#//Genuinely thinking about a hiatus. I don't WANT to but maybe it's a good idea for a while.

[serpulalacrymans]

//I am a writer who likes to create a friendly and inviting environment. I try my best to do so, anyway. I like making friends! I do my best to keep the peace, I like to think I'm friendly and easy to get along with-

//But none of this means you're automatically invited into my friend circle. Let that be fucking clear. I'm a friendly neighbor. I'm your Tumblr friend. I'm a good acquaintance, or a fun mutual. We can absolutely be friends. But make no mistake- If you don't have my Discord, or any other social media of mine that I have provided to you, all we are, are Tumblr friends.

//I like getting along with people, and I adore and cherish the friends I do have on this website. It is genuine friendship. I do care. Even if we hardly talk, if we haven't interacted in months, that doesn't mean I've forgotten you or left you behind- but it also doesn't mean you're entitled to me in any way shape or form. It doesn't put you on the same level of my other friends who I've known for years, who know so much about me, who know my name and my favorite dinosaur, who have history with me.

//I am also aware that I don't personally talk in DM's a lot. I know. I know it would help if I did. But know I have... like NO friendship decay, so unless we've been dormant for decades or something, I'll just kinda respond as if we've been talking every day. None of this is INTENTIONAL, I just have a very hard time talking and keeping up with people. This isn't an excuse, it's just an explanation. I still love you the same as I did 4 months ago when we both said Hey exactly once. And I know it isn't very fair for me to just.. Expect everyone else to come chat ME up while I sit and wait for it, but DM's aren't all there is- if I like you, I will interact. I will like your posts. I will send the occasional ask/post reply.

//It really fucking sucks that my outlet is ONCE AGAIN taken and turned into something weird and uncomfortable for me. If you want to be closer friends, just talk to me. Let me know. And if I want to be, I'll let you know. We're adults.

//Not sharing the user out of respect, but things like this will never be okay. You don't know who I am. No one knows what these kinds of messages can do to a person. To sit there and guilt trip me, pretending like I have soured your favorite character is bullshit and it's not right to put that, or anything else, on me. I hate that I have to sit here and explain this shit to grown ass adults. But apparently I need to.

//If you would like me to be more attentive and present, now is the time to let me know. If you feel neglected by me, let me know. If you want to be closer, LET ME KNOW and I will give it a try.

[fairestwriting]

Hello, if you don't mind, I want to request a sceanrio or headcanons (which one you more prefer is fine by me) with Jade insist to take care of his crush after a long day of dishwashing duty in Monstro Lounge despite his crush doubt that he might wanted to get them in his debt and does not realize that he did that because he has a crush on them? Feel free to skip this req if it's makes you uncomfortable though <3 Thank you!

oldie but one that i thought of a bit even when i was on hiatus... scenario format because maybe i want jade to take care of mw after a long workday too. What the hell

word count: 1345

pairing: jade x gn!reader

content warnings: wish fulfillment none:)

You exhale heavily, your shoulders slumping even without you willing them to, as the very last plate is cleaned to perfection, setting it down with all the others...

It's not that you expected a night of dishwashing to be the easiest thing in the world — but luck really wasn't on your side that day, and it turned out it was the third years' last day of exam week.

Which meant, the Lounge would be crowded. Which meant, you'd have a lot of dishes to wash. Which meant, as you just now discovered, your upper back, forearms, and feet would start to actively try to kill you.

At least it's all just over, you think. You pull off your apron and the rubber gloves that did nothing to keep your hands from going wrinkly from exaggerated humidity, then you turn around, ready to report to Azul that your shift was over—

Then, in your tired haze, you bump into something, someone, and it doesn't even register who it is until a firm grip on your upper arm keeps you from embarrassingly stumbling for a good moment.

"J...Jade? What are you doing here?"

He looks at you. His hand is still gripping your arm, though... it's done really softly, especially for an attempt at keeping someone from tripping.

And he smiles softly, politely at you. Like he always does.

"I could perhaps ask you the same question." He says, a lilt to his voice, releasing your arm as you step back into a balanced stance. "It's rather late, you know? Azul was even looking for you."

"Oh, was he?" You cringe at the way it comes out a little more bitter than you'd intended, but... you're tired, and Jade was... strange, but definitely not a tyrant. "Well, I was about to go look for him and say I'm done with the dishes. There was just..." You glance behind yourself, seeing the piles of plates and glasses, the dish soap bubbles that got everywhere. "There was a lot."

Jade's gaze follow yours, and his smile softens, even more when he looks back at you.

"In that case, why don't you let me inform him instead, and I could... get you something to eat in the meantime? You must be hungry."

Alarm bells ring inside your head. The offer is tempting, of course it's tempting, but this is still Octavinelle, and Jade is still Azul's... henchman, or something. You grimace while you try to get your tired brain to think of a response.

"Um... no, thanks, I'd rather not be indebted to—"

"Ah. You're worried about that?" He asks, and the look on his face, while hardly different from his usual poised smile, has a hint of... something different that you couldn't quite place. "In that case, we could arrange a way for you to... give me something in return?"

"Uh..." Again, the alarm bells continue. If they weren't mental, the noise would probably be intense enough to give you a headache— "I don't... think I have anything you'd..."

"Your company, in exchange for any menu item free of charge. How does that sound?"

What.

You blink, genuinely dumbfounded. Jade still smiles. Always does. You're not sure if it's a joke, a part of you says it's a bad idea, but...

"You want my company in return for the favor." You echo to him, and he nods.

"Yes. I'll tell Azul you're done with your work, and fetch you whatever you wish. Then we can get a sit while you eat. Does that work for you?"

"That..." You really wish you could protest, but at the worst moment possible, your own hunger makes itself known. "...okay."

"Lovely. You can wait at the Lounge. What would you like to have?"

You mumble out your usual order, still a bit confused, and he gives you a nod as you part ways. Out of the kitchen, you don't waste too much time in taking one of the seats with cushy chairs, sighing in relief when you feel your body sinking into them just slightly, supporting those overworked limbs.

The Lounge really was empty. You have a few minutes to stare at it, all by yourself — it really must be late — and even dare to bask in the comfy, yet classy lighting of the environment.

It felt so much different like this. No music, no people to serve. It was... relaxing, surprisingly. Even though it was your workplace, and the source of quite a lot of stress in your life...

"The boss is notified. Here's your food." Jade chimes in with a playful tone after what feels like way too little time, setting a plate of your very favorite Mostro Lounge special in front of you. You can't help the way your eyes widen at it a bit, still not fully grasping the situation.

"And Azul is okay with this?" You grab the fork, but look up at Jade first, watching as he takes a seat in front of you.

"Of course. I wouldn't do that otherwise."

He chuckles, and despite your cautiousness, you can't resist the urge to dig into your food. It tastes even better after all that work.

And for some reason, it makes Jade's smile just a touch brighter when he watches you eat.

"It's important to eat well, you know. I hope you've been getting enough meals lately. Exam weeks are never kind."

"Yeah, I... I mean, I'm doing fine. If I want to keep up with all the work, I have to eat."

You take a larger bite, and he continues to watch you. With one more sprinkle of energy in your system, you start to try to understand what got to him all of a sudden. You look through his features, usually so unreadable and static, and you search for... something. Anything.

A sign this was a strange prank, maybe.

"That's good to hear. In any case, though, I'll discuss with Azul to have better planning for evenings like these... Friday nights and such. I wouldn't like to see you so overworked again."

You stop chewing for a split second when you catch on to his wording. I wouldn't like to see you so overworked again. Maybe you're just too tired, and making this all up, but...

What's different in Jade's face now is that there's a hint of sincere softness. One that doesn't even look all that unfamiliar— that you swear had been there when you had brief chats during work hours, even.

Your face flushes. Is he...?

You lift your gaze away from the food, and meet Jade's eyes. He's still smiling, hands folded politely on the table, though it's small enough that when you set your fork down, you swear you feel your hand brush against his glove.

"Thank you... for this, Jade." You mumble out, unsure of what to say. He gives you a smile like he always does, but in this empty, silent Lounge where you're not even sure if you're seeing things right, it makes your heart flutter.

"Thank you for the company. It really was a busy night." He gets up, taking your plate. Only now, you notice you're done eating. "I'll take care of these, don't worry. Just head back to your dorm and rest up. Unless..."

You blink at him again, now unsure of how your brain could even withstand so much confusion. "U...Unless...?"

"...Unless you'd like me to escort you?" He says, and his eyes narrow slyly, glinting— now, wait a minute...

Floyd and Azul were still supposed to be there, weren't they? They always were during closing time. Which meant...

Of course. Of course Jade would only go about something like this as deliberately as possible.

He chuckles. Your face is hot all over and his smile is wide. Skillfully, he carries the plate in one hand as he makes his way to the kitchen.

"Just wait for me if you do. We can make another deal if you want."

And then, he's out of signt, and you're left with a dizzying feeling.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

[partyhorn]

Very long personal 4am rambling. Honestly, I'm trying to really think about what direction I want to take MFM in. I will say that I'm still always going to make it as a comic first and foremost, I'm very excited for the story and don't plan on putting it on hiatus or discontinuing it (my love for comics as a medium is too strong to NOT see it through to the end!) I hate to talk about personally on this account, but in all honesty, I'm trying to figure out what's best for my own health. Drawing all these pages physically exhausts me, especially with how much more complex the art is becoming. My passion for the story is endless, but it's almost at a detriment. Came to the realization that it's one of the only things I feel genuine joy for anymore (...but that's already kind of shown itself in the themes of "passion can drive you to crazy lengths" in the comic.) I'm pretty much in the same regard when it comes to making this whole story. I completed all of chapter 45 in just 2 weeks, a whole 27 pages of highly-rendered panels in a very short amount of time for that kind of work. And I love it! But it's exhausting.

But really, I'm not sure what else I could do. My current financial situation isn't great, and I'm just trying to focus on what I can do to finally get financially stable (and then I'll focus on my health and crazed work ethic later). In relation to art, my main idea is to try to jump back in the indie animation scene to help draw more attention to the comic, which I'm getting a start in with the coffee short film. That's a ton of work as well, even more so than comic work in some aspects, but animation IS more popular and is sure to draw in at least some new folks. I'm just gonna have to see where this little short film leads me when it's finished a good few months from now (luckily 3D animation is miles easier than 2D for me.)

I feel like I've expressed my frustrations before at how unpopular comics are as a medium in general. It's a ton of work and deserves much more recognition for sure. I've enjoyed drawing comics tenfold as much as animating, and that's what I'd majored in during college! But comics are just not a popular medium. I don't even really want to jump into huge animated projects again with my current exhaustion (and a couple projects already still sitting on the back burner... sorry Parvey) but I feel as though I have no choice if I truly do want MFM to reach a bigger audience. Which in all honesty, I'd love more than anything in the world to happen.

I've put years of work and driven myself to physical exhaustion working on these comic pages. It's me alone who's drawn all 1100+ pages of this story (with a handful of commissioned chapter covers every now and then), and I'm tired of lying to myself- it IS a ton of effort. I'm considering really shifting gears to focus on more animated content relating to MFM- first the short film, then maybe jumping right into the huge animated adaptation, and then whatever comes after that. 2D or 3D, I don't really know at this point. Both are a lot of effort, and it's hard to judge when I'm so tired. But it might be a better investment of my effort in the end if it gets me anywhere in life. If it's any indication given how I've drawn these thousand pages myself, I could probably one-man-band this as well. But, that's also just the passion speaking.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this at this point. My brain is kind of fried. I don't plan on quitting the comic, I'm going to draw it to completion no matter how long that takes. But I'm also becoming very aware of how it's affecting me to be working myself to death for seemingly nothing, driven by an extremely intense passion. I don't even know if I'd be able to slow my pace down on making these pages if I tried- it's like an unscratchable itch to keep the story going, even during times where I force myself to focus on other more important tasks. I feel as though it really reflects in recent themes in the comic itself: grind culture sucks, and once you slip into that mindset it's hard to climb out. Even if it's something you do entirely to yourself, even if it's something out of love, it can still severely affect you. That's as best as I can describe it.

But that's not all to say that I'm ungrateful for the amount of support for the story I've gotten- in fact, it's one of the things that really keeps me going. It's great to get asks, genuine or goofy, and I appreciate everyone who's ever told me how the story has impacted them and such. It makes all of the time and effort I've put into this whole comic feel worth it. Frankly, I'd love for this whole story to get fandomized to hell and back. I don't know if it'll ever get there, but it'd be cool. Thank you all for the continued support, for real.

I think I just want to focus on ways for this story to reach an even bigger audience, even just for the sake of putting this endless passion into something that'll do me good as a physical person. If I suddenly shift gears and decide to jump headfirst into making a full animated adaptation, then that'll probably be why. But I also might wake up tomorrow and completely change my mind. Either way, chapter 46 is probably going to be done in a few week's time, just because I know that's how my brain works.

[thefrogdalorian]

Hello! 

You may (or may not... I don't like to presume) have noticed my little break from posting. I just wanted to share something in case anyone was worried about me and assure you there is no need to be :) 

There isn't really one reason for why I've been on hiatus, but I guess a collection of things. 

I was really poorly with covid but thankfully I'm feeling a lot better now! But being so sick and stuck in I guess made me reevaluate certain things. 

Since recovering I got to see a lot of people I really adore with my whole heart, as well as being lucky enough to experience so many things I love with them.

And it made me realise what truly makes me happy in life. I suppose it really put things into perspective for me. I'm thinking more and more that tumblr (and being online generally) is something which unfortunately does not spark joy any longer. 

To be honest, (as I'm sure many people who were given far too much unsupervised access to the internet at a young age also do), I have a complicated relationship with social media. It doesn't make me feel good most of the time. I don't know how to handle some of the things I read and some of the things people have said to me. And just like I do irl, if the vibes feel off, I usually retreat into my shell to regroup. 

While I have made so many friends over the years of being chronically online and spoken to plenty of great people, I can feel myself getting drained again. And I really haven't missed it during the time I've been away.

I've filled my time with a lot of reading (I read Pride and Prejudice THREE times... doing amazingly), some writing and lots of long walks in nature. It's been really good for me!

As a result, right now, I just don't feel like continuing to post on this blog.

This decision wasn't caused by anyone or anything in particular. But when I've made my mind up about something, it's pretty impossible to change it. I've been mulling it over for a few days and my heart is telling me to go.

Anyway, I'm going to continue working on my WIPs and most likely continue posting them to AO3. It's by far the least social media-ish platform out there, and I really like posting on it. 

I need to take a step back to remember why I started writing, which was really as a way to get emotions out and to scream into the void a little. I don't enjoy sharing my work on tumblr, I kind of felt like I had to rather than genuinely wanting to. 

Truthfully, I just want to create and consume others' work in peace. I don't want to feel like I need to market my writing or whatever or compare myself to others. As much as I try not to, I think it's only human nature. 

So, I guess I'm really making this post to say I'll be going on a hiatus from tumblr. But I don't intend to stop writing or posting to AO3 and I hope to see you over there! 

I have no idea how long I'll be away for. Who knows... when winter comes around and my seasonal depression returns, or perhaps there is a major Mando update, maybe I'll return! 

For now, all there's left to say is how much of a pleasure it was posting about Mando and talking with you lot all these months. 

If anyone (mutual or otherwise) would like to keep in touch, feel free to message me for my discord! I'd be happy to continue chatting to you on there.

For me, in the headspace I'm currently in, one on one conversation is far less intimidating than being perceived by lots of people lol. 

I'll likely drop in at some point soon-ish and check for any of those messages, but until then, it's not a goodbye, but a see you later! 

Please care of yourselves and be kind to others :) 

Love,

Spud 🐸🩷

[miqojak]

B A S I C S

(Much of this - and more - can be found on her carrd!)

Name: J'kesri Denma - Goes by Jak, her tribal name is known to maybe a total of 3 people? And only one of them is allowed use of it in private.

Nicknames: 'The Dragon', Jackal (the name she went by as a thief on the streets of Ul'dah), Ember (former), Empress Ember (former), Little Robin

Age: 27ish, give or take a year - she's not sure exactly. I've been aging her...once each real life year since 2019 (when I said she was 22ish, give or take some), but she's always just had a sort of estimate on her age.

Nameday: She has no idea!

( I do like to think that she's a Scorpio in our real world Western Zodiac - which I don't know how to translate to Eorzean dates - and a Dragon, like me, in the Eastern zodiac.)

Race: Miqo'te, Seeker of the Sun

Gender: Female

Orientation: I'd say she's over all Graysexual, maybe some degree of Demi or Sapiosexual? The perfect storm has to happen for her to want any sort of intimate relationship... even friendship is hard to manage (she very genuinely seeks out intelligent/clever people to have around her), but a true relationship that's 'romantic' or sexual? Well, the perfect combination of events accidentally happened once. But gender has never really entered into it? She just so happens to have attracted and ended up with men in RP! She was/is poly as well, but has agreed to be monosexual with her current partner!

Profession: Restaurant Manager/Owner, Jazz Club Owner/Manager, Tattoo Artist (by appointment, not widely known)

Not publicly known: Criminal (it's a broad umbrella, but her activities outside of the Yakuza are often no less devious than within), Yakuza leadership (Wakagashira/second in command, current acting head of the family while the Oyabun is on indefinite hiatus), Cat burglar! She's very Selena Kyle - her goal is to do more burglary around Ul'dah to screw over the wealthy elite...and maybe actually do some good for people like her, barely scraping by in the gutters, forgotten by society.

P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T S

Hair: Black/Orange - most often slicked back and partially braided, partially tied into a tight ponytail. When relaxed/at home she may opt not to do all the work to tame her hair to look more 'coiffed' as she does in public, and it is about shoulder length, and quite curly!

Eyes: Gold/Green

Skin: Olive/light brown, gold undertones

Tattoos/scars:

-Scars: One small slash at each cheek, one across the bridge of her nose. Levin/lightning scarring in bursts at both shoulders and biceps. A long, ragged scar spanning the length of her back, from the inside of the left side of her neck, to the top of her right buttock.

-Tattoos: Black dragon that winds up the right half of her body. Jackal on her left forearm. 3 Phoenix down feathers on her right wrist. A watercolor robin tattooed just under her left breast, along her ribs.

F A M I L Y

Parents: Deceased, slain by Garlemald in Gyr Abania

Siblings: The only one left alive is her twin brother, J'vynia/Vynnie, @miqo-vynnie, who no longer plays...and she kinda wrote Vynnie out of her life after some things she saw as huge betrayals. She talks shit, but she's been off-kilter ever since he left her life! They had a very Yin/Yang dynamic... where Jak was actually more of the Yang/masculine side of things that's very active... and now missing that more passive and down to earth aspect of Yin? She's been really out of control for a long time. Luckily, the lover she never expected to have has done a good job of grounding her.

Grandparents: Unknown.

In-laws and Other: None.

Pets: She doesn't do pets. As much as I like animals... Jak grew up tribal and sees animals as food, and find the concept of a beast in her home dirty and a waste of resources and time. (And one more thing she could get attached to and lose!) Fun fact: She doesn't like any sort of large bird, and they're one of the few things that actively frighten her! This includes things like Griffons, and Chocobos... those big, yellow birds have murder in their eyes... better to eat them, before they eat you.

S K I L L S

Abilities: Keen eyesight and incredibly sensitive hearing; can play piano by ear; martial arts; prefers (non-lethal) poisoned throwing knives/staying at range; when equipped with her DRK soul crystal, her skillset vastly expands - altering her fighting style entirely, and emboldening her with the knowledge that she can now both inflict - and sustain - more damage in close combat.

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Diligent/honest - often too honest. She takes even her positive qualities to extremes, and works out too hard, spends too much time trying to excel as a Wakagashira in the Yakuza who is a woman... and she sets extremely high goals for herself and others...which leads into her negative traits.

Most Negative Trait: Judgemental/applies high standards to others. She has a twisted set of standards that makes sense to her, and likely not to many others, most of these rooted in years of trauma - but her high goals were intended to be a good thing. Even for others...she simply pushes both herself, and others (especially if she LIKES you) too hard, more often than not. She believes in constantly bettering oneself, and... she's a creature of extremes. It's hard for her to know when it's too much/she's asking too much...of anyone, to include herself.

L I K E S

Colors: Gold/white, red/black

O T H E R D E T A I L S

Smokes: Moko only, these days, to relax now and then.

Drugs: Former somnus addict - she's worked hard to beat this addiction...and continues to, because addiction is a lifelong curse even once you're clean! But she doesn't like anyone or anything having control over her - and an addiction controls your life more than any other person could! (Plus it's a way that other people COULD control you, in her mind. All the more reason to have dropped the habit.)

Alcohol: She used to be a bit of an alcoholic, on top of a drug addict - she's had a lot of impetus and encouragement to get her shit together...and has! She drinks recreationally/to relax, but takes it easier these days... you're easier to take advantage of, and more likely to say or do things you shouldn't, when drunk...and she likes to be in control!

Been Arrested: Not yet! She's run from the Blades in Ul'dah more than once...but it's not a crime if you don't get caught, right??

Tagged by: @chadhunkler ! Sorry it took me a bit to find the spoons, but thank you for thinking of me! I do love to do little things like this...and should do this for my Male Miqo and my kitsune to better flesh them out, honestly...

Tagging - some people in my notifs, and anyone who hasn't done it/wants to! @uldahstreetrat, @lightyouarelikes (for whoever you want to do it for), @wpip-raham, @xmimiteh, @twelvesblades (if you want to do it!), @briar-ffxiv , @shieldandarrow , @captainqster

(I'm trying to fight the uphill battle against my depressive apathy/malaise... I know deep down I want to be active and meet people and RP and take part in things!! So thanks for tagging me and interacting, folks!)

[yandere-sins]

I'm so so sorry! Forgive me! I didn't mean for my ask to come off that way. I've been reading fics for a long time and engagement has been "I'll update when I want to stfu!" Or "Yeah I heard your idea but I don't want it." Or "It's my story I'll do what I want."

From my understanding and experience giving writers ideas has been kind of taboo and unappreciated from the writers.

And waiting silently hasn't done me any good. I've had stories I was dedicated reading go on hiatus for years. The last one I read getting updated after 2 years and it was clearly a rushed project with no effort put into it. And now it's on another hiatus again going on 1 year. When multiple people asked about it the creator has a "At least I updated at all!" kind of attitude. It was incredibly heart breaking for both sides.

And it seems to be incredibly more common nowadays. I didn't mean to be rude and I do like your other stories. It just stings having other projects worked on while a favorite collects dust and anything you do gets met with aggression or ignored.

Please keep up the good work. I genuinely appreciate you!

I'm sorry but your last ask really came off that way and I had a bad day. Thank you for apologizing and I'm sorry you had these experiences, no more hard feelings here.

I hope you don't feel like you need to generalize all writers because I have never been told these awful things before, so I can wholeheartedly say it's not everyone. Those you encountered treated you badly, but that doesn't mean everyone will. In fact, maybe it wasn't a problem they had with you, but just a problem they had that day or with themselves and you were a scapegoat in that moment. It's not right and they should have just deleted your ask and moved on from it and not been rude to you, but it might explain things. I'm sorry for the experience you had with these people, and I hope they reflect and better themselves every day. You should still watch how you talk to others though, because seeing how demanding you worded your other ask, maybe you've been misinterpreted a few times.

The best and safest way is always to wait and see if a writer asks for inspiration or help and then respond, but it's not everyone's cup of tea to ask for outside help, and we have to respect that too. Don't push you opinion on others (like, write hundreds of words about how things should continue and then this should happen and maybe the characters could do this, etc.) because if you go against someone's believes you will only end up wasting your time and energy talking against a wall. I'd even say if anyone treats you rudely, you should step away and leave them for good. But personally, I've never been mad at anyone for writing me an ask with e.g. "I keep thinking about x and x happening and I am so curious how it will continue!" or something like "Have you thought about x doing x? I wonder if they'd be happy this way!"

I always like hearing others ideas, but you also shouldn't be upset if I don't do anything with it. Especially with multiple chapter stories, there's usually some kind of plotline I'm following and as such I might need to change the whole plot for the story if I take inspiration. Sometimes it can be incorporated, sometimes not. Sometimes it's worth in my opinion to change everything, sometimes it's too much work.

Btw, as far as I heard, you should never suggest things to authors who have published books and series. It can get really messy. But you are always free to tell them how excited you are and how much you enjoyed their stories!!

However, I do disagree with you on the last point. Your dedication to a story might be admirable but doesn't sound healthy for neither you nor the authors. For you because you use an unreliable source to dedicate your well-being too, and for the author because everyone is allowed to create and stop creating as they like. Forcing them will only end in heartbreak as you have experienced. No one gets to decide for someone else, so if you want to keep dedicating yourself to stories that are still in the works or have long been abandoned, so be it, but then you shouldn't be surprised if a writer snaps at you for demanding more and more. Every decision you make has the potential to be a concious one, so think before you act.

Everyone hates it if a good story is left to rot, but the only thing you can do is be thankful for the author writing it and wishing them well no matter what they are doing. Try reading stories that are finished and save those that aren't for later when they are done or definitely on hiatus so you can prepare yourself for not getting an end. You are free to choose the internet experience you want to see, but you can't force your experience on others.

And here is my controversial take of the month... no idea that exist is really original. Even if you read about a princess becoming the dragon, it has been done before. So in the worst case that an unfinished story really eats away at you, use the idea that you can see the story originate from and create the tale you want on your own from scratch—even the ending. You might not be able to finish the story of someone else, but you can still think about yours.

I wish you well, anon. Take care.

[hetalia-club]

Finally i don't feel alone in thinking the fandom is toxic, because I had to deal with a horrible amount of ableism (for literal disabilities I have and apparently someone thought I was incontinent and basically compared incontinent people to diaperfuckers) and even still I have to hide behind anon due to the fact the fandom also has a problem with stalking too, since i have been stalked by people who made private accounts around me and screenshotting everything I said to the point I had to actually talk to someone from the Trevor Project because I genuinely did not feel safe

apologies for the rambling, this fandom isn't normal about disabled people

Honey I'm so sorry :(. Yes people are mean and something about this fandom normalizes it. Idk what it is exactly. People say it's 'always been this way' and while that's true it HAS gotten WORSE. mainly because the fandom is smaller and the assholes just sort of all form a cult together and thrive off each others negativity. They say the people with the worse opinions are the loudest and that couldn't be more true within this fandom.

Also the ability to go fully anonymous on this sight is both a blessing and a plague. I do feel that there SHOULD be a way to find out who the anon was. I myself have been consistently harassed by a Spain kin for almost 5 years. It used to really get to me and it doesn't anymore. I truly just no longer give a shit. I went on Hiatus for 2 years and they CAME BACK! Like they were waiting in the shadows and like a bond vilian just turned in their chair and were like "well well well...". It's just kind of funny if you think about it I live rent free in their dome and they don't even know me. An I can't block them because they are always on anon. So I just delete it and carry on with my life. Last year my therapist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder and it answered a lot of questions I've always had about myself. Which means I am an extremely shy person chronically so. I take things to heart even if I shouldn't. I feel things very deeply for myself and for other people and animals. My therapist taught me some tools to try and help me deal and I got an increase in my meds. One of those was to not watch the news or actively sought out negative events because those destroy me. I just can't take it. It's a huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't I don't like the idea that I make it about me' in some way. It doesn't really do much but it numbs me a bit and makes me care less. It still affects me sure but I feel too unbothered to care. My AI covers have been a HUGE stress relief for me and a good distraction from my feelings. But again it's just a distraction. They are little boosts of serotonin to make and it makes me happy and it makes me even happier when someone enjoys it.

The reason I tell you this is to help you understand that no one really gives a shit. That sounds harsh but please let me elaborate on that. I mean I have straight told people "I am legit too shy to function and I do not like to talk about certain things because it gives me major embarrassment that can last actual days. Can we find a new topic or maybe pivot." but they don't actually listen to me about it. And I understand that it's hard to remember everyone's little quirks but to constantly have to remind people and for them to just "Oh yeah sorry... anyway like I was saying" really stings. Because of my disorder you can imagine I have an extremely hard time speaking my mind and standing up for myself. I want everyone to like me I don't want anyone to dislike me to a fault. I will ignore my own feelings and emotions to let others speak about what makes them happy even if sometimes it does sting. So I actually very much do know exactly where you are coming from with that. Just please remember that these are strangers online. Yes they can say hurtful things but the second you close teh app they disappear. They don't actually matter. And YES I am fully aware that this is easier said than done please believe me on that.

This fandom does have a serious issue with ignoring and disrespecting others disabilities. Especially some that are not really heard about/normalized much like yours or mine. I 100% know everyone thinks I'm lying about my personality disorder being a real thing If they don't want to understand me I can't make them, which sucks but I have no control over that. I wish it were not that way but we can't change other people and the way they think/ act but we can work on ourselves and how we process harassment. I wish you luck anon, you're never alone on this bitch of an earth, love you <3

[st-dorothy-minority]

Fic Writing & Fandom Nostalgia

To any/all that checked out my HH fic "You Didn't Know," I want to sincerely thank you. I loved writing every bit of it and sharing it. Reading the comments brought me so much joy. Seriously, I got so giddy seeing a new email come through with a comment!

If you read the latest chapter shortly after I posted it, you may have missed the note I added saying it was going into an indefinite hiatus. I'm calling it quits on writing. (Maybe for now, maybe forever)

I go through periods where I want to "burn it all down" because I get caught up in the comparison game. My writing isn't as good or creative as other authors. I never get as much attention or comments as other authors, and I have nowhere near the popularity level of artists. I think of all the ways my writing sucks and "why didn't I come up with *that* idea? They're so good (author or artist), why do I even bother putting out my stuff? No one would notice if I just disappeared and stopped posting."

I've been working on my tumultuous relationship with fic and fandom in therapy (yes, it's embarrassing to have to explain what fandom/fic is to your therapist 😅), and what I've found at the core is the longing for connection. I keep thinking it will happen, that I'll connect with a reader (or readers), or that I'll get more comments in order to make said connections happen (and receive the validation I am unfortunately conditioned to need), and when it doesn't happen, there's significant disappointment and feelings of worthlessness.

I haven't seen people talk about this, but the way people engage in fandom is so different than it was when I first started 2 decades ago. Back then, there were limited sites people would post to (livejournal, fanfiction.net, and DeviantArt being the main 3 imo), so there was more opportunity to really get to know others. You had your own little communities and friendships formed beyond the centralized community and it spilled over into people's personal LJ's and even the exchange of phone numbers. People left comments regularly on art and fic alike.

Now, there are so many sites to post on, so many more people in fandom (especially with it being more "acceptable" nowadays), and it's much easier to just leave a like/kudos and move on to the next thing rather than staying and engaging. Of course, there are some people who make a name for themselves in a particular fandom and have their regulars who engage, but for the most part - people just don't put in the same kind of effort to engage with the work/creator as they did when I was just starting out. And reading a fic? That takes a lot of effort!! So I can see why fanarts gets way more likes and reblogs than a fic because there's more time that has to be invested to read rather than just look and like.

I miss when I had fandom friends and how we all kind of knew each other. I miss genuine connection. I miss sharing my interests with someone who loves it like I do and will geek out with me.

If any of this resonated, I'm glad I'm not alone 😅💜 just something that has really been on my mind and needed to get it out.

[goldenpinof]

Gonna tinhat in your asks just because

I feel like it really WAS supposed to be a hiatus. They stepped away from the gaming channel and joint content bc Dan had a lot of projects he wanted to work on (the more serious content like big, the YouTube show, maybe even the solo tour) just to stretch his creative limbs and bc they needed to sort out the house/move, and uploading through all of that would be stressful. They were probably thinking 2-3 years tops. And then the world blew up and half of Dan's plans blew up with it

I feel like this return is GENUINE, like they've wanted to do it and just haven't been able to yet because Dan wasn't done with his stuff

i see that you have good points. it was very convenient to not have a gaming channel when they ended up living in a filming apartment with 0 space. but Dan constantly saying (through Phil sometimes) that he doesn't want to make that type of content anymore and doesn't want the gaming channel to return... it was very telling. only Phil was saying "maybe" because he was the only one actually wanting and needing it. that "maybe" was saved in case everything else went down. like a safety blanket that they always could pull out. which they did.

i understand Dan wanting a hiatus of sorts. he was burnt out. 2018 was a crazy year! it's just.. the vibes we started getting right after were very final. "Dan doesn't want it" was a final statement. and maybe he didn't want it because of other projects. he basically killed DanandPhil brand at some point, it was very apparent that he wanted to get out of that label. that he wanted a name outside a very successful duo they built throughout almost a decade. and it was fucking hard for him, you know. i understand that. the 1st project was ruined by youtube and covid. the company that he gave 10 years of his life let him down. it's a rough fucking start for a name building.

i'm simplifying a lot here, bear with me :))

i think the wad tour opened Dan's eyes a little bit. and i will take it as a win in the end of the day. it was starting very well and promising. the concept and 1st promo materials were well done. but then everything started wobbling and neither Dan nor his team was ready to deal with problems fast enough. and in contrary to how fuckups didn't really make a difference during ii NOW they made a difference. Dan couldn't make a name between 2019 and 2022, so he started going back and forth with his content. sometimes it wasn't clear who was the main target for videos, announcements and promos. i still don't know who initially was the target audience for his book. it can't be us! we know everything he wrote there. but marketing was so non-existent, it's scary how it could flop if he didn't have an audience based on DanandPhil™. his tour had somewhat of an audience also only because of the branding he was so determined to escape. although, there was a moment when he tried to advertise it for a wider audience, wasn't it? especially in the UK, where they had actual posters in the cities outside the venues. i remember having questions about why marketing shifted throughout the tour (while the script stayed the same! loser). i can't say that dystopia daily even had a target audience in mind rfbhfjekeeo

what i'm trying to say is, something changed in Dan's mind. there was a series of events that made him realise that coming back to dnpgames wasn't actually a bad idea. the European leg of his tour was the biggest mess i've ever seen. the fact that Dan explicitly threw shade on people he worked with only confirmed how bad things were. the search for a new management team, constant postponing of wad dvd, Phil's recycling content, and god knows what else – maybe it made him realise that a familiar content on a channel that everyone loves so much and will give views (and money) is what's best right now. new projects are always a risk. dnpgames isn't. and he still can work on something alongside. especially if he finally has new managers who will fight for his interests and property communicate with people they happened to work with. (allegedly. we don't know if he actually got new representatives).

if he actually had a 2-3 years plan (even 5 years plan, idc), the communicative language should have been different. but the only vibe i was getting from him right till yesterday was "i don't what to do what y'all are suggesting. period." and then he is talking about hope on twitter?! bro, as if it wasn't in your hands all this time 😭 i love him and i wish him all the best, and i'm rooting for his career more than for my own. but damn, does he not make it easy 😂

P.S. if turns out i'm wrong, forget i ever said anything. Thanos your memory out <3

[missielynne]

CBS Ghosts Review- The Silent Partner

Isaac and Sam's relationship is an underrated one to me, so I love episodes that have the opportunity to show it off. Granted this episode was definitely nowhere near as exciting or full of oomph as Halloween 3, but what is?

It highlighted once again the fact that Jay and Sam need to do more work communicating as a couple and maybe discussing limits about things or showing more appreciation cause like, Sam really gave Jay a telling off for not paying attention to her book because all he cares about is his restaurant, but frankly, I feel the man has the right to focus on stuff that's meaningful to him, especially after he did stuff like dig up Flower's death spot to get something for the seance to bring her back. That gets him a lot, to me, and I feel like sometimes Sam can be a little forgetful that even though Jay loves her and the ghosts, he needs time to do stuff that's just for him and that's not a crime.

Now that doesn't excuse him treating Isaac as if he's just some annoying imaginary friend and I was glad that he came up with the table and the speech to show that he actually did read the book about Isaac to show that he did believe in the man's value as part of his family, even if he's a ghost Jay can't see. (And totally agree with everyone that it would have been nice to see Nigel there at the unveiling and if we don't get at least one shot of Nigel and Isaac having a date for two at the ghost table, I will be sad.)

The part with Sas and Hetty and the candy was another case of "good idea, poor execution." They took it far enough and used some really weird wording for it (like when they were all "She can hold onto the candy and her fingers will be in our mouths") that it just made me wince and squirm and not blame Carol for wanting to go on a walk to get away from them one bit.

Last but definitely not least, I'm sure I was not the only one who was cheering when Pete revealed to Carol that he knew about her affair with Jerry and told her she sucked. It was well earned and I think she's lucky that he's too nice a guy to give her worse. (Although I do give her credit, even if it's a way to excuse her own cheating or whatever, for immediately asking if Pete is with someone. For all her issues with Pete, she's not a hypocrite who just expected her husband to be super loyal to her while she cheated on him because she felt entitled to that. She seemed genuinely surprised that he chose to stay loyal. Granted he didn't KNOW she cheated until later, but...still.) And although it's a low bar, also congrats to Carol for being one of the few ghosts or people to be at least decent to Nancy on sight compared, say, to Hetty, who still calls her "it."

I wish it would have just been Nancy and Pete doing the fake girlfriend thing. Cause like, with them, we know it's fake. She's there to make him look good and then she steps away. Whereas with Alberta, you just know that this relationship is something that they could make into a real thing, even after throwing it away, and since I don't feel like Richie and Danielle have that kind of chemistry it's just like...ugh, okay. Although, there could be another love interest coming for Alberta soon so maybe they aren't being made into a couple. That's my hope.

All in all, yay for Pete. That is the high point of this mostly functional episode, although, as usual, I do enjoy Isaac and Sam. Now we're on a short hiatus until early April where we could get a bachelor party and the return of Nigel! Can't wait!

[earlgreytea68]

I know this is sort of a random question but your answer about pete and patrick during the hiatus made me think of it and I'd like to know your thoughts. do you think that the hiatus would have lasted longer if soul punk had been more commercially successful?

This is such a good question, but I still think: no. I don't think, no matter what happens with Soul Punk, the hiatus lasts that much longer than it did. Because. I think Patrick likes having his band. I don't actually think Patrick wants to be a solo artist. Patrick talks enough during this tour about being shy on stage and how terrifying he finds it when Pete slips away and leaves him alone on it. Even if Soul Punk was the world's biggest success, I just think Patrick Stump would do exactly what he did this time around, with his successful scoring career booming, and wrangle words out of Pete Wentz.

Aside from wanting to be in a band, I also think Patrick just really does genuinely like working with Pete. It's really hard to find someone you work with creatively the way that they do. Pete has talked about it a lot, and I would be surprised if Patrick doesn't feel the same. I mean, Patrick has said Pete gives him artistic purpose. I think he can obviously write songs on his own but he loves to write them with Pete.

Sometimes I get comments from people about how excited they are to open chapters of my fics when they get a notification, and I always love those comments, obviously, thank you for them. I feel the exact same way about the authors I love. And when Patrick says that thing about how getting words from Pete is like Christmas morning, I think to myself, "Pete is Patrick's favorite writer, and he gets a sneak preview on all the chapters of his WIP." Like, to me that's the level of excitement. It's like Patrick is Pete's beta! lol

So I think Patrick would always having gotten his band back together, maybe slightly later than happened in our timeline but I just don't see him indefinitely spinning out a solo career. Obviously he wouldn't have written that blog post that got Pete's attention, but maybe it would have been a different blog post about how much he hates being famous alone lol.

(Also, the blog post mythology, speaking of hiatus mythology, has also contributed to the idea that they didn't communicate much, that Pete makes it sound like he read a public blog post and realized his friend was in a bad place and reached out, rather than knowing from the friend himself. But I do think possibly Patrick didn't actually realize exactly what a bad place he was in and that the blog post reads worse to us than it did in his head, if that makes sense. Like Pete knew right away Patrick needed him, but I'm not entirely sure Patrick did, I don't think he wrote that hoping Pete would see it and reach out.)

[sophieinwonderland]

i think you're losing some scope here. i know the tumblr tags represent more to you, but you clearly have drastically shifted your aims

you don't uplift endogenic systems anymore, not really. you seem more anti-anti-endo than pro-endo these days, and as someone who followed you early on, i have to say i understand but it makes me sad and uncomfortable enough to finally have to say i don't really fully support what's going on here

i know you have been relentlessly abused and slandered for 3 years by a community of people that shifts and grows and changes endlessly, like a ship of theseus of mean teenagers. i know you can and have changed minds. but you no longer seem to care about even that; you really genuinely seem to be lashing out, saying things that are deeply unnerving to endos and anti-endos alike, those with religious trauma AND many with the common sense to know that yes, proselytizing IS often harmful. There is a reason missionaries are tools of colonialism. im almost certain you know this and are just being inflammatory, but the friendly fire is IMMENSE. You look foolish and dangerous to many of us, and again that makes me sad and honestly a little worried for you

i think maybe finding another plural community to post activism in is a good idea, or at the very least a tumblr hiatus. it's ultimately up to you, and you are the arbiter of your own mental health, but please at least consider the things I've said here. i know im on anon but again i have had a lot of respect for you for a long time, especially for staying compassionate and composed given the context, but i couldn't fault you for any of this. i just hope you find something both more productive and more rewarding.

i could totally be misreading this and you are making these decisions for some solely rational reasons and you ARE more active elsewhere, but. i dont know. you dont seem to post positivity like headcanons anymore, just neverending anon hate and intentionally inflammatory (often triggering) pseudo-religious doctrine. that doesn't seem healthy for anyone, including your endogenic follower base

proselytizing IS often harmful. There is a reason missionaries are tools of colonialism. ... you dont seem to post positivity like headcanons anymore

I really do want to get back to the headcanon posts.

At least the big ones seem to take a lot of effort and I haven't really been feeling it for a while.

But I do find it ironic that you would say this when those very posts ARE my proselytism. To the extent that I proselytize my ideology to other communities, these are the posts that I consider most valuable to those aims of gaining outside support.

I don't openly proselytize in the way of "you should become plural and make a tulpa because plurality is cool and will help you feel better" the way Christians might because that feels scummy. Even if early studies are showing mental health gains from tulpamancy and I might be justified in doing so.

But I will make a huge post about how the Avatar is actually plural, trying to tone down my plural language and explain the terms I use in ways that non-plurals will be able to understand, with the intent of introducing them to plurality and get them on board with pro-endo ideology.

And if after learning about plurality, they decide on their own to make a tulpa due to resources I provide, or realize they were already plural because of similar experiences to myself or other systems I interact with then that's a huge win.

Those posts are the gateway, the same way missionaries might provide food or medicine or other types of support to local communities as a gateway, I provide detailed fan theories with lots of pictures to keep them entertained, and make sure to post them all over the tags of that fandom. Any fandom tags that are relevant, and then with plural tags to fill the rest out. In fact, I think of it a two-pronged approach, where plural tags help me get more notes from plurals and cause the post to appear higher up in the fandom tags to reach non-plurals.

You may think my focus has changed... and you'd be right about that. Lately, I've put a lot more focus on arguing. Maybe more than I should.

But as far as "proselytizing" is concerned, those posts you want me to to do more of have been my vehicle for it. Just less overtly.

And I don't think I've been particularly subtle about stating the intent behind them.

I'm stopping just short of some of the most manipulative tactics religions employ, but I'm self-aware enough to realize that I've always only been a few steps from them.

Frankly, if you want to spread an ideology, it would be silly to not look at the most successful ideologies, whether political, religious or even moral philosophies, and figure out why they were able to achieve the dominance they did.

[imaginespazzi]

hey babes! so first of all before I start to ramble off here,..how have you been, it's been awhile since I last asked! But yk I was just taking a shower when a sudden thought came to me... Now I must state I know the UCLA fic(which is literally SO amazing and well wrote) is not done and I don't believe it will be soon buttttt.. While I was washing my hair I thought of you (that actually sounds really weird- but yk what ignore that) anyways I thought of you and your wonderful writing and I thought of our most favorite pookie princess and dumb blondie and a maybe wonderful fic idea came to my head! But you see i'm a bad writer so why not turn to my favorite writer with my idea.. Okay i'll get the point now. So the time frame is like start of the 2022-23 season.. we all know about blondies acl tear and that was most likely a sad time for her which probably made it a sad time for my pookie and well bad time for people affect their personal life's such as relationships and such else. So I feel it would be a rough path in their relationship. But I feel as though a fic about them throughout that time would be such a good one. And it would obviously be depressing and what better angst writer do I follow than you! Now I don't even know if you'll see /read this but if you do this doesn't even need be a thought in your head right now. I can imagine that between the UCLA fic and your personal life that your busy and maybe distracted which is that last thing I want anyone to be. So If you do see/read this maybe give it a thought or totally don't but anyways. Stay safe, healthy and have a wonderful day/night babes and so sorry for that rant!

-xo babes! <3

Hi lovely <3

We love a good shower thought! And this is a pretty amazing idea babes. I love that we're all just here for the angst like it really binds us together. And I also really love that I've just become synonymous with writing angst. 😭

Did I just think of a potential plotline that could work? Yes. However, I'm ngl to you babes, the UCLA fic isn't gonna be done for a hot second and I probably need a hiatus after that so idk when I'd write this. But I promise, I'll keep it in my head (or remind me actually) and we'll see. Also there's no such thing as a bad writer and if you wanna write it, I think you'd be great at it and if you ever wanted it, I'd always be here to help.

I know I don't reply to everything but I do read all my asks. It's just sometimes, I don't wanna spam and then too much time passes by but I love all y'alls asks (short/long/in between) and I do genuinely try to answer as many as I can. <3

[chirpsythismorning]

The one thing I struggle with about the online ST fandom is how certain groups come down so hard on others. If people wanna theorise or speculate let them. If people just want to watch it as it's given to them without deep diving that is absolutely fine too! There is no wrong way to watch and enjoy a show and guess what? The talented writers have created in such a way that you can do either! You don't like what someone's posted, you don't need to go at them for it. Scroll on. It's gonna be a long hiatus! Let's just enjoy the ride

There will always be people like that, it is what it is. In fact, everyone will find themselves doing that at some point if they are indeed confident enough based on all the evidence they've compiled and choose to believe. Because we are all choosing to believe things bc of evidence and other factors out of our control.

Right now both bylers and milkvans are 100% certain about endgame. But they can't both be right can they?... It's just a matter of perspective and being able to think about it beyond wanting to stick to a conclusion and leave it at that.

We don't have to stoop down to other peoples' levels either. We don't have to discredit whole theories and ideas bc one person who subscribed to that same idea said something that we didn't like and some people agreed with them. They do not make up the majority.

Also, it’s possible to agree with people sometimes and not agree with them other times. That's the beauty of free thought and complex thinking.

Not only that but I also think a lot of the times, people aren't even disagreeing. It's like we're arguing about semantics because we reached different conclusions and so we're trying to break each others arguments as being flawed when really at the end of the day we agree about a lot of parts, there’s just very specific aspects we feel differently about. And more often than not, people aren’t going to be able to change their minds if they feel confident in those interpretations, until it’s all said and done at least.

But like you said, if you see something you don't like and you saying something won’t contribute to anything, then leave it be.

Or even just give it a few days, think on it. Maybe you can make a post about it of your own with the evidence to back it up. Often I find giving it some time makes me realize it’s not that deep and I can just continue to think what I think and not always resort to calling out without directly calling out basically.

Bc again it’s often that we’re not even really disagreeing about things, it’s just the wording of it doesn’t match up and we have to find a way to meet somewhere in the middle, if that’s even something either side wants to do. That won’t always be the case for everyone and that’s life. You can’t make people think something just bc you do, and vise versa.

I also suggest if you’re getting hate anons with people being hostile, block. Like always block.

When I get asks, if I have something to say and reasoning to why I feel how I feel, I will try to put it into words. But if it’s obvious the person is just trying to like genuinely troll or be disrespectful, it’s not worth my time. Sometimes people come off sort of snippy and condescending, but it’s not like in every case they’re intending to be outright offensive, they probably just want to show confidence. But still, you can choose to not engage with that if you don’t want to.

We are all responsible for our own experience on here. But also each others in the sense that you are posting stuff other people will see. They might react. If you don’t want people to react then always try to keep that in mind before making posts.

There is a possibility there will be assholes out there. But there will also be fellow fans genuinely just trying to have discourse with you and that can be a good thing, arguably the best thing! Disagreements don’t always have to be bad. Some of the best byler evidence has come from all sides of the spectrum. If we all agreed on everything we probably wouldn’t have gotten that far.

[waitingforminjae]

wait why do you think some of the members didn't like j*y p*rk? I remember there being rumours of 2pm bullying him and while that's very fun to think about alot of the rumours came from people who biased him and hated the other members so i dont rlly believe those rumours 😔I like your thoughts/meta on kpop idols so I just want to know why you think some of the other members didn't fuck with him

I've always thought he did something really stupid (not the MySpace thing) because even after the MySpace thing he hadn't left the group and jyp even went on a show to talk about how he went to america himself to make sure he was practicing his dancing and singing and also said that he was fundamentally a good person then a few months later he was kicked out because of a serious personal issue in his private life or smth.

Like i feel like insinuating that he was gonna come back then kicking him out obviously is going to cause more backlash and is just more work in general then kicking him out straight away soo🤔

The members were alll sad and left his space open during their mama performance, said things like let's walk together and that 2pm is one on some site then deleted because of the hate that they were getting and talked about him during their speech and everythingbut idk the idea that they secretly hated him makes me happy so I wanna know your thoughts

People also genuinely think he knocked up hyuna and while I don't think he did that I do think he either did something in those few months or confessed to something in those few months of "self reflection"

they did giggle when taec said smth like the hip hop guy who isn't with us anymore and junho did call him the dirt that's been filtered or smth like that so I feel like they don't like him atleast

Maybe it's like an exo situation where the dynamics were a bit off at the beginning and the traumatic experience of losing a member while you have deranged fans and are just getting popular made them all closer because watching old clips with him in them make me cringe and I just can't imagine him sitting doing a vlive with them or him just fitting into the group in any capacity

okay so i got four hours at a dead desk at work so let's get into this lol

(this got soooooo long so i'm putting it under a read more </3)

tbh i'm only joking when i mention 2pm hating him lol i actually don't rlly know anything abt their dynamic w him beyond the one (1) episode of wild bunny i saw with him </3 which i described here and here.

iirc the official story is that he took a hiatus from the group, and then after much discussion w jyp he left the group bc he was unhappy as a kpop artist? which i think is probably true i mean the dude was obviously miserable and as messy as he is nowadays i do think he's happy.

god the rumors abt 2pm bullying him are so funnyyyyy i need to hunt down the article where i read them and read it again lol but i do remember whenever me and my roommate watched that wild bunny episode (after binging soooooo many 2pm fan compilation videos) we were SO shocked by how different and terrible their vibes were aksjdsdkljfflgglhjkl

it really made me realize how much group dynamics are like tetris tbh. like removing that one person made the whole rest of the dynamic fall into place?

like obviously, there is no way to know what their ~real~ personalities were like at the time, because they had just debuted so they all had a persona that they were pushing + a character for that show. but he certainly came across as incredibly immature and irresponsible, and it was frankly rlly uncomfortable to watch......like idk but i think jun.k and nichkhun were genuinely pissed off at him for stealing nichkhun's wallet and ditching them at the karaoke room, going to a club with taec and chansung (who had JUST turned 20), and then not answering the phone. he rlly came across as an older friend who could get you into trouble, but can't get you out.

i also remember the others came across (especially taec) as being "followers", who would just go along with his shenanigans because it was funny or interesting. ofc they were all really young then, and like i said before, this show obvs had set "characters" for them to play, so who knows how accurate my opinion was! but i definitely left that episode feeling very grateful that he left the group, or else he would've gotten them into some real serious trouble.

i think one of the most important aspects of a group's dynamic is their ability to keep each other in check. i think it's important for members to be able to be honest and call each other on their bullshit if they're getting to cocky or arrogant or otherwise becoming an asshole. after all, a kpop group is a brand that you are building together - one person's integrity becomes synonymous with the group's integrity as a whole. that's why scandals are kinda serious business: groups are pushing an image of closeness, ranging from "besties" to "found family". if one member is exposed to be an asshole (or just downright evil, i.e. burning sun) it immediately casts doubt on the other members character and integrity.

i also think that the leader of a group is really influential on the vibe of the group as a whole, and we've seen what a mess jay park is. i think if he had stayed with the group, they would've had a lot more scandals, and had a very negative image as a scandal-ridden group. to be clear, 2pm members HAVE had scandals (incl pretty serious one's, like a couple DUIs), but they've managed to shake them off to have a pretty clean image.

2pm's dynamic as 6 just.....works? like they're fun to watch and it seems like they all genuinely like each other and like working together. i've never really gotten an ~off~ vibe from them, or that they secretly hate each other. especially after seeing them w jay. it just felt wrong and off and uncomfortable. also yeah, i think the whole ordeal of losing a member would naturally create a trauma bond amongst everyone else lol

ik that fans voted jay park the leader bc he got first on their pre-debut show but i have always felt like jun.k should've been the leader the whole time....like again it's hard to know bc wild bunny was obviously very contrived, but he certainly came across as much more responsible and level-headed than jay. i think him and nichkhun are a very solid "hyung/leader" line tbh like ik they've each had a DUI but in general they come across (to me) as very stable guys who take their job and their image very seriously, which is important.

and tbh i'm always a little skeptical when groups w/ a member who's on a scandal hiatus say stuff like "let's walk together" or "2pm is one" or do things like leave their space empty.....like i mentioned before kpop groups are pushing an image of "best friends" or a "family" and when the person hasn't left the group, the idols are still having to deal with and interact with that member's fans. when things are unclear or it seems like hiatus is only temporary, it would be soooo bad for their image to be like "fuck that guy", you know? fans would lose their SHIT and it'd only embroil the group in more drama tbh......but i do agree that if the company's going to cut ties, it's better to do it immediately rather than get fans hopes up.

that got soooooo long sorry </3 but tl:dr idk if they hate him or not but i do think they look at him now and think "man, we really dodged a bullet" lol

[hijadelmar]

cutting off social media

first of all, i wanna apologize for this hiatus. i opened the blog and a couple posts later i stopped publishing, i am really bad when it comes to the discipline for writing in a blog, diary or such. but i wanna slowly come back here and i have a couple of ideas already.

second, hope everyone who reads this had a good christmas and new year. let's focus on becoming our best versions for this 2023 and keep improving for the upcoming years! :) i have some new year's resolutions myself, and one of them (and today's topic) is cutting off progressively my relationship with social media.

i am not a social person at all, i barely post and i still find myself spending more time than i'd like in sites like instagram. and, honestly, do i need it? short answer: no.

yesterday i deleted my account and the app itself. i didn't tell anyone because i'm doing it for myself. and i already feel much better with this simple decision! i still spend a lot of time in other sites like twitter or tiktok, but atleast i find myself enjoying more using them. when it comes to instagram i just felt i wasn't enjoying it and it wasn't something "i liked to do", but more something like i was mechanically used to. when i am bored with my phone, just automatically open the app to check a couple of stories and posts and close it, then repeat. and honestly i was really burned out.

after all, i don't really enjoy or have the need to post myself. as i said i am not social at all so i don't hang out often with friends, and when i do i'm not the kind of person who shares it on insta's stories or posts.

i seriously recommend doing the same thing for everyone. a lot of people finds themselves low on self esteem because we spend a lot of time on our days checking instagram, seeing lots of people using filters or editing their face or body features for every post. i totally think this step is a good start to cut from those toxic habits.

in my own case it wasn't about feeling personally triggered or affected by that, but more about finding myself in a "space" i didn't felt like i wanted to be in. a lot of people following me when from those followers i maybe talk to the 2% of them. and following myself a lot of people i don't even care about. i wanted to stop seeing the life or stuff of people i don't relate or care about at all. and again, i'm really glad i made this decision. i gotta say i also find myself mechanically tapping on the area of my screen where i had instagram's icon.

i don't wanna stop here, i want to keep reducing my social media consumption until i am at a point where i only use them an essential amount of time. but this is a good start for myself, and i really encourage everyone to try something like this. i also don't think everyone has to be as radical as i was, but try small things like unfollowing people or "influencers" you don't care or relate to at all. i already know if i ever come back to instagram it'll be to strictly follow people im genuinely interested about and i feel theythey bring something positive to my feed, like artists, designers, content creators or only close friends i really talk to.

thanks for reading me and i'll try to see you all sooner than last time :)