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Pierre Mornet’s illustrations / India Stoker

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humboldt county, california by oli tags, c. 2019-20.

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Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

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The Summer 2025 Reading Challenge is Live!

I've been having a lot of fun making seasonal reading challenges on StoryGraph lately. I love a theme, and it's fun to come up with challenges that fit the theme and then books that fit the challenges. Now that the Spring Challenge is over, time for Summer!

This was 95% done over a month ago and then I completely forgot about it. But now we're live! Less than a week late! Woo!

The challenge is of course open to all to join over on StoryGraph, but you can also reblog, tag me, or send me an ask with your book choices, thoughts, progress, etc! Now for the prompts:

Oceans, Pools, Rivers, and Lakes

Read a book with a cover that depicts water gear: bathing suits, goggles, flippers, surf boards, wet suits, etc.

Summer Heat

Read a book that takes place somewhere that's warm most of the year. Somewhere close to the equator, in a warm future, on a warm planet, in a tropical land, etc.

Camp Bookworm

Read a book that takes place at a summer camp - doesn’t matter if the camp is in operation or if it's defunct/the off season. Good opportunity for a horror read!

The Longest Day of the Year

Read either a time loop book, or a book that takes place entirely over the course of one day.

Summer Vacation

Free space! Knock something off your TBR. Or don’t. Read whatever!

Beach House

Read something you would leave behind at a beach house rental for others to read OR a book you would steal from the bookshelf of a beach house rental.

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😇😈

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this one bit from Tom Cashman's "after the fall" special is one of those stories where when the turn happens i GASPED out loud

also incredibly there's a follow up q&a with the girl mentioned immediately after this bit. anyway. absolute shakespearean level of shenanigans

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one TOTALLY NORMAL thing i do btw (i have mentioned this before i think) is that i've organized every single one of my 3,288 liked songs on spotify by the color of the album art. these are the categories:

so like, pink looks like this

red is like

orange looks like

and yellow is

then you have GREEN

i have more blue songs than any other color, because i like blue hjasgdhjg

i got ourple

and then a lot of the songs i like actually dont have any color in their album art so i made a black and white one too

i think everyone should do this.

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girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too

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They say some mother cats will adopt /anything/...

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ill spend my twenties investigating the healing properties of salt i dont know about you guys

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NORTHANGER ABBEY (2007)

dir. jon jones

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Helen Burns saying things that a totally normal, well-adjusted girl who you should Not Be Concerned About would say

"life is so soon over, and death is so certain an entrance to happiness"

"Are you happy here?"

"You ask rather too many questions"

"my wretchedly defective nature"

"We are, and must be, [...] burdened with faults in this world: but the time will soon come when [...] debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain, - [...] with this creed [...] I live in calm, looking to the end."

"nobody can be sure of the future"

"By dying young, I shall escape great sufferings. I had not qualities or talents to make my way very well in the world: I should have been continually at fault."

"when you hear that I am dead, you must be sure and not grieve: there is nothing to grieve about."

"I count the hours till that eventful one arrives which shall restore me to Him"

Finally reading Jane Eyre and damn... Helen with the ADHD is suicidal as FUCK

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I want to be the first person on the moon to shoot a sniper rifle at earth and hit a wasp nest.  my whole life so far is leading up to that moment

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i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

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an ode to summer I youtube link