#you are the same people who would’ve been all ‘dean’s was happy to die for sam in the same way he always lived for him’

[theswampghost]

i can’t with people saying “that was a happy ending for izzy” do you hear yourselves? him dying in the same way he always believed he would, a hard death, a painful death, when he was just learning to want more? when he was just starting to live for himself and not for ed, a death for the very same person he lived his whole life for? that’s a happy ending, to you? are you hearing yourself?

[watchyourbuck]

Hey, hi! Hope you don't take this the wrong way but do you think some in the fandom cling to buddie with our teeth and nails because we (me included) survived destiel?

DHFJSNDNSN don’t worry I’m not taking this the wrong way at all. I went (and I guess im still going) to Destiel for soooo long. It was my first important ship. Like important, important.

I think the people who have gone through the trenches in other fandoms are more likely to cling to a couple they see or ship because they don’t get let down easily, yknow? If that makes sense

Even with the horrifying Destiel canonization/bury your gays thing, I still shipped it and genuinely firmly believe(d) that Dean also loved and was in love with Castiel.

However at the same time, I don’t think Buddie is at the point where people are ‘clinging’ to it, because it’s not been destroyed. It’s not like someone’s trying to rip its corpse away from our greedy little hands, and more like we still have yet to come and see. S7 has been such a kick in the stomach (affectionate), and obviously I don’t speak for everyone but personally I was blown away by the fact that they actually made Buck bi, instead of letting the “fanon” (today canon) die with us. Plus, having Oliver on our side has been so good and so refreshing, and so, so telling as well.

With all this I’m just trying to say that s8 is not even being filmed yet, and there’s so many storylines they could do, including Buddie – be platonic or romantic. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but when I ship buddie I don’t think I’m way off base, or insane or delusional (like maybe I would’ve thought a few seasons ago) but I also can’t help it but to enjoy the bucktommy of it all, because seeing Buck happy and free and enjoying himself makes me so happy too.

So, I guess, in a way you could be right, and if we were at the point where it was clear bucktommy (or other Buck inclusive ship) was endgame the way Bathena is, then all us spn veterans (and others) could very well be holding onto something because we love it too much to let it go. But I don’t think we’re there.

I hope this answers your question in a way <3

[mittensmorgul]

Mittens, I know that some people are rejoicing over Castiel's vision in 12x19, but personally, I started crying when I realized that Cas gave up so much for love and faith in his family, and got teased with that vision of the future - a paradise he wanted for them, for himself - but never approximated that in the end. It's just so heartbreaking and I feel like I'm mourning him all over again and it just really sucks. Idk.

Hi hi!

The vision also hurts my heart, deeply, but maybe for slightly different reasons...

I have been suffering throughout the last few seasons over Cas's overall arc, and this vision, in that moment in 12.19, when Cas was literally (in text! from Dean's mouth!) desperate for a win, is just excruciating to me. And I'll tell you why.

in the mixtape scene, this was Cas's lament to Dean. He wanted to come back with a win FOR DEAN, and FOR HIMSELF. He wanted Dean to think of him as the "hero" or the "savior."

I will pause to ask here: since when has Dean ever wanted that? Ever since Cas gripped him tight and saved him from Hell, Cas has struggled to step out from that role of Protector. Shield.

This was the Big Mistake he made in s6, right? Everything that went wrong was framed around the fact that he was trying to "protect" Dean. This is why he bought into Crowley's plan, why he left Dean in the dark even after he got dragged back into the fight, and why everything ultimately ended with Cas's literal death. Like... the narrative judged him. In 6.20, all he was left with was Dean's disappointment, and a drive to prove that he was actually right (he was not actually right...).

Even in 12.19, he was "playing them" all along. He came back under the pretense of wanting to "rejoin the team" and work together with Sam and Dean again, but really he was only there to steal the Colt on behalf of Heaven. Cas was prepared to do whatever it took to keep Sam and Dean safe from Dagon, but also "safe" from having to kill an innocent woman to prevent the birth of the nephilim she carried.

Like in s6, Cas was desperate for that win. He was desperate to "earn" his place with the Winchesters, the family he chose. He even told Kelvin before they went in to confront Dagon that he wasn't doing this to redeem his "reputation" in Heaven, he only cared about "redeeming his reputation" with DEAN.

He has no idea that Dean does not give one flying fig about Cas's ability to "protect him," he just wants Cas to Be There With Him.

And later on, this is literally the lesson Cas attempts to impart to Jack. When Jack laments the loss of his power, and believes himself "useless," It's CAS who most effectively talks to him about the fact that nobody cares about his powers, that they don't care about what he can do FOR them. They just care about HIM. Like... even in 15.18. This is the conversation he has with Jack by the Impala while Sam and Dean are talking to Charlie:

Jack: I feel... strange. I don't know if that's because of what happened to me, if it means something, or if I just feel strange because... it's over. The plan. My destiny. I was ready to die and, I wanted to, for Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right, and now... I don't know why I'm even here.

Castiel: Jack. You never needed absolution from Sam, or Dean, or from me. We don't care about you because you're useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.

So like... for YEARS I've felt like this was what Dean needed to actually say TO CAS. That he doesn't want Cas to try to protect him. He doesn't need Cas to be his shield. He doesn't need Cas to be "powerful" or his savior. He just needs Cas.

So this vision... this "manipulation" that Jack showed Cas in that very moment in 12.19, that Cas believed was "paradise" at the time, was what Cas needed to hear in that moment. That he could be "powerful," with his wings healed and made "useful" again.

Dean thanking him.

Not Dean being happy that they're all safe, that they managed to finally "get a win," but specifically thanking HIM for actually winning.

He wanted to believe he could be useful again.

And to me that was a tragic, depressing lesson that he still never managed to understand for himself by the end of the series.

If Dean ever knew what the vision Cas had considered "paradise" in that moment of betrayal of his loved ones, I personally think Dean would've been horrified. I mean, he didn't even KNOW what the vision entailed, and was pre-horrified by his personal belief about how Cas had been manipulated into running away and leaving them all in the dark immediately after they'd all just gotten back on the same page again and recommitted to working together again.

So like... This is still DEEPLY in Cas's disturbing mindset of being 100% ready to sacrifice himself to "spare" Sam and especially Dean from having to do the hard things. This was nearly an identical mindset to when he'd said yes to Lucifer in the Cage in s11 because he believed he could spare Sam from having to do that himself. Like... he truly believed he was making Good Choices in these instances, and it ended up both times causing problems he'd never even considered. S11 had Lucifer using him and nearly killing Sam and Dean, and then going on a rampage that would last multiple seasons more which directly led to Jack in the first place. And then in the attempt to bring about Jack's birth, Cas cut off all communication with the Winchesters (theoretically to protect them) and therefore they had no way to warn him that Lucifer was still on the loose and closing in on reclaiming Jack himself. It literally ended up costing them Mary (pulled through the rift with Lucifer), Crowley sacrificed himself to stop it, and Lucifer killed Cas, all because Cas ran away and tried to fix everything on his own. He desperately wanted to be the winner, here.

So to me, I can't see him getting his wings back and being truly powerful and being "Dean's savior" and him basically thinking that Dean's acknowledgement of that salvation and Dean's gratitude was his idea of "paradise?" Yeah... it turns my stomach.

Dean... would hate it.

Dean's idea of paradise... is actual free will. Of them CHOOSING EACH OTHER, choosing family and standing shoulder to shoulder as a united front against the threats that come their way, instead of yet again making the same mistake of believing that they're sacrificing themselves to spare their loved ones from having to stand up and fight at all.

It NEVER works out that way. Never has. Never would.

I mean, this is why Cas made the deal with the Empty, trading away his own happiness for Jack, believing that Dean's happiness was in having JACK in the family. The tragic blind spot was his inability to see that Dean's happiness ALSO INVOLVED HAVING CAS THERE.

And the ultimate tragedy is that Dean never got a chance to actually say that to Cas.

Because if Cas had actually known that, he would never have made the choices he did.

Which is another reason I absolutely can't credit the end of 15.19 and Jack NOT bringing Cas back, knowing that he'd done it once before, and knowing WHY Cas sacrificed himself. Jack knew the conditions of Cas's deal, and I cannot believe that any version of JACK would have allowed that sacrifice to stand for HIM. Because it was the antithesis of everything Cas himself had ever taught to Jack.

Heck... I hope that makes sense...

basically, this should've been a jumping off point for Cas to ACTUALLY understand he was just as wanted, just as needed, just as cared for, and yes even LOVED, for who he was, and not the sacrifices he could make to protect Dean (and Sam, and Jack... but ultimately for Dean).

The fact he KNEW the moment he made that deal with the Empty that the knowledge of the details of that deal would be a "burden" to Dean, that it would be upsetting to Dean to know that Cas had literally traded away his own potential for true happiness because he thought that would be what Dean would prefer... he KNEW Dean would be upset about that. He knew Dean would NOT have wanted that, and swore Jack to secrecy about it. Like... he knew he had done the wrong thing here, or he wouldn't have hidden it from Dean.

So I have a really hard time thinking of this vision of Paradise (which is already a loaded word in itself in canon, and was literally what Dean spat out as an angry insult at Cas in 4.22 before his first true "tearing up the pages" and making it up as they go moment) as anything but a glaring warning sign.

And then oh look, Cas was literally killed for it four episodes later.

Then when he came back, he went right back to believing in his "purpose," wondering WHY he was brought back. Dean's "we needed you" wasn't really clear enough for Cas to understand that they didn't need him to "protect" them or to be "useful" to them. Dean just NEEDED him. Full stop.

It's a tragedy, folks.

[stardustnfreckles]

To celebrate the DeanCas100k on ao3 here's a list of my all-time favourite Destiel fanfictions:

CANON VERSE

A turn of the earth Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Early seasons!Dean keeps meeting Cas at the most random moments, till he isn’t anymore... Definetly a must read.

In the shadow of your wings

Set after the S11 finale. Dean kinda breaks Cas’ heart. Because sometimes he can be thick SOB. The Cas finds a new shiny and witty italian boyfriend and Dean’s not happy about it. and now Sam is missing, Mary is back and Dean has a mixed bag of feelings he has to deal with. Probably my favorite canonverse ever.

Like moses and batman and James Dean dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas.

A masterpiece in characterization by saltyfeathers. I loved everything, The dialogues, the flashbacks, the way Dean and Cas emotions are portrayed. There’s angst and internalized homophobia but also confort and IT IS JUST SO GOOD OK?

The best bang for your buck It’s not like Castiel knows who this GotImpala67 person is. There’s no personal information listed on their profile. Except that they’re male, thirty-seven, from Kansas and, apparently, they like inserting things inside themselves.

Cas plays dumb even tho he really is not and I love him for it. Dean is the kind of buyer who leaves detailed reviews of the products he buys (which is the best kind if you ask me) I love the writer’s style and their sense of humor. It’s short although I never get tired of re-reading this one. Also Bring up the deep & Till the juice runs from the same author are with mentioning.

Kisses by sunflowers beds by fanforfanatics & Watched by K_K_TiBal

This two fics have a on thing in common: At the end of both you’ll be asking yourself how can less than 5k hurt you so much?

I cried, then I smiled and cried some more. This fics will crush you in the best way possible.

Take me home country roads The most IC Deamon!Dean I’ve ever read. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.

What’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles aka queen of post S15 fix-it fics

That black dog ache A simple case turns Dean upside down as he attempts to deal with the effects of a particularly strange love spell.

The perfect gift Castiel has a big problem concerning Dean... thankfully, Sam is always around to help

Really short Crack!Fic about Cas being clueless and adorable.

So says the sword by komodobits

Actually I suggest to go on their ao3 profile and read EVERYTHING.

The profet must die

Dean starts reading Chuck’s book out of curiosity and ends up having a epiphany about his apparently not so much platonic relationship with a certain angel of the lord.

A room of one’s own All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

It mostly smut with a bit of healthy angst and great amount of humor.

My Roots Take Flight After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

Reverse!Verse set in season 4. It’s interesting to watch their relationship develop even if the roles are reversed.

The hands that bind me Dean is struggling with adjusting back into the civilized world after a year of fighting for his life in Purgatory. He's going to need some angelic assistance reining in his darker impulses.

If your’re into BDSM/Sub!Dean/Dom!Cas/Hurt/Confort/Dark themes then that’s the fic for you.

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? Dean is an octopus 🐙 and it’s weird but also kinda sweet.

Cuckoo and nest For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. it puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

Established relationship/ they’re really bad at communication/ fluff / hurt confort

Put up your dukes Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Along my restless palms Ever since Cas started staying in the bunker, Dean’s been having these crazy dreams—dreams that feature him and Cas in absurd, tawdry scenarios like something out of a filthy paperback. Dean chalks it up to exhaustion, or some monster messing with his head, anything to ignore the real cause: Cas in his personal space, in various states of undress, and, wow, way more muscular than Dean would’ve expected. But if it’s just physical lust that’s the cause, then that’s an easy fix, right? No big deal. There’s definitely nothing else that his subconscious is trying to tell him. Absolutely not.

last but not least Pretty much anything by xylodemon. The atmosphere and the way characters are portrayed are *chef kiss* There are a lor of case fics and they really feels like actual episodes from supernatural just way less omophobic and more fun.

[peach-coke]

PEACHY!! I just finished the final. How u doing? What do you think?

Hey Sol! Sorry for leaving you hanging with an answer for a couple days but I had to process. And mourn, after all I said goodbye to something that has been part of me for 15 years. That's half my life. It's weird and I don't think I've ever cried as much as I have in the past 3 days but... Well. Luckily, they're happy tears. "Don't cry because it's over, cry because it happened" aside? I love the ending.

It's all I could've ever asked for. Ah, who am I kidding? It's more than that. I was prepared to be gutted in a really bad way. I am gutted but for all the right reasons. It was tragic. It was painful. It was beautiful. But most of all? It was a Love-Letter.

I know there’s a lot of people who’re upset about parts of the episode; I understand. We’re all grieving in our own ways. I hope however, that once the dust has settled and feelings stop spiking into extremes, people will realize that the episode left so many things unsaid and ambiguous... Meaning there's lots and lots of space for interpretation and headcanons to “fix” the finale into something that makes it better for you. And I’d like to think this was done on purpose.

I’m soo sorry I end up rambling on one of your asks again Sol, but I’ll do exactly that to pick up some of the things I’ve seen people be most upset about and give some of my perspective on them. Maybe it’ll help some people to feel better and grow to love the final as much as I do ♥

One thing I’ve seen a lot of people be upset about is that Dean didn’t get to live the life they’ve fought for so hard. Actually? We don’t know that. There is no timestamps, no indicators that tell us they didn’t do what we saw in the first domestic montage for a couple years. The only hint we have is that Miracle is still around and kicking, so it couldn’t have been more than maybe 6 years (because 6-8ish is when a dog that size shows clears signs of aging). Besides that? Nobody and nothing stops us in believing they had that “domestic bliss with a little bit of hunting on the side”-life for quite a while before it happened.

Them talking about mourning Cas and Jack is no indicator either. I still mourn people I lost 15 years ago, when the occasion calls for it or I remember them in moments that they would’ve loved to be part of. Mourning never stops… Of course, even 6 years aren’t a lifetime. But do we really think Dean - our Dean - would’ve been happy and content with a 9-to-5 job? Yeah, didn’t think so either...

Then, we have the rebar. Which honestly didn’t bother me at all, for several reasons. First, I love parallels and this episode was so full of them… Not only was the whole “stabbed in the back” thing a direct callback to arguably the most painful death in the series to date – Sam’s first in All Hell Breaks Loose – it was also a callback to The Song Remains the Same. The episode where Sam is stabbed by Anna – with a rebar/fixture she ripped out of the wall - and bleeds out on the floor. The only reason he got out of it alive, is because John!Michael fixed him. Otherwise? He would’ve died by being stabbed with a rebar. Just like that.

Ash himself told them that they died several times together and can’t remember because the angels don’t want them to. We, the viewers, have never seen them die together until Dark Side Of The Moon. Which strongly implies that they must’ve died on random hunts. More than once.

So Dean’s death in the barn? That’s what happens to Hunters who have no divine intervention. That’s what happens to Hunters who are living the life without being chosen for something bigger. That’s what happens to Hunters with free will. Dean’s death in the barn was a true Hunter’s death. The one he always wanted. There’s no glory, there’s nothing special about it. It just is. And I thought that was tragically poetic in its own way.

I know people were expecting them to go out Butch and Sundance style. Together – I admittedly wanted that too. But the way Dean’s death happened didn’t bother me at all. And honestly? Sam’s soul died in that barn, too. We know it did. So they did go out together, one way or another. It was just not the way we expected.

The cinematic parallels of Sam’s life without Dean to Dean’s life without Sam after Swan Song honestly floored me. It was beautifully heartbreaking.

We see Sam living his life while Dean is driving along “right there beside him, every step of the way”. We see him holding on for Dean, fulfilling the promise he made to his brother about living on. Making sure there’s always a Winchester that knows love left in the world. The final sacrifice of Sam, the bravest and strongest man we know. Sam, who sits down in the car he once called home, to be close to the one person that always held the same connotation. Sam, who knows his other half is waiting for him, sitting just there in the same spot he is. Every step of the way. That’s my Supernatural right there.

What I especially like about the whole thing is, that it once again leaves us with another take besides the one we actually saw and thought obvious. We can also pretend Sam died on that werewolf hunt, shortly after Dean’s death. There is nothing that stops you from seeing this as canon, (There’s actually quite a few hints that it’s a very strong possibility), because the way the whole scene played out could’ve easily been a daydream of Dean while he was driving in heaven.

The fact they left it open like that is a gift, in my eyes. They could’ve easily forced a fixed narrative on us. But they didn’t. Same with so many other things. They left us with so many possibilities and room for our own takes. And I think it’s fair that people need time to process what we’ve been given here. It’s fair that people are still upset about some aspects, because they have yet to realize that there is a pathway for them to see it differently, without discarding canon at all.

There’s only one thing that is not open for interpretation. And that’s that Sam and Dean love each other as much as two human beings can love each other. And none of them is complete without the other. I never quite understood why some people needed the show to end on romantic notes. Supernatural has never been about that. It has always been about the deep, abiding love those two brothers had for each other and how neither heaven nor hell ever stood a chance against it. Platonic love is just as beautiful as romantic love; sometimes even more so. And that’s what this finale showed us.

And that’s why I love it so much. Why I say it’s a Love-Letter. It’s a Love-Letter to us; The ones who’ve been there all the way from the start. The ones who’ve seen the show for what it is and what it has always been: The epic love story of Sam and Dean Winchester.

Despite all that, it is still valid to dislike the ending. You are entitled to do so. But if you really think Sam and Dean - two soulmates, surrounded by the people they love, at peace - spending the rest of eternity together in heaven is the absolute worst possible ending that destroyed everything the show ever stood for? I’m sorry, but in that case you did not understand Supernatural at all.

[headinthestaticsky]

The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 15 FINALE

AUTHORS NOTES: This is a long one folks... hope you like it.

 ALL THE CHARACTERS IN TWILIGHT DO NOT BELONG TO ME! ALL RIGHTS GO TO STEPHENIE MEYER!

WARNINGS: Violence

“Before you slip into unconsciousness I'd like to have another kiss Another flashing chance at bliss Another kiss, another kiss.” 

Crystal Ship by: The Doors.

POV: BELLA’S

I slowly opened the ballet studio doors, I peaked around each side of the room before entering. It was quiet, and I didn’t see mom anywhere the entire room was void of people. 

“BELLA? BELLA? WHERE ARE YOU!?!”

I knew it, I knew Fleur was wrong... mom was here!

“MOM?”

“BELLA!”

“I’m coming mom!”

I ran to the end of the studio and opened the door, my heart sunk into my stomach... It was a TV, of an old home video mom took of me when I was a kid.

“Oh there you are! What are you doing in here?” My mom said.

“Mommy, I suck.” I said back to her, she gasp.

“You do not suck!”

I heard a laugh, it was deep, my blood had run cold, I knew who that voice was. My breath had started to stutter, but I face him. His body was imprinted on every mirror in the room.

“That’s my favorite part... You were a stubborn child weren’t you? Hmm?” James walked up to me, he petted the side of my head before pushing me against a wall.

“S-she’s not even here.”

“No.” He pushed his face closer to mine, breathing me in.

“I’m sorry... but you really made things too easy for me... so to make it up to you. I’m going to make a little film of our time together. I stole this from your house... I hope you don’t mind. And... action. Oh, this will just break Edward little heart.” 

I glanced up, I thought my mind was deceiving me... I saw Fleur, she was holding a rock in her hands. She brought her finger up to her lips and silently shushed me.

“Ed-Edward has NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.” I said, I pushed myself up but I was pushed right back against the wall.

“Oh but he does, his rage will make for a much more interesting sport than his feeble attempt to protect you... and let’s continue.

“HEY!” 

James turned around, before he could say anything a rock was thrown right at his head. His skin had a slight crack in it... he looked pissed. When he turned back around to me I sprayed him in the eyes with my pepper spray. I took off Fleur waiting for me halfway in the room. She grabbed my hand and made a rush to the door but James jumped right in front of us. He grabbed me and threw me into a glass podium. He then turned toward Fleur, a deadly look was in his eyes.

“BELLA!” She screamed.

POV CHANGE: Fleur

All the fear had left my body as soon as I saw him... it was as if adrenaline had taken over me. I threw that rock with all my might, hoping to damage him in someway. I saw the slightest crack on him, and I got him to divert his attention toward me for a second. Bella and I then ran for the door but James got in our way. He threw Bella into a glass podium and then turned around to face me. The fear still didn’t enter my being, I was beginning to wonder if I had a death wish at this point. Before I could react James grabbed me by the back of my hair and turned me around to face the mirror. He slammed my head into the floor. He lifted my head back up and made my look at my now bloody appearance in the mirror.

“Jasper... he is just as pathetic as Edward... he left you this, fragile, idiotic human... He didn’t have the strength to turn you. You make this hunt much more...fun.” He licked the side of my head, drinking my blood in the process.

“You think your so amazing? I’ve seen the way you hunt and track people... It’s mediocre at best.” I spat back out, I could hear Bella groaning in pain in the background.

“How have you seen me? If I sensed you were there I would’ve eaten you up too.”

“I’ve had dreams, I was in that slut of your’s body Victoria... I saw how you hunted, it’s pathetic.”

“...You’re lying...”

“Oh yeah... does this sound familiar to you?”

“It’s always the same, inane questions. Who are you?” 

“What do you want?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“James... let’s not play with our food.”

“How in the hell could you be able to do that...You’re human, nothing more, nothing less.” James said, his grip tightened on my hair, he teeth were clinched. He was seething in pure anger.

“That doesn’t matter...” I said my dark brown eyes glaring back up at him through the mirror.

“All I know is Jasper is going to kick your ASS!”

James dragged me away from the mirror, bringing me to Bella.  He then set the camera down and grabbed both of our legs. Breaking them instantly Bella had started to scream but I held it.

“It doesn’t hurt...nothing is cracking... nothing has broken.... I will not give him that satisfaction of him knowing he hurt me.” I thought.

“Tell them how much it hurts.... tell them to avenge you!”

“NO EDWARD DON’T”

“That means you too...tell poor ol’ Jasper how much it hurts.”

I didn’t budge, he then let go of Bella’s leg and grabbed both of mine, He hurled me threw me through one of the mirrors. A large piece of glass was impaled into my side he then dragged my through the glass, my back getting cut along the way. He then dropped me  and turned to go back to Bella but before he could someone had knocked him out of the way. I then heard a bang against one of the mirrors.

“You got here first... because your fast than the others... but not stronger.” James said.

“I’m strong enough to kill you!” He then kicked James back, I couldn’t tell where though. The room was starting to spin, It felt like I was floating. I could tell who it was though it was Edward, he looked between Bella and I not knowing who to go to. He turned his head to me before muttering a “I’m sorry Fleur” to me. 

This was it, I was going to die here...Edward was going to take Bella and leave me here. I saw him jump up in the air toward a window but James had grabbed him and drug him and Bella back down to the ground. I was gasping at this point, the pain and loss of blood was starting to take it’s toll on me. I heard Bella scream in extreme pain, I knew James had bitten her right then and there. I couldn’t even say anything, I had blacked out. Muffled screams and voices had come into my sense of hearing. I woke up after being shaken by someone.

“Hey, hey, darlin, look at me. You’re going to be fine.”

“J-jasper?�� I said... I didn’t recognize my own voice, it was weak and frail.

“Yeah, it’s me... you need to stay awake for me okay? C’mon let me see those beautiful eyes huh?” 

My eyes opened slightly I could see the blurry image of a fire with Alice, Dean and Emmett fighting for something to go in it. I felt a gigantic pressure on my side and hissed. I began to fade out again.

“Hey, hey... c’mon keep your eyes open... you have to stay awake! You can’t forget about what you told me in your room that night... 

I weakly grabbed his hand, squeezing as tight as I could.

“Jazz, y-you need t-to go... my blood, you can’t be comfortable right now. He ignored me and continued in on his rant

You told me you’d live... that no matter how much you got hurt... you would live, you would still be human. You can’t break you promise on me now... you need to stay awake. Fleur? FLEUR!”

My world faded to black again, the sound I heard was the beeping of a machine, it smelt like I was in a hospital. My eyes twitched and I heard rustling on the side of the room.

“Petal? Are you waking up?” It was my dad’s voice... relief filled my body, he was okay. I finally opened my eyes, they were burned by the bright fluorescent lights in the room.

“Dad?”

“Hey petal, you feeling okay?”

I tried to sit up but, a stinging sensation on my side made me lay back down.

“I’ve been better.”

“When I got the call from Jasper, my heart dropped... I didn’t think I would ever see you again.” Dad said, he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

“I’m here... just a little beaten up right now.”

“Jasper has been here ever since you came in, he hasn’t eaten or drunken anything... in 3 days. I’ve tried to get him to eat something but he would budge. You picked a good one Petal, I’ve never seen so much dedication for someone before.”

“So, you aren’t mad at him?”

“Not at all, Edward on the other hand... he needs some work.”

“A lot of work you mean.”

He chuckled 

“Yeah, you got that right.”

“Is Bella okay?”

“Yeah she’s fine... she told me what happened. She said you were chasing her down a flight of stairs in the hotel  when she tripped dragging you down with her... and then you both went through a window! Do you remember any of this?” 

“Nope, none at all.”

“They said you lost a lot of blood due to a piece of glass stabbing you on the side, it was close to hitting the side of your lung. You got stitches over there.”

“Oh, that explains the pain then.”

“Yeah...”

“I can’t wait to go home... I miss it there... and I miss my bed too.”

“The rooms ready for you Petal.”

The hospital room door opened, we both looked up and saw Renee looking in on us.

“She wants to see you.” She then closed the door behind her, not even acknowledging me.

“Well I see she hasn’t changed much.”

“Yeah... not at all.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with her dad.” 

He turned and looked at me, and then he smiled.

“It’s worth it for you.”

“I love you dad.”

“I love you too.” He then left, leaving me alone in the hospital room with Jasper.

“Hey Jazz.”

“Hi Darlin.”

I opened my arms, inviting him in for a hug. He accepted the invitation immediately.

“I’m so happy to hear your voice again love.” We pulled apart, now facing each other.

“I’m happy to be alive, to be able to see you again. Did you guys get James?”

“Yeah, we got him, boy you should’ve seen Emmett and Dean... they were brutal.”

“I couldn’t of imagined how you felt... I’m sure my blood made you uncomfortable too.”

“You’re the one in the hospital bed... and you’re worrying about me? You did the same thing in the studio. You told me to leave, that you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable around all your blood. You are something special my love, purely amazing.”

“Of course I worry about you Jazz...I love you.”

“I love you too Darlin.”

TIMESKIP: Two week later.

Getting back to Forks was amazing, I never thought I would be so happy to see that small town again. The first week back was rough, I could hardly move, the pain was unbearable at times. The second week was a lot better but, Bella and I haven’t talked much since our fight. The tension was back... and I knew I couldn’t trust her anymore. She was too selfish, too self absorbed, she would risk me and everyone around her just to save herself and Edward. Rosalie and Alice visited me whenever they could and today, the were helping me get ready for prom. I didn’t think I would be able to go but, the pain in my side was nothing more than a annoying throb.

“You guys really don’t have to do this you know...” 

“Yes we do, besides I picked out the dress and I want to see you wear it.” Rosalie said.

“I’ve always wanted to do your makeup and hair... and since I’m here, you can’t stop me now!” Alice exclaimed.

“Alright, alright, make me beautiful!”

A few moments had passed and my make up and hair were done, I was impressed. They really knew what they were doing. I quickly changed into my dress, this was the most beautiful I had felt in the past 2 weeks.

“You look beautiful.” Rosalie said, she looked at me through the mirror, a smile was on her face.”

“You better go, Jasper’s waiting downstairs with Charlie...”

“Okay, okay, thank you guys.”

We all three hooked arms with each other and made our way downstairs. Jasper and Dad sat up walking toward the stairs, they both smiled at me.

“You look gorgeous.” Jasper said.

“Thank you, you look great. Just ignore the cast... it’s a lot...”

Jasper wrapped his arm gingerly around my waist and kissed my cheek.

“You two have have fun, stay safe.” Dad said.

“We will dad.” 

Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and I all made our way outside, Emmett and Dean were waiting for us. 

The drive was nice, it gave me a sense f peace after everything that had happened to me. I wish I could keep this feeling this forever, I felt safe, loved. Jasper had helped me out of the car and guided me through the front of the building. We got our pictures taken and made our way inside... it was a bit chaotic. I looked around and saw Angela and Eric, she looked at me and waved happily. I of course, returned the gesture. I then saw Jessica with Mike, she was posing and taking pictures. When she saw me I gave her a thumbs and mouthed,”You look incredible.” She mouthed back, “you do too!” 

“Come with me, love.” I heard Jasper say, he pulled my attention back to him.

I he pulled me towards the outside of the building, it was secluded. The lights from the inside and the gazebo gave it and warming glow. He turned to face me and grabbed my hands. He pulled my on top of his feet and then began to dance.

“This isn’t how I exactly envisioned this moment but, the one part I knew would happen is still here.” I said.

“And what would that be?”

“That I’d be dancing with you.”

“Looking you over, and you don’t know my name yet.

By the time you looked away I already knew I couldn’t fake it.

I got this need for you, forming in my beating heart.

I knew the meaning right away, when only yesterday were worlds apart.”

“I’m glad I got to be apart of it with you.” Jasper said

“I do too, the happiness you’ve made me feel, is always the best I’ve ever felt.”

“You brought me back to life, love.”

“And you brought even more life to me.”

“I think I may love you, 

If you give my sometime,

Maybe you’ll love me too.”

“I got this need for you, if you come closer I can whisper in your ear.

And if you wanna walk away 

I’ll tell you all the things I know you’d wanna hear.”

“You know... I was talking with Edward he told me some things about Bella.” Jasper said.

“What would that be?”

“Bella is in desperate need to become a vampire now.”

“Wow...”

“So I wanted to ask you... are you in desperate need to become one too?”

“ I mean... I would love to spend eternity with you but... it’s way too soon for me to change. I’m not ready to leave dad yet...”

“That’s a relief to here love.”

“If I were to get changed so soon... It would have to be because I’m about to die... I won’t do it any other way.”

“I promise I won’t change you unless I absolutely have too.”

“I’ll come closer,

To you if you

Come over

I know we’ll go farther

Farther with you

With you I’m in warm water swimming down.”

“I love you Jasper Hale.”

“I love you Fleur Swan.”

“With you I’m in warm water swimming down.”

Warm Water by, BANKS.

END OF BOOK 1

[chessieshire]

Processing my thoughts here.

I've been rewatching Cas and Dean scenes and moments where I know they talk about each other to analyze their reactions. Why? Because I wanted to assess for myself how I think Dean feels about Cas. I like to think I have pretty good intuition or so I've been told throughout my life. Track record of it is pretty good with the results.

When you grow up walking on eggshells having to assess people's behavior and emotions in order to protect yourself and others it becomes a necessary survival skill.

So what do I think so far? Ok so Dean is definitely bi so let's get that out of the way.

I personally think Dean has been subconsciously attracted to Cas and has felt love for him as a best friend or brother up until season 12 when I believe Dean actually fell in deep love with Cas.

I believe the moment Dean fell in love with Cas was when Cas killed Billy to save the 3 of them and then says he doesn't care if he loses his own life as a consequence.

I think before that moment Dean really did feel dead inside from being locked up in solitude for almost 2 months. Then when Cas made that huge risk to his own life to save theirs I believe it brought Dean's emotions back to life. Like a cosmic jumpstart.

Obviously Dean's an emotionally suppressed dum dum (I am too it takes one to know one) that he wasn't aware of falling in love with Cas he was just reacting to his frustrations, confusions, and concern for Cas and the "cosmic consequences". Hence the marital bickering in the next episode.

I believe that Dean started to realize he was in love with Cas when he almost died by the poisonous/venomous lance. When Cas said he loves him looking at Dean and loves them all. Dean started to realize he loved him romantically as he almost lost him again but probably still didn't "get" what kind of love Cas meant towards him.

Then Dean's dealing with too much confusion about it. He was so upset with Cas leaving and not responding to his messages it triggered his abandonment issues while Mary was also "needing space" at the same time that made those triggers worse. He had told Cas previously that he's his and Sam's best friend and brother (probably to observe his reaction to that to get a hint of how Cas felt) but he's obtuse so he probably felt like Cas loved him like a bro.

Not to mention season 7 when Dean is telling Kevin that he doesn't believe angels have the equipment to care and when they try they breakdown.

So I can see how it never occurred to him about Cas being in love with him and why he'd continue to suppress his own emotions and try distracting them with countless women. Despite cutting down on the sexual conquests in the last few seasons because they probably didn't work much anymore as a distraction and he got a piece of the void filled with merely Cas's friendship.

Edited to add: (oh shit how could I forget to point out?! So the last time Dean canonically had sex was season 12 episode 18 while Cas was missing and Dean was extremely upset with him. Dean was trying to distract his feelings about Cas and it no longer worked in my opinion. He looked more distracted than usual and when he told Sam how his night was he had to say awesome 3 times like he was trying to convince himself. Hence the last time he sleeps with a woman. From this point on Dean doesn't have anymore one night stands. ...carry on...)

Without a doubt Dean was unsure if angels in general could actually fall in love and felt like it was less painful to not pursue a romantic relationship due to the job and how either one of them could die for any reason.

If Cas had been human and there were no more monsters and demons and supernatural shit to hurt and kill people I'm confident that they would've been hooking up. It would've ruled out the complicated job risks and made clear that Cas is capable of feeling romantic love for somebody.

The times that Dean was actually angry at Cas and not "pretend angry but actually worried" were because he was offended that Cas didn't trust him and that Cas took off without an explanation or response. It just added to Dean's fears of Cas being incapable of feeling true love for him because he's an angel.

When Dean prayed to Cas in season 15 I think he was going to finally confess he loved him. But time was of the essence. As it always is and then they never get a moment after that to really talk to each other until Cas confessed his love.

Edit: Can I check this one off?! Because it really does sound like Dean says, "I...(breathy pause) I-love...(huff pause) you-don't know why I get so angry." *thinks* Yeahhhh it counts dammit! ✅

The episode after Dean's confession is Garth showing him being with someone is possible with their complicated backgrounds and jobs and he dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss. Whether or not the lamp really is a stand in for Cas it definitely is a representation of something or someone Dean truly wants.

He yearns for sharing love with someone.

Edit: Can I sorta check this one off? Ehhhh...maybe??? The guy that plays Garth (sorry I don't want to misspell the actor's name) stated that there was hidden subtext for romantic love with Dean and another character. He didn't say the subtext was "lamp" though since he thought this scene was meant to be fun...but...I think maybe it still could be if he was unaware of it. Since I'm hearing the dance choreographer says there's deeper meaning.

In season 11 Dean asked Jesse and his husband Cesar about what was it like settling down with a hunter. He was thinking about it! He wanted to know not only for Sam but for himself as well! He asked a GAY COUPLE which clues me in on maybe because they made him think of him and Cas. Maybe subconsciously anyway.

Dean never gets the opportunity to express how he truly feels other than anger, forgiveness, and brotherly love towards people and that's some toxic masculinity bullshit!

When Cas left to the Empty Dean was completely breaking down not just because he lost Cas but because he felt he lost his only chance at a happy life with a significant other who understands him.

And then the next episodes made no fucking sense. Read a bit like "oh well now I'm relieved I didn't have to confess my deep love for a dude and can move on! Mmmmmm...pie!"

(my phone autocorrected to "mmmmmm... Pierre" and I was like 👀 even my phone's like Dean is bi and looking for a french dude to take his mind off Cas lolll)

So to summarize...Dean Winchester loves Castiel and the last 2 episodes is some outrageous bullshit and I'll never get over it unless by some miracle Jensen obtains the rights to the show and fixes it!

[pastelwitchling]

It’s that time of year again, folks. Goodness, that feels odd to say after so long. Watching this episode, I realized that I truly do not care about anyone except Alex, and occasionally the pod squad 😂 I’ve watched each of Alex’s scenes at least three times at this point, and watched Isobel mention Alex to Michael twice, but I did also watch the rest of the episode, so without further ado, grab a nice cup of tea, maybe a snack, because here are my (mostly Alex) thoughts on last night’s season 3 premiere.

I was bored watching everyone else 😅 I think a lot of it stemmed from frustration. I still cannot get over the fact that this whole narrative is treating Max like the one in the wrong when it’s undoubtedly Liz. I’m also not a fan of the storyline where the female character is just constantly fawned over by every handsome guy she meets. It seems like wherever Liz is, whoever she’s working with, they’re always so in love with her, singing her praises and doing everything for her. I just dislike it because it feels very much like pandering, like the woman would never survive if there was someone who acted like, you know, a human around her as oppose to a worshipper. It wasn’t a big thing, I just had to roll my eyes quite a bit.

Kyle. That man needs a break. Thank God, they were going with what I hoped, and ended his relationship with Steph in a throwaway line. That moment he shared with Isobel was so touching, I couldn’t stand it. Huh. Scratch that, I only care about Alex, malex, forlex, the pod squad, and Kyle. That kylex moment - I can’t. Please, God, let this season have so many more kylex moments. I also love kybel, I love their relationship. More Kyle, Alex, and Isobel please.

I don’t like Maria with Gregory. I want redemption for her, but I don’t think she can get that if they have her with another Manes. Just... keep her away from the Manes men. I do not want her near the Manes men. I’m not mortified by it, per say, but I do strongly dislike it right now. It might grow on me later, depending on how she acts.

I will say though I did appreciate the, “You know, Alex is back. Are you here to invite me to the wedding?” This was what I’d hoped from her from the beginning, supporting malex getting together! So long as they don’t mention an “ex” again throughout the show, I’ll be happy. The best thing they can do at this point is pretend the tragedy of season 2 never happened.

(Side note: I’d really love it if Maria stopped taking every chance she got to insult Michael. That’d be nice. Or if they’re going to do it, let someone call her out on it. Like, it’s okay if you scold a woman or give her a genuine flaw that people acknowledge. She’s not made of glass.)

Max looked so cute, I could die. Isn’t he just gorgeous when he’s all tortured? 😂😍❤ I love him. That moment when he listened to Liz’s recording had me near tears. He’s just so tired and so frightened and I think Nathan Dean really nailed the emotion. Have I said I love him yet? I love him. 

I enjoyed the pod squad moments, I love Michael and Max’s relationship, I love seeing Isobel and Michael work together to save Max, I love the family of it, it’s so heartwarming.

Now. Malex. Y’all. Words cannot express how I felt when Michael stopped in front of that shop window to fix his hair. That is some fanfic stuff I would write, my heart jumped, I had to hide my smile I felt so bashful, like I was suddenly intruding on a private moment. And then the way Michael reacted to Maria? I love how they showed he didn’t want nor could take any comfort in her. Not in animosity towards Maria (well, maybe a little), but in the fact that you just know she could never do that for him like Alex could and he wasn’t going to pretend otherwise anymore. I thought it was a bit of a missed opportunity with malex, as they could’ve had Michael show that he wanted and needed that comfort from Alex, but hopefully they’re just waiting to have a big scene with them in 3x03, since Alex isn’t in 3x02.

Forlex. The kisses, the moment in bed, Alex’s smirk when Forrest asked him if he got in okay (😱), my heart was thrashing. And, well, I won’t pretend my heart isn’t broken that it’s already over. I freaking love forlex, I love Forrest so much, hats off to Christian Antidormi who came in and really just knocked it out of the park. I think the show was made all the better, and Alex all the happier, for having had him. I’m not angry or too upset about it though, because I’ll still be writing the forlex merman  au bonus story, I’ll still love them together, and I’ll keep Forrest in my heart forever. Also, the missed opportunities with Wyatt Long they could’ve had, really emphasizing how both Alex and Forrest are the black sheep of their families -- it would’ve been brilliant.

Not to mention, as a storyteller myself, I do think it was a little rushed the way Deep Sky was explained and then Forrest leaving, but in truth, I guess I’ve just lived with forlex over the whole hiatus, I’ve written about them so often, that I feel like I spent the past year with them so the scene is very emotionally heavy to me, and I could feel and understand Alex’s tears at seeing this one man who had allowed him so much freedom to just be leaving like that for good.

I am, however, very hopeful for malex’s friendship this season. I do think, realistically, it would be much easier for them to get closer without Forrest there, but at the same time -- again, missed opportunity. The way Alex was already being given E Clearance, like the badass he is, I got goosebumps 🤩😍

I am feeling emotional, hopeful, inspired. I want to write like crazy, which -- as anyone who’s been following me lately and read about my mental breakdown may know -- is the greatest gift anyone could give me. And it all came from Alex, Forrest, and Malex. Who’s shocked? Not me.

I genuinely can’t wait to see what happens the rest of the episodes. I am ready for the (hopefully) wonderful and heartwarming surprises. Already, this season looks promising.

[wormstacheangel]

Day 9: Electric

Word Count: 1173 

I just thought it would be funny to write an oblivious Castiel.

-----

Cas was talking to a nice woman who took Dean’s spot from across the booth from him. Her name was - it was not of import he was just talking to her because Dean brought him to the bar again. Probably trying to get him laid but Cas just said yes so he can make sure Dean makes it home safely. 

The woman commented on his eyes and leaned forward to get a better look at them. It was obviously a flirtation as she was now way too close for human comfort and her eyes closed to kiss him but before Cas can make an excuse to leave the situation, Dean walks over to him with arms crossed. Led Zeppelin playing loudly from the jukebox where Dean was just standing.

“Dude, what are you doing?” 

Cas took a breath as the woman leaned back in her seat and luckily didn’t kiss him but he noticed that Dean who looked...angry? Confused? He wasn’t sure but he would have thought Dean would’ve been proud of him to be talking to someone. “You said we're here to get dates.”

“No.” Dean said the word slowly as he shook his head. “No. No, I said we're going on a date.”

“Oh.” Cas nodded looking away before his words hit him. Eyes widened as he looked back up to meet Dean’s hard pressed lips and raised eyebrows. “Oh!”

Cas watched as Dean sat back down across from him. He didn’t even notice when the woman left as he couldn’t keep his eyes off Dean’s frustrated and slightly embarrassed expression. His freckled cheeks were getting pinker as he ran his hand down his face. Looking down at the table instead of Cas’s bewildered face.

“Why would I tell you to get a date when we're dating?” 

Cas could feel his eyebrows scrunched up together as he asked, “We're dating?”

“What?” Dean finally looked up at him. His eyes bright but still showed some frustration as he searched Cas’s face to see if he was serious. Sadly, he was because this was all news to him and his heart can not take it if this was one big elaborate joke from the hunter. “Yeah, Cas! This is our fourth date.”

“It is?” Cas sounded like he just got the wind knocked out of him as he tried to remember the last three dates but came out empty. Sure they hung out alone before but that was per usual. Jack really doesn’t want to spend all his free time with his father figures and Sam liked his alone time, especially when he went to visit Eileen.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded as he looked at Cas baffled. His lips in a hard line as he continued. His voice low and deep as he leaned forward to stare at Cas. “Yeah, Cas, it is. I-I took you to that plant place yesterday. You said you liked the sunflowers. Remember? Dude, I held your hand the whole time!”

“I just thought you were worried about something. Your pulse was very fast.”

“Yeah. Well it was a date so I was nervous.” He looked down at the table as his shoulders hunched forward. His cute pointed ears turned pink. “ Well I thought it was a-” Then Dean quickly covered his face in his hands as he mumbled. “Wait. I've been kissing your cheek goodnight for the past week! What the hell you think was going on?”

Castiel shrugged as he played with his hands on top of the table. Waiting for Dean to meet his eyes again because everything felt unreal. He felt like a balloon and he’ll just float away from happiness alone so he needed Dean’s eyes to ground him. “You looked tired. I didn't think you knew what you were doing.”

“You didn't stop me.”

Cas reached over and without any effort he took Dean’s hands in his own as he softly answered. “Why would I do that? I’m sorry I didn’t notice I was just…” Cas took a breath, one he didn’t need but it felt so natural, as he looked down at Dean’s hands in his own. He played with Dean’s fingers as he continued to talk. “Sam was always smiling at you so I just thought you were teasing me.”

“No! No, Cas, I thought we were - fuck I thought I made it clear. I kept asking you out. And holding your hand. You kept saying yes to the dates so I just thought you felt the same way but maybe you- I’m sorry, man. Sam told me you felt the same way and then the kid agreed so I figured I'll just go for it and when you said yes I thought-”

Cas looked up at Dean to meet his stare as he quickly wanted to get rid of Dean’s worries and doubts. “Dean, I love you.”

Dean blinked at him as his shoulders relaxed. A smile slowly spreading across his face that made his green eyes become a bright meadow that no heaven can compare to. So warm and soft. “You do?”

“Of course I do. I just,” Cas took a hold of Dean’s hands as he tried to wrap his mind on what was actually happening. The end of the world was long gone and there was no threat looming over their heads but here he was talking about his feelings opening with Dean. Dean’s fingers interlocking with his own in a public bar that Dean was a happy regular in. “I never thought you would feel more about me than brotherly love. But I love you differently from Sam and even Jack. For them I would die for. But you, Dean, for you I would fight to live for.”

Dean chuckled as he looked down at their hands for a second or two before leaning across the table to press a first kiss on Cas’s lips. Cas wasn’t expecting it and because he knew this was a romantic kiss, that Dean Winchester was his...boyfriend? He really couldn’t help it when he lost control for a quick second and the electricity went out. 

Shattered glass everywhere from the lightbulbs to the good stuff on the top shelf. Dean laughed as he fell back on his side of the booth, not letting go of one of Cas’s hands, as he looked around at the other patrons of the bar who looked scared out of their mind. 

“Was that you?” He asked a grin in his voice as they were now surrounded by darkness.

A sheepish, “I’m sorry.” came out of Cas as he could feel himself warm up in embarrassment. 

Then Dean went around to share the same side of the booth with Cas. He reached over to take Cas’s face in between his warm rough hands, his forehead softly falling against Cas’s own.

“Can you stop picking up people on our date, Cas?”

“Of course, Dean.”

“Good.” Then Dean’s lips were on his again and Cas couldn’t help it when thunder shook the clear night sky.

[amwritingmeta]

15x20: Oh fuck it’s actually really good. Dammit Dabb.

So I slept. And waking up the first thought in my head was... but there is this open ending with them all in Heaven and Cas not a stated angel even, just a helper to Jack...

And then I felt the need to watch the episode again. Because of how I’ve said, perhaps not for always, but often enough, that this show of ours was never about Destiel, was never about Dean and Cas’ love story, and beginning to hope that the ending would be focused on them... it wasn’t fair. Not really. And I remembered reading somewhere that a big chunk of the internet accepted Cas’ death as final, and seeing posts to that effect and thinking LUDICROUS and NO WAY and knowing all along that it could all be denial on my part.

And oh boy was it. 

I know there were plenty of us who kept that hope alive, and I’m thankful for you, but I made myself believe that he’d be back because I couldn’t imagine he’d die like that, or that the love story would end unreciprocated like that. And I guess, in a way, it still did, BUT... in another way, it really didn’t. 

It��s not enough. Subtext is not the representation I’ve always hoped for, but it wasn’t just erased either. And we got as much as we could get, because obviously Dean being textually bi and us getting an I Love You out of him was just never going to get green lit by the studio.

I’ve always believed the writers would’ve gone there if allowed. I think Cas’ love declaration underlines that they would’ve. But they weren’t given the opportunity, and I’ll lament it until the end of time, but it is what is.

What we did get, though, is quite beautiful. No, listen, IT IS.

There’s the emotional substitute Miracle Dog, getting so much LOVE from Dean, which I know most of us all went the big awwww at, no matter what we thought of the rest of the ep. 

There’s the healthy way Dean is dealing with the loss of Cas, and of Jack, knowing that pain will never go away, and accepting it. Accepting it because he’s feeling worthy of moving on without them. He’s no longer attaching his self-image to the perceived failure of protecting others. He’s letting them go, believing that they may meet somewhere further down the road.

But looking at the finale for what it is, rather than for what I wanted it to be (cardinal sin omfg my emotions really ran away with me and I wish I could’ve been more level headed and come on here with this positivity and calm) (but) (no dice) (anyway) it’s just beautiful how Cas is in the background, not waiting, not really, because he’s busy preparing Heaven and fixing his home in ways that will actually mean peace AND freedom when the brothers are done.

Something Cas would not have been able to do if he’d not fallen in love with Dean. If he’d not gone through his journey. I mean. Those implications are highly satisfying. 

Last night all I could think, ALL I could think, was that it’s not ENOUGH.

But it has to be. Because it’s not dismissive. It’s not erasing anything. It’s the same subtextual thread we’ve always been pulling on, and it’s there for us to continue to pull on, and that’s a goddamn gift.

I wish that 15x18 hadn’t been quite so in our face “kill your gays” buuuuuuuut that’s if you’re surface watching, yeah? Cas isn’t dead, for starters, and everyone was, obviously, brought back when Jack took Chuck’s power, so even if it wasn’t visually established that Stevie and Charlie are back and thriving, it’s narrative fact that they must be. What it is, more than anything else, is what I read it as to begin with: a love letter to the love story, where we get the subtext of couples loosing each other so strongly stated that there’s no way we’re not meant to understand that Dean losing Cas is within that exact same context.

We didn’t get textual Destiel, but we did get the love story textually confirmed through Cas’ declaration, and we did get it subtextually confirmed, not hinted, subtextually confirmed through all those other couples losing each other, that the love story EXISTS there, on that level, for us. 

Oh guys I feel so sad that I was so SAD yesterday. Why didn’t I just take a breath?? Guys, guys, guys, there’s such BEAUTY.

And Jensen.

Jensen in how he played that death scene. Jensen who kept it so even, so gentle, so... brotherly. These brothers have been through hell. Dean ending this way... it’s a travesty, but it also means he meant to go to the place where he doesn’t have to hope to see Cas again--because he will see Cas again.

And why didn’t Cas come right back to Dean once he was out of the Empty, why did he go off with Jack to fix Heaven?

I would say that it’s another underlining of Cas’ independence, and this his entire focus isn’t Dean, but, of course, I would assume the thought of Dean is ever present, and the rearranging of Heaven is as much about making sure Dean gets that freedom, as well as that peace, once he’s done as it is about Cas simply not being able to stand for souls being trapped in their memories anymore. Cas knows how to fix Heaven. I mean... that’s a fucking gorgeous and highly satisfying ending to his individual arc. And he’s with Jack!

Like. I mean. That implication that Cas is fixing Heaven with Dean at the back of his mind is quite head-exploding to me. And yeah, sure, that’s how I’m interpreting it, but all the ingredients for that delicious pie is left right there for us in this ending.

What about the legacy issue? What about found family? What about Dean finding happiness in death? What about Dean opening himself up to love?

Yeah, it’s not without issues, depending on how we interpret these things. Do I believe Dabb set out to write an offensive, horrifying, deeply problematic ending to this show and pretty much hand it over to the side of this fandom that has always been the... well, shall we say, less stabile? 

No. I kept saying yesterday that I just didn’t understand what happened, I didn’t understand why our writers room would choose THIS ending, I couldn’t fit the pieces together. That was on me, not on them. Get me?

Interpretation is deeply subjective. It’s personal. And it’s tainted. Always tainted, guys, and there’s no way around that. It’s not perfect and it’s not absolute and all the writers can hope for is that their core message will get across strongly enough to avoid misunderstanding.

I misunderstood the intention yesterday because my interpretation was tainted by what I wanted and felt I needed from this narrative.

For years I’ve refused to put expectation on the story because I know what that does to one’s perspective. It’s futile to engage with hopes and wishes on a deeper level because the show will never deliver exactly what you want. It’s delivered stuff in the ballpark enough times for me to dance alongside it, but to place so much expectation on this finale was just... oh man. Bad. 

I take full responsibility. :)

What about the legacy issue?

The legacy is that you live the best life you can and you end up in happiness, with the people you care about. You LIVE. Nothing about Dean’s death is prescribing dying to get what you want. We have it established that Dean is not suicidal in any way, that he’s mentally stabile and that he’s carrying on without Cas, even though he thinks about him. Not living would make the sacrifice pointless.

What about found family?

Found family was meant to be a part of this ending, but due to COVID (I’m assuming along with everyone) we didn’t get a collection of oldies and goodies at the Roadhouse. We got a father figure to signal the father/son thread that this finale was pulling on, a thread always tied so tightly around Dean and Sam and underlined for us in this episode. The codependency finally broken because they were ready to let each other go. Not forever, because that would’ve been tragic, but for now.

What about Dean finding happiness in death?

The implications of Dean having to die to be happy are quite dark, I know that, but he was never going to hang it up. Not entirely, right? He would never be able to rest on Earth. And he’s always afraid. So instead of spending a lifetime alone, growing into a crusty Bobby (who lost the love of his life too early too), Dean got to go to the place where his happiness actually is. He got to go where Cas is.

I mean, that’s my interpretation here, but rather than set both brothers up with a love life and families and all that, we got a Dean who’s lost the love of his life and is dealing with that loss as best as he can, but who is also ready to go when it’s his time. He wasn’t expecting it to be right then, that day, and he says as much, but he’s ready. As long as Sam is ready to let him go. And Sam isn’t, but he does, and Sam deals with that loss, and finds his way into life and living and loving and happiness in a way that Dean simply wouldn’t have been able to. Because he lost the love of his life.

And Dean waited for Sam to show because of course he would. Sam was the only thing missing: Cas, and Jack, and everyone else Dean has ever loved and cared about, were already in Heaven. For the show to go on, Sam had to return too.

Hope.

That hopeful ending that I, and so many, many of us, have always wanted. Sure, everyone’s DEAD, which, you know, bummer, but they are at peace, they are together, and they are done sacrificing, bleeding and dying. Isn’t that remarkable? Isn’t that the greatest reward? Love and happiness and togetherness. Forever!

And for this fandom, we got what we hoped we’d get, right? An ending open enough for us to keep returning to this narrative over and over and over.

Let me formally apologise for the despair of yesterday. For all of you still feeling it, I send you so much love. Know I understand, I honestly do, but I hope, perhaps, some of these words will offer a sliver of comfort.

So, this is first impression based on second watch of 15x20 positivity. Let me know if anything hits right or hits wrong and let’s talk. <3

[cooloddball]

Hi I went through few cons and I actually got my heart broken a little bit. Every one of them had Jensen denying the idea of Destiel or Dean being anything but the American male fantasy.

Vancon 2012 J2 panel he avoids the fan who is screaming Destiel. I understand that because he was going through something Misha shaped during 2012. Destiel was the last thing he wanted in his life then.

The controversial NJCon 2013 where he pretty much rudely avoids the Bi Dean question. I mean come on there were so many ways to back down there but just giving into that crowd like that and shooting down that girl who asked the question? I know she actually explained what happened there but he is saying things to convey he is unhappy where that question is heading. JP who is considered the immature even is considering answering the question the girl is continuously apologising it is a horror show there while Jensen is just being plain rude.

Jib 2014 solo panel where he is asked if Dean will ever get his pie. And he denies Cas ever being there at the end of the line. And ironically at the end, he was only there with all kinds of pie but no Cas. Amazing how life worked out for him.

Jib 2015 solo panel where he again denies both CasDean and Destiel from Fan Fiction episode. JPad was not there and Jensen was in a bad mood so maybe it had something to do with that.

Chicon 2016 he again invalidates Cas when a question is asked about him Cas and Mary.

TorCon 2016 where both Js are denying Cas's importance saying there's no necessity for him.

JaxCon 2017 he pretty much shoots down Destiel by saying Destiel doesn't exist.

In JaxCon 2018 he wrote NO infront of Bi Dean research paper a fan showed him.

Jibcon 2019 he asks audience Where does Destiel exist. but I think he was much like teasing the audience there tbh. No major harm but it still hurts.

I just.. I truly believe he knows what he and Misha were doing in the Destiel implied scenes. And now the cat is pretty much out of the bag. But still Jensen is pretty much staying on his ground and it is nice he is now more open for interpretation but the strength this fandom should have to forgive him for all he did...

I believe in Karma. I think Karma got to Jensen eventually for all hurt he did by those words to the fandom. I don't hate Jensen in fact I really adore the guy. But it doesn't mean I am not upset by his words. How I think Karma worked here is that he never embraced what he was portraying as a character and Karma finally said "Okay Dude enough foreplay.. You want pie okay here's pie and your car now die and be in heaven and your character arc is in garbage but your brother gets to live. There goes your male fantasy.."

I understand if he had internalized sexuality issues of himself that he didn't feel like exposing by talking about Dean and Destiel but still there are much better ways to shoot down fan opinions without being so rude.

In 2014 he pretty much says that at the end of the series Dean might get all kinds of pie with no Castiel and...Geez Is it not what exactly happened? No Cas and Pie on his face. Accidental foreshadowing spoilers..

I think he got Karma for hurting so many fan hearts and denying something he evidently portrayed in his character. At the end he didn't get a happy ending he got robbed by his own show. While the shippers actually got something out of it Thanks to Misha.

I don't need Jensen to embrace Destiel in an open hug because not in any universe that's gonna happen. I actually hoped he would eventually be open to it. He actually might be, considering his reaction to episode 18. But there's no proof actually footage of him saying anything positive about Destiel. It just... is such a bummer.

I know Jensen is hurt for his own reasons by his own show which actually hurt him in ways no fan ever did. I hope he understands how fans feel now being betrayed by a show they love.

May be he had the Karma coming..

Wow. I-

Hmm. This was super long and I read each and every word of it. However, I feel like maybe you are a Jensen anti. Maybe you are not but that's the vibe I got as I read all this.

First of all I am a Dean girl since the pilot. I love Dean. I watched the show because of Dean. Even before I knew about Destiel, I loved Dean. When Cas showed up, I still loved Dean and to me, Cas was a part of Dean somehow, it just always felt that way.

Secondly. I love Jensen and Misha. I know some people don't like Jensen because of Destiel but I like him and I know he has said something's about the topic but truth is, I get why he did that.

Thirdly, I don't think Karma has anything to do with Dean's death. What they did to Dean was fucked up. Jensen doesn't write the show or control the direction that the show went. That is up to the network, the producers and the writers. Period. So, No. Karma had nothing to do with Dean's end. Jensen protested a lot about the ending. We all know why they did it. It's been talked about x10000000000.

Lastly, on the issue of Jensen and Destiel.

Jensen has on numerous occassions that he doesn't think Cas feels things the way human beings feel things. I believe Dean was on love with Cas but he wasn't sure whether Cas felt the same way because he's an angel.

Bi Dean. Not to discredit anyone but the notion that Jensen would deny that Dean was bi because of his own sexuality crisis irl feels like an insult to Jensen as an actor. I saw once an anti Cas/Misha person say that the way Dean hugged Cas in 12x09 was because Jensen hates Misha. Make it make sense. That is an insult to Jensen. There are directors and writers involved. Jensen doesn't get to decide how he wants to hug Cas or Sam. Yes, they have a right of input sometimes but it is very rarely. And thinking personal feelings would affect his acting or portrayal of Dean is truly a moot point. There are so many actors with feuds irl but when they are performing you would never know. Please let's not insult Jensen like that. He deserves an Emmy for playing Dean so well all these years.

Jensen denied Destiel and Bi Dean because it was never explicitly said he actually was bi or was in love with Cas. However, it is there in subtext. I could list all those instances but I'm guessing you already know all those instances from your research on various cons as indicated in the ask. I believe Jensen knew how he played Dean as bi and as in love with Cas. However, if he said "Yeah, Dean is bi and is in love with cas" then the show doesn't explicitly confirm it, then what. You would all start call him a liar and a panderer like many have called Misha. So he just said what was there. Do you remember Metatron's monologue in s9? What makes a story great, is it the text or the subtext? To me, it's both. To others it's the text while for others it's the subtext.

The network and producers. These are I believe the people who decide what the fans want and how to make money from the show. So if they believe textually confirming Destiel canon or bi Dean would've lined their pockets they would've done it. If watched the show, s12 was pretty gay. It's the gayest of all seasons followed by s15.

Anyway, I have a feeling that you might be an anti destiel or anti Jensen person trying to pose as destiel shipper. I honestly don't know. All I can tell you is that I am a Jensen Ackles apologist and I believe he did as much as the network would let him in terms of letting us see that Dean was in love with Cas.

12x23, 13x01-13x06,15x03,15x09,15x18. There's so much but I am neither a destiel meta writer or a film/tv critic so there's not much I can say. But please Jensen is a good man and I think people asking him over and over again about Destiel when he knew he couldn't give them the answers they wanted got to him and he had to shut it down. Maybe sometimes he was rude but he's only human.

[mittensmorgul]

Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was “destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers. 

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

[themoonandotherslikeit]

Breathe - Chapter Three

After the biggest meeting of her career, Y/N went for a drink and met him. Dean Winchester, the handsome bartender at The Shop, who managed to say all of the right things to soften her hard shell. Was it possible that Y/N was wrong all of this time? Had she spent the better part of 2 decades focusing on her career when there was one man in a city of 18 million that could make her feel more alive than any job ever could? Will she be able to slow down long enough to let herself fall in love with a man that was never a part of the plan? After years of holding her breath, will she finally let herself breathe again?

This story is written for my beautiful and talented friend and beta @dean-winchesters-bacon, thanks for always inspiring me and supporting my whims. Love you always.

Banner by the talented @talesmaniac89

Chapter Three

Her

Y/N woke up groggy with a pressure on the inside of her skull threatening to crack her head open and spill everything out. Her temples throbbed insistently and a wave of nausea hit her as soon as she opened her eyes. The gloomy, dark skies hid the sun from bleeding in through the open curtains, but it still felt too bright for her hangover. Everything felt slow and sluggish, like she was trying to walk under water. 

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and a streak of mascara darkened her skin. She rarely forgot to take off her makeup, and she knew her skin would punish her for it later. She yawned and squinted at the window. She didn’t usually leave her black out curtains up… in fact, she never opened them. 

There are moments that are subtle, brief and fleeting like the first flake of snow of the season. Sometimes they go completely unnoticed and unremembered. Other moments are big, grand, powerful enough to move mountains and change a person’s life forever.

As Y/N looked around the apartment, her surroundings coming together like a puzzle that finally clicked together seamlessly, she experienced one of those astronomical, mounting moving moments. 

This was not her apartment.

“The fuck…” 

Quickly orienting herself, she tried to find any kind of identifying information to tell her where she ended up and who she may have gone home with. It was not like her to be so reckless. 

The apartment was tidy, but, by the simple decor and smell of the sheets she was able to discern that the apartment definitely belonged to a man. She pinched the bridge of her nose to quiet an oncoming headache. She didn’t even remember a man from the night before that she could’ve gone home with. Oh how the mighty have fallen, she thought solemnly. 

She glanced under the blanket that was hiding her bottom half, happy to find that she still had her dress and panties in place. She had to admit, though, that the situation was confusing. She didn’t have sex last night, that she was fairly sure of, but in that case… Why was she in a strangers apartment? It didn’t make any sense. 

She slipped out of bed, finding her heels resting neatly on the floor next to the bed, placed with care. 

Who would take her home and just tuck her into bed? That was something a friend did, or a boyfriend. Her stomach twisted as Sam’s face flashed in her mind. His kind hazel eyes wrinkling at the edges as he smiled at her. He would take care of her in that way without question, and that thought terrified her. She’d avoided his apartment for so long for that exact reason. She couldn’t risk him getting the wrong idea. 

She picked up her shoes, not wanting to risk clicking on the hardwood floors and alerting the mystery man. As she poked her head around the room separator she was hit with the smell of cooking. Her mouth watered immediately at the savory smell of meat sizzling on the stove and something sweet that she couldn't quite place. Y/N did not cook. Her kitchen was purely aesthetic. She wouldn't even know how to turn her oven on, let alone use it, so the smells were new and warming. If the food tasted as good as it smelled, she may have a reason not to sneak out after all. Her stomach growled in agreement, and she resisted the urge to shush it. 

“Oh good, you’re awake,” a voice said, gruffly and familiar. Her eyes followed the sound of the voice and caught his green eyes from across the apartment. 

The bartender! You went home with the goddamn bartender?! You’re better than this, Y/N. You aren’t twenty anymore. 

“Yes. Thank you for your hospitality,” she said, her voice strained and awkward. 

A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth and his eyebrow quirked in response. “I’m almost done with breakfast. Do you have time to have a seat?” 

She shifted her weight awkwardly. The mix of her own vulnerability, the smell of bacon grease, a hangover, and how undeniably attractive he was had her reeling. The answer should’ve been no immediately. She had enough problems without adding a man to the mix, but yet there she was, considering it. 

“You good, Y/N?” 

The sound of her name snapped her out in an instant. Her shoulders rolled back, and her grip tightened on her heels. “I’m fine. I should get going.”

“Big day?” he asked, his eyes flashing with something mischievous. 

“Every day is a big day if you make it big.” 

“That sounds exhausting.” He pulled a pan off the stove. “Do you ever have days where you do nothing?” 

She squinted at him. This guy is kidding, right? “That doesn’t sound very productive.” 

“So I guess that’s a no,” he said with a chuckle. “You should try it. No plans. Just relax and go with the flow.” 

“Don’t you have to plan to have a day like that? So it’s not really without a plan.”

“You got me there.” Dean laughed, crossing his arms. “Do you always plan out your own days?” 

“Yes. What kind of question is that?” 

“I was just wonderin’ if you ever let anyone else plan things for you.” He shrugged. 

“Absolutely not.” 

He walked toward her, his height overcoming her as he approached. He wore a pair of jeans, socked feet, and a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt. His hair was messy from sleep, but his eyes were wide, awake, and engaged. “Are you afraid to lose control?” 

“No.” Yes. 

“Let me plan a day for you, Y/N.” His voice was silky and thick like honey, tickling her cheeks as he brushed her hair behind her ear. Her eyes flickered up to meet his, feeling taken aback from his sudden intensity. She half expected her skin to catch fire from the electricity bouncing between their chests to the beat of her racing heart. 

“Dean I…” 

“Hey, before you say anything hear me out,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender. Her lips pressed together, giving him only a moment to make his case - which was more than she allowed most people. “I know you’ve got all the reasons in the world to say no. You don’t know me, you have no reason to trust me, but you’re a professional. I can see that, hell anyone can see it just by lookin’ at you. Y/N, you should know that there is risk in the world, and you could miss out on some of the best things in life if you don’t take it. Someone took a chance on you once, didn’t they?” 

He was breathing heavily, obviously a little worked up, and the sight of his body twisted up in ragged breaths sent a chill up her spine. The risk he was talking about was not the same thing as her job, as law school, as every tough case she had ever taken. He was out of line trying to make it seem like they were even on the same plane of reality. Even though she knew all of that, she still found herself wanting the impossible, the outrageous. 

“Take a risk on me, Y/N.”

She wanted a life that could move mountains. She always had. She wanted to say yes. 

Dean

Later

“Hold up, hold up. You’re going on a date?” 

Dean shrugged, running his fingers through his hair in the bathroom mirror, unable to keep one spot from sticking straight up. “I don’t know if it’s a date or not. I’m just gonna give her some fun. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” 

“So it is a date.” 

“Sammy, you need to relax,” Dean said, waving his younger, half brother away. Dean’s parents had divorced after he was born, and a year later Dean’s mom fell in love with Sam’s dad, and the boys had been together ever since. “My romantic life isn’t your concern.” 

“Sure it is,” Sam said with a laugh, sitting on Dean’s bed. He moved the room divider when he’d entered the apartment to give himself somewhere comfortable to sit, and was currently lounging across the large mattress. “I don’t want you to die alone.” 

“Nobody is dyin’.” 

“We are all dying, Dean. Technically.” 

“You’re insufferable.” 

“I don’t see your point,” Sam said with a frown, his eyebrows coming together. 

“How’s mom?” 

“She’d like to see you.” 

Dean exhaled sharply from his nose. He didn’t see Mary nearly enough. She lived out in New Jersey and it still felt like a betrayal to his dad going out to visit her frequently. Plus, he spent most of his days in The Shop. There was always an excuse, even though none of them seemed good enough. “Miss her too.” 

“You should call her.” 

Dean poked his head out of the bathroom to eye his brother. “I don’t need a lecture, Sammy.” 

“Hey you asked.” His brother was quiet for a beat before sitting up. “So… I got the case.” 

“What?! Why didn’t you lead with that! I would’ve taken the night off to take you out to celebrate. This is huge news!”

“Wait, you’re going to work? I thought you were going on a date?”

Dean shrugged, “She said I could have her time Sunday morning. From eight to ten thirty.” 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You want to go out with someone that stringent?” 

Dean shoulders lifted again, “Guess so.” He walked out and sat next to his brother. “But this isn’t about me. I’m really proud of you, brother. You’ve worked really hard for this.” 

Sam’s cheeks reddened a bit, and he reached behind his head, scratching his neck awkwardly. “Thanks. I’ve really been trying, and I’m excited for the opportunity. I know they’re taking a chance on me and it means a lot.” 

“They’re making the right choice, Sammy. You’re damn good at your job. It’s too late for me to get a replacement, but come by, and I’ll get you dinner and drinks on the house.” 

“I’ll just ride with you then. We can split a cab.” 

Dean grinned at his brother, squeezing his shoulder. “You got it, kid.” 

He could still see little Sammy with his bright eyes staring up at him. He had all of these grand dreams that were so big. For a while he wanted to be president, and Dean believed that he could do it. Sam had the heart and the drive to do anything he put his mind to, maybe that was the draw Dean  had to Y/N. She reminded him of the same fire he saw in his brother. 

“What about the woman you’re talking to?” 

Sam let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. “I dunno Dean. She might hate me.” 

“She’d be stupid to hate you, kid. You’re a goddamned catch.” He slid his wallet and phone in his pocket, and offered a hand to Sammy so he could pull him up. “Fight for her. That’s all you can do.” 

His little brother looked up at him knowingly and nodded, clasping their hands together. He pulled Sam up, looking up at his younger brother who towered over him by at least three inches. “I will,” Sam agreed, “I’ll fight for her. 

“Good. Now let's go get you a drink.” 

“Or five.”

“Or five.” 

Her

“Give me your hand.” 

Y/N raised her eyebrow before offering her palm. 

The fiery red head in front of her consisted of her one guilty pleasure in this world. Rowena McCloud. The self proclaimed witch was cheaper than a therapist any day of the week, and she provided tea leaves that were usually the only thing, other than two fingers of whiskey, that put Y/N to sleep after a long, stressful day. 

Rowena ran her long manicured nails along the lines of Y/N’s palms. “You’ve met someone.” 

Here she goes again. Why did I even come here? Y/N asked herself every time that she came to the tea shop for a visit. Why did she come? She knew the answer, but saying it out loud was too fucking pathetic for words. 

She had no friends, and her relationship with her mother was strained at best. So who else was she supposed to talk to about her issues? She could always ignore them, but that was like cutting wires at random, just hoping the one she was cutting wasn’t the trip wire that would explode her entire life. Bottling up emotions caused frown lines and acne break-outs, and she was too damn old for pimples. So she’d ended up with a Scottish witch examining her love line a little too closely. 

“Have not.” 

“Oh come on, Y/N, you have.” Her green eyes flickered up to meet Y/N’s, her red painted lips curled into an ornery smirk. “I can tell. You’re flushed. What’s his name.” 

“There is no him.”

“Fine. Then what’s her name.” 

Y/N pulled her hand away and crossed her arms in annoyance. “Give me a break, Rowena.”

“I cannot, I'm afraid, but I can make you tea.” 

“Fine.” She couldn’t help but smile as the woman turned away. Even twenty-plus years her senior, they still meshed well together. She looked at her as a second mother, or even better, a friend. If she knew how to have those, of course. 

“Why did you come here?” 

“I didn’t get the promotion.” 

“Ah.” 

“You don’t seem surprised,” Y/N said, a bite to her words. “I deserved it.” 

“Of course you did,” Rowena said smoothly as she poured a dark, steeped liquid into the small tea cup. “But you’ll have something better.” 

“If you say love I’m going to come across this table and smack you.”

The witch laughed at that, the skin crinkling around her eyes in amusement. “I was going to say sex.” 

“I am having sex,” she said with a huff. 

“Not sex that you enjoy.” 

It was a bold statement. A bold statement that Y/N wasn’t confident that she could disagree with. She thought she enjoyed it, but she never had anything outside of other meaningless connections to compare it to. She’d never wanted more, though. Her one love was her job and that’s how it was always supposed to be. At least before her job royally fucked her. Maybe it was time she started thinking about herself, instead of the firm. 

“I enjoy sleeping with him.” 

“You hesitated, love. It’s mighty okay to be unsatisfied. Well, it isn’t okay, but it’s normal. You don’t have to stand for it.” 

She waved Rowena off dismissively, “It’s fine.” 

Rowena shook her head, her deep red curls bouncing. “Oh sweetie. It shouldn't be fine. It should be electric, hot, passionate. You aren’t living your best life if your sex is just fine.” Her green eyes flashed as she grinned. “You must’ve not slept with him yet, or you wouldn’t be so casual.” 

“You’re obsessed.” 

“Aren’t you? You said yes to him, after all.”

“I had to get him off my back. He was persistent. He wouldn’t take no as an answer.” 

Take a risk on me, Y/N.

“You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can’t lie to me.” Rowena tapped the lip of the cup with her index finger. “It’s all in the leaves.” 

Y/N looked down into the cup that she hadn’t even noticed she’d been sipping. The mushed, wet leaves were at the bottom of her cup, and maybe she just had it on the mind or maybe Rowena was right and magic was in the air, but she could’ve sworn that they looked just like a heart. Lumpy, misshapen, but like one nonetheless. 

Dean

Part of Dean worried that she wouldn’t show. That would be his luck. Maybe he would deserve it after being a little too intense. Take a chance on me. Who the fuck did he think he was? He didn’t normally come off that strong. 

She wouldn’t let him pick her up. “What if you’re a serial killer?” Evidently he hadn’t earned her trust yet, even though he was a perfect gentleman the night before. “A woman can’t be too safe, Dean.” He liked the way she said his name. She sounded annoyed, but amused at the same time. She couldn’t quite keep up the unimpressed expression. He made it a personal goal to make her smile more than she frowned. She’d look amazing with laugh lines. Everyone should have them. 

Lisa often complained about the lines on her face, and she painted makeup over them to hide the creases and curves. Dean had loved them. They told the story of her life. Laugh lines showed a long, happy life full of laughter and joy. He could never understand why she would want to hide them. It was beyond him. 

He was meeting Y/N in front of the restaurant.  He held two disposable cups in one hand and a paper bag in the other, leaning against the building. He watched people stroll past. They weren’t watching their surroundings, constantly staring straight forward. That was the downside to New York City, no one was interested in the now. All they cared about was the next thing. He supposed it made sense that no one stopped to smell the roses in a city made of steel and concrete. There were no flowers to smell, only exhaust. 

Dean, on the other hand, believed in things that were beautiful. There was always something good to see.

In front of him, a woman bundled her baby in a ball of blue, fluffy blanket to keep him protected from the autumn chill. A man jogged with his dog, whose tongue was out, having the time of his life. A man in a suit, who kissed a woman goodbye as he stepped out of a cab. And her. 

Y/N stood across the street, fumbling around her purse for something. He could see her eyebrows furrow even from that distance. She wore a pair of black pants tucked into black boots and a long burgundy sweater. A curl fell into her eye, the rest of her hair tucked into a wide-brimmed hat. She looked different than she had the day before, and he took note of everything about her to add to his mental collection right next to the way she looked first thing in the morning, how she looked when she was angry, and the way her voice sounded when she was drunk. He was excited to learn all he could about her. What was her favorite food? What was her ideal temperature? How did she like her coffee? 

He wanted to know her, even with the high probability that she would hurt him. He figured that pain was something, and something had to be better than the emptiness he’d been feeling. Pain at least meant that he was still alive. 

—————————————

Chapter Four

Masterlist

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[deans-haunted-baby]

The Ones Left Behind

Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.

Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.

And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.

But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.

*WARNING* This is going to get heated.

Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.

You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester? 

You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names? 

You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?

You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?

NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT! 

Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building. 

As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.

Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR. 

Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious. 

When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.

For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!

AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? 

The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them. 

That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶

And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.

Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT. 

Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”.  I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it? 

At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡

We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.

But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo. 

So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?  

SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.

Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day. 

ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

Frenzy

Summary: After Sam gets involved in a car accident Dean finds himself in an utter frenzy. Thankfully Cas shows up just at the right time.

Word Count: 1830

Tags: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

Written for the @writersofdestiel​‘s “The Day They First Met” Prompt Week

It's been five days.

Five days since Dean got the call from the hospital informing him about the car crash his little brother got involved into because some asshole ignored a red light. Five days since he dropped everything and rushed to Sam's side in a hurry, almost ending in an accident on his way there himself 'cause panic and fear nearly blinded him for anything else.

Five days since he got told by doctors that Sam was “in a serious but stable condition”. Five days since he didn't allow himself even a minute of rest.

They left Sam in a coma for the first three days due to his head injuries. Dean sat with him the entire time and actually snarled at people when they tried to bring up things like visitation hours or self care or whatever. He probably would've even forgotten to eat something altogether if the nurses wouldn't have pushed some food and water into his hands from time to time. He just had no time to think about anything else but his baby brother looking so small and vulnerable in that sterile hospital bed.

By the third day they woke him up and even though Sam remained quite loopy for a while he recovered remarkably quickly. At least fast enough to start scolding Dean for not wasting one single thought on himself.

On the fifth day they finally managed to kick him out of the hospital. Dean was, of course, rather reluctant at first, but when the doctors, very rightfully, mentioned that Sam could be out quite soon and would need someone to look out for him in the right environment because someone with a concussion and two broken legs, which would require him to use a wheelchair at least for a little while, needed extra care Dean eventually found himself driving back to his apartment to prepare for that event.

His place might not be all that much, but his complex's got a rather spacious elevator – contrary to Sam's nerdy loft downtown – and his apartment allows enough room at least in the most important spots for Sam to maneuver. Bathroom, guest room, living room. Only the kitchen might be a problem, but since Sam is prone to set an oven on fire just by looking at it Dean isn't really keen on letting him inside that room anyway, no matter the consequences.

So it comes that he's currently changing the sheets in his spare room when the doorbell rings.

Dean is inclined to ignore it at first, so not in the mood to deal with anyone at this point, but the person on the other side of the door is rather persistent and eventually even switches to an impatient knocking, making it absolutely impossible to blend out.

Dean growls and swiftly opens the door, more than determined to let out all the frustration and anger from the last few days on the person in the hallway because he's just classy like that.

But the words die in his throat as he sees himself face to face with Cas.

“Cas?” he croaks, so overwhelmed by the expected sight of his best friend he doesn't even know how to cope.

“You tried to ignore me, didn't you?” Cas narrows his eyes before pushing himself inside, suitcase right behind him. “You're getting way too predictable.”

Dean simply stares after him in a daze, wondering if he's dreaming or not.

“Aren't you supposed to be in Alaska?” he blurts out in the end.

Cas casually parks his suitcase in the hall before walking to the living room. “I was, yes. And now I'm here.”

For a moment Dean gapes at the luggage, frozen on the spot, and eventually follows his friend. “Did you just come right from the airport or do you intend to move in here?”

Cas' lips curl upwards. “Both.”

Dean blinks in confusion. “What?”

Cas sits down on the couch and pats the spot next to him in invitation. Dean considers refusing at first, to keep some distance between them, but in the end he's utterly helpless against the pull drawing him near this man who became everything to him somewhere along the way.

Not that he ever dared to voice that out loud, though.

“I'm sorry it took me so long to come back home,” Cas says as Dean drops onto the sofa cushions beside him. “I actually wanted to set out the second I heard about Sam, but the whole thing turned way more complicated than I anticipated.”

Dean clears his throat, chiding himself not to say anything stupid. “But … what about your book tour?”

Cas had been touring the US and the better part of Canada for several weeks now. And even though Dean had missed him terribly he's been so happy and proud of Cas' accomplishments. Cas had been rather successful with his writing for quite a while now, but his latest publication went through the roof faster than anyone could've imagined and he became high demand more or less over night. The book tour only one of many things on his tight schedule.

“You weren't supposed to be back for another four weeks,” Dean points out because yes, he kept a close eye on these things. “I don't want you to miss out –”

“Do you really think a book tour would be more important to me than Sam and you?” Cas asks incredulously.

Dean presses his lips into a thin line. “No, of course not,” he hurries to clarify. “But as I told you, Sam's gonna be alright –”

“I can easily reschedule the rest of the tour,” Cas cuts in with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Didn't you hear? I'm a world famous writer now, I can do whatever I want.”

A laugh bursts out of Dean's chest.

The first one in five days.

Damn, how he missed having Cas around.

“So … you wanna move in?” he wonders, nodding at the suitcase in the hallway with a question mark on his face.

“Naturally,” Cas agrees. As if that's the most normal thing in the world. “Sam told me you want him to stay with you until he recovers. And considering your apartment would be very accommodating for a wheelchair that's quite the wise choice, I have to say.”

“So you –”

“I want to stay and help out as well,” Cas says with a shrug. “Don't worry, I'll just take the couch.”

Dean feels something warm blossoming inside his chest and for a moment he's barely able to breathe. Because Cas is wonderful and selfless and if Dean wouldn't be such a chickenshit he would've confessed his freaking love a long time ago.

“Cas, man, I really appreciate it,” Dean answers, his voice a bit shaky. “But – like I said, Sam is getting better – I'll be able to manage it myself –”

“I want to be here for Sam,” Cas insists. “But I also want to be here for you!”

Dean raises his brows.

“Because I know you,” Cas goes on before Dean is even able to come up with a follow-up question. “I mean, just look at you. You seem like you hadn't had a minute of rest since all of this happened.”

Dean grimaces. Of course he's totally right about that, but Dean seriously doesn't want to confirm that. Not with Cas assessing him like that.

So he mumbles, in good old Winchester fashion, “I'm fine …”

Cas instantly rolls his eyes at him. “You're not fine,” he claims. “I talked with Sam, you know? You barely ate or slept, you didn't even think about telling your employees what was happening. You just rushed out of the garage and never returned.”

Dean grimaces.

Right.

He knew he forgot something.

“Shit,” he whispers, rubbing his temples and cursing his past self.

“Well, at least you remembered to call me,” Cas states. “And when he didn't hear from you Benny reached out to me to learn what's going on.” As Dean immediately opens his mouth to dig further about that, Cas adds right away, “Don't worry, I explained everything. He's managing the garage in your absence.”

Dean can't help feeling incredibly guilty all of a sudden. He noticed several messages and missed calls on his phone, some of them from Benny, but he ignored all of them because he didn't have the strength to deal with any of that. Dean squeezes his eyes shut and urges himself to call Benny pretty soon.

“I didn't mean for you to feel bad about this,” Cas apologizes immediately as he notices Dean's expression. “I just wanted to point out that you're a selfless person. And an idiot.”

Dean scowls at that. “Hey!”

“You always go out of your way to take care of anyone else,” Cas continues, a gentle smile on his lips. “You're a natural nurturer, Dean, and that's one of the things I love about you.”

Dean chokes on air at the nonchalant use of such a powerful word and can't help a fierce blush.

“But you're horrible in regards to yourself,” Cas accuses. “Be it either to take a step back to get a little rest or see yourself a patient in the first place. Remember the last time you had the flu? I basically had to chain you to the bed.”

Dean's flush only grows as he recalls Cas actually ending up sitting on top of him to keep him warm and cozy underneath the covers. That memory has a very special place in Dean's mind.

“So I'm here to help you,” Cas summarizes. “To help you not to work yourself to the ground.”

There is another protest forming on Dean's tongue, eager to get out there, but it gets stuck in his throat as Cas' hand suddenly cups his cheek. For a minute or two everything else ceases to exist apart from that soft touch and Dean almost whimpers, it feels so good.

And he doesn't even know how it happens, but just a moment later he finds his head nestled in Cas' lap.

Dean's heart runs wildly, making him go dizzy in the process. But at the same time he feels weirdly relaxed, Cas' familiar smell letting his muscles loosen up all on their own. Like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders.

And when eventually fingers card through his hair, Dean sighs in contentment and knows for sure that nothing could ever feel any better than this.

“Just rest,” Cas whispers. “Let go for a while and recharge your batteries.”

Dean looks up, right into Cas' eyes. They're tender and filled with emotions and Dean realizes he's the luckiest guy on the planet. And if he'd have a bit more energy he'd heave himself upwards and kiss those inviting lips.

As it is right now, though, Dean merely smiles lazily and whispers, “I'm glad you're here,” before drifting off to sleep.

And just before unconsciousness takes over he believes he hears a heartfelt, “I'm not going anywhere.”

[opheliadying]

How to Make the Supernatural Series Finale Better:

Before we get started. I wrote this very quickly so there are probably spelling and grammar error, but I’s totally appreciate it if someone read it. It is a bit long though. Also, please note that I’m not a big shipper of any of the Ships on the show. Everything I highlight here makes the most sense to me as someone who loves all the characters and appreciates all the Ships. I give options for Destiel shippers and people who don’t ship it.

First, Let’s Start With What I Liked About It:

Dean got a dog (aka Miracle). In the past, we’ve seen Sam get attached to dogs, but Dean getting attached to one shows his emotional growth as a character. In the past, the idea of loving anyone other than family baffled Dean. Now Dean sees that he’s full of love (thanks to Cas) and can give it out more freely.

Jared and Jensen’s acting. While I don’t like that Dean died the way he did, the scene itself was beautifully acted and made me bawl my eyes out. I was also emotionally affected by Jared’s growing old montage (you could feel the grief in every scene). No matter what we think of the writing, we must tip our hats off to that acting. I personally believe that Jared’s only said this was one of his favorite episodes because of the emotional scenes between Sam and Dean and to try to make the fans feel better about the show edning.

The throwaway line about Castiel. While I would’ve like to have seen a lot more. It was a comfort to know he was with Jack and not in the Empty.

Heaven. I’m glad that we saw the original Bobby, and that we saw Sam and Dean Reunite in Heaven.

Now, What I Didn’t Like About the Finale:

Dean’s acceptance. Dean acting like he and Sam couldn’t fight for Castiel and not contacting Jack. (Just makes no sense.)

Dean’s death. Dean died way too young and without being able to enjoy his freedom.

Sam’s grief. Sam lived the rest of his knife with heavy grief. He never got over Dean’s death because Dean never got to truly live.

Eileen’s absence. They didn’t even show Sam using ASL for us to know if that was Eileen. What? (I’m just choosing to believe).

Where’s Miracle? The dog should have joined Dean in Heave.

Where’s Cas and Jack? Castiel and Jack should have had screen time.

A lacking reunion. There should have been a bigger heavenly reunion.

Bad aging. They struggled to age Sam, like what’s that about?

How the Episode Could Have Been 1000x Better:

Redirect focus. Instead of a weak monster of the week story, focus the final episode of Sam and Dean growing old and living their lives.

Sam and Dean’s story together before death. They hunt for several more years but then decide to settle down. They become the new Bobby’s and help other hunters out by answering calls and pitching in when needed. They schedule an annual hunting trip every year to relive the “good old days”. They live as neighbors (either beside each other or in the same neighborhood). They are a frequent part of each other’s lives. They make the Bunker a community place for hunters and take turns monitoring it.

Castiel’s story before death (with two options). Option one (the heterosexual option), Sam and Dean pray to Jack about Casitel. Jack comes and tells them Cas is helping him fix the mess Chuck left behind but that he’ll be along when he can. A few years later, Castiel and Jack visit the Winchesters (everyone hugs). Dean tells Castiel he loves him too, but doesn’t know how to love him romantically. Castiel says that’s okay, that it’s enough to just be loved by him at all. Castiel doesn’t fall in love with anyone else, he is only able to truly love Dean, he stays an Angel and is content with his life. Option two (the homosexual option), Sam and Dean pray to Jack about Casitel. Jack comes and tells them Cas is helping him fix the mess Chuck left behind but that he’ll be along when he can. A few months later, Castiel and Jack visit the Winchesters (everyone hugs). Dean tells Castiel that he loves him too, that he fills whole when Castiel’s in his life. He expresses worry about not knowing how to be sexual with a man. It makes him nervous to feel so virginal about it. They connect foreheads, Cas tells him that’s okay, they’ll figure it out and they do (a kiss isn’t necessary but I’m down with it). Castiel becomes human, Sam removes his grace and keep it safe in the Bunker. Dean and Castiel adopt a girl and give her the same name Mary Samantha Winchester.

Dean’s story before death (with two options). Option one (the heterosexual option), Dean opens up a bar where hunters come often (like the Roadhouse). He hangs up photos of all the people they’ve lost along the way. He has a kid with a woman he had a one-night stand with, they don’t love each other but they’re good friends. His child is a daughter, he names her Mary Samantha Winchester. Option two (the bisexual option), like above Dean, tells Castiel he loves him and that he’s nervous, but they figure it out. Dean tells Sam he’s bi and that he loves Cas, he’s nervous about what Sam will say, but Sam smiles and hugs him. He tells him he’s happy for the two of them and that he always felt they had a strong connection. Dean and Castiel have a small wedding, only their beautiful made family is invited. No one judged them, everyone is happy for them. Jack is there, so happy for two for his Dads (Sam’s story below). Castiel becomes human, Sam removes his grace and keep it safe in the Bunker. Dean and Castiel adopt a girl and give her the same name Mary Samantha Winchester.

Sam’s story before death. Sam and Eileen get together, get married, and have the same son (because I’m choosing to believe that was her). Jack is also at their wedding and so happy for them. They name him Robert Dean Winchester and call him Bobby. Sam goes back to school, becomes a professor of mythology and tells his students “made up” stories about two brothers who fought all kinds of monsters. Some of his students secretly think he's a big Supernatural (the books) fan, but all his students like him. They think he’s warm and quirky.

Jack’s story. Jack sees Sam, Dean, and Cas weekly to monthly for several years. There comes a point where the system he creator works well on it’s on and needs little interference, He lives his life helping as many people as he can and spending time with his family. Dean tells him he is a part of their family and apologizes for ever saying otherwise. Sam, Cas, And Dean all at some point call him Son and Jack feels like he belongs. (Maybe he falls in love at some point, with an angel or a witch?) He remains a good God became of the love he learned from the Winchesters and Cas (who is also a Winchester damn it). He restores all the other worlds/dimensions, the people from Apoloaypse world go back they ask that he heal the world but not change their fates, they like who they are now and the families they’ve formed. We see Charlie/Stevie and Bobby happy in this world. Kevin is sent to Heaven. We see how Jack made a deal with the Empty, he put her to sleep and made the Empty quite again before he got Cas (which she agreed to). Jack restores Donatello’s soul.

Chuck’s story. Chuck lives as a human for the rest of his life, many of those years are miserable until he meets someone that makes him feel true love for the first time. He writes a letter to Sam and Dean apologizing for everything and thanking them for turning him human. The author becomes a character in his favorite story, and he’s so happy he has no say over the end.

Amara’s story. Amara wishes to be human, so Jack makes her a human vessel but keeps her powers (which she agrees to). She lives out a beautiful life filled with love and luxury. Chuck write to Amara too. She does eventually forgive Chuck, not because he deserves it, but because that just who she is.

Dean’s death (with two options). Option one (the heterosexual option), Dean does die on a hunting trip in his late 50s to 60s, he gives Sam the same beautiful speech and they share the same emotional intensity (and head touch). He goes to heaven, Bobby and Miracle are there to greet him. They have the same conversation and he goes on a drive. On the drive he runs into Castiel, they have a heart to heart before he goes on to find Sammy. Option two (the bisexual option), the same as before BUT, Sam calls Castiel first. Castiel gets there in time to say goodbye. Jack does come down, but with Dean’s declining health, he tells Jack he’s ready to go. They all respect his decision and say goodbye. He goes to heaven, Bobby and Miracle are there to greet him. They have the same conversation and he goes on a drive. On the drive he runs into Castiel, and say’s “it’s about time” but it didn’t feel that long to Dean. They embrace tearfully.

Castiel’s death (with two options). Option one (the heterosexual option), he doesn’t die. He stays an Angel. Option two (the homosexual option), after Dean dies on a hunting trip he moves in with Sam and Eileen. We see him struggle with grief, he cries beside Baby and sniffs Dean's clothes. He lives another five years and dies of cancer. When he arrives in Heaven, he’s on a highway, and Dean drives up to him in Baby and say’s “it’s about time” but it didn’t feel that long to Dean. They embrace tearfully.

Eileen’s death.  Eileen dies a few months before Sam of old age (aka heart failure). She goes to heaven, Dean and Castiel find her on their drive. They welcome her into the car with smiles.

Sam’s death. We do see a montage of scenes with Sam struggling with grief. He does break down in the Impala, he cries into Cas’ trench coat, and he hugs Eileen's pillow as he cries. His son is there and his niece to support him through it. Sam dies a few months after Eileen. His son Bobby, and niece Mary, come in and Bobby says goodbye like in the show, but before Sam fades away he see’s Jack in the back of the room (his first son) and he knows everything is going to be okay. He goes to heaven, Dean, Castiel, and Eileen meet him on the road. They all have an individual tearful moment together. Sam and Dean have an intense hug, Sam and Cas hug, Eileen and Sam kiss, and he pets Miracle. They get into the car and drive.

Heaven. Heaven is changed as Bobby said, Jack and Casitel did good. (yes, John is there, he’s an ass, but the boys would want him there for some reason). The four of them drive up to the Roadhouse to find Bobby and Jack waiting outside. Jack tells them every one is waiting, Bobby says “family don’t end with blood”, they open the doors for them, and we see everyone they lost along the way in the Roadhouse: John, Mary, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Charlie, Kevin, etc (literally everyone except maybe Crowley and Rowena because IDK how that would work?). Castiel, Eileen, Jack, and Bobby walk inside. Dean takes Sam by the shoulder. Dean says, “we did good” and Sam says “yeah, want to go have some chick flick moments?”. Dean laughs and says, “I love chick flicks.”, and Sam laughs and says “I know you do” and they join their family. We get a scene of them all reunited with “Carry on My Wayward Son” playing in the background. Fade to black.

Anyway, that’d how I think they could have made the finale better while still using the basic structure the created. So yeah, I’m heartbroken. Thanks for reading.