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x•en: not a poem, but a small expression of things that grow and shrivel in my head like bacterium; growing at a curve incomprehensible to me.

smaller and smaller hills are tiring to me as less and less takes me down a rabbit hole of delusion and terror.

i haven’t written, can only devote my energy to validate my circumstance as kindly to myself as i can.

as honest as this is, i can’t help but draw a blind eye to myself in shame sometimes.

drawing and verse done by me 04/12/25.

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some midwest emo wants to keep that 2014 tumblr grunge scene alive

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x•en: excerpt from my poem "you are not forgotten,' written after a pretty icky hiatus. it was a nice mind-journey thinking about the part of our humanity that makes us as permanent as we possibly can be.

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i have never met a part of me so completely whole. i have a body so intricate and expansive, something here made out of profound grief and profound joy and wonder.

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x•en: poem draft i wrote out last night. thinking about our earliest lives, young fires hosting strangers’ echos of stories and timeless laughter, timeless fear. what did they think was behind them, to verify they were facing forward?

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little sketch portraits

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x•en: another poem loosely about schizophrenia. the vulture is still proud despite picking itself alive.

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sun-drenched smoke

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x•en: a poem reflecting on the reality of trying to keep up with life after being heavily and irreversibly su*cidal for most of my life going through trauma. the poem itself isn’t the best by any means and i will be editing it for better versions, but i do enjoy the illustration that i could do to emphasize the lengths i have reached in the past.

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x•en: had fun with this design

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x•en: a draft, unnamed.

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x•en: a messy sketch portrait inspired again by arcane. wondering if i should keep it messy like this or render further. either way i really enjoy this sketch! also love adding the necklace detail, i found a large washer on the sidewalk yesterday and snatched it.

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x•en: a poem a wrote some months ago about growing up religious and developing a skewed perception of my role and relationship to others. it’s largely about the awareness of my mother and the complications of being the first daughter, and reflecting on how uncomfortable the experience was after growing away from religion.

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x•en: an illustrated infographic on the history/origin of fungal gardens kept by leafcutter ants! mycelia has been a heavy fixation for me for a while, and i have been dedicating a sketchbook to drawing insects and other lesser appreciated things. researching this was insightful and very rewarding. and i loved drawing and writing all of this.

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x•en: excerpt from “would you believe me if i told you.” when i have nothing left to stay nourished, my insides sporulate with any remaining moisture and any remaining air. and from the decomposition, i will rake up into a new body made from my dead parts.

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x•en: ink drawing of a pigeon :) fun to ink in this scratchy style for value building.

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:micro excerpt from a poem i am writing about saturday and my closest friends.