#He can't introspect for shit

[bonefall]

ever think about how in tnp bramble is suspicious of hawk until the /moment/ they visit tiger together? and then gets mad at squilf for expressing an opinion he used to agree with?

Actually! The moment Bramble stops being suspicious of Hawkfrost is when he's jealous of Squilf's magical telepathic bond to her sister. It's like spite. It fascinates me that you can read it as though Brambleclaw is being consumed by jealousy, trying to have everything that Squilf does, as though his "hatred" of her is coming from envy.

[confused-stars]

i need to actually remember for my writing that my main hc for why Childe is Like That is that he saw something real and true just once in his life and has been chasing that high ever since despite it being a massively traumatizing experience

kind of like a very weird Lovecraft protagonist

[reddbuster]

can I be for real. I think most of the ace attorney fandom would not give 2 shits about Kristoph if he were a woman

[the-acid-pear]

Having davesport thoughts............

[heart-shaped-chains]

Yap session bc wow.

Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.

Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!

But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.

Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.

And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?

Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...

Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.

Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.

Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.

But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.

And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!

And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!

Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???

[kishibei]

MOUTH BREATHIN'

shidou ryusei x reader | pwp smut, 18+ | 1.1k words

summary: when your boyfriend's team loses yet another game, you lose your temper. you like to run your mouth and shidou's got just the solution to the problem...

cont: throat fucking, hair pulling, rough sex, degradation, light dacryphilia (?), shidou is mean !!!

shidou doesn't know when to stop. he's never been good at it; knowing how far is too far when it comes to anyone but himself.

your knees hurt more than anything and that jaw he's holding open feels like it's about to unhinge when he tells you to open wider. ryusei's never been gentle, but this feels like it's gonna be his worst— you know it is.

maybe you should've been a little nicer to your boyfriend after his game today; offering him a sweet little kiss and some encouraging words as he walked off the field. but instead, you had yelled, giving him pointers on shit you didn't know two things about.

you realize you should shut your mouth more often, but the time for that introspection is long gone; ryusei's already decided that he'll shut it for you.

...

"ryu! please, i said i was sorry!" you whine, pressing your lips together as the man strokes himself in front of you.

all he does is laugh, tapping his cock against your pursed lips; smearing around the pre that beaded and dripped from its blushy tip. shidou always had a way of making you feel dirty, staining your face with a messy mix of his cum and the lipgloss that once sat pretty on those perfect lips.

you can't help but press your thighs together at that, trying to ignore the desperate clench of your pussy as ryusei grabs a fistful of hair, using it as leverage so that lost and hazy gaze of yours finds his.

"aw c'mon baby, y'know you wanna..." ryusei purrs, long tongue darting out to wet his mouth. he brings his length to your lips again, this time not even bothering to push past them. he knows you'll open up; you always do.

a twisted grin pulls at the corners of shidou's mouth, almost bisecting his face as he watches you part your lips for him. his eyes are trained on the thick threads of saliva that connect the roof of your mouth and the tongue you stick out for him, laughing at just how much you're drooling over this.

shidou doesn't waste any time, shoving his heavy cock down your throat as soon as he's given the opportunity. it's like swallowing lead— the way his weighty length is being forced past your lips and into the wet cavern of your esophagus. you can't breathe, and clutching onto his thighs, you gasp; only making you choke on him even further.

shidou buries himself deeper, smiling as he watches your eyes widen and gloss over; fat, miserable, tears threatening to spill right from them.

"here... since y'know everything, right?" ryusei sneers, gripping the back of your head as his hips snap forcefully. "you can take it, hm? 'cause you're just the best at everything, aren't you?"

shidou lets out a low growl, throwing his head back as you gag on him; the force of your throat constricting around his cock only heightens his pleasure.

you can't take it— breathing heavily from your nose, you nearly hurl; feeling your lunch churn in your stomach from the pressure of it all. bile burns at your chest with how he's fucking your throat now, causing the tears you had tried so hard to hold back to start flowing.

"please, ryu!" you try to squeak out, the words dying in your throat as they're converted into foul gurgles around the man's length. he finds this hilarious, pushing your head down even further until the tip of your nose is buried in the smattering of flaxen hair that covers his pubis.

"still running that mouth?" ryusei teases, pinching your chin between a finger and a thumb. "don't make me fuck it outta you, now!"

your boyfriend doesn't wait for an answer; he knows it's what he's been dying to do from the beginning. so when he gathers you by the hair, unlatching your mouth from his cock— you know it's all been planned, thought out from the very moment you mouthed off at him back at the game.

ryusei practically tears your bottoms off, pouncing on you like some kind of starved animal. it's beyond primal the way he tosses you onto the bed, not caring about how your crown slams against the headboard as he parts your legs. pressing them to your chest, he folds you uncomfortably; the burn of your thighs in this position only makes you wetter, mindlessly gazing up at him now; completely and utterly at his mercy.

you look so stupid under him: blown pupils set in shining eyes, your mouth hung open laxly while drool covered your chin and chest. ryusei chuckles, lining his cock up with your dripping cunt before burying himself deep.

"fuck, you're such a slut! i mean, gettin' this wet off suckin' dick?! how desperate..." he's toying with you now, laughing hysterically as he pushes in until he reaches the hilt, giving you all of him.

you can't help but clamp down on his length as he bottoms out, your cunt fluttering once his hips slammed against yours.

"you like this? getting treated like the little whore you are?!" ryusei laughs. "i'm starting to think you bitch on purpose! just so i can fuck you like this, yea?!"

shidou uses you to his full disposal, chasing his high with the knowledge that no matter what he does, you'll always follow after. he doesn’t let up in the heat of your wanton cries, thumbing at your swollen clit with the sole intention of overwhelming you.

"it's too much! leave me ryusei! i can't...!"

your pleas fall on deaf ears, the man’s pace increasing as his thumbs find purchase in the dips of your hips, guiding you along his shaft with reckless abandon.

he’s good at what he does; knowing exactly what spot to prod at to make you arch into him, how to fuck you dumb, leaving you sobbing and begging for him to give you a break.

ryusei swats your hands away as you try to grab at his wrists, body shaking uncontrollably as you writhe around in pleasure. you're close, he knows you are; the way you're repeating his name like it's the only thing you know is more than telling of the fact.

"ryu... ryusei! ugh, ryu!" is all you can spit out, squeezing your eyes shut as your skin prickles with goosebumps, giving yourself into the height of your pleasure. you whine desperately as you finish, gripping onto ryusei trying to ground yourself.

shidou doesn't let up, still slamming into you as you cum all over his cock. it isn't long until he reaches his own peak, spilling into you with a deep grunt, hips stuttering as he fills you to the brim with his seed.

"fuck!" he exclaims, looking down at you with a twisted grin.

"and i'm not even done with you yet..."

©2023 KISHIBEI do not repost, modify, distrib. or translate.

[mamawasatesttube]

ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.

i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)

anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.

at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.

at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.

(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)

it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3

OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.

[astral-mariner]

Vegebul headcanons: Vegeta fell for Bulma first

So lots of ppl in fanfic often write Bulma falling for Vegeta first. I see it the other way around.

The ship explodes while he's training, and he suddenly has all this downtime he never had while serving under Freeza. They've had surface-level conversations before, gotten at each other's throats over alien-human misunderstandings as well as serious moral and/or experiential differences. But while he's recovering, he gets a bit stir-crazy and just...finds himself around Bulma rather often, and they actually start to get to know each other.

Bulma finds him dark and mysterious---fascinating to her in an almost scientific way because he's so like a human but so different at the same time. She admires his tenacity; though he would never characterize himself as a victim, she knows he's faced grief and hardship, and carrying on with such clarity of purpose anyway is heartening in a way. Meanwhile, Vegeta just doesn't understand why this woman insists on talking to him, making sure he takes care of himself... He can understand her providing gear and housing---she and her friends need him for the upcoming battle. But the interest, openness, and basic kindness she displays baffles him, especially when he is a sworn enemy of Kakarot's. With Nappa and Raditz things were always complicated. So many roles and expectations with him being their prince. But with this Earth woman, there are no expectations at all. So he doesn't know what to do with her.

He won't let himself think of her as beautiful even if his eyes linger on her. He has just seen so few women like her. Certainly, he's never spent so much time with one either. Always on his way to a new planet. No real friends or consistency of any kind. That's not to say he regards her as a friend. Of course not. He tells himself that she's useful. She has resources, power. And she pursues her own ends with intensity and fearlessness---saiyan qualities he understands.

And then she's in his thoughts day and night. He thinks of her scent or her voice when he's trying to train, when he's lying awake and can't sleep. That sparkle in her eyes when he challenges her, but it doesn't shake her in the slightest. Her laugh, her little touches. He's head over heels for her long before they have sex, but he has no context for feelings like that. He just feels like he's losing his mind.

And it scares the shit out of him. How can he focus on transforming and defeating the one who took his birthright and Freeza's death from him when this woman is just fucking haunting him? He doesn't even know it's romantic attraction. He won't even accept that he's sexually attracted even though his body reacts to hers however fiercely he avoids looking at or touching her.

Meanwhile, Bulma has just broken up with Yamcha. She's not really in a place where she's thinking about a new relationship. She might want to have some fun here and there now that she's single, sure, but she's much more focused on the arrival of the Androids. Especially since she knows how hard her future self worked to warn everyone and give them a chance to have a different outcome than she did. And Vegeta is a powerful asset to have on her side. As much of a jerk as he can be, he works tirelessly to prepare himself for the battle, and helping him become stronger may make a difference in their survival.

Sure, it tickles her scientist brain to have an alien living on her property she can ask about space and otherworldly tech whenever she wants. And Vegeta himself has a fascinating (if dark and disturbing) personal history. He's not what she expects in some ways. Proud, and yet also very reserved and even shy. Aggressive and intense, but at the same time thoughtful, introspective, and so dedicated to his calling that she realizes it's a spiritual thing for him, perhaps even religious.

She finds herself enjoying his company even when she knows that she shouldn't. He's not exactly a true ally. He's not a good person. But he's just so...interesting. And he's more attractive than he seems to realize. She indulges a fantasy or two of what he might be like in bed. But it's not serious. She knows she shouldn't. It would never work out. It would be so fucking complicated and fraught for everyone involved. There's no way an alien man would have the same (or even compatible) ideas about relationships or sex. Even if Vegeta did, he'd never fucking tolerate having a frank conversation about it. He's really kind of a prude.

And yet...they spend more time with each other, and the tension between them just builds. Over months and months, it builds slowly but surely. And one day, it just fucking breaks. One evening, they end up closer than usual. Touching each other, and it gets really intense really fast. No time to really discuss where things are going or what anything means---they just need each other in that moment. And it works out. Somehow. It's almost too easy. Despite all the cultural differences. They have sex, and it feels...good.

For Vegeta, sexuality had previously always been something tainted with negativity. What's the point of having a drive for sex, after all, when you're the last of your kind, and fleeting pleasures are hardly more than distractions? But with Bulma, everything just felt so fucking right and good. Like finally getting to experience all the things he'd always wondered about and longed for even if he never admitted it to himself. Things he thought were impossible. Having sex in a situation where he had a real choice in the matter. With a woman when he had spent his whole life having to accept the fact that no saiyan women had survived. On top of everything, not only does he want her---desperately---but she wants him in return. How she squirms when he touches her, how her scent changes, how she trembles and whimpers when he gets to do all the things he never let himself want before.

It just completely and utterly unravels him, and he can't get enough of her. He thought that, just maybe, if he gave in and slept with her, she wouldn't fucking haunt him anymore, but it just gets fucking worse. He needs her like water. Like if he doesn't get to be in her presence and touch her, he will just fucking lose it even more than he already has. And it fucking terrifies him. He's only ever wanted one thing: to transform and make things right after Freeza destroyed everything. But now he's preoccupied, and he can't handle it. He doesn't know what to do. What any of it means. What he really wants out of any of it. And he has no idea what she wants either. Only that however many times he tries to stay away from her, they always end up tangled up again. He couldn't even tell her how he feels even if he wanted to because he's so clueless about what's happening to him.

Meanwhile Bulma is just absolutely floored by how intense everything is from the beginning. She wonders if it's a saiyan thing, or if he's just intense like that himself. She doesn't know what Vegeta's full history with sex is, but she knows it's complicated. All she knows is that he kisses her like it's his last day on Earth. That he fucks her like he couldn't resist her if he tried (and he does try). And she can't help but ride that high. She brings this mysterious, strong, and austere man to his knees, and her power over him is intoxicating. She knows she shouldn't play around with someone so dangerous even if she's convinced he'll become an ally eventually. She knows that most of her friends wouldn't approve. It's not like she wants to DATE Vegeta. But gods...his desperation, the way he almost worships her, how wild and even frightening he can be---she can't help but indulge herself at least a little bit even if it's against her better judgment. It's not serious, after all. It's not like Vegeta of all people would even want to be some kind of partner to her anyway. He just wants sex (right?), and that's all she wants too. So she proposes a friends-with-benefits situation that they are determined to keep on the down-low.

Vegeta's head is just spinning at all of this. He still doesn't fucking know what to do with her. He can't have an attachment to her---especially not now when his sole focus needs to be transforming---but imagining his life without her is just... So he just lets her call it whatever she pleases, as long as no one else is involved and no one else knows about it. The weakness all the more glaring and real if other people know about it. He can tell himself he is just having sex with her so he can stay focused on training. Nothing more than that. Certainly not.

Over the course of it, Vegeta's feelings for her just intensify. If he was head over heels before they had sex, the more time they spend and the more intimate they become, he only falls more madly in love with her. And while Bulma tells herself that feelings aren't really involved for her beyond the friendship she develops with him, she has little pangs of romantic longing that hit her out of nowhere from time to time. Almost hard not to when the sex is the way that it is. She wonders sometimes if he has feelings for her. Real feelings. But he just couldn't, right? She's just being a silly hopeless romantic like she was when she was younger, and she's over that. He's an alien with a tortured past, and he's not boyfriend material, and she's fine with that. That's not what she wants anyway. Certainly not right now with the end of the world around the corner.

We all know how things go down after this, though, don't we?

But yeah. I headcanon Vegeta falls first and harder, whereas Bulma falls gradually after they become involved. Bulma has experienced good relationships before, and she wasn't looking for a romance with Vegeta in the wake of her breakup. Vegeta, on the other hand, hasn't experienced romantic love or sexual attraction where things weren't fucked up and fraught in some way before. So his "relationship" (re: passionate affair) with Bulma means so much more to him even if he couldn't articulate it. It completely blows him away, but he doesn't have the context or emotional insight to make sense of it. So he just panics, lol.

[kvtie444]

✧.*RESENTMENT pt.2

A/N: this took sooo long but defo my most requested fic

Summary: after drunkenly calling matt for a booty call, old feelings come back

Warnings: kissing, kinda fluff, swearing, suggestive ??

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

"I do love you," I confess. Silence hangs. He stares at me, his eyes softening slightly, yet he remains silent. Panic sets in. This was a mistake, this shits way too corny. I reach for the door handle, stepping out of the car and walking towards my front door, searching for my keys in my bag. - suddenly, i hear matt’s car door open and slam. fuck.

Matt's car door slams shut, the sound echoing in the quiet morning air. I freeze for a moment, hand still lingering in my bag, searching for the elusive keys. He approaches, his expression a mix of frustration and confusion. I meet his gaze, the intensity of his eyes searching for truth.

"I do love you," I repeat, my voice more determined this time. Matt runs a hand through his dishevelled hair, seemingly caught off guard by my revelation. The air thickens with tension as he studies me.

"You can't just say that shit and expect everything to be okay," he says, his voice edged with a hint of vulnerability. I swallow hard, realizing the gravity of my confession. This was a mess, a complicated situation we had both willingly walked into.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like this," I admit, my fingers still fumbling with the keys. "Last night was a mistake. I shouldn't have messaged you. I shouldn't have let it happen."

Matt's features soften, and he sighs. "So, what now?" he asks, his tone carrying a mix of resignation and curiosity.

"I don't know," I reply honestly, finally retrieving the correct key. "Maybe we need some space, figure things out. I can't keep pretending I'm okay with our situation when I'm not."

Matt licks his lips before looking away thoughtfully, he looks back to me, “I can't promise you a conventional relationship, Y/n," he begins, the weight of his words hanging in the air. "I've got issues, and I've made mistakes, but I do care about you."

I nod, understanding the complexity of his situation. The truth is, I care about him too, but the turmoil of our undefined connection had become too much to bear. "I need clarity, Matt," I say, looking directly into his eyes. "I need to know where we stand."

He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I'll give you the space you need," he concedes. "But don't expect me to make promises I'm not sure I can keep."

As he walks away, I watch him leave with a mixture of emotions. He drives away, leaving me in the solitude of my front door. I let myself in and instantly collapse onto the couch, grappling with the tangled mess of emotions.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Days turn into a blur as I navigate through the emotional aftermath of our encounter. Matt gives me the space I requested, and it becomes a period of self-reflection and introspection. I ponder the nature of our connection, the blurred lines, and the undeniable feelings that lingered beneath the surface.

One evening, my phone buzzes with a message.

Matt

Can I come see you?

I feel my breath hitch, I tap my nails against the screen as I think of a reply.

Y/n

come over then

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

As I open the door to Matt, the air is thick with anticipation. He steps inside, and we move to my room, him sitting on my bed and me on my desk chair opposite him. The atmosphere feels charged with unspoken emotions.

"I've been thinking a lot," Matt begins, his eyes locked onto mine. "About us, about what you said."

I nod, silently urging him to continue. The vulnerability in his eyes is palpable, a stark contrast to the usual confident exterior he presents to the world.

"I can't promise you the world, Y/n," he admits. "I've messed up in the past, and I can't guarantee that I won't make mistakes again. But I do care about you, and maybe it's time for me to confront my own issues."

His honesty resonates with me, and for the first time, it feels like we're stripping away the layers of toxicity that have surrounded us. I take a deep breath, finally finding the courage to voice my own feelings.

"I care about you too, Matt," I confess. "But I can't keep fucking around with you. It's too painful, and I need more. I need clarity."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, visibly grappling with his internal struggles. The silence hangs heavy between us until he finally speaks.

"I don't want to lose you," he says softly.

I bite my lip, debating whether to mention the L word. Fuck it. “You know what I said to you last time I saw you” I spoke. He nodded at me, slightly hesitant. “what if I told you I still.. did. I still love you”. I was honestly speaking from the bottom of my heart now - The whole time I wasn’t with matt, I was thinking about him. Everything reminded me of him.

Matt's eyes flicker with a mix of surprise and vulnerability as my words hang in the air. I feel the weight of the confession, the raw honesty that has been buried within me for so long. His silence stretches, and I can almost hear the gears turning in his mind.

"You still love me?" he repeats, almost as if to confirm the gravity of the statement. I nod, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Yeah," I admit, "I can't shake these feelings, Matt. No matter how hard I try, you're still the one I think about."

He looks down, processing my words, and for a moment, I worry I've laid my heart bare without reciprocation. But then, his icy blue eyes meet mine, and there's a softness to his gaze that wasn't there before.

"Y/n," he starts, and I brace myself for what might come next. "I love you," he confesses, his words hanging in the air. My heart skips a beat as the weight of his admission settles over us. "I've tried to deny it, push it away, but every time I see you, every moment we shared, it became clear. I love you, Y/n."

The atmosphere freezes, and the weight of the words hangs palpably in the air. Did I just hear him correctly? He bites his lip, a hint of hesitation in his expression. A grin stretches across my face, and I leap up, practically pouncing on him, pushing him onto the bed. "Matt!" I exclaim, planting kisses all over his face. He chuckles, enveloping me in his arms and pulling me close, our lips meeting in a passionate kiss.

"I'm going to change for you, angel, I promise".

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

tag list !!

@iloveneilperry @bernardenjoyer @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @mbbsgf @sturnvilmed @s1urnioloslvr @mattsbratt @mangoposts @christinarowie332 @recklesssturniolo @bluesturniolo333 @flowerxbunnie @kenzieiskoolaid @pepsiskiess @poopydroopt @byechristopher @solarsturniolo @m6ttsturniolo @lustfulslxt @stardustmf444 @mangosrar @ilovetoomanymen @thankyounextt @glossyfx @bellasturniolo @justurniolos @cl0esblogg @strumbolisworld @plasticferal

[comradekatara]

How conscious do you think Katara of Sokka's pile of neurosis surrounding her safety, their father, or the tribe in general?

Basically, how well do you think Katara understands her brother?

[thinks about my own incredibly weird, callous, prodigious, neurotic brother] does anyone truly understand their brother?

just kidding. sort of. i mean, this is a really difficult question to answer, because as i've already stated, sokka doesn't actually understand himself. and katara doesn't really understand other people very well in general. she has a deep, presiding love for humanity that accords her warmth and nobility, but she also has a pretty rigid way of conceptualizing any sort of moral quandary (she is in the eighth grade) and often misinterprets people's motivations and subconscious desires. (very dorothea brooke core)

for example, in "the painted lady," when katara says, "oh, sokka, you really do have a heart!" she's only partially joking, right? like she genuinely doesn't understand how he can be so "cold" and callous." she doesn't understand his point of view at all, she thinks he just doesn't care. and sokka could probably do a better job of explaining his point of view, granted, but i also understand why he's given up trying to reason with her, because she does not listen to him unless they are in grave danger (at which point she forgets that he is her stupid annoying brother and places all her faith in him lol).

so we, as an attentive audience, know that sokka cares about the wellbeing of impoverished villages destroyed by the fire nation, because we remember the first couple episodes wherein he was prepared to die defending his impoverished village that was destroyed by the fire nation, and we also remember his promise to prioritize katara's safety over the war at large, so we are not surprised when he says, "you need me and i'll never turn my back on you" (the sokka thesis statement). but katara doesn't really understand how much she means to sokka, or how sokka thinks, or how sokka sees himself, or how sokka sees their father, or anything beyond what sokka is willing to show her regarding his psyche, which is ultimately very little.

and it's not katara's fault, to be clear. katara is not a bad sister for not attempting to plumb the depths of sokka's twisted mind. even if she wanted to (which, who would tbh. don't look at me) sokka does not let her. being vulnerable with her (truly vulnerable, not just "i can't make things fly around woe is me") would go against sokka's core programming. protecting katara doesn't just mean protecting her physically (dying for her, attacking anyone who hurts her even if it's aang and he really didn't mean to, etc.) but also emotionally – protecting her innocence, her naïveté, her idealism.

like he'll say shit like "optimism and wonder are cringe and you're a loser for having love in your heart," but it's still so flippant, it's clear that he doesn't consider "provoking/annoying her" and "protecting her" to be mutually exclusive (frankly, anyone who doesn't succumb to the urge to provoke their siblings is simply not human and cannot be trusted) and has no problem criticizing her when he thinks that she's wrong for whatever reason, but he also avoids being vulnerable with her and uses flippancy and deflection to mask his more honest feelings most of the time.

notice how he basically completely shuts down in "the southern raiders," how even though he is standing there the entire time katara and aang are arguing, he says exactly one sentence and lets aang say literally everything else. notice how in the pilot he calls her a freak for waterbending instead of communicating either jealousy that she can do something he can't or fear that her ability will get her killed (again, it's probably a combination of both, but does he even understand that? probably not. because he refuses to introspect). which is why "you need me and i'll never turn my back on you" or even his admission in "sokka's master" that he feels insecure about being a nonbender shocks her so much.

katara and sokka's codependency is mutual, and they love each other a lot. while sokka isn't katara's first priority and entire identity the way katara is for sokka, when sokka is spirited away in "the winter solstice," katara basically shuts down, clings to his boomerang with a blanket around her shoulders and refuses to move from the spot he was taken until he gets back, and when sokka is gone for the day in "sokka's master," she spends the whole day waiting for him to return. and like, both of these take place in the span of no longer than a single day. but as much as they love and need each other, they also do not really understand each other, or themselves.

i would say that sokka understands katara better than katara understands sokka, but sokka also just understands people better than katara does, so that's not really surprising. for example, he knows that she would not benefit from killing yon rha before katara realizes it (and unlike aang, he is not a pacifist). but he does have some blindspots, like how he doesn't understand why she wouldn't want to see hakoda in ba sing se (he interprets it as a purely selfless act, which it just isn't), but again, that's more of a daddy issues blindspot than a sister issues blindspot. they also just have very different worldviews. katara primarily cares about individuals whereas sokka primarily sees systems (with the necessary caveat that he still prioritizes his family), katara sees the best in people whereas sokka sees the worst in people, katara misses the forest for the trees whereas sokka misses the trees for the forest yada yada.

but what's important to understand fundamentally is that katara and sokka have both been dehumanized by the fn imperialist project (true of every atla character, btw) and so their lack of self-knowledge stems from the formative trauma of cultural genocide. those gaps in understanding originate from the roles they have been forced to inhabit, and since sokka's entire identity revolves around what he can and must sacrifice for katara, it's understandable that katara would be unable to acknowledge or even recognize that.

and then again, even beyond the inherent tragedy of their situation, no fourteen year old little sister really understands the neuroses and contradictions and lamentations of her older brother. even if he wore his heart on his sleeve she wouldn't understand him, because katara does encounter plenty of people who are far more obvious about their intentions and she doesn't really understand them either. but she means well. and that's what matters <3

[wyllsravengard]

mutuals i know you don't know arthur morgan and a lot of you never will but i really need you to know how Moving and Compelling the cowboy game is like im being deranged of course and i do hyperfixate so often but arthur morgan is such a well written character he has such an amazing arc and genuinely it makes me sick thinking about him for more than a single minute. his entire story is based in this inevitable doom and its obvious from the beginning of the game that things are starting to go wrong. you learn about arthur slowly, and at the start - he's exactly the kind of man and protagonist you expect. he's cold and he's uncaring at least seemingly and he's awkward and he's badass and what every man who plays a game like this would want. but then he isn't. you start to play the game and you look at arthurs journal and you get to see him introspect and you get to view the sort of tenderness he sees the entire world with. he is so tender he is so thoughtful he is so considerate of nature and he takes so many things to heart. he has something to say and introspect of everyone he meets. he cares deeply about this world he's in and struggles so much to find a place with in. he admonishes himself and praises characters like charles who seem to be so good naturally. he believes deeply in his own evil and acts on, and he has a code sure - but he never feels good about what he does and it causes him such deep strife. he clings onto the life he has because its all he knows. being an outlaw is all he has ever known of himself, been like that since he was fourteen. just a boy and the two men who adopted him into his gang. he clings so desperately onto this belief that even when things fall apart, all arthur can hope for is that he can save those he cares about. its what he has always wanted deep down. its who he is which is someone who is sensitive and careful and wants deeply to live in a good world and be apart of a good world. the gang falls apart and everything goes to shit and where does that leave arthur? when young men and good men die? the man he admires as his father dies and whats left of them becomes the worst version of himself and so arthur, after all of this time, becomes his own man. at some point, he realizes what matters most to him is his brother and the woman he has a child with. and he realizes that he is simply afraid but what of exactly? of believing that he was good all along. of accepting that he has changed and that he was always good. its all so very complicated and shit starts to go down hill so quickly and just when you think it can't get worse - arthur goes to the doctor. hes sick. its tuberculosis. ailment that he received when he beat a man who couldn't pay his debts and committed a sin so great. arthur is going to die. he's sick. its not a bullet that will kill him but the weakness in his body. the same thing will happen to him in some crazy tragedy. arthur will give his life up for john and he won't regret it. he'll tell the shell of his father figure that he gave up everything for him. he will die alone in the mountains and see a stag bathed in yellow gold. but he will believe in goodness at the end because of a nun in saint denis and the woman mothering his little brothers child. he will believe deeply in the kindness of the world because he chooses to. arthur will die because he is doomed to die. there's nothing he can do except go, and he will never live to know what an impact he had on those around him. every life he's ever touched so profoundly effected by him and he never gets to find out. the man he used to admire so much, charles, buries arthur somewhere where the sun always rises. even in death he haunts the world of the game like a ghost. arthur morgan is dead and you'll hear him every where you go. john inherits his dead brothers journal and his guns and everything else and he learns a side to him he never knew. arthur morgan is dead and the world rippled in his absence like a drop of water pulsing through a lake. and he loved. most of all he loved the people around him. he loved.

[mysticsublimeperson]

<< part 2 >>

Merlin woke up feeling cranky, he didn't exactly sleep. It resembled more to several disgusting and sweaty naps, and a lot of self deprecating introspection in between.

So Merlin decided to stop trying around 10 am, and moved to the sofa. He didn't have anything to do that day, they weren't waiting for him in the lab, nor in the office, they all thought he would have been too hangover. Funny.

He needed to get out, to get coffee, to try and look for a new perspective, or at least a solution, so he got up and dressed and went to open the door.

A sharp thud sounded when something collide to the ground.

"Arthur?"

"Shit, er... Merlin, sorry, good morning?" Arthur was trying to blink away the heaviness.

"Were you sleeping in my hallway?" Merlin was really confused now. Arthur had always been a bit of a prat, and he grew up rich (and still was very rich, even if he denied it) so he was posh. In all the years he knew him, Arthur had never volunteered himself to discomfort, because he could afford not to.

"Yeah, I.. Well, you told me to go, but then I thought that if I went then I would have to come back in a few hours, and well it was really early in the morning, and I didn't bring my car, so I would have to call for a car and then, well come back, and wold spend like a proper half hour just pacing around my flat, just so far away from you... guessed you also wouldn't be answering your phone, so waiting here seemed like the better option. But now that I say it out loud, it sounds kinda stalk-ish" He said sheepishly, his voice was still deep, and slow. Trying to recover from sleep. He stood up, but was supporting in the door frame. "It's just... you seemed really upset. I know I was the reason, but" he gulped "you are always for me when I'm like that..." Merlin sighed.

"Come in" Merlin talked with a controlled voice. He would have wished for a little more time to figure this out, but if he was honest maybe more time would have only made him more paranoid.

"I, er, yeah, thank you" It was extremely strange to hear Arthur so insecure, but Merlin needed to focus on his situation, and not fall into old habits. "How.. How did it go? Yesterday I mean, sorry I didn't ask sooner"

Bad, he wanted to say.

You ruined it, he wanted to shout.

I missed you, he wanted to cry.

"Fine, I guess" he didn't want to offer information, he sat in the sofa again.

Arthur gulped again and put on a tight smile. "I see" sitting beside him.

"And you? How was your dinner?" Merlin suddenly felt tired again, he didn't want to shout, or yell, he didn't want to incriminate or fight, he just wanted this situation to be over. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Arthur opened and closed his mouth several

"Merlin. I am so sorry" he said after a while. Without looking at him. "I know there's no excuse... and the way I treated you when you arrived here too... you didn't deserved that" his voices sounded tight.

If this had been any other day, Merlin would have folded, he would have told him that it was forgotten. Any other day, Merlin would have bitten the bullet of disappointment, and would have try to understand his point of view, his situation. Any other day...

"Arthur" he said after a long silence "I think it's time for us to rethink about what we want from this relationship" he could see the moment all the muscles in Arthur's body tensed up.

"What do you mean?" He sounded so scared, and Merlin fought the urge to hold him.

"What I mean Arthur it's that, this relationship can't go on like this forever" Merlin breathed slowly, trying to express himself as accurately as posible "I feel like im living on borrowed time with you, and even if you are the one in the wrong, I feel like I should just be grateful to have you a little longer, no matter how you much you may hurt me"

"That's not true Merlin, please, I would never intentionally hurt you. how can you think that? I love you" he finally looked Merlin in the eye. They were red and swollen, and a bit desperate.

"I know you love me Arthur, I believe you" he tried to swallow the knot in his throat "but sometimes that's just not enough" Merlin sat back at the sofa, looking at the ceiling. The same ceiling he had been looking since he arrived yesterday, thinking the same things, over and over. "I know you love me, and I love you, more than anything. But I also know that you would never invite me to a company dinner, you would never even acknowledge me in front of your coworkers, you would purposely hide me from your dad..."

"Merlin" Arthur said his name like a warning.

"Im not trying to be resentful Arthur" Merlin spat "they're just facts. Like the fact that you hate your job, and it makes you miserable. But you would never leave. Even if it's a shit job, at a horrible and inmoral company" he kept his tone neutral, he wanted to make a point "I would never ask you to leave, because a would never want to put you in a position where you would need to choose"

"Merlin" now his name sounded like a prayer, and a question.

"I think I always knew that I really never had a chance if you had to choose" suddenly his voice quivered.

"That's not..."

"Arthur please!" he really didn't want to hear empty promises, so he made a gesture for him to wait "I told you that yesterday was important, you knew that. And you choose him" he will not cry, no more "You ditched me, last minute. You left me alone even though I told you I Wanted you with me" his words bouncing on the walls.

"I didn't think..." Arthur was trembling a bit. And he looked like his world had been rocked and put upside-down.

"Arthur, you already have a life planed out. And you are the one that's choosing to keep it that way, you are going with the plan. And one day I will have to see how the papers and magazines cover the stories of you ascending to CEO of the world's most evil construction company, and marrying a young nice pretty girl, who is really boring and bratty but also insanely rich and has good connections, and have three beautiful very normal and healthy kids... all while I keep fighting with my little NGO to change the status quo that you reinforce. Don't you see that you don't have space for me in your future?" all the resolve to keep his cool abandoned him mid speech but at least he got it out. Arthur was looking at him like he had just told him that he only had a minute to live.

"I don't see a future without you Merlin" Arthur said, really softly, eyes shining with soon to be shed tears.

It hurt Merlin to hurt Arthur.

He never wanted to hurt Arthur.

Merlin brought up his legs and hugged his knees, hiding his face momentarily biting his lips hard, while blinking away the tears. "I love you Arthur, and I don't think I could leave you alone if I wanted to. But I think this relationship... it puts unfair expectations, for both of us" Merlin swallowed "It's not fair for me to expect something you are not ready, nor willing to give" he argued as calmly as he could. "I suppose we work better as friends"

He could see Arthur wanted to fight.

He also could see that Arthur had seen his point.

"What if...?" Arthur started, shaky. "What if I leave?" Merlin's brows furrowed confused. "My father, I mean. What If I leave him? What If I leave Pendragon Constructions? Everything... what if i..." he was starting to stammer and was not making sense. So Merlin took his hands.

"Why would you do that?" I was the genuine confusion in his expression that made Arthur sob.

"Because I love you Merlin!" he practically screamed with broken voice and desperate eyes. "please" begged silently.

"I think that if you do that. You'll resent me, eventually" he tried to reason while giving a reassuring squeeze to his hold "He is your father Arthur, you love him, and you want to make him proud, I understand that" even when he knew what it meant for himself "But you also are better than he could ever be" he assured "You won't ever lose me, I'll just need some space"

"I don't think I can do that" Arthur spoke carefully while caressing his hand "I don't know how to, I don't want to" he breathed trying to calm himself. "But I will try for you if you want me to" he swallowed "But don't misunderstand. I am not giving up on us. I won't" using his hold he pulled Merlin in for a hug. "I am sorry, I am sorry I disappointed you, I am sorry you felt like that, but above all I am sorry that you are right" he hugged him strongly and Merlin tried and failed nor to melt in his arms. "But this won't be the end Merlin, you are right for now. I will work, everyday, every moment to deserve you, to make you feel loved, to prove to you and to myself that I can become the man that you think I can be, and when that day arrives, Merlin I will sweep you off your feet" he talked those words like it was a threat, directly in his ear, while holding him close, so Merlin decided that just one last time, he would believe in him.

He would keep hoping.

[regulusrules]

Ranking the best 10 Merlin episodes + a fic rec based on each one:

(absolutely not based on how gay they were) ((no order for the eps; they're all chef's kiss)) (((last two fics have a hold on me that levels the show itself; worth scrolling for)))

1. The Poisoned Chalice

Look. There is something just absolutely entrancing about introducing this episode in the first five of the entire show. Like, this hands-on was the sole reason everyone fell for those two idiots. It beautifully captured how the saving each other thing is reciprocal, because the first three episodes you just have to watch Merlin run around saving Arthur, never the reverse. Producing it early on in the show was the decision that, in my opinion, held everyone in their chokehold for eternity.

Fic rec: you are my favorite mistake (it can only be fate) by @multifandom-jess.

2. The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

I could go on and on for how this episode singlehandedly carried s5 on its shoulder. Like, okay I unfortunately love s5 with all my fucking heart, but this episode was perfect. Ghosts? Check. Banter? Check. POETRY?? Check check. A slap to Uther's face? Oh how beautifully checked.

It's so easy to recall how Arthur truly loved his father, but in this episode, the turmoil you see in his eyes from the actions of his father and how he resorts to saving the ones he loves (Merlin) over his father, is just too beautiful to be overlooked. Ever since Arthur became king, we see him struggle from his father's legacy. But in this episode, he begins to detach both consciously and subconsciously from him. Whether it's in his decision to save the old sorceress in the beginning, or to shun Uther's ghost, both the literal and the figurative, from his life any longer. This was one of the episodes that captured the true essence of King Arthur.

+1: the innuendos of this episode were 🤌. They knew what they were doing, you can't convince me otherwise. (are you threatening me with a spoon? / I'm teaching him some poetry.. he can't get enough of it! / what was that? h-horseplay. why don't I show you?)

Fic rec: My heart is readily yours by @regulusrules. (absolutely love how after all this introspection, i decided to throw it all away and made uther stab merlin in the fucking heart instead. but still it was my honourable attempt to shit on the finale and give them the happy ending everyone deserved).

3. The Sword in the Stone pt. 2

OKAY. This episode! Aside from how badass Merlin was in both pt.1&2, but here, especially in the part where us audience were impatiently waiting for the revival of the sword in the stone, there could've been nothing more perfect. Just like their adaptation of the round table scene, this was perfect in its own way for how different it was. They didn't make it so that people will finally find a king; they made it so that the people believe in their king. And more than that, for Arthur to believe in himself. With the estrangement and losing his crown, the writers gave him the best way to re-establish his inner glory. And Merlin being this guide; what more perfect culmination to their relationship?

You have to believe, Arthur.

Iconic.

Fic rec: Couldn't choose between Only Friend by @captain-ozone, and Fathom Me Out by @supercalvin. Brilliance ahead in both of them, I tell you.

4. The Eye of the Phoenix

Magic. Gwaine. Quests. Need I say more to explain that this was the show's holy trinity?

Fic rec: From Past to Present by flowersheep. (Prince Merlin. Archer Merlin. Perfection my friends).

5. A Servant of Two Masters

Look look; if there's an honourary wall of opinions for all the people who've watched Merlin, I DARE you to find just one who disliked this episode. Like, the series was so full of BS sometimes, but this episode was above all. The level of brilliance in this episode; showing Dark!Merlin, who's at the same time hilariously funny, and seeing him BAMF his way with Morgana, even when he's chained and tortured.. oh dear holy Lord. His "do me a favour, could you? let Arthur know." was able to steal all breath from my lungs the first time I saw it (and until now).

And don't get me started on the Protective!Arthur we got. Caring for Merlin, screaming for him when the rocks fell between them, silencing Agravaine immediately when he told him he's sorry for losing such a loyal servant because bullshit if he doesn't reign down hell before he loses Merlin. And ofc, Courage and Strength on their way to find Magic, which just filled my heart with an 'aaahhh!' moment, because we didn't get enough Gwaine-Arthur-Merlin shenanigans. And at last, the Hug™. Fucking screamed let me tell you.

It is an episode that truly showed everything; from comic elements to fluff and angst and everything. The only thing it lacked was, as always, giving Arthur the space to know. Because ffs what would they have lost if they made Arthur understand that Merlin's under Morgana's control? It wouldn't have exposed shit. It would've just been a plus to us to see Arthur caring for Merlin even more. They tried so hard that it completely backfired sometimes.

Fic rec: Still I Surface in Morning Light by @queerofthedagger. (I swear to you, anything written by this author, I readily throw whatever in hand to read it).

6. The Dragon's Call

Let thy gif caption speak.

No but really, that first episode was the stuff of legends. I could list down tens of tropes they did in just that episode alone. Honestly, no "family" show I've ever seen had started this powerfully. Just the music alone, the beauty of beginnings, not the CGI, was truly so gripping. Also bonus points for just Colin Morgan's sass abilities. None can compare.

Fic rec: This Time Around... series (incomplete) by Oneiric (lkdaswani). (this is a time travel AU, but the way the writer rewrote this episode was one of the best deviations I've read for an episode I already find near faultless).

7. The Sins of the Father

I might be subjecting myself to true wrath with my upcoming statement, but here we go:

S2 sucked.

From the beginning of the season, Arthur's shift in characterization from the honourable lovable prat of s1 to a letting Merlin act as a horse stool got me going wtf? It was like they deliberately ruined everything in their relationship and started out fresh just to force the Arthurian narrative of Arwen. And it's fine by me, truly, even if I'll never ship them, but they could've developed Arthur's character SO MUCH in that season beyond comic relief and romantic rendezvous.

Anyway so that I don't stray so much from the topic; this episode was, by fair comparison, the best in the entire season. By now it's pretty obvious that I gravitate towards all the episodes that give Arthur a semblance of agency. Him going against Uther and his maniac murderous agenda was the start of actually seeing King Arthur in front of us. Also, him listening to Merlin when he was on the verge of committing patricide was one of the things that gave me hope in how there's still hope in them. Even if they ruined it with making Merlin lie to Arthur, but the writers practically ruined every good episode with this.

+1: Morgause's intro was badass.

Fic rec: The Sins of the Father (and how to right them) by @cupcakezys. (what we deserved. to see arthur with agency, with an ability to decide for his future without being lied and deceived to).

8. Diamond of the Fucking Day

No matter how much I hate this episode, I can't, in good conscience, deny its hold on my heart. As I wrote before, there could've been no better magic reveal than this. And for all of my bitterness over their decision to kill Arthur, I sanely admit how it was a decision that insured the immortality of this fandom. It's been ten years since that episode aired, and I bet my ass off that it will still feel the same even after countless more decades.

Fic rec: literally the entirety of the fandom's fix-it fics. We all started from there, didn't we? Choosing only one would be so undervaluing to all the brilliance I've seen. However, my tags filter for it usually include: fix-it, angst with a happy ending, court sorcerer merlin, shitting on bbc writers 101, canon era, not canon compliant, everybody lives especially king arthur you mfs.

9. The Wicked Day

Throw me from the highest tower there is because every time I remember this scene, I just want to fade into the light. The sheer level of love and understanding shimmering between those two. Sometimes I marvel at the choice of bringing Colin and Bradley together, because no two could have achieved such chemistry, platonic or not, as those two did. This whole episode of showing Arthur's grief, and Merlin's desperation to heal it, was truly unforgettable. I try not to linger on its ending, Arthur denouncing magic for the millionth of time, but other than that it was a gem served to us on a silver platter.

Also seeing Uther finally die was a plus.

Fic rec: As much as I'd love to recommend my own fic for this, but honestly, whenever I get the chance, I will always take it to scream and wail about one of my absolute favourite fics of all time, which really isn't given ANY of the goddamn credit or attention or kudos it deserves. Beauty in the Ashes of Our Lives by Fulgance. I swear to you, you will never read something as beautifully heartbreaking as this. This fic resides in my mind rent-free. Basically any work by Fulgance is amazing, but this fic— oh God, my heart cannot take it sometimes.

10. Arthur's Bane pt. 1

Fuck, that episode was a masterpiece. You know, if it was all in my hands, I would've magic revealed at this particular episode. It was just.. the perfect opportunity. King Arthur in his glory, beginning of the season, enough time for Arthur to fully understand the depth of what Merlin did for him. Also, the range Arthur was given starting from here; God it's what we deserved. I always blame the writers for being inconsistent with his characterization (s2 and all), but they beautifully crafted it in the end, and it was their perfect chance to even explore the whole extent if only they made the magic reveal earlier.

Fic rec: Our broken pieces by @aramblingjay. Okay so this fic rec isn't necessarily linked at all to the episode, but I can't, in good conscience, recommend fics and not include it. Technically context wise it fits s5, for in it you see Arthur in his grandeur as king. This shall be my only exception because it's the only fic that was able to make me cry. Truly, I never shed tears, but in this, my heart stuttered. The fact that it is so unnoticed makes my blood boil because of how much praise it deserves. I can never recommend it enough.

To conclude, BBC Merlin has a powerful hold on everyone because of the fact that they knew how to eternalise it. It is significantly unique in its interpretation of legendary figures. I think I watched nearly all adaptations of King Arthur throughout the years, but even with how great some really are, to me none compare with this sword-swishing, banter-driven, CGI-messing, emotionally-killing 2008 show.

Honorary mentions:

| The Labyrinth of Gedref | Gwaine | Le Morte D'Arthur | Lancelot | The Coming of Arthur | The Moment of Truth | The Hunter's Heart | His Father's Son | The Darkest Hour |

[Short fic recs]

[Long fic recs]

[melancholy-of-nadia]

love u lately (m) #6 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately​ chapter title: #6 - introspection pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: the end of the fall semester leaves you overwhelmed and overstimulated: final exams, presentations, and now, your friends with benefits deal with yoongi AND jimin. when you head back to your hometown for the holidays, you can't seem to stop thinking about your feelings towards your best friends and how you're going to approach this challenge in the new year. and apparently, you're not the only one going through this. warnings:  smut, spicy time in the library study room, fingering, final exam presentation because this is a college AU, toys... not for kids, y/n past relationship mentions, swearing, NAMJOON POV, more angst because they're confused college kids, y/n being in her head a lot and reflecting, very small timeskips for plot note: everyone say thank you to @daegudrama for editing this chapter! total word count: 9.6k drop date: January 9th, 2024, 12:30PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #5 | Series Masterlist | #7

The deal is sealed with a kiss on November 16, 20XX, an unexpected turn in your relationship with Yoongi and Jimin. As the 0309x1013 group chat was created, signaling the beginning of this uncharted journey, everyone agreed to take things slow, fully aware of the potential risks involved.

With Thanksgiving approaching, the university granted a break for the following week. Instead of heading home, you all decide to have a Friendsgiving together at the house, creating a memorable celebration. The backyard is transformed into a makeshift KBBQ haven, complete with the tantalizing aroma of grilled meats wafting through the air. In an unexpected fusion of cultures, you and Jungkook insist on having pumpkin pie for dessert.

This alternative celebration with friends spares you from the potential awkwardness of interrogations from your relatives about college life and romance. And there is no way in hell you can ever bring up your friends with benefits deal to them. You will be branded as the weird and psychotic child in the family. They may as well burn you at stake.

With more time on your hands, the week break lets you seize moments of solitude with Yoongi and Jimin, stolen kisses and playful slaps on the ass becoming commonplace. Jimin seems to enjoy the latter more, and in a surprising turn of events, Yoongi decides to adopt that habit too.

As schedules align for once, you all indulge in a Friday Night Game Night. The living room transforms for Cards Against Humanity, with soju bottles and beer adding to the spirited atmosphere. Namjoon, however, appears a bit distant, engrossed in his phone. A pang of guilt flutters in your chest, realizing he remains the only best friend unaware of the recent developments. Before you can think too deeply about it, the raucous laughter of the others brings you back to the game.

+++++++++

November 29th [THURSDAY]

The subsequent week marks dead week, a period of intense preparation for impending exams. Your focus turns to Finance, Stats, and Psych, subjects you can’t afford to fail. You were already struggling a bit a few weeks ago as you didn’t do well on your Finance midterm. So you need to get your shit together. Determined to get your academic affairs in order, you book a study room in the library, reaching out to the BTS group chat for potential study buddies. Everyone seems occupied elsewhere, except Yoongi.

Amid the hushed atmosphere of the study room, Yoongi arrives and sits next to you, bearing the weight of textbooks from his Psych classes and the impending stress of exams. The initial exchange of nods and silent acknowledgments is replaced by the persistent rustling of papers and whispering discussions on complex subjects.

As the study session progresses, the tension in the room seems to escalate. Yoongi, sensing the collective stress coming from you reading a question over and over, decides it's time for a much-needed break.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, pushing his chair back slightly. "I need a break, Angel." he admits, rubbing his temples as if trying to physically massage the stress away.

You nod in agreement, closing your textbook with a thud. "Yeah, we should take a break. I think my brain needs a reset."

Yoongi leans in, his voice low and suggestive, "Should we do something to relieve stress?"

Your eyebrows raise in curiosity. "Uh, what do you have in mind?"

You’re going to regret asking this.

A sly smile plays on Yoongi's lips as he brings up a topic that has been lingering unaddressed, "You know, you never really got your punishment for spending time with Jimin. I think it's high time we settle that."

“W-What do you mean?”

Yoongi places his hand on your knee under the table, slowly moving it and placing it in your inner thigh, nearing your heat. You gasp quietly, surprised and excited by his boldness.

“I’ll show you,” he says, looking down at you. You really decided to wear a skirt on the worst day.

You swallow hard, a lump forming in your throat. You're not sure if you're ready for this, but your body betrays you, betraying your nervousness and hesitance. He doesn't say anything else, just looks at you expectantly, waiting for your response.

Finally, you nod, the words coming out in a whispery breath, "Okay, b-but we're in a study room…what if someone sees?!"

Yoongi chuckles, "The door and windows outside this room are frosted glass, they will see people in here but won't know what they're doing." He moves his hand under your skirt, slides your panties off to the side and starts circling your bud.

His fingers dance back and forth, sending shivers down your spine. You moan softly, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through your body. He then reaches down and gently pushes one finger inside you, stretching you open. The sensation is incredible, and you can't help but arch your back, begging for more. It’s been too long without the fullness of his fingers inside you.

His digits move inside faster, and you try to cover your mouth before getting louder, fearing people outside will know what you're doing. It's almost like you can hear their whispers, taste your own fear that someone might catch you. But, Yoongi's eyes are locked onto you, and he knows exactly what he's doing. He leans in and kisses you, his tongue darting out to taste you, his lips demanding more than just a taste. Your body is on fire now, your heart races, and your breath hitches at every touch, every thrust. He pulls you close, his body pressing against yours, and you can't help but grind against his hands, seeking more of him.

It's then that you lose yourself, your body convulsing and trembling under his touch. Yoongi lets out an intense groan, in reaction to her squirming delight from his digits reaching the right spots.

You collapse back onto the chair, panting and sweating. Yoongi pulls your panties back in place and he opens your text book, reading the question .

“Mary has obtained a $10,000 loan to buy a used car. She is considering 12, 24, and 48-month loans, all of which carry an annual interest rate of 6%. Which of the following statements is true?” Yoongi reads, glancing at you for an answer.

“I hate you so much.” You scoff, covering your flushed face. You can’t believe he really went from fingering you and back to studying, well, helping you study now like it’s nothing. “And the answer is ‘A longer loan period means she will pay more total interest’!”

Yoongi's low chuckle ripples through the room, a mixture of amusement and a hint of satisfaction. He leans back, a playful glint in his eyes as he takes in your blushing and slightly disheveled appearance. The aftermath of a brief interlude from studying seems to have lightened the mood, and he can't help but revel in his revenge move.

"Post-nut clarity does wonders, doesn't it, angel?" he teases, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The humor in his tone lingers, adds an extra layer of playfulness to the moment. "Glad I could assist."

“Please, shut up!”

Yoongi's low chuckle fills the room again as he leans back in his chair, still basking in the aftermath of the unconventional study break. "You know, I'm just trying to make sure you remember the material. Practical application, right?"

Rolling your eyes, you reach for your water bottle, taking a long sip to cool down the lingering warmth on your face. "Practical application, my ass. You just wanted an excuse to finally get back at me.”

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" He smirks, closing the textbook with a decisive snap. "Now, back to studying for your Finance final."

“You’re unbelievable, Min Yoongi.” You groan dramatically, but you can't deny that maybe this helped you destress.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 4TH [TUESDAY]

The week swiftly transitions into finals, marked by a cascade of exams and the pressure building up for the impending challenges. The first two days witness you navigating through three exams, managing to hold your own despite the weight of academic stress.

Amidst the stress, Jin's birthday slipped your mind. The oversight dawns on you during the marketing group project presentation run-through. The team, a makeshift family made during this semester, surprises Jin with a chocolate lunchbox cake adorned with a Mario frosting doodle. Thank God someone else remembered. The makeshift Mario-themed cake adds a touch of joy to the moment, catching Jin off guard.

"Hyejin, I really thought that box was just extra food from the dining hall." Jin chuckles as he is about to take a bite of the cake. Hwasa playfully kicks him in the butt, laughter echoing in the room. Amid the small birthday celebration, the impending final marketing presentation remains a looming challenge.

The team urges you to lead the presentation, praising your storytelling skills that you tend to downplay. Jimin and Jin offer words of encouragement, reassuring you that your ability to make things work out will shine through once again. As you contemplate the final tomorrow, you hope things will go well. For now, the celebratory atmosphere provides a momentary reprieve before the final academic hurdle of the semester.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 5TH [WEDNESDAY]

The following day arrives, and you find yourself standing in the seminar classroom, ready to deliver your In-N-Out marketing presentation. Unlike the typical lecture hall, the business school's seminar classrooms mimic real-world business meetings, focusing attention on the speaker.

Dressed in a crisp white collared blouse paired with a sleek black pencil skirt, you exude professionalism. The subtle hum of the pantyhose beneath your attire and the comfort of loafers complete the polished look, projecting confidence and sophistication as you prepare to engage your audience. The rest of your team members are dressed in similar fashion, with black slacks and white collared shirts. Jimin, Jin, and Matthew sport black ties as well.

You begin the presentation with a captivating introduction: "Ladies and gentlemen, today, we're delving into the world of In-N-Out – not just a fast-food chain, but a West Coast staple and a testament to effective marketing. Let's talk about why people don't just eat at In-N-Out; they love it, and we're about to uncover the secrets behind their success."

As you, Hwasa, Matthew, Jin and Jimin weave through the details of In-N-Out's marketing strategy, emphasizing its family-oriented approach and the cult-like following it has garnered, the room becomes animated with engaged reactions from your peers. The dialogue is punctuated with anecdotes about the brand's iconic status, creating an atmosphere of hunger and nostalgia.

The end of your presentation is met with applause and excitement. To add to the celebration, Matthew surprises the class with several boxes of In-N-Out animal style fries. That was his idea to entice the audience and the judge, Professor Kim. The gesture not only elevates the experience but also earns cheers from your hungry classmates, turning the presentation into a shared moment of enjoyment. Even your professor can't help but express pride in the engaging and delicious conclusion to your marketing showcase.

As the final comes to an end, your team members shower you with congratulations for delivering an exceptional presentation, with special praise for your captivating introduction and conclusion. Professor Kim approaches your team, a smile on her face, to deliver the good news. She informs you that you all received an A on the final project. Although she hasn't graded the paper portion yet, the impressive effort you put into the project leads her to believe it's bound to be another automatic A.

Walking back home with Jimin, you think about how the success of the presentation and the positive feedback from your professor lifts your spirits.

“Honey, I actually ended up getting you something for working hard throughout the semester on this project. Consider it an early christmas gift too?” Jimin speaks as his hand is shuffling inside his pocket to find the keys to the front door.

Jimin got you a present? You thought it was a little odd, but not completely unlike him to do something like that. He’s always been kind, and while his love language is clearly physical touch, gift giving ties with words of affirmation as a second.

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, Jiminie. Like, really!” You insisted your best friend, walking in once he opens the door.

“It’s nothing! It’s up in my room. I’ll come right over to your room once i grab it.”

You nod, heading upstairs to your room right next to Jimin’s. You don’t know why, but when someone suddenly says they get you something, you can’t help but feel a little nervous. What could he have possibly gotten that he insists on giving it to you before Christmas. Maybe it’s food? There is a bakery off campus that has special made-to-order seasonal pies. You remember going with Jimin and Taehyung to get a pumpkin cream pie there last year, but you were too busy this semester to have time to order one.

Well…

You’re not too far from that guess. Actually you were very far off from any potential thought of what this man could have gifted you, but when Jimin enters your room holding a relatively small black box, you know for a fact that this is not food.

“Here,” Jimin hands you the box, which feels slightly heavy. “Open it.”

Jimin’s eyes and lips turn into crescent moons as he sits on the bed next to you. Oh this can’t be good. You give him a weird glance before going ahead and opening the black box.

What you find in there, makes you yelp and you drop the box which causes the object in it to plop out onto the floor.

“Jimin, what the fuck!”

Suppressing his giggles, Jimin maintains a hushed tone to avoid drawing attention to the two of you in your room. You hope to God that no one else is in this house right now, but given what has happened previously, there’s always one other person somewhere.

"You got me a sex toy… Why would you buy this?!" you whisper with a blend of surprise and agitation, not quite sure what to make of the unexpected gift. You never expected Jimin to get you something like this. And if this were any other situation, you’d probably laugh, but all you can do is look at Jimin with a mortified expression.

Jimin, unable to suppress his laughter any longer, bursts into a fit of giggles. He quickly places a hand over his mouth, attempting to stifle the noise. You, on the other hand, are still grappling with the absurdity of the situation as you stare at the rose-shaped adult toy lying innocently on the floor.

"I thought you could use a little stress relief," Jimin finally manages to say between laughs. "And we did talk about experimentation before, so I wanted to try this on you. I kept seeing people talk online about it so i wanna use it on you."

His words make your face blush red rapidly. You pick up the toy, and now closely examining it to see that it is indeed one of those rose-shaped clit sucking sex toys that have been trending online, however this one comes attached to a vibrating dildo at the bottom of the rose.

You can’t believe he got you a fucking vibrating clit sucking toy and dildo.

This isn’t a pumpkin cream pie you were hoping for, but this could be involved in other cream pies.

And he’s right. You were keen on the idea of experimenting new things involving sex, and while other things like bdsm crossed your mind first, using sex toys wasn’t really a thought at all. You hadn’t done too much with the two men, but you’ve been pretty satisfied giving or receiving oral or an occasional quickie.

“Hey, hey, darling. I thought we could try it, but if you’re not comfortable with this, we don’t have to do it.” he speaks up before you can speak out your own thoughts. But you really don’t know what else to say besides ‘what the fuck’. You’re so shocked that you can’t even react or talk properly.

“We? You want us to try this?” you ask slowly, looking back at your best friend that gives you a short nod. He wants to try this himself?! Or did he mean use it on you?

“I mean you can try it when you’re alone, it’s totally up to you.”

“What? No! ” you shake your head.

“I just want to help make you feel good. You’re already doing so much being with Yoongi hyung and I. Sex with you feels so amazing, and I don’t know if you feel the same, so I thought this would help emphasize those feelings.”

Sex with Jimin feels so liberating, so sensual. It is definitely a contrast from fucking Yoongi, which makes you feel secure and comfort. Fuck, Y/N. If you’re doing this deal to figure out your feelings, it’s not going to be easy. You care about both of them equally. You can’t fathom being without either of them in your life.

“Is this something you want to try?” you ask him curiously, and you see him relax when he notices your interest and that you’re no longer overthinking his present.

“If you want to,” he answers seriously, which causes you to glare at him. “We can just try the roses’ function to start and then the dildo depending how you feel?”

The thought of him using this toy piques your curiosity and brings a tinge of excitement. It's new territory for you. You've only been with a total of 4 people in your life. And you’ve never had the balls to buy something like this, not even when you wanted to pleasure yourself. Your fingers could do only so little inside you and flicking the bean, that you often ended up more frustrated with no orgasm.

“Okay, let’s try it.” You walk towards your door, locking it, and turning back to sit on your bed. “Also, when did you even buy this?”

Jimin chuckles, taking your hand as he laces his fingers with your own. “I had passed a sex shop the other day I went out to buy something else. So I got it, hid it in my room, and waited. It wasn’t easy.” he answers, watching you as you grab the vibrator again with your free hand and examine the object.

“With this much functionality, it looks expensive?”

“Oh trust me, it was. I got it in pastel pink because it’s cute just like your pussy.” He pouts, making you reflexively hit him in the arm. “I’d get anything for you, my love.”

Oh fuck, your heart is beating fast.

“Jimin, you joke a lot, but don’t say stuff like that.” You murmur, avoiding his eyes while looking at the sex toy.

“But why not? It’s true!” He tells you honestly, placing a kiss on your cheek, making you sigh at the feeling.

But what’s true? That he genuinely means you’re his love or that he’ll get you anything?

Things like this mess with your head. It makes you think things like him actually being in love with you is a possibility. But he wouldn’t fall for you. You know how Jimin has always been. Hopping from one person to another. You’re not entirely sure what feelings he has to sort out for him to be involved in this deal, but maybe the casual sex with his best friend is a temporary bliss for him to indulge in pleasure. But there is a part of you that does think otherwise.

The way he carries himself when he’s around you is much different than how he is with other girls, even previously with Irene. He’s truly himself, constantly showering you with love and physical affection even when others are looking, making you wish he could freely kiss you and fuck you senselessly. You wonder if he realizes this contrast as well. Though for him, these actions might just come natural when he’s around you. He has known you for almost a decade. Other people really don’t bat an eye at that like at the halloween party. And when you return that energy back at him, what does that really say about how you feel about Jimin?

Is this love?

Maybe the excessive release of sex hormones are getting to your head. You should just focus on indulging in the pleasure and go all out while you’re still in college. It’ll probably end sooner or later. As it should. Maybe Jimin and Yoongi should find someone else that isn’t as indecisive as you.

“Let’s try it.” you speak up, slowly handing out the toy to Jimin as his eyes widen in shock.

“Right now? Really? You looked kinda scared earlier.” he asks, eyes filled with worry but also a hidden excitement behind them.

“I did look scared, didn’t I?,” You laugh, “But I want to try this. Gotta live it up while I still can.” You assure him, giving him a slight smile he returns.

Giving you a little nod, he leans in next to you, reaching your lips for a kiss. He gives a few pecks to them, before he stands up and hovers over you. Reaching for his white collared shirt and clutching it in a fist, you pull him towards you which surprises him and causes him to stumble back.

He pins you down with his darkened eyes meanwhile a satisfied grin appears on his plump lips as your back meets the mattress. When his lips press against your jaw, neck and slowly move at the top of your blouse-covered breasts, you feel yourself arching from the bed in a desperate need to feel him more and closer. While his lips are preoccupied with your exposed skin that is available to his mouth, Jimin’s hands are too busy gripping your hips, ass.

He leans down, pulling off your pantyhose, your pencil skirt, and then your white lace panties. The sight of your bare pussy never ceases to amaze him.

“You looked hot in your professional business lady outfit, but I like seeing you without anything on.”

You giggle at his silly remark. Typical horny college student.

He presses the rose toy against your sensitive clit, and you shiver at the contact. He turns it on, the first setting of soft vibrations already sending shocks of pleasure coursing through your body.

Your breath starts to quicken as Jimin presses on to modes of vibrations, intensifying the feeling inside you. You close your eyes, feeling light-headed from the pleasure and anticipation. Meanwhile, Jimin's free hand continue to roam, exploring every inch of your body. He somehow manages to unbutton your white blouse with one hand and then pushes up your lilac floral bra to get a view of your breasts. He massages them gently, pinching your nipples up between his fingers.

As the vibrations reach a higher pitch, you can feel your body becoming more and more aroused. You’re worried that it sounds too loud, but before you can ponder it more, you moan softly, unable to resist the pleasure that's building inside you.

“F-Fuck…”

Jimin grins wickedly, his eyes never leaving your flushed face. "Feeling good, Y/N?"

You nod, unable to form words. Your body is now a mass of need, every muscle tensing and releasing in waves of pleasure.

With that, the vibration gets more intense and faster, your clit throbbing almost painfully while Jimin starts rubbing the rose at your most sensitive spot. This feeling is different – you’ve never felt this kind of pleasure before. You suddenly understand Jimin's eagerness to try something new and trying sex toys was something you never thought you'd experience. He’s truthful to his words, wanting to help you feel pleasure through different ways.

The new pleasant feeling makes your whole body shiver, or maybe it’s Jimin's dark lustful eyes hovering over with dark hair falling onto his face, or it’s a simple combination of both that takes you over the edge before you can even realize it. With another rub and skilful twist of his wrist, you’re instantly cumming undone just from the set of vibration. Legs shakingly in the air from the intensity, liquid squirting out which you never thought your body could do.

Holy shit.

Jimin rides you through it, slowing down the vibration until he fully turns it off when you're left breathless.

"How was it?" he smirks, watching your chest rise and fall as you catch your breath, waiting for you to glance back at him. “I can’t believe that made you squirt, has that ever happened to you before?”

"You're fucking crazy…” The residual tingles linger, and a sly grin crosses your face as you appreciate the Jimin’s spontaneity. “I’ve never actually squirted in my life so I guess it was that good then?”

“Really? Never?” Jimin asks, feeling prideful for being the first one to get you to squirt. “God, I wish I could brag about this.”

“Yeah, but would you please help me clean up because we yet again ruined another set of sheets.” You giggle as you get up from the wet spot, feeling cold, sticky and in need of a shower. Jimin, already an experienced cleaner, goes to grab extra bedding from your closet.

You somehow manage to survive the semester. Barely.

+++++++++++++++++++

December 8th [SATURDAY]

On Saturday, the whole house is buzzing with activity as everyone packs their luggage or duffle bags to head back home for the holidays after finals. Since all of you are from the same hometown, you've decided to carpool in the only two vehicles you have available: Jin's car, carrying Taehyung, Jungkook, and Hoseok, and Jimin's car, with you, Namjoon, and Yoongi.

As Jimin pulls up to your street, a sense of nostalgia washes over you. The familiar houses, the tree-lined streets, and the cozy neighborhood covered in Christmas decor evoke nostalgic memories. At the end of the cul-de-sac, are two houses where you and Namjoon live. Jimin and Yoongi drop you both off, bidding you goodbye for the time being.

“You won’t get rid off us for long,” Yoongi chuckles as he moves to sit on the front passenger seat, which you previously sat on. You get car sick if you’re in the back.

“Yeah, you two will see us around! Probably one more than the other.” Jimin winks at you, knowing that these words are definitely targeted at you. Namjoon has no idea of the meaning behind the words. Though you don’t know if you end up having any rendezvous with them during the break. Too risky.

“Okay, okay! You two better get home before your moms decide to call me worried about your whereabouts.” You shoo them away. “Don’t forget to text me about whatever you decide to do during break.”

“We will,” Yoongi waves to the both of you as Jimin turns the car around the cul-de-sac to leave, Namjoon and you watch as Jimin's car drives away until it disappears around the corner. The air is crisp, and the quietness of the suburban streets contrasts with the bustling holiday season. Namjoon turns to look at you, with a smile, “Well I’ll be sure to come over one of these days to hang out and send my greetings to your parents.”

You giggle at his politeness, “I know you just want to come over and eat the Christmas treats my mom is going to whip up, so yes, you’re to come over Joonie.”

The two of you share a slightly awkward silence before Namjoon breaks it with a warm hug. There's something about him embracing you in public that leaves you feeling flustered. This isn’t the first time that it has happened, but you can't help but notice the subtle reddening of your cheeks. As he pulls away, you hope he doesn't catch on, but he seems more focused on grabbing his luggage from the ground. With a quick "bye," he leaves you standing there, slightly dumbfounded.

What was that?

You shake your head, deciding to give yourself more time to think about it once you’re settled back in your room.

You approach your front door and knock. The familiar scent of home envelops you as your sister swings it open, excitement evident in her words as she wraps you in a tight hug. Stepping aside, she ushers you into the house. Your parents are at work, and won't be back until evening. Despite the months that have passed since you were last home, returning after a college break always feels a bit strange. The absence of the usual ruckus created by the other guys intensifies the void of loneliness.

In your room, you sit and stare at your phone, mindlessly scrolling through TikToks and other apps for hours. Eventually, you decide to lock your phone and gaze up at the ceiling, contemplating the different atmosphere and reflection of the fall semester in the quiet surroundings of your family home.

This is too much alone time to overthink.

It's also the first moment of peace you've had. It suddenly hits you — you're entangled with two out of your three best friends. It feels insane, and a month into this arrangement, your emotions remain tangled and unsorted. What the fuck are you going to do? There’s no game plan to this and it kind of scares you. There's also a particular aspect you've been avoiding, a name that lingers in your conscience: Namjoon.

You do feel guilt over doing this behind Namjoon's back. And a part of you hurts doing this too. It doesn’t feel right. He doesn��t deserve that either.

Now with Jimin joining this thing that you have with Yoongi, you wonder if Namjoon would be willing to do that too. You're aware that he's no longer with Jihyo, but whether he's involved with someone else, you're uncertain. The image of him on his phone during the card game flashes in your mind, but amid the chaos, you've been preoccupied with managing your own emotions and keeping everything under wraps.

No. Namjoon, the most logic-driven member in your quad and whole Beta Tau Sigma house would never. That’s like crazy. What kind of sane person is friends with benefits with three people at the same time? You can barely handle two people, let alone three. And as you had already thought before, what will the end result be? You only end up with one of them. And what about the other two?

Things would be easier if you could all be in a polyamorous relationship.

That’s only a dream though. No way that could happen when society is still iffy when it comes to sam sex relationships.

But not having Namjoon in the mix feels like you can’t properly settle things.

You don’t think Namjoon has those types of feelings or thoughts of you because he’s known you the longest. He's been there from the beginning, witnessing your growth and sharing a bond that transcends mere friendship. Family. In his eyes, you're more like a little sister, a connection resembling the one he has with his actual sibling, Kyeongmin, navigating her freshman year at a different college.

Your phone pinged unexpectedly, prompting you to check the 0309x1013 group chat.

Yoongi [4:21 PM]: Can we change the gc name to something else?

You decide to reply.

You [4:21 PM]: All of a sudden?

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: It’s too sus.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: My brother was getting ideas when he saw my phone light up.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: He said he saw a dating scandal break out with a group chat named with dates in Korea.

Jimin [4:23 PM]: LMAO

Jimin [4:23 PM]: I got an idea for a new name just now.

[[Jimin changed the GC name to ‘The Sanctuary’]]

Yoongi [4:25 PM]: The Sanctuary?

Jimin [4:26 PM]: It’s a SONG I really like right now.

Jimin [4:26 PM]: I think this name fits the purpose of this gc really well.

You [4:27 PM]: I like it c;

You [4:27 PM]: You guys are my sanctuary c:

Yoongi [4:29 PM]: …

Jimin [4:30 PM]: LOL not hyung being flustered. Jimin [4:30 PM]: this is too funny!! i never see him like this Yoongi [4:32 PM]: Aye....

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: She needs to stop..

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: you're being too cute honey! >:3

You find it adorable when Yoongi gets flustered, which doesn’t happen too often. You’re glad you have these two around, as close as you could possibly have them all to yourself. Is this selfish? Well isn't that what love is about? To be a bit selfish in wanting those you care about close to you? Shaking off those contemplative thoughts, you focus on the playful banter within the group chat.

++++++++++

December 10th [Monday]

On Monday morning, a text from Kyeongmin brightens your day. The invitation to join their family for some homemade kimchi is too tempting to resist. You slip out of your pajamas, opting for flared jeans and a cozy turtleneck, then head next door.

Kyeongmin greets you with a warm hug, exclaiming, "Unnie! It's been a while! How have you been?" She gestures for you to come inside, and you gladly accept.

"I've been good! It's been an eventful semester, to say the least," you reply. As you step in, Namjoon's mom, Mrs. Kim, peeks out from the kitchen.

"Namjoon hasn't been giving you a hard time, has he?" she teases. You smile at her, appreciating the familiarity of the Kim family home.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim! At the start, I would say he was, but he's been good. How are you doing?" you ask, approaching her.

"I'm doing good, sweetheart. I'm glad Joonie has been a good sport," she replies. Mrs. Kim hands you chopsticks with a piece of kimchi, urging you to eat. You gladly oblige, savoring the familiar taste.

"Thank you! Luckily, Yoongi and Seokjin were in charge of cooking, so we were able to eat well," you share.

"Is Oppa still a terrible cook?" Kyeongmin snickers as she chewed a mouthful of food.

"Haha, actually, he's been improving, thanks to Yoongi. He can make really good carbonara now," you giggle as you praise Namjoon, who coincidentally enters the dining room and takes a seat.

"Oh, Y/N, you're here!" he exclaims in a sleepy voice. Dressed in a black tank top and grey sweatpants, he seems to have just woken up.

"Did you really just wake up?" you tease.

"Yeah, because I was resting. The whole point of the break, Honey,"

"I like to be more productive with my breaks, Joonie," you smirk, earning an eye roll from Namjoon.

Mrs. Kim ushers you to join Namjoon at the table, setting up an array of banchan in front of both of you before placing bowls of Doenjang-jjigae as well.

"So, what's the move for today?" you ask.

"I had plans to go meet up with someone," Namjoon replies.

"Someone?" you inquire.

"Was it that girl you were on the phone with last night?" Kyeongmin adds, and Namjoon chokes on his kimchi.

"Kyeong!"

You can't help but wonder if your suspicions about Namjoon seeing someone are accurate.

"What? There's no reason for you to be hiding that from Y/N. She's your best friend, after all," Kyeongmin remarks. Her words strike a chord in your heart.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Kyeong. Y/N would be the first to know if I was, right, Y/N?" Namjoon looks at you.

You hum, "Mm, I don't know, Namjoon. You didn't tell me about you and Jihyo until October." Namjoon’s eyes widen at the mention of his technically ex-girlfriend in front of his sister. His mom is too occupied looking for something in the pantry to hear.

"Oh my God, you had a girlfriend?!" Kyeongmin gasps.

"Well…" Namjoon clears his throat, "We ended things before we made it official."

"Why?" Kyeongmin looks at both of you, hoping for an explanation.

"It's complicated," he vaguely replies, and the topic is dropped. The room falls into a brief silence as you all continue to eat.

"Y/N, are you seeing someone?" Mrs. Kim asks as she enters the dining room with more kimchi.

"N-No," you stammer, catching Namjoon's eyes. "I've been focused on my studies too much to look for love."

"Oh, you're such a studious girl," she praises, patting your back. "I was thinking of setting you up with my friend's son. His name is Lee Dongmin. He goes to a lovely private university down south. You'd love him!"

"Mom," Namjoon warns, a certain look in his eyes.

Trying to lighten the situation, you giggle, "Thank you, Mrs. Kim. I'll think about it and let you know."

After finishing your meal, washing the dishes, and bidding farewell to the Kim family, you return home. As Mrs. Kim closes the door, Namjoon heads back to his room, avoiding eye contact.

"I see you still get jealous," his mom observes, aware of the feelings Namjoon harbors for you.

He shakes his head, "I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Why do you say that?"

"I just know that Yoongi and Jimin probably feel the same way. Maybe even more guys at school feel the same way too. I don't know how I compare to them," he admits, leaving his mother sighing in the living room over her son's reluctance to express his feelings.

++++++++++++++++

December 12th [Wednesday]

It's around noon on December 12th, a Wednesday, when Namjoon decides to surprise you with an unannounced visit. He has a habit of dropping by unexpectedly, assuming you wouldn't have any weekday plans during winter break. However, today, he's in for a surprise himself.

Expecting to find you in your usual winter break attire – Christmas green and blue plaid pajama pants and a band t-shirt – he's taken aback. Your eyes light up at the sight of him, clearly not anticipating his presence. Namjoon sneaks a glance at your outfit, a grey roll neck knit sweater dress paired with thigh-high black felt boots. He quickly shifts his gaze back to your face, hoping you didn't catch him checking you out. Are you actually dressed to go out?

"O-Oh hey, Joon! What's up?" you greet him.

"Hey, uh, I came over to hang out with you, but I see you have plans?"

"Oh, um," you look down at your well-put-together outfit, a bit embarrassed he caught you dressed up, "I had plans to hang out with Yoongi, actually, but something came up, so now I'm dressed up to be at home."

Yoongi? Fuck. His mind briefly flits to bad thoughts of you two together, but he quickly dismisses it. We're all friends here. Yoongi wouldn't do that. Still, his insecurities have been getting the better of him lately.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon sounds more surprised than he intended.

"Yeah, we were going to go out shopping for Christmas gifts," you explain. Namjoon mentally sighs in relief. "But his mom is dragging him to help with some church fundraising event selling soondae soup."

Namjoon makes a mental note to thank Mrs. Min silently. This unexpected turn of events gives him the chance to hang out with you alone for the first time in forever.

"So what I'm hearing is that you're free?" he teases, leaning against the doorway and looking at you.

"Depends," you pucker your lips in thought, "What did you have in mind?"

Namjoon knows you're mostly a homebody, except for those spontaneous bursts of energy. He treads carefully with his suggestion, aware that one wrong move could lead you to decline his invitation. But there's one thing he's pretty sure you won't refuse.

"Want to get boba?"

"Boba?!" Bingo. Your eyes widen with excitement. "Is it from the place I'm thinking of?"

“Tea-cha!” You both exclaim in unison. Tea-cha is a familiar spot, closely located to the neighborhood where you both reside. It holds sentimental value, being the place you both frequented after school back in your high school. The boba might not be that great, but he knows the pure nostalgia makes you crave it whenever you're back home.

"Just like old times," Namjoon remarks, gazing deeply into your eyes. A dark, coffee like color that glistens stars made up of tiny sugar crystals. Always mesmerizing, he thinks to himself.

"Okay, but I'll drive!" you offer, grabbing the keys and your bag hanging on the hooks next to your door. "I can't believe you still don't have your license after all this time." You laugh, but he's always been apprehensive about the prospect of getting into an accident. With all his friends driving, he hasn't felt the urgent need to obtain a license.

"Shut up, tiny. I'll get it someday."

+++++++++++++++

You navigate your trusty black sedan while Namjoon occupies the passenger seat, engrossed in scrolling through his phone to peruse the menu.

Arriving at Tea-cha, he takes the initiative to place your order: strawberry green tea with honey boba, 25% sweetness, and light ice. He beams with pride about knowing your preferred drink, and you can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm. For himself, he opts for a roasted oolong milk tea with honey boba. As you reach for your card to settle the bill, he swiftly taps his own card on the machine.

Already using up gas and driving, covering the boba tab is the least he could do.

After securing your boba drinks, you decide to take a trip down memory lane and drive to your old high school.

Sitting in the empty student parking lot, Namjoon cues up his favorite playlist, guided by your impeccable taste in music. "Ride" by HYBS fills the car, creating a nostalgic atmosphere as you sip your drinks and gaze out at the familiar football field. The landscape around is serene, with birds gliding by and the leafless trees standing against the winter chill.

As the soft melodies of the playlist envelop the car, your conversation with Namjoon takes on a myriad of trivial topics. From discussing the latest quirky memes circulating on the internet to reminiscing about the absurdities of his high school years, the range of subjects is as diverse as your friendship.

At one point, you find yourselves debating the merits of various fast-food items, playfully arguing over the supremacy of McDonald's fries versus Burger King's onion rings. Namjoon can't help but chuckle at your passionate defense.

The conversation then shifts to your shared love for classic literature, with Namjoon excitedly recommending a new novel he recently discovered. You, in turn, share your fascination with a contemporary author you had just discovered during your break. Namjoon made a mental note to get you a book by them for Christmas.

The triviality of the topics is what makes these moments special to him, like exchanging anecdotes about your friends or laughing about the virginity race from high school.

You asked, curiosity evident in your eyes, "Speaking of people, who did you end up seeing on Monday?"

The question catches Namjoon off guard. He wasn’t trying to hide who he was going to go see, but also didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.

"Oh, uh, I met up with Soyoon," he carefully admits, the words carrying a sharp feeling as he voice them out.

"Soyoon? As in my coworker and friend, Hwang Soyoon?"

"Yeah," he responds, sensing a shift in the atmosphere. A fleeting thought crossed his mind— maybe that wasn’t a good idea. He mentally curses Kyeongmin for bringing it up on Monday and you hearing it.

"Shit," he mutters internally, realizing that this could imply that he likes Soyoon. He fidgeted, contemplating the consequences of his openness.

"Ah, didn't know she was your type," you remark casually, resuming the rhythmic sip of your drink. There it is. The one thing he knew you’d jump to conclude.

"I said I'm not seeing anyone," he protests, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "We're just talking." He tries to steer the conversation away from misconceptions, emphasizing his purely platonic interactions with Soyoon.

You, however, narrow your eyes, a gesture that did not escape Namjoon's notice. "About ART! She’s helping me with something." he clarifies.

"Okay, Joonie, whatever you say," you respond, your tone carrying a subtle playfulness.

The conversation takes an unforeseen turn when Namjoon, succumbing to an unspoken frustration, poses a question he instantly regrets.

"What about you? Dressing up all cute to hang out with Yoongi?" The words slipped out, revealing an undercurrent of bitterness at the perceived shift in your priorities.

A sharp pang lingers within him. You've been spending more time with Yoongi and Jimin, which is starting to create a growing distance visible in his eyes.

He still remembers when Yoongi called him out back at Jimin’s birthday for not knowing your favorite drink. He still remembers when he saw you dancing giddily across the room with Jimin at Matthew’s halloween party. He still remembers hearing you, Yoongi, and Jimin laughing and talking from inside your room before he went up to call you over to the living room. He feels like an outsider these days, observing you in the light as he stands in the darkness, feeling pathetic and alone.

"It’s just Yoongi, Namjoon," you sigh, your feet shifting nervously, "Why are you always so overprotective of me?"

Because I don’t want to lose you to someone else.

Because I am actually in love with you?

And the thought of you being with someone else pisses me the fuck off.

Those are phrases running through Namjoon’s mind as he struggles with this dilemma, but doesn’t have the guts to say to you or anyone for that matter. Didn’t Jihyo say to get his shit sorted out? He’s really fucking up by remaining complacent to his current lifestyle because he is scared of getting you hurt.

The honesty in your response strikes a chord in him, but his internal fights find expression as he admits, "I’m sorry. It’s just, there’s been a lot on my mind lately. I feel like I don’t really know you anymore."

You register Namjoon's words with a mix of surprise and concern, the air around you heavy with unspoken tension. It's a moment suspended in the confines of your car, and Namjoon feels the weight of his own admission.

"I mean, everything's changed since we got to college, and it's not just with relationships or whatever," Namjoon continues, his eyes drifting to the nostalgia-inducing surroundings of your high school parking lot. “And I just…I've noticed you acting differently, feeling distant from me and I don't know how to navigate that." Namjoon admits, a hint of vulnerability seeping into his voice. His gaze searches your face for a sign, a cue that would unravel the mystery behind your recent actions.

You remain quiet, your eyes reflecting a complexity that eludes him. He fears pushing too hard, sensing that any additional pressure might push you further away. The car feels heavy with internal thoughts, the music’s hum a backdrop to the charged atmosphere.

"I guess I've been feeling…alone," Namjoon continues, his fingers tracing an absent pattern on the boba cup. "And seeing you with Yoongi, Jimin, and everyone, it's like…like the pieces don't fit the way they used to."

Your eyes soften, registering the sincerity in his words. A sense of deja vu in his words from a similar feeling from nights ago that he doesn’t know. Yet, there's a hesitancy, a wall that has grown between you two, making Namjoon wonder if it's a chasm that can be bridged.

"I know it's not fair to expect things to stay the same. We're all changing, I get that," he confesses, the weight of unspoken sentiments settling in the space between you, "But it feels like I'm losing you."

The admission lingers in the air.

"I felt the same way, actually," you confess, the words breaking the heavy silence. “When you started to talking to Jihyo last year and then you two sleeping with each other, even when Jimin started to get more invested in his relationship with Irene… I was feeling so left out.”

Namjoon wasn’t aware you felt that way. He left you with Yoongi, because Yoongi was someone he trusted would protect you. He wasn’t sure if Yoongi liked you in a romantic sense, but then at some point, he became worried he could’ve changed his mind.

”But I had Yoongs with me, and while it was a rough few months, he was always there to save me from falling into a dark void.”

Namjoon remembers the first time you fell into that dark void. You had become close friends with Yeonjun during your senior year as you both competed to be in the top 10 of your graduating class. You then invited him as your date to Seokjung’s wedding to spite Namjoon who had brought a date himself. He didn’t think you two were seeing each other until he saw you two kiss in the garden outside the reception. For some reason, that sight tore his heartstrings and debunked his previous thoughts.

Then the day he had gone up to campus to help you move into the dorm was the day he decided to end things. He’s still not sure why. Though, Namjoon hated that fucker for deciding to do that right as you were starting your new life. Yoongi saw it happen and was the first to comfort you. Then him and Jimin rushed to your aid as they went to buy snacks to celebrate the move-in. Yeonjun was lucky he wasn’t going to the same college as you. Namjoon would’ve made his life a living hell until the kid dropped out or transferred.

”So please don’t feel that way Namjoon. You have me. You have Yoongi, Jimin, everyone in the house and even those not living there. You have Soyoon too.”

Soyoon. She was a nice girl, different from Jihyo and you. Against the norms and all for breaking boundaries in art. He relates to that. He could have fallen for her if his heart wasn’t deadset on you. It’s been that way for years and he didn’t want to keep running from you anymore. Soyoon was actually helping him find the chance to tell you.

Namjoon absorbs your words, his mind processing the layers of emotion and revelation that have unfolded in this unexpected conversation. The honesty you've shared lays bare the intricacies of your feelings, illuminating a side of your experience he hadn't fully comprehended.

"I appreciate you saying that, Y/N," Namjoon begins, his voice sincere. "I never realized the impact my actions had on you. I guess I was so caught up in my own struggles that I didn't see how it affected you."

Namjoon finds himself drawing closer to you, the subtle shift in his posture closing the physical distance between you two. He can feel the warmth radiating from your presence, a comfort that transcends words. In the quietude of shared history, he inches closer, his gaze locked onto your warm coffee eyes.

"You've always been my constant, Y/N," he murmurs, the sincerity in his voice threaded with vulnerability. "making me feel grounded when I become overwhelmed."

The words lingers in the small space between you, and as his eyes meet yours, there's an understanding. Namjoon's hand instinctively reaches up, fingers gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. The touch is tender, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken connection that has woven itself through the tapestry of your friendship.

A soft blush graces your cheeks, an involuntary reaction to the proximity that leaves Namjoon captivated by your charm. He finds your bashfulness endearing.

The air is charged with a different energy, one that goes beyond friendship and borders of emotions you can’t pinpoint. Yet, in this delicate dance of shared frustrations and questions, Namjoon chooses to tread carefully, aware that some feelings are better left unsaid for now. The car becomes a cocoon, shielding you both from the world outside, as the echoes of lost words reverberate in the uncharted space between friends.

"I think we should head back…" you say, breaking the subtle tension that had wrapped around you both. The vulnerability shared in this moment needs time to settle, and the familiar grounds of your past are safer than the uncharted territories you've inadvertently explored.

Namjoon nods, his hand gently retracting from its intimate proximity.

“Y-Yeah, definitely.” He stutters, which isn’t a common thing for him. You find that cute though.

The drive back to your neighborhood is filled with a comfortable silence, punctuated by the occasional shared laughter about random memories of this town you lived in. The tension seems to dissipate gradually, replaced by the comforting familiarity that defines your friendship.

Once you arrive back at your place, Namjoon remains seated for a moment, his gaze fixed on the steering wheel. "Thanks for today," he says, his tone carrying a mix of gratitude and contemplation.

"It was nice, Joon," you reply, your eyes meeting his briefly. The sentiments still linger, like shadows dancing on the periphery, but for now, anything outside this boundary remain untouched.

++++++++++++++

December 25th [Tuesday]

The days leading up to Christmas are packed with plans, with you bustling through holiday preparations. You find yourself going out more than usual, whether it's Christmas gift shopping with Yoongi for the guys or joining the late birthday dinner for Jin at his favorite local Koreatown BBQ place. Amidst the festivities, you occasionally run into Namjoon, sharing dinners with Mrs. Kim or your own family. The Sanctuary group chat keeps you entertained during the quieter moments.

Despite the festive busyness, there are times when you find yourself alone, lost in your thoughts. The echo of Namjoon's words hangs in the air, a revelation that caught you off guard. As you navigate through the hustle and bustle of the season, you can't help but confront the questions swirling in your mind.

A childish part of you feels a strange satisfaction knowing that Namjoon experienced the same loneliness he unwittingly subjected you to earlier in the semester. Yet, there's a deeper, more somber emotion beneath the surface. Each sigh you let out seems to spawn more questions than answers. What are you even doing right now, playing with your own heart while sleeping with your own best friends? You feel like you’re wasting their time and feelings as well. Another thought lingers in your mind: What if, in the midst of all this, you realize you had feelings for Namjoon all along? What’s going to happen then?

"Y/N? Did you want some of the treats my dad made?" Jihyun's voice breaks through your thoughts, and you glance up to find Jimin's younger brother peering at you. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks; you forgot you're at Jimin's house for Christmas. Losing yourself in contemplation in public and getting caught feels mortifying. You realize you need to figure things out soon.

"Jihyun! Sorry, I was lost in thought," you apologize, the embarrassment evident in your voice. "I'll take the blueberry scone! Thank you." The younger boy smiles, handing you the pastry with a napkin. As he continues offering treats to others in the house, you marvel at the holiday spirit that envelopes Jimin's home.

The living room, adorned with twinkling lights and holiday decorations, seems to come alive with excitement. Plush cushions and throws add a cozy touch to the seating arrangement. Jimin's mom, still in the kitchen, contributes to the festive atmosphere with her cheerful hums and the clinking of utensils. The aroma of holiday spices wafts through the air, creating a comforting and welcoming environment. It's a perfect setting for friends to gather and celebrate the joyous season.

"So January 19, we’re going camping?" Taehyung words catch onto your radar in the midst of you looking around at the decor.

"Huh? What? Camping?" You blurt out in surprise, prompting a sigh from Taehyung. You need to stop spacing out.

"Yeah, camping. We’ve talked about this before!" Jungkook exclaims, his eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. "Taehyung wants us to go on a frat retreat."

"Oh, well, sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind before, so I didn’t know," you reply, your gaze shifting to Yoongi and Jimin, who exchange unreadable glances. They quickly look away when you catch them.

"It’s gonna be us, but if you want to invite your lady friends, you can." Jin comments, taking a sip of his spiced tea with a contented smile.

"Uh, sure, I can invite Hwasa, Jieun, Soohyun, and Soyoon—" You pause, a sudden awareness of Namjoon's secret rendezvous with Soyoon making you hesitate. Unsure if it's appropriate to invite her, you choose your words carefully.

It seems Namjoon has similar thoughts, and he responds, "That’s a fine group." Maybe he had already discussed it with her. The realization hits you: why are you only finding out about this camping trip now?

"Then it’s settled! We’re going camping!" Hoseok yelps in excitement, wrapping his arms around Tae and Jungkook. The room buzzes with energy, filled with the anticipation.

However you can't shake the worry gnawing at your thoughts.

As the evening unfolds, you contemplate the upcoming camping trip, wondering if it will provide answers or only deepen the complexities within your friend group.

tbc :O a/n: we've made it halfway through!!! YAY! we finally got namjoon's perspective in here. camping chapter is up next! that will be loosely based on an irl experience i had going on an MT TRIP with my club back in college!! smack down in the winter during those 3 day weekends we get in january/february. Anyone have any thoughts or theories? i'd love to heart about them so lmk hehehe thank you all for reading!

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 7

Howdy, folks! It's time for this week's recap of what I read :)

As always, you can find the spreadsheet here, and you're always more than welcome to tag me in your fic if you'd like to be included. New and old fics both appreciated; anything from a drabble to a 400k word series is fine; and the only Pedro boy I don't really read is Pero Tovar.

Without further ado here are the fics I read this week and the unhinged ramblings of a madwoman (me) to substitute for a coherent recommendation.

One for the money, two for the show a Joel series by @cowgurrrl

Rockstar!Joel AU with such a sweet fake dating trope lead in and then the most delicious yummy angst. As your resident angst whore this was everything because it was so REAL and so fucking heartbreaking. And then the happy little hopeful ending and then all the drabbles and extras??? AH! My favorite part was the lil instagram stories i think <3

sharing is caring a Frankie/Santi one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Your friend Santi introduces you to his friend Frankie and uhhhh you guys go make a sandwich.

Only Lovers Left Alive a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

I love every single thing about this. Revenge. Vampires. Blood play kind of? Biting. Etc. This shit rocks.

Waiting Room a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

I fucking love what kel did with this song. The repetition of one for the road really fuckin got me too. Angst angst angst.

The Special One a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

What if a reluctant soulmates AU was also a vampire!Joel AU? It would be perfect, that's what. I'm loving vampire!joel rn anyway, but this was such a cool twist on it. Also his vibes in this are fucking immaculate

Copycat Killer a Joel series by @beskarandblasters

Bitch this is so good. Stalker!Reader x Rockstar Joel... fucking perfect. I love how they both kind of suck as human beings a little bit. And that blow job oh my GOD.

Sweet Creature a Dieter series by @wildemaven

I really really love how this story is going. The little town is so real to me and I love all the little places we get to see. The bookstore sounds like a DREAM. And I can't wait for Reader to bond with D over art ahhhhh.

Stitches a Din series by @djarinsbeskar

This fic is so fucking good dude. I love the set up for the whole thing and the reader character is really fuckin' cool. The like... 8 consecutive parts of incredible smut that continues to be genuinely interesting and really fucking hot even after like 200K words is extremely impressive. I'm also pretty sucked into the story and the way Medic is being interwoven into canon. Oh and the introspection we get from Din's POV is *chef's kiss*.... anyway pls god finish this story i need it

False God a Frankie series by @swiftispunk

Frankie asking for what he wants is so... yummy... especially when it's wanting to be your subby lil pussy eating king like... PLEASE. And his praise kink??? I am in Frankie heaven

102 a Frankie one shot by @tieronecrush

I fucking love this ahhhh. I felt so bad for Frankie but also their friendship is so cute??? I love the unrequited love//idiots to lovers trope

Safe in my Arms an Ezra one shot by @mishasminion360

Ezra struggling to adjust to having one less limb and me crying about it. This was so fucking good. The raw emotion he feels and reader's unwavering support... the realism in saying something that accidentally hurts his feelings and trying to take over tasks he might find difficult AGH. I love this so much

Leave Off Your Wandering a Joel series by @oonajaeadira

Adira, I fall in love with every single little world you create without fail. This is obviously no exception. Your sheep ranch is a dream. The way you build up this backstory with the Roostlings and the friendship with Tommy and Maria and just all these extra little details you take the time to flesh out and weave into the story... makes my heart sing, friend. I adore this <3

-------- fics i read a while ago and never recommended -------

Name a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff

Consent a Dieter series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Whiskey, Dark and Deep a Jack one shot by @prolix-yuy

Stay on the Screenplay a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)

A Safe Haven a Joel series by @joelsgreys

Psychomanteum a Dieter series by @whatsnewalycat

In Name Only an Oberyn series by @forever-rogue

------

I haven't written a word in weeks, so once again no updates for me :/

-----

Happy Reading

[doodlegirl1998]

your response literally made me realize that they need Izuku more than he needs them despite what Hori wants us to think.

Because think about it, nobody ever acknowledges Izuku unless he does something that benefits THEM! And fuck whatever he needs or wants!

They even make fun of his interests as if he’s the inpy one who does that sort of thing! So again, how am I supposed to believe they actually give a shit about him and his wellbeing?

Hi @theloganator101 👋

All of this. 👆

Now I like the idea of Izuku having friends, I like the idea of Izuku having ride or dies (such as Shoto.)

However, canon has left all of Izuku's friendships with the 'DekuSquad' and Class 1A as a whole to rot or actively does it a disservice in the name of 'comedy', for Bakugou's benefit or because Hori gives no care to them.

Class 1A, we know, never stand up for Izuku against Bakugou, so Hori's golden boy doesn't look bad. However, by consequence, it also looks like they don't care for Izuku apart from some key members like Tokoyami who never stand for Bakugou's shit. (Bless you, Tokoyami!)

However, with Izuku's main friendships in the 'Deku Squad', we have:

Izuku & Ochako - a friendship/budding relationship that is left to rot and actively done a disservice for 'comedy' and Bakugou's benefit.

Izuku & Iida - a friendship that is left to rot and actively done a disservice for 'comedy' and Bakugou's benefit.

Izuku & Shoto - a friendship that is actively done a disservice for 'comedy' and for Bakugou's benefit.

Izuku & Tsuyu - left to rot and done a disservice for Bakugou's benefit.

Izuku & Aoyama - left to rot.

How are we meant to buy that Ochako cares for and 'loves' Izuku when she calls him 'plain' and is so set on hiding her feelings?

When she doesn't stand up for him when he's being abused by Bakugou and when she looks freaked out whenever Izuku is shown to enjoy his hobbies?

Or when she 'who loves Izuku' barely spends any time with him?

From what we see in canon, we can't.

How are we meant to buy Iida cares for Izuku when he barely appears with him now?

How are we meant to buy Iida is Izuku's "best friend" yet when he is so quick to call Izuku "Mr House Arrest" and take Aizawa's side without hearing out Izuku?

Or when Iida is so quick to hit him* after Izuku getting out of the hospital?

Logically, we can't. *Yes, Iida apologised for doing this. However, this moment does rub me wrong, and even if this punch is nullified by the apology, the other criticisms still stand.

How are we meant to buy Shoto cares for Izuku when he thinks nothing of Bakugou verbally and physically berating Izuku now*?

*Yes, Shoto is an abuse victim, and some become desensitised to this behaviour as a result - however Shoto did not begin the series acting this way, so what conclusion can we draw?

How are we meant to buy that Shoto is a close friend of Izuku when he is chasing after Bakugou's friendship (Bakugou, who is openly hateful of Izuku?)

It looks like, through Hori trying to glorify Bakugou, that Shoto doesn't care as much for Izuku as we would like to think.

Tsuyu and Aoyama are barely even there anymore, let alone bond with Izuku.

Tsuyu used to stand up to Bakugou and his bullshit openly - now? Not a peep. She's only here to be an accessory to Toga vs. Ochako and Ochako as a whole. Izuku, who?

Aoyama has strong parallels with Izuku due to both starting the series quirkless and being given a quirk by AFO and AM, respectively. Yet this friendship is barely given any focus by Hori. Hori doesn't want Izuku to think about his own past during Aoyama's backstory, so he fails to give Izuku any introspection and fails to deepen their connection and Izuku's character as a result.

Class 1A as a whole are also done a disservice by Hori having them all gang up on Izuku with Bakugou leading the charge.

To conclude - Hori hates Izuku and it is clear looking at just how dirty he does all his connections in 1A and major friendships.