I’ll be in your way, handsome.”

San just watched as the makeup artist walked out, and he looked in the mirror again. He looked great; that was what they all told him. But sometimes, he felt like the look and the roles he often was given — the cold and rich asshole who only warmed up in the last part of the series —somehow it seemed to start swallowing up the one who was once Choi San, the one who dreamed of walking on international carpets.

Such a silly dream.

“Tsk, she will be thankful. I will be a much kinder way out of this before she wastes all her youth only to learn that she is just one of those many stupid people thinking they wanted to be on a screen.”

You looked in the mirror. This was not how you imagined the first day of recording to go. It was natural not to start with the first episode, but the idea to film a major scene as the very first seemed insane.

At least, for two actors who had never worked together before.

Maybe this was the point? Did damn Choi ask that they do this so they could kick you out because there was no way you could play the dreaded separation of the lead characters as your first time with this man?

The makeup was fantastic. You looked like you had cried for days, but your natural beauty was still there, your hair far too pretty for someone who had run through a rainstorm to speak to the one she loved, begging him not to just leave.

“You are beautiful and stubborn. This is more fire than I have seen in any rookie in a while,” Seonghwa hummed, giving you an encouraging pat on the shoulders. Somehow, you started to wonder if he knew what happened the other day.

“Your makeup is stunning. I will give my best,” you promised and watched him give you a playful wink. Your outfit took another half an hour, and you prayed quietly not to get sick because, unlike San who looked like he just walked out of a magazine, your character was supposed to be soaked in rain water. At least that scene would be shot on another day and location.

As you were positioned, you had to wait for a few minutes before San finally appeared. As it was a tradition in dramas, later on, when the male character softened up, it was shown in his hair being less bothered by products, and you could not deny, if not for knowing how he was, you’d think of him as cute.

“Everyone ready? Good, we are starting in five!” The entire set was moving in one big crowd, and you took a deep breath in, exhaling as you looked up.

It was like you were looking at another man.

San’s eyes were so soft, it almost broke your heart, and you had to remind yourself you were shooting a scene. Fuck, he really was worth that damn money, wasn’t he?

“Summer,” his warm hands cupped your cheeks, and maybe it was good how this surprised you, how different this version of that rude guy was was because it was exactly the way the scene was meant to be.

“You are so foolish. Look at you,” he whispered, his big hand brushed over your cheek, and he looked up and down, taking in your appearance. “To run all the way through the rain, what if you get sick? Silly girl, you always get cold so quickly,” his voice was so soft, you could feel the emotion, the worry he put into every word.

“I am scared,” you whispered when you felt his thumb brush over your chin, and you tried to make sure not to fuck up the pace of the scene.

“You were just going to leave by telling your sister to let me know I’d not have to worry anymore. How am I not to worry? You are gone, it’s worse than what happens if we push on… with this. I need to do this with you. Please…”

You thought about how badly you needed this acting role to work. This was your last chance before you likely really had to give up because you were almost in your mid-20s now, and soon roles would get even tougher without a name and fame.

So you begged, and for a moment, there was something hinted behind his eyes like he was actually touched.

You likely just really were going crazy because of how impressed you were about it. Seeing it in person and working with this was different.

“I’m just trying to keep you safe,” he whispered. The camera was zooming in. You started to cry, just as scripted, grabbing his shirt.

“This isn’t yours alone to decide,” you tried to push more energy in because in theory, you were meant to do just that, give him a desperate shove but San’s weight was shifting forward, making it impossible. You were slender compared to him.

“I am sorry.” he breathed.

And then Choi San acted entirely out of script. You were meant to rest your foreheads together, embraced in a deep hug before the scene would zoom out. Instead, he kissed you. The surprise in your face was anything but fake, how your body just sank against his because the arm around your waist tightened, and the way the set fell utterly silent except for the fake rain.

Oh no, he wouldn’t get you with this!

Your arm finally reached out, curling around his neck, and you kissed him back like your life depended on it.

Because it did.

Maybe all of those feelings did lead to helping with this because you needed him to be accepting of you as much as you hated it.

When the director cheered and everyone clapped because the scene was so much better with this unplanned kiss, you could only hear him whisper.

“Come, see me later. I will leave the address in your dressing room,” he removed himself, smiling and walking off with his stylist. This was the only shared scene for the day. All you could do was stare and wonder.

You cursed when you found yourself touching your lip, the sensation of kissing him still on your lips.

San found himself looking at his own reflection in the mirror. You seemed to be quite weak for his natural hair, which was amusing. Every time he went anywhere, whether for a personal event or a public appearance, people always asked him to style it back. Maybe it was because it gave him that particular mature and handsome vibe they all liked, sparking their imaginations. Yet here he was, keeping it down.

He paid great attention to detail. The suit pants went perfectly with matching shoes, but the tight, long black sleeve shirt accentuated every muscle underneath the fabric, giving plenty to look at.

San made a decision. He was simply going to mold you the way he needed you for this to be a success. After the little shot earlier today, he started to have an idea of how this arrangement might work. He’d still rather have worked with someone he knew, but there were worse options, and he had to admit, there was no denying you were pretty to look at.

The address he invited you to was one of his label’s many seminar apartments, a place for their top actors to work with whatever coach they desired. With you still being no big name in the industry, nobody would pay you any mind for showing up here, and he trusted you enough to be somewhat discreet.

He poured two glasses of an alcohol-free drink and looked at the clock. A small frown appeared; San didn’t like the possibility that you might not show up. Why would you reject a private invitation from him? He looked at his watch again, twenty minutes over the time.

“Don’t tell me she’s still trying to make a point? She really doesn’t understand when it’s just a little better to swallow her foolish pride.”

If he was honest, turned tables, he'd probably have done the same...

As he hissed, there was a small peeping sound coming from the door, he had given you the code to enter. San turned around, his head tilting slowly as he watched you enter the loft.

Your hair was down, flowing over your shoulders, likely to deal with all the water styling for your shoot today. This was the first time he saw you wearing a dress, and it suited you well, especially as the neutral makeup highlighted your natural beauty, complemented with the soft green color of the dress.

He couldn’t deny that the little angry frown on your features was endearing.

“What’s this all about? It’s highly unprofessional for the two lead actors of a drama to meet like this. Yes, I still came because …” you paused, seemingly trying to come up with a good defense, but was there one?

“I … don’t care. I just wanted to tell you that. I do not care if you deem me unfit to be an actress. We get told that all the time. This is harder for us than for you. We aren’t allowed to make mistakes; your type, on the other hand, gets away with most.”

San hummed as he listened to you, picking up the two glasses and offering one to you. “Alcohol-free. Now, why don’t we sit down and chat? I agree with you, it’s unprofessional and risky, but I do it for the success of the show if you want.”

There was confusion on your face when you still accepted the glass and watched San sit down.

“After today, I am willing to admit, I see potential in you, maybe even a hint of talent if polished properly,” he hummed, taking a sip from his drink, and pointing to the couch opposite for you to sit down.

He enjoyed all of your reactions, wondering if you were aware just how expressive you were with them.

“I don’t understand…”

Finally, you started to listen and joined him.

“Your character, Summer, she’s all about being relatable and raw. You can capture this perfectly, and your way of showing emotions — not many actors have that these days. However, you need to learn to control them, for them to come out when you need it, not when they want to.”

It seemed you took a sip from the drink just to deal with your confusion. You swallowed while San placed his glass on the table.

“How do you mean that?”

Now, he had no intention of suddenly being all kind and polite. Truths were there to cut so you learned not to do it again.

“You are like a puppy that learned to roll over and play dead, but you’re still wiggling your tail out of control so everyone knows. You need to learn to use your skill of expressing emotions so openly to your advantage, when you want it, and not because you are reacting to your co-actor. You were almost melting when we kissed.”

Your cheeks took on a dark red shade not even the makeup could hide, and San just grinned almost sweetly at you.

“Do you ever say anything nice?”

“I just did. I told you that you have potential and I invited you here. You asked me to give you a chance, your way, and I am willing. I believe if you learn how to guide your talent a little, we can benefit. The viewers have a much easier time connecting with an actress who seems to feel like that, and I need the good views. I will help you be a bit more in control. In two days, we will shoot the scene that likely will go viral if we do it right and decide if the viewers ship us, our chemistry.”

It was meant to be THE kissing scene, the one they would use for the preview and trailers, to convince everyone of their great chemistry, and their characters were meant to be lovers, not seeming lost and confused unlike in the scene today.

“The kiss was promising today, but in that scene, we will actually have to make sure we capture the chemistry on point. No emotional moment occurred to explain why it would be different I will show you how to do it, so that when we shoot it, all will be quick and easy.”

San finally settled down by your side, and he could see how you just stared at him.

“I ask kindly for your permission so that you do not spit at me again,” he chuckled but leaned in close, ensuring you could feel his breath tickling your skin.

“Y/N, would you let me teach you how to play that scene perfectly, so that people may adore us when the episode airs?”

“Fine.”

He was still rude, but the truth was you had come here hoping that maybe the two of you could find a middle ground. San did not need to madly fall in love with you; all you were asking for was a chance. Yes, you knew what you were doing was a little below the belt, but show business had never been easy.

Besides, he was not forcing you. Here he was, asking, and maybe, in a way, you both depended on it.

San still seemed too pleased, but he was relaxing back, giving you another look: “I take it you have studied the scene already. The benefit of us speaking ahead of the record is we can see to adjust it our way. Take it as advice for the future; you are the actor, and you can act in a way that makes those scenes a little more endurable.”

He reached out and played with a few strands of your hair. Maybe this would be a good idea; if you got comfortable with him, acting in those love scenes you were soon going to film could be easier, and you would no longer have to overthink if he was going to trick you.

“Episode five, after Baek and Summer go to the auction to save his mother’s necklace from being sold off, they return to her place. It’s before he intends to run away, so the atmosphere is playful and sensual. Baek admires her beauty from afar before slowly moving over. He places the necklace around her neck, his finger playing with it, and then he loosens her hair, and they kiss, tongue and biting."

Any time San was surprised, you felt a level of satisfaction that you managed to do just that, but quickly, it turned into a pleased smile.

“That’s exactly it. I see you memorized it. The scene is early on, and if we manage to carry over the chemistry there, the heartbreak later will be efficient. Good for us; your outfit is perfect. You just have to tie up your hair, and we can move over to the door and begin right at the start. It will help us if we play through the entire scene. We go through it, but any time you feel uncomfortable, voice it. We can practice and cheat with the perspective, so the kiss is not too awkward but satisfying to the producers.”

You slowly rose, fixed your dress, and cleared your throat as you tied up your hair loosely while walking over to the door. San was right there, relaxing against the door, grinning at you: “Are you ready, pretty girl?”

Really? You hissed a little: “What’s up with the name? Can people not come up with better insults?”

San hummed, shrugging a little: “Not an insult. You are that, a pretty girl. What’s wrong with it? I mean it, but if you want to strictly keep it professional, think of it as a way to warm up. The characters return from the auction, they managed to reach their goal, and now, in a mood of celebration, a couple all comfortable and confident. We have to get in the mood.”

That was fair, so you grinned: “All right then, hottie. Shall we get going?” He wasn’t annoyed at all, more pleased that you got the point, or so you guessed.

You walked to the door, taking his hand as San seemed to inhale before just falling into the role. It was like there was a switch, leaving his personality behind and becoming his character entirely.

“I can’t believe we really did it, seeing their faces when you just jumped up and then did the final bid the second it was about to end,” San sighed in relief as he turned around and looked at you.

It was silly, you looked at him, and your heart was beating a little; this was the most passion you had worked with yet. Not that the other actors had been poor at their jobs, but it felt more routine, like they just got it done because it was written in the script.

You smirked: “Of course, I told you. Never underestimate my talent! I knew they would not see that one coming, but now it’s done. I am glad we were able to get the necklace back. I know how much it means to you.”

Your arms curled around his neck, and you went on your toes to get closer to his face. San’s eyes wandered all over your face like you were the most beautiful person he had ever encountered.

“That is because you truly are the most amazing person I have ever met, Summer,” he whispered and allowed one of his hands to wander up, placing it very gently underneath your chin. Your gazes locked for some time.

“Stay the night?” you whispered, your tone more playful now. Slowly, you let go of him, turning around playfully, giving him an inviting look as you settled down on the couch. Right, Summer was about to take out her earrings. You did not wear any, but you wore some hair clips, so you gently removed them, placing them on the table.

San was watching you, leaning against a door. The two of you did everything extra slow since shooting a scene meant you did it more than once quite often if the camera needed a different perspective and did not always capture it right away on the first try.

As he moved slowly to you, your gaze lowered a little, and he sat down next to you.

“You are starring, Sir,” you teased. This actually wasn’t part of your dialogue, but somehow, it felt natural. Your character was supposed to be a little all over the place but not shy, at least not in this scene. If San was permitted to add as he wished, why not you?

“What can I do? It’s hard not to look at you,” he smiled softly and reached out, brushing over your chin before his gaze lowered, resting on your neck.

San seemed to think for a moment before he slowly leaned back. The moment when Baek would take out the box with the necklace, your co-star replaced it by unclipping the one he had been wearing underneath his tight long sleeve.

“And maybe that is because seeing you in this really is a dream come true,” he whispered, and as he leaned in, you felt his breath tickling your skin, the scent of a perfume you had never smelled before. He gently placed it around your neck. In the show, this would be some kind of elegant piece, but San had given you something long with a metal tag on the end.

Curiosity was fought back to look at it. Your fingers only touched the cool metal chain around your neck.

“But… this is your mother’s. You should keep it…” you tried to insist, but San moved closer.

“My mom wanted it to be on the neck of my future wife, and while we are both too young to think about it just yet, it is right where it belongs, Y/N,” he was so close now that you naturally leaned slightly closer.

The fact he called you by your name was surprising, and there it was again, the moment he did it on purpose. Was it to teach you the lesson of trying to control your emotions rather than being controlled by them or something else?

“I love you, Y/N,” San said so passionately that you needed to swallow hard. It was good that from this point on, the scene was only meant to be carried by acting and no further words.

His big hand moved and pulled the hairband out, allowing your hair to fall over your shoulder.

“You truly are beautiful, you know?” he breathed, and he was close to kissing you now. The camera was meant to capture the teeth and tongue, just to give the viewers some imagination without breaking what was acceptable for an evening show.

“Is it comfortable like that, or should I move a little?” he asked, and his voice was warm and sincere. What was wrong with the guy? Couldn’t he always be so kind and supportive?

“It’s okay like that, thank you,” you whispered, a little shy. San just smiled and nodded as he leaned in.

Your arm carefully moved to rest on his back, and then you kissed him harder than intended. It started slow and soft, but somehow you felt encouraged to show him that you could do this because you wanted to, and the force you used was a bit stronger than intended. You wanted to play with the camera too, capture the tease without too much. Your teeth bit his lower lip, and you gave him a challenging look, your tongues met in a playful dance.

You had his attention entirely. San was grinning and about to depen the kiss a little further than intended based on script but then the door opened.

The two of you instantly froze, and it was hard to say if it was relief or shame, but it was Seonghwa who stepped inside, looking beyond alarmed.

“What are the two of you doing here?!”

Now that you thought about it… you could imagine what this would look like.

“San?!” Seonghwa was strict, and the way he spoke like that with him made you wince.

You were about to sit up, trying to say something when San stood protectively in front of you.

“This was my idea. I thought it would help her relax since we are shooting this scene in two days. It’s tough, being expected to film this kind of kiss with a person that’s an asshole.”

Seonghwa and you both stared at him, and you wondered why that was. Did San never do this before, or was there something else to it?

The makeup artist sighed, shaking his head: “If anyone would have… never mind. We just got a call, and we have to shoot one of the night scenes tonight, so you have to come with me.”

You cleared your throat, fixing your dress again.

“Yes, you should go. Thank you for guiding me through the scene.”

San was looking at Seonghwa before looking back at you, and somehow, he seemed oddly displeased.

As you started to take the necklace off your neck, he shook his head: “Keep it. Think of it as a poor apology gift for insulting you during the table read. I'm sorry for that. I’ll see you on set tomorrow.”

San stepped out without even giving you a chance to say anything. Seonghwa only offered a small smile before he followed out.

As you were alone, you sighed: “Yeosang will murder me if he finds out about this.”

You played with the necklace and finally remembered the tag. As you turned it around, it was a name that said nothing to you until something came to mind. You pulled out your phone and browsed through San’s filmography.

Right, his first role was playing the son of a very popular actress at that time. He only had two scenes, enlisting into the military to be written off in episode three. The name on this tag was of that character. San just gifted you something from his very first set, likely very special if he bothered to wear and keep it after all those years.

“This guy, can he please decide what his personality is like?”

“Hey, Joong, do you think San has the celebrity sickness?” you asked while standing still, watching what the stylist was trying to decide for you to wear for the preview photos.

It had been a strange month. You had barely filmed with San, or at least it felt that way. Most of your scenes had been with the other cast members first, and only now were they starting to focus more on the actual ones with the romantic interest.

However, ever since that day, San seemed different. He was polite, greeted you, and a few days ago, you could have sworn he even smiled at you when you accidentally spilled cappuccino over the expensive jacket that was a product placement.

The man laughed: “I didn’t take you for somebody who uses such words.” He was obviously amused while holding a few blouses against you, trying to see which one he liked best with your hair color.

“I mean, I did read how some actors have it when they find success and then later look back, realizing they have been little rich monsters.”

Hongjoong had once said he enjoyed that you were still quite uncaring with your words around the staff who were not the ones making big choices, and it likely reflected in this moment as well.

“Little monster, you say? Well, I admit that San has changed over the years. I worked on some previous projects with him, but I wouldn’t say it was fame. You see, San had to work really hard and change quite a bit to get where he is now. He’s not the height producers want, and he used to be a very soft personality. When he was rejected for a really important role after first being announced as the pick, he sat down, bulked up, and changed to the way he is now. I do not think he has celebrity sickness, but show business does change people, not always for the better, especially if you do not have somebody to keep you grounded. You see, his best friend moved abroad after college. He was the one who always balanced him, but these days, San spends a lot of time alone. How do you like this one?”

You had gotten used to going with Hongjoong’s outfit recommendations and Seonghwa’s makeup guidelines. You were about to be a lead actress for the public, and even your social media had to match it.

“I think I like the mint one,” you said, more lost in thought and aware of Hongjoong’s little grin.

“It’s your color. Now, how about we say this set is the most relaxed I have seen him in a while, yes? Anyway, it is getting late, and I know the actors are meant to go out and have barbecue together today. Half of the filming is done now. You work hard and should relax a little. Get some rest tomorrow. In two days, we will take the most beautiful photos.”

The stylist winked and sent you off. All you could do was sigh as you pulled on your thin jacket again. You wore jeans and a blouse gifted by a brand, your hair up in a modern bun, and delicate earrings finishing the look. Underneath, the gifted necklace was hidden. Everyone else was likely already there, and you realized how you were the only one without a car or a driver. Now that filming was going well, there was no reason for Yeosang to be by your side the entire day.

“Need a ride?”

San’s voice made you look up, and for a moment, you thought you might be imagining it. His hair was undone, glasses sat on his nose, and he had a very lazy smile on his lips. The jeans and oversized hoodie with a jacket on top were quite different from the always very styled actor you knew.

“I… would like that, thank you,” you cleared your throat. He nodded and led you to his car, which was parked not too far away. To your surprise, it was also quite on the average side, but then it made sense. If you were famous, you would likely try to keep some privacy.

San waited for you to get in and get comfortable before he started to drive. You were silent until the first red traffic light forced the two of you to stop.

“Do you have celebrity sickness?” you blurted out and did not dare look at him, sinking into your seat when he laughed softly.

“Do you think so?” he asked, and you were relieved to see he was taking this incredibly dumb question with a humor you hadn’t expected. He was tapping against the wheel, and eventually, you dared to peek over. To your surprise, he actually seemed to be thinking about it.

“You were an ass when we first met. Sure, I am not really the super-experienced actress, but it was a bit too strong,” you mumbled.

“Maybe I did. Wooyoung always kept me grounded, but when he moved abroad, I guess I just got so used to showbiz, I forgot what it meant to be me or to show any compassion toward people who likely started acting for the same reason I did: dreaming to play a specific kind of role, a stage, or maybe go somewhere. Then, it takes somebody bold to call it out so you wake up and realize it.”

Your gazes met briefly before his focus returned to the road ahead.

“I did mean it. I am sorry I was like that, but I am thankful you dared to point it out. It won’t make up for it, but I will try to do better now. I actually contacted some of those I worked with to apologize. I don’t really think they will answer me back, but who knows?”

If he really did that, San must have gotten over a lot of pride. Even if you felt sorry, doing something like that was surely not easy.

You drove into the parking lot, and he just leaned back. “I guess you were my cure, Y/N,” he replied with a gentle smile, and the two of you stared. For a moment, it was almost as if he wanted to say or maybe do something, but you just got too nervous, opening the door of the car.

“We should go.” Before he could say anything else, you were out of the car and rushing off.

Everyone seemed surprised to see San so relaxed and wearing such a casual outfit, but there wasn’t much time to think about it. You were seated between some other cast members, and all you could do was glance over at him now and then, noting how he smiled and seemed more at ease.

Hours flew by, and before you noticed, everyone slowly excused themselves. Tomorrow would be your first free day in over a month, and you couldn’t wait to sleep in.

San and you were among the last to leave, and as you stepped outside, the night was much colder than expected. Before you could even joke about it, the weight of a leather jacket rested on your shoulders.

“You shouldn’t get sick,” he mumbled, then suddenly took your hand, walking you back to the car. It was hard to say why you let him; maybe you had gotten used to his spontaneous actions after filming several scenes together that felt quite similar.

The walk to the car suddenly felt long, and he was swinging your arms like some middle schoolers in love. He turned his head to look at you.

“Is this okay with you?” he asked, as if remembering to check in with you. It was sweet and innocent, and he almost looked troubled, fearing you might pull your hand away. You tapped a finger against your cheek, pretending to think about it before laughing.

“I guess. You still have a few weeks before I get so famous you’ll have to hide me,” you joked. Somehow, his expression told you he had thoughts about it, but those likely did not matter. Maybe he would tell you next time.

“I shall make the most out of it then, and for all else, people do love the story of two actors who played love interests admitting they fell in love on set… in theory. So, what if, once filming is wrapped up, you’d go out with me?”

“Somebody is getting bold,” you replied without thinking, cursing yourself for letting your emotions get the better of you. But then, you thought about it. There was no denying that you had grown fond of him, enjoyed working with him, and treasured his little gift. The way he looked at you made you feel certain ways, but you couldn’t say exactly what it was just yet. Not to forget, the rough start.

Then, maybe you needed to be the one now guiding San, to find himself back again.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing where things might go between us.”

That was all he needed to hear. You saw it in the way he looked at you and nodded.

“There won’t be any rush. I think I might reconsider the importance and urgency of my plans for a little while now that I’ve refocused on what really matters.”

San looked up at the cloudy sky; the stars were never visible from here.

You let him be, and the two of you just enjoyed the small walk before you got back in the car. Your apartment was quite close, and soon, he was standing in front of your building.

“Thank you for driving me and, you know, being nice,” you chuckled.

“Thanks for healing me,” he winked, but there was no obvious tease in his voice.

You exhaled as you got out of the car, leaving the door open as you turned around to look at San.

“I will see you the day after tomorrow for the photoshoot. Sleep well.” You flashed him a final smile before stepping back.

“You too, pretty girl,” he answered, his eyes not leaving you even as you closed the door and headed toward your tiny apartment.

But then … You turned around on your heels, walking back to the car, and as if reading your mind, San was opening the window.

You looked at each other playfully as you grinned: “Maybe you would like to come upstairs and have a cup of water, handsome?”

San laughed, turning off the engine. “I like the sound of that.”

#san x reader #san x you #san oneshot #ateez fic #ateez x reader #ateez oneshot #ateez au #ateez writing #choi san x reader #sn tag #mature tag #reis writes

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wordsnstuff · 8 months

Note

Why does screenwriting have such a weird format? I know it's standard for scripts of all kinds, but it's also alien? It almost looks like it's designed for someone to write quickly??

Why are screenplays the way they are?

Screenplays are interesting pieces of writing because while they can read very beautifully, and quality is apparent in some scripts more than others, it is a medium that is extremely purposeful. The script is not the final destination of the idea, and that is what you have to remember. The script is, more than anything, a map. It gives the cast, crew, and producers the necessary information to get a sense of the story so that it can be adapted effectively. Therefore, the quality of a script is judged by a completely different rubrick:

Adaptability: Scripts are naturally going to go through many changes to serve the filmmaking process. Filmmaking is a fundamentally collaborative process so other members of the group must be able to effectively interpret the script well enough to make strategic improvements. Scripts are definitely works of art in their own right, but the design must account for adaptation into a completely different medium and you will not always be the person making executive decisions on how that is to be done.

Clarity: Creative liberty is acceptable in a lot of forms of writing, and style is definitely apparent in a screenwriter's work, but that is primarily to be found in how they practically form the elements of the story, rather than how it is delivered in words. The clearer your meaning and intent in a script, the easier it will be for the other people you're collaborating with to interpret and translate into the next medium. Even if your work is meant to be experimental, abstract, or avant garde, the script is the place where you make sure everyone that is inside of the production understands the point, so that they can help you make sure everyone outside of it is confused in the desired way. Your talent and style can be showcased in the way you demonstrate the particular brand of humor or suspense or drama in the descriptions, dialogue, and dialogue cues.

Efficiency: Format is extremely strict in the industry because it is a collaborative medium that often brings together hundreds of crew members who are all from different backgrounds/experience. The one thing that must remain consistent and reliable is the legibility of the script. The gaffer and the producer alike must be able to pick up the script and find what they need to learn in order to fulfill their role. The format of the script denotes specific crew member's cues in specific places so they know how to find what's expected of them quickly and efficiently. While on larger productions, there's often many directorial positions who are coordinating and communicating with the crew members who handle more detail oriented jobs, that isn't always the case.

My advice, if you're looking to gain experience in writing scripts that are actually meant to be adapted is to practice self-discipline, pragmatism, and distance. Your script won't always belong to you. There isn't the autonomy in screenwriting that you have in prose. Learn the rules of screenwriting, then learn how to enhance them in your own way.

Best of luck,

x Kate

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#writing #writeblr #writespo #writing advice #screenwriting #script #screenplay #qna

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svt-rosalie · 10 months

Text

. . . ♡ MAMA ! ? 🐚 2023 ★ ﾟ๑

ׁ ׅ ୨ ❪ moments! ❫ ୧ ⊹ ࣪

warnings! mentions of anxiety, mentions of a passed family member, woozi and rosie being the cutest couple korea knows, speeches, sucky writing

MAMA 2023 was the award show to see if you are a Rosalie stan! She was nominated in four categories and stole the night, as she should! Rosalie won in all four categories she was nominated in, including; Worldwide Fan Choice, Best Female Artist, Song Of The Year, and Best Music Video.

୭ৎ ࣪ ׅ ROSIE’S BEST MOMENTS !

— rosie is the biggest extrovert and loves talking to the other idols! It causes a big of mayhem for her members but who cares? not rosalie.

— you can see rosalie at some points sneaking over to le sserafim’s seating spot and talking to all of the girls and laughing loudly that you almost hear it in the background

— on the first day when they were late, rosalie kept trying not to laugh at the realization and got caught on the screen and got very embarrassed

— rosalie was dancing to almost every single song preformed especially bouncy by ateez, that’s her ass shaking song come on guys

— she started crying when woozi gave his speech for album of year and had to be consoled by seungcheol. and then cried even harder at wonwoo and seungkwan’s speech wishing only the best for the boys.

— there was multiple times woozi and rosie were caught on screen talking and holding hands during random parts of the award show

— the screams that came afterwards were oscar worthy! yunjin of le sserafim was definitely not one of those screams

— rosalie was able to perform breathe with woozi playing the piano.

— she preformed in a beautiful light blue gown, her sister’s favorite color

— every time rosie won an award the boys were hyping her up so hard and embarrassing her so hard, it was so cute though to see her laugh and playfully scold them

— when rosalie won song of the year, she had jihoon come up as well to give a speech with her

— WOOZI’S SPEECH: “Breathe is a song of comfort. It’s a song that’s suppose to let you know that it’s okay, and that someone cares. This song is for Rosalie, a girl who continues to put on a smile no matter the circumstances! Ever since we met, she never went a day without laughing and trying to make other people feel happy, regardless of how she was feeling. She deserved to know that it was okay to be upset and to need a second to breathe.

I hope people will continue to find comfort in this song and support Rosalie till the end.”

— she definitely didn’t cry when she got home that night remembering his words

୭ৎ ࣪ ׅ ROSIE WINS SONG OF THE YEAR!

Rosalie was in her own world at this point, the award show had been going on for what felt like hours which in her case you can’t blame her. It was just one of those days where she would rather be cuddled up to her animals reading a good romance book rather than sit here, waiting for a event to decide if she or her group we’re good enough for the title of “Album of the Year”. But she was grateful, 2022 and 2023 had been a tough year and she was happy she was even nominated for a category.

Always her worst critic.

Though it was finally time for the ‘Song of the Year’ category, one that she had been anticipating for a while . . . more like the whole award show. Rosalie was nervous and couldn’t help but clutch the person’s hand that was nexts to her, Jihoon.

Rosalie lets out a sigh of relief and her worries subside, for the mean time.

Then the (dreaded) words came from the announcers lips “Samsung Galaxy Song of the Year goes to….”

Rosalie didn’t know what she was stressing about. It was as if her brain couldn’t decide which thing to worry about the most; what if I don’t win, what if I do win and so forget my speech, what if I trip going up the stage, what if?

All of that seemed to fade away when the words “Breathe, Rosalie!”

Rosalie’s eyes widen comically and was captured on the big screen for all the other idols and fans to see (which they found adorable) she covered her mouth in surprise and walked up the stage never letting go of Woozi’s hand. This was just as much his award as it was hers. He wrote the song, he produced it, all Rosalie did was sing it.

Rosie made it center stage, right there for all eyes.

“Ahh, I don’t know what to say! I had a speech for incase I won but I didn’t think I would so i forgot it.” Rosie said pouting. Anyone could tell she was nervous, you didn’t need to be close to her to notice the shakiness in her hands as one held the golden MAMA award and the other holding onto Woozi like a lifeline.

Rosie took a deep breath in and out before continuing, “I never expected to get an award like this and I am so so thankful to CARATs and to everyone who stood by me and supported me and this song. This song is everything to me and I’m so glad it’s getting recognized for what it’s worth.”

Woozi stepped a bit closer to Rosie at this point and held her hand a bit tighter.

“There is one person I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart. . . my little sister who wished for this day with me. We would watch the award shows together when I had first debuted and she dreamed I would win an award like this for her one day.” Rosie looked up trying to avoid letting the tears roll down, and took another deep breath in . . . and out.

“She would say ‘Unnie! Please win a big award so I can brag to all my friends that I have the most popular older sister in the world!’ and at that time, I didn’t think it would be a reality. But here I am!”

The crowd screamed for her as she held up the award, Woozi letting out a chuckle beside her as she did.

“My little Sarang, My forever Valentine — I did it! Aren’t you proud of your most popular awesome sister?” She asked rhetorically looking up the roof of the building. Breathe, in . . . and out. “I’ll be sure to remember this day forever and make more music people can find comfort in it as I did. Thank you!”

taglist — @angie-x3 @alixnsuperstxr @allthings-fandoms

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drinkyourvillainjuice · 3 months

Text

The Process of Flawed Creation

or, making a character that's an allegory for disability

Hello my audience of small readers and big-time writers, this is the Secretary making another character that will appear within the story. This time, it's an Augment! If you haven't noticed one of the themes of Drink Your Villain Juice, it's that the superpowered characters (Flares, Genomes, Augments) can all be loosely tied to the struggle of disability (psychological, developmental, and physical respectively). Key word: loosely. But again, death of the author or whatever. I'm a communist so I support it - but I digress!

Let's make an Augment!

The background:

I need to make a character for a specific group with access to the biotechnology used to make superpowered individuals. Well, not Coven. They don't really count. Another group! They will appear in an upcoming chapter, and while they won't have any fun little things going on, we like to shape our one-off villains that may appear later with actual intent. If they appear again, we can showcase how it all ties together. If not, it just means they're swag.

Anyways, it's an Augment! Why? The group has money and access to disabled and maimed people, and they have little morals to inflict mutilations onto a group of desperate people.

Does that remind you of anything?

The base concept:

Since Augments can easily be tied to (physical) disability themes, and since we had a response on the form that made me think about it, it gave me a couple of ideas.

I was thinking maybe a blue-collar worker with a workplace injury. Maybe an electrician who got shocked because of the lack of workplace safety, or maybe a garbage trucker (term?) who found themselves trapped in the gear of a machine. For a little bit, I thought about it, and the electrician might be more interesting, and tie to an idea I had for a while. So there's a couple of things I want to have in this character:

Physical trauma turning external: I think the character needs to have some sort of physical trauma that they can use on others. The concept of electricity, receiving nerve damage, and having an augmentation that lets you do something similar seems to land on the correct line of thinking. The concept of reenacting their own trauma to avoid suffering from their own is also a swaggy theme!

Low-income wage worker: Even with the augments and with who they are working for, they aren't making that much money. They might have a uniform they have to wear, but they aren't in any sort of way part of the management class - which are not augments themselves.

Trading a disability for another one: If you are disabled, you probably know what I mean by this. Many disabled people, myself included, need to make this sort of trade. Do I take this medication that will give extreme fatigue to avoid these symptoms? In this case, it would be losing their nerve damage at the cost of having it entirely replaced with biomechanical wires within their own body, meaning they need to constantly upkeep it and if they ran out of money or contacts, they will not be able to continue to live.

With these three things in mind, I got a concept for an appearance, and a couple of things I could tie all together into a pretty character that might make someone interested in knowing more about them.

The physical manifestation of his psyche, and what it means to be him:

The Augment appears to be someone who used to be fit, but now struggles with standing upright without help of a cane. They walk in such of a way that is sturdy but also clearly controlled to avoid losing face in front of others. Their body has scars but also slits that are confused as scars for the untrained audience. They are around specific articulations: wrists, elbows, neck, and mostly likely underneath his suit that desperately needs to be dry cleaned. His face is covered with a domino mask with wiring dripping down on his chin and with more wires disappearing into his hair. Someone with a keen eye would realize that they are coming out of his neck where his head meets - but that probably means you got too close to him.

His shoes are the biggest tell that he isn't the richest. They are crusty and broken, with holes visible. The uniform was given to him - but everything else he had to supplies. With a closer look, his gloves are also run down by the way the leather seems to have been cracked over and over again from usage.

Tying it all together with a knot:

I don't think he has a Mask name. He might just be called something like Mr. White, which I guess in a way is a Mask name. But he is less a supervillain or a superhero, and more a henchman who is indebted through his power. Mr. White used to be an electrician, and through a workplace accident, burnt his nerves into numbness and lost of mobility. Someone somewhere with the knowledge that Mr. White didn't have any real healthcare, provided him with a solution: work for us and we fix your body. How can someone refuse that? He has children, a spouse, maybe even a mortgage (don't be silly, blue-collar workers don't get those! but imagine!) With his body twisted with his acquired disability, what other options does he have?

Damaged nerves are scooped out and replaced with a biomechanical system of wires, built on top of the healthy remaining nerves. In a roundabout way, this creates a trap: even if he were to stop working for them, who would upkeep his body? The wires might be rejected, leaving him in a worse state than before, and now who would really do anything to help his situation.

His Augments gave him mobility and sensations again, and while it's not perfect, Mr. White gained back a sense of normalcy. Though his Augments gave him a series of tricks: he can expel his nervous system to fry technology, give a nasty electroshock, or even move himself around in a pinch. It comes at the cost that every time he does so, he needs more upkeep, and every time he needs more upkeep, he starts to realize how deeply entrenched he is in this organization. He has lost some of his friends here, someone with a heart that could enlarge and give them more stamina (until it bursted and they bled out) and another that is now permanently bedbound with all of her limbs ran down until they were nubs with nobody really interested in fixing them.

At this point, the best he can do is make sure his loved ones are prepared to take care of him - or move on once it's too late.

His place as a henchman:

Obviously, he plays carefully. He has seen people like him be reckless or unlucky, and die from overusing their Augments. He doesn't want to be like that, but he has an organization that wants him to make these mistakes to trap him further into their maw. He plays carefully, makes himself useful in ways that don't use his Augments, and saves up money, and plans.

He doesn't need to be the best if someone else is, and if someone else is, who cares if he doesn't his nervous system to fry someone's eyes out.

Him being careful comes at a cost, though. People are noticing it. He needs to be a bit more reckless, a bit more proactive. He figures that if he uses his powers at least once per encounter or once, he loses some of that heat from his supervisors. And then, he chooses that if he throws someone else under the bus... then nobody bothers to look at him.

If someone on the field is saying that someone else is not doing their job, they are way more useful than a dead or useless body.

Final notes:

Class traitor much?

#character design #drink your villain juice #interactive fiction

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merakiui · 2 years

Note

APOCALYPSE IDIA N AZUL W BREEDIN KINK I- *dies*

—Eel anon

YES YES YES filthy men who have never felt the touch of another? sounds like another normal day for Idia and Azul.

(cw: yandere, female reader, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, breeding/pregnancy mentions, apocalypse logic, misogyny)

Since they are both in charge of their respective compounds, they get first pick of the women kept for reproduction. Most compounds call them brides or wives (depending on what sounds prettiest) because simply referring to them as incubators or heifers doesn’t sound very appealing (at least to Azul and some of the other compound leaders. Idia will gladly call you his heifer wifey because it appeals to his erotic fantasies). Among the brides who are kept healthy, clean, well-fed, and properly prepped for the sake of breeding is you, whose only other purpose is to occasionally look after the children who already exist within the compound. You’d thought you’d never be chosen by anyone and that you might be able to exist quietly in the background while those around you were singled out, whisked away by their new “husband(s),” so you’re definitely shocked when you’re chosen by the leader of your compound.

It’s a very big deal. Unlike past selections, all of which were carried out rather simply, this is a grand ordeal. Every eligible bride is washed with the nicest of soaps only brought out for this occasion, dressed in traditional wedding attire (the styles vary by compound. Octavinelle’s is always sea-themed; you’ll look and feel like a mermaid princess the way they dress you in pretty, shiny shells and pearls and beads. Ignihyde’s dresses are usually very pure, unblemished white, and most of the brides hold bouquets of pomegranate flowers and wear jewelry in shades of crimson or sapphire).

In Ignihyde, you’re situated in a line (almost like a suspect lineup) and each bride is given a chance to sell herself with a very short pitch (almost like an elevator speech) that’s commonly referred to as a vow. You’re essentially expected to verbalize all of these promises to your potential suitor—how you’ll give him lots of children, how you’ll be obedient, how you’ll marry him, how you’ll please him, and so on. Idia doesn’t really spare much of a lingering glance at any of the brides as he walks down the line, separated from all of them via a glass window that stretches quite wide, while listening to each speech. He looks very disinterested, as if he’d rather do anything else than stand here, and he’s accompanied by Ortho (most likely for moral support). He waves at each bride as he goes; you’re the only one who returns his wave, and this has Idia raising a brow. His strides halt and he faces the glass more deliberately now, clearly waiting for your turn.

You do a poor job selling yourself—not because you’re scared (though it is quite intimidating to know that the compound leader has come all this way to pick through a selection curated specifically for him), but because you don’t have much faith in yourself. And that’s okay because it means you can continue living within the compound, never having to worry about pregnancy until the day you’re picked—if you’re ever picked.

But Idia, who doesn’t even give the remaining few brides the opportunity to speak, points at you through the glass and your heart rises and falls all at once. Ortho claps, obviously happy for his brother but not truly knowing the extent of what’s about to happen to you, and you don’t have any time to protest as STYX robots lead you away from the group, who will all go back to the dormitories and will most likely try again the next time a selection occurs. You struggle, but it’s a foolish rebellion because you can’t fight robots. Your bouquet falls in the struggle, which Idia retrieves for himself, running his fingers over the petals. Pomegranates are a specialty in the Ignihyde compound, grown solely for purposes you’ve never really cared to understand.

You won’t be married to Idia right away. If he likes you enough, then you’ll be standing at an altar. If not, your only purpose is to spend enough nights with him until you’re properly bred. Then you’ll be kept in a ward in the hospital-research lab and looked after by nurses or a doctor. Idia will never visit you. That’s typically how it works in the compound. The “husbands” never visit their “wives” after a pregnancy is announced, unless they decide to get married. But this is different. Idia spends two days with you and decides, almost rashly, that he’ll have you as his bride. You’re not sure why because there is no real connection or chemistry between the two of you at all. Idia is handsome, in an ethereal way, but the moment he opens his mouth any likable qualities he might’ve had vanish.

But you have no choice in this matter, certainly not when Idia’s the compound leader and you’re but a humble bride who has no true status here.

In Octavinelle, the tradition is a little different. Each bride is dressed to resemble a mermaid and each is presented in life-size clamshells that open up to reveal each of them, one by one, almost like pearls. For this reason, the brides are usually referred to as pearls. It sounds pretty and elegant, very sweet and innocent, but it’s all an elaborate presentation meant to appeal to the compound leader and his extravagant tastes—or about as extravagant as you can get during an apocalypse. Rather than selling yourself with a few vows like in Ignihyde, you’re meant to sing. You’ve never understood why they trained you vocally, but now you know as you hear each eligible bride sing one at a time. Azul stands before everyone, his arms folded behind his back, while Jade takes notes at his side. There’s something unnerving about being watched and analyzed like this, as if he’s merely choosing from various desserts rather than the brides who will bear his children.

He’s mostly indifferent until he reaches you, and something flashes in his stare. It repulses you how he seems to perk up ever so slightly like a predator readying to pounce. You’ve never met the compound leader before, but you’ve heard that, as welcoming and benevolent as he may appear, he’s not to be trusted. And with the way he leans over to whisper something to Jade, who nods and scribbles in his notes, you think he’s definitely worth avoiding. The rest of the candidates sing their verses and the entire thing ends like that. Azul doesn’t make an immediate choice. Most likely, he’ll review the notes Jade has compiled and he will sift through each before making a choice. You suspect he’ll be presented with medical records and profiles to influence his decision—things like whether a specific bride is a virgin or not and if there are any health complications to take into consideration.

It’s Jade who arrives to your dormitory, polite and gentlemanly as ever. The room seems to freeze when he steps inside after a series of gentle knocks, and everyone stares at him when he announces he’s here to retrieve you. It’s been a few days, but even then the selection ceremony hasn’t left your memory. There could be only one reason why Azul’s secretary would be here, and you’re dreading every second of the walk with Jade, who is very good at evading your questions. He smiles at you, as if a smile is enough of a response, and tells you that everything will be answered in due time. You want to punch him, but violence against authority figures is strictly prohibited. And you don’t want to end up like the last unfortunate soul who was thrown into the sea for violently lashing out at the compound leader.

Azul greets you so warmly, taking your hands in his and guiding you into his office. Jade and his twin stand behind him, flanking him like attentive guards, and you’re immediately cowed into submission. Azul offers to wave them away, which he does when you nod your gratitude, and so now it’s just you and him in this nice, organized office. He slides a parchment across the desk—a contract, one that stipulates that you agree to have his children and carry out all of the duties of a mother. In return, you’ll be given your own private room and nicer meals, no longer confined in a cramped dormitory with too many roommates. If there’s anything else you’d like, you need only ask and he’ll add it to the terms. You think you might have a choice and you’re ready to disagree, but somehow you leave his office having signed his contract.

Azul also won’t seek marriage with you immediately. In the beginning, he only sees you as what you are: a bride meant to be used for reproduction. But oh everything about you has him addicted and enticed and so overwhelmed with love the longer he spends getting to know you. That’s what he does before any bedroom activities. He genuinely makes an effort to get to know you so he’ll know what he’s working with. By the end of your first night spent in bed with him, he’s hooked. He’s going to marry you, but first he has to get you pregnant. It’ll be easier to trap you in a contract when you’re so focused on the pregnancy and not on the sly wording in his writing. And if all else fails and you do attempt to debate him and his slimy deals, the twins can always...lightly persuade you.

#twisted chit chat #yandere twst #twst apocalypse au #eel anon #tw: breeding #tw: pregnancy #tw: misogyny #jade is also methodical about selecting a bride #but floyd sees you and he just knows so he chooses right away and rolls with it

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non-un-topo · 11 months

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I think we need to talk more about the nuance of transition.

Specifically, the diversity of transition and the ways in which a person's gender and presentation can fluctuate and never reach an "end."

The first time I tried to get on T, I second-guessed and disappeared. Didn't answer calls from doctors, didn't reach out. I had seen an openly trans psychotherapist a few times as he was guiding me through the steps to accessing hormones. When he asked me when I started to feel "this way" about my gender, I answered that it had been fairly recent, maybe a few years. His response was that that was strange, because "most people figure it out when they hit puberty." Well, that shut me up and I haven't spoken to a therapist about transition since. It's clear to me now that he was approaching transness from a medical background. The medical model of course has not been a favourite of the trans community, myself included. It conceptualizes transness in terms of deficit, self-hatred, misery, and it envisions transition as an end.

This idea of end, of the reached destination, terrified me at twenty-three and it terrifies me now. How are twenty-three year olds, middle-schoolers, or kids approaching puberty, supposed to be able to envision their end, and to argue their case with such certainty if they want access to methods of transition? Where is the elbow room for change, evolution, and discovery, and even "mistakes"?

Many trans individuals, some colleagues of my own included, say they have always known who they are and what their gender is. This is the dominant trans narrative for a reason. I don't mean to discredit their words and their stories. It is not anyone's business to tell another person who they are or are not, and above all we should all continue to advocate for the voices of trans kids to be heard and honoured.

The philosophy of discovering who you "truly" are, of "finding" yourself, even of "cracking your egg" is starting to sound heavily Western and neoliberal. There is rarely a conversation about how our identities are changed by others, our environments, or by ourselves. Instead the dominant conversation around transition is centred in finding the true self. I criticize this philosophy because of its limitation. It is an end.

I recently joined a support group, and in the first meeting I attended my colleagues talked about finding their names, and about bridges. They shared stories of their own name decision-making processes, and how they used "temporary" new names as placeholders for their true names. A "bridge," they called it. I loved this sentiment. It spoke to the idea that gender and identity are more fluid than we are taught to believe, and I of course did this temporary name thing, too. But still with all of my colleagues there was this idea of truth, of finality.

I criticize it because it is another barrier of access to transition. People seeking means for medical transition are expected to be one-hundred percent, without-a-doubt-sure of their gender identity and of their future decisions regarding transition. It's starting to sound like a way to gatekeep transition, to bar access from those who are not "trans enough" because they do not fit the medical model's description. We know this. We've had these conversations before.

If we keep thinking about transness only in terms of the true self, the cracked egg, then we leave little room for those who are curious, for those who simply want to be creative with their identities, cisgender people included.

In writing this, I had to really fight the urge to go back and outline all the "clues" in my childhood that point towards my transness. I fought this because that is exactly what we as trans (genderqueer, genderfluid, trans* etc) people are supposed to do if we want to be believed. As if the only way to legitimize transness is to have "all the signs" in early childhood, as if transness is some chronic disease. Don't get me wrong --- this remembering and legitimizing works for some people, myself included. It is the way we know how to learn about ourselves. And at the same time, it is a key part of the transmedicalist approach.

We should not have to explain our histories and be certain of our futures to be believed and to have access to care.

It's an abusive relationship dynamic between the trans individual and institutions --- the desperation to explain ourselves in detail, explain our histories and our possible futures, so the institutions might allow us access to methods of transition.

The sooner we explore more possibilities beyond the idea that transness and transition are the final self, that transness is some chronic and fatal condition diagnosable from self-hatred cues in childhood, the sooner we can remove barriers of access to trans kids, and invite more people into the excitement, creativity, and nuance of trans experiences.

#transgender #terfs dni #this is going to get no notes but that's ok because i don't like interacting with people sdfgfds #i've been so revved up lately i'm genuinely considering making a blog where i talk about gender and stuff. any interest?#tumblr might be dying so let's air out our philosophies and feelings while we can #abuse mention #abuse tw

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taiyaki-translations · 5 months

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Murmurs of Flourishing Blossoms - 3

Season: Winter Characters: Kaoru, Mika, Tatsumi, Midori, Izumi, Leo, Shu Translator: taiyaki-translations

Midori: Things are finally back to normal… I’m glad Anzu-san was there to support me. Otherwise, I would have already died…

Mika: Sorry, this was all ‘cause I was bein’ an idiot. I don’t even know how I ended up leavin’ the group~

Izumi: Hah, this guy’s the real idiot. Running off without a smartphone and getting himself lost, I don’t know how he even managed it.

Leo: What~ Everyone found us in the end, didn't they!? Idiot, idiot, Sena’s the idiot!

Kaoru: Haha, everyone must be hungry, right? Let’s hurry up and meet with Itsuki-kun.

Hm? The person sitting across from Itsuki-kun… Isn’t that the client? Oh, it looks like they’re having a great time talking.

Mika: Ngah?! Oshi-san knew the client from before?

Shu: Honestly, I should be the one who’s surprised, Kagehira. Aside from the fact that you suddenly came here, I can’t believe a photographer I met in Paris brought in ES idols from Japan.

It’s true that many photographers prefer models with the same cultural background as themselves because it’s easier to understand each other, but this is too much of a coincidence.

Tatsumi: Actually, I was curious about what happened when the client met Kaoru-san. I heard it was an interesting story?

Kaoru: Huh? Didn’t Anzu-chan tell you?

You didn’t tell anyone because I was also involved and you didn't know if I was okay with everyone hearing about it?

Haha, you’re always thinking of the idols first. Then I’ll share that story with everyone now ♪

So, one night, not long after Christmas…

Kaoru: Oh, they haven’t removed the Christmas decorations yet. I wasn’t able to spend Christmas with Anzu-chan this year, but at least we are able to enjoy the snowy scenery together.

“If you hadn’t accompanied me home, I might not have seen such a beautiful night view, so thank you”? You’re busy preparing for StarFes, there’s no need to thank me.

They’ll probably redecorate this place for New Year’s soon. Actually, I prefer Christmas to New Year’s…

I ended up spending this Christmas at Starmony Dorms with everyone. There was a Christmas party where everyone exchanged gifts, and Hibiki-kun prepared a huge, beautiful Christmas tree that was pretty impressive ♪ (1)

Anzu-chan has been busy with SS Committee work, so I was hoping you could take some time off during Christmas, but as soon as it passed, you went right back to work. As expected of you~

Still, I have to nag you at least a little bit. No matter how busy you are at the end of the year, it’s not safe to work this late?

(Come to think of it, the temperature is lower than during the day. Anzu-chan is a girl, so she must be more afraid of the cold…?)

Looks like it's gotten cold all of a sudden. Anzu-chan, please sit on this bench and rest for a while. I’ll buy a warm drink from the vending machine over there—

Hey, I’m back~ You didn’t wait long, did you?

Here you go, hot chocolate. If you don’t want to drink it, use it to warm up your hands.

Kaoru: Girls are beautiful flowers that must be looked after carefully. Anzu-chan, take care of yourself too ♪

“Do you remember when we first met?” At that time, I said to Anzu-chan, “a beautiful flower has bloomed in Yumenosaki Academy”…? Haha, now that I think about it, I feel embarrassed. (2)

Oh, it suddenly started snowing. I’m glad we both brought umbrellas. Let’s head back quickly.

(Really, why am I tongue-tied all of a sudden? I was definitely able to talk properly earlier…!)

(Is it because we are done discussing work? I need to stay alert and respond properly~ Should we continue talking about the past? If I think about the details, I might be able to shift my focus.)

Huh? “Do you think this will be the last snow of the year”? Ah, time really flies. A whole year has passed in the blink of an eye.

A lot has happened this year. Last year around this time, I hadn’t even graduated from Yumenosaki yet, but now Anzu-chan is close to graduation.

I remember last year’s StarFes MV was being filmed at a restaurant near the school. Anzu-chan even dragged Rei-kun’s coffin over, right? (3)

“It’s actually quite a useful means of transportation”? Haha, that’s why you brought Ritsu-kun to the site in that coffin too when we were filming at the ice rink? ♪ (4)

But next time something like that happens, ask us for help—

Uwah, who’s this person that suddenly popped out? That surprised me~

Huh? You want me… to be your model?

Kaoru: That’s roughly how it happened. To be honest, both Anzu-chan and I were surprised at the time~

Tatsumi: I see. After that, the client found out that Anzu-san is a producer and asked her to recommend some other idols, so Mika-san, Midori-san and I were also invited.

I’m really happy that the producer thought of us when she was told to find idols who have a “gentle and soft” image ♪

Mika: Nnah, how did Oshi-san get to know this photographer?

Shu: As you may have suspected, this photographer is an impatient person who doesn’t make plans and just does whatever that comes to their mind. Well, I can’t say it’s a bad trait for an artist, but—

Leo: That’s right, that’s right! You have to catch the inspiration when it comes! Wahaha, Shu knows me well ☆

Shu: Hm, I didn’t mean to praise you.

Anyway, isn’t there a big exhibition opening in Paris? They asked to take your pictures for that exhibition.

Of course, I also didn’t want to miss this opportunity to showcase my own works. However, they already made a reservation for the exhibition hall that I had my eye on, so we coordinated the use of the space and gradually became friends.

After choosing you as their models, they said they would hold their exhibition in the rose garden, and gave me the space they had reserved. I offered to help make the costumes so as not to be indebted to them.

Mika: Eh?! Oshi-san is helpin’ us make our costumes?

I’m so excited…! I’m really looking forward t’ collaboratin’ with Oshi-san…!

Translation Notes: 1. Referring to the story HOT WINTER. 2. From Kaoru's Sub Story 1 3. Referring to the story Holiday Party. 4. Referring to the story Dance on Ice.

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#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #kaoru hakaze #mika kagehira #tatsumi kazehaya #midori takamine #shu itsuki #leo tsukinaga #izumi sena #murmurs of flourishing blossoms

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noeou · 2 years

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⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ CUBICLE 143.

a 300 follower event. it's expected to fall in love during your highschool years, but what happens when you get your act together first? ( or, noelle is a sucker for office romance. )

sincerely noe ,⠀thank all so much for 300 followers and continuing to support me! i genuinely appreciate every single one of you and again, it means the world and more to me that you're even reading this. please enjoy this mini series and let me know your headcannons or thoughts about it if you want!

(if you have any requests based off these, go ahead! like i said, im excited to hear your thoughts.)

a way with words. : wip ★ heartslabyul!

(law au) if your time with heartslabyul as inspired you to do anything, it was to enter the twisted justice system it holds. so many years in the future, the last thing you expect was a greeting from your former peers.

your reflection. ☆ savanaclaw!

(modern royalty au) perhaps the work ethic of ruggie and prestige of leona have rubbed off on you. staying with jack after graduation and going to college, you finally make your comeback. maybe you could get use to the royal background.

a business tactic. ★ octavinelle!

(company au) you were lucky to have the connections you did in a world you knew nothing about. you pretty much had an occupation secured, you'd work under azul alongside the twins. you can check off the classmate status, coworker status— possibly more?

a golden heart. ☆ scarabia!

(medical au) even going back to your time in your world, being in the medical field was your dream. apparently jamil shared that, seeing your joint efforts to achieve your dreams kalim decides to follow despite the future previous set out for him. will you three truly be able to stand the test of time?

stage lights. ★ pomefiore!

(fame au) it wasn't apart of your plan to work as closely with celebrities as you did, but you must make do. whether you choose to work on stage or behind it, the stars have no plan of letting you go anytime soon.

public relations. ☆ ignihyde!

(social media au) you started as a guest on one of idia's streams and the audience loved you. taking advantage of that, on the chance you may never return to your world, you launched your online career. it's been some time, maybe you'll finally confirm that the dating rumors are true.

how to be a princess. ★ diasomnia!

(historical researcher au) ironically enough, you research the same stories malleus used to bore you with for a living. so many bittersweet memories would return to you at work; sweet cause of your once closeness to the group and bitter knowing you’ll most likely never see them again in this lifetime. little did you know, head researcher had plans send you to briar valley to do a deep dive into it’s royalty.

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst imagines #twst headcanons #twst fluff #twst scenarios #twst wonderland #jamil x reader #leona x reader #riddle x reader #azul x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #malleus x reader #twst #disney twst

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cowboyjen68 · 2 years

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Hi Jen,

As a queer person in my 20’s I had been feeling like LGBT+ acceptance was growing through my lifetime, and that things would continue to get better, but the way hateful/violent homophobic and transphobic rhetoric have become so politically mainstream again in such a short time is extremely frightening. I’m sure it concerns you too so if you need to ignore this ask for peace of mind, I understand. But if you can talk about it, do you think there’s hope? How does it look from your perspective as someone who lived through harder times? I feel like LGBT+ support is so much more broad now, and we’re more visible in popular culture and even some public offices that it can all only be rolled back so far, but I’m truly scared. Thanks, and be well.

I again apologize for the delay and this answer comes at a weird time since the Club Q shooting is less than a week ago.

I honestly am not sure my generation experienced harder times in some ways. Just different ways. We didn't have much legal protection such as the right to same sex marriage or civil rights to housing or employment. Many states had laws making homosexuality illegal although the laws punished "acts" more than the actual same sex attraction which was just a sneaky way to keep us in line.

The laws are not in as much danger as the right and left want us to think. But when we are panicked they make more money. Not that there aren't reasons to be concerned and we certainly don't want to sit back on our laurels and think there is no threat. From experience the far edges of the political extremes are working very hard to convince us all that no one can possibly come together on anything and the divide is so great there is nothing in the middle. MOST of us fall in the middle because we are just trying to keep our family safe and fed and pay our bills without the governement in our bedroom.

Now it is not so much about fighting laws on the books but about keeping shitty laws from being added. Similar shit, different times.

This next part is from my experience and STRICTLY my opinion since I am not a political analyst nor a professional activist A little of my background: I was very active in the AIDs ACT Up movement, in producing Prides and other events locally AND In organizing trips of local LGBT people to attend larger events like Stonewall 25 and the early 1990's March on Washington. I also have consistently created small lesbian gatherings and enouraged lesbians to form intergenerational friend and mentor groups either privately or at existing festvials and venues. I was in Stonewall Democrats (a delegate for Obama) and the Affirmitive Action Chair for my County Dems for many years. I have been around the activism and political block a few times.

I can’t see the future but I can assure you we have see rough times as a community and will continue to see them but we always seem to get our shit together enough to focus energy and effort on making change. Life and politics are a cycle and history shows that. Nothing is ever a guarantee for all times. All of us live in a world where rights are always subject to threat. That is just reality. My best advice is do what you can with where you are and what you are able. We can’t all lead big protests and we can’t even all vote (age, previous felonies, mobility etc) but we all can do something.

What brings me the most joy, fulfillment and happiness is strengthening connections with lesbians and gathering to share stores, experience and knowledge, whether that means life skills or how we over came obstacles. It feels right to have those conversations and to understand younger generations and their concerns AND to be able to share what worked. I have been exposed to a very particular legacy of lesbian communicaiton and organizing. And what I was taught has helped me in so many ways.

Find what you are most passionate about and put your focus and energy into that. We can’t all change the world but we can ceate small pockets in our lives and those of others where we feel happy and welcomed and understood. And sometimes those groups end up working on change together which can be a very powerful force.

#political climate #lgbt #organzing

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steveharrington · 2 years

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with the full knowledge that they probably won’t get the best endings bc the duffers don’t know what to do with their own characters, what would your ideal endings be for the st main characters? or like at least the ones you care about? like in an ideal world

this is so fun i’m gonna do as many as i can think of <3 i don’t think the duffers are gonna do a Huge time jump at the end of the series (i could b wrong) so i’m just gonna base these on like roughly anytime in the next year after s4

steve: ideally steve would not be in a romantic relationship and completely satisfied with this outcome. i’m not saying he should like Never get his little domestic dream but i think he needs some time to focus on himself instead of constantly weighing his self worth based on whether or not he’s romantically valued. i also think it would be nice if he found something that gave him fulfillment whether it be a specific job or hobby or even just like continuing to be best friends forever with robin <3

robin: i wouldn’t mind if she ended up with vickie because i genuinely like the way their relationship has been set up, but if she was single by the end too i’d be okay with that. mostly i want robin to get out of hawkins and meet other gay people and find a community where she doesn’t feel like an outsider. maybe make some weird art. and to continue being best friends forever with steve <3

nancy: i’m begging on my hands and knees for nancy to end the show single. i think she gravitates towards relationships because they feel safe to her, but she’s ultimately unsatisfied because she has goals and aspirations that don’t necessarily fit with steve/jonathan and i think she needs to just focus on herself without having to factor someone else into the equation. i think she should go to school for journalism, maybe start some kinda nonprofit, and help barb’s parents get their house back after murray SCAMMED their asses

jonathan: honestly i just want jonathan to have like….someone who acts as a consistent emotional support. doesn’t matter who it can be argyle it can be nancy in a platonic sense i just want him to be given the space to express his feelings without them always taking a backseat to someone else. i think a fun career for him would be music journalism

argyle: we don’t know shit about his personal life or his background but i just want him to be able to return to his life pre-vecna without too much trauma <3 like obv i want that for everyone but argyle especially is so happy go lucky and it would be so sad if he lost his vibes

max: god please i just want her to be happy and have peace. i want her to stay with lucas, romantically or platonically idrc i just want them to be Together in some sense and i want her to feel safe and happy that’s all i ask

lucas: same as above AND i want lucas to get to fully explore his identity with actual genuine support from his friends. i can see him going through high school trying a little bit of every club and hobby and group and i want him to just like grow into himself and have the freedom to do that <3

dustin: again happiness and safety PLEASE also idk how to explain this but i want dustin to like…lower his guard. i feel like in s1 & 2 he was much more trusting and had more faith in people vs s3 & 4 where he’s just constantly assuming that his friends are like incapable of doing anything? i know it’s just bad writing for bad jokes but i’m choosing to believe it’s his defense mechanism and his way of dealing with trauma by being like “well luckily i’m a genius and i’ll fix everything >:)” and i want him to like let go of that and be more carefree again

el: again this applies to all of them but for el especially i want her to have stability and to feel safe. i want her to get the family and home she craves so badly with joyce and hopper and jonathan and will, and i want her to get to try things out and shape an identity kinda like lucas. i want her to have a little bedroom where she can try out new hobbies and not have to worry about packing up because someone died again

mike: honestly this is the toughest for me to envision and i don’t really know why? like obv i want him to be happy feel safe etc but i can’t think of anything like Concrete for mike’s ending that i absolutely want to see. maybe just permanently reunited with his friends idk

will: i want willy b to feel comfortable and find joy in being gay and also come out to joyce <3 and maybe hopper <3 idk i want will’s story to go back to his family, the way it started, and for him to realize that he’s still very young and mike’s feelings don’t have to determine his personal happiness and i feel like the best way for him to reach this conclusion is just by knowing that his mom and brother will always have his back

erica: ugh god i want her to like finish middle school unscathed 😭 the writers ignore her feelings so much so it would be nice if for Once they let her acknowledge what she’s been through maybe via a conversation with lucas. idk why but out of all the characters i can really See erica getting therapy skdndnc like i think she’d enjoy it <3

joyce: lord idk i want joyce to somehow know with certainty that everything is Over and that she doesn’t have to be on alert anymore. that’s probably not plausible given the nature of the story and the fact that she’s naturally always going to look over her shoulder BUT i would be ecstatic if the ending somehow gave her this 100% surety that it was officially over

hopper: i just fucking want him to be el’s dad man <3 i want him to take her fishing and get her a pet cat and help her with homework at the table and do a bad job wrapping presents on her birthday like i just want him to live out the rest of his life with his #1 priority always being el <3

murray: in jail for scamming the hollands out of their house

#this is longggg sorry i have a lot of thoughts #i don’t Think i forgot anyone but it’s late and i kept getting distracted while writing this so i may have #answered #anon #long post

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thenopequeen · 9 months

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okay I am going to go on the rant, although this might not be 100% what I said eairiler IRL because there are some things that are only able to be communicated via hand gesters and stutters.

Also I am aware I sound very Red String on Cork Board. I am open to taking criticism. um but gentle if possible.

So to start, let's look at the actual role given to Racer (I will be using either Race or Racer as it's a bit easier to type out and are the names used to refer to him in the broadway musical which is what I'm most familiar with.). Oh and when coming to anything specific I will be referring to the recorded 2017 version because that's the one I've got a link to so I can watch it while reading fanfics or drawing (/srs. i do do this)

Race is listed as a background/ensemble character in any source I can find (although I could be missing some). however, his actions/overall role in the story are more comparable to Crutchie, who is listed as a supporting character.

This is heavy evidence for placing him as a supporting character, however what makes it interesting is that Racer almost seems to be favored over the other background characters.

About 50% of his dialogue could be given to another character and it literally would not impact the plot much, unlike the other supporting characters, who are unthinkable to replace in anyway shape or form.

If we're continuing comparing Race to Crutchie, which I will because they share the most similarities role-wise, those two are the ones with the most prominent solo lines. Racer has several from multiple songs (King of New York, Carrying the Banner, and Once and For All include at least one solo line that could technically be given to literally anybody else), and Crutchie has a few solo lines and a song to himself. Actually if you remove the tap section, King of New York could be potentially read as the closest thing we get to a 'side' character having a song. Literally all the other songs are group focused when it comes to singing, or are done by main/supporting/antagonistic characters. Racer carries King of New York, setting a wonderful tone with the conversation just before the song starts, as well as his very over the top energy that is present through out the entire song. Okay I also have a soft spot for the song because it was the first song I ever did a tap dance too last year (nowhere near as impressive as the show but it was cool)

Racer also is in at least TWO scenes where he doesn't technically need to be there. First off, the one where it's easier to explain: the scene just before Once and For All, where the gang is at the printing press. Technically, Race doesn't need to be down there in the first place. While yes, it's probably so he knows the way to direct the others into the room, he doesn't need to be there in the moment. This is also never explained in literally anyway. he's just there. Technicality, he could follow the trail of unlocked doors or somebody could bring him in. While this is technically grasping at straws I will stand by this. The second is a really minor thing that you'll only notice if (like me) you've watched this musical enough that you can quote a good part of it.

So in the scene where Jack is teaching Davey and Les to sell papes that ends with them getting chased to the theater, if you look closely you'll see a familiar face

I have rewatched this scene several times to make sure it's Race. it is. Why is he there. Literally the only other people in this scene are the passbyers who buy a paper, Synder, and the trio. Why is Racer here. He just kinda vibes. I still want an explanation because EVERYBODY ELSE leaves the stage quickly. WHY IS HE THERE???

Now to quickly break into the more IRL universe, in the cast call of this production, which my brother watches so so often (he wants to do musical theater), Racer;s actor is NOT listed with the other newsies. Even Spot, who is listed as support/featured in most sources, is just grouped into the rest of the ensemble. Instead, Racer is grouped in with the Delancey brothers. I still don't understand this.

This is your reminder that Race is listed as ensemble by literally all sources I could be bothered to find.

On top of this, in both the movie and the show, he's one of the most named 'background' newsies. While I've only seen the movie a grand total of once (didn't like the music in the slightest), Racer is a character you see A LOT. Sometimes he's not really doing much, but he's there.

In the musical this is in part because there is so much personality packed into him, but still. Elmer and Albert also have a lot of personality and yet I still find that Racer feels like he has more screentime.

On top of this, Racer is present in literally ever scene with all the newsies. And ALWAYS as Racer.

Anyways this is a slightly unhinged rant. Also if you haven't figured it out Racer is my favorite character.

Yeah idk how that happened.

Anyways agree with your sister that Racer is a supporting character. at least in everything but casting.

The cynical part of me says it's so the producers can get away with paying the actor less. The deranged crossover nerd in me says he's a Watcher

#a rambling nope appears

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theninthdoor · 2 years

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jay || career update; tarot reading

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I should do this reading now, given what happened a couple of days ago (the history thing). All I could pick up on was the incident + what's happening behind the scenes because of it, and nothing else. After some consideration, though, I decided to move forward with it, since I knew some people would be asking about this issue and how Jay's dealing with it. So, here it is… A couple of weeks from now I might take another look at it and see if he has anything else going on, but this is all we've got for the moment.

⭒ Present of his career:

cards: four of swords, page of pentacles reversed (eight of cups), three of wands

Although there are plans being made and action being taken, he's not directly involved in any of that, for the time being, at least. Instead, he seems to be taking some time off to rethink his currents goals and efforts, as some mistakes have been made due to foolishness and irresponsibility from his part. Honestly, there's not a lot to be said here besides: he made a mistake; they told him to stay out of the spotlight for a while; he's not really working much these days. However, there are plans for some future project (perhaps a group comeback), and he's still being considered for that! Given the circumstances, the company is most likely putting in a little extra effort just to make sure they get the best results possible, the public is happy, and everything goes back to normality.

⭒ How he’s feeling about it:

cards: the sun reversed, two of cups reversed, queen of cups (the temperance)

Jay's feeling a mix of embarassment and confusion. He's finding it hard to see the bright side of the situation he's currently in; he doesn't see how he can ever recover completely from this. I do feel like he's apologetic for not being more careful and thoughtful with his words, but, at the same time, he feels like people didn't even try to understand his point of view and went straight into attacking him. He's also probably dealing with some scolding from his company, and they may be painting his future a little murkier that what it might actually turn out to be like. I also feel like, while things don't seem great right now, he's trusting that his fans will have his back and will keep supporting him, thus allowing him to continue on with his activities relatively smoothly when it all goes back to normal. He might even be lurking on the internet to find some reassuring messages or posts that will keep him going, and that will confirm to him that he hasn't yet lost total fan support.

⭒ What he sees for the future of his career:

cards: five of pentacles (four of swords), nine of pentacles, the hermit reversed (five of cups)

I think we can expect him to be a little more discreet going forward. He will be avoiding speaking out of turn, and will perhaps even prefer to stick more to the background during group interviews, livestreams, etc. To be able to recover from this (publicly), Jay knows that he has to really show people that he is apologetic and has done some serious introspection and learning about the topic (these could be things that his company has told him to do, too). Still, before he's able to comeback at full steam, he will have to take some time off for a little longer. Or, at least, he will have to avoid calling attention to himself, to give people time to forget about this + so they don't think he's completely thoughtless. And, while he's worried that they will force him to stay out of activities and, consequently, make him lose some money or good job opportunities, he's not thinking that this incident will ruin his whole career. He still sees financial security, a stable career, etc., but some damage control has to be done first. Again, he's trusting the fans' loyalty and understanding to allow him to continue on with his activities as normal.

(Also, I must say: this doesn't mean that he's staying out of activities! This is only what he's thinking might happen, not what the company is actually considering doing.)

(Disclaimer: all readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

#enhypen tarot #kpop tarot #enhypen jay #enhypen jay tarot #enhypen

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myjinri · 1 year

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JINRI BARES IT ALL.

Ahn Jinri sits down with Singles Magazine and opens up about herself and her career, and shares her reflections.

DATED OCTOBER 2022

Q: How do you feel on days you have an interview? A: I feel a little more nervous than usual. I do think I’m a little afraid of interviews. Especially when I am by myself.

Q: You’re scared? A: I tend to be honest. I end up revealing a lot more about myself once I start talking.

Q: Do you have a lot of secrets? A: It's not that. I just have things that I would rather keep private. I think everybody has those things, but my job requires me to have public attention on me, so it's expected that I have to make some sacrifices. The things I speak of really wouldn't be a big deal if other people knew, but I like having things that only I know.

Q: I have this feeling that because you have such distinct preferences, you actually like sharing them. What makes it something that you really want to keep to yourself? A: It's not much outside of the simple fact that I just don’t want to share it with others. (laughs) There are times that I don't mind telling others, and other times I'd rather keep them hidden.

Q: If you were to describe it, I feel like it’d make it seem more mysterious. A: There is a lot of things I can't keep to myself, so those things I keep hidden are like a safe haven for me that I fiercely want to protect from any outsiders. It's things that comfort me and I'll guard those things so it doesn't get ripped apart at the hands of another. it's akin to a light, cool breeze at night or a warm cozy blanket that surrounds you as you drift off the sleep. it's the things that brings me joy, and I want to make sure they continue serving that purpose.

Q: To Jinri, what is Myworld? As a team? A: Myworld is my youth. Even though it wasn't my prime childhood years, I have done a lot of growing in the seven years I've spent with the others, and just like they've watched me grow and become who I am, I've watched them grow. I am extremely lucky to have the other four by my side for this long.

As a team, we are very unique. I like to believe we’ve always done something different, showcasing a new side of us every time we make an appearance together. The members are all very talented. I was always confident in us since we were preparing for our debut, and only got more confident with the addition of our last member. I really don't like it when people claim [MW5] to be a filler member, because we are five and everyone contributes to make us MyWorld. Each member is so talented that it was challenging for me to really showcase that on the songs I worked on at first.

Q: I can feel the pride you have in the group. A: it's been a long journey for me from the beginning to where I am right now. I can't help but to feel this strongly about the group and be this proud of each member.

Q: Your seventh year anniversary is coming up soon, and a lot has changed since you first debuted. is there anything you are looking forward to? A: I know we have some fans that were eagerly waiting for us, so I am looking forward to getting back on stage and performing for them. I am hoping that we are able to show a side of us that is new, and that people enjoy listening to it.

Q: I see it on your face that you want to be on stage again. What does performing feel like? A: Performing is so exhilarating for me. There's nothing else that can replicate that feeling, seriously. With my dance background, I had a taste of performing through competing, but nothing prepared me to what it would be like to be on stage as an idol. I really love it because I feel the energy of those who listen to our music and it makes me give the performance my all. I really do also take the time to really look at our supporters and try my best to memorize each of their faces. I do feel drained after it's all over, but I always look forward to the next time I'm on stage. That feeling is addicting. (laughs)

Q: You debuted as a soloist in 2017 and have had numerous of comebacks. Is it any different being on stage by yourself? A: It's an entirely different landscape for me. It's going from splitting a stage with four other people to having to command an entire stage by yourself. You have to focus on keeping the crowd engaged by yourself, unlike in a group were you can rely on someone else to pick up if you start to get a little tired. I can handle it, as I've been on stage as a soloist countless of times now, but it's a lot more lonely. Of course, I have dancers, staff, and others around, but I find myself missing the others often. It's part of the reason why I visit them often while they do their solo activities.

Q: Since it's been five years since your solo debut, do you have a favorite song you've released? A: My favorite song changes frequently. I cherish each song in a different way, but I was really proud of the work I did on the last album I released. Can I just say that entire album? If I actually had to pick, maybe 28 Reasons?

Q: What about songs you've released as a group? A: I really think I did a good job on Eyes Locked, Hands Locked. I absolutely love that song. The songs I've worked on for True North are high on the list as well.

Q: You’re about to turn 27, right? What differences did you feel at 19, 20, 25, and 26? A: Oh, that was unexpected. (laughs) At 19, I had just debuted, so I think I was looking at the world with a different, fresh perspective. I was really ambitious. By 20, I had my challenges trying to fit into who I thought I was. I was growing more as an individual. I had a lot more uncertainties than ever when I was 25. A lot of pointless worries. At 26, I am really sure of myself. This is probably the most confident I have been my entire life.

Q: Are there specific moments you feel really brave? A: When I'm in a studio, whether I'm working on songs or finally recording them, I feel like I'm showing a more vulnerable side. Sometimes I'm not too certain if others would like that side of me, so I feel really brave when I overcome that feeling, willing to bare myself in front of others. most of the time the songs aren't released, but it's the fact that I had the confidence to create it in the first place that gives me that feeling. Oh, and when I’m in front of the cameras. To put myself in a position to potentially get criticized takes a lot, especially when I know just how bad things can get online. I find myself brave to continue down this path, and even having the courage to continue doing things the way I want and not conforming to what others want. That's why now I feel the most confident when I’m in front of the cameras no matter what.

Q: Any expectations about turning 27? A: 26 has been nice so far. I don't think 27 will be a huge change from 26, just that I'm closer to my 30s.

Q: Are you waiting for that day to come? Your 30s? A: Honestly no. (laughs) It seems so far away but time moves faster than I expect it to, so I know that it'll be here sooner than later.

Q: Is there a big difference between the Jinri that the general public sees and the real Jinri? A: It depends, but I would say no. There's a distinct difference between Ahn Jinri the soloist and Ahn Jinri the leader of MyWorld, but both are similar to the real me. I'd say I'm my true self when I'm with the other members.

Q: How would you describe the real Jinri? A: The real Jinri is not much different from the ordinary person. I enjoy music and like to paint in my free time. Dancing is the first hobby I had, and I fell in love with it. Others have said I am a good listener and a comforting presence. I am reserved and independent, often wanting to take care of everything myself rather than waiting for someone else to do it.

Q: You don’t like leaning on somebody? A: I don't. I tend to avoid it if I can. The only exception is if I’m really close with someone. It's only then I feel comfortable. Without a doubt, I like being there for other people more than the other way around. (laughs) I have been trying to work on that, though.

Q: What if you were dating? A: I'm not too sure, that's something I haven't thought about. I don't really think about dating. it's always seemed like something for the future. I guess it would be more a mutual give and take type of exchange? I typically am the one to take care of others in my friendships, so I guess it may be similar to that.

Q: That makes sense. Since we talked about your actual image, let's talk about your image as an ‘artist’. That word can mean different things depending on how you use it, but it’s also a very simple word. A: It's a simple word but it is so important to me. I love to be referred to as an artist because I feel like that carries a little more weight than just a singer, dancer, producer, or whatever title people may know me by. It captures the amount of time and effort I put into the things I do as well, in a way, as anything I create could be considered art. Deep inside, I do think I am an artist, and am continuously growing as one the older I get. All I want is to continue releasing things that I am passionate about, because once I lose that passion, I think it is no longer art.

Q: If you’re an artist in your own right, what others say… A: Doesn't really matter much. People say art is subjective, right? So why worry what other people say? The way they see things may not be the way I see things.

Q: I'm curious about how you decided on taking the path of a singer. A: Since I was younger, I liked dancing a lot. It was all I did and was what I was best at outside of academics. I didn't start considering being a singer until I was scouted. All I knew was that I enjoyed dancing and wanted to do it my entire life if I could. Singing was something that came afterwards, but I fell in love with it nearly as much as I did with dancing.

Q: Did you not have any uneasiness about possibly not being able to become a singer going through your trainee days? A: I did. It's so hard to not compare yourself to others when there are so many other people who are equally, if not more, talented than you are. That was one thing I struggled with a lot. Even if I had the desire to be on stage, so did everyone else. I did have the concern of what would happen if I don't make it, but it didn't take up that big of a space in my trainee dats. I think I just had like a slump before I finally got the motivation I needed to truly pursue my dreams. I started at a relatively young age, so I had a lot of time.

Q: Is there a way you act when your confidence is low? A: Is it believable for me to say that I'm even more of a recluse? I avoid making eye contact and talking with others. Actually, I avoid people altogether. I am completely unmotivated, and it's an even bigger slump than what I encountered as a trainee.

Q: If you didn't become a singer, what would you think you would have been doing? A: Dancing. From a young age, I was set on being a dancer. Maybe even a choreographer for some of the active groups instead of making songs?

Q: What's one piece of advice you'd give to your past self? A: You don't always have to work so hard, you can take moments to just have fun and really enjoy your youth. The days will pass by faster than you expect.

Q: Any words to your future self? A: I hope you are happy, no matter what. you've worked hard and endured a lot.

Q: The present is complicated, while the future is uncertain. No matter what happens Jinri, stay strong. A: I will!

#[ jinri is like me and rambles for no reason if u actually read this i am sorry ]#[ yes jinri did lie in some parts of this interview. she has a reputation to uphold ]#[ and yes i did rip some of these questions actual interviews sue me ]#thefourprompt1

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lady-assnali · 2 years

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Keeping on-brand, I’ve been thinking about baby model Gigi lately, and this simple little friend story appeared. It’s just friendship and a good memory with underlying baby Crygi feelings.

“Okay, step up a little bit.”

“Where the hell did you take me?? Why are there so many-oh god no. No. Are we in Times Square?”

Silence-followed immediately by Jan’s shit-eating grin and Crystal’s mischievous giggling. Gigi may be blindfolded, and she may be a self-proclaimed ditz, but the memories of being run down by tourists in the city have burned the feeling of Times Square into her body’s internal memory bank.

“What would possess you to bring me here on a Friday night-how much did we just spend on that Uber?”

“Shh, relax.”

“We could’ve taken the subway if you’d have just let me know where we were going!”

“But then you wouldn’t have come! And you have to be here. This is very important.”

“Jan, I love you so much but this is you talking. And if it’s you talking I’m lead to believe that we’re on our way to see Wicked again. Which…I love the show, don’t get me wrong, but there’s only so many times I can sit next to you while you sob through Defying Gravity before I need several months to recover.”

“It’s worth it, Geege. Trust me.” Crystal gives her arm a little squeeze, and they slow down a bit. Through the noise of the traffic, Gigi can hear Jackie and Jan arguing about directions. She wonders how exactly she got to this point, a college dropout with a group of silly, perfectly mismatched friends who she’d follow blindfolded into the busiest part of the city without reservations. One moment, she’d been sitting in art history wondering what she was doing in New York and the next she was working alongside one of her idols, college free and learning from the best. Those first few weeks in college had given her the friends she’d needed to get through the work, so it hadn’t all gone to waste. They gave her the college experience; parties, clubs, the freedom of being away from home and finding yourself. They also gave her late night study sessions huddled up in her apartment while she worked on her latest project, helping Jan through auditions by reading through lines with her or being Crystal’s comic relief while she painted, making snacks and playlists and reciting horrible jokes. Jackie-well, there wasn’t much to be helped there, but Gigi likes to think that asking her questions about her latest study in political science is enough support as it is.

They’re her friends, and she’s missed them so much while being away-even as the bantering continues as Jackie and Jan turn her body multiple times, quipping back and forth with each other until Crystal’s hands take both of her shoulders to steady her.

“Ladies, please. I know we’re all very excited, but I’m pretty sure we’re a block away from where we need to be anyway.” Crystal’s voice is diplomatic, yet very clearly dripping with humor. Gigi groans, shifting her weight from toe to toe. She’s sure they’re causing a scene, although the middle of Times Square surely is the place where something like this mismatched group of people and a blindfolded woman will blend right into the background. Without her sight, every other sense is on fire; Crystal’s hold on her shoulder’s is warm and tingling, Jackie and Jan’s voices very clear through the sirens. She’s sure she’d be able to tune into any of the other passing conversations if she truly tried.

“We need to find it soon, Geege is literally covered in goosebumps. One week in California and she forgets how to be a New Yorker.” Having just come back from a week in Los Angeles, she’d forgotten just how crisp the Spring nights could be. She finds herself shivering at Jackie’s observation, relief coming only when a soft, fuzzy coat is draped over her shoulders. Crystal. Crystal and her big fluffy jacket she’d refused to take off after thrifting it for only $3 when Gigi had pointed out that it should have been marked way higher. A steal of a deal, the pastel rainbow fuzz could be described only as cotton candy in a piece of clothing, and yet somehow her best friend made it look as though it were the most sought-after item on the market.

The arguing subsides when Jan gasps, grabbing Gigi’s arm tight and shouting.

“There! There! Look! Do you see it?”

Jackie gasps and Crystal squeals, Gigi feeling her jump up and down from beside her. The three talk all at once, exclamations of oh my god and are you kidding and one airy sigh of jeez before Gigi scowls.

“I’m going to take this thing off if you don’t tell me what’s going on!”

“Oh! Shit! OH my god, sorry, here!” Jan, in her excitable fashion, all but rips the eye mask off of Gigi’s face, and for a moment she’s paralyzed by the brightness of the lights. Crystal’s hugging her side now, pointing her finger up at a wall of buildings illuminated by lit-up advertisements. Then, she sees it.

“What,” It’s all she can say, breathless and disbelieving as her eyes widen in wonder. Jackie has her phone pointed dutifully at her, and Jan’s own camera clicks, but Gigi is stuck in place with an open mouth.

“That’s me.”

“That’s you!” Crystal squeezes her, eyes torn between the lit-up advertisement and the real person as they fill up with tears. “You’re literally up in lights.”

“I don’t even…I can’t….oh my god.”

“Take a picture! Did you take a picture? Gigi, stand right there!”

Crystal backs up and stands beside their friends, pulling her own phone from her pocket and waving her hand at the redhead. For a moment, Gigi looks back at them with her mouth agape. Then, she’s turned around, posing for the camera with a well-practiced tilt of the head. She perfectly mimics the pose at hand, sultry eyes and parted lips, a hand on her hip and eyes that simmer with practiced, untouchable energy. Then she laughs, shrugging Crystal’s jacket down to her elbows and hugging it to her, sticking out her tongue. It’s an infectious energy, one that continues on as she turns one more time to stare back at her image illuminated and blown up to the size of buildings.

She ends up posting the photos for her rapidly rising follower count later that night, after they’ve gone out to celebrate (after telling Jan that no, they wouldn’t be entering the Wicked lottery that night). She’s tucked into her bed between Crystal and Jackie, Jan on Jackie’s other side. It’s a tight squeeze but they pile onto each other anyway, limbs over limbs and laughter stopping any attempt at sleeping.

Crystal’s head lolls onto Gigi’s shoulder as she watches her flip through the pictures she’s been airdropped, combining them into one perfect Instagram post. The first is the sultry mock-up, the most poised and polished version of herself showing off the billboard. Then the video reveal, her standing shock-still and staring up at the screen

The last is her favorite.

She and Crystal are standing side-by-side, backs to the camera. Crystal’s pointing up at the screen with one hand while Gigi clings to her other arm. She’s wearing the insufferable cotton candy jacket, scarlet hair cascading in waves down the back. Her head is on Crystal’s shoulder. This is the picture she wants to memorialize the moment with; the two of them, as it should be. She can hear the pride in her best friend’s voice, feel the nervous fluttering in her heart from seeing the reality of all of her hard work paying off in full. It’s every last trip away from home coming full circle, every time she’d wanted to quit or wondered why she even agreed to start in the first place telling her she was right not to give up. It’s the ability to share this moment with the person who’d been on the other end of every late night phone call, every bout of homesickness, every joke that’d pulled her through.

It’s the sound of I’m so proud of you captured in one picture.

She can feel Crystal’s smile against her as she types and deletes captions, lowering her head so that her cheek can rest on her soft curls.

“You’re incredible,” Crystal murmurs. She’s looking at her own phone now, where Gigi’s post has just gone live. The video plays on as they watch the moment Jan rips the blindfold-the disbelief, the hugging, the joy. Gigi tucks her own phone away and shifts down in the bed, cheek to cheek with her best friend. They shuffle around until they’re a tangle of limbs and sappy smiles. Jackie’s head is on her back and she’s flopped over onto Crystal’s chest, arms wrapped around her with a sleepy refusal to let go.

The four finally fall asleep while they drift away from conversations about the future; Gigi’s next trip is only a few weeks away, Jan has a twenty-four hour festival to ready herself for, Jackie’s taking on a thesis, and Crystal’s submitting art for a possible gallery slot. In a contented pile of limbs far too big for her bed and surrounded by love, Gigi sleeps the best she has in a long, long time.

#I don’t need to tell you how much I love baby model Gigi #also i want to go back to NY so badly right now #also Jan is a self-insert half the time I highly identify with her #I’m somewhere within a Jan-Olivia Luxx mix with Gigi mixed in #screw the gender spectrum we should be identifying ourselves by which drag personas we fit ourselves into #it’s like getting your dog’s DNA tested like it’s not a corgi-golden mix it’s a Trixie-Sasha-Violet mix #Ask me again in an hour and mine will probably change a lil bit but anyway I’m Jan

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cawyden · 2 years

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OC - Cawyden Ryn

So, yes, I have an OC too!

She is a mandalorian human female (details below) who is in love with Captain Rex.

@love-like-poetry made this beautiful picture of both:

If you like to learn more about her, here are the details (sorry, long text incoming):

Appearance:

Cawyden is a female human, with black wavy hair and gray eyes. She wears her hair short – varying between chin and shoulder length. She is around 1,73m / 5’8’’.

She wears a dark brown / black flight suit with Mandalorian armor parts and a cape around her shoulders. The armor is mainly colored in dark blue with some smaller parts colored black.

She has a holster for her blaster pistol (WESTAR-35, laster uses DC-17 like Rex) and several little bags and pouches on her belt and on one thigh.

Background:

Cawyden was born into a small Mandalorian clan (with mostly women and kids) that were the last of the “True Mandalorians” after a group of Jedi killed the others at the Battle of Galidraan – except for Jango Fett, which they only learned about later. The Jedi had fallen to a lie from their enemies – a terror organization of people who claimed to be Mandalorians – the “Death Watch”.

When she was 12, her father disappeared without a trace. She tried to find him, but she wasn’t allowed to leave the clan. Learning IT skills from her mother, she concentrated on becoming a slicer/hacker to find any hint of her father in the HoloNet and any system / files she could get her hands on – in the spare free time she had. With her mother and other members of the clan busy to work to earn credits and to farm the land to produce their own foot, she was left to oversee and train younger kids and help with repairs and whatever work was required.

Unfortunately, her slicing attempts led the Death Watch on their path. Assuming they would be easy prey, they attacked the clan. Luckily her mother noticed her hacker work and that it hadn’t been a secure connection. Had they not anticipated a possible attack, the clan would likely have been wiped out. But even then, they were outnumbered. It was a brutal attack, but they were able to decimate the attackers with prepared traps and custom build grenades until they finally retreated. But they took losses too – a lot of wounded (including her mother), one dead.

The company that her mother worked on was willing to pay for the medical treatments of the wounded but in return Cawyden had to work for them too – she wouldn’t earn money but work of her debt. She would support repairs and security on a transport ship. Life on that ship was difficult – they had regularly pirate attacks to fend off with Cawyden and her experienced companion Veskar Sel (Engineer) required to repair the ship on time or if they already managed to board, to help defend the ship.

Even when her debt was paid off, she continued to serve on the ship for some time – until one day the presence detector she had installed in their old settlement (the clan had moved on to a new location) activated and on the camera, she recognized her father who had finally returned, looking for his clan. When she met with him, they exchanged what had happened and so Cawyden learned about his time at Kamino and that he went not because of the large sum of money that he was promised but out of feeling guilt and in Jangos debt. 22 years ago, he hadn’t been at the Battle of Galidraan as they hadn’t expected their mission to be that difficult and he got permission to stay behind with his wife, who went into labor.

Cawyden stopped working for the security company and started to spend more time again with her clan and especially with her father, trying to make up the lost time. He would also test her combat abilities and train her to improve. During this time, still checking on the Death Watch (which she started years ago after their attack, but now knowing how to hide her actions) she discovered a possible connection with the Separatists. Now gathering information about the Separatists as well, she began to forward information that might be helpful to the Republic until she found an interesting lead to the planet Teth. When she went there to investigate, she meets the 501st and Captain Rex.

She soon joins the 501st, supporting them against the Separatists, trying to keep as much people as possible alive. In exchange she hopes to get information on the Death Watch. It is an exciting but also intense time for her, feeling this closeness with the troopers, being with them on the battlefield, mourning together fallen friends and brothers, bonding and supporting each other and becoming friends… and more as she starts to develop romantic feelings for her Captain. If only there weren’t regulations against that – not that she would care, but he does…

Birth: 44 BBY

Appearance:

Cawyden is a female human, with black wavy hair and gray eyes. She wears her hair short – varying between chin and shoulder length. She is around 1,73m / 5’8’’.

She wears a dark brown / black flight suit with Mandalorian armor parts and a cape around her shoulders. The armor is mainly colored in dark blue with some smaller parts colored black.

She has a holster for her blaster pistol (WESTAR-35, laster uses DC-17 like Rex) and several little bags and pouches on her belt and on one thigh.

Combat/Abilities:

While experienced with close combat she prefers to keep enemies at a distance. She will use self-build EMP / Blend or Smoke grenades to stun, distract and surprise opponents (especially if she is outnumbered). She is also very good in improvisation, using whatever she finds in her environment to her advantage. She prefers to fight with a single blaster pistol and grenades, and if required (in close combat) with her knife. She also knows dirty fighting tricks that she learned fighting against pirates and slavers.

She has a knack for technical and mechanical/engineering tasks. She learned her way with programming and hacking/slicing from her mother and it became a very useful tool for her in the search for her father. But she also learned that it can be quite dangerous if not done correctly. She also started quite early with tinkering and building little devices – toys for herself, the other kids, or just helpful little things to ease the work. Later she even builds her own little droid (HeB for “Helper and Best Friend”) that accompanies her since then and that has been her best (and mostly only) friend for quite some time (especially after the Death Watch attack until she made new friends later).

During her time as crew member on a freighter she learned to fly and the skills required to repair the ship (often by improvisation).

Character:

She is always eager to learn and has a curious, open mind. While having heard the story how a group of Jedi were responsible (after falling for a Death Watch lie) for the death of most of her clan she still tries to let that not interfere with her dealings of them. She is first very guarded towards them but trying to get to understand them better and therefore participating in conversations and asking questions about the order and the force and whatever she gets an information. During her time with the GAR she develops a deep respect for some of them.

It doesn’t take her long after meeting the GAR troopers for the first time in person to fall for them – all of them. She knows about them from her father, who was a trainer at Kamino, but seeing them in person, the way they nearly look like Mandalorians themselves, fighting, moving like Mandalorians, even spotting Mandalorian sigils (like Captain Rex), it makes her feel like they are part of her clan. She immediately connects with them, feeling responsible to support them and to keep them alive – as much as she is able too. That leads to sometimes problematic situations, where she is willing to go against orders to safe lives.

She is kind and generous but can also be quite stubborn and gets furious when she witnesses that the clones aren’t treated like human beings. Which is why she isn’t very fond of the Republic, but in her opinion the Separatists are worse (and aligned with her enemy the Death Watch).

She also hates the word “clones” and to say it – she knows that this is technically what the men are, but so often if she hears it from others, it is said if not as an insult, then still in a devaluating way. She does everything she can do remind the everyone around her that every single one of them is an individual, a living being that deserve their freedom and rights.

Still haunted by the attack of the Death Watch on their little settlement and feeling responsible for having given them the opportunity to do so, she is very keen on finding and dealing with the Death Watch. It is more than revenge – it is for protection as she knows they are a constant threat and will not stop until everyone of her clan is dead. So, she needs to find them first – without leading them to her clan again.

For a Mandalorian is also quite sensitive – she knows that death is a natural companion, but she takes every loss of someone she cares about very personal – as her own failure to prevent that from happening (unless it is of natural cause).

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