misquoted-chronicles

[misquoted-chronicles]

*Night had settled in. Two figures sat on opposite sides of the fire — one slouched back, legs stretched, and ankles crossed, propped on an elbow; the other hunched forward, threading a needle through a torn strap of stiff leather, focused and silent. *

Astarion: You know, I could have anyone in this camp.

Tav: Then why are you always next to me?

Astarion (quietly): …Because you’re the only one who looks at me like I’m not a monster.

*Tav paused, the half-finished repair hanging limp in their hands. Tav looked up slowly, the firelight softening the hard lines of their face. The needle stayed threaded, midair, forgotten. *

Tav: That’s because you’re not.

*Astarion tilted his head slightly. His mouth twitched—just barely. But that faint tug at the corner of his lips gave him away.*

Astarion: Don’t ruin my image, darling.

[misquoted-chronicles]

little drabble for our favorite wizard... Mini Campfire Scene: “The Fire’s Not the Only Thing Burning”

*The fire crackles softly. Shadows dance across Gale’s features as he glances up from his book, only to find Tav watching him with a look that borders on dangerous and tender. *

Tav: You keep looking at that book like it holds all the secrets of the universe.

Gale: It might. But right now, the mystery of your attention is far more compelling.

*Tav smirks, stepping closer. *

Tav: Careful, Wizard. You keep talking like that and I might start thinking you're trying to seduce me.

Gale: And if I am?

Tav: Then you’re doing an excellent job. Ten out of ten, would fall into your arms mid-battle.

*Gale chuckles, setting the book aside with a casual flick of his wrist.*

Gale: I've wielded power most fear to comprehend, Tav. Yet the idea of holding your hand might be the most thrilling magic of all.

Tav: That’s very sweet. And absolutely unfair. I wasn’t prepared for romantic devastation tonight.

*There’s a beat. Gale stands, eyes never leaving Tav’s.*

Gale: Then allow me to ruin you gently.

*The fire flares as he steps into Tav’s space. Somewhere, the Weave hums in approval. *

post divider not mine. credit goes to cafekitsune. Source: cafekitsune

[misquoted-chronicles]

Y/n: hovering on broomstick Alright, who's ready to break some school records?

Ominis: I'm in, as long as we're not breaking any bones.

Poppy: Or any rules.

Sebastian: Grinning Rules are just guidelines for the less creative.

Everett: Yeah, but if we break Hogwarts, do we have to pay for it? I'm still saving up for a chocolate frog.

[misquoted-chronicles]

Price: That’s a lovely dress.

Y/n: *blushing* Thank-

Price: *unzips pants* It would look exquisite pooled around your ankles.

[misquoted-chronicles]

*Y/n standing in front of Steve during a mission briefing and Y/n starts to back up. Pressing the booty onto Steve’s front.*

Y/n: *grins* Oh, I’m sorry, Steve. Did I make you uncomfortable?

Steve: *reduced to a blushing mess as he desperately try’s to fight off his body’s response to Y/n’ pressing up against him.*

Steve: *leaning in closer, whispering, breath brushing past Y/n‘s cheek*

Steve: Uncomfortable… isn’t the word I’d use.

[misquoted-chronicles]

Y/n: Jackie and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us. V: *sighing* What did Jackie do? Y/n: Jackie chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... Jackie: Who wants a steering wheel?

[misquoted-chronicles]

Does anyone else use the smartframes in V’s many apartments? lol 🤭

[misquoted-chronicles]

Y/n, walking through the gardens: I feel like doing something stupid.

Daemon: *tripping over rose bush* I’m stupid, do me!

[misquoted-chronicles]

Gaz: I sleep with a gun under my pillow.

Soap: I sleep with a knife.

Y/n: Both of you are pathetic.

Gaz: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Y/n, smirking: Ghost.

*meanwhile*

Ghost: *sitting in a meeting with Price and Laswell*

Ghost: *sneezes*

Ghost: Someone’s talkin’ bout me.

[misquoted-chronicles]

*Tav comforting Astarion after missing out on loot*

Tav, nervously laughs: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

*Karlach and Wyll in the background having a dance off*

*Shadowheart and Lae'zel are fighting, pulling each other's hair and punching each other*

*Gale trying to lockpick the travelers trunk to get to the magical items*

Astarion, eye twitching: No, I want my fucking treasure!

[misquoted-chronicles]

Tim: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It’s because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.

Bruce: That’s ridiculous. Give me one example.

Dick: Spiders.

Jason: Wasps.

Cass: Terriers.

Y/n: …Damian.

[misquoted-chronicles]

Blitzo, phone pressed to his ear: Where are you?

Y/n: Turn around.

Y/n: No, the other way.

Y/n: Wrong way again.

Blitzo: Where in Satan’s ass crack are you?!

Y/n: I’m at the office, but the thought of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me.

Blitzo: You fu-

Y/n, laughing: Bye! *ends call*

[misquoted-chronicles]

Ghost: Love, why are you standing on the sofa?

Y/N: I wanted to see what would happen if I taped a knife to a Roomba.

Ghost: Okay… and?

Y/n: Well, I went to put the tape away and when I turned back around it was gone. I haven't seen it since.

(Five minutes later)

Price, walking into the room: Why are you both standing on the sofa?

Y/n: RUN AWAY JOHN, RUN AWAY! IT'S OUT FOR BLOOD!

[misquoted-chronicles]

John: Kayce, where have you been? The fences aren’t going to fix themselves.

Kayce: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Y/n, walking by: Hi, I’m ‘things’. *zips pants and fixes hair*

[misquoted-chronicles]

Y/n: This meeting could have been a fistfight.

Ghost: I think you mean email.

Y/n: Nope.

Y/n: *punches Graves in the face as soon as he walks by*

[misquoted-chronicles]

Dwayne: How are you feeling today?

Y/n: *massaging temples* I've got this headache that comes and goes.

Marko: *entering the room* Has anyone seen my jacket?

Y/n: There it is. *to Marko* You left it on the couch, sweetie.

[misquoted-chronicles]

Beth: You're really campaigning for asshole of the year award, aren't you?

Y/n: As defending champion, are you nervous?

Beth: *raises one hand, curling her fingers into a fist before extending only the middle finger*

Y/n: *raise both hands, simultaneously flipping Beth off*