#(And I probably kinda have a hard time dealing with emotions but I’ll get through it)

[smproject16]

Woah okay might be the high night emotions getting to me but everytime I think of that Two Princes song (My Story Starts With You) I just get so emotionalll it’s so heartwarming I hadn’t realized how much it’s d e s t r o y i n g me until a day later (in the BEST way possible)

[bellarkeselection]

Request yellowstone Lee dutton

Reader is drunk and she calls her friend jamie to come pick her up jamie tells his dad and brother reader calls and needs to be pick up at a bar so lee and jamie go when they gets there some guy was hitting on her and Lee saves her and jamie being a lawyer threatens him

Dutton Boys Got My Back

Sitting up at the bar I downed another beer and added it to my section of ones I had finished in the few hours I have been here. Tonight I needed a release from having a fight with my mother over the fact that I had stuck around with the Dutton family. She wanted me to leave Montana but I felt like I belonged here and nowhere else. “Can I get another Liam?”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” The bartender asked me.

Shaking my head I snapped back. “Nah I don’t think so. Now get me another before I call my buddies.”

“Okay don’t start a fight in my bar.” He warned me walking away to get another beer.

Taking my phone out of my pocket I scoffed scrolling through my contacts until I found Jaime’s cell. We had been close up until his daddy had sent him off to become a lawyer. Now I knew if I ever got in trouble he’d bail me out. Hitting he call button I finished the remainder of my beer. “Hey Jaime…you working on any big cases?”

“Not tonight. What are you doing?” He asked me.

Slurring my words the bartender came back giving me my new drink. “Just having some drinks after fighting with my mother again this year. That women don’t understand my life…”

“How many drinks have you had?” He questioned me.

Sitting my beer bottle down I answered him back. “It don’t matter, Jaime. Just enough to know….have we ever gone out dancing together. We should do that tonight. Come and pick me up.”

“I’ll be there in a few.” He responded ending the phone call.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there but it was long enough to know I should’ve probably left hours ago. Half the time I came out to the bar with Beth. The other times it was rare if I got Lee and Jaime out and off that ranch for the night. Lee and I always have something more going on then what we are actually comfortable to admit to ourselves. I’ve had a crush on him for years and I’d be married to him if my mother would allow it. “Dutton’s mean nothing but trouble.” She’d say to me during some of our arguments.

“What’s a pretty gal like you sitting up here all alone. Drowning your emotions in alcohol is no way to go.” A random guy came up to me but he nearly collapsed on top of the bar top telling me he was more drunk then I was.

Taking a sip from my beer I sent him a smirk. “That’s none of your business, buddy.”

“It kinda is a part of my business. I wanna….spend a round with you.” He gets up close to me pushing his Boyd up against mine nearly spilling his drink in my lap.

Glancing up at him I shook my head knowing exactly what he wanted tonight. He was one of the guys that think they can sleep with any girl that by herself. Beth taught me how to deal with men like this. Getting to my feet I stared into his eyes. “I have no interest in you.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” The drunk man said back to me, quickly grabbing me by my hips bringing me close against his chest and I couldn’t move since my back was pressed to the bar top behind me. “You want this as much as I do.”

Gripping the bottle in my hand I throw it over his head and he stumbled backwards. “You little bitch!”

He moved forward grabbing me by my shoulders shoving me against the hard wood behind me. I grunted feeling my arms get some cuts on them from how hard he pushed me. He got in my face and I bared my teeth trying to fight him when he slipped a hand underneath my shirt. I screamed hitting his chest but he slapped me across the face. He would have done it a second time if someone hadn’t yanked him back by the collar of his jacket. “Why don’t you keep your hands off of her.”

“I wasn’t doing anything wrong.” The drunk guy grumbled to the guy.

Blinking my eyes I sniffed through some tears recognizing the cowboy that had stepped in and protected me. “Lee, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Why don’t you get your hands off of me, cowboy. I ain’t done anything wrong…because she enjoys being around me.” The stranger got up in the oldest Dutton’s face.

Lee glanced in my direction. “Why’d you hit him, darling?”

“Tried to get handsy after I told him I wasn’t interested.” Crossing my arms over my chest I answered his question.

“Did you hear that, brother?” Lee called over his shoulder allowing me the chance to see his brother Jaime come inside the bar. He was dressed in his suit and tie looking like he didn’t belong there. Yet either way I was happy to see my friend knowing he would fix this without anyone beer bottles to the head.

He nodded in agreement. “Sure did. I’ll take it from here. Who’s the more intoxicated one here?”

“He is. I told him I wasn’t interested and he still came on me.” Pointing my index finger at the drunk.

Jaime made a noise. “I’d suggest you leave this girl alone for the rest of the night. Unless you wish to be taken to court.”

“You can’t take me to court.” He says.

Lee and I glanced at one another with Jaime closing the gap between them almost completely. “I’d advise you choose your next words carefully. sir. My father owns the largest ranch in the state and this girl you think is here for some fun is a very close friend of ours. And I can smell alcohol and see some cuts on her arm’s meaning you could be filed for public intoxication. Like I said go home and avoid trouble.”

“So I was told you asked for a ride home. I’m here to pick ya up, darling.” Lee shrugged his shoulders at me once the drunk had stumbled off somewhere else making it just the three of us.

Grabbing my jacket I closed the gap between us leaning up on my toe’s taking him by surprise. “I appreciate it, Lee. Do me a favor and don’t think I’m doing this just because I’m a little tipsy. I….rather like you.” Leaning up on my toes I grabbed his collar drawing him down to me where I gave him a kiss rather quickly.

“What was that for?” He asked me turning a little red once we separated from each other.

Winking at him I walked through the door. “That’s a thank you for my Dutton boys coming to get me.”

“Take her to the truck and I’ll pay the tab.” Jaime told his brother at the same time that Lee scooped me up bridal style making me giggle at his actions. Wrapping my arms around his neck I laid my head on his chest.

Lee chuckled sitting his hat on top of my head carrying me outside to the truck. “If there’s more thank you’s like that one in the future I wouldn’t mind.”

“As long as your okay with my momma not liking you then we have a good chance.” I grinned at him where he helped me inside the passenger seat. He shut the door gently and kissed my forehead before I passed out waiting for Jaime to come outside so we could go home for the evening.

Lee brushed hair behind my ear he smiled lovingly. “We always come when somebody like you calls.” That was a very true statement since every time I called them they had come without a thought of hesitation because that is what family does for one another.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[turnoutthe-lights]

love is a kaleidoscope - e. williams

Tags: Reader has no specified gender, angsty question mark, rocky relationship, some use of profanity (please take this lightly. like grain of salt lightly.), ellie is kind of ooc i think, set somewhat in the canon typical universe, mentions(?) of mental health struggles

A/N: I was trying to write another fic but I couldn’t do it. I suck at multitasking buuuuut, chappell roan inspired fic! Kaleidoscope is honestly a banger so everyone should stream when they read this! (I doubt anyone will do this but trust me! It’s for ambiance.)

Ellie hadn’t been herself lately. Going out early and coming back late, quieter, moping around, anxious, paranoid. Usually you’d been able to get her out of her moods with some attention but it seemed as if she’d been dead set on staying in this one. It didn’t matter what you tried — nothing worked.

“Ellie, I just wanna help you.” You spoke softly as you approached her drawing desk. “You’re not yourself lately.” You felt sorry for her, but she seemed to hate that. Since the day of Joel’s death and the meeting in Santa Barbara with Abby, everything had changed; understandably so. But you wanted to be there for her.

She was scared to let people in. She didn’t know what to say or when it would ever be safe again. Seeing how much you cared, she had harbored some resentment towards your persistence. She never understood how someone could be so interested in bettering someone who’d obviously been going through something.

It was hard to say, but sometimes she wants silence. She doesn’t wanna be reminded of how she needs to get out more or how much you’d wanna make her feel better by doing things you’d done before the outbreak. Truthfully? To her, it could never be the same — not without Joel. She lost a part of herself. “Ellie. Ellie, please look at me.”

She spares a glance in your direction for a moment. “If you really wanna go, I’ll never make you stay. Seriously. I want what’s best for you— for us, this relationship. If you need to go your own way, so be it.”

The relationship you had with Ellie had always been somewhat rocky. After she initially left to find Abby, the revenge took over her mind and made for a new and ugly personality. It was the same thing. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. It was like a curse. One that seems to linger no matter how many times you discourage it from coming back. Ellie seemed to have her mind set on killing that woman Abby. That’s probably what had done it for her.

“I’ll totally understand if we need to be apart. I truly do. It’ll just.. take some time before we could even be friends again or something.” You shrug. “But why? Why would it be weird to go back to the way we’d already been?” Ellie finally speaks, her voice raw and hoarse. “Dealing with this sorta thing is hard. I think I’d need some time before I decide we can be friends again. I’d still look at you and say, yknow, you’re my girlfriend; but in reality we’re.. exes.”

Ellie understands, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. In her eyes, love was beautiful and blissful yet still confusing. How it worked? We’ll never know. Nobody does. Once you fall into it, you fall hard, and it feels like a punch in the gut once you realize that this isn’t forever.

Even with all the beauties of love, being inlove and being loved, she was afraid to let it in. She was always kinda closed off-ish when it came to herself.

“Things like this are.. big, and wild and confusing, I know. Emotions are big. Love is a big one,” You began speaking, yet gently and slowly. “But sometimes, it’s necessary to just.. take some time away from it, you know?” Ellie nods along with what you were saying.

“Maybe we do need a little break from eachother. To think about if we can keep going with this. All I can think right now is how fucking tired I am, and how I want this to work, but I don’t know how.” Ellie sighs. “I’ve been trying to be better for you but it feels impossible. I don’t know what to even do anymore,” Her hands tangle in her short hair as she thinks about what she’d say next.

“I love you a lot. I really do. But we need to take some time away from eachother.” Ellie says, holding your hands. It stings, but you knew this was coming. It was like bracing yourself before a punch you knew was coming to you.

“Yeah. I think so too.” You mumble back. You look at Ellie, she looks at you. She stands up to embrace you and you just let the tears you kept bottled up out while she rubs your back.

[manofthepipis]

*bursts through door* *a gazillion character analysis pages fall on the floor* HELLO!! I really hope you don’t mind! But like, I have so many ideas and thoughts about your characters that I’ve been dying to share with you!! I hope that’s alright! Here’s my in depth analysis of your five main Addisons! I gave them all a name starting with “P” LMAO IDK why

Sponsor: Persuader

-I’ll admit, he was hard for me to pinpoint. But I’m not one to back down from a challenge! I decided to make Sponsor the persuader because he has a very “electric” aura around them. Now when I say he persuades, he doesn’t manipulate obviously, he just hypes them up to be brave and that they’ve got this! (Sometimes…) Like in the previous chapter, they manage to persuade the group that “hey! I believe in Spamton!” And is able to get Banner and Survey to agree with them. (And later Clicks) He also has a streak of acting without thinking, like a “rip the bandaid of quick so it will sting less” (Mike incident and Swinging open the door to Spamton’s “room” respectfully) However, he does realize that their actions have consequences a little bit too late in the game. Sponsor is like the energy ball of the team. He keeps them hyped and determined! A spokesperson if you will. He’s like, a cool older bro (I guess younger in this scenario) that will you help you sneak out to try out your new motorbike on the empty road at like 3am or something.

Clicks: Protector

-Another given in the group, Clicks is calculated and logical. Not that he doesn’t show any emotion (far from it…) but in terms w/ Spam especially. Clicks is shown to be on guard. A sword and shield duo kinda? His sword side is that He’s quick to jump to conclusions about Spamton, but is also the first one to get shit done when he sees Spamton struggling with an episode (Panic Attack & Glitch Attack respectively) However, his shield side is that he actually really still deeply cares about our little spam man and the other Addisons. When they first encounter NEO, he’s the first one to actively protect the group and tells them to get to safety. Also, I’m curious to see Clicks side of the story with his thoughts on Spam. Looking at it his way, he probably feels regret, anger, pity and guilt. Like his deep dark feelings to who or whatever did this to Spam and I just think that he… has a tough time processing it because he’s in this state of shock and is supposed to look out for the group! Not the other way around. Someone help out my emotional constipated drama queen.

Survey: Peacekeeper

-This one was kinda easy with the whole, “Survey is the voice of reason!” thing. Survey was the one who had the biggest impact on talking Spamton down from his NEO rampage in the first place. They also try to put everyone’s feelings above their own, and multiple times during the story, they get onto Clicks for being too passive aggressive toward Spam. They are just trying their best by keeping the peace and being a shoulder to lean on. But, I can’t help but wonder if this is gonna take a toll on them(?) not that they don’t want to help Spam anymore, but that they might need a mental break for themselves. I don’t think they had enough time to process their OWN trauma from their past experience with NEO. Like in the previous chapter, Surv definitely seems to be struggling with an internal conflict of their own, help Spamton, or go somewhere safe kinda deal. Maybe Swatch can lend an ear(?) Also!! I just want to give them a big ol’ hug!

Banner: Provider

-I chose banner as a provider because he doesn’t really fit into the “peacekeeper” category, BUT he is shown continuously providing for the other addisons (ex: Hot Chocolate, New clothes for Spamton, Moral Support for Survey etc…) His strengths are that he’s determined, hopeful and optimistic. He’s able to provide a sense of agreement and comradeship with the others by just letting them know that he’s there for them etc,, plus with his dwindling confidence, a provider is a good role for him because he’s able to offer support and help, but just at the sidelines. Hopefully he can get his confidence up!! He seems passionate but anxious, and wants to prove he can do more. Also, Banner seems to be the mother hen of the group if I had to give one of ‘em that role. Like, I can 100% see him telling Clicks, “bring a coat with you it’s gonna be cold!” And then goes on a whole rant when Clicks did not in fact bring a coat while at the same time pulling a spare coat from his inventory to give to him LMAO I love this dude.

Spamton: Puppet

ARUGHAHD DUDE IM SORRY BUT. YOU ARE THE BEST AUTHOR I HAVE EVER MET THAT ACCURATELY PORTRAYS SPAMTON!!!! He’s a tragic but comedic character. You perfectly balanced his humor with his hurt like 10000/10 Spam writing!!!! I also enjoy how you write his mini episodes with his panic attacks, dissociation episodes, and his bouts of depression! (As someone who has gone though similar episodes myself, it’s executed very realistically!) also! I have some ideas on how the group can get spammy out of his static episodes! Some things that help me out of a dissociation episode is just putting my hands in some cold water or just splashing some water in your face. helps distract your brain from trailing off too much! Also giving Spamton something to fidget with might help his anxiety as well! As for talking to him out of a panic attack, just letting him know that his family’s got his back this time. Maybe something like a weighted blanket can help him with his panic? Idk but that usually helps me!! Also book these five a group therapy session asap LMAO maybe Ralsei can be their psychologist?

AAAAAA i love these thoughts i'm currently spinning ur analysis in my head like a microwave and these are just all so awesome i've read over them over and over because all of it is like exactly what i wanted to convey and then more

sponsor is the addison i haven't had too much time developing yet because i have a plan for them later on but what you wrote is exactly it!! :D he does have so much energy, but like electricity, enough consumption of it leads to shutting down. after spamton's disappearance, he couldn't handle much of the back and forth from the other ads, and kept to himself throughout it, not remarking on it knowing clicks and banner at the time were the most bitter. his 'acting without thinking' is also spot on and something they're aware of, which leads to them being too-hesitant at times and then vice versa. that and he's not very good with handling emotions, and has a view of things that isn't so past-driven. like it's not "oh we almost got killed bc of spam" it's "spams back! he's different but he's here". i made them the newest addison out of the bunch which is going to come into play a bit later with his connection to spamton, but i love the idea he's the spokesperson of the group, and a persuasive big bro figure. his energy, when it's there, is definitely contagious (also i could go on and on about this guy i love him sm)

i love this take on clicks as well being like a sword/shield because that!!! is such a good way to describe it!! like, unlike sponsor, he's very past-driven, but that leads to so many emotions that just take over. he's aware of consequences, a little bit more than the rest, but his ego gets in the way of the consequences of his own actions (like if he were the one talking down sneo instead of survey they'd all be nothing but spare pixels in seconds). he's a protector, both a successful and a failed one, and god his emotions are all over because of that as he's trying to process what happened while dealing with the aftermath AND getting over his resentment for spamton whenever it surfaces. dude is SO emotionally constipated it's ridiculous

i wanted to make survey the main pov from the beginning because of how they kinda tie everyone together and are more of an observer than the other ads (i thought about the idea of having a pov from each addison every once in awhile but that just seemed a little much). they are a peacekeeper :D but being a peacekeeper isn't the easiest job especially when something like this pops up. it is DEFINITELY taking a toll on them, and they are in no means a leader, so this responsibility is weighing on them like a lot. Though they are patient, understanding, and trustworthy there is a limit to how far that can be pushed. they still love spamton and the others but i agree they need a lil bit of a break :') (are they going to get one immediately???? lol the answer may not surprise u)

banner oh boy ok i have a little bit of bias (he's grown to be my favorite over time) but him being a provider is like exactly it :D it's how he expresses his care towards others is through items, distractions, optimism etc because that's the one thing hes really confident in is what he can make. he acts as a stand-in leader in the first part, but after failing to apologize to sneo, that confidence ship has taken a hit. he's not sure if he can lead anymore, and has started falling behind the others, but it's only because he doesn't know a lot of what happened to spamton. the guy acts on what he knows, and is aware he makes the wrong decision on inferences but if he can build up spamton's trust, find out how to help, then he can do something from there :'). btw i love this scenario of him pestering clicks about having a coat because it's so true. he won't let his addison family go out without a coat goddangit

with spamton (AAAAAA TYSM :'D I LOVE WRITING HIS CHARACTER AND SO THIS IS SO MUCH APPRECIATED <3 <3) gosh what can i NOT say about him?? he's just so !!! i love this lil puppet guy. his mental state is incredibly unstable, but he's the type of guy to want attention but not from his faults. i'm glad i could have his episodes be reminiscent of what those who have them go through while in spamton's pov of having corrupted software. i strive to be as realistic as possible while also keeping him just a lil computer guy :D tho i like the idea of the water getting him out of the static, because a physical distraction like that is actually so helpful. the addisons definitely got his back this time, and actually in the next chapter i have a lot written about their ideas to conquer the static while also giving him something that will help him but also challenge him a little bit as he makes his return to this new normal.

[jinglyhigh-heels]

Okay finally time to use this account for its intended purpose. Which was…basically anything other than what I’ve been using it for so far lmao. Anyway.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles, the 2014 and 2016 movies.

2014 movie was, in my opinion, alright. I haven’t seen the shows yet, so I can’t speak to canonical accuracy, but I like the way the teens are portrayed. Really made me wanna watch the shows. But I decided to watch the sequel first because, you know, sequel.

And Imma be honest with you, I’m 50 minutes in, and I can’t get through anymore. The first movie, the only real issues I had were with April (they tried so hard to get me to like her but she felt kinda one-dimensional ig? Idk if anyone knows of a more in-depth analysis of her character PLZ tell me) and the fact that it didn’t…seem to take much on? If that makes sense? The characters were there (and for the most part amazing!), the plot was there (although very straightforward and direct if that makes sense), but there was very little emotional reaction from the characters as to what was going on. The teens’ father was, like, on his deathbed, and not one of the three asked Raphael if the rat (I forgot his name already,,,) was okay.

As for the second movie, literally the only good thing I can think about it is the portrayal of Raphael and, by extension, his brotherly relationship with Michelangelo. I cackled when sent that officer guy to deal with…Skipper? (Idk I tried lol.) Oh yeah, his character’s really cool from what I saw too.

But goooooood the plot and characterization of Slasher or whatever his name is makes me wanna scream. Slasher’s main goal in the first movie was to take over a city by making them believe he saved them. His goal was never to destroy the fucking world. That came extremely out of left field for me. But on that note, wtf happened to that other guy? He isn’t mentioned at all in the movie, or at least when they’re talking about what happened after the events of the first movie. And just, the amount of sub-plots they’re trynna shove into this movie is way more than can be gracefully handled in an hour imo. There’s the whole “we found something that can make us human and what are we gonna do with it” subplot they’re setting up, the “there’s gonna be some tension amongst the brothers because the rat father mentioned it (curse you, Chekov’s Gun!!!)”, oh and O’Neil still isn’t getting a character development arc, but we have characters dealing with space warping now!!! Which is both extremely out of the left field and also has the possibility to go very bad when simply thrown into a movie for plot purposes. Ugh.

Knowing me I probably forgot something(s), so I’ll probably reblog this with more gripes and or general thoughts later though.

[radellama]

Games I played in 2020 (Reupload)

This post somehow got deleted when I removed it from my pinned, which is strange, cause all my other ex-pinned still exist... Anyway, good thing I kept a personal archive, so here it is again, unedited!

Excluding games like mario kart/just dance/jackbox games ect that are kinda just.. You play them, thats it; this is a (hopefully) comprehensive list of the games I played in this shitty year. Its a bunch of my thoughts and rambles, with somewhat of a rundown of what the games actually are. These are vaguely in the order I played them in this year, and I have another whole post on just the Resident Evil games I played that I’ll keep seperate, cause this got out of hand lmao.

Under the cut so I don’t clog you all up.

---

Owlboy

Owlboy… This game is so fantastic, I got it twice. Literally, I have the digital version on switch and bought physical for ps4. What can I say? I really love this game. The soundtrack, visuals and story are just incredible, and it feels right at home alongside other games I hold close to my heart.

You play as Otus, a shy and mute owl who tries to help out but often gets the short end of the stick. Things start to get serious when the threat of a pirate attack looms over his small and unassuming town, as he tries to help figure out how to help and stop the pirates. With the help of friends he makes along the way, Otus and pals start to discover that there’s something more sinister beneath everything going wrong.

Playing this handheld on switch feels just as nice playing console on ps4 (yes i know i can put my switch in the dock, but at the start of the year playing this i had no internet and my tv was packed in a box ready to move :P) I think I have a pretty strong resonance with this game due to the fact that I played it at a strange time in my life. Bushfires were burning up the country, the smoke from them was thickly hanging over my town as I tried to pack up all my belongings and move to the city, and no one could come help me due to the severity of the smoke. The stress of trying to move and start up at university all within a few days was getting to me and reflected in slightly more insomnia than usual, so this game kept me good company. There are a lot of really good emotional beats within the game, and it was well worth being a thorough player and dicking around to exhaust all npc dialogue; I believe some of the best emotional scenes are optional and could be missed if you don’t go searching for them. That said, even if you may miss one or two of the hard hitting feely stuff, there’s plenty of really nice moments in the main story that you can’t miss. I especially liked the way it touched on how to approach and deal with your friends when grieving through tragedies, and that there are moments where the characters tell each other how much they mean to each other. Overall its just such a gorgeous story about a young owl trying to help, and how far of a journey that takes him. I’ve played it probably 5-6 times this year across both platforms, I feel like I can’t get enough of it. While a shorter game, it doesn’t feel like it’s missing anything, and has a fairly satisfying end, even though it is rather open ended. 

Love this game, and would encourage you to play/watch a playthrough if you get the chance. (Also big fat win for this game being set on a bunch of floating islands!! Fuck yesssss)

Some songs I really liked were: 

Strato https://youtu.be/_JHq-jJZUlw

Such Perfect Peace https://youtu.be/aW1vcLi6IOI

Tropos By Night https://youtu.be/LUY7_Q600LM

~~~

Aragami

Oh boy, how do I start. I really liked playing this game, it was the first time I’ve really delved into stealth games, and I had a great time. It took me a while to get used to the controls, I feel like this is probably better to play on ps4 or pc, but it was still great on switch. While I do enjoy games set in Japan, that wasn’t the main draw for me to play this game. The idea of being a shadow assassin infiltrating the light clans during the night, it was so interesting and beautifully executed!

You play as an undead, malevolent spirit of the shadows, summoned by the young girl Yamiko to help break her free from the imprisonment of the light clan. While the story isn’t particularly deep or enthralling, it is enough to keep an interesting motive to continue playing. As you collect Yamiko’s belongings that are guarded, you slowly release the shackles of her imprisonment and share her memories that are attached. One thing of note here, not only do you have the option to choose which style of play you want, its actually encouraged to shake up how you go about each level! I plan on replaying soon and challenging myself to play differently, I tried to simply not be spotted by any enemies, and killed whoever was a nuisance. There are achievements to be had for complete stealth and never being spotted by an enemy, or killing every enemy in the map; every time you do well and receive points for excelling at a certain play style, you can buy weapon and attack upgrades. These were very fun to save up and collect, from adding more ways to attack and distract enemies for a much more thought out attack strategy, or sending out decoy shadows and having shadowy hands consume enemies in an insta-death. 

Not only did I thoroughly enjoy my time playing this game, I also felt like it was just well designed. I honestly can’t remember a time playing where I felt I was unfairly frustrated at a death, it usually felt like my own error and something that I could figure out myself. Perhaps a few of the boss fights were a bit mediocre in that aspect, but I can remember most the boss fights clearly enough to say I thought they were clever and creative ways for light and shadow to clash. It has been a while since I have played, and looking nostalgically to a game I played in Feb/March needs to be taken into consideration. However, if you wanna give stealth games a go, this is a great action-adventure stealth to play, and has a gorgeous aesthetic with a soundtrack to match! Well worth playing if this sounds interesting to you.

Notable songs for me were:

House of the Raven https://youtu.be/AAd9cm1nFfE

Trapped! https://youtu.be/vH7ehpPUIwI 

Main Theme https://youtu.be/m09et2hlLMk

~~~

Stardew Valley

Ahh Stardew. Honestly I played it more last year, it was a great way for me to relax AND rest my back to play this on my switch in bed after work. I still played it enough this year that it warrants being on my list, and I’ll say it’ll be on next years as well since the new update will be coming to consoles early next year, and I’ll bet this will be what I inevitably come back to playing to give my brain a break once uni starts up again.

Fairly simple game, you’re a newly appointed farmer taking over your grandpa’s old estate, you can farm… thats about it. Just kidding, there’s actually quite a lot to do so I always come back to this (also the ease of repetitive rituals make the autism go wheeeee!) It’s really nice getting to know the townsfolk, even date ones that catch your fancy. I’ve got like 3 or 4 files on the go, one of which is me playing as Captain Jean-Luc Picard of Enterprise Farm, just trying to grow a massive vineyard with a few animals and other plants just for fun. What can I say? The brainrot goes deep.

I’m very excited to see what the updates will hold, I had a lot of fun with the previous update that lets you befriend the sewer monster and move into your house. And also that you can get a movie theatre if you go the right path. This game has so much love poured into it, and it is genuinely one of, if not the best farming sims out there.

Not much more to really say except I love this game a lot, so here are some songs I really like. 

Fall (Raven’s Descent) https://youtu.be/idOmc35hlhU

Spirit’s Eve Festival https://youtu.be/gI3c4_K3smY

Winter (Ancient) https://youtu.be/Zr-PHm_qLgg

~~~

Cave Story+

I love Cave Story, it hits a certain sweet spot of nostalgia as I had it on wiiware growing up. It fascinated me as a kid but I think most of it kinda went over my head, so it was really nice to see it put on Switch! I played this a lot at the start of the year, but I also did a playthrough with my friend to show her what its all about. You can ask Nika, I did final cave (hidden) with joycon drift and somehow made it! /after like 20 tries lmao

You wake as a robot soldier with amnesia, and come across the mimigma village where you find that a girl mimigma named Sue has gone missing. As you try to search for her, you come in contact with her brother, and find out more about why they went missing. The further you investigate, the more dangerous it becomes, as it is made apparent that you are in fact meddling with a plan The Doctor has to take over the world or something, so you gotta fight a big toaster and a cute witch a bunch. Its a very charming and charismatic game, the wit of the old translations has pretty much been carried over, and this game is a pretty important part of the history of indie games. Well worth looking into how this game was created as its very interesting!

Definitely recommend playing, I love this game cause holy shit cute robot protags (and a floating island!!) I believe the original version of the game is still free to play on pc, otherwise cs+ is probably the best and definitive version to play, the main reason being you can stack a bunch of dogs on your head :P

Good songs:

Balrog’s Theme https://youtu.be/pcxw5QuqwZw

Plantation (Main Theme) https://youtu.be/td-evNdOvts

Safety https://youtu.be/l9Fk1e41_aA

~~~

Animal Crossing: New Horizons

What an interesting game in the series. Honestly I feel a bit conflicted with this one.

While I did enjoy the early days, and can see that its got some of the best gameplay/mechanics in the series yet, it feels a little soulless. 

I’m really not a fan of the way they were drip feeding updates out to us, the content should all be there from the beginning. Special events like holidays, I can understand them being free updates that are patched in, but things like Redd and the art section of the gallery? What the hell, why wasn’t that there from the beginning? I remember being very disappointed at the lack of art gallery, and not feeling all that satisfied when we eventually got it, because it should’ve been there? I know that I’m sounding a bit like a broken record with it, but while there is so many new things, like being able to terraform and having the most control over your town, I mean island, we’ve ever seen in an ac game - even the fact that we can put furniture outside now; that stuff is awesome. I won’t change my mind on that. But the taste is soured by the fact that theres so much stuff that feels like it’s missing. Brewster wasn’t a part of any museum update as far as I’m aware, it’d be awesome to set up his cafe on the island somewhere! There isn’t much expansion in the way of Nook’s store, and THE LACK OF FURNITURE SERIES. Collecting furniture series was one of my favourite things about ac, and I was so excited going from wild world to new leaf, finding that there were even more fancy furniture sets to collect. To have them all taken away.. I think there’s the cabana set still, but bruh I want to collect the sets I loved collecting as a kid, seeing what new additions to the sets will be added, seeing if Gracie will have any more expensive shit to buy. Gracie isn’t here :( There are a lot of the older npcs that just aren’t here and it feels pretty empty without them tbh. I know that the idea is that this is literally the next gen of ac as a series, and some of the npcs are the children/grandchildren of the old npcs we know and love, but I dunno it’d be nice to see them sometimes too. 

The text is also pretty bland tbh. I remember enjoying chatting for hours with villagers in wild world, I got tired out quicker with new leaf but it was still pretty fun chatting with everyone; but here they all have like 4 things to say and its a bit sad. It doesn’t feel like there's extra dialogue for when you get close with a villager, there aren’t as many games to play with them, even at festivals they’ve been pretty bland. It just sucks because I was so looking forward to it, and the intro to the game really hit home cause it really played into the whole ‘starting a new life in a new land’ kind of deal, and I got the keys to my apartment on the same day, so it was a pretty cool moment. 

I dunno, this is mostly complaining, there are things I like about the game, but theres a lot thats just pretty shit tbh. I expected better, especially because they pushed back the release from 2019 to 2020. Also oh my god fuck the flower breeding, I don’t want to spend hours crawling through various strategy guides trying to figure out the exact genetic makeup of my flowers just because I want a blue rose. I have put this game down and not played for quite a while cause of all my grievances, I also had a lot of trouble getting to my friend’s villages online so I only really did local play with my sister lol. I’m probably going to pick it up again soon, I plan on gifting a copy to my youngest sister so we can play online together when she gets her switch, so I’ll see all the updates that have happened over the second half of the year in one go and hopefully have a bit more fun than my first impression. 

To try tl;dr this; I’m not a fan of the way this feels like the mobile game, with drip fed content and kinda bare minimum stuff to do when previous games feel way more fun. I’ve felt more nostalgic to play ww or nl on my ds instead of picking up nh on switch, so I feel like something’s gone a bit wrong here lol. Still a pretty decent game and looks nice, but unless you’re really into these kinds of boring games, and maybe if you don’t care as much as I clearly do, it’s still worth playing. 

Some of the songs are pretty nice too, though wild world soundtrack will always and forever be the best one :P

12 PM https://youtu.be/xs4FJOvLPC8

5 PM https://youtu.be/uLtJIPu-Cns

Phase 6 (Rain) https://youtu.be/9JzOGqWbpmE

~~~

Paper Mario: Sticker Star

Let me preface this by saying, I knew it was this shitty one when I bought it. It was on sale and I was cautious about Origami King coming out, so I thought, fuck it, I’ll play the shitty one and then I’ll at least be pleasantly surprised at worst when I play the new one. 

It’s a pretty bland setup; bowser bad, stole something, use stickers, toads are everywhere. I really felt the lack of storyline, it was a little sad but honestly I expected it so I wasn’t that disappointed. There was still a few really fun and witty dialogues from the toads, so I’m glad that’s an important enough staple to still carry that humour. I only cleared like two or three worlds I think, before origami king came out and I played it instead. I might go back and continue playing cause I’ll admit, I’m curious as to how it pans out, but I’m also honestly not that invested.

Oh, I should also mention in the Egyptian level there are like. Human toads and human koopas. As enemies and murals on the wall. They were deeply unsettling and the cause of a lot of yelling at friends and forcing them to see that shit. Like, look at this. What the fuck

Overall, just a lame spin off feeling game, I wouldn’t really class it as a main entry cause it is so lackluster, but tbh it wasn’t as miserable as I thought it’d be to play. It just feels a bit empty, but it is also on ds lol. So.. it’s fine. I also enjoyed the soundtrack, it has moments where it sounds clearly inspired by pm64 and superpm. It’s not so bad, so if anything I’d be interested to hear the rest of the soundtrack in context too. 4/10 would not recommend, just read a wiki on it if you’re genuinely interested. I’m taking this bullet for all of us.

Decalburg https://youtu.be/tUpbaJePhLo

Intermission https://youtu.be/c9HJTxl15VQ

A Thousand Miles Away https://youtu.be/q4hC7X-fu4g

~~~

Paper Mario: Origami King

I preordered this game and got a cute origami set to actually fold myself. I like folding origami, so it was really fun to fold the characters while I finished up my last online uni class of the day before I was able to boot up and play for myself. I wanted to go in playing with an open mind, and feeling ready to appreciate anything that even vaguely resembled what I wanted (esp after playing sticker star lmao) 

Honestly? Not disappointed at all! This was a genuinely enjoyable game to play, had quite a few nice emotional beats and it was a gorgeous world to explore. It definitely feels more action-adventure than rpg, but I think that’s just the style paper mario is going in whether I like it or not. The turn based battle system (haha get it, cause its turn based, and you base your attacks on how you turn the staghea heahaa funnyyyy) it was a fun lil gimmick but it made me yearn for the battle stages of the first two games (haheheeee cauhsse yureee on a stagggheee) Honestly I think this battle system shines with the boss battles the most, having to turn the stage around to navigate it more akin to a snakes and ladders setup in order to land an attack on the boss was actually really fun once I got the hang of it. There is a training stage to get good at both regular and boss battles, but tbh trying to figure out the best methods to hit enemies in normal battles just became a brain-tired and I didn’t feel like solving the puzzle. I always gave it a genuine shot for the first few times encountering enemies, but honestly in late game I just paid the toads to kick their asses for me lol. 

Speaking of the toads, you have to rescue like, a fuck tonne of them. They’re literally everywhere. Its great tbh. They all had something to say and it often made me chuckle, so it was always well worth saving them to return them to their homes. 

Like most the pm games, theres a big baddie that get a big cool thing/powers that control everything, and you go through various worlds to undo the damage done until you confront the baddie at the end. One thing I really liked about this was that, with Boswer not being the enemy, you get to interact with the normal mario enemies we know and love, and get to love them more. It was really nice finding the hidden cafes and ordering a drink to chat with the minions, as every good pm game should be, it was just delightful chatting with all the npcs. I love that the classic dry wit and often sarcastic humour bled through into this game so thoroughly, it really gives life to the whole thing and eased my worries about being a cranky old gamer with a nostalgia boner for the classics. It feels like a pm game despite being a very different and unique game in the series, and despite it not really retaining as much of the rpg elements as I would’ve liked, it was a really nice game to play.

There are actually characters that join your party in this game! I was in such shock and delight that they’d brought that back; albeit not fully. Without spoiling too much, the party members are kinda limited to their chapters/sections, so while it would’ve been awesome to have permanent party members to swap out depending on how you want to navigate, it was nice that they added them at all when they’d been steadily phased out of the series. The only thing I will be a bit cranky about is that they’re pretty much useless in battle, they seem to have what feels like a 75% chance of fumbling their attack and missing, so its not worth relying on them to help out really. Other than that, the party members added some great depth to the game and helped really add character. They’re not as iconic as some of the party members in the first two games, but they’re still very loveable and I enjoyed having them join me on this journey.

Have I mentioned that the game is gorgeous? Cause it really is. While its not really the pop-up-storybook aesthetic the early games had, and really focuses on the whole paper thing, this game feels as though it utilised the origami aspect and the sets feel like paper mache dioramas, so it still has a strong visual charm which is lovely! The places you go to as well… I really loved the autumn mountain and shogun studios, and the desert+sniff city at night were really pretty. The music is awesome too, I enjoyed the full effect of my nice tv speakers I saved up for to get when I got my tv, everything sounds fantastic! Well worth getting your favourite headphones and listening to them. 

Before I go on and ramble on and on about how pleasantly surprised I was at this game, I’ll just leave it at that. I was pleasantly surprised, and will definitely replay at least a few times when I have that paper mario itch. 

Here’s some bangers:

Toad Town in Trouble https://youtu.be/kGv-4THIwjg

Autumn Mountain https://youtu.be/h-xnSuonaZw

Sniff City https://youtu.be/BZxhlRLjlOY

~~~

Everbody’s Golf (PS2)

I’m not a sporty person in general, I don’t even really enjoy playing sporty video games. But this? This was an iconic part of my childhood. And I’ve been playing it a lot recently. As I kid I didn’t understand how to unlock more characters and courses to play, but now that I’m not a stupid kid anymore, I’ve been steadily playing to unlock all the characters and shit cause I genuienly adore this game. Apart from farming sims like stardew and harvest moon, THIS is my go-to game for relaxing. 

The early stages, soundtracks and characters are so ingrained into my memory, that even when I found a second hand copy online last year and bought it, I still remembered everything, and it’s just as fun as it was back then. My roommate knows that I’m not sporty at all, and she told me she was thinking ‘Wow, Rads playing a sporting golf game? That feels a bit out of character, but it he likes it…” - and then she saw what it was, and described it perfectly. It’s a dumb anime golf game. And it’s the best.

I put this here because it’s awesome and I have been playing it a lot recently while in lockdown, and because I actually found someone on youtube that had the soundtrack. They’re all the extended versions, but here are some of the themes that I could probably hum by memory if prompted.

Mt Sakura C.C. https://youtu.be/izbThUSB8W8

Mini Golf 1 https://youtu.be/BwcCGW2rSvA

Character Select https://youtu.be/Gk90vCnuWJc

~~~

Everybody’s Golf (PS4)

Well, it’s the newest iteration of the game I loved as a kid, and it was really cheap if I bought the disc only online since it wasn’t the VR version, so ofc I got it. 

I was literally speechless when I boot up the game and hear Owl City first thing, I fucking love Owl City and I know I don’t really check up on the music as much as I should but I didn’t know this was a thing lmao?? https://youtu.be/TEfCCPEX8oY

/for context, this is the ps2 intro… really makes you wanna play anime golf mmmm https://youtu.be/MUPhWQ3fe38

Tbh this was a bit of a lame golf game… I mean its a golf game they’re all kinda lame, but I dunno, on PS2 it had a certain charm with all the characters you could select and play as, along with the courses all having some kind of uniqueness. Also, PS2 had not one but two mini golf courses, and a nice lil par3 course of fun and short holes. This one? Nothing of the sort.

It just kinda.. Is that you play really long courses and rack up points lol. It feels a bit sad without minigolf and shit, it is fun making your own character to play as, but I dunno I feel like it’d be better to have that create-a-characer ALONGSIDE the classic golf characters we know and love. 

Also, honestly the soundtrack is nothing special. It’s nice enough, but I would mute it and put on podcasts or albums I wanted to listen to instead. Just listen to Owl City

Eagle City G.C. https://youtu.be/OkSwUweo7cM

~~~

Flower

Another game played out of nostalgia. My dad got a PS3 when our DVD player died, and really we only used it as DVD/Netflix on the TV, but one of the games he did get on there was the Journey Collectors Edition, which had Flower. 

It’s a very simple game, you are a single flower petal flowing in the wind, blowing over other flowers in the hope that they bloom. Its very relaxing and simple, and I played it when I was really not doing well with the pandemic and living alone during the worst of the lockdowns. Doing creative works that require some form of portfolio work when I can’t even leave my apartment to see my family, that really sucked ass. But, as much as I wanted to play Resident Evil, I held off to have it as a congratulatory game when I finished Uni for the year. Which is why I played the shit out of flower while I got to the final assessments of the year.

I don’t really have much more to say about this, other than its a very nice and relaxing game, and it was nice and relaxing during a time when I felt incredibly shitty and stressed. 

Life as a Flower https://youtu.be/uL1zvhZzxeM 

Sailing on the Wind https://youtu.be/4n-UpQJ6gRI

Peaceful Repose https://youtu.be/WN5jRb2ADto

~~~

Chrono Trigger: Crimson Echoes

...I should’ve just played normal trigger. This rom hack is a nightmare. Ok it’s not that bad, there have been a lot of things that I genuinely (want to) enjoy. 

I don’t really know where to begin with this one. I started playing in my discord just to see the extent of what this is, with the sole goal of getting further than where I got as a kid. I got further, I’m almost done in fact, but I have to do so much grinding cause there is no way to beat the boss without seemingly maxing out everyone because the battles are so ridiculously unbalanced. 

Tbh, I have a whole lot to say about this rom hack, and although I didn’t really like it, I still liked it? I have a whole essay of incoherent thoughts stored in my brain, and one day I’ll talk about this more in depth. Without being too disrespectful, don’t play this game. I took the bullet for you all again, and I will continue shooting myself in the foot as I plan on recording footage of it again to make a video essay on it eventually, please wish me luck, I’ll genuinely need it lmao.

For songs… just go listen to the entire chrono trigger soundtrack, yasunori mitsuda will always and forever be a personal hero of mine and he did an amazing job on this soundtrack. You can hear the passion and hard work he put into it, which surprisingly is something this rom hack has in common. As much as I dislike a lot of the decisions made in this game, I have the utmost respect for the team that just sat down and made what they wanted to. There are some genuinely cool things that really show the passion these guys had, like making entire new animated sprites to put in the game. I will grumble and moan and try to be respectful in the same breath about this another time, so just go play normal chrono trigger. 

~~~

Harvest Moon: Tale of Two Towns

Well. You saw my Stardew review. This is another farming game I like to play because it’s cute and I don’t have to use my brain. I’ve been playing this on my DS during summer cause I’m exhausted from moving house for the third time this year, and just wanna marry pretty boy Cam again. He likes flowers and cats and wears a purple hat and I fucking LOVE him. 

That is all I care to say, this is a really cute hm game so fuck yeah. 

Bluebell Town https://youtu.be/Zm0skaRnpeA

Konohana Town https://youtu.be/bDjOTuveJ8U

Music Festival https://youtu.be/QLAfmB7T-jE

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 121

Chapter 121: Peek-A-Boo Pan

When we got home, after the party, I notice dad looked funny. As mom started making dinner, I couldn’t help look at dad. “Is something the matter kiddo?” I told him that he looks off. “I feel off.” Maybe you should lie down. Uh? He didn’t respond. “Maybe I should lie down for a bit.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“Uh?” He looked at me confused. “When did you say that? I didn’t hear you say anything.” Oh no!

“Dad?” Now I’m worried. I quickly reached over to him, and touched his forehead. “You’re not running a fever. Usually mom, and Gohan can’t hear me when they have a fever.” I then looked at him more closely. “And your aura around you is like fading in and out. And it’s all muddy gray.” At first, he looked confused, and then he looked worried. “Dad. Something wrong. We have to tell mom. Maybe she could make you better.” But he just shook his head, and said not to worry about this. That maybe it’s nothing big. “But dad.” He just covered my mouth and shook his head.

“Let’s not worry your mom. Ok?” This isn’t good. Dad needs to tell mom. As we sat for dinner, it was clear something was wrong with dad. He didn’t even finish eating his usual amount. He didn’t eat half of what he normally eats. See. I told dad to just tell mom. Now she’s more worried than if he just told her from the start. Now, she’s going about who could they ask to find out what’s wrong with dad. Even though mom is trying to stay calm, it’s clear she’s extremely worried about dad. Then they finally come up with asking King Kai for help. Since King Kai would know more about stuff than Vegeta. With that, dad left. Now me and mom stood up waiting, and hoping it was nothing serious.

I just started falling asleep on mom’s lap, when a loud crush woke me up. The moment I woke up, I had to stop stuff from falling on mom. We soon made our way outside, and I was still feeling sleepy. I then heard mom screaming at dad about the destroyed house. Uh? The house is destroyed? I looked behind me. What you know, the house was destroyed. Kind of grateful I started that habit of putting all my things in capsule form. Never know when I’ll be sleeping over Trunks, or Gohan’s place. Mom would let me, so, it’s convenient to always be ready. Now to deal with mom screaming at dad, till they figured out what to do. I’m too tired to deal with this.

Before long, they had reached out to Gohan. Thankful bro let us crush at his place, and we’ll be cleaning up the mess another day. Somehow, I’m grateful we don’t live in the city. We could take our time with cleaning all this. When we got to Gohan’s place, I just went straight to my usual room, I crush in, when I sleep over. Before I went to the room, I overheard that we will be babysitting my niece tomorrow. Something about Piccolo having something to do, and my brother having some from of meeting. Whatever. I just want sleep now. I’ll deal with the emotions of what’s going on tomorrow. Today was too draining.

…

After a few tries, and getting yelled at by Bulma and Vegeta, I finally made it to King Kai’s. Before I could get a word in, he started laughing. “I’m surprised you even made me it.”

“You knew I was coming?”

“Kinda. Ok. So, what seems to be the problem?” After I told him what was wrong. He went about what I usually go through with a doctor. He then tells me how I have delay onset ki disorder. After he explain what it was, it was worse than I thought. I really pushed myself too hard during my fight with Hit. I even pushed myself during my fight with Monaka. King Kai says that disorder usually shows up a few days after, but the fact it came sooner is probably due to me over doing it too soon. This is bad. I really need to take it easy, or I’ll never be able to fight again.

The bad part now is getting back to earth. Hopefully I’ll get lucky and be somewhere nearby, that I could walk the rest of the way. Just my luck. I’m on an island super far from home. I’m kind of stuck here, unless I fly. But that seems like a lot of work, but gotta do it. Oh Dende! It’s like the first time I was learning to drive a car. “How do I stop?!” I was trying to land pass my home, but instead I crashed through it. When I finally did stop, I looked behind me to witness a very angry wife. “Hi honey.” I soon got an earful, before we called Gohan. Thankfully, he said we could stay and he even came to pick us up.

Once we got his place, Goten went to his usual room. Poor guy; he’s exhausted. I told Chichi, and Gohan what King Kai told me. They both seem very worried. So, looks like I’ll be out of commission for some time. Would everyone be able to handle themselves if something came up. Once again, I’m left in the sidelines because of my health. Man, why does this keeps happening?

I was so lost in thought; I didn’t even realize that something was touching my face. It took me a moment, and then I saw that Pan was in my face. How could I not smile when she’s smiling like that? I couldn’t help grab her, and hold her close. This cute little girl looks so happy. I then overheard Gohan telling Chichi if we could babysit Pan tomorrow. “Yes!” They both looked at me surprised. Then they went back to talking amongst themselves, and I went back to focusing on the little one, in my arms.

So small, and cute. I’ve seen Trunks as a baby, but the last time I held one was when Gohan was a baby. That was so long along. I couldn’t help poke Pan’s cheeks. She’s so small and adorable. Never thought I would be alive to hold a baby again. At that, my own grandchild. I started to make silly faces, and enjoy her giggles. Even lightly tickled her little belly. Hearing her laugh is so wonderful. Usually when I visit, Chichi usually carries her. When I do, I just get lost in her smiles. It’s so hard for me to let go. I just can’t help it. She’s so small, and holding her reminds me of a time were everything was right with the world.

I couldn’t stop playing with her. But the moment I heard a click, I looked up. “Did you two just take a picture of me?”

“Yes. You look so cute playing with Pan.” I just got up and walked away, with Pan at hand. As I walked around, I bumped into Piccolo, and he tried to take Pan from me. He tried telling me how I don’t know how to take care of a baby. How dare he! I’m in no mood for this. I know how to care for a baby. I did just fine with Gohan. I held Pan more protectively, as I walked past him. As I continued walking, I couldn’t stop staring down at her. My little granddaughter has so much ahead of her in life, and currently her grandpa isn’t able to keep her safe. If I don’t heal, and I could never fight again, how would I keep her safe. That made me sad, and I hugged her closer to my chest.

“Sweet little Pan. Grandpa promise to get better, so he can keep you safe. Grandpa will make sure you grow up only knowing peace. You also have your daddy to keep you safe, but you also have me, and your uncle Goten.” I then poked her little nose. “Besides, grandpa would do anything for you.” The more I say those worlds the more I remember about my own grandpa. Remembering all the happy times, and everything he ever taught me. I poked her nose again. “I’m going to be the best grandpa ever.” I then felt a tap on my shoulder. When I look, it was Piccolo again.

He suggested to sit on the roof. I told him I currently can’t fly. Then he let me know he’ll gladly help. With that, we were on the roof, looking at stars. Awe, does Pan likes the shiny stars? She even tries to grab them. She’s so cute. I ended playing airplane with her. “Papa. Papa.” That made me a little sad.

“No Pan. Grandpa. Grandpa.” I kept playing airplane with her. She’s so full of giggles. Before long, with some help from Piccolo, we got off the roof, and went inside. Once inside, come to find out that everyone, but Gohan, had went to bed. Even Pan was sleeping in my arms. When Gohan made a motion to take her, I got really defensive. “I’ll put her to bed.”

“Dad.”

“Please.” He looked very shock, but then lead me to her nursery. Once I set her down to sleep, I couldn’t stop staring at her. After a while, I finally left the room and went to join Chichi. Once there, I was slightly upset that she was already asleep. Trying not to wake her, I laid down. When I did is when I really started thinking about my current situation. I’m so weak and pretty much helpless. I currently can’t even keep my family safe. If something comes up, and I’m force to fight, it’ll be the very last one. What am I without my strength? What good am I being so powerless?

My strength was something I thought would never change. I knew I could always lose the people around me. So, I depended on my strength to keep them close. I look over to Chichi. Chichi. My Chichi. She always wanted me to finally stop fighting, and training so much. She always wanted me to settled down and be a normal husband, father, and grandpa. But I was never normal. Sometimes I wonder if she fully accepted that, or if she just stopped trying. I know she always wants us to be safe. She even wants me to be safe. She cares so much, and I always make her worried with all the training and fighting. Maybe in a way, she got her wish. Maybe, not in the way she wanted, but she got herself a normal husband for a change. Huff. I just turned away from her.

Chichi loves me for me. I know that. So, why I’m I thinking she’ll be happier with the fact that I can’t fight? And not with the fact I choose to stop fighting? It hurts thinking that. I’m currently hurt, and I’m making her worry. That’s all that’s currently happening. Once I’m better she’ll be happy again. I just know it. What if I don’t get better? We won’t be able to do all the things we enjoy doing. And I’m not talking what happens when we’re alone. I won’t be able to fly with her. or go super sayian 3, when she wants to play with my long hair. Even though I hate that, but it makes her happy. I won’t be able to a lot of things, that I didn’t realize I used my powers for. Just thinking of that, makes me sad. I need to get better. If not because I want to fight again, I’ll get better for Chichi. With that last thought, I finally feel asleep.

When I woke up, the next morning, I woke to being hugged by Chichi. She also was crying. I hugged her, and rubbed her back, in hopes to calm her down. but it didn’t seem to work. It actually made her cry more. “Are you ok?” Uh? Why did she ask me that? I told her I was fine. “No. Don’t lie to me.” She cried harder.

“But Chichi.” I tried to wipe her tears away, but they kept falling. She then kissed me. I try to kiss her back, but something was off.

“See. You’re not fine.” She buried her face in my chest, and continued crying. It took a while for her to calm down, and when she did, she still looked sad. “You stay in bed. I’ll get you some breakfast, and I’ll get Pan.” Before I could say anything, she left. Once she was gone, I felt my lips. That kiss didn’t feel like our usual kiss. It felt weird, and different. Before I could ponder anymore, Chichi came in with Pan. “Looks who got a big smile for grandpa.” Pan was all giggly and reaching out.

I couldn’t stop smiling, as I reached out for her. “Come her you.” The moment I had her in my hands I poked her little nose. I was about to get out of bed, but Chichi told me to stop. “Why?”

“Goku, you need to rest. So, that means you’re staying in bed, all day.” When she said all day, I thought the world just stopped. I knew I need rest, but it never crossed my mind that I would have to stay in bed.

“Please Chichi. I’m just going to walk around. Nothing big.”

“No. Now keep an eye on Pan, while I make breakfast.” With that she left the room, and I was left with Pan. As sad as I was, I couldn’t stop smiling around the little one. I placed her on my lap, and covered my face, with my hands.

“Peek-a-boo.” She started laughing. “Peek-a-boo.” She kept laughing every time I did so. So cute. I then started making silly faces and tickling her. She was full of endless giggles. Soon Chichi came back with a tray of food for me, and a bottle for Pan. Before Chichi could take Pan, I tried to stop her. “I want to feed Pan.” She gave me sweet smile, and said fine. She even ended up feeding me, while I feed Pan. It was such a nice moment. Till Chichi mention I should get some rest, and was about to take Pan. “Please.”

“Goku. What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You been all over Pan the moment she was placed in your hands. Is something wrong, Goku?”

I just looked at the bubbly little girl in my arms, before looking back a Chichi. “I just… I don’t know. Something about holding a baby feels good. Last time I even held, or taken care, of one was with Gohan, and that was a very long time ago. I wasn’t even alive to hold Goten. So, could you really blame me for wanted to enjoy the experience all over again? Since the day you told me we could make children, it was a very enjoyable thought. Then witnessing Gohan grow in you, and experiencing all the ups and down of raising a child was very enjoyable. Especially with you by my side. The year before you got pregnant with Goten, I thought you were pregnant again. So, I waited to see what happened, and hope it was true. You wasn’t, and it made me sad. But then, the second time I thought you were pregnant, I wanted to make sure. I wasn’t only trying to give you a baby for you. I… I… I also wanted another child.” With that I looked away from her.

Remembering all those times in otherworld, on how much it hurt that I couldn’t be there for my second child. I couldn’t hold them. Couldn’t see them grow. Couldn’t be there. Couldn’t enjoy watching my family grow. It hurt so much. That whenever I saw or heard about a family, I would leave in fits of rage. I wanted my family so bad. But I also wanted to protect them. The only thought that made the pain go numb was how staying away meant they would live peaceful. Me staying away meant they’ll grow up without having to deal with any hardships I come with. My family is safe. But I still wanted to be there so bad.

Getting another chance was the best thing to happen to me. I even wanted to try for a third child, since I couldn’t experience Goten. But finding out that Chichi couldn’t have anymore hurt me. I lost that chance, and it hurt. But it was ok. I came into Goten life almost at the I came back from space for Gohan. I got my chance to still be a father, but it’s not the same. Even though, Goten is my child, it’s not the same watching them grew from birth. But I made peace with it. Nothing I could change.

Then came Pan. She’s my granddaughter. I might not have been around through it all, since it’s not my place. But the little moments I got I couldn’t pull away. It felt so magical to get those little moments. Chichi still got to experience holding and caring for a baby. I didn’t. Pan might not be MY daughter, but she’s MY granddaughter, and so I’m going to be pouring very ounce of my love, the same way I would give to my own children. I might not be able to father more children, and my kids are slowly leaving me, but I sure as hell going to make sure I be there for all of Pan’s little moments. I won’t only promise her I would keep her safe, I also will promise her that I will always, and forever, be around. That whenever she needs me, I will be there.

I then finally looked back at Chichi, and she’s tearing up. Oh no. I made Chichi crying. Before I could say anything, she hugged me. “I’m sorry, Goku.”

“Why are you sorry? Nothing is your fault.” She kissed my forehead, and told me to just take a nap with Pan, as she clean the dishes. “Are you ok?”

She poked my nose. “Stop worrying about me. You’re the one who’s not ok. Get some rest sweetie.” Before I could say anything, she already started leaving the room. Maybe taking a nap won’t be so bad. I got Pan with me. Oh, how wrong I was. The moment I felt something was off, I opened my eyes to see Pan wasn’t with me. In a panic I got out of bed, and looked all over the room. But no sign of her anywhere. I quickly tried to find Chichi, and tell her I can’t find Pan. That’s when I saw that Goten was here. No time to wonder about that. “What you mean Pan’s missing?” And that’s when Piccolo showed up. Now we’re in big trouble.

After getting an earful from him, we went on to search for Pan. As we searched for her, I couldn’t help feel this deep sense of uselessness. I can’t sense her; I can’t do what I normally do when Gohan used to leave Chichi’s sites. Oh, how that boy used to make us panic whenever we stopped watching him for just a second. Pan is definitely like her daddy. Giving me and Chichi a heart attack trying to find her. “PAN!” Where are you?

We looked everywhere outside, and no sign of her. We then chose to recheck inside. To our surprise, she was taking a nap on the couch. That little trouble maker is going be the death of me. We stood around her, watching the cute little thing sleep. The moment she woke up, I almost fought Piccolo to carry her. Even though I am nowhere able to actually fight, I would do it in a heartbeat for Pan. Thankfully, Chichi got in the way, and gave her to me. The rest of the day I helped take care of her. And whenever someone tried to take her from me, I got really sad.

When Gohan finally came home, our little Pan practically flew to him. Seeing what Gohan told me first hand was so wonderful. Even with the news that Gohan turned down a job opportunity, he was happy on the basis that he will be there for Pan. Which is always a good thing in my book. All I could ask is for him to be happy, no matter what. Then something amazing happened. Pan started to reach out in my direction, and then said something magical. “Grampa. Grampa.” I was just so trilled to hear my little granddaughter call me grandpa. I just didn’t know what to do. Then she flew into me, and I just couldn’t stop hugging her. “Grampa!”

The moment was so wonderful, I couldn’t stop smiling. After what felt like a short time, it was time to go to bed. I still wanted to continue holding Pan, but it was ok. I’ll get more chances. That night I couldn’t stop holding Chichi. Something about that whole little moment just lifted my spirit, and it was hard to come back down. I even was giving Chichi a lot of kisses all over her face. “Goku, are you happy?” I kissed her nose. “Is it because Pan called you grampa?” I kissed her lips. “You big softy. I’m happy too. But you still have to take it easy for now.” I gave her another kiss on her lips.

“I understand. Pan is so cute when she smiles.”

“Goku?” I looked at her. “I’m sorry that we can’t have any more children.”

“It’s ok. We always knew that there was a high chance we would only have Gohan. The fact we have Goten is a blessing. I just wish I was there through it all. So, don’t worry. Besides.” She looked up at me. “We have the best boys in all the known universe, and the best granddaughter, too. The fact we have any children is also a big plus. And I’m happy that they’re ours.” She smiled at me, and then we shared a kiss. Now this one felt just right, compared to this morning’s kiss. The rest of the night was just snuggles. The next morning, Chichi and I went to the doctors. Turns out Chichi made an appointment for me.

…

After screaming at Goku, for becoming a reckoning ball, I called on Gohan. Thankfully he didn’t mind us coming over, and he even picked us up. I really didn’t want to rely on my son, but I didn’t have much choice. I would hate to see my father and Goku argue again, over a recked home. Even in his old age, my father still is over protective of me. I find that funny sometimes. I’m a mother, and a grandmother, but my father still sees me as his little princess. Can’t be helped. I still see my boys as my little babies, and I’ll always be overprotective of them.

As Gohan drove us to his home, Goku looked really down. Poor guy. I wonder what King Kai said. I also noticed how Goten had fallen asleep hugging Goku’s arm. He must be really worried about his father. He even mumbles. “Everything is going to be ok, daddy.” I really hope he’s right. I think Goku thinks too, if that smile is anything to go by. When we make it to Gohan’s place, it took some time to wake Goten. When he did, he practically floated to his usually room. I’m so worried about Goku, I don’t even correct him.

When we gathered in the living room, is when we asked Goku what King Kai said. My poor Goku. Nothing being to fight anymore sounds horrible. For him not being able to do anything he’s use to is more of a punishment than an illness. My poor husband. Just then Videl walks into the room with Pan. My Goku is so lost in thought, and I assume he currently can’t sense anything either. Because right now Videl has Pan in his face, and he has yet to react to her. It’s when she touches his face, does he finally look up. At the sight of her, he smiles, and takes her from Videl.

Watching him play with Pan is always a joy to see, but this feels different. He looks so happy to play with Pan, and it’s so adorable. Our dear granddaughter is making her grandpa so happy during his time of hurt. The way he’s playing with her it almost seems like the times he played with Gohan as a baby. Thankfully I learned the habit of having my phone always on me. And when I took it out, it seems I wasn’t the only one with the same idea. When he heard the click of the camera, he looked at us surprised. It was so cute. And when Gohan asked if we could babysit Pan, Goku responded with a strong yes. It was always wonderful to see him take interest in caring for children. But I’m starting to wonder if there’s something else he’s not saying.

After watching him go with Pan, I continued talking with Gohan. This was just awful for his father, and I feel so useless in not knowing how I could help. “Mom, calm down. If King Kai said all he need is rest, then that’s all we could do.”

“I know, but I can’t help it. Your father just loves to fight, and taking that away is just awful. I know I complain a lot about all the fighting and training, but this is much worse.” I couldn’t hold back from crying. “It’s one thing to ask for him to stop. It’s something different that it’s being forced on him.” Gohan looked very shock and worried.

“Mom.”

“I love your father and all that he is. I would never ask for him to change that. And he knows it. But to see him go through this is just to painful to watch. My poor Goku.” He reached out for my shoulder. When I looked up, he was giving me the same smile he inherited from his father.

“It’ll be ok mom. Just give it time.” With that, I made a mental note to contact Goku’s doctor in the morning. I known this thing is affecting his ki, but maybe his body too. Memories of that heart virus starts to play in my head. My Goku was dying. Even when he beat it, he was still pushing it. If he did survive the Cell Games, how long would it have taken before his heart would have finally gave out? That question still troubles my mind.

As I waited for Goku to come to bed, I couldn’t help continuing having thoughts of how hurt my Goku is. Before long I was thrifting to sleep, till I heard the door open. Maybe it was Gohan, checking up on my again. That thought went away when I felt someone slowly getting into bed. It was probably Goku. He tends to do that when I already fell asleep. But I’m not asleep. Oh, right. He can’t tell. What am I supposed to do? Before long I felt him turning, and that broke me. He always hugged me when we go to bed. Even when he gets to bed after me; he still pulls me into his embrace. This is much worse than I imagine. What am I going to do?

I couldn’t hold back my tears, as I quietly sobbed. My poor husband. Before long, I turned around and hugged him. I held him all night. I just couldn’t sleep. My husband needs me, and yet I’m so useless. Come morning, I was still holding him and crying. My poor dear husband. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to make you all better? Before long I feel him embrace me. And it made me cry even more. “Are you ok?” He tried telling me he’s fine, when I know he’s not. “No. Don’t lie to me.” I just cried even harder.

“But Chichi.” I just couldn’t take it, so I kissed him. He reacted super slow. Even when I surprise him sometimes, he never reacted so slow. Also, the way it felt wasn’t like him.

“See. You’re not fine.” I just hugged him tighter, and continued crying. My husband is really hurt, in more ways than one. I can’t even hear his thoughts, or feel his emotions. It’s like we disconnected, and it hurts so much. My wonderful husband is hurt, and as his wife I need to do everything I can to make him better. I finally stopped crying. I need to be strong for my Goku. I told him to stay in bed, while I get Pan and make him breakfast. With new motivation, I got to work.

Once I gave him Pan, I reminded him that he needs to stay put. Of course, he doesn’t want to stay in bed. Same old Goku. Once that was settled, I went to make him and Goten some breakfast. I let Goten know he didn’t have to go to school today. He asked why. “I’m going to need help keeping a watchful eye on your father, and Pan.” He started to laughed, and agreed. I made sure to make lots, and hope that Goku was super hungry. But to play safe, I only took a small portion with me. When I went to take Pan, for her bottle, Goku insisted he feed her. “Goku, what’s wrong?” He asked what I meant. “You been all over Pan, the moment she was placed in your hands. Is something wrong, Goku?”

He looked so ashamed of himself as he spoke. “I wasn’t only trying to give you a baby for you. I… I… I also wanted another child.” With that he looked away, and I was in complete shock. It hurt him, more than he let on, when I told him I couldn’t have anymore children. How could I have been so blind to not see that? Why didn’t I see that he was hurt by that fact? No wonder he was clingy to Goten, when Gohan moved out. Goku was hurting more ways than one. Another thing I failed as a wife. Again, I failed to see my husband’s pain. Another wave of tears started to fall. No wonder he’s so attached to Pan. Not only because she’s his granddaughter, but also because he’s around to witness it all.

I feel so guilty to not be able to give my husband another baby. This man who done nothing but give me his all, and ask for so little in return. This man who died to protect our sons. This man who do absolutely everything in his power for his family, and I can’t even give him his simplest desire. Why do I keep failing my husband? The moment he looked at me, I felt so broken inside. My voice cracked as I tried to apologize. “I’m sorry, Goku.”

“Why are you apologizing? Nothing is your fault.” I just couldn’t contain myself, and hugged him. I married the sweetest man in the world. “Are you ok?” There he goes again, trying to comfort me. I don’t deserve him. I try telling him to take a nap, while I did the dishes. I even left Pan with him. Before I start the dishes, I made a quick call to his doctor. What luck. He’ll be able to see Goku tomorrow. At that, I didn’t know the hospital was open on a Saturday. He told me it wasn’t, but he’ll make a special case for my husband. I was so grateful. With that said, I started the dishes. I even had Goten’s help, then panic hit.

We then went on a search for precious Pan. She gave us such a heart attack, and when we found her inside, we were so happy. The moment she woke up, Piccolo tried to go after her, but I wasn’t having it. I quickly got in the way of the boys, and got Pan, then I handed her to Goku. Piccolo gave me a confused face, but then dropped it. Then when Gohan got home, Pan floated to him. It was so cute. But the moment Pan said grandpa everything was perfect. The joy on Goku’s face was priceless. And then when Pan floated to him, it was just so amazing. Pretty soon it was bed time, and Goku got the pleasure of putting Pan to bed.

When Goku entered our temporary room, he pulled me into a hug. And when we laid down, he couldn’t stop kissing me. “You big softy. I’m happy too. But you still have to take it easy for now.” He smiled as he told me he understood. “I’m sorry we can’t have any more children.” He forgives me. I don’t deserve this man. We then shared a kiss, and it felt just perfect. It was starting to feel my husband was getting better.

-----------------

Ch120

[superhero--imagines]

A/N: Sorry, but this has been living in my brain rent free too, my commission info is here

* Honey if you’re tall with a big butt-

* You’ve got his heart the second he lays eyes on you

* Like everything he is and everything he will be -

* Baby you can have it all if you’ll agree to be his

* If you’re not tall with a big butt, well don’t worry Yuuji’s still going to adore you it just takes a little time

* It’s not so much because he doesn’t think your smoking hot or anything-

* It’s just, well, Yuji’s kinda dumb

* So anyone outside of his immediate go-to type, it just doesn’t register in his brain

* You can bet your ass he’ll say dumb crap like-

* “Friends can hold hands right?”

* Or

* “Friends kiss sometimes, no big deal!”

* But don’t worry babe, it might take a little while, but eventually he’ll notice all these feelings he’s been categorizing as “friendly” feelings and “positive” feelings are actually Romantic feelings

* Once he finally figures it out, you won’t have to wait long-

* “Oi, (Y/N/N), want to be my lover?”

* Like seriously, not even a second after he has this ‘monumental’ realization

* After that things are pretty easy between you two

* It’s not like much has changed, he’s still your friend, and he doesn’t act any different-

* You guys were holding hands and, apparently, kissing before you were officially dating

* It’s not even that he’s greedy with the way he touches you or anything-

* I think the only thing that does change is that Yuji makes an effort to spend more time with you

* “Oi, wanna go to Shibuya this weekend? There’s a Taiyaki store I’m dying to go too”

* He makes an effort to spend time with you even when he’s not around, like sending you texts and voicemails when he’s away

* Part of the reason he’s so insistent on spending as much time with you as possible is probably because he’s not sure how much time he has left

* I think, Yuji is a really simple guy who sees the good in everyone, so he’s also kind of attracted to anyone given the right circumstances

* But I think, he especially wants someone compassionate

* Someone who will hold him during depressive episodes where he’ll wonder- what if I hadn’t joined the occult club? What if he had played track like everyone wanted? What if he had just minded his own business

* What if Megumi hadn’t followed him to the hospital that day, how different would his life be right now

* And it’s the same regret and remorse that fuels his cursed energy, but for some reason it feels like it’s magnified right now

* It feels like he might drown in this despair

* During those days you just hold him, whispering good things about the world.

* Soft things that’ll help him right now-

* Something to give him hope

* “Hot tea on a cold day” you whisper

* “The feeling of basking in sunlight after a cloudy day”

* There’s a moment of silence as you think of something else to say

* “The smell of rain, and fresh cut grass” he’ll mumble back, and you grin

* “Getting Taiyaki in Shibuya with someone you love” you reply with a grin

* “With ice cream filling and boba?”

* You laugh, what a weird combination

* “Anything you want”

* Yuji’s not the one that’s hard to get along with tbh, the one you have trouble with is Sukuna

* “You know you’ll never save him, I don’t know why you’re trying so hard”

* You would hit Sukuna if it didn’t mean slapping Yuji’s cheek too

* “Shut up what do you know”

* Honestly Yuuji’s a little surprised at the hatred Sukuna shows you

* “Shouldn’t you be happy they’re around?”

* For one because you’re around there’s been more *clears throat* romantic incidents, which of course always leave Yuji in a pretty vulnerable state

* He’s only an orgasm away from having Sukuna take over tbh

* And besides-

* You’re his weakness

* They say the sun is 92 million miles away, but he swears his sun is walking in front of him on the in Shibuya, his hand held firmly in yours

* If anything ever happened to you-

* He wouldn’t be able to live with himself, he wouldn’t be able to go on anymore.

* And that’s when the curse that lives inside him wins

* So he really doesn’t get why Sukuna’s acting like this is the worst thing to ever happen to him

* Sukuna opens an eye on Yuji’s cheek

* “I hate their kind most of all, even more than Jujutsu Sorcerers” he grumbles

* He really does hate you-

* He hates that you’re kind

* He saw your type all the time at his harem, some lowly thing relatives had sold off for money and honor-

* Or a prize from a nation he conquered

* Some dumb creature that thought you would get a reward for sacrificing yourself

* Truly idiotic

* The worst part is he’s starting to like those little fantasy’s you spin for Yuji

* He can feel the sunlight warning his skin after a cold day

* He can taste the heavy condensation of the steam that wafts off of his cup of tea, brushing against his face. The heat in direct contrast to the cold winter air

* And it hurts him to know he probably won’t feel like that again, not for a long time

* Not with you helping Yuji work through his negative feelings like you do

* So he hates you

* He hides his contempt in general, it only leaks out through an occasional insult

* “Where’s your kindness now?” He’ll jeer when you’re having a bad day

* Only for Yuuji to smack his cheek to get him to shut up

* “Ah, don’t pay any attention to him. He’s just grumpy”

* For the most part it’s nothing you can’t handle

* Really you kind of forget he’s there most of the time, until one day you see Sukuna pop out and take a bite of your Taiyaki as you hold it out to Yuji who said he wanted to taste the flavor

* “Oi that was mine!” Yuji screeches, slapping his own face while Sukuna smiles from his hand

* “You just like torturing me don’t you?” He weeps, and you offer him sympathetic pats on the back, giving him another bit of your Taiyaki

* He continues on about how Sukuna just loves to torment him, and honestly why can’t they get along when they share a body

* But your mind is elsewhere

* The next time Sikuna see’s you is when Yuji’s sleeping, the damn brat snores so loud he’s considering throttling him just to get some peace and quiet

* That’s when he hears the door creak, seeing you curling inside around it, a plastic bag in hand

* Great, the perfect end to the perfect day

* “The brats sleeping” Sukuna grumbles from Yuji’s hand-

* He would have spoken from his face but the only thing more annoying than having to deal with Yuji’s snores is having to hear the lovey-dovey crap tumble from his lips when he talks to you

* He figures you’ll leave, or maybe curl up against Yuji on the bed but instead you kneel down, your hand dipping into the plastic bag

* “I’m not here for him,” you start pulling out a Taiyaki.

* “You wanted one right?” That’s why he took a bite, because he wanted to try it too

* Though, annoying Yuji was probably an added bonus

* You hold up the Taiyaki to Sukuna’s ‘mouth’

* And he’s overcome with emotion

* It’s not like he hasn’t had concubines from his harem feed him a great number of things before -

* Like he hasn’t ever felt the tender act from one of his many lovers -

* So he hates that you’re the one that’s bringing out all these emotions in him

* And as he takes a bite from the Taiyaki he finally admits it-

* If you were in his harem, a moronic kind fool like you were one of his lovers

* You would be his favorite

* And that’s why he hates you so much

* Because just like Yuji, you’re his weakness

* “It’s not the same flavor” he mumbles

* “Sorry I couldn’t get the ice cream, it would have melted on the way here-“

* Sukuna wouldn’t have minded one bit licking the cream from your fingers, maybe he would even catch that embarrassed face you always make with the damn brat

* “So I got you a custard one, and a chocolate one, and on the off chance you weren’t in the mood for something sweet I got you a curry filled one too”

* You stumble, hand flying into the bag to pull out the other two, holding them up to him

* And despite himself, Sukuna finds the sight quite...cute

* “Well, I suppose these offerings will do for now wench” And his words are harsh, but you smile like the kindhearted fool you are.

* And that’s how Yuji starts getting pestered for “just five minutes alone with their baby”

* “Scared I’ll show them a better time than you can?” Sukuna grins

* Of course he is! Sukuna had a literal harem of lovers. Who knows what kinds of techniques he knows

* But Yuji’s pride won’t let him admit it

* Yuji scoffs

* “I’d rather die again then let you come anywhere near them”

* It’s kind like you’ve got two boyfriends

* One pink haired one that’s the literal personification of sunshine

* And another, more dark and sadistic one

* And it’s sort of a funky little relationship

* But it’s yours

* “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world” you whisper.

* Your lips brushing against his

* Yuji wouldn’t trade you for anything either

* He loves you ❤️

[ryanmarshallryan]

Here's a short story about consensual vore with two college roommates stressed about finals. Finals are coming up for me so maybe I'll make it happen in real life

Stress was high, blood sugar was low. Zach had been studying for his final exams all week, on top of trying to keep up with his day job and finishing his classes. He accidentally fell asleep while studying some flashcards on the couch, and woke up to the smell of cinnamon sugar wafting through the air. As he took in his surroundings, he looked over to the kitchen and saw his roommate, Tyler, making toast. Zach’s stomach gave a huge, unexpected rumble in response to the sight and smell of food, alerting Tyler to his roommate’s woken state.

“How are you doing?” Tyler asked.

“I’ve been better. Stressed about finals.” Replied Zach.

“Did you study so hard you forgot to eat?” Tyler asked, being met with a nod from Zach. Tyler offered Zach a piece of toast, which he gratefully accepted. “I’m surprised you forgot to eat. When I get stressed, all I do is emotional-eat nonstop until my stomach can’t handle anymore.”

“Oh don’t worry I do that, too,” Zach replied, picking up a plastic bag filled with left-over containers and brown paper bags from dozens of take-out orders and deliveries, “I’ve definitely been stress eating a lot recently. Just must have forgot to eat today.”

“Is that from this past week?”

“Nope, all from yesterday,” Zach replied, “When I’m really stressed my stomach kinda takes over.”

“If you can eat all that in a day, man, you could probably eat me and not even notice,” Tyler suggested with a laugh.

“Of I could definitely eat you,” Zach replied laughing along, “but I’m sure I’d notice you squirming around in my gut while I try to focus on studying.”

“That’s true, I might be a bit of a distraction…” Tyler continued, playing along with the joke, “but hey I’m stressed with my finals too. Might be nice if you just ate me, then I wouldn’t have to worry about them for a bit.”

Zach’s stomach began rumbling again, “Must be the toast settling.” His gut roared and shook a bit more, “But if you want to join the toast, I’m sure my stomach would be happy to have a guest.”

Tyler sat next to Zach and patted Zach’s belly and jokingly said to it, “Rumble one more time and I’ll come on in,” and right on cue it rumbled loudly once again.

“Well you heard the boss,” Zach jested, “But honestly I think I could swallow you down if I set my mind to it… I swallowed a whole watermelon once.”

“A whole watermelon! Well now I gotta see this.” Tyler said with a smile.

“Really?”

“Get me out of my finals, big guy, and we got a deal.” Replied Tyler.

Zach could smell Tyler’s breath being so close; it smelled sweet like cinnamon sugar. Eating Tyler would just be like eating that amazing toasted bread. Zach stretched his mouth over Tyler’s hands as he pushed them together and into his maw. Tyler gazed wide-eyed down Zach’s throat with an expression mixed with curiosity, fear and arousal. Zach kept swallowing, slowly salivating over Tyler’s arms as they slid in easily. Tyler’s hair tickled Zach’s nose, but he pushed Tyler’s head in and got past that funny feeling.

Tyler’s shoulders were difficult to squeeze in of course, but Zach just though about that cinnamon sugar toast loaded with butter and imagined Tyler covered in butter like-wise, and soon Tyler’s entire torso was sliding down Zach’s tight gullet.

At this point, over half of Tyler’s body was engulfed inside Zach, so Zach took hold of Tyler’s legs and lifted them up, leaning back to help gravity pull them in further. Tyler’s face must have reached the stomach and found an air pocket because Zach could hear his muffled voice shout “I found the toast!”

Zach’s throat was beginning to feel incredibly dry as Tyler’s body coarse through it, but Zach kept thinking of that butter on toast and in a moment Tyler’s feet were zooming across the tongue, into the throat and into the stomach with a plop.

Zach reached for some well needed water, and chugged a bit down.

“I feel like I’m taking a very odd shower, inside a strangely human hot tub.” Tyler mentioned.

Zach leaned back onto the couch, rubbing his massive stomach and feeling it sway and stretch to get comfortable with Tyler moving around inside.

“Hey I know you said I might be a distraction in here while you study, but weren’t you studying flashcards? Swallow them too and I can quiz you on them… Oh and maybe a flashlight too.”

And that’s exactly what they did.

“Woah, you really can take in a whole lot when you stress-eat.” Said Tyler.

“What can I say? I’m a natural.” Boasted Zach.

“Maybe not at studying, but definitely at eating.” Tyler said, making both of them laugh.

[blackcatrph]

** sour  sentence  starters.

brutal.

“  i think that i’ll die before i drink.  ”

“  i'm so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you.  ”

“  i'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.  ”

“  they'd all be so disappointed  because who am I if not exploited?  ”

“  where's my fuckin' teenage dream?  ”

“  if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.  ”

“  i'm anxious and nothing can help.  ”

“  i wish I'd done this before.  ”

“  i wish people liked me more.  ”

“  all I did was try my best.  ”

“  this the kind of thanks I get?  ”

“  they say these are the golden years.  ”

“  i wish I could disappear.  ”

“  god, it's brutal out here.  ”

“  i feel like no one wants me.  ”

“  i only have two real friends.  ”

“  lately I'm a nervous wreck.  ”

“  i love people I don't like.  ”

“  i hate every song I write.  ”

“  i'm not cool, and I'm not smart.  ”

“  i can't even parallel park.  ”

“  got a broken ego, broken heart.  ”

“  i don't even know where to start.  ”

traitor.

“  brown guilty eyes and little white lies.  ”

“  i played dumb but I always knew.  ”

“  i kept quiet so I could keep you.  ”

“  ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?  ”

“  ain't it funny how you said you were friends?  ”

“  it sure as hell don't look like it.  ”

“  you betrayed me.  ”

“  i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt.  ”

“  loved you at your worst but that didn't matter.  ”

“  guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.  ”

“  there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.  ”

“  ain't it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?  ”

“  remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?  ”

“  i wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.  ”

“  you gave me your word but that didn't matter.  ”

drivers  license. 

“  i got my driver's license last week.  ”

“  just like we always talked about.  ”

“  today I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around.  ”

“  you're probably with that blonde girl.  ”

“  she's so much older than me.  ” 

“  she's everything I'm insecure about.  ”

“  how could I ever love someone else?   “

“  i know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.  ”

“  i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.  ”

“  guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.  ”

“  all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.  ”

“  I kinda feel sorry for them because they'll never know you the way that I do.  ”

“  i still see your face in the white cars, front yards.  ”

“  can't drive past the places we used to go to because I still fuckin' love you.  ”

1  step  forward,  3  steps  back.

“  i called you on the phone today.  ”

“  all I did was speak normally.  ”

“  you got me fucked up in the head.  ”

“  like am I pretty? am I fun?  ”

“  i hate that I gave you power over that kind of stuff.  ”

“  it's always one step forward and three steps back.  ”

“  i'm the love of your life until I make you mad.  ”

“  do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand.  ”

“  maybe in some masochistic way I kind of find it all exciting.  ”

“  which lover will I get today?  ”

“  will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?  ”

“  it's back and forth, did I say somethin' wrong?  ”

“  it's back and forth, goin' over everything I said.  ”

“  i'd leave you, but the roller coaster's all I've ever had.  ”

deja vu.

“  strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two?  ”

“  i bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.  ”

“  so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?  ”

“  that was our place, I found it first.  ”

“  i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.  ”

“  do you get déjà vu when she's with you?  ”

“  do you call her, almost say my name?  ”

“  i hate to think that I was just your type.  ”

“  don't act like we didn't do that shit too.  ”

“  play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel.  ”

good  4  u.

“  well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.  ”

“  you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.  ”

“  remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?  ”

“  good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.  ” 

“  i guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.  ”

“  now you can be a better man for your brand new girl.  ”

“  well, good for you, you look happy and healthy.  ”

“  not me, if you ever cared to ask.  ”

“  good for you, you're doin' great out there without me.  ”

“  i've lost my mind.  ”

“  i've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom.  ”

“  it's like we never even happened.  ”

“  what the fuck is up with that?  ”

“  good for you, it's like you never even met me.  ”

“  remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you?  ”

“  well, screw that and screw you.  ”

“  you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional.  ”

“  your apathy's like a wound in salt.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional  or maybe you never cared at all.  ”

“  like a damn sociopath.  ”

enough  for  you.

“  i wore makeup when we dated because I thought you'd like me more.  ”

“  i know that you loved before.  ”

“  tried so hard to be everything that you like.  ”

“  i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that I was smart.  ”

“  stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.  ”

“  i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave.  ”

“  you found someonе more exciting.  ”

“  you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong.  ”

“  you always say I'm never satisfied but I don't think that's true.  ”

“  all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.  ”

“  maybe I'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before.  ”

“  you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more.  ”

“  i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that.  ”

“  i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back.  ”

“  don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded?  ”

“  don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?  ”

“  don’t tell me you’re sorry, feel sorry for yourself.  ”

“  someday i’ll be everything to somebody else.  ”

“  you’ll be the one crying.  ”

happier.

“  we broke up a month ago. ”

“  your friends are mine you know.  ”

“  you’ve moved on, found someone new.  ”

“  i thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past.  ”

“  she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty.  ”

“  does she mean you forgot about me ?  ”

“  i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me.  ”

“  i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go.  ”

“  find someone great, but don’t find no one better.  ”

“  i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier.  ”

 “  do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?  ”

“  an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean.  ”

“  remember when i believe you meant it when you said it first to me?  ”

“  now i’m picking her apart like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart.  ”

“  she’s beautiful, she looks kind.  ”

“  she probably gives you butterflies.  ”

“  i wish you all the best, really.  ”

“  say you love her, just not like you loved me.  ”

“  think of me fondly when your hands are on her.  ”

jealousy  jealousy.

“  i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room.  ”

“  all i see are girls too good to be true.  ”

“  i know their beauty’s not my lack but it feels like that weight is on my back.  ”

“  comparison is killing me slowly.  ”

“  i think i think too much.  ”

“  i’m so sick of myself, i’d rather be anyone else.  ”

“  my jealousy started following me.  ”

“  i see everyone getting all the things i want.  ”

“  i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not.  ”

“  i can’t stand it.  ” 

“  oh god i sound crazy.  ”

“  their win is not my loss, i know it’s true.  ”

“  i can’t help getting caught up in it all.  ”

“  all your friends are so cool.  ”

“  you go out every night.  ”

“  you’re living the life.  ”

“  i want to be you so bad, and i don’t even know you.  ”

“  all i see is what i should be.  ”

favourite  crime.

“  know that i love you so bad.  ”

“  i let you treat me like that.  ”

“  i was your willing accomplice.  ”

“  i watched as you fled the scene.  ”

“  doe-eyed as you buried me.  ”

“  the things i did just so i could call you mine.  ”

“  the things you did. well, i hope i was your favourite crime.  ”

“  you used me as an alibi.  ”

“  i crossed my heart and you crossed the line.  ”

“  i defended you to all my friends.  ”

“  every time i siren sounds, i wonder if you’re around.  ”

“  you know that i’d do it all again.  ”

“  it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do.  ”

“  i was going down but i was doing it with you.  ”

“  i say that i hate you with a smile on my face.  ”

“  look what we became.  ” 

hope  ur  ok.

“  his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child.  ”

“  wore long sleeves because of his dad.  ”

“  somehow we fell out of touch.  ”

“  hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush.  ”

“  don’t know if i’ll see you again someday.  ”

“  i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  her parents hated who she loved.  ”

“  she was brought into a world where family was merely blood.  ” 

“  with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred.  ”

“  we don’t talk much.  ”

“  i miss you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  address the letter to the holes in my butterfly wings.  ”

“  nothing’s forever, nothing is as good as it seems.  ”

“  when the clouds are ironed our and the monsters creep into your house, every door is hard to close.  ”

“  i hope you know how proud i am.  ”

“  i hope that you’re happier today.  ”

“  i love you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”  

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Do you think the Jedi had any flaws that you think should have been fixed? People like to say that the Jedi order should have been more loving and should have shown more emotion. And I also heard someone say that they were kinda flawed in a way at the time of the Clone Wars. Some I'm just wondering what do you think? Should the Jedi have changed things a little bit, or were they perfect the way they were? (Fyi I love the Jedi so please don't take this the wrong way)

This is gonna be a little repetitive because I have several asks along those lines, but if I started sorting them out I'd never get to answering them. (And don't worry, I'm not taking it the wrong way at all! Even if we disagreed, you'd have to be downright rude for me to be annoyed by an ask.) I kind of already stated my position on this a while back but it doesn't hurt to clarify again, so here:

I don't think the Jedi were 'perfect' the way they were, because there's no such thing as perfection in nature. I can make a list of flaws that individual Jedi had, if you want (Quinlan is rude, loves to show off, is a pain to work with; Ki-Adi comes off as haughty, he can be ruthless; Qui-Gon is impatient, stubborn, somewhat short-sighted; Jocasta is proud; Obi-Wan has a blind spot the size of Anakin and can be a bastard; Yoda can be too vague, Ahsoka too caught up in her own emotions, Mace and Adi too serious - etc. etc.) but that really wouldn't be the point, because the question is more regarding the Order's flaws.

"And I also heard someone say that they were kinda flawed in a way at the time of the Clone Wars"

Lucky you if that's all you've heard, ah ah, because the criticism is usually much more specific and often in terrible faith. But 'kinda flawed'? Sure the Jedi were. Everybody is kinda flawed, and every culture is kinda flawed, that's never up for discussion. But what those specific flaws are and how you fix them in a society is really the question when dealing with large groups, and we don't have the answer.

My own take is: no, I don't really think they should have 'changed things a bit.' As in: I don't see one or more big specific problems within the Order that are easily identified and fixed, and that, if fixed, would have made the Galaxy an unquestionably better place with no drawbacks.

Were they 'too cold' and needed to show more warmth? That's horribly subjective, but here's my (very outdated) masterlist where I delve a lot into Jedi culture in general, and here is a series specifically showing how free they are with physical displays of emotions, for example. Not loving enough is definitely not a Jedi problem!

Is it bad to take children away? It probably creates a lot of messy situations that I'm happy to explore, but it is ultimately the parents' choice + there is plenty of indication that the children are not entirely cut off from their birth heritage, and Lucas explicitly said that being raised communally was the best thing for anyone aspiring to the Jedi path. We have no indication that making the Order into a sort of boarding school would have been better.

Should they have been less involved in politics? They seem to get shut down more often than not. Should they have been more involved in politics? There's not even a consensus on that.

Should they have been spending all their time freeing slaves? Now that's not fair, because there is no realistic way for them to be doing that.

Were they too strict on Anakin, or not enough?

Should they allow for open romantic relationships? (which they more or less already do, because we have no indication that they explicitly forbid romantic connections and enforce that ban, just that they highly encourage their Knights not to commit to a relationship when they're already committed to the Order - can't be married to two different things, essentially) We have absolutely no indication that this would have a positive effect on the Order, or even that it's what most Jedi would want.

For the most part we don't even know the exact policies, Code, traditions and rules of the Order, so we have very little to go on from for practical things they could 'fix.'

Sure I'll admit that it was messed up to have Padawans fight a war, or to essentially torture Bane to get him to tell where he had hidden the holocron with the list of Force-sensitives kids, ignoring the irl and in-universe context around these things. Sure the war wasn't as clear cut as the good Republic and the bad Separatists. Sure the Jedi did unethical things throughout canon (little known tidbit: as did every single character in Star Wars, which isn't to say that criticism is meaningless, but that it always need to take context into account).

Maybe the Council should be bigger. Maybe they should have worked with non-Jedi more.

But I don't see big systemic issues in the workings or the culture Order that directly stem from malice, incompetence or unforgivable ignorance, and that could or should have been 'fixed' for the Jedi to be 'less flawed' as a group, because that's a big claim to make about any culture, even a fictional one.

People get to tear Satine to shreds for removing violence from Mandalorian culture after a civil war that shattered a planet, glassed their homeworld and decimated them, because she dared to go against the Mando beliefs and traditions, so I similarly reserve the right to defend that the Jedi's lifestyle seems to work well for them, and that we are never shown or told what precisely it is that they should have done better, and how they should have done that. I don't see that there are any drastic changes they would have needed to make to deserve to be recognized as good. As for changing just a little bit, there would be no consensus on what those little changes should be, because little problems are subjective, hard to determine, and every time you fix one little problem, you create a new little problem, and there'll never be a way around that.

tldr; Sure, the Jedi are plenty flawed, y'know, like people, but I don't think we can pinpoint one or more precise things they should have changed to be 'better,' being flawed doesn't in any way negate all the considerable good they did, and it's kind of a moot point anyway, because they all died through no fault of their own (Palpatine couldn't have given have a kriff about their philosophy, beyond the part where they were against murder and wouldn't let him be king of the whole universe, the bastards - Order 66 would have happened regardless of the rules about attachment). Basically, I can make a list of shitty things individual Jedi did or said, but nah, I wouldn't change the Order.

[andreafmn]

Choices - Part 1

Word Count: 3,913

Requested: by me; inspired by a TikTok POV

Story Description: After the snap (Y/N) and Steve decided to shift their friendship into a romantic relationship. After the Battle of Earth, and Thanos’s ultimate defeat, Steve had to travel back in time to return the stones, but what (Y/N) doesn’t know is he’s not returning. The man leaves to his best friend the hard task to break the news to his lover. But what will happen if Steve returns in an unexpected manner? 

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Part: 1/3

A/N: I just gotta say I only have spoiled knowledge of what happens in Endgame because I refuse to acknowledge its existence and I’ll never watch it. Anything I write that is not cannon, whoops. But this one-shot is inspired by a POV I stumbled upon in TikTok and I just needed to write. Had to divide it into two parts because it was getting too long.

Follow Me!

Next ->

                                                        ***

 It had taken 6 years and losing almost everyone we loved for Steve and me to admit our feelings for each other. After seeing our closest friends dissipate into fine dust we decided life was too short to wait for the right time. 

That was 5 years ago. Our relationship had been solidified as the years went on and the loss of Nat and Tony in the Battle of Earth only bringing us closer.

But something had changed. These past few days Steve had grown distant and quiet, only acknowledging me when we were in our bedroom or stuck in training. All I could attribute it to was that he was nervous about traveling to return the stones. Normally, he would talk to me about what was clouding his mind but nowadays he was acting as if we were strangers. 

Thankfully, I had a friend to occupy my time with. Bucky and I had developed a close friendship since meeting him back when he still was the Winter Soldier. Being part of his recovery was the catalyst to the relationship we have today. Losing him in the blip was horribly heartbreaking but it brought me and Steve closer. Now that he was back, I was able to have someone I could confide in the understood the Captain’s brain. 

“Hey, Buck,” I announced my arrival as I saw Bucky getting some water in the kitchen. “Couldn’t sleep?” 

“Not really,” he sighed. “The nightmares, you know?” 

He was right, I did know. Although I wasn’t blipped I had my own demons I was still battling with. “Yeah, I get it. I’m making grilled cheese, do you want some?” 

“Grilled cheese? At 3 am?” He chuckled. “What’s wrong?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on, (Y/N). You only eat grilled cheese at this time when you’re worried about something.”

“You know me too well,” I sighed. “It’s Steve. He’s been really weird this past few days.” 

“Weird how?”

“He’s been kinda avoiding me lately and I don’t know why.” A few tears were threatening to spill, but I did my best to dry them before they fell. “It’s like nothing I do is good enough, like he’d rather be anywhere but close to me. Does he hate me? Is it something I did?” 

Bucky got up from the chair he was sat in and wrapped me in a hug. I couldn’t hold off the tears this time. “There’s nothing you could do that would make that man hate you, he’s probably just in his head about traveling in time.” 

“I thought so, but why wouldn’t he talk to me about it. There’s not a single thing we haven’t been able to talk about up to ‘til now. What’s so important about this that he can’t talk to me about it.” 

“Don’t stress yourself over this, doll. I’m sure after tomorrow everything would go back to how it was.”

Bucky’s POV

And at that time I did believe it. Knowing Steve I really thought he was just nervous about the journey he had to take in the morning. That was until he said he needed to talk with me. 

“What is it, punk? You too nervous?” I chuckled until I saw the serious face he held. 

“I need a favor from you, Buck, and you might not like it.” 

“You’re scaring me, Steve. What’s wrong?” I couldn’t help but think that this had to do with why he was avoiding (Y/N). 

“When I go back today, I’m not coming back in 5 seconds.” 

“What are you talking about, Steve?” 

“I’m going to stay back and have a life with Peggy. This is my last chance to be with her and I’m taking it,” he ran his hands through his face. He knew what he was asking of me and he knew it wasn’t fair. “I need you to tell (Y/N) for me once I’m gone. She’s gonna need someone to lean on and I need it to be you.” 

“You can’t do that, Rogers. It’s not fair to me and it’s definitely not fair to her. (Y/N) loves you with her whole being. This is going to crush her.” He had been ignoring her out of guilt and he was leaving all these feelings behind in a couple of hours, leaving me to deal with the aftermath. “You know, she’s been beating herself over you avoiding her and I thought it was just nerves. But this is a new low; the Steve I know would never do this.” 

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I just think it’ll go over quicker if it comes from you.” 

“What you’re doing is cleaning your hands of a mess you’re making.” The anger was boiling inside of me by now. (Y/N) did not deserve this ending, she did not deserve to have her heart broken in such a cowardly way. 

“Please, Bucky. I don’t think I could tell her face to face.” He took a paper out of his back pocket. “I wrote her this letter, hopefully, it’ll help things to smooth over. Please, Buck, please. You have to believe me when I tell you the last thing I want to do is hurt her.”

I snatched the letter from his hands and guarded it in my jacket pocket. “I’ll do it only because I owe you my life and she’ll need someone once I break her heart for you. But, I get it.” 

“Thanks, bud. I know that for now, it must seem like a horrible thing to do but hopefully in time you’ll see my point of view.” I accepted the hug he offered. Although my head was telling me to be loyal to Steve, my heart was breaking at the thought of breaking (Y/N)’s. 

Before I knew it, Sam, Bruce, (Y/N), Steve, and I were standing in front of the machine that would be the catalyst of inevitable heartbreak. 

3rd person’s POV

“Well, this is it,” Steve whispered. They were standing to the right as Banner made sure everything was ready for Steve’s trip. 

“You know, it’s not too late to back out,” (Y/N)’s hands traveled to his chest. “We can have someone else go.” 

“It has to be me, (Y/N). But I’ll be back before you know it, doll.” His head lowered and left a deep kiss on her lips. They lingered for longer than usual, and she couldn’t help but imagine that there was an underlying message to it. “You know I love you, right? And I would never do anything to purposely hurt you, right?”

“Of course, Steve. I love you, too.” (Y/N) smiled and kissed him once more, allowing him to engulf her in a tight hug. “Be careful, okay? I can’t lose you too.” 

“I will,” he smiled. “Now, I’ve gotta go.”

“I know, be safe.” She smiled once more as she watched Steve get on the machine. She made her way over to Bucky, his arm circling her shoulders. “It’s just 5 seconds, right?” 

“Yup,” he smiled, ignoring the burning sensation coming from the paper inside his jacket. “Just five seconds.”

“Ready, Cap?” asked Bruce from behind the control panel. Steve nodded, one hand on Mjolnir and another on the case that held the Infinity Stones. “Alright, we’ll meet you back here, okay?” 

“You bet,” he responded. Two of the people present knew that it was a lie, but no one else had picked up on it yet. His head was encircled by the helmet and he stared at the two people that meant the most to him in this lifetime. Hurting them was the hardest thing he had to do, but he had been living for everyone else for too long. He decided that it was time to do something for himself. 

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1,” Bruce announced. A breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat as the time went down, all she had to do was brace herself for five seconds. Banner hit the button and (Y/N) had to blink various times to fully grasp the disappearance of the man she loved. He had vanished as quick as a thought, one second there and the next just a memory. “And returning in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1....”

Nothing. Bruce clicked the button and nothing happened. The body of Captain America was nowhere in sight. 

“Bruce, what the hell is going on?” (Y/N) spoke up, but she wasn’t sure if her voice was heard. Her mind raced a million miles an hour and she could feel her legs giving out. Had it not been for Bucky’s left arm, she would have crashed to the floor. Bruce stammered with his words, not knowing what to say. “Bucky, where is he, Bucky? Where’s Steve?” 

Bucky knew it would hurt to see her cry, but this was shattering his heart. Her body was falling limp in his arms and the tears were streaming out of her eyes faster than he could dry them. Her words were slurred but he understood the gist of it. She was hurt; she was betrayed; she was beyond heartbroken. 

“Come on, let’s sit down.” Bucky led her to the tent that was propped up behind them. “There’s something you should know.” 

“What is it, Buck?” She sobbed. 

“Please don’t hate me, but Steve is not coming back.” The girl looked up at her friend, not know what emotion she was feeling in the moment. Her tears stopped momentarily, needing to hear the words that would spill from Bucky’s mouth. “Steve decided to go back in time and have a life with Peggy. He needed you to know that he didn’t want to hurt you. He also left you this note.” 

Her shaky hands extended to take hold of the piece of paper Bucky handed her. She dried away the tears that were clouding her eyes and began reading. 

My dearest doll,

 If you are reading this letter, you know I am not coming back. I decided to take hold of the chance to have the life I would’ve had if I stayed in the 40s. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling in this moment, and I’m sorry for all the hurt I know I’m causing you. I need you to know that I never knew I could love someone after Peggy and I’m thankful for all the years we had together. I was in love with you and I still am, but I could not continue on knowing I have a chance to answer one of my biggest ‘what if’s. I could not go on in our life with the weight of my past on our shoulders, you deserve better than that. I hope you can pardon how big of a coward I am being in the moment, I knew I couldn’t do this face-to-face and you deserve at least a worded explanation of why I left. You are strong, amazing, beautiful, and deserving of all the love in the world; I’m sorry I couldn’t provide it. I want you to promise me that you’ll move on and be happy, even if it’s not with me. I also hope you don’t hate Bucky for being the bearer of bad news, he didn’t know until today and I gave him no other choice thant to tell you. If there’s someone that can understand what you are feeling right now, it is him.

I hope one day you will forgive me for this,

I love you until the end of the line.

Steve

She folded the paper back up and broke down once again. Bucky engulfed her in a hug and held her as she shook. “He’s gone, Buck. He went back to be with Peggy. I wasn’t enough for him.” 

“Oh, doll, I’m so sorry.” 

“Guys, we’ve got to head back,” Sam peeked his head through the tent, heartbroken by the view in front of him. “I’ve got her, Buck. Go get the truck started.” 

Bucky released (Y/N) into the arms of Sam Wilson, and left to start the car to head back to the tower. Sam ran his hands over the sobbing girl’s hair trying his best to soothe her. Even though he didn’t fully understand the situation she was in, he got the jist of it. After everything was packed back up, (Y/N) had fallen asleep in Sam’s arms, so he picked her up and laid her on his lap to not wake her. She would be needing all the rest she could get. 

“You guys good back there?” Bucky asked.  

“Yeah, she’s out like a light,” Sam whispered. 

“Good, she’s gonna need all the energy she can get to recover.”

“What happened?” 

“Steve decided to stay back and be with Peggy; left me to tell her the news.” Busky gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were pale white, his anger building up inside him. 

“Wow, I never expected that from the Cap. I don’t think it’ll be easy for her to move on from this.” He looked down at the sleeping figure in his lap, wiping away the few tears that had slipped out in her slumber. “She might be physically strong, but she’s very sensitive and rarely gets attached.”

“I still don’t understand why he chose to do it this way. The little punk.”

The duo waited until Banner was inside the truck before leaving the spot they were in and back home. Unbeknownst to them, behind the trees, a figure stared at the scene in front of him with a broken heart.

                                                           ***

It had been almost three weeks of robotic movements from (Y/N). She would wake up, sometimes eat, sit in front of a window and stare down the New York skyline; other times she would lay in bed wearing one of Steve’s shirts and sprayed the room with his cologne as she sobbed into his pillow. There were the nights that she drowned her sorrows in a bottle of whatever liquor she could find, until the other members started hiding the bottles. But that didn’t stop her from stashing a couple of bottles in her closet. Nighttime was always the hardest. (Y/N) had grown used to falling asleep in Steve’s arms and being engulfed in his warmth. Now, she thrashed around in a bed that was too big, too cold, and too uncomfortable.

The rest of the team had tried their best to lift her spirits, but nothing seemed to work too well. Sam tried his best to make her favorite meals, which she gave thanks for but rarely ate, pushing the food around in the plate; Bucky tried to entice some emotion by asking her to join him in clearing his list of movies to watch to catch up on the times, but she would zone out for most of the movie; Bruce would ask her to join him in his afternoon reading sessions, but every time she picked up a book she re-read the same page over and over not retaining a single word; Wanda would try her best to get her to partake in normal hygiene practices, which the girl had held off on for a couple of days, only getting her to shower every other day.

(Y/N) was a walking zombie, doing the bare minimum to survive.

But today she had woken up differently, her heart hurting a little less than the other days. She got into the shower, brushed her teeth, and even got dressed in her own clothes. It was three in the afternoon, but she was up. She was detangling her hair when her bedroom door opened.

“You’re awake?” Bucky said, startled to see a clean and awake (Y/N) in front of him. “Don’t mean to sound so surprised, but I came in here with the intention to startle you awake once again.”

The girl chuckled and continued her brushing. “Thought it was time to do something by myself.”

“Here, let me.” Bucky took the brush from her hands and started brushing through her damp hair. It finally smelled of her normal shampoo and conditioner, and not a mix of her hair oils and Steve’s cologne. The smell of strawberries and vanilla emanated from her head and Bucky couldn’t help but breathe in deep. His left hand ran the hairbrush through her hair as his right hand smoothed it down. (Y/N) leaned into his touch and smiled at the comforting strokes he was providing. Unknowingly, Bucky started humming a lullaby under his breath.

“What are you humming?”

“It’s a Russian lullaby I overheard one night while under HYDRAs hold. There’s not much I like to remember from those times, but this I don’t mind.”

“I like it,” she rocked to the movements of his hands and smiled as she listened intently to his humming. She couldn’t see him, but the veteran was smiling at her. It had been the first time she had shown any kind of emotion in the time that had elapsed. He finished her hair in a sloppy braid, not fully understanding the mechanics of the three-strand braid. “Thank you, Buck.”

“How’re you feeling today, (Y/N)?” He finally asked.

“I’m feeling better, don’t know how long it will take to get me to 100% but I’m feeling like a 45% today.”

“That’s good to hear, you know. It’s better than where we started.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind and she leaned into him, enjoying the warmth his body emanated. “So, what do you want to do today?”

“Have not gotten up to that point.”

“Well, Sam’s already cooking up something in the kitchen and I’m on the second movie of The Lord of the Rings, so we can watch that one.”

“Okay, that sounds good.” She smiled at the man that was next to her as they exited her room.

The rest of the team had gathered in the kitchen, working on ways to cheer (Y/N) up when they saw her emerge from the hallway with a small smile on her face. Everyone’s jaw fell open when they saw the girl looking partly human and with a spark of energy. It had been a while since she had resembled the (Y/N) they knew and loved.

“Guys, please pick up your mouths off the floor, your eyes do not deceive you.” (Y/N) joked.

“Glad to see you’re alive, (Y/N),” Sam spoke. “Come have some food.” 

She smiled at her friend and sat next to Wanda as Sam placed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in front of her. Bucky served himself and her a cup of coffee and added the cream and sugar she enjoyed with her drink. She happily munched on the food as the people around her stared in astonishment.

Thankfully, the staring didn’t last long. Wanda and Sam had a quick recon mission and Bruce had some work to finish in the lab, leaving Bucky and (Y/N) to enjoy The Two Towers in peace. Bucky had the curtains drawn and the movie all set up as (Y/N) took out blankets and made a hole between all the pillows that adorned the couch. The duo settled into their spot and bundled themselves in the blankets, settling in for the 226 minutes of the extended version of the movie.

She wasn’t sure at what point in the movie she fell asleep, but she was woken up by Bucky softly shaking her awake. She mumbled something she didn’t even understand, so Bucky decided to carry her to her bed. (Y/N) had burned too much energy by being around too many people too fast. It didn’t seem like a lot but being around the whole team had taken a toll on her. The sun had started to set and so were the last slivers of happiness she had felt.

Bucky set her down on her bed, tucking the blankets around her. He turned to leave when a small hand wrapped around his right wrist. He looked down and saw a teary-eyed (Y/N) looking up at him.

“Stay, please.” Her voice was barely a whisper and it trembled slightly. She was the vision of the heartbreaking scene that had hurt him three weeks ago.

He smiled softly at the girl and went around the bed to climb in. “Today was hard, huh?”

“Yeah, I thought I was ready to go back to normal, but it took too much out of me. I feel so useless.”

“You are far from useless, doll. You’re hurting, darling, we all understand.” He pulled her in close and laid her head on his chest, the thin layer becoming wet with her tears. “It’ll get better someday, that’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“How do you know?” 

“Because we all do, after a while we all get better.”

“I wish we knew how long a while was. Everything would be easier.” 

“I know, doll, but let’s take it all one day at a time. Just remember you’re not alone. You have me – and the rest of the team.” He cleared his throat trying to disguise the importance she held in his life. Bucky would have never said anything, but he had fallen for the girl. He held her already in high regard for the care she had given to his best friend, but his feelings had started to shift when she started caring for him while they were on the run.

“Thank you, Buck. I don’t know where I would be without you.” She laid a kiss on his chest and drifted to sleep with Bucky’s arm rubbing circles on her back.

One more week had gone by and (Y/N) had grown used to having Bucky sleep with her at night. He had helped her pack away all the things Steve had left in the room – specifically the cologne that still hunted her, – he started waking her up earlier and making sure she got at least two full meals a days before she went to bed, and he made sure that she didn’t spend her nights crying for a man he called his best friend.

All of Bucky’s efforts didn’t go unnoticed. The remaining Avengers had noticed how the ex-assassin cared for the broken girl, going further than the rest of them did. And his feelings for the girl did not fly by the mind-reading witch that currently stared at him preparing lunch for (Y/N).

“When will you tell her how you feel?” The redhead spoke, casually sipping on a cup of coffee.

“What do you mean, Wanda?” 

“What she means is that you’ve been in love with that girl for far too long and it’s time you confess already,” Sam jeered. “Nothing’s stopping you now.”

“Except for the fact that she’s still reeling from my best friend breaking her heart by going back in time and leaving her to be with someone else. I’m sure she’ll be jumping with joy if I confess right now,” he mocked. “Anyways, how did you know?” 

“You’re not very secretive about it,’’ Sam laughed. “You’re always in a sour mood but magically when you’re with her you become someone else. The White Wolf become (Y/N)’s puppy real quick!’’

“I am not that obvious with it.”

“Okay, lil’ pup.”

“Whatever. Anyways, it’s not the right time for that.”

“When will it be the right time then, Bucky?” Wanda inquired.

“I don’t know. But it’s not right now.”  He plated what he was cooking and headed to (Y/N)’s room. The last thing she needed at the moment was a new relationship, even if that’s all Bucky wanted. 

[dameronology]

wait on {din djarin x reader}

summary: boba fett is a good therapist, and din djarin is spectacular at being nosey. the result? a much needed conversation. perhaps there’s a silver lining. {kinda based on this song}

warnings: angst, language, swearing, s2 spoilers

this one hurts a lil bit but i promise the ending is happy. enjoy!!

-jazz

The air between you was thick, not unlike the beskar that the Mandalorian was wearing. 

It was funny, really, because you’d never minded the armour all that much before. Your ability to see straight through it and see Din Djarin for what he really was had been what made him fall in love with you, and you with him. Now, it felt like a barrier between you. Inches of thick metal and fabric, shielding him from the world around him. From you. The one person he usually held closest to his heart; the one person he’d let see his face for the first time in years. The man was hardly a conversationalist at the best of times but he’d opened up to you. Shared his world with you and intertwined it with yours. Built something with you that you'd both protect with your lives. 

Now, he was straying away. Forever attached by an invisible string, but with galaxies and galaxies between you. Even though he was mere inches from you, sat two seats over, there was a chilly air; if your relationship was a warm, welcoming house, the atmosphere he’d plunged you both into was the cold winter’s night on the other side of the glass. You wanted to go back, to drag him inside and slam and bolt the door behind you. Instead, you were forced to watch through the windows, knowing what was there but never quite truly getting close enough to let it envelope you. 

You couldn’t hold it against him. The last few weeks had been rough on you both, and it only come to a head today. Grogu had been taken by the Imps and the Crest had been blown up before your very eyes. It was one of those times that truly and wholly showed the difference between you and Din: you sought him out and he pulled away. You’d learnt a long time ago not to follow him. You wanted to. Fuck, you wanted to, but you’d learnt the hard way that it was a bad idea. 

Despite the icy silence and ache for your kidnapped toad son, you were still grateful for the fact Boba Fett had offered his ship as transport and shelter. You weren’t entirely sure what his deal was, but Din seemed to trust him, and so by extension, you did too. Things were a little cramped in the hull of the ship, but there was a spare sleeping quarters for you and the Mandalorian to squish into, assuming he’d let you. You didn’t want to ask him, because you were scared of the answer. 

Instead, you found yourself sat out on the dusty plains of...wherever the hell you were. Boba had parked the ship up overnight so that you could rest; it seemed to be some kind of desert planet. Not too different to Nevarro or Tatooine, but perhaps a little colder. The sky had long faded to black, casting a darkness over the sandy plains ahead of you. The chilly air was a welcome contrast against the stuffiness of the bedroom - it wasn’t even hot in there, just filled with some kind of inexplicable tension. And not the sexy kind; the regular, all-consuming type. You could feel it slowly etching into your frontal lobe, sinking in its claws and giving you a stress head-ache. Letting out a few deep breaths, you let the gusts of cold wind blow over your bare arms. 

‘A little cold out here, isn’t it?’

The voice was gravelly and unfamiliar, but one that you knew belonged to Boba Fett. 

‘Yeah, maybe.’ You didn’t turn around to look, instead letting your eyes stay focused on the distance. There was nothing ahead. Just darkness and sand. ‘Fresh air is nice, though.’

‘Or maybe the air inside is bad.’ He countered. Boba took a seat on the rock beside you, jokingly whacking his knee against yours. ‘What’s on your mind?’

‘Just...what happened today, I suppose.’ You replied. ‘We lost the kid, and our ship.’

‘You’re handling it better than your Mandalorian.’ He replied. 

‘I don’t think he’s my Mandalorian.’ You snorted. ‘He’s just...he doesn’t normally deal with so much at once. I think he just needs time to process it all, you know?’

‘Perhaps.’ Boba said. ‘And do you always make excuses for him?’

‘I beg your sweet pardon?’ You turned to look at him. 

‘Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I’ve always been an observant man.’ He began. ‘I saw how you immediately went to him, to check on him, and how you fought beside him,  yet he’s barely even looked at you.’

‘Ouch.’ You muttered. ‘You might be observant you but certainly do not tread lightly.’

‘My apologies.’ He curtly nodded. 

‘It’s not always been like this.’ Your words felt forced. You were making excuses. ‘And it won’t always be.’

‘You know him better than anyone, or so I assume.’ Boba reminded you. ‘But don’t be afraid to remind him what he has, despite what he’s lost.’

He was right. Din could be distant, and he could be fucking ignorant without even trying, but you hadn’t strayed from his side once. Not for a second. It could be frustrating to deal, with but you loved him with your whole being, in a soul-consuming sorta way, and you knew he was capable of coming around. Your mother had always preached songs of love being patient and kind but as you saw it, it was frustrating, and at times the most inconvenient thing in the world. You must have had the patience of a saint to deal with him. He was just lucky he made it worth it (and that underneath all the armour, he wasn’t too bad to look at. It certainly helped his case). 

You let out a sad laugh. ‘I couldn’t. Di - Mando already struggles to express his feelings and I’d only make it worst if I said he wasn’t doing it well enough.’

‘You know your worth.’ Boba said. ‘Only you can decide if he appreciates it enough.’

‘He does.’ You quickly replied. ‘I know he does.’ 

He gave you a doubtful look, one that said I think you’re bullshitting, but I won’t disagree. He was simply sharing his observations, even if they were a little much. But the man hadn’t had any proper social interaction for a long time, so you could hardly blame him - and he had a sort of wise air to him, like he’d been round the block a couple times. He certainly seemed like the sort of person you should listen to.

‘I’ll leave you with this: the life of a Mandalorian is complicated.’ He dusted off his knees, before standing up. ‘You should make sure it’s worth it before you fully commit.’

‘I-’ you tried to speak, but you were cut off by the sound of a twig snapping under someone’s boot. Why the fuck were there twigs in the desert? More to the point, why was that your immediate thought? 

You both sharply turned around, coming face-to-face with a Mandalorian. Not a Mandalorian, but the Mandalorian. The one you’d just been talking about. The one whose heart would have been broken into a million tiny pieces if he’d even a word of what you just said. And, from the way his helmet tilted ever so slightly to the left, you figured he’d heard more than enough. Fuck. 

'Don’t let me stop you.’ His modulated voice wavered ever so slightly. ‘I’ll see you inside.’

He turned on his heel, heavy steps taking him back towards the Slave I. To anyone else, his body language hadn’t changed, but you could read him like a book. A complicated book, and one that was missing more than half its pages and was in a dozen different fucking languages, but one you’d read a thousand times. Understanding Din Djarin was hard, and you’d only just begun -  barely touched the surface in fact - but it was more than anyone else could say. 

‘Wait!’ You leapt up, almost comically falling over as you rushed after him. 

Sensing that his presence was probably not welcome, Boba returned to his seat on the rock, silently hoping that Fennec Shand was either a) asleep, or b) had enough common sense to stay the fuck out of the way of whatever was about to go down. 

‘I swear to maker if you shut that door -’ you were cut off by...the door shutting in your face. Djarin: 1. You: 0.

You let out a small groan, slamming your fist against it. 

‘Okay, maybe I deserved that.’ You quietly muttered. ‘But will you please listen to me?’

Silence. 

‘Fine.’ You splayed your fingers out against the metal. ‘Ice me out, Din Djarin. I’m more than used to it by now.’

There was a gruff hmm from the other side of the door. Had he really just taken offence to that?

‘It’s funny, really.’ You continued. ‘Because the part of that conversation you didn’t hear was me defending you. Like I always fucking do, because I know that despite everything, you’re a human being and you love me.’

There was a small thud, as though Din had placed his hand in a similar position to yours.

‘But Boba has a point.’ Your voice fell to a whisper. ‘I keep giving and I get nothing back. Instead of letting me in, you just shut me out and I know you’re upset at what he said but for the love of everything holy in this shitty world, do not prove him right.’

It was a risky ultimatum, and not one you’d seen coming. Your chest had tightened as soon as the words left your mouth, because you knew that if Din stayed silent, that was it. You’d have to let him go; to accept that you would never get back what you putting in. Before, you were able to convince yourself that you were okay with that but maybe, just maybe you weren’t. Waiting around for something that had no guarantee of happening was like beating a dead horse that had no guarantee of coming back to life. The only thing that was promised was emotional exhaustion and then eventual death. You would have liked to have found something between those two waypoints - whether Din Djarin could be the one to give it to you? You didn’t know. 

After a moment of silence, the door finally opened, and you came face to face with him. Like actually face to face with him; no helmet, no armour. Just a loose tunic and tired brown eyes, matched with lazily-shaven facial hair and knitted brows. That was Din. Your Din. 

‘Can I just...can I just talk for a moment?’ He asked. ‘I have something to say and I want to get it right.’

‘Of course.’ You nodded. 

‘I’m not hurt by what you said.’ He stated. ‘I know I don’t show you enough love and it hurts that I don’t know how, but I am trying. I promise you that much.’

You gave him a tearful smile. ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘I just wish that you could say it to me and not to him.’ He murmured. ‘I don’t want you to hold back on anything, ever. You can always come to me. Even if it’s about me.’

‘I get that.’ Your eyes fell to the floor. ‘It’s just that I know you’re trying your best and I’m scared you’ll think that your best isn’t enough.’ 

‘It’s not.’ Din’s words took you by surprise. ‘It’s not enough, but one day, I hope it will be.’

‘I don’t know what to say, because if I deny it-’

‘- you don’t have to say anything.’ He cut you off. ‘I want to give you the world. And I will, if you’ll be patient with me.’

You took every word as gospel as he said it. The Mandalorian was a lot of things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. And to his credit, every promise he’d made to you before, he’d delivered on. You didn’t doubt for a second that this one would be the same. It wasn’t even naivety or wishful thinking. 

‘I mean, I’ve come this far.’ You tried to crack a joke. You finally looked up from the floor, his brown eyes meeting yours. 

‘I love you.’ He took your hands in his, words firm. ‘That’s all I can give you right now. I’m sorry.’

‘Din.’ The words barely come out as a whisper. ‘Never apologise. Please never apologise. I just...it’s nice to hear it, you know? A little more often than every time you almost die.’

‘Are the words enough on their own?’

‘Yes.’ You squeezed his hands. ‘Because I know you mean them.’

Din wrapped his arms you, pulling you tightly against his chest. It was warm and soft, miles away from the cold armour that so often greeted you. He held you tightly and with a new kind of might you were previously yet to experience, clinging onto you as though it were the last time. It wasn’t - it was far from the last time. Rather, it was the first time. The first time that he’d spoken of a future with you, or fully promised himself to you. You knew you would get there one day. You’d just needed him to say it himself before you could believe it. 

Din Djarin was giving you tiny little pieces on himself each day, and one day, you would have all of him. 

tags: @meshlababy @bo-kryze @poestardust @aqueencomplexx @princessxkenobi @cosmic-rich @captn-andor @buttercup--bee​ @maharani-radha​ @kat-r-in​

[flingpoly]

fling posse autistic headcanons

since my autistic fp art got support before i’m gonna throw this out there for anyone else who might like the idea! these are a mix of my interpretations of canon behavior and also headcanons

ramuda:

- it's worth noting the entire reason he’s considered a “failed experiment” is because he has emotional dysregulation, which is something a lot of autistic people struggle with.

- has vocal tics! (i’ve always loved the part in pink iro no ai when he repeatedly stutters “are” because it’s very very similar to a vocal tic of mine)

- sucks on other hard candies besides medicinal lollipops because Good Mouth Stim

- once he’s comfortable around fling posse and masks less he goes through a lot of periods of total silence where he prefers not to verbalize. it's nice and comfortable for him because he doesn't have to force himself to speak or be perfectly social.

- he likes initiating touch (feeling nice clothes textures and hugging tightly) but has trouble being touched by others

- i often think of that scene in rhyme anima where he gets frustrated he can’t explain himself and covers his ears and makes a sort of groaning sound. that combined with the marionette drama track where he gets frustrated and yells “shut up” (which is the same word as “too loud” in japanese), i'm lead to think he often covers his ears when overstimulated or frustrated. that’s the sensory input he needs to block out when he needs to “reset”. this also makes sense since a lot of stimulation he’d have to deal with would be from a hypnosis mic, so ironically, even though he’s supposed to handle things well, he ends up being most sensitive to noise/think to protect his ears first when upset.

- i would actually go as far as to consider ramuda autistic-coded (since other central themes of his are masking, “speaking with no tact”, fluctuating empathy, struggling to make true connections beyond a surface level). he could have his own post but i’ll stop here

gentaro:

- has a very low amount of social spoons (ramuda and dice learn to recognize when he needs space)

- carries that blank book around partially for the aesthetic and partially because he flips through it and feels the pages as a stim

- picky about food texture and probably rotates between a few same foods

- related to the above, he places importance on routine and habit and has to sit in the same spot at the same café

- he’s able to pull facts about dinosaurs out of his ass because they were his special interest at one point. that’s why he’s so insanely smart on a few niche topics and why he can speak on them at a moment’s notice.

- having an “eccentric” vocabulary is also considered a telling sign of autism, and especially since (spoilers) we know gentaro was never an author to begin with, these are just dialects and speaking styles he’s picked up on his own. author or not, he probably did love books a lot growing up, and that’s why so many autistic people pick up odd speaking habits– they tend to read a variety of stories rather than interact with their peers at a young age.

- i just wanna see him do flappy hands with his sleeves

dice:

- was never good at structure because he couldn’t understand arbitrary social rules, which is why he had a falling out with his mom/doesn’t want to live a “typical” life; it just doesn’t work for him

- always making little sounds somehow! it’s canon from the radio show that he likes whistling with grass and creating makeshift percussion and such, so he’s probably always tapping on something

- takes everything literally, which is why he still doesn’t understand when gentaro is joking or not and falls for it every time. that’s also why he’s unfamiliar with a lot of metaphors

- actually very interested in card games in general and loves memorizing strategies and rules; just kinda helps he uses this skill to gamble

- no volume control but that’s okay because ramuda and gentaro find it very endearing since it’s often when he’s enthusiastic

- he chews on his little hair bead thing

- likes weight/pressure, which is why he carries around ramuda so much. ramuda probably just lays directly on top of him sometimes like his own little weighted blanket.

[frogtanii]

embarrassed ft. matsukawa issei

wc. 2.7k (???)

warnings. SMUT, not proofread lol, mutual pining (??), friends to lovers (???), cunnilingus lmao, no dom/sub dynamics, well actually dom&sub issei if you squint rlly hard hehe, kinda cute, embarrassed issei <3, also one (1) WAP reference

an. it’s 2:30 am and i have no idea why i wrote this and who for???? i got the idea from a 🦋😳🙈✨ audio and was immediately inspired idk, sorry if it’s bad i lichrally have no idea since i didn’t read it after it was done :p

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

it wasn’t like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed.

he was handsome, intelligent, and funny, not to mention he never left women wanting after a night with him.

issei was the entire package and he knew it.

beyond superficiality though, he was happy with his life. he had a great group of friends, a nice apartment all to himself and a completely normal job.

yes, being a funeral home employee wasn’t the most glamorous career a person could have but he was happy. besides, it never deterred him from getting a warm body to sleep with which was a win in his book.

all in all? his life was great!

so why did he have to go and screw it all up?

issei blames makki and the dumb flyer for the reason his life went to shit. (maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but let him have his oikawa moment.)

he was minding his own business when his best friend (recently turned enemy) burst through his apartment door with a piece of paper in his hand and a fire in his eyes.

“dude, look at this!” issei rolled his eyes, putting down his casket catalogue and turning to meet takahiro’s gaze.

“why hello to you too. remind me why i gave you a key again?”

“because you love me and because i bring shit like this to you. look!” with another long and suspiciously tooru-like sigh, issei took the crumpled paper from makki and immediately stopped in his tracks.

“makki... what the fuck is this?”

written in large pink letters and a flowery, borderline illegible font was the name, coffee and cunnilingus. upon further inspection and careful reading, it revealed itself to be a little cafe opening up about 10 minutes from issei’s apartment complex who were looking to hire “young, attractive men who are proficient at eating pussy.”

issei could feel his eyes narrow and his mouth drop open in shock as he repeated his question. “the fuck is this?”

makki shook his head excitedly, tapping to another portion of the flyer that matsukawa had not yet read. “no, no dude, just look at how much they’re paying per hour.” issei begrudgingly obliged but the minute his eyes touched the (Massive™) number, he felt a little faint.

it was a lot of money. more than the funeral home was paying, that’s for sure. with that kind of money he could move out of this suddenly dingy seeming apartment and into a nice flat in the city were he’d always wanted to live. maybe he could buy himself a nice watch or even a high-end suit to replace the one from his highschool graduation (aka the only suit he owns). with that kind of money, he could erase his student debt 3 years ahead of schedule and get his mom into a nicer place.

it was these thoughts that clouded issei’s head as he found himself standing in front of a cute looking building, matching the address on the flyer. i’ll only be working part time, he thought as he pushed the door open to reveal an equally impressing interior with curtained booths and a wide variety of coffee on the menu. i’m only doing it for extra money, he thought as he shook the owner’s hand after he finished his successful interview. no one can ever know, he thought as he dressed himself in the uniform on his first day.

thus began issei’s super secret side hustle where he ate women out for cash.

sounds worse when you say it outright but it was just working. he was good at it, the women liked him, and he was making BANK. still, there were challenges. some women refused to bathe before coming and he would have to send them to the restroom to freshen up which absolutely ruined his chances for a good tip. some women would become heavily infatuated with him, believing that they were in some sort of forbidden romance. he learned to turn them down quick and easy to avoid conflict in the workplace which furthered his space as a boss favorite. but his hardest challenge by far was meeting you.

you were one of hanamaki’s friends, having met him at one of his brief stints in retail on his search for a job. he had gotten fired but you both stayed in touch after he left, becoming really close, really fast.

issei had met you first when takahiro had invited you to the biweekly seijoh third-years movie night. at first, he had been pissed as an “outsider” had never been invited before and he was worried you’d ruin the vibe, especially since it was the first time in months that oikawa would be able to join them. makki vouched for you through and through and the other boys were okay with it so you were in. the second he met you, all his fears of awkwardness and discomfort faded away.

you were great.

you were hilarious, pretty, and could keep up with makki’s harsh jokes, tooru’s diva attitude, iwa’s tendency to hit (hard), and issei’s original disdain. by the end of the night, he had completely forgotten why he didn’t want you there in the first place.

from then on, you were a staple in their little friend group. you were added to the groupchat where you balanced memes with spouts of deep wisdom and you were ever so reliable, always there if any of them needed it.

yeah, you were great. that’s where the problems started.

issei’s feelings for you quickly went from platonic to romantic, faster than you can say godzilla. he hadn’t even recognized that he was falling for you until it was way too late. normally, he wouldn’t have a problem confessing to you but because of his newly found ...occupation, he was too nervous. how would you take it that he was basically a glorified prostitute? ok, that wasn’t exactly what he did but still! you’d probably find him disgusting and horrible and leave the friend group forever. then he’d have to deal with oikawa’s senseless whining and makki’s subtle digs, blaming him for your departure. yeah, he wasn’t going to put himself through that so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

too bad he didn’t have any control over makki’s.

you and takahiro had been on a little friend-date at mcdonald’s after you’d had a long and frustrating shift. you just wanted to vent, expressing your general hate for your job and desperate need for stress relief.

that’s when makki opened his (big, stupid) mouth and suggested that you visit a little place called coffee and cunnilingus. you nearly choked on your fries at the title before quickly pressing him for details. thankfully, he had the decency not to expose that issei worked there but he had not done a good enough job convincing you not to go there. not that it would’ve mattered. your curiosity was peaked and your libido was high so why not try out the weird cafe where you let a complete stranger stick his tongue inside you?

it was settled. you were going to go and you were going to get eaten out and you were going to like it!

or at least that is what you repeated in your head as you walked to the address on your phone before taking a deep breath and walking inside.

“hello, welcome to coffee and cunnilingus, how might i pleasure you this afterno— yn?” issei’s eyes widened as they met your equally bewildered ones, the both of you staring at each other in shock.

“matsukawa-san, is everything alright?” a large hand rested on issei’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts and forcing him to break (horrified) eye contact with you and move it onto his boss who was now looking down on him menacingly.

“y-yes sir, everything is fine!” he squeaked out, hating the way his voice cracked on his first syllable. his boss looked at him suspiciously but thankfully didn’t press.

“well, since nothing is wrong, take this beautiful young woman to a booth where you will assist her!” the hand resting on issei’s shoulder slowly squeezed, making him wince in pain. the pain was only an afterthought though to the larger implication of his boss’ words. he’s going to assist you. assist as in pleasure. pleasure as in eat you out.

holy shit, you were going to pass out.

apparently, issei had the same thought process as you, his face whitening like a sheet. “m-me? but sir i-“

“do your job matsukawa-san!” his boss cut him off with a forced smile. all issei could do was nod and silently lead you off to a closed booth near the back or lose his job. you stayed close behind him but remained quiet, absolutely terrified of breaking the silence and ruining the bubble you had created.

you finally reached the booth in question. issei gently opened the curtain and motioned for you to get it, to which you obliged and he followed just behind.

the moment the curtain closed, you were enveloped in an awkward silence and tense atmosphere, neither of you speaking or looking at one another for fear of one of you running out. after what felt like hours, you opened your mouth to speak, not realizing issei had thought the same thing.

“so-“

“i-“

you finally made eye contact with him and burst into the laughter, the tension quickly broken. it took a full minute or two for the both of you to calm down, the absurdity of the entire situation finally catching up with you.

“you first,” issei said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes while fixing you with an intense gaze swirled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place but it made butterflies bubble up in your stomach. you quickly turned your gaze to the comfortable seat beneath you, your fingers playing with the red stitching while you thought of what you had wanted to say.

“are you any good?” your hand flew up to cover your mouth as your cheeks filled with heat, the embarrassment of your words catching up to you. you hadn’t meant to say that but when you opened your mouth to apologize, you were stopped in your tracks by the lovely sound of issei’s full-bodied laughter filling the tiny booth.

you had heard it just moments earlier but without the sound of your own giggles drowning it out, you couldn’t help but think that he sounded beautiful. you basked in the sound as it slowly trailed off back into silence. now it was you doing the staring making issei look off with a red face and a heart threatening to pound out of his chest.

“y-yeah i’m pretty good. you want to try? me, i mean?” his words nearly leave you gasping, your brain working overtime to try and comprehend what he was saying to you.

“only if y-you want to? what do you want issei?” you whispered, suddenly unable to find your voice. you wanted this to be okay for him too; you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable even though you wanted him more than you could verbally express. despite the embarrassment and fear of rejection lingering under your skin, you stared at him, awaiting his answer. a tiny minuscule nod came from him and you internally shook your head. you needed to hear him.

“i need you to say it, issei.” your words, while quiet, were firm and issei felt himself hardening in his uniform slacks. he swallowed in his increasingly drying mouth before opening his mouth to respond.

“i want to eat your pussy. can i?”

shit.

your own voice was stolen by his words and all you could give him was a nod before he was on you.

issei didn’t waste any time falling to his knees, pulling your panties down, and hiking your skirt up to your stomach, revealing your glistening folds to his hungering eyes.

“fuck, you’re so wet,” is all the warning you get before he’s licking a long stripe up you from entrance to clit before he’s sucking the hard, sensitive nub into his mouth. your eyes immediately rolled back into your head, your hips instinctively bucking up into his mouth while a gasped moan of issei left your lips.

if he could bottle your moans and use them whenever he pleased, he would, the sound sending another pulse of arousal to his already hard cock. he was tempted to reach down and pull himself out of his trousers but he denied himself. this was about you; you and your wet ass pussy.

issei continued his ministrations on your clit, circling it with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth while his hand was ready to get busy. it crept up your thigh, sending shivers down your spine until it reached your sopping entrance, two of his fingers teasing the slit before delving in to the third knuckle.

the moan you let out is borderline animalistic as your body sends another wave of slick pulsing out over his hand. he groaned into your cunt at your tightness, his mind only imagining him deep within you while you squeeze him for all he’s got.

the amount of slick you produced made it easy for him to add a third finger, thrusting them in and out while also crooking them upwards in search for your special spot that would have you seeing stars. it took him a little prodding but he knew he found it when your back arched, your hand came down into his hair, and you whimpered out a string of curses.

“that’s it baby, cmon, you’re doing so well, wanna see you come apart for me,” he all but growled against your clit before delving back in with a higher intensity, his desperation for you to come winning out his desire to tease you and drag this out as long as possible.

with his incessant pressure on your g-spot and his lips suctioned around your clit, it wasn’t long before he got what he wanted.

“isseiisseiisseiissei, i’m coming, i’m coming-oh fuck!” you screamed as you clenched and gushed all over his fingers, your entire body caving in with the intensity of your orgasm. his fingers were practically forced from your spasming cunt but they quickly found a place rubbing your nub side to side as fast as possible. the overwhelming urge to pee came over you and you shook your head, trying to push his hand away.

“no, no, give it to me, i know you can,” issei groaned, his eyes locked on your dripping pussy. the pleasure he was giving came to a head at his words and you felt a clear liquid escape from your tired, overstimulated cunt, your mouth opening in a silent moan before collapsing back on the seat.

the sight proved to be too much for issei as he felt his body tense, his own orgasm washing over him as he emptied himself into his boxers. he fell back onto the ground, in shock of himself coming entirely untouched. he’d never done it before but of course it was you that would bring it out of him. a smile spread across his face at the thought, his head tilting back as he laughed, catching the attention of your worn body.

“what’re y’laughing at?” you slurred, cringing a little at how fucked out you sounded but issei didn’t seem to mind, his face glowing while covered in your slick and cum.

“nothing, nothing, but uh, i have a question.” you felt your heart leap to your chest, your mind already racing with the possibilities. he’s going to say this was a mistake, that we’re just better off as friends. oh god, what if he says i stunk? or the worst pussy he’s ever had? or what if—

“want to go and get a coffee?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face but with an uncharacteristic hint of shyness. the butterflies were back in your stomach as you shyly nodded before allowing him to help clean you up and standing, not missing how he slipped your lacy underwear deep into one of his pockets.

issei’s hand found its way into yours as he said goodbye to his coworkers and boss before leading you out of the cafe, watching you tell an animated retelling of the bullshit that occurred at your job with a warm grin on his face and pink cheeks.

it might not be like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed but if it resulted in getting you by his side? he would do it again and again.

[twst-bs]

NRC Students and an Anxious MC

And with this, I've done all of the students at NRC!! Well, with the nervous MC, anyway, I have some other stuff in the works too.

Also, in case anyone was wondering, I'm open for both requests and commissions!

-----

Ace: “You look awful.”

The Ramshackle Prefect shot Ace a glare, but it lacked their usual fire. “Thanks, Ace.”

“Come on, I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” he caught up with them easily when they turned around to keep walking. “I just meant you looked like you had a rough night. Or like you’re stressed out. You know.”

“Your grave only has to be six feet, Ace, you can stop digging now.”

Ace rolled his eyes. “You aren’t usually this crabby. Seriously, what’s up?”

They sighed. “You’re right, I had a rough night.”

“Any particular reason why? Or just ‘cause?”

The two of them had reached Crewel’s classroom, but they still had a few minutes before they had to be in there. The Prefect bit their lip nervously. “I kind of freaked out last night because of the homework.”

“It was pretty hard, huh?”

“Well, that too,” they crossed their arms, almost like they were trying to hide themself. “But, it’s like...I feel stupid, you know? You guys all know this magic stuff, but I’m struggled to handle even the basics. Then I thought, well, if I can’t handle the basics, I’m going to get punished, and I would deserve it because I’m an idiot, and...you can see how the spiral went.”

Ace was quiet for a moment, studying them with an unreadable expression. Then, he heaved out a side and grabbed their wrist, tugging them into the classroom. “I guess it can’t be helped, then.”

“Huh?”

He plopped unceremoniously into his seat and dug around in his bag. “Be quick about it, okay? Queen only knows what Crewel’s punishment for getting caught copying homework is.”

The Prefect stared at Ace with wide eyes. “Seriously?”

“It’s better than nothing,” Ace shrugged, slapping his notebook down on the desk. “If he says anything, I’ll tell him you helped me word it. Now, come on!”

Deuce: They weren’t getting anywhere.

The longer they stared at the question on their worksheet, the less they could focus. Apparently this was supposed to be basic stuff, but there were so many strange ingredients with different magical properties that they couldn’t keep track. And the more that had to flip back and forth between their textbook and worksheet, the more stupid they felt.

“...right? Hey, are you alright?”

Deuce’s voice broke through the panic that was beginning to set in, and when they finally looked up, his blue eyes were wide with concern.

“What? I’m sorry, Deuce, I kinda...spaced there for a minute.”

That only made the crease in Deuce’s brow deepen. “You looked really freaked out. Is something wrong?”

The two of them had made a habit out of studying in the library together. Since Deuce wasn’t the best student and the Prefect was playing a very intense game of catch up, they figured they could motivate each other while studying. But lately, all they had been able to do was sit there and be anxious about everything.

"I...um…" They absent-mindedly clicked their pen, unable to look Deuce in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked incredulously. "For real, are you alright?"

The genuine worry in his expression made something in them burst. They threw their pen down on the table and buried their face in their hands. "I don't know what I'm doing! I went from magic not existing to suddenly having to study it, and I can't even master the basics! I'm terrified that I'll fail and Crowley will kick me out and -"

"Whoa, whoa, hey, it's okay!" Deuce's chair scraped against the floor as he hurried over to their side, grasping their hands in his. "Everything's gonna be okay."

Their chest heaved as they tried to suck in enough air. "But -"

"Listen," he cut them off. "The stuff you have to deal with is a lot. And I'm sorry for not realizing it earlier. If you want, we can go to Professor Crewel and ask for some tutoring, or even remedial lessons. Whatever you need, I'll help."

Cater: “What are you looking at?”

At the sound of the Ramshackle Prefect’s voice from behind the couch he was sitting on in the Heartslabyul lounge, Cater lolled his head back to grin at them. “Heya! Just scrolling through Magicam, what else is new?”

“That is your favorite pastime, huh?” they leaned on the back of the couch, looking at the screen.

“What are you doing in Heartslabyul, anyway?” he asked.

“Ace thought he could get away with not studying if he ‘forgot’ his textbooks at Ramshackle. I’m returning them before Riddle thinks I was in on it.””

“Yeah, that tracks.”

The two of them lapsed into a companionable silence, the Prefect watching as Cater scrolled. However, out of the corner of his eye, he could see their expression gradually get tighter and tighter, like they were trying to control whatever emotion was trying to show through.

“What’s with that face?”

“What face?” they asked defensively. “This is just my face.”

“That’s the face you make when you start having bad thoughts but don’t want anybody to know.”

“Get out of my head, Cater.”

He snorted, turning so he was sitting sideways on the couch and could get a better look at them. “Come on, tell Cay what’s on your mind.”

They hesitated, picking idly at the loose thread on the couch. “...It’s just me being stupid.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

“...The people on Magicam are way more good-looking than I am.” the finally mumbled, looking away. “I keep wondering when you’ll realize that.”

Cater’s green eyes widened before he giggled. “Nope.”

“Nope what?”

“I won’t realize it,” he reached around them to pull their face closer, kissing them affectionately on the cheek. “Because it’s not true. And whenever you start to think like that, you tell me, so I can reassure you.”

Jack: Something felt off.

Nothing in particular had happened, it was just one of those days. But, it was bad enough that they thought about just going back to Ramshackle instead of waiting for Jack like they normally did. Waiting outside of the classroom just made them feel even more antsy.

Just as they were about to shoot him a text to say that they weren’t feeling well - which wasn’t technically a lie - said wolf came out of the classroom, tail wagging involuntarily when he saw them waiting like it wasn’t an everyday occurrence.

Before he could even greet them, however, his nose scrunched up. Furrowing his eyebrows, he leaned down and began sniffing them.

“Jack, what the hell?”

“You’re nervous about something.”

Right. Nothing could beat that canine sense of smell.

“It’s nothing.” Jack opened his mouth to reply, but they cut him off. “No, literally. Nothing actually happened, it’s just a...a weird day, I guess.”

It was clear from the expression on his face that Jack didn’t quite understand, but the guy was nothing if not sympathetic. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Nah, it should eventually work itself out.” They tried to muster up an encouraging grin, but from the look on Jack’s face, they didn’t quite hit the mark. “I’m fine, Jack, promise.”

His tail had dropped, and his ears were pressed against his head. “...When I get worked up, going for a jog usually helps me. Gets all the energy out.”

They raised an eyebrow. “You and I both know that your jogging is my sprinting.”

“Then I’ll walk and you jog,” he grinned. “If you want to, that is.”

They paused before shrugging. “I probably won’t do a good job on the homework if I’m like this, anyway.”

Floyd: Don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall asleep. Crewel will turn you into a rug if he catches you falling asleep.

Their internal monologue was the only thing preventing them from passing out onto their desk. They had had a hard time falling asleep last night, and of course they were working on sleeping draughts in Alchemy today. The vapor wafting from the cauldron was enough to knock them out.

They hadn’t noticed that their eyes had closed until a hard knock on the classroom door startled them open. When Crewel called out for whoever it was to come in, the door opened to reveal Floyd.

“The Headmaster wants to see Shrimpy!” he sang, leaning against the doorframe. Crewel nodded, motioning with his pointed cane for the Prefect to get out.

Physically shaking themself awake, they stood. Next to them, Ace went “Oooooooh~”

“Trappola, just for that, you’re responsible for giving them the notes for the lesson.”

“Aw, come on!”

They didn’t even have the energy to stick their tongue out like they usually would. They just inched past all of the other students until they were at Floyd’s side. The merman casually slung an arm around their shoulder and steered them out of the classroom.

“What does the Headmaster want?” they asked. It could literally be anything, honestly.

“Oh, I lied!” Floyd giggled. “He doesn’t need to see you at all.”

“Huh?”

“You looked exhausted this morning,” Floyd tugged them closer. Not quite a squeeze, but there was something intensely protective in the embrace. “I figured you could use a nap.”

“So you busted me out of class?”

“Yup! This makes me your favorite, right?” he grinned, showing all of his teeth.

“Definitely.”

Epel: They always did have a nervous stomach.

There was a test in Trein’s class that day. No matter how much they studied the night before, they didn’t feel prepared, and their stomach was committing mutiny in response. They hadn’t been able to eat any breakfast, so now they were nauseated and hungry at the same time. They were either going to puke on the test or eat it, they hadn’t decided yet.

“Are you alright?”

They jumped. They had been so caught up in their own head that they hadn’t even heard Epel approach. “Hey. Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit of test anxiety, haha.”

Epel didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? You look kinda pale.”

“Really, I’m fine. I was just a bit too nervous to eat breakfast.” they insisted.

“Well, that’s not good.” Epel frowned. “You’ll do even worse on the test if you’re hungry.”

Oh, why did he have to phrase it like that? Just the thought made their already roiling stomach turn, and they whined softly as they hugged themself around the middle.

“Ah, wait, I didn’t mean it like that!” he backtracked. “I just meant it won’t do you any good!”

Epel reached into his bag for a moment, mumbling to himself. “I know I have some in here...ah-ha!” he pulled out a bag of dried apple chips. “Here! It’s not exactly a full meal, but it’ll help. And they’re really light, so if you’re sick because of nerves, they won’t upset your stomach.”

“Are you sure?” they asked as Epel handed them the bag.

“Pos’tive.” he grinned. “I’ve got plenty back at the dorm. And Ma’s always sending me stuff from the farm anyway. So go ahead, I don’t want you passing out!”

Sebek: They had no idea what he was talking about.

It was a feat in and of itself to be able to not pay attention to Sebek. The man was a walking lightning bolt. But today was just not a good day, mentally.

A pity, too. They always liked walking around in the woods with Sebek. Something about being in nature and listening to him talk passionately about whatever was on his mind was almost soothing, but it just wasn’t working this time.

“Are you listening?”

They jumped when he said their name. They had gotten so sucked into their own head that they hadn’t noticed him turn his monologue into a conversation. “I’m sorry!”

“What are you sorry for? Is everything alright?” he looked them up and down with sharp amber eyes, scanning for anything that could present any danger. “Are you ill?”

“No, no, it’s not…” they sighed, shoulders slumping. “I didn’t sleep well last night. Nightmares.”

Bad dreams had been a problem before they arrived in Twisted Wonderland, but now they were really plaguing them. It made concentrating difficult, even on simple things such as a walk with their partner.

Sebek stepped in front of them, forcing them to stop in their tracks. His angular features were serious, thrown into deep contrast from the light of the sun setting between the leaves. He clasped both of their hands in his own, holding them tightly as he looked into their eyes.

“You needn’t worry about such things. I will not let anything harm you, even your own mind.” he squeezed their hands. “On my honor as a knight.”

Silver: Watching Silver train with a sword was...something else.

They could watch him all day, going after the training dummy like it was actually an enemy.

Well, usually, they could.

It had been another sleepless night, up worrying about all the various things they needed to do. They only managed to fall asleep around four AM, and they needed to be at their first class by eight, so they hadn’t exactly gotten well-rested. They were impressed that they had managed to stay awake during their lessons, but now it was catching up to them.

The warm sun shining on their face and the rhythmic swishing of Silver’s practice sword was vaguely soothing, and before they really knew it they had slumped against the tree they were sitting under, fast asleep.

When they awoke, they were moving. It took a minute to gather themself, and they blinked sleepily at their surroundings.

“You can go back to sleep.” Silver’s voice rumbled against their side. He was carrying them. “We aren’t that far from Ramshackle.”

“...You could have woken me up.” they mumbled, nuzzled closer to his chest. “I would have walked.”

“You looked so peaceful.” he responded, adjusting his grip. “Unless you want me to put you down?”

“No.” they sighed. “This is nice. Me and Grim are always saying that it takes forever to get to Ramshackle from anywhere in the school, I’ll take the ride.”

Silver chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to their forehead. “Go to sleep.”