#ESPECIALLY AFTER THE 30 SECS HE GOT

[cherrystixz]

Look all I'm saying is season 6 is a Jay season, season 12 is a Jay season and technically Dragons Rising is season 17 (if you count the island as a full season) sooo next season should be 18.....

Basically if next season isn't a Jay season I'm rioting

[seattlesellie]

thinkin abt eating bbf!ellie out while she’s gaming and on a call with reader’s brother ☺️

she would have to keep muting her headset every 30 seconds bc she couldn’t keep quiet and eventually would just toss her controller on the floor and end the call so she could fuck reader stupid while reader’s brother is spamming her w texts asking where she went 😭

-🪷

ok u got me with this… 💗🪷

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

ʚɞ it was purely innocent at first, you swore to god it was. what’s so wrong about sitting on your girlf— well, that isnt quite right. on your frien— god, thats not exactly it either. on your… brother’s best friends (that’s better) lap while she’s playing a video game? she let you in, in fact, she signaled you to come closer with a small pat on her thigh before you did. “m’not a dog…” you scoffed, pouting before rolling your eyes, desperately trying to hide the fact that even that mere, simple gesture made it feel funny in your stomach. “no, but you’re my—“ she stopped, and grazed the corner of her mouth with her tongue. “just come warm me up”

ʚɞ that was her excuse for everything. wanted to hold your hand after splitting you raw? it’s just to warm her up. move closer while her arm is loosely placed on your chest while “hugging” you from behind while laying on the bed? come warm her up. she’d never admit she just yearned to feel you close, craved to touch you at any given moment, as if you’d slip away if she didn’t.

ʚɞ she was wearing her headset, and a couple of baby hairs frizzled up on the top of her head. both hands on the controller, wrapped tightly around your waist, continuously yelling at someone you guessed was a complete stranger she was playing with. “who are you talking to?” you questioned, trying to stop yourself from grinning at how cute she looked with her tongue poking out of her mouth when she was hyperfocused on the screen. “shh…” she sushed, slightly blowing out her eyes. “your brother”

“he can hear me?!” fuck. that came out way too loud. she abruptly placed her left palm on your lips, to shut you up. “just a sec, man” she spoke into the mic. “you cant make any noise” she whispered, and when you winced, she smirked. “just watch, and keep quiet”

ʚɞ being quiet, was not exactly your forte. especially not when you were supposed to (it was as if someone placed a red button with a huge sign of “do not press!”— you have to press.) and especially, while you were sat on ellie’s lap, and she kept sniffling and huffing and cursing those little “fuck” and “shit” under her breath and the air she blew, caressed your neck and made you shiver and… her hand, on that damn controller, her fingers circling the silicone ball, her thumb, to be more specific, and it’s a little fucking distracting— how she happens to bounce her leg, making you bounce up and down with it’s movement, every time she's upset someone had killed her in the game, and how when she wins a round, she lays herself back on the chair, spreads her legs and cockily murmurs into the mic “fucking got you, asshole”

ʚɞ did she know what she was doing, as she slapped your thigh when she won the 3rd round in a row? did she know that when she bounced you up and down, your tummy flipped and your eyes rolled back? even if she did know, what you did next was so not fair to her.

ʚɞ you pressed your ass deep inside her lap, making the fat squish down on her thigh, and she cleared her throat, and chuckled. clearly, it did something to her, her throat feeling suddenly dry, but she didn’t want you to know. you stopped, and she readjusted herself, straightening her back. “i’m out of fuc…ing ammo” and with that, you pressed your ass down even deeper into ellie’s lap, cause her face to twitch in the slightest. “give me some fuc—“ now, you purely rocked your ass back and forth on her crotch, staring at the screen, attempting to appear as aloof as you could. it made her stretch her head back, and huff out a small, shaky breath. she placed her hand on your thigh, and squeezed hard. it wasn’t a nice, thoughtful gesture, it was a sign to stop fucking moving, you’ve been warned. she was on a winning streak and you were about to ruin it.

ʚɞ your shorts were truly way too short, bordering on underwear, the material was truly too thin, and she could feel every inch of you through her sweats. your thighs, your feet rocking back and forth and kicking her on purpose, and your ass who grew to be the biggest distraction of all— “just a sec dude, im pausing just… taking a water break”

she was going to lose, and she knew it.

she took the headset off, and placed it, no— threw it on the table. “what are you doing?” she murmured in a low, raspy voice. you managed to catch your breath, and attempted to sound as angelic and innocent as you possibly could. “nothing…?” you quipped, and smiled softly. ellie slightly nodded her head up and down. “keep doing nothing, see where that gets you”

“not doing anything, swear” and the way you put your hand on your chest, right where your heart is, and then palmed it to give it the smallest, gentlest squeeze… “jesus fucking christ” she huffed, and stared down. she wasn’t going to get out of this, and she certainly wasn't going to win.

ʚɞ she spread her thighs wider, with you sat directly on her thigh, and put her headset back on. two can play this game. she didn’t want your brother to know about you two, and you didn’t want him to know even more. you moved yourself to sit right on her center, right where her crotch is, and the wheeze that came out of her mouth— “fffuck”

“you good, ellie?” that was your brother’s voice popping out of her headset. you were that close to her face. your cheek pressed up on her’s, and you moaned inside her ear, a small “aaah, ellie” and you knew that would get her, because nothing made her wetter than those damn moans, and when you added her name in the mix—she cleared her throat, and if you saw the way her eyebrows scrunched together, her eyelids simply resting shut because she had to physically restrain herself, you’d have probably started whining and begging. “m’good, yeah—keep going” was she talking to you, or to him? you made up your mind. she was talking to you.

ʚɞ you grinded youself back and forth again and again, and you knew you rubbed her right where she needed you. you pressed down hard, and it hit right on her clit. “god” she huffed, her breaths growing shaky and uneven. she bumped her crotch into your ass and it made you squeal like a chew toy. “sh— shut up” she groaned, and hastily placed her palm on your mouth again. “shut the fuck up bro”. it was truly disgusting, how turned on you were by grinding yourself up against her, letting her clothed crotch hump your ass. ellie, desperately dug her palm extra hard on the controller, as she felt a glob of slick leaking out of her cunt, because she knew that if she let it go, her hand would immediately drop down to your pussy, and start fucking you raw on the chair.

ʚɞ the wet, sticky patch in your underwear grew bigger and bigger every time you bounced, circling your ass in fast, needy movements on her crotch as if you were trying to win a race. ellie's mind left the game already, completely blind to what was happening on the screen, but kept on pretending. it was funny to her, truly, how pathetic you looked. your movements growing messy, sweat sticking down your forehead, your bottom lip between your teeth, and she almost let you use her body to cum, and you swore you almost did. your small chocked out breaths were growing heavier and needier, and you huffed small whispers of her name in broken little sentences. “mmhm el-lie” she smirked, and placed her hand up on the small mic to block the obscenity that was about to escape her lips; "about to cum in those little fucking panties? hm? you’re so fucking slutty”

ʚɞ and thats exactly when you stopped, and peeled your shaky body off of her. she seemed confused for a second, because god she was loving it, the way you tried to get her flustered and turned out a needy, flustered, moaning mess yourself. she didn’t even need to do anything, just purely exist, for you to nearly cum inside your shorts. her lips curled into to a small, teasing smile. “what are you doing?” she mouthed. you got down on your knees, placing yourself directly in front of her crotch. ellie hovered over you in a manspread, and you put your chin right on the chair. “nothing” you mouthed back, and gave her a small pout. she huffed, as her game character stood idly on the ground, a black rifle in her hand, and your brother paced nearer and nearer. you placed your hands on her thighs, and batted your eyelashes. she sighed, and gazed at you with a prying look.

“you’re gonna fucking kill me”

“hell fucking yes i am” your brother exclaimed, muffled in her headset.

ʚɞ you didn’t even peel the grey sweats out of her body, you straight up yanked them down. what you saw… didn’t disappoint you in the slightest. a wet spot, perhaps even bigger than yours, making her black boxers take even a darker shade of black. you let out a shaky “oh my… god”, as she slid off of the chair, her eyes rolling back. “m’playing… just keep fucking going i’m playing” again, she wasn’t talking to you, or was she? she looked at you again, warning you. you blinked slowly, trying to tease her as much as you could. ellie's eyes squinted, and she hesitated for a moment. she brought her hand down and caressed the top of your head. although she was gentle, you could tell how crazy you were driving her. she bucked her hips forward, and mouthed; “lick”

ʚɞ firstly, you gave a small lick to the soft fabric, and felt her tangy sweet taste just merely grazing your pink muscle. then, she aggressively patted her hand on the top of your head, again, and made you look up at her. her eyes turned a darker shade of emerald green, and she looked angry. “dont play with me” she mouthed, and squeezed your cheeks together. she gave the right one a small pat, and then a stinging little slap, making you yelp. she was in control, and she was going to use you.

ʚɞ she placed the controller on your fucking head, and pushed her soaking boxers down, to lay loosely wrapped aound her ankles. ellie pushed your face forward to meet her weeping core, and you immediately stuck your tongue out, to gift a delicate, slow lick to her glistening, peachy pink folds. you pushed it inside of her hole, and she clenched right on it. she gripped the controller harder, and looked absolutely gone. no matter how hard she pushed your head, you didn’t dare to ever meet her clit, the brat that you are, because you thought it was so much more fun to watch her suffer. “mmfuck” she groaned, “fuck— y-you man” and the way she whimpered right into the mic; “m’good dude just— fuck just my arm hurts” and looked downwards to give you a look that was purely warning you— keep on playing with her like that and she’d fucking make it hurt.

ʚɞ it was torturous, and she really got truly delirious, the way in which you licked around her cunt, stopping your movements to plant a simple, delicate little kiss on her thigh, just to hear her respond with a throaty groan, look down at you with her bangs sticking to her forehead, hand shaking around the black controller, biting her lip hard— because if she didn't, she would have moaned so loud she'd get kicked out of your family's home for fucking with your brother's precious sister. she shook her thigh to get you off of it, and it signaled to stop fucking teasing. "I can'— fuck— man fuck, im gonna fucking— lose the fucking game" she stutters, sounding like a complete idiot, biting her fist hard and twisting her face, her jaw clenched so tight because if he hears her, he's gonna think she's either about to pass completely out, or think she's in heat— and the fact that you won't, absolutely refuse to give her needy clit any attention, and the way you look so concentrated on torturing her, keeping your eyes fixated on her’s, acting all brave because you know she cant talk, and cant do anything because she’s fucking “busy” oh, you pissed her off— your mouth stuffed with her cunt, looking up to her as if you're not trying to kill her;

nope. she can't do this anymore. she grabbed the back of your neck forcefully, and pulled yourself off of her. you pout, and then you're slightly terrified, because the controller just met the floor with a loud thud. "i'll be back in 5 minutes" she breathlessly talks into the mic.

“swear— five fucking minutes, gimme five”

ʚɞ you both stare at each other for a moment, as if you're communicating with just looks, and she lifts herself off of the chair and you pounce back, but she's quicker than you.

you dont know how you find yourself pushed against the mattress, with her hand around your throat. she's not pressing, it's just wrapped around it, and she's angry.

"you fucking..." you look to the side, trying to avoid her piercing gaze. the wall, apparently, has a lot to say. "look at me" she whispers, and forces you to turn your head around and face her. freckles splattered all over her face, you try and concentrate on them but she's chasing your eyes.

ʚɞ she's too quick, it's all too fucking quick and you whine so loud, your back arching off of the bed and she presses you down, shoves her hand inside of your panties and chuckles; "you're a fucking... you're so fucking..." she’s breathless, and famished, because she doesn't even finish that sentence before her lips are on yours, hips jerking forward, as soon as she feels the puddle, or the sea, that's right inside your panties.

"fucking tease"

ʚɞ you swear you’re vibrating on her hand. “pl—ease” you plead, your voice whiney and quiet because all of a sudden, ellie has the upper arm, and you, poor you— can’t tease her anymore. “please what?” she coos. “please ellie…” and she cups your tits, both of them, and squeezes them together so tight it makes you leak down your thigh.

“s’not good enough” she tsk’s, bringing her forehead to meet yours. she merely hovers over your clit, and it’s that friction you were looking for so hard and—

her phone buzzes.

“where the fuck are you?”

“?”

“????”

“hello?”

she places the phone screen in front of you, pinches your chin with her index finger and her thumb, makes sure you actually look, and types;

“i’m fucking your sister, brb”

your breath hitches, and she chuckles, deeply and mockingly, like shes making fun of you.

“should i press send?” she teases.

“no…” you stutter, and yet again, attempt to wear the purest, most angelic and divine expression on your face. “oh… no?” she mocks, plunging a finger inside of you deep, cooing at how you gasp silently, imitating your gasp right back to you.

“nonono” you blabber incoherently, and she’s not even moving her finger, just letting you warm it inside.

“s’too bad…”

and with that, she presses “send.”

a moment passes.

“not funny dude”

oh, he didn’t buy it.

[angelicdanvers]

BRACELETS | luke castellan.

pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader

summary: y/n finds herself a friend to celebrate her special day with. takes place before the lightning thief. luke & y/n are the same age. wc: 1.9k key: n/n = nickname

taglist: @repostingmyfavs @rinisfruity14 @soobin-chois | pm or comment to be added <3

a/n: merry christmas to those who celebrate!! this goes out to all my loves who just wish for one person to embrace them and spread happiness <3

sixteen.

it was finally y/n’s sixteenth birthday, and once again, not a single person to celebrate with. being a child of demeter was sweet, everyone was kind all around, but y/n simply couldn’t find her people.

she got along with everyone, no one had anything against her. sure, older kids would pick on her from time to time, but that was an automatic agreement she signed when joining camp two years ago.

she just couldn’t develop as strong of a bond with anyone. she’d sometimes fall asleep with silent tears, wondering if she was broken or missing something key. if everyone was nice, why couldn’t she trust? form a relation?

the night wielded a nice breeze, wafting through y/n’s locks as she sat by the strawberry fields, playing with the leaves. a slight glow emitted from her fingertips as she trailed them along the soil, a small smile on her lips. 

glancing towards the amphitheater, she could see those her age dancing and singing, having the time of their lives. the younger kids had dispersed due to curfew, she noted. 

they all seemed to be in glee.

snapping her eyes shut, she fought back the intrusive thoughts and inhaled a sharp breath. opening her eyes, y/n grabbed some of the soil, stacking it into three layers. grabbing a strawberry, she delicately placed it atop and pulled away to admire her makeshift cake.

“happy birthday, n/n — happy sweet sixteenth,” she said loud enough just for her to hear. looking up at the glimmering stars, y/n decided to make a wish.

all i wish for is belonging. true belonging.

y/n went back to her cake, grabbing the strawberry and picking herself up from the ground. dusting herself off, she took her water bottle and gently rinsed the strawberry. placing it between her teeth and softly biting into it, she savoured the taste as she walked down towards the amphitheater and then the cabins.

she felt stupid for not wearing a proper jacket or shirt, but she did enjoy the fresh air leaving a chill to her skin. y/n was hoping her black tee would blend her into the night, especially as she neared the amphitheater. she wasn’t entirely keen on interacting more at the moment — it was past twelve and she knew she couldn’t match their energy.

“hey, y/n?”

the girl halted in her tracks. turning on her heel, she came face to face with none other than the loveable hermes boy lightly jogging up to her.

“hi luke,” she greeted, passing him a small smile. 

luke smiled back immediately. after a silent beat, he spoke again. “i just wanted to say, ha —“

“hey, luke! get over here, man, we need your backup vocals right now!” one of the hermes kids yelled, y/n couldn’t tell who from their distance.

“yeah, give me a sec!” he screamed, turning back to the girl.

“no dude, we need you RIGHT NOW! we’re gonna be mashed potatoes if you don’t!”

luke rolled his eyes, positioning himself back towards the theatre. “can’t you see i’m busy?”

“you can talk to anyone about anything whenever, luke! this is a one time exclusive!”

“stop quoting missy elliot, and no, give me two minutes!” he replied, a slight whine in his voice.

a scoff followed, “we’re gonna be eliminated, castellan!”

exasperated by bickering with his brothers, luke sighed and nodded. “i’ll be right there!” 

the boy instantly spun back around, wanting to wish the demeter girl a happy birthday.

she was at least 30 feet ahead of him, speed walking away with a slight slump to her shoulders.

luke’s smile dropped. another day, another day of being unable to fully attend to her. these countless moments have occurred more than he could fathom — he was always pulled away from the one girl he didn’t want to be pulled away from.

and yet here she was, disappearing out of his sight once again. “this karaoke better be worth it,” he grumbled under his breath as he trudged back.

the next morning was calm, not many campers up to anything special. there was a soft pitter patter on the window panes, but y/n didn’t mind. the rain rejuvenated her.

throwing on her raincoat but paying no mind to her shorts or shoes, y/n left the cabin with her stash of bracelet material in her pocket and sprinted through the paths, heading to chiron and mr. d.

luke’s attention immediately perked up at the bolting girl, and he realized this might just be the one time he can say anything.

subtly running after her, he watched as she entered the big house and rather excitedly. he followed inside, keeping a distance when he heard her begin to speak to chiron.

he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he did hear it all.

“may i call my dad?”

“of course, y/n. here,” luke could hear the shuffle of a phone, and footsteps coming closer to the edge of chiron’s office. 

the dial tone was evident. it went through three times before he heard the young girl speak.

“hey dad. hope you’re doing good. should've known you weren't gonna pick up. i turned sixteen today, fyi. hope your kids are doing fine and same with that blonde bimbo,” she spat, making luke’s eyes widen. “i’m not coming home for christmas. might be early to determine but i’m sure i won’t. bye.”

she walked back to chiron, and luke could hear light sniffles coming from her. his heart sank. 

“for all it matters, i’m here, we all are. happy birthday, y/n. you’ve always made us proud, you’ve always been an asset to us, you deserve to know that no matter what,” chiron reassured, and luke could hear the girl softly thank him.

stepping outside of chiron’s office and shutting the door behind her, y/n broke into a sob in the hallway. it was one thing to have others not be around, but when family abandons, nothing feels real anymore. 

luke observed as she stopped her tears almost as quick as they started, wiping her eyes as she headed towards him, unbeknownst to her.

“uh,” luke cleared his throat, “hey, y/n.”

y/n’s face warmed up, startled at his presence. hurriedly fixing herself up, she nodded. “hi luke.”

“i’m sorry for last night,” he apologized, scratching the nape of his neck. “i was trying to talk to you but i guess i got carried away with everyone else,” he paused, looking down, “as usual. i’m sorry.”

y/n shook her head. “it’s okay. don’t apologize, life happens.”

“right,” luke acknowledged awkwardly. “speaking of life,” he approached her in a friendly manner, “i wanted to wish you a happy birthday last night. you’re sixteen, one of the biggest milestones in anyone’s life!”

his enthusiasm made the corners of y/n’s lips tug up, and she watched intently as he continued. “you deserve an amazing birthday, and i’m going to give that to you.”

y/n was not expecting that.

“c’mon, let’s go.” luke held his hand out to her, his dark curls practically bouncing in excitement. a sweet grin crept onto her face, making the young boy smile even wider. she accepted his hand, and the second he felt her palm within his, the fragility made him realize he could never be a part of something that’d hurt her ever again.

she was stronger than anyone he knew, enduring all the shit the world put upon her. he just knew he couldn’t be one of them to do the same. 

together, the two gracefully left the big house, trampling down to camp and rushing towards god knows where.

somehow, they ended up at the pavilions, and without a second thought, y/n pulled out her bracelet material. luke was confused but watched eagerly as she carefully took the little sacks out.

“wanna make some friendship bracelets?”

“friendship bracelets?” luke asked, unsure of the concept.

y/n nodded. “today’s the day someone willingly decided to hang out with me. i was going to make some alone but if you want, we can create matching ones and mark our friendship.”

luke grinned toothily, “so we’re friends now?”

y/n nodded, “i’d love to be, if you don’t mind.”

his eyes screamed happiness, “i definitely don’t mind.”

the two taped down their threads, choosing colours that work cohesively with one another’s. “now you’re gonna wanna take this thread and do a tuck-knot with it,” y/n explained, showing the boy to her left the steps.

after getting the basics down, the two fell into a comfortable silence, threading away and adding some cute hand-made clay beads here and there. “i’m not too childish for wanting to do this, right?” y/n suddenly asked, a nervous smile on her face.

luke shook his head and gave her a hearty grin. “i don’t think there should ever be such thing as “too childish”, sucks the life out of everyone,” he looked back down at the bracelet, “plus, when you’re a demigod, what else is there to do? play video games? we’d be dead in minutes.”

y/n laughed. luke froze.

he’d never heard her laugh this much. she sounded pretty.

“you’re not wrong,” she slowly caught her breathing and softly chuckled. “are you close to finishing your’s?”

the hermes boy nodded and watched intently as y/n’s delicate fingers tutored him on how to securely tie the ends of the bracelet. watching her move so effortlessly made his heart skip a beat — she was perfect.

even though this was the smallest activity they could ever do, she was perfect at it. it made him wonder why he didn’t seize the opportunity to be her friend beforehand.

“hey, y/n?”

“yes, luke?”

“i just wanted to say,” his breath lightly hitched when she began placing the bracelet on his wrist to make sure it was of right measurement, “that, uh, you’re really pretty.”

now it was y/n’s turn to freeze.

“but, i’m not doing all of this to just be your boyfriend or whatever. hell, we’ve just begun our friendship,” he stifled a small, sweet laugh, “so when i say this i really just mean it from the bottom of my heart. i don’t want it to influence you in any way, i just want you to know how i’ve seen you for the past two years.

“you’re gentle and loving, not to mention stealthy and incredibly intelligent. i love whenever i look over and you’re always doing something that captivates me. i’ve been an idiot to admire you from afar for this long, but you’ve always deserved to know and be appreciated. i’m sorry i couldn’t give that to you sooner.”

y/n looked into luke’s eyes, somber traversing in her’s. “may i hug you?”

luke nodded, and y/n wrapped him up in her arms. the boy held tightly onto her, a sudden thought of losing her intruding his mind of peace. “happy birthday, y/n,” he whispered into her ear as they continued to embrace.

“thank you, luke. this means the world to me.”

luke now knew he had to give her the world, no matter what.

their matching bracelets would only be a reminder of what there was, what there will be and what will be gone.

[sleepyhead0720]

cna you write Sanji x reader, where Sanji is jealous. So reader wanna buy something for Sanji a birthday and aks zoro to help her with blade knowledge ( she wanna buy him a good kitchen knife) , bur he aussumes she has a crush ?

Sure! Ty for requesting<33

Masterlist

I love you, not him

You have had a crush on a certain love cook for a while. Long enough for Zoro to notice the obvious lovesick looks you sent to him,

“Oi, out of everyone why that swirly brows?

“H-huh??”

When zoro approached you about it,

You finally caved in and asked for his help.

“His birthday is coming up, could you help me?”

“Why me??”

“Because you know the most about blades and since I want to get Sanji some new cooking materials I need your help! Besides I don’t wanna get teased by nami or Robin”

He agreed once you promised him to buy him a lil something for his birthday too

So once the ship docked the two of you went to explore the island together in search of cooking materials

On your way off the ship though, you felt like you were being watched by someone.

|———————————————————————|

“Zoro! What about this one??”

You waved the sharp object around

“No, it’s too long, and stop waving it around!”

He grabbed your hand to stop you before grabbing the knife and putting it back

You sighed

“We’ve been to five shops and we haven’t gotten a single knife for his birthday!”

“We’ll find one eventually if ya stop complaining!”

You glared at him

“Oi y/n..”

“Yea? Did you find one??”

“No, but that love cook has been following us for the past 30 minutes”

He whispered

“What?? SAN-mph!”

He covered your mouth

“SHH! He’ll hear us!”

You slapped his hand away

“Since when??”

“Since we excited the ship”

“And you didn’t say anything??”

He shrugged

“But I think I have a theory,”

“And what’s that?”

He gestured for you to get closer as he leaned down to whisper something to you

“I think that love cook is a little jealous”

You blushed at the thought

‘Jealous? No way! Does he even like me back??’

You turned to face Zoro with blush still on your face which got even worse once you saw movement in a certain bush

“W-why do you think that??”

“Oh Cmon I know you aren’t that stupid to not notice the extra attention he gives you, especially the glares he gave me once we left together toward the first shop”

“H-he did??”

He sighed

“Yes”

You covered your mouth in attempt to hide your blush

“Well moving on, I think I saw a pretty good knife in that shop right there,”

He pointed at a nearby shop

You calmed down you blush as you nodded, heading to the shop

/——————————————————————-\

As you carefully placed the knife in a safe box you couldn’t help but think about what Zoro told you,

‘Extra attention? To me??’

You always thought he didn’t really like you since he was a little more quiet around you, that’s why you wanted his present to be special! And because your slight crush on the cook

When you and Zoro got back from the shopping, you payed a little more attention on Sanji’a behavior, and that’s when you realized that what Zoro said, was true

‘Maybe he really does like me’

You tried not to think about it much since you didn’t want to get your hopes up just in case

Zoro really was helpful the whole day so you decided to give him a little something since he was so much help

You looked yourself on the mirror and eventually got lost in your own thoughts

“Y/n-swan? Are you in here?”

Sanji’s voice interrupted your thoughts

“Yea m here! I’ll come down in a sec!”

You said not looking back as you fixed your makeup/hair

“Y/n-swan! You look lovely as always!”

He said with little hearts in his eyes

“Ah thanks Sanji! Oh! And happy birthday to you birthday boy”

He smiled back warmly

“Ah your too kind y/n-san!”

You giggled

“Oh! I totally forgot! Here”

You grabbed the safe box and gently gave it to him

“I wanted to give you this a little early because I just couldn’t wait!”

“Y/n-san! You shouldn’t have!”

You smiled back at him

“I had to! You deserve it after all!”

He took the box and softly opened it to reveal a sharp yet shiny knife inside along with a little note that read, ‘Happy birthday lover boy’

He blushed softly

“W-when did you get this?”

“Oh I got it yesterday when I got off the island!”

“But you were with Zoro the whole time!”

You tilted your head

“Yea… to get you this, Zoro is an expert on everything sharp yknow?”

You looked at him curiously

“Wait, how’d you know I was with him the whole time?”

He looked down as if he was ashamed

“I-erm…may have thought that you had a crush on that moss head and gotten a little jealous…. Just a little though!”

Your eye’s widened

He stayed quiet blush growing in his cheeks

“I-l…I sorta have got feelings for you y/n-san,”

He kept looking down as if waiting to get rejected

You blushed hard

“I…you do?”

He nodded,still not looking at you

You softly smiled

“M glad! Because I do too!”

He looked at you shocked

“Really?”

“Really”

He kept looking at you, as if expecting something, anything!

“A-and you aren’t kidding?”

“Nope!”

You smiled and carefully approached him before wrapping your arms around him

He hesitantly returned the gesture, both of you still blushing hard

“I love you, not him”

|———————————————————————|

Sorry this is so long-

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

1 min 30 sec of every Ghosts clapper board from the bloopers (in chronological order) Notes and observations:

I was able to tell the date from most boards, then sorted the rest by slate number (which was also how I knew the correct order of shots taken on the same day). The dates with question marks after them are best guesses, and just a question mark means the date cannot be made out at all. The series 3 blooper video was particularly poor quality, so that's why there are more question marks for that. Near the end of series 5 there were two angles of the same clapperboard, hence why I decided to stack the videos.

The more advanced artsy clapper boards seem to be reserved for slates that are even hundreds. I especially like the one from the second series where Robin has broken 3 light bulbs into the shape of 600. Another highlight is the Alison edition of Edvard Munch's The Scream (slate 1000 in series 5) which has entirely consumed the board part, forcing the actual shot information to migrate onto the clapper itself. Priorities, people!

For listeners of the Inside Ghosts podcast, you'll recognise the first episode shot in series 1 (and therefore ever) is episode 4, Free Pass, before they moved on to shooting the actual first episode of the show. Then in Woodworm Men, series 3, Alison, Cap, Pat, and Thomas setting up the tent and cooking dinner (Spaghetti Napolitana) was shot in sequence over the course of a single day (18 feb 2021) for the sake of capturing the progression of the natural light.

And as for Carpe Diem, if you remember Ben saying he was grateful the emotional scenes were shot in the morning followed by more physical stuff in the afternoon, with the latter he was referring to the scene where Cap broke in-tru-da-window (both shot on 27 feb 2023, and yes, I'll see myself out). Luckily for us, the former also coincided with slate 800, which is how we got the slate art of The Creation of Adam James.

Another more production-nerdy thing I noticed was for some shots in series 5 they used boards where the clapper part is not striped in black and white, but in the (digital) colour primaries, as well as including a greyscale. Maybe the purpose of this is to combine the functions of the ColorChecker and the clapper board, to expedite production? It still lacks most of the proper reference colours though, and the texture looks too glossy to make a good substitute. So maybe it's more of an additional crutch than a replacement?

Anyway, this was really interesting to compile, so I hope you enjoy it too!

[ghostssweetgirl]

crazy over you ~ simon ghost riley x reader slow burn/enemies to lovers

description: y/n gets transferred to task force 141 and quickly becomes friends with soap and gaz, but her and ghost "hate" each other for the first part.

warnings: mentions of violence and death (duh), alcohol intake, smoking (at some point), nsfw (at some point), subtle flirting with soap. i'm new to writing? so don't expect this to be the greatest. this is not in line with the game campaigns or missions. the only characters i included are y/n, soap, gaz, price, & ghost. i have no knowledge of the military this is just creativity

disclaimer: i do not own modern warfare or any of its characters.

chapters: next [distraction - strangers] last

A/N - Either I'm being too critical of myself, but I think my writing is getting worse lol, I hope you guys still enjoy though, sad chapter - I'm so sorry!

--

You stayed in the range for about an hour, shooting targets, brushing up on your throwing knives skill just in case, because now would be one of the best times to impress Ghost. The time alone was tranquility; you had an awesome night and morning, so it was nice to relive the moments in your head while you were training. 

After another 30 minutes, you sighed and started cleaning your gun. They should be ready anytime now, you thought. You were ready to get this over with. You walked over to the safe house to gather your bags, seeing Soap and Ghost gathering their equipment and greeting you.

"Hey, lass, you ready?" Soap asked.

"Just gotta grab my stuff, too. Just one sec," you informed. You took note of how Ghost didn't speak to you, or even look at you. 

--

Gathering into the vehicle, Ghost started going on about the mission. "We're going to a destroyed village scoping for survivors, other forces in the military called us for help. Price and Gaz are doing a quick mission and will join us as they finish. Enemies might be hiding out, we got to watch each other's six's." 

"Yes sir," you and Soap said together. 

"'S gonna be a long ride," Ghost sighed, starting the jeep and driving off.

You caught up on some much-needed sleep during the ride. 

--

Arriving to the site, Soap's mouth opened in surprise, "Steamin' bloody Jesus..."

"Absolutely destroyed..." you added.

Well, this was going to take forever, you thought. A whole village, strips of shops and bundles of houses completely destroyed to rubble, along with furniture and what was left of the food in the shops. From what you could see, there would be no survivors, and if there were, they were surely to die before you found them.

Everyone gets out of the vehicle, strapped with their weapons. 

"Fuckin' bastards..." Ghost rasped as he checked his heartbeat sensor to see nothing as of right now. "Be lucky if anyone survived this."

"Right..." you looked around, taking in all the damage, wondering what happened but learned better than to ask questions. 

--

It took hours to sweep through what was left of each building, looking under rocks for people, animals, any signs of life. The only thing you guys found was a kitten, and it was in bad shape, all black. He limped towards you, meowing, nearly screaming for you to notice it.

"Aww, little fella... Hey..." you cooed at it before carefully picking it up. Soap came over to pet it, frowning at its condition.

"L.T..." Soap called in a sad tone.

"We're not having a kitten, 's another mouth to feed, and it's likely to die," he said plainly.

"Have you no heart for this little cutie?" you brought him to the Lieutenant. "Look at him. Just look at him."

He sighed, rolling his eyes before he glanced at the kitten. "Yeah... I guess it's cute... I'm not taking care of it. Put it in a box in the jeep or something, we're not really in a position to hold onto it, especially in the middle of a mission."

"Cannae believe how it survived... Must be so scared, little one," Soap worried. 

"Thank you! Just for a little while you'll be alone in the jeep, baby. I promise we're coming back for you. You're safe here. I'm going to take care of you," you cooed at it while you found a box big enough to hold it in the jeep, thankfully the weather was neutral, and though you worried, you figured at least you'd try to rescue it. 

--

You met them after you had to backtrack to the jeep to get the kitten to safety. As you met them, they were crouched watching the heartbeat sensor, there were a group of people up ahead in one of the least destroyed buildings. 

"There's at least 20 of them," Soap whispered.

Ghost looked around, calculating the best options. "We sneak up on them on the left, they're aimed towards the right as if they're expecting company that way."

"Ready, Diamond?" Soap nodded towards you.

"Ready as can be."

You followed suit, sneaking up on the left side of the alleyways. As everyone crouches behind a cement block, Ghost snipes one, getting their attention but they couldn't see you guys. 

"Move," Ghost ordered as they looked down the middle path, searching. 

As you guys get closer, a gas fills the air, instantly taking your breath. It burned. Your eyes, your mouth, your nose. Choking and gagging, surely to give away your positions, you leaned down, covering your face to no avail.

The men were choking as well, they moved forward taking cover, but you were unable to see where you were going, following them to the best of your ability. But you couldn't see. 

"Fuck! Guys, I can't see!" you called.

Suddenly you collapsed in front of them, bleeding from your abdomen. Hardly able to react from exposure to gas, you groaned in pain, crawling to them. Ghost looked back and forth from you and the enemy, concerned; distracted. Not like him.

"Fuck! Guys... guys..." you panted, grabbing your stomach while you started feeling faint, seeing stars and flashes of white mixed in with the burn of the liquid of the gas.

The ringing in your ears caused you unable to make out what they were saying, but they both took care of the rest of the enemies as the gas evaporated. Your vision slowly coming back, but consciousness fading, the pain was unbearable, and reminded you of when you saved Ghost. Just your fucking luck, right? Injured again. This time shot. You didn't make out Ghost screaming into the walkie that he needed evac asap, that his soldier's been injured and needs help now. There was a strain in his voice, like he's lost someone before, and it couldn't happen again. 

Your vision was black, a deep sleep enveloped you while you were being carried to the helicopter. Price and Gaz showed up at the very end, and the enemies ended up defeated.

--

You regained consciousness the next morning, to a hospital room, looking down, you see gauze wrapped around your stomach as memories came rolling in, reminding you what happened. Fuck. 

"Fuck, I hope the kitty's okay..." you whimpered quietly. 

A few moments later, a nurse brings you your breakfast, nasty grits with toast and scrambled eggs with a cup of grape juice. Ugh. 

 "You have a visitor, sweetie," she smiled at you as you painfully sat up to take your first bite. "Should I allow him in?"

Him? Ghost.

"U-uh sure..." you looked away, now worried. You know you've disappointed him twice on a mission now that you've been injured again while with him.

He walked in after the nurse exited, but he seemed disgruntled, the black paint around his eyes was smeared, eyes seemed heavy.

"Hey..." you muttered.

"I... I'm glad you're okay," he sighed, standing straight with his hands in his pockets. Weird, you'd think he'd come sit on the bed with you.

"I... I'm sorry, Simon," you apologized, your teary eyes meeting his tired ones. "I-is the kitten okay?"

You share a moment of silence, anxious for what he was to say next, you couldn't tell if he was mad, sad, hurt... What was it? 

He chuckled at your concern for the kitten, shaking his head 'yes'. 

"I couldn't see... I panicked, honestly, I-"

"We can't afford this, y/n," he broke you off, earning a confused, hurt look on your face. 

"What? Simon... Really? I really, really like you... Please..." Fuck, you don't know why you're begging. It became instinct when you heard those words.

His brows furrow in a way that showed this may have been hard, or uncomfortable... He looks you over one last time before breathing out before he turned around. He grabs the door handle, looks back at you and quietly mumbles, "Can't afford distractions, soldier."

"Simon, please..." 

Not like this. 

You push your food away, losing your appetite while you stared at the ceiling. Unable to think, unable to move, you barely hear your heart monitor beep faster. You burst into tears, the shaking of your body as you cried made your wound ache worse. 

You didn't react to the nurses rushing in, them checking your pulse, waving their hands in front of your face. 

Just like that. It felt like you were strangers again. Starting all over. Why? 

[leiawritesstories]

I saw the below prompt and could easily imagine Aelin running a black market of printing services and I would love to see what kind of favors she’d take from a certain buzzard who is pressed for time.. especially if they’ve maybe been secretly pining after one another this whole time? 👀

Prompt: You’re the only one in our college dorm building that owns a printer so you run a black market of printing services for favors/money/food/etc. I don’t have time to walk twenty minutes across campus to the library, please help me.

Congrats on 500!

ANON DID YOU READ MY MIND????

Okay so.....this is actually real-life me at my college 🤣🤣🤣 I own a desktop printer so I don't have to use the campus printing service all the time and half the people in my building want to use it. Naturally I charge a fee--either money or food or coffee, i'm not picky lol. Anyway this is literally me in real life except for the secretly pining part bc i'm very very single and I adore this prompt, thank you so so much 😁

Here you go!!

Word count: 870

Warnings: maybe some swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Galathynius! Do me a solid?"

Aelin glanced over her shoulder to find Fenrys jogging after her, catching up to her before they made it to the dorm building they both lived in. "What do you want, Moonie?"

The blonde huffed a dramatic sigh. "First of all, stop calling me that, you know it doesn't fit my mature persona." Aelin snorted so hard she almost coughed. Fen just rolled his eyes. "Secondlyyyy," he groaned dramatically, "I need to print a paper. Lemme use your printer? Pretty pretty please?" He widened his big brown eyes irresistibly.

"Your sad puppy face isn't gonna get you free printing, Moonie," Aelin drawled. "A dollar a page, or $30 flat if it's more than 20 pages."

"Highway robbery!" he gasped.

She rolled her eyes. "It's the same price I've always charged and you know it."

"Ugh, fiiiiine," he grumbled. "Unless...how about I cover your coffee for the next week?"

"Hmm." She pretended to seriously think about it, knowing full well that she'd accept. Who was Aelin Galathynius to turn down free coffee, especially when she spent somewhere around 40 dollars a week on her precious caffeine. "All right, I accept. I'll text you my drink order, and I expect it delivered every morning as I leave for my first class."

Fen saluted her. "Yes ma'am!" he chirped.

She smacked his shoulder teasingly. "Cut the flourishing, drama queen." Fen flashed her a grin and jogged off towards his next class, while she swiped her student ID in the building's card reader and walked into the dorm. She, Elide, and Lysandra shared a triple room with an ensuite bathroom on the fourth floor, so she had to climb three flights of stairs to get to her room. As she opened her door, she noticed a sticky note stuck to the wood. It wasn't uncommon; people who wanted to buy her printing service often left notes stuck to her door. She gave the note a cursory glance.

HELP! Need to print 30 pages for 2pm class! -RW, #350

Aelin glanced at her phone. It was 1:15 pm, meaning whoever had left that note was probably pacing around their room in distress right about now. So of course, she decided to go pay Room 350 a little visit.

"Ah, shit!" yelped a male voice from inside the room when she knocked. There was a flurry of noise and stumbling, and a tall guy wearing a UTerr Hockey sweatshirt opened the door, his pale blonde hair a frazzled mess. "Um, hi?"

"Well hello there, Whitethorn," Aelin smirked, delighted to see the normally perfectly put-together Rowan Whitethorn, star defenseman of UTerr Hockey, all flustered over not having printed materials for class.

"Aelin, thank the fuckin' gods," Rowan gasped. "Did you get my note?"

"Mhmm," she hummed, intentionally vague.

"Ae," he groaned, his desperation showing, "can you print my articles? Please?"

"Got payment?"

"I--yeah, gimme a sec." He vanished into his room and banged around for another couple of minutes, rummaging through drawers and probably his closet as he tried to find cash. He reappeared with a sheepish, embarrassed blush staining his chiseled cheeks. "Uh..."

"No cash?" Aelin clicked her tongue softly. "Sorry, Ro. I don't take credit cards."

"Please," he begged, dropping right down to his knees in front of her. "Fuck it, Ae, I'm desperate! I'm fucked if I don't come to class prepared, the professor already thinks all athletes are dumb jocks who pass classes on daddy's money." He clasped his hands together and stared imploringly up at her, his deep green eyes wide and pleading.

A very naughty part of Aelin wanted to tell him all the sinful ways he could pay her for printing his articles. But because she was a mature woman, she kept that part of herself quiet.

"Well," she mused, "I suppose you could offer me a favor, but it better be worth thirty pages."

Rowan closed his eyes and tipped his head back, a soft groan slipping from his lips as he frantically tried to think up a worthy favor. That gods-damned little groan of his did bad, bad things to Aelin's naughty little inner voice.

Or maybe that was just her enormous little crush on him.

"Dinner." Rowan's voice broke through her traitorous wandering thoughts.

"What?"

"I'll buy you dinner," he repeated. "Anywhere you want, as much food as you want. I swear."

Aelin couldn't have stopped her response no matter how hard she tried. "Like a dinner date?"

Rowan's face flushed a surprisingly endearing shade of vibrant pink. "Um...yeah?"

A tiny, pleased smile curled the corners of Aelin's lips, blooming into a full-blown smile the longer she made him squirm. "Okay, I accept. It's a date." Without waiting for his response, she waltzed off.

When she returned to his room, his articles in hand, he was waiting by the door. He took the papers from her with a slow, relieved smile that made a dimple in his left cheek pop out.

"Thanks, Ae."

"Of course." She waved him off. "Better not be late, Ro."

"You too." Her brows furrowed in confusion, and he winked. "Our date, darlin'. Seven o'clock tomorrow. I'll pick you up."

Gods help her, she could not wait.

~~~

TAGS:

@live-the-fangirl-life

@superspiritfestival

@thegreyj

@wordsafterhours

@elentiyawhitethorn

@morganofthewildfire

@backtobl4ck

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@house-of-galathynius

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@silentquartz

[ricksanchezsimpaccount]

ok thoughts on the new episode,

SPOILER WARNING obviously

although honestly I don't think I'll be saying anything that others haven't already said haaaaa

anyway finally, a chance for morty's new VA to shine, and GOD does he. I love the way Evil Morty talks, idk why but that bored "uh huh" when Rick tries shooting him several times is soooo funny to me. he killed it and so did ian cardoni (the way he screams "I'LL KILL YOU" after slow mobius' death OOOOOUUUU CHILLS)

i honestly did not expect to see Evil Morty again, and even though I'm kinda sad he didn't get the lasting peace away from Rick that he wanted, he is a DELIGHT to see in action!! i love his interactions w Rick, it's so interesting having a Morty that's on par/better than Rick. although I'll be honest....he kinda feels like a Rick himself, especially w the cybernetic augmentations he also has--at least to me. Wonder if that's going to be brought up again later down the line, something about becoming the monster you fight against i LOVE how we got to see his backstory finally, like others have said I'm really happy that he was just a "normal" Morty. his Rick wasn't anything special. he literally was just a Morty who finally got sick of Rick's shit. i loved the reveal too, bc they DID have me going for a sec there, I thought who we were seeing was OUR morty Indiana Jones Rick 💘💘💘😳😳😳😳😳💦 that's all I'm saying on that And ok, DO I think Rick Prime is dead? like ACTUALLY dead? Honestly...yes. At least I hope so. I think it'd be FAR more compelling for Rick to be like "...now what?" and for the show to actually explore and unpack that, over it being like HAHA SURPRISE RICK PRIME'S NOT ~REALLY~ DEAD you know?

Because yeah. He got his revenge, the revenge he's literally been chasing...basically his entire life, like...since his, what, 30s? And it didn't feel good. It didn't fix things, it didn't make him feel better. He feels as empty as he did before and NOW he doesn't even have a goal to strive towards anymore. There's nothing. And I feel like the ending of the episode did a REALLY good job of portraying that just numbness. He probably fantasized about this moment the WHOLE time and it absolutely didn't live up to it. It wasn't glorious or feel liberating, he just ends up covered in blood and feeling more hollow and broken than before. That's just...kinda how trauma is Morty at first hesitating to touch Rick but eventually hugging him anyway was so sweet ;_; Anyway as for the cinematography of the episode itself...absolutely stellar. Great fights, the SCOPE of everything, the backgrounds and settings, it's wild how much this show has popped off with its animation (it's honestly so funny seeing them stitch in clips from Season 1 in there bc the CONTRAST in animation quality is astounding. its like when artists on twitter do the "my art from 10 years ago vs now" comparisons LOL. LITERALLY, SEASON 1 WAS 10 YEARS AGO). The just dead silence as Rick punches Rick Prime to death (only sounds of course being rick talking and punching), the whole exchange that happened during it, how just downright BRUTAL it was, that entire scene was crafted so well, and others have pointed out the significance of Rick literally beating Prime to death with his bare fists instead of using his tech or weapons or anything, which i feel like was definitely on purpose, and i love man this post ended up longer than i anticipated I'M SORRY. THIS EPISODE DESTROYED ME EMOTIONALLY AND I LOVE WHEN THIS SHOW DOES THAT ✌✨ MY BRAIN'S BEEN BUZZING. IF YOU READ ALL THIS RAMBLING THANKS I GUESS HLFDKSJFH

[pepper-steam-milkshake]

okay so. thinking about the new episode. season 5 finale. lets jump into it

So. That's it?

Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed about this episode because while things got resolved, I felt like there wasn't much emotional resolution? I don't know. Because like, obviously Fyodor's dead and Fukuchi's dead (before I hear anything about either of these, I'm touching back on those in just a sec), and Bram's back to being a full bodied individual, I'm not that satisfied. For god knows how long, the ADA has been divided, being treated like terrorists and what not, and they just. Resolve it like that? Dazai isn't even back with them yet, we didn't even see Yosano, like. I want to see the band back together again. I want to know how everyone's recuperating after that shit show of an arc, because that was a lot.

-

We're just. Not going to talk about Meursault?

On the note of resolution, yeah, I'm kind of annoyed that we didn't get more SKK. Not even like, ship content. I don't even care about that part, I think we all knew that was coming, and whatever, like, it doesn't matter.

What I care about is like. Any conversation of what the fuck happened in Meursault. There is no god-damn way that Dazai planned all of that with Chuuya pretending to be a vampire. There's just--can we talk about this? Please? What the fuck happened in there? What happened when we couldn't see things? How much of that was acting, and how much of that was real? Like. Chuuya was wearing contacts and fangs this whole time--okay?

-

Fyodor's not dead.

I want to talk about this, because my initial reaction was "oh shit, they fucking killed him off.

And then. I looked this up.

Eli, Eli, lama sabachtani.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.

Spoken by Jesus right before he dies, and then gets resurrected, three days later.

You know, that's pretty damn suspicious. Especially since we don't see a dead body. Originally, I was like, "oh, we have an arm, he's lost his arm, he must be dead."

That's not a body.

Something weird is going on here. I get the feeling this isn't the last we'll see of Fyodor or of Nikolai, for better or worse.

It's also intriguing that Fyodor didn't bother to take the antidote once he received it.

Hm. Perhaps he suspected that in a few minutes, he wouldn't need it.

I don't know, just theorizing.

-

What the fuck happened to Sigma?

Literally, that's it? Sigma's just. Comatose? Forever? Was he left in Meursault? Stuck like that? After an information overload? That's it? Dazai and Chuuya seemed to give zero fucks about it (which is not surprising considering they just met him, but still) (this is not a "WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DON'T CARE" comment, this is a general like "they've got more pressing priorities than a man they've known for about 30 minutes tops"), which seems to imply that he was just left there in that state.

Is Sigma just going to stay imprisoned in Meursault in that state? Because as a member of a terrorist group--which after all this, I'm hoping it's established that the true terrorist group was in fact the Decay--it would make sense for him to be held in the top security prison that they just broke out of.

Also, what the fuck is going to happen with Meursault. They destroyed quite a bit of that. Like. Is Dazai going to receive a call about "hey, bestie! you kinda destroyed our high-security government facility, time to pay up lol" LIKE. HELLO.

-

Fukuchi's "curse" on Fukuzawa-- what is that going to mean for his future and that of the ADA's?

It'd be very easy to say that Ranpo was speaking metaphorically about Fukuchi cursing Fukuzawa, but this is BSD. A lot of weird shit happens.

In any case, ignoring that, we now know that Fukuchi seemed to plan for Fukuzawa to be the one to kill him, and that One Order would actually respond to Fukuzawa. He has put him into this role of the chief commander of the Army of Mankind--not sure if that's official or not, but that could have big implications for Fukuzawa and the ADA going forward. And now, he has One Order, and can't destroy it, which begs the question:

What next?

EXCEPT FOR FUCKING THIS:

-

TWO. HOURS. THEY GOT TWO HOURS BEFORE THINGS WENT BACK TO SHIT.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

ARE YOU SERIOUS.

TWO. GOD DAMN. HOURS.

AND EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY GONE BACK TO HELL.

Albeit, Akutagawa's back and got a fire af fit, but EVERYTHING HAS GONE BACK TO HELL. ALREADY.

And, the worst part?

That's got to be fucking Fukuchi, who we just saw die.

The scars on the face. The hair. The buff ass body.

And that fucking sword.

Which means that within those two hours, something went very, very wrong.

No one else is in sight. Atsushi is currently fighting Fukuchi again. Akutagawa has either been fighting at his side or is now fighting with him.

What's even more fascinating is the cloth mask over Fukuchi's face. Intentionally obscuring his vision, and our vision of his face.

Let's take a further, closer look, shall we?

This man. Has no feet. His hands have become claw-like, black. There appears to be antlers popping out of his head.

Something really fucking weird is going on, and you know what? We're not finding out shit for god knows how long, because we didn't even get to all this stuff in the manga yet.

-

Other Thoughts

Akutagawa's Return: The boy has come back! He's not dead! That's wonderful! Plus, he's got a badass new look. However, he and Atsushi are already going head-to-head again with Fukuchi(?). (Also, someone commented on here--I can't remember who--about how he has armor covering his neck, and TOO SOON. HE JUST CAME BACK. STOP.)

Bram Stoker: The man has been freed from the sword, which also begs the question of what exactly will happen to said sword, but that's a later problem, most likely. The man now has two legs, is alive... what's he gonna do? My bets are that he's going to hang out with Aya, the reincarnation of his daughter, because why the fuck not. It's not like he has anything better to do at the moment.

Vampires: Uh. People are still vampirized. Albeit, when we see Akutagawa again in the preview, he is very notably not a vampire anymore, but how did that happen? Can Bram just, revoke his ability? Probably.

Dazai's Return: Listen, man. He's been in jail for months. I just want to see him reunite with everyone again. I want to see Atsushi and Kunikida going "holy shit you're back". I want Ranpo to make fun of him for going head to head with Fyodor. I want to see him recovering from the shit that happened in Meursault. You know what I want? I want him to stop playing chessmaster for one fucking moment and just. Relax. Take a nap. Jesus fucking christ.

Jouno: We didn't see him in this episode. At all. Where is he? Where did he go? Why isn't he here? If the vampirization is taken away, he's got to be free.

The Hunting Dogs: Are we going to continue seeing them, or was this the last of them? Honestly, it'd be interesting seeing them becoming a more permanent fixture in the cast, kind of like how the Guild has functioned.

Man. Now we got to wait aaaaaaaaaall over again.

Welp. Time to wait for the start of next month...

[ota-division]

Chinami's Thoughts on Katsushika Division

Akihisa Mashiro

Heading home after her daily walk throughout the city, the blind seeress feels the wind pass her as a police car zooms by her. Hearing the siren on the car, she stops and contemplates something. Nodding her head, she heads into her house and to her scrying table, where she places her hands over her crystal ball. She begins reading the fortunes of the infamous Katsushika Division, the DRB.

"Mashiro Akihisa."

Adhering to the name, the crystal ball begins its role of playing out scenes in the person's life. The first scene opens up showing a young Italian boy of six or seven, in a living room, sitting in front of a piano, his fingers on the keys. Beside him is a young woman with similar facial features. She is playing a piece on the instrument with the boy following behind, mimicking her notes and keys. His eyebrows crease as the hardest part of the song comes up. He replays in his mind the correct notes, just as he has done before. He breathes a sigh of relief as he successfully completes it, grateful that he remembered. The older woman beside him hugs him, planting a kiss on his forehead, making the boy smile, happily. The scene ends as they smile at one another.

The scene changes to show an underground dwelling, beneath an aqueduct. Though the place smells due to the murky water and being close to the sewers, it is ideal for a group of organized criminals to hide. Besides, you get used to the smell after a while. A group of people of different body types and genders are either standing around, conversing with others, or honing their skills. Suddenly, they all look as the entrance to their dwelling has been opened. They are expecting another of their own to appear, but instead, a 15-year-old teenager, who obviously looks out of place, walks in, followed by an older gentleman whose face is shrouded by the fedora he wears. He steps inside, following the older man, ignoring the stares, scowls, and glances that he is receiving. This is a new chapter in his life. Tired of his home life, he decided to seek a new family. And here it was: The Holy Sword. Or, as they preferred to be called, The Spada Santa.

The scene changes showing an alleyway, which is currently in the middle of a gunfight between two Italian gangs, one of which is the Spada Santa. Though heavily outnumbered, the SS is holding their on, due in no small part to a familiar Italian man, now in his early 20s. He grimaces as he dodges a stray bullet that would have otherwise been fatal. He wonders how he got in this mess. He had been up for the past two days doing numerous jobs for the SS, and when he thought he could finally head home for some rest, he wounds up getting a delivery job which turns out to be more than such. He wonders if he could just go to sleep for a few minutes. Unfortunately, he is brought out of his stupor by a red-headed woman on the side of him, who makes him scowl. God, how he hated this braggart of a woman. But she was right, unfortunately. Now wasn't the time to rest. Loading a new clip into his gun, he heads back into the fray.

The scene changes to show the familiar Italian man, now in his early 30s, sitting on his knees in despair as he holds the body of a familiar red-headed woman in his arms. How could this have happened? He had finally managed to put his hatred for this woman aside. They were only a few months away from being married, for God's sake! She was going to be his wife! She was going to be the only other woman in his life that he could have proudly say, 'I love you' too! But, alas, fate was too cruel a mistress. It had wiped away any sort of good fortune the man had and took yet another beloved woman away from him. As he stares at the dead woman in his arms, he feels his eyes getting watery as he hugs her close. In this job, you had to learn to keep your emotions in check. Getting angry or sad would get you killed, especially in this line of work. But... for, perhaps, the second time in his life, the Italian man lets loose the emotions inside of him as the scene ends.

The final scene plays out, showing the Italian man now much older. He is sitting in a bar, drinking a glass of cold whiskey. He couldn't recall the last time he had a decent drink, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. It had been a long time since he had been on the outside. And though it probably wouldn't last long, he was going to enjoy every moment of it, even if it only involved simple things like this. But... now that he has had a chance at freedom for so long, is he really content to just relinquish it again once this job is over? He's on Death's Row, after all. And he knows his life could end any day now. But will he fight to live this life again? Or will he die as he lived: by the sword? Only time will tell...

Touya Kisaragi

"Kisaragi Touya."

The crystal ball acknowledges the name of Japan's most infamous serial killer. The scene opens showing a six-year-old boy sitting in a chair in a wooden chair with a green pillow in what looks like a room for visitors. He was told to sit there and not to move by his parents, so that's what he's going to do. He looked as they both went into a room that looked like an office followed by an elderly old man. Anything to keep them from insulting him, demeaning him, or just looking at him like a pest. He was always taught to stay out of people's way from an early age. He did it so much, it became second nature to him.

After a long time of waiting, the door his parents went in opens and both his mother and father walk out, not even sparing him a passing glance. He notices a large wad of money in his father's hands; where did he get it? He gets up to follow them but is held back by the old man who smiles at him. The boy looks up at him, confused, but watches his parents walk away, all smiles. The scene ends as he watches his parents walk out the door of the building, all without even looking back at him.

The scene changes showing a dark basement with only a single lightbulb as a light source. The door to the basement opens and a green-haired woman walks in, wanting to know if some gentlemen want more time with "Momo-chan". All she gets in response is silence. Confused, she walks down the stairs into the room. What she sees in response, makes her gasp and stare in horror. In the middle of the room were the "gentlemen". However, they were all dead. Covered from head to toe in stab wounds. Some of them were even missing body parts, no doubt cut off from them while they were alive.

But what was really horrifying was the naked figure standing in the middle of the room: a familiar purple-haired boy, holding onto a bloody knife, covered in blood. The woman instantly recognizes him. And why wouldn't she? She had made hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars off of him, using him as a toy for perverted men and women to do with him as they pleased. She had thought him docile, but clearly, she was wrong.

She takes a step back, making plans to retreat to the stairwell. Maybe, if she is quick enough, she can make it upstairs to phone the police. She'll make up an excuse or something. But none of those plans will come to fruition. As she makes a step, the boy instantly reacts, looking at her with his blood-red eyes. He smiles a sadistic and merciless smile. The scene then ends as he pounces on her, with only the woman's scream as a tell-tale sign of the woman's fate.

The scene changes again to show a dark street. A group of four young men and women are walking home, after a night of partying and drinking. They are making a ruckus, having no shame as they loudly make noise, disturbing those that are in their homes, probably sleeping. As they are walking down the street, they spot a figure dabbed in a clock. The figure walks forward, humming a soft tune to themselves. They pay the figure no mind as they cross paths with him. But very soon, screams fill the air, shattering the nighttime's peace.

Within an hour, police have blocked off a crime scene. In the middle of it, the four young adults from before are all lying down, stab wounds covering their bodies. And the most horrifying thing about them is that they are all missing their hearts, which have been ceremoniously and methodically cut out of their bodies. But who could have committed this horrifying act? Unknown to the police, the figure is still nearby, watching them as they do their work. The figure smiles and continues humming the tune that they were humming before as the scene ends.

"London Bridge is falling down… Falling down… Falling down… London Bridge is falling down… My… fair… lady…"

The final scene plays, showing the boy in his current form, watching cartoons while eating a bowl of sugary cereal. He laughs at the antics of the characters on the show, paying no mind to the mess he was making from the milk and cereal, spilling everywhere. While his life is by far nowhere near perfect, compared to his childhood, it is bliss. ...But how long will that remain? Even if he is comfortable now, joy and happiness are fleeting and can be taken away at a moment's notice. Will he be content to live this short, yet happy life? Or will the memories and souls crying out for vengeance put an end to his short existence? Only time will tell...

Rintaro Himura

"Himura Rintaro."

Once more, the crystal ball adheres to the name, and begins playing out the life of the pyromaniac. The first memory plays, showing a young boy of eight or nine in a dirty bathroom, standing over a sink. He looks in the mirror, staring at his own reflection as he examines another mark left by his dear, old father. Ever since his mother left, the guy has done nothing but drink his life away. And in the process, he began abusing the boy for no reason other than simply because he could. The boy looks closely at a bruise forming, and shakes his head. Exiting the bathroom, he heads for his bedroom and collapses on the bed. He's thankful the old bastard is gone for the night to sleep with some floozy again. Maybe now the boy can get some sleep for a few hours. The scene ends as he continues to lie in his bed.

The scene opens up, showing a hospital room. On the hospital bed, is a familiar-looking boy now in his teens. His chest and the majority of his body is wrapped in white bandages. No doubt to cover up the horrific third-degree burns that he suffered from after his no-good father tried to kill him and the newest addition to their family, his younger sister. Speaking of which, it is a shame he is not awake to view the scene before him: his younger sister being pulled away from him by government officials. With their father's death, there was no one to provide for the two, meaning they were now technically orphans. While the boy was old enough to take care of himself, the young girl, who was only four, would have to be put in foster care, unfortunately. She screams at the men to let her go, reaching for her younger brother, who sadly cannot hear her. She is finally pulled out of the room, all while the teenage boy continues to dwell in Death's cousin.

The scene changes again to show a chemistry lab in a classroom. The room is empty, which is no surprise considering that the sun has alright set and night is vastly approaching. A few seconds later, however, the classroom door opens and in walks a familiar teenage boy, only a few years older than before. He walks to a locked closet in the corner of the classroom and easily picks the lock open. Opening the doors, he reaches inside and pulls out the equipment that the chemistry lab uses for experiments. After a few minutes of setting it up, he turns on the heat at the bottom and watches with interest as the flame comes alight, heating the glass jar. He smiles at the fire, at its brilliance and magnificence. So deadly, yet so... beautiful at the same time; almost like a rose.

He stares at it a bit longer before he turns it and begins his experiment. This wasn't for class or homework. Oh no, he was doing this for himself. After he had set some trash on fire a few days ago, he began wondering what else he could set alight. Maybe, a dumpster. No... something bigger. Something that would spread quicker and brighter. Something that wouldn't be easy to put out, like... a building. A building... The boy smiles a cold smile as his mind stays hammered on that thought. It was certainly something to think about...

The scene changes again to show a city of skyscrapers, all brilliantly lit up. Down on the streets below, a group of socialities and rich nobles are partying or socializing, enjoying themselves, with nary a care in the world. A shame that none of them are aware of the amount of danger they are currently in, as sitting high on a rooftop above, a familiar-looking man is sitting with one of his legs dangling over the edge. He is whistling a tune to himself, while playing with a strange remote control device in his hands. He finishes his tune and stands up, looking down at the still beautifully lit streets down below. He smirks to himself and places his finger on the remote control. After a minute's pass, he presses the large red button on it and watches the "show" began.

All throughout the city, multiple explosions go off, igniting all of the buildings in close proximity with each other in flames. He listens to the screams and shouts as he looks as the city is still glowing, only now it is with smoke, ash and fire. He chuckles to himself until his laughing becomes louder and blows into a full-blown guffaw as he watches his art come to life. His laughter continues as the winds that are blowing freely carry his flames towards the wide open sky.

The final scene appears showing the young man in his current form as he is outside on a rooftop, smoking a cigarette as he overlooks the city at night. He has taken many lives and has labeled a 'danger to society', but he cares not. He has done what he wanted, when he wanted, however he wanted. And he has absolutely no regrets. If he was to die tomorrow, he wouldn't care one bit. ...But is that really true? A young girl's springs to the forefront of his mind, and he admonishes the fact that he forgot her, even if it was only momentarily. What will happen to her if he dies now? What will happen to his flame? Will it continue to burn always? Or is it doomed to flicker, and soon fade? Only time will tell...

Death Row Block

As always, Chinami has laid all 72 cards out on her table. And with a deft hand, she easily and swiftly flips over three of the cards, as if she didn't need to think about which ones to choose from. The first card features a man wearing on a crown sitting on a throne (The Emperor). The second card features a skeleton wearing black armor riding on a white horse (Death). The last card features a warrior riding in a contraption being pulled by horses (The Chariot).

Lastly, the crystal ball plays out significant scenes in each member's life: the day Akihisa proposed to his beloved, the day Touya met his adopted elder sister, and the day Rintaro was reunited with his younger sister. These three men, all criminals with their hourglasses slowly running out, have chosen to obey their masters in order to prolong the awaited day. But with freedom already in their grasp, are they truly content to remain docile? Or will they forever have a rope tied around their necks? Only time will tell...

[mr-independent]

Sorry for the hiatus, i haven't slept in 48 hours 🤷🏻‍♂️

Series 2 episode 1, lessgo

-- 7 consecutive ties is fucking ridiculous tbh. Statistically unlikely at best, especially since the dog died just so it could keep going

-- the slow mo is so good, you can tell their budget fucking tripled going into this series

-- i gotta wonder if the entire show has been planned from day one or if they just keep rewatching and keeping track of little things as they go

-- Keeley's imitation of Ted is hilarious

-- Ted making every journo nearly cry talking about a dog he had for only a year in high school... The power this man has. Especially over Trent, who looked as besotted as me in high school when i watched Independence Day for the first time and discovered that Jeff Goldblum could be nerdy, sweet, and Hot all at once

-- Ted. Diane Sawyer is 77 years old. Why do you want to date someone nearly 30 years older than you?? ... Ok yes fine thats hypocritical coming from me after that last bullet point. I concede my point.

-- Bearded Roy actually looks more like Grouch lmao

-- you know when i first watched this ep i thought Roy hated pundits bc he thought they were generally stupid, but knowing what we know now about his past with Trent Crimm....

-- 'i wish I was Keeley 3 or 4 times a day' me too, Ted, me too

-- Ted's introduction to girl talk 🥰

-- Beard subtly trying to convince Ted not all therapists are trying to fuck him over before we even know the background is so touching

-- WAIT THE COUPLES THERAPIST USED TO BE MICHELLES REGUALR THERAPIST??? And now they're dating??? That man is violating so many rules...

-- Roy probably only knows Rebecca through Keeley - she doesn't interact much with the players, at least on screen, and he's still telling her she deserves someone who makes her feel like she's got struck by lightning

-- Sharon getting people to tell the gods honest truth within like 5 sec of meeting them is such an enviable skill

-- Sassy coming in with the bars 'intimacy is leaving yourself open to being attacked'. Sounds like a lasso-ism tbh, which means Rebecca has a very particular taste in friends

-- Ted's hair when Dani gets over the yips is so endearingly tousled 😍

-- Dani describing Dr Sharon sounds like every time i try to talk abt therapy with my friends lmao. It's incomprehensible at best

-- How did Roy meet the yoga mums? Why did they invite this strange sour hairy man to their nights of yoga and the bachelor? I have many questions...

[thiamfresh]

Just finished re-reading airplanes for the first time in two years and I'm sobbing. But. was just curious as to when you knew how the story was gonna end? and if you had any major plot ideas/alternate endings you never got to :)

Hey :) ahh the fact people are still reading/rereading airplanes makes me so happy 😭

So like I've said before airplanes was meant to be a short and sweet fic where they go to the grand canyon, fall in love and then come back home. 4 or 5 chapters at the max. (Qnd you can tell that in the writing because theo and Liam jump through more friendship hurdles in the first like 4 chapters where I was trying to fast track their bonding experience than they do for like 20 chapters when I realised it was a long fic) so honestly for most of the fic I had absolutely no idea how the story was going to end.

Especially with the "should I stay or should I go" theo idaho plot bevause although I wanted him to stay in beacon hills theo being stuck in beacon hills would be awful and so there were like 30 thousand different kinda endings surrounding that whole plot.

Including the "theo takes Liam back before Disney World (after the guys convo with mason) and they pine for literal years before meeting again on pack buisness and go on another road trip where they actually end up at Disney land this time"

And the meanest (but funniest) ending I wrote about halfway through the fic where Theo and Liam get attacked (and killed) by hunters on their way back into Beacon Hills and Liams like, looking at all their little trinkets they've accumulated over the trip as he tries to crawl away before being murdered (it was that they gave me the idea for Disney world properly because I wrote in their like Disney hags smeared with blood and shit). I don't know if I still gave any of it and I was never really gonna use it. But I definitely enjoyed messing about with that ending, and theos "it's OK pumpkin" before getting murdered 🥰

But yeah anyway uhh I forgot the question one sec gonna go reread

OK! I'm back! So yeah I never really knew how the story would end as I was writing. I knew that it was getting close to the end but I kept on thinking like "OK it'll end right after the hermit pack" "it'll end when they finish disney" and then it never felt like the right time to end it.

I think the swanky date in new York was definitely the moment I realised that it was officially ending and everything from there on out would be moving towards the last chapter rather than sprining new plots up.

But still had no clue How it was going to end.

And I know I'm meant to plot my endings before but I always figured "they go back to beacon hills" was enough of an ending. Like I thought when I started that a little line about them spotting the beacon hills sign (and then getting their car flipped by hunters and killed in my darkest timeline version) and holding hands over the center console would be enough.

And then I started writing the end post new York swank and there was so much ending to have to do. Everything kept extending again as they did like a fucking goodbye tour and theos "I'm staying" once again because "Liam told me to leave" and I was pulling my hair out trying to figure out what the fuck was happening.

I...I honestly ydont think I knew how it was gonna end right up until I was writing the last chapter/last scene.

Like I hadn't even thought about Theo getting his own place but then he was staying and it seemed ridiculous for him to stay with Liam because the two are cosependant as fuck after their road trip and this fic ended up being about theo finding himself and a life and having him stay in beacon hills for Liam and then like squat in his house because his parents are kind just felt all kinds of fucked up, like theo needed the option to be theo and not just liams theo.

So yeah, halfway through writing theos coming back he's getting a key from Derek and I figure they'll say goodbye at the door after seeing liams parents and it'll be over.

But then that felt like not enough so I wrote about liams little prison break from his house as he cycles on his shit bike to find his boyfriend. But yeah I think.. the moment I realised how I was going to end it was after writing the last chapter and Liam putting out the few trinkets theos accumulated over the trip and the two sitting in this empty ass apartment looking it over and "welcome home" qnd I was just like "Oh so I've finished it then???" Without knowing how I was gonna do it?

Like I knew it was ending that chapter. But I genuinely don't think I reallllly knew how it was gonna end until I'd written the last line and suddenly realised "oh shit I don't have anything else to add"

But saying that there is so much more to add and airplanes 2.0 is still one day gonna be a thing and it will be looking into Liam and Theos relationship and their uhhh codependence after spending so long only in eachothers company. But the airplanes part of it. The "before" is all done while 2.0 looks at the 'aftter' and 3.0 will look at the future. Whatever that may hold if I don't kill them with surprise hunters

[ailtrahq]

The tussle between the crypto industry and regulatory agencies, especially in the US, has become frequent in the past months. The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has been seen to ramp up enforcement actions against crypto companies. However, the SEC had to take a hit from some of the entities for which it is facing backlashes. This raises a question on the relevancy of current SEC chair Gary Gensler.  In his tenure started in 2021, Gary Gensler has been perhaps the most talked about SEC chair given multiple reasons. This is not limited to only the crypto industry but also in general. It was during his reign that the financial watchdog faced almost a loss in the legal battles against crypto entities.  Undoubtedly the U.S. regulator managed to make some of the companies such as Kraken and Bittrex pay fines worth $30 Million and $24 Million respectively in settlements. There were more instances where the agency managed to score a win over the companies.  But the trend saw a reversal in the past, especially in the wake of increased tightening of scrutiny over the crypto companies. It included even the giant players in the crypto industry including Binance and Coinbase.  Not all crypto companies are opting out for settlement nowadays, but agree to move ahead with the legal tussle.  In 2020, SEC charged payment protocol Ripple and its executives alleging to conduct sales of unregistered securities. The case gathered a lot of attention across the industry and slowly the crypto company got the lead against the regulator. Then, in July this year, the federal court reached a conclusion that the asset used for the sales by Ripple; XRP is not a security.  This was considered a huge win for Ripple against SEC, despite there is more to come to the case. It is a significant blow to the regulator since it raises the question if it fails to examine if an asset is a security or not.  There’s another issue of spot Bitcoin ETF aligned with the SEC which remained controversial. The agency has approved several futures Bitcoin ETFs but has yet to approve a spot investment vehicle.  The manager of the largest Bitcoin (BTC) fund Grayscale Bitcoin Trust (GBTC), Grayscale, filed with the SEC to convert its fund into an exchange traded fund (ETF). The regulator rejected the application after which the fund manager filed a lawsuit last year. The case has recently seen its finale with the federal judge making comments on the inefficacy of the SEC to provide concrete reasons for not approving Grayscale’s ETF application.  In addition, when the U.S. SEC filed against Coinbase and Binance-like entities, these crypto industry giants retaliated and kept their stance firm.  These incidents raise concerns around the authority of SEC and on Gary Gensler too since he is the existing chairperson of the agency.  Given the five-year tenure for an SEC chair, Gary Gensler will stay in the position till 2026. However, the demand to fire him grew in the past with lawmakers such as Congressman Warren Davidson pushing out bills to eliminate Gensler from his position.  The decision of Gary Gensler will stay or not stay in the lap of time. One thing could be said with certainty that the time for the agency and the existing chairperson is not going easy.  Source

[dzpenumbra]

10/11/22

Since it's already late... I have to set my alarm, one sec. Alright. I might as well just put today in direct bulletpoints without too much commentary.

I got a text from my landlord at 10:30 AM. About an hour after I finally fell asleep. Yep. When I'm feeling unsafe and like there's something weird brewing, I don't sleep. And full moons amplify it. I'm pretty much at a perfect storm here. So... I'm surprisingly doing well with it. I'm impressed with myself.

I woke up late. I slept well, which is good, a full 7 hours until like... 4 PM. Waking up at 4PM on a Monday is deeply depressing. I called my mom before I got out of bed. I wanted to connect with my brother and see if he wanted to do art while my landlords were inspecting the house. Then I could have music playing, it would create a privacy barrier for all of us. I could get some work done and have some good company.

I want to really lean into this statement. I had such a bad feeling about the outcome of proposing this completely normal, kinda fun sounding idea that I called my mom. I don't remember if I took a shower, I think I did actually. I think I did get out of bed and showered and called right after or something. I remember eating an apple, and yeah, my fingernails tasted like the essential oils I wear after showering when I was compulsively stress-biting them earlier.

I had this bad feeling lingering from yesterday, when i tried to get him to help me sort the place and clean a bit. My mom came over and helped, it was nice, it could've been a nice three person hangout kinda thing. But no. He told me Sunday was when he usually cleans his house, actually, so I guess his whole day was booked. I'm just... not gonna linger on that. I can see very clearly now what I saw at first glance. That's just inconsiderate. And negative. "I'm not going to do your chores, you lazy shit, I have my own chores." That kinda Scrooge mentality. I could feel it. I've felt it a LOT lately, from pretty much everyone in my life. I need help, I need to get away from these people. I'm starting to forget that people like me are still out there.

So much for limiting wandering thoughts... ugh... welcome to my brain.

I asked my mom if she could... let's call it "translate" for me. See, I've had it told pretty clearly to me recently, in therapeutic environments and in personal relationships, that I'm a very sensitive person. I talked about that at length last night. I have been told that when my emotions show up, especially difficult ones like fear, grief, panic, anger, those kinds of ones. Sith feelings. When those appear, people seem to just... not hear the words I'm saying. Like, I swear, to me it's like a movie - like the Truman Show or Twilight Zone or something, it's really surreal. It's like I could literally say "I love you" while I'm experiencing anger or fear and they just don't hear the words or sentiment under the emotion at all. They're just staring at that emotion like an infant locked in on dangling keys, or a cat staring down one of it's favorite toys. Maybe it's a primal thing, a survival thing? You see something deeply afraid or angry or in pain and you just... not even necessarily see it as prey, which I thought for some for a bit, but like... see it as a potential threat. What is more dangerous than something that fears for it's life? What's more dangerous than a hurt animal? What's more dangerous than a blindly enraged animal? And please, please, please remember - this is your daily reminder, fellow human - we are all animals.

I asked my Mom a question today during our 2 hour talk - "does my fear look really intense to you right now, like if you were in my shoes right now and feeling where I am, where would you put it out of 10?" She told me probably 8 or 9. I weighed in that I'm really around a 4 to 5, then the more I thought about it, corrected down to 3 to 4. I think that made things a little more clear. It's really hard to get across to people, but like... yes, I am feeling the same fear or pain or betrayal or anger as you. No, I'm not numb to it, clearly. I think it's very clearly obvious when I'm in a mood and that I'm experiencing it as fully as I am capable of at that moment. But my threshold is greater. Like... I tried to describe this in a journal a while ago... I have a much bigger gas tank on this. So I feel things at an amplified rate. And what I can feel is very strong, but I don't top out at 10 like they do, I go to like 30. So to them, my reactions tend to look like overreactions. Because why would I be at their 8 over someone blowing me off? Well... because their 8 isn't my 8, it's my 3. I hope I can find a simpler way to communicate that in the future, I think it's going to be a very important thing to build as a mutual understanding with whoever ends up being my partner.

So people tend to see these huge emotions and then just start shooting, or get skeptical, or suspicious, or freeze, or straight up run. You know, they panic. And my training to be able to communicate my complex feelings through my expressed emotions is for nothing. It's really goddamn hard to keep priorities through intense emotions, to keep universal good in mind, to keep control on being respectful when you're being disrespected, all that shit. You know, honorable shit, virtuous shit. We all know how hard it is to keep yourself the "better person" in an argument, especially when you're falsely accused or something.

So what I did today was I requested that my Mom advocate for me in my place. That she reach out and explain the situation to him, clearly and from a third party perspective. To explain how it's not about doing chores, its about being supportive of a family member who is going through what is essentially one of his biggest trauma triggers for the past 2-3 years, and not even having to talk him through it, just being in the room and sharing that space with him so he's not alone in that feeling. That's all. And that, if asked, he would gladly repay the favor.

My brother responded, in the message relayed back from my mom less than 3 minutes later, by accusing both of us of trying to control him and pressure him. My heart is just sinking writing this. Like... my thoughts are just draining out of my head like rain running down a window, and a fog of sadness is just rolling in. It's a quiet sadness. Like a cold Maine morning by the ocean at the crack of dawn, with the heavy, wet fog rolling in.

I think something happened. I'm guessing it's one of his old friends. My instincts keep saying this same name over and over, one of his friends that I never met, but gave my really cool Norse hammer drum key to - for some fucking reason, I really liked that thing and it was a gift to me. I think this guy fucked with him in the past, something about weed. I think my brother projected that same feeling of betrayal from that friend onto me in the past, and I think it broke our relationship. And I'm fearing it has returned.

Oh boy, this voice hasn't had a time to talk in a while. I can tell by the poetic imagery, this part of my psyche is one that got severely traumatized right after my breakup, not long after he was... reborn, I guess. This personality was shaped at this branch in the tree of my life, coming out of the loss of a relationship and several close deaths all in close proximity. Anyway...

I reassured my mom that it was okay, and that what she did was noble and... was my fault. That she felt what I feel most days. And that I am deeply sorry she carried that, and that I put her in that position. It hurt her. She felt a lot of bad things because of my request. I feel very guilty. But I need to start with this by forgiving myself. I didn't ask her to help expecting him to be like that at all. I feared, yes, but for myself. I never imagined he would project onto the messenger for the person he's projecting onto. I figured the messenger would be enough of a layer of separation for him to hear the words without immediately sniffing out my fear and feeling of betrayal through the microphone and prepping the mounted 50cal machineguns for "anticipatory defense". I forgive myself for this. My intentions were peace.

At this point... It's almost 9PM. I ironed out plans with my mom. She is going to come over and chill, I guess we're going to go through the floorplan of the apartment and figure out layout and storage and stuff. That actually should be really fun. Man, I should just make a 3D model of it in Blender or something, just fuck around with it that way. That'd be really cool. Technology these days, so sick!

Then I texted my landlord. Almost 12 hours after she asked me to set up a time. I apologized - I swear, I apologize almost every interaction I have nowadays... - and set a meetup at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon. They should only be around for a little bit, they said they have a Zoom at 5 or something. My mom is going to come over at 4. I have an alarm set for 2. It's 6:45 now. So... it takes usually around half an hour to an hour for me to fall asleep after this, so... like 6.5 to 7 hours sleep? Not horrible.

I wrote a letter to my brother. I wrote like 4, honestly. But the last one was... a better approach than the others. I mean that. I wrote a lot of "you can NOT blah blah". Just... accusatory and corrective. Pointing out exactly what he's doing wrong and just pleading he stop doing it. I got rid of all of it. Little by little. I don't disagree with my way of addressing it, and in person or over the phone, I would absolutely say those statements. But after typing through it, I listened to it back on text to speech... then cut out parts I didn't like or I felt were... unnecessarily emotionally pushy, I guess. I know he's sensitive to emotions and doesn't really know how to process them a lot of the time. By the end... naw, I'm gonna backtrack again. I got what I thought was a good draft. I looked up quotes on forgiveness and humility to pass along. I have a strong connection in my creative centers between humility and forgiveness, but I guess I never really sat down and tried to flesh it out very well, to articulate it. Like... forgiveness requires humility, but it also only works if the person being forgiven is humble too, you know? So humility is super important there, crucial, really. And I really was trying to communicate at the end of this that I was okay with forgiving this outburst thing, there's still time to work that out, but he really needs to apologize to my Mom.

While looking for quotes, I found a list of Bible quotes. I read through all of them. I love trying to decode the imagery of the quotes. I did this project a few years ago where I tried to translate Genesis into common speech, like... everyday talk. Like how I talk, into my language. I started looking at sentences, language structure, etc... in the way that I think... as images. Like apple conjures an image in your head. Instead of doing an example here, basically the analogy I was using at the time, what I was trying to recreate, was someone standing by a campfire, gesturing wildly, visually and telling a story using as few words as possible. OMG, like C3PO in Return of the Jedi telling Luke's story to the Ewoks. Nootch Vader. That scene. I started thinking of language like THAT. Like I was trying to tell this story to people who barely understood English. And when I read Bible quotes with that in mind, trying to really suss out the concept behind all these words and stitch together a little mental animation, things started making more sense to me.

A lot of the quotes were about forgiving your kin over and over and over. No matter what. Which is just... damn is it the hardest thing to figure out, honestly. Because at some points, it's abusive... and at some points it can become like a Stockholm Syndrome thing... and yeah, it's like... I don't know, I guess forgiving doesn't mean like... pretend it didn't happen. So yeah, maybe I just need to explore forgiveness more. But reading the humility and forgiveness stuff helped a lot, and it just reminded me that it's not really my job to tell him he fucked up. Or set the terms for him to repent to me or some shit. It's my job to tell my side of the story. Which I detailed clearly. And I got rid of most of the rest. Except for the part where I told him he should apologize for being harsh to my mom. I actually, very transparently self aware, leaned into that. I expressed that I knew it was harsh to say he needs to say he's sorry, but that she has been going through enough and didn't deserve it. He doesn't have to apologize to me for this, but he really should apologize to her. I risked confirming his fear of control by saying that, but if he's looking for excuses to deep six his relationship with his brother... he'll find one eventually. I can't let that blood be on my hands. She stood up for me, the least I can do is stand up for her.

So... I'm upset. I'm... kinda grieving again. It hit me hard. But I ordered some fabric pens, so I'm gonna just try to put some custom designs on one of my hoodies and see how it comes out. Inspiration comes from destruction. It's not the only place it comes from, but god am I glad it comes from destruction. Because if it didn't, destruction would be unbearable.

[roe-sesandthorns]

super salty thoughts about Dr. Strange MoM, spoilers + rant under the cut  warnings: spoilers, duh. really long. not very complimentary. 

did wanda face no consequences for what happened in westview? legitimate question cause i haven’t seen it and only know the plot + story through osmosis. I thought this was the point of the accords and the oversight and the damn civil war.

it physically makes me puke to hear mcu refer to themselves as earth-616 like no. sweeetie, sit back down, ok? you’re earth-1999999  

they went to one other universe, it was a huge waste of potential BUT I can excuse that cause I understand the limitations from a storytelling/runtime/budget pov but still, disappointing 

ok I loved peggy as the first avenger, monica rambeau as captain marvel, and it’s always a pleasure to see patrick stewart and the inclusion of black bolt was cool (idk if he’s been in other marvel media before but that was my first time seeing him)   

but and that’s a big but, the scene where wanda takes on the illuminati and bodies reed + black bolt and then proceeds to fight peggy + monica felt... off. 

like did they remove the two male members deliberately cause? is it sexist? is it a very shallow, trite attempt at #girlbossing? whatever it was, it felt cheap and weird. and completely disrespectful to all those heroes. especially professor x.

ok, i get it, wanda is supposed to be the Big Bad but the way the superheroes in the mcu become totally powerless in other people’s movies just rubs me weird. like she took barely 30 secs to demolish the entire team. and these are the supposed leaders of the illuminati

why the fuck did wanda of earth-834 or whatever have powers? did she have the same arc as mcu-wanda (i’m not using 616 to describe mcu people cause hell no). but then everything in this world was completely different so how does it compute that this wanda had powers and a normal life. did she have her kids with vision? where was vision? if he died like in infinity war then why was this wanda mentally stable? like what changed?   

why the fuck did stephen from the incursion universe and mcu-stephen have the same damn backstory of both having a sister who died? like how is that something that is constant in multiverses? or was it just a lucky coninkydink? 

i have a lot more, but basically i hate their treatment of the multiverse. i think i prefer any other fanfic writer writing about the multiverse cause they do it so much better. 

i’m not even surprised they tried to give wanda a redemption through death/sacrifice arc cause she changed her mind in the last 2 minutes of the film; disappointed but not surprised. 

like girlie has not even redeemed herself for westview, instead she went full on evil supervillain 

fuck off with the “heartwarming” music and there is NO reason for christine to ask after wanda with concern (other than the fact that christine is amazing and a saint and i love her) but contextually she should’ve been like “the scarlet witch?” (scared shitless) 

also, basically, moral of the whole story: stephen strange can only be happy if he has christine in his life. which seems toxic af, like bro. y’all broke up YEARS ago. you tell her at her wedding that you wish she was still with you, or imply it at least. I would’ve decked him if I were her. Like Christine you’re a saint. I mean you invite your friend (whom you dated a long while back) to your wedding and want to introduce him to your husband and he’s like “im sowwy i miss you” like fuck the fuck off, stephen strange, you ass. don’t make this day about you. 

also can we please kill with fire the idea that you need a relationship to be happy. like, srsly. the whole movie reiterates that if he only “got the girl”, he’d be happy, like no honey. go to therapy. find happiness within you. and in others around you. relationships are amazing and i can totally get pining over Chrsitine cause goddamn i’m doing it too, brother, but really. she’s not gonna fix you or fix your life. i want to engrave kate winslet’s speech from eternal sunshine onto the marvel headquarters entrance cause fuck u marvel. 

another beef with the multiverse, no stephen ever dated anyone other than christine? like my dudes, prime opportunity to really explore just how different the universes are, i mean, come on! 

additionally, it makes the ending seem like a queer ending with stephen and wong reiterating their love for e/o and continuing their cohabitation as they raise their teenage adoptive daughter together. like maybe marvel is saying queer-platonic relationships and aro-ace rights. (hahahahhahah as IF.) 

america chavez was the only ray of hope and the only good thing about this movie and that’s only because her character hasn’t had the time to be handled by 12 different pairs of hands and the mouse overlords’ meddling

also can i just say, 0 character growth all around, great job, guys! 

also also, did i miss an entire movie where mordo goes after stephen? no, so that was just supposed to be one of those things that happened in the interim that we just know because of dialogue. great. so, no emotional arc for stephen having to fight mordo, for the clash of their philosophies, for the consequences of stephen’s actions. 

wait, speaking of consequences, what the fuck were stephen’s consequences for no way home? did he have any? he almost fucked up the entire world on a teenager’s say so. like. i mean. it ended ok but ?????

some technical things: the score was overpowering, there was no room to breathe between moments, the effects gave me a damn headache, and there were some weird transitions thrown in that just felt.... one-note. one or two were cool from a story telling point of view but otherwise it was just. meh.  

tldr; the whole mcu is just like, “consequences? don’t know her” and the mcu multiverse is bland, convenience-based, arbitrary, and boring. also, this wasn’t a dr. strange movie, this was a “look shiny cgi, shiny multiverse, isn’t this fight scene cool? omg that’s professor x, look people from other marvel movies/media! how cool!, we’re self-referential! and COOL!” mess

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes