#''you need to tell me every single little thing you know on this subject'' and ''that idea goes against my beliefs so im going to

[cameronspecial]

Mrs. Cameron All But In Name

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.7K

Summary: When Y/N has to burrow Wheezie's phone to text Rafe, she notices something interesting about her contact name.

A/N: Inspired by this post.

Masterlist

Y/N and Rafe have been dating for three years now and it is clear they are meant to be together. If it weren’t for their young age, Y/N is sure they would be married or at least engaged by now. They practically act like an old married couple anyway, so when they do tie the knot, it would only really be for legal reasons. With dating Rafe, came a close relationship with his sisters. Sarah and Wheezie have practically become her own siblings and she loves to spend time with the girls. In fact, it’s why she has a bi-monthly girls' night with the pair. Yes, every time they have it they have to chase Rafe out of the house, but Y/N thinks it is important to foster the bond between them, so he always begrudgingly leaves to hang out with Kelce and Topper. “How are things with you and John B?” Y/N questions while tracking the nail polish brush along Wheezie’s nail. Sarah shrugs as she files her nails, “We’re fighting right now. He doesn’t want to go to the Nassau house with us and I want him to go.” “Aww, that sucks, Sweetie. I’m sure he’ll come around. Do you want me to have a talk with him?” Y/N offers. Sarah shakes her head, “No, it’s okay. We’ll make up eventually. We just need to cool off a little.” Y/N nods and finishes off the last coat of Wheezie’s nails. She releases the hand, “There you go, Beautiful. What colour do you want, Sarah?” 

Sarah places the nail file on the table and examines her options before picking up a salmon pink polish from the collection. Y/N gets to work on doing the older Cameron sister’s nails, “How about you, Wheezie? Anyone on your radar you want to tell us about.” Wheezie lips pucker as she squints her eyes. “Nahh, I am happy being single. I see what you and Sarah go through with John B and Rafe. I do not need that type of problem,” she informs. The other girls giggle. Y/N checks her phone to see it is dead, “Amen to that, Wheeze. I mean look. My phone is dead, but how much do you want to bet that your brother is blowing up my phone right now asking me when he can come back home? Can I please borrow one of your phones to tell him my phone is dead while I charge mine?” “Of course, here,” Wheezie says, unlocking her phone so that Y/N can use it. 

She places the nail polish on the table and scrolls through Wheezie’s messages to find the texts with Rafe. A certain contact name second down the list catches her eye. Y/N Cameron. She freezes at the sight. Her eyes flick toward the younger girl, “Why do you have my last name as yours?” Wheezie’s cheeks redden and her gaze falls away from her brother’s girlfriend. “Rafe did it. He said that it’s going to be your name eventually, so what difference does it make,” Wheezie states. Y/N chuckles with a shake of her head, “That doesn’t surprise me at all.” She types out her message and hits send. My phone is dead, so don’t freak out if I don’t respond. I’m charging my phone rn. -Mrs. Cameron.” 

———

His phone chimes and a massive grin crosses his face. He checks his text, feeling his heart flutter at the message. So she found out what he’d been saving her name as in everyone’s contact. He chuckles. It took her long enough to find out. He’s been ordering everyone to change her last name in their contact for years. His smile doesn’t wipe off as he responds. Come on, Baby. You know you are my Mrs. Cameron all but in name. You can’t blame me for wanting to make the process easier for everyone else once we do take the next step. 

Smh. You really are something else, Mr. Cameron.

But I’m your something else, Mrs. Cameron, but you know you love me.

You are lucky that I do. Now, I’m going to end this conversation here before you start dirty-talking me. I’m not subjecting Wheeze to those texts.

You know me so well, Baby. 

Goodbye, Rafey. I love you.

I love you too, Baby. I’ll see you when I get home.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[14thgalerie]

path to you

• pairing: theodore nott x reader

• now playing: war of hearts by ruelle

• word count: 7.3k

• genre: angst, fluff every now and then

— not proofread, i wrote this on a whim the other night and only finished last night.

Theodore Nott stood amidst the crowd of returning students aboard the Hogwarts Express, his heart heavy with a blend of emotions.  His eyes were ablaze, lit with determination in search of that one familiar figure with locks he spent nights running his fingers through. However, as the last call to board the train echoed through the station, his hope was diminished when there was still no sign of you.

In truth, he knew it was futile right from the moment the both of you had left Hogwarts. The incident— if that was what he would even call it for that— was the moment that Voldemort had truly begun making his appearance known to the students of Hogwarts. 

He was no innocent bystander to this, the mark that burns on his right arm is a constant, painful reminder of that. His father had mercilessly subjected him through the initiation process, appointing him watch of Draco to ensure he would follow the Dark Lord’s order just as others had been compelled to do.

However, in the brief moment that he knew your eyes had latched on to an exposed skin of his sleeved arm, a fear struck him, unlike the familiar one that had long been instilled by his father. He decided that he would rather weather the searing pain that seemed to burn deeper for every day that Dumbledore roamed the grounds than prove he was no trustworthy person to you now. He would ignore the ache that pried into his very soul as you steer a conversation away as he picks you up from your friends.

Despite this, in the dark and dreary summer, he is left terribly alone with only thoughts of you entangled in his mind. The old days of sunshine only remain in memory, as he supposes is a communal thing for all of you as Voldemort continued to infiltrate and pollute the magical world with his influence. 

Theodore had written you a myriad of letters over the many days, his heart engraved with every droplet of ink that marks the parchment.  

I miss you.

I beg of you to tell me that I’m not as forgettable as your silence otherwise makes me feel.

But every owl that returned carried nothing but itself. No words from you. Not a single one even from your friends, a choice he made in desperation, regardless of the consequences if his father found out he had been in contact with one of you. 

He knew that they knew where you were, even if it might not be the entirety of it. If there was one thing he truly regretted before, it would be his cowardice. His fear runs deep in the thick crimson inside of him that dictated his every move. Though he shares a strong companionship with Mattheo and the others, Theo remains in awe of the camaraderie that you have with your friends at this time.

Driven purely by the need to be a catalyst; to make an end of this war.

With the sudden void torn into his at your disappearance, Theo found his heart crystallising once again, trying to preserve what little warmth is left by you. 

Praying to a god he doesn’t believe in, begging that there will never come a day that he won’t know your last words.

You exhale slowly.

The morning had barely started, and the sun was still but a ray in the dim sky. You tug the blanket over your face, blinking once, twice. The stream below the knife-like hill they had taken camp in, continued its hum.

It has been roughly three months since the start of the school year started, and four months since you have made the decision to accompany Harry, Hermione, and Ron in the hunt for Horcruxes. Four, lengthy months since you’ve last exchanged words with Theo, afraid that you would let this mission slip, Merlin knows he knows you better than you did.

If circumstances were different and he was not tied by that horrific mark, maybe he would be even with you. But reality is unforgiving and you are left in sorrow for the easy times you’ve taken advantage of.

There were times it felt ghastly to keep certain things to yourself, for so long it had been you and Theo, sharing the deepest truths. Then in a snap of a finger, it seemed most of what came out of you were lies, all in the name of protecting your friends. But it was paramount to be cautious nowadays, even if Theo was careful and dedicated to keeping crucial information, you couldn’t shake off the fear that Voldemort may attempt to pry on his mind.

Harry, with all his strength, is no exception to Voldemort’s manipulation of the mind. What more of Theo?

You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if everything came crumbling down the moment Voldemort sought Theo’s memories.  

Sometimes, you couldn't help but feel the urge to apparate for even just a moment. Just a minute. You found it difficult to get rid of the nagging feeling that he now despised you for doing this, for running away and leaving him, despite the promise you made only a year ago. It was a constant tug-of-war of the heart and the mind, most days leaving you drained in addition to the physical exhaustion.

I miss you.

I hate this uncertain silence that does nothing but bring you forth.

“Y/N? Are you awake?” You hear a voice call out.

You snap yourself out of your thought

“What time is it?” You mumble. Hermione’s sharp ears are used to your morning voice by now. “It’s already 8 in the morning, Y/N. Get up.”

“Goddess!” You shot up, “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier, my shift was supposed to be an hour ago.”

With one less person in your team, as Ron left in his fury, the rest of you had to take shorter rests now.

“It’s fine, I couldn’t sleep anyway,” Hermione reassures her. You stand and make your way down to the table where a cup of steaming tea is left for you. “Are you alright?” You ask.

She merely hums in question but makes no indication that she will answer. Instead, she walks out of the tent to sit on one of the rocks nearby. 

“He will be fine, mione.” You say, following her. “Ron has been through so much in the past, I think by this time, he would be able to get by on his own.”

You pull her into a side embrace, holding her close without saying anything as she rests limply underneath your arm. She needed it. Sacrificing the risk of her parents forever forgetting that Hermione was their daughter had taken a heavy toll on your friend. Leaving them in the house she deemed her sanctuary from the destruction, the madness that reigned outside.

With Ron having left the three of you. Although you weren’t as close with the redhead, you knew he had been Hermione’s shoulder— ever since forever. You understood how she felt or even a spectre of it, for you, too, had left someone behind.

Someone that you could only beg the gods remains breathing and unsullied by the encroaching darkness that seemed to follow him.

“And what about you?” Hermione whispered softly, the tears that lined her cheeks dry now. “What do you mean?”

“Nott.” Hearing the name instantly formed a small, melancholic smile on your face. 

“I’m your best friend, Y/N. You can stop pretending to be the shield for us now, Harry and I will be here for you. You can cry.”

Your gaze remains fixed on the sight before you. Atop the hill, the pale gold ball of sunlight emerges and bathes the cold stone in warmth. Reminiscent of the days before the Triwizard Cup, before Cedric died. It all seemed so far away now.

“I’ve exhausted all the tears from me already, Hermione. I miss him terribly. I may just crumble beneath his feet the very moment that I see him again.”

“It’s difficult what you had to do. I can’t even begin to decipher it. The both of you had consistently defied, and will likely continue to do so, every misconception that the others had of you back when you were still friends." 

“I hate how there was not a scintilla of hesitation and doubt in me when I had to keep so many things from him when I had to lie to him.” You croak out, voice barely above a whisper.

“You did so because you knew that in the end, it wasn't just for the best of the wizarding world that you deliberately did all of that, it’s all for him. You did it because you wanted to keep him safe from that vile, bald head.” 

You nod. It's true. Ever since you found out about the abuse that Theo’s father inflicted upon him, you knew that there would come a day when he would pay the price for it. Knowing that he couldn’t escape him before he turned 17, the only solace you can provide is your unwavering companion.

It only weighed on you heavily that Theo would have to endure it all alone again so that you could work to permanently sever the ties between him and his malevolent father..

“We’re kids.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over, and you clenched your fists in frustration. At Voldemort, at Theo’s father, at your parents who left you all alone, at the lost innocence of your childhood.

“We’re supposed to be ripping our hair off for NEWTS, preparing for life after we leave Hogwarts, dancing and drinking our teenage years away. Why did we have to make all these choices? The storybooks on my shelf speak nothing of this.”

Then, her gaze unwavering firmly set on you as she sat up straight. “We’re doing this so that Voldemort, or any wizard that dares follow his steps, may never inflict the kind of pain on anyone else, the way he did to us and our parents.”

Heart heavy with foreboding and unease, Theodore stands among the students of Hogwarts in the dimly lit Great Hall. The room, devoid of its warm glow and chatter, was bathed in eerie silence where Snape, now the headmaster of Hogwarts, had summoned every student. From the tense shoulders of the man, Theo could only surmise that it was something important. It was rare to see Snape truly bothered.

“Many of you are surely wondering why I have summoned you here at this hour. It came to my attention that earlier this evening... Harry Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade.” 

A murmured thrill fills the Hall. Theodore’s eyes widened, as he waited for a sign. If Harry Potter was nearby, it could only mean that you were too.

Snape continues, raising his voice a tad bit to quell the noise. “Should anyone — student or staff — attempt to aid Mr. Potter, that person will be punished in a manner consistent with the severity of their transgression. Rest assured: So long as I am Headmaster at Hogwarts, Harry Potter will never again step foot in this castle.”

Theo only hears the latter of what he said, mind distracted by the idea that you could be in the castle. His feet itched to run out and find you himself. Not an ounce of care for what the man in front is saying.

“Now then. If anyone here has knowledge of Mr. Potter’s movements this evening... I invite them to step forward now.” 

However, the sound of footsteps catches his attention in the dead silence, and the younger Slytherin students near him exchange glances with each other. Then a figure appears from the shadows at the back of the hall. Someone that brought forth a sigh of a blend of relief and disbelief from Theo. An action that the younger him would probably scoff at.

“I think I can help you out with that…” Harry exclaims, “It appears that, even with all your thorough defensive measures, you might have a security problem, Headmaster”

The students all stare in utter perplexity, each wondering when and how the bespectacled boy had entered the castle. A vacuous question really for Harry has proven countless times that he is, in several ways, a gifted person who is filled with more courage and resolve than anyone in this room. Even Theodore, who’s good friends with Draco, can admit that fact.

The sight of Harry struck a spark of hope in a place that had grown increasingly bleak since the death of Dumbledore— Diggory’s death if you will. But the spectacle wasn’t yet done there when the doors of the Great Hall swung open, revealing the members of the Order. Their arrival further sets a ripple among the unexpecting students, though from the looks of Harry’s friends, it seems that they were the ones to aid them.

His gaze shifts to watch as one by one, they line up in a defensive pose behind Harry. He Recognizing a few familiar faces like the Weasleys, Hermione, Lovegood, Professor Lupin, Fleaur from Beauxbatons, and even some members of the Ministry. 

“How dare you stand where he stood.“ Harry shouts. “Tell them the truth of that night’”

Theodore’s breath catches in his throat. The air becomes suffocating at the reminder of those times, days that still hunt him and the others. He takes slow inhales and exhales to calm himself, knowing that now is not the right time and place.

Snape with his eyes like shards of ice, faced Harry Potter. Theodore watches as he moves as if to retrieve his wand, but before he can do so, McGonagall comes forward and sends a blast in Snape’s direction. Snape pivots and barely rebounds the spell in defence,

Chaos ensues as the rest of the staff leaps forward with their wands out. A short but intense exchange erupted in the middle of the room, making the students shuffle to the side to avoid being hit by the spells and curses that flashed through the air like crackling lightning.

Snape, ever the formidable wizard despite his attitude, held his ground with a stoic determination. But Theo couldn’t help but notice how his old professor merely deflected the curses thrown upon him and never cast his own. It piqued his curiosity knowing that he was a master of the dark arts, prominent in the way lectures were replaced by dark arts in his headship.

In the end, Snape yielded, a moment that sent shockwaves to many. 

“A coward, that man.” Professor McGonagall proclaims, before turning to Harry. “Mr. Potter, do you mind telling me what you’re doing here, which, I trust you realise, is an act of complete lunacy?”

Harry replies by simply telling her that he is a Gryffindor which comes to no surprise to the woman. McGonagall then turns to the rest of the students, calling them to settle down after the whole debacle. 

Just then, Harry suddenly winces, pressing his palms to his temple, before a rumble rings throughout the Hall. A dark cloud swarming in the Enchanted Ceiling, imminent that the beginning of the war will begin any time now. It is the screams and face of pain that confirms it.

A familiar voice to Theodore sounds off in a deathly whisper in his head. And by the looks of everyone, it was the same for them.

“I know that many of you want to fight. Some of you may even think this is wise. But this is folly. Give me Harry Potter. Do this and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter and I shall leave Hogwarts untouched. Give me Harry Potter and you will be rewarded.“

With that, the whispers recede followed by the dark clouds evaporating into thin air. For a moment, silence ensues. Pansy’s screechy voice scratches in his right ear from where she stands beside him. 

“Harry’s right there! Somebody grab him!” Yet nobody gives her a second thought. Everyone’s attention shifts instead to Filch who loudly enters through the Hall, screaming that everyone’s out of bed. The man made Theo chuckle inwardly, making a tiny smirk form on his lips.

“They are supposed to be out of bed, you blithering idiot!” McGonagall tells him off. “Oh right, sorry.”

“Now, as you’re already here, I’d like you to lead the rest of Slytherin House from the Hall to the dungeons.” She adds on before Filch can leave.

Theodore’s thoughts returned, as they always did in the past months, to the one question that haunts the very corners of his mind: Where are you? In this whole happening, his eyes had been moving back and forth towards the group that stood near the large double doors. Trying to catch a glimpse of you in between the still figures. But as you had tortured him, you were still nowhere to be seen and he began to question if you had truly disappeared and left him questions unanswered. 

As they were being ushered out of the Hall, he, like many others, was vacillating between insisting upon fighting for Hogwarts or to keep their loyalty to their Slytherin roots. But really, the prevailing choice for him is neither of those. He desperately wants to run towards Hermione and just ask her of your whereabouts.

But before he could approach a decision, Hermione made it for him. He jolts when a hand grasps his forearm, taking him by surprise. 

“Nott.” Hermione begins before he cuts her off. “Where is she?”

It must’ve come off louder than he intended to from the way she jumped and the stares from the clutter of students from all directions. But he couldn’t care less, and it seemed that the girl in front of him had just now remembered when he didn't offer an apology.

“Well, it’s nice to see you’re not much different.” She sarcastically says. “Granger. Hermione. I frankly don’t have the time for this and I doubt that you do too, so I beg you to answer me now.”

Theodore’s impatience taking over him, he could not endure another moment without having you within his sight. It was a bit of an uncharacteristic burst of urgency for him and he knew it, but you were different. You, who holds all of his vulnerable entirety in your hands. 

“She’s somewhere in the castle, searching for one of the remaining Horcruxes in the castle,” Hermione explains. “Y/N had suggested that we split and she began the search while we had to ward off Snape. We will be doing the same thing now, so if you have any idea of Ravenclaw’s lost diadem location, then that’s where you’ll find her.”

With a simple nod and a meek expression of gratitude, he runs off to a place where he begs must hold such a priceless object. It would be somewhere close by but nowhere that it can be easily found.

In the corner of his eyes, Theo caught a glimpse of Harry sprinting towards a distant hallway before rounding a corner. Knowing that by now he must have an idea of where it is, Theo makes a sprint for it. He cautiously peers around the hallway where he sees a door materialising in front of Harry.

Before he can approach Harry to accompany him inside the Room of Requirement, he sees the unmistakable form of his two friends, Draco and Blaise, along with Goyle, discreetly following Harry inside. He muttered frustrated curses under his breath, knowing that those three would make trouble.

He enters through the door, where he makes a dash along the stockpile of objects that seemingly never seems to lessen with every step he takes. A sigh of relief escaped his lips, but still a lingering tension persisted, as he saw Harry’s figure running.

“Potter!” He calls out to the boy, casting aside any lingering apprehension he once held for the boy. “Did you find it?”

Harry halts in his run, taking a moment to catch his breath before responding to Theo. In truth, he wasn’t surprised that Theo was here with him, but rather, more so that you weren’t the object of his first question to him.

“I think so, the sound keeps getting louder.” He answers. 

“It should be somewhere near now.” He continues. “Let’s go then.”

Theo quietly takes his place beside Harry as they weave their way through the maze of ancient objects and furniture. They continue until Harry stops, causing Theo to freeze in his step. 

There you stood, a presence that seemed to penetrate his very being. The only person who plagued his thoughts, you had woven yourself into every conscious moment and every corner of his mind. 

Now that you were a mere five steps away from him, he couldn’t conjure the nerve to move forward, feeling himself paralyzed.

Was it the fear that held him back? The nagging thought that this might be just another dream of his? He couldn’t grapple at an answer, but by the length of your hair that now sits at your shoulders, he would like to believe that maybe this was indeed you. This was you, and before he realised it, he was all but standing still.

A sharp gasp escapes your lips as you nearly lose your footing, feeling a heavy weight press to your back. The sensation of those familiar long arms enveloping you in a tight embrace sent your heart racing, the shock of it sending a rush of emotions through you.

For a fleeting moment, it felt that your body had become one with the ground, immobilised by the torrent of emotions surging through you. But then when the realisation finally sinks into you, the tension that seemed to course through you suddenly dissolves and you willingly surrender yourself to the warmth of his embrace.

You turn, your hands tracing a graceful path across his back. It had been far too long, and you couldn’t imagine being apart from him for such an extended period ever again.

The background fades into obscurity. Harry was forgotten, a distant blur that moved with the others. Your eyes filled with relief and that soft, affectionate expression that he adored. All he could see was you, the person he had yearned for and feared losing in the world you both live in.

Theo’s defences crumbled, and he finally surrendered to the weight of his emotions. He couldn’t find a part of him that would care if others saw him right now. Tears flowed freely down his flushed cheeks, like a torrential downpour.

“I’m here. Theo, I’m back with you.” Your arms held him, gently rocking him as you tried to soothe his nerves. 

“Never leave me alone again.” He choked on the words, his voice raw and rugged with pain. “I beg you.”

“I won’t be going anywhere, I promise. I’m sorry for having to leave so suddenly.” You whispered, your voice filled with genuine remorse. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of movement behind some cabinets— a flash of white. 

“But we’ll have to talk later.” You continued, turning your focus back to Theo. “We need to get rid of this Horcrux.”

“Horcrux?” He asks, pulling back from the crook of your neck. “Hermione mentioned that when I asked about you.”

“It’s one of the many things that Voldemort has done to ensure his immortality.” You explained, your tone carrying a sense of urgency. “But if we get rid of it, we’re one step closer to finally banishing him for good.”

He opens his mouth to say something but before he can, he is interrupted by Draco, with Blaise and Goyle, stepping into view. “Well, well, what brings you here, Potter? And Theo, what are you doing with them?”

Your gaze shifts back at Harry who had only realised that you had some other company. “I could ask you the same.” You retort.

Theo, however, pays his friend no mind. Instead, he leans to your ear, his voice a hushed whisper. “We should get that thing while Draco is still preoccupied with Harry.”

You could make a run for it; it seemed that Draco didn’t care for your purpose inside the room. Rather busy demanding your friend for his wand back, the very one you had accidentally brought back with you from the Malfoy Manor.

“- its allegiance is to me now. If you want it, you’ll have to win it back. Perhaps even kill me…” You hear Harry proclaim. You silently curse your friend for his recklessness, tired of his cavalier attitude with his life simply because he’s braved the risk of death before. You kept your eyes trained on Draco, knowing that despite his hesitation before, he might act on it now.

His wand hand twitches.

Brow conflicted.

Uneasy eyes settling somewhere behind you. You look behind to see a silhouette of a girl with a wand pointed in your direction, before you can see who it is, a ball of scarlet light emerges and briefly lights up her face and hits Draco’s hand.

“Avada Kedavra!” You were pulled back by Theo, landing on the ground with his body catching the fall. You watch as the spell ricochets and sends the diadem, which was sitting peacefully in its encasement on the table, flying away.

You spring to your feet, a burst of adrenaline propelling you forward to catch the item before it vanishes on you in this labyrinth. Your hand barely grazed the edge of the jewelled headband and with a quick nod to Harry and Hermione a nod to escape this room. Meanwhile, you’re confused as to where Ron had disappeared off to.

The red-head gives you your answer when he comes running from somewhere followed by a  twisting serpent made of scarlet flames. “Run! Goyle’s set the bloody place on fire!”

With your right hand clutching the crown, you secure a firm grip on Theo’s hand, which rests lightly on your waist. The five of you dash through the towering heaps of debris that would likely be a pile of smouldering ashes and soot. A quick glance behind you reveals flames that draw closer, mutating into different forms: serpents, dragons, and the like, each following you so closely that sweat beads form on the nape of your neck.

“Keep running!” Harry shouts when Hermione sees Draco scaling a mountain of furniture. You were still running for your life when suddenly Harry spots a stack of broomsticks. TO which you all took one and began to speed across the room.

The flames explode behind you, You and Theo, who decided to share, barely elude the snap of its jaw. 

“Wait! What about Malfoy and Blaise!” Harry screams at the rest of you, your head turns to look back at the two who are barely hanging on as the flames continue to destroy the room. It was only a matter of time before it reached them and they would have nowhere to go.

“You grab them!” Theo replied, his voice scratchy and painful from the amount of smoke you’ve inhaled. 

“Are you serious? He’s joking right?” Ron asks Hermione, to which you instead reply. “No, he’s not! Go get them!”

Harry and Ron sweeps down, swiftly reaching out to grasp Draco and Blaise’s outstretched hands. While you, Theo, and Hermione went ahead as a giant beam of light appeared in the distance, a radiating beacon. It’s Hermione, hovering on her broom with her wand raised.

Then, with Harry and Ron in tow, you all fly headlong towards Hermione’s beacon. And in an instant, your sight dissolved into a blinding whiteness.

Your eyes flutter open, your senses returning to you in a hazy rush. You felt someone shaking you furiously, and in your disoriented state, you instinctively pushed them away. But arms instead wrapped around you and pulled you into a warm chest.

“You’re fine!” The person evidently shakes in relief, before you feel a gentle bush of lips against your temple.

Blinking away the remnants of confusion, you look up to see Theo’s striking blue eyes already intently focused on you., striking a shiver across your spine “You couldn’t get rid of me that easily.” You joked weakly, a tiny smile on your face.

Theo’s expression softened, and he tightened his hold on you as if he was afraid that you might disappear again. “I thought I lost you there,” He tells you, voice barely above a whisper. “When I saw you just lying there, unmoving… I was utterly terrified.”

You reach up and gently cup his cheek, wiping away the dark ash that sullied it with your thumb. “Like I said, love, I’m not going anywhere,” Your voice filled with reassurance, and you sit properly to kiss him softly, sealing your promise in that tender moment. 

But as with everything else, it was interrupted by an awkward cough behind you. 

“You guys done there? We still have some things to do?” Ron retorts. To which Hermione slaps him in the chest.

You laugh and hum in tease. “Well, actually I think we could do with some more snogging here.” Ron merely groans. “No, please. I don’t wanna see that.”

The both of you stand from where you sit, your hands still entwined, hearts racing. “Where’s Draco and Blaise, by the way?” You ask Theo. “They ran off somewhere.”

As they all stepped out of the corridor, they caught you up on what happened while you were unconscious. Harry had stabbed the diadem with a basilisk fang which Ron and Hermione retrieved from the Chamber and threw it back towards the Room of Requirement where it blew up into flames.

You look at Harry who was staring into the distance, his face still bearing the trace of the agony he must’ve endured when he stabbed the diadem.

“It’s the snake. She’s the last one. The last Horcrux.” Harry speaks up. 

“Where do you think he’ll take it?” Theo asks from beside you. “Somewhere safe. He’ll be keeping her close to him.”

“You should go ahead, Theo and I will stay here to help with the others.” You tell your friends, while Harry tries to locate Voldemort with his mind. 

“I know where he is.” He finally comes back. “Let’s go.”

“The three of you keep safe alright?” You remind them as you all run towards the battlefield, where many of your friends stand fighting. They nod, promising you that they will and in return make you and Theo swear you’ll be careful.

In the courtyard, where students and staff trade spells with the Death Eaters that littered across the school grounds, you quickly join them, making sure that you are in sight of the other. The unspoken promise to do so served as a beacon of comfort amidst the chaos you were faced with.

From the upper balcony, your eyes scanned the battlefield, assessing the danger that lurked when you saw a Death Eater poised to send a curse to Luna from behind. Without a second thought, you unleashed a forceful flick of your wand, sending a powerful spell toward the Death Eater which sent him tumbling through the air and straight to the waters beyond the castle.

Luna, whose signature dream-like demeanour was replaced by an expression of gratitude, turns and locks eyes with you. She offered you one of her wide smiles, “Thanks! Y/n, glad to see you back here!”

Your heart swelled with warmth for your friend. “Don’t mention it, happy to see you also, Luna.” You quickly reply before returning to battle when you are hit by a deafening blast straight on the chest. You were raised to the air before you crashed into the floor below.

Theodore Nott fought valiantly in the courtyard, proving to the others that the dark mark that covered his right arm bore no significance to the man. His wand moved in a blur of motion in the onslaught of Death Eater. His thoughts were empty save for the ever-present worry that plagued him for your safety.

From his vantage point on the ground level, he does a quick scan of the courtyard, his heart pounding in his chest. The grisly sight of students and friends, along with the staff all stood their ground against the dark forces that dared penetrate their home. It filled him with a mixture of pride and fear. 

And then, his eyes flicked onto a scene that made his heart skip a beat. From the upper balcony, he sees you with your wand in hand and your expression resolute as you defend Luna, a dear friend of yours. It filled him with a warm emotion at the sight of your strong determination to protect her.

But then in a blink of an eye, disaster struck. A blast struck you square in the chest, lifting you off your feet in shock and sending you crashing down. Theo’s heart which skipped a beat earlier had now wholly stopped, his blood turning to ice as he watched in horror.

With everything in him, he surges forward through the chaos to catch you before you fall down. But as he was still many steps away from you, you dropped full force into the stone ground. Panic fueled his every step as he ran towards your motionless form now with even more speed than he ever thought a human possibly could.

He feels his gut twinge at the bloody sight, a sickly feeling developing in the deep recesses of his body, the wand heavy in his hands then. His lips bore no sound as tried to call your name, his heart was twisted in his throat. 

He knelt beside you, pulling you into his lap and checking you for your injuries. To his relief, your breathing was still steady for what had just happened to you and you didn’t seem to take any damage to the head, Still, he carried your disoriented body in his arms bridal style.

As he began to stand, his eyes went back to where you had previously been, searching for the source of the blast that struck you down. And then, with a shock that sent chills down his spine, he sees a familiar old face.

His father.

He sets you down somewhere safe inside the castle, without taking his sight away from his father. By the time he returns back to where you both were, his father is now advancing towards him with a sinister, triumphant grin on his face. It was a face that had been both a source of fear and disappointment throughout his life. 

The face that caused his mother’s death.

“Father,” Theodore muttered, his voice laced with a blend of anger, disbelief, and a profound sense of betrayal. That despite all he’s done for him, his father still stood there with not an ounce of recognition that he was faced with his son. It was as if he had truly sunk to the depths of his loyalty to Voldemort and there was no other obligation for him except for his unwavering loyalty.

Their eyes were locked in a moment of tense, silent confrontation. He knew that this battle was only physical but also a battle of his loyalties. He had to protect you, he had to stand against his father, and he had to make a choice that would define the course of his life.

With the courtyard around them paying no specific attention to the father and son, it was only fair to say that everything else faded into the background for them too. Father and son. Standing on opposing sides, driven by their own convictions and beliefs, the younger no longer waited.

He was no, father, not in the true sense of the word. He was merely a shadow of a man, a heartless figure who stood there—grinning as if he had just claimed the grand prize in this twisted lottery. 

In that moment, he had not only attacked the one person who held his son’s heart after he took away the other one but he had also torn away the last remaining fragments of the bond that tied the two of them.

His father had no time to react when Theodore raised his wand in a swift manner, hurling him violently to the cold, unforgiving wall across the castle. He rained down curses after cruses upon his father’s assailable body, each blow driven by a potent combination of anger and a fierce desire to defend.

“Stay” He seethed, punctuating his rage with a curse. “Away” Another spell. “From” The onslaught of his attack never ceased despite the dawn that slowly began to fade into view. “Her!” Each word carried the weight of an entire lifetime’s amount of hurt as Theo relentlessly battered his father until he was left into nothing but a fraction of what he used to be.

His eyes are glazed and unfocused as he continues this torture until he comes to a grip on reality when strong arms pull him away. It takes him a moment to realise that the battle has ceased. 

The two people behind him dragged him away, from his father's still body. But still, his eyes remained locked onto him, unable to shift it away. The cold fire in him terrified the others that they had passed. They whispered that nothing could compare to the kind of fury and destruction that he was sure to rain upon his enemies.

“Wake up, Y/N. Please.” Theo’s voice quivered, his words trembling on the precipice of his emotions. His eyes, blurred by the veil of his tears, bore a weight drastically different than it did only hours ago.

Eyes that failed to veil the inner turmoil that plagued him. The entire battle against Voldemort had taken its toll on both of them, leaving them stranded from each other for nearly half a year, but seeing you this way…

He watched from a chair beside you as the healers worked diligently, silently begging them to look at you again, despite numerous assurances that you are now stable. His fingers unconsciously flexed at his sides, a manifestation of the anxiety that controls him. 

The fear of losing you, the anger towards his father, the overwhelming relief that you are alive– it all left him in a state of disconcerting.

As he waits for you to wake, he couldn’t help but reminisce on all that the both of you had been through. The trials, the secrets, the moments of love and laughter everywhere and anywhere. You were not just some person he loved; you were his best friend, his reason.

His eyes welled up with tears, and he wiped them away hastily. He needs to be strong for both of you, just as you will in your state of unconsciousness. He knew that your love had emerged stronger than ever in this crucible of war. So he made a silent promise to himself that he would do whatever it takes to take you away from any danger that dares creep upon you.

Finally, as if an eternity had passed, your voice broke through the silence. He jumps up in shock at the sound. You had slowly begun to stir in your makeshift bed in the Great Hall, your eyelids fluttering as you emerged from the depths of unconsciousness. The world felt hazy at first. But as your senses gradually returned, you became aware of the hustle and bustle of the people around you and you tried to call attention.

Theo sees that you were trying to say something but from the scratchy tone that instead came out, you were in need of some water so he ran to the nearest jug he found and helped you sit up so you could properly drink.

Then, as your vision cleared, you saw Theo sitting by your bedside and that he was the one that quenched the dryness that lined your throat., his eyes locked onto hers with a mixture of relief and worry.

His face broke into a gentle smile as he saw you recognize him. “Y/N” He whispered, his voice cracking as he began to cry once more. “You’re awake, you’re back. Thank Merlin!”

You manage a weak smile in return, your throat still dry and your body aching from the attack on you. You tried to speak, but your voice came out raspy. “Theo.”

Theo reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair from the side of your face, his touch gentle as ever. “You’re going to be okay.” He says, but it was more like he was also trying to convince himself. “You had me worried there for a while. I am this close to tying you up in a chair because you have caused me nothing but stress lately.”

As the both of you lay on the bed after you guilted him into laying beside you, your memories of the battle and the moments leading up to your injury slowly came back. You remembered Luna, the chaos, and the deafening blast that nearly took you away. But most of all, you remember the face of the person who did this to you.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you reached out to hold his hand, your fingers entwined in a silent, unspoken connection. “You must have been like a hero back there, then?” You gently try to ask him.

“More like a monster.” He mutters, unable to bring his eyes to you. The truth is he felt horrible after he finally calmed down. He was disgusted with himself and how he acted. He let his rage take control and acted like a monster. “What do you mean?”

“I was just like him, leaving him unable to fight back like he did to Mom and I back then. I just fired curses and curses at him. It was like a veil had draped over me and all I wanted was to protect you and destroy anything and anyone that dared harm you. ” 

You call his name. But he doesn’t respond and continues to stare off into the distance with a glazed-over expression. You reach out to cup his cheeks to pull his gaze towards you. “Theodore, look at me.”

He hums, now staring at you but still he can’t hide the tumultuous emotions that were a storm inside him. “You are not like your father, Theo.” You said softly. “Just from what you told me, you are a gazillion ways different from him. You didn’t cower behind the fear he caused you. Instead, you faced him head on, and defended not only me but also your mother from his cruelty.”

Theo looks at you, his eyes searching yours for affirmation. “How?” He meekly asks. 

“You took away the power that he boasts to have over you. '' You replied. Tone unwavering. “You showed him that you will never, ever, become anything like he is."

Your words hung in the air, a testament to Theo’s strength. At that moment, he realised that he had broken free from the shadows of his father’s influence and that he had chosen a different path. A path that is defined by love, courage, and a refusal to be controlled by his fear.

“I’m here because of you. I strived each day so that I could go back to you.” You whispered, your gaze never leaving Theo’s. “And I'm not going anywhere.”

Theo’s eyes shimmered with tears as he leaned in to gently kiss your forehead. “I love you.” He murmured, “I am in love with you, physically, rhetorically, every -ly.”

You laugh at his cheekiness, “I love you too.” You close your eyes for a moment, allowing yourself to drown in the wave of his love that washed over you. Giving his hands a squeeze as you raise them to lay a kiss upon the back of his hand.

In that Great Hall, amidst the scars of battle and the uncertainty of the future, they had found something precious in the very same place where two 11-year-old kids once locked eyes and found a connection.

masterlist

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

So like....my dad likes to play devils advocate

And ik normally when people do that its generally as a way to be racist/queerphobic/sexist and use "ahhh im just playing devils advocate" as a defense when people get mad at them

But I KNOW where my dad stands on things. He's very vocal about it. Despite the fact that he thinks of himself as moderate or a centrist or whatever....most of his viewpoints are much farther left than he believes they are. So we actually agree on a lot of things.

When he plays devils advocate its because he's trying to help people strengthen their stance. Which on its own isn't necessarily a bad thing.....the problem is he doesn't know the appropriate time to do that. Nor does he ask first. He just jumps right into trying to challenge your viewpoint regardless of the tone of the conversation. Regardless of what the conversation is even about. He wants you to defend your point to him.

And he holds back quite a bit with people he doesn't know as well. Because as you may have guessed, not many people react well to it. Most of his friends are alright with it.

And maybe for some kids, growing up with a parent like that may have strengthened their debate skills a bit. It did not for me. I shut down in debates. I need a lot of time to think through what im saying. And I need to be able to get my whole point out before the next person starts in with theirs. So if you interrupt me mid sentence I will lose my point to the endless void that is my brain. And possibly also the ability to speak.

But it also had the effect of making me extremely defensive when anyone asks me questions about things that matter to me. Bullying at school also contributed to that. So anytime anyone asks me about literally anything I like or enjoy or believe I feel like I have to debate it to the death. Which then fills me with anxiety because I don't want to do that.

Anyways there was no point to this other than thats something I need to work through

Itd be nice if my dad could work through his childhood trauma that makes him feel like he needs to be like this tho.

[machiavellli]

Some Theodore Nott headcanons˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

Notes: I’m no ff writer, but in the past couple of days @slytherinslut0 kept taking about him and so I went on the internet and did the only sane thing I had to do: search any piece of information about the actor. And ever since I discovered that Lorenzo Zurzolo is not only Italian, but from ROME, I can’t stop thing about him. I need to let out those thoughts of mine.

Now, you don’t understand. ROMAN GUYS LOVE ON ANOTHER LEVEL. Like this is very personal and subjective maybe BUT, in humble opinion, they become absolutely and utterly taken by you. It’s wonderful. Like maybe I am idolizing, but let’s take my bf as an example, Roman guy ™️, he loves like no one else. Then, girls from Lazio will probably throw tomatoes at me, but no one can stop me right now.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language, almost totally fluff. Based on personal experience. NOT PROOFREAD (class is starting RIGHT NOW)

Scusatemi per la probabilmente pessima interpretazione dei ragazzi romani, care personcine romane, io sono più del sud, ma vivo più a Nord, al Nord oltre al Nord (un bel mix if you ask me). Questa è pura esperienza personale che trasferisco su un personaggio immaginario.

-—-—-——-—-—

Theodore Nott, your Italian Slytherin guy:

He might take his time to decide if you are the one for him

BUT the moment he decides you are the one for him, he will take you out on a date in less than a week starting from now

There is no point on waiting any longer.

He will arrange the date, you just have to show up and look pretty, no need to lift a finger for anything else.

Old fashioned type of guy.

(And I feel like his fashion reflects that)

Will hold any door for you, move the chair for you, pay dinner and even your ride back home if necessary.

Maybe if you go with him for a walk after your dinner and the right atmosphere forms, you will have your first kiss with him. Something very delicate, soft, but still exciting.

He will probably ask to see you again the very next day, he can’t take enough of you.

As I said, I think Roman guys are pretty direct, they don’t waist their time, it’s either with them or nothing. No games to play.

So yeah, you might not be used to but he will ask you to be his girlfriend in a very little time (for me it was the day of my first date, but again, very personal)

Why should he wait? He likes you and that’s all that matters.

After that: you got him in a chokehold.

He will walk you to class. Every. Single. Day.

Will do absolutely anything just to spent more time with you.

He might be a little shy to start using “pet names”

Maybe he will start with a simple “amò” (short version of “love”), which is romantic, but not strictly, I also use it with my girl friends (and a more corrupted version is “amio”, but I use it only as a joke, but there are girls who actually use it and no shame on that)

Many guys usually refer to their girlfriends as “la mia tipa” (which I don’t like), and he will also do that at first, but once he gets comfortable he will always call you “la mia ragazza” (even in front of his friends)

And I have to advise you on that, he will tell you that infamous “ti amo” pretty soon too.

Again: no time to die (is this an actual English saying or am I just make it up right now?boh)

You two are watching the sunset, when you notice that he’s not looking at the sky anymore but at you

A couple of minutes pass by and you ask “what is it?”

With those big beautiful eyes and that smirk of his, he will look at you and just say “nothing amore, ti amo”

He won’t expect for you to say it back

You can wait as long as you like for telling it back, there’s no rush, no pressure to say it back

Your moroso (usually adults use this term but for me it’s cute) just wanted to let you know that he cares about you.

He will literally say “because it felt right, why should I wait?”

My man is just expressing what he feels

And you want to say no to that???crazyyyy

As I already stated, he is so kind with you and with some time he will absolutely let you know that his love language is touch.

At first in your first months of dating it’s just holding hands, an arm around you shoulder, an arm on your waist,…

And at first he won’t be always touching (and with it I mean the things I listed above) you in public.

Mama’s boy is direct but still has light sheer of shyness

How could he not. He finds you beautiful under every light.

BUT THEN

And with it I mean after you get intimate, which will take a a couple of months

Listen, if things are serious in real life, it takes a bit of time…so’ seria io quindi per me funziona così

After that he will and without holding back always touching you in public (WHICH DOESNT MEAN IN A SENSUAL WAY)

He will hold your hand, put a hand on your thigh,… this type of stuff. He just needs to know you are here with him.

Definitely the type of guy that tries to kiss you even at the worst moments.

You are speaking with someone? What does it mean that he can’t kiss you? Ao non scherziamo qua

You are his and he definitely doesn’t share

(And he’s definitely yours don’t worry, absolutely don’t worry.)

Jealous type of of guy.

Let’s be honest here: he won’t be happy about your guy friends (maybe I’m toxic but I won’t be happy about his girl friend that are not my friend first too)

If you can drop them, it’s for the best.

“Io so che cazzo pensano quelli” he will tell you a bit frustrated

My man just wants to protect you, Italian guy ™️ behavior (very common in my opinion for them to be protective, like last week an Italian guy, a friend 🅰️🅾️, from the north literally shielded me from a weird-looking fella, moving me to the other side of the street)

Sometimes he will just look at you and say “sei bellissima” with the cutest smile known to human kind

Or maybe something like “Lo sai che sei proprio bella?” while he similes at you

And yes, he will tell you always and everywhere, even with a whisper during class just to get you flushed, even if you look like shit <3

You will often find asking to yourself how a person can love you so much, care for you so much.

Like this is not a self esteem problem, even if you are extremely confident: you will ask yourself this.

Because in every flaws he finds beauty.

It’s out of this world.

He won’t in fact tolerate you taking shit about yourself and he might be even be rude about it

“Smettila con ste cazzate.”

He can’t comprehend how you could say that about yourself, “la sua amata e diletta” (si si lo so, “diletta” è come Machiavelli definisce sua moglie e sì non c’entra per nulla, ma volevo aggiungerlo, non rovinatemi la magia)

He will talk with you about your future, about how he would like to have kids with you, “pensa che bello avere dei piccoli noi che corrono in giro per casa”

And then, this one is extremely based on personal experience, after some time he will just start saying “I wanna marry you”, “Ti voglio sposare”

Even during random moments, he will look at you and just say it

Like, it doesn’t mean you are getting married right now. No. It just means that he wants you forever, he won’t leave you.

He will make you happy in every way possible (yeah even in the bedroom)

Cuddling you is THE activity for him.

And if he can lay between your thighs, that’s basically haven. He won’t stop saying “così soffici” and then kiss them.

He also loves kissing you, as passionate as it gets.

He will “hold you hair in deep devotion” (he is so “I wanna be yours” coded)

Also: “say yes to haven” coded.

He will always protect you, no matter against who.

He will choose you over anything.

If his friend are rude to you or say ANYTHING bad about you, they are over, he won’t tolerate any form of aggression on you.

You are the only woman in this world for him…like even an angel could walk by and he would still have his eyes on you only.

He won’t even look at other girls anymore, why should he? He has found la sua anima gemella dopotutto.

In the end, you really will become il suo tesoro, and the nickname tesoro will probably be the most used one.

“Ti amo tantissimo”, ti dirà ogni sera prima di darti la buonanotte.

-—-—-——-—-—

-> part II

Ahh ​Roman guys are my Roman Empire.

My asks are open btw!

[fir3ylolol]

we want you!

pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader

summary: The hot military rep on your college campus finally talks to you, but what happens when he gives you his number?

word count: 2.4 k

tw: vaginal sex, vaginal penetration, oral sex, cunnilingus, afab!reader, very light dom/sub, sub!reader, gentle dom!johnny, he still whimpers tho, kind of anonymous sex, making out, biting, praise, hes actually rly sweet, smut, porn with plot

a/n: DILF JOHNNY DILF JOHNNY im so happy with how this turned out!! OH! and I've got another mk1 johnny fic halfway done so keep an eye out for that :))

other parts

Ao3

It wasn’t really fair to call you a college student. Were you still actively going to college? Yes, but! You were studying for your master’s degree. Totally not the same thing.

So you didn’t feel that bad about paying attention to the very hot military representative that you always saw on campus. He was insanely built for an older guy, tall and graying near the temples. Black sunglasses always cover his eyes, you couldn't tell if he was cocky or just avoiding the kids on campus. You wanted to talk to him but honestly? He made you sort of nervous.

He’s just so handsome and confident, nodding your way every time you pass him. But finally, after a couple of months, you decide it’s your turn to be confident. He’s stood next to a table under a pop-up canopy, looking around for more people to scout. You walk directly towards him, trying not to falter any of your steps. He finally notices you, quirking an eyebrow and smirking your way.

Fuck, that’s even hotter.

But it’s too late to back out now, as you stop a few feet from him. Nervous to meet his eyes, you clear your throat and manage to ask, “How’s the military this time of year?” He chuckles lightly, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose. “It’s not too bad. You know, I’ve seen you around campus, but you always seemed like you were in such a hurry that I didn’t want to bother you.” You mentally curse yourself for pretty much scaring him off.

“Well, you know how it is. Places to go, subjects to study. I have been wondering why you haven’t said anything to me. I always see you chatting with other students. I just figured it was because I wasn’t the right material.” You try to be less nervous and casual, leaning against the table as well. He looks down and laughs again, taking his sunglasses off and tucking them into his tactical vest. He looks up, wide brown puppy dog eyes meeting yours.

Shit, can he stop being so hot??

“Nah, you’re too good for us, you’re needed out here. Besides, they only have me out here for star power.” You look quizically at him. I guess he did look sort of familiar. Then it hit you. “Oh shit, you’re Johnny Cage!.” He laughs again, who knew you were this funny?? “You just realized? I guess I’m not as famous as I once was. That, or without the tattoo, you can’t really tell.” He unzips the vest slightly and pulls his collar down, showing hints of a large tattoo of his own name across his chest. You fluster slightly at his show, “Wow, yeah, that makes a big difference. Wait, why are you in the military?” He sighs, scratching the back of his head. “Well, my ex-wife basically recruited me and honestly, it’s been more fulfilling than being an actor.”

And there it is, the awkward reason that someone so hot is single. Coughing lightly, you look away. “A-ah, well, that’s…good.” Sensing that he might’ve just said something a little uncomfortable, he quickly grabs a leaflet and pen from the table and scribbles something on it. “Hey, I feel bad about taking up so much of your time. Here.” He hands it to you, sticking it almost directly into your arms. As you take it and look at the very rushed writing of what looks like his phone number, he flashes a signature smile. “So we can continue our conversation at your leisure.” Folding it up and putting it in your pocket, you try to smile back as confidently. “How kind of you, Johnny. I’ll take you up on that.” As you begin to walk away, you hear Johnny call after you. “Wait! What’s your name?” Turning around slightly, you wave and yell back, “Take me out first!” He laughs slightly and puts his sunglasses back on, light glinting off them mischievously. 

As you get back to your place, you pull the paper out and put it on your bed. This is crazy, you know? He’s like twice your age at least. And a celebrity! But…he wouldn’t give you his number unless he wanted you to text him. But not yet. You didn’t want to seem desperate. You decide to eat a bit of food and check on your grades, trying to ignore your nerves. You can only wait so long though, and you grab the paper again. Putting his number in, you take way too long to figure out what to say. God, you feel like a middle schooler, getting nervous about some cute guy. But you finally pull the trigger, sending a simple hello and hoping that you were the only person he gave his number to.

He responds almost too quickly, immediately recognizing you and being happy that you decided to message him. You smile at his words, then quickly shake your head, embarrassed at how quickly you were getting giggly over him. But you can’t stop yourself, half-flirty messages sent back and forth the rest of the day. Man, a guy like this is dangerous. He’s smart, funny, secure in himself, and genuinely so nice. Plus, he spends half the time talking about you, asking questions, and seeming truly interested. It’s hard to find a guy like that.

As day turns to night, you get ready for bed. As you lay down in bed for mindless social media time, you get a text from Johnny. As you click on it, your eyes widen in shock. A selfie of him, laid out on a hotel bed, completely shirtless with wet hair lights up your screen. Finally able to see the full tattoo, plus the insane muscles he has, you need a second to catch your breath. He captioned it ‘ready 4 bed, but hotel beds r always uncomfortable’. You feel like you’re drooling over him, how can a 50-year-old look like that?? He quickly sends a ‘hope youre feeling comfy’ and you feel compelled to take a pic for him. Fixing your hair and lighting in preparation, you make sure that your pajamas are actually cute. After way too many tries, you get the perfect one. You send it with the caption ‘oh u know it ;)’ and immediately throw it onto your bed, nerves absolutely shot. After a few seconds, your phone buzzes. And buzzes again. And again.

Picking it back up with shaking hands, you see his praise flooding in. ‘oh wow’, ‘you look so good like that’, ‘comfy is definitely a good look on you’, and ‘ur room is so cool too’ are amongst the least of the texts he’s sent. After a short pause, a final text arrives.

‘i didnt think you could get hotter but you proved me very wrong’

All of a sudden, you lose the walls you set up to hold yourself back. The mood is switched rapidly, and honestly? You are no longer nervous about talking to him. It’s time to have fun.

Y: ‘you think im hot?’

J: ‘of course, i have eyes you know’

Y: ‘i mean, i thought i was too young for you’

J: ‘i wont say i didnt notice, but honestly, if you dont mind i dont’

Y: ‘perfect’

J: ‘god, youre so hot’

Y: ‘youre not so bad yourself. dont think i didnt notice those muscles’

J: ‘i was that obvious huh? sorry, i couldnt help myself’

Flirting back and forth, you begin to lose your inhibitions even more. Flirty turns to sensual to almost overtly sexual. Something weird about what happens when the sun goes down. Like a horny werewolf. That was, until, he sent the exact right message.

J: ‘i wish i could see you rn, teasing over text can only do so much’

Holding your breath, you can’t stop yourself from a much too bold text.

Y: ‘come over then’

J: ‘what’

Y: ‘come over, you said you dont like hotels and you wanna see me’

Y: ‘here (address)’

Y: ‘your move hollywood’

J: ‘omw’

Freezing and realizing what you did, you rush to pick up your house a little. It wasn’t messy but still. Nerves. It’s a surprisingly short wait until you hear a gentle knock at the door. Seeing him stand there in the pajama pants you saw earlier and a jacket, you unlock the door. Both of you stand there, waiting and breathing. Finally, he steps in, his right hand shooting to your waist and left hand closing the door behind him. Quickly, his lips meet yours in a messy clash, tongue and teeth and desperation. Finally, you pull away, panting and trying to catch your breath. Your brain finally processes that it’s really him, touching you, standing right there.

And it’s not too long before you begin to kiss him again, hands wrapped around his neck. His hands travel lower, squeezing your ass with a groan. With surprising ease, he picks you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. He breaks away again, asking in a breathy voice, “Bedroom?” With a nod, you manage to get out, “That way.” He starts the kiss back up, walking towards your room.

You expect him to toss you down on your bed. You’re kind of used to jacked guys having too big of an ego in bed. But he leans down gently, placing your back on the bed. His lips move down, kissing your jaw, neck, and chest, leaving little bites and hickeys along the way. You shiver at the feeling, he's much more tender than you expected, but you’re not complaining. One of his hands slides under your top, swiftly removing it. The cool air of the room can only be felt for a few seconds before his warm tongue latches onto one of your nipples, coarse fingers lightly twisting the other. Light moans slip from your lips as his other hand caresses your hip. He groans at the sound, pulling away slightly to mutter out, “Shit, you sound so good, baby.”

Continuing to play with you, his free hand travels lower. He finally dips below your waistband, quickly finding your wetness, another moan escaping his lips. Finally breaking away, he moves lower, crouching on the ground next to the bed. Slowly, he pulls the last of your clothes off. You’re fully exposed in front of him as he practically eats you up with his eyes. Placing chaste kisses against your pussy, he dives in, licking with a fervor.

Unable to hold yourself back, pornstar moans pour from your mouth. It eggs him on further, moaning against your sensitive clit, and gently curls a finger inside you. Pulling away to breathe, he rasps out, “You taste just as good as you sound. And feel even better.” He keeps working at you, pushing you closer and closer to cumming. Another finger pumps inside you, his thumb rubs your clit, and his free hand grabs the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. He notices you about to finish, rapid pants and breathy moans, and leans in to whisper in your ear, “Come on love, come for me. Let me feel that pretty pussy clench around my fingers. Put on a show for me baby.” And there you go, grabbing onto his shoulder and throwing your head back, cumming around his fingers. He slowly removes his fingers, admiring you while lewdly sucking on them. That earns another groan from him and he cleans his fingers, not waisting a drop.

“Good job, you did so good for me.” He kisses your forehead, quickly removing his shirt. “You ready for more?” In your half-fucked out state, you nod rapidly as he finishes taking his pants off. God damn, aren’t older guys supposed to lose testosterone or something? Rippling muscles littered with light freckles, salt and pepper hair swept out of his eyes, and cock fully erect and waiting. He scoots you onto the bed further, climbing on after you. As he kneels at your legs, he looks down hungrily. He leans in and kisses you, body leaning onto yours. With a final questioning look, which is met with a resounding “yes please” from you, he lines himself up with you.

Slowly, he sheaths himself in you, hissing at the sensation, “Oh god, you feel so fucking good, so tight around me.” Your legs wrap around his waist again, pulling him even closer. It takes you a while to adjust, gentle kisses on the lips to distract you. With a final kiss against his cheek to reassure him, he begins to move faster and faster, grinding against you with each thrust. He’s unable to hold back from loud moans and whines. Readjusting, he leans back and grabs your legs, setting them against his chest. He starts fucking you even harder, nearly knocking the wind out of you. Both of you are definitely annoying your neighbors, loud and unabashedly lost in the feeling. He can’t help the praises falling from his lips, rasps of “so good”, “you sound so sexy”, “you look so good under me”, and “I’ve wanted this for so long, you don’t understand”. The lewd sounds that fill the room are drowned out completely by you two. He seems proud of how you bounce below him, hands desperately searching for a hold on him.

Moving your legs back around his waist and leaning down, his pace is relentless and he’s lost the rhythm in his movements. You kiss against his tattoo, biting lightly against it, which earns another delicious whimper from Johnny. He starts to snap his hips especially hard as you begin to scratch lightly against his shoulders and back, whining out “gonna come, ‘m gonna come”. There’s almost no time to react before his hips snap in violently one last time, coming deep in you. A final moan escapes his lips as his hips stutter with the force of his orgasm and how much physical effort this required. Both of you breathe heavily, trying to regain some composure. He's trembling slightly at how hard he came, pressing his forehead against yours. He pulls out very slowly, a light whimper at the feeling as he lays down next to you. After a long pause, he starts to speak again, voice shaky but words confident.

“So I’ve got two questions for you. Can I know your name now, and do you wanna go again?"

[magics-neptunes-things]

Fire and Ice 2

Hi guys!

Here is the part 2 of Fire and Ice, I try to pick a suggestion an anon made yesterday so I hope it will be fun to read :)

And it’s actually much longer than I imagined at first.

Keep telling me what you think about my writing, I love to read you.

Enjoy!

PART 1 ______________________________________________________________

The next time you saw Leah was two days after your kiss. She was kind of moody, all the team was supposed to take the team picture and the weather wasn't really nice.

Even if you didn’t stop thinking about this kiss, you didn’t try to talk to her. Or at least you didn't do anything else than creep every picture on her Instagram or the firsts videos of her TikTok. And the more you find yourself watching these videos, the more you fall in love with Leah. The way you felt during this kiss is always present and you just have to think about it to feel them again. It never happened to you before and you don't know what to do about it.

Arriving the last ones with Alessia, with whom you make the trips to the stadium, you don't have the courage to go and greet everyone. You just smile and wave, but your gaze lingers for a few more seconds on Leah. With her umbrella, she seems to complain to a Lia who have an amused look on her side.

After this day you didn't really have the opportunity to see her. However, what you don't know is that she sometimes observes you from the physio center where she continues to follow her exercises to return to the field with you. Despite the tinted windows, she sometimes has the impression that you feel her gaze on her given the way you turn in her direction.

**************

The next time you really have the opportunity to see her, it's for the next team evening. This time it was organized by Lia and you gladly accept when she ask you to come over. You managed to sit on the sofa with direct look to the kitchen where Leah is, in the middle of a discussion with two or three other teammates, allowing you to look at her without it being too obvious. This will not stop you from getting caught by Leah herself watching her, several times. But each time you just smile at her before looking away, without even taking the time to check that she gives it back to you.

Pizza were eaten and the first film finished when Beth and Katie approach you with a big smile, sitting each on either side of you. You were talking with Frida about Norway, you missed your country a little bit, but your conversation was quickly stopped. From the corner of your eye, you notice that Leah sits down more straight on the other sofa, a look of frustration on her face.

"So!" Katie begin as you raise an eyebrow at here "We made you a Tinder account."

"You what?"

To be honest, you really thought they’d forgotten about you meeting someone. The subject hadn't been discussed since and you didn't even think to tell Frida about it, the kisses you exchanged with Leah making you forget what else had happened during this evening.

"What’s all this about?" Frida asked with a deep frown, taking her role of big sister a little too much at heart.

"Well, Y/N is single, young, cute and really hot. She need to find someone to take care of her and give her the love she deserved" Beth answers, like it was the most logical thing ever.

You whispers something about the love of god on your mother language, hiding your face behind your hand.

"Told you it was stupid of you" Leah mumble from her couch.

You look at her between your fingers, but you are quickly interrupted by Beth who removes your hand from your face to show you her phone screen.

"Look!" she says happily while you take it in your hand.

Tinder was open on your profile and you look at what they might have written or said about you.

"Where did you find this picture?" you asked, as it was one you take from your last summer holiday.

"Google, i think. Dunno" Katie shrugs.

"I'm single and ready to mingle. Really?"

Beth and Katie both laughs as you roll your eyes, giving Beth's phone back. You’re trying to take this lightly, even if you must admit that it makes you a little uncomfortable. If the information that a profile in your name is on a application like this comes to your parents, you’re not sure you can handle their questions. Frida, on the other hand, seems rather suspicious and a glance at Leah informs you that she's still looking at the scene with a gloomy face.

"And it's not finish! We already managed to arrange two dates for you. We didn't know which kind of girl you like, so we take a brunette and a blonde. You just have to cancel the one you don't like."

You remain completely amazed this time, simply not knowing what to answer. It was Leah who did it for you, getting up from the couch, too angry to stay on the couch.

"This is some bullshit, making up a date from Tinder? What are you looking to? Get her murdered to get her place on the team?"

"She's right" Frida add, frowning. "I don't want to find her in the news, other than for her athletic talents."

"You both are overreacting. She will be safe" Katie shrugs.

"Blond or brunette?" Beth asks you, ignoring the others.

Your gaze flies away for a split second towards Leah, before you respond in a whisper that you prefer blondes.

**************

A few days later, you find yourself at the date that you haven't planned at all, clearly not totally comfortable with the girl that your teammates have selected for you. She realized very fast that the way you talk isn't the same that it was on the application, so you confessed the truth. It didn’t seem to bother her, but rather to amuse her. After your meal at the restaurant, she offered to continue the evening in a bar a little further down the street and you agreed. You can’t deny people things.

You’re having a hard time concentrating on what she’s telling you, stupidly excited about something else. One little thing, too. But Leah did a post last night on your last game and in her photo drop she posted one of you accompanied by a goat emoji and a crown. And it gives you far too much pleasure for it to be innocent. But again, Emma, who seems to be particularly the kind to forgive people, doesn’t seem to pay much attention to it.

Speaking of attention, you haven't shown much either since you didn't realize that the woman who has been haunting your thoughts for almost three weeks is actually a few meters from you.

Leah managed to snatch the name of the restaurant you were supposed to meet Emma from Beth and simply decided to take you as a fillature. Officially to watch over you and make sure nothing happens to you. Unofficially because she’s mad as hell just thinking about the stupid idea of her two friends. Like you need a Tinder date to meet someone.

As she watches you talking to that damn blonde, she tries to determine the real reasons why she came here. Because the truth is, she hasn’t stopped thinking about your kiss either. And it annoys her like crazy, but after trying to ignore you for almost two weeks, these idiots of Beth and Katie decided to throw you in the arms of the first person coming.

And even though she’s consumed with jealousy to see you so comfortable with Emma, unlike what you’ve never been with her, Leah can’t help but feel satisfied seeing you get lost in your thoughts sometimes as Emma talks. Emma can certainly not realize it since she doesn't know you, but Leah has been watching you for two weeks and can now determine the different expressions of your face.

She followed you to the bar discreetly, there also satisfied to see the physical distance that you put between you two while you were walking. She saw the way Emma tried to grab your arm to walk and the skillful way you went away, while remaining polite. It reassured her a little, too, proving that despite your shyness you can say no.

The bar you chose doesn’t have a very good reputation (something you don't know) and Leah is happy to have followed you, just in case. The crowd being denser than in the restaurant, she sometimes loses sight of you from her table while you are installed in the bar with Emma. She isn't disturbed on her side, her icy look sufficient to keep away any human being having a little common sense.

**************

The discussion with Emma is rather light, but not transcendent either. She seems rather kind and it makes you a little sad not to be able to give her the attention she probably deserves. But you can’t help but think about Leah and it makes you half crazy. While you and Emma were walking down the street, you were wondering, for example, where would Leah have preferred to take you after the restaurant instead of listening to Emma talk about her work.

"I'm going to the bathroom" you say right after you order your second drink.

On your way to the toilet, you take the opportunity to take a look at your phone and send a message to Frida and Alessia to inform them that you are still alive. And you end up on Leah’s Instagram page, pouting when you see she doesn’t post anything. When you return, you inform Emma that after you finish your drink you will go home. You’re getting tired and the heat at the bar doesn’t help you feel better.

She takes it with a smile, not even asking if you will be able to see each other again next time. It makes you hope a little that she realized that you didn’t necessarily have sparks between both of you. Perhaps she could become a friend, but certainly not a love interest.

"Are you all right?" Emma asks you frowning a few minutes later.

With your eyes closed, you shake your head negatively, using all your strength of mind not to fall off your stool. Your head turns atrociously and you have the impression that the food you ingested a few hours earlier is just waiting to come out.

"Bathroom" is the only word you managed to say.

You try to get up, but it’s only Emma’s hand catching your arm that keeps you from falling. It's no longer your head that turns, but the whole room while the sounds of conversations or atmosphere of the bar reach you as if you had your head under the water.

"Come with me, I'll help you ok?" Emma tells you nicely by helping you to the bathroom.

As you reach the door, a voice intervenes and you must focus to understand what it says.

"Let her go. Now."

"Who are you?"

The unknown voice doesn't respond, but you feel much more toned and assertive arms seize your waist, rather delicately though. A fresh, pleasant hand lands on your forehead and only then that you recognize the smell of Leah’s perfume. The white fear that gripped her voice prevented you from recognizing her.

Hardly opening your eyes, blinded by the light of the toilet, you only see two babyblue eyes before sinking definitively.

**************

When you regain consciousness, despite your closed eyes, it only takes you a few seconds to remember what just happened. Opening your eyes abruptly, you suddenly sit in the bed in which you are. You’ve read too many stories that end badly because of drugs ingested without consent.

"Wow, slow down cowboy"

Leah get up from the chair next to you, lightly pushing your elbow to make you lie down again.

"Leah? What are you doing here? Wha- What happened to me?"

"It's ok sweatheart. You're safe. Breath, ok?"

Leah doesn't answer your question but the pet name she gave you make you forget this point. The softness of the tone she just used and her hand that delicately releases your hair from your face causes you like electric mini-currents throughout all your body. Is it normal to react like that to such a banal gesture?

But the black hole in your memory continues to torment you, you need to know.

"Do you know what happened to me?" you ask quietly, raising your eyes on her.

Leah bites her lips and you imagine already the worst, but she doesn't let the suspense remain too long.

"They think someone put something in your glass. Your girlfriend swore it wasn’t her, so they’ll look for who it might be. Even if you decide not to press charges the bar did so then they will look anyway. But no one touch you, I promise."

"She's not my girlfriend" you mumble, sinking yourself in the pillow.

"Whatever" Leah grumble, pulling the chair next to your bed to be near you.

"What are you doing here Leah?" you ask again, looking at her.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Of course not. You’ve never been alone with her in a room so long and you’re secretly thrilled that she’s here to take care of you. You’re worried about her leaving.

"No"

A few seconds of silence passed after your answer, to which Leah replied only with a nod, before returning to speak.

"I followed you"

You did not expect this answer and your head turns so sharply in her direction that Leah doesn't have time to hide her slight red cheeks.

"Why?"

"I'm your captain. I’m supposed to look after you."

You nod, a little disappointed with this answer. Your eyes continue to scan Leah’s face, who always seems to refuse to look at you. After a few seconds of hesitation, you gently place your hand on hers. You notice with relief that she doesn't remove it, despite her look on your hands.

"It's weird"

"What?" you ask, frowning.

Her eyes plunge into yours and you find yourself breathless in front of so much intensity.

"The way you make me feel"

You feel your heart miss a beat, before it start beating way too fast. You swallow your saliva but suddenly find yourself unable to say a word.

"Don't tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed Y/N. I can't stop to think about it. I can't stop looking at you even if I don't want to because that's fucking scare me. I never fell this way before, even though I didn’t kiss almost two hundred people like Beth implied the other night. I mean, of course I noticed you because like Katie said, it’s hard not to. But we never really talked, and now I’m just thinking about you all the time. It doesn’t fucking make sense."

You're stunned, one more time. But Leah has been honest with you and you owe her the truth, too.

"You impressed me. That’s why I never really came to talk to you. I was afraid you might think I was stupid or immature."

"You used the past. Does that mean you don’t think I’m impressive anymore?" Leah asks you with a smirk.

Despite everything you can't help but smile slightly.

"No. I feel it even stronger, because you’re not the only one who has those kisses in mind all the time. I didn’t know you felt the same way."

Your heart keeps beating fast and you are relieved not to have a heart rate displayed on a machine, nothing would have been more embarrassing than that.

Leah’s gaze scans your face and you take the opportunity to do the same, admiring her features more openly than ever.

"Would it be inappropriate to kiss you now?"

Smiling softly, you respond negatively with a nod. You didn’t think your heart could pick up its pace again when you realized that Leah is approaching your face. Very slowly, allowing you to largely anticipate what will happen.

A breath escapes from your mouth when her lips ghost yours.

"Stay still" she whispers.

And you need all your strength of concentration to lie down and not break the last millimeters between your lips. But eventually it happens, Leah’s lips gently settling on yours. With the tip of your thumb, you caress her cheek for the few seconds that the kiss lasts.

It may have been a simple kiss and not a session of long making out, but the fireworks are back. You find yourself immersed in the blue of Leah’s eyes when you open yours again, shining with the same light you saw when you were at her home.

"I want more" you whispers and she smiles.

Delicately, you draw her with you on your bed and she willingly lets herself be guided.

You’re the one who initiates the next kiss, now that you know you have the right to do it. The sensations you find on her lips make you feel like you can breathe completely again. You spend a few moments rediscovering her lips, before sliding the tip of your tongue on her lower lip. You take advantage of Leah’s moan to slide your tongue into her mouth, starting a playful battle to determine which of the two will win.

When you separate from her to catch your breath, you feel her chasing your lips for a new kiss that you cannot refuse her. The truth is you don’t want this moment to end. But this eventually happens when a nurse enters the room right after knocking. Leah detaches herself from you to cast a bad look at the professional who blushes like a tomato.

"Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t know…" she stammers and you have to bite your lips not to burst out laughing.

"What do you need?" asked Leah coldly.

"I just came to check that everything was fine"

"I’m fine, thank you" you answer with a smile, not to traumatize this poor nurse.

She nods and waits a few more seconds without moving, requiring a steady look from Leah with both eyebrows raised so that she gets out of the room, apologizing again.

"Stop impressing people" you smile, gently smacking her shoulder.

Leah turns her attention to you with a smirk and lays a softer kiss on your lips this time. Laughing softly at the visible disappointment on your face, she wraps a strand of your hair around her finger.

"As much as I would literally spend the rest of my day kissing you, I would like to make things clear right now"

"Ok?" you answer, feeling the anxiety slowly coming back.

You push yourself to the side of the bed to let Leah settle next to you, which she does by lying on the side her head supported by her hand.

"I know I’m not easy, I’m unpredictable, and sometimes I have trouble myself figuring out why I’m reacting like this. I am unbearable when it comes to food. I am jealous but I hate being so sometimes I pout for like two days without succeeding in explaining why. I’m really not the perfect girlfriend, every time I wanted to surprise someone it went wrong."

You don’t say anything, listening to Leah talking about herself, maybe not in the best way, wondering where she wants to go by telling you all this.

"But I think I’m a caring person, who knows how to take care of those she loves and remember things. I love cuddling in the morning, singing like crazy while burning my breakfast and taking baths. And I think I’ll love all these things even more if you share them with me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship, but I want to try with you. I promise you to never hurt you. Let me get this right and let me take you on a date as soon as you get out of here."

"I would love that, Leah"

"Yes?"

"Yes" you answer, your smile illuminating your face.

She smiles back and you lean for another kiss. Leah doesn’t let you, however, putting an index on your lips at the last moment.

"One last thing"

"What?" you ask, hiding your frustration.

"I never want to hear about this damn Emma again."

You laugh while rolling your eyes. Despite her, Leah smiles softly and finally decides to interrupt your laughter by kissing you.

[ju1cyfru1t]

ROTTMNT x Reader

s/o on their period hcs

Rise! Leo, Raph, Donnie, Mikey x Reader

fluff :D, afab reader, romantic, mentions of blood, MENSTRUATION 🤞, swearing, Leo being stupid 🤌

Leo

- He didn’t know what menstruation was until you told him

- “Wait, wait, wait. Slow down a sec. You’re telling me you BLEED out of your...you know, for a whole week every single month? …and you don’t, like, die?”

- I’m not going to lie to you, he’s a little disgusted. Not by you, but more so the whole bleeding and shedding your uterine lining thing.

- Lowkey hates your period more than you do

- glares at your uterus /hj

- “Uuuuggghhhhh, why does it have to get in the way of everything?” “Hey, don’t blame me! Blame god for that.” “Gods a bit of a dick, if you ask me.”

- If you believe he isn’t going to make period jokes, you are SORELY mistaken

- OF COURSE he’ll come over and cuddle if you ask. He’ll use any excuse he can to see you.

- “I mean, if you really need me that bad-“ “shut the hell up, Leo.” “ok sorry.”

- most likely to piss you off (bc he’s stupid)

- massages your lower stomach and is surprisingly good at it

- watches your fav movies and shows w/ you

- tries to make you laugh so you’ll feel better if you’re not in a good mood or cramping

- agrees with everything you say when you’re ranting about something or someone (he’s scared not to)

- he doesn’t know what the hell a pad is let alone a tampon or menstrual cup

- bust out the water bottle and tampon to show him how it works and he’s gagging

- “oh my god…it gets bigger like that??? In your…oh god-“

- he’s on edge the whole time with your mood swings

- “Must be nice to be a MAN.” “How is that my fault?”

- “it’s OUR period, babe. Uter-US.”

Raph

- terrified

- he can hear you bleeding

- “what’s a uterus?” JK JK JK (maybe)

- he also didn’t know what a period is, and still doesn’t really, fully understand after you explain but still supportive nonetheless

- “you shed your uterine what now?”

- “Right, right…and you bleed out of where?…OH-“

- he just really doesn’t get how you deal with it all

- he knows you’re in pain, bleeding, and uncomfortable. that’s all he needs to know to not like it at all.

- he is SPRINTING 🏃‍♀️ to get you whatever you need (frantically)

- pain killers? chocolate? hot tea? a heating pad? a pad/tampon? to be held? don’t even worry, Raph’s getting it for you.

- he would reach into a pit of burning hot coal and crush them into diamonds if you asked him to

- if you have them, your mood swings are making him nervous

- “Raphael, stop staring at me like that.” “sorry.”

- will be your shoulder to cry on and just listen if you need to rant (even if you’re being unreasonable)

- offers to let you hold his teddy bears for support

- you want him to come over? he’s knocking on your window not even 5 minutes later. you want to go over? of course! you want to be alone? no problem, just let him know if you need him.

- he really just can’t stand to see you in pain or sad. (or angry)

- “I know it hurts…it’s ok, Raph’s got you.”

- asks April for advice

Donnie

- Obviously he at least knows what a period is, just not all the gory details. Who do you take him for? Leo?

- He does his research when he starts dating you so he can be prepared

- He’s really trying not to think about the fact that you bleed 24/7 for a week every month of every year. All that blood- he just can’t do it. It’s not by any means a comfortable subject for him.

- Being comforting is not his strong suit, but he tries his best (sort of)

- keeps some extra pads and tampons in his lab for you (and April) if disaster ever struck

- also has a stash of pain killers (big forehead = big headaches JK I LOVE HIM I SWEAR)

- tracks your cycle. and dreads the couple of days leading up to and of your period.

- ^ “By the way, ugh…you’re gonna start menstruating tomorrow.”

- Yes, he refers to it only as menstruation.

- “Don’t be like that, Y/N.” “Be like WHAT?” “Wait, no..that’s not what- I didn’t mean- please don’t cry-“

- he is stressing

- ^ “Y/N, I can’t know what you want unless you tell me!”

- makes hot tea for you

- claims he could come up with and invent something to “take away all your pain” but tbh I wouldn’t trust that if I were you

- pats and rubs your back for support w/ cramps

- “Donnie, it hurts so baaaaad.” “Shhh, I know it does. Just relax.”

- massages your lower stomach pt.2 not as surprisingly, he is good at it but he’s just skilled with his hands in general (NOT IN A FREAKY WAY YOU FREAKS)

- He will 100% come over and lay with you in your bed if that’s what you ask for

- Sigh. Will let you cuddle in his bed if you swear on your mother you’re not going to leak on him or his bed

- Asks April for advice (poor April)

Mikey

- BEST BF EVER <333

- Has heard of menstruation (mostly misinformation), but he’s never had to worry about it until you started dating

- will let you explain exactly what it is and why it happens

- “Wait- a whole week?! You don’t just bleed it all out at once?” my sweet, sweet boy

- very sympathetic and open about it. He can’t deny it’s a little icky, but it’s your body’s natural function and it’s not like you can help it at all so he’s very understanding

- recognizes your PMS very well. whether you get really irritable, energetic, emotional, etc.

- after the first couple cycles he sees you go through, he starts to be able to read your needs to some extent

- cooks and bakes for you 👩‍🍳 really anything you’re craving as long as it’s within reason

- holds you anywhere and any way you want him to

- it’s like he can feel your pain

- “Shhhhh, it’s ok. I understand.” “..no, you don’t.” “you’re right.”

- gets you pain killers if you need some

- pretty good at handling your mood swings

- If you’re a crier on your monthly (like me) he wipes away your tears :(

- “Let it out, Y/N. You’re ok, I’m right here.”

- makes care packages for you with your favorite things (snacks, drinks, feminine products, stuffed animals, heating pads, etc.)

- if he comes to your house, he’ll offer to run a warm bath for you and wait for you to be done

- not necessarily scared, but definitely a little more careful with his choice of words towards you

- actually the sweetest I love him sm

- watching movies and shows if you don’t feel like getting up. or even just laying with you if you don’t feel like do anything but sleeping

- he’s very proud of himself for taking care of you

- “you’re the best, Mikey, thank you.” “Yeah, I know.”

[sweet-honey-fruit]

I saw you were asking for a request so I thought of something. What would the harbingers (Dottore, Pantalone, Tartaglia, Capitano, Arlecchino) do if someone hurt they're s/o to get information about them? Have a nice day btw :D

This this THIS! I’m a sucker for these kinds of things. It’s definitely a guilty pleasure of mine with these scenarios. Thank you for this, I had a lot of fun writing it!

Harbingers With Hurt S/O

Warnings: Violence, mentions/descriptions of torture and death, use of pet names, possibly OOC Capitano cause there’s literally little to no information about him, spoilers for Fatui Harbingers lore

Arlecchino

She doesn’t want to admit how badly her heart ached when she saw you walk in battered in wounds and bruises. Yet you still greeted her with a bright smile.

All she did was stare at you with a blank look on her face, wrapping her arms around you and giving you a kiss on the top of your head

You held a special place in her heart, so seeing you like this raised an unbelievable amount of worry and anger, but she wouldn’t let you see that

Her voice came out in a hushed whisper, swaying you back and forth slightly, “Tell me my beloved, what has happened to you?”

You’re hesitant, of course. You know how she can get, especially when it comes to you

But you especially know how she gets when you’re not upfront and honest with her

“Treasure Hoarders wanted information about the whereabouts of the delusion factory,” The moment the words leave your mouth, she brought you closer to her before letting go

Her face is stone cold, but you can practically feel the infuriation radiating off of her like a waterfall

It leaves you shaking a little bit, and you’re not even the one she’s livid at

She sends you to Dottore to get patched up, making sure to not-so-subtly threaten him to keep you safe and to not turn you into one of his experiments

She’s using these circumstances as a training exercise for some of her children in the House of the Hearth to gather information

Once she has the information she needs, you better believe she’s going absolutely batshit crazy

And I’m talking about leaving the Treasure Hoarders mangled bodies at other Treasure Hoarder camps to send a message

That message being that if they touch you again, she’ll make sure every single one of them will perish by her hands personally

Capitano

He’s not the type of man that pays attention to those that he deems weaker than him

He doesn’t find them worthy enough for his time

Yet when one of his Fatui subordinates delivered him the news that you’ve been captured and tortured by a group of Nabushi in Inazuma-

Well, he could make this one exception, couldn’t he?

He’ll seek to hunt them down himself

He wants them to understand the mistake they did for touching the only person he has deemed worthy for his endless time and attention

For every mark that was bestowed upon you, he will make sure he doubles it both in numbers and in pain

He won’t outright kill them, he wants to get back home to you as soon as possible

But we will leave them barely conscious

Surely the Rifthounds can take care of them. They gotta eat too after all.

He’s grinning the whole time he walks away

Hearing them scream for him to save them as the Rifthounds bite away at their flesh

For anyone else the sickening sounds of tearing flesh and blood curdling screams would be enough to show mercy

But to him it’s music to his ears

Maybe next time they would think twice before using you to get information

Dottore

He’s cackling to himself when he found out

The poor subordinates that informed him are quivering and praying to The Tsaritsa that they won’t feel his wrath

Cause this man is insane, but in that moment, that is the most insane he has ever been

Thankfully The Tsaritsa seemed to answer their prayers cause he dismisses them to bring you to him

Although one managed to climb up the list to be his next test subject when they declare that you’re being seen by a Sneznayan doctor so it “might not be a good time”

He snaps out a “I’ll treat them myself, your lucky my priority lies with them right now, otherwise I’d already have your flesh ripped away and replaced with metal”

He makes a mental note to do it later, for when you’re escorted in, he’s furtively seething

Littered in cuts and bruises, a deep cut slashed along your side, and lightning shaped scars surrounding it

He has a good idea who did it already, and why it was done

As he’s treating you, he’s tracing along the lightning scars, letting out a small hum

“My dear, tell me, what exactly happened.”

This man intimidates you from his voice alone, and you can’t even form the words to speak

Even though he knows, he wants to hear you say it, to just confirm that his anger is justified

Not that he cares on rather it is or isn’t, but his superiors certainly do

He can sense your timidness which makes him grin. He finds it so cute, but now is hardly the time to be having those thoughts

He reassures you that it’s okay, you can tell him. He’ll make it all go away. He’ll make them go away. Just tell him, he’s there for you.

And you do tell him in a hoarse voice, and he finds it pitiful.

Some Dancing Thunder Kairagi thinking that they’re entitled enough to put a hand on you, just because they believed you would tell them the Fatui’s plans

He doesn’t say anything after that, staying uncharacteristically quiet. Which is more daunting to you than if he were to spill out threats

He continues to treat you in silence. And once he’s done he’s escorting you back to your shared bedroom within the palace.

After, he’s having some of his subordinates fetch the ones that hurt you. When they are brought in, well, let the experiments commence

He’s certainly enjoying hearing them scream in agony as he tests out the effects of having multiple delusions. Hearing them beg, and plead for him to stop. But he doesn’t. He’s sure you did the same thing. Pleading them to just let you go. They didn’t stop till some Fatui Skirmisher’s stepped in, so why should he? But there wont be any Skirmisher’s saving them.

He’s making sure they suffer for a long, long time

Pantalone

“Oh, how pitiful” he states as he walks into Dottore’s lab

He’s been told that you’ve been sent there after having a— rough encounter, to put it lightly— with a few Shogunate soldiers

He saw the pure exhaustion on your face, and yet he still maintained a smile

“I can see you were determined to give it your all. But do not worry sweetheart, for I will fill in and give it my all for you.”

He won’t only hurt the Shogunate soldiers indirectly, oh no. He’ll hurt the whole Shogunate army.

Slowly, he would cut off their money supply through the Northland Bank (don’t ask how that works, I don’t know myself but for the sake of this, it works). I mean, you can’t do anything without the very thing that gives you the pathway to do anything in the first place, right?

He’ll watch from the shadows as the Shogunate army is scrambling for funds, and ultimately scrambling to regain power

It would take a meeting with Kujou Sara in order to settle things. His only request was that the Shogunate stays out of the Fatui’s business, and most importantly, stay away from you.

You know how I said he would hurt them indirectly? That’s because he’ll have others do it for him.

He’ll give some to Dottore as test subjects, and some to Arlecchino for target practice for the kids. He’s just as much of a supplier as he is a taker.

While everything is going on outside of your knowledge, he’s keeping you close to him. Holding you, walking you to and from work, and even allowing you to tag along with him on more PG related missions for lack of a better term

He’s a man of endless influence throughout Teyvat, and he will not hesitate to use it to rip apart the nations for you. Especially if they dared to touch you like they did.

Tartaglia

Definitely the most sane one when it comes to it, and that’s saying something

Especially since he’s the one that witnessed it first hand

As stated previously in another post, he’s already paranoid anytime you’re not around him since the Fatui have a lot of enemies

So when he went out looking for you since you took a tad bit longer to get groceries than it normally would, he found out that his paranoia was justified

Imagine his surprise when he found out that it’s not Treasure Hoarders or Hilichurls, no, it’s the Millelith of all people hurting you

“Well well, what did I just walk in on? Am I interrupting something?” He has a smile on his face but it doesn’t seem very happy

Perhaps that’s because his eyes are showing nothing but unadulterated hatred towards the group of men that think it was a good idea to beat you around for information on him and the Fatui

“If you wanted information you could have just came and ask me yourself, but instead you had to go out and dig yourselves your own grave. What a shame.”

He’ll instruct you to turn away, cause he’s pretty sure that what he’s about to do to them would traumatize you for life. He doesn’t want that for you.

When you do, this man is pulling out all the stops

Slicing and dicing, aiming and shooting, hydro and electro

He wants to watch them suffer, and he’s grinning like a mad man when he watches the life drain from their eyes

As much as he wanted to make them suffer more, he had to cut it short since he still had to prioritize you

He’s going to pick you up and carry you back home no matter how much you want to protest and insist that you’re okay

But this man is stubborn and he’s not having any of it.

He’s taking you home and cuddling you close, not letting you go even after you’re all cleaned up

His laid-back persona is broken as he apologizes to you, that he’s sorry that he put you in danger

Please reassure him that it’s not his fault and give him plenty of kisses

He’s not leaving your side for a LONG TIME

[lincolndjarin]

Every Now and Then - ch. two

[ And if You Only Hold Me Tight ]

pairing : joel miller x f!reader, platonicsoulmate!tommy & f!reader

word count : 9.3k

summary : you spend some time tommy, you spent some time with joel.

tags/warnings : 18+ mdni, angst, canon typical violence, language, panic attacks, violence, injury, wounds, possessive behavior, toxic relationships, animal death, i probs missed some i never know how to tag so lmk if i misses anything !!

a/n : this took so long and i dont even know it its good so i'm deeply sorry about that.

ao3 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ series masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ main masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ kofi

Now - JACKSON, WYOMING : 2023

“It’s nice to meet you Ellie.” You hold your hand out across the table to her, offering your own name up in the process, noticing an incredulous look in her eyes as you say it. Of course she doesn’t shake it, you’ve worked with enough survivors her age to know how they think. 

She doesn’t trust any of this, and you can’t blame her. Every single thing she’s seen since arriving here is too good to be true, she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s okay, you can be patient. She just needs to learn how to be a kid again. When she makes no attempt to move you pull your hand back, your smile never wavering. You’ve met kids in much worse condition than this, you can work with this. 

“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Ellie.” You set the notebook you’d been writing in back down onto the table, you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation for her, it needs to be a conversation or you won’t get any of the information you need.

“Like what?” She’s slouched down into the chair, her arms crossed across her chest. She has her defenses up, she has spent her entire life protecting herself, she isn’t going to stop just because a stranger offered her a mug of tea. A mug of tea that she has notably not touched. 

“Anything you want to, or I could ask some specifics if you’d like.” You take a sip of your own tea, hoping it might show her it’s safe. She only hums in response, you decide it might be for the best if you just ask her what you need to know. “Let’s start with a few easy ones, how old are you?” 

“Why do you need to know?” 

“We need to assess your health, what classes you’ll be put in, if you’ll be needing any feminine products. I promise, anything I ask is for your own good.” Seeing kids like Ellie is a painful reminder of just how lucky your own little ones are, it’s a wonder she made it this far. You can’t hold her skepticism against her, her distrust is why she’s still alive. “Would it help if we brought your father in? He’s just down the hall with Maria.” You aren’t sure why, you typically handle every stray but she had insisted on helping you out today. She’d spewed some sort of excuse about how Ellie might need some special attention but as far as you can tell she’s in the same state that most kids are in when they arrive. 

“He’s not my dad.” She’s quick to say it, as if it’s a sore subject. 

“May I ask his relation to you then?” Maria had told you she arrived with her father, you were told to expect one teenage girl and one man in his fifties.

“He’s… my friend?” She sounds unsure, unsure enough to ring alarm bells in your head. 

“Honey, are you in a safe situation? We can help you if you need-” She doesn’t even let you finish your question before sitting up straighter.

“No, no, no, gross, it’s not like that, he’s not like that.” The look of disgust on her face brings you immense relief, this world is full of enough horrors for a young woman to face. 

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Even if she hasn’t been through that, she hasn’t had it easy, no one has. But there’s something distinct in her eyes. Loss. She’s seen more than enough of it, more than anyone her age should. Her eyes keep darting to the door, her head tilts in that direction every time someone walks by. She’s worried about her companion. She doesn’t want to lose him too. “I know none of this makes sense, and you have no reason to trust me but I need you to try Ellie. And if I ask you anything you aren’t comfortable with then you don’t have to answer but I need you to try, please. The faster we finish up here, the faster you can get back to your friend.” 

She takes a moment, you’re practically holding your breath when she finally nods.

Perfect, you can work with a nod. You love a nod, a nod is all you need to help this girl.

“Let’s start with your age again.” 

“Fourteen.” You’ll have to have a menstruation kit sent to whatever house they put her in, most people’s cycles start being regular once after a few months in Jackson.

“Thank you.” All you get is another nod yet you can’t help but smile. “Do you know where you were born?”

“No.” Her eyes are trained on your shoes, occasionally darting around the room but staying low for the most part. 

“Where did you grow up?” 

“The QZ.” The thought makes you sick for several reasons. The last place a child should grow up is the streets of a quarantine zone, even if she was in the FEDRA program it wouldn’t have been easy. The thought of any QZ still makes you queasy, even after this long. 

“Which one?” Anywhere but Boston. 

“Boston.” Of course. With your luck she would be. Someone’s far from home.  

“FEDRA program?” As terrible as they are, they always keep the kids' vaccinations up to date, one less thing for you to worry about. 

“Mhmm.” 

“How old were you when you left?”

“Fourteen.” How the hell did she make it to Jackson all the way from Boston in such a short period of time? Why come to Jackson at all? There’s certainly other QZ’s between here and there, there’s probably other settlements too. 

“Can I ask why you left?” It’s not a question you need to ask but your stomach is in knots at the mention of the Boston QZ and you can’t help yourself. 

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Something flashes across her face, she isn’t trying to be rude, she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. 

“That’s fine.” You don’t need to worry about it. She doesn’t know him. There’s no reason for her to know him. QZ’s house hundreds, if not thousands, of people. There’s no reason to spiral over nothing. “Do you have any allergies that you’re aware of?”

“Nope.” She makes a popping sound on the “P” as she leans back in the chair, trying to look relaxed despite how on edge she still is. You decide not to put anymore pressure on her, it won’t do you any good. 

“How are you feeling physically? Any symptoms of illness?”

“Like infection?” You have to stifle a laugh, if she was infected the two of you certainly wouldn’t be sitting here right now. 

“I’m not worried about that, I mean something more like a runny nose or a cough.”

“Oh. No.” 

“Any skills in particular you’d like to learn? Our school system is a little less traditional than what you probably had with FEDRA.”

“I like science.” She sits up a bit, good, you’ve found something that piques her interest. 

“Then I will make sure you’re enrolled in some science classes. But I meant skills like agriculture, construction, or veterinary care. Something you could learn about that interests you. You won’t be asked to help out around town until you’re sixteen but we like to let you explore different things to see what you like-”

“Could I learn how to shoot a gun?” She leans forward before you can finish your thought. 

“You could apprentice some of the hunters, we could also have you trained for patrol and scavenging which involves gun safety and training courses. You’re a bit young for those but I’m sure I could ”

“Really?” You can tell by the inflection in her voice that she still doesn’t trust you entirely, even if she’s excited.

“Of course, you’ll probably be the youngest student in the training class but I’m sure you can handle it.” She needs something good in her life. You want to protect everyone who finds their way to Jackson but this girl makes your heart ache. Most adults you’ve worked with aren’t able to hold themselves together this long, putting on a brave face despite everything. 

“Do you like burgers?” You almost cringe as you say it, hoping she’s had food outside of the synthetic shit FEDRA produces.

“I guess?”

“I’m having a little cookout tomorrow evening once everyone’s finished their work, it’ll be small, just me and some family but you’re welcome to join. You can bring your friend, I have two little ones you can play with. They might be a little younger than your usual friends but I promise they’re great company.” You swear she almost smiles, and suddenly you just want to make this poor kid smile. “You know, I’ve got a telescope in my garage, so if you stop by it’s all yours.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely, I’ve never even touched the thing so maybe you can put it to good use. Let me write down the house description for you, it isn’t too far from this building, you can stop in whenever you want tomorrow. There’s an empty house across the street as well, maybe I could show it to you, see if you like it.” You pencil it down, tearing the paper and handing it to her. This isn’t something you’d typically do but you can’t resist an opportunity to help her feel more at home here. 

“Yeah, I mean that would be great.”

“Perfect.” You lean back in your chair. “What sort of hobbies interest you?” You’ll be in charge of putting together a welcome basket for her since Maria has marked her down as a permanent occupant.

“Reading, I like comics. And I used to draw a lot in the QZ.” Perfect, books are easy to find since Jackson was built around a small library.

“Okay then, I think that’s all I need from you for now but I’ll be around soon once you get housing settled. You can go join Maria and your friend if you’d like, I have to figure out what house we’re going to put you two in but I’ll be stopping by later with a few things for you.” That actually isn’t all you need from her, there are more questions on your mind, one specific question. Ask her what his name is. 

“Thanks.” She stands, quickly heading towards the exit as you grab your notebook, you need to make a list of everything they’ll be needing. 

You shouldn’t. If by some stroke of misfortune you’re right this question will only serve to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to push away. You shouldn’t.

But you do. 

Before she’s out the door you call out her name, you don’t want to know, but you have to.

“Ellie, what’s your friend's name?”

You found the treehouse two months after you found Jackson. 

With tears streaming down your face you had dropped the twins off at Maria’s, mumbling apologies before going to the edge of town, a large amount of Jackson was empty, and still is. They’re planning for the future. Someday, generations from now, the town will grow and they’ll use these houses to accommodate families. But for now it’s just an empty town, one that you realized had a treehouse. You had hidden yourself away there, curling up into a ball to become as small as possible.

Tommy had found you hours later, shivering, with no more tears left to cry. And he hadn’t chastised you or asked you why you’d done it, he’d just taken your hand and walked you home. It doesn’t take him hours this time, only about thirty minutes according to your watch. You hear the crunch of his boots, the walking pattern you recognize as his, and the creak of the boards as he pushes the hatch open before sliding up into the small space with you. 

Before he speaks you’re already reaching for him, desperate to cling to some kind of familiar safety. 

“Hey darlin’.” It’s a dance you two do, fluid and instinctual as he pulls you into his arms, you slot yourself between his bent legs as he wraps himself around you. You used to sit like this when you couldn’t find shelter on snowy nights, one of the many habits you had trouble breaking when you found Jackson. Maria would never ask you to change your relationship with him, it was a decision you had made with Tommy when he told you he wanted to marry her. A part of you just sort of knew she didn’t like it, so you stopped. And you’d never hold that against her, if the roles were reversed you certainly wouldn’t be as kind as she’s been. That’s why you’ve always loved Maria, since the first day you met her she has been like a sister, patient but blunt with you. 

Except in this one instance. 

She withheld some particularly important information.

“The twins?” You lay back against him as you mumble.

“Maria’s watching them. They’re helping her make dinner, you shoulda’ seen them in the kitchen. I swear she’s the only person they listen…” His voice trails off when he feels you tensing up all over again as you go back to fighting off tears.

A silence falls between you, familiar and reminiscent of your first few days together out in the woods. And just like back then, you’re the one to break it. 

“Have you seen him yet?” The words feel small and hoarse in your throat.

“No. Couldn’t bring myself to.” He rests his chin on your shoulder, you wish you could find comfort in any of this but there’s just too much dread. Too much unease fills your stomach to relax. 

“Does he know you’re here?” You wish your voice didn’t tremble so much.

“Maria didn’t tell him.” 

“Are we sure it’s even him?” 

“Not a lot of Joel Millers walking around during the apocalypse.” It’s like he can sense your skepticism as he quickly continues. “She said he looked like a Miller.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Like me but grayer.” Fair enough.

“Does he know I’m here?” There’s no way. He couldn’t. 

“No.” 

“Good.” 

“Can’t stay that way forever.” You know that. But you don’t have anything to say about it so you move on, and redirect the anger that mixes with your confusion and fear.

“Why didn’t she tell us?” He can’t take your side in this, as much as you want him to, he has to take her side because her’s is the rational one. Do you have a side? Can you be mad at her for this? Are there even sides?

“Probably because she knew we’d react like this.” His head tilts a bit to rest against your own. You’re thankful for this position so you don’t have to look him in the eye.

“She should have told us.” You’re trying to remain calm but your voice is pitching up higher by the minute. 

“She was going to, she just didn’t know how. She thought she had more time” 

You need to relax. It feels like your heart is going to burst from your chest and you’re certain Tommy feels it too. 

“How did he find us?” He wouldn’t have been looking for you specifically, unless he had a death wish. 

“On accident, I think. Maria said he was looking for me when they found him.” That makes sense. It’s just a coincidence that you’re also here. He has no way of knowing that you even know Tommy. How he managed to locate him is another matter. 

“We’re two thousand miles away from the QZ, how the fuck did he find you?”

“He always gets what he wants.” 

You can’t argue with that. Plain and simple, you don’t need much more than that. 

“I don’t want to see him.” An impossible request, but you make it anyway. 

“We both know that isn’t possible.” 

“Tell her to send him away.” Also unlikely. 

“You know she can’t do that, we don’t turn folks away from Jackson.” 

“Then I’ll leave.”

“Like hell you will.” There is no fight in his voice, just certainty as he holds you a little tighter. Not without me. The silent promise that lingers under his words, but it’s more complicated than that now, you have two toddlers and he has a wife, there is no running away from this. No running away from him

He’s inevitable. 

It doesn’t matter if the world ends, and you run halfway across the country, Joel Miller is inevitable.

“He’s got a kid.” You mumble as you reach for his hand, entwining your fingers with his. You hadn’t realized how cold you were until you felt the warmth of his skin against yours. 

He scoffs. “He’s got two.”

“Another kid, some girl. He brought her here all the way from Boston.”

He shifts a bit, clearly confused. “Why?”

“I was hoping you’d know, it isn’t exactly in his nature to help the needy.” 

He pauses for a moment. “Well, I mean, how old is she?”

“Fourteen.” 

“Well there’s your reason, Sarah was fourteen.”

Sarah.

A girl you know very little about other than the fact that she’s your daughter's namesake. Sarah Ruth Miller. It had been Tommy’s idea, you had only picked out a name for a boy and you owed Tommy everything for keeping you alive that long, so when he asked if he could pick his niece's middle name you’d been more than happy to oblige. 

It hadn’t been Joel who told you about Sarah, he never even told you he had a kid. 

Tommy had told you about it just before the twins were born. You’d been snowed into a cabin and he’d just returned from hunting with a grin on his face as he told you he had a surprise. You couldn’t sleep, between the cold and the pain in your lower back you were just too uncomfortable most nights. Tommy always insisted on staying up to keep you company even if he ended up falling asleep most of the time. 

That night he told you about how he lost his niece on outbreak day as he skinned the fox he’d caught in one of his traps as you sat beside him in front of the crumbling fireplace. When he finished the story he held up the pelt and told you he was going to make your babies first blanket with it. 

Of course at the time neither of you knew that he would have to make a second blanket, or that he would need to do it a month sooner than either of you had planned. 

“I invited him to dinner tomorrow.” No sense in hiding the fact from him, he’ll find out either way. 

“What?” His hand tightens around yours and it’s your turn to comfort him as your thumb rubs circles against the tense skin.

“Ellie- the kid, I invited her before I knew about Joel. Even told her she could bring him.” You almost laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds now. Of course you invited him to dinner completely by accident, sounds like something you would do. 

“Then why don’t we just get it over with?” Or you could leave, brave the Wyoming wilderness with your kids and his wife and make a run for it, far, far, away from Joel Miller. 

But you can’t do that. 

So you might as well get it over with. 

“Together?” You bring his hand up to your face to warm the icy skin of your cheek.

“Together.” 

He means it. He stays with you until the next day, walking you back into town and bringing you to his house. Maria starts apologizing the second the two of you walk through the door but you just hug her. She doesn’t owe you anything, any anger you thought you felt towards her was misplaced. 

And you all settle in for the night. 

On particularly bad nights you’ll spend the night at their house. It’s been happening less and less these last few months but it’s an unspoken decision tonight as Maria brings down sleeping bags from the attic for the kids. 

You tuck the kids in by the fireplace, hoping that they don’t catch the vacant look in your eyes as you kiss their foreheads. Thankfully they both seem to be too excited about having a living room campout to notice. You hear hushed whispers from the kitchen, it sounds like an argument so you just sit on the couch, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you stare out the window facing the street. 

What house did she put them in? There are a few options for temporary housing, but he could be anywhere. The thought makes you nauseous. Thankfully you’re distracted when you eventually hear Maria stomping up the stairs followed by a sigh from the kitchen before Tommy joins you on the couch. 

“Everything all right?” You mumble, hoping to not wake the kids as you offer up some of the blanket to him. 

“It will be.”

God you hope so.

“How do you wanna do this?” 

Good question. 

Preferably you wouldn’t be doing this at all, instead you would be enjoying what might be the last nice day before autumn sets in entirely. You, Arthur, Ruth, Tommy, and Maria. You’d still be happy if Ellie came over by herself but that’s so unlikely you don’t even consider it an option. Joel’s too protective and you confirmed with Maria that Ellie would be coming. He won’t let her go alone, you know that better than anyone. 

You rub the back of your neck with your freehand. “The kids stay inside with Maria.” Ruth is already there, helping her aunt with the salad as Arthur sits in your lap, playing with a few stones he’s set up on the picnic table. 

“Okay.” Tommy’s biting his nails, you’d spent weeks reprimanding him about that until he broke the habit.  

Your knee starts bouncing, a nervous habit of your own that you’ve had for as long you can remember. Thankfully Arthur simply hums to himself as you bounce him. As far as you can tell neither one of the twins knows something is wrong, you can only hope it stays that way. 

“We can wait for them out here, I can ask Ellie to go in and help Maria with the kids.”

“And then?”

You frown in contemplation. “I haven’t planned that far ahead.”

“So you didn’t plan for the most important part?”

“Did you?” 

His teeth shift when you ask, biting down hard enough to split his nail lower than he intended. You watch as blood blooms there while he curses under his breath.   

“Shit, go inside and grab a bandage, they’re in the cabinet above the sink.” He stands as you wave him towards the house, he brings his thumb to his mouth, his brow furrowed. “And bring Maria and Ruth out with you when you come back so we can go over everything with her.” He nods, humming in response before he disappears behind the screen door.

“Is Uncle Tommy okay?” When you look down you’re met with a worried look plastered on your son's face. You instinctively cup his face with your hand, using your thumb to smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. He looks too much like his father when he does that. 

“He’s okay, love. He’s just gotta go get your Aunt and Ruth.” You lean down, kissing his forehead before turning to set him down next to you. 

“Okay, Mama.” He seems satisfied with your response as he gives your leg a little pat before running off towards the edge of the yard. You’ve got a patch of rocks and gravel the kids like to dig through. You turn to watch him, with your back now leaning against the picnic table as he crouches down, examining the ground before finding a suitable stone. Clutching it in his hand he rushes back to you, holding it up for your approval.

“Very pretty, thank you.” You take it from him with a smile, setting it behind you on the table with the rest of them. He repeats the process several times, staring down at the ground, scrutinizing each rock before bringing the ones he deems good enough over to you. You give appropriate oo’s and ah’s to each one, grateful for the brief peace your son is able to give you. He carries on with this for sometime, until you have a sizable pile of rocks beside you. 

He leaves, and he returns, dozens of times until he decides not to return to the patch of gravel. 

You thank him for the speckled stone he hands you now but instead of running back across the yard he squints, staring up at your expression. 

“What’s wrong?” He hops up onto the bench next to you, grabbing the sleeve of your shirt and bunching it up in his little fist as you give him a soft smile.

“Nothing’s wrong, hon.” You ruffle his hair a bit but he doesn’t seem convinced. 

“Why’d you make a mad face then? Uncle Tommy too.” 

So much for the kids being clueless, they’ve always been too smart for their own good. 

Shit.

You sigh, looking up at the clouds briefly before looking back down at him.

No sense in lying to him. “You know how Uncle Tommy has a brother?” You wrap an arm around him, pulling him close.

His face scrunches up a bit as he thinks. “Yeah…” He doesn’t sound entirely convinced as you give him a reassuring smile. 

“Well, we don’t really- we don’t always get along with Uncle Tommy’s brother, and he’s gonna be visiting us soon.” 

“Why?” 

“He’s in Jackson for a little bit, and he came a long way to get here-”

“No Mama, why don’t you like him?”

This is a conversation you had hoped to have with your children when they’re older. Preferably it would be one you wouldn’t have to have at all, but it’s just another unavoidable part of Joel. They’re already old enough to ask questions, it started when kids in their class began asking if Tommy was their dad. Which of course led to the twins asking you one night just before bed the same question. 

“No love, he’s your uncle, who told you that?” You don’t want that rumor going around, people already talk about it, it doesn’t help that they both bear a resemblance to him.

“No one, Annie asked us.” Your daughter answers as you brush some of her hair behind her ear.  You recognize the name, it’s a girl in their daycare class. 

“And what did you tell her?”

“That we just got a mom.” Ruth answers but Arthur picks up the second she’s finished speaking. 

“Do we have a dad?” He tilts his head to the side as you swallow loudly. 

“Yes, you do.”

“Where?” Ruth asks. 

Last you’d heard he was in Boston. 

“I’m not sure.” They turn and look at each other before turning in unison towards you, you should have known they wouldn’t take that answer. “We lived together for a little while, in New York, and then we got separated.” None of that means anything to either of them but it’s an answer, which is better than nothing.

Arthurs tiny hand squeezes yours, pulling you back into reality. You often wonder if they know when you’re lost in a memory, he looks up at you curiously. What did you do to deserve such a patient child? 

You take a moment to think of a way to phrase it. “We… got into a fight. A long time ago.”

“About what?”

“Grown up stuff.” Your heartbeat quickens, you don’t want him to know about all that, he’s too little, you need to end this conversation.

“What kin-“ When he starts another line of questioning you poke at his sides, sliding him off the bench in a fit of giggles. 

“Time to go inside, nosy little man.” You follow after him as he rushes away, brown hair that’s just starting to curl at the ends falling into his eyes as he runs away from the house.

You catch up to him within a few steps, scooping him up and cradling him like a baby. He lets out a high pitched shriek until you squish your face into his cheek, kissing the rosy skin until he quiets down to a few small giggles. 

“Your aunt needs some help in the kitchen, you’re gonna go play with her and your sister now.” He nods as he squirms in your arms until he’s more comfortable, wrapping his arms around your neck and resting his chin on your shoulder as you walk him back towards the house. 

He’s gonna need a nap soon, which means Ruth is gonna need a nap soon. Maybe you should try and get them both down before everything else happens. 

Right on cue, Tommy pushes open the door with Ruth on his hip, Maria not far behind him. Based on the smiles they’re both sporting you can assume they’ve made up. They always do. 

“I think it might be time for these two to head inside.” Tommy gives you a soft smile and for a single second you get to pretend that everything’s fine. Maria takes a lighter towards the grill, trying to light it as you go to stand next to Tommy, the twins both grinning at each other. 

In your own little bubble, everything is completely fine, and you’re with your family. 

And at the end of your single perfect second the bubble is popped. It all happens before you’re ready, although you doubt you could ever really be ready for this. 

Maria pockets her lighter, mumbling something about going inside to look for matches after a few unsuccessful attempts. You set Arthur down, nudging him in her direction, he quickly runs towards her, taking her hand as she begins to make her way back towards the house. Tommy wraps his free hand around your shoulder. Giving you a reassuring squeeze as you rest your head against him to stare at your little girl. 

“We’ve got this.” He gives you another squeeze but you’re struggling to find safety in it. He’s always been the strong one, the confrontational one. He’s got this. You don’t. You tilt your head to stare at him when Ruth’s gaze goes from your face to his but your head snaps to the side when you hear your name called. 

Everyone looks up. The twins, Maria, Tommy, and you, as Ellie walks around the side of the house and waves at you. The sound of your name makes the man walking behind her look as well, his all too familiar scowl scanning the yard, softening into a look of disbelief when his eyes settle on you.

Then - NEW YORK CITY, QUARANTINE ZONE : 2019

“I don’t like havin’ you out there on your own. I worry too much.” He mumbles the words against the back of your neck as he tightens his hold around your waist. At some point the two of you had stopped pretending you’d wake up any other way and just went to bed like this. “Stay here, angel.” 

You’re so comfortable you almost consider it, but you ran out of cards last week and you’re cleared for work as of today. “I have to go if I want to sign up for any of the well paying shifts, Joel.” You peel his arms off of you, sitting up as he matches your movements. 

“Don’t sign up for that shit, it’s always somethin’ stupid or dangerous.” His voice is low and thick with sleep as he wraps his arms back around you. “If you need somethin’ I’ll get it for you.” He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks, his coarse facial hair rubs against your shoulder as he murmurs. 

Who knew big, scary Joel Miller could be so clingy. 

The most surprising part of your relationship, if you could even call it that, with Joel is just how needy he is. You don’t have any problems with it, it’s just a bit of a shock. Although maybe needy isn’t the right word. 

Protective. 

You’ve left the apartment two times in total since moving in with Joel, both times you insisted on needing air much to his dismay. He accompanied you around the block without a word the first time. The second time was the same, the only difference was that you stopped to buy a small bag of buttons, Joel had frowned as you made small talk with the older man sitting behind the table before rushing you home. 

“You could have just told me you needed buttons.” He grumbles as he holds the door open for you as you make your way to the kitchen table, taking a seat as you take his flannel off of you, the sight of your tattered sports bra serves as a reminder of how badly you need to get back to work once you’re cleared. 

“I don’t need buttons, you do. Every shirt you own is missing at least one.” You laid the shirt down on the table, pointing to the drawer next to the sink. “Get me the sewing kit.” His frown deepens but he does as you say before sitting down across from you.

Reaching across the table he sets the box down beside you, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Still, you should have just asked me.” 

You open the small tin, unspooling a bit of thread. “I needed to go outside for a few minutes, it’s stuffy in here.” 

“We could have opened a window.” He grumbles under his breath as you grin, holding the thread between your teeth while sliding the other end through the needle.

“It’s not the same and you know it.” You mumble through your teeth before releasing the thread and setting the needle down. You pour the buttons out onto the table, searching for one that best matches the beige of the buttons on the flannel. Eventually his hand encompasses your own as he guides you to one that’s a slightly different shape but matches the color perfectly. “Thank you.” You give him a teasing smile as you place it over the frayed threads where its predecessor once was. 

That was a week ago and you haven’t been outside since but when Joel went to get the mail from downstairs he brought you a notice from the doctor that you were cleared to return to work today. Despite his protests you start to push the blanket off of you but he’s quick to pull it right back up into place.

“Stay, please.” He continues to hum against your skin. 

“I need the money, Joel.” You turn to look at him, his usual morning sulky look seems doubled today.

“How much do you need?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he lets his face fall forward, his forehead resting on yours. 

“It’s not like that.” You swear, if you asked him to, he'd find a way to give you the moon and stars, but you hate relying on him for everything, especially after such a long time of being dependent on him. “I just need to work.”

“You don’t need to. You want to.” His breath still smells like whiskey from last night as he gives you an exasperated glare. 

“Fine, I want to work. My leg’s fine now, you can barely tell anything was wrong with it. I’ll be okay.” You lean just a bit more towards him, kissing his cheek before sliding out of bed. 

You aren’t exactly dating Joel. 

Dating seems so trivial during an apocalypse, and you haven’t had any conversations about it. It just sort of happened. You woke up one day and neither one of you wanted to pull away from the other, and it progressed from there. He came home from a job one night and climbed into bed next to you, wrapping himself around you and he kissed your forehead before falling asleep. You still don’t know if he knew you were awake. The next night you’d taken his face in your hands and kissed him, just to see what he’d do, thankfully after a moment of shock he’d kissed you back. And it just became another unspoken part of your life with Joel. He kissed you goodbye when he left to go do the things he refused to tell you about in any detail, and you always greeted him with a kiss when he returned. 

But you don’t have sex. 

You want to ask him why but you hold your tongue, it’s possible you’re just being impatient or maybe he just wants to wait. So you don’t push it or bring it up because you like how things are with him. 

The word boyfriend is not a word that suits Joel. 

He isn’t your boyfriend, he’s just sort of, yours. 

“Angel, please.” He continues his griping as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Joel, please.” You repeat back at him, trying to mimic his low tone.  

“I’m bein’ serious. Things have gotten bad out there recently, too much FEDRA bullshit.” 

“It’s always been bad and I’ve always managed, I’ll be fine.” You pull one of his shirts out of the closet, slipping it on, starting to button it as he makes his way to the end of the bed. 

“Can we at least talk about this?” He rests his elbows on his knees as he hunches over. The morning haze on his face is gone and is replaced by the stern scowl you’re used to. 

“There isn’t anything to talk about. I’ll be careful, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you tonight.” After digging through the dresser drawers you eventually find your only pair of jeans. Once your boots are laced you walk back over to him, standing between his legs and taking his face in your hands. 

Staring down into his surprisingly gentle eyes, so dark that in the dim morning light they look pitch black. 

God he’s pretty. 

Even with that stupid pout of his. 

“I’ll see you tonight.” You lean down, placing a kiss on his forehead before pulling away only to be stopped when his grip on your waist tightens. 

“Just- wait.” You’re about to push him away with a laugh but his voice cracks just enough to make your smile drop. 

You start to speak in a soft tone but you only get one word out. “Joel…” 

“Please- I just- I can’t let you go out there and sign up for that shit. There’s jobs that aren’t dangerous, simple stuff.”

“Those jobs pay a few cards at best, hon. I can’t wear your clothes forever, I need new underwear, socks, all sorts of things. And I want to contribute around here, I’ll be okay, I promise.” You push the mess of hair falling across his forehead back as you stare down at him. 

He looks so genuinely upset already and you haven’t even left yet, he’s making this far more difficult than you thought it’d be. “I won’t be able to do anything if I don’t know you’re safe. It’s dangerous for both of us, I can’t be distracted like that.” You sigh, long and loud as you drop your hands to your sides. 

The more you think about it the more it makes sense. He really does worry too much, and even if you don’t know exactly what he does for work, you know it’s dangerous. 

Maybe it won’t be so bad. 

“Okay.” You groan. 

“You’ll stay?” The corners of his mouth start to raise a bit. 

“I’ll do the safer jobs.” The hint of a smile that had been on his face dissipates. “It’s a compromise. You can’t always get everything you want.” 

“Fine, come right home after.”

“I will.” With one more kiss he finally lets you go. 

So, at Joel’s request, you sign up for the easy jobs. 

They’re boring, and generally sort of terrible, and they pay the least, but Joel doesn’t make any further arguments about it. So you keep signing up for them. Typically it’s childcare, or filing documents for FEDRA, or working in the entry level food processing jobs. 

Boring, boring, jobs that involve standing around and doing nothing or wrangling kids who don’t deserve to grow up in a place like this. You hate the look on their little faces, they always look too grown up for their ages. 

But you put up with it, because at the end of the day you get to go home to Joel, Joel who seems to be in significantly higher spirits ever since you’ve agreed to those specific jobs. So you make it work. He makes it worth the banality of it all, at the end of your first week back to work he surprised you with a large paper bag, grinning like you’d never seen him before. When you unfolded the crumpled bag you were greeted with a mess of fabric, different colors and textures. You poured the contents onto the bed and immediately realized what he’d gotten you. Bras, panties, socks, and two pairs of jeans. It must’ve cost him a fortune and your eyes began to water immediately. You had wrapped your arms around him, barely letting go of him for the rest of the night. 

After that it got even easier, eventually you got used to it. 

You learned to live with the terrible jobs, and if you wanted anything you couldn’t afford with your meager savings Joel always managed to get it for you, even if you hadn’t told him you’d wanted it in the first place. 

You probably would have stayed like that forever if you hadn’t started taking the long way home. Weeks had passed before it happened, you had grown comfortable, vulnerable. Joel always made sure you felt safe and you let your guard down just long enough for something to happen. 

Joel had left early that morning, telling you that he was gonna be late, before he kissed you, he was out the door before the sun came up. 

Whenever Joel told you he would be late you took the long way home. Winding back alleys that were mostly empty that always led back to the apartment building. It was just a treat for yourself, something to do to fill time that would be spent at home, waiting for him. 

You never had any issues or alterations. 

Until that afternoon. 

Joel will be late. 

So the second your shift is over you take the handful of cards and make your way through the city. And just like you’ve done every other time, you look behind you every once and a while but not nearly as much as you should. Because of this, you don’t see him until it’s too late. 

It’s a younger man, probably a year or two older than you at most peering around the last corner you turned. Once he knows he’s been seen his pace quickens and instinctively you do the same. 

“On the ground!” The second you hear it you pray it’s for someone else, it has to be, you’ve done nothing wrong. You walk faster, hoping to avoid what could be a messy confrontation when the sound of boots slamming on the pavement rushes towards you and you’re forced up against the wall of the alley. 

In your peripheral you catch the white text against the black of his uniform. 

FEDRA. 

Your knees are kicked from under you as he pins your arms behind your back, the force at which your head hits the stone has you dizzy as you try to catch your breath. Too much is happening too quickly, when you finally feel like you can use your voice the wind is knocked out of you as you feel him hit you in the side, hard enough to have you wondering if he broke a rib. The force of the hit makes your knees crumble completely as the officer lets you fall, only giving you enough time to get to your hands and knees before his boot slams into your stomach knocking you onto your side. 

Finally, when you roll over onto your back you get a clear look at him. He looks like your average FEDRA officer, the only thing out of place is the unsure look on his face. Your ears are ringing so you barely make out what he says, all you catch is something about thinking you were someone else, before he turns and leaves as if it never happened.

Leaving you alone to clutch your stomach and wonder what just happened, and what you did to deserve that. 

You’d never heard of random attacks from FEDRA before. Maybe in other zones, but the city has always been calm as far as that goes. Maybe things really did get worse while your leg was healing. 

Joel was right. 

That’s all you can think about as you stumble to get to your feet, everything hurts but now is not the time to assess your wounds, you need to get home before something else happens. You manage to hobble up the stairs of the building, nearly collapsing by the time you opened the door. 

You feel so stupid. 

Joel was right. 

It isn’t safe out there, at least not for you. No one fucks with Joel, no one attacks him on the street because they’re afraid of him. No ones afraid of you. 

It’s a long couple of hours after that. 

Mostly a lot of berating yourself as you try to take in the extent of the damage. 

Surprisingly it seems to mostly be surface level. Sure, you’re going to bruise pretty bad and your face got scraped up on the stones but nothing permanent seems to have been inflicted. 

Once you’ve showered and slipped into an old shirt of his and a pair of panties you climb into bed, wanting this day to just be over, but you know it isn’t. Right on schedule you hear the lock click as Joel steps through the front door, you hide your face in your pillow. 

“What are you still doin’ up? It’s almost midnight.” His voice is a low whisper as you hear the familiar sounds of him kicking off his boots and setting down his things. You hear the outer layer of his clothing hit the floor, you told him a while ago you thought it was gross that he slept in the clothes he wore all day. He started sleeping in his undershirt and boxers after that. “You okay, Darlin’?” The bed shifts as he sits beside you and the second you turn and look at him his jaw twitches. “Christ… what the hell happened? Who did this to you?” He’s managing to stay mostly calm but you’re already worried he’s going to blow. 

“It’s nothing, I just had an issue with an officer on my way-“

“This is not nothing.” He’s already fussing with your face as you take his hands and move them away from you. 

“Joel-“

“Tell me what happened.” It’s a command and you’re too tired to fabricate something, and for the first time in a while, you’re afraid. 

So you tell him exactly how it happened. And before you realize it’s happening you’re sniffling, a part of you feels like you’re about to be scolded for this but he only nods, never interrupting you until you’ve finished. 

Your vision’s blurry with tears when you look up at him, the weight of being attacked starts to weigh heavy as you realize just how lucky you were that that was all that happened. And then you say the words he’s been waiting to hear.

“You were right, Joel.” 

“I’m sorry, angel. I should have been there to protect you.” He holds his arms open and you don’t hesitate as you lean forward into him. You do your best to hold it together as he lays you down before clicking off the lamp and pulling you back against him. He softly scratches your back, kissing the top of your head as he does. It’s silent for a few more minutes until he suddenly whispers into the darkness. “Tell me you’ll stay here from now on.”

“Joel, I-“

“No more going out there without me. You’ll stay safe right here, no one can hurt you here, not while I’m around.” You open your mouth to argue again but stop yourself. 

He’s right. 

Now that you’ve calmed down you know that you’re lucky to even be alive. You don’t know why you were attacked but you know it could happen again, and there are worse things than being beaten. 

No one would hurt you here, not with Joel around. 

“Stay here, angel.” He murmurs, softer this time. 

Joel is right.

“Okay.”

He isn’t beside you when you wake up, your hands searching through the cold sheets seeking his warmth. He had mentioned something as you were falling asleep about an early morning supply run but you had hoped to say goodbye before he left, you wanted to make him breakfast. As you get ready to roll back over and sleep a bit more you’re startled into an upright position. 

“You should watch where you’re flying, angel.” You bite back a shriek as Tess’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen. 

“Christ, you scared the hell out of me!” Your heart skips a beat as you reach over to the nightstand, pulling on the little chain that turns the lamp on. “Joel’s not even here, what are you doing?” You don’t like the idea of being alone with her, she doesn’t come around much anymore, you used to see her in the hall on her way here constantly, but after you moved in she stopped. 

You do your best not to flinch as she makes her way over to you, standing at the foot of the bed.

“I’m not here to hurt you, there’s no need for theatrics.” You hadn’t realized you were shaking so badly until she said it, it takes a conscious effort but you manage to stop it for the most part. “I’m just here to talk.”

“About what?” 

“About you and Joel.”

You don’t want to talk about that with Tess. You don’t want to talk to Tess at all, she frightens you and she knows it. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” This time when you flinch she hesitates. For a brief moment the facade of a woman who fears nothing drops, and you swear you see sympathy in her eyes. “Joel is dangerous, you need to be careful with him or you’re going to get hurt.”

Is that why she’s here? To try and break you up? 

“He won’t hurt me, he cares about me.” You wish you sounded more sure of yourself. 

“You’re right, at least for now.” She flips her pocket knife open, ever so carefully running the blade along the underside of her nails, scraping away any dirt or grime she so happens to find, you fight the urge to flinch again. When she finally looks back up at you she takes a moment, examining your expression as if this was an interrogation. “Being loved by him is the worst thing that could possibly happen to a girl like you.”

You can’t help but scoff, now look who’s being theatrical. “A girl like me?”

“Good, too good. And fragile.” She points at you with the blade before returning to her nails. “He’ll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means breaking you into tiny little pieces, just so you’ll fit in a box he can lock.” 

You’re about to call her a liar but you hesitate. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You deserve to know.”

“Okay, but why? You don’t even like me.”

“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you.” 

Fair enough.

“I think you should go.” You don’t want to hear anything else. You don’t believe anything she’s saying and the entire conversation makes you feel sick. She doesn’t know anything about your relationship with him, and she clearly doesn’t know anything about Joel. He’d do anything for you, you don’t think you’ve ever been taken care of before you met him.  

“What do you know about glue traps?” She doesn’t make any effort to leave so you decide to just answer her with a sigh. 

“Like the ones you use to catch mice? I don’t know, Joel buys them sometimes.”

She points her knife in the direction of the corner of the room, it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust. Sure enough, in the corner of the room, peeking out from under his dresser, is the faint outline of something on the floor, you’d never noticed it before. 

“It’s the worst kind of way to catch a mouse.” She stands, walking across the room and peeling up the trap with the edge of her blade before snapping it shut and taking the edge of the trap between her fingers, dragging it across the floor to the middle of the room so you had a clear view of it. “They’ll do anything to get out.” The tip of her boot nudges the corner of the trap, now that it’s been dragged into the lamp light you can see exactly what she wanted to show you. Two things are in the bloody trap. A mouse, barely alive, based on the way its chest rises and falls, and something else. A caterpillar maybe? 

No. 

A leg. A bloody mouse leg, on the edge of the trap. 

“They’ll chew off their limbs, and peel off their own skin just to get out, the ones that manage to are lucky enough to bleed out somewhere else. The ones stuck in the trap though?” She nods down at the creature you now refuse to look at. “They’ve got it the worst. Suffocation, dehydration, the ones who try to peel off and can’t, bleed out, stuck in place.”   

With a sudden crunch, her boot slams down on the trap. You watch, slack jawed, as she peels it off the sole before tossing it in the bin in the corner. 

“I’d take a quick death over either of those.”

“I think you should leave. Now.” You try to sound authoritative but your voice trembles too much to sound anything but afraid. 

“I heard you got caught up in some FEDRA business yesterday.” She starts again but you’ve had enough.

“Tess.” You manage to have a bit of sterness this time in your tone but it doesn’t seem to affect her much. 

“Fine. I’ll leave. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You catch that sympathetic look one more time before she unlocks the door chain, twisting the doorknob before speaking one last time. “I noticed some of our inventory is missing, this is the only warning you’re gonna get about that. If you want shit like that just ask, I’m sure Joel would be more than happy to have another way to control you.” She doesn’t turn around when she says it, simply slamming the door and leaving. You have no clue what she’s talking about, but that isn’t the part of the conversation that sticks with you. All you can think about is that crunching sound. 

So you avoided her after that, writing off her words as an act of jealousy. 

Joel would never do anything to hurt you.

Of course you know better now. She was just like you, she had been in the glue trap herself when she tried to keep you from joining her, but you hadn’t listened, instead you’d fallen face first into Joel. And he wouldn't let you go without keeping some of you for himself.

i don't have a taglist anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates on all fics !!

[satellite-evans]

poets & soulmates

Pairing: Harry Styles x reader

Summary: Harry doesn’t know how to react when he learns that you don’t believe in soulmates.

Word count: a cute little blurb

Warnings: angst? Flufffff

A/N: heyyyyy!!!!!

It’s been ages since I last posted a fic, so I am soooo excited to post my very first Harry Styles one! I really hope you guys like it, I’ve worked on this for a while, so let’s see how it goes. I’m very excited and nervous to post this, but I am so happy to be back! Please tell me what you guys think and give me as much as feedback as you can so I can grow and be a better Harry fic writer for you all xxx

English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, talks, vents, recommendations or just simple questions are always welcome.

Happy reading xxx

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.

~

If you had to describe the love you shared with Harry with a poem, you would probably choose the one from Edgar Allan Poe.

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”

It said so much in such few words; the best description of your love for him.

Because it is true, it is more than love. Always had been. If you took the love out of the relationship, you and Harry would be left with so much to survive. There was trust, for example. And also intimacy. Not to forget there was an understanding between you, too, that no one understood. If you were in a room with thousands of people, he would recognize you, every single time. Like you were a shining diamond between rocks. The effect you both had on each other, was beyond explaining in chemistry. Harry could touch you, and the breath that would escape from your lips oh so silently would already expose the effect he had on you.

Harry was no different, either. Seeing you smile proudly when you looked at him, made him turn into dust, that you blew away with your eyes. But he was afraid at first. To love.

He was afraid to love you.

For him, you were a stunning mystery. You carried things deep inside you that no one understood, and Harry was afraid to fail like the others. In his eyes, you were like the ocean and he was just a man who loved the waves but was completely terrified of swimming.

How couldn’t he be? At twenty nine, everyone had an idea in their head about how Harry was in relationships. Some said that he was single because he had commitment issues, others said the reason he was still alone was that he was too much of a playboy.

Yes, he had a few relationships before you and some of them did not end well, but Harry always respected and treated them with his kindness, always wanted the best for them.

He would do everything for his love, for you.

“Hey, love?” He asked you, clearly with hesitation. The way his voice shook a little didn’t go unnoticed by you in his London home where the both of you were lying in his bed. After spring came, Harry offered you to stay with him until summer so the two of you could enjoy long walks in the park with his favorite companion. You never said yes to an offer so quickly before in your life.

“Yes H, everything okay?”

How? How was it that every time Harry wanted to start a subject that was sensitive for him, you already knew by just the way he asked you his first question? Call it magic, call it luck. Harry liked to call it love.

“Do you think we’re soulmates? Like-I mean, we would be together and we will be forever?”

He didn’t know why that question was so important to him, but it was. He wanted to know your opinions and thoughts about the future both of you had. Every time Harry was dreaming about his future and how it would look, he realized you were always there. In the audience when he opened his biggest show ever, in the delivery room when he held his baby for the first time, everywhere. So your answer was very important to him. He wanted- no; he needed to know if he was present in your future as much as you were present in his.

“No, I don’t think we are. But that’s because I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Ouch. That shouldn’t have hurt him, but it did. Blaming you would be pointless. You didn’t believe in the whole idea of soulmates, but that didn’t make him less insecure. He knew it was too good to be true. That you were too good to be true.

The whole aura of the room changed and Harry slowly got up from where he was lying between your legs. You saw that his demeanor changed and that the happy, slightly tired Harry got replaced with a sad Harry.

“Hey, hey what’s that all about? Why the sad face?”

Honesty was one thing you both took extremely seriously. So that’s what you wanted to do this time, too. But without realizing you broke slightly Harry’s heart.

“It’s nothing, really. You don’t have to believe we are soulmates. I don’t know why I’m sad if I am being honest.” He said with a slight smirk that didn’t reach his eyes. He was clearly devastated by your answer.

You sat closer to him on his bed, touched his cheeks with your hands, and stared him deeply into his eyes. Harry already felt his heartbeat going faster. It was going so fast that he thought he was going to have a stroke. He held on to your arm dearly, so if he fainted, you could hold him. Like you always had been.

“I don’t believe in soulmates, and I don’t think that you & I were meant to end up together. What I believe is that we fell in love & that we worked hard for our relationship. I mean, look at you, you’re an amazing person with qualities so great that an individual can only dream of having those. Every woman is lucky to have you. I am from another country and I am younger than you. Remember all the news that they made about us when we first started going out? They told me I was a gold digger, that you were too good for me, that you cheated on me, and so on. But we didn’t listen to any of them. We let our love grow because we knew, H. We knew that what we had was special, and not everybody was lucky enough to feel what we felt. So no, I don’t think we are soulmates. But you are the one for me; Harry. You were in my past when I didn’t even know. You are my person in the present, And you will be in the future. Because I will always, undoubtedly, love you.”

Without waiting for his response, you connected your lips with his. You knew he was sensitive and these bare confessions took a toll on him, so you just kissed him, to let him know it was okay. That you were there for him, always.

“Just give me 3-5 business days, and I’ll come up with even a bigger love confession, promise.”

Harry said, after he broke the bruising kiss.

He wasn’t lying. Harry had no words to say to you. He knew you loved him, but not that much. It was like his brain & heart were on fire and you just put them out with your words. Relief washed over him, and like a cherry on his favorite cake, you kissed him with adoration.

“Oh, I know you will. It’s a known fact that you were always better with words, but just so you know, you don’t have to. I feel your love every time you look at me. Hate to break it to you, but your eyes give it away how much you love me, Styles.”

He didn’t care about the idea of the whole soulmate anymore. He felt so stupid that he was thinking about that. The love that the both of you shared, was more special, and rare. The two of you were even better than soulmates.

“That I do, Y/N. That I do. I love you so fucking much. It sometimes hurts. It hurts not to touch you, not to be near you, not to kiss you.”

He closed the gap between you with a passionate kiss again, that knocked your breath away. Your whole body was on fire, not knowing what to do. With every touch of his on your skin, the fire started to get more and more aggressive. He released your lips, but stayed close, so you could feel his breath on your lips and he could hear your heartbeat going faster.

“I am no poet, Y/N but just know that if I was, you would be my biggest inspiration.”

You looked him in the eyes, trying to control your breathing, but it was a lost cause. His blue eyes were like ice digging into your heart, and the only thing you could do was surrender.

“That might be the best poem I’ve ever heard.”

[megumimania]

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES - ryomen sukuna

summary: your boyfriend hates modern technology.

warnings: sukuna x fem reader, sukuna is an old hag (affectionately), sukuna not fucking with consumerism is he in his marxist era?🤔, sukuna is a softie when he wants to be, sukuna is ooc because i hate writing mean men :), yuji being a hottie is my fav hc of all time, i can’t believe im giving amazon free promo 😞.

notes: i missed you guys!

sukuna cant wrap his head around technology.

he doesn’t understand why companies sell ‘new’ phones every single year, when they perform the same exact functions as the previous one.

he doesn’t like how your coffee machine has too many buttons when all he wants in the morning is just a cup of black coffee to get him through the day. sukuna just prefers doing things the old fashioned way which makes him subject to teasing by you and his little brother yuuji.

he doesn’t care though, constantly talking about how he’s ‘escaped the matrix’ by not owning an up to date phone and only getting his news from the daily paper and tv. however his view on technology changed once you brought alexa home.

initially he thought that it was a speaker and was confused to why you bought another one. “it’s not just a speaker ryo,” you corrected him swiftly. “she’s a digital assistant that can tell you the time, the weather, recipes and she can even tell jokes.”

sukuna looked at you with the same wariness he’d give to a snake oil salesman. “can’t your phone do the same exact thing for less?” you knew he was lowkey right but your stubbornness refused to let him get the upper hand.

“that’s not the point babe.” you playfully rolled your eyes at him, carrying the box to the kitchen counter and setting it down with a loud thump. “now if you’ll excuse me i’ll be busy setting my alexa up.” you huffed as you opened the instructions trying to make sense of them.

sukuna looked over at your focused expression. your brow furrowed with concentration as you read the instructions. it was simple really and within a couple of minutes the alexa was ready to go and by the joyous look of pride on your face sukuna knew that he was going to be in for one hell of a ride.

and unfortunately he was right.

life with an alexa was hell. sukuna barely got through the day without hearing the monotone female voice rattle off the hottest food spots or tell you a stupid joke that was suddenly the most funniest thing alive. he used to make you laugh like that!

he felt like the speaker was taunting him. hell he couldn’t even have some down time with you without that stupid speaker getting in the way. it was literally like he was third wheeling all the time and he hated it. you were his girlfriend first!

sukuna didn’t like being second best. especially to a glorified speaker.

you and sukuna were cuddling on the couch together after finishing a movie—terminator 2 to be exact. “so what do you think of the alexa?” you asked whilst the credits rolled, mindlessly stroking his cheek with your acrylic nails whilst he rubbed your legs.

sukuna tensed at the question as he tried to think of a way to answer without sounding like a complete asshole. “well…im not really a fan.” you could already tell from the dry tone and his poor attempt of acting unfazed that he was lying through his teeth.

“if that’s the case then why did i find it in the bathtub?” you pulled up the waterlogged alexa in a ziploc bag. sukuna would usually have a sarcastic reply in his arsenal but he was now looking at you as if he was a deer caught in headlights.

“fine, i used the damned thing.” he raised his hands up as he accepted defeat much to your surprise. “it fell into the bathtub when i was trying to stream that megan the stallion song yuuji told me to listen to. he said something about the song needing to go number 1 on the charts.”

you sat back in disbelief. you didn’t know whether to be annoyed, angry or smitten with him. “i’m glad yuji is helping you become more cultured but why did my alexa have to die for such a good cause!” you wailed dramatically collapsing on the floor, clutching the alexa to your chest.

sukuna lifted you off the floor with such ease it almost made you jealous. “stop whining i already ordered another one. it should be coming in a few days.” he said with his usual gruff tone that was laced with softness, peppering kisses down your neck.

you giggled as his stubble tickled your skin. “that was quick, you missed it that much already?” you teased him whilst you hooked your arms around him running your nails down the nape of his neck.

sukuna rolled his eyes at your playful expression. “i’m still anti technology, don’t be fooled.” one thing sukuna was to his core was a hater but like most haters he rarely stood on business.

“whatever you say babe.” you hummed biting back a smile. you and sukuna knew give or take two months that he’d change his opinion about it.

[arachnixe]

Small Minded

They say there are powers—unfathomable and unnamed—buried deep within the earth. Boons and banes and spirits and seductions call to the ambitious, but I've never known of someone actually finding one until now.

What does one say to a dark sorceress on the cusp of her victory?

My knight, so loyal and brave, wheezes and gasps for breath within his broken armor. Our roguish friend, normally so quick witted and talkative, lies silent and unmoving in a pool of blood. I don't have the strength left to heal either of them.

"Let it sink in, Princess. I've won."

She has. I bow my head in defeat.

"The Godsblood is mine."

It hovers within her reach, an unshaped carmine gem formed of the crystallized blood of whatever forgotten god was buried here. The sickly sweet scent of its power, like rotting fruit, fills the air.

"With it, I shall wield ultimate power."

Yes, the power to remake the world according to her whim, to raise mountains from the sea or to sink cities into the abyss at her pleasure, perhaps even to rewrite the laws of space and time if she desires.

"At last, I will depose your father and rule all of Rutennia in his place!"

I jerk my head upright and stare at her in disbelief. "What?"

The sorceress Velle grins like an idiot. "You heard me, Princess. Your whole kingdom will be mine."

My face must betray my feelings, judging by the way her confidence falters at my reaction. "You've claimed a power like this, and all you can think to do with it is take over this kingdom?"

"Your father—"

"Yes. I know." I wave off her explanation, disinterested. "He didn't see your worth, you wanted to show us all, I get it, but if all you wanted to do was rule Rutennia, you could have just courted me and then poisoned my father!" I scrub at my face in frustration and suppress a scream. "What small-minded ambitions!"

That throws her off balance. "Small minded? I won! I'm getting everything I want!"

"And what you want," I retort, "is a single grain of sand on a beach." I ball my hands into fists and stalk toward her, outraged that my friends died for so little. "You are a cat who stole a siege engine to catch the mouse that once eluded you. You wouldn't even know what to do with the kingdom once you had it."

Velle barks an indignant laugh. "As if the king does!" She casts a hand toward me, magically halting my approach. "No, he has others handle all the administrative duties so he can simply bask in the worship of his subjects!"

"And when the people don't worship you?" I ask through gritted teeth, "because trade with Melland and Istow has completely halted without their kings' cousin sitting our throne?"

"I'LL MAKE THEM!" She makes a tugging motion in the air, yanking me forward to shout the words in my face. "With the Godsblood I can make my subjects dance like puppets at my command! They will all kneel before my throne."

This close to the gem, the scent fills my senses. It leaves me feeling lightheaded, giddy, almost delirious, even. It draws an inappropriate giggle out of me before I can retort. "Build a doll out of cloth and sticks. Make it kneel. Put worshipful words in its mouth. It will mean just as much. Personally, I got tired of playing with dolls at age eight."

Her face reddens. "You think you can trick me into giving up my goals? You think you can convince me this power is worthless?"

"Worthless?" I cackle. "The power of a dead god, worthless? No, only the things you imagine doing with it are worthless. You want to know what you should do with all that power? I'll tell you."

She leans forward, obviously curious.

"Istow's ports give it mastery of the sea and trade we need," I explain, as if to a child, "but we don't need them if we bring the sea to us. Flood their plains, drown their whole nation if you'd like, but take that bargaining chip away."

Some dim, distant part of me says I shouldn't give her ideas, but every inhale of the intoxicating aroma of Godsblood fills my mind with visions of what that power can do. Why can't she see it as clearly as I do?

"Melland," I continue, "is weak but well defended by the terrain. Pull the mountains down onto their capital, swallow their impregnable fortress in a new chasm, and their resources become ours."

Velle's eyes light up with understanding. "Yes, yes, you're right!"

No, no, no, even I'm still thinking too small. Like a petty warlord with a mere weapon. But this is no weapon, it's the power of a god. I take a deep breath and focus. I need to be thinking like a god.

"No, why set our sights on conquering our neighbors," I muse aloud, "when there's a whole world out there to reshape? We don't need what they have. It's not a zero sum game anymore."

Judging by her face, I've lost Velle again, but I don't care. My thoughts race. With every breath I take, my vision crystallizes.

She doesn't need to understand. I don't speak for her to hear; I speak because I must. "A perfect world, answering only to me. Every river, every pebble, the mountains and the seas, the very stars in the sky, all mine…"

"No." The sorceress shakes her head and tightens her grip on the magical restraints holding me in place. "The Godsblood is mine. I found it. I got here first. You lost."

She sounds so petulant, so small. Velle doesn't understand power, not really. She's merely a spurned court magician who deluded herself into thinking she was more, not someone with the will to rule.

And this is no inert stone. The heart's blood of a god demands to be wielded. It demands the will to wield it.

It was mine the moment I decided it was mine.

Without transition, the stone is already in my hand. A twitch of a thought tears Velle's restraints to pieces, no more than a cobweb caught on a boot.

She's screaming, shouting something, flinging spells my way, but my attention falls instead upon the crumpled figures of my dear companions.

With a thought, I am no longer next to her. I stand beside my knight, seeing him inside and out. His body is a trifle to mend, and like wiping dust from a windowsill, I smooth away the injuries. With little effort, I scan the thoughts within his mind, and… oh, what useful secrets lurking within! Many ways to control this one if he chooses to resist me.

My thief is dead. I refuse to abide that for the only one I recall who could consistently make me laugh, and a god deserves a jester even more than a king, right? All it takes is a touch to reignite the spark of life and bid the soul return to its body; funny, I always imagined resurrection to be a more difficult process.

Last of all, my sorceress. I don't need to read her thoughts to recognize her profound denial of the reality of this situation. She flings chaotic bolts of fire and lightning and ice at me, howling threats and curses that mean very little.

If I want her as my high priestess, I should impress her more.

We stand in the middle of a great empty ribcage, and yes, I think a god-bone crown would suit me. Brittle ribs bend like supple grasses, shrink and weave themselves into an ornate crown to rest on my head. I crush the Godsblood gem in my fist and direct the shards to implant themselves in pleasing patterns within the bone.

Velle ceases her assault. I watch her delusions melt away upon witnessing me destroy the gem. The light of understanding dawns within her mind that my power is entirely mine, never to be stolen. A god-bone collar snakes around her neck as gently as a princess's gloved hand, and I can taste her complete surrender.

The whole world also aches for my touch, but it will have to wait just a little longer for my design to perfect it. There are many more boons and banes buried within this graveyard world, and I'll need every last one if I wish to extend my reach beyond even the stars.

And my first three worshippers still need training.

[bpcr3yes]

Hello again, lately I've been obsessed with Valeria Garza and I decided to write some headcanons about her because I'm tired of only talking to bots 💀

VALERIA GARZA HEADCANONS (realisct maybe?) (a little subjective??? I don't know)

She is a woman with a strong personality, fearless, focused, stubborn, arrogant.

She is el sin nombré, owner of the biggest cartel in Latina America, she certainly had many women. She has a preference for chubby women, she likes to squeeze, you would probably be an anti-stress ball for her.

I have a lot of doubts about her being bisexual or lesbian (or straight if we could even add that option) but I believe she is a lesbian, a furious one at that, about her relationship with Alejandro I believe she used him (she appears to have a personality narcissistic and manipulative) she used him to get information so her plan could work.

I believe that when she was a soldier in the armed forces, she was totally confident and determined, many men were around her because she was beautiful (and hot) so she had a razor instead of a tongue I believe, she was always shouting insults or belittling men, only with her commanders she was more... well-behaved.

In the interrogation part, we see her tell Alejandro that she didn't take orders anymore, but then you can understand that he was her commander, and she was certainly angry with him.

After she became owner of the cartel, her life became extremely stressful, she doesn't trust any of her men (I think Diego was an exception) she believes if something needs to be done it's perfectly fine to have a woman do it because she thinks men they don't think.

I like to think that she has a trophy wife that she only takes to events like parties, bars and meetings. The wife's only job is to stand there being pretty and not say a single thing.

Now let's talk about this truly passionate woman of ours.

If you are in a long-term relationship (5 or 3 years) she would be completely in love with you. The type of wife who comes home and gives you a long kiss and hug, to make up for lost time.

Every month you go out to eat at a fancy restaurant and then spend the night together. (a long night I can say)

In public, like at events or on the street when you go out together, she rarely shows any type of physical touch, she prefers to remain secret. When she's in the Cartel it's totally different, she makes a point of kissing and grabbing you in front of everyone without caring, she would probably touch you sensually in front of her men but if someone is bold enough to think they can have fun together, She shoots twice. One on the head and the other on the penis.

She is a possessive woman, she would politely (not so politely) ask you to have her initials tattooed on your hip. She would also have a tattoo about you on the back of her neck.

about Family, this part is a little confusing when I create the headcanons. Most of the hcs I read said that she had mommy issues, I believe she was a daddy's girl, while her mother was narcissistic to the extreme, always belittling her for simple things.

Her mother probably had a lot of problems with medication. I also think that Valeria always had an attitude, never lowering her head to anyone. No matter the occasion.

Her family on her father's side loved her and disliked her mother, she probably had kind and caring grandparents and aunts. I like to think that she spent a lot of time with her grandmother, cooking, helping her with everything.

She must have had cousins too, she and them would turn the house upside down.

There's a part in the interrogation scene where Alejandro is saying that she ruined the army and he says "and your brother too?" It makes me think that Valeria joined the army to prove that she had the same value as her older brothers (to prove to her mother that she was capable too)

I imagine her brothers being strong, big and courageous lieutenants, she could be close to one of the two, while she didn't even make a point of saying good morning to the other.

that's it for now ♡

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Just had the wild realisation that I can write whatever I want here. This is a thing that I am allowed to do. I can scream into the void. I don't have to tag my posts. Grammar is a social construct. It doesn't matter who's listening. The people I love and who love me will talk to me posts or no posts. Someone's going to read this and smile. Even if it's just me.

I can watch only the finales of shows to see their happy endings. I can eat cornflakes in the afternoon. I can go into bookstores just to creepily stare at the hardcovers of Victorian literature. I can write meticulous notes for subjects I'm not studying, and highlight it to Pinterest perfection. I can tell people I want to bite them out of sheer love. I can write long emails to my friends about weird slippers that remind me of them.

I can tell you that it's been a hot year, the hottest one to date, and that April hasn't seen a single drop of rain fall onto the earth. But it's hanging in the air, making it heavy with moisture and that relentless, relentless heat. It's muggy and the swamp theme I chose for my bullet journal couldn't be more appropriate. I can tell you how I keep singing that song in my head, Corner Of My Sky, the one whose music video has Michael Sheen wrangling with an occult toaster. "The rain, the rain, the rain, thank god the rain."

I can tell you anything I like. I can tell you that I'm afraid of being forgotten, that I've always longed to be famous, that I have a hard time not caring about every single little thing. I can tell you that I'm ace and I'm afraid that no one will ever love me the way I need them too, even if I love them the way that they need me to. I can tell you the nightmares have gotten better, but they're still there, they don't seem to want to leave me. I can tell you that I'm so much more ill and broken than I dare think about. Because I am afraid that if I start thinking about it, I shan't stop, and then it will become everything. And I don't want it to be everything. I can tell you that. I can tell you that I have beautiful memories, too, not just the fear and the loss and the anger.

I can tell you that I'm a performer, an entertainer, and I love making people laugh. I'm more comfortable on stage, where people are already listening, than trying to go up and make conversation to groups of strangers. I can tell you how wonderful it feels to have been able to speak to so many people all around the world, to have them know me, to listen to me, and to listen to them in turn. I can tell you that I don't know where to draw the line sometimes, I'm never entirely sure when I'm joking, and the act easily becomes a second skin. I can tell you all of that.

I can tell you all the things that I used to tell myself in letters sealed in envelopes addressed to Future Me. And it won't matter, and it does matter, and it's all so fucking absurd. It doesn't make any sense at all. Does it? I don't know. I can tell you that I don't know very much at all. Knock knock. Who's there? No one. No one who? No one who matters. Knock knock. I haven't been able to walk around for a month. This room is an oven and I'm being slow-cooked, broiled into a little Asmi pie. I read fanfiction yesterday after a long while. That was nice. I think it's really cool that you all know me. You do know me. Sometimes better than I know myself. I can tell you that.

I can tell you the truth. I can tell you I love you. And that to be seen and to be known is a gift that I will always be grateful for. I can tell you that you don't have to listen. But if you do, then hi! Nothing makes sense. Let's sit in the nonsense for a while. I have biscuits. Would you like one? I'm very human. It's one of the things that gets me so easily hurt. Maybe it happens to you too. I can tell you that my plant Crowley is surviving, unlike the others did. I can tell you that maybe you and I are, too.

It's 8:02 in the morning. I might just eat breakfast now. It does seem like the thing to do. How weird and wonderful that is.

[goosefruit]

new year's kiss

vanessa shelly x reader tw: situationship, vanessa has a fear of intimacy :(( (happy ending though!!) a/n: happy new year!!! hope vanessa gives yall a kiss at midnight <33

“Hey Y/N, Over here!”  The familiar voice shouted at you over the noise of conversations and wine glasses clinking. 

You breathed a sigh of relief, having been afraid that you would have to navigate this mess of a party alone. The voice came from a nearby couch, where Vanessa lounged with a glass of champagne in hand. You noticed that she was still in her police uniform, as opposed to the sparkly dresses most of the other girls wore. 

“Did you just get here? Sorry I didn’t see you earlier, too many people at the front door.” Her face lit up as you approached her. She made room for you to sit, which you graciously accepted. 

“Yeah, just a couple minutes ago. My bad for being late, the traffic was wild…you know, with today being New Year’s Eve and all.” 

To be honest, the only reason you were here instead of basking in the comfortable silence of your own apartment was because of the very pretty blonde cop seated before you. This was her friend’s New Year celebration, but she had invited you as a plus one, despite you not knowing a single other person. 

“You look gorgeous,” there was a twinkle in her green eyes. “That dress is absolutely perfect on you.”

Your cheeks grew hot at her compliment, self-consciously adjusting the straps of your tight black dress. “And you look amazing as always. But I have to ask, why the uniform?” 

“Oh, I didn’t have time to drive home so I just came straight from work. Almost startled a few people ‘cause they thought I was here for a noise complaint!” 

Somehow, everything Vanessa said made you giggle. There was something so charming about the way she carried herself, and her soothing voice was honey to your ears. 

Not to mention, she looked hot as hell in that uniform. 

Your conversation turned to the topic of work, then New Year’s resolutions, and then whatever random subject you could think of to keep her talking. 

It was nearing midnight when she asked: “So, what’s your biggest wish for this new year?”

Your eyebrows knitted together at having to choose just one.

“I mean, besides ‘stop pulling unnecessary all-nighters’ and ‘remembering to floss every day’.” She chuckled as she recalled the long list of resolutions you had recited to her earlier. “Something…life-changing. Something out of your control, even.” 

Looking into her dazzling eyes, the answer came to you simply and plainly. 

“I want to fall in love.” 

If you didn’t know any better, you might’ve already been falling in love with this irresistible woman. How could you not? You were drawn to her from the moment you met. 

It was evident that Vanessa adored you too, taking you out for dates and texting you ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ every day without fail. 

Which was why it frustrated you so much that you couldn’t call her your girlfriend. 

Every time you tried to bring up making things official, she would tell you that she needed time to think things through. That she wasn’t ready, that she needed to clean up family matters, or that she hadn’t come out yet.

You were willing to wait for her, but you didn’t know how much patience you had left. 

“Y/N…” Vanessa seemed to get the hint. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pressure yo-”

“Let’s talk about this outside, how ‘bout that? It’s too loud in here and I need a breath of fresh air.” 

She dragged you out to the driveway, where her police car was parked amongst a sea of the other partygoers’ vehicles. You climbed into the passenger seat beside her, head finally a little clearer away from the noise. 

“You have every right to be angry at me, and I completely understand if you want to see someone else instead.” Vanessa started before you could say anything. “I haven’t been fair to you. I want you to be happy, I want your wish to come true, but I know I’m getting in the way.” 

“Vanessa, I’m happiest when I’m with you. It sounds cheesy as fuck but there’s no better way to put it.” 

“But I know you want something more serious than what we’ve got.” She completed your thought. Vanessa opened her mouth to continue, but nothing came out. 

An awkwardness came over the two of you before you broke the silence.

“I don’t know the real reason as to why you can’t commit, and I won’t pretend to know. But Vanessa,” you paused and made sure that she was looking back at you. “You deserve to fall in love too. You don’t have to wait till everything’s perfect, because then you’ll be waiting forever.”

“Bu-”

“I know your family is imperfect—-and you can tell me more about it when you’re ready—-and I know you like to close yourself off to protect the people around you from whatever it is that terrifies you so much. But my dear, we can work through that together! That’s what a partner is for, and I want to be the one that you can turn to.”

Vanessa fidgeted with the sleeve of her uniform, trying to hide her watery eyes from your searching gaze. No one had ever spoken to her with such tenderness. 

“So can you be the one that I fall in love with next year?” You could practically hear your heart pound as you awaited her response.

She finally allowed her eyes to meet yours in the dim light of her car. There was something there, other than the shadow of fear that appeared whenever you got too close. Her eyes were seeking permission, glancing at your lips intently. 

You leaned in closer to her.

Suddenly, that shadow of fear in her eyes seemed to vanish, now replaced by a fiery sort of determination. 

You reached out and grabbed her tie, pulling her in and crashing your lips together. 

Outside, you could hear fireworks explode in the sky and people cheering as the last second of the year ticked by. 

You felt Vanessa smile against your lips, cupping your face and deepening the kiss.

[natsgrave]

YOU'RE LOSING ME | wanda maximoff

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'? Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? And you know what they all say, you don't know what you got until it's gone. i do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other sites. plagiarism is a crime!! masterlist

Y/N's POV

What are you really willing to do for love? For someone so important to you?

Well, for me, I'll do everything and anything for that person. Even though it hurts. So much.

I rolled to my side and smile instantly crept into my face. There she is, my girlfriend looking so peaceful. I admire her sleeping state and curved her figures inside my mind.

"You know, it's rude to stare." She suddenly spoke making me laugh.

"What? Can't I admire my gorgeous girl?" I teasingly asked.

She slowly opened her eyes revealing my favorite green eyes, "Good morning, Y/N." she whispered with a smile.

"Good morning, witchy." I softly said with a little laugh that I tried to hide causing her to throw a pillow at me.

I love morning like this. Just us not caring about the world.

Just like the clock works before we know it, we already have to leave the bed to face reality.

"It's nice to finally see you awake, love birds." Tony said as he took a sipped of his coffee.

"We're not love birds, Stark." Wanda replied with the roll of her eyes.

Ah, yes, we're secret because she said and I quote she's not yet ready to come out. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt me one bit because it does. All I want is to love her, out in the open and not like this.

I felt a hand touches my shoulder causing me to go back to reality, I look infront of me and met Wanda's soft gazes, "Are you okay? I've called you so many times."

"Oh, yeah. Don't worry, I'm good." I breathed out and walked away not giving her any second glance.

I walked towards the kitchen and make myself coffee when Natasha spoke.

"Still keeping it a secret?" I didn't even notice she's here. And yes, she's the only one who knows about our relationship. We didn't tell her for the record, she just walked in on us… making out.

Anyway, I look up at her and gave her a defeated smile, "Isn't it obvious?"

"How long are you going to ignore that pain inside your chest?" she asked and I didn't answer because honestly… I don't know either.

"Y/N, when are you going to choose yourself? When are you going to see what your worth really is?" She continues holding my shoulder forcing me to face her.

"I love her." I whispered.

"And I know that, I can see that. Hell, you wouldn't even ignore and bare all this pain if you don't." Nat said and lift my chin, "You're like a sister to me and I don't say this often but I do love you, Y/N. I care for you and it's really hard seeing my little sister getting hurt whether she does it unintentionally." She softly added.

"Nat, I-" The words I was about to say instantly cut off when I heard Wanda's laugh ringing loud. I look behind us and see her laughing with Vision. The fucking red walking toaster.

"Are you sure the reason why she's keeping you both a secret is because she is not yet ready or…?" She asked trailing her last word knowing that I'll know it instantly.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." I reassured her but deep down, it was for me.

Days turns into weeks which also turn into months. Months and nothing changed, not even a single thing. Every time I try opening the subject to Wanda, she always find a way to divert it into different subject but today, I wouldn't let it happen. Not anymore.

"Wanda, we need to talk." I sternly said as I enter her room.

"Hi to you too, baby." she replied still sitting on her bed.

"We can't go on like this." I directly said starting the topic.

"Y/N, can we–"

"No, we can't. We're going to talk about this right now. God, we've been together for almost three years, Wanda. Three long fucking years and not even single effort you made to change our status."

"Y/N, you know damn well I'm not yet ready to make us public." She said nearly shouting.

"Three years is not enough for you? I didn't say that you make us public, all I want is for the team to know. Just them. I'm tired being your little secret, I'm tired of you being mine just around this goddamn four walls. I respect what you want and need, Wanda. For three years, I prioritized what you want, this, but you have to understand that I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I kept pushing my needs aside because I love you, but I can't do it anymore. I want to love you, freely. I kept choosing you, I kept giving you all my best me's until there's nothing left for me. I can't choose you anymore." I ramble, on the verge of crying but I kept all my emotions under control.

"Y/N, I… I'm sorry." Wanda softly said standing infront of me.

"Are you apologizing because you're now realizing all of this or are you apologizing because you still can't give the only thing I want?" I asked quietly.

"I'm sorry because I hurt you and I keep on hurting you."

"THEN TAKE IT AWAY! MAKE THIS GO AWAY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THIS! DO SOMETHING!" I shouted as my tears finally left my eyes.

"Y/N…"

"Wanda, I don't know anymore. Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? I'm getting tired. I tried, I keep telling myself to wait until you're ready but every time, this voices inside my head kept telling and asking me, are you even going to get there?" I cried out.

"Are you… Are you tired now, Y/N?" she shakily asked.

I nod and wiped my tears, "I'm so tired, Wanda. I feel so lost, this between us made me doubt myself so much. Am I not worth the risk for you? I'm tired of wondering how can you just pretend everyday like we're nothing." I sobbed and sat on the bed as I rest my face on my hands, "I'm tired of saying that I'm okay, that it doesn't hurt. I'm tired of pretending everyday. I'm tired of waiting for you to fulfill your promises. I'm tired of defending you against Nat especially myself. I believed in you, Wanda. I kept waiting but it seems like in this relationship, it's not us against the world. It's me against you." I said between cries looking at her to see her crying as well.

"Y/N, I know whatever I say right now wouldn't change anything. It won't take the pain that I've caused you but trust me, I love you. I really do. I can understand how hurtful it must have been for you. I know that I failed to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. I am truly sorry for any pain or suffering that I have caused you. It was never my intention to hurt you, and I can only imagine the amount of pain that I have caused you. I want you to know that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things right between us. I am willing to work on myself and our relationship to ensure that this does not happen again. I know that sorry is not enough to fix the mess I have made. I promise to do everything I can to show you how much I love and value you as my girlfriend." Wanda sobbingly said as she held my hand.

"There, you're making promises once again. How many time did you promise me that you'll make it up to me? at first you'll make such effort but eventually, you'll stop and forget about it. I don't even know if I can trust anything that's coming out of your mouth right now." I said and walked away from her, "It hurts me to think that we can't share this part of our lives together with those who are important to us. Am I not important to you? Do you not trust me? Or is it just too scary to go against the norm? I can't keep pretending not to be in love with you when we're around others. I want to hold your hand, introduce you to my friends and family, and just be able to love you openly without any fear or shame." I added. "I don't understand." Wanda said. I chuckled, "I know you don't."

"Do you want to end this? Us?" She asked with fears in her eyes.

I stayed quiet for few seconds thinking what I really want before looking back at her meeting her eyes, "Yes." I husked out causing more tears to fall out of her eyes.

"I'm just so tired, Wanda. I'm tired of the stress and the pressure that surrounds us every day. I'm tired of asking 'how long?' I'm tired of feeling like there's never enough time to do everything we want to do. I'm tired of constantly feeling like we're not doing enough, or that we're falling short somehow. Most of all, I'm tired of feeling disconnected from you. It feels like you've been so busy, so caught up in your own life, that you don't take the time to connect with me. I miss those intimate moments where we could just talk about anything and everything, and I feel like we don't have those as often as we should. It has to be done and I don't want to place blame on anyone— not myself, not you, not anyone else." I walked towards her and wiped her tears before pressing our foreheads together, "I'm sorry, I never thought that this day will come. I'm sorry I got tired and couldn't wait anymore. I love you but I can't be with you anymore. My heart won't start anymore." I finished before lingering a long kiss on her head.

"I love you, Y/N. I'm sorry for not showing it enough. I'm sorry I failed us." She sniffles before looking at me and caressed my cheeks, "I love you… in every universe."

I finally understood that true love isn't always about being together; Sometimes, it's about letting go. Because love alone, wasn't enough.

Both ends of rope were held, but they were held by me, and only me.

I love her too much and that's my biggest mistake I'll never regret, and if I'd ever meet her again in another lifetime, I'll beg the god to let me have you this time.

here's an update for everyone, i'm so sorry for not updating for so long. i hope y'all like this, let me know what you think. enjoy!