#(sometimes i listen to a song once like it then forget about it until it pops up on my shuffle and then im like ??)

[peachcitt]

🎧 !!

music ask game

the world ends with you by newgrounds death rugby

thanks for asking!!

[lacroixwh0r3]

Joel, the Magician

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Joel wants to try something new in the bedroom.

Warnings: SMUT!! pet names, porn with little plot, PiV, use of toys (vibrator), cursing, teasing, dom!joel, joel has a foot fetish (SORRY LMAO), squirting, blindfolding during sex, overstimulation, joel also lowkey has a praise kink, "i love you" at the end, I think that's it (let me know if I missed anything!)

Song inspo (feel free to listen if you want): Religion by Lana Del Rey

A/N: I did not read over this lol this was something I wrote on a whim because I feel like I’ve been neglecting y’all and lowkey was inspired eek, please enjoy!🫶🏾

“Baby, I wanna try something new," Joel looks up from his phone and over at you. "What do you think?”

You, not even paying attention to him, simply agreed to whatever he asked as you continued to read your book. It wasn’t that you didn’t care to listen to him, but the book you were reading was beginning to get interesting, and you were too captivated. 

A mistake on your part. 

“Don’t you wanna know what it is?” Joel asked you, hoping you would press for more information. 

“Not right now, honey,” you tell him distantly. “As soon as I’m done reading, we’ll talk some more.” 

Joel grumbled under his breath something about your book as he looked back at his phone and purchased the item he knew you’d thoroughly enjoy—you both could enjoy it together. 

...

Eventually, days passed and Joel still didn't get the chance to tell you what he wanted to try. You didn't ask, therefore, he thought that maybe it was insignificant to you.

Matter of fact, he forgot all about the item he had order until one day it had finally arrived while you were out running some errands. Joel contemplated telling you about his brand new purchase when you got home, but ultimately decided against it.

After unboxing it, he play with the toy in his hand, feeling the vibrations intensify every time he pushed the button on it. He hadn't even placed it on the charger yet and the vibrations were still intense. His dick jumped at just the mental image of you using it while he watched or him using it on you.

It was as if a light had switched on in his head when he decided that he was going to teach you a lesson. Something you wouldn't forget.

And since tomorrow was date night for the two of you, Joel decided it was going to be perfect to surprise you afterwards.

With a grin on his face, Joel placed the toy on the charger and hid it on his side of the bed, between the headboard and the mattress, before grabbing the boxes and throwing them away before you got home.

...

After a long night out, the only thing you and Joel wanted was to be home.

Date night was a success to say the least—the two of you could hardly keep your hands off of each other the whole night. Joel would try to act like the gentleman he was, but he couldn't himself. Sometimes, he would reach under your tiny dress and tease you over your skimpy little thong or grazing his fingers up your thigh. You weren't any better either though, constantly rubbing your hands over his erection, acting as if it was an accident. Poor Joel having to dismiss himself while he adjusted his pants.

The car ride back home wasn't any better either.

"Darlin', please," he pleaded with you, gripping the steering wheel hard as he tried to focus on the road. "I'm tryna get you home safe, just give it a few and we'll be home shortly." He says, making you pull your lips away from his neck and dropping your hands in your lap.

He peaks over at you to see you pouting out the window. "Oh c'mon, baby. Stop with the pouting." He slightly chuckles as he reaches for your hand in your lap and place a kiss on top of it, making your heart flutter. "You know it's all yours once we get home, right?"

And Joel was not lying when he said this.

The moment you two got home you dashed to your shared bedroom and began stripping yourselves out of your clothes.

As you slipped off your thong, Joel goes to the walk in closet and emerged out with an old tie of his that he rarely wore.

"Joel, baby, what are you doing?" You asked him, confused on why he would need a tie at this moment.

He doesn't respond—he just walks closer to you and kisses you hard, which catches you by surprise. Just as you began to kiss him back, Joel breaks the kiss by gently pushing you down to sit on the bed.

It then clicked in your head at what he was about to do.

You and Joel never blind folded each other during sex before, it just wasn't something either of you were interested in, but you didn't mind trying it out with him for the first time.

"I'm gonna put this around your eyes, is that okay?" He asked you softly as he peered down at you. You nodded your head and he immediately began tying it, ensuring that it wasn't too tight around your head.

"Alright, now lay down on the middle of the bed while I get something," was all he says as he walks to his side of the bed. You wiggle onto the bed some more and lay down.

You just lay there as you listen to him open his night stand and shuffle things around. You're making me nervous, Joel. What are you doing?" You asked as you cover your body with your arms, feeling cold. He then closes is shut and makes his way back to the foot of the bed.

"You gotta trust me, baby," he says to you as he gets on the bed between your legs, pushes them wider, and pauses. "Do you trust me?"

You felt so vulnerable at that moment.

"I do, but I'm a little nervous, that's all." You tell him meekly.

"You have nothing to be nervous about, doll. I'd never do anything to harm you, I swear it on my life," He says and you believe him with your whole heart.

"If you aren't comfortable with anything, you tell me. You got it?"

"Yes, Joel." You say as you nod your head.

"Good," Joel says as he drops the heavy mystery object onto the bed next to the two of you and then grabs your calf to pull you close to him. "Now, I'm gonna fuck that pretty pussy so good," he mumbles as he kisses from your knee, down to your ankle, making you squirm and let out a soft whine.

You feel your whole body tingle the moment his wet lips meet your skin and his heavy cock nudges against your wet clit. He draws his hips back and invites himself into your opening, forcing an airy gasp out of you. "So fuckin' tight," Joel nearly moaned.

Your legs immediately spread wider and your hips shudder against him, wanting him to go deeper. "Feel so good, honey," you moan as he teases your clit, making sure to spread your wetness all over where you two were connected.

His strokes were slow and borderline teasing. "She's so wet for me, baby. So fuckin' wet," he says as if he was in disbelief. You wished you could see the look on his face, seeing those gorgeous brown eyes looking down at you while he made you feel good.

"It's all because of you," you whimper. "It's always you." You could feel his cock twitch inside of you every time you spoke to him; Joel loved when you praised him.

"Mmhmm, that's right, baby. It's always gonna be me makin' you feel this good." He tells you as he rubs circles around your clit. While he does this, you feel him grip your ankle, removing it from his shoulder.

Suddenly, you feel the warmth of his mouth around your toes, making you gasp and moan at the same time. "J-Joel, you can't do that, stop." You try to say as sternly as possible, but with what you are feeling, you can't help it. You even go as far as to try to remove your toes from his mouth, but he holds a tight grip on you. "This isn't normal," You plead but to no avail, he keeps going.

You could feel yourself relax as he slips your toe from his mouth. However, that relaxation quickly came to an end.

"Good thing we ain't normal, baby," he says before slipping your other toe into his mouth and groaning around them.

You almost scolded him, but as you go to do so, the head of his cock nudges the spot in you perfectly. "You're gonna make me cum, oh my god!" You warn him as you feel your whole body clench, including your pussy. The way he sucked and licked felt similar to what he would do to your clit.

He grunts and stops immediately once you say this.

You felt so ashamed about enjoying this because this was something that you never in your life thought about doing, like ever. Yet, there you were getting your toes sucked by the man that you love and it was turning you on.

Joel moves your foot from his mouth and widens both of your legs. "The fun hasn't even started yet and you're already bout to cum for me, such a dirty girl," He teases, making you tremble with anticipation. "You like being a dirty girl, don'tcha?"

You didn't even need to see his face to know he had that handsome smirk on his face.

"Only for you, Joel," you sigh with pleasure, angling your hips so he could fuck

"That's right, sweet girl." He praises you as he grabs the object from beside you. You feel as he places the bulbous head of the object on top of your clit and you couldn't quite tell what it was, but your clit pulses with excitement.

"What's tha-" You were about to ask, but before you could even do that you were cut off by a powerful vibration against your clit. "H-holy fu-baby? what the f-fuck is that?" You try to reach for the toy, but Joel quickly stops you.

"Move your fuckin' hands before I tie them up next," he threatened. His tone was so harsh; it should've scared you, but it pushed you beyond arousal. You loved it when he was rough with you in the bedroom. You believed it balanced perfectly with how he usually treated you outside the bedroom—so soft, so tender, so lovingly.

You do as he says, now gripping at your breast. "Look at that, always listenin' to me like a good girl," he praises you as he steadily drives his cock into you.

"Please, harder, Joel." You whimper, tweaking your nipples. "I need you to fuck me harder."

Joel nearly came inside of you once you said that, but had fortunately recovered. He knew that if he came, he was going to cum hard and he would probably need to rest afterward.

He does what you demand and drives himself into you harder as he grinds the wand against your clit. With every thrust, you let out a squeak, not from discomfort, but from pleasure.

You loved everything about this.

He could feel you clenching around him, trying to withhold your orgasm, but this wasn't like any other time. This time he wanted you to cum as much as you could without any restraint. "Don't hold it, darlin'. I want you to cum all over my cock." Joel huffs out as he keeps up his pace.

After he said that, you let out little gasps as you got closer to cumming. He focused himself on you, watching the sheen of sweat cover your body as you breathed heavily and squirmed.

The head of Joel's cock nudged your g-spot perfectly along with the perfect placement of the vibratory, leaving you shaking. You whispered to Joel for him to keep going until you couldn't speak anymore. Your trembles had grown stronger and your head fell back as you released the loudest noise Joel had ever heard from you thus far.

"So fuckin' beautiful while you come on my cock,"

You felt like your soul was everywhere, but in your body at that moment. And no matter how tired Joel was, he continued his hard strokes.

"J-Joel," You sputtered as you felt another orgasm bubbling up. "I'm gonna-i'm gonna cum again."

Joel didn't say anything.

Instead, he slows his thrust to the point that you can barely get any pleasure and holds the button to turn off the toy before dropping it on the bed.

“Wha-what’d you do that for?” you whine loudly, as you left your head from the bed, still unable to see. He grabs your flailing hands that were once desperate to hold something and brings them to the wand.

Joel’s grip was tight as he made a fist around the silicone. “You wanna hold somethin’? hold onto this,” Joel groans out as the wand jolts back to life on your clit again, but this time he double-clicks it. This time, the vibrations were much harsher than before. “you’re gonna help me while I fuck you s'more.”

You nearly started to scream as you tightly held it in place. Joel almost had you folded like a pretzel the way that he nearly placed his weight on you as he held the back of your knees so your legs were wide open. You could feel the stretch of your legs and knew you would be sore the next morning, but you could also feel yourself clench around him at the thought. This makes Joel hunch over you more and groan loudly.

He tries to start this thrust again, but his hips sharply shutter against you, feeling the intense vibration at his base. But Joel was going to persist through it; he was going to fuck you regardless of how much the pleasure made his whole body weak.

He pounded into your sopping-wet pussy. Usually, he would talk you through your orgasms, letting out his sexy groans from time to time. But right now, Joel released these noises that you could only describe as primal, and they were just as sexy, if not more.

"C-Cum for me, honey." You encourage him, attempting to get him to cum. "Are you gonna cum for me? Are you gonna cum all over me?" you purred.

He lets out a noise in agreement, his relentless pounding never wavering. With your free hand, you snatch the tie from around your eyes and throw its neck to the two of you, needing to see Joel's gorgeous face as he fucked you.

The moment you locked eyes with him, your legs quivered and shook. Your hole pulsed around him as you came around him once more, only this time you could feel this pressure that felt like you were going to pee.

You didn't feel it often, but it was a familiar sensation that happened once and only ever with Joel.

"Oh my god, Joel, I'm gonna sq-" and before you could finish your sentence your eyes fluttered back and the liquid began spurting out whenever Joel thrust back. When he looked down and realized what was happening, Joel knew he was done for.

"Fuuck, baby," he moaned as he pulled out of you and placed the tip of his cock against the wand, and jerked off his shaft. His warm cum jetted out far onto your torso and stomach while his hips jerked.

Finally, you caught the end of him cumming after it felt like you were placed back on earth. "Look at you, baby, so beautiful when you cum for me," you whispered as you ran your fingers through his cum on you.

You realize he is done when he releases his cock and grabs the wand from your hands before turning it off and throwing it somewhere on the bed. he falls down on the bed as he tries to catch his breath.

You cover your eyes with the inside of your arm, too exhausted to do anything. You both were.

"I love you, Joel Miller," you mumble, not even waiting for him to say it before falling into a deep sleep. You knew he loved you and that's all that mattered.

...

A/N: OKAYYY! I feel like a freak for writing that, but I hope y'all loved it. please reblog, share, like, and comment if you want<333

[wonryllis]

𓈒ㅤ𑁯 YOU KNOW I WANT YOU, ! ˚ യ

is here in your perfect eyes, they're all i can see, just know that these things will never change for us at all. would you lie with me and just forget the world?

lee heeseung with fem!reader in the city of love. ⋆ ARCHIVE? g. fluff, s2l, wordcnt. 550 chasing cars; snow patrol

ROCK BAND FRONTMAN heeseung who also happens to be your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR, stumbling into you the first time when you're moving your amazon packages you accidentally ordered to his apartment number. caught right in the middle of picking up the last box, your pretty eyes looking up at him all wide and surprised.

like a little bunny caught stealing berries— he's hooked right from the beginning.

"hey, i'm heeseung," ordering his packages to your door so he can start a little something, to know your name, to know what your voice sounds like. to let you know you he is open to talk to you given any chance.

always trying to find opportunities to bump into you, looking through the peephole whenever he's home to see if you'd head out, ready with either 'taking out the trash' or 'going out for groceries' he's so desperate to get close to you, always offering to help you out with anything and everything. sometimes calling you over to listen to a new draft or to have a taste of the new recipe he tried. it shows on his face, just how he feels. and he doesn't mind it, he wants you to know; it's not a secret he tries to hide.

"it's easy, i can teach you," offering to teach you how to play the guitar when you awe over his skills. the thought of having his hands over yours, guiding them to hit the strings right, his face right next to yours, cheeks touching; it was a step closer.

slow and steady was his plan.

but once he knew of how you'd been here only for a one year work program, he realizes there isn't enough time to take it slow. and from then on he's actively pursuing you. asking you out on dates, even though he doesn't specifically tell you it's a date, the things he takes you out for are obvious enough. expensive restaurants and famous bakeries, pretty parks and romantic plays, boating picnics and city tours to show you all the places he'd bring you to every weekend.

waiting right outside the building with breakfast, in the morning when you leave for work to walk with you and drop you off. sometimes he'd wait outside your door but after you told him he doesn't need to do so much for you, he stubbornly opted to wait downstairs, telling you he's heading to work too. his studio on the other side and his 'work' starting whenever he wants it to.

sometimes he would ask you to come over for help because he can't write anything and having you close gives him inspiration. sitting with you out in the balcony, coffee mugs in hand while he makes you laugh, your pretty little smile flooding his mind with hearts and fuzzy feelings.

sending flowers to your workplace at lunch along with little desserts and sweet little notes telling you he'll keep trying until the end.

slowly as you accept him and his love, he'd invite you to his shows, giving you vip passes for backstage so you can be with before and after he's on stage. dedicating songs to a special someone and talking about everything he loves about you, he's smitten; wondering what he'd do when the year is over.

taglist ( open. ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @jayujus @brachives @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @eeunoia @nxzz-skz @shawnyle @potato0579 @enhastolemyheart @belowbun @ro-diaries @ms-no1kpopstan @aaa-sia @okwonyo

[kokabeeeel]

when dean first got the impala from his dad, he made a bunch of his own mixtapes to play in it, just incase john wanted his cassettes back. he made one dedicated to each member of his family: his dad, his mum - even if she wasn't around anymore - and sammy.

driving little sammy around, he would play the tape dedicated to their mother, wanting sammy to get a feel for the person their mother was; even if sammy doesn't remember her, he should still be allowed to know her.

with sammy in the car, he never played his john tape or his sammy tape.

as the years went by, he updated the tapes sometimes, mainly the one dedicated to sammy; he didn't like messing around with the one for his mother and he didn't spend a whole lot of time away from john to feel the need to add new songs to the tape.

when sam left for college, he wiped the sammy tape for the first time and made it into something new: songs sammy liked, songs that reminded him of his brother, songs that seemed to scream his feelings about him.

dean didn't like pearl jam that much, but sam did, so sammy's favourite pearl jam songs made it on there. 'bitch' by the rollings stones made it on there, mainly because of the little back and forth he and sammy did: "jerk." "bitch." "bitch." "jerk."

then there were the songs that he never wanted people hear him dedicate to his brother; sappy love songs, power ballads, songs about pining and missing someone - everything he shouldn't feel about his brother.

'amanda' by boston was the the first song on the tape, but whenever brad delp would sing amanda, he would sing samantha over the top of it.

halfway through the tape, eddie money's song 'think i'm in love' can be heard. he hates that its there, hates that he feels that way about his brother but he can't help it; he just can't help it.

the last song on the tape is the song 'screaming in the night' by krokus. its the lyrics: 'screaming in the night, fighting for my life, i'd die for you. i knew it all along, headed for the sun, our love was true', has dean in tears he can't listen to the song in its entirety; only once he has an entire bottle of whiskey in his system can he have the guts to.

there are countless songs on there, but there is never a b-side; not even with copious amounts of whiskey in his system does dean have the ability to listen to sammy's tape that long.

picking up sam from stanford, dean pushes the tape so far down into the box, he almost forgets about it; buried deep in there probably next to the tape about mary, no where near the tape about john - he had binned that tape the night sammy left. but when sam throws himself into the cage, saving the world but leaving dean all alone, he digs through the box and finds the tape, playing it as he drives away from the graveyard.

it isn't until he pulls the tape out does he realise there is now a b-side; sams messy handwriting just legible enough for dean to make out his own name.

playing that side of the tape, the first song he hears is 'thank you' by led zeppelin and dean has to pull the car over just so he doesn't crash.

for the entirety of the tape, dean sits on the side of the road, listening to each and every song with tears in his eyes. there's 'here today' by paul mccartney, 'the one i love' by r.e.m - even though sam knows dean hates r.e.m, and it makes dean let out a painful chuckle.

one of the ones that hurts most is chicago's 'if you leave me now' and dean has to pause the song and skip it because he can't, he just can't.

song after song: 'brothers in arms' by dire straits, 'love to love' by ufo, even 'heat of the moment' by asia and that stops dean in his tracks because sammy didn't know if he was coming back - even though sammy buried him instead of making him a pyre, he didn't know if dean would be coming back - and wanted to wake up from all of this; return to the mystery spot and have all the answers they have now, so much earlier on.

much like how sammy felt, dean doesn't know if his brother will ever return to him; if he'll ever be able to confess with words, rather than songs, how he feels about his brother. what he can do though, is kiss the tape that holds their love and play it - listen to it in its entirety because after all, it holds all the answers to the epic love story of sam and dean winchester.

[cherriegyuu]

midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

yn 

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin, 

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

��Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt,  like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

yn

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control. 

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks. 

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple. 

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him. 

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him. 

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said. 

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire. 

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again. 

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before. 

He smiled over your skin. 

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor. 

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side. 

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck. 

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed. 

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn. 

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again. 

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful. 

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker. 

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time. 

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes. 

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then. 

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant. 

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically. 

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again. 

I love you,  the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once. 

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it. 

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him. 

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you. 

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you. 

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place. 

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room. 

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much. 

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side. 

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair. 

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him. 

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

yn

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home. 

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well,  again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

yn

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[pompyoly]

Redacted headcannons BUT some of them are actually cannon

After Vincent got turned and William was positive he wouldn’t go on a bloodlust spree he would sometimes go out and forget he was rich

Asher was one of those overly excited tall scrawny kids who would get colorful bands on his braces

Aaron and Elliot would play as duo characters for every video game that allowed the player to select characters

Gavin would know how to do things but wouldn’t know how he knew how to do them

Laskos powers sometimes happen as a reflex like his fight or flight instinctively turns into float the second he feels his body falling or if he’s on high places(you wouldn’t catch this man on any roller coaster)

Sam has an old outdated picture of him and his grandmother that’s in black and white

All earth elementals are naturally strong, Water elementals are naturally smart, Fire elementals are naturally determined, and Air elementals are naturally focused

Milo and Sam’s family bloodline has/had problems with addiction so they never associate with alcohol or smoking with the fear that they could get addicted

Quinn used to “joke” with Darlin when they were still together by grabbing them and pretending to turn them when they weren’t paying attention and to this day they wonder if he was serious about biting them

Asher was one of those kids who would listen to old metal songs over and over(AND OVER) again until he learned the lyrics

Sam does own a cowboy hat and the Shaw pack(main 8) has made “save a horse, ride a cowboy” jokes(Sam doesn’t know wtf they’re talking about)

Darlin would lie to Gabe and David’s mom about their parents letting them stay over because they wouldn’t wanna go home

Lasko wears sweaters WITH EVERYTHING

Gavin got his music taste from FL when they first started meeting up claiming that he wanted to get closer to them rather than having sex with them

Darlin and Sam were cautious when they had their first time always asking each other if they were okay before, between, and afterwards

David’s contact name in the pack phones is “Davey” but they’ll never admit that to his face(he currently knows that Asher and Angel have it as theirs)

Gavin has nipple piercings and a tongue piercing(he has tried to convince Lasko to get one)

Darlin has a slight degrading kink that you could NEVER get them to admit(Sam found that out when they once started crying and he thought he hurt them and was flabbergasted when they told him to do it again)

ALL of Asher’s shoes are dirty except for his dress shoes and Milo gets so pissed when he wears nice sneakers and creases them or gets them dirty

Angel and Baabe both like kpop specifically Ateez and seventeen

Sam has a house in the woods and prefers a working house over a cute one(he has a porch swing)

Sam doesn’t like talking about his family but could go hours talking about his grandma

David hates the nickname “Dave”(don’t ask me why I just feel like he does)

Darlin once thought they hurt sams feelings and disappeared for days until they came back with a gift for him and waited until he saw it before talking to him(they’re terrible at apologizing and refused to tell Sam where they went while they were gone)

Porter always kisses Treasure's knuckles

FL has once broken a comb in caelums hair(but was so confused when they were able to move their hands through his hair)

The younger Shaw pack had a clubhouse in the woods in an abandoned cabin that Gabe helped David clean up

TS TOOK ME ALMOST 3 HOURS I QUIT(I’m lying:3 GM AND GN It’s currently 4:36 IN THE MORNING)

[alexsoenomel]

Random Joel Miller Headcanons:

Joel was an early bird, always had been, so naturally he would wake up before you to make breakfast and coffee.

He liked taking care of you. He was a man of a few words; didn't say much, but his actions spoke louder than words.

He liked when you would play with his hair whenever he couldn't sleep and you liked the way his soft gray locks felt between your fingers.

He was not the one to tell you what to do, but he would sometimes get very protective, like a guard dog, to the point where he would forget you were in fact an adult. He would try to control you, tell you what you can and can't do, but it never worked with you. It would always end with you telling him to fuck off.

Joel loved teaching you how to play guitar. He loved watching you as you would get lost and bit your lower lip as you tried to play a simple note. He thought you were cute whenever you would get frustrated.

Bickering, lots and lots of bickering. He was twice your age and you enjoyed reminding him of that.

"Not bad for a man in his 70s," you told him once, panting and covered in sweat after multiple orgasms he gave you.

"I'm 56, dumbass," he told you, trying to catch his breath.

"Perv," you teased.

"Oh, fuck off."

He would wake up in the morning because of you, he would try to live and not just survive because of you. Everything he would now do, he would do it because of you.

You loved to snuggle with him, especially during winter, because that man was a walking, taking heather.

Music. He loved sharing his favorite songs with you. You loved how excited he would get, when you actually knew the song.

Showering together; the purest form of intimacy. You loved washing his hair and he loved washing yours. He loved feeling your body under his rough fingertips.

Night drives. You loved watching him drive and the silence of the night, so every once in a while you would go on a drive in the middle of the night, listening to music, eating junk food under the stars, or you would pull over to the side of the road and fuck. Handprints all over foggy windows were a regular occurrence.

Animalistic sex. He loved making you scream in pleasure to the point where you couldn't take it anymore. He loved making you his in every position, location and at any given time. Biting, sucking, scratching -- he loved everything. Age was just a number in his ID; that man fucked like he was in his 20s.

He loved hearing you whimper and fall apart under him. He loved the way you would forget everything but the sound of his name whenever he would fuck you.

Slow sensual sex. Even though he loved fucking you senseless he also loved making love to you. He loved worshipping every inch of your body, taking his sweet time, teasing you until you couldn't take it anymore. He loved the way you would look at him. He was aware how much he was loved by you, but still thought he didn't deserve it.

Kissing. That man loved to kiss. Your neck was his favorite spot. You loved to bite his lower lip, just to tease him, since he would always get hard from it. He loved the way you would play with his lip between your teeth.

"Stop biting me, we are in public."

"Make me."

The first time he told you he loved you was in the bedroom. His guard was down, he was pounding in and out of you slowly as you were digging your nails into his shoulder blades. He still had no idea why he said it, but there was something about you that day. You were completely lost in him, telling him how good he was, how handsome he looked and how he made you feel so so good. He couldn't help himself. He whispered a soft I love you into your ear before you came, moaning his name over and over. "I love you too, handsome," you told him before kissing him. He would never forget it.

Enjoy me being delulu y 'all. Still struggling to write and feeling like shit. Hopefully it will pass soon, it's quite annoying.

[eloquent-edits]

AAAAA DO YOU HAVE MORE FWB PROMPTS THAT SEVERELY TOW THE LINE OF A AND B BEING IN LOVE 😭🩷??

BOY DO I HAHA

🗡️ How can I be friends with this thing called love?

you don’t love me, let me hold you again 🗡️ friends with benefits prompts 🗡️ 18+ prompts

Character A and Character B carpool to events together and usually they take that time to rile each other up, but it’s shifting to deeper, more vulnerable conversations

A, known for hardly ever dressing up, decides to throw B for a loop and go full out for one of their sessions (B has to bite their tongue on telling A they’re beautiful)

B is an absolute sucker for head scratches and A knows this, so they take every chance they can to give that to B

A brings a slice of cake from a family event over to B’s place out of love kindness, and apparently it is B’s favorite flavor (A stows this knowledge away and brings B that cake whenever possible)

“You know, my parents commented that I seem a lot more relaxed and happy around you.” “Seems like I just have that effect on people.”

A is very careful about what’s allowed to be said in bed, but B slips up once and it hits A like a TRUCK oh my gods they want to hear that again and again and again

A takes B out to a park at midnight to spar and they end up sprawled in the grass, laughing and holding each other close while watching the stars above

B sheepishly admits that they sometimes want to save A’s pictures—but not the spicy or sexy ones, just the everyday casual ones!

B pops into the background of A’s call ONCE and later, Character C asks if that’s A’s new partner (this is legitimately what happened to me LMAO)

Both are accident-prone, so a lot of time is spent tending to wounds and ensuring the other person is not in pain

A originally had a boundary of not kissing B goodnight for their emotional sanity, but they accidentally did it once and keep meaning to stop but they dON’T

“Your kisses are so sweet,” B murmurs as A’s lips trace and press against their skin.

Character C, one of B’s best friends, hangs out with A and B twice and comments that they are cute together

^ Both blush and A pulls slightly away from B while B jokes about how terrible it is to have A around with a big grin on their face

^^ As B makes some new friends, C mentions how A is exactly what B’s been looking for over the years

Historically, A didn’t want to sleep over at a FWB’s place to keep feelings from developing, but it’s so easy for them to fall asleep next to B

^ The first time this happened, A and B woke up well-rested and tangled up in each other (which is a miracle because both of them have problems with sleep)

During the Christmas season, A’s family puts up mistletoe over the main entryway. While no one is looking, A hesitantly, carefully pulls B into a kiss under it.

A and B gravitate towards each other even across a big room full of other people, somehow knowing when the other’s gaze is on them

A has a photo collection on their fridge of their favorite moments and over time more and more photos of B are put up

“Oh how were things going with C? You seemed interested in them.” “Eh, they’re cool but we didn’t really click. The banter wasn’t as… good, y’know?” “Damn! Well, if they can’t banter then they’re not the right person for you.”

B doesn’t listen to many song recommendations from friends but goes out of their way to listen to what A suggests (“That was the worst song I’ve ever listened to, that was SO CURSED.”)

After A and B finish belting a song together, A admits that singing songs together is sort of like a love language for them

While weaving through a crowd, A takes B’s hand to keep them close (and totally doesn’t forget to let go until much, much later)

B pulls away as A tries to kiss them deeper, more passionately. Thumb caressing their cheek, B whispers, “I want to take this slow. I… want to remember this moment.”

[another-lost-mc]

SATAN x gn!Reader 2.5k Words | NSFW | Smut -> Prompts: Kissing on the Dance Floor & "Don't blush, I liked it" & Sleepy Cuddles Content warnings: Jealousy (Reader), making out/grinding in public, oral sex/fingering (Reader receiving), penetrative sex. [ Obey Me! Masterlist ]

The House of Lamentation is surprisingly quiet most Friday evenings. Lucifer goes to his private study and nurses a glass of Demonus while he listens to his cursed records. Levi stays up late playing online games with his friends. Beel goes out with his Fangol teammates after their practice, and Belphie usually naps in his room waiting for him to get back. Mammon goes to the casino or a modeling gig if he has one booked, and Asmo likes to spend his night at The Fall or one of the other clubs. 

Before you and Satan started dating each other, he used to go out with Asmo most Friday nights too. It gave him a chance to blow off steam and he could forget about his troubles, if only for a few hours. If he was feeling particularly riled up, he followed a witch or lust demon to an empty bathroom stall or dark corner for a little carnal relief. Sometimes he accompanied Asmo to after-parties where he had his pick of whoever he wanted; he would go home afterwards, in the early hours of the morning, feeling more relaxed with no regrets.

Asmo still asks him to go out every once in a while, but his invitation naturally includes you, too. Most of the time, Satan prefers to stay home with you while the others are distracted with their own plans. He doesn’t always say it, but he cherishes your moments of quiet domesticity together and he doesn’t like taking them for granted.

Tonight he gives you the look, the one that says, I would love to dance with you tonight, but only if you want to, love. He smiles at you and reaches for your hand when you nod, and Asmo claps excitedly and urges you both to hurry up and change.

There’s a pop song blaring through the club speakers and it reverberates through the dance floor. Satan’s hands are on your waist and you’re both swaying together along with the music. His eyes stare into yours, and even in the dim club lights, you can see how fondly he looks at you. His smile is more reserved in public, but no less kind or loving.

You offer him nervous smiles of your own, but the crowd around you is distracting. All of the Avatars of Sin naturally draw attention when they go out, and it’s easy to forget that Satan is something of a celebrity in the Devildom. Some of the other club-goers hover in the vicinity, their faces displaying a mixture of unashamed desire for Satan and thinly-veiled jealousy of you. You do your best to ignore it, but dancing and nerves make sweat form along the back of your neck, and you think you need a break.

When the song ends, you point over your shoulder and let Satan know that you’re going to use the washroom and get some water. He offers to go with you, but you shake your head and tell him you won't be long. He doesn't want anything for himself when you ask, but kisses your cheek and urges you to hurry back. His beaming smile is infectious, and you wonder if you're worrying about nothing.

You’re only gone for a few minutes. The bathroom is surprisingly empty and you take a moment to splash your face with cool water and take some deep, calming breaths. You look better leaving than you did when you entered. You head to the bar next; the bartender smiles and slides you an icy-cold glass bottle of water. You gulp down nearly half the bottle in one go and laughter bubbles out of you as you finish your drink happily; you're not normally a jealous person, and you feel so silly.

The current song has a heavy bass line, and the atmosphere in the club feels heavier now too; the demons grind against their dance partners in a way that makes your cheeks grow warm.

You push into the crowd until you spot a familiar head of blonde hair peeking through. You’re about to call out to Satan, but you choke on his name—there’s a witch hanging off one of his arms and an incubus leaning over his other shoulder. You can’t hear them because of the blaring music, but Satan looks annoyed with their persistent attempts to lure him into a dance.

The jealousy you tried to ignore earlier surges through you all over again, and seeing others paw at your lover for attention so shamelessly causes something in you to snap. You march towards them—as best as you can, considering you have to fight the crowd of dancers to get there—and Satan’s face lights up with relief when he sees you. He calls your name while he nudges away his old club acquaintances, but you surprise him by reaching for the collar of his shirt and pulling him into a kiss. He isn’t expecting it and he stumbles towards you, and the busybodies clinging to him fall away.

He grunts against your mouth but it quickly turns into a moan as he melts into the kiss. He opens his lips so your tongue can flick greedily at his. One of his hands cradles the back of your neck while the other slides down your body and curls around your hip. Everything else seems to fade away except for the hot, needy kisses you share. You pull back with a gasp when the passionate kiss leaves you breathless, and Satan licks his lips with a dazed expression on his face. 

The others who were trying to get his attention disappeared into the crowd. The victorious satisfaction you feel is quickly replaced by embarrassment, and you stare at your feet and mumble apologies for your impulsive behaviour.

Satan lifts your chin up with his finger and his eyes almost seem to glow in the dark, blazing brightly with affection for you. “I liked it,” he says loud enough for you to hear over the music as he leans forward to kiss you again. This kiss is softer but no less thrilling, and when both his hands are settled on your hips, he encourages you to move with him as a new song starts to play.

Something changes between you as the music’s rhythm guides your movements. Satan urges your hips to press flush against his so he can grind against you, and his hands slowly curl past the swell of your hip so he can grope at your ass. You’re pressed together chest-to-hip, and his hardening cock rubs against you as you move together. He brushes his lips across your temple and down the side of your face, and he licks at the sweat beading along your jaw and down your neck. He nips lightly at your skin with his teeth; you bite your lip to suppress the urge to whine.

He gives up all pretense of dancing when he slips a thigh between your legs and gives you friction to alleviate the burning desire building deep in your belly. Your fingers cling to his shirt and by the time the song ends, you’re nearly delirious with lust for him. He raises his head and his eyes are nearly blown black; his cock twitches against you and he moans when you grind against him just a little more.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggests with a rough voice, and he doesn’t even wait for your response—he leads you by the hand off the dance floor like a demon possessed, and he takes you home the fastest way he knows how.

Satan kicks at the front door with his foot, and he crowds you against the wall as the door slams shut. He crushes his lips against yours and groans into your mouth when your fingers tangle in his hair and pull him even closer. 

The hand on the small of your back coaxes your body into a deeper arch against him, and his other hand slides under the waistband of your pants and into your underwear. You break the kiss to tilt your head back against the wall and moan while his lips instantly latch onto your exposed throat. He scrapes the sensitive skin with his teeth and chases the taste of your sweat-slicked skin.

"Want you," you whimper even as your hands find purchase in his shirt and you give him more access to your neck. You bite your lip to muffle your moans as his greedy fingers explore between your legs. 

"Fuck, me too," he pants, but he can't seem to stop touching you either; your skin is so soft and warm. "Your room's closer than mine,” he mumbles as he reluctantly pulls his hand away. The musky scent of your arousal floods his senses, and he's so tempted to drag you down to the floor and mount you right here in the hallway.

"Please," you beg, and he finally relents. You freeze in place when he lifts his glistening fingers and sucks them into his mouth. He hums appreciatively at the taste and smirks around his fingers when he realizes you’re staring.

You can’t take much more of this. You spin on your heel and head towards your room knowing he's not even a step behind you. You're already tugging your shirt over your head when you open the door to your room; he follows you inside and locks the door behind him. He fumbles with his belt and unbuttons his own shirt as his greedy eyes roam your half-naked body. You rummage clumsily through your nightstand for a bottle of lube and toss it onto the bed.

You lay down while he walks towards you, leaving a trail of his discarded clothing on the floor. He's completely bare to you by the time he kneels between your legs. He flicks open your button and fly, and you lift your hips off the mattress so he can shimmy your pants off and toss them to the floor.

You prop yourself up on your elbows and spread your legs for him. You feel so desperate as he leaves a trail of hot, opened-mouth kisses over the curve of your belly and down the inside of your thigh. He glances at you from beneath his lashes and finally licks along the edge of your arousal. He grins against your hot, slick skin when you tilt your head back and breathe out a stuttered moan.

You fall back onto the bed and wind your fingers through his hair as his sinful lips suck greedily, teasing more delicious arousal from your body. You scratch his scalp every time his tongue flicks against you, and you writhe against the sheets underneath him. "Come on, fuck me, please?" you whine. You're already so noisy and he's barely touched you. 

Satan’s cock hangs heavy between his legs, and it throbs with every sound you make. No matter how much he wants you, he won't rush this. "Wanna make sure you're ready for me. Don't wanna hurt you," he mumbles against you before he continues his ministrations with his mouth.

He wraps one of his hands around your thigh to keep you steady while his other hand reaches blindly for the lube. It's rushed and sloppy, but he manages to flick the cap open and coat his fingers. He rubs them together so it doesn't feel too cold, but your breath still hitches in anticipation when he circles your entrance.

The slick glide of his first finger inside you rips a breathy moan from your throat. You roll your hips in silent pleas for more, and it's not long before you're fucking yourself on three of his fingers. Your body clenches around the thick digits and he feels how close you are already.

"D'you wanna come on my fingers or my cock?" he asks roughly as he crooks his fingers against the spongy spot inside you.

"Want you inside me," you whine even as you try to take his fingers even deeper inside. "Want you inside me when I come."

There's no way he can possibly refuse you now, and he withdraws his hand from between your legs when he raises up onto his knees and shuffles forward. Your trembling thighs wrap around his waist and the heels of your feet against his back urge him closer.

He braces himself on his arms above you, and you both moan as his cock presses against your entrance and finally slips inside in one long, deep stroke. When you nod, he pulls back and snaps his hips forward. You fist your hands in the sheets to anchor you as his thrusts become faster and harder, his pace quickened by all-consuming lust and unending adoration for you.

Your bedroom fills with the sounds of your bodies moving together, the soft, wet squelch of your body greedily sucking his cock inside your needy hole, and the rhythmic squeaks of your mattress as he attempts to fuck you through it.

You're both cursing and moaning your pleasure, loudly and more frequently as he drives you both towards the edge. He reaches between your bodies and strokes you relentlessly; the hot touch of his hand between your legs again makes you cry out. 

"Come on," he pleads, his own voice quivering as he tries to hold back his pleasure so you can reach yours first. "Come on my cock, baby, fuck–"

A few more precise strokes of his hand and deep, grinding thrusts drive you over the edge, and his name stumbles from your lips in a desperate mantra as he fucks you through the aftershocks. Your release is warm and sticky between your bodies, and he comes undone watching you fall apart. He groans your name, a guttural sound from deep within his chest, and he pumps his hips sloppily against yours as he fills your hole with ropes of hot, sticky cum. 

He gazes at your face with so much intensity, like he's trying to commit everything about this moment to memory. You're both panting heavily and covered in the evidence of your lovemaking. His cock softens and slips out of you, and you moan gently at the sensation of being empty again. He glances down between your bodies and stares with primitive satisfaction as his release trickles out of you and onto the sheets.

He collapses beside you on the bed and pulls you into his arms. Even though you feel overheated and tacky with sweat, you nuzzle into his embrace. He peppers your face with soft, lazy kisses, and he sighs tiredly against your temple.

"We should probably shower," he murmurs. He reaches for a discarded shirt on the floor and cleans some of the mess between your legs. He tosses the shirt away; he'll help you wash the clothes and bedding tomorrow.

"Too tired," you mumble against his chest with a poorly-concealed yawn. His fingers stroke your back gently and you tangle your legs with his. "This is nice," you whisper.

He nods and kisses your brow. "We should go dancing more often," he teases gently, and he laughs when you whine in embarrassment and bury your face in his chest.

[restinslices]

Earth realm boys dating a popstar???? 👀👀👀👀

“Send me ideas guys” *proceeds to hit brain block* I didn’t know if you wanted the Lin Kuei Bros or Syzoth involved but imma add this little rule/guideline(?) so I don’t throw myself down the stairs. So the Earthrealm Boys will be Johnny, Kenshi, Kung Lao, Raiden and Liu Kang. Lin Kuei Bros are Bi-Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas. You can also ask for specific characters but IMMA LET YALL KNOW RIGHT NOW y’all have a limit of FIVE people per post or I’m sleeping in traffic.

Johnny Cage 

If you think Johnny Cage is anything other than excited, you're wrong. 

There's no way he doesn't enjoy dating a pop star. 

He'd tell you how great your names sound together. Johnny Cage the movie star and you the pop star. 

He's probably asked you if your songs can be in his movies. 

I think he'd be extremely supportive. Sometimes a little overbearing. Some people might enjoy him wanting to come to every show, while some people may say “dude, calm down”. 

Your ringtone on his phone is one of your songs for sure 

He also asks for some of your merch for free since ya know, debt 😀

If there's a dance that goes along with it, I can definitely see him learning it and showing you how good (bad) he is 

Please let him be in your music videos. He's on his knees begging 

He has such a huge ego, he'd probably say something like “you can't possibly turn down an A lister like me”

He's so President of your fanclub 

He also posts exclusives of you on his social media 

This may sound selfish but he's hoping your popularity will increase his. When we meet him, his fame is dying out so he's hoping being seen with you will remind people he exists 

Don't get it misconstrued though. He adores you. He just can't help but have these thoughts 

Probably makes you promise to dedicate a song to him too. Realistically he wants an album but he'll take whatever

He's so Ken coded to me and remember, Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him. You're his Barbie, regardless of gender 

Kenshi Takahashi 

Considering the fact that he's on the run from the Yakuza, uhhhh he's not the happiest 

Is he proud? Yeah. But dating him puts a huge target on your back. Kenshi can hide. You, as a popstar, can't do that. You're always in the spotlight. And since the Yakuza got connections, they'd find out somehow. 

He'd encourage you to take a break until things cool over. Only problem is he doesn't know when that'd be, and the music industry is competitive. You don't have time to be on a break. People could forget about you. 

Under any other circumstance, he'd be happy for you. Not many people can make it in the music industry. There are tons of people who have big plans but settle for less. 

In any other circumstance he'd listen to your songs, spread the word about your concerts, buy your merch cause he's not in debt, even attend a few concerts. 

Now though, he's uptight and worried. Every concert you have he's worried will be your last. Any fan meet you have he's worried will end in death. 

I honestly think he'd try to actively avoid anything that has to do with your career. It's a constant reminder that you're doing the exact opposite of what he's asking you to and you're putting yourself in danger. This could possibly cause a lot of arguments since he could come off as controlling when in reality he's worried and trying to be cautious 

He's trying to avoid anything to do with your career but every playlist he has has your songs sprinkled throughout them 

Overall he's proud of you but life has him pretty uptight. He'll be his normal self once he restores his clan. 

Kung Lao

This cocky little shit is so hype his partner is famous 

I can see him talking about your music with others like “my partner? They make music. You probably know them. I don't know yours though cause they're unknown. How are y'all paying the bills?”

You tell him not to do that but he continues anyway. Everyone had to know how awesome you were compared to them

Idk why I have this scene in my head of him buying your concert tickets to sell it again but make it more expensive. I legit don't know why but I couldn't ignore it. 

Kung Lao has such a huge ego and your success does not help that. In fact, it makes it worse 

How many people can say they're dating a popstar? Or anyone famous for that matter?

I can see him “helping” with lyrics but the shit he tries to add is dog shit so you do not add it, which he does not get. 

“I have an ear for music” “An ear. Not a talent”

Starts a fanclub and forces Raiden to be involved 

You'd think he's the popstar with how much pride he has when it comes to your career 

Like Kenshi, he has a whole playlist dedicated to you and your songs are sprinkled throughout his other playlists 

If you ask for his honest opinion on a song, he's gonna give you his honest opinion so be prepared. It's like asking a kid if a jacket makes you look fat. 

He doesn't mean to be malicious. He just can't have you releasing bad shit. His approach just isn't the best but it's all with love 

“What do you think about Bubblegum?” “The chorus isn't catchy at all if I'm being honest. You've definitely made better” 

He'd help though by saying what he liked from other songs and it'd steer you in the right direction 

Your career? No. Y'ALL career. UterUS type shit

In all seriousness, he's very happy that out of all the celebrities you could be with, you chose a non celebrity like him.

Raiden

Honestly I don't think anyone would even know you're dating. He's just too shy. 

With Johnny, he's famous and has no shame so that's how people know you're together. The Yakuza is out here so that's how they know about you and Kenshi. Kung Lao is Kung Lao, idk how else to explain it. With Raiden though, I don't think he'd want your fans to know you're dating. 

He's shy and also values privacy and you respect that. Your fans know you're dating someone just not who. 

He probably has a second account he uses to stay up to date with fan discourse 

Likes every edit of you and shows you them. 

“Were you looking these up?” “I… don't know what you could possibly mean”

I don't think he's a big concert person. I don't know why. At least not a huge, no personal space type of concert. So I think he'd do other things to support like using that second account to promote your activities, reposting edits, and buying your stuff. 

Knowing his luck, that second account for privacy and being sneaky would end up getting fans attention. He'd become the main update page everyone goes to. Guess he wasn't sneaky enough 

Probably asks you to sing to him when it's quiet 

Has bought a poster of you and forgot to take it down when you came over 

“Kung Lao put that up” “Mhm, sure”

He has two hats. His normal hat and a hat that has stickers of you on it. Kung Lao or Johnny probably did it to tease him but he kept it anyway 

Dedicate a song to him and watch how flustered he gets. He'd be so honored 

If you had an MV and there was a love interest in it, he wouldn't wanna be jealous but it'd happen. 

Everytime he sees you perform or hears you, he falls deeper in love. Like Kung Lao, he's very happy you picked him to be your love and muse 

Liu Kang

He probably saw this coming based on your life in the past timeline

Knowing how the past timelines were though, your life was probably chaotic and your music career was probably disturbed by the constant threats 

Seeing you just having fun and making music in this timeline would make him extremely happy and proud of himself for creating such a peaceful timeline (at first)

Liu Kang has glowing eyes so there's a chance concerts aren't happening, but I think he'd still stream your music like everyone else 

Would probably try to keep you far away from any disturbances. When he takes his champions to Outworld, he makes up a lie. He doesn't want what you're passionate about disturbed at all 

Supportive in the sense that he's always going to say “yes” to whatever ideas you have. A breakup song? Great idea. A fun party song? Awesome. A fan meet? Sounds fun. 

He genuinely just wants you happy this time and music makes you happy. 

You could talk him into using his fire as some background effect as long as others won't see 

He talks you into doing smaller performances at Madam Bo's. You're spying on Raiden and Kung Lao without even knowing 

Whenever you find out about the shit storm going on, he does not want you involved and will say so. He wants you to focus on your passion and let him take care of it. Whether you do or not is up to you 

After all that though you'd probably end up making music for Johnny's movie about shit that happened. He doesn't disapprove but thinks you can do better than make a soundtrack for Johnny 'Big Mouth’ Cage 

Secret fanboy. Forced to act all serious all the time but he's mumbling your lyrics under his breath, even if it's super cutesy. 

He's just so happy for you. I know I keep repeating it but you probably DIED in the past timeline or some shit so seeing you happy and just living? It shows his efforts for peace paid off. 

I usually say smth after but idk what to say. I wanna start art commissions so bad but half bodies are kicking my ass. I’m finna start tweaking fr

[mncxbe]

Absbsjskajnshajks idk if you’re taking more requests rn, but if it’s not an issue could I possibly request a part two of that fic you posted about reader having a cat ability which means that they’re sometimes in heat??😭😭 maybe with Tetchō and Jouno (only if you feel like it)

Yes of course and my requests are always open although it may take a while to write them♡ Also added Dazai to this one I hope you like it.

1.50♡ p2

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑻𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖, 𝑱ō𝒏𝒐 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: itty-bitty smut♡/ fluff??

°☆○ 1.50♡ ~ part 1

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

this smug bastard takes advantage of your state in the most subtle ways; lingering touches, flirtatious smiles and passionate kisses

at work he teases you more than usually, describing all the sinful things he'd do to you if you were in a more private setting👀 really just gets you all riled up for nothing

but when you two get home he acts like a completely different person

"What, bella? do you need something from me?" he always asks with a smirk on his face "Maybe some assistance with your little... situation?"

doesn't lay a finger on you until you practically beg him (nicely); it's not like he'll ever admit it but hearing your desperate pleas really boosts his ego

he does his best to help you in other ways too. he'll do more chores around the house and write your reports at work if you really can't handle them. overall he's a good guy♡

Dazai was lounging around the office, wasting time and avoiding his chores; since you had been sent on a mission, your boyfriend didn't had much else to do. He had his headphones on and was listening to some funky song when you suddenly walked behind him.

Leaning over his frame, you swiftly hooked a finger beneath one of the speakers and lifted it.

"Boo" you whispered lowly, your hot breath sending a shiver down his spine.

"Ah bella here you are. How's my pretty girl doing?" He tried to get up from the couch but you pressed further on his back.

"Bella... Come on let me get up and give you a kiss. I missed you" he whined

"Oh trust me baby. I want way more than a kiss" you said in a teasing voice.

In a matter of seconds, Dazai was back on his feet and had you pinned down on the couch, a mocking smile on his face.

"You're that desperate for me, bella? You've only been gone for a couple of hours. You really can't spend that little time without my touch?"

Your gaze darted around the room, hoping that no one could witness the position you were in.

"I'm in heat, Dazai." you confessed quietly.

"What was that? I didn't quite catch it?"

"I said..." you began, rosy petal blooming on your cheeks "I said that I'm in heat, Osamu. Because of my ability"

"And what does that have to do with me, huh?" he tauned, lips hovering just above the shell of your ear. "Do you perhaps want me to have my way with you here? In the office?"

Your body quivered slightly at the sound of his low voice, making him giggle.

"Get up, bella. And go finish your job so we can leave early."

You nodded your head in agreement before straightening yourself. As you were making your way back to your desk, your boyfriend called out to you:

"Oh and bella?"

"Yes?" you asked sweetly

"Don't forget to ask Kunikida for a free day tomorrow. You'll be needing it after tonight" he replied with a wink, causing your blush to deepen.

𝑱ō𝒏𝒐

you don't have to tell him that you're in heat, he can smell your arousal

just like Dazai, this man gives you the most condescending smile and shamelessly teases you throughout the day

if you work someplace else he'll send you texts to check up on you and gently remind you that he'll provide any help you need once he gets home

but if you're part of the Hunting Dogs good luck. he's all over you all day, making snarky remarks about your "condition"

Jōno also likes to hear you beg; hearing your thumping heartbeat and sweet voice when you tell him how much you crave him really turns him on

will cook breakfast for you if you're too tired in the morning

Jōno woke up with warm sunshine on his face and your sleeping figure next to him. This hour and a half before work, when you'd both wake up and cuddled for a while then have breakfast together was among his most cherished moments.

Usually you'd wake up just minutes after him, turning to face him with a wide smile on your face as you sleepily uttered a "Good morning Sai" and showered him with kisses. Except you didn't do that today.

Jōno knew by the accelerated rhythm of your heart that you were awake, but you were not moving an inch.

"Darling? Is there something wrong?" he asked softly, placing his hand on your waist.

You quickly shook your head as you curled up in a fetal position "No, I'm good, I'm okay". Your voice was shaky and low, as if you were pain.

"Baby please, if you're hurt or not feeling well then please-"

And then it hit him; a strong, intoxicating scent coming from your body. A cocky smirk rose to his lips when he finally understood the cause of your distress.

"You're in heat, aren't you?"

You suddenly turned to face him with a pleading look on your face. "Yea..."

"Well then we must do something about that" he teased, his hand sliding to your thigh. "Would be a shame to let you go to work like this."

Your boyfriend expected you to protest just like you normally did when he initiated such things in the morning, but today you were so compliant. You scooted closer to him, leaning into his touch; eyes glazed in lust.

"Well aren't you needy today, princess?" he inquired playfully. He gently pushed you onto your back and spread your legs, the tips of his fingers skimming along your clothed slit.

"You're so wet already, princess. I can feel it through your clothes" The little moan that left your lips when his lithe digits slid beneath the wristband of your yoga shorts reverberated through Jōno's entire body.

With a swift tug at your pants and underwear he had you undressed, thumb lazily circling your clit. His hot breath fanned against your parted lips.

"Sai, gimme more~" you babbled out, fiercely seizing his wrist as you guided his fingers to your entrance.

Your boyfriend only smiled at your desperate attempt, ceasing his ministrations. "Take what you're given, sweetie. Or I won't give you anything at all" he purred, teeth grazing the shell of your ear.

You immediately complied with his order and released his arm. "Good girl. See, it wasn't that hard, was it?"

Suddenly, he plunged two of his fingers into you; stretching your leaking hole. A ragged moan escaped your parted lips as your nails dug into his forearm, causing your boyfriend to smirk. Your sinful sounds were like music to his ears, clouding his mind with lust. There was nothing he loved more than coaxing those delicious moans and whimpers out of you.

His digits pumped in and out of you at a steady pace; his thumb resuming its circular motions on your puffy clit.

"God baby I'm so close" you uttered in a ragged voice, thighs instinctively squeezing together.

Just as you felt the familiar heat pooling in your core, Jōno removed his hand from your underwear.

"Won't you look at that, love. We gotta go to work or we'll be late." he said tauntingly. You let out a loud hiss at the loss of touch.

"Sai, don't you dare leave me like this-" you cried out but it was too late. Your boyfriend was already on his way to the bathroom.

The rest of the morning was spent in silence hence you decided to punish your partner for teasing you. Of course, you were aware of how much Jōno enjoyed himself; a scornful laughter escaping his lips whenever you dodged his touch and kisses.

"I'm gonna head out, love. Good luck at work!" he voiced before leaving, but you didn't reply. A few seconds after you heard the door of your shared apartment close with a thud.

You spent most of the day in a state of utter annoyance and frustration, not being able to focus on any task you were given. All you wanted was for your partner to take care of your needs but instead he treated you like a plaything, leaving you brimming with pent-up desires.

Around 2 p.m, your phone chimed, announcing that you just received a text from Jōno. A rosy blush rose to your cheeks as your eyes scanned the glowing screen:

'Hi princess, I hope you're doing well at work. I know you're yearning for my touch but I promise I won't leave you unsatisfied tonight. Just be my good little girl and wait a few more hours. I know you can do it♡"

It's safe to say that that night, your boyfriend kept his promise.

𝑻𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖

my sweet angel he's the most caring person ever istg. he's a bit confused when you tell him that you're in heat since he doesn't really know how that affects him??

but once you explain that you'll need him he blushes so hard; but he takes it well

Tecchou take princess treatment to another level during this time. You get to relax after work while he does all the chores and cooks food

he prepares baths for you or spontaneously buys you a bouquet of roses♡ he's really sweet

you're never left unsatisfied in bed, like never. he has an incredible stamina and a never ending need to please you

The setting sun painted the blue sky of Yokohama in shades of purple, red and ochre, a warm light glowing through the high ceiling windows of the building. Tecchou was compiling his last report for the day when you peeked your head through the open doors of his office.

"Hi Hiro. Got a minute?" you beamed, lips curling into an impish smile.

"Of course, darling. Come inside."

Your sweet boyfriend didn't suspect anything as you closed the door and walked up to him, hips swaying gracefully. You positioned yourself on his lap, snaking your arms around his neck.

"So Hiro. How soon can we go home?"

"Soon. I just need to finish the paperwork." he replied, pointing at the half written page with his black fountain pen.

You pushed your lower lip forward into a pout, impatiently swinging your legs. "Ok but how soon is soon?"

Without taking his eyes off of the report, your boyfriend shrugged. "In a few minutes but... if I may ask, why are you so eager to get home, darling?"

"Oh, well" you said in a honeyed voice "I don't know if I ever told you this but because of my cat-shifting ability I sometimes experience heats"

"And?" he pressed, utterly unaware of what you were implying. His slender fingers were gingerly caressing your hips, making you shift uncomfortably in his lap.

"What I'm saying is that I'm horny, Hiro. And I need you to fuck me."

Your boyfriend's eyes shot open and he droppen the pen, little droplets of ink splattering the pearly sheet; the grip he had on your hip also tightened.

Pleased with his reaction, you ran one hand down his chest, slightly tugging at the buttons of his vest. "But of course we don't need to be home for that. There's plenty of space here" you added, patting his wooden desk.

Upon hearing your daring proposal, Tecchou's face turned a light shade of pink. "I mean... We're at the office my love but I promise I'll take care of you at home, ok?"

You give him a small nod and a peck on the cheek before hopping off his lap. "I'll be waiting for you in the car. Hurry up"

As you walked towards the door you could hear a sudden rustling of paper as your boyfriend haphazardly attempted to finish his work. He caught up with you just as you were exiting the building; of course, you didn't fail to notice his ragged breath. He'd probably ran down the stairs. You let out a soft chuckle as you noticed this.

"So, darling. Is there anything else I can do for you besides, you know...?" he asked sweetly "I mean, how does this affect you?"

"Well, I tend to lack in energy levels and I have a terrible attention span. I was actually thinking about taking a week off work 'till I feel better."

"I see..." After thinking for a few moments, Tecchou grabbed both of your hand and spoke in a solemn voice "Then I will do my best to do as many chores around the house. I'll cook dinner for us too so don't worry about it. Just focus on feeling better, ok?"

The look on his face was of pure devotion and determination; causing warmth to pool in your core.

You rose to the tips of your toes and cupped his face with your warm hands before pressing your lips on his. The kiss was tender and loving at first, but you soon found one of your hands entangled in his coffee-coloured locks as soft moans rolled off your lips. He swiftly scooped you up and made his way to your car.

Your boyfriend placed you in the backseat before taking off his cape and discarding it on the passanger's seat.

"Wait, Hiro. What are you doing?"

His skilled fingers quickly undid the buttons of his vest and he slid it off his shoulders, leaving him only in his tank top which showed his toned arms. All this time his hungry gaze was locked with yours, making you shiver with anticipation.

"Well darling. I guess you're not the only who's eager tonight" he said before joining you in the rear seat; hurriedly closing the door behind him.

[spaceshipellie]

everything’s about you to me

ellie williams x reader

prologue (masterlist for other parts) *✧･ﾟ: wc: 1.7k

summary: in the midst of the apocalypse, you and ellie find each other after you’ve both lost everything. what started out as a mere safety in numbers pairing, turns into something imperishable. however, after some time you get separated, leaving you both to believe the other is dead. four years later you find a commune in wyoming.

warnings: set in tlou universe. reader is 16 in the prologue but is 19+ for the rest of the story, weapons, gunshots, death, violence, no mention of ellie yet but all in due course cuties, is this going to be a slow burn? maybe… 18+ mdni

author’s note: this fic was originally inspired by the song everything by muna. i’m so excited for this, if you want to be added to the tag list lmk! i have no idea how many parts this will be but i expect it’ll be quite long. thanks for reading loves &lt;3

♪ ‘cause the world could be burning, and all i’d be thinking, is “how are you doing, baby?”

˚ · • . ° .

You didn’t know it yet, but your time in the Pittsburgh QZ was wearing thin. You had lived there your entire life, sixteen years to be exact. For people who lived pre-outbreak, a military-controlled quarantine zone probably didn’t seem like much of a home, but it was all you knew. Your dad was a smuggler and whilst for the past few years had managed to keep you and your mom out of it, his current job was proving to be riskier than originally anticipated.

“You said it would be quick,” you heard his seething whisper whilst you backed yourself against the other side of the wall, listening in.

“It was supposed to be! look, man, I’m sorry,” another man’s voice said.

“Just–fuck, just make sure we get the stuff we need before we hand anything over, alright?”

“We’ll try.”

“No,” you could hear shoving, “you will, understand?”

“Yes,” you could tell the man was nervous despite trying to hide it.

“If this goes wrong, they’ll come after us, and my family. I know this is a fucked up situation and I should never have got involved with that fucking Aaron guy in the first place but here we are and I am not letting my wife and daughter die because of me, got it?”

Die? Your blood ran cold wondering what on earth your dad had gotten involved with this time. You heard the man mumble out a “yes” before the door shut and your dad sighed and banged his fist against the table. Not wanting to get caught, you creeped back to your room.

Once inside, you settled into the beat-up armchair that you had pushed against the window and stared out at the night sky. Stars twinkled and the moon shone a bright white. For a moment, you could pretend you were somewhere else. Somewhere where everything looked this beautiful. It was a stark contrast to the withered frame of dust and peeling paint.

You could hear muffled voices coming from your parent’s room. They sounded like they were arguing and said something about talking to this Aaron guy on the radio. They did that a lot these days. argue. You knew they still loved each other but after silently analysing their relationship over the years, you could see that something of a ‘spark’ had gone. Then again, what did you know, it’s not like you had ever been in love. The closest you had ever gotten to a connection with anyone had been with Amy. When her hair would get caught in her mouth as you both stood on a roof laughing at how the wind parachuted your coats, you wanted to reach out and untangle it for her. Sometimes she would give you this look where her eyes would soften and her dimples would make themselves known as she smiled. It would make your heart skip a beat and you would forget what you were supposed to be doing. You guessed that’s just how best friend’s felt about each other. Completely lost in a trance, you didn’t notice the sound of thundering footsteps down the hall until a rough hand grabbed your arm.

“What?”

“We’re leaving,” your dad’s voice was indignant and stern.

“Leaving? where?”

Your mom burst through the door, her face soaked in fear.

“Charlie, please,” she pleaded, grabbing his arm.

“I’m sorry but we have to go.”

“Go where?” you demanded. You could feel the goosebumps raise on your arms. He couldn’t be talking about escaping, could he?

“We’re leaving the QZ. Come on, grab your stuff.” You just froze.

“Come on!” he yelled before running a hand over his face. He collected his anger just enough to look you in the eye and speak clearly.

“I don’t have time to explain, but some guys have fucked me over and it is safer for us to escape and leave.”

“But we’ll be killed!”

“We will be if we stay here. Now please, grab your stuff.”

His last three words came out with a bite and you thought better of arguing further. You looked across the room to your mum and she made a poor attempt at giving you a comforting look. Tears stung against your waterline and you quickly wiped them away with your sleeve before grabbing your things together. Not everything of course. Not the Thelma and Louise poster you found once or the sketch Amy had drawn of the two of you before she died. But the essentials. Torches, jackets, guns, knives.

Your dad looked out the window, making a mental note of military whereabouts, before encouraging you and your mum out the door. You didn’t want to leave. You had never been outside the QZ and had only heard horror stories. Thoughts of where you would go once you got out, if you got out, clouded your mind. It scared you to think of what kind of trouble your dad had gotten himself into that needed such drastic action. You knew he did bad things but you knew he wasn’t the only one and there wasn’t much you could do about it. When he first started smuggling you had been afraid all the time, but over the years you became numb to it. That’s just what he did. But now all of those fears were resurfacing and you weren’t ready to face the high chance that you could die tonight.

The three of you were pressed against the outside wall, your dad in front holding his finger to his lips indicating you needed to be quiet. Your parent’s both held guns whilst you clutched your switchblade. It was dark but blinding lights from patrolling tanks occasionally illuminated the dank alleyways.

“We need to get over there, we move on my signal,” you could barely hear your dad’s whisper as he pointed at a metal fence on the other side of the road. You tried your best to be silent but couldn’t help the way your breath shook as you nodded.

After peering around the corner once more, he lifted his hand up, signalling for you to follow him. You had to be agile in order to make it across safely, which luckily was a strength of yours. You may not have ever been outside of the QZ but you had snuck around with Amy enough times to know how to go unnoticed. This was nothing like that though. Sneaking around and being teenagers didn’t feel like a death sentence.

You bumped into your mom’s back as you all suddenly stopped behind a parked truck. It started to rain and you were thankful that the splatters of water might cover up any sounds of laboured breaths and footsteps from you. A bright light casted over the truck as you strained to keep your head below the window. You were moving again and the fence was in sight. The closer you got the more you could make out a chained padlock on a gate. A menacing sign saying “UNAUTHORISED EXITS FROM A QUARANTINE ZONE ARE PUNISHABLE BY DEATH” was hung up next to your heads. Your palms began to sweat as your dad pulled a key from his pocket. You didn’t even want to know what he must have done to get that. He started to unlock and unwind the chains from the gate. You were so close. Maybe this insane plan would actually work.

“Drop your weapons.”

You all froze and slowly turned, initially to squint as a torch shone directly in your eyes. After a few blinks, your vision cleared to see a guard holding up a gun. You felt like you were choking and if anything the grip on your knife tightened instinctively.

“I said drop your weapons.”

You threw your switchblade to the ground. Your parent’s followed suit with their guns. The guard took a step closer.

“Let me exp–,” your dad attempted to reason but was cut off.

“On your knees and put your hands on your head.”

You glanced at your mom and she hesitantly nodded. You sunk to your knees, the cold, wet gravel soaking through your jeans to your skin. Your hands trembled as you placed them on your head. The guard, still aiming his gun at you, checked you all with the infection scanner before stepping back to his original spot.

“Sir, I’ve got three clean but armed people here by gate three. How would you like me to proceed?” he spoke into his handheld transceiver.

“Uh-huh… yes… yes sir.”

Before you could even think, two deafening gunshots went off in quick succession. Your head snapped round and you saw your dad pointing a gun at the guard, as well as a mass of blood soaking his shirt. You noticed the guard stumble and in a blind rush of adrenaline you snatched your switchblade from the floor. Your mom’s hand grabbed you, pulling you back from where the guard was aiming his gun again.

Another bullet fired. Your mom screamed. You grabbed her arm to support her and looked up at your dad for help.

“Go!” he yelled, firing again. You could hear more guards charging towards you.

“Dad,” your voice came out weak and strangled.

“I said go!” you had never heard his voice be this frightening. Fear carried your legs as you pushed your mom through the open gate. You shoved yourself through it as well, not knowing what lay ahead in the darkness before you. You could only focus on getting away from the constant gunshots. You didn’t stop moving but your movements had slowed as you looked back.

“Dad, please!” you yelled, tears making your cheeks hot.

He was being pushed against the fence by three, maybe four faceless guards. You could hear the struggle in his distant grunts as he fought against them. They were beating and shooting until his body went limp on the ground, next to the guard he shot.

“No,” your voice was a mere whisper to yourself. Shock and disbelief ringing in your ears.

“We have to go,” your mom pulled you away, she was crying too, “before they catch up to us.”

You both frantically ran whilst the adrenaline was still controlling you. Your mom groaned with each step. You didn’t even know where she had been hit but at least she was alive. You had got out and there didn’t seem to be anyone chasing you, but your dad was dead. Escaping seemed so futile now. It had been his idea. his plan. His doing that meant you needed to leave in the first place and yet it had ended like this. And now, to no avail, you had no protection. Nothing except what you carried on your back. You were out in the big wide world. A big, wide, terrifying world.

*✧･ﾟ: taglist: @bellasfavelesbo @ximtiredx @abbyily @heartzjules @gold-dustwomxn @sawaagyapong @aouiaa @pinkigirl @nil-eena @ucannotcompare @cherriesxinthespring @blvebanisters

[lowkeyrobin]

headcannons where quackity's s/o has tattoos? could also be nsfw, if you're comfortable with it :))

I don't write NSFW but I can definitely do the tattoo part! thanks for requesting!! I don't think I've actually posted a quackity focused thing yet which is surprising to me bc I have like 3 drafts for him LMAO

QUACKITY ; tattooed lover

summary ; you have tattoos and your boyfriend is head over heels

warnings ; language; talk of needles / pain of tattoos, use of quackitys real name (lmk if I should change it!)

word count ; 670

genre ; fluff

masterlist

In general, he'll act normal about all your tattoos and whatnot, but inside every time he sees your arms (especially if you have sleeves or some sick ones around your wrists that trail up your arm even a bit) he'll just get a little red in the cheeks. He absolutely loves all your ink. He thinks it's so sick, but he's not committed enough to get any, and he doesn't think he has the pain tolerance.

he went with you to get a new tattoo on your shoulder/upper arm area

he learned you'd be there for like 5 hours and he groaned like a shitty iPad kid and took his phone out while he threatened to call Philza

once he saw the tattoo gun... oh lord it was over

literally whisper shouted at you while the artist got up to get gloves

"that's what you're getting jabbed with??? why are we here again???"

genuinely can't look

once he hears the buzzing he turns his music on and he's staring down while he sits on the couch across from you

"Alex, look!" you smile, "I'm fine"

"how do I know you're not a clone?"

"Holy shit. dude it's the quackityhq duck, that's why I brought you along"

"WAIT WHAT?"

it's not a big tattoo whatsoever, but it's a reminder that he's always with you, how you've grown together and how that's always going to be an era of your content you'd never forget about

literally gets emotional about it

"You didn't have-"

"I wanted to, for the millionth time"

he genuinely didn't know tattoos were so expensive, once you leave he questions why it was 450 dollars and you explain to him how tattoo artist income works

He's not the one to want to peel off the second skin or pop the ink bubbles or even touch the tattoo until the skin goes back to normal. He's just kinda freaked out for some reason, it's just one of those things and it honestly makes sense.

He takes some dedicated time to sniff all the lotions and numbing creams and comment on each and every one, though. All while you're trying to do some aftercare on it and shit, and you just watch.

"this one smells like buttercream icing"

"yeah?"

"ew, this one smells like badboyhalo's ass!"

"why would you even know that? 😁"

If you have any tats without color, Alex will gladly color them in with washable markers like you're a walking coloring book. He'll literally call for you and ask you if he can color on you again, it's cute, really.

"y/n/n, can I color your tattoos again?"

"aren't you streaming?"

"so?"

"yeah, fine"

he has a whole gallon sized ziploc bag filled with Crayola washable markers

like he goes from playing on the qsmp and hanging out with some people to coloring all over you while said people watch 😭

you wave to his friends like "Hello, I am his walking therapy coloring book"

he's like a little kid. You just look over at him like, "Holy shit I could love you forever wtf"

Sometimes, he'll just draw you new tattoos (with washable markers dw) cause he gets bored and wants to doodle on you. Most of the time it ends up being stick figures and dicks but it's okay, it's his way of showing affection.

He'll genuinely think of song that remind him of each of your tattoos. Somehow, some way, he does. He has a whole playlist titled 'Y/n's tattoos', and he rarely listens to it, but he thinks it's fun to think of a new song when you get another tattoo.

Although he is a little concerned because what's gonna happen when you're old and wrinkly? How do the tattoos last? Do they become old and wrinkly like the tattooed grandmas meme? Because if so, he'll rip on you til the end of time.

"well I have a long time before I look like a tattooed elderly person, but okay"

"So you will? Oh my fucking God! BAHAHAHA"

[nattroan]

𝓣 𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆!!✦

𝓓𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐍𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!!🕸

When you first started dating her, she was a little cold trying to make sure if she could really trust you, until one day she just came to your house after an argument with her father and you listened so carefully and hugged her and comforted her. so affectionately that you made her feel so safe with you, after that day she was much more affectionate alone with you

She's really so obsessed with giving you cute nicknames in Italian

She thinks you are the most beautiful person in the universe

Once during a sexual moment that you were having with her, she grabbed your neck out of lust and the heat of the environment. The problem was that she grabbed your neck more than she should and left the mark of her hand on your neck (and you didn't you wanted to tell her that she was taking your breath away because you didn't want to ruin the moment) and when you went to sleep after that she saw the mark on your neck and the mark on your neck reminded her of when her father was trying to kill her mother with her hands and began to cry on your shoulder while asking for forgiveness, you woke up and automatically asked her why she was crying while you hugged her and well, she told you what was happening to her while desperately asking for your forgiveness (my little baby thought that night that he had become his father😭😭)

When she's jealous, she puts her hand in one of the back pockets of your pants and gives you a kiss in front of the guy who's flirting with you just to make it clear to him that you already have a partner and it's her (if that doesn't work, she might start telling him to the guy who leaves you alone but with insults like that

“Hey idiot, don't you see that she already has a partner, leave her alone if you don't want her to break your fucking nose”

When she loses a match she feels super angry and yells or speaks badly to everyone who tries to tell her to calm down or who tries to talk to her, except you, <3

I think you are the only person capable of calming her down (help, I can't stop laughing, this reminded me of a scene from the kissing booth😭😭 look at me, Noah look at me!)

She thinks you look so cute in any type of clothes

Sometimes when she is stressed and it is not yet time to leave class she throws you a piece of paper in the middle of class telling you to meet in the locker room, when the two of them get to the locker room Natalie simply starts kissing you until she forgets why she was stressed

Natalie just loves having you on her lap while she kisses you

When she is depressed or angry the only thing she likes to do is go to your house and lay her head on your chest while you caress her head or play with her hair while a Nirvana song plays in the background

She really loves to tell you things and teach you songs from her favorite bands or soloists

She also loves it when you tell her about your tastes too and she will always listen very carefully

I feel like she would have been terrified when you told her you wanted her to meet your parents

until she finally comes to your house for dinner and sees that your parents aren't as bad as she thought, your dad asked her some questions but that's it, your parents absolutely like Nat

I think he really loves every part of your body but his favorite part of your body would be your thighsis

her loves to put his hand on your thigh and also lay his head on your thighs

You once gave him a Nirvana CD and he couldn't stop kissing you that day

She loves it when you steal her clothes and wear them, she thinks you look so cute with her things

you love the way her rings look on her hand and you're obsessed with always grabbing her hand and seeing her rings

“you really like my rings love”her said making fun of you a little

Oh, shut up,” you said laughing blushing

“Admit it” her said, grabbing you by the waist while giving you small kisses all over your face

Sometimes she gets very insecure and you have to remind her that you only love her and that you are not going to abandon her

She has a mixtape full of songs that remind her of you and she listens to it when you're not with her

when they kiss she likes to whisper I love you between kisses

You were the first to say I love you of the two, although she says it to you more often

Her loves to flirt with you just to see your blushing face

she dedicates many songs to you

For Natalie, you are the most beautiful woman in the world and it hurts her so much that you don't think the same

Every imperfection you see in yourself is something she loves

“baby you know you're too beautiful right?”

One day you told her about all your insecurities and she kissed all the imperfections you saw in yourself

n/a: hii, sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, English is not my native language, I'm sorry,and if you are reading this, I just want to tell you that you are surely a wonderful and truly beautiful person, even if you don't see it for yourself and if you ever feel too bad with your physique or you are having a bad time in your life. I'm always attentive to my messages so write to me and I will try to help you <3

[mimizficsz]

Just you and me: John Dory x Reader

A/N: This takes place before the whole Floyd got captured situation. I honestly don't know what type this is- Headcanons? Scenarios?? We'll just go with scenarios.

- * - + 🩷🩵 + - * -

Living with JD is chaotic and fun. Romantic? Maybe not. Nevertheless, it was still really nice to make some sweet memories with your loved one.

Every morning, you were greeted by the blinding light of the sun. John was by your side, sleeping deeply. You did what you'd usually do, get ready for the day, rinsing your face and combing your hair. Then right after, make coffee and breakfast for the two of you. JD would wake up a few minutes later, with his messy hair and sleepy expression.

"Good morning, Love." You'd smile at him, as he lazily makes his way to the bathroom. "Good morning.."

Later on, joining you, Kissing your cheek before sitting down to dig in.

In rainy weathers, the two of you would cuddle up on the bed. Blankets surrounding both bodies while you held each other, staring outside of the window watching rain fall. Some days John would even pull you into slow dancing. He'd play a song fit for the mood on the record player,

"Come on, Babe! Dance with me!" He'd say with the bright smile he wears on his face. You'd repeatedly refuse, until he drags you out of the couch and guides your body slowly. "Like this.. Just like that! Great job, Hun."

Or the other times, you'd share songs back and forth. Although, most of it is just him blabbering about the songs he made back in his brozone days, then it turns into how he made the songs, to sharing memories of his childhood with his brothers. He's always such a talker and sometimes it does get annoying mostly because he forgets to listen to you, but you have to admit, it's adorable when he gets lost in thought and keeps talking for hours on end. He follows you around while you clean or make dinner, talking and bragging about his popularity back in the day, all giddy and excited to share it to you, not even caring if he repeats the same stories.

Although not often, Fights would still happen. And every damn time, in the middle of arguing, He'd always stop the arguements by kissing you once, twice, three times, however many he needs to just to get you to stop. Of course you'll talk about it a day after, and apologize.

He wrote a song for you, all about you, how amazing and beautiful you are, for your anniversary. Started freaking out a few hours after making it because he thought it was too much of a small gesture for such a big and memorable event. When he saw that you got him something and he came up empty handed, he eventually brought up that he rececntly made a song but later on scrapped it.

"Happy anniversary, my love!" You smiled at him, handing him the special item you got for him. "Happy anniversary to you too babe.." He stared at it and awkwardly chuckled before scratching the back of his head and speaking again, "I don't really know how to say this but uh.. Okay listen, So at first, I knew exactly what to get...- But then I thought it was too much of a small gesture so I scrapped that idea.." He took a deep breathe in before grabbing the crumpled piece of paper and opening it. "I made you a song-"

"YOU DID?!"

JD would chuckle before playing the song for you. For him, it doesn't seem like an "anniversary worthy" gift, but to you, it was the second best gift there is, because nothing beats being with him more than anything.

Just you, and John, and that was more than enough. (Except Rhonda is here).

[aflame4goinghome]

Talk

s.f.k. x f.reader

a/n: this was meant to be a short little one shot but it actually turned out to be pretty long... oops. it’s only lightly proofread and i’m posting this at 2:30 am so i hope it’s good. enjoy :)

word count: 5.3k

summary: You’ve known Sam practically your whole life, and your relationship has always been the same. He’s your best friend, and he’s never given you a reason to think he feels any other way. So why is he acting so different tonight? Your love for him has so far gone unspoken, but all secrets are about to be revealed.

warnings: fluff, angst (some fighting & yelling), swearing, smoking, kissing, shameless nicknames like always; SMUT (MINORS DNI): oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering, unprotected p in v sex (practice safe sex, folks!), dirty talk, some begging, slight praise kink if you squint, soft dom!sammy

“imagine being loved by me.

i won’t deny i’ve got in my mind now,

all things i would do.”

You’ve known Sam as long as you can remember. You’ll never forget the first time you met him. It was the first day of the seventh grade, you had just moved to Frankenmuth that summer from Detroit after your parents split up and your mom wanted to move out of the city. You’d only lived there for a month and your house was pretty secluded on a long road, so you didn’t have much ability to make any friends until you started school.

You were riding your bike to school and someone crossed the street right in front of you, forcing you to slam on your brakes to avoid hitting them and knocking them down. You came to a screeching stop and looked up at the scared boy in front of you, who hollered, “Are you trying to kill me? What the hell is wrong with you?” You got off your bike and the two of you walked the rest of the way to school together. And that’s how you met your first friend, Sam Kiszka.

The two of you have been pretty much inseparable ever since. You had a lot of classes together and he let you sit at his table at lunch, introducing you to his best friend, Danny. From that moment forward, the three of you did practically everything together. You guys would go to the movies, listen to records, and sometimes even jam together in the Kiszkas’ garage with his older brothers, Josh and Jake. You always felt that the rest of them were much more musically talented than you, especially Jake, but you enjoyed singing harmony with Josh every once in a while. You were like family.

Once you got older, you noticed your relationship with Sam began to change. Not in a way that was obvious or disruptive, but there was something that developed that would always be on the back of your mind- your feelings for Sam. You first discovered that you had feelings for him at your ninth-grade homecoming dance. You and Sam went together as friends, slightly organized by your mothers, and something in the air changed that night. There was a knock at the door after you had gotten ready and you opened it to see Sam, all dressed up in a suit and tie.

Your gaze softened as you saw him, and you felt a feeling that you’d never experienced before. When he saw you, in your dress and your hair done, you noticed an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite place, like a deer in headlights. And then he entered the threshold, brushing off whatever it was, acting just like your normal Sam. You put it in the back of your mind and moved on with your night.

However, near the end of the night, something happened that you’d never be able to forget. They turned on the last slow dance of the evening and the two of you had avoided every other slow dance prior out of awkwardness. But something pushed you to ask him for this last song, so you did and he agreed. You both walked over to the dance floor and he placed his hands awkwardly on your waist as you put your arms around his neck. You both swayed there for a while to some random slow song from that year that you couldn’t remember now even if you tried, and there was a look in his eyes that would be burned into your memory forever. He looked at you so softly, like you might break. You looked up at him- his cute swoopy hair, his dimples, his dopey smile- and you knew right there and then: you were in love with Sam Kiszka.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.・゜゜・✩ ✦ ✩・゜゜・．*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Things are a lot different now than they were when you were 15, but your feelings for him are just as strong as ever. He’s never shown any hints of feeling the same way, however, and you’ve never made any effort to tell him. You’re much too afraid of it changing your relationship, especially if he didn’t feel the same way about you. You’re more than happy with what you have with him now, though, even if it’s only platonic. He’s your best friend and you love the time that you get to spend with him, considering it’s quite limited now.

When you guys were in high school, the band that the boys had formed ended up gaining popularity. Even before you, Sam and Danny graduated, they were going out on tour, opening for big bands. You were incredibly impressed and so proud of them, but you definitely missed your best friends. Once you graduated, they were away even more than before. So, when they all wanted to pick up everything and move to Nashville a few years ago, you decided that you would too.

You had delayed going to college for a couple of years because you couldn’t afford it at the time and neither could your mom, so you used this new opportunity to apply to Tennessee State University in the area and you were accepted. You’re in your third year there now and it’s been working out great. You got an apartment not far from where the guys were all living, and that’s how you met your roommate and now close friend, Lucy. She is attending graduate school at Vanderbilt for the same field of study and shares your immense love for music, so you got along almost immediately.

The guys’ band has become relatively famous now. They’ve recently released their third album and have gone on several tours, their current one being a world tour. You haven’t been able to see them as much lately because of it, but you try to catch as many local shows as you can. Despite being away so often, you and Sam are still as close as ever, spending basically every day together when he’s on break from the tour. Every once in a while, you’ll sometimes wonder about the ‘what-ifs,’ but your friendship with Sam is too important to risk by confessing your feelings for him.

Tomorrow is Lucy’s 24th birthday and the band is on a break from tour for a few more weeks, so the two of you are throwing a huge party tonight to celebrate. Your apartment is much too small to host that many people, so Josh offered to host the party as long as you both helped out with supplying the food and decorations. Of course, Josh was more than happy to supply the booze, being someone who would never turn down a party. It’s your last big get-together before the band leaves for the European leg of their tour, so you’re all really looking forward to it.

It's already 3 in the afternoon and you and Lucy have to go over to Josh’s soon to help decorate before all the guests arrive, so you start to get ready. You curl your hair and pull it half-up, then put on some simple makeup with some silver glittery eyeshadow. Lucy wanted to make the theme of the party “Starcatcher” to incorporate the guys’ newest album, so you wanted to throw in a subtle reference to the theme. You go to get dressed, finding the new dress that you had bought just for the party. It’s a short, tight dress adorned with silver glitter, matching your makeup.

It’s not as if you intended to catch anyone’s attention tonight with your outfit, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing. You’ve tried dating since you moved to Nashville, but nothing has ever worked out. All of the guys are either shallow musicians who don’t want to ‘put a label on it’ or immature frat guys with no emotional intelligence. Besides, you still find it hard to completely forget about Sam. You know that he’s probably taking plenty of girls home while on tour; as a rockstar, why would he not? It didn’t bother you, it’s not like he knew how you felt anyway.

You grab your things, then slip on your heels and pop your head into Lucy’s bedroom. “Hey Luce, you ready to go?” you ask, stepping inside of her room. She turns around from looking into her vanity mirror to look at you. “Oh my god, Y/N! Look at you! Sam is gonna die over that dress,” she says, teasing you. She knows all about your little crush, of course, you tell her everything. She’s the only one in your friend group who knows since the rest of the guys wouldn’t possibly be able to keep that kind of secret.

“Luce, come on. You know he doesn’t look at me like that,” you answer, rolling your eyes, “Plus, maybe I’ll find another guy to appreciate me tonight. I don’t need it to be Sam, I don’t expect it to be.” She rolls her eyes back at you and turns her attention back to the mirror. “Okay, okay, whatever. I’m just finishing up my eyeliner, we can leave in a minute,” she says. She finishes up her makeup and you both head to the party.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.・゜゜・✩ ✦ ✩・゜゜・．*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Lucy drives you to Josh’s place and the two of you pull into his driveway, seeing that you’re not the first ones there. You knock on the front door and are greeted by Josh, whose face lights up at the sight of you. “Hello, darling!” he exclaims, pulling you in for a tight hug. He pulls away, smiling, and sees Lucy behind you. “Ah, Lucille, happiest of birthdays to you, my dear,” he says to her, hugging her tight as well. You both enter the house and find Jake in the kitchen, preparing some sort of dip recipe.

“I thought that we’d be the first to arrive,” you say to him, making him turn his attention away from the stove. He sees you both and smiles slightly, saying “Well, it wouldn’t be a party if I didn’t make a queso dip, would it?” You chuckle, walking over to get a whiff of it. “No, it wouldn’t. Smells delicious,” you say, patting him on the back then turning around to place all the snacks that you’ve brought on the kitchen island. You all start to set up, putting out the snacks and alcohol and hanging some decorations on the walls.

Around 6 o’clock, the front door flies open with Sam and Danny waltzing through. You all turn your heads to look at the sudden noise and your eyes find him. He’s wearing a short-sleeved button-up, half unbuttoned, some dark jeans, and sneakers. You watch as he removes his sunglasses and brushes his hands through his hair as he and Danny approach the kitchen, then try to direct your attention back to hanging the star decorations that you’d been attaching to the ceiling.

“Hey, Freckles,” Sam says, walking into the kitchen to greet you. He’s called you that ever since that first day, on your first walk to school. He looked down at you and saw your face, completely covered in freckles, and settled the nickname right then and there. It’s still managed to stick after all these years. "Hi, Y/N! Hi, Lucy, happy birthday," Danny says, walking into the kitchen and sitting down at the table to help blow up some balloons.

“Here, let me help you,” Sam says, reaching his hand up to meet yours and finish hanging the star. “Thanks, Sammy,” you say, stepping down from the step ladder you were using. “No Rose tonight?” you ask, looking up at him. “Nah. Didn’t want her to get too drunk, she was absolutely belligerent last time,” he said, laughing as he jabbed your side with his elbow jokingly. You giggle and say, “Yeah, she’s out of control. You should probably look into that.” He smiles at you silently for a moment, looking down at what you’re wearing. It’s not long enough for you to notice, however, and you move on to helping Josh with the liquor table.

You finish decorating and the guests begin to arrive around 8. Most of them are Lucy’s friends from grad school, as well as some friends from work. You don’t really know a lot of them, so you’ve just stuck with the guys by the bar area of Josh’s dining room for most of the night so far. “Here you go, Frecks” Sam says, handing you another tequila soda that he’s made for you. You thank him and take a sip, then look out at the crowd that’s amassed in Josh’s living room.

It’s been over an hour now since the party started and you still feel slightly awkward since you don’t know any of the people here, but you don’t really want to just be a wallflower all night either. Suddenly, Lucy comes charging toward you. She’s gotten a bit intoxicated, having made some drinks while you all prepared for the party in addition to the ones she’s had since then.

“Babe, c’mere, I want you to meet my friends,” she says, pulling you away. You look at Sam and Danny with a ‘please save me’ face as she drags you into the crowd, hearing them laugh at you as you move further and further away from them. You end up in a small group over on the other side of the room, a few girls your age and a guy that you don’t recognize. “Y/N, these are some of my friends from my classes this semester- Tara, Emma, and Stephen. Everyone, this is my roommate and bestie, Y/N!” You wave shyly and say hello, catching eyes with her friend Stephen.

He’s pretty tall and has dark black hair that’s slicked back with a couple of pieces hanging out in the front. His eyes are dark and mysterious, and you can’t help but admit that he’s rather handsome. You doubt anything could ever come to it, but it might be nice to distract yourself from your one-sided feelings for Sam. Lucy goes back into whatever conversation she was having previously with the girls as Stephen steps closer to you.

“Hey,” you say, looking up at him with a shy smile. “Hey there,” he replies, checking you out quickly before meeting your eyes again. “Do you go to school around here?” he asks. “Oh, yeah, I’m in my undergrad at TSU. I’m a couple years behind but I’m starting to catch up,” you say, sitting down on the couch as he goes to sit next to you, rather close. He makes small talk about what you’re studying, where you’re from, what you want to do after graduation, and more. He’s definitely a nice guy, and he seems interested in you and learning more about you, so you don’t mind sitting and talking to him.

“You’re gorgeous, you know,” Stephen says, smiling at you and reaching over to brush some of your hair behind your ear. “Thank you, Stephen… you’re not too bad yourself,” you say, blushing slightly as he places his other hand on your thigh. The two of you sit there for some time talking closely, flirting a bit back and forth. You glance over to the dining room for a moment and see Sam, who’s looking at you. He’s leaning up against the wall, arms crossed with his eyes glued to you and Stephen, piercing right through you. He looks almost angry, which you don’t completely understand. Maybe he’s upset that you ditched him since he doesn’t know many people at the party? But he has Danny right next to him, who’s talking away as Sam stares daggers into you.

“Excuse me just one moment, Stephen. I have to go check on something,” you say apologetically, getting up off the couch and heading into the other room. Sam’s eyes lock onto yours as you approach, still not faltering from their angry gaze. “Sam? A word, please?...,” you say, looking over at Danny, “…alone?” Sam looks down at you and uncrosses his arms, “Yeah, whatever.” You grab his wrist and drag him into the kitchen, then out the back door to Josh’s porch.

You drop his wrist and turn around to face him as he reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, sticking one in his mouth and lighting it. He takes a long pull, breathes it out, then scoffs. “What? What is it?” he says in an annoyed tone. “What is it? Sam, what’s wrong with you? I saw you looking at me in there, what the hell is your problem?” you say, throwing your hands up, exasperated. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? You just met that guy and he was just all over you. It’s fucking gross,” he says, raising his voice at you slightly and rolling his eyes, taking another puff of his cigarette.

“So what if I just met the guy? Why does that matter? He was really nice, I wanted to talk to him! It’s not like I was gonna be over there all night, I was going to come back over to you guys.” you say defensively, crossing your arms and looking up at him, waiting for an answer. He runs his fingers through his hair frustratedly, “Frecks, he so clearly wanted to sleep with you! He probably doesn’t even actually care about you, he just wants to get laid! He’d never treat you right.” He takes another drag of his cigarette and then sighs.

“Why do you even care, Sam? Am I not allowed to talk to guys? Is that it? Am I supposed to just follow you around like a little lost puppy all night? It’s fucking pathetic!” you yell, your eyes starting to well up. “No, Frecks, God! That’s not what I’m saying! But I can’t just stand around and watch some guy flirt with you right in front of my face! It’s making me fucking crazy!” he says, putting his head in his hands and shaking his head. “Sam. Look at me,” you say, looking up at him, tears starting to fall down your cheeks slowly.

His gaze softens as he looks down at you, then he throws his cigarette on the ground and steps on it to put it out as he steps closer to you. You look up at him, glossy-eyed, waiting for some sort of explanation for why he was acting like this. Sam never gets angry with you, you don’t understand what’s gotten into him. He keeps his eyes locked on yours as he gets closer to you and suddenly, he raises his hand to cup your cheek and pulls you in, kissing you. At first, it’s soft, his lips feel warm to the touch as you kiss him back, his thumb caressing your cheek affectionately. Then he deepens it, pulling you into him with his other hand on your waist and smiling against your lips.

It grows to become ravenous and uncontrollable, and you start to struggle to breathe. He turns you both around and backs you into the outer wall of Josh’s house as he teases his tongue into your mouth. You welcome it, moaning into his mouth as you deepen the kiss even more. Both of your hands are on the back of his neck, tangled in his long hair, pulling him closer to you. You suddenly feel very aware of where you are and remember all the people inside, so you pull your mouth off of him, still staying close. “Sam, the party,” you say, looking up to meet his eyes.

“Fuck the party. Let’s go, c’mon,” he says, grabbing your hand and dragging you through the backyard gate, around the house to the driveway, avoiding the crowd inside. You giggle at the situation, feeling like a couple of teenagers, then ask “But what about Danny?” You both stop at his car and he looks down at you. “He’ll just stay at Josh’s tonight,” he says, smirking, “I’ll text him, don’t worry about him, honey…” He holds your waist and pulls you in for another kiss before opening the door for you, letting you into the passenger seat. He rounds the car and gets into the driver’s side, starts the car, and pulls out of the driveway.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.・゜゜・✩ ✦ ✩・゜゜・．*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The drive to Sam’s place is short but also agonizingly long at the same time. He keeps a steady hold on your inner thigh as he drives, keeping his eyes on the road. Occasionally, he rubs his thumb lightly, sending shivers down your spine. Never in a million years did you think you would be here, with him. It was something you only imagined, but you never thought that Sam would want you like this. It warrants a conversation, but you can worry about that later.

Sam pulls into his driveway, puts the car in park, and then rushes to get out and open your door for you. You get out of the car and his lips are already attacking you, putting his hands on your hips as he backs you up toward his front door. He drops your lips for a moment to unlock the door, opens it, and then drags you in with him, closing it and shutting it behind you. You both kick off your shoes and then he swiftly brings you to his bedroom upstairs.

You’ve been to Sam’s house hundreds of times, but this time felt different. As you enter his room it almost feels like the first time, giving you butterflies as he pulls you into him, taking your lips in his. He lays you down on the bed as he continues to kiss you, making his way across your jaw and then down your neck. You lean upwards into his touch, wanting more. His lips feel electric on your neck, sending shockwaves through your entire body and creating friction between your legs.

He pulls back for a moment and slides his finger under the strap of your dress. “Can I…?” he asks, looking down at you for permission. You nod and you watch him as he slides the straps of your dress down your arms, leaving it bunched above your waist and freeing your uncovered breasts, as you couldn’t wear a bra underneath. “Fuck,” you hear him mutter under his breath before he leans back down, taking one of your nipples into your mouth as he holds the other in his hand, squeezing it, making you whine. He moans against your skin and then leans back to unbutton his shirt, throws it to the side, and then slides your dress the rest of the way off, past your legs.

He kisses his way down your stomach, to your hip, and then your inner thigh. You writhe slightly under his touch, barely able to contain yourself from his teasing. You’re insanely aroused now after all of the kissing and feeling his hands on you, you don’t feel like you can wait anymore. “Sammy, please,” you whine, his eyes looking up at you deviously. “Don’t worry, honey. It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you,” he answers, his voice sounding so smooth that you feel closer to the edge just from hearing it. He slowly slides your panties down your legs, tossing them onto the floor.

He kisses your inner thigh once again as he spreads your legs a bit more. “Y/N, you are so beautiful… You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about all of the things that I want to do to you…” he says before lowering his mouth onto your aching pussy. Your back arches at the feeling of his mouth on you. His movements are slow and gentle, his tongue circling your clit slowly as his hand rubs your thigh softly. He runs his tongue swiftly through your folds, making you moan quietly before returning to your sensitive bud. You’re already so close from all of the anticipation when you feel his fingers on you before he dips one of them inside of you. He uses steady movements, curling his finger into you as he brings you closer and closer to your release. “Fuck, Sammy, that feels so good,” you whine out to him and he moans against you.

His tongue starts to speed up as he pushes a second finger into you, pumping them in and out of you relentlessly. You clench around them and he removes his mouth from you for a moment and says “Come on, honey. I know you’re close, give it to me. Want it so bad,” then goes back to attacking your clit. His smooth voice combined with his movements inside of you bring you right into a crashing orgasm, arching your back as it washes over you. After you come down from it, he removes his fingers from you and climbs back on top of you.

He slips his hand behind your neck and kisses you passionately, slipping his tongue into your mouth as you taste yourself on it. You moan into his mouth and he pulls away, saying “You taste so sweet, baby. Did you taste it? Isn’t it sweet?” You nod and smile weakly at him, still in a bit of a trance. You lean forward to sit up and kiss him again, reaching your hand down to grasp at his hardened cock through his jeans. You start pulling the zipper down and he leans away from you to get off of the bed and remove them.

Sam gets off of the bed and slips his jeans down his legs, stepping out of them and palming himself lightly over his briefs. He then tucks his fingers underneath the waistline and pulls his underwear down, revealing himself to you for the first time. Your jaw drops at the sight, he is much bigger than you had ever imagined. You’d thought that it might be big considering that he’s tall, but this is much more than you expected. He immediately sees your reaction, chuckling a bit and taking your hands to bring you off the bed to stand up with him.

“Surprised, Frecks?” he says, laughing a bit. “I don’t wanna hurt you, honey. You think you can take it?” he asks, looking down at you with a smirk. You just nod before lowering yourself to your knees and taking him in your hand. Given your small stature, your hand can barely even fit all the way around it. You look up at him as you lean up to lick the tip lightly. You watch as he leans his head back, groaning and mumbles some expletives under his breath. You slip the head into your mouth and work your way as far to the back of your throat as you can go.

You start to move, bobbing your head up and down his shaft as you hold it with one hand and grasp his thigh with the other. He reaches his hand down and places his hand in your hair, holding your head as you continue your movements. You swirl your tongue around him and begin to rub your thighs together to relieve some tension, but he’s had enough. “Uh-uh, nope. If you keep going like this, I’m gonna come right there in your mouth,” he utters, using his hand in your hair to take you off of him and bring your face up to his. “I want you, Sammy. So bad,” you say, looking up at him, begging him with your eyes. “Honey, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted you,” he answers, leaning you back down on the bed.

He kisses you slowly, holding your cheek in his right hand as he uses his left to line himself up with you. He pulls away, his face just a few inches from yours. “I’ll be gentle, okay baby? You tell me if it hurts at all, and I’ll stop,” he says softly. He leans his forehead against yours as he slides the tip in, eliciting a soft whine from your mouth. He pulls out slightly and then pushes back in, just a bit more, easing you into it. “Fuck, honey, you’re so tight. Relax for me, okay? I’ve got you.” He does this same thing a few more times, easing in a little further until you’ve adjusted enough for him to push in to the hilt. He lets out a deep groan, lighting your insides on fire as you pull him close to you, kissing his lips harshly.

He kisses you back hard, moving his hand from your cheek to grasp the hair at the back of your neck as he pulls you into him. His other hand is firmly planted on your hip, holding you still underneath him. He begins to pull out slowly, slamming back in once, making you whine into his mouth. He starts a steady pace, pulling out and slamming into you over and over again. Your hands are grasping at his back, surely scratching it up to the point where it will leave a mark. “Harder, Sammy, please,” you whine, feeling him smile against your lips. “Can you handle that, baby?” he says, smirking. You nod ferociously, “Yes, please, please.”

He pulls out of you, causing you to whine at the loss of the feeling of him inside you, then swiftly flips you over onto your stomach. His hand goes under you, pulling you up to your hands and knees, while the other lines himself up with you once again, slipping in with ease. You both moan as he places a hand on the small of your back, pushing you down slightly as the other grips your waist. He sets a faster pace, slamming into you so hard that your head starts to spin. “You like that, honey? That hard enough for you?” he asks, relentlessly pounding into you. You mutter a string of yeses, unable to focus on what comes out of your mouth.

The hand previously on your waist moves down to your clit, moving in tight circles as he continues to fuck into you repeatedly from behind. “That’s it, baby, that’s it. Give me another one, all over my cock. I know it feels so good,” he grunts as he brings you to another climax. His pace inside you never slows as he fucks you through your second orgasm, uttering words of encouragement as you come down from it. You can tell he’s close now, his hips faltering a bit. “Mmm, fuck honey. I’m so close, where can I-?” he asks, as you interrupt him before he can finish his sentence. “Inside, Sammy. Please, I need it so bad, wanna feel you,” you whine, causing him to throw his head back and moan at the idea of it.

He pulls out and flips you back over, then quickly slides right back into you. “Wanna look at you when I come, baby. Wanna see your face as I fill you up. Fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, unable to hold back anymore. He thrusts inside you a few more times before he reaches his own climax, pulling you in for a long, hard kiss. He whimpers against your lips as he finishes, coating your insides completely. His hands are holding your face affectionately as he pulls away from you, looking at you like you’re his whole world. He pulls himself out of you, still hovering over you, his eyes trained on yours.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says. He rubs his thumb on your cheek, looking down at you. “I love you too, Sammy. So much. I always have,” you say, smiling up at him. He pulls you in for another kiss, smiling against your lips and letting out a sigh. “You’re everything to me, Freckles. Everything.” He kisses your lips again lightly before taking your hand and helping you out of the bed, bringing you to the bathroom to clean up. You both take a shower, wash everything off, and then return to his bed.

You settle into bed, laying your head on top of his chest, breathing him in. His hands play with your hair as you wrap your arms around him, nestling in. “Goodnight, Sammy,” you say, sighing into him as you shut your eyes. “Goodnight, my love,” he answers, placing a kiss on the top of your head before drifting off to sleep, feeling the happiest he’s ever felt.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*.・゜゜・✩ ✦ ✩・゜゜・．*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧