#A Nighttime Patter-Fall

[sparksofcalliope]

Two Poems by Katherine Tencza

#poetry #poems #poetrylovers #SparksofCalliope #trending #viral

A Nighttime Patter-Fall The lovely lull of a parade of dropscascading down in a staggered cropof tuneful keystrokes singly playedin the waiting wood that dreams of daysends lilting waves of calm to eachits downy touch extends to reach. It steals into house-quiet, too,and its melody, though muted, seeks out the hueof a mind still alive with firework burstsof delight and disturbance, distress and…

[valkyriexo]

You have the Flu | Felix

ᑉ³pairing; Felix x Reader

ᑉ³genre; Sickfic, Comfort, Fluff,

ᑉ³warnings; use of pet names

ᑉ³Authors Note; Other members coming soon!

Part of the "He helps you when.." collection. Other members parts: Chan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin | Han | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

As you leave the office, the weight of the day begins to lift. You're looking forward to heading home, maybe even curling up with a good book or binge-watching your favorite show. It's been a long week – Thursday afternoon, the anticipation of the impending weekend is palpable, yet one more day of work still looms ahead.

The rain catches you off guard, a sudden onslaught that seems to mirror the weight of the week you've just endured. Dark clouds hang low in the sky, casting a somber shadow over the bustling streets below. The sound of raindrops hitting pavement fills the air, drowning out the usual cacophony of city life.

You hadn't expected rain today – hadn't bothered to check the weather forecast, too consumed by the demands of work to think about anything else. Now, you find yourself standing on the sidewalk, unprepared and unprotected against the elements.

The air is thick with the scent of wet asphalt and the sound of rain hitting the pavement is a constant, soothing rhythm.

With a heavy heart, you reach into your pocket for your phone, hoping to call for a taxi and escape the downpour. But as you bring it out, you notice the battery icon blinking ominously – a glaring red warning that it's about to die.

You curse under your breath, frustration mounting as you realize the extent of your predicament. Without a working phone, you're stranded in the rain, with no means of summoning help or seeking shelter.

Reluctantly, you tuck the phone back into your pocket, resigned to your fate. The cold seeps into your bones as you huddle beneath the feeble shelter of an overhang, watching the world pass by through a curtain of raindrops.

Minutes stretch into what feels like hours as you wait, the anticipation of a taxi's arrival your only source of hope amidst the relentless downpour. With each passing moment, your patience wears thin, your spirits dampened by the relentless assault of rain.

Finally, a taxi pulls up to the curb, and you practically leap inside, grateful for the warmth and shelter it provides.

As you settle into the backseat, you let out a long exhale, feeling a chill creep into your bones. The sound of rain against the windows is muffled now, replaced by the hum of the engine and the soft patter of droplets on the roof.

You give the driver your address and sink back into the seat, closing your eyes for a moment of peace amidst the chaos of the storm. The gentle rocking of the taxi lulls you into a state of calm, the tension in your shoulders slowly melting away.

Outside, the rain continues to fall, a steady rhythm that serves as a backdrop to your journey home. But inside the taxi, you're safe and dry, cocooned in a bubble of warmth and comfort. And you watch as the city lights pass by in a blur of color.

But as the night wears on, you start to feel worse. Your head throbs, your throat feels scratchy, and your body aches all over.

As you stumble through the door of your apartment, you can't shake the feeling of exhaustion that weighs heavily upon you. But you're grateful for the familiar surroundings of home.

Dragging yourself to the bathroom, you strip off your wet clothes and step into the warm embrace of the shower. The hot water soothes your aching muscles, but it does little to ease the pounding in your head or the scratchiness in your throat.

After what feels like an eternity, you emerge from the shower and clumsily towel off. You're too tired to bother with your nighttime routine, so you simply crawl into bed, shivering despite the layers of blankets.

After what feels like an eternity, you emerge from the shower and clumsily towel off. You're too tired to bother with your nighttime routine, so you simply crawl into bed, shivering despite the layers of blankets.

You glance at the clock on the nightstand, its glowing digits informing you that it's now 9:26 PM. Your phone, now charging, sits on the nightstand, but you can't summon the energy to check it. Instead, you drift off into a fitful sleep, the fever burning through your body like wildfire.

--

As you slowly awaken from your fever-induced slumber, you're greeted by the persistent pounding on your door. Every muscle in your body feels heavy, and the thought of moving seems impossible. You try to call out, You try to call out, but your voice comes out as nothing more than a raspy croak, barely audible even to your own ears.

The persistent pounding on your door feels like a distant echo, a sound from another world intruding upon your fragile consciousness. With each thud, your heart beats a little faster, a sense of unease creeping into the edges of your mind.

The pounding grows louder and more urgent, reverberating through the room like a drumbeat. Then, above the din, you hear the unmistakable sound of keys jingling in the lock, sending a jolt of adrenaline coursing through your veins. Your heart skips a beat as anticipation and anxiety intertwine within you.

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and Felix rushes into the room, his face a whirlwind of emotions – concern, relief, and something else that you can't quite place. His eyes lock onto yours, searching for reassurance amidst the chaos of your fevered state.

"Felix," you manage to croak out, your voice barely above a whisper. Relief floods through you at the sight of him.

"You didn't answer any of my messages or calls," Felix says, his voice tinged with worry as he rushes to your side. "I got really scared when I went to check up on you at work and you weren't there, so I came straight here. Are you okay?"

"Felix," you whisper. "What time is it?"

"It's 3 PM," he replies. "I've been so worried about you. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

You manage a weak nod, reaching out to grasp his hand. "I... I think I caught the flu. I feel awful."

Felix's expression softens with concern as he feels your forehead. "You're burning up. Let's get you some water and medicine, okay? We'll make you feel better."

You nod gratefully, letting Felix guide you to sit up as he hurries to fetch a glass of water and some fever-reducing medication. As he fusses over you, you can't help but feel overwhelmed by his care and concern.

Felix's brow furrows with concern as he settles beside you, his worry evident in his voice. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

You sigh. "Since last night. I... I think it's because of the rain," you admit reluctantly. "I got caught in it on my way home from work yesterday, and I didn't have an umbrella or anything. By the time I got home, I was already feeling sick."

Felix's expression darkens with concern and a hint of frustration. "You were out in the rain without proper protection, and you didn't say anything?" he asks, his voice tinged with worry and reproach.

"I didn't think it was a big deal," you mumble, feeling ashamed for not taking better care of yourself. "I thought I'd be fine, but... I guess I was wrong."

Felix's features soften as he reaches out to cup your cheek, his touch gentle. "You should have told me, sweetheart," he says softly. "I would have come to get you, or at least made sure you got home safely. I hate seeing you like this."

You nod, feeling tears prickle at the corners of your eyes. "I'm sorry, Felix," you whisper, feeling overwhelmed. "I should have said something. I won't do it again, I promise."

Felix pulls you into his arms, holding you close as he presses a kiss to your forehead. "It's okay," he murmurs, his voice warm and comforting. "Just focus on getting better now, alright? I'll take care of you."

With a tender smile, he rises from the bed and heads to the kitchen, returning moments later with a steaming mug of his favorite tea. Its aroma fills the room, carrying with it a sense of warmth and comfort.

"Here," he says softly, offering you the mug. "This always makes me feel better when I'm under the weather. Maybe it'll help you too."

You take the mug gratefully, the warmth of the tea seeping into your hands.

As you slowly try to drink the tea, your hands trembling slightly from weakness, Felix notices the sadness etched on your face. then, he suddenly disappears into the other room.

A couple minutes later he returns with BbokAri cradled gently in his arms, a soft smile gracing his lips as he approaches you.

"Here," he says gently, placing the plush toy in your hands. "This little guy never leaves my side, but tonight, I want him to keep you company. I thought he might help cheer you up too."

Taking the plush toy into your hands, you can't help but marvel at its softness and the love that emanates from it. As you hold it close, feeling its comforting presence, you notice Felix's gaze lingering on you, filled with concern and tenderness.

Seeing your body tremble with chills, Felix's heart wrenches with concern. "You're so cold," he murmurs. "Let's get you warmed up."

He quickly rises from the bed, leaving you momentarily bereft of his comforting embrace. However, he returns moments later with an extra blanket, which he wraps snugly around you. Then, he retrieves a heating pad, placing it gently near you.

As you shiver from a combination of fever and cold, Felix notices your discomfort. Returning to your side, he slips under the covers beside you, wrapping his arms around you in a gentle embrace. He holds you tightly, his own body heat radiating against yours, as he murmurs soothing words of comfort.

You snuggle closer to him. Felix holds you close, his steady heartbeat a reassuring rhythm against your ear. You hold BbokAri close to your chest, feeling its softness against your skin. Felix wraps his arms around both you and BbokAri, and you feel a sense of safety and security wash over you, banishing the cold and the fear that had gripped you moments before.

Felix presses a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as if to convey all the love he holds for you. "I'll do whatever it takes to see you smile again," he murmurs, his voice a gentle caress against your skin. "You mean everything to me, and I can't stand to see you like this."

"Do you want more medicine, or is there something else I can do to ease your discomfort?" he asks gently, his voice filled with a desire to help.

"Having you here, holding me like this," you say softly, "is all the medicine I need."

Felix's smile is tender and full of affection. "I'm glad I can provide some comfort," he replies, brushing a strand of hair from your face. "But if there's anything else I can do, just let me know. I'll bring you more tea, medicine, anything you need. Or we can go on a walk? Get some sunshine and fresh air."

"You already bring the sunshine with you, right here in this room," you say, your voice soft with love.

Felix's eyes shimmer with warmth at your words, a soft glow of affection enveloping him. Pressed against each other for warmth, you drift off into a peaceful sleep, the sound of Felix's steady breathing lulling you into a sense of calm.

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

[lnfours]

you are in love | l.n

summary: the moment where you knew he was the one.

warnings: best friends to lovers au, shitty dates, language, a little bit of innuendos, and just pure, tooth rotting fluff.

masterlist | inbox | listen

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

you walked out of the restaurant, nails tapping against your screen as you walked on the sidewalk. there was a soft, warm breeze in the city of monaco as you stared down at your phone. your phone locked once you found somewhere to stand, out of the sight from the crowds, and specifically the guy you had left at the dinner table.

can you come get me?

it was almost ten. and if he wasn’t asleep, he was definitely doing better things with his time-

of course, where are you?

your heart pattered against your chest, your fingers moving to tell him the name of the street corner you were standing at. he had responded quickly after, saying he’d be there in five.

and he was, the mclaren pulling up besides you. he had the top open for the nighttime summer breeze to flow through. you stepped closer, opening the door and climbing in carefully before closing it behind you.

“you alright?” he asked, car still parked as he made sure he didn’t have to go back into the restaurant and give the guy a piece of his mind.

when you nodded, he let out a breath of relief, “i just really know how to pick ‘em, huh?”

he huffed out a laugh, pulling onto the road, “we could say that,” he looked back over at you as you looked out the window, “back to mine? or yours?”

you met those stupidly beautiful green eyes and you let out a shaky breath as his eyes scanned your features, “yours is fine. blair is out of town anyway, so it’s been lonely.”

“oh, yeah? where she go this time? ibiza? france?” he joked and you snorted next to him. your roommate, blair, came from money. big money. and every other weekend, she always had somewhere new to take her father’s private jet. even if it was just to visit a louis vuitton store in paris.

her frequent trips had become an inside joke to you, max and lando. so far as to where the three of you make bets on which extravagant place shes visiting every time she leaves. this week, it’s bali.

“close,” you nod, “her family’s vacationing in bali this week.”

“damn,” he mumbled, “so close.”

you both shared a soft laugh, a comfortable silence falling over the two of you as you watched the city life out the window. he couldn’t help but take occasional glances towards you, his eyes falling to the necklace sparkling around your neck.

the one he had gotten you for your most recent birthday. you had refused to accept his gift at first, immediately shaking your head when you spotted the tiffany blue box underneath the wrapping paper.

but he insisted, and now you never took it off. a silver heart engraved with a little four. a subtle detail, but a special one. some people thought he seemed ‘full of himself’ because he got you a gift with his number on it. but, you were the one who encouraged him to chase his dreams. the one who pushed him to do better, the one who never believed for a second how the media tried to paint him out to be.

because, to you, he wasn’t ’lando norris: mclaren formula one driver with a sassy attitude who’s full of himself’, to you he was just ‘lando: the boy you’ve known your entire life, who knew everything about you, and the boy who would pick you up after a shitty date’.

at the end of the day, it was always the two of you against anything and everything. two peas in a pod, as cisca would say.

the two of you got to his apartment, his key unlocking the door and pushing it open. once you got inside, you kicked your heels off by the door as he made his way into the kitchen.

“do you still have those makeup wipes i left here?” you asked.

he nodded, reaching into one of the cupboards as he grabbed the white mug with little yellow stars on it. your mug.

“should be in the top drawer in the bathroom with your toothbrush and hairbrush,” he said, turning back to you, “want a coffee?”

you nodded, letting out a soft sigh, “please. milk and two-“

“two sugars,” he smiled softly, “i know.”

you smiled back at him before turning and walking down the hallway to his bedroom. when you entered, you took in the view of his freshly made bed and the hamper in the corner being empty. a sign that he had done his laundry and cleaned the house today.

you hummed softly, opening the closet door and thumbing through the different hoodies he had. you settled on an older mclaren one, the same one he had lent you a few years back when you were crying on his couch.

you also snagged a pair of sweatpants while you were in there, changing into them and placing your dress on his dresser. making a mental note to take it with you when he takes you home in the morning.

once you had taken your makeup off in the bathroom, you made your way back to the living room where he was sitting on the couch, phone in hand as he held his mug. you sat next to him, your mug on the table next to you. you took it into your hands, smiling over the rim.

“thank you,” you said.

“‘course,” he smiled, locking his phone and picking up the remote, “what episode were we on before we fell asleep the other night? i don’t remember,”

you looked over at the tv in front of you, now noticing he had the show the two of you had been watching pulled up. you twisted your lips in thought.

“uhm, i think six? maybe seven?” you said, he clicked on six and after a few seconds you realized the two of you had guessed correctly.

at some point during the show, your head had ended up on his shoulder. his arm had pulled you closer into him, taking in the smell of his cologne and the shampoo he used. a scent you had grown to love, to look forward to every time he wrapped his arms around you to give you a hug, or whenever you were close enough to him to pick up on it.

at some point you had zoned out, thinking to yourself. maybe the reason all these dates hadn’t worked out was because they all lacked something. something no one else had other than lando, the boy who knew you like the back of his hand.

you shifted, moving to look at the boy with curly brown hair, his face illuminated by the soft glow of the tv. you took in the beauty marks that freckled his face, the ones he used to complain about when he was younger, but you always said it was your favorite thing.

maybe it wasn’t the fact that lando knew you like the back of your hand that turned you away from all the other men who’d swipe right on you. maybe it was the fact that they weren’t him.

you didn’t know when, but somehow you had fallen in love with the boy next to you. i mean, who could blame you? he was everything you could ever dream of, the perfect man.

he turned and met your eyes, his face inches from yours now. you smiled softly, his lips turning up in return. his eyes scanned yours and you took in a nervous breath when his eyes traveled to your lips.

“i’m sorry that date didn’t work out for you,” he said softly, “these guys really don’t know what they’re missing out on.”

you shrugged, “it’s okay,” your heart was hammering against your chest, questioning silently to yourself if he could hear it.

he couldn’t, but he could tell when he scanned your face that you didn’t really seem all that upset. he wasn’t really sorry, either, to be fair. it might’ve seemed selfish, but he always anticipated your ‘can you come get me?’ texts whenever he knew you were going out. he prayed the dates would fail, so he could finally be the one to take you out and do it properly. give you that fairytale kind of love you deserve.

he blurted out before his mind could even filter it, “can i tell you something?”

you hummed. fuck, there was no going back now.

“i’m kind of glad those dates haven’t worked out.”

you furrowed your eyebrows in question, “why’s that?”

“because i want to be the one to take you out,” his voice was soft and it sent your heart right into your throat, “all the fancy dinners, the kissing goodnight at the doorstep, all of it.”

his eyes traveled back to your lips and you sucked in a breath, “can i tell you something too?”

he nodded, his face centimeters away from yours now. your warm breath fanned his face, the smell of your perfume and the hair product you had put in hours beforehand captivating him.

“i want all of that with you, too.” you smiled and he grinned back, a soft laugh leaving both of your lips. he reached up, his hand lifting your chin.

“you sure you want to be stuck with me?” he asked, “cause once i start, i don’t think i could stop.”

your nose brushed against his, “i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

that was all it took until his lips were pressing against yours. you kissed him back, the hand that wasn’t holding your jaw reaching to your hip and pulling you closer, leaving no room between you as you climbed into his lap.

your hands threaded through the curls on the nape of his neck, his arms wrapping around you. a moment of complete bliss, the moment you’ve been waiting for for what felt like ages.

“lets go to bed, yeah?”

you nodded back, nose bumping his as your face wore a smile. he stood from the couch, hands supporting your thighs before letting your legs wrap around his torso. he carried you down the hallway, your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

he placed you down on the mattress, the two of you entangling limbs underneath the sheets. he played with the soft strands of your hair, his lips pressing against the top of your head as you listened to his heart beat against his ribs. existing in complete contentment with each others company.

“breakfast in the morning?” he asked softly.

you thought about it for a minute, turning to look at him. it was dark, but you could still make out his face, “sure, just as long as you don’t burn the toast.”

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hello my good friend. It's been a while since I've requested but. Can I request kyojuru and mitsuri with female-child reader who likes fire, and likes to watch things burn up? They don't get burnt by it but if they do they won't cry. For kyojuru's part reader like to brush his hair with there smalls hands on tug at the bottom of his haori where the flames are. 🙏🏾💕

Hehe! Omg, this is so wholesome and cute and I can already see how both would behave! Let’s gooo! I’m totally doing this request and welcome back, darling! Also welcome back, Mitsuri

Rengoku Kyojuro

Kyojuro is naturally protective over younger ones so when he sees you, the little girl he rescued and adopted, sat in front of a stick fire. He sprints to pull you away from the flames and tell you lightly that fire is dangerous

Kyojuro is flattered with how much you like his hair. Yes, it does look like fire, doesn’t it? He will let you brush his hair all you want and the way you try pull the strands up so it will burn like real fire, has his heart exploding. You’re just so adorable with your fire fascination

Kyojuro cannot say no to you, like at all. Sure, he will take you away from fires you start and put you in front of controlled fires but that’s for protection. In every other sense, he can’t say no, so when you reach for the tips of his flame-like haori, he drapes it over you so you can play with it

“Look, Dokusha. See that fire there?” Kyojuro‘s comforting yet strong voice rolled out softly as he comfortably sat down on his knees, with you placed in his lap. His pointer directed your eager eyes to the roaring tall torch egging-on a big, beautiful orange-red-yellow mix palette flame burning with life. You immediately silenced yourself, the reflective light of the fire bouncing off your eyes as you glared in pure awe

Kyojuro didn’t want his precious adoptive daughter to be around uncontrolled and touchable fire so instead, he would set the Rengoku Family flame torches for you to gaze and admire the fire from a safe distance. You always have loved fire, ever since he met you and up to this very moment. You pulled at his fire-like coloured hair and played with the flame patterned haori draped carelessly over his shoulders

Kyojuro didn’t mind sitting in front of the torch with you, all to make you happy as he admired your gawking expression. You look simply so adorable in your nighttime Yukata and your pretty loose hair decorated by a single small ponytail. Kyojuro is over the phrase of ‘glad’ that you’re his precious baby girl, his one and only child. He will give you his flame-like haori to cuddle up in and a nice lap to fall asleep on

“What is your favourite colour of the fire, Dokusha?”

Kanroji Mitsuri

Mitsuri, as the older sister of five, knows to always be careful around danger and how to handle children with dangerous things so when you, her cute little adoptive daughter, is huddled over the Estate’s furnace fire to gawk at the colours and liveliness, she is bolting to make sure you won’t catch on fire

Mitsuri will try distract you with fire-looking items as to keep you away from real fire. The way you hawk at the red fade to yellow kimono she bought for you and play with the tips of the flame-shaped handkerchief she got made, her heart goes pitter-patter with joy

When push comes to shove, Mitsuri will let you sit by her as she sets up the Estate’s furnace fire and even let you put in wood for her to set ablaze. She won’t let you handle the lighter, all because she is protective over you and always strives to keep you safe

“Place the big log down in this spot, baby” Mitsuri chirped gently, carefully placing her hands on your little back as you lazily dump the big irritable log of wood onto the standing pile of charcoal, spreading a small gust of ash over the short metallic railing guarding the entrance to the fire’s shelter. The log was heavy and scratched at your chest, you stepped back until you bumped against Mitsuri’s torso. She took this opportunity to cuddle you closer to her as she picked up the lighter and flicked the nozzle to spark up a fire

In wonder and awe, you watched Mitsuri eventually set the big log on fire after a few attempts of hovering the dancing flame over the wood, placing down the lighter to the side and shuffling back on her knees with you firm in her grasp so the fire couldn’t touch any inch of you incase it roared to life. Her prediction was proven correct when the thick chunk of tree essence brought to life a raging fire that almost grazed over the brick roof of the furnace

Mitsuri leant her vision down to look at you after your amazed coos faded. You’re just so adorable, eyes reflecting the mixed fiery colours and in that moment, she knew she will never regret saving you from that Lower Moon and adopting you as her little one. Sure, you’re a bit reckless with fire but your excitement over it makes her heart roar in true passion. Comfortable in your comfy nighttime Yukata and cute small silky brushed braids, she planned to sit with you in front of the fire for hours. All because the colours made you so happy

“Do you feel the warmth, Dokusha? The fire is so nice”

[forever-rogue]

tasm!peter with a girlfriend who has the same abilities as him but he doesn’t know it until she does something that gives it away!!!

AN | Ooh, I love this idea 🥰

Pairing | TASM!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 3.1k

Masterlist | Main | Peter

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Peter had met you entirely by chance. He’d never believed in fate or things that weren’t able to be explained by quantifiable evidence. Despite the fact that he, you know, was bitten by a genetically modified spider that gave him superpowers. Even that he could chalk up to some level of science. 

But meeting you? Meeting you had been entirely by fate, a mixture of being in the right time and place. That place happened to be the small hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that was by his apartment. You’d been there, grabbing your paper to-go cup and turning around, only to be met with the hard wall of flesh and muscle. Luckily he’d been quick and agile enough to grab your coffee and keep it from falling or splashing either of you.

You looked up at him with big, wide eyes, a sheepish little smile on your face as any logical thought ran right out of your ear, “hi.”

“Hi,” he grinned back, a flush of pastel pink coloring his cheeks and ears, “I believe this is yours.”

“Thank you,” you gratefully took the morning pick me up and clutched it tightly in your hand, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you and wasn’t paying any attention. Glad one of us was.”

“‘s alright,” he promised, and you seemed to relax, “no harm no foul.”

“Yeah,” you agreed as you shuffled past him, shivers going down your spine as you brushed against him, “thanks again. Have a good day.”

“You too,” he held up his hand in a small little wave. But before you could actually leave, he gently grabbed your arm and stopped you, catching you both by surprise. He wasn’t normally so…forward, “what’s your name?”

Your smile grew even more breathtaking and Peter was sure he would pass out from the sheer magic of it. You whispered your name, just enough for him to hear; he liked it. It suited you perfectly. He couldn’t help but repeat back to you, testing it out on his tongue, “what’s yours, coffee boy?”

“Parker,” he stammered nervously, amazed by the effect you had on him. He groaned and shook his head lightly, “Peter. Peter Parker.”

“Well Peter Parker,” you offered him a dreamy little smile and his heart pitter-pattered in his chest, “it was nice to meet. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “see you around.”

You’d left with only a small wave and shy smile, disappearing into the crowd of people that had the same idea as both of you, needing a morning caffeine fix. Peter wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but it was a rush of emotion that he’d never experienced before.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Peter sat in bed and stared at the too bright screen of his phone. He was trying not to be a total creep, but he was feeling like…well - a total creep. Once he’d gotten home after a long day of work and his nighttime extracurriculars, Peter had hopped into bed and grabbed his phone, shamelessly searching your name on Instagram. Luckily for him, you weren’t hard to find. Unluckily for him, your account was private. All he had was your name, your handle, and a small picture of you standing in a flower field. Count none but the sunny hours your bio stated, along with simple sun and cloud emojis.

Oh yeah. Peter Parker liked you already. He spent the next thirty minutes in a vain attempt to try and find a public photo of you, but came up empty handed. He was both disappointed and relieved because he really needed to get himself in check. But…as he stared at your profile, looking at the big blue follow button, he debated with himself on whether or not to press it. Once you received the request would you even remember it was him? Would you be weirded out? Or even better, would you accept? Maybe you’d felt the same dizzying emotions he had upon your first encounter. Worse came to worst, you’d ignore the request and block him, and maybe even send him a scathing message telling him off. 

He had to know. 

He quickly pressed the follow button, watching as the request sent message popped up. Peter immediately closed the app and locked his phone, tossing it onto the other side of the bed. His stomach was in knots, and his mind was racing, but what was done was done. Now he had to wait.

But fortune seemed to favor the bold and Peter B. Parker that night. Because not even minutes after he’d sent his request, you’d not only accepted his request, but sent one in return to follow him. He didn’t even hesitate to accept. While he was contemplating between messaging you and looking at your photos, you sent him a message. It was so simple, so straightward, but so very bold of you: hello there coffee boy. Peter pumped his fist in the air as he quietly whooped at the sheer stroke of luck. Either you were extremely friendly with everyone or, and he hoped this was it, you actually liked him. He messaged back just as quickly, deciding not to bother around with any games: hello sunshine.

From there, the rest flowed as naturally as a wild river, blooming and blossoming like the most perfect of flowers. You’d wormed your way into Peter’s heart so quickly, so effortlessly, and made a home there that no one else could ever occupy. You were special; he knew that from the very start. Little did he know that he’d done the exact same to you. Peter was so much a part of your life that you couldn’t ever remember him not being there. It was like he had always just been your person, your Peter. 

That’s why it killed you inside to be keeping such a huge secret from him. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

To be fair - you didn’t even really understand the full extent of your secret. All you knew was that you’d been on a tour near Oscorp one fall afternoon and had gotten bit by something. You hadn’t even seen what it was, and the bite never became infected or raised or anything suspicious. You’d chalked it up to some weird little bug and never thought more about it. 

That was until you noticed the changes to your body. You’d never been particularly clumsy, but you were never as agile as you now were. And you were positive you’d never had that much strength and speed…and your senses were heightened, cuts and bruises healed way faster than they ever should have.

At first you were convinced that you were delusional; you’d lost your mind or were stuck in some kind of wild fever dream. But as time passed and life continued on normally sans your newfound…abilities, you realized that you were just as sane as you ever had been. But you’d never told anyone - after all, who were you supposed to tell that you were pretty sure you’d been bit by some kind of weird bug and you’d developed superhuman abilities? They’d have you committed before you could even finish explaining what was going on. 

So you kept it all tucked away and hidden, invisible to anyone but you. There were times when you’d almost given yourself up, but had managed to quickly explain away whatever odd thing had happened. But there would only be so many slip-ups before someone noticed that something was off. And you weren’t too keen on finding out exactly how other people would respond. 

But - that had left you wondering why you hadn’t heard Peter that fateful day when you’d met. Your hearing was extremely attuned, and you would have heard anyone else…but not him. It was odd, but you’d decided not to question it. 

You loved Peter Parker and that was all that mattered.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hi sweetheart,” Peter’s face lit up as he opened the door to his apartment to find you on the other side. You didn’t hesitate to press a kiss to his cheek as you wrapped your arms around him. He chuckled warmly as held you tightly, “good to see you too.”

“I missed you,” you murmured into the crook of his neck as he gently rubbed your back.

“You saw me yesterday,” the sentiment made his heart flutter as you flounced into the apartment and set your bag down. While your official relationship was still fairly new, it felt like you had been a fixture in his apartment and his life forever. You fit in so naturally, “can’t have missed me that much.”

“I always miss you when you’re not around Peter,” your eyes were wide and nervous, almost as though you weren’t sure if you’d crossed any boundaries with your little confession, “even if it’s only been a day.”

“Want to know a secret?” he asked softly as you nodded eagerly, “I miss you too when you’re not around.”

“Yeah?” and oh. How you melted under his expression, ochre eyes soft and glittering, looking at you as though you’d hung all the stars.

“Yeah,” he promised, his smile so saccharine and tender, “come on, wanna put on a movie while we figure out what to order for dinner?”

“Yes,” you nodded happily, “sounds perfect.”

Perfect. That’s how you would describe everything with Peter. It could be something as simple as a movie night with him and there was nothing you’d rather be doing. 

This particular night, however, was the first night you’d be spending together at his place. He’d stayed at yours a few nights, but these things were still new to both of you. You liked his place; it was a warm and inviting space and felt very on brand for Peter. 

At one point he’d excused himself to use the restroom, while you cleaned up the leftovers in the kitchen. You’d been sure that he’d come back out because you heard him clear as day, “am I being too pushy? Too much?”

“You aren’t at all Peter,” you found the fact that he still had moments of such shyness endearing. Turning around, you expected to find him standing there, but instead found nothing but the empty living room. Oh. He hadn’t been there at all. 

After a moment of hesitation, Peter ducked back into the hallway looking at you with confusion on his pretty features, “what did you say?”

“I-I said you aren’t being pushy,” you said nervously as his eyes widened, “y-you asked me?”

“I didn’t ask you,” he raised an eyebrow and your heart dropped into your stomach, “I was talking to myself. Whispering to myself.”

Your mind was reeling as you tried to figure out how you were possibly going to explain your exemplary hearing. You opened and closed your mouth a few times before shrugging lightly, “you must not have been as quiet as you thought, Pete. I dunno.”

“No,” he knew he hadn’t been that loud, “you have extremely good hearing.”

“I guess I do,” you tried to play him off, but you knew Peter better than that. He was a man of science and he wouldn’t let something like this go, “it’s really nothing.”

“Hmm,” he nodded, scratching at his chin thoughtfully, “if you insist, sweetheart.” 

“I do, Pete,” you teased, walking over to him and tenderly touching his face. Even up close, he was so ridiculously pretty, “it’s not like I’ve got some great secret to hide!”

If you only knew the truth.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was a cool fall afternoon that found the two of you at your apartment, baking lots of different kinds of cookies. It was a cozy day, filled with music from the record player flooding into the room and all sorts of delicious smells. The two of you flitted around each other, almost like dancing, in perfect sync. 

It was all going well until you managed to slice the palm of your hand. You hissed as you dropped the knife and watched the blood flow freely from the cut and onto the counter. 

“Shit,” your lips trembled with effort to keep from crying at the stinging pain. Peter was at your side in a moment, looking concerned at sight. You looked up at him with glistening eyes, trying not to panic.

“Oh baby,” he wrapped his fingers around your wrist and looked at the cut with a grimace, “it’ll be okay, sweetheart. Let me take care of it.”

“Okay,” you sniffled but he managed to remain calm and collected as he turned on the tap and ran it with cool water. He gingerly took your hand and ran it under the water, to lessen the flow of the blood and get everything cleaned up, “i-is it bad?”

“It’s pretty deep,” he confirmed, already making a plan in his mind to either take care of it himself, or take you to urgent care to get it stitched up, “I think you’re going to need stitches.”

“N-no,” you tried to pull your hand out of his grasp, but he was stronger, “it’ll be fine, Peter. I’ll just get it wrapped and it’ll heal.”

“I don’t think it’s going to heal properly without-”

“It’ll heal,” you insisted sharply, not meaning it to sound as harsh as it did, “I-I heal quickly.” 

“But-”

“Peter,” you grabbed a clean cloth wrapped around your palm, “I swear. I know my body.”

He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, regarding you with a curious air. Ever since the bathroom accident, he’d become more hyper-aware of all the little things about you that were…different. Obviously, he was aware, very aware, of his own powers and abilities and if he didn’t know any better, you were in a similar boat. 

“I’ll tell you why I get so many random bruises and cuts,” he spoke softly after a few beats of silence had passed, “if you tell me what’s up with you. The hearing, the speed-healing…all of it.”

“Peter,” his name was a soft sigh off your lips. The offer alone was tempting because you really were curious to know what happened to him when he showed up with mysterious cuts and bruises. It broke your heart to see him whenever he had some sort of injury, but they always seemed to go away without any sort of permanence. 

“You can tell me anything, sweetheart. You know that,” he reached over and touched your face, brushing his thumb over your cheek. 

“I know,” you nodded softly, “I want to tell you…really, I do. I just don’t want you…you’re going to think I sound crazy. I mean, it still sounds crazy to me.”

“I’ve dealt with plenty of crazy,” he smiled softly, “I doubt anything you could say or do would fall into the realm of crazy. Try me, sweetheart.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “but don’t laugh o-or whatever, promise?”

“I promise,” he agreed, crossing his fingers over his heart.

“Alright,” you swallowed thickly, “a while back I was…I don’t know….I guess bitten by something. It was just a small, you know, bite, but it never got infected or anything weird. So you know, I didn’t think anything of it. But then…these changes started to happen and I thought for sure I was losing my mind or whatever. But nothing ever…happened, nothing weird. But the weird things it did to me stayed. Like the hearing, and my vision got really good, better reflexes and the super fast healing too. That’s why I’m not worried about the cut - it’ll be helped soon.”

“Hmm,” he seemed so calm and relaxed that it caught you off guard. Why wasn’t he panicking? He studied intently but said nothing, only trailing his fingers gently down your arm.

“Y-you’re not…freaking out?”

“No,” he shook his head, his pretty eyes glinting in the soft light, “where were you when you were…bitten?”

“Umm,” you waved your hand around softly, “somewhere near Oscorp. I don’t remember exactly.”

“Do you know what it was?”

“No, I never saw it,” you confessed, “I just sort of assumed it was a weird bug.”

“Are you ready to hear my secret?” he asked softly and your eyes widened in curiosity as you nodded, “I’m Spider-Man.”

As soon as you heard the words, your mouth opened in surprise but he just remained there calmly. When he didn’t say anything you started to laugh; he had to be kidding, right? He had to be. But he wasn’t laughing - he just remained serious. 

“Peter,” you shook your head in amusement, “Spider-Man? Really? Y-you’re joking! Right?”

“Nope,” the corner of his mouth ticked up in a small smile, “I mean it.”

“I-is that why…all the bruises and everything?” your disbelief turned to worry as you thought about all the terrible things that could happen to him, “oh Peter.”

“Relax, sweetheart,” his hand went to your neck as he gently stroked his thumb over your soft skin, “I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’m Spider-Man, nothing’s gonna get me. Do you want to hear my theory on what happened to you?”

“Yes.”

“I think we might have been visited by a similar…friendly spider,” he raised an eyebrow at the surprised look on your face, “I was bitten by a spider at Oscorp. They had some…to put it simply, radioactive spiders. I wasn’t born with these abilities, and apparently neither were you.”

“No,” you couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. This didn’t happen to normal people - this stuff didn’t really happen period. And yet, here the two of you were, “holy fuck, Peter.”

“Yeah,” he shook his own head in amusement, “who would have thought, huh? I knew you were special - well, even before now. I…I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Peter,” you beamed at him, “hey - if you’re Spider-Man, does that make me…Spider-Girl? Spider-Woman? Wait, I don’t want to be a vigilante superhero…well, maybe? If you need a sidekick? What if-”

But he cut you off by pressing his lips to yours and kissing you softly and sweetly, leaving you breathless as he had a tendency to. When you pulled back, he smiled at you, and touched your cheek, “I love you, Spider-Girl.”

“I love you, Spider-Man,” you stole another few kisses from him, which left him practically melting into your touch. 

“Have you ever tried wall climbing?” 

“No…”

“Well, you’re in for a treat!”

[bullet-prooflove]

Hi. It’s me and I have an ask for Stuart Scola. The prompt is: 72. Gun blast, think fast, I think I’m hit. Thank you so much.

You don’t panic in the field, you never have. Whenever your end up in a tough spot your training kicks in, takes over and you get this eerie sense of calm, one that you can’t explain to anyone else. It’s served you well over the years, saved your life countless times, helped you catch the bad guy.

However, all of that goes out of the window the instant you see Stuart go down. The gunshot rings in your ears and you can taste cordite on your tongue as he hits the deck.  You don’t even realise your in motion until your dropping to your knees alongside of him, your trembling hands scrambling over the vest. His eyes are wild, roving as he gasps for breath. The heat of the bullet graces your fingertips, and you tug at the vest, stretching the material around it, ensuring the Kevlar held.

“Baby,” You murmur, your hand cupping Stuart’s cheek as you guide his gaze to meet yours. “Baby it’s ok. The vest caught it. You need to just breathe.”

***

It’s later that night that he wakes up and finds you missing from the bed, his palm smooths across the sheets to find them still warm with the remnants of your body heat. He finds you in the living room, standing by the window, watching the rain as it patters against the window outside. There’s a mug of tea clasped to your chest.

Nighttime tea, he can tell from the scent of lavender.

“Can’t sleep?” He murmurs as he wraps his arms around you, his bare chest coming to rest against your back.

“Bad dreams.” You say quietly as his lips chase over the scar that’s etched across the curve of your shoulder.

“The shooting?” He asks you and you sigh as you lean back against him, your gaze still on the droplets as they cascade down the glass.

You turn around to face him and you have that look in your eyes, that sadness and all he wants to do is take that pain away.

“Sasha.” He murmurs, his hands cupping features, his thumbs soothing along the line of your jaw. “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to wait any longer.” You tell him as your gaze meet his. “I want to marry you.”

“I want to marry you too,” He smiles, his lips brushing over yours.

The two of you were talking about setting a date in the autumn. You love the fall, the colours, the temperature, the beauty of the season. He’s been researching venues because neither of you want to get married in a church, and he’s not sure about a hotel. He has a friend at the botanical gardens with an in, but he has yet to broach the topic with you.

“I mean right now.” You say softly. “I want to get married today.”

@trublu2u @greenies-green @burningpeachpuppy @upsteadlogic @malindacath @yezzyyae @noxytopy

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 🔞

deception- /dɪˈsɛpʃn/ -noun; the action of deceiving someone.

Tags/Warnings: Prince!Cursed!Jungkook, Dragonkin!Reader, mentions of poor living conditions (reader is chained up in a basement smh), magic and other fantasy elements, Angst, tragic lovers au?, strangers to lovers question mark???, did I mention angst, fluff?, it's somewhere I promise, open ending- I might write more dunno yet

Story length: 5k

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

It's quiet underneath the castle tonight.

No one is probably yet awake- moonlight still brightly shining through the tiny window at the very top corner of your cell, signaling it's still nighttime. There's occasional cats passing by, or mice sneaking in to capture any crumbs you may have left behind of the dry bread they give you to eat- but except this, there's nothing but silence.

It's nothing like the woods you've lived in before, close to the seaside.

There, the waves would've sang you a song to help you sleep, the trees swaying alongside the melody as if to rock you like a mother would her child, side to side, slowly, gently. In here, there's no soft foliage underneath you, no warm pelts that make up your nest. There's nothing but a bit of hay- but not even nearly enough to give you the opportunity to nest at all. It's damp, starting to mold, itching your skin to the point of you rather sleeping on the cold hard floor instead.

Suddenly, there's drops hitting the ground outside.

You turn around to look up at the window properly, before you stand up, shackles clattering loudly as the metal chains drag on the floor. Your hands on the brick wall, you turn up your head to at least try and smell the fresh air the storm seems to bring. And as if mother nature takes pity on you, the wind starts to shift, blowing the cool rain into the cell where you let it patter on your skin and face with a smile.

You don't care that the water runs into your cell now, flowing down the very brick wall you've got your hands placed against. There's no worse for your situation anyways- though one might argue that it could be a lot more evil.

At least they feed you.

Kind of.

For now, you lay down on the bits of hay you've collected to sleep on, sound of the rain helping you fall asleep.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Jungkook, take it slow, will you." the King sighs, watching as the young prince eagerly swings his wooden sword against the one of a young soldier and dear friend. And while the prince won't listen, Namjoon looses his attention at the sound of the king approaching, becoming an easy target for the younger prince who groans out in a dramatic manner.

"Father, please stop this." he sighs, putting the sword away before wiping his sweat. "Me laying down and doing nothing won't do much except kill me faster by boredom." he tells his father, who scoffs.

"I don't like the way you talk about this." the old man argues, making his son only roll his eyes.

"And I don't like you treating me as if I'm incapable of knowing my body and limits." he says. "I will rest if I need to." he finishes, turning his back to the king who can only click his tongue, before leaving his son alone.

"Your father is right." Namjoon says. "You know, at least until we figured out how to get the wish, you should take it easy-"

"That's all I'm doing!" Jungkook says, throwing up his arms in defeat. "I've been doing nothing but take it easy." he mumbles more or less to himself, shaking his head. "I'm tired of it." he tells his friend, before he walks out the training grounds, and back into the castle. On his way, he walls past the guarded stairway leading down into the basement cells- and curiosity grips him by the hand at the sight of it.

There's no guards around right now. Typically, the doorway that leads into the basement dungeons stays heavily guarded, not ever giving him proper opportunity to step down there and see what's kept hidden inside for himself. His father constantly lectures him about it, tells him that he will have to deal with prisoners soon enough once he's crowned, but Jungkook doesn't want to wait. He doesn't want to be slapped harshly by the responsibilities from one day to the other- he wants to know while he's still got the time to familiarize himself with everything slowly.

So he walks down carefully, aware that nowadays, his balance is sometimes thrown off randomly- one of many health effects the curse has on him.

No one knows exactly what had happened in the past of his family to curse him as the only son of his father and therefore heir of the throne to be cursed this badly. It's a dragon's curse, powerful and without any empathy for it's victim. It's slowly killing him, black marks and swirling lines underneath his skin pulsing in anger about something he doesn't know. He won't ever lie- he doesn't trust his father whenever the man says that dragons have just cursed him out of pure spite and boredom for inheriting the land they once owned. Jungkook doesn't know dragons too well, but he's read about them. He knows the tales. He doesn't think that creatures as old as them would just become petty centuries after the war had been ended peacefully.

But at this stage, with the illness progressing like it does, it won't be enough time for him to ever find out the truth it seems.

There's not many prisoners down here- most are in the corners of their cells, keeping to themselves without sparing the prince any interest. What grips his own however, is the heavy metal cage at the end of the hall, iron bars decorated with runes he knows are witchcraft used to hold powerful beings- with a lump of clothes inside, along with hay and nothing else.

He walks closer, placing his burning torch into the holder at the wall, before he stands in front of the cold metal bars. It's when you begin to move, slowly turning to look at him, that he realizes who you are.

What you are.

"..you are the dragon?" he wonders mostly to himself, barely raising his voice anything above a whisper. He'd certainly expected anything but this; a young, almost fragile looking thing, with eyes so tired and longing. His father had told him a few weeks ago that he'd acquired a dragon in hopes to have it cure him- but other than that, Jungkook had never been told what that would entail for you, what it would take to make you help him. He squats down in front of the bars to instinctively appear smaller and less threatening- his mind unable to quite believe that you're supposedly one of the rare beasts roaming the skies and filling the kid's nightmares with horror.

That you're the same kind that had cursed him for simply existing.

You don't answer him- though you do sit up to face him, curiosity caught at the sight of him. He definitely looks nicer than you'd thought, and yet, the clear marks on his neck and hand speak clearly to you about his fate. It's not a dragon's curse at all, but who would ever believe you? You'd told the king time and time again that your death would do nothing- but there was no talking him out of his ambitions, you've come to realize.

There was no use in fighting.

Jungkook however is now just confused. You're clearly suffering, in bad physical state, and all you had to do is grant a wish. His father had told him about this- that a dragon could grant a wish to anyone once in their lifetime, which was one reason they were hunted years back. People didn't know that the wish couldn't be forced out of someone- it had to be granted in pure willingness. So why was his father putting you in a cage down here, like a prisoner of war, when this very much wouldn't help his need for a wish at all?

"Why won't you grant the wish? You'll be free afterwards." The prince urges, but you shake your head.

"I can't." you say, almost inaudible. "If I could, I would've done it already." you croak out, voice a bit raspy from lack of use- and recent fight with a guard that had been sent to 'make you understand the urgency of the matter', as the king had told.

"what do you mean?" Jungkook asks, before you're both interrupted by your stomach. "did they not feed you yet? My father said they provided you with food..-" he talks more or less to himself, before a guard steps in.

"Your- highness! The king is looking for you." the Guard says.

"Has she not been fed today?" he wants to know instead, standing up to his full height while the guard seems surprised at the question.

"only every second day. We've been told to make her more easy to handle on days where she doesn't receive her ration, your highness." the older man admits, and Jungkook looks back at you, with a look you can only describe as guilty.

Though you're unsure why.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You're not sure why he, as a prince of royal heritage, chooses to eat his dinner with you instead, on dirty concrete of all things.

It's stuffy in here, dark and cold, and yet he seems to be fine with it, constantly urging you to eat what he'd brought you. Was this a new plan created to garner your wish? You're unsure of it, last experiences having made you suspicious of any kind gestures given towards you. There's always an ulterior motive, a goal, no smile without calculation.

At least not inside these walls.

"I can't grant your wish." You say because of that, putting the bread down onto the floor- something Jungkook stares at, for a moment, before he looks back at your face thats turned downwards in a submissive manner. He doesn't know why you're not at all the proud being he's read about in books and teachings.

"Why not? Did you already grant one?" He wonders, but you shake your head.

"What did they tell you about the wish, prince?" You ask him, and he cringes a bit at the title, before he adjusts his pose, leaning back a bit on his hands.

His sleeves are rolled up, showing the extend of the damage his curse has been taking the past few weeks. No one knows if anything he does makes it worse or eases it. It's simply moody it seems, sometimes not spreading for days before it takes over him in waves, making him curl into himself in pain. There's nothing that helps the symptoms, every day a gamble, but Jungkook had been living with this ever since he was born. So to him, it was almost normal.

"That you can only grant a wish once, and that you have to do it willingly." He explains. "You cannot wish for the dead to be revived or to gain eternal life. Thats.. what's been written in the books." The prince says. You sigh.

"The wish isn't a thing." You reveal, making his blood run cold. "It never was. It's a legend, but it doesn't exist." You say, shivering a bit from the cold floor underneath you, small gravel digging into your naked thighs. The dress you wear isn't exactly made for a long stay at an underground prison.

"What- but.." He furrows his brows. "That would mean all of the wars, they've been-"

"For nothing." You say, eyes focused on his. "Without any reason." You tell him. "And your curse? My kind does not possess magic. We cannot curse or heal. Our blood doesn't cure disease, and our horns do not make the blind see again." Your voice wavers, becomes frantic in your emotions bubbling over as your eyes fill with tears. "Our scales don't offer eternal youth. Our liver doesn't make a man stronger than an army. Our eggs only contain our children, never the wealth you all believe it does." You tell him, drops of silver running from your eyes. "You've been killing my kind for centuries, making up stories to justify your murder just to feel better about yourself." You get up, standing in front of the wide eyed prince, his skin pale as he watches you. "Your curse has been given by the blood your father spilled for nothing more than the need for power. And I'm deeply sorry that an innocent man such as you who's never fought a war once in his life has to suffer the consequences." Jungkook gets up as well now, slower, but still with a look of pure shock on his face as he watches you talk. "But if mother earth has decided that you're the price to pay, then there's nothing anyone can do about it." You finish, before walking to the very corner, in the darkest place of your cell, leaving the young prince by himself to stare at nothing in particular.

He doesn't want to believe it.

But why would you lie?

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"And this is all you could find?" Jungkook wonders, looking at his friend and partner in crime, who looks around anxously before he answers.

"I didn't have much more time, but yes. This was all he had laying around that I thought would be of interest for you." Taehyung tells him, before he looks a bit more gentle. "Jungkook.. no matter what's in these pages, I want you to know-" He urges, putting his hands on the shoulders of his friend. "-you'll always stay the Jungkook I know today." The young man promises. "I consider you my brother, even if we're not from the same womb."

"I know." Jungkook nods. "And I look at you the same, friend." He offers, before he looks around. "Now go, before they behead you for your actions. We'll meet again, I promise." He says, well aware that if Taeyhung was to ever be found again, it could end in his execution for the act of stealing property of the king. Even if it was on Jungkook's word, it still was a crime he's committed. So the least the prince could do is to give him a fresh start far away from the kingdom- wherever the horse pulling the carriage might take the young worker's son.

Back in his own chambers, he reads with the help of a candle, entire world-view turned upside down as he reads about all of the things his father had done to try and lift the curse the man is well aware of from his son. He never speaks of murder like you'd said- but it's still evident from his writing that he's been using parts of dragons and even sirens to order witches for spells and rituals that might help his prince to gain back his health.

All for nothing, as he now knows.

But there's something else that stands out to him- letters written in ink and careful writing, but in a language he himself doesn't know. It's clear that his father must've had a connection to someone of non-human descent- every letter feeling warm to the touch, as if given to him with magic instead of conventional doves used by his kingdom.

Jungkook doesn't know what exactly he hopes for- but he can't think of anything else.

"I need your help." He says, quietly, making you turn around in the dim orange glow of his lantern. You can see that the curse has been spreading again, reaching the very tip of his earlobe on one side, silver jewelry hanging from his ear standing in great contrast to the deep black marks. He doesn't have much time left before the curse will take his senses, leaving him with no option but to hide in the castle and live with assistance.

You pity him. He's just a victim in this play, after all.

"What do you need me for?" You ask, unsure, when he holds three folded letters between the bars towards you.

"I was wondering if you might be able to read this- or at least tell me what language has been used." The prince asks, more calm now- but you can feel a fire burning inside his chest, an anger that feels more like betrayal than pure aggression over his situation, and you can only assume that he's learned of the past actions of his father and king. So you nod, standing up a little weak today, something Jungkook notices quite quickly- but for now, he can't do much to help.

You open the letter, gaze running over the words- one writing better than the other you notice, proving to you that while one was simply reciting what they've learned, using their memory of recently imprinted words and writings, the other person was native, well aware and confident in writing. The only thing interesting to you being however, that you can read it. "It's dragon's tongue." You softly say to the son of the king still standing close, holding his source of light close enough for you to comfortably read. "Prince Ju-"

"Just Jungkook. I'm in no way entitled to formality considering what my family has done to your kind." Jungkook offers weakly, and you nod.

"..Jungkook then." You nod, before looking at the letter again. "These are.. love letters."

"What?" He asks, confused. "Why would my father keep love letters of dragonkin?"

"Because he's the one who's sent one of them." You reveal to the prince, who's eyes widen. "It's.. I don't know why this one was kept- it seems like it has never been sent. But the name she writes to is your father's." You explain.

"Is- what.. what does it say?" He asks, voice quiet and unsure. "I- I don't need every word, just.."

"I.. Am unsure how to properly explain this. But this line right here?" You say, moving your finger over a line of text written delicately. "It reads as 'Please do raise mine as your own, as I cannot keep him in a place war has torn.'." You tell him. "Jungkook.. she's talking about you."

"She can't be." He says, shaking his head, before starting to pace around, dark marks of his curse pulsating angrily. "It doesn't say my name now, does it? It's not me."

"It does." You say. "In the letter.. that's not been sent." You offer, not looking at the prince in distress.

Jungkook shakes his head however, biting his lip bloody, before he runs an angry hand through his hair, taking the letters from you and being unaware of the paper cutting your hand a little as he leaves in pure confusion.

His entire life until now has been nothing but a lie.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"You didn't just lie to me, but your whole Kingdom." Jungkook accuses, slapping books in front of his father onto his desk, ink from the man's pen splattering over the documents as the tip of the feather is bent and broken- equally as violent as the trust of his son. "You know exactly why this has been happening to me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." The man he once knew as his father says, eyes hard as he stares at his son. "Do not talk with a tongue like this."

"The tongue of a dragon?" He grits out, laughing without any humor as he breathes heavily. The king's eyes widen, body loosing any tension as he realizes what his son had placed onto the desk.

It's diaries. Notebooks. All of himself. Letters, kept in between the pages, sent between him and the women he used to love.

"It's-" He starts, but Jungkook shakes his head.

"I do not have to listen to a man who does not share the same blood as me." Jungkook barks. "Who's my father? Did you murder him too for his parts, or just for pure sport?" He demands to know, and in the second the prince slams his hands onto the desk of the king, he's back again twenty-five years.

The king remembers Jungkook's father- he'd had the exact same fire in his eyes when he'd confronted him about the fate of his son. As a half blood, with partial identity of the dragons but also the kingdom of men, the king had used this to his own advantage, spite over the relationship his secret lover had held with the man in front of him fueling dark thoughts and desires. Jungkook's father had been protective as a father should always be- not ever letting his son be harmed, not even when just still growing in the safety of the womb. So he had to.

"I had to." The king offers. "He would not understand the situation, and tried to keep you away from me." He tries to explain.

"As he should have." Jungkook barks back. "He was my father- what right did you think you had to take me from him? From my mother as well?!"

"Your mother and I weren't supposed to ever become what we did." The king tries to justify. "She couldn't leave your father, but neither did she want to stay."

"So you decided to kill the only person between you and her- how noble of you." The prince- or former prince- chuckles darkly. "So I was just a biproduct? Simple collateral damage?"

"No. You have the blood of men running in your veins. You're not a dragonkin." The king tells him. "I have raised you-"

"Even though you had. No. Right." Jungkook grits out.

"There is no going back for you now." The man in front of him says calmly. "There is nowhere for you to go but here."

"You do not have the power over me a father might have." The former prince says, calmly backing away from the table, before he rips the gold ornament of his family's crest from around his neck- throwing it onto the table with a cold stare. "In fact, you never did. You just made me believe that. And I will not play by your rules any longer." He says. "Nothing binds me to you, or this kingdom."

"So where will you go?" The king demands to know.

"Somewhere this curse can take me away from this earth in piece and quiet." Jungkook says quietly. "Someplace I can die with the knowledge that I'm not living in a sick dream created by a man blinded by lust."

"I assume you will take the dragonkin as well." His former father figure says. "She sure has twisted your mind. Almost amusing of you to say I was blinded by lust when you're doing just the same."

"I am not." Jungkook says, walking towards the door. "I am not taking her with me."

"So you'll just set her free? She has nowhere to go either." The man behind the desk barks. "Her land is nothing but ashes."

Opening the door, Jungkook doesn't turn around as he speaks. "She still deserves freedom." he says, quietly. "She deserves to live."

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Someone gently shakes your shoulder, carefully waking you from your nap on the cold floor in the cell. One look up, and you see the prince again- his face tired, but holding a comforting smile. "Here." He offers, helping you sit up. "It's cold outside. I think this will fit you." He explains.

You take the coat and tilt your head in confusion. "What for?"

"You'll have to travel with me for a bit, just until we're out the border. But after that, you're free to go wherever." He tells you.

"I'm-… just like that?" You wonder, and he nods. "What about you?"

"I don't know yet." He shrugs. "But I can't stay here anymore. Not after.. I just can't stay near him any longer." He sighs, standing up. "Come. I've packed everything already, the only thing missing is you." He charmingly states, holding the cell door open.

You walk out, shackles being undone by a prison guard, before you're free to walk outside, sun blinding you for a good moment before Jungkook helps you onto the carriage where a large horse already in front of it, ready to pull. "Is it winter?" You wonder, as Jungkook climbs up on the other side of the front, nodding towards a guard close by you assume is his friend- before he pulls the reigns, steering the horse towards the main gate of the castle grounds.

"Not quite. But soon." He tells you, calm quietness falling over the both of you, your eyes taking in all the pretty forest and scenery you've not been able to look at for months now. You can't imagine the emotions running through the former prince now- his entire identity a complete lie. Nothing he ever thought he knew was true, his trust in the kingdom entirely broken down to nothing but dust.

"Are you doing this to redeem yourself?" You wonder out loud, not shy or worried he might change his mind and throw you back into the undergrounds of the castle. He's chosen to let you out- and you know the wilds better than he does. You'll survive on your own. Not easily, but you'll manage.

"No." He shakes his head. "There's nothing I could ever do that would make the crimes on your kind disappear, or able to be forgiven." The former prince sighs, puffs of air escaping his lips since his breath is warmer than the cold air outside. "I can comfort myself in hiding behind not knowing what really happened up until now. That's all I have."

"It's enough." You shrug. "You're not the man that led the war. You're-.. a victim just as much as I am, down the line." You tell him, pulling your legs up to snuggle into the way too big coat he got you. It's warm fabric, pelt keeping your body heat safe from the worsening winds picking up the further you go out the forests surrounding the kingdom.

"I guess." He mumbles. "I'm still just a bastard though, with nowhere to go." He more or less says to himself, while you watch him.

Again, you can't imagine what he must go through. At least you can say that you've experienced proper upbringing, a childhood, parents and the feelings of family and belonging. But for him, everything he'd thought was real turned out to be nothing but lies, and it hurts you to imagine that. He's never done wrong from what you can tell. Just like you said; he's a victim, not a criminal. His hands aren't drenched in blood.

If anything, he's the only one who's shown you empathy, who's tried to right the wrongs done by people around him even though he doesn't have to. And with that, you watch him a little more closely as you reach the kingdom's borders.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Are you warm enough?" He asks you in the back of the cart, making you move around and peek through the coverings of the cart that shield the insides from the cold nighttime air- and you nod. "Good."

"Will you rest soon as well?" You wonder, and he just shrugs, not offering a verbal reply while keeping his gaze on the road ahead. There's nothing in front of you it seems, faint lights of small towns nearby illuminating the far away places you pass by- but other than that, you're alone. "You can't keep going forever. I will feel useless."

"Don't worry, I won't think of you that way." He laughs, glad your attitude has slowly softened and relaxed around him. You're warming up to him, and he can't say he doesn't like it- after all, a companion is what he'd need most in his situation. But he won't ask you to stay, the question itself feeling almost criminal in his mind already, speaking it out loud would surely not be wise.

You huff in playful annoyance, disappearing inside the carriage before you reappear wrapped in a thick blanket, sitting next to him. "Why are you out now as well?" He chuckles, amused by your antics.

"To offer company. Do you not want it?" You ask, looking up at him with your slightly reflective eyes. You spot the same slight shine in his own eyes, reminding you that you're both not the same, but similar at the same time. He might not be a full-blooded dragon, but there's still a heart of one beating in his chest. You blame that exact fact for making you feel so attached to him already- feeling as if you don't want to leave him any longer. He's comfortable, he's nice, and caring, and gentle, and everything one might look for in a mate.

"Oh, I enjoy your company very much, don't you worry." He laughs again, though he yawns. "It might help keep me awake."

"Please rest." You ask of him, and he stutters a bit in his motion, before sighing in defeat.

"Just because I do not want to cause an accident and hurt you." He shakes his head, steering the horse into a space he deems hidden enough to set up camp for the night.

He probably isn't aware of the impact of his words.

You watch as he binds the horse to a nearby tree, his hand almost completely consumed by the black curse at this point as he pets the gentle creature for a goodnight. He climbs back into the carriage where you wait for him, already hiding underneath the blankets he'd brought along for both you and him alike, his gaze only resting on you for a second, not longer. "I can sleep outside as well. I understand if you don't trust me."

"I would've pushed you off the cart already if I wanted to." You answer him, and he chuckles, shaking his head.

"Considering my condition, you very much could've." He says, burying himself under the blankets as well next to you.

You look at the back of his head in front of you. "You'll be cured." You whisper out, and he shrugs again.

"Even if I won't, it's alright." He says. "I understand that it's not a curse, but simply.. I don't know."

"You don't deserve it, and I won't accept you saying that you do." You stubbornly reply. "We'll find a solution."

"It's alright." He just says, before he feels your finger drawing shapes on his back. "What are you doing?" He wonders, but you don't answer for a moment, before finishing what you're apparently writing.

"I've written my promise onto you." You quietly tell him.

"Promise?" He asks, unsure what you mean.

"My promise to stay with you till the end." You say, turning around so your back faces his. "No matter how soon that might be."

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[andicareaboutyou]

14/30/88 for the silvacre fluff prompt? 💕🌸

Thank you @missmilla! I started writing for all three prompts and will post them over time. Here you go with a quick one for #30. This was fun to write.

>>

Vigil had changed Amy. Kirsten could feel it in the way Amy included her in plans, a clear sign of Amy’s growing comfort with their relationship. Kirsten could hear it in the softness of Amy’s voice when she spoke of her dreams and concerns, now more trusting and open. She could see it when Amy courageously struggled to find words for her feelings, using her hands to draw patterns into the air, fascinatingly expressive. She could feel it in the steady, reassuring touch of her hand during their occasional evening walks.

But Kirsten could also sense it in the way Amy held her just a bit tighter every time they went different ways in their cars. She could hear the concern in Amy’s voice when she finally got hold of Kirsten after a missed call. She could feel it in the way Amy wrapped her arms around her before falling asleep, possessive and protective at once. And Kirsten could see it time and again in the middle of the night, when she padded back into the bedroom and found Amy with eyes wide open and knees to her chest.

“What’s wrong, Amy?” Kirsten asked the first time it happened, with a voice that had nighttime written all over it, but a mind highly alert.

But Amy didn’t know how to explain, and she was only able to relax with Kirsten snuggled back in bed with her, her gentle touch calming Amy’s racing heart.

It took Amy time to find the words, and Kirsten was patient, both women having learned from previous mistakes and trying to do right by each other. And when Amy finally did share – another night, another eyes-wide open fearful moment – “I … I’m scared. Really scared. That one day you’ll walk out the door and never come back”, Kirsten just held her, placing soft kisses in her hair, and repeating over and over again, “I will always come back to you.” And Amy allowed herself to cry curled up in Kirsten’s embrace.

When Amy woke up alone the following morning, her heart thrummed in her throat and her eyes went wide with a familiar fear. But from the corner of her eye, she saw a colorful piece of paper on Kirsten’s pillow. Come down for coffee it said in Kirsten’s familiar handwriting with a small heart in the corner.

Amy smiled at the piece of paper and felt her pulse calm. She could also smell the coffee in the making and the faint shuffle of activity in the kitchen, familiar sounds her fear had tuned out. Exhaling a deep sigh of relief, she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She grabbed her glasses and put the piece of paper into her night drawer, not without another glance at the heart and another smile at the thoughtful action.

When Amy pattered down the stairs, she could see Kirsten fiddling in the kitchen, busily preparing breakfast for the two of them. Her sleepy greeting earned her an amused smile over Kirsten’s shoulder and for a moment Amy just stood by the counter watching Kirsten’s hands in motion.

When they paused in their movement, Amy felt Kirsten’s eyes on her, inquisitive and kind. “Thanks,” was all she needed to say for Kirsten’s eyes to light up and for her to lean in for a kiss.

“Anytime,” Kirsten responded with a light nose nuzzle before bringing her attention back to the cutting board. “Now, are you ready for breakfast?”

Over the course of a few weeks, Amy found notes like these anytime Kirsten had to disappear without a chance of letting Amy know. In the evenings, when Amy came home to a quiet house, there would be a colourful piece of paper on the fridge with Kirsten’s whereabouts. When at work, it would sometimes be a text or a post it on her monitor with a location and an ETA of her return. In the mornings, it would be a piece of paper Amy got to neatly tuck to the collection in her drawer.

The nights, though, worried Kirsten most of all. Amy’s anxiety was most apparent then. It didn’t happen often that Kirsten needed to get up in the middle of the night, but when it did, she would inevitably find Amy wide awake upon her return, no matter how deeply asleep she had been just a few minutes before. Kirsten started to take precautions – she wouldn’t head into the kitchen anymore to get a glass of water when she woke up thirsty at night. Instead, she decided to keep a glass standing next to the bed – a simple solution to a recurring problem.

But she couldn’t do much about nature’s call, and so Kirsten was apprehensive the first night she left a note on her pillow that simply said bathroom with a smiley face, hoping Amy would see it in the dark if she woke up, which Kirsten knew was almost inevitable at this point.

And that night Amy did wake up. She couldn’t tell if it was a sound Kirsten had made, or the movement of the mattress, or the empty spot next to her, but Amy woke up, like she always did. This time, though, she saw the note on the pillow before panic set in. At first she looked at it in sleepy confusion, and then a smile spread on her face, recognizing the gesture.

That was the moment Kirsten stepped back into the room and paused at the door, seeing Amy awake in the faint moonlight, but with a smile instead of a fearful expression. “Ah. That’s better,” she hummed as she crawled next to her and placed a gentle kiss on Amy’s forehead before both of them fell back asleep.

The new habit continued, and with a growing pile of notes in her bedside drawer, Amy noticed how her fear seemed to subside a little more with every passing day. It was funny, it was cute, it was reassuring, and Amy loved Kirsten a little more with every note.

But she also started to worry that this might spin out of control. Kirsten was a fiercely independent woman and having to report on her every leave and absence might be part of the job, but certainly not her personal life, and navigating the delicate balance of their professional and personal relationship was challenging enough without Amy’s OCD. So she worried that carrying her fears into their relationship might drive Kirsten mad at some point.

She was still wondering how to bring this up a few days later, when Kirsten woke her at the crack of dawn with butterfly kisses all over her face. Still half-asleep Amy yawned and tried to shield her tired self from Kirsten’s annoying and yet adorable morning energy. “What’s going on? It’s not my birthday, is it?”

Kirsten seated herself cross-legged next to Amy, smiling down at her and her fingers playing with the seam of Amy’s shirt. “No, no it’s not your birthday, but I do think we can celebrate.”

“What do you mean?” It was too early for Amy to follow Kirsten’s train of thought. “If you don’t have a coffee by your side to help my braincells function, you better explain.”

Kirsten held up five colorful pieces of paper and explained how Amy didn’t wake up on five consecutive occasions over the past two weeks. Kirsten smiled at her with so much affection, that Amy couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth and appreciation wash over her, and all – she glanced at the clock – before 5:30 in the morning.

“Do you know what this means?” Kirsten asked her expectantly.

“That you have ants in your pants and can’t sleep through the night?” Amy raised her eyebrow.

Kirsten punched Amy’s shoulder with her first, eliciting a pained “Ouch” and laughter from Amy, before exclaiming with a bright smile, “It’s working!”

Amy cupped Kirsten’s cheek and tenderly brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She remained silent, wondering if it could be true, and wondering, too, how she felt about the possibility of Kirsten not leaving the notes anymore if this was working indeed.

Lost in her thoughts and Kirsten’s adorable beauty so close to her, she felt Kirsten’s fingertips tapping her chin, luring Amy’s attention back to Kirsten’s eyes. “I won’t stop the notes, Amy,” Kirsten said with a wink. And Amy felt like she should have known Kirsten would see right through her.

Caught in the act, a sheepish grin crossed Amy’s face – less grouchy and more awake, before a frown came over her and she finally broke her silence in a subdued voice. “Look, I know I’m still so fucking broken and I don’t want you to … to feel controlled by me and my fears and worries.” She hesitated, not sure how to find the right words at this early hour.

Kirsten observed the changing expressions on Amy’s face attentively before she released her from the pressure of elaborating any further, and responded “I don’t feel controlled.”

Kirsten took Amy’s hand and placed a kiss on the inside of her palm. “It’s how I help you heal.” She looked Amy in the eyes, seeking her full attention. “And you need to know, Amy, you are more than you think of yourself. You’re everything to me.”

Kirsten made loving her so easy, she made trusting her simple. Kirsten had utter confidence that Amy could conquer her demons, a confidence Amy wasn’t always sure she shared, and Kirsten proved day by day that she would be right by her side all along the way.

“Give me these notes,” Amy said with a slap on Kirsten’s thigh, as she grabbed them from a surprised Kirsten and stuffed them into her drawer.

“You kept them all?” Kirsten exclaimed as she leapt over Amy’s chest to take a look at the drawer and grab a few to see for herself.

Amy shrugged her shoulders underneath Kirsten’s weight. “They are cute!”

“You big softie!” Kirsten exclaimed with a warm laugh, then placed a wet kiss on Amy’s nose before hopping off her side of the bed to make some coffee and get their day started.

[astr0disiac]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 6: ɴᴏɴᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

☆ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ:

Tiana feels as though she deserves the suffering she's endured over the past five years after the tragic loss of her husband, Naveen. But Nanami wants to prove that she is capable of giving and receiving love again.

But even the sweetest of kisses can't heal the sourest of wounds.

An office-work romance like no other, filled with love, loss, and betrayal from those Tiana thought she could trust the most.

☆ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 20,130

☆ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: implied/referenced suicide [mild], implied/referenced self-harm [mild], implied/referenced miscarriage, angst, slow burn

☆ᴍʏ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢꜱ ᴏʀ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ☆

“Tia?” Charlotte tried to keep her voice together, relief washing over her because she finally heard Tiana’s voice after so long. It confirmed that Tia was still Tia, and her Tia was still alive. “Tia, talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“Lottie…” Tiana sniveled, her face growing warm. She wiped at her face feverishly, her skin raw. “Lottie, I need you.”

Charlotte had just finished her nighttime routine before getting an urgent call from Nanami, the man practically begging her to call Tiana as soon as possible because he couldn’t reach her. Of course he had assumed the worst, and that panic had spread to Charlotte, who was now clutching her duvet. Travis, who was still drowsy, sat up with her.

“Tia-” Charlotte swung the cover off of her body, easing up as her belly buzzed with flutters that she had begun to grow accustomed to. Travis raises a brow, but Charlotte holds her hand up politely with a slight head nod, signaling that she had this. She closes her bedroom door, trudging to her plush living room, sinking into the couch. She grabs one of the decorative pillows, hugging it to her chest. “Tia, where are you right now?”

A strained laugh echoes from Tiana’s throat as she looks at her surroundings, defeated. Nothing but dark buildings and piles of snow that she had dug through. She wipes her face again, her skin dry. “Hell?" She says, laughing again, a stray tear falling as her lower lip trembles. “I’m…I’m outside.”

Charlotte’s brows furrowed. “Tia- why are…baby why are you outside?”

“I don’t know!” Tiana shouts, and Charlotte jumps in her seat, but she keeps quiet. “I just, I don’t know anymore, Charlotte. I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m feeling-” Tiana gnawed on her cheek, looking up at the dark sky. She squeezed her eyes shut, rocking on her knees. “I don’t know anything. I’m just…I’m lost. I’m so lost, Charlotte.” Tiana gripped the phone with both her hands, her voice barely over a whisper. “I need you. And I’m sorry for that, but I do.”

“Tiana, don’t apologize, you never need to apologize for leaning on me.” Charlotte said, messaging her stomach as nausea washed over her. Or was it guilt? It didn’t matter right now. 

“What I need you to do is go inside. Let’s get you settled.”

So Tiana did, and it hurt like hell trudging back up the stairs, her limbs numb as she stumbled back into the house for the second time tonight. Tiana knew better than to hop into a hot shower, so she peeled off her soaked clothes layer by layer, shaking as she pitter-pattered around the room, finding her warmest clothes to put on. She wrapped herself in blankets and laid down in her bed, shivering with the phone next to her. While laying down, she briefly thought of how less than a day ago, Nanami had called her to wish her a happy birthday so softly over the phone, and her heart almost bursts. Immediately she got up, moving to the kitchen, the memory causing her head to throb. She made herself some tea, the blankets draped around her body as she wandered around, then finally settled on her couch, curled into a ball.

“Feeling better?” Charlotte asked, the phone on speaker. Tiana, who’s eyes were closed, simply nodded her head first, then remembered Charlotte wasn’t actually there.

“Yeah…” Tiana said, feeling small.

“Good.” Charlotte exhaled. “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

Tiana began sharing stuff from the beginning of her living arrangements in Japan, things she hid from Lottie so as not to worry her, which made Charlotte feel even worse. Because it was Charlotte who subjected her to this life in the first place, and maybe if she were a more supportive friend, Tiana wouldn’t be suffering so much.

Tiana talked about how Misha had been treating her, and her strange switch up, and Lottie seethed over the phone, throwing in nasty comments and insults about the despicable woman. It put a smile on Tiana’s face briefly, reminding her of their teenage years when they would sit on the phone gossiping about absolutely nothing. Tiana was also glad that Charlotte didn’t nag her for withholding something that was troubling her so much.

“So she did all that…” Charlotte’s face dripped with disgust, and Tiana could practically see her upturned nose. “For a man.”

“Hey, now.” Tiana said, getting a bit defensive, but she didn’t mean to. “He’s…” Tiana hesitated a bit, trying not to think about that kiss too much, but everytime she thought of Nanami, the memory was attached to it. “He’s nice…sometimes.” She mutters the last part, but then covers it up with her next statement. “He’s my friend.”

“Hold on-” Charlotte sits up, hearing the shift in Tiana’s voice. “This wouldn’t happen to be the same friend that you mentioned before?” Charlotte’s voice had an air of mischievousness about it, and Tiana felt embarrassed. But why would she?

“Yes. A friend.” Tiana emphasized.

Charlotte felt herself grow giddy, because she knew for sure she was talking about Nanami.

“So if this wench is fighting you so hard for a friend, don’t you think that he may-”

“No.” Tiana said, cutting Charlotte off immediately. “I…I thought so before, but now I know that he was just being kind to me.”

“Just kind?” Charlotte raised a brow, and Tiana nodded her head, clutching her blanket closer.

“Yes, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Tiana says. “I appreciate his friendship, especially when things have been so hard for me here.”

“Tiana…” Charlotte pursed her lips. “Now what could have changed your mind? He sounds like he deeply cares about you.” Charlotte pauses. “Deeply.”

“I…um-” Tiana felt so embarrassed, as if she had reverted back into a child. “He kissed-”

“He kissed you?!” Charlotte yelled, sitting up, and Tiana jolted away from the phone. She pinches the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.

“No!” Tiana said, frustrated that her friend was jumping to conclusions. “No, Lottie. He kissed her.”

The line goes silent, Tiana hearing nothing but her own breathing.

“Lottie?” Tiana calls out, wondering why her vibrant friend had suddenly gone quiet.

Then the line dies.

Tiana sits up, confused, reaching to pick up her phone. The call had dropped.

Charlotte fumed, muttering threats as she dialed Nanami’s number with a quickness. He picked up on the second ring, speaking at a frantic speed.

“Is Tiana okay?” Nanami asked, not even greeting his cousin. “Were you able to reach-”

“You need to get yourself together!” Charlotte screamed on the other line, and Nanami was taken aback by the sudden outburst.

“I- excuse me-?”

Nanami didn’t even get to finish before the line went dead. He stared at his phone, wondering if he had heard Charlotte correctly. But even if he hadn’t heard her correctly, he sure felt her emotions through the line. Charlotte was upset, and he didn’t understand why her anger was directed towards him. It could have been a side effect from her pregnancy, so Nanami tried not to take it to heart.

“What is up with tonight?” Nanami said, running his hands through his hair, lightly jogging to his car.

The phone buzzed in Tiana’s hand, Charlotte calling her back. She swiped her pointer across the screen, putting it on speaker and laying the phone back on the table.

“Lottie?” Tiana sounded concerned.

“Sorry, Tia.” Charlotte was fanning herself on the other line, trying not to get worked up. “I forgot to charge my phone.”

Tiana chuckled lightly, settling back into her seat, hoping Charlotte had let the previous conversation go. She should have known it wouldn’t have been that easy. 

“So, so, so-” Charlotte tried to piece her thoughts together, her frustration building so much that her hands seemed to turn red. God, her cousin, who was supposed to be the most logical man that she knew, was so stupid. “Lemme get this straight... he kissed that tramp?”

“Lottie!” Tiana laughed, but it was to bandage the pain in her heart. “Lottie, that’s not nice.”

“Well it’s true!”

“Lottie!” Tiana’s voice was between a whine and a laugh. “We are all adults here. He has the right to seek out anyone he may want to.” Tiana gripped her blankets tighter, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Even if that person is comparable to the jam between my toes?”

“Yes, even that person was equivalent to toe scum.” Tiana giggled briefly, and Charlotte joined in. But once the laughter stopped, reality had settled into Tiana’s brain, and it put a weird taste in her mouth.

“I don’t…” Tiana hesitates, not sure why she was saying this, but it felt as though she needed to rid these thoughts. “I don’t think it would have worked.”

“Did you want it to work?”

The question put Tiana into a stupor, and her words seemed to fail her as she denied her heart to communicate with her brain.

“I- no, no.” Tiana said after a long pause, so long that a snail could beat a tortoise and a hare. “No, I can’t-”

“You can’t, or you won’t?” Charlotte said softly, and again, Tiana was at a loss for words.

But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t be able to survive a relationship like that a second time, if things went wrong. Maybe that’s why she had Nanami close enough to reach, but not close enough to embrace.

“Tia, what is your heart telling you?” Charlotte asked, and Tiana shook her head.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Tiana’s voice seemed to crack at the end, and Charlotte knew she had to switch gears. If Tiana was so keen on ignoring her heart, surely her mind was running a mile a minute.

“Then what is that pretty little head going on about?” Charlotte pressed, and Tiana closed her eyes, trying to organize her disheveled thoughts. It’s as if Nanami were some kind of virus messing with the neurons firing in her brain.

“My head says…” Tiana chewed on her lip. “It says that I can’t replace him. I can’t replace…I can’t replace Naveen.” Tiana caught the tears forming on her waterline. “And I don’t think…” God, why was this so hard. Her hands that had been clutching the blankets were now vibrating aggressively as she shook them around, watching her writs flop about as she tried to calm herself down. “I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as hard as that. I can’t handle that again.”

Charlotte listened with intent and utmost patience, knowing that it must have been a struggle to finally get those words out, yet it must have felt so freeing at the same time. Tiana could feel it, as she swallowed the wads of spit forming in her mouth, she could feel herself striking at an exposed root, hacking away at the problem. It was indeed a step forward, but knowing her, she would undoubtedly take ten steps back.

“Tia, I want you to hear me when I say this.” Charlotte said gently, but with a slight firmness. “I think you’re looking at love all wrong.”

Tiana sniffled, wiping at her nose, which was raw. “How so?”

“When you went to Japan, did I love you any less?” Charlotte asked, and Tiana let out a pained laugh.

“Gosh, I hope not.” Tiana said, and Charlotte swallowed hard.

“Of course I didn’t. I don’t.” Charlotte said, squeezing the pillow, the statement more to assure herself than Tiana. “And though we have our moments, you don’t love me any less, do you?”

Another sniffle. “Of course not.”

“Exactly.” Charlotte said matter-of-factly, but Tiana was still confused. She tilted her head, wondering what point Charlotte was trying to make.

“So?” Tiana said.

“So…” Charlotte dragged the “o” sound with an emphasis from her southern accent. “So it’s the same way with Naveen.”

“Tiana, your love for him will never go away, just like his for you will never go away. No matter how far apart you are in body, he’s still there in spirit. It radiates off you in the same way it did when he was still here.” Charlotte said gently, tiptoeing around her words. “It’s in the hum of your voice, the swing in your step, the sparkle in your eyes…” Charlotte could have gone on forever. “It’s in the pigment of your skin.”

“Yes, that love will never go away, but no one is saying it has to.” Charlotte said. “Love can only be created, not destroyed. It can be added to, not taken away from. Those experiences, those memories, that happiness; it can’t be taken from you. It’s a part of you. It’s yours. It always will be.” Charlotte smiles, her eyes fluttering closed briefly. “It will only hurt if you give it the energy to. You hear?”

Charlotte was being as careful as possible, and Tiana could tell by the tenderness in her sister’s voice. It was so warm, so assuring. But deep down, Tiana was still pushing those thoughts to the depths of her being. Those thoughts popped up whenever Nanami got close. Whenever his voice whispered to her over the phone. He was so bright, so brilliant, almost painfully so.

And that brightness reminded her of him.

Tiana couldn’t tell Charlotte, hell, it was hard to even tell herself. Because she knew if she said those words out loud, she would have to face them like an adult. And she didn’t want to come to terms with that. She didn’t like that comparison, and it explained why she was hurting so bad. It would explain why she would become incapacitated whenever the thought would cross her mind.

Nanami, deep down, reminded her so much of Naveen.

But he couldn’t know that. She shouldn’t even think that, nor indulge in it. Because if she did, if she allowed those thoughts to become tangible, to come to fruition, she would without a doubt hurt herself. But despite guarding her own heart, she would hurt Nanami. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she damaged him. She couldn’t bask in his light, nor did she want to taint it. So holding him at arm's length was all she could do.

She never wanted to hurt anyone she loved ever again. And if that meant bearing a heavy heart for the rest of her life, then she would do so as penance for what she had done to Naveen. For what she had done to her little girl.

She deserved it.

Tiana realized she had sat in silence for much too long, distracted by her own thoughts. Swallowing those pesky notions, she nodded.

“I hear.” Tiana muttered. Charlotte, unable to read her friend's mind or face, sighed in content. She felt she had really gotten through to her.

“Tia, your heart is so big. It’s so full. You have so much love to give, and there's so much more out there for you to receive. Don’t hold all that in, because the more you withhold, the more the universe will keep from you.” Charlotte was sure there was a happily ever after for her sister. She felt it in her bones, because Tia was the most deserving person of that. And how convenient would it be if that happy ending happened to be with her cousin?

“You’ve worked too hard, and given too much. Suffered too much. Just, trust me.” Charlotte's voice sounded as if she were pleading. “Trust me on this one.”

“...O-okay.” Tiana said, but she didn’t finish it with “I will”. She just couldn’t fully put her heart into it. She couldn’t succumb to ideas floating about in her mind. So she changed the subject to something else, something much more important to her.

“Lottie, I wanted to apologize.” Tiana’s words were sincere, a phrase she’s wanted to say since the last time she saw Lottie. “How I acted, when you got engaged…It was unacceptable-”

“Tia,” Charlotte cut her off firmly. “You don’t have to do that.”

“But I do. I’ve thought about this for a long, long time.” Tiana stood her ground. “We’re supposed to support each other. We’re supposed to be honest with each other.”

Charlotte swallowed, her hands shaking as Tiana went on.

“I want you to know that I really, really am happy for you. I’m so proud.” Tiana smiled, exhaling softly. They were girls together, and now they were women. “I shouldn’t project myself onto you. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide your life from me, like you have to walk on eggshells to live the life you want in order to protect my feelings. My misfortunes aren’t yours.”

“Tia…” Charlotte’s voice croaked. She had to tell her. Yeah, she was a few months late, but she just had to. This was much bigger than getting married. Having a child was life altering for everyone involved.

“Oh, I’m so happy I’m alive to see my sister get married!” Tiana squealed a bit, her mood lifting. “I mean, who else will be your maid of honor?” Tiana laughed softly.

“Tia, I…” Charlotte had to tell her. She had to tell her now, tonight. While both of them were on the phone right now, pouring their hearts out to each other. If she had to force herself to vomit the words out, she would have to.

“Tiana, I’m-” Charlotte hesitated. Tiana tilted her head, humming into the phone.

“Yes, Charlotte?” Tiana wasn’t sure if she made it up, but she could sense a bit of distress in her voice.

“I’m pr-”

Come on, Charlotte thought as she sat there frozen. Say it, say it!

“I’m pretty sure you’ll look so pretty in pink.”

Charlotte sat there, curled on the couch, having hung up the phone with Tiana almost ten minutes ago. Tiana said she was beginning to feel fatigued, so she was going to try and rest. Charlotte agreed quickly, needing to get off the line as soon as possible. And once she did, she cried silently like a coward. She just couldn’t tell her. She made a million excuses on why she couldn’t: she was already late, she was sharing such big news over the phone at that, Tiana had already gone through so much tonight. She kept trying to justify her refusal to fess up, but it didn’t lighten her heart in the slightest. All she could do was sniffle into the couch pillows, hoping Travis wouldn’t come to ask if she had finally told Tiana the truth.

She just couldn’t do it. And that was enough for Charlotte to realize that she wasn’t worthy to be Tiana’s sister, let alone her friend. She was just a hypocrite, feigning genuine care to the woman she claimed to be her other half.

How long could she put this off?

Her phone vibrated, and she sat up, wiping her eyes. It was Nanami.

“What?” She grunted, at first frustrated with herself. Then, she was reminded that Nanami was out there smacking lips with another woman.

“Er- I’m sorry?” Nanami felt strangely apologetic, like she should be atoning for something. 

“Yeah, well you should be.” Charlotte grumbled, channeling her guilt to berate Nanami.

“Did I do something wrong?” Nanami asked, so clueless and unaware. He had driven to the complex, and was parked out, but he had yet to work up the courage to go up there and see Tiana. It was late, she could be exhausted, but what if she was sick? What if she had gotten hurt, which is why she couldn’t answer the phone, or worse, she never even made it home? It would be nothing to waltz up there, walk in, and check on her. But what if she was indecent, or wanted to be by herself? He had to respect her privacy as an adult, and as a woman. He didn’t have the right to intrude on places where he didn’t belong, where he didn’t have permission.

“Is Tiana okay?” Nanami asked, ignoring Charlotte’s attitude. “Did she answer?”

“She’s fine.” Charlotte said bluntly. Nanami raised a brow, the answer less than inadequate.

“Well, can you tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“No?” Nanami clutched his phone, his knuckles white. “Charlotte, I’m not asking for details, I just want to understand.” Nanami sounded so desperate. A part of him felt spurned that Tiana answered Charlotte immediately, but they had an established bond that even Nanami couldn’t get in between. He knew there would be things he would never be privy to, but he wanted Tiana to let him in, even just a sliver.

“No, Nanami.” Charlotte said firmly with a bit of bite. Nanami ran a hand through his hair, nostrils flared as he tried to contain himself.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Nanami huffs. “Come on, Charlotte-”

“Rest assured that she is fine. I mean she isn’t, but she will be.” Charlotte huffs on the other line. She was the reason Tiana was so far from home to begin with, and she would no doubt be the cause of more heartbreak. She didn’t want to share that guilt with Nanami right now, fearing that he would throw it back in her face that she was being selfish.

“Just wait for her to call you back, okay?” Charlotte’s voice grew small on the line, yet Nanami wasn’t near satisfied.

“Charlotte, if you’re still mad about me leaving-”

“I’m not.” Charlotte cut in aggressively, and that part was true. At first she was mad at Nanami because he was right, but now all she had was a feeling of self-hatred. She clears her throat, trying to contain her misplaced frustration.

“I promise, I’m not.” Charlotte strained. “She just needs some time, s'all.”

That comment infuriated Nanami, because Charlotte had left Tiana alone to “give her time”. Now look at where she was. What if Tiana-

“She won’t, Nanami. If that’s what you're thinking.” Charlotte seemingly read Nanami’s mind. “Just let her rest.”

And rest, she tried. Tiana was practically dead to the world when she was asleep, and she felt like a reanimated corpse when she came to. She tried to open her eyes, but they were swollen shut and puffy, hexagonal glints of sunlight invading her vision. Her entire body felt like lead. As she looked through her squinted eyes, she realized she was still on the couch from the night before, her limbs tangled in her blankets. Her skin was sore to the touch, as if she had ran a marathon. Her throat felt as if it were minced, to the point where it hurt to breathe; she couldn’t imagine how it would feel to actually form a sentence. And her head, it felt as if someone were drilling her brain, not to mention the high pitched ringing in her ear.

Awful wasn’t enough to describe the half of it.

She felt around for her phone, which had fallen between the couch cushions. She squinted at the phone screen, and her heart seemed to dip.

28 missed calls from Nanami. 7 unread texts.

He must have been going mad. She didn’t even have a proper excuse on why she left so suddenly. It’s not as if she were a local, Nanami was probably conjuring up the worst scenarios possible.

She scrolled through his text, reading them one by one, watching his anxiety grow stronger with each message.

Hey Tiana, where did you go?

Tiana, why aren’t you answering your phone?

Tiana?

Answer your phone.

Are you okay? Did something happen to you?

Please answer. Just let me know that you’re alright.

Tiana let out a shaky exhale, her hands trembling as she looked at the seventh message, which was sent just minutes prior to her gaining consciousness again. The message seemed a lot more calm, and a lot more put together.

Let me know when you wake up.

When she wakes up? It’s as if he knew that she had dozed off safely in her apartment. 

With aching hands, she typed her message slowly.

I’m awake.

A check mark appeared next to her message, showing that Nanami had read it instantly. Had he been waiting for her message?

Can I come over?

Tiana blinked at the message, trying to process how she would answer. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to see him. And with each passing moment, it was taking more and more energy to denounce the intensity she felt from the previous night. She wasn’t sure if seeing Nanami when she wasn’t in her right mind was the best thing to do right now, for the sake of her sanity, nor for the sake of her body because it hurt just to twiddle her thumbs to type a response to turn him down.

Just as she was about to hit send, another message popped up that caused her to sway.

I want to see you. 

And Tiana found herself yielding to his request, no holds barred.

Alright.

It hadn’t even been five minutes when there was a rapid knock on the door, Tiana's body lacked the energy to jolt, so her bloated eyes simply flitted to the door. How the hell did he get here so fast?

In truth, Nanami had been waiting outside. He sat there after his call with Charlotte in the wee hours of the morning, wondering if she had told him the whole truth. He waited, just in case Tiana stumbled past his car, or maybe came out of the complex, like a creep.

When he came to the conclusion that the night would continue to stand still, save for his fingers drumming on the steering wheel, he went home. He tried to sleep, but his mind was running a mile a minute; his brain flooded with that kiss, but a different version. With a different woman. It drove him to insanity, his body shuddering underneath his bedding against his will. So when the sun rose, he went about his morning routine, got in the car, and drove around, trying to piece together his spacey thoughts. Trying to decide what he really wanted, what he was really feeling. Instead of finding an answer, he found himself outside the complex around noon, hoping yet again that Tiana would let him in.

“Tiana, can I come in?”

His voice sounded urgent, as if he needed to hear her voice in order to confirm she was alive, to confirm the message she had just sent was some sort of automation. Tiana blinked, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a strained wheeze. It was as if someone had squeezed the air out of a rubber toy. Her throat hurt so bad, as if her vocal chords had been stretched and tied into a present bow. 

“Tiana?” Nanami called out again, but she was unable to respond. She reached for her throat, eyebrows furrowed in pain and frustration. She tried to answer again, but all that came out was a set of agonizing coughs.

“I’m…I’m coming in.” Nanami sounded unsure, but continued to put in the password to her door. The four familiar beeps sounded, followed by a long one. Then the click of the door. Tiana sat there anxiously, each sound crisp in her ears as a foreboding feeling swept over her.

The door opened, and Tiana turned to look at Nanami, who despite seeming quite comfortable in his sweats, looked so disheveled, as if he had been tossing and turning all night. Honestly, he looked about as sick as she felt, dark circles shading his under eyes. His blonde hair was tousled about, and his face looked dreadful. His eyes scanned the room frantically until he finally noticed the shifting pile of blankets on the couch was Tiana, and not an abandoned mess.

Tiana couldn’t even smile properly to greet him. Without even removing his shoes, he rushed over, kneeling in front of her. It was so sudden, that Tiana jolted back, blinking rapidly.

“Why didn’t you answer?” He asked, his eye contact so intense that it felt as if Tiana was being consumed in his gaze. It made her nervous, feeling as if he were interrogating her.

Tiana opened her mouth again, shaking her head as she motioned to her throat, nothing but a squeak coming out. Nanami’s eyebrows creased, and the amount of worry pooling his eyes was irregular for two people who considered themselves friends for a couple of months. He looked at her as if he had known her for a lifetime.

“You’re sick?” He asked gently, and Tiana simply nodded her head, her eyes in a squint. Immediately, he raised the back of his hand to Tiana's forehead. She was so bewildered by the sudden contact, but his hand was cool against her flesh. It was comforting, and that feeling of shock turned into a feeling of familiarity. That same sense of security he always seemed to provide her. So instead of pulling away, she found herself leaning in.

“You're warm.” Nanami’s voice was low as he flipped to his palm, leaving a tingling sensation on Tiana’s face. “If you weren’t feeling well last night, you should have just told me…” Nanami’s voice dipped as he kept muttering to himself, or maybe Tiana had begun to tune him out. His words were a soft chastisement, mores o of worry than actual scolding. Tiana’s eyes flutter close, and she sighs. She was helpless with him, and helpless without him. Replacing his grim look with a small smile, Nanami removes his hand, looking up at Tiana, all wrapped up in blankets with a worn-out expression. She had that usual frown on her lips, but it was as if the muscles in her face were too tired to allow her brows to crease. He tilts his head, standing up from his crouched position.

“If you didn’t want to go out with me today, you could have just said no.” He jokes, folding his arms. “No need to get yourself sick to avoid me.”

In Nanami’s attempts to make Tiana laugh, he succeeded, but it not a full body laugh. It was an airy one, a rush of air expelling from her nose.

Nanami hums, looking down at Tiana. This was the second time she had become unwell in such a short period of time. Maybe she hadn’t recovered fully last time, and Nanami felt a bit of responsibility from that.

He also felt a bit of guilt from the previous night, the wild imaginations appearing in his mind from an action that was imposed on him. He should have been more tentative of Tiana. He should have left early with her, made her feel more comfortable. It should have been just the two of them.

He should have kissed her. 

He would surely never make that mistake again. Never let a chance like that escape him, ever again.

“I’ll be right back. Go get comfortable.” He had a determined look, a man on a mission for sure. Tiana, who was unable to protest, simply watched him walk out of the door, closing it gently.

I shouldn’t, Tiana thought. I should just send him home.

But how could she when his mind was already made? She couldn’t just turn him away.

She didn’t want to turn him away.

So Tiana found herself in a warm bath, the water soothing her aching body, and clearing her senses slightly, but her throat felt like sandpaper with each swallow. She poked and prodded at her tender body, washing over her skin gently as she rinsed off her worries and thoughts, watching them swirl down the drain with a few sediments. 

She thought of what Charlotte said, about listening to her heart. While putting on a new set of warm pajamas, she opened the door to that muscle just a sliver, just a crack, listening to its whispers of desire for only a second. She feared if they got too loud, or if she opened that door too wide, it would overtake her. She heard the same three words repeated over and over, chanting like a spell.

Indulge a bit.

Indulge a bit.

Indulge-

“Tiana, I’m going to use your stove.” Nanami’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, and Tiana sat up straighter on her bed. How long had she been sitting there?

And after the last time he cooked, why did Nanami think Tiana would ever allow him to do that again?

Tiana creaks up, her joints aching as she shuffles out of her bedroom with a blanket on her shoulders, closing the door softly. She turns the corner and has multiple deja vu moments, but mainly to the most recent one of Nanami scorching her favorite pan.

He was pulling different things out of paper bags: green onions, mushrooms, carrots, a container of stock, some damn eggs. He had also taken some things from her fridge: some leftover chicken and a container of rice that she never got to eat. He moved about the kitchen as if he lived there.

Nanami perked up when he saw Tiana, wrapped in her duvet as it trailed behind her. He continued divvying up the ingredients, rinsing off utensils and knives as he prepared the meal he was about to make.

“What?” Nanami asked, as he looked at Tiana, who eased into the stool that was stationed near the counter, acting as a small island separating the two. Tiana raised her brow, eyes gesturing towards the ingredients, mainly the eggs, on the counters. Nanami follows her gaze, then scoffs lightly.

“What, you don’t trust me?” Nanami says, jutting his hip out, waving the wooden spoon he was holding in the space between them. Tiana simply pursed her lips, looking down her nose at him. He playfully brushes her off, turning his attention back to the items.

“Though you should be resting, I think it’s an honor to be viewed by a professional.” His head was down with hair falling in front of his face, yet Tiana could hear him smile as he spoke. “So, I’ll let you watch.”

Tiana found his cockiness quite surprising, yet refreshing. It was entertaining to think that he was granting her permission to watch him cook with her utensils in her kitchen, which was also in her home. It just showed that the two had reached another level in their relationship that would be impossible to step back from. Sighing in defeat, Tiana slumps on the counter, watching Nanami with prying eyes, dissecting each and every one of his movements.

She came to the conclusion that she would indulge in this moment. There was nothing wrong if she did, and it would be a missed opportunity if she didn't. And it’s not like the two were doing anything strange. She could look at this simply as one of their usual hangouts, except he was in her house, cooking for her, and willingly taking care of her and making sure she was alright.

There was nothing wrong with that.

There was nothing wrong with him being kind, and her accepting his kindness.

That’s all it was.

She watched him rinse the vegetables, placing them on the wooden cutting board one by one. In a pot on the stove, he poured the stock and turned the gas on high to bring it to a boil. The blue flame under the grates crackled with life, lapping at the bottom of the pot gently.

She watched his fingers work meticulously, holding the vegetables tightly as he sliced, diced, and minced them accordingly. The way his fingers curved to carefully avoid each sharp slice from her knife. The action created a rhythm that was almost lulling as the stock bubbled in the background like an afterthought. Tiana was content with just watching, waiting. Observing. Her elbow perched on the edge of the counter, she leaned into the palm of her hand, growing drowsy as the sounds of an active kitchen and smells of fresh ingredients, sending her into a state of composure. It reminded her of when she would watch her father cook as a child.

She heard Nanami chuckle, but she couldn’t even make a rebuttal. She just squinted her eyes, glaring into his forehead as he slid the veggies into the boiling liquids.

Nanami tried to focus on the movements of his hands, and nothing else. He couldn’t even look Tiana in the eye, because he felt ashamed of the risqué thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past 24 hours. He felt that if he looked at her, then his body would simply melt. Even though she was as sick as a dog, she looked so adorable, snuggled up and trying to keep from nodding off. And because Tiana couldn’t exactly use her voice to communicate, her body seemed to do it for her. She seemed comfortable, relaxed. Open, even. Everything, yet nothing at all being said in the small kitchen in the light of the midday sun. Nanami could picture something similar to this everyday, for the rest of his life, really.

He wondered if Tiana felt an inkling of that.

Tiana watched Nanami all the way to the end of his process, even applauding him when he successfully cooked the eggs without her kitchen going up in smoke, which he gracefully bowed at. The two made their way to the couch, Nanami holding two steaming bowls of soup that smelled so savory. Tiana was practically salivating at the mouth as Nanami handed her the bowl gently.

“Careful. It’s hot.” Nanami warned, watching the hunger in Tiana’s eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder if Tiana had even gotten to eat the night before, the way she was eying the bowl as if it were the first meal she had in weeks.

Tiana took a spoonful, blowing on it gently to ward off the steam, and shoved it in her mouth. Her palate was definitely satisfied: the vegetables had a light crunch, the egg wasn’t runny, the rice and broth coated her throat with a soothing warmth, and the chicken was quite tender from soaking in the stock. Tiana sighed in content, swinging her feet gently. Nanami stifled a laugh; she often did some sort of dance whenever she ate something good, and it made him happy that she was dancing for his food. He was thoroughly amused as well, because she looked so damn cute right now; wide eyed as she chewed in silence.

While Tiana downed the last bit of soup, Nanami got up, strolling to the kitchen. When he returned, it was with a bottle of medicine and a measuring cap. Untwisting the bottle, he poured the dark liquid into the small cup. He hands it to her, and she takes it graciously after putting her empty bowl down.

“Here, take this. It’s going to make you a little sleepy.”

Tiana didn’t argue, following the instructions given as she tilted her head back, the consistency of the liquid like sap as it slid down her throat. The taste was nothing to gawk at, it was thick and bitter, with an oily finish. She jerked her head back, swallowing loudly as she tried not to gag, because it would no doubt hurt if she did. She threw her disgusted look towards Nanami, who sat there apologetically.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you it’d be kind of gross.” He said, leaning back into the cushions. Tiana frowned, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, her tongue pressed into the roof of her mouth. She leans forward, grabbing the remote from the coffee table, curling back into her blanket. Nanami took notice of this, a smile itching at his lips. Was she pouting?

When Nanami said that the medicine would make Tiana sleepy, he didn’t think it would knock her out so quickly. Tiana had been flitting through the channels to settle on a movie. The title card didn’t even get a chance to show before Tiana’s head thumped onto Nanami’s shoulder, her limp hand falling to his thigh. She must have been exhausted.

Soft exhales left her nose, the blankets over her rising and falling as the television flashed across the walls of the living room. Nanami looked down at the woman, completely mesmerized, even though she had simply fallen into a slumber. She wasn’t extravagantly dressed, or doing anything that was particularly spectacular, but Nanami didn’t need that. Her presence was spectacular. The way her face looked so soft as she snored, that was extravagant enough. This was more than he could ever ask for. Why yearn for a dance in front of hundreds, when they could be in each other’s existence. Just the two of them. Something so simple, yet so fulfilling. He let her stay there a while, and he would have let her sleep there forever.

But even with these chivalrous thoughts, deep down, the provocative part of him craved a bit more. He tried not to let them form fully in his mind, but he couldn’t help the way they bubbled at the surface of his consciousness.

And when Tiana’s head lolled so hard that it fell into his lap, the bubbles began to pop.

He was unable to watch the movie anymore, and tried not to shift or move a muscle. Not even a twitch. But at the same time, he felt his skin grow hot, so much so that he began tugging at the sleeves on his sweater.

Nope, Nanami thought, shaking Tiana slightly.

“Tiana?” Nanami called gently, trying to keep his voice from raising any higher. “Tiana, you should get in bed.”

“Hm?” Tiana’s voice croaked groggily, the first vocal sound she had been able to make all day. The hum vibrated all the way to Nanami's core.

She had to get off him. Now.

“Alright.” Nanami grunted, scooping up Tiana’s upper half to lean on her side of the couch, away from him. She just slumped over, still sound asleep. Nanami reached over, picking up her exposed arm slightly, and letting it go, the limb flopping back into her lap. She was ko’ed, and would definitely be in this state for a few hours, if not the rest of the day. It wouldn’t be right if Nanami allowed Tiana to stay on the couch, all bent over awkwardly. She could hurt herself even more, and Nanami felt justified to simply put Tiana to bed himself.

And to not look into it anymore than just that.

Nanami swept Tiana into his arms, her arms and legs dangling as he cradled her. Trying not to trip over the blanket pooling on the ground, his feet carefully padded her to her room. Tiana wasn’t necessarily heavy, but she was definitely solid. Nanami was grateful that she was fast asleep so she didn’t hear or feel the way his heartbeat reverberated around his body.

Nanami fiddled with the door handle carefully as he bent over, rotating it until the door popped open. He tapped the bottom of the door with his foot softly, and it swung open.

Nanami had never been in Tiana’s room, for obvious reasons. Though it was a simple bedroom, it was the fact that it was a bedroom. Tiana’s bedroom, specifically. Nanami felt like he had diverted back into an unlawful teenager, and his skills and logic were simply thrown out the window. He was so flustered by his own sense of immaturity, shaking his head at himself as he tiptoed to Tiana’s bed with her in his arms. He gently placed her down, her body stirring slightly as she rolled onto the mattress. Nanami then took the time to tuck her exposed limbs back into her blanket, hoping that the heat would help her sweat out her fever.

Nanami stood there, looking around her room, taking it in. It had the same brown decor as outside, with hints of green. An area above her headboard had a bunch of pictures pinned into the wall, and he saw a peachy, familiar face in all of them. Majority of the pictures were all with Lottie. Pictures of the two when they were kids, teens, and early adulthood. Silly faces, smiling faces, what looked to be a prom photo. Nanami chuckled, leaning in closer to get a better look. There was one particular picture that snagged his eye; it was Tiana and Lottie, but the other half was hidden under a photo of the girls coloring on someone's wall.

Tiana had on a white dress, that was kind of in a mermaid style, with green detailing crossing over her body. There was a beautiful lily decorating her shoulder, and she wore a green tiara with a thin white veil cascading behind her like a waterfall. Lottie was wearing a green dress that had a slit down her leg, and it kind of fell off the shoulders as she held a giant bouquet of the same flower Tiana had on her dress. The two had beaming smiles, so wide that their eyes were closed, and Charlotte had a bright brush of blush across her cheeks and under her eyes, as if she had been crying. Anyone in their right mind would be able to tell that this was a wedding photo, and anyone knowing Tiana would understand why the other half was hidden.

He didn’t mean to stare so intensely. Nanami has always been one to mind his business, especially as an adult. Adults had private lives for a reason, and they opened up about those parts of their lives when they were ready and thought the other person was deserving of being let into their circle. Tiana, before Nanami, had an entire life laid before her. She had ambitions, dreams, goals. If things had played out the way Tiana had prayed for, chances are that Nanami would have just been another passing face on the street. He probably would have met her when visiting Charlotte for a holiday. Lottie would have introduced Tiana as her sister and long time best friend. Tiana, being the gracious woman that she is and being free from her current afflictions, would have kindly welcomed him in as a new found family member and friend. She’d introduce Naveen, and they would find out about their previous business relationship. She’d gush about her restaurant, the same way she does about food now with such gusto and passion. Tiana would probably have a boy, or a little girl with the same big brown eyes. Who ever it was would probably wear the same frown he mama does, because Nanami would be a complete stranger, and it would take time for her to warm up to the man. But they would be equally as ambitious, having two parents with a support system to back up their aspirations. Tiana, after that, would probably never look his way again, because Naveen would undoubtedly have her full, undivided attention.

But Nanami would undoubtedly look her way every time.

Because Nanami would, no matter when, undoubtedly fall for her every time.

And Nanami, despite it being at the expense of Tiana’s happiness, was grateful that he had a chance with her this time.

Tiana stirred slightly, her head jerking to the side, eyebrows furrowed. Nanami looked down, watching her become a bit restless, the creases in her brows becoming much more prominent with each passing second. Her eyes squeezed harder and harder, until a single tear slipped past her eyelids, and rolled down her face.

“Na…nnn…” She muttered, her left hand squeezing at something that Nanami couldn’t see. But what he could see is that her ring was still gone, the light patch of skin wrapped around her finger in its place. Was she having a nightmare about Naveen again? That must have been who she was calling out to, who she seemed to be grappling for.

Yet Nanami hoped she was reaching out for him.

“I’m sorry, Tiana.” He crouched by her bedside, his face close enough to feel her rapid exhales. “I’m sorry for deceiving you.” He took his thumb, massaging the spot in between her brows, the muscles relaxing with each roll. After the creases ceased, he wiped at her cheek and under her eye, catching the streams of water.

“But we’re the same.” Nanami whispered. “So let’s be greedy together.”

All Nanami could do was pray to whatever omnipotent being above that Tiana would forgive him when she finds out the stunts he and Charlotte had pulled behind her back. That she wouldn't misunderstand his intentions.

“Just this once, let’s indulge in it.”

Tiana’s eyes fluttered open. Her body felt heavy, but she could've sworn someone was speaking to her. But when her eyes fully opened and she exited her state of delirium, there was no one there. Just a glass of water on her nightstand and that appalling medicine Nanami had her take.

“Ugh…” Tiana croaked like a bullfrog as she sat up in her bed. She didn’t remember falling asleep here, or maybe she did? Everything from the moment Nanami came back from the store until now was muddled in her brain, like someone clipped the memories up and stitched them together in the wrong order.

Tiana knocked back the glass of water, her throat no longer sore, and instead being incredibly dry. She cleared her throat, as she felt the cool liquid seep in the crevices of her chest. Instead of grabbing the medicine, she grabbed her phone to check the time. It was 2am.

“Jesus.” She hacked, startled by her own voice. She sounded like a chain-smoker mixed the screech of a weed whacker. But at least she could speak now, even if she sounded like a man who deep fried his own esophagus.

Nanami should definitely be home by now, Tiana thought. There was no way he stayed this late, nor did he have a reason to stay this late. He wasn’t obligated to do that, and she still appreciated him taking time off his vacation to watch over her. She exhaled, feeling the loneliness creep in.

“Come on, Tia. You’re grown.” She mumbled, getting up and popping her joints. As she stretched her back, her stomach grumbled, the light soup from earlier obviously not weighing on her stomach anymore. She dragged herself out of her room, wondering if Nanami made enough for leftovers. She wasn’t going to cook an entire breakfast at two in the morning.

Tiana padded past the living room, the television still on as it lit up the darkness, but with no volume. Tiana frowned, Nanami must've left it on when he left. Maybe that’s what he did at his house, but he should have at least had the courtesy to turn it off. 

Tiana shuffled to the back of the couch, leaning over it to find the remote. Instead, she saw Nanami, curled up, and fast asleep.

“Oh-!” Tiana jumped, scaring herself. She had assumed she was alone, but Nanami had stayed. He actually stayed the night. In her living room. Tiana covered her face, her skin hot as she sucked in her breath. 

She heard Nanami stir, and then a shortened grunt as if he were stretching. She dropped her hands to see Nanami sitting up, scratching the back of his neck. He looked at Tiana groggily, then gave her a smile.

“You’re up.” His voice was deep as he spoke, but the cadence of his words showed that he was elated. Tiana was gobsmacked, blinking for a moment before she gave him an answer.

“I am.”

“Your voice…” Nanami pursed his lips. “Well, at least you're speaking now.” He tilted his head, his eyes half closed, somewhat muttering to himself. “I missed your voice.”

If Tiana wasn’t awake before, she definitely was now. Nanami must have still been dreaming to say something like that without even flinching. Tiana was planted there in a flustered silence as Nanami stood up adjusting his clothes, his abdomen peaking from underneath his shirt. She looked down as he walked past her, not paying attention to how shy she was being right now.

“You must be hungry, but it’s-” He paused, looking at the digital clock built into the stove, “-two in the morning. I cut some fruits up for you earlier, so I hope that’s enough.”

Nanami began moving around the kitchen, a giant bowl of fruits appearing from the fridge as he put a kettle of water on the stove.

Tiana sat in the stool by the counter, snacking on the fruits: lemons, oranges, grapes, melons, strawberries. She munched in silence, eyes trailing Nanami as she tried to understand his angle. This man, about two days ago, was smacking on another woman’s lips in a dark corridor like a two, sneaky teens trying not to get caught. And now, he was staying the night, doting on her as if everything was normal. Did this man not have any sort of guilt on his conscience?

But more so than that, did Tiana not have any shame? Because at the end of the day, she allowed him to stay here.

Because you want him to, a small voice in her heart spoke, and she found herself clutching her shirt hard, the fabric wrinkling as it scrunched against her chest.

She said she would indulge in this, and for her to fully immerse, she would have to throw all logic away.

Yet she felt like she was mocking herself, because did she really get so desperate for companionship that she was willing to play stupid?

The kettle screamed, hot, white steam spewing from its spout. Nanami picks it up by its handle, pouring it into a mug, the room filling with a strong smell of ginger. He places the mug gently in front of Tiana, and it clunks on the marble. Tiana abandons the gigantic bowl of fruit, grabbing the mug as it warms her palms. Nanami goes about, returning the kitchen back to its normal place, starting a conversation that only aided in Tiana’s confusion.

“Oh, I wanted you to do something for me.”

Tiana tilts her head, eyes glowing in the dark. “Hm?”

“Could you make me a list?”

Tiana clenched her mug. “A list?” She asked, her neck moving backwards.

“Yeah.” Nanami said nonchalantly, as if that was something they normally did. Tiana squinted her eyes. Was he drunk? Or high? “Errands that you wanted to complete over the break, things to do. I’ll take care of it for you.”

Tiana sat there dumbfounded. Enough was enough. “Why?” Her throat betrayed her as it cracked.

Nanami shrugged, rinsing out the kettle before grabbing a nearby towel and drying it off. “Well, I just thought it’d be best since you're not feeling well…” Nanami’s voice faltered a bit, losing confidence. “I’ll just…take care of it for you.”

“No,” Tiana cleared her throat, wincing. “Why…are you still here?”

Nanami just stands there, the words cutting him deep. Tiana looked a bit perturbed, the flash of the TV behind her casting an eerie silhouette onto the kitchen, reminding Nanami of the beams of the moon. Nanami opened his mouth, then closed it. He could tell her, he could tell her now, but it wouldn’t be the right time. But considering their circumstances, when would it be the right time for them?

“I-” Nanami stumbled over his words. “I just…I just want you to know that you can lean on me. You’re not alone.”

Tiana looked down into her mug, eying the tea with a frown as chunks of ginger floated about. That’s the problem. If she leaned on him, put that kind of pressure on him, she was scared that she would break him.

Or maybe, he would one day get tired of her weight and push her off him, breaking her instead.

One of them would have to give.

“You can use me.”

Nanami, saying those words to himself as some sort of prayer, didn’t think Tiana would hear them, though it was just them in the light of the tv screen. Tiana bit her lip, mustering up the courage to ask why. Why was he here, instead of with Misha? Why was he being so kind to her, when Misha was right there with an open heart? What was he thinking, wasting his time with her when he could be with someone right now who was willing to give all, and she could bear nothing but withered fruits and dried up seeds?

“Nanami, I don’t-” Tiana’s sentence was cut short, her voice at her limit as she crumbled into a fit of coughs, using her elbow to shield her face. Nanami’s lips twisted to the side as he leaned forward, pushing the mug closer to Tiana while she tried to settle herself down.

“Go ahead, drink up so you can get some rest.” Nanami said gently, walking back to the living room. Tiana caught her breath, sniveling as she took a sip of her tea. She downs it in silent gulps, trying to steady her own heart. It felt as if it were trying to leap out of her chest.

She rubs her face, pushing away from the counter, leaving the mug as she goes back to her room, feeling not only as if she had lost, but feeling as though she had been grounded. If Nanami really was doing this out of the kindness of his heart, then he didn’t have to command her around like a child.

Yet, Tiana found herself following his instructions anyway, writing a list of things she had planned to do with her spare time. Organizing some files in her office, grocery shopping, watering the plants, a few other miniscule things that she let pile up over the past few months that were starting to become big things. As she finished the list off, there was a knock on her door frame, and she turned to see Nanami there, arms crossed as he leaned on the frame.

“Is that it?” Nanami asked, gesturing with his head to the yellow notepad resting her hands, and Tiana nodded. Nanami walked over holding his hand out, and Tiana gave him the list without putting up a fight. His eyes read over the items, taking mental notes as he read.

“Alright. I’ll get started in the morning.” He headed towards the door, then turned around, having one more thing to say.

“Just call me if you need something. Okay?” Nanami coaxed her gently, and Tiana simply nodded, her head dipping in embarrassment. 

“Alright, then.” He grabs the handle of her door, waving at her softly. “Goodnight, Tiana.”

“G’night, Nanami.” Tiana whispered, unable to get any louder than that. With an airy laugh, Nanami closes the door slightly, leaving a slight crack so that he could hear Tiana if she needed something.

Morning came, and Nanami got to work. First, he checked on Tiana, only to find her sprawled wildly on her bed, her arm hanging off the side. He decided to get to work while she was asleep, so he could at least be back to make her something when she awoke.

Tiana’s list involved grocery shopping, but they weren’t run-of-the-mill grocery items. Nanami knew immediately, based on Tiana’s request, that she was all about freshness. Tiana had a grocery envelope in the kitchen, and Nanami who decided to use his own money for the purchases, realized why she had such a thick envelope set to the side for budgeting. Fresh market food items were not cheap in the slightest, but it made up for it in quality. Even though Tiana’s food had a more southern background, you could taste the freshness of the eastern coastline.

After groceries, he went to a few other places the list led him to, and it caused him to learn more and more about Tiana. He found where Tiana got her vanilla scented candles. He also found where Tiana got her barrage of plants from, because she asked for more fertilizer. He found where she got those lovely yellow bulbs that added such a sentimental mood to her home. He found himself taking mental notes of her style, the things she liked, and the places she seemed to enjoy visiting. He even saw some places that he wouldn’t mind taking her to as a date.

“A date?” Nanami grumbled to himself in disbelief, shaking his head. He was getting far too ahead of himself. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to celebrate her birthday with her yet.

“When are we gonna go out for my birthday?” Tiana asked, her voice easing off of its recent wheeze, sitting on the couch as she watched Nanami re-pot one of her plants for her. Tiana decided not to fight, or think too hard for the rest of the day. Just to indulge in the feelings of warmth that were blooming in her. This, strangely, caused her to talk a lot more friendlier than usual. Maybe because she was nervous that it was all a facade.

“As soon as you get better.” Nanami said, wiping at his forehead, smearing a bit of dirt on his brow. “Which would happen quicker if you actually got some rest. We have until the 4th of January, it’s only the 28th.”

“Getting rest is boring.” Tiana said, throwing her head back in an exasperated manner. Since she had been so wired lately, having absolutely nothing to do seemed to stress her out more than being busy. When there was nothing to do, then she would have to occupy the thoughts she had been running away from.

And if she was going to be delusional, then she wanted to at least have fun as she lost her sanity.

“What about tomorrow?” She proposed, swinging her legs. Nanami paused to look at her, trying his hardest to keep a stern look, but it didn’t last long. His eyes immediately softened when he saw those big brown eyes, pleading with him, and he just couldn't say no. He sighs in defeat, throwing his hands in the air.

“Fine.” He looks away. “Only, and only if you get rest today. We can go as soon as you wake up tomorrow.”

Tiana nodded eagerly, her pleading expression turning into something quite sly. She stood up, walked towards Nanami, and attempted to wipe the dirt off his face, only to smear it more.

“You’re so soft.” She said, walking away to her room, her feet pitter-pattering on the floor.

“Yeah, yeah…” Nanami waves her off as blush spreads across his face. Only for you.

The last thing on the list was organizing her office, and Nanami could see why that particular task was dead last. Compared to the rest of her home, the office was a bit chaotic. It wasn’t horrendous, but it definitely needed some tidying. Tiana had most items labeled appropriately, and enough folders to organize the entire corporation. They just needed to be put in their right place, and it would be a great way to start the new year with a clean mind and area.

Nanami began filing, putting things away, and cleaning things off enough to where Tiana could maneuver right now if she needed to. As he was getting to the bottom of a stack of papers on her less crowded desk, he stumbled across a stack of documents that had him a bit perplexed. They were labeled for the sales department, which Tiana was interning in, but they were well above her level of clearance. Not only that, most of them had Misha’s name on them.

Again, Nanami wasn’t one to snoop, but he found himself curious as he thumbed through the files and reports. Tiana was clearly uncomfortable around the woman, so why would she have all these papers meant for her?

She must be studying her department superiors, Nanami concluded. Tiana may not like Misha, but just because you don’t like a person doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them. As Nanami came to his own interpretation, he found Tiana’s actions quite admirable. He chuckled, putting the papers back, hoping he hadn’t disturbed her studies too much.

By then, it was time for dinner. Nanami decided instead of rice soup, he would try hot pot with everything else that he had leftover from the night before, it would be a waste if he didn’t. He also didn’t think Tiana would enjoy eating the same thing twice, even if she was sick.

Nanami, from then on, knew that Tiana was a woman who deserved much more than what he could ever give. But he would try his darndest. 

After finalizing the meal, he knocked on Tiana’s door. When she didn’t answer, he pushed it open a hair, peeking his head inside to see her fast asleep again, and the medicine cup empty. He didn’t want to awake her from her peaceful slumber, she looked so serene. She looked as if she were de-aging too, her face plush and the lines that were usually there seemed to have receded back into her smooth skin. This was something she desperately needed, and he was glad that he was able to give it to her.

The sun had begun to set below the horizon, casting a warm, orange glow inside her room. Everything seemed to glitter and shine, and it was definitely a scene Nanami wouldn’t mind seeing everyday. Tiana, blissfully asleep without a worry in the world. Even if he wasn’t to necessarily wake up to her everyday, seeing her at peace seemed to calm him. The energy in her home was contagious. Tiana herself was contagious.

He tiptoed over, tapping her gently. He wanted her to at least eat something before it got too late.

“Tiana, you need to eat something.” He said gently, crouching down next to her ear. “Then you can take one more dose for the night.”

Tiana groaned, turning over in frustration, refusing to leave the comfort of her bed. Nanami scoffs, shaking her a bit harder. “Come on. Then I promise I’ll leave you alone.” He said sarcastically.

Tiana protested, turning back to face Nanami, her eyes fluttering open while simultaneously trying to focus.

“Na-?” She hesitated, her nose scrunching. For a moment, in her groggy state, in the light of the dying sun, she could have sworn on her life Naveen was standing there, waking her up. Maybe it was the way the light bended around Nanami, but as the suns rays gradually became more dim, Nanami was slowly revealed to her. She scrambles up, wiping at her eyes aggressively, blinking hard a few times. She looks up at Nanami, who wearing a soft smile.

She almost said something she would have definitely regretted.

“There she is.” His voice was warm. “Come on, I made hot pot.”

Tiana, to ignore the strange apparition that woke her up, chattered away at the dinner table. Her voice was pretty much back, dipping every now and then like a teenage boy going through puberty.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Nanami chuckled. “Or I’ll have to cancel tomorrow-”

“You better not.” Tiana jabbed her chopsticks towards him. “I’ve been cooped up in this house too long; I swear I’m starting to see things.”

Nanami, completely amused now, laughed heartily. “Like what?”

Tiana couldn’t tell Nanami the whole truth. Tiana looked around, trying to find the right words to say, without sounding like an insane and insensitive asshole.

“More…times like this, I guess…” Tiana muttered, stirring the contents in her bowl. She couldn’t even look him in the eye as she gave him a piece of her. And even if it wasn’t the full truth, she meant it with utmost sincerity.

Maybe it was because the domestic routine was so familiar, or because her heart was touched at how Nanami went through great lengths to make sure she was okay. Or maybe it was something else, something that she kept pushing down into the depths of her heart. But she could see more times like this. More days like this, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company. She wouldn’t mind this becoming a permanent part of her routine.

She wondered if Nanami felt an inkling of that.

“Yeah…” Nanami muttered into his bowl, looking at the floating ingredients as Tiana’s eyes shot up towards him. Nanami tried not to cower away, he wanted to at least be able to look Tiana in the face while he said this. That way she would know that he actually means it.

“Me too…” His voice falters, and he caves, laughing at his own weakness. “I guess…”

Neither of them could fully commit to their words with confidence, yet both of them confused the sound of the other’s racing heart as their own.

The next morning, Nanami felt a finger poking his cheek, reeling him back from his recurring dream.

“Nanamiiiiii.” Tiana sang out melodically, poking Nanami’s face repeatedly as he stirred on the couch. He must have been tired from the day before, and she would have let him sleep in if half the day weren’t already gone. She felt giddy, wondering what kind of event Nanami had set up for her today.

Nanami had been muttering in his sleep for the past hour, and Tiana found herself watching over him, leaned over the couch as he spoke incoherently. He was adorable, his expression changing as he conversated with whoever was behind his eyelids.

“Nanami, it’s getting late.” She continuously poked him, her fingertips sinking into his skin. “You really shouldn't keep a lady waiting.”

Nanami’s eyes eased open, Tiana’s face hovering above his, her hair falling past her shoulder as she leaned over him, a wild grin.

She was as beautiful in his dreams as she was in his reality.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Tiana said, her arms folded over her pajamas. “Don’t tell me you caught my cold?”

Nanami opened his mouth, but instead of a rebuttal, it was a strained cough. He sat up, hacking into his elbow, Tiana running around the couch out of concern.

“Oh, no-!” Tiana was definitely joking at first, but if Nanami really caught her cold, she’d feel guilty for the rest of her life. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry-”

Tiana stopped, noticing how Nanami’s coughing spiraled into laughter as smooth as velvet, lacking any sort of ailments. Tiana gapped at him, feeling utterly betrayed that he would do that to her. He stops laughing for a moment, tilting his head to look at her.

“I’m kidding.”

Tiana, with ears as hot as embers, grabbed the nearest throw pillow and shoved it in his face, knocking him back down into the cushions. She stood up, stomping to her room, Nanami’s laughter still ringing throughout her home as she slammed the door.

“I was kidding!” He calls back, in between laughter. The door opens momentarily, Tiana’s voice shouting at him, not as all threatening as she thought she sounded.

“That’s the last time I feel bad for you!”

Slam.

“At least dress warm!” Nanami called back.

Nanami kept laughing at his little prank as he got dressed in the guest bathroom located in the office, and when he left, Tiana was sitting on the couch, fully dressed with her arms folded and her lips jutted out into a dramatic pout.

“You still mad?”

…

“You can’t ignore me the entire trip, you know.”

“Hmph!”

“...That still counts as a response.”

That earned a pillow to the face for the second time that day.

Tiana stepped out of the complex first, clutching her coat to her chest. Her hands were gloved with wool, and her nose was tucked into her scarf. She stepped down the stairs into a fresh bed of snow, the element crunching under her boots. She took in the scenery, the sun beams pinching at her cheeks and the quiet wind bushing against her ears. And for a moment, everything was alright, until she noticed a man shoveling at the snow around the buildings. Her heart sank. She had been so preoccupied by Nanami, that her ring had slipped her mind.

Naveen’s ring had somehow, by some act of God, slipped her mind.

Might be a good thing, that voice said again, and she shook her head. No, it was a bad thing. A terrible thing. It was one of her only physical connections to him. How could she let something that she’d been so attached to, so dependent on, be lost and forgotten like that?

Taking a sharp inhale, she walked towards the man, who was in a black sweatsuit and a black cap. She had seen him a few times around the property from a distance, and came to the conclusion he was the groundskeeper. She never got to know his name, though.

“Hey…” Tiana’s voice came out small as she got closer to the man; he towered over her. Tiana was not a short woman, and the boots she wore had a slight heel on them, yet this burly dude who’s physique seemed to poke through his clothes could easily overtake her. His biceps were as big as her thighs, and his thighs were as wide as her head.

The man halted his shoveling, turning to glare down at the woman. A few strands of black hair peaked underneath his cap, and his eyes were as blue and mysterious as the depths of the arctic. He had a nasty scar on the side of his mouth, and Tiana hated to prejudge since she’s been subject to that a lot since she has been here, but he looked like an absolute ruffian. He may be the groundskeeper by day, but he could be a purse snatcher after hours. Tiana rocked on her feet, nervous.

“Hi, um, I’m sorry to bother you-” Tiana rambled, unable to return the man's intense stare. “I know you’re really busy, but I dropped something very important, very sentimental to me. A ring.” Tiana said, using her hands to speak. “It’s a silver band. I dropped it out here a few days ago…so if you find it, could you please return it to me?” Tiana peaked up at him, only to immediately look back into the snow as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “I’d, uh, really appreciate that.”

Tiana looked up, her lips skewed to the side, awaiting the man’s response. He looked at her for a moment, then nodded, returning his attention back to the snow.

“Haha, great!” Tiana said awkwardly, backing up. “Thanks again, I really appreciate it.” Tiana said, giving a thumbs up, but the man paid her no mind. Tiana turned quickly, smacking herself in the forehead as she walked towards Nanami, who had just stepped downstairs.

Nanami, who had been watching the exchange from afar, raised a brow as Tiana walked up to him. “What did you want with him?” He asked, looking back at the man.

Tiana looked at Nanami to answer, then remembered she was supposed to be giving him the silent treatment. She simply folded her arms, turning away from him with her nose in the air.

“Hmm…”

“Oh, come on.” Nanami chuckled, wisps of white leaving his lips. “You can’t still be mad.”

Tiana ignored him, instinctually walking towards Nanami’s car, but Nanami grabbed her wrist, tugging her the opposite way.

“We’re actually walking this time.” He said, pointing towards the gate. Tiana let Nanami pull her in silence.

As Nanami began walking the trail to the gate, his mind wandered back to Tiana talking to the man, and how reluctant she was about telling him about it. His lips pursed, only one thought crossing his mind.

Was that the type of guys Tiana was into?

The two walked in silence, Nanami with a warm grip on Tiana’s wrist, the leather squeaking. The two ended up at a bus terminal not too far away, Tiana had passed it during her routes quite a few times on her little trips. She looked at Nanami, curiosity taking over her as they walked into the building.

“Where are we going?” She asked. Nanami looked down with a glint in his eyes.

“Oh, now you’re talking to me?” He says, and Tiana’s nose scrunches, the way that it does when she’s about to say something witty.

“Just in case this turns into a slasher film. I gotta be prepared.” Tiana shrugged. Nanami chuckled.

“I promise, I won’t hurt you.”

Tiana raised a brow, scoffing. “Who said you’d be the one doing the hurting?”

Tiana had never been into the bus terminal, because she never really needed to go in there. It was like a smaller version of an airport, and definitely not like the bus stops back home. Nanami led the way, scanning his phone at the ticket booths with ease. Tiana just took notes, watching the people bustling about traveling for the new year with duffels and suitcases. It was so lively.

Nanami led the way on the bus as well, scanning his phone, and pulling Tiana towards the seats located in the center of the vehicle. He let go of her wrist, letting Tiana sit on the inside, and he sat on the outside, their shoulders touching as they squeezed together.

After a few more passengers got on the bus and settled, the vehicle moved forward towards their mysterious destination.

Tiana watched the scenery change from a bustling city with tall buildings, to curvy roads and jagged mountain ranges with salted tops. She pressed against the window, watching hordes of trees whiz by, and a few barren branches. The clouds in the sky swelled in gray lumps, but other than that it was very bright out. Tiana felt her ears popping due to the pressure and elevation change. She tapped her feet on the floor of the bus, turning back to Nanami who looked at her with wonder.

“Where are we?” She smiled, eyes shimmering. Nanami simply laughed, looking out the window himself.

“You’ll see.”

The ride was about an hour long, and when they stepped off the bus, Tiana read the sign on the red brick building. It said Zao Bus Terminal, obviously quite some ways from Yamagata. Tiana sniffed the air, a scent of sulfur mixing in with the scent of fresh snow. They seemed to be surrounded by hills, as if they were in a huge bowl. There were shopping centers and stalls, a few restaurants, and a road paired with a sidewalk that went uphill. Nanami grabbed Tiana’s hand, pulling her along the slanted road.

“Come on, birthday girl.”

Fingers knitted together like twine, it felt as if a fire were swelling in their palms. Tiana just followed his lead, face tucked into her scarf so Nanami wouldn’t turn around and see the goofy smile she was sporting. But Nanami himself refused to turn around, because he was wearing the same one.

Nanami pulled her into a nearby store, and when Tiana saw the products, she realized what was happening.

“No way.” She said, looking around to see the abundance of snow gear: snowboards, skiing poles, snow boots, goggles, the whole nine. There were also a few souvenir items, like snow globes and dog tags, but they obviously didn't come all this way for a damn keychain.

“Way.” Nanami beamed, walking straight to the counter, Tiana still in hand.

Tiana had never been skiing before. Yeah, she’s played in the muddy snow, making tanned snowmen and having a snowball fight or two with Lottie. She’d been ice skating once, but got her fingers run over and swore she would never subject herself to that type of pain again, fearing the next time her fingers would get sliced off. She could just picture Nanami laughing at her as she got a face full of snow.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you.” Tiana mumbled, her cheeks burning as they treaded up the beginner slope. She had traded her heeled boots for some more appropriate shoes. Nanami helped her strap into the skis, and he decided to choose a snowboard. Their hoods were up, the wind whipping wildly the higher in altitude they got. “You just wanted to laugh at me.”

“What, me?” Nanami feigned being offended, mouth gaped open. “Never.”

“Don’t think you’re hot stuff…” Tiana grumbled, her legs wobbling like a newborn deer. “I’m a quick learner.” As she was ending her sentence, she slipped forward slightly, Nanami catching her at the waist before she planted face first into the snow. That action alone took away from her credibility, and Tiana gritted her teeth as she mentally smacked herself.

Nanami chuckled, pulling her upwards, putting his hand on the small of her back to guide her.

“I believe you.”

Tiana grew up by water, the liquified version of snow. She was a swimmer by heart, and had great sea legs on a boat. Tiana learned, very quickly, that those sea legs meant nothing to this harsh terrain. The snowy hills could careless about her water expertise.

“You almost had it!” Nanami called from the base of the slope. “You gotta bend your knees!”

The sun was peeking behind one the mountains in the distance and the slope lights had turned on, causing the snow to flashback into her eyes. Her body was covered in flurries and wet patches from falling again, and again, and again. But she kept getting up, and kept trying, because Nanami kept encouraging her. Honestly, if it weren’t for Nanami being there, Tiana would have simply rolled down the hill, and all the way to the bus terminal. But each time Tiana fell, Nanami would be there to pull her up with gentle praises. Soon, falling actually became fun, because Nanami was there, waiting earnestly to catch her.

Tiana huffed, positioned herself at the top of the slope. It wasn't steep in the slightest, but she was yet to clear it all the way to the bottom. Nanami slid down easily, and Tiana knew this was something he had done habitually.

“Okay…” Tiana’s voice whisks into the air, looking down at Nanami who was waving his arms in the distance. “I can do this. I can do this.” She chanted, trying to gain confidence before pushing off, and sliding down the slope.

She inched down at a snail's pace, but it was the only amount of momentum that she could control right now. She went over Nanami’s instructions, applying and correcting her body. 

Be calm, she thought. Square your shoulders, angled toes, lean…

Tiana curved down the slope successfully, feeling herself grow giddy. She repeats the same motion again, curving the other way. She straightens her skis, sliding down the slope, growing more and more proud.

“Look, look, look!” Tiana called, her voice carrying down the hill. “I’m doing it! I’m- woah!” Tiana hit a sharp turn on her skis, steadying herself with her poles. Nanami laughed, watching her with cautious eyes.

“Careful!” He called, watching her pick up speed, sliding towards him. “Look! You’re a natural.” He beamed.

“I got it!” Tiana yelled, curving down the hill, her knees shaking from excitement. “I got it! I-”

Her left ski gets caught underneath the right one, and she tumbles forward, rolling down the rest of the slope, nothing but darkness as she squeezed her eyes to block out the cold, wet snow.

“Woah-!” She hears Nanami yelp before she clips him up, the two falling like bowling pins into the snow. Tiana lays there, her limbs entangled with Nanami’s, staring up at the midnight sky.

“Pft-” She snickers, spiraling into laughter as her blood rushes into her ears. Nanami, who was laying across her stomach, raised his head from the snow, his face covered in white. It was in his coat hood, and the flurries were caught in his brows and lashes. He laughed, rolling off Tiana, and standing up. Tiana immediately lifted her arm, Nanami pulling her with ease.

“I…didn’t have it.” Tiana giggles, dusting herself off.

“You did pretty good for your first time.” Nanami chuckled, snowboard in hand. He grabbed the poles that had scattered to the ground, tucking the rentals under his arm, and he used his free hand to grab Tiana’s, their fingers nestling into each other as if they were made to fit that way.

As the two trudged through the snow, Tiana looked around, noticing the illuminated snowy lumps. Before, she hadn’t paid much attention to them, because she was too busy eating snow through her nose. But as the sun dipped below the horizon, mixed with the lights brightening the path, the lumps looked like creatures prowling in the dark.

“That’s so cool…” Tiana muttered, careful with her steps as she glided along.

“Pretty isn’t it?” Nanami asked, looking into the distance. “They’re known as the resident snow monsters. They get a bit bigger in February, though.”

“We’ve gotta come back, then.” Tiana said, determined. “I can’t be stuck on the bunny hill my entire life.”

Nanami decided to push his luck.

“It’s a date, then.”

Tiana almost tripped over her skis again, her eyes wide. Maybe snow had gotten in her ears.

“A date?” She asked for clarification. Nanami turned around, the tip of his nose red, with an anxious expression as if he had something he shouldn’t have.

“Is that alright?” He mutters, halting his steps. Tiana stands there with wide eyes, unable to go forward or backwards, simply at a standstill. Nanami swears that he can see the entire sky shining in those eyes, they way they glimmered in the dark. She nods her head gently, her free hand over her heart.

“That’s fine.” She responds.

Nanami had never wanted February to come so fast.

After returning the rentals, Nanami took Tiana from shop to shop around the prefecture. It started off as just window shopping until Tiana’s eyes began to sparkle, a beautiful green winter coat catching her eye in a store's display. It didn’t look much different from the one she had on now, except it had fur as the trim, but Nanami had learned that Tiana loved anything green. Well, besides frogs, anyway.

“Do you want it?” Nanami asked as the orange lights shone on them. Tiana rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, chewing on her lip.

“I don’t know…” Tiana said. “You’ve paid for so much today already.”

“But it’s your birthday.” Nanami emphasized.

“It was my birthday.” Tiana corrected him. “I don’t want to seem greedy, I’ve had a lot of fun today. The best birthday I’ve had in a long time.” She gave him a wide smile. Tiana’s past five birthdays had been unbearable, even with Lottie around to cheer her up. But Nanami made it one that she wouldn’t forget for years to come.

“Well the fun doesn’t have to end here.” Nanami shrugged. “Come on, think of it as an apology for this morning.” He said, referring to his little “prank”. Tiana hummed in thought, her eyes squinting at him.

“I don’t know…” Tiana muttered, and Nanami sighed dramatically. 

“That’s a shame…” He said, digging into his pocket. He then pulled out an obsidian colored card between his index and pointer, the surface glinting in the light. “I’ve been wanting to break this in.”

Tiana’s jaw dropped, her eyebrows arched all the way to her hairline.

“Is that…a black card?” Tiana gaped. Nanami flipped the card over a few times, smiling deviously.

“Came with the promotion.” He said proudly, flashing his teeth.

Tiana was thoroughly impressed. Nanami wasn’t one to gloat or brag, she knew he was simply sharing his success with her, and she was genuinely proud. Nanami was reaching heights that he’d been working so long for, and the fact that he wanted to use his newfound wealth on Tiana first instead of himself made her feel guilty, considering she didn’t even celebrate with him properly.

“Maybe…” Tiana eyed the card, a sly smile appearing on her face as she help up her pointer finger. “Maybe just one thing…” Nanami simply tilted his head.

“Just one?” He egged her on, and Tiana laughed, folding her arms.

“How about this?” She proposed. “I buy something, you buy something. That way we can celebrate each other.”

Nanami tapped the card on his chin, staring up at the sky as if he were seriously contemplating it.

“That’s not a bad proposition, very business-like.” He said, turning back to the coat in the window. “So, what do you say?”

Tiana turned to the window, but instead of focusing on the garment, she saw another woman. A bright-eyed woman, covered in snow, looking as if she were having the time of her life. The face of a woman who didn’t want tomorrow to come at all.

Tiana had seen a black card once before, the object belonging to Naveen. He always tried to get her to have her way with the card, and she would always decline. She felt as if she were undeserving, or that she would become spoiled and lose her work ethics. At the end of the day, she didn’t want to owe him.

But right now, she owes it to herself. She owes it to the woman smiling back at her in the window. She said she would indulge in this, and dammit, she was going to have a good time doing it. This was her day. This was her moment. Their moment. She exhales sharply, raising her gloved hand tapping her finger on the window.

“Charge it.”

Tiana didn’t think the night could get more entertaining, but Nanami proved her wrong. They took turns, traveling the streets of Zao jumping from shop to shop, trying on clothes, trying steaming street foods, or checking out smaller souvenir shops. Since Tiana purchased a coat, Nanami decided to buy a statuette for Tiana’s living room. Tiana tried to say it didn’t count, but Nanami told her that she didn’t specify that the purchase must be made solely for the buyer.

The two laughed until their stomachs hurt, and walked until their soles cramped. Everything felt so light and airy, as if the two were levitating an inch above the ground. They finally got to the last shop on the strip, a souvenir store, Tiana wanting to stop and buy a few things to commemorate the moment.

“We’ll be back in February.” Nanami said, watching as she picked up t-shirts and pressed them to her chest to see how they looked.

“I know, but I want to remember right now.” Tiana responded, picking up the dark green one Nanami knew she was going to get anyway. Laughing through his nose, Nanami walks to the shirts, picking out one for himself too.

“You’re right.” He says not wanting to jinx himself, and Tiana rebuttals with a quick “I always am”.

Nanami checks his phone, the time nearing 10pm. He walks to Tiana, her back towards him as she looks for a cute keychain. He places his hand on the small of Tiana’s back, causing her to jolt. He leans down slightly, his lips a few inches from her ear.

“It’s getting kind of late.” He says gently. “If we want to catch the bus back, we’ll have to leave now.” He offers. “Or, we can stay the night. It’s your choice.”

Tiana clutched the shirt in her hands. The air about them seemed much different than usual, a lot thicker. Maybe it was his hand gently holding her, or their proximity, Tiana’s brain short circuited for a moment.

Was this alright?

Was this going too far?

Tiana had second thoughts at first, a strange sense of intuition telling her that leaving right now at this very moment would save her from their impending doom. But she brushed it off as quickly as it came.

It’s not like they would be doing something raunchy, they would simply stay the night. It didn’t mean anything, it didn’t have to mean anything. It was only wrong if Tiana thought of it that way. They were adults. Tiana smiles, but her eyebrows were furrowed a bit.

“The fun doesn’t have to end here, right?”

The two sat in the back of a cab that was to take them to the place they were staying that night. Nanami was able to rent it immediately even on such short notice, almost as if they were awaiting his call. They eased past cute little cabins and frosted trees, but Tiana couldn’t even focus on that. She kept tapping her feet, nerves shot as her mind raced with a billion different things.

Nanami wasn’t expecting something from her tonight, was he?

No, of course not! He wasn’t that kind of man. He’s kind…

Maybe a bit too kind…

Does a kind person kiss one woman one day then spend the night with another the next?

Is he actually a womanizer?

What am I doing?

I don’t think I’m ready-

“We’re here.” Nanami said getting out of the cab. He goes to the trunk, grabbing the few shopping bags that they had. Tiana, snatched out of her train of thought, fumbled with her seatbelt before it finally released, and she exited the car.

Nanami, with bags in one hand, walked up the stoned pathway, Tiana trailing behind as quiet as a mouse as she fiddled with a loose string on her glove. Nanami reached into a fake potted plant next to the door, picking up a silver key. He inserted it into the lock, and turned it, the door popping open with a long creak. Nanami enters, flipping on the lights by the door. The entire place illuminates with a warm yellow glow, revealing an adorable wooden lodging with couches surrounding a dark fireplace. The logs that made up the house were smooth and light, opposing the dark leather furniture that was decorated with pillows and blankets. There was a small table in the middle of the couches, and not too far from the fireplace was a record player and a stack of vinyl. There was a small kitchenette, but they wouldn't be using it because they brought food with them. There was also a narrow hallway that had three closed doors.

“Laundry room is the first door on the left, and your room is right next to it. Mine is on the right.” Nanami said, wiggling out of his shoes. Tiana released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, relief flooding her body. She knew Nanami didn’t oppose sleeping on the couch, considering he slept on her for almost two days, but the fact that there were two rooms and not one made her feel a lot more comfortable.

“Kk.” Tiana says, grabbing the bags that were her. She felt so stiff as she bent down, as if she had become a doll. Why was she feeling this way now? After all the fun that she had, why did she have to ruin it?

“Are you okay?” Nanami calls after Tiana, who he had noticed had gone a bit quiet. Tiana looks up, about to say she was fine, but she couldn’t lie to Nanami, not when he looked at her with those soft brown eyes. He looked so concerned, and guilt began to eat at her. Because at the end of the day, Nanami had done all this for her, and she felt like she was throwing it back in his face because she couldn’t keep her mood in check. Because she couldn’t keep her feelings in check.

“I…I want to talk to you…” Tiana said, a bit uneasily. “About something important.”

She had to be honest with him, and this was the first step.

Nanami, sensing how serious she was, nodded his head.

“All right. Let’s get settled and talk over dinner.”

Tiana showered quickly, putting on her souvenir shirt and a pair of random basketball style shorts she bought, psyching herself up. She knew she wanted to talk to him, but she couldn’t pinpoint where she wanted to start. She didn’t want to dive too deep into her own feelings, because she wasn’t ready to take that leap of faith just yet. She didn’t want to talk about Misha, because that would lead right back to point a, in addition to leaving a sour taste in her mouth. But since they were being open on this trip, and it was just the two of them, then she would have to seize this opportunity. Airing everything out before they got back, getting a clear understanding of each other. Maybe drawing a more defined line, or erasing one. Tiana wasn’t sure, but she knew tonight would have to be a step forward for her. For them.

She scratches her ring finger, picking up her clothes from today, and taking them to the laundry room. After putting them in the machine, she goes to the living room to see a few takeout containers on the coffee table, and Nanami lighting the fireplace. A bright orange blaze crackles to life, and Nanami pokes it with the iron poker, adjusting the logs. He looked deep in thought, as if he were contemplating something. He was also wearing his souvenir shirt, and a long pair of sweatpants.

He turns to the table, sitting crisscrossed, finally noticing Tiana’s presence. He smiles gently, motioning for her to have a seat.

“Hope you’re still hungry, at least.”

The two eat in silence, neither wanting to burst the bubble of silence. Both were anxious of what the other would say, and how the other would react. How they themselves would react to what they hear, if it was something they wanted to hear in the first place. So Nanami decided to take the first step, opening the floor for Tiana who could barely eat with her utensils. She was shaking so bad that her food kept falling off just inches from her mouth.

“What did you want to talk about?” Nanami asked gently. Tiana could barely chew her food because he jaw was so tight, simply just swallowing it whole. She cleared her throat, trying to work up the nerve.

“I, um…” Tiana started, looking up at Nanami who had a troubled expression in his eyes. And just like that, Tiana faltered.

“I lied…” Tiana muttered. Nanami’s brows creased, and he leaned in.

“You lied?” He asks, still concerned. “About what?”

“I, um…I actually can dance…” Tiana stalled. Nanami just blinked at her, not really understanding.

“What?”

“The night of the gala,” Tiana’s memories became vivid as she spoke, “When you asked me to dance, I said I had two left feet. I lied.”

Nanami didn’t look convinced, his lips still downturned slightly. “Are you sure that’s what you wanted to talk about?” He encourages her, but Tiana can’t do anything but shrug.

Nanami sighs, dropping his chopsticks, but he doesn't look mad at all. 

“Tiana-”

“It’s just-” Tiana rushed out, rambling as she got close to the problem, but not actually touching the root of it. “There were so many people, and I got nervous…but I really wanted to celebrate with you, I just…I couldn’t.” Tiana felt herself getting worked up, the emotions from that night beginning to overwhelm her. “I’m sorry…I just…I don’t know.”

Nanami’s face had softened from anxious to one of empathy, as if he understood Tiana’s incoherent string of thoughts. As if he didn’t need her to finish, he already fully comprehended her before she spoke.

“Tiana, I should be the one apologizing.” Nanami’s voice caresses her ears, his tone soothing. “For more things than one, really.”

“I should have been more considerate of you. That is not your fault. Your comfort is much more important than any award to me. I got carried away, I should have made sure you were okay with that first.”

Tiana let out out a shaky breath, a bit of the weight lifted off her spirit. She let out a dry laugh, tilting her head as tears collected on her waterline.

“I still feel awful though. Especially after all this…” Tiana motioned around her, acknowledging the beautiful cabin. “You always go out of your way for me, and I can’t even give you a dance.”

The two sit in silence, the fire popping in hearth.

“What about now?” Nanami punctures the silence once more. Tiana looks at him, confused.

“What?”

Nanami gets up, walking towards the vinyl player, thumbing through the selection. He picks one, sliding it out of its casing, and placing the black object onto the platter. He picks up the tone arm, gently placing the stylus on the oversized disk, and switches it on. The sound is distorted momentarily, before a beautiful, swing melody blares from the speakers. 

“There’s no one here now, so…” He walks toward Tiana, his hand outstretched as he waits patiently. His eyes were dewy, cheeks tinged pink as he stood there.

Tiana looked at his hand, to Nanami, to his hand again, then settled on Nanami again. She wipes at her eyes with the back of her arm, a painful smile on her face. She just couldn’t deny him.

“You’re so soft.” She jeers, taking his hand. He pulls her up gently, mirroring her expression.

“Then what does that make you?” He asks softly, and Tiana knows her answer immediately.

“A fool.”

The two dance to each song, getting lost in the intricate rhythms as they move to the beat of their own hearts. Tiana showed Nanami a few steps: the charleston, the twist, basic little party steps that she picked up growing up in the south. Though Nanami dusted Tiana in the snow, Tiana definitely beat him here. Nanami wasn’t the most coordinated when it came to expressing himself through type of movement, and Tiana felt her inhibitions melt away with each howl and roar. Nanami didn’t care if he ended up being the butt of the joke, he was just happy that Tiana was unwinding again.

The fourth track on the vinyl ended, leaving the two breathless and slightly sweaty as they laughed. Tiana clutched her stomach, her laughter settling into staggered giggles, until a melody all too familiar began to play, the blues piece causing the boiling temperature around the room to convert to a simmer. 

Look at me.

Tiana screeched to a halt, freezing as the singer sang the song. The same song she danced to with her father in the kitchen. The same song that just so happened to be her and Naveen’s first dance.

The same song Tiana heard before watching Nanami kiss another woman.

Each memory attached to this song was so painful, so lucid, so graphic that it evoked a physical reaction out of her, which is why she stayed as far away from it as possible.

I’m as helpless as a kitten up a tree.

And it feels like I’m clinging to a cloud.

Nanami tugged at Tiana’s hands that were hugging her waist, clasping them into his own, Tiana’s stomach dropping as his was filled with butterflies.

I can’t understand.

I get misty just holding your hand.

Tiana follows Nanami’s commands mindlessly, dropping her hand on his shoulder as his hand goes to her waist, in a polite manner. Nanami squeezes her hand, where they were still joined, closing the space. Chest to chest, their hearts picking the pace at which they moves. His head on her right side, and her face on his left, unable to read each other’s faces, simply trying to communicate with their bodies since words seemed to fail. 

Walk my way.

And a thousand violins begin to play.

The two swayed to the song, the soft snares ricocheting in the souls of their feet. Nanami, too shy to speak, squeezed Tiana’s hand again.

Or it might be the sound of your hello.

That music I hear.

I get misty whenever you’re near.

Tiana felt as if she were going to black out, and she squeezed Nanami’s shoulder, which he would have mistaken as reassurance if her nails weren't digging into his skin so harshly. He pulled away, looking into Tiana’s eyes, which seemed dilated, as if she were seeing something that he couldn’t.

“Tiana?” He asks, but she doesn’t respond.

Can’t you see that you’re leading me on.

But it’s just what I want you to do.

He grabs her chin, tilting her head up, searching for something as she stares blankly into nothing. To Nanami, it looked as if she were looking straight through him, when in Tiana’s eyes, phantoms kept appearing where Nanami should be. Shadows of her past, visions of despair, hallucinations that deprived her.

Don’t you notice how hopelessly I’m lost?

That’s why I’m following you.

“Tiana?” Nanami calls again much more urgently, grabbing her face, forcing her to look at him. As if something in her brain had clicked, her eyes watered profusely, Nanami finally in her sights. She shudders, her body jumpstarting as she gasps. She blinks for the first time in a minute, the tears sliding down Nanami’s hand.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Tiana said, shaking her head. “Can you…can you turn that off, please?”

Nanami obliges, quickly pulling away, and snatching the stylus off the record, the sound scratching so hard that Tiana cringes, covering her ears. Not just from that, but can hear them. She could hear her father's low chuckles. She could hear Naveen's laughter being carried away with the melody.

She could hear Nanami call out Misha's name so affectionately.

Nanami wants to choke himself, hands clenched as he is unable to face Tiana. He had gone way too far this time. He had definitely crossed the line. Tiana clearly was not ready.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I got carried away…”

“No, it’s not that-” Tiana shakes her hands, the nerves expelling from her fingers as she paces around the living room. Then her mouth exploded like an overflowing dam, the pressure releasing and dropping a bomb on their entire night. “I saw you. I saw you kiss Misha.”

Nanami whips around, confused at first, Tiana’s words throwing him for a loop. But Nanami then realizes that he had rewritten the kiss so many times in his brain, dreamt about so many different scenarios, that he really began to believe that the moment was shared with Tiana instead. He forgot that Misha was the one to defile his mouth, instead of Tiana blessing it. He had tricked himself.

Nanami began to spiral, putting the pieces together. That’s why she ran out on him. That’s why she wouldn’t answer him. That’s why she was so hesitant with him at first, their relationship feeling as if it had been set back to that dry car ride in July. If he put himself in Tiana’s shoes, seeing someone share such intimacy with one person one day, then seeing them turn around trying to serenade someone else was a complete dick move. He didn’t know how to properly clear up the situation, so he stupidly said the first thing that came to mind in a panic.

“It wasn’t like that.”

Tiana stopped, her arms flopping uselessly at her side as she looked at him in disbelief.

“So you two weren’t swapping spit in the dark?” She laughed sarcastically, feeling herself grown more upset the more she thought about it. It was not supposed to come out this way, but since they were already here, she might as well.

Nanami felt himself get defensive. “She kissed me, she was drunk-”

“Oh, yeah, she was drunk.” Tiana cut in while using air quotations, nodding her head aggressively. “Because fruit ciders really do you in.”

“I know you don’t like her, but at least believe me.” Nanami felt his voice pitch, because that was a lot for him to ask, considering their circumstances. “Trust me, at least.”

“It’s not about me liking her!” Tiana yelled. “You know why? Because she’s been a shit person, you don’t even know the half of it-”

“I’m trying to know!” Nanami yelled back, his composure deteriorating, but he was so frustrated. “I don’t understand, I thought you two were friends-!”

“We’re not!” Tiana shrieks, her voice echoing around the room. “Everyone only thinks that because she’s playing in my face, and I don’t like that.” Tiana’s voice levels as her frown deepens, her nose upturned so high she could probably smell the stars. “I don’t like that, and I don’t like her.”

Nanami could not understand why Misha pushed Tiana’s buttons so badly. He couldn’t understand why there was so much static between the two, even after they made up.

Unless…

“Are you sure that’s the reason you don’t like her?”

Nanami must have hit a nerve, because Tiana’s eyes became saucers. Regaining her anger, she shakes her head in disdain, her voice low and threatening.

“Nanami,” She says, her nostrils flaring, “Do not test me. Not tonight. It's not funny.” She puts her palm on her forehead, turning around to walk towards her room. “Let’s just go to bed.”

“Now you want to go to bed?” Nanami followed behind her, right on her heels. “You said that you wanted to talk about something important.” He cut around the couch to beat her to the hallway, blocking her path. “If it’s bothering you that much, then we should talk about it.”

“I don’t want to anymore.” Tiana snapped, waving her hand in the air dismissively. “Just drop it.”

Nanami ran a hand through his hair, the strands flopping back into place. “Tiana, I hate pushing you-”

“Why?” Tiana scoffs, butting in again. “You think I can’t handle it? You think I’m fragile?” Tiana was projecting her own interpretation of herself onto Nanami, and he could feel himself slowly losing it.

“No, it’s just I hate when you do this!” His voice was in the tone of a whisper, but still holding the same passion as his neck strained. “I just want you to talk to me! You don’t ever have to handle anything alone. Just talk to me! I'm right here!”

Tiana wiped at her face, angry tears rushing out now. She couldn’t believe how shit everything had turned. The veil had been lifted, the clock had struck midnight, and carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

“It won’t make any sense…” She said, irises swimming as she looked everywhere but at Nanami. Nanami put his hands up, pleading with Tiana at this point.

“Tiana, when have we ever made sense?”

“Kento, please-”

“You tell me almost everything!” Nanami got a bit closer to Tiana, trying to make eye contact with her, but she refused. “I understand there are some things that are too close to home, but Misha- every time she’s brought up you shut down on me without any explanation-”

“Because!” Tiana’s voice peaks again, seething now as she shares the information that had been weighing on her heavily for a while now. “Because I’ve known how she’s felt about you for weeks now. Weeks!” Tiana shouts, jabbing her pointer finger at the ground. “And after knowing that, it made me realize how unfair I am to you.”

The house grows still, the sound of the record spinning on the turntable, and the hiss of the fire that made the room a blistering temperature now. Emotions were high, and Tiana found herself vomiting the truth that had been gnawing at her insides.

“You make me so happy, Nanami.” Tiana admits, tears pouring from her eyes so horrendously that she couldn’t even see the face he was making. Honestly, she didn’t want to see it, just in case her heart was ripped out and stomped on. “You…I can’t even properly voice how you make me feel, because I’m scared. I’m scared because I can’t promise you anything beyond this.”

Nanami stands there, breathless, watching Tiana crumble before him. This isn’t what he wanted. This is not how the day was supposed to go.

“This?” Nanami mumbled, and Tiana felt like he was being clueless on purpose.

“This, Nanami!” She pointed in between themselves. “Beyond us. Beyond where we are right now. It’s selfish of me, but I just can’t do it. My heart can’t take it. Misha she-” Tiana’s words are interrupted by a sob, because she just can’t say that part. She can’t admit that Misha is there for him, ready to be swept off her feet while Tiana was still wallowing in her misery. She couldn’t admit it out loud, because then it would become fact, no longer a figment of her imagination. “I can’t watch you go. But I have no right to make you stay.”

Nanami seemed to forget what oxygen was as he listened to her words. Tiana said that she couldn’t bear to watch him go. She couldn’t stand the thought of Nanami turning away. But that second line, that second sentence irritated the fuck Nanami. Because who said that Nanami was being forced to stay? Why did Tiana make it seem as if Nanami was doing this against his will?

He wanted to stay. He wanted that more than anything. And even though Tiana had a roundabout way of saying it, she wanted him just as badly too. She just wasn’t confident yet, and Nanami would do anything right now to reassure her.

That look.

Tiana knew that look.

It was the same look her secret prom date in high-school had when he saw her in her dress.

It was the same look Naveen had when he would come visit her during work, watching her from afar.

Buttery eyes, slanted low. Gaping lips, stammering to find the right words. Knitted brows, twitching hands.

Don’t do it, Nanami.

“Tiana, I-”

“Nanami.” She stopped him so quickly that she barely heard her own name. “Nanami, don’t you dare.” She became hostile, her eyes glowering at him as she looked up. Nanami gave a single laugh, looking around the house as if to find the joke.

“If you know what I’m going to say, then dammit-”

“Nope!” Tiana yelled, covering her ears like a child throwing a tantrum. She couldn’t do this. Not tonight. Not like this. “Nope, nope, nope, lalalala-!” She began walking back to the living trying to put as much distance between them as possible. Anything to avoid that phrase. Anything to avoid those three words.

“Tiana,” Nanami was absolutely stupefied. He grabbed her wrists, pulling them from her ears as he pulled her closer, but she still refused to look at him. “Tiana-”

“Nanami, please.” She said looking down. Her hands were in fists as tears splattered on the wood by his feet. She sounded so weak, so defeated. “Please don’t do this to me.”

“Tiana.” Nanami pleaded, wanting her to look at him so badly, to at least let him see her face. “Tiana, I swear I don’t mean to overwhelm you-”

“Then stop talking.” She seethed. Nanami bites his tongue, letting go of Tiana, who immediately went to hug herself, clutching at the sides of her shirt.

But even so, Nanami couldn’t let things end like this.

“You don’t ever have to choose me.” Nanami said, clutching his chest as sorrow seemed to pour out of him. God, it hurt, it hurt so bad, but at least he was feeling something. Because that meant that it was real. “You don’t ever have to choose me, because I already chose you.”

She had to feel something. Nanami just knew it.

“Nanami…” Tiana’s voice cracked, and all she could do was shake her head. She couldn’t do this right now.

And by the looks of it, maybe not ever.

This was a mistake, a pretty one too. She fell so hard for the spell that casted on herself, that it ended up being a poison.

Indulge in it? What a fucking joke.

“You’re not being fair.” She finally said, looking at the ground.

“When have we ever been fair to each other? You said it yourself- when has love ever been fair?”

“Don’t say that.”

“You once said,” Nanami took his palms, gently grabbing her face so that she could see him. So that she could see how serious he was, how much she really meant to him. “There's nothing more endlessly beautiful, yet endlessly terrifying than loving someone.”

Tiana’s face looked crestfallen with each word he spoke. How could he use those words against her?

“And falling for you has been the most beautiful, yet petrifying experience,” Nanami laughed, because there was so much irony in his words, but it was the truth. And he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. If he was going to hurt, then he didn't mind it being at her hand.

“I can’t say that I know exactly what you’ve gone through, I can’t completely share your pain when it comes to that.” One of his hands went to move a curl out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear, and Tiana shuddered. 

“But I can share that fear. The fear of loving someone so deeply that you’re terrified you’ll lose them. And losing yourself to them so much so that you’re terrified you won’t be able to love again. I get that. I get you.”

Nanami wasn’t sure if he was making any sense right now, he just wanted Tiana to stay, and he wanted Tiana to know that he wanted to stay. He was willing to lose everything, willing to even lose his soul if it meant she would open up to him and share that piece of herself.

“Let’s conquer that fear. Together.”

Tiana’s eyes brightened momentarily, her lips twitching, eyes searching as she really pondered her next set of words. But then dulled just as quickly, lips stitched as she closes her eyes. She pulled herself free of his grasp, unable to bear the weight of it all. She was too hollow, and she was convinced that no amount of love Nanami poured into her would fill her up, nor would she ever be able to return a fraction of that. She would just drain him.

She would have swallowed up another star.

She would have destroyed another sun.

This is the best thing that she could do for him.

“I can’t, Nanami.” Her voice cracks as she avoids his loving gaze, one that she had been ignoring for so long, excusing it as something else.

“Maybe you should find someone who you aren’t afraid to love. I've been there...it doesn't end happily."

Nanami stood there, the air knocked out of his chest, his stomach feeling as if it had filled with cement.

She didn’t think that. There’s no way she really feels that way.

She didn't mean it.

“Tiana-”

“I’m sorry for even bringing this up.” She feigns a smile. “Thank you for the trip, but maybe you should…save something like this for Misha. She'd...probably appreciate it more."

The lies felt like burnt bile leaving Tiana’s own mouth, but she had to say it. Misha, even if she was a shit person to her, would treat Nanami the way that he deserved. Nanami wouldn’t have to patch her up, or deal with Misha figuring out how to start her life all over.

It was better this way.

“At least look at me if you’re going to say something so ridiculous.” Nanami spoke with hostility. He just couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. “So that I know that you mean it.”

Tiana frowns, squeezing her eyes shut. She tries to harden her heart, giving Nanami the most resentful expression possible. Her deepest frown to deter him, her sharpest eyes to cut him. But all Nanami see’s is a woman who refused to be honest with herself and listen to her own heart. He didn't believe her for a moment.

“I mean it.”

Tiana sobbed into her pillow uncontrollably. She had lost him. Though it was on her own accord, and Misha didn’t steal him, it was agonizing just. She willingly gave up on him, instead of watching him fall for someone else because at least then she had a bit of control in that.

But in the end, she still lost. If you forfeit, that doesn’t mean you’ve won. It just meant that you were too much of a coward to put up an actual fight. If you forfeit, you’re simply feigning the power you wish you had to prevail. Because at least if you lose, that means you tried.

But Tiana was right about one thing to be prepared tonight. She was definitely the one who had done the hurting, and the person she hurt most was herself.

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʟɪꜱᴛ

[buc-eebarnes]

could we get a “pressing a kiss to the other’s forehead as they sleep” with mayor damien and the da?

hello anon! thank you for your request! this is the second of the damien x da double feature, the first of which is this fic: fill my lungs, fill my head

from this prompt list. requests are closed at this time.

with sweetness, with you

pairing: damien x the district attorney

tags: forehead kisses, literal sleeping together, established relationship, secret relationship, damien-centric

rated T || 1080 words || read on ao3!

Damien wakes to a lightning storm thrashing outside the window.

His eyes blink lazily, but the noise doesn’t bother him in the least. He welcomes rainy days—there’s always been something so calming about the pitter-patter of it, the coziness that blankets the city after a dry spell.

He looks down at where he’s curled around his district attorney, sleeping soundly in his arms. Their ages-old face always looked so young whenever they rested. Damien thinks it’s the only time that they can really, truly let go of all their troubles, of their burdens.

Thunder rumbles again. The attorney shifts slightly, but not enough to wake. Damien rests his cheek on top of their head, absentmindedly stroking their shoulders.

He tries going back to sleep, but it’s difficult. He managed to fall asleep as soon as he and his attorney were finished with their…nighttime activities…but now that he has woken up, it seems like the drowsiness has evaded him.

The clock on the table reads 3:55 AM. He huffs a sigh and mentally runs through his schedule for the day.

He has to be in the office in four hours. Around 9 AM, he has meetings that run until noon. The rest of the day is dedicated to driving around the city and inspecting all of the different areas that need his attention. It’s going to be a long one, but at least the party will be something to look forward to in the evening. Like his attorney said, it’d be nice to see Mark again.

The thought of his friend puts a heavy weight on his mind.

It’s been a few years since Celine ran away with William. Damien didn’t know that anything was transpiring between the two; anytime he asked Mark how they were doing, or anytime he tried approaching Celine, they had always shrugged it off.

Damien didn’t realize how much they’d been fighting. How they were throwing things at each other, screaming obscenities and insults at one another. He only saw when he and William had come to the house when the spouses had been in the middle of their biggest fight and William, in an attempt to prevent Celine from getting hurt, had just taken Damien’s sister away, leaving Mark in shambles and cursing out his adoptive brother.

There was love there, once. Damien had been wary of their relationship since its conception, but he had always supported them, no matter what, even when Celine had started pursuing occult practices and Mark rose to fame as an actor.

He hasn’t talked to his sister since the incident. He wonders if she’ll be at the party.

Mark, he’s heard even less from. Ever since Celine left, he’d holed himself up in the manor, never stepping outside, not even taking on any roles or projects. He was a recluse in the public’s eye, and even some of his more determined fans didn’t seem to know what happened to him.

The district attorney, at one point, had marched up to the manor every single day for three months. They’d left food, groceries, things that Mark needed to keep functioning. Benjamin always met them at the door, and he always said the same thing, sadly,

“I apologize, but the master is not feeling well today.”

The district attorney cared a lot about Mark. In college, they both had a bond that not even Damien could break. They were inseparable—thick as thieves. Mark was more of a best friend to the attorney than he ever was. Their dynamic changed only when Celine and Mark got together.

They never said anything, but the change in his friend’s demeanor was palpable.

To his knowledge, nothing romantic had ever transpired between the two. He’d asked the attorney, once.

Something sad and dark passed through their eyes, but they shook their head vehemently. “No. Nothing’ll ever happen between me and him.”

And that was that.

Damien supposes that falling in love with the attorney was something that couldn’t be avoided. They were gorgeous. They were full of life. Personable. Easy to talk to. You could go to them with any problem and they’d give you solid advice. They’d never bullshit him.

They were kind, too. Attentive. Considerate. Encouraging. Even when the attorney had bad days, they never failed to think of others.

Falling in love was both gradual and quick. There was a pull to them that Damien couldn’t shake, and there was nothing else in the world that would have made him stray away. “Ride or die,” they had once said, taking his hand and bringing it up to their lips. “You’ve stuck with me this far. I’ll stick with you in the days to come.”

He was actually surprised when the attorney was the one to approach him with their feelings. It made Damien elated—he’d been harboring something for them for years, and to hear the attorney return it…

It’s a shame, however, that they have to keep their relationship a secret. Regimes have survived on less, but a scandal regarding the most well-liked mayor in decades and a promising newly-elected district attorney would have sent the media for a spin. Damien’s family was affluent and powerful. Word would have gotten out that the attorney was only able to get the position because they were connected to his family, and no one would have taken the time to acknowledge his friend’s hard work, to consider the other side of it all.

So this is what they have settled with. A house that they share, but none of their family members or their friends know. Damien debated on whether he should have told Mark or Celine, or William, for that matter, as they were all within the circle to know, but he secretly liked that this was theirs. As much as he would love for their relationship to be public, it just wasn’t feasible.

The attorney sleeps soundly against the raging storm. Damien gently kisses their temple, and they snuggle further into his hold.

In the morning, he will go through his routine, and in the evening, he will meet with the rest of his friends at Markiplier Manor. He will have a good time with old friends, and he will finally face Mark after a year of silence. And who knows what might happen? He and the attorney might be able to tell their friends the news of their relationship.

Life is theirs to choose, after all.

buy me a coffee!

[thecollectionsof]

a bed built for two

leave the light on part 2 because i've been having trouble sleeping lately and don't we all need some comfy nighttime vibes?

Crystal loves the nighttime, she always has. The calmness and quiet of the darkened world, the feeling of being the only person awake and having free reign to do what she wanted without judgement, the look of muted string lights being the only source of light in her bedroom. The warm blankets, late night snacks, and now, Gigi.

Gigi came over some nights, and Crystal went to the apartment Gigi shared with Jackie other nights, but conflicting schedules means they reserve their nights for each other, whether it be going out or staying in. 

She’s at Gigi’s tonight, and Gigi has apparently decided to listen to recordings of calming songs on the piano while she works today rather than working in silence like she normally does. This doesn’t bother Crystal, not at all, but with the gentle sound of Gigi’s pencil moving along the page as she sketches and the rain pattering on the roof, she feels like she could drift off to sleep at any moment.

“Getting tired, Crys?” Gigi doesn’t lift her head from her sketchbook, her hair coming down around her face like a curtain from the way she hunches over the paper. Crystal knows that it’s only a matter of time before she gathers it in a hair clip, or maybe a slicked-back ponytail—she isn’t sure which. 

“Yeah,” she yawns out, standing from where she was sprawled across the couch and stretching her hands above her head, cracking her back. Gigi looks over this time, and Crystal catches the fond look she’s giving her, the small smile on her lips that remains even when she returns her attention to the design in front of her. “You coming?”

Gigi hums. “Nah, I wanna get this done before tomorrow. You go ahead, I’ll join you in a bit.” She reaches out her hand, so Crystal takes it and tangles their fingers together, giving it a gentle squeeze, stepping closer to drop a kiss on the crown of Gigi’s head.

“Don’t work too long, Geege, your bed’s too lonely without you.”

Gigi’s gaze lifts again, the smile on her face growing softer. “Get out of here, you dork,” she waves her off, but even in the low light Crystal can see a blush dusting her cheeks, her face getting red. 

So she does. She pads down the hallway with socked feet, stopping momentarily at Jakcie’s open door. Jackie is on Facetime with her girlfriend, a nightly occurrence, but she still smiles and waves when she sees Crystal. Crystal waves back.

“Tell Jan hi for me!” she calls over her shoulder as she continues to the bathroom, slipping inside and suddenly being thankful that they had already changed into their pajamas. It doesn’t take her long to get ready for bed, brushing her teeth and quickly washing her face before heading to Gigi’s room, switching on the string lights that she had helped Gigi hang up a few months ago when she realized that Gigi only had overhead lighting in her room. 

She slips into Gigi’s bed just as she starts to hear movement from the other room. It takes her almost no time at all to start waiting for her to come join her, feeling dwarfed by being the only thing other than pillows and blankets on the queen sized bed. At least she had stuffed animals to cuddle when she felt lonely in bed, but Gigi’s childhood stuffed animal was sitting on a shelf in a place of honor next to a scrap of fabric from her first sewing project as a child and a participation trophy for bowling that she had gotten when she was nine.

Gigi had told her the story of the trophy so many times, Crystal thought that she must have it memorized by now. The elated feeling she got when the people running it handed her a “girl trophy” because they had run out of the “boy trophies” had helped her discover that she was trans in the first place, so there the trophy sat, in a place of honor.

Speaking of Gigi, she should be here by now. Crystal was tired, but she didn’t want to fall asleep, not when it meant that she fell asleep without cuddling anything. Without cuddling Gigi.

It’s not all too much longer until the door opens, letting Gigi into the room. She tucks herself under the covers easily, letting Crystal scooch closer and tangle their legs together. Her phone is still playing the music as she goes to plug it in, but Crystal doesn’t mind—the songs are soothing, the perfect ones to listen to at night. She recognizes some from a playlist she had made many, many nights ago in the comfort of her bed on a night that was particularly full of yearning, a playlist called songs that sound like love. 

A playlist that reminded her of Gigi.

“Finally,” Crystal hears herself mutter, but she doesn’t stop herself. It was true, she had missed Gigi’s presence even in the few minutes they were apart. “Missed you.”

Gigi’s giggle makes her feel lighter, and she lets her eyes fall shut, trying to memorize the sound. “Didn’t want to sprawl out and take my whole bed for yourself?” she asks, and the grin is audible in her voice. Crystal shakes her head.

“No. The bed is too big for just me. I need you here or it doesn’t feel right.” The sleepy confession is out of her before she can think about the words, but yet again she finds that she doesn’t want to take them back. They’re true, after all, even if they’re very forward.

“Oh.” It’s quiet, taken aback in a way that makes Crystal crack her eyes open again. Gigi has her mouth open, just a little, lost for words. She closes it, thinks for a second, then responds. “I want you here all the time.”

A bolt of affection rushes through her, butterflies in her stomach announcing their presence by fluttering as if their lives depended on it. 

I want you here all the time. 

Crystal doesn’t know how to reply, doesn’t know if she can. She settles on inching forward again, her eyes falling shut once more and a hum leaving her lips involuntarily. Gigi reaches out and brushes a curl behind her ear, and she sighs, content. 

“G’night, Geege,” she says, after a few minutes of letting the rain and gentle piano and sound of Gigi’s breathing lull her to sleep. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Crys. Sweet dreams.”

Crystal loves the nighttime, and falling asleep while cuddling with Gigi only makes her love it even more.

[random-but-cottage]

Does anyone else love nighttime drives when it's raining? With rain hitting the windows, the sound of the wheels on the wet roads, and the flare of the streetlamps. The slight bitter shake of your hands against the cold and the raindrops racing down the window as you watch the world pass by, simultaneously alone and not. Stars littering the dark sky fall in a pitter-patter against the screen, and the gloom surrounds everything but forward, two beams of light marking the path to home and warmth like spirits guiding an adventurer home after a dreary adventure. Or is that just me?

[abdullahblog2023]

Deep Relaxation: Listen to the sound of natural rain and enjoy a peaceful night

is an immersive audio experience crafted to bring tranquility and calmness to your mind and body. The soothing sound of natural rain creates a serene environment that helps to wash away the stresses of daily life, allowing you to relax deeply and drift into peaceful sleep. The gentle patter of raindrops evokes a sense of comfort and nostalgia, reminiscent of cozy nights spent indoors while a storm quietly brews outside. This audio experience is perfect for meditation, unwinding after a long day, or as a sleep aid to help you enjoy a restful night. As the rhythmic sound of rainfall plays, it creates a calming atmosphere that allows your mind to focus and detach from the busyness of everyday thoughts. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, stress, or simply in need of some quiet moments to yourself, these sounds offer a natural way to reset your mental state. The deep relaxation effect is enhanced by the subtle shifts in intensity and tone of the rain, mimicking the natural ebb and flow of a real rainstorm. It becomes a perfect backdrop for deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, or simply laying down and letting the sounds lull you to sleep. The long-duration audio track is ideal for creating a peaceful nighttime ambiance, suitable for those who struggle with insomnia or difficulty sleeping. As the rain continues to fall, it drowns out background noise and fosters a sense of privacy and security, helping you to sleep soundly through the night. Whether played softly in the background or enjoyed through headphones, this audio experience is designed to promote deep relaxation and rejuvenation, transporting you to a tranquil, rain-soaked world where worries fade and serenity reigns supreme."

[mom-imlearning]

The Sound I Heard Before

I was maybe around 7 years old when, every night, my mom would sing me to sleep. Her voice was so relaxing and soft, like a lullaby. I remember always craving that sound because it was incredibly comforting, and I would immediately fall soundly asleep.

Little did I know that the love I felt for my mom's voice back then would be something I'd wish someone would feel when they hear my own voice.

In the 7th grade, while other people's voices deepened due to puberty, mine barely changed and only sounded smaller in comparison to my peers. "Comforted" was what I felt from my mom, but the opposite was what my peers felt when they heard my voice: "irritated." My voice was so small that people thought I was forcing it. I can't blame them; it was also the time when Vice Ganda's song "Wag Kang Pabebe" and the "Pabebe girls" became popular. It was a terrible time for someone with a small voice to be heard.

Faced with ridicule, my confidence shrunk to fit the size of the box holding my voice. Speaking only triggered anxiety, as I was afraid that people would mockingly imitate my voice or that I'd irritate them and ruin their day.

My phone still holds one of the countless recordings I made while trying to practice deepening my voice. It was similar to the numerous takes I did to record a voiceover for presentations until my throat hurt so much that I could no longer speak because I hated how I sounded. It was like how I repeatedly sent voice messages where I think I sounded deeper to my close friend, hoping she would agree that my voice no longer sounded small. I vividly remember the nervousness I felt when I had to shout 'Para po' in a jeepney or 'present' during attendance checking in class. I'd sound like I was about to cry, which was true, out of fear that they'd notice my tiny voice, and I'd be reminded of my failed attempts to change it. Every time I heard myself speak, it only reminded me of the haunting echoes of the people who mocked it or the gentle pattering of my tears as they fell upon a flat surface.

It was until my mom returned home from abroad and I overheard her speaking to her friend. Her friend commented, "Your voice is still so small," which made me realize something I had never thought about before. The voice that comforted me to sleep, the one I had always loved and cherished, was very similar to the one I deeply hated at that time. I tried to listen to myself the way I had listened to my mom's voice before, and oh, how my perspective had changed. Yes, my voice is small, but instead of being irritating, it's more relaxing. My voice, just like my mom's, is as soft as the stuffed pillow that carries all the heaviness of the day at nighttime. My high-pitched and excited voice reminds me of the giggles of children, still innocent and full of wonder about the mysteries of life. My voice has its own unique tune that follows the beat of my soul's innocence and youthful spirit.

I hear it daily, so I wonder how I could have forgotten that I had already heard my voice before, maybe even earlier than my 7th year of life, perhaps even while I was still in my mom's belly—a voice singing with love that I now carry to remind myself that my voice is similar to the comforting sound I heard before.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Florist (self-titled) Album Review

(Double Double Whammy)

BY JORDAN MAINZER

The idea of a person who has faced heartbreak or grief retreating to solitude to create art is oft-romanticized, perhaps to a fault. Emily Sprague has certainly created masterful albums by herself, whether the ambient music released under her own name or Emily Alone, a solo album released under the Florist moniker following her mother’s death and a move out west. But in June 2019, Sprague moved back to New York and rented a house in the Hudson Valley with the band’s original lineup: Jonnie Baker, Rick Spataro, and Felix Walworth. They’d spontaneously record their instruments beside their surrounding natural woods during a hot and rainy summer, the first time they’d ever recorded this way, for this long. The result is Florist’s latest self-titled record, a reinvention of sorts, and one that perhaps shows Sprague and the music listening public that great art can come out of reflecting on troubling times with a loving community by your side, too.

Florist is a stunning capture of Sprague processing weighty concepts in real-time, undoubtedly affected by her mother’s passing, but within the existential crises any of us have, from growing older or even awestruck at the wonder of the natural world. The songs generally alternate between instrumental and lyrical; they’re diaristic in nature, sporting titles like “June 9th Nighttime”, “Red Bird Pt 2 (Morning”), and “Jonnie on the Porch”. Fleeting moments feel like the cosmos, 2-minute interludes like they last a lifetime. 6-minute stories fly by. Sprague’s gentle voice blends with layers of acoustic guitar, muffled horns, pattering drums, sprinkling electronics, and samples of nature. Proof of life is musical, like the pulsating of chirping crickets on “June 9th Nighttime” that’s naturally rhythmic. Attempting to identify the source of different sounds, as a listener, directly mirrors the experience of being in nature, seeing if you can spot a rare bird or hear the sound of a wolf or something that could kill you.

As much as Florist has a clear beginning and end in terms of Sprague’s evolving attitude towards the journey of life and what we know about it, it’s by no means a linear record. Even the instrumentals, whether sampled or played, often loop before they go in one way or another, like the repeated guitar plucking of “Red Bird Pt 2 (Morning)”, one of a few songs to explicitly mention Sprague’s mother. “There is a winter morning you didn’t know me yet,” she sings, mixing up tenses, perfectly and plainspokenly capturing the feeling of thinking about a loved one and what their life was like before you entered it. She ends the song with an audio capture of speaking to her bandmates, speaking, “That’s it.” The take is over, but the song, immaculately written and played, feels like a disordered outpour of emotions and thoughts. Many of the album’s ambient motifs, like all three harmonic, crackling parts of “Bells”, seem like they were taken from the same recording when you listen to them from above, but they’re chopped and spliced throughout the album like a fractal, messing with your own perception.

Throughout the album, Sprague disconnects from herself, imagining her own death, or aliens examining her body, and it’s powerful in context of looking back at times with her mother. On the casually jaunty “Spring in Hours”, she sings, “I think it's the long walk to the next part of your life / Will you hold me until no more?” Her past self is unable to see a future without her mother; as such, she asks for “more” before reflecting on what she already has. “River’s Bed” is a devastating folk strummer--“It’s always the darkest things I keep inside my thoughts,” Sprague sings, continuing, “You must be a lucky one to fall into stars, after all.” Toms and bass enter in conjunction with the final line of the chorus, the lowest register sounding like the literal weight of a thudding, lifeless body.

Ultimately, Sprague finds peace in documenting what she can and can’t control, contrasting “Home is a garden that I can keep alive” with “Home is a garden that can’t keep me alive” on “Dandelion”, repeating, “You’re not what I have but what I love” on “Sci-fi Silence”. But it’s “Feathers” that’s the album’s climax. If on “Dandelion” Sprague asks why she can’t see abstract concepts like life and death in the physical realm, on “Feathers”, she plainly states concepts acting as if they’re tangible beings, bordering on a surreal perception of the world--“The mystery of dreams and existence floating in the cross breeze,” or “Love and friendship running through the garden”--and they come across as more truthful than any platitudes or aphorisms she could have included. A line like, “Sometimes I think I have too many pasts” is not an admittance in the belief of multiverses, but a reminder to--dare I say it--live in the moment. Florist closes with the instrumental “Jonnie on the Porch”, presumably Baker, not Sprague, combining saxophone and samples. You can imagine him there, surrounded by living things, practicing the band’s newfound mantra: “Listening to the sounds of life around us pass / Careful not to tread on anything needing rest.”

[ynscrazylife]

Carol danvers x reader (royal AU) where like.. Carol is a knight/warrior and reader is a princess?

Connected by the Constellations

Summary: Knight Carol and Princess Y/N are connected by the constellations of the sky.

Prompt: “The knight doesn’t know when it started, but every time he is on night watch, the princess joins him for a talk, claiming she is just unable to fall asleep.” By @creativepromptsforwriting

Authors Note: Second fic of my AU Event!

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

Main Masterlist | MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/natashowlet

Carol would quite literally thank her lucky stars when she was assigned night duty. All the other knights despised it - having to stand for hours in the dark when they should be sleeping? No, thank you. For the blonde, though, she was more than ready to offer herself up when their Captain asked for volunteers.

It wasn’t like it required much of her to do, anyway. She’d stand atop the walls beneath two out of four of the castle towers, looking over the courtyard until her shift was over. It wasn’t difficult, and although Carol preferred to use her strengths as a Knight - jousting, defending - it gave her a unique and rare opportunity:

To look at the sky.

Ever since she was a kid she loved it. The sky was enormous and at nighttime the stars would light it up like nightlights. For Carol, connecting the stars to form the constellations was her favorite form of puzzle. As a result, more often than not, instead of watching the courtyard, her gaze was pulled upward, in a way that it appeared as if she was defying gravity.

It was for that reason that on one spring night, her shifts from then on would be changed forever. Carol had been yearning at the sky as usual, which was why she didn’t hear the pitter-patter of slippers against the stone approaching her. She didn’t even realize that she had been joined by someone until their lavender fragrance wafted into her nose.

One blink and she was on alert, immediately unsheathing her sword, standing back, and pressing the tip of it to who was sure to be her attacker’s neck. Only when the person let out a mangled yelp did Carol realize who this was, and her eyes widened before she hastily pulled her sword far, far away.

“Your highness!”

Composing herself, the Princess straightened her posture, forcing out a dignified laugh. “Knight,” she greeted, curtseying.

“Please accept my deepest apologies, Your Highness. I mistook you for an attacker,” Carol explained, bowing her head.

Shaking her head, the Princess retained a polite smile. “It is fine. I’m glad that our Knights are on high alert. You are just doing your job,” she brushed aside, in such a leaderlike, future Queen-like, voice that it must’ve been drilled into her by her parents and teachers. “I just came by to look at the stars since I couldn’t sleep . . . Is that Orion?” She turned to the sky, pointing out a constellation.

Narrowing her eyes, Carol blinked, finding that the Princess was correct. Biting her tongue to stop herself from wording this poorly, she said, “Yes, it is. I didn’t know that Princesses were taught about the sky, Your Highness.”

Y/N chuckled, letting her true laugh ring, her true voice accompanying it. “I studied the stars in any free time I had when I was younger - and still do now,” she said.

This sparked the Knight’s interest. They launched into a conversation, discussing all the constellations they could see. It began that every night the Knight was on duty, the Princess would join her, murmuring about how she wasn’t able to sleep, even though they both knew that it wasn’t true. Still, the Knight didn’t stop her and the Princess didn’t allow herself to be stopped. After about the third or fourth visit or so, they began a contest of who could spot as many constellations as they could first. There was no prize and neither kept count, but it allowed them to talk for hours until the Knight’s shift was over or the Princess retreated to her quarters.

This went on for months, and neither had any intention of stopping. Their conversations grew into topics other than the sky, although they’d always come back to that, and they learned a lot about each other from it. At some point, the Princess started calling the Knight “Carol” and the Knight started calling the Princess “Y/N”. Although such informalities felt strange at first, with each other, they soon grew accustomed to and comfortable with it.

Then, one night, Y/N did not show. There was no way exactly for Carol to tell that she was late, for there was no clock outside, but as the breeze grew colder and the other guards grew tired, Carol could tell that there was something - someone - missing.

This set her off. She had never been so comfortable with someone than she was with the Princess. Anxiously, Carol craned her neck back to watch the entrance that Y/N came from. It was quiet. Abandoned. Give her a few more minutes, Carol told herself. She was a member of the Royal family. Perhaps she just got busy or fell asleep early.

That never happens, her conscience told her.

After a couple more agonizing minutes of rocking side-to-side slowly, the Knight decided she couldn’t just stand there when something could be wrong. Her duty was to take care of the Royal family, wasn’t it? She had to do that.

Hoping the other Knights were too tired or bored to notice, she crept over to Y/N’s usual entrance, which led to a winding, steep staircase. With her clanky boots, she made more noise than she would have liked to, but descended down it all the less. Leaving the little tower, she saw the palace’s library nearby.

From their talks she knew that Y/N would go there to study frequently, or use it as an oasis to get away from the chaos of being a royal - it wouldn’t hurt to check there.

Walking inside, Carol was adamant to make as little noise as possible. It would be a dishonor to disrupt Y/N’s quiet, safehaven. At first, she figured that no one could be there, with all the lights out. Then, something shining out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Turning, she had to squint to make out a small lamp.

Gravitating towards it like a bug would, Carol made out Y/N’s outline as she approached. Y/N had her back faced to her, one hand supporting her chin and the other resting on an open book. Rounding the table, Carol noticed that the book had a photo of the night sky on it, with stars dotting it. That brought a small smile to her face, until she looked up to see Y/N asleep. She must have just fallen asleep, as the arm supporting her wasn’t limp yet, but would be soon.

Wanting to prevent her face from smashing into the book, Carol quickly reached out and shook her shoulder. That little touch was enough to jostle her and quickly, Y/N reentered consciousness. Her eyes went wide as she first saw Carol and then when she saw the book. “I didn’t mean to - I need to study,” she said, pushing back her chair and almost throwing herself at the nearest shelf, scouring it.

Blinking in slight shock, Carol followed her. “Study for what?” She asked, watching her fumble through the books, a couple falling onto the floor.

When Y/N’s only response was a mutter about how mad her teacher was going to be, Carol decided to step in. Narrowly avoiding getting hit with a book as it flew off the shelf, she grabbed Y/N’s wrists, forcing her to take a pause.

“Whatever this is, it needs to stop. You need to rest,” Carol said, not bothering to stuff her concern behind her usual tough exterior.

Y/N shook her head, struggling against Carol’s tight grip. “No, no. I have a test. I need - to - study.”

After a brief back-and-forth, the two ended up mere inches away from each other. With her tiredness, Y/N’s attempts grew weaker, but she was still adamant. It only got through to her when she realized the effect this was having on Carol, her blonde hair getting disgruntled, frustration and worry in her eyes, her straining muscles. “I would not be doing my Knightly duty if I step aside while this continues, Y/N! You need to rest, and I will make it my job to make sure you do so,” she said.

As this set in, Y/N dropped her struggle. With that happening so suddenly, Carol just barely caught herself before she knocked into the shorter royal. Once she regained her balance and loosened her grip, Y/N stepped away, rubbing her face as she felt the exhaustion overpower her. Turning around, Y/N slumped in a chair.

“I might just sleep here,” she said, leaning against the back of the chair.

Letting out a small scoff, Carol knelt in front of Y/N. “Can I help you back to your room, Princess?” She offered, smirking.

Y/N cracked one eye open and then turned away. “I’m good here,” she replied in a sing-song voice.

Rolling her eyes, Carol stood up. “I can carry you?” She offered next, shrugging. “Belova is guarding your quarters tonight. She won’t care.”

When Y/N didn’t respond, just shifted in the chair uncomfortably, Carol took the decision upon herself. She bent down and scooped the Princess up in her arms, eliciting a small squak of surprise from her. Carol just chuckled, heading out the door. “Adorable,” she teased, making sure Y/N was secure.

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” Y/N grumbled, resting her head against Carol’s shoulder.

Feeling butterflies from the touch, the Knight nonetheless carried her to her quarters. Passing Yelena, the guard smirked at the scene, but didn’t say anything. When they got inside Y/N’s room, Carol laid her on her bed and helped her pull the covers over herself. Carol turned to leave, but Y/N caught her wrist.

“No goodnight kiss?” Y/N pouted. Then, she added, “Only if you want, of course.”

Turning back to her, Carol was grateful that the darkness only allowed them to make out the outlines of each other, so Y/N didn’t see her blush. She barely contained her gasp as it was. Leaning down, Carol’s lips met Y/N’s. They engaged in a nice, sweet kiss before they pulled back. “For you, Princess? I’d give you the stars,” she admitted quietly.

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