#you can tell a man with no mental issues wrote this shit

[sniigura-archive]

All we have is time.

Adam x fem!reader

Summary: Ignorance is bliss, but sadly you aren’t an idiot.

Part 1 Part 2

CW/TW: Porn, COLLEGE AUU, TW:Adam Oral M reciving, one sided pinning, possessive behaviour, please tell me if i missed something, Choking, breeding kink, unsafe sex, toxic relation ship and attachment , implied mental heath issues on readers side

Basically I wrote this for @namazunomegami and I but u guys can read it too ig /j

The drive to your friends house to meet for lunch was painful. For you at least, your friend had a blast. Asking you questions which you didn’t really want to answer. For someone who claimed to hate Adam she sure was interested in knowing about his performance in bed.

Once your friend parked, you made sure to take 2 steps at once when you walked about the stairs, quickly knocking at your friends door. You didn’t take the elevator, since you were too afraid to be stuck in a small room with her.

“…And like, is it true that he has a you-know-what piercing? How does that even work, does it hurt you? Or is extra stimulation…?” She was right on your trail.

The door opened and your other friend looked annoyed, her brows were furrowed and she had a scowl on her pretty face, “What the fuck? Did no one teach-“

You pushed past her into her unfairly huge living room, making sure that all 3 of your friends are in the room when you made your confession, “I slept with Adam and now she won’t leave me alone!” You pointed your finger at your pestering friend, Bernadette.

Bernadette grinned like she was experiencing joy for the first time, “Twice! She slept with him twice!”

You groaned loudly, covering your face with your hands to avoid the stares of everyone. You flopped down onto the soft couch.

“Oh my god? Details?”

“..Wait was that why you disappeared at the parties? You were fucking Adam..or more like Adam was fucking you. My, My.” Your other 2 friends chimed in, a couple who moved in together after 1 month of dating and have been going up and down ever since. So you feel like they can’t judge you. But they’re also lesbians and that’s basically part of their culture so like maybe you’re really the odd one out.

“You guys are acting like we are dating. Can we talk less about my sex life and do more eating?” You whined out. Daring to look up towards your whole three friends, you gave them your best impression of puppy dog eyes.

Monica sighed and twirled a black strand of coily hair around her finger, her short but still perfectly manicured pink nails were in a stark contrast to her dark hair. Her girlfriend, Dymphna, gave you a once over with a slight smirk on her face. Her bleached hair perfectly framing her soft face.

“Why do you never want to over share sex details with us?” Bernadette whined. For someone who acted at first like that was worst thing to ever happen to her, she sure was chipper now. MAN.

“Bro, it would be, like, really hypothetical of me to break up with the extra for sharing all of our sex details only to turn around and do the same to my friends!” You told them sternly.

That wasn’t the only reason you broke up with him, but it summoned it up pretty well. He was Adam’s drummer, and him being part of the band was his first red flag. Other warning signs were his selfish behaviour in and outside the bedroom, him NEVER defending you against his mother, and shit talking you behind your back towards the band. It was a nasty on and off relationship, with him constantly breaking up with you for whatever reason floated around his head and you took him back ever time. That changed once you found out just how exactly he talks about you to his friends, it was the last straw.

Sometimes you wonder what Adam thinks of the, mostly made up, stories he has heard from your ex. Is that why he sought you out?

“Bae, that’s different. He’s a guy. We are girls, which means we are better, and we share everything.” Dymphna chimed in.

The back and forth went like that for a while, lunch passed and so did dinner and before you knew it you were camped out in your friends living room. This isn’t the first time lunch escalated to a sleepover, so you were prepared. While you were chilling under your blanket, your friends started up their questioning again.

You know that Adam wouldn’t care if you shared sex details with your friends, or anyone else really. Matter of fact, you think it would stroke his ego badly. What you were more worried about is spilling too much. His intense possessiveness, the fact that he herded you into a exclusive relationship. One sided exclusive relationship? His stare, lowkey stalkerish behaviour, his soft touches, the way he looks at you when he thinks you aren’t noticing. The emotional charged atmosphere in the car.

“So it’s casual, right?” Monica asked carefully. At some point you got pissed off with everyone hounding you for answers.

“Yeah. What else would it be? Has he ever had a serious relationship in college?”

“Hmm. Well, he does talk sometimes about dates he went to. One time he bitched and moaned in practice about a girl he went on multiple dates with, who talked about equality but didn’t want to pay for the date. Man, he didn’t stop talking about that for weeks. I wonder how Lute can deal with him?” The last part was more mumbled to herself than anything. Her girlfriend was draped over her lap while the both sat on the couch.

Adam and Lute run a female-only self defence club, which is affectionately called the The Exorcists. Monica and Dymphna met at the club during their freshman year. This also meant they're more familiar with Adam than you.

Bernadette was already passed out besides you, her soft snores filled the air.

“You know the story about his ex-girlfriends?” Dymphna whispered, conscious of your sleeping friend.

“Only a bit. Dated two girls in highschool, both cheated. The second one somehow screwed him over, hard. Got kicked out of his father’s house, lived with his mother…Did I miss something?”

“That summons it up... Do you think he was into you before the final break up?” Monica chimed in.

And you think of the times where you were single for a small time, at party’s and gatherings and at campus, were Adam approached you. But you were so far up your heart ache that you simply repressed all those memories. Oh my god. The memories crashed into you like a wave.

“…Naahh. Barley saw him before that.” You tried to avoid the topic, by badly lying. You see them exchange knowing glances, but you just ignore that. Like everything else uncomfortable in your life you ignore. Avoidance above everything else.

Maybe you’re just fucking delusional and your own ego went to your head.

“Wait! So at the last party you skipped out on you were already sleeping with each other, right?”

“Yeah…Why?”

Another glance was exchanged between the couple, which started to piss you off. You hate third wheeling.

Dymphna sat up, rubbing at her eye, “Huh. Well…Hmmm..Adam seemed kinda pissed of at the party. He seemed to be looking for…something. But! Don’t worry about it.”

You threw your head back into your pillow, trying to hide away. Jesus. Your friends chuckled at you, while they got up.

“Be careful, I think if you break Adam’s heart Lute will have to tranq gun him down. Literally.” Monica giggled at the thought.

They both kissed your cheek while wishing you a goodnight, returning to their bedroom.

Even though it usually doesn’t happen to you, you couldn’t fall asleep. As much as you turned in your makeshift bed, sleep didn’t come easy to you. It’s midnight now, and the only comfort you have is your professor cancelling all the classes for the day, so it’s not like you had to wake up early.

You did have an obgyn appointment tho, to talk over birth control options for you. After that you had to work a shift. Ugh. What you wouldn’t give to be rich, but, well, this is why you’re the first one in your family to go to college. Breaking the cycle, or whatever Bernadette is always babbling about.

In the end you lost the fight to whatever demon you were fighting in your mind and you pulled out your phone from the charger and started mindlessly scrolling.

A message appeared on the top of your screen from Adam. Damn. Ok. You opened the chat log.

[Adam Godfree]: University at Albany Study: Semen Eases Depression in Women {Link} 22:34PM

[Adam Godfree]: u up tits? 12:22AM

[Reader]: Yes. 12:22AM

You see the type bubble appear and disappear for a solid minute. This isn’t the first time Adam had texted you at an ungodly hour, asking if you’re up. It’s the first time though where you respond. You rub your hand over your face, feeling stupid all of the sudden. Before you could throw your phone away Adam responded.

[Adam Godfree]: yeah??? 12:24AM

[Adam Godfree]: want me to pick u up bbae 12:24AM

[Adam Godfree]: or i can come over idgaf 12:24

[Adam Godfree]: whatever gets me in that tight pusssssy 12:25AM

[Reader]: I’m at Monica and Dymphna’s right now. 12:25AM

[Adam Godfree]: my fave lesbos 12:25Am

[Adam Godfree]: i can pick you up where ever when ever baby 12:26AM

[Adam Godfree]: jus say the word 12:26AM

You started chewing at your lips, fuck. It’s not like you could sleep and as you learned from the two last times, nothing puts you more to sleep than having Adam rearrange your guts. You looked over to Bernadette snoring besides you, her whole body was arranged like a pretzel. She was a heavy sleeper, so you wouldn’t wake her up. And hearing suspicious sounds from your friends bedroom means also they wouldn’t notice you fucking off.

Your nerves would have been stilled if you knew how Adam was nervously pacing around in his own empty apartment.

[Reader]: {Location} 12:28AM

[Adam Godfree]: be there in 10 12:28AM

SHIT. Ok, deep breaths you got this. Looking around for your bag, you realised you had to pack exactly 0. You ha shoved everything recklessly into your bag, but it was all there. Making really sure you got everything, you rubbed at your face and neck, to get the nervousness out. Why are you so nervous?? That guy literally shoved his tongue up your pussy you actually need to chill.

Before you realised it, eight minutes have already passed. Carefully gathering your bag and jacket, you simply slipped into your shoes without tying them. Walk of shame vibes without having done the shameful part yet. Slipping into your jacket, you left the apartment and made your way to the elevator. You wish you had an elevator in your building. You’re pretty sure you saw a rat last week just chilling in the staircase.

Pressing the button and patiently waiting for the elevator you decided to text in the group chat where your whereabouts will be. Before anyone thinks you ran away or something.

Getting into the elevator you made your way down, till you left the building through the huge automatic glass doors. Looking around, you tried to remember what the fuck Adam’s car looked like. Expensive, for sure. But everything here was expensive so you were lost. Making another sweep of the street, you spotted Adam’s car, but only because you spotted Adam first. He was typing away at his phone.

Walking over, you opened the passenger door and got in. You simply put your bag in-front of your feet. Adam seemed slightly startled but he quickly catches himself once he saw it was you. You muttered out a small ‘Hi’ while sighing. As soon as you were in Adam’s presence you felt the tiredness creeping in. Weird.

“Hey, baby. How’s it going?” He murmured out, he grasped his huge hand against the nape of your neck and clashes your lips into each other.

Adam kept it PG for the first 5 seconds, which honestly made you proud of him, after that he threw out any decency and tangled your tongues together. Grasping his shoulders to push him gently away from you, you could have sworn you heard him straight up whine quietly.

“Alright, pussy pleaser, how about you drive to your place? So we can finally have sex in a bed. I can’t take another semi-public place.” You told him teasingly.

Adam scoffed at you with a smile on his lips, “I’m surprised you can take me at all, babe.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you turned around to fasten your seatbelt. Adam packed away his phone (who was he texting?) and shifted the gear to pull out of the side walk. You still think your friends were full of shit. One way to find out.

Sitting up suddenly, you turned your whole body towards Adam. He averted his gaze from the road to you, raising his eyebrow at you.

“Do you ever feel like you’re going insane?” You decided to ask him.

He scratched at his chin while furrowing his brow at you, “I don’t give a shit. We gonna fuck or what?”

Oh thank god. He couldn’t care less about you.

“Yup!”

Adam gave you one last once over while slightly shaking his head at you. He pulled out into the street and started the way to his home. You were a bit relieved. The less feelings involved the better.

You watched the street lamps and different buildings pass you. You tried to take a glance into the windows, you never learned how to mind your own business. Nothing was more interesting than seeing how other people lived.

Adam smoothly parked his car at his assigned parking space. The sign had a guitar sticker besides Adam’s last name, Godfree.

Getting out of the car, you hurled your bag over your shoulder. You already thought your friends lived in a fancy neighbourhood but Adam really knows how to do everyone. Walking up towards him, since you didn’t know where the fuck to go, you looked up to him.

Adam placed his hand on your shoulder, where your bag was thrown over, and gently pushed you in-front of him. He lead the way while being behind you. His fingers weaselled its way behind the bag strap, successfully sliding it off your shoulder and slinging it across his own shoulder.

You threw a glance behind you, to find out what his plan was, but he was grinning at you.

“What kind of man would I be if I let my favourite girl carry anything?” He whispered into your ear. You felt yourself begin to flush, looking straight ahead, while Adam had his arm wrapped around your side. Walking now beside you, he dragged you into his side. Chuckling at you, he herded you to his apartment.

You were too focused on the feeling of Adam’s big, warm body besides yours to focus on anything going on around you. You’re down bad. In the trenches, basically.

Entering Adam’s apartment, you didn’t quite know what you expected but it wasn’t this. Part of you imagined a messy apartment, with dishes and trash pilling up everywhere, but that wasn’t the case. His apartment felt empty, the way Ikea display rooms feel empty. It’s nice, minimalistic even.

It’s clear to you that Adam didn’t decorate the living room. You slipped out off your shoes, everything was so sterile here you felt bad just existing. Adam took of his own shoes and jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack. He helped you out of your own jacket and hung it up.

Adam looked you up and down and started chuckling at you, “The fuck are you even wearing?”

You looked down at your pyjamas which. Yeah, was embarrassing. Your oversized t-shirt had permanent bleach and hair dye stains from adventure with your friends in it. It was a band shirt of Adam’s band, a prototype you got from your ex. Your fuzzy pants were as old as time. You bought them when you were 13, the colour was washed out. It was blue with duck prints on it. Together with more mysterious stains.

“..What? You don’t like my sleeping fit?” You looked up into his smiling face. His eyes were soft.

“Nah, babe. Nothing gets me more hard than…Fuzzy ducks. What the fuck did you even do to your clothes?” Adam grasped your hand into his, starting to lead you towards his bedroom. His fingers were squeezing yours.

“You never dyed your friends hair at 3am because her crush didn’t text her back for 15 minutes?” You smiled at the memory of Dymphna losing her mind over Monica before they got together.

“Damn, let me guess Dy? Didn’t do that, but Lute did force me to make fake accounts to test one of her toys.” Adam sniffed, “Don’t tell her I told you that. She would kill me.”

Adam opened up his bedroom door and finally you see something you were expecting. It wasn’t trash or dirt, but a few guitars strewn across the room. His big bed was shoved into a corner, it was unmade. Huge windows were covered by the curtains and his desk was surprisingly tidy. His laundry basket was overflowing. On his desk was a photo of him and Lute, they seemed happy. Everything was messy but still clean.

While you were looking around, Adam put your bag down besides his closet. For a second he simply watched you, standing in his room. He pinched himself, trying to get his shit together.

You heard Adam walk towards you, you turned around and Adam grasped your face into his hands, he bend down and kissed you. Soft. Gently. Lovingly. Your heart sped up.

His body was towering over yours, his huge hands on your face and he started to lead you towards his bed. He pushed you softly unto the plush surface, while you laid on his bed he took of his sweater, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

He smirked down at you, grasping at your knees and spreading your legs apart,

“Tell me, baby, do you rub that pretty pussy to the thought of me? Huh?” His tone was arrogant, like he knew the answer to that already.

Which, yeah, he did. Busted. Are you that predictable?? You were going to die on the spot. You covered the lower half of your face with your hand.

“…Maybe.” Your voice was small. Your own pride was too big to admit to that. Shit.

Adam’s hands grasped at your hips, his thumbs were gently massaging your skin. His hands wandered down, grabbing at the waistband of your pants he pulled it and your underwear off your body carefully. Like unwrapping a present.

“Oh yeah? Show me.”

“Wha…Why?”

“ ‘m not gonna touch you till you give me a show, slut.” Adam kneeled down before the bed between your legs, his head in his hand, the elbow resting on the blanket. His eyes were focused on you.

Fuckfuckfuck.

You bit down on your lip. Who would win in this stare off? Not you for sure.

Avoiding his sharp eyes, you slowly spread your legs further apart. Adam’s eyes moved from your face to your glistening pussy. He started to smile at the sight.

A thought popped up in your head. Adam loves physical touch, that much is clear. You just have to give him the best show ever and forbid him from touching you, as a little revenge. Teasing him will be fun. Hopefully. He’s going to eat you alive.

Your hand moved from your chest, to your stomach, to your cunt. Making sure Adam could see everything, you spread your folds apart with your fingers. You heard him hitch his breath. Ok. You can do this. Adam is obviously infatuated with you, so hopefully you can’t disappoint him. Too much.

Starting gently, you gathered some wetness on your middle and ring finger from your dripping hole. Rubbing slow circles into your clit, your lip got caught between your teeth while you tried to stifle a moan.

Adam shuffled on his knees, his one hand went towards his hardening dick. Rubbing at his bulge through his sweatpants he groaned slightly at the sight of you. This really was his favourite fucking show.

“You like that, whore? Do like touching yourself for me?” Adam spoke in a breathy tone.

You wish you had mastered dirty talk like Adam, but part of you just wishes to hide away forever. The other part wants to get dicked down by Adam constantly. So yeah, your mind is pretty torn apart.

“Uh-Hu.” You simply gasped out, who needs words when you can just moan.

Fingers moving from your pulsing clit, you started to slowly enter them into your cunt. Pumping them in and out, the frustrating truth was that your fingers were much smaller than Adam’s dick. Or his fingers. So the places he could reach were basically unknown territory to you.

“ Shit, babe, need me to help that greedy pussy out?” Adam looked into your eyes up. Fucking hell. Sexiest man alive.

He started sitting up, his hands reaching out towards your thighs.

You placed your foot on his shoulder, pushing him down. Usually Adam’s eyes were sharp, like that of a hawks, but right now he reminded you of a puppy with the way he looked up at you with round eyes.

“Why don’t you beg a bit for it, Adam? What makes you think you deserve it?” You tried to make your voice as sultry as possible. It felt more shaky than anything.

Now it was Adam’s turn to be flustered, his face was flushed and he covered his mouth with his hand. Ah. Did you over do it? Before you could take your words back, Adam leaned his head against your ankle, nuzzling the skin there. He avoided eye contact.

“..Fuuuuck, woman, you got me so fucking pussy whipped. You know how down bad I am? Nobody squeezes my dick like you do. Shit….Please, let me fuck that holy like cunt.” Adam grumbled out, him being submissive was hot as fuck. Maybe you should gag him next time. Or tie him up? That’d be hot.

You sat up more, removing your fingers to grasp at Adam’s bare shoulders, “…Damn, Adam. Please stuff me full.”

That was all it took for Adam pounce on you, he grasped his hands under your back, throwing you towards the pillows. Your landing was cushioned, thankfully. Adam crawled over you, towering over you with his much bigger body. Your talent is really biting off more than you can chew.

Adam leaned down to whisper in your ear, “That was really hot, sugar tits, honestly. But we really gotta give you some good lessons on how to properly dom, don’t cha think? We can remember that for next time, now we gotta focus on filling you up real nice ‘n good.”

You simply nodded at Adam’s words, you want him so bad. You hope he wants you just as bad.

He clashed his lips into your own, teeth clanking together and spit being exchanged like it’s your only life force. As if this could heal you, heal you both. You think it does, a bit.

Adam’s warm hands snaked themselves under your shirt, his hands exploring your body. He stopped the kiss to take your shirt off, now you were completely naked, while Adam was still wearing his sweatpants.

“A bit unfair, no?” You ask him, while trailing your fingers over his stomach, towards his happy trail to then tug at the waistband of his sweats. His dick was straining against the grey cloth. A dark spot of pre cum was forming.

Adam chuckled, “Everything for my favourite slut.” He teasingly dragged his sweats down slowly, together with his underwear.

His dick sprang free and it was once again clear that your fingers could not compare to Adam’s sheer size. You already felt a phantom stretch in your pussy at the sight of him.

Adam started kissing at your neck while his hand massaged your tit, pulling and pinching at the nipple. You whined. Once you felt him trying to leave marks on your neck, you pushed his face away from your skin.

“Ok. New rule. No marks beyond the cleavage. I’m serious, don’t laugh! Spring is coming and I can’t walk around looking like I just got mauled.” You told him.

“Sure you can. And when you do and I see you I can remember how you milked me dry and everyone knows you’re spoken for.” Adam tried to sound convincing, he was, but you don’t want to die of a heat stroke just because Adam has some weird issues going on.

You simple glared at him, reaching out and tugging at his nipple piercing roughly.

“Ouch! Fucking bitch. Okay, okay. Got it.” He grumbled out, but he started smirking again, which was never good, “Doesn’t mean you can’t leave marks on me tho, baby. Equality and all that shit.”

Dragging him down by his nape, you tugged at his hair while frenching him. Why is he so dreamy? Or more like what’s wrong with you? Doesn’t really matter in the great scheme of things. This whole thing is to casually have fun. Totally casual. Yeah.

Adam spread your legs apart slightly, rubbing at your pussy with his finger, he slowly slipped one finger in and then the other. Pumping his fingers in and out of you, he was mumbling stuff you didn’t quite catch. Something about prepping you properly. Thank god for that because otherwise he would split you apart.

Slipping in the third and final finger, he curled them up, causing you to moan Adam’s name like a prayer. Maybe you are praying to him.

Feeling Adam remove his fingers made you whine out for him. Yeah you really need dom lessons from him, a bit of pleasure and you’re brain dead. That’s embarrassing, low-key.

Settling between your legs, Adam rubbed the tip of his cock against your clit.

“Ugh, prettiest pussy on the whole campus. Believe me, slut.” He whispered to himself.

Sometimes you wonder how much Adam is aware of the fact that you can hear basically his inner monologue. Maybe it’s best if he doesn’t know it.

Slowly slipping into your warm, wet hole Adam groaned at the feeling of you enveloping him completely. Some sick, locked away part of him is happy that you didn’t mention condoms.

Adam started to slowly rock your hips together, the pressure was building up in your abdomen. Reaching under your thighs, Adam pressed them towards your chest, reminding you off a pretzel. He reached even more sensitive spots inside you with that angle.

Seeing and hearing you be so satisfied made him pick up the pace.

“..Ya know what this position is called?..Fuck!..It’s..Ah..Called mating press, baby….You wanna be..ugh.. my little breeding mate? Huh?” Adam grunted out.

Shit, his dick piercing was rubbing against your walls. Fuck, Adam has been barley inside of you for 10 minutes and you already feel like exploding. At least Adam also looks like he’s going to bust any minute.

Man, and he hasn’t even touched your clit. He has an incredible effect on you. Well, more like on your pussy. You never thought pregnancy was hot till now. You literally let the guy spit in your mouth.

Scratching up his back, you decided to make him regret saying that you could mark him up as much as you pleased. Fucker. Your lips searched for Adam’s skin, you dragged his face towards yours. You kissed the side of his mouth, he tried to catch your lips into his, but you moved on.

Lips crashed into his cheek and chin and nose, till you finally found his neck. You made sure to kiss, suck and lick as hard as possible. Everywhere you could. Adam groaned straight up in your ear.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Want to mark me up, heh. Show everyone who I belong to? Shit.” Adam grasped at your hips to keep you still, to fuck into you.

“Love when you do that. When you hit that spoo-Ah- spot!” You called out to Adam, to spur him on. To have him fuck your harder. You felt juices run down your thighs.

“Oh yeah?..Tell me what else you love?” He groaned out.

“Adam! Right there, please. I..Uhh…Love your dick…?” It was more a question than a statement.

“Fuck. I’ll take it.” Adam kept up his pace, and you felt your toes curling, your legs tensing up, while you locked your ankles behind Adam’s back, to keep him inside of you.

Your orgasm crashed over you, like an electric shook cursing through your body. Feeling you clench around him, Adam couldn’t keep up much longer and he came inside you.

The sensation of having Adam’s hard dick pulse inside you, while his hot seed is spilling inside you made you sob out at the overstimulating feeling.

Adam rubbed his big, warm hands over sweaty body in a soothing manner. What a man.

While Adam was kissing your cheek, chin and nose, you felt your heartbeat slow down. Reaching around blindly, you fished out your pyjama shirt and slipped it over your head. Adam’s eyes never left your form and neither did his hands.

He put on his underwear, to then pull you into his arms, being the big spoon. You were already half gone, cuddled into the blanket with Adam.

With Adam it felt like, he was born to be domestic and monogamous but forced to frat and fuck around.

You couldn’t spare more energy on that thought, since you were already drifting off.

———————————————

Waking up in Adam’s bed, with Adam’s arms loosely wrapped around you felt surreal. Light was peaking out of the curtains. You had no clue what time it was. It felt like morning. Was it morning?

You had to take your medication. You really didn’t want Adam to know you’re on meds. That’s really non of his business. You don’t even want it to be your business, to be honest. Rummaging through your bag like a crazy woman would very much wake him up. You had to find the bath.

Slowly and carefully getting up, you crawled out of Adam’s alaskan king size bed. Jesus his bed was nearly as big as your whole apartment. Adam was a big guy, though. He does need a big bed. Imagine him squeezing him in your bed made you smile, but also made your neck ache for him.

You took your bag, which was ungracefully put besides Adam’s closet, and walked into the living room. Where was the bathroom? Looking at the choice of 3 doors, one obviously the front door, the other two where a mystery. Adam’s apartment had an open concept, so you saw that one of the doors isn’t the kitchen door, since you could directly look into it.

Deciding to just open the door closest to you, you were happy to see that it was the bathroom. The other must be like a guest room, or a storage space. Or whatever.

Gently closing the door behind you, you started searching for your pill bottle in your bag. You ended up spilling out your whole bag on the bathroom floor to find that stupid thing. Taking out your doses, you placed the pill under your tongue and started up the sink to gather some water in your hand. Swallowing everything, you closed the tap.

Feeling Adam’s cum run down your thigh made you cringe. Should you shower? Would he be mad if you used his shower? What the fuck why would he get mad at you for using his shower, that guy cums inside you now regularly. You have to get your shit together.

Before you could take your shirt off, you heard a door slam and Adam yelling,

“What the fuck! That fucking cunt! Where fucking-“ You heard him put on his clothes outside the door.

Carefully opening the bathroom door, you made awkward eye contact with a half dressed Adam. A beat of silence passed.

“..Are you good?” You decided to ask him.

His breathing was calming down, and he rubbed a hand over his face. He avoided eye contact with you.

“Yeah, totally. I…I have this, like, crazy neighbour, you know?” He tried to weasel his way out of the conversation.

“Adam, I think you might be the crazy neighbour.” You simply told him.

His head whipped towards you, he glared at you, stepping closer to you and pointing a finger at you, “Alright, listen here you-“

Before he could continue his sentence, you hooked your own pointer finger against his.

“Wanna take a shower with me?” You looked up to him, with hopeful eyes. You tugged him towards you, with your intervened fingers.

By simply looking at him, you knew Adam was losing the resolve he had to be mad at you. Thank god.

Adam took off his wrinkly shirt, throwing it into the abyss. Same with his other cloth articles. All you had to do was take off your shirt. While you stepped into the shower, Adam’s eyes wandered across your spilled out bag items.

You were playing around with the water settings and temperature when you felt Adam wrap his arms across your stomach. You leaned back against his soft stomach and broad chest. Once you were satisfied with everything you ducked under the water, feeling the warm water envelope you made your muscles relax.

When you looked around, you weren’t surprised to see a 1 in 3 shampoo bottle. Once you made sure that your hair was soaked properly, you tried to reach out for the bottle but Adam was faster than you.

He spun you around so you were facing him and he then squirted a generous amount of soap into his hand. He massaged the soap gently into your hair, then he moved on to your body. He threw away any chastity he tried to keep up, his hands were massaging your tits. His lips meet your own, and he bit his teeth into them. You couldn’t suppress the moan leaving your mouth.

He moved his hands towards your hips, dragging your crotch towards his already harding dick. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

Adam helped you rins off the soap from your hair and body, he kept leaving kisses on your face and neck while doing so. He turned you so his body was shielding you from the water. Damn his height and build.

With his hands on your shoulders he lightly pushed you down on your knees. So, here you were kneeling down in front of Adam. His totally not intimidating dick hang before you, thick and heavy.

You have heard the term breeder balls, and you never really had an image in your mind till you saw Adam. Looking up at him, you saw him smirk down at you. Grasping your cheeks into his hand, he squeezed your lips apart.

“Wanna please daddy? Suck my dick real good?” Adam told you with a shark like grin.

You swallowed down the extra spit collecting in your mouth, Adam just mad you nervous. Made your stomach flutter and your thighs clench.

Reaching out your hand, you started to slowly wrap your fingers around Adam’s cock. Your fingers barley met, and you started stroking him back and forth. Your thumb rubbed over his tip, the pre cum was collecting rapidly. Adam’s hand went to your head, he was pushing away your hair from your face.

“You teasin’ me?” Adam mumbled out. He tugged at your hair in a threatening manner.

Taking his dick in his own hand, he lightly slapped your cheek with it.

“How about you clean my dick for me? Open up wiiiiiiide.” Man, you didn’t even need to look at him to see the wide grin in his face.

Opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue, you let Adam rub his tip against your tongue. The salty and slightly bitter taste of his pre cum hit your taste buds. It could be worse, for sure.

Adam eased his dick into your mouth, with every shallow trust he put more and more and more down your throat. You tried to breath through your nose, tried to steady yourself. He didn’t bother letting you set the pace, simply starring into your face to gauge your reactions, to not push you too far.

Your hands rested on his bulky thighs, your nails digging into skin and hair. You kept your lips over your teeth, to not hurt him. Using your tongue to massage his dick as best as possible, you also hollowed out your cheeks, to suck him properly in.

“Such a pretty face, would be a waist to fuck you any way where I can’t see it. You want me to cum down your throat? Sure you do, all the bitches love that.” Maybe you should bit his dick. Fucker.

Adam, head pusher, Godfree thrusted his dick further and further down your throat. His pace was getting faster and rougher. Just how he was with your pussy. An especially deep push made you choke and gag. You pushed yourself off Adam’s dick, to catch your breath and not to throw upon his dick. That would be embarrassing.

He petted your hair gently, while waiting for you, “..Why did you take your bag with you?” He quietly asked you.

“..Uhh..I..wanted to get..just dressed.” Man you’re a bad liar.

Adam pinched your cheek with his fingers, it bordered on painful. He just starred down at you. Usually you could easily read him, he was very expressive and voiced any kind of emotion he’s going through. Verbally and nonverbally. This time tho, his face was blank. The usual pleasant nervous you felt around Adam turned into dread.

He simply hummed at you, pushing your head towards his dick. You took him back into your mouth. He returned towards his rough pace, making you choke slightly but this time you recovered quicker.

“ ‘m gonna cum down your little throat.” Was the only warning you got, before Adam held your head still to fuck into your mouth. Feeling him cum down your throat was sure an experience.

Adam, because he’s an asshole, decided to pinch your nose, to keep you from breathing. It was only for a few seconds, but it was enough to push yourself off him once he was gone and to

take in air greedily. Motherfucker.

Leaning towards him, you bit into his thigh. As hard as you could. Usually when you bit him you try to mind your teeth, this time you hoped he bled.

With a painful yelp Adam quickly pulled you off of him.

“Why the fuck did you do that?!” He angrily asked you.

“Why fucking choke me, dumbass?” You asked back with the same energy.

“Babe, what’s the big deal? I can promise you, if you sat on my face and choked me? I would cum in my pants. Straight up.”

“Fuck off.”

Roughly grasping your jaw into his hand, he was seething and it was a borderline painful sensation.

“Why take your fucking bag with you?”

Shaking him off you, you rubbed at your jaw,

“That’s non of your business.” You hissed out at him.

You saw Adam’s tongue poke his cheek, a bitter smile forming on his lips.

“Yeah, right.” Adam grasped you under your arms, picking you up. For a second he simple held you up like a rag doll. You felt small and helpless, you hated that. With a hand on your shoulder he forced you out of the shower, into the cold air. Adam picked up a bathing rob and put it on you.

And even though he was clearly pissed off at you, he was still careful when dressing you. He draped a towel over your head, he then grasped your arm and threw you out of the bathroom, he locked the door once you were out.

What the hell?

Wait.

“Adam! Give me my fucking bag!” You hammered a fist against the door.

“Whaaat? Sorry, baby, I can’t hear youuuuu.” He turned the shower up more to drown out the sound of you cursing him out.

There’s no use in yelling at Adam, you knew that. Stomping towards his bedroom, you threw yourself into the soft bed. Sitting up, you looked around. Seeing a clock at the bed site table showed you it’s roughly 6:30 AM. Damn. No wonder you felt so tired. Ah, your phone was on there too. You didn’t see it in your bag, you thought it would be by the closet. Dropping out of your messy bag. Adam probably put it there.

Picking it up you simply looked through your notifications. Nothing exciting was going on. You should probably just sleep. Putting in a reasonable alarm, and putting it back on the little table, you cuddled up under Adam’s soft blanket. Everything smelled like him. That was nice.

Before you fully drifted off, you heard the bathroom door unlock. You sat up properly, to see Adam enter the room. It seemed like he calmed down. Couldn’t be you. He put down your packed bag back near the closet. Ugh.

“Ever heard of privacy and boundaries?”

“Naw, don’t believe in that bullshit.”

Yeah, you could fucking tell.

Adam sat down at the edge of the bed, looking at you with a look you couldn’t quite place. He was scratching at the stubbles at his chin.

“..I don’t give a fuck if you’re on meds. If that’s why you were acting so fucking shifty.”

“I don’t care about your opinion! I care if I have to take that shit! And believe me, I genuinely wish I didn’t need it. I’d rather just…be normal and fit in.” Your voice got smaller at the end. You want nothing more than to fit in.

Adam sighed, “..Well, how were your shitty little friends supposed to find you, if you were like everyone else?” He grasped your neck gently and your foreheads touched each other while you gazed into each others eyes, “..How would I have found you if you didn’t stand out?”

You felt your eyelashes get wet, tears gathering in your eye. Damn. Okay.

You sniffed and rubbed the water from your eyes.

“…Let’s sleep.”

Adam grunted in agreement. Lots of excitement for one morning. Laying back down, you felt Adam’s arms wrap around you once again.

And when you woke up a few hours later, Adam had a tight grip on you and had you pressed against the wall. So you couldn’t escape this time.

[katbakubae]

Summary: You meet a man when you stepped out for a cigarette. He intrigues you, and doesn’t seem to care that you don’t have a quirk…well, he doesn’t seem to care about anything. All he did was ask for a cigarette.

NSFW Dabixchubbyfem!Reader (she/her used as opposed to you)

Words: 4k

No beta. Forgive any idiocy you see.

This is my self-indulgent shit I quite honestly wrote for myself, but decided to share it 💜

Part 1 of ?

CW: Smoking, language, reader is quirkless,(eventual) smut, blood, rough sex, dub-con, non-con elements, 18+, arson, obsessive behavior, stalking, threats, mental health issues, murder, gore, alcohol, breeding kink, dry humping, oral (both), vaginal penetration, praise, degradation, dacryphilia, slight age-gap (6 years. Reader is 18 and Dabi is 24.)

She leaned against the building, her head laying against the brick as she took another drag.

The world was so fucked up. So what? She was quirkless. She was still fucking human, though no one cared about that. All they cared about was that she couldn’t make her body gummy (seriously? That was dumb anyway) or freeze shit with her hands. She wished she had a quirk. Of course she did. But it didn’t help to sit around and wish for something that just wasn’t achievable.

“Can I get one of those?”

She gasped in alarm, her head whipping around as she tried not to gape at the owner of the deep voice. His skin was heavily scarred and stapled, his bright blue eyes boring into her with a neutral expression as she tried to hide her alarm at his appearance. She didn’t want to be rude.

“O-oh! Absolutely,” she said quickly, reaching in her bag and pulling out the pack and lighter, holding it out to him. He smirked, her heart jumping at the surprising sight of his perfect teeth.

“Thanks,” he said in a gravely voice, pulling one out and handing the pack and lighter back with a long fingered hand. His hands were large and normal looking, but staples were around his wrist, holding scarred skin to healthy skin. She hesitantly took it, being careful not to touch him and getting ready to tell him he didn’t light it when he raised two fingers to the end of the cigarette. They were instantly covered in blue flames, making her eyes widen for moments before her eyes trailed over his spiky black hair and down his body.

He was tall, thin, and in a very weird way, he was kind of…handsome. She knew that if his heavy scarring wasn’t present, it was very likely he’d be quite the heartthrob. He was wearing what appeared to be a trenchcoat, a white shirt, black pants and boots. Staples held together damaged skin to healthy skin in various places on his body, including the lower part of his face. She observed the piercings in his nose and the staples under his intense eyes.

Her eyes trailed up, flushing when she saw he was quietly observing her observing him. She hoped he didn’t think her rude, but he had to know he was interesting to look at. She expected him to walk away after getting his cigarette, but to her surprise, he leaned against the opposite wall in the alley. She swallowed thickly as he quietly looked at her, taking a deep drag.

“Names Dabi,” he offered in a deep voice, his eyes moving over her face as she felt the tension leave her at his polite introduction.

“Oh, I’m Y/N,” she offered kindly, giving him a small smile that seemed to surprise him slightly. However, he didn’t show it past a slight quirk of his brow. “It’s nice to meet you, Dabi.”

He gave a small smirk that slightly made her heart jump. Was she seriously a little attracted to this dude? If so, she was seriously taking her “bad boy” fondness way too fucking far.

“You seemed like you were having a rough day,” he offered blandly, taking another hit as you flushed again and shifted. She was under no delusions this dude actually cared, but he seemed bored and it began to feel like she was just something to pass the time. She wasn’t sure how she knew that, but she just did.

“Oh, uh, yeah…” she chuckled, trailing off. “Just…high school shit. I don’t think you’d find it very important or interesting.” She smiled bitterly, seeing him cock an eyebrow.

“I can be the judge of that,” he immediately said, finishing his cigarette and flicking it to the side. He shoved his hands in his pockets and raised a challenging brow at her surprised expression.

“Just…” she shifted, scratching her cheek as her heart beat uncomfortably. “There’s a few others giving me a hard time because…” she trailed off, feeling embarrassed and looking down at the ground. “…because I’m quirkless.” She finished in a mutter, biting her lip and waiting for the scoff of disgust that never came.

“…So?”

Her head shot up at his almost bored tone, and sure enough, he was looking at her with a neutral expression. His dark head was tilted as he observed her quietly and calculatingly.

“I…thanks,” she said awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head.

“You’re thanking me for saying ‘so’?” He asked slowly, his face remaining impassive, but she swore she saw amusement pass through those intense orbs.

She felt heat in her cheeks. “Oh, well…I guess I wish that was the response of my peers when I tell them I’m quirkless,” she chuckled bitterly, feeling embarrassed at what a dork he likely thought she was.

He snorted. “There’s way worse things than being quirkless,” he mused in a deep voice, pushing himself off the wall as she watched with big eyes. “You should go back inside. A young woman shouldn’t be in an alley by yourself like this.”

She swallowed thickly at his words, tossing her cigarette down and stepping on it.

“I…have to get back anyways,” she mumbled, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. “It was nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you around…” she trailed off, putting her hand on the doorknob as she looked at the stranger... Dabi. It seemed like slight intrigue crossed his eyes as his head tilted slightly, looking at her as though she was some kind of oddity that he didn’t understand.

He nodded his head slightly, and turned away. She watched him walk away a little before quickly entering the school, her heart scurrying in her chest. She mildly wondered what the fuck was wrong with her. He easily accepted she was quirkless, or at the very least, didn’t care about it…then again, he didn’t seem like someone that cared about much of anything. Still, she felt flattered by him? He looked dangerous, and with that fire quirk, he likely was. It occurred to her that the damaged skin was likely from his own quirk burning him.

She winced, unable to imagine the amount of pain he was likely in. How did he stand it? Didn’t it always hurt? Did it hurt him every time he used his quirk?

She certainly had a lot of questions for someone she’d only met for ten minutes. To be fair, her life was a bit boring and he honestly was the most interesting thing she’d come across in a very long time. It wasn’t abnormal to see someone that would look ‘strange’ to society, but she’d never seen someone that looked like him. Part of her wondered how he was even alive.

She found herself in the alley multiple times over the next week, playing with her zippo lighter and smoking a cigarette, wondering if the mysterious man would make another appearance. It had probably been a fluke that he’d been there.

A few weeks passed and she’d essentially given up on seeing him again. She tucked her cigarette in her mouth as she leaned against the wall, reaching under her plaid school skirt to adjust her thigh high stockings.

“Hmm, what did I say about being in alleys by yourself?”

She jumped in alarm at the deep, sly voice, almost dropping her cigarette as she looked over to see him leaning against the brick wall. Her face heated moderately when she realized that he’d seen her adjusting her stockings. However, her heart raised substantially at the sight of him, her curiosity of him springing back to life as she moved the cigarette from her mouth.

“Oh, Dabi. I was wondering if I’d see you again,” she said lightly, tucking her hair behind her ear and giving him a small smile.

His eyebrow cocked as though he was doubtful she’d thought of him again. “Is that so?” He asked after a moment's pause, his lips barely moving. “Any reason for that?”

She bit her lip for moments, averting her gaze when she saw his cerulean eyes flick down to the action.

“You’re interesting,” she blurted, internally cringing and feeling like a massive loser. God, he was going to think she was weird.

He was silent and she couldn’t bear to look at him. God, why was she so awkward?

“Do you need a cigarette?” She asked, already digging in her bag to avoid looking at him.

“How old are you?”

His sudden question in a low tone threw her off for moments as she slowly pulled the pack from her bag. He was looking at her blankly still, making it impossible for her to tell what he was thinking.

“Eighteen…” she trailed off, seeing his nostrils flare slightly in response. “How old are you?”

He chuckled darkly, shaking his head and extending his hand towards her, his eyes flicking towards the cigarette pack in her hand. She immediately handed it to him without the lighter, once again being careful not to brush his fingers. She watched as he pulled one out, lighting it with his fingers again and handing it back.

He looked at her serious for moments, the cigarette burning between his lips. It was almost as if he was debating telling her. “I’m twenty four, if it matters,” he surprised her by answering, smoke billowing from his lips.

“Why does it matter how old I am?” She asked, biting her lip as he slowly took a drag off the cigarette. Smoke billowed from his two toned lips and nose.

“I was making sure you weren’t underage,” he shrugged, taking another hit.

She chuckled, scratching her jaw and smiling. “Why? Would you confiscate my cigarettes?”

“Actually, no,” he shrugged, leaning against the wall. “I did worse shit than smoke when I was younger than you.”

She looked at him for moments, taking note of the faraway look in his eyes as he stared at the brick wall in front of him instead of her.

“What worse shit is that?” She asked curiously, almost regretting it when his eyes snapped back to her, a frown marring his face.

“If I was you, I wouldn’t get that curious about me,” he said in a low, dark voice, pushing himself off the wall and walking closer to her. Her back tensed a little, but she remained where she was as he approached. He stopped next to her, looking down at the ground as she stared at his profile, wide eyed and feeling unsure. Had she offended him? Why couldn’t she be curious about him?

“You’re a nice girl,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t talk to bastards like me.”

She stared as he immediately began walking away, her eyes wide and feeling a little sad as she watched his back disappear around the corner. Her breath left her in a rush as she fell back against the wall, frowning to herself and feeling a little disappointed that their conversation had been cut short. She didn’t think it was intentional, but he played the mystery card better than any man she’d ever seen or heard of. All he’d really done is pique her interest even more, and honestly, she needed to get a life because her mind was buzzing with the need to know more about him.

She had a feeling that he wouldn’t come back, not after that. But still, over the next few days, she still went out for a cigarette. Part of her hoped he’d show, even though it was weeks between the last two times. He seemed a little bothered that she’d asked him about himself, so she told herself that if she did see him again, she’d keep the conversation on more surface level topics.

————————————————————————-

It had been five days since she last saw Dabi, and she began to wonder if she would again. It didn’t seem likely as she walked home from school as usual, kicking a rock with her boot and sighing to herself.

“Hey pretty lady.”

Her eyes shot up, pausing her steps as she stared at a man with long blonde hair blocking her path. She shifted backwards at his lecherous smile. Though he was quite handsome in a ruggish way, his hazel eyes were dangerous - more so than Dabi, who was physically more frightening than this man. Dabi’s eyes looked dangerous, but they lacked the glint to intend harm towards her; not like this man.

She immediately looked around, gulping when she saw she was alone on the street, her eyes narrowing when he smirked knowingly.

“Are you lost, little lamb?” He asked sinisterly, taking a step towards her.

Before she could react, a hot hand enclosed around her upper arm, ripping her back harshly with a loud gasp. She blinked rapidly as she looked at the back of Dabi’s spiked hair and dark coat. His arms burst into blue flames as he raised one threateningly.

“Get lost before I make you fuel for my fire,” he said in a low, eerily calm voice. She peeked around Dabi, seeing the guy looking like he was about to shit himself before stumbling back and running like hell as Dabi extinguished his flames.

Her heart was pounding as she stared in disbelief when Dabi turned around. He was frowning, looking over her frame for moments, but his face continued to remain neutral.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded almost dumbly at his words, her face flushing as her heart punched her rib cage. Adrenaline and flattery ran over her all at once.

“A little shook up, maybe. But I’m okay…” she forced herself to say, a small smile curling on her lips.

—————————————————————————

Dabi’s eyes trailed over the woman, nodding his head and disliking the fucking tightening feeling in his stomach when he saw that skeev try to grab her. If she hadn’t been standing there, he would have roasted him alive.

Maybe he could find him later…He abruptly stopped that line of thinking. After all, why would he even do that? Why should he give a shit? The woman was curious, sure. She didn’t seem to be afraid of him or disgusted by his appearance. For fucks sake, if he didn’t know any better, he’d say she had some sort of fucking schoolgirl crush on him.

She had flushed and unconsciously batted her pretty eyes at him. If she did, she had to be fucking insane. She was pretty and curvy looking. If he were being honest, he’d always been attracted to soft looking women. Perhaps it was because he was so rough; everything about him was harsh. But not her, no. She wasn’t remotely what he’d consider thin.

He supposed he’d never suspected a woman was genuinely attracted to him before; as much as he loathed to admit it. He knew his scarring had ruined his appearance. He was fully aware that if he’d never been burned so severely, he would be very handsome. However, that wasn’t the case. So, he avoided women. Of course, he was a man. He’d occasionally look at porn, beat one out, or take back alley whores if he felt really pent up. Generally, women were afraid of him. But she didn’t seem to be; she intrigued him with her shy smiles and nervous glances. The way she chewed on her bottom lip nervously when she spoke to him made him want to throw her down on a bed, or perhaps shove her against a wall.

He didn’t have time for this. He had goals to accomplish. He couldn’t be thinking about…pursuing some…student? Even though she was an adult, it was laughable. Those things were fleeting and unimportant. It wasn’t something he needed, and he couldn’t afford to let these thoughts take up his time.

“I’ll walk you home,” he said, seeing her pretty eyes widen in alarm, making his jaw tense slightly. “You shouldn’t be fuckin’ walking home by yourself anyway, especially quirkless.”

He almost felt bad when her eyes widened and she averted her gaze, looking down at the ground. “I…don’t have a choice,” His nostrils flared. He was smart and could read between the lines. She was either poor, or her parents were shit; maybe even both. “I’ve done it for years and this is the first time…um…”

“A rapist tried to grab you?” He asked in a bored tone, trying not to smirk when her head snapped up as she looked at him a bit horror-struck. Her inexperience was obvious, and he knew it was likely because she was quirkless. He’d never been faced with a female that intrigued him past something carnal. Now that he had, he couldn’t help it when he burned with curiosity and want.

He wanted to fuck her brains out.

Still, he’d meant what he’d said. She seemed to be a nice, young woman- untainted. She really shouldn’t waste her time speaking with him when she could go find a nice man that worked in a cafe or some shit; not an older, heavily scarred man that killed whenever he felt like it and had only ever fucked whores. Regardless, she should be more afraid of him than the man that tried to grab her. He may have been a bottom-dweller, but Dabi highly doubted he was a serial killer.

Serial killer.

His stomach twisted in pleasure when she didn’t argue and nodded, hesitantly walking while he followed. He could easily find out where she lived, but clearly, she didn’t seem to mind. Why should she? He just “saved” her after all. She didn’t need to know he’d hesitated and thought about walking away.

He wasn’t some fucking hero.

“Thank you…by the way.”

Dabi’s jaw tensed at her soft words. Part of him was reeling in shock. If he were being honest, he didn’t think he’d really been thanked for anything before - not that he’d ever really done anything to inspire someone to feel thankful towards him. Though he had ideals of what a hero should be, he had zero desire to stick his neck out for random people. What the fuck was he supposed to say to her? You’re welcome? Fuck that. He chose not to answer, but she didn’t seem to mind. Her nervousness was still there, making him watch her closely out of his peripherals. Partly from curiosity and the other part was because truth be told, he did find her appealing, though he wouldn’t tell her that. He could see the way her stockings clung to her thighs, and he couldn’t help but to imagine his rough fingers digging into her soft flesh.

He knew it would feel so fucking good.

———————————————————————-

“So…did you just happen to be around, or were you following me or something?” She asked, half jokingly and half serious. Seriously, she’d been halfway home when he popped out of nowhere. It would have been a weird circumstance, now that she thought about it. But, perhaps her crushed-riddled, insane mind was being hopeful. Logically, she knew it was a bad sign if it were true. It wasn’t something she should be hoping for.

But she couldn’t bring herself to care.

She paused when he suddenly stopped, making her turn to look at his neutral face, her heart pounding in her chest. He was looking at her blankly, giving nothing away except for the burn of his eyes.

“Why would I follow you?” He asked in a low voice, barely moving his lips as her face warmed from the sheer heat of his cobalt eyes.

“…I don’t know. Why would you?” She replied in a low voice, seeing his brow cock slightly in amusement.

“I wouldn’t,” he said so blandly, that she had no choice but to believe him. “I just happened to be around. If you must know, I almost walked away anyway.”

Her heart stuttered in her chest, her feelings a little hurt before she reminded herself that she was a stranger to him. He wasn’t a hero. He just didn’t seem the type. If anything, she’d say he looked more like a villain, but that was unfair and judgmental of his appearance.

His cobalt eyes looked curious as he looked over her reaction; or lack of reaction. “You aren’t offended?” He asked in a gravely voice; so gravely, she wondered if his injuries to his skin extended to his voice box. His voice was so deep, especially for his lean frame.

It sent pleasurable shivers down her spine.

“No, not really,” she shrugged, scratching her cheek. “Most people don’t want to be involved, do they?”

His brows knitted immediately, his intense eyes flashing in annoyance, as though he didn’t want to hear he was like most people. She wanted to tell him he definitely wasn’t like others, but she wasn’t sure if that was equally offensive. Though she she’d never met anyone like him before.

She paused in front of her house, glancing at him nervously. Should she invite him in? He just saved her, after all.

“Would you, um, like…tea or coffee, maybe?” She asked hesitantly, twisting her hands in front of her as he looked at her blandly. Her heart was thumping, knowing he’d refuse…wouldn’t he? Was it weird that she asked?

He half-smirked, looking genuinely amused as she swallowed thickly, feeling nervous. “You want to have tea with…me?” He asked in a low voice, as though he’d never been asked something more ridiculous. He looked like he was going to refuse, or perhaps even laugh at her, but he surprised her when nodded slowly, curiosity sparking in his eyes.

She gave him a nervous smile as she fumbled with her keys, knowing it would be Monday before her mom came home. She finally opened the door, gesturing an arm out as she moved to take off her shoes. He nodded and his heavy boots stepped in the door, his bright eyes moving around her mothers sophisticated decor for moments before bending down and sliding his boots off. She took notice of his black socks as he sat the shoes next to the door, looking over at her with a cocked brow.

“Does your room look like this…stepford wife shit?” He gestured a long arm around her mothers pristine living room, making her chuckle and shake her head.

“My mom…likes everything to be perfect,” she shrugged. “I’m….” she trailed off, his eyes cutting to her as she stopped talking. But, what was she supposed to say? Unwanted because I’m not perfect? Hidden away? Her quirkless, fat daughter.

“I’m uh…not what she hoped I’d be, I guess,” she finished, feeling his eyes burning into her as his brows furrowed and he looked away.

He snorted softly. “That makes two of us, then,” he said in a deep, low voice. Her eyes widened slightly. Did he actually offer a piece of information about himself to her? Before she could linger on it, he spoke up again. “So, where’s that tea you said you were gonna make?”

“Oh!” She exclaimed as he walked further into the apartment, his black socks contrasting against the white of the carpet. “Make yourself at home and I’ll start the tea.”

She watched out of her peripherals as he slid over to the couch, falling down heavily. Her face flushed slightly when she saw him manspread, hooking his arm over the back of the couch.

Fuck, if her mother could see him on her expensive, suede couch? She’d surely have a heart attack and kick her out.

If she were being honest, the thought thrilled her. She tried to keep her eyes off of him as she boiled the water for the tea, biting back a smile when he picked up the remote, turning the living room tv on without a care in the world. Well, she did tell him to make himself at home.

She finished up the tea, putting it on a tray and bringing it in the living room, sitting it down and noting with amusement that he’d turned on a rock video music channel. Absurdly, she thought that was fitting for him, even though she didn’t know him at all.

She poured his tea, and then hers and began preparing it. She paused when she noticed he was watching her, then glanced down at his cup.

“It’s not poisoned,” she let out a bark of laughter, his cobalt eyes narrowing slightly. She had been joking, but she saw from his serious expression that she hit the nail on the head.

Just who was he to worry about his food being poisoned?

She held out her hand for his cup, and he silently handed it over to her. His blazing eyes watched intently as she clearly took a drink from his cup, handing it back to him.

He took the cup, looking down at it once more.

“What now? Afraid it has cooties?” She said with humor, his eyes flicking up to her face. A small smirk curled the corner of his mouth, her heart fluttering as he raised the cup to his lips. It pleased her as he took a few sips, his eyes trailing back to the tv.

She tried to watch too, but the object of her…thoughts…was sitting on her couch - with a manspread, of all things. God, he looked like he invented man-spreading. He had a casual elegance about him that almost didn’t fit his dark aesthetic. Up close, she could see he wasn’t nearly as thin as she initially thought. His coat had hid most of his frame, but now that he was sitting, she could somewhat see he was actually…muscular. She could see his pecs peeking through the top of his baggy, white shirt.

She swallowed thickly, looking away and towards the tv before he caught her.

She jumped almost violently when a ringing noise sounded from his jacket. She looked over at him as he sighed, sitting his cup down on the table and pulling a cell phone out of his inner coat pocket. His relaxed, neutral face became firm with irritation as he looked at the screen, tapping it and putting it to his pierced ear.

“What?” He answered rudely, his expression turning lazy as he listened, making her look down at her tea. She didn’t want to look like she was eavesdropping…should she leave the room? “None of your business - what do you want?”

She chewed her lip and sipped her tea as he fell quiet again, listening to whoever called him. By his displeasure and rudeness, she could only assume it wasn’t a girlfriend or something. It didn’t even occur to her that he could have a girlfriend. If he did, this wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? It was innocent tea, but she….

Is he married? He is twenty-four, after all.

She looked up slightly, observing his left hand that was resting on his thigh. It was devoid of any rings, and it’s not like he had an aversion to jewelry with all his ear and nose piercings…

“…Fine.”

She looked up, seeing him hang up the phone and quickly down the rest of the tea in his cup before standing, causing her to do the same. She looked at him expectantly as he looked over at her, his neutral face giving nothing away.

“I have to go,” he said simply, his voice sounding bored. He looked away, walking towards his boots near the door while she shifted. He offered no explanation; not that she expected him to.

She felt her curiosity thicken as he slid his boots on. She knew she couldn’t question him. The last time she innocently had, he’d shut down even more (if such a thing was possible). The last thing she wanted to do was push the intriguing man away more, but she couldn’t stop the question from flowing from her lips when his large hand landed on the knob of her front door.

“Will I see you again?” She blurted, seeing him freeze at the door, his back looking a little stiff as his black head whipped around. His expression gave nothing away as he gave her a disinterested stare, making her feel self-conscious.

His next words surprised her. “Do you want to see me again?” He asked in a dull tone, tilting his head slightly, a minuscule smirk curling the corner of his lips.

Her face immediately flushed, his intuitive eyes moving over her cheeks, causing her to look down at her feet like the coward she was. “I-I mean…yes?” Her confirmation came out more of a question than anything else, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment from rippling over her skin.

He was quiet for moments. She chanced looking up, seeing his eyes were squinted, his jaw ticking slightly before he sharply looked away. He stared at the wall next to the door for moments with a furrowed brow, as though he was seriously debating never seeing her again.

That was likely exactly what he was doing.

“Maybe.”

His sudden, one word reply brought her neither rejection or hope. He didn’t look at her again as he exited her house, closing the door behind him. She released a breath, letting her back hit the wall. She wrapped her arm around her stomach, the telling fluttering feeling that had been present during his entire presence still lingering.

“Fuck.”

Part 2

[green-cinnamon-stick]

Louis De Pointe Du Lac: A Study on Memory

Okay this started off as me berating myself for watching "I Could Not Prevent It" before work. And devolved into revelations. So enjoy my sleep deprived ramblings. Spoilers ahead for S2.

Okay why the fuck did I watch this episode knowing I have a week of hell at work ahead of me? Because now I'm spiraling going through the tag on Twitter. There is SO much nuance added to Loustat. And after hours upon hours of the manipulation that is Loumand, to finally have Loustat again is driving me mad. Because we got them back but at what cost? This isn't them and because so much of Paris is laced with Armand, it's hard to tell what's real from what we think is real. Hell Armand said the very same. But I don't mean the obviously not real elements like the trial. I mean the times Lestat breaks character, but instead of adding to what Louis told us, it's almost a complete rewrite. Which brings into question how unstable Louis' mind actually is. Louis who is attentive and consistently praises Daniel for his memory. Daniel who is not a spring chicken and had a very serious drug addiction for almost a decade. The man whose memory shouldn't be as intact as it is. Why does he recall more than the vampire who's supposed to be better than humans. Yes time warps things but complete rewrites? Is Louis' brain and memory that fragile or is this more manipulation from Armand? Which also begs the question, how much is Armand doctoring Louis' memory? After the San Francisco episode they want us to believe if he can rewrite a week, he can do more. But what if he HASN'T done that much. What's Louis' actual mental decline and what's Armand? We also still have no explanation for Lestat outside of Louis potentially being schizophrenic...........holy shit I think I just answered my own question.

Schizophrenia is a genetic trait. I've been saying it's the trauma because I wrote off Paul as an anomaly in their family. But what if he's not? What if Louis' own schizophrenia was simply delayed BECAUSE of the vampirism. But time is catching up to him and the immortal blood can only do so much. "Law number 2: The Dark Gifts must never be given to the crippled." The law goes on to say it's because the gift should be bestowed on beauteous people as a laugh in the face of god. But time and time again we've heard it can't be given to children who are also considered crippled, because their brains can not handle it. It has nothing to do with beauty and everything to do with vampirism exacerbating issues. When Lestat made Louis he seemed of sound mind and body, and he was...because it hadn't started yet. And a vampire surviving brutal injuries in turn makes them stronger. Louis burns himself his first day. The fall was his first big recovery. Then the burning in SF. He's gotten stronger which keeps the decline at bay. But he's growing weaker living in that tomb of an apartment. Armand goes out but Louis stays home. Isolated.

He tried to break free with Daniel once. Here we are again and would you look at that...his memory is suddenly coming back clearer. Okay I need to sleep before I dig even deeper into whether or not I'm way off base or I've cracked the code.

[nikethestatue]

so confused how people see Az as an entitled fuckboi but still ship him with their beloved Gwyn when:

1. This man pined over Mor for 500 YEARS. Not days, hours - YEARS. He is 540 and pined over Mor for 500 of those??? Insane.

2. The reason he moved on from Mor was Elain - this is not debatable, that is canon text. Cassian (you know, lord of bloodshed, the MOST reliable narrator, Velaris fashion police) even notes Az has moved on. Nesta knows WHY Az has moved on. Az clearly shows he is at the very least, attracted to elain (obsessed, head over wings, but potato potahto I guess)

3. This man was tortured by his family. He does not have good self esteem. He already thinks his position as spymaster/lead torturer is bad, he is ashamed of his own hands and struggles with feeling worthy on a GOOD DAY. He knows it’s wrong to have feelings for Elain (bc she has a mate and he was ordered to stay away from her) but HE STILL HAS them. He can’t help it, he loves her?? Is that not the most heart wrenching thing youve heard?? How is he entitled when man himself doesn’t feel worthy of even touching her NECK???

Like how can you read that bonus chapter and say “yeah Az is an incel he is a fuckboi only lusting after elain” like this dude is clearly torturing himself with the feelings he has for her ?? How is he only after sex?? Do we want to whip out Cassian & Rhys’s POVs about their mates? The same thoughts.

It boggles my mind, truly, to attempt to understand gwynriel. elucien - I don’t ship but I do understand. They have been declared mates…that’s about all they have but at least that is there.

How can they be out here saying Az is evil incel fuckboi but then ship him with Gwyn… a priestess that was SA-ed and going on her own healing journey?? It makes no sense.

“Oh but elain needs light and azriel is just darkness she won’t be able to understand him” idk seems like it’s been said multiple times they understand each other without a single word.

“Elain can’t handle his darkness, Gwyn will heal him” … heal him how exactly? Through her laughter and song and pliable bones? Like she is not a therapist. She is bad with secrets (canonically). She can’t even leave the library. So what makes HER capable of handling “azriels darkness” like ?? What is she going to do someone please genuinely tell me? I would ask a gwynriel but they will get angry and tell me I’m a monster against SA victims or some bs.

Also what the actual hell is this so called “azriel’s darkness”?? Why we doing this “I can fix him” mentality in 2024? Sure man has got self image insecurity issues but it’s something HE has to fix … himself…

All I ever see from gwynriels is the craziest shit they are trying to pass off as theory because they literally hate elain!!? They ship elucien… only so it gets elain away from NC

They send her to spring court to be with tamlin and the flowers. They send her to day court to be with sunlight(? Even tho the night court has… sun…?)

They say she will turn evil. They say it’s only lust between them. They say she looks bad in black (this girl is described as having beauty to bring kings to their knees… I don’t think people care that she allegedly cannot pull off black)

They hate elain because elain is beautiful and kind and sweet and NOT a warrior and they don’t connect with her. And the loooooove azriel bc honestly a man who doesn’t say anything is just easier to shape to someone’s own fantasies. And they looove Gwyn because she is pretty enough (not devastating beauty) and vague enough that they can self insert.

And elain is also still a character in development. But the few things we know about her were apparently dammning enough that they have written her off completely.

But the fact is she’s the only character relevant enough and has shown an interest in azriel that is reciprocated. So why are we even fighting still? It’s been over since SJM wrote “death and the lovely fawn” even after she made her mated to Lucien.

He is only an incel fuckboi when it comes to Elain though. It's never with anyone else. With Gwyn he is a gallant hero.

Yeah, I never understood what qualifications Gwyn possesses to 'heal Azriel's trauma' especially considering her extremely, EXTREMELY limited life experience. She is 28, acting like she is 13, because she's lived in a closed environment all her life, had her basic chores, but everything was taken care of for her. Then she moved to the Library, where she is in the same situation. Not denying *her* trauma, but she barely dealt with it herself, and until Nesta, didn't do a very good job at it either. She only just began functioning, though still unable to join society and doesn't want to leave the Library. Even to go to a wedding! And this is the person they think is going to 'heal' Azriel's darkness? Can 500 year old 'darkness' even be healed? I feel like Azriel is what he is and I don't think there is much 'healing' that's going to happen. He is essentially Lorcan--he'd thaw for his girl, he'll be friends with Cassian and Nesta, and that's pretty much it. And the girl who'll accept him, who already accepted him is Elain.

Also, GA girlies need to remember that it's not a woman's job to 'fix' a guy and his 'darkness'. It's Azriel's responsibility, if he so desires.

Will never hear an Elriel talking about Elain 'healing Azriel's darkness'. Homeboy better take care of that himself because there is Dusk Court shit to take care of.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Time Travel and Why It's So Confusing

Alright, you confused hoes. Thanks for the flooding the ask box with your confused screaming and man questions. I'll do a consolidated post here so it's here. Be warned, this might help or make this even worse lmao.

BASICS

The first thing you need to know is that Other Max is the first time traveller in the time loop. If there is such a thing as time loop, someone has to start it. It was Other Max who did first.

Regular Max (?) has an Other Max, and one day Regular Max could possibly become an Other Max - but it really depends on the circumstances.

A lot of things are changing in the Current Timeline and that means that whatever triggered Other Max to time travel may or may not occur/trigger Regular Max. But that is not a concern for us right now. 

So, yes. Other Max is the first time traveler. So, he didn’t have an Other Max - which means the Other Timeline is different than the Current Timeline. Both in slight and significant ways - but I can’t tell you all the changes right now. 

Let’s look at the changes we already know - because they’ve mentioned in the story in one way or another.

The White Warlock

There is obviously no White Warlock in the Other Timeline. It also means Other Max didn't do illegal shit (like selling blood) and he wasn't pursued by Iris etc. It also means Other Mavid family didn't have as much money (We'll learn more about this later).

Lance and the Prophecy 

As Lucifer mentioned, the prophecy has already been fulfilled. Meaning, in the Other Timeline, Lance actually destroyed Idris. We don’t know what triggered him or what the consequences of it was, but we know it happened. This could happen in the Current Timeline, but we don’t know that yet. We are yet to find out. 

The Crimson King 

Kincaid doesn’t exist in the Other Timeline - which is one of the reasons why the prophecy was fulfilled since there was no one to stop Lance. Also, Kincaid doesn’t exist because Other Max was the reason he was born (by selling angel blood to Kyle). Now why did Other Max do it? We don’t know yet.

The Leylines and Blackouts 

In the Other Timeline, these issues were fixed with Mallory’s help (in exchange for Max promising to keep seeing her).  In the Current Timeline, the leyline issue and blackouts were fixed by Other Max (remember he worked with the Eldest Curses to do it and then he erased their memories). He was able to do this in the Current Timeline because he knew the warlock math to do it - and he’d rather use math than use Mallory’s help again (mood). 

David’s Memories 

In the Other Timeline, David doesn’t get his memories back since it’s Other Max who gave it back to him. It significantly affects his mental health (as we saw) and makes him feel quite guilty/sad all the time. He lives that way for the rest of his life. Regular David, while still struggles with his mental health, doesn’t have this issue. You can say it’s one less trauma for him to deal with. 

Mallory and Max 

Mallory was alive in the Other Timeline (as we just saw). Other Max had to visit her every day (until he stopped giving a fuck). 

Other Max didn’t kill her in his timeline, but killed her in the Current Timeline - which means Regular Max didn’t have to visit her every day and be traumatised by it. 

One of you had asked if Mallory is dead (because Other Max killed her), how come we still saw her? Wouldn’t that mean she’s dead in the past too?

Nope. Not at all. Remember we read the prologue from his POV, his POV will NEVER change no matter what - because he is the time traveller.

You can't change the past, only the future.

What Other Max does in the Current Timeline doesn’t change his past, (as he wrote on his notebook), it only changes the future. So, whatever changes he does, only Regular Max will benefit from it, not him. 

Let’s Dissect Further. 

Let’s say Other Max stops the prophecy from being fulfilled, via Kincaid or through some other way, that does not mean that when he goes back to his own timeline, he’ll get to live through an alternative timeline again. Remember, he doesn’t go back to the past, he goes back to the future (hehehe). So, when he returns to his own timeline, it’s still 720 years later, so he won’t get to see/live through Lance not destroying Idris. His memory of his Lance, will still be the same. Simply pit, he doesn't get to reap the benefits of his efforts, only Regular Max does (which one of the reasons why Other Max keeps calling him ungrateful).

If you’re still confused, think of it this way.

Let’s say Other Lance killed Other Magnus and Other Alec when he destroyed Idris (just an example!!!). When Other Max changes everything and goes back to his timeline (720 years from the Current Timeline), Magnus will be alive (because the past is different now) but Alec will still be dead (because it’s still centuries later).

Other Max can't return to his past - only to the future.

Remember - his past is the Current Timeline. It's not a separate thing he can live/return to.

SO - Other Max won’t have the memories or experiences of Regular Max.

He’ll still remember his parents dying and Lance destroying Idris etc. I repeat, nothing will change for him - not in a personal sense. Maybe when he goes back, Idris will be intact. But that doesn’t mean his memories would be altered the same as the Current Timeline/Regular Max.

Even if Idris is saved in the Current Timeline, HE would still remember what actually happened and he would still know the truth. Other Magnus (if saved as I mentioned) might not remember, because his reality has been altered now. But Other Max will still know the reality is different only because he changed. Because he is the time traveler.

That’s pretty fucked up, tbh. Poor thing. 

But yeah. That’s kind of the essence of it. Like I already hinted, Other Max plays a huge role in LBAF VI. So, we’ll keep exploring this more. 

But I hope this helped (or made things worse hehe). Just remember it took Other Max 720 years to figure out all of this out, so it’s okay if you’re confused. Time Travel is supposed to be a clusterfuck. That’s how you know someone is time travelling. 

Note: The events of Lance’s birth/Joseph’s death/The Trial/Madeleine-David fall out were pretty much the same in both timelines. 

The only difference is that in the Current Timeline David asks Other Max to travel through time and make sure Lance isn’t born (instead of simply asking ‘have you figured out time travel yet?). But Other Max refuses to do it. 

Okay. I’ll stop now. Happy to answer more questions :)

[ao3feed-irondadspiderson]

Project Protect The Itsy Bitsy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56541271 by itzthatlonely_reader Peter ends up in Gotham with some…Unexpected Parental Figures. Now he has to survive the World of Gotham Crime with The Avengers Flanking him left and right. Why Is he the only one who De-Aged!? So unfair Or I wanted a Gotham-Avengers Fic with Peter-Centric Content Words: 317, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), DCU, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, T'Challa (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Wade Wilson, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Clark Kent, Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) Relationships: Peter Parker & Everyone, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Avengers Team Members & Peter Parker, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Bruce Wayne, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members & Peter Parker, Dick Grayson & Peter Parker, Barbara Gordon & Peter Parker, Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU) & Peter Parker Additional Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Natasha Romanov Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Stephen Strange Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, The Avengers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figures, There's A Tag For That, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parent-Child Relationship, Family Issues, Everyone Has Issues, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker-centric, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter Parker Has Fangs, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Has Sensory Issues, De-Aged Peter Parker, Can you tell I’m invested in Peter Parker?, Avengers Family, Protective Avengers, Peter Parker is a Damsel in Distress, Peter Parker is a Batfamily Member (DCU), not really - Freeform, Not Canon Compliant, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Sorry Not Sorry read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/56541271

[lsdunesarchive]

Past Lives album notes, by Anthony Green - Apple Music

(video credit)

When Thursday drummer Tucker Rule sent Circa Survive and Saosin vocalist Anthony Green some songs to check out during COVID lockdown, the singer wasn’t aware that he was being recruited for an emo supergroup. “When the pandemic hit, every band out there was trying to figure out how to stay alive,” Green tells Apple Music. “I was freaking out, so I was trying to stay busy. Tucker said he had a project with a couple friends and asked me to sing on it. The songs were really good, so I went for it.”

It wasn’t until after Green had recorded vocals for a few songs that Rule revealed the rest of the band’s lineup: My Chemical Romance guitarist Frank Iero, Coheed and Cambria guitarist Travis Stever and Thursday bassist Tim Payne. “I’m glad he didn’t tell me,” Green says. “I would’ve felt so much more pressure.” Below, the singer details each track on L.S. Dunes’ debut. 

2022

“It’s definitely one of the most personal songs I’ve ever written. I guess all the songs are personal, but the heaviness of that song is about wondering if I would’ve been better off dead than alive. I know a lot of people go through that—it’s not just me—but it’s a hard song for me to play because it makes me feel all the feelings I had when I wrote it. All that insecurity and all that fucking heaviness comes back. If I could not play it, I would, but the band really loves that song.” 

Antibodies

“That was one of the first songs I put vocals to for Dunes. It was at the beginning of quarantine, everyone was isolated and there was a rift between people who were like, ‘I’ll do whatever I can to try to make this thing less brutal on people with compromised immune systems and people that are more susceptible to getting bad COVID’ and people who were like, ‘I don’t give a shit, and I don’t think it’s that bad.’ So, the song comes from feeling isolated and trying to get my head around the idea that some people didn’t give a shit if someone’s grandma or father or mother was gonna die.” 

Grey Veins

“I’ve been in a lot of projects with a lot of people, and when I sat down to write this song, I was thinking a lot about whether or not I was doing too much. Sometimes I wonder, ‘Am I going to make people sick of me? Am I doing too many things?’ I kind of answered that question with this song being like, ‘Fuck, no’. I’m just going to fucking play and make as much music as I can here, and I don’t have to explain it to anybody or to live up to anybody else’s standards. I just need to do what makes me happy and to do it as fearlessly as I possibly can.” 

Like Forever

“I’ve been going through addiction stuff my entire life. As you get older and the more you work on it, you get a little time clean and then something happens, and you relapse. That’s not part of everybody’s story, but it was part of my journey—and man, it sucks. Having to explain it to somebody, having to deal with the hurt and confusion you cause other people when you relapse…maybe some people don’t want to talk to you after that. They don’t want to be in your life because they don’t want to deal with the stress of loving you. This song deals with that shame and trying to figure out how to get back on a healthy path.”

Blender

“This song is so stoney and heavy. Lyrically, it has to do with my mental health issues and being bipolar. It’s funny because the song is bipolar in and of itself because the verses are very low, and then the choruses are at the very top of my range. It’s not an accident that it goes from one extreme to the other. It very much symbolises the theme of the song, which is me wrestling and coming to grips with the nature of my mood swings, my personality and my fears.”

Past Lives

“This song was inspired by the statues of Confederate soldiers and Christopher Columbus coming down, and the idea of history writing itself rather than going down this lane of total bullshit. Being able to change the narrative in schools so that people are learning the truth about the foundation of this country and the violence at the core of it. It should be taught in school that we massacred people and decimated cultures. I have to deal with parents in my kids' school who think that it’s bad to teach kids about slavery. It’s wild that people don’t want to teach the truth about something.”

It Takes Time

“I wrote this song about Frank. He was in an accident and really fucked up his wrist and hand, and he had to get surgery during the recording of the album. We had to take a big break from sharing music because he couldn’t play guitar. I don’t think he knew if he was ever going to be able to play again. So, I was thinking about him and his relationship with his instrument. The song opens up with, ‘Hello? I’m not sure if you remember, we connected a long time ago.’ That’s him talking to his guitar and his muse. I don’t always write a song for someone else from their perspective, but I did that with this.”

Bombsquad

“This is another one that came up around politics during COVID. I was thinking about how people were lying through their teeth about stuff just to save face—just making shit up, essentially. And the ability that some people had to just detach from reality and pretend that their shithead president was actually helping. It has a lot to do with QAnon and some of the people in my life that were falling for that shit.” 

Grifter

“This is one of my favourites. I wrote this song about trying to start over. With each of these projects that I’m doing, I’m digging and I’m trying to find something. Music is a religion to me, and I think that ‘Grifter’ is questioning whether I’ve made it into a religion in a way that’s unhealthy. I centre everything around music and rely on it a lot, and it’s turned into something I worship. I’m sort of questioning whether or not that’s a healthy thing.”

Permanent Rebellion

“This is another song that’s 100 per cent about trying to drop the baggage of our old bands and trying to do something a little bit different with different people.”

Sleep Cult

“I did an interview where I talked a little bit about suicide, and then I realised that my kids were going to see that. There’re things that I’m realising my kids are going to see and hear, and I want to jump in front of it and go to them and explain myself and really let them know me, so they don’t ever see or hear anything where they’re like, ‘Oh shit, this is really heavy.’ I just want to make sure I’m creating an environment for them where they know me and they can talk to me about anything they need, so they don’t ever feel like they’re alone in this world.”

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Project Protect The Itsy Bitsy

by itzthatlonely_reader Peter ends up in Gotham with some…Unexpected Parental Figures. Now he has to survive the World of Gotham Crime with The Avengers Flanking him left and right. Why Is he the only one who De-Aged!? So unfair Or I wanted a Gotham-Avengers Fic with Peter-Centric Content Words: 317, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), DCU, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, T'Challa (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Wade Wilson, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Clark Kent, Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) Relationships: Peter Parker & Everyone, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Avengers Team Members & Peter Parker, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Bruce Wayne, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members & Peter Parker, Dick Grayson & Peter Parker, Barbara Gordon & Peter Parker, Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU) & Peter Parker Additional Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Natasha Romanov Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Stephen Strange Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, The Avengers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figures, There's A Tag For That, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parent-Child Relationship, Family Issues, Everyone Has Issues, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker-centric, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter Parker Has Fangs, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Has Sensory Issues, De-Aged Peter Parker, Can you tell I’m invested in Peter Parker?, Avengers Family, Protective Avengers, Peter Parker is a Damsel in Distress, Peter Parker is a Batfamily Member (DCU), not really - Freeform, Not Canon Compliant, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Sorry Not Sorry via https://ift.tt/SKPktxB

[ao3feed-drstrange]

Project Protect The Itsy Bitsy

by itzthatlonely_reader Peter ends up in Gotham with some…Unexpected Parental Figures. Now he has to survive the World of Gotham Crime with The Avengers Flanking him left and right. Why Is he the only one who De-Aged!? So unfair Or I wanted a Gotham-Avengers Fic with Peter-Centric Content Words: 317, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), DCU, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, T'Challa (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Wade Wilson, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Clark Kent, Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) Relationships: Peter Parker & Everyone, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Avengers Team Members & Peter Parker, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Bruce Wayne, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members & Peter Parker, Dick Grayson & Peter Parker, Barbara Gordon & Peter Parker, Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU), Avengers Team Members (Marvel) & Justice League (DCU) & Peter Parker Additional Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Natasha Romanov Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Stephen Strange Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, The Avengers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figures, There's A Tag For That, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parent-Child Relationship, Family Issues, Everyone Has Issues, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker-centric, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter Parker Has Fangs, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Has Sensory Issues, De-Aged Peter Parker, Can you tell I’m invested in Peter Parker?, Avengers Family, Protective Avengers, Peter Parker is a Damsel in Distress, Peter Parker is a Batfamily Member (DCU), not really - Freeform, Not Canon Compliant, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Sorry Not Sorry via https://ift.tt/ovmF2q0

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Kisses In the Dark-A PodPlay- Kinda. Day 6 of Exploring Con Content

Spoilers for Kisses in The Dark

Warnings up to chapter 5: Abuse, stalking, murder, eating/slurping up humans, nonconsensual kissing(it's how he kills people), cheating, implied/brief sex scenes, brief mentions of a past abortion. 

I HAD SO MANY ISSUES TRYING TO LISTEN TO THIS. Chapters 1-4 worked fine. However, with chapter 5 I could not listen past the 5:46 minute mark. 'All right' I thought, after trying to find other sites streaming it and getting the same error 'I'll just skip the chapter'. So I did, and at 5:21 of chapter 6, it also flashed that error.

So what I have below is essentially judging chapters 1-4. I had complaints about the narrative and romance progression, but since I can't see their whole arc, this will be about vibes.

So for this 8ish hour multi voiced audio series, the main love interest is voiced by Con O'Niell, named John. Opposite to the love interest voiced by Rhiannon Clements, Kate. 

My favorite things before we get deeper is the notable roles for Con O'Neill listed on the summary is Chernobyl(fair, as you'd likely recognize his voice) and The Batman. This came out Nov. 2020. The Batman came out 2022. So whoever wrote up this summary for the book Googled Cons IMDB, saw that he was in this movie, prayed that someone would care, and just slapped that on. Not knowing Con was mostly in the background and had less than 20 lines of dialogue. But can you imagine your only reference for the romantic lead of this story being the asshole from Chernobyl. Funniest shit ever. He had so many other roles to choose from guys! Maybe they didn't want his more queer roles to be listed for a straight romance? 

Now, I have a bias to favor Queer stories; I know this about myself and often try to stay to my own lane. Not out of hatred but so much of the media that I consume isn't queer. Be it movies or day time television. So what I read/listen to is one of the easiest spaces to curate exactly what I want.

So when I read the title/synopsis I was skeptical, but willing to give it a shot. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am here for Con. I likely would not have listened to this project if not for him. In fact, I found John much more charming than I would have if John had been played by a different voice actor. Considering I was essentially just imagining a more pissed-off Izzy Hands being our protagonist. It's a real'if I didn't find this man hot, this would be creepy' situation.

This story is about a broken old Lovecraftian monster of a man who falls for the lady next door who's stuck in an abusive relationship. I realize that if either party swapped gender, or our male protagonist showed interest in men(beyond wanting to eat them), I know that I would have enjoyed this more. Because this is a standard romantic horror book, almost every cliché is touched and I predicted the twist that some people post online about. Yet there is something inherently queer in monster stories. Creatures that feel othered by society; that need to hide to be safe. So while yeah, it's a romantic novel, it still has some othered element to it. 

Overall I didn't hate it as much as I'd expected. I admire how each murder was described and Con adds a fun disassociated element to the character in his narration. Like he's been killing for so long, nothing phases him. The chapter where he kills five guys at the amusement park, Bloody Minds, was a highlight.

The romantic moments were sweet(that I could hear). The dancing and trying to show her the fun parts of life were very much trying to relate to the target audience. 

Again, I don't know exactly how it ends but see the story beats. If anyone below wants to summaries the story that tells me where these two end up in the end (together, dead, separate), I'd be grateful. I did enjoy this, I just can't find a way to listen to it, and I'd rather mentally close off this series than wait just in case.This is the only website I see anyone talking about this pod series.

I know it gets more cliché, but I was starting to care about where they go as a couple. Mainly cause I see it as a doomed love situation.

AS FOR CON!

Yes. Con either needed a better mic, and/or a pop filter. I got used to the static effect, and the editors did their best to cover it up with background sound. There are only a few points where it was noticeable. Con does a soft narrator voice that's easy to listen to, with some difficulty with enunciation and the fact I don't hear his accent all too often.

Yes. He is the most enjoyable part of this project. The lady doing the performance for Kate does a good job and I did grow to enjoy the performance, but she's just doing the role. Classic vampire craving humanity again storyline, with some fantastic imagery thrown in. I thought the age gap between the voice actors would bother me, but he's literally a century-old creature. So, eh.

Lovecraftian Izzy is a tag I keep an eye out for on AO3, so to see essentially that here was great. It was fun seeing him portray the souls trapped inside of John. Some more 'cringe' bits out of context, but if you listen to how his voice acts Mohg from Elden Ring, it gives off the same vibe. He portrayed desperate-sad-lonely falling in 'Love' very well.

The few sex scenes so far were non intrusive and fade to black in nature, besides her first fantasy.

It bugs me that we don't get a clear understanding on how The Kiss works. Cause he can kiss her skin, but it won't kill her? Is it an orifice thing? Cause he killed a guy sticking his tongue down his ear, so...

Highly recommend it if you already read these sort of stories or are on the fence and just want to hear Con and have some time to put it on in the background.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Performance: 8/10 for everyone all around. A few duds in side characters with a few speaking lines, but overall good stuff from everyone. All the scenes between Kate and John are fun and well acted.

Editing: 8/10 Fun background music and sound effect stuff going on. Super nonintrusive, and when it is, it's too point.

Story/Writing: 6-7/10; you've seen it before. From what I've seen people complain online, the story gets worse at the very end. Don't really know why, but yeah. Sadly, I guessed that there was a god interfering here. I'm glad John didn't just immediately kill her abusive boyfriend, but god, I'm mad I couldn't hear about it. I read an Izzy Hands/John fic out of curiosity and it really pointed out how melodramatic and gothic the writing here is. The way this world is described is very fun, and something that could be fun to emulate in my own writing.

Pacing for an audio medium 7/10: The first chapter is a bit slow, but after a few murders, it picks up well.

Overall 7-8/10. Fun if you go in with low expectations. Again, this might go down if I ever finish Hard Shadows, True Stories, and Sacrifice. But I just can't find a way, sadly.

If you've read this and want somewhere to talk about it down below, don't be afraid to spoil! I love all the comments and likes I get for doing this.

Have an amazing day y'all!

@ivegotnonameidea thanks again for the rec!

Next, who knows? We'll see, probably a movie, and knock through some of everyone's suggestions.

[sigmadolos]

Anonymous said: Proshippers aren’t drama hun, they’re vile pedophiles using RP to whack off to. If you are okay following people like that.I’m gonna warn all my bsd moots to block you asap for condoning nasty shit

  In all my years on Tumblr I’ve never had to deal with this sort of bs and I don’t like to give voice to hate, but alright here we go. Although I am fighting the flu and is like 5 a.m. so maybe not my most coherent post.

Anon, I don’t see you posting hate about Kafka Asagiri? You know, the man who WROTE BSD and the characters? The one who allows for child soldiers to blow themselves up? Who blew up a bus full of orphans? Who has Dazai abusing the shit out of Akutagawa? Or Naomi and Junichirio (esp Bones for this one) ? That’s problematic my friend. MOST media is problematic. But people LOVE Fyodor, they LOVE Dazai, but heaven forbid someone like’s Mori or some of these other characters. You can like a character and not condone what the character does. Dazai kills, Fyodor kills, Chuuya kills, Sigma kills. Does that mean I condone killing because I write a character that kills? No. Nor do i condone the religious extremism of Fyodor, or the torture Nikolai puts people though, or a million other things in media that I like. Also, I like mythology and let me tell you. That shit is problematic as fuck but funny enough, a lot of people even anti’s are like well no, THAT’S okay! Which.......I genuinely do not understand. Like...why is THAT okay? I do genuinely want to hear an explanation for that.

I don’t deal with the whole pro/anti shipper drama that goes around these days. But if I don’t like something? I block it. Be it a person, a ship tag, a character tag, whatever it is. YOU are responsible for curating your space. There are ships I loathe, ships that disgust me and I never ever want to see, and so I block those tags and that’s that. Easy, drama-free, and now my space is free from it. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR (well my in this example) responsibility to curate your online space. And that’s what blocking is for. I can recommend Tumblr Servant as an extension, you can write a URL or tag or whatever in it and have it so it’s not just blocked but just never appears if the URL is mentioned anywhere in the post. There’s a lot of subjects that need to be handled VERY carefully like abuse and mental illnesses and such, and I for one would never ever write certain topics in RP or ever, like pedophilia or rape & so on and so forth. And I don’t follow those who do because it makes me uncomfortable to see in RP. If your issue is DazAku and DazAtsu (which doesn’t?? even apply to me??) in both cases they’re 2 years different and both are 20+ ? And if its something about it not being perfectly healthy, boy do I have news for you because Soukoku, Fyolai, Fyozai, Shin-Soukoku, a lOT of those aren’t healthy from where they stand in canon. Not fanon, but canon. I will never, ever send death threats to someone, least of all over fiction. Because let me tell you, a lot of the real life authors? Very Problematic by today’s standards and sometimes their own.  

Also, frankly, i’ve been in the Hunter x Hunter fandom and there’s way worse there. Like...canonly. FYI since I know the blog sending this or at least one, KuroKura isn’t underage (though far from my cup of tea for many other reasons) , Kurapika is 18/19 in that arc and Chrollo is somewhere close to 24/26 ish. Not my cup of tea for many reasons, but figured I’d point that out for you so you might want to delete that post if you’re trying to make that blog a good ‘evidence’ source.

While I’m at it. You can LIKE a character and despise what they do and who they are. There’s characters i HATE, but I can appreciate how they’re a good hero, antihereo, or villain, or how they move the plot forward. Characters are (optimally) vehicles for the narrative. A character can be WELL written and despicable, some are written PURPOSEFULLY for the audience to hate that character as a character. 

Anyways, there’s my stance on things. If you want to soft or hardblock me, that’s fine. I’m not going to hate you for it, or stalk you over it, or whatever else people do. Please do whatever makes you comfortable. I will not perpetuate this circle of hatred. If I write with someone you don’t like, either block their tag (i tag it all) or if you need to softblock, that’s fine too Your health matters.

[letmeinpplease]

Buckle in kids, the Barnaby Brooks, Jr. Defense Squad is holding a meeting.

So I gave up on the argument with my BIL. Below is, essentially, the essay I wrote trying to explain why his particular opinion of Barnaby sucks. I decided not to send it because I realized that frankly, even if I'm right, it's not going to change his view, so it wasn't worth my time. Instead I figured I'd send it out into the void that is Tumblr to hopefully get some good faith interaction.

-My BIL's best friend watched the show specifically to understand our argument and said Barnaby "had no signs of mental illness, maybe just some trauma."

Bullshit.

Bro has at least an anxiety disorder and, given that I have one and that man is showing every single fucking trait I did before being diagnosed, I will die on that hill (I did also check the DSM for non-anecdotal evidence related to my specific disorder, and I'm pretty sure he meets the GAD criteria). Regardless, PTSD is, in fact, classed as a mental illness (specifically subclassified as a form of anxiety), and you can't watch the show and tell me he doesn't have PTSD.

-BIL's BF also said that Barnaby has a shitty, unlikeable personality with very little to redeem him through the end of Season 1.

Bullshit again.

There's literally a slow progression of him getting steadily better (both mentally and as a person) throughout all of season 1 and into season 2. I don't have time for a full watch through to rip small details, but you can literally watch Barnaby change in real fucking time. He's not the same person at the end of season 1 that he was at the beginning. Maybe its the hyperfixation talking, but I genuinely don't understand how you can watch the show and not catch the little, incremental ways he changes throughout season 1. And on that note--

-You don't have to like Barnaby's bitchy, shitty behavior in early Season 1. You literally aren't meant to. It is bitchy, shitty behavior, and it's stemming from unrecognized and/or unmanaged mental illness of some kind (even if it's only PTSD) in combination with Maverick's upbringing. It's an explanation, not an excuse, and it's realistic as shit. His support network is literally Maverick and Samantha. I'm not even gonna get into how much fuckery the Maverick component added to Barnaby's mental health, social skills, and general world view, cause I really should not have to. As for Samantha, I always got the vibe that they loved each other, but they rarely communicated, so he doesn't have much going for him there.

Why is this relevant?

Because Barnaby doesn't know how the fuck to deal with Kotetsu's shenanigans or his own issues, so he lashes out. Once he actually has and accepts a support network (Kotetsu), he starts to improve as a character. Wanna know why I clocked that? Cause I did The Exact Same Fucking Thing. I had 0 friends in high school because I was a constantly on edge due to unrecognized anxiety and PTSD (obviously at the time I had no idea why I was so angry all the time), which made me a reactive, short tempered bitch. I got better in college, and that was because I was in a different setting and around new people, which provided me the exposure I needed to realize "something might not be right here." The little support network I formed at college helped me learn how to manage, how to interact with people, and how to manage my reactiveness simply through exposure (i.e. I figured it out as we went and apologized when I fucked up, they were not expected to take any sort of responsibility). Recognition of my issues later led to going to therapy and getting a diagnosis. We are literally watching this happen with Barnaby. Season 1 is the first time in Barnaby's life that he has a significant influence outside of Maverick. We are literally watching that exact same growth over the course of the show.

-And that brings us to Barnaby's motivation, which I have another post on, so you can totes skip this paragraph if you want. Once he gets past the revenge arc Barnaby is literally just trying to do what makes him mentally okay. That's literally it. That's what everything he does from then on boils down to. Granted, it's not as obvious early on, but it's heavily implied at the end of season 1, it literally feeds the plot of The Rising, and he outright says that's what he's doing in season 2, and it's backed by his actions throughout. He's still helping people while doing it, so it's not like it's to other people's detriment, but he's prioritizing what he needs and what could make him happy. You gotta put on your oxygen mask before you can help others, and that's a hard but important lesson to learn when you're mentally ill. Prime example is that I had to end a friendship last week because her mental health issues were worsening mine, and she would not accept any form of boundaries. I wanted to be able to continue to support her, but you can't save someone if you're drowning. Additionally, I think it's hard for people to get what it's like for your only goal to be to feel okay without the context of being mentally ill for Literally as long as you've had memories (and I'm not even exaggerating there, pls don't ask about my childhood fear of toothpaste). Seeing that shit reflected on screen is Refreshing As Hell. Barnaby's not in it purely ~to help others~, or to avenge his parents, or for the sake of justice, or anything like that. Barnaby is Literally just a guy trying to find something that makes him happy, and is clinging tooth and nail to keep whatever he finds (namely, his partnership with Kotetsu).

-Basically, my view boils down to this: You don't have to like Barnaby as a character. You don't have to like his coping skills, or lack thereof. But Barnaby is a fantastic representation of what its like for some (key word SOME, I'm not gonna claim my experience to be universal) people dealing with long-term unrecognized mental illness. You can hate him, but when the show outright gives you all this context showing you Exactly why he acts the way he does, and then shows you how he makes an effort to change, you should at least consider it before just saying "he's an asshole and that's that." Also, recognize that if you can't see the representation he provides, He's Probably Not For Your Benefit (why yes, this IS another "importance of representation" post). It's so rare to get realistic portrayals of mental health in the media, and even less so with genuinely Good characters, so frankly, it enrages me when people just disregard the Mountain of context provided in favor of saying "oh, he's just an asshole" (looking at you, CA: Civil War era Tony Stark hate).

[saturnalmoss]

I have completed Dracula. I really enjoyed reading it. I've liked adaptions but i do like the book more, for all it's issues. It's many, many, many issues.

While i was reading, I was thinking about the '92 Dracula movie bc I think I'd seen it the most recently. Like, i did enjoy that movie but gonna be honest i didn't like any of the characters. I was a bit reticent to read dracula bc of that. But it turned out i only dislike Seward! He's a good character but holy moly Seward please place yourself in a coffin and put that coffin in a hole and cover that hole in cement. Ur a fine victorian man i bet you can do it.

I loved Lucy and i it was such a sad part when she died. I loved renfield which i wasnt expecting bc i have understandable issues with the way mental illness is written by very nearly anyone. But like?? I just felt a lot of compassion for a guy who Seward's decided to keep as a fucking pet and then Dracula's decided to fuck with and he was trying SO hard when he couldn't communicate. Poor guy. I loved Jonathan and it was super enjoyable how wife-guy he is and i am not familiar with gender stereotypes of the nineteen hundreds but?? I don't know i feel like he bucked em a bit? Soft boy?? Whatever a soft boy was then?

Mina and Lucy, so sweet and the part where Mina wrote her just after she died, very very sad! Mina and Jonathan, absolutely adorable. Precious. The heteros are ok. Mina is just so good and damn I'm not sure they would have got Dracula without her around. Like, do not mean the psychic powers. They would have had an easier time w dracula if they had a Hale and Healthy Mina. It was truly the worst idea to keep her out of the loop.

Victorian Standards were the real villain in this book. Every time they got too victorian shit starts going down hill. Jonathan too xenophobic and superior feeling at the start to heed warnings? Welp now he's snacula. All the characters at the start refusing or just not considering telling the house hold staff and MOM what needs to be left for Lucy's medical care? TWICE? welp Lucy is snacula. Can't bring yourself to do a damn thing for renfield because he's *~*insane*~*? Mina: snacula. Renfield: dead (snacula status unknown).

Seward, at any point, is too victorian a man. Gosh. Go crawl in a ditch.

Ah i really loved van Helsing. He was just, so genuinely full of love and kindness. I feel like i haven't seen a character like that in a while, much less a mentor character or a character that isn't killed to show how unattainable that world view is. He probably needs to communicate a little earlier with people, but i get it. it's hard to explain there's a dracula on the loose.

I would have enjoyed having some written from Quincey and Arthur, but i get they might not have had anything to add to the story. It just felt like, with Quincey dying at the end, that they wanted a tragic sacrifice to finish the dracula but couldn't bear to use one of the liked main characters?? I d k

My take away is that all the dracula adaptations I've seen, which I'm defining by 'having dracula characters', have done them all dirty. Everyone. Even Dracula? I don't know. Maybe they gave him a cooler end-fight i guess. It feels like, they take a story that already had a serious issue thinking of women as human and made it WORSE TOWARDS THE WOMEN. how??

The other issues, about the same (bad).

Then '92 dracula like, what if dracula was acting exactly the same, but mina was into it? Mina ('92): ah, this man assaulted and murdered by best friend. I will fuck him. It's is true love.

(this is why i didn't like mina in the movie)

But now i see that, some how, they have done injustice to every one of the characters. Fascinating.

Was happy to hear that Seward and Arthur happily married at the end. Good for them.

[radioactivebowtie]

Hey

Uh hi this is Finn here, so I know a lot of people have a lot of things to say. I’ve been reading as many people’s mourning thoughts as I can, but I also knew I would have a lot to say- I don’t even know if I’ll be able to say it all here! I might find some more words to say right after I post this as I usually do.

Inside Job was a silly little show I found last January and fell in love with. It was full of jokes and serious issues as well as some beautiful animation and there was no way I was leaving it alone anytime soon. I made a sona and fought my way through making lore that I could adore and make as show-accurate as possible.

It was hyper fixation at first sight.

After filling a literal folder within my google docs of character interactions and lore and telling as many of my friends about and watching it and re-watching it with them. I reignited my love for tumblr. I ate so much content up the moment that I knew it existed that I tried joining in!

I remember posting Finn on here and then writing character interactions with people sonas while never sharing them because I was so scared that it would be weird. I interacted with Outis first, Willie was cute and had so many fun things I could do it would go great! (I sent it to him and ran away and then like screamed when he said he liked it)

The next time I talked to someone it went better I’d say even if I was equally as terrified. Delaney, Inside Job brought me Delaney. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Delaney is one of if not my best friends. She wrote me things when I was sad we talked daily despite having met like days before and have continued to do so up till now. She means so fucking much to me, she’s my hot fictional mom! My mon amour! My literal ride or die bestie. If I could say anything to the people of inside job I would tell them how thankful I am for letting me meet Laney.

They also brought me to the shadow council. Well the shadow council of tumblr. A group of people who I think I would kill for? They make me laugh and smile and SOMETIMES CRY BECAUSE I THEY WRITE AND DRAW SOME SAD SHIT SOMETIMES but I love them anyway. They are silly, they make some damn good art and writing and they are some of my most cherished friends. I’ve never been so happy to have friends who share my interests and support me and are so fucking cool. Thank you for accepting me into your ranks and promoting me from assistant to leader with you guys. I love you so much I will never be able to fully explain it.

A lot of people have talked about how the show helped with their mental health, it helped them through rough times and I cannot thank them enough for those same reasons. This was my comfort show, my go to. I talked about it non stop and watched it whenever I was sad, wrote and read about it when I was sad. 

I used JR to comfort myself, I didn’t expect him being my dad to become more than a joke. Something that I thought would just make for funny circumstances yknow? But this stupid old crime commiting idiot became so comforting to me- I used him to cope. He wasn’t always written the most canonically but that was never the point. I made him mean something to me. He still and will always be my dad. He will be broken out of jail to me and if I can’t then I will bring him cupcakes to eat during visitation hours.

Reagan actually helped me start looking into an autism diagnosis? I know her having autism isn’t like an uncommon thought amoungst people watching the show but it helped me feel kind of seen. I related to her in a lot of ways and was genuinely moved by her story as well as continually laughing at any joke that she made.

Andre might be the toughest for me to let go of, JR might edge him out but I think Andre might be a close second. This stupid man means so much to me- (he’s so smart I am deflecting don’t let me lie to you) at first I was so ready to just dismiss him as some funny side character. But they wrote him so well- and then they gave us the wedding episode and he hit home. He hit so fucking close to home. He had depth and it hit so close to home that it made me fall for him hook line and sinker. He was funny but he had depth and I felt like he would get me? Like sure we would have a bunch of different experiences but we could help each other out. I’ll miss him so much.

I want to thank inside job for everything, they gave me so much to look forward to and be happy about. It made me feel creative and I was so happy write and draw and figure out how to make my silly little character be in this interesting and wonderful world. Thank you to the wonderful crew for making such an amazing show that brought so many of us together.

and once again, Fuck you Netflix.

[anonofseasons]

Maybe it's due to not having spoons (fibro and the heat are getting to me bad), but my mood is up and down, and my feelings about Seasons are going up and down with it?

I'm like, "Oh this part is cute and I'm excited to share it!" and "Cal, shut up, please, you're being annoying. Keep it to yourself!" No one has said I'm being annoying. I just get super self-conscious now, bc... history of being told I'm annoying. Also, it's rather recent that I'd tell my now-ex that I was excited about something - that I'd finished a first draft or gotten a map drawn - and she'd respond with stuff like, "Did you see the witch Bath and Body Works diffuser?" (I had to beg her to congratulate me. I would do so for her when she had accomplishments, but mine? Meaningless.) Back to Seasons, though. I've been anxious that it's too long. I'm not out to set some arbitrary word count limit here. I mean "Was this really necessary, or did you just get too self-indulgent, and now you have too many loose ends to tie up?" (This is exacerbated by my writing out of order and fearing I'll forget something by the end.) That's just my brain, there. Worried that I was excessive and have made a mess, rather than a coherent story. I'm also worried that I sound so egotistical now that I'm finding joy in talking about my writing/characters. (This ties in with the first issue, that I should "shut up" haha...) I had such a weird process for years. I enjoyed the process of creation, but I... thought I was shitting out garbage. Characters, writing style, story, everything. Someone once told me years ago that I wrote nothing but man babies, and someone else later said the same thing. Second person also said my writing style induced their synesthesia so they couldn't stand to read my stuff. There have been other things, those are just some examples. It's so painful. I don't feel like I can become a better author if I don't have helpful criticism, but I've certainly had the destructive stuff launched at me. I'm still working on myself. I was only 13 months ago I got self-conscious and decided to stop sharing any of my writing publicly, so I locked up everything on AO3 in a private collection, I deleted or hid everything on google docs and other sites. And I struggled to finish Rascal (which I posted the final chapter just a few weeks before that and then ended up locking it up, haha), and now I'm struggling a bit with Seasons. I don't always struggle with ending stories, but... sometimes I do, and it definitely sinks my mood. I'm lucky in that some people have found my writing and been supportive. I'd be fucked if I didn't have @yume-x-hanabi being so supportive and nonjudgmental. She's a good writing buddy. And I have another friend who also just checks out my writing despite meeting her through fandom as well, even picked up Seasons despite the heavy content. ;A; That's a blessing. But sometimes I'm still working on saying, "No, I do love myself and these things. It doesn't matter what other people have said. They're a few people. They were mean. They don't define you or your work." Still, it sneaks up on me and leaves me scared that I have more work ahead. That I need to get better and better now, because if I want a career out of this, I'm going to have to bust my ass. And it's funny... I do enjoy the process of writing, I love building characters and writing stories and creating lore. I just wish after it was all done, I wasn't fearful that I just hot-glued a bunch of steaming shit together, and I refuse to see it...? XD; (Sorry that's a disgusting mental image, but... it wouldn't hold together, is my point.) Anyway, sorry if you read this for rambling so much. It's kind of negative. I gotta cheer up. ;A;

[snowsheba]

ALSO not to steal ur ask but at first i also wanted to ask you as many as you wanted to answer but your tags seemed so contemplative i didn't want to pry LOL but your ask has emboldened me so... any extras you haven't answered that you particularly want to share!

EHEHEHEHEHE

i love talking about myself. LOL. under cut to spare your dashboards

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

"thanks dad, love hana" was a HUGE undertaking. kind of wild how far i went and how well i made it work looking back.

that said: i am most fond of my grand theft auto/aveyond crossover au. it's the exact brand of controlled chaos full of fun and angst and random shit that i crave, LOL.

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

answered!

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

answered!

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

i wouldn't call them "fics," but i do have some long-form fic starring original characters that i wrote and read back pretty consistently because they are honestly excellent. i haven't posted them anywhere because they are super niche, but i can if people are curious.

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

LOL... the ones that remained buried in my external hard drive... they can stay there.

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

probably starting? this is why i start with writing the summary, because otherwise it gets weird when i start out. oftentimes i have like three or four false starts before i get into a groove that i like. (i save all the false starts, too! they often get reused and recycled later on in the story.)

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

tdlh's success kind of ruined the whole thing for me in some ways. on the one hand, you get accustomed to HUGE amounts of interaction, so having no interaction feels weird. on the other hand, there is so much interaction that it is overwhelming, and it's not good when responding to engagement becomes a chore.

before i wrote tdlh i craved feedback and support because mental eelness and whatever. afterwards... it really put into perspective who i was writing for. most often i wasn't writing for me, i was writing for others. now that i'm writing for myself, i don't need feedback or support in the same way.

i mean let's be clear though i still LOVE to get engagement in general. it feels good when people like the stuff i write!!

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

my immediate family does, in the sense that they know i write it (i don't share it with them lol). my partner does as well! but otherwise very, VERY rarely do i let irl people know i write fic.

9. what's your writing process like?

answered!

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

writing saved my life! this is undoubtedly true. i would not be here if i hadn't started writing when i did for as long as i have.

these days it's less of a coping mechanism and more of a fun hobby, and i always feel good when i finish something off and post it. the satisfaction of a story well-written is wonderful.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

BOY. OH YES. i learned a lot from the experience, too.

essentially: overwatch has two characters, one is [finger wiggles] hispanic and the other is white, the man of color is demonized and becomes this evil terrible terrorist (real original, blizzard) while the white dude becomes this righteous rogue vigilante. i kept these roles in the fic i wrote them in and people started talking about the racist implications of this. rightfully so because it IS racist. this isn't the only big thing, but this is the one that was focused on because people shipped these two pretty hard back in the day.

it draws an interesting line though - as a fic writer, i can change the canon and do whatever i want. but i didn't do that, because i wanted to stay true to canon. if you had asked me back then, i would have said that's a good reason to let it be, but these days, i would have if not addressed it directly then changed it as needed to both suit my purposes and also... not have racism baked in if possible...

it's tough when your source material is already problematic enough and its parent company is a literal shitshow of issues (here's a pretty good summary of events). i take responsibility for the harm that my particular rendition did, but i would be remiss if i didn't acknowledge that actively writing a fic that attempts to remain consistent with canon (i.e. i would change story beats 30 chapters down the line when new lore came out) is bound to be as problematic as the source material itself.

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

answered!

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

i DO take pride in my writing. it also embarrasses me immensely.

i don't want to show my ass too much, but i grew up in a household where if i wasn't working on school stuff i'd get punished, so obviously my parents hated how much time i spent writing. there was a lot of shame that went along with it because of the whole "why does it even matter? it's not original fiction" thing as well, so i am very protective of my fanworks and don't advertise them at all irl. because it's embarrassing to explain myself over and over again to people who really don't care, LOL.

of course, these days my parents love to fawn about how good of a writer i am and make me write the yearly christmas newsletters and whatever, but that's parents for you!

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

i think i used to, in the way that every kid aspires to be like a particular role model. these days, not at all - there's no point in it. i know my strengths!

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

i stopped using ellipses so much, for one. LOL.

in general, reading lots of books and being exposed to lots of different writing mediums has given me a lot of perspective. that's more valuable than anything else, imo. having more experiences to fall back on, more knowledge of the world around me, and a better understanding of people means that my written works have more depth and scope. i think in terms of technical skill i've plateaued to a point that i'm happy with, but when it comes to the actual content and its presentation (i guess rhetoric is the term here), there is ALWAYS more to learn. i've definitely gotten better at rhetoric over the years.

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to?

answered!

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

answered!

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?

these days i only really do write when i feel inspired to, but that's not because i don't think writing regularly is boring. i mentioned this in another post somewhere, but the majority of my high-volume writing output was during a time of deep depression - writing was an escape, and now that i don't need to escape anymore, it's hard to resume my previous schedule. moreoever, i don't want to, because that schedule was symptomatic of other issues for me. so just when i'm inspired! it helps that when i open a file and look at it, i often feel compelled to write a bit more as the ideals percolate in my brain.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

this changes day by day, but i looooooove a good banter. (what a shocker, i know.) i also love huge explosive emotions and the fallout from them. if a fic can answer the question of what it means to be human in some way, then it's ideal for me.

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

friends! i've met so many cool people through writing and i continue to keep meeting cool people as i continue to write. it's a gift that never stops giving 🥰