#yeah 1. i fucking had to be. my mum was dying and needed to be cared for

[simptasia]

bless all the nurses who sincerely told me i'd make a great nurse, during the months my mum was dying and i was taking care of her near constantly to the point of around the clock emotional and physical exhaustion. and then i'd have to, thank them but gently inform them I'm Only Doing This Well Because I Have To

[vesora]

is law of assumption real? yeah

i have come across an individual vilifying the loa community and i find their statements kinda funny and stupid but i love having my beliefs challenged bc i can know why i believe in this. please also read my response to this other girl who thought loa ppl were crazy. it is ok to think if it’s crazy. ur welcome to criticize it. also, i am using aesthetic pictures bc of my ocd, i need things to be divided.

this is for the people who want to listen whether LOA is real from MY perspective:

firstly, i was primed for law of assumption from a young age. this means that i experienced many and i mean MANY spiritual things from a young age. i saw spirits (not hallucinations, it was my dead grandma who i had never seen and i described her down to her ring to my dad and he started crying because it was her), started speaking french at random points without ever having consciously learned the language, heard random piano compositions in my ear which i had never heard before, had visions which protected me/warned me about the future/informed me about the future and many manyyy more things. this proves to me the power of the subconscious mind.

the difference between someone who was born with their third eye awakened versus someone who has no spiritual experiences + is not open-minded to it, is that they will view spiritual phenomena from a materialistic practical sense.

this is saddening, because humans before being impacted by materialism were so spiritual and we were the ones who created the pyramids and all the structures you see on earth. we did that.

anyways,

is it real?

my opinion: yes. 

no i am not in a cult waiting to pounce on the next vulnerable piece of meat. in fact, my future career is removing people out of cults and helping trafficking victims but anyways.

i have manifested things far beyond logic. you know how and why? because manifestation is the most basic human trait. and awakening to the fact that you are the creator of your reality is the most liberating amazing feeling and practice. i manifested one of my dying cats becoming free of cancer. that is not luck. that is manifestation. i manifested bad circumstances away. not luck, manifestation. i manifested all my exes leaving me the SAME way because i had assumed they would. not a coincidence, manifestation. there is definitely a lot we don’t know about the universe. i can’t say with certainty that all things are attributed to us which is also why i hate any form of victim blaming. but one thing is for sure is that humans have more control over our lives than we think. we don’t need a divine presence outside of us to dictate us the circumstances in OUR lives.

also, law of assumption is not law of attraction. law of attraction is “AHHH DONT THINK BAD THOUGHTS OR U WILL GET BAD JUJU” very fear-based, also seen in dogmatic religions. law of assumption uses a CBT based approach to change assumptions and therefore, influence reality. you have every right to not believe in this and even chastise me for it, i understand. however, i know this is real for me.

i was a victim of many racist attacks, however, as soon as i decided that the outside world is safe for me, i never had ONE negative experience. is this a coincidence? not for me, no. this is a human taking control of their life. this is a human not bound by societal expectations and leaning into divine energy and expressing the truest essence of one’s self. i am not blaming myself for being a victim, it is the racist’s fault. i am not blaming other victims, it is the perpetrators’ fault. however, if there is any fucking chance i can help a victim, i will take it, i do NOT care.

things i manifested regarding other people towards me:

1. no more racism towards me, family and friends.

2. parents being emotionally available with me

3. my friends expressing affection the way i want them to

4. my mum making me the exact food i visualised many times

5. my professor saying the exact words to me as i visualised

6. my friends saying to me the exact words i visualised

7. this guy flirting with me out of nowhere because i visualised it

8. and many more stuff this shit is too easy so

maybe i feel this strongly because i am a fighter for the working class. my main goal in life is to help liberate all oppressed people. if there is any chance that it can be done by mind, i would take it. would you not? would you not help people by the means you have helped yourself?

how can you so strongly and with such conviction without ever practising the law come to a conclusion that is a harmful new age ideology when the maxim prevalent in so many esoteric practices (yes, non-white too) have preached that reality is made by the mind? will we ignore the science behind it too? will we ignore the cia declassified documents? will we ignore ancient accounts of reality shifting? will we ignore hermes trismegistus? will we ignore rumi? will we ignore plato? 

you can ignore this. i won’t, however. this is the liberation of the human soul. having said this, anyone is welcome to criticise the LOA community, look at us as vultures, think we are crazy. i value all opinions (even if they’re wrong HAHA sorry). 

how is loa different from dogmatic religion?

well for one, there is evidence for conscious manifestation (e.g. dr joe dispenza’s books). i personally do not like religion. i have religious trauma so if you are religious, id advise you to not read this section. abrahamic religion is based on fear to oppress minorities, trap human potential and it also makes you rely on luck and wishful thinking (this view is only if the holy books were to be taken in the literal sense and abused by ministers etc) whereas the human is able to decide its own fate. law of assumption liberates the human by putting the human from an us vs them view to an us AND them view, meaning everyone is one and the same. this is not a christian thing, this is a well documented thing featured in asian philosophy. consciousness is the thing that unites us all. it is within you and it is within me. religion (abrahamic) forces you to look at the people who are not like you, aka dont believe what you do, as these other creatures who have defied the will of God and ahhh will face wrath. LOA instead empowers the individual and promotes free will. i understand if you think this is dangerous, the woo-woo stuff, just dont practise it.

how is loa not a cult?

loa CAN be misused in a cult but on its own it is not a cult. no one in the loa community is forcing the individual to join this practice which lowkey is just manifestation. however, i get your concerns and i advise you to read this reply: x

i wish i took pics of my cat when she was sick so i could provide u guys evidence but of course i didnt take any pics.

anyone is welcome to leave. anyone is welcome to adjust loa to their lives the way they see fit.

the void state

i doubt that so many people are lying about manifesting in the void state. i do think it’s not a big deal but i definitely don’t think it’s fake. besides, whats the harm in trying?

thing is right, if you are not garnering results or whatever, u dont need to stay. i stayed regardless of whether i manifested my shit instantly or not (which in the beginning was hard for me) because i believed in the philosophy, it resonated with me and it didn’t make me alienate my fellow man. however, if you feel you have a chance of being manipulated here or idk what, don’t join this practice. seriously, it’s okay. i am not being sarcastic or anything, because you are welcome to stay or leave. you are welcome to compliment me or insult me. i will love you either way for you are my fellow man.

also this is so random and a general thing but only psychoanalytic/psychodynamic psychologists use the subconsciously thing.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA: For wanting to take my bike to work when my sister has been borrowing it while i didn't need it?

I (24F) and my sister A (18F) usually see eye to eye on most things and she's one of my best friends. I'm in my last year of medical school and currently have my final exams - theory started on 16th January, practicals get over on the 16th of Feb, so that's a solid month of me dying - so I decided to study with a couple of close friends since group study is pretty much the only way through this exam.

While i've been studying with my friends for a while i moved into their house kind of exclusively on the 1st of Jan and at that point decided that since I was not really driving around on my bike, (we were using my friends bike for when we needed it), i told my mom (59F) that I'll leave my bike home for my sister A. She's been using it since and it's been about a month.

Last night I came home, by cab, to pick up some stuff and this morning I had to leave again to study at my friend's house. I however had a bunch of errands to run ( have to drop off some things at another friend's house, which is slightly out of the way, meet my boyfriend at the hospital where he's working to pick up some more things and then go to the friend's house to study).

So I told my mum "hey I'll need the bike", and she said yeah ok - and today she had to leave early in the morning while I was still asleep so she left.

When I'm all packed ready to go - my sister asks me "Are you taking your bike" and i say "yeah" and she storms off and slams the door and calls me a bitch and I'm at this point a little thrown and as a person I'm very very quick to anger (and I'm WORKING on that) - but I try not to yell back and i ask - "obviously I'm taking my bike it's my bike?" And she says "mom told you to take the OTHER bike" (-the other bike is an ancient little thing that i absolutely hate driving and I don't see any reason to) so I told her that 1. I told mom I needed my bike and 2. it makes no sense that I'll take the shit bike when I have to drive twice as much as A does.

She continues yelling at me from the other room about "oh so if you're a better driver you should take the shit bike" and i didn't fucking get how that had anything to do with this and I told her so (before this month that she's been using my bike, she would use the shit bike no problem - especially since she drives much lesser than i do)

(STILL haven't yelled back at this point btw this has been a whole 5 minutes and that's an improvement bec usually - when you yell at me I yell back)

And when she keeps at it i ALSO snap and yell back that she needs to fix her mood and stop yelling at me bec I can also yell at her + mom told me I can take the bike + even if mom said take the other bike, why would I when (^ above mentioned reasons AKA: 1.it's my bike, 2.i have to drive further you just have to drive to college and back PLUS you're going for a college fest I'm going to STUDY for my final exams AND 3. I have chronic back pain)

The minute I yell back, sorry sue me, she starts off on how I started the fight and i am about to scream bec I didn't start ANYTHING - and when i tell her that I didn't start fucking shit - she screams about "yes you did and you're gaslighting me just go take your fucking bike" and now, i know I could have just taken it but I hated feeling like she's acting magnanimous as if it isn't MY bike that she's returning, which i specially left for her for so long so she could have it a little easier - and I'm super mad at her for throwing around words she doesn't understand fully ((p.s. Instagram reels are a plague - who let 16-18 year olds have access to terms like this when they don't understand them)) and I'm yelling at her that she needs to stop using psychologic terms when she doesn't understand them and she's yelling that just because I'm studying these terms doesn't mean she doesn't know what they mean - and I'm getting so angry because clearly she DOESN'T???

And then to make it a million times worse my aunt (70F) (who is currently being treated for cancer and supposed to go get a blood transfusion in 1 hour), is getting involved and telling us to stop fighting and neither of us is shutting up bec we're so riled up.

My aunt gives me cash to take an uber and I'm a person chronically CRIPPLED with guilt about spending ANY money but i can't even Think about driving the shit bike bec I'm just so tired from exams and associated exhaustion, so I take her up on the offer - and my little fucking sister from the other room goes sarcastically "Aww poor R leaving her bike and spending a billion bucks" and my aunty now (finally) calls her out saying "that's not nice A she's leaving the bike and you will not comment on the money." And A yells at her too and then storms out and takes the shit bike out of anger or rebellion or something - and at this point I've booked the uber and the driver is here at the door so I jsut fucking leave and I'm typing this is the car fucking seething but also questioning if I'm the asshole???

[A point about "my" bike is that I did not buy it, I'm a broke student, my mom bought it when I got into med school and I've used it for almost 5-6 years now, it's mine like that - my sister only started driving like 5-6 months ago.] My bike is in great shape and she will use it as hers once I leave the house to work when my degree (the one I'm CURRENTLY giving my final exams to pass) is done, so in about 3-4 months. We've been strapped for cash since my father passed away 9 years ago, but we'll be a little better off when I start my internship and start earning soon.

Anyway sorry don't yell at me

☀️☀️☀️ to find easily later

She's not usually an asshole i keep telling myself she's just going through being 18 years old and that is just a shitty time but these blowups happening in the middle of my exam week is just SO unfair I'm just. I don't know anymore

What are these acronyms?

[blingblong55]

Just a bet - Philip Graves

This is the alternative ending to Part 2 (Part 1 is here)

Based on a request:

Based on a request: Can I make a request, please of a heartbreaker Graves x Naive/Innocent Fem!reader? (Am in need some feelings hurt to feel something) Prompts; - reader is a general’s daughter, whilst grave is an ambitious soldier who aimed to be a captain (or somewhere along the lines) - There were bets of who can f-ck the general’s daughter happening behind the scene among the soldiers, and Grave decided to join in - Unfortunately reader, fell in love with grave. Found out it just a bet, felt betrayed and heartbroken. I hope this is okay with you, also it's okay if you don’t want to do it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 tqsm!

F!Reader, angst, implied sexual relation

A/N: All too well (10min. version (Taylor version)) - Taylor Swift and you'll see where I got my inspiration.

There you stood in an empty hallway before reaching the mess hall, heartbroken and all hope lost.

It pained you to know that he didn't want you for your way of thinking or who you are as a person but for a stupid bet, loose change for some and a dick move from him. You walked away, the hoodie he had given you last night in your hand. You drop it and continue walking away.

What went so wrong last night that he just hurt you this way?

--

You, out in the cold of the night as you wait for your dad to get off work. You were in your civilian clothes, ready to just head home and sleep. "It's cold, don't y'think?" Graves walked up to you, hands in his pocket. "Yeah, little cold," you respond.

"Dad almost out?" he asks, standing next to you. "Yeah, he should be out soon." He noticed you had chills from the cold wind, "Here, take my hoodie." He removes it and hands it to you. "Thanks," you put it on and smile at him. "No problem."

As you waited for your dad, you and him talked. It was strange, to see him like this. When no one was around, he was so soft and sweet, and always knew what to say to make you blush. To be honest? He enjoyed that time with you, made him feel more human than a soldier like he could ever feel.

--

As Graves went back out from his lunch with the guys, he noticed his hoodie was on the floor, the same one he lent you last night. "Fuck." He whispers and picks it up. Smells like you and him. You probably heard it all.

"Have you seen R/N?" He asked almost all the soldiers near him. All either asking him if he was going for 'round 2' or if your dad was okay. Once he saw you walk into the women's bathroom, he understood that he just had to give you space. For 20 minutes he waited outside, not letting the other female soldiers in, 'maintenance' was his excuse. You cried, washed your face and walked back out, pretending you weren't just crying over him.

"R/N?" His voice was soft, full of regret and some hope. "Leave me alone." You began to walk towards your dad's office, your excuse was 'Mum will need me for dinner and I have to go now.'

"It wasn't just a bet, R/N. You have to let me explain." He was desperate, that is for sure. You continued walking and he kept up with your pace. Once he knew no one was around, he pulled your arm so you could stop walking. "You don't get it, okay? I like you, I really do and those guys-"

"You used me for a stupid bet, Graves! Who does that?" You interrupt his lame excuse. "Please, hun. I care so much for you- I was just playing pretend with them. If they know I have a soft spot, someone that makes me happy, excited and so damn cheesy they'd make fun of me."

"Are you embarrassed by me?"

"No, no no no...I'm actually proud you chose me. You are this smart, skilled, so funny and beautiful girl and I...I don't know why I took the bet, I really don't." He sighs, his head hands low until he looks at you.

"You are my weakness and if this got out, gosh hun I...they would hurt you, people that hate me would hurt you. Can't you see I'm dying here for you to understand?" So desperate but full of truth.

Your eyes are teary once more. "Why did you take that bet?"

"Because I am a dick. A selfless man at first but then I got to know you, how I began to understand who you are as a person, this amazing soul and the girl I seriously want to date and live my life with."

All the nights when he and your dad would talk and laugh at stupid jokes. How he sat in the armchair and your dad next to him in his. Impressing him, making plans so you and him would spend Christmas with your family. The wink or look he would give you when he sipped coffee.

"I mean it, what I said that night as you trusted me with your body. How I worship you, the way I kissed your body, how good it felt to be held by you as I made you mine over and over. Don't you remember? Our bodies radiating the love we felt, please hun, just please listen to me. It was not just a bet for me, it was and is the best moment of my life." He got closer, hands holding yours. "Please give me a chance to prove I love you."

Three words that to this day, as you walk down the aisle to him hold onto. And he did prove it, ever since then he has proved how much he loves you. Not everything was dead like he thought because not everything was a bet.

Tags: @casimodull

[charlottedabookworm]

Dawntrail Day 7+8 (part 1/2)

spoilers up to: lvl100 msq quest Dawntrail

original draft date: 4-5/7/24

scheduled release for: 31/7/2024

working on day 7 so i’m merging these. since i’ve only got a couple hours i'mma do my tribals on picto and then do the instance i stopped at yesterday, hopefully get close to a dungeon/trial unlock but really not got much time. day 8 i'm finishing up msq 100% no matter how long it takes me and then hopefully doing the two optional dungeons!

*

…completely forgot that zoraal ja gave the order to kill all the civilians in solution nine

nice way to start the morning

*

“I have no more use of you, begone”

hmmmm thats an odd thing to say considering you were claiming he wasn’t your son before

fingers crossed nothings up with gulool ja

*

annnnd fade to black with the echoing sound of an execution shot lovely haven’t heard that since shadow ringers

*

pfft that last one!

except i really don't care what sphene thinks ngl

*

otis is back!

yes!

really didn’t want to kill him

*

damn

he was a good guy

*

okay but-

where is erenville?

they wouldn’t kill him off offscreen i know that much but we’d better not find him dying i swear to fucking everything I will-

*

*stares at crying child*

fuuuuck i really hope you're not a trap

*

oh thank fuck he's alive

also sorry your mums dead and has been a probably a long time mate

*

huh

he didn't mention it

why didn't you mention it erenville, what are you thinking rn?

*

no, please

this actually is important information to have

considering your mum is possibly the same sort of endless otis is and she had to end up that way somehow

*

love looking at this ngl

so much easier and nicer doing it as you progress through the zones

*

i made it to the fifth dungeon unlock but since there's almost certainly a trial afterwards and i have barely enough time to do the dungeon if i zoom through it, i'mma wait and do it in the morning

soooo wondrous tails time for picto ig

*

oh

thats just rude we didn't need that

*

ayyy alphi esti and shtola!

only reason theyve shown up just before i should be unlocking a trial is cos it can be done in trust? maybe? pls?

*

fuuuck that looks like a voidgate to me

zoraal ja wtf have you been doing

*

oh?

could it maybe lead to whichever reflection the alexandrian's are from

final zone in another shard? maybe?

*

so ig it’ll be like ‘we beat him he flees we chase’

boom final zone and trial and dungeon?

either that or sphene will actually be the final boss which still wouldn’t surprise me

*

the framing reminds me of hades ngl

like it tho

*

i know you're having a crisis but has it occured to you that you were born because your dad liked kids? like i know your entire existence is like. a miracle and gulool ja ja didn't know he could have bio kids til you were born but that man obviously lived for being a dad

*

this music-

just gonna sit here and listen to this for a bit before i enter the trial lol

*

genuinely forgot that y'shtola used to run around as a conjurer

it feels like so long ago now lol and i half expected them to have rdm healer ali again

*

okay his second phase actually looks cool

and isn't a massive floating head sitting at the edge of the arena which gives many bonus points

*

zoraal ja looks pretty dead to me and we still have a dungeon and trial to go so-

sphene, cachuia, or some third unknown threat? taking bets now

*

yeah it’s sphene 100% isn’t it

‘deliver my people’ huh

*

yeahhhh there we go

*

once again, i agree with ali

how many will you slaughter, sphene, so that your endless (yourself included) will live another day

how many children will you sacrifice so that your may live your hundredth lifetime

*

but they aren't remembered

i'm gonna scream how dare you say that when your system removes the memories of a deceased person from everyone who knew them

how dare you-

*

how dare you bring his mother into this

his mother, who everyone from his village has forgotten because of your system-

i-

*

don't worry koana, it's not the first time

this is basically a tuesday for me i'll keep your sister safe

*

i love him he's so sweet

i'm so glad gulool ja didn't turn out to be a trap

that probably would have broken my heart

*

that graphics update really looking peak on the af gear

wow

look at that metal

(now to time glam back over it)

*

so thw question is

another dungeon immediately?

huh nope

*

ooooooo it so pretty

it has canals

*

cachuia i'm guessing

i see where erenville gets the pretty from

*

oh

oh erenville love you're not going to take this well

your mother is dead and alive (did she get a choice? did they just pluck up her memories adn make her endless?) and she wants them all to die again

*

i love this

but also raha breaking my heart every expansion he's in

love him for that

*

oh so we're continuing to traumatise both erenville and wuk lamat i see

great

wonderful

thank you very much for that square

*

screaming crying throwing up why are you doing this to me

*

"I'm put in mind of Lyhe Mheg"

a tribe quest reference? in my final fantasy 14 msq?

*

this cutscene is legit one of my favourite parts of the expansion

sure we gotta shut down the memories of all these kids but we'll give them something nice before that

*

ayo wtf

those are kriles bio parents

so i see we’re spreading the trauma to krile to join with erenville and wuk lamat

glad she can maybe get some closure tho

*

love raha running up to krile and her parents and just chomping down on ice cream to break the ice between her parents

he’s such a good friend

*

....oh i hit the image cap.

alright part 2 incoming

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Forgotten Ties - Chapter 17 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

"So, there's something I should probably tell you if we're going to be sticking together for a bit," Aris said not long after they all set out together in the direction of the abandoned town. "So... I don't really die. If I'm fatally injured, there'll be a big burst of flames and then, bam. An egg. I will be inside the egg."

"You... turn into an egg instead of dying?" Nim asked. "And then what?"

"Well, then you just chuck the egg in a fire, it hatches and there'll be a baby with cute little wings inside. The baby will be me. Then you just raise the baby until adulthood and there you go. I'm back."

"Oh, is that all," Nim said. "I know how long that takes. I've been around all these little fucks for months and they've barely grown."

"Well, considering that when other people die they're just dead forever, I'd say it's relatively convenient," Aris said. "Besides, I start remembering within a few years, so I'm an easier kid than most. Still a kid, mind you but a precocious one."

"Let's try to avoid it anyway," Nim said. "We already have enough kids to take care of. A baby is the last thing we need."

"I mean, I'd prefer not as well but you know." Aris shrugged. "It does happen from time to time."

"You're a lot older than you look, then," Marigold said. "I assume you've been through that process of rebirth at least twice if you're as comfortable with it as you seem."

"You'd be right about that," Aris said. "The first time, I had no idea I could do that. I actually died of like... old age, I guess. I thought I'd lived a full life and my time was up and then... nope. Second time, I died young, taking stupid risks because I thought I was invincible. Turns out I am, so no big deal. Third time was actually on purpose. I fucked up my wing so bad there was no going back, so back in the egg I went. The last time was a car accident and it's the reason why I now tell everyone I spend any time with at all what to expect. Nobody knew what the deal with the egg was or what to do with it, so someone took it home and shoved it in storage somewhere. Took twenty fucking years and a fortunate housefire for me to hatch out."

"I'm not sure the homeowners would have considered it fortunate," Nim commented.

"Well, look, nobody died. What's a little property damage if it means I get to hatch? Do feel free to wait until you're somewhere safe before hatching me, though. Seems like the egg can just sit around indefinitely with no special care and be fine, so..." Aris shrugged.

"I like eggs," Skye commented. "Yum."

Aris raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a threat?"

"No, I'm just hungry."

"You can eat as much as you like, Skye," Marigold said. "We're going to restock at the abandoned town, so we don't have to conserve resources right now."

"Cool," Skye said. "I'm going to eat a whole box of salami sticks."

Skye did not end up eating a whole box of salami sticks because he shared some of them with Nim but he did eat most of them, followed by half a bag of old cereal he found buried at the bottom of his own bag.

He fell to the back of the group while he was busy eating and Nim stuck by his side even though he seemed to find it awkward to walk so slowly with his long legs.

Skye ate the last of the cereal crumbs and shoved the empty bag back into his backpack.

"Nim?"

"Yeah."

"Are we still going to have a cabin in the woods now that your mum's still alive? Or... was that ever a real thing or was it just something to think about to make us feel better?"

"Well..." Nim shrugged. "I don't know what'll happen or where we'll end up. Of all the possible futures, though, the one where we have a nice little house in the woods together seems like a pretty good one, right?"

"Yeah," Skye said. "I just really wanted that to actually happen."

"Me too."

"Yeah but..."

Skye shook his head.

"It's hard to explain. I've been alive for so long, Nim. Maybe I wasn't really conscious for most of it but I was always searching. I was trying to find people who I could be close to. That was what brought me back every time but it never worked out. It never lasted. I know all of this is hard for you as well and you just want it to be over but..."

Skye gave a frustrated shrug.

"I get it, Skye. I know you're not trying to one up me or anything. It's different for you. There's more to it."

"I just don't want to go away again. I want to stay this time."

"I'm not going to make any promises I don't know for sure I can keep but I will promise that I'll fight for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you don't get lost."

"You are very strong, so... okay. I won't worry about it. Thanks."

Nim smiled and gave Skye a shake of his head.

"You're welcome."

[chudleycanonficfest]

For Good

Day 5, Story #1 is by @accio-broom

Title: For Good Author/Artist: accio-broom Pairing: Ron & Harry Prompt: Brother from another mother / Song Fic Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): A small amount of peril

They should have known the fight wasn’t going to go their way when they entered the warehouse, but determined to prove their skills as newly graduated Aurors, Harry and Ron barrelled ahead anyway. And now, only ten minutes later, the chaos of the fight is overwhelming them.

Five rogue Death Eaters have backed them into a corner. The rest of the Auror team are here, somewhere, but despite Harry’s loud pleas, nobody comes to save them.

Harry’s heart pounds in his chest as he clutches hold of his best friend. Curses whoosh above their heads, crashing into the stone wall behind them. The taste of dust from the rubble dries his mouth. There has only ever been one other time he’s felt like this, desperate and out of his depth, and he died then, too. 

He is expecting the outcome of this fight to be the same.

There’s so much Harry still has to do. He doesn’t want to die yet. Harry wants children and the chance to have a family with the woman he loves. He hasn’t waited nervously at the top of an aisle for Ginny’s appearance in a white dress to take his breath away. Heck, he hasn’t even had a chance to propose. There are still rooms in their new cottage that they have yet to christen.

It’s too soon. The redhead beside Harry cringes against the wall. Ron still has his whole life ahead of him too.

A purple curse hits Harry square in the chest, stealing the last of the breath from his lungs. His body grows rigid, but his cry echoes around them.

Ron calls out, shielding his friend with his own body as he clutches Harry’s dirty robes. “Harry! No!” 

“Ron,” Harry croaks. “What’s happening?”

“Stay with me, Harry. You’re going to be okay.”

The room around them is growing dark. This is the end.

“I just want to say thank you, Ron. For everything. You didn’t have to be my friend that first day on the Hogwarts Express, but you took me on and let me be a part of your family. And then, you even allowed me to date Ginny.”

“I don’t think—”

Harry can’t let his best friend interrupt this, not when there are so many important things he needs to say before he breathes his last breath. “I just want you to know.” He inhales deeply, coughing as a cloud of dust fills his lungs. “B-because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

A hack takes over his body, burning his throat as he fights with his last grasp on consciousness. The light dims, so Harry chooses to focus on Ron’s deep ocean blue eyes staring back at him, concern pouring out of them as they sparkle with tears.

And then Harry sees no more.

⁂

Warmth shines on Harry’s face. Nothing hurts, and none of the usual thoughts troubles him. 

Everything is good.

When he first opens his eyes, he expects to see King’s Cross station and Headmaster Dumbledore waiting to ask Harry if he wants to move on or stay behind. Harry’s not sure if he’d like to be a ghost. He hasn’t had much time to think about it, which is quite peculiar for a man who always seems to be on the edge of death. He hopes Dumbledore will congratulate him on a good job again. Harry quite liked that before.

But instead of the beautiful Victorian arches and pale green benches hidden behind a light smattering of ethereal fog, all Harry sees is white. No kindly old mentor waits to greet him, and there’s no squawking corpse of his enemy there to help him ponder the real meaning of life.

So this is what dying is really like?

At least it’s cosy wherever he is. The bed he lies on is comfortable, and crisp, white sheets envelop his body. A steady beep fills his ears, and it smells clean. He’s going to like it here. Harry is about to close his eyes and drift back off to sleep for a while longer—he has all the time in the world now, after all—but a long, black blurry shape appears in front of him. As he grows more awake, he can hear other things, like the shuffle of papers and the scratch of a quill against parchment.

With a frown and a groan, Harry tries to sit up, but the action hurts, and he gives up before he’s even given it an honest try.

The blur speaks to him. “Stay there, mate. You’ve had a bad few hours.”

“Glasses?” Harry manages to croak through dry, chapped lips. “Where are my glasses?” 

If he’s still alive, he at least deserves to be able to see correctly. The shape presses a familiar metal into his hand, and gingerly, Harry lifts them to his face. Forms become sharper as the world finally shapes into focus.

“Welcome back.” Ron beams down at him. “You’ve been out for a couple of hours.”

Harry’s confused. “W-what happened?”

“Ah, mate.” Relief floods Ron’s face. “It was awful. Selwyn and his buddies cornered us, and I thought we were done for, especially when they hit you with that curse. Fuck knows what that was—the Healers were utterly stumped. You were fucking paralysed, Harry.

“They were about to hit me with the same thing when Smythe and the others finally found us, the lazy gits. They arrested everyone. Otherwise…” The redhead trails off with a sigh. He pauses, a mournful look crossing his face. After a moment, he shakes whatever thoughts are haunting him out of his head, and his usual lopsided grin reappears. “Anyway, I managed to grab you and Apparate us out of there. Brought you straight here.

“The healers are still running tests, but I think you’re going to be okay.”

Harry nods, memories of the fight roaring back into his mind. He scrunches his eyes tightly closed, trying to ignore the throb of pain. Maybe he bashed his head? Then with a groan, his final words to Ron echo, like the final moments of a love film.

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

“Paralysed, was I?”

“Yeah, I was trying to get you to move your fingers and your legs and stuff but nothing. Although it, uhm, it didn’t shut you up. You couldn’t stop talking.” Ron’s ears turn pink, and he takes a sudden interest in the top left corner of Harry’s sheets.

Harry’s not sure he wants his friend to repeat whatever he said. The memories are cringe-worthy enough. “Oh?” he questions anyway, inwardly kicking himself as the word falls out of his mouth.

A silent nod confirms Harry’s suspicions that whatever he thinks he said was actually spoken. Ron doesn’t say anything else. A flicker of movement from a diagnostic charm distracts both their attention, and Harry’s best friend glances up at the door with glassy eyes. He clears his throat before finally looking back at Harry.

“So, I owled Ginny and Hermione. And Mum, of course. Now I know you’re not going to die, I think I’ll go and wait outside for them. They’ll want to see you, and I don’t think Mum will do well trying to battle the Welcome Witch for an answer this afternoon. Plus, if anyone hears that the famous Harry Potter is in here, we’ll never get a moment’s peace.”

“Sure, thanks, mate.”

Harry closes his eyes again, letting the sound of trainers squeaking against the linoleum track Ron’s movements towards the exit. To Harry’s surprise, a surge of disappointment tugs at his heart. He confessed his true feelings to his best friend, told him how much he means to him, and got nothing back.

“Oh, and Harry?” 

Ron’s voice breaks through Harry’s brooding, causing the wizard’s eyes to shoot open as he lifts his head from his pillow just enough to glance at his best friend. “Yeah?”

“I love you, too.” Ron’s grin widens, and there’s a cheeky glint in his eyes. “Just wish you didn’t wait until you were on your deathbed to say it.” 

The ginger git’s glowing pink ears disappear before Harry can even reply. Harry sinks back into his bed, a small smile crossing over his lips. 

He knew it.

[brlankinney]

✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

[natsukitakama]

What kind of Yandere are they? Snk edition Pt 1

Author note : I have no excuse, I just thought about it. This obvisouly won’t be in canon-verse because it was more convenient for me but feel free to adapt this the way you want. 

Before we started, let me reminds you those relationships are TOXIC please be careful. No one should treat you the way they did in this headcanon, you’re precious and deserve someone who’ll be able to take care of you properly. 

Warning : violence / Mention of stress / Toxic relationship / Smut (kinda explicit but you can skip it if you want to) if you don’t feel confortable wit those kinds of things don’t read, I want you to feel good on my blog this is a happy place. 

i do not own those gifs credit to their owners 

Edit : Every characters are all aged up for the sake of my mind

Masterlist  Part 2 here  

Mikasa 

She is the most brutal yondere

Remember Yuno Gasai ? Yeah, she learned from the best. 

To the outside, she is nothing but sweet. She tended to be kinda shy around everyone. It’s not a surprised she was so popular especially with boys. But she wasn’t interested on anyone. 

Until she met you, both of you were assigned on a project : you thought it could be great idea to ask her to come into your house so you could work properly. That’s what your first mistake. 

Your second mistake was you let her on her own in your room for a couple of minute (because you were looking for some snacks to here). She obvsiouly snicked around, she looked at your family photo, at your collection, the book you owned, your closet. She even went until going into your bed just to catch some of your perfume. That’s basically how her obsession over you started. 

When you went back with some sweets, you found her waiting for you, smiling and it melt your heart : since your first day you had a small crush on her but she didn’t seem to acknowledge it. She always acted like she didn’t care about everything which was true in fact but you didn’t know that. 

Then you started to work together and it was fantastic. It was as if you were connected, she was nothing but sweet with you always laughing at your jokes (even the bad one), always trying to help you. You felt overwhelmed by her kindness. 

How wrong were you. 

Every movements had a purpose, she tried to seduce you. To make you fall in love, so she could protect you properly. Indeed if you were too deeply in love you won’t notice how wrong your relationship was, how toxic she was with you. 

What kind of yandere is she ?

BRUTAL : she is strong, she is smart and she isn’t afraid to use her strength against anyone who could be a danger to you. Basically, anyone who used to bully you, look at you the wrong way, talking about you like you were some shit, anyone who’ve ever been mean who would beat the shit out of them. She would never put a finger on you though. She would never use violence against you cause she doesn’t need that. In fact when you realized you were dating a Yandere it’s already too late, you’re too deep into your relationship to ever think about leaving her. She got other way to keep you by his side. 

SADISTIC : I said before that she would never put a finger on you, I kinda lie. Of course she would never beat you or hurt you by using her strength, her fist or anything. But also told you she got other way to keep you into your relationship. Two words : Torture and threaten. She won’t be afraid to torture you but threatening you : your family, your pet, your friend, your colleague ; little by little you got used to live knowing there are a sword of Damocles above your relative’s head. If she can’t still be sure you won’t run away from her, she would torture physically. Meaning she’ll kidnapp you and lock you up on a room with no window. She tends to use social’s privation a lot cause everytime she finally frees you, you’re always more kind with her (she takes that as a sign of love while you’re just being afraid of being lock down again). 

FRIGHTENING :  Kinda be seen as a way to torture you as well, she knows she tends to be kinda dreadful. She isn’t afraid to use her csarry face in order to keep you obedient. Let’s be real, we all see her scary face at least once : who’s gonna have enough balls to threaten her ? Yeah you got it. There no way someone would be brave enough to test her. 99% of the time she just has to send you a death glare and everything is in order. 

POSSESSIVE : I mean even Canon!Mikasa is possessive, so imagine with a Yandere behavior. She won’t let anyone put a finger on you, it could be a gentle gesture but still no one can touch you. They don’t deserve your time, your oxygen, you’re far too precious for her. At the beginning of the relationship she struggled when she saw you talking with anyone, the worst was when she could see you enjoying your time. It broke her heart, she was afraid they might steal you away from her. You’re her everything, she couldn’t lose you otherwise what’s the point of being alive ? Everything she would do to you is to protect you. 

She is basically the kind of person to keep a part of your body if unfortunately you end up dying. She would probably keep one of your arm so she could still feel your hand on her cheeks, and your head so it was as if you never left her. 

When it came to sex, she uses it as a gift or a way to show you how much she craves for you. She tends to be pretty rough in bed with you, but she always make you to give you proper foreplay, she is just too into you (literally), so lost in her own pleasure of being one with you, her beloved. She worships you so much to the point you might start to think you are some kind of god to her. There no inch of your body, she didn’t kiss, caress. 

She loves giving you head, just the though of you crying from pleasure just because of her. It never failed to boost her confidence. Believe me when I say she is super focused on your pleasure. With a couple of session, she knows exactly where to bit, where to lick you so you would be a whole mess because of her. She never expects you to give her head but if you ask( hear:  beg) she’ll oblige. 

Having you on your back waiting for her is a sight she would never forget even when she’ll be dead. For her it’s like a piece of heaven, having you here defenceless knowing you trust her so much. She might come just by this sight. 

Your moan is her favorite thing of the world especially when you call her, begging her for release. She isn’t really a Dom in bed more like in control. She needs to be in control otherwise you might hurt yourself. That being said, it doesn’t stop her from slapping your ass while she fucks you : she loves seeing your cheeks being read from her hand, marking you. Well it always turn her on for a second round. 

Nonetheless, she doesn’t have a huge sex drive so it doesn’t happen as much as you expect. She prefers some cute gesture such as hug or kiss, they are more meaningful. Sex is more a way to release some tension. 

Eren 

The manipulator 

He likes to pretend he has an innocent crush on you. 

It’s everything but innocent but no one can tell

I mean follow you in every social link isn’t very bad ? Kinda awkward but nothing to be afraid of. He takes advange of his glorious build to cross some lines, he knows that you were far too happy to notice his wrong behavior. 

He noticed the way you look at him when you thought he wasn’t noticed, he knows you were attracted to him. At first he found it kinda boring, but one day when he decided enough was enough and he should confront you : the way you talked to him trying to find your own words while being a whole mess. He never saw someone as pure as you, you were absolutely so cute ; he felt his heart melted. That’s basically how he became obsessed with you. 

They’re nothing healthy with the way he is in « love » with you. He talked to every of your friends trying to get as many information as possible, even use his own friends to pick up every informations he might need. In addition since he followed you, he started to stalk you looking for anything who could be useful. He even went  as far as to create fake account to watch your story. 

He claims to know everything about you (which is true), basically have you seen You on Netflix ? That’s him. Every time you leave the place, he would check your phone looking into your DM, your history everything to be sure you’re not seeing someone behind his back. 

To make it short he is very insecure about your relationship which tends to put you in some dangerous situation where everything could be use against you. 

What kind of Yandere is he ? 

MANIPULATOR : It’s kinda canon at this point, he is not afraid to use anything against you if it could be useful. He remembers anything you ever said to him from the little complain about your mum being a bit strict to your insecurity. Anything would be use to keep you with him. If he feels that you’re getting distant with him because you’re insecure about your relationship, he would praise you. If a friend of yours told you how unhealthy your relationship was, he would remember you how a shitty friend he used to be so you would leave them instead of him. He’s even better during argument, if you’re aggressive to him he won’t be ashamed to use your insecurity against you so you’ll end up apologize even if he was in fault in the first place. 

JEALOUS : As I said before, he tends to be very insecure with your relationship. He knows that his behavior is wrong that he is sick. He can’t help but always stalking you especially in your social link since it’s the only place he can’t control. Fake account, looking into your like’s section, checking into your phone while you’re not looking. May god protect you if he ever finds something suspicious : it always end the same way, you crying over Eren’s body asking, begging him to not leave him. I do not even know how he does that. 

VIOLENT : come on ? He is an angry boy, how could you expect him to not be violent ? He isn’t violent against you though, he got other way to got you all obedient for him. No this attitude is for assholes who think they could take you away from him. They should know better, honestly he is not afraid of being nasty against us. In the end, when he’s done with them, no one would be able to recognize them : face crushed, body cutting into piece is it even human ? He got a lot of bloods in his hand and expect you to be thankful for that. He’ll protect you no matter what, he loves you so much to the point he couldn’t even feel anything : when he got hurt he doesn’t feel painful, when he kills someone he is always so calm ; he always got you in his mind. 

THREATENING : Despite his gorgeous face, he is kinda scary when he wants to. Especially when he got you against a wall whispering into your ear how unfortunate it would be if your mum or any member of your family got hurt into a car accident. How bad it would be if someone finds out about your dirty nude. How he could end your reputation in some clicks. He barely has to use it, since he tends to use sex against you to break you ; but if someone has decided to be cocky to day well he’ll remind you who is the boss here. 

About sex, well I told you before that he has his own way of remind you who you belong to. You see me coming : Sex is a way to him punish you or to love you. Let me explain. 

90% of the time, when you two have sex, it’s just a way for him to praise you, to show you how much he loves you. It’s not all vanilla quite contrary, but even when he got you on your four deepening his pace to the point you might have so marks, he always made sure to whisper how much he loves you, how proud he is, what a good S/O you are for taking him so good. At this point you won’t know if you’re blushing because of good he made you feel or because his cute words got you. 

But there are times, when you acted like a brat to him so he had to remind you who you belong too. Expect him to be super Dom on you, meaning he would tie you on the bed your hand above your head, your legs spread wild open for him. Him, in front of you looking at you with an upset look. Do not expect to whisper you sweet word : he would dirty talk a lot but in bad way, telling you what a bad S/O, how disappointed he is. Sometimes he would scold you for flirting with another one. Expect a lot of orgasm denial, a lot of tease to the point you would break and start crying, begging for forgiveness. Then he would love you properly, hold you close to his chest whispering how proud he is and how grateful he is. Once you came at least one time, he would always overstimulate you everything to break you honestly. When he’s done with you he will just pumping himself and cum all around your body claiming you as his. 

When he is a good mood he would give you head, making you cum at least twice before he decided to start the real fun. When he is angry or disappointed, he would use your mouth as a way to beg for forgiveness, don’t expect him to be gentle. He will grab your hair while deep throating you. 

Jean 

the stalker 

He is probably the most awkward of the three

In fact, he met during groceries : you asked him some help to reach some furniture who were far too up for you to grab it. 

The second he met the pretty face who belonged to the angel voice of yours, he falls in love. He wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to own you, why weren’t you his already ? What are you waiting for ? 

Since it was kinda late, he insists on walking you home since he couldn’t let a cute little angel like you walking alone on the dangerous street. You find it cheesy but accept anyway since the man was kinda cute himself. 

But he was already working on his plan to seduce you, during the walk he tries to memorize as many things as possible especially the walk so he could visits your house. During the walk he asks you a lot of question about you or your class, you find him extremely extrovert which was fine since you tend to be kinda shy with first encounter. Again all he was going as a purpose : to get to know you better. 

This day he discovers a lot of things about you who could be useful but the more important thing that he was in the same school as you which mean he could stalk you more. 

He is pretty smart and get some charisma, before you could even noticed, he was friends with all of your friend, and presents himself to your family. In a couple of weeks he was already a part of your life before he asks you to become his significant other 

So what kind of Yandere is he ? 

STALKER : it’s in the title. Not only does he stalk you in social media (even if you follow him) but he also does it in reality. Sometimes while walking to your house, you swore you felt someone behind your back but everytime you tried to check you found nothing behind you. You never ask yourself while you met Jean so many times in a day, always thinking it was fate or anything. It wasn’t he just follows you during the day and when he felt like he needs your attention he just orchestrate an encounter so he could spend time with you. Honestly there nothing he doesn’t already know about you, there so many times he left stalking you, watching you, analyzing you : he knows you like the back of his hand. 

MANIPULATOR : He isn’t like Eren, he won’t use information against you directly but won’t be afraid to hurl barb at you if he feels like put you in your place. He’s more the type to be friends with all of your friends, your family to be seen at the awesome boyfriend so you would feel some kind of pressure against you. You couldn’t break up with him, not when everyone around you praise you for finding such an incredible boyfriend like him. Basically if you break up with him anyone would be so disappointed about you and you don’t want that. He knows you care so much about their opinion. 

PARANOID : the reason behind his stalking’s habit is fear. He is afraid he might loose somehow. It could be someone kidnapping you, someone hitting on you ; Jean knows if he wasn’t careful he will lose you eventually. So yeah he stalks you when you walk on your own, even during a trip with your friend he is always here to watch you. So he could prevent any risk. Since he’s kinda self-conscious about himself, stalking you is a way to comfort him that you’re planning on leaving him. He tends to be super cautious with you around him, never trust anyone even his own friends. He never let you go looking outside without him close to you, even talk to people like postman (who knows they might be dangerous ?). He has 100% control on every of your activity, you find it cute but sometime it was as if you weren’t free. He even went as far as to lock you in your own room just to be sure you won’t leave while he is away. 

Ok So sex with Yandere!Jean ? BOY. He used to enjoy stalking you during your intimate moment, just seeing you in your most pure state ? The first time he didn’t mean to watch you, but he stalked you while you walked on your own during night : he had to be sure no one would bother you during a peaceful night. But then when he was about to leave to his house, he saw your light and the shadow of clothes throwing everywhere. At first, he was afraid you might having sex with someone else than him. So he climbed to the nearest three to watch you properly. In fact you weren’t cheating on him but you were touching yourself. That’s how his night activity began. 

So yeah he knows perfectly where to touch you, it almost surprised how good he was. You never expect someone to love you the way he does. It was as if he knows your body by heart. The way he kiss you while his hand is moving around your body, grabbing, slapping everything he could reach. 

He wants you to call him daddy no matter if he is angry or happy, this isn’t a roleplay anymore : it’s like his « sex name ». You didn’t complain tough since he tends to cherish to the point you are crying from bliss. 

He is a switch, he is a Dom when he has to punish you or just when he wants to impregnate you. He is a sub when he is a good mood, in fact he enjoys seeing you riding him, using him for your own pleasure, knowing he was the origin of that glorious sight. 

When he is a Dom, he tends to choke you while fucking you and he is very rough on you. Slap your ass, choke you, even spit into your mouth if he has too. They’re no love into this act, it’s a way to remind you that he owns that body of yours. He overstimulate you a lot, telling you he’s not done until the only word you had in mind his is own name. When he is done with you, he is not surprised to see you asleep. 

When he is a sub, he tends to praise your body, holding your hand while his hips are rocking into yours. Or if he is in back, he would grab either your hips or your ass, cheering you. He’ll never let you have 100% control tough, he can’t do that otherwise you could leave him. 

There one thing he loves is finger fuck you, just knowing he got you around his finger and he could also pleasure you. It’s the perfect way to own you like he is supposed too. 

[ihearthes]

Quarantine Christmas Part  2

Author: @ihearthes Pairing: Harry x y/n Rating: Smut Word Count: 2768 (Part 1) Fiction Chalenge via @caitlin‘s fiction party via @sweetcreatureinthedark

Part 1

December 24, 2020

“Smith!” he bellows way too early and cheerfully as he pounds on my bedroom door. “Happy Christmas Eve! Come on! Let’s go for a jog.”

“Arrrrggggghhhhh,” I growl. “No.”

“If you hike the Hastain Trail with me, I’ll spring for coffee afterwards.”

“Go away, Styles.” Drawing the pillow over my head, I try to block out the sound of his voice. 

“Fresh air will be good for you.”

“You’re not going to give up, are you?” 

“Not on your life. I hate hiking alone.”

“Fine!” Throwing the covers off, I don my newly cleaned leggings, sports bra, and a t-shirt before opening the door and marching past him in my tennis shoes. “Bully,” I accuse. 

“You’re mad that I’m forcing you to take care of yourself?” Although he sounds offended, that smirk is back. 

“Whatevs, Styles. Let’s go.”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

He sets off at a brisk pace, and I trail behind him slightly. After all, I’m still waking up. 

“Keep up, Smith!”

Just to be ornery, I slow my stride, taking my time examining the plants next to the path. When I next glance up, Harry is a solid quarter mile ahead of me, and I contemplate turning back, finding a picnic table and taking a nap on it until he’s done. 

But no. That’s not to be, as he turns and jogs back to me, keeping his legs pumping as he moves backwards. 

“You’re going to trip on something,” I caution. 

He grins. “You care about me!”

My eyes roll so far back into my head that I swear I can see my own brain. “No. But I care about Glenne, and she would be mighty upset if I had a part in damaging you.”

“Mhm.” The smirk is back, and as hard as I try to keep a sour look on my face, it’s challenging. “Where was Christmas supposed to be?” His question is casual, but it causes me to flinch.

“Indiana,” I snap off the word like one would a twig on a dying tree. Immediately, I feel guilty. “Sorry.” My mumble is quiet, but loud enough for him to hear and nod in silent acceptance. “You don’t deserve rudeness. What about you? London?”

“Holmes Chapel. With my mum, my sister, and her boyfriend.”

“Ah. Is it cold there this year?”

“Fairly mild. And Indiana?”

“Cold, cold, cold. Maybe even snow still on the ground.”

“Yeah. Christmas in Los Angeles is quite different.” Harry gestures around the trail, and I smile. 

“Definitely.”

“What are your favorite traditions?” 

By the time we loop back around to the start of the trail, we’ve exhausted the topic, and I realize my mood has improved tremendously. 

“Thank you, Harry.” The words are soft, and I try to insert as much authenticity as I can into them. 

I have the pleasure of watching his eyes soften as he observes me over the top of the car. “Coffee next! And a trip to the grocery!”

“Grocery? You’re cooking?”

“WE are baking and then cooking.”

“Really?”

“Yep. We’re going to create a mashup of our traditions.”

“No fucking way!” I exclaim, excited at the prospect. Sitting up, I search for a piece of paper and a pen. “I didn’t bring my purse, Styles. Give me your phone.”

“My phone?” Confused, he gazes at me while at a stoplight. 

“I need to write down the ingredients we need to buy. Let’s see. We can’t make some of the cookies we each like because I don’t know if Glenne has cookie cutters in the right shapes. So how about some ginger biscuits?” 

When he nods, I gesture for his phone. “Come on, Styles. I need to look up recipes and make sure we get the right ingredients.”

Reluctantly, he unlocks his phone, handing it to me. “No snooping,” he warns, shaking his finger in my direction. 

“Puuuuuuullllllleeeeeasssse. As if.” Using his browser, I search for a recipe for the ginger biscuits for him as well as one for thumbprint jam cookies, copying the ingredients into his Notes app. 

“Now, for dinner,” he begins, and my fingers pause as I wait for his next words. “Mum used to do a roast, but I don’t eat meat anymore. Just fish. And your family always does turkey. How do we compromise on a protein?”

“Scallops? Salmon? Both delicious and something I would consider fancy enough for a holiday meal.”

“Excellent!” Harry declares. “And can we agree on brussel sprouts and yams?”

My whole being is excited at the prospect of this meal with Harry. Suddenly there’s a silver lining to spending my favorite holiday away from my family. 

As he turns off the engine, I rest my hand on his wrist until he twists to look at me. “Thank you, Harry.”

“You already said that.” He rolls his eyes, but the crinkles send a different message. 

Less than 30 minutes later, we’re back in the car with the trunk full of groceries, including prosecco. After stopping for the promised coffee, we return to Glenne and Jeffrey’s house, unloading the food. 

“Mind if I take a shower before we start?” I ask, looking down at my clothing. “I feel dusty still from the trail.”

“Let’s both shower --” He stalls at my shocked expression “-- in separate bathrooms, Smith. Then let’s see who can put together the worst Christmas outfit from whatever we can find in the guest bedroom where we’re each sleeping.”

A grin crosses my face. “Oh, you’re going down, Styles!” Rushing out of the room, I’m confident that my ears are playing tricks on me because I think he responds with “I would love to go down on you.” He must have said something completely different, and I shake my head to clear the thought. 

When I emerge later, I’m wearing my grey sweatpants which I’ve pinned garland to along with one of my green hoodies and a giant wreath draped around my neck like a necklace by a red ribbon. Arriving in the kitchen, I’m stopped in my tracks by the sight of Harry wearing a skirt of wrapping paper over his also-grey sweatpants, along with a variety of bows stuck to his Green Bay Packers hoodie. 

He shrugs, “Apparently they use that guest bedroom for storing wrapping paper.” 

I laugh as I pluck one of the bows off his hoodie and place it on my chest after removing the wreath. 

“You win,” I concede. “I’m surprised there’s so much Christmas stuff in their house.”

“Eh. The Azoff family celebrates everything.”

“Lucky us, then.”

Side by side, we create the dough first for the ginger biscuits and then for the thumbprint cookies. After he slides the first pans into the oven, Harry crosses his arms. “Scrabble while we wait for them to bake?”

“Oh, it’s on!” I agree, and we settle at the dining room table to play the game. 

“Fine. You win,” Harry pouts over an hour later as I play my final letter which manages to be on a triple word score tile. 

“Woo hoo!” Stuffing one of the ginger biscuits in my mouth, I chew thoughtfully. “These are pretty good. I might make them again next year.”

“Same for these,” Harry grins as he chews on one of the thumbprint cookies. Crossing his arms on the table in front of him, he leans toward me. “Now how about you tell me exactly why you turned down my account when Glenne offered it to you?”

Shock courses through my body, and I freeze, knowing my face is likely turning into a candy cane red. 

“She told you?”

“Of course she told me! I had specifically asked for you, so I was a bit heartbroken when she told me that you refused.”

His word choice makes me raise an eyebrow. “Heartbroken?”

“Devastated? Wrecked? Disappointed? Take your pick, Smith.”

Swallowing, I make eye contact with him. “I’ll tell you why I turned down our account if you’ll tell me why you call me Smith.”

His tongue darts out and wets his lips as his green eyes bore into me. “Because you remind me of a Granny Smith apple.” Confusion must sweep across my face, as he continues talking. “You’re tart at first, but you can be sweetened. I’ve witnessed it in the past as well as just the last two days.” His face colors, but he continues speaking anyway. “Plus I suspect you’re incredibly juicy, and I would love a sample.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. Had Harry Styles just made a very obvious overture? Yes. Yes, he had. My eyes float over his face, searching for any indication that he’s lying, but the sincerity is striking. 

First I look at my entwined hands, and then I decide to show the same courage he has exhibited. “I turned down your account because I couldn’t possibly work for you when I’m this attracted to you. It’s bad form to want to --” I can’t decide on the appropriate word, so I settle for “-- jump your client.”

The smirk is back, and it’s followed by an uproarious laugh. “This is too rich! To think that we could have been having some sort of relationship all this time is mind-numbing.” Rising, he holds out his hand. “How about we consummate our mutual attraction?”

“In the middle of the afternoon on Christmas Eve?”

“You got a better idea of how to spend our time?” 

“Swimming?” I tease. 

“Smith?”

“Yeah?”

“Take my hand.”

His words and tone make it clear that he’s interested in moving forward with this. My own body’s response is in sync with his. Gently, I place my hand in his as I rise from the table. Twisting his body, he also shifts his hand, leading me in the direction of…where? A bedroom seems too rushed. Not that my hormones would agree. 

But no. We walk down the two steps into the living room where he turns on the Christmas tree lights before settling on the couch and tugging my arm so that I join him. “Oh, wait.” Rising, he approaches the sound system, and soon the strains of Christmas music fill the space. Returning to my side, he settles with his arm around me. 

“Smith…” His words are a whisper, and I rotate my head in his direction as he brushes his finger over my cheek. When our lips meet, I swear I can hear the angels sing. His mouth is soft and tender, and I twine my fingers through the hand draped over my shoulder as I open wide to allow him to enter. Our tongues tangle in heat and dampness that also seems to pool between my legs. He tastes of the lemon curd thumbprints we had jointly made, and I relish the flavor, wanting more. 

Shifting closer to him, I tilt my head to provide greater access, and his hand drifts to my sweatpants. Withdrawing from me, he examines our clothes. “Mind if I remove this garland?”

“Not at all,” I purr. “As long as I can get rid of these bows.” The wrapping paper skirt had already been ruined when we sat down for the Scrabble game. 

Rather than unpinning the garland, though, he hooks his thumbs into my waistband and draws the sweatpants over my hips. “Up, Smith.” I lift my bum as he removes my bottoms, leaving me in my panties. 

In return, I inch his hoodie up his chest and off, tossing it over my shoulder, heedless of the bows that seem to desire to stay attached to the musician. Can’t say I blame them. 

“Hmmmm,” he murmurs before capturing my lips again. 

When we come up for air, my hands have managed to roam his chest, tweaking his nipple and wrenching a moan from his mouth. For his part, his hand has drifted over the small piece of cloth separating my treasure from full access. His thumb rubs a pattern over the fabric, and soon I’m panting. 

“Fuck,” I mutter as we separate. 

“Yes please” is his cheeky reply. 

“Dork,” I indict.

“Mhm. Take off that hoodie. Please.” 

Willingly, I oblige. Before the material has hit the floor, he’s capturing my nipple in his mouth, and I throw my head back as fire stokes through my body from my tits to my core. “Shit,” I proclaim. 

His fingers return to the scrap of cloth covering my center. As his thumb teases my clit through the silk, a finger slips underneath and into me. Without thought, I cry out, my lower body rising from the bed to get closer to heaven. 

“Been a while?” His voice is rough, sounding like sandpaper as he dislodges from my breast. 

“Too long,” I pant, “but you’ve always had the power to bring me to the brink just with a look.”

“I see,” he smirks, and normally I would want to smack him, but this time, I find it endearing. 

“I want --” I gesture to his sweats, and he grins. 

“If I refuse?”

“Then my treasure box can close pretty quickly if I don’t have something in my hands.”

Harry laughs. “Fair enough.” Shucking his sweatpants over his hips, I find that he’d chosen not to wear underpants as his cock springs upwards into my waiting hand. 

“Shit. I need lubricant.” I complain. 

We gaze at each other, the lust clear. Jumping up from the sofa, we race together to Glenne and Jeffrey’s bathroom. I scour the lower cabinets while Harry throws open the linen closet. “Got it!” he announces, holding the bottle over his head. 

“Thank God!” My relief is real. Grabbing the bottle from him, I find I can’t move. Now what? Where do we go? We can’t very well do the deed in their bed. 

Grabbing my hand, Harry once more takes the lead, and we end up in his guest bedroom. I gesture at the bed, and he strips off the duvet before lying down on his back. Crawling onto the mattress, I settle between his thighs, tilting the bottle of lube and squeezing a fair amount into my hand. Relaxed, I hold my hand over his cock, allowing droplets to fall. His eyes plead with me, and I grin at him. 

“Impatient, Styles?”

“Desperate for you, Smith.”

With that pronouncement, I wrap both hands around his length, allowing my fingers to glide gently along his shaft. One hand falls underneath where I can tickle his balls playfully. When his hips start bucking, I withdraw from him completely -- albeit slowly with a final few long strokes. 

His eyes fly open, and he pats the bed next to him, so I lie there. 

“Smith…”

“Shhhh. Hush, Styles.”

Miraculously he doesn’t say anything, but he does reach out and shift aside the fabric over my vagina before he delves a finger inside. I know I’m wet. Hell, I can feel the dampness. 

His finger teases me, and I writhe under his attention. 

“Fuck, Styles. I’m gonna…”

“Do it!” he orders, and my lower body creates a bridge as my hips rise into the air while my thighs tremble in ecstasy. 

As I land back onto the bed and earth itself from my recent visit to heaven, Harry carefully removes my panties and throws them over his shoulder. 

“Condom?” He inquires.

“IUD. You clean?”

“Yep. Got tested not long ago. You?”

“Fuck me, Styles. We deserve this.”

“Indeed,” he grins just before he plunges into me, and I cry out at the feel of his length inside me, filling me and touching every part of me. 

“Shit.” My breaths come in short spurts as he pumps into me. I can’t seem to catch my breath as my second orgasm starts building. “Shift to the left, Styles.”

“You got it, Smith. Can you scratch at my back?” 

“You bet.” 

The communication is nice as we guide each other to what pleases us the most. As much as I want to take our time, it’s not nearly long enough before I feel my insides begin to clench in a familiar way. 

“Fuck, Styles. I’m coming!”

“Me too, Smith! Fuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk!” He stretches the word into multiple syllables as I feel his seed squirting into my womb, stopped only by my birth control. His fingers reach between our bodies as he manipulates my clit until I see stars and arch my lower body to become closer to him. 

Collapsing on top of me, his breathing is as uneven as my own. 

“Merry Christmas, Smith,” he murmurs while we’re still joined. 

“Merry Christmas, Styles,” I reply, hugging his body tightly to mine. No telling if we have a future, but this holiday is going to be one for the books. 

A/N:  This short story is dedicated to those who aren’t able to join family this Christmas due to the Coronavirus.  Be safe.  Be healthy.  Make the best of the situation. Sending you BIG HUGS!

[artificialqueens]

Carousel (Taywhora) - Plegdoctor

A/N: Right, so fun fact about me, the first drag race fic I ever wrote was actually an Aquaria/Cracker one. It was going to be a high school au but I never ended up finishing it. I recently found it and reread it and found this one scene where they all go to the fair together. So this is a rewrite of a fic that never was! I've obviously had to change some bits to fit the UK2 girls but a lot of it is word for word what I wrote in that little notebook years ago. So yeah, enjoy!

--

Aurora shivered and wrapped her leather jacket tighter around herself. The cool air of the early winter night fluttered through her hair, threading the blonde strands into a tangle. Lights flashed around her, so bright that she could still see them when she closed her eyes.

Although it was cold, she was comfortable. Content. She could hear the music blaring from various rides and stands, the screams of children and the laughter of teens, the chattering of adults. The air was full of food, candyfloss sugar and savoury smells of greasy burgers and hotdogs that would leave her with a stomach ache for two days.

Best of all, the air was electric. There was an energy like no other fizzing across the atmosphere as she looked at her friends with a smile.

Lawrence had dragged Ellie onto the dodgems, despite desperate protestations from the taller girl. And then of course Lawrence had to challenge Tia to a duel of sorts on the damned things, so Tia had persuaded Veronica to go with her and prove the Scot wrong. She could see them now, Ellie’s blonde hair all over Lawrence’s shoulder as she squealed and cuddled into her.

She was going to miss this.

“Look at those two. Bloody disgusting.”

She didn’t even jump as the voice appeared beside her, the smooth Welsh accent already giving it’s owner away. She held her hand out expectantly, pleased when a bag of candyfloss was placed in it.

“They’re so lovesick. It’s cute. Talking of lovesick, where are Bim and Asttina?”

Tayce sighed. “I think they’re still googling whether candyfloss is vegan or not. I told Bims it was because it’s just sugar but they weren’t convinced.”

Aurora held back a giggle and shivered again. Tayce frowned slightly.

“You cold?”

“A little. I’ll be alright when we get moving again.”

“Right. Who’s winning this duel anyway?”

Aurora snorted. “Fuck knows babe, I’m pretty sure Tia and Lawrence have both committed various war crimes while Ellie and Veronica are just trying to stay alive.”

“Well I’ll warm you up while we wait.” Tayce said, slinging an arm around Aurora’s shoulders and pulling her in close. Aurora sighed and snuggled into her friend, her heartrate increasing with the close proximity. She could feel the soft material of Tayce’s coat, count her steady heartbeat, smell the mixture of her expensive floral perfume and the cheap sugar on her breath.

Aurora could’ve stayed there forever, getting drunk on Tayce’s touch.

“We might wanna go back on guys, we shouldn’t interrupt this sexual tension.” Her peace was cut short by a thick Scottish accent.

She sighed. Tayce simply laughed. “Wind your neck in Lozza, let’s not pretend you didn’t take Ellie on that ride just so she’d be pressed up against you.” She called out playfully, her grip not leaving Aurora’s shoulders.

“Get to fuck Tayce, as if I would lower my standards.” She replied, Ellie giving a little cry of indignation from where she was hanging off her arm.

“That’s not what you told me last night, hen.” She teased, the girls erupting into screams of laughter.

They stumbled through the fair together, arms linked as they all shouted along to the tacky music being played. Bimini and Asttina joined them eventually, Asttina carrying Bimini on her back to “give them the experience of being tall.” Eventually they came to a stop in front of the carousel where Ellie gave a gasp of delight and immediately begged them all to go on it.

They dug through their pockets for the £1 needed, handing it to the bored looking man. Ellie immediately found a pure white horse with a pink saddle and clambered onto it, pulling Lawrence up behind her. Bimini and Asttina chose a blue and grey one, while Veronica and Tia predictably end up on a horse with a green saddle.

Aurora circled the horses a few times, scrutinising them.

“It’s not a house you’re looking for Rory, just get on a horse.” Ellie yelled from where she was, Lawrence’s arms around her middle as her head rested on her fluffy pink jacket.

“Here, this one is good.” Tayce said from atop a black and gold one. She reached out a hand to Aurora who took it. She wrapped her arms around her, her head fitting perfectly in the crevice of her shoulder.

“You’re comfy.” She murmured into Tayce’s neck.

“Girls! Picture!” Tia called behind her, holding up her phone as they all smiled at the camera. Aurora’s eyes flicked to the side to see Tayce sticking her tongue out and threw her head back in laughter.

“Did you get my whole outfit in there, Tia?”

“Els, babe, I don’t know how I couldn’t, I’m surprised Lawrence managed to hold onto you.”

“Think you’ll find I’m very good at holding onto her.” Lawrence’s voice was muffled by the fur of Ellie’s jacket. Aurora giggled at Asttina’s fake retch.

“Hold on tight you hound.” Aurora obeyed Tayce’s whispered command immediately, lacing her fingers together over Tayce’s stomach as the music started and the ride started moving.

She wished the ride would never end, savouring the cries of joy from Tayce like they were her favourite sweet. A pang of jealously struck through her heart when she saw Tia in front of them, leaning down to drop a kiss on Veronica’s head that was resting on her chest. Briefly she caught eye contact with Tayce and ripped her eyes away, loosening her grip as a blush spread under her foundation.

“Why’ve you let go Rory? We can’t have you falling off and dying.” Tayce adjusted her hands to once again be tightly looped on her waist. Aurora momentarily stopped breathing.

They remained that way until the ride stopped and they all clambered down from their respective horses. Bimini was back on Asttina’s back while Tia tried to convince Veronica that she was strong enough to carry her like that. Veronica vehemently rejected the idea as Aurora laughed at her friends, her hand entwined with Tayce’s.

People have always told Aurora how brave she is. Brave to wear clashing patterns (yet still make them work), brave to be the first in her friendship group in year five to get the bus alone, brave to be able to talk to anyone. But she doesn’t believe them. If Aurora were as brave as people have told her she is, she would be able to tell Tayce about how she feels.

She has spent many nights curled up in bed, hugging a pillow to her chest as she imagines letting the words spill from her mouth and into Tayce’s heart. The scenarios all have different outcomes. Sometimes Tayce laughed. Harshly, cruelly, softly, disbelievingly. Sometimes she swept Aurora into her arms and dipped her down low, her long fingers curled into Aurora’s blonde hair as she desperately pressed their lips together. Sometimes she gently let Aurora down, promising that they could still be friends.

That one always hurt the worst.

Who would want to be just friends with the girl that they’ve been in love with for two years?

The question spins her head for the rest of the night, until they’ve moved on from the rides and the food and are hanging around the games.

“Maybe someone will win a goldfish.” She suggested idly, wrapped up with Bimini in Tia’s massive puffer jacket. Bimini shook their head from beside her.

“No one gets fish at fairs babe, that’s like an American thing innit.”

“Well how would I know, do I look American?”

“We’ve been coming here since year seven, you would’ve thought you’d learn by now.”

Aurora huffed, her breath coming out as a harsh mist. “I can live in hope that one day I’ll go home with a new pet that my mum can’t say no to.”

“Bold of you to assume you’d win a goldfish; you can barely hook a duck.” Tia called goadingly to her. Aurora rose immediately to the bait.

“I can so hook a duck! Come on slags, we’re going to the hook-a-duck!” Her battle cry rose into the air as she strode in the general direction of the stall, Bimini hopping to keep up.

It emerges that Tia is, unfortunately, right. Aurora is shit at hook-a-duck.

“How can you be bad at hooking a duck? They’re literally right in front of you.” Ellie wondered out loud, leaning on Lawrence as they watched three of their friends hanging over the wooden slats as they poked sticks at floating rubber ducks. Lawrence let out a bark of laughter, and Veronica on her other side spluttered.

“It’s not as easy as it fucking looks!” Aurora threw back, stretching her arm until her shoulder almost popped from its socket.

She pulled back, dejected, and turned around to admit defeat. “Alright Tia, you win this time.”

“You’re great at many things Aurora, but hand eye coordination is not one of them.” Tia replied calmly as Aurora rolled her eyes.

“It’s alright Rory. Look I won this for you.” Tayce pressed a doll into her hands as Aurora spun it in her hands, looking at it with interest. It had blonde hair like hers, done up in a bun the way she wore it all through year eight. It’s dress was green, leaf shaped, with matching wings in the back.

“Tinkerbell?”

“Yep. She reminds me of you.”

“Aww.’ Aurora flushed pink with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment at Tayce’s words. ‘Why, because I’m just as gorgeous as her?” She suggested, batting her eyelashes jokingly and curling herself around Tayce’s arm. Tayce looked down at her, a glint in her eye.

“Not exactly.”

“Well why then?”

Tayce’s laugh sent the butterflies in Aurora’s stomach insane. “Because she needs attention or she dies.”

“Oh piss off.” She giggled, nudging the taller girl with her hip as the rest of their friends laughed into the open night sky.

She stayed at Tayce’s side, the doll tucked into her bag.

The meandered further around the fair, stopping every now and then for any ride or games that struck their fancy. Their pockets grew lighter as pound coins disappeared, exchanged for screams of laughter and memories that will forever remind them of being young and free.

“You’ll have to tell her eventually.” Ellie said while they’re waiting for the others on the Helter Skelter, arms laden with coats. Aurora shook her head obstinately, her hair swishing down her back.

“Never.”

“You said you’d tell her when I told Loz! And look how happy we are together. Come on hen, you’ve got to take a chance.” Ellie whacked her with Bimini’s leopard print jacket as though to make a point and Aurora batted it away with a long-suffering sigh.

“We’re not like you and Lawrence, Els.”

“You could be though.”

She fixed her friend with a pointed glare, the effect rather ruined with the amount that she has to look up due to Ellie’s (frankly insane) height.

Ellie relented, looking away with a slight furrow in her brow. “Just do it tonight. Get her alone or something.”

Aurora snorted at the assumption that the pair would ever be alone at the fairground.

But, surely enough, the girls began to peel off one by one. More like two by two, it’s Noah’s bloody Ark over here Aurora thought, ignoring Asttina’s weird look when she snorted quietly to herself.

Tia and Veronica said goodbye first, walking off in the direction of Tia’s house with their arms slung around each other. Asttina and Bim were next, both shooting sly glances at Aurora that made her retreat into her jacket as she waved them off. Lawrence seemed ready to stay the entire night, until Ellie began loudly yawning, poking her girlfriend sharply in the ribs with her elbow. Eventually Lawrence got the point Ellie was trying to make (a point that Aurora will murder her for later) and the two sloped off, whispering and giggling. Aurora turned to Tayce with a bright smile plastered on her face.

“Do you want to stay for a bit?” She ventured. Tayce nodded. She linked her arm with Aurora’s, the simple gesture flooding her brain with serotonin.

They circled the fair, tired yet bright eyes looking out for anything they had missed. It seemed ridiculous to Aurora to expect that there was anything new. The fair hadn’t changed since they first went in Year Seven, eight nervous eleven- and twelve-year-olds with pounds in their pockets begged from their mums. Aurora could still remember everything from that night, fresh in her mind as if it had been yesterday.

She remembered the skirt she wore, black and way too short for her age. She remembered the music playing and the way it filled the air with a joy that she had never felt in her life before. She remembered Ellie getting scared at the top of the Helter Skelter and refusing to go down it without Lawrence holding her hand. She remembered the way Bimini had their hair, long crimped locks that frizzed up for at least the next week.

But, perhaps most importantly, she remembered Tayce. What she was wearing, how her hair looked, the brand of eyeliner that was haphazardly pencilled in her waterline. Her generosity in buying the whole group chips and burgers (aside from Bimini, of course, who only had chips). The way her breath curled into the cold air as she yelled encouragements to a trembling Ellie. That moment where she grabbed Aurora’s hand and Aurora felt something small yet inexplicable tug in her chest.

Sometimes she wished they could go back to those days of innocence. Of clumsy flirting and messy mascara. Before everyone coupled up like it was an episode of Love Island.

Before she realised she had a crush on her best friend.

“There’s nothing new here.”

Tayce’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She turned to look at her friend who had a glint of disappointment in her eyes. She snorted and squeezed her arm.

“What did you expect? This place never changes.”

Tayce grinned, the trace of sadness gone from her eyes. “Yeah, I know. That’s what I like about this place sometimes. It’s reliable.”

Aurora shook her head in mock despair. Tayce began walking purposefully, dragging Aurora behind her.

“Where are we going?”

“I want to go on the carousel again!”

“Oh my God my friend is a literal child. Did you have a good day at primary school?” She teased. Tayce screamed and whacked her.

“You bitch! I know that this is your favourite too, Rory, you can’t hide from me!”

It doesn’t take nearly as long to find a horse this time, and soon they’re in a familiar position, Aurora’s chin on Tayce’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna miss this place, Tayce.” She whispered. Her wavering voice betrayed her emotions. Tayce gently ran her thumb over her knuckles.

“Me too.’ She paused, turning her head around as if to take in everything she could. ‘Do you remember when we first came here?”

“Course I do. And we all went on the carousel and you laughed at me because I got my foot stuck and tripped as I was getting off.”

She clung on tighter as Tayce screeched. “Oh, I had almost forgotten about that! See, those are the kind of memories we’re going to take away.”

“What if we didn’t take them away?”

“Are you suggesting we stay here forever?”

“…maybe?”

“Aurora, you’ve been trying to get out of here for the past four years!”

“I know, it’s just,’ She sighed, her nostalgia coming out in a swirl of haze. ‘This is where we all consolidated our friendship.”

“We’ll come back for the fair.”

“Maybe for the first year. But then we’ll all get busy with life and degrees until it gets to the point where we look at old pictures and can’t even remember what year it was.”

“Nah, Bim’s shit hair dying skills have improved over the years, use their hair to judge the year.”

“Tayce-“

“I know, I know.”

They slipped into a brief silence, the background music still loud in their ears as they strained to memorise the notes.

Aurora wasn’t feeling brave.

But, even with her heart heavy from the feeling that this was the end of something, she found that she was happy.

Aurora spent hours looking in her Nan’s battered thesaurus, trying to find better words for ‘happy’ after her English teacher told her she needed a more varied vocabulary. But sometimes there was no other word to describe it. She was just simply happy when she was with Tayce.

“I’m going to miss you the most.” The words slipped out of her lips.

Tayce stiffened for a moment. Then she spoke.

“I’ll miss you the most too. Not just… as a friend. Even though you are my friend, it’s just,’ She twisted to look at her friend and laughed. ‘Don’t make me say this.”

“No, go on! I want to hear what you’re going to say!” Her heart thumped wildly in her chest.

“I like you Rory. Not just as a friend. As more than a friend. And I wish I told you earlier so we could have more time together.”

Her heart stopped beating altogether as she let the new information seep into her brain.

Tayce liked her.

Tayce liked her as much as she liked her.

She pushed herself forwards slightly. Her arms still entwined around the other girl’s waist, her chest pressed against her back. Slowly, shyly, and in the least Aurora way known to man, she gently kissed Tayce’s smooth cheek.

“I like you too.’ She murmured into her ear. ‘More than friends. So much more than friends.”

“Oh my God.” Tayce said under her breath.

She twisted round until she was facing Aurora. Her long thin fingers found their way to Aurora’s face and then her hair as their lips met for the first time.

Aurora felt like all the electricity and magic of the fair was sucked from the air and contained entirely within her. She felt as if she might explode, every particle that made her up buzzing with joy as she clung to her best friend and kissed her like her life depended on it.

They pulled away when they felt the ride come to a stop. Aurora couldn’t breathe.

“Can we take a selfie?” Her cheeks are flushed as she speaks, embarrassed that this is the first thing to exit her mouth after finally admitting her love for Tayce after years of pining.

Tayce scrunched her nose. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I want to remember this forever. And never run the risk of forgetting.”

Tayce just laughed and kissed her again. And again. And again.

The next September, Aurora stands alone in a room. It’s technically hers, but it doesn’t feel like that yet. She slips on her headphones as she begins her task of decorating, hoping that when she’s done she won’t feel like she wants to cry anymore.

Just an hour later she slips her headphones off to do the last part in tranquil silence.

She’s methodical as she pins pictures to the board. Her family on one side, her friends on the other, with both of them mingling in the centre. She giggles as she tacks up the first group selfie they ever took, all squished on the ghost train that made Ellie scream bloody murder. She swears she can smell candyfloss and greasy burgers as she puts the rest of them up, revelling in the memories that flood her mind.

The group one from last year might be her favourite group one to date. Tia and Veronica at the front, smiling like they’ve won the life lottery as they curled together. Lawrence and Ellie cosily close, Lawrence playfully throwing a peace sign while Ellie stretched to make sure Tia got her whole outfit in. Bim and Asttina smirking, their eyes betraying the pure excitement that Aurora knows was within them.

Her and Tayce. Tayce’s pointed tongue stuck out cheekily that caused Aurora to throw her head back in the most genuine display of happiness ever captured on camera.

There was one final picture to put up. Although, it may have been a bit unnecessary. It was already her phone background, in a frame by her bed, and plastered all over her social media.

Slightly swollen lips, windswept hair, matching euphoric smiles.

Their first kiss, and the time that Aurora knew she would be in love with Tayce until the end of time.

It gets stuck right in the middle, pride of place.

Aurora takes a quick picture of the finished board. She sends it to the groupchat and flings herself onto her bed to read the rapid replies, her Tinkerbell doll cradled in the crook of her arm.

Basic <3: Omg!! That’s so cute, I love those pictures so much!

Loch Ness Bitch: are ya getting soppy already Rory, you’ve only been gone five minutes

Dirty D: Loz shut up it’s cute! All those memories <333

Sailor Vee: Ahh I can’t wait to go to the fair again this year. We’re defo all coming back, right?

Rude: Course we are Ronnie I wouldn’t miss it for the world

Vegan: Greasy chips on me, ladies x

Hound: I bloody hope so Bim, think you all still owe me from year 7

She’s happy. Aurora is happy as the groupchat descends into chaos, happy that they can still be like this while spread around the country. Her phone pings again.

Tayce: The carousel will always be there Rory. I’ll be waiting for you there x

She smiles as she taps out her reply.

Aurora: I love you so much <3

When she closes her eyes, Aurora can feel the cool winter air threading through her hair. She can smell the candyfloss sugar and savoury smells of greasy burgers and hotdogs that would leave her with a stomach ache for two days. She can hear the tacky tunes she loved to shout along too.

But best of all, she knows that in her heart, her love for Tayce is electric. It’s steady, reliable, and comforting.

Just like riding the carousel.

[streep-mulgrew-anderson]

Sex education thoughts ☀️ SPOILERS

So it took me two days to watch this because I was working night shift. I really struggled to stay off social media. Mostly no spoilers but made me wish I wasn’t at work so I could binge-watch the whole thing. But then stupid me wanted me to know and I did find THE spoiler, well what I thought was but wasn’t.

Episode 1

Omg I can’t believe it’s finally back!!

That intro!! Everyone clearly is living their best life.

That first shorts of the milburn house omg!!! They are really back.

Jean!!!!!! Look at her. She’s glowing!!!!!

Gillian IS a comedic genius! I also love that fact the it took Jean so long to tell Jakob like it is so Jean.

Fuck me Jean is the cutest pregnant person ever

OMG FUCKING GOD the way she just gets out of the car!!!! Like holy shit. How on earth did she keep that a secret and fuck Gillian is acing this.

JAKOB TURNED UP FOR THE SCAN. They are so freaking cute

Episode 2

What the fuck is this. Jean farting 😂😂😂😂she just is so fucking adorable

Naw that counselling session. She’s 48! Wtf did Gillian not say she was in her 50s. And the way he put his hand on her upper thigh.

Holy shit that kiss!!! Jesus fucking Christ. That was such a cute scene. And then afterwards! They are both so hot together. And her hair!!!! And then him being like let’s be a family. I’m dying. On the fucking floor

I honestly can’t get enough of pregnant Jean.

Episode 3

Naw she said yes to a smoothie!!

That scene where they are laughing together is perfect. Her smile!!!!! The way he touches her.

Episode 4

She is honestly so happy around him and he is so in love with her.

That yoga scene! Gillian is acing this. I can so relate to the way Jean is reacting. She looks amazing too.

Episode 5

So at this point, I had just gotten home from nightshift and decided instead of sleeping to keep watching.

I love how sassy Jean is this season

Omg that fucking ultrasound scene. That man was such a dick

Like damn Jean going off at all those men! Get it sister.

Fucking fucking Dan. So I saw a spoiler for that and damn this is going to a roller coaster

Episode 6

Damn! Gillian’s hair!! And the way she tied it back

We are really being served with so much Jean this season.

At this point in time I don’t actually care for the school storyline and just want Jean

Her clothes this season are so good

So it has to be Jakobs baby right?? Like I don’t see a point where it might not be.

Episode 7

Okay so I had heard that this was the episode that was going to break me so here it goes.

She looks so perfect.

She was so cute getting ready for that interview

Omg she is going into labour. It’s happening!

Not sue for another 8 weeks omg no. But like she couldn’t been 8 weeks wrong with her dates though like that’s a bit much.

Omg this is going to ruin me.

Omg this labour scene holy shit Gillian. And I’m yeah where is jakob.

TO THE FUCKING WRITTERS WTF WHO LET CHRIS FUCKING CARTER INTO THE WRITERS ROOM WTF I DID NOT EXPECT THIS.

I actually had to pause to scream. There is 60 something minutes left for you to fix this fucking shit hole. How dare you let her be fucking adorable then have her haemorrhage after giving birth to her daughter at 32 weeks.

This is fucking frustrating go back to Jean. Otis your mum for fuck sakes not maeve

Episode 8

Okay the last episode and I swear to god I can’t deal with this. I hate this show so much.

Naw Eric i really needed that peep talk. And thanks for making me cry

I just want to see her hold her daughter. Like she has a daughter. I actually don’t give a shit who the dad is because she is here and Jakob will love her no matter what. And Jean is going to love her so much. So can everyone else just fuck off. If she is not in this episode I swear to fucking god.

I so want to fast forward and find out what happens but I won’t.

Omfg that drawer in Jeans room. Love it.

OMFG Jean high after she woke up made up for everything. Yes Jean you are the king of everything

Naw that scene where they named her joy. Like I’m okay if it ends here. Next season is going to be so fucking cute.

That “oh shit” fuckkkkkk you know, I actually don’t care as much as I thought I would. I’m just glad that she has her daughter. Though I am trying to convince myself that oh shit might mean of lot of things.

I can’t believe that it is all over after such a long wait

So now I’m going to go back and watch my favourite adorable Jean moments and cry over having to wait for what ever the fuck comes next.

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The Griefcast Record

Keanu got out of the taxi at Whistledown Studios and headed in. Cariad and the recoding team greeted him and they got set up with teas, biscuits and a box of tissues on the table

“God, it’s just like a therapist’s room!” he joked

“Best to be prepared! They might be for me anyhow” she laughed.

Before we start though, can I just spend a moment being a fangirl and just say how amazing it is for me to meet you. There are so many films of yours I love – and my kids adore Duke Caboom!”

“ahh yes, Canada’s Greatest Stuntman” he boomed - “that was a fun role”

“and so perfectly cast right?”

“Yeah yeah I guess. I’m glad they picked me from the roster of Canadians they had lined up!”

“Ok, so thanks for letting me just gush for a moment! Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“First tell me the story of how we managed to get you as a guest.”

“Ok so right, so errm my friend Kerry is the link. I was filming in Cornwall this past year and uh, after we wrapped I was so charmed by the place that I decided to stay and rent a place for a couple of months down there. Kerry was my landlady and one day I came across her walking along the beach, tears streaming down her face and she was listening to your show which she highly recommended to me. I admit it took a bit of persuading to listen, given the crying thing!, but she told me it was more reassuring and uplifting than upsetting. Anyway, so sorry, this is turning into a shaggy dog tale!, so I did give it a go, really loved it

“Oh thank you”

“So then one day we were discussing an episode about baby loss, something we had in common and had talked about before and she said I should do the show. Now THAT took a lot more thought and persuasion, but she said it would do me good and there would be the angle of the man’s perspective and being someone with a public profile going through loss and you know yada, yada yada so here I am, finally!

“That’s amazing and thank you so much to Kerry for listening to the show and for your persuasive talents in getting this lovely man here today. So Keanu, as you know we always start with this question. Who are we remembering today?”

“Today we’re remembering my daughter Ava who was stillborn 23 years ago this year.”

“Ok so would you mind telling me a little bit about what happened.”

“So, ahh, it was in the spring of 1999. The Matrix had just come out and my life was pretty full on. My girlfriend Jennifer became pregnant around that time. It was unplanned and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super happy about it at first, but she wanted to keep the baby and I said I’d support her, you know, and as time went on I was more excited than worried about becoming a dad.”

“And how was the pregnancy? How far along was Jennifer when Ava died?”

“Everything seemed fine, she, Ava was growing and developing normally. Jen was healthy. Then I was away filming, a god awful project as well! And, Um, ahh, give me a minute” Keanu cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

“I swore I wouldn’t do this” he said gesturing at himself tearing up, his voice cracking slightly “but sometimes, the memories can be, uhhh, very powerful, very vivid”

“Yes you can be taken right back like it just happened can’t you, however long ago - you know I’m 20 plus years out now and still very occasionally I can be catapulted back there. So, everything looked good but you were away, filming - and I’m sure it can’t have been an awful film”

Keanu snorted

“I assure you it was!, yes anyway, Jen went for a last check up at a little over 8 months and uh, there was no heartbeat. Ava had died and so I flew home and she had to, you know, give birth in a maternity unit, hearing all the other babies being born - I mean they have to do it there because you still might need, you know, that expertise and they tried to keep us private but those places they get busy and she had to go through all that with those sounds sometimes breaking through”

“Yes I hear that that is a common experience here in the UK too and one that SANDS, the still birth charity is trying to address. It’s interesting your choice of words: “she went through that”, presumably you were there so didn’t you go through it too?”

“Yeah, yeah - I guess, I just meant that it was worse, more traumatic mentally for her and obviously physically too”

“Sure sure, but awful for both of you nonetheless”

“Indeed, it was” Keanu paused a moment as though something important had just occurred to him “and she was beautiful too you know”

“awwwww” Cariad moaned sympathetically

“she was beautiful, perfect and warm, just silent, still”

Keanu looked up at Cariad, his eyes filled with tears once more and they both just sat for a moment, taking in the pain of his loss. Eventually, Cariad started the conversation again.

“And did you both hold her? Did the hospital staff help you, you know, to say goodbye to her?”

Yeah yeah, we did hold her. They left us be for a good amount of time, they took prints of her hands and feet and a photograph. You know they were supportive in that way, especially as we knew already, you know, that she had died, they were prepared. I don’t think we were, I mean I don’t think you can prepare for that, right? Your brain won’t let you, not really.”

“Yeah yeah, we talk about that a lot on the show, there are people who say it’s better when someone dies of an illness so you know it’s coming whereas with a sudden death you suffer more shock but I still think there’s a degree of shock you experience even when you have some warning.

“Yeah yeah and it’s so stupid, we’re all just so dumb because death is coming man, to us all but we just don’t want to think about it!” He chuckled

“So are you someone who thinks about death a lot?”

“Yeah yeah it’s always there in the back of my mind, spurring me on to do things, make that film, write that script, build that bike!”

“And do you think that’s because of losing Ava?”

“I don’t know, no not really, well maybe a little but that’s come more with getting older I think - I didn’t really have that reaction at the time”

“So what was your reaction, how did you grieve for Ava?”

Another chuckle came from Keanu.

“A more appropriate question might be how didn’t I grieve for her, at the time I mean!”

“Oh?”

“Hee hee you’re like a therapist, leaving the gaps for me to fill!”

“Some of my critics say I interrupt too much and start talking about me so…..”

“We’ll that’s not very nice is it? And also not true!”

“Thanks - Comes with the territory I guess, so please, go on, fill the gap”

“What was the question again?”

“It was about how you did or didn’t grieve for Ava after her birth?”

“Mmmm well we buried her, in the new year, she was born on Christmas Eve, which is uhhh, another tricky thing about it”

“Oh that’s awful, death on high days and holidays just adds another layer right?”

“Yeah yeah. They do - so um after that I went to Georgia to shoot a movie!”

“So you threw yourself into work then?”

“Yup, my trusty friend in times of crisis. In fact I did, let me see, 1, 2, 3, yes 3 movies in the next year and then started training for the Matrix 2 and 3 so I guess the answer is I put my feelings in a tightly locked metaphorical box and didn’t open it for quite some time!”

“And was there intrusion from the press , I guess this is pre the days of the internet being so developed and social media but how was that side of it?”

“Yeah there was some, you know photographers with long lenses at the cemetery”

“God! I can’t imagine”

“Yeah pretty low, right but in a way because of the taboo of stillbirth, people, you know interviewers and stuff, didn’t ask me about it. I mean I would sometimes say “no personal questions” but at other times that hasn’t stopped people.”

“Oh like what?”

“I’m thinking of when River, River Phoenix died, even if I said I wouldn’t answer anything personal they would still ask how I felt, did I miss him. I mean, fuck! Oh sorry I can swear right?”

“Swear away, sure, and god, fuck yeah, that deserved it. I mean obviously that’s a bit of a contradiction coming from me given we’re here and I’m making you talk about private things but”

“But I agreed, that’s the deal here, it’s not the deal to segue from “how was it jumping onto a moving bus to “how do you feel about your best friend dying!”

“Absolutely. So you said you dealt with it, but much later? What about Jennifer, how did she cope?”

“Umm, I don’t know - I mean what’s normal in that situation? She cried, she wailed like a wounded animal. Her mum moved in. I was away and not there to support her like I should have been. We weren’t really a couple either by then. We were going to co-parent but not as a romantic couple you know so it was complicated. To be honest I think a little bit of her died right then - and then she died herself the following April so you know, what you see before you is the last man standing of that family unit that might have been.”

“Woo that’s tough. You’ve really been through the mill as it were.”

“Yeah, yeah but you know I AM still standing. I’m lucky.”

“And how did Jennifer die?”

“Car wreck”

“I’m so sorry”

“Thanks, me too”

“So how is that, being the only one left? Some people talk about losing key people as losing their witness.”

“Yes! That’s it, exactly. Now it’s just me here to remember Ava, to remember her coming in and out of this world”

Yeah yeah that’s hard. So you said you dealt with it later? How did that come about?”

“Midlife crisis I guess - when I turned 40, I had a bit of a meltdown, you know, wondering about my goals, what I had or hadn’t achieved. I basically “ran away” alone to Paris on my 40th birthday, to escape any awful surprise party! And you know, I quietly fell apart in a vat of wine! When I went home my friend Janey was just like “Keanu, it’s time, time for therapy!”

“Ahhh it’s great isn’t it, big fans of that on the show!”

“Yeah I guess, I mean, ahhh I wasn’t that comfortable taking the lid off but yeah it did me a favour and helped sort my shit out. And a lot of the guilt and pain of losing Ava was gone through belatedly during that process”

“And why did you feel guilty?”

“Mmmm well I think I started to think I was a curse - my sister had been sick with leukemia, Ava had died, Jen had died, River, others as well and I felt guilty for that stupid film I was working on when it happened! So yeah, there were lots of rocks to lift up, inspect what lay beneath and deal with my emotions.”

“Well you seem like you have your shit sorted now”

“I’m a work in progress!”

“So now you’re, 23 years on, how do you remember Ava and Jen now.”

“Well it’s hard to forget the day for Ava what with it being Christmas Eve. I sometimes visit their graves - after dark if I can to avoid being hounded”

“What has the world come to when a person can’t be left in peace to visit a loved one’s resting place”

“Yeah it’s fucked up right?”

“Precisely.”

“And what else? , well I do have one little thing that my friend Alex who’s an artist, made for me. It was because of something she said she did to remember her lost loved ones. She would get a Christmas ornament that in some way represented the person and hang it on her tree at Christmas. So she made this beautiful little stained glass bird to hang up on my tree or in the house if I don’t have a tree which sometimes happens. So, uh, Ava’s name in Latin would mean bird or bird like so that’s why she did that, yes so I always think of her then and you know I would think about where she would be at a given point like when my friends kids have started school again after summer break I would think “oh Ava would be starting you know kindergarten or elementary school etc.”

“And do your family share in that?”

“Yeah, yeah - especially my mom. She has no grandchildren so yeah she remembers and we’ll have a moment sometimes yeah but it can be lonely, not having the other parent there who shares the same loss.”

“Yes I’m sure it is. Grief can be very lonely sometimes. Well, Keanu I really can’t thank you enough for coming on my little podcast and sharing your experience of baby loss and loss in the public spotlight with us today. Thank you so much for telling us about your beautiful baby girl Ava and her mum Jen.”

“Thanks for having me - I know this might sound weird, but it’s been a pleasure talking with you and remembering them today so, thank you and thanks to Kerry who suggested it. She said it would be good for my soul and she, as always, was right!”

@fortheloveoffanfic @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @paperplanesandwallflowers @patric9

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Last Christmas

Word Count: 2372

Warnings: Mild violence and blood some angst or is it whomp?

A/N: This one was a fun write. I need to thank @robertsheehanownsmyass for being my sounding-board, always, and for helping me with ideas!  Chapter 1: God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman can be found here

Chapter 2: The Fairytale of New York

It's not that Violet meant to kill Nathan. Yet here she was, at 4:30 in the morning holding him on her apartment floor while he bled to death. Her lips brushed his freezing forehead as she adjusted his head in her lap.

Not very long before the murder, Violet woke with a start when she heard a door slam. She was drunk still from the never-ending fishbowl drinks bestowed upon her after the win. Brain fuzzy and the room spun as Violet got to her feet and rummaged through the nightstand.

She desperately searched for a missing piece and her kitchen knife. Was someone meant to be with her? Her body screamed with booze and adrenaline as she held the knife aloft venturing into the hallway.

Violet made her way to the living area. A throb grew in her ears that deafened the silence of her apartment. The night flashed before her eyes as her head swam.

How the liquor filled her goblet with just a point of his long finger. Which he told her wasn’t necessary. Just thinking about it often worked. Like how he thought the scantily clad shot girl could use bigger tits, so they inflated a size or two. The dude bro that wolf whistled at Violet and slapped her ass as she walked passed, his tongue literally fell out.

“It's MY job to sexually harass women, NOT yours!” he yelled over the techno. Then casually tossed the body part in the horrified man’s direction. “What's a matter,” he pouted his lips in a kiss, “Sexy bitch got your tongue?!”

Violet furrowed her brows now as she rubbed her pulsing temples. Had they danced? Out in the middle of the crowd, his hands on her waist as she leaned back into him. Both gyrating rhythmically to some rave remix of an 80s song.

“You are the weirdest shaped guy I've ever met!” Violet had shouted. “Like a muscular-armed stick bug”

The strobe lights flashed across his face as he strained to grasp this as an insult or compliment. Instead he took a chance and kissed Violet's neck. She let him.

There was, Violet remembered now, flirting in the back of a cab. She told him drunkenly he had Irish eyes and a green smile.

“No,” she shook her head and laughed. “Green eyes and an Irish smile?”

He laughed but smashed his face into Violet’s. His kisses were wet, sloppy. Too eager and childlike for someone in their twenties. Violet pointed that out as she wedged a hand between his face and her.

“Christ who taught you how to kiss?!” her hand squeezed his cheeks so that his mouth formed an O shape.

“M’maffs teach-a in yee-ah four,” he muffled.

“Your fourth grade teacher French kissed you?!”

“No!” he giggled “Year four, it’s. I was fifteen.”

“That's sexual assault!” Violet cried.

“Aww only if you don't want it to happen.” He tried to push his mouth into her again, but she literally ducked out of his way. Defeated, he gave up and the rest of the ride was silent.

Back in the present. Out of nowhere from behind, “Hey do you have any blank-”

It was quick. Shocking how easy it was to stab Nathan through the heart. How fate helped Violet sink the knife so deeply into him that her breasts met his bare chest before either understood what was going on.

Nathan’s lower jaw hung open as he started to grunt in pain. A dark pool of blood poured around the weapon. Stark contrast to his pale olive skin. He swayed but steadied himself on Violet’s arms. His demeanor changing instantly from panic to acceptance and his body relaxed.

Violet’s hand still around the knife as a lump formed in her throat. She scrambled out of his grip, sobs and pleas of forgiveness wracked her body as she struggled to find her phone.

“I've got.. to.. to.. to.. Call 9-1-1. It was an accident. Nathan. I'll get someone here-”

“NO!” he bellowed. “No, it'll be ok. I'll..” he winced. “Come back.”

“From what?! I STABBED YOU!”

“Death, sweetheart.” His Irish accent makes the A R sound like the word “Air.” “I've been stabbed in the heart (h-air-t) by women before, but I've never been..” Nathan gesticulated to the knife in his chest.

“ARE YOU MAKING A FUCKING JOKE?! YOU'RE DYING! Oh my God,” Violet’s knees began to buckle but she caught herself on the counter.

“I'm immortal. Christ t’is fucking hurts.” Nathan struggled to breathe. “Was impaled twice. Beat t’death once. I'll be good.”

He continued, “C’mon Vi, give us a hand,” he instructed. His shaking hand unable to grip the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest. “I'll die quicker this way. be back half past or so”

It was so matter of fact. “Pride goeth before the fall” Violet thought.

A cheeky grin deepened the dimples in Nathan’s cheeks as Violet took the carving knife out of his chest. Blood had spilled unexpectedly down the corners of his lips while he slid down the wall. Violet tried her best to catch him. To soften the blow between man and hardwood, but Nathan folded like the scarecrow coming off his pole.

Even more present:

“Joyeux Noël, Violet. You've Committed your first involuntary manslaughter.” Warm tears poured down her cheeks onto Nathan’s face.

Her legs were sticky with his coppery blood, but she kept marveling when her world soon grew quiet without his smart mouth and witty retorts. There was only a faint gurgle of blood that filled his mouth and lungs. How beautiful Nathan would always be to her in this moment because immortality was for vampires and mythology.

She would never forgive him either. It took longer than Nathan insisted, heart still pumped dark crimson into her hand used as a piss-poor tourniquet. But the beating slowed to a stop as Violet absently combed her fingers through his thick hair to soothe her exhausted body into a fitful sleep.

This time it was the heady smell of eggs and sausage that roused Violet from her sleep.

There was humming and singing in a language she didn't know as someone rattled about in the cupboards.

One hand over her eyes, head felt like someone bashed it repeatedly with a drumstick, she came to life. Her mind grabbed at flashes of kisses and a knife and Nathan being dead. The hallway, but this was her couch?

Suddenly she sat straight up, “OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!” Violet's hands and bare thighs were caked in dry blood. She flew off the couch and went to Make it down the hall to the guestroom. But instead she slipped and fell in the coagulated mess on the hardwood floor

“Aw yep,” a harsh Irish lilt quipped from the kitchen. “I meant t’clean that up before ya woke, but I wasn't sure where the supplies were.”

Violet simply laid down on her floor, defeated. “I killed you,” she whispered.

Nathan appeared above her. His shaggy hair fell across his forehead and the goatee and mustache Violet swore he had shaved was back. He consciously fumbled to button his dress shirt that she was certain he wasn't wearing as he lay in her arms.

“You were in your underwear. You were bleeding to death last night in your underwear only,” she sat up grimacing at her blood caked hair.

“I cleaned up the best I could. Told ye it would be half five when I came to. Didn't wanna leave ye on the floor, so I carried ye t’the sofa. Sorta did a bit o’the whore’s bath in your sink.” Nathan mimed washing his body, “Not really comfortable with the whole showering in a strange bird’s gaff without permission.”

Violet stumbled to her feet with Nathan’s help. His reflex to catch her as she slid again in the mess was quick. Their chests pressed together again. His skin against hers as she clung to the seams of his shirt to balance herself. Violet's face flushed. From a hangover or how warm Nathan was. Alive.

“I ran you through with a carving knife. You died in my lap. You turned ice cold and had purple lips and I thought to myself how many times I asked you if you ever shut up.”

“Only when I'm dead,” Nathan absently stroked her hair. Large hand gently rubbed her back and took a chance at getting a squeeze of her ass.

Violet ignored what Nathan did and refused to look at him. Not in those ever changing eyes anyway. Instead she placed her hand flat on Nathan's smooth, if not slightly stained, chest. No gaping wound, heartbeat steady.

Violet's own heart pounded in her ears as the adrenaline from touching him raced through her veins. There was no denying that he was just as beautiful alive.

And no denying that Nathan eagerly tried to crash his mouth into hers, but Violet swerved. “Are those my underwear!?”

Nathan stepped back to pop his shirt up and push his own backside in her direction. “Mine were ruined,” he rubbed himself and bit his entire bottom lip. “Oi they're soft and make my ass look great.” He slapped it for good measure.

“I like you better dead"

Nathan sneered sarcastically and rolled his eyes. His lips moved with no sound coming out but baby babble. "See if I make YOU breakfast again!”

A hot shower and clean clothes later, Violet climbed onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. Her houseguest sat a plate of food and a mug of tea in front of her

“Found some peppermint. Mum says that helps with a hangover.” Dimpled grin before he turned around to finish cleaning up her kitchen.

“Oh,” Violet was taken aback by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” she meant it. “Hey! You’re not using magic.”

“Nooo. I'll use it sparingly until I have to give it back. Been right fucking fun while it’s lasted.”

“You’re cleaning my kitchen.”

“Yeah? If you tell us where some brushes and such are, I'll clean the floor next.”

Violet felt a pleasure seep into her bones as she sipped the hot tea. It was nice to have someone to look after her for once. She had time to really watch as Nathan scrubbed the pans he used. She took notice of him biting a cuticle or chewing skin off his lip as he carefully searched her drawers for a towel. He flitted about kind of like a hummingbird; never staying still long enough between tasks.

“Nathan you don't have to do any of this. I know it's just a layover until you're back in London. I The situation isn't exactly ideal. Now that I murdered you, isn't it fucking weird?” Violet questioned around a mouthful of food.

He faced Violet while drying the dishes. “Nah. Been killed loads of times. Impaled twice. Sewer pipe. Metal picket fence. Then had my head bashed in. Stabbed in the heart by a beautiful girl who is a bit dodgy about me kissing her is tops now!” A bright smile crept across his face.

“why are you cleaning then?”

Nathan scratched the back of his head in thought, “Well, so ye don't have t’remember I was ever here.”

Violet’s mouth hung open but she closed it quickly. “Who the fuck would ever want to forget you?” She started to laugh, “I watched your anger literally explode in hundreds of rabbits. I probably drank a hundred bucks of liquor for free. You took a guy’s tongue out for slapping my ass. And you're..”

Nathan leaned on the island top with his chin in one hand, “Immortal?” He wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

“An Irish prick,” Violet cocked her own eyebrow in return. Nathan pouted.

“I've gotta go to the casino. I know someone in the back of the house who found all of your shit. Please just stay here. Can you do that?” She got up to get a bucket and cleaning supplies from the closet.

“Do you know how many movies start with someone saying don't move?!” There was a gleam in his bright green eyes.

“Nathan, I mean it!” she commanded from the bedroom. “I have to go Christmas shopping too. Jesus it's Christmas eve.” She hobbled back into the living room trying to pull a shoe on.

“Fine. But if I find porn anywhere and have a wank out of boredom, that's on you lady!” He mimicked masturbating in her direction.

Violet’s face contorted in disgust as she threw on a leather jacket. “Grow up.”

“Tried that. She ran away with all the money, and I went to prison. When do I meet mum and dad?” shit-eating grin

“They're dead.”

Nathan’s face fell. For once he was momentarily speechless. “My step-dad’s a dog.”

Violet's hand was on her doorknob, but she paused. “Wait.. Like cheats on your mom dog?”

“More like turns into a naked Jack Russell at night with his massive cock out all over town.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“So much. T’anks for asking!” Nathan grabbed Violet by the wrist. He spun his finger in a circle ever so slightly. “Just a bit o’ Christmas magic before you go?”

Violet gasped as a sprig of mistletoe manifested itself above them. A bough of pine spread on either side of the doorway wrapped in tinsel. Little white lights started to twinkle from inside.

“Nathan, it’s beau-” but Violet was interrupted by his mouth covering hers again.

He was softer this time as his hands gripped her waist. His tongue gently slid into her mouth and Violet accepted it. Her body relaxed into him as their lips moved on instinct. But she found herself as quickly as she had gotten lost. She managed to wedge her hands between their bodies so she could push herself away.

“No. Nope. We can't do this. You're leaving the day after tomorrow, and I'm not a fucking Hallmark Christmas movie.”

Nathan brushed his nose against Violet's forehead, “I think it's too late for that.” But she turned abruptly and left him cold by the front door.

“Make yourself at home, okay?” Was all she shouted from the other side of the door.

[peterspideyy]

5 times peter parker wanted to tell you he loves you, and the one time he finally does

summary- basically the title

warnings- angst, death, blood, swear words

1.

the first time peter wanted to tell you he loved you more than a friend was, when you both were studying for a test at his house. may said you could sleep over as it was getting late, and you live across town. she didn’t mind you sleeping over though, it’s not like you haven’t done it before.

“ughh can we stop studying? i feel like my head is about to explode with knowledge!” you sighed heavily, smacking your science book against your head causing peter to laugh tiredly.

“mmm okay, do you want to watch a film?”

“you know it!”

within minutes, peter had star wars on and sweets ready for you both. you were both engrossed in the film in-front of you, while you sat on peter’s bed, covered in blankets. you and peter were so interested in what was happening, that you didn’t realise you both moved your hands at the same time, to pick up the same piece of popcorn, causing your hands to meet and an electrical spark to form.

you both looked at each other, before you smiled, apologising slightly and turned back to the film. but, peter couldn’t turn his eyes away. he was engrossed not in the film, but in you. and in that moment, peter realised he was falling in love with his best friend.

2.

the second time peter wanted to tell you he loved you more than a friend was, when you stood up to flash when he was being mean to peter. it was during lunch at midtown school, where you, peter, ned and mj all sat on your regular table in the canteen. peter couldn’t help but look at you for longer after you spoke. you just looked so beautiful, causing peter to blush. but then, flash came causing you all the groan in annoyance.

“hey penis parker! still with your imaginary girlfriend? or are you still drooling over y/n?”

peter wanted to punch him right in the face when he mentioned your name. but, he also mentally slapped himself for being so dumb at how obvious he was in love with you.

“flash...go away!” peter spoke quietly, not making eye contact, but instead looking at you.

“ohhh, your not denying that you love her then?”

“flash,” you harshly spoke, looking at him, “do us a favour and fuck off! stop saying peter doesn’t have a girlfriend! it just shows how he hasn’t found the right person yet, which is so clever in my opinion! but, you go round the school going out with every girl which is so fucking stupid! so, can you please leave us alone so we can eat our fucking lunch?!”

the whole canteen fell quiet, causing you to blush slightly looking down at her food. seconds later, students forgot about what happened and the canteen came back to life. flash laughed slightly, before walking away which was must of a relief to the group.

“y/n i-i,” peter was going to say it, he was so close to saying it, “i-i i appreciate that you stood up for me.”

“no worries, it’s what best friends do!”

peter flinched at those words. he didn’t want to be best friends with you. he wanted to call you his.

3.

the third time peter wanted to tell you he loved you more than a friend was, when you found out he was spiderman.

it was silly how you found out the friendly neighbourhood spiderman was in fact peter parker. during the school day, you both agreed to go to peter’s house after school to study (which is what you normally do.) you told him that you had to collect something, but would meet him at his house which he happily agreed.

however, peter being spiderman caused him to be hours late to meeting you at his house, due to fighting all the bad guys.

with many persuasions from karen, peter decided to go home, causing him to want his bed even more. when he snook into his room, he was shocked to find you sat on his bed, starring at him.

you must of starred at each other for minutes, before you actually moved towards peter.

“you-you’re spiderman?”

“errr,” peter didn’t know if it was a statement or question, “yehh?”

“w-what? how is this possible? are you an avenger?”

“i’m sure you have lots of questions, which i would answer tomorrow. you know, fighting bad guys is tiring!”

“are you hurt?!”

“shhh y/n!” peter quickly looked to the door, incase may heard.

“may doesn’t know?!”

“no, if she found out she would definitely tell me to stop!”

“okay okay okay, i won’t tell anyone if that’s what your wondering. we are not done with this conversation though, pete!”

“yes, okay,” peter smiled slightly at you, “thanks for excepting me as spiderman.”

“it’s okay, i love,” when you spoke, peter hoped you would say those three words, he’s been dying to say for the past two months, “being friends with spiderman! so cool!”

peter wanted to cry. of course, you think you’re only friends. all he wanted to do, was kiss you and tell you how much he loved you. but he couldn’t.

“right, i’ve got to go! see you tomorrow spidey!”

“yeah, bye.” peter sulked, once you left, falling onto his bed with his head stuffed in his pillow.

how can it be so hard telling your best friend that he loves you more than a friend?

4.

the fourth time peter wanted to tell you he loved you more than a friend was, mainly due to ned.

you, peter and ned where all at ned’s house, building a lego death star. you where all eating crap, which isn’t abnormal for all of you.

“right i’ll be right back, i need the toilet.” you smiled to them both, before leaving the room.

peter and ned watched you leave, before ned quickly turned to peter as soon as you left the room.

“mate, you gotta tell her!”

peter kind of regrets telling ned how he feels about you, instead of telling well...you. whenever ned gets the chance, he reminds peter on his feelings. it’s not like peter reminds himself 24/7.

“ned, no. she’s said so many times how she views me as a friend.” peter replied, looking away from him to carry on placing lego in the correct places.

“peter...listen to me,” ned spoke, causing peter to meet his eyes before sighing slightly, “if you don’t tell her how you feel, she will soon find someone who will tell her. she will move on. i bet you, actually i know she likes you back. you can just see the love you both feel when your in the same room! it’s disgusting but in a cute way. peter, if you don’t tell her, you’ll loose the chance to.”

“don’t tell who what?” you entered, making peter and ned jump (especially peter.)

you couldn’t of heard everything could you? thoughts where running through peters mind, at what you could of heard. peter sensed that ned was looking at him, forcing him to finally say what he’s been wanting to say for months.

“i-i,” peter was shocked, he couldn’t bare this amount of stress, “i’ve got to go.”

“oh.” you spoke quietly, immediately thinking you said something which upset him. without saying a goodbye, peter left, leaving his best friend and the girl who he loved to much to say.

5.

the fifth time peter wanted to tell you he loved you more than a friend was, when he found out you had a boyfriend.

peter harshly choked on his food in the school canteen, when you said you were going out with brad. peter wanted to scream in pain, anger and sadness. he missed his chance. he wants to shout at ned for what he said two weeks ago about how he will miss his chance. well, ned was right.

“peter? are you okay?”

he wanted to say no. he wanted to say ‘i love you y/n.’ but, he just couldn’t. he sounds so dumb but he physically couldn’t speak.

“yesss, he’s fine. food went down the wrong way.” ned quickly spoke, saving peter from talking. ned felt bad for his best friend, he could see how distraught he was at your news.

“okay. oh, there’s brad! see you guys later!” you smiled at them both, letting your eyes go to peter for longer.

ever since you watched star wars those months ago, you noticed how weirdly peter has been acting around you, but you didn’t know why. was it something you did? is something going on in his life? whatever it is, it’s eating peter from the inside.

once you left, ned immediately looked at peter to see him crying into his hands. he’s never seen peter cry. not even when his uncle died. he didn’t know what to do or how to help his best friend. ned knew, that y/n was peters soulmate, but it was too late.

6.

the one time peter actually told you he loved you was, a moment peter will regret for the rest of his life.

“peter, is y/n with you?”

“no, why?”

“she hasn’t came home.”

peter’s hairs stuck up on the back of his neck, as soon as your mum said those words. he knew something was off. his spider senses were going haywire.

“i’ll call her now mrs l/n.”

“thank you peter, i hope she’s okay.”

he could sense the worry laced within her voice, “me too.”

peter quickly put his suit on, before swinging out the window. he asked his a.i, if she knew were you where, before heading to a location across town, due to karen sensing your heat signature.

a few minutes later, he arrived to a run down building. he quietly swung into a large room, where he noticed a figure sat on a chair in the middle of the room. his breath hitched, when he realised the figure was you. he ran towards you, looking side to side to see if anyone else was here.

“y/n?”

he took in the sight of you. you where clearly beaten, with fresh blood pouring across your body. peter wanted to kill whoever did this to you. you had duck tape across your lips, making your words sound more like muffles.

“oh my god, what happened?” he spoke, carefully taking of the duck tape and untying your hands behind the chair. you suddenly wrapped your arms around peters neck, letting the tears fall while he calmed you.

“c-can we go?”

“gladly.” he replied, before shooting a web to leave.

“not so fast, spidey.”

peter’s tingles went off, when he released who that’s voice belonged to. turning around, he was met with green, wicked eyes.

“greeny! how you doing!” peter spoke, before quickly telling you to hide and to stay there.

“better, now your here! i can finally ruin you. for good.” the green goblin smiled wickedly, before throwing his first punch.

meanwhile, you found a spot behind a cupboard. you were shaking so quickly. why was this happening to you? you’ve had enough stress this past week. you and brad broke up. you failed your test. you and peter haven’t been talking properly, which you didn’t know why.

you looked above the cupboard, to see peter fighting the green goblin. webs and knives where being flown across the room. you where so intrigued, with what peter was doing you didn’t see that the goblin noticed you.

“you took away my world,” the goblin spoke to peter, not loosing eye contact from you, “so i’m going to take away yours.”

peter followed the goblins eyes to you. god, no. not you.

“y/n, run!” peter screeched, before fighting the goblin away from you. but he was faster, and flew towards you, spinning you into his arms.

“goblin, you don’t want to do this. if you do this, i will fucking kill you!”

“ahh good. you know what my weakness is, spiderman? making sure you’re dead, inside and outside.” the goblin replied wickedly, before grabbing one of his spikes, looking at you before stabbing you deep in the chest.

it was as time slowed down for you. the excruciating pain you felt, once he removed the spike overflowed you. you heard peter’s screams, before you where threw onto the ground below the goblins ship.

“bye spidey, i’ll be back.” he spoke, before flying away.

peter quickly took his mask off, running desperately to you. blood was pouring out of your wound, to quickly for peter to handle. his head was spinning. tears fell from his eyes, landing softly onto your bruised neck.

“p-pete...” you spoke softly, whimpering at the pain you felt.

“shhh, it’s o-okay,” he spoke, smiling slighting, moving your soft and dirty hair out of your face, “y-y/n i need to tell you something.”

you met his eyes, crying slightly but waiting for him to continue.

“i-i i love you,” he laughed slightly, glad he finally told you, “more than a friend, i love you so much y/n l/n.”

“i-i love you too p-peter parker.”

peter smiled widely, stroking your cheek slightly before leaning in kissing your lips. it was as fireworks where exploding. the kiss tasted like salt from the tears and blood, but in was filled with pure love and adoration.

peter moved away to meet your eyes smiling slightly. but, his smile soon disappeared when he noticed your eyes were glazed.

“n-no,” peter shook you violently, “wake up! wake up! don’t you dare leave me.”

seconds passed, and you weren’t responding to peter’s desperate calls.

“y-y/n, i can’t live without you.” he whispered into your ear, letting his sobs out.

he told you he loved you. but, it was too late. you have left him, and peter hates himself for it.

“i love you, y/n.” peter spoke to the empty room.

————

a/n - wow okay, this is super sad. i think i cried twice while writing this ahah. if you have any requests comment below or dm me! thanks for reading x

[write-a-bad-romance]

Theocona Hurt/Comfort Request

Thank you for the request @delicateikemenmemes​! And thank you for notifying me about the link. It’s working now!

Disclaimer: This fic deals with Covid-19 and health workers fighting against the pandemic. I mean no harm towards real-life health workers, their families, and everybody whose lives are directly affected by Covid-19. I pray that all of us stay safe and healthy, wherever we are.

"Why not look this way, darling? I know you've been dying to see me for a week~"

"Hell no," Theo directed his eyes to the steaming mug of coffee by the desk lamp. The truth was, he'd rather die than being caught blushing at the sight of his not-boyfriend after what seemed like forever. "As if I'd been looking forward to your perverted face."

"Wah, so mean." Arthur pouted, his movements looking sluggish due to poor connection. Behind him stood rows of drab navy blue lockers and what seemed like a long-unused water dispenser. "And after all the trouble I went through to get to you."

Theo understood what he meant. He imagined the hospital staff, young and old, taking turns to use the dim, cramped room to video call home. He was lucky Arthur still managed to call him from his apartment once in a while.

 Their calls often leave no room for....friskier activities. Arthur moaned about not being able to show how much he'd been missing "Little Theo" and other obscenities the Dutchman pretended not to hear.

 Because, really, this was enough.

"So I was saying," Arthur continued, completely ignoring Theo's perpetual frown. "This bloke came in with a snakebite from a cobra. So, naturally, the boy ran around trying to administer antivenom to this poor sap."

"Listen to yourself, sounding like the epitome of an empath," Theo commented dryly.

 "Oh, the story didn't end there." Arthur waved, his hand a static blur on screen. "The lass who nursed him told me the guy had apparently gotten drunk and tried macking on his pet cobra."

 Theo involuntarily snorted a laugh despite himself. It felt good, he had to admit.

 "Aw, look, you're laughing!" The criminally handsome doctor smiled. "You look positively lush when you're laughing."

 "Shut up." Theo snapped immediately. “That’s not funny.”

Arthur's laughter rang free, a welcome sound in the desolate locker room.

"Remember the old gentleman who came to the ER saying he desperately needed a sick leave letter because he wanted to go on a holiday in Santorini?”

 "Yeah, the sod who dumped his entire life story on you, what about it?" Theo could not help but notice the distinctive dip in Arthur's tone.

"Well, he suddenly messaged me saying he quit smoking after considering my advice," Arthur flashed a reassuring grin. "That's great! His mum is high-risk after-all."

 "Uh-huh." Theo nodded, taking a swig of his coffee, hoping to calm his nerves.

"Today, you see..." Arthur trailed off, his voice trembling. "Today, there was this sweet old lady."

Don't go there, Theo warned inside his head. They would always come to this point in each of their conversations lately, without fail.

But he'd rather be there and piece Arthur together again after he collapsed.

"I think I've told you that we'd let the patient record messages before they get strapped to a ventilator, yeah? And she, um." The usually vibrant young man stuttered to find the words. "We had to retake it several times because she kept forgetting what she wanted to say. I mean, we couldn't blame her and— and then she finally said she wanted to talk to her granddaughter one last time."

Stop. Theo wanted to scream before Arthur could finish his story. Don't—

Arthur took a long, deep breath before resuming. "My mate sent it to her daughter since they're living across the country. We dinna' replay it."

No matter how Arthur changed the way he described his ordeal at the hospital every time, everything sounded the same to Theo. 

It's hard. We know it's supposed to be hard. And it still pains me every single time.

"Dr. Newcomb... Old Simon, you remember. For once, he didn't yell at us when he saw us slumping down in the hallway gutted and all." Arthur babbled, trying to erase the apparent dejection in his voice. "But hey, there's no better way to teach us 'rookies' to 'toughen up' for the job. We signed for this. We've made our bed, and now we gotta lie in it."

Theo could hardly take it any longer.

"Sometimes, Theo, I...."

"Enough," Theo shut him down. "To hell with that old fart and everybody else who keeps telling you how to do your job." he snarled.

"Woah, I didn't mean—"

"Listen up here, Arthur." He knew that wasn't the point, but Theo couldn't care less. "I can't bullshit my way and tell you everything is fine. I can't fathom one bit how all of you manage out there. You hanging on despite all that hell outside, that's just—"

"Theo," Arthur tried to soothe the Dutchman.

"No, Arthur." Theo was, in fact, at a loss for words. He knew he was rambling at the top of his boiling head. What he wouldn't do to save Arthur from the brink, and this was what he resorted to. "I know I can't tell you to suck it up and go on like a robot, but for fuck's sake."

For your sake,

"But for fuck's sake, be a little more caring to yourself." Theo managed to scale his tone down a notch. "The last thing I want is seeing you broken."

"Theo—"

"When you pull through," It's an if, not a when. "We will meet again when you win."

"Theo?" Arthur called, his glasses reflecting the light of his screen. Theo was glad he didn't have to see the tears he knew were budding in the corner of the man's eyes.

"When this is all over," he sighed. "I promise I'll come see you."

This time, it did the trick. Arthur seemed to calm down, easing back into his chair. Theo wanted to believe Arthur’s mouth was crooking into a smile.

"That's awfully sweet of you." He finally spoke. "Thank you, Theo."

Theo couldn't help but smile back, even if only for a bit. "Graag gedaan."

But the moment was cut short when Arthur suddenly looked towards the direction of the door. "Ah, bollocks. My shift is starting. See you again, old boy?"

Theo put on his signature deadpan face. His fit had drained more energy than he thought. "Sure."

"Don't you dare mess with some other bird while I'm away!" Arthur waved. "Ciao!"

"I should be the one telling you that, klootzak," He bit back weakly. "Welterusten."

Theo took off his headphones and threw them on top of his Macbook. In the privacy of his room, the man planted his face onto his dry palms.

He wanted to curse at his own clumsiness. Out of desperation, he yelled at the man who deserved his harsh words the least. At least, not this moment.

His old self back then had been too engrossed in denial and childish comebacks to let the frivolous doctor into his heart. Theo regretted it. Regretted it all now that there was a genuine possibility of not seeing him again. 

And possibly for good.

Theo wasn't a religious man, but he prayed for his brother often, prayed for others but himself. Never himself. But as he pictured Arthur walking out in full gear made him think if he wasn't a little too selfish this time.

So, he prayed. He prayed despite the selfish masses out there who refused to listen. He prayed in the face of a wall too high to climb, amidst the rising numbers, against what seemed to be an inevitable downfall. 

He prayed for a tomorrow where he'd still find him there.

Stay safe because I want to be alive at the same time as you.

Notes:

*1 The cobra incident is a real-life story from Asha’s (ashavazesa) friend who’s a co-assistant doctor. I wrote it into my fic with permission.

*2 The part with the recording is also taken from real life. I referenced it from this article from The Harvard Gazette website, which I highly recommend reading. It’s very eye-opening and heartwrenching.

*3 The final line is taken from lovelysuggestions with very slight changes . Big thanks to Emma & Maria for the quote.

Personal Comments:

Theocona, eh??? Well this was quite the challenge since I expected writing mainly from Theo’s perspective because I thought I wouldn’t be able tonail Arthur’s character properly. Thankfully, I got some help from @ashavazesa​ so everything went smoother than I expected.

But to be honest, this fic was... very hard to write. Yeah, I wrote the entire thing out of my own free will but even then I needed to take breaks every now and then to ground myself.

A little bit of background: I have a dear friend who currently has to work mobile from town to town. She’s not a health worker, but the fact that she’s out there meeting so many different people makes me anxious. There’s not a day I don’t think about her. In fact, most people here have no choice but to work outside.

I can ramble all day long about the depressing state my country is in right now, but I think I’d rather spend my energy on something else.

Sorry for the sudden rant. Thank you so much for reading until the end.