#Do gay men need their own flag? If everyone else needs their own flag then I say yes. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thekatebridgerton · 7 months

Text

More humorous takes about the Bridgerton brothers that make me laugh is that I cannot stress enough, how much I love their 'unhinged for wife' energy. Because it's just so funny

Anthony, like, you can see it, he's not even trying to hide it, he can and will be a meanie to his nemesis Kate who he also happens to love more than life itself, and to everyone if they don't fall in line. that's his whole mojo. People meet him and know at first glance that Anthony Bridgerton will not hesitate to use a gun if the occasion calls for it, because he outright intimidates people into submission. So good luck trying to mess with him or with his wife. He will end you. Have you seen him play against his wife in Pall Mall. He loves her, but he will not lose to this woman! She will one day respect him!. He's the boss of the house dammit (he's not, it's Kate, but she lets him think he is)

Colin is my favorite. because he looks nice and he looks friendly, and he would totally sink to the deepest of the low to have Penelope the moment he kissed her. This man is absolutely as unhinged as Anthony possibly more so, and he hides it so well, that everyone thinks he's the most charming brother. In fact the only person who knows how crazy Colin really is, has to be Penelope. Colin can talk his way out of anything (even a murder sentence. Do you ever wonder why nobody has ever sued Penelope for defamation? Because I sure don't), he's a people person. It's maddening, I want to convince people that Colin is the worst of the worst, and people are still like 'but he looks like such a harmless guy, just look at him eat that eclair' yeah! I know! that's how he got to Penelope! he was all cute, pretending to be nice and by the time she discovered he was the devil in disguise, he already had blackmail material on her!!. Men like Colin scare me, because I know he's bats*t but I just can't prove it.

Benedict and Gregory are just the same version of unhinged, just in a different font. Because they actually believed themselves to be the sane ones and then they met their true loves and you see that sanity? it went out the window.

Benedict used to think he was such a gentleman, who respected ladies and would never dishonor one, and guess what kind of obsessive idiot he turned into the moment Sophie said 'no' to his seduction tactics, be my mistress this, be my mistress that, Sophie ( and I) just knows Benedict's thought process alone should be landing him in jail instead of her, but he gets away with it, because apparently annoying her to death doesn't actually count as a crime. And the thing is, that she's the only one who triggers the crazy in Benedict, he's perfectly sane with everyone else, but it's her and only her who has him going all naked swimming in the lake, and obsessive paintings of her face plastered on all his sketchbooks (and his home, actually I'm pretty sure Benedict has a secret Lady in Silver shrine somewhere in My Cottage, that he took down before Sophie could find out about it) , not to mention his whole 'F society if I can't f Sophie' love at first sight excuse that somehow everyone swallows without questioning how crazy Benedict actually is.

And then he had to go teach that to Gregory! And Gregory was such a sweetheart, I actually thought he was going to make it to half of his book without going unhinged and then Lucy tells him the name of her fiancee and he goes ' wait, I know the guy, he's super gay, I can't let you marry him... ' my brother in the force what is your problem! Leave the girl alone. She's your friend, stop stalking her, she's got her own problems to deal with!! Lucy did nothing to deserve how Gregory randomly went from nice guy she was super supportive of in the courtship of her best friend, to kinda obsessive dude who won't leave her alone and wants to ruin her arranged marriage (let's ignore that said arranged marriage needed to be ruined and it might as well be by him). Guy was a green flag for Hermione but the moment he began fixating on Lucy, homegirl kinda saw the light and was like ' he's crazy, yup, totally mad.. about me sure, but this guy... He's never been told no in his life and it shows, it shows for miles'

And I just laugh so hard because people look at Anthony's fed up face and somehow think that he's the worst to fear in in the Bridgerton family. But nobody knows just how crazy his brothers are, except their wives. At this point Anthony's resting B face has to be some sort of defense mechanism because he had to grow up with Benedict and Colin while trying to raise Gregory. He may look intimidating but he's actually a reasonable man if you think about it. But his brothers, those three are just hiding their unhinged for wife energy a lot better. And you just don't want to know what kinda chaotic crazy thing they're capable of doing if they think it would impress Penelope, Sophie and Lucy

And that's the tea.

#Anthony Bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #colin bridgerton #gregory bridgerton #polin #Kanthony #benophie #grucy #Anthony Bridgerton defense squad

292 notes · View notes

whoami-24601 · 9 months

Text

International Incident Part 5

Part 1 Part 4

After the drivers decide that Lewis and Logan would do social media posts, Lewis calls Toto for an update. "Toto, what is going on? It's been almost three hours, man. This isn't ok. If we don't get out soon, we are going to come up with our own plan."

From the speakerphone, everyone could hear a gruff Toto say, "we haven't gotten much of an update either. Stefano and some of the FIA are negotiating with the representation of the country. The only thing we have been told is that they are not looking for money. We offered. They seem to want to make a spectacle out of this. They're unhappy with," Toto sighed, "a lot of things really."

"Like what?" Lewis was aware they needed to save cell phone battery, but it felt too important to cut the conversation short.

"Like," Toto hesitated, sounding exhausted, "all of it. Gay rights, women's rights, global warming, and our attempts at reducing carbon emissions. Something about a flag and sponsors, too. It just sounds like they want us to be stuck in the 50s or something. I have no idea how a race was even approved here." The drivers all started whispering amongst themselves with that admission. What were they going to do? Why was this being taken out on them?

"Money talks, Toto," Lewis responds. "We all know that. The big question is - what do they want us to do about it? Those things are much bigger than this one race here. We can't just pledge to set back humanity."

"No, no, we can't, and we won't. We need to figure out how to get you all out and get the hell out of here." Toto paused again to ask, "how is everyone doing?"

"Umm," Lewis surveyed the room. The duos and trios had started to separate again. The closeness during their planning session diminished as they heard Toto's comments. "I'm going to go with not great. Little water, no food, and we're basically on the edge of panic."

"I don't know what to suggest for you all but I will do my best to see if we can at least get you some food and water. Hopefully this ends soon."

"Yeah, ok, Toto, thanks for the update. I'm going to save battery again, so just call if you have an update. We may switch to someone else's phone after a while, but mine is still good for now. We'll text you if that changes." Toto had become the main contact since George and Lewis were part of the problem solving group, and they knew Toto would do everything in his power to get them out. The rest of the team principals were also aware that Toto was the only contact after the initial lock-in occurred.

Everyone settled back into their corners to call their loved ones. The problem solving team also found spaces they could speak somewhat privately, given everyone was stuck in a single room together.

As they walked very slowly back to their corner, Danny said, "well, I guess it's phone call time. Do we want to call one at a time? We can time the one person and provide support?" He turned to Max and Lando for their thoughts.

Max nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's good. I don't think I should call my dad, though. I'll call my mom and Victoria together." Daniel and Lando did not question the decision as they approached their former spot.

Daniel dropped himself down against the wall and opened his legs suggestively. "Anyone wanna come cuddle me?" His eyebrows jumped up and down as he surveyed the two men. Lando immediately blushed and shook his head no while Max seemed to contemplate the offer. "You in, Maxy?"

"Sure," Max answered nonchalantly, settling down between Daniel's legs and leaning casually against his chest. Lando stood with his mouth open at how easily Max had agreed.

Seeing Lando's reaction, Danny told him, "you missed your shot, Lan. Have to wait for the next time my legs are open!" He laughed at his own comment and opened his arm up for Lando to squish next to him, which he did without hesitation.

"Anyone want to call first?" Lando asked softly. He didn't want to call at all but knew it was the right thing to do.

"I will do it," Max said, pulling his phone out from his back pocket, awkwardly knocking against Daniel's legs.

Squeezing his legs back around Max's body once his arm was clear, Daniel teased, "Oh, Maxy," getting a chuckle in return.

While Max was turning his phone on, Lando rolled his eyes and debated about his own phone call. He knew he had to talk to his parents, but he also wished he could talk to his other friend Max. He debated what he needed to say, thinking back to Lewis' suggestions. His parents would absolutely know something was wrong if he just called to say he loved them, and if his dad figured out something was wrong and Lando wasn't telling him, he would get the information somehow. He had Zak's direct line after all. After a few minutes, Lando realized he hadn't been listening to Max. The call had started, and Lando tuned in to hear Max say, "you will be well taken care of if anything happens to me. I met with some lawyers to see to it." Lando raised an eyebrow and looked at Danny for his reaction. Danny was staring at his watch with an intense look on his face, nothing Lando wanted to interrupt. Once again, tuning back in, Lando heard Max say goodbye, and he loved them. Lando was also shocked to see the silent tears falling down his friend's face. He reached over, wrapped their arms together, and put his head on Max's shoulder.

"It is not a lie," Max answered the question Lando didn't ask. "I had lawyers draw up papers that most of my money and property goes to them if I die. I did it a long time ago, but I did not see the point in telling them before. They know racing is dangerous, and it did not seem important."

Daniel slipped an arm between Lando's body and arm so he could wrap both arms around Max. "You did good, Maxy. Your family is so proud of you." As an afterthought he added, "so am I." Max looked over his shoulder at Daniel, grateful.

"I'm proud of you too, Max," Lando added softly. "You deserve everything you've achieved. I just wish I could take away the bad stuff." Lando's head remained on Max's shoulder, so he didn't see the confused face.

"The bad stuff made me deserve the good stuff," Max responded.

Danny sighed and tightened his hold. "No, Maxy. You don't have to go through bad stuff to get good stuff. That's now how life works. You deserve it just for being you."

Max would not agree with his friends, but he did not see the point arguing, so he asked, "who is next?"

"Danny," Lando answered quickly. He bashfully looked back, hoping he would not disagree.

"Sure, sure," Danny conceded, pulling his arms back to get his own phone out. "Maxy, you want to time me with that fancy watch you've got? I probably need like a minute warning. Unlike you, who finished your call in less than 3 minutes!"

"Are you sure you do not need a five minute warning? We know how you like to talk," Max joked.

Daniel tickled Max's side in retaliation, thankful for the laughter it caused. Max squirmed a bit until Daniel stopped to prepare for his call. He was calling both of his parents together. He wanted to call his sister too but didn't think he would have time to arrange it and say what he wanted without raising too many alarm bells.

Lando desperately wanted to listen to Danny's call to try to help prepare him for his own, but as soon as Danny started talking, Lando zoned out again. He watched the different drivers in the room to see how they were reacting to calling their loved ones. Charles and Pierre remained the closest to them, and Yuki had attached himself to that group, or more specifically, Pierre. Pierre was obviously trying to be strong for the men on both sides of him. His face looked hard, likely trying to hide his true feelings. Meanwhile, Yuki looked terrible. He was so confused and staring at his phone like it was a foreign object he had never used before. Charles looked like he had finished his call if the tear tracks on his face were any indication.

Lando looked to the other side of the room to see George and Alex together, George on the phone, and Alex holding his hand while looking at his own watch. Fernando and Carlos were sitting near each other, each on their phones. Esteban was on his phone and talking animatedly while Lance seemed to be zoned out, staring at the floor in front of himself.

A hand touching his back broke Lando from his own reverie, causing him to jump. "I'm sorry, Lan," Danny said, continuing to rub up and down. "You ok? Are you ready to call your parents?"

Lando looked back at Danny, shocked that it was already his turn. He hadn't heard a single thing Danny had said. He can see the tears in his eyes, though. Lando took another look around the room, a deep breath, and turned back to Danny with determination. If everyone else could do this, so could he. "Yes, let's do this." Lando picked up his phone and realized his hands were shaking. He couldn't even unlock it in the first two attempts.

Danny reached over and took the phone from his hands. Without saying anything, he held it steady and let Lando unlock it. Once unlocked, Danny took it and turned airplane mode off and opened the phone contacts. Lando didn't understand why Danny was doing that. He could handle these basic tasks. He didn't see the point in arguing, though. Maybe Danny needed to help him to feel grounded. After a moment, Danny showed him his phone and asked, "this number?" Lando could see "Dad (ICE)" open and nodded. He might need to add his mom, but he would see if they were together first.

"Wait, what time is it in the UK?" Lando asked suddenly. The drivers were calling all over the world, and the timing was bound to cause some alarms to go off.

Max answered, "7pm." Of course Max knew without having to look it up.

"It was the middle of the night for your family, Danny?" Lando asked, concerned.

Danny grimaced and confirmed, "Yeah, I didn't think that through. They definitely know something is wrong, but they know to wait for more information." Then added softly as an afterthought, "hopefully."

Lando stared at the contact on his phone until the screen went dark. He felt shuffling next to him and realized Max had gotten up, and Danny had managed to maneuver them both so Lando was back between his legs. His knees were up on both sides, almost like a leg hug, while his arms wrapped snuggly around his waist. "Do you want to practice?" Danny offered quietly. Lando didn't know what to say. To Danny, to his parents. He leaned back against Danny's chest, thankful for the support. He glanced over at Max, now to his right, who was staring right back at him intensely. As they looked in each other's eyes, Danny stated, "you don't have to lie. Tell them you're having a bad night and you miss them. You just want to hear their voices. That's not too strange to concern them, is it?"

"My parents?" Lando asked with a forced chuckle. "They'd be concered for sure, but I think you're right. They'd be more concerned about my mental health than me being in a fucking hostage situation." Lando felt Danny kiss the back of his head but he didn't say anymore. Lando took that as his cue to just get it done.

Managing to unlock his phone this time seemed like a good sign he was ready. Lando clicked "call" and "speakerphone" quickly. He probably shouldn't do speakerphone given so many people in the room, but he just couldn't handle being the only one that could hear his parents' reaction.

"Hey Lando!" his dad answered, sounding happy to hear from him.

"Hey dad," Lando responded, trying to sound more upbeat than he felt.

"What's wrong?" his dad immediately asked, proving Lando failed his attempt.

"Nothing, just um, could you get mom too, please? I just want to talk to you both." Lando found himself rubbing his leg, trying to force out the nervous energy.

Lando's dad responded, "of course, give me a minute." He could be heard yelling in the background and walking through the house.

Lando felt another kiss on his head, this time just above his left ear. It felt more grounding than the rubbing he was doing. He pushed his head back into Danny's face gently, trying to say thank you silently.

"Honey?" Lando's mom asked, concerned. "Are you OK? Your dad said you wanted to talk to both of us. Do we need us to come to you?"

"No!" Lando exclaims much too loudly. He glances around the room to see if any other driver's noticed but just sees a couple of people looking his way. That was fine. Not too big a scene. "I just mean, no, I'm ok. You don't need to travel all this way just because I'm having a bad night. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow."

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" His mom asks.

"I, um, I just," Lando stuttered. He had no idea what to say.

Danny leaned over Lando's shoulder and spoke to the phone, "hey Mr and Mrs Norris, Daniel Ricciardo here. I'm sorry to scare you like this. Lando was just feeling out of sorts, and I thought a piece of home might make him feel better. I didn't consider how that would sound to you."

"Oh, honey," Lando's mom responded softly. "Thank you, Danny. What have I said about the whole Mr. and Mrs. Norris thing? You're an adult, and a close friend of the family. There's no need for such formality."

"Right, right," Danny agreed. "Just feels wrong, like I'm disrespectful if I don't call you that!"

"Well, I'm telling you I don't find you using our first names disrespectful at all," Lando's mom responded sternly.

Danny laughed and agreed, "Ok, Ok, I get it. I don't want to take away from Lan here. Unfortunately, we need to go in a minute. Lando, tell your parents you love them and not to worry about you."

Lando swallowed and did as told, "I love you. Don't worry about me."

"We're always going to worry about you," Lando's dad responds. "We love you too, Lando, so much."

"So much," Lando's mom adds. "Call us anytime, honey. And, Danny?"

"Yes?"

"You take good care of our boy, right?"

"I do my best," Danny answers with a slight catch in his voice. Lando's parents don't seem to notice and hang up after their goodbyes

#my fic #dando #maxiel #daniel ricciardo

18 notes · View notes

autumnaaltonen · 1 year

Text

I want to start my Pride Month off by talking about the generational/cultural switch my mother and I have experienced.

Living in Vancouver during the 70s-late 80s, my aunt (my mother's sister) came out as a lesbian around my age. When she was hanging out with her friends (also including my mom) she was considered the 'token gay'. And as said token gay, my mother always looked out for my aunt when things got too overwhelming, and also supported her when she would try to share philosophies about homosexual and lesbian identity to their straight friends. She grew up in a time when it was rare (everyone was still in the closet, I know) to be gay/lesbian, and she never really had a community to go to in order to embrace her identity to the fullest. I remember attending her wedding as a child, and being so surprised when I saw her getting married to another woman. That was the first time I learned about being gay/lesbian, and I didn't even see it coming because it was just not a topic of discussion in my family, nor was it for most families at the time. Thank god, things have changed.

Cut to today, 2023, I'm nearing my end of university and have my own large group of friends. Funny thing is though, there is no 'token gay'. Instead, I am the 'token straight'. Turned tables. The vibe in my group is completely different than from what my mother and aunt experienced growing up. We are four-bisexuals, one lesbian/trans-gendered woman, and one gender-fluid. Sexuality, gender and identity are commonplace topics we discuss without filter. However, I don't have much experience to contribute to the conversation, beyond growing up with my aunt and trans-gendered sister, but I try to include myself none-the-less in order to learn. The difference is, the gay agenda is always welcome, but the straight-centric way I do and say things has been a noticeable sore spot for our group. My opinions on LGBTQ+ issues never ring quite as strong in our talks, or are dismissed entirely. (Be aware I've never said anything hateful. I agree with most everything the LGBTQ+ stands for, and the few areas I disagree on are commonplace issues that are widely debated from all parts of the community.)

But now it's my own cis-straightness that has become an issue, rather than being the one gay/lesbian friend. Even my own identity as a cis/straight woman is constantly put into question by my friends, and it really makes me uncomfortable. I almost always dress away from the binary, but I still identify as a woman. I find fellow women attractive, but I'm only romantically and sexually interested in men. So I must be gender questioning, or I have to still be in the closet, right? If I like to dress in masculine clothing, I should change my pronouns to be inclusive. My issues with dating must revolve around the fact that I'm attracted to straight men, who are total trash, no excuses.

I hope you're sensing my sarcasm here.

Just like when my aunt struggled to express her identity to share the LGBTQ+ community while only having my mother for support, I now struggle to express my ideas to support the LGBTQ+ community while being myself. And it drives a big wedge between my friends and I, just as it did for my mother and aunt in the 70s and 80s.

In no way should we compare LGBTQ+ issues with those of heterosexuals and cis-gendered people, there is simply no comparison to be drawn. But I hope that going into June, we all remember to be respectful of one another when are intentions are directed at lifting the LBGTQ+ up, rather than forcing them back into that dingy closet. Straight, gay, cis, trans or non-binary, we need to encourage conversation in order to progress, or else we're forever doomed to go backwards.

And for all the super right-wing skinheads who come into my DMs whenever I talk about things like this: I will find your IP address, steal your confederate flag, shred it, and turn it into glitter for my sister's wedges. I have done it before, I will do it again.

#pride month #lgbtq #lesbian pride #trans pride #love is love

9 notes · View notes

ded10c · 3 months

Text

The Day After International Women's Day

As you may have seen already, yesterday was International Women's Day.

Throughout most of my adult life, the best, closest, kindest, and most loyal and compassionate friends I've had have almost all been women. Every single one has been through something truly awful: abusive relationships, assaults – a horrifying majority have survived one of the worst crimes a person can visit upon another. Some of them more than once. Yesterday was also International When is International Men's Day Day (it's November 19th, to save you turning yourself into a statistic). Alright then, lads - if we're gonna make it all about us, have a seat. It's the next day now, so we won't be speaking over anyone: let's talk. Why is it we can't talk about how often women are subjected to the shit they are without one of you getting on the defensive and saying it's not all of us? Everybody knows that already - and women are even more aware of it then we are, frankly. It's not all, but it's damn sure enough of us - and if you've ever wolf-whistled or catcalled someone, made a move on someone just a little too drunk to think clearly, or commented about someone being "dressed like a slut" or "asking for it", then all the good intentions in the world don't make a blind bit of difference. In that moment you raised a red flag, proudly declared yourself a threat to anyone who'd listen, and told every woman in earshot loud and clear that it’s not all men - but for all they know, if they give you half a chance, it might be you. We live in a world that belittles friendships between men and women. We tease children about it, we have "gay best friend" stereotypes that harm everyone involved, and we've got centuries of society telling men to expect one thing and women another - and what all that adds up to is men who don't know how to be friends with women. Now I agree wholeheartedly that everyone is the sum of their parts, and a lot of those parts are things we can't control. We've all had experiences that shaped us in ways we don't really like. We feel things we're ashamed of and do things we feel guilty about, and somewhere along the line someone decided being a man meant pretending that didn't happen. That may be bullshit - and it is - but it still means generations of men don't talk to their friends about things like that, and we've been passing that down for so long that we might as well call it an heirloom. Just knowing it’s bullshit isn’t enough if you’ve lived with it so long that it’s cost you the ability to imagine anything else. Women are more likely to talk to their friends about those things - men included, if they're close enough. But because we don't, we don't learn how to in quite the same way no matter whether we're talking about our own feelings or someone else's. When we do get to make that connection, it's more likely to be with a woman - and because that tends not to be normal in our friendships, we tend to mistake it for something else. And society tells us not to talk about that either – a huge part of building a relationship with someone is pretending you’re not trying to do that. If you don’t believe me, you just try flirting with someone without either of you being even a little bit coy. See how far that gets you. When we don't talk about or process our feelings, they fester and turn into something unpleasant. We might start to feel entitled and possessive over a woman whose only mistake was trying to be our friend. We might start to feel manipulated and used. We might even start to resent her. (This is what being “friendzoned” is, by the way: misreading her intentions, and blaming her instead of talking to her about it.)

Once those things start happening, we're already on an unpleasant and dangerous path. If you spot any of them, you need to step back and re-evaluate your position. Why do you feel like that? Why do you see her the way you do? Have you listened to how she feels about the situation, or did you assume you already know? Are you blaming her for your feelings, or are you taking responsibility for your emotions and processing them properly? Have you been in this position before and blamed the woman for hurting you when perhaps you said or did something thoughtless that hurt her enough to have to pull away? Has that happened enough, and have you heard enough stories from your mates, that you protect yourself by being distrustful of women in general? I don't think it's manly to pretend to be strong when you're not. I think that's cowardice. I think bravery is about acknowledging your feelings, admitting your mistakes, and trying to do better. I'm willing to bet every man reading this has made at least one of those mistakes before - I know I have. Feeling like that isn't our fault - society demands we behave like this, and these are the consequences. It becomes our fault when we don't listen to the signs that we're hurting someone and don't do something about it. Going forwards, there are a couple of things I'd like you try doing. First, when someone tells you you’ve hurt them, listen, understand, and think about how you could avoid hurting them in future. Second, if you've never been in therapy or counselling, you should consider it. Some of us carry it better than others, but nobody gets through life without something fucking them up a little bit inside. If you don’t know where your scars are and how they affect you, there’s a very good chance they’ll cause you to hurt someone else – usually your romantic partners and your kids. Those women I mentioned aren't just the kind, compassionate people they are today because that’s who they are. Part of it is because they went through something terrible and don't want to see that happen to anyone else. They're like that despite the things some of the men in their lives have done to them - things some of those men are still doing. Some of those men have no idea they're even doing it - and lads, if any of you has read this far and still thinks this doesn’t apply to you, let me be clear: it especially applies to you. It's very easy to hurt someone by accident and never have any idea - and if you can't think of anything, odds are you've done a lot more than someone who can. Right, that was a lot - here's the skinny version. Society shames men for feeling, which means we never learn how to deal with it. That causes us to hurt people – sometimes because we’ve deluded ourselves into thinking they deserve it, but often by accident. We don't know how to talk about feelings, so when people tell us we hurt them we feel accused and get defensive instead of apologising and trying to understand, and that makes the problem worse. Round and around we go.

I see a lot of posts on social media saying things like “men need to do better”. It’s not as simple as that – there’s not a whole lot you can do if you can’t see where we’re going wrong or why. But once you’ve got those two pieces, you can make a start. It won’t be easy: you’re trying to break the habit of a lifetime here and you’ve got an entire society to rebel against to do it. You’ll slip up sometimes. There are going to be moments of realisation where the guilt and shame feel overwhelming – I’m not in touch with all those best friends today, and I owe some of them a bigger apology than I honestly know how to give. But even though it won’t be easy, the important part is that you try. That’s what it means to be a man.

Good talk, lads. Now let's get out there and do better.

0 notes

troglobite · 1 year

Text

t/d l/sso THOUGHTS for tonight's ep

OKAY SO.

more of ted and roy complimenting men's appearances. roy actively "hating" the fact that ted has rubbed off on him and he now makes silly jokes (ass-squatch, etc.)

"look at that head'a hair. god had to take it away just to make things fair"

[stares]

but also

I LOVE HOW MUCH TRENT WAS IN THIS EPISODE

and my THOUGHTS are mainly this:

the fourth thing. what is the fourth thing. why are they harping on that. TRENT even got stuck on it.

possible attachments/meanings/etc.

they don't need a fourth season, quite literally it's a three act structure, the fourth thing is the end and who knows what comes next

nate's storyline was right up against everyone else's in an episode called the strings that bind us (and that WASN'T just referring to the literal strings that roy had them tie around their dicks, which also--ROY. WHAT KIND OF SHIT ARE YOU INTO.)

so is NATE that "missing" fourth thing?

or is the conclusion w trent getting all dorky and excited abt "it's gonna work!" meant to imply that they DON'T need nate?

alternatively

"leave the door open for god to walk in" so to speak

the trio of them

the open door that trent comes through

him making four.

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, SHOW????

i'm ESPECIALLY intrigued bc the whole thing w total football is TRIANGLES. which are mathematically and structurally VERY sound. jokes are in threes, etc. three three three. three seasons.

but then also "what a fucking dork" (most loving compliment ever given by roy kent) and "yeah but he's our dork" WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

also!!!!

i saw someone point out on twitter that ted's talking abt all of them getting out of the boxes that have been assigned to them

and not only do they manage to figure it out

jamie steps out of his box--and is SAD he couldn't be someone else, when he started saying "why would i wanna be anyone else but me?" in season one--and takes the lead!

they all swap spots and understand things, they have a breakthrough

sam steps out of "line" out of his "box" that society puts him in as a footballer and entertainer to take a stand abt the state of the world--and he gets punished for it, but then his team helps him rebuild bc that's what they do

but then nate literally makes a box and puts himself in it and then it gets smashed and he asks jade out anyway

do you have ANY idea how proud i was of him for NOT spitting in the mirror before going to ask jade out???

PROGRESS!!!!

PROGRESSSSKASFJ LKSJDLFAJSDF!!!!

i literally said, when he ran to the bathroom, DON'T DO IT YOU DON'T NEED TO DO IT

and he didn't

then he tried to be a version of his dad

and then fuck that, just be yourself. be a little awkward, a little weird. but be sincere.

i love that.

i ALSO love the comeback of his arts and crafts time w his niece. literally the sweetest little callback.

and also the decision to not be like his dad. to be his own person. LAJSLDKFJ ALSDKFJ DLS v proud of him.

also trent's dressing EVEN MORE GAY if that were possible for the man

as if colin knowing made it even more okay

ALSO the mug was back

ALSO ALSO

ted's whole thing abt facial hair.........

"as a straight man in sports in kansas who's afraid of needles, my ways of expressing individuality were limited"

and then going on and on abt fucking that blue collar comedy foursome, jfc. lol

but i'm just.

INTERESTING.

that he has to pointedly say that he's straight.

and yet

he and trent did a LOT of talking. and he claims trent as theirs.

OKAY LISTEN.

i don't actually 100% believe that that's where they're going.

i'm not even 100% sure that roy and/or ted are actually gonna be confirmed queer (although i stg, roy riding in a little rickshaw COVERED IN LITERAL PRIDE FLAG TYPE RAINBOWS WHILE QUOTING ROMCOMS BACK AND FORTH WITH OTHER MEN)

but it's just like--

i'm having to play catch up, basically

for two seasons, i just presumed that they weren't gonna go there. that they were gonna be throwaway silly little jokes from Straight Characters that weren't offensive, but did kinda normalize queerness in casual convos.

BUT NO

WE NOW HAVE FOUR QUEER MAIN CHARACTERS!

not including their partners! (michael, jack, and will's couple from the threesome)

so i'm truly over here like Holy Fucking Shit.

and that romcommunism/rainbow episode--i just.

it feels really interesting and sweet that the episode that was quoting all these romcoms--NOTORIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL--was also VERY FUCKING GAY BUT WE DIDN'T REALIZE IT. or at least i didn't! lol

and that's the episode that implies that things will work out, but not the way you expect or want or think you need.

and i am FASCINATED.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

also trent is truly loosening up around all of them

"hey trent"

"hi ted"

FASCINATING.

ALL OF THE DETAILS ON THIS FUCKING SHOW MATTER AND I AM ENTHRALLED THAT AFTER AMSTERDAM, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GETTING WITH TRENT

my brain is ON FIRE and while i'm excited the show's not over yet, i also desperately need ANSWERS. lol

0 notes

homoqueerjewhobbit · 3 years

Text

I have a lot of very messy feelings about the proliferation of Pride flags, especially the mlm one, but ever since @princeofsparkles pointed out that we've gone back to "pink is for girls, blue is for boys," I think about it every time I see either of these.

#Do gay men need their own flag? If everyone else needs their own flag then I say yes.#Bc we can't let mlms become the ''unmarked'' group in the queer community #If that makes sense #Gay men aren't the default type queer even if that is how it is somehow presented in the mainstream #And I occasionally see the infants on this site act like ye Olde 6 stripe rainbow flag is for gay men and everyone else needs their own #THE RAINBOW COVERS LITERALLY EVERYONE #The other flags are great but if you just put out the one 🌈 flag congrats you've covered us all. Every L G B T Q I A P 2S *#*who feel they belong under that banner... Shit's nuanced and complicated af #Putting out multiple or variations of flags is a way of specifically acknowledging and showing solidarity W certain groups #The new black and brown stripes are about highlighting poc in the queer community and their contributions and unique experiences #But that doesn't mean you're racist if you still use your old 6 - stripe #No matter how many flags you hang or stripes you add you can't specifically name everyone #Which is why we unite under a single banner #Idk I just worry about left unity a lot #We have more in common than we have different #Also pls take some intro color theory and graphic design classes before you make a new flag for your micro identity #Pride #Gay pride #Lesbian pride #Pride flags #Lgbt #Lgbtq #Lgbtqia #lgbtqia2s #Queer #Queer pride #Queer pride flags #These statements have not been vetted by princeofsparkles if you're mad leave them out of this.#vexillology #You're not excluding Indiana if you just use the Stars and Stripes. We should - but that's a different post.

118 notes · View notes

fuckyeahisawthat · 2 years

Text

While we like to joke about Izzy being in the wrong genre, I would argue that there are in fact at least five distinct genre universes in the world of Our Flag Means Death, and all of them have different rules.

Stede Bonnet, and his crew when they’re around him, live in a Muppet movie. I didn’t come up with this analogy but it’s so accurate. Insane physical comedy and comedy-action where no one really gets hurt. Mild peril but you know everything is gonna work out. Terrible puns and sight gags, but room for sweet, genuine emotional moments too. The rules of time, space, probability and logic will bend for a good joke.

Izzy Hands is in a grimdark action/drama where if someone gets stabbed in the gut they will behave normally and fucking die. (Probably slowly and painfully, of sepsis.) Crucially I think Izzy also lives in a genre where you can only be subtextually queer, and violence (done for or with or to each other) is the only acceptable form of intimacy between men. This is why being forcibly dragged into Stede’s world, where everyone is busy having silly low-stakes misadventures and being gay and emotionally available all over the main text--and seeing his Subtextual Boyfriend go into this world and love it--sends him round the twist.

The British, Spanish and other imperialist militaries are in a Master and Commander-style naval adventure where they’re the heroes. This is why they all take it completely seriously when Stede (unintentionally) kills Badminton and takes hostages, even though we can see that he bumbled his way into it ass-backwards. This is also why Stede is so shocked to get actually for real stabbed aboard the Spanish ship. (“Did you mean to do that?”) He didn’t realize until that moment that he’d stepped into a different genre. The stabbing is one of the first Surprise Genre Switch moments we get and in retrospect it’s very important for setting up that in this world, the threat of getting hurt or killed is very real--which we need to understand to know that there are real stakes much later, when Stede almost gets executed by the British.

Calico Jack is in Jackass. Everything is funny but especially pain--your own or other people’s. Everything’s a joke and nothing means anything and if you get hurt or hurt someone else (physically or emotionally) who cares, fucking laugh it off, cause genuine care and concern is for LOSERS. You can definitely be gay with your pirate bro but don’t even think about calling him your friend. Life is cheap and painful and short and you can’t trust anyone, so why not at least get drunk and have some fun before it’s over. Jack’s world is pretty fucking dark underneath the laughter, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we hear some of the most gruesome Blackbeard stories in this episode. It is not really that far from Izzy’s world, in that it’s also a place where violence is the only acceptable form of connection between men; it’s just played as slapstick around Jack. (Side note but I love that the humor in his episode gets progressively more strained, until we’re laughing uncomfortably, then not sure if we should be laughing at all, then convinced that we definitely shouldn’t be because the violence isn’t funny anymore.)

The fifth genre at work, of course, is romance. Ed and Stede follow the story beats of a rom-com almost perfectly, although in tone their romance ranges from comedic to earnest and heartfelt to bittersweet and heartbreaking, all played with complete sincerity in the moment. One of the reasons the ending is so gutting is that Stede has reached the Epiphany stage of a rom-com (the running-to-the-airport moment) while Ed is still stuck in Crisis (it’s over; I’ve gone back to my old life and I’m unhappy, but I haven’t figured out yet that I need to change things and how). And of course the writers had the brilliant-slash-terrible idea to end the season before the resolution stage, leaving us on an emotional cliffhanger and yearning for a continuation of the story. Bastards (affectionate).

Watching the characters navigate the different genres, and the moments of genre confusion that arise when the world we’re in abruptly shifts, is fascinating. While Stede is lodged so firmly in the rom-com genre that he takes it with him when he leaves the ship, Ed is a genre chameleon. He is able to genre code-switch better than any other character, and generally seems to know what genre he’s in at a given moment.

Underneath his fearsome reputation, we see that Ed is an incredibly lonely and insecure person, and he’s constantly presenting the version of himself that he thinks whoever he’s with wants to see. We see this most dramatically when he instantly shifts into frat boy mode with Calico Jack, but upon rewatch you can see that he is constantly editing himself depending on whether he’s interacting with Izzy or with Stede, presenting slightly different versions of himself that he thinks they will approve of. And I don’t think it’s quite so simple as Ed being his “real” self around Stede and putting on a persona everywhere else, although I do think that there are ways Stede interacts with him that are categorically much healthier than anyone else in his life. But ultimately all of these personas are the real Ed, which is why I tend to think that a big part of season 2 is going to be Ed’s self-actualization arc, deciding which parts of himself he wants to nurture, what can be accepted and integrated, and what maybe needs to be made peace with and let go of.

While the story is definitely a romance in structure (in that the romantic storyline is the main plot on which everything else hangs), and it’s mostly a comedy, tonally it ranges all over the map. There are times when it’s a pretty dark comedy, and there are times when I think it steps out of the comedy genre entirely (particularly, when talking about characters’ past trauma, and in the second half of the final episode). Managing these tone shifts so they’re impactful but not disorienting requires really good writing and acting, and the more you watch the show the more you see all the brilliant little setups that make this work.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #genre #writing #comedy #action #romance

30K notes · View notes

snufkinofficial · 2 years

Text

i’m having a lot of thoughts about the lighthouse in our flag means death functioning as a symbol of masculinity and before any of you say anything yes i DO see the obvious connection here and i swear this isn’t just an elaborate dick joke. anyway.

stede is expected to be a lighthouse in his marriage. he’s expected to be strong, to be a guide, to be stable. and in fulfilling all those things he’s also, then, expected to be.. lonely. in trying to fill that role he is incredibly incredibly lonely. because like the thing about lighthouses is they’re so solitary. when you think of a lighthouse there’s an implication of sacrifice. isolating yourself for the sake of protecting everyone else. like if you look at this scene where they’re having a family portrait painted and stedes wife and kids are sitting in front wearing yellow and stede is standing behind them in dark blue.

or all the shots of them at the dinner table where mary and the kids are gathered at one side while stede is all the way on the other side of the table. stede is expected to fulfill this typical role of cishet masculinity by being a protector for his family, at the detriment of his own desires. and he fails to do so. he’s not able to fill this social role of cishet men and the guilt of that literally follows him for the whole show. the lighthouse painting is a constant reminder of his failure. stede’s softness and his vulnerability, and by extension, his gayness make him the target of cruelty from other men. multiple times in the show other men insult him by calling him a woman. as a kid he was mocked for crying, for picking flowers, for failing to perform heterosexual masculinity before he was even old enough to truly understand what that meant. the social norms of masculinity tell us men can’t be soft, they can’t be vulnerable, they can’t need protection from others. and they certainly cannot be in love with each other

like. david jenkins tweeted this picture of stede and ed right after the kiss, pressed together with ed’s hand cradling stedes face, with the caption “a lot of what we’re taught about being a man is wrong”.

and i feel like so much of the general discourse about manhood and toxic masculinity and how it affects men is like. it’s truly never anything meaningful it’s just used as a means of derailing conversations about misogyny. conversations about defining manhood are always led by cishet white men who generally speaking are just looking for an excuse to be dismissive to women. but the discussions of masculinity and manhood in our flag means death are centered around gay men and men of color and transmasculine people and how all their experiences fit in to manhood and deconstruct our idea of what manhood can be. and to go back to the lighthouse symbolism for a second. like…in episode 4 stede and ed say we need to become a lighthouse. not i, not you. we. this is the first relationship stede has had that hasn’t been defined by his loneliness. so much of the lgbt experience is being told repeatedly, whether by people in your life or by the media you consume, that you are destined for loneliness. your life and your identity are defined by your suffering. and our flag means death says the opposite. the first thing mary says about love is that it feels easy. and… it has never been easy for stede. it’s never felt easy to him because he was trying to make himself play this role and he couldn’t do it. but his relationship with ed just happens so naturally. loving him is the easiest thing in the world. it’s like breathing. in loving and being loved by a man stede finds salvation. he finds joy. and it is so incredibly healing to see that kind of message on television. our flag means death is about gay people carving out a space for themselves in a world that actively refuses them a space. it’s a celebration of tenderness and softness and vulnerability as intrinsic parts of manhood. this show means literally everything to me thank you david jenkins

#milo.txt #ofmd #our flag means death #this is so fucking long i’m sorry #also important to mention that a lot of the depictions of masculinity in taika waititi’s work are heavily influenced by māori culture #@ wistfulrat made a good post about this #and the only reason it’s not mentioned in this post are 1. i have no clue exactly how much influence taika had over the writing #2. i am white and definitely not qualified to analyze media thru that specific cultural lens #3. this post is already 700 words .#HELP ME #GUY WHOS REALLY NORMAL ABOJT THE PIRATE SHOW

789 notes · View notes

17sasuke · 2 years

Text

thoughts on badhaai do

it definitely wasn't a perfect movie and the story was too obviously led by cishets but i loved how it didn't end w everyone's acceptance. sumi's mom wasn't even present during the pooja at the end but it didn't matter bc they had what was important to them. freedom, a child and their own acceptance. and that of sumi and rimjhim under the pride flag? i owe them my life for it. if i'm reviewing this objectively its 7/10 but i'm attached to the characters this is now one of my comfort films so for introducing sumi, rimjhim, guru and shardul's mom to me i'm giving this one a ten. (also for the pride scene. cinematography.)

spoilers under the cut

what i didn't like: it does drag in between while some other plotlines are never properly explored (i honestly didn't feel like they focused enough on sumi and shardul's relationship although it was supposed to be the backbone of the film). the kabir plotline should have been completely deleted actually and instead focused more on shardul's misogyny and his relationship w sumi.

the entire kabir plotline was so bad tbh. one, the age gap was a questionable (they'd been together 3 years already so). two, wow were they gonna write that domestic violence off bc they were both men?? bc shardul should have gone to jail for that wtf?? three, it wasn't even ever resolved. if they were carry it in this direction anyway there should have been a scene where they sat down and talked but?? four, the domestic violence thing. you can't raise ur hand on ur lover and it looks so much worse bc shardul's around 8-10 years older than him he's dating a college student and when he realizes the dude's bored of him and lying to him he hits him and then says sorry stfu and go to jail.

also there's many times thru out where i really felt like this story was made largely by cishets. the romances really suffered from the heterofication of gay love bc a) the violence thing w shardul and b) when sumi and rimjhim fought and said callous things to each other but never talked about it, apologized or even addressed the root of the issue (rimjhim's jealousy. u can argue that it'd be futile to bring it up since everyone knows suman's gay but it doesn't hurt to write a scene where a girl placates her gf's insecurities.)

basically. heterofication. like they had to show gay romances were like toxic cishet ones to make the audience more accepting or smth i literally dk but i hated it.

oh and the biphobia. did they have to shove that on rimjhim's character. like ik gay ppl can be v biphobic but if ur not going to address that as an issue that needs to be changed then don't bring it up at all.

lastly, shardul's misogyny. tbh i loved that they brought it up bc really cis gay men can be so fucking nasty and misogynist and its almost never talked about bc apparently gay men are more understanding of women (suman even exclaims this once!). it was done well and used as a comedic device which did give way to some good jokes but in the end we never see him grow out of it, realize he was wrong or apologize to suman. from the one year skip its obv it was resolved he isn't a dick anymore (bc shardul's misogyny came from his need to hide his sexuality behind the alpha male façade) but instead of wasting time on the kabir plot i wish they'd instead explored this deeper and concluded this plotline onscreen.

what i liked:

everything else. i loved every lgbt character (except kabir bc idk what to think about him and shardul bc he's on thin fucking ice), shardul's mother and suman's dad. also loved naaznin. if only we got to see more of her.

i teared up so much by the end esp during suman's conversation w her father and when shardul's mom hugged him. but its when her father tells rimjhim to sit beside sumi that i genuinely broke down. everything else was like sumi herself said: u expected this much from them. u imagine that soming out scene so much when they say those exact words that lock u up w terror, u feel like u've already heard it before. her father was the only one she had hope in, her father was the only person she had any expectations for. he too let her down thou, he too broke her heart. but he got over it, he made up for it. he didn't only accept her, he accepted her gf too, as sumi's partner, as the mother to sumi's child. he told her to sit next to his daughter and sobbed so hard like i'm never going to have that so its soothing to see a fictional character get that.

and shardul's mom oh god i adore her. she shouldn't have outed suman ever but i can't bring myself to think of her as a bad person for that. bc when it came to her own son? she accepted him the minute he said he was gay. she gave him what sumi wanted from her father, what she begged her father for. not understanding not even kindness just acceptance. and that's true love yk that's what parental love should be like. u don't need to understand ur kids u should be accepting them no matter what. i do think the reason she outed suman had less to do w her being gay and more w her thinking suman cheated on her son thou. this is like the only time i've forgiven an outing wow this movie really did that.

anyway the whole kabir sequence was unnecessary and only made me hate shardul more. cis gay men Are misogynist and i like that they addressed that but it wasn't properly resolved onscreen and that combined w kabir made shardul such a despicable character. if i delete that thou then i adore him misogyny and all. i was so proud of him in the end. when he came out in anger hearing his family insulting sumi (inadvertently insulting him), when he wore the mask during pride and when he called his bf over during the pooja. loved his growth thou really instead of the kabir plot i wish they worked more on sumi and shardul i wanted to see them bond more to see them become best friends, each other's ride-or-dies. only good thing that came out of that plotline was that we got sumi-shardul bonding moments. yeah my only gripe w this movie is the kabir plot. all that screentime wasted when they could have focused on other plots like sumi-shardul, shardul/guru or more of sumi/rimjhim. or the resolution of his misogyny.

omg guru. i loved that guy so much loved every scene w him in it he really saved the movie by fixing the male lead thank god. (those scenes of him flirting w shardul. the business card and the secret hand holding omg.)

my favorite thing obv was sumi and rimjhim. there was smth so accurate about lesbians moving in immediately and then discussing children within weeks of dating. their romance arc their relationship the way they're moms!! (they're MOMS!!) all of it was such a delight to watch. it felt so good to watch a wlw romance in a bollywood movie i could watch them for hours i wish they got a full length feature film like all that chemistry, their acting, their story, it feels inadequate watching it all squeezed into the movie as a parallel plot. (wish we saw them getting married. just a marriage scene is that too much to ask for.)

#badhaai do #myra.txt #going to rewatch this #multiple times #and its entirely for sumi rimjhim and guru #myra reviews movies #bollywood

53 notes · View notes

not-enough-teeth-and-treasures · 3 years

Text

An Autistic’s Perspective on Tears of Themis’ Representation (spoiler alert: it’s bad)

Before you read, I should warn you that there will be spoilers for Chapter Five! Read at your own risk. Also, trigger warning for discussions of ableism and harmful disablility stereotypes. I get pretty heated as well, so if you’re not a fan of swearing and stuff, then it might be best to skip this.

So, I was debating whether or not I wanted to talk about this, mostly because this game doesn’t do anything new in regards to the perception of autism in media. Unfortunately, it ends up leaning into a lot of not great tropes and goes into “what the fuck that’s incredibly offensive territory” waaay to quickly. So here I am.

The most prevelant character with autism (or who we start out thinking has autism. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that) is a small, supergenius child (a boy as well *sigh*) is so overdone at this point that there aren’t many new criticisms I can say. The stereotype of autism presented in media is overwhelmingly extremely intelligent (usually with sciency or math based interests) men with no ability to socialize or be kind to others. This not only paints autism as a disability that effects men primarily (which creates intense stigma around AFAB autistic people and makes it harder for us to get diagnosed or believed), but also creates this expectation of greatness. Autistic people are often held to superhuman standards, which further others and dehumanizes us in the eyes of allistic people. The vast majority of autistic people are not savants, and that it perfectly fine.

But all of this is pretty standard. The red flags started popping up when it was revealed that the autistic kid, Hugh, doesn’t actually have autism and is faking it in order to keep people from asking hard questions about him or trying to pry into his life (which is full of secrets). I’m definitely not a fan of perpetuating the idea that people fake diabilities in order to manipulate people, so this plot twist was not my favorite. However, it wasn’t really enough to inspire me to write a whole ass essay about the representation. And then I got to the fucking text conversation with Vyn.

Here is where I’m gonna put a trigger warning for talk about eugenics, curing autism, ableism, and basically just a fuck ton of awful shit. Fuck, this makes me so mad.

So, I went in and took screenshots of both options just to see, and all of them lead to terrible bullshit. Lets start out pretty light with the MC and Vyn discussing symptoms.

This is a pretty limited and honestly incomplete explanation of autistic behaviors. These can definitely be symptoms, but they’re heavily overcovered and really basic. A lot of autistic people don’t have these symptoms, and it would be really nice if more media branched out and covered more of the spectrum. However, considering they don’t do anything different in any other areas, I’m not surprised.

Also not a fan of Vyn’s use of “abnormal.” It has some very negative connotations and is a bit insulting, honestly. These behaviors are perfectly “normal;” they’re just not as accepted by neurotypical people. Plus, no behaviors can really be labeled as normal because humans are complex and different.

That was the easy shit. Let’s get into the truly awful garbage.

This is treading into ABA territory here. For those of you who are unaware, ABA is pushed as the best autistic therapy, but a large majority of autistic adults consider it to be abusive and unhelpful. This is mainly because it seeks to “correct” many behaviors that are helpful for autistic people. It seeks to surpress stims (which are behaviors that improve the mental health of autistic children), force us to talk (as opposed to letting us use sign language and technology), and more. This harms our mental health and makes us ashamed of who we are. These behaviors do not need to be “corrected.” We don’t need to act “normally.” All this therapy does is make us more palitable for neurotypical people, and it’s bullshit.

It also doesn’t help that ABA was pioneered by Ivar Lovaas, a man who did not believe autistic people were human. He developed ABA as a way to “build a person” using harsh punishments such as withholding affection and ELECTRIC SHOCKS. If you think this is a think of the past, you’d be wrong. Electric shocks are still being used to harm disabled people. Look up the hashtag #StopTheShock to learn more and help push for legislation that bans this practice.

Oh, and did I mention Ivar Lovaas also inspired gay conversion therapy? Because he did! So yeah, fuck ABA and fuck Vyn for performing it (god damn it, Vyn, I liked you a lot).

And now, onto the eugenics. Fuck my life.

FUCK! THIS! BULLSHIT!

I am so tired of autism being treated as this horrific disease that needs a cure. I had a perfectly fine childhood. Yes, it was hard at times, yes I got traumatized, but a large part of that was due to ableism and abuse from teachers and peers. A large reason why autistic people suffer is because the world is not built for us, and we are often denied accommodations that would make our lives better.

It is beyond offensive and disgusting to suggest that we would be better off not existing than “suffering so much” because of autism. Because that is what this game and everyone else who thinks there should be a cure is suggesting. There is no me without autism. it literally affects my brain structure. You are wishing for a completely different person when you tell me that autism should be cured.

Now, I’m not going to get into the horrible consent issues that arise from talks about a cure, including genetic editing, fear mongering to parents so they think abortion is the only option, and straight up Nazi style eugenics. I do not have the spoons to delve into that exhausting discussion. But if you want to know more, then there are so many incredible autistic people who have written blogs, Twitter threads, and more about why a cure is a terrible idea.

Oh, and if you’re going to come at me with the “severely autistic people should be cured” bullshit, don’t bother. There is no such thing as “severe” autism, first of all, and second, non verbal autistic people (which are who people think of when they talk about “severe” autism), largely don’t want a cure. There have been so many surveys of tens of thousands of autistic people, and the result is that the overwhelming majority do not want to be cured. We want support and proper accommodations. Listen to us.

So, in conclusion, fuck this text conversation and it’s ableist and offensive bullshit. I really wish ToT had stayed away from autism, or at the very least did not touch on therapy or a possible cure. For a game that is about genetic experimentation on children and how bad that is, it sure peddles a lot of eugenics.

Fuck, this text conversation actually made me ill and I hate that. I’m so done with constantly trying to prove to the world that I am a human being who deserves to exist. I’m gonna go cuddle my service dog now.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #autism #autistic perspective #autism representation #seriously can we stop treating my disability like a disease? Is that so fucking hard?#i don't need a cure #i deserve to exist #aba is abuse #autistic people deserve to exist #hugh tears of themis #tot #tot vyn #god damn it vyn I simped for you

132 notes · View notes

littlemixnet · 3 years

Quote

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

#jade thirlwall #lgbt

230 notes · View notes

spencerspecifics · 3 years

Note

HI HI HI PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE MOREID AT PRIDE AND SOME PINING AND SPENCER THINKS DEREK IS STRAIGHT BUT HE ISN'T AND THEY KIIIITTTTTHHHHH

I absolutely love your energy fuck yes!! I’m so sorry this took forever, ive got school, work and some other personal things happening so I appreciate your patience!

No TW, B u t, a creep hits on Spencer at pride, so if that is upsetting please note that! Thanks :)

———————————————————————

Pride

———————————————————————

Garcia had been pestering Spencer about going to pride for the past week now, and it was slowly driving him insane.

He used almost every excuse he could think of. When he first turned her down, he had simply said, “Sorry, I’m going to be busy that week.” And of course, Garcia being Garcia, she stole his calendar to see what he was busy with (spoiler alert: he had nothing. Except a reminder to go grocery shopping, and email some professors and research scientists back).

So, she persisted, and he came up with a dozen more excuses; “I was considering flying out to see my mom”, “The local museum has a new interactive archeology exhibit for adults, and I want to learn more about ancient structures”, “I have to do a presentation on thermodynamics”.

None of those excuses work, as she sniffed out every lie, “Spencer, you hate flying to Vegas last minute, that archaeology exhibit has been open for months, and your calendar is empty!”

So with her persistence, and legitimate bullying, Spencer found himself finally agreeing. “Fine, but come over to my apartment before we leave so you can help me.” After all, he wasn’t really familiar with pride parades, and what the scene was like there. He was going to be a fish out of water, he already knew that for certain.

True to her word, Garcia showed up an hour before the pride parade was set to start, carrying a coffee in each hand- how she possibly knocked on his apartment door, Spencer didn’t know.

“I brought you a pick me up, that way you have no excuse to be in a bad mood!” She spoke in her signature sing song voice as Spencer let her inside, she barreled in like a hurricane. God, Spencer wasn’t ready for this.

“Thanks..” Spencer decided to reply with that lame response, and not with what he was actually thinking. He took the coffee from her wordlessly as she stepped in further, going to sit down on his couch.

“You excited?” Garcia asked as she set her cup down on his cluttered coffee table. Reid just shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t do great with crowds.”

“But you do great with disarming murderers?” “You know that’s different-” Spencer said, doing his best to argue, “Reid it is literally not. Both are anxiety inducing, but one is life or death, and it’s not pride. So you can do this.”

Spencer sighed, resigning himself to not arguing with Garcia. Because she was right, though at times her arguments sounded wild. He just had to get over this anxiety and show up at pride, he could do this, right?

Wrong. So, very, wrong. They had left his apartment with thirty minutes to spare, deciding to walk over to where pride was being held- as it was only a few blocks away in a public park.

And as soon as they got there, Spencer wanted out. There were so many people, more than he estimated (and his estimations were usually spot on.), and there was just chaos everywhere. Music, dancing, shouting, singing, drag queens running around happily. Spencer wasn’t sure what to do. He was out of his element.

Garcia seemed to sense that, though, as she dragged Spencer over to some stalls that sold pride flags, pins, and other miscellaneous pride related things.

“C’mon Reid, why don’t you look around and find something you like?” She offered up, something for him to do- something for him to stay busy with. He could do that. Spencer nodded simply, Garcia stayed by his side- looking at pride related wear for herself.

Spencer ended up deciding on a small pin that simply said; “love all”, planning to stick it on his messenger bag strap. Garcia bought a pin as well, but hers just had her pronouns on them; “she/her/hers”.

Looking at all the pride apparel was a good distraction for Spencer, he felt a lot more calmer now- though that didn’t stop him from feeling like he stuck out like a sore thumb. He’s just not familiar with this world, and it’s awkward to suddenly be in the middle of it.

Spencer was in the middle of looking at another booth that sold flags, possibly considering buying himself a small one to stick in his pencil cup at work, because Garcia left him to go compliment a drag queen- when a voice broke through.

“Hey, pretty boy!”

That was a voice all too familiar, what on earth was Morgan doing here? Spencer looked up at him as he made his way towards him. “Hey,” Spencer spoke awkwardly. Not sure what to say.

Spencer was gay. He was fine with admitting he was gay, but he hadn’t really told the team. He thought they figured it out on their own. And they probably had, but still, having his coworker see him at a pride event- it was anxiety inducing.

“What’re- what’re you doing here?” Spencer asked, stumbling over his words as he dropped the small flag he was holding back onto the vendors table.

“Oh, well I’m on the local PFLAG committee. I’m just here to hand out flyers and stuff. But I’m glad to see you’re here, I’m guessing Garcia’s here too?” He asked Spencer casually, as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Spencer.

He was on the PFLAG committee? Why? To help queer people, obviously, but that had to mean he was gay or something- Spencer couldn’t stop his mind from coming up with every possible answer to why Derek was on the committee.

Spencer just nodded in response, he moved himself back from the vendors table to get out of the way, so other customers could look at the flags being sold.

“Yeah, she’s- there.” Reid pointed her out, as if on cue she came out of the thick crowd that had started to gather back up, the parade portion of pride had concluded by now, and people were coming over to the vendors section.

“Hey, Babygirl!” Derek called over to her, and Garcia somehow lit up with a smile brighter than the one she was wearing before, “Well, hey!” She responded enthusiastically, walking up swiftly to give Derek a quick embrace, which he happily returned.

“I wasn’t sure how long you were staying for, but I’m glad I caught you!” Garcia started rambling to Derek, about how the drag queen she met was so nice; “Her name was Mysteria Hysteria. Isn’t that genius?”.

Spencer just stepped back from them both, not sure what to do, not sure if he fully belonged. Pride was a nice event, it was. But the longer he stood around, the more he felt like he should be leaving. Everyone was laughing and smiling, everyone was just happy. And Spencer couldn’t stop racking his brain. In the beginning, he couldn’t stop thinking because of his anxiety, but now he was searching his brain for a reason why Derek was here and what it meant.

Of course, a stupid large portion of Spencer’s mind went to “maybe Morgan likes men”, and then an even larger and stupider portion of his mind had the absurdity to think; “maybe he’s interested in me”. Which Spencer did not even want to remotely entertain, because if he fell down that rabbit hole, he’d never climb back out.

Because yes, he did like Derek. He liked him a lot, the start for his liking towards the man was innocuous enough- which is why it was a problem for Spencer. He didn’t realized he liked Morgan until it was too late. And now he had been battling these feelings for years. Spencer wasn’t ever going to act on them, he just had to live with them- which he had been doing, which he has been content with. But this new information, about Morgan being here, being part of PFLAG- it was going to make Reid’s mind implode in on itself.

Reid decided the best thing was to say; “I’m gonna get some water, I’ll be back.” To which Derek and Garcia both nodded to, and Spencer was off, away from the vendors stand and the only two people he knew at pride.

And while that was a good thing, it was simultaneously not so good. Because now he was alone, overwhelmed, and thinking too much. And now he had a task to do, find himself some water.

That task seemed to be more difficult than anticipated, as the prides layout was a confusing maze, spencer had to pass in front of a group of drag queens in order to get to the food trucks that were on site- but he eventually got there.

He walked up to the first food truck he saw, it didn’t matter what they sold, he wasn’t getting it.

“What can I get for you?” The cashier asked him, “Just a water, please.” He ordered, the cashier nodded and pulled a bottle out from a cooler that was nearby within the truck, handing it over to spencer as they told him his total, a dollar twenty five. Spencer paid quickly, stepping back and away from the food truck, as he wasn’t sure where else to go now. He didn’t want to go back towards Derek or Garcia, he honestly wanted to go home.

He just needed a minute, some space and time to breathe and relax. He was stressing himself out. And about what? Nothing of goddamn importance, just a stupid crush he had been living with for a while now.

Spencer had been leaning against the back the food truck for not long, only a couple of minutes as he was absorbed in thought as he fiddled with the cap on the water bottle.

He was doing his best to follow the grounding techniques he had learned, something to help him calm down, when suddenly- a stranger emerged out of the crowd.

“Hey there, handsome.” The man said confidently as he strode up to introduce himself Spencer. Spencer looked up to meet his eyes, the man in question was a fine looking guy, chiseled jawline, long shoulder length hair, a bit of facial stubble. He was handsome. “Hello,” Spencer answered hollowly in response. In an ordinary situation, he would try and seem more lively- but he wasn’t in a normal situation, not at all.

The anxiety of attending pride was stress enough on its own, but now knowing the guy he had been drooling over for years was here- and worked as a PFLAG volunteer? It was enough to make him lose his mind.

The man didn’t seem to notice Spencer’s empty response, however, as he answered suavely in response; “I couldn’t help but notice you from across the way. I’m Fabian,” Thankfully, the man- Fabian, didn’t stick his hand out for a handshake, instead casually pushing his hair back a bit.

“I’m Spencer,” Reid replied simply, knowing it was best to ride this odd social interaction out, rather than try and fight it. “That’s a lovely name,” Fabian complimented, “Is this your first time at pride, Spencer?” He asked him casually, taking a step forward, closer to Spencer. He was all too confident for Spencer, he too comfortable with invading Spencer’s space. If Spencer could’ve, he would’ve stepped back.

“Uh, yeah. My friend dragged me along.” Reid explained, twisting the bottle cap back onto his half empty water bottle. Fabian nodded, “Your boyfriend didn’t take you?” Fabian asked him. That was a leading question, Spencer had alarm bells ringing in his head the second he heard it. “No. He- um- he met up with us here.” Spencer replied unconvincingly, Fabian obviously did not believe a word he said.

“Well,” Fabian took another step forward, practically blocking Reid in against the back of the food truck, leaning in farther to whisper in Spencer’s ear; “I don’t see him around. So, why don’t you and I get out of here? Hm?”

Spencer wasn’t sure of what to do. He wanted to kick this guy in the crotch and just book it, but he wasn’t sure if his FBI status would protect him in this scenario. He wasn’t sure what could protect him in this scenario.

“Pretty boy! There you are!” A saving grace broke through, and suddenly Fabian was stepping back, and Morgan was walking up.

Thank god, thank fucking god, that’s all Spencer could manage to think as Derek came to stand beside him. “Hey, babe.” Spencer said, cringing at his voice, at what he just said. But that feeling only lasted for a moment as Fabian was still standing right there, staring them both down now.

Spencer could only throw his wish in the sky and hope Derek caught it coming down, ‘please catch along to why I’m calling you babe’ Reid was trying to say.

And Derek caught it, “Hey, baby, was worried about you. Who’s your friend?” He said in his smooth voice, a voice Spencer couldn’t forget. He especially couldn’t forget now, being called ‘baby’ was something Spencer especially could not forget.

“I’m Fabian, you’re Spencer’s boyfriend?” Fabian asked, as if them both calling each other ‘babe’ counted for nothing. “Yeah, I’m Derek.” Morgan responded simply, sliding his hand around Spencer’s waist as if to prove a point. Fabian just nodded, looking between Spencer and Derek one last time before talking; “Well, it was nice to meet you, I’ve gotta get going. See you.”

And then, he was off, fast walking away from Derek and Reid, escaping the terrible situation he had created. Fabian quickly disappeared into the thick crowd, and by then Spencer had his hand squeezing his water bottle all too tightly- as evident by the terrible crunch sound it made. He was too anxious to let go.

“Hey, are you okay?” Derek asked him softly, pulling his hand away from Spencer’s waist. “Can we find somewhere else- can we go sit down?” Spencer asked him quickly. Reid didn’t want to talk about it right this second, right where it had happened. He wanted to leave, he wanted to leave pride and never come back.

Derek didn’t ask a single follow up question as he led Reid away from the food trucks, taking him back towards the vendors stands, and then a bit further back, into the normal-not-so-pride-parade-filled park area. Somewhere less stressful, less scary.

“What did that guy want?” Derek asked Spencer casually as they made their way towards a bench that was sat under a large oak tree. Spencer didn’t speak right away, instead he waited until they were seated to start talking.

“He was trying to flirt, but then he wanted me to leave with him.” Spencer explained as he took a deep breath in, just being away from all the loud sounds and sights was helping him calm down. Derek rubbed Spencer’s back in slow, circular motions as Spencer kept talking.

“He was a classic example of a narcissistic personality, it just made me so uncomfortable- he invaded my space.”

“He was a creep, Reid. Simple as that,” Derek kept rubbing Spencer’s back slowly, Spencer nodded. “I know. Sorry, it shook me up.” Spencer attempted to apologized, and Derek was immediately having none of that.

“Reid, no. Don’t apologize for that, don’t you dare. He was a creep, I’m sorry you got caught up with him. It’s okay if you’re shaken up. We can stay here until you feel up to going back, or we can leave. But I’m not leaving you.”

And so they sat for a good amount of time on that park bench, at one point Derek stopped rubbing Spencer’s back, instead just keeping his arm stretched out against the back of the bench and against Spencer’s back. Spencer loved it, but he knew if he thought about it for too long he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking. That was his biggest problem, he couldn’t stop thinking.

He had to know, he decided, he couldn’t just wonder why Derek was on the committee for PFLAG. He wanted to know, he had to.

“Derek?” He spoke up softly, sounds of laughing and shouting and music were still heard in the distance, but they were safe from the sounds under the tree. “Mhm?” Derek hummed in response, looking up at the aforementioned tree that was providing shade for them.

His eyes were tracing the way the branches curved and bent around each other, it was something he did to pass the time. Spencer thought he was extraordinary for it, Derek loved to see where things went; he was curious- after all these years, and all the bad they had seen together, Derek still loved to search and find the beauty.

“Why are you on the PFLAG committee ?” Spencer asked him, it was thankfully an innocuous enough ask to not draw too much of Derek profilings side out to pry apart his question. Derek shrugged, and was quiet for a second before responding, “I know what it’s like to be a scared kid, unsure of his identity. If I can help someone through that, that’s all that matters. Same reason I’m in the BAU, to help people.”

Spencer stayed quiet, Derek’s reason was so sincere and so sweet and kind- and only driving him to think further. Was Derek still unsure of his identity? Was he an ally? Why did he have to make Spencer swoon so hard without even trying?

“So, you’re just an ally?” Spencer approached Derek carefully with that question, not wanting to impose or be rude- but just feign simple curiosity, praying Derek wasn’t using his profiling skills right now to decode Spencer’s fake motive.

Derek didn’t notice, thankfully, as he chuckled lowly in response; “No, pretty boy, I’m bisexual. I don’t really tell the team, but it’s not confidential information. Plus, Garcia found Grindr on my phone. Can’t hide anything from that girl.”

Spencer nodded, mumbling something in response about how Garcia had hacked his email to make sure he was free for pride. And then, the two fell into silence again. But it didn’t last for long, because Derek wanted to know just as much, why was Spencer here?

“What about you, Reid?” Derek asked him cautiously, the way you approach a puppy you find on the side of the road. Calm and slow, trying to get him to trust him bit by bit. “What about me?” Spencer asked, not wanting to answer anything about himself unless Derek was specific.

“Are you an ally?” Morgan asked him, leaving the question open ended. Spencer could say as little or as much as he wanted. This is how you get him to open up, Derek knew that for a fact. “Um.. yeah, I mean- who isn’t? I just- I have to be. I’m.. gay.” Spencer admitted all too awkwardly, not at all in a normal fashion. But nothing about Spencer was in normal fashion.

Derek nodded slowly, not responding as he stared back up, tracing his eyes over the tree branches yet again.

A few hours had passed, Spencer and Derek eventually left their peaceful bench under the large oak tree, and instead moved back towards the parking lot.

“Garcia’s got a ride home already- I think she got that drag queen to get her home.” Derek explained as they approached his truck, Spencer nodded as he followed Derek. “Anyways,” Derek continued speaking, “I can give you a ride home. Let’s get going.”

“You don’t have to-“ Spencer started, Derek immediately shut him down. “I want to, c’mon. It’s late, you’re tired. I know you are. Let me take you home.” Spencer just nodded in agreement, he couldn’t argue with Derek, even if he did try. Morgan was a stubborn man.

So, Spencer followed Derek into his truck, and they sat in comfortable silence as they started on their journey back to Spencer’s safe space, his apartment.

By the time Derek pulled his truck into the apartments parking lot, Spencer knew something was just the slightest bit wrong. Derek had barely spoken for the entire ride, and usually he loves to say something, to make Spencer smile or laugh, or even just nod and mumble in agreement. But he had done none of that on the way to Spencers.

“Are you alright?” Spencer asked, turning to face Derek as he put the vehicle in park. Derek didn’t meet his eyes, staring at the steering wheel instead as he spoke; “Yeah. Sorry. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” Spencer pried, absentmindedly unbuckling his seatbelt as he spoke, “About today.” Derek said, not explaining further. “Was today bad?”

Derek shook his head, “No. It started weird, it’s ending pretty good, though. But I’m gonna regret today forever if I don’t do something right now.”

Now, Spencer was confused. Not sure at all what Derek could be talking about, “What do you mean?” He asked, voice quieter than before.

Derek said nothing as he unbuckled his own seatbelt, turning to face Spencer as well, and then he leaned in- closer than they had ever been before. Their noses were almost touching, and Spencer didn’t move. Instead, he watched Derek’s eyes expectantly.

Then, Derek broke through, they were no longer intersecting each other’s personal space- now they were fully destroying each other’s atmospheres. Derek’s lips were on Spencer’s, a chaste, soft, quick kiss- something Spencer would have wanted to go for a lot longer. But then, he pulled away just as fast.

“...That’s what I meant..” He mumbled after a second, looking back towards the steering wheel, looking away from Spencer- and more importantly, not seeing the smile on Spencer’s face.

Spencer couldn’t help it. He knew it was terrible to be smiling right now- he should jump and say something to fix what was happening. But he had to smile, he couldn’t believe that had actually just happened, his brain was still computing and re-circuiting, trying to savor the memory and not forget how Derek’s lips felt against his.

Spencer dragged himself out of his own head quickly, though. He did all he could think of to do in the moment, get Derek back. “Morgan.” Spencer said, tugging on Derek’s sleeve as he did so, forcing him to look back at Spencer and meet his eyes again.

But Spencer didn’t say anything, and he didn’t give Derek the chance to speak, either. Instead, he leant forward, pressing his lips against Derek’s. This is all he had wanted to know for the longest time, and now he had it.

Maybe pride wasn’t so bad after all, you just have to be with the right people for it to work out.

———————————————————————

196 notes · View notes

ebp-brain · 3 years

Text

the wolfstar fandom and the problem of gender policing

To begin with: some gay men are femme, and that’s okay. Some are not, and that’s also okay. When someone is telling you that only a certain gender presentation is allowed from a fictional character, that’s not activism or advocacy; that’s gender policing. Even if you’re a woman or nonbinary person writing about cis gay men, it’s still gender policing—you are allowed to explore the full range of gender and sexuality in your own life and art. It’s easy to be taken in by statements on Tumblr about How To Write Good Queer Representation, because we want to be good people, and we understand that the language we use and the stories we tell are important. But our desire to be good people can be manipulated until we don’t recognize that we are participating in harmful behavior, or that we are being impacted by bullying.

If you’re in the Wolfstar fandom and you’re feeling alienated, lonely, confused, hurt, or angry because of things you’ve been hearing about what Sirius’ gender presentation “should” look like: you are not alone. There has been a longstanding problem in this fandom (for at least two years as of early 2021) with some vocal, active, popular fan writers telling other people how they should depict Sirius’ and Remus’—especially Sirius’—relationship to gender and sexuality. Generally, they suggest that depicting gay men as femme or feminine is homophobic. In particular, they say that writing/drawing Sirius as femme, feminine, flamboyant, short, “whiny,” or a sub or bottom is Bad. The logic is that because there’s a stereotype about gay men being feminine, all depictions of feminine gay men are homophobic. Because these voices are so loud and have such intense, aggressive support, it is easy to feel that you are Bad if you disagree with them, or to think that you’re alone in your disagreement. You’re not.

It’s important to recognize that this group of people is engaging in bullying. Not “wank,” not “discourse,” not “drama”—bullying. When you see them targeting other people’s work, it may seem like a petty personal dispute, or on the other hand like a legitimate conversation about gender and sexuality; it is neither. These folks are friendly, welcoming, and supportive right up until the moment someone disagrees with them—and then they attack that person and demand an apology. Because they use the language of social justice, and because they’re only antagonistic to people who question them openly, it’s easy to think they’re courageously protecting vulnerable people and standing up for what’s Right. But they aren’t. They are using their own identities and feelings to dictate how everyone else should behave while disregarding other people’s identities and feelings.

They claim that Sirius shouldn’t be written as “stereotypically gay” (i.e. feminine) because it hurts gay men; they claim that they are fighting homophobia. What they are really doing is gender policing. Awhile back, they started off by saying “Sirius shouldn’t always be feminine or always bottom in all fic.” Sure, true enough. But then it became “Sirius should never be feminine and never bottom.” And then it became “Sirius should never be short and whiny” (because those are apparently feminine traits). And now it seems to be “no one should ever depict cis gay men as feminine.” Allegedly because that’s “stereotyping,” but in practice this idea shames femme gay men, nonbinary femme folks, and any trans men who can’t or don’t want to present as masculine. It is gender policing disguised with social justice language.

Here are some red flags to look out for in the Wolfstar fandom—phrases that signal that you might be reading something that’s participating in gender policing, even if it doesn’t seem like it on the surface. They include:

“short, whiny Sirius”;

“let Sirius top”

“stereotypical gay man” (in the context of men being written as femme, not in the context of like…shitty mass media representation from the 90s)

“let men be men”

“women writing m/m” used in a derogatory way

and a couple that seem totally innocuous, even good, but mean something different in this context, like:

“being gay shouldn’t be your whole personality”

“topping or bottoming shouldn’t be your whole personality”

I’ve heard quite a few people talk about their feelings of isolation, confusion, self-doubt, frustration, and shame as a result of the bullying that’s been happening over the past few years in this fandom. Lots of people have left Wolfstar or Tumblr because of it. The good news is that a lot of Wolfstar folks are still out there: much of the fandom is flourishing on Discord, on Ao3, and in private messages. You can find your people! They’re the ones who actually listen respectfully to what you say, don’t shame you for mistakes or disagreements, and practice kindness and care.

And please look out for yourself. Try to recognize when your feelings of shame or guilt are a result of coming into contact with bullying and manipulation. Try not to accidentally spread transphobic and effeminophobic (anti-feminine) ideas and language; really think through what a post is saying before liking or reblogging it. And if you’re feeling hurt by what’s been said about gender expression within this fandom, know that you have lots of support and solidarity. We’re still around—we’re still around, and we love all your gender-related headcanons: we love a burly bearded biker Sirius; we love a five-feet-in-socks Sirius with a tendency towards dramatic temper tantrums; we love Sirius in lipstick and Sirius in crop tops and Sirius in ripped jeans. We love power bottom Sirius and ace Sirius and dom Sirius in high heels and Sirius who doesn’t care about how he has sex as long as it’s with Remus. We love Sirius who thinks being a trans man is the most important part of who he is and Sirius who thinks being a trans man is simply a basic fact of life. We love your fics and art and posts that explore your own weird complicated messy queer relationship to gender and sexuality. Of course we do. <3

(Also: I’ve got Big Anxiety and may or may not respond to comments on this post. I definitely will not respond to comments purposely misrepresenting my argument. I feel no particular need to defend myself; everyone can decide for themselves whether they think what I say is valid, and if I’m silent in response to criticism it’s not because I can’t think of a solid response—it’s because I don’t think responding is going to help myself or anyone else have a better experience on Tumblr and in this fandom. I’ll try to answer genuine, in-good-faith questions if I have the wherewithal to do so, and if you want to just message me and chat or say hi or share headcanons, I’d love that!)

289 notes · View notes