#years later I'm slowly coming to terms with this canonical ending

[vole-mon-amour]

It never not messes me up how Johnny will always be into music. How when he's all alone in V's body and he leaves Night City, the music will always be a part of his life, his muse, and his therapy (and his punishment—or at least it's once was, and it didn't help him during Samurai days and didn't keep him away from taking on Arasaka).

How he can always start recording music and land himself a music deal if he wants to (and a good one, too). But since he's trying to do what's best for him, he'll probably record for himself or play for small crowds. He's not interested in deals or maybe even the audience.

For once, he just wants to live and enjoy his life. He just wants to feel good and he's got nothing to prove or achieve. All of that in the past. For now, it's about finding and enjoying peace (and if that means staying far away from the music industry and all the deals, letting Kerry bask in his glory and being happy for Kerry from afar? So be it.)

Johnny has come so, so far. Such an extremely long way & that inner peace is the least he deserves.

(And don't get me started on how Johnny talks to Steve about music and dreams, and how he admits that Kerry is really, really good (admitting in his own way that it's okay to love Kerry and that he still does).

How he realizes that getting out of Night City is the best thing for everyone involved—him, Rogue, Kerry (and how he doesn't even tell Kerry that V is dead and he's taken her place in her body.)

How mature Johnny is after all he's been through, especially with V.

Temperance ending, my BELOVED.)

UPD: And what if Johnny takes his guitar and joins the nomads again? No need to earn money, life on the road, a family in the wild.

[charcubed]

Disneyland's Rogers: The Musical, propaganda that turns Steve Rogers into more myth than man, and revisionist history (possibly) to a purpose

Any of my thoughts in this post could just be me reading too far into things. I'm very aware of that, and please know that this post exists just because this sort of thing is fun for me! This is a thought exercise where we propose "What if we live in a world where the MCU is actually doing a cool and interesting thing as a longcon?" If you have anger at Marvel, that's valid and relatable, but please don't get angry at me or imply I'm an MCU stan who doesn't think critically about the mouse. Thanks!

Breaking news: I'm back on my bullshit!

A quick personal recap: I infamously hated Avengers: Endgame for a long list of reasons (and I even rewrote the movie). One of those reasons is that I've always taken issue with Steve's ending. But in the years since then, and as the MCU's phase 4 has evolved, my frustration at Steve's "ending" has turned into an ongoing and legitimate theory that the MCU could be slowly leading into a loosely adapted Secret Empire plot line. I know we've all been joking about Steve being trapped or about an imposter Steve since 2019, but uhhh, it's kind of not a joke to me anymore? It feels weirdly plausible at this point and so I enjoy discussing the potential.

You can find a full elaboration on that here, where I wrote out my "Steve was snatched by HYDRA" theory in 2021.

In that post, one of the things I mentioned at the time was Rogers: The Musical being in the Hawkeye trailer.

[The musical's] very existence is an example of how in-universe the stories of the lives of the heroes are being commodified, especially (in terms of how they’re framing it) for Steve’s. The heroes are no longer seen as people, if they ever were. They are, as Kate Bishop says to Clint in a recently released clip, more about “branding.” Sam Wilson will be redefining the shield moving forward in a Cap context, but simultaneously, the world is still enamored by Steve Rogers as a symbol in his own right. And that is ripe for manipulation as a Trojan horse to control public opinion… whether in the context of things like this by themselves (is the musical portraying Steve accurately, or is it painting an inaccurate picture of him the world accepts as fact?) or in future (is this propaganda that makes the public see Steve a certain way and continue to love him, to set up a fake or brainwashed Steve coming on the scene later?).

Now a form of the musical exists in full, at Disneyland and all over Youtube. Considering some of its baffling content – which I will break down below – this perspective seems even more strongly worth considering.

I have two main reasons for why I'm defending examining this musical so closely:

1. It is (arguably) an in-universe piece of media that has bearing on the MCU canon. It isn't like any other typical Disneyland attraction; its very existence is meta and it was in canon first. Obviously it's seen in Hawkeye, but there are also posters for it in several different phase 4 properties. It's lurking in the background indefinitely. So what can this musical tell us about what the wider public within the MCU is being told about the life story of Steve Rogers?

2. This Secret Empire graphic – which is animated in the center of the stage of a prolonged period of time – feels like a literal sign to pay attention.

Granted, this is obviously still ancillary material. 99% of the MCU audience will never see this musical, whether in person or on YouTube. But just because it isn't a vital piece doesn't mean it's automatically an entirely irrelevant piece.

They've given me an inch with that sign and I'm taking a mile.

So if you're interested, please join me on this journey :)

For the record, let me just say that I salute the creative team behind this show. It's pretty fun and the songs are catchy, the sets and costuming are cool, and the cast is overall very talented.

It's also fucking maddening. LMAO.

Why? Firstly, because of the seemingly deliberate ahistorical inaccuracies. We all know Ant-Man is wrongly shown in the Battle of New York, which originally "came from [the Hawkeye showrunner] and Marvel, as something to further aggravate Hawkeye as he watched the show, and also as a comment on how movies and articles and people always get something wrong." It seems like they expanded those meta nods, but most inaccuracies are now in service of glorifying Steve and Peggy's "love story." Yes, romance objectively makes for good theater; but again, I feel that this is worth examining considering the full context.

And secondly, Steve's ending is framed as an offer presented to him, convincing him it's the happy ending he deserves because he's tired. In my mind, these two big elements go together, and I'll walk you through the details of what happens in the musical before I tie the thought threads back around into some theorizing.

For your reference, here's a list of the main songs and story beats:

• "U-S-Opening Night" - the Starkettes (who are basically a Greek chorus) frame the show's story, and then it turns into an ensemble that loosely takes place at the Stark Expo. • "I Want You" – Steve's "I want" song about trying to enlist in the army. • "Star-Spangled Man With A Plan" – Steve performing on the USO tour obviously, and then there's a reprise with an added voiceover that (very briefly) covers the Howling Commandos' rescue + the war via comic book imagery. • "What You Missed" – Fury and the Starkettes tell Steve some pop culture things he missed while he was frozen, + they tell him about the Avengers. Then Fury goes down a list of other hero characters, including the Guardians? Doctor Strange? Wanda?? It plays loose and fast with time, because many non-2012 characters are bafflingly mentioned in this nonlinear Avengers list – including the Winter Soldier (???). • "Save the City" – this is the song seen in Hawkeye, with the civilians + the Avengers all involved, but it's slightly different here and expanded to also reference other battles. • "End of the Line" – Old Steve presents main Steve with the time stone as an opportunity for his happy ending, and they reflect on things together. (Yes, this is insane.) • "Just One Dance" – Steve and Peggy reunite and sing about their love. • And then there's basically a reprise of "Save the City," with the Starkettes and the whole cast closing the finale out.

Right out of the gate, let's address this: the main reason you're going to see some fans pissed about this musical is not only that Steve and Peggy's ~epic romance~ is made a pillar of the story... but also that Bucky's importance/involvement in Steve's life is minimized as much as possible.

And they took Bucky-related elements from canon and made them center more around Peggy instead.

• For some weird reason, Peggy is in the Stark Expo scene. When a soldier is hitting on the Starkettes ("hey sweetheart, I wanna dance!"), Steve tells the soldier to show the ladies some respect. The soldier grabs Steve and throws him down, and then Peggy swoops in to yell "Pick on someone your own size!" and punches the guy before walking away. So she's given Bucky's TFA line verbatim, and she is given the role he had of saving Steve from bullies. There is blatantly no reason they couldn't have had Bucky still serve that function and be truer to "history," because he briefly enters this scene in uniform less than a minute later to announce he's shipping out to the 107th – and then he spins off with a date on his arm. (We don't see Bucky on stage again until the full cast comes out for the finale!)

• After the Star-Spangled Man show, Peggy rushes in to talk to Steve. Steve is excited about his USO performance (???) but she urgently tells him to listen as she says that the 107th has been captured. Peggy apparently knows it's Bucky's division, and she knows Steve is going to go, so she tells him that she's already arranged transport for him. This is a subtle twist from the truth of how it went down in TFA, in which Steve recognized 107 as the number of Bucky's division, and his dogged determination inspired Peggy to relent and help his rescue mission. Here, Peggy is given a stronger role in the Cap origin story. And before Steve rushes off, Peggy sings a short untitled ballad hoping for their dance, so Steve pauses before he leaves to ask her to go on a date with her when he returns. • The most egregious Bucky-to-Peggy change of all is the song "End of the Line," in which the infamous Steve and Bucky line/promise (that broke Bucky's brainwashing...) is re-contextualized to be about ???? Peggy waiting for Steve in the past??? Old Man Steve and regular Steve sing it together. But we'll go back to that in a minute.

Again, I get it, yeah? It's for theater. Whatever. But in reality, the obvious logical truth is that Peggy is centered (to the point of taking elements from Bucky's story, and in turn Bucky is downplayed) because they needed to convince the audience that Steve going back in time to be with her makes sense. Steve's time travel ending had to be justified, so the Peggy and Steve "love story" had to be a pillar in this with everything else being given lesser weight.

And the inherent selfishness of him doing something as big as going back in time also had to be justified... which is why they do their best to convince you Steve fought so much he deserved it.

Let me elaborate on that by describing the lead-up to the "End of the Line" song.

So, right before "End of the Line" is "Save the City" – which includes Steve belting "I can do this all day!" repeatedly, of course. It's the 2012 Battle of New York as the Avengers come together to win.

As they begin to disperse, the song then transitions to a voiceover alert mentioning Sokovia being under attack by artificial intelligence (a.k.a. Age of Ultron). The Avengers group rushes back to center stage to say "Save the city! Help us win!" together for battle again.

And then things get fucking weird.

Because the next voiceover threat is "Washington DC. Attack: the Winter Soldier." This is not accurate to the order of events! The Winter Soldier events were before Age of Ultron; the public of the MCU would also know this.

And suddenly on stage Steve is now in the center while everyone else gestures to him. Instead of singing with him, they're telling him "Save the city! Help us win!"

Then, another voiceover: "Wakanda, under attack" (Infinity War) and again, Steve is centered while everyone else points to him. The ensemble says, "Save the city, help us win! Save us all from the state we're in! Got to hear you, got to hear you, got to hear you say..." as Steve is buckling to his knees under their pointing. And as the lights go down to one spotlight on him and everyone else leaves, he says "I can do this all day" one last time, but now it's subdued.

The implication is that Steve has been fighting and fighting, people leave him or he loses them, and he's tired.

And then fucking Old Man Steve arrives.

He says "On your left," because yes, they gave him Sam Wilson's line. BATSHIT.

So now there's two Steves on stage! There has been no mention of Thanos or infinity stones or anything up to this point! (I can only assume that's because in the MCU universe no one would want to be reminded of the trauma of "the Blip" – though it's pretty wild that they're allowed to know about magical time travel?)

Steve is baffled by Old Man Steve's arrival. I, too, was baffled by Old Man Steve's arrival.

As Steve questions how this is possible, Old Man Steve shows him the time stone from his pocket – and only the time stone – which Steve recognizes.

OLD MAN: "You've got to remember where you've been to know where you're going." STEVE: "Where am I going?" OLD MAN: "A date with destiny." STEVE: “Destiny. So we’re the hero till the end?” OLD MAN: “That’s the thing about endings, Steven. They can be rewritten.”

Lmao???????

Steve starts singing about how he hopes this means they "win" and calls himself a "tired hero."

STEVE: "But sometimes I wonder, who will save the savior? Can we really do this all day? So here I am, now and also then. Just a man, looking back at where he's been." OLD MAN: "The road is rough but wounds are healed by a thing called time. You can't forget what's waiting at the end of the line."

Me, watching this: the fact that he says this out of the blue makes absolutely no sense.

There's a bit more singing, including "end of the line" repetition, and then Old Man Steve pulls out the time stone to essentially show visions of... I don't fucking know. Past, present, and future?

That's pre-serum Steve, Steve with Mjolnir, and Sam Wilson as the new Cap. This is the only reference to Sam in the whole thing.

More singing, and then: Peggy's silhouette.

OLD MAN: "Can't forget who's waiting..." STEVE: "I can't forget who's waiting..." BOTH: "Don't forget who's waiting..." STEVE: "At the end of the line."

At this point I'm like, what in the hell?

Did Old Man Steve just brainwash normal Steve into thinking "end of the line" is now about Peggy? Because uhhhh, sorry, that's what it feels like!

Then Steve uses the stone to go back in time, reunites with Peggy, etc. etc. finale.

It's truly some crazy shit.

[drags hands down face]

Look... there's a lot to unpack here, and there's a lot that gets me about it. I know this is dramatized for the stage! I KNOW! But the fact that Old Man Steve shows up to convince Steve he should go back in time makes me want to gnaw on furniture.

Another person essentially uses the lure of a life with Peggy to tempt Steve into doing this, dramatized or not. That is how it's framed.

It's a hell of a way to frame it, and it makes Steve's ending stand in even starker contrast to so many other things in phase 4. Desperately trying to go backwards when you shouldn't or to bring back a lost lover is an evil temptation, and it results in a trap or negative cosmic consequences for basically all of the other characters in the MCU.

• In Shang-Chi, Wenwu is tempted by the Soul Eaters beyond the Dark Gate. They use the voice of his deceased wife to convince him to set them free. • In "What If" episode 4, Doctor Strange becomes evil in a desperate bid to save Christine and he destroys his universe. Along the way, he tries to tempt/trap the good Strange who's fighting him by using visions of Christine, but good Strange knows she isn't real. • Wanda's grief and desire to bring back Vision leads to – well, you know. • In No Way Home, Peter trying to undo things is what causes the multiverse problems.

And the fact that they frame it as Steve being tired, so basically the argument is he deserves that time travel ending (just like MCU fans who defend Endgame say in real life)... Well.

There's no way to make it hold up, especially because in "What If" they explicitly subverted that and had Captain Carter not go back in time despite how she felt she'd "earned" it.

Lastly, in this musical as Steve decides to pursue time travel as his course of action, he basically has the meaning or memory of "end of the line" rewritten for him. I refuse to not think that is some nefarious shit. Yes, it's not out of the realm of possibility that it's just some general Disney erasing Steve and Bucky nonsense.

But... this is on another level to me. I do think that it's a blatant choice that they had to be aware even general MCU fans would call bullshit on. Everyone knows it's inaccurate. "End of the line" is embedded in pop culture consciousness as being connected to Bucky. It just is! Surely that means it's not a stretch to theorize it could be deliberate meta commentary.

How, in the MCU world, would the in-universe playwrights even know the phrase "end of the line"? How the fuck would it be accidentally applied to Steve and Peggy? Not to sound like a crazy person, but who the fuck was rooting around in Steve and/or Bucky's personal business or their brains in order to obtain that knowledge and then remix it, and why? Neither of them would flippantly mention it in the public eye or interviews ever. So where did its inclusion come from?

And in the finale ensemble, this is Bucky's line when he comes out on stage and salutes + points to Steve: "Don't forget who's waiting..." And Old Man Steve completes it with "...at the end of the line."

What on God's green earth am I meant to do with THAT?

Smh.

The vibes are fucked, folks.

The MCU public wouldn't know enough to say the vibes are fucked. The MCU public wouldn't know the origin of "end of the line" as a phrase. But us? The ones who know the "true story" via the movies? We can call bullshit.

Whether the creative team behind this musical did every aspect of this consciously or not, in my opinion the fact that they had to tweak canon "history" to A) make Peggy's involvement in Steve's life more central and B) emphasize Steve as a tired hero all works as commentary on and almost a condemnation of Endgame's frustrating ending. In a way, it's also what Endgame did with the compass and 1973 moment with Peggy as well.

Steve's ending had to be convincing.

It's theater.

And so, maybe the same is true for the in-narrative perspective of this musical in the context of the MCU world. What purpose would it serve to tell the MCU public a feel-good narrative about how all Steve Rogers wanted was to no longer be a tragic man out of time and get to make a life with his best girl? To frame it as being about how he fought so hard for years and so he earned a happy ending? To minimize and nearly erase Bucky's importance in his life?

Who would want to do that sort of propaganda, and why?

The MCU civilians are given this happy explanation and maybe don't widely question it. Who cares about the details or logistics if it makes a good story, I guess. It's a stretch, but maybe they mostly applaud it. Maybe they're happy for "America's favorite son" (not unlike people who uncritically liked Endgame). In a way, it's even a rehabilitation of his image (after the Accords) like putting the shield on the Statue of Liberty. And maybe they'd even be ready and waiting to applaud if Steve ever made a dramatically selfless and de-aged return to the spotlight or a position of authority.

But mostly, the public is being conditioned to not know or to forget that anyone else like Bucky Barnes or Sam Wilson would possibly know Steve Rogers the person well enough in the modern day to call bullshit on any of this – or on his hypothetical miraculous future return.

So. Sure, it's probably nothing.

But what if it's not?

-------

UPDATE: @faeriecap added to this post with some incredible information and further behind-the-scenes context about the MCU/Marvel stuff at Disney parks! Check it out here :)

[herwrittenuniverse]

Happy 1 Year AO3 Anniversary to me!

Yes, I'm that weirdo that remembers the one year anniversary of joining AO3. 23, however, is my favorite number, and it was also the beginning of the school year - I think that's why it's so distinct!

Last year, I was looking to do more things that I love, so I said "fuck it" and decided to post a chapter to a fic I hadn't updated in years and years on a different fanfiction website. A longtime reader/ fanfic author @butterflydreaming-writes-fic contacted me and basically said, "Girl, you gotta get on AO3. It's where it's at!" And one year later, here we are!

Here are some totals for you...

Of course, I know some other authors have higher stats then me, and that's okay. I'm proud that in just a year, I've accumulated over 1000 kudos, over 200 bookmarks, and over 21,000 hits. It's very gratifying.

I have 23 stories in total, but not all of them of new. Some are old ones that I reposted from a different website. Out of those 23, 9 are Cardcaptor Sakura, 2 are Final Fantasy VII, and a whopping 12 are of The Dragon Prince (with more to come on the way! I'm in the groove now.)

My most popular story based on hits is Lunation, my interpretation of the reconciliation between Rayla and Callum. I worked the hardest on this fic and am happy to see it still remains at my most popular piece. (Although, some of the shorter, sillier ones from S5 are quickly approaching its numbers, and I admit I will be kind of sad if it's no longer at the top! 😂) On the other end, my least popular is Red Lite, Green Lite, which is a silly little fic about Vincent Valentine going about Midgar trying to get a cigarette. It's quite funny.

The first not-reposted original story was Promises, Promises - a take on Callum's fatal promise to Rayla. ("You have to kill me.") I've never written such an action-packed piece and I am pretty proud of it. Even when rereading it, I still feel the urgent tone that carries itself throughout the story.

My most underrated fic is definitely To Those Who Crossed Over, a weirdly experimental story about how Touya from CCS - a naturally gifted clairvoyant - comes face-to-face with another medium, causing some interesting in-depth insight about Yue. While it's not the norm, it definitely is an interesting read.

In the next year, I would love to post some other fandoms (like RWBY, for example) and perhaps continue/expand on the CCS fic To Love Another. It's a story about Touya coming to terms with who Yukito/Yue are as a person. It is definitely the most quietly popular fic, with no comments but 96 kudos and 18 bookmarks.

Also, I want to simply continue to write. I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to fanfiction. Character and canon accuracy are important to me, but I am slowly realizing that fanfiction can be whatever you want it to be. And that's the beauty of it.

Remember, fanfiction writers do it for nothing except the love of our fandom. We take time out of our days to pour our hearts into stories for you to read. I'm so grateful to AO3, as the website allows us a safe space to do that. (I always donate when the time comes, and if you read or write on AO3, you should too!)

In the past year, I rebranded and created my online personal as HerWrittenUniverse because I felt like I was entering another era of fandom. In addition, fanfiction has personally opened up so many door for me. It's giving me a healthy way to express my love for a fandom, challenged me to increase my writing skills, and opened up doors to friendships that I never though possible. So thank you to Cris for kicking my butt and getting me on AO3, thank you to my fellow fandom friends for supporting me (and everyone else!), and thank you to the readers. Fanfiction writers create for themselves - but the support is always nice, too!

Cheers to another year on AO3!

[fullmetalscullyy]

I read some of your fics and let me just say that I LOVED them!!!! Riza and Roy's relationship was just beautifully written!!! Can I ask if you have any specific headcanons or aus you want to ramble about?

AAAAAA THANK YOU 🥰🩷💖💗

i will preface this with saying it's been about 5 years since i actually watched fma lmao so my concept of royai in general and canon may be (definitely is) skewed purely by my own self indulgence, delusions, and poor memory (for real, i read a fanfic once where they said grumman's first name was walter and i took that on board and for about 8 years thought that was his canon name 💀 i'm easily influenced hahaha) but who cares i'm thriving anyway so i'm happy 😌

ok so. headcanons

most of these change with my mood or what fic i'm writing to fit in with the story i'm writing. i love having flexibility and things to play around with lol

roy calls riza "my love"

tenderness ✅ affection ✅ adoration ✅

this man dragged himself back from the brink of death/unconsciousness under central just so he could go to riza (and alphonse but shhh just riza)

roy fell first

riza fell slowly

he fell HARD and when riza realised she was like "oh shit 😳"

feelings developed tentatively when they were young (roy was both scared of but impressed by quiet, feral little riza). he was patient tho and eventually, riza fell too

idk when they each realised. i like to play about with that idea like toys in the sandbox lol so it chops and changes depending on my mood

they're both v professional obvs and hide their feelings well but sometimes roy gets a wee bit too into the role he ""plays"" while speaking to elizabeth and hears about it later. but he just shrugs and doesn't care bc how can he be sorry when he gets to pretend he's in love, or close to it at least, w elizabeth - not that there's any actual pretending hehehehehe

they end up becoming a dog family. all the pups. because it's what riza wants

realistically, would they have kids together?? hmmm ask again later but in my mind where there's 0 consequence and things are hand wavey yes 😌 need girl dad roy and mama hawk in my life

there is definitely a way they could play marriage between them and having a family strategically and politically and i've read some fab fics and thoughts where they do but i'm not clever enough to think anything up hahaha but i feel like they absolutely would in the canon world. it would suit them and their goals well if they did

obvs the kid would be loved and doted on don't get me wrong it would just be convenient that it worked out politically for them too

i'm sure i have more rattling about in my brain somewhere but i was up at half 4 this morning for a road trip and this is all i got for now hahaha

in terms of aus, i don't have anything cooking atm. i would love to delve into another one but i've done so many at this point i feel i've exhausted my wee list but!! also accomplished and written everything i've wanted to write for royai 🥰

however. i will say. for years i've been dreaming of a royai/x files au. royai as mulder and scully??? roy the believer and riza the skeptic??? stunning. i would LOVE to write that but i just. do not have it in me anymore unfortunately. that being said, i will never say never!! it might eventually come back around to me. but we'll see :)

thank you for the ask!!!!! and the kindness 🥰🩷

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hi, aj!

How are you?

This will be about ER. Who is your favorite character and why?

hi, anon!

i'm well! how are you doing?

honestly, i have a hard time deciding on one single favorite character on er, just because a) there are so many characters i absolutely adore (mark, susan, carter, benton, lucy, and neela among them), and b) my answer tends to change based on the era.

that said, forced to choose, i'd say my all-time favorite er character is abby lockhart.

while certainly there are some parts of abby's storyline i enjoy more than others—i've never really liked any of her canon romances, tbh—in terms of her personality and overall arc, i find her so endlessly compelling.

given what her background is, she reads exactly as she ought to.

she is so real and three-dimensional and dynamic!

watching the way she evolves over the course of her nine years on the show is one of the great delights of er's later seasons for me.

and, of course, maura tierney is such a consummate actress! i can only imagine that had she not been in direct competition with west wing-era allison janney for most of her er career, she probably would have much more major award show hardware on her mantel for this role.

just on a pure character design level, i love abby's wry, sardonic sense of humor; that she is a fellow minnesotan and has that "well, i guess this may as well happen—" kind of fatalistic midwestern outlook; how she occasionally is possessed of a streak of "bored housecat" naughtiness; how deeply she cares about her patients and will go out on limbs for them, oftentimes literally; her complicated relationships with her family members; how steel-trap clever she is; the way she struggles with her self-esteem; how she has to really work to initially find her confidence and speak up but then becomes such a firebrand (and sometimes rebel) in the department; her love for dead flowers; her deadpan comedic scenes; that she has some of the deepest, most fleshed-out female friendships on the show (particularly with kerry and neela); the way she so often self-sabotages and then has to deal with the consequences but always does deal with them, however roughshod the effort; how she gradually overcomes her hard start in life and eventually grows into this really graceful, wise, centered person, both professionally and personally; etc., etc., etc.

i also love that her story isn't a linear one: that she starts and stalls, not only along her path to becoming a doctor but also with her own recovery from alcoholism and her mental health issues; her interpersonal relationships and her struggles with her own self-doubt.

the way she is written is remarkable in a good way.

she is allowed to make mistakes to a degree that few female main characters on primetime television ever are—to fuck up royally and even at times be downright unlikeable—and yet she is also allowed to progress, however slowly and unevenly, and to grow.

to me, her long-in-coming triumphs are that much sweeter and more earned because of her numerous setbacks and failings along the way. you really do travel a wending road with her, and by the time you reach the end of it, the destination is so welcome.

there are multiple abby-centric episodes that are among my favorites of the whole series, including episodes 07x07 "rescue me," 10x12 "nicu," 11x10 "skin," and 14x08 "coming home."

i've said it before, but i have never seen such a well-done character sendoff episode on any series as episode 15x03 "the book of abby," which serves as a bittersweet, beautiful forty-five minute love letter to our much-beloved protagonist as she leaves county general for the last time.

her overall arc is one of the best examples of character development i've ever had the pleasure to watch.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[suzyq31]

Hi! How you can imagine story of HHr if it was il books ( where it can start) and their Post-war life?

Hmmm, probably not the best person to ask as I don't really like the idea of them being together during the books. One reason I didn't enjoy the canon pairings (aside from Jily), is that I'm not into EVERYONE being with the first person they ever dated. I would have preferred a more open ending, without the epilogue. Personally I'm glad that romance was never the focus of the series, although I would have liked some more nuanced dynamics.

I'm quite boring and the only main head canon would be that they slowly discover their feelings over time after the war, even if it's years later.

One example I adore of this is the one shot Finding Jane by Delivermefromeve (epilogue compliant), and of course Unlike a Sister by MadHarmony. Or another personal favorite that's not epilogue related is Taking the Leap by TLM8.

In terms of my own writing, the closest I've come to portraying this is my collaboration with @bettertoflee with It Had To Be You (idiots that don't realize they're practically already together), or my shorter fic called Opal and Mistletoe.

Sorry I'm probably the worst Harmony shipper ever 😅 I'm sure teenage me would have had vastly different opinions.

[southfarthing]

Hello! I’m so sorry if this is a weird question, and no pressure to answer if you don’t want! But I was wondering if you had any advice on reading The Silmarillion?

I’ve tried reading it once before, years ago, and I ended up dnfing it about halfway through. I’m one of those people who found it really hard to get through, and also really hard to keep track of who’s who and everyone’s history. Despite getting halfway in before I stopped I couldn’t tell you anything about what happened past the first chapter or so, a lot of information seemed to go in one ear and out the other, so to speak.

But I’d really like to try reading it again! Silm fandom seems really fun, and I want to know who all your tragic murder elves are!! And I do generally really like canons with big complicated lore and history and endless background characters to blorbofy, once I wrap my head around the lore. But the Silm is like… on another level past what I’m used to. So I’m not sure if or how I should be approaching it differently to get more out of it and successfully get through the readthrough. Should I be like… taking notes?? Are there any good resources or guides you know of that I should be keeping out as I read to reference things? Am I overcomplicating things?? Or is there another book in the legendarium that you would recommend reading first as a sort of warm up to ease myself into it? (For reference I’ve only read The Hobbit and LotR at this point).

Hi, not to worry! I'm glad you want to give it another shot! I'm having a bit of a soup-brain day so I'm just gonna put some thoughts in bullet points

there's plenty of guides! I know tea with tolkien did one, and I'm sure if you google it you'll find more. likewise, I'm sure there's silmarillion summary videos on youtube if that's your kind of thing (I personally hate videos lmao but they could help visualise?)

i wouldnt approach it like a novel. yeah, it's vaguely in chronological order, but there's a lot of jumping between settings, zooming in on specific events while glossing over others, and not much time to breathe. so I'd read it slowly, bit by bit. read one chapter and then put the book down for the rest of the week so you can mull it over in your mind. enjoy it!

if you want, skip the ainulindale and valaquenta for now. I understand why the book starts with those, as that all comes first within the story, but I think skipping to the elves can help in terms of having characters whose stories you can follow! you can always go back and read that part later

maybe familiarise yourself with the finwean family tree? there's one at the end of the book, as well as a few others.

there's also a graph of the sundering of the elves there too. I know that was something I struggled with - all the different names for the groups of elves and who went where during the sundering

personally I don't think you need to take notes! you can if you want, or you can underline/highlight important parts? up to you. i don't think it's necessary, though

it's ok to read it and miss important parts. that's what makes re-reading fun >:)

try not to make it seem really big and difficult in your head! people always joke about it being impossible to read or archaic or whatever, but I don't think that's entirely true. I mean yeah it's not a beach read - you do have to read slowly and focus and think - but if you were ok with reading lord of the rings, I don't think there's much of a jump between that and the silm. the writing is in recognisable english (it's not like reading shakespeare and needing a mini glossary on every page). I think it's more the style that throws people off? and that's something you try to get used to as you read through (and personally I really enjoyed it once I got used to it! it makes some scenes feel so !!!!!!!)

nope, you're on the right track in terms of reading order!

happy reading!

[thornfield13713]

97 + 12 Fiddlestan

Okay!

So, I'm going to hew pretty close to the canon setting for this one, because...I like it. So, where are they travelling from? Or to? I lean towards this being a Weirdmageddon thing - the plan fails, and Bill is victorious, and decides to mark his victory by scattering the consciousnesses of his victims across time...thereby inadvertently sowing the seeds of his own destruction, but...that is the way it tends to go.

So, the mind that ends up farthest back is Ford Pines, who wakes up in his bed at Backupsmore with the memories of the apocalypse fresh in his mind. The first thing he wants to do is call his brother, whom he last saw being horrifically ripped apart molecule by molecule in front of him before Ford met the same fate. It takes him fully half an hour to remember...right. Cellphones haven't been invented yet. And he has no idea where Stan is or what he could be doing. Nor does he have the resources to go looking. He can work to avert the apocalypse - he'll work hard, go back to Gravity Falls, and this time he'll know better than to play into Bill's hands, might even be able to find some way to put an end to that infuriating triangle-man for good. He has to go back to Gravity Falls, because if it's not him, Bill will find some other sucker, and they won't know what Ford does. They won't be able to handle the situation as well as Ford could. He doesn't need to find his brother to save the world.

But. He can't stop thinking about it anyway. About how Stanley looked when he arrived at the sh- at Ford's house. About the hints let slip, years later, about what his life before that had been like. About Stanley spending thirty years working to bring Ford home and - all right, succeeding at the worst possible moment, but...looking back now, with the perspective of having lost his brother horrifically before they could make any sort of real amends...that was a lot of work. So, he goes looking, as best he can. He might save up for a private detective or similar, because the 1970s were kind of short on means to track people down, and Ford is really feeling the loss of the internet he had been starting to get used to in the 2010s.

He doesn't get the money together until he's in post-grad, and even then, it takes a while, particularly as Stan keeps changing addresses and adopting new identities. Eventually, though, Ford finds him. In prison in Texas, okay, but...alive. He has to go in person, citing a family emergency and skipping out in the middle of term-time, to visit, and the look on Stan's face on the other side of the glass is enough to tell Ford that...he's alone here. This is the Stan of this time, hungry and desperate and not quite believing what he sees and god, he's so young, how did Ford never process how young he was when he got kicked out before? They talk, anyway. Ford tells Stan what he's been doing, hears a...very much censored and played for laughs version of Stan's own recent years...and then Ford leaves, with a promise to come back in a month or so, the next time he can get away from his studies. Stan, who had been planning a jailbreak, ends up serving out his whole sentence just for those regular visits, patching up his relationship with his brother slowly, awkwardly, and with not a few backslides and difficult moments, but steadily. His sentence finishes out not long after Ford gets his research grant, and when that happens, Ford invites him to Gravity Falls.

And all of the above is just background, because the story actually starts here: Stan Pines, waking up in bed in Gravity Falls, more than thirty years before he remembers getting killed by Bill, with the memories of those thirty years still clear in his head. And, the same morning, Fiddleford McGucket turning up at Ford's door, having driven straight from Tennessee to try and stop Ford from summoning Bill.

Neither Stan nor Fidds trusts Ford on his word that he has no intention of trying any such thing this time, he's just living in Gravity Falls, trying to learn everything he can and avoid making the worst of his past mistakes again. And also trying to head off Bill using some other poor schmuck to do the same thing. Which means they're all three living in the Shack together, watching each other just to be sure. It's the wreck of Fidds' marriage, but...that barely feels real to him now. His wife left him decades ago, and- Okay, most of the physiological reasons for his mental decline aren't there now, but...that was only ever half the story. He feels fundamentally cut off from other people. So does Stan, thirty years older than he looks, knowing so much more about the people of Gravity Falls than he can reasonably explain. And neither of them is- they know, logically, that things have been better this time around, but- neither of them is quite willing to open up to Ford yet (though this does get better over time) so they gravitate to one another instead - the only people who can really understand their experiences.

Not really sure how things evolve from here - probably a loose monster-of-the-week format with relationship-building around the sides - but Bill is still out there, and may reach out to this little group. And, when that doesn't work, he's liable to take an interest in just what it is that's making these humans so unusually resistant to his pitch routine.

[ilgaksu]

For the fic writer emoji ask: 👀🦅❌

Not for the ask: 💖🌸🕶

so some uniqlo stores allow custom embroidery on items from uniqlo, and i definitely considered getting the heihua flower and black glasses on my bag. i got two little cats instead, but one of them is pink, so?

from these fic writer asks

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

i am trying this year to do more seasonal fics, because that's something i love, and so i have a period-accurate 1980s AU based on the film The Lost Boys for halloween. hei xiazi is a vampire and carnie, xiao hua wears high-waisted jeans and pastel graphic button up shirts, and wu xie has no idea for half of the AU that vampires exist.

in terms of canon-aligned fic, i have a fic dealing with xiao hua, transness, dysphoria, and cohen's 7 monster theses, but the fic itself is very draining in terms of focus to make the intensity of emotional expression land, so it's slow-going.

and in terms of a different fandom, i am slowly sliding into mysterious lotus casebook, and i have about 3 fic ideas already, i just have to actually finish the show first.

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

i have no written outlines for a fic, ever. often, the fic you see is a first draft because i often redraft at the point of writing, and because i do not have any beta (i have sensitivity readers and friends who give second opinions, but no beta. all the sins and errors in my fic are my fault).

for example, wicked and loving lies was a first draft written entirely in 48 hours bar for one passage which had been picked over and sat in a google doc for months. the centre of every poem was written in one sitting of four hours long. it risks a lot of issues with cinnamon words (or where the same word shows up too many times for my liking) and also is why there are often slight edits later on when i can sit and reread it.

even for long multi-chap fics, the no-written-outlines remains the same. for aus, all the details of worldbuilding are also from memory. all the callbacks and extended metaphors are also purely memorised, and not just for fic, but across whole extended canon universes (if you look, the heihua extended universe all interconnects and calls back to each other thematically and with certain metaphors and phrases). if i ever die midway through a fic, you're all screwed, because there won't be any evidence but for my discord group chats about how it was meant to end.

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

SEE, I TRY NEVER TO SAY NEVER, BECAUSE IT WILL COME BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS. and often i take tropes i dislike the longstanding interpretation of and try and reinvent them, so while there are tropes i hate to read personally, i can't say i wouldn't ever try and write them. in fact, i've often written things precisely because of how i'm not sure if i can make it work, because i like the challenge.

.....wait, can i say disability as cheap tragedy porn? because every time i see disability done as cheap tragedy porn, i have the emotional equivalent of hearing a nuclear warning strike siren.

listen, i'm literally lying on my bed right now staring at the ceiling trying to contemplate tropes i wouldn't write. sorry, i think you have stumped me with this one, so well done.

[beneathashadytree]

Can i get some really sappy extra in love Bertholdt smut, like he just told his beloved hes the colossal and she assured him she'll always love him and accepts him for who he is and it leads to really emotional love making with maybe a little breeding kink too? I love Bert so much and deserves the world

BITTERSWEET (PART 1) - BERTHOLDT HOOVER X READER

Warnings : this is a canon-divergent AU, Bertholdt is 20 in this and survived, same applies to the reader, making out, a bit of groping, mild nipple play, grinding, loving sex, mating press, breeding kink, reader is a female!

Genre : smut, lots of angst, fluff too

Word count : 6.5K (uh oh)

Synopsis : Bertholdt's sins were uncountable and immeasurable, but so was the love she had for him---even if it was 4 years later.

Additional notes : I'm so sorry, this took me so long to write but I found myself unable to stop, and I got carried away! I hope you enjoy this, your feedback would mean a lot to me! PS: this is not proofread (oops).

Click here for part 2

Requests : Are open! Check the rules over here.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp!

Masterlist

Bertholdt's survival came with a price that left a bitter taste in his mouth that would never wash away---and that was the fact that his blatant betrayal had been left wide open for people to see and slowly tear apart for inspection. Even during his absence from a scene, the fact that he was none other than the Colossal titan that had terrorized the lands of those he'd grown to consider as friends was an indisputable fact that people grew furious at and cursed on the daily. He was well aware of that much, and he couldn't run away from it. His desperation to cling onto his life had been rewarded with having his comrades snatch him away before any altercation could've happened. The risk was far too great for them to leave him with the original plan in Shiganshina for too long, seeing as the scouts were clearly intent on finishing them all off. With Zeke so heavily injured by none other than Captain Levi, Pieck had been forced to drag his mangled body along with Bertholdt's steaming torso on her cart titan's back with much difficulty, seeing as Reiner had to be rescued as well, and the extra weight to lug was nothing to laugh at. But Bertholdt's cries of despair hinted at something far more important; something urgent that needed his warrior friends' immediate help.

"Her, bring her along!" he'd practically screamed his head off before Pieck had covered much of a distance, and after a few moments of hesitation, she'd turned on her heel, titan leaping into the air amidst the horrified yells and the sound of snapping bones, before she came back, bounding with the girl's unconscious body held limply between her rows of teeth.

That had all happened when he was a mere 16 year old who'd been thrust into a world he shouldn't have been born into. A teenager who'd been burdened with a mission that left him mutilated and tattered, presumed for dead more often than not when people stumbled upon his hospital bed, steam rising from his limbless body as his howls of pain tore through the night, agonizing his friends (who really weren't that much better off) who could listen in on his garbled voice through the paper-thin walls. He cried for himself; for his doomed fate that had been further sealed since his return from the island, for his father who was forced to see him in that limbless state and beat himself up for sending him to meet his end, and above all, for his dear, sweet lover who'd been dragged along to the land of hell, where they'd be treated like a spawn of the devil himself. It's not like falling in love with her had been on his agenda. If anything, Bertholdt had come to terms with the fact that---amongst all his warrior friends, that is---he was the least likely to find the courage to seek affection from someone he fancied; let alone have them reciprocate his feelings. And yet somehow, the ever-shy boy had found himself pining after a certain girl who'd had him wrapped around his finger, much to Annie's dismay as she'd reprimand him for mingling too much with the enemy. However, it was all useless; after all, he'd long had his heart set on her, and it had become near impossible to tear his eyes away from her. Bertholdt was lovesick, and even the somewhat-daft Reiner was able to spot his fond gaze miles away. Of course it had only been a matter of time before his affections had overflowed, and he found himself stumbling in front of the barracks' doorstep to blurt out that he'd had a crush on her for quite a while now.

After he'd grimaced, expecting a brutal rejection, he'd been pleasantly surprised to find that she returned the feeling, even opting to cup his cheek and press a chaste kiss to his lips, before leaving him dumbfounded with the lingering scent of her perfume. His momentary bravery had indeed been rewarded with something so big, so new, and so exciting that he didn't know what to do with his budding relationship with the cadet who'd captured his heart. The days had bloomed into weeks and soon months, and the upcoming disasters had yet to fall, but Bertholdt wasn't blind to the fact that the truth would inevitably come out, and that the young love that had sprouted between them would be flattened to dust in no time. The sweet kisses, the warm embraces, the midnight strolls that nearly always got them in trouble with the scouts' top brass---all would come crashing down the very moment he'd reveal his true identity as the Colossal titan, and soon the mission he'd come to finish became the one thing he dreaded more than anything. And for good reason as well---because the horrified expression he saw amidst the blinding yellow light as he transformed ontop of the wall was a sight he wished he could erase from his memories. The mere thought of them harboring enough hatred towards him to pull such a face was something that hauntef him, day in, day out. Knowing that it was irreversible sent his mind into a frenzy, because no matter what, he would never be able to turn back time to when they doted over him, and even admired him for the kindness and gentleness he knew he didn't possess. Perhaps seeing her like that was punishment for his sins, but for the first time in his sorry life, Bertholdt wished that he could repent once and for all.

And perhaps he'd vainly thought that stringing her along to the homeland would solve all his problems; that time would be kind to him and on his side, but alas, nothing could've been farther from the truth. Even after having healed enough to consider himself a proper human being once more, he was force into nursing his emotional wounds when Pieck had told him (with the most genuinely sympathetic face she could muster) that his lover had thrown a fit at the mention of his name, crying and clawing at the walls of her confinement as though she were trying to grasp at her sanity. Her vehement refusal to even spare a glance at his face was something he absolutely deserved, but still wasn't prepared to face.

At that, he went into hiding. Not the most discrete hiding either, since he still frequented his old man's house, even as his health deteriorated, and since he was still forced to endure hours of training that almost had him regurgitating with the sheer intensity, but for the most part, he made his presence scarce. Avoidance of his beloved girl soon turned into running away from the woman he adored, as the years slowly crept by. More than well aware of how fast his clock was ticking, he found his heart aching at the notion of trying to help her forget he'd ever existed, when all he truly wanted was to burrow into her chest and seek her endless comfort that he'd so selfishly preyed upon in his teenage years. The Bertholdt that stood now in the balcony of one of the many marble rooms of HQ, dragging a smoke out of his cigarette and absent-mindedly scratching at the stubble he hadn't cared much to maintain, was now a 20 year-old, fully-fledged honorary Marleyan that still found himself swimming in doubts and regrets whenever he let his thoughts wander to the years he spent on Paradis Island, as they often did.

He watched on as the four warriors-in-training that resembled a certain bunch of misfits in their youth did their best to outrun each other, the bickering loud enough for him to hear. What could be taken for a smile made its way onto the brunette's face, Gabi and Falco yet again quarreling for the most idiotic of reasons as they always did. With another sharp inhale of nicotine, he turned on his heel and trudged back into the room that was too quiet for him to handle when he was feeling so melancholic. His head only regained some semblance of peace when he wound up in his bedroom close to an hour later, the small house somewhat lifeless with his father being hospitalized yet again. He wasn't exactly looking forward to living with only his thoughts, but at least he wouldn't be surrounded by children that reminded him an awful lot of his younger days that had been shattered to pieces. At times like this, all he wanted was to press rewind, only to listen to saccharine words from the one girl he loved the most.

Two urgent knocks sounded on his door, interrupting his wistful sighing on the bed, and he couldn't find it in him to feel irritated. Scratching his stomach lazily, causing his shirt to rise and reveal a sliver of olive skin, his ministrations were put to an immediate halt the very moment he flung his door open. He could only gape at the silhouette fron the past that stood before him, hand dropping to rest at his side as he stiffened up considerably, muscles tensing as he struggled to figure out if this was yet another figment of his imagination or reality.

"Um, may I come in?" the polite voice was something foreign he'd never thought he'd hear again, and yet here he was.

It took him a couple of moments before he could respond, nervously nodding and audibly gulping, "Yeah, make yourself at home."

As the door shut behind her, he could swear his entire body went numb as tingles spread throughout. When had she filled out like this, body maturing into that of a woman who showed up on his doorstep in the middle of the day? When had her hair grown so luscious? When had her skin started to glow as she grew healthier than she'd ever been? All these changes were ones he wasn't prepared for, and the sudden way his world was turned upside down was something he didn't know how he felt about---all he knew was that she was now taking a seat on the edge of his bed, summer dress billowing out underneath her---yet another thing that was unlike how he remembered her. He didn't know where to look. Her eyes? But they were far too sharp and intense for him to meet. Her face? Far too distracting with the ethereal beauty she now possessed that he'd never even dreamed of seeing firsthand in his 20s. His lap? That would be cowardly of him, and his line of vision might stray to her thighs sitting too close to his---a sinful thought that had bile rising in his throat at the sheer lewdness of his racing mind. And yet, somehow, when she parted her glossy lips to speak up once again, he found it entirely natural to meet her gaze.

"It's been four years, Bertholdt," her voice was quieter than he'd expected, having awaited an angry tone to come from her, and the sound of his name falling from her lips was almost foreign.

Swallowing thickly, he fiddled with his fingers, "Since... then. Yeah."

She eyed his room, from the half-opened window and the wilting hyacinth on its sill, to the tattered books on the lopsided shelf that threatened to break off the wall bracket, "A lot has changed, I can see," her scanning stopped at the small bedside table, "I didn't know you smoked."

"Only recently," he slumped over, "Bad habit, I know, but Zeke---" pausing, he realized that she probably had no idea who the other Yeager was. He was about to launch into a lengthy explanation, when she finished his sentence.

"Your war chief. Eren's half-brother. Go on."

Without so much as batting an eye they spoke, and Bertholdt grew stunned. Just how much had they learned over the past few years? Never mind that, who taught them?

His shock must've been easy to read, because she arched an eyebrow, leaning back a little, "You don't think I've been kept in the dark this entire time, do you?"

"Who's been letting you in on things?" He frowned, the hidden question in his words being picked up on by the woman he held so dear to his heart.

Her eyes softened, after having understood the real intent behind his question, "No one. I had to teach myself, and when things got too confusing, I familiarized myself with Porco and Pieck, so I could seek them out for help whenever," it was her turn to look away, biting her lip, "I couldn't stand to see your face or Reiner's, so meeting these two was a stroke of luck, I suppose. Zeke caused too much damage for me to feel comfortable with meeting him, as grateful as I am for him having brought me to Marley."

He looked away, mumbling, "You didn't seem happy at all when you first came here."

A look of shock crossed her face, "You came to me? I don't recall anything like that."

Shaking his head, Bertholdt awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, "Didn't have the guts to see you when I knew how you probably felt around me. I just wanted to check up on you, so I'd talk to Pieck in front of your hospital room. She'd fill me in on your condition," his eyes were glossy when he finally met hers, "Hearing your screams hurt like hell."

The saddened woman touched her armband absent-mindedly, and Bertholdt was reminded with the fact that while he was slightly privileged, she must've been treated like the rest of the 'scum' of the internment zone. His fingers reached out for a second, before the look in his eyes asked for permission. She nodded silently, and he touched the tattered material, thumbing it as bitterness rose in his throat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his vision blurry as tears threatened to escape, "It's all my fault, y-you were thrown into this, and you have to-to stay with us even after we tore down your home. I don't---I wish---I'd never," he gasped, fingers trembling as he clutched the armband, almost tearing it as he began to cry freely, regretting the very day he'd been born.

His grip on the wretched material grew impossibly tight, the tears falling and dripping down onto her lap, splashing as his head bowed down, unable to stop them from coming. Once the floodgates were opened, he couldn't stop them, body shaking as he sobbed pitifully. Arms encircled him all of a sudden, tugging him closer by the nape of the neck. A small sound of surprise made its way out of his throat, and---too stunned to react much---his body complied to the pull, falling into a warm embrace he could swear he'd completely forgotten how it felt. Head tentatively resting in the crook of her neck, he breathed heavily, inhaling the calming scent of chamomile and her perfume in his home. His skin crawled with the familiarity, and Bertholdt found himself speechless in her hold. She only hugged him closer to her, the height difference between them a little bit of a hindrance, but endearing nonetheless. Small hands rubbed the expanse of his back, gently drawing circles onto the broad muscle, tensing up even under the fabric of his t-shirt, before he slowly began to relax. Even after all this time, her touch still somehow felt achingly familiar.

"When did you grow even taller," she sounded muffled and choked up against his mussed up hair, and yet he could detect undeniable fondness in her voice; he wondered what he did to deserve that.

Bertholdt didn't know what to say, trying to even out his shaky breathing so he could stop crying. All he wanted was to relish in the feeling of intimacy that she granted him; a feeling he'd missed dearly but never dared to speak of. He sniffled, hands clenching into fists, "I want to look at you. To get closure."

With a small nod, she pulled back, her dainty hands resting on his bicep and causing his stomach to flutter at the direct contact with his warm skin. She looked so beautiful he could hardly stare at her without wondering if she still tasted the same, and he internally chastised himself for thinking that when it really wasn't the time.

"I've had time to think since that day," she said, a kind half-smile on her face, "I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't at all heartbroken over the prospect of you being the traitor," she gave a bitter laugh, and shame crept up Bertholdt's spine at the hurt that resounded, "Especially when you seemed to change 180 degrees during our return to Shiganshina."

"I know you didn't want to see me," he gulped, looking off to the side, "I didn't offer to even look you in the eye."

Shaking her head, she clasped his hands in hers, urgency in her eyes, "I didn't care about that. What hurt more was that you acted like we'd all sinned by being born."

He remained quiet, the memory of him shunning Armin and the others still fresh in his mind. The argument they'd had over the battered rooftops was one that played on loop every night before he went to bed, serving as a reminder as to why he really was the lowest of the low. Sighing, she squeezed his huge palms in a manner that was almost comforting, "Then I soon grew to realize that that really was what you were taught to believe. That we were hellspawn, born into a world where we could only serve as antagonists," her kind smile returned, and Bertholdt could swear his breath hitched in his throat, "You never held anything against us personally. You were just kids on a mission that was just larger than life, sent by superiors that asked for too much of you, weren't you?"

"We were told we'd bring glory to our families," he spoke in a small voice, "I wanted to help treat my father. He never deserved to be treated like the scum of the earth."

"Neither did you."

His head shot up from staring at their conjoined hands, opting to stare at her incredulously, "I murdered hundreds of thousands of people, trampled over cities, hell, I'm the reason your parents died---"

"You weren't given a choice," she spoke firmly, annoyance seeping into her words, "The world in Marley was harsh and unforgiving, and you happened to grow up there. You didn't know any better. For God's sake, Bertholdt, you were only 12. You definitely weren't prepared to defy orders or even be free-thinking at that point."

"That doesn't erase any of my sins!" he cried out, agitation apparent as he slammed his fist into his thigh, "Just because I didn't know the truth doesn't mean that I can just erase the past 8 years of my life. This doesn't wash my hands clean of blood."

"And you expect it to?" she calmly asked, waiting for an answer she knew would never come, before bravely reaching up to rest her palm against his blushing cheek, the scruff rubbing against her skin and earning a gentle quirk of her lips as she caressed him, "What's done is done, Bertl. I don't know a lot, but at least I've come to terms with what's happened. Even if I can't speak for others, I've forgiven you for the crimes you did against my own family and the people I love. I've forgiven the child that was never given a chance to live out his years. That much I know for sure."

The man could swear his heart clenched in his chest. She'd uttered the words he'd never thought he'd hear from her---words of forgiveness; implications of granting yet another chance for him to feel human once again, even if he wasn't strictly so. Even if he knew he was the monster he saw every time he glanced in the direction of the mirror, at least he could unload the burden of knowing he'd shattered his lover's heart. He'd at least believe that one woman saw him as a helpless man who'd shouldered responsibilities greater than he could handle, offering bloodshed in return for a chance at living---a pathetic person, yes, but still flesh and blood; still weak. As he struggled to formulate words, the intensity of her gaze on him pinned him in place. Growing more and more self-aware as the seconds passed, he found himself subconsciously scanning every inch of her face, inspecting every new birthmark that reminded him of just how much time had passed, every minute scar on her skin that he must've failed to notice in his teenage years. The urge to fall into her grew too strong and too distracting for him to even remember what he'd wanted to say. He could only blurt out a single question in the yearning haze of his head.

"May I kiss you? Please?"

His almost-beg didn't catch her off-guard, because all she did was slowly lean in and nod in tandem. Unable to hold back, Bertholdt found himself throwing his arms around her, and planting his lips on hers, one hand gently squeezing the nape of her neck while the other secured her back. She tasted even sweeter than he remembered. More alluring; more addictive.

The groan that escaped his lips was one he couldn't help, the plumpness of her damp ones numbing his entire body, thoughts of her and her only invading his mind. Like he'd been starved of his favorite meal, his tongue was desperately licking at every crevice of her mouth, tasting and entwining with hers. Breathing heavily as she clouded his senses, his entire body jerked when she daringly nipped at his bottom lip while pulling away, a string of saliva connecting their panting mouths.

"Shit," he hissed, swallowing her chuckles with a kiss as his hands began to daringly wander, one ghosting against her throat, teasing yet loving in the absent-minded manner he did it, his other palm digging into the soft flesh of her hips, knee knocking her legs open without a single thought as their mouths slotted against each other over and over again, falling into a cycle of endless biting and licking and gentle sucking, his mind to fuzzy to fully process the fact that he was making out with the woman he'd dreamt of every night of the last 5 years or so. Only when the need to breath overpowered the desire to kiss her swollen lips did he dare to pull away, grip on her waist tightening as though afraid she'd disappear.

"I'm here to stay, if you'll let me," she mumbled against his lips, as though having read his mind, and Bertholdt could only moan at the possibilities that raced through his mind when she spoke again, "I want you, if you'll have me."

"You have no idea," he breathed, before tugging her down with a strength he didn't know he even possessed.

She gave a startled hum, before allowing herself to fall ontop of him, her lips finding his in no time, their chest brushing against each other, her body writhing as he palmed her ass, in a way he never imagined he'd see. Positively sinful she was, and yet he couldn't see her as anything less than an angel sent from heaven to save his wretched soul.

The thought made him push her off of him for a moment despite her confusion and lidded eyes, only to whisper those three words.

"I love you."

And with every press of her lips against his, she spelled them back.

"I," Kiss, "Love," Kiss, "You," Kiss, "Still."

Clutching at the lace front of her dress, Bertholdt let a sound that sounded embarrassingly like a whimper, hooked nose pressing into her neck, inhaling her sweetness as he tried to ground himself, so overwhelmed with affection and unbridled want.

"Could you?" Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, he gave a gentle tug at the fabric, in a silent plea.

Kissing the corner of his lips, she gave him a captivating smile, "Only if you will."

With an eagerness he didn't know he possessed, he sat upright for a few moments, hurriedly stripping down to just his underwear and flushing as she eyed him from head to toe.

"Still as handsome as ever," she dreamily said, leaning into pepper kisses to his jaw, seemingly enjoying how hard he was blushing, before pulling away to slowly undress herself.

With every inch of plush skin she exposed to him, Bertholdt could feel his boxers grow tighter. It was almost embarrassing; just how turned on he was by the mere idea of her standing in front of him, breathtaking body all for his viewing only. All curves and indentations, edges and lines that only he could trace with his trembling fingers, the fabric of her panties and bra almost taunting him.

He swore under his breath, "I can't take my eyes off you," he gently pulled her by the wrist, "Please, I want to make up for wasted time."

There wasn't a need to say more; she found herself plopped onto his lap seconds later, grinding into his erection as she slowly kissed down his long neck, suckling at the warm skin and leaving hickeys in her wake, even the column of his throat littered with the blooming purple marks, "You look so different now. I can't believe it's your body I'm kissing now."

Head thrown back in pleasure, he bucked his hips as her clothed pussy dragged against his boner, "Yeah?" he breathed, "Good different?"

She shook her head as she pulled away to unhook her bra, and before he could momentarily panic, she spoke again, "Perfect different. Like you were made for my eyes only."

Stealing the words from his mouth was a skill she was expert at, it seemed---but all he could do was enjoy the wanton moan that escaped her lips as he cupped her breasts gently, pinching her nipples experimentally and falling in love with the way she whined, warmth pooling in his stomach as she wriggled out of her underwear eagerly.

"That feels nice?" he gently asked, watching carefully as her eyes screwed in pleasure, nodding quickly, "Good, I want you to feel good with me."

"I'm just happy, hah," she breathed in sharply at a particular twist of her sensitive nipple, "That I'm doing this with you."

"You thought about us?" he kissed her temple deftly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, before carefully repositioning their bodies so she could fall onto the bed on her back, hair splayed out beneath her in a way that couldn't be described as anything less than angelic.

"Yeah," she shyly grinned, a light blush dusting her cheeks, "I missed you. Every day, actually. Even when I was livid, I didn't miss you any less."

The tug at his heart demanded him to get closer, to drink her in until he's drunk on her very essence. He couldn't wait any longer, and---with a hint of impatience---he hurried to undress and toss his briefs off the bed.

Cautiously lowering himself ontop of her, he nuzzled her neck, before gently digging his teeth into the inviting skin, "I never stopped thinking about you," one hand caught her wrist tightly, the other danced around her free palm, fingers tracing the lines, "Dreams, nightmares... you were always on my mind."

"Did you ever find someone else?" came her tentative question, to which Bertholdt replied by giving her a mind-blowing hungry kiss, tongue pressing against her teeth.

"Never."

His cock rested against her hipbone, and he didn't dare to make any move, as though fearing he'd break her if he did.

"You're not heavy," she reassured him, hand reaching up to cup his handsome face, "You can rest your weight on me."

With an insistent shake of his head, he chose to entwine his hands with both of hers, pinning her successfully underneath him and resting his weight on his arms, stilling for a second to engrave the picture of her beautiful naked body in his bed in his memory. He was, at the end of the day, living on borrowed time.

"If my intentions haven't been made clear, I want to make love to you," his voice was as soothing as he could muster in an attempt to hide the nerves that were creeping up on him, "So please, let me cater to your needs."

With an exasperated sigh, she smiled up at him and pulled him by the neck for another open-mouthed kiss, "This isn't about what I need," she muttered against his bitten lips, "I want to do this, because I've been yearning for you for so long. I want to be this intimate with you."

Once again rendered speechless by her, she giggled sweetly at him, reaching up and nipping at his earlobe, as she whispered "I don't need any prep, believe me, you've turned me on enough."

Almost stunned by her words and the lewd implications behind them, he groaned, unable to take it anymore, fingers digging into her wrist as his other hand coaxed his cock near her entrance. The head weeping with precum, he wondered how he'd managed to have that much self-control to take things slow so far---but then again, maybe it was because he was so enamored by every inch of her that he hadn't paid much mind to the desire brewing in the pit of his stomach, something far stronger than the butterflies he'd felt for her during his teenage years. Giving himself two strokes, her free hand impatiently tugged him closer by the back.

"Please, let me show you just how much I care for you," she whispered, stroking the soft hairs on his chin as her hand traced his jawline.

That was all the reassurance Bertholdt needed to dispel any worries that had been buried deep inside him. With a small hiss, he guided his cock inside her glistening folds, his tip collecting her essence and knocking into the underside of her clit, earning a jolt from her pliant body.

"I just want to make sure you'll be fine," he hushed her protests gently, before lining himself up against her pulsating hole, the head pushing inside her with a pop.

They both seemed to be sweating profusely in the spring afternoon, and they'd barely even done anything of any significance. But perhaps their restraint and the dormant feelings they'd harbored all these years only served as a trigger, and with a wanton moan, Bertholdt couldn't stop himself from burying himself inside her to the hilt in one careful but impatient stroke into her tightness. She visibly winced, and it took every ounce of self-restraint in him to stop and check up on her, a worried, 'You alright, love?' escaping his lips before he could worry about the pet name that had come out.

Too preoccupied with checking for other signs of discomfort, he waited until she gave him a nod of her head, sharply inhaling as he began to pull out. She seemed to engulf him, her insides almost sucking him in, his girth stretching her out enough for there to be slight pain mingled with pleasure. Snapping his hips once more, he pushed inside her throbbing heat, a moan tumbling from her lips as the veins of his cock dragged along her sensitive walls.

"Feels so good, can't," she panted, words failing her as her grip tightened on the hands that pinned her down, "You feel so good."

Bertholdt shuddered, muscles tensing as he began to find the rhythm fitting their joint pleasure, the sound of damp skin slapping with every thrust so erotic it pulled an embarrassingly loud moan from him, "You were made for me, fuck. I don't know how I stayed away this long."

Whimpering as his pounding grew more intense and pressing her body against the mattress, her pussy fluttered around him. Feeling her squeeze his cock like that, he swore he lost his mind.

"Bertl, shit, I'm not gonna last," she moaned, squeezing her eyes shut, tears collecting on her lashes, "Feels too good---fuck, 'm love you," her voice was garbled as she tried to take a shuddering breath, only for a particularly deep thrust of his cock to send her head lolling to the side, "Wanna cum with you, please, shit," dragging out the curse, she dug her nails into the back of his hand.

Stilling for a half-second as he processed the words she just spoke, he could almost feel himself growing impossibly harder at the very thought of cumming inside her at the same moment she'd clamp around him.

He didn't have much time in his term left, maybe a year or so, and he desperately wanted to leave her with a memory she'd never forget of him. If he had it his way, she'd have a piece of him on her always, and the fleeting thought of fucking a child into her drove him wild; for the few split-seconds he pictured her swollen with the baby they created had his mind reeling and his cock throbbing inside her.

On a whim, he loosened his hold on her hands, strong arms carefully pushing her legs by the knees, "This uncomfortable for you?" he grunted, vision hazy with lust as his blood pulsed

"No, this is just fine, but c'mon, please, I was so close---mph!"

Capturing her lips in a numbing kiss was a good idea, as he began drilling into her much deeper than he had before. He could even see her tummy bulging as she struggled her best to take his cock at that angle, whining when he pulled away and swiped at her glossy bottom lip.

"Fuck, I can feel you all the way over here," she babbled, too far gone as she pressed down on her protruding stomach, "You're amazing, shit."

As he picked up the pace and drove his cock inside her so deep her pussy clenched around him multiple times, he could barely articulate the words, "Wanna cum inside, that ok with you?"

She could only nod frantically, her hands desperately clutching at the bedsheets, almost enough to tear them, "Yes! Please, please wanna feel your warmth, please, I'm so in love with you."

His hands firmly gripping the backs of her thighs with every time they shook with his thrusts, he could feel her pulsating around him, enough to know that she was getting close.

"Want you to carry my kids," he groaned, dipping his head down to bite down on her glistening shoulder, "You'll be a perfect mother, know you will," his words began to lose coherence, "Shit!"

"Love this," she cried, pulling him by the nape so he could collapse ontop of her, his thrusts growing erratic at the same time her legs began quivering, "Love you."

"God fucking damn it, I love you like hell, more than any fucking thing," he moaned her name out like a mantra or a prayer to the gods, squeezing his eyes shut as he couldn't stop thinking of how beautiful she was when she was cumming around him and professing her love to him.

Right after her body had shook in his arms as she reached her climax, back almost arching off the bed, he reached his own high, a loud groan leaving his lips as he spilled his seed inside her, giving a few slow strokes that had her whimpering from the overstimulation, before he finally came to a stop. Very carefully, as though handling a precious artifact that could break any second, he eased her legs back to their normal position around his hips. Slowly, he pulled out of her, watching as his cum seeped out of her gaping hole, the sight enough to have him stirring again, but he breathed out heavily to still the racing lewd thoughts in his brain.

"Are your legs cramping?" he gently asked, kneading her calf cautiously, only to have her shake her head.

"Just a little spent and sore," she admitted in a croaky voice, and he immediately reached over to his nightstand to give her his water bottle.

With a small 'thank you', she took a few sips, before settling down.

"I should get myself cleaned up," heaving, she began to push herself up, only to have the brunette ease her back into lying down.

"Shush, you're tired," he softly brushed her hair back from her sweaty forehead, the kiss he left on her warm skin completely contradicting the way his long fingers pressed inside her sopping pussy to make sure that not a drop of his cum would be wasted, unable to take the image of her pregnancy out of his head, "Let's stay like this for a bit, ok?".

He didn't have to say it, but she knew what was on his mind, and when he lied down to hold her back against his broad chest, she could detect the reason behind his desperation.

Twisting her head around, she pecked his soft lips, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here after we take a nap."

His grip tightened around her, "I just... I don't want you to regret this."

In vehement refutal of his words, she sweetly kissed him thrice in a row, "I'll never. I meant it when I said that I still love you."

"I'm not a good man."

"I don't care about that anymore."

"We separated years ago."

"And yet you could never tell that."

"I'm not staying for long."

"We'll figure it out."

"I don't have---"

Interrupting yet another one of his anxiety-ridden observations, she shifted to face him, pulling him in her arms so she could snuggle into his chest, allowing herself to be completely enveloped by his presence.

"You've always been such a worrywart," she sighed, "I promise you, now's not the time to be thinking about what might pull us apart. We just made love to one another, and you deserve to enjoy that much at least. Please?"

With a small (though not entirely convinced) nod of his head, Bertholdt settled into his pillow, one hand settling under his beloved's head to help her rest, the other sitting at the small of her back, tracing words of love in hopes that it would ground him, reminding him of the now that he wished he could cherish in his heart forever; the now that was every bit as unexpected and erotic as it was beautiful and heartwarming; the now he had with his exhausted but utterly devoted lover in his arms---and he could do nothing but whisper into the still air of the room.

"I love you, please stay."

Taglist: @blondeboyfriend

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter five

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3436

I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, mention of blood

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Masterlist

I hadn't seen Steve since the talk with Dr. Erskine yesterday afternoon. I knew that after the conversation we all had, he would know what he was meant to do. He would go into this with no questions whatsoever, just the knowledge that he would be able to help out with the war. I on the other hand was worried to death. That night I got less sleep than I ever had. I tossed and turned, but could never get comfortable. There's just something about knowing you and your brother are going to be test subjects for an experiment that hasn't had the best track record, that puts you on edge.

I did everything to try and go to sleep, but none of it helped in the slightest. When I laid there, in the dark, facing the ceiling, I thought of what life would have been like if this God-forsaken war hadn't started. Thoughts of a wedding crossed my mind. Steve walked me down the aisle towards the love of my life. If we hadn't been drugged into this war I could have been married by now, I could have started a family, I could be enjoying the rest of my life with Bucky by my side. But life never goes as planned and now Buck is thousands of miles away and I’m being experimented on.

Not just thoughts of a domestic life flew around in my head, I also thought of how this serum would affect Steve and me I. Helping to work on this experiment was one thing, being a part of it was another. All I had done for the last few years was help gather information for the doctors and scientists. I scouted recruits, I spied on copious amounts of HYDRA workers, I was a behind the scene worker, never in the spotlight of the actual experimental side. Now all that had changed and I would be participating in something I wasn’t really sure I wanted. There was no knowing what this would do to me, what the long-term and short-term effects might be, but I was willing to go through this as long as my brother was beside me. I couldn't just let him do it alone, even if this probably wasn't what I wanted for myself. From before I could remember Steve was always there with me, walking right alongside me through my battles, and I’d be damned if I didn't walk into this battle with him.

In the early morning hours, when the first birds started to chirp and the sun had barely shown itself to the world, I fell asleep, only to be awakened two hours later. The day had just begun and I already wanted to go back to sleep, I could feel the anxiety creeping back in. Without a good night's rest, I was useless. The procedure was scheduled for nine this morning and I had to be at the lab in an hour. I quickly got ready and headed out the door. When I walked down onto the street I noticed a car a few yards away from me. Peggy stepped out of the back and waved me over.

“Good morning, Agent Carter,” I called as I walked over to where she stood. I looked into the back seat and noticed Steve was sitting on the other side of the car. He looked at me and gave me a small wave. “You didn’t have to come pick me up, the lab is only two blocks away, I could have walked there.”

“Don't worry about it Rogers, It was your brother's idea to come get you. He said something about anxiety and operations. Said it would be best to come get you so he could help ease the nerves.” She said before she ushered me into the back seat and closed the door. She then walked around the car and got into the passenger seat.

“Morning shortly, don’t you look chipper this morning,” Steve stated as I slumped in the seat.

I slowly looked over at him and groaned out “I can’t believe you told her I get anxious about operations and needed your help to calm down.”

“Oh you know you need me, I can tell you only got a few hours of sleep. I bet you were up all night tossing and turning,” he stated matter of factly. He grabbed my right arm and pulled me over to him so he could give me a hug. I laid my head on his shoulder and watched as the car made its way down the block. “You’ve always needed someone to help you get over the anxiousness before any type of medical type thing. Now just sit here and calm down, I can hear how fast your heart is going.”

He wasn’t lying, any medical thing I have ever gone to has made me stressed out. Even just going into the doctor's office to get a prescription filled me with enough anxiety to explode. I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute the closer we got to the building the lab was in. Having Steve with me was easing it to a bearable amount but I still felt nauseous. When the car stopped outside of an old antique store we all got out and walked into the shop. I barely noticed Peggy reciting the code phrase to the woman at the front, then we were on our way to the back and going through a set of hidden doors. I grabbed Steve's hand and held onto it so tightly that I’m sure he could feel my pulse throbbing in my fingers. We made our way past several MPs to the observing deck of the lab and looked down at the several scientists in the room. They all spotted us quickly and came to a stop. I looked over at Steve and he looked at me, a quick glint of concern flashed over his face. I then looked to Peggy and she gave a stiff nod and started to descend the set of stairs to her right and Steve and I followed.

We three made our way to the platform in the middle of the room where Dr. Erskine met us. “Good morning,” he said cheerfully while he shook Steve’s hand and then mine. “Are you both ready?” I nodded my head nervously while eyeing the two large equipment pieces that were side by side. I winced as a sudden flash went off. A man, standing off to the side, had taken a picture of the encounter. Dr. Ersikne has shooed him off as soon as he had, telling him not to do that now. “Well, if you are both ready I will need you two to take your shoes, tie, and shirts off. Mr. Rogers, please take your cap off as well. Agent Rogers, I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable, we need to be able to access your biceps and the top of your chest.”

I slowly started to take my shoes off, then moved onto my tie and then my blazer and blouse. All I could think of at the moment was that this was all happening way too fast. The nervousness and anxiety I felt heavily outweigh the embarrassment I should have felt, being in a large room surrounded by men in only my bra and a pair of trousers. I was then told to then lay down on one of the machines in the center of the room.

“Agent Rogers, These are just some questions I have to ask before we get started,” said a nurse who had appeared next to me with a clipboard. “Is your date of birth August 3, 1921?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Have you had anything to eat or drink in the last 12 hours?”

“No, I have not”

“Okay then, we're good to go. I’ll just give you a shot of penicillin and then Dr. Erskine will come and start the procedure. As I laid there all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. I watched as another nurse came to me and brought down two metal arms with rectangular pads attached to the end. They went right to the top of my chest and felt cold against my exposed skin. More nurses walked around me and starters putting vials of blue liquid into slots in the machine.

Dr. Erskine then appeared between Steve and me. Nodding at both of us he started the count down to the serum infusion. I saw another two rectangular pads come down towards my upper arms. I winced as I felt the needles on the pads insert into my arm. When the count down reached one I felt the serum being pushed into me through the rectangular pads. I gasped loudly, it was an unexplainable pain, Ilke fire was surging throughout my entire body. Then the machine started to rise and three panels with lots of lights came up and closed around me. I was taking deep breaths in order to not hyperventilate. Then came a tap on the glass that was right in front of my head. “Agent Rogers, are you ready?” Dr. Erskine called.

“As ready as I can be” I called back. He walked away from the glass and then the machine started to make a low rumbling sound. I closed my eyes and balled my hands uptight. The lights on the panels started to glow brighter and brighter through my eyelids. Soon the lights began to emit heat. I could feel it growing hotter and hotter until finally, I couldn't keep the feeling of the pain inside anymore. I felt my throat scratch as I let out a scream. The heat kept intensifying but I held on.

I could hear yelling from outside the machine. “Turn it off! Turn it off! Shut it down now!” someone was yelling.

I had come so far I couldn’t stop now. “No,” I yelled, “I can do it. Keep it on!” The light then became so bright it was like my eyes weren't even close like I was staring at the sun. The rumbling in my ears became overwhelming and I let out another scream. Suddenly everything went dark and the heat was gone. My breathing became labored and I let my body relax back onto the cushion behind me. The panels retracted and a gust of cold air surrounded me.

I could hear a ringing in my ears as I weakly stepped out of the machine. A few nurses and scientists caught me before my legs gave out. “Did we do it?” I stuttered out.

“I think we did. How are you feeling?” asked Dr. Erskine while handing me a shirt.

“Sweaty. Where’s Steve?” I looked around for him but the room started to fill with more people. Out of nowhere a loud bang when off and glass shot everywhere. I fell to the ground and heard gunshots ring out. Looking up I saw Dr. Erskine fall to the ground. I scrambled over to him and noticed another person bend down across from me on his opposite side. It was Steve, albeit he was a taller and more muscular Steve. I quickly refocused on the Doctor in my arms. He was struggling to breathe and as he took his last breath he pointed to Steve's heart and then went limp. I looked back up to Steve and watched as his face contorted in anger. He shot up from his squatted-down position and took off up the stairs and into the hallway. I followed suit yelling his name.

I reached the front door to the antique shop right as Steve tackled Peggy to the ground to save her from a cab almost running over her. “I had him,” she yelled at him.

“Sorry,” He called back. He started to run in the direction the cab had gone and I took off right behind him. Running down the street, I had noticed that I was running faster than I could before, I was catching up to Steve and the cab.

I saw the cab start to turn and I yelled out to Steve. “Steve, he's headed for the docks!” I kept running and took a sharp turn down the next alleyway. I hoped I would catch them before they go too far. After running straight to the docks I spotted the cab, with Steve hanging off the side of the door, hit a truck, and started rolling down the street sideways. I ran to where Steve had fallen when he let go of the door. I helped him to his feet while eyeing the man who emerged from the wrecked cab. He pulled a gun and shot at both of us before running onto pier 13. Steve grabbed the broken off door from the cab and averted to follow the gunman when he shot at us again. The man grabbed a nearby child and put the gun to his head.

“Get back” he yelled, “get back or I’ll shoot him.” He dragged the kid over to a small ally. I could hear the kid yelling to the man to let him go. Steve started to go after him, but before he could, I stopped him.

“Steve we have to think carefully about this. We can't go in blind, he might hurt the boy.”

“You're right. You go around the back and I’ll take him from the front. I’ll draw the fire and you get the kid.” I gave a quick nod and scurried off to the back entrance of the building. I snuck around the corners to keep from being seen and soon found myself behind the man and child. Steve rounded the corner and the man put the gun back to the boy's head. “Stop, don’t do it,” Steve called. The man then pointed the gun at Steve and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened, He was all out of bullets. In what was a last-ditch effort he tossed the boy over the side of the dock and into the water. I quickly dove in after him.

Coming up out of the water I spotted the boy treading water close to the wall. “Are you okay?” I asked him.

“Yes ma’am,” he said, spitting out water. Steve then ran over to look over into the water at us, the boy waved him on. “Go get him, I can swim,” he called up at him. I gave Steve a look and he sprinted off after the gunman.

“Come on kid, let's get you out of here.” I swam over towards him and led us to one of the recessed wall ladders. I helped him climb up the steep wall and when we both made it onto the solid ground I helped him ring out his clothes. “Go on and find your mother, I have to go help stop that man.” He quickly ran off and I turned to sprint down the pier to find Steve.

I couldn’t find either Steve or the gunman when I made it to the end of the dock. I knew they had gone into the water, there was no other way off. I watched the water waiting to see signs of either of them. Then unexpectedly the gunman was thrown out of the water and at my feet. I bent down quickly and grand at the lapels of his jacket, knocking the vile of serum from his pocket. Steve climbed out of the water and came to my side. “Who the hell are you?” he yelled at the man.

The gunman responded with “The first of many. Cut off one head and two more will take its place. Hail Hydra.” After he promptly bit down on a cyanide pill and died. I looked to Steve with a shocked expression.

“Shit. This isn’t good,” I mumbled.

After the whole chase, Steve and I were brought back to the lab. Blood work had to be done. Since all the serum, with the exception of the vile the gunman had stolen, had been used on the two of us, the only way to recreate the serum and possibly keep project rebirth going was in our blood. Peggy explained all of this to Steve as they finished drawing several vile of his blood.

“He deserved more than this,” commented Steve. Peggy looked to him with soft eyes.

“He’d be proud that you're the one it worked on, he’d be proud of both of you,” She affirmed.

“Thanks, Peg,” I said as I lifted myself up off the cot and headed to the door. She and Steve followed. We made our way to the bottom floor where Howard Stark was working on the small submarine the gunman used to try and escape. Colonel Phillips stood a few feet away from him with Senator Brandt. I overheard them talking of Hydra, but before I could explain to the senator who they were, Peggy beat me to it.

Colonel Phillips turned to us, “I have word that the SSR is being retasked. Pack your bags Agent Carter, Agent Rogers, You too Stark. We will be flying out to London tonight.”

“Sir?” Steve called out. “If you’re going after hydra, I want in.”

“You’re an experiment Rogers, you’re being sent to Alamogordo.” The Coronel asserted.

“But Coronel the serum worked, I can help.”

“Son, I asked for an army and all I got was you and your sister. You both aren't enough, at least Agent Rogers was on this team before the experiment happened.” the Colonel started to walk away again, but stopped when I called out to him.

“With all due respect Sir. I refuse to go anywhere without Steve. Either I go with him or he comes with me. I won't take no for an answer Sir.” The look he gave me could have killed but I couldn't care less.

“Agent Rogers, You better be on that plane by the time it takes off or you can kiss this job goodbye. Rogers can’t come with you either, I won't allow it.” He commanded and stormed out of the room.

The Senator spoke up then. “I think the Coronel here is missing the point. I've seen you in action, Steve. The country has seen it too. See here,” He hands Steve a newspaper, “The enlistment lines have been around the block since you came out in the paper. The people need a symbol, and you don't put a symbol in a lab.” He took Steve by the arm and led him off a few feet, but I could still hear him. “Would you like to serve your country on the most important battlefield of all?”

“Sir, that's all I have ever wanted to do,” Steve says.

“Well then son, you’ve just been promoted.” Said the Senator as he shook Steve's hand. I could already tell this wasn’t going to go the way Steve thought it would.

“Steve, Come here a second,” I called and walked over to a secluded corner of the room. I waited for him to come to me. “Steve, he's not going to give you the fight you want to be a part of. I wouldn’t take his offer,” I warned.

“It’s okay, I want to be a part of this fight in any way I can. You shouldn’t stay behind because of me. You have important work you need to do, go with the Coronel and Agent Carter.” Steve said, almost sounding like he was begging me to go with them.

“I said I wasn’t going without you. I don’t want you to do this alone, we’ve always had each other, why stop now?”

“Kid, I know you want to be here with me, to give me your support, but you have an important job. People are relying on you, you can't just do that job because of me. I’ll be fine, look at me, I’m not some sickly kid from Brooklyn anymore.”

“You know, I hate when you’re right.” I crossed my arms and huffed. “Fine, I’ll go with them, just know I will not enjoy a moment of this.”

“Thank you.” he pulled me into a strong hug.

“One more thing. How come you got taller and really buff? I just got more defined muscles, that's not fair.” I complained and he just laughed and shook his head.

“Go pack your bags kid, I'll see you soon.” He gave me a small push towards the door and just like that I was off to the war front.

Taglist: @underc0vercryptid-reads

[ray-ray-writings]

I have a non x reader story for you and I hope you enjoy! There’s two parts so I’ll send the second part in after but I would like to let you know I spilt them up for suspense lol ~Punzo👻

Context: Somewhere in this story soul orbs are mentioned, these are orbs that appear when someone loses their last canon life. They embody the strongest and usually the best parts of the person who has died, other than Schlatt and Wilburs' cases, where the orbs held malovolent energy. In battle they are consumed to make a warrior stronger, when a loved one dies it is a way to cope with grief, and is often taken in by seromony. 

"Hello, Phil." I gave him a short reflexive smile and he nodded at me as he let me in. I walked inside and looked around for a moment before I turned to him. "I'm assuming you know what Techno's done."

"I am. I'm sorry, Y/n. He's gone too far." I let out a slight scoff, too far indeed. I adjusted my stance and looked back to Phil with a raised eyebrow. 

"So, will you help me then?" He nodded his head solemnly and I returned the gesture as thanks. I started walking towards the door and Phil spun around and started heading towards it as well. For a second I dragged my hand along the wood walls, ironic being inside Technoblade's house while I teamed up with his ally to stop him. Before this I had loved Techno like a brother, now I wanted to make sure he burnt by my hands. I stepped out, the cold wind blowing harshly against me but I didn't care, I knew I had to get my vengeance on Technoblade. "Phil, I hope you know he's not getting off scot-free. I will kill him for this."

"I know, I just hope after the first life lost he realizes he shouldn't fuck with you again." I slightly smirked at my old friend's confidence in me, before turning right into the nether. I huffed as soon as the scorching air hit my face but kept walking. So many years alive and I still wasn't used to the change of biomes, at least not enough to not have a sound. Going through was easy, only one thing was on our path and it rushed to get off it when it saw us. A formidable force, Phil and I, and every mob knew that. In general, though, you really shouldn't mess with two angry people in battle armor, it won't end well for you. Just as we reached the building with the other portal Ranboo came through on the other side.

"Phil! I'm so glad to see you, I really need your help." I wanted to glare at him for his carefree attitude while my world was crumbling, but I fought back the urge and gave him a smile when he turned to look at me. "Hey, Y/n! Do you want to help too?"

"Heh no, sorry. I'm afraid you'll have to do with Phil." I rose my hand to pat Phil on the back and he immediately looked over at me incredulously. I gave a little twitch of my head before I nodded. He put his hand on my back and I knew he was trying to comfort and support me. I smiled at him before turning to see a confused Ranboo. He looked up into my eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What's wrong, Y/n?" I smiled at him and stepped forward, grabbing his hand and squeezing it."It's nothing you have to worry about, dear." Ranboo frowned but nodded his head and I let go of his hand, pushing past him and into the portal. I took a breath in and exhaled through my nose as soon as I was in the overworld, readying myself. I let my eyes scan over the landscape, I was coming back to this, and so was he. I turned to my left and started my trek. While I walked I thought of the place I was going to. I had learned about it through my friendship with Techno, and he had brought me to it with his mistake. Phil, Ghostbur, and I were the only ones who knew about it, so I knew this is where I would find him. The thought of him down there made my blood boil. I would tear Techno limb from limb for this.

I rose my head when I finally found the inconspicuous hole, the one thing keeping me from him. I took a breath in and jumped, plunging into cold water a moment later. The grass that had been moved because of the pressure plate was replaced above me, and I dove down. I swam through the water maze, grimacing when I was only halfway down and started taking damage. I pulled my totem out and continued swimming until I lost all my hearts. I burst, my body feeling like it was burning and then my skin pulled itself back together and I groaned. I finally spotted the door and swam for it quickly, reaching it before I could take another hit of damage. When I arrived in the room I almost groaned at the basic shape, with doors on each side. I looked around for a moment relieved to not find Techno and quickly ate steak to make sure I was on full saturation and drank some potions. I had no idea if Techoblade had potions, it was better safe than sorry.

I flicked my eyes to the left door, before deciding to go straight. I briefly looked around the room, this time only with two other doors, and walked to the left one. When I opened it I found Ghostbur. I stared at his hollow eyes for a moment, watching as they slowly flooded with clarity. He smiled wide at me and I gave him a tense one back. "Hello, love. How are you?"

"I'm okay, mum." I held back a frown at the title. Wilbur had called me that since he was little, I had a hefty hand in raising him. To Wil, I was his mother but the term hurt my heart heavily. "How are you?"

"I'll be better soon, honey. Do you know where Techno is?" He shook his head no and I nodded back at him. I figured he hadn't but it was worth a shot. He was sitting on the ground next to a sheep so when I walked passed I combed my fingers through his hair like I had always done to the boys before they were taller than me and he giggled. I opened the next door and found another empty room and wanted to roll my eyes. I was getting close to the exits, I knew, but I wasn't sure if he would be anywhere near them. I closed the door to give Ghostbur privacy and walked up to the door directly in front of me. I grabbed the cold handle and let out a breath before pulling it towards me. I let out a breath of relief at who I found.

"Mum!"

Punzo!!!!!! This is so so good!! Thank you so much for sharing!!!! I’ll be posting part two right after this!!!! Thank you again!!! Also, I’m very sorry it has taken me so long to post this. I had a very busy day and didn’t get the chance to sit and read! But this was so good!!!

[sourbat]

i'm always always always curious about your magnus and toki dynamic because it seems so fleshed-out and lovingly considered. can you talk a bit about how you write their relationship? :D and what is the appeal of them specifically that made you ship it and start writing it?

Oh, wow. There is just now way I’ll be able to answer this to the extent i want, but I’ll give you a brief intro???

I’ll be working backwards with this one. 

what is the appeal of them specifically that made you ship it and start writing it?

Specifically? I really like that they’re more a reflection of one another, with Magnus being a massive “warning/”what if?”” for Toki, if he was denied the same opportunities for love and/or success, kicked out of the band, etc.. They share a lot of similarities, both good and bad, so there’s also a potential “invest now and guarantee a better tomorrow” that both men, to some extent, are aware of. The fact that Toki is also objectively far from perfect also helps. I know with some ships, it’s not always clear that both characters have problems, and I know there are ships where it’s mainly one person helping the other. I think for this ship, it’s not about redeeming one character here, it’s about two characters trying to get past various obstacles and becoming better for it. To continue that reflecting theme, everything that Toki does for Magnus can be returned later, ranging from Magnus eventually taking care of Toki post G2, and even bringing Toki back to life.  It’s the fact that they’re one in the same, it makes it so interesting and fun to write! 

I know, with the basic power dynamic within the canon universe, not to mention established characteristics clearly stated in the show, it means that a lot of the burden is going to be on Toki using his resources to help Magnus first. I kinda dig it. Give power of (emotional/mental) healing to Toki, and make the god of death a savior. Personally, there’s a lot of really nice, untapped worship material here that I definitely want to explore. Or, you can. I definitely wouldn't mind. 

i'm always always always curious about your magnus and toki dynamic because it seems so fleshed-out and lovingly considered. can you talk a bit about how you write their relationship?

Thank you!! Well, this is going to be long, but I’ll try to keep it...kinda shortish? (In order at the very least.) 

To begin, I know someone who does live with mental illness, and over the course of our six year friendship, have experienced a lot of ups and downs. But we’ve been friends for six years, and looking at it as a whole, it’s crazy to see how much they’ve improved compared to when they first emailed me a billion years ago. But things weren’t always as good as they are now, and these things took time to get to that point. A lot of the things Toki’s said to Magnus aren’t too far from some of the things I’ve suggested to them, and some of the really messed up things Magnus has thought or said regarding himself, his mood swings, shifting attitude towards Toki, that’s all based on real moments, feelings and arguments. 

I think we agreed there were stages to this relationship, and mine are pretty much based on a combination of what I experienced, plus what I realistically think these two would go through. Since everything is, to some extent, planned out, and because I have a somewhat visible end goal in sight (already hinted at in other fics), it makes writing the harder parts leading up to it easier, and makes pulling memories and old emotions all the more fruitful. 

So there are four stages in their relationship, and when I write I try to figure where it's taking place. I’m not going into the nitty gritty, but if you want more I can elaborate. They are the following: 

Codependent stage: I legitimately think the first stage would be a codependent one. At this stage, Magnus cannot refuse Toki’s attention. It’s partly out of guilt, partly because Toki’s one of the few constants in his life, one of the few people providing him attention and with his illness, it’s some he craves. He wants attention without having to expose himself too much, and Toki’s providing just that. In turn, Toki receives validation and attention, something we know he wants from others. Neither want to talk about DR because they’re scared, and they both secretly hope the other will do it for him, but also dread it. Magnus is afraid that once the talk happens, things will “move on,” and he loses Toki, and Toki’s afraid he’ll fear Magnus again, and that everything everyone said about him is true. 

Communicative 1: The second stage really is just about communication, but it’s also the longest stage, which is why I break it into two. It’s  Magnus and Toki coming to terms with what happened, taking their time out of fear of what will come next, and facing that cathartic, but frightening sense of relief when they realize they don’t hate one another, and that are still bearings to their relationship. Toki now has evidence Magnus feels bad and cares about him, likes him for the joy it brings in his life, so there’s more incentive to return, even if it means asking more questions and getting painful answers. And Magnus now knows Toki will not leave him (for now), and starts to open up more, starting with things he thinks will continue keeping Toki around, then eventually moving on to other personal aspects of his life. 

Communicative 2: Magnus starts picking up slack, and Toki can start easing back with bearing the emotional/mental burdens. Magnus begins to share personal information he normally wouldn't, and Toki starts to feel more confident as his hard work starts to take form in Magnus being kinder, trying to stick with a plan regarding his mental health, creating goals and listening to Toki’s advice. Towards the later end, Magnus starts picking up on Toki’s issues more, and begins asking about them and slowly adjusting to avoid those triggers (Toki’s an alcoholic, has Panic Disorder and suffers from Depression). Eventually, guilt ceases to be the reason they’re together. 

Equilibrium: Magnus is regularly taking care of himself without needing to be reminded, and is now looking after Toki. Magnus CAN take care of Toki when needed, and can successfully put his own thoughts aside to help another person. Post G2 Magnus repays Toki back and basically takes care of him in the similar manner Toki did before. At various times during this stage Magnus believes Toki will never leave him, but considering his age chances are the doubt  will never vanish, only subdued when it arises. Toki eventually heals from some of his past traumas, beats depression, but still struggles with nightmares and panic attacks, though they are few and far between. They take care of each other.

[arrtemisia]

Hey so... If you could redo cannon Makoto what would you do? How would she change? I'm curious cause out of the main cast she was the only one that I just couldn't get a solid interest in (aside from Ann but that's just cause the idea of her being a fashion model confuses me more than anything I think)

God. So much stuff.

There's a couple big things about her that bug me, and none of them really change at all in her canon vs fanon portrayal, which means it's hard for me to enjoy her even in fanworks. In my opinion, I think her biggest flaw is that she's simply miscast, and her character would have worked much better as a confidant instead of a thief, which would've given her a place of her own to shine and avoid the weird dissonance between different aspects of her character (and this was actually their original plan, so Hifumi would have taken her place which. She would've fit in much better imo bc she's actually suffered under another's will like every single one of the others and she's an actual strategist instead of just """smart,""' but that's a topic for another post), but since we're talking about how I'd personally fix Makoto in the role she currently fills, I'm going to list some of the issues I take with her and potential solutions.

First of all, just to get it out of the way, she needs an actual reason to be here. She doesn't have one, full stop.

The big thing tying the thieves together is that they're all victims of abuse and oppression who rebel against their tormentors and want to prevent anyone else from suffering like they did. I'm not saying Makoto has never struggled, because she has, but it's really, really not the same type of struggle.

This leads to weird moments where everything about Makoto's personality and characterization, such as being a stickler for the rules, idolizing the police, etc mean that she has no in-character reason to stick with the thieves after kaneshiro is dealt with and should maybe even be opposing the thieves' way of doing things, but the plot drags her along anyway because the game really wants her to be a party member. And really, what's up with her awakening? She gets threatened once and then bang-boom-kapow she has a persona? It's weak.

Also before anyone says "well all those things about her personality change when she awakens and she sheds her good girl personality and yada yada," no she doesn't, actually, and I'm getting there I promise

The easiest solution here is also the most drastic. Swap when Makoto and Akechi join. This kills two birds with one stone; Makoto gets an actual reason to awaken through Sae, and Akechi's betrayal hits harder because he's pretending to be with you for longer (although admittedly this is much less needed on Akechi's part ever since royal).

Not only does this give Makoto a much stronger reason to awaken and join in the first place (Sae starts twisting into something horrible and Makoto wants to help both stop and save her), but it also gives her an internally consistent reason to stick around. Before, unlike the others (who all at least have "I want to stop others from feeling like I did," or in Futaba's case, "I wanna find the ppl who killed my mom."), once Kaneshiro is done with, Makoto has no real big personal reason to stick around other than "I'm a thief now and the plot says so ig." Now, of COURSE she'd want to go after Shido because he's the one that was manipulating her sister, and after that of COURSE she'd want to help take down mr divine sippy cup in order to get Shido tried and jailed.

However, if we're not going to shuffle around the order of party members bc that'd nuke the canon plot a little, then we need to rework the entire Kaneshiro arc and/or Makoto's backstory and values as a whole. Yeah this is why the first solution was the easy one.

I'm going to go in-depth about how I feel Makoto's personality and values should be reworked later I'M GETTING THERE, so I'll talk about that then. As for reworking Kaneshiro, I... don't have a whole lot of ideas. The palace itself is fine, it has one of the coolest atmospheres in the game (c'mon, there's got to be a fun bank heist in a game like this), but Makoto's connection with him is very weak. Maybe have it be that he was extorting her for years in secret and she never said anything? Maybe have him be the one that ordered the hit on her father? I'm not sure what would be strong enough to match to the other palace leaders, without feeling forced. I'll have to come up with more ideas for this one.

The second big issue I have with her is less of one specific thing and more of a collection of smaller problems that all come from the same source. She waltzes in, takes over, and starts acting like she's the boss of things. She then names herself the "strategist" and yet only ever states the obvious and, to use a word I hate, mansplains things to you that you already learned two palaces ago. She's constantly condescending and passive agressive to the other team members, especially Ann and Ryuji, berates everyone for not being as naturally book smart as her when all the other characters are smart in their own ways and just not good at academia, all the while everyone around her, even characters that normally wouldn't take that (ryuji, ann) or are too prideful to admit to anyone bring better (mona), are constantly like "You're so cool, Makoto!"

It's a classic case of show don't tell, and rhe game is obsessed with telling you that Makoto is "smart" and "cool." Once she joins the team, all the characters that were originally shown to be smart in their own ways are never allowed to say anything meaningful ever again bc Makoto is the "smart" one. She never does anything particularly different compared to the other party members, but the game is constantly insisting she's special.

I'm very hesitant to call her a mary sue, because I don't think she is one, and also I disagree with the use of that term at all as these days it's just meant to devalue powerful characters that happen to be girls, but I definitely think she's emblematic of a common writing flaw that can lead to mary sues. The problem with making a character the "smart" one as a personality trait instead of something that just comes naturally is that you have to dumb down everyone else's characterization to make them look smarter or cooler by comparison. It means that the character you're trying to prop up bends everyone else around them, making them act in ways they normally wouldn't in order to make the one character you're trying to look cool seem better by comparison.

This has an easy solution: cut that shit out. Have her slowly find her place on the team naturally instead of forcing her way in as a pseudo-leader. Don't give every single "well, duh" line to her, and cut the scenes where she stands around explaining obvious things you already know in a condescending manner so she looks smarter. Let the other characters actually act like themselves when they're in the same room as her instead of bending around her to prop her up. Have her treat those characters with respect in turn, bc for all intents and purposes when it comes to thief stuff they are her senpai, instead of just having her act like she's better than them, or boss them around, or be passive agressive about the fact that their grades are bad. Show that other characters are smart in other ways instead of acting like Makoto's book smarts are the end-all be-all. And for fuck's sake, stop acting like "smart" and "punches stuff real good" are personality traits, which leads me into my last big point.

Makoto and Queen don't really feel like the same character. Okay, so to explain this, let's walk through her awakening again.

Makoto is a good girl who's a stickler for the rules, sucks up to authority, idolizes the police, is obsessed with her grades and academic performance, and looks down on others who don't do the same. A couple people call her useless and then she gets threatened by a mob boss, after which she decides to live her life for herself and completely shed her good girl lifestyle and rebel against everyone pressuring her.

That is, except for the teensy tiny detail where she doesn't.

Nothing significant about her personality changes all post her awakening and joining the thieves, aside from the part where she sucks up to authority maybe a little less. She's still uptight, her grades (and the grades of those on her team) are still her top priority, she still idolizes the law and those enforcing it.

Y'see, persona has a bit of a common problem with saying one thing about a character, be it making a reveal or saying they're gonna change in some big way, but not fully committing to it. You can see it most in p4 (party members saying they're gonna quit/stop/do whatever and then backtracking in the last two ranks of their social link), but it's rarely so severe that it completely ruins their personality and character arc as a whole. Makoto, I feel, is the main exception.

The writers want Makoto to become this tough, rebellious biker queen who oozes badassery in every move and will never follow anyone's wishes for her ever again, but they also want to keep her old personality of the uptight naive rule-following law-abiding academic. So, instead of altering one to better fit the other, they try to do both... badly.

Instead of integrating the two parts of her personality, it just feels like she swaps between them whenever the plot calls for it which is really, really jarring. She'll be stuttering about following the rules and getting to know her generation one second, and then the next she'll be yelling about mowing down shadows with her motorcyle the next. It feels like Queen and Makoto are two separate uninteresting half-characters, with only a couple personality traits each, instead of one whole well-rounded character.

Either rework Makoto's thief aesthetic to better suit her personality as a whole and give her something other than "I'm totally not a good girl anymore" to make her compelling, or actually commit to Makoto shedding her past life everyone around her had forced on her and change her personality. Have her grades start to slip, have her talk back to Sae, change the way she dresses so it's rougher and less perfect, hell, maybe even have her quit student council. Just, anything to make her more well-rounded as a character.

I have some other nitpicks with her here and there, like the fact that her confidant is actually just Eiko's confidant and doesn't give Makoto herself any development, or the way the game keeps trying to set her up as Joker's waifu or whatever, but those are just that; nitpicks. The three big things I mentioned earlier - her not having a compelling personal reason to be a part of the thieves, the way the writers shove her into the spotlight by putting down everyone around her, and the fact that her characterization is just one badass half and one smart half that don't mesh and have little else in between - are the problems I feel are what's actually holding her character back.

Again, I do think that all of this stems from the fact that she's miscast, but it's too late to fix that now. While I personally really dislike Makoto, I do kind of understand her appeal for others when she's written well, and she's a totally valid character to like. I just wish she was portrayed better.

(Also, if anyone wants to reblog this, feel free I ask that you please don't put this in Makoto's main character tag. I know how much it sucks to get a bunch of negativity in a character's main tags as I am an Edelgard fe3h fan)

[seyaryminamoto]

Hey. This is the anonymous person who asked the question about Avatar Aang. I think you have plans after the end of the publication of Gladiator. I'm talking about creating a new fick (you will delight us with a gladiator for another 2-3 years, but still). You probably thought about it, I would like to see your opinion. To be honest, I haven't read so many fixes, but I haven't found anything yet that looks like a real "redemption of Azula", with a normal canon, well, of course with Sokkla)

Ah, the plight of Azula redemption. It is indeed a complicated matter.

I have talked about how I envision Azula’s redemption, I have written stories where she slowly comes to terms with the cruelty of her nation, I have written many where she’s already changed... but writing the direct redemption journey is, I’m afraid, not quite as easy as giving out occasional ideas on how it can be done, yep.

Gladiator is permeated, throughout, with many of my ideas on how to redeem Azula. The problem is, of course, that Azula in Gladiator didn’t commit the exact same acts as in canon, which makes it slightly easier to teach her the error of her ways, no matter how set she is on them at first. Meanwhile, canon Azula is a war leader, responsible for her own actions in the war and for even the conquest of a whole city. Holding her accountable for all the mistakes she made is necessary, I’ll never question that... but for Azula to bounce back from the dark places canon left her in would take a looooot of work.

Frankly, half of the reason why I never wrote Azula’s redemption myself, before Gladiator stole my soul, was because I was still naïve enough to hope/believe Azula would be redeemed in the comics. The Reason was written under the belief that The Search would start Azula on her redemption journey and that later comics would probably fulfill it. I assumed Sokkla wouldn’t be the canon route, so I just crafted how I hoped things could turn out between them after Azula was redeemed and, to a fault, trusted by her brother.

Then, like I said, Gladiator indeed stole my soul and I have a permanent residence there, with only occasional ventures back to canon territories. So... have I ever truly crafted a full-blown Azula redemption, even in my mind? Well... not really.

In my Matching Heartbeats stories, there are two canon-based stories that result in a gradual Azula redemption... but they’re canon divergence, hence, surely not what you’re looking for. While the steps taken would, eventually, take us to the same place, it’s still not a sequel-redemption that, I suppose, is what you want to see.

It’d be quite irresponsible of me to say I will absolutely make a story along those lines in the future, once Gladiator is done. While I’m nearly done with Part 2, Part 3 is going to be an insanely ambitious undertaking of its own... and I really don’t know where life will take me in the future, no matter how determined I am to see Gladiator through to the end. I can’t pretend I have any idea where I’ll go after this behemoth is done, frankly it’s entirely possible I’ll take the Frodo route and just travel to the west (?) just as it’s possible I’ll continue creating smaller-scale stories based on Gladiator’s setting because I’ll still be too attached to all that work to let it go easily, just as it’s possible I’ll test out other settings (such as the ones from the Matching Heartbeats stories), even including any posible full-blown sequels to canon to properly redeem Azula. 

In some ways, my story for the previous Saturdays, The White Lotus International Games, might have provided you with what you were looking for, as it’s meant to be a setting where Azula’s new group in canon betrays her too, and she ends up joining forces with the Gaang to help take them down, Then, she’s recruited by the White Lotus as Sokka’s partner, on some measure so that Sokka keeps an eye on her, on some measure to give her a new purpose and help her heal. They slowly develop feelings for each other in the process, though they only act on them in the story I did write... but perhaps that’s close to what you had hoped for? On some level? But as I focused on the Sokkla development in the story proper, Azula’s growth and development is, again, inferred rather than fully explored. Still... of all my stories, that’s probably the most canon-compliant one that could potentially be expanded into what you would like to see?

Anyways, if I ever see a fully-developed Azula post-canon redemption Sokkla story, I’ll be sure to recommend it :) but I’d rather not claim I’ll write this when I really can’t be sure that’s where my creative process may take me in the futre.

[traincat]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I really love your work and ask if there is any chance that one of your Spideytorch fics will be done before the end of the year? I'm not trykng to pressure you or anything, I'm just really invested in someof your ideas :) on that note: is it by any chance possible to persuade you into giving us some teeny tiny morebinformation about the virgin Johnny or PeterJohnnyMJ wips? They just sound so good O.O

Thank you! They ARE good (I think, anyway) -- I wish I could say like, a definite yes, but it’s more of an “I hope” yes. To be totally honest, it hasn’t been the best year in terms of either circumstances or mental health and my “oh okay I’m depressed” realization has always been “I’m not writing.” In this case, I am writing, but I’m not writing consistently. It was definitely not my plan to not have posted some longer WIPs before now and trust me nobody is madder at me about this than I am. So I definitely want to get them done sooner rather than later, especially the two auction fics I owe. But I can give you more info on those two.

The virgin Johnny WIP is set around Fantastic Four #205-207, aka the “Johnny accidentally goes to evil college and Spider-Man has to save him” plot, which coincidentally fit in around the time Peter’s extramarital affair with his ex, Betty Brant, went down, because I like to complicate things. I’ve hit the point in it where I’ve realized I’ve screwed myself because now I have to transcribe canon dialogue:

Throughthe window he could see Johnny, lying under the covers with his back to Peterand apparently asleep as if nothing had happened, which was more than enough tosettle some of Peter’s suspicions. He had a feeling if he strapped a liedetector test to Johnny, he wouldn’t have been able to tell Peter what hadhappened just hours before.

Asquietly as he could, Peter forced open the window and slung himself over thesill. The moonlight fell softly across Johnny, asleep on the bed, turning hisblond hair almost silver. It made him look beautiful, but also not quite real,like if Peter touched him he’d find him made out of nothing but pale fire.

Johnnyalso apparently slept shirtless. Of course he did. Peter sucked in a breaththrough his nose and reached out to shake his shoulder. His skin seemed, ifanything, warmer in sleep, like he’d let the tiniest little bit of his controlslip, and his bare shoulder was comfortingly warm through Peter’s gloves,chasing away the night’s chill.

“Riseand shine, handsome,” he said, leaning over Johnny. “We gotta talk.”

Thanks, Marvel, for making sure I have plenty of material.

The PeterMJJohnny fic is set in MC2 continuity and basically comes from my extreme frustration with the Fantastic Four half of MC2 because the Spider-Man half is great! Peter and MJ are married with kids! It’s a fun canon! The Fantastic Four half is “then Johnny married his abuser but for real this time.” So this is set pretty early in the MC2 canon diversion, about three-ish years after it breaks off from the main canon, before Johnny is married. I kind of wish I could include some of the steamier bits from the WIP, but I think tumblr will just banish the post. (Part of the reason I’m considering using a Patreon account.) 

Peter wasbeginning to realize what a spectacularly bad idea this entire night had been.

Ifthe looks Mary Jane kept throwing him over the top of her glass said anything,she’d already figured out he’d messed up. Fix it, hereyebrows said. As if Peter knew how.

Still,he hadn’t spent all those years as Spider-Man finding solutions to the hardproblems to back down from the challenge now. So what if most of thosesolutions had ended up being “hit the problem real hard.”

“Excuseme,” he said, pushing his chair back. “I need to go call the sitter.”

Hemoved to the back of the restaurant, by the restrooms, and then he fished hisphone out of his pocket. He scrolled to a familiar name in his contacts andpressed call.

Asecond later, across the room, Johnny reached for his phone. He frowned down atthe screen, then looked back up. Peter made eye contact and shook his head. Slowly,Johnny put his phone away. He turned to Lyja and Peter could see his lipsmoving: nobody.

“Hey,”he said, after Johnny’s voicemail message had ended. “First I want to say thatI’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spring that on you like that. The heat of themoment got away from me and – heat of the moment. You see, it’s funny becauseyou’re so -- Sorry.” He took a deep breath. “Look, this is serious. Mary Janeand I, we’re really serious. And maybe this set up was a mistake, but wethought it would be romantic,” he paused. “And we want that. For you. To havesomething romantic. So if you want me to never speak of this again, that’sfine. It’s your call. But Mary Jane thinks together the three of us could havesomething really special, and I agree. Ball’s in your court, Johnny Storm. I’dsay I love you, but you already know that.”

Helowered the phone and almost hung up before he raised it again. “And myfavorite movie’s Arsenic and Old Lace, but you know that too, because you thinkit’s weird I love a movie where the hero’s sweet little old aunts murder people.”

Hehung up. Then he called the babysitter, because he said he was going to.

“Everythingalright?” Mary Jane asked when he rejoined the table.

“Fine,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. He looked at Johnny as he didand Johnny looked back.