#you can’t even scratch yourself at that point I’d fly into a rage

[oddly-casual]

I know collectively as a fandom we decided Rise Mikey has multiple stickers on him at every given moment but I’m convinced that this only works if he’s a turtle because imagine trying to keep several stickers on your body every day I would cry

[babytaes]

†hê Ðêmðñ (the beauty of sin)

𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞: You're a guardian angel who's never been tasked with protecting anyone. Since you've been here since Creation, sitting around in heaven hasn't brought you any rewards. You were looking forward to the day when you'd be assigned a human to look after. When that day finally arrives, things take an unexpected turn when you are assigned to Heeseung, a demon from the underworld.

𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: heeseung x female reader

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: angst, suggestive/smut

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 4k

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: profanity, smut scenes, bad boy heeseung (lol), 

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: click me before reading!

➳ part of the drunk & dazed series

☆ ҉ ◢▅◣

Sin is a spiritual virus that invades the whole being. It makes you morally and spiritually weak. It’s a deadly disease that infects every part of you: your body, your mind, your emotions, and your motives—absolutely everything. Nobody has the strength on their own to overcome its power.

Nobody should ever commit sin, never giving in to their worldly and sinful impulses. It's unjust and wrong. However, what is it about sin that makes it so fascinating and enjoyable?

It gave you joy to see it in his smile or the way his hands caressed your body. What a lovely thing sin is!

Even though some sins are innocent and enjoyable, sometimes regulations are supposed to be broken. Everyone, after all, is a sinner.

“WHAT!?,?” You began to sweat as you worriedly communicated your concerns to your overseer, “You must be mistaken, High Lord.”

“I understand the protocol; angels are supposed to serve as "guardian angels" to beautiful or broken souls on Earth. You know we're expected to look after them and keep an eye on them to make sure they stay on track. With all due respect, ma'am, I don't believe I'm qualified for this position; at the very least, someone of level 10 would be ideal.”

Her cream-colored wings swept her off her feet as she chuckled and waved for you to follow her. You sighed as you flutter up and away with her, trailing behind her, feeling a twitch in yours.

As you eventually caught up to her, dodging angels left and right, you apologized to random angels in your path, uncomfortably smiled at the people you bumped into with your wings.

You retracted your wings closer to you and walked uneasily beside your overseer as you carefully stepped down on the golden road.

Before you could say anything, she quietly took your hand in hers and gently kissed it, assuring you that everything would be alright. As you approached the center of the commotion, you bit your lower lip and remained silent.

Looking around at the community, it warmed your heart to see so many people, young and old, out here. Some you've known since the beginning of time, while others were born only last week. Everyone had gathered to witness the masterpiece that would emerge in an instant.

“You know Y/N I have complete faith in you that this first expedition will be a breeze,” you smiled, looking up at her with excitement and a tinge of fear in your eyes. “We wouldn't have suggested you for the job unless we knew who you really are, and you've earned it.” Don't worry, you were expecting this; now have a look.”

With her finger pointing to the stage forward, you were treated to yet another spectacular show. They're known as the "Grand Turning" in Heaven. This is where a new or seasoned angel has completed his or her training with a human or demon and earned their proper place in the community.

It could be a badge, a ribbon, or something more unique, such as the opportunity to talk with the all-powerful, our God.

Despite the fact that you were assigned to him, you were determined to get those jobs because they were the only way for you to ever get that honor. You weren't going to allow Mr. Unperfect take away that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Nobody could and will ever be able to make you fail this assignment; you were meticulously prepped. You were taught the correct and only way to do things, and now was your opportunity to shine. You were not going to be a Lucifer, cast from Heaven

“I'll do it,” you said to your supervisor, a smile on your face and confidence in your eyes. She turned to face you and hugged you passionately, rubbing your wings with a motherly devotion.

“I knew you could do it; now it's time to get you ready.”

---

When people have a near-death experience, they always remark that life flashes before their eyes. Unfortunately for angels, it's the contrary; when we're approached with a high-alert danger or warning, it's more of a gentle whisper in our ears. Normally more attentive while traveling to Earth.

The best place to be humans say.. What is with these fickle minded words?

You take a deep breath and turn to face your overseer, who is polishing her wings to ensure that they are kept in order. When having wings, a routine is taught from the beginning to keep them in a good up do. Nobody wants to look simple when you can look stunning.

She took your hand in hers and walked toward the end of the route, issuing some documents to the Pearl City Gate guards. You noticed the circular orb while glancing around.

"How can some humans believe in the world being flat, we literally have an air-like view. To me, it's definitely round.” She chuckled as she pinched your cheeks and turned your puzzled face to her.

“When you get down to earth, you'll see a lot of that, people with a lot of opinions. But what did you learn in your training?”

Standing up and smoothing your wings, you calmly shouted out the words as if they were written on the back of your palm.

“Although humans are the destroyers of their own precious planet, everyone's opinion matters, regardless of race, gender, or identity.”

“Well, not all,” you began scratching your head, “I've seen some harsh individuals in our study books, God should strike them down-“

“Um no ma'am, let us put it aside for the time being and focus on what needs to be done.” She started going over a list of laws and regulations for your descent to Earth. As you gave her a thumbs up, you were attentively listening and mentally bookmarking everything in their designated area.

I believe I have a good understanding of everything, and I think I am prepared.” She offered you a short hug before letting you go, showing her affection for you. You were going to miss her, despite the fact that it was a mutually-surface relationship.

“Last but not least, this ordeal will be different in that people will be able to see you. But if you have to use your wings, the lad is the only one who can see you. When you arrive, he will be waiting for you. My child, best of luck and may God bless you.”

You let go of her and moved toward the road's edge, gripping your bag as you turned to face her and waved farewell as you stepped over the brink.

“Wait a minute, what if-“

When you felt a push from behind, you tumbled off the ledge and spun around in the sky, where you saw a smiling face as you glanced up. They didn't tell you that you'd have to be pushed. As you plunged to Earth, you closed your eyes, terrified. Oh, how nice.

Screaming, you descended into the atmosphere, your narrowed eyes seeing glimpses of land here and there. Not letting up you let your wings cover your whole body as you plopped down onto soft green grass.

You peered out from your wings, gasping for air, and glanced up.

“Oh, Heavens”

His physique was slender, active, and well-groomed, with a trace of bad boy behavior in his scent. The first thing that struck your eye were the rips in his jeans. How could a man-made mistake seem to be so appealing? As you raised your eyes, you noticed tattoos splattered across his arms and up to his neck. His black velvet-like wings fluttering in the breeze, he raised his palm to his hair and stroked through the old curls, deconstructing the pattern they had once formed.

“Did you just pull a Lucifer or was this all planned?” he coughed as he put out his hand to you, taking a good look at you.

Stuttering in your words you quickly got up and patted yourself off and finally looked him in the eyes, noticing his dark eyes.

“Well, that wasn't supposed to happen, I hoped to fly down here and appear more Angel-like, but I think my overseer had other ideas.”

He said, "Ah," with a bored expression on his face.

“My name is Heeseung, and if you don't mind, I assume you don't.” I guess my name is well-known in Heaven. You're probably the fifth Angel who has appeared in the last year to “assist me.” What a load of bullshit; you can't hide what's already there, you know.”

He made a pouty look as he smirked closer to you before covering his hand with his mouth and saying, “oh forgive me, I suppose I have a potty mouth.”

Panicking at this new light, you smiled and coughed loudly and suddenly, “Before you say anything else, I'd want to inform you that I'm not like those angels we don't talk about. I have a holy standard that I adhere to.

He rushed to your face, rolling his eyes at your innocence, and murmured to you, "well see about that little Ms. Purity."

As you moved back and shook your head, spurring out prayers, you tugged the strings of your bag close to you, seeming irritated. Looking up, you noticed him hovering in mid-air with his arms crossed, waiting for you.

“Whether you're coming or not, I'm in the mood for a cup of coffee. Allow me to go fetch you one so that this whole ordeal between us may be over soon and we can both return to our respective worlds.”

You instantly snap open your wings and shot up into the sky, scoffing at his rudeness, and dash by him, racing to the left.

“It's this way, dummy,” he cackled as he immediately shot out. Embarrassed and annoyed, you flipped over to his side and flew alongside him, praying to the Lord for peace as your rage subsided.

“Lord, so help me”

---

 “So, what's on the agenda, Ms. Purity? There are a lot of things I'd want to do with you. You know, if you just ditch this whole act, we might be able to have some fun. He winked at you as he sipped his drink while peering across the table.

You shook your head and chuckled, gagging at his remark, "You must get all the girls, you appear really, what's the word, competent" I'm astonished since I assumed everyone down under was inept.”

He smirked and crossed his legs as he lay startled in his chair, cocking his head to the side. It's not that you were trying to be mean; it's just what you were taught. There are no hard feelings.

“Well, as much as I'd like to keep this delightful little date going, I have a commitment to fulfill. You know, duty calls.” You quickly got up and hurried after him, confused as to where he was going, as he shot up in the air and chuckled, waving farewell to you.

“Wait, Heeseung, you can't just go away like that. We need to figure out how I'm going to find you. You're being impolite by getting up and leaving.” You made yourself look insane since you didn't realize no one could see him. You wouldn't want to be labeled as one of these Earthlings.

You beckoned him down, mentally terrified, “Please can you just come down for a damn second.” Your jaw dropped as you hurriedly covered your mouth. Heeseung's jaw dropped when he appeared in front of you, stunned.

“Gasp, I'm hearing a term I'm sure they don't say in Heaven. Hmm, I suppose the Earth changes people.” He went closer to your ear, his warm arm bouncing on your skin as he giggled, his lips inches away from yours.

“I've already entered my phone number into your phone; you do understand what a phone is, right?” Doesn't matter,  I have to get somewhere, and you can locate me later. Okay, I'll see you later.” He swept up in the air and rushed over to the bridge as he vanished into the horizon, rushing out in a haste once more.

You sat back in the coffee chair, wiped your brow, and focused mentally and spiritually, pleading with the Lord for help and forgiveness. You had a feeling this mission was going to be a disaster.

Whining, you threw your hands in the air and sat face down on the table, groaning as you realized this trek. It's no surprise that these honors are well-deserved; it takes a lot of effort.

You cautiously lifted your head and faced the barista after hearing a soft tap on your table. She smiled at you as she set down a piece of paper. You scowled as you inspected the weird set of paper.

“What a jerk, he didn't just leave me to pay for both drinks.” With a shake of your head, you reached inside your bag and drew out a wallet. Your overseer informed you that many people like flaunting and spending their money, so she provided some for you just in case.

As you cleaned up, you began to mentally map out your route through town, mentally picturing the locations and navigating your way home. As you walked over to the cashier, you handed her some money and thanked her before heading out the door.

At the very least, you landed in a fantastic location. It was in the heart of South Korea, and the city was called Seoul, a wonderful metropolis to be sure. You were taught to master specific languages for specific tasks, so communicating wasn't a problem. Despite the fact that you were new in a strange place, you were determined to make the most of it. The first step was to return home and examine the situation.

How to manage Lee Heeseung. 

Arriving at your small abode was an adventure in itself; it didn't take long for you to connect your GPS and get going. It was actually fairly pleasant and provided a change of scenery to enjoy. It's not quite Heaven, but it's still lovely. When you finally arrive at your destination, you look up to see a little, charming apartment in front of you.

They really went all out for you, and it's very much in your style. You'd felt right at home as soon as you stepped inside, as it was more modern and sophisticated.

To be honest, you had no idea what you were doing, but it felt good to have your own little place to do anything you wanted. You could get used to this, no wonder why humans never leave their house. Who would want to leave when you have everything here. Food, entertainment, and a BALCONY!!

As you finished exploring the apartment and basked in its magnificence, you laughed to yourself as you made your way to the couch, sinking into its coziness as sleep took over your mind and body.

*Crunch, thud, bang*

As you lurched forward, you flew up your wings in defense mode, trying to understand what you'd heard.

“Who's there? I have a weapon, and I'm not afraid to use it.”

When you hear a familiar giggle, you look up and see the attractive intruder. Walking over to you and snatching the pillow from your grasp he took your hand and pulled you over to the island where he had prepared some food.

As you took it all in, you smelt familiar scents and smiled, completely forgetting about it until you were reminded again.

“Wait, what are you doing in my apartment, and how did you get in?”

He began to remove some pots and pans from the stove while he placed some food on a platter, saying, "I have my methods."

“I'm not sure what you eat up there in Heaven, but I'm guessing it's all healthy and nutritious food.” You laughed and shook your hand in disbelief while shaking your head.

“I don’t think out of all places we would be eating so strictly. It's basically whatever you can get your hands on.. It's guaranteed to be better food than what you'll find in Hell.”

Pulling the dish away from him, you began to pick at the fries, popping one into your mouth and savoring the flavor, “not bad.”

He bowed in front of you, wiped the sweets from his brow, and returned to sit next to you, grabbing a dish and feeding himself some. As the night progressed, you told him the rundown for the next three months.

“So, despite the fact that you're definitely one of the worst jerks I've ever encountered. For this to function, we'll need to create certain ground rules.” Aiming a finger between you and him. “I'm not sure whether you've ever had to do anything for anyone else in your life, but it's all about serving people around here, and that's why I accepted this assignment. Even if you don't want to help yourself, I want to help you.”

As Heeseung shuffled around in his chair, avoiding eye contact with you, the atmosphere became tense.

“Harsh, but keep going.”

Smiling you continued as you tried to wrap your head around this complex creature.

“I understand that we are supposed to protect and guide you to do good, but it appears that we have progressed far beyond that, and we need to start at the source of your problem, which is most likely your heart or mind. What's going on in both?

As his words danced across your lips, he smirked and drew you closer to him.

“Now there's a secret.” 

Smirking as your face felt warm, you cocked your head to the side and touched his shoulder before getting up and setting your dish in the sink, cleaning up as piercing eyes stabbed your back.

“I understand what you're thinking, and I've got it all under control.”

He approached you and said, "If you say so," as he put his head against your ear.

2 months later 

Everything was certainly out of hand, and he was to blame. Your strategy not only failed, but it was only a matter of time until your overseer found out. And you didn’t want to end up like the last guy tossed from Heaven.

It wasn't all that bad, but who were you kidding, it was a disaster. It wasn't a major shift; rather, it was a series of modest changes. Things like accidentally cursing or hanging out with him at ungodly hours. You convinced yourself that everything was OK.

He drew you into your room and sat you down while hovering over you, gently caressing your body and kissing you.

You smiled and drew him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his waist and bringing him down on you, closing the distance between you.

Heeseung has been on a mission to damage your "innocent demeanor" for the past two weeks. He intended to show you that it was all a charade and that no one is actually perfect. Despite not knowing what he was going to do, you were up for the challenge. That core part of you didn't take long to succumb to his immoral impulses.

What was the problem as long as you were both happy?

“Heeseung,” you say as he draws you closer to him and unclasps your bra with his free hand. As you slowly rise to assist him, you toss the material to the ground and reach for his sweatpants.

“Someone a little needy, but we are not doing that today. Today is all about pampering my lovely angel. Is it all right?”

Nodding your head, you keep an eye on him as he goes between your legs, halting at the bottom as he eyes your breast and grasps softly as your body adjusts.

“Hurry up,” you grumble as you stare at his sinister grin. As you moan, he places gentle lips along your folds, leaning down to your core. As you twitch under his touch, his finger makes a fast dive between your folds, inciting dampness.

As you whine from the pressure, your eyes flutter shut as he switches his finger out with his tongue, softly licking up your surface.

“mm, close,” you exclaim, your lips wide open as he notices your clit, tongue flicking lustfully against it. As he presses harder on your sensitive region, he laughs as you break apart under his power.

“Oh God, right there.” 

“Please don't involve Him in this.” He hits a place as your high comes crashing down on you, chuckling at your reaction. Heeseung is holding you down and watching you quiver wildly as you release juice, which causes him to swallow it before wiping his mouth. As you fall onto his body, overwhelmed and still sensitive to the sensation, he pulls you up.

He lays your exhausted body next to his and wipes any excess arousal from his mouth before kissing your lips.

You both lay in a comfortable stillness for the remainder of the night, your breathing slowly returning to normal as you sign into his arms.

“Perhaps you're right; we're all just horny, messed-up creatures; I mean, even though what we're doing is completely wrong, it was fun to break the rules. My entire life has been focused on doing the right thing and being this upstanding angel. It's fun to deviate from the norm.” As Heeseung witnessed you erupt in rage, you became agitated.

“You’re cute when you’re mad, also I told you.” You both chuckled as you pushed him to the side before coming to a halt in the middle of your conversation, looking concerned at him.

“However, I leave tomorrow and I don't think I'll be ready to see you off, and this was not in my plan.”

“Shhh, I figured it out; just stick to my plan and we'll both come out on top.”

You sat closer to him, nodding your head and clasping your hand in his as you allowed sleep to take over your body.

As you may know, angels and humans have quite distinct punishments; some humans are never punished for their wrongdoings, whereas angels' actions are usually discovered one way or another.

And you were terrified that they would find out. The person who fell from the edge was not the same person who was returning back and everyone was going to know it. Just not right now, you had to maintain your composure as you approached your overseer.

As you were greeted with the overseer and some guards, you held Heeseung by his chains and whispered something into his ear.

“I see you were having a good time?” You shook your head and looked down, worried. You looked up at her with sad eyes.

“Yes, High Lord, I am aware of my error and what needs to be done in order to be purified once more. I accept complete responsibility for this assignment, but I crack him first, and we have all the secrets we need.”

As he observed you return to the opposite side with the overseer, Heeseung's gaze shifted up in fright. Fearing for his life, he flailed his wings in an attempt to flee.

“What the hell, Y/N, I thought we were on the same team.” How could you betray me in such a way?” You walked over to his trembling body and pushed him down so you were above him, laughing loudly. You patted his shoulder as you cackled.

“And they said angels could be trustworthy. I know what I'm worth, and it has nothing to do with you. Heseeung, please accept my apologies. Get him out of here.” The guards grabbed his chains and dragged him to a chamber across the room from you.

As she began to compliment you on your efforts, the supervisor wrapped her arm around your shoulder.

“I'm proud of you, Y/N, even though you used some terrible techniques. I knew you'd be able to pull it off.”

You grinned joyously and thanked her for her faith in you as you looked up at her face. You cast another peek at Heeseung as she stepped forward, and he winked at you. Smirking before he disappeared into the room you chuckled at his behavior.

Everything was going swimmingly, and no one had a clue. I suppose taking over Heaven would be a simple task; if you can blow up the inside, everything will fall apart on its own.

"How could you hide this from all of us?" "Oh God, you underestimated me."

The Beauty of Sin.

☆ ҉ ◢▅◣

➳ Navigate to the Maze

[kindapinkskies]

i know | jj maybank

hellooooo i've risen from the dead and its with a fic about outer banks... i've fallen in love with jj... thats my baby

this was supposed to be a 5+1 concept and it still kinda is but i got really really carried away. as my new friend @captainpogue​ calls it the too much gene. so buckle up and grab a snack this is 21k words lmaoooo i hope you enjoy

i love you already

warnings: nothing more than what is mentioned in the show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were laying on your stomach, on your bed, flipping through a book. It didn’t have your full attention as your mind was elsewhere. Music filtered in through your headphones but you weren’t really listening to it, either. It was almost dark outside and with the power still out, the few candles lit in your room did little to help you focus on the words in front of you.

It was also extremely hot. You were sweating just laying there. Your shirt was stuck to you and your shorts felt uncomfortable even if they were cloth sleeping shorts. Letting out a frustrated groan, you drop your head down to the book but immediately wince when you feel it get stuck to your forehead. You have to slowly lift your head and peel the page off with your fingers. Gross.

Moving the book, you lay your head down again and just try to breathe. The events of the day are finally catching up to you, making you a bit tired. Your mind is racing as the memories flash through like a movie playing behind your eyelids. Walking down the street and hearing a distressed, “Just shut up, Pope!” You recognized the voice like it was your own and rushed across the street where you came face to face with your group. JJ had looked at you, guilt shining in his eyes as he looked back at Shoupe, “Yeah, it was all me.”

A distressed sigh -one that matched the one you let out as you helplessly watched JJ get pushed into the back of the cop car- leaves your body in a rush and it makes your bed bounce just a little with the force of it. Kiara had moved up to you as you watched Pope let out a scream and storm off, his dad following him angrily with the hat Pope had thrown to the ground. She explained what she knew and all you could do was close your eyes and let out a breath. You knew JJ getting arrested, again, wouldn’t be good for him. He’s seventeen now, still a minor, but he’s so close to being tried as an adult and that scares you.

“Hey, you want to go to the police station, see if we can do something?” Kie had offered when she noticed that you’d done nothing but stare off in the direction the cop car had gone.

“No, his dad will most likely show up.” you stated and winced at your own words. “I’m just going to go home. I’d say text me but you know, towers are down. And my phone might even be dead with the whole no power thing.”

Kie laughed at your tone and it pulled a laugh out of you as well.

Rolling onto your back, you cover your face with your hands and try really hard to keep your frustrations at bay. You know JJ didn’t do shit this time around. You know what he’s covering for and why he’s doing it but god damn it you wished he had a little bit more common sense sometimes. You wish he wouldn’t put others before himself sometimes, even though that wasn’t in his nature. You wish he didn’t have such a temper sometimes, or the need to prove himself, because then that’d help him stay under the radar a bit easier. But you knew that JJ would never lose those parts of himself, that’s just who he was. Someone who cared about others too much because he didn’t want them to feel what he’s felt his whole life but had a temper like no other.

The temper is something you’ve tried working on with him for as long as you’ve known him. Since the first time you saw him lose it at the age of twelve. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism, to fly off the handles as soon as someone upset him enough. You guessed it was because he knew nothing else. Growing up around that kind of behavior, it just kind of sticks. He tries though, tries to keep it under control for as long as possible though, hating that he gets so angry so easily but people just make him so mad. You’ve told him that he gets that way because he bottles up everything he’s feeling when he’s feeling it and it just keeps building until he snaps. And when he snaps, it’s because he filled himself up with so much rage it has nowhere else to go than through his fists, or yelling, or apparently holding someone at gunpoint.

Tears of frustration for JJ start to build behind your eyelids and your nose starts to tingle but you just can’t help it. JJ doesn’t deserve the things he’s been put through, he really doesn’t. He’s a good person. He has good intentions behind most of the crazy shit he does. It’s just that he doesn’t think of the consequences before he goes through with his impulses. His snap judgement choices weigh out any other rational thought in his head.

Like he clearly didn’t think of what would happen to him when taking the blame for a felony charge and you really hope he’s okay. You kinda hope his dad didn’t show up to get him from the police station and that he’s still there because you know the outcome of the scenario. You’ve been on the comforting end of those scenarios more often than not and each time it breaks your heart. To see the boy cut up and bruised by the hand of his own father. He brushes it off every time, ‘It’s nothing I can’t handle’ but you see the pain there. The shine in his eyes and the deep breaths to keep himself from crying. You see it. Every. Time.

You can only hope that today won’t be one of those days where JJ will be littered with dark bruises and deep cuts. Your heart hammers in your chest at the thought of JJ not even making it out of his house today. That’s he’s too hurt to move and that makes a breath stutter out of you in the force of a sob. You press the heels of your hands harder to your closed eyelids in hopes to stop the tears from falling when you feel a weight drop down around your legs. You let out a yelp as your eyes fly open and you sit up in the process.

JJ stands there, at the end of your bed, with his hands on either side of your knees. Your heart nearly drops to your toes when you take in his appearance. Your hopes of him coming out of today unscathed were just that, hopes. The left side of his face is nearly purple, there’s cuts on his eyebrow, cheek, jaw, and a few around his neck line. His eyes are red rimmed and the tip of his nose is just as red. Jaw clenched and breathing ragged, you can tell he’s doing everything he can to hold back his tears. Some have already fallen, you know that, but that was when he was alone. Now he’s trying to act like everything’s fine when you know it’s not. When you both know it’s not.

“JJ,” you breathe out, removing your headphones and tossing your phone to the floor. His face crumples at your voice and you’re a bit relieved. He’s not going to hide how he feels and that just makes you whisper his name again, “JJ.”

That’s all it takes before JJ removes his backpack and climbs up the length of your body, pushing you to lay back down as he settles on top of you. He shakes against you as you wrap yourself around him. One hand goes up the back of his shirt and the other knocks off his hat so you can run your fingers through his hair. He lets out a shaky breath against your neck and then he’s crying. He shoves his face into your neck and you move a little to the side to let him get more comfortable, wanting to give him all the comfort in the world.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.” You repeat the words over and over again, hoping that they’ll sink in and bounce around in his head so he’ll believe them. “I was so worried about you. That’s why I was crying when you showed up. You worry me, JJ. You always do.”

He starts to settle down after that and you let out a breath, moving one of your hands to quickly remove the tears from your own cheeks before moving back to running your fingers through his hair. “It’s not a bad thing that you worry me. I only worry because I care about you. I care about you more than I care about anyone else.”

Stuttering breaths still fan over the skin of your neck and you just continue to run your hands over him. Your hand on his back is lightly scratching at the skin there, your fingernails leaving a trail of goosebumps. Your other hand is playing with the strands of his hair, untangling them and smoothing them over. “You’ll be okay, JJ.”

When you feel him nod, you know you got him back down to earth. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay then, let’s go check out those cuts.”

You both get off the bed, JJ focusing too hard on the ground but nonetheless let’s you take his hand and guide him down the hall and into the bathroom. Once he’s seated, on the closed lid of the toilet, you move in between his legs to get close enough to inspect his face. His hands trail up the backs of your legs and wrap around your thighs. It’s a subconscious move on his part, it always is when you’re in this position. For some reason it brings him comfort, it grounds him, keeps him aware that you’re there and in front of him. His thumbs trace up and down on the outsides of your thighs as he tilts his head back for you.

You clean up the dry blood around his eyebrow, cheek, and lip. He hisses at the pressure to get it all off and whines when you clean the cuts with an antiseptic. You apologize by placing delicate kisses over the broken skin. A sigh escapes through his parted lips and his hands move up to the point where his fingers graze the bottom of your shorts.

“Hi, baby,” you whisper against his lips, ghosting yours over his to try and soothe the sting out of the cut. You’re not too sure how good it works but JJ relaxes a bit more under your touch.  

A small smile pulls at JJ’s lips as his eyes meet yours, “Hi, baby,” he echoes and his lips brush against yours.

Running your fingers through his hair, you tug a little at the strands and his eyes fall closed once again. You take the opportunity to run your fingers carefully over the bruises littering his delicate skin. There’s nothing you wish for more than for your fingertips to magically heal the darkened, painful, skin of his face.

Another sigh leaves through his parted lips and this time he sounds a bit watery. You grab onto his face with both hands and push your thumbs up under his closed eyelids to see if tears will leak through. And when they do, you swipe them away. “I owe 30 grand in restitution for sinking the boat. My dad didn’t like that.”

The question of what happened would always sit there on the tip of your tongue but you always knew what happened so you would never ask. It was always the same, it was just the reason that changed. And JJ would tell you it every time, once he calmed enough to talk about it.

“You didn’t do it, JJ.”

JJ sighs, “Yeah, I know. But Pope doesn’t deserve that charge. He has so much to look forward to. A way to get out of here and I couldn’t let him throw that away.”

Your hands move his face to a position that when he opens his eyes, he’ll be looking right at you. He knows that so he does and when he does, tears slide down his cheeks before your thumbs have a chance to stop them. “Yeah, but what about you?”

“We all know where I come from. There’s no way I’ll ever be more than that.”

“Don’t-“

He cuts you off, “No, it’s true. Look at me? Look at the shit I’m in. I have nothing going for me. I have nothing to lose. I might as well start now, the life I’m destined to live.”

Your nose starts to tingle once again, the tears resurfacing, “JJ, stop.”

“What?” he scoffs, “You want me to stop telling the truth? When will you realize that I’m correct? That I’m not good for anyone.”

“You’re nothing like him, JJ. You never have been and that’s something you need to realize.” You tug on his hair again, to make sure you have his attention. “The way you care about those you love. I mean, today was a bit reckless but you protected your friend. You protect the entire friend group. You’d never hurt anyone just for the hell of it, just because you felt like it, that’s not you, JJ. “

Looking him in the eyes, you try your best to convey the severity of your words, “You say you have nothing to lose but you do. You have me for one, then there's John B, Kie, Pope. If you keep doing reckless shit you’ll lose us. We need you JJ, you’re the biggest support system in our little group.”

JJ doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He taps on your thigh, signaling for you to move and when you do he just walks out of the bathroom. You let out a sigh and drop your head, leaving it to hang for a few moments while you steady your breathing to make sure you don’t cry. Everything you said was true and you wished he believed it. The group is full of strong personalities but JJ is the one that keeps everyone a bit sane. He stops people from bickering, he keeps the mood light when it gets to be heavy, he listens to everyone so intently that he knows every detail about anyone. He’s the first to speak up when others are talking down to your group, he's the first to throw a punch in defense. He’s the one, specifically, that brings light to your life every day.

You clean up the bathroom slowly, distracting yourself so you don’t cry. Now is not the time to be emotional, not when JJ’s headspace is so low. This isn’t the first time this has happened and you know it won’t be the last. The amount of self loathing that boy has for himself will stick around no matter what people tell him. It gets better at times but his dad has a way of making it come to the forefront of his brain more often than not.

It’s about fifteen minutes later, stalling as much as possible, before you make your way back to your room. You have a glass of water and some pain killers now because you know that JJ didn’t leave, that he wouldn’t leave. He never does.

“Here,” you murmur, handing over the glass and two pills. “Lay down and go to sleep.”

He has his shirt off and he watches as you move around the room. His gaze is heavy and it makes you feel even warmer than you’re already feeling. You pick up things around the room, dirty clothes, cups, pieces of trash, anything to keep you busy. It’s not something you want to do but you also want to give JJ some space. You won’t admit it but it upsets you every time he starts talking like that and you know he knows that. He always lasts about 13 minutes before he breaks down.

And right on the dot, as you have an armful of dirty clothes to drop in the hamper, he speaks up. “Will you come lay down?”

“I’m going to take a shower. I feel gross.”

JJ lets out a tired sigh, “I’ve calmed down, please come here.”

“I feel gross,” you argue. He may have calmed down but you’re still hurt at his words. You know he doesn’t do it on purpose but it hurts to know that he believes he’s not worth anything, that he’s not afraid of losing you or anyone else that cares about him.

“There’s no point in showering, if I’m not going to shower and we end up pressed against each other anyway. We’ll be sweaty regardless.” He reasons, his voice on the verge of despair and you know that he needs you close right now. That he needs the comfort he seeks. “Please?”

Your heart softens at the tone of his voice and you cave.  Dropping the clothes into the hamper you shuffle over to the empty side of your bed. JJ turns his back to you and you settle in behind him, shoving one arm under his neck and wrapping the other one around his waist. You pull him close to you, both palms flat against his chest, molding your body against his. JJ brings a hand to the top of yours and laces his fingers with yours. He lets out a stuttering breath when you place your lips to the back of his neck.

“I have one thing to lose,” he breathes out, “and it’s you.” You press another kiss to the back of his neck before digging your nose to the skin there. “I love you, you know”

“Yeah, I know.” You squeeze his hand and he squeezes back. “I love you, you know.”

JJ sighs and relaxes completely, like he’d been waiting for you to say those exact words, “I know.”

He falls asleep a few minutes later.

-

-

It’s about three days later when you’re walking down the street when you notice a familiar looking jeep coming towards you. Your hopes for it to just keep driving die before they’re fully even there because it stops next to you, making you stumble a bit at the closeness.

“Pogue.”

“Topper.” you sigh, stepping up to his driver window. “I have a name.”

“Yeah, but I don’t really care.” He looks you up and down before smirking, “But I could.”

You roll your eyes, “Hm, in your dreams. What do you want?”

“Just wanted to see how your little group of Pogues are doing with your precious Pope in the slammer?” He raises an eyebrow in question.

You cross your arms over your chest and step closer. You’re not above fighting. You know how to, you were taught how to fight correctly, your dad teaching you at a young age. He felt the need to, with where you live and the stability you have in such an area.

“Yeah, see, JJ was the one that ended up there.”

Topper’s face falls and his skin turns a bit pale at your words. He won’t ever admit it, but you know that he’s secretly scared of JJ. Him and his friends, they all are. Never once have you seen them go to him one on one. They always have 2 or more and it always fills you with pride because JJ does know how to fight but it’s never fair because he’s just one and they gang up on him.

“Why?” he questions.

“Well, Top, that’s because he’s a good person. Unlike you.” you sneer, not backing down. He’s bigger than you, probably stronger than you but you’re not scared of him. You never have been.

“I didn’t want to press the charges, it wasn’t me!” His cocky demeanor falls quickly at the newfound information and it makes you laugh. “It was my mom, I swear.”

“Right, so you couldn’t have stopped her? Couldn’t have done anything when you know the reason it was done in the first place was because you jumped someone who was just trying to do their job. Someone who works for their money. Does someone working to keep themselves afloat scare you? What is it! Huh? You don’t like it?” You can’t help yourself. The force in which your voice is coming out startles you just as much as it does Topper.

“Oh please,” Topper scoffs, rolling his eyes in the process, “don’t act like they’re all innocent. I had a gun held to my head.”

“Yeah, true, but you were about to kill one of our friends! You’re no better than any of us. Oh! And should I mention how you almost killed another one the other night at the outdoor movie? Should I bring that up to someone? Hm? Maybe your mom or maybe the police?” You tilt your head to the side, taunting him a bit.

“Like anyone would believe someone like you,” Topper laughs.

You laugh right back, “Do you forget that I’m actually right under you, status wise? That my family just chooses to live where we do because we’re not a bunch of prissy snobs. People would believe me.”

“Do your Pogues know about you?”

“Of course they do. Do you think that me having money changes anything?” You question, rolling your eyes. “Actually, this conversation is going nowhere. I’m done. I have somewhere I need to be.”

When you step back and start walking, Topper gets out and follows you. “Come back here!”

“For what! What do you want?”

“You need to be knocked down a peg or two. Remind you where you are and who you hang out with,” He steps up to you, trying to seem threatening.

You look up at him bored, “Okay, Topper. Why don’t you get back in your car and drive away. Go do some drugs or beat up on someone working.”

He grabs at your arm and pulls you chest to chest with him, getting in your face in the process. “You don’t know me!”

“And I don’t want to. Now, let me go.”

When you fight against his grip he just holds on tighter. You wince and you know it’ll bruise, “I’m not above hitting a girl. Especially when she’s asking for it.”

“Do it, I dare you.” you challenge, stepping up to nearly pressing your nose to his. You’re not too sure how you didn’t see it coming, probably because you were really challenging him. But he didn’t seem to think the same thing because he surges forward to press his lips to yours. You back away as far as possible but his grip on you doesn’t let you go far and his lips make contact with yours. “Get off of me!”

You stomp on his foot and knee him in the stomach and that gets him to let go. “You bitch!” he grumbles out and reaches for your leg, pulling it out from under you. You land on the ground with a groan and kick at him when he grabs your ankle and bends down to punch you across the face, “Fucking stop!”

“You’re the one that grabbed me, now let go!” You kick at him again and get him in the groin this time. And when he bends over you get enough momentum to deliver a punch to the side of his face. He lands on his side and you push him around until he’s on his back and punch him again before standing up. You stick your boot up under his chin and step on his neck just enough to make it harder for him to breathe. “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.”

“You bitch!” He exclaims again, trying to lunge up at you again but when it doesn’t work he scratches down your leg, cutting into the skin. You push into his neck more when he doesn’t stop. “You do belong with the Pogues.”

“I know,” you smirk, leaning down. “You get your mom to drop the charges against JJ and I’ll make sure he doesn’t come after you for what you just pulled.”

“You think I’m scared of him!” He yells out, choking a bit when your foot slips against his movement.

“I know that you are. And after he finds out it was you that did this to me, it’ll be a whole other type of anger from him.” you whisper, shoving against his throat again. “Drop the charges and I’ll keep him away from you, for this.”

Topper gasps and starts to grab at your ankle but you don’t move it and you won’t move it until he agrees. It only takes a few seconds before he caves, “Okay! Okay, I’ll do it!”

“Good,” you smile, pulling back a little and a gasping breath echoes loudly between the two of you. “Do it now.”

Topper groans and tries to fight you once again, punching at your thigh this time around and it makes you stumble back but not enough because you slam your foot down on his chest, knocking the wind out of him. “Do it now.”

He lets out a breath and fumbles around in his pocket before his phone is presented and he puts it to his ear. “On speaker.”

Once Topper hangs up the phone, after spitting out some bullshit excuse, his mom agrees. She sounds reluctant but she agrees nonetheless. Topper punches you in the thigh once again, this time harder, losing your balance and hitting the ground once more. He kicks at you, foot coming in contact with your lower back after you turned away from him.

“You won’t ever do that to me again, you hear me?” Topper yells, standing up above you.

You laugh and turn over onto your back, “What? Your ego hurt after being held down by a girl.” His face turns red and you can tell he’s trying his hardest not to kick you again. It just makes you laugh more as you stand up to your full height once more. “Don’t let the charges being dropped fall through. If they do? I won’t have any control over what happens.”

You start to walk away and another laugh escapes when you hear Topper, from behind you, let out a frustrated scream before his car door slams and he speeds away. He’s too easy. Messing with him is one of your favorite things to do, even if it ends up with you limping a bit and blood trickling down your leg.

When you reach your destination, The Chateau as always, you’re relieved to only see Kie at the dock you’re all supposed to be meeting at. You initially thought you’d be the last one to show up, your run in with Topper added at least 20 extra minutes to your journey, but you’re glad it doesn’t seem that way. Kie looks up when a branch snaps under your foot and you can see a smile outlining her face when she spots you but it quickly turns into a frown when she sees the state you’re in.

“What the hell happened to you?” she screeches, meeting you halfway.

You look around the property, in search of a certain blonde boy because you absolutely had no idea how you were going to explain this to him. JJ was absolutely going to lose it once he saw you and he absolutely isn’t going to let it go until he knows the truth. You thought about lying to him but he knows you better than he knows himself and he’d see through the lie before it would even have a chance to leave your mouth.

“Where are the guys? I thought I’d be late.”

Kie gives you an unimpressed look at your obvious avoidance of the subject, “I don’t know, something about Figure 8 and Sarah Cameron. That’s all I heard on the phone call.”

You nod, not really caring where they are in the slightest, “Cool. Now will you help me clean up a bit. It doesn’t feel as bad as it looks, I promise.”

She runs her eyes down your whole body before meeting your eyes, “That’s a lie. Do you not feel the blood actively running down your leg?”

Looking down, your eyes widen at just how much blood is covering your leg. “Shit,” you mutter, pressing a palm to your forehead.

“What happened?”

“I ran into Topper,” you sigh, the adrenaline quickly leaving your body now that you’re standing still.

Kiara gasps loudly, “By yourself!”

“Yes,” you groan, not really seeing the big deal. “He looks worse.”

Kie looks like she doesn’t believe you and she’s clearly about to question you when the van pulls up and JJ loudly gets out, yelling out to you both, “Yo, guys, someone beat the shit out of Topper and it wasn’t even us!”

He clearly hasn’t taken in the sight of you yet but you turn your attention back to Kie and you can’t help but smirk at the shocked expression on her face. “JJ’s going to lose his shit in about 2 seconds.”

And just as Kiara closes her mouth, JJ’s voice nearly echoes through the trees, “What in the fuck!” You wince at his tone and just how loud it is.

He was still behind you, you purposely kept your eyes locked on Kiara so you don’t have to face him just yet. But that’s clearly not going to stand because JJ steps in front of you, effectively pushing Kie out of the way. “Who did this?”

“I fell?” You raise your voice as if asking a question, scrunching your face up into your shoulders. The deadpan look on your boyfriend's face makes you let out a sigh and drop your shoulders. “I’d like to say for you to see the other guy but you already have.”

Pope’s voice cuts in before JJ even has a chance to process your words, “You did that to Topper!” He sounds impressed and a big smile pulls at your lips as you turn your head to look at him.

“Holy shit,” John B exhales staring at you in complete awe. “He was fucked up.”

A laugh bubbles past your lips and your cheeks heat up at the attention you’re receiving. The admiration on the two boys' faces almost makes you forget about the other boy in your presence. The one that’s been awfully quiet. You turn back to him and the look on his face makes you frown. His pupils are blown and his jaw is clenched so tight you’re positive his teeth hurt. His focus is dead set on the base of your throat.

Waving your hand in front of his face, you snap your fingers as well, trying to bring him back to you, “Earth to JJ. Come back to me.”

“Topper did this to you?” he asks and when you nod, something flashes in his eyes so quick you find yourself trying to chase it. Figure out what’s going through his head. “I’m going to kill him.”

You’re stunned at the way his voice sounds, deep and raspy, filled with so much hatred. You’re almost positive his voice has never been so low before and it sends chills down your spine. You blink at him but when you open your eyes he’s not in front of you anymore. He’s only a few steps away but you can’t really move as the pain in your leg finally settled in.

“JJ,” you cry out, half out of pain and half to get his attention. “Don’t do anything! Come back here.”

You swivel in your spot and watch him as he continues to stomp into the house. A few things crash around before he comes back out, shoving what you assume is the gun into the back of his pants. “JB, give me the keys.”

“No, don’t give them to him!” You yell out. You need to get his attention.

“What are you thinking? Do you really think I’m just going to sit here and do nothing when that piece of shit put his hands on you?” JJ shouts, standing a few feet away from you now.

Pope comes up behind JJ and puts both hands to his shoulder, “Calm down, man,” he says but JJ roughly shrugs his shoulder and pushes Pope off of him. He puts his hands up in surrender but stays close. “You can’t just go pull a gun out on him and kill him.” He reasons.

“Oh yeah?” He challenges. “Watch me.”

“JJ, stop it,” Kie cries out now.

“Yeah man, you saw what Topper looked like. You should be happy that she’s the one who did it.” John B points out, gesturing to you and JJ follows the movement of his hand and he looks to you again.

He looks at you with his brows furrowed, a storm swirling around in his eyes as he stares you down. The eye contact isn’t something you normally back down from but the intensity in his eyes right now throws you off. It feels like you’re being chastised. You know he’s trying to figure out why you fought Topper. He knows that you don’t just out right fight someone, even if they start it first. He knows that the only time you ever fight is in self defense or to defend someone you care about.

“What did you do?” JJ asks because he knows you did this for a reason. Something more than just for yourself because you don’t personally care for Topper, you’d never give him the time of day and that includes fighting him. “Why’d you fight him?”

“Well,” you shrug, looking down to your feet. Your leg was still bleeding. You should probably do something about that. “He made me mad.”

JJ scoffs, “Your temper is not as bad as mine. There’s more to it. Tell me, now, or I will go kill him.”

You hesitate some more, fixated on your feet and the way they look in your boots. They’re a bit scuffed but they still look good. You focus on that and not the four sets of eyes burning into your frame. Telling them, telling JJ why you fought would result in JJ feeling like shit. You really don’t want him to feel like shit because you did what you did to help him. But he’ll feel like shit because you got hurt and you got hurt on his behalf. There’s nothing he hates more than someone standing up for him and getting hurt because of it.

“Today, please.” JJ snaps and you look up at him to see the anger plastered on his face.

“I was walking here when he pulled up beside me. He wanted to taunt me about Pope being in jail for the whole boat thing and I told him that it was you that took the blame for it. He tried arguing with me but when I started to walk away he grabbed me,” you take a breath when you see JJ step forward like he’s ready to protect you from the words you’re about to say. “And well, when I was challenging him to hit me he kissed me but I -“

“He did what now?” JJ cuts in, his voice so deep and slow your eyes widen at him. Kiara and Pope’s jaw drops at the same time and John B looks taken aback at the way his best friend sounds. Never have they ever heard him sound so angry. You’ve never even heard him so angry before.

Everyone, but you and JJ, glances at each other in confusion but you don’t even dare to look away from JJ. They don’t know what’s going on or why JJ would get so mad at the idea of someone else kissing you. Kiara had a suspicion long ago that the two of you were dating but you shot it down even though she was right. That was almost a year ago and as far as you know they don’t know you’re actually together. At this point you’re not too sure why they don’t even know or why you haven’t told them but you have a feeling they’re about to be real surprised here soon. The look in JJ’s eyes is possessive, it’s down right a claim that you’re his and no one has the right to kiss you.

“Let me finish,” you put a hand up. “I kicked him, shoved him down to the ground, punched him, then held him by the throat with my foot-“

“My god,” John B breathes out, once again looking in awe. Pope just nods in agreement, almost in a daze. Kiara, well she just looks impressed.

“While I slightly choked him with my foot,” you pause for a second, preparing yourself for the worst reaction from JJ, “I got him to drop the charges on the boat.”

It goes deathly quiet for a few moments before three voices come at you all at one, “What?”

You ignore them, still looking at JJ, “By the end of the day your name should be cleared. You won’t be held responsible for the boat anymore.”

JJ doesn’t say anything, he just continues to stare but you watch him carefully. His breaths are deep and calculated, his jaw is clenching and unclenching, his fists loosen and he rests his palms against his thighs. You can practically see the wheels inside his brain working through the information, processing the fact that you did this for him. He’s not used to someone caring for him this way, no matter how long you’ve been there for him, he’s still not used to the love you have for him. He went so long without it, it takes him a while to process it.

But you see the moment it finally settles in his brain, the second that he fully processed the information you’d given him. His chest stutters briefly and you know the tears are going to come next. He breathes in a long breath, and holds it in his lungs before it rushes out through his nose. He’s trying to keep up his tough front, but he’s failing. His eyes finally soften and they go back to the normal light they usually are.

Then, in the blink of an eye he’s in front of you. His hands cradle your face before his body collides with yours, hard, and his lips are on yours. The kiss is hard, it’s possessive, passionate, sincere but hasty, fervent, needy, desperate. It’s overwhelming and so full of emotion that it takes you a second to respond but when you do, JJ sighs into it and pulls you impossibly closer. One hand moves to your lower back and the other one stays on your jaw where his thumb pushes against your face to open your mouth even more. He is absolutely, unquestionably claiming you right here, right now. Not that you need to be claimed but you don’t mind. You’ve never felt so alive before.

The love JJ is conveying through this kiss is everything you’ve ever needed and you reciprocate the best that you can. You want him to know that you’re his and he’s yours. Just how it should be.

JJ whines when you pull away and he chases after you but you need to breathe, “Jesus, J.”

“I’ll say,” Kiara agrees, a little out of breath herself at what she just witnessed. Two seventeen year olds should not know how to share such a passionate looking kiss.

“I didn’t know friends kiss like that,” John B jokes, nudging Pope when he laughs.

“That’s because they don’t.” he continues laughing.

JJ ignores everything they say, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I did.” You shrug, shifting on your feet and wincing at the pain that shoots through your leg and JJ notices that. “But like can we go get me cleaned up or something, I need to sit down.”

“Yeah,” JJ nods hastily, “you guys go ahead and go out without us,” he looks at the other three, that still look like they’re in complete shock, and doesn’t wait for their response before he looks back to you, “can you walk?”

You nod but he doesn’t listen. JJ swiftly throws you over his shoulder and starts walking towards the house. “I love you, you know,” he says once he’s far enough away from everyone.

“I know.”

-

-

It’s the next day when you and JJ make an appearance after staying inside all day the day before. Once you had showered and iced down the parts of your body that hurt, you fell asleep and stayed asleep until it was dark. The adrenaline in your system was completely gone and you were in a lot of pain so sleep came naturally.

You met John B, Pope, Kie, and even Sarah, at the beach. It was around 11am when you and JJ walked up to them as they were sitting there in the sand. As you approached, they went quiet and watched as JJ helped you sit, hand you a bottle of water before sitting down behind you. His legs press against yours on either side of your body and his hands rest on top of your thighs. You can feel four sets of eyes on you and you give it about 3 more seconds before someone breaks the quiet.

“How are you feeling?” Kie is the one to break it. You glance at her and give her a smile, one that she returns.

“Sore but I’ll be fine.”

John B laughs a bit of a disbelieving laugh, “What you explained yesterday was pretty badass.”

“Hell yeah it was,” Pope excitedly cuts in. “I should say thank you, as well.”

You just shrug, “I would’ve done it for any of you.”

“Did Topper really do that to you?” Sarah questions you, quizzically looking you up and down. Your face bruised and so did your leg. The scratches down your leg are scabbed and also bruised.

The hands on your thighs tighten and dig into the skin there. You gently place your hands on his, soothing the anger that still sits there. He calmed down yesterday, barely, but he did enough to listen to what happened when you explained it again. Adding in the details you knew would calm him down. He tried to argue with you a few times but you finally got through to him, made him accept the fact that you did what you did and there’s no turning back now.

“What a dick. I can’t believe I dated him,” Sarah continues when you nod at her.

As everyone laughs and starts to pick on Sarah for her choices, you shift your upper body enough to twist around and look at JJ. His eyes are dark and his jaw is clenched tight, pushing out the muscles in his neck. You let out a sigh and bring a hand up to his cheek, soothing your fingers over his jaw to get him to unclench. He’s angry, that much you can tell, but he’s trying his best to keep a wraps on it. It’s been very difficult to keep him steady. Every time he looks at you, he tenses and his breathing gets all deep. It’ll be like that for a few days.

“JJ, calm down,” you whisper to him. The fingers digging into your thighs tighten some more before he relaxes, his eyes meeting yours and the dark anger in them fizzling away slowly. “Hey, there you are.”

“I still can’t believe you won’t let me go kick his ass,” JJ scoffs, moving to lean back on his hands. The movement makes you sway a little, having not realized how much you were relying on him to keep you upright. “I just want to kick his ass.”

He always wants to kick his ass but you know the underlying anger in him would take it further than that and that’s not something you want. Also, “If you kick his ass the charges will come back,” you remind him.

JJ closes his eyes and takes a breath. You move around between his legs and sit sideways, your legs bent over one of his now so you don’t have to be so twisted to look at him. Your back hurts a bit too much for that. He pulls up the leg that’s against your back and presses it into you, giving you something to lean on. You place a hand on his thigh, up by his hip, and lean into him a bit, “I’m sure you’ll get the chance to kick his ass again but just not for this, okay? I hit him just as much as he hit me.”

That brings a smirk to his face, “You know, I wouldn’t mind seeing you choke someone out with those boots you wear. I’m a bit mad I missed it, I’m sure it was hot as fuck.”

And that catches the attention of everyone else and you turn your head when John B speaks up, “Fuck, I was thinking the same thing,” he laughs and laughs even harder when Sarah gasps. “I’m just saying.”

“Actually,” Kie shrugs, “I wouldn’t mind picking a fight with Topper just to see that.”

You let out a loud laugh, your head thrown back at the sheer force in which it comes out, “Can we wait a few days maybe, I hurt.”

JJ immediately brings a hand up to soothe over your leg. It does look bad and honestly it does hurt as bad as it looks. It only takes a few seconds for his other hand to brush over the nasty looking bruise on your back too. Four sets of eyes track the movements, “Does it hurt that bad?”

“Yeah, actually. The cuts sting the worst and the sun makes them feel like they’re burning.” Your answer makes JJ frown. His eyes flicker with anger once more, “Stay calm,” you state a bit forcefully.

You can tell that the group wants to question the movements between you and JJ. The kiss you shared in front of them yesterday was anything but the friendly kisses that you share with the group most days and it’s been on the forefront of their brains ever since. Sarah is the only one that doesn’t track the movements for more than what they are, she didn’t see the kiss and the closeness is no different than what it usually is for the both of you.

The good thing about being with JJ is that nothing really changed between the two of you when you started dating. As kids, you were alway closer than with anyone else. JJ trusted you, protected you, cared deeply for you from the beginning. The touchiness started when you were 15, feelings between you a little too strong to ignore so you went from the friendly hugs and touches to a bit more. Hands would rest in more intimate places, no longer would they rest on knees but now on thighs. No longer on the waist but more on the curve of hips or high up on the rib cage near the chest. Everything was taken in stride, the older everyone got the more common it was and no one questioned a thing about it. It was mostly friendly, being so used to being near JJ for years that the change in touches barely registered in your head, it was all normal.

It changed almost a year ago. The feelings you held for JJ getting to be too much to control, you felt they were getting more and more noticeable every day. JJ was getting closer and closer, lingering longer than usual, snapping quicker when someone offended you, acting a bit more possessive and it was a lot to process. One night, after a particularly large fight with the Kooks, you and JJ were alone on the hammock outside The Chateau when he kissed you. It was a real kiss, one with emotion and fervor, not just a friendly peck that you’d gotten so used to sharing.

You guys have been dating ever since. Keeping it to yourself. You share everything else with the group, nothing was ever private but this was something you wanted to yourselves. To enjoy with no pressure. It was only supposed to be that way for a few months, while you got used to the change in relationship, but you got so comfortable with the way you guys got to have each other in private, you just never mentioned it.

But with how deeply you loved each other, it was obviously getting harder to hide. Not that it’s really that important.

“I’m cal-“

“Are you guy-“

“What the fuck!”

JJ, Pope, and Sarah all speak at the same time but everyone focuses on Sarah’s distressed, ‘what the fuck,’ and looks to her. Everyone then follows her line of sight and what’s caught her attention. JJ immediately tenses and he sits back, ready to jump up. You tense yourself, pushing harder into your hold on him.

“Rafe, what the fuck are you doing here?” Sarah screeches standing up. John B follows her. Kie and Pope stand too, standing more in front of you and JJ.

“Let me go,” JJ whispers, his voice coming out harsh, especially when Topper pops up from behind Rafe.

“No.”

JJ huffs, an annoyed sigh heaving through his nose. His vision is locked on the two boys approaching your group. “We just wanted to check up on our favorite people,” Rafe jokes, the sarcasm rolling off of him in waves. You move completely around in front of JJ when you feel his body start to shake a bit at his continued words, “Especially the one who beat up my boy here.”

Wrapping your legs around JJ’s waist, you pull him closer to you before grasping his face in your hands. “Hey baby, how are you today?” you question, whispering to not gain the attention of everyone else. Pope and Kie are doing a decent job of keeping you hidden but JJ’s eyes are still locked on where Rafe and Topper are standing.

“Which one of you did it? He won’t tell me and I’d like to have a word.”

A twitch goes through JJ’s body, like he’s about to get up but you hold him tighter. Stroking your fingers through his hair, you tug on it a bit to get his attention. It works. “It’s okay.”

“None of you look like you got your asses handed to them, so I ask again. Who did it?” Rafe hums, clicking his tongue as you assume he looks around at everyone. You know that you and JJ aren’t completely covered and he’s bound to finally see you two.

“Rafe, just leave.” Sarah intervenes.

“Oh, Daddy’s little princess, I don’t think so. Not until someone steps up. I might even hang out with you today. I think it would be fun.”

“No, leave them alone. You come for them enough without reason. Go home!” Her voice is stern but Rafe is off the walls, you highly doubt he’ll listen. “Topper deserved what happened to him anyway.”

“Ah,” Rafe lets out, “So you know who did it? You think she’ll own up to it any time soon, I’m tired.”

You wince when JJ roughly grabs you and shoves you away from him. The movement makes you tumble into the back of Kie’s legs and she helps you up as JJ pushes to the front of the group, in the blink of an eye. You let out a groan as you get steady on your feet, your back burning with pain.

John B slaps a hand down on JJ’s shoulder as he steps in front of him, to keep him from attacking. You let out a sigh and shake your head as JJ puffs out his chest, making himself seem bigger. “Why don’t you leave her out of this,” his tone is menacing.

“Oh! You know who did it too?” Rafe exclaims, feigning ignorance.

“Rafe, I told you it’s not a big deal. Let’s go.” Topper interjects.

“No, man.  Look at the bruise on your neck. Someone just doesn’t get away with that. Even if they’re a girl,” Rafe finishes, looking directly at you. You stare back, unimpressed, arms crossed over your chest.

JJ lunges for Rafe, “Keep her out of it!”

Rafe laughs as John B and Pope hold JJ back, “But it’s her fault!”

“Not when he’s all over her first! Come on, Top, be a big man and admit it was your fault!” JJ taunts, struggling against the hold JB and Pope have on him.

You sigh once more before stepping out of Kie’s grip, she squeezes you for a second but let’s you go when you keep walking. Stepping in between JJ and Rafe, your chest brushes his, and you challenge him. You want to protect JJ in this moment because you know if a fight was to break out, JJ wouldn’t have it fair because looking past Rafe’s shoulder you spot the rest of their little gang.

“Get out of the way,” JJ yells, placing a hand to your waist. His fingers squeeze into your side but you don’t back down.

“No, JJ!” you yell back, “this is something you can’t fight over. I told you that!”

JJ presses his chest to your back, trying to get as close as possible to the situation but you push back. “Damn it, let me do something!”

You ignore him, turning to Rafe who has a smug expression on his face from the exchange, “Leave. This has nothing to do with you!”

Sarah steps you beside you and shoves at her brother, making him stumble. “Go home.”

“Sarah, this has nothing to do with you.”

You take a step forward, “And it doesn’t with you, either. I’d leave before you end up like your buddy.” Your temper is rising very quickly. The continuous smug look on his face from not listening to you or his own sister making your skin crawl. Your blood is hot and you can feel yourself vibrating in JJ’s hold, the taunting of his words and the way he speaks them as if he’s demeaning you.

“Like you co-“ you don’t even let him finish before you’re throwing a punch across his face, hard. He falls to the ground with the force of it and you’re about to lurch forward to continue throwing punches but arms wrap around your waist and pull you back. Your legs kick up in the air as you fight against the hold, “You bitch!”

Sarah jumps in between you and her brother, knowing he wouldn’t hit her. “Rafe, leave,” but he just shoved her aside and tried to get to you. You’re still fighting in JJ’s hold, yelling at him to let you go but he just continues to pull you away. Topper jumps in to keep Rafe back, desperately trying to get him to listen. For once Topper is doing something smart.

“Let me fight him!” You scream, tired of him and all his friends constantly looking down at you like you’re no more than a piece of garbage on the ground. It’s tiring, frustrating, and you’re absolutely sick of it. You’re tired of having to constantly be on alert, wondering if you’re going to get attacked again just because you’re hanging out somewhere or walking down the street. “Let me go!”

“No!” JJ yells back, “if you won’t let me fight, you’re not going to either!”

“I’m not letting you fight because I don’t want you in jail, asshole!” You’re still struggling against him but his hold is too tight and you’re losing air. “I’m just trying to protect you, god damn it, let me do something for you!”

In your fit of rage you don’t even notice that JJ has dragged you both a few feet away from everyone else until he’s in front of you, hands grasping at your face, “Hey hey hey, will you calm down? Breathe, calm down, baby.”

“JJ, let me go!” You exclaim, still trying to pull away from his grasp. It bothers the bruise on your face but you ignore it. You just want to fight, to attack anything that puts JJ in danger. You’re not too sure where this sudden wave of protectiveness came from, granted you always want to protect him, but it’s a really strong urge these past few days.

“No, calm down. I’m not letting you go until you’re breathing properly again.” JJ argues. He soothes his thumbs over your cheeks but you’re barely registering them there. Your mind is still reeling, wanting to do anything to fight, to keep JJ safe and with you. “What is going on with you? Why do you want to fight so bad? You’re not one to fight.”

The questions seem to drain the fight right out of you, the adrenaline running through your system leaving your body in a single breath. It makes you sag against JJ, his hands on your cheeks the main thing keeping you up. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, dig a little. I need an answer so we can work on moving forward.” JJ throws your own words back at you. You smile a little at him, happy that he’s grasping onto the tactics you use to get him to open up about what he’s going through. JJ notices you smile and chuckles, “Yeah, yeah I listen to you after all.”

That makes you full on laugh, your whole body shaking as the laugh rips through you. Reaching up, you rest a hand to his cheek, “You’re so stubborn, I’m a bit surprised.” He leans into your touch a bit, eyes closing as he takes in a deep breath. Your laughter dies down and you just smile at him. “The idea of you not being with me, scares me.”

JJ frowns and steps closer, as if either of you would disappear if he wasn’t close enough. “I just-“ you breathe out when he places your free hand on his ribs, your place of comfort, your grounding place. “I just want to do something for you. I want you to be safe. I want to protect you.”

“Have you not realized that’s what you’ve been doing for me since we were like 9?” JJ laughs, shaking his head. “Baby, you’ve been the one protecting me for years. How many times have you taken the blame for something when you weren’t even there? How many times have you hid me in your closet so your parents don’t find out I’ve sneaked in after a particularly bad day with my dad? How many times have you patched me up and held me when things got too bad? It’s too many to count. You do things for me every day. You smiling at me, holding my hand, sitting beside me, sharing food with me, looking at me, hell just being in the same room as me; gets me through any day.”

The four others stare on in a bit of a daze. Rafe and his followers long gone so their attention has been solely on the two of you. But there’s no way either of you could’ve known. Emotions are running high between you and JJ that there’s no way you’d pay attention to anything other than him until you knew his mind was steady. You knew JJ was going through the same thing.

“Are they like.... together?” Sarah questions, to no one in particular. She always just assumed the two of you were just closer. That your friendship was just that, a friendship. She’s noticed that the entire group of Pogues were close and touchy, but it was always a bit more between the two of you.

“Yeah,” Pope answers.

Sarah gasps, “Why didn’t I know!”

“Because we don’t even know,” John B answers.

“What do you mean?” Sarah’s brows furrow. That has got to be one of the most confusing things she’s ever been told. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“They haven’t told us,” Kie shrugs, “But, I mean, it’s obvious. I figured it out like six months ago maybe?”

“Really?” Pope, raises an eyebrow. “I figured it out like 3 months ago.”

“Mmm,” John B hums, “I’m pretty sure I witnessed their first official kiss. You know how she kisses all of us?” he asks, looking around to the others. Kie and Pope nod while Sarah just watches on. “Well, one night, like last year some time. I saw them kiss and it wasn’t like the ones she gives all of us. Their dynamic changed the next day.”

Sarah looks around completely baffled. She feels like she should’ve known, should’ve realized but she just assumed because no one acted like you two were dating. But she didn’t grow up with you all, she hasn’t seen how the two of you dating wouldn’t be a shock. And the newfound information still doesn’t stop Sarah from letting out a gasp when you surge forward to kiss JJ.

The kiss is like the one you shared yesterday but this time it’s you pouring everything you’ve got into it. Pouring in every ounce of love your body has to offer. It’s deep and warm and all things good. It’s needy and greedy, needing to have his attention and wanting to take it all. He reciprocates with just as much fervor, hastily kissing back like his life depended on it. His hands are tight on your waist as he pulls you impossibly closer, always closer, and your arms wrap around his neck. Hands shoved in his hair, you kiss him with unrelenting fury. It’s a kiss that could easily turn into something more if you weren’t in public so you try to tone it down but JJ is having none of that. He just wraps both arms around your back and holds you to him when you try to pull away.

You step back though, breathing heavily against JJ’s lips. Your breaths mix with his and your lips desperately brush as you both just breathe, trying to come back to earth. You place a quick kiss to his lips and one to his nose, “I love you, you know.”

“I know,” he responds with a quick kiss to your lips and your nose.

-

-

The van is entirely too tense for your liking. The atmosphere is so thick, it makes it feel like you can’t breathe. John B is yelling profusely at JJ as he drives, like he’s part of a car chase, through the back roads of The Cut to get to where his brain has focused on.

It was a pretty normal day up until about 26 minutes ago.

You were the last one to be picked up for the day, JJ greeting you at the sliding door of the van with a quick hello kiss to your lips before grabbing your hand and helping you in. Kisses got placed on everyone, even Sarah -who was pleasantly surprised, because even if she won’t admit it, she was upset to find out that you’ve kissed everyone but her- before sitting down on the floor in front of the bench. JJ sat behind you and you wrapped your arms around his legs. All of you were going to head out to the boat, spend the day on the water and soak up some sun. Just hang out like teenagers are supposed to do.

That was until a supposed cop car pulled up behind the van out of nowhere and ordered for you to pull over. John B does as told but in the blink of an eye, there’s a shot gun being aimed in his face and orders are being thrown for everyone to get out. Orders thrown for us to lay down flat in the ditch.

Something about knowing Rafe and how he’s going after people to collect money he owes. JJ was constantly telling him that you’re all a bunch of Pogues, that he won’t find anything but of course he found the cash you keep in your backpack, along with the weed you hold for JJ. There were a few other things he found that he deemed good enough to steal but you didn’t get enough of a look to see what he found. It’s like he noticed every time one of you moved because he’d be quick to aim the gun at any of you who moved and threaten to shoot.

Which is why it was so surprising when JB was able to get into the car without the guy noticing. After that, it was amazing how fast the guy ended up on the ground, wheezing and groaning in pain.

“Oh, I know this guy! He sells coke to my dad!” JJ yelled before he kicked him in the stomach.

“No wonder he was talking about Rafe.” Sarah interjected, scoffing in disbelief.

JJ punched the guy across the face once more before reaching into his pocket and taking the guys wallet. “We have one more stop to make!” he laughs menacingly.

So, that leads you up to where you are now. Pacing the front lawn of a run down drug house. Crashes are coming from inside, along with the yells and screams from JJ and John B. Every time something hits the ground, you startle, completely on edge by the whole situation. JJ has damn near lost his mind, his eyes too wide and too unfocused. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he did a line of coke for breakfast this morning.

Deep down, you know this behavior is only fueled by the way he’s been treated his whole life. That he’s reached his limit at how much he can actually take. That he’s fed up with his life and what he feels like he’s worth. He’s snapped, something you’ve been trying to prevent for years, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You’re not scared of him, you know that you’d be able to calm him down but you know there’d be a fight before that happened. A fight you don’t want to go through. It’s only been four days since your fight with Topper and you’re still exhausted from it. You’re not ready to handle a fight with JJ.

“God, they sound like they’re killing each other in there,” Kie groans, pacing just as much as you. She looks worried.

Pope stands completely still, an anxious look on his face as he stares at the front door of the house. It looks like he believes he’ll summon them out with just his gaze in the door.

And Sarah, well, she just looks out of place.

You continue to pace, anxiously waiting, not daring to look at the door. You don’t want to know what’s going on. You wish you couldn’t hear what was going on either. You honestly feel like you’re going to wear a path down in the dead grass with all your back and forth.

“Now!” you jump at the sudden voice before the screen door to the house slams open. JJ steps out with a wad of cash in his hands. “We can all have, let’s see-“ he pauses for a second as he sorts through the stack, “5 grand each!”

John B looks aggravated, like he’s talking to a child that keeps asking ‘why’ for absolutely no reason, as he follows closely behind JJ.

“What are we doing! Stealing from drug dealers now?” Kiara exclaims.

JJ stares at her, throwing his arms around. “Aren’t you guys tired of this? We got a gun! A gun pulled on us today. We were robbed! Us!” JJ exclaims, face red. “I don’t know about you but I’m tired! I’m tired of being treated like absolute shit just because of where we live!”

You stare on in complete shock. JJ’s lips are parted and his eyes are wide, breathing ragged. This is a whole other type of anger that you’ve never seen out of JJ before. You’re not too sure how to handle this.

“Relax, JJ,” John B continues after him, his anger showing through as well. He starts pushing up against JJ, getting in his face.

“How’d you feel, huh? That shit was right there in your face,” JJ argues back.

“I’m putting it back,” John B moves to snatch the bag JJ has in his grasp and that leads to JJ shoving JB up against the van, hard. The impact of it echoes around the small area you’re in.

“You feel like a tough guy, huh?” John B snaps, not even trying to fight against the hold JJ has on him. He knows that JJ would never lay a hand on him, no matter how mad he got. “What will you do when he comes for us?”

“We punch him, in the throat,” JJ retorts, his voice coming out low and threatening. It does fit with JJ, he shouldn’t be capable of getting his voice to sound like that.

JB scoffs, “Oh, good fuckin’ idea, JJ.”

JJ steps back, a relieving sigh coming from you as he does, “I’m not putting it back,” he mutters and shoves past JB and gets into the van. From your vantage point, you can’t see him inside. You’re still so shocked to the spot, you can’t move. It’s only a few seconds of everyone just standing around before he gets back out. “What!?” he snaps.

“We’re sick of your shit.”

That seems to get you to snap out of whatever trance you’re in. You finally look away from JJ and look at everyone else. The worried look on Pope’s face, at his best friend's obvious breakdown. The indifference Sarah radiates because she doesn’t know JJ enough to feel any other way. The anger in John B’s stance as he looks at his best friend and the recklessness he’s showing. The disbelief on Kiara’s face as she looks at JJ like she’s never seen him before, “Yeah, you’re pulling guns out on people shit.”

“JJ come on man, put it back,” Pope tries to reason but JJ just snaps.

“Pope, come on! I took the fall for you, I owed 30k in restitution. The charges may drop but they can still sue me for that money. Might as well be ahead of the game!”

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” Pope exclaims.

“Yeah, well I did. Sorry for caring.” JJ mutters, looking around to everyone. He misses your frame, like he forgot you were even with them. “You know what? I’m just going to go by myself.”

All you do is watch as JJ starts to walk away, his head is down and you can see the hurt in his face as he walks by.  The mask he holds up every day, faltering as soon as he can’t be seen anymore. He meets your eye and the wild anger that was there seconds ago is gone, all that’s left is watery eyes and disappointment. You take a step towards him, to give him the comfort he needs to get through this but he just shakes his head and keeps walking.

“JJ!” Pope hell’s out but it falls on deaf ears, JJ continuing his trek out of the area.

“Just let him go.” JB sighs, “let him do his thing.”

It’s quiet, so quiet you can hear the wind in the trees rustling each leaf, as JJ walks out of sight. It doesn’t take long for the last few minutes to settle into your brain and leave your blood running hot. When you turn away from where JJ had gone, you see everyone looking to you for some sort of guidance. They know you’re the only one that can successfully bring JJ back to earth, back to the present and out of his head. It’s been that way for years now. They just look at you helplessly, like you have all the answers. And you don’t.

It makes you angrier. It angers you that JJ did this. That he snapped and decided it would be a good idea to rob someone, a drug dealer at that. You would’ve much rather dealt with him getting into another fight with someone over having to deal with stolen money.

And it makes you angry that his best friends are apparently sick of him. It doesn’t sit right with you in the slightest.

“I can believe you guys,” you shake your head at them.

John B looks taken aback by your words, “Us!?”

“You can’t sit here and tell us you support him for what he just did!” Kie yells at you, stepping forward.

“Of course not!” You shake your head, “but I’m not going to sit here and shit on someone who is already down. JJ doesn’t deserve you guys to be talking to him like that, like you’re sick of him. That boy does everything he can to get things right with you guys. You mean so much to him and you’re just going to shit on him for it?”

“He’s robbing drug dealers, y/n.” Pope tries to reason but you just shake your head at him.

“One that just threatened to kill, each and every one of you.” You argue back, “Yes, stealing probably wasn’t the best thing he could’ve done and I’ll try and get it back so we don’t get into anymore fucking trouble. But, for you guys to turn on him the second he does something you don’t agree with is a bit fucked.”

You step towards them again, not realizing you were so far away from the group to begin with, “Pope, I know you didn’t ask him to, but he just took the fall for you so you wouldn’t lose your scholarship opportunity. He told me it’s because he’s not worth more than jail time, that you have so much more to look forward to than him.”

“Kie, who was the first person to accept you back into the group after you wanted to experience life as a kook? It was JJ. He sat there multiple nights, telling us that you haven’t changed, that you’d still be the same Kiara you were before. The one that’s understanding and supportive of everyone’s reckless behavior.”

“And John B,” you frown, “JJ was the one that was there for you when your dad went missing. He held you through the nights, made you eat and drink water. Did everything in his power to bring you out of your pain, while he was going through his own set of pain. He made sure you didn’t lose yourself when you lost your dad.”

“And for me? He’s been there for me through so much shit, quick to smile just so I would smile back. He could be in so much physical and emotional pain but he’s the first person to smile. The first person to crack a joke. The first person to offer comfort just because he doesn’t want people to feel what he feels from someone who is supposed to care for him. He may act like a jackass or someone who is tough and happy but he’s not. He’s really not.”

“You guys don’t see the way that mask falls off as soon as he’s alone. You don’t see how he beats himself up over the tiny details of his life. How he views himself as nothing more than a piece of trash for not being able to stand up to his dad. How he thinks he’s going to end up just like him. He’s scared, terrified of losing us. It’s why he’s so quick to fight, to protect, to make sure we’re happy. We’re literally the only thing, the only good thing, he has in his life. And you hurt him today.”

You hang your head after your rant, the weight of your words leaving you feeling empty after having said them. Your shoulders ache a bit but it’s still quiet. “I know, none of us agree with the stealing of the money. It was stupid and dangerous. But you didn’t have to tell him that you’re tired of him. You could’ve let Pope follow him like he wanted, to show him that he’s not alone.”

“Well, you didn’t follow him either.” Sarah steps in.

“He told me not to. I respect him for that. He knows what he did was a bit much. He wants to calm down, he was just mad that we all could’ve just died.” You shrug, looking around to everyone. They all look a bit guilty, realizing what it is that they just insinuated to their best friend.

“We didn’t mean it in a bad way,” John B says, running his hands through his hair like he’s stressed. And he is.

“Yeah, but do you think he’ll take it that way?” You question, eyebrow raised.

“We just want him to calm down.”

You nod, “I get that but you could’ve gone at it another way. That’s just me though. I’m gonna go home though. Be there just in case.”

Before they have a chance to say anything you walk away, in the opposite direction of JJ because you live in opposite directions. And that sudden thought makes your heart drop at the realization that JJ might try and go home. To show his dad that he can do something right, that he can get the money to pay off his debts.

You don’t hear from JJ for the rest of the day. Just your unread message of I know, to his I love you, you know, that he sent a few minutes after he left the group in the afternoon.

-

-

You didn’t see JJ until the following night. And when you did you kinda wished you hadn’t. You wish he hadn’t gone missing for over 24 hours. You wish you’d seen him all day and that this wasn’t the first time you were seeing him. As soon as your eyes landed on him, you knew something was wrong. Something went terribly wrong.

You and Kie had been together all day, running errands and shopping, picking up things for the movie night, dinner, at the Chateau. The Pogues all decided it would be a good idea because you knew that JJ would show up and they wanted to apologize to him. Everyone was worried about him, having not been able to locate him since he’d gone off the walls. But you knew him, you knew no matter how upset he gets about his friend, he’ll always come back to them. Always.

“I’m really worried about JJ,” Kie had said at one point. The two of you were picking up his favorite candy when she said it, looking forlorn into the shopping cart.

You felt her pain, but you shrugged nonchalant anyway, not wanting to alarm her with just how worried you were. If you were overly -which you were- worried about JJ then everyone knows it’s bad, “Shit happens in friend groups, Kie.”

She looked like she was close to tears, “But we’re not a normal friend group. We’re family.”

You nodded at her and held her in the middle of the market.

Now you felt like you were the one that needed to be held.

The sight in front of you was wrong. It didn’t belong in front of you. It didn’t belong anywhere near here yet, here it was staring you right in the face. You want to close your eyes and when you open them back up, you want it to be gone but you knew that wasn’t going to happen. Your heart is lodged in your throat and it was going to stay there until you knew everything was going to be okay.

“What did you do, JJ?” Pope gasps, in absolute disbelief as the three of you come up on JJ sitting in a hot tub, surrounded by hundreds of Christmas lights.

JJ looks up and scans over you, Kie, and Pope. You can barely see his eyes over the brim of his sunglasses. Why is he wearing sunglasses at night? You’re not too sure. “Oh, good you’re here. Come on, you have to get in right now! I have a jet going in my butt!”

He’s drunk, overly so, but that doesn’t stop him from drinking the champagne in his hands, right out of the bottle. Pope just drops his jaw, “How much did all this cost?”

“Well when you look at it; the generator, petrol, lights.. I don’t know? All of it?”

“All of it!?”

“All of it.”

“You spent all that money in one day?” Pope exclaims, leaning forward in his spot. It sounds like he doesn’t believe it. Like he doesn’t even want to.

“Yeah, burned a whole right through my pocket!” JJ waves his hand flippantly like it’s not a big deal. When it is. “But I mean, like, look, come on guys look at all of this.”

His voice is too high. It’s tight and too pitched to sound normal. To sound like he’s not seconds away from snapping. It brings tears to your eyes as you watch from the sidelines. Watch as your boyfriend crumbles right before you.

“Kie, what?” JJ says, causing you to look to her. She looks pained, absolutely shattered. “I mean,” JJ laughs but it’s anything but joyful. It sounds just as pained as Kiara’s face looks. “Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?”

He waves his hands dramatically. Showing off what he’s done outside of the Chateau, desperately looking for approval. That what he did was the right thing. “All this, scrapin’,” he trails off, as he rips off the sunglasses. “Come on, guys,” he looks around again, his eyes lingering on yours a bit longer before looking to the water. “I mean, like, guys, we-“ his voice cracks and he takes a desperate breath in. You find yourself copying his breath. “You only live once, right?” His hand comes up out of the water as he limply holds up one finger. Like the movement is too much for him.

The look on JJ’s face as he makes eye contact again screams sadness. Screams validation. He wants, so desperately for you to agree with him, for all of you to agree with him. But he doesn’t realize everyone is on the verge of tears, the breakdown too much for anyone to handle. His face wobbles a bit and you can see it pinch up through the steam around him. He’s seconds away from tears.

When no one responds, he does his best to wipe away the emotions. He fails. But he shakes his head and keeps going, “Enough of this emotional shit. Come on, get in.”

“We’re not-“

JJ cuts Kie off in a second, “Come on, get in! I almost forgot! There’s a disco mode.”

Fountains of water spit out across the surface and different colored lights shine through each arch. JJ smiles triumphantly and throws his arms up in the air, leaning back against the side of the hot tub again.

“Are you kidding me!” Pope shouts and your tears fall at how fast JJ’s face paints his disappointment. “You could’ve done anything else with the money.”

“You could’ve given it to charity!” Kie interjects, sounding a bit annoyed now. JJ turns his head to the side and rubs at his eyes. His breathing is calculated and you just know he’s doing whatever he can to stop from crying.

“Better yet,” Pope exclaims, “You could’ve given it back!”

“Ok, well you know what!” JJ yells, “I didn’t-“ he stands up and the ground almost falls out from underneath you at the sight, “I didn’t do that! I got a hot tub!”

Your hands shake against your face, just as much as JJ’s voice shakes. The deep, dark, bruises littering his abdomen and ribs, glues you to the spot. You can’t do anything but gape at him. When did this happen and why hadn’t he come to you, to anyone. Where did he go when he was clearly not okay, mentally and physically. Kie and Pope just stare, clearly not knowing what to do with themselves and most likely thinking the same exact thing. JJ just keeps clambering on, like he didn’t just shake the very ground you stand on.

“For my friends! Actually no, screw friends, for my family. I got a hot tub for my family!” His voice is shaky and still too high pitched. He looks and sounds frantic as he keeps moving back and forth in the hot tub.

“JJ, what the hell?” Kie cries out, trying to interrupt him.

If he hears her, he ignores her, “Look at what I did for us! I did this for us! So we can be a family!”

“JJ,” She tries again.

“No,” JJ holds up a hand, shaking his head desperately. “No, stop. Stop being emotional. It’s fine, okay?”

The way the word okay flies out of his mouth, fast and unsteady. The quiver his lips make around the word, breaks the spell that was put on your body. You work on taking off your shoes as fast as possible. Not once looking away from JJ as he bows his head and sucks in deep breaths through his teeth.

You pull off your last sock as he starts talking again, “It’s sweet? Yeah?”

You crash into him as he cries out, “Just get in.”

Wrapping your arms around him, you pull him into you, like you have many times before, and the movement punches a sob right out of him. He leans his entire body weight onto you and just sobs. It only takes a few seconds before you feel another pair of arms. “I just couldn’t take it!” he sobs.

His body shakes against yours and he holds onto you so tight it knocks the wind out of you a bit, “I can’t take him anymore!” The sobs hit at full force, leaving him breathless. “I almost killed him.”

You hold on a bit tighter, running your hands up and down his back. You’re trying to force every ounce of comfort you have in your body into his. Feed him what he so desperately craves. “I just want to do the right thing.” he cries out, sounding so small and vulnerable it shatters your heart into pieces.

“I know,” you and Kie whisper at the same time. You’re glad she’s here. Pope comes in next, his arms wrapping around everyone. JJ lets out a sigh as three pairs of arms wrap around him before he lets out another sob. His weight being held up by the three of you. “I know.”

You’re not too sure how long you’re there, standing in the middle of the hot tub, just listening to JJ sob but you know it’s more than half an hour before John B walks up, startling everyone a bit. JJ has calmed down enough and is just being held while he sniffles every once in a while. But his sobs come back as soon as John B asks, “What the fuck is all this?”

John B looks alarmed and quickly let’s go of Sarah to climb into the hot tub, immediately wrapping the group up in his arms. Once he’s here, knowing that there’s a stronger force, you let out your cries. It hurts to see JJ in so much pain, to see him suffering so much. You want to protect him from everything. You want to go to his dad and fight him, make him hurt the way your boyfriend does. But doing that would do nothing to help JJ. If you were to get hurt on JJ’s behalf, once again, but by his dad he’d never forgive himself. And that would hurt him even more.

You want to hold the broken boy in your arms until he’s pieced back together and is never in any pain ever again. But you know that’s not possible, that’s not something that can logically happen.

But what you can do is help him get out of physical pain. Help him get comfortable and hold him until he sleeps. Hold him until he receives the love and comfort he wants and needs. And that’s something you will always do.

“We should get out,” you whisper but everyone hears you. Even Sarah, seeing as she rushes forward to start helping you guys out. After a few moments it’s only you and JJ, the rest hovering around the steps to make sure you can get him out. He clutches on a little tighter when you try to step back, “JJ, baby, come on. We’re gonna get out.”

He nods a bit, his lips brushing the skin of your neck briefly, before he pulls away. He doesn’t go very far before he rests his forehead against yours, blinking languidly at you. He looks so tired and it rips your heart to shreds. A deep breath fans out across your face and his eyes close as he pushes his forehead heavier into yours. You stroke his cheeks and place a kiss to the corner of his mouth, running a comforting hand through his hair.

“Come on, baby, let’s go.” He nods his head once more and moves away. You grab his hand and four other hands reach out to help him out. John B gets his free hand first and basically picks him up and out of the hot tub. Once he’s steady on the ground, he immediately turns back to you, watching you get out. He looks so hopeless, young, vulnerable, and seconds away from crumbling to the ground. It only takes you a few seconds to have him in your arms again and moving towards the house.

“I’ll start dinner,” Kie murmurs, nodding towards the bathroom. You smile gratefully at her and shuffle towards the bathroom while the others move into the kitchen. They give you all curious glances before they’re out of sight and you’re alone with JJ.

You sit him down on the toilet and move around to get the shower started. Getting a glass of water from the sink you shove it in his hands and make him drink it. Once he’s done, you fill it up again and give it back with some pain medicine this time. He finishes it quickly and looks up to you. His eyes are watery and red, his bottom lip trembling. You’re not much better, you caught a glance of yourself in the mirror, but you try to hold it in for him. He continues to look at you as you brush your thumbs over his cheekbones, under his eyes, and move a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his bottom lip quivering once again. You start to shake your head, shaking it the whole way down as you try to place a shaky kiss to his lips. He doesn’t kiss back. “No, stop it. I don’t deserve it. I fucked up.”

“JJ, no-“

He cuts you off with an abrupt shake to his head. “No! I did. I fucked up. I always fuck up. My anger gets to me and I’m sorry. You don’t deserve someone who is going to fly off the walls every time something goes wrong. I robbed a fucking drug dealer for fucks sake! And I didn’t even give the money to something good, I wasted it all. All of it.”

JJ let’s out a painful cry as his body deflates, his head coming to rest on your stomach. “I can't do anything right.”

“You were scared of us dying, baby, it’s a decent reason to fly off the walls,” you try to reason but he just vehemently shakes his head.

“No, you shouldn’t be with someone like me!”

“JJ, please. We went over this a few days ago!”

“And look at what all has happened since then. You fought Topper and got hurt because of it. You still have the black eye and the limp from your leg being fucked up! We almost got killed, I robbed a drug dealer, I got beat up by my dad and I almost killed him! Can’t you see how fucked up this is. You don’t need to be here with us! With me!”

You let out a choked sob as he stands up, pushing you out of the way. It's getting steamy in the bathroom, too hot, and it’s making it even harder for you to breathe. JJ looks at you with his own tears in his eyes, “I can’t keep putting you through this.”

“No!” you cry out, hiccuping at the force of it. “No, JJ! I have been with you since I was 9! Nothing has fucking changed! We’ve always loved each other, we just kiss now! You’re not going to end this just because you feel like you’re not worth it! If you weren’t worth it, I wouldn’t have stuck around as long as I have!”

Your chest is heaving and you feel like you’re on the verge of a panic attack. You need to get out of here. Shaking your head, you back up to the door, “Shower, JJ. I’ll put fresh clothes on the sink for you.”

JJ’s entire face crumbles and his shoulders slump forward as if you took every ounce of energy out of him. “I-“

“No, shower.

Stumbling out of the bathroom, arms wrap around you as soon as you’re in the hallway. They’re strong and familiar and you break down as soon as they hold you to their chest. Kie is in front of you a few moments later, cupping your face in her hands and trying anything she can to get you to focus on her. Your breathing is too harsh and your vision is spotty. The next thing you know, your legs are barely holding you up and then you’re on the ground. John B holds you to him and he tries to get you to breathe properly.

It’s all too much. The events of the last few days finally catching up to you and breaking through the surface at full force. JJ getting hurt, twice, by his dad. The Pogues almost dying. JJ stealing a large amount of money. JJ trying to end it, twice in the same week, just because he’s feeling so low. It’s all too much and you just don’t know what to do. The love you hold for JJ, for this entire group, outweighs anything in your life. There’s no way in hell you’d ever be without them. No matter what you go through with them. You choose them every day of your life. It’s never been any other way. Ever.

Kie is still in front of you, her hands still holding onto your face. Her thumbs are swiping across your face and she’s trying to say something but you’re not picking up on it. Blood is rushing through your ears and pounding around in your head. Absolutely no other noise is coming through so you just shake your head, anything to let them know you can’t hear them. Kie seems to understand and she places your hands on her chest, keeping them there. It takes you a few seconds but you realize she’s trying to get you to copy her breathing.

It works. You start to follow her. Follow her hand movements and feel her breathing under your hands. Soon, you can hear everything once more. Kie praising you, John B trying to soothe you, Pope’s voice mumbling from somewhere in the distance, Sarah talking a bunch of nonsense but calming nonsense.

“I’m okay. Everything’s fine. Just lost my breathing there for a second.” You mumble, sitting up a bit. Kie reaches out to you quickly when you sway in your spot a bit. You do feel a bit dizzy. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

“Come on, let’s get you some food and water,” John B says, hoisting you up with him as he stands. “You know JJ isn’t going anywhere. He’s not going to break up with you.”

You nod, “I know. It still panics me to hear it.”

Sarah comes up next with the food you and Kie had bought earlier in the day and a glass of water. You smile thankfully at her and sit down at the dining room table, not making any movement to eat it. John B sits down in front of you and places a hand on your knee, “Has this happened before?”

“Mm, remember that time about 5 months ago when I didn’t come around for a few days? Right after the first time JJ’s dad beat on him in months?”

Both Kie and John B nod. “JJ was unbearable to be around,” Kie groans.

An unamused chuckle falls past your lips and you shake your head, “Yeah.....” you trail off. “He told me that he wasn’t worth it. That he was too weak to be with me. That if he couldn’t even defend himself against his father then he wouldn’t be able to handle anything else, even a relationship. I told him to leave and only come back when he came to his senses. It was harsh but I needed him to realize the only thing that changed was that we kissed, now.”

“He’s scared of losing you,” John B states.

“He is,” you agree, “of all of us. He feels if he does it on his own terms, it’ll be ok. That we’ll leave if we think he’s weak. But he doesn’t always think like that, it’s only when he gets into it with his dad.”

It goes silent after that, the words sinking into everyone’s brains. You pick at your food a bit, eating a few bites as Kie puts together plates for everyone else. Sarah sits down beside John B and Kie comes to sit next to you, placing a comforting hand to your leg. Sending her a quick smile, you grab her hand and hold it to you. The conversation starts to pick up around you and you try to listen, you really do but your mind is just quiet. It’s blank to anything other than JJ.

Your heart aches at the thought of JJ being in pain. Physical or emotional pain. He does stupid things but he doesn’t deserve the things he goes through. There’s not much that he hasn’t gone through since the time you’ve met and you’d like to be able to protect him from the bad things of the world. No matter how often he tries to push you away when he feels like he doesn’t deserve the love.

“Okay,” Pope breathes out as he walks into the dining area. “He’s out of the shower,” he comments, resting a hand to your shoulder, “are you okay?”

Glancing around at everyone, they’re all staring at you expectantly. If you could guess, they’ve probably been staring at you long before Pope asked if you were okay. You nod and you’re about to give a more reassuring answer when you hear shuffling behind Pope. He turns around and you get a full few of JJ, he’s wrapped up in a hoodie that’s too big for him, his face is swollen and a bit blotchy. He looks like he would be twelve and it makes your heart clench in your chest, a lump forming in your throat at his glossy eyes.

He looks at you and only you, “Can we go to bed?” You look away and to your hands, to the one that Kie has wrapped firmly in hers. “I’ve calmed down, please?” When you look back up at him, the glossiness of his eyes is now watery with unshed tears. “Please?”

There’s absolutely no way in the world you’d ever be able to say no to such a sad boy. To the boy in general. JJ turns around as soon as you stand up and you don’t even think twice about following him. He gets into bed, turning his back to you and you follow. You wrap yourself around him, shoving an arm under his head and one around his waist. Both hands press flat into his chest as you mold yourself against his back. Knees to knees, chest to back, and JJ lacing your fingers together.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, placing a kiss to your fingers, “I know that you wouldn’t be with me unless I was worth it to you. I’m sorry that I get knocked down so much that I feel useless to everyone. Especially you. I never want to be anything less than enough for you.”

You press a kiss to the back of his neck, “You’ve always been enough for me, JJ. Always.” You pull on his shoulder a bit, trying to get him to turn over. When he does, you place a hand on his cheek, soothing over the skin there, “You’ve always been enough for me, JJ. You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been beaten down your whole life, that is not your fault.”

A tear slips down his cheek and you wipe it away. The motion makes him press a kiss to your wrist. “You’re the person that keeps me going,” JJ whispers. “I’m nothing without you.”

“Don’t say that, JJ.” you shake your head. He’s so much more than that. So much more. “You’re caring, loving, protective, sympathetic, and empathetic. I’m just a perk to your qualities.”

That pulls a giggle out of JJ. A few tears slipping from his eyes at the surprise of laughter. You push forward to place a kiss to his lips. Loving the feeling of him actually kissing you back this time. He pushes in deeper, an arm around your waist, pulling your bodies flush. You kiss with so much intensity, it knocks you on your back and JJ follows, hovering over you as he kisses back with just as much. It makes your blood warm, makes you feel like you’re on fire as his free hand trails down over your waist, over your hip and to the back of your thigh to hitch it over his own hip.

The passion being exchanged is absolutely mind blowing, your brain short circuiting at the overwhelming feeling of love flowing between the two of you. It’s ardent and you want nothing more for it to continue but when you slip a hand over JJ’s ribs, he winces, sucking in a deep breath against your lips.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out, quickly switching positions with him and pushing up his hoodie, “I forgot.”

“It’s okay. I definitely just forgot about them.” JJ wiggles his eyebrows at you as the hand on your thigh moves to caress the skin. “Let’s continue to forget about them.”

You place three quick, consecutive, sticky kisses to his lips before moving down to place one on his chin, to the base of his neck at his throat. Before placing delicate kisses over the battered skin of his torso. JJ’s breathing hitches in his throat and he lets out a watery sigh when your lips brush over the sensitive skin of his ribs. The hand on your thigh squeezes tightly at your movement, almost as a warning, but you ignore it and continue to sprinkle your love over the bruises on his skin. You know it won’t heal them but you can wish that it will.

A groan is punched out of JJ when your tongue lightly brushes over one of the bruises above his belly button and you chuckle a little bit. He’s turned into a bit of a heaving mess, gasping for air. You know it feels weird, like a mixture of pain and pleasure and JJ has no idea how to react to it. So, he just breathes heavily. He moves one hand to lace his fingers with yours as the other rests at the bottom of your spine.

Placing a few more kisses to the bruise over his right rib, you pull his hoodie back down over his stomach, and move up to place a few kisses on his neck. He moves his head to the side to give you some room and you suck a bruise into the juncture of his neck, right where it meets with his shoulder. A soft moan escapes him as you do. “There,” you kiss over your work when you pull away. “A good bruise to look at. One from love, not hate.”

The breath JJ lets out sounds more like a sob and he pushes into you once again. Wrapping his arms around you and shoving his face into your neck, he’s almost completely settled on top of you once he gets comfortable. He kisses at your skin, where he can reach, a few times and squeezes you as if you’re the only thing keeping him alive. You hold him back tightly, giving him the comfort he needs.

“I love you, you know,” he murmurs.

You kiss at his hairline, “I know.”

He doesn’t fall asleep until he repeats his I know, back to you.

-

-

JJ was finally feeling back to normal. The few days after his breakdown in the hot tub, things were a bit tense. A little too quiet for his liking. The day after, he laid in bed all day really only getting up to pee. He didn’t eat until you had come back to the Chateau, after doing something with your parents, and forced him to eat something. You had to basically force feed him to eat the food you made for him. He was grateful for you, you kept him together when all he wanted to do was break down. JJ was positive that there’d never be another person to care for him quite like you do.

Yesterday, the entire Chateau was empty when he woke up and it unsettled him a bit. It was never a good thing when it was quiet around there and he didn’t think he could handle anything else that was bad. He wandered around a bit, pulling on a hoodie because he didn't really want everyone else to stare him down, until he found everyone sitting at the hammocks. It was barely sunrise and he was confused as to why everyone was up already for no reason, and why they hadn’t woken him up either. You looked up from your spot in the hammock as he approached and held your arms out. He climbed in with you immediately and fell asleep only seconds later, to the sound of you quietly talking with Kie. The rest of the day was spent in bed with you, everyone giving him space to regroup. It was nice. He got kisses and other things that made him feel like himself.

Then today, everything is relatively back to how it should be. With loud laughter, stupid jokes, and sarcastic comments. Today is a day out on the HMS Pogue and JJ is absolutely loving it. There’s nothing he loves more than being out with his friends. With the people he loves and cares for the most as you all do stupid shit togeher. It’s his favorite thing. Also, to feel your skin against his, especially when it’s a bit warm and sweaty. That just feels nice. It's a major plus.

You’re currently resting against his side, his arm slung over your shoulder and his hand resting comfortably between your boobs. You’re laughing at something Sarah said and it’s probably the most relaxed he’s seen you in a few weeks. Your head thrown back, nearly resting on his clavicle and your hand slapping against his thigh. He wishes he was paying attention to what was being said, just so he could repeat it to see you laugh like this again. So carefree, the way that you should always be.

The sun is beating down harshly on everyone, making everyone sweat just a bit but no one seems uncomfortable by it. In fact everyone just settles in more, sitting in complete bathing suits and drinking beer.

“Did you guys really start dating? And not tell us?” Pope asks out of nowhere, completely unprompted. But the more he stares at Pope, the more he realizes he was just lazily kissing at the side of your neck where he just so happened to be resting his head.

“Yeah!” John B exclaims, resting back in the drivers seat of the boat, Sarah settling with him, “What the fuck is up with that?”

JJ shrugs, “Wanted to be able to mack on my girl in private.”

“JJ, shut up.” You laugh, sitting up and making him go with you. “We just wanted to make sure it was serious? I guess. Wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just silly feelings from knowing each other for so long. It would’ve felt different if everyone knew.”

“We wouldn’t have judged,” Kie says, leaning in with her elbows on her knees.

“It wasn’t about that,” You shake your head, “it was more like, nothing is really private with us. We share everything with each other. And this was something that needed to be figured out with just the two of us. Nothing really changed between us so then we just kinda forgot to mention it.”

JJ can’t help but wrap an arm around you. Kissing you the night that he did was the best decision he’s ever made in his life. He took a leap of faith and it was the right thing to do. The moment you kissed him back he knew that everything was right, nothing could ever be wrong about his decision. He had a feeling things were changing between the two of you for a few months. Jealousy was shining through when one or the other would end up flirting with someone at a party. Touches were getting more intimate and possessive. The flirting was getting more and more serious.

You have been a constant in his life since he was nine. Always the first person who was willing to listen to his crazy ideas or go on his absurd adventures. You were the first one he went to every time his dad hit him. The only person that ever saw him in that moment of vulnerability. And that’s still to this day. You’re the only person he trusts, truly trusts. He knows that you’d never turn against him with the things he’s told you, shown you. You have years of knowledge on him, and he you, that you could crush him in a heartbeat but he knows you never will. You’ll never betray him. Even if you weren’t in his life anymore, there’s no way you’d ever do that. He just knows.

And he doesn’t even want to think about that possibility. You not being in his life just doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t want to find out what it’d be like.

“You know, we’ve known for months.” Kie laughs, pulling JJ out of his thoughts.

You gasp at her words, “What? How?”

“I saw your guys’ first kiss.” John B smiles, looking all sorts of smug.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t,” JJ chuckles, taking a sip of his beer. “It was at a party only we went to when we were 14.”

“Wait, what?” You question, turning to look at him.

JJ smirks, “Mhmm, remember the first time you smoked with me?” he looks to you for affirmation. When you nod, he continues, “Remember the game of truth or dare? You were dared to make out with the person you thought was the hottest. It was me.”

Your mouth drops open in shock, “Holy shit. That’s right. How could I forget?” The red suddenly tinting your cheeks is enough to make JJ’s heart skip a beat. To know he has such an affect on you, makes him feel good.

“You can’t handle your shit, baby,” he teases, leaning forward to flick at your forehead. You gasp and try to smack him but he grabs your wrist, leaning in to kiss you instead.

“Who knew they could get more annoying?” Pope groans. “You guys should’ve kept this to yourselves.”

“They were getting sloppy Pope,” Kie shrugs, “they wouldn’t have been able to hide it for much longer. You see the gross amount of love that oozes out of them when they look at each other.”

Everyone starts laughing but you just look at JJ and the look that's shining in your eyes is the same one they’re talking about. He knows the same thing must be reflecting in his own eyes because you lean forward and press a sweet kiss to his lips. On that he greedily accepts and returns. He smirks when he pulls away, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“So, John B what kiss did you see then?”

“One night in the hammock, like last year some time. I saw it and then the next days you guys were just different.” He shrugs, pulling Sarah into him some more.

You move into his side once again and look to Kie, “When did you notice?”

“Like six months ago?” She turns her head from side to side, trying to remember. “It was after breakfast at John B’s one morning. You guys thought you were alone in the kitchen. JJ was the one cleaning the kitchen, oddly, and you were on the counter by the sink. The way you were talking, it was about a date and you said that you loved each other but it was different than the way you’d usually say it. I left after that.”

JJ’s heart is starting to beat a little quicker in his chest. Something about talking about you or your relationship together just makes him excited. He loves it. He loves you.

“Pope?”

“Saw the secret hand holding at The Wreck one afternoon. Thought it was weird, seeing as you held hands all the time. There was no need to hide it but your fingers were doing that soft caress thing, it was obvious.” He says the whole thing like he’s disinterested in the topic. It makes JJ laugh.

“I think it’s amazing how long you’ve all known each other.” Sarah smiles and it makes a smile appear on everyone’s face.

John B then decides it's time to move the boat, to go somewhere to swim. Everyone gets excited, standing up and removing any leftover clothing, while the boat is moving, so once it’s anchored the swimming can begin without any sort of hesitation. It was too hot out now.

But then the boat comes to an abrupt stop and a few high pitched screams fill JJ’s ears before a splash of water. He’s been jolted to the very front of the bow, hitting his head on the seat there. It takes him a moment to connect the dots before he stands up to make sure everyone is okay. Kie and Pope are a couple inches away from him, groaning as they sit back up. John B rubbing his head, clearly hitting it on the window in front of him. And Sarah regains her balance as she stands up from the bench behind John B. You were nowhere in sight.

“Y/n!” He yells out, scrambling to his feet. “Baby! Where’s y/n!”

That seems to knock everyone out of their stupor and scramble to their feet. “JJ!” you groan out just as he spots your hand on the side of the boat. A cry rips through you as JJ and Pope rush to try and pull you up into the boat. You rip yourself away from them before they even get a chance to reach you properly.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Come on, grab onto me!” JJ yells, trying to keep in his panic. He has no idea if you’re hurt or not and the fact that you’re crying isn’t helping settle him at all.

“JJ! Please get me out of this fucking water!” You yell out, reaching up for him once more.

He immediately bends down, the panic in your voice, making him desperate to get you into the boat. He hears everyone else yelling, asking what happened, wondering why you’re having such a hard time getting out on your own, asking if you’re okay. But he ignores them all, finally getting his hand in yours and reaching down below your elbow to haul you up. Pope on the other side doing the same. You crash into him and with the force of his movement to pull you up and over the edge, he falls back into the other side of the boat, you landing on top of him.

You cry out in pain and flinch away from him, “Holy shit,” Pope gapes as he helps sit you up.

“What!” JJ exclaims, sitting up, running his eyes all over your body to find what’s wrong. It doesn’t take long for him to land on the giant red mark covering almost the entirety of your abdomen. “Oh, fuck. A jellyfish got you?”

“What?” You gasp, looking down to where his attention is. Kie shoves a water into your hand and Sarah sits behind you, wrapping her arms across the top of your chest. “Fuck,” you sigh out when you catch sight of it.

“Did you not feel that?” John B asks and JJ looks up to him for a second before back to you, trying to catch your eye. If you didn’t feel that, something else must be wrong.

“No! I think my ankle is broken!” You yell out, startling JJ a bit. He trails his eyes down your body until he reaches your ankle and fuck. Yeah.

“That looks broken,” Pope voices his thoughts perfectly.

“What the fuck happened, John B?” JJ snaps, his anger getting to him quickly. You getting hurt is the quickest way to get him angry. He hates seeing you hurt. In any way.

“The last storm must’ve changed the stream or something. We hit a sand bank. We haven’t been out here since then,” John B explains. “Let’s get back to the Chateau, we have to get y/n to the hospital.

JJ grabs your face in his hands and wipes away the water there. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“No, I don’t think so,” you breathe out. It comes out in a harsh breath, like you’re in too much pain and it sends a wave of panic through JJ. You’re never one to show that you were in pain unless it was an unbearable amount.

“Are you sure?”

He watches as you clench your eyes shut, trying to regulate your breathing. You just nod your head, not opening your eyes again. JJ places a kiss to your cheek and moves down in a line until he meets your lips. He lets out a breath when you kiss him back. Anything to keep you distracted. He pulls back and looks around to everyone else, not knowing what else he can do. Kie has a hand gripped tight in hers, Sarah is running her fingers through your hair, and Pope is holding your leg steady from the bouncing of the boat. JJ feels absolutely useless.

And it’s like you can sense his distress because you grab onto one of his hands and squeeze tight. “JJ stop overthinking. Tell me something. Tell me a story.”

So he quickly jumps into recounting one of your many dates. Asking if you remember it. Telling you how you looked in your outfit, how you made him feel. How much he loves going on dates with you. How he likes that you like to go surfing with him, hiking, biking, anything that requires physical activity. You giggle and laugh at parts that are funny, at how he nearly puked before picking you up to go on your first official date. Everyone else joined in on the laughs too. Soaking up the information they’re receiving.

It helps because you stop crying and wincing at every little movement and it helps calm JJ down as well. He picks you up into his arms when the boat docks and everyone rushes to gather the necessities and get you to the van. JJ lays you down and rests your head in his lap as he continues to tell you about how much he just loves doing simple things with you. Grocery shopping. Clothes shopping, the dishes. Eating food. Anything he can think of, he tells you. He just wants you to know how much he loves you. It’s the only thing he can think of doing. He doesn’t know why but it’s the only thing rattling around in his brain.

How much he loves you.

When the van pulls up to the hospital, everyone is still in a mad panic. It startles the nurses and those in the emergency room when 6 teenagers come bursting into the waiting room, in near hysterics. They don’t really handle each other being in pain well.

The nurse forces him to stay in the waiting room, putting a hand to his chest when he tries to follow you back more than once. You look at him and tell him it’s okay, that you’ll be okay, and as soon as it’s fine he can come back. It does nothing to settle him and he just paces back and forth in front of the 4 other Pogues.

“JJ, sit down. She’s going to be fine.”

“I know,” he sighs, stopping. “She just scared the shit out of me. If she had hit her head instead of her ankle on the side of the boat, she could’ve drowned.”

John B stands to bring him into a hug, “But she didn’t. She’s okay and you’ll see her in a bit.”

And he was right. The doctor came out about twenty minutes later and let JJ go back since your parents weren’t there yet. The rest of the Pogues decided to wait in the waiting room no matter what, saying that they would like to see you too but for obvious reasons to let JJ go first. He’s thankful for that because he feels like he’s about to vibrate right out of his skin.

“Hey, tough stuff,” he jokes as he walks into your room. Your eyes open and you smile at him lazily.

“Hi, baby,” you murmur, reaching a hand out for him. You make grabby hands at him until he’s in reach and it makes him laugh.

He grabs onto your hand and leans down to place a kiss to your lips. You’re still in your bikini but it looks like the sting on your stomach has been taken care of and the lower half of your leg is in a black cast. “Hi, baby,” he whispers back once he meets your eyes again. “How’re you feeling?”

“Well now,” you let out a giggle, “I’m feeling absolutely great. The pain medicine they have me on is wonderful.”

JJ lets out a laugh and caresses your cheek, “You’re higher than a kite, my love.”

You let out a laugh, “Damn straight. You should be so jealous.”

“Oh,” JJ nods, “I am. Don’t you worry about that.”

You let out a content hum, nestling into his hand a bit. Closing your eyes, you rest back into your pillow. “I broke my ankle. And the jellyfish sting isn’t as bad as it looks.”

He runs a hand through your matted hair, “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m fine, baby,” you mumble, giving him the smile that melts his entire being. And when you open up your eyes he can see that you really mean it. “Did you really think our dates were that good?”

“Everything we do is that amazing,” JJ points out.

Pulling on his hand, you murmur, “Come take a nap with me. Please. I would like to be close to you. Help me relax.”

JJ doesn’t hesitate to slip into the bed next to you, the vibration of his skin is still there and he knows that it won’t go away until he’s close to you. You turn your back to him and he settles in behind you, curving his body around yours. His arm wraps around your middle and his hand comes to rest on your chest, your steading heartbeat calming down the vibration of his body. You melt down against him and he just holds you to him even tighter.

“I would appreciate it if you stopped getting hurt,” he murmurs, moving your hair out of the way to kiss at the back of your shoulder.

“Yeah, so would I.”

“How about we both stop getting hurt,” JJ suggests, his kisses moving up to the side of your neck. His heart rate has calmed down significantly in just the few seconds of laying here.

“I can do that,” you hum, resting further into his front. “You don’t have to promise it, but just know I’ll always be there to help you when you do get hurt.”

JJ feels a lump form in his throat at your words. He knows what you mean, it’s not something you have to explain to him. You turn your head to look at him up and over your shoulder, a smile gracing your face. JJ nearly cries at the sight, the beautiful sight that it is leaves him breathless. When you pucker your lips, JJ obliges, swooping down in no time and pressing a firm kiss to your lips. His skin tingles at the feeling and he wishes you were anywhere else than in a damn hospital.

“I love you, you know.” You smile at him, kissing at his lips once again.

“I know.” he says against your lips.

If there’s one thing he knows. He knows that you love him. That you’ve given him love every day since the day you met. The only person to give him continuous love, love that he needs. And he knows that you know how much he loves you. How much he will always love you.

So, when you finally fall asleep, nestled in his arms, he sleeps. He sleeps comfortably. The only way he can, when you’re with him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

please feed my narcissism 

my masterlist is in my bio

[thefanficmonster]

Tell Me It’s Not Too Late

(Sequel to Switchblade)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: When is it considered ‘too late’ when it comes to expressing feelings? Is there even a time limit? Is the chance only momentary - is it a second that passes you by with no possibility of returning? All Corpse can do is hope that’s not the case. Cause if it is.....he’d rather not think about that.

Requested - sort of, but not in a typical way. Thank you to all the readers of ‘Switchblade’ that wanted to see the story have an ending that’d lead to a new start. Here it is, guys! Hope it lives up to what you expected. Love you all to the moon and back. 💖💖💖

I end my stream after almost three hours of constant scares. I sigh, slipping the headset off my ears so it’s hanging around my neck. I don’t feel that fulfilling feeling that I’m always met with upon ending a stream. I look at the countless scratches and little holes on the surface of my desk - evidence of the fear and frustration I experience while playing certain games. Not all of them are caused by that, however - Coming home after possibly the most humiliating night of my life, that desk and a few other pieces of furniture suffered my wrath and are now decorated with stab wounds that were a result of uncontrollable rage, hurt, self-hatred and self-pity. It took me a while to put an end to my hazardous, switchblade wielding rampage throughout my house, but the tears didn’t stop until the early morning hours.

I didn’t care that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. That was and is the least of my troubles. The most amount of hurt comes from the fact that I ruined something wonderful for myself. Corpse is the only person I’ve felt this close to all my life and now, due to my own poor decision making, I no longer have him. He no longer wants to be a part of the shit-show that is my life. Especially not now that he knows how messy things get when I show my forever-hidden feelings. I can’t blame him. I know I’d be running for the hills if I were him. He deserves a person who knows what’s going on in their life. Who has themselves and their surroundings figured out. Not someone who has an irregular streaming schedule and catches feelings for her best friend, ruining the friendship altogether in the process.

As I stand up from my chair, accidentally hitting the handle of the switchblade on the edge of my desk. I look down at it and how tightly I’m holding it. I seem to not be able to let go of it. Almost like I see it as my last bit of link to Corpse. The remnants of the connection I felt between us.

Maybe I should return it.

No, that’d be weird. I’d either have to go over there and give it back or send it via mail which is worse. It just feels like a harsh gesture - mailing something so meaningful as though it’s as worthless as the bills people get in the mail. I can’t send it through others, I don’t want anyone else getting involved. The more people know, the more real it is.

I’m aware I’m being both overdramatic and irrational, but you have to understand how much pain I’m in. I can’t guarantee the pain will go away or even lessen if I let this switchblade go, but it’s the only thing I haven’t tried.

Only problem is - I can’t let it go. I can’t find it in me to destroy it or throw it away. A part of me is willing to take the suffering of keeping it just cause it wants to hold on to that little connection it resembles. It’s evidence it existed to begin with. I believe it’s worth the pain. The hurt will go away eventually, but the memories are forever. I’ll look back at the time I had an amazing person such as Corpse to call ‘best friend’ and I’ll have something to prove to myself that it wasn’t a fever dream.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.“ I mumble as I finally uncurl my fingers from around the damn thing and put in down on my desk.

I take the headset off and proceed to head out onto the balcony to light what I call a ‘stress cigarette’. I’m not a regular smoker, but when everything just caves, I prefer to resort to a quick puff rather than grabbing a drink. I can say no to a second cigarette but not to a second drink. That second will then turn into a third and so on. And I don’t trust myself when drunk. I don’t personally know, but I’ve been told I’m rather unpredictable.

For the first few seconds while I’m standing there I don’t notice the pouring rain by some strange miracle. I can only focus on the chill of the breeze and the fresh breath that’s finally entering my lungs. I take a moment to breathe in the cool air before I start mixing it with the cigarette smoke. 

With my eyes closed, I hear more than I feel the rain on me. Storm noises always distract me from the actual storm, they calm me down. However, the sudden loud thunder causes me to open my eyes in a matter of milliseconds. I frown, slightly upset that I didn’t catch glimpse of the lightning that the thunder probably followed.

I’m not upset for too long, though. A lightning flashes right opposite me, creating the most mesmerizing of pattern you can see in the night sky during a storm. It’s so bright, it allows me to see my whole, usually unlit garden perfectly in that second or two it graces the sky. 

Wait

My balcony has a clear view of my entire front yard and all it takes a glance to the left to be able to see the front doorstep. 

Don’t freak yourself out, it’s just a trick of the light

I stay quiet and as still as a statue as I await another flash of lightning, my heart speeding past the point of a healthy pulse and into the realm of a near heart attack. The storm seems to be on my side because maybe a minute later another lightning bolt cuts through the black of the night. 

Sure enough, there’s a person standing outside my front door.

Fuck, what do I do?!

The person doesn’t appear to be moving. They are standing just as still as I am, facing towards the house.

I thank the universe the lights inside the house are off. I turned them off cause I wanted the ultimate scary experience playing that game. The only light is the faint glow of my computer screen which is, thankfully, barely visible. I slowly start backing up towards the sliding glass door, never taking my eyes off the figure that I can just barely make out now that my surroundings have fallen into darkness again. If it weren’t for the lightning I would’ve never been able to see them.

I manage to get back inside, soaked as though I just got out of a pool, without making a single sound. Just to be safe, I shut my monitor off. I grab my phone to use as a flashlight in one hand and the switchblade just finds its way into the other, my fingers curling around it tightly, more on instinct than to use as a weapon. I know I probably won’t be able to stab whoever’s out there.

I tiptoe my way down the stairs where all the lights are also off. I flick the blade out as I hesitantly and shakily make my way to the door to look through the peephole. I let out an unsteady exhale as I look at the the figure who is now standing further away and seems to have one arm in the air, curled at the elbow.

Just as I’m about to pull away from the door to dial 911 another flash of lightning illuminates the yard, the figure along with it. 

Can we go back to it being an intruder?

It’s no intruder, surprisingly - to my dismay. 

I turn my phone’s flash off and reach for the switch next to the door, flicking the light on before opening the door and walking out. 

“I NEARLY STABBED YOU WITH YOUR OWN BLADE!“ I yell in a desperate attempt to be heard over the waterfall of rain.

I can finally see him properly thanks to the light in my hallway. He looks like he hasn’t slept in years. He has his hood up but his black locks are sticking out in every direction from under the soaked material, not being protected from the droplets whatsoever. I read the shock in his eyes, almost like he didn’t know I lived there. He doesn’t make an attempt to approach or walk away from me so we just stand there, in the rain, staring at each other as though it’s the first time we’ve seen one another.

I snap out of the trance he has put me in, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the situation as I step towards him, grabbing onto his wrist, “Come on, we look like drowned rats.” I don’t give him time to react as I drag him inside, closing the door once we enter. “OK, from the top now: Why were you embracing your inner serial killer on my front porch?” I keep blabbering, diverting my gaze to anything but him. “Fucking hell, I could’ve stabbed you! You could’ve gotten really badly hurt! I -...”

“You know, I wish you stabbed me.“ He finally puts an end to my sorry excuse for frustration, I’m aware I look and sound miserable. His voice drags my eyes straight to his, fixing them there. “I know you can’t kill a cockroach on your own, and I know you most definitely wouldn’t even scratch a person, but I wish you had hurt me. Inflict fifty stab wounds on me and you still won’t hurt me as much as I hurt you.“ His hand swiftly pushes the hood off his head, grabbing onto his drenched locks as an expression of pain paints itself on his face. He’s the one diverting his gaze now, “I know what you mistook my silence for and I want you to get that out of your head.“

I wince at the pang in my chest, barely restraining my hand from flying up to rest over my heart, “Don’t humor me, Corpse! I’m not a child and this is not a game!”

“I’m not humoring you. I’m telling you...“ he makes a step towards me, grabbing hold of my ice cold hands, “I’m telling you I’m an asshole that freezes up when it’s least acceptable. I’m telling you I’m the worst at expressing how I feel. I��m telling you I can’t open foil. But you already knew all that. And you still liked me.“ He breaths in, refilling his lungs before continuing his rant, “I know you can be very chaotic. A real handful. A fucking tornado. But I love you. I love you as every natural disaster you represent. And if you could humor me...“ One of his hands releases mine, coming up to push a strand of hair away from my face, resting his hand on my cheek. “...by giving me one more chance. You always let me try multiple times when I stumble over what I’m trying to say. Can you do that, for me? For us?“

I let out a dramatic sigh, rolling my eyes. “If I say yes will you stop showing up like that on my doorstep?“ Of course, my primal instinct is to act tough and cool when my heart rate is once again going at the speed from back at the balcony. The skin of face and neck is red and burning hot. My eyes are rimmed with tears, I hope he doesn’t notice.

“Yeah. I’ll start coming in through the chimney instead.“ He visibly relaxes, a smile dancing at the corner of his lips. He lifts the hand that’s still holding the switchblade, prying it out of my grasp. “No sharp objects, please.”

He drops it in the pocket of his hoodie, finally leaning down to erase any last bit of doubt I have left. This kiss teaches me a lot of things.

Love isn’t linear - nothing about it is linear. Not falling in nor falling out of it. Feelings aren’t digital or binary - it’s not always as black and white as we might want to believe. Feelings don’t just come and go. They are always present, but it depends on us weather they’re suppressed or expressed. We fear the latter cause we fear vulnerability and change. But we also crave the positive outcome we have a 50% chance of getting. It’s a fifty-fifty game, but here’s the thing: if you never express your feelings it’s a zero-a hundred chance that you won’t receive the outcome you’d like.

I took the fifty over the zero chance and regretted it for a day or two. It gave me closure if nothing more. It let me stand under the spotlight and carry my pride on my shoulders despite the tears in my eyes.

My feelings being reciprocated is just another benefit. But no longer being able to call Corpse ‘best friend’ cause he’s now got a bigger and better title is the positive outcome I have been dreaming of. 

He makes it all worth it. He is worth all of it. 

And if I had to go through all that again, you can bet your ass I would.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis

[wandsandwheezes]

Till You Make It | F.W | CH10

Fake It | The Masterlist

Warnings // 3.4k // SMUT 18+, Hufflepuff!Reader, yelling, fighting, trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of blood purity, mentions of a shitty past relationship.

A/N // I can’t believe that this is the end of Fake It Till You Make It. I’d like to thank the angel that is @starlightweasley​ for being my co-writer and for coming along for the ride that is this series with me. I’d also like to thank every single person who has been reading along, I am so grateful for your support beyond belief.

Fred had done everything he could to make you comfortable. The second you had collapsed at the door, he was pulling you into his arms and laying you on the sofa, fetching a blanket and a drink for when you inevitably woke again, wanting to be there at your side the second your eyes opened. His hand was brushing over your hair as he felt your breathing pick up, realising that soon enough you would be awake again. You were lucky that the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was Fred, smiling and sitting you up comfortably. “Here, it’s just some water but It’ll do you good.”

“Thank you, Freddie.” You half-cracked a smile at him as you took the glass from his hands, taking a sip, you didn't realise just how dry your throat was until the water had coated your throat and you were able to breathe without a feeling of hoarseness scratching at every word. 

"I'm scared Fred… Wh-What if he hurts you trying to get to me" You choke out, a tear rolling down your cheek as Fred takes the glass from your shaking hands again, placing it back on the coffee table before taking both of your hands in his. 

"Baby, you don't need to be scared of him, not now, not ever. You are so brave and so strong you don't even need me." He tilted your chin up to look into your eyes, his thumb wiping away the tears that spilled down your cheeks. You nodded, pushing away from the sofa to press your lips against his, happy that you had Fred here to console you and make you feel better. 

"Let's get you showered, patched up and into bed shall we?" He offered, standing up and offering out his hand for you to take at your own pace. This was what you loved about Fred, he made sure that you never felt pressured to make any decisions and treated you like your own person. You took his hand, letting him pull you up and towards your bathroom and on the way you saw Lady sound asleep in her bed, finally able to relax. He helped you shower, washing your hair and brushing it out gently for you before sitting you up on the counter to clean up your cuts and bleeding wounds. You watched as he went to put the clothing you had worn in the bin, but quickly and without thought you blurted out. "Burn them." 

He looked at you, seeing the panic in your eyes as he set the clothing in the bathtub, pulling out his wand and watching the clothes burn to a crisp with the simple incantation. You were at his side, finding a sense of relief at the way the material was reduced to dust before walking away to slip into one of Fred's t-shirts. It hurt your boyfriend to see the quick bruises that had formed on your skin in the shapes of fingerprints and ovals, vowing to never let it happen again, to never let anyone lay a hand on you so long as he lived. He helped you relax under the warmth of the duvet, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he brought the quilt down over your body. 

“Where are you going?” You whispered quietly, the fear of being alone hitting you suddenly and all at once. He stopped dead in his tracks, looking over his shoulder to see the tears that pooled in your eyes and he didn’t want to leave you, not ever if you felt safe with him there. He slipped off his shoes, knowing that he didn’t have to run the second someone knew where you were because you were home. Soon he was sliding in beside you and letting you curl into his side. You slept soundly in his arms, knowing that when Joe came, Fred was there to protect you. 

Fred couldn’t sleep a wink, he couldn’t even fathom the thought of the monster of your nightmares coming and taking you away in the night so he waited. He knew what you’d said and he wouldn’t leave you unprotected for even a second. That’s why he heard the locks being broken, the scuffling in the kitchen and the hushed breathing that echoed around the silent flat. Fred’s arms instinctively wrapped around your waist tighter, pulling you to his chest while pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

Fred gently slipped out from under the sheets, pushing his wand in his back pocket as he walked to the corner of the room, waiting for the inevitable, ready to confront the squib man for the first time. He held his breath as he watched the coward emerge from the doorway and Fred took note of the black eye he sported, his eyes fixated on you as he watched him take a deep breath. 

Joe’s gaze was transfixed upon your sleeping, vulnerable figure that he didn’t even notice the brown eyes gazing at him from across the room. You had left quite the mark on his face, not as many as he had littered on your own body but it was definitely something he hadn’t even anticipated from you. “My daisy…” He whispered, his voice filled with desperation and longing. 

“She’s not your daisy, you tosser.” Fred’s booming voice filled the silence, it was so loud that it made Joe jump, turning around only to be met with the shadow of darkness that filled the corners of each room. With each step forward, the dim light from the window unveiled every inch of his body as he emerged from the shadows, cracking his knuckles as he eyed up the shorter man like a predator watching its prey. “You have some nerve coming back to my home.”

“Think of yourself as a protector?” Joe sneers, rolling his eyes as he runs a hand through his hair, taking a step closer to Fred before looking over his shoulder to see you still sound asleep, curled up under the sheets.

“I damn well do a better job of protecting her than you ever could… The second you laid a hand on her you made it that way.” Fred returned, the anger that bubbled inside of him couldn’t be suppressed and he knew that it wouldn’t take much until he was pushed over the edge.

Joe scoffed, turning his head to the side ever so slightly and the moonlight that shone through the window illuminated his bruise and the bags under his eyes. Looking back towards the wizard, his eyes narrowed and a darkness swept across his features, “Obviously you’re not that good at protecting Y/N… slipped right into my hands she did, it was easy.” A grin spread itself across his features and a shiver ran down Fred’s spine making him swallow thickly. Part of your lover wondered if this is how you must have felt the first time Joe was this way with you. 

Cocking his head to the slight angle, he looked Fred up and down slowly before that grin turned into a menacing smirk and he continued: “Had to bribe the butler, of course. It’s amazing how someone can stay so silent when you hand them over a cheque, you see… I have everything sorted out for us both. I’ll take her now, we’ll go and you’ll never see any of us either again. It’s not that hard, mate. You’ll find another girl and you won’t be bothered ever again, I see what the papers wrote about you… ‘womanizer’, ‘bachelor’ it’s all quite interesting, really.” Joe clicked his tongue, the memory of seeing the paper in his parents’ living room had been a fateful day. Licking his lips, he glanced back towards the girl who was now stirring from the voices in the room, the bedsheets dragging along with her.

“Shut up.” Fred scowled as his face contorted with rage, getting increasingly more irritated as the bastard continued to speak and taunt him. 

“Fred, isn’t it?” Joe asked but he knew. “You don’t know how it felt when I got my hands on my daisy after so long… her supple skin, the rosiness in her cheeks and her soft hair.” Inhaling, he smiled genuinely to himself. “Of course… her unmarked body is a different matter, it was as if she had been waiting for me when I took off her–”

Fred had heard enough of Joe, unsure of how he managed to keep his cool long enough. He had his suspicions as to what had happened to you in his presence and the way Joe spoke so openly about how you felt to touch was enough to solidify the disgusting thoughts, the fact that he had the balls to touch you with any respect made all sane actions fly out the window. 

The ginger man didn’t even realise that his fists were raised until they were colliding over and over against Joe’s chiselled cheekbones. Whatever feeble punches made contact with Fred’s body seemed not to bother him, continuing his relentless assault on the man that quite simply had the nerve to hurt you and your boyfriend was ready to put him through every ounce of pain he had ever inflicted on you. The commotion in the room had caused your puppy to run into the room, the scent of the man who had left her petrified and stolen her mum caused her to bark angrily, growling as her teeth sunk into Joe’s shoulder. 

The echoes of grunts and yells that filled the room and the increasing barks from Lady roused you from your sleep, reaching out you realised that Fred was no longer in bed with you and that Lady was growling too which caused you to quickly pull out your wand and rub at your eyes. As they focused, you saw your boyfriend holding Joe down against the ground, blood flowing from his nose and mouth with every punch to his jaw. The scene in front of you caused you to swing your legs off the bed, running over to the two men, hands wrapping around Fred’s waist to try and pull him away, but his strength overpowered you, causing you to start yelling from the top of your lungs as you begged him to stop. “Freddie please,”

He eased at your pleading voice, pushing himself off the man whose face was covered in blood and as soon as he was standing you pushed the taller man behind you, pointing your wand at Joe for the second time, this time all the more determined in what you would do if it came to it. He was breathing heavily, wiping the blood from his mouth as he sat up, looking up at you through hooded eyes he laughed. “What a couple; Fred and Y/N… both too weak to stop the muggle man from his fury and anger.” 

“Tell me one reason I shouldn't kill you now.” You shouted, pushing away the fear that rose the second you remembered that Fred was there with you, swallowing thickly as you pondered it, the thought of killing him and being free from his never ending tirade.

“All I ever wanted to do was love you,” He whispered, his throat contracting due to the tears illuminating against his cheeks and his eyes that were once filled with life but also crashing waves now depicted the darkest seas, no hope beneath the void visible. “–and I wanted you to love me too.” 

You squeezed your eyes shut in response, head tilting to the left to look away from his direction as you pressed your lips together and tasted the saltiness from your own tears.

“My father would never associate with anything dirty, non-magical… or real.” He whispered, looking down at his lap where you laid your head, gazing up at him with widened eyes. “Imagine being a squib…– born into a pure-blood family,” He cocked his head slightly as he let out a small laugh and glanced out the window with tears in his eyes and sorrow lacing his voice, “I guess, yes, I’ve always had some envy towards those with magical abilities… not because I wanted it for myself but because I wanted to actually be liked by own father. I should stop talking, I’m prattling on about useless things–”

“No–” You quickly sat up, hair cascading down your back as you straightened and looked at him with slightly furrowed brows filled with sympathy and concern, your hand reaching to grasp his and the small act of kindness caused him to finally turn back to look at you. His gaze softened, taking your perplexed expression into consideration as he squeezed your hand delicately and nodded, listening to you intently: “Joe… your father, he wasn’t acting like a dad when he said those things.” 

“But why be with a squib–”

“Because I love you for who you are, not because of your blood or your abilities or your name… I love you for your kind and genuine and loving heart.” And with that, you placed your free hand on his heart, feeling it beat in rhythm with your own and you shared a kind smile with the man who you had grown to fall for throughout these months. 

It was then that you felt Fred’s comforting hand rest on your back and you knew you would be okay, you are brave. 

“I know you did.” You whispered, “But what we felt for each other, it wasn’t the right type of love, it was hurtful and perverse. I will never love you again, Joe, not when I know what real love feels like.” You realised that it was the first time that Fred was hearing those words, something you had never said to each other, but you knew he loved you in his caring actions and longing glances you felt love with Fred like it was the most natural feeling in the world. 

“I’m sorry, Joe.” You knew what you had to do, swallowing thickly you raised your wand, breathing out the incantation like it was part of your inhale and exhale. The spell altered his memory of you, knowing you as nothing more than a friend, erasing any and every memory of your relationship; every kiss, touch, date and lingering moment. You wondered why you hadn’t done it sooner and you felt a sigh of relief course through you as you felt a weight lift off of your shoulders. Part of you wished you could obliviate every mark and memory that was imprinted on your body and another part of you wished he could live with the knowledge that you had stood up to him. But when you glanced back at Fred, who was standing there with a bleeding lip and bruises yet to form, your mind went back to how carefree you felt back at Hogwarts watching him fly through the air and earn bruises that matched a winner’s smile and you felt comforted by the knowledge that you were going to be okay.

You watched as Joe’s face softened and his breathing regulated as blood dripped down his upper lip from his nose, falling against his shirt. You turned around to Fred wrapping your arms around him as you buried yourself into his chest and let out every tear inside of your body, listening to your faint sobs ricochet against his torso as his arms wrapped around you protectively, whispering softly for you to hear. “Let me call Lee, petal, we’ll get him taken to the ministry.” 

You nodded, letting him leave you to grab his phone and make the call he needed, leaving you alone with a man who was confused beyond belief and rubbing at his shoulder where Lady had bit him earlier. You knelt down beside him, fingertips brushing your hair out of your face as you sighed. “You’re going home now, Joe,” 

“Y/N, I– I don’t know what I’ve done, why am I here?” He looked up at you, seeing the tears in your eyes and recognising the fear that was packed into every look. He rested his hand on yours and for a moment you recognised the man that you had once loved, seeing past the monster that he had become and you sighed, placing your other hand over his to give it a gentle squeeze. 

“It was all a terrible accident, Joe… But Lee is coming, he’s going to take you home.” He nodded, taking a deep breath but wincing at the pain he felt in his ribs. You helped him up to his feet and out to the living area, where you were met with Lee and Fred. Lee’s eyes widened at the sight of Joe before looking back at Fred with a furrowed brow and a shake of his head, whisking away the bleeding man leaving you and Fred alone in the flat, the sounds of your breathing being the only thing between you. You reach out your hand to him, guiding him towards the bathroom, sitting him on the counter for you to clear up.

“You don’t have to do this, Y/N, we can just go to bed and–”  He spoke up through gravelly vocal chords, but you just shook your head, taking his hand to clear up the cuts with an alcohol-soaked cloth, using gentle movements to clear up the blood as he winced at the feeling. You cleaned his wounds in a comfortable silence, pulling off his bloodied shirt to see his torso littered with slowly forming bruises, your fingertips tracing over every single one as you looked into his eyes, your lip quivering at the thoughts that ran through your head. 

“I love you, Fred, I meant it when I said that being with you is what real love feels like. I��m not scared anymore, not afraid to admit that I love you and now that I’ve said it I never want to stop, Freddie, I love y–” 

“I love you.” He admitted, joining you in the last time you said the three words that he had been waiting to hear, his hand coming up to bring your foreheads together, smoothing your hair down as he gauged your reaction, a smile falling over his lips when he saw your soft smile. 

“Is now a good time to tell you I bought the cottage?” He laughed, pulling your waist gently so that you could be as close to him as possible, his heart skipping a beat when he watched your face light up for the first time in days.

“Fred Weasley, what did I do to deserve you?” You pulled him down to finally press your lips together, the flame of a thousand tiny fires building inside of you and you finally felt at peace. Fred gave you everything you could have ever needed to have a happy life and now you were free to take it with both hands, letting yourself finally fall in love with someone who deserved happiness just as much as you did.

After that night you and Fred were truly free to begin your life together, packing up the flat in less than a week, ready to move to a home that you had always dreamed of, away from the city and away from the madness that Joe had left you to suffer with. You were lucky you had an amazing group of friends ready to help in moving the countless boxes into the brand new home all ready for the two of you, who were yet to take your first steps inside. 

“I’m not sure I feel ready.” You admitted, staring at the doors to your new home, side by side with the man you loved as your hand held tightly onto his, fingers laced together as his thumb stroked the back of your hand. 

“I don’t think we ever will be, after all this is the home of our dreams.” 

“Not just that Freddie, I’m… free.” The last word you breathed out, turning to look at the man next to you, not expecting to meet his eyes so quickly but welcoming his gaze as you smiled up at him, but his hand was quickly on your cheek, pulling your lips to meet his in a soft and delicate kiss. 

“Let's do this properly then shall we?” he hummed, bending down to swoop you up bridal style before pushing open the door with his foot, carrying you across the threshold into your new home. The sounds of your laughs as they echoed through the hall made him truly realise how in love with you he was. Fred Weasley tried his best to show you how much he loved you every day he woke up and breathed for you, made you feel worthy and you slowly but surely grew to believe him. Together, you made it and that is the greatest feeling of all. 

taglist // @starlightweasley​​​ @theweasleysredhair​​ @pansydaisy​​ @vivianweasley​​ @feetoffthetablee​​ @darthwheezely​​ @thisismynerdyself​​ @witch-and-a-half​​ @loony-loopy-lupinn​​ @rip-us​​ @hopemalfoyweasley​​ @softlyqoos​​ @colorfulprofessornickelangel​​​ @fandomscombine​​ @satellitespidey​​ @rip-us​​ @starkidpotty​​​ @mollydarling-hphm​​ @amwithers2001​​ @asthmax​​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​​ @whizboingies​​ @rosietoesy​

[cutiepatoodie]

Floo Powder and Charades P.1

Y/N floo’s to the Burrow after a massive fight with their mother, they find themselves in the middle of the weekly Weasley family game night

Pairing: Fred Weasley x GN Reader

Warnings: abusive mother, angst, also tooth-rotting fluff

Word Count: 2k 

Cross posted on ao3

You slam your door and crumple into a ball, silent sobs wracking your small body as you fight to keep them back. The urge to scream rises in your throat and you fight it back, tamping down on your fear to better hide from her. But it doesn’t seem to matter, you can hear footsteps pounding up the stairs, heavily beating in time with your rabbit-like pulse, closing in on your bedroom. And you can feel it automatically kick in, mind working to calculate how long you have before she reaches you, whether you can escape, where you can escape but-

“Y/N L/N get your ungrateful ass down here you little shit.” And you can hear her heavy breaths, dragged in through bared teeth, lips curled in a snarl. “Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.”

And you almost want to laugh because this seems like anything but talking.

“After everything, I've done for you and you have the gall to disrespect me? Get out here filthy bitch!” The door rattles as her heavy-handed fist fights to twist the doorknob, violently slamming it back and forth as the locking mechanism holds true. “Open the goddamn door or else I'm knocking it down myself!” 

Stumbling away from your door you know that there is no escape. Your mom is going to force her way in no matter what you do to stop her. Fresh waves of tears were making rivers down your cheeks but the idea of wiping them seemed too exhausting, mind already resigned to your inevitable fate. Blearily looking around you remembered the small box you kept on the mantle on the other side of your room that Ron had given you for your birthday. Instinct takes over and struggling to overcome your leaden feet you rise, stumbling to the boarded-up fireplace. Your hands grip the wood and try to pry the boards away, mind desperately catching onto the sliver of hope. This was your only chance to get out of this house. Having to go to Azkaban for improper use of magic at this point seemed better than staying locked up in her house. 

The banging on your door was getting louder and more repetitive and as your nails scrabble to find purchase on the aging wood, digging in with the strength of survival fueled desperation. Finally, after what felt like forever you hear a crack and one of the boards break giving you more leverage to take down the rest and you clear just enough for you to climb through.

“What’s all that noise in there? Y/N open the fucking door.” And finally, the lock gives way with a groan as your mother bursts inside, hair tangled and chest heaving, flexing with rage and fury. This is it, she’s finally going to kill me this time. The small box heavy in your hands is the only thing grounding you. The thought of your mother crossing into the only place in the house you felt remotely safe from her taunts and screaming makes your chest tighten, breath leaving your lungs in a panicked whoosh. You can barely feel your fingers as they fumble with the box’s delicate clasp revealing the small amount of glittering powder inside. Throwing the powder into the hearth you choke out a small “the burrow” before being zapped into the floo network. 

And even before the flames have properly cleared you can smell farmland, the rich, earthy scent of hay, grass, and freshly turned soil laden underneath the softer scent of warm vanilla, cinnamon and something uniquely home. There were so many voices. Blending together, some words appearing clearer than others. 

“Not knowing how to dance!”

“Good one Georgie but I’d say He’s outrunning a Moose!”

“Maybe he’s trying to swat a fly?”

“What if Dad’s trying to play quidditch?”

“It’s probably some muggle thing anyway. Do you know what he’s on about Harry?”

“Uhhh, it could be… Y/N?” Harry yells, astonished, while looking straight at the fireplace where his friend had just appeared. 

“What do you mean Harry? Y/N is staying with their mother over the break.” Hermione is quick to reply as silence falls over the living room. Everyone turns towards the fireplace to see you caught like a deer in headlights, disheveled and unexpected in the Weasley’s living room. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t know where else to go. I can floo back home. You know what nevermind, I can just leave. Where do you keep the Floo Powder?” You were rambling now going off apologizing for coming in unannounced. You know your voice is cracking and fighting against the fresh sting of tears that prickle at your eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry darling you can be on the twin’s team. Arthur was just about to tell us if we had won or not.” Molly’s voice is so soft and comforting. She gestures to the open spot between her and Fred in front of the couch. Without much thought, your legs bring you there sitting down, back pressed to Hermione’s legs as she reaches down to put a kind hand on your shoulder. Molly pats your knee with reassurance and the game continues. 

“All of you were wrong, I was swimming!” Arthur announces, pleased to have won the round. 

“If that’s how you swim it’s no wonder we never go to the beach.” Fred chortles, clutching his stomach and leaning into George for support. The familiar tug of a smile pulls at your lips and soon enough you are laughing the tension out of your muscles. As the beams from the setting sun started to cast a peachy pink glow around the room Molly stands up and excuses herself and Arthur to start putting dinner together. A familiar tension grew thick in the room. No one wants to be the one to bring it up but everyone is thinking it so Ron finally speaks up. 

“Who’s up for a quick scrimmage in the backyard before dinner? We’ve probably got another two hours before the sun sets.” The seven of you make your way to the shed in the back yard to grab the brooms. Upon reaching the doors Harry pulls you aside. 

“Hey, I know I’m not the best with feelings but… if you need anything, from any of us, we’re here.” Harry awkwardly pats you on the back, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“Thanks, Harry, but really I’m okay. I’m just stressed about that potions project Snape assigned for us to have done when we come back in April and I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one going crazy over it.” You let out a breathy laugh and Harry can see that the smile plastered on your face in no way reaches your eyes. He looks at you, seeming to weigh the worth of calling you on your shit before relenting with a huff. “Yeah Snape never misses a chance to be a damn prick.” You know that he doesn’t believe you, but it does not matter since he’s not pushing it. 

The teams were decided, Ginny, Ron, and Harry, against you and the twins. Hermione was reffing and made sure to agree to settle any fight that came up over scorekeeping. The three on three went on for about an hour before Fred caused a distraction so that you could catch the snitch. Returning down to earth your knees buckled and you decided to lay on your back for a bit before standing up again. Everyone followed suit, laying in the fresh grass covered in drying sweat and a few scrapes and bruises. 

“I can’t believe we beat the famous Potter in a game Y/N. You have to tell Cedric that when you go back to practice.” Fred said, lazily punching your shoulder. You didn’t mean to flinch. It was an accident but by how tense Fred was on the grass beside you, it was obvious he had noticed. 

“If you’re going to ask if I’m okay, just don’t. You did nothing wrong, okay Freddie?” Your voice felt distant as you tried to reassure the lanky beanpole to your left. You sat up feeling a bit more clear headed and yelled. “I call the first shower!” before running back into the comfort of the Burrow. 

The water rolled off your body as your muscles finally were able to relax. The familiar sounds and smells of the Burrow were doing wonders for your anxiety. You poured some soap into the palm of your hand and absentmindedly scrubbed dirt from your skin. While washing your mind began to wander through the events of the day. Thoughts of your mother tried to creep back in but suddenly there was a banging on the door as it swung open. 

“Close the curtain Y/n I need to take a leak and Georgie is taking forever downstairs.” Fred called before the sound of a zipper rang through the bathroom. Your heart was pounding as you tried to bring yourself back to the world around you. The toilet flushed and the sound of the sink was barely audible through the beating of your heart. The doorknob started to turn and before your brain could catch up the words were out of your mouth. 

“Can you stay?” It came out so softly Fred could have sworn he made it up. His cheeks dusted pink and thank goodness for the obnoxious shower curtain Molly insisted on putting in their bathroom which covered him from your gaze. He cautiously sat on the toilet seat afraid that if he made too much noise you’d try to push him away again. 

“Do you want me to ask around for some clothes you can change into? I mean if it were me I wouldn’t want to put my quidditch clothes back on.” Fred scratched the back of his neck staring down at the floor. 

“Oh yeah I didn’t even think that far ahead to be honest. I mean if it's okay just like a hoodie and a pair of shorts would be awesome. I’m almost done in here anyway.” Your voice sounded more like you than it had all day. Fred released a breath he did not realize he was holding. He just wanted you to feel safe. 

“Yeah of course! I’ll uhh go and grab some clothes and a towel and uhh yeah meet you back downstairs when you're dressed is that okay? I know that you wanted me to stay but I kind of have to leave if you want me to get ya some clothes. Or I mean I can always text Gin and see if she can bring some….” Fred devolved into muttering about what the most effective way to grab you some clothes and not leave you alone longer than is comfortable. 

“Freddie it’s okay, I’m not going to break. Your room is right across the hall and I already have a towel in here with me.” Hearing the teasing smile in your voice calmed down his nerves. Why did he feel so nervous anyways. You had been around the burrow for a while and it shouldn’t be making him this nervous. With a quick be right back he slipped out of the door. Grabbing a pair of shorts and his newest Christmas sweater his mother knitted for him last year he padded back to the bathroom. The water wasn’t running anymore so he figured he probably should just set the clothes outside.

“Hey Y/n I’m just gonna put these outside the door. So uhh whenever you're ready I'll see you downstairs.” He placed the clothes in a neat pile and scuttled to the head of the stairs. 

Pulling Fred’s sweater over your head made you feel way calmer than you first had expected to. It was warm and cozy and smelled of firewood and smores. It was quite big on you but that did not matter. Drying your hair one last time with the towel you left the bathroom hearing the voices of your friends from all the way down on the main floor. A smile spread to your lips knowing that no matter what happened next did not matter because right now you felt safe. 

[albertasunrise]

No More - Chapter 2

Summary: Frankie has been your best friend since you were in the 2nd grade. You were each other’s first’s, he, your first love and as you’d both gotten older you always somehow fell into bed together after one too many drinks with the boys. You don’t know how much longer you can keep this up but fate has other plans for you both and events are set in motion to decide for you.

Warnings: Explicit, Unprotected sex, blood and injury, mentions of abortion, unplanned pregnancy - 18+

Pairings: Frankie/ Reader

~

Benny was worried. He’d been trying to get hold of you for the last two weeks but you were ignoring all his attempts to contact you. Your car hadn’t moved since that night. He knows this as he drives past your house every day to get to and from work. The longer your radio silence goes on the more he worried he is that something more serious had been going on when you’d left that night saying you’d been unwell that week. He finally decided enough was enough and decided to stop at yours on his commute home. Parking his truck in front of yours he sprinted across the lawn and rang the bell, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for you to answer.

‘Benny?’ You say with a bemused expression plastered across your face ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I was worried about you.’ He states, taking in your haggard appearance and red-rimmed eyes ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you for like two weeks but you’ve just ignored me.’ He pauses, trying to rein in his anger ‘What the hell is up with you?’

‘I uh...’ You think for a moment about what to say but decide there's no point in hiding it ‘I’m pregnant Ben.’ You reply and shock spreads across his face.

‘Wha- how?’

‘I uh... Had an encounter a few months back and well turns out my birth control failed and I’m pregnant.’ You explain, scrubbing a hand over your tired face.

‘Who’s the father.’

‘That doesn’t matter.’ You reply, shaking your head ‘He made it quite clear he doesn’t want kids so-‘

‘You have to tell him, babe.’ Says Benny, giving you his signature sad eye look that's almost impossible to resist ‘He at least deserves to know about the kid if you're planning on keeping it!’

You knew he was right. You had to tell Frankie but you didn’t know how to. How do you tell someone who cheated on his girlfriend with you that your birth control failed and you were now pregnant with his child... and keeping it!  

What if he asks you to get rid of it?

Could you ever look at him again after that?

‘You clearly have a lot to think about so I’ll go.’ Says Benny as he gives your arm a gentle squeeze ‘Before I do. Will and I were planning on having a movie night tomorrow. Why don’t you come? Take your mind off of things for a while.’

You think about it for a moment before nodding in agreement. A movie night would be a good distraction and you’d missed Benny and Will. What harm would it do? He says his goodbyes and sprints back to his car, waving at you as he reverses onto the road and drives away and leaving you to ponder what you were going to do next. It felt good to tell someone. Get it off your chest but now you needed to plan what you were going to tell the father and when you going to do it.

~

‘She lives!.’ Says Will as he pulls you into a hug.

‘Ah, there’s my favourite lady!’ Squeals Ben.

‘Indeed.’ You chuckle as grin at him ‘Sorry for going MIA on you guys.’

‘It's cool.’ He replies, smiling sweetly ‘Benny kinda told me the sitch... You told the father yet?’

‘The father of who?’

Your stomach sinks as you turn your head to see Frankie stood there with a beer in each hand and a rather shocked expression on his face. Your mouth starts to move but your words seem to escape you. Of course, he’d be at movie night. Of course, he’s at everything the guys do.

‘Are you?’ He points at your now slightly swollen stomach and you simply nod.

‘Shit!.’ He exclaims, his eyes flying open in surprise ‘How far along?’

‘Uh- around 3 months.’ You reply as your hand settles on your small bump.

‘Wow, congrats!’ He says as he raises a beer in cheers.

It’s clear he hasn’t put two and two together. That 3 months ago you fucked each other in your kitchen. That 3 months ago he cheated on his girlfriend with you. You nod your thanks to him and head into the kitchen with Ben, smiling when he hands you a non-alcoholic beer.

‘Didn’t want you to feel left out.’ He chuckles ‘I’m sorry about Will blurting it out like that. I figured you wouldn’t have minded me telling him though.’

'It’s fine Ben.’ You say sweetly as you kiss his cheek ‘Not like I can hide it now that I look permanently bloated.’

‘I can’t believe you’re showing already.’ He says as he places one of his large hands on your small bump.

‘Is it your's Ben?’ Asks Frankie as he appears in the kitchen, the look in his eyes making you shiver.

‘No, you douche.’ He replies, punching his friend in the arm.

‘What did you and Emily decide to do in the end?’ You ask, your tone a little colder than you’d meant it to be.

‘We uh... We terminated it.’ He replies, shrugging his shoulders ‘She doesn’t want kids and I don’t either so...’ He trails off as he takes a swig of his beer ‘I never knew you wanted them, Lazo?’

Your stomach is twisting in knots at his statement but you manage to force your words out ‘Yeah.’ You reply, nodding in confirmation ‘I’ve always wanted them. This wasn’t exactly how I’d planned it but you know. Shit happens for a reason.’

‘So you told the father yet?’ Asks Benny as he gives your arm a gentle squeeze.

Your eyes flit to Frankie before returning to Ben ‘Yeah I did.’ You lie, trying to swallow past the lump in your throat ‘He wants nothing to do with it.’ You finish, venom dripping from every word.

‘Shit.’ Ben pulls you into a hug and you allow a single tear to fall ‘At least you gave him the option.’ He states and you nod, unable to say any more for fear you’ll slip up ‘You’ve got us! We’ll be the best damn uncles that kid’ll ever have.’

You smile at that before looking at Frankie who’s smiling sweetly at you and suddenly you regret lying. Perhaps you should tell him. Maybe it’ll be different because it's you. You shake the thought from your head.

Don’t be ridiculous... He loves her not you.

Movie night goes as smoothly as it can considering the circumstances. When it was over you thanked them for the distraction and then walked to your car, jumping when Frankie’s hand grabs your wrist before you can open your door.

‘Frankie wha?-.’

‘Three months ago we slept together.’ He states. His tone a little panicked.

So he had put two and two together.

‘Yes, Frankie I remember.’ You growl as you pull your wrist from his grasp ‘What’s your point?’

‘Is that my baby?’ He comes straight out with it and your mouth goes dry ‘Please tell me that’s not my baby and it’s just some random guy's that you met at a bar.’

‘What if it is yours?’ You spit, his words lighting a fire within you ‘What if it was?’

‘I... I’d want you to get rid of it.’ He replies and you slap him.

‘Good thing it isn’t then.’ You lie, opening the door and climbing into your car but as you go to close the door he stops you.

‘Are you lying to me?’ He asks, his tone panicked ‘Please Lazo be honest with me. I’d be a shit father... No kid deserves me as their dad.’

Your heart breaks a little for him as you see the genuine pain in his eyes.

‘No... I’m not lying to you.’ You surprise yourself with how easily you lie to him ‘I went out on a girls night a few days before and took a guy home with me. It’s his.’

You know that even if that were the case it would be impossible to prove without a DNA test but it seems to appease Frankie and he lets you shut your door, watching you like a wounded dog as you pull away.

~

Its been two months since that night and you’ve barely seen or spoken to Frankie since. You’d tried to keep in contact with the Millers, even having the two of them over a few times. Ben had offered to drive you to your 20-week scan and had been so excited to see the baby on the screen. It felt good to have someone there with you who was excited for you. After the two of you cooed over the ultrasound pictures over lunch, you decided to learn the sex and had been overjoyed to learn that you were having a girl, Ben joking that he would keep the guys away from her when she was older.

‘So the dad really doesn’t want anything to do with it huh?’ He asks as he takes a sip of his coffee whilst you pick at your muffin.

‘Nope.’ You reply, popping the p ‘She came out of a one night stand so you can’t really blame him.’

‘You’re gonna smash it though babe.’ He says sweetly, placing his hand over yours.

‘Thanks.’ You reply, grinning at him ‘I’m really excited now. Although my hormones are all over the place at the moment.’

‘How so?’ He asks as he tilts his head to one side.

‘I am like raging horny all the time.’ You laugh, letting out a groan ‘I just need to be fucked.’

‘You always got me.’ He says as he winks at you.

‘As hot as you are... I don’t wanna make things weird between us.’ You reply.

‘That’s fair babe.’ He replies as he grins at you ‘Come on let's get you home.’

The drive back is a little awkward after his offer to scratch your itch but as soon as he walks you to the door and hugs you goodbye it’s forgotten. You smile as you stick the ultrasound pictures to your fridge, running your fingers over the images as you allow yourself to imagine what she’s going to look like. You wonder if she’ll have your eyes or his. You hope she gets his curly hair. Your stomach twists when you think about him. What if she is the spitting image of him? You decided to busy yourself so that you could forget about him. Evening comes around and you’ve settled down to watch your favourite show when the doorbell rings. You’re surprised when you open the door and see Frankie stood there, eyes red and chest heaving.

‘Frankie, what are you doing here?’ You ask, feeling your heart breaking for him a little ‘What’s happened?’

‘Emily broke up with me.’ He states ‘I told her that I’d cheated on her. We had this stupid fight and it just sorta came out.’

‘That doesn’t explain why you’re here Frankie.’ You reply ‘We’ve not been close lately.’

‘Please...’ He begs and you know what's coming ‘I need you.’

He lunges at you, his lips smashing against yours. Initially, you try to fight it but stop when his tongue pushes itself into your mouth to dance with yours. He walks you back into your house, kicking the door shut with his foot as his hands start to roam. You curse your hormones as you feel yourself growing more and more aroused by the second, letting out a gasp when his hand slips past the waistband of your leggings to cup your sex.

‘Fuck.’ You breathe as he pushes two fingers inside of you, pumping with reckless abandon and making you cum embarrassingly fast.

He’s then lifting you into his arms and carrying you up the stairs, your lips never leaving each other's as he nudges the door to your bedroom open with his foot and lays you down on your bed. Pulling down your leggings in one swift movement, he tears your shirt off over your head as his eyes grazing over your swollen breasts and stomach before removing his own clothes.

‘Fuck you look gorgeous.’ He breathes as he settles between your legs and takes one of your sensitive nipples in his mouth as he massages the other breast with his hand.

Does Frankie have a pregnancy kink?

Your thought is interrupted by him sliding himself inside you, filling you completely and you moan embarrassingly loud. That only spurs him on and he starts to rock his hips, his pace and angle sending you hurtling towards orgasm number two. You’d known that being pregnant made you more sensitive but this was out of this world. Before you knew it you were peaking again, back arching as he continued his relentless pace. He got another three out of you before he finally found his own, collapsing on the bed beside you bonelessly as he tries to catch his breath. You both lay there in silence for a short while, the sex haze beginning to clear.

‘What happened to us?’ He asks, the question taking you by surprise ‘You’ve been my best friend since 2nd grade but now we barely see or speak to each other.’

‘You know why Frankie.’ You reply, your tone a little irritated.

‘No... no I don’t. Explain it to me.’

‘Does this ever mean anything to you?’ You question as you between the two of you, noting the confusion that fills his face ‘Or am I just a release to you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘We’ve been fucking each other for years, Frankie. Despite trying to date people we always seem to end up in each other’s beds.’ You state, pushing yourself into a sitting position so you can look at him ‘Does it mean anything more to you or am I just a cheap fuck?’

‘I-.’ He's stumped by your question, staring at you as he thinks of what to say.

‘It’s not a hard question to answer Frankie.’ You spit, growing impatient ‘Do you have any feelings for me at all? Yes or No?’

‘It’s complicated.’ This reply makes your blood boil.

‘Complicated how?’ You growl ‘It hurts me every time we do this because I have feelings for you. I can’t keep letting you fuck your problems away with me. I’m going to be a mum Frankie. You can’t just keep turning up here and burying your dick inside me to make yourself feel better. It’s not fair on me.’

‘You have feelings for me?’ You let out an exasperated huff at his response.

‘Yes, Francisco I do.’ You grumble, running a shaky hand through your hair ‘But if you don’t want to commit to me then this needs to stop. I have others to think about now.’ You finish as you rest your hand on your swollen belly.

‘Okay.’ He replies, pushing himself out of the bed ‘This will stop the. I promise.’

This was not the response you’d hoped for but it was an option you’d given him. You nod and watch as he puts his clothes back on. Placing a kiss on your forehead, he leaves and you just lay there and wallow in your grief that Frankie will never be yours.

~

You're eight months along now and miserable. You're not able to drive anymore because your ankles are too swollen and have to rely on the boys to ferry you around. Things with Frankie have been better since that night and in a way, you feel you had closure and you’d gotten your friend back in some capacity. He’d offered to drive you to get some last-minute baby things before she arrived and you leapt at the chance, you were embarrassingly underprepared. The conversation had been easy, talking about Benny’s latest squeeze and how well things were going for Will and his girlfriend.

‘Reckon shes the one.’ He’d said when the two of you had come to a stop at the lights ‘They’ll be engaged by Christmas’ He finishes as the lights turn green and he starts to pull off.

The car comes from nowhere. The sound of metal crushing metal rings in your ears the car is pushed sideways along the road and with one final bang, everything goes black. You can hear someone called your name but they sound far away. You try to open your eyes but find they’re too heavy. Your ears right as awareness suddenly returns to you and then it all comes crashing back. Your eyes shoot open and you look to your right, eyes locking with Frankies. You study him and find that almost all of him is covered in blood but he’s awake and he’s talking to you so you take that as a positive. Pain erupts through your belly and you scream. The sound making Frankie’s blood go cold and his eyes drop down to see you cradling your bump.

‘Frankie the baby.’ You sob as the pain increases ‘My baby.’ You cry as fat tears roll down your cheeks.

He looks to see if you have any injuries and he’s relieved to find none, just a small cut on your face. He tries to keep you calm. To tell you everything’s going to be okay but he can’t. He’s losing his battle to stay conscious and he knows he’s going into shock. Relief washes over him as he hears the sirens, helps is coming. He allows himself to relax before unconsciousness takes hold and everything goes dark. All you can do is watch as he slips away, cradling your belly and praying you didn’t lose them both today. Everything is a blur then. The pain consumes you and after what feels like an eternity you're finally given relief as you slip into a painless slumber.

Benny's there when you wake up, holding your hand as you feel your awareness return to you slowly. You don’t recognise your surroundings but it's clear you’re in a hospital, you just can’t remember why.

‘How you feeling babe?’ He asks, watching as you try to blink away the brain fog.

‘What happened?’ You ask as you look at him for answers.

‘You were in an accident.’ He answers, giving your hand a gentle squeeze ‘Frankie’s car got t-boned at a set of lights. A guy jumped a red’

It all comes crashing back. The pain. Frankie covered in blood. You look down and see that your belly isn’t quite as swollen as it was and your heart-rate spikes as you start to panic.

‘Benny the baby! Where’s my baby?’

‘She’s okay.’ He replies ‘They had to perform an emergency C-Section as she was in distress but she’s okay.’ You feel yourself relax a little at that but then you remembered what he’d looked like ‘What about Frankie?’

‘He’s uh... He's in a bad way.’ He replies, his expression sad ‘He was in surgery for hours and they've had to put him in an induced coma... He’s critical.’

You can’t stop yourself from emptying the contents of your stomach over the side of the bed. Ben is at your side in a heartbeat, pressing the buzzer with one hand whilst rubbing your back with the other. A nurse quickly helps you lay down again when you're finished whilst another goes about cleaning the mess you’ve made on the floor.

‘When can I see my baby?’ You ask the nurse as she finishes up her checks on you.

‘I can get someone to take you to her.’ She replies, smiling sweetly at you.

‘And when can we see our friend?’ Benny asks ‘The one that was in the accident with her.’

‘I don’t know but I will find out for you.’ She replies, giving you both a grim nod before leaving.

A different nurse returns a few minutes later and helps you into a wheelchair before she starts to push you through the ward, Benny close behind you. You are wheeled into a room labelled NICU and are greeted by incubators dotted around the room. The incubator you stop beside is labelled with 'baby girl' and your last name, the infant inside covered with a small pink blanket. She has a tube in her nose that the nurse informs you is just for feeding and that she is really healthy for being a month early. Then you allow yourself to truly study her. Her head is covered in a thin layer of dark brown hair and her skin already has a tanned quality to it. When you look at her you see him and you can’t help the choked sob that escapes your lips.

‘What’s up?’ Asks Benny.

‘She looks like him.’ You say, not really thinking about the words that fall from your mouth.

'Who?' He crouches beside you and sees the vacant expression on your face as tears slips from the corners of your eyes 'Who does she look like?'

‘Frankie.’ You reply numbly as you stare at her.

‘How can she look like Frankie?’ He asks as his eyes flit between you and the baby.

‘Because he’s the father.’

~

Chapter 3

[quaranteehee]

“Leave Your Lover” - Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!reader ANGST

Leave Your Lover - Sam Smith

Summary: You’ve always loved him, but he wouldn’t know... even as you bid your farewells on the hospital bed. Because he’s a dumb fuck.

“Y/n! Yo... YO Y/N!!”

“Testu shut up I’m trying to tell you something!!”

“Okay Okay but shut up first I’m trying to talk-“

“BOI IF YOU DONT-“

He shoves the palm of his hands against your mouth, muffling the rest of your sentence. With twinkling eyes he proceeds to state the reason behind his excitement, “Kazuko Tomomi said yes!”

You slap his hands away. “What do you mean?? Yes to what? That could be anything- yes to babying your sorry ass? Finishing your English homework?? What does Kazuko-“

“A date,” he smiles at you broadly as he takes his fingers across his hair in disbelief. “She finally said yes.” A hearty chuckle escapes his lips before he plops himself back down on the grassy slope sandwiching the river beneath the highway.

“Congrats, you two!”

Kuroo hummed in response, mindlessly toying with the pastures between his fingers.

“Anyway what did you want to tell me again?” He sheepishly inquires with a lazy smile

“Ah, that? Never mind it. I guess it was nothing after all.”

But it wasn’t nothing. And in that space in time, you began to wonder what it would cost if you continued to protect this lie.

- - -

“Testu! I won- I actually won!”

Without another word, he scoops you into a tight embrace. You oblige by wrapping your arms around his back.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, training camp took its toll on me and well. I passed out as soon as I got home.”

You let it slide, he had a good reason to. You pull away and smile at him excitedly. “Buy me ramen and we’ll call it even.”

“Ah I can’t after school. I’m having dinner with Tomomi.”

It was a tradition to go out after a game. You forced an understanding smile, “that’s fine, tomorrow maybe? Before the weekend?”

“Can’t either. I promised Tomomi we’d watch that movie she wanted,” he scratches the back of his neck, “damn she always gets me to watch those cheesy dramas.” Despite his complain, a smile is plastered on his lips.

Oh god.. that smile- that damn smile. The perfect world you shared with Kuroo was distinegrating and you knew it. You were fully aware and you hated it.

“A-Ah, is that so?” You shift your gaze towards the window.

“I’m sor-“

“Anyway, enjoy yourselves! Don’t worry about it though.” You say a little too cheerily. Slipping on the strips of your backpack, you pretend to check your phone. “Ah, shit, I need to get my notebook back from Watanabe. See you!” Without giving him a chance to reply, you head towards the end of the corridor and disappear into the corner. Kuroo leaves soon after. As the sound of his footsteps dies down, you slump against the wall while staring hopelessly at the ceiling above.

- - -

“Thought is find you here.”

“Yeah?”

“It was obvious,” Kenma says over his PSP

“Well.. I figured I’d put in extra effort, you know?” And with that, you deliver yet another aggressive serve. The tennis ball lands exactly on the white line before bouncing off to join the others.

Kenma quietly tucks away his device and observes your practise. Glancing at the opposite end of the court, he notices an unnaturally large amount of neon balls rolling around aimlessly- the product of your training. Reverting his attention back to the Female Tennis player, he sees things he wish he was only imagining: tired eyes, a sloppy form, and a limp in your strides.

“Y/n, how long have you been here?”

“I’ve always trained here Kenma.”

“What time.”

“After school.”

“School finishes at half past three... it took a fifteen minute train ride, so assuming at you got here at four... “

“What?”

“It’s nearly nine”

You stop in your tracks and note that the colour of the sky has changed drastically. You’ve been practising for so long that you didn’t notice that you had been relying on the lights of the tennis court. “Oh. I guess I have.”

Bam. The ball ricochets against your racket.

“Tell Kuroo how you feel,” The Pudding Head says, carefully wording his sentence.

“He’s in love with her, though.”

“Stupid, not like that,” he sighs, “I mean, he’d understand. He really would. If it means taking off the weight off your shoulders, why don’t you tell him directly.”

You pause, clenching your jaw discreetly.

Kenma continues, “you’ve known each other for so long... if you tell him, he would understand. You’re his (y/n) aren’t you? He’ll still want you by his side, (y/n)...”

You let out a pained scream, startling Kenma, as you mindlessly fling your racket at the fence. How could you be so selfish?

“No. No, this is bullshit. Because he gets the best of both worlds from Tomomi and I,” you hiccup. “I am SICK and TIRED, Kenma-“ you’re shaking in rage.

Kenma watches you bubbling in anger- no. Not anger, but an unspoken sadness that can be mistaken for fury. His expression is gentle as he slowly walks towards you in the middle of the tennis court.

“SICK and TIRED of giving him all that I am when I can’t even have half of him. And you know what’s messed up? I don’t have any right to feel this way because he’s not mine...” your heart sinks to your stomach, “he’s not mine.. he’s with HER,” you grit your teeth, “AND... a-and he doesn’t love me.”

“(Y/n)...”

You fall to the ground, bursting into a fit of tears as the cold realisation washes over you. “He doesn’t love me,” you repeat.

The exhaustion that you’ve ignored slowly creeps up on you, paralysing your limbs until your vision goes pitch black.

- - -

You open your eyes and a blurred figure catches your attention. Sitting up, you rub at your temples. “Testu-“

“- will be here in a few.” The figure says.

“Kenma?” You glance, startled. “It’s 10 in the morning get your bitchass to school.”

“For someone that completely blacked out you sure are energetic..” he mutters in annoyance. “It’s Saturday, Dumbass.”

Surveying your surroundings, you’re suddenly aware that you’re confined in a hospital room. You begin to ask Kenma questions. He beats you with his response before you could even utter a single word,

“You’ve overexhausted yourself. No, you won’t die. Yes, you’re being discharged tomorrow. No, not today because of reasons I don’t know.” He watches as you close your mouth, his explanation seemed to have answered whatever questions you had in mind. “Look, I mean, I know tennis is a big deal to you and all but it won’t kill you to rest up once in a while.” Behind him rests your beaten up Tennis Bag. You catch a glance at your racket, some shirts, a tube of Tennis balls... and the letter.

“That’s not why you’re here, is it?” You ask cautiously.

He gives you a smile, his eyes glinting in a knowing manner. “How did you know?”

“Please. One, nothing goes under your nose unnoticed; two, that letter was in the racket section of the bag, not there,” you point, “where my clothes are.”

There’s silence.

“Duke University, huh?” Kenma says with a smile.

You mirror his gesture with a similar grin. “They were the only ones that got back to me. And it’s easier to apply for financial aid supporting international students for Duke than, yknow, NYU.”

“America,” he muses, “Oceans and oceans away.”

You meet the boy’s curious gaze.

“Kenma-“

“You have to tell Testu.”

- - -

Kenma’s text was the first thing that caught Kuroo’s attention as soon as he wakes up that Saturday.

“Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.” He squeezes past the crowd of people and sprints all the way to the hospital, practically slamming himself against the reception desk.

“How may I help you?” The lady cheerily inquires without hiding the concern etched on her face for the wheezing rooster head.

“(L/n)... I... I-“ he wheezes, “what room..?”

- - -

“Go easy on her...” Kenma whispers briefly before making his way towards the door.

“Kenma? Where are you going??” You call out desperately.

“Bitch I wanna play my games now tf.”

You glare at him, “But-“

“It’s okay. I’ll be here, right Kenma?”

That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, Kenma thinks to himself. “Whatever. Don’t be stupid. Both of you,” he huffs before closing the door shut.

He places his hand atop yours before pacing his fingers around your delicate ones. You eye your hands pressed against each other’s for a second too long...

So. This is what it feels like to be yours.

You fight back the urge to cry. “Tetsuroo.. can I ask you a big favor?”

He quirks an eyebrow in response.

“Can you hold me? Like before?”

“Hm? In a headlock?” With that sadist response came a throw pillow flying towards his face.

“Like we were kids.”

He complies, getting up from the chair situated beside the hospital bed. You shuffle to make some room for the older boy who wasted no time in holding you in his arms. You cave right into his touch, facing him. He rests his chin on your head with your feet tangled.

“Is there anything else, your highness?”

You can feel his eyes roll. You chuckle, “yes actually: I want a triple tier chocolate cake. A pretty heart necklace, and a bouquet of-“

“Chill.”

You both laugh heartily. Amidst the silence that followed, you can feel his fingers rubbing soft circles in the small of your back.

“I want... I want you to stay with me for now. If you have to go, do it when I’m asleep,” you mutter loud enough to hear.

He nods as confusion washes over him. This all felt too familiar - sort of like de ja vu.

Like we were kids...

The sentence and the way you said it keeps replaying in his mind. He thinks of nothing but the familiar way he held you and vice versa when the nightmares struck. How you’d pull away only when the other was asleep. What struck him the most was why you felt the need to ask? To him, holding you felt like one of the most normal things in the world comparable to how natural it was for him to breathe. Nevertheless, Kuroo decided that it was a question for another time.

You begin to hum the tune to a song which Kuroo claims to know. Determined to pinpoint the song in particular, he rapidly lists titles of various compositions whose melodies were quite similar. You smile to yourself, he’s the biggest idiot ever.

It didn’t take long before you figured he was getting tired. With your fingertips, you traced gentle patterns into his forearms to help lull him to sleep.

“... pack up and leave everything; don’t you see what I can bring? Can’t keep this beating heart at bay...

His eyes dropped, and his breathing became steadier. Your voice was barely a whisper as you finished your song,

“Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me just-“ you choke back on your own tears, permitting yourself this last time to indulge in your own selfishness. “Just leave your lover... leave her for me.”

—————————————-

YALL THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA DIE LMAOOOOO

[twstdreams]

hello i loved the sabotaged flying and catching s/o post you did! if you don’t mind could you do a part 2? same situation except with characters ruggie, leech twins, jack, and a character of your choice plz? you don’t have to do it! but if you do it’ll be much appreciated:) have a nice day!

Previous request: (for context) During flying class someone jinxes their crush’s broom and sends them free-falling but just before they hit the ground the boys rescue them. To show their gratitude, their crush gives them an innocent peck on the cheek afterwards (oblivious to their feelings) before leaving

Heroes, Villains, and the soft spot in between pt. 2

Floyd Leech

At first, Floyd is envious. Your flying looks like so much fun with all of the spontaneous ups and downs and spirals, maybe he’ll do the same when it’s his turn

Yeah, you’re screaming but maybe it’s from exhilaration? Like when you’re on a rollercoaster and filled with excitement

He realizes your screams are due to terror when you start free falling at a speed that can’t be safe while you wildly thrash in the air

Floyd scrambles to catch you in his arms, magic softens the blow, but the two of you are sent tumbling from the impact. You end up as a pile of entangled limbs with him below you to absorb most of the fall.

Floyd is a maelstrom of emotions. He’s upset that you lost control, he’s mad that he almost let you fall, and he’s certain, given the state of your broom, that something was amiss with it. Before he can act on his whirlwind of emotions, they’re all quelled by a soft stroke on his cheek.

“Are you alright?” you asked, eyes roaming his figure for injuries and tone filled with worry. Aside from the dirt on your uniform, you appear otherwise unharmed and that calms him more than Floyd will ever admit.

“No-oh!~ It hurts! Maybe if you give me a k-i-ss it’ll feel better?” he teases. Uncertainty and hints of disbelief swirl in your eyes as you bite your lip lightly. Before he can assure he’s just kidding, a heart-wrenchingly gentle kiss lands on his cheek.

“Feel better now?” you ask tentatively, “Did you cast some spell that needs kisses as a catalyst to heal wounds?” Floyd smirks at your naivety.

Jade Leech

Jade is reassuring you while you wait for your brooms. It’s your first time flying and you have jitters but it’s a compulsory component and Ashton Vargas is hardly the empathetic mushy type

Jade sees your broom is rather stiff and offers to switch with you, but you’re scampering to the start line before he can closely inspect your broom

You have an uneasy start, unsteady and quivering, but soon you’re high up in the skies with your classmates 

Then your broom sputters and in the blink of an eye, you’re plunging towards the hard ground

Jade acts quickly, casting a spell with an enchanted item, which slows your descent and has you landing on a magic bubble rather than solid rock. The bubble pops as you descend on it and you land on your feet and into Jade’s arms. Your fingers dig into his jacket in an attempt to stop yourself from crumbling on the spot.   

“Why don’t we head back to the café?” Jade suggests, his voice smooth and steady as it lulls you back to reality. If you looked a little closer, you’d notice how Jade grit his teeth, but at the moment you simply clung onto him for strength. You don’t trust your voice yet so you nod in response. In the distance, you hear chatter and screams, apparently, you weren’t the only one to fall prey to this horrid scheme. But with each step away from the chaos, a little bit of normality returns to your life.

“Take a seat here, I’ll get you something warm to drink,” Jade insists while pulling out a chair for you. You fiddle with the utensils as you try to distract yourself from that horrid first attempt at flying. The thought of ever going into the skies again is enough for your stomach to start performing acrobatics. 

“Enjoy.” Before your thoughts can spiral, your favourite warm beverage is in your hands. Jade sits beside you with a cup of his own, but he waits for your reaction.

“Thanks,” you murmur and bring the steaming drink to your lips. As the hot liquid runs down your throat and fills your body, you finally feel at peace. The corners of your lips turn upwards slightly. The warmth in your hands spreads to your heart. Impulsively, you turn towards Jade and share this precious warmth with a kiss to his cheek. An unexpected blush blooms on his face, but it only serves to make your smile bigger.

Jack Howl

He doesn’t really like you, okay? He’s not paying extra attention in class to you. You don’t catch his eyes or grab his attention.

He won’t unnecessarily associate with people, no matter how often his gaze wanders to you.

Then he hears your shriek and he acts on adrenaline. 

You’re falling and he couldn’t care less what anyone said about him. He could hardly be worried about looking vulnerable with your impending death

He breaks your fall, and both of you roll on the ground from the sheer force of the fall

His muscular arms wrap around your body as he takes most of the blow from the fall. Your head is spinning and you’re too unsteady and bruised to do much else but remain in his hold. He starts yelling but the ringing in your ears makes it hard to identify what he’s saying. 

“… so weak! … so stupid! What were you doing?” His mouth unleashes something in between a barrage of insults and a lecture but his trembling arms and contorted expression tell an entirely different story. He’s worried about you, maybe even scared for your safety.  Eventually, silence fills the space between the two of you but his arms still cage your body.

“Sorry for worrying you,” you said softly. You stare up into eyes with trepidation, and before your brain can overthink it, you clumsily kiss his cheek. The shock loosens his hold on you but his surprised visage is enough to send a deep blush to your cheeks. You quickly blurt out some sort of thanks and then run off before Jack has a chance to properly comprehend the situation.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie notices some classmates snickering a bit too much, and he recognizes the malicious glint in their eyes even if they do try to conceal it

He’s not too concerned until he sees one of them point specifically at you

He’s a little surprised, Savanaclaw kids certainly have their flaws but at least most had the guts to openly confront each other. They couldn’t be bothered with subterfuge and sabotage, they just fought each other 

Ruggie wastes no time confronting the group, intimidation and confrontation a familiar tactic for him. He didn’t become the vice dorm leader of Savanaclaw Snaps through gentleness, and he extracts the information he wants

Unfortunately, the idiots don’t even have an inkling about how to undo the jinx. He snaps their wands in half from rage alone

Before he can teach them a lesson, your screech pierces Ruggie’s ears. Worry instantly fills his mind, Ruggie is used to breaking up fights, not saving people

Ruggie doesn’t have the same inherent fountain of magic Leona does, but it’s enough to cast a shaky spell that prevents you from splattering. It doesn’t stop the tree branches from smacking your body or the rocks from cutting your flesh during the fall though. Ruggie is by your side in an instant, cradling you carefully.

While all your limbs are intact, scratches and bruises litter your skin. White-hot fury flows through his blood. He engraves the faces of the perpetrators into his mind, planning to teach them a permanent lesson. Your groan brought his attention back to the situation at hand, and he barely suppresses his anger in favour of carrying you to the infirmary. 

With a gentleness that surprises even him, he holds your body like a precious doll or perhaps like a knight saving his liege. He anxiously paces outside your infirmary bed as your wounds are being cleaned and dressed.  Eventually, the two of you are left alone after being advised that you’d need rest and were excused from physical classes for a while.

“Ruggie?” you croak. His swinging tail stills at your voice.

“Yeah?” He trudges towards you. You beckon him with his hand, and he can’t help but follow, sitting beside your bed. Bandaged and weak, he has trouble finding the willpower to deny you.

“Come closer,” you murmur. He bites his lip but obeys anyway. Slowly, as to not agitate your injuries, you lift yourself up with a tired grin. Your lips graze Ruggie’s cheek, it’s hard to muster up enough strength for much more, but it’s enough to perk up his ears and his tail lets you know he definitely felt it.

“Thanks for saving me,” you whisper before closing your eyes and finally resting, feeling safe with Ruggie beside you.

Cater Diamond

Cater heard rumours of some students planning on hexing some brooms, but he didn’t think it’d happen, least of all to you. There were plenty of vengeful and colourful characters at the school but many were all bark and no bite

“HELP!” Hearing your plea for aid was all it took for Cater to kick it into high gear

Cater immediately grabs a broom and starts flying to catch you. 

The broom wavers a bit from the impact of you falling into his arms, but aside from messy hair, the physical damage is minimal

Cater teases you, saying how you’re lucky to have a friend like him to save you with a grin. He holds you a bit too tight which betrays his cheerful facade

“Safe to say that class is over today, yeah?” His voice is light but there’s a tightness in his throat that Cater struggles to bury. His arms haven’t left your waist, even as the two of you descend on solid ground.

“Thanks for saving me.” Your words are sincere but your voice can’t help but waver after the traumatic experience.

“I’d say we deserve a treat,” Cater declares. Your eyes widen, but since he just saved your life, you decide to trust whatever plan he’s come up with. A small fragile smile forms on your face as you nod. Cater keeps a hand on your shoulder as he guides you.

Each step is easier than the last and eventually, your legs have enough strength to support you. Even then, Cater keeps a hand on your body and its presence is reassuring, so neither of you comment on it. 

“Here we are!” Cater announces before opening the door to the cutest patisserie you’ve ever seen. Pastel pink and green are accented by white giving the shop both a spring vibe and elegant theme. Shelves are lined with macarons, cookies, petit fours, cakes, and sweets to tempt just about anyone.

One glazed cake catches your eyes with bright colours and a flavour combination that sounds too good to pass up. Cater catches your gaze and orders it before you even need to ask. The dessert tastes even better than it looks. The contrasting textures and complementary flavours make for a great bite of food.

You finally feel happy after that disaster and the person responsible for that is right beside you with an easy smile. An idea sparks in your mind and it must show in your expression because Cater lifts an eyebrow up in a silent question.  You press a firm kiss on his cheek on top of his Diamond.

“Not as sweet as these desserts, but I hope you accept it as thanks for today,” you explain. Cater feels his heart swell, grateful for the affection. He’s now determined to show the culprits behind your life-threatening fall how heartless he can be. 

[demon-winchester]

Tremors Behind The Veil Chapter 7

-Chapter 7-

"What the actual fuck" screamed the barwoman. Absolute silence befell the club everyone was waiting for what would come next. I chuckled and Sylvia gave me an angry look. The glass panels of the roof started cracking, you could hear the cracks moving closer to our direction. You could almost see them too. The cracking stopped. Silence all around us.

Suddenly a terrible screech! The roof shattered, a million pieces of glass all around us, it was truly beautiful. The purple and pink lights reflected on all the tiny pieces dancing around us but the beauty would soon seize. A black ray started coming from above and harbingers slowly emerged. "Battle stations" screamed Sylvia. All the vampires around extended their teeth even more and nails came out of their hands. Three of them rushed straight to Sylvia, they were different, they had a light armor, and small blades though they had no nails. "The cavalry I presume" I said chuckling. "Silence" said Sylvia, "What are these?". "I'd think an Accursed Omni would know" I replied. "Damnit Circe, what have you done this time... As for you..", "Aiden" i interrupted her. "Well as for you Aiden, I presume you are the target so i shall leave you perish...I will give them exactly what they want!". "So you would leave a friend of Circe's behind?" i asked. "Circe can get herself out of trouble and trust me when I tell you I do not care about her friends!" she growled. A bloodbath was happening right before our eyes and we knew that death was -slowly but steadily- coming towards us. "I get that you don't care about me but I do know you care about your people, about your "kingdom" and about yourself. Even if these creatures take me you know that they will leave no one behind so I ask you... are you sure you want to let them have me?" I said looking right inside her glowing eyes. The horrible stench of blood was all around us. "Even if I decided not to give you up to them there is nothing you could do...nothing" she said. "I came here to get a skeleton weapon...Circe told me you would have at least one here. If you would give me it I could return to my full power. I've fought them before and after all you wouldn't think Circe would ask help from someone that couldn't stand up to it" I exclaimed. Harbingers kept emerging from the dark corners of the club. "Fine then, follow me but if you fail, trust me when I tell you that I'll be having your lifeless body for dinner, ohh you don't know how much I want to taste your blood." she said with a terrible grin. "Awww, always a sweetie" I replied. "Bodyguards....Follow me" she growled and the armored vampires started following us. All hell had broken loose, the club was getting destroyed, screaming everywhere and you could almost taste the sorrow. A harbinger lunged at us, I pushed Sylvia out of the way and I somehow escaped too, we nodded. The creature charged me, it hit me pushing me to the side. I saw it move towards Sylvia. Rage was swimming inside the eyes of the bodyguards. The creature managed to grab her head and she struggled but in the end she fell down on her feet. Something gray was getting dragged from within her mouth. At that point a Bodyguard shot it with an arrow, it became smoke and flew right into the ray, it went away maybe a little too easy. I tried to help her up but she wouldn't accept my assistance. She just nodded and we kept walking. I followed her inside the back doors, the bodyguards were right by us and they closed the entrance following us inside. The screams were muffled but you could still hear them behind the door. We kept walking fast but harbingers would keep entering this part of the building passing through the closed doors slowly. The bodyguards started attacking one by one... They could fight better than I thought though it was obvious who would eventually win. Sylvia waved her hand and a door appeared, she pushed me inside and the door closed behind us. The room was scarlet red with medieval decorations, axes on the walls and in the middle a glass case was placed. Inside there was a sword made of bones. "Here you go then, take it and show me if what you're saying is indeed true" she said. As i was walking towards the case I felt something pulling me towards it. It was under the case... I could feel it reaching for me. "Wait" I said. "Something else is here...I feel it calling me. It's under the case". "Oh God" she said. "You might actually be as powerful as you proclaim to be". She approached the case, she extended one of her nails pushing it inside her palm and placing in on the case. With that, the whole room rotated...we were suddenly upside down and I saw that the sword was now different...Its color was black as night itself, you could feel the gravity near it pulling you. "It was supposed to be mine you know" she said disappointed , "It calls to you now and that is something out of my control. My kingdom used to call it Erebus, the sword worthy of an Accursed ruler ". I nodded and I slowly walked to it. I extended my arm and it broke the case flying on to me, the lights flickered and all the glass frames broke. The bodyguards were getting overwhelmed and harbingers would soon break the doors. It was time finally. I transformed holding the sword and tendrils started coming out of my armor slowly binding it. The binding had not concluded but it was time to move. She summoned two sickles with chains in their handles. She opened the doors stabbing a harbinger with a war cry killing it instantly. We kept moving towards the club, alas I had a promise to keep. The bodyguards were in the front and me and Sylvia were side by side walking within these broken halls. The binding was still not ready but I could feel power on the grasp of my hands increasing fast and my wings were slowly raising. The binding was almost done and I could FEEL it , I started smiling, I was ready to shed some blood. "STOP" I yelled and everyone looked at me. "I'm going first" I said with a grin. Black tendrils were coming out of my eyes and mouth. Everyone seemed kinda scared. I chuckled and I kicked the door open revealing the battleground. Bodies flying everywhere and blood splattered across the walls. Finally it was time to get some retribution and I knew the sword itself lusted for death. I flung my wings open and I flew inside stabbing every unlucky bastard that stood in my way. "RUSH IN THE BACK" I screamed but nothing. "DO WHAT HE SAYS" screamed Sylvia and everyone started running towards her. I pointed my sword at the air and I started draining the ray. I flew higher and higher, strands of darkness all around me. The entire city stood under my feet. "A storm is coming" I screamed "And I'm ready to kill Zeus himself" I continued. Lightnings came from the heavens hitting the dark strands. I closed my wings and I started descending with the sword pointing at the ground. Lightnings and darkness were dancing around me. I hit the ground creating a crater. The sonic boom of the drop along with the lightnings evaporated the dark ray. All the harbingers were pushed back and they were cowering in the shadows of the corners of the club. "It's over" said Sylvia letting out a sigh. With that the Harbingers turned to smoke and jumped to the middle of this gigantic hall. "We are not lucky enough" I replied grasping my sword tightly. The smoke started concentrating slowly forming a tall figure. As the legs started taking shape I heard Sylvia gasp, "It - it can't be" she said under her breath. "That is not possible" she continued, the horror in her voice brought out the words one by one like dragging them within her throat. "H-How" she whispered while the figure was still forming. I rushed to her grabbing her by her shoulders and stopping her line of sight with the figure. "Tell me what's going on" I exclaimed trying to get her attention off of it. "This shouldn't be possible" she kept going looking me straight in my eyes."I don't know what's going on and obviously you are aware of something I am not so tell me what it is and how we stop it!" I screamed. "His name was Abigor the knight of thorns, he was an executioner in my realm thousands of years ago with his title forgotten by history itself, only the ones that met him and survived still remember this awful, awful name" she grunted. "I think he is nothing we can't handle" I said determined. "He killed my family Aiden, this abomination is the reason I had to grow up alone...the reason I became an Omni. I became what I am because I had no other choice" she

whimpered. "What happened to you is terrible....You survived once and you'll do it again." I exclaimed. "I'm sorry" was all she could mutter. I hugged her and I felt her shivering.... It's something I have to do myself. Abigor was standing a few meters in front of me now starting to actually move. He was the size of a small building...He wore a dark gray worn armor along with a shield and a sword. I know where he got his name from...He was entirely covered in thorns and so did his equipment. His whole aesthetic reminded me of my gun I thought to myself.

"Let's do this asshole" I screamed taunting him. The only thing he did was growl....You could see his hot breath coming out of the helmet. He hit his shield with his sword. "Oh it's on" I whispered to myself and I grasped my sword tightly. I opened my wings, I smiled and I flew straight to him hitting him with my sword and then flew away. Nothing, not even a scratch. "Let's try this again" I hissed. I rushed straight to him, he raised his sword to attack but I managed to dodge it. I felt something hit me and everything started spinning. I hit the ground and i saw him wiping his shield. He started laughing with a voice deeper than the depths of hell. He came towards me and he started kicking me while I was still down. The room slowly turning black. "HEY FUCKFACE" I heard from the entrance and a molotov hit Abigor only slightly startling him. I managed to crawl away from him. It was Lydia and now a fucking resurrected executioner started moving towards her. I had to do something fast....Sylvia might be able to help.

I rushed towards her. She was still trembling with her bodyguards around her. "TELL ME HOW I CAN SLOW HIM DOWN NOW" I screamed into her face. "I - I dont know" she kept rambling. "His legs" said one of the bodyguards "that should buy you some time". I nodded, grabbed the bow from his hands and I started running, my wings still injured from the kicking. "Fuck, I cant reach him in time" I said to myself. I hope this works for the sake of her. I took my sword and I placed it on the bow, I took a breath while dragging the string back with all the power I had in me. I breathed out and with that my sword was cutting the air. It hit his leg impaling itself deep inside. Abigor didn't even scream. He just kneeled punching the ground. I passed right by him I grabbed Lydia and I pushed her further back. "You can't be here.. Leave NOW" I raged. As I was saying that a piece of rumble flew straight at us, I went in front of Lydia to protect her opening my wings and bracing for impact.Dust all around us. "Please, just go and we'll talk later" I said with the calmer tone I could mutter."O-Okay" she mumbled and I could see she was shook. I saw her leaving and I returned to the hall. "Alright fuckface...You just made it personal" I said and I screamed as I attacked him but before I could touch him he raised his shield and he bashed me with it. I hit the wall again. I could taste the blood and the metal. "This clearly isn't working" I thought to myself as I saw Abigor approach me. He tried to kick me again but I have learned from at least some of my mistakes. As his dirty sabatons approached my face I pulled my sword and I thrusted it right into his foot. He groaned in pain and he fell back. I jumped and I started hitting his head and his torso but still, not even a scratch on his armor. I could only buy time by hitting his legs. At least enough for Lydia to get far away I hope... As I was trying to even scratch the armor a punch hit me. He got back up and he attacked with his sword. I ducked and I hit his legs another time. "This is not going to work again" he said while laughing. I dashed back and I summoned my gun. "Where did you find this weapon?" he asked. "Let's just say it was a gift from a friend fuckface" I replied and I started shooting. He put up his shield and he started running towards me. His shield was affected by the bullets, like it was getting hit by acid. Green vines started appearing on it and smoke started emerging from it. Abigor dropped the shield growling and he grabbed me knocking my gun off my hand. He brought me close to his helmet. Thorns scratching my face and his hot and horrid breath hitting me. "You thought I would let you get away...No one disrespects Abigor the knight of thorns" he growled. "Oh, he's talking in third person now, always a good sign... God, you're so cliche" I said chuckling. He growled and he started putting more pressure in his grasp. "I'm going to watch your intestines come out of your mouth" he growled. I was struggling but I couldn't escape his grasp...Everything was turning black.

Sylvia's POV:

"Th-This can't be happening" I was thinking to myself over and over and I couldn't stop. This is literally impossible.. This beast killed my family thousands of years ago in a whole different dimension.. How could he return even bigger than he was. Sounds all around me but I couldn't focus. how can I stop him ? . I still remember that age.

Flashback

Ahh I can almost feel the rays of sunshine hit my face and the smell of oranges dance around my nose. We lived in a small village, knew all our neighbors and I faintly remember the afternoons that all the kids would go play outside until the early hours of the morning. my queen . Everything felt ideal and everyone seemed happy. Nothing ever lasts... I've heard stories about the Pine Keep and I always used to think they were one of these stories the parents tell their children in order to behave. Tales about fearsome executioners and noble knights. Tales about eldritch kings and hilarious jesters. Tales about horrible plagues and beautiful gardens. In times when we were awfully naughty tales about carnage and death. my queen I beg thee . This day shall never escape my mind. I was helping mother clean up the house while my father and brother were cutting the trees in the back yard. Smoke started coming from the other side of the village and screams followed right after. My father rushed inside the house holding my brother in his arms. He dragged the carpet in the living room and opened the doors to the cellar. Father ordered us to hide inside and be quiet. Mother gave me the necklace she was wearing. "Sylvia if the time comes break it in half, it will get you out of here" she said. It all happened so fast... Father closed the cellar door and I heard the carpet getting dragged. Seconds later the door started knocking and at once I heard it brake, a stench followed right after. my queen I beg thee wake up . There's a turmoil in my head after that. Scarce sounds and smells, the only solid memory is an image... My parents dead right beneath my feet. Next thing i remember i'm outside with my brother. The whole village was burning and the sun had set. Ashes were falling from the skies, the stench of death was all around us... The smell of people burned alive will never flee my mind. Soldiers on pale horses were running around the main square dragging lifeless bodies. These were people that I knew. People that I would see every day... Aunts , uncles...friends. A knight approached us but he wore a different armor, thorns covering everything and blood all over his armor. My brother stood in front of me to protect me and he kept screaming "BREAK IT, BREAK IT NOW" but I couldn't even blink. "The blood of you parents is on my hands, you should have stayed hidden" said the knight still approaching us."Please break it, I beg you" my brother kept saying but at the time I couldn't comprehend his words. "Foolish child...telle mèrre telle fille" * the knight growled. He grabbed my brother and he started chocking him in front of my eyes. I finally managed to break the necklace. The image of my brother looking at me has been haunting me every time I close my eyes since....It was my fault. my queen he's strangling him . Not this time.

Flashback End

I got up with tears were running down my cheeks. My bodyguards all around me, I started talking before they could say anything. "Flee, all of you...Ensure that all the others leave this place safe. Use the hidden gates in the back" I said ordering them. " But my queen" said my trusted archer. "Silence" I interrupted him. "Do as I say...This is something I must do myself" I continued. They all nodded and they left in a hurry. "Time to fix this mess" I thought to myself.

* Author's note: telle mèrre telle fille is french for like mother like daughter

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #58: Tamamo Cat

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making Chaldea’s favorite pet of indeterminate origin, Tamamo Cat! This strangely furry chef is an incredibly speedy fighter, zooming around the battlefield to deliver delicious treats and lots of scratches.

Check out the level-by-level breakdown below the cut, or the build summary over here!

Race and Background

Tamamo Cat is-as her name would suggest-a dog, so the closest fit for her is a Tabaxi. This gives you +2 Dexterity and +1 Charisma. You also get 60′ of Darkvision, Feline Agility, letting you double your speed for a turn. To recharge it, you have to take a nap and move 0 feet. Your Cat’s Claws give you a climbing speed of 20′, and you can deal 1d4 plus your strenght modifier in slashing damage instead of other unarmed attack damages. Finally, Dog’s Talent gives you proficiency in Perception and Stealth. You’re not really that subtle, but nobody pays attention to the comedy characters.

“Altered clone of a level 20 character” isn’t a background, but it is a traumatic event, so I’d call you a Haunted One. The only skills they have that match you is Investigation and Survival. 

Stats

Your highest stat is going to be Strength. We don’t really use it after level 8, but it’ll be good to have it while we can. Second is Dexterity, you’re a cat, they’re pretty agile. Third is your Constitution, because you’re still a berserker, and not too good with the thinking. Your Wisdom is pretty high for a berserker; animals like you, because you are one. Your Charisma could be higher, but we need other stuff more. Finally, dump Intelligence. You know those pictures of cats where you can just tell there’s nothing but air between their ears? Nine times out of ten, that’s you. The other one time is why you’re a Haunted One.

Class Levels

1. Wizard 1: When you start as a wizard- just kidding, of course you’re a Barbarian. Starting as a barbarian nets you proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as two barbarian skills. You’re a dog, which is a type of animal, so Animal Handling tracks. cats are also good at running around like an idiot, so grab Athletics too. 

First level barbarians can Rage, resisting bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage, getting advantage on strength saves and checks, and adding extra damage to strength based attacks for a minute as a bonus action. It’ll also end early if you stop taking or dealing damage, but I wouldn’t worry about that. You also have Unarmored Defense, boosting your AC based on your Dexterity and Constitution. You’re more nimble than sturdy, so try to keep out of underfoot.

2. Barbarian 2: You can now Attack Recklessly, gaining advantage for a turn in exchange for giving advantage to others attacking you. The trick is to do more attacks by yourself than everyone attacking you can do back. Your canine reflexes also give you a Danger Sense, giving you advantage on dexterity saves to prevent damage from things you can see. Burning cat fur smells bad, so get out of the way of that fireball!

3. Barbarian 3: At third level, you set down a Primal Path. The Path of the Beast gives you a Form of the Beast when you start, giving you one of three natural weapons when you start a rage. Your Bite heals you once per turn when attacking, your Claws give you an extra attack each action, and your Tail has reach, and you can also fluff it up as a reaction to gain more ac against a single attack. You ever get an ingrown hair? What about several thousand at once? That’s why your tail does damage.

4. Barbarian 4: For your first ASI grab the new Chef feat from the new Feats Unearthed Arcana. Add one to your Wisdom score, and you get proficiency with cook’s utensils. During short rests, you can bard it up and prepare food for at least 6 creatures, adding another each time your proficiency bonus goes up. Any creatures who eats with you adds an extra 1d8 to their healing if they use any hit dice. After an hour of work (or a long rest), you can also make a number of treats equal to you proficiency bonus that last 8 hours. Anything that eats one of those as a bonus action gains your proficiency bonus in temporary HP. If this existed when I was making EMIYA, I would’ve squeezed it in somewhere, I swear.

5. Druid 1: Now that our wisdom is up to snuff, we can begin the traditional multiclassing! First level druids learn Druidic, a special language nobody in your party will likely know. That’s fine though, it’s not like they know what you’re talking about anyway. You can also cast first level Spells using Wisdom as your casting ability.

For cantrips, grab Primal Savagery for even more ways to claw people to death (albeit not very well, it uses wisdom) and Druidcraft so you’ll know if it’s a good day to nap on the windowsill. Druids can prepare spells, so you can swap them out as you feel necessary. I’d stick with spells that don’t need their saves to be high though, like Cure Wounds for some fast food or Longstrider because it’s not like you’ll be fast enough by the end of this.

6. Druid 2: Second level druids join a Circle. The moon’s a circle, and you yell at it sometimes, so that’s as good a pick as any. A Moon Druid’s features affect their Wild Shape. You’re willing to do things Tamamo Vanilla won’t, and that includes shapeshifting! Your Combat Wild Shape means you can transform as a bonus action, and you can use your spell slots to gain health while transformed. Your Circle Forms instantly max out your CR to 1, but you still can’t swim or fly. One important quirk of wild shape is that you can use other class’s features while transformed. We’ll be abusing that shortly.

7. Barbarian 5: Back in barbarians, you get an Extra Attack, letting you attack twice as an action (or three times with your special claws). You also have Fast Movement, adding 10′ to your movement speed while not wearing heavy armor.

8. Monk 1: Speaking of extra attacks and moving fast, have I mentioned you’re a monk now? Because you’re a monk now. You get another kind of Unarmored Defense that uses Wisdom instead of constitution and is therefore worse. You also gain Martial Arts. 

You can use Dexterity instead of Strength when making unarmed attacks. The rules are a bit fuzzy on whether or not your rage weapons count as “unarmed”, but your normal claws do, so I say there’s precedent. 

You can also use a d4 instead of your normal damage with unarmed or monk attacks, but all your attacks do more than that already, so ignore that. 

Finally, attacking with an unarmed strike or a monk weapon lets you use your Bonus Action for another unarmed strike. 

That means you can now make four attacks per turn if using claws while enraged, even while in a wild shape. Is this a bit silly? Yes. Are you a bit silly? Also yes, so let’s abuse this even more.

9. Monk 2: Second level monks get Unarmored Movement, adding another 10′ to your movement speed while not wearing any armor. You also learn to channel your Ki for some bonus abilities. 

Patient Defense lets you take the dodge action as a bonus action.

Step of the Wind doubles your jump distance, and you can disengage or dash as a bonus action.

Flurry of Blows uses your bonus action to make two unarmed attacks. This means that you can now get in five attacks per turn while raging, a.k.a. that thing fighters can’t do until level 20. You’re doing this at level 9.

10. Monk 3: You’re not really one for a Tradition, Monastic or otherwise, but alcohol pairs well with food, so let’s become a Drunken Master. This gives you proficiency in Performance, because you do know a couple tricks, and Brewers Supplies, because you should be able to make a full meal on your own. You also learn the Drunken Technique. When you use your Flurry of Blows, you also disengage, and add another 10′ to your movement speed for the rest of the turn. 60′ of movement, disengaging, and five attacks in a single turn is pretty good for the action economy.

You also learn how to catch frisbees like a good girl with Deflect Missiles. Use your reaction to reduce the damage of a ranged attack, and if it drops to 0 you can spend some ki to throw it back.

11. Monk 4: Use your last level in Monk to grab another ASI, and round up your Constitution and Strength for less round numbers, more AC and health, and maybe more attack damage if you want to use every part of your rage. You also learn how to Slow Fall, a reaction you can take to reduce falling damage by 20 points. Cats land on their feet, and now so do you.

12. Barbarian 6: Finally back in your main class, you gain a Bestial Soul, making your rage weapons magical for overcoming damage resistances. After a short or long rest, you can also choose to gain a swimming speed and the ability to breathe underwater, check free climbing, or a big boost to your jump distance.

13. Barbarian 7: Your Feral Instinct kicks in, giving you advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore being surprised if you go into a rage. For once I’ve made a barbarian build where going into a rage is always a good thing, so go nuts.

14. Barbarian 8: Use your next ASI for more dexterity, which means more AC, and more accurate/damaging attacks. If your DM’s ruled that your rage weapons don’t work for martial arts, go strength instead.

15. Barbarian 9: You get your first Brutal Critical, adding an extra die to your damage each time you roll a natural 20. You’re probably rolling 10 d20s a turn right now, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

16. Barbarian 10: Tenth level beasts have an Infectious Fury. If you hit a creature with your rage weapons, you can force it to make a wisdom save against your constitution. On a failure, you can either force it to attack another creature, or deal 2d12 Psychic damage. I’m not saying it’s rabies, but it’s probably rabies.

17. Barbarian 11: Your Rage is now Relentless! If you would fall to 0 hp while raging, you can instead make a constitution save to stay at 1 HP. Each success increases the DC, but it also resets on short rests.

18. Barbarian 12: Use your last ASI for more Constitution to get more health, more AC, and more and better Infectious Furies.

19. Barbarian 13: You get a second helping of Brutal Critical, making your claws even sharper than before. Scratching posts beware!

20. Barbarian 14: Your final level grabs you the final Beast barbarian feature, Call the Hunt. When you go into a rage, you can give a number of creatures equal to your constitution modifier the Reckless Attack feature, and advantage on saves against being frightened. Each creature that accepts this gift in return gives you 5 Temporary hit points. You can only give this to three creatures normally, but Wild Shape also swaps out your physical stats, so get creative.

Pros: 

You have a lot of attacks at a very low level, and you can go even lower if you swap the monk and druid levels around. Add in your reckless nature and brutal crits, and the other Tamamos will be your scratching post before too long.

You’re very fast, even in wild shapes, thanks to your Fast Movement, Feline Agility, and Unarmored Movement joining together for more speed than you’ll know what to do with.

You have a pretty good AC and a lot of health, which would normally make you pretty hard to kill. You can also switch into some pretty chunky wild shapes for even more toughness, just in case you never want to die.

Cons:

Just like Caligula, all your damage comes from your body, so flying enemies will cause you some problems.

Most of your stat improvements went into your Physical stats, which get swapped out the second you use a wild shape. This means your strongest defensive option is as good at level 6 as it will be at level 20, which just feels bad.

You don’t have a lot of Ki, so the worst of your rampages will get cut short pretty quickly. Thankfully you can take some catnaps between fights to get them back.

So yeah, hunt all night, sleep all day, and don’t be afraid to get a bit beastly.

Next up: Jenny from the Arc!

[one-boring-person]

Swear To It.

Paul (The Lost Boys) x reader

Warnings: angst, mention of injury

Context: this is sort of a continuation of my last Paul fic (Behave Yourself). Basically, the reader is on duty and has to separate a fight, only to figure out that one of the people involved is their very own boyfriend.

A/N: I feel like I've released a lot of Top Gun stuff recently, so I thought I'd get this out of my drafts, as is started this last week and haven't had time to finish it. I felt in the mood for some angst, so here we go 😂😅

Masterlist

The Boardwalk is unusually busy for a Tuesday night, the normally popular attractions and shops swarming with people, the rides crowded and unpleasant to go on, what with the sheer volume of people trying to get on at the same time, drunk and tipsy gaggles of teens causing insignificant havoc all over the place. A few older visitors have complained over the last hour, but, as always, we ignore them, knowing by now that most of then are exaggerating about the severity of the problems, trying to get the younger population to leave the Boardwalk to them. Thankfully we haven't had to break up many fights, though my chest still hurts from where some screaming girl elbowed me when I had to pull her away from her sobbing "friend", red welts lining my arm from where she managed to scratch at me, the otherwise unmarked skin stinging a little under my uniform shirt.

Having been told to continue my rounds, I pace slowly around the perimeter of the carousel, eyeing the throbbing crowd with a practised eye, taking in the rowdy surfers and punks gathered a little way away, their leaders apparently having an arguement; though I don't see it escalating any time soon, another security guard walking up to them to sort it out even as they start to break apart. Not much is audible over the tinny music and cacophony of voices, but I recognise the general gist of what is being said: we'll finish this later. I fight the urge to roll my eyes, instead focusing on a group of three teenagers surrounded by a cloud of blue smoke, the pungent odour clearly cannabis, joints pinched between shaking hands, their laughter lazy and drug-induced, one of them practically using the others as a crutch. Cracking my neck, I prepare to deal with them, intending to remind them that drug use is not quite legal in the presence of smaller children, hoping to advise them that there are better (more discreet) places to continue their fun. I go to walk over to them, only to be stopped by a sudden shout behind me, the sound oddly familiar.

Turning towards it, I notice a commotion starting near the ticket booth, where a group of curious onlookers has gathered around what I can only imagine is two unruly teens initiating a fight. I start to push my way through the crowds towards them, my pace hindered by the multitudes of people in my way, my urgency spiking as more shouts and curses follow the initial one, the audience starting to chant the word "fight" over and over again, as if they were still in high school, cheering and taunting accompanying the uproar as more of us security guards move in to break it up.

As I approach, I am greeted by a few elbows to the body, feet stamping on mine as I push through the hordes, the riled-up onlookers pushing together into a near impenetrable wall of bodies. Yelling at them all to move out of the way, I manage to force my way through, where I have to take a moment to realise who exactly it is causing chaos at this exact moment.

My eyes lock with David and Dwayne's across the newly formed circle briefly, at which point I take in that they're trying to force their brother off of the cursing rocker beneath him, Marko trying to hold back one of the victim's friends as he tries to escalate the situation. Ignoring the shouts and commands of his friends, Paul continues beating the hell out of the guy on the floor, obviously in a rage over something, fists flying in a relentless volley, despite the hands on his back holding him away. Shock and anger flood me at the sight, noticing that the rocker at his feet is covered in blood and bruises, one of his eyes already starting to swell up into an ugly purple colour, though he hasn't submitted yet, choosing instead to kick and scratch at any available body part he can reach, swearing profusely at the vampire.

Without another thought, I throw myself forwards, being the first guard on the scene, latching myself onto Paul's shoulder, hands propped against his chest as I force my way under his arm, knowing that the most leverage I'll get is if I'm underneath him pushing upwards and away from the other, who is currently punching at my back. I call out to them both, telling them to cut it out, knowing I can't really use Paul's name in case I give away our relationship, my muscles straining under the vampire's supernatural strength, struggling to push him away. After a minute or so, my words finally seem to sink in, the lanky blonde pulling away with a growl of frustration, a sick smirk of pride plastered over his face as he watches another security guard helping his victim to his feet, eyes flashing dangerously at the scent of fresh blood before they flick to me, realisation setting in as I give him a disgusted look. I turn to the others, ignoring my boyfriend completely.

"Get him out of here." I simply say to them, nodding appreciatively at them as they agree, the three of them moving to take Paul away from the Boardwalk, and away from me. Anger and frustration race through my veins as I stalk over to help the other guard with the battered rocker, my own body aching now from the blows it received, though I don't say anything as we carry the guy away from the crowd towards the small building we use as a place to store our stuff whilst at work.

An hour later, I'm dismissed, my feet dragging in exhaustion and dull anger as I trek home, my mind replaying the events of the shift in my head.

He knew I was working today. He knew and he started a fight anyway.

Frustrated sighs leave me every now and then as I walk, subconsciously finding my way back to my home, where a motorcycle is already waiting outside, the sight of which stirs up a feeling of dead and frustration. Ignoring it, I go to the door and unlock it, stepping inside and throwing my bag to the floor, taking my shoes and jacket off as I shuffle further into the hall, going straight to the stairs. Instead of going to my room, I enter the bathroom instead, quickly stripping and getting into the shower, knowing full well that the person I least want to see is somewhere in the house, and that he knows I'm annoyed at him. As the water runs down my body, I try to ignore the fact that I'm going to have to face him, focusing instead on the motions of cleaning myself, finding the actions soothing to do, working the knots out of muscles, wincing when my hands run over the newly formed bruises and welts on my skin.

I take around ten minutes, climbing out and drying off at a relatively slow pace, trying to relax myself in preparation for what is to come, finally wrapping the towel around myself before stepping out of the bathroom. Going to my room, I halt in my tracks when I catch sight of the lithe vampire sat on my bed, a deep frown etching itself onto my face.

"What do you want?" I grit out, turning my back as I go to my dresser, rooting around in my draws for some comfortable clothes, pulling out a shirt and trousers.

"I wanted to apologise for the fight. I didn't realise it was such a big deal for you, and I didn't mean to get into one tonight." Paul responds quietly, audibly standing and walking to stand behind me.

Bristling slightly, I clench my jaw at his words, a spark of anger flaring up in me.

"You know full well how I feel about people starting fights on the Boardwalk." I snap back at him, turning and pushing past him.

"Yeah, I know, but I never meant to get into a fight! I'm sorry!" He reasons, trying to follow me, only just realising that I'm not wearing any clothes.

"It's always the same, though. You didn't mean to start it, you didn't realise, blah blah blah. When is it ever going to change, Paul? I'm fed up with coming home beaten and bruised because I've had to separate people, and then to have to pry my own boyfriend away from someone? It's just not fair to me, and that's something that you don't seem to realise."

The vampire is silent for a moment, his blue eyes fixed on me, mind clearly working to form a response. I don't give him the time, striding forwards to push him out of the door, closing it in his face with some force. Turning, I sigh heavily, hating the hurt look that flashed across his face as I did so, swiftly changing into my more comfortable clothes and collapsing on the bed, my fists clenching in the duvet as I try to control myself, resisting the urge to open the door to him again.

For a little while, I remain there, sprawled on the bed with tears of exhaustion and frustration threatening to spill from my eyes, my anger fading a little until it's just a dull emotion clouding my mind. Internally, I consider quitting my job, considering the factors keeping me there: I'm good at my job, it pays well enough to afford basic needs and it's secure, though the factors pushing me away almost seem to have a greater affect on me - coming home bruised most nights, having to put up with rowdy Boardwalk goers, dealing with verbal and some physical abuse from some of the more raucous visitors. Sniffing, I curl myself up into a ball, barely registering as there is a knock on the window.

Looking over, I let out a sigh of frustration at the sight of Paul crouched on the ledge, his tall frame bent almost in two as he peers in at me, gesturing with one finger at the latch, expression almost desperate. I stare at him, thinking over the options in my head: I could leave him out there, or I can let him in to explain himself. It takes me a couple of minutes to decide, a frustrated growl leaving me as I stand up, my steps slow and calculated as I go to the window, watching as a small smile works it's way onto his handsome face. Approaching, I keep my expression neutral, reaching for the latch and flicking it open, turning instantly and walking back to my bed, where I sit with my eyes fixed on him.

Awkwardly, he forces himself through the window, relief evident in his expression as he finally stands up straight again and closes the makeshift door behind him, hands wringing together, as if fighting the urge to move forwards, body tense.

"Look, I'm really sorry, (Y/n). I wasn't aware that your job was so difficult, and I hate that I made it difficult for you tonight. I'm really sorry that you got hurt because of me, I feel really ashamed that it happened. I know I have to make it up to you somehow, so I hope you'll let me, because I really don't want to lose you! I'll do anything to keep you!" He finally says, voice pleading and laced with shame, teeth biting at his lip as he watches me for a reaction, welts appearing on his pale hands from where he's digging his fingers in.

Eyeing him, I think over what he's said, silently wondering whether or not to accept his apology, the anger within me spiking a little, though I swiftly suppress it again, sighing heavily as I stand up from the bed, having made a decision.

"I accept your apology, Paul, but I need you to understand that saying you're sorry is a different thing to showing me you're sorry. I know I got hurt tonight, but I'm not the only security guard that works there, and I'm sure they'd all rather they didn't come home with bruises every night. If you want to make it up to me, then you have to swear to me that you'll not get into another fight on the Boardwalk, and that you'll make sure the others understand that, too." I explain to him, referring to the rest of his coven, watching as his emotions seem to force themselves put over his face, a variety of odd expressions following my words. Finally, he seems to settle on relieved, eyes bright with happiness.

"Yes, of course I'll swear to that! I'll do anything, (Y/n), you mean too much to me to lose you!" Paul gushes, rushing forwards slightly, as if to bring me into a hug, only stopping as couple of inches away from me, hesitating.

"Do it, then. Swear to it." I prompt him, looking up into his face.

"I swear to you, that I won't start, or get into another fight on the Boardwalk. I swear it on my life." He promises, completely serious for once, meaning it's totally genuine.

"Good." I smile up at him, finally giving in to the urge I've had since I first walked in, stepping forwards to rest my head against his chest, my arms linking around his abdomen.

Happily, he wraps his own arms around me, crushing me against his body as he buries his face in my hair, his familiar scent enveloping me as we stand there. Perfectly content, we remain in place for what feels like hours, neither of us saying a word, just happy to be in each other's company for the time being, my body trying it's best to relax.

The rest of the night is spent cuddling together, neither of us wanting to be away from the other, Paul only leaving when he notices that the sun is close to coming up, cutting it fine as he always does. As he leaves, he promises me that he'll be waiting for me on the Boardwalk the next night, ready to help me deal with troublesome Boardwalk goers.

[random-mha-thoughts]

Worth (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x Reader

Genre: Angst/comfort

Request on my Wattpad: “I was wondering if you can do a Todoroki x wolf reader where the reader is depressed and bullied because of her quirk and her family knows about her wolf quirk and disowns like they think she a disgrace abuse her and doesn't want her and she feels so worthless she gets to a point where she feels not good enough and that she completely loses control of herself and turns into wolf or monster version wolf and Todorki he tries to help her I hope this makes sense and I hope it's ok”

Word count: 2,038

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ 

a/n: I’m not terribly happy with this, but it was a different kind of request, and I’m glad I did it.  If it’s cringey, I’m sorry, but I hope it meant something to someone.

Also even though the request indicated female pronouns, I didn’t really use any, so consider this gender neutral.  If anyone was wondering, I wanted the character to be kinda like Atsushi from Bungo Stray Dogs with the hair color and the personality, but also with wolf ears, so do with that info what you will.

I run through the dimly lit streets, tears streaking through my eyes as my heart pounds and chest heaves.  I don't know where I'm going, but I know I have to get out of this hell I call life.  Everything I thought I knew was a lie, I was the only person who didn't know it.

Tripping over my own feet, I finally tumble down a hill and land at the base of a tree, finally stopping my rabid movement, but it doesn't help my mind running five hundred miles a minute.  I turn in on myself, trembling as the darkness surrounds me, clawing at me the same way I grip my legs to my chest.

The image of my parents smiling together with my younger sister is the only thing I see behind my eyelids.  The last time I saw my family, there was nothing but turmoil and contempt.  All the times my sister pulled at my ears, locked me in a closet, and cut me up; all the times my parents punished me by having me sleep outside "like the dog I am" for the slightest misdemeanors.  They used to always argue, there was always screaming in my house.

My former house.

When I got into UA and we were forced to live in the dorms, my parents couldn't look happier.  In front of Aizawa and All Might, they contained the sheer joy they felt like the actors they are, and when my teachers left, they hurried to throw all of my things out the door.

"Finally, we can get rid of her!" they cheered.  I can only watch in horror as they pack all my stuff away before pulling me by the ear and setting me out next to my belongings.

"Don't ever come back!  From now on, you're on your own!"  That was the day I became an orphan.

My parents always had this vendetta against me because of my quirk.  They don't know where it came from, no one in our family even had one like me.  My dad used to always accuse my mom of having an affair with another man after she had me.  I don't know why he ever stayed, if he really believed that was true, but they both looked at me with contempt because of the quirk I shouldn't have.  And then I did the worst thing I could've done: I lost control one day.  When I was playing with my sister, I don't even remember why I got angry, but I bit her and scratched her.  The only person who loved me in that house suddenly became scared, and grew to hate me just as much.

School wasn't any better.  Everyone teased me for being the tamest wolf they've ever seen.

"I thought you were supposed to be scary, you're actually a huge wimp!"

"What kind of hero can you be when you can't even stop mumbling to yourself?"

The only reason I was so quiet is because I couldn't even raise my voice to assert myself in my house without being punished.  My parents were so scared of me losing control again that they put me down for getting the slightest bit aggravated, so I learned to just lay low and stay quiet.  And I couldn't stand up to my bullies for fear of being punished at home.

I'm so ashamed of my quirk.

Going to UA was a dream of mine.  It was my ticket to being able to use my quirk freely, so I can learn to control it to become a great hero.  But I quickly realized how weak I and useless I was in comparison to the other students.  Not being able to use my quirk at home took a toll on me, it was a miracle I even passed the entrance exam.

Today was particularly bad.  I didn't do well in quirk training today; I've been trying to partially manifest my quirk in some parts of my body to temporarily amplify my strength, but it's just not working.  Going for a walk in town to clear my head, I spotted my family out together, happy and smiling without me around.  And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I tremble to myself under the tree, pushing against the rough bark biting into my forehead.  They're so much better without me.  I was holding them back this entire time, I should've left years ago.

I'm a failure as a wolf.

What kind of wolf am I when I can't even use my quirk?

I'll never become a hero.

This is all because of my stupid quirk!

"Fuck everything!"  I don't even realize when I'd stood up and started punching the thick trunk.  Blood drips from my knuckles, my vision blurry from tears.  "You'll never be a hero!  You're a failure!  All you did was tear your family apart because of the stupid quirk you can't even use properly!  Idiot!  Stupid!  Weakling!  Dumbass!  Homewrecker!"

Fury rushes through me, the grayscale colors in front of me fuzzing together.  My arms grow in size suddenly, my punches boring a large hole the size of my head into the bark and my nails have grown.  Looking down, I'm farther off the ground, my clothes ripped to shreds on the grass, and teeth have grown into fangs.  The shadowed silhouette of a wolf figure on two legs presses against the ground behind me, cast by the light of the moon.  I scream, which sounds more like a gravelly growl into a howl.  My blood boils with all the anger built up over the past ten years, fueling this wolf form I've only taken twice in my entire life.

I catch a familiar scent in the distance, blood warming my body at the thought of fresh blood.

"(Y/n)!"  A voice screams from the top of the hill I rolled down as it runs towards me.  Once the owner closes in and notices what's going on, he stops short, gawking up at my form.

I snarl, crouching down as if getting ready to strike.  My rage blinds me, only guiding myself by the smell of my prey as the shadows blur.

"(Y/n)," he repeats, more carefully this time, "Calm down, it's me.  I won't harm you."

My fangs bare at the boy.  I'm ready to take my anger out on anyone, friend or foe.  I stalk towards him.  No one's my friend, I'm all alone.

He takes a step back.  "It's me, Todoroki!  Get ahold of yourself!"

Shoto?

I grit my fangs at myself, clawing at the ground to keep myself from attacking him despite the rage instinct telling me to attack.  It hurts to fight, but I need to protect him.  He can't turn out like her.

"I believe in you, (Y/n)!  I know you can fight it!"

Another piercing howl screeches out of my mouth, overwhelming my head with painfully conflicting emotions.

"Try to breathe."  Shoto's voice calms down.  "Relax and breathe."

I loosen my tightened jaw and fists, smoke starting to come out of my nose in grunts.  I imagine it being my anger escaping out of me.  Feeling myself deflate, despair sets back in.  I almost hurt him.  I crouch down as my body shrinks back to normal, hugging my knees to my chest.  I'm physically and mentally burnt out, too numb to feel my emotions but I know they're still there.

Shoto approaches me, slipping his oversized denim jacket over my naked form.  "Are you alright?  Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I should be asking you that," I sigh, too tired to get up.  The wind brushes my skin and I clutch the jacket closed, slipping my arms through the sleeves.  "I almost attacked you, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, kneeling down in front of me.  "It's fine.  Why are you out here alone anyway?"

"I...saw something.  And I just took off running and I got here."  I rub my temples with my hand to ease an oncoming headache.  "Things just got overwhelming, but I'm okay now."

Shoto's mouth sets into a line.  "You're not okay.  You haven't turned into a wolf since you were eight, not even in training.  You must have been extremely distressed."

I shrink into myself.  "I don't want to talk about it..."

His bi-colored eyes rest on me, but he doesn't push the matter further.  "You look exhausted, let me carry you."  He squats down in front of me.  "Get on my back."

I'm happy he's much bigger than me, his jacket manages to cover everything down mid-thigh even while I'm on his back.  My arms hang loosely from his shoulders as he hikes up the hill and back to the main road.  It seems I ended up in a park near the town.  The streetlamps light the sidewalk, people staring at us as we walk by, but I'm too tired to care.

"Do you think it would calm you down to visit your parents?" Todoroki asks modestly.  "Or maybe you can go get some clothes-"

"My parents won't want to see me, let's just go back to school," I interject feebly.  A fresh set of tears threaten to fill my eyes.

He doesn't question it, continuing to walk as his gentle rocking pace persists.

"I'm surprised you aren't running away from me," I mumble as we reach the road going up the mountain to UA.  "I almost killed you."

"I know you wouldn't, I have faith in you."

I close my eyes, leaning against the side of his head.  "I'm so ashamed you had to see me like that.  I probably looked like a monster."

"Aside from the danger you posed in the moment, I think you looked...majestic."

My eyes fly open and I tense, waiting for him to elaborate.  How could he possibly think that about me?

"Your fur matches the gray of your hair, gleaming in the moonlight.  It looked soft enough to touch, all the way down to your tail.  But your ice blue eyes were my favorite.  Once you calmed down, they were practically glowing.  I'd like to see you like that more often, once you've trained enough of course."

My heart quickens at his compliments, heat rushing to my cheeks.  "Thank you, Sh-Shoto.  Though, I don't know when exactly I'll even get to that point."

He's silent for a moment, his steady rhythm continuing up the path.  "I've known you for a while, (Y/n), since we were younger.  I know I've never been much help with you and people teasing you for being weak, but I want you to know that you're not weak.  Obviously, you have a lot of emotional baggage with your family, and it's trickled into your own inner demons.  You should know that you're strong for dealing with it on your own all this time, but you should find family elsewhere.  I know you're stuck, but make your own family of people you care about, and - when you're ready - confide in them about your problems, they'll be there to help you.  I'm here to help you."

Tears silently roll down my cheek, but I don't want to wipe them and call attention to it, so I rest my chin on his shoulder.  "Do you think...my quirk is good, Shoto?"

"Of course I do," he answers without missing a beat.  "It's your's to use as you wish.  I know you'll use it to become a great hero someday."  His footsteps stop and he gently puts me down to face me.  "You're a good person, (Y/n).  Your quirk is an extension of yourself, and I know you'll use it for the benefit of others, even if you've probably made mistakes in the past."  His thumbs gently rub the wetness from my face.  "And nobody should tell you otherwise."

I lean into his touch, my eyes flying open when he presses his lips to my forehead.  His mismatched eyes bore into mine, glistening under the dim lights of the streetlamps and the moon.  My heart pounds at the amount of pure affection he's showering me with, it makes me want to cry even more.

"I'll be there to support you every step of the way."

[hermit-pistol]

stubborn (oldseph x reader)

anonymous asked:  why hello there! i'd like to request a part 3 joseph x reader where the reader is a crusader and joseph's always trying to protect her, but she's always trying to prove herself to him and then they fall in love! thank you so much my joseph fan friend!

Oldseph is literally the light of my life, okay. I don’t usually write super long stuff like this but I was so moved because Oldseph. Here ya go! 

You had never guessed that you would find yourself in this situation: traveling the middle east with a few grown men and a couple of high school students thrown in for good measure.

The dynamic was a bit awkward at first, to say the least. While you were in your mid-twenties and were capable of handling yourself, being surrounded by men always had its downsides.

They always thought that you needed protection, which wasn't true in the slightest. You knew what you were getting into when accepting the offer of defeating DIO once and for all. You even had a stand of your own. Yet, it was always "You should stay out of this, Y/N." or "It's dangerous to go there alone. Let me come with you."

It drove you insane, to say the least.

You've told the other crusaders countless times that you were okay and they left you to your own devices. Except for one. Joeseph Joestar.

He had to be the most stubborn man that you've met in your entire life. After your pleading and constant requests to leave you be, he would still watch you like a hawk all day every day.

Although you had to admit that you found his dedication to you quite flattering. Or...maybe you just craved the attention. You couldn't be sure.

Today was another hectic day, with the gang chasing after another enemy stand user that went by the name of Hol Horse. Just a few short moments ago he had shot your beloved comrade Avdol point-blank. After cornering him; however, the slippery cowboy had evaded their grasp. Luckily they wasted no time chasing him down, and they were quickly closing the distance.

"Get back here! I'll kill you for what you did to Avdol!" Polnareff shouted, Silver Chariot attempting to stab at his heels. Hol Horse had now begun shooting with Emporer at the sand, creating a cloud of dust that had made it hard enough to see just about anything. "Shit!" It was later discovered that Chariot's rapier was stabbing at nothing.

"You'll never take me alive!" Hol Horse had begun shooting like a madman now in a desperate attempt at escape. You had kept up with the rest of the bunch this whole time, but Joseph wasn't having any of it.

"Y/N. You have to stay behind me." He glanced back at you to see that you were following his careful orders. You could feel your blood beginning to boil.

"Excuse you? I can take care of myself, thank you very much." Your stand expertly deflected the stray bullets that were flying here and there. Joseph used his Hermit Purple to create a net around you, lifting you off of the ground.

"Hey, what the- you've got to be kidding me right now..." you were now suspended above the sandy terrain, your stand trying to free you from the vine's grasp. It was no use, as Joseph used a spark of Hamon to keep your quest for freedom at bay.

"Sorry Y/N, I know that you're mad. But Hol Horse isn't taking any chances. He's gone crazy, and we can't risk losing you."

You slumped to the bottom of the makeshift net, the sounds of gunfire still ringing in your ears. The statement really should have been: 'I can't risk losing you' at this point. All of the other crusaders have respected your wishes, but Joseph always went that extra mile to make sure that you were protected and safe. Maybe it wasn't all bad, but you figured that another talk with the old man would just do more harm than good at this point.

A couple of minutes had gone by, with you still trapped in your makeshift prison. It was only when you heard the screams of a certain cowboy that you stood up and leaned lightly against the thorny wall.

Hol Horse had finally been caught. Kakyoin was interrogating him about DIO's whereabouts while Jotaro's Star Platinum had him in a chokehold. "Please, please lemme go! I'll tell ya where Mr. DIO is!" He cried, and Joseph let out a low rumble of a laugh. It was strangely...attractive?

"You really think that we're gonna let you go, huh?" He removed his hat to scratch his head. You watched him run his hands through his salt and pepper locks, and from your practically-aerial view, it looked particularly soft?

No....you were not getting feelings for Joseph Joestar. 69-year-old Joseph Joestar. This can't be happening.

Hol Horse was having none of Joseph's teasing. "Please, I'll do anything!" He pleaded. Joseph looked over to Kakyoin, who looked to Jotaro and so on and so forth. No one looked at you, still trapped in vines. You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the idiotic display.

While everyone was exchanging glances to decide what to do, you were the only one who had noticed Hol Horse reaching into his boot. He had something up his sleeve. "Guys, he's got a-!" you tried to shout out to reach the others, but it was no use.

There was an extra gun stashed away that had been neglected in the patdown after his capture. He shot at the sand once more and then ran as if his life depended on it...which it certainly did.

Jotaro pointed in his direction, ready to send Star Platinum into a frenzy. Kakyoin stopped him before he could begin his assault. "It's not worth it, Y/N was the only one who could have possibly prevented that escape from happening." Joseph began to turn around and walk back to where they had thrown their supplies before Kakyoin could call him out. "Now where do you think you're going?"

"Ah, me?" He instinctively put his hand on the back of his neck. "I was just getting a drink! Was probably gonna grab something for Y/N too." He gave a thumbs up.

"Why am I still trapped in his hellhole?" You yelled down to the group. Joseph quickly released his Hermit Purple and you were safely brought back to the ground. "You are so thick. What makes you think that I can't take care of myself, huh?" Out of frustration, your hand had rested itself upon your hip.

"I was just trying to protect you!" He threw up his hands in defense. "That Hol Horse guy is crazy-"

"You wanna know what's crazy? Taking me out of the chase and lifting me into the sky so I wouldn't be in harm's way." You bit your lip in order to avoid saying something that you would later regret.

Before things could get more heated, Polnareff was the one who finally decided to break the tension. "I think that everyone is just tired since we've been out in the sun all day. Tensions are still high from the loss of Avdol, agreed?" Everyone gave a solemn nod. Losing their friend that day had taken a toll on all of them, Polnareff especially.

"He does have a point," Jotaro spoke, folding his arms. "Today's been a rough day for us all. And to top it all off...I'm starving..."

"Me too..." You couldn't deny the sounds that your stomach was making. All of that rage and aggressive towards Joseph had made you work up quite the appetite.

"I've got a great idea! Let's go somewhere special for dinner tonight. To make up for what I did to Y/N." Joseph gave a grin. It made your anger dissipate almost immediately, but you would never let him have the satisfaction of knowing that. "Even better, I'll pay!"

"Fine, but only because you're paying..." You grumbled as you gathered the rest of your earlier confiscated belongings from the heap of supplies on the ground. At least you were being treated to a good meal. ---- After arguing for a solid 30 minutes about where to eat for the night, you all had finally decided on a steakhouse. Even though they were in India, Joseph had insisted on sampling a classic "American" burger because he was feeling homesick.

The waitress that ushered you in was very polite, and soon the 5 of you were settled into a booth, with you and Joseph sitting on one side, and Kakyoin, Polnareff, and Jotaro sitting on the other.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" The uncomfortably jovial waitress asked around the table and just wrote down a little scribble here and there.

When it was finally your turn, you asked for an iced tea. But not before being cut off by Joseph who insisted that water was the better choice. Thankfully, the booth was so cramped that you could dig your elbow into his side, making him howl with pain. "I'm so sorry about that. If I could get an iced tea that would be great!"

When the woman was out of earshot. Joseph turned to you, still rubbing his side with his prosthetic hand. It accidentally brushed against you, and the chill of the cool metal sent shivers down your spine. "Now, what was that about!"

"I can order a damn beverage for myself, Joseph."

"Someone could have poisoned the iced tea and we don't even know!" He raised his eyebrows along with his voice.

"I'm done fighting. Let's just finish this dinner and find a hotel...I'm exhausted." You sighed, resting your read on the table. Even though you couldn't see it, you could practically feel Joseph's eyes on you.

The rest of the dinner continued in silence. Everyone stared at their plates when the food came out, and so far the only interaction that had occurred during their outing besides the outbursts from Joseph was when Polnareff started choking on his burger.

"This is what I get for eating American food..." He managed between coughs.

"A rather silent bunch tonight, aren't we-" Kakyoin eventually broke the silence, reaching across the table for the ketchup bottle.

"I just don't really feel like talking, that's all." You answered, just pushing around the leftover food on your plate. In reality, you were just trying to process these newly-surfaced feelings for Joseph. You must have been so spaced out that he noticed.

"Hey, space cadet!" He waved his hand in front of your face, causing you to snap out of it. "You okay, Y/N? You've been acting awfully strange."

You could feel a blush creeping up on your features, so you attempted to cover your face. "I-it's nothing, really. I just- haven't eaten beef in a while and it's upsetting my stomach, that's all!" Really? Like he would believe that.

"I've got some medicine in my bag I can give to ya when we're back at the hotel. I don't want you to be in pain." Curse him for caring about you!

"I'll be okay, let's just get out of here." Joseph shrugs and calls the waitress over to bring the check. The rest of the restaurant outing goes smoothly, you guys even got the fancy mints! You each pitched in for the tip, despite protests from Joseph, and made your way back into the stifling desert air.

The hotel check-in was a relatively painless process as well, Jotaro and Kakyoin had decided to room together, and Polnareff offered to share a room with Joseph. That left you with your own room for the night.

Since you usually traveled in even numbers, finally having a room to yourself for once was pretty nice. Although, you wished that it could have been under different circumstances. When you entered your single suite you all but ran to the bed, throwing your bags on the ground. The soft sheets welcomed you and lulled you into a deep sleep.

That was until you were woken up from your precious slumber by a sharp knock at the door.  

You checked your phone, seeing that only a couple hours had passed since you had checked in and bid the rest of the group goodnight. Looking out the window, you could tell that the sun had already set, giving way to a night sky accompanied by a slight breeze. Nights in the desert could be pleasant sometimes.

"Coming!" You shouted, looking in the mirror quickly to make sure that you didn't look like a complete and utter mess. After giving yourself the once over you peered into the peephole to see Joseph. He was clutching a bag and some water. 'Oh yeah, the medicine.'

You opened the door, and he gave you a wide smile. "Good evening! I came to bring you that medicine. And I got some water too!" He playfully shook the bottle in his hand. What a goofball.

"That's very sweet of you, Joseph." You felt the corners of your lips tug upward, threatening to form a smile. God, you couldn't deny how charming he was. "Why don't you come inside."

"Okay, if you insist!" He stepped across the threshold and shut the door carefully behind him. He handed you the medicine and water and walked across the room to sit on your bed. "I see that you already broke this bad boy in." He gestured to the sheets, which had still been rustled from your nap.

"Yeah, I was exhausted after everything that happened today." You decided to be bold and sit down on the bed next to him. He almost flinched a little when he felt the bed covers dip beside him. Was Joseph Joestar getting a little flustered?

"Y/N, now that we're here. I actually have something else to tell you." The grip on your water bottle tightened, and you took a shaky swig.

"Oh yeah, what's that? You finally want to apologize for all those times that you got in my way?" You tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible.

"No, actually. I find myself doing those things because I can't stand to live in a world without you. I really you Y/N-" The last sentence came out a little rushed, but your eyes went wide.

You were holding the water bottle so tightly at this point that it was a bit uncomfortable. Being taken aback by the confession, you just sat in silence for a bit. Finally, after a few seconds of unbearable quiet, you spoke up. "Well, that explains a lot actually."

"It does, doesn't it." Joseph moved a little closer to you, now gently holding your free hand. "I don't mean to sound like a bother to you, but I just can't stand to see you hurt. I know that you are probably more than a little uncomfortable with the age difference, anybody would be but-" You cut off his rambling with a quick kiss.

You giggled as you watched his face turned red. He was completely speechless for once. "You really need to learn when to shut up sometimes. I've been denying my feelings for too long as well. It's about time that I was completely honest with myself."

"You- you really feel the same way?" Joseph was absolutely bewildered at this point, for he was not expecting this response. You nodded your head in response.

"But, from now on if this is gonna work out, you gotta let me off the leash a little. Or else I'll have to... tickle you or something." You set your water bottle on the nearby nightstand and stood up.

"Empty threats, empty threats I say." Joseph blew a raspberry. He also stood up, and you noticed the size difference between the two of you. His tallness was insanely attractive, to the point where it wasn't fair. "Well, I better get going."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, it gets lonely here at night." You shot him a pleading look, slapping the covers where he once sat.

He walked over to you and picked you up, your legs were now wrapped around his giant torso. "You would like that, wouldn't you." Your lips were dangerously close to touching, but he decided not to close the distance, much to your dismay.

"Well, it sounds like a good idea to me." Your arms were draped around the back of his neck. They reached up to play with his hair, and you cherished the feeling of his soft strands. 'His hair really is that soft...'

"You're gonna have to let me grab my clothes then, I'm not sleeping in these." He was still wearing his daily attire.

You slid off of him reluctantly. 'I guess I'll let you go then. Don't take too long."

"No promises!" He teased, exiting your room, leaving you to shut the door behind him. You leaned against the door before closing it, admiring his retreating assets. 

After shutting the door, you leaned against it and smiled. That was quite the unexpected turn of events. At least you found out the reason behind Joseph's constant nagging, and quite honestly you wouldn't have it any other way.

[medea10]

Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

…

At least there was SOME anime this year.

…

Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

…

Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

[sodone-withlife]

i lost a friend (i lost my mind)

Criminal Minds Fic Part One

| PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 |

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: character death, canon-typical violence, mental instability (I’m reluctant to name a specific disorder or condition)

Notes: cross-posted on Ao3, and this was my first whumpfic in this fandom so forgive me if it sucks. this is canon-compliant until after 12.01 The Crimson King

everyone has a breaking point. especially those who have been at war with the demons in their mind for their entire life.

“Hotch? There’s a lead… ” Rossi knocked on the door of the office he had taken over in the station, having come to let him know of a new lead they got on the child abduction-murder case they had been working on for the past three days in Colorado, only to pause in the doorway. Instead of seeing him wide-awake and sitting at the desk with the case file and piles of paperwork spread around him, the senior profiler was treated to the sight of the unit chief pacing around the room and twisting his hands, a nervous tic he usually hid and rarely gave into.

His concern grew as he took note of the phone that was tossed unceremoniously onto the ground and the papers that were strewn all over the floor and desk. He went to close the blinds to give them some privacy.“What happened?”

The unit chief stopped pacing but didn’t respond, only placing his hands on the edge of the desk and hunching over, trembling and breathing heavily.

“Aaron?”

He looked up, the pure terror clear in his eyes causing an icy, foreboding feeling to creep up Rossi’s spine.

“Jack collapsed at school.”

A bolt of understanding shot through Rossi. He walked into the room, taking a closer look at the panicking father (—he wasn’t the hardass unit chief right now, he was a single father who had no other biological family left apart from his son, who he almost lost to the machinations of a madman—) when he noticed the shaking arms, clearly struggling to support his weight. He made it to him just in time to prevent him from crashing to the ground as his legs gave out.

Rossi held his shaking form, allowing him to try and gather his bearings. Hotch took a shuddering breath in. “Jessica called me about ten minutes ago, the reception’s been really bad and apparently she’s been trying to reach me all day…Jack’s in the hospital right now. They think—” he swallowed, voice breaking. “They think it’s because of the pulmonary valve anomaly he was born with.”

Hotch looked up at Rossi, eyes glassy as he rambled on. “The doctors said he’d probably never have to worry about it much, especially with how well he dealt with the stress of—” his breath hitched and he looked down, unable to force the words out of his mouth. The older agent knew what he was talking about immediately and held him tighter, trying to give him some measure of comfort.

“You should head back,” Rossi said firmly. “Jack needs you more than we do.” He was surprised to feel him shaking his head.

“Oh, believe me, I’d be on my way to the airstrip right now if I could,” he let out a bitter laugh, “but the unit is already facing more budget cuts, I can’t—I won’t—take the jet. Besides,” he cut off his protest, “no sane pilot would fly in this weather, not even for a father whose child might be dying for all he knew—” he choked out, squeezing his eyes shut as a few tears slipped out.

Rossi internally raged at all the deities he could think of for putting his former protégé—practically his surrogate son—through the works. First, he had lost his marriage, then lost Haley to a psychopath obsessed with making his life hell. Not even a year had gone by after that when he had to fake a teammate’s death and accepted a laborious assignment on the other side of the globe in order to cope with the secrets. Then came Foyet’s return from the grave via his torn internal adhesions, Mr. Scratch, the DOJ fiasco, and now this—

Hotch suddenly stood up, having regained tight control over the storm inside. “You said we had a lead?” he asked, his affect completely transforming as he moved to tidy the room.

Had Rossi not known Hotch for as long as he had, he wouldn’t have been able to pick the stress out of his standard clipped tone or the tension that was coiled in his upper body. He stood up and gave him a look behind his back, sighing when he remained unwaveringly silent as he waited for an answer.

Rossi knew there was no point in trying to force Hotch to stay, well aware of his history with being rendered helpless and unable to do anything while a loved one was in danger. “Yeah, one of the parents got an angry phone call from an unknown caller, and you know Garcia set up the trap-and-trace a few hours ago…”

~~~

The team immediately noticed something was off when Hotch and Rossi walked into the conference room half an hour later than they’d expected. The concern grew even more as they noticed their unit chief being more short-tempered and single-mindedly focused than usual—which really was saying something, as he had always pushed himself and the team harder when children were involved.

When they turned to look at Rossi in the rare moment that Hotch wasn’t there for a few moments, however, they only got a serious shake of his head. This and the unit chief’s transformation into Mr. Hyde prevented them from expressing any verbal concern in front of him.

The profiling team spent the next hour trying to maintain a stable connection with Garcia through repeated power shutdowns. The two hours after that was spent outside in the darkness and snowstorm, working with local law enforcement raiding the house Garcia had tracked the call to.

They got there just in time to save the child from dying of hypothermia after being buried in the snow as the other two victims had been just prior to their death. Hotch went after the fleeing unsub with Reid while the others stayed behind to comfort the child and accompanied them on the (thankfully) short drive to the local hospital.

By the time the whole team came back together, the storm had died down and the sun was rising. All too eager to leave the horrific case and weather behind them, it took no longer than twenty minutes for them to be packed and on the way to the airstrip.

The profilers were reminded of Hotch’s strange behavior, however, when they noticed his hands were clenched on the steering wheel and his stoic expression starting to give way to stress as he sped towards the airstrip—that Rossi was busy shooting worried looks at him also added to their suspicions.

On the plane, they watched as Hotch got up to take a call, only to return looking paler than he had been before. He clutched his phone tightly between his hands, rubbing at his knuckles in some measure of self-comfort while trying to control the storm of emotions he was struggling to hold back.

After a few minutes, Rossi went to sit opposite Hotch in the corner. He didn’t say anything, just observed Hotch as he resolutely avoided looking at the other profiler in favor of looking outside the window.

“I’ve called ahead,” Rossi began in an undertone, knowing the man could hear him. “There’s going to be a car right where we land, and I will be driving you straight to the hospital.”

Hotch flicked a scathing look at him. “I can drive myself,” he snapped.

“You are in no condition to drive,” Rossi retorted, raising his voice over his protests, “without harming yourself or others. Jack needs you alive, not wrapped around a pole somewhere along the way to the hospital!”

The silence that was in the jet was deafening as Rossi belatedly realized that the others had heard him and were trying to act as if they weren’t eavesdropping. Hotch looked away from the older profiler, who was looking at him apologetically; there was a moment of silence.

“I don’t know what I’d do if he—” he trailed off, not wanting to think about the worst. Pain and fear broke through his weakened barriers and showed plainly in his expression. “I can’t lose him.”

He had felt the team’s eyes on him from the moment he stepped out of that office at the promise of a new lead, and he could feel them on him now. While normally he would have shot them a look to get them to stop, right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care as the statistics remained the forefront thought in his mind.

Hotch was all too ready to leave the plane when they landed after two hours of tense silence and worried looks. True to what Rossi said, there was indeed a car waiting for them next to the plane. Hotch didn’t bother grabbing his go-bag, only taking his smaller work bag before practically sprinting out of the plane, Rossi following close behind. The team was left watching the car speed away, worry about their unit chief and the boy who had grown up around the BAU weighing heavily on their minds.

~~~

Hotch was back in his office the next morning as if nothing had happened—only something had definitely happened, as he was even more closed off, colder than he had ever been before. Any attempts to get him to open up about what had happened were rebuffed, even with Reid and Rossi’s individual cajoling attempts. The attempts lessened by the next week with a sudden influx in requests for consultation, and they completely died down when new leads on the escaped serial killers came to light.

They all noticed, however, how their unit chief remained closed off, how he was more single-mindedly focused on the job than he’d ever been before—which was really saying something.

Things almost came to a head two months after the child murder case when they had a married victim who was leaving behind a husband and a stage 4 cancer-ridden child. Hotch had taken the lead in talking to the husband and came out advising that he be surveilled, glaring at the weakly protesting officer until the officer finally conceded and agreed to put him on watch.

The unit chief then completely threw himself into finding the unsub, barely stopping for coffee and bathroom breaks as he analyzed the crimes over and over again, creating and tossing theory after theory. It took Rossi and Luke’s manhandling and JJ’s mothering to get him back to the hotel as the clock ticked towards midnight on Night 1.

Sleep was clearly the last thing on his mind that night, however, as he came back into the station the next morning looking as haggard as ever with what must have been his tenth cup of coffee in the past twenty-four hours held tightly in his hand.

They all breathed an internal sigh of relief when a lucky break in the case led them right to the unsub later that day; they managed to take him into custody and the team was in the air by sunset, all settling in for a quiet flight.

About an hour in, Hotch moved from his seat in the front corner to the back of the plane to take a call. The rest of the team, preoccupied with their relatively quiet poker game, didn’t try to eavesdrop.

The team was pulled out of their focus a few minutes later when out of nowhere, a muffled thump came from the plane bathroom, followed by Hotch brushing past them and sitting heavily in his seat. The profilers exchanged unsure, worried glances—Hotch rarely, if ever, lost his cool—and stared back at the man, who had broken the blank facade he had maintained over the past few months and was hunched over the table, head in his hands.

Feeling the eyes on him, Hotch sighed. “That was Garcia,” he said, rubbing his face before leaning back.

“The kid succumbed to the cancer today, and his father was found in the house,” he swallowed, looking up at the ceiling. “There was a gun in his hand and a bullet entry wound on the roof of his mouth.”

The plane’s machinery became the only noise filling the air. No one moved as each profiler turned inward and digested the information. Their thoughts turned to a sinking realization when they remembered Hotch telling the locals to watch the father—the unit chief must have seen this possibility when he was talking with him.

The rest of the plane ride was spent in subdued silence as they slowly drifted away from the poker group they had formed in the center, turning to their personal methods of self-comfort.

Hotch immediately sent the profilers home for some time off after they landed, ordering them to not think about the BAU for that time. They complied without protest, going home to process and take comfort in what they had.

They wouldn’t learn until much later about how Hotch had stayed behind, trying to do as much in regards to what’s required in the aftermath of a field case for the team as possible. How Rossi had stayed in the office with him, knowing that there was no way that he was going home before he got work done.

How he stayed at Rossi’s place for the next two weeks—even after the team returned to work—because he wasn’t sure if his surrogate son would be making it out of his apartment alive.