#<- insane expectation and also why he might be So Burdened by it all

[normalbrothers]

how did he pull this off when The Family was doing criminal and illegal stuff since before he was born 🤔

[conkers-thecosy]

Been a while since I last made a fic rec list, and I recently went through all the newer bagginshield works on AO3, so I wanted to share some of my favourites! These are all amazing, please go give them a read if you haven't already! 💛 These are all completed, but if anyone is interested I might also do a list of incomplete works in progress that I'm feral about as well!

~

"Green-Handed" by lotusOkid Post-BotFA, while Thorin, Fili, and Kili are slowly recovering from their wounds, Bilbo finds himself subject to a condition that hobbits might experience at a few very particular times in their lives, under very particular circumstances, none of which apply to him. Very confused (and somewhat embarrassed) he decides to keep it a secret during this delicate time in the mountain. This goes about as well as you might expect.

~

"The Burden of Choice" by @fantasyinallforms Thorin Oakenshield is the crown prince of one of the strongest kingdoms in Middle Earth, but in the last year, the kingdom has struggled to keep its place among the ruling powers of Middle Earth. Erebor was held under vicious siege by the dragon Smaug, who terrorised the land and wiped out the nearby human settlement of Dale. The hardship forces Erebor into a difficult position, creating no other choice but for King Thror to seek alliances with other kingdoms and races through the bonds of marriage. Will Thorin see this as his duty to his kingdom or take another path entirely?

~

"No Grave Can Hold My Body Down" by @chaoticangel666 Bilbo returns to The Shire after the Battle of the Five Armies. He might be going insane though, because why does the ghost of Thorin Oakenshield keep showing up when he least expects it? Follows the events from the end of The Hobbit until the end of The Lord of the Rings.

~

"Handsome Stranger" by kriegswaffel A handsome stranger arrives at Hobbiton, both reminding and distracting Bilbo Baggins from the upcoming negotiations between a Dwarven Envoy all the way from Erebor and the official-inoffical leadership of the Shire regarding trade. As he gets more wrapped up in matters, can he find something true and lasting with someone so different - and maybe entirely different from what he expected? Or will he get his heart broken again, at long last, having hoped where there was no hope, or even only betrayal?

~

"What's In A Name" by broken_pencils A short scene that takes place post-canon, in which Bilbo and Thorin discuss the uniquely hobbit custom of family surnames. ~ "And Watch Them Grown" by @sunnyrosewritesstuff Thorin survives his battle to find Bilbo laying unconscious in the snow. Unable to carry him down, Thorin leaves him with his ring on to get help. Only he doesn’t make it very far before collapsing. Waking in the healing tents, Thorin comes to realize no one made it back up to save Bilbo! ~ "The Kitchen Thief" by @mordellestories There are pests. At first, Thorin thought one of his assistants was stealing from him. And that may have been why he was a bit harsher on them than what was deemed necessary. But one by one, the workers were replaced only for the goods to keep vanishing into thin air. It was driving him to madness. And when Thorin wasn’t at peace, everyone knew it. So, it had to be pests, right? Pixies, brownies, rats, something was pilfering his hard work and it was happening more often as time went by. ~ "The things you see in the market." by GothicMama Krelven just wants to explore the market on his day off. But instead he gets thrown for multiple loops when he sees two extremely familiar faces.

[hisui-dreamer]

a world without you

Pairing: Leona Kingscholar x gn!reader

Synopsis: When Leona hears the Shroud brothers' plan, he thinks back to his herbivore, and how their existence has changed so much for him.

Tags: spoilers up to Ch 6!!!, established relationship, angst but fluff, drama, bot proofread

Word count: 878

Notes: this can be read as my view of leona's character, so please accept my leona brainrot <3 just some thoughts I had when I read ch 6. also leona might be a little ooc but it's his internal thoughts so I like to think he's more emotional :3

"It needs to reset before we can start a new game."

Shocked expressions were exchanged across the room as the implications of the younger Shroud's plan slowly settled on everyone's mind.

Leona couldn't help but think that, if the opportunity had been given to him a year ago, he'd likely have accepted whatever the robot kid was going for.

Leona always felt that he had been cheated in life. Ever since he was young, he was constantly compared to his older brother, who was seen as the epitome of success in their family, the perfect heir to the throne. Everyone would constantly praise his brother's achievements while dismissing his own accomplishments as trivial. It didn't matter that he was working hard to prove himself, that he could wield such powerful magic as a child.

He often wondered why he had to be born, if he was only meant to stay in another person's shadow to make them seem brighter in contrast.

No matter how hard he studied, how mature he acted, or how strong his magic was, it was all pointless. The ghostly whispers of the palace staff continued, and the judging remarks from the council intensified.

He was born as the second prince.

And he was destined to forever be just that—second.

When it finally clicked for him, he stopped trying. Why make an effort in anything, when time and time again, he had given his all only to end up with nothing? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results. Despite what others might say, Leona was incredibly brilliant, with a sharp mind fit to be a wise ruler. He knew, without a doubt, that it was pointless to continue down the road of insanity.

Instead, he continued down the path of sloth, eventually finding everything, the entire world, pointless. He found himself skipping classes and taking naps whenever he could, hiding away from the world where he would never be able to stand under the sun, but at least comforted by the serene embrace of his dreams.

He had wanted to turn the world to sand and start over.

It had been a wild thought, but here the Shrouds were, proposing an entire reset of the world.

Leona's mind raced as he contemplated the consequences of such an ordeal. Indeed, he had always dreamed of a world where everyone had an equal chance to succeed, where people were not judged based on their social status, birth order, or magical ability. A world where he was no longer burdened by the expectations of his family, where he was free to be who he truly was, a world where everyone was given a fair chance to succeed, and where no one was left behind.

And yet, without realising it, the thought of starting over in a new world had left his mind ever since you came into his life. You were everything he had ever wished for but never deserved in a partner—kind, caring, and endlessly supportive, always by his side despite his crude demeanour and harsh words. You showed him that there was meaning to living, opening his eyes to the people around him. He had friends who cared about him, incredible talent that could bring great changes, and most importantly, you, his dearest herbivore who shone like a beacon in the shadowed depths of his heart.

For the first time in his life, he felt truly content with what he had, despite all the flaws and problems that persisted.

He had never cared about resetting the world and losing everything he had to start anew. But it was a different story now.

What would happen to the people he cared about in this new world? What if he never met you? What if everything he had ever known and loved was erased? And what of the memories that he made at NRC with you, with Savanaclaw, and everyone else?

Leona's thoughts drifted to his memories of you, your fierce eyes staring directly into his, determined to befriend him; the quiet evenings you had spent together under the starry sky sharing stories and enjoying each other's company; the way you would instinctively lean into him for comfort; the dazzling smile that graced your face when you spotted him in a crowd.

He made up his mind then.

He didn't want, no, he wouldn't risk losing you. Your presence had given him the joy he had never experienced, the hope for a better day tomorrow, and he wouldn't give that up for anything. He would continue to work towards a fairer world, but he would do so without resetting everything that he had come to cherish.

He had learned to appreciate the people in his life. He had found happiness, despite the unfairness of the world. He knew that he had found something precious in this unfair world—someone who cherished him wholeheartedly for whatever he may be.

No, he doesn't want to reset the world.

"I'll grant you one thing. The world totally sucks as it is. But I don't think your new one would be any more to my taste. So I'm going to stick with this one. It's less of a pain."

[meraki-yao]

WIP Wednesday- 10 Apr 2024

Thank you @typicalopposite for the tag!

Was basically useless for the past 5 days due to being sick so I'm still insanely behind schedule for my fic (ahhhh) but here's a bit more from Chapter 1 of my @aroyallybigbangrwrb Tangled fic:

“You want to go outside? Well then, tell me, boy. Do you know why we stay up in this tower?” Her voice is ice-cold, sharp and unforgiving. Oh no. “Yes, I know, but-” “Exactly, to keep you safe and sound, dear. Need I remind you what were the circumstances that brought you to me? For me to take you in and experience the burdens of parenthood once again in my old age? Did you forget what happened to your parents and siblings?” “I-” “You are the most sought out person by all the ruffians, thugs, thieves and scoundrels. The world is a terrifying and dangerous place, you are the very proof of that, and the world will only be much more wicked and cruel towards you. I am the only one you can trust in the universe, but how do you expect me to take care of you out there while still protecting myself? Are you so determined to make this harder for me? How can I protect you, boy, unless you always stay in here?” “But Gran, I’m twenty-three, I can-” “So? You are still but a young boy. Your parents were far older when tragedy struck, and look what happened to them. And might I remind you that-” “But Gran!” Henry cuts off, a risky thing to do, but he’s truly growing desperate. “I can help! I can be different and stronger if you’d just let me try!” She glares daggers at him, and he instinctively shrinks into himself. “Sorry, Gran.”

Yes, excessive paraphrasing of the lyrics of "Mother knows best", this is an AU fic after all 😜But I also threw a line from another Disney song in, see if you can find it!

No pressure tagging @luainthewild @thinkof-england @lfg1986-2 @england-would-fall

banner by my lovely partner artist @havanaroses!

[wilhelmsbee]

Okay honestly? I'll just take you up on that offer because I'm obsessed with your edits in general, but if you ever feel like talking some more about that Wilhelm edit you did to the song Ribs by Lorde??? Would love that because that edit lives rent-free in my head! (no pressure though, I just like the idea of like... director's commentary or something for edits haha)

I HOPE EVERYONE IS READY FOR ME TO BE INSANELY DEEP ABOUT THIS EDIT OH MY GOD

preface: i talk ab why i chose each scene for the lyrics, then colouring/font, idk if this is the directors commentary you wanted but like this is how I think about all my edits

We're reeling through the midnight streets- initially, I actually wanted to start it on the this dream isn't feeling sweet line but it just didn't fit in instagrams 1-minute time frame ANYWAY This scene has always been the most painful to me. Wilhelm realises at this moment that he's truly, undeniably alone in his life. Everyone he trusts (or is supposed to trust) has left him, and he has nobody left to go to. He's alone, going through his own personal hell, finding out his only family cares more about public perception than him as a person. It's like the beginning of the worst spiral we see from Wilhelm. Its quite a literal scene-to-lyric moment, but also the we're part feels (to me) like him-as-well-as his public self. Crown Prince Wilhelm and Wille are such separate parts, and its all he has left.

And I've never felt more alone- The THERAPY SCENE! Specifically this is the I think it's better not knowing how it could feel scene, because that truly is the most heartbreaking viewpoint I've ever seen from a character. It was better not being in love because I couldn't miss it. He might be getting closer to the other boys in the secret society, as well as Felice, but he's not really breaking past the surface level with anyone. Not even Felice knows the depths of his pain, he keeps it all to himself. The loneliness crushes him, he wishes he didn't know how love felt. As far as he's concerned, he's never loving someone else again (true) and he's never going to be able to love Simon again (false). In this moment there's this feeling of emptiness. He has nothing he actually cares about, and he wishes that he never cared in the first place.

It feels so scary, getting old- He wasn't supposed to fill this role, giving a speech as the Crown Prince of Sweden about his brother's passing. Wilhelm's character (obviously) fundamentally switches after Erik's death. He used to be a lot sillier, more reckless and more willing to fight back against his parents. But now he's got every single eye on him, watching him. Put into an adult role at the age of sixteen, forced to carry the burden of spare his whole childhood, then suddenly forced to be the sole heir. Even if he had planned to maybe one day be the heir (which he didn't, judging by the he should be here instead of me comment) it wasn't supposed to happen until he was older and wiser. He stops acting like a kid because he can't be a kid anymore. The cuts between the frog/getting the frog/breaking the globe aimed to emphasise this. He's lost all connection to his brother, he's in a place he didn't expect to be until he was extremely old (if ever), and he's lost control of his own life.

We can talk it so good, we can make it so divine, we can talk it good how we wish it would be all the time- I wanted to frame Simon in this as a sort of healthy distraction for Wilhelm. He was the only person in his life who actually looked out for him and cared. They're happy and they're smiling, all the clips are intimate even if there's someone else there. It highlights how they care. It's good, it's divine. It's what kept him happy after the hardest thing in his life (so far). In this edit, he desperately wants it back because he knows how much it helped. It was the only bright thing he had. The cutting to Wilhelm alone in s2 after how we wish it would be all the time just aims to really enforce that he wished it was still like that, wishing for someone who truly cared and loved him. It's all yearning, pining, wishing things were better. Every single clip is a clip in which Wilhelm has been pining over Simon. There's an ache he expresses that was just so, so important to this edit.

This dream isn't feeling sweet- Lots of clips of Wilhelm trying to process things. He's been forced to change his entire life, after all being a prince is a privilege, not a punishment. The 'dream' of being royal crushes him, despite the fact he can't ever voice it. Walking down the halls of his castle, sitting in his private boarding school therapy session with an actual therapist, being driven home in a private car from the party where he was filmed fighting. These luxuries juxtaposed with his actual circumstances hurt. He can't complain because he's got it best in the country, but it isn't a system designed for him, it doesn't want to help him, it wants to make him conform. It isn't fair, but he can't say that.

We're reeling through the midnight streets- He's forcing himself to try and fit the mould while also being himself, and all it causes is pain. He's actively fighting against the institution he was raised in simply by existing. The panic attack from being perceived holding Simon's hand. Deleting his contact after his mother told him 'no more mistakes.' Trying to play nice at the dinner table even though his whole life was crumbling around him and the institution was failing everyone even though nobody believed him. The panic attack/anxiety vomit from Simon going public, against Wilhelm's institution, knowing that he might not be able to protect him. He's got no control in any of these scenes, its a desperate fight against himself. He's a publicity risk to his own family if he is true to himself, and he's a risk to himself if he isn't.

And I've never felt more alone- Desperately trying to comfort himself when nobody else can (or wants to) comfort him. After the fight at the party all his family cared about was the PR response. When August said that Simon would take the fall for the drugs, all he cared about was getting Alexander back. During the uniform tailoring, all Jan-Olof cared about was tradition and making Simon as background as he could. When Wilhelm gave up meditating to soothe his anxiety, he was upset at his inability to calm down, despite the fact he's never been given an opportunity to be calm. Nobody really knows about his mental health struggles, he just has to fight through them and desperately try to self-soothe. Nobody else will comfort him after all.

It feels so scary getting old- Each of these scenes show Wilhelm being viewed as his role instead of being viewed as a person. He clearly struggles with being viewed as just the Crown Prince of Sweden, especially since that was never supposed to be his role, so of course it hurts when he's viewed as just a pawn in the Royal Family. Especially from people he loves. Yes, it was undeniably hard when he first became the Crown Prince, and it absolutely would've crushed him to know that when he had a panic attack he couldn't be alone. But these scenes are interlaced with him being viewed as a political pawn by Simon and his mother. People he loves, people he trusts. He's just a public statement to his mother, and he's just a human representation of the Crown to Simon (in these scenes not in general ofc). He's never going to be able to be his own person again, because he's got a country to run when he grows up and a public image to form between now and then.

This dream isn't feeling sweet- The lyrics are now getting more compounding, it's louder and it's closer. He's fighting to be heard, he's being ripped off of his desk, he's forcing down a panic attack because he needs to be happy for Simon. His emotions aren't allowed, he can't feel anything negative so he won't feel anything at all. Nothing in his life feels good anymore, so he's fighting the losing battle to just try to break even. Nobody would dream of this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He can't even voice that, though.

We're reeling through the midnight streets- Now he's reminiscing about when things were easier, but they weren't, really. Yes, the placard was there the night he first kissed Simon, but that was also the beginning of the horrific realisation he wasn't built for the world he is forced to live in. His mother says 'no more mistakes' and he already knows it means he has to leave Simon. When that doesn't work and it all falls out, he's left to try and clean his own image up by nailing the closet shut with every fibre of his being. His life wasn't better, he's grasping for anything to show him life will be okay again. Everything has crumbled and now he's got nothing, so he yearns for when he had something, even if it was just something to lose.

And I've never felt more alone- He is constantly left. Something that isn't brought up enough is how often he's just abandoned. He has no one to talk to, he's forced to work through his struggles alone because his existence is political and any sign of weakness being public could reflect badly on his family. He becomes the embodiment of the Prince he could never be. Walking to the lake and reminiscing about when he would be happy there. Being left alone by his brother, who didn't even reply to him asking to say hi to his mother and father, who he then never sees in person again. Then wearing his brother's jacket. He's alone, and all he does is pine for a time when he wasn't. All he wants to do is go back and do it all again, and he can't. But he also can't move forward, he doesn't want to, he doesn't know how.

It feels so scary- Only two scenes so I'll discuss 'em one by one: -At Erik's funeral, there's a more literal fear of getting old. I don't want to repeat myself more than I already have but obviously, that forced Wilhelm to grow up and be more mature, and act like a Crown Prince instead of just the Prince. More attention, less room for error. He's terrified of fucking it up, and there's nobody who can help him. -The breakup scene is more metaphorical. He has to grow up and figure out what he wants to do with his life, while also having to grow to understand what he actually has the ability to do with his life. He's not ready to do this because he wants things to be good and happy but it was ripped away from him. He can't just pretend everything is alright anymore, but the amount of maturing he needs to do seems impossible at this moment, especially knowing he was in love with a boy when he wasn't allowed to be. He tries to be both a Prince and Wilhelm and all it did was betray his boyfriend's trust.

getting old- Wilhelm shutting his computer and pressing his hands to his eyes. It's exhausting. He's exhausted. Constantly working to try and be who he's supposed to be as well as being himself and trying to navigate his emotions in a vulnerable state is just too much. He can't carry it all, so he just gives up for a moment. It all goes quiet, but not in a good way. When you're that overwhelmed, the lack of anything just leaves more room to spiral.

FONT CHOICES

Intro: literally my handwriting. I wanted this to feel personal and almost like a desperate written plea to go back to when it was good, and what's more personal than my own handwriting am I right!!!

First chorus loop: Magazine font, it's in pieces and it doesn't match. There's a sporadic chaos, like he's beginning to feel it but it isn't there yet. The text isn't fully opaque, it's in front of him. We're seeing it before he does in this context. Trying to reflect how the media knows things before he does, like his brothers death, the tape leaking, all that good stuff.

Second chorus loop: Big, Bold, Unavoidable! I rotobrushed Wilhelm in every scene so that the text could be intertwined with him. He can't escape the reality of his situation, he is getting crushed by these feelings. The song gets louder and more claustrophobic, the text is in the scenes with him. It haunts him, it's everywhere. When he closes the laptop and it all goes silent, its not relaxing, it just makes you anxious in a different way.

COLOURING

I actually chose the blues from the intro scene, mainly in the night sky bit of the frame. Also! All the happy Wilmon scenes have a higher saturation, though you can't tell because of how I did the colouring. It just results in them being a little bit brighter, because things were good then and I believe it should feel good then, too.

[qqueenofhades]

Obviously Neilman's storytelling choices are awesome and rule supreme, but that doesn't mean Dream losing the Oldest Game and having to stay in hell wouldn't have been awesome angst. And Hob walking in and demanding Dream back, not caring who Lucifer is in the slightest would have been glorious.

Oh, former-medieval-peasant Hob would very much care, lmao, at least for the first three seconds. "Darling you did WHAT... and got captured by WHO.... LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. AS IN. THE DEVIL. WELL OF COURSE WOW. JUST GOTTA WALK INTO HELL AND GET MY BOYFRIEND AWAY FROM THE LITERAL DEVIL. GREAT."

(Then, of course, he does it anyway, but he never lets Dream live it down. Also, the Dreamling fandom being as talented and eager to explore all angst possibilities as it is, I feel quite certain that someone has written a fic and/or fics about Hob rescuing Dream from hell. There is at least one on AO3 about it, I think it is called "don't look back" but can't remember the author. Anyway.)

Likewise, this is why I have thoughts about Comic Dream's ending (i.e. death) rather than whatever TV Dream's ending might be, and how there's almost a necessity to change it or at least tweak it somehow. Because of the romantic overtones that have been added to the Dreamling relationship, because Hob has in TV!canon literally waited thirty-three years for him and built a temple to their love and left giant flashing red signs so he can find him, there's a character who would clearly love and care for Dream even if he retired from being an Endless, and do anything for him. Besides, since TV!Death is the OG Dreamling shipper, she would obviously just be like "no way in literal hell are you dying, I am carting you off to Hob's house and dumping you in all your sad wet cat glory on his doorstep and he will immediately take you in and smack sense back into you." The writers can't avoid this expectation or sidestep it entirely, so they'll have to address it somehow, because yes.

Likewise, I have seen many headcanons of that nature on my dash recently, and just? Yes? Dream can still retire and leave his kingdom to whatshisname, but he can then become human and live with Hob. Because their comics ending literally consisted of them walking off into the sunset together while Hob talks about living happily ever after, which is truly an insane fact if you think about it, this can still be the case?? Dream can "die" from being an Endless, but join Hob to live as an ordinary human, learning everything he didn't before, having someone who loves him and also free of the burden of being responsible for the Dreaming without abandoning it, as he never felt able to do. He can literally walk into the sunset with Hob and live happily ever after, as well as metaphorically, and just, yes.

[maple-the-awesome]

Birthday Wish ||

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2,749

Requested by @sourpatchspinster: Hi hun,ay I make a request please? It's my birthday coming up in a month and I'll be 30 🙃, I'm totally having an existential crisis about it. Can I have a fluffy fic about the reader turning 30 and she is just being very dramatic like ... , She's single and think she going to die alone lol, but Bucky and his 106 year old ass tell it's going to be okay and she not going to die alone because he loves. Sorry this very specific, but I'm having a moment lol

I love this idea (mainly because I've had this same moment before😔). Here you go, sweetie, and I hope you have an amazing birthday 🥳

Marvel Masterlist 🖤 Fandom Masterlist 🖤 Requests

You should be happy. The weather's perfect and everyone you care about is near, many of whom you haven't seen in what feels like ages. There's also not a single threat in sight; no rouge super soldiers threating peace nor murderous aliens threating existence itself. It's just your friends singing 'Happy Birthday' terribly yet purposefully off key while being all smiles and laughter; a look so foreign for the Avengers these days. So, you should be happy...but you're not.

Three zero. Your hatred for the number only grows the longer you stare at those red and white candles. It's insane to think that as a child, you actually looked forward to turning thirty. What the heck was wrong with you then? No sane person wants to be thirty! When you turn sixteen, you can get a driver's license, turn eighteen to be considered a legal adult, and at twenty-one you can finally drink alcohol. What happens at thirty? Nothing except more body pains in places you'd never expect and the terrifying reminder that the clock is ticking down.

Staring at those two cursed candles, you wonder if they'll reverse time if you wish hard enough. Perhaps you could even pull Stephan aside later and strike some kind of bargain, begging him to work some of his wizard magic to make you younger somehow...No, you doubt he'll do that. He was already complaining earlier about the entire fiasco that occurred after he tried helping Spiderman. With Stephan not being an option, you're really just going to have to wish with all your might.

Alas, nothing happens when you suck in a breath and blow out the tiny flames; nothing except the cheers of the crowd as they’re the only ones celebrating your new age. Not wanting to hurt their feelings nor burden them with your inner worries on such an joyous occasion, you put on your best smile. You're happy, that's all they need to know at least.

Being the birthday girl, you get your first pick of a cake slice, deciding to feed that inner child within by getting the slice with the most intact cookie on top. From there you slip past the group, finding a quiet spot on the porch of the Wilson home where you can eat in peace and alone...as you worry you'll be spending the rest of your life.

In the past (meaning up until earlier last month), you've tried not to worry too much over the status of your love life. You went on dates and tried your best to land a guy without any red flags, but on its own that can be a difficult, time consuming task which only gets worse when added to your busy life as an Avenger. It doesn't help that you pretty much took a five year hiatus during the Blip, only managing to go on one or two dates during that time before realizing you're too depressed to try.

Now that the Blip is over and everyone is back, you've been trying to slowly get back onto the dating scene with little luck. Before you could usually find a guy or two who peaked your interest enough to warrant other dates or even the eventual title of boyfriend, but now you can't even recall the last time you’ve called a guy back after the first date. Did the Blip change you that much? Has your age made you more picky? Or perhaps...

To be honest, if you allowed yourself to dwell on it long enough, you'd realize there's a reason for why you had such a hard time dating during the Blip and why no guy has seemed to spark a light inside your heart afterwards. It's because deep down inside, your heart already knows exactly what type of guy it longs for right down to the name no one else has been able to compete with.

It isn't that you're necessarily blind to this fact, only that you're too stubborn to admit it. You’re thirty years old today which means you're also officially a beggar who can't be a chooser and far too old to hold onto a stupid school girl crush. It doesn't matter what your heart wants to make of all those gentle touches or the playful flirting that surrounds your purely platonic relationship; it won't wash away the line carved in stone and the sooner you cut that pesky rope of hope, the sooner you can return to your quest of actually finding someone before you end up being too old to grow old with them.

"Is the cake not good?" At this point you're certain Bucky hangs around watching you just in waiting to approach at the worst possible time. There's no other reason for him to drop whatever argument Sam and him had been having just to walk over to you with a teasing smile that looks way too mischevious to hold any ounce of innocence; like he knows he's caught you thinking about something forbidden even if that's impossible.

Luckily, he concludes by the way you lift your head with a raised eyebrow that you hadn’t heard his question properly. Poking his fork into his own cake slice, he nods towards yours," the cake? Do you not like it? I had no idea which to get; there were like fifty there. I honestly just got Oreo because I like it, but I probably should've had Sam pick one out-"

His last comment seems scolded more towards himself, but you cut him off by quickly scooping up another piece of the ice-cream cake which had already began to melt," no, no. It's good...You did a good job picking it."

Bucky smiles more at this, although he doesn't leave. Instead, he hovers there mere feet in front of you like a child waiting to annoy their mom over something. You, meanwhile, fight to keep your eyes on the plate, only barely glancing up to notice his eyes lingering over the sliver of space beside you. Getting the message, you scoot over," wanna sit?"

"Yeah...Yeah, I do," he chuckles in embarrassment before gratefully sitting beside you. Despite the amount of room you've provided him with, he still decides to sit close enough to have his arm and leg rub up against yours; a usual habit you've noticed he has not that it means anything.

The two of you eat together in silence, enjoying how nice the cool treat tastes against the warm weather. Everyone else has migrated into different groups to share conversations while Clint's kids and Sam's nephews chase circles around the adults. You actually manage to smile at the sight, happy to see everyone back with their families after so much recent heartache, however the feeling doesn't last long before being bittered.

You're thirty years old without a partner. How much longer will it take to find Mr. Right, and how long will it take for the relationship to progress into something considered stable? While marriage is optional these days as is the concern over concrete long term plans, there’s always the possibility that you might decide to start a family with your future partner. Will you be too old to get pregnant by then? Would even adoption prove to be too much?

"You alright, doll?" Doll...Another habit of Bucky's that means nothing aside from a prick to your heart at such a vulnerable moment.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem...distant," he notes, following your eyes to the group of kids who've successfully dragged Scott into their game of tag," is the party too much?"

"No, it's been great and I've enjoyed getting to see everyone again. I just..." You cut yourself off with a shake of your head, not wanting to get into it. Instead you pick up your plastic solo cup and fiddle with the smooth edge in desperate search for a good excuse," I haven't really gotten much done this week, so I'm gonna need to play catch up. I haven't been grocery shopping yet, 'need to clean the house...I might even update my dating profile, who knows?"

You mention the last part while lifting the soda to your lips and taking a long drink, ignoring the sudden change in Bucky's facial expression which scrunches up as if he has just been asked to solve a difficult math equation.

"...Dating profile, huh?" If you didn't know any better, you'd say his echoed words sound forced, but you don't dwell on that.

"Yeah, ya' know...Thirty's pretty old. I'd like to find a guy before I run out of time..." You hate how pathetic your voice gets with each word, reflecting your inner concern more than you'd prefer.

You really don't want to seem dramatic especially in front of someone you respect as much as Bucky, but you can't help yourself. You've lost count to how many times people have joked about your old age just today alone, never realizing the jabs they’re causing to your confidence not that they can really be blamed. This is the first time all day where someone's noticed your inner demons and it's making you fall apart at the seams.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that."

"Huh? What?" You raise an eyebrow, slightly offended at the way Bucky turns away and takes a drink from his beer bottle with a look of mild interest if it can even be called that.

"That you said 'thirty's pretty old', 'cause if you're old at thirty and running out of time, then that means I'm ancient and out of luck," he wears a smirk nearly identical to the teasing one from before, however the more you stare at him, the more different it seems. It's almost like there's a hidden pain of his own bitterness against the curl of his lips.

"...Well, I hate to break it to you, Barnes, but you probably do belong in a museum-"

"-Hey!"

"Don't 'hey' me. You're like what? A hundred?"

He bites his lip and looks away with a stubborn whisper,"...a hundred and six."

"Ancient," despite your sour mood, you still manage to smile at the way he nudges your arm playfully. This smile fades only slightly as you stare down at the dark liquid rippling in your hands, preparing to be a bit more serious with your next topic," but even so, I don't think you have as much to worry about."

"Why not?" He's generally curious, facing you fully once more with a cute raise of his eyebrow.

"Ancient people have mirrors in their apartments, right?" You pause solely to get a good look at his frown before carry on," because I find it hard to believe you'd have any problem getting a date with your looks. Even the other day when we went down to the docks to help Sam with his boat, there were girls giggling about you. I bet if you stood on the side of the street with a sign that said 'please date me', there'd be a line of men and women wrapping around Louisiana."

"I don't get that much attention," He leans back against the stairs, propping his leg up and bringing his beer to his lips yet never actually taking a drink. If anything, he's just using it to hide his face from you while pretending to be watching the party from a distance.

"You get all the attention. Everyone knows that...but if you don't believe me, we can do a vote-"

"-Nope. No need for that...Just sit your ass down, doll," you go to stand only for Bucky to grab your arm in a hurry and pull you back down, his cheeks dusted from what you assume is embarrassment as you laugh. Shifting uncomfortably, he mumbles," if that's your logic, then you shouldn't have much trouble with dates yourself."

"What makes you say that?" Now you're the one confused.

"Old people have mirrors in their apartments, right?" He quotes you from earlier, bashfully glancing your way for only a second before turning to pick at the peeling paint on the steps," you're a beautiful gal not to mention you're funny and caring along with countless other things- what I'm trying to say is, guys should be lining up around the block for a chance to date you."

There's a heat to your cheeks at his words, however you're quick to remind yourself of their worth as a simple build up from a good friend. Instead of letting them sink into your already fizzy heart, you curl your knees to your chest and shake your head," the problem isn't getting dates with guys, it's finding the right guy...Every time I go, I find something that doesn't work for me. I don't like his style or laugh. I don't feel anything when he holds my hand or kisses my cheek. It just always ends up feeling...wrong. Like..."

"...Like you're meant to be there with someone else?" You're shocked at how fitting Bucky's words are, a reaction he notes. Flustered, he gives a shrug while sitting up straight again," I get that. I went on a date not too long ago and ended up leaving half way through because I couldn't stop thinking about someone else."

"...Oh...?" You frown, fiddling with your fingers in mock distraction," why not just ask that 'someone else' out then?"

Bucky hums absentmindedly, certain you missed the way he glances at you a few different times in the corner of his eyes while weighing his choices in response. It feels like a good minute goes by, one where you watch the party in a somewhat tense atmosphere as if both of you are aware the conversation has hit the same stubborn door you’ve always somehow managed to find. It's a door that appears whenever Bucky leans his arm over your shoulders during movie nights or the way his words trail off as you both stand close enough to feel each others breath while enjoying the sunset on Sam's boat; a door that reminds you both that to pass through would be to cross that stone line of a platonic relationship into something not meant for friends.

"...I think she might be too old for me," Bucky finally confesses, his voice purposefully low to allow fate to decide whether or not you hear.

Fate decides that you do, shown through your confusion," too old for you? What girl is too old for a hundred and six year old man? Are you checking out the ladies at a retirement home or something?”

He shrugs, leaning forward slightly while cupping his hands together," I don't know…I just heard her say thirty is pretty old."

You blink once then twice, letting his words sink in," you..."

Chewing his bottom lip, he refuses to steal glances at you anymore, instead beginning to feel the suffocation of regret set in," look, I get it if you’re not interested. It’s weird, I mean, we’re friends and teammates, but I…I really like you, doll, and if you’d give me the chance, I’d like to be the first guy in line for a date with you- If not then that’s fine. I won’t bring it up again, I promise. I-”

“-I’m free Friday…”

“H-Huh?”

“Friday night. I’m, uh, free if you’d like to go out then,” you rub the back of your neck shyly, your face feeling like it’s on fire as Bucky stares at you in surprise.

It takes some time for your words to process in his head, the outcome where you agree to a date having never actually been considered for some reason. He figured it would be a longshot, one against his better judgment that would possibly ruin your friendship, but not in a good way; not in this way.

“Friday night,” he echoes breathlessly before seeming to snap back into it, his voice noticeably more uplifted as he nods frantically,” right, Friday, I can do that. Uh, how about we go dancing? Do guys still take girls dancing? I don’t have any idea how this modern dating thing works.”

You chuckle at his eagerness, finally finding the courage to look at him with an uncontrollable smile of your own,” I think any date would be amazing with you- as long as you don't take me to a bingo night somewhere that is."

“...Bingo's actually kind of fun, doll.”

“Maybe you are too old for me.” 

“Hey!”

You laugh, standing up from the porch with your empty plate and cup in hand," Friday night dancing...It's a date then, Barnes. I'm looking forward to it."

Going on a date with Bucky might not be what you wished for today, but it's something far better, that's for sure...Maybe turning thirty isn't actually that bad after all.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

i'm really of two minds when it comes to ofmd 2x04... on the one hand, i absolutely love it. my favorite episode of season 2, maybe even of the show. every beat is perfect, every character is perfect, there's no plotline i'm ever bored with. and as a conclusion to the breakup plotline beginning in 1x09, it's perfect.

.... almost.

i really am so conflicted! i love the episode so much. i remember watching for the first time and thinking oh, they're gonna be fine at the "buttons turned into a seagull!" line. i love how quickly everything becomes okay between ed and stede, because they just are with each other... but at the same time, i remember being a little disappointed that this was all that came of the breakup storyline.

you might argue that the first three episodes of season 2 add quite a lot to that storyline, and you wouldn't be wrong at all, but the way i see it, those first three episodes are more about the consequences of 1x10, and izzy threatening ed until he took up the blackbeard mantle again. stede leaving absolutely plays a role, but i feel like if izzy hadn't threatened ed, the fallout of the breakup would be VERY different. i was so on edge for 2x04 bc i was here for the REUNION. i wanted to know what they'd say, how stede would explain himself... i remember being rly sad when the opening scene cut after the headbutt (which makes complete sense after thinking on it, but at the time i was bummed), and then again in the parlor scene when stede never explains WHY he left that night. i love how easily things get back to normal, but i also love the drama!!! ed snippily pretending he's fine while peppering in little comments; anne meddling, and stede being way more concerned about it than ed is; anne telling ed that stede left him for mary; the PARLOR SCENE. having that back and forth feels cathartic in my mind. and i may just feel with this way bc i sat with that horrible/amazing cliffhanger for over a year, building up the inevitable reunion in my head. i think i was just expecting more. i could've watched like three straight episodes of their Ex Era.

and this isn't necessarily a criticism of the writers!! i DO love 2x04. and i think there's a lot of reasons the messy parts didn't get drawn out. budget cuts, two less episodes than last year. my biggest complaint was stede not mentioning the chauncey thing, but a part of me also kind of likes it -- bc season 2 was ed's season, and i'm guessing part of the reason stede never said is because he didn't want to put the burden of his trauma on ed when ed was already going through so much. honestly, part of my frustration with this plotline might just come with building up that cliffhanger in my mind for a year, reading all these fics and imagining it in all these different ways... and it's not as if the breakup trauma isn't littered throughout the season. it's absolutely part of the reason ed leaves in 2x07. and part of me really feels like we might come back to all this stuff that's been left unspoken between them, PARTICULARLY stede being abducted -- this show feels too deliberate to never tell ed that's what happened.

i hope we'll get more of this addressed in season 3! and if we don't, i guess a part of me will always be a little bummed that we never got back to it. but no matter what happens... i still do love what we got. love it to the point that criticizing it feels kinda insane! i guess that's a testament to the quality of ofmd: even the frustrating parts aren't all that frustrating.

[serpensortiamaxima]

SFW Alphabet - Anwen edition

this is an actual embroidery sampler from 1888 btw. And yes, I will do the NSFW version too but these take time lol.

— A stands for Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Anwen needs to warm up to people, which can make her seem very cold at first. She's not the kind to show affection easily and refrains from physical contact despite it being her love language unless whoever she feels affection towards shows vulnerability. The gesture depends on how close to her or how receptive the other person is. Natty and Poppy might get a hug, Ominis is more likely to recieve a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. Sebastian is an exception, he got nothing but words until the dam broke.

— B stands for Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

So. Protective. She doesn't care how the friendship starts, what she's interested in is how interesting the person is. She considers Poppy to be her best friend and as much as she knows she can stand her ground just fine, Anwen will always feel like she's responsible for keeping her safe. She's the kind of best friend who will plot revenge if someone breaks her best friend's heart while comforting them. She'll make them a special tea blend and bring them whatever they like as long as she can make them feel better.

— C stands for Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Anwen loves cuddling but it's a very exclusive privilege. She's not the type to be able to seperate cuddling from romantic feelings, so that's something she keeps for Sebastian. Her cuddles are almost smothering, she would coil like a python around him if she could. She needs skin contact, she needs the slow thumping of a heartbeat. It's a highly sensory, intimate experience for her which is why she's not willing to cuddle with just anyone and she expects the same kind of intensity from the other person.

— D stands for Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Yes. No. It's complicated. Anwen's biggest fear is to lose her freedom and she would need to be completely sure that settling down wouldn't burden her to be able to consider it. At the same time, she does need somewhere she can feel safe and have some reprieve, so she's always struggling between the idea of being able to settle down and the need to break free.

Since she was raised outside of the wizarding world, she has been instilled with very a specific etiquette and manners when it comes to housekeeping. She knows how to cook, clean or budget like what would have been expected of a Victorian young lady. One of the first things she taught herself in Hogwarts was domestic spells so that she could finally be free of having to clean the muggle way.

— E stands for Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Anwen isn't one to break up on impulse. It would be a meticulous approach in different steps, all of which are (unfortunately) quite manipulative. First, she would gradually withdraw her proofs of affection in the hopes that her partner starts resenting her for it. She think that making the other party hate her would, in the end, be beneficial for them.

And if that doesn't work, the second approach she would consider would be summarized by "if you love me, let me go". Chances are, she would still hold feelings. If she leaves, it is either because it is driving her to the edge of insanity or because she knows it's better for her partner. She would frame it as a sacrifice and romanticize the idea.

— F stands for Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very similar to the idea of settling down, the idea of commitment creates conflicting feelings for Anwen. She wants it to some degree, but she also feels the weight of responsibility on her shoulders and fears the loss of her freedom. Eventually, she would get married and, very much like what she'd do if she were to break up, she would frame it as a sacrifice. She'd make sense of it by comparing herself to a sacrificial victim slaughtered on the altar of love, but she would never voice it, preferring to put on yet another mask to maintain the appearance of the ideal bride.

— G stands for Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

It depends on the situation. In an intimate moment, she could be as gentle as light breeze, which she shows through tender gestures of affection and words. She raised herself on poetry and has the ability to choose just the right words that someone needs to hear. However, she can also be brutal if she thinks that gentleness isn't effective, this is more often verbal rather than physical. She adapts the what she thinks the other person is more receptive to, and if that is violent honesty, she will be violent.

— H stands for Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

She sees hugs as an inferior octave to cuddles and therefore is more willing to hug friends. Like her general shows of affection, her hugs tend to be somewhat swift and perhaps a bit distant, unless there is a specific emotional reason to linger. If she wants to provide comfort, her hugs are a bit tighter. If the person is weeping, she will place a hand on the back of their head to communicate understanding. Outside from that, though, she keeps them to the minimum.

— I stands for "I love you" (How fast do they say the L-word?)

The first "I love you" is one that needs to be coerced out of her lips. Anwen would need to be under incredible stress, fear or frustration for her to let it slip out. It can take months for her to even acknowledge that she's fallen in love. She has convinced herself that being loved by her is a curse and tries to keep that feeling under control until she can't anymore. Once this step has been reached, though, her attitude towards the weighty sentence relaxes and she will say it when the moment allows it.

— J stands for Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Her jealousy is covert. She's not controlling and won't attempt to micromanage who her partner is spending time with outside of her. However, she pays attention to the body language and attitude of these people. If someone steps over the line of flirtatiousness, she will inquire on the person, befriend them and find their weaknesses. This way she can keep a close eye on them and drive them away through persuasion.

— K stands for Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses, alongside cuddles, are where Anwen's coldness ends. She is a very passionate kisser and no spot of skin is safe from the assault both on the giving and receiving end. She needs someone who can match the intensity she brings on the table and will expect her partner to let go of all inhibitions. She likes to kiss the neck and chest most, though she's also quite partial to kissing someone's hands. As for where she likes to be kissed, it'd probably be a tie between the neck, her shoulders and her forehead.

— L stands for Little ones (How are they around children?)

She's benevolant towards kids but feels unable to connect with them in ways that matter. Spending time with children doesn't awake anything in her and she doesn't particularly enjoy it. That said, she could be interested in a specific child if she spotted some kind of potential in them and would feel more comfortable taking a mentorship role rather than a parenting one.

— M stands for Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Over a cup of tea. This is the most important part of Anwen's routine. While it is typically a time reserved for herself, she would gladly spend it with her partner, either in bed or somewhere else. Brewing a cup tea for someone is something of a love language, she would choose their favourite blend, learn if they want milk and how much, as well as how much sugar if any. She would go the extra mile to make it as perfect as possible. She absolutely loves slow and lazy mornings when she can bask in the warmth of tea and cuddles.

— N stands for Night (How are nights spent with them?)

The sleepless ones, for the sake of sticking to SFW, are spent either outside or reading, researching. Anwen hates the dorms and would rather retreat anywhere but there. She'll go to the common room only when she has to. She uses the Scriptorium as an office more than she does the Room of Requirement due to its proximity to the common room. Only Sebastian knows he can find her there and often does so.

— O stands for Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Anwen's philosophy is that what she reveals about herself must match what is being revealed to her. Her trust is earned and feels more at ease with this type of almost transactional trust than being open without care. She is keenly aware that any information she gives (and any information she receives) is putting her in a vulnerable position, since she doesn't back away from using what she knows about people against them, which also explains why she feels the need for reciprocity when opening up. Still, she typically knows more about people than they do about her.

— P stands for Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She's patient until she's not anymore. Anwen isn't impulsive, even when angered. She has the type of silent and cold anger that translates into cynicism, sarcasm and contempt when it is expressed. Those are all warning signs, if her interlocutor presses, however, that's when she will become cruel. Still calm, but she will go for where it hurts and twist the knife until the other person is on their knees. She doesn't raise her wand until the other has done it first.

— Q stands for Quizzes (How much would they remember about people? Do they remember every little detail mentioned in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

She remembers everything important. And important, in her definition, can be both small things that she can use to soothe, comfort and show affection, like it can be the other person's deepest, darkest secrets. Every bit of information matters to her, what she does with it very much depends on circumstances.

— R stands for Remember (What is their favorite moment in the relationship?)

She values the deep, long heart to heart discussions she has with the one(s) she loves, especially the ones where she has declared her love in some shape or form. As far as Sebastian is concerned, she goes as far as to store the most important milestones and memories for him. Her logic being that, should something happen to her, he could relive their most important moments and hold on to them if needed.

— S stands for Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their loved ones? How would they like to be protected?)

Anwen is protective to a fault. She always feels like the security of everyone depends on her actions. She would sacrifice herself for Sebastian in a heartbeat but also refuses to be given the same treatment. She doesn't ask for help and it takes someone stubborn to force her to accept help. It's a relentless battle of will between her and the people who love her to the point where she will hide what she's up to if she thinks it's dangerous to make sure that no one tries to save her from herself. Sebastian has to outsmart her, and he does more than she'd like.

— T stands for Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Because she's aware of how cold she can be, Anwen puts in extra efforts for special occasions. It's her way of reminding the ones she loves that she does care, she does listen to them, she does know what will bring a smile on their faces. What it is exactly depends on them, but she is thoughtful and typically finds something unusual but spot on. She cares more about what they need rather than what they want. And, if she's truly out of ideas, she'll hand pick sweets or a blend of tea that she knows will work nicely.

— U stands for Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Anwen has many vices. From her penchant for manipulation to her growing addiction to opium and opium by-products. The events that unfolded during her Fifth year left her struggling with sleep, and that's why she initially came back to using laudanum for more than a painkiller. It was a sleep aid at first, and as the stress and despair got worse, her use of substances increased. She finds comfort in the numbness it brings, it was a short reprieve for the night before having to face the waking nightmare again. By the end of the Fifth year, with everything that happen, she is left with a hollowness that needs to be filled somehow.

— V stands for Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

She cares about her looks but, at least through the fifth year and the first half of the sixth, she's a mess and simply doesn't have the energy to care as much as she would like to. The moments where she lets her personality and appearance shine are when she's out of her uniform, or if she dresses for a ball, in which case she will typically wear red.

— W stands for Whole (Would they feel incomplete without her loved one?)

She would. It would hurt. Her entourage is already limited and she holds on to Sebastian and her closest friends like a lifeline. If she were to lose them, she'd survive, but it would be with a newfound sense of bitterness and despair.

— X stands for Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

She has an agreement with Ominis that Sebastian doesn't know about and a life-binding pact with Sebastian that Ominis doesn't know about. Once it was decided that they wouldn't turn Sebastian in, Ominis and Anwen met up in the Undercroft to discuss how to deal with the twins. Their agreement was that Anwen would handle Sebastian and keep him occupied as much as possible, while Ominis would stay in touch with Anne and let Anwen know of anything important, even if it needs to be kept from Sebastian and vice-versa.

As for Sebastian and Anwen, their promise came later, and came down to vowing to protect each other regardless of what became of their relationship. Even if they grew to hate one another, they would be forced to make sure the other was safe.

— Y stands for Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, Anwen doesn't like being underestimated or challenged. It makes the defiant and nasty side of her come out. She doesn't play fair and will make sure to prove everyone wrong and, for the sake of humiliation, will make a show out of it.

In a partner, she wouldn't be able to stand if they were too nice or too good. She needs someone who can be a partner in crime and doesn't want to be questioned on the morality of her actions and methods. She also values eloquence and intelligence and wouldn't be able to stand someone whose mind didn't entertain hers.

— Z stands for Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Aside from needing extra help for sleep, as her sleep schedule has become more and more disturbed throughout the fifth year, she likes to sleep on her side or on her stomach. She goes to bed way too late, usually around 1 or 2 in the morning and is very often underslept on class days. Because she hates sleeping in the dorms, she's taken a habit to sleeping anywhere else, including the Room of Requirement, the Scriptorium, the Undercroft, even Fig's bedroom in the Faculty Tower after he died, which is by far the most comfortable. She rarely remembers the dreams she had, and when she does, it's often not good ones.

[jojameswinter]

I think a severely underrated look that I haven’t seen anyone talk about yet is the way Kiara smiles at JJ across the fire on Poguelandia. Girl was already down SO BAD before they even left that island. The heart eyes were insane. Like that is the face of someone who is staring at their favourite person in the entire world. She was happy simply because HE was happy. It’s so beautiful I really can’t deal with it.

I think Kiara was very aware of her feelings for him on the island but was also content with the way things were between them. You could see how freaking giddy she was to just be around him and spend all this time with him. Their lives were perfect for that entire month, and she probably didn’t want to jeopardize what they had built by telling him how she felt. But I think that all changed when she thought she was never going to see him again after getting kidnapped. I’m sure that gave Kiara the push she needed to be like “Life is short. I know what I want and I’m going to go after it” which is why she doesn’t back down when they have their accidental almost kiss on the boat 😭

ANON!!!! So sorry this took me a while, but I AM HAVING A MENTAL COLLAPSE!!!!! 😭

Poguelandia is truly something so special. That blissful point in time where everything was falling in place for jiara, where the weight of everything wasn't burdening them. It was so beautiful to see, and although I didn't necessarily expect it to be that dialed up in the first episode, it worked perfectly because of how they played it and their natural chemistry. What you said about them looking at each other like they're each other's favorite person MAKES ME SO FERAL - that's exactly it! And I think it's always been that way; it's obvious they've always had a special place for each other. And on the island, they finally started facing what that means. You're so right - the looks on the island were just LSKJFOWIEFJLSKDFJLSKDJF like I think I might have to go watch that episode today!!!!

I agree; I think when she saw him on that dock, it was another level of realization - hence what happened on the boat afterwards. I think they knew everything had been building and possibly even discussed it in so many words with how they so casually said they needed to talk to Pope. But it felt like it was a turning point where they had to really start confronting their situation.

I AM LOSING MY MIND; I SWEAR IT GETS WORSE EVERY DAY SLKJFSLKDFJLSKDJF THANK YOU FOR COMING TO SCREAM WITH ME!!!!!! ❤️

[linkspooky]

Got any interpretations of Gojo that differ from the fandom?

I’ll start first. Gojo did not look after Megumi and Tsumiki. The fanart of Gojo taking care of a young Megumi and Tsumiki is all cute and all. But like… Gojo isn’t like that. If he did take care of them, Megumi would probably act slightly different around Gojo. Not too much, but not completely distant from Gojo like we see in cannon.

Sure why not, unpopular Gojo opinions. If you don't want to read this then just don't read. I'm not looking to start an argument with anyone else if you disagree with me that's totally fine.

Number one, I totally agree with you anon Gojo is not father figure to Megumi and Tsumiki in any sense of the word. If anything the relationship is entirely transactional, Gojo lent them a helping hand, but on the clear condition that Megumi the ten year old child OWES HIM NOW, with the implication that the money is going to stop coming unless Megumi delivers. Gojo has a lot of unchecked trauma on the fact that he was expected to shoulder the burden of the entire Jujutsu World at sixteen and now he's throwing that on megumi's shoulders with no thought on how that might effect Megumi.

The rest I'm just gonna do bullet points.

GojoI think people want Gojo to be #relatable too much to the point where they end up sanding off a lot of his traits, like Gojo's supposed to be kind of vague, alienating and hard to understand. He has the unique perspective of being the most powerful person in existence, so not only is his perspective kind of alienating to us, but he also has trouble understanding how a normal person might think.

Gojo is a perfect teacher: He's like... a C+ Teacher. In comparison to the elders yeah he is way better, and he has his moments, but I think Gojo also falls short of his own ideals in several ways because he has a lot of unchecked trauma from his youth. He does in fact use children sometimes as pawns in his scheme like sending Inumaki and Panda to get beaten up to piss off Yuta, he's just more well intentioned about it.

Gojo is the good one, and Geto is the bad one. Or, Gojo had good intentions all along, whereas Geto's true nature was evil and wicked and bad and he always hated non sorcerers and he just revealed his true nature at the end of the arc. The whole point of Geto's character is that his empathy drove him insane, so to like say that he never truly empathized with people or cared about the weak is missing that point. Gojo's principles ended up being stronger than Geto in te end but it's important to remember, number one Geto is the one who taught Gojo those principles in the first place by being the first person he related too, and number two Gojo just kind of doesn't care as much. I think he does care, of course he cares, he's also super low empathy Gojo's head is completely in the clouds in regards to most average people, he does what he does out of responsibility and duty not really empathy. Gojo is a character that like way too much responsibility and power was thrust on him at a young age and he is forever warped by that role and trying to spare children from the same thing.

Gojo doesn't have any friends. He just doesn't.

I think people want Gojo to be #relatable too much to the point where they end up sanding off a lot of his traits, like Gojo's supposed to be kind of vague, alienating and hard to understand. He has the unique perspective of being the most powerful person in existence, so not only is his perspective kind of alienating to us, but he also has trouble understanding how a normal person might think.

Gojo is a perfect teacher: He's like... a C+ Teacher. In comparison to the elders yeah he is way better, and he has his moments, but I think Gojo also falls short of his own ideals in several ways because he has a lot of unchecked trauma from his youth. He does in fact use children sometimes as pawns in his scheme like sending Inumaki and Panda to get beaten up to piss off Yuta, he's just more well intentioned about it.

Gojo is the good one, and Geto is the bad one. Or, Gojo had good intentions all along, whereas Geto's true nature was evil and wicked and bad and he always hated non sorcerers and he just revealed his true nature at the end of the arc. The whole point of Geto's character is that his empathy drove him insane, so to like say that he never truly empathized with people or cared about the weak is missing that point. Gojo's principles ended up being stronger than Geto in te end but it's important to remember, number one Geto is the one who taught Gojo those principles in the first place by being the first person he related too, and number two Gojo just kind of doesn't care as much. I think he does care, of course he cares, he's also super low empathy Gojo's head is completely in the clouds in regards to most average people, he does what he does out of responsibility and duty not really empathy. Gojo is a character that like way too much responsibility and power was thrust on him at a young age and he is forever warped by that role and trying to spare children from the same thing.

Gojo doesn't have any friends. He just doesn't.

Gojo has a god complex. This is one of those things where people want him to be #relatable again. Him yelling "In the heaven and the earth I alone am the honored one" and that phrase being a direct parallel to Sukuna means Gojo's like, way more than just a fun, quirky guy. This person expresses it better than I do so go read their post.

[jeetardgoneyolo]

First post. No further elaboration. Coz why?

Just kidding. I am here to talk today....or to vent, more precisely.

JEE is hard. It's ridiculous. But what's even more ridiculous are the expectations, the burden of honor, and the fear of disappointment and despair ingrained into our values caused due to our inability to cope with the extraordinary expectations, after we get into the toppers group.

I worked hard to get into the 'good kids' group. Then I got demotivated after a single failure coz I'm fucking weak, and now am procrastinating.

"Plenty of people finished 11 and 12 in class 9 and 10. They only practice and take mock tests for the 2 years of secondary higher education. So if you don't atleast finish 12 within 11, you'll never crack JEE. And anything without IIT CSE is meaningless when you are in JEE." —Mom

"You can't even rank first in the small area that we live in? What are you gonna do in JEE where competition is at national level?" —Mom, after I scored 207/300 and ranked 6th at my local coaching centre in my first JEE Main Mock test with Kinematics, mole concept, periodic table, trigonometry as topics.

And the thing is, I can't even protest her words, after all, the 1st rank scored 264 and the 2nd rank scored 246. With such a huge difference, I can't even argue. Since more is expected from me as I am supposedly a kid who is wasting away my potential as a someone who can become a JEE top ranker.

"What? You only answered 252? You couldn't even answer 300? You know right how much your marks will be considering your poor 90% accuracy rate? It will go down to minimum of 220s. I am quite disappointed."

This is the 2nd mock test I am talking about, the result hasn't been declared yet. But this exam was said to be especially hard with the insanely tough maths section and mid hard chem questions. The 1st ranker dude from last time answered 230s this time, and the 2nd ranker answered 256. The 3rd ranker, who is actually one of the best prospect in our entire class 11 batch in the whole state, answered 284 but he's quite sad because apparently he will get a lot of negatives. I am expecting 3rd or 2nd rank this time but I think life's gonna gimme lemons as always.

This is what I go through as a JEE aspirant. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It's toxic at this point. I am in a rat race that I can't even escape like in other countries, considering even self help opportunities such as working at fast food chains or something, for minors here are considered trash of the society. We aren't free here, we don't have the opportunity to experience the world and explore my options to find out what I am good at. There's only three options. Doctor, engineer, lawyer. This might sound funny because of the stereotype vids on YouTube about Asians. But it's not funny. Many of us can't handle the pressure and commit suicide. Kota, a city in Rajasthan known for being a hotspot of coaching centres, is also stereotyped for being the Indian version of Japan's suicide forest, except it's exclusively for kids. Others go to depression and fall into the abyss of gambling and drugs.

The education system here has lost it's purpose. It has become an elitist system where the only way of survival is either your own talent or your backing. If you don't have either, you're better off being a lowest ranking member of the society succumbing to the higher ranks.

1:46 AM in the morning, I am sitting here writing this post thinking if anybody could say something that would turn my life around. This is more of a silent cry for help instead of something new to share with the world. I am sitting here in vain thinking there might be some magic trick to success here when I deep down know there doesn't exist one. And thus, I fall into this deep rabbit hole, all in my know. I want to stop this spiraling vortex of abyss inside myself that is erasing my existence. But I'm not trying. It's as if I have been mentally and spiritually paralysed.

I have realised something as conclusion. Life is drowning in reality, but the hellish standards that we have here in India are the sandbags that are tied to our feet in this already suffocative water, with no end of depth, we keep drowning and going deeper and deeper. I'm not happy. I want to break out. But I can't. This is painful. I hope it stops. But again, I know it won't, resulting in only pushing myself deeper into the abyss because of my hope being shattered. Hope is becoming dangerous by the day for me.

Am I the only one?

[nochi-quinn]

legend of vox machina season 2 episode 8: echo tree OR more like incel tree amirite

sam is the "nice melons" npc bc of course he is

imagine the twins using their old tricks to duck the guards and it doesn't work bc that was over a decade ago

hello Elf Guard Matt

"we're his children" (derogatory)

"I've known many people with money and titles. They are definitely not worth you."

VELORA

the twins are not immune to velora and neither am I

"your father will be pleased to see you" I doubt that

"if you'd notified me you'd be gracing us with your presence" has this man never heard of an emergency

"if you've come for my money - or my goats - I don't have any!" wilhand

"real vestments!" I don't know why that's so adorable to me but here we are

"did you forget to eat??" eating is one of the three things grog actually knows how to do

"hi, pop-pop. I fucked up" me every time I call my parents

"what can syngorn do for you?" directed very specifically at percy, fuck everybody else

oh I just realized he's probably shitty about keyleth too, since she's also a half-elf

a second-generation half-elf, at that

my partner: does he not realize vax is wearing deathwalker's ward me: he doesn't care, that's human shit

"do you have any idea the burden your sudden arrival has caused my family?" I regret to inform you that this is in fact also your family

and now we know what role vex played in this emotional abuse hellpit

"you might just wanna avert your eyes" she literally confirmed that grog's dick didn't get acided off for him

if that's how scanlan 'works both ends' I am terribly sorry for any of his partners

it took me three watches to realize he's whistling Pull My Beads Of Love

percy spending that whole meeting trying desperately to figure out which House he could give to Vex without Cass shanking him

"what does 'fuck you' mean?" little pitchers have big ears

(didn't they on-purpose teach her the word 'shit' in the campaign)

if we get byroden flashbacks are they gonna be exu-compliant

"somehow I feel like it hurt me more" relationships! with! abusive! parents! are! complicated!

ew, tree gunk

he finally called her stubby, I can die happy

I knew where they were going as soon as he said "stimulation"

big "not a good enough reason to use the word 'penetrate'" energy

I enjoy Transition Frog

garmelie: don't submit to his voice vex, already extremely emotionally compromised: ✔✔

look, I don't claim to be a perfect parent, but I don't think I could look at something a child made for me with their own two tiny little hands and just casually break it in front of them

not even just my child. any child.

yeah, come to think of it, even vax doesn't Get It, bc he never wanted syldor's approval, or at least got over the want very quickly.

(fun fact, every time I type or say "syldor" I have to force myself not to say "isildur"

look at this. this is insane. I'm obsessed with this shot.

the feywild is using all of percy's black powder, he better hope victor survived.

I'm glad we got the "if I could pull the blood of him from my veins" line but it was so, so good when she was yelling it at her dad

vax now is not the time to ask keyleth to touch your butt

"dear broken vex'ahlia" if the word 'broken' is literally in your proposal there might be something fucked up about it mb

vex: my heart is someone else's percy: oh? do I know them?

incel tree saundor

"how do you fight a tree?" with a druid

I reluctantly admit him making the arrows out of his palm is pretty cool

I also love a good upside-down arrow shot

vex Jungle Sliding for her life

god I love keyleth so much

the way it springs open inside the stab wound is A+

mala: of course it survived, bc percy 100% expected her to stab a man with it

"he is who he's always been" "I know. and so am I." I am foaming at the mouth over this, at vex knowing she needs to work on parts of herself before she can actually confront her dad

there is SO MUCH nuance and middle ground between "still being actively abused" and "full no-contact" but it's more viscerally satisfying to show the Salt The Earth Behind You fight instead of the long, slow, painful work of attempting reconciliation

tl;dr reconciliation is a thing and I wish more stories used it even though it's complicated and subjective

"I usually hate the theater"

"how did that appear? how did tvs just appear? and really old tvs, based on the make and the year?"

this motherfucker

"he killed me with them" grog backstory GROG BACKSTORY

westruun is my favorite arc okay, I apologize for nothing

[midnightrings]

Ship Analysis: Remus & Tonks (Part 2)

Second part of my Remadora analysis, covering the last book as well as some final thoughts :)

Part one is here.

Deathly Hallows

Right during their first appearance we find out that Tonks and Remus got married – which is obviously insanely rushed lmao. I feel like this is actually very fitting though – a) in regards to what I said at the end of my previous post on why Remus even decided to get into the relationship with Tonks, and b) in the general context of war. Of course, in the end, it was just done for the plot. Unlike with OotP, where they had no storyline, now they have a clear one: get married, have a kid, die. But I do think that this rushed marriage is not very unlikely in the current atmosphere of the story, so it fits nicely. (I also remember, many years ago, seeing a post saying that this immediate marriage could hint at them possibly being in a relationship prior, and while I generally like the idea of them having a (secret) relationship in OotP, I don’t believe their sudden marriage is supposed to hint at anything like that, but rather – as I said – setting up their storyline for the book.)

After they got Harry to the Burrow (and been attacked by Death Eaters), Tonks and Ron are missing, and Remus is obviously worried, but what I find interesting is when they finally show up, unharmed, Remus is described at sounding almost angry at Tonks. This could possibly hint at Tonks’ pregnancy already. (Considering they weren’t really expecting to be attacked, she might have decided to take part in the mission either way.) However, it could also just be anger caused by fear and worry – which was clearly showing on his face in this scene as it was described as being set and white – so it isn’t clear whether it was supposed to be a hint at her pregnancy or not.

That changes with their next scene, at Harry’s Birthday. Tonks is described as looking radiant (which could basically translate into pregnancy glow) while Remus looks unhappy. Considering this is the first time Harry notices their opposite expressions/emotional states and it wasn’t mentioned before, I feel like the previous scene was in fact not meant as a hint at her pregnancy and that they found out about it in between those two events.

Then, the minister is about to show up, and this leads to another interesting moment: Remus takes Tonks’ hand, urging her to leave with him. It’s because the Ministry is not too friendly with werewolves currently, but what’s interesting is that Tonks is apparently affected by this as well. Mind you, if Remus was the only one whose presence could present an issue, the scene would have probably been written in a way that showed him excusing himself, followed by Tonks stating she would leave with him, but no, he’s the one making them both leave, which probably means that Tonks does not work at the Ministry anymore, most likely due to the marriage. When she then explains their sudden leave to Harry at the wedding, Remus shows clear worry on his face. And again, Harry notices how miserable he looks – the fact that this is repeated again makes it quite safe to say that Tonks is already pregnant at this point and that Remus’s previous doubts and worries have resurfaced.

This all then results in Remus leaving a pregnant Tonks, trying to join the trio (which was absolutely horrible and I’m happy Harry called him out for it like he did). Remus feels guilty about possibly passing his condition on to his child, feels like a werewolf-father would be a burden either way, and also mentions that Tonks’ parents were opposed to their relationship as well. Instead of facing this, he has decided to run away. This adds onto what I said previously to his change of mind in HBP: It shows he has clearly not made a thought-out decision in regards to Tonks, but that it was simply an ‘in the moment’ one, and his self-loathing has eventually caught up with him. He directly says that he regrets marrying her and did it despite better judgement.

Quick thought here: I find it quite interesting that even though Remus was not wrong in his worries regarding their relationship (though I still believe he was in the wrong when rejecting Tonks based on this, as she is able to make her own decisions), it was essentially his actions that brought misery upon her. Tonks clearly looked happy, despite everything, also showing a strong contrast to her character in the previous book. Remus hates himself and his life and is expecting that Tonks will suffer by being at his side, yet in the end, the pain he causes her has been the result of his own decisions, not caused by the fact the he is a werewolf.

Later, we find out he returned to her, though we don’t know when (or how, ‘cause Tonks is by far better than me. If someone had done that to me, my child wouldn’t have a father anymore). Then we meet him again after Teddy is born, and this might be the happiest we have ever seen him, described by Harry as looking years younger. When he is talking about his son here, he seems so joyful, it represents a nice contrast to his character in the beginning of the book.

Sadly, that obviously won’t last. Remus joined the battle, stating Tonks stayed at home with Teddy and her mother, but unsurprisingly, she didn’t actually stay here. There’s also some nice … foreshadowing (? – probably not the right word in this case or necessarily meant in that way) back when Remus ran away, because when Tonks was brought up back then, Harry internally states that Tonks would never shy away from battle. And well, she doesn’t. She joins, we see her looking for Remus, and then they are both dead… :(

As a personal note, I have to say I like the fact the Remus left Tonks – writing wise only, of course. I think it would’ve been easy to just have them get married, have a kid, then die, all for the storyline. However, having his doubts reappear added a lot onto their ending in HBP. Remus regretted it at this point, showing that he clearly rushed into the relationship, therefore not changing his mind but simply ignoring his previous worries. I feel this adds some great nuance in retrospective.

Final Thoughts

Looking at their story together, I would definitely put it under the theme of war. They relationship was, in the end, shaped by the war in every way. And I also feel that, the moment their relationship had been created, it was clear how it would end. Perhaps they were not the only couple that could’ve qualified for this specific story arc, but considering they were both active members of the Order, Remus had already fought in the previous war, and Tonks was an Auror, their characters essentially represent fighters that would without a doubt give their lives to win the war.

They met when the war was imminent and developed feelings for one another during that time, later starting a relationship. They had a rushed marriage which Remus later regretted because the decision to be with Tonks had been rushed altogether, all caused by the war around them and the possibility of their deaths. Their whole relationship had been pretty dramatic with probably more downs than ups, but right before the end they have finally found some happiness. In the end, they joined the final battle while knowing they might not make it out alive, and eventually died, leaving an orphaned son behind.

As a final personal note, I have to say that I nonetheless never really liked that their story ended in death (and not just because I’m emotionally attached to them lmao). While I think that the general idea of their storyline was a good one, I just don’t feel like it had been executed that well. One reason is that it somewhat messed with their individual character arc, in my opinion. Now, in Tonks’s case, I do feel that her death made sense to some extent, but we have already seen her suffer from the consequences of war during HBP, so it felt rather unnecessary. For Remus, I believe it was an all-around bad decision to kill him off. He has suffered throughout the entirety of his life. I just mentioned how he looked the happiest we might have ever seen him in the end of this book, right before his death. This should have been the ending to his storyline: finally finding happiness. It simply feels like they have turned into story functions more than characters at this point, sadly. And I still believe that their death could have been well written had it not been as rushed as it was. Any meaning their death, for their characters or the story in general, could have had was simply never shown, all because the ending of the book was rushed. (Which is an issue I have with this book as a whole). So overall, the idea and concept of their relationship and story is interesting, but I just feel like it could’ve been written better.

[littlemixnet]

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

[kaistarus]

The Only Exception

Pairing: NishinoyaXReader

Words: 2.2K

Summary: Nishinoya was genuinely happy with his life. He’d gotten used to being by himself and had accepted the fact that that was how it was supposed to be. Until you came along and threw everything he thought made sense out the window.

A/N: I really like this fic. It’s one of my favorites Nishinoya ones so far just because it’s his pov and timeskip and the amount of love feels makes me happy. i got a lot of serotonin while writing it :D

Masterlist

Nishinoya had never been someone’s first choice.

He knew that sounded dramatic, but it was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, Tanaka could chug three-fourths gallon of milk before vomiting, and Nishinoya was never anyone’s preferred option--which never bothered him so keep the pity to yourself.

He learned to accept this when he never got scouted for the All-Japan Youth Camp and after the only person Nishinoya ever even kind of loved ended up loving his best friend. It taught him to keep his expectations low and to focus on things he could control, which was what led him to solo-traveling Japan and then the world. He realized things might be better on his own, and with the constant itch that he was missing out on something bigger traveling alone just made sense.

But then you came and ruined everything.

Hold on. That came off way more aggressive than Nishinoya wanted. He meant there was a perfect vision for how his life would go-pyramids in Egypt, Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, deep sea fishing in Italy-until he toppled over you in the streets of Italy. He’d been sprinting toward the docks when you stepped out of a marketplace and he collided into you, knocking you flat on your butt and sending your groceries all over the sidewalk. Nishinoya fumbled through his best apology in broken Italian while shoving produce into your paper bag, but froze in surprise when you snorted rather than began an enraged lecture.

He swore his heart actually stopped when your eyes met. You were clearly amused by his flustered behavior and when his heart started back up it was abnormally fast. Not once had he understood what Tanaka meant when he explained the first time he’d seen Kiyoko, but the first time Nishinoya saw you everything Tanaka said clicked. If Nishinoya had been fifteen he probably would’ve proposed to you on the spot.

But he wasn’t, so instead he shakily handed you your groceries with furiously red cheeks.

“Come ti chiami?” You asked with a raised brow.

Nishinoya blinked several times. He racked his brain for what he’d been taught on his last fishing trip, but it was mostly curses and inappropriate sayings he should probably avoid using. He was pretty sure Duolingo mentioned ‘chiamo’ as name though.

“Nishinoya?” He answered like a question and felt relief wash over him when you nodded.

“What are you doing this weekend, Nishinoya?”

He stared blankly before pointing at you with wide eyes, “I understood that.”

“Well you obviously don’t know Italian,” you rolled your eyes and he pouted at the incredibly accurate jab, “so, are you free?”

He looked around the empty street before pointing to himself. “Are you still talking to me?”

“Is there another Nishinoya around here?”

“I mean, there could be.” He looked up thoughtfully. “The odds would be crazy though.”

You laughed lightly which made a warmth creep up his neck. “I’m talking to you. I’m trying to ask you on a date.”

He looked at you like you’d grown a second head. “Why?”

“You’re attractive and you seem nice,” you cocked your head to the side. “Is that not a good reason?”

He stared at the ground intensely. “I guess… It is?” Then his original reason for being there struck him and his eyes widened. “Oh shit. I have to go,” he started leaving before quickly coming back. “Wait, I, uh, yes. Yes to the date thing.”

You chuckled, pulling a cellphone from your pocket to let him hurriedly create his contact before continuing his sprint to the docks-with a teasing recommendation not to knock anyone else over. That literal run in was the moment his entire world view became out of whack.

It wasn’t that he thought he was immune to liking someone-high school Nishinoya fell for any breathing human that gave him attention-he just lost the ability to imagine someone liking him. Maybe he’d been by himself too long or maybe that was just another fact he’d grown used to. He didn’t know anymore.

He did know that when he showed up at the restaurant thirty minutes early-there’s only so much pacing someone can do before they go insane-he hadn’t expected to see you. Just sitting on a bench beside the main entrance, looking too perfect while bouncing a knee and nibbling on your thumb nail as if you were nervous to be there.

Except it was only him, so that wouldn’t make sense.

“Hey,” you said when you spotted him standing in the middle of the sidewalk like an idiot.

“You’re here,” he raised a brow. You took it as the time, but he meant it in a general sense. He truly hadn’t expected you to show up.

“Oh,” you chuckled awkwardly, twisting the material of your clothes. “Yeah, I was kind of nervous.”

He mulled that over for admittedly too long, but it just seemed like such a stupid thing to say. It wasn’t that you looked stupid, but that’s what made it so confusing.

“You’re also early.” You pointed out when the silence became awkwardly long.

“I was nervous.” He said like it should have been obvious.

“At least we’re starting on equal ground,” you said with a shaky breath.

Equal ground? He wasn’t sure his brain was cut out for this type of critical thinking. He’d even spent the past few days planning for every scenario-even you sneaking out the bathroom like in the movies-but he never pictured you being nervous.

“Uh, yeah,” he tapped against his leg while glancing through the window at the half-filled dining area, “we can probably go inside.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” you gave him a quick finger gun before whipping around with shoulders to your ears.

Nishinoya blinked several times before looking back down the street. A part of him thought about running, saving you both from the shitty date to come filled with awful conversation starters he’d pulled from an online article for high schoolers. However his fate was sealed the moment you sent a gentle smile over your shoulder and his feet began following you through the door without his permission.

Ever since that day he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ever since you giggled behind your hand instead of wincing at the terrible jokes he regretted the moment they left his mouth; ever since you weren’t burdened by the need to translate for him the whole night; and ever since you were amused rather than annoyed at his nervous rambling and awkward icebreakers.

It was just too good to be true.

Like the first time you came over and teased him for the cheesy dialogue in his favorite action movies. How his chest ached when your head rested in his lap and you gazed at him with overwhelming amounts of affection. He’d never dreamed he’d have this-couldn’t have if he tried. Sharing his favorite things with someone while they traced designs against his palm and occasionally sealing them with featherlight kisses. The fire it sent up his arm was too much and not enough and he hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted this.

It was a little scary how much Nishinoya didn’t want to lose it.

And that thought started keeping him up at night. Nishinoya was never really scared of anything-it was kind of what he was known for everywhere he traveled. If anyone needed something done they asked the foreigner with a death wish. So, the idea that you had that effect on him was, again, terrifying.

But what was Nishinoya supposed to do when you press your forehead against his in the middle of the night? Running your fingers through his hair and paying special attention to the blonde strands he’d always been secretly self-conscious of, whispering low how they were one of your favorite things in the world. How could he regret anything when you rubbed your nose lazily against his and kissed him softer than he ever deserved? He didn’t give a shit how scared he was if it meant he could stay like this, with you, for as long as you’d let him.

Because his heart raced a million miles a second when you mindlessly held his hand under a table or leaned against him just to be close. Because for some reason he was the first person you called when you were excited or when you needed comfort. Because when he rambled too long about spearfishing or an old friend’s volleyball game your eyes lit with genuine interest rather than annoyance. And because he was in love with you.

Which he both wasn’t prepared for and had known was inevitable. Falling for you had been like getting hit by a semi-truck he’d seen coming for miles.

It probably happened sooner than socially acceptable, but that didn’t surprise him given his all or nothing nature. This outcome was decided the moment Nishinoya knew he’d be fine with you breaking his heart a hundred times if it meant he could keep waking up next to you cascaded by the rising sun because he was still too lazy to invest in curtains. Just you cuddling closer to him for warmth in your sleep would make every ounce of pain worth it.

Once Nishinoya’d acknowledged his feelings it was nearly impossible keeping them down. With every breathtaking smile, or brush of your hand against his, or bubble of laughter that rang throughout his apartment it nearly spilled from his lips like a breath. It took all self-restraint he had to hold it back. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want you to know because you deserved this piece of him-every piece of him.

He just wasn’t sure you’d want it.

His resolve lasted nearly a month-a month longer than he thought he was capable-before the feeling was too intense for him to keep down. And it wasn’t anything drastic that made him break. No, it was something so absurdly casual that he was almost pissed at himself when the words flowed from his mouth.

It had been a completely average morning, nothing crazy, the weather was actually gross with rain pounding against the windows and the sky a depressing shade of grey. But then you stepped out of his bathroom while rubbing the sleep from your eyes, giving him a lopsided smile before slurring a soft request for breakfast. It was like time froze and he was in a stupid romcom except you were there so it was actually an oscar nominated masterpiece.

Your head lolled to the side, half-lidded eyes filling with concern at his silence. “We can cook together. I didn’t mean it like-”

“I love you.”

That seemed to wake you up. Your body straightened while your mouth hung open in stunned silence. Nishinoya had expected this kind of reaction, so he clenched his fists tight in preparation for the worst.

“Are you sure?” You asked, barely above a whisper. “That’s a pretty serious word, Noya.”

He knew that. Nishinoya had spent too many nights losing sleep over that.

“You scare me,” he confessed, deciding if he was going to dig his grave he might as well make it deep. “I’ve never really been the one someone chooses. More like deal or settle with.” He grimaced when his heart squeezed painfully in his chest, “but I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone and that scares me. You make me feel wanted and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Because I do want you.” You whispered and his stare locked on yours so quickly, meeting your loving gaze while his heart started racing. “And everyone you know must be really stupid because I feel lucky I got to choose you. I get to love you.”

He stared at you wide-eyed while his chest swelled with so much emotion he was surprised he hadn’t passed out.

“Sorry, that sounded really lame.” You placed a hand against your forehead and Nishinoya shook his head vigorously.

“I think that was the greatest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

You stepped closer and cradled his face, gently brushing your thumbs along his cheeks. If he wasn’t so manly and awesome he may have teared up, but he definitely didn’t. Which was why you obviously weren’t wiping any water off his cheeks before pulling his lips against yours.

Nishinoya set a languid pace that turned desperate when you tangled your fingers in his hair. He pulled you as close as he could, which was never enough, snaking an arm around your middle and sliding one to cradle the back of your head. 

When it got heated enough that he decided he’d very much like to move it to his bedroom Nishinoya’s stomach growled and you snorted against his lips. Nishinoya pouted, whining when you pulled away with a playful smirk.

“Later,” you said, pinching his cheeks and waving his head around. “Food first. We’re both hungry.”

He did love food.

He disrespectfully watched you leave him in favor of searching the fridge for food that could be thrown together for breakfast. A dopey smile covered his lips because he loved you. He was lucky enough to get to love you. And for some ridiculous fucking reason you were dumb enough to love him.

He would do whatever he could to keep it this way. For now, that was helping you cook breakfast. Tomorrow, who knows? But whatever it was you would be there, so it would be pretty god damn amazing.