#And I've turned that poor bastard into a lot of things~

[kira-broflovski]

main 4 boys hcs: crushing on the new girl

note: more sleepover chapters to be out soon!! also i got carried away in kenny's part oops

STAN ☆

he thought he'd never be able to like a girl ever again, but that idea was short-lived when he saw you.

it was love at first sight.

he was planning on going up to you and introducing himself, but other guys were quicker.

i can see him being really jealous, especially if it's other football players or people he trusts. (maybe tolkien will come in and steal someone from stan again 💀)

at one point, he saw you getting uncomfortable with all the attention you were getting so stan saw an opportunity.

an opportunity to yell at the others while still looking like a good guy, that is.

"Alright, guys, that's enough!" Stan stomped his foot against the floor, silence quickly filling the teacher-less classroom. "Can't you see how uncomfortable she is?"

You couldn't stand to look at anyone while you were the centre of this unwanted attention.

The various types of guys hated the fact Stan was right and that you were visibly uncomfortable, but you were relieved at this sudden saviour.

While everyone backed off, Stan remained in front of you so you looked up at him while he approached with a subtle smile, which you thankfully returned.

"Hey, if anyone's ever bothering you, just text me." He stated before handing you a little yellow note, his phone number quickly scribbled across it.

"Thank you, uh..."

"Stan."

"Thank you, Stan." He was proud to be the first guy to get a genuine smile out of you.

"You're very welcome...?"

"Y/N."

"Well, see you around, Y/N." He might have fell in love first, but you fell harder.

"Bastard wanted her all to himself!"

KYLE ☆

when kyle first saw you, he thought you were cute of course but didn't think anything else until he sat next to you for a class you shared.

he is more of a hopeless romantic, so of course he would act on a classic trope when he got the chance to.

you were struggling with the question the teacher had set, so you turned to the person on your left but they made a snide comment and didn't bother helping you. thankfully, kyle came to your assistance.

"Ignore that asswipe, Y/N." You heard someone to the right-hand side of you say. "I'll help you."

You turned around to see it was Kyle, the smartest kid in the class!

"Thank you so much, Kyle!" It was good to know not everyone was mean here. At the mention of his name with your seemingly angelic voice, he felt his heart flutter.

"No worries," he smiled nervously. "What do you need help with?"

KENNY ☆

just like the others, when he first saw you he thought you were so pretty.

he just needed to have you.

but he's not as confident as his friends, so he shied away and decided to admire you from afar.

however, that changed when you were the one to go up to him: you introduced yourself and explained you wanted to make a lot of new friends.

kenny introduced himself, as well, he never thought he'd get the chance to talk to you like this. however, he made the mistake of making his liking towards you known to his friends... more specifically, cartman.

"You wouldn't like Kenny, new girl." Eric chuckled maliciously from behind the blonde-haired boy that was simply trying to admire the girl of his dreams in peace.

"Why not?" You huffed. "I've already taken a liking to him."

Kenny tried to act as if that isn't one of the sweetest things somebody has said about him.

"Well, he's poor!" Eric shouted as if it was obvious. "He'd be an even worse boyfriend, and he clearly already has a little crush on you."

The poor boy was mortified. Worried that he had just lost his chance with you when you stood in silence.

"What?" You were taken aback. Did Kenny really call this asshole a friend?

"I'm doing you a favour, whatever your name is." Eric continued. "Don't go for Kyle either, he's a stupid-"

"That's enough, fatass!" Kyle yelled.

Kenny started to panic. He didn't know what to do, and he's never felt more embarrassed. And it was all Eric's fault!

"C'mon, Kenny. Let's go somewhere else to talk." You said, much to his surprise, but he gladly accepted.

ERIC ☆

if this isn't enemies to lovers potential, idk what is.

he'd be more discreet about his crush because god forbid the others realise he actually likes someone!

he would just simply bully you, but you were different. you were just trying to be nice, so when he realised he actually felt a little bad he tried toning it down little by little before toning it down.

he's definitely the possessive type, so when he realised you had already became friends with the others... he wanted to be your friend too.

however, he just wanted you all to himself.

"Fuck you guys, I saw her first!"

"Saw her first? She's not an object, Cartman. She can choose who she wants to hang out with, and I'm surprised she even wants to associate with you!"

The boys were bickering back and forth as usual, arguing over you as if you weren't sat there with them.

"But, Y/N is mine!" Eric yelled, taking all of you by surprise.

"Yours?" You questioned.

"Ah, shit."

[1-ker0sene-1]

❤️❤️ah, I didn't want to dump requests into your inbox in case it came off as "cater more to ME" but if you do take requests.. I've been struggling with serious fatigue and migraines lately (Dr and I have no idea what's causing it) so I've had a hard time dragging myself out of bed and taking care of myself. Which of the cod boys do you think would find ways to help? I think Simon would be gentle but absolute in his caretaking. I bet he would hold me upright in the shower, whereas Gaz would share a bubble bath and order takeout :')

{I hope you get some answers soon anon! And don't be worried about sending requests! I love getting them ♥️}

Personally, I think each of the 141 would have similar yet subtly different approaches.

Price

John is a worrier. Always has been. The man exudes stress when it comes to the ones he loves, especially when they're in pain. He'll bundle you up in some blankets, carry you to the couch and turn down the lights. Letting you rest comfortably.

Without taking his eyes off you, he's probably in the kitchen talking to your doctor on the phone. He wants to know how to help you, not having answers frustrates him.

The rest of the time is about you. He'll get you some migraine medication. He's definitely making you eat a lot of fruit because he read somewhere it helps with headaches. He doesn't want to toss you around, just trying to keep you comfortable.

He also will not tolerate if you feel guilty about being so exhausted.

"You just don't feel good love.. don't you worry about a thing. Just let me take care of you. It's what you deserve."

Gaz

Kyle, dear Lord, will take such good care of you. Like it's second nature. From the moment you wake up, you're held close in his arms. As soon as you stir in pain he'll ask what's going on, pressing kisses to your skin.

You're gonna be pampered the entire day. The room is only lit by some candles, he'll carry you from bed to a warm bath. Stripping down and joining you as well. You won't have to lift a finger, not that he'll let you anyways- definitely not an excuse to wash and play with your hair.

He'll wave you off anytime you say that you feel like you're burdening him.

"You know I like takin' care of you anyways"

He might leave to go get you medicine real quick, probably sits in the tea aisle as well- trying to find something that helps with migraines.

Soap

Johnny, the sweet bastard, kinda takes this to have a lazy day with you. If anyone, he's the one ordering take out with you. Arms wrapped around your waist, kissing on your stomach and snuggling into you.

"my poor wee lass.."

Cooing and doting after you. You aren't getting up even if you want to. He's pulling you right back in bed, whining to not over exert yourself.

"You tell me what you need hen."

And you somewhat have to, he doesn't really know exactly what to do. But he'll do anything you ask of him. Get your medication, get you some water, practically spoon feeds you. Opens the windows to get you some fresh air. If you're cold, well he's right there to warm you up.

Ghost

Simon is more of a watch dog. At your side constantly. If you want up and around, he won't stop you. But the moment you look too exhausted, or wince from your migraine? You're getting scooped up and taken back to bed. He just wants what's best for you.

Anon is right about the shower. He'll hold you up against him, lips pressed to your forehead. Supporting you against his body, mumbling sweet words into your skin as he washes you up. Swaying the both of you slightly together with a deep rumbling hum.

"I'm right here doll.. I'm not leaving ya.."

He mutters. Simon can sometimes be a hard ass, even in your relationship. But when you're hurting like this? He can't have a mean bone in his body. Every little thing you do, you're getting so much praise for it. He knows how tired you are, you're doing so well.

[toboldlygohome]

"Please..."

Mark Watney X Reader

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the pain of losing your boyfriend on Sol 6. But you were even less prepared to find out that he didn't die. You left him there. Alone.

Character(s): Mark Watney, Beth Johanssen, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez.

Warning(s): Descriptions of grief, Mentions of death, Cursing (lots of it), Mildly sexual themes (nothing explicit), Mentions of malnourishment.

A/N: I absolutely adore The Martian, but I've noticed a criminally low amount of fan content for it, so I decided to make some! I've decided to follow more closely to the book plot rather than the movie (Just because I like the dialogue more and it's more scientifically accurate). However, there will be a couple scenes from the movie sprinkled in just because I thought they were fun. I hope you enjoy!

It was the morning of Sol 6 and you were up early to make some coffee before your EVA mission. The past few days on Mars had been busy, but far more rewarding than you could have ever imagined. You were one of the geologists in the Ares 3 crew, along with Commander Lewis of course. Mars, to you, was a playground of science. A giant sphere of discovery you couldn't wait to explore.

Today's EVA was to gather samples from near the hab. You had seen plenty of rocks on the way in that you needed to overturn almost as much as you needed oxygen to breathe.

You sensed a hand on the small of your back and felt goosebumps trail up your spine. "Morning Y/L/N. Anything to report?" A playful voice proclaimed.

"Other than bland coffee and terrible sleep, nothing of interest~" You turned back and smiled at your boyfriend. He brushed his thumb over a patch of exposed skin on your lower back before pulling his hand away.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sleep under Martinez, bastard was tossing and turning all night." He smirked as he made his own cup. "I'm barely getting by, the only thing keeping me grounded is this bland ass coffee."

You snickered and rolled your eyes. "Poor baby," You teased.

You and Mark Watney had been together for almost three years, in secret of course. NASA isn't exactly fond of sending couples into space where they might throw caution to the wind and procreate in transit. You were professionals, this mission was something you both had been looking forward to since it was announced. But that wouldn't stop the Space Administration from removing you both from Ares 3.

Nobody knew you were together. Not NASA, not your families, not even the crew knew of your relationship. As far as anyone was concerned, you were just great friends (inseparable in fact). You went out for dinners, went on morning jogs together, spent late nights gaming and going over the mission handbook. Everyone knew you confided in one another and worked incredibly as a team. But nobody would have guessed that instead of playing Yahtzee together on your evenings off, Mark was slowly and deliciously making you breathless with his lips, melting you with his touch.

Once the mission actually started, it was much harder than anticipated to cut out the physical affection. There were cameras everywhere on the ship and absolutely no way to hide from them. The only place for privacy was the bathrooms, but you had a rather close call that involved Mark dragging you there under the guise of helping him with his laptop (which obviously earned an eyebrow raise from Johanssen,) only for him to kiss you with the desperation of a man dying of thirst. You were nearly caught by Beck and you both decided not to risk it again. Luckily, you and Watney were a couple of problem solvers.

Instead of kisses, you resorted to touching. A hand on the back, an arm on the shoulder, a nudge of the elbow. Casual touch became your replacement for intimacy.

Mark pulled a smug smile and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "You know what Y/N, I am a poor baby. But I can think of something that would make me feel better..." He whispered close to your ear. You flushed and playfully shoved him back.

"In your dreams Watney." You scoffed but your hand lingered on his stomach, earning a cheeky grin from the botanist.

"How'd you know?" He laughed, glancing down at your lips briefly. You knew what he was thinking: that it had been awhile and maybe he could risk just a little peck. Mark was a reckless one, that's for sure.

"Guys, quit flirting so loudly. I was trying to get a few minutes extra sleep before Lewis pulls out the bugle," Beck strolled in and grabbed a ration packet.

"Flirting? With him?" You asked incredulously, jabbing your thumb toward Mark.

"And vice versa," Beck shrugged.

"You must be seeing things, maybe we should call a doctor?" Watney sassily took a sip of his drink.

"Hilarious," Beck replied. Chris had been fighting for you and Mark to get together for about as long as you've known him (which is a decent number of years, in case you were wondering.) Little did he know you had already jumped that fence. You felt bad for keeping it from him, but you were sure he'd understand given his thing with Johanssen.

"Oh good, you guys are already up." Lewis sighed "hey, can one of you wake up Martinez? He's not listening to a single word I say."

You gave Watney a sidelong glance. He groaned and downed the rest of his terrible space coffee. "Yeah sure, I can go get the bastard. I'll give him a piece of my mind while I'm at it." Mark stomped off to the bunks and Lewis followed him. You casually sat beside Beck, who gave you a knowing smile.

"You know Chris, it would probably happen on its own if you didn't push it so much." You mumbled against the rim of your cup in an attempt to hide a smile.

"It's obvious he likes you too. Practically written all over his face," Beck said. "Honestly though, you two don't even realize when you're flirting. It's kind of incredible."

You huffed, "Now's not the best time for all that, you know."

"I know, I know. Just, keep it on the table okay?"

"Whatever you say Dr. Beck," You snickered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an EVA to prep for."

Chris rolled his eyes and poked at the food on his plate, "you're excused."

~~~

"Alright team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today." Lewis announced.

"How's it looking over there Watney?" Martinez asked.

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that in grid section 14/28, the particles are predominantly coarse. But in 29 they're uh... much finer. That should be ideal for chem analysis."

"Oh wow! did everyone hear that? Mark just discovered dirt! Should we alert the media?" Martinez teased. Mark glanced up at you, but you couldn't see his face behind the helmet.

"Hey, you better watch it fly boy. I'm working this grid too!" You laughed.

"Sorry, what are you doing today Martinez? Making sure the MAV is still upright?" You could hear the smirk in Mark's voice.

"Well, I'd like you to know that visual inspection of the equipment is imperative to mission success," Rick preached. "I'd also like to report that the MAV is still upright."

You and Mark giggled as you worked on the grid. "Watney, you're keeping your channel open, which leads to Martinez responding, which leads to all of us listening, which leads to me being annoyed," Lewis scolded halfheartedly.

"Roger that, Martinez the captain would like you to please uh," Mark looked at you for approval and continued. "Shut your smart mouth."

Rick cackled and you playfully nudged Mark on the shoulder.

"We'd prefer you use a different adjective to describe Martinez's mouth." Beck said from inside the Hab, resulting in even more laughter from the rest of the crew.

"Did Beck just insult me?!"

"Dr. Beck and yes!"

"I'm happy to turn the radios off from here commander. Just say the word." Johanssen suggested.

"Johanssen, constant communication is the hallmark-" Watney started.

"Shut him off" Melissa gave the order.

"No-" Johanssen cut him off. Mark tossed his little hammer in the dirt and looked back at the captain like she had just kicked a kitten. You patted the shoulder of his suit and urged him to get back to work.

"I'm sorry for my countrymen, Vogel." Lewis said.

"Accepted," Vogel shrugged and glanced up at the sky. "The storm... It's closer than Houston reported."

"We've got time," Lewis said. "Focus on the task at hand. This EVA's all about chemical analysis. Vogel, you're the chemist so you're in charge of what we dig up."

"Ja, Please dig thirty centimeters and get soil samples. At least one hundred grams each. Very important is thirty centimeters down." Vogel clarified, eyes back on his work.

"Will do, stay within a hundred meters of the Hab," Lewis said.

You worked in peace and quiet for a few minutes. You measured the grid while Mark hammered the grid labels. You could hardly wait to take samples. Mark was right, it was perfect for chem analysis. Unfortunately, your work was short-lived because Johanssen had some bad news.

"Commander, you should come inside. You're gonna want to see this."

"What is it?" Lewis asked.

"Houston has upgraded the storm to 'severe.' It's going to be here in fifteen minutes." Johanssen said.

You perked your head up to get a look at the sky. Already it was getting darker.

"Martinez, how's it looking?" Asked commander Lewis.

"Not good." He said.

After a moment of contemplation, Lewis made her decision. "Back to base."

~~~

The Hab shook and the sound of wind and debris outside only exacerbated the tension within. Lewis commanded everyone to put on their flight suits and you congregated around the screen, wondering if this was the end of your mission.

"Sustained winds over one hundred kilometers per hour now. Gusting to one twenty-five," Johanssen frowned.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"One fifty kilometers per hour, anymore than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez placed his hands on his hips.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it... It's gonna get worse before it gets better." Johanssen delivered the bad news with confidence. Silence fell over the group and you grabbed Mark's hand. You wished you could feel the warmth, but the gloves on the flight suit acted as a barrier. Watney met your sorrowful eyes. You'd have to end the mission before it even started. He let go of your hand and pressed you into his side. It was over. 25 sols early. You leaned your head against his shoulder and willed the grief to subside.

"Alright, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we launch." Lewis grabbed her helmet.

~~~

Outside the Hab, the wind was disastrous. Mark was nearly swept off his feet by the force of the gusts. He slammed into you, but you managed to keep him on his feet.

"Shit! Thanks." Watney regained his balance.

"Visibility is almost zero. If you get lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry! The wind's gonna be rougher away from the Hab, so be ready!" Lewis warned.

The Ares crew stumbled toward the MAV with ever increasing uncertainty. You had to lean into the wind to avoid being thrown backward. Mark wasn't doing much better. It didn't help that his mind wasn't on getting to the MAV safely, it was on how to keep it upright. Watney was smart, too smart for his own good.

"Hey," Watney panted. "Maybe we could shore up the MAV. Make tipping less likely."

"How?" Lewis Huffed.

"We could use cables from the solar farm as guylines. The rovers could be anchors. The trick would be getting the line around the-"

You choked on your scream as Mark was struck by a massive piece of wreckage, sending him off into the disorienting mist of dust and wind.

"MARK!" You screamed and tried to stumble after him, but you could barely see an inch in front of your helmet.

"What happened?" Lewis said.

"Something hit him!" Johanssen said shakily.

"Watney report..." Lewis said. You listened hard and prayed he'd answer. "Watney, report!" Nothing.

"He's offline, I don't know where he is." Johanssen reported as calmly as she could. You bit back a whimper as you shuffled forward.

"Commander, before we lost telemetry, his decompression alarm went off!" Beck said.

"Shit! Y/L/N, where did you last see him?" Lewis asked.

"H-he was right in front of me and then he was gone," you managed. "He flew off due west" You pointed.

"Okay, Martinez, get to the MAV and prep for launch. Everyone else, home in on Johanssen."

"Dr. Beck, how long can a person survive decompression?" Vogel asked.

"Less than a minute." Beck looked back at you. You could hear the pain in his voice. No. Mark couldn't be... He was just beside you a moment ago.

"Commander, the MAV's got a seven degree tilt. It'll tip at 12.3."

"Copy that."

He's alive, he can't be dead!

"Johanssen, Watney's bio-monitor sent something before going offline. My computer just says 'Bad Packet,'" Beck said.

"Give me a sec," Johanssen said.

"Commander, message from Houston. We're officially scrubbed. The storm's definitely too rough."

"Copy."

"Beck, I have the raw packet!" Johanssen said, "It's plaintext: BP 0, PR 0, TP 36.2. That's as far as I got."

Beck sighed and shook his head. "Blood pressure zero, pulse rate zero, temperature normal..."

Your chest tightened and your eyes burned. "Temperature normal?" You asked hopefully.

"It takes a while for the-" Beck swallowed. "It takes awhile to cool."

"Commander, tilting at 10.5 degrees now, with gusts pushing it to 11." Martinez reported.

"Copy, if it tips, launch."

"What about you commander?"

"I'm going to search a little more."

"You really think I'll leave you behind?" Martinez asked.

"I just ordered you to. You four, get to the ship." Lewis replied.

"Let me help search commander, we'll find him faster if we-" Lewis cut you off.

"That's an order, Y/L/N. Go."

Beck nudged you forward. You reluctantly allowed him to.

"Johanssen, would the rover IR camera do any good?"

"Negative. IR can't get through sand any better than visible light."

"What about the proximity radar? Could it detect Watney's suit?"

"No way. It's made to see Hermes, not the metal in a single space suit."

"Give it a try," Lewis ordered.

"Commander, I know you don't want to hear this... but Wat-... Mark's dead." Beck said.

No.

No.

Please...

Everything around you was a blur. You went through the motions from training. Strapping yourself in, readying your station, waiting for launch. You couldn't look at the empty seat beside you. You couldn't think about anything but your job right now, If you allowed your thoughts to that dark place, you'd have to be dragged along by the rest of the crew.

You couldn't do that to them. Not now.

Lewis returned to the ship and strapped herself in. "Still at pilot-release," Martinez said softly. "Ready for launch."

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry Commander, you need to verbally-"

"Launch."

You felt the bone-crushing power of ascent. The g's did nothing but forcefully push the tears from your eyes.

You wish it would have been you.

~~~

Mark Watney closed out of the mission log application and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes. He couldn't fathom the hopelessness he was feeling, it was too deep to swim out of. What else was there to do but sit and wait to die? Maybe it would be easier to just go into the airlock and open the doors!

Watney turned his head to a picture of you on the wall behind the computer. It was there among other pictures of the crew and their families. You were standing with your brother in front of one of those rickety wooden roller coasters at Six Flags. He felt a painful twinge in his chest. You thought he was dead and there was no way to tell you otherwise.

He was completely alone, had the whole goddamned planet to himself. Mark rubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck..." he said. "Fuck!" he pulled at the hair on his head before looking up at the picture again. He wished he would have kissed you. He wanted to that morning when you were sharing coffee. He should have said he loved you. Mark hadn't said it in so long.

He knew you like the back of his hand. You were blaming yourself. Everyone in the crew was probably doing the same. He could barely stomach the thought.

Mark grabbed the picture from the wall and shuffled to the bunks. He was so tired and in a lot of pain from the stupid antenna. He was about to settle into his bed, when his eyes landed on yours. After a moment of deliberation, he hobbled into your bunk and pulled the covers up to his chin. It still smelled like you. He buried his face into your pillow and cried.

~~~

You sat in the dining area in the Hermes, watching as the windows slowly spun around. It had been about a week since the incident and you weren't sure you had any more tears left to cry. You did your best to keep on task during your waking hours, only allowing yourself to feel when everyone else was either asleep or taking the piloting shift.

Your fingers drummed lightly against the table, mingling with the beeps, boops, groans, and hums of the ship keeping you safe from the unforgiving vacuum of space. You thought about a lot of things. About Mark, his parents, the house he wanted so badly to buy, his favorite music, his plants growing in the botany lab... The one thing you didn't want to think about was his body, how it would be buried by sand and dust within the year, how Mars would never let it decay. You tried not to think about how if you had just reached for him, maybe he'd still be alive.

"Y/N?" A familiar German accent spoke. You tensed and dared a glance back at Vogel.

"Hey, what's up?" You plastered a grin on your face.

"I have noticed you've not been sleeping. You are... Okay?" He asked, lumbering closer. He was clearly very tired and you felt terrible he was here worrying about you instead of getting some much deserved rest.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm okay Alex, just... Can't sleep." You sighed.

"Have you spoken to doctor Beck? I am sure we have sleep medication on board."

"Oh I know... I just don't really want to bother him, you know? I mean, we're all going through it right now..." You shifted under his gaze.

"You are having bad dreams," Vogel stated. "You're afraid if you sleep, they will come back."

"How could you tell?" You peeked tiredly up at him.

"My little monkeys... before I left, some of them had bad dreams. A father can always tell." He sat down beside you at the table.

You felt your eyes burning again. You hadn't dared ask for comfort from your crew mates, not even Chris. Now that you were receiving it, you wished you had asked for it long ago. There was a hellish cocktail of emotions running through you: relief, sadness, safety, longing, despair. You were so relieved that Alex was here. You were sad to think about how deeply his loved ones must be missing him. You thought about what Alex said about his "little monkeys." Mark would have made a great father if he'd only had the chance.

"You love him. Very much," Vogel said.

"I did..." You whispered.

"You do." Alex grabbed your hand and the tears poured from your eyes. "You do..."

"I do," You let out a choked sob. Vogel pulled you into a gentle hug.

"This pain of loss we feel... It will never go away. But it will get easier to live with as time goes by. This, I promise is true."

"Thank you Alex." You whispered.

"You're welcome..." He patted your back and pulled away. "Now, shall we try some rest?"

"I'll try," you put on a brave face.

"And- what is it?-" He thought aloud. "When first you don't succeed-"

"Try try again," You said with a sad smile. "Words to live by."

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 23

So, I'm still brain storming the whole, "Mark Watney can only really make his potato farm last 90 days," problem. Can't say It's going too well. I'm surrounded by the stench of my own shit. Kinda distracting.

I've made the executive decision to take a long overdue break out in the rover. Sure, logically I know I should probably utilize every spare second on planning my survival right down to the last drop of water, but riddle me this: just who is gonna stop me? Not NASA, that's for sure.

It's funny. I came into the rover to escape the rancid poop smell, but it seems to have followed me. Turns out, I was the poop smell all along! If Y/N were here, they would have forcibly shoved into the shower. They'd say something like... "Don't even think about touching me until you smell like ocean breeze!" (What does ocean breeze even smell like? How do you smell a breeze?...)There are few things in life Y/N hates more than stink. Me being on Mars is probably one of them.

What I would give to see you right now. Even just a dream would be nice, but I guess that's asking too much.

I miss my parents a lot. Maybe that's an understatement. I haven't really let myself think about it, but sitting here in this cramped rover really has my mind wandering. I really should have told them about Y/N. Maybe if things don't work out for me, they could confide in each other.

I don't have much else to say. The calculations aren't done and quite frankly, I'm depressed.

I'll probably scrub this log from the system, It's kind of a downer.

~~~

You had been doing better. Getting at least 6 hours of sleep a day was an accomplishment and you were eating your meals, but a certain date on the calendar was growing closer. You made yourself busier and busier, but no amount of work would keep this day from coming.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 62

On Earth it's January 8th, which is a very special day. Our anniversary! It's official, we've been together for three years! Yeah, yeah I hear you. These logs are for work purposes only, but I promise no one's gonna see this one. Not even you.

I think about that day a lot. It was freezing outside and snowing everywhere. I don't even remember why we walked to the cafe that day, but I'm thankful for it. You were holding your hot cup so tightly and your coat wasn't nearly thick enough for the weather. You were complaining that the snow came early and I laughed at you.

I think we both knew for a long time that this would happen. A year at least. We kept ourselves just at arms length, on the brink of lovers without ever crossing that line. We never discussed it before, but we knew once the mission was over, we'd do it. We'd take that step.

I had wanted to kiss you all day. Want isn't really the word for it. How about craved. Desired? Yearned~

I wrapped my coat around you and you complained again, said that I'd catch a cold and it would all be your fault. The way you looked at me... Still gives me chills when I think about it. It's like I'm still standing on that sidewalk, snowflakes landing on my nose.

I told you, "I can think of something that'll warm us both up..."

You said, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I was right of course. I always am. I just didn't expect you to be so... magnetizing! Like damn babe, you had me weak in the knees! (What am I, a Disney princess?)

I'll be back with you someday. It'll be your anniversary present from me. You're welcome in advance. XOXO - World's Handsomest Boyfriend.

-P.S. You left your deodorant in the Hab. I've been using it. Totally not creepy.

-P.P.S. Who's the stinky one now?

-P.P.P.S. You better be prepared, when I get off this wasteland of a planet, I'm making up for lost time. You aren't gonna be able to walk for AT LEAST a week.

-P.P.P.P.S. I was talking about CUDDLING you perv~

(or was I? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

~~~

This had to be one of the greatest days in Mark Watney's life.

Contact.

Sweet, sweet contact!

[11:18]JPL: Mark, This is Venkat Kapoor. We've been watching you since Sol 49. The whole world's been rooting for you. Amazing job, getting Pathfinder. We're working on rescue plans. JPL is adjusting Ares 4's MDV to do a short overland flight. They'll pick you up, then take you with them to Schiaparelli. We're putting together a supply mission to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives.

Watney could hardly believe it! Everything was working! They had known he was alive since Sol 49! His eyes were brimming and his breathing came out in short gasps as he fought to control himself. He used to take messages for granted, now they're the only tether he has to humanity.

He's not alone anymore.

His hands shook as he wrote out his message.

[11:29]Watney: Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying. I want to make it clear it wasn't the crew's fault. What did they say when they found out I was alive?

Mark shifted in his seat. The reply was taking a bit longer than expected. He hadn't talked to anyone in so long. The thought of being so close, only to fail right in the beginning was terrifying. He wasn't sure he could survive that kind of disappointment.

[11:48]JPL: We haven't told the crew you're alive yet. We wanted them to focus on their own mission.

What. The. Fuck.

Mark covered his face with his hands and released a frustrated groan. "You've got to be shitting me!"

You didn't know. You didn't know he was alive.

"What the fuck? Wha... What the fuck?!" He took a shaky breath and wrestled with his frustration.

[12:05]Watney: They don't know I'm alive? What the fuck? WTF? Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you?

[12:23]JPL: Please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the entire world.

They did not just say that.

After everything he has been through, there is no way JPL just told him to watch his language.

So, that's how they want to play it, huh?

[12:42]Watney: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck shit fuck! Fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck! Oh look! A pair of boobs!-> (.Y.) How's that for watching my language, you goddamned bureaucratic felchers!

NASA got the message loud and clear.

~~~

Four months passed and you fell into a routine. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat. It was predictable, which was something you were thankful for.

You took on Watney's role as the ship's botanist. You weren't as good as him, but really, who was? You couldn't match his skill even if you tried. Still, you followed all of his experiments. Took diligent notes and snapped as many pictures as you could.

Martinez joked that you took better care of the plants than yourself. It was one of those jokes meant to expose an underlying issue: You weren't looking after yourself. There was a shadow hanging over everything you did. The crew was experiencing it too. Mark Watney was one of a kind. Everyone he touched felt his loss so viscerally, so deeply.

You needed time, just like Vogel said. But that didn't mean everyone had to be okay with you beating yourself up like this.

Lewis knew better than anyone how you were feeling. As the Commander, she should have tried a little harder. And you... You were right there in arm's reach. Yes, Lewis knew how you felt only too well.

You heard a faint Knock in the doorway. You looked up from the camera and met Beck's eyes.

"Data dump will be completed soon. Care to join?" He smiled.

You managed a smile back, "Yeah, sure. I'm hoping I got something from my siblings. Maybe my niece and nephew too." You strapped the camera to the wall so it wouldn't float away, then you pushed yourself toward your crewmate.

"How about your parents?" He asked.

"Oh, that's a given. I can't get them to leave me alone," you chuckled.

You floated down to Semicone-A, where everyone else was already waiting for the data dump.

"Is it here yet?" Beck asked.

"Almost, it's at ninety-eight percent." Johanssen shot him a grin.

"You're looking cheerful, Martinez," Beck laughed.

"My son turned three yesterday." He beamed. Should be some pics of the party. How about you?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just some peer reviews of a paper I wrote a few years back."

"Complete," Johanssen said. "All the personal e-mails are dispatched to your laptops. Also there's a telemetry update for Vogel and a system update for me....Huh.... There's a voice message addressed to the whole crew."

"Play it." Lewis shrugged. Everyone gathered around the screen as Beth pressed play.

"Hermes, this is Mitch Henderson," the message started.

"Henderson? Talking directly to us without CAPCOM?"

Lewis raised her hand to signal silence.

"I have some news. There's no subtle way to put this:.....Mark Watney's still alive."

Your stomach dropped.

"Wha-" Beck choked.

"I know that's a surprise. And I know you'll have a lot of questions. We're going to answer those questions. But for now I'll just give you the basics. He's alive and healthy. We found out two months ago and decided not to tell you. I was strongly against all that. We're telling you now because we finally have communication with him and a viable rescue plan. It boils down to Ares 4 picking him up with a modified MDV. We'll get you a full write-up of what happened, but it's definitely not your fault. Mark stresses that every time it comes up."

You clenched your eyes shut as they burned painfully with tears.

"Take some time to absorb this. Your science schedules are cleared for tomorrow. Send all the questions you want and we'll answer them. Henderson out."

Silence fell over the bridge.

"He...He's alive?" Martinez beamed.

"He lives." Vogel nodded excitedly and squeezed your shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Beck laughed. "Holy shit! Commander! He's alive!"

"I left him behind," Lewis muttered.

You covered your eyes with your hands, fighting to stay quiet.

"No, hey... we all left togeth-"

"You followed orders...I left him behind. In a barren, unreachable, godforsaken wasteland." Lewis scowled and trudged off the bridge.

Everyone stood around the console. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Y/N?" Chris asked softly.

"Are you okay?" Beth added.

You shook your head. You couldn't look at any of them right now.

"I need a minute..." you said softly before hurrying back out of the Semicone. You retreated back to the comfort of the botany lab. It was all so much to process.

First Mark is dead, you left him behind to die. Then Mark is alive, you left him behind to die. He doesn't want you to blame yourselves, it was terrible luck. He's healthy. He can contact Earth. Mars is a desolate planet. He's all alone. On an entire planet. You left him there. He will never be safe until he's back on Earth soil. It will be four years until Ares 4 arrives.

He will be alone on Mars for four years.

You left him there.

~~~

Y/N,

I'm typing this letter to you because talking to you relaxes me. I won't actually be sending this to you. It's not going to be professional in nature like the other notes I've sent you. (JPL says that you have received all of them, but have neglected to send me any of your responses. The only one I have gotten from any of the crew was one from Lewis. She invited me for beer to make up for leaving me on Mars.)

Anyway, some bad stuff happened. I wish you were here. Not because I want you to have been launched by an airlock. Never that. I just really fucking miss you. I really need you right now. I almost died last night. I had to do some serious surgery on my suit to keep me alive and I had to sift through the dilapidated remnants of the Hab to find a new one.

I'm so tired. I just want you to hold me. I'm so sick of all of this. Fuck Mars, Fuck the Hab. I'm so sick and tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed. I miss you so much. You make every one of my bad days good. I know if you were here, everything would be okay again.

Why did this have to happen?

Mars keeps throwing curve balls at me, but I'm not giving up. I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to focus on that.

-Mark

P.S. Your bed stopped smelling like you a month ago.

~~~

The crew of Ares 3 met in the Rec. A secret message had arrived not even an hour ago. One that would alter their mission by 533 extra days.

"Are we going to do it?" Johanssen asked.

"I won't lie, I'd sure as hell like to. But this isn't a normal decision. This is something NASA expressly rejected. We're talking about mutiny. And that's not a word I throw around lightly," Lewis explained. "We'll only do it if we all agree. And before you answer, consider the consequences. If we mess up the supply rendezvous, we die. If we mess up the Earth gravity assist, we die. If we do everything correctly, we add 533 days to our mission. 533 days of unplanned space travel where anything could go wrong. Maintenance will be a hassle. Something might break that we can't fix. If it's life-critical, we die."

"Sign me up!" Martinez announced, causing you to smile. At least someone else was as enthusiastic to bring Mark home as you were.

"Easy, cowboy. You and I are military. There's a good chance we'd be court-martialed when we get home. As for the rest of you, I guarantee they'll never send you up again," Lewis said.

"If we do this," Vogel looked to you and back at Lewis. "It would mean over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return."

You couldn't have possibly said it better yourself. It was like Alex was reading your mind.

"Sounds like Vogel's in. Me too obviously," Martinez laughed.

"Let's do it," Beck agreed.

"If you think it'll work, I trust you," Johanssen said.

Lewis nodded and turned to you. "Y/L/N?"

"You don't even need to ask me. Let's go get our boy," You smiled.

Wow. This is the first time you've smiled... a real smile, since leaving Mars.

'Hang in there babe,' You thought. 'I'm on my way.'

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 192-2

Yep, another secret letter do my dear, long lost love~ How predictable. I don't really care, today's been a great day. I can't believe you're coming back for me! Here I was, thinking I'd have to survive without you for four years. Then there you go, riding in from the sunset to bring me home.

Logically I know the rest of the crew had something to do with it, but I kind of like the idea that maybe I am a Disney princess and you're my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me.

It's like the story of Rapunzel, except my tower is a whole planet and instead of catching my hair, you're catching my MAV. Now that I think about it, the stories are more different than they are similar.

That hardly matters though, what does matter is that for the first time I actually feel like I'll survive. I trust our team with every fiber of my being, but most of all I trust you. I'm gonna rest easy tonight. And in the morning I'll start my work on the rovers!

See you in about a year babe! I'll be counting down the hours. Literally.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 426

Happy anniversary Y/N! You thought I'd forget? Never! You know why that is? Because I fucking love you, that's why!

Four years we've been together as of today, that's assuming we are counting the year we've been apart as "being together", (which I do.) Today I'm really beating myself up over frying Pathfinder with my drill all those months ago. It was my only form of communication with you and I royally fucked it up.

You'd think that cutting myself off from Earth, NASA and humanity at large would be what upset me the most. Nope, it's the fact that I can't send you a super sneaky secret anniversary e-mail. I also missed my parents' birthdays, your birthday, Christmas AND Thanksgiving. Twice. Also, fucking Valentine's day! I used to hate that holiday before I met you.

Anyway, as you can see, I totally have all my priorities in order! Also! I got you a present~ Since you have no way to read this, I don't feel bad spoiling it for you. I found a little rock. It's in the shape of a heart.

Awwww wow! That's cute, I just realized that I'm giving you my heart for our anniversary! To be honest, you had it a long time ago.

I miss you. I miss your smell, your eyes, the feel of your skin. Most of all, I really, really miss your voice. I just want to hear you. I've forgotten what you sound like. I'm scared If I didn't have this picture of you and your brother, I'd forget what your face looks like too.

I'm starting my long commute to Schiaparelli in 23 days. It'll be a two month drive. I really hate driving in the rover. But if it gets me to you, who cares? I'm stalling. I've got a lot of work tomorrow and I just want to enjoy today. I wish I was there with you to enjoy it obviously, but we can't all get what we want (least of all, me.) I've learned how to settle.

Speaking of settling, what do you think about getting married in the woods, or a big grassy field? I'd like there to be as much green as possible. No red or orange, we're talking the opposite side of the color wheel here. I can picture you walking down the aisle. I'll be an absolute mess, but who cares. You're the love of my life. Thanks for, y'know, coming back to pick me up instead of leaving me to die on Mars.

I hope you like the rock.

-Mark

P.S. I grew a beard and my hair looks like the 80's had a baby with a grease monster. You'd hate it.

P.P.S. I hope you're into pirates~

P.P.P.S. Y/N Watney... Mark Y/L/N... hmmmmm, so hard to choose!

P.P.P.P.S. We are never eating potatoes again.

P.P.P.P.P.S And ABSOLUTELY NO DISCO MUSIC!

~~~

You stared at Mars creeping back into view. The last time you were here, Mark was sitting beside you, arm around your waist, your head on his shoulder. Maybe it wasn't your most subtle of moments, but how could anyone not be enthralled by the beauty of the red planet? Even now it was hard not to feel stricken with wonder.

Sometimes your mind played tricks on you. You'd see a speck of dust on the window and think you could see Watney on the surface. That was ridiculous of course, There is no possible way to see an individual person this far out. That didn't stop you from imagining it.

NASA had briefed everyone on the Martian's health, explained that he wouldn't look the same as the last time you saw him. You expected as much, but the thought still worried you. It wasn't that you were worried if you'd still find him attractive, there was no force on Earth or beyond that could change how much you loved Mark Watney. It was his health that worried you.

During all your back and forth questions with NASA that Henderson had arranged, you inquired about his health. They said he was doing well, but that he was stretching his little amount of food to its limits. That's what scared you the most. How would his immune system fare? How would he acclimate back to normal food on Earth? All of these questions went unanswered. NASA was honest, "we won't know for sure until he gets here."

"Mind if I join you?" Lewis asked softly, floating a short distance away.

"Of course Commander. I'd like the company," You said. It was surprising to realize you actually meant it. It'd been awhile since you wanted to spend time with anyone.

Melissa floated further into the cupola and settled beside you.

"Crazy to think that in a few days he'll be up here with us again..." Lewis said softly.

"Yeah..." you said softly, keeping your eyes ahead.

"I know how much you miss him... You two were always great friends."

You swallowed hard and tried to ignore the pit in your stomach as you nodded. "Yeah..."

You could see Lewis looking at you out of the corner of your eye. Her expression was conflicted. "I'm really sorry this happened. I know it's been hard on you. I should have searched a little longer-"

"Commander." You stopped her from continuing. "You did all you could. You made the right decision. I wish none of this had happened, but none of this was your fault. It couldn't have been easy to make the choice, and I'm willing to bet that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it. I'm sure everyone else feels the same exact way, Mark included." You placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, that's... Thank you," Melissa smiled.

"We're a team, that's what we do. We keep each other grounded."

"That's actually sort of what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"What do you mean?"

"NASA just sent the message a few minutes ago. They're letting us talk to Watney... Directly," Lewis said. You blinked in surprise. No matter how many times you asked, NASA wouldn't allow any kind of direct communication. You wondered why the sudden change of heart.

"Henderson thinks we need to remind him of what he has to look forward to, keep his eyes on the prize so to speak. At least, that's how he's been pitching it to the director. Anyway, the rest of the crew and I agree you should be the one to do it," she finished.

"R-really? I can talk to him?" You asked hopefully, hoping this wasn't a dream.

"Y/N, I can't think of anyone else he would need to hear from more."

~~~

Mark was waiting by the coms in the MAV for any final updates from NASA regarding the meticulous destruction of his ship, piece by piece. He had just finished taking out the main window and it was heavy as hell, even in Mars gravity. He was happy he at least had some time to rest after all that hard work. If he was lucky, maybe they'd wait too long and it would be too dark to get any work done. He could use a good sleep, it seemed like he was needing it more and more lately. Watney suddenly heard the telltale beeps that signaled an incoming message. He was expecting a barrage of questions about his progress, instead he got something so much better.

[19:22] Y/L/N: Hey, Mark.

Mark's voice got caught in his throat.

Y/N.

It had been so fucking long since he talked to you. His eyes burned and his hands shook. Watney leaned his head back in relief, thanking god for this incredible gift. "I just about gave up on you man..." Mark smiled to the sky before nervously typing back.

[19:23] MAV: Y/N!? Holy crap! They're finally letting you talk to me directly?

You released a sigh and covered your face with your hands. He was responding! Really responding! Everyone was looking at you. Beck beamed at you while Martinez watched on with interest. Lewis was waiting to see if you could handle it. No way you were gonna let this one chance slip through your fingers. You sniffed and wiped your eyes before responding.

[19:24] Y/L/N: Yes, NASA just gave the OK for direct communication an hour ago. We're only 35 light-seconds apart, so we can talk in near-real time. Johanssen just set up the system and I'm testing it out.

Mark sighed and smiled. Level headed and professional as always. How you had such self control, he had no idea.

[19:24] MAV: What took them so long to let us talk?

You looked up at Lewis, silently asking if you could relay the truth. She nodded.

[19:25] Y/L/N: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: Why? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival?

Mark typed without thinking and as soon as he hit send, he regretted it. He didn't want you to feel bad, It was a joke. You'd understand that right?

[19:26] Y/L/N: Not funny. Don't make me come down there and kick you.

Watney let out a choked laugh. Half a chuckle and half a sob.

[19:26] MAV: God I missed you.

You smiled at the screen and pushed down the urge to hug Martinez behind you. You were really talking to him! He was only 35 light-seconds away! Suddenly you realized you were blessed with an opportunity even more amazing than just talking with him. You could ask him what you had been asking in all of your disregarded emails!

[19:27] Y/L/N: We missed you too. I've had to take over the botany lab. You'll be happy to know I haven't killed any of your plants...Yet. How are you feeling? We've gotten a few updates from NASA regarding your health, but nothing in incredible detail.

Watney chuckled at the text appearing in front of him. 'Cute,' he thought.

[19:27] MAV: Awwww, are you worried about me?

The crew laughed and you shook your head, swiftly adding your response.

[19:28] Y/L/N: Do I really need to answer that?

Mark snickered and decided not to tease you. He wanted to tell you all of his woes and adequately prepare you for how much he had changed. But he didn't want to put a damper on the mood. Luckily, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] MAV: I'm doing okay. My clothing feels a little loose and I'm craving spaghetti. I'm also in desperate need of a shower. Other than that, I'm just fine. Looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the crew.

Your smile fell. You were happy he was being at least somewhat honest, but you knew it was probably worse than he was making out to be. Unfortunately, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] Y/L/N: We're looking forward to seeing you too. I think it's safe to say a big group hug is in order, if I can get Vogel in on it that is.

Watney hummed at the thought of holding you in his arms. The image was so clear, yet so far away.

[19:30] MAV: At this point, I'd even settle for holding hands. Group hug sounds nice. How are you doing Y/N? I wrote you a lot of emails.

You grimaced and thought your next words through very carefully. With the crew watching, it was hard to collect your thoughts.

[19:31] Y/L/N: I wrote you plenty of my own. There was only so much air time to be used outside of helping you survive. My guess is they put priority on Commander Lewis' emails. Rightfully so of course. I'm doing fine. I've missed you a lot. To be honest, a lot is probably a huge understatement. It's hard to express exactly what I want to say over message.

Mark nodded. You watched him presumably die, leave his 'body' behind, mourn his loss over a period of months, find out you left him there alive, be unable to talk to him for about a year, and suddenly he was here reading and responding to your messages, but you have to limit the details so as to keep those private thoughts private. He couldn't imagine what he would do if the roles were reversed. What you wanted to say needed to be kept between you and him. He understood. There was a lot he wanted to say too.

[19:32] MAV: I know what you mean. I'll be there soon, then you can tell me all about it in person. And I'll tell you all about my space crops and my long voyage to the MAV. Have I mentioned I'm a space pirate?

The crew laughed and for a moment, it felt like he was there. Really there.

[19:33] Y/L/N: Good to know you're still the funniest person on Mars. [19:33] MAV: Thanks! [19:33] MAV: Wait a minute! Rude! Don't make me come up there! [19:34] Y/L/N: Don't threaten me with a good time, Watney. [19:34] MAV: ;)

You were about to make some really elaborate emoji out of parentheses and dots, when you saw a notification from NASA. Playtime was over. You scowled as you broke the news to your boyfriend.

[19:34] Y/L/N: I hate to cut this short, but NASA wants us to keep the line open. We'll be in touch asking for updates on your progress, but don't expect too much witty banter.

Mark's heart sank a little, but there was no use in leaving such a perfect night on a sour note.

[19:35] MAV: Figures. NASA never lets me do anything fun! Tell the others I said hi. [19:36] Y/L/N: I'll be sure to pass it along!

Mark's leg tapped nervously. He knew NASA was right about keeping the line open, but he really didn't want it to end yet.

[19:36] MAV: Hey, thanks for coming to get my sorry ass. [19:36] Y/L/N: No thanks necessary. We'd do it a million times over.

Watney knew you meant it. He could feel the warmth through the bland MAV text on the screen. He couldn't wait to be up there with you...But what if something went wrong? Fuck, don't think about this now! Everything's going to be fine! Right? But what if... There was always a chance, especially on Mars, that things would not go your way. And the likelihood of him surviving this mission was slim at best. He needed to tell you. He should have said it a lot more. A whisper here and there in the hallways, maybe some stupid middle school secret code. Like hell he was going to pass up this one chance, consequences be damned.

[19:37] MAV: I love you, Y/N.

Your heart lurched in your chest. The room fell silent. Martinez lightly squeezed your shoulder. Your eyes flitted around the room to your colleagues. All of them stared with bewildered looks on their faces. What were you supposed to say? What if you got him in trouble? If he was worried about that, why would he send this in the first place?

'You know what, Fuck it,' you thought.

Watney watched the screen with baited breath. "Please..." He whispered. "Please."

[19:38] Y/L/N: I love you too Mark. Sleep well, we'll be there before you know it.

Mark released a cry of joy and typed through the tears.

[19:39] MAV: You too. Goodnight. [19:39] Y/L/N: Goodnight, Mark.

The line received no new messages after that. Mark rested there a moment before retreating back to the rover. Once the airlock had engaged, he removed his helmet and admired the picture of you and your brother he had taped to the rover computer.

He used to take those words for granted. Why say it when you could show it? He showed it to you as often as he could... At least he used to. You never made him question it for a second. You gave him compliments, brought him water on late nights, listened to his nerdy ramblings about plants and D&D. He'd help you to bed when you were too tired to stand, work out the knots in your shoulders while you typed. Over a year has passed and your grip on his heart is still firm. And when you said those three little words, all of it made sense again. Mark Watney would never again question the power of I love you. He was going to remind you every chance he got. He was going to ask you for it as often as possible. His mom and dad would hear it in every phone call, and no more excluding his friends. He loved them too. He would say it until the term loses all meaning, then he'd remember this night where I love you saved his life.

Mark took off his gloves and danced his thin fingers over the photograph.

"See you soon, baby..." He whispered, "I love you."

~~~

You pulled on your headset and took a deep, self soothing breath. In an hour, the love of your life was going to be launched into Mars's orbit in what could barely be considered a MAV. The thing was a Frankenstein version of the shuttle you had taken off the planet nearly two years ago.

You shook your head. What Mark needed right now was confidence. You could do that.

"How you feeling Y/L/N?" Martinez smiled over at you.

"Like I'm gonna throw up," You laughed.

"Anxious huh?" He smirked, "For the launch, or for your man?"

"Both," You smacked his arm and rolled your eyes. Martinez and Beck hadn't stopped giving you crap for the I love you texts. You didn't mind too much, it was nice being able to acknowledge that side of your relationship with Mark. Unfortunately it made for some rather awkward conversations with the NASA administrators.

"You got nothing to worry about, he's in good hands," Rick said reassuringly.

"I know, we're all badass trained professionals with years of experience," you chuckled. "I can't help it. I'm built to worry."

"You've checked and double checked the telemetry. Johanssen confirmed all of your calculations. It's going to be a smooth ride for sure."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

//////////

Mark scowled at his reflection in the mirror and stroked his beard. He looked like shit, no way around it. He hadn't taken a moment to really look at himself for a long time and he couldn't say he liked what he saw.

"It's the end of an era," Watney said to nobody as he grabbed the razor. "No more captain blonde-beard."

Mark took his time shaving his chin and trimming the hair on his head. By the end of it, he still looked like shit but slightly less so. He felt a little more like himself at least.

He patted his chest to make sure the picture was still there, tucked under his uniform. It was there, along with his anniversary present to you. He slipped the headset over his ears and turned it on. It was nearly time to go. Watney pulled the suit on over his head and double checked if it was all on securely.

"I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another..." He whispered. "About fucking time."

//////////

"Fuel engine green," Your voice seemed to cause time itself to slow down. Not just for Mark, but for the entire world. "Engine alignment, perfect." Mark closed his eyes took a series of deep breaths, trying in vain to keep his emotions in check. "Communications five by five. We are ready for preflight checklist, Commander."

"Copy." Lewis said. "Mission Control, this is Hermes actual. We will proceed on schedule. we have T minus two minutes, ten seconds to launch... Mark." The commander turned her attention to the man of the hour. "About two minutes Watney. How you doing down there?"

"I'm good." He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "I'm anxious to get up to you. Thanks for coming back for me."

You sniffed and shot a smile to Johanssen, who sent you a grin of her own.

"We're going to make it happen. Remember, You'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay if you pass out. You're in Martinez's hands."

"Well, tell that asshole no barrel rolls."

"Copy that, MAV."

"CAPCOM."

"Go," you said.

Mark's bottom lip quivered

"Guidance."

"Go," Johanssen said.

"Remote Command."

"Go," Martinez said.

"Telemetry."

"Go," you said again.

He couldn't fight it anymore, he let the tears fall.

"Recovery."

"Go," Beck said.

"Secondary Recovery."

"Go," Vogel said.

"Pilot."

Mark steadied his voice before speaking, "go."

"Mission control, we are go for launch. T minus ten," You said.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Five."

Mark closed his eyes and focused on your voice. "See you in a few, baby..." He whispered.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

The force of the blast was incredible, and growing more painful by the second. His breathing came out short and panicked as the Hab canvas rattled nightmarishly against the MAV. His panic only increased as the canvas ripped from the shuttle, exposing him to the full force of the MAV's thrust. He couldn't even scream. All he could do was watch the sky grow darker and darker.

"Watney." He heard your voice from far away.

"Watney, do you read me?" Your voice called again. His eyes drooped and his vision faded.

//////////

"Watney. Do you read?" You asked in the calmest voice you could muster.

"He's probably passed out. He pulled 12 g's on the ascent. Give him a few minutes," Beck said.

"Copy that." You said and turned your attention on the numbers before you. "I have interval pings. Intercept velocity will be eleven meters per second."

"I can make that work," Beck confirmed.

"Distance at intercept will be....we'll be sixty-eight kilometers apart..." You whimpered and buried your face in your hands.

"Did they say sixty-eight Kilometers? Kilometers?!" Beck cried.

"Keep it together, work the problem. Martinez, any juice left in the MAV?" Lewis asked.

"Negative, Commander."

"Then we'll have to go to him. Y/L/N, time to intercept?"

"Thirty-nine minutes, twelve seconds," You steeled yourself and focused on your coordinates.

"Martinez, what if we point the attitude thrusters all the same direction?" Lewis asked.

"Depends on how much we want to save for the attitude adjustments on the trip home."

"How much do you need?"

"I could get by with maybe twenty percent of what's left. If I use the other eighty percent... We'd get a delta-v of thirty-one meters per second."

"Y/L/N, Math."

"In thirty-nine minutes, we'd deflect....seventy-two kilometers! Use seventy-five point five percent of remaining attitude adjust fuel. That'll bring the intercept range to zero," You did the math quickly.

"Do it." Lewis said.

"Hold your horses, that'll get the range to zero, but the velocity will be forty-two meters per second."

"Then we have thirty-nine minutes to figure out how to slow down. Burn the jets."

//////////

Mark awoke to find himself spinning. Flashes of stars and the red glow of the Martian surface had him feeling a little dizzy. "MAV to Hermes?"

"Watney?" You gasped.

"Affirmative," he grunted.

"What's your status?" You asked calmly.

"Uhhh..." He winced and leaned back in his seat. "My chest hurts. I think I broke a rib. How are you, sweetheart?" He groaned.

"We're working on getting to you," you relayed. "There was a complication in the launch."

"Yeah," Watney dejectedly looked at the massive hole in the roof of his ship. "The canvas didn't hold. I think it ripped early in the ascent."

"That's consistent with what we saw during the launch," Lewis agreed.

"How bad is it, Commander?" he asked.

"We were able to correct the intercept range with Hermes's attitude thrusters, but there's a problem with the intercept velocity."

"How big a problem."

"Forty-two meters per second."

"Well..." Mark paused and tried to wrap his head around that number. "Shit."

//////////

You typed furiously, staring at your screen unblinkingly as you worked through all the possible ways to bring down the velocity.

"Hey, I've got an idea," Watney said.

"Of course you do, what have you got?" Lewis asked.

"I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to control it pretty easily."

"How does he come up with this shit?" Martinez laughed.

"I can't see you having any control if you did. You'd be eyeballing the intercept using a thrust vector you can barely control."

"I admit it's fatally dangerous, but consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man."

"We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said.

"Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man."

"Stand by," Lewis temporarily cut contact with Watney.

You furrowed your brows at the screen, waiting for the correct course of action to jump out at you. Suddenly, there it was. "Wait! that's it!" you looked back at the Commander. "Mark's a genius! We could use the ship's atmosphere as thrust. We could blow the vehicular airlock. Seal the bridge and the reactor room. Iron Man... But bigger!"

"....." Melissa stared at you for a moment before addressing Alex. "Vogel?"

"Yes commander?"

"I need you to come inside and make a bomb," she ordered.

~~~

"I have visual, I can see the MAV," Beck said. "Jesus Mark, what did you do to that thing?"

"You should see the rover," Mark radioed. He was ready to get out of his goddamned chair, ready to get away from this hunk of junk that could barely be considered a MAV.

"Call out my velocity to Mark every two seconds or so," Chris said.

"Copy." You responded.

"Hey Beck, the front's wide open. I'll get up there and be ready to grab at you." Watney said.

"Negative, no untethered movement. Stay strapped to your chair until you're attached to Beck."

"Copy." Mark huffed. Lewis was right, impatience would be the death of him out here and he had come too far to die now. Instead, he focused on your voice calling out the relative velocity.

"Three point one meters per second."

"Eleven meters to target."

"Six meters."

"Contact." Beck grabbed the canvas of the destroyed MAV. "Firm contact."

"You have fourteen seconds Dr. Beck."

"Copy."

Nothing could have prepared Watney for how he'd feel seeing Beck's helmet poking through the opening.

Pure. Unadulterated. Serotonin.

"Visual on Watney!"

"Visual on Beck!"

"How ya doin' man?" Beck pushed himself toward Mark, meanwhile Mark was trying not to have another emotional breakdown.

"I....I just...Give me a minute, you're the first person I've seen in eighteen months," Watney croaked.

"We don't have a minute," Beck clumsily collided with Mark. "Contact with Watney... Connected!"

"Restraints off," Watney called.

"We're outta here!"

//////////

"Houston, this is Hermes actual. Seven crew safely aboard," Lewis's voice echoed in your mind as you, Martinez, Johanssen, and Lewis pushed yourselves toward the airlock where Vogel and Beck were bringing him in.

Mark.

You could see his dusty helmet from the small window on the airlock. Already you were feeling an overwhelming ache deep in your chest. There he was, only a few feet away, behind this door. Your crewmates flew in and clambered for Watney.

"Hey guys!" He laughed.

You were frozen in the doorway.

His helmet came off.

Everything slowed down.

Everyone was smiling and laughing. High fiving. Quick hugs. They all wanted to get as far away from the smell as they could.

Your eyes met.

There were beads of what looked like water floating in the air. When did you start crying?

Mark held out his arms to you and you wasted no more time. He hugged you as tightly as he could with the bulky arms of his EVA suit. His face buried into your neck as he cried softly. "Y/N...." He whispered in a broken voice. "Y-Y/N?"

"I'm right here Mark... Right here." You cradled the back of his head, scratching that spot at the base of his neck. He always liked it when you did that

"I stink, don't I?" Watney laughed in between sobs.

"You do. You really do," You tried to keep up the joke. "But if im being completely honest, I couldn't possibly care less," you laughed.

Slowly, you pulled back so you could get a good look at his face. He was thin. Gaunt, and covered in bed sores. That should have been expected of course, It's not like he had anywhere to shower in the rover. He looked at you like you were an angel. He looked embarrassed, like he wanted to hide.

Your fingers danced over his cheek and his eyes fluttered closed at the tenderness. The crew watched on with pride and varying degrees of bashfulness.

Mark opened his eyes and stared at you pleadingly as orbs of tears flowed from their corners. "Y/N... Please..." He whispered.

You didn't hesitate for a second.

You grabbed the sides of Mark's face and smashed your lips against his. So soft... your hands are so soft and your lips are trembling. The heat of your skin, the scent of your hair. It was even better than he remembered. He couldn't breathe, he could barely even think. He wanted so desperately to kiss you back, to fall into your embrace until there's no space left between, but his ribs hurt like hell and his suit was in the way. Mark whimpered as your fingers tangled into his hair. Fuck. Fuck. 'Everything hurts baby, please don't stop kissing me,' he pleaded in his head. 'Don't stop.'

When you started pulling away, he reached out to pull you closer again, but winced when he moved his arm.

"Slow down, baby." You breathed and pressed a little smooch to his forehead.

"Alright love birds, I need to get Iron Man over here to sick bay."

"But-" Watney protested.

"No buts, you need an X-ray and a shower. Maybe three." Beck laughed.

Mark looked at you pleadingly and you caressed his face. "I'll be by once Beck fixes you up. I gotta help check the ship for damage. Okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "Don't miss me too much~"

"You seek the impossible, Watney." You kissed his forehead again and let Chris lead your Martian down the hall to his quarters.

"Wow," Martinez said "I can't decide if that was incredibly romantic or incredibly awkward."

"Shut up Martinez," You playfully shoved his shoulder.

"Honestly though, he smells terrible! You've got some nerves of steel, Y/L/N," Johanssen joked.

"My boyfriend just spent eighteen months alone on a remote planet, If he wants a kiss he's gonna get that goddamned kiss. Definitely not a quick one and definitely not a half-assed one. But I will say one thing," you grinned.

"What's that?" Lewis smirked.

"He's not getting another one until he brushes his teeth."

~~~

Mark settled into his bunk after what felt like hours. He finally had a bath. Five, in fact. The showers were on a timer to conserve water. He had to run that timer five times before he finally felt clean. The water hurt the sores on his skin, but he felt so much better afterward that he almost wanted to go in for a sixth one. Mark brushed his teeth about three times and got rid of all the tangles in his hair. He'd need someone to touch up the cutting job he did. Now that it was all brushed out, it looked astoundingly bad.

After his long grooming session, Beck took an X-ray and determined that he'd broken two ribs. Chris bandaged him up, gave him some pain medicine, made him eat, and sent him to bed for some well deserved rest. At first, Mark protested. He hated the idea of everyone else fixing the ship while their lead engineer was taking a nap. But he was painfully tired and painfully...well... in pain.

Hey! His bunk didn't smell like shit! That's a huge upgrade from his bunk in the Hab- no more thinking about that place.

With a deep groan, Watney eased himself into bed. Weird...his sheets smelled like you. He didn't mind of course, you always smelled nice. He had never been more thankful for the centripetal force spinning the ship. He would have hated having broken ribs in zero g's. He imagined trying to sleep with his body constantly moving ever so slightly. Sounded like hell to him.

Mark wondered what the others were doing. He hoped there wasn't something too terribly wrong with the ship. The subtle groans of metal didn't ease his nerves. He was never scared of the Hermes before, but he was just now coming to terms with that fact that the ship had taken some serious abuse over the past few months, not to mention the past few hours. Normally Hermes would undergo maintenance after each mission, but because they turned around to get him that maintenance was scrapped.

New fear unlocked: Dooming his team to die in space because they had to turn around and get him.

He almost thought the knocking on his door was the hull breaking apart into a billion little bite-sized pieces.

"Come in," he said.

He expected it to be Beck checking in on him, but he was relieved when you poked your head in with a shy smile.

"Heyyyy, look over there! It's the world's handsomest boyfriend!" You said with gusto.

"You are such a kiss ass," Mark laughed, which hurt his ribs, which made him laugh again from how pitiful he must look.

You scoffed as you stepped into his quarters, shutting the door behind you. "You calling me a liar?" you grabbed a loose storage box and used it as a chair so you could sit beside his bed.

"That's exactly what I'm calling you," he smirked. "Seriously. Have you seen me lately? I look like a... a popsicle stick with a bad haircut."

You looked him up and down. His sores looked a lot better after cleaning them. You had no doubt they would heal nicely. The malnourishment on the other hand... That might take some work. You and Beck already had a few dietary plans for him. You discussed it while you reorganized the chow hall. Still, Mark was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Even now, those alluring blue eyes were mesmerizing you. And let's not forget that goddamned tantalizing smile.

"I'm looking at you right now, babe," You giggled.

"And?"

"You're still as gorgeous as ever. Just a gorgeous man who's been through some shit," you carded your fingers through his hair. Mark hummed and closed his eyes. "How are you feeling?" you whispered.

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Emotionally, happy. Very happy. Best day of my life kind of happy," he smiled. "Physically, pretty shitty. The medicine hasn't kicked in."

"Anything I can do to help you feel better?" you asked warmly.

Watney sent you a smug look, "Oh, I can think of a few things that might help~"

"Not until your ribs are healed."

"Damn."

You leaned down and pushed his hair back so you could kiss his forehead. He gave you a dazed grin, "oh, what do you know? I feel better already," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "... I really missed you..."

"I missed you too Mark..."

"I can't believe I can... I can feel you again. I can hear you and see you and feel you... s'insane..." He reached up and cupped your cheek despite the pain. "You were always on my mind. I-I just really wanted... I wanted to make it back to you." He brought his thumb just under your eye to catch a stray tear.

You covered his hand with yours and pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I-I don't even know what to say... I've been feeling so much, I don't know how to... how to-" He swallowed hard.

"Everything's changed so fast," you reassured him. "But we aren't on the messaging system anymore. It's a long journey home, we have plenty of time to find the right words," you continued to run your fingers into his hair.

"I fucking love you... " he closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of your nails against his scalp. "I'm gonna marry you one day, decided just now."

"Just now?" You snickered.

"No...Realistically, it was the first night we uh... slept together. Do you remember that?" Watney chuckled.

"Of course I do," you smiled, thinking of his messy blonde hair, searing gaze, and strong arms. He took his time with you that night, unhurried, attentive, and unabashedly vocal. "How could I forget?"

Mark shook his head and looked away to hide his blush, but not even his smile could distract you from it. "Sorry, sorry. Go on, continue!"

"Well, I uh..." He let out a sheepish chuckle. "Obviously every part of that night was perfect, but it's what happened after that really changed things."

"Oh?" you leaned closer, curiosity getting the better of you.

"You let me be the little spoon. I'm fine with being the big spoon most of the time, but you gotta be the little spoon sometimes, you know? No one ever let me be the little spoon before you... And when I woke up, you were still holding me." His fingertips danced down your arm, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. Once he reached your hand, Mark intertwined your fingers. It wasn't a conscious movement for him, simply muscle memory. But you couldn't keep your mind off of it. "I know I goof around a lot, but I can't stress how serious I'm being when I say... I have never felt that loved before. It was just... such a perfect night. I knew that you were the one for me well before, but that was the first time I really saw my future flash before my eyes like that."

Your eyes stung a little as you tenderly kissed his lips. "Want to know when I decided?" you whispered against him.

"Please..." He whispered back.

"Remember when I had that terrible flu during the first year of our training program?"

"Oh damn, yeah I do! You looked terrible, baby." Mark teased.

"I felt terrible. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I definitely couldn't go to lectures... I was so worried about missing, even though the professors agreed there was no way I could come to class. You brought me a copy of your notes. The copy machine in the library was down, so you had to write them by hand... you even filled them with these horrible stick figure drawings," you laughed and Mark brought your knuckles to his lips and watched you, immersed in the sound of your voice. It was like he was trying to commit you to memory. You were doing much the same.

"Anyway, you stayed with me and you made some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. You stopped by everyday until I got better."

"We were just friends back then," he whispered against your hand.

"I know, but every time I think about how much I love you... that memory comes back, playing on repeat."

"Say that again."

"That again," you smirked. Mark gave you a sassy eyebrow. "Which part babe?" you laughed.

"The uh..." he trailed off.

You lightly kissed his cheek, "I love you, Mark... I love you so much." You peppered his face with little smooches. When you finally pulled back, he was all red again and teary eyed.

"I love you too, Y/N," He whispered. You sat together in silence for awhile before Mark suddenly remembered something extremely important! "Oh shit! I almost forgot!" He winced as he reached into his pocket. "Happy late four year anniversary!" He finally presented you with his gift.

Your fingers trembled as you took the little rock into your hands. Mark's Martian heart stared back up at you, dusting your palm orange.

"Y-you remembered our anniversary?"

"Of course I remembered! Have I ever forgotten before?" Mark smirked.

"N-no, but..." You couldn't help it, you were crying again god dammit. "Thank you Mark, I love it." You beamed and kissed him so hard he lost his entire train of thought. He sighed and pulled you closer like he had wanted to do hours ago. Fuck. There you go again, playing with his hair like it wasn't going to rile him up. He moaned and reached for your waist, only to be pulled swiftly back to reality by the jarring pain in his abdomen. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mark." You pulled away quickly.

"It wasn't you, I was getting too carried away." He winced and took a deep breath. "My bad," Watney laughed.

You sat down on the crate beside his bed and settled for playing with his hand. While you took inventory of every new callus, Mark once again saw his future flash right before his eyes. You and him and that little house with the green shutters. He's gonna have the best garden in the neighborhood, you'll have all the time in the world for reading. No potatoes. No disco.

"Y/N... Can you hold me?"

"Oh baby, I would love to but the beds are so small-"

"Ouch, oof, oh! ow!" He scooted closer to the wall to make room for you.

You sighed and shook your head. "Mark, your ribs-"

"Please..." he whispered. Dammit! What are you supposed to do when he gives you the puppy eyes!? Beck is going to kill you...

"I can't ever say no to you, can I?" You laughed and scooted into the bed. "Seriously, you've got me wrapped around your finger."

Mark smiled as you tucked yourself into his side. He wanted to be the little spoon, but he couldn't turn over so his back was against your chest. He'd just have to heal quickly, then he could freely snuggle, (and do other things) without any constraints!

He turned his head so he could admire your lovely, beautiful face. You were already looking back at him, one hand holding your rock close to your chest, the other was draped carefully over his waist. Mark swears he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his life.

He slowly leaned closer- Fuck! His ribs hurt so bad, where the hell is the Vicodin when you need it?

You gently smoothed out the crease between his brows with your thumb and pushed his hair back again. Mark closed his eyes, succumbing to the bliss that came with knowing he would never be alone again. You kissed him again and pulled his blanket over the both of you.

"I love you, Mark."

"I love you too."

He felt your hand slip under his shirt and onto his stomach. You drew soft shapes onto his skin, but stopped when you felt the scar just above the hem of his pants. It was jagged and angry.

He swallowed.

Much to his surprise and relief, you didn't pull your hand away. You just kept tracing the new territory.

He sighed and kissed your temple. His body shuddered in relief. "Th-this isn't a dream, right? You'll still be here when I wake up?" he whispered.

You peeked your head up and smiled "I'm not going anywhere, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." You leaned in and gave him one more kiss. He smiled into it and finally allowed himself to rest his eyes.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Y/L/N..."

[fungusgnat444]

“König being desperate for escort reader :(“ It might be the hottest thing I've ever read

well shit girlie here’s a part two… ily x hope you enjoy (sorry this took me so long)NSFW, angst kinda?, desperate touch starved König, he’s kinda subby hehe, afab fem reader, sugar daddy/pay pig shit if you squint, mentions of anxiety and poor self worth, implied size difference, oral f receiving, piv sex (no mentions of protection but always wrap it up y’all), begging, no german apart from schatz, big pp, decryphilia kinda? (He cries because you taste good lol), i think thats it. Let me know if i missed anything

this man is so stupid and obsessed with you it would honestly be annoying if he didn’t spoil you. You’d be lying if you said he wasn’t your favourite client but there’s only so many times he can burst into tears at the sight of a hickey another client left on you before it gets annoying. As soon as his dumb cock is buried in between your plush tits he forgets all about it immediately. Now he’s crying for a different reason. Speaking of which once he’s comfortable with you this poor boy cries a lot. Weather it’s because he’s over stimulated himself from desperately fucking you like he’ll die if he doesn’t fill you little cunt immediately or he’s feeling sorry for himself, you could probably fill a bathtub with his tears at this point :(

although he feels extremely guilty about it he has started stalking you. It started out innocently (not really he’s just delusional), just checking that you’re safe of course. Spying on you with his binoculars on the rooftop across the street. Only to make sure the client you’re with isn’t hurting you (he’s so stupid). You almost wanted to kill that bastard when he started leaving you gifts on your doorstep, but something about his antics was strangely endearing. You knew at least partly why he was like this. Picking up on little clues each time he vented to you with his head on your chest while you play with his hair. He’d joined the military so young doesn’t exactly give you much opportunity to meet women, the few woman he did work with wouldn’t look twice at him because of his reputation and even if they did he wouldn’t be interested. Unlike most of the men he worked with he had enough professional respect for these women to ever let anything happen. No matter how lonely he got :(. That’s not the only reason he doesn’t know how to interact with women. The glass case filled with war hammer figurines and frankly absurd looking gaming pc setup in his living room told you that he wasn’t exactly popular with the girls when he was younger either. The moment he first got his hands on your body you knew he had barely any experience. Not that you minded, if anything it made it feel more real. Not like most of your clients who just wanted to blow off some steam; he needed this. The desperation in his eyes, his frantic, shaky hands running all over your body like he thinks you’ll leave at any moment and of course he’s just so desperate to hear you say you want it. To know you like him this way, needy. You like it when he begs, when he thanks you, when he’s so lost he can barely speak, he knows you do. He’ll beg for anything, even if he just gets to watch you play with yourself, he just wants to see you cross eyed and breathless, clinging to him for support. Getting so desperate you start begging. Turning into him; pathetic and whiny.

(I know this is pretty different to the first part. Brain rot took over. Hope you still like it. Kinda enjoyed writing könig this way and fleshing out the character a bit so I might turn it into a lil series if anyone shows interest xoxo)

[cyber-night]

BRANDING IL DOTTORE

This took so long because Fuck. But enjoy!

Anyways content warnings: Sub Il Dottore x Dom Reader, no beta we die like Niwa, Gore (I think its mild but tbh I'm not sure), Body writing, blood kink, knife play, unhealthy relationship, degradation, masochist Il dottore, Ooc Il Dottore, let me know if I missed something.

It was something he said off-handedly while you fucked him over his desk last week. It had gone something like "Please I need it. Want to be yours want you to claim me, mark me, brand me." And the idea hadn't left your mind since he sobbed it out in the heat of the moment. Presently the reason it was at the forefront of your mind was because he was carving open some poor bastard to make as he had said "Improvements." Your eyes were watching over the edge of your book looking at your lover's gloved hands expertly wielding his scalpel to cut the man apart.

You couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Dottore beneath you as you marked him permanently with one of his own knives. How pretty your name would look etched into his skin. If you could make him cum just from that. "Your staring," He said without looking up from his work. You hummed in response as you looked up at his face. It was hidden behind a mask but you still loved to look at him despite it. "Something on your mind my Nightshade?" He asked as he looked up at you. Setting your book down and standing up to get closer to him you say "Just thinking about something you said a few nights ago that's all." You were now close enough to see inside the man's chest cavity. Dottore had removed several of his organs though, you noticed he was still awake and alive, though unable to move anything but his eyes. Dottore seemed to be replacing bits of him with mechanical parts. "Oh? Care to refresh my memory? I've said a lot of things."

His smile was, to some, unnerving to you however it was teasing. "You asked me to mark you as mine. Carve my name into your skin I believe." You say as you look up from the mess of a body that lay between you two. He tilts his head "and? Did that particular request peak your interest?" You look back down at the scalpel in his hand "What can I say it stuck with me." You walk around the autopsy table and wrapped your arms around him "Where would you put it?" He said as he got back to cutting parts of the man in front of you away. "Where would you let me put it?" He paused again before answering "below the neck" he said as he held the scalpel below the man's neck "and above the mid-thigh." He trailed the scalpel down to indicate his range. "So what your saying is I could give you a tramp stamp?" He looks at you and though he's wearing a mask you can tell he's glaring at you "that's disgraceful." With a smile, you respond, "I know and that fact is why it's a contender for where I'd put it." He sighs and turns back to the body before him "Let me finish my work Nightshade."

You pull away with a laugh not missing the way he followed your touch and headed back to where you had been to let him finish his work while you read. It was almost an hour later that he had finished whatever he was doing and handed the body off to one of his segments. The both of you walked in comfortable silence to your shared room though you couldn't see his eyes you could tell he was watching you. As soon as you both got there he took off to the bathroom to quickly wash the blood off of himself and change into clean clothes. You made tea for the both of you and sat on the sofa to read some more of your book while you waited.

He came out of the bathroom not fifteen minutes later his hair damp and free of blood. You'd never understand how he always managed to get blood in his hair. His gorgeous red eyes scanned the room till they settled on you. He sat down across from you on the sofa and took a sip of his tea. "So you've had some time to think it over. Any ideas?" He asks as he sets his cup down and looks at you expectantly "oh? Eager are we?" His eyes narrowed at you "and if I am?" You turn to face him fully and he follows suit. "Well, I have a few, for instance, your ass would be pretty. I'd get to see it every time I fuck you but then you wouldn't see it and I want you to see it I want you to wake up and see my name permanently branded into your skin." You paused to take a sip of your tea thinking. "And that's the problem I kept running into. Your thigh and above your hip have similar issues in my mind" you say conversationally as if you weren't talking about scaring your name into the doctor's flesh. "So how about" you reached out to rest your hand over his heart "Here." You could feel his heart start to beat faster and his breath hitch. "You like that idea don't you?"

His eyes were clouded with lust and excitement. He looked over towards the bedroom before getting up saying "I think I have a scalpel in the bedside drawer." Laughing at his eagerness you follow making a stop in the bathroom to grab some rubbing alcohol. You get to the bedroom just in time to see him victoriously pull a scalpel out of the bedside table drawer. "Are you sure you want to do this My horror?" He looked at you for a moment "I'm sure. If you leave I can always just erase it. Though your not allowed to anyways." He handed you the scalpel and kissed you. You threw the alcohol onto the bed so you had your hand free to start unbuttoning his shirt "And neither are you. Your mine." You said as you pulled away trailing the knife down his cheek. He groaned and tossed his shirt to the side and kissed you again before climbing into the bed and laying on his back.

He looked beautiful, your darling, all laid out for you. After taking in the view for a moment you climbed up onto the bed and straddled his lower torso and fumbled behind around for the alcohol. You had asked him one final time if he was sure he wanted this "if you don't get on with it I might change my mind." He growled out. Clicking your tongue you slipped the scalpel under his chin and used it to force him to look at you "Beg for it" You loved the look in his eyes knowing he wanted this just as much as you did. Being able to take his bratty attitude and force him into nothing but your obedient fucktoy. "Please carve your name into my skin so no one else can fuck me, so everyone knows I'm your whore." You smiled and opened the bottle of rubbing alcohol and poured a generous amount over his entire chest and the scalpel watching him writhe at the cold of it before shutting the bottle and letting it fall to the floor. "Do I have to tie you down for this like one of your patients, Nightmare?" He shook his head not trusting his voice to work. "Good, I'm going to start now. Try not to move." He nodded. "Oh and Dottore? Don't cum." His eyes clouded even more as he nodded.

You started by lightly tracing your name out a few times causing his skin to raise slightly so you could get it perfect. Once you were satisfied you started to actually put pressure onto the scalpel. At the first true cut, Dottore let out a content sigh. You smiled and continued. You went slow savouring the way the blood dripped from your work staining the sheets beneath. Giving in to temptation and licking up a streak of blood earned you a sharp breath from your work in progress. You could feel him tense up at every line and curve. Once you had a superficial etching you started over again. Deepening your lines to make them last for as long as he lived and even if they didn't? If they ever started to fade? You'd go over them again and again. However many times you needed to make it stick.

Eventually, he seemed to be basking in the pain freely moaning when you cut a little deeper. A small part of you wanted to go until you hit bone just to know what kind of sounds he'd make as you scraped the scalpel over his bones but you didn't truly have the energy for that and it would require something more akin to a lab setting. . . An idea for another day. You did however keep going till you knew you were deep in the dermis stopping when you finally grazed muscle. You had been so focused on your work you had almost stopped paying attention to Dottore he was drooling his eyes rolled back in bliss. Your perfect slutty masochist. You tapped his cheek with the bloody scalpel to bring him back to the present. As much as you didn't mind the idea of him being your brain-dead fuck doll you wanted him to be somewhat there mentally. When you saw his eyes focus. "It's done pet. Now, how about I help you with this?" You said as you pushed your ass back which as predicted grinded over his rock-hard cock. He moaned at the friction on his neglected dick forcing out a "please."

You pushed yourself back so you were now sat in between his legs the scalpel discarded to the side of the bed. You pulled his pants and underwear off in one movement. You tossed the last of his clothes off the bed. His cock already pouring pre-cum. You once more reached into the bedside table looking for lube. You noticed as you sat back lube in hand that Dottore seemed if you didn't know any better you'd say embarrassed. "Are you alright Darling? Do you want to stop?" He looked away "No. I-" It took you a moment to process what you were looking at and then another to mentally get your shit together. Dottore was still saying words but they didn't matter. A plug. More specifically a black plug with a red gem at the base that matched his eyes perfectly. "How long has it been in?" He was looking anywhere but at you.

You grabbed it and started twisting it and pulling on it. He let out something more akin to the sound his subjects make when he slits their throat "Dottore how long?" You asked getting impatient. Upon realizing that he had yet to answer you he came back to his senses and you finally got an answer from your whore of a boyfriend. "Put it in when I found out you'd be sitting in on the surgery." In a slightly quieter voice, "I like the way you fuck me after I've worked on a subject." You continued to fidget with the plug "oh? And what do I do differently?" You knew what he mean you always fucked him harder more animalistic than loving. There was just something about taking the mad scientist who had just murdered someone and fucking him senseless. It was a power trip you'd never get used to. "Your brutal Nightshade, you fuck me like I'm nothing" He whispered. "So you decide to fill your desperate hole with something so I could just pound you when you were done? Were you even planning for us to make it out of the lab? Or did you want me to fuck you on the table you'd just carved someone open on?" You pulled the plug out before ramming it back in. "Maybe next time your working we should put a vibrator in your cum dump of a hole and see how long you last."

You pulled the plug out and tossed it to the side with the scalpel. You lined your dick up with his empty hole as you trail your clean hand up his chest settling over your name which looked beautiful in his skin. "Ask nicely for my cock and I might indulge you." His dignity had long since been abandoned "Please fill your pathetic whore up with cock and cum please-" He trailed off as you started to slowly push yourself in. You paused waiting for him to continue. He looked up at you confused "don't stop! why did you stop?"

"Well, you stopped and I don't recall telling you that you could."

"Oh fuck" He moaned out. You watched his cock twitch and leak as he begged "Please breed me want you to fuck your cum into me. I want to be nothing but a hole for you to fill when you come home please." As he was blabbering you shoved your cock into his ass as the hand that was still settled over your name pushed down on it ripping a scream from him. You let him catch his breath before digging your fingers into the mark again "Tell me slut what's stopping me from writing whatever I want on you hmm?" His brain took a moment to process the threat but once it had he was back to begging "Oh fuck yes, my body is your canvas." He let out a guttural moan as you pulled almost all the way out to set a slow brutal pace. "That's right good boy. My pretty little fuck toy." You weren't going to you hadn't discussed it prior but you did file it away for later.

As you fucked him you once again pushed against your name engraved in his chest and wrapped your hand around his throat squeezing as his eyes widened and then rolled back as he came though you didn't stop fucking him instead opting to fuck him faster. "Pathetic. Should I treat you like one of your subjects? As nothing more than an experiment?" He shuddered trying to breathe while you choked him "Wh-what experiment are you conducting on me?" He managed to force out "My experiment? It's trying to find the limits of your masochism. Letting, no begging me to carve my name into you and then have the audacity to cum without asking after and from me choking you no less. You must be a slut for pain Doctor" he moaned at hearing his title said with such sarcasm. "Yes, fuck yes I'm your pain slut punish m- oh fuck punish me however you want Please!" You kissed him "with pleasure." With that, you made it your mission to fuck him until he either passed out or you decided he'd had enough. Either way, your pet doctor was in for a long night.

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

Aemond was not only making fun of twins’ deceased mother and threatening to feed Baela to Vhagar but also being little bitch to Rhaena FOR NO REASON with the pig joke when the one who made fun of him the most was his own brother ? Baela and Rhaena didn’t even know him like that what the hell ?

That’s why I will NEVER buy that “b*llied and oppressed child” act they wanna sell, the first thing Aemond did after gaining some kind of power was to insult absolutely unrelated to his bullying orphan girls who just lost their mother instead of his big brother.

I just can’t stand the insensitivity from Aemond or his stans defending him, in regards to the whole “well if she wanted Vhagar she should’ve claimed her then”... she literally just lost her mother, pretty sure claiming a dragon was one of the last things on her mind. Plus she obviously thought she’d have time, and didn’t consider her cousin would pull a move like claiming her mother’s dragon, RIGHT AT THE WOMAN’S FUNERAL. Like c’mon, now.

Aemond stans pass him a lot of things, if not everything he does. The fucking show has turn him into some "poor bullied baby oppressed by the big bad bastards" even though he is kind of a psycho. They really forget that Aemond tried to claim Dreamfyre even though she was already claimed by Helaena, he didn't care as long as he had a dragon because he thought he deserved it.

I've seen people compare show Aemond to school shooters and I agree.

What he did to Baela and Rhaena wouldn't be so defended if the girls were played by white actresses.

[aliceisathome]

Was busy over the weekend so am only now catching up with My Stand In. Honestly, why do people make me be sociable? I'd much rather stay in and watch BLs ffs.

So... JOE wtf are you doing? Wut has offered help and nope, you're going to take the job as Tong's stunt man because you're too proud to accept his offer. Grr. You are your own worst enemy (not that we didn't know this already).

The bar scene was so tense - when the guy, the almost stand in for Ming wearing the same jacket, approached Joe my shoulders were up around my ears. Up is so good at looking completely contemptuous btw - if anyone ever looked at me like that I would just shrivel and die.

Jim, your 'Khun Ming doesn't drink' line would be a lot more convincing if we hadn't just seen him sippng from a glass of booze. Just saying. And I can't believe you (literally) ran away and left Joe to his fate with your drunk boss. Tut. When do we get to see Mike again? I've missed Inntouch's little face - the new haircut suits him.

I gasped when Joe nearly smashed the couple mugs.

Why did you turn down all the help from nice people Joe? First Wut now Sol Is it because, despite everything, you still want Ming? (hint: yes) And so Ming wants Joe to be a stand in for himself but Joe thinks he wants a stand in for Tong (again). And next week Ming will discover that it wasn't Tong's back at all so he was always a stand in for Joe. Gah.

The layers are layering.

I can't WAIT to see Ming lose it when he finds out the back he fell for was Joe's all along. His meltdown will be epic and I am here for it. But the thing I want the most (other than his utter humiliation and loss of all he holds dear naturally) is Tong's reaction when Ming discards him. This is a man who's been stringing Ming along for years. YEARS. He drops crumbs, is jealous when Ming pays attention to anyone else etc so what is his reaction to Ming coming to his senses and pulling away from his manipulative arse going to be?

Actually Tong reminds me of Ter from Wandee Goodday - also Wal from My Dear Gangster Oppa and the 'friend' in Roommates of Poonduck 304. They're all characters who absolutely know the MC is in love with them. They accept EVERYTHING that the poor man offers and uses them, stringing them along purely for either what they can get materially or for an ego boost. Or both. I loathe this type of character. LOATHE. I want to see these emotionally manipulative bastards get their comeuppance* </rant over>

Roll on next week. Can't wait! And now I have to cleanse my palate with Saturday's Wandee Goodday

*Roommates is a great little series with some seriously good chemistry and the cafe scene where Jae Yun finally discovers that he's been used for all those years is gutting.

[wombywoo]

Hypothetically, what would Quinn and Vincent's reaction be if Quinn got bite and turned during a mission gone wrong? 👀

Hmm...I've had thoughts about this, believe me....

If bitten by a vampire, there's a ~95% chance the victim will simply die, lol 💀 ~3% chance of being turned, and ~2% chance of surviving without consequence (these are rare, so there are a few side effects that haven't been effectively studied yet)

They are working on preventative measures for this type of thing--newly developed, highly experimental drugs injected immediately after a bite to try to counteract the venom--but there haven't been enough conclusive results.

Just note that, if Quinn were to be bitten by another vampire and turn, his soul would be connected to theirs, and not Vincent's. Not that Vince necessarily *wants* to be bonded in that way, but like....there's no way in hell he wants it to be anyone else. It's a very complex situation, so he'd do everything he can to try to prevent that from happening.

I think their reaction would be something along the lines of 'oh shit' lol. Vincent would be in a complete panic, trying his hardest to remain rational so he could try to fix it. If Quinn's been bitten on a limb, that thing is getting chopped 🙃 Vincent would internally struggle with this, but if it's the only option, he'd carry it out asap. For a bite on the neck or body--there's not much he *can* do, but I feel like he might try to suck out the venom if it's still recent (this wouldn't do much tbh). His other unhinged instinct would be to turn Quinn with his own venom, but that seems like overkill and would probably obliterate the poor bastard on the spot 💀 (plus, he's on the pill 😔)

Quinn would be in too much agony to really have a cohesive response, but I think he'd still try to come to terms with it as much as he can, and convey to Vincent that it's ok and not his fault...

If he were to turn, that would...change a lot of things for them. I'm not sure they're prepared for that possibility, despite how liable it may be in their line of work....they really don't like talking about it 🥲

[ms-demeanor]

Why don't you just... Eat rice? Why bread?

It's a lot harder to turn on the rice cooker at 3am and wait half an hour for rice to cook than it is to just put two pieces of bread in the toaster.

I just had rice for lunch. And I had rice pasta for lunch and dinner the last two days. And I had rice for dinner-lunch-dinner last friday to saturday. And I had potato salad for lunch on friday.

The thing is that it gets a bit monotonous, and sometimes you maybe want some buttered bread to go with your pasta dish and sometimes you maybe just want bread.

Like, there are a lot of hacks out there for what to do when you can't eat bread. "make your sandwiches on rice cakes!!!!" "make a lettuce wrap!!!!!" "make a salad instead of a sandwich!!!!!!" "hollow out a cucumber and put your filling inside of it!!!!!" but also all those hacks kind of suck.

When I was a kid there was a tea parlor we used to go to that had this curry chicken salad with golden raisins and chopped onions and almonds. I made some to share with my dad while he was in town. The tea parlor used to serve it on warm croissants and it was wonderful. It is literally impossible to make gluten-free croissants (the dough won't be elastic enough to laminate properly) so I was hoping to just have some chicken salad on sandwich bread. And yeah it's fine to eat by itself and I mean okay I had it with potato chips but I didn't want chicken salad on potato chips (or rice), I wanted a chicken salad sandwich.

I can eat (certified gluten free) oatmeal and rice and rice pasta and potatoes and stuff but all of that takes a lot more time than putting some cream cheese and lemon curd on a gluten free bagel and also it's not my go-to so it took me a while to recognize that I was starting to get the low-carb brain fog.

But also because rice does not enable my depraved regency habits. Sometimes I want to eat off of a paper towel in my car, not out of a bowl, you know?

It's also super depressing to be locked out of your staple foods and the foods you grew up with. Last night Large Bastard had a grilled cheese with tomato soup for dinner. I had pasta. I've got a big jar of peanut butter that *yes* i can eat with yogurt and bananas and *yes* I can put into oatmeal (and I do those things pretty regularly) but it doesn't do me much good if I want to pack a couple PB&J sandwiches for a hike.

But also it's a bummer because I already did this. I already learned the discreet way to bring food I can eat to family events or what I can eat ahead of time that means I won't get hungry or which places I can go after an event to quickly get something to eat. Convenience food is convenient! Do you know what it's like to go backpacking when you can't eat any of the standard backpacking food? It's homemade trail mix for days, but I did also like to pack a single serving of spam and two slices of bread. If I go to a conference it's extremely standard for me to pack two loaves of bread that I can eat and a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jam so that there will be *something* in the room that I can eat quickly or pack quickly and carry with me. Bread is the easiest way to ensure that I don't end up living off mostly fruit and kind bars if I'm going out.

Hell, I used to bring my bread along to in-n-out because both the flying dutchman and the protein-style lettuce wrap are SIGNIFICANTLY INFERIOR to just using actual bread. (Lettuce wraps suck. I've been eating them for years and I'm ready to call it. Lettuce wraps are how you make a hamburger instantly cold and get it to taste vaguely like dirt. Could I eat lettuce-wrap tacos? Yes. Do I want 'the poor person's endive boat but put carne asada in it'? No. If I wanted something wrapped in leaves I would get dolmas like a reasonable person because at least those are soaked in oil)

And at this point I would prefer to have a proven gluten-free bread recipe that I can make reliably and that does not suck, but the last few times I've tried to make g-free bread (like, a loaf of bread, not flatbread or bannock or quickbreads) it has not gone well and I would *love* to experiment but at the moment my oven isn't getting hotter than 250fah so it's not really bread-capable at the moment. I have some recipes I'd like to try, but they will require a functional oven.

I know *how* to get enough carbs without bread, it just requires forethought and planning and I don't want forethought and planning, I don't want to get up an hour early to make good oatmeal, I want some cocoa almond spread on a piece of toast.

Also trader joe's recently discontinued the macaroni and cheese that I used to get and the version that Aldi has sucks and is more expensive and the version that Annie's has doesn't *suck* but isn't what I want and is MUCH more expensive and of course I can make macaroni (or, let's be real, penne or rotini because finding rice-only macaroni is a fucking chore) and cheese but it takes literal hours and also requires an oven.

IDK bud you caught me at a bad time because I'm extremely sad that the gluten-free diet fad is passing and that my local grocery stores got rid of their gluten-free sections in the past year and the foods that I was eating are getting discontinued or are out of stock and the thought of having to become an extremely good baker (because good gluten-free bread is HARD) or just eat rice forever is a downer. I already cook so, so much of the food that I eat from scratch that I don't want to do more hours of cooking each week - I spend probably six hours baking or cooking on on saturdays and sundays and then another one to two hours cooking on weeknights and you may recognize that as approximately equivalent to a part-time job *just to keep myself fed on a reasonable budget, and it obviously isn't all that reasonable a budget if I'm spending ten to twenty hours a week on it* and the thought of doing more of that because there's a shortage of corn-free baking powder or something is the kind of invisible disability burden that goes tremendously under-discussed and kind of makes me insane.

I mean fuck if we want to talk about the social model of disability accessible food options for people with allergies and autoimmune conditions is a great example that never gets brought up and it is really difficult to emphasize that "trader joe's $5 rice bread" versus "udi's $10 equivalent rice bread" versus "2-3 additional baking hours a week" versus "just change your go-to quick meals and accept that you eat hamburgers with a fork" has a lot of possible outcomes that reduce my quality of life.

And that sounds stupid to say. "A company stopped carrying a product and it reduced my quality of life."

But first off it's not one company and not one product and when it's not just "white sandwich bread" but it's "white sandwich bread, macaroni and cheese, frozen empanadas, chocolate chip cookies, lasagna noodles, rice cereal, sorgum beer, rice rotini, canned chicken, ginger cookies, almond flour muffins, split pea soup, vegetarian chili, mushroom risotto" and on and on it gets exhausting and depressing and losing access to a significant number of convenience food and easy meals DOES fuck with your quality of life.

You know what my easy "I'm tired because we're moving and I'm broke so I can't go buy fresh groceries" meal was for the last three years? Scrambled eggs and toast.

Until the last two months I probably had scrambled eggs and toast once or twice a week since the pandemic started.

You know what's not as easy as that? Any rice dish. You know what it got replaced with? Cereal. Or nothing.

I know that having chocolate rice crisps (or nothing) for dinner once a week isn't actually ideal. That's part of why I spend eight to twelve hours cooking on weekends - so I'll have a big vat of rice or potato based soup that I can have leftovers of for lunch through the week and probably get dinner out of for a couple nights too.

But sometimes you're a little tired of the chicken and rice soup that you are eating for nine meals out of twenty one and it would be nice to have some scrambled eggs and toast.

So, basically, the bread is load-bearing in terms of making me a quasi-functional human being and it isn't going to break me and I'm going to be able to put something else there to shore up the deficit but I am going to complain the whole time.

[cocktailjjrs]

Why does everyone hate Mori soo much!!!!

The show would be soo bland without his sorry ass interfering every now and then.

I actually like the way his character is presented!

(No hate please, if you don't like mori feel free to skip)

So I've been doing a bit research and kinda a character study for a fic i'm writing. And ofc Mori has a part in it.

And so, i go on and look through all his scenes. Read through a few fics to see his interactions with other characters. And do a bit on character analysis as a whole.

It baffles me how people just downright hate him or plain misunderstand his Character as whole.

Like, i don't usually try to defend characters online because everyone has their reasons and rationale, but the whole thing with Mori seems so absurd to me, because we've seen the villains do soo much worse!

Canonically speaking, while he has done some bad shit, he's not the worst in the series either!!!

BSD has always taken the 'it can't get any worse than this' phase and proved it wrong. Mori was supposed to be 1st/2nd season's antagonist.

And no, i don't mean to say that he is not evil. He is downright evil, a mastermind through and through. He's the Port Mafia's boss for gods sake, the most dangerous underground organization, he has a reputation to live up to!

Yes, he is a calculating bastard. He measures each and every move and knows about warfare in depth, and he wields his knowledge as a weapon very well.

Is he a paedophile? Maybe. It's been implied once or twice (if i'm not wrong)

Was his treatment of yosano wrong? Definitely! and he is an ass for that!

But he is SUPPOSED to be an ASS!!! That's the whole point of that character! And i believe those are the character that bring sooo much excitement to the storyline!

But everyone seem to have misunderstood his character soo much or just doesn't want to see the whole picture. And I used to think Chuuya was misunderstood!!!

You remember, when in 15, Dazai was given his first mission as a PM member and that time Mori said 15!Dazai reminded him of himself?

Now think back to what 15!Dazai was -

a teen

suicide maniac

a genius who has never been surprised

manipulative freak

acting carefree and harmless but having a killing intent hidden in plain sight

Now put it in this perspective,

Mori had a life before war that we have no idea about. He was a doctor. He was desperate to win the war by any means, even if it included bringing a child in the military camp, even if it meant keeping a death loop going on and on, even if it meant permanently traumatizing the soldiers.

But WHY?

Mori, as it has been stated multiple times, is someone who is always calculating and rational. He does not let his emotions overtake his decision making, thus making him cold towards others. But there must be a reason why he turned out to be so.

After war, he started working underground, creating a neutral zone for criminals. He knew Natsume sensei before that time. I always wounder why would Natsume entrust his vision to someone like Mori (along with Fukuzawa), if he was really a lost case.

After the whole fight with Fukuzawa over Yosano; he turned to take control of Port Mafia. Maybe he wanted to take Yosano with him then, to create an army of unstoppable ability users.

But the war was over. Then why would he need to do that?

Mori is one of those few characters whose backstory is not at all known to us. I can only think of Dazai and Fyodor other than him with no clear backstory. This makes him a dangerous wild card in a lot of situations. We saw that with Tachihara and Verlaine (completely different circumstances but instead of killing them he kept them close)

But then i read fics that depict him as feral and unhinged, portraying him as a predator who took advantage of poor poor Chuuya and/or Dazai, making them do horrible stuff without their consent.

Like, DID WE EVEN WATCH THE SAME SHOW?

Dazai and Chuuya have been unhinged wayyyy BEFORE they met each other or Mori.

Dazai is not some soft kid, who was physically and sexually assaulted, he was not made to behave tough with Akutagawa. And he certainly was not afraid of Mori. Does Dazai have PTSD related to Mori? Maybe, but in regards to Oda's death. That's it.

Chuuya is not someone who would sit still and take punishment from scalpels and whatnot because he fucked up a mission. Mori is not a fool to send Chuuya on a death mission just because he is afraid he'll take his place or to spite Dazai.

Does this bring a rather angst narrative to Soukoku? Yes it does. Does it make sense? if it's cannon compliant, no it does not!

Soukoku does not need Mori to be the bad guy to come together!

(i think he is no 1 Soukoku shipper himself)

He is not soft but he is not unhinged either. He knows how the ways of war work and he knows there can be no emotions involved if you have to win the war.

You don't always get such characters who are so morally grey, they do everything bad, they are supposed to be evil but still, the plot will be lost without them. Mori is such a great example of that.

Wanting to have peace and staying by the rightful path is all well and good. But where there is light, there will be darkness (because it's definition itself says its absence of light, so you can't exactly have one without the other). And without anyone to keep a check on that darkness, it will consume all.

Without Mori taking over Port Mafia, if we recollect how the previous boss had lead, Yokohama would have been way too bloodier and chaotic than it is now.

Plus, i don't think if Mori was such a bad boss, all of Port Mafia would jump in to protect him against agency during the Cannibalism arc. Hell, even if the grunts did not have a say in it, the executives and commanders did. And we saw them all - Chuuya, Kouyou, Kajii, Black Lizards; hell even Akutagawa and Higuchi were there! And that fight was after he had insisted no altercations with the agency.

My point is, can i have a normal representation of such a great character?

[shatcey]

Work week (Mitsuhide)

A week ago, an event in Sengoku ended about warlords who find their jobs in the modern world. And since Mitsu as always is the first option for me (he is perfect, just perfect), of course, I read his story. But… this time I decided to read it on both endings. That's how much glamour it took.

I spent everything I had on the previous event, so that was all I managed to get. But I'm not complaining. It turned out that the endings are completely different. It's like I've read two stories instead of one.

Mitsu went to another city for a few days and disappeared during a storm. Both Sasuke and Mai instantly came to the same conclusion. And then the next wormhole appeared, Mai jumped into it to go to the future and save Mitsu.

Girl, you know him! Why would HE of all people get into trouble? Unless he WANTS to be in trouble. I mean, okay, it's a different time, different laws, but this is Mitsu… His brain works at the speed of light… (deep exhale) Whatever.

So, she appears in modern time and heads to the nearest place, where he was supposed to appear 3 months before. Hotel.

Of course it was him. But this little bastard beautiful man played a very good servant and didn't show that he recognized her.

Looking at this, I remembered all the jokes about Theo's hat. Is his hair so thick and though that a hat can be held on it, barely touching them? Or can't he even put a hat on them for the same reason? Poor thing… How do you comb them?

He took Mai to her room, and then she finally found the strength to ask if it was him… He just jokingly asked if she had forgotten what her lover looked like in three months.

Awww... How can I be angry with you??

The next day, after breakfast, they heard a scream and…

Premium

A fired employee takes a hostage to get hold of money that he thinks belongs to him. He tried to use Mai as an assistant to collect money in a bag, but Mitsu volunteered to help.

While this guy was telling how unfairly he was treated when he was still working here, Mitsu agreed so convincingly to all his nonsense that the guy took a liking to him.

And he threw a bag of money in the guy's face. It was so heavy that he fell and dropped the gun. I guess it was a very big bag of money… While the guy was trying to get up, Mitsu freed the hostage and put the gun away. Truly the hero of the hotel!

In his room, he explained that this was his mission from the very beginning. The hotel owner was afraid that this completely insane employee might do something stupid, and hired Mitsu to take care of it. So he wasn't a bellman, but secutiry in disguise.

Well, he's so good at it that people immediately recognize his talent.

Normal

The scream came from the storage. Someone fell, and there was a lot of blood around him. Mitsu checked on him…

Good for you, girl. Every event in your life is a valuable experience.

The employee who shouted earlier said it was probably true that this hotel was cursed.

Back at Mai's room, Mitsu tells Mai that he needs her help to find out the truth. At night, they went to the same storage and hid in one of the lockers. Some guys came in and started saying it was their doing to get the owner to sell the hotel on the cheap. Mitsu came out of the locker and tried to resolve the situation peacefully. But they weren't listening.

I didn't take any more screenshots after that, so I don't remember the last part. Probably something romantic…

I'm absolutely happy. Mitsu looks gorgeous in any clothing. Even this weird hat cannot ruin his perfection. And the story was interesting. A little bit of a negotiator, a little bit of a detective. I love it.

I'm just wondering what Mai was doing in the three months after he disappeared. I would probably die of anxiety… Three months… That's a lot!

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[cinnamonest]

I'm now into the 5th season of hxh. As soon as I finish this series I will actually make a proper post but in the meantime I want to shout into the void how I feel about some of these bastards. Yes I was too lazy to turn off subtitles before taking hulu screenshots. I've been cutting into my sleep hours to watch this since the past week since I keep having to work overtime so this might be incoherent and delirious idk. I'm not entirely sure I'm awake right now. This might be a dream. Anyway

Hisoka was the only character I was familiar with by name prior to watching and like. I always assumed the pervert schtick was like a one-time line/single scene that people just took and ran with it. I was incorrect

I know full well this man would most likely kill me but like. I think I'd be okay with it. I think it would be a good way to go and I would probably accept it. I'd thank him even. I'd ask him to step on me while he does it. Or maybe I'm right at the threshold where I'm so pathetic I'm genuinely not worth killing which I think I'd also be okay with as long as I can still get knocked to the ground and have him step on my neck. Please sir

Also a large portion of me watching this, up until this past week, has been while I'm at home bc I've been home a lot recently and I often have a parallel play thing going on with my mother where in the evenings I'll watch something or play games while she browses facebook or reads her Bible/Christian books and she'll like pay half-attention and make comments every few minutes on anything I watch. In true parent fashion she's managed to be there for like every scene of random naked shots or weird moaning and says nothing, but once just looked up, made a face of deep discomfort and went back to highlighting her Bible. I think about this a lot. I'm sorry mom

I'm very weak to comic relief men actually and I have a triple weakness to token perv characters and furthermore my ovaries were created as such that men who are incredibly intelligent while also being astoundingly dumb are my kryptonite so my boy, be he as he may, dare I admit, does things to me. I think if you pulled the typical tease line where you say something about having a problem and needing a doctor to inspect you or just flash him he might die on the spot and that is very endearing to me. One could torment this man with the slightest of skin or sensuality it would be very easy. I appreciate you leorio

I want to protect Killua but like does he need it really. Like the "oh poor baby I want to hold him and squeeze him and never let anything harm him" urge is there because of my blatant maternal complexes but at the same time I know full well he does not need protecting and would realistically be the one protecting anyone else but like the urge is still there. I don't care. I WILL find something to protect him from and I WILL do it

Also very tsun. I can sense it. I know I'm dumb and weak and I would get snarky comments about it but that's okay. I would let the middle school aged boy bully me. I'd be okay with that

I think Illumi looks kind of like an insect. However he also terrifies me a little bit but I don't think that would particularly bother him. I think I could tell him both that he terrifies me and that he looks like a bug and he would have an entirely neutral response. Would probably just ask what kind of bug but may be disappointed if I name a non-cool bug. I'd probably say a grasshopper. I don't know how he would feel about that

I think what would be infuriating to me most is it is difficult to get much of a reaction out of this dude. Like you can be a total nightmare to have as a captive and the most you'll get is a :/ response. In attitude at least, like he'd probably still snap my wrist if deemed appropriate but would do it with just a mildly exasperated face/voice. I would try so hard to get a strong reaction and would never get it and that infuriates me. What right do you have to infuriate me like this bug man. Stop staring at me with them big ol eyes

I think if this man were to be living a normal life and not running with criminals he would wear socks with sandals on a daily basis. Like those thick white halfway up the calves socks and tan buckled sandals worn exclusively by boomer middle aged dads. And it's not the only trait he would share with middle aged men either I think he would care deeply about the quality of his lawn and mispronounce foreign things in a way that is borderline creative for how wrong it is. I think he just is a middle aged boomer dad trapped in a younger man's body. Release this man into a Home Depot and he will immediately adapt to his natural habitat

I am terrified of this man because due to who I am as a person I immediately evaluate all male specimens on what I think sex with them would be like, and cannot imagine a scenario involving this man where I come out of it without actual internal damage. Like you know how people joke about "rearranging your guts/insides" well this would be that but like actually genuinely. I think intercourse with this tank of a man would automatically necessitate medical attention. However do not mistake my horror for hesitancy because organ rupture is a price I will willingly pay for the experience of a realistic simulation of what I imagine it feels like to be a sick gazelle that falls behind the rest of the herd only to start hearing suspenseful nature documentary music

I cannot look at this man without my blood pressure immediately rising. I have never been simultaneously so strongly attracted to yet have such a strong desire to strangle someone. I think the worst part of this is that he would somewhat let me attempt to strangle him but would find it endearing and would start going on an analysis of my personhood and I will be real with you all that would peak my fury and I would become violent. And blah blah "understanding myself" hey man can you maybe not mass murder and go on your journey of self discovery by doing drugs or taking a road trip or something like a normal person in their quarter life crisis. Is that so hard.

As my fingers type these words I can feel my heart rate increasing and I am filled with immense fury and arousal at the same time. Why are you attractive? What is wrong with me? I hate it and I hate myself for it. I have to unironically take a break from typing to take a deep breath. I have to move on because I'm getting heart palpitations

Shalnark seems underappreciated. I love him so much but he also terrifies me in a way none of the others do. Like sure being blatantly cruel or loud or huge like some of the others is one thing but he's too cheery. It scares me on a visceral level. Sir why are you smiling like that. I do not trust it. Or rather realistically I know I WOULD trust it if I met this man as a stranger because I'm very gullible and that would not end well for me. This boy would probably be like one of the absolute worst people to end up stuck with once you get into it but that is very well hidden from the surface and I do not like that. I know I'm naive as all hell and I would fall for the same tricks over and over and I just know that would be used against me

On the bright side though this does mean he would actually fit the classic, original yandere trope since originally yanderes are supposed to be super sweet and cheery externally, so there's that

My skrungly. My tiny son. Y'all do not understand my predicament because I have a NEED to squish his face in my hands, I have an unbearable urge to pat his head and ruffle his hair, it is a literal physical intrinsic need like food and water and I need this but like at what cost. Is the price one I am willing to pay. The answer is probably yes actually. What are a few broken fingers for a moment of pure bliss. Likewise even if by a mere 2 centimeters I am taller than this man and that brings me great satisfaction. I hold great power in my hands. I would be sure to bring this matter up on a daily basis at great risk to my well-being

Baby boy you are the warmth of my soul and the love of my life and the brightest star in my night sky which is really saying something because you have about as much positive energy as a funeral. Regardless. Baby boy. Baby

I want Kurapika to know I love him. If Kurapika has 100000000 fans I'm one of them. I'm Kurapika has 10 fans I'm one of them. If Kurapika has 0 fans I am dead. If I were a shounen anime protagonist that just got the shit beaten out of me and I'm crumpled on the ground on the verge of unconsciousness and/or death I would have flashbacks and imagery of Kurapika go through my head and then I'd get a sudden burst of willpower and energy to miraculously get back up and kill the villain in a single blow. If I'm having a bad day and a singular thought of Kurapika passes through my mind it becomes a good day. Knowing Kurapika is a spiritual experience for me. I have a small orgasm every time my eyes are graced with Kurapika's visage. I think about Kurapika at minimum 127 times daily and if I fail to do this I will die instantly. I would protect Kurapika with my life. And by God I would gladly volunteer myself for clan rebuilding. Sir if you ever want to spread your bloodline I am right here. I will leap at the chance to spend the rest of my life as your personal incubator. I feel like he'd be paranoid and overprotective and lock me in the same house forever but you know what? I'm fine with that. Walking through our house at night will be like a semi-obscure 2000s Japanese horror rpg because every step you take there's a set of big red eyes staring at you but instead of weird Japanese demons its just pouty tiny kurtas. I am in physical pain because the most screen time he's had in ages is a phone call. Where is my boy. What have they done with my boy. If he does not return soon I will become violent

[cosmic--dandelion]

I've seen people call Stolas everything from a weepy damsel in distress to straight up lobotomized in season 2, but overall, I like his character arc in the most recent episodes.

It takes a lot of courage and conviction to stand up to someone who's abused you for almost twenty years. Stolas knows full well he'll be punished by the rest of the Goetia for this, but he's done being trapped in this miserable, loveless marriage.

It's genuinely disturbing to see so many people try to pretend that Stell isn't abusive. Even before the affair, we see her start insulting him the second he walks into the room. She throws a huge party with all the Goetia royalty and spends the whole time LOUDLY mocking him for not being able to perform in bed. Keep in mind that he was literally FORCED to produce an heir. The man is either gay or so physically and mentally repulsed by his wife that he has to dissociate while she's "doing everything herself". It's non-consentual for both of them, and she's laughing at him for being supremely unenthusiastic and probably traumatized over it.

Yeah, he cheated on her. She has a right to be pissed at that. But the reasonable thing to do would be to divorce HIM, not threaten him when he tries to get to leave.

If it wasn't completely obvious by her yeeting this poor bastard at mach 5, she's more embarssed that Stolas was having an affair with an IMP, a lower lifeform as far as she's concerned, than genuinely hurt at his unfaithfulness.

Based on what we've seen so far, she's been shoving all the parenting duties onto Stolas for Octavia's entire life.

("But it was probably just Stolas's turn!" I hear you say. "I'm sure Stella's a GREAT mom off screen, we just haven't seen any hint of it for a season and a half!" That is NOT how visual storytelling works. This scene was written and drawn the way that it is for a reason. It's trying to tell us something about the characters and their relationships. And the fact remains that Stolas hugged and comforted Octavia and sang her a lullaby while Stella, who refers to her daughter as "that egg that dropped out of me" just rolled over and went back to sleep.

Stella is by default a bad mother for hiring an assassin to kill Stolas. Losing her father is Octavia's very worst fear, and Stella doesn't even care what kind of effect it would have on the girl. Stolas getting distracted arguing with his ex-wife and forgetting to take Octavia to see a meteor shower kind of pales in comparison.

Stolas isn't perfect, and he's still kind of a shitty person, but he's making at least some effort to fix his past mistakes. He tried to get an Asmodean crystal for Blitzø so he wouldn't have to sleep with him to keep his business afloat. He stopped calling Blitzø humiliating pet names like "my little imp". He took the hint after "Loo Loo Land" and "Seeing Stars" and stopped flirting with Blitzø and fighting with Stella in front of Octavia. He helped Asmodeus stay calm during Fizzarolli's hostage negotiation and prevented him from getting taken advantage of by Crimson's sleazy lawyer, even after Asmodeus refused to help him.

That's character development, baby.

[petitelepus]

Hello dear friend! Can I have yandere transformers matchup? :3 I would be a human!!

I care too much about what others feel and think to an unhealthy amount. I am most of the time unserious and I love to joke around, serious situations are stressful so I prefer to be joyful, but I do like talking about serious topics (sometimes).

I joke a lot and I mean a lot (it's mostly the humor of a 12 y/o kid which can be annoying to some people)!

I also apologize A LOT, I apologize so much that it might be too annoying but I always feel a sense of guilt inside of me.  I'm also VERY sensitive and worry about everything. I feel guilty about everything 24/7 even if I shouldn't feel guilty. That's why I apologize so much.

I have anger issues and it's very easy to make me angry. 

My biggest love language is words of affirmation, I would say "I love you" and stuff like that very often. Saying that I am proud of them and compliment them. The second one is probably physical touch!

Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day <3

Starscream and his clones are Yanderes for you!

It all started with Starscream growing obsessed with you. Such a sweet little thing! When coming face to face with a Con like him, your first instinct was to admire this alien robot, just like you humans should, but there was something endearing in you and what Starscream wants, he will get it.

And if he fails? Well, we all know he won't stop after one failure. Those Autobots might want to give you up to him since there is no way they can keep him apart from you.

"You pesky Autobots can't protect her forever! One day she will belong to me and only me!"

This scheming bastard will absolutely guilt trip you into giving yourself for him. He is shameless in that way.

When he created his clones, they did not only get his personality traits but also his obsessions towards you. Fights between clones do ensue, because they adore you and your meek attitude, but DAMN, when you get angry, they are shocked!

...And some are maybe even a little turned on?

Thundercracker thinks he is a big shot and will act like as if he is doing you a favor by loving you. Newsflash, he isn't, but his mind is hard to turn when he sets it on something.

"Don't you see how much I love you? You should feel honored that I've chosen a human like you as my Conjunx Endura!"

Skywarp, poor scared, and abused Skywarp clings to you like you are his shadow and he is even scared of that. He insists that he loves you, so please, protect him? He is so afraid, won't you be brave for him?

"I- I think I saw a Scraplet! P- Please save me, don't leave me alone, I'm so scared!"

Ramjet keeps on lying his aft off, but it works in your advantage. He may deny it, but you know he means exactly the opposite of what he says.

"What are you talking about? I don't love you! No, no, never! Not in a million-star years!"

Sunstorm is a complete and utter suck-up. He will flatter you to Heaven and back, but how genuine he really is?

"Oh, cute little Conjunx of ours! Your beauty or kindness knows no boundaries! Won't you do this poor Con a favor and give him one of those sweet kisses of yours?"

Slipstream is certainly something, only no one really knows what aspect of Starscream she represents. She gives you some tough love because it's only you and her against all these single-minded mechs.

"Please stop apologizing! You owe nothing to these idiots! I'm the only one you need to worry about!"

When or if you give in, all of them, every single one of his clones and Starscream himself love how you shower them with praises and sweet words that declare your love towards them.

They all have their own ways of reacting, but one thing is for certain, you will never be bored with them around you.

Getaway is Yandere for you!

Oh, there is a new human in Lost Light? What a pleasure it would be to get to know them and maybe gain an ally from them?

He didn't expect to see a cutie like you and the moment he saw you enter Lost Light as Earth's liaison and Megatron's new guardian, Getaway knew he had to get you all to himself.

He would approach you and kneel down, taking your small hand in his and making a smooth kiss noise as he would gently press his facemask against the back of your hand. He has you blushing in a matter of seconds and he grins secretly, absolutely sure that he can charm you on his side.

He loves listening to you tell him about Earth and loves hearing you joke and will offer a question or two about how or where you learned such funny things?

Getaway is also charming as Hell, he didn't become one of the hottest Bots out there with his looks alone!

Oh, darling, you have no reason to apologize so much, Getaway would forgive you after two or three apologies and say something charming that would make your heart beat in your chest.

Getaway is curious about your job and when he learns that your death would mean that Megatron would be executed, he grows a morbid plan of faking your death so he could get rid of Megatron.

The mech tries his best to paint a horrible image of Megatron into your mind, trying to get you to his and other rebels' side.

Getaway is the ultimate escape artist, able to escape from any tight spot he might find himself in. That includes an uncomfortable talk with you if you ever have one.

But oh mighty Primus save Getaway when you realize that he has been fooling you all this time and what he did to Rodimus, Megatron, and the rest of your friends. You're seething, knowing he used you for his own good! His only choice is to remove your memories...

But that's alright, little Sweetspark, the two of you can start off fresh! Let Getaway tell you how the two of you are actually lovers and evil Megatron stole your memories of him and you together...

It's okay, you can make new memories starting now as the new Lost Light's captain's Conjunx...!

[gryffintheparrotcat]

Just finished my first da:i run (didnt play the other two dragon age games yet, yes yes I know that's like a cardinal sin but I didn't want to buy 3 games and start with the crustiest and then potentially end up hating it. I'm already starting an origin run alright🙏)

I finally get why DA fans kept saying DA does companions (and honestly story choices too) better than bg3. I couldn't agree more. The character creator also being a proper rpg character creator and not just a few face presets warms my rpg gamer heart. I've successfully been converted to DA. The only thing I miss about bg3 is actually seeing what my character will say and being able to save and load during dialogues. The amount of times I picked the wrong option or just started looking the quest up to see what those dialogue options would be when said out loud...

I saw a lot of warnings not to start with da:i since it doesn't explain lore at all. However those signs didn't warn me because I can't read. Going blind into it was definitely a turbulent experience, I feel like I still don't get half of the beef between the nations but honestly I managed well. Standing on the side of the oppressed out of principle didn't fail me (I did make enemies with basically everyone tho...)

The ending (specifically the trespasser ending) has me feeling very emotional rn (unlike bg3-). My poor inquisitor really can't catch a break huh. He didn't even want to be inquisitor in the first place & now his boyfriend is in a whole different country and his arm is well... not well. (Solas when I catch you, you hetero bastard we could've been nerdy elven mage couple goals but nooo your plans include women and world destruction).

Anyways clawing at the bars of my enclosure playing DA is the only thing keeping me sane rn and Veilguard is taking it's damnest time. At least I have two more games to get through in the meantime ig. Unlike bg3, DA:I actually made me want to play the previous games (yk how good sequels in a series are supposed to- ok i'll stop the bg3 slander now).

We'll see if the brainworms, of which there are plenty, are strong enough to turn my ideas from mind to paper.

[beepersteeper]

I Will Always Find You -- Astarion x Tav-- Full of Surprises | Part 11

Astarion and F!Tav live happily together for the remaining years she has, she refuses to be turned into a vampire because her faith says that her soul isn’t finished with its work yet. Tav dies of old age and leaves Astarion to put together the pieces of his broken heart.

AN: Lord of Light lore taken and changed to fit the story's means. Not canonically accurate. TLDR storyline stuff. This is an AU where Astarion ascends but isn't a power-hungry bastard and Tav is able to help him continue healing. Wyll is immortal and the Duke. Karlach in my mind, if given a new engine would be able to live a lot longer than the usual tiefling.

Another AN: idk if anyone wants tagged in this WIP but let me know.

Astarions eyes meet hers for half a second before he grips the stranger's collar pulling them close to his face, bearing his fangs. “If you so much as lay another finger on her I promise to make sure it's the last thing you ever do.” He growls with his face inches away from the aggressor who is pinned to the wall

“I… I…” the person stammers as their hood falls to their shoulders to reveal a young human boy bleeding from his nose.

Astarions fierce eyes stay trained on the boy's form.

“I'm sorry!" The boy squeaks an apology and grabs at Astarion's wrists, trying to free himself and rising onto his tiptoes easing some of the strain on his shoulders. He starts to ramble almost incoherently about a dare to impress his mates.

“Let him go Star." Vira whispers and puts her hand on his shoulder 

“Absolutely not,” he responds flatly.

"Let him go.” She gently urges again, shaking her head "He's just a kid.”

"He just tried to mug you and you just want me to let him go." He asked dumbfounded, not loosening his grip.

“He didn't though. Either he learned from this experience or he'll learn the hard way another time.  But it doesn't have to be at your hand, my love. You've shown your power, now show your mercy."

His eyes meet hers and he squints trying to read between the lines for any hint. He heaves out a heavy breath and pushes the boy back as he lets his grip go. “Don't cross my path like this again." he points a damning finger at him as the boy turns around.

“Yes sir." The boy's voice cracks as he runs full speed down the alley and out of sight.

Astarion turns toward Vira and holds her face in his hands, studying to make sure she is okay. 

“I'm alright Star." She smiles at him

“No one hurts you." He says quietly, but with an unfamiliar heat while making direct eye contact. “I'm supposed to keep you safe …” his voice wavers. 

"And you did, you didn't let anything happen to me Star, and I never doubted that.” she makes sure his eyes meet hers.

He moves his hands from her face to her hands to bring them to his lips. She winces and pulls her dominant hand away, noticing for the first time the pain and swelling where her last two knuckles should be. “Darling… I'm no doctor but I've seen my fair share of broken bones” he stifles a chuckle, “I think you fractured your hand on that poor kid's face..." he gently holds her sore hand and wraps his handkerchief around it to splint the injury. “This will hurt, but I'm going to split this. Let's get you to Karlach, she can reset it for you so it can heal properly. It'll feel better when she gets it put together.” He lets out a pained sigh before his voice lifts again "I didn't expect you to be able to throw a punch." He no longer tries to hide his laugh when she playfully swats him with her good hand.

“I surprised myself if I'm to be totally honest." She laughs as well, looking at the makeshift bandage. “I don't know where that came from." She places her good hand in his and starts to walk to the bar again.  They walk into the building and hear their names called from a back booth and see Karlach waving her hand in the air to get their attention. They slide into the empty side of the booth. 

“What happened to you? We left you alone for like 30 minutes." Karlach asks, pointing at Vira's hand while Astarion pours wine in their glasses.  

“Some kid tried to jump me." Vira shrugs and takes a drink from her glass.

“And she punched him in the fucking nose. Properly fractured her hand in the process.” He looks at Vira from the corner of his eye with a smirk hiding behind his glass. 

Karlach reaches out her hands to look at the damage “I'm no healer, but I've had to reset a couple of bones in my time” She carefully takes the wrap off to survey the damage. "it's going to hurt like a bitch but once it's back where it belongs it'll feel better. You want me to get you put back together, slugger?" Vira nods "On the count of three okay?” Karlach flicks her eyes to Astarion who purses his lips before he slips his hand into Vira's. “1, 2" She pulls her two fingers out and pushes down on top of Vira's hand with her thumbs, feeling the bones pop where they should be.

“Gods, Fuck!" Vira hisses and holds her hand to her chest like a wounded animal. “What happened to three!?" 

Both Wyll and Astarion snicker and try to hide their laughter because they've both been on the receiving end of Karlach's countdown when they’d dislocated or broken things in the past. Karlach answers with a shrug reaching for Vira's hand again to put the wrap back on. "If I went on three you would have tensed up and it would have hurt more. You handled it surprisingly well if it's any consolation.”

"She's just full of surprises tonight.” he winks at her causing her to blush, momentarily forgetting about her hand.

"It seems that you are too, you haven't implied that any more harm than a punch to the nose came to the boy." Wyll raises his eyebrows in question at his friend.

"Duke Ravengard, are you implying that I could be capable of bringing harm to someone else?" He laughs pushing his hand to his chest, feigning insult.

“Implying my ass." Karlach chokes on her drink.

“Vira talked me out of it." He sighs “he was just a kid, and I think Vira punching him probably taught him the lesson he needed to learn.”

Vira groans and hides her face in her hand "I can't believe I punched a child.”

"If it makes you feel better, it wouldn't hold up in court because he approached you.” Wyll shrugs.

Vira rolls her eyes and sighs talking down at the table “I don’t think he's going to tell anyone. Star put the fear of the gods in him. I'm just embarrassed that I hit him.”

Wyll and Karlach talk at the same time giving sentiments about their first fights making her feel more comfortable. 

Hours pass far too quickly while the four talk, drink, and dance. Astarion watches Vira and Karlach talk like they've known one another for more than one evening. The two women excuse themselves to the restroom leaving wyll and Astarion sitting at the booth.

“They're getting on well.” Wyll chuckles and finishes his drink.

“Almost like they're old friends." Astarion smirks. 

When the women come back to the table they notice that it has been cleared and Wyll and Astarion are waiting for them. The bar had started closing down and gently urging patrons to leave. Astarion leaves to settle the group's tab and meets them outside the bar. The group walks toward the palace. Astarion walks beside Vira with his hand on her lower back guiding her through the twists and turns.

The group says their good nights and goes their separate ways for the evening. Astarion starts to walk toward the kitchen.

“Where are you going?" Vira asked, leaning on a desk in the hallway.

“Just going to dip into my reserve, I need a little extra after all of the drinks I had tonight.” he shrugs.

“Oh." She says putting her hands in her pockets, a little disappointment tinged in her voice.

He walks back to Vira and threads fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck while looking into her eyes, smiling just enough for his fangs to peak out. “Tsk why do you sound disappointed, darling?”

“I had just assumed you'd be eager to test your theory from earlier." She playfully shrugs. 

He runs his tongue behind his teeth and rakes his eyes across her face and down her neck. “What theory was that exactly?" He toys with her while he moves his hand to her neck to feel her pulse. 

“Well, if you don't remember, I guess you should go to your reserve.” Vira smirks and pushes herself away from the desk.

"I just think I need someone to jog my memory.” He steps forward pushing her back and onto the table, slotting himself between her legs tracing his hands down her sides, and resting them on her hips.

“Maybe it's because you're hungry that your memory doesn't serve you.” She playfully suggests.

She feels his smile widen as he kisses her neck. “Well, darling, what do you suggest since my mind is so clearly clouded by hunger,” he responds with an equally playful whine. 

“We could," She starts and pauses just for a moment, feeling his breath against her skin “Go to your room and you could feed from me.” She moves his head from her neck, kisses his palm sweetly and whispers "See if I taste different from this morning.”

“Oh." His eyes roll back for a moment and his breath catches “that theory." A small smile ticks up in the corners of her mouth He lifts her off the desk and feels her arms drape over his shoulders. He walks down the hall and up a flight of stairs still kissing her neck while he does.

Vira giggles when she feels her back press against the door before it opens. Astarion steps through the door and kicks it closed behind them. He strides across the room and leans her onto his writing desk.

“On the desk?" She laughs

“I might need to take notes.” He laughs at his joke and pushes his hand under her skirt and up her thigh just above where he had fed this morning. He squeezes her thigh gently “May I?" He raises his eyebrows, knowing the answer. 

She rolls her eyes and smiles “Of course." 

He licks his lips and kneels on the floor. He rests his chin on her thigh and looks up meeting her gaze. “Thank  you, darling." 

Vira runs her fingers through his hair “You know,” she starts and pauses when his teeth pierce her flesh “I don't mind this." she smiles “I wouldn't be opposed to doing this regularly.”

His eyes flick to her and he removes his lips from her thigh “I have quite the reservation of donors blood darling, you don't have to do this. I don't want to inconvenience you." He returns to her thigh lapping up two thin stripes of blood before taking another swallow.

“It’s no inconvenience, Star.." She pauses and loses herself in a moment of deja vu.

You've fed from me for months, my love, why do you need to go out and hunt for animals?  A voice that wasn't hers speaks but feels familiar.

Darling, as much as I adore you and your delicious blood I hate having to ask and inconvenience you. Astarion, who looked the same save for his clothes which were more elegant than even what he wore to the graduation. 

It has never been an inconvenience Vira felt her heart swell but I understand why you wouldn't want to just rely on me. 

Well dressed Astarion pressed a white handkerchief to her neck what do you suggest then my treasure? His voice was a pur tingling her ear as he spoke and let his other hand get lost in her hair and thumb stroking her cheek.

You are now a mighty lord of Balder’s gate. I'm sure you're clever enough to find a way to get and keep a reserve of blood for you to have whenever you want. She felt a coy smile cross her face that is when I'm otherwise occupied.

Tav, Astarion smiled so wide it could light up the room you are brilliant and beautiful.

“Vira?!" Astarion asks says urgently. “Ta’vira are you okay?" He adds with more panic in his voice.

“I'm fine Star." She shakes her head and forces a smile trying to steady her breath.

“Deja vu again?" He asks, standing and placing a black handkerchief with some pressure on her leg. Vira nods slowly. “Seems taxing lately my love…”

"It is.” She sighs. "I just- I need to study.” She said without effect. She slid off the desk and walked to her bag and dug through to find her journal and a beacon.

"Do you… want company?” He asked carefully, taking a half step forward before stopping not wanting to impose.

“I…” she paused in the doorway, and turned to look at Astarion face to ground herself. "would like that.” she reached out her hand for him to take.

They walk quickly through the halls to the library. Astarion finds some textbooks and other literature for them to read while Vira scrawled in her journal. He flips through books and bookmark passages that he hasn't read before. Vira sighs heavily, shuts her journal and rests her head on the book.  She groans and reaches for a book that Astarion has already marked and starts flipping through the pages. She stands up from her chair and starts tracing lines on the page she's stopped on.

Her finger trails a line in the book she reads out loud “After adolescence, people who are blessed by the light begin to recall things from their past life (or lives) in a process called anamnesis, this may be uncomfortable for some, and will often leave the person feeling like they are missing major parts of themselves.” she chuckles to herself and adds “at least I know it has a name I guess.”

“Are… you remembering things Vira?" He asks quietly and reaches for her hand.

She shrugs and shakes her head when she closes her hand around his "Today was the first that wasn't just blurry faces. There- there was context and feelings. Such strong feelings.”

"What happened? We were just talking about-”

"Your blood reserve." She interjects. “You've never told me why you started keeping a reserve right?”

"Not that I recall.” He shakes his head and studies her face. 

Without another word, her mouth turns down before she opens her journal and flips to previous pages to read again, trying to see if she had made any note from their conversations that would have influenced her Deja Vu. After finding nothing she continues to pour through an old textbook.

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