#<- used to be my favourite part about my birthday and i'd spend all year planning it and putting it together

[milf-harrington]

AW YEAH I JUST FIGURED OUT THE PERFECT EARRINGS TO MAKE FOR MY BIRTHDAY

[harryxmarvel]

Shatter my soul ~ Part - 2

Summary : Harry has been suffering from an addiction and y/n decides to take time for herself or based on this ask

Pairing: rockstarboyfried!Harry x reader!y/n

Warnings: Angst

My masterlist

Read part 1 here

I love you and I've loved you since the day I met you. I'm sorry i couldn't realise how to be better for you for us when you were here. You were the only one who struck by me through it all and now I'd do the same for you but there are some truths you need to know before. I swore to be honest and I wanna be that way with you because that's the least you deserve.

All those your friends tell you they hate me but they spend the nights you are out in my bed. I had no recollection of the first time it happened. After a particular hars session I was high and drunk i thought it was you but when she showed back two days later I didn't stop it. I should have I knew I should have but I didn't and I don't know why I didn't.

I don't even remember what happened the night before because I was that high. It think I needed osme kind of relief that the drugs couldn't give me or maybe i wanted to hurt you. I'm an arrogant son of a bitch and you shouldn't be with someone like me. You should be with someone who would treat you well and take care of you like you deserve to be. Everyone taught us to chase money for happiness but they have no idea what losing happiness is an that's what's I felt when you left me. The last ounce of happiness walking out of my life leaving me with nothing and I wanted it back because it was everything to be an di didn't even know it until I lost it.

But i was never that kind of happiness to you. You loved doing you job, you lived little things around you that brought you happiness but I wasn't one of them because all I ever did was hurt you.

I wish there will be a day when I get to the place to be someone you deserve. I'll come find you if I ever become worthy of loving you. Untill then if that ever happens I wish you all the happiness because that is all you deserve in this cruel world.

I will always love with my whole heart y/n.

Love, your H

*

I love sunsets, the beautiful hues of colours filling the cloudy sky. Driving out to the suburbs and watching the chemtrails with her little brother every weekend was y/n's favourite thing.

"Harry called me yesterday" he says as he munches his waffles they got on the way.

"He wished me for my birthday and asked about you" he says as he side eyes her trying to see her reaction.

Nate's birthday was ten days earlier but y/n did give harry credit that he had called.

It had been almost a year since she moved away from New York. All she had there were haunting memories she wished to forget. The sun sets as they sit on the back of the truck eating the food. After reading the letter y/n knew what she had to do. And that was to get away from there as soon as possible.

She couldn't believe she had trusted people who would do this behind her back. Y/n thought moving back home would help her mend her broken heart but after weeks of crying over the betrayal and hurt she was numb.

Harry was her home. She doesn't even remember her life before him. 11years through thick and thin all for nothing. She moved out on her own after three months and adopted a puppy to keep her company. She doesn't know she would ever get over him. Would people ever get over their first love. She didn't know but she knew it will be better. It's going to get better.

Harry had been clean since their breakup and she couldn't be more proud of him. They hadn't talked or seen each other in a year. All y/n knew was she was miserable without him. After reading the letter y/n had disappeared from all of her friends life and while they were worried and had spammed her phone like they care she never replied. How do you trust someone when every single person you had trusted had backstabbed you?

*

The city was beautiful after a rain. A chill in the air making harry hug his coat tighter as he walks around. He had been doing well. His next album was ready to be released in few weeks, he was clean for almost two years but the hole in his heart didn't seem to be mending. It only grew bigger every day he was away from her. He knew she wouldn't forgive him. He also knew she was it for him but now it has all gone the drain and he has to live the rest of his life without her.

He stops to get a coffee and his eyes spots a familiar face in the corner her beautiful laugh echoing through the cafe. He spots a blond guy sitting opposite to her and his heart sinks further. Right as he was about to leave y/n's eyes meets his and a smile grazes her features and Harry returns it as y/n turns her focus back to the guy she was talking. Harry is about to walk away when y/n gets up nodding at the guy before hurriedly walking out.

"Hi Harry" she starts and Harry engulfs her in a hug which y/n happily hugs back. God knows she missed his hugs. They just made her feel like she was finally home and safe

"god....I missed you so much, how have you been?" he asks a little hesitant.

"I'm all good, created a whole new life. think I needed the change..." She ends nothing wanting to sound like it was all his fault.

"I'm really really sorry y/n... you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I just can't believe-"

"h, it's okay. I've forgiven you a long time ago." y/n cuts in much to Harry's surprise to hear she had forgiven him. " so how have you been?"

"I have been good, pulled my life together. been sober for almost two years now."

"that's really great to hear h, im so proud of you" y/n says and Harry nods with a smile. It's a little silent as they both decide how to go further from this. harry was in over his head about losing her again because that is what he deserves after everything so he was ready to bid goodbye and leave her life for good but y/n spoke up before him "You wanna grab a coffee?" she asks pointing towards the cafe.

harry was glad to hear y/n still wanted him in her life and vows to never break her trust again and to win back her trust no matter what and y/n on the other hand is ready to try to mend their broken relationship. it will be slow progress but as they sit there laughing as they share their life like they used to they both knew that they will be okay.

A/n : I know you guys wanted Harry to beg to take him back but I made this as them realising they were meant for each other. And the begging gave me another idea for a one shot so see you there. Thanks for the ask anon 🫶🏻

[stargazer-sims]

Takashi Abbottsford for @jonquilyst Total Drama Sims 2!

Name: Takashi Abbottsford Pronouns: he/him Gender Identity: cis male Sexuality: bisexual Aspiration: Extreme Sports Enthusiast Traits: Nosy, Dance Machine

__________

Takashi: Hey, world! How's it going? My name is Takashi Abbottsford, and I'm from Willow Creek. I'm sixteen years old, my birthday is August 13th, I'm a student at Willow Creek High, and I like pizza and energy drinks. Actually, my dads always say I probably don't need energy drinks, but hey... we can always use an extra boost, right?

Let's see... Other stuff about me... I love sports! I like snowboarding, rock climbing, soccer and swimming the best, and every time we visit my Papa's family in Mt. Komorebi, I always spend as much time as I can on the mountain. Shredding is life! Yeah!

Um, okay... My favourite colours are green and blue, and my favourite season is winter. I like video games and I like to cook. I also like dancing, like a lot, and I like rocking out to my favourite bands. I can play the piano too, although not as well as my brother Forest, which is a bummer because he won a medal at the youth music festival last year and I kinda messed up during a trio performance with two of my sisters, and of course Forest made fun of me about it. Siblings... ugh!

Yeah, so while we're on the subject of siblings, I should probably tell you about mine, and my two dads as well. My family falls squarely into the category of 'wild facts you could never make up', no joke.

We're a stupidly large family, just so you know. I'm the youngest of six siblings, and all six of us are science babies. My oldest siblings are Camellia and Forest, and they're twins. Next is Matsu, and then there's the triplets; Midori, Willow and me. Oh, and if you're wondering about why some of us have English-sounding names and some of us have Japanese names, it's because our Dad, Fox Abbottsford, is a Canadian and our Papa, Takahiro Suzuki, is Japanese. They met in Japan when Dad was there on a working holiday visa, and they have this absolutely crazy love story, but that's a tale for another time. The reason for our mixed bag of names is because they wanted us to have names that reflected both their cultures, so here we are.

Oh, and fun fact. Me, Matsu and Midori don't have middle names, which is part of Japanese naming tradition. Forest, Camellia and Willow do have middle names, and I don't know if I should be envious of that or grateful that I only had to learn how to spell two names instead of three when I was in first grade and we were all practising how to write them.

Right. Why did I sign up to be on Total Drama?

Hooo man... where do I even start with that? When you're one of six, 'total drama' is a way of life! I figured I'd be pretty good at it, because I'm used to chaos. I mean, 'chaos' should be our family motto or something.

Actually, let me tell you the real reason I signed up, besides the ongoing total drama in our household.

When you're one of six, there's this never-ending competition for attention, and this constant need to distinguish yourself from your brothers and sisters. Don't get me wrong. I love all my brothers and sisters, especially my older brother Matsu, but it's hard to be the youngest and the most unremarkable. I don't just have one shadow to live in. I have five.

For example, my absolute nerd of a brother Forest is like, this insanely gifted artist, just like Dad. Forest already has his illustrations in a children's book and he's only 18. Also, despite being Nerd Number One, he somehow managed to land the most popular girl at school as his girlfriend. Also, Forest's girlfriend Caroline is hot and she's a star athlete. Everybody's always talking about how great they are together. Like, how's a guy supposed to level up to that?

My other siblings all have their thing, too. My sister Camellia is good at acting, and Matsu is amazing at sports and the captain of the cheer squad. Midori and Willow are identical, which always gets them noticed just because, but also Midori is already planning her career as an aesthetician, and Willow is super-smart like Forest and wants to become an engineer.

As for me, I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I'm okay at most things, but not awesome like my siblings, and I don't have my future figured out like some of them do. I'm thinking maybe I'd like to be a police officer and work in something science-y like forensics, 'cause I really love science. Or I might like to be a journalist, 'cause I'm good at finding out stuff that people don't necessarily want me to know.

My dads keep telling me that being nosy isn't really a good thing, but I prefer to think of it as inquisitiveness. Anyway, I'd use my powers for good, so I think it's okay.

Everyone says I talk too much, so I should probably wrap this up so I don't annoy people too much. Kinda insecure about that, to be honest, but like... I can't help myself. Sometimes I feel awkward 'cause I don't know if I'm talking too much or not and I'm worried about what people might think. Like, 'Oh no, not that guy again. He can never shut up', or whatever.

Okay, that's it, I promise! I'm super pumped about this show, and I can't wait to meet everyone! Bring on the adventure and bring on the drama! Your boy Takashi is READY FOR IT! Woo!

[sequinsmile-x]

Just Like a Folk Song - Part 1

Part 1: Love You to the Moon and to Saturn

Emily and Aaron have been friends since they were children, what will happen when Emily realises she can no longer keep her feelings for him to herself?

A Young Hotchniss AU

Part 1/3

-x-

Hi friends!!

This is part one of a birthday fic for one of my favourite people in the whole world - @ssa-sparks!! It isn't her birthday until tomorrow, but I thought I'd get the celebration started a little early because she deserves it.

Lina - I am so grateful to have you in my life. You're an amazing friend and a true light in my life. I know you love young hotchniss, and I know you love my AU's, so I thought this would be the best of both worlds.

Speak to you in just a little bit <3 (probably.)

Part 2 will be posted tomorrow and part 3 the day after. Part 3 will have smut!

-x-

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: brief mentions of Aaron's childhood, no smut in this part but fic is rated M.

Read over on A03, or below the cut

She’s woken up by a hand on her shoulder, a gentle shake, and a kind voice.

“Miss Prentiss, we’ll be landing soon.” 

She blinks a couple of times and sits up, smiling at the flight attendant standing next to her, “Sorry.” 

The flight attendant smiles and shakes her head, “No need to apologise, I just wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to wake up.”

She smiles and nods, straightening herself up in her seat, “Thank you, I appreciate it.” 

“No worries, we’ll be in DC in about 20 minutes.” 

Emily blows out a slow breath and looks out the window as the flight attendant walks away. No matter how many times she had done this, countless flights back into DC from all over the world throughout her life, she never got used to the nervous excitement she’d feel in her belly just before she landed. She knew it was in part because she feared what could have changed when she was gone, the very real reality that life carried on without her something she’d had to get used to when she was young. 

She’d gone travelling around Europe for a few months after graduating with her Masters. Visiting old haunts from when she was a teenager, everything somehow more beautiful now she was looking at it through the eyes of a 24-year-old. She would miss it, she’d miss the freedom it had given her as she figured out what she wanted to do with her life, but she was excited to get a job, and she was excited to see her friends. She was even looking forward to seeing her mother, but she knew that feeling would likely fade within minutes of seeing her.

Mostly, Emily was looking forward to seeing Aaron. 

They’d met when they were children. Aaron’s mother had worked for her mother as a maid, cleaning the house every other day, and she always brought Aaron, and eventually Shaun when he was born, along with her. For a long time, Emily hadn’t been able to figure out why Elizabeth had allowed it, the gesture seemingly at odds with what she knew about her mother, but as she got older she realised she must have known about Aaron’s father. About the violence he was capable of, and how she understood their mother’s desire to keep them safe. 

Aaron was a playmate at first. He was a couple of years older than her, but was kind even then, seemingly not turned off by the idea of spending time with a girl a little younger than him. Their friendship grew as they did, and somewhere along the way, he became her best friend. A constant she could always rely on no matter where in the world she was, the letters and phone calls they would exchange a link to the world she left behind whenever she’d go away on one of her mother’s assignments. 

He was her port in a storm, the very thing she relied on in her worst moments. When she came from Rome, fragile and still putting herself back together from what had happened there, he’d noticed something was wrong the moment he saw her. She’d considered not telling him, keeping what she still considered her deepest secret to herself, but he’d asked what was wrong and she’d fallen apart, confessing everything as he hugged her, his embrace firm even then when he was only 17. 

She didn’t remember when she fell in love with him. When the feeling of friendship turned into more, the love she’d always had for him transforming into what she felt now. It had happened slowly, bit by bit until she didn’t remember how it felt to not be completely, heads over heels, in love with her best friend. There were moments when she thought he might feel the same way too, when his gaze would linger on her a little too long, affection that seemed to run deeper than friendship lingering in his eyes. 

Emily wasn’t afraid of much. She’d been headstrong her entire life, something that seemed to be a compliment from everyone other than her mother, and defiant. Keen to always prove people’s expectations of her wrong, desperate to show that she was much more than just the ambassador’s daughter. One thing she was afraid of, was losing him. Aaron was important to her, so deeply woven throughout her history and who she was that the thought of not having him in her life was too much for her to bear. She’d rather just have him in her life as her best friend than risk losing him because she admitted that she wanted more. 

She’d tried to find happiness in other relationships, flings that had never gone far enough for her to introduce them to her parents, but she’d struggled. She’d had one long-term relationship when she was studying for her masters, with an older man called Ian, but he’d turned out to be the opposite of everything he had pretended to be, her reality coming crashing down when his live in girlfriend came to her place and confronted her. Aaron had come over the second she’d called, furious for her and armed with her favourite snacks and her favourite movie that he’d rented. He’d confronted Ian for her, something she’d scolded him for afterwards as she held an ice pack to his black eye, but she swore she saw something in his gentle smile that evening. As if she could have leant forward and kissed him and he would have kissed her back. 

After her flight lands she feels like she’s going through the motions, barely paying any attention as she goes through customs and collects her luggage. By the time she gets back to her apartment, she’s exhausted, dead on her feet as she abandons her suitcase just inside the door. She sheds her coat and walks into the kitchen, frowning when she sees two messages blinking on her phone. 

“$20 it’s Mother,” she says to herself, pressing the button on the machine to play the message. 

“Hi, Emily, it’s your mother-”

“Got it in one,” she says to herself as she reaches for the coffee pot so she can make some as she listens to the rest of her mother’s message. 

“I know you only got back home today, but I just wanted to remind you that I’m hosting a fundraiser this evening and I’d appreciate it if you attended. Aaron will be there too so you can catch up. See you later.”

She rolls her eyes as she places the coffee pot back into its machine, “I had a great time, Mother. Thanks for asking,” she grumbles to herself and shakes her head. She checks her watch, she would have enough time to shower and get ready before she went out. “Welcome back I guess.” 

The second message starts to play and she sighs happily to herself the moment she hears Aaron’s voice, any tension her mother had caused immediately seeping out of her shoulders. 

“Hi Em. Just calling to say I hope you got back okay - can’t wait to hear all about the parts you didn’t put in your postcards. I’m sure your mom has already told you but there’s a fundraiser tonight. Can’t wait to see you.” 

She hates herself a little for how widely she smiles, her cheeks aching with it as she places her finger over the button, contemplating listening to it again before she shakes her head at herself and steps away, grabbing the coffee pot to pour herself some now it was ready.

“Get it together, Emily.” 

___

She feels immediately tense as she steps into her mother’s house. 

This place had always had this effect on her. It had never quite felt like home, they’d never really been here long enough at a time for her to relax into it, her room never decorated to her liking - indistinguishable from every other bedroom. 

All of the good memories she had here were from when she and Aaron were young. When they ran around the halls whilst both of their mothers worked their vastly different jobs that had brought them together. She could still hear their laughter sometimes, echoing around the meticulously decorated halls, an innocent echo from before life had got in the way, back when they were too young to understand what the world had in store for them. 

“Emily!”

She smiles as she almost immediately walks into Dave. He was her mother’s friend, one of her advisors first and foremost, and, whether he liked it or not, a father figure for both Emily and Aaron. Her father had died when she was young, her memories of him hazy now, and Aaron’s had died when he was 15, his liver finally giving out. Dave was almost always around and always willing to hand out advice, however unwanted it might be. 

“Dave,” she says, pulling him into a hug, chuckling when he kisses her cheek, “How are you?”

“I’m okay, nothing ever changes for me,” he says, shrugging as he pulls back, “More importantly how are you? Didn’t you only get back a few hours ago?” 

She chuckles and nods, crossing her arms over her chest, “Yeah, I’m not even unpacked yet.”

“To be fair, Bella, you could be back for a few weeks and you still wouldn't be unpacked,” he quips, laughing when she sticks are tongue out at him, “Have you seen Aaron yet?”

She shakes her head, “No, I only just arrived. Is he here?” 

Dave smiles, a slight tightness to it she doesn’t fully understand, “I was just talking to him,” he says, reaching out and patting her on the shoulder, “I should go mingle, but if I see him I’ll let him know you’re here.” 

“Thanks, I’ll see you later?” 

Dave nods before he walks off, already being called over by someone Emily recognises as one of her mother’s friends. She sighs as she steps further into the party and she immediately grabs a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing member of wait staff. She takes a big gulp, humming gratefully as she swallows before she goes on the hunt for her best friend. She isn’t looking for long, and she can’t help but smile when she sees him. 

“Aaron!” 

He turns at the sound of her voice and she waves at him, her cheeks warming as he smiles widely and makes excuses to whoever he is talking to before he leaves them, immediately joining her.

“Em,” he says, walking over, his smile getting wider as he walks towards her. She feels her stomach flip and she has to blow out a steady breath as he gets closer. She somehow always managed to forget how handsome he was, how the dimples in his cheeks always drew her in, a part of her always itching to see if they would fit her thumbs perfectly, a place to hold him close as she pressed a kiss to his lips, “I’m so glad you made it. How are you?”

“I’m good,” She replies, and presses her lips together to suppress a smile, “I’d rather not be here right now, but you know what my mom is like,” she says, shrugging nonchalantly, “It’s just easier if I came. Plus this way I get to see you.” 

He looks her up and down as if he was reading her mind, and sometimes she worried he could. So in tune with her in a way no one else ever had been that it felt nothing short of a miracle that he’d never figured out how she felt about him. 

“Are you sure you’re not tired?” He asks, concern bleeding into his tone, his eyebrows furrowing together as he reaches out for her, his hand landing on her arm, his touch burning her in a way she’s sure tinges her cheeks pink. “You don’t seem like yourself.” 

“I’m fine,” She shrugs again, her smile turning into a smirk as she ignores just how tired she truly feels, “You know what I always say -jet lag is a choice.” 

“Jet lag is a choice,” he says at the same time as her and she rolls her eyes. He chuckles and pulls her into a hug, “Maybe for you,” he says, squeezing her tightly before he steps back, “But for us mere mortals it’s very much a reality. “I missed you.”

She smiles, and she feels warm, love for him spreading through her body, her skin tingling under where his hands lingered on her back, his hands so warm she could feel it through her dress. 

“I missed you too. A lot,” she says, and she bites her lip, suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to tell him how she feels, or to at least allude to it. She isn’t sure if it’s proximity after months apart, or the jet lag she’d denied the existence of, but any reason she’d previously had not to tell him disappears. She feels a spark of bravery, or potentially stupidity, and she finds herself speaking before she can stop herself, “Aaron, I-”

“There you are!”

She’s cut off by a voice she doesn’t recognise, and her attention is caught by a blonde woman appearing behind him, a slightly sheepish smile on her face as she steps next to Aaron. He turns and looks at her, his smile faltering ever so slightly as he looks nervous for a second before he turns back to Emily. 

“Hi,” he says to the woman next to him before he turns to Emily, “This is Haley,” he says, smiling at Emily before he looks at Haley, “This is Emily.”

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Haley says, offering her hand out to shake Emily’s, who takes it, her smile never faltering as she looks back between the two of them, the political training she’d had ever since she could talk coming in useful as her gut churns, “Aaron speaks so highly of you.” 

Emily takes a moment to look Haley up and down. She was pretty. Petite and gorgeous in a way that reminded her of all the girls she’d never quite fit in with at school. Her blonde hair came to just shy of her shoulders, and her smile was frustratingly kind. Emily feels a pit start to form in her stomach, memories of Aaron’s college girlfriend, Kate, who looked incredibly similar hitting her in full force as she finds herself coming to a conclusion that she hopes isn’t correct. 

She chuckles humourlessly and releases Haley’s hand, looking back and forth between them, “Well, he’d better,” she jokes, “I’ve known him since he was 7 I have a lot of dirt on him.” They all laugh, Emily’s polite more than genuine, and she waits for a moment to see if Aaron will say anything, but he doesn’t, the nervous awkwardness he sometimes had that she’d usually find endearing annoying her. She looks back at Haley, “I’m sorry, who are you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at one of these events before.” 

Haley looks up at Aaron who clears his throat and nods, looking over at Emily, something in his eyes that she doesn’t recognise, and it’s enough to confirm what she’d already been thinking. 

“Haley is my girlfriend.” 

-x-

Tag List:

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Join my tag list here!

[maximoffromanoffs]

Christmas with Aunt Scar

Given that it's only been a month since aunt scar's birthday and so now three since my dad went away for half a year to work, to nobody's surprise I'm still with my aunt scar for Christmas, and it's Christmas Eve right now.

I know she wants me to feel okay and included and like I'm just a part of the family, but I don't, she's my family but I'm not a part of her little family unit. Colin's not my dad, rose and Cosmo aren't my siblings, and she's not my mom. And I have to remind myself of that fact every single day I stay with her.

Because she really acts the part.

But then a big holiday like Christmas comes around and I'm suddenly surrounded by a bunch of 'family members' who aren't a part of mine, and technically shouldn't be.

It's the night of Christmas Eve, and we've just finished eating our dinner. Rose and Cosmo running off to go to the couch so they can put some of their favourite Christmas movies on, while Scarlett, Colin and I tidy up the dishes.

Colin randomly starts laughing making me and aunt scar share a confused look, before colin mumbles out "better go keep an eye on those two, who knows what they'll do in there," making us still look at him confused. "Guys" he says exasperatedly, "they're little. There's presents in there. Come on!" His attitude making me and Scarlett share a laugh at him as she then pats his shoulder telling him "you go watch them then, save Christmas!" While giving him her signature smirk.

He leaves the room sulking at us laughing at him being so dramatic. We finish up cleaning and aunt scar turns to me with a fond look "you excited for Christmas, sweet girl?" Making me give a non-enthusiastic nod towards her.

She steps forwards, cupping my cheeks in her hands, as she directs my eyes to look into hers. We spend just a moment looking into each other's eyes, we've always felt pretty connected in this sense, and it's what helps us to understand one another so well.

Scarlett whispers "you know you can be honest with me y/n," making my face scrunch up a little but nodding none the less. "I'm not going to force you to talk to me, darling, but I'm here, okay? If you want to talk. If you miss your dad. If you want a cuddle. Maybe you want a distraction. Literally anything. You tell me, because you've not opened up a lot since you've been staying with me, and I want to be here for you, for whatever you need. And these times of the year have to harder for you, especially without your dad, so you can always tell me about those things baby."

I just melt into her hands which are still gently cupping my cheeks, giving her a soft nod, not quite feeling up to talking about it right now.

"Tell you what, why don't we go join the others, watch a few films and just chill for a bit and then maybe we can chat?"

I nod showing her I agree with that idea, as Scarlett smiles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as she leads us into the living room.

As soon as she shifts to sit down Cosmo crawls onto her lap and Rose shuffles out of Colin's arms to rest against her mom's side instead. Colin gives a little huff as he gives her an offended look, but Rose is totally unbothered, giggling at his face, before stuffing her head into Scarlett's arm. "Okay is today officially laugh at Colin day? I know I usually make jokes but I haven't tried to TODAY"

I laugh at them all, still not having sat down yet, but I do ruffle Rose's hair and in response to Colin I utter "she just wanted her mom, can't blame her for that."

What I forgot that I'd get in response from these two is four concerned eyeballs looking my way. At me saying that, Colin shuffles away from the side of Scarlett that Rose isn't currently latched into like a koala, as he pats the newly made space for me to sit down.

Y/n: "Oh um Colin it's okay I can just sit over there, I don't want to intrude."

C: "Intrude? Honey you're not intruding at all, come on come sit"

He pats the space between them again, so I take him up on his offer this time, shuffling to sit between them.

Once we're all comfortable I hear aunt scar let out a big content sigh, before she mumbles "oh my babies, I love you all so very much." As she kisses Cosmo's head, then Rose's cheek, then my cheek, after leaning over to press a peck to Colin's lips.

We stay all snuggled up while we watch a few movies before it's time for the littles to go to bed.

Aunt scar stands up and claps looking rather excited, "okay my dears, time to get the cookies and milk for Santa!" Rose squeals in excitement as she jumps up, grabbing Cosmo's hand and pulling him over to the Christmas tree.

I cant lie, i may be 17, but I never really had anyone do all of these traditions with me. I can't remember ever leaving food for Santa.

So despite not standing up and following Rose and Cosmo, I do keep an eye on them from afar. I see how my aunt scar speaks with such belief and imagination, making this fun for her kids.

I notice she's getting ready to put them to bed so she says "come on kiddos, bed time, we can go have a story then we need to go to bed so Santa will come!!"

What I don't expect is Rose to tilt her head towards me saying "sissy come on, you have to come too!" I give her a smile, letting her grab my hand and pull me upstairs, while Scar picks Cosmo up and carries him on her hip.

We all sit down on Rose's bed where apparently she demanded Cosmo has to stay with her tonight too, so Scarlett let's them sit and then they shuffle onto her lap when she sits. She pats the space next to her for me to sit too, which I do.

When Colin joins us, sitting a little further down the bed since we can't all fit next to each other, Cosmo scrambles over to sit on his lap instead. So now having some free space Scarlett pulls my body to rest against her side but I decide to keep my head up.

They start to tell a story, not even reading from a book, simply coming up with it on the spot. Scarlett and Colin take turns, Rose and Cosmo half-heartedly listening along. But as someone who never had a story made up for them, I can't help but stare at whoever's speaking, completely intrigued and feeling whole as my aunt and Colin heal a part of me I didn't even know had a hole.

While they're telling the story, I don't even realise that I let my head fall to rest on aunt scar's chest, her fingers intertwined with mine as I fiddle with them subconsciously. My eyes and head unknowingly turn to gaze up at her while she's speaking so animatedly, and automatically shifting along to Colin when he so effortlessly takes over. It's only when I shift my gaze back to aunt scar once again, and she turns her head to connect eyes with me, that I look away blushing, keeping my eyes down and just snuggling into her chest.

They stop a few minutes after that since Rose and Cosmo had gotten really sleepy, so they shift to place them under the covers, Rose mumbling "goodnight," and Cosmo copying her with a "nigh-nigh" Colin kisses both of their heads before heading to the doorframe of the room, and Scarlett follows with a "goodnight my darlings," pressing kisses all over her kids faces, including Rose's pouting lips which makes her give a cute little sleepy giggle, and reminds me so much of me and her and i was Rose's age myself. Almost making me miss the woman who's literally standing right in front of me, which sounds so silly.

Just before Rose turns over to go to sleep she whispers "night night sissy, you better sleep soon so Santa comes."

That makes me smile as I gently kiss both of their heads too, reassuring Rose I will go to sleep soon, as we leave them to get some rest before the big day.

As we walk out, I turn to go to my room, which is just across from aunt Scarlett and Colin's, but a hand around my waist stops me. Before I know it, I'm being picked up, which honestly makes me gasp, not expecting that and also not expecting someone to be able to pick me up and comfortably carry me.

I'm readjusted and just by the feeling I know it's my aunt, as she now holds me against her front, my legs around her waist and my head against her shoulder. She starts to move us towards her door instead, where she then playfully chucks me onto the bed, us both laughing at what just happened.

"Aunt scar why'd you bring me in here?" I ask as I shuffle to snuggle against her pillow, she smiles at me moving towards me so that she can rest a hand on my hair, "just wanted you close to me" she mumbles while leaning down to kiss my forehead.

Since we're already ready for bed, she wastes no more time so she crawls into bed right next to me. We both share her pillow which makes her scrunch her nose at me when she lays her face right in from of mine.

Scar leans forward brushing her nose against mine as we both have massive idiotic smiles. She then smirks before whispering "you better go to sleep otherwise Santa won't come," following that with a wink. I giggle at her shifting to get up, aunt scar frowns saying "are you leaving baby?" Me just looking at her nodding saying "I was going to go to bed," she gives a little nod before she says "you want me to come stay with you?"

I shrug, not expecting that but also not against the idea. I forget she's so good at reading me, I don't even have to say anything and she knows I'm not as okay as I'm pretending to be.

She gives me one last smile saying "alrighty I'll join you, just gonna say goodnight to Colin and then I'll be with you my love." Before I can leave the room I hear a little tut coming from her, making me turn to her, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. In response she simply puckers her lips. It's something we always used to do when I was little, especially around Christmas time because she used to stay with us before she even had Rose or when she was with her dad. It makes me laugh but I go over to her and peck her lips, to which she mumbles "thank you baby, I'll be there in five."

And this time I actually leave the room, my face bright red no doubt.

I accidentally drift off to sleep not even being able to wait the five minutes for her to come to my room, I stir a little when she joins me as she wraps an arm around my waist from behind, but she shushes me, kissing my temple, as I drift back off into a peaceful sleep. Feeling forever grateful that i have my aunt scar.

[lady-rose-moon]

Never grow up || Haven's life ||

A/N: hello everybody, I am back to give you this song fic I wrote! I will once again be disappearing after this but I do hope you enjoy this! This feels like an end of an era fic for me. My popularity grew with this fic and now... now I'm writing my first book and probably just doing rare fics in between. I hope you all enjoy, I love you all!

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: As Haven grows up, Loki struggles with accepting he's losing his little girl.

↣ MASTERLIST

The rush of doctors around Loki and you was overwhelming after hours in the delivery room, their sole focus on delivering your and Loki’s first child. Your little Haven. 

Still, after hours in the hospital, Haven was there and now, she was home for the first time, settled in Loki’s arms after her last meal of the day, eyes softly shut and dreaming.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreamin'

Loki’s smile softens as he stands from the chair and settles his daughter in her bed, kissing her tiny head and pulling the covers up her waist before flicking on a nightlight. 

So I tuck you in, turn on your favourite night light

Months later, Loki enjoys sitting beside his daughter, making spoons fly in front of her so she’d eat and her gorgeous giggles fill the cabin’s dining room. Loki watched his daughter with a smile as she laughed, finally eating the soft foods she was offered. Part of him wished to freeze time, to stay in this moment.

To you, everything's funny

You got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have honey

If you could stay like that

Sleepless nights came along with nightmares for little Haven, you and Loki taking shifts to keep her calm in the wake of one of them. Loki often held Haven in his arms even though she could walk, just wishing to keep her this small and adorable.

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

“Daddy come play with me!” Haven called from her bedroom and who was Loki to deny her request so the next few hours were spent with Loki bonding with his daughter.

“No, daddy, the monster is over there!” Haven shouted with a laugh, pointing her finger to Loki’s right as he teased her by turning left. “Silly daddy!” Haven laughed, shaking her head with a grin.

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

Haven was seven the first time she was hurt, being pushed by a child two years above her into a puddle. The impact cut her elbow and she cried until Loki came to get her. A day later, the boy moved schools after the father of the boy returned with a black eye.

I won't let nobody hurt you

Loki was there to comfort Haven the night she first got rejected at eight years old. She thought that boy would be the love of her life but he laughed at her in front of her class when someone shouted that she had a crush on the boy. So, Loki took hours speaking to Haven about how special she was and how undeserving the boy was if he couldn’t tell that she was special.

I won't let nobody hurt you

The day Thor accidentally left Haven and Kore alone after spending a day with them was the worst day for Loki as it instilled trust issues in his daughter that he had hoped wouldn’t grow. 

“He left us,” Haven sobbed, wiping her tears as Loki could do nothing but hug her and Kore closer, “he said we’d be okay ‘till you got home.”

“Don’t worry, little one,” Loki whispered in a comforting voice, “Uncle Thor won’t be babysitting until he’s off the hook with me and your grandmother.”

And no one will desert you

The night of Haven’s birthday, after the ten-year-old had gone to bed with Kore, Loki sat down on the sofa of the cabin with you in his arms, frowning at how much time had passed in what seemed like a blink of an eye.

Just try to never grow up

Never grow up

“Do you have to drop me off?” Haven asked, gazing over at you driving the car, running her hand through her raven haired locks before pulling the hood further over her hair to hide her eyes, “I could have walked.”

“You would have had to walk down the mountain,” you reply softly, looking over to Haven with a frown before smiling and watching the road again, “plus it might be fun to meet your friends? You don’t talk about school lately…”

Haven huffed and looked out the window, resting her head in her palm, “maybe because I don’t want to? Look… can you just… drop me off around the block? I said I’d be getting the bus.”

Hurt, you held back tears as you drove to the side of the cinema and watched Haven get out of the car. “I love you,” you try but your only answer is a smile and the closing of a door. Tears welling up in your eyes, you put the car in drive and leave her to her friends to go home to your husband and cry.

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mum's droppin' you off

At fourteen, there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

“She’s getting older, Y/N, this was bound to happen,” Loki whispered to you comfortingly when you got in later that day, gently trailing his hand down your back as he pressed kisses to your forehead, “she’ll realise soon…”

“But we’re getting older too!” you protested, sobs heaving in your throat as you held onto your husband for dear life, “we’re losing our baby girl.”

Loki looked over to the kitchen and frowned as his mind played a memory of Haven at eleven years old singing to Asgardian songs as she got ready for school, still completely in her pyjamas. He remembered how he would scoop her up and force her to get into her uniform through her laughing and kicking legs. A tear dripped down his cheek as he realised that that little girl was slipping away.

Remember that she's gettin' older too

And don't lose the way that you dance

Around in your PJs getting ready for school

A year later, while attending an Asgardian ball, Loki could see that Haven was no longer interested in dancing and singing like she once was, preferring to lean against a pillar and watch with disinterest. The God of Mischief’s heart broke as he remembered that look, it was the look he saw in the mirror before his life became happier. Haven wasn’t happy.

Resolving to breaking her out of this slump, Loki walked over to her and bowed as he held out her hand. “A father-daughter dance never hurt anybody,” he whispered, hoping that Haven would see his offer of a dance as a fun thing and he was surprised when she took his hand. 

Walking onto the dance floor, the dance began slow but after a few minutes, Loki saw a smile form on his daughter’s face and she began to melt into the dance, singing in Asgardian as she twirled and danced with her father. The old Haven was still there, she just… wasn’t happy. 

In those moments that he danced with his daughter, she was young and happy again. Innocent and joyful. He ended the dance with a hug and felt how Haven hesitated before hugging him back. 

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

The first time Loki and Haven properly argued was over her new boyfriend. Something about him set Loki off and he didn’t agree. It broke Loki’s heart to see his daughter cry and it hurt even more when she screamed ‘I hate you’ at him and ran to her room.

But, it paid off when Haven came home days later and announced that she had broken up with him. That night, Loki had to prevent the guy coming to murder his daughter and when he was declared missing, Haven didn’t even flinch. Loki had shown her his intent and she knew she deserved better.

And no one's ever burned you

Nothing's ever left you scarred

“Haven will you just do as you’re told, I don’t ask for much!” you pleaded with Haven as she glared at you. “Why is something so simple as shovelling the snow from the driveway such a battle?” you whispered, watching Haven bristle and sneer.

“Because it’s the world’s worst job, Y/N,” Haven growled and you flinched when she used your name, it’d been happening often lately but this hurt so much more, “I can’t wait to move out. I hate this place.”

With that, she stormed outside and did the driveway and left you to collapse to your knees in grief.

And even though you want to

Just try to never grow up

“I’m moving out.”

Those three words broke Loki’s and your heart. Haven seemed so sure of herself as she spoke, her eyes never leaving yours because you knew she’d cry if she looked at Loki.

“Sweetheart…” you whispered softly, reaching for her but she took a step back to avoid your touch.

“I’ve made up my mind and I have an accommodation set up for University in New York. I’m leaving Norway, this cabin… you,” she finished before nodding and walking into her bedroom. 

Once inside, Haven looked around her bedroom and heaved a sob as she saw the photos on the wall that Loki had always stuck up when he had taken them. She saw how the amount of photos lessened until there were none of her with her parents at her current age. The young goddess also noted how much her smile faded through the photos before it was fully gone on her seventeenth birthday. That was the last picture. 

She walked over to her wardrobe and found her old mp3 player that she had given to Kore who loved songs like Taylor Swift or MCR. She remembered the birthdays where Loki would walk up to her room to cuddle her, remembered how the footsteps used to excite her but now, she denied him access to her room. She hadn’t been cuddled since her sixteenth birthday. Her friends told her it was weird, after all, and she valued their opinions. 

She didn’t see how much this had torn her away from her family.

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favourite songs

Three months later, the room she had grown up in was now down to the bare minimum. The photos were gone, the wardrobe was empty, her TV was gone, her fairy lights taken down and packed and even the pretty curtains were down to be taken to her accommodation. 

Standing in her room now, the realisation that she was leaving hit Haven hard as tears formed in her eyes.

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

“And you’re sure you’ll be okay?” you ask for the last time as Haven hounds you out of the accommodation, a frown etched into your lips, “are you sure you wish to live here?”

“Yes, mother, I am fine,” Haven replied through clenched teeth before she looked at Loki and her lip trembled. “Thank you… daddy… for always being there for me,” she whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

Loki wanted to reach out, to cuddle his daughter and hold her tight. But he couldn’t, she wasn’t his little girl anymore. “It was my pleasure, Haven,” Loki replied softly, his eyes filling with tears as he guided you to the front door, “please… don’t feel afraid to come home if you get homesick… even for a night…”

Haven studied Loki before she nodded and whispered, “I promise.”

With a nod, Loki left the accommodation with you. Once the door closed, Haven’s heart screamed at her to go with them but she didn’t. She held strong. She was her own person now.

The breeze through the window shocked her and she closed it gently but the cold remained even when she cranked on the old radiator. Tears falling down her cheeks, Haven retreated under her covers and flicked her wrist to turn on her nightlight that she’d kept all these years.

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on

As she drifted off to sleep, her mind sang to her ‘wish I’d never grown up, I wish I’d never grown up’.

The next time she saw her parents was two months later on her birthday, she hugged them close and cried, apologising for her coldness and ignorance. She had missed them so much. They were surprised but accepted her love all the same. She needed their love like a child. 

Oh, I don't wanna grow up

Wish I'd never grown up

Could still be little

“Dad come play in the snow!” she called a year later on her Christmas break, the snow had just set and who was Loki to deny his daughter a game in the snow?

The resulting snowball fight lasted two hours - with breaks for hot chocolate - and ended when Haven’s Jötunn form came through to protect her from the cold. 

Still, she’d had so much fun, such a simple game yet so very close to her heart.

Oh, I don't wanna grow up

Wish I'd never grown up

It could still be simple

The rush of doctors around Haven and Zachary was overwhelming after hours in the delivery room, their sole focus on delivering their first child. Their little Idunn. 

Still, after hours in the hospital, Idunn was there and now, she was home for the first time, settled in Haven’s arms after her last meal of the day, eyes softly shut and dreaming.

Just like her father before her, Haven stared down at her child with overwhelming love and a need to protect her. A need to keep her close. She finally understood why her parents were so hurt when she was distant. She realised she would have to face this soon so she leaned down and sang to her daughter, “oh, Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up, Don't you ever grow up, Just stay this little, Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up, Don't you ever grow up, It could stay this simple, I won't let nobody hurt you, Won't let no one break your heart, And even though you want to, Please try to never grow up.”

In the silence of the baby’s bedroom, Haven’s song drifted peacefully away into silence as her baby slept.

Oh, oh

Don't you ever grow up

Oh (never grow up)

Just never grow up

~~~~

@lokisgoodgirl @lokisninerealms @evelyn-kingsley @slpnbty2001 @jennyggggrrr @hahaha12123445 @ozymdias @holdmytesseract @itsybitchylittlewitchy @lovingchoices14 @xorpsbane @huntress-artemiss @muddyorbs @nerdy-fangirl-65 @lonadane @silverfire475 @chantsdemarins @iamsherlocked1479 @kittiowolf210 @just-someone11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting @loki-laufeyson-1054 @fictive-sl0th @coldnique @anukulee @eleniblue

[operationfortune]

Okay I know this post will gain absolutely zero traction but the more I think about it the more I want to cry about it??

slight spoilers for one of the character arcs in Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre ahead,,,

So I saw Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre in the cinema today. I was alone, it was reasonably full, the film technically only opened two days ago, and it's wider release isn't for another week, but I had time to kill and it was the only thing that piqued my interest. It sits in an interesting spot tonally, comparative, I'd say, to Netflix Exclusive Michael Bay movie 6 Underground, though to use a more recent marker I'd drop it somewhere near Bullet Train (though it's definitely much closer to 6 Underground). All this context to say that I went into this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie with zero expectations and almost completely blind.

So please believe me when I say I was truly blindsided with joy to have canonical, casual queer representation in this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie.

Maybe it's that I don't watch a lot of media now, but it's something I noticed while watching Glass Onion too, both with Benoit and Hugh Grant (ha, put a pin in that) and especially with the character of Peg, and it makes me a bit teary and excited when I think about it. There's something to be said for how far we've come, to the point that Casual Queer Rep is even possible. There's something about watching Peg get all flustered talking to Helen and knowing that it's because she has a crush, without it having to be flagged, spelled out, or otherwise othered by the film or its writing.

It's normalised.

Which I know shouldn't be a big deal, but right now, to me, it is. I didn't realise I could feel this way; to see a full character who just so happens to be gay, where the plot doesn't revolve around her being gay, but that part of her identity is still made clear?? I love Peg so much holy shit.

But Glass Onion is the second in a series that has established itself as a forerunner for casual diversity. Let me tell you about how Operation Fortune made me want to YELL in theatres.

It's the 8th of January, and it might be a bit early to call it, but Danny Francesco might be my favourite character of the year.

Is he perfect? God no, he's objectively not a great person; he's sleeping with his sister-in-law, he's a Hollywood diva, he's demanding, and he (spoilers, seriously) ends up engaged to a war criminal. Who happens to be the main antagonist. Who happens to be Hugh Grant. Danny is the light of my life, however, and I love him with my whole heart.

So in the beginning we're told that Danny turned down $10m because he didn't want to jump out of Greg (Hugh Grant)'s cake and sing Happy Birthday; whatever, I thought, Greg is a rich, eccentric with an obsession with celebrities, and Danny is the biggest star right now, I shouldn't read anything into it because Sometimes Rich People Just Do Things For Status Reasons. We're also told, and subsequently shown, Greg tries to take celebrity's partners/girlfriends. Cue Sarah (Aubrey Plaza) in a bright red dress that I will dream about for the next month.

Also, in the scene where Danny, Sarah, and Orson (Jason Statham) are joining the fancy party, there's some distinctly fruity vibes between the three of them, but I'm not here to push my Orson/Sarah/Danny polycule agenda, just know that I have one.

So obviously Greg is excited to see Danny, but later makes a Very Distinct Pass at Sarah, inviting both her and Danny to stay with him for the weekend, with an implied Wink Wink Nudge Nudge.

While they end up taking him up on that offer, Danny, who started the film having refused Greg's Rich Weirdo Request, and now having to spend time with him for the job, finds that he actually genuinely likes Greg, who appears to genuinely like him back, doting on him, even giving him gifts.

When Danny says to Sarah "(I'm paraphrasing, about Greg) he's really into you! If you don't take him up on his offer then I might!" my eyeballs were Out Of My Head. Like sure it sounds like a joke that would be written in to simply highlight Danny's materialism, a whole 'gay for pay' joke, something about his vanity, or even just an offhand joke that I might hear one of my straight friends who were super comfortable and confident in their sexuality say about their best friends, I was So primed for this to be something that the audience could laugh off or dismiss in hindsight. Like in my mind that solidified my headcanon of Danny as bi, but I was so used to queerbaiting and years of being told I was reading into things.

So as the plot continues, Danny's fondness for Greg goes on, turns into something incredibly genuine, and looking back, he clearly has a hero-worship crush on Greg by the end of the film.

The last shot we see of Danny and Greg is the pair of them getting into an elevator after Greg pulls a stone cold power move on the films secondary antagonists, which he had Danny assist with for flare after Danny asked specifically to stay with him for that event. In the elevator, Danny tells Greg that that was "the coolest thing he's ever seen someone do" and that's the last we physically see of them.

HOWEVER!! THE ICING!! THE CHERRY!!

At the very end of the film, one of the protagonists mentions how he's gone into the film industry, and the response he gets is;

"You better not be talking about Danny Francesco and his fiancee Greg Simmonds!"

an accurate depiction of me as the credits began to roll;

WE WIN THESE!!

BOTH DANNY AND GREG ARE CANONICALLY BI/PAN IN THIS JASON STATHAM-LEAD ESPIONAGE ACTION MOVIE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023!! THEY BOTH LIVE UNTIL THE END!! THEY'RE ENGAGED!! THEY'RE BOTH ABSOLUTE DISASTERS!! THEY'RE BOTH FULL, ROUNDED CHARACTERS WHO HAPPEN TO BE QUEER!!

I get choked up thinking about it now, considering how quietly overwhelmed I felt in the theatre realising that Danny and Greg's comments and moments throughout the film weren't some elaborate joke, the dialogue that reminds me of my friends, the moments that felt true to my life as a queer person, they werent the setup for any kind of homophobic mixup, miscommunication, or microaggression; no, I finally, actually felt like I saw a part of myself, of my community represented in media.

Everyone in that movie is terrible in their own way, but Danny and Greg just happened to be terrible people who are also queer. Are they perfect representation? No! Thank fuck! I think we deserve more dumbass, disaster, unethical queers in media.

Even if I don't necessarily recommend this movie (it's pretty okay if you're a fan of the genre I suppose), I subjectively love it and especially it's characters, with my whole entire heart.

Danny Francesco is canonically a dumbass, bi disaster who fell for his sugar daddy, war criminal Hugh Grant. Good for him. It's what he deserves. 🥰🥰🥰

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #231

Do you like to cuddle with your S.O. or do you prefer your space? I like to cuddle with him, so long as I'm not hot. If I'm hot, don't touch me.

What TV shows do you watch on a regular basis? None.

What is the last thing you scribbled down on a Post-It note? I have no idea.

Do you care if your produce is organic or not? No, not really.

Do you have any children? If so, how old were you when you had them? If not, do you think you ever will? No, I most likely never will.

Do you get enough calcium? To my knowledge, yeah. I've always liked milk.

Are you nosy? Dude I am so nosy and I know I am. It ain't gotta have nothing to do with me, I just like knowing shit lmao

Are you happy with the size of your bedroom? Yeah.

Where was the last place you went that was totally new to you, as in, it was the first time you’d been there? A primarily sushi place for Mom's birthday. I tried something else (there was no way I was eating sushi), some Thai dish, and it was horrible, I had to eat something when I got home.

When was the last time you used someone else’s computer? Girt's actually, last time we hung out. Long story short and to make it understandable to people who don't play, I was storing certain things in WoW in case I ever do come back to the game.

What’s the relationship status of the last person you talked to? Divorced/single.

Do you say sorry first? If I believe I'm wrong, yes. I am not one to easily say sorry first if I believe I did nothing wrong.

Who will you be spending Christmas with this year? Without fail my mom, and unless something is seriously stopping us we go to my older sister's place, and usually Nicole (my other, younger sister) is there too. I'd like to see Girt, but we usually don't on Christmas day, we spend time with our immediate families.

Did you go to high school with your current best friend? Yes.

Have you ever been a passenger in a semi-trailer truck? No.

Whose was the last funeral you attended? I don't think I've ever been to a funeral, just a wake.

Do you avoid using public restrooms? I try to, yes. But if I seriously gotta go, I gotta go.

Have you seen any extended relatives in the last month? No, I barely ever see extended family. None live in North Carolina.

Do you like eggnog? Nooooooooooooo.

Who is the person you dislike the most? Of people who are actually in my life still, Nick.

Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? I absolutely would if I had an income. I don't have disability checks, I don't have anything. I literally get money on Christmas and my birthday, that's it.

Do you know anyone with celiac disease? I have a cousin with it, yes. I think her mom also has it.

How many siblings do you have? Are they all full siblings? I have two full-blooded sisters, one half-brother, and technically three half-sisters, but one I have never met or spoken to or know almost anything about.

What’s the weather like today? Raining cats and dogs on-and-off, windy. We have a hurricane.

How do you usually celebrate New Years? Occasionally Mom and/or I will have a drink, and that's pretty much the extent of it.

Do you currently have any alarms set? Not right this minute, but at bedtime I've been setting an 10:30-11:00 A.M. alarm lately. I've been sleeping in too late.

Do you like whiskey? Meh, I can have some in mixed drinks. I don't particularly like the flavor, but I don't like the flavor of alcohol period, so...

What type of milk do you like to drink? 2% or whole.

Do you have a first aid kit at home? Yes.

Are your parents dog or cat people? Is that different or the same as you? Mom's a dog person. Dad, I'm not sure. He has a cat and loves him, but we also had dogs while he was still with my family, so idk. I'm a cat person.

What’s your favourite flavour of potato chip? Just plain/salted, honestly. I do like salt & vinegar and french onion, though.

Would you ever get a matching tattoo with someone? Maybe my mom.

What is your Chinese zodiac animal? Rat, I think.

What form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you're currently interested in? Discord.

Do you want to see someone right now? Yeah, I saw Girt like... two days ago and I still really miss him.

What was the last thing you looked up on YouTube? Powerwolf's new album, I think.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No.

Do you actually love your parents? Yes. I don't know where the hell I'd be without my mom.

What pattern do the sheets on your bed have? They're just plain white.

Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I don't wear underwear with my pajamas, that's so non-cozy lmao

Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Sure do. I WILL with Girt, but I'd still prefer not to.

Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I've been through the ringer.

Do you spend more time outside or inside? Inside, it's no competition.

Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? TV, easy. I don't even watch it on my own, only with Mom or Girt.

Last person to make you seriously mad? Tobey.

Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody.

What kind of toothpaste do you use? Crest.

What were you doing this morning at 1am? Most likely sleeping. A flash flood warning woke me up at some point, though.

Have you used a tissue today? Yes, my allergies have been out of this fucking world today.

The last person that slept in your bed gets arrested, what do you do? Cry extremely hard and figure out what the hell happened, try to reach him over phone if he's allowed. I'd have no guess what he got arrested for.

When people ask "how are you?" do you say "good" even if you aren't? No. I don't info-dump, I just don't think there's shame in sharing that you're not doing great.

How was your Friday? Tomorrow is Friday, so the kids should be coming over while their parents work. I don't have a book to read right now, so it's gonna be a long day. I do like Fridays though, at least it's something different, I just get stressed out by kids too easily.

Did you speak to your father today? No, it's been a minute.

What was the last thing you drank? Raspberry lemonade flavored water.

How did you wake up this morning? Tornado warning alert. There's been three or four actual tornadoes touch down in the area since last night, but so far my city has been gratefully spared.

Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No.

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Girt.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom.

Do you know anyone that is gothic? I have a friend, as well as me, at heart at least. I definitely feel like I fit the gothic aesthetic ideally and emotionally, I just can't be bothered to dress up (that and I can't afford stuff like that), and I HATE putting on makeup.

Have you seen UP? I've seen I think most of it.

How is your mom? Stressed, always.

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches? HELL no.

Have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? Yes, I didn't get the appeal at all.

Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding, so long it's chocolate.

Last time you ate a salad? It's been a long while. I don't really like salads.

Have you ever been described as “adorable”? It's been said before.

Are you a moody person? I can be, yes.

What are you listening to? I'm watching 8-BitRyan play Into The Pit.

What video game could you waste the most time on? It WAS World of Warcraft, but I've stopped playing it. It's the main reason I've been doing more surveys lol, I'm fighting to find other ways to kill time.

[myonmukyuu]

Art Summary: 2022

It's that time of year again! This makes my 9th year of art summaries... Kind of insane to think about.

It's been a very eventful year and I have a lot to say. Extended art performance review under the cut 👌 (3k words lmao)

Previous: 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

ABOUT THE COMIC:

So! What happened this year? Well, my book happened. I'm not sure if anything else happened ahfhasjkdkasf

See, I actually cheated this art summary a tiny bit. Usually I use the upload date of the art to place it in the summary. But if I did that for this year, there would be at least 4 blank spots. That's why February, April and May all feature different pages of the same comic (CH 9).

I really did spend the first half of the year finishing my comic. I only released 2 chapters too (the finale and the epilogue). In March I took a week and a half off to work on a short for Ayumu's birthday, but otherwise slaved all the way until June for the webcomic.

Then I spent July and August doing all of the redrawing and edits required for a physical release. Those who have a copy of my book might already know but the first two chapters have been redrawn. I also had to go through the entire comic, fixing it so that it could actually be printed (because the webcomic version definitely can't be printed as it is.) It was super time-consuming. Like, I can't even begin to describe. Moving forward I'll try to draw every comic so that it's printable from the beginning so I don't have to deal with reformatting ever again...

I'm pretty sure it was in August that I had the first copy of the book done. Then the preordering period opened in Septemeber... and now we're here! People are just now starting to receive their books. Sorry it took so long guys ;w;

I'm very happy though... Depending on who you ask, 100 sales might not be a lot, but it's a lot to me. To think that so many people would spend the money to buy this kind of product is just so surprising to me... It's expensive and all of the content is already available to read for free!!! So it's really surprising and I'm so incredibly grateful. That's why I went through the trouble of creating that golden special print for everyone! It was quite a bit of money out of my pocket, but I really wanted to show my appreciation.

As a side note, the 100 sales were really exhausting to pack. My body was sore in November because of it LMAO

So I'd say this year was great for my comic! Both its webcomic finale and its physical release. But this summary isn't meant to be about my comic, it's supposed to be about my art and me as an artist.

ABOUT MY ART:

So how did my art go this year?

Looking back I feel nothing but exhaustion. I know I'm happy to have my comic released but, my body and mind is still very very tired. I feel like I took at least 2-3 weeks off or more from work throughout the year to keep the comic on track. It's just a huge undertaking.

What I'm getting at is I feel a tired and... a little disappointed. But don't get me wrong, I don't feel regret! It's just that... well every artist draws for their own reasons. For me, I love getting my ideas and stories out there. So I guess I felt creatively-starved spending about half a year polishing and releasing an already-complete product. Also technically starved - you don't really see much improvement if all you're doing is cleaning up art. I didn't really have a lot of time to draw because of the physical release so I often felt like I wasn't doing enough.

And honestly that's my main sentiment. While I feel happy and satisfied with releasing the book, another part of me feels like she didn't do enough.

In terms of technical skill, I definitely saw improvement this year. It's like something clicked in me and I had a better understanding of atmospheric lighting. CH 9 and the epilogue are probably some of my favourite bits of colouring I've ever done. I just love how it turned out. In CH 9, the gradual setting of the sun to create this orange/pink/purple colour palette was so fun to implement. And in the Epilogue, this blue/green/yellow rainy day came out perfectly. It was a rainy day, but unlike CH 7, it wasn't a dreary downpour but something more hopeful instead. I have a love for creating atmosphere and especially through colour. And I think I did well there.

In the realm of black/white, I also feel lots of improvement! I'm becoming more confident with monochrome and am starting to push it further. I'm not satisfied with my skill level, but I think it's promising. I may be more confident with creating tone through colour, but I'm sure I can do the same without it!

This year I also did quite a bit of painting. I really love how the October and November artworks came out. Honestly it was around this point in the year, I had the most time to output works as the only comic work I had to do was purely admin (until I started packaging things in November). I could go into technical depth, but this post is long enough. Just know that I'm happy with the little leaps my colouring skills made.

GOALS FOR 2022:

For my art summaries, I've been doing a performance review styled thing where I create goals for the upcoming year. Let's take a look at what goals I wrote for 2022 and how I went with them.

“I want to finish my comic series”

Passed with flying colours! I think the comic release was a success. This goal is a little cheap of a goal though, since I don't think I'd let myself live it down if I gave up.

“I also want to continue to try things that are outside of my comfort zone. I want to see myself try things like different angles/perspectives and more complex backgrounds.”

Now this goal... I think I made progress here. I'm not sure if people noticed but I did definitely try to slip in different angles here and there. I'm particularly good at them... but I'm trying! And I think that's the least I can do. You won't get good at something if you don't try after all. That being said, I should push backgrounds more... I rarely do them 😅

"I want to do more illustrations/quick drawings on top of my comic work."

My comic work was suffocating a lot of the time. But I did try to draw on top of it. I haven't really talked about it, nor shown anyone, but I started learning copic markers this year (borrowed my friend's set!). So in the background I've been doing 30-60 minute traditional art exercises. I'm not terribly diligent, but diligent enough that I already think it's made an impact on my art. See, I'm only doing monochrome copic markers (I'm not confident enough to do colour just yet). I'm pretty sure doing monochrome markers has helped me with my manga skills 😂. I have a better understanding of tones and values because of it! Isn't that kind of amazing? Come to think of it, it's linked to the next goals.

"I want to learn to paint."

"I want to learn to draw faster."

While I still have a long way to go, somehow my marker exercises have helped me with these too. The understanding of tones/values has made an impact on coloured work and painting as well. And because I'm doing shorter pieces, my speed has increased a tiny bit. I'm sure if I keep at it, I can continue to develop better habits!

"I want to draft more quickly and be smarter about it."

Now this goal is something I have just been trying to mentally direct myself to. It's working... a little bit. I still need to try harder.

See, I think my drafting process is really slow and inefficient. This results in me spending too much time drawing a comic because I've drafted like 5 extraneous pages. If I wanna increase my output and lower my workload, I have to learn to be more clever with how I compose each page. I think I got a tiny bit better. Need to work harder on that for sure (it's quite hard to just "learn" though...)

MOVING FORWARD:

With the past year in mind, how do I want 2023 to go? To be honest, I still feel so exhausted because of 2022, I definitely need some time to recover, so let's not go too crazy next year.

But before I create my next goals, I wanted to talk about where I want to go in general - the grand scheme of things. Like I mentioned, I feel a lot of disappointment, like I wasn't doing enough. Which is contradictory because I also feel like I did too much with how exhausted I am... But the source of that disappointment is really tied in with how I feel about my art skill on a technical level.

I'm nearing a whole decade of hobby artist experience. And I don't feel like my art shows it. While there are things that I am better at, there's so much that I struggle with.

I want to become better. I want to improve.

It's hard to explain but I feel like I'm not doing the best I can for the stories I want to tell if I don't keep pushing and learning. And I love what I make, so I want to do those stories justice.

So it's really important to me that I keep trying to improve.

In the long term, I think my dream is to be like a pro-manga artist. Please don't make fun of me LMFAO. But there's more to it. See, I don't actually want to be a pro artist. I never want to compromise my creative vision for the sake of pandering to an audience. I sincerely think I wouldn't be able to succeed without doing that so I'm content with drawing as a hobby. A programmer as my day job and a manga artist by night...

I want to be as skilled as a pro some day though.

To be honest, I think the distance is so great that it's basically impossible. So my true goal is a little lower than that.

My true long-term goal is to be... a little comparable to a pro.

And I don't think I'm at that point. And I don't want to use "being a hobbyist" as an excuse to allow myself to remain like this.

I think it's terrifying actually. Where I'm at with my art.

I'm really happy people enjoy it, and don't get me wrong - I love my own work. I love drawing. But I think it's important to be critical of it - if I want to be able to reach my goals.

I think if people read this far, they might be thinking something like "but you're already so good!" or something to that effect. But I don't think it's true.

I think it's terrifying because there's so much I'm not good at. Comics are scary because they're an amalgamation of so many different skillsets. I possess some of these skills but there's just so many different ways that I feel that I'm lacking.

For instance, my art itself has such stiff lines. I'm not great at perspective. My art isn't dynamic. And this is just a few examples of stuff related to my illustration skills.

But comics are more than that.

There's the individual panel compositions that come together to create a unifying page composition. The visual flow - controlling how the reader scans the page. The storytelling skills - pacing, dialogue, story beats. The dialogue writing skills. The typesetting.

I think there's so many places I'm weak with and it's scary because it's difficult to just pick something to improve at when it feels like everything is wrong at once. It's so easy for me to pick up some manga from a shelf, flick through and think "this artist does x better than me, how can I learn from them?" but learning is hard and I'm not good at it so I'm just stuck with this awareness that I could be better.

But at the end of the day, I just have to pick a direction and go, right? I think that's all I can do and that's okay. It's just hard to shake the feeling of drowning in my own mediocrity.

Sorry I didn't mean to bring down the mood of this art summary.

I promise that at the end of the day that I love drawing. This is just my overly-critical side shining through. I don't have too much natural talent, just a very stubborn mind. I kind of need to be critical so I can push myself in the right direction. And I'm fairly happy with the way I've been pushing myself through these past years.

I'm not particularly fussed if my works receive a lot of traction or not because what's most important to me is the way I see my own work. My personal satisfaction.

And that's just tied with doing the best I can!

So with that in mind...

GOALS FOR 2023:

"Improve at atmospheric lighting"

This isn't particularly ambitious because it's something I'm already working on, but I know I can push lighting even further. So expect to see me experimenting more and more!

"Participate in a paid online course"

Now this is linked to my wall of text just now. I feel very overwhelmed so I think having an unbiased and experienced teacher's guidance could be valuable. I'm eyeing ones that include personalised feedback. The only concern is that it's hard to find the time for things like this when I work full-time.

Also it's a bit scary having a professional roast me, but I think it'd be good for me.

"Continue to practise traditionally"

This is linked to all of my technical art gripes. I think continuing to do traditional art exercises will help me with a lot of my weak points.

"Continue to be ambitious with art"

I don't mean ambition on a work-load level, but I want to continue to push out of my comfort-zone. Keep trying those weird angles and backgrounds, be more experimental!

"Start planning that next story"

I always have a billion different story ideas in my back pocket that I am itching to tell. I also don't wanna die of overwork though. So lets keep the bar low.

I have many great ideas, so I want to start outlining the next one! This is just a vague goal to remind myself to keep thinking ahead.

"Rest up."

I think this is the most important goal. Like I said I feel completely and utterly exhausted this year.

So I want Myon in 2023 to have more time for herself. Improve her health, catch up with her relationships, spend more time watching movies and playing video games.

Don't work too hard next year.

EXTRA REFLECTION:

I seriously don't know if anyone actually reads these reflections. I wonder what kind of person I come off across... (probably a try-hard 😂)

I wanted to talk about one more thing. It's not really linked to goals, just the future in general.

So I've been drawing for Nijigasaki for 2 years now. I think a lot of people are moving on from it though.

To be honest, I think that's okay. I'm kind of used to the people around me shifting into new interests. I think I'll still be with Niji for a long time to come. I just have a lot of large scale ideas and will probably stick with them unless something sweeps me off my feet.

I mean, even if my ideas take too long to actualise while I'm interested in Niji, I'm also open to converting things into original content. There are just so many stories to tell...

It makes me wonder why my readers enjoy my work and how they interact with it? Are people a fan of me? The ship/characters/fandom? Or the stories?

Probably some mix of the above. It's not terribly important why though.

I'm sorry that I'm not very good at keeping up with everyone's interests. I think the world moves too quickly and I draw too slow and I can barely keep up. But I'm a bit too stubborn with my own desires so I keep working on my own things without another thought. So maybe that apology is a bit empty eheh

But I hope people will continue to enjoy the stories that I make.

I should be less harsh on myself though. 9 years of art isn't something to just shrug off.

Anyways, before I keep rambling. Happy new year everyone. Let's keep working hard in 2023!

[bridgertonbabe]

ok but how did that whole tessa sophie gen ben convo play out bc these i'm just imagining these three women looking at each other like "is he fucking for real?? did he just say he's only fwb with her,.."

Lucy would immediately grab the arm of a passing waiter and order another round ("yeah we're gonna be here for a while yet") as Gen and Tessa start on Benedict, questioning just how dumb he is to not have realised his feelings for Sophie sooner.

"Look just because I don't want her to take part in a fivesome-"

"It's technically an orgy when there's five or more people." Tessa interjected.

"Regardless, just because I don't want Sophie being a part of that doesn't mean I have deeper feelings for her!" Benedict weakly tried to argue.

"So you'd go ahead with a repeat of last year's birthday celebration without her?" Gen questioned.

"No!" Benedict squawked incredulously. "No, I'm not interested."

"Well what's changed?"

"Nothing's changed. It was just a one off. It's not something I'm interested in doing again."

"So you're more of a one-woman guy?" Tessa asked.

"Well aren't most people?!"

"Okay, that's fair. In that case; which one of us would you prefer to spend your birthday with?" Lucy put to him, nudging elbows with Gen and Tessa in the teasing hope that Benedict would cop onto himself.

Benedict stared back at her in mild horror. "None of you!" he spat out before realising how blunt he had been and adding; "N-no offence, of course! It's nothing personal against any of you. I'm grateful for the times I've shared with each of you, respectively. I just... I'm not-"

"You'd just prefer to be with Sophie." Gen supplied.

At once Benedict's cheeks turned pink. "I mean, not in that sense. She's just my favourite person so of course I'd rather spend my birthday with her."

"Interesting." Tessa hummed. "So you're not planning on sleeping with her on your birthday?"

"Or ever again?" Lucy cocked an eyebrow.

"I never said that!" Benedict argued before catching himself by how defensive his tone had been.

"Just out of curiosity; is the sex good?" Tessa asked him frankly.

Benedict spluttered unintelligible noise as he tried and failed to respond with an coherent answer.

"Look, calm down." Gen sighed and patted his hand comfortingly. "You can tell us. We're big girls, we're not going to take anything you say personally."

After a moment's hesitation, Benedict rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact with his three ghosts of casual girlfriends' past.

"It's... it's nothing like I've ever had before."

"Would you say it's the best sex you've ever had?" Lucy prodded.

And Benedict bashfully nodded.

"So, let me get this straight;" Gen began, "Sophie is your favourite person in the whole wide world, she's the best sex you've ever had, you spent most of your time with each of us talking about her incessantly - and somehow you still believe you're not in love with her?"

Benedict stared at her wide-eyed and the three women observed him with intrigue, quite literally witnessing the minimal amount of braincells he possessed working together as he slowly processed just how much Sophie clearly meant to him, and when it finally clicked -

"I'm in love with her. I'm in love with her, aren't I? Oh my god... OH MY GOD!" he exclaimed. "I love her. I've always loved her."

"Finally!" Tessa huffed out and knocked back her glass of rose.

"Oh my god... WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU TELL ME?!" he suddenly expostulated at them. "If you all knew that I loved her why didn't you say anything?!"

"Because we didn't think you were this dumb!" Lucy shouted back.

"More fool us." Gen muttered under her breath before she sank into her drink.

[marvellousstawler]

Tuesday 3 Oct 2023

The Vibe is this: it was the first day of daylight savings today but the sky was dark the whole day because of Melbourne spring rain, which couldn't decide if it wanted to be humid or cold, but was absolutely sure that it was torrential.

Art My excuse for not working on any of my unfinished drawings this week is that I have to finish my homemade Flame Emperor mask by Saturday for PAX Aus. For first-time mask-makers, take note: air-drying clay doesn't work. Past Marv was a fool and didn't realise it would crack as soon as it dried. Present Marv is wiser and is attempting to use Plaster of Paris. Future Marv is likely laughing at her, and is hopefully the proud owner of a wonderfully shitty Flame Emperor mask. The works being hiatus'd on account of the mask are a cool picture of my 2 D&D characters, a massive picture for Edelgard's birthday which I started the day AFTER Edelgard's birthday in June and is no where near finished, and, a while back I bought a copy of 'Wyrd Sisters' with one of those newfangled minimalist-graphic covers, and I thought I'd add a bunch of my gaudy spooky illustrations to it. Witchify it. Which I should just do, I should just get that done.

Writing Recent-Past Marv made the...truly *bewildering* decision to try and print out and hand-bind a very large, very unfinished fanfiction, in multiple volumes, for her friend AND herself. A fanfiction, which neither Past Marv nor Present Marv has even read. Apparently Recent-Past Marv's idea was that the project would motivate her to read it, because for some reason she finds the Ao3 interface...unfriendly? The reasons for her reticence are arcane. Anyway, this bizarre project has eaten valuable writing time, and will likely continue to do so. Even so, I did have an opportunity to outline my first chapter of the next part of the project currently known as TDD, a draft I like quite a bit. Also, memory doesn't serve well but I think I spent a weirdly large amount of time working on a comic-isation of Dorothea and Manuela's supports (working title is 'Mittelfranks'), which, that was supposed to be three chapters and one self-indulgent fourth...it is now nine. ...look the very specific dynamic between these two characters feels like it was custom-designed to infiltrate my limbic system and mass-produce serotonin. But only time will tell if THAT project ever exceeds the scripting stage. I also had a chance to write a hand-written draft of a novel about my most recent D&D character. The concept feels like it's too much to chew though. Still, worth getting an idea down.

Reading Finished 'Wyrd Sisters' by Terry Pratchett the other day, which has taken like a month. It's the first book I've finished in about 2 years, and it's instantly become one of my all-time favourites -- it almost feels like it was written FOR me and that is a RARE feeling. I've been collecting quotes in a notebook, the 'collecting' giving me a further incentive for reading, but I only started collecting from page 40 of the book. I'm torn between moving on to the next thing on my To Read list, or going back to trawl through the 40 pages for cool quotes. Might as well spend just a little more time with this new friend. Here's the most recent quote I collected, from page 2: "A key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs." Damn, Pratchett out here with takes that have remained piping hot since 1988.

[zuckarr]

I'm not sorry, but I just love asking you shit. Please answer everything from this post bye-: https://www.tumblr.com/zuckarr/717336721774231552?source=share

Asks that make you think

(thank you so much for wanting to ask me this many things, ily)

What would you do with $3 million?

I guess it's easy to go with the quickest answer, which is probably something like buying my own place, all of the knick knacks I've always wanted, lots of new clothes, expensive gifts for friends and family, etc... but I was never wealthy, so I doubt I'd go on a spending spree so easily. I feel guilty if I spend more than £20 on grocery shopping, so how could I even fathom having that absurd amount of money in my hands? I suppose I would try my best to see it as an investment and I would likely overthink what to do with it. I would also gradually get terrified of being robbed, which wouldn't be nice at all, and maybe would also tamper with my actions. Honestly, the more I think about it, the worse it feels. At the end of the day, I really can't say for sure what I'd do with $3 million.

What superpower would you want? Why?

Oof, I answered this already somewhere, but I can't bother going through all of my asks to find it. The superpower I would want is either the power of flight or the power to pause time. I love the idea of flying, and I feel like pausing time would help me regain control of myself in a lot of situations.

Where would you go if you could time travel?

I'm sure I answered this in the past, as well. Uh... maybe I would go back to my childhood and observe myself and all that happened to me. It would surely give me way more insight than I could ever imagine.

Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?

A part of me believes in everything supernatural. I can't deny that I wish for many fantasy creatures to be real. Another part of me is realistic and rational instead, and is constantly in conflict with the first. Maybe, in a way, I need to believe in fantasy because fantasizing has kept me going for years. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have my imagination, my stories, my favourite creatures. Even if none of it is real, I owe fantasy that much. Short answer is yes, I believe in ghosts because they're part of a world that means a lot to me.

What color represents you and why?

I loved yellow as a child. I remember teachers telling me not to use yellow because it was hard to see on white paper, so I always used it to spite them lol. My appreciation for yellow evolved into my current love for all pastel colors. I love sunrise colors more than any other, because they calm me and bring me joy.

Three wishes, go!

... Nah, that's too fast and I would fuck it up haha!

You are a baby again but contain all your current knowledge. What do you do?

Oh my lord, what I wouldn't do. I'd definitely take so much more care of my body and what I eat. I wouldn't leave school and study properly. I wouldn't let anyone bully me. I would build my relationships in different ways and maybe also with different people. I'd probably choose different paths in my life. I would spend a lot of time away from my family. I would save money and not spend it on ex friends who never deserved it. I would celebrate my own birthdays in much better ways. I would cherish my dog and all of my other pets even more, and spend so much more time with them. Etc.

Trolley problem: how do you answer it?

I had to google what that is haha! I quote wikipedia: "The trolley problem is an ethical dilemma that presents the choice of whether to sacrifice one person to save a larger number. It usually begins with a scenario in which a runaway tram or trolley is on course to collide with and kill a number of people (traditionally five) down the track, but a driver or bystander can intervene and divert the vehicle to kill just one person on a different track."

I think there is no way to answer this. The only way I'd know what I would do is if I was in that situation for real. I can only say that I've always thought that society is made of individuals, and that it's important to take care of the individuals in order to take care of society. Sacrificing one person, or five people doesn't change anything - you are still sacrificing individual lives, therefore you are hurting society. However, humans are biased and I would definitely choose someone who's dear to me over a stranger.

What’s your dream house?

A cottage or bungalow with a thatch roof in a rural area, surrounded by woods and meadows.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Working on a contract, I hope? And maybe in a better place mentally and financially.

What makes a word a good or nice word?

The way it's pronounced, the facial expression that accompanies it, the right timing, and of course the choice of words according to what the person needs to hear.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Vegan cheese?? It's incredibly good my god, we have flawless plant based alternatives nowadays! I think everybody should try the Violife brand at least once, if possible!

What’s something you have that makes you nostalgic?

My horsie plush. His name is Nido and I've had him since I was 15. I used to carry it around and people gave me such weird looks because they didn't understand how could a teenager hold a plushie so lovingly like a child. I stopped carrying it around, but I still love him the same. He's my comfort plush, my wonderful, cuddly baby horsie. ❤️

If you were invisible what would you do?

I kinda like the idea of observing people when they're alone. It would be fun. I do lots of weird and funny shit when I'm alone.

What would you do in a zombie apocalypse?

I would essentially just die haha, I really can't see myself being cautious enough, or smart enough to survive.

[fangirl-ramblings]

Pairing: Charles Smith x Female Readee

Word Count: 3222

Summary: Love is in the air around camp, but has Cupid's arrow somehow missed you and Charles?

Notes: The fluffiest of fluff, Reader POV / Charles POV

This @rdr-secret-cupid gift is for one of my favourite people - @12timetraveler. My sincere apologies for this Valentine's / birthday present being so late, but hopefully it's well worth the wait 😘

~* Tumblr Masterlist | Stories on AO3 *~

Cupid's Arrow

Reader's POV

14th Feb 1899

You looked around to see Dutch sitting in his tent, whispering sweet nothings to Miss O'Shea while Sean was trying his hardest to win over Karen, whose icy demeanour was starting to thaw with each passing drink he was plying her with. Hell, even John had had a little too much to drink and summoned the courage to pick a small posy of flowers and present them to Abigail as a small Valentine's gift. 

You liked seeing the camp happy like this, all relaxed in each other's company; the likes of Javier and Tilly sitting next to each other as the former strummed on his guitar and filled the air with a sweet melody, or young Mary-Beth, enjoying the latest romance novel she acquired, only to tear her eyes away from the page to gaze lovingly towards an oblivious Arthur before continuing her story.

And while Micah's grumbling about it "not bein' right, someone like him talkin' to a fiiinnnne woman like her," as he watched young Lenny saying something to make Jenny giggle from across the way, was enough to for everybody to tell him to shut up, it certainly wasn't enough to dampen the mood around the place.

It was even nice to see Miss Grimshaw laugh and smile as she joined the older camp members in their reminiscences about previous Valentine's days with their own past loves, soon followed by raucous singing of filthy songs but as you took your makeshift seat of a crate at the poker table, you couldn’t but help feel Cupid’s arrow had struck everyone and somehow bypassed you. 

You had secretly hoped that Charles would have joined in with the party, but the minute Dutch wound up his gramophone Charles had disappeared into the woods to take his position on guard duty.

While you'd taken many opportunities to try to make conversation and try to get to know him better over the last few months, you still found him to be a man of few words - but you liked that about him. The camp was full enough of loud-mouthed characters like Sean and Uncle that any moment you found yourself sitting in a comfortable silence with Mr. Smith was bliss.

As the night drew on and more and more alcohol was heartly consumed by all, you felt your eyes growing heavy and couldn’t summon the energy to sing along with the lyrics of “The Louisville Maid”.

   "Well as fun as this is, I'm gonna call it a night," you announced to your campmates, knowing full well that nobody was really listening. You sighed as they were caught up in their merriment and headed towards your tent… only to walk straight into Charles.

   "Whoa, careful there," he told you, giving you a small smile as he placed those big, strong hands of his upon your arms to help stop you from falling over on the spot.

Your face burned as you felt your face grow redder and with each passing second as you enjoyed his gentle but firm touch, causing you to look away to avoid staring into those beautiful, deep brown eyes of his. You hoped that he thought your flushed appearance was a result of all the alcohol running through your veins and not the thought currently running  through your mind; what it would be like if he suddenly dipped and kissed you with a fervent passion?

   "Sorry Charles, I… I… I hadn't realised you'd finished your shift already. Want a drink?"

    "I'm okay, thank you, I was gonna try and get some sleep… and I think you should too - big day tomorrow isn't it?" Your brow furrowed as you tried to rack your brain. Had you arranged to go on a job and completely forgot? Charles watched you, with a confused look. "Oh, I thought you'd mentioned the other day that it was your birthday? Maybe I got it wrong?" 

   "Oh my word, yes it is," you gasped in wonderment, "I can't believe you remembered."

   "Guess I just have a good memory for special occasions," he grinned, brushing a loose hair from your face without thinking, making you weak at the knees.

He cleared his throat and moved his hand away. "Well we best both go get some shut eye before the sun comes up. Good night and sweet dreams." 

You watched him walk to his tent, before heading to your own. Still smiling to yourself, you drew the flaps shut and fell on the cot, relieving that brief moment you just had with Charles over and over as you closed your eyes and let sleep wash over you.

15th Feb 1899

As the sun beamed through the gaps of your tent, you woke up to a very different camp atmosphere compared to the night before. It was eerily quiet; with everybody still in bed, sleeping off the hangovers they'd given themselves at the party.

Deciding to make the most of having a quiet camp all to yourself, you sat yourself up and stretched - your muscles and joints aching in a way that made you laugh. Another year older today and your body was certainly reminding you of that fact with all the aches and pains you suddenly started feeling. 

A part of you doubted anybody else would be able to remember that today was your birthday but you smiled as you saw Mary-Beth hadn't forgotten; she'd wrapped a romance novel with one of her ribbons and left it on your trunk. Next to it was a little handwritten note from her, wishing you a very happy birthday and how "the way the heroine in this story reminds me of how you act around Charles, maybe if you read it you'll end up with your true love too. x"

You playfully rolled your eyes; ever the romantic, Mary-Beth had seen you gazing at Charles one day and decided you were destined to be together.

Pulling on some fresh clothes, you stepped outside and made your way towards the coffee pot, presuming nobody would have thought to wash it out and prepare it ready for the morning. Yet, to your surprise, you lifted it up to find it freshly brewed and still piping hot.

   “I figured everybody would be wanting some when they woke up,” Charles chuckled, walking behind you carrying some logs for the campfire.

   “I’d say; seems they all had a lot to celebrate,” you laughed, pouring yourself a cup. “You want one?” you asked, offering Charles the filled mug currently in your hand.

   “I’m okay thanks, I had one before I made a start on tidying the place up.” 

   “Oh trust me, I wouldn’t worry too much about that today - Grimshaw will have such a headache, she'll be far more focused on getting all the quieter jobs done," you giggled knowing from previous experience how badly Susan seemed to suffer from next morning hangovers.

He carefully placed the chopped wood next to the campfire before turning his attention back to you. "Oh I bet," he grinned, his eyes twinkling. "Actually, I have an idea that might help keep camp running smoothly and stop people grumbling.'

   "Oh?" Curiosity had gotten the best of you and you were intrigued to know what he was thinking.

   "I saw supplies were running low and was thinking of doing some hunting later… a good hearty stew might be what the others need to recover," rushing his words out before casting his eyes to the ground. "I, erm… I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"

   "What? Because I'm the only other person sober enough to safely use a weapon right now?" you teased. 

   "That's one reason, but I'd also like some good company." 

You stood gobsmacked as he turned away from you, quickly making his way over to Taima, pulling something from her saddle.

   "I… I'd like to spend time with you too, but I'm afraid my pistol is no good for hunting." You hung your head in disappointment, mentally kicking yourself that this could be your one chance to be alone with the man you'd admired for all these months - and you've lost it because you never took the time to invest in decent hunting equipment.

   "I can help you with that," Charles told you, pulling out an ornate looking bow and handing it to you. "I made it… for your birthday."

   "For me?" Shocked by his act of kindness, you traced your fingers over each of the detail engravings that ran along each of the limbs, tears starting to cloud your vision. "This is beautiful, but are you sure you mean to give this to me?"

   "Of course… a beautiful bow for a beautiful lady.” A sudden flash of fear crossed Charles’ eyes as he realised what he had just said, his body tensing.

   "You… think I'm beautiful?" Your eyes looking deep into his, searching for the truth.

He nodded. "The most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. If it's too awkward, we can just forget the hunting…"

He stopped mid-sentence as you kissed his cheek, his body relaxing as he realised he hadn't made a mistake in telling you.

   "It's not awkward at all, I've liked you for a long time but I could never work out if the feeling is mutual." You gently thumbed his cheek, "Let's go on this hunting trip and talk about this in private shall we?" You suggested as you signaled for Charles to see what you could see. 

Stood behind him was a small audience of John and Mary-Beth, both of whom were grinning over to you both. 

Charles playfully rolled his eyes and walked  you away from their gaze. 

   "Sounds like a good idea, wanna head out now?"

   "Lead the way Mr. Smith." You held out your hand and he gladly took hold.

   "Oh wait, you'll need some of these too" he reached back into his saddle to hand you a bunch of arrows… only to be confused as he heard you laughing.

    "What's so funny?" Charles asked, trying to read your expression.

   "Nothing… just looks like Cupid's arrows found me after all."

Charles' POV

14th Feb 1899

   “I’ll take over here if you want,” John grumbled, clutching his face as he approached where Charles was currently taking up guard duty in the wooded area on the outskirts of camp. “I reckon my Valentine's night is as good as over.”

Charles turned to face his campmate, the moonlight showing a fresh red looking handprint across John's cheek. "You blew it with Abigail then?"

   "Yep, I pushed my luck just a little too much," John chuckled lightly, "But I'm sure I'll  survive. Go on, you go enjoy yourself… I saw [y/n] looking all lonesome up there, she could probably do with some company."

John waggled his eyebrows as Charles pretended to scowl; alcohol had given him loose lips one night and he had ended up confiding in Arthur and John about his feelings about the camp lady he'd taken a shine to. But he couldn’t hold the expression for long as a smile crept over his lips he thought about you.

   "I'll probably just get some shut-eye instead, but I have been busy making this for her." He lifted up a beautiful bow that was resting against a nearby trunk. "It's her birthday tomorrow and she mentioned once she'd be interested in learning to hunt properly."

   "You're a big old softie, ain't you Charles Smith?" John chuckled. "Well, I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought."

   “Don’t you go ruining my reputation, John,” he laughed, making his way to the clearing where all the gang's horses grazed peacefully.

Taima looked up, nickering as she saw her owner nearby.

   “Just a passing visit for now girl, but we can go out on a ride tomorrow,” he whispered to her, stroking her neck as she nuzzled against him. “In the meantime, I want you to keep this safe for me.” Charles lifted his saddle onto the hitching post that Taima was attached to, and carefully placed the bow into the holster on it. She watched her owner with curiosity, her ears pricking up as heard Charles rummaging in his saddlebag to retrieve an apple to reward his trusted Appaloosa for her loyalty. 

The music was still playing as he walked back into camp, only this time it was Pearson’s accordion and Uncle’s banjo that filled the air as Miss Grimshaw sang a bawdy song. It was clear that the party wasn't ending anytime soon, but that wasn't going to stop Charles from trying to get some sleep. Heading towards his tent, he found himself looking around for a quick glance of his heart's desire, only for you to crash straight into him.

   "Whoa, careful there," he told you, gently placing his hands upon your arms to help stop you from falling over on the spot. He could have swore he felt a jolt of electricity flowing through his veins as his skin touched yours.

   "Sorry Charles, I… I… I hadn't realised you'd finished your shift already. Want a drink?"

    "I'm okay thank you, I was gonna try and get some sleep… and I think you should too - big day tomorrow isn't it?" A flash of confusion crossed your face and Charles began to doubt himself. "Oh, I thought you'd mentioned the other day that it was your birthday? Maybe I got it wrong?" 

   "Oh my word, yes it is," you gasped in wonderment. "I can't believe you remembered."

   "Guess I just have a good memory for special occasions," he grinned, brushing a loose hair from your face without thinking, before catching himself and moving his hand away.

Not really wanting the moment to be over but knowing he must tear himself away lest he stay admiring you all night, he cleared his throat. 

   "Well we best both go get some shut eye before the sun comes up. Good night and sweet dreams." 

Making the short walk back to his own tent,  his heart soared as he thought back over your reaction to him remembering your birthday. Now he couldn’t wait to see how you would react to your present.

Settling on his bed roll, he watched you draw your tent closed before allowing himself finally sleep and dream of you.

Charles found himself waking at the crack of dawn, just as the last few stragglers were stumbling towards their bedrolls . Realising he could effectively have the tranquillity of camp to himself,  he gladly jumped up and set about getting ready for a new day.

Firstly he made his way over to Pearson’s wagon to grab a few coffee beans and started brewing a fresh pot. Noticing the meat supplies were running dangerously low, Charles made a mental note to go out hunting later and wondered if this could be the ideal opportunity to ask the birthday girl to join him.

While he waited for that certain someone to wake up, he had already  stoked the fires back to life and disposed of the empty bottles that were scattered all around camp before finally enjoying a short break with a fresh cup of coffee.

It wasn't until he had made a start on chopping wood he had heard footsteps behind him and smiled to himself as he looked over to see [y/n] making her way over to the coffee pot.

   “I figured everybody would be wanting some when they woke up,” Charles chuckled, walking up to her with an armful of logs for the campfire.

   “I’d say; seems they all had a lot to celebrate,” she laughed in that sweet way that made Charles’ feel all warm inside as she poured a cup. “You want one?” asking as she offered the mug in her hand towards him.

   “I’m okay thanks, I had one before I made a start on tidying the place up," he explained, walking over towards where the chopped wood was to be stored.

   “Oh trust me, I wouldn’t worry too much about that today - Grimshaw will have such a headache, she'll be far more focused on getting all the quieter jobs done,"

Charles chuckled as he carefully placed the firewood down before realising this was his chance and turned his attention back to you.

   "Oh I bet," grinning with a twinkle in his eyes. "Actually, I have an idea that might help keep camp running smoothly and stop people grumbling.'

   "Oh?" you asked, tilting your head with curiosity.

He had noticed in the past that each time you asked a question about something that had piqued your interest, you would often tilt your head in this way and found it utterly adorable.

   "I was thinking of doing some hunting later… a good hearty stew might be what the others need to recover," Charles rushed his words out before looking away bashfully. "I, erm… I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"

   "What? Because I'm the only other person sober enough to safely use a weapon right now?" she smirked, and he felt his insides flip-flop. She was so damn beautiful.

   "That's one reason, but I'd also like some good company," he told her, quickly turning to go fetch the bow from Taima’s saddle.

    "I… I'd like to enjoy your company too, but I'm afraid my pistol is no good for hunting." She lowered her head in what seemed to be disappointment.

   "I can help you with that," Charles told her, carefully placing the bow in her hands. "I made it….for your birthday."

   "For me?" He watched as she traced her fingers over the engravings he spent so much time on, hoping the tears brimming in her eyes were because she was overjoyed. "This is beautiful… but are you sure it's for me?"

   "Of course… a beautiful bow for a beautiful lady.” He kicked himself inwardly for saying it aloud, 

   "You… think I'm beautiful?" Your eyes looking deep into his, searching for the truth.

He nodded. "The most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. If it's too awkward, we can just forget the hunting…"

He stopped mid-sentence as you kissed his cheek. The feeling of embarrassment replaced by one feeling like he could soar into the sky right now.

   "It's not awkward at all, I've liked you for a long time but I could never work out if the feeling is mutual." Gently thumbing his cheek, you suggested, "Let's go on this hunting trip and talk about this in private shall we?"

He followed your gaze to see Mary-Beth and John grinning at you both as they stood by their tents. 

Playfully rolling his eyes, Charles guided you away from their gaze. 

   "Sounds like a good idea, wanna head out now?"

   "Lead the way Mr. Smith." You held out your hand and he gladly took hold.

   "Oh wait, you'll need some of these too" he reached back into his saddle to hand you a bunch of arrows… only to be confused as he heard you laughing.

    "What's so funny?" Charles asked, hoping thewhole entire moment wasn't a set up so camp could make fun of him

   "Nothing… just looks like Cupid's arrows found me after all"

[kookicat]

I posted 6,562 times in 2021

40 posts created (1%)

6522 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 163.1 posts.

I added 100 tags in 2021

#leverage - 21 posts

#eliot spencer - 19 posts

#fanfic - 14 posts

#parker - 11 posts

#whump - 9 posts

#alec hardison - 7 posts

#fanfiction - 6 posts

#life stuff - 5 posts

#christian kane - 4 posts

#sophie devereaux - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#yes i know the formatting is off but it's 3am and i'll fix it tomorrow

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

65 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 00:09:47 GMT

#4

A Gift of Telling & Trust

Nate's words fade away and for a moment, they're all quiet, absorbing the story. There's a sheen in Sophie's eyes that looks suspiciously like tears, and Parker has curled into Hardison's side, resting her head on his shoulder. He's got one arm around her, thumb rubbing absent circles on her side.

Eliot clears his throat, feeling just a little self conscious, and downs the last of his long neck before he speaks. "Before… Before my Mom died," he starts, voice soft, reflective, because it's been a while since he dug up the memories, and he's not sure how they're going to make him feel. "I was twelve, Erin was ten. Mom had been wanting a puppy for a couple of years, and one of my friend's farm dogs was having a litter." He smiles at the memory and glances up, seeing everyone's eyes on him. He's not sure why, but it feels comfortable, and he feels the smile get a bit bigger. "They were seven weeks old on Christmas eve, all bitty black and white things. Only one girl, and we picked her and snuck her in the house. We'd saved up our allowance to buy food and such. She slept on my bed, and we put a bow on her and took her downstairs at the crack of dawn." He pauses, accepting a fresh bottle from Hardison, giving the label a quick check to make sure the other man isn't slipping him one of his weird brews. He's not sure he'll ever cleanse his senses of the last one- pumpkin spice and mint, for christsakes, but the bottle is one of his favourites and he twists the top off.

"What happened?" Parker asks, because she's an instant gratification sorta girl, but they're all still watching him, waiting for the end of the story.

"Well Mom fell instantly in love," he says, lip quirking into a smile, "Dad took some convincing, threatened to take the belt to me but I'm pretty sure he was smitten too."

The end of the story isn't so happy, and he's not sure he wants to tell it and break the spell. "They were inseparable. Mom named her Dodie."

"101 Dalmatians? I loved that book." Sophie asks, and he glances at her, nodding.

"What happened to her?" Parker leans forward to poke him and he bats her hand away, gently.

Part of him wants to lie and tell them a happy ending, but life doesn't work that way. "She was in the truck with my Mom when a drunk driver ran them off the road. They hit a tree. Both killed instantly," he says, and his voice only cracks a little.

It's a hard memory, but he's mostly made his peace with it. It's nice, too, to be able to remember his family and share that with his new one.

Sophie presses her hand against his arm. "I'm sorry, Eliot. I had no idea."

He covers her hand with his own, for a beat. "It's okay. Thank you."

Another memory sneaks in, one he'd all but forgotten about and he laughs, earning startled looks from the others that only make him laugh harder. It takes him a second to get control and he's pretty sure they think it's the start of a hysterical breakdown.

"I'm fine," he says, and waves his hand. "Just remembered something. My fourteenth birthday, Dad decided I was finally old enough to learn how to use the grill. Bought a big rack of ribs. Damn dog stole them from the counter. We spent half an hour chasing her around the yard but every time we got close, she'd manage to escape. I'd never seen my Dad so mad." He laughs again, then takes a swig of his beer, content to settle back into silence and just enjoy the memory.

They spend an agreeable hour, just trading bullshit stories about past jobs before they decide to call it a night.

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94 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 10:55:49 GMT

#3

The Chocolate Job

Chocolate work has never been his favourite- it's messy and fiddly and most days he's just not in the mood for it. But sometimes, the urge strikes him, and he locks himself away in whatever kitchen space they have with a 5lb bag of Callebaut chocolate buttons and gives into the urge. Usually it's truffles, or brownies, but this time he has something else in mind. 

Breanna had shown him a clip of the Chocolate Man (that's what she called him, capital letters and all) on the Tik Toc and well, the idea of sculpting something hadn't left his brain, tucking away like a damn earworm until he'd given in. He's starting small, mostly so he can melt the results down and hide them in his triple chocolate brownies if it all goes to crap. 

The chocolate melts smoothly and he mixes in more buttons, checking the temp until it's tempered and will set crisp and shiny. It's almost Christmas and he's picked up a set of moulds that should produce a chocolate gingerbread house, if he's lucky. If not, he's a professional and will hide all the evidence until he can try again. 

He pours the chocolate slowly, to make sure there's no air bubbles to ruin the structural integrity, and leaves them to set while he whips up some cookies to fill the inside. They're chocolate too, because he might as well stick with the theme. The dough comes together smoothly under his hands, and he lets his thoughts wander a little, now he's back on more familiar baking territory. 

Breanna is going to love this, he thinks, hands automatically patting the dough into a disk to be chilled. Unless Parker steals it first. Maybe I should make two. He snorts, and dumps the dough into the freezer, then raids the candy cupboard for decorations. There's stuff in every colour and form and he sifts through the packages until he finds one that catches his eye. They're Christmas m&m's, in bright green and red, and he lifts the bag down, popping a couple in his mouth before he dumps the rest in a bowl. Gotta have some quality control, he thinks and sneaks another before washing his hands. 

The stainless steel counter is chilly, and the chocolate house parts have set up nicely. He poppa them free, carefully and lines them up on the counter while he grabs the cookie dough from the freezer and cuts rounds out of it. They go on a baking sheet, topped with just a touch of flaky salt, before he slides them into the oven. 

Now for the fiddly part, he thinks, half amused, because if someone had told him ten years ago he'd be building houses out of chocolate and enjoying it, he would have laughed in their face. And then got Hardison to find them a nice comfy padded room. It's not that he's grown more patient over the years, or at least he doesn't think so - it's more he can relax a little more now, because they're not the only ones doing the work. Though I'm still not sure Quinn will ever quite forgive me for dragging him into his, he thinks and grins, thinking of Quinn's last text. It had been borderline illegal in several states, but he'd picked up a couple of new curses, including one that had made Harry Wilson blush and Sophie cackle. 

He shakes his head and grabs the cake board he's using as a base, then fills a plastic piping bag with a tiny bit of melted chocolate to act as glue. Huh, that worked, he thinks as he picks up the first side and turns it towards the light. It's more detailed than he expected, with a brick pattern and detailing around the window. There's even ivy, trailing from where the roof will go and he has to admit that he's pretty impressed. He lays the first line of melted chocolate down and presses the section into place, blasting the whole lot with some freeze spray until he's convinced it isn't going to move. 

It's a tiny bit crooked, but he's satisfied that at least it isn't going to fall over. The timer pings for the cookies and he pulls them out, leaving them to cool before returning to his construction job. Getting the second side in place is harder, because the corner doesn't want to meet perfectly but through a combination of melted chocolate glue and freeze spray, he gets it to stay in place. The third side is easier, somehow, but he's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and moves onto the last side. It's the most difficult yet, because he has to fit it between the two other sides without knocking them down. 

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98 notes • Posted 2021-12-25 02:37:18 GMT

#2

The Macaron Job 

I'm a damned idiot, Eliot thinks and scowls at the sheeting rain outside the kitchen window. It's a horrible damp day, the sort that turns his hair into a curly mess that defies even the hottest flat iron, and he's making macarons. They're never going to dry, he thinks and pokes the closest one with a clean fingertip, scowl deepening as the mix sticks to his skin. 

It wasn't like there were a million other, more rainy day compatible things he could have made. Like brown butter and oatmeal cookies. Or madeleines. Or lemon and poppy seed muffins, with a lemon glaze, sweet and sharp. Or an apple pie, rich and golden and spiked with cinnamon. Or even sugar cookies. 

But Parker had asked for French macarons, and he's never been able to say no to the women, especially when Sophie gets in on the act. So he's stuck in the kitchen, babysitting a sheet pan of macarons that are stubbornly refusing to form any sort of skin. They're never going to work, he thinks and sighs, pulling out the ingredients to make a batch of sugar cookies, just in case, letting his hands fall into the familiar actions while his mind wanders, pondering what else he wants to add to his newly established kitchen garden. 

It's another part of himself that he's reclaimed, once he'd committed to the team, and it had taken him a while to get comfortable with his hands in the dirt again, but damn, it was nice to replace the old blood on his hands with warm, fragrant soil, capable of giving life rather than taking it. Parker had caught on first, bugging him with questions about what the plants did until he got his first harvest of peas and squash and carrots and tomatoes, turning them into something they could eat, remembering exactly how at peace he'd felt, sitting down at the table to eat a meal he'd produced in more ways than one. 

He glances at the tray of macarons again, feeling irritation niggle at him when they still aren't set. The sugar cookie dough forms a neat ball under his hands and he shapes it into a log, wrapping it in plastic and slipping it in the fridge to chill, trying to ignore the urge to glare at the macarons. Like that'll make them set faster, he thinks and has to laugh at himself, just a little. Truth be told, there's not many other places he'd rather be on a rainy day than his kitchen, even if he is stuck with the least rainy day friendly bake ever. 

Quiet footsteps head towards the kitchen and he keeps his back to the door, deliberately, ignoring the prickle between his shoulders that he still can't quite shake. He trusts them with his life and his soul and his sanity, but bone deep instincts aren't so easy to turn off. "They're not done yet," he says when the steps transfer from wood to the tile floor in the kitchen, knowing as good as he was, he wouldn't have heard her if she didn't want him to, because the woman was like a damn cat, all liquid grace and soft steps. 

"They didn't take this long last time," she complains, boosting herself onto the counter and reaching around him to steal a crumb of sugar cookie dough from the big copper mixing bowl. 

Eliot tucks a curly strand of hair behind his ear and glances at the window, where the rain has become even worse, pouring down in a way that makes him wonder idly if they need to start building an arc. Hardison would hate that, he thinks, all those animals to manage and manages not to grin too widely. "Last time it wasn't pouring with rain," he says, and lifts an eyebrow at her when she frowns. 

She sneaks another scrap of cookie dough, chewing thoughtfully. "That makes a difference?" 

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106 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 03:07:37 GMT

#1

198 notes • Posted 2021-03-10 16:12:30 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[katherinewilliams221b]

Girl you know I'm jumping at the occasion :D

Pre-relationship: 1 and 2

General: 1 and 7 bc I can't ever get enough of the dynamics between those two 🖤

Love: 7 and 13

Domestic life: I'd ask for 1 and 2 but I know you plan that hand-fasting fic in the future (still, won't say no to some spoilers... :D)

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Charlie already knew who Kate was from the stories Bill told about her. It was Charlie himself who approached her in the first Care of Magical Creatures class they had together. He had no romantic interest in her at the time, but Bill had spoken so highly of her that Charlie felt they could be good friends. 

His first words were something along the lines of "I know who you are..." He didn't mean to cause her the disappointment he saw on her face.

Kate forced a smile without looking up, wanting to be polite, but nipping in the bud the conversation she was about to have with yet another stranger pretending to know her. 

This all went by very quickly, and as soon as Charlie mentioned that "Bill has spoken very highly of you..." Kate finally met his eyes.

"You're Charlie!" she exclaimed, a little too loudly "Bill has told me about you, too."

They worked very well together that day, like a well-oiled machine foreshadowing the kind of relationship they would have later on. When class was over, Kate ran off to meet Rowan, but not before shouting to Charlie that it had been a pleasure to meet him.

He shouldered his satchel, watching the messy-haired girl hurry off, and thought that not only was she not as the horrible rumours circulating about her described her, but that this had been the beginning of a great friendship.

2. What was their first impression of each other?

He had never been swayed by rumours. But so many people spoke ill of her and her brother that he was tempted to believe them.

The first time he formed an opinion about her was in his first year; he entered the Great Dining Hall with a determined stride and fury written all over his face. Charlie did not know that she had just escaped from a devil's snare, nor that the feud with Merula had begun. Trying not to be too swayed by what he had heard, he merely watched as she sat down at the Hufflepuff table and began speaking at full speed to a girl he would later come to know as Rowan. He had no interest in finding out about her. He just let her be.

Bill remarked that he had a brother at Hogwarts in the same year as her. In the courtyard, Bill pointed to Charlie, who was reading by the fountain. Kate thought he wasn't like Bill at all, that adventures weren't his thing and that he seemed like a quiet boy. A rule-follower. Oh, boy, was she wrong. They didn't meet that day, or for another three years.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

The fifth year was very critical for Charlie, and Kate was his rock in that regard. It was when they started spending more and more time together and to the rest of Hogwarts, they were dating without a doubt. At this point Kate already had feelings for him, but she kept them to herself in the face of his disinterest in dating. In his sixth year, and in better mental health, Charlie began to...feel...things. Dazed by these new sensations, he sought refuge in the forbidden forest until André confronted him. At the same time Rowan, commented that they spent all. the. day. together. Both friends took it upon themselves to set them up on a date.

It was so orthopaedic, so strange and awkward that they both questioned their feelings for each other.At the end of the year, having pretended that the day had never happened, Kate decided to admit that she still liked him. He did the same, with great difficulty.

They both came to an agreement and decided that their friends should not interfere, that whatever they did would have to flow naturally. That agreement day was the start of their official relationship.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Contrary to what it might seem, Charlie. Although he is known as the dragon boy, who is always alone, reading or in the forest, he is held in high esteem by everyone. He makes friends wherever he goes.

Kate is a bit more reserved. She has no difficulty talking to people, but tends to be more cautious around strangers. Paradoxically, she is a magnet for anyone who gets to know her, and although Charlie takes the lead in social situations, there will always be people gravitating around Kate. She says she makes a lot of friends by chance, but it's because she prefers listening than talking about herself.

That said, although they both enjoy being around their friends, they always need to get away somewhere quiet for a while.

LOVE

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

In the Hogwarts years they used to spend the whole day together studying, reading or going to the Forbidden Forest. It was then when Charlie taught Kate how to track both animals and people.

Their activities didn't change much when Kate moved to Romania, as soon after, the war started and there was no more time for leisure.

After the war, they set about making up for lost time, and began to explore Romania and other nearby countries, making short trips wherever they could. One trip a year is mandatory.

They like to go on picnics in the mountains every weekend; they take a blanket, food, maybe books, and spend the day talking and laughing, sometimes even...

They were both surprised at how much they liked watching movies; when they got their first TV, they started having marathons every night over dinner.

Cooking? Or rather, chatting while Charlie cooked. It's a time just for them, especially during the war, where they can clear their heads. Many times they both prepare food in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

Dancing! Some time ago I mentioned that they attended several dance classes as a couple, something they didn't like very much, they prefer to dance without an audience.Later, when they have their daughter, they discovered how much they like to play board games together.

Although they deny it, they like to attend events as a couple; birthdays, or parties at their respective jobs, where they can show each other off.

13. Who remembers the little things?

They both do, I think. Kate remembers how he likes tea, that he takes a bubble bath when he is stressed and she often anticipates it, the brand of pencils he likes, many of the names of the dragons on the reserve, his favourite balaclava and so on.

Charlie knows what her favourite mug is; when she runs out of seeds, how she braids her hair; that she likes to wear jewellery and also knows what style; that there are some yellow flowers that give her allergies, and he has an antihistamine potion in his backpack just in case....

It's not the only thing, but I think they're both good at paying attention to detail. It's one of their love-languages.

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes? 2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

Ok, I'll try to answer with as few spoilers as possible. It's no secret that they do a handfasting ceremony. I once said it was Kate who officiated at it, but no. I'm going to change that because I think I have a better idea.I'm still studying how marriage works in the magical world, but what I do know is that neither Muggles nor the Ministry see a handfasting as a legal union (although it used to be, I'm still studying). This will be important.

If I can get it right, the two of them will be proposing to each other in very subtle and unknowing ways. I haven't decided who will be the one to take a more definitive step, I like both options: on the one hand Kate, because I like the idea of seeing the woman propose, and on the other hand Charlie, because it's something he would never have seen himself doing.

There are 4 people in attendance (6 counting them), one of them is her grandpa, Bernard, and the other three are people they meet in Ireland. One of those three people officiates the wedding.

As I said, the wedding is a handfasting, a Celtic ceremony used to symbolise the intention to marry and the commitement to someone. I don't want to say anything! I think this is my favourite part and I want it to be very emotional. I have looked up what the officiant says to do the ceremony and it is really beautiful. I have personalised it a bit with the fragments that I liked the most.

This is what struck me most (from a website about the ceremony) and what I intend to reflect:

"The absolute honesty inherent in the answers to the questions in this ritual usually takes guests by surprise. This leads the guests to concentrate on what is happening and gets them more emotionally invested in this part of the ceremony".

From this ask

[miracles-totally-come-true]

When I Will Be Gone (1/2)

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Pairing: Logince

Summary: Logan loves Roman with all of his heart. Logan can see that Roman wants to do more with his life. Logan can also see that his own life just isn’t working. Logan thinks he can fix both of their problems.

Roman only wants to spend his life with his boyfriend. He’s perfectly fine with giving up on his dreams if it means waking up every day to see Logan’s face.

Roman wishes he had said that sooner.

Ao3 link: (Tumblr isn’t letting me link it in a neat and simple way, so you get a large oversized link to the fic)

This was meant to be read as a oneshot, but since Tumbr doesn’t like me for some reason, here’s the second part

A quick note:

When anything is written in italics, this means that the text is part of Logan's recording. The recording takes place a few hours earlier than the story's present day.

—————————

By the time you are listening to this, I will be gone. Not dead, most likely, but gone.

January 18th, six years prior to the recording

Sunlight dancing through the trees, the scent of roses in the air. Logan and Roman sat on a checkered picnic blanket, hand in hand.

Roman, I love you more than the world, but I think we both know that I was always bound to fail as your boyfriend.

March 15th, six years prior to the recording

The last scene in the movie had come to a close, just as Logan finally stirred in his sleep, slowly waking up. Roman glanced down at his boyfriend, who was leaning on his shoulder, before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

I that thought I was helping you to achieve your dreams, but I now see that all I was doing was holding you back. I wish I had seen sooner.

November 3rd, six years prior to the recording

Roman quietly opened his boyfriend's bedroom door. He draped a blanket over the shoulders of the figure passed out at the desk and placed the cupcake he had carried in beside the mountain of paperwork.

"Happy birthday, my love," Roman whispered.

Roman, you are the most incredible human being I have ever met.

December 1st, six years prior to the recording

A smile fluttered across Roman's lips as Logan brushed a strand of hair out of his boyfriend's eyes.

The way your eyes light up when you smile fills me with a kind of joy that I did not think I had the ability to possess.

January 18th, five years prior

Roman grinned and leaned into Logan's arms

"Happy anniversary! I love you so, so much,"

The blush that dances across your cheeks when out eyes meet is nothing less than adorable.

January 31st, five years prior

They stared into each other's eyes. Moonlight just barely lit up the room. Roman hoped that it was too dark for Logan to notice how red Roman's face must be.

Watching you spin around the room laughing when your favourite Disney songs come on always ends with my cheeks hurting from smiling.

February 14th, five years prior

Logan's quiet laughter filled the air as his boyfriend pulled him up from the couch.

"C'mon specs," Roman pulled him closer. "Let's dance."

Listening to you talk about the things that you're passionate about always melts my heart. I love you so much.

March 21st, five years prior

"I GOT THE GIG!" Roman had applied for a job preforming stories for children at the local theatre. "Let's have a drink to celebrate!"

Logan looked at him in confused amusement as Roman grabbed a bottle opener. "....babe thats a bottle of soda, not exactly the kind of drink one would use to celebrate with."

And it's because of how much I care, that I must leave. I can see that you're hiding your emotions behind your smiles.

May 30th, five years prior

Roman wiped a tear off his cheek as he put on a fake smile. He stared at the figure in the mirror. Roman loved Logan more than he could even imagine. His boyfriend was the best thing to ever happen to him. It didn't matter that Roman had lost every job he had tried to keep. It would be okay.

You clearly want more than anything to follow your dreams but you don't. Why?

June 12th, five years prior

Roman pressed his lips to his boyfriend's knuckles. "I'd travel to the moon and back if it meant simply seeing your face."

So many hours were spent with me laying on my bedroom floor, trying to figure out why you refused to go out into the world and pursue a better life. Then it hit me. I am the problem.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Roman's jaw dropped and his heart fell as he listened to the recording that he had found in his and Logan's apartment. It had been addressed to him, and he had found it sitting beside a single blood red rose, and a golden locket containing a photo of him and Logan. It hadn't been long before Roman had put two and two together and figured out that there was something else going on here. This sounded bad.

As long as I stay by your side, you'll stay stuck in an unfulfilling life.

July 2nd, five years prior

They lay in a meadow, side by side, fingers entwined.

"I love you Logan,"

"I love you too,"

Please don't be sad.

August 15th, five years prior

Logan wiped away the tear rolling down Roman's cheek.

I would have told you all this in person, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to bare seeing your pain. I knew that I'd back out the second we stood face to face.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Roman picked up the rose. He ignored the thorns that pricked his skin.

"Logan, why, why why why," he could feel more tears forming.

I love you so much, Roman. I never would have gotten this far in life without you, but as they always say mall good stories must come to an end.

December 26th, five years prior

Roman closed the storybook, a smile on his face. He plucked the glasses off his sleeping boyfriend's face and set them on the nightstand.

I've hit the metaphorical dead end.

January 30th, four years prior

Roman glanced at Logan, who was sitting in the passenger seat,

"I-I think we're lost,"

"Now you admit it?" Logan raised an eyebrow. "Here, let me drive for a bit."

My family disowned me for my sexuality.

February 13th, four years prior

Roman's heart dropped as he saw the mess of tears streaming down the typically calm man's face. "You told them?"

"...I did."

I was fired from my job at the lab, simply because I argued that the animals being used as test subjects were not being treated fairly.

January 1st, four weeks prior

"They're fools for firing someone as intelligent as you,"

"No, they're right to do this. I tried to think with my heart instead of my head for once, and made the mistake of bringing emotions into a workplace,"

"Well either way, they just lost their best scientist,"

All of my friends left eventually because of how many walls I put up.

December 2nd, two months prior

"Did Virgil call?" Roman frowned when he saw the sad look on Logan's face.

"Yes, yes he did. I'd rather not talk about it though. How about we make dinner?"

My own cautiousness and inability to be overly emotional have been my own undoing. You are the last good thing left in my life.

March 14th, four years prior

"Logan, you are absolutely not just an emotionless robot! You're the sweetest guy I know. Don't you dare let any assholes tell you otherwise!"

I may not believe in soulmates, but I truly think that we are as close as it gets.

June 8th, four years prior

"Aw, you don't think that we're soulmates?" Roman said with a pout in his face. "Why not?"

"I simply said that I don't believe in such things," Logan pressed a quick kiss to Roman's forehead. "Now get sleep, we both have work to do tomorrow."

My story has come to an end, but yours is just beginning.

August 17th, four years prior

Roman gazed lovingly at the stacks of books lining the shelves that surrounded the place where Roman and Logan sat.

I know that I don't have the emotional capacity to be able to make an accurate estimation as to how long it will take for you to be able to get over this, but for both of our sakes, I do hope it will be quick.

October 6th, four years prior

Roman sighed. His boyfriend had obviously stayed up all night working again. When he peeked at the pile of notes on Logan's desk, his face lit up. From the looks of it, Logan had started teaching a course at a local college, which had always been something he had wanted to do.

I can tell that you're hiding sadness underneath all the smiles, you don't hide it very well.

December 31st, four years prior

Smiles. Grins. Laughter. Joy. Roman's entire life was based around joy. He couldn't just go tell Logan that he was sad about losing another job, that would ruin his whole facade. No, he would have to just get another job as quickly as possible.

I haven't seen enough of your genuine smiles lately.

January 14th, three years prior

Roman was so happy for the first time in what felt like ages. Logan had finally agreed to get a pet! Granted, it was a goldfish, because Logan claimed that neither of them had the time to take care of a puppy, but a pet nonetheless!

He named it Roman Jr.

You clearly want to do something more with your life, but you don't.

February 14th, three years prior

"Vegas would be a nice place to live one day, or LA. Ooh maybe London,"

"What, life isn't enough for you?"

"Never,"

And since I've heard you joke about me being the tether keeping you from being a star, it wasn't hard to realize that the only logical explanation is that I'm the one keeping you stuck in this small town where it is impossible for you to follow your dreams.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"I never meant it. They were nothing more than jokes. I would do anything to keep the small life we share," yet more tears rolled down Roman's face as he spoke to the empty room.

I say that you are the only thing left in this world for me, but if you can't be happy with the life we have, then I have truly failed.

April 7th, three years prior

They lay on a Roman's bed, a Disney movie playing on his laptop, long forgotten. Roman snuggled closer, savouring the moment.

The only way I can think of to fix this, is to completely disappear.

July 25th, three years prior

They sat under a cherry blossom tree, watching the petals fall around them.

"This is magical," Roman's voice was barely a whisper.

"There's noting out of the ordinary about the situation, except for the fact that the petals are dropping later in the year than they usually would," Roman merely grinned.

You're the only one who could possibly miss me, so I have three requests for you.

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