#As someone who struggles with depression I am so so tired of seeing a constant influx of

[loosiusgoosius]

Tired of these movies who's lesson is "the world sucks everything is bad consumerism is killing us media is rotting our brains and killing our empathy"

Maybe everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Maybe the average person can't just change the world. Maybe we're allows to acknowledge those issues and still find joy in things like video games and pop tarts. Maybe it's not about the horrible person saying X group of people is terrible in some way shape or form. Maybe it's about the lady who gives you a dollar you're short at the gas station. Maybe it's about treating yourself to chocolate after a long day. Maybe it's about the guy helping you load your groceries when you're struggling. Maybe it's about the coworker sending you a tiktok and saying "I thought of you".

Maybe we don't have to always see life as this horrible slog to get through and that we're constantly burdened by the choices made by other people, constantly atoning for sins that weren't even our originally. Maybe, just maybe, we can stop making every single piece of media and topic about how we as a human race are fucked and don't care about each other.

It's not true. It can't be true. The day it becomes true is same day I will decide that life is not worth living.

Fuck negativity.

You are doing the best with what you have.

[pippin-katz]

Merthur & Johnlock

You know what I just realized? I was (and still am) a big Johnlock shipper. I love Sherlock despite the many issues I have with it, and it was my primary mlm live action ship for a while.

Then Merlin came along.

I kid you not, I literally said out loud: “Why the fuck was I bothering with Sherlock?”

I didn’t mean it in a “show vs show” way, but more in a “vibe vs vibe” way. There was something about Merlin that made me happier and more excited than Sherlock ever did. Merlin and Arthur’s dynamic was some how so much more fun to me than John and Sherlock’s, which is interesting given the similarities.

Arthur’s a privileged royal who has Merlin take care of him. Sherlock is very capable consulting detective who has John take care of him.

Arthur and Merlin insult each other constantly without any real bite. John and Sherlock insult each other constantly without any real bite.

Both pairs pretend not to care as much as they do, and go full “kill” mode if the other is in danger.

Neither of them know what “communication” means.

Arthur and Sherlock are both self centered and arrogant. Merlin and John are both sick and tired of their bullshit.

While Arthur and Sherlock can operate without Merlin and John, they struggle significantly when they’re absent. Arthur is a helpless mess, and Sherlock can’t focus on his cases to the point of missing an incredibly obvious detail.

Merlin and John are perfectly able to exist without Arthur and Sherlock, but they are miserable or constantly thinking about them. John lives with thinking Sherlock is dead for two years, and he’s super fucking depressed, even with a girlfriend he intends to marry. Merlin can’t go anywhere or do anything without thinking about if Arthur will be safe, and talks about him constantly for no real reason.

Both pairs are willing to die to save the other.

They both get jealous/protective when someone they don’t approve of is making advances. With Merlin it’s the princesses and ladies that take advantage of him, like Sophia, Vivian and Elena (albeit unknowingly), and Mithian, even though there was nothing wrong with her. The only relationship he supports is with Gwen. John gets super aggressive and protective when Irene is messing with Sherlock. Sherlock goes out of his way to interfere and insult every woman John is involved with aside from Mary. While Arthur never sees or is confronted with the idea of Merlin actually in a relationship, I’d assume it would go pretty similarity. His response to being told that Merlin is even “seeing a girl” is disbelief and skepticism when he gets back.

They both make ridiculous amounts of direct eye contact that anyone with eyes notices as being a bit much for friends.

I could probably find even more if I continued to think about it, but my point is that they’re very similar dynamics. So why do I like Merthur so much more than Johnlock?

I finally figured it out!

It’s because in Sherlock, their relationship is constantly questioned and denied throughout the whole show. It’s both a joke, and not a joke. But because it takes place in modern times, we constantly get reminders of “he’s not my boyfriend” or “I’m not gay” and constant jabs from side characters.

Merlin doesn’t take place in an era where they would talk like that. You could come up with equivalent dialogue that fits the time period, but it would definitely feel out of place. So it just doesn’t happen. Nowhere in Merlin are Arthur and Merlin poked fun at/bugged about whether their relationship is platonic. Nowhere in Merlin does Arthur or Merlin say “I’m not gay” or “he’s not my boyfriend”.

I didn’t realize how exhausting that was until it wasn’t there.

While Arthur is definitely attracted to women, and in love with Gwen, there’s never a moment where he denies Merlin. It’s because he’s never asked, but that gives the viewer more room to interpret their feelings.

With John, he’s constantly shutting down any suggestion of being gay, or being in a relationship with Sherlock, despite all the evidence in front of his face that he feels differently about him than other people.

Now that I’ve realized it, I’m shocked at how much of a difference that made in my feelings toward the shows and ships.

EDIT AFTER SEEING SOME REPLIES/REBLOGS: This is not meant to be interpreted as a Merthur VS Johnlock post!! I am purely talking about the subconscious difference in feeling I felt but couldn’t figure out!! This is not a breakdown of all my thoughts and feelings about the two shows/ships! It’s not meant to be about one being superior than the other! That’s why the title is Merthur AND Johnlock! Just clearing that up!!

[latinapoetbts]

You, I Want You - KTH | Y/N ~ Reader Insert [Latina/Noona love]

Summary: Y/N Latina Noon Reader is separated from her asshole husband. He has been verbally and psychologically abusive. She is in the process of reinventing herself by pursuing her master's degree. She gets invited to the club and feels out of place as if she doesn't fit in with this crowd of younger college students. Tae Hyung is determined to show her that she belongs and that he finds her more than just attractive.

Labels: Smut/ Sex & alcohol, reference to mental health struggles (anxiety, depression), Cheating/Separated, club scene, age gap better reader and KTH, reader older by at least 4 to 5 years, jealousy. (3 part one shot, I am copying this from my AO3 Account)

You, I want you| Chapter 1:

You weren’t exactly sure why you were here.  At first you told yourself it wasn’t a big deal, you're still young. You often told yourself, ‘so what if you're not a traditional college student, you're in a masters program’ .  Your classmates often commented they never thought you were older than 25. But their youthful and single club shenanigans were a constant reminder that you were 8-10 years older. You were the only one with a child and the second married person in the class. Yet for some reason they insisted on you coming with them. You had been with them plenty of times to have a drink after late night classes but that was different than going to a club. You had told them “no” everytime, yet this time they were not willing to take no for an answer. Now here you were trying to get an amaretto sour at the local hot spot, Club Posh. Your patience was thinning you knew you were getting ignored by the female bartenders. Gone where your young days when you would have flashed a confident grin and charmed your way to the front and even earned free drinks from the female bartenders. You had lost your light, lost your way, lost who you are inside. Who could blame you, if they only knew what heartbreak you had gone through. Your soul felt crushed. 

You were ready to give up, tired of getting ignored, willing to just pick up wine from the store and head home. That was until you felt someone brush up against you, then the sudden warmth of breath on your ear, followed by a hand to your waist right at the small of your back. 

“Looks like you could use some help? What is it you want?” You knew that voice well. Your breath hitched and a shiver traveled down your spin, tingles pooling at the pit of your abdomen. You turn slightly towards the voice catching the nearness of their side profile. Pointed round nose, chiseled jawline, soft black curls framing their eye and tip of their ear. Your lips inches from their cheek. You unconsciously swallow followed by licking your lips. You knew you were in trouble. 

‘You, I want you’ , your mind was slowly unhinging. The words nearly bursting out of your lips. You faced forward, keeping your unhinging thoughts at bay.

“I--um, I wan--ted, an amaretto sour.”. Another lick of your lips and reflexive swallow. 

“Ah, that’s a good cocktail, let me help you.”, he makes eye contact with you, flashing you that confident boxy sexy smile that has been known to distract you class quite often. This time you bite at your lip nervously and nod unable to do anything else. He leans in one more time, “Stay here”. You only nod in agreement.

You watched as he quickly made his way to the bar. Watching his animated talk, the female bartender who was ignoring you previously was providing him with her full attention even using her arms to push up her cleavage as she flirtatiously leaned over the bar.  

You watched their interaction. He was something , confident, playful and sexy. You haven't seen him this way ever, till now. To be exact, he was always emanating confidence with a sexy aurora just by existing or doing the bare minimum but seeing his flirtatious charm was a first. 

You felt yourself picking at your nails in nervousness. The growing sensation of feeling insecure was starting to spill out. You were losing your nerve. 

‘I shouldn’t be here, I don’t belong. What the hell am I doing, I’m the only one here other than him’ .  You wondered why the girls were not here yet. Your heartbeat quickens and you felt the panic start to build in the pit of your stomach. 

‘He probably feels sorry for me, this is embarrassing’ , frequent critical self hating thoughts raced through your mind. You glanced down at what you were wearing a grimace forming or your lips. You look towards the entrance feeling ready to dart to the exit.

‘You look like an old cougar trying too hard to look sexy, how could you wear that hideous outfit’ , You pulled at the strap of your form fitting, deep green one sleeve tank top with a plunging v line. Your eyes landing at your exposed cleavage. Yes, you felt very exposed and self conscious. You pulled at your cascading locks of hair attempting to hide your shoulders and some of your cleavage.

‘What the hell were you thinking, you're a mom you can’t wear something like this. You're not even sexy anymore’. It was all too much, you just couldn’t silence the bartering words in your head. That's when you decided to turn and walk towards the exit. 

“Hey where are you running off too, I have our drinks”. You stopped at a quarter turn and faced him. A smile on his lips illuminated his face. You were frozen ‘why was he being so kind’, you wondered to yourself, ‘pity’ was all you could hear ringing in your ear. 

“Oh, thank you so much. oh wow, that’s some talent there, holding two drinks in each hand and that’s a lot of amaretto…. hereletmegiveyoumoney”, The words spilled out jumbled in your nervousness. You take two glasses out of his hand, your fingers skimming over his. His skin soft and supple, not rough like yours. 

“No way! I am not letting you pay for drinks tonight. You deserve to have fun and let loose! And not really talent, I was just fortunate to be born with big hands and loooong fingers.” He flashes you his free hand wiggling his fingers. Another unintentional hard swallow and nibble of your bottom lip escaping you as your eyes stayed glued to his waving fingers. Oh yes, you had noticed those hands and long nimble fingers since day two of classes. He was your escape from your life of pain, sorrow and regret. He was a wonderful distraction from deep rooted hopelessness that you masked with laughter and your outgoing personality. You were ashamed to admit you imagined often what those hands and fingers could do to you. 

“Thank you, that's really sweet of you, I’ll get the next round”, you say followed by chasing down your drink quickly as possible.

“Woah, someone is out to have a really good time tonight and I can't wait to see it (grinning) and I said no, I got the hook up with Lacey back there and besides I told you, I’m not letting you pay for any drinks tonight, with or without a hook up”. He cocked his head to the side raising one prominent eyebrow, as in daring you to defy him. His stern look melted away to a smile as you yourself could not help but smile shly in return. You were touched by his kindness but also felt slight embarrassment, the critical voices in your head battle for dominance. You start on your second drink and decide getting tipsy might be a good idea in order to calm your nerves. You were going to need some shots. You glanced towards the bar studying this Lacey, she was beautiful and seemed to be around the same age as him. You did not have one doubt in your mind about his story. You were sure she offered him free drinks for the night in hopes of something in return. You smiled flatley, ‘what I would give to be her right now, I’d give him anything he wanted’ you told yourself letting out sigh. You turn to him but avoid eye contact.

“Free drinks huh? Wow, lucky you and she’s hot. Looks like someone might get lucky…”  You say as you reach out to playful swat his arm, yup, you were definitely feeling more comfortable. You let your hand linger a little too long feeling the firmness of his muscle underneath your touch. He brings his glass to his lips taking a drink, your hands standing still moving with his movement. His eyes peer over his glass making eye contact with you and holding your gaze.

“Na, she’s not my type. And...I have my eyes set on someone else...” His eyes lingering and locked with yours, you felt your face flush under his intense gaze, ‘who could it be, could it be possible, me? ’ He  breaks eye contact and peers over your shoulder as you hear a loud high pitched familiar voice.

“Tae Hyung! I’m so glad you're here!” her squeal was shrill, she shouldered passed you and wrapped her arms around him. You instantly felt your heart sink, ‘what was I thinking? I'm that buzzed already that I would even think he is referring to me, an unattractive cougar with a kid’. You let out a small laugh, laughing at the audacity that you would even rometly think he would even consider you worthy of a drunk fuck. You needed to get away from him. He was just too intoxicating and you were starting to feel the effect of the alcohol yourself. You knew you would embarrass yourself around him the more you drank. You turned on your heels, your eyes resting on the club entrance once again. The voices in your self conscious mind swirling. You take a step forward in hesitation, leaving them standing in a lover's embrace.

‘That’s right, you don’t belong, no one really wants you, not even your husband, look at you, that’s why he did what he did to you.’

‘Fuck, not that’ , you curse yourself. Panic fills your lungs as you freeze feeling loooong fingers wrapping around your wrist. ‘What are you doing, please don’t’, you thought to yourself. 

“Hey, where are you going Y/N, trying to run away on me again?” His fingers still circling your wrist holding you back. You stood still thinking of what to say, his touch was grounding nearly hypnotic. 

‘Run away? That’s what I most certainly should do but you trapp every time with your captivation’

“What? Run away? I don’t think so unless using the bathroom is considered running away and what would I be running from?” You felt a wave of confidence wash over you taken back by your own question. 

“I’m not exactly sure but my gut says you're running from my unrelenting charms”. He follows with another raise of his eyebrow. He was right about his unrelenting charms and needing to get as far from his as possible but a smile formed on your lips. As you turn to face him full on and draw your wrist from his grasp you let out a slight scoff to mask any nervousness you still might be emanating. 

“Unrelenting charms that work on barely legal girls not grown educated confident women such as myself. Thus, I’m not running from you Kim Tae Hyung.” You flashed him a grin. Your eyes searched for Amanda, who stood feet away nearly gawking at the two of you. You were not sure why, but You loved that she seemed flustered by what she saw. 

“Here’s my other empty glass, I’ll be back”. A wide smile spread across his lips lighting up even his eyes. He seemed surprised and pleased with your response, letting out a soft chuck.

“Cheeky and I like it. Are you ready for a few more? Or would you like something different?” Him still grinning at you. 

“Ya I’ll take two more of...oh just surprise me”.

“Tae Hyung, I want two as well of whatever you both are having….” Amanda standing only inches behind him, slipping her arm in the space of his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. Neither you or him had noticed when she had moved so close. You quickly spun around making your way to the bathroom. You did not want to see their interactions any longer. 

‘Keep it together y/n’, you told yourself. ‘Where is the group?’ you wondered as he neared the bathroom. 

[physicsfox7]

Sometimes I think I played the first chunk of my life on easy mode. I always got away with everything, I had money in my pocket that I earned, even when shit was bad at school I always skated by.

I met Kenna, and we were joined at the hip. We got married, and we moved to New York. Even when money was tight, we always managed to make something work. I was happy, I think. Because I ignored how I felt inside, just suppressed it.

Things were good. I had a very well paying job, we finally had our own place, we werent just surviving, we were thriving and healing.

Then I got fired, and it feels like every day has been a struggle. I decided fuck it, time to do some personal growth, and I learned how to unmask. Imagine being so diligent, so efficient at masking, you have to unlearn how to do it. You have been so afraid of being your true self for so long, you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

Dont get me wrong, I love my partner and my friends with all my heart. They are true, genuine bright spots in my life. But everything outside of them is so dark. I hate how weak I've become, that the smallest thing puts me in bed for days. I feel sick all the time, I can't find motivation for anything but spending time with my friends.

And if I think someone is upset with me? Even over something small? Who needs sleep anyway? Every time I fuck up, the first place my head goes is: they're going to abandon you, just like every other person you cared about. You're going to be all alone, and no one will care. So get out ahead of it. Push them away first, go cold again. You don't need them, you got along fine on your own.

I hate myself for it. Because now, I fight back. I swallow my pride and I reach out. And it's never serious, they always tell me what the problem is, and we talk it out. But I'm such a whipped fucking puppy, I go through anxiety for hours or days before I work up the courage.

What if this time, I'm wrong. What if this time they really are tired of dealing with my bullshit. I'm headstrong, I dont listen, I get wrapped up in my own shit. I am hard to be friends with. What happens then?

I'm so tired of being scared of being abandoned. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a constant disappointment to everyone around me. I'm so tired of feeling sick, and scared. I'm so tired of pulling everyone down around me with my depression and drama.

All I want is for my friends to see me online and get happy. I want my partner to come home and feel warmth and welcome. I want to be a better person instead of just slipping right back into shitty habits. Every day this keeps going, every day I dont get better, I question if I'm even worth it anymore. Just keep disappointing everyone until they all leave, get rid of me and live better lives. Then I can get some shitty little job that makes me miserable, and go back to living with my dad and being miserable, and isolating myself so I stop plaguing everyone. Then I can be the genuinely shitty person I know I am deep down, and I'll hate myself for it, but at least I can stop hurting the people I care about.

[eldestvirtuevic]

Maybe life isn't that bad after all. But I don't really remember a time when my life wasn't a constant struggle with myself. And I think I constantly relive the past. I feel like I'm unable to trust or connect with a human being in a deeper emotional level. I'm anxious, scared, angry, disappointed and tired. I expect so fucking much from myself and when I fail to meet these expectations I feel like I should be punished. I don't know whether I believe or believed I deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be flourishing. I mean I've been taking meds since I was 13 and have attented therapy sessions countless times. Somehow I survived my preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school despite depressive episodes reappearing over and over again and recurring suicidal thoughts. I think that I was in my little shell, impenetrable barrier protecting me from all of the dangers of the outside world. I still am, probably. I've never talked about myself and my interests. I was afraid of being ridiculed, judged, and disrespected. Well, maybe there were moments where I was authentic and revealed who I was during meetings with my closest group of friends at that time. I think that I don't know really know how to talk about myself, my feelings and my interests. It's an art that I'm not very good at. Or maybe I want to believe that I'm not very good at. I often feel that I'm unauthentic. It was always the case that I borrowed interests and worldviews from the people that I spent time with. I was doing everything to blend in, to be someone else, but be accepted and liked. I felt like my authentic self was unattractive, unexciting, boring. I mean I still feel that way. But I'd like to change that. I'd to like myself, to love myself. I'd to like to show myself to the world. Maybe I'm not that bad at all. Maybe there's hope. What I was even writing about lmao? Idk I know that I'm tired of hiding myself and of other things, but maybe later about that. God, I needed that vent so bad. I don't know whether it's coherent and well-structured. So, what I'm gonna do? I don't know. Am I gonna feel all right? How would I know? Let's just see

[tomyeros]

V.

"With you,

You shine the brightness in the starless night sky.

For my eyes, only look towards you.

Proud to be yours. Yes, only yours.

Which forever etched in my heart."

Hi babe, it's me Marcellino again. We have meet again on this 18th for the fifth time. Time surely flies passing by, but it feels like a dream. There is so much words I want to say to you. However, first and for most, I love you Alana. I wholly do for the nth time. Yet, it neve gets tired of saying those simple three words. Guess the habits will stay permanently. Heh.

These days especially these last two months, was one of the most busiest day of your life. I understood that, I can't do anything but to support you wholly without never means to stop. When you confide to me that you were restless, hitting depression harder, and constant overthinking. I've immediately went to your side without a question and to listen your personal struggles even I do not know what's the reason behind it. Since you chose to not say it in a fear of being harshly criticize. But, I don't force you to say it and I simply listen to your rants, to make you feel better, to give you most comfort with all my strength to bear, and mostly, I valued your feelings and your happiness. I'm most gladly that you chose to share with me because you need someone to talk to. Rest assured, my love. I will always be your best listener and not the type to judge you.

My love, you don't have to fight alone anymore. You have me to be on your side, to share our emotion together. To cry, to be sad, to be happy and whatever our emotion comes out. Let's do that together, hm? I don't mind if it is going to be for the rest of my life, in after life and next. If not in this present.

Alana, my most precious sweetest girlfriend I adore so dearly.

I love you, with every inch fabric of my entire existence. I love you for accepting who I am and it makes me feel butterflies that you still adore my stoic persona but there is beautiful behind it. You already saw it and chose to fall in love with me. How do I deserve you? Your existence is the greatest blessing that God had given me. Even if I said it for many times, I still truly do. And that is the fact, you are mostly loved by me only.

To celebrate this whole five months with you, I proudly say that I'm yours forever. I'm wholly the luckiest man alive to be fallen in love by you. Not to mention that you were the first to fall in love with me and to confess up with me. Ah those are beautiful things to witness and it will be forever engrave in my heart. Such moments with you will always be worth remembering. It makes me sobbing real while I writing this letter to you. More like on the happy tears and it makes me even love you more every seconds past.

But still, I missed you so bad. :')

p.s. You keep annoying me as your love language, It made me driving crazily over you. So obsessed in love with you. I don't have regrets when I chose you. I love you so fucking much muchier and muchiest!

Once again, Happy 5th Monthsary with you.

Please be happy my love, I love to see your smile everyday. Even if I am not around. You will always be irreplaceable for me. No one will ever take your place on my heart. Only you, that I love the most in my life.

[sadstarsz]

future

whenever someone asks me where i picture myself in the future i always think of the same thing; dead. i have wanted to be dead for as long as i can remember, i can literally physically feel the depression in my body. however, i never tell anyone because it feels attention seeking or im worried they'll see me differently or even say it's just some 'teen angst' but i am so much more than that. so you know what? fuck that. i am tired of wanting to die or disappear. in the future, i want to move to a nice city somewhere far away from my current town and live in a flat with my future girlfriend. i want to have reached out and gotten help. i want to be going to therapy and doing better. i want to stop self-harming so my scars will hopefully fade and showers will stop making me wince at the constant stinging. i'll publish poetry books and YA novels. i'll to get a semi-colon tattoo on my left wrist, a star behind my right ear and a music note on my shoulder. i'm gonna make music. if i don't earn enough money from writing and music i'll either open up a little shop filled with alternative clothing, records, trinkets etc (basically something similar to a charity shop) or i'll be a criminal physcologist. i want to be something.

i want to make an impact on the world because i dont want to have wasted my life being sad; that's what i've been doing for god knows how long. i really want to be able to say all the things im too weak or too quiet to. i wish i could say what i want to; future me better try and do that. i hope in the future people know me for something good. i dont want to be the 'person you sit next to in class' or 'the girl who let you copy her answers in maths'. i want to make a difference. i want someone who is struggling and is different just like i am to know that i understand. all i've ever wanted is to feel understood. so please future me, make a difference and help one sad teenager feel understood.

when i get older (like grandma kind of old) i want to live in a little cottagey type of home but not one with a straw roof. i want to grow old there with the future girlfriend who will at this point hopefully be my future wife. i want to have bookshelves and bookshelves of books. i want to travel around the world in a caravan with my wife for about a year.

my final wish for future me is to just be happy, in all honesty as much as i'd love all this all i really need is to be happy.

[fairycosmos]

girl help, a friend of mine who's 25 and who struggles a lot (several severe mental and physical illnesses, fucked up abusive parents that she lives with, abusive shitty boyfriend, no job, no financial security etc) says she wants a child asap so that it will give her a sense of meaning and security and essentially "fix" her. idk what to tell her i just don't think that's a good idea for her OR for the child. she literally said getting married or having a child would fix her

what a mess :/ i'm sorry to hear that. it must be really hard to see your friend go through all of this while wanting to make such unhealthy yet permanent decisions on top of it all.

it sounds like she's in a really bad place, and isn't thinking rationally or clearly, which will probably make it really hard to get through to her. as an outsider looking in on the situation, there's definitely only so much you can do here, and i'm sure you've already thought of all the ways you can express your uncertainty with her plans and your concern for her well-being, which is really one of the only things you can consistently do as mate. i think trying your best to ground her in reality when the topic of parenthood comes up would be a good way to go about things - talk about the sleep deprivation, the insane cost, the possible post partum depression, the lack of resources she currently has available to her to raise a whole human being, the lifelong commitment, the crushing and constant responsibility, having no down-time. i'm sure on some level she already knows it, and maybe she won't be that receptive to hearing it, but keeping it as real as possible with her is honestly super necessary at this point imo. you're a hundred percent right about her not having the means to realistically do this, but she may be in such a desperate and isolated state of mind that she doesn't want to admit it. if you speak to her from a place of genuine worry, she may be more likely to hear you out eventually, even if it takes time.

honestly, hearing about this sort of thing usually really pisses me off - i am so fucking tired of people carelessly actively choosing to have children that they're ill prepared for and perpetuating the seemingly never-ending cycle of trauma, but i think mostly i just feel really sad for your friend. stability and companionship do seem really enticing when you don't have either of them, and we all deserve to experience those things in one way or another. it's cruel that only some people get appropriate access to it, you know? i think what your friend might be looking for is a sense of support and community, feeling like she belongs to something and has a purpose. if you're able to encourage her to go to therapy, build up a healthy routine, invest her time and energy into communal hobbies - she may end up finding that feeling from other sources before she actually does end up having kids or marrying someone out of pure loneliness. obviously, this isn't solely your responsibility, and she has to want to be an adult about the situation, to want to do whats right. it's first and foremost her choice to make, and all you can do as someone who deeply cares for her is try to be there. try to encourage healthier choices, like seeking professional help and being honest with her about her limited/idealistic perspective and showing that you just want what's best for her. i think if you're doing that, you're really doing all you can do without crossing any lines and pushing her away even further. this sucks, and i totally understand why you're feeling all sorts of ways about it. that's totally justified. i hope she comes to her senses soon. it may just be a phase. sending hug to you. x

[ghoulgums]

I'm really sorry to hear about May. Please talk to someone though don't bottle up these feelings again. And life definitely isn't wasted on you you bring so much happiness and love into the world it would be so much worse without your light in it

I haven’t spoken to anyone online in days, I feel so empty, I have almost nothing to say to anyone, funnily enough though this is the first time I haven’t felt lonely, it’s kinda odd?

social media is triggering me hard at the moment, I’m getting tired of reading posts and statuses of people expressing a desire for an eating disorder so that they can lose weight, I had acute anorexia from my early teens and received a formal diagnosis of anorexia nervosa a couple of years ago, every day I am battling my head/body and there are people actively WISHING that they had the illness, it’s knocking me sick.

everyone seems to be depressed and suicidal at the moment, and I’ve since realised that I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to take on anyone else’s problems when I’m trying SO HARD not to end my life on the daily.

these next coming weeks I’m going to be a full time carer for my partner as a result of a surgical procedure he’s having done, and I’m looking forward to feeling ‘needed’ as that’s a driving factor for my survival, if I’m not needed then I don’t see the point of being.

my independence is so limited due to my financial and mental health struggles, and also the fact I feel extreme guilt at doing nice things for myself so I won’t do a lot of things without ‘permission’.

I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel despite the medication, therapy sessions, and support I receive. I believe I’m always going to be tormented by my traumas even though I’ve been trying to manage them on and off for 17 years.

the hard work I’ve put in to reach recovery has proved ineffective, and the thought of having to live with these conditions for the rest of my life is exhausting and terrifying.

I feel like all I’m doing is making the people around me miserable because the joy has been sucked out of me, and I don’t want to be that guy in any way, shape or form.

I feel like I’ve let everyone down, people have these expectations of me that I can’t always meet and as a result I get grief, I’m sorry but I can’t live my life catering to people who don’t even know what’s going on in my life.

I’ve had an absolutely garbage year and it’s felt like I’ve been dragging boulders, the heaviness is so physical that it hurts.

not to state the obvious, but I am alive, I’m existing just about.

I don’t feel like I bring much light, and it devastates me because all I ever wanted was to be happy and spread love and acceptance, but I’m not happy and it just doesn’t look like it’s in the cards for me. yes, there are things that make me feel happy, but overall I’m not happy in the slightest regardless of my efforts to change it.

I just feel like I’m surrounded by constant reminders of the fact that my life has been different to the people around me, and I get envious and bitter as a result.

I’m holding on, but something has got to give at some point, it just has to.

[mandyjane-lifedesign]

Tiredness: When Should You See A Doctor?

According to YouGov, one in eight Britons (13%) live in a state of permanent exhaustion, while 25% of the population is weary ‘most of the time’. While tiredness is a very common trait, it can hide – or spur – some other unwanted health conditions that you may need to see a doctor about. Experts at myGP have explored potential reasons behind consistent weariness and when you should contact your GP. From psychological causes to physical and health-related causes, if tiredness continues to be a problem, Dr Harriet Leyland, Clinical Advisor at myGP comments on when you should pay your doctor a visit. The Causes of Being Tired All the Time: When Should You See a Doctor?  There is no hiding that we all feel tired from time to time. For some people, this feeling is very frequent, to the point that it even has its own acronym – TATT, or ‘tired all the time’.   According to YouGov, one in eight Britons (13%) live in a state of permanent exhaustion, while 25% of the population is weary ‘most of the time’. Only 3% of Brits say that they never feel knackered and are ready to crack on with their day-to-day life fully energised. Lucky them!  Despite being a common and often overlooked symptom, tiredness can have a wide range of negative effects on well-being. But what are the main reasons behind your constant sense of fatigue? When should you get in touch with your GP?   Why am I so tired?  As mentioned, there may be several motives for which a night’s sleep doesn’t recharge your body as it should. This could be down to psychological factors, physical and health conditions, or even lifestyle habits.   Let’s take a closer look at some of the potential reasons behind your consistent weariness.  Psychological causes   Poor mental health is one of the most common causes of tiredness and fatigue. Psychological causes can lead to conditions such as insomnia or simply hinder the quality of your sleep, which can in turn favour daytime drowsiness.    Here are some of the psychological causes that could be having a toll on your fatigue levels:  Emotional distress or shock – There are many life events that could have an impact on your ability to rest and sleep properly. Anything distressing, from a relationship break-up to grief and bereavement, can make you feel exhausted for days – if not weeks.  Stress – Stress is a fatigue-inducing factor too. Remember that things such as challenging days at work or bill payments are not the only scenarios that can spur this sentiment. Even happier events, including getting married, starting your new dream job, and moving house, come with their fair share of stress.    Anxiety or depression – Both anxiety and depression are closely linked to chronic fatigue. These two conditions can make someone feel extremely tired even if they have managed to get their recommended eight hours of sleep. For example, depression occurs when somebody feels sad, anxious, and hopeless for extended periods of time, which can eventually have a negative influence on their energy levels too.  Physical and health-related causes  There are also many different physical conditions and health-related causes that may show constant tiredness as a prime symptom. Some include:  Sleep apnoea – In simple terms, sleep apnoea is when your breathing starts and stops when you’re sleeping, meaning you will struggle to get a good night’s rest on a regular basis. If you are not able to enjoy a linear night’s sleep, you are bound to feel persistently knackered during the day.  Anaemia – Anaemia, and iron deficiency anaemia specifically, is a condition where your body presents a lack of iron and healthy red blood cells that carry oxygen to organs and tissues. This is a common condition that, among many other symptoms such as dizziness, weakness, and pale skin, has tiredness as one of its main consequences.  Menopause – Someone who is going through menopause may find that they are often left dragging during their day-to-day activities. This is because hormones change significantly over this time, giving you hot flashes and sweats that keep you up at night and make it difficult to fall asleep.  Lifestyle causes  Everyone has their very own routine, which can dictate feelings of tiredness too. If you work night shifts, for example, you may end up getting tired more easily, especially if your slots alter from one week to the next.   Likewise, if you have busy schedules all the time, it is easy to get into the habit of drinking coffee, tea, and energy drinks regularly to temporarily boost your activeness. However, these all contain caffeine, which is a stimulant that can disrupt your sleep pattern and ease feelings of fatigue.  This is also true with alcohol. As well as having many other drawbacks,  drinking too much alcohol can increase your levels of tiredness.    When should I see a doctor?  If you realise that your tiredness is triggered by poor sleep hygiene (e.g., exposure to screens before bedtime, going to bed too late, etc.) and can fix your night routines, you don’t need to see a healthcare professional.  But if tiredness continues to be a problem, Dr Leyland, Clinical Advisor at myGP says that you should pay your doctor a visit.   “Fatigue can result in slower reactions, reduced ability to process information, memory lapses, absent-mindedness and reduced coordination. These can lead to accidents or reduced productivity, for example at work.    Where possible you should consider lifestyle changes to improve sleep but seek advice from your GP if tiredness symptoms persist. There may be an underlying health issue requiring a GP prescription." What are some of the most prevalent disadvantages of being tired all the time? Here are a few drawbacks to keep in mind:  Memory issues – As mentioned, tiredness and fatigue can be ascribable to sleep deprivation. During sleep, your brain goes through complex processes that help you remember and retain information. So, restless nights, which provoke fatigue, can negatively affect both your short- and long-term memory.  Lack of concentration – Likewise, drowsiness can cause trouble when it comes to thinking and keeping concentrated. If you often feel tired, you may find that your creative and problem-solving skills are below par on a regular basis.  Mood changes – Being tired can also make you very moody and quick-tempered. If this sense of fatigue persists, it could result in more serious conditions in the long term, such as anxiety and depression.  Reduced immunity – Constant tiredness also goes hand-in-hand with a weakened immune system. If it doesn’t work as well as it should, you are more likely to be exposed to germs and catch colds and flus.     Are you weary all the time? If in doubt, don’t hesitate to contact your doctor.   While tiredness is a very common trait, it can hide – or spur – some other unwanted conditions that need nipping in the bud. This way, you can make sure you are always as happy and healthy as can be.  Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash Read the full article

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

[latinapoetbts]

You, I Want You (KTH/Latina Reader | 3 parts)

Chapter 1: You, I want you

Warnings: Sex & alcohol : reference to mental health struggles (anxiety, depression): Cheating/Separated

**Reader Insert** (Noona love)

You weren’t exactly sure why you were here.  At first you told yourself it wasn’t a big deal, you're still young. You often told yourself, ‘so what if you're not a traditional college student, you're in a masters program’ .  Your classmates often commented they never thought you were older than 25. But their youthful and single club shenanigans were a constant reminder that you were 8-10 years older. You were the only one with a child and the second married person in the class. Yet for some reason they insisted on you coming with them. You had been with them plenty of times to have a drink after late night classes but that was different than going to a club. You had told them “no” everytime, yet this time they were not willing to take no for an answer. Now here you were trying to get an amaretto sour at the local hot spot, Club Posh. Your patience was thinning you knew you were getting ignored by the female bartenders. Gone where your young days when you would have flashed a confident grin and charmed your way to the front and even earned free drinks from the female bartenders. You had lost your light, lost your way, lost who you are inside. Who could blame you, if they only knew what heartbreak you had gone through. Your soul felt crushed. 

You were ready to give up, tired of getting ignored, willing to just pick up wine from the store and head home. That was until you felt someone brush up against you, then the sudden warmth of breath on your ear, followed by a hand to your waist right at the small of your back. 

“Looks like you could use some help? What is it you want?” You knew that voice well. Your breath hitched and a shiver traveled down your spin, tingles pooling at the pit of your abdomen. You turn slightly towards the voice catching the nearness of their side profile. Pointed round nose, chiseled jawline, soft black curls framing their eye and tip of their ear. Your lips inches from their cheek. You unconsciously swallow followed by licking your lips. You knew you were in trouble. 

‘You, I want you’ , your mind was slowly unhinging. The words nearly bursting out of your lips. You faced forward, keeping your unhinging thoughts at bay.

“I--um, I wan--ted, an amaretto sour.”. Another lick of your lips and reflexive swallow. 

“Ah, that’s a good cocktail, let me help you.”, he makes eye contact with you, flashing you that confident boxy sexy smile that has been known to distract you class quite often. This time you bite at your lip nervously and nod unable to do anything else. He leans in one more time, “Stay here”. You only nod in agreement.

You watched as he quickly made his way to the bar. Watching his animated talk, the female bartender who was ignoring you previously was providing him with her full attention even using her arms to push up her cleavage as she flirtatiously leaned over the bar.  

You watched their interaction. He was something , confident, playful and sexy. You haven't seen him this way ever, till now. To be exact, he was always emanating confidence with a sexy aurora just by existing or doing the bare minimum but seeing his flirtatious charm was a first. 

You felt yourself picking at your nails in nervousness. The growing sensation of feeling insecure was starting to spill out. You were losing your nerve. 

‘I shouldn’t be here, I don’t belong. What the hell am I doing, I’m the only one here other than him’ .  You wondered why the girls were not here yet. Your heartbeat quickens and you felt the panic start to build in the pit of your stomach. 

‘He probably feels sorry for me, this is embarrassing’ , frequent critical self hating thoughts raced through your mind. You glanced down at what you were wearing a grimace forming or your lips. You look towards the entrance feeling ready to dart to the exit.

‘You look like an old cougar trying too hard to look sexy, how could you wear that hideous outfit’ , You pulled at the strap of your form fitting, deep green one sleeve tank top with a plunging v line. Your eyes landing at your exposed cleavage. Yes, you felt very exposed and self conscious. You pulled at your cascading locks of hair attempting to hide your shoulders and some of your cleavage.

‘What the hell were you thinking, you're a mom you can’t wear something like this. You're not even sexy anymore’. It was all too much, you just couldn’t silence the bartering words in your head. That's when you decided to turn and walk towards the exit. 

“Hey where are you running off too, I have our drinks”. You stopped at a quarter turn and faced him. A smile on his lips illuminated his face. You were frozen ‘why was he being so kind’, you wondered to yourself, ‘pity’ was all you could hear ringing in your ear. 

“Oh, thank you so much. oh wow, that’s some talent there, holding two drinks in each hand and that’s a lot of amaretto…. hereletmegiveyoumoney”, The words spilled out jumbled in your nervousness. You take two glasses out of his hand, your fingers skimming over his. His skin soft and supple, not rough like yours. 

“No way! I am not letting you pay for drinks tonight. You deserve to have fun and let loose! And not really talent, I was just fortunate to be born with big hands and loooong fingers.” He flashes you his free hand wiggling his fingers. Another unintentional hard swallow and nibble of your bottom lip escaping you as your eyes stayed glued to his waving fingers. Oh yes, you had noticed those hands and long nimble fingers since day two of classes. He was your escape from your life of pain, sorrow and regret. He was a wonderful distraction from deep rooted hopelessness that you masked with laughter and your outgoing personality. You were ashamed to admit you imagined often what those hands and fingers could do to you. 

“Thank you, that's really sweet of you, I’ll get the next round”, you say followed by chasing down your drink quickly as possible.

“Woah, someone is out to have a really good time tonight and I can't wait to see it (grinning) and I said no, I got the hook up with Lacey back there and besides I told you, I’m not letting you pay for any drinks tonight, with or without a hook up”. He cocked his head to the side raising one prominent eyebrow, as in daring you to defy him. His stern look melted away to a smile as you yourself could not help but smile shly in return. You were touched by his kindness but also felt slight embarrassment, the critical voices in your head battle for dominance. You start on your second drink and decide getting tipsy might be a good idea in order to calm your nerves. You were going to need some shots. You glanced towards the bar studying this Lacey, she was beautiful and seemed to be around the same age as him. You did not have one doubt in your mind about his story. You were sure she offered him free drinks for the night in hopes of something in return. You smiled flatley, ‘what I would give to be her right now, I’d give him anything he wanted’ you told yourself letting out sigh. You turn to him but avoid eye contact.

“Free drinks huh? Wow, lucky you and she’s hot. Looks like someone might get lucky…”  You say as you reach out to playful swat his arm, yup, you were definitely feeling more comfortable. You let your hand linger a little too long feeling the firmness of his muscle underneath your touch. He brings his glass to his lips taking a drink, your hands standing still moving with his movement. His eyes peer over his glass making eye contact with you and holding your gaze.

“Na, she’s not my type. And...I have my eyes set on someone else...” His eyes lingering and locked with yours, you felt your face flush under his intense gaze, ‘who could it be, could it be possible, me? ’ He  breaks eye contact and peers over your shoulder as you hear a loud high pitched familiar voice.

“Tae Hyung! I’m so glad you're here!” her squeal was shrill, she shouldered passed you and wrapped her arms around him. You instantly felt your heart sink, ‘what was I thinking? I'm that buzzed already that I would even think he is referring to me, an unattractive cougar with a kid’. You let out a small laugh, laughing at the audacity that you would even rometly think he would even consider you worthy of a drunk fuck. You needed to get away from him. He was just too intoxicating and you were starting to feel the effect of the alcohol yourself. You knew you would embarrass yourself around him the more you drank. You turned on your heels, your eyes resting on the club entrance once again. The voices in your self conscious mind swirling. You take a step forward in hesitation, leaving them standing in a lover's embrace.

‘That’s right, you don’t belong, no one really wants you, not even your husband, look at you, that’s why he did what he did to you.’

‘Fuck, not that’ , you curse yourself. Panic fills your lungs as you freeze feeling loooong fingers wrapping around your wrist. ‘What are you doing, please don’t’, you thought to yourself. 

“Hey, where are you going Y/N, trying to run away on me again?” His fingers still circling your wrist holding you back. You stood still thinking of what to say, his touch was grounding nearly hypnotic. 

‘Run away? That’s what I most certainly should do but you trapp every time with your captivation’

“What? Run away? I don’t think so unless using the bathroom is considered running away and what would I be running from?” You felt a wave of confidence wash over you taken back by your own question. 

“I’m not exactly sure but my gut says you're running from my unrelenting charms”. He follows with another raise of his eyebrow. He was right about his unrelenting charms and needing to get as far from his as possible but a smile formed on your lips. As you turn to face him full on and draw your wrist from his grasp you let out a slight scoff to mask any nervousness you still might be emanating. 

“Unrelenting charms that work on barely legal girls not grown educated confident women such as myself. Thus, I’m not running from you Kim Tae Hyung.” You flashed him a grin. Your eyes searched for Amanda, who stood feet away nearly gawking at the two of you. You were not sure why, but You loved that she seemed flustered by what she saw. 

“Here’s my other empty glass, I’ll be back”. A wide smile spread across his lips lighting up even his eyes. He seemed surprised and pleased with your response, letting out a soft chuck.

“Cheeky and I like it. Are you ready for a few more? Or would you like something different?” Him still grinning at you. 

“Ya I’ll take two more of...oh just surprise me”.

“Tae Hyung, I want two as well of whatever you both are having….” Amanda standing only inches behind him, slipping her arm in the space of his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. Neither you or him had noticed when she had moved so close. You quickly spun around making your way to the bathroom. You did not want to see their interactions any longer. 

‘Keep it together y/n’, you told yourself. ‘Where is the group?’ you wondered as he neared the bathroom. 

**********************************************************************

Chapter 2: Love in the Club

Tae Hyung and Y/N move their two person party from the Club to somewhere else. Enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, smut.

Playlist:

Waist it on me

Mi Gente by J Balvin played

X {equis) by Nicky Jam & J. Balvin

Calma- Pedro Capo & Farruko

Love in the Club- Usher

As you neared the bathroom you saw your good friend Cristine and her boyfriend Jimin along with Tiffany and her boyfriend Yoongi. You also saw Hoesok and NamJoon, who were friends with Yoongi and Jin. Jin a classmate along with you. Then there was Leti and Veronica from class along with them. This was your group. You loved how accepting and supportive they were of you. You also loved how diverse your group was, koroean, black, philipino and latinos.

“Y/N!!!!!!!! I’m so happy you are here I almost thought you weren’t coming!!!” Cristine squeals, taking you into her arms. You smile brightly, this is what you needed and wanted to distract you from your troubles. You greet the rest of the group with hugs.

“Babe what do you and Y/N want to drink…” Jimin turned to you and Cristine.

“I’m good thank you.” You respond.

“I don’t think so girl, we are treating you tonight, drinks are on us. This is a special occasion, you never come clubbing with us!!”. You smiled at the two of them, your heart filled with love. They were such great friends even if they were 6-7 years younger than you.

‘Everyone is so determined to buy my drinks. Fuck it, I’m going to get trashed tonight!’ You made the revelation that you were going to have fun and tell that critical voice in your head to ‘shut the fuck up’. You are determined not to let your anxiety get in the way of having fun, not tonight.

“Ok. I’ll have whatever you're having! Oh wait nevermind. Maybe the next round or something because Tae hyung is at the bar buying me a drink right now”.

“Oh, no big deal. I'm still buying you a drink y/n and I will keep them coming”. You smiled at Jimin.

“Thank you--” you couldn't finish your sentence due to being pulled away by Cristine to the bathroom.

“Ok guys we are using the ladies room and will find you guys by the bar!”. Leti and Veroncia followed behind you and Cristine.

BATHROOM:

“Y/N you look beautiful! That top is sexy, look at that cleavage, girl display them proudly cause you got some nice tits! And those skinny jeans and heels, girl I’d want to take you home If I liked girls!” You blushed slightly.

“Thanks, cristine. I needed to hear that I feel so weird being here and….”

“Shh that will be enough of that! You are here to have fun, get treated right and maybe get laid!”.

“What! Get laid, are you crazy, I only been separated for 2 months and I-I-never been with anyone else…besides Jack--.”

“Besides who? The asshole!!! Fuck him. I don't want to hear about him. I will support you in whatever you decide tonight laid or not. “ You both giggled and Veronica and leti join in.

“Yes that pinche cabron!” Veronica spits out as you laugh with her. [Trans: Fucking Bastard]

“Y que se come verga!” Leti chiming in. [trans: and eat dick.]

“Yes what they said!” Cristine laughs. You couldn't be more happy. As everyone finishes in the restroom and starts walking out, Cristine holds you back.

“Tae Hyung is here huh? And he bought you a drink? That was nice of him…” Cristine comments, raising her eyebrows at you.

“Don’t give me that look Cristine. It was nothing. He bought Amanda a drink too….”

“Uhhh… Amanda? That bitch is so clingy…Y/N… I've been noticing the way Tae looks at you….”

“Stop right there…your crazy…he’s just a really sweet, funny, smart, caring guy….”

“Oh is that all? Just all those amazing traits not to mention he is fine as hell! Next next to Jimin of course---and he seems to….”

“Cristine, let's get out of this bathroom….” Your attempt to end the conversation.

“I’m just saying that I’ve noticed how he looks at you. And whenever you're late to class he always asks me where you are and if you're ok. Even when you're absent, he seems a little down….and why not have a little fun? What’s the harm in….”

“Cristine, I’m like 7 years older than him…and you're making something out of nothing…come on let's go get those drinks….” Your last attempt to change the subject.

“Ok, Ok, let's drink and dance!”

You were relieved to get out of the bathroom with her but your heart was still fluttering replaying her words in your mind.

‘I’m just saying that I’ve noticed how he looks at you. And whenever you're late to class he always asks me where you are and if you're ok. Even when you're absent, he seems a little down….’

You had no idea that he would ask about you. A smile formed on your lips. He really is a nice guy. You made your way back to the bar with Cristine. You saw that the group had found Tae Hyung and Amanda. Amanda, still standing as close as possible to Tae hyung giving the impression they were together, at least from your perspective. Tae was smiling brightly and chatting with the group. His eye caught yours, his lips spreading into an even bigger smile as he lifted both hands into the air displaying 4 shot glasses.

‘He waited, Why is he so perfect, it kills me’, you thought to yourself.

The song blaring in the club was “Waste It On Me”. You loved that song, but definitely needed some shots to feel comfortable dancing. As arrived at the group Tae handed you your shots. Jimin handed Cristine hers and also handed you another shot mix. The group laughed with all the drinks in your hand.

“Woah, someone is getting wasted tonight!”, Nam joon replied, winking at me. Tae raised his shots in the air in your direction as you both took one shot after another. Tae grimaced as you kept a straight face downing your tequila shots. You finished with your green tea shot and handed your glasses to Tae Hyung, turned to face the dance floor just as the song Mi Gente by J Balvin played. You loved this song. You were happy that this was a club that plays all genres of music. The alcohol took on its effects quickly, now you were feeling wild and free as you used to feel all the time.

“Damn, Y/N you can really handle your liquor. Impressive---Tae not so much”. Yoongi comments as the group laughs. You, Cristine, Leti and Veronica start dancing to the song, you weaving your hips in seductive figure eights with your fingers laced into your hair. Ah yes, the sweet sweet drum beats and reggaeton rhythms taking over your body. You were in your element. You alternated between figure eights, body rolls and hip hop moves. You were definitely feeling yourself and losing yourself in the music, the liquor egging you on. You had not turned loose like this in several years. You felt like a wild tiger set free from it’s cage now in its natural element. For the first time in a long time you felt confident and sexy.

POV: 3rd Person for Kim Tae Hyung

He watched her as she moved her body in ways he had only imagined. He knew she had it in her. He had watched and observed her in class, during after class bar meet ups and project meetups. She was smart, funny, kind, thoughtful and outgoing. To him she was beautiful in every way. He was ecstatic to say the least when he saw her at the club. He only came because he had heard she had agreed to come and hoped that he would find her here. He just wanted to be near her as much as possible. She was addictive, his vice, his weakness and what made him mad with want. He wanted to be her shield and protector. He didn’t care that she was older, he didn’t care that she had a kid and he could care less that she technically was still married. It was only a technicality, they were separated now. He was a scumbag who didn’t deserve her as far as he was concerned.

Flashback: POV: Tae Hyung

I heard her cell ring and watched her eyes roll when she saw who it was but she chose to ignore it. The phone kept ringing over and over. She finally stood grabbing her phone and excusing herself from the table.

“I’ll be right back…”

About 10 or so minutes went by, and I just couldn’t wait any longer. I excused myself and told them I needed to get something from my car. I walked out into the parking lot searching for her and that’s when I spotted her in the car her windows cracked. I could hear her crying. I stayed in a spot where she couldn’t see me. I felt wrong for intentionally eavesdropping on her but I was glad I did.

“No! Don’t come here. You can’t do this to me anymore. We are separated. You can't force me to anything anymore! No you can’t just keep her to try and punish me. Jackson, don’t. Ok! Ok! I’m coming.”

I watched as her cries turned to weeping. She wiped her tears, buckled up and left. The following day was the evening to start on our group project. When I arrived at Cristine and Jimins apartment I asked where she was, he motioned that she was with Cristine and that they were having a girl talk.

When she came out of Cristine's room. I saw her rolling down her sleeve quickly but it was too late. I saw the bruises, a trail leading from her wrist up her forearm. Her lip slightly bruised and busted. My heart broke, she didn’t deserve this, she deserved to be loved and adored. And slowly over time I felt myself wanting to be that person to her.

[Flashback ended]-Present Club start / POV: 3rd person for Tae Hyung

He was enjoying watching her dance, she was enticing. He ensured himself to pregame before arriving at the club because he wanted to be disinhibited and free of self conscious restraint. He wanted to be relentlessly charming and flirtatious with her. He wanted to make it known to her that he wanted her. He could only hope that she wanted him too and in order to find out he needed to be restraintless. And when it was all said and done, if she rejected him, none of it mattered because he was also set in making her have the best night of her life no matter what. He wanted to be the reason she had a great time.

He watched as she continued to deliciously roll her body to the music. She was an amazing dancer.

“Damn, Y/N is getting it. It's hard to believe she is married and a mom when I’m seeing her like this.” Nam Joon comments to Jin and Hoesok.

“Actually she is separated…” the words slip out of Tae Hyungs mouth as he winces instantly regretting letting that slip out. That was personal information and was something that she had shared with him. ‘Fucking alcohol is working’ he chided himself.

“I thought she might be single since I overheard Cristine the other day tell her she needed to put herself out there…when I was over at their house and she was there giving us batcha dance lessons. I’m glad you confirmed this Tae Hyung…excuse me…boys…” Hoesok comments as he starts to sway his hips more to the music dancing his way towards Y/N.

You watched as he expertly gilded himself behind her swaying his body matching her rhythm, wrapping one arm around her waist and his other arm mirroring the arm that hand her fingers laced in her hair.

She responded to his touch without looking back. Placing one hand on top of the hand on her waist and resting her head back in the crook of his neck. He was spooning her perfectly, their bodies rocking and grinding together effortlessly. She turned her face slightly as Tae caught her side profile, her face display pure ecstasy. It was driving Tae Hyung mad. He continued glaring at the two of them trying to hide his jealousy. Jimin grabs Cristine taking her out to the dance floor as Nam joon grabs Leti and Jin grabs Veronica. The song switching to another latin jam. (X {equis) Nicky Jam & J. Balvin. ) He watched as Hoseok guided y/n while still dancing to the dance floor. Y/N grinding her ass hard into Hoseok. Amanda grabbing Tae Hyungs hand dragging him to the dance floor, his eyes still glued to Y/N and Hoseok.

Y/N turning her head to the right, catching Tae Hyung's intense gaze on her, her hand stroking the side of Hoseok's face. Tae couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, neglecting Amanda twerking. Her eye’s growing wide at the sight of Tae Hyung. She careens her head towards Hoseok seeming to be taking him in for the first time. Smiling shyly at him and slowing down her dancing.

“Hoseok…I’m sorry I didn’t know who it was…”, Hoseok smiling and still swaying with her.

“Hey baby girl, I don’t know who you thought I was but you can definitely keep doing what you are doing…” a smirk playing on his lips as he pulled her tightly between his legs. She glances at Tae again, Hoseok following her graze. Amanda is still grinding away at him, as he barely responds to her keeping his eyes on Y/N not noticing or caring that Hoseok is watching the interaction taking place. Y/N looks away. The song changes. Hoseok takes Y/N by the hand and guides her to the side of the dance floor and near the bar. Tae Hyung instantly follows, leaving Amanda on the dance floor.

“Hey, are you ready for another drink? I know I am.” Tae asks, grabbing Y/N free hand.

“Hey Tae, I got her…” Hoseok nods to Tae Hyung. Tae Hyung licks his lips in irritation.

“Ok.” Tae responds but follows the pair to the bar leaving Amanda behind.

“What do you want Y/N?”

“I’ll just have what you are having, Hoseok…” She smiles warmly at him and steals a quick glance at Tae hyung who is flirting with Lacy the bartender. Meanwhile Hoseok is still waiting to be attended to.

“Y/N here, 1 amaretto sour and 1 green tea shoot”. He hands her the drinks.

“Thank you…” Hoseok glares at Tae Hyung.

“Hey Tae I told you I got her…”, he says, his voice tense.

“Well, I was the one taking care of her before you even got here and promised to keep them coming right y/n?”. Tae squaring up to Hoseok.

“That’s true and thank you for that…what is up with everyone trying to buy my drinks. Why is everyone just trying to get me drunk? Are you guys planning something?” Laughter spilling from her mouth, she was past buzzed. She took the two drinks from Tae’s hand.

“Here’s to getting drunk and dancing troubles away!” She clanked her drink with Tae’s and chugged it followed by the green tea shot. Hoseok considered the situation and his options. He could see it in Tae’s eyes, he was so obvious that he wanted her but still wasn’t drunk enough to make a move. He also was aware of the way Y/N looked at him on the dance floor. He decided it wasn’t worth a fight tonight and set his eyes on Amanda who was desperate for attention.

“Ok, Y/N Tae’s taking care of you tonight, I respect that, I’ll have to wait till I can have you for myself” he winked at her. Tae puffed up wanting to pounce on Hoseok for his comment but decided to let it go. He ordered two drinks and headed towards Amanda. Tae finished his drinks as well and felt embolden as the songs changed again. Here was his opportunity.

POV: 2nd Person Y/N

You were past the point of buzzed but not yet drunk. You finished your drinks with Tae Hyung still thinking how you were grinding on Hoseok thinking it was Tae Hyung the entire time. Even standing in his presence you couldn’t keep from imaging grinding on him and that's when one of your favorite songs blarred in the club. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

Love in this Club- Usher

He entwined his fingers within yours pulling you gently yet briskly to the dance floor, was he as eager as you? When you reached the dance floor it felt literally as if all other individuals had faded away and it was only you and the lights dimmed a spotlight on the two of you. You turned your hips swiveling into the space between his legs, rolling your ass as hard as possible onto his dick. As soon as you pressed against it you felt it was already hard.

“I want to see you…” he whispered in a sultry sweet warm breath into your ear, spinning you effortlessly around to face him. Positing you perfectly with one leg in between your legs, his thigh pushing up the lips of your aching core. You bit your bottom lip wishing you were wearing a skirt rather than jeans. He placed one hand at the back of your waist pressing your abdomen flat against his and driving his thigh higher into your cunt. You breath hitched as you grinded against him swaying to the rhythm of the music. He tilted your chin up with his free hand.

“Don’t take your eyes away from mine, not even for a second….” You sucked in a cold breath as he pressed his forehead against yours, his lips ghosting yours. Your eyes locked into his deep brown orbs. You couldn’t imagine anything that could break your gaze from him. You were drowning in him. Your shallow breaths swirling with his breath, you were both breathing as one.

“Ok…” was all you could muster in a breathy whisper.

“That’s my girl…” he replies, licking his lips, his tongue skimming just barely over your parted lips. He was on the verge of bringing you to your knees literally. You were nearly so far gone you were ready to unbuckle his pants and suck him off right there on the dance floor in hopes he would take you right then there in the club. Making love in the club like no one else is there just you and he.

“….” you were rendered speechless. You wondered if he could feel how fast your heart was beating. “Fuck it’, you told yourself. You were losing your shit coming undone right before him as he grinding his thigh savagely into your core and making love to you with just his eyes. You were dripping wet, feeling horny was an understatement. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted a man as much as you wanted him right now in this moment. You closed the gap, he must have had the same idea because your lips crashed together at the same time.

He molded and moved his lips against yours softly and gently pushing them open flicking his tongue in, you opened your mouth willingly taking in the length and warmth of his tongue.

It was delicious still with the flavor of sweet amaretto as your tongues swirled together effortly like you were both made for this, for each other's mouths. He cupped the back of your head bringing your mouths even closer together. You let out a moan that reciprocated a shutter from him. He releases his own moan into your mouth breaking the kiss panting but never breaking his gaze from you. It was too much, you look away.

He instant brings your face back towards him, “na uh…I told you not to look away. You’ve disobeyed me and now you must be punished….” you trembled, his pressure increasing on your core, his hand grabbing a handful of your ass and squeezing bringing nearly to your breaking point.

“Tae, please… I-I-can’t, take much more…fuck, I’m going to cum right here…”, You lost yourself in him. The song coming to an end, provides you with some relief so to speak, you felt so edged it was unbearable.

He takes you by the hand pulling off the dance floor not giving you or him an opportunity to speak to anyone. He takes you towards the club entrance and presses you against the wall near the entrance.

“You get to choose, here are you choices--- (planting wet kisses on your neck) , do you want to be punished in the club--- ( sucking your neck) or in my car, because I’m not willing to wait till I get you to my room. And then, i’ll have you again when we get home…. (more sucking and licking at your neck) ” moans escaped your mouth, you were shaking in between his arms, your legs felt like jello.

“I-I--” You couldn’t even speak.

***********************************************************************

CHAPTER 3: BACK SEAT BANGA

Warning: Smut in the club parking alot in an SUV

POV 3rd Person Y/N:

“You get to choose, here are you choices--- (planting wet kisses on your neck) , do you want to be punished in the club--- ( sucking your neck) or in my car, because I’m not willing to wait till I get you to my room. And then, i’ll have you again when we get home…. (more sucking and licking at your neck) ” moans escaped your mouth, you were shaking in between his arms, your legs felt like jello.

“I-I--” You couldn’t even speak. Tae Hyung continues his assault on your neck, your moans uncontainable, your lips in between your legs swollen and wet, throbbing and aching for attention.

‘Fuck, I’ll let you take me right here in the open, I want you so fucking bad’, you told yourself.

“Your having---(kissing up your neck, squeezing your ass) trouble answering---” Before you can answer he engulfed your lips, you willingly allowed him access as he explored every crevice of your mouth. You wanted more, you needed more of him. You grind yourself against his rock hard dick. Your mouth watering as you felt how hard he was the length and girth of it pressing against your swollen drenched lips. He pushed harder into you, you carding your fingers through his soft locks. How dare he tease you like this, here up against the club wall. You reach your nimble hand into his pants reaching past his boxers gripping his throbbing dick. You squeeze and glide your hand up and down milking his precum into your fingertips. You break free from his kiss, jerking his head back with your grip in his hair snatching your other hand away from his juicy leaking dick. His eyes wild and dark never break contact with your lustful gaze as you bring your fingers to your lips spreading his cum on your lips like lip gloss. Nice and slow ending his cumgloss application by inserting your index finger into your mouth licking and sucking off his cum residue. Nice and slow, licking your lips smiling. You were really asking for it and you wanted it and planned on getting it by any means necessary.

“Y/N, that was sexy as fuck. Your begging for me to fuck you right her infront of everyone. That’s what you're gonna get for playing with fire”, his voice thick as honey. His sinful sweet words pulsing through you causing you to clench your dripping core. His lips quickly return to assaulting your neck, leaving deep marks as unconcealable moans slip past your mouth. An orgasm was building and he hadn’t even touched your drenched throbbing swollen lips. He tares away from your neck and ravages your mouth leaving you breathless and squeezing the round flesh of your ass.

Breaking away his lips now at your ear, “now I’m going to fuck you. Right now, I won’t want a minute longer.”

He breaks away, grabbing your hand roughly and dragging you out the front entrance of the club. He led you at a brisk pace nearly a jog to his 4-runner. Opening the back and dragging you in with him. The back row was already down, ready for the two of you. You were thankful his windows were tinted and that he had parked in the far back away from others. You couldn’t wait. You wouldn’t wait. He closed the back and reached over the front seat turning the 4-runner on. Then turning to you and laying you down gently but forcel, sitting up and quickly peeling off his shirt and sliding down his pants and boxers releasing his long thick hard smooth cock. The tip glistened with beaded precum, dripping wet. You lick your lips, your eyes wild with lust you wanted his cock in your mouth and in your aching pussy. You leaned forward, propping yourself on your elbows.

“Please Tae, I need your cock in my mouth right now, please”, a smirk spreading across his lips he leans back allowing you to change positions.

“God, your so perfect y/n, fuck ye--s…do what--ever yo--u wa--nt…”, his words choke in his mouth because you descend on him before he could even finish his sentence. Giving him no time to prepare you fit his entire cock into your mouth, the tip crashing into your larynx, gagging yet sucking him as fiercely as possible. You wanted to make sure to ravage him so much so that your the only thing he can think of anytime he has sex with anyone else or pleasures himself.

You suck salaciously saliva and tears cascading down your cheeks and lips. His moans excites you and urges you on. You can feel up rocking and thrusting up into your mouth and you loved every minute of it.

“Fuck, y/n. You have no idea how long (moans) I’ve---(shuddering) i’ve, (aaahh---hh, chest heaving) wanted you”. His words like music to your ears you moan onto his dick pulling him out with a pop and making love to the tip with your tongue. Switching between gentle licks, swirls and sucking of the tip like he was a frosty straw. He felt a hand entwined into you curlys shudders raking through his body. You love how your work was affecting him.

“Please, y/n, can I come into that pretty mouth of yours. I promise our night is far from over” you bring your eyes to his swirling the tip with your tongue, his eyes entranced watching your every movement like a predator waiting for the right moment. His chest heaving up and down, breathes ragged. You open your mouth as wide as possible taking his cock in as far as you can, your nose skimming the flesh at the base of his cock, inhaling his sweet musky scent, your eyes never leaving his. You could feel the flex and twitching of his cock in your mouth. Your free hand encasing his balls. You wait, encouraging him with his eyes and moaning loudly into his cock as your other reaches for his nipple flicking gently within your fingertips. He wasted no time at your silent invitation and responded instantly gripping your curls more tightly. You began sucking harshly as soon as he comenses his brutle fucking of your mouth. Your pussy twitching, convulsing and clenching with his moans and the force as which he was forcing his dick into your mouth, crashing your mouth to his dick with desperation. Your body was shuttering and you felt as any moment you were going to have the orgasm of a lifetime, squirting out onto the back seat.

Your open taking in every facial expression as he went back and forth between watching you take in his dick and letting his head drop back eyes rolling in his head from the intense pleasure.

“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck….ahhh, I’m gonna cu--m….fuck, I can’t hold back anymore…fuck, I’m going to fuck your pussy up after this….” You gasp as he crashes into you violently, never letting go of your head, thrusting into your mouth as he smashes your mouth into his dick over and over again. Your gags, moans music to his ears, your tears of pleasure streaming down your cheeks as his load blows into your mouth. You hollow your cheeks sucking the life out of him, leaving him panting trying to catch his breath. A violent tremble shoots through you as felt a satisfying eruption of your own in between your legs, “fuck…(gasping)”.

“Are you ok…” He asks, still trying to catch his breath, his pupils blown and hazy with a fucked outlook.

“Looks like I blew my own load…” You purr still hungry for his cock opening your legs, your pants already unbuttoned and unzipped revealing your lacey satin panties and a very very wet and drenched crotch. Keeping eye contact you reach into your panties with your free hand slowly inching your fingers down and gently slipping them into your wet, dripping swollen pussy. His tongue slowly licking across his bottom lip followed by raking his teeth across sucking in a lustful breath watch eagerly and tentatively your even move. You slowly move two fingers in and out to ensure that he watched and heard every sound of your pussy squelching as your fingers disappeared and reappeared. You wanted him to hear how wet and how much you cam inside just by the sound of it. You knew he was affected as he continued to lick his lips, his body and face leaning in wild hunger in his eyes. You were his cornered prey and there was not stopping him until he devoured you whole. You stuck a third finger in your pussy scooping up the cum from your orgasm.

“This is all just from you fucking my mouth…are you going to finish me?” You purr as you lean forward with your cum still cupped and gathered in your fingers, his mouth flopping open reflexively and in response to your gesture. He leans forward wantonly and takes in your cum filled fingers in his mouth slurping up every last drop of you as you moan pleasuring yourself with your free hand.

“Fuck, Y/n your going to be the death of….fuck….I can’t wait” You giggle as he pushes you back draping down your pants and panties and instantly making connection with your warm pussy. He, burying his entire mouth and nose into your warmth breathing you in before shoving his tongue deep between your lips. Your legs nearly snapping shut around his head but his cat like reflexes pinning them open as he devoured your cunt. Switching between soft licks, hard licks, deep sucking and flicking of your clit. You were shuttering and trembling non-stop and uncontrollably. Moans spilling from your throat, guttural moans, moans of his sweet name.

“Tae Hyung,,,,oh shit, I’m going to cum….” he inserts two fingers as he sucks on your clit pulsing in and out with intense force his free hand twisting your erect nipple in between his fingers underneath your shirt.

“Fuck! Cum in my mouth please baby….please….I need you too…”, with that a gut wrenching moans and grunts escape your mouth as your squirt into his mouth effortlessly. You couldn’t help but reveal in his pleasure and the sound of him begging and calling you baby. He laps up your juices and leans over you crashing his lips into as your tongues dance. He breaks away as you both catch your breath panting. You lay back still overcome with pleasure your mind replay what just happened moments before. You weren’t done and wanted more, you mind still hazy from the alcohol in your system and the sexual high you were experiencing. You watch as he puts his shirt back on and fixes his clothes, his attention now on his cell. You wondered what he was doing, you certainly did not want this to be over.

“What are you doing….”

“Getting us an uber, I told you our night was far from over, we are just getting started…” I smirk across that sinful mouth of his, the glow from the cell phone enhancing his dangerously wicked lustful ethereal features.

“I want to experience every part of you…”

**********************************************************************

NOTE:

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! I'll do a Chapter 4 at some point. :)

[astaroth1357]

Hi there, congrats for the 1500 subs. How about the bros reaction to an MC who's an empath?

Brothers with an MC Who is an Empath

This should not have been as hard as it was but maaan, my brain just wasn’t working. Finally got it done though!

Intro:

An Empath is essentially someone who is highly sensitive to outside stimuli like sounds, personalities, energies, emotions, or just hectic/chaotic environments. They tend to absorb the emotions of others into themselves because of this. Though their sensitivity can grant deeper understanding for others, it comes at the price of the Empath’s own emotional and physical health if not given enough time to decompress which can lead to feeling drained, irritable, depressed, or overwhelmed.

Lucifer

Oh boy, if there was ever any demon not in tune to his own emotions…

He started out legitimately not knowing what an "empath" was and frankly he didn't care to know. His main concern was just keeping the MC alive.

Though that didn't seem to be too hard because they apparently get tired quickly… or at least they had to take extended periods away from most of his brothers.

He wasn't sure why, he first assumed it was because they found his brothers annoying but that didn't seem to be the case either...

He'd see them grinning with Mammon after a jackpot, relaxing with Satan in silence, and even crying with Levi over things so niche and pointless he couldn’t imagine that they actually cared...

It wasn’t too long until they set their sights on him. 

They always seemed to know when he was stressed or when he needed to talk to someone. He'd even be embarrassed to admit there were days when he’d just hover somewhat close to them, face more or less slathered with "I really need to talk right now" but too proud to make the first move.

After some time, he decided to look up what an empath was again and it all clicked into place. They probably knew when he was tired because they could just sense it off of him.

And who knows how exhausting that must be for them...

After that little revelation he actually started paying more attention to his own health to keep it from spilling over to them, but he would still go to them to talk from time to time. He honestly never expected a human to become his closest confidant.

Mammon

Mammon has BIG energy. He’s one of those personalities that just brightens a room he walks in but damn… if he’s not a little exhausting to be around sometimes…

Truthfully, he was kind of into their whole “I know how you feel so you don’t have to say it” vibe though it was really confusing to start with...

On the one hand, they never made fun of him for his sensitive side. Not once. And they seemed pick up on the days where he wasn't feeling his best as well, which only made him happy and want spend more time with them.

But on the other hand, he'd be lying if he said that their need to recharge away from him didn't catch him off guard a lot... Hell, for the first few weeks of getting to know the MC he thought they didn't like him at all!

It took the MC sitting him down and explaining to him that they're more sensitive to things like lights, sounds, and emotions for him to kind of get the picture. It wasn’t that they didn’t like him, they just needed to be somewhere calm.

Cue a lot of “Okay human, I’ll be calm. Promise! Ya won’t even now I’m here!” in a well meaning, but pretty loud voice and not getting much better from there, bless his heart...

Even after he eventually gets the picture and stops hanging off of their leg, it does bum him out to be separated for however long it takes for them to get better (at worst, it can be days).

But he really gets excited like a puppy whenever they finally come back again! Big grins and lots of hugs (good luck peeling him off now).

Levi

Levi is... best taken in short bursts.

Though his personality isn’t big like Mammon’s, he does have a lot of lingering negativity around him. Not exactly his fault, being Envy and all, but not great for someone who’s sensitive to emotions.

In truth, Levi genuinely loves being around the MC because they “get” him even if they don’t get what’s happening.

While his brothers may roll their eyes or struggle to understand how he can put so much emotional investment into an anime or a character, the MC would always seem to feel and respect that his emotions were genuine and let him experience them without question.

… But at the same time, that sensitivity meant that they got carried in with him through his every emotion, good, bad, or somewhat erratic depending on the situation… 

Add to that his higher than usual need for validation, investment, and feedback due to his insecurity and unfortunately he’s easily the most emotionally draining person in the House...

It took some time to explain to Levi what an empath was and that their desired space wasn’t because there was something wrong with him or anything, they just needed breaks. Thankfully, being an introvert himself meant that Levi understood this a lot quicker than Mammon.

In truth, being with Levi could be fun and rewarding for both parties. During his high points, his happiness truly does shine like no other, just… don’t overdo it.

Satan

In the beginning, Satan was honestly pretty impressed how quickly the exchange student saw through his fake smiles. They’d know that there was no actual joy behind them and thus avoided him for the most part.

This was before they formed their pact so he was perfectly fine with that. Let them hide, that’s the smart idea.

But after getting to know them and going through the body-switch, he started to see that it was deeper than just some good intuition on their part. Something about them… reflected the people around them...

They appeared to be acutely aware of the emotion in a given person or a given room and reacted like they were soaking in the atmosphere they found themselves in. Taking it into themselves…

It truly confused him.

Satan is the picture of emotional control, it’s been taught to him again and again to always keep a good handle on himself because things go flying when he doesn’t. The idea of being so open to others just didn’t make much sense to him… 

Why would anyone want to live so dependent on the emotions of others? It sounded chaotic just to hear about it...

But after he opened up to them about his own inner doubts he started to think it wasn’t such a bad thing. They appeared to be equipped to help him navigate his own emotions, especially the new ones he didn’t have the best grasp on yet.

He later did his own research into human emotions, discovered empaths, and that put it all into perspective. Like Lucifer, he did his best not to overwhelm them after that but there was little worry about that anyway. Satan is, again, emotional control at its finest.

Asmodeus

Oh, Asmo picked up on their human’s little quirk relatively quickly compared to his brothers. Being emotionally observant is just part of what makes him so good at what he does.

Honestly, he enjoyed just watching them from afar… Watching the way their eyes lit up when talking to a cheerful Simeon or how huffy and frustrated they’d get along with Mammon when things weren’t going his way. It was cute to him, like a child playing “Pretend.”

Eventually, though, he started to notice that it went a lot deeper than mere imitation...

One day, Levi came home distraught about the tragic death of some voice actor he fancied and the MC was right along with him, crying as if that loss was theirs...

On another, Satan had spent the whole day silently fuming and the MC was a complete wreck, tense and on-edge for no other reason than the feeling of aggression in the air…

And crowds… crowded rooms seemed to be the death of them. So much noise and constant input, they’d have to leave so quickly…

Asmo saw all these things himself, without having to be told, and he became a refuge for them when things became too much. He has a big personality himself, but he could tone it down for a time and offer them a place away for a while.

If school, parties, or the brothers themselves just became too much, the MC could always go to Asmo’s room to vent like they let everybody else to with them. He’d keep the place quiet and calm and just help them sort things out...

Thank their father for Asmo’s observance.

Beelzebub

Legit the calmest, sweetest, nicest person to be around. Truly the best companion for an empathic MC to have.

Beel’s personality is positive, sweet, and (most importantly) stable. He’s not too bombastic nor too withdrawn, he’s not riddled with hidden stress or self-loathing, and he’s not even manipulative in any way, he’s just… Beel.

Am I saying that Beel is the MC’s emotional support demon? Yes. Yes I am.

Being around Beel is like hooking them up to a walking battery recharging station. Something about him just exudes warmth and comfort… They could be wrapped up in his arms for days and never say a word yet still be perfectly content...

Beel doesn't really mind them coming to him when distressed either because he likes being able to help them when they’re feeling drained. It makes him feel kind of special, they don’t seem to go to anyone else in quite the same way.

Usually, one of his brothers will be in a bad mood and the human will flock to Beel like a protective barrier. They'll hug him or trail along behind him like a lost puppy, which he thinks is very cute.

If they’re feeling really out of it, he’d carry them around on his back while they rest like he does for Belphie sometimes. Any time his brothers try to get too close to them or look like they’re going to bother them, he’ll just carry them away to some place quieter.

Though, the MC did pick up the deep sadness he felt for Lilith and Belphie (while he was gone) from time to time.... Which, considering how kind and comforting he usually is, just makes that dip in mood all the more painful and distressing for them. Poor baby… 

Belphegor

Belphie is another calm personality to have around, kind of similar to Beel, but since he's more prone to sadness and irritability he doesn't make the best companion…

If Beel is comfort, then Belphie is repose. Relaxed and peaceful, but also languid and sluggish… When Beel isn't around, then he makes a decent second, but only on good days.

Belphie has a mixed opinion on their uncanny ability to pick up on his feelings… He tries his best to be “mysterious” so having someone who can read him like a book gets under his skin just a little…

But he also really likes how much it helps them get to know him and understand where he’s coming from (being the youngest, he isn’t as used to being heard by anybody other than Beel). So, he’s very conflicted…

It didn’t help at all when it came to light that the MC could legitimately tell that he felt very hostile and angry towards them while he was still in the attic. When he asked why they helped him anyway, they told him so that they could make Beel happy again, regardless of how he felt about them which... ouch...

As if he could feel any worse about that particular incident… They could feel how guilty he was about that… right?

Even if they can’t he makes sure that they know that he’s sorry and he won’t do it again. Probably the lil’shit.

[athenafortescue]

Things to be Aware of if You Know Someone with c-PTSD (complex PTSD)

Writing this because when I was 22-23, I thought I understood the kids I was working with with mental health things. Now I'm 27, and I know I didn't. Not saying those ages specifically mean anything, I just mean that living with it myself changed my outlook. I'll use myself as an example.

Complex PTSD is PTSD, but originates with repeated trauma over a period of time, instead of one event. That trauma breaks down the mental psyche over time, so you're left with the normal symptoms of PTSD, along with changes in your sense of self, your outlook on life, etc.

--Their triggers may not make sense to you. Example: My trauma was repeated rejection from those I loved, from my parents to the men I fell in love with. So now ANY rejection can cause days of pain and grief. Rejection takes all forms--abandonment, emotional neglect, being left out, not being accepted, someone else being accepted when you're not, feeling like your opinions and feelings don't matter, etc. It can get tiring on those around me when I react strongly to something they think isn't a big deal, but it's a big deal to me, and I'm trying so hard to not be a burden.

-- They need clear communication. They need very clear, very honest, and very specific boundaries and reassurances. Example: I can't understand hints, random silences, actions that mean something to someone else, etc. I need to be told if I'm crossing boundaries, because unless I've been told where they are, I'll have no idea.

--Many people with c-PTSD feel worthless and have so sense of self-worth or self-confidence. They feel ashamed or guilty. Example: I've had several people very close to me, who had helped me through hard times and who I had been there for, and suddenly, they left without explaining why. It was almost like a whiplash effect, my brain feels scrambled and confused, and now I have a hard time believing that I'm worth anything or that it wasn't all my fault, because over and over again, people's actions have proven otherwise.

--They have a hard time trusting people. Example: see above

--They are likely struggling with depression, insomnia, emotional flashbacks, and other symptoms commonly associated with PTSD. Example: I'm on medication for depression, I usually have some over-the-counter sleep aids on hand in case I need them, sometimes I can't leave my apartment, and there are times when grief, sorrow, pain, and anger completely take over, and I can't function.

--They struggle with fear of their trauma repeating itself. Example: I'm absolutely terrified of offending and losing people. I'm constantly over-explaining, repeating myself, checking with friends/family to make sure they're okay with me, and getting people's opinions on me and the choices I make.

--Their worldview may have drastically changed. Example: I build my life around my faith and the people in my life. When people I had trusted so much and had been vulnerable with (even though they didn't understand how they were hurting me) rejected me by abandoning me or making me feel like I wasn't worth their time/effort, etc, it felt like the floor gave way under my feet. Repeatedly. It felt like left was right, up was down, and red was blue. I started questioning what was basic right and wrong and if I even had a right to feel what I felt.

--They struggle with relationships. All relationships--friendships, romantic, family, etc. From what I've been told and taught (and I am not a professional, I'm just someone with it trying to explain how it feels), most c-PTSD involves trauma involved with another person. Abuse (all kinds), human trafficking, emotional neglect, etc. So, they have lost the ability to feel safe with other people and are struggling to get that back.

--Their brain can't turn off and won't stop processing it. It is exhausting and overwhelming. Even when I sleep, my brain is processing things, so I might wake up grieving, in pain, or afraid, and I don't know why. I have to have constant distraction, like TV shows, books, problems, things to do, to simply function. I never get a break, I just have good days when the processing stays in the back of my mind, and I can work on professional and hobby things.

Obviously, not everyone with c-PTSD feels all of these, and some might feel more symptoms. But this is what I feel, and I know those around me struggle to understand. I'm hoping this helps others get a glimpse of what we're feeling, so they're better able to help. People with c-PTSD need patience, reassurance, and empathy from those around them.

We're trying, we really are. We don't want to be stuck, and we're not content to be miserable.

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Okay I had to do some stuff, but here I am rambling about relationship between Killer and Nightmare in Colours of LOVE.

Some of this I might mention before some of it might be your and Jann or Yuri ideas... Anyway!! The way I see that:

Even though this is soulmate au Nightmare and Killer aren't perfect fit for eachother. They are perfect fit in threesome - Ccino softens rough edges of both of them, and changes their attention from being mad on eachother to carrying about Ccino together (especially at first when he is really depressed). But before that... It was hard.

Killer is really open about everything he thinks and feels. If he founds someone who is attractive he will flirt. Even when he is already dating Nightmare. And also he always shows his affection to Nightmare everywhere, in public too. That's cute and sweet, but Nightmare is really closed person so that makes him really uncomfortable. Night often got jealous with Killer flirting with anyone else, got embarrassed with his kisses and all on public, and in general is a bit annoyed with Killer's actions. Killer on the other hand doesn't really understand why Nightmare is so "tensed" (he is not, Night is just much more calm, but Killer don't get it).

They were braking up and coming back again a few times, because they had argued a lot about everything and got tired of this. Right now they are on their "best days" - they started to date again a few weeks ago and right now they are through some stuff, they understand eachother better, and pretty chill about eachother weird actions. Like in the second page Night is a bit flustered by Killer's kiss but he almost used to that. Same as he is worried about being late, since Killer is almost always late, but he is more or less fine by that. On next page (which you haven't seen yet), there are an interesting dialog between them, and I will definitely write some of "subtext" about it when I will post it.

Actually if they haven't met Ccino they would break up again after a few months. And maybe come back again after a week.

Also! Interesting thing about third soulmate: at the beginning of the comic (before Nigh met Ccino) Killer is 100% sure that they have third soulmate, but Nightmare is sure for about 60%. Killer is existed about that, he knew knew that he is polyamorious for a long time, but Nightmare hesitates a lot, because he can't really imagine himself in polyam relationship. It feels weird and also he is soooooo jealous about Killer paying any attention to anyone except him, that he worries to become "third wheel". Will it be different with Ccino?? Who knows (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Hi kotikaleo!!! This was super fun to read.

Firstly I'm going to tag @zu-is-here since she started the studio verse

It's definitely an interesting insight to your comic and the characters!

It reminds me a lot of an early version of my own ideas about the studio verse nightkiller relationship! And I can definitely see the way we have bounced headcannons of each other paying off.

Them still dealing with a softer kind of lovehate dynamic is an interesting one. It doesn't seem to be as extreme as my version, but it's interesting that it's still there.

The fact that they are meant to work as a 3 makes sense as well. If they are supposed to be bounded as a 3 it makes sense that three they their relationship would be unstable. They don't work as a two, but they are soul mates and something would always pull the two of them together.

I'm also curious, since Nightmare isn't 100% sure that the lack of colour is due to them being soul mated to another person. I wonder if he ever felt like the universe got it wrong? And that he'd been mated to the wrong person? Or perhaps he felt it meant that him and Killer don't have soul mates and that's why they have some connections.

It sad boy.

Also if Killer knows he's poly by nature, is that something that causes disagreements with the 2 of them?

And now for mine and @jann-the-bean version.

This story has been something that we mostly developed in tumbler DMs but both me and Jan wrote a story about it. Jan wrote

KillerNight(s)

And I'm writing

Round and round till we all fall down

Nightmare and Killer's relationship started off baddddd, it basically started as a mutual dislike for one another. This is due to their conflicting personalities and morals.

Nightmare was originally quite excited to meet Killer, as he'd heard a lot about the actor. But almost straight away he found Killer to be rude, childish and irritating. Killer found Nightmare to be stuck up, snobbish and entitled.

The two first met at an awards ceremony and got into a yelling match after a few drinks and were separated. From there their dislike for one another was made quite well known to the public because of a social media battle back and forth.

This only went on for a few months however, as the characters of 'Killer' and 'Nightmare' were cast to play together.

Nightmare and Killer agreed to be civil in order to function while working and get the filming completed as soon as possible.

As they worked together, their dislike turned into a playful banter and respect for one another. And then something else shifted.

Now Killer has a reputation for being a player and one who likes to sleep around, as you said, he's open about his interest in people when he has it and enjoys casually flirting with just about anyone.

Which came to include Nightmare.

Nightmare paid no mind to it really, though he couldn't understand why it embarrassed him so much.

Killer comes to find Nightmare to be very attractive and enjoys his reactions when teased, he rights him off though because he was under the impression that Nightmare was straight, and he'd never try to change that.

It was a day when they were talking about Killer's eyes and how it's caused him to struggle, that Nightmare tells him that he thinks his eyes are very pretty and that they are an attractive quality, and something in Killer breaks and he kisses him.

So Killer feels like he messed up and the two avoid each other. But it causes Nightmare to start questioning things about himself.

Nightmare at this point had only every dated women. He assumed that he was straight. But after that kiss a lot of buried feelings are dragged to the surface and exposed, and he realises that he's also attracted to men.

So Jan goes into full details about this, in the fic Killernights, but basically Nightmare confronts Killer about the kiss and Killer tells him he 'has a thing for him'

The two go back to Killer's flat to talk, but their normal banter, leads to flirting and then another kiss. And Nightmare who is curious and suddenly craving new sensations becomes lost to him. Killer who finds Nightmare physically very attractive, also gets wrapped up and the two of them sleep together.

Nowwww this is getting long so I'll try to shorten it down a bit.

Basically, it's an amazing night. It's passionate, enjoyable and a lot of fun for both of them. Upon finding out Night has never been with a man, Killer guides him carefully though the process.

After that night the two can't stop thinking about each other, even though they both planned for it to be a one time thing. Again, they avoided each other until talking after a while.

And killer admits his desires for the other, and offers Nightmare a safe environment to experiment with his sexuality, where he won't be judged.

To cut a long story short, this spirals into a passionate and carnal, on and off booty call/fling with each other that spans for years.

Other that time they grow very close with each other, and come to recognise the similarities that they share, and have soft moments of just enjoying being together with one another.

For Killer, Nightmare is the first person to ever tell him he had beautiful eyes and mean it. The first person who wasn't at all put off by them.

To Nightmare, it feels like Killer is the one person that will never pick Dream over him. And he makes him feel wanted and desirable in a way few have before.

However, their are still parts of their relationship that conflict. Of course a healthy relationship will always have some conflicts. But for Killer and Nightmare the conflicts clash and fight with each other.

That along with both of their past traumas, (I wrote about Killer's back story here) means they find it difficult to talk about genuine feelings and what's bothering them. Causing things to bottle up and blow up over time.

They also find it impossible to admit that they actually love each other deeply.

They tried to be in a full on committed relationship once, (which I'm writing about in Round and Round) but it didn't work out for these issues. As well as the fact that Killer is poly by nature, and therefore gets anxious and uncomfortable in a relationship with one person only. Which he won't talk to Night about for the reasons stated above.

Enter Ccino.

Now Ccino is the missing piece for Nightmare and Killer.

He's soft and gentle spoken, which easily helps them calm down when things get heated between them. He also provides a safe and loving space to open up about what things are bothering them.

Nightmare and Killer's also, as you said, spend more energy caring for and sometimes worrying about Ccino, so they have less energy for the constant fighting.

Ccino was the missing piece. He's the person who will cuddle and read books with nightmare, but also the one who's super into affection, which Killer loveesss.

A relationship would never work between just killer and Ccino, since Ccino wouldn't be able to keep up with Killer's libido and killer doesn't know much about Ccino's mental health. And Ccino wouldn't work in a relationship with just Nightmare because Night's colder and more straight forward personality would leave him affection staved after a while.

They just work together! They are basically soul mates in this universe as well!

P. S Nightmare in this universe was also very veryyyyy jealous when Killer showed interest in Ccino. Which is something he took out on Ccino till Killer stopped it. After falling in love with Marshmallow he regrets this a lot.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MORE. COLOURS OF LOVEEEEE

[beargirl20]

2022 Goals and Progress Thus Far

I have officially hopped on the trend of trying to be “that girl”. In fact, by the time I found out what “that girl” is, I feel like I have somewhat succeeded at becoming her already. At least a part of me has, but fixing my life is a work in progress. Last year, I had no goals other than achieving straight A’s. And ruthlessly pursuing a boy who didn’t care about me in the hopes that I could settle down and never have to be with another boy again. We live and we learn. As one can imagine, that twisted courtship resulted in the tears and heartbreak of yours truly. 

This year, I have decided to turn over a new leaf, building on the academic progress of that I made last year. My goal is to live an overall more balanced life, but that balance must be excellent, considering my excellent grades last year. I have set high but achievable tasks for myself in the coming months, some of them which are going very well at this particular moment. 

1. Physical Activity  

This is the goal that is probably going the best out of all of ones I have set. I have not missed a workout unless I had a rest day. I feel great, my body looks great, and it truly does ease the mind. I have gotten my mile time down to a comfortable 10 minutes, which may not sound so impressive to others but as a lifelong swimmer I despised running. Now I find it to be a rather soothing activity. Funnily enough, I got the idea to start running while I was reading the book You by Caroline Kepnes. Which, by the way, is far better than the show, but I wouldn’t recommend for those who are squeamish or those with anxiety. I’ll probably discuss it in a future post, but I ended up giving it up after being 3/4 through. Anyways, although I am not one to keep track of my workouts, I have run at least a mile almost every day of the month. It’s really crazy how quickly the human body adjusts to workouts, because the first day had me unable to walk down stairs. Now I don’t even get tired. On my rest days, I usually do some sort of yoga or a light Tracy Anderson workout. Helps ease my constant state of anxiety. 

2. Saving Money

I don’t want to go too far into this one, because I don’t want to use this space to discuss finances. But so far so good. I made a spreadsheet to track all of my “unnecessary” purchases, mostly meaning clothes. You see, I probably spent upwards of 3000$ on clothing last year. I won’t count because the number is too depressing, so that is just an estimate. Other than the sheer amount of money spent, the real bad part about that was 1) We are in a pandemic. I have nowhere to go. 2) Half the clothes I don’t even like or feel good in. My point is that I have a real shopping problem. This I will talk more about later. I have set a 200$ monthly spending limit for myself, which I am still below for the month. This 200$ limit is for all purchases, not just clothing. For someone who lives with their parents, this is certainly achievable. 

3. Get Control of Mental Health

The actual name I gave this goal in my manifestation journal is “be emotionally stable and happy”. Well, I am not emotionally stable nor happy. Yet. I am not cripplingly depressed either, so I guess that’s a plus! I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow *applause from the audience* and I have only had one anxiety spiral this year so far. I’d say things are going alright. Better than they have in the past. Positively, I know that things are going to be alright. I have still been struggling with intrusive thoughts and a boiling cauldron of anger and despair in my stomach, but I’ve come to thank that cauldron and to use my rage as motivation to complete goals like these. Moving on. 

4. To Make Two Friends

Okay, you got me. This goal is not going well at all *chuckles in self-loathing*. I have not made any friends nor have I tried to make any friends. But who can blame me, especially during a pandemic year? I am a judgmental 20 year old girl attending community college while living at home with parents. I like to think that none of the people my age that are still around this area are even worth being friends with. Ok, ok. I know that’s not accurate. Truthfully, I burned all of my bridges long ago. I could blame it on others or shoulder the responsibility entirely to myself, but the fact remains the same: a lot of people don’t like me very much. And don’t get me wrong, in the grand scheme of things, this “lot” of people really is a “little” of people when comparing them to the billions of people in this world. A little of people in the East Bay Area are not fans of me. I have come to accept the unlikability of my demeanor as something entirely out of my control. Nevertheless, I have made many mistakes and I have hurt many people. But so be it, the past is in the past. I do my best to be a better version of myself in the future, and to learn from my mistakes. I am saving the bulk of this goal for when I transfer to UC Davis. 

5. To Nurture Existing Relationships

I’m not sure how well this one is going. As you can see, I struggle with maintaining friendships, and I mess up. A lot. This part of the post I will focus on someone who I care deeply about, someone who means a lot to me. I will hope and pray that he doesn’t read this, because confessing my feelings for or about someone is a vulnerable position to put myself in, especially since I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure about these feelings myself, because they seem to come and go over the years due to the lack of possibility for an actual relationship to ever come of them. I also wouldn’t want to embarrass him at all, although I would hope that he wouldn’t feel that way. 

A few weeks ago, I had multiple major f-ups with this person. I said some insensitive things without realizing that he cared about my opinion. Really, the things I said came from a place of hurt, not because of anything he had done, but because of things that had been done to me in the past by others. I didn’t swear or call him names, but in his words, I questioned how much he had to offer as a person. And when I tell you how much that sentence affected me, I mean I almost cried. I felt absolutely devastated that I could have possibly implied that I felt that way about him. Someone that I feel so lucky to have in my life, someone who I have taken for granted time and time again, someone who holds a very, very special place in my heart. I could barely process that my words could have such an effect on him. I had no idea that my opinion actually mattered.

This is what my anxiety spiral was about. For a week, he didn’t tell me that he was angry with me. Not until I asked. I noticed that something was up, but it took me that long to really realize. Once we talked about it I guess we were good, but I continued to not feel good. The problem was, for the first time in all of our years of friendship, our trust had been broken. And oh boy, is repairing trust difficult. Although he didn’t outright lie to me, he didn’t tell me the truth, either. Now, how am I supposed to know when he is mad at me or not? I start questioning if he actually wants to be my friend, if he is annoyed by me, or if he secretly hates me. I start obsessing over the words I say, how often I call or text him, and if I am texting him too much. I become scared of telling him how I feel, and not wanting him to know about my obsessive nature. I’m scared that he knows how much I think about him and how much I care about him. Things I never worried about before are suddenly at the forefront of my thoughts. 

I worry that he isn’t texting or calling as much as he did before, and that I messed up everything. So yeah, the friendship nurturing isn’t going very well. 

6. Be Free of Addictions 

I have not touched nicotine for twenty days, nor do I plan to ever again. I haven’t smoked pot in a couple of days, but this one I am less worried about than the nicotine. This is where I want to touch on the shopping problem a little bit more. I feel like the shopping is a result of this external need for validation that I crave. It certainly roots from self-esteem issues that I experienced during much of my childhood and teen years. Of course I still struggle with these issues, otherwise I wouldn’t have such a want for clothing, even during a time where I seldom go out. 

7. Limit Phone Time 

I’m no longer in double digit screen-time, so that’s something. Yeah, still working on this one. 

8. Maintain Straight A’s

I don’t start school until next week, but truthfully this isn’t a goal I am particularly worried about struggling with. After my eighteen unit workload last semester, the light thirteen that I have coming up shouldn’t be a problem at all. I plan on completing all of my work on time and with ease and ending my last semester at community college strong.

9. Maintain Healthy Diet

This is another that I am seeking to maintain as opposed to change, but there is always room for improvement. I’m going to try and make this quick because I am getting a little burnt out from writing this decently long post. I can proudly say that I haven’t touched fast food for at least six months. I have hot meals three times a day with vegetables included in two. I am going to add an additional salad course to my lunchtime smoothie and pasta, as well as finding a healthier alternative to the sauce that I currently use. Although my mom usually cooks dinner, I have been actively trying to cook with her since I will be on my own next year. I am switching to whole wheat bread and am trying to find foods that may trigger acne breakouts. 

10. Maintain Clean Room

I figured I deserve to have at least one shoo-in. I am very proactive in terms of cleanliness. I make my bed every morning and I usually am on top of my laundry. One thing I will work on is keeping my desk organized, and I still need to move some stuff from my old room to my new room. I also need a better place for my gym bag, which I will do this weekend.