#((but I am much better now as therapy works wonders))

[sirfrogsworth]

Meeting my longtime artist and good friend, Chris, IN REAL LIFE!

So, I hadn't been to a restaurant in over a decade. I can't even remember which restaurant since it was so long ago. But in the past few weeks I've now been to TWO restaurants.

I am becoming a social butterfly. 

And it is exhausting.

But also good.

First I reconnected with my high school best friend, John.

And that went great.

But then the opportunity to see my friend Chris (a.k.a @whosthewhatnow ) came up only a few days later. And this close proximity of social events scared me a bit, but I have been feeling much better since they figured out my heart thing, so I decided to try and do both things even though they were only a few days apart. 

The key to this was strategic resting. As soon as I got home from seeing John, I got in bed and I didn't get out of it until it was time to see Chris. And that was just enough recovery time to pull this off. Typically a short outing requires 2-3 days of rest after. 

I had never met Chris in real life. He has done nearly all of the artwork for my website and comics over the past decade. And he was a main character in my CRAPPRnauts series.

We know each other so well and it is crazy that we've never seen each other with our very own eyeballs.

He is such an amazing artist. He works fast and he adds so many cool extra details that you can stare at his comic panels multiple times and catch a new joke or easter egg each time. He is a dream to work with and my Corg Life series was only successful because he did such a wonderful job bringing Otis to life in comic form. 

So we decided to meet up at a restaurant with his friend Michael and then I was going to take a nice portrait of him after dinner. Chris had never had a professional photo taken of himself and I decided to fix that.

I told him I had a mobile photography setup. Which, in reality, is a trunk full of lights and stands and other various camera gear that I definitely won't need, but bring anyway. It's "mobile" in that it all fits in my car if you are good at Tetris (which I am).

The restaurant was downtown and I had visions of St. Louis's famous Gateway Arch in the background of Chris's portrait. I thought that would be such a cool shot. I could see it in my head and I even dreamed about it.

So I got in my car and headed downtown and my GPS told me to exit at 249B. But I kept looking and I couldn't see the sign for 249B.

This is how much road I had left when I finally was able to see the exit for 249B.

So I ended up taking 249A and going straight to East St. Louis.

Which, if you believe the headlines, is not a place you ever want to be.

Google Maps and I have been having issues lately. They also tried to get me to take the spooky way home that night, but thankfully I actually knew the non-spooky way back from when I used to go to Cardinal games with my parents as a kid.

My short term memory was trashed by shock therapy. And so was a lot of my long term memory. But it finally came through in a pinch and remembered something useful.

I only had to loop around and cross a bridge so I didn't really do anything but touch the edge of East St. Louis. I was mostly concerned about being late for dinner more than its scary reputation. Usually those news stories about a place being "dangerous" are actually just racist and hurtful to people stuck in poverty. I mean, technically my house is in a "dangerous" neighborhood, and we do have trouble with petty crime in some spots, but aside from a few dinged-up mailboxes, I've never felt unsafe in my home.

On the way back to regular St. Louis I could see the Arch on the horizon at sunset and it was kind of magical. And I wasn't able to get a good shot of it, but it sure looked pretty from my point of view. 

My photos kind of remind me of the beginning of movies like Training Day where they are trying to show you gritty, dutch angle shots of the city out of the car window to give you a sense of the location.

As I approached the restaurant I invented a new genre I call "stoplight photography." The sky was orange and the streets of St. Louis were just asking to be photographed. But I wasn't willing to die to get neat photos, so I just took them at every red light.

The big trick was trying to edit the dark area at the top of my windshield out of the photos to make it look like I didn't take these pictures from my car.

After a 15 minute detour through Illinois I arrived at my destination—a Mexican place called Rosalita's. It had a beautiful sign, so I took that literal sign as a metaphorical sign it was a nice place to get a quesadilla. 

Dinner was great. Both signs were right and their quesadilla was very tasty. Chris and I both got one, so we are quesadilla twins. The waitress was one of those "I can remember your order without writing anything down" types. And I am one of those, "I get anxiety when things aren't written down" types. And, to her credit, she did not forget our orders. But she did forget to give us silverware and napkins. So I still feel like my anxiety was valid. 

We told sad stories of the pups we lost. But we also had a lot of fun and laughed and I got to meet Michael who turned out to be an absolute mensch. I sometimes have trouble meeting new people with my social anxiety, but he was very affable and made me feel comfortable with his presence almost right away. He was a fan of Otis and mentioned he still has a Super Otis shirt. I always get choked up hearing that Otis is still loved. Hopefully we get to meet again. 

Dinner ended and it was picture time.

I asked Chris if he wanted the high effort photo or the low effort photo. Either we figure out how to get to the Arch or we find a spot near the restaurant and just take his portrait there. Chris and Michael had a driver because they were coming from a big conference and getting to the Arch would have been complicated. So we decided to go with the low effort option. 

I found a cool shop nearby that had an LED wall that changed to all sorts of different colors. And I thought that would make a neat background and give a colorful edge light on Chris's face. I pulled my car near that spot and started unloading my trunk full of photo gear.

I think Chris and Michael were a little overwhelmed when I started pulling camera gear out of my trunk like a clown pulling an endless handkerchief out of his mouth. But as far as photo setups go, it was actually pretty minimal. 

Light, giant battery, light stand, umbrella, tripod, camera, rolling walker with seat.

My dad's old rollator came in clutch because I wanted to shoot from a low angle and it is hard for me to bend down. In fact, I think I'm going to look into getting an all terrain version so I can do more outdoor photoshoots.

I started shooting in the middle of a downtown sidewalk. And I was super anxious. I could not focus (my brain, not my camera). I was very distracted with all of the people walking by and staring. I was not sure if any of the photos were turning out. I wasn't even sure if they were in focus (my camera, not my brain) because I had not yet had my lens calibrated. But down the street there was a guy with an old school boombox playing random music. His music helped to drown out the ambient noise and gave me some comfort.

I had no clue if the photos were any good, but when I got home and checked them on my computer, I realized I have 12 years of experience and muscle memory built up. I probably should have just trusted myself because the photos all turned out great.

I think Chris can now officially say he has had a professional portrait taken of himself.

This photo has been officially loved by Chris's girlfriend and mother.

There is no greater seal of approval and I am honored.

I was able to comp in any of the colors the wall displayed from other shots in case Chris is feeling a little more green in the future.

A literal rainbow of options.

I also liked this one, though it is a little more "environmental portrait" than regular portrait.

And I got some nice photos of our little group to help us remember the night. 

And I got a bunch of photos of Chris making silly faces like Calvin at his school photoshoot. 

I love this woman's reaction to our little impromptu sidewalk photo shenanigans.

After we said our goodbyes and I gave my friend a hug, I was a little bummed I didn't get to photograph him at the Arch like I had dreamed.

But then I realized I had my own car and it was capable of taking me places. (I actually haven't gotten used to that after not driving for nearly 15 years.)

So I decided to drive a few blocks over to Kiener Plaza—a park with a view of the Arch. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

[equalseleventhirds]

"I don't understand how I'm losing," Reigen said, his hands flying over his keyboard. It was so late now—too late, maybe—if only he'd used the same technique as with the Player Killer from the beginning, he might have stood a chance, but he hadn't seriously thought he'd lose—

"Shishou," Mob said, "why is this so important? You already have second place from Twitter."

Reigen laughed, not at all nervously, and splayed a hand across his forehead. "You don't understand, Mob. The publicity from something like this, even a rematch, would do wonders for Spirits and Such. This is about business."

(He would never admit to his pride being on the line.)

"And anyway, who is this guy? A radio host? I've been on TV, you know."

Mob carefully did not bring up what had actually happened when Reigen made his television debut.

Ritsu had no such qualms. "When they exposed you as a fraud? That was publicity too, right?"

"Hey—!"

Serizawa leaned over Reigen's shoulder to see the computer screen, careful not to spill the tea he placed on the desk. "Oh, Cecil from Welcome to Night Vale? It's been a while since I listened to that, maybe I should catch up."

Reigen stared at him. "You? What? Serizawa?"

"Ah... yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Back when I was... well, when I didn't leave my room much, the podcast was popular. I guess it gave a sense of... community? Feeling less alone, even when you are." He shrugged. "Plus, hearing another gay man in a show like that was comforting."

"He's gay? Canonically?" Why can't I be gay canonically?

"Sure, he got married in episode 100. It was very emotional."

"I nearly died in our chapter 100—"

-- -- -- -- --

Well, listeners, there's still a few hours left on the poll, but I'm now leading at 56%! I must say, I did not expect this, especially after Twitter users so clearly forgot—or perhaps never knew—about my Tumblr Sexyman Origins.

But, that's neither here nor there. I certainly am grateful, if a bit bemused, about all of this, but let us not forget that this is all a friendly competition. Unlike the annual War On Christmas—and let us all take a moment to remember our fallen allies against that terrible holiday foe—this is a battle of kindness. Love, even. The love we feel for Tumblr, for our favorite sexy men, for pressing a button on a meaningless internet poll. The love we feel, listeners, for each other.

And in the spirit of that love and friendliness, I figured I'd get to know my opponent a little better! A bit of googling, which of course you know means searching via every search engine but Google, what with the Town Council imposing the Google Search Tax and getting all Night Vale IP addresses shadowbanned, has led me to... oh my, listeners. I do not know who made this, but Reigen Arataka has the single most beautiful professional web page I have ever encountered. It's... words do not do it justice. I am tearing up. This... I could not make anything better myself.

A-hem. Listeners, now that I've wiped away the tears such beauty inspired in me, I can now see that Reigen's website advertises his business, one Spirits and Such Consulting. Well! We may be rivals in this moment, but I am overjoyed to learn that Reigen runs such an innovative and important business! I am nearly ashamed that, while my opponent works to make the world a better place, I, a mere community radio host, am winning the sexyman contest.

Nevertheless, we must respect the polls. Not respecting polls could get us in hot water with the Town Council, or with the demigods of numbers who lurk in the sharp edges of percentages. So since I can't hand my victory over to him, I think I'll do what I can as a community radio host, and promote Reigen Arataka's important business!

So if you're a spirit in need of counseling, a ghost in need of therapy, or an eldritch beast in need of a shoulder to cry on, head on over to Seasoning City and pay our good friend Reigen a visit! I'm sure he'll be pleased as anything to see you.

[regainingparadise]

Relistening to TMA Season 5, I am again struck by how goddam badly Martin and Jon need couples counseling.

I love them both. I ship them very much. But oh lord they have issues

Like, these are two individuals who, under the very best of circumstances, would really need therapy both individually and together. They are both people with plentiful quantities of relational trauma from childhood that neither of them have worked through even the slightest bit.

And then you throw them into the apocalypse. And you add a metric fuck ton of guilt, helplessness, and the dynamics of being "The Antichrist and +1"?

On a surface level--Jon is in a perpetual state of information overload. Martin is in a perpetual state of "can you please just explain the basics of what's' going on in a given situation and not just say "it's complicated" or launch into a gruesome monologue"

But on a deeper level, their childhood relational traumas have left them each with opposing avoidant tendencies: Jon is unwilling to broach a difficult conversation, which leads him to hide information until he's confronted. Martin, on the other hand, has a finely honed ability to ignore information that he doesn't like until he no longer can hide from it.

Biggest example of their avoidance tendencies: Martin's Domain

Way early on, when we barely understand any of how the hellscape works, Jon mentions it, Martin shuts it down hard and deflects quickly with a bid for affection from Jon

Martin is in deliberate denial, but Jon admittedly wasn't particularly clear to start with.

"We all have a domain."

Jon means it, presumably, as "Me, You, and other 'Avatars.'" Jon is used to being grouped with those empowered by the Entities. Martin isn't. (see also: MAG185: Martin" Is that how these creatures see us now? As one of them?") But that's not what Jon says. And this is MAG167--they've only been through four domains, at least that we've seen. Jon is speaking from a place of knowledge, and assuming his listener has that same knowledge.

And when this issue comes up much later in MAG183, Martin has spent 17 episodes ignoring or forgetting that he has a domain, not letting that information in so that he has never processed it. (See also: Mag170: "Sometimes I wonder if I forget things on purpose. Easier not to think about them, I guess. Easier to just let them… slip away. They can’t hurt you if you don’t think about them.").

Martin confronts Jon on his avoidance (because while Martin may be good at ignoring things he doesn't like, he's far better at bringing up challenging topics), Jon is able to manage some A+ communication on his feelings and the genuine challenging of figuring out how to share upsetting information when he has All The Information, Martin accepts that. I just desperately want a therapist to be there and make them continue this conversation and practice ongoing good communication skills!

Though they resolve this, even though Jon has an explanation that makes sense...he was really leaving this conversation to the last minute. Would he have "[brought] it up at the crossroads" as he claims to Helen? Or would he have avoided it entirely, as she accuses, or waited till they were at the threshold, as he does with The Desolation and the Hunt, leaving Martin to confront terrifying situations without forewarning or planning or explanation.

Again, Jon kind of tried to bring up some of the potential issues with Basira and Daisy before entering the Hunt domain, but kept it Vague and Ominous ("Things aren't...good"). Martin took that vagueness as an opening to avoid engaging with potential bad news. The teensiest bit of therapy for either of them about their communication issues could have let Jon add "I know you're exited but FYI here are some specifics that you should know" and/or Martin go "I'm excited to see them but given that nothing is good right now, can you be more specific?"

Instead, Jon approaches difficult conversations by being Vague and Ominous, Martin gets snarky or passive-aggressive at the vagueness, upset or aggressively avoidant at the Ominousness, Jon closes back up like a turtle into his shell, and the conversation only comes back up when the situation has drastically escalated, leaving them both more upset.

Jon wants Martin to trust him, because explaining what he knows implicitly is an ordeal for him, and because his upbringing by his grandmother has suggested that communicating is generally unwanted and burdensome (See: MAG081 A Guest for Mr. Spider).

Martin wants to know what is going on, because he's in an awful hellscape of shifting rules about what can and cannot hurt them, completely dependent on a brand-new romantic partner for his survival and purpose, and also because his upbringing and coping mechanisms as a caretaker rely on him knowing enough to help, and his time as an archival assistant has given him some not-inconsiderable trauma about being left in the dark (See: MAG118 The Masquerade) (There's also another post in my head about how MAG118 primed Martin for both the Lonely and his development as a more confrontational character in S5)

All that to say.

Martin needs therapy to deal with the way he chooses not to absorb information he doesn't like. Jon needs therapy to understand that sometimes it's ok to bring up important topics even if the other person will be upset. They both need therapy to cope with all the guilt and helplessness around the apocalypse so they stop taking it out on each other. They need therapy together to learn how to work through their conflicting coping mechanisms.

[thelikesofus]

Buddie Fic Recs

AKA Talented Mutuals Tuesday

Except I spent so long making this list that the timezones changed over BUT I wanted to show my mutuals some love and now that we are going into the hiatus I thought you might all like a list of quality fics to keep you occupied while there is no new Weewoo show. 

I don't know if anyone will actually want to join in on this but if you do the rules are simple:

SHOW YOUR MUTUALS SOME LOVE! Share your favourite fics, (or gifs, edits, literally anything that your very talented mutuals have made), as many or as few as you like but let's share the love around <3

Apologises in advance for the long post btw

@speaknowdiaz I would literally read anything that April writes and would probably sell a limb for the incredible WIPs I know she's still cooking up but here are a couple of my faves:

pining and anticipation (I don't want you like a best friend)

Buck challenges Eddie to try to hit on him after teasing Eddie for not having any ‘game’. This fic is very funny and very soft.

believe in one thing (i won't go away)

This fic hit me straight in the feels. Buck and Eddie go to couples therapy even though they aren't a couple and they work through some stuff.

◊

@thosetwofirefighters Incredible amazing Nat ily xx

Say It All Out Loud

Eddie comes out to Aunt Pepa after his ‘date’ with Vanessa. I am a little bit biased towards this one because she did write it for me but it's honestly just so good!

How to Cure Boredom: Buckley Edition

The 118 are stuck at the firehouse during a slow shift and Buck entertains them all by mattress-surfing the loft stairs. It’s soft and silly and in the same universe as her other fic Safe in His Arms.

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@loveyourownsmiilee The wonderful amazing Juju not only writes incredible meta and keeps us all fed with Oliver content but Juju also writes wonderful buddie fic. 

When Were You Under Me?

Who doesn’t love a Friends AU. This is Buck and Eddie as Ross and Rachel and it is hilarious and so sweet. 

You should also check out her Buddie Language Meta if you have not read it before <3

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@elvensorceress Jenwyn’s work always astounds me so be sure to check these out:

Color Him Father, Color Him Love

I will scream from the rafters how much I adore this fic and yes it did make me cry (happy tears). It’s a look into Buck’s head after his sperm donor kid is born and he realizes what Christopher (and Eddie) truly mean to him. I know I have recced this before but it deserves all the love. 

Unless You Ask Me To

Eddie dates a man for the first time, and Buck is completely 'Fine'. This is a preemptive rec because it is one chapter away from completion and I have been saving it to binge in one sitting but knowing Jenwyn and her incredible talent I guarantee this will be worth the read. 

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@spotsandsocks If anyone’s work is guaranteed to make me sob like a baby (happy, sad, or tears of laughter) it’s Spotty. 

Everything But (temptation)

This is Spotty’s newest fic and it's just brilliant. Buck is practicing extreme self-control whilst Eddie is being an irresistible menace. 

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have

Buck finally tells Eddie he loves him right before Eddie’s new boyfriend is supposed to meet Christopher. Honestly, all I can say about this fic is that it’s a masterpiece and I screamed many times while reading it. 

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@shortsighted-owl Wonderful amazing Owly (Abbi). I appreciate you so and you make my dash so happy xx

Of foam-moustached kisses, and button combinations

For all your sweet domestic buddie needs this is the fic. Eddie is practicing a video game to get better than Chris and Buck makes fun of his ex-technophobe boyfriend. 

Also THIS EDIT SET to the lyrics of You’re All That I Have by Snow Patrol make me assdffgghjjklkll

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@lilbuddie Okay, this one is just a brag because Minja doesn’t actually have any fics published yet (side eye) but I wanna make sure she is on everyone’s radar for when she does because yall are not ready for the incredible amazing talent that is this girl’s writing!! So go check out the snippets on her Tumblr and badger her until she finishes something plssssss

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@wheelsupin-five Hi! <3

Almost Almost Almost

This adorable of Buck who is always cold and Eddie warms him up I– asfffghhjkklllll

Under Kitchen Light

SO SOFT! Buck wakes up and Eddie isn't there, Buck finds him in the kitchen. 

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@rogerzsteven Simi owns my heart and by that I mean my heart is locked in a cage in Simi’s basement where it is occasionally beaten to a pulp by the most incredibly angsty fics you've ever read.

Cleanse

Buck is extremely nauseous and Eddie takes care of him while I sob over them in a corner.

build me a home underground (free from light and sound)

This fic is so brutal in all the best ways, my heart was in my throat the entire read! Buck gets trapped in a sensory deprivation room while the 118 and Athena race to find him. 

◊

@ashavahishta another incredibly talented mutual of mine

out of ashes

Is it really a Meegs rec list if I don’t rec this fic honestly it's engraved on my soul. This is a criminal minds/greys inspired fic where Buck is kidnapped and tortured until the 118 can find him. This fic is so so well written and means a million things to me I could never explain but pleaseeeee read it!! 

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@jobairdxx hello lovely xx

Oh, We Pray to Make it Through the Night

Highly recommend this fic, I do love a near-death experience fic! Buck gets injured on a call and Eddie falls asleep holding vigil at his bedside. 

Jules also writes beautiful poetry on Tumblr so go read some of that too <3

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@monsterrae1 MISS RAE! YOU INCREDIBLE THING! <3

love is on its way

I know we’re all a little bit in mourning over the couch theory but it lives on in our hearts and in this fic which has six moments between Buck and Eddie on the Diaz couch (and she’s a wee bit spicy too).

Buck's café (take my heart, just not my order)

Coffee Shop AU. Buck runs the shop where the 118 order all their drinks on shift. I absolutely adore this fic! 

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@alyxmastershipper RYAN!! INCREDIBLY TALENTED MUTUAL THAT YOU ARE!! 

there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head

If “aasdsdfghhjkl” was a person it was me reading this fic. Eddie comes out to Buck, receives a quirky mug, and gets together with the love of his life. In that order.

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@bekkachaos Wonderful, amazing Bekka xxx

lose yourself in the feeling

I am a sucker for ‘accidental kisses’ and this was just wonderful. Buck is so excited about Maddie and Chim getting engaged that he kisses Eddie when he tells him. 

start me up, open my eyes

Okay, the mild sexual content tag is a lie, nothing has ever been closer to smut without actually being smut than this fic, I have never been so wound up reading a fic. Bekka builds the tension so so well. 

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@sibylsleaves honestly I'm still a little in shock that we're mutuals now so please excuse me while I fangirl over your incredible writing!

with a bird at your door

Eddie starts spending all his time with Buck. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that Buck is in love with him. This fic is the perfect mixture of pining, angst, and a happy ending. And yes I think about this fic frequently I love it okay. 

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@mysteriouslyyounggalaxy last but certainly not least (for now). hello lovely xx

(tell the gravedigger) better dig two

Missing scenes from while eddie is trapped in the well followed by the most perfect extended reunion scene. We all know I am a sucker for fics based on the well incident, it’s literally how i started writing for buddie but omg this fic!!!! 

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Remember to share the love around and happy hiatus to you all.

Love, Meegs xxxx

[suguru-getos]

fractures // geto suguru x f!reader // chapter 6

|| masterlist ||

-> summary & a/n: this is a comparatively smoller chapter but also the second last chapter, chapter seven would officially end this series. after getting freed from the clutches of cult leader geto, the reader has a hard time. life is not lifing. depression mentions, angst, ANGSTT and comfort. mentions of acute depression & anxiety.

the reader tries to cope through life, taking therapy, but her mental health goes down the drain. suguru rescues her at an impossible moment.

"y/n, come on out!" a friendly, familiar voice echoed from your bedroom's entrance. you don't recognize the concept of time right now. whether it flows in waves, or just has been at a still. frankly, you don't want to waste time on things like that. everything is a reminder, a reminder to eat, a reminder to breathe… a reminder to live. "you can't make progress if you don't want to make progress." the scene shifts, you don’t even remember how you got from your home to your now therapist. your lips part, "I am making progress I think.." you are not sure, what he is even talking about. eyes lingering around the camisole top you're wearing, around the faded monkey in your arm. "look, y/n, it's been four weeks you're here. and you seem to be unaccepting of everything. your reaction to everything is pure numbness. sometimes you have to fight.." your therapist says again, watching your shoulders slump. of course, it is necessary to fight. it is necessary to be strong. you have done all that in front of suguru geto. you have done that to escape him. or rather— make him sick of you enough that he didn’t want you anymore.

you don't have it in you anymore.

"this dinner is your favorite." your mom croons, again a scene shift. your mind has stopped working right it seems. there are tremors every day, you wonder if you have died already and are living your last moments in your head. you nodded, acknowledging everything she says and taking a bite. "it's been one and a half month, y/n. do you not want to step out anymore?" you clutch your fork in your hand, fisting it hard. stepping out… yeah, none of that's happening anytime soon. "you know, I thought you'd be elated and happy when geto released you on his own. we had all the money and he didn't take any." she hums, you're unsure why you get to hear his name. you want to forget him like a faint memory. yet, his siren eyes digging into your soul when he gazes at you, his close-eyed smile and the hatred with which he looked at you. like he would carve the very flesh of you any chance he got. like he would flay you, like he would kill you… when will this stop!

meanwhile, the geto estate has taken it's usual pace. there are pilgrims and devotees coming in, wanting to seek their 'geto sama'. wanting his aid, wanting the monk to help them, wanting to be of help. geto has meetings, and his day ends with quiet dinner with his family. you have quickly become an insignificant past of theirs. why wouldn't you? you were already insignificant to them anyways. manami beat you up broken, geto carved you like a butcher, demons in hell don't think about the souls they torture. except….. for suguru. except for the dramatically disgusting bit of himself that dreams of things he couldn't do for you. as much as he pretends he hates monkeys and therefore, hates you… his inner psyche and inner subconscious mind does not help. he can't escape his own dreams now. especially when they consist of him consoling you over his lap while you cry, apologizing and kissing your forehead, crying with you at your pain so you could feel better, spoon feeding you while you were at the geto estate. in all his dreams, you haven't smiled once. his brain is desperate to create at least… an illusion of you smiling. he wonders how you smile ever so often, are you an eye-smiler? do you get dimples? do your gums show when you grin? do you smile wide enough? it really is frustrating when he's punished by you not smiling and being happy… even in his dreams.

he wakes up, not jolting up like a nightmare but a cruel, calm wake from his rem sleep. eyes lingering with the tiredness he carries. dark circles unable to mask his authentic self which comes out when suguru's heart hurts. his heart fucking hurts… maybe he should go and check on you. he might see you smiling. he might see you happy! yeah, that's it!

so suguru goes, summoning his dragon and goes to your place, standing by your window. ever so careful, slightly gleeful to see how peacefully you must be sleeping now. and there you stood, leaned against the edge of the wall, curled up with your knees close to your chest, staring into nothing like a non-living doll. forgetting to blink, forgetting to breathe. his heart shatters. this is… exactly how you look like in his dreams, too. tears burn his eyes as he gnaws at his lip. your eye-bags have their own story to tell, dark circles and pale lips. you've lost weight, you've lost glow. you look even more breakable than you did before. weakling…

suguru doesn't understand either, when he feels the morning glow radiate your room. he had been staring at you like an awestruck fan of a masterpiece for the entire night. "y/n! good morning!" he hears your friend speak, oh- you do have supportive people around you, who come and meet you. you flinched, looking around lost, you didn't realize the entire night had passed either. your body has had enough, you can feel it when you try to get up from bed. your entire being is unstable and you feel like you can't do this anymore. you can't do the tedious task of living in a world where you can't hope to smile again. you want to rest. you want your heart to stop beating, you want your eyes to stop seeing, you want your ears to stop hearing, you want your skin to stop crawling with disgust when touched. you want to rest. you want to rest. you want to rest. you want to rest. you want to rest. you want to- you-

a thud echoes in the room followed by a sinking feeling of gnarly anxiety in suguru's stomach. you had just passed out. and his senses had stopped working that very moment. pupils dilated with panic, didn't even think about the glass your window had or that breaking it would hurt him, didn't even think about how your family would feel when they hear the noise and watch him, when they watch him holding you like you would break, or holding you like you shouldn't break… anymore.

just holding your limp form against his chest, how tiny. like a little bunny, like a little dove just caged in his arms. not so scared when you have no consciousness left in you. he loves this expression of content you have. he hates himself for making you go through this. he hates himself for feeling so lost and so taut between two separate ideologies. he hates himself for going harder on you every time you made him feel something, he hates himself for resisting. he couldn't, not possibly so.

"she needs a doctor." his voice echoes with adamant authority when he sees your parents.

you do, need a doctor. hopefully someone who could heal your soul, too.

[lotusmi]

hii! I wanted to share a sucess story !! I thought abt sharing this for a while now because it changed my whole life.

TW! suicidal thoughts

I’m lia, 16 and diagnosed with last stage brain cancer. I got diagnosed in september 2022. The doctors told me theres nothing they can do cause my brain already started to shut down (problems with speaking, not being able to move some parts of my body). Therapy’s didnt work and they werent able to do a surgery because the chance I’d pass was too high. They basically just kept me alive in the hospital. I cried a lot the last months and thought that it would be better if i go by myself if you know what I mean.

In january I discovered the LOA and I was like what no way but i tried it out and simply said IT WORKED.

I woke up a few weeks ago and were able to move my body like its supposed to be and i were able to speak properly. I screamed and my mum woke up cause of the way i screamed😭(she had a bed next to me in hospital cause she didnt want to leave me)

When the doctor came in he asked whats wrong and i explained everything, He checked me and he was shocked cause the tumor got smaler and stopped affecting parts of my brain. He literally didnt spoke for minutes cause it was 100% safe i’d die in the next weeks. The last few days i had daily check ups and the tumor is gone. FULLY GONE.

I’m so happy i cant even describe how i feel. Its still too much for me to comprehend. I’m able to go out with friends without worrying abt anything & more.

If you read till here, thank you. Dont give up. LOA IS REAL!!

Suuuuuccessss storyyyyy 😭omg angel I am about to cryy!! 💕💗😭

Hi Lia! I don't even know where to start. I am with no words. I can't even express how much I am happy and pround of you. How every word you said made me feel exactly how you felt, I am so much happy for you. This is so beautiful, you are of course an amazing person, and I am sure you deserve all the best in this world and in all other realities. Again, I am so pround of you. I am so pround that you made it, I am so pround of how you was strong. I am so happy you shared this wonderful story with me. I hope you keep sending me asks of all the success I know your life will made of! I am sure you will live all your biggest dreams!

Congrats, my angel! 💕🎀💐🌷 🌼 🌻 🌼 🌻

ps: your name is so pretty! 💌

[earlgreytea68]

hey egt, i've recently started to apply for jobs to escape a negative work environment and i remembered you were in a really toxic workplace for a few years, just wondering if you have any tips on coping with it, having enough energy to job search at the same time as performing well in an exhausting job, not falling into hopeless despair and give up when you get a rejection, etc. etc.? thank you!

Okay, first of all, I am so, so sorry you're in this position, ugh :-( I know that it's the worst and it's so easy to feel so much despair and that things will never get better, etc., etc. Sometimes I don't think that I coped well with my situation, but other times I think, I made it through so I guess I did pretty well and there is no, like, "good" way of dealing with that situation.

I think also it's important to realize that there are two different sources of stress that are going to collide here with you. The first is the negative work environment, which is obviously a huge source of stress for you. I ended up going to therapy for a little while to help me develop coping mechanisms for that, and if that's an option for you under health insurance and life circumstances, that could help. I got some tips that I still use to this day about how to separate my work from my life. I think the therapist told me that this was my problem, that my work situation was so awful that it was becoming my life situation, and I had to try to maintain separation.

I did this thing where I kept a stress diary for a week and I made a note whenever I felt a surge of stress. We realized that I had a lot of stress around receiving work emails; at the time, it was before the age of smartphones but I had a Blackberry that would buzz whenever I got an email, and my computer would also make a little chime, and it was stressing me out. We speculated what would happen if I took an hour to respond to an email instead of doing it immediately. I'm not a brain surgeon. Nobody was going to die. On an ordinary day, nothing was that urgent. If I were in a meeting for an hour, I would not have thought twice about not responding to the email. So we did this thing where I shut off all the notification sounds and instead I created set times, once an hour or so, to check my email. This helped TREMENDOUSLY. To this day I do not receive work email to my phone and only check it at appointed times, even during a work day when I am working. It helps keep me more productive and helps keep work from taking over my life.

Another thing I started doing was I started scheduling free time the same way I scheduled things for work. Like, I would literally just block off time and be like, "I am not available," as if I had a super-important meeting, but it would just be TV time. This sounds extreme, probably, but I had a job that was working me around the clock. Some days I would leave work after 1 am and be back in before 7. They would work me constantly if I let them. So I had to block off, like, between 8 and 9 pm I could not do a meeting. It took me a little while to realize that you have to take care of yourself, your job is never going to help you do that, so you just have to do that for yourself.

Now the problem with my job was, as is clear, the fact that it was demanding everything of me and then some and I couldn't get away from it (oh, and also, I didn't even like or enjoy what the work entailed in any way). That might not be why your work environment is negative, and so you might need different coping mechanisms to handle it. That's why I said that therapy could help identify exactly what you need to do.

So, the negative work environment is one thing, but then another related but separate source of stress is applying to get a new job. I have never been a person who gets new jobs easily. I don't know why that is. I promise I'm a good worker! Maybe it's hard for everyone to get new jobs and they just all pretend it's easy-peasy, Idk. So I'm here to tell you: Don't be ashamed of all the rejection. I got rejected so, so, so, so, so much omg. I was rejected 87 times before I got a job (I know this because I write a new and unique cover letter for every job application, and I have 88 saved on my computer). So. I put this information out here to let you know that you're not alone and it doesn't say anything about you AT ALL that people don't want to hire you. It's so, so hard not to take that personally but it is never about you. I have been on hiring committees plenty of times in my life and we have never rejected an applicant because we didn't like them. The problem was that somebody else had experience we wanted more, always. So it's not actually about you, basically ever. Please try not to take it personally. It's just that the more jobs you apply for, the more you'll be rejected from. And I'm not saying it ever gets easier, and that I didn't spend lots of time crying and deciding I just couldn't apply to any more jobs because I couldn't handle any more rejection. Because I did. But then I always applied for more. Because.

Because. This is important, I think. This is honestly what kept me going. The only thing that would make my life better was a new job. Like, yes, winning the lottery would have been nice (and I did play the lottery a lot lol). Marrying David Tennant would have been cool (these were David Tennant days in my life). But really I knew I had to find a new job, and I knew no one was going to just magically call me up and offer me a new job (I know this happens to some people, but this is basically the same odds as winning the lottery in my view). I knew I had to keep looking for a job. That was the only thing I could do that made me feel like I had any agency in my own life, you know? Otherwise I felt helpless, except that I knew I was doing everything I could to get out of the situation.

Now applying to jobs is overwhelming, at least in my opinion. When I first started looking, and I had multiple jobs to apply to, I really only applied to one a day, because I found it too overwhelming otherwise. I just find breaking this insurmountable task into a small manageable daily chunk worked for me. Eventually I ran out of jobs to apply to, so I set up job alerts for the kinds of jobs I was looking for, and then I had a separate list in my head of places to look for job listings outside of the alerts. I only let myself look once a week, on Sundays, because in my field nobody was getting hired so fast that once weekly wasn't fine as a timeline, and otherwise it would just eat up my life, the obsessive searching of job boards. Again, I just had to compartmentalize it. I had to make the job search its own thing.

Anyway, I wish you so, so much luck. When I was in the middle of my terrible work situation, I honestly, truly thought I would never get another job. I really did. People would be like, "Oh, don't worry, you'll get one eventually!" and I would smile and say, "Oh, yeah, definitely," but in my heart I thought that was a lie and I never would. I thought I would do that terrible job until I could finally retire. In fact, I used to wish that I could go to sleep one night and wake up and be in my sixties and just have this whole life thing be over. So trust me, I know it's obnoxious for me to be like, "Don't worry, it will get better!" I know it doesn't feel like it ever will. I know you think that's something that only happens to other people, and you'll just be stuck there forever.

I can't convince you otherwise, because I know I could never have convinced myself. But maybe, intellectually, objectively, please read that I made it to the other side and I'm so glad at how much life I've gotten to live and I'm so glad I didn't just sleep through it, it's been wonderful. I can't believe I made it, and I can't believe how long it's been now, and I can't believe how I no longer experience the little remnant shocks of traumatic habits I'd developed that it took me years to get over, I even feel like I've managed to get past those. I truly never believed I'd be this annoying person telling you that it gets better. But I am, I'm here, it's me. I hope it gets better for you so very quickly.

And this is also obnoxious of me to say, but sometimes, like when I'm doing something like this, I think back on that time, and I can remember what it felt like so vividly, and I'm honestly happy that I've never forgotten that, because I do feel like I am grateful every single day for how far I've come, I'm proud of myself every single day for what I've accomplished, for keeping at it and finally getting what I wanted. That is another obnoxious thing to say, but you'll get there. I know you will. I'm rooting for you.

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

"A Different Approach" Ending

Having seen this episode twice, I think the ending does work. I know some people aren't happy and I understand why. I really do. But, I have faith that the creators will handle this situation well.

Spoilers below

Omega and Crosshair came home. I am beyond happy to see them finally reunite with their family. Now, I know it wasn't my ideal fanfic fluff reunion where Crosshair gets hugged liked crazy and everyone cries. For Omega, that makes sense. However, I do think this ending was realistic from a narrative POV. Forgiveness, especially in a complex topic like this, doesn't always happen overnight. It needs to be earned.

Crosshair's absence hurt Hunter deeply. Hunter had to watch his own brother, whom he grew up with, shoot his family. He had to watch his brother hunt him down. He had to watch his brother try and hurt the kid Hunter loves so dearly. It doesn't help that Crosshair lured the others to Kamino using Hunter and later rejected Hunter's offer to come back. From Hunter's POV, Crosshair doesn't want to come home nor understands the Batch. Simply put, he doesn't trust Crosshair and still is in pain from past grievances.

Wrecker being upset also makes sense. The last time he saw Crosshair, his brother rejected the opportunity to rejoin. Furthermore, Cross wasn't exactly in the brightest mood. Imo, Wrecker feels betrayed and hurt, but not to the degree Hunter is. He wants Crosshair back, but past grievances remind him of the pain he felt. Also, Wrecker wants to keep Omega safe and he knows Crosshair doesn't have the best track record with making good decisions.

Then, there's Crosshair. I LOVED that we hear his new theme when he walks out. This is not the same Crosshair from season 1. He is a changed man who's gone through so much suffering to get to where he is now. There is a lot of unspoken pain and turmoil going on inside him. Hunter and Wrecker don't know what he's been through. Over 6 months of separation and there's been no contact except for the warning message. Crosshair knows that Hunter and Wrecker don't trust him. Deep down, I believe Crosshair wants to go home, but his internal conflict and abandonment have impacted him hard.

Now, this is where the family therapy section starts. Crosshair, Hunter, and Wrecker will not bounce back to their original relationship prior to Order 66. They may fight side by side, but they won't have that bond that they had before. For these brothers to slowly build back their relationship, they need to acknowledge their shortcomings but also work towards solutions. This is mainly for Crosshair and Hunter.

Cross made mistakes. He needs to accept that, even if it might be hard to admit. I do believe he also needs to acknowledge Hunter's feelings. Hunter did feel betrayed. He didn't fully understand what was going on. Crosshair, through his actions, needs to show he's changed. By being open with Hunter, hopefully both brothers can begin to understand each other better.

Hunter needs to acknowledge Crosshair's pain and feelings of abandonment. Because yes, Hunter never really did anything to try and get Cross back or wonder about the chip. He goes back for Omega, but not Cross. And it's established that Crosshair wasn't completely in control at the start. Hunter also has a lot of other issues he needs to accept, including his own identity issues.

TLDR: both sides need to put a lot of effort into repairing their relationship. Hunter was hurt, Wrecker was hurt, and Crosshair was hurt. They need to acknowledge their shortcomings and the other party. But I'm confident that the brothers can do it. Their loyalty and love for each other, particularly with Omega to mediate, hopefully will pull them through to the end.

[bunji-enthusiast]

Wonder how Redeemed! Scourge would act around Team Sonic during and after his therapy and redemption arc, would be interesting to see how he would react seeing the genuine friendship between the whole team especially if the reader is involved. He only had his team and Fiona, most probably stayed out of fear(?) idk I haven't read the whole lore but prob close to that

Note || somewhat rushed but here you go! I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE, SO MANY THINGS KEPT COMING UP AND LIFE AND UGGGGHHH—

Okay first of all, you probably had to give your friends a large heads up and a warning to be kinder and not act so weird toward Scourge. Considering his huge reputation with his previous actions, quite frankly it could be worse, seeing as how he enslaved a numerous amount of mobians and mobilized the plant in his own dimension. Then came his scars, then came this. 

His memories are scrambled, so he can't recall every single thing evidently. But when it came down to you, Sonic, Knuckles and Tails; he could feel the warmth of friends and family found alike. Working together and providing good memories together regardless of the circumstances or the situation. He didn’t entirely expect them to greet him warmly as they would.

But in all rights, they still reserved some resentment toward the green hedgehog. Scourge completely expected that, and he was fully ready and prepared to gain back their trust with time. 

Unusually, he felt a new sensation stirring in his chest each time he saw you interacting with any members of the team. Scourge evidently didn’t realize how much he had done his old friends wrong. Nonetheless, he simply watched from a comfortable distance – while maintaining his persona, less his old self, but with better restraint now this time. 

Fiona was one of his closest members, his old lover. But he sees now he was extremely piss-poor behavior when he saw you interact with one additional honorary member; Amy Rose. He did apologize to her properly for his prior behavior toward the pink hedgehog, to which she still held grievous amounts of skepticism toward Scourge, but was most willing to make amends with him. Scourge thought she was an absolute saint: at any point in time of his life, he never expected to have such a mindset. He felt a little better that he improved more on that aspect before meeting any of your friends. 

Scourge could appreciate how quickly Sonic could make amends with you, or any other of his friends for that matter. Before he was easily annoyed by Sonic, as he was often compared to the Blue Blur – but now he could understand why those comparisons were uttered before. He just needed a bit of straightforwardness and blunt honesty to set him straight on a bit of a better path.

He thought he was really annoying to converse with though, Sonic will not let him live down his infamous reputation for prior events. He didn’t like him in that entirety, but he came to learn and understand that he has a tendency to tease; Sonic surprisingly won’t cross any boundaries with Scourge, and even began to worry over him in the few past months he’s gotten to know him. The real him. 

The real Scourge.

Getting acquainted with Miles was something he found rewarding, he thought the little fox was cool as hell the better he had gotten to know him. Scourge didn’t mind being in his presence, as he had also found him to be very reliable. Tails was a nickname he was continuously called by many who have come to know him, as he had often introduced him this way. Scourge felt the honesty and modesty radiating off of the little fox, he could really respect the guy.

As for Knuckles, he wasn’t completely sure. He was cold and hardened, indifferent to Scourge. Though he did his best to remain with understanding and patience toward the echidna, understanding that the guardian may resent him moreover in comparison to the others.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for asking my suicidal girlfriend not to vent with me? First ask here, be warned for heavy topics about the above situation. Putting an emoji for easy finding. 🦐

I am a polyamorous person (22nb) with my long distance girlfriend (22f) of about 1 year. I love her deeply, and we have known each other for a long time when I used to go to school in person with her. I also have an in person queer platonic partner (22nb) who lives with me currently and has been with me for about 3 years. Both of my partners are suicidal and self harm, though the partner who is living with me has luckily seemed to improve a lot through being able to spend time with someone who cares for them constantly. My girlfriend...sadly has not gotten the same chance, since she moved long before we got together and has only her family to keep her stable (who have proven before this point that they are pretty terrible support systems, when they actively encouraged her self harming to become worse).

Luckily, I have had this rodeo before due to a majority of my friends struggling with this sort of problem, and when she began saying things in my dms that pointed towards depression and suicidality, I was quick to try to help her get into therapy. Whether or not this therapist is really the best is sort of iffy, as the therapist hasn't worked with her on a lot despite over a month of them working together, so...she hasn't gotten much work towards helping to change things and has felt somewhat stuck. I know she needs to probably get a new therapist, but due to not having insurance at the moment it's not an easy situation to just change. Since things have not gotten to improve, she...has still felt horrible most days will come to me in DMs to tell me how bad it is. Which, you know, should be fine, but it's the *way* she talks about it-- it's in a very vent heavy, far too much triggering information, Everything Is Horrible and there is no way to fix it and I should Die, way.

I have learned boundaries in regards to my own mental health due to just how often I have encountered things, and luckily, my other partner is great about it! They don't talk about their issues with suicidality all that much which can make me worried at times, but when they *do*, it's very much a situation of them bringing up how they feel and then us moving forwards to do something distracting or something that will help them. Instead of an info dump of Horrible Information That Makes Me Fear For Their Life, it's just. Moving to make sure they're doing better and changing things, identifying why certain feelings are feeling bad. But with my girlfriend, these topics come on suddenly without warning, are spoken in such a way that I feel like 1. I can't move on or change anything to help 2. I don't have a way to respond that will end up doing anything but make her feel worse. I feel at a complete loss of how to handle these things that she's just throwing on me. I haven't mentioned yet to her how bad these ventings make me feel because I'm worried it would make her internalize it and worsen her issues, though I know I do probably need to communicate it with her. I feel that she may just not be quite as mature as my other partner in how to handle feelings like this yet(most likely due to lack of support systems), and I WANT her to be able to talk about her feelings. I'm her girlfriend, after all, a little bit of emotional labor is always going to be a part of supporting people that close to you. Just...not in a way that will end up ultimately making both me and her feel like shit, and get her in a worse direction than before.

She eventually will be moving in with us next year, and I am wondering if I should try to wait to talk about it until then when she has more of a support to lean against, or should I try to figure it out right now. Right now could leave her...hurt and much more vulnerable, which would be a real risk considering the scenario. Would I be the asshole for telling her that she needs to work on how she talks about these topics, and that I can't have her continuing to put her emotions on me like this?

What are these acronyms?

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM ELLA ENCHANTED *  assorted dialogue from the 2004 film, adjust as necessary

i gotta work on that.

quiet, please. i can't concentrate here.

isn't it wonderful?

i have a no return policy.

why don't you go back to where you came from?

what a stupid name.

nobody wants you here.

i always knew something was wrong with me.

can't you take the spell back?

you must never tell anyone else.

i don't want anyone using it against you.

what's inside you is stronger than any spell.

take this. then i'll always be with you.

your father would like to speak to you.

it was either get married or sell the house.

is this the right address?

the house looks delightful.

my clothes need more room than this.

please don't touch it. it was my mother's.

admit you're stupid and don't know what you're talking about.

hold your tongue.

your coronation is next week.

i've kept my promise, haven't i?

i don't need your chivalry, thanks.

you're the first maiden i've met who hasn't swooned at the sight of me.

i want peace in the kingdom as much as anyone.

so you have a new plan once you take the crown?

that's what i thought. you're all just the same.

perhaps that's why i find your obvious disdain for me so refreshing.

i'll try and be more considerate next time i'm saving you.

next time? what makes you think we'll see each other again?

stop flirting with him.

i need you to do me a little favor.

a felon in my own family. i could die from embarrassment.

you are forbidden ever to see her again.

thank goodness you're all right.

i should have told you about this years ago.

i think it's only fair to warn you that i'm practiced in the ancient art of... origami.

don't let him scare you, sweetheart! kick his butt!

i am going to need so much therapy after this.

that's very sweet, but i'm on a tight schedule.

i'm on a tight schedule. were i not... i would love to have dinner with you.

great. i knew it. a talking book.

i think i may have found you another chance at your future husband.

elves aren't that short, you know.

the rustling always comes before the screaming and the running.

it never hurts to be on your guard.

i led a rally on your behalf the other day. maybe you heard about it.

we just did this. didn't we just do this?

who's to say it wouldn't have worked if you hadn't come barging in?

you're bleeding.

you'd better let me help you with that.

it makes it so much easier rescuing you if i don't have to commute.

your girlfriend doesn't mind being left alone?

that's not really my area of expertise.

you have the power to make a difference in the world and you don't even care.

they're not so bad. i thought they'd be all so big and scary.

i thought that maybe this would be a good time to possibly have a heart to heart.

do you know where the bathroom is?

i had no idea things were so bad.

you have to stay for the night.

i wish you would stay.

i hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're much prettier than i would have expected.

your father would have been proud.

i think he would have really liked you.

kiss me.

that wasn't an order, you know.

i trust your journey was pleasant?

might i trouble you for a moment?

you will tell no one of this plan.

i will do anything you ask.

please tell me you never wanna see me again.

we're together now. and when we're together, it's like magic.

will you marry me?

you tried to kill me.

i can't believe i'm saving you after you tried to kill me.

i should have disposed of you when i had the chance.

[kitofawriter]

The end is near! LMK season five episodes 9-10 spoilers below the cut!!

Oooh boy I’m gonna regret watching these right before I have to go be a functional human being with my family.

Mac stepping in last moment when even SWK was at a loss on what to do?!

Mac grabbing MK was a really cool sequence!

Mac’s fighting him to keep him away!!! Also it’s a little hypocritical considering he started this season with the self sacrificing.

“It doesn’t always need to be you!” Mac having some pre journey flashbacks but with a very different reason.

“Who’d you make a deal with?” “A deal?” I’m sensing more Mac backstory next season…

Bite him Mei!!

“If you’re sorry, then you know it’s the wrong thing to do, son!” Pigsy stop tearing my heart out challenge.

“Here goes nothing, make it count” what do you MEAN?!

Mac what did you do!!?

Nezha mech!!

Mei will mess you up!!

SWK tackling MK!!

Sick villain design

“Don’t make me do this” the parallels!!

“No kid, don’t make me” oooh! He’s not holding back now!!

The call backs to the first episode! MK and SWK fight but not like so many people theorized!! I’m screaming!

Is he binding MK to the mountain with the staff like he did DBK?!?!

Monkeys stop self sacrificing challenge

The fillet!!

The voice acting!!!

Everyone getting to be BA!!

“Wukong” Mac, as far as you know MK was the only option here, why are you more worried about SWK?

Lego stop having main characters being basically dead and talking to the most powerful being challenge.

“Did it…did it work?”

He’s so relieved!! MK!

‘I mean they’ll be reincarnated’ that was NOT the deal!!

Last episode here we go!!

“Cause he’s the monkie kid!!” Genuinely a great theme song!!

Chang’e! I was wondering when you’d show up for that shot!

Oh god, I paused on a shot of Pigsy crying. I am not okay.

SWK pleading!!

“There are none in the world strong enough to bear the stones” gestures to MK and his friends.

MK believes too much in his friends to let it end here!!

“It shouldn’t be up to you, and it definitely definitely shouldn’t be up to me!” Honestly I’d trust that choice to MK.

“Even if it all does ends in pain, that pain is ours!”

Hey has anyone read Stromlight Archives? Cause MK and Dalinar should talk.

I’m so proud of my boi!

“Na-uh, I’m the Monkie Kid!”

Monkey MK!!

Catch him!

“I got you!” The voice acting! I’m gonna cry!

Group hug!

Don’t cry MK!!

“Tang, it’s okay”

SWK reaching out to Mac!!!

Conveniently color coordinated stones for the conveniently color coordinated cast

*We’re all in this together from HSM starts playing in the background*

Bai He cameo!

Taking from she-ra’s book and solving everything with the power of rainbow

Mac is yellow from SWK, the shadowpeach shippers are screaming.

Flying bark reference!!

“I don’t wanna loose you”

I’m in tears

Mac with weird chaos powers now? Also Mac searching the underworld for answers??

Nezha helping rebuild Heaven!!

They made a party for MK

Chaos staff! And only Mac noticed?!

Tang speech!!

My only big complaint: Porty MK did not show up.

That was so good! Not sure it topped season 3 (my favorite season) but it was really good!! The Sandy episode is still my favorite just because I love the big blue guy, but it was all really enjoyable! I understand some peoples complaint about the animation, but we went from a S rank studio, there wasn’t any way it was gonna stay that good with a switch. And they kept with a lot of the style really well. (The rigging was a little rough sometimes but I’m sure with time it’ll get better, if not then I’ll be disappointed). Anyway, let MK rest, get him some therapy, tell Mac to communicate because I feel like that’ll be an issue next season, and get all three Monkey’s to stop self sacrificing please.

Now I can go unblock tags!!

[solarianradiance]

John: hey karkat! John: watcha up to?

Karkat: FIRST OF ALL. Karkat: IF YOU ARE GOING TO INVADE ANOTHER. ENTITIES ABODE THAT IS HIS HIVE. Karkat: I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY OF KNOCKING ON HIS RESPITE BLOCKS DOOR. Karkat: LEST HE RIGHTFULLY BLOW YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND EMPTY FUCKING SKULL CLEAN OFF YOUR CLEARLY INEFFECTIVE SHOULDER OUT OF BEING STARTLED BY YOUR SUDDEN APPEARANCE.

Karkat: DO YOU PEOPLE JUST NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PRIVATE PERSONAL SPACE AND WHY IT'S RUDE TO JUST COME AND GO ONTO OTHER PEOPLES PROPERTY WITHOUT PERMISSION LIKE THAT? Karkat: ITS GOD DAMN BARBARIC YOU UNMANNERED JACKASS!!!

Karkat: BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL ASK IT AGAIN. Karkat: IM DRAWING MY HUMANSONAS.

John: your human...sonas? John: you're being a furry, but with humans?

Karkat: I AM GOING TO PRETEND I DIDNT JUST HEAR THAT AND SAVE US BOTH THE RAGE INDUCED VIOLENCE YOU ARENT WORTH THE EFFORT OF. Karkat: INSTEAD I SHALL GIVE YOU THE BREAKDOWN OF WHY I AM DOING THIS. Karkat: IT IS NOT A FURRY THING. Karkat: IT IS A THERAPY THING.

Karkat: SEE I PROMISED KANAYA ON HER WRIGGLING DAY I WOULD TRY AND MANAGE MY ANGER BETTER. Karkat: WHICH MEANT SEEING A THERAPIST. Karkat: SO BASICALLY WASTE MY TIME HASHING IT OUT WITH A DUMB BLONDE LAVENDER BIMBO THAT SHES MARRIED TO FOR A COUPLE HOURS OF HOURS EVERY WEEK. Karkat: WE WERE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE FOR THE FIRST FEW NIGHTS. Karkat: WHICH I KNEW WOULD HAPPEN BECAUSE ITS FUCKING STUPID AND SHE KNEW IT. Karkat: THEN SHE SUGGESTED THAT I USE AN AVATAR OF MY OWN MAKING TO ROLEPLAY IT OUT AS ANOTHER PERSON. Karkat: WHICH, YKNOW, IM GOOD AT. SO I VERY CALMLY SAID Karkat:"Fuck it, why not?" Karkat: SO I STARTED DRAWING THEM AS SOON AS I GOT UNSTUCK FROM THEIR HOME, JUST SO I COULD WALK THROUGH THE MIND OF A HUMAN THAT SWAPPED HIVES WITH ME.

John: that sound like something rose would suggest. John: glad you're at least trying to hold to your promise, don't see a whole lotta that these days.

John: but now i gotta ask. John: why are you drawing two of em?

Karkat: WHAT PART OF "You are being rude." DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND? Karkat: DONT JUST LOOK AT THINGS THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

John: you said humansona's John: as in plural. John: you're not exactly hiding anything anyways. John: it's right there for all the world to see. John: no need to be krabby about it.

Karkat: I AM NOT BEING KRABBY! Karkat: I AM BEING PATIENT TOWARDS YOUR ASININE BEHAVIOR! Karkat: BECAUSE Karkat: I AM LITERALLY INSIDE MY OWN PRIVATE FUCKING BEDROOM YOU GASLIGHTING PIECE OF SHIT! Karkat: THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME BEING IN HERE TO BEGIN WITH! Karkat: TO KEEP MY AFFAIRS PRIVATE! Karkat: WHICH YOU AND EVERY OTHER GOD DAMN SNOOT SERPENT BEHEMOTH OF THE SAVANNAH SEEM HELLBENT ON MAKING PUBLIC! Karkat: YOU UTTERLY INVASIVE AND ABOUT TO BE ASSBUSTED GHOST!

John: ...

John: well. John: exscuuuuse me for taking an interest in my obviously isolated friend.

Karkat: ...

Karkat: YOUVE BEEN HANGING AROUND TEREZI VRISKA AND MEENAH TOO MUCH LATELY. Karkat: TO HELL WITH IT. Karkat: HERE. Karkat: I WAS ABOUT FINISHED DRAW THEM ANYWAYS. Karkat: GAZE UPON MY THE WORKS OF MY IMAGINATION AS TO WHAT I WOULD BE LIKE IF I WAS HUMAN!

John: holy crap karkat! John: these are really good! John: i didn't know you were such a capable artist! John: i'm actually impressed.

Karkat: WELL. Karkat: THATS THE FUNNY THING. Karkat: YOU THINK YOU KNOW A PERS-

John: you said these were your humansonas? John: for therapy? John: why do you have 2? John: and why is one of them a girl?

Karkat: WHAT? Karkat: IS THAT NOT ALLOWED? Karkat: I CAN EXPLORE MY FEMININE SIDE IF I WANT.

Kanaya: In Case You Are Wondering Kanaya: I Too Made A Humansona

John: AAA!!!!!!

Kanaya: BLEEEH!!!!!!

John: KANAYA! John: how long have you been in here with us?!

Kanaya: The Whole Time! Kanaya: Did You Not Know I Was In Here?

John: NO!

Karkat: SEE?! Karkat: THIS RIGHT HERE. Karkat: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Karkat: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU KNOCK AND ASK BEFORE ENTERING ANOTHER PERSONS RESPITE BLOCK. Karkat: CUZ ITS AS RUDE AS IT IS DANGEROUS. Karkat: YOURE LUCKY IT WAS KANAYA AND I AND NOT SOMEONE LIKE EQUIUS. Karkat: WHO WOULD REFLEXIVELY PUNCH YOU INTO GORE UPON BEING STARTLED. Karkat: SO SAY IT WITH ME. Karkat: WHEN YOU ENTER ANOTHER PERSONS ABODE... Karkat: FUCKING KNOCK FIRST.

[malusokay]

Hi! How are you? I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I love it so much! I listened to your advice about therapy and how it has helped you so I’m gonna try it out and talk to my family about it since I now am old enough and that I have a job. I’m trying to get more confident and secure within myself. I also wanted to ask for more advice from you as someone who has gone to therapy, is there any advice or tips you would recommend for someone who is 17 trying to do better from in and out and build a brand new life that is wonderful? I know you have so many tips on everything and you are so wise I just don’t know where to finally begin to start or in what order is right. Or what advice from you to follow? I want a new start, and a better physical start so I can build myself up to be better and I don’t wanna go back to any old habits and I wanna build a new better me. Any advice would help

Thank you again! Love you!

It makes me so happy to hear that you're taking such amazing steps to better yourself, when it comes to therapy there are quite a few tips I can share since I was in therapy from 13 to 18. <33

Try being honest with your therapist. during my earlier years of therapy, I did nothing but lie and lie and lie and lie. I would have progressed much quicker if I had just dared to speak up, but sometimes it takes time; despite my many lies, I still learned so so so much.

If you can't say it, write it down. when I got older, I switched to a different therapist; with her, I did this thing where if I had something I needed to tell her but I couldn't get myself to say it, I would write it to her, and she would then find a way to guide me through it.

establish little routines with your therapist. just like I did with the writing thing, therapists are there to help you, so if you, for example, struggle to speak up, discuss that with your therapist and find a way to work around that.

keep a diary. many therapists suggest writing "daily or weekly reports", but I mean a REAL diary. one that's just for yourself and no one else, where you really write down how you feel and pour out all your worries and emotions because you know no one but you will ever read it. my diary literally keeps me sane.

as stupid as this may sound... the whole "work out, eat well, sleep, go outside, drink water bla bla bla" that every doctor tells you... it, unfortunately, actually works. every time someone said that to me, I just wanted to scream because it sounded so silly, but now that I'm better, those are the things I do to stay feeling good, so maybe they weren't all that wrong after all...

I hope this little list can help you get started on your journey, and if you have any more questions, need to talk, or want to update me/us on how things are going, please just feel free to send me another ask, and I'll be happy to listen or give advice in any to me possible way!!

You've got this ad I love you <33

[nikitasys]

LIFE WITHOUT FILTER AS A TRAUMAGENIC POLYFRAG+PARTIALLY PROGRAMMED DID SYSTEM

TW : vent, rant, ramcoa, programming, su!c!de mention

(I'm in desperate need for advice, for some kind of guidance or support from other progged systems who may have gone through something similar to what we're describing in this post, or not but who may have ideas of what might be going on with us.)

I stg life has been so exhausting & I just have to unmask & say it SOMEWHERE.

We're a relatively newly discovered+diagnosed system since I realised we were one in August/September of last year (2023). Before that we had been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for several years.

When I first realised we were multiple, I progressively began discovering the other alters. The whole process (we're also in trauma therapy) was difficult & messy but overall as days went by I personally felt more & more satisfied to see/feel how much progress we were making, even with all the highs & lows it entailed. I got to meet & learn to know a few alters, we were able to work on some of our problematic in-sys dynamics & slowly but surely understand ourselves better, both as individuals & as a whole.

Long story short, we were PROGRESSING.

Then things got even messier as our trauma therapy caused even more lifting of the dissociative amnesia in our childhood & we progressively realised we were polyfrag & had been through RAMCOA & programming. (That happened end of February/beginning of March 2024)

The whole process was getting more & more chaotic & distressful but we (me + the rest of our group of main fronters) were pretty determined to figure things out & keep on going forward, which was extremely annoying to a bunch of programmed alters who immediately tried their best to keep us quiet/isolated & make us feel insane/terrified by trying to make us go back to our primary abuser, OR convince our psychiatrist to put us on antipsychotics & hospitalise us, OR leave the place we live in to go who-knows-where & ghost everyone we knew, OR off ourself etc... in a nutshell, it was really freaking hard.

But some of us were determined to keep trying to do what was best for us, to keep trying to get better, to gain at least some kind of free will, to LIVE.

I'm sorry, this post is way too long.

But anyway, now it's been a few months since I just don't know what's going on with us anymore. The veryyyy little visualisation I could have of our innerworld is gone, all the main fronters seem to have truly disappeared (mass dormancy?) as well as the vast majority of alters we had identified up to this day. It seemed that I was frontstuck for a long while, & now it's been a few weeks that alters just randomly pop up (whether they front or stay co-conscious) & then disappear almost immediately after as if nothing had happened & I just... I feel so lost.

It's all just so frustrating you know ? To me it truly feels like something MAJOR happened inside both to our innerworld + all the alters & I'm being deliberately locked away from the truth of what it is. I feel like I'm being punished, & tbh I probably am. I'm in a lot of denial about our programming but the whole thing definitely feels like one (or more ?) internal handler/programmer has been orchestrating some kind of system reboot or hardcore scramble or... I DON'T KNOOOW 😭 I just don't know anything anymore. It's like nothing ever happened & it's particularly distressing, you know ? It is SO weird to know deep down that massive stuff is going on inside yourself but at the same time you know nothing & it all makes me wonder if I ever knew anything in the first place ? These thoughts make me dizzy af. It just feels like since syscovery there was overall progress happening, & now there's just nothing. As if everything had been suddenly turned off & restarted or... I just don't know.

Anyway. I realise no one will read this post entirely, but if for some reason you are doing it, first of all congrats & also, THANK YOU.

Don't hesitate to contact us via DMs or comment if you have any questions or advice, we'll be more than happy to answer you to the best of our abilities. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP 🙏🏻

— host (I think?)

[underdark-dreams]

Hello! I would first like to thank you for getting me into the Rolan boat, this arrogant emotionally-constipated (affectionate) wizard has taken over my mind and he is all I think about now.

That being said, I was wondering if you would be able to do a rolan x tav like a few years or even a decade into their relationship? Does settling into Sorcerous Sundries and becoming a better mage make Rolan softer? How is he connecting with the rest of the magic community (I am personallya Rolan and Gale rare books reading club supporter) What would be some of the major long term disagreements in their relationship and how do you think they would work through it? What would this man's ideal 'happily ever after' look like?

Thank you so much!

This was great food for thought! 🖤 Thank you so much!

I kind of want to work on future Rolan x Tav as its own little standalone fic, because that idea is so sweet—but here are some headcanons on that & all these other what-ifs. Apologies that they're a bit jumbled, I can't concentrate when Rolan

Rolan loves his tower! He definitely feels the weight and responsibility of being the new steward for all this collected research and knowledge. But he also loves that he can go through his books and satisfy his curiosity whenever he wants, after so long yearning for someone to teach him and nurture his magic. He learns to do that for himself

I think the big thing that will soften and kind of humble him over the years will be once he accepts that personal growth will never stop. There is not a mystical point X where he could stand and say, did it, I have reached the pinnacle of archwizardry. He learns how to stop rushing forward and enjoy other things in life, most of all his relationship with Tav.

Once all the Absolute business is finally settled, Rolan will definitely want to lock that down. It doesn't need to be a legal marriage per se, but he is extremely committed to the relationship & wants the same from them. If he had his way Tav would have moved in yesterday. He's ready to wake up next to them for the rest of his life. Buys a house in the city right beside his old place where Lia and Cal still live & can't wait to merge his found family with his new family. His happily ever after is being surrounded by the people he loves and watching them thrive, especially when it's because of him. Having the capacity to care for Tav and Cal and Lia makes him incredibly fulfilled.

Some big potential sources of conflict in his and Tav's relationship:

Jealousy and insecurity. Rolan has some deep abandonment issues from his past, so if he ever felt like Tav was straying emotionally or making him jealous on purpose, that would really hurt his trust. Deep down he needs to know they love him, and hear it once a day preferably

Control issues/willfulness. Older brother mode activated. Rolan likes to do things his way and is very stubborn and proud about conceding to others. He does see Tav more as his equal, unlike his little siblings, but it's hard for him to translate that into actions. There will be a lot of fights over any big decisions where he & Tav disagree. Part of working through it would probably mean Rolan confronting why he needs to control things so badly (growing up without much control over anything in his life maybe? Hmm). He would genuinely benefit from therapy & from learning how to translate all his feelings into constructive words. Being with someone who would stand up to him would really benefit Rolan in the long run, though.

In the magical community: He's got a reputation as a rebel amongst the wizarding community, because 1) he's very much self-taught which is pretty unusual, and 2) not everyone approves of how freely he hands out information about the Weave, casting, etc to the curious younglings who visit his tower. Of course he'd never let anyone get into anything too powerful unsupervised, but after his experience with Lorroakan and realizing that this famed so-called archmage was actually just an idiot who stole everything from more powerful mages, he's like. The strict apprentice system can kinda get fucked honestly. He just doesn't agree that the basics of magic should be kept behind lock and key. Becomes a sort of magical literacy advocate. Let the children read

You might be surprised at how patient this man can be with children by the way! Lots of little magical prodigies hanging around Master Rolan's tower whenever he lets them. He'll kind of scowl to intimidate them into behaving themselves, but inside he loves to see curious minds reading and learning. As a primarily self-taught wizard, he also has an excellent grasp of pedagogy and how to describe concepts in a way a beginner would understand. He puts together his own beginner's magical textbook over the years. Holding the first printed copy in his hands is probably one of the proudest moments of career

To Rolan, Gale's reputation definitely precedes him at first—even before the events at the Grove he knew the name Gale of Waterdeep. Rolan is younger and admires Gale's skill a lot, so in the beginning of their professional relationship he's a bit intimidated. But you know Gale, he is friendly and endearing from the get go. Rolan often thinks if he'd had a teacher like Gale in his youth, he could have nurtured his magical skills much earlier.

Definitely, definitely also subscribe to the Rolan/Gale book club! They become kindred spirits in that regard over the years. Gale makes a visit to Rolan's tower to inform him of this fascinating manuscript that has just surfaced in Evereska, and Rolan is like "Really? I thought the Fae destroyed that centuries ago…" and the two of them just sort of wander off in conversation. Not to reappear for hours. Probably plotting like naughty children over a bottle of wine about how they are going to get their hands on the Ancient Forbidden Book without Tav finding out