#you gave me perfect chance to rant about these topics

[just-emerald-star]

My Thoughts on James Somerton [RANT]

Before I begin this post, I highly recommend watching Hbomberguy's new video about Plagiarism. It's the main reason I'm discussing James right now & it provides a more detailed breakdown of what he did.

So for those of you unaware, Queer YouTuber James Somerton has recently been revealed to be a full on plagiarist, having done so for SEVERAL of his videos and isn't exactly the nicest to other queer creatives in the same video essay field as him. Got it? Good. Again, watch the vid.

Upon watching the video and learning about what James did, I was in such shock. My eyes widened. I had begun to see other essayists I follow "feel vindicated" about him being called out. Unbeknownst to me, it's the second part of the video where he's called out.

Having finished the video, I'm not angry. No, I'm PISSED. When one of my best/trusted friends recommended James' videos to me back in 2021, I was immediately hooked. I was inspired by him to further my own craft as a queer video essayist at the time.

To now learn that James is nothing more than a plagiarist who steals other people's content and doesn't even have an original thought to begin with? I'm hurt by this. In my rant video about queer rep, I referenced & linked one of his videos.

I can't even look at this video anymore. I don't even make essays anymore but I can't even look at one of my favorite essays in good faith anymore cuz the man I referenced may have plagiarized in said video I referenced. Do you have any idea how angry I am about this??

In a time where it's getting harder to be openly queer and to not feel scared by literally everything around me, James was that light in darkness that gave me hope. A queer creator who seem to be well-spoken and knew his shit. Come to find out that was never the case. I feel betrayed. He was the sole reason I kept making video essays in 2022. I almost stopped after The Glass Scientist vid but kept going cuz his vids inspired me to keep pushing to be a better creator. I donated money to his fucking production company. I was even one of his patrons for a short period of time. I left the patreon after he got into two different conflicts that pushed me away for the second half of 2022. He made some...not so great comments about Beyonce and her place as a queer icon.

And then he made a whole stink about not being a creator on Nebula. These two reasons, among other minor things, are what pushed me away from James for a good 6-8 months. I only returned to his content literally last month. Last. Fucking. Month. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could give him one more chance. His video on Red, White & Royal Blue was great...and then we get to Hbomber's vid...where apparently he plagiarized in that one too. I was suffering from second-hand embarrassment as Hbomber clocked everything James plagiarized and all of them happen to be videos I watched or took a look at. I felt cheated, betrayed and hurt. Cuz I thought James, at the very least, came up with his own shit. And as someone who works very fucking hard to write/rewrite their own works to near perfection & and takes writing very seriously, I was pissed off. I'm still pissed off now. I got sleep but struggled to stay awake cuz this was weighing on my brain. To now know that James is nothing more than thief who can't write his own shit, I'm disappointed. I pointed to him as one of my inspirations to push for more queer rep. No, he's not the reason I made Roomies...thank fuck for that. He didn't taint my one good thing. On the topic of Roomies, which has a lot of queer POC, I now question if he actually gave a fuck about other queer poc that didn't benefit him for a video. Cuz if we're gonna keep it a buck, most of his queer analysis has been mostly about yt folks. And let's not forget how this man regularly shat on women, both queer & straight. I know there's a discussion to be had about gay men being fetishized, but looking at it now, his views on women in general seem to be very...narrow-minded.

To wrap this up, I no longer support nor stand by James Somerton. Easy thing to do since I barely got back into his shit last month. To say I'm disappointed in you is a fucking understatement. No amount of apologizing is gonna fix this shit.

Good riddance.

[mondscheinprinzessin]

random Niko/Joel shortfic

“…fight for power when one singer wants the spotlight more than the other- I can’t read this anymore.” Niko said in a loud voice, obviously annoyed, ripping Joel out of his daydreams. “This is stupid, what do they know about us? We’ve had our fights yes, but never about who wants to be the front person - there is no main singer in this band, when will they understand this and stop writing needless articles about our possible future break-up, none of these scenarios will happen.”

Surprisingly well-aimed, Niko threw the magazine in the bin next to the small table under the TV, and with a big sigh fell backwards on the bed behind him.

Joel, who had been following the end of the scene with his eyes instead of that random instagram reel on his phone, had to smile a little. It wasn’t the first time they had this talk within the band, and while Joel was known to go on rants on every topic possible, Niko was right behind him in getting furious when the media outlets speculated about their dynamics and “sudden” band accomplishments.

Also, Joel couldn’t deny that it was hot seeing Niko spitting flames. His long hair in waves around him as if controlled by his voice, green eyes lightning up, and his body size doubling with heated words.

With one long stride, Joel lay down next to Niko, the small hotel bed not giving the chance to leave much space between them, but Joel was happy enough about this fact since it gave him the perfect excuse last night to fall asleep on Niko’s chest.

Right now though he perched his head on his own hands, watching Niko’s face, holding back words in favour of smiling at him. Red cheeks were luring his fingers to stroke them but he retained from touching his boyfriend for the minute.

“What?” Niko asked, less upset now, but with a crease between his brows still. “What’s so funny about it? All they want is to see us fall when we’ve worked so hard for this. But no, they want to watch us ripping ourselves apart as if we’re lions trapped in a cage for the amusement of everyone around us.”

Not able to hold back any longer, Joel half fell, half rolled onto Niko and kissed his path up his neck to his mouth.

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” He said and dodged the hand that wanted to slap him away.

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not! I just gave you a compliment.”

Niko grumbled but then his face softened. “You’re right, they can all kiss my ass. They don’t know how happy I am, and it’s sad that’s all they can write about us.” His green eyes found Joel’s and one of his hands lifted to slip his hair behind his ear, lingering to trace a finger down his jaw. “I never want to fight you about our position, you know that right?” His voice was soft now as if afraid to broach the subject again.

Joel was aware that everyone in the band knew about this insecurity of his because it did spark conflicts in the past, but not because Niko really did try to shove Joel out, but because Joel was afraid it could happen eventually after he failed too many times. Over the time he had learned and understood and accepted that none of the guys wanted to do this without him, and particularly Niko wouldn’t try to vote Joel out. After all, he loved him.

That’s why Joel answered assured, “I know.”

“I don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore. I don’t fucking care what anyone else would say about that. You’re part of who I am now, the most important piece of me.”

Now that’s the Niko Joel knew. The poetic, love declaring man that still managed to make Joel blush with his words and left him speechless, which was not easy to achieve.

Joel buried his face into Niko’s neck to hide his face and grin of happiness, a warm feeling spreading through him, and he would’ve loved to stop time to prolong this moment, to let go of the knowledge that they would have to go up soon for soundcheck. Right now he only wanted to bathe in Niko’s love, stay in their little bubble a while longer.

“Don’t say something like that.” He said nevertheless, still embarrassed whenever Niko directed such lovely words towards him no matter how much Joel enjoyed them. He just couldn’t get used to it and didn’t know how to behave.

“Too late. I love you, nothing you can do about that.”

“We will see about that.” Joel replied, the grin having turned into a smirk, his hands slowly creeping up Niko’s side and his fingers immediately tickling over his skin once he saw his chance.

“Don’t you dare!” Was all Niko could bring out before he was lost in laughter and tried to fight Joel off.

[gentlegentian]

I feel like the true cruelty of the lan sect is a really overlooked topic in the mdzs fandom, because when you think about it...

they practically forced madam lan into marriage so she wouldn't be executed because she killed one of her teachers, but gave her no trial or chance to explain why, and once she was married they simply locked her away and that was that. qingheng-jun then locked himself into seclusion once he had a kid and that was that, had no business with the rest of the sect and left xichen and wangji to grow up alone.

not to mention the fact that wangji even being born is suspicious... xichens conception makes sense, as they would've needed a sect heir, but wangji? how would he have been concieved, if madame lan was trapped away and qingheng-jun was in seclusion. either this is a plot hole im looking way too deep into or theres something darker happening there

in any case, the twin jades most likely did not have a good childhood. like at all. their father was completely absent, and once their mother died they were practically parentless. sure lan qiren raised them, but he was also acting as the lan sect leader whilst qingheng-jun was away, so i doubt he held much involvement in their raising other than making sure they stuck to the rules and were fed etc

SPEAKING OF THE RULES. the punishments the kids in the lan sect had to deal with?????? the fact that nhs, wwx and jc were beaten for rule breaking whilst they were staying at the lan sect as pupils just makes me wonder how badly they treat their own lan disciples if thats how they treat special guests from other clans. they were fifteen when that happened, FIFTEEN, so clearly the lan sect has no problem with LITERALLY BEATING children to teach a lesson.

its basically just abuse to keep a system in place, and it makes me wonder just how many times the twin jades suffered like that as kids to be as 'perfect' as they are as adults

the lan are so corrupt in their ways and i hate how we dont fully see that in the story until wangji is whipped for protecting wei ying. the whole situation is so fucking cruel and unnecessary it makes my blood boil whenever i reread/rewatch that part, because yes wangji did wrong by injuring the elders but the only reason he did so was because they were refusing to listen to him and quite literally trying to murder his lover.

i get he committed treason or whatever by fighting the elders but 33 whip lashes all in one go with NO breaks or healing time?? with a magical cultivated punishment whip as well, its genuinely like they were trying to kill him. even if he didnt die from the lashings themselves he could've gotten an infection, or had severe blood loss, or hell they coulve broken his spine with the force of it. it took so long for him to heal from that, and it left him with so many scars both physical and mental. that level of injury would've likely left him with some form of chronic pain or illness as well, and it was just so cruel for a situation that didn't ever need to come to this.

they forced him into seclusion, just like his father, and punished him for defending himself, just like they did his mother. xichen ended up similarly as well, with his seclusion after the events with jgy. the lan elders had seen the horrific end qingheng-jun and madame lan had, and yet did nothing to stop their children from facing the same trauma, even making theirs worse.

the lans praise themselves as a sect that sticks to righteousness and principles, when realistically its just full of hypocrites holding onto power by means of fear and punishment. they say that lwj broke the rules by fighting to save wwx, and yet somehow torturing him was completely within the rules of the clan.

their rules and image are merely a cover up for the downright abuse and silencing of their disciples, and its just so fucked up. i could rant about this for so much longer, but also wanna see what other people think before i delve into some of the other topics i have in mind that relate

[dangan-yandere-blog]

May I request Yandere Seiko kimura x male kidnapped reader, could it be a one shot of her ranting to them about Ruruka and if they even are a good friend or something similar to that. If not could it just be general headcanans.

Hey there! You can definitely request that. While watching the DR3 anime, I have to say Seiko was my favorite character, so I’m happy to write for her! I hope you enjoy this. Thanks for requesting! :)

-Mod Mikan

Communication. Seiko loved it.

If you two were going to be in a relationship (which you, of course, already were!), you obviously needed to talk to each other.

Talk about your day, your hobbies, your preferences, your ideal date, anything! It didn’t matter that you were tied up— if you truly loved her, then you would be able to hold a normal conversation with you.

Clearly, that was not the case.

All you had done since she lovingly brought you here with here is complain, whine about how you wanted to leave.

She didn’t understand why you were fighting her attempts at normalcy. She was trying to have a normal conversation with you, appear as if you two were simply a happy couple!

It did not matter that you were tied up.

“Oh, let me see my family and friends again!” “Ah, let me go!” “Euh, I don’t want to be here!”

Seiko had quite frankly had enough of it.

So, she used a... temporary method of shutting you up.

She placed a few pieces of duct tape over your mouth, sticking them close to your skin to ensure that they were not coming off until she said so.

Then, after she decided you were quieted down enough, she sat down in front of you.

And she proceeded to have a conversation with you.

If you weren’t going to talk to her, then she was going to talk to you.

Seiko told you all about her hobbies, her favorite color, her childhood memories and why she enjoys being a pharmacist. She told you all about how much she loves and adores you and how perfect she thinks you are.

It wasn’t too long after that when she treaded onto a different topic, and her expression immediately hardened.

“Ah... You’re probably wondering about my friends,” She said to you, before a nervous smile formed on her face, “I wouldn’t know if you were, seeing as you’re unable to speak.”

She watched your slumped over figure for a moment before clearing her throat.

“Well, I’m friends with a girl named Ruruka. She’s the Super High School Level Confectioner,” Seiko told you, soon taking a sharp breath in, “But... Hey, we’re dating, right? We trust each other with everything?”

You didn’t have the chance to respond. So no matter what, Seiko would take your response— or lack of— as a yes.

“I’m not sure she even cares about me,” Seiko admitted, “She’s always asking for favors, and she never returns them. She even guilts me at every turn when I don’t try any of her sweets.”

Seiko looked frustrated, and almost... saddened, in a sense.

“I mean... all I’ve ever done is help her!” She stands up from her chair, “But it seems like when I make even the slightest wrong move, she gets angry! It’s like she doesn’t care about me at all.”

Seiko sighed, turning back to you with a smile on her face.

“But I know you would never do that to me. You would never be inconsiderate like she is. Thank you for listening to me,” She said, walking closer to you and reaching out to take your duct tape off.

Upon your look of confusion, she gave a soft chuckle.

“I’m sure you have a lot to say to everything I’ve told you. Or maybe I even encouraged you to tell me things about yourself!” She grinned at you, and it was almost unsettling.

She quickly got ahold of the duct tape and ripped it off, frowning as you winced.

“I’m sorry. But you can speak to me now, dear.”

It was silent for a moment. You seemed to be gathering your thoughts.

It wasn’t long before you replied to her.

“I can see why Ruruka doesn’t care about you.”

Seiko’s eyes widened at that, as if that wasn’t at all a response she expected. Her face soon contorted into a look of anger.

“Is this your method of getting out of here?” She snarled, “Insulting and resisting my kindness? Well, that’s not going to work!”

She took a step closer to you, emphasizing her point.

“You are staying here with me whether you like it or not. But if you’re not going to love me, or return my feelings...!” She quivered with rage, “Then I’ll just have to make you.”

And with that, she turned on her heel and opened the door to the isolated room, slamming it shut.

You didn’t see her the next day. Or the next.

...Or the next.

You couldn’t tell if that made you happy or saddened.

[harm0nianecterepassus]

The Right Thing to Do “live commentary” - Part I of the “Rights and Wrongs” series, by LovesBitca8

Here we go again! I have decided to go for this series next. I originally was going to go ahead and read The Auction (ovaries still growing to required size to read Manacled) but i found out that it’s part three of a series??? I’m not sure if it’s 100% necessary to read the two before? (TRTTD and ATWT) so if anyone would be so kind to clarify, thanks in advance!

Anyways, as it says The Auction is part three, my brain can no longer go ahead and just read it- i have to go in order now 😤. So yeah! Let’s crack on, shall we? I have already done a “live commentary” about The Fallout and DMATMOOBIL, i didn’t do one on Isolation but i wish i did, it was perfection, btw. Anyways this is not a “proper” review or critique, just my thoughts while reading, and i don’t even know why i’m writing like i have an audience waiting for me to do this again lol the delusion ~ i will pin this to the top of my profile and update by editing the same post, so yeah! And now without ACTUAL further adue…

Day one: i’m really enjoying this fic so far! I’m on chapter 9, and it feels really “fresh” and “young”, probably bc it’s only a year and a half after the war and the characters are just becoming young adults. It’s always funny to read how they go straight into working for the Ministry and don’t really take a few years to “go to college” lol. It’s nice and a bit more fast-paced, shorter chapters and relatively open descriptions of places and people, which i too appreciate, so my mind can kind of “create” and work around it to imagine the world and ppl around the story. It’s a very nice change of style, and i have just read the reference for The Auction! So clever, i wonder if the author was already thinking about / writing that fic by this time? Anyways, less than a week til i go back to school and won’t have much time to read :( so i will happily destroy whats left of my eyesight to finish this fic before sunday hehe… been thinking about getting a Kindle! I found out you can read fics on there too! (I’m so NOT knowledgeable on this front lol) any suggestions about it?

Day three: chapter 25! We are making good progress! I’m liking how things are going, pretty interesting twist of events! I’m finding it a teenzy bit hard to get ober Lucius Malfoy being “civil” towards hermione, and sometimes Draco’s behavior is a bit too “casual” with other people and colleagues for my brain to comprehend, i guess I’m used to him still a bit cold towards the general public, just because he is more reserved and weary in general. The rest is fitting just fine! I like the bit of banter between ginny, hermione and harry! I’ve never really been a *huge* fan of Ron, be it on the books or the movies, i just think our girl could do SO much better than ending up with him… she pretty muchwas his mom throughout their entire relationship (ok, enough ranting, that’s a topic for another time, sorry to all the romione fandom). Anyways, what i wanted to get to with that last idea, was that i rrally like the trio with Ginny instead of Ronald lol sorry Ron!

I just reached the a/n where the author says there’s alteady three chapters drafted for The Auction! Exciting! We’ll update soon!

Day four: ok, i’m getting a bit annoyed with Hermione’s attitude at work. Like, why would you talk back at your BOSS like that? Doesn’t matter what’s happening between them, you don’t disrespect the person who gave you the chance to do something of your career. I get it, he “used her name” or whatever (it doesn’t even mean anything, if she didn’t bite the bait, he would be left embarassed in front of people like Walter), but dude: the man’s your boss! Why does she act like she’s making him a favor? You want out of you thing with Lucius? TELL DRACO! Is not your responsibility to keep the company afloat, is your damn savior complex, draco is right. Lol i’m getting all worked up here, because this plot is slowly but surely annoying me a little bit. It’s not that hard to work things out, there’s no “real threat” for them and the “right thing to do” isn’t really a huge thing. Am i getting this wrong? I’m very practical and this arrengement of sorts is just too much trouble when things could be very easy!!?????? And seriously, Draco could just freaking tell her to stop being unprofessional and rude in front of others, because she’s!! And he needs to just be the boss…

Well, that’s all for this update!

Day five: I’ve finished! 36 chapters later, the first part of the series is finished. I feel like it was a pretty good, quick read! Pretty entertaining, it made me laugh quite a few times, and was an overall nice story. I feel there were a few plotholes that i would’ve liked to see resolved: like the actual classes being of more critical use or having more of a significance throughout the story, and to go deeper into Lucius plan, maybe? The repercutions of his stabbing plan, maybe a bit more of how H’s career moved forward, ginny and harry’s wedding, ron pretty much disappeared from the story and i thought he would have made a good conflict point. I would have loved a more high-stakes conflict between d and h and their relationship, though. I do feel the ending was a bit rushed, or maybe i’m getting used to the SLOW burn dhrs hehe, but yeah, an overall fun, quick, romantic story! Would recommend this to any first-time dramione reader. I would personally give it a 3 out of 5 stars. Now we move onto the next! I don’t know if i’ll be commenting on Dracos POV. If something gets my attention, i guess i will, but i’m so excited to get to The Auction! Moving on!

[flyingcatstiel]

(1/2)I'm the anon who said I don't agree that wincest is canon. Sorry I certainly wasn't trying to start a discussion if you weren't up for it. I think it's possible our difference in opinion is down to culture. I'm from an Asian country where such gestures between siblings would be perceived differently (though this level of intimacy certainly toes the line). I guess I shouldn't project on what is an American show and vastly different from my own culture.

(2/2)And don't worry about making me uncomfortable; I've no siblings and intimate relationships like this just don't exist in my own life. It's also possible I'm trying to convince myself wincest is not a thing because I so desperately wanted Destiel; I relate with Cas so much and as someone on grey-ace spectrum I really wanted to see someone like him end up happy. :( I already have given up on there ever being explicit ace spectrum representation so this is as close as I could get. 

Hello fellow fan from an Asian country! I’m European expat living in Japan, so yes, I think we come at this scene from different angles. I already posted another ask about THAT scene and lol, I also lost 2 followers since your first ask, so I don’t know if it was because of wincest discussion or not. But here’s a thing I do know. We must talk about it. I think a lot of destiel fans tried really hard to ignore wincest subtext and avoided talking about it, partly because we didn’t want to deal with anon hate. I mean, so many of us at least once have received a message along the lines “destiel will never be canon because the show is about the brothers”. Which is so funny, because it implies that romantic destiel is the same type of relationship as brotherly love, and Dean just happens to love Sammy more. But since the CW has greenlit the SPN finale that goes out of it’s way to establish incestuous vibes in Sam and Dean brotherly bond at the expense of romantic destiel, we have to give them their dues. Like I said in my previous answer, it is not only Dean’s death scene, it is the whole episode designed to show that without each other the brothers are miserable. So kudos to the CW for embracing incest. I guess those GoT laurels are so tempting.

In your first ask you said I don’t see anything wrong in choosing familial love over romantic love (which I believe for Dean is directed at Cas if anyone at all). 

and I didn’t know how to tackle it then, but I think I have gathered my thoughts now. So, in Western literature/ media choosing your romantic partner over the wishes of your family is usually portrayed as a peak romance, while following the wishes of your family is a path to heartbreak (mmmm, Persuasion). There are different takes on it, but if the romance is central to the story, this is the usual pattern. And on SPN that is the choice Cas had to face in s10. Cas gave up his angel army and chose Dean. As a destiel shipper, from this point forward I expected no less from Dean and the show seemed to move towards breaking the toxic codependency between the brothers. Thing is, for Dean, familial love is not tied to his big family that raised and supported him, Dean’s familial bond is with only one person, Sam. His younger brother he practically raised by himself. So, while there are stories where choosing familial bond over romantic one is a prudent thing to do, especially if the love interest is a scoundrel, it is almost never about choosing your only able bodied, adult sibling over your lover. In the movie Love, Actually, one of the stories is about a woman breaking up with her lover in order to be a caretaker to her disabled sibling. Her choice hurts her lover just as much as her. It is not a happy story. This is why I can’t see Dean choosing Sam as an expression of familial love. They both are able bodied adults, they need more people in their lives, romantic and platonic partners, If they chose each other, it is toxic codependency and incest. The CW is just trying to be coy about it. I mean, they could have done it platonically but for some reason they chose to crank up incest vibes. 

Unfortunately it also meant destroying Cas and his chance at happiness. Cas confession is a beautiful speech theoretically, and I agree with it’s main message about speaking your truth and love, but since it turned to be his last appearance on the show, it is burry your gays trope at its ugliest. SPN finale really took a wrecking ball at all its main themes. And we must live in with a knowledge that GA didn’t even notice it. 

[devoidwrites]

Sorry, I love you - See Changbin

Summary: Seo Changbin was your best friend’s old friend. He’s a terrible liar, but it turns out there was one thing he was able to keep from you all these years.

Words: 3.5K

Genre: f2l, college au, fluff, angst

Pairing: Seo Changbin x FRIEND!Reader

Warning: alcohol consumption, cursing.

Changbin rolled his eyes as you paced in front of your floor length mirror for what seemed like an hour, but was nothing more than a mere five minutes. You were freaking out about the outfit you had on, worrying if Juyeon would notice or not.

Why you asked him, he had no clue. It's not like he was an expert when it came to fashion, but he'd sit through the two hours of torture of watching you try on clothes to impress a boy who didn't give two shits about you. If it made you happy.

Finally, you let out a huff before turning to your best friend. "You think he'll notice?"

Changbin glanced over your body, and he had to push the obscene thoughts to the back on his mind. The way the dress hugged your body in all the right places made his mouth dry. He wanted to tell you that you didn't have to worry about what any guy thought about you, because you were already perfect. However you were clearly worried about Juyeon's opinion on you, so he opted for a simple- "He'd be fucking stupid not too."

The smile that graced your lips made the comment worth saying, even if he hated the fact you asked for his help concerning another guy. He'd never let it slip though.

"It's not too much is it?"

Chnagbin shook his head, glancing over your body once more as you put your heels on. He stood up from your bed with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't you want to be noticed?"

"Obviously, but I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard!" You scoffed as if what he said was outrageously stupid. "I don't want him to think I'm easy."

Here you were, worrying about Juyeon of all people thinking you were the easy one. He had a different girl almost every month, but he didn't dare try and tell you that. Because for some ungodly reason you had a crush on the playboy, and he didn't want to risk showing you just how much he cared by telling you. He'd let you figure it out on your own.

So, when the two of you arrived at Beomhan's party and saw Juyeon grinding on a random girl, only one of you were surprised. Changbin patted you on the shoulder as a way to comfort you, but he knew it would only do so much when the two started to make out in the middle of the dance floor.

He followed you over to the bar without a word, letting you rant about how much of an asshole he was. "I can't believe him. Why would he act like he was interested in me just to go and get with another girl?"

"What goes on?" Jisung made his appearance, slinging an arm over your shoulder and throwing a lopsided grin over at Changbin. The older boy knew the younger boy had no other intentions than being your friend, so he didn't mind seeing the two of you so close. The only thing that irritated was that Jisung and Chan knew about his hidden feelings for you, and the younger boy teased him about it every chance he got.

He didn't miss the sly smirk Jisung sent him when you wrapped you arms around his waist for comfort.

Changbin snickered as you pouted some more. "Y/n, just found out how big of a sleeze bag Juyeon is."

"Juyeon?" Chan mused, his eyes glancing over at the topic source. "Dude's slept with like 72% of the female student body, and that's just on our campus."

You whined, downing your drink before pouring another. You had heard the rumors, but the way he lured you in during your project together gave you the impossible hope that he wasn't what everyone played him out to be. Turns out they were right. He was nothing more than a playboy that toyed with girls to entertain himself. You wanted to slap yourself for falling for such a coy.

To help ease the slight embarrassment you felt for letting yourself go through such a thing, you decided to drown yourself in the booze Beomhan offered his guests for coming to his party. Oh to be rich and spend your parents money of food and drinks. Only something you could dream of.

Changbin decided it was best if he didn't drink as much as he normally would. The sight of you downing shots with Wooyoung made him feel uneasy. Not because he didn't trust his best friend, but because he didn't like seeing you so upset over a guy that wasn't worth it.

He was sitting on the couch when you plopped down beside him with a pout on your lips. Your cheeks were tinted pink, a clear indication that you were past your limit. You turned your hazy eyes towards him and let out a whine. "Why doesn't he like me, Bin?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that, because he thought Juyeon was insane for ignoring you, especially when you showed up looking like you did. You outshine everyone here, so he wasn't sure why Juyeon went for someone who was nothing more than a dimly lit bulb compared to you.

"I'm not sure, but he's an idiot." Was what he found himself saying. You leaned into him more, and he swore his heart about jumped out of his chest.

"Is it too much to ask for someone to care about me? Someone who's sweet and compassionate and just love's me for me?" He found your drunk rambling rather adorable, and he couldn't help but brush the loose strands of hair out of your face.

"If only you knew, sweetheart."

You looked up at him, confused as to what he meant. Your mind wasn't able to put the pieces together due to the alcohol coursing through your veins. "What do you mean?"

Changbin shook his head, offering you a sweet smile. "Don't worry about it right now. I think it's time to get you home."

You sat up straighter, instantly shaking your head. "But I'm having so much fun!"

"And I'm not going to be the one to take care of you when you're completely wasted and can't walk straight."

A lie. He would do it a thousand times over if you'd asked him to.

"But Binnie..." You whined. The sound of his name leaving your lips in such a way almost made his heart stop, but he quickly composed himself and pulled you towards the door.

"It's already late y/n."

You pouted once more, but gave in nonetheless. "Fine."

You followed after him, grabbing onto his arm so you wouldn't get lost in the mass of people partying around the house. Jisung and Wooyoung weren't too thrilled on the two of you leaving 'so early', but Chan quickly ushered you out of the house once he saw you in your drunken state.

Changbin would have to thank him later.

-

“Why would you go after Juyeon when someone like Changbin exists?” Gahyeon questioned. She placed her books in her bag and followed you out of the room. The two of you met up with Yeosang, who looked beyond tired. 

“Whoever’s idea it was to get black out drunk a night before class should be canceled.” He pressed his finger against his temple as he fell in step with you.

Gahyeon snickered, laughing at both of your pains. “No one said you had to drink so much Yeosang.”

“Hard not to when you’ve got Wooyoung blabbing in my ear all night.” He retaliated. It was a fair point. Anyone would feel the need to drink if Wooyoung was talking their head off. “Anyways, what are we talking about.”

“I’d rather ignore it.” 

“Aww.” Gahyeon rolled her eyes before turning over to Yeosang. “Last night y/n finally realized how big of a fuckboy Juyeon is.” 

“You mean after we all tried to tell her that’s exactly what he was?” Yeosang feigned surprise, making you scoff in disbelief. “How surprising.” 

“And now I’m trying to tell her how stupid she looked going after someone like Juyeon when a whole Seo Changbin is out there.” 

“If you think he’s so great then why don’t you date him?” 

Gahyeon snorted at the question. “Well for one he’s not my type, which is girls. And second he’s my best friend who’s totally into you.”

“Plus he’s never written a song about Gahyeon.” Yeosang paused, his eyes widening at his own words. “Probably shouldn't have said that.” 

Gahyeon smacked him on the arm for spilling such a big secret. “How do you even know about that?!” 

“Wooyoung has a big mouth, okay?” 

You quirked an eyebrow at the two of them, wondering why you were kept out of the loop. “Changbin didn’t write a song about me.” 

You were in denial, because why on earth would Changbin write a song about you? What about you was song worthy? 

“It’s literally called ‘sorry, I love you’. You’re the only other girl in our friend group. who else would it be about?” 

You shrugged, unsure of how to answer that. You and Gahyeon were the only girls that would willingly put up with their chaotic tendencies, but why does that mean-

“Hey, y/n.” A voice broke you out of your thoughts. You turned around to find Juyeon standing behind the three of you, a sheepish smile on his lips. 

Gahyeon stepped forward slightly. “Can we help you?” 

You gave her a look, telling her that you appreciated her help, but it wasn't needed. “What do you want Juyeon?” 

“I wanted to apologize about last night.” He glanced down at the ground before locking eyes with you. Crossing your arms, you nodded for him to continue. “It was wrong of me to play you like that, and if you’d let me I want to make it up to you.” 

You felt both of your arms being nudged, an silent way of your two friends telling you not to do it. You knew they were right. It would’ve been different if he was late, but he was there before you, and he was already entertaining himself with his tongue down another girl’s throat. 

“I appreciate the apology, but I'm good.” You uncrossed your arms and gave him a half smile. 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why not?” 

“You lead her on, asked her out to a frat party, and then made out with someone else before she even got there.” Yeosang scoffed, rolling his eyes. Juyeon glared over at the blond, but before he could say anything you gathered his attention. 

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” You concluded. You turned around to walk away, but his voice stopped you. 

“Kinda hypocritical of you since you were wrapped around Seo Changbin the whole night.” 

The mention of Changbin again made you stop in your tracks. How dare he talk about him. You felt your whole body get hot at his words, and you weren’t sure why, but him talking about your friend made you so angry. 

“Don’t you dare.” You hissed as you turned back around to face him. “Changbin was there for me whenever you decided to do me the way you did. He’s always been there for me and he’s more of a man than you ever will be.”

“Then why are you trying to find someone else?”

-

“This just might be our best work yet.” 

Chan grinned as he looked over at Changbin and Jisung. He sat in front of the set up with the younger boys behind him. Their eyes watched as he pressed the play button. The sound of their new song instantly filled their ears, their blended voices making them smile at one another

“I still can’t believe you wrote a love song.” Jisung mused. “Y/n, quite the lucky girl.” 

Changbin sighed as he sat back in his seat. “If only she’d realize it.” 

It took his four months to write the song about you. He put his entire heart and feelings into it. He really did love you, and it wasn't hard for him to put it into words. He was just worried about you realizing it was about you. He wasn't sure how you’d react. 

“You can’t hold her responsible when it comes to realizing how you feel.” Chan told him with a pointed look. “You can’t expect her to know without you openly telling her how you feel.”

“How can I when there’s always someone else in my way?” 

“That should make you want to tell her even more.” Chan told him. Crossing his arms over his chest, her twisted in the chair to turn around and look at him. "You're not the only one that has eyes for her."

“You think I don’t know that?” Changbin threw his head back and groaned. “You know how hard it is to see her with someone else?” 

“But whose fault is that?” 

“Jisung I will kick you out of your seat.” 

“You just don't want to hear it.” The youngest rolled his eyes. “Bin, one day she’s gonna meet someone that’ll treat her just as well as you can, and because you never confessed she’ll accept because we all know she’s too kind to say no to something like that.” 

“It might hurt to hear it. but Jisung’s right.” Chan spoke up. “You need to tell her before something like that happens.” 

“But-”

He was cut off by the door opening and you walking in with a small smile on your lips. He instantly sat up, his eyes wide in worry that you had heard their conversation. Jisung found it amusing, the smirk on his lips telling the older boy that. Chan was quick to cut the song off when he saw it was you. 

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” You noticed the way Changbin tensed up, but you decided to leave him be. After your earlier argument with Juyeon you thought it was best not to bring it up. 

Changbin shook his head quickly, shooting you a what he thought was a reassuring smile, but was actually a hesitant one. “Of course not!”

“Good.” You smiled in returned and placed the bag on the table. “I brought food.” 

Jisung clapped and didn’t hesitate to take the bag you offered him. “I love you.” 

Chan took the bag you offered him. “You didn’t have to do that Y/N.”  

“I know, but the three of you have been stuck in here for the past two weeks trying to finish this song and I figured none of you remembered to eat, so I brought dinner.” 

Jisung moaned as he bit into the burger, making you snicker as you handed the last bag to Changbin. “Thank you Y/n.” 

“It’s no problem.” You sat in the chair by Chan. “Soo, how’s the song coming? Everyone’s got high hopes for it since it’s taking so long for you to post it.” 

Chan and Jisung eyed Changbin, waiting for him to say something. Of course he stuttered on his words, trying to find something to say that didn’t sound suspicious. Luckily, Chan came to his rescue. 

“It’s a different style than what we’re used to. We want to make sure it was perfect before taking the jump.” 

It was understandable. They’d never written love songs like that. Sure, there was ‘Wow’, but there was no deep meaning to the song. You were excited to hear the new sound of 3Racha, especially after the little snippet you heard when coming in. 

“What’s it called?”

“Sorry, so love you.” Jisung told you before grinning over at Changbin. “Bin came up with it.”

You turned to the boy who refused to meet your eye. He looked as if he was blushing, but he hid his face further so you couldn’t see him.

“When do you think it’ll be released?” 

“By the end of the week.” Chan said, making your eyes widen. You didn’t realize it would be so early, but you wouldn’t complain. You were sure no one else would complain either. Everyone was excited for the new track. 

“Hopefully.” 

“Awesome.” You smiled and stood back up. “I better get going. Gotta finish my Psych paper.”

“You sure you should be walking home alone?” Chan questioned. His eyes glanced over at the clock on the wall. “It’s kinda late.”

You shrugged. “Should be fine.”

“Nonsense!” Jisung exclaimed. His eyes lit up as if he had the worlds most brilliant idea. “Changbin will walk you home.”

Changbin's eyes widened a fraction, and Jisung grinned at the death glare he was receiving. It didn't go unnoticed by you, but you decided to ignore it. "It's no big deal."

"No, he's right." Changbin flinched, as if admitting the boy was right was the hardest thing he had to do. "I'll walk you home."

You smiled as he stood up and lead you out of the room, trying to ignore the teasing looks his friends were giving him. He'd get the brat back for this one later.

Changbin held the door open for you, waiting for you to walk through before he followed. The night air hit your bare arms, making you shiver slightly. "You didn't have to actually walk me home, you know."

"And if something happened to you?" He questioned. "I'd never forgive myself."

"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." You grinned, showing off the muscles you didnt' have.

Changbin chuckled as you put your arm back down. " I know that, but honestly I'd feel better knowing you got home safe."

The two of you fell in a comfortable silence as you walked. The streets were surprisingly not that busy at the time, which made the walk peaceful. The only sound was the two of you walking and the very little cars that passed by. Your arms brushed against one another slightly, and you could feel the heat radiating off of him. It comforted you.

"Can I tell you something?"

Changbin's voice broke the comforting silence. You felt him stiffen from beside you as the two of you continued to walk.

You glanced over at him, a teasing smile on your lips. "Are you confessing your undying love for me?"

You weren't sure what made you ask the question. Hearing Jisung's teasing from earlier must have had an effect on you.

He sighed as he came to a stop. "I am actually."

"Wait." You paused, stopping beside him instantly. "What?"

Changbin's eyes were on ground. He could feel his nerves acting us as he felt your eyes on him. "I really like you, y/n."

He finally looked up to face you, and you could tell he was being one hundred percent serious with you. Your chest warmed as he took a step closer to you.

You weren't sure how to feel about it at first. Your mind was buzzing with confusion until everything started to make sense. He was always there for you, even in times he didn't have to be. Even when it was about your exes he was always there.

The signs were right in front of your face and you left them unnoticed. Gahyeon and Yeosang even tried to tell you, but you were stupid enough to not believe them.

"I've tried to fight off these feelings, but you make it so damn hard." He took another step, leaving him standing directly in front of you. You had so much you wanted to say. So much you wanted to ask, but your tongue failed you.

"To be just friends, you're too beautiful." He recited softly. "I know I'll regret this if I don't, so I decide to express my feelings. I want to be more than just friends."

His song. This man was standing before you, reciting his own song lyrics to you. Your heart fluttered at the words, and you were then sure of how you felt about him. He was everything you've ever wanted, and you'd be a damned fool to let him walk away without you being beside him.

"You..." You finally found your voice, your eyes meeting his. You could see the love he had for you swimming around them. "You really mean that?"

"With everything I've got in me."

You reached your hand forward to cup his face in your hands. "Oh, Changbin. Why didn't you tell me?"

“A lot of reasons.” He melted into your touch, loving the contact he was receiving. “As childish as it sounds, I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same. And you were with Juyeon at the time. I didn’t want to come between anything regardless of how I felt about you two being together.”

You wanted to kick yourself. This whole time you were looking for the perfect guy and he was standing beside you, waiting for you to notice him.

He leaned closer to your face, his eyes trailing down to your lips. “Can I?”

You didn’t even hesitate to bring your lips together. The kiss lit something inside of you, and you found yourself pulling his closer to you as your arms moved around his neck. His hands trailed your waist, his touch setting your body ablaze.

You knew it that moment that you had buried these feelings you had for him. It was unknown to you on why you did such a thing, but you were glad they were on the surface, ready to be showed.

The two of you pulled away, and Changbin rested his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry, I love you.”

Was this love that you were feeling for him? You weren’t sure but you were willing to find out.

[anonquack]

| His Merch |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 4256

Warnings: None, just some curse words. Fluff :]

Summary: Being such good friends with Quackity leads to the inevitable; catching feelings. In fear of ruining your friendship with him, you kept quiet about your feelings. Although usually good at that, after a merch drop and a slip-up on stream, you prepare yourself for the worst. Queue the incoming call from Quackity himself.

Today had been a productive day, in your opinion. You'd woken up earlier than usual, ate breakfast, cleaned around your apartment, and managed to get started on editing a video you'd recently filmed.

That's why you considered yourself very deserving of sitting down and enjoying your friend's stream as you ate some snacks.

Quackity had a fun stream planned, and had hyped up a 'big announcement' on Twitter, and the whole timeline was already speculating what it could be as they awaited for Quackity to start stream.

Being his friend had some perks though, contrary to popular belief. He'd discussed with you what the big announcement was as you sat on call with him a few nights prior to the big day. It was merch, and according to your past experience with Planet Duck products, it was sure to be soft and super comfy. You were very much looking forward to getting your hands on some of his new merch.

He'd brought up sending some to you, one of the previously mentioned perks of being his friend, but you politely declined. Much to his surprise. He'd asked why and you'd simply stated that "It was fine," and perhaps it came off as a bit rude. A 'no thanks' to his merch that you hadn't even seen.

But you had plans of your own, you wanted to acquire said merch on your own, and support him financially in the process. He didn't have to know that though, so with a small 'Oh' from him as his response, you swiftly changed topic of conversation.

Now here you sat, watching the stream as Quackity explained what he'd be doing with his friend John Smith. Riding go-karts around what looked like a storage unit. You couldn't help but worry as you watched them zoom around, occasionally getting close to crashing, and eventually doing just that.

The stream itself was rather fun to watch, but you kept your debit card beside you. This was in case he decided to drop the merch announcement out of nowhere. And that was exactly what he did. Another perk of being his friend was you grew a 6th sense for these type of things. Always had a feeling for what was about to happen when it came to Quackity.

You watched as the chat freaked out, watched as the notification from Planet Duck went out, notifying everybody that the merch had been released. You quickly typed into your computer, and the internet seemed to be taking its time to redirect you to Quackity's merch site.

After some time, it finally loaded and you began to look at all the options. The merch was wonderful, Quackity had been hyping it up to you (you'd asked for no reveals, wanting to wait like everyone else) and he had been absolutely right.

Most of the designs were new, except for the iconic Planet Duck logo, and were all very cute. You had Quackity's stream playing in the background as you maneuvered your way around the site, finally deciding on which merch you'd be buying.

As you went to purchase, a red sign alerted you that there was no shipping to your location. To which you quickly raised an eyebrow, panic starting to rush through you. Maybe you should've accepted his offer.

After refreshing multiple times and watching the Twitter timeline freak out as well over the inability to ship to several locations, it finally seemed to work, and the payment finally went through. A big "Thank you for your purchase" appearing onto the screen.

You let out a sigh of relief, clicking back onto the tab where the stream was, a small smile on your face. You'd actually managed to get it on your own. It was nerve-racking, when it seemed like you wouldn't be able to get the shipping to work, when it seemed like it'd sell out before you had the chance to buy some.

Now you finally understood what it felt like, the stress of getting your hands on merch before it sold out. It'd been an exhilerating experience.

You relaxed into your seat as Quackity's laugh filled the room. He was recreating bits from Fast and Furious, and zooming all over the place. You watched with a fond smile as he drove around, throwing random Spanish profanities at John Smith here and there.

The funky heart glasses he had on did nothing to ease the warmth that was spreading through your chest at the sight of him. You were suffering due to your confusing feelings towards your close friend, but nobody knew, or at least that is what you told yourself.

You tried to focus on something else, something that wasn't solely him. The go-karts were going pretty fast, and you remembered the scene they were recreating from the movie. Whichever random thought came to mind, you'd focus on it instead, too scared to let your thoughts wander elsewhere.

When it came to and end, you were conflicted. You were glad your heart would be able to catch a break, but you also missed him almost immediately. Sickening, really.

You took some time to reflect on what you'd done so far. Cleaned, ate your meals, worked on some editing, got some Quackity merch, and enjoyed a fun stream. It was rather productive, to say the least.

But there was still some time left in the day, and you figured you'd put the energy coursing through your body to use.

Taking a seat at your desk, you turned your monitor on before opening the twitch app. An alt stream would be perfect right now. After going live and sending out a tweet letting your followers know you were live, you patiently waited for the viewers to start coming in.

Considering this was an alt stream, you figured you'd play some random game and just chat for a bit before heading to bed. As the viewers came in, you gave your greetings before opening a tab for roblox, getting on a random server to play an obby game as you talked to chat.

There was a content smile on your face as you asked chat how their day had been, how they were feeling, your little character jumping around and passing through the beginner levels on the obby game.

"I'm actually in a really good mood, chat. My day has been going so well." You began, glancing at chat here and there, smile growing at the memory of the adventures acquiring Quackity merch.

After the chat was flooded with questions asking about what had happened, you indulged. "I was watching Quackity's stream earlier today, and it was so much fun!" The smile grew before softening as you focused on the obby. "I was also able to get some of his new merch."

The chat erupted into bits of 'friends supporting friends' to 'y/n in quackity merch???' and people yelling that they had been or weren't able to get merch.

Seeing the chat made you laugh, nodding your head a bit. "No because I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to get some-" you admitted, attention now focused solely on telling the viewers about your own experience.

"I was trying to purchase, and there was a line, and then it said it wouldn't ship to my location?? I was so worried I wouldn't be able to get some. But it finally worked. I'm excited for it to get here." You finished your small rant, a content smile on your lips.

Chat consisted of people agreeing with the technical difficulties occurring at the time of the merch drop, others saying they were too broke to buy anything. It felt nice, to see something from their perspective and also have shared an experience like this.

"Big Q actually offered to send me some, but I told him no because I wanted to get it myself.. Wanted to get it fair and square." You said as you refocused on the obby in front of you, fond smile on your face as you thought about how nice he was. He was willing to send all of his friends some of his merch, free of cost.

"Also wanted to give him my support by actually purchasing it, you know?" You added, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as it leaned against your desk. You took this time to read chat, which was exploding with what you thought was a combination of Quackity's username with yours, and 'bffs ur honor!!'.

You smiled at that, hands finally moving your character around. "Really, he has been such an amazing friend, extremely welcoming, always fun to be around. And just.. life is never dull when he's around. He's always been there for me when I needed it and well‐" A pause. "I'm glad I was able to support him in some way." You hummed softly as you finished up yet another small rant about Quackity.

At the realization that you'd been talking about him for far too long, and that he was not meant to be the focus of your alt stream, you cleared your throat and began focusing on the obby game once again.

You shifted the topic of conversation to the video you'd also been editing today, and that quickly took everyone's attention away from how affectionately and fondly you'd been speaking of your dear friend. Everyone was now excited about the new video.

Seeing how easily the chat's focus changed made you ease up a bit, and you were able to enjoy the rest of your stream playing random roblox games and discussing some stuff with chat. It lasted for a bit longer before you finally decided to end stream.

Some goodbyes and after stream officially ended, you found yourself on Twitter. Everything seemed pretty peaceful on the timeline, up until the trending page came up.

Your name was trending, along with 'QUACKITY IN CHAT' and the infamous combination of usernames. A monstrosity, really.

You heard yourself audibly gulp as you clicked on the trending topic 'quackity in chat'. Much to your dismay it was true. There was screenshots that showed Quackity was watching your stream. That meant that he'd heard you talking about him in that sickening tone. That tone that was unnecessarily sweet and fond.

You didn't know who was freaking out more, the so-called shippers, the timeline, or yourself. You gently bit at the inside of your cheek, scrolling and reading all the tweets of people trying to guess how Quackity must've felt while hearing all that. Others raising an eyebrow at how long you'd gone on about Quackity and how 'perfect' he was.

You'd fucked up, that was for sure, and it wasn't even intentional or fan service of any kind. It was an alt stream, it wasn't planned in any way, shape, or form. He'd been brought up, and you'd accidentally spilled all fond thoughts you held of him.

Your cursor hovered over a specific tweet that read, 'want someone to talk about me the way y/n talks about big q'. It was sweet, and perhaps made you smile just a little bit.

As you read it over in your head, a notification popped up on your screen, the discord notification ringing in your ears as you read who the message was from. Quackity.

You messed around with your mouse for a bit before finally closing the Twitter tab, and instead opting to open the unread message.

Quackity

hey (:

You stared at it for a bit, blinking in disbelief at how normal the message came across. Perhaps he'd tuned in during the last half of the stream. Perhaps he hadn't been able to watch while you rambled about him, and perhaps he hadn't been on Twitter either. One could hope.

y/n hi (:

It showed that he was typing almost immediately after, and you tried your best to calm your nerves.

Quackity call?

You felt yourself tense at the message. Maybe he wanted to let you down kindly. 'Hey! Saw your stream, and I just wanted to ask if you could chill the fuck out. That was kind of creepy. Maybe never speak of me ever again. Do not perceive me any longer, thanks!'

Something along those lines for sure. That's what probably awaited you if you said yes to this. But what exactly were you supposed to do instead?

y/n ofc

It only took a few seconds for the call to come through. Stalling wouldn't help, so you answered by the third ring.

He greeted you, and everything seemed normal. The calls were normal between you two, but you were just on edge due to twitter trending and the stream that took place less than an hour ago.

"How are you feeling, Quackity?" You asked with a small smile, today was a big day for him, and you were sure he'd enjoy talking about how fast the merch sold.

"I'm doing great. Really happy that the fans liked the designs and just.. we sold a lot. I'm happy." He restated the last bit, the smile was obvious in his voice. You didn't have to be seeing it to know. Another perk of being so close to him. You had a clear visual image of what he probably looked like right now. Cute smile plastered onto his equally cute face.

"I'm really happy for you, Big Q. You deserve all the success that is coming your way and more." You hummed softly. Everything you were saying, you meant wholeheartedly. There was silence for a bit before he finally spoke again.

"I watched your stream."

Fuck. There it was. You should've expected it but it still hit like a ton of bricks. You felt your mouth turn dry, could barely manage to get out the word, "Yeah?"

"Mhm." Straight to the point. There was a bit of silence, you were unsure of what to say. Why had he brought it up? It was bound to happen, but what was the reason behind bringing it up? To tease you, let you know he wasn't interested, or because roblox obbies are just so much fun?

"You didn't have to buy it, you know?" He finally said, breaking the silence.

"I wanted to." You reassured, "the merch is really pretty. Worth every penny."

"I could've sent you whichever you wanted." He stated bluntly. As if it was weird of you to have gone and bought it on your own.

"Thank you, but I wanted to buy it myself. Let me? Please?" Let me show my support this way, is what you meant to say. It came out softer than intended, and you could feel your heart beating against your ribs. You really needed to watch your tone around him.

"Of course." He responded, just as softly. He'd drive you crazy one of these days. They'd have to lock you up, and you'd never see the light of day again.

"Did you have fun riding the go-karts?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you wandered back onto the Twitter tab, a clip of his stream now on display on the timeline.

He let out a small laugh, "I did. Did you enjoy watching it?" You nodded before responding, "Of course. Was concerning watching you crash into walls though."

He hummed softly in response, possibly contemplating what to say with how long he took before he spoke again.

"Did you really mean all the things you said on stream?"

Somehow, even with your own attempts to change topic, the focus was back on your stream and the things that had been said. You wouldn't be able to dig yourself out of the hole you'd dug.

It was entirely your fault, for even allowing yourself to consider him as anything but a great friend. It was your fault for taking the late night calls, the sweet tones, and messages the wrong way. Your interpretations were all wrong and now you'd have to sit here and apologize for practically outing yourself on stream. For letting the whole world know that you had romantic feelings for a good friend of yours. You'd probably made him so uncomfortable.

You felt yourself cringe slightly at his words, already gone quiet for far too long. You had to speak up, even if it lead to a good friendship ending a few minutes from now.

"Of course I did. You're great, Alex." The use of his name was meant to assure him you meant it wholeheartedly. It made the moment feel more intimate, too. Much to your own dismay, yet again. You couldn't help it.

The possibility that your friendship with him could come to an end real soon made you act on your feelings. It left you unhinged. If it was all going to end here, maybe you'd allow yourself to act on impulse. End it with a bang.

"Thank you, really. I know I probably wasn't meant to hear all that, but it was really nice. Made me feel nice as well. And just, seeing that you didn't accept the merch from me because you wanted to support me directly.. thank you."

His voice was soft, felt like warm honey to your taste buds. You could almost hear your heart melting inside your chest, could feel it dripping down and touching your diaphragm, oozing into every single crevice in your body. You'd never understand how he had such effects on you. How he was able to make you so fond of him.

"I meant every single word. You deserve that and so much more." You reassured yet again, a small smile on your lips. You heard him let out a small chuckle, which made you laugh as well.

Moments later, he had turned his camera on, wanting to show you all the merch. You'd asked for him to put it on, since you were a 'visual learner' and had to see it on him in order to fully understand what it looked like. He had playfully rolled his eyes, but hadn't really argued against it.

So there you were, watching as he changed from hoodie to hoodie, moving out of frame to change into the shirts. You could feel your heart thumping harshly against your rib cage at the sight of him. Some looked bigger on him, some looked just right. They all looked wonderful, and super comfy. Perhaps that was simply because they were on him, and he looked so comfy.

He looked like he could give the best hugs.

"You really think so?" His voice came out a bit sheepish, and the light pink that dusted his cheeks was becoming more and more evident. Huh?

"What?" You said, a dumb look on your face as you tried connecting the dots.

"That I could give the best hugs." He stated slowly, as if he was testing how it sounded before adding, "Do you really think that?"

Had you really said that out loud? Fuck. It took acting on impulse to a whole other level. This wasn't something you two usually did, but I guess it was okay since everything might be ending soon. Ballsy moves.

"Yeah. You make the merch look so cozy." Your throat felt dry, eyes glued to his face, wanting to catch every single second of his reaction. Wanting to see each movement of his facial muscles, to find out what it could possibly entail. "Makes me wonder what your hugs feel like." You admitted.

Your eyes scanned the entirety of his face, perking up slightly at the sight of his face flushing, leaving him with the softest tint of pink to spread across his cheeks, almost matching his pretty lips. What the hell did that even mean?

"Maybe you won't have to wonder for too long. With guidelines being lifted and all." The line. Blurred at that very moment, for sure. His eyes were glued to you as well, which only made you hesitate every single movement you could think of doing at that moment.

"And in the meantime? What am I supposed to do?" Risky. Crossing lines, jumping over hurdles. This all had to be against friend rules or something. You could feel your sanity decreasing each second this call went on. But he wasn't stopping any of this either.

"I could send you a hoodie." The sentence brought you out of your Quackity-induced haze, making you quickly shake your head. What? Before you could protest or ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, he explained.

"My hoodie. Y'know. Mine. One I wear. You can give it back when we meet up, perhaps."

Your mouth went dry again, shocked at the domestic feeling it gave. He was suggesting he send one of his hoodies. It would smell like him. It was the closest thing to giving him an actual hug. It would be paradise.

"You'd really do that?" You asked, still in disbelief, but he quickly nodded his head. "Oh." You said softly, before a smile appeared on your face. "I would like that, then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll send it then." He hummed, smile spreading on his lips as well. Everything going on was making you feel dizzy. It felt so surreal.

You'd mentally prepared yourself for the worst, but instead were met with a flirtatious Quackity. He'd said sweet things to you before, but you never allowed yourself to take it seriously, not wanting to get your hopes up. And it never went to this extent.

It seemed he realized what just went down, a loud laugh escaping his lips. "Holy shit. You're gonna have one of my hoodies soon."

"I am." You chimed in, smile on your lips as well.

"And you'll wear it around." He added.

"I will."

"You'll look good, as always."

You could feel the heat rush to your face. What was going on? Was this real, or just a very cruel dream? Alex Quackity was fucking flirting with you.

"Are you flirting with me?" Bewildered tone, raised eyebrows. Your brain couldn't even begin to progress what was being said.

"What the fuck does it look like I've been doing?"

"Have you really?" Warmth spread across your chest at how blunt he was being. The line was gone. It'd been erased, never to be seen again. There was no shame in him. Admitting he was flirting with his whole chest.

"I have. Why are you so surprised though? I've subtly flirted with you before.. and I mean, were you not confessing your undying love to me on stream?" He raised a brow, feigned confusion on his face. He was teasing. You let out a groan, covering your face with your hands as he let out a laugh.

Surreal. He confessed to having flirted with you in the past. So you weren't delusional, nice to know. "Are you done?" You asked, face still covered by your hand in shame.

"I saw a tweet that was saying they felt like third wheels since I was in chat, and you were just going on about everything you liked about me." You kept your face covered. He was not stopping. Now he was the unhinged one.

He was visibly scrolling through the timeline at this point. "Oh, and one saying they want what we have. What do we have?"

You finally uncovered your face. "I don't know. Whatever the fuck this is, I guess?"

"Well, what is this?"

"Mm... whatever you want it to be." You finally answered, and there was a surprised look plastered on his face at that.

"Whatever I want?"

"Yeah." You paused. Would he regret this after he got out of this haze? What if it had just been flirting for fun? But he wouldn't play with your feelings like this, would he?

Alex Quackity was perfect though, and perhaps he had a sixth sense about when stuff was wrong with you, because he caught on to your hesitation.

"Hey." He called out softly. The teasing, flirtatious tone was gone, now replaced by the softer tone reserved for late night calls, or when everybody else in the vc had left and it was just you two.

You look at where his face was on your monitor, relaxing a bit simply by his tone and the soft gaze he held on you.

"I know everything sort of progressed pretty fast tonight.. but your stream really helped me realize a few things. I do like you, y/n. Not fucking around or anything." He said it in a firm tone, one that told you he wasn't messing around, but still felt oh so intimate.

Everything he was saying was exactly what you wanted and needed to hear. Reassurance that your feelings weren't unrequited. You couldn't believe your rambling on stream had lead you guys here.

"I like you, too. If that wasn't obvious already." You mumbled out, eyes averting before glancing to see his reaction. He had the biggest, cutest, grin on his face. Charming, and extremely contagious. You couldn't help but smile back.

Holy shit.

"Is this real?" You asked out loud, smile never leaving your face.

"It is. All thanks to your ranting on stream. How cool is that?"

You couldn't help but still feel rather embarrassed that he'd heard all of it, but it had brought you two here. All embarrassment was worth it. Especially if it meant it opened up a whole new world of possibilities for you two.

"Very cool." You mumbled, before a smile appeared on your lips. Today really couldn't have gone any better.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

I cannot help but be excited for TLoVM. I started watching Critical Role more than halfway through Campaign One. I binged roughly 80 episodes in the month I was home for winter break, because I fell in love with it. I didn't expect how much it would give me.

I've been playing D&D for four years now, and everyone I'm playing with I met through the Critical Role Fan Club page on Facebook. These people are my friends, and we've known each other for four years because of Critical Role. I have my fucking D&D character tattooed on my body because I met some people who all also liked Critical Role.

My sophomore year of undergrad, I went through a fairly traumatizing experience, and as much as I tried to pretend, in the first few months after everything had happened, that I was okay, the truth is I wasn't, and it took me a long time to acknowledge that. My D&D character was what I used to proactively parse through my own emotions. The experiences she had had in her backstory, and the intersection of my own trauma, and my own grief and pain, intersected at the perfect time for me to be able to abstract all of the things I couldn't voice, and couldn't name, and didn't want to be feeling in my own life, into something, someone else. And if I hadn't had Critical Role I would have never had that opportunity.

I remember how a lot of fans reacted to Keyleth, and Marisha especially, I remember that hatred of Marisha was so bad the cast made jokes about it, having a voicemail that gave specific locations for where Marisha hate mail could go. And that has always made me angry because Keyleth is one of the most important characters I have ever had the privilege to observe. I used Kiki as a conduit for the feelings I was having. She was an inspiration/goal for me, someone to look up to, someone to strive to be. Someone who had suffered hardship and was still adamant on doing good for other people. Someone who needed to grow into her confidence.

Before I got to undergrad, I felt pretty confident in myself and my abilities, but that was all obliterated in an instant. College made me feel dumb, made me exhausted, and burnt out, and so unbelievably alone at times. I didn't feel I had the support of a lot of professors, and my perception of the world was that everyone I went to school with was better, smarter, and more talented than I was. I went so quickly, from having faith in myself, to doubting every little thought, every decision that I made. Keyleth started her journey as more timid, and unsure of herself, and to see Kiki grow into a more confident person, a more confident leader; seeing her relationship to Vax unfold. To watch them together, to see how they navigated topics of grief and anger for the lives they could have had, the lives they were going to lose, it was something I desperately needed in order to better understand myself. She got me through a lot, the Voice of the Tempest, and when I finally graduated, I placed the words I Have Passed through Fire on my graduation cap. It's been a minute since then, I'm in graduate school, I love my new university, I am confident in myself and my abilities, I don't often think about the things I needed help to get through anymore, but the admiration, and the appreciation I have doesn't feel like it will fade.

There are plenty of shows that I love, that I dote on, that I obsess over, there are plenty of episodes of things I have watched more times than I can count because I love them and they make me happy. But nothing, nothing, has had a vice grip on me as tight as Campaign One of Critical Role.

I have watched it grow into the company it is now, which is still a little strange and unexpected, but I am so so happy that more people will have the chance to be introduced to the story that has meant so much to me over the last...five-ish years that I have known it. If you decided to read this whole semi-emotional rant, sorry!

To those who have watched everything that CR has ever made, congratulations on finally getting to see some beloved characters on screen, if the internet in the past few days has been any indication, I'm sure you're just as excited at I am.

If you haven't seen Critical Role before and you are just getting to know this world and these characters through The Legend of Vox Machina. WELCOME! We are so excited to have you, and what a wonderful treat it is, to get to experience this story for the very first time.

[thestarsanctuary]

hi! I was hoping you could do a Bakugo, Midoriya, Todoroki and Kirishima (separate) with an s/o that has Tourettes, preferably they/them pronouns please. I hope you're having a good day <3

Of course! I was gonna take a break in the middle of my (unspoken) break aka me being lazy, but this request was so nice I- I had to 😔✋🏾 it was definitely the heart. It got me.

MHA BOYS WITH AN S/O THAT HAS TOURETTES

TW FOR ODD LOOKS AND STARES/BULLYING(ISH)

BAKUGO

Bakugo wasn’t really sure when he first met you about why your head was twitching or why you were repeating the sentences Aizawa had said sometimes, as he didn’t know you had tourettes. He never even spoke to you like the others did so you never had the chance to tell him until Kirishima did.

When you two started dating he started seeing patterns of when you would get to stressed and start jerking or spouting out random things you heard from youtube videos, he did his best to make sure you knew he was there for reassurance, whether it was a hand on your hand or just pure presence.

There were times when you would have ticcing fits and he would have to sit and rub your back and watch you, and in those times you realized he really was there for you.

He likes to do this thing where he rants on about things he doesn’t like to try and distract you- I’m not sure how he has so much he doesn’t like but every time it’s a new odd topic....sometimes it can literally be something like how he hates trees because when it’s fall he has to rake up the leaves and you have to say

“Bakugo they literally help you not die.” It really is a mystery sometimes how he’s so smart.

Sometimes you can be a bit upset with your tics. It’s not that you’re insecure or that you’re ashamed, but they’re difficult to deal with. The control that you could have isn’t there and that’s stressful in and of itself, and in those moments Bakugo realizes the best thing he can do for you - is make you understand that you are just like the rest of the class and the rest of the people in the world.

“Listen it doesn’t matter if you’re different because to me you’re still cool, you’re still funny, you’re still incredibly sarcastic and while I don’t enjoy that for the most part- you’re my extra regardless of whatever you feel. Get that bull out of your head.”

I mean, he wouldn’t date anybody less than the best.

MIDORIYA

Midoriya is the predictable character in the relationship. He researched about Tourettes and what he could do in times when you needed him, I mean he’s not perfect but he’d rather know something rather than nothing.

You tended to be the one who was more of a risk taker, and sometimes your tourettes got in the way of that- which could frustrate you to no end then causing harsher tics like hitting or yelling, and those were the times Midoriya tried to get anything too dangerous either out of your hands- or just out of the way so you didn’t get hurt, he was smart with it.

Other times he could be too much for you, almost treating you like a kid so you had to remind him that you know and understand precautions, but that you also want to live like everybody else and that is nothing short of your business.

You’re favorite activity with him was when he would help you study because he made it so fun for you. It could be hard to pay attention in class sometimes and do your work after school so Izuku would come over and assist you. He would make sure you guys took breaks and that you understood the topic at your own pace.

“Izuku can you like- give an example?”

“Well it’s just kind of- wait what is an example-“

In many situations Midoriya LOVED holding your hand, like he did it at any time, any place. It was something he thought wasn’t too much in public and it was reassuring for you both. When you’re tics got too much you could squeeze his hand, and other times when he wouls get anxious or something would happen he would squeeze yours. It was cute and handy!

There were instances when Midoriya definitely had his mistakes with your tics and how to deal with them but he was willing to take his time and learn because who would he be without his perfect person stayin’ by his side?

KIRISHIMA

Kirishima is probably the most sympathetic with your tics because he stay prepared for them. It’s never been like “Kirishima can you” but it’s always been more like ‘Kiri how do you always know’ and there’s never been an answer that he gave other than ‘I gotta stay ready for my lovely lover~’

Kirishima likes to do this thing where he goes “neck” after you have a rough day with your tics and with massage your neck for you or your back, depending on how your tics were. He likes takin’ care of you, and it’s not like he doesn’t know you can’t take care of yourself because hey, you didn’t get into 1-A by being a pushover.

Sometimes you’ve had times when people in school just aren’t all that accepting and Kirishima will clap back unprovoked.

“Sometimes I think about how sad you have to be to make fun of them and dang man, you got a therapist?”

Other times you’ll basically respond for him, like I said, you can DEFINITELY take care of yourself.

Whenever you’re in the car or on the bus on a trip in the case that you’ve gotten real excited (which is natural being around your boyfriends and your friends at the same time) he’ll play this playlist he made of your favorite songs and sing to distract you. Does he sing well? That wasn’t the question- but he does sing, only for you though because the other students keep dissing him.

He has a reflex of rubbing your back during free period or at lunch. I don’t think this is relevant but it’s something super adorable, and sometimes he just gives you his hand to look at and play with when you have anxiety as well to keep you calm.

Also irrelevant but other times he’ll facetime you before you guys go somewhere and ask what to wear because he wants to match with you, and it’s so cute because you could lie so hard and he’d believe everything you say.

You two are kinda a power couple like- you both can hold your own but also are such nice people, good job makin’ the rest of 1-A feel lonely guys.

TODOROKI

Todoroki is a simple guy. He doesn’t want to overcomplicate things for the most part because “why would I act like your guardian, if I’m literally your boyfriend” and that’s that.

He tends to try and keep you calm, as it’s something pretty simple for him, he knows a bunch of tactics for distractions or when those are obsolete, he’ll just sit there with you, and maybe rub your back or get a water bottle for when it’s done, he just never wants to do too much because he knows your capabilities, and he knows your limits.

He is also a large hand holder. Mostly because he doesn’t like the idea of PDA for the most part, and he doesn’t like leaving your side either, because you’re very comforting to him. It’s a given we all know he needs love and comfort please.

There have been times when people look at your because of your tics in public and Todoroki has had to give a little glare back because of the disrespect being blatantly put out. In rarer times you will both glare at the same time, those are the coolest moments of you as a couple.

Shoto doesn’t really care much for your tics only because he’d rather just make sure you’re ok then watch Avengers rather than treat you like a child if anything, and that’s because you told him first that you wanted a boyfriend not a babysitter (speakin’ facts) and at first he didn’t understand and he thought you didn’t want his help but soon understood otherwise.

Some cute things I like to think of are that he likes to put on your favorite songs when you’re anxious and try to dance for you. It’s not good- let’s start with that, because he’s kinda...stiff, but the attempt is absolutely adorable (and oh so funny).

Other things are he likes to call you cheesy nicknames when you’re cuddling because he likes your reactions everytime, because according to him, yeah he said it himself, you are very adorable when annoyed. Don’t @ me!

Overall he just loves spending time with you whenever he can, you’re truly a safe-haven for him.

EL FIN

-

Alright tourettes is a real thing y’all, so I didnt make this rainbows n cupcakes bc im sure that’s not always how it is.

If anything in this is offensive or too much for somebody I can take it down and re-do it! I’m not too sure how it is bc it feels kinda repetitive but we’ll see I guess, and thanks to the person who requested my day was fine thanks 😩✋🏾.

I also included some things I like to do (play with hands and listen to music) because i have anxiety and I known that can worsen tics and can also come with tics (a lot of ppl with tics have adhd, anxiety, or some sort of disorder along with it)

- SS <333333

[mondscheinprinzessin]

Yey! I missed prompts so much!😍

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞ niko/joel

“…fight of power when one wants the spotlight more than the other- I can’t read this anymore.” Niko said in a loud voice, obviously annoyed, ripping Joel out of his daydreams. “This is stupid, what do they know about us. We’ve had our fights yes, but never about who wants to be the front person - there is no main singer in this band, when will they understand this and stop writing needless articles about our possible future break up, none of these scenarios will happen.”

Surprisingly well-aimed, Niko threw the magazine in the bin next to the small table, and with a big sigh fell backwards on the bed behind him.

Joel, who had been following the end of the scene with his eyes, had to smile a little. It wasn’t the first time they had this talk within the band, and while Joel was known to go on rants on every topic possible, Niko was right behind him in getting furious when the media outlets speculated about their dynamics and sudden band accomplishments.

Also, Joel couldn’t deny that it was hot seeing Niko spitting flames.

With one long stride, Joel lay down next to Niko, the small hotel bed not giving the chance to leave much space between them, but Joel was happy enough about this fact since it gave him the perfect excuse to fall asleep on Niko’s chest last night.

Right now though he perched his head on his own hands, watching Niko’s face, holding back words in favour of smiling at him.

“What?” Niko asked, less upset now, but with a crease between his brows still. “What’s so funny about it? All they want is to see us fall when we’ve worked so hard for this. But no, they want to watch us ripping ourselves apart as if we’re lions trapped in a cage for the amusement of everyone around us.”

Not able to hold back any longer, Joel half fell, half rolled onto Niko and kissed his path up his neck to his mouth.

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” He said and dodged the hand that wanted to slap him away.

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not! I just gave you a compliment.”

Niko grumbled but then his face softened. “You’re right, they can all kiss my ass. They don’t know how happy I am, and it’s sad that’s all they can write about us.” His green eyes found Joel’s and one of his hands lifted to slip his hair between his ear, lingering to trace a finger down his jaw. “I never want to fight you about our position, you know that right?”

Joel was aware that everyone in the band knew about this insecurity about his because it did spark conflicts in the past, but not because Niko really did try to shove Joel out, but because Joel was afraid it could happen eventually. Over the time he learned and understood and accepted that none of the guys wanted to do this without him, and particularly Niko wouldn’t try to vote Joel out, after all he loved him.

That’s why Joel answered assured, “I know.”

“I don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore. I don’t fucking care what anyone else would say about that. You’re part of who I am now, the most important piece of me.”

Now that’s the Niko Joel knew. The poetic, love declaring man that still managed to make Joel blush with his words and left him speechless, which was not easy to achieve.

Joel buried his face into Niko’s neck to hide his face and grin of happiness, a warmth feeling spreading through him, and he would’ve loved to stop time to prolong this moment, to let go of the knowledge that they would have to go up soon for soundcheck. Right now he only wanted to bathe in Niko’s love.

“Don’t say something like that.” He said nevertheless, still embarrassed whenever Niko directed such lovely words towards him no matter how much Joel enjoyed them. He just couldn’t get used to it and didn’t know how to behave.

“Too late. I love you, nothing you can do about that.”

“We will see about that.” Joel replied, the grin having turned into a smirk, his hands slowly creeping up Niko’s side and his fingers immediately tickling over his skin once he saw his chance.

“Don’t you dare!” Was all Niko could bring out before he was lost in laughter and tried to fight Joel off.

[baroquebucky]

soft sam wilson headcanons

a/n: i love Sam so much and i have no fics of him on my acc >:( here are some soft headcanons <3

where to start because PHEW this man is everything good in the world and more

sam is very quick on his feet and is extremely charming ,,, except when he’s around you he manages to forget how to flirt

you meet through some mutual friends, and the moment he laid eyes on you it was game over

at first he shoved his feelings away, flirting with you all the time and thinking nothing of it

“you like her don’t you” sarah laughed at her brother as he looked at her, mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out

after that he was a mess around you

always cautious and not wanting to mess anything up around you

you got tired of it quickly, pulling him to the side during a cookout and sternly telling him to confess whatever he was hiding

“tell me, I’m tired of you acting all weird, what did i do?” “nothing y/n” “cut the shit wilson, I’m tired of it”

“i like you! there!” he spoke, his hand moving to the back of his neck as you stared at him in shock

“I didn’t wanna tell you because i didn’t wanna make it weird and i don’t wanna put you in dang-”

best kiss of your life actually, that man knew exactly what he was doing

he was the funniest person in the world, you could confirm the fact

constant play fighting and joking around

there was never a dull moment when sam was around, always easing up the tension and helping you relax

he would always plan out special dates for the two of you, making sure to always find something new to do

he was an amazing listener, always letting you rant about whatever was bothering you, helping you through your problems or just giving you a shoulder to cry on when you needed it

you did the same for him, helping him get his mind off saving the world and just living his life as a regular person, not as an avenger

sam loved hearing you talk about how much you loved him, always wanting to hear your praise, blushing when he overheard conversations of you talking about him to your family

speaking of- your family absolutely adored him, always asking about him, being all over him when the two of you visited

your mom was absolutely in love with him, he would bring her flowers everytime, getting her favorite ones, he was respectful to your dad and if you had siblings he got along with them amazingly

arguments with Sam were far and few, but no relationship is perfect

any time you argued sam always gave you the space you needed, waiting until he knew you had calmed down before listening to what you had to say, working through how to fix the problem and making sure you were happy

of course you always did the same for him, listening to his side and always making sure the two of you were happy at the end of it all, never going to sleep angry

on the topic of sleep, sam was a huge cuddler

having his arms wrapped around you or an arm over your waist

sam LOVED holding your hand, he would play with your fingers or interlace your fingers together

he loved having you close to him, he loves pda and took any chance he had to hold your hand or kiss your face

he would do that thing where his thumb made circles on your hand ,,,, I’m crying

he would have his hand on your thigh when he would drive or he would hold you hand

he would take so many pictures of you, having you as his lockscreen

he would hype you up all the time

just sitting there watching tv? “you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen” eating something? “how do you manage to be so perfect?” brushing your teeth in the morning? “you are the actual embodiment of perfection baby”

never failing to shower you in compliments, making sure you knew exactly what he thought of you

he was head over heels for you, doing anything and everything you ever asked, wrapped around your finger

“sam can you help me with this?” “of course baby don’t worry I’ll finish it for you”

sam would buy you flowers all the time, anytime he came home from a mission he had a bouquet in hand

anytime he went to the store he got you some with your favorite chocolates

he would write you hand written love letters

sam wilson would be the softest and most amazing boyfriend in the world actually, it’s a fact

[inkbyajm]

Bottled Up

pairing: C.H. x fem!reader

category: angst, fluff

warnings: yelling, crying, insecurities

word count: 2.2k

notes: apologies for the tardy post, i wrote and rewrote and re-rewrote the whole angsty scene because i didn’t know if it was written well enough, i wanted to make sure you guys could feel the emotions that i vividly visualised and tried my best to put into words  :( i did send it to a friend to check and she seemed to like it, so let me know how it goes for you, my loves. the angst for this one was inspired by 2 different songs - hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi and i will run from you by cemeteries. it’s not necessarily about the lyrics, but more about the melody and the mood you get into listening to them (they go in order). give those a listen :) also, beware of the upcoming philosophy references, i did study philosophy last year, hopefully no one gets triggered lmao

< previous    next >

Is a person’s scent something a normal human being picks up on before taking into account the rest of their features? Would a normal human being remember said scent and be able to recognise it in a crowd full of strangers? Corpse wasn’t too sure about the answer, but one thing he did know, is that she smelled delicately sweet, like cherry blossoms, and that ever since he had noticed it during their game night a few weeks ago, he simply couldn’t let it go. It was intoxicating, but in a calming way. 

━

Corpse and (Y/N) each lay on their beds in their own homes, going into the third hour of their call. He couldn’t exactly fall asleep, so he had decided to see what his dear friend was up to, and even though she was this close to succumbing to sleep, she said nothing and stayed up to keep his busy mind company.

“Okay, hot topic: what do you think about soulmates? More specifically the romantic type?” the girl asked, not knowing how much of a risqué question it was. How was he supposed to answer?

“I don’t really have an opinion on it. Why?”

“I read Symposium by Plato the other day and it presented an interesting concept about human beings. Basically-” Of course she fucking read philosophical books. How were they even having a conversation with each other? Why were they even friends? She was on a whole other level of smart. “-so this guy says that humans were like androgynous blobs, so they’d come in two sets of everything a normal person has. But those humans were so powerful, the gods were literally shaking in their robes, so Zeus decided to cut everyone into two to weaken them. But then humans became so miserable, they spent their entire lives searching for their other halves. In the end, Zeus kinda felt bad and said fuck it, I’ll give y’all dicks and vaginas for every time you wanna hug each other. And that’s the oldest explanation there is about the idea of soulmates.” she sighed, finished with her rant.

“That was...not at all the story I expected to hear.” she heard him mumble on the other side of the call. “Yeah, Greek philosophers were up to some reeal freaky things, you would have loved them,” he laughed at her joke, “I honestly think it’s cute. Not the whole cutting people into two thing, but like, longing for someone and then finding them because you finally feel complete. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a prince in shining whatever to sweep me off my feet. But it does sound nice, that ideal comfort, a person you’re just...meant to be with, I guess.”

There was a moment of silence that neither of them really minded, before it was Corpse’s turn to ask the second bold question of the night. “Have you found that person yet? Your soulmate?”

She’s never thought about it before, but she hasn’t really thought about soulmates that much either, it was a spontaneous thought she had said out loud. “I’m not sure, actually. (B/F/N) could be one, I guess.” (Y/N) shrugged in return. Wasn’t she going to ask him about it? She probably didn’t care that much. Understandable.

“My favourite quote about love is «You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.». It’s by Sam Keen, the American philosopher. It maay be the hopeless romantic in me shining through, but I do very much agree with his statement.” Did this mean anyone could have a chance with her despite their fuckups? So if he were to try, would she-?

“Obviously, there are some things that just can’t be ignored or avoided, but at that point it’s preferences and personal tolerance. Depends on the person, ya know?” she swiftly added, unaware of the effect it had on him. Sick. Some people were just meant to rot alone.

The final question was posed by (Y/N). She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at all curious. This little crush of hers had been steadily growing with every hang out, every laugh, every hug and every glance. There are rarely ever moments where one could casually discuss a topic this personal with friends, at least there weren’t with friends one had feelings for. This was the perfect opportunity.

“Corpse?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love?” her voice was soft, her approach gentle.

“Well, I’ve been in relationships before, so I guess, yeah? It’s been so long, I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.” he let out a breath resembling a chuckle. Lamest fucking answer ever. But it was true. He hadn’t thought about love in that way in quite a while.

“A lot of people describe it as having an intense range of overwhelming feelings. Lightheadedness, slight shakiness, heart palpitations, some people have even reported losing their appetite. Crazy how human bodies work, huh? Oh! Speaking of chemicals-”

She had continued on to ramble about...chemistry? Eyes? Corpse couldn’t really hear what she was saying anymore, let alone concentrate on her words, as he pieced everything that’s been happening for the past few months together. The nauseating feeling. The pounding of his heart so fast it felt like he was about to die. The urge to make as little eye contact with her as possible, because otherwise he’d turn into a furnace. The obsession with her perfume, like he was some fucking creep. The fool was falling in love. And it was at that moment that everything had come crumbling down.

━

(Y/N) and Corpse hadn’t talked for a couple of weeks. Or rather (Y/N) messaged the 23 year old many times, but he’d either claim to be busy or just not answer at all. There were two possible reasons for the sudden lack of contact: he was indeed busy with his musical projects and couldn’t allow himself to be distracted; or something much more serious was going on. It didn’t matter, for she was already in her car, on her way to his apartment.

Arriving at her destination, she used the spare key he gave her months ago, a sign of absolute trust, and allowed herself into his humble abode. Silence reigned in her friend’s residence. She thought maybe he had gone somewhere, and though that was unlikely, it wasn’t unprecedented. The door to his recording room was closed, and while she was tempted to check if he was in there, she refrained from doing so, knowing that specific room was not to be entered unless he was around to give permission.

“Corpse?” she called out just to make sure. There was no response for a few minutes, which made her assume she had the place for herself, until she heard a door open behind her. Turning around, she saw his figure emerge from said recording room in a white t-shirt and black sweatpants, his curly hair disheveled.

“Hey, how are you d-”

“Why are you here?” he spoke flatly, interrupting her. “Well- You weren’t, um, answering your messages or any of my calls, so I thought something had happened.” she replied, suddenly nervous, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. “Nothing happened. I told you I was busy.”

The air around them seemed colder as tensions rose. (Y/N) could tell he was irritated, but she couldn’t exactly figure out why. She had never seen this side of him before. “Okay. Tell you what, I assume you haven’t had dinner yet, so why don’t I go ahead and start cooking something up while you-”

“Get out.”

She blinked a few times, not quite registering the words that had just left his mouth. “Sorry?” Her voice was quiet. She was taken off guard.

“Are you deaf? I said get. the fuck. OUT.”

Corpse shouted the last word, making her flinch in what appeared to be fear. Good. Run away while you still can. Heart pounding, (Y/N) took a second to remind herself whom she was speaking to. “I see that you’re angry, but at least give me a reason why-”

“You want a reason? I just don’t fucking WANT you here!” Anger grew inside of him like a tumor, but it wasn’t intended for her. She had simply been caught in a storm that had been building up for years. “Do you understand that?! I can’t fucking be around you without feeling like I’m going to EXPLODE.”

His words hit her like paintballs. They were only words, plain and simple, but they dug deeper and deeper into her skin with each hit, until, eventually, it broke. Eyes burning, she felt the tears slowly welling up in them.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” her own voice grew louder with frustration, but mostly, confusion.

“Maybe because I can? Because I’m a goddamn asshole?” 

“Don’t say that.”

“How?! How can I not say it when it’s the truth!” He wanted to stop. His mind told him to cease whatever it was that he was doing. However, blinded with resentment towards himself, he only spilled words he would regret after it was too late. 

“I can’t function like a normal fucking human being. I can’t be a good friend, son, or whatever the fuck else, and I sure as hell can’t love you.”

The paintballs had turned into a singular sword. A very long, very sharp sword that had found itself plunged deep inside her chest. How did he found out? When? Had she been too obvious? Had she been pushy? Clingy? Way out of line? The woman before him was unable to conceal her shock, as tears came rushing down her hot cheeks. Her voice brittle, she tried defending herself. She couldn’t leave it at that. She had to try. Try to have him see reason. “You don’t love me, that’s fine. But you didn’t have to deliver it this way-”

“But I did.” breathless with fury, Corpse clenched his fists so tight they had turned cold, yet they were still trembling. “You can get so naïve and dumb, you won’t understand things unless they’re spelled out nice and fucking bold for you.”

He closed with (Y/N) until their noses nearly touched. He noticed the way she silently shook, her eyes which shed endless tears never leaving his gaze. Unable to make a single sound, she felt the man’s hot breath on her face, his aura domineering.

“Now get. out.”

Her body wouldn’t cooperate as she just stood there. Staring back at him, her inner brows raised. Corpse wanted to hug her. Envelop her trembling figure with his and tell her he was sorry, that he meant none of it, that he had lost his mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. And with his own tears threatening to spill, he created a distance between them. He needed her gone.

“Leave! GO!”

His yelling was enough to jolt (Y/N) out of her trance, and, in a hurry, she sprinted towards the entrance. The door closed behind her, she felt a sudden urge to fill her lungs with much needed air. She jumped at the resounding scream that emanated from deep within his soul, letting out all of his pent-up rage.

Feet carrying her all the way to her car parked outside of the building, the young woman managed to climb in, and this was the queue for her body to break down. The night was young. The street empty. No one around to hear her long-lasting wailing. She clutched the steering wheel for support, fingers wrapping around the leather in a tight grip. A headache was creeping up from the back of her skull. Her ears pulsated in response to the heavy pounding of her heart. Clumsily, (Y/N) inserted the key into the ignition, felt around for the gear stick, and drove away. She didn’t know where she was going or how long it was going to take to get there. She needed to get out.

What went wrong? When did it go wrong? She couldn’t help but feel guilty, feel at fault. She had never seen that side of him before. He had never treated her that way before.

It was the hugs, wasn’t it? He had to have noticed the way she held on for a second too long to enjoy the smell of his cologne. Her vision blurred as she resumed softly weeping, her salty tears staining her top. Or it might have been the touchiness, she would practically glue herself to him during their movie nights. Unaware of both her actions and surroundings, (Y/N)’s breathing quickened, becoming ragged. Maybe he didn’t like the way she called him three times a week. Her hands were slowly losing control over the wheel, over the vehicle she was driving. She invaded his privacy. That was definitely it. Fuck. How could she have been so damn blind, selfish, ignorant, FUCKING STUPID.

Lights. Something was moving towards her- MOVE.

With a sharp turn, she dodged the approaching car just by a hair’s breadth, but as she had avoided one accident, another came just as quickly. 

[geniusgub]

sweatpants//spencer reid

genre: fluff

warnings: nothing really. sad spencer for about two seconds.

word count: 2.7k

i have plenty more one shots on my wattpad so let me know if any of you want to see more of this type of writing :) make sure to reblog and comment :))

i fell in love with spencer reid the moment i met him. i fell in love with absolutely everything about him. his smile lit up the little bookstore as his glasses drifted further and further down his nose, and his hair hung over his forehead in messy, unbrushed curls. from the first time we locked eyes after he got a book down from the top shelf for me, i envisioned our whole future together.

we saw each other casually after our first meeting despite how badly i wanted more. we quickly realized that we frequented the little bookstore at the same time on saturdays and we just began to "accidentally" run into each other over and over at the same exact day and time. of course, i made sure to be there every saturday for the next three months just for the chance of seeing him.

i finally got the balls to ask him out after the fifth month of these meetups. he seems surprised and he blushed, then tugged on his tie to loosen it around his neck. he accepted quickly and we went bowling the next week. we were both horrible and eventually asked to put the bumpers up because the amount of gutter balls we were throwing were astronomical. but that "first" date was the first time i noticed something very important about spencer reid.

he wears a variation of the same outfit every single day, no matter what he's doing.

sweater vests, button ups, slacks, ties, and converse. sometimes a cardigan. these items get mixed and matched everyday and sometimes don't match, but the chaos of his outfit colors just suits him. and it suits his penchant for wearing mismatched socks. but i continued to realize more and more about his wardrobe as we spent more time together.

if we went out: slacks, button up, tie, converse.

if we had dinner at his apartment: slacks, button up, sweater vest, tie, converse.

if we cuddle on the couch: pajamas.

there's no in-between with him and it took me a while to decide if i loved this or thought it was odd. i landed somewhere in the middle. he would sometimes start to squirm in the middle of dinner and go to change into pajamas to be more comfortable.

i never commented on this because i knew he liked the way he dressed and i didn't want him to think i hated it. he's already an insecure person, despite me loving him with my whole heart and soul, and i'd feel so horrible if i added onto that. so i would sit through the squirming and the tie-tugging and the quick unlacing of shoes after a long day of converse wearing. i grinned and gave him lots of kisses because i love him regardless of his fashion choices. or lack there of.

but spencer continues to grow and thankfully, i grow with him. i start a new job and spencer continues to thrive at the bau. i move into his apartment and he decides that this is the perfect time for a change. a new haircut. super short on the sides and long on the top. i nearly keeled when i saw how utterly handsome he was with his new haircut. i jumped his bones immediately.

but the sweater vests and same brown cardigan didn't quite hit the spot anymore. i would find spencer standing in front of the mirror before work, silently wondering if the black or brown cardigan would look better with his gray sweater vest. still, it was endearing but eventually it becomes too much.

i pass a department store everyday on my way home from work and it started to pique my interest. one day when i got off work early and knew spencer wouldn't be home, i stopped off. the store was huge and had a humongous selection of styles and brands to choose from. i knew i had to bring spencer.

when i told him i wanted to take him shopping, he tilted his head in confusion like an adorable puppy. "what do you need? new sweaters? it is almost winter and i know you got rid of most of your winter clothes when the summer came. did you—"

"no, honey," i laughed, silencing his confused, off-topic rant. "i'm taking you shopping. for you."

another head tilt. "for me? i don't need anything."

"i know you don't need anything," i clarified, running my hands through his freshly cut hair, "but i want to treat you. and besides, i think you've outgrown some of your wardrobe and it's time to get some new items."

so that leaves us now, walking hand in hand into the department store. he's holding me tighter than usual as i lead him to the men's section, but i don't complain. i know he gets nervous in public places and i have no problem with a bit of coddling.

"so, i was thinking," i say as i flip through a rack of undershirts, "you could get some new dress pants. maybe a pair of jeans. maybe some blazers or just suit jackets. that way your style can grow but you can also wear your trusty button ups and ties underneath."

spencer pouts. "i like it better when we shop for you."

i stifle a laugh as i find an appealing gray blazer and search for spencer's size. "and why's that, bub?"

"because then you get to pick out cute clothes and i can watch you try them on."

"well, this time, i'll get to watch you try them on," i wink and hand the blazer over to him. "hold that. please and thank you."

spencer huffs and drops my hand so he can hold the hanger of the blazer. i continue walking through the racks and in my peripherals, i can see spencer glancing around the store and at the racks surrounding us. he follows behind me like a lost puppy, the amount of items in his hands growing as i pass every rack.

"how would you feel about," i pick out a set of matching maroon pants and a maroon blazer, "this color?" i told it up to spencer's chest. he looks down at the garment and scrunches up his nose. "no? that's okay. i think navy's suit you better anyway. no pun intended."

"babe?" he wonders softly as i move over to a rack of ties. "why are you doing this?"

"doing what?" i pick up a tie that is blue with pink flamingoes on it and drape it over his shoulder.

"taking me shopping. wanting to redo my wardrobe or something."

"well," a new tie on his shoulder- a yellow base with blue whales, "you have had the same wardrobe since i met you, and that was many years ago. you've grown up, spencer. maybe some new clothes could reflect that."

i watch a pout come to his face and his shoulders deflate. "you don't like the way i dress?"

i pout right back at him, trying to not seem so mocking in my expression. "i love the way you dress. but i think it might be time to replace that same brown sweater vest you've had since college. that's what i'm talking about. we don't have to do this if you don't want. we can go home."

spencer thinks for a second. he adjusts his hold on the handful of blazers and trousers in his arms and takes another glance at them. "i'll give these a try."

the pride swells in my chest and nearly bursts out. it's no secret that spencer hates change. he would rather his life stays exactly the same all the time. meals, furniture arrangement, train schedule, his wardrobe. clearly, he would rather wear the same clothes for the rest of his life than branch out a bit. so him agreeing to do just that nearly makes me cry right in the middle of the department store.

we push on and spencer continues to trail behind me and hold the clothes i pick. once his knees are practically buckling under the weight of the chosen clothes, i agree to let him start part two. the fitting room.

he disappears into a room and i sit across from the door in a fluffy armchair that probably has more germs on it than a public bathroom. okay, maybe that's just dramatic. but it has enough germs that i'm sure spencer would refuse to sit here, or maybe even get grossed out that i'm sitting on it.

"uh," i hear my boyfriends voice from behind the door, "i think i did it."

i hold in my giggle. "you think?"

"i mean, i put together an outfit. don't know if it's any good. it's definitely not as good as the things you put together."

"just let me see."

the door pops open and my jaw nearly hits the floor. my spencer is standing there in navy slacks, a navy blazer, a vest, button up, and a tie. he looks exactly like i expected him too. my same loving, quiet, genius boyfriend but much older and mature. he looks phenomenal.

but spencer scrunches up his nose and turns on his toes to look in the full length mirror. "i feel like all of this is too busy. there's too much happening."

"no, baby, not at all," i come up behind him and slide my hands across his back and then around his waist. "it's such a good look on you. it's spencer reid but as an adult."

he furrows his eyebrows and looks at me through the mirror. "are you implying i dressed like a child before?"

"no, no, not at all," i nudge his waist and he spins back to me. "it's a perfect outfit. you put it together perfectly. the colors, the different pieces."

spencer's face lights up as he watches me adjust the lapel of his jacket. "really?"

"yes!" i smooth down the shoulders and then tug on the cuff links. "it's perfectly your style. you don't think so?"

"mm," he looks back down at his own body and shakes out his arms a little. "i guess it is. it's just...different."

"it is different but it's a good different. you're still the same old genius who could go on for hours about mushrooms or doctor who or whatever. so you," i pat his shoulder and go up on my toes to kiss his cheek, "get into a new outfit and show me again, okay?"

spencer agrees and closes the fitting room door. we stay at the store for nearly two hours, picking out and trying on potential outfits. spencer even starts picking items on his own, but he comes to me in the cutest way to ask if i like the things he's picked out. i always do. and even if it's not my favorite piece, he obviously likes it so i tell him i love it.

we spend hundreds and split the bill. i insisted i pay because i was the one who brought him here, but he insisted he pay because the clothes are for him. we found a happy medium.

i don't know what i thought was going to happen after we basically replaced his wardrobe. apparently, i didn't think about what the next work day would be like. because i wake up before spencer and go to make breakfast and only listen to him shower and get dressed.

"good morning!" spencer chirps, practically skipping into the kitchen.

"morning!" i say back, putting pancakes on a plate for him. "here's your—" and i absolutely freeze in my spot at the sight of him in a dark tan jacket and slacks, a purple button up, and a matching gray tie. his hair is perfectly swooped across his forehead and he's grinning, practically glowing in his new outfit. "holy shit."

"you like it?" he holds up his arms a bit as if to gesture to his appearance.

i just stand and stare at him for another minute, clutching the plate in my hand so tightly that i fear i might break it. but spencer chuckles, taking it from me and placing it in front of the chair he always has breakfast in.

"i might not let you out of the house looking this good," i finally manage to say. "you'll come home with a new girl on your arm and forget all about me."

spencer pouts. "i'd never do that to you."

i grab onto his cheeks and lay a huge kiss on his lips. "i know you wouldn't. you look amazing, spence. even better than yesterday."

spencer comes home that night and beams about the compliments he got from his coworkers today and thanks me for encouraging him to expand his wardrobe. i don't accept his thanks because i'm just happy to see him feeling more confident in himself than ever.

however, my job is not done yet.

as much as he loves his new clothes, i give him a few weeks to adjust to his new normal. i let him get used to needing a few extra minutes in the morning to arrange an outfit and to the washing process before i spring something new on him. but once i can tell he's completely comfortable with his new wardrobe, i stop at the department store after work again.

"spence?" i call into the apartment as i kick my shoes off, clutching the paper bag in my hand.

"hi!" he calls back, emerging from the study with a book in his hand. "you're late."

i hold up the bag for proof. "i stopped at the store again." spencer follows me into the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed in anticipation. "well, first, i saw a couple more ties that i liked," i take those out of the bag and throw them over his shoulder. "but i got these!"

i pull out three perfectly folded pairs of sweatpants and four plain colored tee shirts. spencer unravels each item and then looks up with his eyebrows furrowed. "i don't get it."

"okay," i giggle, placing my hands on his shoulders, "when i go to work, i wear my skirts and blouses and heels, right?"

like the puppy he is, he tilts his head to the side in confusion. "right."

"and when i got to sleep, i wear pajamas. but between the blouse and the pajamas, i wear sweats. you, my love," i boop his nose and instantly, an adorable pink hue paints his cheeks, "don't own sweats. you go from suits to pajamas. and again, i'm not saying that i don't love the way you dress. i'm just looking out for your comfort. if you hate them, i'll return them. simple as that."

he runs his hands over the tee shirts and runs it between his fingers. "they are really soft."

"i got the ones that are 100% cotton because i know you like how it feels."

"i'll try it," he concedes, smiling up at me. "thank you. you're too good to me."

"you deserve the world, angel face."

the next day, he gets called away for a case and i don't see him for almost two weeks. we call and text as much as possible, but we both get so busy that it's nearly impossible. so i stick to sending him good morning and goodnight texts and praying that he comes home in one piece.

after nearly two and a half weeks without him, i come home and see his car in the parking garage where it always is. i squeal, running all the way to the apartment and bursting through the door.

spencer is lounging on the couch, thankfully in one piece, and reading a book, dressed in gray sweatpants and a white tee shirt. he looks up and grins when i enter, standing up and pulling me into his arms.

"i can't believe you're sitting here," i mumble into his neck, "and looking so good when i'm not around."

spencer laughs into my shoulder, kissing my small bit of exposed skin. "well, you're here now so you can enjoy it."

"you look so fucking hot," i blurt out, grabbing a handful of his cotton shirt and tugging him towards the bedroom. "let me show you just how hot i think you are."

"god, i love this new wardrobe."

[blasphemous-tiefling]

I think part of the reason why there’s so much discord in the MCU fandom has something to do with the varying directors for TFA, The Avengers, Winter Soldier, AOU, Civil War, Infinity War, and Endgame. And really, the backbone of the issue is how the different directors and how the audience interprets Steve’s character. Strap in. Because this is a long rant on a topic that normal people really don’t care about.

Joe Johnston created a Steve Rogers that was eager, begging to go to war. I absolutely adored the line in AOU when Steve says, “What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?” Because I feel that sums up Steve in TFA pretty well. He’s anti-bully. He wants to fight. But his whole life he’s been put down, stomped on. Steve repeatedly enlisting is both selfish and selfless. His conversation with Bucky in TFA is a great example of this. Steve says, “There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” And Bucky says, “Right. Because you’ve got nothing to prove.” And that’s it. Yes, Steve wants to fight because he’s always been bullied and doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way. Yes, Steve wants to fight because he wants to defend his country. But also Steve wants to fight because no one has ever given him a chance. Steve wants to fight because he wants his life to mean something. Steve wants to die in battle because he thinks it’s honorable. He wants to prove himself. Steve wants it so desperately for both selfless and selfish reasons, which is why he was so willing to take the serum despite the fact that Erskine told him about past failures. There’s even a certain selfishness to his sacrifice at the end of TFA. Many stories that involve sacrifice ride the line of selfishness and selflessness. By sacrificing himself, you could argue Steve is taking “the easy way out.” He’s distraught over Bucky’s death. He’s won the battle he’s been fighting since getting the super soldier serum. By sacrificing himself, Steve can effectively end the troubles caused by the Tesseract and leave without dealing with the consequences of his sacrifice. This point is a bit of a stretch, and not something that I personally agree with, but the thought it there.

Joss Whedon takes that selflessness and turns it into irrefutable righteousness, and it’s disgusting. Steve has a few goofy lines in The Avengers and AOU that I’ll laugh at, but ultimately, everything he does seems so out of character for him. His constant nagging and arguing with Tony is so unnecessary and doesn’t build friendship. His desire to do everything S.H.I.E.L.D. tells him to do is completely incorrect because Steve went against the military and broke the 107th out of the Hydra facility without permission and repeatedly did whatever he wanted without asking. His incessant need to have all the Avengers do as he says is totalitarian and unbearable to watch. Truthfully, this is where I think people misunderstand Steve the most because not everyone watches every solo movie. The Avengers movies are the biggies that most people won’t miss. So general audiences only see this righteous, dictator Steve Rogers and that really pisses me off.

This is one of the only times you’ll hear me praise the Russos, so get ready- Thank goodness Winter Soldier and Civil War follow Joe Johnston’s characterization of Steve. They even dig into his selfishness and rebellious streak, which I adore. Steve isn’t one to just blindly follow orders. Hello? Does “not a perfect solider but a good man” ring any bells? Perfect soldiers follow orders. Good men fight for what’s right even when the world is telling them not to. That’s who Steve Rogers is. What I adore about Winter Soldier so much is that we see Steve attempting to be this perfect soldier, but it’s just not sitting well with him. Something is fishy and weird. He talks to Peggy about her life. She says her only regret is that Steve didn’t get to live his. Steve talks to Sam about possibly getting out of government work. Sam is that representation for Steve- having a hard time finding out why he’s really in it to begin with. The entire film is about Steve going against the government, military, and S.H.I.E.L.D. with both selfish and selfless desires. He knows he needs to do something because Hydra is growing in S.H.I.E.L.D. but he also doesn’t want anything to do with it anyway, so why not tear it all down? Once Bucky is revealed as the Winter Soldier, Steve puts his life on the line to try to get him back. It’s selfish really. When Steve takes off his helmet and drops his shield, he made the decision to die because he wasn’t gonna continue to live without Bucky. Despite the fact that Steve made friends with Natasha and Sam, he didn’t care. All that mattered to him in that moment was James Bucky Barnes. This is very reminiscent of TFA when Steve breaks Bucky out of the Hydra lab. As the world’s only successful super soldier, Steve could’ve been very valuable to the American government and military. He was even doing mild good by helping sell bonds. But that didn’t matter. His country and his military was no longer priority number one. When it comes to Steve Rogers, nothing and no one means more to him than Bucky. Steve and Sam’s conversation that I previously mentioned also parallels this. After Sam lost Riley, he didn’t want to be in the military anymore. He said he felt like he was up there just to watch, nothing he could do. This is a direct parallel to how Steve feels about Bucky.

Civil War, while a trash movie, sticks with Steve’s selfish yet selfless motivations. “What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go and they don’t let us?” Not wanting to surrender his right to choose is Steve Rogers. He just put down S.H.I.E.L.D.- an organization that was giving him demands. Why would he sign his life away to the American government again? Corporations can be run by greed and corruption- something Steve doesn’t want the world to be full of but also something he doesn’t want his world to be ruled by. When Bucky is framed for killing King T’Chaka, Steve knows the Accords will bring Bucky in and possibly execute him. He can’t let that happen. And he asks Natasha not to get in his way because he doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt. He knows how dangerous Bucky can be, but he doesn’t want Bucky or anyone else getting hurt or in trouble due to this sticky Accords situation. Both selfish and selfless. I don’t even want to get into later in the film, but I guess I will. Guys, there’s no world, no universe, no place in time that Steve wouldn’t try to stop Zemo. Tony never even gave him the chance to explain himself. It was either, “Come with us or we fight.” Steve gathered that team together- not to fight Tony but to fight Zemo. It was never his intention to fight with Tony. He was just trying to stop Zemo. Now, when Tony learns about his parents’ death, anger is a valid emotion. Physically fighting and attacking Steve and Bucky to the point of death? Not valid or even remotely reasonable. It makes no sense as to why Tony would be that angry at Bucky- someone who was tortured and brainwashed to do what he did. Steve had his reasons for not telling Tony considering that when it comes to Steve Rogers, nothing and no one means more to him than Bucky. Of course, Steve was going to hide the truth from Tony in an effort to protect Tony, Bucky, and himself. Selfish yet selfless.

Infinity War gives us the glorious lines of “I’m not looking for forgiveness. And I’m way past asking permission. Earth just lost her best defender. So we’re here to fight. And if you wanna stand in our way, we’ll fight you too.” and “We don’t trade lives.” These lines beautifully sum up Steve’s rebelliousness and need to fight while also not risking others’ lives. He’ll always risk himself first. There’s not much to say about this film considering it’s mostly action and Steve shares the screen with just about every other superhero, so we’re not given a lot of time. But overall, the Russos kept that same Steve Rogers.

And then Endgame does a complete 180 and decides to serve us Joss Whedon’s Steve with a conservative, pro-military, unbelievably illogical twist. Steve’s obsession with Peggy in this film is so out of place. She would’ve died seven years prior in the MCU. Steve’s been living in the present with Natasha, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and T’Challa. That was his family. He lost Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and T’Challa in the Infinity War. It only makes sense that he would be fighting for them in Endgame. Yet he’s not. We’re beat over the head about how much he misses Peggy and it’s so unbelievably weird. Steve is never allowed to mourn Sam and Bucky specifically despite the fact that they were his number one companions. He never mentions them. Never has a touching reunion with Bucky. Barely has any reaction to Natasha’s death. It’s disgusting honestly. This is not “I will fight to my death for the people I love” Steve Rogers. And the ending is the most pathetic of all. There’s no world, no universe, no place in time that Steve would willingly go almost a hundred years away from Bucky and Sam, somewhere he wouldn’t fight for others. “Pretending you could live without a war.” I mean, come on. He’s Steven Grant Rogers. It’s disgusting to paint him as this man who would throw away his friendships and a world that is being bullied all for some girl he kissed once and barely knew. No. No, no. Not my Steve Rogers.

I give the directors a little too much crap. I’m fully aware that a whole team of people make these movies, but you can’t deny that Steve changes from movie to movie depending on the director. Endgame is the exception in which the directors were the same, yet they diverged completely from their original interpretation of the character. I’ve heard people say that it had to be an anti-gay agenda- that ending Steve’s story with Bucky would’ve been too gay even if they weren’t romantically involved, but I still think that’s pathetic. Honestly, I would’ve rather seen Steve die than have his character trashed and pooped on like this. From a narrative perspective, what happened in Endgame is not okay. Marvel Studios’ treatment towards “sideline” characters like Natasha, Rhodey, Sam, and Bucky- particularly in Infinity War and Endgame- is not okay. Yeah, I’m aware I get too heated over this fictional universe. But the characters are the only reason I stick around. The stories are lackluster for me. I’ve never been one to watch movies for action sequences. But I’ve always been in love with Steve Rogers as a character- complicatedly riding the line of selflessness and selfishness, dedicating himself wholeheartedly to a cause and to the people he loves. When in the end that character was completely scrapped and shredded in the garbage disposal like crust on bread or the skin of an apple, I’m gonna be angry for a long time.

[animealways]

obey me x twisted wonderland: our future

deuce x yuu(oc)

(spoilers for obey me)

yuu went down stairs and found their boyfriend cleaning the dishes. its been nearly 2 years since they graduate NRC. they grew up alot since then. deuce buying house after getting his dream job. the couple had to take a break from their relationship for nearly a year.

yuu had to go back to the demon realm since the demon brothers, diavolo and barbatos had agreed yuu would be perfect to way to bring the 3 realms closer. after all demons adopting and raising a magical human child would be the perfect example to show the other realms they are capable of taking other spieces needs in consideration. after a year of intense training yuu finally got a chance to relax and spend some proper time with deuce instead of visitng him for only a hour or 2 at random planned days wich wasn't enough considering it happen once every month or so.

yuu had been replaying possible out come of this conversation in their head over and over again. yuu knew this would happen at some point. they loved their family but being raised by demons made everything harder in their life including relationships. they knew that being with deuce would be dangerous.

'''hey deuce''

the navy haired man turned around and gave the a gentle smile. ''i'm almost done with the dishes. we can go on a walk or do whatever you like''

yuu smiled at how considered their boyfriend is. the fact deuce never got too pushy with his questions in the text he send, just letting them rant if they wanted/needed and always doing what yuu enjoyed when they visited knowing just how busy they are. they considered themself really fortunate that they ended up with a boyfriend with so much virtue.

oh how ironic

they thought to themself as deuce finished the dishes. ''well i actuelly wanted to talk to you about us'' yuu kept their calm demeanor but deuce tensed up as soon the words left their mouth.

''what do you mean? did i do something? because if i did i'm so-''

''no deuce you did nothing wrong''

''then whats wrong?''

yuu sighed and sat on the couch. deuce sat next to them and held their hand. he looked at them with a mix seriousness and concern. he knew when yuu wanted to sit down and talk like this it ment it wasn't something to take lightly.

''nothing, its just about the future'' ''what do you mean?''

he said having no clue where this is going but then again did he ever with yuu?

''i mean with me being the symbol of peace. my work load is far from done and alot of magical creatures are against it. its only gonna get harder from here. are you sure you want to go thru with this relationship? knowing it might bring you in danger, that i can never be completely honest with you or maybe never give you a normale, peacefull life you always wanted?''

''yuu i know this wasn't going to be easy and after everything that has happened. i know we will get thru this together.''

yuu gave him a sad smile. they loved his willingness to work things out but they we're sure he didn't understand the actuel weight of the topic. hell how could he? yuu never told him about being a descendent of a reincarnated angel and thanks to their magic being out of controle changing their dna, so now they actually are a angel or well partly.

oh for diavolo sake how just how could they ever explain that to him. simple, they couldn't. they just can't, its just too dangerous.

''deuce you don't see the full picture here'' deuce narrowed his eyes at his partner. ''what do you mean?'' yuu frowned and looked down at the floor. ''i'm not normale, in every sense of the word. my magic is so strong the demon brothers even needed to seal magic at some point to keep it under controle. what if...''

''what if? what?'' yuu sighed again ''what if you want a family and something like this happens to your child?'' deuce eyes widened in surprised. he never thought this is what his partner was worrying about but then again they always seemed to be 5 steps ahead of things even back at NRC. he thought about, he actuelly did it quite alot. daydreaming that 1 day he could be a proud father of a child but he never thought about what it ment for yuu.

he knew yuu magic was more then he could ever dream of handling. having a child like that... would he be able to care for them? it took multiple demons and a immortal sorcerer in order to get yuu to controle their magic.

''now, deuce do you really think you can stay with me if your future is gonna be like that?''

yuu remembers the amount of stress their magic could cause the demon brothers they could only inmagine how deuce would react in the situation. deuce looked at yuu eyes glue to the floor.

''look whatever the world or your magic might throw at us. you are the best thing that had happened to me ever since NRC. i'm not leaving you.''

''even if it means you could never have a family?''

''yes, i will be sad but i will survive''

yuu smiled at him. deuce held them tight. little did deuce know that yuu would have to continue living long after he died due to the angel blood in them along with any child of his. something that dawned on yuu often but for now they will enjoy each other presents for as long as they could.