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By: Pamels Paresky

Published: Mar 12, 2024

When Israelis speak about Oct. 7, they frequently say “there are no words.” But one word they consistently use is “shattered.”

Israeli psychologists have been treating severe trauma, complex trauma and collective trauma. The word “trauma,” however, fails to convey the scale, the savagery or the sadism of events that day. The term does not encompass the complex mix of disorientation, anguish, emotional overload and the experience of utter brokenness after the deadliest day for Jews since the Holocaust.

There is no word for the shock felt by Jews around the world when Israel was suddenly and without warning attacked by thousands of rockets targeting civilians from the north to the south and from the river to the sea. There is no word to describe what it is like to be a Jew kidnapped by terrorists indoctrinated since early childhood to believe that murdering Jews is rewarded in the afterlife. Or to know that the people you love are in the hands of terrorists who delight in rape, torture and slaughter; who enjoy forcing parents and children to watch as they inflict horrors on loved ones.

There is no word to convey the terrifying ordeal suffered by survivors of the attempted genocide that Hamas perpetrated on Oct. 7. There is no word that communicates the panic, betrayal, horror and distress of those who hid for hours waiting for help to come, reading WhatsApp messages about terrorists inside their neighbors’ houses. Hearing terrorists break into their own homes. Hearing the screams of injured and dying friends and relatives. Hearing sounds of gunfire and exploding RPGs punctuated by ecstatic shouts of “Allahu Akbar.” All the while knowing they were being hunted.

Everyone in Israel is just one or two degrees of separation from someone who was murdered, injured or kidnapped on Oct. 7. And everyone knows someone who sped to the rescue that day, many of whom never returned.

There is no word to describe the grief of a country still holding its breath while more than a hundred hostages remain in Gaza, and while hundreds of thousands of soldiers, many in their teens and early 20s, go to battle. Some returning badly injured. Some returning to be buried.

Israel, which in the 20th century absorbed hundreds of thousands of displaced Holocaust survivors as well as nearly 900,000 Jewish refugees fleeing antisemitism and violence in neighboring Arab countries, is now temporarily housing about 200,000 displaced Israelis — refugees in their own country — some in hotels and even dormitories.

This includes not only those evacuated from areas near the Gaza border, but also from the north, as confrontations with terrorists in Lebanon escalate. Many displaced families are unsure how long it will take before they can return home. Some refugees from the south have already returned. Some don’t have homes to return to. Some don’t know if they want to return.

There is no word in the psychological lexicon for what happened on Oct. 7 or the new world in which Israelis now live. But “shattered” comes closer than “trauma.”

A Shattered Paradigm

Jews are the only indigenous people who lived in one region for thousands of years, and then, when the majority were dispersed across the globe to be a tiny minority wherever they lived, managed to retain the same religion, rituals, language and attachment to their ancient land for 2,000 years — even as they believed themselves to be full members of their new host countries.

But Jews have also been unable to spend even one century without being ethnically cleansed, violently persecuted or massacred somewhere — whether in the Diaspora or the land of Israel. And since the newest iteration of Jewish control of the land in 1948, Israelis have existed under a threat to which there has been no real solution.

During the Second Intifada, roughly 1,000 Israelis were killed by Palestinian terrorists. There were stabbings, shootings, suicide bombings and beginning in 2001, mortar and rocket attacks launched from Gaza. In response, Israel increased security. Terrorists from the Palestinian Territories became less able to penetrate Israel’s borders and the number of injuries and deaths decreased. And of course, from the time they are little, Israeli children are aware that they will be required to serve in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF).

One of the most surprising things I learned during my time in Israel is that for decades, new parents have believed — or at least hoped hard enough to almost believe — that by the time their children are old enough to serve, defending the country from terrorism will no longer be necessary.

Gaza: “Land For Peace”

Gaza was home to Jews for over 2,000 years, beginning in at least the second century BCE and ending in 1929, when Arabs in the region once known as Judea killed more than 65 Jews in Hebron and around 135 Jews in Gaza. These pogroms came after a decade of similar antisemitic violence in the British Mandate of Palestine. A British commission referred to the pogroms as “racial animosity on the part of the Arabs.”

In part to protect Jews and in part to appease the forebears of the Arabs who in the 1960s would come to be called Palestinians, British colonial forces expelled the Jews from Hebron and Gaza, and restricted Jewish immigration to the region.

After the Six-Day War in 1967, Jews returned to live in Gaza. In 2005, in the hope of securing both peace and international goodwill, the Israeli government led by Prime Minister Ariel Sharon unilaterally withdrew its forces from Gaza and forcibly removed the 9,000-plus Jews who lived there, as well as disinterring those buried in Gaza.

Referencing the long history of Jewish expulsions by colonial forces and antisemitic governments, Gazan Jews’ protest slogan was “Jews don’t expel Jews.” The IDF physically carried many of them out of their homes and across the newly designated border.

Hours after the finalization of the historic 2005 withdrawal, Palestinian terrorists in Gaza fired rockets at Israeli civilians. In 2007, the year Hamas took over as Gaza’s government and murdered its political rivals, terrorists in Gaza launched more than 2,800 rockets and mortars at Israel. By then, the staunch international support for demolishing Gaza’s terrorist infrastructure, which Sharon expected would last a decade, had already evaporated.

Instead, between then and Oct. 7, with backing from Iran along with appropriated international aid controlled by UNRWA, the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (which has been revealed to be both a terrorist-training system and an internationally funded source of income for Hamas terrorists and supporters), Hamas significantly expanded its terrorist capabilities and vastly increased its stockpile of weapons.

Without the international support necessary to destroy Gaza’s terrorist capabilities, in order to keep Israelis safe, Israel had to rely on defensive strategies. Israelis’ famous technological ingenuity resulted in an increasingly sophisticated rocket-alert system that now includes smartphone apps, and the “Iron Dome,” a highly advanced technological system that intercepts terrorists’ rockets, neutralizing the vast majority that don’t fall within Gaza.

Nonetheless, bomb shelters are still necessary. They appeared across Israel’s roadways as well as in Israeli homes and businesses. The fortified room in a home is called a “mamad,” an acronym for “merkhav mugan dirati” which means “apartment protected space.” The door to a mamad doesn’t lock. If a home is damaged, first responders need to be able to open it in order to extract the people inside.

Life in Israel, and especially the otef (the Gaza envelope), can be hard for those outside of Israel to truly grasp. Imagine needing constant protection from terrorist rocket attacks, and trying to prevent your children from developing anxiety, panic disorders and PTSD. Israel’s creative solution was to turn children’s bedrooms into bomb shelters. In newer homes, when rocket attacks happen at night, instead of awakening children to take them to a shelter, Israeli parents calmly visit their children’s bedrooms until the danger has passed. Sometimes children don’t even wake up.

This all had the effect of transforming something life-threatening into something more like a nuisance. On Jan. 29, I experienced this myself when air raid sirens sounded in Tel Aviv and my cell phone app blasted a “critical alert.” Hamas rockets aimed at the city came close enough that from the bomb shelter, I could hear them exploding when Iron Dome missiles destroyed them in the air.

In a tacit contract between Israeli citizens and their government, Israelis have come to tolerate a certain level of antisemitic terrorist violence as the price of Jewish self-determination in the historical, biblical, and continuous homeland of the Jews. In return, Israeli homes — or at least, the mamads — were thought to be as safe as if covered by an iron dome.

On Oct. 7, that contract was shattered.

The Kibbutzim

Early in the morning, Hamas began their barbaric rampage. Thousands of rockets were launched from Gaza at civilian targets across the country, and Israelis took refuge in their mamads as they always do.

They soon understood that it was not a “normal” rocket attack — the alerts didn’t stop when they usually do. But they could not have imagined that at that moment, thousands of terrorists were breaking through the border wall and invading their country, intending to murder, rape, dismember and kidnap as many Israelis as possible. Or that terrorists knew exactly where to find them. Or that their “safe rooms” would become death traps.

Entire families were gunned down in their children’s bedrooms. Or they died from smoke inhalation. Or they were burned alive when terrorists set fire to their homes. In many cases, terrorists shot their victims through mamad doors as Israelis tried desperately to hold them shut.

That is how 18-year-old Maayan Idan was murdered in front of her family as her father, Tsachi, held the door closed. Terrorists livestreamed the family’s ordeal on Facebook as Maayan’s parents and young siblings tried to process what was happening.

Tsachi was kidnapped from Kibbutz Nahal Oz and is still a hostage in Gaza. At Maayan’s funeral, her mother, Gali, described being “shattered into pieces.”

Sixty-nine-year-old Itzik Elgarat was shot in the hand through his mamad’s door. He called his brother, Danny, who thought the handle had somehow injured Itzik and told him how to create a tourniquet. Just before the call was disconnected, Itzik became hysterical. “Danny! This is the end!” he said. “This is the end!”

Not understanding what “end” it could be, Danny called a relative who lived in the same kibbutz, asking him to check on Itzik. His relative told him the kibbutz had been overtaken by terrorists. As one of the few residents with a weapon handy, he had killed two terrorists in his own home. Danny then opened his phone tracking app and watched as Itzik’s phone entered Gaza.

Danny’s sister lived in the same kibbutz. She spent seven hours holding her door handle in the closed position, saving the lives of the two grandchildren who were with her. Terrorists kidnapped her ex-husband, Alex Dancyg, a 76-year-old world-renowned scholar of the Holocaust and Polish Jewish history, and the son and brother of Holocaust survivors. He has trained Israel’s Auschwitz guides for over 30 years, and is a beloved fixture at Yad Vashem, Israel’s memorial museum of the Holocaust.

According to released hostage Nili Margalit, for at least the first 50 days, Hamas held her and Dancyg and others from Nir Oz, most of them elderly, deep in a tunnel.l. To keep their minds active, they took turns giving talks about their areas of expertise. When Dancyg lectured about the Holocaust, the others asked him to speak about something else.

Margalit, Dancyg and Elgarat were kidnapped from Kibbutz Nir Oz, where 46 residents were murdered. By the time the IDF arrived, the terrorists were gone and had kidnapped approximately 80 people — about a third of all the hostages. About one quarter of their close-knit community was either kidnapped or murdered.

Thirty people from Nir Oz are still held hostage in Gaza, including Dancyg and his brother-in-law Elgarat. Also kidnapped were Elgarat’s next-door neighbors: Four-year-old Ariel Bibas, his 9-month-old brother, Kfir (who, if alive, spent his first birthday as a hostage), their mother, Shiri, and father, Yarden, who was taken separately after trying to protect his family. Images (shot by a Palestinian “civilian” who works as a photographer for the Associated Press) show Yarden being kidnapped on a motorcycle, blood gushing from his head; a terrorist with a hammer in one hand, holding Yarden by the throat. Hamas streamed the kidnapping of Shiri and her boys, all of them wrapped in a blanket. A screenshot of the terrified mother and her red-headed babies has become an iconic image of the Oct. 7 kidnappings.

About 100 residents of the larger Kibbutz Be’eri were also murdered that day, and about 30 kidnapped — together, 10% of that community. Among the kidnapped were Emily Hand, who spent her ninth birthday as a hostage. She was at a sleepover with her friend, Hila Rotem, when terrorists invaded the kibbutz.

After her release, Emily revealed that in Gaza, she, Hila and Hila’s mother, Raya, had been held not in tunnels, but in homes. For at least part of the time, she was with Be’eri resident Yossi Sharabi whose brother, Eli, was also taken hostage. Yossi’s wife and three daughters survived the massacre, but terrorists killed Yossi in Gaza, where Eli remains a hostage. Eli’s wife and two daughters were murdered. Yossi and Eli’s brother, Sharon, says his family is “shattered.”

The Nova Festival

Hamas terrorists who invaded Israel on motorized paragliders swarmed the Nova “peace rave” at a campground near Kibbutz Re’im. (Re’im means “friends.”) With assault weapons, grenades and RPGs, terrorists mowed down hundreds of partygoers who fled on foot and by car, many of which were incinerated. Of between 3,000 and 4,000 attendees, 364 were murdered and many more were injured. Forty from the festival were reportedly taken hostage.

Ayala Avraham and her husband, Ilan, although in their 50s, were regulars at trance music festivals, dancing together every weekend. Ilan frantically drove Ayala and a friend away from the Nova grounds while terrorists shot at them, hitting the car. The three made it to Moshav Yakhini, a small community near Sderot, where they hid in a standalone bomb shelter behind a security gate.

When Ilan realized terrorists were approaching, he gave Ayala the car keys, hugged and kissed her, and said “You will be okay.” Then he stood outside the shelter to distract the approaching terrorists, hoping they would not look inside. Several terrorists grabbed Ilan and absconded with him.

Other terrorists soon discovered the women, but left only one to guard them. The women broke free from their captor, who shot at them, wounding Ayala’s friend as they ran to hide behind her car. They were not well hidden. If he had come after them, they would have had no chance. But for whatever reason, he ran back toward the other terrorists. The women were soon rescued by the IDF.

For three weeks, Ilan, who wore dreadlocks, was thought to be missing. Eventually, his unusual hairstyle allowed him to be identified — terrorists had completely mutilated his face. It was later revealed that he had refused his captors’ demands to knock on doors and tell people in Hebrew that it was safe to come out of their homes.

Meanwhile, near the festival grounds, in tiny roadside bomb shelters, each built to accommodate 10, dozens of terrified festival-goers huddled together as terrorists sprayed them with gunfire and threw in grenades. In one shelter, a 22-year-old unarmed off-duty soldier, Staff Sgt. Aner Elyakim Shapira, caught seven grenades and threw them back out. The eighth grenade killed him.

Some survivors of the blast were kidnapped, including Aner’s close friend, Hersh Goldberg-Polin, an Israeli-American whose left arm was blown off below the elbow. His fate is unknown. In the shelters and elsewhere, many young people survived the massacre by hiding under the bodies of their friends and others.

As of this writing, 144 of those kidnapped have been released or rescued and 134 are still held hostage in Gaza. Reports indicate that as many as 50 of those in Gaza may now be dead.

Sexual Violence

Survivors who witnessed gang-rapes describe terrorists mutilating women before murdering them. In at least one account, a terrorist shot a woman in the head, killing her while still raping her. Hamas later denied the rapes, but manuals recovered from Hamas terrorists included a list of Hebrew phrases for communicating with Israelis — including “take your pants off.” And when interrogated, terrorists admitted to the raping of even dead bodies, saying that despite religious prohibitions on mistreating or killing women and children, Hamas leaders instructed them to murder entire families and permitted them to perpetrate rape.

In testimony delivered at the United Nations headquarters in New York, first-responders and those tasked with handling women’s dead bodies reported that many of the murdered were found partially naked; some with broken pelvises, some with grotesque injuries to their genitals. The Association of Rape Crisis Centers in Israel recently issued a report revealing that terrorists inserted nails, grenades and knives in Israeli women’s vaginas. The report detailed evidence that the sexual violence perpetrated by Hamas on Oct. 7 was intentional, “systematic, targeted sexual abuse.”

Meanwhile, many women’s organizations around the world have remained silent. Those that eventually condemned Hamas did so only many weeks later. Some have even denied the sexual violence. The director of the University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre signed an open letter that referred to Hamas terrorists as “Palestinian resistance,” called Israel “terrorist,” claimed that false reports about the Al-Ahli Hospital bombing were accurate, and asserted that testimony about Hamas rapes amounted to no more than “unverified accusations.”

Such appalling hypocrisy notwithstanding, a recent United Nations report noted a pattern among the murdered — mostly women — who were found naked, at least from the waist down, with their hands tied. This and other evidence, along with witness testimony, provides what the report called “reasonable grounds to believe that conflict-related sexual violence occurred during the Oct. 7 attacks in multiple locations across Gaza periphery, including rape and gang rape.”

Regarding hostages, the report is equally unsettling. “The mission team found clear and convincing information that some have been subjected to various forms of conflict-related sexual violence including rape and sexualized torture and sexualized cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment. The team also has “reasonable grounds to believe that such violence may be ongoing.”

Antisemitism and Shattered Illusions

If Jews in the Diaspora thought the events of Oct. 7 would turn the tide against anti-Zionist antisemitism, it took only one day to disabuse them. On Oct. 8, while Israel was still collecting bodies and eliminating terrorists within its own borders, more than 30 student groups at Harvard issued a joint statement declaring that “the Israel regime” was “entirely responsible for all the unfolding violence.” Across the country, identical posters advertising a “Day of Resistance” appeared, prominently displaying an image of a terrorist flying a motorized paraglider.

Despite such dispositive evidence to the contrary, on March 1, a New York Times news article (not an opinion piece) reported that this campus movement “began as general protests against continuing Israeli retaliation” (emphasis added).

Even as the depth of Hamas depravity and brutality is revealed, students, faculty and other illiberal activists continue to assert that what happened on Oct. 7 was not terrorism — it was “resistance.” And resistance, they insist, is justified “by any means necessary.” Hamas is an Arabic acronym for Islamic “Resistance” Movement.

A favorite campus chant, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is a Hamas slogan — a call to annihilate the Jewish state, which is bordered by the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. Some demonstrators prefer the Arabic version, which is more explicit: “From water to water, Palestine is Arab.”

By “Palestine,” they mean Israel.

Some protesters may not understand which river or what sea. But other slogans are less ambiguous: It’s difficult to see how “Globalize the intifada” and “There is only one solution, intifada revolution” are calls for peace rather than for violent attacks on Jews everywhere. If all that weren’t enough, many of the increasingly disruptive and even violent demonstrations in the United States incorporate the word “flood,” reflecting the name Hamas gave their Oct. 7 sadistic orgy of atrocities: Operation Al Aqsa Flood.

In a particularly cruel example of global anti-Zionist antisemitism, when posters of kidnapped Israelis appeared, they were quickly vandalized or torn down. At Harvard, a photo of baby Kfir was defaced with the words “evidence please” and “head still on.” On a picture of 4-year-old Ariel, graffiti read “google dancing Israelis,” a reference to an antisemitic conspiracy theory that Israel was behind the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers. And many of the faces of other kidnapped Israelis were obscured with red paint on a multi-part display.

After more than 150 days, anti-Israel rallies have continued on- and off-campuses across America. As hostages languish in tunnels and in the homes of terrorist-captors (some of whom, like an UNRWA employee and a physician, have been referred to in the media as “civilians”), many demonstrations include calls for a one-sided Israeli “ceasefire” with no calls for Hamas to surrender — nor even release the hostages.

The Oakland, CA City Council even voted down a condemnation of Hamas when passing a ceasefire resolution. Oakland residents argued that “the notion that this was a massacre of Jews is a fabricated narrative,” “Israel murdered their own people on Oct. 7,” and “Hamas isn’t a terrorist organization.” One went as far as to say, “I support the right of Palestinians to resist occupation including through Hamas.”

In other words: It didn’t happen. But if it happened, the Jews did it. And anyway, they deserved it.

Meanwhile, video footage taken from a camera in Rafah on Oct. 7 was released in February, showing Shiri Bibas and her two young boys with six terrorists in civilian clothing. On Feb. 12, the IDF pulled off a spectacular rescue of two hostages held in a private home in Rafah. Days later, students at Columbia University held an “all eyes on Rafah” rally. The demonstration was not to celebrate the daring commando rescue. Nor was it to demand the release of other hostages held in Rafah.

It was organized by two anti-Israel campus groups, Students for Justice in Palestine and Columbia University Apartheid Divest, to protest “Israel’s recent attacks on the city of Rafah.” The groups instructed members to obscure their faces with masks “for security.” During the rally, someone broke the glass in a door to the library.

Shattered Hopes for Peace

Though well aware of Hamas’ murderous intentions, many who lived near the border believed there was a bright line between Palestinian civilians and their violently oppressive, terrorist government. Residents of Kibbutz Nir Oz like survivor Irit Lahav, and of Kibbutz Be’eri, like Vivian Silver, who was one of the founders of the organization “Women Wage Peace,” devoted time to driving Palestinians from the Gaza border to hospitals in Israel, where they received the same, high-quality medical care available to Israelis. For over a month, Silver was thought to be among the kidnapped, since no body was found in her house. Eventually, however, her remains, found in the debris of her badly burned home, were identified using techniques borrowed from archeology.

In recent years, Hamas developed a penchant for using kites and balloons to launch Molotov cocktails and other incendiary devices into Israel, often killing wildlife and damaging agriculture. Some airborne packages carried brightly colored toys in order to appeal to children, and if all went as planned, blow them up as they reached for the toys. In spite of this, every year, members of the kibbutzim near the border would fly kites bearing messages of peace, signaling their hopes for the future to their neighbors across the border.

Saturday, Oct. 7 was supposed to be that day.

For the last 15 years, the “Kites for Freedom” celebration in Kibbutz Kfar Aza was organized by Aviv Kutz. On Oct. 7, Aviv, his wife and their three children were slaughtered by terrorists.

Margalit, a pediatric nurse who worked primarily with Arab-speaking patients at Soroka Hospital in Be’er Sheva, had planned to fly kites for peace that day. Instead, she was kidnapped from Kibbutz Nir Oz and spent 54 days as a hostage. Her father was murdered at Nir Oz and his body taken to Gaza.

For 12 hours, in the same kibbutz, Natali Yohanan and her family hid in their mamad, listening as Palestinian “civilians,” including a woman, rummaged through their belongings, and when they tired of trying to get the family out of the mamad, heated and ate the food Natali had left on the stove, and even switched Netflix to Arabic to watch some shows before finally leaving with their booty. Once the family emerged, they found that the looters had stolen everything from electronics, to Natali’s jewelry and makeup, to the family’s clothing — even Natali’s underwear.

In the aftermath of the massacres, residents of several kibbutzim were shattered to learn that Palestinians they had employed created maps of their communities for the terrorists, detailing the locations of their armories, the names of the residents, and even which homes belonged to members of security teams — the first to be murdered.

“Are these the people I wanted to help? These are people who want peace?” Irit Lahav now asks herself. She was equally astonished that after murdering her neighbors, terrorists took their dead bodies into Gaza — and sometimes only their heads. “What kind of human being would want to take somebody’s head …?”

After the beheading of 19-year-old soldier Adir Tahar was recorded on video, a terrorist in Gaza tried to sell Adir’s head for $10,000. The boy’s father was finally able to complete his son’s burial after the IDF found the head in a duffel bag — in an ice cream store freezer in Gaza.

A poll by The Palestinian Center for Policy Survey and Research found that more than 50% of Palestinians in Gaza and 85% in the West Bank support the Oct. 7 attacks. Most claim to not have seen videos of the atrocities and say they do not believe they happened.

Still, the Palestinian Authority (PA), which governs the West Bank, pays a monthly stipend to terrorists who slaughter Jews, and the pay scale is based on how many Israelis they murder. According to news reports, the PA recently added 661 of the Oct. 7 terrorists to the payroll, increasing last year’s $161,000,000 payments for murdering Israelis by $16,000,000.

These “pay for slay” incentives are enshrined in Palestinian law.

“This is outrageous,” Adele Raemer, who survived the massacre at Kibbutz Nirim, told the Jewish News Syndicate. “We teach our children coexistence while our neighbors make a living off our deaths.”

There are many stories of heroic Arab Israelis who saved lives that day—including four who spent hours rescuing dozens of people on their way to save a cousin, and Youssef Ziadna, a bus driver who drove straight into the massacre to help, rescuing 30 Jews, many of them wounded, even as he was constantly under fire. After news of his courage and selflessness went viral on social media, he received a death threat from someone who claimed to be from Gaza. “You saved 30 Jews’ lives,” the man said, adding, “Don’t worry, we’ll get to you.” Ziadna’s cousin was murdered, and four other family members were kidnapped. Only the two teenage family members were released.

I’ve heard stories of Palestinians with work permits who immediately went to authorities on October 7 when they realized what was happening. But it is currently unknown how many of the roughly 150,000 Palestinians who legally worked in Israel (including 18,000 from Gaza) participated in the attacks or aided terrorists. It is also unclear how many would participate in or aid future attacks if given the opportunity.

Those permits have been suspended indefinitely.

Taher El-Nounou, a Hamas media adviser, told The New York Times, “I hope that the state of war with Israel will become permanent on all the borders.”

Hamas abhors the democratic and Jewish values that allow equal rights for all regardless of sex, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation … etc. Their intention, which is shared by other Islamist terrorist groups like Hezbollah, the Houthis and Iran, is to conquer the West and establish a global caliphate. Israel is just the beginning.

Israeli Anti-fragility

The red anemones, which have come to symbolize Israel’s south, are now in bloom. Seeing them after everything that happened is hard, Vered Libstein of Kibbutz Kfar Aza told The Times of Israel. Almost 20 years ago, she and her husband, Ofir, founded the annual festival known as Darom Adom (Red South). Annually, more than 400,000 visitors would come to see the red blossoms, celebrate nature and enjoy the many family-friendly events.

On Oct. 7, Ofir was among the 62 residents murdered at Kfar Aza. Their 19-year-old son was also murdered, as were Vered’s mother and nephew — who jumped on a grenade, saving his fiancée’s life. Nineteen from their kibbutz were taken hostage. “Life is stronger than everything,” Vered insists, with typical Israeli resilience, adding, “We’ll need to find the strength to renew ourselves as well.”

Whether observant or secular, conservative or progressive, soldier or survivor, one thing I hear is a fierce determination not to let terrorists rob Israelis of more than what’s already been taken. “It’s the first and last time I’m ever leaving,” the owner of a shawarma spot near the Gaza border told American journalist Nancy Rommelmann. He and his wife have returned and reopened their store. “I won’t let Hamas win” he says.

Still, the country’s economy has been significantly disrupted. Not only are more than 150,000 Palestinian employees no longer working in Israel, until recently, more than 350,000 reservists across all business sectors were serving in the IDF instead of going to work as usual. (Now the number is roughly 130,000.) At the same time, tourism, which had only been back in business for less than two years since COVID, has nearly ground to a halt.

To make matters worse, many of Israel’s farms are in areas that have been evacuated. The kibbutzim that terrorists attacked provided close to 60% of Israel’s produce, and operated dairy farms, hen houses, and cattle ranches.

Many of the kibbutzim employed people from Thailand. At Kibbutz Nir Oz alone, 11 Thai employees were murdered, five were kidnapped, and only two have been released. But farm workers from Thailand are beginning to return. And there is a fairly steady stream of mostly (but not entirely) Jewish volunteers from other countries coming to Israel to pick avocados and citrus fruits, package food and undertake various other tasks disrupted by the war. Some visitors are here to console grieving friends and family. Others are here to participate in solidarity missions.

Still others, such as investors in OurCrowd, an Israeli startup investing platform, come looking for opportunities to donate or invest. The shekel has already rebounded to pre-war levels, and if history is any guide, now is the time to invest in Israel. Between 2008 and 2021, in the aftermath of each Hamas attack and IDF response, the Israeli stock market quickly not only rebounded, but surpassed pre-conflict levels. That may be why OurCrowd was able to raise and commit the financing for its Israel Resilience Fund in record time. It may also be why international investors have been investing in the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange — including billionaire Bill Ackman and his wife, Neri Oxman. But perhaps most emblematic of Israel’s anti-fragility: When everything was shattering and reservists were called to serve, 150% of the number summoned reported for duty. And despite the political fractures of 2023, this war’s young soldiers are proving to be Israel’s new “Greatest Generation.”

Meanwhile, the ethically illiterate and morally corrupt have joined forces to accuse Israel of genocide, an obscene blood libel designed to delegitimize Israel’s war to defeat an internationally designated terrorist organization — one that attempted an actual genocide of Jews on Oct. 7.

This type of Holocaust inversion, a central feature of contemporary antisemitism, codes empowered and self-determined Jews as “Zionists,” and casts Zionists as Nazis. This is how, on the day after Hamas circulated a video claiming to have murdered seven of the hostages, film director Jonathan Glazer, who says he is a Jew, can use an Oscars acceptance speech for “The Zone of Interest,” a movie about the Holocaust, to claim that the “occupation” has “hijacked the Holocaust” and that this “occupation” — rather than sadistic, genocidal terrorism — is to blame for “conflict” and by extension, for “the ongoing attack in Gaza” and even for the suffering of “the victims of October 7 in Israel.”

In other words: Whatever happened to Jews is their own damn fault.

Only in an upside-down world can a man who made a movie about the dehumanization and genocide of Jews make a speech dehumanizing both the victims of the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust and Jews now risking their lives to ensure that the latest attempted genocide fails. In this inversion, the lesson of the Holocaust is not the imperative to clearly identify and marginalize those who disseminate and act on hate. And it is not the moral obligation to stand against evil. It is a moral indictment of Jews, whose stubborn refusal to be annihilated and creative ability to overcome even genocide only serve to increase the believability of conspiracy theories that paint the Jew — and the Jew among the nations — as the powerful villain.

The truth is much simpler. Throughout history, as a small minority group, when Jews in the Diaspora were violently attacked, they fled. With an army of Israelis, however, Jews have been able to fight back. Israel’s Special Envoy on Combating Antisemitism, Michal Cotler-Wunsh, told an assembly at the United Nations that people outside of Israel still make the mistake of thinking Israel exists because the Holocaust happened. The truth, she says, is precisely the reverse: The Holocaust happened because Israel did not exist. With global antisemitism at record levels, Jews around the world are awakening to this reality.

Naomi Petel survived the massacre at Kibbutz Nahal Oz with her husband and their three young children because a terrorist’s bullet jammed the lock on her front door, making it inoperable, and looters in the other half of her duplex caused a flood, preventing the house from burning when terrorists tried to set it on fire. Even after their ordeal, she told me, there’s nowhere else she wants to live. Israel’s south is her home. Her family, along with most of their displaced kibbutz, are temporarily living in the north. They don’t know how long it will take before they can go back home. She and her husband now have red anemone tattoos.

On the “Walk-Ins Welcome” podcast, she told writer Bridget Phetasy, “What Jews have done throughout history is be kicked out, try to make it again in a different place … contribute as much as you can to society, and [hope that] maybe they’ll like us enough that they don’t try to kill us.” Over and over. Again and again.

“This time,” she said, “we’re not going anywhere.”

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ingravinoveritas · 7 months

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Did you see Neil's tumbler post about autism?? I never knew. Did he ever said anything about it before? My son was recently diagnosed, and Neil saying that he's autistic made me feel... I don't know, connection to him in a new way? Recognized? Hopefull? I don't have the words. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on it. I hope i didn't come off as offensive in some way. English is not my native language.

Hi there! I am slightly behind in Asks, so apologies to folks who have been sending them in over the past few days--trying my best to catch up now.

Firstly, you did not come off as offensive at all, so please don't worry! And yes, I did see Neil's Tumblr post (it's here, for those who might have missed it), and it's given me quite a lot of feelings, for reasons that would probably be expected.

I think what immediately came to mind when I read his post was a conversation I had with Neil when I met him back in November at a tribute to Ray Bradbury. I told him how much I was struck by the story he'd read, as it felt very much like an allegory for autism and resonated so much with my own experiences as an autistic person. He seemed to appreciate my comments and agreed with my observation, but never at any point in our conversation mentioned anything about identifying as autistic himself.

Does that necessarily mean anything? Of course not. I know that Neil does not owe me (or anyone else) a disclosure, and the decision to disclose is a very personal one that each person has to make for themselves. But thinking of Neil's post the other day, I'm also reluctant--for a variety of reasons--to say that it is a disclosure, or Neil definitely stating that he is autistic.

When I got your Ask on Friday morning, I was eager to answer it, though I knew I would have to wait because I was at work. Soon after, I had a difficult, emotionally draining meeting with my two supervisors. I ended up crying at work--which I have now realized is a trauma response--and by the time I got home and was starting to process everything, it was difficult not to look at Neil's post and flinch, particularly at the mention of "superpowers." That day, for the first time in a very long time, I could only feel the "kryptonite" part of being autistic. (My personal stance is that I have never considered autism to be a "super power," but something that is neither all good or all bad, and is part of who I am, yet not all of who I am.)

And from the conversation I had with my supervisors, I felt the responsibility and the pressure of other people seeing me in ways that I never intended--and regardless of whether I want to be seen that way. (For context: This was about my work as a professional speaker and people seeing me as an expert in autism/sexuality, when I never use the word "expert" to describe myself and always tell people I don't have all of the answers.)

The reason I mention this is because I feel like people read that post from Neil and--understandably, of course--saw something. They felt the connection that you described, and that sense of recognition. But what concerns me is that it's going to somehow turn Neil into a representative for an entire community, when that may not be something he wants or feels like he can be. If he is on a journey with autism--whether that means self-diagnosis, or a clinical diagnosis, or not having/seeking a diagnosis at all--that's something incredibly personal. As difficult as that journey is for people navigating it privately, myself included, Neil is possibly doing it in the public eye, which means that everything--every achievement and every misstep--is that much more amplified.

To that end, what I often see with Neil and social media is that he is either lavished with praise or torn to shreds (with very little in between). Being autistic means there is another possible dimension to who Neil is, but it can't be the only lens through which we see him. So I'm just hoping fans don't pin all of their dreams and expectations on him--not only for their sake and avoiding potential disappointment, but also for Neil's. To allow him the messiness and imperfection of being human, instead of a perfect role model.

I hope all of this makes sense. I'm still feeling a little raw from this past Friday, but I wanted to be sure I answered your question. Thank you for writing in! x

#mayaws #reply post #neil gaiman #autism #Friday was also the first time in a very long time that I felt that sense of being trapped inside myself #i used to feel it so strongly and all the time growing up #so it triggers the bejesus out of me to have something put me back in that head space #i'm feeling a lot of feelings #just hoping this wasn't too jumbled #thoughts #personal post #discourse

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starlightjasminsblog · 1 year

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Reasons why I can't see Elriel as a happy couple.

SJM is known for the development of her characters. Sometimes her characters need a "push". And that "push" usually is their partner: Rowan and Aelin, Elida and Lorcan, Yeren and Chaol, Cassian and Nesta and etc. All of these characters had some kind of trauma but their mate/lover helped them. They help them not to be afraid, to trust again, to feel worthy of themselves.

This is the reason why I don't see Elain and Azriel working out together. They are both shy and are used to listening rather than talking. I don't think they have what the other one needs. They both have traumas. Elain from being turned into a High Fae, and I can't imagine what's going on in her head with all those visions.

Azriel is desperate for a mate, he wants what his brothers have. And many might disagree but he feels entitled to Elain, we can clearly see it in his chapter. Referring to her as "the third sister" instead of as a potential love interest who will make him happy. Azriel is following his logic - three brothers and three sisters. Anyone in his place might feel confused. Why two of his brothers are with two sisters, why the third one is not destined for him?

My point is - Elain can't help Azriel and his trauma, she can't bring the joy he needs in his life. Yes, they would be cute together, but that's it. There will be no character development for both of them. And I'm not saying Az is what Elain needs. No. He might understand her sometimes, there are a couple of scenes in ACOWAR where we can see that, but Az is no fit for her. Elain needs someone who will help her to become a more confident version of herself. By the way, through the whole series, Lucien is the only one who gave her a credit for killing the King of Hybren. A couple of times is hinted that Elain doesn't quite belong to the Night Court. I know, SJM said she is "the quiet dreamer" but that doesn't necessary say she must stay there. If Nesta is death, Elain is life. She needs the opposite of night and dark - day and light. Her mate happens to be the son of the High Lord of the Day Court, and she is described as lovely and full of light many times. (And no, Az doesn't need that kind of light in his life.) If Elain gives Lucien a chance, if she becomes a little bit more comfortable around him, this will help not only her but Lucien.

Azriel needs someone who can accept the things he hasn't - his scarred hands, the way he tortures people, his connection with the Illyrians AND teach him how to love himself. Someone who will remind him that he has saved a lot of lives and he is worthy of love and care. Az doesn't need a forbidden love. He is extremely sad and depressed. Azriel needs someone to love him without hiding it or his shadows to hide from. They are part of him, he said it "I AM a Shadowsinger. It's not a title someone just made up." The shadows are an extension of him. If they hide from someone it doesn't mean he or she is a bad person. We don't know a lot about them, so we can't say what exactly means. But vanishing around the person he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with? This is a bad sign. There are a lot of posts, analysing his POV. The crumbs left for Gwynriel are there, we can see them as clearly as the day. If I include them, the post will be extremely long. I'll only mention the spark in his chest - very typical SJM language for mates. Also, why would he imagine how Gwyn's teal eyes might ligh upon seeing the necklace? The little hints speak for themselves.

P. S. I'm so sorry if there are any mistakes in the post! I'm not a native English speaker.

#gwynriel #elucien #gwynriel supremacy #azriel #gwyneth berdara #elain archeron #lucian #acotar

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multiplicity-positivity · 1 year

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Look, this is more of a general question that I'd be happy for you and your followers (if they and you feel comfortable) to answer: What is your sense of "self" like and what "type" of system do you consider yourself to be (multiple, median, something more specific, nothing specific, a third secret thing, etc)?

I'm trying to figure out how being plural "looks like" to say if I really am or if what I feel is something different /info

Hey, this is a… really difficult question.

Our sense of self is fragmented, weak, and unstable at best, and missing at worst. Each alter may have a bit of an idea about who they are as individuals (like name, pronouns, memories, interests), but we spend a lot of time in a fog or so checked out that we don’t (or can’t) really think about who we are. It’s taken us a lot of work in therapy and internally to even be able to sign off on these posts lol!

We often feel unreal, invisible, like we’re floating above the clouds, or trapped inside our own mind. Different alters feel and view our depersonalization in different ways, and out sense of self is not universal across the system. Ralsei might firmly know who soft is, what soft wants, and softs role in the system, while Ghost or Alucard (or me!) may struggle to remember our names, who we are as individuals, and where we’re going in life.

Many people with dissociative disorders are able to have enriching, worthwhile careers, but our severe fragmentation of self has kept us from being able to focus on a single track for the future. Kip is drawn towards mental health work, Margo wants us to go into library science, Cecil is fascinated with technology and wants us to pursue a career in IT… and I, the host, don’t know what I want. I feel like I’m always too hazy to learn anything that might help us in a career, I can’t choose between my alters, and past traumas have me believing that we’re not smart enough to do anything besides fast food work anyway (hence, we’re a delivery driver). Hopefully this example demonstrates how our choppy, incoherent sense of self impacts our lives in tangible ways.

As for what “type” of system we’d call ourself: at this point anyone in the system can agree that we are a DID system. That’s how we consider ourselves. Many of us in the system use labels like plural and multiple to describe our system, but not all of us view the system like that. For others, we collectively are “a person struggling with DID.” A person with a disorder, nothing more. These alters do not use plural labels for themselves or the system. In general, the system uses “alters” and “parts” language to describe ourselves and each other. Most of us don’t care for the term “headmate” for our system specifically.

One last thing I’d like to say is that plurality and systemhood look vastly different from system to system. So your experience with plurality may not look like ours at all. You don’t have to have a weak, unstable, or fragmented sense of self to be plural. You don’t have to struggle with depersonalization in order to experience multiplicity. These things often do come as symptoms of dissociative disorders, but not every system has a dissociative disorder.

You can click through some of the links in our post of resources if you’d like to learn more about dissociative disorders and plurality. Many of the websites we linked there include anecdotes and personal accounts from systems, so they might be able to help answer your question.

Sorry if this is rambly or doesn’t make much sense.

💫 Parker

#depersonalization #did system #dissociative identity disorder

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khaleesiofalicante · 8 months

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Ok yeah. I'm not done, and I'm making that everyone's problem😌. Sooo, other random thoughts!!

I remember in LBAF I, Selena said Rapunzel was her favorite princess when he asked David to tell her a story the first night he arrived at the NY Institute, but pretended not to know it so he could tell her anyway (CUTIES!). The thing is... I didn't realized that was foreshadowing for her powers until recently and I was like WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE?! But same, Rapunzel is my favorite, my first princess crush lol

That Never have I ever fic lives in my mind 24/7, Dani!! And it was so heartbreaking and traumatizing, and omfg Rafael, what are you doing?? I love pain, I need more :)

Where dreams come true was also AMAZING. It was so adorable I wanted to stab myself 🥺🥺. Milo Thatch was my crush since I saw that movie and came out of it bisexual without realizing it LMAO.

Also now that I'm thinking about it, I had a lot of crushes when I was little, but I didn't realize it until later... Is this a bisexual experience????

When you’re married to Magnus Bane, you don’t question whether God exists. You know he does, and you know damn well you’re his favorite. Malec really be saying the most profound things about each other with so much devotion and going on with their lives as if it didn't just destroy mine??? I love it🥰

At this point there's no way David isn't a direct descendent of Jonathan Shadowhunter. There have been way too many connections with him looking like Raziel to be a coincidence😤 istg if shadowhunters start to love him after/if it happens I will kill someone 🔪

I was wondering if the rest of the Lightwood-banes ever found out about what happened to David in IALS? Because he and Max said they wanted to keep that to themselves, as they felt so much of their lives were already shared (good for them). But I'm really curious how they would react🤔

I've read "Good boys go to heaven but bad guys bring heaven to you" like thrice and I'm always laughing like the first time. Those two are so horny and down for each other (no pun intended!) since second 1 in every universe 😂😂

I realized I am a dumbass, because I was reading the name Gabriel as you would say in english and not spanish... SPANISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE AND GABRIEL IS FROM SOUTH AMERICA AM I AN IDIOT? ffs, my dad's name is Gabriel, my mind took so fucking long😂

Also, what do you mean some people pronounce Rafael as Rafa-yel??? That name I read it right from the first moment, I've always liked it a lot lol. I'm still confused as to how people say the nickname though, because it is written as "Rafe", but I've never heard that nickname to someone named Rafael, just "Rafa". Idk, I just say the full name lmao

I just want David to be fucking happy and I'm ready to get into a fistfight for him ok??? The way everyone keeps describing him in LBAF with a sad face and knowing something is up because David used to smile even in his sleep?!?!? 😭😭😭

I love how Jackson literally looked at David and went: "This is the gayest, horniest, most fucked up person with traumas I've ever met. I'm keeping him. This is my human now. I will protect him at all costs and kill for him without hesitation." In every universe, makes me soft 🥰

You better pay for my therapy, because now I can't hear the word "louder" and not have war flashbacks of that asshole of Malory 😡

Fun fact: I use art and music as foreshadowing A LOT. Including rapunzel - and Paradise Lost and some other stuff in LBAF V hehe.

I might write David's Never Have I Ever next. It's the only one I have a proper/concrete idea on. But I keep second guessing like "could it be worse????" lmao.

MILO THATCH GIRLIES ARE BISEXUAL I SAID WHAT I SAID.

No one else other than mavid family ever finds out about what really happened to David. It's what he wanted so they let him have that :)

NO NOT YOU PRONOUNCING GABRIEL LIKE A WHITE PERSON NOAH WHAT IN THE HECK.

Jackson rights only. Always.

#lbaf

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faesystem · 2 years

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Hi! I came across one of your posts talking about systems and disordered plurals and avoiding syscourse until ready...

And I gotta admit, literally all those words are new to me.

I ask this respectfully and in good faith because I want to understand; what exactly are you talking about?

So this is the post explaining what DID (and OSDD, which professionals in the field say the differences between the diagnositic labels are I think it was "arbitrary" and ultimately that research about DID applies to OSDD. Do not have the source on hand, I could find it if you wish.)

Plurality is a label that people use to describe their experiences of feeling like more than one person. I phrase it like this because I am firmly of the belief that there is no firm 'yes or no this is and is not plurality'. Some people disagree and say DID/OSDD is inherently plurality, and as a DID system who does not identify as plural (even though our goal is functional multiplicity) I think this idea is harmful.

People tend to agree that plural as a label is something anyone can use if they feel it fits their experiences. This means it can mean literally anything to any person. Since it is so vague and open ended, that you can just opt into it if it feels right, that you can opt out of it if it feels wrong.

For us personally, we hate the term because it is nonpathologised. "Disordered plurality" is what DID is often times viewed as and we hate that defintion. It is far, far more than just having a bunch of brain buds in a disordered way.

With that said, people with DID/OSDD are absolutely free to identify as plural in the same way everyone else is. It is about if it fits your experiences.

There is a lot to syscourse. The post I linked intially describes the biggest aspect of it, which is the demedicalisation of CDD (complex dissociative disorder) systems and conflation of CDD systems and plurality. This is where most syscourse stems from.

But to be perfectly honest, while there's genuine issues in syscourse, it is actually quite meaningless. It is mostly just petty drama and misunderstandings. If I were you I would still avoid syscourse because it does nothing useful for you.

All you truly need to know is this:

CDD systems are people with a complex dissociative trauma response disorder that formed in childhood which is characterised by the primary symptom of multiple distinct identities within one body. There is more to it than just that, but that is the distinguishing symptoms. It is a disorder and inherently medical.

Plurality is a non-pathological label people use to describe their experiences of feeling like more than one person. These people may or may not have CDDs and may or may not consider their plurality disordered. However, not every CDD system will consider themselves plural. It is important to understand these two things as seperate in order to be respectful of CDD systems who do not identify as plural, and people who are plural for reasons other than CDDs.

Most of syscourse stems from differing definitions, in particular about the term system. System can either mean a) someone who has a CDD or b) someone who identifies as plural (sometimes people can be both definitions). So when anti-endos say "Endo systems aren't real" they mean "it's not possible to have a CDD system without trauma" not "plurals who are plural for reasons other than trauma are not actually experiencing whatever it is that makes them describe themselves as plural". When pro endos say "All systems are valid even if they're not disordered or traumagenic" they mean "All people who describe themselves as plural are valid in doing so, regardless of what the experiences this label is describing are" and not "CDD systems are able to be non-disordered and non-traumagenic".

It is important to respect everyone and their experiences, while also being mindful not up to spread misinformation. I believe that this includes viewing people who identify as plural as plural. My choice of language here-saying identify-is to help illustrate my point that it is an optional label, not indicate that they are not 'actually plural' and simply identify that way. They are actually plural because that is how they identify and view themselves. It is important to be respectful of that.

With that said, you can be respectful without condoning misinformation. Doing things like spreading education about CDD systems being traumagenic is important and good, even if that technically 'invalidates' people who identify as endogenic CDD systems. It is still misinformation regardless of that is how they identify. However, while it is harmful, that does not suddenly make harmful responses alright. Things like attacking individuals who identify that way or even trying to forcefully shove education down their throats--it does nothing to help and in fact worsens the situation.

This what you need to know section is so long. My apologies.

TLDR: Be nice and be educated.

#syscourse #discourse

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cesium-sheep · 2 years

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“it was inconceivable for her to ask him to protect her and her siblings, because he seemed to ‘be in the same boat’ as the children.” uhhhhh yeah bud! he was! turns out that people who abuse their children are usually also abusing their spouse! he was literally in the same boat! wild how that fuckin works!

it really gets on my nerves the way resources about child abuse focus on the child to the exclusion of all else, and this idea of “well why didn’t the other parent step in” is so fucking pervasive. it’s cuz they’re also abused you fucking clown! you fucking dust mite! it’s like as soon as child abuse comes into the picture the idea of partner abuse just fucking evaporates! and it drives me nuts! like people claim to have sooo much sympathy for partner abuse but as soon as it’s not just two people locked in a house together by themselves it’s always “well why didn’t you step up and protect them” bitch!!!! no!!!!

(apparently twitter was Having A Moment about parentification and someone linked an article that the quote at the beginning is excerpted from. parentification is a serious problem and can really fuck you up even in the absence of other forms of trauma and abuse/neglect (even though it very rarely comes alone) but like. part of being an actual adult now is understanding that sometimes more than one person is a target. usually more than one person is a target.)

(the [article] is otherwise interesting tho, given that apparently parentification is extremely common in mental health practitioners, although I guess they don’t have the self awareness necessary to reach their full potential in that regard which is a shame.

additional heads up that it does use pretty consistently gendered language for the theoretical parentified child, even though it is not a phenomenon exclusive to girls/young women, which the author does include a note about at the end. that may also be dealing with their shit though, in a more excusable case than most. and it does randomly fall into the surface level horseshit clownery about personality disorders around the part they start talking about romantic relationships in adult life, though that’s the only part where it comes up.

in better news it does also include the awareness that one cannot live on self-validation alone, which, yes. good. if the whole problem is these unbalanced relationships, finding more balanced ones is like, kind of necessary to believe it doesn’t have to be that way, and get the stuff all people need from interpersonal relationships of one kind or another.

it’s also written from an Indian perspective, as both the author and many of the interview subjects are mentioned as being Indian or working in India. the experiences and such described still line up very well with my own, so I’m not sure how much direct cultural impact there is at play here, but if you have an Indian friend who may struggle with the after-effects of parentification maybe they’d like this article more than one written by a white lady.

overall, pretty solid. except for those couple little issues I mentioned. a lot better than that book I haven’t finished tbh.)

#abuse #ask to tag #long post

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probablynotnothing · 5 months

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The term "personality disorder" is disempowering for many people to use to describe themselves. It is similar to religions that teach our default is "sinful and corrupt", and that we deserve penalties for not reaching a generic status quo standard. Sometimes this standard is healthy (enforceable or not) among all cultures, like outlawing violent behavior. Other times the standard is derived from perspectives and priorities distorted by extreme high stress and intergenerational trauma, and contains unreasonable or highly debatable contexts where "disorder of the personality" is applied as a tool to understand the cause and effect of painful experiences. There are many subcultures with their own rules of conduct and ways of understanding one another, and something that is considered a disorder in one culture is considered normal in a different culture.

The difficulty of a lot of people going through institutionalized, unexamined, uncriticized systems (sometimes psychology, therapy, addiction treatment, and religions included) is that we come in with our own subcultures with it's own pros and cons, just as the institutional culture has. The difference is the supposed beneficiaries of such institutions are often demonized and treated with contempt and exhaustion by the very systems that purport to help people. Through the lens of gratitude, it's apparent these instituions do offer help, in the sense that they fill a vacuum, however that doesn't mean that everyone who is funneled through these systems is receiving the appropriate care. There are unnecessary scars left on many people who go through such systems, which stick with us and prevent us from understanding our advantages and disadvantages, and how to cultivate a life that works with and not against who we are.

Using the term "personality disorder" can be a form of putting people deemed normal and "non personality disordered" on a pedestal, and maintaining a devalued perspective of yourself or others who gravitate to or were at some point assigned that label.

The term personality disorder is ineffective to people who will do damage and can't be reasoned with through promises of social belonging; it's only effective to moderate the behavior of people who are already susceptible to giving too much power to other people and feeling crippled under toxic shame, and in fact experiencing severe pain and behaving "disorderly" as a result of this toxic shame.

If you use the term personality disorder to describe yourself and it works for you, that's good. If it doesn't work to empower you, then don't feel pressure to use that term, and don't internalize other people using that term to characterize you. (Sometimes people might use that term to describe you in circumstances where you may need to respect this is the fee that the person requires for you to receive their protection or advocacy in some kind of way, especially if navigating some institutional environments). But just because you compassionately respect the language someone uses to imperfectly transmit meaning, it doesn't mean you need to internalize the meaning that term holds for you.

Everyone can be seen to have a "disordered personality" in some way, in the sense that no one behaves perfect. This is the requirement many people have of themselves and causes them to be harsh or have unreasonable expectations with themselves or with others, and the symptoms of this expectation will be evidenced somewhere, somehow. We all are unique individuals with quirks, preferences, advantages, disadvantages, and degrees of compatibility with different groups, subcultures, philosophies, and ways of life, ranging from very compatible to incompatible.

So many terms that are used casually, like formal diagnoses and psychological terms, are designed to be used in 1. institutional contexts, where people are often not understood or empathized with as an equal, but must be treated with a standard of respect and professionalism according to ethical standards, and 2. in legal contexts, where a person will be legally protected by government structures (eligible for housing, disability, healthcare, and playing a factor in court, prison, or other institutional rulings) if they use these terms to characterize their behavior and motivations. When used outside of intensive legal circumstances, these institutionalized terms escalate, or reveal escalation of, disagreements and stressful situations.

Identifying with labels like "personality disordered" may protect you from the townsfolk with pitchforks, but it doesn't mean it's a useful label to help people understand and relate to you in all circumstances.

When institutionalized terms signifying corruption of a person are used, it is used to create a polite but firm boundary, distance, and nonexplicit communication of mistrust. It's an intellectualized, detached form of saying "I don't understand this, is upsets me an I can't be of help". In many ways it's a useful way of peacekeeping, but in other ways it can mislead people to believe they are held responsible to manage a "disordered" person, or that a "disordered" person is reliant upon external direction in order to have hope of being "ordered".

When institutional terms like "personality disorder" are used, the underlying dynamic is not one of trust, willingness to work together and understand each other's goals, preferences, and experiences which have shaped their needs, and one another's beliefs regarding cause and effect, and identifying more options. People have the right to communicate their mistrust and boundaries, and to not participate- but it should be recognized that this is what is happening, to prevent situations where people believe they are receiving the love and compassion they need when in fact they are being pitied, tolerated, and not actually receiving a reflection of themselves which will equip them to manage the pains of life, their unique struggles and history, and the courage and patience to affirm and validate their own decisions, thoughts, feelings, and goals.

Using institutionalized terms can also be distracting from the fact that so many mental and emotional struggles are based on the health of the body- based on the physiological health of a person, based on the past experiences or symptoms of fear brought on by an imperfect world that results in injury to our bodies. These struggles also need much more of a humanitarian approach than a stiff, reductionist approach.

"Personality disorder" can be a useful tag on the internet to find people talking about useful and meaningful topics, but that doesn't mean it will be useful to internalize that label as a part of your identity, or to help other people get to know you. For some people it is useful, but for many people it isn't.

Labels like "personality disorder" can prevent people from normalizing themself and others, which can keep us out of "learning mode" and stuck in the fearful mode of defending or berating ourselves, based on a belief that our identities and job is to play a role of "disordered" and "subservient". Labels can be self-fulfilling prophecies.

It's ok to make mistakes or learn without labelling it as a "disorder". It's ok to disagree without being labelled as disordered. It's okay to do something considered wrong to the culture or belief system you are apart of and agree with, and to manage and handle the outcome and future without assigning the label of a disordered personality. It's ok to experience suffering, pain, and fear, and not need to label yourself as "disordered in the personality" in attempts to prevent or cause emotions.

We don't need to reinforce this everyday, identity-based sense that we are inherently messed up, wrong or bad. It's healthy and regenerating to have the primary narrative to be that we are a normal human being who responded logically according to our experiences, resources and knowledge. We can understand more efficient and advantageous behaviors, and to access useful information using "personality disorder" as keywords, without internalizing that we are at the base level "disordered", in the wrong, and bound within these definitions and expectations.

#personality disorder #mental health

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silvaskye · 1 year

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Been really fucking stressed over the last few days for various reasons, to the point of genuinely just feeling like there’s no point in anything, and I realised that I have social media and I can just say shit.

If you claim to care about the “safety of children”, but then turn around and say queer people should be killed, you do not care about the safety of children. You are actively contributing to the deaths of possibly hundreds of people, including children. If you advocate for the deaths of real people simply because you don’t like them, you don’t care about the safety of children, because you want them dead too.

I was queer before I knew what the internet was. I came out when I was 3. I didn’t have the language to describe it, and that’s all the internet gave me. Instead of saying “I’m going to have surgery because I think puberty is wrong for me and feminine terms make me uncomfortable when they’re used on me”, I could just say “I’m trans”. Instead of saying “I’m not interested in sex and I never want to have it”, I could just say “I’m asexual”. These are actual things that I said (rephrased obviously) when I was 3 to describe my identity. All the internet did was give me actual words to describe those things.

The internet didn’t “make me queer”, it made me understand that not everyone was as good as the people I was around. It made me realise that some people would see my parents raising me genderless (in 2006 btw) as “grooming” or “abuse”, despite the fact that it’s the only reason I have any happy memories of my childhood. It made me realise that transphobes would go as far as calling children rapists, or invalidating the abuse of people (friends of theirs included) just to make people hate trans people. But it wasn’t even the internet that spawned these beliefs, it’s people unwilling to look outside and acknowledge that people outside are real and not just characters.

Children are not safe. With the worlds current state, most of them don’t think they’ll ever be safe. I’ve seen full grown adults tell queer children to kill themselves. I’ve seen queer children say the laws in their country make them want to kill themselves. I’ve acknowledged that I don’t even feel safe in this world, and that the amount of stress I’m constantly experiencing is the reason I can’t and likely never will recover from my trauma, and why I don’t even want to try.

I went through so much shit as a kid. All kinds of abuse, undiagnosed disabilities, several near-death experiences, several suicide attempts, etc. There is no one that makes me feel like I’d be better off dead more than transphobes. There’s no one who makes me want to hurt myself or get unwanted surgeries and medical procedures more than transphobes. I know I’d never fit their definition of a woman, even if I had the surgeries to change me being intersex. I’d still be unable to have children, I’d still be masculine-looking, and I’d still feel this empty and hopeless. Some of us will just never be good enough in their eyes.

Transphobia kills trans kids. Transphobia also kills cis kids. If you care about the safety of children, don’t be transphobic.

#argue with me on this post and I’ll show you why two grown adults changed their bios for me #it might just be because they were immature. but most transphobes tend to be so I’m not surprised #queer #transgender #trans #lgbtq #asexual #intersex #tw vent #<- just in case #transphobia #tw transphobes #tw transphobia #tw queerphobia #tw suicide #tw death #homophobia #tw homophobia

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danielmichaelhurt · 1 year

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What Is a Servant Leader's Role?

Servant leaders place a premium on the well-being, development, and success of people they lead and manage. This distinguishes them from conventional leaders, who prioritize their own personal ambitions. Empathetic leadership is one method servant leaders may do this. This involves recognizing the trauma that team members may have had as a result of toxic work environments and assisting them in finding recovery.

A servant leader can look in the mirror of their own emotions and comprehend what it's like for people who are suffering. By doing so, they may foster connection and understanding, encouraging others to seek assistance when necessary.

Empathy can be described in a variety of ways. Some describe empathy as the ability to share another person's sentiments, whether pleasant or negative, without experiencing them oneself.

Other meanings, on the other hand, include the capacity to put yourself in the shoes of another person and see things from their point of view. This is referred to as cognitive empathy.

Empathy has also been shown to improve a person's mental health. People who can empathize with others are more self-aware and better at controlling their own emotions, according to research. They are also more prone to participate in helpful acts when they believe others require their assistance.

Listening is an important part of servant leadership that can be learnt. Servant leaders listen on a regular basis to obtain new perspectives, create connections, and show respect and positive regard.

Attention, understanding, and retention of the material being delivered are all required for good listening. It also takes a commitment to block out distractions and devote your whole focus.

Eye contact, minimum reaction (such as nodding or touching), and imitating the speaker's body language to demonstrate genuine interest in what they are saying are all effective listening methods.

Reflective listening entails summarizing what was said and asking questions to ensure you comprehend the speaker's point of view. These abilities assist you in understanding the meaning of a statement and in gathering information without making assumptions or leaping to conclusions.

Servant leaders apply their expertise and experience of their company to assist the team in making sound decisions. They are strategic thinkers who utilize techniques such as SWOT analysis and SMART objectives to assess their present condition and surroundings.

They also recognize that it is their obligation to safeguard and uphold the trust and confidence that has been placed in them in their role. They inform the team about their obligations and urge them to take ownership of their job.

A servant leader gets to know their team members on a personal level and makes them feel seen, heard, and understood. For example, if an employee reports that they have lost a family member, a servant leader will be sympathetic and will strive to assist them get support.

They also use their abilities to assist the team improve professionally and emotionally. They can accomplish this through giving learning opportunities, assisting with group tasks, or taking the time to listen to and guide their coworkers.

Courage is the capacity to confront obstacles without being paralyzed by fear. Courage may be demonstrated in everything from a child standing up to bullies on the playground to a person filming police abuse on their phone.

Servant leaders show bravery by putting others before themselves on a regular basis, putting their ego aside and utilizing their influence to encourage and assist others. This contributes to the development of a strong team culture as well as the promotion of innovation and creativity in the workplace.

The primary distinction between bravery and courage is that daring acts need a high level of thoughtful decision-making and preparation. A swimmer, for example, who is aware that leaping into a freezing cold pool may lead them to freeze or drown is more likely to do it on purpose.

Similarly, when presented with the decision of pursuing a hazardous new company plan or sticking with a well-established business model, a business leader may choose for the latter. This is frequently done in order to maximize return on investment and improve company outcomes.

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writingwithcolor · 2 years

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Historical romance with Black woman, without including racism

Anonymous asked:

I write regency romance and I have a female character that I have written as having a mother who is black Antiguan and father who is white British in 1819—he’s a Viscount so they are highly placed. I want their daughter to have a typical romance arc…and that’s it. I don’t plan on making any of her problems about race or even mention it other than describing her as black and a brief backstory on how her parents met. In ignoring this aspect of her—whatever problems might have presented themselves, what conflicted feelings she might have about British white high society in that era—am I wrong? If I am wrong but still don’t want the romance to be about race and class, how to do that in a respectful way?

Or, is it okay to tell the story of romance without race being an issue at all?

Yes, yes, and yes. And it’s not so much about ignoring any racial conflicts in the era. Although, the history and treatment of Black people was not the same in the European regions as it was in the Americas (feel free to do some research, for context).

It’s about whether the issue matters specifically to:

your story

the specific area

your character’s narrative

to those around her, or specifically the people she interacts with, including the lover, his relatives, friends, and so on.

And it’s okay for that answer to be no. You do not need to make racism just * not exist* but rather, not make it a matter for the people in the story. This is the case whether you write a story set in 1819 or 2025!

Black people should be allowed stories, especially with romances, that aren’t about racist conflict and being dehumanized. The regency romance genre lacks Black women protagonists in love, and BIPOC in general. And these Black women and people do not need to only be mixed race or light, either.

Steps to diversify the genre starts with just letting us exist in history without fears of being “historically inaccurate.”

As discussed many times here:

Black people existed (and exist!) in Europe, and not only as enslaved or oppressed people.

Arguments against historical accuracy are usually only served to keep inclusion out, not to bring it in. The same historical accuracy is not called for when including fairies, ogres and dragons in historical settings.

Therefore, if supernatural creatures can exist in this era as upper class and royalty, so can Black people, period. But again, they did! So.

Not including racism doesn’t mean ignoring reality

Now, if one were to write a story about a Black person today and not include any racism, are they somehow doing Black people a disservice by not putting them through traumas and racism they already face on a regular basis? I would say absolutely not. In fact, it’s what I personally go for. Escapism should exist for us too. These heavy-hearted books have their place and can be sought out if desired.

Colorblindness

On the same note, colorblindness is not ideal. You mention that you’ll still describe the characters, which is good. But being Black or another race or ethnicity, but leaving out the anti and ‘isms doesn’t mean you’re removing an essential part of them. A welcome part of representation is to acknowledge their looks, culture, food, languages…aka the things that make them who they are. The narrative doesn’t need to obsess over differences, but simply accept them as natural.

Some people have this fear of race. As if to talk about, mention or even notice race is to be racist. “Black” is a whispered word.

Avoid all talk of “despite of race” or “not seeing race” because that’s

1) simply not true and is

2) another form of racist erasure.

We can see and acknowledge differences between you and me. And they can simply be embraced and accepted, not ignored.

Ways to acknowledge diversity without racism in romance

There are many ways to do this. Here are just some ideas, some vague and some specific.

Describe and mention the character’s looks

Include physical descriptions of your character’s race. Whether you show or tell, you should make it clear that they’re Black, or the given race you’re writing. It doesn’t have to be a big deal for the plot. It should be something that is at least apparent to readers. Without clear indication, the character will likely be seen as white. Book covers help avoid this white-as-default assumption, too.

You can thread descriptions and reminders, short or longer, throughout the story.

Examples

She had rich brown skin and even darker brown eyes. I lost my breath when she tucked her chin, only to bat her heavy lashes my way.

Thick curls spilled around her face, black coils against golden brown skin.

I attribute my looks to my Antiguan roots - dark brown skin, umber eyes, and a small, rounded nose - all traits that I got from my mother.

She tucked a thick coil under her bonnet

Comparisons also work, particularly if the people are not used to seeing people of this race. Now, these comparisons should not be about exalting one race or putting down the other group(s). Pointing out differences does not need to be a battle of what or who is better looking.

More examples

Lance couldn’t keep his eyes off of the beautiful woman stepping off of the boat. Her skin held a warm brown hue. He’d never seen skin this rich in color – all of his friends and neighbors were pale or only slightly tanned from the sun.

She had dark skin, her brown shade much deeper in tone than the other humans he had met so far on his ventures through space.

Her brown skin, black hair and dark eyes contrasted with those of the pale, blonde women in the room.

“I hear the Duke is courting that young Moorish woman.” “The woman’s name is Emilia Watson,” Sarah said, resolutely.

He admired the stark contrast of their skin, brown and white, as they walked hand in hand.

Add culture, not racism

Culture is many, many things. So there’s many ways to show hints of it throughout the story.

Consider things like:

Food

Holidays

Clothing

Religion, beliefs, myths

Language, phrases

Mannerisms, values and habits

Superstitions

Family roles

Traditions and customs

Art

Food

A special mention to food, but perhaps because I’m hungry writing this. Food can be culture, and a very important part of it, I think it’s also an easy and fun way to incorporate it into a story, without needing to mention racism.

Examples

The characters makes her partner or the family a traditional dish. He / they could also share their favorites with her.

She shows him how to make a dish passed down throughout the family.

Something she makes him is so spicy that he runs to find water for relief, which could be a funny and cute moment.

They celebrate a special holiday or tradition by making a meal together.

They visit a market that sells food or produce from her homeland that they try and enjoy.

In summary

Please feel free to write historical romances with BIPOC, minus the racism. I promise that there’s an audience for it!