#&&. images ( what do you see in the mirror; a girl or a monster? ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aspoonofsugar · 1 year

Text

About You, About Me

Jaune: What about you?! It's all about you!

This line is what the episode is about in a nutshell. As a matter of fact it conveys 2 ideas central to the whole situation:

1 - The "you" Ruby is talking about is different than the "you" Jaune means.

Ruby is asking about herself as a person, while Jaune speaks about her as an ideal. This dychotomy is the crux of both their current situations. Ruby has been lving as the embodyment of an ideal, so now she struggles to express how she feels in a healthy way. Jaune is instead trying to hide who he is behind the ideal of a hero.

So, Ruby wants to be seen as a person, while Jaune as a hero. Interestingly, both fail, as WBY's reactions to them make clear:

WBY immediately understand Jaune's pain and can see through his very thin (paper-thin I would say) facade.

WBY fails to pick up on the many red flags Ruby has been showing throughout the whole volume. They try to address Penny's death and her frustration on a couple of occasions, but never really go deep.

2 - Jaune is lashing out at Ruby, but he is really projecting on her his own frustrations.

This is made clear by the rest of the conversation:

Jaune: On that bridge, I was the only one, who could do it... I was the only one! And I... And now I have to live with it forever, in here or back home.

It is all your fault! It is all my fault! Jaune just keeps swinging between these 2 extremes. It is exactly like when in Mistral he goes on a rampage against Cinder, but the one he really hates is himself. There he lashes out at the villain, here he lashes out at the hero. The villain is a monster, the hero just could not live up to her role.

Ruby on her part does exactly the same. To be specific, she lashes out on everybody, but I would say she does so in 2 distinctive ways.

BLAKE AND JAUNE - STOP BEING LIKE ME!

Ruby: Shut up... Don't do that... Just don't.

The fight ends with Ruby telling Blake to stop trying to be positive. This complements her previous outburst directed at her (and Yang):

Ruby: Gotta stay positive, right?! Smiles all around!

Ruby can't stand how Blake is behaving because it reminds her of how she is supposed to feel. And she doesn't feel it anymore.

Thematically, Blake has been stepping into Ruby's role since the beginning of the volume:

I would not say she has substituded Ruby as the leader. Still, she is being the optimistic one, the idealistic one, the hopeful one. She realizes they are in a fairy tale and is enthusiastic about it. She knows the right definition of what being a Huntress means. She is Ruby's past idealistic self and Ruby can't stand it. Ironically, our Black Beast is now more optimistic than our Little Red.

Which is why both moments Ruby shares with Blake and Yang past volume are now bittersweet:

Blake: I know you don’t always know what to do, but that’s never stopped you from doing something. I was like that as a girl, but time and… a lot of other things, took their toll on me. Then I wasn’t sure if that kind of girl could actually survive in the world… until I met you. It was a little strange at first because you were younger, but I’ve always looked up to you, Ruby. And I still do.

Yang: You were being optimistic. Look, blind optimism isn’t great, but no optimism means we already lost. We need hope. We need to take risks.

Sure, everybody loves Ruby because she is optimistic and pure and inspiring... but what when she can't be it anymore?

This episode addresses precisely this and takes Ruby and Blake's current foiling to its extreme conclusion:

Blake: Then we won't run this time.

Blake charges into battle to protect strangers, while Ruby runs away from her loved ones.

If Blake reminds Ruby of her past, Jaune is a spitting mirror image of Ruby's current self. This is why she doesn't even talk to him directly, but keeps mentioning him:

Ruby: What about me? No time, right? Gotta get home! Gotta help Jaune! Gotta find someone, who isn't just going to screw everything up!

Ruby: I'm sorry, is this a bad time? Are we supposed to be mourning Jaune's make believe friends?!

Notice the 2 references to time. Ruby, just like Jaune, feels she has no time. It is just, Jaune feels he has not enough time to save everyone, while Ruby feels she has not enough time for herself. No time for others to care and nurture her. This is what she is trying to convey.

Similarly, the remark about Jaune's make believe friends is cruel, but it has definately to do with Ruby's own very real lost friend:

The one she has yet to mourn. The one nobody is mentioning anymore because everybody is too focused on other things. So, yeah, why should they all be mourning a bunch of afterings they know nothing about? When Ruby herself did not even take the time to properly mourn Penny?

Throughout the whole episode,Jaune (unwillingly) steals Ruby's spotlight and caters everyone's attention on himself.

He's obviously been through a lot. We can be frustrated later. Right now, Jaune needs us. And we need him. We just can't count on him.

While Blake says so, the one in focus is Ruby because this phrase is actually about her. Except nobody realizes it. Nobody (or almost ;)) notices she is struggling.

This pattern keeps going throughout the whole episode:

Weiss and Jaune insist Ruby should just grab her weapon and fight like always

Weiss aka Ruby's partner chooses to assist Jaune instead of her. Symbolically, even the Walker that almost kills Ruby is the one Weiss and Jaune launch in the river while they are fighting

When Ruby lets Crescent Rose fall, Yang's question to her is cut off by the paper town being floaded, which leads to everybody comforting Jaune

Even Ruby's own outburst is overshadowed by Jaune's one, which leads to Ruby finally leaving

All Ruby wants is for someone to look at her properly and empathize with her. Still, everybody has been too focused on their own feelings and losses. At the same time, Ruby herself has been refusing to open up with her friends for several volumes now. Everybody believes she is alright because she has always repressed her negative feelings, so nobody really knows she has any.

Everybody thinks she is Blake, when she is actually Jaune.

WEISS AND YANG - LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!

You don't need me anymore No, you don't see me anymore I'm alone in this war I am a trap door

Ruby lashes out at Blake and Jaune because they are like her. When it comes to Yang and especially Weiss, instead, she is angry because they don't realize her pain.

Yang is too caught up in her new love life to notice her little sister needs help. Or at least, this is what Ruby thinks tbh because there is not that much evidence of this in the story. It is just that when you feel very low, you can end up resenting others for their own happiness. And this is what happens with Ruby and Bumbleby:

Ruby: Good for you, by the way. We are all soooo happy for you.

Weiss is too caught up in her own pain and grief to realize how much her partner needs help. Even in this episode, when she sees Ruby has not Crescent Rose, Weiss bitterly reprimands her. Just like she did at the market. Not only that, but after Ruby has made clear she is absolutely not okay by letting Crescent Rose fall... all Weiss has to tell her is to help support Jaune.

Weiss: It's what they wanted. Right Ruby? Ruby: Why are you asking me? Because I am the leader? Because I am just supposed to have something to say? Cause I don't.

Nobody looks at Ruby or notices her low spirits... well, actually someone does... a small soul ; )

RED HOOD AND LITTLE

Ruby leaves and the only one she has left is Little. Her new friend. Her Ever After's guide. Little is the only one this episode who notices Ruby is off. And they are also a lot how Ruby used to be when the series starts. Little is someone who sees her and also someone like her.

It is going to be interesting how Little will impact Ruby going forward. Especially because we might get some new Little Red Riding Hood's references this volume.

Ruby leaves her family/loved ones/home and enters a wood alone. Where is she going? Maybe she just wants to go back home:

Yang: Return home, eh?

And yet, the woods are dangerous and full of wolves, who want to eat our Little Red Riding Hood:

And just like with the Hound aka another representation of the Big Bad Wolf... the monster hides a person:

In general, the situation is the reversed one of volume 6:

There Ruby enters the woods, discovers dangerous things, but also meets a mentor figure who teaches her something about her Silver Eyes. She is able to inspire everyone to move on and steps in the role of leader.

Here Ruby enters in this strange new world and can't find an ounce of optimism. They are in a literal fairy tale and she doesn't give a crap. The same girl, who started volume 7 eager to explore Atlas after having crossed a whole continent on foot.

In any case, I am curious to see where we are going with Ruby. Especially because she might very soon have a meeting with the true Neo, aka her Shadow. Little as the Little of her Red Hood and Neo as her shadow and the wolf. Probably both ingredients are needed to see where Ruby is going in the future.

Speaking of Neo, there is this:

Yang: But that's... those were more than her usual tricks. They eat and growl and... how has she gotten so powerful?

Yang openly questioning Neo's new powers make me thing there is more than just a semblance evolution. The power-up happening in the Land of Darkness makes me thing it might have something to do with it. Darkness in Jungian psychology is the Shadow and the Repressed. What if this land lets you tap into your buried potential? For better or worse?

Scratched through the surface And you found a key Unlocking what you thought was safe inside a box But it's somehow been set free (Finally)

THE FALL OF ATLAS- ONCE AGAIN

So far, the protagonists have experienced the fall of Atlas twice now. The first time at the market. The second time at the paper town.

In general, the 2 episodes clearly parallel each other. To better say, the paper town is an escalation of the market.

Both times WBY and Jaune fight Neo's Jabberwalkers, while Ruby freezes up. Both times Ruby is reprimanded for apparently spacing out when she is experiencing psychological distress. Both times the protagonists feel as if they are living Atlas fall once again. And yet:

Neo's presence is made clearer, as if we are building a climax toward a final meeting with her. The real her.

Ruby consoles Weiss at the market, but refuses to console Jaune at paper town.

Ruby buries her feelings at the market, but explodes here.

The Rusted Knight is introduced as a dependable hero and a saviour at the market, but Jaune is revealed as a broken and grieving person here.

The most interesting thing is that when it comes to the Fall of Atlas specifically the 2 characters in focus are Weiss and Jaune:

This fits the foiling set up in the Ponder Storm mirror gallery. There we see how they both are still struggling over what happened in Atlas.

Weiss thinks about her Kingdom, her people and how they risked their homes without gaining anything.

Jaune thinks about Penny and his role in her death.

Both can't forgive themselves for failing to stop Cinder and to save Penny. This makes sense considering how they are the last 2 to fall and the ones who hold on the longest. They were both blooming in Atlas and were in very positive moments of their life. And yet, last volume's climax changed things. They were brought down when they were at their strongest... so what can they really accomplish?

And yet, even if they clearly blame themselves, they end up lashing out on others, as a coping mechanism (even if in different degrees). This volume both are shown particularly rude, sassy and cynical, in ways they usually are not. Or at least not anymore and not as often. The result is that they both enter into a conflict with Ruby. Weiss's insensitivity and ignorance of Ruby's feelings coupled with Jaune's exploding at her are among the reasons why Ruby leaves.

It is clear the dynamic among Weiss, Jaune and Ruby is going to be important for the resolution of this volume and for all 3 their character arcs. Especially, there is still something that hasn't been addressed:

I thought this episode was perfect for the reveal Jaune killed Penny. And yet, it doesn't happen. Which makes me wonder when this truth is gonna come out and how it will impact Ruby, Jaune and Weiss's dynamic. What is sure is that Jaune and Weiss clearly have a role to play in this volume's climax and in Ruby's arc.

WEISS - SNOWHITE, SNOW QUEEN, SNOW ANGEL

Weiss: Then, who does that leave us with? It's obvious we need someone to guide us or we can end up throw back in time or killed by the tree or worse.

Weiss keeps looking for someone to look up to, to guide her, to console her and to support her. This is not wrong per se, but hilariously Weiss is the one who is probably the most put together compared to the characters she wants to depend on.

She opens up to Ruby about her loss. There is nothing wrong in this, but we as viewers can really see it should be the other way around. She should be the one Ruby can lean on. Even in this episode, when it comes to support Jaune, she asks for Ruby's help. Now, she doesn't really need to. She can say something kind to Jaune by herself and neither Blake nor Yang ask Ruby to butt in. Weiss does and, as little as it is, this is what sets Ruby off. Because once again Ruby is asked to ignore what she feels for someone else's sake. Even if Weiss and the others can really handle the situation on their own.

This is why Ruby calls out Weiss specifically this episode:

Ruby: Gotta find someone, who doesn't screw everything up!

Something similar happens with Jaune, as well:

Yang: And when did you get so... Weiss: Mature...

This is both ship-teasing and a joke, but it hides an important truth. Notice that Weiss doesn't say "handsome" or "hot", but mature. Jaune is an adult, he is Weiss's childhood hero, so he must be dependable. And yet, he is not because he is still RWBY's old awkward friend and he has spent years alone with his guilt. Weiss should understand better than anyone else why Jaune isn't well. I mean, she was there when Penny died. She outloud states Penny sacrificed herself, so I think she knows what Jaune had to do. And yet, her reaction this episode to Jaune's predicament is this:

Weiss: But how? He's clearly not... all there.

Just like with Ruby, she makes a snappy remark, which is heard by Jaune and this starts a discussion and escalates an already difficult situation.

I don't say this because I think Weiss is a monster or a bad person, obviously. She is clearly suffering as well and really means no harm. Still, it is important Weiss stops looking only at herself. She failed to save Atlas, but she can still save her friends. She has the inner strength and the wisdom to succeed:

CC: I am talking about you, Wise Huntress.

It is through helping others that she will move forward from her loss. Just like Jaune did it in volume 5 by saving her.

JAUNE - HERO, VILLAIN, MAIDEN

Jaune is instead the opposite of Weiss. He tries to overcome his grief over Penny's death by trying to help other people. I mean, it worked with Pyrrha in Mistral, right? So, why shouldn't it work here? Sorry Jaune, but that coping mechanism is not functional anymore because your past self has been shattered:

And yet, Jaune refuses to let go of the heroic self-image he has worked so hard to built. Basically, he has regressed, as well and is stuck here:

Jaune: I don't want help! I don't want to be the damsel in distress! I want to be the hero!

Jaune's arc has always been about integrating with the anima, aka his most feminine parts. He refuses them, but it is through them that he will eventually become the hero he wants to be. He needs to accept he is a damsell in distress to be the hero. Even more so, to truly complete his journey he needs to become a symbolic maiden. Only in this way, he will be complete. He will truly be himself. After all, he alludes to the very famous Maid of Orleans ;)

So, right now Jaune is once again refusing his anima and this is why the once promising hero has turned into a toxic version of himself. He thinks he is protecting the paper pleasers, but he has actually trapped them. He is not the one saving them, but they are the ones saving him by offering him a coping mechanism to keep himself together:

Weiss: Then why do you care so much about this village? Jaune: Because I can actually protect these people!

They are pleasing him in a relationship, which is honestly detrimental for both parties. Jaune protects them, yes. Still, he also stops them from evolving. The same is true the other way around. The paper pleasers are keeping Jaune functional, but they are also stopping him from making any real progress.

This is why after years Jaune is still a prisoner of the Ever After. It is because (obviously) the way out one way or the other has to do with the tree. And yet, Jaune keeps avoiding it. Just like he is avoiding any real change.

This is because "changing" is a risk and a risk means you can't be sure if things are going well or badly:

A new me, I am ready, but who will I find?

And you know what else is a risk?

Weiss: Trust is a risk

Interesting...

Jaune: Afterlings are all either too clever, too stupid or too crazy to trust!

And who is the last person Jaune trusted exactly?

Penny: Trust me...

Jaune is clearly trying to "fix" what happened to Penny through the Afterlings, but he is wrong. There is no fixing the past this way and what he obtains is just that he is making people suffer for no reason. Not only that, but his stubborness puts the paper pleasers in real danger:

If the Jabberwalkers get them, Jaune's friends would never ascend. There is no escaping death, one way or the other.

Jaune needs to accept this and he is actually starting to accept it. Symbolically, the day after he finally reunites with RWBY, the time starts moving once again. After years of delusions, Jaune starts facing what he has done. His delicate stability, which is symbolically represented by a paper world evaporates and dissolves into water (this episode starts with fire and ends with water > 2 elements linked to alchemy and transformation).

He starts the episode claiming he is fine:

Jaune: This isn't crazy. I'm not crazy.

He ends the episode admitting he isn't:

Jaune: I'm sorry. I know I am not okay. I know I am not right.

And even asking himself the key question:

Jaune: What am I supposed to be?

What are you? Only by facing this question head on Jaune can hope to finally evolve. Only by letting fo of his armor, which is rusted already, he can hope to find his new more refined self. A hero, who is also a maiden.

GRIEF

It seems that after the first 5 episodes exploring the 5 stages of grief, we are getting calls out to them in different ways:

Ruby bargains her emblem in order to help her friends. Another way to run away from Summer, but also to sacrifice her pain for others. She failed to get the ingredients in time, so obviously now she has to sacrifice something so personal, like her mother's memento, right?

Ruby, Weiss and Jaune walk in a mirror gallery, which reflects their grief and fail to discuss it. They didn't even properly discuss Penny's death and how it happened. They are negating it on some level.

Ruby and Jaune explodes into anger this episode and in this way they can finally both start their self-actualizing journeys.

We'll see where it goes...

ASCENSION VS DEATH

Personally, I think we need an exploration of this dychotomy on a thematic level.

On the one hand ascension is clearly a metaphor for death. However, the Jabberwalker, which is clearly a creature of Darkness seems to be offering a different idea of death. More similar to the one the characters have. What is the difference? What is ascension really? And why does the Jabberwalker embody something different?

This a very interesting mystery thematically speaking and I am curious to see how it is solved.

Is it about introducing 2 different flavors of Destruction?

Cancellation (death)> negative

Transformation > positive

We'll see...

On another note, the reveal of Jaune's role in the paper pleasers' town gives more context to the Cat's dislike for our Knight. The CC's role is to lead the Afterlings to the Tree, but Jaune goes in the way of this. Symbolically, this makes them antagonists.

MISCELLANIA

Here come some miscellania thoughts:

The time motif is interesting. This episode specifically times keeps being mentioned by Jaune and Ruby. Jaune keeps saying they don't have time and that he is late. He also keeps asking what time is it. Ruby is annoyed there is no time and sarcastically asks if that is a bad time. In general, Jaune and Ruby are also opposites when it comes to time. Jaune is currently a man who has spent too much time alone with his trauma. Ruby is a child who has had not enough time to properly process hers.

Jaune's allusions just keep multiplying. He is the White Knight in Alice (also that character sings a song whose alternate title is litterally The Aged Man :P). He also fits the Hatter to an extent in how he killed time (aka spent years alone making no progress and broke the time fruit). And now he is also the White Rabbit.

Speaking of Jaune... meta-narratively the Rusted Knight is very interesting. Judging by the girls' enthusiasm and by Jaune's own excitement when he mentions realizing he was that character, the Rusted Knight is surely portrayed very positively... And yet, Alyx poisons him. I think @harostar suggested what we saw in this episode might offer us a glimps of why. Jaune might have been controlling to Alyx and Lewis and Alyx may have felt trapped by him. And yet, the story still portrays Jaune as a hero. If Alice wrote the story or if Jaune was really that terrible to her and her brother, then why isn't he portrayed as a villain? This question is interesting and seems to confirm Alyx might not be the writer of the story... At the same time, Jaune might have failed to leave up to a fairy tale- standard. However, if the writer still felt to write him as a hero, maybe he did better than what he thinks.

This is the third time Ruby hallucinates three people. The first one when she falls (Oscar, Yang and Penny), the second one in the Blacksmith's place (Penny, Alyx and Summer), the third one while fighting the Jabberwalker (Cinder, Penny and Salem). Clearly they relfect Ruby's deteriorating mental state. The first time, she isn't hallucinating, but seeing Neo's illusions. The second time she is subjected to the Ever After's strange magic. This time, though, she is having a straight out panic attack. In all this, Penny is fittingly present all three times. Ruby needs to properly mourn her or she will never move on.

WBY's discussion about the Tree this episode is interesting because we have: Blake (destruction) believing the Tree is rebirth, Weiss (creation) being wary of the dangerous power of the Tree and Yang (knowledge) wanting to know more. Fittingly, Ruby (choice) is silent and so they fail to reach a resolution.

I think this volume might introduce a key theme, which will probably keep going in later volumes. The idea of need vs wants in a reverse sense. Jaune and Ruby both want to be needed to the point Ruby fears that now she isn't needed anymore, she is going to be left behind. It is the same as Yang's conditional love idea (see the Auction)...I think the resolution is going to be that you don't love people because you need them, but because you want them in your life. It is the same concept expressed by Blake last volume... Others are just a part of you... you don't stay with them out of codependency or need, but because you are happy and wish to be with them.

#rwby #rwby meta #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 9 #ruby rose #jaune arc #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #my meta

366 notes · View notes

angelisgonnastartchangingurls · 2 months

Text

julia, on a tuesday

"this was unexpected," annie said, rolling off of julia. she'd showed up at annie's apartment unannounced, wanting to fuck.

"i think i'm just," julia sighed. "you know, trying to sew my oats as responsibly as i can before marriage."

"do you think you and jim won't still want to fuck me after you're married?"

"i don't know," julia said. "i mean, at the very least i'd feel like he'd always have to be here. and that taking care of his dick would always be part of the equation."

"and you don't like that? i like taking care of his dick."

"no, I do, i just... i just wanted to come over here and make you cum and cum on you and not have anyone else be a part of it. i wanted to have you to myself."

"that's fucking hot," annie said.

"god, dr. lawrence really did make you into a monster, huh?"

she'd recently confessed to julia that she'd blown robbie twice, expecting julia to be horrified. she wasn't. "you two have that dynamic," she'd said.

julia told annie she'd sent nudes to jim's dad. annie asked to see them. they were fairly tame nudes -- a full frontal mirror shot, a closer pic of her ass. nice tan lines from her beach trip. it was the first thing he'd commented on. then he'd told her she was very sexy and his son was a lucky man. she told him it was reassuring how hot he was, she knew jim would age well. then she asked him if his cock still worked. he'd sent her a picture of his erection. "now i know what i'm giving you for father's day," she'd replied.

annie had immediately made the leap to their own fathers, and asked julia if she'd suck off her dad if he asked.

"if he asked?"

"yeah."

"why would he ask?"

"i don't know, he's really horny and his wife won't do it."

julia parents were divorced. unlike annie, she got along fine with her mother. her father was remarried to a woman ten years younger than julia's mom, who annie honestly thought looked a lot like julia's mother, and like julia.

"i don't know."

"like, it's not gross to you though, right?"

"no," julia said. "i mean, men really like getting their cocks sucked and it's not like i haven't very casually sucked strangers' cocks before."

"right," annie said. "if my dad asked me to i would do so immediately."

"well yeah, but you're very much a daddy's girl. he knows you'd suck his cock."

"you think so?"

"you make that very clear."

"huh," annie said. "you haven't answered my question."

"you would fuck your dad."

annie mused on this. "yeah," she said. she laughed.

"and i... yeah, i guess if my dad was like julia please help me out, i'm so hard up, just suck my cock a little, i'd do it."

"and if he wanted you to take off your shirt while you did?"

"well, that is just responsible, i don't want to get his cum on my clothes. honestly in your scenario i imagined myself naked."

annie's dad started calling on facetime, so annie answered. he took in the image of her and julia laying on her bed together, tits out.

"what are you two up to?" he asked.

"oh it's just hot today." annie said. she angled the camera down to their pussies. "so we're laying around naked."

"Well, that is very nice," he said. "love your tan lines, julia."

"thank you mr. anderson," julia giggled.

annie ended up calling him back a few hours later. he asked if she and julia were having an affair, and she laughed and said, "very mildly, i suppose. she told him they were regularly sexually active but 'around the boys.'"

"as in robbie, too?"

"well, julia sleeps with robbie sometimes, yes."

"no wonder he's staying with you, you'll have to pry him out of there."

"i like having him around."

"but if things get more serious with you and ted..."

"they won't," annie said.

"what makes you say that?"

"all we do is fuck. you know, when he was a patient, it was all we wanted to do. so it's all we do now."

"i always say that's the most important thing,"

"but when it's the only thing..."

"your mother has been very horny lately."

"i love that for you."

"always sending me nude photos, sex every day, she likes to have me watch her touch herself... i'm so glad she's feeling so attractive but i don't know what brought it on."

"summertime," annie said.

"is mom sending you more nudes?" she asked robbie when she was off the phone with her dad. robbie laughed. "yeah," he said. "it rocks."

he pulled up their message thread. two days earlier, she'd sent him a full frontal pic from the bathroom with the caption, "good morning, just hopping in the shower, what are you doing?"

he'd responded with a nude bathroom pic of his own, cock activated but not hard, flashing a peace sign. "getting in the shower too."

later, she'd sent a pic of herself in just panties in the kitchen with the caption "i still haven't gotten dressed yet."

he'd responded with a picture of his cock in julia's mouth.

"when did this happen?" annie asked.

"she stopped by yesterday," robbie said. he'd captioned the photo, "I am hanging out with annie's friend julia."

"you are so bad!" his mom had replied. "isn't she engaged?"

"yeah but we have fun sometimes," he'd said.

"it looks like you're having fun," she said.

and then she'd sent him a picture of herself riding their dad's cock. she was on him reverse cowgirl, taking the photo in the mirror. annie gawked at her father's balls. he was all the way inside her, no real view of his shaft.

"now i'm having fun" she'd written.

"not to be a weirdo but you look so good taking a dick," he'd told her. "so pretty."

"thank you," she'd written. "obviously i didn't send that until after. cleaning up now." it came with a photo of cum on her stomach.

"did you take anymore?" he asked.

"yes but they're too graphic," she'd replied.

"i can handle it," he said. and he'd sent her a picture of his cock in julia's pussy from behind.

she's responded with a lamplit photo of her pussy gripping her husband's shaft. he was glistening with her juices. "i had just climaxed on him," she explained.

"looks so good," he'd responded. "gorgeous."

annie took a moment to briefly marvel at the sight of his veiny cock and her immaculate pussylips gripping it.

"mom has like a pornstar pussy," annie said.

"so you do," robbie said.

"thank you, i know," she said.

that night she met sophie for a drink by the art school. sophie told her she'd met up with claire again already, at her dad's apartment because claire's boyfriend was in town.

"how did you meet her?" sophie asked.

"my best friend is getting married, we tried on dresses with her."

"that's cute," sophie said. "and you hit on her?"

"a little but she really came on to me."

"interesting, isn't it?" sophie said. "every time i've slept with an ostensibly straight girl it was when she was going through a stressful time."

"that has been my experience too," annie said. "on both sides."

"stress-borne lesbianism," sophie mused. "you should write an essay."

sophie could drink a lot more than annie could. before long, annie was very drunk, and didn't really understand where she was until sophie was leading her into an apartment.

"richard's place!?" annie nearly shrieked. "i shouldn't."

"chill," sophie said. "he's out. you just need to lay down for a while."

annie woke up on sophie's bed. sophie was at her desk on a laptop, editing photos.

"hey," annie said. "i have to pee and maybe throw up."

sophie gestured to a little doorway in her room that led to what was obviously her private bath. it was lit with pink bulbs and smelled like blood orange. annie got her act together and returned to sophie's room. "i can get an uber home," she said.

"or," sophie said, "you can sleep over." she stood up in a way that made her intentions clear.

"oh," annie said. "oh, i would like that."

sophie took her dress off and climbed onto her bed. she was in a black lace bra and matching thong. they stayed in their underwear for quite a while, kissing and touching. annie made sophie cum with her fingers, which felt like an accomplishment. sophie went down on annie, finally pulling her panties off. after annie came they scissored a little, annie's wet, spit-coated pussy ruining sophie's thong. it was an over an hour before they actually got naked. sophie produced a strap-on dildo, something annie had never even seen in real life, and proceeded to fuck annie's brains out with it. when annie tried to pick it up and put it on, sophie instead requested that annie lick her nipples while she used a vibrator. annie was happy to honor this very specific request, which got sophie off in explosive fashion.

they passed out shortly after, sweaty and nude.

annie woke up alone in sophie's bed, terrified that she'd see richard in the apartment. she frantically texted sophie but got no answer. straightening herself up, she got dressed, walked out into an empty apartment, and fled.

28 notes · View notes

joannechocolat · 10 months

Text

Mermaids and Mr Freud...

What do you think when you hear the word “mermaid”? Chances are, you’ll imagine a beautiful girl with a sparkling fish tail, naked breasts, flowing hair, gazing into a mirror: a scene straight out of early 20th-century Golden Age illustrators Arthur Rackham and Edmund Dulac. Or perhaps you see Ariel, Disney’s 1989 cartoon version of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid, with her cherry-red hair and purple shell bikini. That romanticized – and Disneyfied – picture of a mermaid seems fated to endure with this year’s live-action The Little Mermaid film (though the casting of Halle Bailey in the title role has prompted as much racist backlash as it has celebration. The mermaid of Andersen’s 1837 fairytale was white, say the purists.) But Andersen himself drew on a far older, stranger, and more subversive folklore to write his story. His tale of a mermaid who, falling in love with a human prince, is forced to sacrifice her tail and her voice in order to become human, was deeply influenced by Undine, the 1811 novella by Friedrich de la Motte Fouqué, which in turn was inspired by the 16th-century occultist Paracelsus, who coined the word “undine” to describe an elemental water spirit who can only gain a soul by marrying a human. And mermaid legends, like so many other fairytales, have been shared in many parts of the world for millennia. One of the earliest mermaid stories dates back to sometime around 1000 BC. In Assyrian mythology, the goddess Atargatis, who was venerated for thousands of years all over the Middle East, attains a half-fish, half-human form after throwing herself into a lake. The Yoruba spirit, Yemoja, who is represented as a mermaid, appears under other names as an ocean and river mother goddess – Yemaja, Yemanjá, Yemoyá, Yemayá – across half the world. Mami Wata – a water deity sometimes known as La Sirène - revered in Haiti and many parts of Africa, often appears as a mermaid, with a mirror that allows the passage from one plane of reality to another. And so it goes, from the ningyo of Japanese folklore to the sjókonar of Norse sagas. It is one of the most powerful archetypes in our shared dreaming. Nor were mermaids always understood to be mythological. Throughout the Middle Ages and beyond, European bestiaries and illuminated manuscripts portrayed mermaids as real creatures. On several occasions fishermen have claimed to have caught them in their nets. Early explorers reported mermaid sightings – although it is more likely that they were dolphins, seals or manatees, mistaken for mermaids by sailors expecting to encounter exotic beasts on their journey. Since then, humans have stubbornly continued to look for proof that mermaids are real (so far, without success). What does the mermaid mean? Why is the half-fish half-woman such a potent, enduring legend? At the heart of these stories is the question of women’s power. Fairy tales and folklore have played an important role in challenging societal roles and giving people opportunities to discuss difficult or taboo subjects through the safety of metaphor – in this case, through the image of a woman whose irresistible sexual power over men is balanced by her own inability to function sexually or to reproduce. And in the days when pregnancy and childbirth often proved fatal, that might not have been such a bad thing. The mermaid cannot be raped, or forced to give birth. Not being human, she is not bound by the conventions of human society or the laws of the Church. She enjoys both the freedom and the sensuality of her element without any of the attendant dangers or discomforts. In folklore, the mermaid has independence, and can exercise sexual power over men, which makes her ultimately dangerous, unnatural: a monster. Perhaps this is why so many ancient myths and medieval bestiaries depict mermaids as untrustworthy, deceitful creatures, leading sailors to their doom. Their bodies are all sexual promise, but no sexual reward; and their voices are so enchanting as to drive men to madness. Unable to fulfil what some believe to be a woman’s biological destiny, they are often portrayed as soulless. Because a woman who uses without being used, who seduces without being seduced, who moves through water and air – whereas men are doomed to drown if they venture into the mermaid’s world – is a challenge to God, to the patriarchy, and to order itself. In The Little Mermaid, Andersen tamed this older, more radical tradition. The moralism of his tale serves the dual purpose of mastering the mermaid – of making her fall victim to a human’s charms, rather than the more traditional way around – and taking away her power. The mermaid, made helpless by love of her prince, gives up her native element and the autonomy that comes with it, and exchanges it – via a witch’s spell – for a pair of feet, though walking causes her terrible pain. She also relinquishes the power of speech, which means that she is incapable of expressing her love in any way but the physical. And if her prince falls in love with someone else, then the mermaid is doomed to die on the instant, and to forfeit the soul for which she has sacrificed everything. Her entire being – her very existence – becomes dependent on the love and approval of her prince. Her independence, her challenge to the patriarchal status quo is gone. Though the ending of Andersen’s tale is – to a certain degree – redemptive (the mermaid, refusing to take the life of her prince in order to save her own life, is borne aloft by spirits of air and promised an eternal soul), it seems very cruel, especially as the heroine is only fifteen years old. A contemporary reader might well see in Andersen’s telling a warning to an emerging women’s movement – women’s power has often been seen as fragile, unnatural, and at the mercy of emotion. Unlike the tragedy of Andersen’s mermaid and prince (and of Fouqué’s Undine), the 1989 Disney film rewards Ariel and Eric with a happily-ever-after ending. And it tells their story in a cheery, colourful palette (a stark contrast to Kay Nielsen’s original dark, eerie concept drawings for the film), which while being pleasingly child-friendly, also reduces the mermaid’s essential alienness, and minimizes her sacrifice, thereby making her tale into little more than a love story with a little added jeopardy.

But Disney also perpetuated other tropes. It is meaningful that the sea witch who provides the mermaid with the spell fits the older-woman archetype well represented in fairy tales: embittered by age, envious of the little mermaid’s youth and beauty. She is the one who demands the mermaid’s voice as payment for her services: a potent image of an older generation, silencing the voices of youth. (In Andersen’s telling, she too is the one who demands that the mermaid’s sisters cut off their hair in order to save their sibling.) The older woman is filled with rage and contempt for the younger woman; taking pleasure in their humiliation and the loss of their power. And as the tentacled Ursula in the Disney version, she is especially monstrous.

Over the centuries, fairy stories have always been reinvented to serve the needs of the changing times. And people have often fretted about this. (In 1853, Charles Dickens criticised the trend for rewriting fairytales to fit didactic, contemporary concerns.) But perhaps that the meaning of the mermaid has drifted further and further away from its origins in ancient folklore should not be cause for too much concern. Today, the mermaid has become the symbol of the trans community, whose members often feel the generational divide especially keenly. And there are endlessly imaginative ways to retell the tradition. (In 2008’s Ponyo, Hayao Miyazaki spins his tale of a goldfish who longs to be human into a charming meditation on childhood.)

Like the ever-evolving traditions of fairytales, magic, too, is transformative. In stories, magic acts as a metaphor for the change we seek to effect in our lives, in ourselves, in the world around us. Perhaps that is why fairy tales resonate so deeply with us. Why else would we cling to them, retell them in so many ways? They teach us not that magic exists, but that change is possible. They teach us not that dragons exist, but that monsters can be overcome. And they teach us to hope, in the face of a world that seems to be getting harsher and more confusing by the day, that sometimes love can save us, and that, even in the face of the cruellest kind of tyranny, we can still keep control of our fate, and hope for a happy ending –not just a Disney wedding, but something perhaps more satisfying. In films like Moana - or more recently Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken – the love story is with the sea; a story of claiming, rather than giving up power. Mermaids – in all their aspects – are still working their magic on us. And now, perhaps more than ever, it’s time to listen to their song.

#mermaids #mythology

79 notes · View notes

queenimmadolla · 1 year

Text

CRUEL SUMMER - '85, PIII

summary: . . . the year Eddie Munson doesn’t give a fuck about not having graduated when he’s gotta save the girl so he can get the girl. (in which Eddie is in ST3 and reader is basically Heather Holloway) ┊ Eddie Munson x Flayed!Reader┊Main Masterlist - Series Masterlist - PI - PII

chapter summary . . . Eddie finally learns the circumstances surrounding your bizarre behavior and teams up with a ragtag group of kids to track you down and finally confront you. The only problem is you aren’t you because you’re suddenly committing grand theft auto and people around you are going missing.

chapter warnings: pining, billy hargrove (this fic is black reader friendly, I PROMISE), ‘unrequited’ love, angst, jealousy, mind control, nightmares, violence.

a/n: a very big thank you to my dear friend @kitmon for betaing this chapter! a literal angel ♡ and the detergent scene is inspired by this post, as I am a fan of LifeFire/Headdie/whatever the fuck eddie x heather's ship name would be and it was stupid fucking funny to imagine eddie seeing flayed heather do it. also didn't want to make Reader eat dirt.

word count: 8.4k

disclaimer: i can’t fucking use the ‘read more’ tab so stop messaging me about it, i wish i could but i can’t without it eating and duplicating chunks of my posts. just scroll if you don’t want to read this, it’s not gonna kill you. oh and mistakes will be fixed later, mwuah.

“No.” “What? What do you mean ‘no’?” Max demanded from her place in the passenger seat of Eddie’s van.

Eddie let out an incredulous, so-fucking-done-with-this laugh, void of any humor as he drove towards her home. They’d spent the entire car ride feeding him some utter bullshit story about weird paranormal shit going around Hawkins. Now, Eddie knew Hawkins was bizarre but he gave the credit for that to its rather conservative townsfolk. Not some preteen with mind powers and a gaggle of other kids trying to take on an alternate dimension and its monsters. He loved fantasy, so the moment they mentioned a Demogorgon, Eddie knew the whole thing was a lie. A Demogorgon was a monster that existed only within the confines of DND guidebooks and lore. Not in real life. “I mean whatever game of pretend you’re trying to play, I’m not playing.” He should have known better. Maybe they’d gotten mixed in all this when Billy had brought you over (thinking that alone caused his heart to ache) to his house and decided to have some fun with it.

“You don’t think it’s bizarre Chief Hopper suddenly has a new daughter after the death of his other one?”

“Sara.” El immediately leans forward from the back, frowning at Max’s lack of humanization for a sister she’d never get to know.

Max shot her an apologetic look before turning her attention back to Eddie who was sneering.

“You weren’t even around to see Hopper with his family, so no, I don’t think it’s bizarre! There’s a thing called adoption, you know. You adopted?” Eddie directed the question to El, glancing at her reflection in the rearview mirror.

She nodded.

“There you go!” Eddie sighed as he pulled up outside of the house they’d been directing him to, windshield wipers working aggressively to clear the constant stream of rainwater pelting down. “Look. I get it. It’s summer, you’re probably bored out of your fucking minds but what’s going on with Billy and—.”

God, he couldn’t even fucking say your name in the same sentence with him, it felt vile. Bad. What were you thinking? Why couldn’t he have just gotten to you sooner? He shouldn’t have canceled to make a few more bucks, if he hadn’t, you’d be with him. Not fucking Billy. Oh, god. No. He should have thought of another explicit word to use because his mind was racing with images that were making him sick to his stomach.

“It’s just adult stuff, okay?” He croaked out, throat thick with emotion. “It’s not whatever you think it is, you’ll understand when you get older.”

El opened her mouth to argue but Max hushed her, shaking her head as they once more exchanged a secretive look that Eddie could very much see since he had working eyeballs.

“No,” El whispered in return as fragments of what she’d seen in her trances rushed to the forefront of her mind, the last being an image of you, soaked in an ice bath with red teary eyes as you begged her to help you. Then you’d been pulled away, dragged under by something wicked. That hadn’t been her imagination. Despite having seen you, seemingly fine in the flesh, something was amiss. Your eyes hadn’t looked the same as they did, had lacked life almost.

El directed her stare at Eddie with pleading eyes.

“You have to believe me, she needs help. She asked me herself.”

Eddie frowned, exhausted with this whole back and forth. He’d been right freaking there and you’d asked her no such thing.

“When was this?”

“Last night. I can see things─”

Eddie groaned, yanking his door open. “Christ, I’ve had it. Out, everybody out.”

The girls scrambled out of the van and into the rain, staring up at Eddie while he pulled their bikes out from the back. “Enough! Enough with the magic powers, the lab, the visions and the monsters! This shit is not a game! If something wrong is going on with them, then I’ll find out on my own! I don’t have time for your little fables and I’m not a babysitter.”

Eddie was beyond frustrated. He’d wasted all this time with them when he could have been staking out your house to see what you were up to next. Instead, he’d foolishly trusted some 13 year olds and now he’d probably have to track you down.

He didn’t even know what the fuck he was going to do, obviously you weren’t going to talk to him now that you had your stupid ass ex-fling back and said ex-fling just wanted to rub it in his face that he’d gotten you because Eddie had been too little too fucking late, as per usual. Eddie just couldn’t let you settle for Hargrove, not after everything he’d put you through and how much you’d grown since Billy had discarded you. If you didn’t want Eddie, then that’d be fine.

It really wouldn’t, because Eddie would be a total wreck and never forgive himself for missing out on you, let alone be able to get over you, but he’d rather experience that epic heartbreak over you choosing Patrick McKinney instead of Eddie. Or literally, anyone one other than Billy.

Nevermind the strong sensation of danger that radiated out of the house while you’d been in it. Hell, Eddie had been reluctant to think it but the feeling also seemed to be coming from you as well as Billy. It was difficult for him to believe, he’d dubbed you Sunshine on impulse but it had immediately gained meaning as Eddie grew to know you. Regardless of how people tried to bring you down, tried to discourage you from what you wanted and where you wanted to be socially (he’d been one of those people at some point) you refused to settle, refused to give in and fall back into the crowd like your peers wanted you to. You were positive you’d shine one day. And one day, you did. For Eddie, at least. He’d just been too stupid to see it—no. He’d seen it. He’d just always assumed you’d be there. Now, you weren’t. There had been no sort of sunshine present in your dining room. You hadn’t been you.

“Just go home.” Eddie shooed them in the direction of the house, ready to go back to the trailer and collapse, though his brain was running a mile a minute to try and figure out what to do next.

As he’d been about to reach for his car door handle, it suddenly moved higher than his reach. And so did the door it was connected to.

Because his fucking van was hovering a couple of feet in the fucking air.

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, eyes wide and the hairs on his body raising at the sight of the impossible.

His head whipped around to see El, hand out towards his van with blood dripping from one of her nostrils as a look of concentration morphed her docile features into something fierce.

He watched, stunned as she lowered his van, letting it go once it was just a couple of inches off the ground and it bounced on its tires. Eddie couldn’t even wince at the damage his rims were definitely feeling.

He was stupefied, gaze moving from the van to the young girls over and over again while his mouth opened and closed like a fish.

What. The. Fuck.

“Believe us, now?” Max asked, smug smirk on her face at Eddie’s astoundment. He could only nod stupidly, mouth on autopilot.

“Definitely fucked up my rims, so don’t do that again.” He whispered out, still mindfucked.

Eddie let himself fall against the side of his van, back pressed up against the wet metal as he ran a hand down his face and pushed the hair sticking there way, the rain wasn’t even a bother to him anymore.

His brain was spazzing out, sizzling like bacon as it tried to make sense of what he just witnessed. It just—It couldn’t!

But it reminded him of the outlandish story they’d given him in the van. The government, the not so random deaths of Benny, Barb, the disappearance and reappearance of Will Byers and how Jonathan, Nancy and Steve’s weird little love triangle (used lightly, everyone could see Nancy and Jonathan would be ending up together) also was involved in the supernatural events. And The Monsters.

Eddie felt the blood drain from his face as he specifically recalled the one about Will Byers and how he’d been just about possessed by the Mindflayer, as the girls had dubbed it. A spy for its sinister intentions.

His stomach hurt.

“Okay, okay.” Eddie finally gave in, he still had no fucking clue what was going on and he really didn’t want to but there wasn’t anytime to waste trying to somehow argue his way into coming up with a reasonable explanation for all of this. It’s been obvious to him you weren’t in the most ideal of situations, despite giving him the cold shoulder, and he knew you were possibly in danger but know he knew El actually had real fucking powers and the stories they told him were true. You weren’t just in peril, you were in a life or death situation.

How he didn’t faint was unknown to him.

“What do we do?” The question escaped him in a rush as he started at Max and El, eyes wide with desperation. “We have to save her.” Max’s eyebrows furrowed as she stated the obvious and the desperation left Eddie just for a moment so he could glare at her. “I know that. How? Is it the Mindflayer?” “We didn’t kill it, just made sure it couldn’t come out,” El informed him, wiping the blood from her nose. “Look, I hate to put all of this on hold, but there’s not much we can do right now. We can recon tomorrow. Give me your phone number.” Eddie winced again, eyes darting around to make sure there was no one else around. God, why did this have to look so fucking bad? He yanked his car door open to dig around the floor of it for a piece of paper, shouting in victory when he’d found not only a receipt, but a really fucked up pen that still worked. He scribbled his phone number down and made sure to keep it snug in his palms to protect it from the rain as it was transferred to Max’s hold. “And don’t you dare think about leaving me out of any of your weird plans, I’ve seen those little looks you’ve been giving each other so I know you scheme. If it’s about her then I need to know. Deal?” “You’re not even offering us anything.” Max made a face as she shoved the receipt with his contact information into her pocket.

“Are most kids this annoying?” “Just go home and get some rest, Eddie. You look like hell,” she snorted out as she and El hurriedly guided the bikes up the driveway. “I mean it! You better not leave me out of the loop!” He shouted after them before quickly jumping back into his van. “Go home and rest. Yeah, right.” He mumbled, fumbling momentarily with the keys before the van was sputtering to life. He yanked his seatbelt on and floored it, ring clad fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly as he made his way back to your house. No fucking way was he going home, now. Not when the love of his fucking life was possibly possessed by some cthulhu fucker. Eddie didn’t even bother turning to music for comfort, nothing but you could offer that to him and you were currently busy, apparently. When he was just a little ways down the street, he turned his headlights off and slowed his speed. He’d do a quick driveby and then circle back to park a little ways from your house, scope it out to make sure Billy wasn’t hurting you. That feeling of dread returned when he drove by and saw your home, every single light off and seemingly vacant of life. It was your wide open front door that really worried him, though. Fuck the discreet attempt. Eddie swerved into your empty driveway and jumped out of the van, slamming the door shut as he surveyed for the car he’d failed to notice the last time he was present but Billy’s Camaro was nowhere in sight. “Sunshine?” He called out as he slowly crossed the threshold of your home, shutting the door behind him. The house didn’t seem all that scary anymore, he had a feeling neither Billy nor you were here.` When you didn’t answer him and Billy didn’t spring around the corner to attack him, he made a beeline for your room. Didn’t even bother knocking, just burst right in but like the rest of the house, your room was empty. Eddie’s shoulders sagged as he sighed, a hand wiping down his tired face, back leaning up against your bedroom door to shut it. The day and his newfound knowledge were finally catching up to him. He was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. And the stupid fucking weight on his chest wasn’t helping, Eddie was not a fan of melancholy or heartbreak, dealing with both the idea of the girl he loved being with someone else and being in mortal danger were not the obstacles he thought he’d have to face when he planned to confess his feelings. Selfishly, he hadn’t thought he’d face any obstacles. Definitely fucking karma. Eddie should just pull himself together to go home and wait for Max and Eleven’s (he still couldn’t believe they had nicknamed her after a fucking number, the whole time he thought it was one of those preteen phases as Eddie had once tried to make himself known as The Munster. Terrible, he’s aware) call, just like he shouldn’t deal drugs. But he does. And he wasn't going home. He’s had a feeling, now that you and Billy were aware of your parents’ plans, Billy had taken you out somewhere. It was killing him to not know if you were doing something along the lines of Max and El’s memories or if you were doing something else with Billy. Were you completely out of it? Or were you aware of what you were doing? Did you really have feelings for Billy or were you being forced to stick around him? He needed answers and having to wait ‘til morning made him want to scream. So, he did. He collapsed onto your bed, body cushioned by your soft blankets and screamed into one of your pillows. He didn’t stop until it physically hurt his lungs to continue and only then did he shift around, kicking off his sneakers as he stared up at your ceiling, another thought (one he feared to even be thinking) plaguing his conscience. Could he lose you? And he didn’t mean to Billy.

People had apparently lost their lives when this Upside Down place was involved. And now you were mixed into it, would that mean you’d lose your life, too? Eddie frantically shook his head, trying to kick the thought out of it. No. No, you did not get to die. You deserved so much more than what the world had dealt you and Eddie would move heaven and hell to make sure you got it. Whatever the fuck had a hold on you, he’d fucking rid you of it. And he was gonna tell you he loved you, too. If you didn’t love him, well then. Then, well. Yeah, he had no idea what he’d do but you’d still be alive so he could live with it. And if you did love him, then he’d spend the rest of his fucking life–your lives making sure you knew how important and loved you were. How much he loved you and wanted to make you happy. He’d do it every day. Tell you every day, if he could somehow keep from professing it multiple times a day (which he didn’t plan to). Wouldn’t be able to stop kissing you, either. GOD, how he wanted to kiss you. He’d had the urge sporadically throughout your friendship but it intensified around Christmas time last year and by the end of the school year, Eddie’s self control was hanging by a thread. He hadn’t kissed you then because he was too stupid to even think about acknowledging his feelings as well as yours. Then summer had punched him in the fucking face because all he wanted to do was kiss you stupid, hold you and just smother himself with your existence.

Only he couldn’t. You were possessed and maybe dating your ex-whatever he was, while under the influence of something non-human (his brain hurt to make sense of it). How the fuck was he supposed to un-posses you? The only scenario he could think of was that of The Exorcist and while you hadn’t seemed yourself, your neck hadn’t been moving in ways it shouldn’t so an exorcism was probably out of the question. Eddie sighed, head nestled into your pillow before he realized it was your pillow, then he was pressing his face into again, albeit much more gentle, as he inhaled your scent, the ache in his heart immediately comforted by it. On impulse, he nuzzled further into it and for a moment, he was able to pretend it was your hair and you were with him, safe and curled into his side. Where you always should have been. He cracked an eye open with a sniffle to see one of your stuffed animals staring back at him. It was the one you’d immediately dove for, to hide, when you’d first invited him over and forgot it was still displayed on your bed. He’d teased you about it for only a moment before he’d made amends by having a one sided conversation in which he befriended it. It was quickly pulled into his arms and Eddie was further comforted just knowing he was holding something you held and cared for. He hoped–full offense to the stuffed animal–he’d be taking its place in the future.

It was all too much for him, the tears slipped out before he could stop them. Eddie found himself muffling his sobs into your pillow. It was so unfair. So, so fucking undeserved. All you wanted was to be accepted, how could that fucking warrant all this bullshit? If Eddie could, he’d swap places with you in an instant. He’d do anything.

He cried so hard and so long, he eventually ended up tiring himself out. Eddie wasn’t even aware that he’d been slipping further away from consciousness, thoughts only focused on you, so much he even dreamed of you.

“You’re really not helping me out here, Sunshine,” Eddie commented with a smirk and a dry tone as he watched you get comfortable on his bed, stomach down and feet up in the air.

“You met her at one of your shows, Eddie. She knows you’re metal so literally every single piece of clothing you own is not only appropriate for your date, it also means you can’t go wrong. ‘Sides, you look great in all your clothes,” you said, rolling onto your back to peer up at him upside down.

“Now, you’re just flattering me.” But it had been the right thing to say, Eddie had already changed twice—eager to please—and just needed reassurance. You always made him feel better about being himself.

You were also making it harder and harder for him to deny his feelings.

Maybe he shouldn’t anymore.

“Sunshine,” Eddie started, voice serious to even his own ears as he closed the distance between the two of you, squatting by the edge of the bed directly in front of you. You flipped over and sat up on your knees, hands clasped together in your lap with a hopeful gleam in your eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.”

“Okay, you can tell me anything,” you quirked and Eddie felt his heart squeeze, affections for you growing as each moment passed.

He knew he could, you were always so easy to talk to. Still, something in him was scared, he didn’t want this to be another Chrissy situation. He didn’t hold anything against her, knew hurting people wasn’t in her nature but she’d still chosen Jason over him. It had stung, but he’d had you as a salve for the pain when he was finally ready to stop running from their end and stop seeking her out.

Who would he have if you got tired of him? Something about the ache he got at the mere thought of losing you told him it would hurt way more than any of his previous heartbreaks and that wasn’t something he was keen on experiencing. So, he chickened out.

“You’re my best friend, you know that?”

“Of course, I know that. You tell me all the time,” you reminded him and Eddie just leaned forward to ruffle your hair, chuckling when you fought his hand away. He stood back up and went to grab his jacket from where he’d thrown it over one of his amps. He pointedly pretended he hadn’t seen disappointment flash over your face.

He’d make it up to you later, take you to buy a new cassette or something. God, what was he thinking? He’d almost ruined it all.

“I better get going or I’ll be late,” Eddie shrugged his jacket on, watching from the corner of his eye as you quickly pulled yourself together, pushing yourself off the bed.

It was only a little awkward as you both made your way out of the trailer. You walked over to retrieve your bike from where you always left it when you came over, unchained. No one really took stuff that didn’t belong to them around here.

Except for Eddie.

“Well, I hope you have fun, Eddie. Just don’t trash her music taste if it differs from yours in the slightest like you always do and you’ll definitely get a second date.”

“What about you? Doing anything fun?”

“Oh, yeah. Babysitting some of the neighborhood kids. I think you and Lucas would get along. He’s a huge nerd, too.” You shot him a smirk over your shoulder as you walked your bike away, always too embarrassed to hobble onto it in front of him.

Eddie stood by the door of the van, the handle loosely in his grasp as he watched your retreating figure and felt the familiar feeling of longing settle into his belly.

Fuck this.

“HEY!” He called out to you, already jogging the distance as you stopped to look back, eyes wide as you noticed the sudden change in him.

“What?”

“The thing is,” Eddie started, lips pursed as he debated over what he was about to confess. It would change everything and Eddie didn’t take to change very well. It was precisely why he’d ignored your feelings and his, hoping they’d simply go away, vanish into thin air someday.

He didn’t want them to go away anymore. He wasn’t afraid of change. Because the change that would come to your relationship was the good kind. The kind that would allow him to hold your hand, kiss you, be close to you without feeling like he was pushing a boundary.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie snapped out of it, focusing on your expression again. You looked concerned, of course you were worried about him. You were one of the few people who cared for him.

He reached out, gently taking your soft hand in his, thumb stroking over your knuckles.

“The thing is . . . I love you. I love you, so much and I’ve been too chicken shit to say anything because you’re also my best fucking friend, Sunshine. I didn’t want to lose that. But if I didn’t say anything, I’d be losing the chance for more. I want everything with you, I want to be your boyfriend,” he confessed, giving your hand a squeeze as he watched you with bated breath.

You stared down at your hands for a moment.

Then you laughed.

You laughed cold and cruel and hard, before yanking your hand out of his grasp.

“You think I’d want you? After all this time?”

The pain in his chest was immediate, he could feel the blood drain from his face. Then Billy Hargrove walked around the corner of a neighboring trailer, hands in his pockets with the most smug of smirks on his stupid fucking face. The fuck was he doing here?

“Why the hell would she want you, Freakazoid? She’s my girl, always has been.” Eddie watched as he walked right up to you, slipping an arm around your shoulders as you leaned into his embrace like you were used to it, your own arms slipping around his waist. Eddie felt physically ill.

He could also feel his heart cracking, chipping and shattering into millions of pieces as he stared hopelessly at you and Billy. It got worse.

Billy leaned down, mouth devouring yours in a messy kiss that you returned with fervor and Eddie felt like he was dying, could feel the hot tears of anger, heartache, frustration and betrayal—he didn’t really have a right to feel—already running down his cheeks.

He wiped furiously at them but they just kept coming. When you and BIlly finally pulled away, it was only to laugh at him.

Then it wasn’t just you and Billy. Suddenly, he was in the cafeteria of the high school, and everyone was crowded around, laughing at him, having an absolute fit of a good time at his expense.

Eddie couldn’t breathe, wet gaze and red eyes darting around to take in all the cruel faces around him before landing on yours again, begging with them.

This time, there was no cruelty on your face. It was void of any emotion before you turned your back to him and made your way into the crowd solo, Billy was no longer present.

Eddie made a desperate attempt to follow you, trying to force and bully his way through the crowd, watching the back of your head disappear into it as he screamed your name, begging you to come back to him as the crowd got louder and rowdier. You were gone. He was left alone.

Eddie’s eyes snapped open as he gasped for breaths and jolted up, chest heaving and filled with momentary panic before he realized he’d experienced a nightmare. Or something close to it.

It wasn’t real. Thank fucking hell.

The nightmare had started off as a memory. You had been at his trailer, hanging out with him before one of his dates but he hadn’t stopped you when you left on your bike. Eddie had only watched you. Then he got in his van and went to pick up the girl he had asked out.

He fell back into soft pillows, relaxing for just a moment before he realized the pillows were too soft and fluffy to be his, as was the mattress under his body. A quick look around his surroundings reminded him he was in your bedroom.

He was also reminded of the horrifying circumstances regarding why he was in your bedroom and you weren’t.

Shit.

Reluctantly, Eddie got out of your bed, quickly gathering his things. Max would probably call soon and he had to be at the trailer to answer. He practically ran down your stairs, stopped, ran back up them to snag the stuffed animal he’d cuddled the night before. He’d need a little bit of you to keep him sane.

As he locked and closed your front door behind him, he just so happened to glance at your next door neighbor’s house, head doing a double take when he noticed their front door was also open.

Eddie did a quick glance around before he made his way over to investigate, brows furrowing when he noticed the door jam was broken.

“Hello?” He called out, pushing the door open further. The entrance was a wreck, a small table with flowers had been knocked over along with a coat rack, which had a large section of it broken off. The broken piece was only a little ways away. The home had obviously been broken into and some sort of struggle had taken place.

Eddie had a feeling both you and Billy had been involved. Just as he turned to leave, a picture had been knocked to the floor caught his eye.

Of fucking course your neighbor had to be the goddamn Mayor.

He ran back to his van in record time, quickly peeling out of the area as he weighed his options. He couldn’t call the cops, not only because he was probably still on their radar, there was no way they wouldn’t try to blame him for it. Then, he’d get locked up and saving you wouldn’t be impossible from behind bars.

Besides, they were pretty much useless. He’d have to tell Red and El.

Eddie made it into his trailer just in time to answer the phone before it could finish its first ring. He nearly broke his ankles flinging himself at it, wincing as his shoulder collided roughly with the wall.

“‘Lo?” He croaked out, mouthing ‘ow’ as he rubbed the sore spot.

“It’s me.”

Red—Max, whatever.

“What’s up?” He demanded, shoulder pain immediately forgotten.

“Your girlfriend, you know her schedule right?”

“She’s not my—yeah. Yeah, I know her schedule. Why?” It didn’t matter all that much to correct her, right?

“Does she work today?”

“No. WAIT. Yes, she’s covering for her co-worker Heather. I don’t know what shift, though,” If you bothered showing up this time, anyways. “Why?”

“Meet us at the pool then.”

“WHY?” Eddie demanded again, wincing once more when he remembered Wayne should be asleep on his bed. A quick glance into the living room confirmed his old man was still asleep. Thank god that man could sleep through the apocalypse.

“Why?” Eddie muttered into the receiver, voice much lower this time.

“We’re gonna see if she’s a spy.”

“Were you not in the same house as me, yesterday? I wouldn’t call that atmosphere pleasant.”

“I wouldn’t call any atmosphere Billy is in ‘pleasant’.”

“Alright, you got me there. But I went over again and—hello?” Eddie was met with the sound of the dial tone. He rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath as he placed the phone back on the receiver. Kids were such assholes.

He took a quick shower, probably less than five minutes, and freshened up just so he wouldn’t smell in case he ended up in close quarters with you.

When he got to the pool, he was momentarily concerned he wouldn’t be able to find them. Then he caught sight of Red and El, crouched in the parking lot in front of a nearby car. They weren’t alone.

“Oh great, you brought the rest of the little rascals,” Eddie sighed as he walked over.

“Shut up.”

“I’m Lucas.”

“Will.” Eddie had seen him on a couple of ‘Missing’ flyers, had been handed one when Jonathan was passing them around during all of his breaks and lunch.

“Mike.” He was prompted when El shoved her elbow into his rib.

“Eddie,” He introduced himself, giving them all a nod before his attention was on Red. “What are we doing here?”

“I already told you,” Max sighed, ready to elaborate once more.

“Yes, I know that. I mean why are we hiding in the parking lot?”

“Plotting,” Max stated, glancing back at where Billy lounged on the lifeguard tower. Eddie followed her stare and frowned. If Billy was on duty, then they’d most likely missed you.

You appeared on the other side of Billy, still clad in your swimsuit with a towel over your arm as you conversed.

Eddie perked up immediately and so did the sense of longing in his belly.

“What were you saying?” Lucas asked Will, referring to whatever it was they were talking about before Eddie interrupted with his arrival.

Eddie didn’t take his eyes off you, too afraid you’d disappear like you did in his dream but he was listening intently to the conversation.

“The Mind Flayer liked to hide. He only used me when he needed me.” There was that unsettling feeling again. Eddie did not like that, not one bit. “It’s like you’re a doormat. And then, when he needs you, you’re activated.”

You didn’t look like you could harm a fly, sunglasses over your face as you appeared to argue with Billy, who didn’t so much as look down at you, gesturing to a kid in the water he’d most likely called a name.

You told him Billy did that a lot and it bothered you significantly.

“Okay, so we just wait until they get activated,” Max decided.

“No,” Mike shook his head, “What if they hurt someone?”

“Or kill someone.” Lucas added.

“They already broke into the Mayor’s house,” Eddie informed them, grimly. He was trying to wrap his head around the idea of the cute lifeguard, who held his heart in the soft palms of her hands, breaking into a home and abducting someone.

“What?!”

“I went by again yesterday.” Eddie threw Max a glare as he recalled what he had attempted to tell her over the phone before she hung up on him. “And when I left this morning—don’t ask—I noticed her neighbor’s door looked kicked in. The inside was wrecked and a lovely little photo of that asshole and his wife was on the ground.”

“That’s not the Mayor’s house,” Lucas corrected him, “It’s his mistress’ house. The Mayor lives in some fancy schmancy part of town with his wife but he’s been seeing my mom’s hair stylist and that’s where she lives. I hear my mom talking about it to her friends all the time.”

“Then they got a rude interruption last night.”

“We’re not taking any more chances,” Mike declared. “We need to find out if they’re hosts to it.”

Mike, Lucas and Will ran to the boys locker rooms to check something but Eddie couldn’t be bothered to go with them, choosing to wait with Max and El so he could keep an eye on you. The boys came back within minutes and had developed a plan to capture Billy. Which just left you.

Mike had come up with the idea to lock you in the sauna with Billy but Eddie vehemently rejected the idea. He was not about to lock you anywhere with Billy, especially since he was a little more reassured of your dislike of him. While you two had been playing house the evening before, it looked like you were back to being annoyed with him today. What the hell was up with that?

Eddie noticed you walking away and stiffend. Was The Mindflayer calling you away?

“She’s leaving,” he pointed out, a desperate edge to his voice.

“Oh, shit. We can’t let her out of our sight!”

“I won’t,” Eddie stated as they crouched low to hide behind the car when you came out. He’d been expecting you to walk over to the bike racks but you made your way to the parking lot instead, hopping into the first car you saw. You dipped a little below the steering wheel before the car came to life and you drove out of the parking lot.

“Should we follow her car?”

“She doesn’t have a car,” was all Eddie stated before he bolted over to the van. Before he could peel out after you, Lucas’s face popped into view of the window and Eddie hastily lowered it in time for the preteen to shove a giant fucking walkie talkie through it.

“Use this to keep in contact and be careful!”

“Thanks, kid.”

Eddie didn’t wait any longer, speeding out of the parking lot to make sure he didn’t lose you.

His heart was racing, palms sweaty and gripping the steering wheel as he followed the car you stole. When you pulled into the grocery store, he parked further from you, just to make sure you weren’t on to him.

You got out of the car and Eddie realized you were still in your red swimsuit and white sneakers, with no bag or car keys. You glanced around you and Eddie quickly ducked down into the seat cursing as he waited a few moments before peaking over at your retreating figure. There was no telling whether you saw him or not, you were still wearing your sunglasses but if you had seen him, his presence didn’t bother you enough to stop you.

Eddie pulled out the TRC, fumbling with it until he managed to get it operating, “Eddie to Little Rascals. Come in, Little Rascals.”

There was nothing for a few moments, then static.

“Eddie?” It was Lucas.

“Yeah, it’s me. I followed her to Bradley’s Big Buy.”

“What’s she doing there?”

“Buying groceries? I don’t know! But I’m gonna find out. I’ll check in soon.” Eddie didn’t bother asking how their plan with Billy was going, they couldn’t exactly trap him in broad daylight with witnesses, nor did he even care about what happened to the mondo-douche. Not after he got you involved in this fucked up mess.

He did his best to maintain a sense of casualty when he got into the store, giving a forced smile to some lady who was staring at him for obvious reasons: his attire and general appearance. “Hey, how you doin’?”

Eddie speedwalked, checking each aisle for you. He almost feared he’d lost you, maybe you’d already left the store, until he reached the laundry detergent aisle.

There you were and for a moment, he forgot about the current situation, eyes raking over your figure with deep appreciation. Wow. Just—wow.

Then you grabbed a detergent off the shelf, uncapped it and began chugging the liquid down, effectively snapping him out of his horny thoughts.

Eddie could only stare, eyes wide and mouth open, dumbfounded.

You lowered the nearly empty jug, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before you noticed his presence, turning your head to him.

“Hi, Eddie.” You greeted him as though nothing was wrong, like you didn’t just down an entire jug of chemicals.

“Uh, hey, Sunshine.” Was all he could force out because he didn’t know if he was interacting with you or The Mindflayer. Did it even allow you to be you? Fuck, it was confusing. Did he mention how fucked up this whole thing was?

“I’d go with the lemon scented, lavender’s pretty shit.” Then you capped the jug and put it back on the shelf before walking off. Eddie took a few moments to regain his composure, trying not to have a panic attack about what drinking that shit could do to you before he was stumbling after you but he was too late.

You weren’t in the store anymore and Eddie cursed as he made a break for the front doors, running out of them just as the car you were in—an entirely new one from the one you stole at the pool—screeched by.

FUCK.

“FUCK!” Eddie gripped the roots of his hair in frustration, paying no mind to the weird looks he was getting.

You’d gotten out of there fast, there was no way you weren’t on to him following you around now. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He ran back to the van, yanking the door open and rooting around until he pulled up the walkie talkie.

“Preteens, we have a problem. I repeat, we have a colossal problem.”

This time it was Max who responded, “What is it, Eddie?”

“She knows.”

Eddie heard a bunch of them trying to talk as Max held down the button before she told them to be quiet, “What does she know? What happened?”

“I was following her inside and I caught—well, I mean it was out in the open but not a whole lot of people were around—anyways, I caught her drinking laundry detergent and I was so damn shocked, she had time to make it out. She must have been bolting in the parking lot because by the time I made it out behind her, she was already driving off!” Eddie rambled, still shook up by the whole ordeal.

“She was drinking detergent?”

“Messed up, right? She took off in a different car this time and I don’t know how she’s doing it unless The Mindflayer gives his little puppets a crash course on hotwiring.” But even that took a few moments, you’d gotten out of there way too quick if that was the case.

“You have to find her, Eddie!”

“I know, I know. I’m gonna search around town. Be careful on your end.” The TRC was tossed onto the passenger seat as Eddie started up the van.

He drove through the streets of Hawkins looking for any sign of you and while he didn’t find you, he found elements of your presence in the form of a few homes which looked broken into. He wasn’t entirely sure if you’d done it since Bradley’s or if they had been homes you and Billy had hit the night prior.

You made your way through the crowded mall, easily weaving between bodies as you approached the girls hanging out by the fountain. You’d since changed your lifeguard attire, He needed you to blend in for the next part of his plan.

“Well, well. Look who’s out of the house,” Beverly commented, hot pink lips pursed into an ignorant smirk. The rest of her lackeys giggled as if she said something remotely insulting.

“Thank you for stating the obvious, Beverly. I am—indeed—at the fucking mall and not my house,” you stated, face void of any amusement. Fix it, He commanded and your face broke out into a smile just as Beverley’s contorted in shock at your brazen reply.

“Anywho, girls, Billy sent me.” You waited for them to show signs of interest, He was pleased when they did; sitting up straighter, leaning forward to hear what you had to say. “He’s throwing a warehouse party tonight. Interested?”

Eddie was camped out in front of your house, sunk just low enough in the seat to see over the edge of the dashboard as he waited for you to come home. He had no luck perusing the town, so his best bet was to wait for you to come to him.

The stuffed animal was clutched to his chest again, mind entirely filled with nothing but thoughts and concern about you when you finally pulled up to your home in another car, having ditched the other.

He knew it probably wasn’t wise, but he needed to confront you, he had to find out what was going on with you.

The moment you were out of your car, Eddie was out of the van and calling out to you.

You stopped in your tracks, staring at him with a bleak expression, “Yes?”

He had no idea what to fucking say, so he went with, “Where have you been?”

“Around.”

His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, ache in his chest only growing, “Sweetheart, please. Please talk to me. What’s going on? You’re avoiding me, hanging around Billy again and not acting like yourself. Did I do something? If I did, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Eddie saw you fidget, brows furrowing as something akin to sadness appeared to pass over you.

“You didn’t do anything, Eddie,” He let you tell him. “Go away.”

You turned to walk up your driveway but Eddie was desperate, he reached forward to grasp your wrist and you whirled around, expression dark as your body tensed.

“I said. . . Go. Away.” It was hissed out between your clenched teeth with so much venom, Eddie almost backed down. Almost. The impending doom feeling returned, filling the warm night air with dread.

He clenched his jaw, preparing for you to attack him at that point but he’d take whatever you gave him. He could handle it, even if he had to wrestle you into submission.

“No.”

Just as it looked like you were about to make a move, something odd happened.

You froze, eyes looking both at him and beyond him. The skin of your wrist under Eddie’s palm began to move in a way that was not at all normal or even remotely human. He stared in horror as your veins appeared to bulge and crawl up your arm, following them up to your face where the veins around your eye sockets—not normally seen to the human eye—were very apparent, bulging and dark.

Your eyes were nearly pitch black.

With ease, you flung the arm Eddie had a hold of, sending him flying in the air before crashing onto the lawn on the other side of the street.

He gasped, trying to get the air that had escaped his lungs on impact to return to him and was still gasping when he managed to roll onto his side, eyes darting around until they caught sight of you running towards a telephone poll with an electricity distribution box on it.

Eddie watched, chest heaving as you tore the cover off, before flinging it at an alarming speed towards the telephone wires, one of the jagged ends catching along and snapping a wire from its place as its sparks rained down around you.

It was only then Eddie noticed the puddle of water, left over from last night’s storm, you stood in.

“NO!” He managed to yell, voice hoarse as he tried to warn you, gritting his teeth while he pushed his sore body up from the ground. He watched the wire dance around the street, sparks flying from the end.

He’d just managed to get to his feet, ignoring the pain in his sides as he ran towards you.

Before Eddie could reach you, the wire end dipped into the puddle and he was sure his heart stopped.

Only, you weren’t electrocuted as you should have been. You weren’t affected at all.

Eddie’s running slowed to a stop as you reached down, grabbed the thick wire and raised it to your mouth.

“No fucking way.” He whispered into the air, mouth dry.

You bit into it and Eddie swore he saw your body illuminate, literally glow from within like a finger would if held against the lens of a flashlight, before the lights of the homes around him flickered, as did the street lights. Suddenly, telephone pole glass insulators burst on every pole as far as his eyes could see and the bulbs of every street light shattered. The homes went black, leaving your street and probably the next couple of blocks swallowed in darkness.

Eddie could barely make out your figure fleeing under the cover of a total blackout, sprinting further and further away until he could no longer see you at all.

He stood in the middle of the street for quite some time before he painstakingly made his way back to the van.

The drive back to the community pool was filled with silence, his headlights the only source of light.

When Eddie pulled up to the pool it was obvious the area had been affected by the power outage but not too bad, a couple of lights flickering and the ones that weren’t were dim. The kids were all seated on the sidewalk, looking as defeated as he felt.

“We lost Billy. He’s flayed,” Max stated, sounding disheartened as Eddie sat next to her, grimacing at the shock of pain flaring through his side.

“So is she.” Saying it out loud made his eyes burn with the sting of tears, fists clenched as they rested over his knees. It was one thing to fear you were possibly under the control of that thing, he felt a whole new sense of terror knowing, without a doubt, you were.

He explained what had happened on his end, how you possessed almost superhuman strength and managed to drain a large region of the town of its electricity, which also explained how you were easily able to start all those cars you’d stolen. The kids deflated further as they realized exactly what they were up against this time around.

“What are you going to do, now?” Max asked quietly, fully expecting him to run for the hills. It’s what any sane person would do.

Max didn’t know Eddie wasn’t sane. And if it hadn’t been you in this situation, he would have run, wouldn’t have even been mixed into this whack ass situation.

But it was you and Eddie was done running from you. It was high time he ran towards you.

“I’m gonna save her. Or—y’know, die trying, I guess.”

“The girl,” you asked, grabbing the rag at your side. “Was it her?”

“Yeah. It was her. She knows now. She knows about me.” Before you could press it to the cut actively bleeding on Billy’s forehead, his hand darted out to grip your arm. “Will Munson be a problem?”

“No,” Brief flashes of warm, pretty brown kind eyes, a smirk, a wide grin, and brown curls managed to slip past His control before they were snuffed out, the ashes left to sink into the the grips of the Upside Down, along with your freewill.

Billy’s grip on your arm loosened and despite his bruising hold, there were no marks left behind on your skin. You were one in the same.

“She could have killed me,” he continued, and you felt what he feared. The failure of your plan. Of His plan.

“Yes.” Billy would be no match for the girl with superhuman abilities. Even with the gift He bestowed you, you may be no match for her. “But not us.”

You turned your head, both you and Billy taking in the sight of your growing numbers, various members of the community now a part of your legion, a part of Him. Soon, you would all join Him as one.

“Not us.”

And He watched you, from the eyes of the creature left behind in the world he’d been cast out of.

In his domain, the realm of the Upside Down, the being, the nightmare who would soon be known began his preparations.

172 notes · View notes

bloodcrave · 2 years

Photo

SHE’S DONE !!! look at my beautiful demon !!! her tattoos !!! her eyes !!! gosh, she looks SO AMAZING, i’ve been absolutely sobbing over this since i got it, i’m so so so happy with it, it captures alina beautifully. gosh, just <333 so happy !!!

artist: tumblr | insta

#&&. saves ( things that make the heart happy )#STILL SCREAMING MY JOY OVER THIS !!!#&&. images ( what do you see in the mirror; a girl or a monster? )

30 notes · View notes

farfromstrange · 1 year

Note

Hello ,

Can you do Matt x reader who had ed

(No pressure it just that need some support those time )

Tyyy

Hi, lovely! This was a very personal request for me to write because I, too, have struggled with an ED in the past (and it still flares up from time to time when my body changes). I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope I could give you some comfort with this piece. I've tried my best to encapsulate how it feels to go through a bad episode, but obviously, it's different for everyone. Take care of yourself, darling, and don't be afraid to ask for help!

Smaller Than This | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You're going through a rough patch with your eating disorder and Matt notices it's getting bad again.

Warnings: TW: Eating Disorder, angst, self-loathing, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 1.3k

A/n: If this topic triggers you, please read with caution! I will start tagging people for all of my fics now, except for fics with trigger warnings just like this one. The form for my tag list is to be found on my profile!

The person staring back at you in the mirror is a stranger. Empty, that’s how you feel. It’s exhausting to see yourself like this all the time, worthless, imperfect, useless – it’s a pain that can’t be put into words because it runs deeper than just not being satisfied with how you look.

You’ve been fighting the monster in your head for years, and it got easier over time to tune it out, but now that you find yourself naked in front of the mirror in your bedroom, the voices start overlapping and every inch of your body turns into a wasteland.

Food is your worst enemy. What started with just a few calories soon turned into several meals that you would skip. But no matter how much weight you lose, you still find parts of yourself that could be smaller, that should be smaller. You want this endless cycle to end, but you are your own worst critic; you feel like everyone who looks at you is judging you. You can’t be loved when you look like this, you think, and so you try to change everything about yourself to fit in. You pretend to love yourself, but as soon as you’re alone, the downward spiral continues.

It’s rather easy to find excuses for why you’re not eating, and people keep telling you how nice it is that you’ve lost weight, which only makes you want to lose more because it’s working. You feel like it’s working. That you’re slowly killing yourself doesn’t mean anything anymore, you just want to be perfect like everyone else around you. You want to be like the girls he loved before – you want to be his type. You feel like you’re not, so you have to change, and you eat even less now that he’s seen you naked. You want to please him and it feels like you can’t. You just want to be smaller than this so you can move on, but it’s exhausting to pretend that you’re okay, and you struggle to keep your head above water. You’re drowning. The world is about to cave in on you, and you’re not strong enough to carry it all.

Matt isn’t stupid. When he realizes you’re skipping out on dinner with him and avoid his attempts to wrap his arms around your waist, he starts wondering if there’s something he did wrong. Did he take it too far? He’s not sure and he doesn’t quite understand, but when your cheeks start hollowing out and you get a lot more dizzy, unable to accomplish even the easiest tasks, he pays more attention, and it doesn’t take long for him to realize what’s happening.

His ears are sensitive to the changes in your body, your blood pressure dropping and your pulse growing more erratic every day. At first, he doesn’t want to admit it to himself because he cares so much, it hurts, and you sure would have told him if it was getting bad again – because you’ve told him before that there was a time when you were a teenager where you’ve struggled with food and your general self-image, but that you’re better now. A few months into your relationship though, he’s starting to realize that you might have lied to him, or that things have just taken a drastic turn for the worse. He’s not sure what it is, but he’d be damned to let you slip away. He doesn’t want to lose you.

That night, he comes home from work and asks you, “Have you eaten yet today?”

“Yes,” you say.

It’s a lie.

He gently guides you to sit down. “Are you sure?” He’s trying not to push you, but it doesn’t take much to break you in your current state.

“I’m not hungry,” you try again, but fighting with a human lie detector about whether or not you’re telling the truth is futile.

Matt tilts his head, listening to your heartbeat. Your body is screaming for help, but the voices in your head are forcing it to be quiet until you’ve run yourself into the ground.

“How long?” he asks.

The silence hangs heavy over you. Your breath hitches, your nails digging into your palms, and you try not to meet his eyes. You’re tired, and he’s caught you in your most vulnerable moment.

“Sweetheart, please. I can tell you’re not alright. I just want to know… no, I need to know how long you’ve been doing this to yourself.”

You whimper.

“You’re not alone.”

You explode, and the pain eats you alive. He holds you as you cry into his arms, your body so fragile in his arms. He strokes your back, and it takes him all of his strength not to cry with you.

“I don’t understand,” he whispers. “Why?”

That’s not something so easily explained. Why do you starve yourself? Why do you hate yourself? Why do you want to look like the models in the magazines? Why do you feel like you’re not enough for a man as beautiful as him? You want to say it’s because people have told you so as a child, and while that’s true, there is so much more to it that can’t be so easily explained. It’s like something is wrong inside of you and you have no control over it anymore. That something is holding the reins. You’re helpless. And that little demon has evolved. It has grown into the size of something much bigger than you, and it makes you wish you weren’t who you are, that you didn’t have to feel like this, and it makes you wish you were smaller than this so the demon could be smaller too. But you know that this is not how it works, your distorted view of the world just likes to think that it is. It’s a defense mechanism.

You shrug. “I just wish I was someone else,” you say.

Because you don’t feel good enough; because it would be so much easier not to be yourself.

Matt holds you close again, his lips close to your ear when he says, “But you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Don–” you swallow thickly. “Don’t say that.”

Because you can’t believe it’s true. You want to, but your mind is telling you not to believe him because he’s wired to lie to you.

“It’s true.”

“No.”

“You’re perfect to me.”

But that’s not enough. It should be enough.

He sniffles. “You’re so perfect,” he whispers. “You’re the most beautiful person to me, inside and out.”

“How would you know?” Your voice is higher now because now you don’t understand.

“Because I can feel you, and what I feel is enough to tell me how beautiful you are.”

“That’s not enough, I–” you get choked up by a sob.

He nods slowly. “I know.”That he understands, and he’s starting to understand your situation now too. Your mind is fragile and the views that you have internalized aren’t easy to get rid of.

“You’re sick,” he says softly, “and that’s okay. So many people are. The thing with illness is that there’s a way to deal with it, to make sure you don’t have to suffer anymore. You’re not alone, not anymore. I just want to help you. Will you let me help you?”

He would do whatever you ask of him.

You wipe your cheeks. “I can’t–”

“Please?”

“I don’t know how.”

“You don’t have to know. I’ll help you figure it out.”

It’s a promise he would do anything in his power to keep.

You fall back into his arms, your chest heaving with heavy sobs, and he holds you through it because Matt is the kind of person that would never leave you, not even when things get hard.

And perhaps he is right. Perhaps you are truly perfect to him, and with a proper support system, you can manage to save yourself again. You’re not alone. As long as you have Matt, you will never be alone. Not ever, not again.

And it allows you to finally let your guard down and take the first step toward healing.

#tw: eating disorder #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock angst #matt murdock x you #matt murdock fic #no y/n #reader insert #daredevil x reader #gender neutral reader #daredevil angst #daredevil fic #lizzi writes #request #matt murdock imagines #hurt/comfort

115 notes · View notes

bestworstcase · 5 days

Note

So, Taiyangs arc will end with him acknowledging that he was not the best father and husband/partner. Then, to and reestablish a healthy relationship with all parties involved in as much as he can.

Im just wondering how Taiyang will get there. We haven't seen his reaction to the news that Yang and Ruby "died" yet. So that could be his turning point.

But if it isn't, I don't know what could be a bigger wake-up call than your kids died and you weren't there to help. Yang and Ruby's wagon trip to find their mother part two, perhaps?

(Could everything that Yang and Ruby have done so far be considered wagon trip part two?)

if he’s been trying to like power of love coax summer back to the Good Side this whole time then summer um

not wavering after salem razes vale

would certainly be a wake-up call, i think. of the "oh. laughs nervously. i’m in danger" kind—not that i think summer particularly wants to hurt him and salem is obviously disinclined to kill summer’s friends/family (<- "you disappoint me" after tyrian claims to have killed qrow, "he might be on our list of people we’d very much like dead" says watts but salem conspicuously hasn’t lifted a finger to try making that happen even when she assassinated qrow’s. entire mistrali spy network. etc) but Tai Won’t Know That. and of course cinder is both a wild card and the limit of salem’s tolerance in that if it came to a choice between cinder and ruby or yang i think salem would pancake summer’s girls without blinking.

even before that he’d also—given that global comms are down—be learning about ruby and yangs apparent deaths from salem, whether directly or indirectly through summer. and that’s fun.

in general i think as soon as salem Turns Up at beacon with cinder and two relics in hand then whatever wishful thinking situation is going on with tai and summer is probably gonna crumble real fucking fast. bc like… it’s one thing to tell himself summer is just brainwashed or misguided or too afraid to leave while salem is a distant abstract monster somewhere Out There, quite another to do it while salem is Here and summer’s like looking back and forth between salem and cinder and going oh you want to raze vale to force the sword into play? sure ok i’ll get my axe about it.

i won’t entirely Rule Out the possibility that summer might betray salem at this juncture strictly on the basis of the ozian allusion (glinda and jinjur are opposed in the book, mombi’s illusory rose, etc) BUT i don’t think it’s very likely given rwby’s narrative setup and the truth-is-hard-to-come-by storyteller themes 🤔 this is a version of the story where glinda is not Universally Beloved and jinjur is her general; if we read the god of light as mombi, then summer’s silver eyes—incorrectly supposed to be a gift from light—are intuitively the illusory rose and i think it makes more sense to anticipate the deception/illusion to be this idea everyone has of the Heroic Martyred Paragon. glinda’s the one who sees through the illusion and reveals the truth. etc.

it’s also—laughs helplessly—congruent with the wonderland (musical) stuff they did in v9 with ruby as the child-looking-for-her-lost-mother mirror image. perfect writer/perfect mother/perfect wife -> perfect huntress/perfect mother/perfect wife. it um. well im rotating it in my mind all the time. the lost mother is the hatter. get it?

(<- "get it?" i say about smth that will basically only make sense to me bfrgscbk sorry you’ll just have to trust me on this one)

#rattling marvelous land of oz around

19 notes · View notes

liuhko · 1 year

Text

ᘡ ⭑ SYNOPSIS・ ymir fritz, deceased wife of the king stands still inside the paths. she’s known to the one who controls all eldian life, with the ability to even change their entire genetic code but there is another, not a shifter or the beginning of the titans; a being who rests so far in the clouds that you will never be able to reach them. they watch over all, finding entertainment in everything that happens in this sick world, allowing life to continue because they’re only human.

THIS WORK INCLUDES: idk girl…just read.

NOTE: this isn’t an xreader, just fun writing. this is based off of the song “they’re only human” from death note <3

“Look at how they crawl around upon the ground like little ants.” you couldn’t help but sigh at your view, staring at the large mirror that held the image of the residents inside the walls, or in this case; outside the walls. Commander Erwin and his scouts had gone outside the walls once more and they were returning with their heads hung low, bodies covered in blood, and wagons overflowing with the corpses of their former comrades.

“Yes, but how they fascinate.” As pathetic as they were, humans were fascinating creatures. They always saw a reason to continue and to keep pushing, in this case, it was Eren Jaeger who held this mindset. Even though he had just seen his comrades and friends slaughtered he looked encouraged, as if there was something worth fighting for. That same green-eyed boy ran to the dormitory and locked himself inside, shivering and shaking on the floor as tears ran down his face. His desperate cries were suppressed by the pillow he dug his face into. “It was fate…there was nothing I could do. It would’ve happened anyway.”

What a common thought, confusing fate with what is merely chance. “Your friends weren’t destined to die there, they were just too weak and happened to be around some Titans.” You scoffed at him and rolled your eyes, resisting the urge to reach through the mirror and grab the boy. You wanted nothing more than to tell him to stop spewing nonsense and go live a safe life, but the last time you reached through the mirror and interacted with humanity, a strand of your hair had fallen and morphed into Hallucigenia, which turned the wife of some king into a several-meter-high mutated monster called a titan, you were just having a bad hair day; it shouldn’t have been that serious.

Speaking of that unfortunate woman, she was currently busy building, as usual. Ymir Fritz was a woman you found particularly interesting for two reasons.

1. She was the first to be turned into a titan and was the catalyst for all the disaster humanity had been facing for a millennia.

2. She had been stuck for a bit over 2,000 years.

Stuck in a seemingly eternal prison where she rebuilt titans every hour of the day, forever. Not once had you ever seen her do anything but create those disgusting-looking creatures; she could’ve done anything else, but she didn’t. She just stayed there. Never had you ever seen anything this pitiful. She’s only human, standing still and doomed to live, pushing buckets of sand uphill. Only human after all, so she gives while they take, hoping someone will help break her fall. You found it sad, to say the least. You gave her the ability to see the future as an apology for essentially causing her demise, but she was just stuck, waiting for someone to free her.

“She’s too depressing…I’ll look at someone else.” You muttered, frowning as you watched the woman reconstruct yet another titan.

You walked to another mirror, one that showed the scouts inside Shiganshina. They were attempting to take the district back. They charged forward toward the Beast Titan, not once backing down. It was a shame that large rocks were being hurled at them. You watched intently as their bodies flew off their horses; heads were crushed, blood was splattered everywhere, and an odd little blonde man sat inside a mutated monkey costume. Laughing as he watched the massacre he caused, treating it as a friendly game of baseball. This whole thing seemed to be a bit unnecessary, these people didn’t need to die, but they did.

“Poor things, they will pray, curse, live, die.” And pray they did. Those who were still charging but were unlucky enough to witness the deaths around them began to realize that there was no escape. Some others cursed Erwin for leading them here. They stayed breathing for a few more moments, but soon they died. You shivered at the thought of a flying rock being the cause of your death. “It’s quite sad though,” you said to yourself. “They all died, never knowing their truth was another man’s lie.” The walls of Paradis Island were a lie, as was every history book within those walls. There were lively civilizations beyond the walls, but alas, the scouts were long gone and they’d never be able to know this fact.

Perhaps the future would be more interesting to watch? You turned around and faced the mirror which formerly stood behind you. In it, a very bleak image of Eren was shown. He had somehow ended up locked in a cell. Amused, you observed as he muttered to himself. You could read his mind clearly: “What have I become?” he thought. The moment you read this, you burst out laughing, the soil and mountains of the planet shaking in sync with your laughter. “He’s only human; he doesn’t see that who he is, is who he’ll always be; he’s only human, after all!” How silly of him to think humans are capable of change.

Ah, Eren and Ymir. The only reason you have yet to smite these two out of their misery is because of how dedicated they are. Eren to saving his loved ones, and Ymir to saving herself. They gave and they took 'til their silly hearts broke. Humanity was so interesting to you, especially these two. You stared into the mirror once more and saw Ymir looking down at the two sand buildings she had made. It wasn’t titans this time; it was Mikasa and Eren. You were intrigued by their love, and for as long as you had observed humanity you never understood why they did so many crazy things for love. It seemed as if Ymir was interested too.

You shook your head and began to walk away from the mirrors toward the exit but stopped momentarily; one of the mirrors had caught your eye. This one also showed the future; in it, Mikasa and Eren shared a kiss… “Humans never fail to amuse me.” You sighed and walked out of the mirror room. Not a thing you did could change these creatures. They’re only human, after all.

TAGS @vampurities @rinmine

68 notes · View notes

crowhyun · 11 months

Text

Level Infinity; Chapter 11

Losses are a tragic part of everyone's lives, but only in the real world could they be mended. One too many tragic losses send each poor soul into extremely new situations.

Chapter Genres: Horror, ANGST

Series Genres: Horror, Angst, Drama, Romance, Smut, Gore

Warnings: Gore, Angst Heavy, kind of a lot goes on, so buckle up :DD

Words: 4k

Main Characters: (Y/N) (reader), Soobin (TXT), Mark (NCT), Beomgyu (TXT), Taehyun (TXT), Arin (NOT from OH MY GIRL, character was made by a lovely follower), Huening Kai (TXT)

A large hand wrapped around your wrist, tight and strong as steel, slim fingers holding onto you with the determination to never let go. In a desperate scream for help, you held on tightly, eyes shut, trying to block out the impending danger behind you and the cries in front of you. What was once a blessing was now a curse, and it was as if you were trapped in between heaven and hell, wondering if you could leave a part of yourself in both if it meant you got to live.

You didn't dare to turn around, even if you could. The wings behind you almost served as a barrier to the horrors that ran your way. What felt like hours was only a few seconds, as if this treacherous world only wanted you to feel the pain for even longer than you've endured.

Opening your eyes, you made eye contact with Soobin, tears flowing down his face, an image that you hoped to never see again. It was as if this exact event had happened before, but this time, Soobin was determined to save you, to stay by your side until neither of you could take it anymore. No one else knew what to do, no one else had any more hope, but could you blame them? The blessing of your wings was now a curse, and it was something that you were going to pay for.

Mustering up all of the strength he had, Soobin pulled you in towards him, nearly yanking your arm out of its socket.

"Soobin, stop!" You heard, but you couldn't tell who it was, and neither could Soobin. It was as if the two of you were in your own little dark world. Not letting go of you, Soobin leaped towards you, wrapping his arms around you in a...hug? A last attempt to bring you to him?

Mark panicked, not wanting to possibly lose two of his friends in a tragic event, so he lunged forward, grabbing onto Soobin, and pulling him back in a surprise show of strength. But, Mark didn't realize just how tightly Soobin was holding on to you, as it was a grip as strong as the resentment that Soobin felt for not being able to save you the first time the both of you were in this predicament, but he knew...he was going to be your hero this time, and the both of you were going to make it out alive, even if you lost something big along the way.

It only happened in a few seconds, but with the strength of the two men pulling you inside of the building, your wings could no longer endure the pressure building against the metal frame of the doorway, and a searing pain pierced through your whole body as each metallic feather fell onto the ground, one by one, leading to your wings ripping free from your back and falling limp and lifeless onto the ground. You fell into the building, falling onto the floor and you blacked out from the immense pain and trauma, worried cries falling upon deaf ears. There was no type of magical healing that could keep you from feeling every bit of pain that coursed through you, and you couldn't even fathom the thought of being alive for much longer.

Soobin watched in fear as your bloodied metal wings rested on the floor outside of the door behind you, and the noise of the monsters chasing you died down. No one ever saw what the monsters looked like, or exactly how close or far away they were from you, but they were gone now. Mirroring your dejected wings, you lay on the floor, barely breathing and eyes closed. Your heart rattled your bones, trying hard to keep you alive, but you had no more hope left.

"(Y/N)?" Soobin called out to you, voice hoarse and cracking. He was so scared. Scared that you'd die, and what made him feel worse was that he was scared if you lived. It was his fault, everything was. You were strong, he knew that, you would've found a way to save both yourself and your wings, but he let his selfish desires get in the way, and in an effort to keep you by his side, he tore something away from you. You'd hate him forever now. It should've been him. He was better off dead anyway, all he did was hold everyone back.

"She's losing blood-" Mark said, rushing to get inside of his tattered bag for anything to help.

"I have bandages," Arin said, taking them out of her bag and throwing them over to Mark. He bent down, grimacing at your wounds, hands shaking.

"It's okay, (Y/N), I got you." Mark whispered to you, but you could barely make out what anyone was saying, eyelids heavy and ready to just let go. "You'll make it. I know you will. You're stronger than anyone else here..."

"Is...is there even any use?" Beomgyu spoke, and everyone looked at him. "I mean...look at us. There's so much more to go, so many levels to go through, barely any of us will make it in the end, if we're being honest."

"Gyu?" Taehyun furrowed his brows.

"No, seriously. Where even are we right now? How do any of you know we're safe enough to be here?" Beomgyu huffed out. He was worried, you all were. Goosebumps plagued everyone's skin, your hearts were beating a mile a minute, and...you guys were just standing there? He checked the back of his hand for any idea of where you guys were. "Level 609. Does anyone have an idea of where we are?"

"Beomgyu, to be so honest with you, right now, I do not give a fuck." Mark grunted, working to wrap your torso with the bandages, albeit messily, as he had no experience. "My priorities are set on making sure (Y/N) is going to make it. I could care less if we all die right here, right now, but if we die together, that's all that matters."

"Don't...don't make it seem like I don't care about her." Beomgyu said. "She's my best friend, we've been best friends since we were in diapers. But don't think any of us are going to make it out if we just keep getting hurt along the way."

Mark sighed, finished with the bandages, and he looked up at Beomgyu. "My main goal was never to make it out of here. I don't know if that's even possible. But, I am here to help, because someone helped me, and I'd be damned to leave that someone behind."

Your world started to return to you, eyesight clearing up just a smidgen. You coughed, groaning at the pain received just from that.

"(Y/N)!" Soobin exclaimed, bending down to face you. He was too scared to touch you, afraid that he'd hurt you even more. "Are you alright?" Of course you weren't alright. Why would he even ask you that?

The tight compression from the bandages made your wound hurt only a bit less, but it was enough to have you return to your senses. Hopefully, your wounds would heal as much as your leg healed, but you didn't know if that could even be possible.

"Where...where are we?" You asked, coughing out your words.

"Level 609...but I have no idea what's on this level." Mark said. "Would you be able to stand?"

You lifted your head slowly, looking up at your surroundings with blurry vision. It was dark, but you could still see, and it looked like you were in a neighborhood community center of some sort. The entranceway had barely any furniture, but there was a large and colorful mural on the wall of a...clown?

You then realized that you didn't answer Mark's question. "Oh, uh...I c-could try." You said. You weren't ready to go just yet, and you weren't going to make this stop you. Despite only having the wings since you got here, you still felt empty. It was like there was always something inside of you that was ready to unleash itself whenever it deemed necessary. It had a life of its own, and now it was gone. You looked back at the open doors behind you, staring at your lifeless wings. It was like an old friend had died, and that hurt more than the pain in your back.

You closed your eyes and looked forward, not bearing to continue seeing your lost wings. With all of the strength you could muster up, you started to lift yourself off of the floor. The strain on your muscles made you cry out in pain, and Mark rushed to help you up.

"I got it." You said, shrugging him off of you, and standing up on your own.

"A-are you sure?" He asked, holding his hands out, just in case you were to fall. You didn't feel too worried, your legs were completely fine, why would you be? You didn't dare to stand straight or to move around too much, and even if you didn't want it to show, you knew it was going to be a problem. Everyone knew that.

You noticed how Soobin remained behind Mark, avoiding eye contact, but you didn't know why. Looking at Beomgyu, he acted the same way. Yeonjun looked the most worried you've ever seen him, and it was a surprise, given his...history.

"You'll be fine, (Y/N)." He suddenly said as he noticed you were looking at him, frowning. "Suck it up."

"Don't be so soft, Yeonjun." Arin said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, then turning her attention to the wings behind you. "Things happen for a reason. They might not be much help along the way, but what matters is that you're still here."

"Hm." You hummed, a permanent frown on your face. "Let's just not worry about me. We can't sit here any longer." Looking at the back of your bloodied hand, you see the number 609. You had no idea what to expect. You assumed that you were in some type of arcade of sorts, but the menacing look in that clown's eyes told you that you weren't going to have any fun.

"Does anyone know anything about level 609?" Taehyun asked, looking between Beomgyu and Mark.

"Uh..." Beomgyu cleared his throat. "The games I've played haven't delved this far into the backrooms."

"This is where my knowledge ends, unfortunately." Mark frowned. "Let's just stick together, and if any of us sees anything off, make sure we all know. (Y/N)...you okay to go?"

"Yes, Mark." You said with a bit of venom. "Stop asking me if I'm okay. I'm still standing, I'm alive, aren't I? So, let's not loiter around where we could possibly be killed in a split second."

Your slight outburst made Soobin want to crawl in a hole and rot there until his inevitable end. This was his fault, and you were angry at him, but instead of taking it out on him, you took it out on everyone else, right? You thought he was too weak and sensitive to handle it if you snapped at him, that must be what you assumed. But he couldn't find it in himself to prove that assumption wrong, and that's why he was just a burden to you.

"Okay, sorry." Mark said, brows furrowed. He understood where your annoyance came from, and he felt guilty at that moment for his slight frustration with you. He was only making sure you were okay, because he wouldn't know what to do if your pain got the best of you.

Yeonjun brought out his flashlight, flickering it on and pointing it towards the dark hallway ahead of you guys. "Let's not waste anymore time."

--------------------------------------------

Why were your feet wet? Looking down at the uncomfortable sensation of your wet socks, you noticed a thin sheet of water flooding the area around you as if there were leaky pipes running through the walls. Was it there before? You didn't remember the wet floors when you started this trek through level 609.

Yeonjun was ahead of everyone else, but still close enough to not cause any alarm. With a confused appearance, he shone the flashlight on the wall of the hallway, revealing the words, "DON'T LAUGH" painted in a cheery yellow. A shutter went down your spine, also reminding you of the pain from your ejected wings.

By now, the wet footsteps would've alerted any entities if you were there, but, weirdly enough, it seemed pretty empty.

"What the hell does any of this mean?" Yeonjun grumbled.

"Walking straight isn't helping." Arin said. "First rule that I've learned since being here: take any and all turns that you can."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Mark asked. "Some turns and entranceways lead to immediate death."

"That always depends. There's no absolute way that you could really know, but I've apparently been doing a good job, since I'm still here." Arin shrugged with a smile. "Let's turn there, Yeonjun." She pointed ahead at a turn into another hallway, and once walking a few steps ahead, Yeonjun shone his flashlight in that direction, then stopped, eyes going wide. Upon seeing his face, Arin's smile slowly dropped. "...Yeonjun?" Being met with a few more seconds of silence, she gently pushed past Mark in front of her to see what Yeonjun saw.

You saw her face drop even more, and her eyes widen. Whatever it was that they saw, they've never seen it before, and it wasn't dangerous enough to attack immediately. You had hoped to any higher entity that what was in that hallway wasn't a smiler.

"What is it?" You whispered. Arin gulped.

"We should probably not go that way." She said. Annoyed with the mysteriousness, you went yourself to go take a look. Right at the end of the hall was a clown. Not a fake clown or a scary clown, but a clown with a bright yellow smile painted on its face, and a rather joyful jester outfit on. It was staring right back at you, eyes blinking, but face nearly frozen.

"Is that...a person, or...?" You spoke. You didn't feel afraid, you were just confused. The clown moved, and you gulped. With a little audience watching, the clown did a silly dance, which, out of everything, seemed to scare you the most.

"I think it's trying to make us laugh." Beomgyu said.

"Would it kill us if we don't laugh?" Arin asked.

"The wall...it said not to laugh." Yeonjun replied, eyes still stuck on the clown who hasn't ceased in its dancing. After a few more seconds, he tore his eyes away from it, looking at everyone else. "It doesn't seem to be dangerous. If we get closer, we could test the waters and maybe even walk past it."

"Are you sure about that?" A low, quiet voice spoke, and you realized that you haven't heard Soobin speak in a long time. "Are we making risks to know more about the level, or are we making risks to get to the next one?"

"Both can't exist at the same time?" Yeonjun asked, eyes lidded in annoyance.

"He makes a good point." Mark said, receiving a death glare from Yeonjun. "A-and so do you, but...let's just make risks to get to the next level for now."

"So, we're still going this way." Yeonjun said. "If anyone doesn't want to follow, you don't have to." And with that, Yeonjun started his way down the hall, getting closer and closer to the clown. Each one of you followed without a trace. With every step closer, Yeonjun slowly pulled out the gun from his bag, and you slowly noticed how the water was now at your ankles. Did the water rise with time or does the water get higher at certain places in the level? That, you didn't know.

Yeonjun was now about two feet away from the clown, yet the clown was still dancing. With just enough space to get past the clown, each one of you slowly passed it, the clown turning to keep facing you guys as you passed it. When you were able to pass it next, you noticed its eyes. They were blue, with little specks of brown littering the perimeter. You noticed how its iris's very slightly jiggled, and how pupils dilated upon making eye contact with you. Your heart nearly stopped, as you felt a sudden wave of devastation. It was like...a real, conscious person was trapped in the body of a joyful clown, and inside of that body, the person was screaming for help, and you saw it all in its eyes.

Not wanting to see anymore, you shut your eyes tight, quickly passing him, and daring not to look at the clown for much longer. You wondered if anyone else saw what you saw, but no one seemed as devastated as you were. Shaking your head to try and get the image of sorrowful eyes out of the forefront of your mind, you continued along with everyone else.

"Guess it won't hurt us after all." Arin said. "Good call, Yeonjun. Everybody in for making any and all turns, now?"

-----------------------------

This level was simply heart-wrenching. How could anyone feel like laughing when passing by the numerous clowns who were screaming for help upon deaf ears?

The "joyful" clown wasn't the only clown the seven of you came across. Along your way, more showed up, harmless to the body but harmful to the soul. You still wondered if anyone looked into their eyes and noticed the pain, or if it was only you.

"What does this level even mean?" Beomgyu said. "The clowns are slightly creepy, but they won't hurt us, and there's absolutely no clue on how to get out of here."

"Well, that seems to be a running theme across all of the levels." Mark said. "The second part, I mean. There's never a clue on how to get out, most of the time, we've just gone to the next level by accident."

"That is true..." Beomgyu said.

Yeonjun huffed aggressively, shining his light on two more clowns blocking the hallway. He wasn't the only one annoyed, as you felt the water start to creep up to your knees, now.

"This might be a little late, but does no one else notice how high the water is getting?" You asked.

"You know, that is such a valid question, why is the water getting-" Arin started, but was interrupted by Yeonjun's frustrated grumbling.

"Now, they're just getting annoying," he said, flickering the flashlight on and off as if to get the clowns' attention. "Do something else other than dance, at this point." Successfully getting the clowns' attention, they turned their heads towards us, one's face painted with a sad expression, and the other with a shocked expression.

In the midst of his annoyed blinking of the flashlight, the flashlight suddenly turned off, and it went nearly pitch black dark, and only silence was heard.

"Did the battery run out?" You asked quickly, now scared. "Hyun, don't you have another one in your bag?"

"Uh, yeah, one second." He said, and you heard shuffling around as he tried to find his way into his bag in the dark, but then the flashlight suddenly turned back on with a click, and you whipped your head over to Yeonjun.

"Um, what was that...?" You trailed off upon seeing Yeonjun's wounded face. "...Yeonjun?"

He was staring at the clowns, hands slightly shaking. Looking back at everyone else, you wondered what had happened. Yeonjun slowly walked closer, feet staggering through the water, knees struggling to keep him up through what seemed to be his extreme shock.

"Ch...Changbin?" Yeonjun whispered, voice weak. "Wooyoung?"

You blinked. Did he know them? Who was Changbin? Who was Wooyoung? And why did Yeonjun look as if he had just lost something important to him. His breathing was harsh, and his eyes were wide, yet you noticed his waterline swell with...tears?

Slowly looking over to the clowns, you looked into their eyes, seeing an array of emotions, strong enough to make even you feel their pain. Panic, sadness, the agonizing longing to be heard, to be saved. You didn't dare move as Yeonjun got even closer, looking them in their eyes. He seemed to have finally noticed what was going on beyond the surface of their painted faces. His knuckles turned white, hands now shaking more noticeably.

What you didn't expect was the raspy sob that ripped from his throat, followed by a distressed cry, echoing throughout the hall. He doubled down, knees locking as he fell into the water, the only visible part of him being from his chest and up. He couldn't hold himself up for any longer, but his eyes didn't leave the clowns. Sobs echoed against the walls, enough to shred a weak soul apart.

Although the clowns were screaming in distress on the inside, their bodies started to move, as if they were controlled by a master puppeteer, and they started to...dance. Their smiles were wide as they jived around as if they were celebrating and having fun.

The more they danced, the more Yeonjun's face fell, slowly becoming emotionless despite the red in his eyes and the tears down his cheeks. The flashlight shone from under the water, the rays moving along with the ripples and waves the clowns made with their dancing.

No one spoke. No one moved. You could barely breathe in the air around you as you watched them dance. It was almost...mesmerizing. The look in their eyes didn't change, a drastic contrast to their joyful faces.

Nearing the end of their little performance, they started to form a heart together, both of them looking straight at Yeonjun. Their shaking arms came to a stop, of their heart pointed to Yeonjun, and as a finishing touch, a tear slowly streamed down the shocked clown's face, rolling over its wide smile.

Softly, this time, Yeonjun sobbed, eyes not leaving the clowns, although his vision was terribly blurred. Mixing in with his sobs, though, was what you thought was a slightly quiet chuckle.

Or...not what you thought...what it really was. Yeonjun was laughing. A broken smile appeared across his face as he laughed, his back slightly shaking with every breathy giggle that escaped his swollen lips.

The clowns' faces slowly fell, eyes wide and iris's shaking. Looking deep into their eyes, you could almost see the reflection of two people, trapped in a ball and unable to get out. They hanged their fists against the see through walls, and their screams fell upon deaf ears, as if they were warnings.

"Y-Yeonjun-" You shook, but he kept laughing. You panicked as you looked behind you at everyone else, wondering what the hell you were going to do, and wondering if they saw what happened at the extent that you did.

"The water's rising!" Soobin cried.

"Yeonjun!" Taehyun called out for him. You turned back around to see Yeonjun almost fully submerged into the water, and it was now rising quickly.

In a state of panic, and a last-minute feeling, you jumped out towards Yeonjun, grunting as you just now remembered your torn wings. Your back seared in pain, but you ignored it, reaching Yeonjun right before you the water completely submerged him. You had planned to pull him up and try to smack him out of it so that you all could quickly find a way out, but it was no use, and it was as if Yeonjun was tugging you down, under the water. It was way deeper than you thought, deeper than it possibly could be. The floor was right there, right?

With the both of you submerged under the water, you held your breath and looked up at what was the supposed to be the surface, but you were met with darkness. You looked around, eyes wide, trying to find everyone else, but they were...gone.

Your arms were still tightly wrapped around Yeonjun, and his eyes were closed. You didn't notice before, but he had passed out and now you just felt completely alone. Submerged in what seemed to be a deep and dark ocean, there was no one else around, and nothing left but emptiness. It was like you had fell into the pit that the victims of this level were pulled into, yet you had deeply hoped that you wouldn't turn into them.

Sad, sad clowns subjected to a tragic end with no way out. Meeting visitor after visitor and forced to collect their last bit of happiness before joining the heart wrenching waters of level 609.

----------------------------------------------------

SO, since it's been a while since I've posted a chapter, I want to remake my masterlist. If you'd like to be apart of the masterlist for any future chapters, please reblog and tell me in the tags! (also tell me your thoughts on this chapter, I LOVE to hear what readers have to say!!)

#txt #tomorrow x together #txt soobin #txt yeonjun #txt beomgyu #txt taehyun #txt huening kai #txt angst #txt smut #nct mark #level infinity #txt x reader #soobin x reader #yeonjun x reader

62 notes · View notes

mrslunasnape · 11 months

Text

Eye of The Beholder

This work was created for the Snapebang 2023! @snapebang

Author: @mrslunasnape Artist: @deathnotelu Artist: @okeydokeylackey Rating: PG Pairings: Severus Snape x OC Trigger Warnings: Bullying Tags: Teen Snape, Marauders Era, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff, Snape getting the love and support he deserves, bullying, inner monologue Summary: Severus comes from a hard upbringing. His father was abusive in multiple senses of the word. It's left him with an image of himself that he hates to look at. He's afraid to let anyone else really see him, for fear that they too might see him as the wretch that he sees himself as... Until his potions class partner challenges Severus to see him through her eyes.

“I want everyone to partner up! Partner up, everyone! Come now, let’s not slog about!” Professor Slughorn bellowed all too cheerily for a 7:00 in the morning class.

The room filled with the sound of students grumbling and the shuffling of feet as the practically zombie students took their seats.

The dungeons were dimly lit by candles on their last bit of wick. The bricks lining the walls were stained with the smell of smoke, ash, and herbs. An unusual ochre colored growth flourished in some of the cracks, but no one dared to investigate what it was.

“Do you want to be partners?” Luna nervously asked Severus.

“What?” Severus mumbled as he pried his focus away from his well loved potion’s textbook. He had been hunched over it, scribbling in any space he could find in the margins…which wasn’t a lot.

“For the assignment today, do you want to be my partner?” Luna repeated.

“I…um….yeah, sure.” Severus managed to get out before moving his satchel off the chair next to him to make room for her to sit.

Luna had dark chestnut hair that’s untamed curls spilled just past her shoulders. Her eyes were oceanic blue with a faint green lining around her pupils.

She was the middle child of the Black family, and it always seemed to perplex Severus that she would want anything to do with him. Her younger brother was cordial enough with him, but her older brother was downright cruel.

Severus was tall and lanky. His obsidian eyes housed no hidden flecks of light in them and matched the oil slick black hair that draped down to his chin. He was frequently referred to as a bat by the other students, and deep down Severus didn’t really ever blame them. He avoided looking in mirrors, not just because he didn’t like his physical appearance, but because he had a deep seeded fear that if he starred at the coal black eyes looking back at him in the mirror for too long that he would see himself. Really see himself. His father was a monster who abused both him and his mother, and he feared that a part of him slumbered deep within him. He was terrified that one day that part of him would awaken and turn him into his birthright; into a monster akin to his father.

Luna sat on the stool beside Severus and nervously tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear.

Gods. She can’t even look at me. Am I truly that hideous? Did I brush my hair this morning? Does it even matter? Focus, Severus.

“Amortentia!” Professor Slughorn announced as he lifted the lid off a large cast iron cauldron at the front of the room to reveal a swirling pink potion with a mother-of-pearl sheen to it. Most of the girls in the class giggled while several of the boys either groaned or mockingly made gagging noises.

Professor Slughorn ignored the commotion and continued, “A combination of the French word Amour, meaning love, and the Latin word Tentia, meaning held; the Amortentia potion can defined as a potion that reveals to us what we hold a special place in our heart for. What we love some might say.”

Professor Slughorn leaned over the swirling concoction and inhaled deeply; almost comically. He leaned back from the cauldron, his back practically crumpling as a euphoric exhale escape his lungs, “Ahhh, smells like success, fame, and recognition.” He chuckled heartily, “Many people make the mistake of thinking that the Amortentia smells only of romantic love, taking on the scent of the love interest of whomever smells it. Of course this is common enough, but it isn’t always the case. Some people have things that they love more than they love other people, and those smells often shine through in Amortentia. For example, the smell of money is a rather common one.”

Professor Slughorn turned his attention to Severus, who sat in the back row and was who once again preoccupied with the contents of his potion textbook, “I suspect Mr. Snape’s Amortenia would smell like books and ink. Honestly, my boy, I’m shocked how you manage to keep ink off that nose of yours with how close you get to that thing the parchment when you write.”

A few students chuckled.

Severus’s cheeks felt as if they were physically on fire.

Please don’t make them look at me.

“Now, while I appreciate your insatiable appetite for learning, Mr. Snape, I would kindly ask that you at least turn that desire to learn towards my lesson rather than your book.” Professor Slughorn lectured.

Severus grumbled something inaudible under his breath, but he returned his quill to its inkwell none the less.

“Moving on!” Professor Slughorn swished his hand in the air in a rather flamboyant manner, “Perhaps Amortentia is misnamed, for as we discussed earlier, its French route suggests it to be a potion of love. Of course, your average witch or wizard off the street will see it that way. But you, my dear students, are not common riff raff off the street! So learn well that Amortentia isn’t really about love at all. Sure, when you inhale its fumes each individual smells scents that appeals to their heart, but when the potion is consumed… well, now that’s a different story entirely.” Slughorn winked cheesily at the students.

“How can a love potion be dangerous?” A Slytherin boy taunted from the front row, “Oh no, my heart feels tingly now, so dangerous!” He pretended to faint into the arms of the student sitting next to him, who was all to eager to play the role of catching him and fanning his face.

Several boys laughed, while most of the girls in the glass shot him dagger eyes.

Professor Slughorn gave a muted chuckle, “That sounds like the talk of someone who has never experienced real love before.”

It was the girls turn to laugh.

Professor Slughorn continued, “Don’t be fooled, love is more dangerous than hate. Hate will make do unspeakable things to another in order to calm your own demons. Love will make you do unspeakable things to yourself in order to calm the demons of another.”

The fainting boy rolled his eyes.

“But, as I was saying, Amortentia is not truly a love potion, but rather an essence of love potion… and the worst essence of it. Despite how many skilled potioneers have tried over the centuries, none have been able to authentically recreate the emotion of love. If they had, they would be exuberantly wealthy and love potions would certainly not be sold from tacky little fountains at Zonko’s.” Professor Slughorn said as he side-eyed a Hufflepuff girl seated in the second row.

The girl had a tiny pink crystalline vial that housed a potion with a mother-of-pearl sheen to it. A distinct Zonkos label was plastered on the vial which read “Aphrodite Amortenia”. She was showing it off to a small group of girls who were huddled over it like a secret treasure. Upon being called out by the professor, she quickly shoved it into her satchel and flashed a weak smile.

Professor Slughorn pulled a small plastic comb from his chest pocket and brushed his hair back neatly, “No, Amortentia does not create love. It creates obsession. Specifically, it creates an obsession for the person who administered the potion to whomever drank it. While not love, obsession will certainly still make you do crazy things. People have killed for less.”

The room fell awkwardly silent.

Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together in front of him, the loud echo bouncing off the stone dungeon walls breaking the silence, “Well then, let’s get to brewing, shall we? Open your text books to page 493.”

Severus opened his textbook to Amortentia section, which to his potion partner’s surprise, was already filled well into the margins with notes in tiny fine print.

“You’ve already done your research I see.” Luna said playfully as she nodded her head towards Severus’s book.

“I like to read ahead…” Severus said mousily as his thumb caressed the worn pages of his well loved textbook.

Luna leaned in closer to read the small ink scratchings in the margins. There was so much written in such a tiny area that she had to squint in order to make the writing legible. There were corrections to ingredient measurements, recommended cauldron temperatures, substitute ingredients, and even notes on various ways to procure oils and seeds from herbs.

“Wow.” She whispered.

“I know, it’s a mess. My handwriting isn’t very good and some of the notes overlap because I was trying to squeeze in some information and there’s not a lot of space to work with but-”

“Severus, you’re brilliant.” Luna cut him off.

Surely I heard her wrong.

Severus’s face, normally almost as pale as the castle ghosts, faded to a sweet shade of pink. “Really?”

Luna’s fingertip traced along the lines of handwritten notes, “Yes. Really” She paused and looked up at him with a tender smile. “I should have you tutor me.”

“Oh, well…” Severus stumbled over his words.

“Mr. Snape. Ms. Black. This is the last time I’m going to ask for your attention.” Professor Slughorn scolded.

Severus and Luna’s faces both went red and their shoulders hunched with embarrassment as once again turned their attention to Professor Slughorn.

“The particular version of Amortentia that we will be brewing today was developed by Hogwarts Alumni Laverne de Montmorency. We’ll be using the following ingredients. Ahem.” Professor Slughorn cleared his throat before picking up each clear glass jar on his desk and holding it up so that the students could get a better view of each ingredient, “Ashwinder eggs. The eggs of this fiery serpent will help us to draw in the fiery energy of passion. Rose thorns, to remind us that love often hurts. Powdered moonstone, also known as the wishing stone, to enhance the desire for love. Pearl dust, known traditionally to help with heart conditions. Today it will aid us in a rather unconventional definition of a heart condition. And of course, rose petals, a timeless symbol of love. You’ll find the proper measurements for each of these outlined in your textbook, along with how to prepare them. We have about an hour left in class. That should be ample enough time for you to brew a small batch of Amortentia.”

Luna turned her attention back to her own textbook, “It says here the first step is to grind the moonstone and pearl down into dust using a mortar and pestle.” She dropped the gems into the mortar on their shared desk and began to twist her wrist back and forth in a feeble attempt to grind the stones into dust.

“It works better if you go in a circular motion.” Severus said barely audibly.

“What?” Luna questioned, not hearing him over the sound of several sets of mortar and pestles grinding around the room.

“Like this.” Severus said as he reached out and grabbed the pestle, his slender hand firmly placed on top of hers as he guided her to move the pestle in a grand circular motion encircling the entire inside of the mortar.

Luna turned her head to thank him, and quickly found her face so close to his that she could feel the warmth of his breath. The tip of his unique nose practically touched hers.

Severus, startled, quickly released his grip on the pestle and jumped back. “Sorry.”

“Thank you.” Luna said in unison with his sorry, “Wait, what?”

“Nothing.” Severus added nervously.

Why can’t I just act normal for once? This is why you have no friends.

Severus cracked the Ashwinder eggs and added them to the bubbling cauldron in silence as Luna finished grinding the powder. He tossed the shells into the bin and then turned back to face her, “Rose thorns and petals are next.”

A bouquet of gorgeous red roses sat in a spiral vase on the desk. The pair set to work carefully plucking the velvety petals from the flower and using a small paring knife to extract the thorns from the stem.

Art by @deathnotelu Instagram: amber_dnl

“Ouch!” Luna exclaimed as she dropped her knife on the table with a clatter. A small crimson droplet began to bloom on her thumb.

“Did you cut yourself?” Sever asked, clearly concerned.

“Yeah, but it’s not bad.” Luna said as she sucked on her small cut in an attempt to cull the sting.

Severus winced, “Don’t do that. It’s not good for the wound.”

Luna pulled her thumb back out from her mouth and a small droplet of blood once again formed on the tip of her finger.

Severus picked up his satchel from the ground and began to furiously dig around in it. Finally he pulled out a small bandage roll and a tiny vial of a fine yellow powder.

“What’s that?” Luna asked.

“Yarrow powder.” Severus responded, “It helps to stop bleeding.” He held her hand still with one hand and with the other carefully sprinkled some of the pine smelling powder onto her cut. He then proceeded to tightly wrap her finger with a small cloth bandage. “There.”

“I’m lucky you carry around first aid supplies.” Luna said with a smile.

“I get hurt a lot.” Severus said solemnly.

Luna felt her heart sink a little, “Thank you, Severus.”

I must seem so pathetic.

“Any time.” He meekly responded as he tucked his supplies back into his satchel.

Severus scooped up the collection of thorns they had made and tossed them into the brew. He began to stir methodically, one clockwise rotation followed by two counterclockwise rotation. He repeated this patten over and over as the potion began to swirl and shift colors in the cauldron.

Luna watched him curiously and then looked back down to her textbook, which clearly indicated to only stir the potion clockwise. She was going to bring this discrepancy up to him, but before her very eyes the brew began to shimmer with the telltale mother-of-pearl glow that only Amortentia produces. In fact, the shimmer of their potion seemed to surpass what was in Professor Slughorn’s own cauldron. They certainly had gotten theirs to shift colors faster than everyone else in the room.

Luna began to lean over the potion in an attempt to smell what unique scent the potion would create for her, but Severus reached his arm out in front of her and stopped her before she could get too close.

“Hold on.” He instructed. Severus peered over to Professor Slughorn, who was chatting up a Ravenclaw girl who was rumored to be the top of their class about joining his Slug Club. Seizing his opportunity, Severus slipped to the back of the classroom and into the storage closet. A mere moments later he returned holding a vial of tiny bright green leaves.

“What is that?” Luna whispered as to not attract any attention.

“Peppermint leaves.” Severus responded with a devilish grin only worn by those who have completed a successful heist.

“That’s not on the ingredient list.” Luna said curiously.

“It’s on mine.” Severus said proudly as he pointed to his textbook. Sure enough, scribbled in his own handwriting at the bottom of the ingredient list: peppermint leaves - finely chopped not crushed.

“Are you sure? Have you tried this before?” Luna questioned.

Only about a hundred times.

A warm smile melted onto Severus’s face as he finely chopped the small green leaves into the most delicate little pieces.

Luna couldn’t help but stare at him as he worked. His long slender fingers had a way of dancing with the knife. His face, which all too often had a cold and solemn look to it, now had a warm smile that while subtle, seemed to bring color to his entire face. He was beautiful, completely in his element.

Severus carefully scooped up the chopped peppermint and placed it into Luna’s hand, “Here. You do the honors.”

Luna hesitated, but when she saw the pure anticipation on Severus’s face she tossed the leaves into the cauldron. The spirals of purple smoke that were chaotically spurting out of the cauldron appeared to calm and find a consistent pattern.

“Huh.” Luna mused, clearly impressed.

Severus took a step closer to her and smiled, “Peppermint removes the rather unpleasant side effect of the drinker singing out of tune love songs.”

Luna giggled.

“You can try to smell it now.” Severus said, his head nodding towards the cauldron encouragingly.

Luna leaned over the swirling shimmering pink potion and inhaled deeply, her mind racing about all the different possibilities of scents she would smell. She paused and then stood up with a look of disappointment plastered on her face.

Oh, shit. Did I mess up?

“What?” Severus questioned.

“I don’t smell anything.” Luna said, “Are you sure the peppermint didn’t mess with it?”

“I’m certain.” Severus said sternly, “What do you mean you don’t smell anything?”

“I mean it doesn’t have a smell. It smells the same leaning over the cauldron as it does standing right where I am now.” Luna said.

“Huh.” Severus lifted a hand and rubbed his chin as if deep in thought, “Maybe what you love is Slughorn’s potions class.”

Luna laughed and playfully smacked Severus on the shoulder, “Oh, shut it, you.”

Severus gave a chuckle, and Luna realized this was the first time she had really ever heard him genuinely laugh. It was rich and deep.

“So it really smells like the classroom to you?” Severus pushed.

“I mean, not the classroom per say. The dungeon certainly has a distinct smell to it… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s not the dungeon itself that I smell. It’s just that where I’m standing right here smells no different to me than the Amortentia does.” Luna attempted to explain.

“Can you be more specific?” Severus asked.

Luna closed her eyes and inhaled, “It smells like sandalwood, blood oranges, ink, parchment, and the singe of smoke you get on your fingertips when you’ve spent too much time working with a potion.”

Severus looked down at his ink stained fingers. For a brief moment he hoped that it was him that she was smelling, but he quickly shoved that feeling down into a bottle with the rest of his emotions.

“Oh, just wonderful!” Professor Slughorn sang as he clamored his way over to the pair.

Startled, both Luna and Severus jumped before turning their attention to Professor Slughorn, who was now bent practically in half deeply inhaling the vapors coming out of their cauldron.

When he finally pried himself away from the vapors of their concoction his eyes were glazed over as if he were drunk.

“You two have done a wonderful job! Absolutely superb! Quite the potions pair you two make! Well done! 25 points to Slytherin for each of you on a job well done.” Professor Slughorn mused as he walked off towards the next pair of students, his walk a little more wobbly than usual.

“Oh, Gods!” Professor Slughorn groaned, his face practically turning green. “What did you two do?” his voice was now comically nasally as he had pinched his nose to not smell the brew in the student’s cauldron that was just as offcolor as Professor Slughorns skin.

The class erupted in laughter. Except for the pair who had made the disastrous brew, who began to melt out of pure embarrassment into their stools.

Idiots.

Professor Slughorn walked to the front of the room and removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket. It was painfully discolored, suggested not only that it was not just for show, but also that it was not washed frequently enough. He obnoxiously blew his nose and then tucked the dirty hanky back into his pocket. “Now then, I must remind you that love potions are banned here at Hogwarts. So please, no smuggling out any samples from todays class.” Professor Slughorn motioned towards the previous pair of student’s cauldron, “Especially yours. Who knows what that would do.” He skin began to shift to that nauseating green once more just thinking about the foul smell that pair had managed to create.

Professor Slughorn returned his attention to the Hufflepuff girl from earlier in the lesson, “Which reminds me. I’m going to need to confiscate that vial from Zonko’s.”

The girl grumbled, but handed over the vial to Professor Slughorn, who promptly tugged the vial into the tiny pocket hidden inside his jacket.

Severus and Luna walked out of the classroom together, but Severus stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Sirius leaning against the stone wall just opposite the classroom door.

The Hufflepuff girl and her group of friends were now huddled around Sirius, vying for his attention. Sirius was clearing basking in the radiance of their attention, but he was clearly not interested in any of them.

Why do so many girls look at him like that? Can’t they see him for what he really is?

“Lunch?” Sirius asked casually as he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on with his back and strolled towards Luna.

Luna hesitated a minute and turned to look at Severus, who had looked away pretending to be preoccupied with something else.

If I don’t make eye contact maybe he will leave me alone for once.

“Yeah, sure, I’m hungry.” Luna finally answered.

“Great. Meet you in the hall with the guys.” Sirius smiled and headed off. The pack of hormonal girls followed him like lemmings.

Luna turned to look at Severus, “Are you going to lunch too?”

“What?” Severus asked surprised.

“Are you hungry? You can come to the Great Hall with me.” Luna questioned.

She’s just being nice to me because she pities me.

“Oh… No, thank you. I was just going to go for a walk outside. Maybe read some by the lake.” Severus gave a slight smile.

“That actually sounds really nice.” Luna adjusted her satchel over her shoulder, “Maybe I’ll just grab something to go from the Hall and see you out there.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.” Severus said.

“I want to.” Luna replied cheerfully.

Severus’s smile was genuine this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Severus sighed in relief as he relished the feeling of the cool early autumn air as it kissed his skin. The temperature had just started to drop, but the leaves hadn’t begun to change colors just yet. He felt a weight come off his shoulders as he walked out of the castle walls. The loud hustle and bustle of the castle hallways was replaced by a comforting silence that enveloped him in a hug and calmed his nerves.

He loved going outside to walk or read during lunch. Any other time of day there were plenty of people out walking the grounds, but at this particular time of day he had them all to himself.

Usually.

“Hey Snivellus!” a shrill voiced called out from behind him.

Seriously?

Severus froze in his tracks, and his grip on the leather bound book in his hands tightened so much that his knuckles went white. For a moment he stood there in silence, his breath labored with inner rage, silently praying that they would just leave. He spun around quickly, “That’s not my name.” Severus snarled.

“That’s not my name.” James Potter mocked while making a pigish face. Sirius, Peter, and James all laughed. Remus and Lily hung back nervously, but neither did anything to deter their friends behavior.

James strutted towards Severus, a rather nasty grin plastered on his smug face, “I see you’re out to lunch with all your friends.” James mocked as he motioned towards the empty grounds.

Severus’s lips pressed tightly together in attempt to keep his rage from spilling out. He hugged his book to his chest, but remained silent.

Just leave me alone.

“Whatcha reading?” Sirius teased in a sing-song voice as he reached for the book.

“None of your business.” Severus responded coldly.

“Come on now, don’t be like that Snivellus.” Sirius goaded, the devil burning in his eyes.

“I told you, that’s not my name.” Severus spat, his voice now shaking with rage. He was finding it harder to swallow the venom of the beast that lay dormant within him.

“Ooooh hoooo, tough guy?” Peter chimed in, practically tripping as he stepped closer to Severus. His voice cracked when he spoke.

James scoffed, “The dungeon bat gets out of his cavern for one day and suddenly thinks he can take on the world.”

“Come on, let me just have a peak at the bloody book.” Sirius pushed as he once again lunged for the book. The cheery tone in his voice was gone and replaced with impatience teetering on anger.

Severus stepped back to dodge Sirius’s advances, but tripped on a tree root sticking out of the ground behind him. He stumbled and fell backwards. The stinging on his backside felt like nothing compared to the stinging that he now felt in his pride.

“Pathetic.” James sneered as he pushed his crooked glasses with one finger back up to their correction position on his nose.

Severus attempted to get up, but just as he was getting back to his feet, James reached into his robes and aimed his wand at Severus.

“Expelliarmus!” James shouted and Severus’s wand went flying from his hand, landing in some rather tall grass.

Panicked, Severus began frantically searching for his wand in the tall grass, tossing fistfuls of clumps of weeds and brush to the sides.

Come on, come on!

“Impedimenta!” James shouted, sending Severus once again tumbling to the ground.

This time he fell face first, his jaw smashing against a protruding sharp rock. The pain was instantaneous. Blood began to drip from his chin.

Severus’s thoughts went blank.

“You fucking asshole!” Severus shouted as he wiped his chin and looked down to see his fingertips covered in blood. Another drop fell from his chin and mixed with the dirt at his feet. His gaze returned to the clan of bullies, his obsidian eyes darkening beyond imagine.

“Tsk tsk” Sirius tutted, “What a filthy mouth you’ve got on you, Snivellus.” He placed a hand on his chest and feigned disgust.

“I can fix that.” James jeered, “Scourgify!”

Bright pink soap bubbles began to foam within Severus’s mouth and pour out his lips. They dripped down his face, mixing in a rather unpleasant manner with the blood on his chin. It made his fresh wound singe and burn. The taste was foul and Severus began to choke on the foam building up in his throat that prevented him from breathing properly. He felt as if he was going to be sick, but he stifled the urge to vomit for hear that he might asphyxiate.

“Ha, nice one James.” Peter egged him on. His rat-like face contorted in a rather disturbing smile.

“And now, for the grand finale” James announced, waving his wand arm in the air like a twisted circus ringleader, “Levicorpus.”

Severus began to slowly float in the air. His body writhed in a feeble attempt to keep his feet on the ground. He was about ten feet in the air when his body began to twist to turn him upside down.

“Let’s take a peak under those robes, shall we? Let’s see if you have the equipment to back up the attitude you just gave me.” James spit furiously.

Please.

Lily and Remus both looked horrified, but neither one of them made any attempt to stop James. They simply stood there and watched it happen.

Severus desperately attempted to scream for help, but the pink soap bubbles formed a gag.

I want to die.

“Expelliarmus!” a familiar female voice shouted.

James’s wand went flying from his grimy paw, and the moment it left his hands Severus was dropped back down to the earth with a loud thud.

James turned towards the voice, his face beat red with rage, spit foaming around his lips as he screamed, “Who the fu-”

“Flipendo.” Luna whispered with a soft rage, interrupting James mid sentence and sending him flying backwards into the field of grass where Severus’s wand was still lost.

“Luna!” Sirius scolded, “What the hell was that for?”

“What do you mean what was that for? Look at him!” Luna practically screamed as she motioned towards Severus who was just now getting back on his feet. He was covered in a mixture of dirt, soap, and blood that formed a rather repulsive color when mixed together.

“Oh, come on. It’s just Snivellus.” Sirius grumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. A nervous habit of his from childhood.

“His name is Severus.” Luna said sternly, noticing the moment of weakness in her brother.

“Whatever.” Sirius scoffed as he reached out a hand and helped James back to his feet, “Come on, let’s just go.”

As the group headed back to the castle, Luna stood there, her chest rapidly rising and falling with labored breath. When she was sure that they weren’t going to return, she turned around and headed over to Severus, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Severus said, clearly trying to hold back tears.

She must think I’m so pathetic.

“What am I saying? Of course you’re not okay.” Luna sighed and picked up Severus’s satchel. She reached inside and pulled out a familiar small vial of fine yellow powder, “Is this the yarrow powder?”

“Yes.” Severus responded meekly.

Luna popped the cork off the vial and poured a little bit of the fine powder onto Severus’s chin. He winced. “Sorry.” Luna whispered as she winced sympathetically.

“It’s not your fault.” He responded.

“All the same.” Luna smiled softly as she gingerly wiped his wound clean with first aide supplies she found in Severus’s satchel.

“I told you I get hurt a lot.” Severus gave a half-hearted laugh, but there was a darkness to his tone.

Luna frowned, “Please tell me this doesn’t happen all the time.”

Please don’t look at me like that.

“Not all the time.” Severus groaned as Luna wiped his wound, “… Just sometimes.”

Luna sighed, “I’m sorry.”

She thinks I’m pathetic. I am pathetic.

“I told you, it’s not your fault.” Severus repeated sternly.

There was an awkward moment of silence.

“Are you hungry?” Luna asked.

“What?” Severus responded.

Luna reached into her own satchel and pulled out two sandwiches, “I stopped at the Great Hall before coming out here. I know you said you were going to come out here to walk and read by the lake. I figured you’d be hungry… and I was hoping that maybe I could join you?”

What the hell?

“S-sure” Severus said, his voice clearly a little shaky.

Luna beamed and handed him one of the sandwiches. Severus took it from her with a faint smile. After relocating Severus’s wand in the brush, the two made their way down the path a bit until they came to a large oak tree on a hill just above the lake. It’s looming height suggested it had been there for years, perhaps as longer than the school had been open. There was a distinct patch of dirt at the base of the tree where grass had clearly stopped growing decades ago. It was obvious that over the years many students had sat here gazing out at the waters of the lake.

“This is one of my favorite spots.” Severus said as he took a seat at the base of the tree.

“It’s beautiful.” Luna remarked as she sat down next to him.

They sat in silence, eating their lunch and watching the wind blow little ripples of water across the lake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

“No, no, don’t cut it.” Severus said as he quickly snatched the silver dagger from Luna’s hand.

“What?” Luna boggled at him, “Did I mess something up already?”

“Technically, no.” Severus grinned.

Luna’s forehead crinkled with confusion.

“You get the juices out of the Sopophorous bean much more effectively if you crush it with the dagger instead of cutting it.” Severus said as he methodically pressed the shimmering silver blade at an odd angle into the bean against the cutting board. There was a soft crackle sound as the exocarp cracked open and thick silver juice oozed out from the pearly white bean.

“Where did you learn that little trick?” Luna questioned.

“Trial and error.” Severus responded as he poured the Sopophorous juices into the cauldron. He flicked his wand at large hooked spoon in the cauldron and it began to stir. It mixed the contents seven times counterclockwise before stopping, reversing direction for one stir, and then continued to repeat this pattern.

Luna watched the ladle dance in the cauldron and then peered back down at her textbook for a moment before turning her gaze to Severus, “Is this trial and error too? The extra clockwise spin?”

Severus simply smiled.

“You’re really something else you know that.” Luna praised.

“What?” Severus practically stuttered, “No, I’m not.”

“Don’t be modest. You’re bloody brilliant, Sev.” Luna beamed.

A faint rosey pink flushed Severus’s face.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were teaching this class one day. Hell, teaching your techniques to all the potioneers of the world.” Luna said earnestly.

“It’s just a few tweaks. Nothing major.” Severus insisted as his gaze moved to the floor.

“I wish you could see you like I do.” Luna resigned.

“… What?” Severus questioned.

“Oh, excellent work you too! You’re turning out to be quite the potioneer duo!” Professor Slughorn chimed as he leaned deeply over the still stirring cauldron to peer inside. “As a matter of fact, I was wondering, Miss Black, if you would be interested in a little soirée I’m holding this weekend. I call it my Slug Club. It’s rather exclusive. I only invite students who I think really have potential to make waves in the wizarding world. What do you say?”

“Actually, Professor, If you’re looking for wizards who will change the world one day, you should really be asking Severus to attend. He’s the brilliant mind behind our success in your class.” Luna insisted.

What?

“Well then, my invitation extends to you my boy. What do you say Mister Snape?” Professor Slughorn solicited.

You can’t say no now that she stuck her neck out for you.

“Um… Sure.” Severus mumbled.

“And you, Miss Black?” Professor Slughorn pushed.

“Of course.” Luna replied.

“Excellent!” Professor Slughorn said emphatically as he open his jacket and procured a pair of embossed party invitations. “I do so look forward to seeing you both there. Please dress formally.”

Ugh, what did I just agree to?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

When Severus wandered into the Slytherin common room after his last class of the day had concluded, Luna and Regulus were sitting together on black leather couch in the center of the room in front of a roaring fire. Luna had a parcel on her lap that was wrapped with brown paper and tied with a simple string. The two appeared to be huddled close together like thieves and laughing.

“Dad is going to kill you if he finds out.” Regulus chuckled.

“Oh, please. He has like a thousand of them. He’s never going to notice if just one of them goes missing.” Luna rolled her eyes.

Curious.

“Evening.” Severus drawled.

Luna and Regulus practically jumped out of their skin, like children caught misbehaving by their parents.

Severus’s eyebrow peaked at this behavior, “Up to no good are we?” he teased.

“No.” Luna said defensively.

“Yes.” Regulus said at the same time as Luna’s denial with a rather cheeky smile plastered across his face.

Luna gave Regulus a playful smack on the shoulder and Regulus laughed heartily in return.

“Come on, join us in our bad behavior.” Regulus teased as he scooted over to allow Severus to sit between him and his sister. He gently patted the spot on the couch in a welcoming manner.

What’s the catch?

Severus cautiously sat down between them.

“Here.” Luna said as she pressed the parcel into Severus’s lap, “This is for you.”

There it is.

“It isn’t my birthday.” Severus said cautiously.

“I wasn’t aware that I needed a special occasion to give a gift.” Luna tormented, “Just open it!”

Severus surgically opened the parcel, taking special care to unfold each little bit of paper instead of simply shredding it. When he finally had it unraveled, a cloak as dark as the night sky lay on the brown parchment.

It’s gorgeous.

“Try it on!” Luna exclaimed. The smile on her face was akin to innocent excitement of a child on Christmas morning.

Severus hesitated, but Regulus gave him a gentle push on the shoulder with his own shoulder, “Come on, Sev.”

Did he just call me Sev? Are we… friends?

Severus stood up and began to fasten the cloak, his slender fingers making quick work of the ties. The cloak enveloped him.

“It looks fantastic.” Luna beamed, her eyes widening to take him all in.

“Well, yeah.” Regulus scoffed, “It’s dad’s. It’s expensive. Of course it looks good.”

“It’s what?!” Severus exclaimed as he began to undo the cloak with a look of pure panic in his eyes.

Luna shot up from the couch and grabbed Severus’s hands to stop him, “It’s fine, Sev. I had Kreacher mail it to me. My father has tons of these, he’s never going to notice one missing.”

“I really don’t want to bring the wrath of Orion Black upon myself.” Severus said nervously.

“Kreacher won’t tell him. Really. He isn’t that loyal to my dad. Now if I had tried to get him to take something from mother… Well that would have been a completely different story.” Luna grinned.

“You’d be dead for sure. Both of you. And Kreacher. And probably me. And Sirius too for good measure.” Regulus chuckled.

Severus gulped.

“I got you this.” Luna said as she tidied up the bits of the cloak that Severus had undone, “So that you could feel like the superhero that you are. You know, like a cape.”

Oh Gods.

Regulus almost choked on his own spit from trying to contain his laughter.

“Don’t.” Luna warned as she pointed a threatening finger at her brother.

Regulus mimed locking his lips with a key and tossing it to the side before raising his arms like a criminal being arrested.

“I know it sounds silly… and maybe childish” Luna said tentatively, “But when you have this on I want you to see you like I see you. Brilliant. Caring. Strong.”

“I’m not..” Severus began, but he was quickly interrupted.

“You are.” Luna insisted, “When you wear this cloak, I want you to feel like a superhero. To be brave.”

Regulus shot up to his feet, “Like this, Sev.” Regulus stood with his feet firmly planet, his chest puffed up, and his hands resting on his hips like a hero right out of a comic book.

They aren’t messing with me… this is genuine.

Severus laughed nervously, and replicated Regulus’s pose, albeit with much less confidence.

“I love it.” Luna giggled as she clasped her hands in front of her chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Severus crooked his neck in a feeble attempt to see past the towering stack of books that he held as he maneuvered from the Restricted Section of the library to a small table in the corner of the room where he hoped to read undisturbed. His face contorted in a wince as his hip banged against the corner of a bookshelf on the side of his book tower that he couldn’t see.

“Aw, hurt ourself, did we Snivellus?” a familiar voice taunted.

Severus froze in his tracks, the book at the very top of the stack fell to the ground with a thud.

“Looks like you dropped something.” A second familiar voice chimed in, “Here, let me help.”

Can’t I just have one day…

The tower of books came crashing down to the ground, revealing James and Sirius in their wake. James had smacked the books from Severus’s hands, and stood there with a smug look on his face. “Oops.”

Severus looked down at the books strewn on the floor, some of which had had their spines cracked. He felt a rage building up inside him that longed to be unfettered.

The pair of boys began to cackle like the witches in muggle fairy tales, watching Severus’s burning gaze towards the ground.

“You’re so clumsy. Did you get some of the grease from your hair on your hands? That’s probably why you dropped that.” James sneered.

Normally Severus would sulk away and have an imaginary argument with his bullies in his mind when he got back to the dormitory. He would think of all the things that he wanted to say but never had the courage or the confidence to in person. Today was different. As he stared at the books on the floor he caught a glimpse of the bottom of his cloak billowing in the light draft that always seemed to be present in the library. Flashes of him and Regulus posing like super heroes in the common room while Luna laughed went through his mind. And he felt brave.

I don’t deserve this.

“Do you have no respect for anything?” Snape annunciated each work with deadly precision as he slowly raised his gaze from the floor to meet James. His obsidian orbs darkened like night as the hurt and rage he had spent years bottling up poured out of him.

Rage from being an outcast. Rage from being tormented relentlessly. Rage from being beat and called names from his father. Rage from his mother who watched it all happen. Rage from the dark thoughts that he poised his own mind with about himself.

James took a step backwards, caught off guard by the sudden change of demeanor, “Wha-”

Severus cut him off abruptly, “Do you have any idea how valuable these books are?”

James snorted, “Valuable? They’re a couple of ugly books. They’ve got torn pages and broken spines.”

Severus gave an exhausted sigh, “The value of things does not lie in their appearance.”

“That sounds like shit ugly people say.” Sirius chuckled.

Severus scoffed, “I am constantly amazed at the level of delusion people must possess to think that beauty is the same as goodness. The ladies may swoon over you now, but your ugly hearts will rot you from the inside out. I only pray that I am there to witness the day people finally see you for who you really are.”

Severus gathered his books, taking the time to inspect each one for damage before placing it on the desk next to him.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sirius said, his chest puffed out defensively.

“It means I hope you choke.” Severus said coldly as he sat down and began to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

“Gods, please tell me that you actually said that last bit.” Regulus said eagerly, perched on the edge of the leather couch in the common room, “And I mean out loud, not in your head.”

Severus gave a lighthearted chuckle, “I did.”

Regulus fell back into the couch and full on belly laughed, “Oh, I can’t wait to tease Sirius about this. Good on you, Sev. It’s about time you stood up to that lot.”

Luna walked up to Severus and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a deep hug, “I’m so proud of you.”

I’m proud of me too.

Severus stood with his arms awkwardly straight as his sides, still as a statue as Luna hugged him. His body may have been frozen in that position, but inside his heart flicked with an unusual warmth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Severus broke himself out of his self-induced trance and finally looked up from his potions textbook. How long had he been at it? He could have sworn the sun was still up when he had started, but it was dark now. He could, and frequently did, lose himself in his studies.

He looked back down to his book and glanced over the tiny handwritten notes scattered among the margins. He was more than just a few chapters ahead of the class, he was practically finished with the book. He yawned, but caught himself just before his hand reached his mouth and pulled it away. It was absolutely covered in ink stains.

He closed his worn textbook and tossed it into his leather satchel. He gathered the rest of his things quietly, after all he wasn’t sure what time it was, and he didn’t want to disturb anyone else in the dorms.

He made his way quietly to the bathroom and dropped his satchel on the floor next to the door. The echoing thud of his bag hitting the ceramic tiles of the floor let him know that he was alone. He locked the door behind him, sighed wearily, and began to undress. He always showered late at night so that he didn’t have to deal with other people. The thought that someone might see him disrobed absolutely horrified him. Hell, he even avoided looking in the mirror during his evening routine.

Severus procured a small bottle from his satchel. It was a special shampoo blend that he had crafted for himself. Plenty of people had referred to him as “greasy” and he was experimenting with creating his own blend that would alleviate this issue.

He turned the shower water on, but remained outside the stall allowing the water to heat up. Dancing waves of steam poured out of the shower stall and began to fill the room. The mirrors fogged over and he no longer felt worried about catching a glimpse of himself. He popped the stopper off the bottle and absentmindedly took a whiff of his shampoo. It smelled delightful, like sandalwood and blood orange. Severus froze for a moment as his thoughts raced.

It was at this moment that he noticed the light singe of smoke on his fingertips from working with cauldrons and the splotches of ink along the sides of his fingers and his palms.

Earlier in the week when Luna had described what she smelled in the Amortentia… it couldn’t be.

But there it was, both in and on his hands. Sandalwood, blood orange, smoke, and ink. What she had smelled was him. He shook his head dismissively, as if to shake his own thoughts out of his head.

Surely not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Severus sat uncomfortably next to Regulus on the black leather couch near the fireplace of the Slytherin common room. He was dressed in a high collared dress robe of varying shades of black and grey. He had also included the cloak that Luna had gifted him. The robes long sleeves with tightly clasped buttons and equally buttoned up beck ensured that very little if any of himself was showing. He felt more secure by hiding his body away behind those buttons. Each one a tiny shield fighting off anyone from seeing him underneath.

He couldn’t sit still, and found his hands constantly fidgeting with the buttons on his clothes. The thread in the button over his wrist had begun to fray as a result. Butterflies danced in his stomach.

This isn’t a date. This is a professor led social event. This isn’t a date.

“You alright, mate?” Regulus asked with one eyebrow peaked.

“What?” Severus said rather surprised. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he had almost forgotten that Regulus was even in the room.

“You’re all…” Regulus fumbled his own hands around rather dramatically, mimicking Severus’s hands, “I don’t know. All twitchy.”

“I’m fine.” Severus assured him as he clasped his hands together and forced them to behave and sit still. The frayed button was all too obvious now and it pained him that he didn’t have time to stitch it to be more presentable before the party.

A sound of a heavy door shutting from the girls upper dormitory entrance filled the room, causing both boys to snap their attention upwards.

Luna was adorned with a black and green layered dress. The top was black with long sleeves and black buttons running down the sides of her waist. The second layer of fabric peaked out beneath the top layer and was emerald green with black lace florals ontop. A small black silk bow was tied in the center of her collar.

“That looks new” Regulus smiled as he went over and gave his sister a hug, “You’re gonna drive those nerds at Slughorn’s party nuts.”

Luna giggled and playfully smacked Regulus, “Shut up.”

“Fine. You look ugly. Is that better?” Regulus teased.

Stop it.

Luna full on belly laughed now.

“A right old maid. You’ll be single your whole life. Mum and Dad will get no grandchildren from you, that’s for sure.” Regulus continued to speak over Luna’s laughter.

“That’s enough.” Severus said sternly.

“What? Don’t you think my sister looks ugly, Sev?” Regulus tormented, “What’s the issue? Do you fancy her, Severus?”

“N-no. Of course not.” Severus stuttered.

Luna stopped laughing. She felt her heart sink to the very pit of her stomach.

“I’m just teasing.” Regulus assured him, “Just keep an eye on her at the dance, yeah? Don’t let any of those nerds get too fresh with her. Bring her back in one piece.”

“I will” Severus smiled nervously.

“Good, because I really would hate to kill you. I actually kinda like you.” Regulus had a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

“Regulus!” Luna scolded him.

Regulus simply chuckled, “Go on now, you’re gonna be late.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Severus and Luna walked down the empty halls, the light from the tips of their wands the only thing pushing back the pitch black darkness. It was late at night, and most of the school was sequestered to their dormitories. They, along with the other attendees of the Slug Club, had been granted special privileges to be out late tonight to attend Professor Slughorn’s soirée.

Their footsteps echoed so loudly that they bounced off the walls and gave the illusion that someone was walking behind them.

Luna inched closer and closer to Severus as they made their way down the hall until finally the side of her arm was brushing against his.

The sudden sensation of another touching him startled Severus, and the nervousness he felt only heightened as he turned to see Luna’s face lit up faintly by the glow of their wands next to him.

“Sorry.” She whispered, as if they weren’t the only two people in the hall. “Just a bit nervous in the dark.”

“I’m right here.” Severus reassured her.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to Professor Slughorns office. Every now and then the natural sway in their arms from walking would cause their hands to graze one another. Each time it sent a cold panic into Severus, like ice shards piercing his heart.

They gave the secret knock that Professor Slughorn insisted everyone in the Slug Club memorize and the door swung open. Not magically, but by Professor Slughorn himself who stood proudly just beyond the threshold in an ill-fitted plaid suit. “You rushed the triplet in the middle, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

Why did I agree to come here?

He took a step back and ushered the pair into the room with a grand sweeping of his arm, “Welcome, welcome!” he voice bellowed.

Art by @deathnotelu Instagram: amber_dnl

The pair walked awkwardly through the door together. They felt like they had walked out on to stage in the middle of a play; as if the spotlight had suddenly shown on them and they were standing there with no lines rehearsed. It felt as if everyone was starring at them.

They were.

Kill me.

“Drinks are just over there.” Professor Slughorn broke the silence as he pointed towards an elaborately dressed buffet table on the opposite side of the room. It was adorned with several large bowls of varying drinks.

“Thanks” Luna gave an awkward smile and headed towards the drinks. Severus followed close behind.

The novelty of the new party guests wore off quickly and soon the room was back to murmur of voices, fake laughter, and clinking glasses.

“What do you want to drink?” Severus asked as he grabbed two ornate crystal goblets.

“Fizzleberry, please.” Luna responded.

Severus poured himself the same, although he had never actually tried it before. It took him longer than he would admit to pour the drinks, as his hands were shaking. It filled him with self-hatred. Potioneering was a craft that required steady hands, and on any other day he was steady as a muggle surgeon. Not today though. Crowds and parties were certainly not his thing.

I hate everyone.

“Thanks.” Luna smiled as she took the drink from him.

Almost everyone.

Severus attempted to socialize at first, but he couldn’t help but feeling like a lost puppy following Luna around while she talked to the other guests. She would look to him to join in on the conversation from time to time, but remained silent. He was sure she was just trying to include him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was just a disappointment.

She probably regrets telling Slughorn to invite me.

Eventually, not wishing to be a burden or to spoil the mood of the party, Severus had sat himself alone at a table in the corner of the room. He had been holding the same cup of fizzleberry soda since they arrived, but he hadn’t taken a single sip of it. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if his stomach could handle it, and he was absolutely not going to deal with the embarrassment of throwing up at a party. The other students already had enough ammunition to use against him.

When he finally took a sip of his drink he realized that it had long since gone flat. He wretched and his face tightened up in a painful looking grimace.

Ugh, flat and unbearably sweet.

If it were up to him, he would have slipped out and gone back to the dormitories soon after arriving. Of course he wouldn’t though, he had promised Regulus that he would look after Luna. Although, if he was being honest, he knew that she didn’t need looking after. After all, she had been the one to recently come to his defense.

“Severus?” Luna said his name in a tone that suggested it was not the first time she had tried to get his attention.

“Hm?” He barely got out as he snapped back to reality.

“Let’s go.” Luna said encouragingly as she nudged his chair with her leg.

Please.

“The party isn’t over.” Severus said, although inside he was dying to leave.

“I know, but Professor Slughorn cracked open a vintage wine that he said everyone could have some of as long as they didn’t tell. I’m sure no one will notice if we leave, and even if they do they’ll probably forget come morning. Let’s go. You look so uncomfortable.”

Oh thank the Gods.

“Alright then, if you’re sure.” Severus said tenatively.

“Now when you’ve made a name for yourself, don’t forget who it was who set you along your path, yes?” Professor Slughorn said as he lifted a glass of wine that was certainly not his first for the night high above his head.

Sure enough, not a soul noticed them leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

As soon as the door shut behind them, the loud chattering sounds of the party vanished completely. Clearly Professor Slughorn had placed a silencing charm on the door so as not to draw an unwanted attention to what really goes on in a Slug Club party.

Severus immediately started heading back towards the Slytherin dormitories, desperately wanting to put some distance between himself and that wretched party. When he only head one set of footsteps echoing in the hall he turned to check on Luna, “Coming?”

“Can we take a detour?” Luna asked, her hands nervously clasped behind her back like a child trying to act innocent to gets sweets from her parents.

“I don’t think that’s very wise. It’s late and I promised Regulus I’d get you home safely. He said he would hate to kill me, you remember?” Severus smiled.

“Just a quick one.” Luna pleaded as she leaned forwards on her toes just slightly.

Severus sighed, “Fine. A quick one.”

Luna beamed and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him off with her in the opposite direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

It was much lighter outside the castle walls at night than it was inside of them. Thousands of twinkling stars up above lit up the night sky and illuminated the walkways of the grounds.

The sounds of owls hooting and katydids chirpping filled the night air. Sounds like branches snapping beneath creatures wandering in the Forbidden Forest carried so much father in the night; their rustling being able to be faintly heard from the banks of the Black Lake.

The pair was seated at the base of the ancient oak tree by the lake. Hundreds of fireflies danced in the sky, creating little orbs of light that waltzed with them on the surface of the water. Every now and again a firefly would wander over to them, its little green light illuminating their faces for a fleeting moment.

“Beautiful.” Severus whispered.

“Right?” Luna smiled, “Autumn is just beginning, so this is the last chance we’ll probably have to see them this year. I just wanted to see them one more time before we get into the nitty gritty of the school year. A bit of nature’s magick to get me through the year.”

She has no idea I didn’t mean the fireflies.

She leaned back against the base of the might oak, which Severus was already leaning against; their shoulders pushing against each other.

“It reminds me of when I was little. I loved watching them in the garden. When I was very young I would cry when they would go away for the year. Regulus actually caught me some in a jar once to keep as pets… Sirius smashed them and painted his face with their glowing inside. He thought it looked like war paint.” Luna laughed hollowly.

Asshole.

“I’m sorry.” Severus said solemnly.

“For as sweet as he can be to me, he also has a tendency to hurt things that I love. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or not.” Luna sighed.

“What else has he hurt?” Severus asked, his gaze still fixed on the fireflies over the lake. When he received silence as an answer, he turned to look at Luna. She sat in utter silence looking at him.

Severus swallowed, but his mouth was just as dry as his throat and offered no comfort from the nervousness that now muted him like a cotton ball in his mouth.

She can’t possibly mean…

Saying nothing, Luna slid her hand closer to Severus’s.

The pair both looked down as their hands dared to close the gap between one another. Their fingers anxiously playing chicken over who would touch the other one first.

Come on, Severus, be brave.

Finally Severus’s pointer finger gently brushed the top of her knuckle.

Their eyes met and Severus could see himself in the reflection of her eyes. And for once, he could really see himself. Not as how his father saw him. Not as how his tormentors saw him. Not even as how he saw himself… but as how she saw him. Brilliant. Caring. Strong.

Art by @okeydokeylackey https://okdl.carrd.co/

He leaned in towards her cautiously, expecting her to pull away at any moment. But she didn’t. Their lips grazed against one another, and Severus felt his heart stop. In a fraction of a second that felt like an eternity he waited for her to jerk away from him utterly repulsed. But she didn’t. To his utter surprise, she pressed her lips back into his. His hand wrapped gingerly around her cheek and pulled her in closer as he dared to go in for another kiss.

#Teen Snape #Snape getting the love and support he deserves #mrslunasnape #pro snape #severus snape #snapebang

62 notes · View notes