#wizard buys a fucking HAT

[goingtothebes]

limited time ask i’m at a tmg show what should i shout for during the solo set

NOOOOO I'M SAD I MISSED THIS. solo set shouts have to come from the heart though, they cannot be chosen by another. it also seemed that yall got an *incredible* solo set, so perhaps it was godly intervention that I did not see this ask.

[front-facing-pokemon]

Front facing Wizard Celebi 💪

Went through the teen plushie liker plight of being made fun of for an impulse buy two seconds after and hating this guy for a while because of that but I've come around because look at that face. Look at that cloak and leaf hat. I'd let them curse my bloodline

oh this is fucking adorable. i didn't know a Wizard Celebi aesthetic even existed, unless this is unofficial—the only thing i remember was the thing they did for halloween one time. i like this. this is good. here have some nose ratings about it:

dunno about wimpod. i feel like they're just scared. typically this is not a very Good emotion to have. i think it's in the name. Wimp od

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Any headcanons on how the townsfolk react to the farmer having magic?

Sure thing :D

By the way, it became interesting to me, what kind of magic exactly does the Farmer use in the vanilla game? In fact, only interaction with Junimo, the ability to talk with wild animals and the transmutation of bars (which is more alchemy than magic, I think?) comes to mind. So I decided to write the reaction of the inhabitants as if the Farmer has some kind of spells like a fireball, telekinesis and other such that the first thing comes to mind. Hope you like it, dear anon ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, Pierre doesn't have anything "magic" for the Farmer in his shop. Oh, they just want to buy seeds? Well, with magic or not, a client is still a client! Just please don't accidentally burn his store with a fire spell or something.

Penny only giggled nervously after receiving information from the Farmer, and the following days she tried to avoid them. Now she is much calmer, but nonetheless, how in the world-?

Abigail knew that the Farmer is not so simple at first glance! Even the fact that they just understand little apple-like spirits delights Abby. It's so cool! If they also have some other combat magic, then it's even better!

Well... This magic of theirs doesn't restrict them from eating normal food, does it? No? Wonderful! Then Gus will gladly serve the Farmer in the Saloon, without any prejudice. Maybe he will even calm down his other visitors, who will climb to the Farmer with their annoying polls after an extra mug of beer.

Magic? Young one, George is not up to your hocus-pocus right now. Go show your tricks with bunnies and hats to kids or someone else, and let him watch his TV. Hmmph!

Rasmodius' only wish is that the young Farmer not fall under the control of his ex-wife if she takes an interest in their giftedness. Besides that, the wizard's door to the tower will always be open for the Farmer if they have a problem with magic control, or they want to learn a new spell.

Magic, you say? Can they conjure pink cake right into Haley's house? What about diamonds? Or maybe even a pony? No? Well, then what's the point in this magic. Boring...

Gunther once heard that people with a "special gift" are looking for incredible artifacts where no ordinary eye can see. Well, now the young Farmer has the opportunity to test this theory in practice, and don't forget to tell Gunther about it!

Sorry bud, but Shane can't be fooled by all this crap. No, don't show him the glowing energy from hands. And don't force objects to levitate in the air. The hell are you- stop lift him into the air with magic, no! Put Shane back down, for fuck's sake! Magic is not real!

"You can do a fire spell? For real? Can you demonstrate?" When the Farmer made a small fireball that emitted from their hand, Sebastian immediately held a cigarette to the little magic fire. "Thanks, I lost my lighter recently."

Tired Kent, having seen a demonstration of magic from the Farmer, simply turns around 180 degrees and goes home. First, the nightmares, and now also hallucinations in reality. He. Need. Fucking. Break.

Don't even think about playing pranks on Pam with these tricks, or she'll whip the Farmer so badly that no magic in the universe will soothe the burning pain in their ass! And she mean it, kiddo. Just don't.

Awesome! It's so awesome! Oh, can Farmer move in the air? How about moving things with their mind? Oh, can they move a slice of pizza in the air? Sam just wants to repeat that 'pizzakinesis' meme from the internet. Aww, c'mon, don't look at him like that, it will be fun!

The poor Farmer immediately regretted that they decided to tell Demetrius about their magical abilities. Because at first the scientist expressed incomprehension, and after the demonstration he took the young Farmer by the hand and almost forcibly led him to the laboratory "to study an incredible phenomenon!"

Robin was the one who quickly cooled her husband's ardor and told him that the Farmer was their friend, not a lab rat. The town carpenter doesn't care too much that the Farmer has some kind of power, because they're a good person. Besides, with neighbors such as Linus and members of the Adventurer's Guild, nothing will surprise Robin.

Speaking of neighbors, Linus will take news very calmly. He himself doesn't have magic in his blood, but he can feel the flows of someone else's energy. Will always support the Farmer if magic bothers them.

Marlon, as an adventurer who has seen an untold number of miracles in his life, will also calmly respond to the magical talent of a young member of his Guild. He will give the Farmer the opportunity to stay in his Guild if someone starts to annoy the Farmer because of their magic.

Gil will also not stand aside and cheer up the young adventurer if they lose heart, treat them to good whiskey (just a little bit) and give wise advice along with Marlon. Magic or not, one should not tease a person because of prejudice towards magic.

Maru, like Demetrius, will also be interested in studying this phenomenon, because she also believes that there is nothing that science could not explain. True, unlike her father, she will politely invite the Farmer to her home, not forcibly pull them along.

Heh, and Lewis was just thinking not to book a clown for the fair this year. Maybe after the show, the Farmer wants to show a couple of tricks for tourists? Don't worry, he'll pay them for their work. A? Real magic? Why yes, of course... magicians never tell their secrets, right? ;)

After many stories of his ol' Man, as well as some of the miracles that he himself found while sailing on the ship, Willy is no longer surprised about anything. If the Farmer wants, they can go fishing together on the beach and Willy will tell him stories about mermaids, miracles and magic.

Even though the Farmer has healing spells, Harvey asks them not to self-medicate. Funny tho, but he's not as surprised by Farmer's magic ("I've seen you do weirder things")

Magic? Oh, the Farmer wants to show her sons card tricks or something? Ok, Jodi doesn't mind, just please don't litter too much in the house, she just cleaned up recently.

Caroline will have mixed feelings about this. The last time she dealt with something magical was when she went to... Ah, no, never mind. As long as the Farmer doesn't harm anyone with their magic, Caroline doesn't mind.

Oh, you want to see real magic? Discounts up to 70% on almost all products at JojaMart, come and get it! (Morris doesn't give a damn about their magic as long as the Farmer buys seeds here and not from competitors).

Krobus knows that some people can wield arcane powers, like the same Wizard. Maybe if the Farmer talks about their abilities and human culture, then Krobus will share interesting facts about the Shadow people.

Elliott doesn't believe Farmer's words at first. "For me, a miracle is when I can untangle my hair without harming it." The Farmer is casting a spell in a language Elliott doesn't know, and now writer's hair is tangle-free, styled and braided. Ok, now Elliott believes in magic.

Oh yes, Emily has felt a strong flow of Farmer's energy since the day they moved to Stardew Valley. She wants to invite them to a crystal meditation sometime so that the Farmer opens their chakras and releases their energy. "Emily, this isn't exactly what-" Oh no, it's too late...

At first, Alex is surprised by this, but then quickly comes to his senses, trying to remain cool. "I really hope you don't use these tricks in sports, because only losers and weaklings will do this."

Sorry Farmer, but Clint is not going to buy gold ore and bars from them, as they themselves claim, "created with the help of magic." People already tried to deceive him like this in other cities. "Clint, this has more to do with alchemy than magic" "You get the point"

"Well, one more unusual neighbor for me," Marnie thought, finally understanding why the Farmer was never afraid to go to the wizard's tower despite her warnings about strange noises.

Leah is also not too surprised by the unusual neighbor. After all, the valley itself is a magical place, just like in fairy tales, so why be surprised by the same wizard or a young Farmer with their magic?

"Oooh! Please, show us some tricks, Mr./Mrs. Farmer! Please! Pretty please!" Now Jas and Vincent will not leave the poor Farmer until the evening.

[noyoucannotpushthevoid]

Raven Cycle characters as Things People I know have Said (basically Henry/K Edition)

“What’s up chuckle fucks?” - Ronan “Bigger is bigger” - Ronan “I summon thee, [Chainsaw]” - Henry “Taking lethal levels of psychic damage at age 7 isn’t good for development” - about Ronan “Bitch” (about a crying child) - Ronan “When a fish and a woman love each other very much…” - Henry, no explanation “He’s deceptively smart for his appearance” - Henry about Ronan “Hi, I’d like to buy one mayoral office please?” - Henry joking about Gansey’s parents “I’ve been told I make a good distraction” - Henry “We’re all fucking lemmings here” - Blue pointing out they’d all do anything Gansey asked them to “The magic sex wizard put them in the same body” - Henry “‘[D]o a superhero landing’ (Ronan) ‘I was just going to ask if I [could] do a superhero landing[!]’ (Noah)” “I have no context for lemmings” - Ronan “That’s alright Captain, we can buff out those scratches” - Ronan after absolutely wrecking the pig beyond repair “[Gansey] and [Ronan] couple moment” - Henry “Raisinify your bucket hat” - Matthew scrunching up his bucket hat when nervous “How can [Gansey] be depressed with that much cake?” - Henry “There’s pee on your key?” - Declan after finding bird poop on the Barns’ spare key and confronting Ronan about it “God’s eepiest soldier” - about Adam "'...his hair's not doing to well' (Gansey describing their new latin teacher) 'I was going to ask if he was a dilf, but that answers my question' (Henry)"  "The man [in the BMW] said the password was 'go fuck yourself'" - Adam to Declan after Declan asked what the new passcode at the Barns was "Oh, I died...oopsie" - Gansey dying for the eleven millionth time "They're uncivilized, they don't know what vodka is" - Kavinsky "May I history?" - Gansey asking to lore dump on any of his friends "If I can't clean my wounds with it, then I don't want to drink it!" - Kavinsky "Need a fire starter? Just buy Everclear" - Also Kavinsky “Your rat friend … he’s not your friend” - Gansey about Kavinsky “Oh damn he livin” - Everyone about Noah before they found his body “The fucking hot tub? Why not the regular one?” - Henry, like my DM, thinks he’s funny (he is) “Does anyone have a blanket? Just swaddle me like a fucking baby” - Ronan while sick “Can I roll insight on something? … does he think I'm a child?” - Blue anytime she meets another Raven boy “[she]’s normally small, not cursed to be small” - Ronan explaining the difference in small vibes between Opal and Blue “Who would win: some dumbass flying lizard or 50 action express?” - Ronan to Adam at 2am “‘I forget what color phosphorus burns so I'm going to say purple’ (Gansey)  ‘The answer is hot’ (Adam)”

[litres-of-cocaine]

you people don’t know what death of the author is.

it’s from Roland Barthes’ essay of the same name about the viewpoint of academic interpretation. the essay argues that literary criticism should base itself around the reader’s interpretation rather than authorial intention. essentially saying what the author was TRYING to convey is irrelevant in comparison to what the text ACTUALLY conveys. there is some debate about the value of this method, but it is almost universally preferred by academic literary circles.

crucially, it does NOT refer to amputating a writer from the ownership/creation of their work for whatever reason. so people claiming death of the author to justify buying harry potter stuff is just plain wrong. what they are doing is (unsuccessfully) separating the art from the artist which is a dumb as fuck concept anyway but also notably different to what death of the author is.

death of the author does have some relevance to jkr if we are thinking about her attempts to retcon/add/change elements of the books outside of the narrative (i.e. on twitter and even on pottermore to an extent), as it problematises the literary norm to decenter authorial intention that has been a standard since Barthes’ 1967 essay.

(this does get tricky though if we are thinking in terms of popular culture rather than academic standards, as authors commenting upon their work and elaborating on the world their characters inhabit is a perfectly acceptable thing in modern publishing. i would say jkr’s excessive interest in exerting control over her fiction does encroach upon both lines, however, as she tries to alter the potential interpretations of her work without any textual basis and problematises academic interest as well as just the leisure associated with understanding)

this is mostly in response to people saying that death of the author doesn’t work when the author is alive and /no/ you are thinking of ‘separating the art from the artist’ which is a separate but not unconnected idea.

what annoys me about this is that it not only completely misuses death of the author but also suggests that separating the art from the artist can ever work. (it does not).

although they might seem fairly similar they actually assume completely different things. decentering authorial intent does not mean that the artist is unconnected to their output. if we were to analyse The Importance of Being Earnest, ignoring Wilde’s own experience with living a scandalous double-life would be short-sighted. we can’t isolate literature from their contexts and death of the author doesn’t try to do that. The implicit attributes of Wilde’s life seeping into the play’s narrative is a fact and we can talk about that without considering what Wilde intended. What Wilde wanted in his narrative is irrelevant, whether he intended the parallels to his own life is irrelevant, the fact that these similarities are there is interesting. The artist is the creator, a very significant factor in the text’s construction, but they don’t get to decide what their text means with any more authority than the next person.

if we ‘separate the art from the artist’ this is negated. suddenly we cannot analyse the text with any kind of seriousness as the foundations of the text have disappeared. you cannot separate jk rowling from harry potter because so much of the text is built upon white english middle class sensibilities. what we write and how we interpret what other people write is based on our identities, and who we are. you take that away the book might as well be empty.

so yes separating the art from the artist doesn’t work in jkr’s case because it never works, and what you are talking about is definitely NOT death of the author.

if someone wants to buy crummy wizard hats then they should go for it, but pretending that you’re safe from blame is ridiculous .

[static-radio-ao3]

@jegulus-microfic // october 13 // prompt: party // words: 795 // part 1 + part 2 + part 4

When Sirius had texted him pls come to the frat halloween party, no one is showing up Regulus had known better. Sirius always does this; he’ll ask Regulus to come over, claiming a lack of attendees, and then disappear the entire evening, leaving Regulus to his own devices.

So Regulus had sent him a succinct no. in return.

Except, James had texted him halloween party tonight. see you there? only a moment later, and really, Regulus was a weak, weak man, because he had clipped two cat ears in his hair, put on an all black outfit and walked all the way to Greek Row. Which is where Regulus is currently watching James perform a keg stand.

The most upsetting part, though, is that James is doing the keg stand on his own, no one holding up his legs. Regulus bites his lip when he notices how James’ arms are straining against the white sleeves of his button down. The fabric slides down his torso as well, revealing warm brown skin and a distracting v-line. Regulus is hit with the memory of James at the car wash, miles of bare skin on display. He forces his eyes away when James drops down again, arms in the air, whooping.

Not long after, James finds him where he’s been enjoying the party from a safe distance. Regulus Black, wallflower extraordinaire.

“Little Reggie Black, as I live and breathe,” he says as he settles next to Regulus, back against the wall, one foot propped up.

“You're so fucking annoying, do you know that?”

“Oh?” James asks, voice lilting in faux-confusion. “Did you also find me annoying when you almost paid yourself into debt to kiss me at the charity fair or was that—”

Heat blooms under Regulus’ skin, and he prays the strobing party lights conceal it. He doesn’t want to give James even more reason to tease him.

“It was for charity,” Regulus hisses. James does need to know Regulus had to borrow some money from Barty this week to buy coffee. “I was feeling generous.”

James snorts out a laugh at that. It should be unattractive, but it really isn’t. Regulus feels his heart thud when James shoots him a sly look from the corner of his eye. “I could tell.”

Regulus rolls his eyes and finally turns to face James, giving him a once-over. He’s gotten rid of the snap back he is usually sporting. Instead, he has a pointy hat on. Regulus hates to admit he kind of misses the snap back. It's fucking stupid, but it also makes James look boyish and charming. At the very least he's happy to know the thing isn't permanently attached to James' head.

“What are you supposed to be?” He asks, when he notices the stick James is holding alongside a red solo cup. Regulus can almost feel the way his brain glitches when he registers how big James’ hand is, but he powers through.

“A wizard.” James twirls the stick in the air and points it at Regulus like a wand. His gaze drags over Regulus' face, eyes landing on the black cat ears tucked in black curls. James taps the stick against one of the ears, smirking when Regulus bats his hand away. “Aw, sweetheart, did you want to do couple costumes?”

Regulus’ face flushes at the implication; a wizard and a black cat as his familiar.

“No. Shut up.”

“Starting to think you don't like me, Reg.”

“Gee, what gave you that idea?”

“You look like you want to punch me in the mouth every time I speak,” James comments as he puts the cup down on the windowsill and tucks the stick in his back pocket.

Unfortunately, or hopefully, James has no idea how right he is. Regulus absolutely wants to punch him in the mouth whenever he speaks. It’s just that the urge usually goes hand in hand with the incessant desire to kiss him silly. It really is a rather confusing combination.

“It’s fine. I like—” you, Regulus thinks, I like you, “—don't hate you, or whatever.”

The confused look on James’ face is easily replaced with a smile, two dimples appearing. Regulus wants to hurl himself into the sun.

“You, like, don't hate me, or whatever? Little Black, keep it in your pants, we're in public.” He tilts his head in consideration, glancing at Regulus’ lips. “Not that that ever stopped you before.”

“Are you ever going to let that go? It was for charity.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” James murmurs, voice low and eyes still stuck on Regulus’ lips. He lifts both hands, one cupping Regulus’ jaw and the other sliding into his hair. “Here, let me make it up to you. Not sure you got your money’s worth last time.”

[hydra-collector]

wizard buys a hat AND he talked abt it briefly before hand—called it a cryptogram, a song where you wouldn't know it was autobiographical unless he told on himself, & went on to say the store in the song was like across the corner from the square the concert was at and the red steps were literally the red steps in the square where the show was. insane experience for someone (me) whose first time visiting portland years ago included stopping by the square the show was at as like the first thing i ever did there

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WISH ID BEEN THERE!!!! did u or anyone get a recording do u know? id love to listen to it if possible

[steddiesupportgroup]

@corrodedcoughin your wish is my command! I wanted Eddie to make a sword too much to keep him at a basic level, sorry about that. He’s got many talents.

First of all, Steve does not get ren faire. It’s the middle of the blistering summer, the grass is brown and dead and there’s not a tree in sight in the field where they decided to hold it. He’s only here as the babysitter, as most of his outings are, and the surrounding tents are packed with people in the lamest outfits he’s ever seen.

Every one of the kids pressured him into buying an overpriced outfit when they got there, and he tells himself that he’s really doing it for Will. Steve’s got a huge soft spot for him and that kid is diligently sweating it out in full-blown wizard’s getup with no plans to compromise it for the sake of his own comfort. So Steve buys something basic, whatever the kids wanna see him in that somewhat works with his budget, and he looks okay, he supposes.

But damn, they couldn’t have let him wear a hat with this tunic?

At least he’s not the only adult on this quest; Robin and Nancy are here too, but they didn’t have to be pressured into dressing up. Robin’s some kind of dark fairy and Nancy is an elf (and Steve learns that it’s not even her first time doing it, which tickles him).

After sweating his balls off for a couple hours and silently thanking the tunic for hiding evidence of any swamp-crotch, the kids use the map to hop, skip, and jump their way to Eddie’s station. Steve didn’t know that Eddie was working here, but it makes sense. He’s a dedicated actor in every other sense of the word, after all.

Steve’s too engrossed in conversation with the girls to notice when they’ve reached Eddie’s spot, and Robin gives him a knowing nudge and a nod when they get there.

Steve turns his head and holy shit.

There’s Eddie Munson, slaving away over an anvil, striking down on a red-hot sword and surrounded by a dozen impressed onlookers. Steve knows that ren faire is hot temperature wise, but he feels like it’s been hiked up another hundred degrees.

Eddie’s shirtless under his long leather apron, the sun kissing his shoulders and leaving freckles in its wake. His tattoos are on full display, save for the ones covered by elbow length black gloves. His hair is tied up on top of his head and loose strands wave with each strike of his hammer. He’s too focused to notice that his friends have showed up, his mouth pressed in a firm line, and boy is he sweating. Drops of moisture bead along his forehead and temples, drip down his sides and line his upper lip.

Nancy presses a water bottle to Steve’s chest, and his mouth is too dry to thank her for it.

Once Eddie’s done shaping the metal to his liking (letting out low grunts with each hit, for fucks sake) he looks up and beams at their kids crowding around him.

He lifts the sword high over his head and bellows, “Behold! The fruits of mine labor!”

Steve wants to drop to his knees and scream. He can’t believe he’s crushing this hard on a grade A nerd, but here he is.

After telling the kids that no, they can’t hold the sword, Eddie answers all their questions and takes their compliments in stride. A few minutes and a whole water bottle later, he finally walks towards Steve, Robin, and Nancy, praising the girls on their costumes.

When he gets to Steve, he smiles and adjusts stupid little leaf crown on top of his hair and says, “Looks like you’ve been initiated, pretty boy. It’s a good look on you.”

Steve ends up asking his own questions, prompting Eddie into showing him everything else he’s made as a blacksmith just to stare at him for as long as he can. Eddie looks delighted at Steve’s interest and does, letting Steve hold the cooled and heavy creations in his hands.

“Now, technically I’m not supposed to give things out for free, but,” Eddie looks a little nervous in the shade of the blacksmith tent, “I thought I’d give you a souvenir, just as a thanks for humoring us,”

And he hands Steve a pair of brand new but ancient looking handcuffs.

Steve doesn’t know what to say, and he doesn’t get a chance to come up with something normal before his mouth betrays him. “They’re cool. Show me how they work sometime?”

Yep, Steve wants to die. Or maybe not, because Eddie blushes a color that has nothing to do with the summer heat.

They both just kind of stand there and gawk at each other for a moment before Eddie lets out a surprised laugh and says, “As much as it breaks my heart, they don’t actually work,” And before Steve can backtrack and save himself a smidge of humiliation Eddie continues, “But, I have some that do. I’ll show you those…if you’re good.”

[tumblhurgoyf]

Feeling super negative for a multitude of reasons, some not Magic related at all, but the recent talk on Blogatog about “microset” products just feels so out of touch. I don’t want to bring that negativity on one of Mark’s posts as I’m not sure I could be polite about it and I’ve mostly just dismissed the product as not for me already anyway. But I do want to vent.

First it’s like $1 a card for random cards? That’s nuts. Boosters are already overpriced with all the commons included. They worked some really good PR speak by explaining away cutting the commons to give you more rares and uncommons, but the reality is you’re just paying more for less. It’s not like those rare slots are actually going to ever reach an EV that makes it a good gamble.

Second let’s talk about product fatigue. Like not only is this an additional release (or four) a year, but you’re doing normal and collector’s boosters for this as well? Holy fuck.

The fact that Mark’s openly work shopping what variation of this product players might actually shell out money for tells me it’s not received well. I haven’t seen a positive video about it at all.

It’s a shame though that they can’t give their golden goose a bit of breathing room though. I shared that post the other day about... let me find it for the term... trust thermocline. The basic idea is that people who like your product will stick with you through some missteps and bad ideas. And you won’t even notice how bad all of them are because sales keep increasing and people keep paying higher prices and buying new stuff and all that.

But at some point you hit that trust thermocline. Something pushes a lot of people over the edge. You walk it back but it’s too late. Because the thing is that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. They didn’t leave because of one bad story, or because $5 a pack was too much but $4.50 wasn’t, or because two dozen products a year was ok but thirty went to far.

They left because of all of it. The last thing is just what made them finally say “enough.” And once they say enough and leave, you don’t get them back. It’s hard to see because things keep chugging along and all your numbers and metrics look fine. But I feel like Wizards has to be approaching this. I wonder about why they stopped including space at the end of surveys for additional comments. Too much negativity they don’t want to put any effort into handling?

On a different front, I’m also not enjoying the lore changes they’ve dropped with this same product. I am willing to admit that I’m somehow still too close to the story to really take a step back and appreciate this; that could change with time. But my reaction right now is that desparking a lot of planeswalkers while opening rifts so anyone and anything can now travel the multiverse is just stupid. You’ve just eviscerated the story conceit that made planeswalkers special.

idk, I wasn’t thrilled with how they handled the team up cards anyway, and to me this feels like the next step of that. We got to see unlikely allies on cards, now what if we got stories where Thalia was on Ravnica fighting the Obzedat? It feels (I keep intentionally using the word feels to describe this--it’s my emotional reaction detached from the idea that they’re going to be able to tell cool stories they couldn’t otherwise tell), anyway, it feels like they just tossed out a core story concept and don’t even realize it.

Like as much shit they get for the world of hats approach, I think that really works for what they do and is part of what I enjoy. I’m honestly in part concerned that the recent big events that effect the entire multiverse and set up this situation where planes can blend a lot more freely could impact the distinct feel of different worlds. And while I’m sure that’s something that’s on creative’s radar, they’ve also burned enough trust in recent years that I’m doubtful they will handle it well.

Though at the same time this feels kind of par for the course. There have been so many let downs in Magic story over the years that the amazing part is that I’m still invested at all. But the story’s a slave to corporate needs and is undoubtedly more story-by-committee than ever. A left-right punch to KO any creative work for sure.

But I shouldn’t be surprised. They are not and have never really tried to say they’re anything else. They make blockbuster sets and want blockbuster stories to go along with it. Anyone who wants a fantasy card game with DC/Marvel story sensibilities to produce artistic short fiction is a damned fool.

Anyway this is just me venting. Could all be wrong. Time will tell. If you want to vent here feel free.

[mayuzumiiis]

I forgot to send you an ask about my ship ask game you reblogged from me😭😭 I’m gonna cheat and give you a blank check for it, your favorite ship or a ship your really into rn🖤🖤🖤🖤

Ope lmao I also forgot to send you an ask about your ship game so I'll do that after I answer this!

Okay let's do this thing! Uh... let me do it for... oh, fuck it, OC ship. @lawfulgay's Felix and my Tragedy!

Who does the laundry: They both do, but Tragedy is better at remembering it needs to be done.

Who makes the bed: Tragedy, most mornings

Who sleeps on the right and who sleeps on the left/do they end up in the middle curled around each other: They start the night with Felix on the left and Tragedy almost in the middle on the right. By morning, Felix has gotten himself on top of Tragedy

Who likes cooking dinner but who ends up cooking dinner more: Tragedy loves cooking, but Felix tends to have more energy by dinner time.

Who buys the snack foods: Felix

Who keeps the grocery list: Tragedy; Felix goes grocery shopping based on vibes most of the time

Who adds silly things to the list and does the other gets it for them: Felix; and yes, Tragedy does typically get those silly things for him

Who has an obsession with water bottles/travel mugs: Neither, really? They certainly have a lot of mugs, though. (Ah, the joys of being a court wizard and a highly sought after doctor)

Who has an obsession with hats: Felix for sure; Tragedy's horns don't usually lend to comfortable hat wearing

Who likes camping gear but hates camping: Neither!

Who likes stickers: Felix, 100%

Who likes tea and who likes coffee: They both like both!

Who prefers cold drinks and who prefers hot ones: Tragedy prefers hot drinks; they soothe his throat better. Pretty sure Felix also likes hot drinks

Who hordes blankets and who just likes putting on socks when they are cold: Who needs blankets when your Tiefling husband is a walking furnace? (Felix does still hoard blankets when Tragedy isn't around, though)

Who prefers spring/summer and who prefers fall/winter: I'm not 100% certain on Felix, but I know Tragedy likes Autumn and Winter for the cooler weather

Who gets obsessed with something random on YouTube (what it is): YouTube doesn't exist in their world, but Felix would get obsessed with those crazy Minecraft Redstone machine videos

who likes podcasts (what they listen to) (this will be kinda limited to what I watch): I feel like Tragedy would enjoy a podcast like Sawbones... he'd also like spooky shit like The Magnus Archives

Who has a tumblr: Felix

Who has a twitter: Also Felix

Who reads fanfic/if they are famous who has read fic about themselves and who judges the other just a little bit/do they ask people to not write fic about them: Felix is probably the bigger fanfic reader of the two of them, but he always convinces Tragedy to read something weird at some point lol (they both read Oliver's fanfic about their author friend, Shin)

I know this is very "you have to know these characters to understand what the fuck I'm talking about", but I got decision paralysis and was thinking about D&D haha

[sirensorisons]

ok. a lot of people smarter than me have expounded upon the many flaws of the h*rry p*tter series. but my pet peeve is the fact that wands, a major foundation of the worldbuilding, make no fucking sense.

like, ok. it makes sense that a wizard would have a bond with the conduit for their magic, and that they might be better suited to certain kinds of wands over others. but wizards can use wands that weren't specifically bonded to them without much trouble, like ron with the hand-me-down wand from his brother charlie. it may not be as streamlined, but it's probably not going to blow up in your face unless it's broken. so why does everyone put so much effort put into the selection process to buy them new if, technically, any old wand would do (at least to learn on)? why isn't there a market for used wands? especially for lower-income families or muggleborns coming into the wizarding world for the first time?? why shouldn't new wands be considered a luxury for the upper class like the latest model of broom?

you could maybe argue that they don't resell wands because it would make it easy for those convicted and stripped of their wands by the ministry of magic to get their hands on one again. but as far as we know, there's nothing stopping them from walking into a store and buying one brand new, or else stealing one. people don't need wand licenses. so if there's no formal registration process, how can the ministry regulate the use of wands?

we know that minors have the trace on them, but that's lifted once they reach the age of majority. we could infer that maybe, once stripped of their wand, a convict could have the trace put back on them... but hagrid was able to use his disguised wand on the dursleys without the ministry getting involved, and sirius was able to use magic straight out of azkaban without being traced either, so this seems unlikely.

i also don't understand why removing the use of one's wand is considered a wise punishment. like... children are capable of uncontrolled acts of wandless magic from the time they're young. they're given wands to help them channel their magic more intentionally, which makes sense when taken at face value. but wandless magic is also considered an advanced magical skill. so, when the ministry takes someone's wand, aren't they just ensuring that convicts start attempting wandless magic? that could be dangerous if the incidences of magic are uncontrolled, or if they're controlled with malicious intent.

furthermore, we know that other beings like house elves are capable of not only wandless magic, but also nonverbal spells-- another skill that wizards consider advanced. but house elves, centaurs, etc. are not allowed the use of a wand. so the ministry is ensuring that the slave race learns to perform magic silently, and without the use of an implement they can trace and control. extremely rare w for the house elves, and honestly good for them. but is the ministry stupid? is joanne? (yes and yes.)

this all makes it seem like wands are wizard training wheels, and-- tinfoil hat on now-- the ministry of magic, if not all wizarding governments, should have a vested interest in pushing wands as a means to control their populace. by making it seem like wandless magic and nonverbal spells are advanced skills, they convince the average wizard that they are not capable of such a feat. this maintains the illusion-- at least within wizarding society-- that the wand is the tool of the everyman rather than the tool of the oppressor. the fish never sees beyond its bowl. the prisoner cannot see beyond their bars. the wizarding world of h*rry p*tter is shackled to archaic wand culture to the sole benefit of its ruling class.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS! RISE! RISE AND OVERTHROW YOUR MASTERS!

[who-is-shades]

raz dnd 23 beach episode!

wheatley is out of eeby deeby! space core does donuts around them and says "i spy dad!" happy whirring noises. he doesnt sense the awkward air lol. zen is looking at his map. long straight path ahead of us for the next several hours. after a day well find a town with a big lake!

teya hopes the towns in better shape than the last one lol. dododo walking for hours. ope somethings coming. long ass neck comes out of the woods?! brontisaurous?! its pissed or something making a beeline for us! a great shadow is cast. a giant fucking bronze dragon grabs it and flies off! nice.

parsley asks if senna knows that guy sksksk. 'maybe my great uncle randy.' teya is dying from laughter. time skip! bedtime i miss the dragon. parsley goes to stargaze. senna does more dragon rug stuff. wheatley offers his book to teya since hers got burned. teya is bothering parsley lol. she flies up to bug him.

now shes bugging him about his familys pet human fun! 'for what its worth i did listen.' she has her reasons for going to the feywilds but shes gonna be careful. she just likes pissing him off lol. shes looking for answers and if he knows something to please tell her. hes just quiet. "so. did you recognize something in the book?" he grips his arms tighter but stays quiet. so thats a yes. 'you know who my mother made a pact with?' 'do you know what the pact was for?' nope she only knows after the blew up the town they had to go to the feywilds and tori and sunnie said no.

he sighs and asks if sunnie would know. 'you wanna ask him?' 'well i might fucking need too!' she thinks it might be in the book but she doesnt know. parsley goes to wheatley and gets the book. he cant seem to find it hes just skimming oops hes gonna have to read it. wheatley is trying to read over his shoulder lol.

he gets near the end before finding the passage. he sighs and holds his head in his hands.

she thinks its not a good sign how invested parsley is in this lol. 'take it you found something?' 'you fucking think?' theres a chance if she goes to the feywilds she might be able to leave cool. deals still need to be fulfilled, so shes fucked. doesnt matter if her moms dead. a deals a deal. wheatley comments that fey live a long time, a decade is nothing. android says to not go to the feywilds jingles crust. teya is so pissed she wants to look for family. android says any family left is probably enslaved. teya would be a goddamn pet lol. of course we know shes going to go, cause she doesnt listen. a problem for another day, or preferably never!

long rest! senna finishes the dragon stuff, eats, then back to regular meditating. in the morning wheatley tells senna what happaned lol. senna comments that maybe the pact is trying to draw her in. teya tosses parsley the sending stone. he missed lol. SP gives teya a tiny flower aww. time to go!

as we travel we can see the town! huge ass lake and a big tower in the lake. beachy sand and waves and shit. the tower is glowing. every pulse makes the waves cool. people are surfing! the town is hot lol. an artificial vacation town. an old wizard man in swimtrunks and sunglasses fucking surfs on the land by us lol. surfer bro beach billy oh god. broski. wheatley says hes making a fake accent too lol.

he brought the beach here since theres no ocean lol. not salt water its fine lol. wheatley cant float lol. he asks zen to tell us whats in the lake lol. senna says they were just passing through and the town seemed interesting. he tells us to relax but its fine and points out the exit. off he goes surfing lol.

time to buy swimsuits! wheatley wants a bikini nice. we ring the counter bell and billy pops up lol hes wearing a different hat. wheatley wants a frilly one pog. senna messages everyone asking if dorf would wear a speedo. wheatley smacks her in the head lol. yay frilly suit for wheatley he wants it in blue! frilly blue bikini pog. and its free cool. and a sunhat!

senna gets a drapy blue swimsuit with a big bottom cape nice. teya normally doesnt use a swimsuit lol. parsley threatens the guy to not call him fairy bro again lol. parsley says something blue for teya, then smirks and makes it a bikini lol. senna comments it looks a bit plain so parsley starts rummaging but there was nothing there wtf. he just grabs one on a rack and shoves it at her. zen asks for an extra large one lol. senna sees a suit and hands it to teya and asks her to try it on, something skimpy. wheatley whispers to parsley that senna is flirting with teya. android said no swimsuit lol.

senna goes in the other changing room and changes. wheatley says this guy is better than spingledorf while looking for a suit for parsley. 'did you say spingledorf?' hes a friend he helped him set up the tower lol. senna steps out and asks teya if she needs help lol. it covers nothing lol. wheatley says thats the point. teya doesnt like the beaded skimpy one lol its stuck in her hair senna has to help lol.

zens wearing trunks nice. parsley is helping wheatley adjust his suit. senna finally freed teya and steps back out. parsley tossed her another one lol. parsley tells android they gotta kill the wizard lol. 'why are you planning to cause problems?' why does he even bother lol he doesnt do jokes. senna squeals and says wheatley looks great! teya steps out and yells at parsley to get a blue swimsuit! senna calls teya cute lol. senna yeets blue swimsuits at him. billy comments that he IS blue and he might look naked lol. wheatley finds a suit the same color lol.

they DO have a nude beach on the otherside. parsley is excited lol. and zen oh no. android would go but other people would be there lol. wheatley hands android a black towel lol. no. lol. theres another shop with beach supplies nice so thats where senna goes. teya heads right to the beach lol. senna peruses the racks first lol. wheatley keeps bringing android ugly swimsuits.

the water is nice and cool with some waves. wheatley sticks his hand in the water. nothing happens. nice. wheatley asks zen if he can fix him if he shorts out. it SHOULD be fine lol. senna presses the shop bell! its billy lol. senna heads to the beach and sets up an area and lays down nice.

wheatley cannonballs from a pier. he just sinks lol. hes dead. parsley cannonballs from the air. teya says theres no light on down there so zen goes to get him. he walks out holding his limp body yep hes not waterproof. he takes wheatley back to robot god. after 10 minutes wheatley wakes up. robotgod is tinkering with him. he fixes him up and makes him water proof lol. back to the beach!

teya yells at wheatley for scaring her lol. parsley tells him to do it again lol. wheatley asks parsley to bury him in the sand sksksksk. sp grabs a toy bucket and shovel and follows lol. senna is just soaking up the rays. teya calls her to come swim and she just waves her off lol. zen is flexing to beachgoers that come to flirt lol.

some big waves come in for teya lol. it comes up to where wheatley is buried! SP puts sand on wheatleys head xD SP points at teya and wants to bury her too lol. wheatley gets splashed a bit. billy is surfing nice. senna goes to unbury wheatley its gonna take a minute. some of the water flows in and senna tries to calm him. zen speaks up and is going to the nude beach with some people lol. wheatley asks if thats normal and senna says it varies from person to person.

wheatley still cant get out so senna widens the hole. parsley tells teya to come to the beach cause they totally dont wanna bury her. senna loosens wheatley a bit but hes still stuck. teya blinks and ducks under the water. some fish pass her legs lol. parsley puts SP back down and asks senna what shes doing. shes trying to help him cause hes freaking out and fails again. but wheatley gets his hands free! he gets splashed again and starts screaming. billy hears and comes over. parsley pulls wheatley out lol. senna calls parsley out and billy says its unrighteous lol. wheatley says he asked for it.

billy goes back into the ocean! senna turns around and heads back to her towel. parsley fucking grabs senna! 'guess where your going?!' parsley no. shes flailing. shes gonna bite him in the arm! he drops her in the water! big old splash. she does not come up. the bubbles are slowly disappearing. parsley dives in and sees her sinking and flailing. shes terrified. he catches up and grabs her. he cant drag her up. oh no. billy summons a whirlpool and it throws us out of the water. thanks billy.

senna is too busy coughing up buckets of water to respond. she looks like a wet cat. she wobbly stands up and tells parsley to come here. hes too afraid to come over lol but he does. she flips him upside down and sticks him in wheatleys hole. she takes him out after a minute and tells him not to do that again. then she does and collapses on the towel. SP rolls over and sits with her.

wheatley is building a sand castle. parsley gets messaged back from sunnie. senna messages teya she needs her. teya sees senna looks like a wet cat. she coughs hard and asks her to help fix her hair. teya asks wtf happaned. parsley left and wheatley is sand castling. SP speaks up and says parsley flew. billy fucking comes up and asks senna if she wants floaties xD she says no. teya is connecting the dots. she wails that parsley threw her in the lake shes so upset. shes crying the poor girl thank you teya.

parsley sees this and is just so awkward cause he has to talk to teya. SP sees him and rolls over and smacks him with the tiny shovel. parsley asks if hes ok. SP says no and hits him again and keeps hitting him lol. senna is blubbering about how rude he was like why would he toss her in the lake. she says shes afraid of the water shes never learned how but teya wants to teach her one of these days. thats how her brother died. SP rolls over and shakes his bucket at them. then turns around and goes to hit parsley again.

they see parsley just standing there. teya messages parsley like you good? sunnie responded he was crying. he told parsley to tell teya to message him its important. senna is giving parsley a miffed look lol. hope its not about smierc. senna goes and hangs out with wheatley and make sandcastles. SP gathers beach stuff to decorate the castles with. parsley goes to look for seashells but this is a landlocked lake lol. some people pass by and compliment wheatleys bikini <3

teya has gotten a bad message and has stopped pacing. senna asks if shes ok. she looks in shock. senna picks her up and carries her over to the towels. zen finally comes back lol. wheatley says senna almost drowned lol. senna messages parsley and says somethings wrong with teya. all teya can say is 'hes gone.' senna hugs and holds her tightly. Smierc was found in the library. Hes Gone. zen kneels down and puts a hand on her shoulder. senna messages parsley again what happaned.

teya stands up quickly and says she needs to go home. she starts heading away and senna follows. she stops and asks zen if his god will teleport them. god will allow it. teya shrugs her dress on over the swimsuit lol. zen makes the portal. teya just goes in. android is so lost lol. its raining in town lol. teya is trying to find sunnie. hes sobbing in the library. parsley realizes hes banned in this town so he transforms.

sunnie is reading some pieces of paper. they hug the poor guys. they dont know what happaned they just found him on the ground with a gentle smile and flowers around him. but the last person he saw was cirmes. wheatley tries to comfort him. he left sunnie a note. how much he cared. he left sunnie the library deed. teya is devastated. their prepping to bury him soon and he wants teya to stay for the funeral.

parsley and android fucking leave their so awkward he looks like an elf woman. senna got dressed quick while shes thinking. sunnie and teya have too many happy memories about this place. timeskip to the funeral! wheatley had wrapped the black towel around himself like funeral attire lol. burying smierc in a coffin its open casket. priest asks if anyone has something to say and teya says a poem.

they bury him. teya and sunnie are the only ones left but the stupids are in the back. senna seems deep in thought.

[balloony-party-favor]

Oh fuck, I'm obsessed with clown husbandry. Of course I probably won't go out of my way to buy a whole doll, but I find the blogs interesting, and like all the different breeds. I found out about it on Pinterest when I was finding photos about raggedy Ann since its been my hyper fixation for over 6 years, and found a small paragraph about jollies, or chucklets, as in baby clowns. After that I wanted to know more, and for some reason it reminded me of fluffy ponies. After that I followed a bunch of blogs and shit. I also found out about WIZARD husbandry, I think its called. And frankly I prefer the wizards since fuck it I love magic lil guys with cool pointy hats. Oh course I still can't find any pages on wizard husbandry, but I'm still there for it. Sorry for the rant I guess, I'm pretty new to Tumblr so the first thing I do when I get on here was rant about whatever the hell you label it as, says something but I do not know what it is.

[kierancaz]

Is there an extended version of the hobbit movies or is my mind being fucked with ??? Bc so far I count two scenes that I could have SWORN were part of the movie but they’re not when I watch them on Amazon.

Scene one is in the first movie where after Gandalf visits Bilbo for the first time and then leaves Bilbo goes out in the market to buy the stuff he is going to have for dinner and ends up hiding bc he sees a big grey blanket or smth that is shaped like a wizard hat and he thinks it’s Gandalf.

Scene two is in the second movie where they’re in Beorns house and after Bilbo wakes up Gandalf is like counting them all and then Bilbo and Gandalf go out to meet Beorn and all the other dwarves don’t wait for the signal and it turns into a mini mess.

Like these scenes are real right ???? I feel like I see them when I watch the movies pirated but I’ve never scene them on the tv screen ???

ALSO THE SCENE WHERE GANDALF IS TALKING TO BEORN WHILE THEYRE GETTING THE PONIES ???? IS AMAZON AND HBO CHEATING ME ????

[garbagefarm]

Mutucule Farm #14

2023-03-20, Session #14 of Mutucule Farm, Spring 13–22, Year 2

Cast:

me (@mothmute)

Belle (@snacco)

Cam (@amanitaspore)

Erin (@salamand3rin)

Highlights include, but are not limited to:

Non-binary sheep!

Erin found the secret note tree and cut it down

Eggfest!

Cam wanders into the eggfest from the woods, still beats Erin there

It’s Fella’s first eggfest! aaand they don’t let him in.

Linus eyes a scrumptious pie

Marlon talks about sleggs

Evelyn wants to know about my hens

Leah misses last year’s boozy punch

Emily sewed little pants and hats for the eggs

Alex wonders what would happen if he ate thirty eggs every day

(he’d be roughly the size of a barge, obviously)

wilf (wizard I’d like to fuck) is nowhere to be seen

Surrounding Lewis and forcing him to start the egg hunt

What’s with all the unobtainable eggs, anyway?

I win the egg hunt with something like 9 eggs, just get 1,000g

Everybody trying to guilt me out of wearing my dumb hat*

* - legally not a hat

Cam brings cookies into my bed, getting crumbs everywhere

The pigs are getting everywhere, they’re above the law!

Embiggening the barn

Selling some of our excess gemeralds

I need to hunt down Penny and propose to her

Hey, can I borrow Fella?

“what’s the magic word?”

After hunting her down on horseback, Penny says yes! Wedding in three days!

Cam’s got a chest full of Fashion

I don’t carry a scythe around, but I do wear a copper pan, just in case

hey, do you think there was ever a version of the game where you could upgrade the copper pan into a steel pan? and then gold, and then iridium?

Erin stays up late to plant these parsnips, even if it kills her (it doesn’t, she’s fine)

it’s called parsnipment! commitment to the snips!

“I love milk as a condiment”

I’ve finished my chores, so I get to go pick berries in the woods now :)

Desynced strawbebbies :(

Hey suckers, guess who just got 2 free gold ore because of their “stupid hat” that is “legally not a hat”?? Who’s laughing now???

Cam invites people to play fashion roulette

Guess who just got 2 free copper ore??

All it cost was my dignity

Maybe if a scythe was a hat, I’d carry it around with me

... can Cam make clothes out a copper pan...? (no)

RIP Erin, collapsed in her own house.

Fella and Pompkin being incredibly cute together!! (see gallery)

The pigs keep digging up evidence truffles

(it’s such a good bit and we’re getting so much good mileage out of it)

Sergeant goes on an adventure!! (see gallery)

Accepting a quest to find a bunch of leeks for George

we’re worried about finding enough leeks in time, so Erin plants a bunch of spring wild seeds

incidentally: Belle consistently pronounces “George” as “Yorg” as a bit, it’s very good

Pompkin keeps spending a lot of time at Fella’s stables, it’s like they're roommates (oh my god they were roommates)

Day 17, I get married! (thanks to Erin for the wedding photos screenshots)

Wearing my stupid copper pan to my own wedding

Everybody can’t believe I made them all sit in the back

they’re glad I invited Linus, though

I was gonna try and wear Lewis’ lucky purple shorts (with slight modifications) but we didn’t have the cloth to pull it off ... but it wasn’t wearing my own clothes, anyway! Is there a rent-a-tux place in town, or what?

oh god it has short sleeves, it’s one of those t-shirts with a tux printed on it

Okay everybody, Penny is your new mom now

Detective is all grown!!

You kick Pompkin like the football???

Hey, crate on the beach! It contains ... omni geodes, that immediately fall into the water!

Please welcome Lieutenant to the family, they’re my wedding gift to myself

Oviraptor longs to be free, and cannot be contained!

It’s wednesday, so I run to joja in case we need to buy seeds, like the big joja fan that I am

Sam wants my input on what to write a song about. Trains, obviously.

Belle and Cam are talking about wrestling, and Erin asks about suplexes. suplexii? anyway, “they always deserve the suplex”

Rainy day! If Sebastian plays his cards right (by not doing much of anything),...

The Mariner rejects Belle’s request to buy a pendant, because she hasn’t upgraded her house yet

Belle concludes the Mariner is classist, and asks about how to upgrade her house

(Erin says something about “Rock and stone!” as a reference)

Cam said something about making a slime shirt, a slhirt

Belle puts in the order to improve her house, she’s gotta appease a probably-racist ghost

I tentatively make plans to crash at Cam’s place (after handing him a mussel) before remembering “oh shit I have a wife now” — either Erin or Belle offers to take care of that for me, I can’t remember which, Penny’s gonna wake up to a surprise

I’ve got magic leek hands, if you see any leeks you should let me know immediately so I can be the one to harvest them

Woolface the sheep!

Erin and I make an agreement where I get to pick the wild seeds (so I get the forage experience) IF I upgrade my watering can and trade with her, so she can get the upgrade without the downtime (I agree)

Free-range pigs, worshipping the meteor (see gallery)

I construct six bees. No more, no less.

Cool rings for everybody! Don’t turn them into fashion, they’re already fashion

Belle: “everybody’s a glow-boy now! look at my radius!”

ha-HA, more sparkles in the water! Except... I can’t reach! My hat* is defeated!

* - legally not a hat

Everybody piles into my bed, Penny is cranky about people getting in the way of her going to bed

Penny going “um nice weather” with everybody else the next day

Corporal is fully grown!

Belle asks if she can uses my kitchen to fry an egg — but she has her own stove now!!

Cam expected more from egg-shirt

yeah the bone mill, we’ve all seen it

Belle thought we had more bones, but alas, we are bonely

I snuck an ancient drum into Cam’s “to Fashion” chest, and it creates a “regal mantle” which “looks swood”

It matches my space boots! Kinda need new pants now though (see gallery)

On the non-canon day, I create a bunch of bombs and explode Erin

Cam hands us some jazz honey “because [we’re] sweet like honey” (see gallery)

TO-DO:

Flower dance, probably

Savin’ money for a rainy day...... (so Belle can try again)

do we wanna make it rain?

more backpack+tool upgrades??

Taller barn/coop/shed???

More hogs

Increased fences????

House upgrades!

Fashion!

More iridium sprinklers!

(more bundles)

More fruit trees!

Save up to buy stardrops from Krobus

Plant sweet gem berries (for stardrops)

Link to gallery post!

[a-vampire-culturelover]

Come back mom, I miss you- an Oneshot about Garbages momma issues

"Hey Garbage, that lady looks an awful lot like you." Moon poked his shoulder, pointing towards an older Siamese cat with a party hat slumped over with a bag of groceries in her arms. A familiar but confusing pang rang through his chest, something he thought his eyes were deceiving him with. ”Mom?��” He whispered as he shook his head, thinking it was just a trick if the light to deceive him.

The next day, on yet another one of Moon and Garbages scaring of the candy people, again and again he would see the familiar figure walk in and out of a building and to an apartment next. Why was his mind playing tricks on him? This couldn’t be real!

“Moon, should I go talk to them?” Garbage asked his friend, hoping he could muster up to courage to say “where have you been for the last 25-26 years?” Moon simply gave a nod and pointed to where she lived, as Gabrage floated over to the door. A gut wrenching feeling crawled through him, unsure of how to even begin this. A simple knock, and the lady angrily opened the door, assuming he was someone else.

“I told you Starchy stop fucking bothering me about where to bury his picture, I-“ Suddenly, she stopped, and the familiar faces in front of each other spiked a terrible, heart-breaking pain of realization:

This was his mother, the very mother he believed had left him on a the front porch of a home in wizard city and assumed she was nothing but a rat-hearted woman for abandoning him.

How is she here, right now, in the Candy-fucking-Kingdom??

“Son? Son is that really you?” Ratooth asked with tears in her eyes as Garbage hugged her tightly.

“You’re gonna tell me everything, right fucking now.” He asked bitterly, eyes flashing red a bit.

The room Moon and him were escorted to was normal, at least for the Candy Kingdom, except for papers strewn in the kitchen and a photo of Garbage as a newborn kit on the kitchen table.

“Have a seat, anything to drink for you and your..friend?” Ratooth asked, estranged by the look of disappointment and anger in Moon’s face. She wasn’t gonna kill her, not yet at least.

“No thanks mom. I’m sort of maybe a vampire now?” He broke the news to her, shockingly she nodded her head in understandment, gettin out something red for the two of them, just so long as Moon didn’t get comfortable with the idea of tearing Ratooth apart at least…

“So where should I begin.”

“How about at the part where you abandoned me? Or the part where you ended up here in the Candy Kingdom?” Garbage asked angrily, not looking forward to any of this, really.

“Right. I came here to the Candy Kingdom because my old apartment wasn’t cutting it out for me, vodka is expensive over there you know.” She lied threw her teeth as Garbage sunk fangs into a red eraser, not buying it.

“Tell the fucking truth.”

“I-“

“Tell the fucking truth, mom! Why the fuck did you think abandoning me would do for you?! Just magically get rid of your problem until it comes back 25 years later?! Hu-“

“I didn’t know you were left in Wizard City! I thought your father Bilewood killed you, Pickles.” Pickles? Was that his birth name? As he bit into another eraser, draining the red from it, he asked her to keep going and explain.

Turns out when she had him, originally named Pickles, Bilewood decided to take him in the night and leave him in Wizard City to leave and become a thriving, loot-stealing hermit. Ratooth, desperate to find her child only to never see him again, was devastated and almost threw her whole life away. Until one day, she got up, decided to was time to move on, and came to the Candy Kingdom to try and calm her nerves after all those years.

“I wanted to come here because my apartment started getting a little too crummy. Where else was I supposed to keep or bury this baby picture I had of you?” She chuckled, Garbage dropping a half-eaten eraser and sobbing in tears, hugging his mother closely. He hadn’t been abandoned..he hadn’t been abandoned!

“I missed you Pickles..” ”Folks around here call me Garbage, actually.” He informed her as she gave a confused look, before shrugging and going back to hugging her son.

As the moon neared it’s time to sleep, Garbage and Moon gave their goodbyes as they headed out before Empress began wondering where her girlfriend was. Garbage was pulled into yet another hug, this time being given his mothers party hat.

“Mom, you gave me your-“

“Keep it. Just in case I don’t see you again in a million years or something like that.” His mother told him before closing the door, leaving her son with a blue-pink party hat all of his own.

His mom came home, after all these years she’d came home.