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We truly underestimate how THIRSTY gothamites would be for Batman.

First off: The fact that Gotham citizens haven’t mass migrated to other cities tells me they’re absolute freaks. Yeah, you can get an apartment for 13$/mo, but chances are, Joker’s either gonna be your roommate, or neighbor. Not worth it.

Secondly: He’s big tiddy goth gf personified.

He cannot get any work done because he’s catcalled. Constantly. Sometimes during interrogations.

“You can tell me where Penguin’s next hit is gonna be, or I can smash your fingers.”

“Smash ME!”

Bruce, with the biggest sigh ever to exist: Please go back home, random civilian.

It gets particularly worse after he starts adopting the batkids, because now, not only has he achieved gravity shattering MILF status, he’s so busy with child rearing he sometimes forgets to shave.

Gotham twitter starts going crazy for the #Batbeard, and it gives the batkids severe brain damage. Everytime someone tweets about wanting to ride Bruce’s face, a piece of their soul dies.

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so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

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ok but chris is turning 15 in s9 so let’s make the skateboard storyline come full circle and let’s have buck buy chris a car and modify it so it’s accessible for chris to drive

buck does the research, he gets the permits, he deals with consultants, he works day and night to modify this car and surprises chris (and eddie) with it so chris never has to miss out on driving a car and the freedom that comes with that

and then he’s also the one to teach chris to drive because eddie is a passenger princess through and through

and eddie is inches away from proposing to buck then and there

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POV: You're a gothamite and interrupted their little batfamily chit-chat session.

Art by Dylan Burnett (Instagram: @dylrburnett)

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Alright in hindsight it is kind of funny that seemingly at first the writers were like “we’re going to have this one-off character who’s basically going to exist for one episode to be the frustratingly impossibly perfect foil for buck,” when writing eddie’s character for the first time.

but then eddie worked so well as a character that they were like “okay, well, we just introduced a Jennifer Love Hewitt character who’s not obviously paired up, so he can be her love interest,” but then jlh had the brilliant idea that maddie should be paired up with chimney and so that was out the window.

So they probably just started really developing the buck/eddie friendship thinking that it made for a fun dumb-and-dumber style best friendship/comedic duo, and they could figure out the love interest thing for both of them in the future. Except they way overshot it and accidentally made them soulmates.

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toxic dysfunctional complex sibling relationships will always always be IT it'll always sweep it'll always top romance you can't undo a blood bond it'll always exist you can't unmake it it lives it lives you both breathe it and it lives even long after one or both parties are dead

this is why stories with compelling sibling arcs will always fuck you up irreversibly and in very specific way. it's like, you are my mirror you are my opposite you are my foil you are my blood i see myself through you i recognize myself because you exist and no one can ever destroy me quite the way you can.

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whenever i’m worried about buddie canon i remember that my straight 62-year-old father who is incredibly offline and has probably never even heard the words “fandom” or “buddie” watched one episode of 911 and thought that a) buck and eddie were dating and b) buck was christopher’s biological father. we’re not insane, they really are just Like That

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Tim, to Jason over lunch: I made a bingo card for different injuries I bet I'll get this year

Jason: That's interesting. I might try that but I got this gnarly stab wound I don't want to go to waste so I think I'll count that

Tim: Well, it's 11 am the first of January, so, I'm assuming you got it last month and in that case no

Jason: I'm not fucking dumb I got it today

Tim: ... Okay

Jason: It's actually I think still bleeding but I haven't gone to Leslie's. I've been putting it off for like five hours

Tim: I thought that was ketchup

Jason: NOOO THIS IS MY FAVORITE HOODIE

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Young Justice, begging Tim to take his mask off Bart: Come on, Robin, do it, man! Cassie: Take 'em off, Robin! Tim: Okay, fine! *takes off his mask* Happy? Everyone: *audibly gasps* Kon: Rob, I'm dripping.

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it‘s actually kind of wild to bring your son and aunt and a home cooked meal as an ENTIRE APOLOGY to your best friend for arguing with him

and still call it best friendism

no sir that’s husbandism

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i love the idea of eddie trying to woo buck and buck swooning and being all like ‘he’d be the perfect husband sigh too bad he’s straight’ all while eddie is trying to charm the pants off of buck - which is clearly not a straight thing to do - and eventually eddie comes to the conclusion that buck’s just not into him

idiot4idiot

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There is no fucking way

Robins #2

Jason looks like he's on a boyband cover, with that over the shoulder look

Tim's evil grin, ready to fuck some shit up

Dick's long hair

Steph's eyes being 40% of her mask

Damian's pineapple spiky hair.

What is not to love about this cover OMG

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Bruce doesn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch.

He’s just resting his eyes. That’s all. The living room is warm and quiet, the fireplace humming softly. His book is still open on his chest, and the throw blanket Alfred left on the armrest somehow ended up over his legs.

He wakes up to weight. Small, shifting, warm weight.

Cass is curled up on one side of him, knees tucked into his hip like a cat. Tim has claimed the other end of the couch, feet in Bruce’s lap, earbuds in, head tipped back and mouth slightly open in the kind of deep sleep only caffeine withdrawal can produce.

Jason’s on the floor, back against the couch, sharing popcorn with Duke as they watch some loud, low-quality horror movie. Stephanie is lying facedown on the rug with a bowl of grapes beside her. She’s not eating them, just throwing them at Damian every few minutes. He catches each one without looking up from his book.

Dick walks in with bags from that bakery Bruce likes but never goes to himself, and says, “Hey, Dad.”

Bruce should say something. Tell them to go home. Or at least use coasters.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, he shifts slightly, careful not to wake Cass or dislodge Tim’s legs, and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

This isn’t what he thought family would look like.

It’s louder. Messier. Theres's music playing from three different speakers. Someone else smells like gun powder and cinnamon. There’s glitter on the coffee table. There’s a dent in the ceiling no one will admit to causing.

But no one’s yelling. No one’s walking away.

They’re here.

They’re staying.

And Bruce… he’s starting to believe that maybe he doesn’t have to earn this over and over again. Maybe they love him just as he is, not as he was trying to be. Maybe he doesn’t need to be perfect for them to choose him.

There’s a pause in the movie. Jason asks, "You good?”

Bruce looks around at them—all of them, here, safe, alive—and nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m good.”

Jason throws popcorn at him anyway.

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But what if your little brother's Eco terrorist grandfather stole it??? What then???

“the heart wants what it wants”? okay well the heart is fucking stupid can we let someone else have a turn? maybe the spleen wants to have a go?

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Ok ik this probably isn't real but what if Alfred thought it would be fine if he just gave Tim the suit and told him "go, be free, don't die or you're fired" bc he forgot kids don't usually fight martial arts or given Bat Training™ from a young age. Imagine:

Alfred: Go be the light in these dark times, son.

Tim: thank you. I will.

*15 minutes later*

Bruce, kicking down the door, holding Tim by the cape and dangling him like a scuffed cat: ALFRED WHAT THE HELL!

Alfred: Sir! That was mahogan-

Bruce: You can't just let him go out there! He didn't even know how to punch correctly!!!

Alfred: Whatever do you mean, he should have learned that by now.

Bruce:

Alfred:

Bruce: ... W h a t

Alfred: Young Mr. Drake should have learned by now several martial arts. I mean when you were 11, you-

Bruce, absolutely tired: Alfred.

Alfred: -And by 16 he'll be ready for aerial combat. When I enlisted, lying about my age, I took to the planes rather fast-

Bruce: ALFRED.

Alfred: Don't shout at me, Master Bruce, it's unbecoming. What is it?

Bruce, holding up Tim higher to be in Alfred's line of sight and gesturing vaguely at the small child: HE DOESN'T KNOW COMBAT. HE'S NORMAL.

Alfred: Normal? What do yo- oooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Bruce: YEAH. 'OH' IS RIGHT!!!

Alfred: ... What did I just say about shouting? It's unseemly, Master Bruce.

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Hi :)

Guess who ran out of fics to reaaaadddddd

Ok so I need something that's like the batkids just appreciating Bruce. Like maybe something with that headcanon that they freak out when realizing he's getting old, maybe something with them being overprotective, them just like maybe being in a situation where they were reminded of their father and suddenly they just understand and appreciate him a little better, idc if it's angst idc if it's fluff or even if it's freaking crack, I'm just in my Bruce feels so if you would please rec some I beg, any with Bruce just dying/heavily injured leading to batkids self reflection is also appreciated

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when Damian has his hair down he also has middle part..he once ran out of gel and all everyone saw was an angry little Tim walking around the manor threatening people with death by his sword if they spoke about his hair..Tim found it adorable and took a picture to keep reminding himself that everyone in the family wasn't actually that different..