#Depression Misconceptions

[peaceandpositivitymentalheal]

Mental health care has often been overshadowed by misconceptions and stigmas, particularly in communities like mental health care in Waldorf, Maryland. These stereotypes can prevent individuals from seeking the support they need. People may think mental health struggles are a sign of weakness, or that only extreme cases require care. In reality, mental health challenges are common, and understanding that seeking help is a courageous step can make a significant difference in overcoming these barriers.

[michaelgabrill]

National Disability Employment Awareness Month and Addressing Misconceptions of Depression

The month of October marks National Disability Employment Awareness Month (NDEAM). The NDEAM observance was declared in 1988 by the United States Congress in efforts to raise awareness of disability employment needs and to celebrate the many and varied contributions of individuals with all types of disabilities. This year’s NDEAM theme, chosen by the Office […] from NASA https://ift.tt/tNpOdv8

[kdotan]

Writing anxiety into my characters is something that can and is very personal to me.

[terrestrialnoob]

I really like Purpose over Obsession for Danny Phantom ghosts. Purpose has a neutral connotation, more importantly, it's a choice. They stay because they want to watch over family members or they want to keep playing or they have a deep sense of responsibility or they're scared to move on or maybe they don't believe they deserve to move on. A purpose also implies fluidity, a purpose can change, a person can choose a new purpose (it's never too late to change). While Obsession has a negative connotation and there is no choice. There is nothing deeper than they have to do it or they don't get to exist anymore. And a person doesn't choose their obsession, they're stuck with whatever got them stuck.

I'm pretty sure The Phandom has used Obsession because of a couple of lines from the show where Jack and/or Maddie dismissing ghosts as complex beings by reducing them to instinct and obsession. It would be great if that's a misconception the characters have. The Fenton's use it to dehumanize ghosts, Danny agrees because he's lived with them his entire life but slowly starts to realize that it's not an Obsession - a chain that binds a ghost to the living realm, but a Purpose - a rope they're choosing to hold onto. Danny eventually realizes that he also gets a choice, he doesn't have to be a hero if he doesn't want to be a hero. If it's too hard to save people and be a good student and be a good son and be a good friend, Danny can just choose one to be his new purpose, but it is a choice he gets to make, and has to make. If he wants to protect people, he has to choose to protect people.

Ghosts still lose power over time if they don't have a purpose (anyone who understands depression knows that humans are also this way) but they're not compelled by any force to have to do anything. They might become obsessed with their purpose, but that is a flaw for that character specifically, not something that will kill them if they don't do it.

I just like it when characters have more agency. It's the same thing with like, prophecy and fate and destiny. Like, yeah, A Grand Destiny is fun to play around with, but it's easy to forget that there also needs to be a person in there who reacts to having a destiny. An obsession is a fun concept to play with, but we have to remember there's a person the obsession is happening to.

[bonefall]

[ID: Ask from @storiesandsquirrels, transcribed in alt text]

also: link to Cow Lore

There's one major misconception here I've gotta correct before answering earnestly; Holsteins do need Super Duper Food. This is one of their major problems as a breed, you need to give them high quality feed for high quantity, low quality milk.

But! That said! These are valid questions that deserve real responses. In spite of the quick correction, I actually want to answer them as you phrased them because I think it would be more illuminating. I'm going to try and summarize them as I go along;

Question 1: "Why wouldn't we want to use The Most Efficient Cow?"

The simplest answer is disease. My ""prediction"" came true, and bird flu has mutated to spread extremely easily through the infected udders of Holsteins. No one has died of bovine-contracted HPAI yet, but with Brainworm Bobby and his love of raw milk in charge of the CDC...

well. my last prediction was prophetic. let's hope this one's not.

Minmaxing a breed for one specific purpose always means intensive inbreeding. Like I mentioned, 9 million Holsteins are genetically equivalent to 60 individuals. A more genetically diverse population is one that will be better at preventing disease outbreaks, and reducing their severity when they do.

And what even is the Most Efficient Milk Cow? If you're only selecting for pure milk production to drive down its cost, you get a breed of cattle that lacks every other important trait that would make it good livestock;

They get sick more often, due to inbreeding depression and lack of physical fitness, requiring more antibiotics and veterinary care.

They are bad parents who will need more human intervention to birth and raise calves

They won't be good grazers, meaning they need a specific food grown for them, increasing how much "functional" land is actually dedicated to cattle husbandry.

Their carcass won't yield as much meat, so more cattle have to be raised and slaughtered to meet demand.

Their bodies will burn out much quicker than a healthier animal, meaning you need to replace your livestock more often.

When it comes to living beings, "efficiency" is "fragility." It's not a stable system to begin with.

Even with the pure logic aside, just, step back here and look at the situation with a heart. We'd be making unhealthy, short-lived animals lacking critical instincts to lead good social lives. AND we probably haven't even fixed the "less land" problem, just shifted the land off-site.

For what? For more milk? We have SO MUCH milk we don't even know what to do with it!

Question 2: "Isn't an overabundance of cheap milk a good thing?"

no.

Under the infinite genius of Capitalism, thousands of gallons of milk just gets poured into the sewer daily because there's too much of it. Transporting it to a processor would cost more than it's worth, sometimes the processors turn milk away because they don't want to overproduce products, and even the US government can't subsidize every last drop; it still has 1.4 billion pounds of cheese in various caves and warehouses across the country.

The price of milk cannot get any lower because it's already being sold below the cost it takes to produce it, and yet, we're still here literally pouring it down the drain.

[photo from bill ulrich who photographed a farmer dumping milk back during the pandemic. this isn't even a recent photo. this happens every time there's a milk surplus. im using this photo because i like the farmer's cunty little pose. look at him. "just ain't right"core.]

And milk being dumped into the sewer is more than just wasteful. It's a biohazard.

Milk doesn't stop rotting when it's dumped. If you live downstream of a milkhouse, improper milk disposal reeks.

It's full of nutrients, too, which causes diatoms, cyanobacteria, and other types of algae to go into overdrive-- causing a Harmful Algal Bloom event in the water, or HAB.

HABs are horrific. There's HUNDREDS of different types. They can suck up oxygen and create "dead zones" which kills all aquatic life, they can poison the water supply for an entire town, and some can even cause toxic fumes that make it hard to breathe on land.

Now, listen, I don't want to scare you into never dumping out rotten milk or anything! It's that on an industrial scale, it's REALLY REALLY bad if a farm overproduces milk-- especially crummy milk that can't be made into decent cheese or other dairy products.

In fact, if we did produce milk on a smaller scale, it would be better for everyone! Unless you're a Milk Guzzling Fiend like I am, you probably wouldn't need to buy a whole gallon at a time. In countries like Italy, it's sold fresh and in smaller containers, and you're just expected to pick it up as you need it.

This is why milkmen used to exist, and still do in places that are cool; they'd deliver your supply fresh from the creamery. Less waste, less stress! The "subscription model" is actually sooooooooooo much better for milk production, since it helps to stagger out those "surges and drops" of demand that leads to milk dumps.

Question 3: "If the cow eats less, doesn't that mean less land for pasture, which is a good thing?"

There's a lot to unpack within this sentiment. It's actually based on a couple of common assumptions on a few levels, which are incorrect in fascinating ways. Challenging this means opening up your worldview on how complex keeping livestock actually is!

I'll start with the simpler part;

You could cut fresh pasture out of the equation entirely and shove a cow into a concrete pen with a food box-- but are you counting the land growing the fodder?

When you grow corn the way that we do on industrial farms in the US, it's unbelievably destructive. Unending oceans of monoculture. Fogged with pesticide, pumped full of fertilizer which causes HABs like dumped milk does, sprayed with thousands of gallons of wasted water.

When you look at this image, I need you to understand you are looking at a dead zone. Like a suburban lawn, just because it's green doesn't mean it's good. Nothing grows here but corn and pests of corn, which gets poisoned and dies without returning any of that energy to the ecosystem.

This is usually what is being given to "grain-fed cattle," either when they're sent to a feedlot to hit their slaughter weight, or when they're lactating so they need the extra nutrition. It's also so nasty it's inedible to human beings.

Now, a lot of cattle farmers will just supplement their cow's diet, doing a mix of pasture feeding (much cheaper) and grain feeding (quicker gains). But the facts on this are clear; pasture-kept cattle result in LESS emissions and need LESS total space than cows in confinement.

In fact, there were a LOT of benefits!

Overall gas emissions from the cows dropped by 8%

Ammonia pollution was down by 30%

Not needing to run farm equipment for fodder planting and harvest reduced carbon dioxide emissions by 10%

Rotated crop fields didn't sequester carbon; but the newly converted perennial grasslands store as much as 3,400 pounds per acre.

The outside cows did produce less milk volume, but the milk they did produce was higher quality. So, looking at all the benefits here, it's clear that pasture is actually something that should be embraced for ecological reasons, not rejected.

In FACT, it should be EMPHASIZED. Because, this is the mind-blowing part,

Pasture can ALSO be an ecosystem.

In fact, I'm a Warrior Cats guy who once did a deep dive on moorlands just so I could write WindClan better. There are entire biomes that only exist because of grazing, and British lowland heath is one of them!

Keeping cattle in a sustainable, ecologically sound way is going to look different depending on where in the world you're doing it. So many earnest, good-willed people have bought into the lie that humans are a problem, and that everything "associated" with us becomes a barren wasteland as if we are tainted. YOU are not the problem! The problem is, and always has been, exploitation. Unsustainable relationships with the land we're part of.

Indigenous people in Europe, Asia, and Africa have been keeping cattle for thousands of years. In North America, cattle can be used to maintain ecosystems that have been badly affected by the colonial eradication of the American Bison. In South America, Brazil specifically has been making incredible advances with highly efficient integrated crop-livestock-forestry farming.

Generally, pastures here in the US are not as intensely managed as an equivalent crop field. Some people fertilize them, or water them mid-summer, but absolutely not to the same extent as industrial corn farms. Cattle are typically rotated between pastures, allowing each to re-grow before they come back to graze again.

Obviously, yes, overgrazing can be an issue. Not every open space should be converted into a pasture, and the destruction of other environments to turn into cow land is a problem. But that is an issue of bad land stewardship, not the mere practice of keeping livestock.

Bottom line, though? Cattle who can graze and survive outside are better for the environment than cattle that can't.

...but hey, you know what Holsteins happen to be really bad at?

EVERYTHING. GRAZING.

They are notoriously terrible grazers. They can't do megan THEEEEE thing that cows are known for. Fragile frames, a lack of fat to keep them warm outside, increased demand for food, distaste for any rough forage, horrible mothering instincts, the list goes on. Holsteins are a NIGHTMARE to try and keep outside all year round compared to other breeds.

(especially heritage breeds, like the Milking Devon, Florida Cracker, or Texas Longhorn. Between these three, you'd be totally covered in 80% of American climates.)

I've already explained why it's not actually very good or important that we minmax milk volume, but even if that was actually something we should value, there are so many downsides that they would absolutely not be the dominant cow breed in a truly "efficient" system.

"Less cows means less cow food and cow land" is sound logic, but Holsteins are not the right cow for that job.

Question 4: "How could this be done in a way that doesn't increase cost of living?"

I'm not sure how to answer this question, simply because I'm not Bonestar, Leader of AmericaClan. Wish I was. I would rule tyrannically.

It's worth noting that Brazil is the second largest producer of beef in the entire world, AND the number one largest exporter of it, AND only puts 30% of its land to total agricultural use. The USA dedicates over 50%. And also Brazil is net reducing its amount of agricultural land while increasing output.

It seems clear to me that the USA actually has a massive food waste and resource distribution problem, to the point where the price we pay for stuff is actually wildly disconnected from the actual value of the goods and labor.

I think the way that us Americans tend to frame our conversations on these topics as "growth" vs "cuts" instead of asking how to minimize waste by making existing systems more efficient prevents us from solving problems. We're also just... really culturally resistant to the idea of anything being more "expensive," even if it ends up costing us a lot more money in waste or mismanagement later.

Penny wise and dollar foolish ass country.

Question 5: "What can we personally do about this?"

I mean, I wasn't making a call to action in Cow Lore, I was just explaining to one of my regulars why I don't like Holsteins LMAO. Since you're asking though...

I don't think we can change the wider trend in the dairy industry without actual government intervention and regulation, though, and that's very unlikely in the current political environment. they just sent random dudes to Ausalvador-Birkenau and when the Supreme Court said "bring this specific person back" they said "nuh uh." fellas I don't think we're getting better dairy regulations in the foreseeable future.

So I think the most productive thing to do is focusing on supporting small farms and heritage breeds. Get involved in your community garden or heritage society if you have one.

Not only is that generally a very rewarding thing, but it will be helpful to you in case The Situation Gets Worse. Knowing your neighbors and having real human connection is your best defense against economic recession.

Supporting the locals is always a great thing to do, which can be as simple as going to farmer's markets. You don't need to buy fancy food every day to make an impact on your community-- it can be a treat sometimes!

You could also subscribe to the Livestock Conservancy's free newsletter, where they talk about the work they're doing and upcoming events. If you're a knitter, crocheter, or any other kind of fiber artist, you could even join in on a challenge they're running where you make items out of rare wool for prizes!

Should you end up liking the work they do, you can become a member for 4$ a month, or go to one of their educational events.

Even just talking about the problem can do a lot! Did you know the Highland Cow was actually critically endangered in the USA within the past 10 years? It was the work of the Livestock Conservancy, plus a surge in their popularity, that helped to bring their numbers up. Word of mouth is a powerful thing.

All that said, remember, you can't solve every problem. It's a big world and there's a lot of them. Being made aware of an issue doesn't mean you have to drop what you were previously doing-- just care a lot about something that you want to improve, and let that guide you.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Someone requested some advice on whether to openly tell people you are mentally ill/neurodivergent/invisibly disabled or not.

There's some research that suggests that, for example, autistic people are more likely to identify as lgbt+ than their non-autistic peers - so this is absolutely a topic that belongs on a lgbt+ blog and I'm sure there are a lot of you who had to make that decision (and probably keep having to make it as coming-outs of any sort are rarely one-and-done!).

In fact, I had/have to make that decision myself! As an autistic person with depression and anxiety, I could tell you now why I personally decided to be open about all those diagnoses - but the right decision for me isn't necessarily the right decision for you as my life isn't yours.

So, what I'll do instead is to write down a general list with (potential) pros and cons, and I encourage you to nitpick it. Personalize it, take some time to decide how much, if at all, each point weighs in your own decision. There's no right or wrong answer here. It's all about your highly individual situation, about your safety and comfort.

Reasons not to be open about it:

It may put you at risk for various sorts of hate, discrimination, negative stigma and bad treatment

It may put a burden on you to educate others and discuss any misconceptions or myths they believe in, including potentially hurtful or disstressing ones (maybe even fruitlessly so which may cause frustrations or fights)

It may change the way people treat you, even in well-meant ways (babying you, pitying you, trying to "help" against your wishes etc.)

It may feel like a loss of privacy, make you feel "naked" or emotionally vulnerable, make you worry more about the way others perceive you etc.

Reasons to be open about it:

It may help others understand you or your behavior better, which may have positive effects on your relationships

It may allow you to ask for support and help more easily (either from friends and loved ones or in the workplace, school etc.)

It may make you feel empowered and help you accept/love yourself as a disabled person more

It may contribute to making your specific diagnosis more visible in society (which may also make you feel pride in breaking down stereotypes and supporting your community)

It may discourage people from assigning wrong or hurtful labels to you (either armchair-diagnosing you or labeling you as weird, crazy, lazy, gross etc.)

It's important to keep in mind that some people do not have the option to make this decision for themselves, for example because they have highly visible symptoms or they are in a position where their caretakers make the decision for them. This adds another layer to why we can't judge one decision as better or worse than the other - it's not always their own decision.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[kenyatta]

(from January 15, 2021)

So while some one-third of the erosion of support for the SPD went to the Kommunistische Partei (Communist Party or KPD) in the town of Thalburg, most of the other two-thirds went to the Nazis. In fact, Hamilton seems to believe that the Communists and Socialists mainly served as a threat with which the Nazis could whip up anti-Communist fervor, much as the radical right in America today uses socialism as a pejorative term with greater success than the Democratic center is able to harness the real possibilities democratic socialism has to offer middle-class Americans. In the decisive July 31, 1932, election, Hitler received exactly 37.3 percent of the overall vote across Germany. He fared less well in the cities, averaging 32.3 percent in urban centers with populations over 100,000. However, in towns with fewer than 25,000 inhabitants he scored better, averaging 41.3 percent of the vote. And in some of the smallest rural communities across Germany, he scored 80 percent or more of the votes, and in several the Nazi vote was 100 percent. The rural groundswell for Hitler included people of all classes and income levels. And the more it was a question of Protestant communities, the better Hitler did. It would later become something of a footnote, but throughout most of these years, the conservative lay Catholic Zentrumspartei (Center Party) was a bulwark against Hitler’s Nazis, along with the radical Communists, and the once-dominant SPD socialists. But what is most striking is how none of these three major parties managed to present a clear alternative. In the rural communities where the allure of Nazism was strongest, the main competition was the two parties of the left, the SPD and the KPD. Up until the First World War, the Social Democrats had commanded 60 percent or more of the vote nationally and had this majority among working-, middle-, and upper-middle-class voters. After the seismic upheavals of the early decades of the 20th century and then the First World War, the major Weimar parties had turned their backs on their citizens’ needs and aspirations. Hamilton finds no evidence to support the truism that a disenfranchised lower-middle class embraced Hitler’s Nazi Party. What he does find is that the Nazis were a party that organized people, especially in rural communities; that it was largely a Protestant phenomenon; and that it coincided with an inability and disinterest on the part of the major parties of the left to organize, even though the SPD had commanded the loyalty of the majority of German voters not so many years before.

also:

Hamilton devotes an entire chapter to what he terms “travelers and vacationers.” In the late 1920s and early ’30s, the Depression raged through war-scarred Germany. The country had seen the establishment of the eight-hour workday, and of unemployment insurance that was intended to cover three-quarters of a million unemployed workers. But the immediate effect of these measures was to make German manufacturing and industry less competitive with their counterparts in other European countries, and these worthy projects proved to be unsustainable in a country with an economy in free fall. So when Hamilton decides to look closely at the votes of “travelers and vacationers,” what he is really examining is the votes of those who were well-enough off to be more or less completely untouched by the economic ruin all around them, who still took their usual vacations during July (when the first 1932 election occurred). And what he finds was that in the key elections of 1928, 1930, and 1932, these travelers gave two-thirds of their votes to Hitler.

and:

It could be—and the more I read Hamilton, the more I believe it—that the greatest danger with a movement like the one embodied by Hitler’s militant National Socialists does not stem from the movement itself, always a minority, but rather within the larger society and its halfhearted disavowal of the Nazis, together with a kind of secret brainwashing of the educated and well-off middle class that is vulnerable precisely because they think they aren’t.

[candyskiez]

so, you've heard shows be recommended because they had gay characters. you don't really know what they're actually about though, and don't know if they'd be something you'd be into and are worried about spoilers. here's spoiler free plot summaries of em!

The Owl House

The Owl House starts out as a typical teenage girl goes into a fantasy realm story, but with a twist. Actions have consequences. The protagonist is a girl named Luz Noceda, who was being sent to a camp to make her behave normally by her mother after causing too much trouble at school. She ends up finding a place she's always dreamed of: a fantasy world. A world where everyone's so much weirder than she is. And she thinks, maybe if I don't belong out there, maybe people will like me here. Maybe I can be special here.

It's a story about found family, propaganda, erased history, living with disability, religious trauma, and neurodivergence. It's fundamentally a show about people who's brains work differently finding each other and making a family that treats them right. Definitely my favorite of the ones on this list. It's about people who've been oppressed being pissed about it and about finding yourself again after giving up on everyone around you for so long. It's basically a show about being a minority and trying to be understood and to understand yourself in the process. It's about growing up neurodivergent and how isolating it feels and figuring yourself out. It's about repairing broken relationships and parents who fuck up. And it's just. Such a love letter to anyone who was the weird kid in school. It's sad and heartbreaking and also so hopeful, and it's wonderful.

Content warnings: Abuse, Death, Grief, Animal Death, Suicidal thoughts, Vague suicide attempts, Depression, blink and you'll miss it s/h, body horror, religious trauma

She Ra and the Princesses Of Power

Adora was raised in the Horde since she was a baby, being fed propaganda about how cruel the princesses were. After learning how the horde actually was, though, she defects. But there's one problem. Her best friend, Catra, stays behind. Adora finds a sword that can transform her into She Ra, and might be the key to figuring out who she really is, while Catra takes her place as force captain.

It's a story about abuse, at the end of the day. Adora and Catra were stuck in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic, despite how much they care about each other. This leads to them knowing everything about each other but not understanding it. There's a fundamental disconnect between them, because both of their traumas are completely different. They have complete misconceptions about each other. Even in their initial split, they both have completely different perceptions of what's going on and why the other is upset. It's not a story about magic princesses, it's about the cycle of abuse and what makes it so complicated. Does it have flaws? Yeah. But ultimately I really really enjoy it, and when it does something right it does something RIGHT. Get through season one, it starts kids show-y but it gets very good during later s1.

Content warnings: Abuse (obviously), body horror, gaslighting (and I mean actual gaslighting, not what the Internet thinks gaslighting is), suicide, depression, flashing lights and eyestrain during the finale

Steven Universe

Steven Universe is a sins of the father story. Steven is the son of the leader of the rebel group The Crystal Gems, who's name was Rose Quartz. He navigates the confusion of being half gem and half human, as well as trying to figure out the mess of the rebellion and what his mother left behind. He's constantly in her shadow, for better or for worse.

It's a story about grief. How it impacts relationships, how it taints history, how it impacts family. It has some definite flaws, but ultimately it's about very flawed people who have lost so many people in their life trying to cope with it. Trying to handle what they lost and trying to adjust to life without them. It's about how expectations fuck a kid up and about agency and just a show about complicated relationships in general, at the end of the day. Also, it has some FANTASTIC music.

Content warnings: Grief, Abuse, body horror, very creepy people I don't know how to tag, heavy allegories for homophobia

Nimona

Nimona is a story about a guy who gets framed for murder. His name is Ballister Boldheart, a commoner who hoped to become a knight. It seemed everyone was waiting to watch him fail, so it was no surprise when he was the immediate target. Heavily injured and away from the man he loves, he's left alone trying to figure out a way to prove his innocence- until a strange kid comes into his life. This kids name is Nimona, and while he is intent on proving his innocence, she gave up on being anything but a villain a long time ago.

It's about deconstructing the model minority myth, trans rage, propaganda, and with a healthy dose of "FUCK the police".

Content warnings: Heavy injury, on screen suicide attempt, flashing lights

feel free to add more shows! just remember to keep the summaries as spoiler free as you can and add content warnings!

[dephoraowo]

Wei Wuxian and a List of his Fanon Tropes

Wei Wuxian is one of the best characters in mdzs. He is, unfortunately, also one of the most misunderstood characters in mdzs. I will be compiling all of his fanon tropes so that readers will be able to differentiate the canon from fanon.

List of Fanon Tropes:

Wei Wuxian is stupid / lazy / annoying / rude / incompetent. (+ this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian is a reckless or sacrificial idiot. (+ this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian has low self-esteem. (+ this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian is arrogant. (+ this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian has depression. (+ this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian is bisexual.

Wei Wuxian is suicidal. (+ this.)

Wei Wuxian is morally grey. (+ this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian owes the Jiangs. (+ this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian did the Golden Core Transfer purely out of love.

Wei Wuxian was favoured by Jiang Fengmian. (+ this, this.)

Wei Wuxian doesn't know how to take care of himself.

Wei Wuxian is oblivious. (+ this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian was adopted into the Jiang family. (+ this.)

Wei Wuxian harms the dead. (+ this.)

Wei Wuxian was not mistreated by the Jiangs. (+ this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian did not help the Jiang Clan after the war.

Wei Wuxian is an alcoholic.

Wei Wuxian regrets what he did to save the Wens.

Wei Wuxian is always thinking about Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian wants to reunite with Jiang Cheng during his second life. (+ this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian is physically weak without his golden core.

Wei Wuxian tortured every single Wen in the Supervisory Office.

Wei Wuxian refuses to accept help from everyone around him. (+ this, this.)

Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Wangji hates him. (+ this.)

Wei Wuxian views the Jiangs through rose colored lenses.

Wei Wuxian never told anyone that he was thrown into the Burial Mounds.

Wei Wuxian is a people pleaser. (+ this.)

Wei Wuxian is seen as an equal / respected by Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian is privileged.

Wei Wuxian's cultivation is demonic cultivation. (+ this, this, this.)

Wei Wuxian is ashamed of his cultivation.

Wei Wuxian's memory is bad.

Wei Wuxian has a hero complex.

Disclaimer, none of these posts belong to me. I suggest reading all of the wonderful posts of the users that I have listed down because they are quite good to read. I'm just listing down all the fanon tropes, pet-peeves, misconceptions, gripes, or horrible takes out there in the fandom in mdzs for my own reference and perhaps everyone out there who needs it.

If there are any more things that I have missed, please don't hesitate to share 😊🙏. I have unfortunately reached the limit for this post and will have to add to a separate post if there are more fanon takes.

[back2bluesidex]

Six Degrees of Separation - MYG [Preview]

✨ Patreon Membership Exclusive Series ✨

Pairing: Best Friend!Yoongi X Female Reader X Doctor!Seokjin

Theme: Angst, Unrequited love au, pining, more angst, eventual cheating and smut and fluff.

Word count: Each part will contain 1k to 2k words.

Summary: Break up hurts, but being rejected by the man you have loved for five solid years and losing him and his friendship in one damn night - only for him to show up a year later holding your cousin's hand all ready to tie the knot hurts more.

Break up hurts, but going through all six degrees of separation from the Man who was never yours - hurts a lot more.

Warnings: heartbreak, rejection.

Update Schedule: Every Tuesday 4:30 am UTC.

Read the full chapter

Chapter index:

Prologue

Degree 1: Shock

Degree 2: Denial and Desperation

Degree 3: Anger

Degree 4: Depression

Intermission - Meeting Seokjin

Intermission 02: Min Yoongi

Degree 5: Acceptance

Intermission 03: Hyeri

Degree 6: Moving on

Misconception

Pay The Price

Now you can also purchase the series without having to sign up for an active membership. 😋

Here is the purchase link.

“So, do you have anyone under your radar? Anyone you like?” Yoongi is funnily interested now. It’s probably the most interested he has been in your love-life. 

Again, the reasons stay unaware.  

“Yes. Yes, I do.” You manage to utter, heart already acting wild inside your ribcage. 

“Really? Who is it? Do I know him?” Your best friend perks up. 

Curiosity makes him look so young. You see the young, twenty one years old Yoongi whom you met through Jimin. You see the Yoongi with mint hair too focused on the bottle of your nail polish reading the chemicals that it contains, you see the twenty three year old boy who waited for you at the hospital lobby when you banged your head against the corner of your bed, you see the twenty four year old man who cried like a baby in your embrace when his grandfather passed away - right then you realized you never wanted to see him cry again. Right then you realized Yoongi’s happiness means more to you than your own. 

You see the twenty five year old Yoongi, the Yoongi who made you realize what jealousy is, the Yoongi who made you realize - you had fallen in love with him. 

“It’s you. I am in love with you.” it’s not you, it’s the memories you share with him that makes you speak, that makes you confess. You never meant to say these words without any preparation, you never meant to say these words until you reach your breaking point - maybe you have reached it after five years?

Your chain of thought has clouded your head so much that your mouth ran in its own accord.

And you regret it. 

You regret letting out the truth you have successfully hidden for the past five years because the look you see in Yoongi’s face can’t be compared to anything you have seen before. 

It’s a mixture of disgust, disappointment and hurt.

“W-what? Y/N you can’t-” 

“Why can’t I, Yoongi? Is it forbidden for me to love you?” You chuckle dryly. 

Yoongi closes his eyes, runs a hand through his hair and sighs deeply. “If this is a prank, Y/N, I-” 

“It’s not a prank, Yoongi! I love you! I really do. I have been in love with you for the last five years but you are just too blind to see!”     

Yoongi turns his back towards you, as if looking at your face will pollute his vision now, “I wasn’t blind. I was just-  was just praying to be wrong, Y/N! Damn it! This is not right. You and I, we are friends! This is not-” 

While you have been praying for Yoongi to feel the same, Yoongi has been praying for the complete opposite. As his words sink in your blood, your vision starts blurring. 

“Yoongi, can’t you try?” You plead. Never in your life have you ever considered pleading with anyone for love - but when it comes to Min Yoongi, your resolves don’t last long. 

“No! No, Y/N! I can’t. You are my friend. My best friend. I can’t see you as anything else!” He finally looks at you, looks into you and rows his words deep in your soul. 

Yoongi takes a step back from your figure, then another, then another, “and just so you know… I have someone.” 

With that he walks away in the opposite direction, leaving you behind. 

The first stage of separation is Shock. 

They say shock happens on both physical and psychological level, that it leaves you feeling out of your own body.

As you stare at his retreating figure with tears making a mess on your face, you realize, you just reached the first degree of separation from Min Yoongi - a man who was never yours to begin with.

[forestshadow-wolf]

Soap has a falling out with Gaz and Price. It was in the interest of "they might not agree with me but it will save them", pure unrighted misconception, and the only reason Ghost stayed, even through the fights between Price and Soap and Soap and Gaz, and the dishonorable discharge, and the depression, and the good days and bad ones too. The only reason he stayed is because he was there. He was with soap. Pleading with him not to do it. Begging him not to shatter his life like that. But soap did it anyway because he's too good for his own good, and Ghost wouldn't leave him.

And so only Ghost alone is privy to the way soap lives his life through the interest of others. How he claims his new favorite breakfast is what Price always said his favorite was. How his favorite sweet is the same as Gaz's. He keeps a box of Price's favorite brand of cigars on the mantle, and Gaz's favorite liquor stays in the cabinet, untouched. He knows about the boonie hat that used to be Price's in the dark corner of the closet, and beside it is a stolen cap from Gaz.

And he sees when, years later, Price and Gaz come barreling into their lives once more, on the run and in danger. They hadn't uttered a word to Soap (and only soap) since his discharge. But still he lets them into his home. Gives his food, and clothes, and furniture, and everything he has to them.

And Ghost knows to hold his tongue when Soap wants him to. He knows Soap want him to just let them steamroll him and leave. And he does. Truely, he does. Until they start indulging. Little comments, like how soap must've gotten serious about his smoking as Price takes a cigar and a (now bloody) seat. Or how he's gotten into some bad habbits as he clatters around the liquor until he finds the unopen bottle, and grimes up another chair.

And suddenly Ghost can't stay quiet anymore. Because he watched soap give up his entire life for them. He watched him nearly kill himself for it. And how they won't speak to him, won't text or call him. How they make it clear that they've cut off Soap so entirely, and wholly the opposite for Ghost. And how soap couldn't bear to lose them, but he did anyway, just to see them alive.

[donutsbagels]

Any tips for unique or fun black hair styles that would be low maintenance? I want to create more disabled OCs, especially with depression and chronic fatigue, and lots of these look like they take many hours of work to maintain. Also uhhhhh, in the same vein, if you would know any fun things to do with very loose, find hair curls I’d love to know! I’m white but have very fine, loose curly hair. Ik it’s not at ALL the same, but you seem to know a lot about hair, so I just thought I’d ask.

Oh sure np! BELIEVE it or not my knowledge of black hair has only scraped the surface, I’m by no means an expert but my info mainly comes from maintaining my own hair, and seeing members of my family and black friends of mine maintain their hair too! :D

To answer your question though: For the most part, MOST black hairstyles require a general amount of maintenance— our hair is strong yes, but can also be quite sensitive. Given the background of the oc you described, I’d say protective hairstyles like locs/wicks/free form locs could work. All loc hairstyles require maintenance, but that is primarily a good cleansing soak one to three times a month with backing soda, vinegar, shampoo, and soap + a retwist (retwists depends on the person tho!) Btw, ‘free form locs’ or ‘wicks’ are free grown locs! It’s simply the individual letting their hair loc up on its own, letting it take whatever cool shapes it wants! They require the same maintenance as general locs tho! All these styles are protective, but compared to the MOST maintenance our hair can be, it’s far more mellow. Keep in mind though, a common misconception is that loc hairstyles are just matted hair, they are not— it simply involves using a tool to just loc our hair up so it’s tightened and compressed together! I’ll include some key terms you can look up to make finding refs easier!

- barrel twists black hairstyle

- locs black hairstyle

- wicks black hairstyle

- free form locs black hairstyle

Finally in regard to your hair! Loose curls can be PRETTY flexible! I’d try some dynamic cuts, or cool grunge/punk haircuts tbh! (If you’re into that that is!)

[bouquetface]

Astro Observations 6

Accuracy will be influenced by the ENTIRE chart.

Chiron Aspect Mars

Hurt by masculines. Difficulty expressing your own masculinity. Not feeling masculine enough. Feeling too masculine. 

Repressing anger. Angry crying. Difficulty asserting yourself. 

Often learn to release anger through physical activity. 

Difficult experiences with men & masculinity.

Chiron Aspect Mercury

Difficulty expressing yourself. Difficulty in getting an education. Difficult experiences in school.

Healing through storytelling. Making others feel understood because you know what its like to feel misunderstood.

Complicated relationships with siblings. 

Painful experiences with people gossiping about you. Rumours spread. Misconceptions about you. Your pain is someone else’s entertainment for the day.

Sensitive to what other’s say and think about you.

Chiron Aspect Jupiter

Faking laughter and smiles through painful events. Faking optimism. 

Complicated relationship with religion. Spending a lot of time looking for meaning in your life.

Negative experiences with mentors/teachers. Helping others through becoming the mentor you wanted/needed.

Healing through maintaining a sense of humour. 

Chiron Aspect IC

Broken home - ex: divorced parents, moved around a lot, raised my people who aren’t your bio parents, family dramas.

Inheriting your families traumas. Being the counsellor in your family. 

Feeling “too sensitive” - one wrong comment from a parent and you’re off balance for the day. Family unintentionally pokes at your wounds - bringing up past problems.

Wanting to hide away at home. Feeling you don’t belong anywhere but your bedroom. Feeling safe at night when no one is awake.

You don’t feel grounded. No one to ground you. No place feels like home. Sense of security is wounded. Questioning where do you belong?

Feeling uncomfortable at your core. Uncomfortable with where you come from - your family, hometown, family’s status, your ethnic origins, etc.

Chiron Aspect Saturn

Rigid and cold personality to protect oneself. Pretending you don’t care. 

Feeling people don’t take you serious. Trouble earning respect.

Dislike authority. Dislike responsibility. Feeling you have too much responsibility. Faking incompetence to avoid work/responsibilities.

Being restricted by others. People try to control you. Feeling you don’t meet people’s expectations. Too hard on yourself.

Difficulty accepting fault. Dislike being questioned. Restricting yourself.

Depression. Loneliness. You might be an only child. Difficulty in friendships. 

Dad is depressed. Dad lives with regrets. Dad creates painful situations for you. A pattern of family members being depressed and lonely. 

[feeeeeeeeeesh]

Corvus Corax and the Raven Guards: addressing some common misconceptions and lore [Part I]

Translator's note: This is a translation of a meta essay written by 沈某 in Chinese, originally posted on Jan 2024. The original can be found here, and I have OP's permission to translate and repost this here. The author can also be found on RedNote here. Any further translator’s notes and additions from me will be in purple. There is a second part coming up. The link will be added here once it's done.

Author's note: The characterisation of Corax and his Raven Guards in the canon novels and storyline is quite unique, which leads to the fandom having misconceptions about them. This is not an accusation of any kind, I too was mislead by some of Corax’s actions, but as I learnt more about them I realised there is a lot of contrast in the way they’re characterised, so here I am trying to voice some of my thoughts.

A brief summary

Corax is a depressed goth literature bro

Corax is withdrawn and has a gothic aesthetic, but he is neither depressed nor a literature bro.

2. Corax is a socialist, he is approachable, against class stratification, and promotes freedom

There can’t be any socialists in the Warhammer setting, Corax is against the oppression of the lower class, not the existence of class itself.

3. Corax is a naive baby that got manipulated by the evil tyrannical Emperor

Corax is not naive and stupid, he clearly understands the morality of the Emperor’s actions. He is willing to sacrifice everything for the Emperor’s vision of humanity, and believes that is the reason he was created. The Emperor also trusts Corax completely.

He is also not a hypocrite who serves a tyrant despite his hatred for tyrants. Once again the setting must be considered; Corax’s definition of tyranny is based on abuse of power rather than simply authoritarianism.

4. Corax hates Curze, and looks down on him

Curze thinks everyone hate him, so Corax must hate him too. Before the Heresy Corax did not much of an opinion on anything besides of the Emperor and the Imperium.

5. The original Terran Raven Guards does not obey Corax; he treats them poorly, and discard them when they are no longer useful

Even the Terran Raven Guards that were sent away on independent missions respects Corax greatly. He has already given all his sons enough support and opportunity, and only most obstinate ones died at Gate Forty-Two, and this also pained him greatly.

1. Corax is a depressed goth literature bro

This is a misconception brought about by TTS (If the Emperor had Text-to-Speech Device). TTS itself is a great parody fanwork but many characters that appear in there differs greatly from canon. As many people were introduced to WH through TTS, so it’s expected that there would be misconceptions.

But to be honest, other than the gothic aesthetic, none of the other points there! Are canon!

Corax never said he enjoyed poetry, reading or writing books, he only mentioned in Deliverance Lost that, once the war is over and he retires, he will write a book, and the book will explain the political philosophies he learnt as a child.

“He was a commander, not a governor, and if he had no more battles to fight, he could have happily spent his remaining years, however many hundreds or perhaps thousands that might be, in comfortable retirement; perhaps compiling a treatise on the political lessons he had learned from his mentors on Lycaeus.”

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 6

This is not the same as an author writing a novel, he just wanted to share what he learnt in the form of writing, and it is not stemmed from a love of literature and creation. Another thing is Corax’s final line “nevermore”, which is a reference to The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, but it’s just a reference, and does not mean that Corax loves poetry.

“His mentors on Lycaeus had taught him of poetry, of rhyme and metre and cadence, but he had never quite been able to see the appeal. Poems reminded him too much of the work-songs the prisoners had invented to keep up their spirits while they had hewn with pick and laser drill at the unforgiving stone of the penal colony. The last three lines left Corax feeling disquieted, though, as if the Emperor had suspected that his Imperium could not endure any more than the great empires of mankind’s long history.”

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 7

This is Corax’s reaction upon seeing poetry written by the Emperor. He didn’t have much thought or emotion in response. He saw the poetry and was reminded of songs he heard before, that’s it.

I interpreted this passage slightly differently, but regardless, there is no canon evidence that Corax liked poetry.

If he had the time, he would’ve better spent it making new equipment for his sons

Shortly after his rise to Captain's rank, Kayvaan Shrike won the Contest of Shadows, a bicentennial trial of stealth and ingenuity. In victory, he was permitted to select any item from the Ravenspire's vaults, his to wield in the Emperor's service until his last breath. Such has ever been a generous prize, for Corax often laboured at the forge in the days after Isstvan V, seeking through the sweat of his brow to replenish an armoury so sorely denuded by the treachery of Horus and the unkindness of fate. Indeed, there even now remain many weapons crafted at the Primarch's hands which have yet to gleam in the flames of war, and it may yet be that many never will, save for in that last striving that one day comes to all warriors, where the enemy presses close and one final stand must be made before all slips into shadow.

Raven Guard Codex 8th edition, p.39

Corax busy making equipment for his sons as seen in the Codex

Also, he is not depressed not depressed not depressed, he really does not have depression. His natural tendency is to stay hidden in the dark, he is more comfortable like that, but he knows that others around him need him to appear sometimes, so when he’s not hiding he’s doing work, and when he does hide it’s more like he can’t be bothered pretending anymore.

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation, as appeared in canon

He did exhibit something similar to suicidal tendencies in Weregeld

“It was a mistake,’ he whispered, still kneeling with the Wolf King cradled close to his chest. ‘We were a mistake, brother, I know that now. I see it for myself, in my own blundering. I see it in the eyes of the mistakes I created, just as surely as the Emperor sees it in ours. There is no sense of guilt, only good intentions gone bad.”

Weregeld, Chapter 4

But this isn’t like the usual tendency of someone in great pain who is seeking an end to their suffering, he simply thought that primarchs are a mistake, so his existence as a primarch is wrong, and he should fix it by dying in battle.

His sudden change of mind was because he felt his duty has not ended so he can’t die yet.

TW over

Corax is a withdrawn man with a gothic aesthetic, and if he is truly mad he would not be bothered speak to anyone, but he’s not depressed and definitely not a literature bro.

2. Corax is a socialist, he is approachable, against class stratification, and promotes freedom

This is a bit more complicated to explain, but in Warhammer, human society hasn’t even reached the capitalism stage. All human worlds, no matter how good the living conditions, are still feudal societies with slavery. With that mind, there really can’t be any socialists.

And if we take a closer look, Corax is actually against slavers mistreating their slaves, the upper class wielding power without respecting each individual’s personal worth, and those who take pleasure in causing suffering. He is not against the idea and existence of class itself.

That much Corvus had understood, even if Manrus had spelled it out in no uncertain terms that such political imprisonment was immoral. To remove one’s enemies made sense to Corvus, especially if they could be turned to a more profitable endeavour. It was the condemnation of the families that Corvus had not fully understood. Again, he could perhaps justify the imprisonment of those related to the first agitators and demagogues, because there would be grounds to suspect a criminal’s beliefs might be shared by those around him. What stretched Corvus’s comprehension was the continued internment of those born and raised in the mines.

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 4

Corax can understand punishing dissenters and making them work in mines, but he thinks the prisoners’ descendants should not be responsible for the crimes of their ancestors.

If only it were that simple,’ said Corax. He had not worked out anything, simply remembered it. The Emperor had never attempted to create what Corax sought, and so there was no base of knowledge for him to recall. ‘That still leaves you with seventy-two different gene-strands to analyse.’ ‘A moment, please,’ said Orlandriaz, laying his hand on Corax’s arm as the primarch turned away. Corax glanced down in annoyance at the magos’s clutching fingers, noticing that the tech-priest’s fingernails looked to be made of a dull bronze. Realising his error, Nexin took his hand away and nodded his head in apology.

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 11

Corax has class consciousness; he values the individual worths of his subordinates, so he encourages free thinking and for people to voice their opinions, however not everyone can speak to him as casually as his sons.

The leaders of the Legion remnants assembled by Corax were a mix of line officers and sergeants for the most part, the odd lieutenant amongst them – warriors of higher rank tended to have been closer to their primarchs at the outset of the civil war. Seated around a long table brought into the grand hall for the assembly, they looked at the primarch with a mixture of hope, wariness and awe. He did not stand up, preferring not to overwhelm the delegates with his physical presence. For the same reason, he had not donned his armour but was dressed in a simple bodysuit of light grey beneath a long charcoal-coloured coat. Like the throne upon which he sat, the clothes had been made for him as a token of favour of Naima by Scaratoan craftsmen and women. It had been a long time, over two years Terran-standard, since he had worn much else other than his armour. He had wondered what it would be like, fearing that perhaps he would feel underdressed, but in fact it allowed him to think more like a civil leader than a general.

Ravenlord, Chapter 5

He opted for a plain appearance as to not imitate others so they could speak properly.

‘A thousand disparate pieces, each of purpose and value, brought together under the control of a single mind,’ said Corax. ‘We shall be the same. A machine, an organism. Of many parts working separately, but invisibly, silently bound by common purpose and thought. I do not ask you to swear loyalty to me, for there is no greater oath you have sworn than by your deeds in the name of the Emperor. I do not ask you to become Raven Guard, for the blood of other fathers and the customs of other worlds have shaped you. You are each what you are, individual – but together, indivisible, we will be even greater.’

Ravenlord, Chapter 5

3. Corax is a naive baby that got manipulated by the evil tyrannical Emperor

The variant of this I see more on Tumblr is that Corax is a hypocrite who, despite his hatred for tyrants, is still loyal to the Emperor, the biggest tyrant of them all, but I have seen both. While it’s not completely the same, some of the points here also address the issue on how Corax views the Emperor and why he remains loyal.

This is a very important point; Corax is not a naive baby, he is a primarch that grew up on a prison world. While most of his foster parents are political prisoners, it’s still a grim prison world, with prison guards that abuse the prisoners and gangs. While Corax was protected by his foster parents and friends, he still grew up surrounded by death.

Moritat-Prime Kaedes Nex A dark figure of gruesome repute amongst the tightly-knit survivors of Deliverance, Kaedes is seen as an ill-omen by his brothers. On Kiavahr in his youth he was known as the Blood Crow, an infamous murderer condemned to rot on the moon-prison. There he remained, until Corvus Corax offered him freedom and a pardon if he fought alongside the other rebels and limited his targets to those chosen by his new master. After enduring a painful late transformation to a Space Marine, it was only by the continued favour shown to him by Corax that he remained within the ranks of the Raven Guard, with few of his brothers willing to tolerate his macabre obsession with the hunt. Yet, in the grim shadow-wars fought by the Raven Guard in furtherance of the Emperor's grand plan, his murder-honed skills were employed with grim regularity. When the Raven Guard came to Isstvan V, Kaedes came with them, vanishing into the wastes to stalk the Traitors on his own terms. Nothing is recorded of his role in either the retreat from the massacre or the days that followed, and some maintain that not all of the Traitor craft to later leave Isstvan V carried only the followers of Horus, that Kaedes continued his private war in the shadows of the Horus Heresy.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermination, p.280

Kaedes went to prison for murder as a youth, and later, with Corax’s favour, became part of the Moritat, a unit that does the dirty work behind the scenes.

Corvus was half as tall again as the youths around him, and broader by far, but of all those who had met the guerrilla leader Nathian showed almost no fear. The prisoner’s stare matched Corax’s in its intensity. ‘That’s the boon I bring, ain’t it?’ said Nathian. ‘They think I can be trusted. I run the largest smuggling ring on the wing. A few bribes and words here and there will make it a lot easier for you to be moving stuff around, I’d warrant. And I’m no shirker in a fight. I’m dishonest, but I give you my word, for what it’s worth. I want out of this stinking hole as much as any of this lot.’ ‘He knows too much already – a curse on him and his prying,’ said Agapito. ‘Let’s be rid of him. We’ll put the body in the incinerators next shift.’ Nathian sneered, but did not look afraid. ‘No,’ said Corvus. He looked at Nathian closely, and saw the feral danger behind his eyes. A multiple-killer, aged only thirteen. It was not pleasant, but what Corvus had planned would sometimes need men of cold disposition, not just courage. ‘I can use him. Yes, Nathian – I accept your oath. And make no mistake, I will hold you to it.'

Ravenlord, Chapter 14

Nathian became a gang leader at age 13, and followed Corax during the uprising in Deliverance. Corax knew his moral character was not good, but he admires his ability and wants give him guidance, so he accepted him despite complaints from others.

And some voices, disturbing, demented voices that hovered on the edge of memory. He could not recall what they had said, but was left with an uneasy feeling of defiance and distrust.

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 2

Corax actually had high psychic potential, but he doesn’t delve into it or use it on purpose. In Deliverance Lost, the forces of Chaos actually noticed him before he left the incubation pod, and whispered to him, but he ignore it completely.

‘I speak not of you, but the Emperor. What makes his vision of the galaxy any purer than that of Horus, or yours, or the Mechanicum’s? You may have been the weapon the Emperor used against a galaxy of foes, but it was his power that wielded you, unleashed your Legion against those that opposed him.’ Again Corax was forced to think for a moment, to formulate his reply so that a knot of instinct and simple knowing could be unravelled into something more reasoned. ‘The Emperor is all the things he wishes to be. He has been both tyrannical and compassionate, merciless and merciful. But I have seen into him, and I have touched minds with him in a way no other can. And at the core of what others see is a man of humility and wisdom and learning. He is a man driven by the rational. A tyrant craves domination, but the Emperor carries his power like a burden, the responsibility for all of humanity on his shoulders. He is everything he must be, not out of desire, but from duty and necessity.’

Soulforge, Chapter 4

Corax’s retort against the opinion that the Emperor is a tyrant. He is not denying that the Emperor uses some questionable methods and insisting that he is a faultless saint, but rather stating that the Emperor is both cruel and merciful, but he does not desire to rule over everything, but rather view it as a duty.

Corax does not view the Emperor as a tyrant, as he believes the Emperor‘s methods are a means to an end. In his axioms, he defined tyranny as “force without justice”. In a similar vein to his view on class, he is not against the existence of authoritarian rulers itself but rather the abuse of this power to oppress their people. The setting must be considered when interpreting Corax’s political views. There is no hypocrisy in his loyalty to the Emperor because by his definition the Emperor is not a tyrant.

In yet another convergence of great events, it was in the immediate aftermath of the liberation of the prison moon Lycaeus and the opening salvoes of the atomic bombardment of Kiavahr that the Emperor arrived to reclaim his lost son. Unlike events surrounding so many other such meetings however, the Emperor came alone, and the next day left alone. While it is known that the Master of Mankind and the XIX Primarch spoke for long hours, what passed between them remains a matter of conjecture.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermination, p.133

The Emperor taught Corax to nuke Kiavahr after his arrival on Deliverance, and taught him that sacrifice is necessary in order to achieve his ideals.

In Deliverance Lost, the Emperor arrived after the atomic charges have been dropped in Kiavahr. Corax himself was reluctant to drop the bombs, out of consideration for the innocents, but after input from his friends and mentors, he gave the order in the end. Regardless of the order of events, and who prompted him to drop the atomic charges, this shows that Corax is far from innocent and naive.

He had been too focused on rebuilding the Legion and then striking back at Horus to quell the chattering, but now it was time to make certain truths known. Truths that had been revealed to him directly by the Emperor; truths that even now were hinted at in the recesses of his mind where the last memories the Emperor had passed to Corax still dwelt, like shadows at the bottom of a gorge. He trusted Agapito, and had done so since they had first stood together so many decades ago. Though hot-headed of late, he needed to know the nature of the foes they were now facing; all of the Raven Guard deserved that after suffering so much at their hands. ‘There are creatures that live within the warp,’ said Corax. Agapito nodded in understanding and was about to reply but the primarch cut him off. ‘Things not just in the warp but of the warp. The creatures that can consume a ship if its Geller fields fail. The creatures that the Navigators call the empyrean predators, and the Emperor calls daemons.’ Agapito muttered with distaste while a cruel laugh erupted from Vangellin. The other tech-priests listened with interest, seemingly detached from concern. ‘Yes, daemons,’ said Corax. ‘Beings not of flesh but of the stuff of the warp itself.’

Soulforge, Chapter 4

In Soulforge, The Emperor told Corax about the matter of the warp himself.

Also I just needed to say, most of Corax’s appearances are written by Gav Thorpe, but his primarch novel is written by Guy Haley, who made Corax an idealist with weak grip on reality to serve as a foil for Curze’s primarch novel also written by him. This is very different to how Gav writes him, so this book is a bad reference, due to the discrepancies. Of course there are also discrepancies in the parts of the story written by Gav, and I will mention those when they come.

For anyone who would like to know more about Corax, I strongly recommend you start on Deliverance Lost and not his primarch novel, due to the reasons outlined above. In fact, I would recommend looking at all the HH period novels and short stories first and the primarch novel last, if you are going to read it at all.

As mentioned above, Corax understands the dark side of human nature and of the Imperium. Corax knows that in order for the Emperor to protect more people he must do some things that aren’t very freedom and equality. There is always casualties in war, and Corax is against pointlessly throwing away the lives of soldiers, his goal been to achieve victory while minimising losses.

Sacrificing a small fraction of people to achieve victory is the baseline logic of Warhammer, you can’t say that others can do it but Corax isn’t allowed to because he likes peace and freedom.

Basically, everyone is a war criminal. Corax just has more regard for human life than some other war criminals in this franchise.

There’s also a bit of retconning in terms of Corax and the Emperor written by Gav. In the 40k Carcharadon novels, they mentioned that the Emperor gave Corax an artefact called the Void Glass, which can reveal everyone’s true forms. The Void Glass was first given to Corax by the Emperor, and then Corax gave it to the founder of the Carcharodon chapter for keeping.

Tangata Manu shook his head. 'I know the truth now. The Void Father gave the Glass into the keeping of the Forgotten One to take into the Void and keep it there. It was given to us to be lost, not used!’ The Librarian stared at the Void Glass but he said no words.

Carcharodons - Silent Hunters

This conflicts with the original story written by Gav, where Corax is shaken upon learning about his true nature born of the warp, but in essence still hints that Corax knew some secrets of the Emperor and primarch pretty early on, and shows that the Emperor trust him absolutely and believes he is reliable.

With the benefit of hindsight, some have claimed that the Emperor spoke to Corax of things men, even some other Primarchs, were not yet ready to hear; of the truth of those powers that seethe within the Warp and the darkness soon to come.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermination, p.133

Corax understands the Emperor’s thoughts, he agrees with the Emperor’s vision and is willing to give up everything for it.

4. Corax hates Curze, and looks down on him

This point came from Curze’s primarch novel, where he said he thinks all brothers hate him, so Corax must hate him too. But from the description, Corax was shocked at seeing him killing his sons but didn’t really make a comment, however due to Curze’s habitual defensiveness, he interpreted this as Corax humiliating him publicly.

'Brother,' said Corax. 'I come to you without violent intent, but please, explain to me what is going on in this city. His voice was soft like the Night Haunter's, though not as sibilant, and with a more measured tone. Sevatar refused to let it beguile him. The threat Corax made was clear enough.

Corax broke the silence first. 'What is the meaning of this, my brother?' he said, gesturing metre-long claws at the mess of the slain. 'What happened to your warriors?' Unable to help himself, the Night Haunter snarled. He caught it and turned it into a mocking smile, but not before all present had seen his anger. He was a predator challenged by something just as dangerous. For a moment, Konrad Curze exhibited weakness. 'I happened to them, said Curze evenly. Corax looked over the ruined flesh in the room in disbelief. 'What have you done?' Curze smiled blackly. 'An internal dispute, Lord Corax, he said airily. 'A Legion matter, that I have resolved. You must understand, there are many criminals in your Legion also. You have your ways of dealing with those who stray too far from the bounds of good conduct.’ He poked a blade of Mercy through the shattered eye lens of a helm and held it up for Corax to see. ‘This is mine.’ Corax's eyes lingered on the blood staining Curze's chin. ’Then perhaps you could tell me why you are bombarding this already compliant sector?'

Konrad Curze: The Night Haunter, Chapter 6

So here Curze realised some of his sons are bad and deviated from his idealogies. In order to cover up this crime, he decided to bombard a planet that is already compliant. Corax of course cannot accept this as it is a waste of the Imperium’s resources.

'I do not think anything about you,' said Corax. 'Other than the disgust I feel for your methods. Curze shrugged. 'You may join the line of all the others who feel the same. I don't care. I am exactly as the Emperor intended me to be. Are you really any better than I, Corax shadow-skulker? The Eighth are open in our murders. The Nineteenth are assassins. We are all killers. We are brothers in method as well as in blood.’ 'Our way of war is clean, said Corax. Sevatar found his voice annoyingly lugubrious. Such misery. They said he was raised in a prison, and that accounted for his saturnine demeanour. Sevatar wanted to hurl him into the deeps of Nostramo's hives, so he might better learn what lawlessness was. The primarchs were preening fools, self-obsessed, unable to see the truth for their own, aggrandised woes. Curze was lonely in being true to himself. He was a fiend, but at least he was honest. 'No war is clean. All of them come with a price,‘ Curze continued. 'Some are more obvious than others, that is all, and the price must always be paid.’ Curze sighed, shrinking into himself, bored. 'War's reckoning awaits you. Do you wish to know the cost?' Corax's black, unreadable eyes rested on Curze for several seconds. 'I will return to my ship. Stop this bombardment. The conquest is falling behind schedule. We risk turning the population further from the Emperor's light.’

Konrad Curze: The Night Haunter, Chapter 6

Still from Curze’s primarch novel, and from Sevatar’s biased “only Curze is perfect and always correct” perspective. Corax did not refute that he is a tool of the Emperor, and has the same awareness of the fact as Curze, however Curze’s feelings on this matter are more pointed. Curze minds that his father sees him as a tool, but Corax does not.

And also there’s a major problem here, in that there’s a discrepancy in Corax’s characterisation written by Guy Haley. He wrote that Corax said his wars are clean, but this contradicts every other novel about Corax. As mentioned previously, he does have his own specialised units and methods for doing the dirty work, and of course he understands that no war is clean, and that Curze’s fear tactics are a necessity, but should not be overused. Unless of course by “clean” they meant the battlefield is cleaned well afterwards.

So if we look at this passage carefully, what happened is Corax discovered Curze is doing something in secret, so he came to investigate, and realised Curze was killing a bunch of his sons. He didn’t say you can’t do that, but just asked him why, and also I wouldn’t do that if that was me. And to Curze it’s, you’re humiliating me.

Corax’s opinion of Curze was overall pretty positive pre-Heresy. He doesn’t like it when his legion is compared to the Nigh Lords, but it’s the behaviour not the person. No one likes it when people keep comparing you to someone else. Corax doesn’t like the image of “Night Haunter”, but he has nothing against Curze.

The general interpretation of what “Night Haunter” means to Curze in the CN fandom space is quite different to here, due to language structure, naming conventions and probably translation as well.

One characteristic of Corax is that he doesn’t have subjective opinions of individual people, he forms opinions on people based on their behaviour and then react accordingly. Corax dislikes Perturabo, because he saw how Perturabo has little regard for lives lost during his wars; Corax dislikes Horus, because he saw how there is hidden arrogance in Horus’ friendly demeanour, and how he was making things difficult on purpose for Corax’s subordinates. But Corax didn’t have such a reason to dislike Curze. Curze may be difficult to get along with, but he does everything for the Imperium, so to Corax he is a brother, just one with a different style who can be temperamental at times.

EX TENEBRIS Ex Tenebris is a masterwork bolter fitted with an incredibly sophisticated telescopic scope system. Chapter legend has it that the weapon was forged by Corax himself, as a gift for his wayward brother, the Night Haunter. But the Horus Heresy turned the two Primarchs’ Legions against one another, and Ex Tenebris was instead borne into battle by heroes of the Raven Guard.

Raven Guard Codex 8th edition, p. 58

Corax is not the type of person who would actively try and form close relationships with people. He prefers to act alone, and there is usually a clear purpose for his actions. Even for Guilliman whom he does like, it’s only on the level that he has a good impression of him and wants to learn about administration from him. So Corax actually wanting to give a gift to Curze can be interpreted as having a decent opinion of him.

People like saying that Corax likes comparing himself to Curze, but Curze actually does that more, and Corax doesn’t just compare himself to Curze, he also thought about his similarities to Angron. In his eyes they are all primarchs, and whatever flaws the traitor primarchs had he must have too, and that’s what concerned him.

Each of those parts that they put into me, I gave to each of you,’ the Emperor had said. Corax had asked who had put what into the Emperor but he had shaken his head and refused to answer, telling Corax that it was not important anymore. Reunited with his primarchs, he would be whole once again. The Raven Guard’s leader wondered what part of the Emperor had been put into a beast like Angron. He shuddered to think what Horus had promised the World Eater in return for his betrayal of the Emperor. Conquest, no doubt, and glory in battle. Angron had craved these things more than any other primarch, though Corax and his brothers had all been created with a fierce military pride. What else, Corax thought. What do you gain from this rebellion against the Emperor?

Raven’s Flight

‘We have been touched by forces beyond the Emperor’s own design – you know this, brother, as well as I do. No good comes from that which in evil is born, no matter the purpose or cause. I look at Curze and see myself. Do you find Angron in your reflection? How thin is the veneer that keeps us loyal, keeps us civilised? But for chance, it seems, any of us might now have crossed that line. Does the line even exist, or do we simply draw it in front of us as suits our own vanity?’

Weregeld

‘He made us what we are, but I cannot divine his purpose any more,’ said Corax. ‘Do you think we have failed?’ ‘We conquered the galaxy in his name, brother. We brought humanity into the light from the darkness of Old Night. He created us for that purpose and no other.’ ‘The Emperor also created Horus and made him Warmaster,’ countered Corax, unsettled by Dorn’s words. ‘He brought the likes of the Night Haunter into his plans.’ ‘What else could he have done?’ said Dorn. ‘Curze is one of us, though perhaps a victim of circumstances none of us can even imagine. I know better than anyone exactly what he is capable of.’ Corax nodded grimly. ‘The likes of Curze and Angron were broken from the start. You know the ultimate sanction open to the Emperor. He could have–’ Dorn raised a hand before he could finish. ‘I find your doubts disturbing, brother.’ The wrinkles on his forehead deepened further in annoyance as he gazed across the shuttle port, his fists clenched by his sides. ‘It is still the Emperor’s will that mankind become the masters of the galaxy.’

Deliverance Lost, Chapter 7

This part is when Corax and Dorn discuss their brothers in Deliverance Lost. On the surface Dorn seem quite calm, and Corax is very aggressive calling Curze and Angron broken, but that’s because this is after the drop site massacre, and while Dorn knows what they did at Isstvan V, he wasn’t there to witness it.

From Corax’s perspective, the primarchs are tools created by the Emperor, and if a tool rebelled against its master then it’s a failed work, he didn’t meet the Emperor’s expectations so he’s also pretty much failed. So his main point isn’t actually hating Curze or Angron personally, but rather than he should’ve recognised the problem earlier and dealt with it.

5. The original Terran Raven Guards does not obey Corax; he treats them poorly, and discard of them when they are no longer useful

This is a more complicated problem, and we first need to address the story before.

Before Corax’s return, the XIXth legion was managed by Horus. Horus managed the legion for 140 years, but there’s only around 80 years between Corax’s return and the Heresy, so for those legionaries who have served longer than their primarch, it’s expected that they would have different opinions about Corax’s orders. Not just on the issue on experience, they may be older than their gene-father in age.

With that in mind, while there seems to be come conflict between Corax and many Terran Raven Guards, with him sending them away to distant sectors, but there is no novel actually saying Corax hated them and left them to their own devices, instead he gave them enough supplies and trust to let them complete their missions.

Corax knelt beside the body of a Raven Guard, his chestplate rent open, his ribcage splayed. His armour bore the markings of a veteran, one of those that had come from Terra and made Deliverance his new home.

Raven’s Flight

There isn’t a large population on Deliverance for recruitment, so even by the point of the Heresy, most Raven Guards are still Terran recruits. And by this point there isn’t such a large rift between the Terran-born and Deliverance-born; the Terrans see Deliverance as a second home.

The main issue with Corax’s treatment of Terran Raven Guards is at the Battle of Gate Forty-Two. Here Horus was clearly trying to suppress Corax’s influence, because Corax was the only primarch who disliked him before the heresy. Perturabo also took this opportunity to fan the flames, and in the end Russ told Corax he should listen to the Warmaster, as the Warmaster represents the Emperor.

In answer, Perturabo accused Corax of seeking to avoid battle, a crime verging on dereliction for a Primarch of the Legiones Astartes. The two very nearly came to blows, with only the intervention of Leman Russ staying bloodshed. The Wolf King counselled Corax to heed the words of the Primarch who the Emperor had set above his brothers. Russ urged Corax to smother his bitterness, but not to extinguish it, and from that guttering flame kindle the fire to carry the battle through. Taking his leave of the council, Corax mustered the Raven Guard before Gate Forty-Two. Knowing their particular demeanour would carry them forward, Corax assigned many of his Terran-dominated companies to the van, in particular those whose captains appeared the most willing to play their part in the Warmaster’s plan.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermimation, p. 135

Corax didn’t want to waste the lives of his warriors in a frontal charge, but he still accepted the views of those Terrans who are used to being under Horus’s command, and he charged at the front with them.

The assault that followed was hailed as the Legion’s darkest hour, a grim honour that, tragically, would be displaced just a few years later at Isstvan V. At the height of the battle, the assault companies decimated and the attack faltering in the face of overwhelming fire, Corax himself led the forlorn hope, his battle cry firing the Legion to such efforts that the breach was carried and Gate Forty-Two taken. The honour of slaying the Unsighted Kings was claimed by Horus as Warmaster and at the moment of their execution, the xenos’ hold over the population was dispelled. The Akum-Sothos Cluster was delivered and the Warmaster’s prize was reclaimed. The cost was terrible however, for not only had countless millions of hosts been crippled in mind and body, but thousands of Raven Guard, the bulk of them Terran-born, had given their lives before the shattered walls. Though the Battle of Gate Forty-Two was counted a victory by (and indeed for) the Warmaster, its effects were far reaching. The Legion’s numbers were sorely depleted, leaving only 80,000 Legionaries under the Primarch’s command and making it the smallest of the Legiones Astartes. Corax removed himself and his Legion from his brother’s command, swearing bitterly never to serve alongside the Warmaster again.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermimation, p. 135

Horus commanded Corax to sacrifice his sons at the front and then stole the kill, and even if some Terran Raven Guards did gave their lives willingly, Corax was greatly pained by this, and he certainly did not sending them to their deaths on purpose. Corax doesn’t like certain slaver behaviours seen on some Terran Raven Guards, usually commanders, but normal Raven Guards to him are all good warriors, and should not die in vain.

One last consequence of the Battle of Gate Forty-Two lingers still. In its aftermath, those line officers who, before the coming of the Primarch, had served for so long under Horus’ command were gone, and so the Warmaster was able to exert little in the way of influence over the Raven Lord’s Legion. Many of these Terrans had been inducted into the warrior lodges, and with their deaths these unseen bodies all but vanished from the Raven Guard. It has been claimed by his detractors that in assigning the Terranborn Legionaries to the assault wave that would suffer the greatest losses, Corax did his Legion a service, consolidating his power and paving the way for a future more in line with his own vision. As a result, the Legion was largely spared the wave of insurrection that was transmitted through so many of the Legions by the hidden auspices of the lodges.

The Horus Heresy Book III Extermimation, p. 135

From another perspective, even though there seems to be so much conflict between Corax and Terran Raven Guards, there weren’t any Raven Guards that chose to defect to Horus during the Heresy. Most Terran Raven Guards, upon hearing the news, chose wither to return and defend Terra, or sought revenge from traitors because they thought their primarch is dead. If Corax was really so cold-blooded, then most of the Terran Raven Guards would’ve chosen to follow Horus during the Heresy. The Raven Guards are assertive and knew who was good to them, so even the Ashen Claws, who were on very bad terms with him, chose to go renegade instead of following Horus.

After addressing the issue of Corax‘s treatment of Terran Raven Guards, I will address the idea that, because Corax was too nice to his sons, he lacks authority and cannot manage them.

Firstly, Corax returned very late, and by the time he has returned, the XIXth legion already has a terrible reputation, with problems in many areas. Corax needed to manage his legion in the Great Crusade and trying to fix all of the problems of his Raven Guards. Under this condition, the fact that there wasn’t a rebellion within the legion during the heresy is a pretty remarkable achievement. Some people will use Sanguinius as a rebuttal against this, but Sanguinius is supposed to have outstanding charisma. And if you are using Sanguinius as the standard for legion management, then any legion where there is anyone not listening to the primarch also fails, not just Corax.

Secondly, Corax is a primarch that values the individuality of his subordinates and respects their personalities. He wants every warrior to have self awareness and independent thought, that way in the absence of a leader they can quickly regroup and continue the battle. A feature of the Raven Guards is that they can quickly split up, fight in groups, and then regroup at a key moment, still in sync. So Corax would listen to the thoughts and ideas of all his subordinates, then give them an overall direction.

‘And what is strength?’ ‘True strength comes from knowing one’s own value is dependent upon the value of others,’ said Arendi. It had been only a short time since he and the other survivors of the primarch’s guard had arrived, but already he showed signs of returning health. His face was filling out, eyes brighter, skin smoother. ‘It is recognising the bond between us all and acting together for the cause of all.’

‘A thousand disparate pieces, each of purpose and value, brought together under the control of a single mind,’ said Corax. ‘We shall be the same. A machine, an organism. Of many parts working separately, but invisibly, silently bound by common purpose and thought. I do not ask you to swear loyalty to me, for there is no greater oath you have sworn than by your deeds in the name of the Emperor. I do not ask you to become Raven Guard, for the blood of other fathers and the customs of other worlds have shaped you. You are each what you are, individual – but together, indivisible, we will be even greater.’

‘Perhaps for the Raven Guard,’ said Damastor Kyil, an artificial lung wheezing as he drew in a breath. ‘Not all of us grew up in a prison, nor spent years fighting far from the command of our primarchs. You take that culture for granted, Lord Corax.’ ‘I do not,’ the primarch replied. ‘You will soon each have first-hand experience of the fighting I describe. And you will have close acquaintance with those that have been terrorised into submission. I demand no promise or oath beyond that you accompany us on our next attack and learn from the Raven Guard how to wage the war we must now fight. After that, you are free to go your own ways, to attempt to return to Terra or other home worlds as you choose, or to remain under my command.’

Ravenlord, Chapter 5

Corax teaching the followers at hand, from Ravenlord. Corax’s style has always been to lead the people into battle, giving them strength and knowledge in the process. When he is sure they can progress on their own, he will release his grip on them, and let them move forward on their own.

It’s the principles of “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.’, which is how he’s always educated his sons. So the more he trusts them, the more likely he will send them away. By 40k, the Raven Guards also use this method to manage the worlds they’ve liberated, leaving after ensuring that the people can defend themselves.

The precise means of liberation vary from world to world. If the corruption is centralised, the Darkened Blades employ the lightning assaults common to the Adeptus Astartes, mustering overwhelming power against the unready foe. More often the oppression is endemic, however, and must be confronted on a continental or even planetary scale. In such cases, the 6th Company divide into subformations and mount fast-moving guerrilla actions to make optimal use of their limited numbers. Meanwhile, local resistance forces are trained in those aspects of the shadow arts that any Imperial citizen can grasp, so that they might support the Raven Guard operation and contribute to their own deliverance. The Raven Guard cannot remain on a world forever, and their desire is to leave a liberated populace who can look to their own defence.

Raven Guard Codex 8th edition, 6th Company “The Darkened Blades”, p. 17

[kamisamabest]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

also known as "a collective name for 'abusive piece of shit asshole stupid toxic fuckers'"

smh

Common misconceptions about NPD :

"Narcissists don't have hearts! They only love themselves!"

Wrong. Shocking but pwNPD are still capable of having a heart and loving someone. I know countless pwNPD in healthy relationships with their partners. pwNPD might show love in other ways,as we are disordered people whose perception of multiple things are way different than an egotypical's.

"NPD isn't real! Narcissism is just excessive self love!"

Wrong. NPD is a very much real thing that comes from childhood abuse and neglect. It is a disorder for a reason,and we are traumatized. (of course it can be genetic but i won't be talking about that)

Narcissism isn't the "i love myself so much i always kiss myself on the mirror i have portraits of myself on the walls" thing. Narcissism NPD is basically someone masking as having a huge ego and thinking of themselves as superior to everything and anything because they have a low self-esteem that ruins their life. In fact,even the slightest mistake makes me and other narcissists crash out hard.

"All narcissists are evil! They don't care about anyone!"

Faulty. We are actually very capable of caring about people,we simply keep it for people we deem worthy of it. pwNPD can be very nice and kind, especially covert type narcissists. I myself have helped countless people.

As for the "People we deem worthy" part, pwNPD have"inner hierarchies". We may not care about a stranger on the street. But we care about people we deem equal/chosen/close to us. Some pwNPD including me think about their chosen/equal people as an extension of themselves and accept them as worthy as we are.

While pwNPD might be bad people,not every single one of them are. There are,like,thousands of people that have this disorder and not all of us are the same.

"Narcissistic abuse is real! Narcissists are evil and abusive!"

Oho ho,not only wrong but ableist! Narcissistic abuse isn't a real thing. If it is,then ptsd abuse/depression abuse/autistic abuse/neurotypical abuse and all other [disorder] abuse is also real, which they aren't because a disorder cannot abuse you and every single person with a disorder aren't the same.

People think that saying narcissistic abuse isn't real is invalidating their trauma but it isn't. If it invalidates someone's trauma, it's actually pwNPD's. If you go to any trustworthy site and look up types of abuse, narcissistic abuse won't be there,because it isn't real. Call it what it is: emotional abuse,or whatever abuse you went through,because narcissistic abuse isn't real.

In fact,people preaching about narcissistic abuse and selling stuff about how to cope with narcissists are the real people invalidating you and your struggles. They benefit off of your trauma and the stuff you went through by invalidating tons of other traumatized people with a disorder they cannot control and manipulate you into thinking it is real.

And here's the thing: a person cannot control their disorders. They cannot control which disorder they form and which they don't. And NPD forms from severe childhood trauma. The traumatized person you're shitting on did not choose to have that disorder,and they didn't sign up for your bullshit about them being evil because they formed a disorder out of their control.

If you are a neurodivergent person/person with a cluster b personality disorder/person with NPD and actively contribute to narcissistic abuse,you are also ableist. You having a disorder doesn't mean you can't be ableist to other disordered people,because you are: simply because they have a disorder. "I have NPD and I use it!" you are contributing to your own and your folk's oppression. This doesn't make you any better.

People with NPD are also traumatized,they do not control what disorder they form and what disorder they don't. Quit being an asshole to people just because they have a disorder and quit demonizing them.

[tonguetiedraven]

Yukio requires a lot of critical reading from the get go

And if you're only starting that critical reading once Satan bums a ride in his eye, you're much too late.

He also requires a willingness to acknowledge that sometimes the character that annoys you has reasons even if you don't like them, and sometimes you're too biased about your favorite character and boy oh boy has Rin gotten caught up in this lack of critical engagement to. The story is more complex than victim and abuser and that simplification robs the story and Rin and Yukio of their richness and complexity.

This is going to be several parts and will be taking deep dives into some of the most important Yukio interactions that explain his story and character and beats that I think get often overlooked or misunderstood entirely. It will be entirely manga based because the animes take a fairly anti-yukio stance in several instances and seem to intentionally pick paths to mangle his character. The first anime mostly. But man did it do that to a lot of characters. None so badly as Yukio though.

It's fine to dislike the character, but darn it he deserves you at least disliking the real him.

Yukio Okumura is one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized people in Kato's world (if not the most misunderstood, though sometimes I think Rin should get that slot because man people will just not read any of his flaws or short comings.) By both sides of the arguments, typically.

He is an immensely complex character who is messy, depressed, armed to the teeth, suicidal, brilliant, exhausted, livid, abused, abusive, eternally rocking a customer service smile, aware of the world in a way most of his peers simply aren't, and not always sympathetic. He is a teenager who has to act like an adult, the twin brother (but more often babysitter) of Rin, and the boy who doesn't fit in anywhere.

Probably the most frequently disliked character in the anime/manga as well, which is amazing with the cast of vile human-experimentation committers we've got, and when Ernst Egin is just walking around in the anime sullying Yuri's last name and being an awful character.

In my last essay on Blue Exorcist, I stated that most people's characters misconceptions started with the Kyoto arc, but for Yukio, we're going to have to go back a bit further. We have to go back to chapter two.

Chapter two is Rin, who has figured out he's Satan's son and has sworn to become the greatest of exorcists to defeat Satan and knows nothing about exorcisms or defeating Satan or even Satan at this point, who hasn't figured out that Mephisto is a demon or that Yukio is an exorcist, has been told to hide his flames and to either hide the tail, ears, and fangs, or make up some kind of story about them that doesn't involve Satan and his flames, is trying to sit through the orientation and is only kind of going along with it at all because Rin, our main pov character, has the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel and the impulse control of one as well at this point of the story. It makes him a great character to read from because he kind of skips over any lore drops that would be dull and lets us, the reader who is clueless about this world, find out things as they're important.

We were introduced to Yukio in the previous chapter and found out that he was Rin's younger and more successful twin. That he wants to be a doctor and was heading to True Cross.

This chapter, as Rin is sitting at the orientation, we find out that Yukio is smart.

Yukio is smart. He is the representative for the entire class, and we will find out that he managed to get that rank and position while maintaining a side job as an exorcist. He beat out every other student in this rich school while having a side job and awareness of a secret world that only a small percentage of people know about. He is a remarkable and driven student who is almost always thinking several steps ahead of Rin, the character we're mostly viewing this manga through.

That is the easiest thing to forget about Yukio. He is almost always aware of things Rin is not and almost always thinking of a bigger picture or a different picture than Rin is. That does not mean he is always correct, but he is almost always working off a dataset that Rin is not even aware of the existence of. He is playing 3d and sometimes (4D chest when Mephisto is involved) and Rin is still grappling with the regular 2D chess rules. He has always lived in the world of demons and by all likelihood known about who/what Rin and himself are since he was very little. We don't know the exact age he was told the story, but we know he has known it for a long time.

Another very important thing to take from this section, and the main reason I'm posting these particular panels is because it tells us how Rin sees his little brother at this point. His first thought when he see Yukio excelling is that his younger brother was always a crybaby who needs protection and couldn't stand up for himself or his dreams.

Rin is stuck in this false perception of his twin. Even though he can acknowledge that his twin is really smart, he struggles greatly with accepting that fact and even more with ever listening to his twin because for most of his life, Yukio was a cry baby that got bullied a lot and needed someone to stick up for him.

Yukio was those things, and we know from Yukio's own mouth much later in the manga that Yukio despised being that way and still fears that he is that way. That he is weak and pathetic and can't be strong.

Rin goes off from this orientation with the determination that his twin will graduate, become a doctor, and never have to find out about demons and the dark side of the world, and he runs into Mephisto who transforms into a dog in front of him, and God Bless Rin's heart, he just kind of assumes that's a thing some exorcists can do and does not clue into the fact that Mephisto is a demon and will not until Mephisto flat out tells him it.

Rin misses a lot of things. He is not that smart of a character. He is a great character, and he has a fantastic heart and a lot of wonderful character development, but picking up on details and critical thinking are not his strong suits, so we can't always trust his view point.

Rin can be wrong and often is.

Rin goes into cram school, meets the rest of his class who awkwardly stares at him as he takes a seat at the front of the class with dogphisto and they wait for the teacher who turns out to be none other than Yukio Okumura.

Yukio Okumura who does in fact know about the demonic world. In fact:

Yukio has been an exorcist since he was thirteen.

Rin makes a scene, because of course he did. His twin just flipped his entire world upside down and now not only did Rin's adoptive father know a whole lot of things that he never told Rin, Rin's twin did too.

It is important to remember that Mephisto has dictated how Rin's entire day has gone at this point. Yukio's story is heavily tied with Mephisto's manipulation, and that is often over looked by readers of this story, and I cannot stress enough that Mephisto is manipulative. He has pushed and controlled most of the characters in this story and he has done a lot of manipulation, both subtle and blatant, of Rin and Yukio. From the times they meet to the lessons they learn to the money they earn to the place they live, Mephisto's hand is in EVERYTHING.

He was the reason they had little to no time to talk before the school day started and absolutely the reason Rin didn't know Yukio was teaching this class until the entire class knew Yukio was their teacher. Yukio was given Shirou's class to teach by Mephisto, and he has already been given very specific orders on how to treat Rin and what specifically to do. Shirou has also given Yukio very specific instructions on what to do with Rin and how to take care of him.

Anyway, Rin makes a scene but the lesson forges forward with Mephisto and Yukio explaining things to the class, Rin, and us the reader. We learn about temptaints and that their classroom is a goblin nest and Rin holds his opinions and questions in for a few seconds but busts and once again makes a scene.

Yukio tells him plainly that he's seen demons since he could crawl which clues us the audience (and Rin) in on the fact that Yukio has always known about demons. We also learn that he has been training since he was SEVEN. Yukio has spent more of his life training and being an exorcist than he hasn't.

He tells Rin that the only one that didn't know about demons (and their parentage) is Rin. This is obviously shocking, and traumatizing, and a really blunt and honestly mean way to tell Rin this. There are reasons for that we'll get to in a minute.

(This has got to be the most awkward of classes for the other students. I'd be dying of second hand embarrassment xD)

Rin grabs Yukio, the vial is dropped, and goblins start popping out of the ceiling, walls, and just everywhere. The first-day students are immediately overwhelmed because half of them still can't even see the demons, and Yukio immediately springs into action. He takes out the hobgoblins that are the biggest danger and ushers the vulnerable and ill-prepared students outside the room so he can properly exorcise it, maturely takes blame for the entire thing (even though it is easily his and Rin's fault) but Rin won't go out because a BIG part of Rin's character is pushing for immediate conversations when he's frustrated or mad.

It's a positive and negative trait of his. He refuses to wait on conversations when he wants to have them, but he also refuses to have a conversation at all if he doesn't want to. He seldom takes the other person's pov into view on these until much later in the manga after a lot of development, and he's not great at hearing the other person he's conversing with. He makes a lot of assumptions and puts them on the other person until they clarify in some way, if they do. This means that we the readers can be left assuming incorrectly if we're not paying attention.

Mostly posting that moment because Rin getting chewed on is hilarious and cute but also to point out that Yukio is basically choosing the path to most irritate Rin here. He's refusing to engage the conversation and basically treating Rin as a nuisance who is in his way while he's trying to solve a problem.

As a side not, Rin is very much in the way here. Yukio could quickly clear this up without Rin being a talkative demonic chew toy.

This talk is a vital one to understand the twins and their dynamic until after the Kraken arc. It is, I would say, one of the three most important twin moments until the Kraken arc. It is also one a lot of people don't take time with because they're (understandably!) upset about what Yukio is saying and how he's saying it, and how heartless it feels at first glance.

This conversation is entirely about Rin. Rin asks how Yukio feels about him and doesn't ask how Yukio feels in general. (That's not how these twins operate.)

It is heavily implied that Yukio was told that if Rin were to be unsealed, Rin would no longer be Rin. That he would become someone, something far different and dangerous. He would be violent and wild and evil and he would have to be put down. It is heavily implied that Yukio was taught by Shirou to try and guard Rin and keep him sealed at whatever cost, and if he was unsealed for some reason, it would be on his shoulders to take Rin out if Shirou couldn't do it himself.

Yukio calls Rin a fool and asks why he wants to be an exorcist. Does he want revenge? Or does he want to atone? If he wants to atone, then he should turn himself in as the son of Satan or just die.

Rin hears all that and asks Yukio if Yukio thinks he's to blame for Shirou's death. Yukio asks if he'd be wrong if he did. We also get this wild lore drop that becomes a big deal much later on in the manga but we don't really fully grasp at this point

Yukio knows. Yukio knows that Shirou has been possessed by Satan before and has been fighting him for fifteen long years and has never stopped being targeted.

Also I have to point out that Yukio just never stops shooting and killing the hobgoblins in this entire scene and Rin is on fire and whacking a few with his bagged sword but not really doing anything about them at this point.

The talk culminates in this moment.

This is a shocking moment. It sounds very much like Yukio does blame Rin and possibly should blame Rin, and more than that, as Rin is drowning in guilt and grief he won't let himself confront over Shirou, Yukio aims his gun at Rin and calls him 'big brother.'

"You killed father Fujimoto!"

Yukio says that to Rin, and Rin gets mad that Yukio is pointing his gun at him (can't confront the grief and guilt yet and won't except in pieces at our most broken spots until much much later) and charges at Yukio shouting at him to shoot--

And Yukio--

Doesn't.

I am positive at this moment Yukio broke his script and was indeed supposed to shoot Rin. Whether or not he was meant to, he doesn't.

Rin destroys the hobgoblin behind Yukio that was gearing up to tear into his little brother, and turns to look back at Yukio.

"Don't insult me. I'd never fight my little brother." (I think there's a lot that could be said about Rin not fighting him but the demon being all gun ho for it but that's an entirely different discussion)

Rin declares that while looking like a demon. He has the sword drawn so the demonic features are entirely there. The fangs, the ears, the eyes, the flames, everything.

Yukio looks forward and down again (we learn Mephisto is still here, because of course he is. He's directing this scene.) Yukio asks how Shirou was at the end. (I hear: "Was he brave? Was he still our dad?" in that question. "Did he become something else? Did Satan win in the end?"

The answer is no. Satan destroyed his body, but Shirou won.)

This. This is such an important moment so oft glanced over. The amount of times both these boys long to be strong and hate themselves for being weak and see the strength in the other or completely miss it, the essays that could be written on that know no ends.

And Yukio?

He smiles, It's not much, and it's laced with a heavy kind of sadness, but it's there and it's relieved and accepting. He tells Rin a powerful truth, one Rin doesn't understand the weight of at all, and one we the readers also don't get at this point, but he tells Rin that he also became an Exorcist to be strong.

They both take a moment to notice that the schoolroom is just wrecked to hell. The hobgoblins did a number and Rin's flames finished that number.

Yukio is warning Rin. Rin never thinks things through. He is an impulsive puppy who gets himself in situations and keeps charging forward, trampling things in an attempt to solve them again. He speaks without ever thinking and he acts with his emotions, which are why his flames are so often out of control. Yukio is warning him about all of that and that the harsh words he spoke will follow Rin from everyone if he pursues this path.

"Think it through," he's saying, "be sure."

Rin says bring it on and grins and calls Yukio teach and it's a cute moment.

THEN WE GET TO THE MOST IMPORTANT SCENE THAT THE ANIME CUT OUT

And why they did it I don't know and it makes me want to scream because it has made so many people miss so much about Yukio and Mephisto and the manipulative bastard Mephisto is. (That is said fondly and exasperatedly. I'd punch the hell out of Mephisto if I knew him in real life and I thoroughly enjoy reading about the bastard.)

This was a test. Mephisto is putting both twins to the test. Yukio is to keep an eye on Rin and make sure he stays Rin. That he doesn't become a rampaging demon and doesn't turn into a second blue night. (We the readers don't actually know what Satan did that was so terrible outside of, you know, killing Shirou and trying to take Rin to Gehenna but we'll find out more and more and more as the manga goes. Yukio already knows and has since he was at least seven. He has slept in the same room as Rin and known his twin was temporarily sealed in Kurikara and that if the seal broke, Rin could become an utter monster.

No one knew what Rin would be when the seal was broken and he had his heart again. They knew at the very least that the Vatican would want him dead, and that if he wasn't a feral monster, they'd have to hide him.

(And I for one would not want that responsibility. I love Rin and think he's a great character but he cannot listen to orders and has no sense of danger and consequences and the thought of trying to keep those flames and his mouth contained would make me crumble under anxiety and dread.)

Anyway, Yukio and Mephisto have very clearly been in talks and we'll see a few chapters later during a certain reaper attack that Mephisto has given Yukio orders about protecting Rin and being ready to take Rin out if he's at risk.

Yukio remembers as he's talking to Mephisto, and we see the moment the little seven year old started his training, and he's so small it hurts.

Also woah on the lore drop. What do you mean, Shirou? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?????

Anywho, Yukio is told he could protect Rin, and of course the boy who has always been bullied and frightened by things that aren't just humans would jump at the chance to protect his fearless big brother.

And thus, Yukio's fate is sealed and Mephisto moves a piece forward on the board.

The chapter ends with Rin going to his new dorm room in the old and abandoned dorm, and Yukio is there too. Their now roommates.

Before this moment, Yukio had a room in the nice dorm with his fellow students. He was actually Ryuuji's roommate, or he was going to be. Before he became a full time teacher on top of a full time exorcist and the top student. Now he is all of that and a full time babysitter directly responsible for protecting Rin, which essentially means not letting Rin's secret get out.

Now most people who watch or read this chapter take the argument at face value and leave it with a deep rooted feeling that Yukio was cruel and unfair. I'd remind those readers that Yukio came home to Shirou very very dead and Rin very very demon, and that Mephisto separated them and told Yukio to take a teaching position his very newly dead dad was meant to have. That Yukio had moved out to his own space apart from Rin for the first time in his life the day of his father's death, and the day he was supposed to start forging his new identity not revolving around Rin, his identity and life became even more tied to Rin.

Yukio is a character who has never gotten a life to live that was his own and free and has always been seen by those around him (and himself) as weak. He despises that and fears himself to still be the small crying boy who was terrified of the dark and needed his brother to protect him. From the very get go Kato lets us know that Yukio is smart and he is the one with all the responsibilities, and he is in direct conversations with Mephisto. He is placed in a position of authority over Rin, but Rin is not told this and will never accept Yukio being in a position of authority over him. That on the first day of his high school life, he agrees to take on the role Shirou had in both teaching and guarding Rin.

He threatens his brother but does not shoot him. He calls him a demon and brother. He accuses him of killing their father and asks what their father was like at the end. He tells his brother that 'just die' will follow him wherever he goes but calls them the same at the same time. He tells Rin to get control of his flames and then treats him like the rest of the students.

He tells a lot of half truths, but shares a vital one in trusting Rin to know that Yukio too thought himself weak. (Still thinks himself weak.)

Yukio is not one thing. He is a multitude of complex things and at this point, the reader is only just starting their journey with him, and there are far more dramatic and horrifying things awaiting him.

But that's the next part. For now, I ask that you take a second look at chapters you think are familiar, and for the love of critical reading, ask yourself what the other characters who are not Rin know and are thinking. The story is so much richer when you look at them all.

To keep seeing my updates on this and my other aoex analysis/thoughts, check out my #raven ramble tag