#zoro crack

[hinata-boke]

why is his smile so radiant

[zorosleftmantit101]

One piece men reacting to you telling them.

"-You make my heart feel warm"

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, kid, killer, buggy, crocodile, corazon, shanks, ace, sabo, mihawk, smoker, Katakuri

A/N: Thought I should probably throw in some fluff a lil bit of crack.

I made Sabo a lil french man ❤️

C/W: fluff, Swearing, mentions of heart attacks, mentions of telling ppm to kts.

Luffy:

"Are you having a heart attack?"

Zoro:

"me?" Staring at you with disbelief.

"No Zoro the fucking wall... yes you!"

Growls and pouts at you being an ass but will pull you into his lap.

"You make my heart feel warm too~"

"What was that Zoro?"

"NOTHING I UHH TOLD YOU TO KILL YOURSELF!"

Sanji:

What are you gonna say at my funeral now that you've killed me.

"A loving partner and a strong fighter, Sanji will br forever missed"

Sanji

2004- 2023

Death by nose bleed/s

Kid:

"Yeah well your a shit."

Your sad cause you was just tryna be a cutie

Dw I got you come to me *licks lips deviously*

As your walking away all sad Kid yanks your arm so your sitting on his lap.

"I guess you make my heart feel things too, but dont go letting that get to your head!"

Killer:

"Oh cool didn't know I could do that"

He's not dumb he's just being a dickhead on purpose to get a reaction out of you.

Buggy:

"I do? I- uhhh I mean OF COURSE I DO I AM THE GREAT MPPH-"

Shut this man up with a massive smooch or a fist to the face your choice.

Crocodile:

"Is that so darling~"

His calloused fingers motion for you to come forward.

Walking towards him as he sits at his desk he pulls your hand into his brining it to his lips.

"Your so cute doll, one day im going to put a ring on this finger make you mine- make your heart only warm for me~"

Mihawk:

"Ok"

Corazon:

Grabs your wrist kissing it while smiling before twirling you and dipping yoy in his embrace

"Mm you make me heart bloom like the flowers in a thousand springs my love~"

You where ready to ravish the man right there if he didn't trip sending the two of you crashing to the floor..

Ace:

"Say on god"

Sabo:

"You flatter me Mademoiselle, my heart warms at your affection as well"

Shanks:

"Thats kinda gay"

Smoker:

"Oh thats nice umm you make my heart feel... umm..."

*proceeds to walk away out of sheer embarrassment*

Katakuri:

"Are you /srs or /j"

[ascesabo]

the great irony of early one piece antagonists believing zoro was the actual captain and using luffy as a puppet ... oda really threw us a bone and curb-stomped it right in our faces. yes, zoro could be a captain in his own right. yes, zoro could match luffy in strength. yes, zoro knows this perfectly well. and you know what? he chose luffy two years ago, and he will continue to choose luffy again and again. roronoa zoro, the pirate hunter, who followed a wannabe pirate with a nonexistent crew on a whim because luffy brought him his swords and made a half-assed attempt at a bargain. zoro, who made a vow to never lose again on both his and luffy's honor. zoro, who told luffy he'd make him commit harakiri if he got in the way of zoro's goal, only to turn around and be willing to sacrifice his dream if it means that luffy reaches his. zoro, who stood in place and took luffy's pain and told a warlord to take his head instead of luffy's, who got down on his knees before his supposed rival and begged mihawk to mentor him so that he could return strong enough to protect his captain. zoro, who has conqueror's haki- a natural born leader- but chooses to stay at the right hand of a man he has deemed greater than himself.

and the thing that luffy fears most? being alone. being rejected. being left behind. and what should have been his foil- the pirate hunter to his pirate king, the nonbeliever to his divine, the king of hell to his sun god- instead becomes his first and most devout follower; the one who demands to follow him to hell and back. oughhhggg i'm sick to my stomach

[lokh]

so ive been thinking so hard about that transfem butch zoro au.

i feel like at the Very beginning (after kuinas death) she does try to present real feminine like but it doesnt feel like Her and eventually she stops doing it (and in any case its not like kuina was super feminine so why would she try to be like that??)

on the other hand she HAS to make sure everyone knows shes a woman when she beats their ass and becomes the worlds greatest swordsman. so sports bras (or equivalent whatever) and open shirts are a staple

i think she would do hrt (or equivalent Whatever) because again she wants to prove that kuina could have done it. unfortunately i do also think this means she trains about 1 million times as hard

trans sanji............. coming to the realisation that maybe she Wants to be taken care of by a hot butch........................ as a pretty femme

[generalkiira]

its the hello kitty tv for me

[ahkeb]

New whatever the hells just dropped

[whatwasoncewas]

Zoro: I am a lone wolf and will become the world's strongest swordsman, I listen to no one Also Zoro: Luffy: sit! Zoro: sits Luffy: shake! Zoro: shakes hand Luffy: Good boy! Zoro: is very proud Sanji in the distance: I listen to no one my ass... unlike you moss head I am a ladies man! I only listen to the ladies- Luffy: Sanji! Lunch! Sanji: proceeds to make Luffy the most delicious lunch in all of one piece

[zaritarazi]

(x)

[joi-me-hoi-me-noi]

Winning against them in a fight - OP!

This includes: Shanks, Luffy and Zoro

TW: blood... only a bit but still including this!

SHANKS -

You watch as he wipes the blood from his nose with the back of his hand. He was smiling, adjusting the hat on his head. Why the fuck was this man smiling at you?

"What's so funny?" You walk toward him, cracking your knuckles with a slight upturn in your lips.

He stands, his build towering over your smaller one. He spits on the ground and tilts his head at you.

"Nothing's funny, I'm just happy a pretty little thing like you is taking the time out of your day to fight little ol' me."

Heat makes its way to your facial features as you place your hand over your mouth to hide your smile. He sure as hell knew how to make you flustered.

"Shut it! Do you yield?" You ready your staff for another attack, eying his movements.

His crew watches from a distance, shocked that a 'pipsqueak like you' could take down their captain.

"I'll yield if you go on a date with me." He holds out his hand to you.

"Deal." You place your hand in his and put your staff back on your back.

You feel his hat sit on top of your hair as you adjust it to not block your sight. He throws you over his shoulder and walks back toward his crew of men.

"Alright men! Drinks on me tonight!"

LUFFY -

"Damn, did you eat a devil fruit too or something?"

Your eyes widened but then you laugh out loud. "You ate a devil fruit, I thought I'd be dead by now...you're pretty weak."

He tries again to hit you. You dodge yet again and smirk.

"You have bad aim too." You click your tongue and shake your head, smile still etched on your face.

He then shoots himself forward, screaming as loudly as humanly possible. You hold out your hand, gripping his neck as he struggles against you.

"Tap out." He doesn't listen to you, he's fading.

"Tap out before you die." He squeezes his eyes shut and then opens them, tapping quickly on your forearm.

You let him go and watch him fall to the ground, taking big gulps of air with tears in his eyes.

"You're not worthy to have me on your crew, small one. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll take my lea-" You look out to the ocean and your boat is sailing away...without you.

"WHATTHEFUCK!" Your hands cover your face and you let out a loud groan.

Luffy puts his hand on your shoulder and smiles at you. "You gonna join my crew now?"

"Yes captain, I will." A soft smile graces your face as he jumps up and down with happiness.

He then groans in pain and you hold out your hands, telling him to sit down. "Dawg, I hit you pretty damn hard in the ribs...do you want me to carry you?"

He tries again to get up and then just sits on the ground still.

"Yes."

ZORO -

"What the-" Your heel connects to the underside of his face.

He groans and doesn't go down.

You hum and smile at him. "That usually messes people up. Just a little bit of blood for you, cutie."

You point to your nose and he rubs underneath it, red liquid stains his knuckles. "Nice hit, but it won't happen again."

You smile and raise a eyebrow at the man in front of you. "Oh really? Let's see if you can keep up."

You rush toward him and sweep under his feet, causing him to fall. The katana in his hand presses against your neck as you straddle his waist and hold his wrist, pinning it to the ground. Your blood drips down his katana and you hum yet again.

"Very good. You got me but you put your guard down too quickly."

You pry both katanas out of his hands, deflecting the one in his mouth and holding the other up in the air, preparing yourself to stab him. Zoro tries to deflect it but misses entirely then the sword goes into the ground a few inches from his ear.

Still holding the sword, you lean down and whisper into his ear.

"We'll meet again. Don't let this happen again, I won't hesitate next time."

You remove yourself from him and walk away from him, not turning back.

He stays on the ground for a while before collecting himself and sheathing his katanas. He was utterly speechless at his performance with fighting you. You almost killed him.

"Definitely not letting that happen again."

[bby-deerling]

a shameless ripoff of @traffys meme about law

[inoreuct]

thinking about zoro being the crew's main protector.

it’s quite literally his role amongst the straw hats; luffy's captain, usopp's their sniper, sanji cooks, nami navigates, chopper's their doctor, franky's their shipwright, jinbei's their helmsman and brook's their musician but zoro? zoro's their swordsman. zoro’s their guardian. his job is to be the first line of defense and protect everybody else so they can focus on doing their own thing and sure, none of them really need protecting— but they don't have to worry about defending themselves, either, because whoever they can't or don't want to handle zoro will finish up (if he hasn't gotten to them first).

like imagine a bunch of idiots cornering one of the crew (bad idea.) and picking nami because she's the woman without a devil fruit, as opposed to robin (BAD idea.). they've got her surrounded in the dead end of an alleyway and have somehow neutralised her clima-tact and she’s not worried, she’s not.

but against twelve men and with her weapon essentially now just a regular staff, she might be panicking. just a little. she’s gotten a couple of them good enough that they’re down for the count before a chain wrapped around her ankle trips her. it pulls at enough memories, faded but never forgotten, to bring up a sickening wave of fear and anger— and nami decides that she’s had enough of the bullshit.

she takes a deep breath and screams. “ZORO!”

the silence afterwards is deafening. the wind shifts, gently lifting the pieces of hair stuck to her sweaty face, and the men laugh uneasily. one of them yanks hard on the chain and she spits at him, heels scrabbling against the dusty ground even as he starts reeling her in like a fish on a hook. “he can’t hear you, little missy,” he snickers, grin widening the longer nobody shows up.

it’s still on his face when his head slides right off his neck.

blood sprays right before his body crumples like a doll. it takes a second for the others to realise and then the screaming starts— none of them get any farther than three steps before zoro’s cutting them down, swift swings of his sword and almost surgically precise slices rendering them incapacitated if not plain dead.

“sorry i’m late, witch.” the swordsman’s breathing hard, gore dripping off his blades even as he arcs one down and snaps the chain off nami’s leg with a growl. “did they hurt you?”

“no. no, i’m fine,” nami breathes, her smile quivering just a little— not because she’s shaken, no. because she’s pissed.

zoro’s voice is gruff as always, but his hands are careful if not outright gentle as he kneels to inspect her ankle before pulling her to her feet. “stay close,” he mutters, making sure that she’s nodded before cutting them a path through the fray. they bump into chopper next, and the doctor’s out cold over zoro’s shoulder in his regular form by the time sanji joins them to guard their flank. nami’s taken to just using her clima-tact as a bat for now, and it’s admittedly efficient.

she knew zoro would come. he always does. for all that they bicker and snip at each other, zoro has always protected his crew— even when said crew was just three people on what could barely be called a boat. he’d fought for her at arlong park and he fights for her now, his sword slicing over her head at an enemy she can’t see as she ducks low to jam her staff into another’s stomach.

they’ve moved closer to their ship when they find jinbei, then robin, then usopp, then brook and franky, and then zoro’s yelling luff, time to go! and their captain’s launching them all back onto the Sunny with a gleeful cackle that makes nami wheeze a laugh as they land in a mildly painful pile of limbs. somebody’s elbow digs into her ribs and she’s pretty sure that’s sanji’s bony kneecap pressed into her lower back. the swordsman swears as he sets about trying to pry them all apart and luffy seems to be actively fighting him, based on how his cursing’s getting more and more colourful.

behind them, their enemies burn, sliced to pieces. they debrief in the galley and zoro refuses to come away from the door until nami drags him by the ear and sanji threatens to personally shove dessert down his throat. they both know it’s because zoro’s still guarding them from a threat that doesn’t exist anymore.

they know he pretends not to care as much as he does. they know he keeps his words blunt and his swords sharp, but zoro lets luffy hang off him, unfazed, and makes a marginal effort to stick to nami’s budget even when he’s getting booze, and he eats his dessert. every last bit. he lets usopp fire moving targets to slice through so they can both practice. he keeps collateral damage when sparring with sanji to a minimum. he stitches whoever needs it up himself when chopper’s a little too tired.

and when his crew calls, he answers.

(now with a part from nami’s pov!)

[biscuitboba]

I will never stop thinking about this particular scene from OPLA Japanese dub???

(thanking mayumi tanaka and kazuya nakai everyday for bringing anime (and now LA dub too) version of luffy and zoro to life with their incredible voices)

[credit for the video & translation: @/aitaikimochi on twitter]

[zorosleftmantit101]

One Piece characters as tweets I found stupidly funny Part 1

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Robin, Law, Kid, Bartolomeo, Ace, Sabo, Shanks

A/N: shit posting is my superhero

C/W: swearing, idk like general shit post stuff,

Luffy: you'd be amazed at how many times i've fucked around without finding a single thing out

Zoro: sunscreen smells so good i be lathering that shit all up on my nuts

Sanji: when the parmesan wont come out of the container so u have to spank its little ass

Usopp: This is the worst video I've ever watched. I'm going to kill myself now thank you

Nami: My husband finally confessed to me that he's depressed and thinking about ending it all because he thinks I'd be better off without him.

I always thought he was strong and reliable, and seeing this weak side of him is making me think he's probably right.

Robin: why do they call it horseplay ive never seen horses play. they're always just standing there like they saw someone get shot

Law: noise cancelling headphones aren't enough i need everyone to die

Kid: something about saying

"your honor"

dont sit right w me... send me to jail. i aint dickriding you

Bartolomeo: thank god my anal itching was hemorrhoids

Sabo: walking downhill is so embarrassing like ooo look at me doing a little trot like a stupid fucking horse i'd rather be dead

Shanks: not liking my posts is like seeing me lying in the street covered in blood and you just keep walking

Ace: MY DAD GOT ME THIS YEARS AGO, I think it was a ploy so l'd choose him in the divorce

@zorosleftmantit101 2023

[fanaticsnail]

"Can You Buy Me Supplies?"

Masterlist Here

Crack Dialogue

Summary: How the OP characters react to you asking them to purchase you sanitary items for your menstruation period. One sentence dialogue.

Robin, Franky, Chopper, Zoro, Sanji, Luffy, Nami, Usopp, Brook, Kid, Killer, Law, Mihawk, Crocodile, Buggy, Shanks, Beckman, Doflamingo, Corazon.

Notes: this goes out to my afab!readers who experience menstruation. Little HC on how I think they'd react to your request. Enjoy!

Apprehensive Tag List: @sordidmusings @feral-artistry @i-am-vita @since-im-already-here @writingmysanity @gingernut1314 @mfreedomstuff @carrotsunshine @vespidphoenix

Reaching for your Den-Den Mushi shell, you punch the buttons on the back of the receiver to relay your request.

You: "Hey, would you mind if you could get some things for me while you're out? I've just started my period, and I'm out of supplies."

Robin: "Already did, love. I'll also purchase some comfort foods for Sanji to cook for you to get you through it. We'll be back soon!"

Franky: "Super! Absolutely, I can! Did you want anything else while I'm out?"

Chopper: "Sure! I'm also getting flavoured pain relief for you, sugar makes it go down easier. And a bubble boba-tea. You want milky or fruity?"

Zoro: "Didn't you get your period last month? Didn't we get enough of the stuff last time?"

Sanji: "I have prepared soup, a heated blanket, a special sitting space to read by yourself, and I'll pick you up whatever you need. Let me take care of you, my sweet."

Luffy: "Supplies for a period? Like meat? Like a meat period? A period where we're only eating meat?"

Nami: "Hey, we're in sync! I am keen on a night in. Wanna share snacks, books and be in our pajamas for the rest of the day when we get back?"

Usopp: "I think I can do that? It's not intimidating, and I'm not scared at all. But just in case you think I am, would you mind telling me exactly what you need so I don't get it wrong?"

Brook: "Yoo ho ho ho hoo. Absolutely I will."

Eustass Kid: "What size pussy ya got?"

Killer: "Do you want one of each of the sizes? Is there a preference to what type you want? Gotta help me out a bit, here."

Law: "Did you check my office steel cupboard? I've got the back ups in there. Are they the right size, or do you have a preference for a different style? Actually, while you're there, would you mind telling me if we're out of gauze strips and bandages? Do we have enough pain relief?"

Mihawk: "Check the drawer beneath the sink in your ensuite. I resupplied last week in preparation for your upcoming cycle. I also bought wine and dark chocolate. They're in the kitchen if you need them."

Sir Crocodile: "I'll send for some for you. While we wait: would you prefer if I embrace you to give you some body heat for comfort, or leave you alone to grit through the pain?"

Buggy: "Fuck yes, not preggo! Yesssss! Okay, I'm heading out. You want the usual, or do you want me to get you a different style? You know, shake it up for a change? Wanna try one of them cups that keep it all up in there? Hah, would a party popper work?"

Shanks: does not pick up the shell, and shows up the following week as if nothing happened. Beckman, however, sends you a care package with usual supplies with an apology on behalf of his captain's lack of care.

Beckman: "Just the usual, or do you want a weighted heating sack too? I can also pick you up some new pajamas and comfortable socks from the tailor beside the store. Tell me what you need."

Doflamingo: "No. Suffer."

Corazon: does not speak and taps the speaker end of the shell in alphabetised code "You. Want. Tampons. Or. Pads. ?. Can. Also. Get. Pain. Relief. Medication. .. What. Do. You. Need. ?. Do. You. Want. Chocolate. Or. Red. Meat. ?."

[sualne]

zoro warm up

[generalkiira]

ya can’t tell me sanji calling zoro ‘marimo’ isn’t the cutest thing ever like wtf is this even an insult at this point? more like a pet name tbh