#Attempted suicide

[neshatriumphs]

Aight. Short lil' sweet, sad, whatever update and shit. Trigger warnings for mental illness fuckery and pills, etc.

The other day, for the first time since 2008 or so, your favorite bitch tried to self terminate. I don't wanna get too graphic but many pills and several pillows were used until I was placed in restraints by somebody hopped up on drugs.

I cried a lot, got sick, flooded with exhaustion and anxiety, went to work, and came home to the openings of a manic phase.

I am in said manic phase this moment. I have been doing housework for over 12 hours and rest nor sleep are on the horizon. I have had some tough conversations, but cannot contact some people, because they will try to send me to a facility.

Also. My rent was almost failed because of my roommate. I am not interested in ending my life, though I am still interested in my life ending.

I simply needed to get it off of my chest. I've been suffering in silence for months, but the past few days were the hardest it's been in years.

If you're still reading, I am both sorry and appreciative.

[whumpetywhump]

Begins ≠ Youth - Ep. 9 & 10

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

Keeping It Close To The Chest Pt. 3

TW/CW: Medical Trauma/ torture, medical experimentation, ptsd and flashback type stuff, vivisection wound, Brief suicide attempt with a blade, (If you wanna skip that part it's bordered by '~~'), child abuse, emotional distress, more Danny whump, hurt/comfort- just a lil comfort at the end lol

As always if I missed a tag please let me know! I want anyone who wants to read my writing be informed so they can make the best decisions for themselves. Be kind to yourselves and be safe.

Hey! Here's part three! I'm considering posting this to Ao3! If I do I'll probably edit each part a bit. I hope you all enjoy my humble offering! I'll let ya all know if I do! If you missed them, Part one Part Two

Much love to you all

~Ren

Danny didn't recognize where he woke up. He could smell antiseptic in the air in combination with the white walls and sheets made him uneasy. Last time he could bare to look they hadn't bothered to clean up his splattered ectoplasm, all the white was abnormal. Bandages, sheets, walls, floor, ceiling they all looked eerily familiar. He could still feel their hands digging inside him. Panic thrummed through his core- the lab, they have him back in the lab-he wrenches at the restraints the scientists had put on him, only for them to be missing.

With no resistance his body crashes to the ground next to the bed he was on with his legs twisted into the sheets. Danny flails his legs to free himself. The deep ache of his wounds pulls him forcefully from the swirling green noxious clouds that fill his head. His parents had never left him without something holding him exactly as they left him. Ready and waiting for their next experiment. His core sinks somewhere around his guts from the thought. Unrestrained. They left him unrestrained; he looks at his bare arms in reluctant wonder.

The knowledge doesn't soothe him at all, they'd return soon. One look at him would make it obvious to them that he was in no shape to run again. Run he has to run. Anxiety and uncertainty made his powers spike and the lights blow above him. The temperature drops around him and he settles for a moment. At least he had access to his powers even if he feels like he'd have to use far much more energy than normal to use even his invisibility.

His par- Maddie and Jack had made the table out of antighost material that kept him from phasing out of the straps, but it was the dried blood blossoms in the vents that had weakened him, his powers slipped through his fingers, out of reach until the hail Mary last ditch effort explosion from his core that had frozen them where they stood. Danny swung his head to look at the.. simple comfy looking bed he had been resting on. Why would they-

Footsteps pound towards where he is, a shadow in the doorway. Fuck, they were back. Whenever they visited it hurt. Jack and Maddie were creative in their experiments, each one brought Danny more agony. Brought Danny closer to a full death. If he couldn't keep them from finding his core again, he really would be dead. His core pulsed, memories pushed themselves to the forefront of his mind.

They touched it, a glove shouldn't hurt like it did, what did they do what did they do to him did they not see they were killing him. He's alive, he's here, he's their son whywhywhy. Jack's comforting bulk turned to cheerful aggression and brute strength used to hurt him; Danny misses his firm embrace, the hate on Maddie's face tore Danny up inside, to see how her face went from deep love to the equally strong opposite was heartbreaking. She once threw herself at Vlad's experiments in that damned forest, her marital arts training had amazed him. She frightens him now, they frighten him now. To use such brutality against their son, she had broken bones, flung him so easily once she had gotten ahold of him. How awful it was to have not one reaction to his pleas- mom please you're hurting me, please it hurtsithurtsyourehurtingmeYOUREGONNAKILLME!

Danny can still hear his own screams playing in his head.

Tension fills Danny's frame sending more shockwaves across his injuries, the brain fog making it harder to figure out who was on the doorstep. He struggled to get to his knees in preparation. If the Drs Fenton were gonna do Frog Dissection 2: Ghostboy Edition he wasn't going to be compliant, even if Danny felt like he wouldn't be able to fight them off for very long at all. Hope that they would come to their senses would cost him dearly. A light flicked on outside the doorway, illuminating... his older brother. Damian Al Ghul, stared back at him.

Danny jolted, he vaguely remembered he popped out of a portal basically on top of his twin, right? His memories are all jumbled. Danny raised a shaky hand to his head, the beginnings of a migraine building. Did he lose his bags? His dagger? Danny didn't dare turn away from the predator in front of him to look. That was how many foolish people during the twin's training lost their lives. How weak was he that he let himself be caught when he could've at least tried to fly away? In some ways this was worse than being caught by his adoptive parents again. Damian was an unknown after all these years, even if part of him wants to cling to his cape and beg for just a days rest before they send him wherever they were planning to.

Damian may be here on a mission, or if he truly did escape the League maybe he wanted to send Danny back in his place so he could remain away from Grandfather's clutches. Danny knows just how persistent the Demon Head could be. Damian had always been the superior heir, but if Mother had been sending... clones? That's what he had said earlier, if Danny could remember correctly. Clones sent to Damian. It was a last resort to claim him and bring him home. Or replace him with the clone that won, he shivers thinking of Vlad.

Would Vlad go for the superior twin if he knew of Damian? That was a meeting Danny wanted to avoid, not that Damian would comply with any of the Fruitloop's plans. Danny paled at the thought, Damian surely would kill Vlad if he tried, then only Plasimus would remain. As of now his human half was the only reason the older halfa wasn't more than a nuisance. What a nightmare a fully ghost Vlad would be. Danny never would've stayed in Amity if he knew the trouble he'd get himself into. Danny was always just the spare. There to take orders, nothing more. His life and death was up to Grandfather. Not even lazarus water was allowed to someone worthless. No need for him beyond the worst case scenario, but held onto until the heir could claim his place.

The domino mask was gone revealing those emerald eyes he's missed for so long, but he still was wearing what he was earlier, Danny can see his blood smears from here. Danny tried to guess what Damian was thinking so hard about but other than his furrowed brows, his twin gave nothing away. In a sick way it made him proud his elder brother hadn't lost his edge.

Danny remained silent as his brother panted into the dark between them. He had to wait to be acknowledged. If he broke this tentative peace there is no telling when the orders would start. Slipping so easily into his League training made Danny bite his cheek to avoid the frown that would take place. Emotion will do him no favors here, even if truly hiding what he was feeling was next to impossible under Damian's gaze. Danny watched as Damian watched him. Damian telegraphed his movements slowly so Danny could see his hands and what they were doing. He had started palming his hidden blades and dropping them carelessly to the floor. Danny's eyes grew wide at the sight.

Damian... he didn't do careless, his every move deliberate and well thought out. This must be something meant to throw him off, make him lower his guard. His elder brother would also never just throw his weapons around unless it was at a target. Perhaps he doesn't need them. Perhaps he wants to kill Danny with his own hands or perhaps he thinks Danny won't resist his order to return. (In this moment Danny couldn't resist anything Damian wanted to do to him, even if he wanted to. He could be shipped back to Grandfather in Damian's stead.) Danny clenched the disheveled sheets in his hands, if he had to take on his twin every advantage he could get. Danny would need.

Looking back to the door, Damian has a small but impressive pile scattered behind him, one last dagger is carefully held in his hands. They're trembling slightly, Danny would have missed it, should have missed it, but he remembered far much more of his past than he ever let on with the Fentons. Danny figured amnesia is a great excuse to not answer their questions on how he got to be alone in Amity Park or where his family was, how he got left behind. The Damian here confused him. Disarming himself, openly trembling- nothing like the brother he remembers.

(They were the same size, but Damian always seemed bigger, his shoulders meant to hold more, the League, Grandfather's expectations and Mother's indifference, Danny and his string of failures, he only ended up holding the heir back. Damian's arms always open to curl up in after Danyal's frequent punishments. A weakness, Mother had said when she caught them, she had ripped Danny from his brother's arms and had mercilessly beaten him until he couldn't move for his audacity, all while Damian watched blank faced. When they were once again alone Damian had whispered apologies while helping the younger clean and bandage himself. Danny had insisted on doing the same for Damian- he had clenched his hands so tightly into fights behind his back that he had a perfect set of bloody nail marks from holding himself back from intervening as he stood at attention nearby- before they slipped into their beds. There would be no sharing tonight, not when Mother would surely check on them to make sure Danny didn't continue to tear Dami down. His elder brother had hummed a soft tune though that Danny fell asleep to. But no, Danny can't be sure that part of Damian still exists, he can't risk the world for his selfish desire to stay by his brother's side. Ra's Al Ghul could never find out just what kind of power Danyal gained via the portal and Phantom in his absence from Ra's watchful eye.)

Damian looks awfully small to Danny now, curled into himself by the door. He sheaths the dagger and gently sets this one on the ground in front of him before he sends it straight to Danny with a perfect kick. Danny snatches it up quickly, he won't look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Danyal..." Damian seems to crumple under the weight of his name, he looks... lost. He clears his throat, goes to say something but clears it again instead. His brother has always been confident. This uncertainty Danny feels zipping between them keeps him on edge. "Ahki please you are hurt, can I help you back to bed?"

Tears. Those are tears falling down his brother's face. Danyal can only stare. Damian had only cried with Danyal a few times in the League, on that rooftop with the stars. Something about how since Damian was older he had to be strong, strong for Danyal, strong in the face of Grandfather.

"I won't go back." Danny rasps painfully slipping into their mother tongue, "I'm sorry Dami I won't go back. Not even for you." Danny thinks he popped some of the stitches holding his chest together under the bandages when he dove to the floor. His shirt feels wet, his blood would quickly eat at the stitches now that he's actively bleeding again. Better to die here, this way, then go back to-

Danny raises his hand.

~~

"Ahki! No!" Damian cries out desperately, he feels his face twist in horror as dim lights blink into existence under the cabinets. Damian had thought a blade in hand would make Danny feel safer, less vulnerable for their second meeting if he had something to defend himself with. The image his brother makes on the floor was something he never could've imagined happening.

Damian was going to be sick. Danny had always been a joyful and stubborn presence by his side. Not even in the throws of their harsh childhood did he ever give up, ever give in.

Fear almost stops his heart from beating before it stubbornly restarts hard enough for his chest to ache. The dagger Damian had relinquished to Danny was pressed lightly to his own throat by a shaky hand. Damian's exclamation caused Danyal's hand to press a bit too hard, red blood dripped down the side of his neck. Danny looked at him almost hypnotized by Damian's extreme distress at what the light revealed, he didn't recognize the blur of movement towards him in time to react. Damian's hand covers his own wrenching the blade away.

When he found out who broke down his baby brother to such a degree that he felt he had to turn his blade on himself, well, Father's rules be damned, Damian would make them beg for death before claiming their pathetic life. It would be good to remind others of what the Demon Heir was capable of if he deemed it worth his time. Worth crossing Batman and his no killing rule. Danyal was worth everything to Damian.

~~

Danyal is shaking like a leaf in front of him and Damian aches to reach out to his baby brother, yet he doesn't want to force contact. If Danny felt cornered he could spook and hurt himself more trying to get away from Damian and that is the last thing he wants. "There is no need for that here Danyal. I'm sorry Danny, I'm so sorry you've been alone," He chokes out, the Arabic heavy in his mouth, "it will be alright you're- you're Ahki won't let anyone force you to do anything. I'll protect you, I promise."

Damian can see comprehension spread across that scary blank face his twin had been making. It trembles and breaks as tears gather in the corner of Danny's eyes. Danny's hands grip his arm harshly, Damian doesn't correct him. A bruise is a small price to pay for his twin's comfort. Even back in the League Damian never lied to Danny, had always, always, kept his promises. Those tears fall.

Danny wails as Damian pulls him tightly to his chest, he can't hide how he pats Danyal down to check for more weapons. Richard hovers outside the room but Damian knows he's hesitant to insert himself into the situation and have the potential for Danny to act unpredictably again. How astute of him, Damian is relieved at his brother's emotional intelligence. Damian keeps repeating his words over and over while rocking them. Danny obviously doesn't want to settle into it but can't seem to help it. Twins together for the first time in almost a decade, Damian doesn't hide his hitching breaths as they cry together. Damain never wants him to let go.

"I can't stay Ahki, I can't!" Danny sobs, pulling back until his brother can see his face, "Grandfather will- he'll- I'm a walking weapon!" Danny blubbers and tries to get a breath to explain because his brother had always at least let Danny say his argument in the past but ends up coughing until it turns into a whine. His body hurts. His Y incision burns like his- Maddie and Jack- are freshly cutting into him and he just wants this moment to last but knowing they're on borrowed time makes Danny curl closer. His face is pressed to Damian's chest, somehow Damian had moved them, Damian's back rested against the bed while Danny was cradled in his lap. Soothing circles were traced onto his back, something had changed in Damian's demeaner but without looking at his face Danny could only guess what that meant.

His cries slowly petered out in the face of his brother's steady comfort and Danny could feel his body go boneless in Dami's hold. His elder brother's murmurs weren't hidden by his cries so he could finally hear what was being said,

"I've been with Father for five years, I, too will never go back to the League. Ra's is dead, I promise you. Dead and locked away so he can not get revived in the Pits. He will never darken our doorstep, he's dead and Talia knows if she comes here, she will meet a similar fate, Danyal it's going to be okay. We're okay now. We have family who will help. I won't leave you alone again."

Over and over again, Damian's voice full of confidence and vitriol but he keeps his hold loose. Damian had always respected Grandfather and his influence, Danny wasn't sure what to think hearing his brother speak Grandfather's name. Danny had known that awful day the twins were pitted against each other that once the spare died there would be no escape from the League for Damian. If what he says is true... Damian did escape, has been safe with their Father for years.

Exhaustion slams into him, Danny feels... safe. The safety he so desperately needed is here in his grasp and he's terrified of it disappearing, being false. "Dami-"

"Hush Ahki, just breathe, we will talk later." Damian uses his sleeve to clean Danny's face, the gentle swipes make more tears sprint to his eyes, but his brother is patient, content to clean him up. Danny opens his mouth to protest, but Damian gently shushes him. Damian shifts their bodies to move them back to the bed, but Danny reacts like Damian is getting ready to leave, leave him here in this strange new place, scared and alone. (Some part of Danny snaps back at the thought, Damian never had gone back on his word before. Not once, that was a miracle considering their childhood.) Danny's hand snaps out to grab his twin's wrist on instinct. Don't go please. Don't go, I don't want to be alone.

Damian's face softens out of it's natural neutrality, his mouth twisting into a small smile. His real smile, the one reserved only for Danny. "The floor is dirty Danyal and I need to check your stitches, let's get you back in bed." Damian chuckles quietly at the apprehensive look shot his way. Danny was always an open book, at least to Damian. "I'll stay with you, come."

Damian shifts them as carefully as he can only to abruptly stop when Danyal's hand flies to his chest on a gasp. Danny can see Damian biting his cheek and glancing from him to the door out of the corner of his eye before he straightens a bit decision made.

"Richard, I know you are still there," It's said with a sigh but he knows that tone, his brother is grateful. A black-haired man pokes his head warily into the room to look at them.

"Little D! Can I help with anything?" Despite his caution Richard is beaming at them from his spot by the door. Danny grew tense in Damian's arms at the new arrival, but thankfully, luckily, he didn't try to run.

"Tt. Tell Pennyworth I may need his assistance, Danyal potentially pulled his stitches." Richard's face rapidly paled, his gaze swinging to his youngest brother trying to see if blood was leaking through his bandages. Damian was certain Richard would be grateful for Superman's x-ray vision right now by how hard he was staring at Danyal.

Though Richard meant well Damian felt his irritation rise when he feels Danyal curl further into him, trembling hands gripping the life out of his suit. As he resumes rubbing Danyal's back he starts whispering again in Arabic, careful to keep his words between them. Damian is sure an audience isn't helping Danny relax. Damian draws his focus the best he can away from their buffoon of an eldest brother.

Richard lingers in the doorway so without turning to look Damian flicks his wrist and the blade Danyal was ready to use against himself sails true, embedding itself a hair's width away from Richard's hand on the doorframe. "Now Grayson." He growls. Then they are alone. Damian hides a smirk in his twin's hair, before frowning. Danyal would feel better if he was clean, if his hair is anything to go by Danyal hasn't had a bath in a long time. That is where Damian could start. Until he could have a talk with his twin and figure out what he was so terrified of he'd threaten his own life... this would have to do. He's sure that Alfred has some supplies stored in the recovery room. Damian put a tub in the sink to fill with warm water while he grabbed what he needed.

With a brief explanation Danny pouted but hesitantly let Damian lower him so his head was mostly hanging off the foot of the bed. He pulled a chair over and got to work. The first wash was to get the majority of the dirt, blood, and sweat out. After he rinsed the first shampoo out Damian took his time with the rest. Fingers worked through knots and a bit of pressure here and there had Danyal melting in his hands. Truly relaxing for the first time in what was probably a long time. Damian smiled softly. The boy looked to be dozing now, both content to remain like this for a while longer.

From the door Alfred waved Dick off, it had been a long night and Bruce's eldest certainly needed rest. Looking back at the two blood siblings Alfred was sure the immediate danger had passed. He was content to leave them to bask in eachother's presence for a little while longer before he checked on the youngest master's stitches.

Part four

[ancientbygone]

the way that you were

[krissonlythoughts]

that one interaction with the Hardie Boys

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

"I'm going to lose people. It is social suicide to be doing this. But I feel like I'm going to meet better people along the way."

Remember how we were told this was "life-saving care"? They were building the plane while flying it.

Another lawsuit for the thing that never happens.

[thefluffiestbird]

Day 12: candy/neon gore

[eardefenders]

Hey! Sorry to bother you, are you gonna continue posting mailbag transcripts? :)

The short answer is yes. :)

Rest of the answer under the cut. Tw: mental health and attempted suicide

The long answer is I've stepped away from fandom for a few weeks to recover from a mental health crisis at the beginning of June. It turns out I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and I literally had bad news hit me in every facet of my life with the span of a few days.

My brain broke and I convinced myself that if I stopped eating and drinking I could quietly and easily pass away and everyone would be better for it.

Thankfully, I have family that noticed fairly quickly that something was very wrong with me and we're getting me the help I need. I've started medication and I'm waiting to see how it affects me before I step fully back into social media and fandom life.

I generally think mental health is private and I usually don't like talking about mine in particular but I also realize that part of the reason I remained undiagnosed until I literally broke was because no one talks about their mental health and I had no frame of reference to understand that what I was feeling wasn't normal. So that's why you got this kinda long, kind of a bummer answer.

Thank you for your understanding. :)

[weirdstrangeandawful]

TW: suicide, trauma, survivors guilt

I feel like suicide attempt trauma is an underused concept in whump. I get it's dark but so many other things are too?

Give me more whumpees who tried to escape through death only to be haunted by that attempt after they make a proper escape.

Whumpees with survivors guilt after losing their friends but surviving their own attempt.

Whumpees who don't tell anyone about their trauma because they survived, didn't they?

[whumpetywhump]

The King And The Clown (2005)

[whumpdidyasay]

Resident Evil (2002)

[nadsdraws]

Tags: edizzy, alternate ending to ep3, MCD, angst, they love each other, attempted suicide, suicide by storm

Izzy's clutching the gun in his hand, aiming it at his own head. There's truly nothing left for him. He's lost his leg, he lost Edward, the crew didn't even want to grant him the small mercy of killing him. He has to fucking do everything himself around here. 

He's on the verge of consciousness when he pulls the trigger. At least that's what he tells himself later—he must have blacked out from the pain and blood loss. 

When he manages to crawl out on the deck later on, Edward's plan is plainly obvious to him. Just as plainly obvious is that he must be stopped.

It physically pains him but he pulls the trigger, wounding Edward on the arm, stopping him from setting the ship on fire. After that, everything happens so fast—Fang charges at Ed and Jim neutralizes him with a cannon ball. They hold the ship together until the storm passes, leaving them to a slow and painful death.

By all accounts Edward should be dead by now but Izzy doesn’t let the crew get rid of his body. He feels guilty. He feels he pushed Edward into this spiral. He goes down to the room he used to lie in not that long ago and cleans Edward's face. Tells him everything he wasn't brave enough to tell him all the years they spent together. Tells him he's sorry.

Just as well. Bonnet on Zheng Yi Sao's ship finds them not long after. Another miracle that has no right to exist. Bonnet rescues them and takes Izzy with them, which takes Izzy off guard so much he goes to thank him. He thought there would be no space for him on the ship but the crew surprises him once again, making him a brand new leg and leaving it by his door. He even sings for them in return, something he hasn't done since he met Edward.

And then Zheng Yi Sao's fleet blowing up suddenly merges with the roaring thunder of a storm and a loud sound of wood cracking—as if a ship has been torn in two two right next to Izzy's ear.

Izzy opens his eyes to see Edward bursting into his dark, filthy cabin under the deck. There might have been some fire on the deck behind him, Izzy isn't sure.

He squirms on his bed but it only makes the pain of his fresh wound shoot up his left leg. He is still holding the gun that must have knocked him out.

It was just a dream, he realises, just his pathetic little dream, baring all of his deepest wants and desires. He dreamed of being accepted by the crew, of singing to them. Or Edward saying sorry for his leg. He dreamed of Bonnet coming back because Bonnet always comes back in his dreams, but Edward left him in the end, and Izzy… Izzy was good to Ed this time round, told him he could be whoever he wanted to be.

Of course that would never happen to him. It was never real.

What's real is this musty old room reeking of sweat and blood. Of disease. Of an old man dying.

"I knew you'd wait for me." Ed says cryptically with a wild excitement in his voice.

"Eddie?" Izzy mutters.

"Shh, it's fine, it's nearly done, Iz" Edward tells him softly, sitting by the side of his bed again.

"What is?"

"Our retirement."

Izzy blinks, his vision is blurry, but Edward looks beautiful with his messy bun and smudged make up.

The only retirement we get is death.

The ship is being rocked on waves so strong Izzy never experienced before. Edward smiles to him though, looks calmly down at him. He's at peace, Izzy can tell. After everything that happened. Is this where he wanted them to end up? It doesn't matter now. They're here, they're together.

Edward weaves his hand into Izzy's sticky hair, the touch so tender Izzy leans into it without thinking, and closes his eys. He's tired, he's lived life long enough to fill a few lifetimes.

Izzy should have noticed what Edward was planning all along, should have known that he wouldn't want to go alone. It only gets to show how sloppy he's become in deciphering Edward, in guessing his moods. But this is fitting. A retirement for the both of them.

For Izzy there was never any other future.

"Our retirement," Izzy mutters back in agreement and Edward smiles and leans over to press his own lips to Izzy's.

It's the lightest of touches, not at all how Izzy would expect Blackbeard to kiss. But of course here now it's not Blackbeard, it's Eddie with him again. Bare of all the personas he claimed along the way.

Izzy kisses back with as much strength as he has left. The wind howls outside ominously, the crack of wood, the sound of mast being reduced to splinters echoing in the background.

Izzy digs his hands into Edward's shoulders, pressing him closer as the water finally blows up the walls of his cabin. For a moment there is chaos, panic surging up his veins, his body fighting to survive, but he lets it all behind.

He's at peace.

They cling to each other in the anticipation of what's to come. The captain always goes down with his ship and Izzy would never leave his captain.

My AO3

[naffeclipse]

Sleuth Jesters question here, if you’re willing to answer it. Do Sun and moon ever find out about y/n pointing the gun at themselves in order to save Gregory? If no, what would their reaction have been if they had found out? Love your writing!

Thank you, babe!

They found out later from a little eyewitness report from Gregory, and understandably, they don't take it very well and confront the vigilante with it. Sun is very frantic that Y/N almost shot themselves and Moon is shaking with anger until Y/N takes both of their hands and reassures them that it was only a bluff. Y/N knew Eclipse wouldn't let that happen, but Y/N couldn't let Gregory get hurt, either. Y/N knew it would be okay.

Y/N tries to brush it off like "Detectives, that was the least interesting thing to happen that day and you both should agree with me because when am I ever wrong?" but Sun and Moon make it very clear that they aren't remotely okay with it and expect Y/N to not even entertain the idea of ever harming themselves. It takes a bit of reassuring and some tight hugs but the detectives settle down. Y/N is silently touched by their concern, of course, but does a lot that evening to distract them and quietly make up for the upsetting news.

[duttonandpartner]

So….I am in the very beginning of the 3rd season of Yellowstone (First two episodes) and there are already a few scenes which makes my head hurt for Jamie.

Starting with Scene 1

There is the scene in the very first episode where the cowboys, John, Casey and Tate are about to move to the summer camp. It’s shown as if they are literally on the brick of heading off when Jamie comes along on his horse to join them. At this point Jamie is still part of the cowboys and is living in the barn with them. Therefore, he has every right in the world to assume that he, Jamie, will join them and help out in the summer camp. That is his JOB at this point.

The overarching plot of this episode is that John Dutton is unable to be Livestock Commissioner/ Commander/ Whatever because of the events in the finale of season 2. He gets to nominate his successor for which he choses Casey first. Casey doesn’t feel like it; so he declines with a „lol, no, big pass, good luck with it I guess, I am out“ kind of vibe. Interestingly, Casey suggests Jamie instead („[…] you have a politician; and he’s living currently in the barn[…]“ is very close to what he is saying, I believe). John does not do that. He offers it to Beth instead who also declines and walks out.

This political position is clearly a key factor to Johns way of saving the ranch, Yellowstone, but John seems to be unsure of what to do or he just forgets about it. That’s until Jamie arrives.

So…Jamie, CLEARLY completely unaware of what is going on, assuming that he is still with the cowboys instead of being offered another job as LITERALLY LAST CHOICE, comes out with his horse all excited, wearing his hat and visibly smiling. THIS IS THE EXACT MOMENT when John APPARENTLY decides to tell him that he will be the new Livestock Commissioner.

John makes sure to tell Jamie that he will not stand another disappointment from him and then leaves with Jamie’s co-workers up to this point, his brother and nephew. This excluding Jamie in every way from everything which gave him self-confidence up to this point and literally leaves him behind to take his horse back in, I guess.

I mean WHAT????

The nonchalantness of it all, I think, makes me really angry. If John REALLY doesn’t trust Jamie with this position HE COULD HAVE FOUND ANOTHER WAY. He could have made Beth do it or even Monica or LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.

The best choice of course, in my opinion, would be Rip, but John apparently still doesn’t considers him family; which is also just nonsense at this point.

I just don’t get that he waited until Jamie had his horse ready and settled and then told him in the most humiliating way possible in front of all these people. I simply don’t understand that. I mean John didn’t what Jamie to die so I guess he has some feelings of being a FARTHER to him but what was this then?

Jamies reason for being in the barn was for him to regain self-confidence in a field where he doesn’t experience so much stress. John just put a lot of stress on him. Again.

[murdockmeta]

Murderdock Headcanons

That I consider canon lol

Matt's hands and feet are always so fucking cold

Matt doesn't like to be touched (honestly this is kinda canon with him cutting Miles simply because he grabbed Matt's arm in a non threatening way)

Matt was laying there amongst the bodies of the ninja after Stick died because he was bleeding out and he was waiting to die

Matt is asexual (I specifically see him as being sex-positive, I think he enjoys it but he sees it more as a tool to get things from others or to manipulate them. He sees it as something that is useful for things like stress relief or pent up energy but it's not something he actively seeks out)

Matt has scars. Like a LOT of scars that cover his whole body. Some mar his skin but most you can't see unless the light catches them just right.

To further on the above: I think some of these are self harm scars

Matt has heavy scarring around his eyes, right where the chemicals directly contacted his skin, and that's why he's depicted wearing bigger glasses to cover more of his face

Matt struggles with eating, he'll easily forget or just won't eat for extended periods

To expand on the above: I think the hand probably starved him as forms of punishment, and he also grew up impoverished, so he's really not used to eating regularly or consistently

Matt likes it when he takes his glasses off and it makes people uncomfortable, he thinks they deserve it and it gives him a bit of a power trip

Gwen's dad was the responding officer during the accident that blinded Matt (def stole this from a @/ask-nelsonandmurderdock comic and adopted it straight into my canon)

Matt hates guns, they irritate him and he hates how loud they are

He has a default way of speaking that makes him come off as stuck up (I mean he kinda is so)

He's an extremely light sleeper

He has various canes with different weapons/uses hidden in them (one with a katana, one with a tantō, one that breaks apart v similar to 616!matts, probably more)

He knows so many of Tony Stark's ex-wives because he's the only lawyer that's won any case against the team of lawyers Tony has on retainer in a divorce suit

Matt is left-handed. Between the nuns and being raised by the hand, he's become ambidextrous, but his left is his more dominant

Matt will sometimes inadvertently pray while he's meditating. It's due to the different prayers he had to memorize as a kid, he's trying to clear his mind while meditating and sometimes they just slip into his thoughts as a repetitive act that keeps him calm and focused

Matt will stand eerily still, like you-can't-tell-he's-breathing you-swear-he-doesn't-even-blink kinda still, he doesn't usually even notice that he's doing it

I could go on and on cause I literally NEVER stop thinking about this slimy bastard but that's where I'll stop for now :)

[the-lady-maddy]

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