#youre self assured

[vhgr]

alicent hightower & control.

i think alicent is fascinated by it. we have to understand that alicent is not the kind of person to burst at any given chance. no, those fits only happen at specific times. they happen when she has no more room left to occupy. alicent doesn't grasp for control because she's losing her stance, she does it because it feels good. this comes in little doses, at first. until the eventful appearance of the green dress. then, alicent fully steps up as the queen. she steps up as someone who wants to count, who no longer wishes to blend in the background. but control is much more than just entertaining your authority on others just because you can. control can be present in the little things. alicent grasps for control, because it's a comfort. alicent likes to step her foot down; but that always comes with testing her limits. and depending on the situation, she likes the thrill of that. albeit, in truth, what would be ideal, is balance; and i mean on a personal level. either with someone with whom alicent doesn't have to be authoritative with, or someone who can challenge her reins, without compromising her.

[turtlecleric]

Imagine.

You've been friends with Rise Leo for so long, that you can't seem to remember a time when he wasn't there teasing you with his signature smirk.

It was always jokes with him. Puns. One liners. Horrible cringe pick-up lines. You name it, he'd say it.

Word play was the game and boy did he know how to play. The dumber they were, the harder you laughed.

You always seemed to be laughing around him. It felt…nice. Just to be silly, let the weight of your world roll off your shoulders just for one moment.

You guessed why that's why it was so easy for you to fall into a habit of teasing him back. Y'all both just needed a reason to laugh.

But…you weren't laughing now.

There, he stood in front of you, with that signature smirk on his lips, telling you that he had feelings for you.

That he ALWAYS had feelings for you; he just never had the words for it until now.

You tilted your head at that, your brow narrowing in confusion as you began to rub a hand nervously over your arm.

So you did what you always did. What he would always do when it came to uncomfortable feelings.

You brushed it off with a laugh, missing the way Leo’s hands flexed at the sound.

You looked up at Leo with a shaky smirk, mirroring his own face, your eyebrow quirked teasingly.

“This is a joke right? I'm missing the punchline here. You've never cared about serious feelings like this before, so why start now?”

Leo’s eyes widened slightly, his stomach sinking as he watched you shake your head with that disbelieving and exasperated smile that he had come to love so much.

His hands slowly curled into white-knuckled fists as he watched you literally laugh away his confession.

You thought… you thought this was a joke. That he wouldn't take these real feelings seriously.

Leo’s gaze narrowed as his attention sharpened into focus on you.

Very well then.

Leo would show you just how serious he could be.

Imagine.

All of those jokes, all of that teasing, that ADHD intellect, that strategy, that charisma and charm directed solely on you.

Imagine.

Every comment, every look, interaction and touch becoming calculated, purpose driven and direct.

Focused. On. You.

Imagine.

Leo wanting to show you what serious intention looks like.

Because it was NEVER a joke when it concerned you.

~Ninja

[goodcastlegazette]

ep 9 of the fireside chat hit me upside the head into the astral realm and I saw her say this

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I just saw the excellent post about Chuuya's loyalty and 1) how he hasn't questioned his philosophy and 2) "In a world where a "path" typically involves challenging the characters' philosophies and forcing them to reevaluate, what the hell is going to have to happen to get Chuuya to do the same?" (quoting you)

Chuuya is always used by others. He's not the only BSD character whose been taken advantage of, but it does seem to be reoccurring with him? First by the government who intended to use him as a super weapon, then by the Sheep who used him for his ability, then by mafia/Mori (getting him to join in exchange for sparing the sheep, keeping his past from him and giving him incentive to become an executive and stay in the organization). He's constantly used for his power.

Please tell me if I'm misinterpreting what you all said, but it seems (to me) that Chuuya ignores the mafia's/Mori's manipulation because they have helped him and given him a home+family, so he's instead loyal to them.

Because even though Mori has not and is using him for his power, he still allows it/goes along with it because they've helped him in the past and earned his loyalty.

So Chuuya tolerates being used.

He's now being used again, obviously, in part, because of his power. We have Fyodor referring to him as just his ability and bragging about how he can "use" him better than Dazai ("doesn't that mean you're unfit to USE a gravity manipulator")

Do you think it's possible that just being vamped and used again will cause him to reflect on his mentality? He's once again being used (but be it in far more blatant way: literal mind control. Also reminds me of Verlaine+his creator). Reflecting on how he's been used in the past and no longer accepting being used by others anymore?

Or do you think it might have the opposite affect and push him deeper into the mafia somehow

Also it's interesting that Fyodor is using him but hasn't earned his loyalty (like the sheep+mafia) and how that'll affect Chuuya

I'll get to the second ask in a bit but I'm combining these because they're related.

About the first ask: I mean, yeah, you're right about this. I don't know that I'd consider it so much "ignoring" though as "the benefits outweigh the costs so whatever", and I do want to state that I'm pretty sure Mori is genuinely at least a little fond of Chuuya (see: their conversation about leadership at the end of Fifteen), and his Mafia colleagues do respect him.

But yeah, you are absolutely right to say that there is a pattern of people who want Chuuya for his ability and his loyalty, and/or reduced him down to these traits. Playing hot potato with the escaped military lab experiment and the Mafia won (<-simplification for the funnies but still).

But here's the thing: if this was the end of it, we might expect to see some resentment mixed in there from Chuuya. He was blackmailed with the Sheep's lives. His past was intentionally locked away from him until he worked his way up to executive. That's... not great.

But instead we find pretty much only gratitude from him. Why?

Well, see, there's a reason I put the return of Chuuya's screwed up self-concept in the tags on that post, because it's kind of at the heart of his impressive loyalty. Chuuya believes that since he is the one with the strongest power, that makes him responsible for protecting everyone else, which means that he rationalizes any concern or protection directed at him as something "above and beyond", and worthy of recognition and repayment. Remember that he genuinely felt like just a vessel for power and nothing else for apparently quite a bit of his childhood, and the Sheep emphasizing that he owed them for taking him in probably did not help.

When it comes to having his back, the Mafia did this for him in a way no one else did. They protect their own, a value that aligns closely with Chuuya's own personal philosophy. The Mafia is also relatively safe from external threat, if we recall Dazai's pitch to Odasaku in Day I Picked Up Dazai - Odasaku is being targeted, but no one in their right mind would challenge the Mafia just to get to him. So, the Mafia has provided Chuuya with protection, comradery, and relative safety, which in my mind all condenses into a central need that takes precedence over everything else to him.

Chuuya's core need is actually stability.

And this makes quite a bit of sense. He started off as a kid with no memories and a whole lot of trauma he couldn't remember the roots of. One's past is a source of stability, but that had been taken from him. His position as leader of the Sheep was shaky. Even his identity as a human being was called into question. Chuuya as a kid and teen was largely untethered, separate from everyone else with no way to ground himself. Under those circumstances, something that originated as a chain could easily become a safety rope.

And once Chuuya found this stability, there was really no need for him to change anything. So he didn't. He settled into his new role and became really, really good at it, and didn't bother to re-evaluate beyond that. Why would he? That minimal core need has been met, despite the rocky beginning.

Which brings me to this second ask because it's actually incredibly relevant. Yes, Chuuya and Sigma are alike. You are not losing it anon.

Let's run a list, shall we? They both awoke with no memories and a missing history, and had their humanity called into question. They were used and blackmailed repeatedly, which they were, fortunately and unfortunately, consciously aware of. When they find something that matters to them, they become violently defensive of it. They both operate on principles of reciprocity and transaction because that is what they believe to be normal in relationships (Sigma's ability even is quite literally a transaction!). They both have pretty low standards for their assistance (Sigma hearing one (1) single person (Atsushi) be kind to him in what he thought were his last moments, Chuuya "You have helped Chuuya! Chuuya will now kill and die for you!" Nakahara).

Above all else, they are looking for stability. They are looking for a home.

As of yet, Sigma hasn't found a true home, but it seems we may be building up to him joining the ADA. The key part is Sigma's realization that the Agency doesn't rely solely on transaction. Dazai is not using the Agency, the Agency is not using Dazai. The Agency members are all helping each other. They care about each other.

Meanwhile, Chuuya has already found a place that provides his core need, but there's one caveat about the Mafia that should be clarified here - as Odasaku says in Dark Era, people within its ranks don't talk about personal matters and feelings with each other, and everyone instead keeps to themselves. If you don't talk about your issues or air them out, relations tend to stay personally shallow and dictated almost entirely by the demands and positions of the organization. This is not a conducive environment for reappraisal or self-exploration.

Unfortunately, this is ideal for Mr. Chuuya "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die" Nakahara.

Chuuya has found some measure of stability - solace in his own self-defined identity in spite of the initial ambiguity as to his humanity. "This is who I am", "Till those flames die down, I can't just do whatever I want", "I'm gonna do what I need to do", etc. But importantly, this identity is entangled in whichever group he happens to be a part of, which in this case is the Mafia. This kind of self-identity cannot exist without the structure of an organization. It relies on the reciprocity of a group.

Moreover, it relies on Chuuya showing very little vulnerability. Compartmentalize, and move on. He expects that of himself.

So, we've established that Chuuya has his core need for stability met by the Mafia - a relatively secure place that runs on transaction, which is familiar to him - yet it also doesn't push him out of his comfort zone with respect to emotional vulnerability and openness. What this means is that, in the Mafia, Chuuya is practically invincible, both physically (his ability, his martial arts prowess) and emotionally (personal life kept hidden and guarded as a Mafia expectation).

Unfortunately, this means Chuuya also remains stagnant as a character, which finally, finally brings me back to your original question anon.

No, I don't think the vampirism is enough to trigger change in Chuuya's character. Chuuya has some standards, and treating him like a tool (and Dazai's tool, no less) is going to seriously piss him off, but that's anger at Fyodor, and it doesn't impact his stability with the Mafia any which way. If Chuuya had've been forced to activate Corruption to escape the drowning then maybe he would've been angry with Dazai enough for something to shift (activation being his own choice is a huge theme with them), but since he didn't, I expect Chuuya will unfortunately just shrug it off and roll with it. Probably yell at him for a bit, but nothing that would have far-reaching consequences for his character unless there is something about his current situation we don't yet know.

I think for Chuuya to grow and change as a character, he needs something major to shift in his life - the threat has to come from within his place of security. He needs to be destabilized. Something needs to happen that specifically targets his tethers and his self-concept.

Personally, my money's on the destabilization of his bond with Mori, who he has the most respect for, because that might trigger development related to leadership and goals, but I guess we'll see. I think it'll probably be incredibly heart wrenching and hurt us all severely, whatever it is.

Huh. I wrote a lot. Congrats for making it to the end! I'm going to sleep now. :D

—

Edited by removing the entire middle section because it was absolute garbage and probably should’ve been its own post. I hope the rest of this holds up. That’s what I get for writing things at 2 in the morning I guess.

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

[uncanny-tranny]

I often see this impulse from other trans men* that involves hypervigilance of being one of the "good men" who set ourselves apart from the men who hurt others, and I wonder if this ultra-policing actually prevents us from being "bad"

I wonder if agonizing about doing everything "right" is only contributing to poor mental health of trans men* because you are seeing a distorted, monstrous version of yourself, somebody with whom you have to kill off. It forces you into this space of having to be perfect, to beat yourself up over any perceived infraction.

And I just don't think it's an effective measure to ensure we are "one of the good ones." Constantly treating yourself as the beast, treating yourself like a leper who has no place in the civilized world? How does that ensure that you both treat others well but also ensure that you aren't fucking miserable every single moment you're not alone?

[fellhellion]

Something something both A and N engage in self alienation (from one's nature/past) to cope with trauma

[candlewinds]

- If you tell me you wish to give up, I’ll understand. - I must’ve been really disobedient in my past life. Hearing you say that makes me more determined. I want to push through.

ROOKIE HISTORIAN GOO HAE RYUNG (2019)

[marina-grace]

you are the prize. and if no one has ever tell you that, you are the prize. your worth is not dependent on what other people say about you. your worth is what you are from the moment you were born. you were put this earth to be loved. you deserve the very best things in life. you deserve unconditional love. if there’s someone out there who isn’t treating you like the prize that you are, why are you with them? because they’ve done absolutely nothing to show you that they deserve you. if anything, they are telling you just how little worth they see in you right now, they are telling you that you have no good future with them, at least never a future where they are treating you well and giving you everything that you deserve. if you wouldn’t want to give someone else a future like that, why would you want that for yourself?

— if you see yourself as the prize that you are, would you really stay with someone who tells you you’re not?

don’t delude yourself, you know you wouldn’t hesitate to walk away.

marina grace

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

Considering how buggy is insecure would he even felt secure if shuggy happened? Like, would he think he’s enough? Believe in shanks feelings? Especially with shanks being so chill, I honestly can’t imagine shanks getting jealous or, even with how much we love to portray them this way, simping towards buggy? And yeah, I know it will not happen, just thinking about their dynamic. Your post made me think about how big buggy insecurities actually are.

mm, yeah, that is something i’ve speculated about a little now and then. (i believe the end of this post is where i got into it in most detail.)

i think teen buggy would end up overwhelmed with doubts about his place in shanks’ life if they got involved romantically—but i think he was pretty overwhelmed with doubts about his place in shanks’ life regardless, you know? it’s the same insecurity, regardless of what type of relationship they have.

in present day, on the other hand, i feel like shanks would have to do so much work to convince buggy to give him a chance in the first place that it would be difficult for buggy to still doubt the sincerity of his feelings, lmao

like, maybe shanks appearing indifferent to someone flirting with buggy would make buggy feel insecure? but i think it would be more likely to piss him off.

[julie-su]

Dress in a way that terrifies parents and makes 14 year olds widen their eyes in envy and inspiration

[thesherrinfordfacility]

i am full body raging about this bullshit

like don't get me wrong if you're an east coast yank I'm genuinely happy for you

but prime premiere website literally states early screening is 26th, but now we have to go black out for 10 days starting the 18th

im so fucking angry this is a disaster waiting to happen, why the fuck did they bother getting so worked up about The Spoiler when youre pulling this shit jfc

if i see ONE SINGLE spoiler please know that there is NO CORNER OF THE EARTH where i will not find you and skin you alive 🥰

[columboscreens]

[henrysglock]

those spicy byler polls get over a hundred votes on most polls. what are you gonna do? arrest all of us voters? are you the cops? there’s nothing morally wrong about engaging with byler sex content and I will die on that hill. they are fictional characters, and we can do whatever we want. of course people are free to criticize all they want, but that doesn’t mean people will stop liking what they like lmao. “It’s not lost on me.” What are you the puritan morality police??

a hit dog will holler 🤷🏼 i said what i said and you immediately came barking in my inbox.

“that doesn’t mean people will stop liking what they like” so you agree? you like thinking about teenage boys screwing?

[reactionimagesdaily]

Submitted by @kane-wolf

[unhealthy-leon-brainrot]

i would like to thank every single leon x reader fic writer who has written about reader being generally insecure about their self and their worth in the relationship 💐😭

(if you’ve written one, please reblog with a link to your fic!! i promise you ill read it and hype it up !!!!! i seriously love supporting the leon kennedy nation!!! 💞)