#you can try to argue that our oppression

[lyinginbedmon]

This line of thinking shows up a Lot when trans people try to talk about the impact of the Holocaust on the trans community, and yes part of the impetus for the destruction of the Institut for Sexualwisschenschaft and its library was that Magnus Hirschfeld was Jewish.

Except he wasn't there. He ultimately died of a heart attack in Nice, France.

And if the near-total destruction of early 20th century trans history and research was, as is often implied in such responses like this, just an accidental thing, just collateral damage... wouldn't it have stopped there?

Instead, trans people got sent to concentration camps along with every gay, Roma, or person of colour the Nazis could find. They may not have called us trans (the term transgender itself wouldn't be properly codified until 1965), but that was why they were putting us there.

The destruction of the Institut is legally considered part of the Nazi crimes during the Holocaust and one of its earliest contributing events. To deny that we were there is, legally, Holocaust denial.

[transmascissues]

next time someone tries to tell me people don’t demonize and act violently toward trans men and transmascs, i’m just going to make them read this reply i got to a positivity post that was specifically about trans manhood and transmasculinity. this is basically just every negative thing people say no one says about us rolled into one message that’s aimed directly at us.

and as if this isn’t enough on its own, their whole blog is full of this disgusting shit. it seems to be dedicated to it, actually. (fair warning, don’t look at the next two screenshots if you don’t want to see even more genuinely awful transphobia.)

you can say what you want about how they’re probably just a troll or baiting or doing this for attention but the fact remains that, regardless of their true intentions, these are real things that a real person is saying about trans men&mascs, publicly and proudly and to our faces because they want it to do damage.

i’ve dealt with people like this before, on a much closer level. when i was a teenager, i had a grown woman come into my dms just to send me very graphic and detailed instructions on how to kill myself. literally entire paragraphs with all of the steps she wanted me to take. before i blocked her, i told her she was lucky she sent it to me and not someone more vulnerable, because otherwise she might have real blood on her hands. she just sent the whole thing again.

we can argue all day about infantilization versus demonization, erasure versus hypervisibility, what counts as violence, what words we use to talk about our oppression, and so on. but the reality is, whether you believe people want us dead or not, they clearly do, and a lot of them really aren’t making any effort to hide it. at this point, if you can’t see it, it’s because you don’t care about our lives enough to look at the reality that’s right in front of your face.

before you do anything else, block this person. don’t engage with them directly, don’t give them the satisfaction of the attention they might be fishing for, just block them. but don’t forget that they exist either, especially if you’re not a trans man or transmasc yourself. don’t just block them and move on and forget that there are real people out there who will say these things about us, who genuinely enjoy the thought that their actions might have deadly consequences.

because these are the people you empower to come out of hiding and start being blatant about their hatred when you insist that no one wants us dead, when you openly mock us and demonize us and try to cast us out from the community that we were supposed to share. when even our own people decide we’re an acceptable target, these bigots throw a fucking party because you’ve just told them they can get away with murder as long as it’s our blood on their hands. this particular blog was started recently, and i guarantee it’s not a coincidence that they started it in the midst of a rise in online anti-transmasculinity.

it really is telling, how much hate a positivity post has incited. y’all can’t stand when we talk about the bad things that happen to us, but you hate our happiness even more.

[genderkoolaid]

Hi. You always post a lot of info so I'm wondering if you might be able to help me. Is there a difference between radfems and TERFs? Are they both bad? If so, why are they bad? Are there any dog whistles to look out for when it comes to these groups? Please ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable. I've seen a lot of people pointing out that they're bad, but never really saying why. I want to make sure I follow intersectional feminism and not those groups.

Radical feminism is the name of a branch of feminism. It originally got its name because it advocated for extreme changes to society to address female oppression, but developed into a specific worldview which I (off the top of my head) would define by certain traits:

Oppositional sexism. Men and women (or "males" and "females") are fundamentally opposed. Oftentimes this is bioessentialist, arguing that this opposite comes from biology, but it may also be framed as a political necessity; a radfem might argue that gender and sex are fake BUT we need male vs female as political identities in order to identify our "allies" and "enemies". Regardless, males and females are physically distinct and political enemies. You can tell a man from a woman, either from their body or their behavior, the two categories cannot overlap, and no other gender/sex-labels are relevant.

Fatalistic perspectives on patriarchy. Not only are males and females opposed, but this cannot be changed. This may be bioessentialist (the opposition comes from something in our nature, which cannot change) or gender-essentialist (the opposition comes from socialization which occurs as a child due to outside pressure and/or internal gender identity, and cannot change.) Focus is not placed on an ideal future where men and women are equals and social partners. Instead, there is a sense that there is no way to truly have a society with men and women where males do not oppress females, or try to. Sometimes this is more implicit and other times you have people who explicitly believe in creating & enforcing female-only societies.

Misogyny as the source of all oppression, or at least the most important & the one people should identity themselves as before anything else. Those who call themselves intersectional generally only really care about other issues to the extent that they affect women in some way. Part of the downfall of the original radical feminists was the fact that the dominant groups were upper-class white women, who ignored racism and classism and silenced poor women & women of color, insisting that anti-racist and anti-classist action distracted from The Movement & that calling out other women's bigotry was anti-feminist.

A general suspicion of sexual desire and sex, often expressing itself as whorephobia (anti-sex work) and anti-kink attitudes, specifically under the argument that they are inherently misogynistic and abusive. Sex is associated with men and maleness, which again, are inherently the enemy. Sex WITH men, or with a person or object that could be construed as male, is especially bad.

The impetus to make your personal life As Feminist As Possible– "The personal is political." That isn't a bad slogan on its own (it's true), but with radical feminists it expresses itself as a high standard of Radfemmaxing. You should be celibate if you are attracted to men, or become a political lesbian, you shouldn't be masculine OR feminine (anti-butch & femme sentiment), you should reject makeup and shaving, you should cut off male relatives and even abort male fetuses– and you must identify with womanhood and femaleness, while rejecting any identity related to manhood and maleness. It's not just that you should examine your desires and choices and question why you feel the way you feel (again, this is a good thing). Radfems have the belief that they already know the correct answer to that Introspection, and if you come to any other conclusion than theirs (I like wearing makeup because it's fun, I want to be a man because it fits me), then it's taken as proof you are still brainwashed.

TERFS are trans-exclusive radfems. They believe that being trans is not real, or at least not healthy or an acceptable feminist stance. TERFs tend to use the language of "sex" and "males vs females." Many use the term "gender critical," meaning they see gender as fake and damaging, while sex is real and the proper platform for feminist analysis. I once saw a TERF define her stance as "it's not degrading because its feminine, its feminine because its degrading." They believe in things like autogynophilia and rapid onset gender dysphoria, and attribute transgender identity with sexual trauma, internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny.

TIRFs are trans inclusive. They believe that transgender feelings are natural and should be listened to and followed, and that feminism should take gender identity into account. However, they still have a "male vs female" worldview. They may argue that transgender men's internal gender feelings led them to internalize male socialization, while trans women internalized female socialization, meaning that all trans people's experiences with gender and misogyny align most with cis people who share their gender identity.

In both cases, anti-nonbinary exorsexism and intersexism are unavoidable. TERFs will label intersex people as "males/females with a disorder" and attribute nonbinary identity either to internalized misogyny (FTX) or to avoid being held accountable for male privilege (MTX). TIRFs similarly fail to acknowledge how someone's socialization can be affected by intersexism. MTX people are either trans women in denial or flamboyant cis men; FTX people are either trans men avoiding their privilege, or cis women avoiding their privilege*.

Not everyone who uses radical feminist arguments or shares the general perspective openly identified as radfem. There are many "cryptos" who purposefully obscure their political identity to spread radfem ideas in queer & feminist spaces. Other people adopt the general ideas of radical feminism without consciously identifying as one, because of cryptos and how pop feminism often adopts their flashier ideas. So it's important to understand these qualities as on a scale, with some versions being more subtle while others are explicit.

Radical feminism always reduces trans experiences (& experiences in general) to a simple, uncrossable binary, based either in gender or sex. Nuance and cros- or non-binary gender experiences are seen as anti-feminist and aligned with the patriarchy, if not part of a targeted plan to hurt feminist movements.

*the idea of "AFAB privilege" is. a thing in some people's analysis of transmisogyny.

[decolonize-the-everything]

Im an american and I'm so scared of the future. I think I'm gonna die under a trump presidency and I don't what to do.

There are people dying under Biden now and with the supreme court decision to criminalize homeless people I suspect that there will soon be more.

That to say, solidarity will be our salvation in the face of fascists trying to divide us with fear and attacks on our rights. Yeah it is terrifying, but there are more oppressed people than there are oppressors. There is a reason they are attacking our communities one at a time, fear mongering, and trying to make us choose a side all at the same time.

What you need to do is the scary thing and put your trust in activists and leftists who are desperately shouting from the rooftops that the most important thing we can do right now is put our foot down and disengage from a corrupt two party system that only uplifts white supremacist fascists.

We have an awful government because we allow awful people in our government. Point blank. There is no getting around that or making excuses for it anymore. That led us here, right?

Whatever happens, no matter how this election goes the next 4 years are going to be impossible to describe in how bad it will be for people across the planet and the planet itself.

Honestly? You should be scared. Only fascists wouldnt be. But, if you're able to do something about it then let that fear turn into rage and become your fire.

Get mad at the people who put you in this impossible position. Because they knew better and they didn't care about your life or the millions of others at risk everyday! Why the hell should any of us keep playing into a system where our own president (and plenty of other politicians throughout time) can say we should die for the economy, for this country, for them when they wont let us walk down the street holding hands with our trans partner, when they kill our communities for jogging while Black, when they wont even let us live in poverty without sending us to prison!! People work themselves to the bone in this country to get by and you're telling me they'll never own or deserve a home? That even at the end of serving a long war, one of the most patriotic and respectable things you can do for an imperialist country, a veteran's kindest statistic to come home to is still an early death?

Fuck that.

Shits fucked. It's been fucked for a long time. If you're fine now you'll probably be fine under Trump if we're being honest.

But if that chance you won't be keeps you up at night, know that you aren't alone. That fear in your heart, that pit in your stomach is something every oppressed person has in common and it will be what unites us.

Like I said. Let it turn to rage, to fire. A single candle is no big deal to put out, but could they stop a wildfire so easily?

You're not going to die under Trump.

There are too many of us being wronged by the same exact systems. And as long as we focus on that and build on that instead of arguing over which system leader the worst, then we'll be fine. The point is they all suck, right? So find common ground there instead of discourse.

Solidarity can look like:

Donating! to bail funds, Palestinian escape gfms, human rights orgs, grassroots activists circles, directly to marginalized people, etc.

Not advocating for the two party system/voting blue

Remembering that equality will not be gained by stepping on someone else- no more compromising the needs of others. If one person says something hurts then their pain can't be part of any solution to someone else's problem.

On that note: listening when PoC and esp Black women tell you when something is racist, harmful, or oppressive. Listen when you are told that the solution you are considering will still leave people marginalized, isn't accessible, and/or isn't inclusive enough.

Solidarity also looks like not taking it personally when you are told that the action/opinion you just voiced was hurtful or ignorant or even bigoted. You DO have misinformed opinions and beliefs and you WILL be checked on those when they occur (just like you check others probably.) No, not everyone will be nice about it and you shouldn't let that discourage you! You should remember that being checked is exactly what everyone is gonna have to get used to. That is what building a better future is gonna look and feel like for everyone at some point. Everyone is ignorant about something. Just learn to say thank you when you're educated for free.

Get used to discomfort!! A little discomfort now is going to be worth the human rights and solidarity and justice we have later. Solidarity is gonna look like Not constantly centering your own comfort or lifestyle or privileges. It's gonna look like reading the room and knowing what a tone deaf comment/request is and when your silence is more appropriate (This is how you will earn trust in community spaces that've become hypervigilant of bad faith allies)

You figure out what your community needs and seek to provide it through either donations, working with local orgs, labor, awareness, (ex: donating/making meals, cleaning, providing clothes or birth control, sharing MutAid requests, boosting activist groups, etc), and showing up to support your community's movements and protests.

Even my tiny rural area has queer meetups, anarchist bookclubs, and a Mexican activist group with a Facebook page; get involved in your community in the ways you can. Learn the names of the people you'll be standing shoulder to shoulder with when Trump supporters start rallying against us all.

The fascist wave can be stopped but none of us will be able to do it alone. You aren't going to die under Trump because none of us are going to let that happen.

The same way you wouldn't let it happen to any of us.

The community that keeps you safe is the one you build.

[blackpilljesus]

The rise in popularity of single childfree women should signal that we need to start preparing. I've spoken about this before but want to address a common concern of safety regarding maIe retaliation. At this point some women may think they'll be safer trying to get a maIe but the statistics show otherwise. There's a reason women fought for rights in the first place, we all know that maIes as a collective are horrible beings. If maIes were pleasant to be around & reproduce with, they wouldn't need to force women into it.

Now I dont have all the answers in terms of what to do in the face of maIe retaliation but where to start:

1 - Move in silence. MaIes dont need to know our every move. MaIes have enough power as is, them knowing our strategy on top of that wont help. Hell, play dumb sometimes. This also applies to other women, if they push marriage & kids bs be measured in your response, in the end you know your truth. At the end of the day most of these women are also aware of the danger maIes pose.

2 - Organise. This is tough, extremely tough i can't lie. For one we're scattered all over the world & people in our real lives wouldn't have the committment to this nor believe in deviating from the nuclear structure but it is something needed. Even if it's just online, find or build networks with likeminded women. I say this as a lone wolf but infrastructure & network is needed because the government will make it harder to survive alone so some would need to be able to lean on each other for support even if it's just verbal. Practice separatism as far as you can. Take up learning how to defend yourself. If you're serious about this; be prepared to break the rules at some point because playing nice & by the law wont work. These things are set up by men for men and it wont help us. I'm not saying go out there & purposefuly break the law or put yourself in harms way, just saying prepare. It sounds far out now but the current system cant be counted on, blind eyes are turned when maIes abuse women, women are punished for defending themselves under the system. Even if you dont want to go down the route of community, learn to take care of yourself & hold your own down.

3 - Stop arguing with maIes. This doesnt mean that xys are right, I say this a lot but maIes are fully aware of everything. Arguing with maIes online is a waste of time, time that can go to building for yourself or likeminded women. MaIes denying female oppression is part of the game to keep you wasting your energy on them as opposed to working on yourself. It's to keep you in their hands; doesn't matter whether you're right or not, how many statistics you throw at them, you're still biting their bait.

4 - Stack up on resources & money. If you have resources & money and the priviledge to save then start now. If/when things go downhill it wont be a snap thing but a transition so this window needs to be used to the best of our advantage. Take advantage of the privileges you have now to set yourself for the future because that could very well be gone.

I doubt we'd win tbh but I'd rather die trying than live submitting. I will mention that I know it's scary but we have to think forward. Bear in mind the system has never worked for women, some will say things like "but when women leave maIes get more violent" but there is no safety in the first place. Women are sexually harrassed & assaulted any where at any time with no protection already. Women are constantly told of all the things they should or shouldn't do to avoid maIe violence and it doesnt work anyways, maIes will continue to abuse women & girls. No amount of listening & obeying has helped women because it doesn't matter what the reason for maIe violence is, if they cant find a reason they'll create a reason because their motive is to make women suffer in addition to reproduction & having labour.

Now I know many will speak about the violence of maIe retaliation which I'll address in part 3. This is part 2 of 'the rise in single childfree women' group of posts.

Part 1

[doberbutts]

It’s just so deeply frustrating how much people insist that “transandrophobia trutherism” (god I hate the way they put it, they really had to sneak some antisemitism in there didn’t they) is Transmisogyny Denial. Like. No!! We aren’t trying to talk over you!! We aren’t denying that transmisogyny is horrible, or that it exists!! We are trying to have a different conversation entirely about our own personal struggles!! These conversations can coexist!! What is so hard to understand about this?

We can talk about how transmisogyny effects trans women all day, and how NBphobia effects nonbinary people all day, but trans men aren’t allowed to have similar conversations about our specific struggle? Why?? Like genuinely why?? I don’t fucking understand the logic here. Talking about transmisogyny is valuable, talking about NBphobia is valuable, these are undeniable facts, but why is it that transmascs can’t have the same fucking conversation about OUR specific struggles?? I hate it!!

Honestly the answer I've consistently gotten when I've asked is that only The Most Oppressed in the room should be able to speak about oppression and if that's not you then you should sit this out. And since these folks arguing this feel that trans men receive only the smallest fraction of oppression, they feel that trans men should not speak, and they should let others do the talking for them.

Besides the fact that I think it is so incredibly difficult to gauge who exactly is the "most oppressed", I think that everyone's voice should have equal value when discussing how to improve life for everyone.

As I said to my parents during a discussion of politics, I think if you can't look across the aisle and find at least one thing the both of you agree on... something is deeply wrong with your politics.

[butchmartyr]

if tbros stopped making these shitty redefinitions of transmisogyny like yesterday, it’d be too soon. missing the forest for the trees just to try and legitimize some antifeminism while othering trans women. transmisogyny doesn’t just ‘intersect’ misogyny and transphobia, it’s made there; trans women are not targeted for our masculinity (real or imagined), they are targeted for being women you are allowed to hit because of their transness, because you can say they aren’t women. transmisogyny is misogyny. you are failing to actually use intersectionality while stealing its language.

and we experience this misogyny in the same ways as other women! a trans woman being told to be quiet in feminism because of her ““male socialization”” is experiencing misogyny in the same way a cis woman feminist might be told she’s a man hater; the root issue (“I don’t like women who stand up for themselves against gender and think they shouldn’t”) is the same regardless of how misogynists manifest it. obfuscating this fact so that you can avoid reckoning with your own transmisogyny, and to argue better for the existence of situational but somehow systemic misandry in our patriarchal society while mansplaining misogyny is, to be blunt, deeply pathetic. drawing lines and dividing people for no reason while describing stock transphobia. what trans woman hasn’t had her femininity weaponized against her? are you so deeply trapped in bioessentialist thought that you literally can’t imagine analysis that evolves past outdated ideas of sex based oppression being everything? you are not ontologically incapable of violence

[spacelazarwolf]

“Sex based oppression” is terf rhetoric. There is nothing about having a vagina that makes you magically more oppressed. What you’re talking about is misogyny, which transfems experience too, probably worse than you

i had to get parts of my body surgically removed so i could stop worrying about having an accidental pregnancy either through failed birth control or rape that my government has legally required that i would have to carry to term and give birth to whether i wanted to or not regardless of the medical consequences. so yeah actually there is something about having a vagina that makes me a target for a specific kind of oppression. and i genuinely do not know how we got to the point in the Discourse where we’re legitimately trying to argue it doesn’t. just because it’s something trans people who don’t have uteruses don’t have to deal with doesn’t mean they don’t also face a fuck ton of other misogyny and oppression. some of my fiercest supporters when roe v wade was struck down were trans women, and when our state government started going after all trans healthcare we were all there to support each other. bc, and i know this may be a foreign concept to u, we give a shit abt each other as human beings with diverse experiences. we talk about our similarities and differences and ways we can support each other even if we don’t personally know what it’s like to face a particular kind of bigotry. we’re all in the same sinking ship. stop making it sink quicker and help us with the fucking life rafts.

[iamgonnagetyouback]

𝟷𝚔 || 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐘

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Just another normal day with the boys.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Dead poets society x Reader

You’re late to breakfast again, because, let’s be honest, getting up at the crack of dawn isn’t your idea of fun. Neil is already waiting outside your dorm, practically bouncing on his heels.

"You're going to make us late for chemistry," he says, grinning, but you know he doesn’t care. He’s more excited about rehearsals later.

"Please, it’s just chemistry. What’s the worst that could happen?"

Cue Meeks walking by, fiddling with some kind of strange contraption made of wires and gears. “The worst? You could accidentally discover a chemical that wipes out our entire dorm.”

You blink. “…Is that what you’re working on?”

"He's not wrong," Pitts chimes in, balancing a stack of textbooks. “I’m still not sure what we made in class last week. Meeks said it was a radio, but—”

"It was a radio!" Meeks interrupts, offended. “We just… haven’t found a signal yet.”

Charlie greets you all with a dramatic bow at the dining hall entrance, smirking as always. “Ah, if it isn’t my favorite lady. Come, join me for breakfast. I saved you a seat next to yours truly.”

You roll your eyes but take the seat, because let’s face it—arguing with Charlie Dalton is both pointless and highly amusing.

Todd’s already there, quietly poking at his scrambled eggs like they might come alive and attack him. He looks up, glancing at you, then quickly averts his eyes.

“Good morning, Todd,” you say, leaning a little closer just to see if he’ll blush.

He does. "Uh, g-good morning."

Neil slaps him on the back a little too enthusiastically. “Relax, Todd! She’s not going to bite.”

Charlie, leaning back with an exaggerated sigh, stretches an arm across the back of your chair. “Although, she does seem like the type, doesn’t she? A real heartbreaker.”

Neil elbows him before you can respond. “Careful, Dalton, she might take that as a challenge.”

Across the table, Knox is staring wistfully into space, most likely daydreaming about Chris—again. He hasn't touched his food, too busy scribbling something in his notebook, probably a love letter.

“You’re still writing those?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I think she’ll appreciate the poetry,” Knox says dreamily. “I’ve just got to find the right words. Something that’ll really speak to her soul.”

“Yeah, you and every other lovesick poet in history.” Charlie says, leaning in way too close to you with that smirk. “You know, I could write a love letter… right now… addressed to you.”

“I could throw a book at you right now,” you fire back, raising your diary threateningly. He raises his hands in surrender, but not before tossing in another playful wink.

Todd's buried in a book, his foot tapping nervously under the desk. You nudge him, trying to bring him back to reality. “Relax, Todd, it's just a pop quiz. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Todd looks at you with wide eyes, whispering, “Uh… failing? Public humiliation? Charlie staging a protest because we’re being ‘oppressed by academia’?”

You grin. “I’m surprised Charlie hasn’t done that already.”

Across the room, Pitts and Meeks are still quietly tinkering with the radio, muttering about antenna lengths and frequency adjustments. “Try 89.5,” Pitts suggests.

Meeks sighs. “We’ve tried 89.5 like six times, Pitts.”

Charlie overhears, leaning back in his chair. “Maybe it’s not the signal you’re missing. Maybe the universe just doesn’t want you to hear it.”

You roll your eyes at the dramatics. “Or maybe you two just need to admit your invention is a little cursed.”

Mr. Keating’s class is the highlight, as usual. Today, he’s making everyone stand on their desks to recite poetry.

“Well done!” he says, clapping. “That’s the spirit, seize the day!”

Charlie gets up next and, of course, winks at you mid-recitation. "What is life, if not the pursuit of—”

“Dalton, sit down before you fall,” Keating interrupts, though he’s clearly holding back a smile.

"Today," Keating says with a gleam in his eye, "we’ll be looking at life through a different lens."

Neil nudges you, whispering, "This is gonna be good."

Charlie, lounging in the back, raises his hand. "Mr. Keating, does that lens involve skipping the rest of class for some fresh air?"

Keating grins, not missing a beat. "Now, Nuwanda, where’s the fun in that? We’ve got poetry to read, minds to bend."

Knox is still writing furiously in his notebook, glancing up every so often to see if anyone’s noticed. "Do you think Chris likes daisies? Maybe roses? What if she’s allergic? Should I ask her?"

Neil glances over. "Knox, you haven’t even spoken to her yet."

Todd, beside you, whispers, "Maybe he should just… say hi?"

"You’re all missing the point!" Charlie exclaims, dramatically flinging his arms. "The real romance is right in front of you!" He points to you, leaning in like he’s about to make a grand declaration.

"Charlie, if you flirt with me one more time—"

"You’ll fall in love with me?"

"Absolutely not."

By the time the day winds down, Pitts and Meeks are still muttering over their radio. "Maybe if we try it with a wire hanger," Pitts suggests, looking deeply contemplative. "I swear I heard a sound earlier."

“I think we need to recalibrate the frequency,” Meeks mutters, twisting a knob.

“You’ve been recalibrating the frequency for three days,” you point out, biting into an apple.

“It’s all about persistence,” Pitts says with a determined nod.

“Or delusion,” Charlie adds, stealing your apple out of your hand and taking a huge bite, just to annoy you.

Afternoon rolls around, and you’re barely keeping up in Latin class, but Neil’s right beside you, scribbling notes like a machine. He gives you a reassuring smile, as if to say, You’ll get it. You won’t, but it’s sweet that he believes in you anyway.

After classes, you all meet by the cave for a Dead Poets meeting, the air filled with the smell of damp earth. Charlie’s reciting some scandalous poem he found, Knox is asking for feedback on his latest love letter, and Todd’s nervously glancing at the fire, probably worried it’s going to get out of control. Neil reads Shakespeare with such passion that you’re half convinced he’s going to run off to join a theater company by the end of the week.

By the time the sun sets, you’re all laughing, a little too loud for the quiet woods around you, but who cares? It feels like, for a moment, the whole world belongs to you and this crazy group of boys.

As you head back to the dorms, Charlie walks beside you, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “So… you coming to watch me play tonight? I’m thinking of dedicating my next solo to someone very special.”

You laugh, pushing him away. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Dalton.”

He leans closer, voice low. “You can deny it all you want, but we both know you’re just here for my charm.”

“You wish,” you say, shaking your head, but smiling anyway.

Todd trails behind, stammering about needing to study for tomorrow's exam, while Neil drags him back to the group, promising they’ll make time for both. Knox, lost in thought about Chris, sighs dreamily. Pitts and Meeks are still discussing their radio, determined that one day, it will pick up a signal.

As everyone heads back to their rooms, Neil gives you a tired smile. "Another day survived."

You laugh. "Barely."

Todd lingers awkwardly, giving you a shy wave before scurrying off, while Charlie blows you a kiss. "Until tomorrow, my muse."

thank you so much for the request @march32nd!! i loved writing this one 💕

[trans-androgyne]

Hello, if you have time in really confused on something and was reccomended messaging you

I'm fairly new to Tumblr, I've only been on here a year and a term I've been newly introduced to is transandrophobia and I'm really very confused. I'm getting a solid mix of people saying it's a thing and people saying it's not and I keep trying to look it up but it's just people arguing with each other

I'm just. Very confused. Please help

Thank you

Of course, happy to help. Transandrophobia is the system of oppression that targets trans men and transmasculine people. Most people use it to mean the intersection of transphobia and sexism that primarily affects trans men and mascs--by sexism, I mean both misogyny and antimasculinism. Examples include the "Irreversible Damage" narrative that paints us as delusional little girls too dumb to know what's good for us and our bodies (misogyny), and the way testosterone is demonized and trans men/mascs are encouraged to stay off it even by other queer and trans people (antimasculinism).

The biggest issue people take with it is that they don't think sexism affects men or that they can have any unique experiences ("trans men can't be oppressed for being men"). This is a misunderstanding of both sexism and intersectionality. If you look up sexism anywhere, just about every definition will clarify that it usually affects women but can also target men. And basic intersectionality is that all of our identities--including race, gender, transness, disability, and everything else--all interact to create a unique experience with privilege and oppression. People will claim that intersectionality exclusively means two systems of oppression (like misogyny and racism) intersecting, but that is most certainly not how I was taught it in college. None of this is to say that men are generally oppressed for their gender, it just means that trans men and mascs can and do in fact have experiences specific to them--manhood/masculinity is not the "default" experience, as there is no default human experience.

There are a couple even less valid issues people take with the term. They'll say that, unlike trans women, trans men and mascs "just don't need" a word to describe their oppression, that we're just trying to copy from "transmisogyny" and our oppression is either "just transphobia" or "just misogyny." This is a very silly argument. It is both transphobia and misogyny, interacting. When my doctors misgender me to be misogynistic towards me, that is both. That is transandrophobia. The woman who coined the term transmisogyny states that trans men and transmascs may require "additional language" to talk about our issues, so she doesn't even agree with these people. Folks will also attack the makeup of the term, saying "transandrophobia can't exist because androphobia doesn't exist." This misunderstands how words work; it's like saying "homophobia can't exist because I'm not 'afraid of things that are the same.'" Also, androphobia (the literal fear of men) does exist, but it's not really what we're talking about. Additionally, people will claim trans men and mascs are using this term to try to say that trans women oppress us. This is just blatantly false; nobody notable in the conversation has ever claimed anything close to that, and the few individuals who have said something like that are immediately shut down as terfy/bigoted.

I apologize for the length, but I hope that helped break down what the term means and why people have issues with it. I didn't really include examples for length reasons, but I would be happy to share more or answer any other questions you have. Thank you for seeking an understanding of the term.

[readychilledwine]

reread kissed by fire and I'm wondering what Amelia's reaction to Feyre's "fuck and fight" comment was?

Assuming you mean her comment during dinner when Nesta asked her if the food wasn't good enough?

If so, as older sister, here we go.

Meet Amelia, pre-Cauldron, and like we saw in my little side fic of her and Eris, absolutely tired of everyone's shit.

Amelia felt her eye twitch as she processed Feyre's sentence. The whole room had gone quiet, Nesta and Elain schooling their laughter better than Amelia could have asked for. "Say that again but slower?"

Feyre looked at Amelia before looking down, muttering the sentence over with less confidence as Amelia set her fork on the table, food still completely untouched, and sighed. "Did you roll in the hay with Thomas to discover this? Or did your bear, deer, overgrown cat, hybrid mutant lover tell you this?"

Rhysand choked on his drink before clearing his throat, and Amelia continued. "Do you realize how pretentious and ridiculous you sound? Or do you simply not care because you believe your new status as a creature that oppressed what you used to be must mean you are better than the rest of us now?"

The table was fully silent. No silverware gently scraping fine plates, no soft conversations. Just Elain and Nesta looking down as Amelia waited for Feyre to attempt a battle of words with the sister who has a poisoned tongue and three fae males who knew better than to interrupt a mother figuring giving a verbal lashing. "If you're done trying to impress the male sitting beside you, graciously, in our father's spot at the table, and ready to treat us like your sisters instead of random humans whose home you have broken and barged into, and made demands of, then we can continue to eat and I will negotiate the use of our home and haven with your new," she looked between Feyre and Rhysand, deciding the best word to use, "situation."

"I didn't mean-"

"I am not finished, Feyre. If you're going to continue acting like this, I will ask you four to leave. And you," Nesta straighted as Amelia's gaze fell on her. "Enough. Stop antagonizing her. Stop picking on her. Stop treating her like a damned child. If she doesn't want to eat the food, she doesn't have to. She is fully capable of deciding that for herself. I will send you to bed. And Elain," Amelia turned to her, face still unreadable. "You are under no obligation to stay here if you do not want to risk your engagement," a pointed look to Feyre reminded the youngest sister of the sacrifices her family was risking. "But thank you for your continued grace as the hellcats argue as they always have."

Amelia stood, taking her plate with her before walking and stopping next to Rhysand. "When you are ready to negotiate the use of this manor for whatever you have planned, I'll be in my father's office. Hopefully, you won't turn it into the situation at the Beddor house." She watched Rhysand pale, smiling with a glare as she told him she knew exactly who he was with few words. "Goodnight. Enjoy your meal."

[autogyne-redacted]

Ok, so let's talk about "misandry."

(Heads up that I use terrible US foreign policy as an example of underlying gender ideology, Death to America of course)

1) if we're working within a social justice, privilege-oppression type framework, there is no systemic oppression of men as men, or trans men as trans men (beyond transphobia). Within these privilege oppression frameworks treating misandry or transandrophobia as a real thing is gonna have disastrous consequences.

2) But we need to be abandoning the identity politics social justice orthodoxy as fast as we can. Occupying a position of privilege within the discourse is dehumanizing and hellish, it has a terrible track record with transmisogyny (not a coincidence), and trying to map gendered power just by looking at identity groups means you miss a ton of what's happening within the groups, and in less straight forward ways.

3) a huge part of the gender binary is between camab ppl as (instrumental) subjects and cafab ppl as (responsive, feeling) objects. And this is fucked all around.

To pick one of the more egregious examples, US military directives make heavy use of the category of "military aged males." People outside this category are (theoretically) assumed to be non combatants while "military aged males" in ~warzones~ are basically valid targets by default. https://tinyurl.com/4skt53tx

This category also faces extra exclusion from refugee and asylum status: https://tinyurl.com/4txsmepy

We could explain this as a symptom of misogyny. That women should also be recognized as being capable of enacting violence and treated equally. This is the most straight forward application of orthodox gender theory and likely the worst.

Or we could say that there's something about the intersection of being Arab/Muslim/young/read as male that leads to a unique oppression.

But it's not like it's just this intersection. If we look at prison populations, or who gets hit by police violence, or weaponized accusations of Sexual Assault the logic is actually fairly consistent here, if a little messy to talk about.

Ppl seen as men are seen as capable of wielding power and this leads to benefits if they're seen as basically good. If they're seen as crazy, dangerous, evil, hostile, or at risk of being any of these, being seen as capable of violence makes shit way worse. Lots of intersections push you further towards being viewed as a threat.

(A pretty good bite sized model of transmisogyny is that it misgenders us as men + we get negative respect since we rejected masculinity + it frames us as crazy/dangerous).

Ppl seen as women are going to be seen as less competent, in need of guidance, control and protection by default. But it comes with certain (conditional) protections. Violence against women certainly happens, but the fact that it's a special protected category says a lot. (There's a lot to say about how much these protections are worth, who they really apply to and when they disappear and what happens then, but it's very clear that they exist and that they mean something).

4) so am I arguing for the existence of misandry? Absolutely not*. Gender is just a fucked up system of division and control all around. Privilege frameworks suggest that women are going to experience the same shit as men they share identities with + misogyny + possible extra intersectional oppression. And while this approach is sometimes helpful, I think a better default framework is that gender is just a way to create more social categories for a more complicated system of control with common threads like the subject-object binary that can play to different ways in different contexts.

The whole thing needs to be dismantled and we need to see ppl across gender categories as whole human beings with a meaningful interiority, the capacity for violence, etc. And if we recognize that gender is a complicated system of control, it follows naturally that our gender discourse shouldn't all ask men to sit down / shut up / listen.

5) the issue with transandrophobia BS is that it really wants to exceptionalize the trans masc experience. "It's fucked up that I'm being seen as suspect and capable of violence like terrible cis men, I'm obviously one of the good ones." And as they fight for the best of both worlds ("I should be respected like a man but still seen as incapable of chauvinism") it pushed naturally for trans fems to get the worst of both worlds.

6) returning to feminist "man-hating" there's a lot i oppose for being essentialist or doubling down on subject-object binary. Beyond that, a lot of it is just mean. And like, ppl can be jaded and mean sometimes. But a lot of social justice feminist dogma was ppl developing a bristly defensiveness from constant harassment and trolling. Ppl defending this as an understandable response, and then that shifting into codifying and valorizing it. And I just think it's a miserable way to live and it's miserable to be on the receiving end of it.

I think some grace and understanding for ppl being jaded and bristly is rly helpful but I'm done with valorizing it.

7) all of this said, basic feminist takes about men having lots of pressure and motivations to be chauvinist still apply. And they certainly apply to trans men. But there's a difference between having social expectations that you be a chauvinist and bowing to that pressure. And lots of men are chill and nice! Yes even cishet men!

It's easy to want to draw a hard line where you're "one of the good ones" and are categorically separated from the possibility of being sexist (ontologically incapable of violence, even?) and that goes really poorly.

(most of my beef with transandrophobia is that it's doing this + exceptionalizing trans masc experience in a way that fucks over trans fems).

But I'm not gonna ask ppl to constantly self flagellate or be hyper vigilant to make sure they don't slip up. Sin frameworks are miserable and it's not like being interpersonally shitty in a way that lines up with oppressive systems actually has consequences that much worse than just being an asshole.

So much of the more aggressive side of social justice just feels like ways to treat enemies, not your friends or ppl you want to be in community with.

I'm glad we've been moving on from it.

*editing a footnote since this has already come up a couples times / this post seems to be leaving my immediate circles: by saying misandry isn't real I mean: there isn't a systemic oppression of men as men that parallels misogyny. Gendered oppression isn't a "both sides" situation. When "egalitarian" or mra types brought "misandry" into the discourse this is what they were pushing for.

While I object to the idea that all men evenly oppress all women, patriarchy absolutely has men at the top. It's a complex and multi-directional system of power but there is an overall gendered slant to it. My framework here is still a feminist framework.

[transmascissues]

Hating pussy isn't misogyny because not only women have pussy

in theory, misogyny is oppression of women based in hatred of women, and that sounds like it would only affect women. in practice, though, it affects all women as well as many people who aren’t women.

hatred of vaginas is 100% absolutely based in misogyny at its core. in the case of the post this ask was responding to, it’s also transphobic, but that doesn’t erase the misogyny. by saying that it’s not misogynistic, you must be implying one of two things:

that misogynists are conscious of individuals’ identities and would never direct their misogyny at anyone who isn’t a woman, or

that we can only call something misogyny if it never ever affects anyone who isn’t a woman.

in regards to the first, these are transphobes we’re talking about. their whole thing is that they don’t see us as our genders. why would they stop being misogynistic toward us just because we’re not women when they very explicitly believe we’re all just weird, ugly, mentally ill women? don’t give them that kind of credit — they don’t care about how we see ourselves and they never have because they don’t respect us at all.

and in regards to the second, that’s literally an impossible standard. oppression isn’t an exact science, there will always be people affected by a form of oppression that aren’t part of the group it was “supposed to” oppress. if we only call something misogynistic when non-women are never affected by it, misogyny simply would not exist, and i really hope you’re not arguing that that’s the case.

so yes, there are many people with vaginas who are not woman, and yes, hatred of vaginas is still misogyny. oppression is never going to be simple or follow some sort of black-and-white logic that’s easy to understand or be internally consistent because it doesn’t need to be any of those things to do its job.

i understand if it’s uncomfortable to hear these things described as misogyny when you’re one of the people affected who’s not a woman, but let me let you in on a little secret: transphobes and misogynists want you to be uncomfortable. you really can’t expect oppressive systems to be set up in a way that you’re comfortable with because the whole point of them is that they see you as less than human and treat you like shit. i get that it feels bad, but everything about the existence of these systems is inherently going to feel bad. trying to deny the way they work just because you don’t like it is a pointless and frankly ridiculous task — of course you don’t like the way oppression works, it’s fucking oppression!

[genderkoolaid]

telling trans men they could never understand the true oppression of women because they were actually socialized male because of their gender & therefore have the same experience of gender as cis men comes from the same place as telling transfems et al that same exact thing but with their sex. it comes from the need to distance trans people from our experiences with gender oppression & assert that only cis women are Really oppressed & gender oppression can only be measured by proximity to ciswomanhood

the solution to this is not arguing over whether or not socialization exists (it does to some extent but it is not uniform/universal nor does it define your relationship with gender) but recognizing trans experiences with gender & oppression in their own right, not lending validity to them based on how similar they are to cis women's. trans women, trans men, and everyone else do not need to try and match their experiences with gender oppression with cis women's to be seen as real victims of the patriarchy. we need moved beyond "see! we suffer just like cis women! please let us into your feminism and stop calling us oppressors!" and towards "these are our experiences, this is how we suffer, we should have solidarity with cis women but we don't need your approval & we don't need to base our liberation around being similar to you"

[mustainegf]

→ masterpost

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏

WARNINGS: mention of abortion, angst, breakup, slight arguing, pregnancy

My footfalls were echoing in the empty hallway, with a scent of fear hanging on my nostrils; it was strange being here, under these fluorescent lights, waiting for information that could change my life within seconds. I had already been crushed by the loss of James and now this gnawing worry about my health chewed into me like a relentless beast.

Sitting in the plain white room, I felt all of that pressing down on me. Here I am alone as James is halfway around the world thrashing his guitar and screaming into his microphone. We had just recently ended our romantic relationship with each other.

There was no worse time to end things but he’d become distant, besides we were torn apart by endless touring and my own lack of confidence. I missed him so much that it hurt, a dull pain radiating from my chest throughout my whole body.

The doctor walked into the room, her face looking grave. My heart missed a beat. This won’t go well, I thought, and prepared myself for the worst.

“Miss,” she started, her voice firm but compassionate. “The tests came back… You’re almost a month into your pregnancy.”

I felt wind knocked out of me as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Pregnant? I gazed at her without hearing anything. A surge of emotions swept over me at the speed of light while my mind raced in circles.

“But…” I mumbled to myself more than to her. “How?”

We took precautions, didn't we? Yet here I am carrying our baby.

The doctor kept talking, telling me what my options were and giving support and advice, but her words became a faint hum as they got lost in the storm of thoughts inside my mind. I responded mechanically, said thank you to her and walked out of the hospital tiredly with a haze of confusion and fear in front of my mind.

I have no memory of how I actually made it home. The city rolled by on autopilot for me in a smear of color and light while my mind was stuck in an endless loop of ‘if’ or ‘why’. How would James take it? Can we save the bits and pieces left of our relationship?

As soon as I reached home, reality hit me like a jackhammer that would slam right into my face. My legs visibly shook when I crossed the door frame. Every step I took around the place echoed. Finally, I stepped into my room, which was where I hid most of the time.

I fell onto the bed, letting the tears stream down my face. I curled up on James's side, the side still scented with him, his cologne scent faintly in the sheets. It wasn't really his side any longer. It hadn't been since we broke up. But to me, it would always be his side.

My body was soon overcome by sobs, everything kicking in. There was a baby inside me, a tiny little life that James and I had brought into this world. How could this have happened? I just buried my face in the pillow, allowing the fabric to feed on my tears.

He was halfway around the world, living the life of a rock star, and I was here, alone, carrying his child.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together, but it was no use, I was shattering.

But for now, I just lay there, crying into James' pillowcase, the smell of him somehow both a comfort and a torture. The future was wide open, and I just didn't know what was going to happen. But there was one thing I did know: I wasn't alone in this. I had a little life inside me, part James and part mine, and that was something worth fighting for. Right..?

I was beyond sobbing, but inside, the storm still raged. I lay on my bed, gazing at the ceiling; and suddenly a new thought entered my head, a thought even darker, for the first time: get an abortion.

The question hung my unspoken breath, oppressive. It had been a practical solution, one that would have made things easier, make the world make sense once more.

Was I really capable of ending this life growing inside me? The life that was made up of me and the man I loved? My stomach twisted with the thought. This baby was conceived out of a love that was deep, and real, even though it had recently gone silent. A love that was no more, at least for him.

I remembered the smiling face of James when his eyes lit up atop a radiant joy. I remembered how he held me, protectively, as if I was his world entirely. Now here I was thinking about ending a life that carried a part of that love inside it.

The more I thought about it, the more abortion sounded like betrayal. Betrayal not just to James, but to myself and my future child. I covered my stomach with a hand, and found a strange connection with the life there, growing.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't end this pregnancy. The thought of disrupting something so pure, something created from the best parts of us, made me want to crumble. Again, my eyes welled up, but this time they were not the same. They were tears of acceptance, of a decision made.

I lay in our bedroom, well, my bedroom, wrapped in silence, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this decision would determine my future and that no matter what, really, I would walk the line, for James, and for the little life inside me.

It should have been just another night. The moon was low outside, shining silver through the window and painting my pacing figure in the cramped living room. The suffocating silence of our flat closed in around me; I felt like my own personal caged animal. James was late again.

When the front door finally creaked open, I whirled to face him. He stumbled in reeking of alcohol and smoke, his eyes glassy, unfocused. There was something about seeing him like this, disheveled and far away that was the thing that broke me. My heart twisted between anger and sorrow.

"You're late," I said. My voice shook with the effort of still holding it in.

He scrutinized me, the flicker of irritation running over his features again. "Got held up," he muttered, kicking off his shoes in the direction of the kitchen.

"Held up? James, you're always held up. Touring, partying, drinking, it's always something. Do you even care anymore?" My voice was rising with each word, frustration spilling gradually.

He spun around to me, his eyes narrowing. "Don't start. I'm tired."

"You're tired? What about me? I'm tired of waiting on you, of being made to feel like I'm second best behind everything else in your life!" The tears were there, but I struggled to hold them off.

He let his breath out in a whoosh, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "This again? You knew what you were getting into when we started this."

I felt his words hurt. "What I knew was that I loved you, that I believed in us. But now.now it feels like you're slipping away, like I'm losing you to this- this lifestyle."

He took a step closer and his face softened just a bit. "Baby, it's not like that. You know I love you."

I threw my head back, the tears now running down my face without hindrance. "Do you? Because I don't see it anymore. I miss you, James. I miss that boy I fell in love with. I miss my Jamie."

The gentleness touched his eyes, replacing quickly with defensiveness, his jaw ticking. "I told you, I've told you a number of times. This is my life. It's who I am."

He was lying. When I met James he wasn’t like this. He was the sweetest and shyest boy I’d ever seen. And now, we’re here…

"And what about who we are?" I sobbed, my voice cracking. "What about us? Are we just supposed to fall apart because you can't balance your life and our relationship?"

His silence was a deafening confirmation of my worst fears. He averted his gaze, looking away from me, and in that single, simple act, something inside me broke.

"I can't keep doing this," I whispered, the words almost too painful to say aloud. "I can't."

He turned back to me, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. "So what are you saying? We’re done?"

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat almost choking me to death. "Maybe. maybe we need to."

Then James just nodded, his eyes resigned. "Maybe you're right," he said softly. "Maybe we should stop. This… isn't working."

His words were final, and they hit me like a slap. We stood there facing each other, two broken people. I wanted to reach out, pull him close, and make everything better, but we both knew deep down that was much too late now.

"I love you," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "But I can't hurt this way anymore."

He nodded, letting a tear trace down his cheek. "I love you too. More than anything."

With those words, the last thread holding us together snapped. I turned away, unable to bear the sight of his pain and walked toward the bedroom. I could hear him moving there, the sound of his footsteps echoing in an empty room. He paused at the doorway, seemingly wanting to say something, but then he was gone.

I fell onto the bed, crying into the pillow. His side. That was his side, but it wasn't anymore. The bed felt huge, empty, bereft of what we had lost, and I cried until no more tears would fall, the emotional exhaustion finally dragging me off to a fitful sleep.

He was gone by morning. A note on the kitchen counter, a few hastily packed bags and the silence of an empty apartment. This was real, and it hit me harder than I could have ever imagined.

I keep the note on my bedside table.

“I love you, I’ll see you again. -Your Jamie.”

The days turned into weeks, and it didn't hurt any less. I missed him so much it physically hurt. Missed his laughter, missed his kisses on my skin. But deep in my heart, I knew we had done the right thing. I hoped.

The memory faded, and I was returned to the still quiet of the early morning. I clutched James's pillow, the faint scent of him still lingering. I missed him so much, a deep ache that never seemed to go away.

Light seeped through the curtains and filled my bedroom with its soft glow. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The now very familiar wave of nausea swept up inside me. Morning sickness was routine for me. But it had different meaning now. I knew what it was from now.

I rolled over, clutching at my stomach, and closed my eyes.

Slowly I sat up and wiped away the tears that had begun to stream down my cheeks. I had to be strong, for me and this baby. I had made my choice, and now I had to live with it.

I stood and made my way toward the bathroom. There wasn't going to be much about the path ahead that was going to be easy. That meant morning sickness in the belly. For now, one step at a time.

And maybe, just maybe, we'll find our way back to each other.

[nothorses]

I think so many TERF arguments rely on the idea that like, the only thing that could possibly justify trans people's existence is whether or not a body could be made to perfectly look one particular way after having looked another particular way. Like the argument "trans people aren't real because a man cannot physically become a woman and vice versa" is predicated entirely on the belief that what makes someone a man or a woman is their body, and nothing else.

And I get kind of tired of arguments that go after that premise alone, if I'm being honest. I think it's important to talk about how fuzzy these "male" and "female" categories really are, but the value in that conversation is in deconstructing the belief in any binary.

Transition hasn't always been around, and lots of trans people don't, won't, can't, or simply haven't transitioned yet. We know from the transmedicalist movement how harmful it can be to pin our beliefs on that model (even though it has helped us make progress in other ways).

And more importantly, I think it validates the core assumption TERFs have that what matters is actually the body. So many of them really do seem to believe that our entire argument is also around bodies, and that because a trans woman's body is capable of being functionally the same as a cis woman's body, that's what validates the existence of all trans women & all trans people.

I also see a lot of this idea that we really believe that trans people's experiences perfectly mirror the experiences of their cis counterparts, and I think that like, it is actually useful to acknowledge the differences in experiences and body in these conversations. I think it's important to be able to talk about how even though I as a trans man have not had the same experiences as most cis men, nor do I have the same body- and even though I am not socially/politically classed the way a cis man is- I also don't have the exact same experiences, body, and social/political classification as cis women.

I think being able to talk about trans people as a different social/political class is important in a lot of ways, and I think it also forces the conversation with TERFs and other transphobes into a new place: it's not about whether we're the same, it's about whether we exist. It's about our material realities and lived experiences, and it's about our internal thoughts and feelings, and our relationships to ourselves.

It's a lot harder to make the argument that they know how we think and feel and what we go through, and it's a lot harder to argue about the internal relationship people have with the concept of gender, than it is to argue about, like, chromosomes or whatever.

The fact of the matter is that they are just straight-up ignoring the way the rest of the world defines gender, the lived and recorded experiences of trans people, and a whole category of oppression that has been thoroughly researched and documented. They're going "nuh-uh!!" whenever someone talks about something they've felt or experienced, and they're calling that a cogent argument.

Y'all, we know trans people's bodies and experiences are different. The whole concept of transphobia relies on it. We're not trying to say otherwise, and we don't need to!

What we're saying is that people have experiences that don't fit a binary model, and there's research to back that up. TERFs etc. are still gonna argue that point, and they do, but like. Make them. Don't engage in shit that doesn't actually matter to that central point in the first place.

(Bonus: in doing so, you make the conversation one that benefits more than just TERFs and other transphobes. You can now actually help broaden people's understanding of trans identity & engage in a useful conversation with people likely to listen!)