#He’s a monster. That’s what that means… He doesn’t want to save people anymore and that means… | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

placeinthemiddleofnowhere · 1 year

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How 'bout I stay here and you fight?

Pairing: König x Reader

Summary: You’re determined to find out why everyone thinks König is so scary, afterall he’s just some guy that’s taller than most people right? He’s probably harmless! Well, he’s a little scary, but you still like him anyway.

(No use of y/n or mention of gender/race)

AN: Let me start off by saying I'm sooo sorry for the time it took me to update this, I know that it's been quite a gap since the last upload. Hopefully the wait was worth it though, because I have written about 30 pages for you here, so there's lots to sink your teeth into! As always, thanks for all your support and interaction and all the questions you have about the series, having everyone's lovely messages and art means a lot 💕 knowing I have this community to come back to while I stress out about life stuff is amazing, so thanks for being there! Enjoy the next update ☺️

Part 8 of A Rocky Start - Full Masterlist Here

-☠️-

“Ghost before you-”

“Before I what, Sneak?” Ghost spat, shaking with the effort it took to contain himself. “Before I tell Price? Before I jump to conclusions? What? You gonna try and tell me those aren’t what I think they are? Are you going to keep lying to me? Well go on then, tell me what you think I want to hear, Sneak. It’s what you’ve been doing this whole time isn’t it! You selfish little lying fuck.”

“No! I never wanted to lie to you Ghost, I just-”

“You never wanted to lie to me? Yet, you let me believe that König had screwed you over that day in the gym. Mustn't have been some cheap lay by the looks of things, that must have been you that clawed up his back like that! And to think all this time, I thought better of you,” he snorted, pounding the wall next to you with his gloved palm. “You made us look like idiots running around after you, trying to make you feel better all this time! You’ve had us all concerned about you while you’ve been fucking that cunt behind our backs!”

You whimpered and shrunk into the cold plaster at your back, distantly feeling like you were lying on a slab at a morgue. Everything in you said that it wasn’t long until you were going to be meeting your end. Ghost was wide eyed and loud as a lion as he tore into you, now slapping both his hands on the wall and sandwiching you firmly between him and it. You gulped and clenched your fists, trying to swallow the burning feeling that crept up your throat like a trail of gasoline. Everything was falling apart and you couldn't even see the pieces through the wreckage to try and save them.

“I didn’t intend for that to happen…it just happened that way. You assumed that König had slept around - I didn’t say it - I just didn't correct you. I couldn’t correct you!”

“Do you think that helps? Do you think it’s better knowing that you took advantage of my trust - in all of the 141’s trust? Do you know how much it hurts to realise that someone that you thought you could count on could be capable of deceiving you for months? That someone that you treat like family apparently doesn’t give a shit and would throw you away for a bit of Austrian Muscle? He’s barely even a person under all that fight and armour, he’s a fucking monster, Sneak, and yet you’ve left us for him!”

You clenched your teeth and rubbed the tears from your cheeks, furiously shaking even though you tried to resist. Ghost knew he had you overwhelmed. He was taking full advantage of your upset, taking his revenge on you now and tearing you down. After all those months you spent running ahead of him, keeping on top of all your lies, you’d really thought that you might manage to get away with it all. Not anymore. Your feet were knocked from under you now.

“I- It- It wasn’t like that!” You protested, choking on your words.

“How wasn’t it?” Ghost roared.

“Because he’s not a monster! We care for each other, he- he cares for me, Ghost.”

“Oh, clearly! You’d have to, it has to be worth it, doesn’t it? You’ve made your choice haven’t you? You’ve gambled your place in the 141 all these months and now your chickens have come home to roost. You think you broke our trust by going against my order that day on the field? How do you think this elaborate fucking lie is going to look to Price? It’s going to ruin you, Sneak.You’re going to break up the team!”

“You mean- you, and Pr- Price is going to kick me out?”

“Who knows what the fuck he’ll do! All I know for fact is that this is going to shake the trust of everyone here. It sure as shit rocked my faith in you, who knows what the others will think when they hear about this. Doesn’t make sense to keep someone around that’s capable of going behind our backs like this.”

A boulder settled in your stomach then. Ghost’s voice had dropped severely low, his angry snarling dying down to a quiet threat. His eyes were narrowed and staring at you with a deadly precision, betraying the scene that surely played in his head - the one where he strangled you for making such an idiot out of him.

“Ghost, please,” you whimpered, closing your eyes. “I didn’t want things to be this way. I had every intention of staying away, but it’s just…Well…I couldn’t give up on König, I care about the team and I love you all like brothers, but that doesn’t mean I could just abandon König and all the feelings I had for him. I just… I just thought that I could have both.”

You felt like an idiot saying it out loud.

In that moment a haunting realisation overtook you, the minute you opened your eyes and saw Ghost’s almost hollow mask sockets staring back at you through the gloom, you knew something. You’d made your choice all those months ago. You’d chosen König. That’s how everyone would see it anyway, they’d never understand how much you wished you could be a part of both worlds.

You knew Ghost could see exactly what you were thinking. He snorted as all the features in your face drooped, backing away from you. You sniffed and pushed yourself off the wall, barely keeping yourself from stumbling as you chased after him.

“Ghost, wait!”

He chuckled, his throat emitting a dark and choppy sound, one you hadn’t heard before. You shivered and tried to catch up with him, boots slapping hard and fast against the floor as you attempted to match his furious pace.

“Ghost, please, you can’t tell Price yet!”

“And why’s that, Sneak? You want a little accomplice in this, hm? You want someone else to go against Price just to make you feel better? The 141 isn’t a fuckin’ joke, even if you want to treat it that way.”

“I’m not asking you to lie!” you cried out, finally skidding to a stop in front of Ghost. “I’m asking you to wait.”

“Why would I do that?” he scoffed.

“Because we have a job to do,” you said, steeling yourself as much as you could even while tears still ran hot as acid down your cheeks and over your jaw.

“Oh, so now you care about doing your job, huh?”

“I care about you all, I care about the team, I care about this job more than anyone could ever know. Even though I fucked up…even though what I’ve done says otherwise, I do care. That’s why I’m asking you just to hold onto this until the job’s finished. I know exactly how this will go down Ghost, I know everyone will say the same as you have. Do you think this is what the team needs right before going away?”

You sighed and rubbed a palm over your sweating forehead, running your fingers over the wet strands of your hair. You’d been caught dead centre in your web of lies, the least you could do is untangle it with a sense of grace. Let your ruin come at the end of your last mission, let Price handle it all with a clear head, it was the least you could do. You had to make him see that.

“You can’t afford to lose anyone before you go after, Rousseau,” you continued, “Not the night before we leave. Just let me help you with this and then I’ll go to Price myself after all this is through. Just let me try to make things right and then…and then if- if Price wants to kick me out he can. I accept that…just let me help.”

Ghost halted in his tracks and balled his fists, kinetic energy fizzling away as he seemed to consider swinging them. You winced already, scrunching your eyes as you prepared for him to send you flying, but the hit never came. He opted for rolling his shoulders back instead and he paused on your words. For a moment, you worried he might reconsider and give you that well deserved blow, you weren’t completely relaxing yet. Tension sizzled through you both like a bomb fuse.

Deep down though, you knew he wouldn’t follow through on any of the dark thoughts swirling in his mind. Simmering in the burn of his gaze was a man that was deeply hurt. Even though you were probably one of the lowest life forms in his eyes at that moment, you were still family and he would never punish you like that. Even if he would willingly watch you go into exile.

“You’re telling me you feel fit to operate right now?” he asked, his words coming out with careful measure.

“There’s no other choice. I have to be,” you said with a bitter laugh, feeling like if you continued anymore, you might go hysterical. “All I know is that if we bring this to Price now, it puts the whole mission at risk and becomes a distraction. I accept that I fucked up, and that you probably can barely stand the sight of me, I do. For the sake of a mission though…don’t you think that we should get through this and let the team deal with it after? The last thing anyone needs is this. Please Ghost, you know I’m right. Even if this is the mission I go down on, at least let me do it without putting the others at risk because of what I’ve done.”

Ghost grunted and looked away from you, letting his body sag as he weighed your words. You’d gotten through to him, you’d delayed the inevitable. You knew it. You just needed him to say it.

You wished that he’d just tell you he’d let it go completely. For a hopeful second you wondered if maybe some time would stop him wanting to let Price know at all. Though that was never going to happen - if not for the fact that he was hurt from being lied to, then it would be the complete destruction of his faith in you.

Why couldn’t you have just listened to Ghost from the start? Why had you hurt him like this?

It was all getting too much to carry. Your heart thumped slowly and filled with lead and oil, thickening the blood in your veins like tar. Your whole body felt wrong, your lungs were gasping just to get by. Your head was spinning as it tried to process all that had happened, rattling with the drum beat of your pulse. It took every ounce of energy you had left just to stay upright, feeling like you might start swaying as you lingered in Ghost's heavy shadow.

“Alright,” he said eventually, voice gruff and distant. “Fine.”

You swallowed thickly and risked eye contact with him. That only served to reignite his anger though, the shadows in the hallway seemingly shivering around him as he loomed over you again.

“I won’t tell Price yet, but I’m warning you - you wait a single moment to tell him when we get back from this, then I’ll find that dopey Austrian cunt, and I’ll string him up and make you watch as what little light he has in him leaves his miserable fucking corpse. Do I make myself clear?”

You froze before nodding stiffly, body jerking as he shoved past you.

“Clear,” you whispered, talking to no one as you were left alone in the empty grey corridor.

-☠️-

You confined yourself to the darkness that night. You were alone in your room, curling your hands around your knees in bed with the lights off, heavily breathing like some kind of demented horror movie creature. The Only thing that haunted you though was your mind.

There was no getting away from it, no sharing the load with anyone else, who was there to tell? It was just you and your horrible thoughts, locked up tight together with no respite from any voices of reason. It wasn’t like you could tell the others.

König had tried to message you, but you couldn’t face him. You just messaged something quick back, reading only a couple lines of what he’d sent you first. You couldn’t talk to him either. There was no way he could know about what Ghost knew or otherwise you’d be kicking off the fight of the century.

Even with the complete lack of light in that tiny space, you still continued to see the bright whites of Ghost’s mask in front of your face. His hard blue eyes were burning holes into you like the pits of hell. It had your heart racing. Your skin felt too hot, your lungs burned with effort, feeling like they would burst with your heart ramming into them. Nothing could calm you down.

Knock.

You froze in your place, back stiffening somehow even further against the corner you’d shoved yourself into. You weren’t expecting company. Part of your mind wondered if Ghost had given in and told Price. Though as you thought on it for a few more seconds you knew in your heart of hearts that the moment, if Price knew about your relationship he sure as fuck wouldn’t come quietly knocking on your door. The sound was too soft, like someone that was trying to be discreet.

Only one person that could be - surely.

You padded over to the door and took a breath, holding the cold handle in your palm for a moment and letting it recenter you. If it was who you suspected it was, you couldn’t let him know that you’d been found out. He couldn’t get mad at Ghost and give you away. He couldn’t have the stress of your relationship reveal running through his mind while you were in an active warzone. If something were to happen to König because of your stupidity, then Price finding out about you both would be the least of your worries.

Why had you chosen the path that had put everyone you love into such a horrible position? Why had you lied so much to them all?

You swallowed the lump in your throat and closed your eyes for a second, only just opening the door as a tall figure had begun to retreat in the darkness. You watched as the giant stopped in his tracks and then you smiled softly when he walked back to you. The red tears of his mask were the first things to reveal themselves as he stepped into the flickering light that buzzed by your door.

“Did I wake you?” König asked, honey thick voice coming in at a low whisper.

“No,” you sighed, gesturing for him to come in, “couldn’t sleep. How come you’re here? You haven’t messaged.”

“I couldn’t sleep either. I wanted to see you before we left - see you alone,” he answered, stepping into your doorway. “And i did message, you messaged me back - remember? You were a little blunt with me, so I got worried.”

Oh.

You shut the door behind him and watched as he walked confidently past you and over to the lamp by your bed. He’d only been in your room a couple of times, despite your insistence he shouldn't risk showing up. Though even those stolen moments were enough for him to remember the layout as if the room were his own.

He flicked the switch on your lamp that sat on your bedside table and looked back up at you then. He was bathed in warm yellow light like an angel that had been sent to soothe your troubled head. Even his eyes seemed to melt through the edge that had settled over you.

“You don’t look very good, darling,” he noted, frowning over at you. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

He tilted his head at you and with that, seemed to remember he was still wearing his mask. His eyes had grown wide like pale blue whirlpools. With fumbling hands, König tugged the fabric over his head and got himself out of the draped material, his tired face was revealed. His hair blew around before it settled into a messy nest on top of his head and his dark eyes refocused on you once he’d been freed from the hood. They were baggy with exhaustion.

You knew that feeling well. Not that you could tell him the real reason why.

“Hm?” he hummed, walking towards you now. “What’s got you so upset?”

You shook your head and tried to smile at him, accepting the hug that he wrapped you into with a sigh of relief. You didn’t have a good answer for him. Instead you pressed your head into his chest and inhaled his scent, taking in hints of gunfire and metal that his mask had left behind and, of course, the faint notes of your berry tea - betraying his thievery.

“Have you been stealing my tea again, mister?” you asked, trying to distract him.

“Me? Stealing from you? Never,” he chuckled, the sound reverberating through his body and soaking through to yours.

“More like all the time!” you grinned, finally chancing a look up at him again.

“Well really, you only have yourself to blame,” he said, stroking his thumb across your chin. “You should never have got me hooked on it if you didn’t want me to indulge myself every once in a while.”

“Mmm…Is that so?”

“Yeah, that’s so.”’

You shook your head at him and tapped him on the arm, prompting him to release you. He let you go, but followed immediately behind you when you went to sit on the bed. He took little time in swiftly drawing you back into his hold once again, nestling you both into the wrinkled sheets on your sad little bed, adjusting himself into your extra cushions.

His presence might have been making you feel uneasy, the pressure to not tell him anything growing with each passing second. However it was undeniable that the weight around your body was helping you, scattering your worries the tighter he held you.

“Are you going to tell me?” König pressed.

“Tell you what?”

“You know what,” he said dryly.

You huffed out a sigh. He wasn’t going to let it go though, he repositioned you then and made you face him, keeping you pinned and lying on your side.

“I know that the reason you smell of berries is because you don’t lift your mask all the way when you drink my tea. Then it gets damp and rubs off onto your shirt,” you said softly, smiling to yourself as you thought of him guiltily sneaking cups of it.

He looked down at you pointedly and rolled his eyes. Ok, so he wasn’t going to let it go then. You stared back at him for a moment before you lay back against his chest and proceeded to close your eyes, reaching out into the beyond to try and think of something to say. Anything other than the truth behind your insomnia.

“I’m worried about this op,” you whispered quietly. “And what comes after.”

“What? Why?” he asked, wrapping his arm around you tighter. “Why on earth would you be worried?”

“There’s a lot riding on it. It’ll be dangerous too, more than any of the other missions we’ve been on,” you shrugged. “Then there’s the unknowns that’ll come after it as well.”

“You know what will come after it,” König said, a smile weaving itself into his voice. “We will go to Austria together and I will take you on many adventures and buy you lots of good food, real food.”

You laughed a little at what he said and relaxed against him. You could feel the steady rhythm of his heart thudding away behind your head, working away, strong as ever. Maybe the world wasn’t going to completely end, you thought distantly to yourself, maybe even if you didn’t have the 141 you could still make the best of things. Hell, maybe you could move to Austria.

In choosing König, you weren’t going to be alone after you were kicked out. You would still have him. It didn’t lift the burden that was sinking your heart any, but it sought to bring some light back into your mind. The thought of mountain trails and mornings waking up to his gentle kisses and calloused hands trailing their way down your back weren’t so bad, maybe there was something even a little enticing about those thoughts...

Your life would be in tatters, sure, but it would still be worth living. There would still be some happiness, even if you were down the love of four family members… Even if you never got to speak to them again.

“I am looking forward to our trip, that’s for sure,” you replied measuredly. “I just…I mean- I guess I don’t know what things will be like after all this is over. We’ve been working together through this mission through our whole relationship and now that it’s coming to an end… I dunno - I guess I’m just intimidated by all the unknowns.”

You felt ok saying that. It wasn’t completely false. In reality you were far more worried about the situations you knew you’d face rather than the ones that were unknown, but ultimately Price being told about your relationship was still a mystery in terms of punishment.

You had no idea what he might decide to do with you once he’d found out about your betrayal. For all you were aware he could’ve been planning to send you off to one of the worst deployments that you’d ever known in your life. What then?

“You always worry so much” König sighed, tracing his hand up your body so that he could stroke the side of your face. “Know that whatever we both do next…no matter what…you will have all of my heart, and I will do anything to make sure that you get to hold it in your arms whenever possible…because I love you.”

You froze in place, eyes going wide as you processed what he said. He had spoken the unspoken, he had finally put into words the feelings that you knew were there, but both of you had been too guarded to let slip. He was telling you that he loved you, giving you a gift while you lied straight to his face.

“I love you and I will do anything to make this work. I’d dig a hole through to the otherside of the world just to be with you, there’s nowhere you can be sent to that I won’t find a way to reach you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss into your cheek.

You let a little breath of silence hang in the air for a moment and bit your lip, feeling a tear track its way down your face while you battled with your throat to stay silent. You couldn’t let him know what you were actually upset about.

You loved him too after all.

And for that reason you couldn't reveal the truth that Ghost had uncovered, it would send him spiralling. Would compromise him and mission. You could put him in danger, more so than you had already by involving Ghost - and soon Price’s - wrath.

“I love you too, König…” you murmured. “I love you so much.”

He let out a breath at your admission, you felt it whistling past your neck. You shivered, and tried not to think too hard on what would happen when he found out you’d withheld the truth from him that night.

“I love you so much, in fact, that I’m looking past the fact that you chose the night before a huge operation to tell me that,” you said with a laugh, trying to distract yourself from the demon’s in your head.

He laughed too. You both relaxed into the vibrations of each other's bodies and then lay quietly for a moment, staring up at the old scuffed ceiling above.

Though you couldn’t linger there for long. You pushed your way out of his almost iron grip and rolled around, propping your head up so that you could see his face. You were surprised to see the look of consternation that greeted you. It was like looking into a mirror. His eyes were half lidded as he looked down and his lips were pursed, the pink line of his scar stretching taught as he thought deeply on something.

“Well, seeing as you love me too… Would you offer me some assurance?”

You reached over to him and cupped his jaw in your hands, adjusting his face so that he’d meet your gaze. You searched his eyes for a moment and suddenly something clicked in the place as you were finally broken out of your wallowing.

“Assurance for whatever it was that you couldn’t sleep over?” you guessed.

He nodded, the scratch of his stubble sharply rubbing against your palm. You smoothed your thumb over his cheek and he leaned into your touch, somehow looking younger and smaller than he usually did.

“Things will be intense tomorrow…I will be breaching rooms with countless unknown men that will be shooting at us, and I’ll be having to make quick decisions - act on instinct. Whatever you see tomorrow, know that I love you and that I wish you didn’t have to witness any of it. In another life, I’d spare you from ever having to even know about it. I just need to know, that after we come back, no matter what you see, that you won’t run from me. As much as I’ve tried to protect myself, I know that that’s all over now. I know now there’s no way to save myself from the hurt, the same way I couldn’t protect myself from anyone else I’ve ever loved in my life. I just want to know that you’ll give me a chance to explain myself if you see something that you don’t like again… that you won’t leave me.”

Oh König…

You felt the remainder of your tears threaten to spill over and flood your sheets, but you held them back and closed your eyes instead, thinking for a moment. You hadn’t reacted well the last time you’d heard him at work. How would you react if you were to see him in action now?

You shuddered at the thought, but let it pass quickly. At the end of the day, you were all going there to reap an unspeakable violence to a group of people that had committed atrocities in return. There were no pure intentions and there were no good players between any of you. There was only putting an end to a group that threatened to kill innocents. If König was going to be at the head of the speartip, then he had to be damn sharp. You couldn’t have him ineffective with worry over what you might think.

Couldn’t put him at risk.

“König, I promise that whatever I see…whatever I think or feel in the moment…I won’t shut you out. We can talk about it all when we get home again. But whatever you do, don’t put yourself in harm's way trying to protect my feelings. We’ll make it through this together, no matter what, ok?”

He smiled at you, a twinkle returning to his sapphire irises. He turned and kissed your hand, you still held his head, and you both closed your eyes for a moment, revelling in the private moment between yourselves.

“Ok,” he finally replied. “I feel like I can sleep now. Why don’t you try to get some rest as well? See if you can shut off that busy mind of yours.”

You both settled into a silence after that, letting yourselves relax into the calm. At some point you turned back around and a little while later, König switched off your lamp. In the back of your mind you worried that you’d be discovered come morning time, but König assuaged your fears before you could air them and whispered to you, tickling your ear as he told you that he’d set an early alarm.

“I love you, König,” you whispered, your half smile lost to the night.

It felt like something to giggle over, like a secret between school children. You could barely contain your smile.

“I love you too,” König replied, pressing a kiss to your temple, “I’ll love you always.”

-☠️-

König had stayed true to his word and had left while the sky remained dark, shutting off his near silent alarm on the second ring and scurrying out quietly before anyone would be any the wiser. Anyone that didn’t already know anything anyway.

It felt like Ghost had almost sold you out the moment that you’d stepped foot onto the transport. The sound of your boots nervously clanging against the metal ramp drew his attention, and all at once his conversation with the Captain ceased and he fixed his eyes on you with a glare.

It was enough to freeze you into place, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him until he released his mental hold over you. You Clutched furiously onto the handle of your backpack, hoping like hell that it wouldn’t shake too badly.

For a few painful seconds you were stuck still, though just as you thought that Ghost might say something after all, he turned away again and blanked you completely. Price gave him a frown and said something low under his breath, but whatever it was Ghost shook his head and carried on with what they were discussing before.

It was like some kind of twisted game of red light/green light. If that’s the way he’s going to play things this’ll be a hell of a way to go out, you thought to yourself. That is if you even made it out of the mission.

You were supposed to be on Ghost’s team, and at that point you weren’t completely convinced that he would bother too much to look out for you anymore. No, now it was just you and Horangi, and as much as König seemed to get on with him, you and he had never exchanged more than a couple of words to each other.

Would Soap and Gaz offer swapsies?

You shook your head at the thought of Gaz ever going off plan, especially one that Price had approved. No, instead of hoping for better, you faced reality and took a seat far away from Ghost, throwing your stuff down for what felt like the last time. You sank down on your cracking knees, settling next to your bulging bag and holding it like a plush toy. The squishy material was solid under your grasp and made a great pillow for you to rest your head on. It was enough to lull you into a sense of security, enough to make you close your eyes.

“Sneak!”

Your head shot up and you lost your breath, staring wide eyed into the direction that you’d heard the voice come from. Was it Ghost? Was he going to reveal everything just to spite you now that you were getting comfortable?

No. Soap looked down at you instead, shooting you a grin as he saw how much you’d shit yourself at his shout. Stupid bastard. You hit out at his leg and huffed when he sat down next to you, feeling like his loud obnoxious voice in your ear was just about the last thing you needed.

And just to sour your mood more, just to make matters all the better, he shoved your shoulder and almost sent you keeling over and tumbling over to Ghost and Price. As if Ghost needed another reason to want to get back at you.

You threw your hands out and pushed yourself up, attempting to shove him almost twice as hard back. He’d dodged at the last second and had you wheeling forward this time, though at the very least you had your bag to fall onto instead of Ghost this time.

“What the fuck are you being so childish for?” you grumbled, recovering and rubbing the sore spot where he’d shoved you.

“Ooft, someone’s grumpy, eh?” Soap tittered, smile never leaving his face. “Did you not get much rest last night?”

You grunted and folded your arms, staring straight ahead like you might melt the plane’s walls.

“The fuck does it matter to you?”

“I’ll take that as a yes then - as usual.”

Soap raised his brows, challenging you to defend yourself. Normally you’d probably shove him again or throw a verbal barb at him, but that day you were in no mood to play. Especially not when the truth was going to come out sooner rather than later, and you weren’t convinced you were going to be on joking terms anymore.

No, it wouldn’t be long until he knew about you and König, and your mind was already filled with the sight of his angry frown setting itself upon you. It was better that you didn’t make it all worse by pretending everything was fine, you reasoned, so that being the case you ignored him and planted your head back down on your bag.

“Crabbit little twat,” Soap snorted. “Better find your sense of humour before you wake up again. And if you’re gonna be in a mood with me, then you can forget sleepin’ and drooling all over me too!”

You grunted in response, and gave him nothing else. You were too sick with worry to respond properly, even despite the ache that developed as you realised that that might be one of your last ‘friendly’ interactions with him. The weight in your heart increased tenfold, feeling as if it were a sand timer growing heavier by the minute. Better not to think about it. Better to shut it all out, to shut down.

Unsurprisingly your mood wasn’t lifted by the sleep you caught up on. It only served to keep you from agonising about your situation until the plane slammed down onto the dodgy countryside landing strip. That shocked you back to life again. From then on, until you reached the safe house, your mood remained sour and kept the others from bothering you much.

When you got there, of course, you had to buck up and try to act normal. You couldn’t have the others picking anything up, couldn’t let them think you were anything else except tired and grumpy. It wasn’t that far outside the realm of normal, you never slept very well whenever you had to travel away anyway.

When it came time to go over the briefing, you quietly set yourself as far away from Ghost as you could muster and stood around the projector wall, listening to Price’s briefing intently while you locked your arms into a folded position. The light splashed across his face in brief interludes, his weight was shifting from foot to foot as he walked you all through the plan in his booming voice, he was restless. He was right to be.

Price knew that the intelligence that had been gathered was of questionable accuracy - he told you all as much and Laswell confirmed it. She didn’t look that much more confident that him. The men who’d spilled their guts to the interrogators had varying degrees of incentive to reveal the true nature and layout of their base and all of you knew that they were highly fantastical to boot. It didn’t matter how many exercises you’d run through, none of you could’ve really known what was in store for when you raided the warehouse.

You’d looked round the room as he’d talked about that, scoping out the faces of all the men that you were going to fight alongside. Your eyes slowly ran over the 141, König, Horangi, and all those of the other team that Price had assembled to lock down the perimeter. There were hard eyes all around, everyone stayed quiet, listening to the captain until his very last word. Even Laswell had limited interjections, she was just as stone faced as everyone else, letting Price take the lead.

“I want all of you to be at the top of your game. On a mission like this there is zero and I really do mean zero margin for error! You make a mistake on Rousseau’s home turf and you will get yourself or one of your teammates killed. All of you must communicate, I want clear positions and status updates on comms. You will tell me where you are in the warehouse and you will let me know who you come across, is that clear?”

You all responded, an impassioned “yes, sir!” rang throughout the room, ricocheting off of the walls and back into the crowd like a bullet.

“Good,” Price said curtly. “Now, enough talking,we move out in thirty minutes. And remember - Zero margin for error! Clear communication! Don’t get yourselves killed.”

“Yes, sir!”

You all sounded off for the last time and set to work scurrying around, gathering gear and preparing the trucks for departure. You’d be driving out until you reached the edge of the forest and from then on you would be trekking out to the compound, a group of old warehouses that had belonged to a logging company before it had gone out of business years before. You were in for a hard day.

Though as Ghost reminded you, when he icily stared at you from the otherside of the room, the hardship wasn’t going to end at capturing Rousseau. Your problems were only going to multiply from that day on.

You were the first to break eye contact that time, nervously shifting away and grabbing your gear, double checking your ammo and your pockets. You stroked your hands up through the curves and rough textures of your armour and bags and went through your mental checklist, trying to fill your mind with something other than all the swirling thoughts that threatened to compromise you.

“All good, Sneak?”

You snapped your head to your left side, meeting Gaz’s tilted stare.

“All good, Sergeant,” you answered, repacking a few of your rounds.

“Sergeant?” he chuckled.

“Did your rank change while I was asleep?”

“No, but you seemed to,” he shrugged.

“I’m stressed, there’s a lot at stake here,” you said, swallowing down another of your silly lies. “But all that matters is that I’m here right?”

Gaz shook his head as you reminded him of the words he’d said to you months before. Ever since he’d lectured you about letting König distract you, you liked to tease him and call him mini Price, reciting his words back to him without fail. I wanna go out there knowing you’re here with us and not turning yourself into a walking target. You’d do your best Price impression whenever you recounted them.

You didn’t bother this time - not while Price was in the room with you. Gaz rolled his eyes and patted your back, almost turning away to sort his own things before a smile lit his face.

“Well with a good attitude like that I might just keep you around when I get promoted to Captain,” he laughed, walking away before he could see the smile dropping off your face.

Gaz might’ve wanted to keep you around - but would Price?

-☠️-

It was unsurprising, to say the least, that you were going to discover John Rousseau’s last stand wasn’t going to be easy. No. He was intent on going out with a bang.

It had been a difficult breach, you’d lost a couple of the men that Price had sent to crack the warehouse open with you. They’d fallen in the fatal funnel that had been created when the enemy worked out your entry point. Despite the high levels of bloodshed though, König remained mostly unharmed.

You’d tried not to let yourself get distracted by him, but even still, had found your eyes magnetised to him at times, had seen him shooting quickly and forcing enemies close when he needed to, basically folding people in half in an effort to break them. Some of the sounds their bones made still echoed in your ears.

Everything had moved so fast. Your mind had very little bandwidth to process it all. One moment you were on the first floor, desperately trying to locate the stairs and get to Rousseau’s ‘war room’, the next you were deep into the building, continuing to blast through doors with Soap at the head while you, Ghost and Horangi secured the rear.

Gunshots echoed out throughout the hallways, lights flickered and sparked and rained down electrical orange confetti as they were shot from the ceiling and swung out like some kind of deadly assault course. The floor in front of you flashed white and gold and soon you were drowned in darkness. All the lights in the room crashed down into their final resting places.

Ghost was in the room across from you, Horangi was with him too. You’d decided to separate when you’d seen a lone man run into the little office, you were convinced you’d seen someone hauling a massive gun across his back. It was hard to be sure what it was, maybe some type of PKM, but whatever it could have been would do a lot of damage, you knew that much. Though now, as you were left alone in the shadows, it had felt like your mind had played tricks on you.

Your breathing was shallow, and no matter how thick your earbuds were, your ears were still ringing from all the abuse they’d had to endure. It felt like you’d been crammed under an old church bell and someone was hitting it on all sides. There was a lightning storm in your head and a heatwave through your whole body.

Part of you was almost begging to be in the debrief with Price already.

You flicked your night vision down and scoped the room, tracing through the green fog for any signs of enemies. There was nothing obvious. The pulse of your speeding heart thumped away steadily in your ears while the room remained deathly still. Where the fuck are you?

Something flashed out of the corners of your eyes and before you could even turn to see it, you were being overwhelmingly set upon. You stepped backward and leveraged your weight, getting yourself in a good position to strike your assailant and baulked when he stopped you in your tracks and smashed you against the wall.

Ouch.

The air shot out of your lungs, your goggles had skewed over your eyes, but after a few seconds of shock you were thankfully able to dodge the figure from hitting you and shoved them off to your side. With tears in your eyes, and knees screaming out, you got yourself up.

It was fight or die. You picked up your gun, scraping the heavy weapon against the floor, and unloaded it into your attacker, just as he tried to rush you again.

His body collapsed to the floor in a spray of mist and you watched motionlessly as he fell forward and into a lifeless heap at your feet. The gun was like a lead brick in your arms, but still you held it aloft, waiting for anyone else that might try to get the drop on you.

Why’s it so quiet?

“Sneak, what the fuck was that?” Ghost called out. “And where the fuck did you run off to?”

You could hear him distantly through in the other room, but his voice was also straining loud and clear over the busy comms, you knew your reply would be too. All of you had been running around for a lot longer than you would’ve liked. Then again, it was a blessing that you were still up and kicking if anything. There had been so many surprise attacks launched on you, you were lucky to only sport a few bruises for your troubles.

“In the room across from you LT. Took down an enemy, heading back to you now.”

You took one last look around the ruins of the office, and once satisfied there were no more hidden assailants, you walked toward the doorway. After plastering yourself to the wall, you took a look up and down the hall, pivoting out a little just to be sure no one was going to take a lucky shot. All clear. Well, one end of the hallway anyway, the other was completely blocked off by a stack of fallen units and desks.

Probably not a good sign.

Were they directing you?

You crossed the threshold fully and bolted into the next room, locking eyes with Ghost as he perched his foot on a fallen desk chair, it was rattling from his weight. Horangi gave you a nod from Ghost’s side and glanced over to the head of the room, keeping watch over Soap as he set up his charges with no small amount of grumbling. That wasn’t a good sign either.

Your body was getting tired, your back was aching from all the weight you’d been hauling round. The only thing getting lighter was your ammo. You were praying that you were close to the end, hoping that wherever this supposed room was that Rousseau had locked himself into, it was going to reveal itself soon. You didn’t know how much more you could take.

“Stay on that door Sneak, make sure no one else goes looking for hiding spots” Ghost directed. “What’s taking so long, Soap?”

You turned and followed Ghost’s order, side eyeing König as he stood over your struggling teammates, dwarfing Gaz and Soap under his watchful stance. He was breathing heavily, you could see the dramatic rise and fall of his hood giving away his fatigue. Other than that though, you were relieved to see that he was still unhurt.

Focus!

You snapped your attention to the hallway again and ignored your boyfriend, pulling your thoughts away from him completely. It had been a long time since you’d been on a mission with König and you were unused to the amount of space he took up. He was clouding your thoughts, sending your brain churning out worry like a spitting volcano as he kept charging through doorways and getting up close and personal with men as if he were indestructible.

You shook your head and cast your eyes through the shadows, watching out for movement. You couldn’t linger over König any longer.

Soon you realised that there wasn’t any noise. It wasn’t right. Things never went the way you’d trained for almost one hundred percent of the time, but it was strange that there hadn’t been more men around. You’d encountered most of the men on the way in and now that you were further into the heart of the building they were sprouting up in numbers few and far between. That combined with the fact the building felt strategically blocked off in areas was all just one big red flag, waving and buffeting like a sail in the breeze.

“LT, there’s explosives already set here,” Soap shouted. “I couldn’t be sure before…but they've hidden them in the door casing. Powerful stuff by the looks of it too. If we try to get through this we could end up blasting ourselves to the moon by the looks of it.”

You whipped your head around and back to the group at the door, watching as they all stepped back. All at once everyone's heads snapped to Ghost and he frowned deeply enough that it could be seen through his eyeblack.

“Price, did you get that?” Ghost asked, speaking clearly for the comms.

“Copy,” Price said, his voice crackling through all of your headsets. “Can you find an alternative route ahead?”

“Not on this floor,” Ghost responded. “This is the only way up.”

“Fuck!”

You winced at Price’s outburst and bit your lip. Should you speak?

Fuck it.

“There haven’t been a lot of men compared to what we expected either,” you noted. “Anyone else get the feeling we’ve been set up?”

Everyone else seemed to have the same thought, Gaz nodded your way, König looked like he wanted to scratch his way out of the walls and take you with him, Ghost narrowed his eyes. Was he annoyed you’d stated the obvious? You frowned over at him, but he moved shortly after that, sidling up to the window and taking a cautious peak outside. His back visibly stiffened as he caught a glimpse of something.

“Price, there’s a truck heading out the gates to the south side. Do you see it?”

“We’re tracking it now. Ghost, take both of the teams out of the warehouse, whatever’s going on, I don’t like it. Meet us back at the extraction point, copy?”

“Copy, Captain.”

Ghost motioned his head in the direction of the doorway you were still guarding and while the others filed toward you, you stayed in place. You had to ensure no one would surprise them while they stepped out of the room. Ghost passed you and patted your shoulder, his touch like a lightning shock to your system.

As much of a professional as he was, you hadn't expected him to be at a point where he was making an effort to praise you. A warmth spread over your chest then.

Nevertheless, you couldn’t let yourself get too carried away. You put it to the back of your mind and followed up the rear of your group, looking around as you passed through the hallways of fallen men. Bodies littered the floors and by then most of the hallways were dark and devoid of any lighting. The green haze of your night vision goggles continued to wave unsettlingly and the crunch of debris was ever present under your boots.

“We need to move slowly and quietly,” Ghost directed, heading toward the front of your group. “If the bastards have set up bombs there’s no telling what way they were trying to direct us and what happens if another one of them catches us alive. Any one of them could have a detonator, and we know from previous encounters they’re not shy about martyring themselves for the cause.”

Your heart rate picked up, but still you kept marching ahead. The group moved forward like a little troupe of ants, following your masked leader to what you hoped was safety. Each skittering stray piece of furniture under your feet had you jumping, every breath you took was like a gust of wind. Even with your ears ringing it felt like every bit of muffled noise was coming through like the beginnings of a dance anthem.

Knowing that someone with the power to blow the whole building on you might jump out at any second wasn’t great for your weakening composure. That wouldn’t stop you though. Your group powered on down the halls until you reached the lower stairway, and each of you took every step with care, pointing your weapons in different directions just to be sure that every angle was covered.

With your gun pointed down, you were able to see that there was activity on the bottom floor, you could see people moving down below. You tapped Soap on the shoulder and pointed them out, allowing him to pass on the message until it carried on through the line and down to Ghost. All of you stopped moving then and watched the little group, stuck in silence while they propped open a piece of wood that had been covering a doorway in the stairs.

Ghost extended his arm and gave you all a series of clear hand signals, watching down the line to make sure you all read him clearly. Stay silent. Stay on me. We’re following them.

There was more pressure than ever to make sure that your steps were soundless. Your heartbeat was in your ears and your body was buzzing with how tightly your muscles were wound. Every step took you closer to the bottom and to the hatch, every successful movement gave you hope that you wouldn’t be found out.

When your group reached the bottom, you were able to see that the men had replaced the sheet of wood and old construction PVC to try and hide the secret exit. Clearly that hadn’t been meant for your eyes. Perhaps it was lucky that you’d come to the stairway at the right time - it was hard to say, maybe they’d meant for exactly that to happen.

Ghost looked to König and together, without having to communicate, they shifted the board and König took position at the front. As always, he was first to breach.

All of you crept into the blown out entryway and were surprised to find a tunnel at your feet, complete with a very haphazard ladder built down into it. Aside from that, the little room you were in was empty. König replaced the piece of wood over the door once everyone was inside and soon you were surrounded in complete shadow, staring around at the others through the green hues.

“Price, we’ve found a tunnel under the stairway of the building. What do you want us to do?” Ghost enquired, keeping an eye on the tunnel to make sure no one down below indicated that they’d heard him.

The comms were quiet, nothing but the ghostly whisper of static crumbling away at your ears. All of you eyed each other, stares hard enough to the cut the air between you all. The little room was getting hot with all of your bodies filling it, each breath getting harder to take.

“Price, come in,” Ghost demanded. “Laswell? Anyone?”

Nothing.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Soap breathed.

You pursed your lips and kept your stare fixed on Ghost. His eyes were jumping between you all like he was deciding on his lunchtime football team. He took a moment to think, trying to bring clarity into the stuffy room, he was probably waiting for Price to come back in too, but nevertheless the line remained dead.

“Right. Here’s what we’re gonna do. More than likely this entire building is rigged to blow, we need to get out, but more than likely this tunnel is a sign that Rousseau must be here. He would never have left all his men behind, he likes to make a show of being on base and ‘protecting’ and taking control of his men. König, you’re gonna lead Horangi and Gaz through the back entrance at the loading bay and head to the extraction point, find out why command isn’t talking to us. I’m taking Sneak and Soap with me and we’re gonna see what’s down there, see if we can’t dig Rousseau out.”

“What?”

All of you turned your heads as König spoke, the sharpness of his voice coming out muffled through his hood.

“Did you not hear me right?” Ghost asked.

“I heard you clearly, Lieutenant,” König sneered. “But I don’t agree with that course of action. You can’t just go wandering around tunnels with only two people with you, that’s suicide. Price gave his orders before the line went down, he was very clear, therefore we should all be going to the extraction point.”

“This isn’t the time to disagree with me, König.”

“It is if you’re going to get yourself and two of your subordinates killed,” König said, clearly gritting his teeth. “Not to mention you’re abandoning us with god knows how many men waiting outside to stop us from leaving.”

“Nice of you to care about what happens to us,” Ghost remarked, “Then again there’s probably only one person you’re trying to protect here, isn’t there?”

Your stomach dropped to your feet. It was like a small fire had broken out in the room and now you had the urge to go beating down the secret entrance and throwing caution to the wind. Was this really going to happen?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” König asked.

“You know what it means. Now would you like to press the issue or would you like to get back to your job and do what you’re being paid to do, you fucking goon.”

König seemed to shoot you a sideways glance, you couldn’t really tell with his visor down, but before you could think to warn him otherwise he decided that it was indeed time to press the issue. Every fibre of your being wanted to throttle him then. If your choice was crawling into a death tunnel or ending up in an argument between Ghost and König during an operation, then tunnel of death it is!

“Paid personnel or not, at least I’m trying to get us all out safely,” König retorted.

“All? Trying to make sure we all get out, or just trying to make sure you’ve got a warm hole to crawl back to at the end of this? Which is it really?”

There was an almost tangible silence in the room. It was as if there was a thick bubble coating you all, preventing a single whisper of noise from escaping. You couldn’t even hear the others breathe, not over König anyway. He was panting like a charging bull, breaking through the bubble, he sounded like he was ready to tear Ghost down into a stump.

“Ghost, what’re you talking about?” Soap said, not able to contain himself. “We shouldn’t be arguing, we should be moving! Let’s just go.”

“You’re not going down into that tunnel, Sergeant!” König warned, making a move to stop Soap.

“Or what?” Ghost asked, rising to his full height and jumping into König’s path.

König stood silently, he didn’t say anything - but he didn't allow Ghost to intimidate him either. He stood perfectly still, besides straightening his back, and eyed his opponent. The two of them looked like windup toys ready to strike.

“Nothing to say?” Ghost sneered. “Then move.”

“Lieutenant, be reasonable,” König said.

“I am being incredibly reasonable, König,” Ghost laughed, a dark chuckle rumbling from his throat. “In fact, judging by the way you’re acting, maybe Sneak can tell you just how reasonable I’m being.”

Everyone’s heads turned to you, navigating the thick silence that followed with ease. Their night vision goggles stared you down as if they were being programmed to move in sync. You swallowed a thick lump in your throat and gripped tightly at your gun, holding onto it like it was the only thing tethering you to reality. What were you supposed to say now?

“What’s going on?” Gaz sighed, clearly at the end of his tether.

“Tell them what’s going on, Sneak,” Ghost ordered. “Tell them exactly why this little song and dance is happening right now. Go on. Let them know why Captain Rags has his face in a twist over you going down into the tunnel. Let’s get it out there for the world to know.”

Every one of his words hit you like a knife in your gut. There were blades sticking out at all angles and it was taking all your strength just to stay up. So this was it? You were truly going out in a blaze, but it was far from glorious.

“Sneak?” König said, his voice strained with confusion.

“König, Ghost found the pictures in your wallet when he knocked your stuff off the rack yesterday,” you said quietly. “He knows we’re together.”

“What the fuck!” Soap whispered.

“Sneak, what do you mean you’re together?” Gaz asked. “You can’t be together, Price will fucking kill you…”

Horangi remained silent.

“Apparently they’re not ones for following orders,” Ghost sneered. “Otherwise we wouldn’t even be having this discussion would we?”

Ghost looked between you both and you growled out at yourself, sinking into disbelief that all of it was really happening. It felt surreal to be standing around arguing in a building that was full of god knows how many explosives. Why was it that König could never just follow orders? Why couldn’t you? The room was so hot it felt like you were all starting to cook, smelt like it too.

“König, just do as Ghost says and take the others,” you commanded. “At this rate we’re all going to get blown up and this whole argument won’t even matter.”

“Sneak-”

“No, König! Just go, we can all talk about it later.”

“That’s if you even make it back later!”

“Don’t think like that. Just take Horangi and Gaz back to extraction and find out why Price hasn’t answered us. Otherwise none of us are getting out of here!”

König continued to stare for a second more, but finally he’d seen sense. He shook his head and furiously muttered something to himself in German before he walked back to the exit. He gave you one last look and with that, slid back the wooden panel and walked out with Horangi in tow, missing only Gaz as he left you all.

With the door open and König gone you felt like you could breathe a little easier again, but as soon as you looked back at the others, the feeling went away. Gaz shook his head at you and walked out, mumbling something that was too low to hear and soon it was only you, Ghost and Soap left.

“Steamin’ Jesus, Sneak. What the fuck were you thinking? Have you really been lying to us all this time?”

You sighed and looked at Soap, watching the way his mouth downturned in disgust. A horrible nauseous feeling permeated in your stomach and in your throat, but you couldn’t pay too much attention to it. You had to keep your head on more important things.

“Clearly I wasn’t thinking,” you sighed. “Look, I’ll answer whatever questions you want after we’re out of this, but we need to get moving.”

“Agreed,” Ghost said, already heading for the tunnel. “We’ve had enough distraction already.”

Ghost cut Soap off from interrupting, shooting him a hard look before he took a flashbang from one of his holsters and primed it. He threw it down the tunnel and waited for a reaction. Nothing. After being met with silence, he quickly flew down into the darkness, leaving you and Soap up top. Soap surely burned a hole through his night vision and into you.

You shivered and followed Ghost, cautiously setting your foot on the ladder, not liking the way it wobbled with Ghost’s weight and yours. There wasn’t much to be done about it though. You had to get down there quickly and make sure he had backup.

You scurried down and stuck one foot behind the other, releasing each of the metal rungs like they were on fire. It didn’t take long until you were at the bottom and eventually Soap followed you both and rather nicely decided against booting you in the head on his way down, dropping to your side instead.

“There’s no one here, but they’ll have heard that, no doubt,” Ghost warned. “Stay close and lets find out what these fuckers are hiding down here.”

You nodded your agreement and followed him down the tunnel, watching the rickety support beams with a cautious eye. König had been right to worry.

What’s he thinking right now? Is he hurt?

Not again, stop thinking about him. Focus!

The tunnel didn’t seem like it had been in operation for very long. Something that had seen more use would surely have been built better, you reasoned, not looking like it could crumble at any second. As you took a few more twists and turns and continued to follow the path it didn’t seem to get much better. The walls looked hastily dug out and like any little disturbance might bury them. Though as you all turned another corner and followed the winding walkway, you were surprised to find yourself in a rather large cavernous room.

It was built solidly and looked far more like a permanent structure, it was supported by thick metal beams from which overhead lights were suspended and hanging down from long wires. It also contained a plethora of scaffolding like shelves, housing a few abandoned looking wooden crates, some of them looked like they’d been raided, others were dusty and dark with disuse. You flipped your goggles up and watched the two men at your sides repeat the action, finally noticing the true extent of all the grime and blood that had covered them both.

“What is this place?” Soap wondered out loud.

“Looks like some kind of storage facility. Well, it was one anyway,” you remarked.

You didn’t miss the way Soap narrowed his eyes at you from the side of his vision. He advanced forward through the looming racks while you stayed behind and watched the other men go. You had to give yourself a second for the bile to stop rising in your stomach. To say that being on an op with two men that had it out for you was making you feel uneasy was an understatement.

However you didn’t have the luxury of lingering on for very long. Once you noticed Ghost heading to the set of shelves that blocked your view of the head of the room, you started to follow after him, ensuring that he’d have some cover. Part of you felt better being around someone that had had longer to digest the news.

Once you’d flown past the racks and over to Ghost you began to realise that there was a thrumming noise emanating from the far side of the room. It rumbled and growled and grew harder on your ears the closer you got and as soon as you made your way round the racking you saw the source of it. A big set of metal doors.

Soap joined you from the otherside, clearly finding the rest of the room just as empty as you had. Ghost looked over to Soap then and back at the door, motioning for him to get close.

“Soap, do you have the borescope?”

“Aye, hold on, I’ll sort it.”

Soap reached into his bag and pulled out the long snake of wire and fetched his drill. From there he made a small opening in the door with quick precision and sent the coiled camera through, taking a look at the monitor as he did so. The monitor quickly flashed on and you and Ghost were able to peer round and see a flurry of men running around a mixture of freight and pickup trucks, loading cargo onto them. There were some that were beginning to drive off, halting just as they made it onto the big ramp then ran up the far side of that room.

How on earth had they managed to hide that?

You frowned as you watched on, realising that the last trucks were beginning to get closed up and prepared for driving off, you could hear the echoes of the doors being slammed shut. The men were shouting louder now, driving each other to go, go, go. You watched Ghost out of the corner of your eye, waiting for him to make a decision. All until the final man walked into the centre of the room, he was surrounded by a group of heavily covered up muscle men toting machine guns like they were little more than big boys with pretend sticks in the playground. The man walked in the centre of them with a confident strut - he looked just like he did in the videos.

“Holy fuck, is that Rousseau?” Soap whispered.

Ghost nodded tightly.

“Brothers! We have done well today, the enemy safehouse has been destroyed and the rest of the soldiers will still be trapped in the warehouse trying to route us out. Let us leave and go to our new base, onwards and upwards my friends!”

The enemy safehouse has been destroyed? Price? Laswell? Were they ok?

You widened your eyes, but you didn’t get much time to think about Price and the others.

Rousseau had sped over to one of the trucks and once inside, had set off a cataclysm. The doors to the ramp opened, bathing the basement in startling sunlight and from there the explosions began, a loud series of bangs that shook the room like a hurricane, each one unsettling the walls and floor as they got closer. It felt like a tiger leaping ever closer, ready to land straight onto your belly and tear you open.

What the fuck!

“We need to get out of here!”Ghost roared. “Head for the trucks, we can try to get into the one at the back.

He kicked at the door and luckily it burst open, allowing you all to run forward and into the next room. Because the room was so long, you were still covered by shadow and no one seemed to notice your group’s appearance. No one was shooting at you anyway.

Your throat burned as you ran, your mind was racing, intent on following Ghost as he stuck to the walls, keeping yourselves hidden in the darkness. He was racing out ahead while you and Soap tied with each other, running neck and neck and panting like hounds as you propelled yourselves ahead of the blasts. The room was really shaking now and while the last truck began to pull away and ascend up the ramp, your eyes teared up.

No, no, no. Not like this!

You pumped your legs a little bit harder and Soap did the same, managing to sprint ahead like you were all in a murmuration, moving fluidly and in sync with one another. With that effort made, you all managed to jump onto the last truck, detaching from the wall at the last minute before attaching yourselves to the back. You all grabbed onto what holds that you could, affixing yourselves to the bolts that kept the doors closed and held on for dear life, watching on with horror as you saw the warehouse burning up in the distance, leaving it in a trail of smoke.

It was then you were finally able to hear the crackle of comms and a blended mixture of broken up accented shouts, German, Korean and English. The others were trying to contact you.

Had they made it out ok?

“Gaz, is that you?” Ghost shouted out, trying to adjust his headset while he gripped onto the bolt. “We’re on Rousseau, we’re out of the warehouse. Did your team make it out?”

If you weren’t busy being terrified for everyone’s lives you would have rolled your eyes.

“LT, is that you?” Gaz called out, his voice finally coming through clearly. “Are you all ok?”

Ghost didn’t get a chance to say anything to that, he was quickly cut off.

“Lieutenant, respond!” König snarled, his voice snapping out like an angry wolf.

“We made it out,” Ghost confirmed. “Did you hear what I said? Where are you? We’re following Rousseau, we’re on one of his trucks. His men must’ve been instructed to set this up for him upon capture. They must’ve had a plan to move when they knew we were coming.”

“We made it out, we started heading for the extraction point, but we got cut off by Rousseau’s forces in the woods. He must’ve left men behind to try and stop us from getting out, we got em’ though. We still haven’t heard any word from Price. What direction are you heading in? Should we follow?”

“We got word that they destroyed the safe house,” Soap said. “Price and Laswell might not’ve made it.”

You finally turned and looked up, blinking back at the rush of air as you changed direction and looked at Soap. He looked like a terrified cat that had got itself stuck up a tree. Both of his hands must’ve been white knuckling the bolt from under his gloves - he was holding onto the same one as you, standing over you while you crouched low and hooked your feet into the groove of the bevelled doors. The extra grip was helping your shaking body.

Why couldn't Ghost have just let you and König pair off? You’d have taken jungle warfare over hanging off the back of a speeding truck anyday. It would have avoided the whole stupid argument back at the tunnel too. In that moment, while you held on for dear life, you realised that there was a lot of things that you’d have wished that could’ve been done differently.

“Don’t follow us,” Ghost said, taking back control of the line, “Try to find out if anyone made it to the extraction. You hear that, König? Make sure that we can make it out of this, don’t do anything stupid!”

“Hard to say what’s stupid when your definition seems so different to mine,” König snarked.

“König, don’t be a smartass! Just try and find Price so we can get Rousseau,” you growled.

Ghost tilted his head at you, clearly surprised that you’d been the one to tell him off for that. As much as you were relieved to know he was ok, and as much as you’d like to comfort him, you knew the mission was much bigger than yourselves. Getting everyone out safely and trying to successfully capture Rousseau was the most important thing and you could only do that if you were apart.

The line remained quiet for a second.

“Ok, we’re heading to the extraction again now,” Gaz confirmed. “We’ll let you know when we reach point.”

“Copy, Sergeant.”

You looked up at Ghost and then at Soap, watching as both men struggled with staying stuck to the truck. This wasn’t going to work long term, you could feel your own arms wanting to give out, it wouldn’t be long till you’d all come tumbling off and crashing onto the dirt road. You had to figure out a way to get to a more secure location.

“Ghost, do you think you can hold on to the truck and try to support my weight at the same time?” You asked.

“Why?” he barked.

“If you hold onto me, I can try and climb up the truck and get myself on top,” you explained.

“And then what about us?” Soap growled. “All very well sorting out a nice place for yourself up there.”

“If I move up there, then you can crouch next to Ghost and open the door on the side we’re standing on,” you said, glaring up at him. “That way we can all hold it so it doesn’t swing out and you two can climb in and shut it.”

This wasn’t the time for accusations. You waited for them both to share their thoughts, and jumped when the truck hit a bump. It almost sent you all flying. Soap yelped and hugged into the bolt tighter and Ghost grunted. You fumbled as your feet were displaced and wobbled, your hands slipping off of the bolt and sending you sprawling backwards.

Ghost reached out and grabbed you in the nick of time, just when you thought you were about to be grated parmesan on the side of the pebbled road. You huffed out a breath and grabbed a hold of the bar, swallowing down your pulse as it tried to climb out of your throat.

“Right, get on with it,” Ghost said, “I can only hold you for so long.”

You shook your head and had to remind yourself of the plan. That close call rocked you.

Without any more interruption, you grabbed onto the bolt on Ghost’s side with both hands and swung your legs up, planting them against the wall while Ghost kept his hand flat against your back. As you got higher up, his support dwindled, but from there you were able to reach around the top and kick your legs against the doors. With one last grunt you were able to get yourself fully on top of the truck, but kept yourself belly down on it, ensuring that you wouldn’t be seen.

“Ok, I’m gonna hold onto the door now. Open it when Soap’s in position.”

The other two fumbled around, getting themselves steady. After a few moments of contoroting themselves around one another they were able to open the door, it was heavy and it took everything in you not to go flying out with it even with Ghost holding it from his position too, but you were able to stop it just enough so that Ghost and Soap could climb in as they both took turns to hold the door alongside you.

Once they’d disappeared inside and snapped the door shut, you realised that there was a small fault in your plan when you were left gripping on for dear life. Not to mention how much colder it was on top with all the wind rushing past your face. Then there was also the bugs…

“Nice work, Sneak,” Ghost congratulated, voice coming in quiet over the line. “I’m gonna get soap to drill a hole in the ceiling. Have you got your knife with you?”

“Yeah, why?” you asked, frowning as you slowly worked out where he was going with this.

“That should give you something decent to hold onto.”

“Are you serious? Can’t you guys cut a hole in the ceiling for me?” you huffed.

“Who do you think I am, Qui-Gon fuckin’ Jinn?” Soap retorted, you could hear the drill going in the background. “Must’ve forgotten my lightsaber at home. Beyond blowing the thing off, how am I gonna cut a hole in the roof, sneak?”

“I’m not asking you to melt the whole roof off soap, you must be able to make a small hole with that drill, just make a few drill holes and weaken the metal!” you growled.

“Negative. We need you up there, Sergeant,” Ghost interrupted. “We need someone who can see ahead and tell us when the trucks are stopping or if we leave the forest. If they reach base or they leave us with no cover we need to get ready to jump off and hide.”

You sighed and watched as the drill bit poked its way out behind you, grating through the metal with a sound like grinding teeth. You would need to turn and slide forward a few inches to be able to reach it, but it looked like that was your best way to keep on top of the truck.

Without anymore stalling, you flipped around and watched as it disappeared and appeared a couple times more, forming a ragged little line. That would be enough for your knife to eat through.

You shakily reached behind you and to your knife holster, gripping the handle like a vice in your hands, whatever you did you couldn’t let it fly from your hold. With that in mind you quickly extended your arm and stabbed it through the hole, gritting your teeth as your hand slammed into the metal. That was surely going to bruise,

“Could’ve done with some warning, Sneak,” Soap huffed. “You almost took my finger off.”

“Poor baby, maybe you’d like to swap places,” you retorted. “See how you like holding onto the top of a truck with nothing but your hands.”

“Watch it, or I’ll send that knife flyin’ out,” he barked back.

“Shut up, Soap,” Ghost growled. “Keep the line clear. Sneak, let us know what you see, copy?”

“Copy that, Ghost.”

You hardened your gaze onto the horizon, watching as the trees came waving by and flew into your periphery, and adjusted your position. With both hands firmly wrapped around your knife, you were deadset on keeping your fingers wrapped around it with a snake like constriction. In that moment you were picturing it as Rousseau’s neck, already seeing red as you thought about Price and König and all the shit that you’d been through since chasing after the bastard.

You were going to get him. You were going to make him pay.

If König, Gaz and Horangi didn’t get back to you soon with good news, then you were fully prepared to unleash hell on him. It didn’t matter what Price was going to do when he found out about you and König, it didn’t matter about the rising blood and seething vitriol that would surely come with the revelation. Price was the one that helped shape you into the soldier you were, he was the one that had gotten you back alive from countless missions, he was your reason for marching on in some of your toughest fights. He cared about you and he believed in you - it was why he was so protective in the first place.

If Price was gone then it wouldn’t be long until the killer met the same fate…of course only after suffering for their actions in the meantime.

Next part here

#König #König x reader #könig fanfiction #modern warfare 2 #modern warfare fanfiction #mw2

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heliads · 9 months

Note

Hi! Hope I’m not too late, could I request a Derek Hale x reader where she (already knowing ab the supernatural) gets tired of Derek constantly disappearing from her life whenever he does that Derek thing until finally she’s fed up with it being the one to disappear this time idk how to end it or go from there but I was thinking of an angsty hurt/comfort with a happy ending🥺! Hope it’s enough, thank you!!

'the one who leaves ' - derek hale

masterlist

The hardest part of both being a werewolf and knowing a werewolf is, and will always be, the horrors. The attacks that never cease, the blood always shed. The second hardest part is the strain of being with someone whose life is always in jeopardy purely because of who they are. Although it doesn’t feel nearly as important as the constant threat of hunters, or the latest monster to decide that Beacon Hills should be its new domain, sometimes you swear the second part hangs even more heavily about your heart than the first. Then again, maybe that’s just because of Derek Hale.

Derek is one of the most complicated players on the supernatural chess board. You met him what feels like a lifetime ago, when one of seemingly dozens of supernatural attacks had threatened the lives of Beacon Hills citizens. Derek had saved your life. A month later, you’d saved him from some hunters. The back-and-forth of life saving went on and on until the two of you decided you were better as friends than people a little too important to each other to be acquaintances, and then the boundaries were shifted again when you started dating.

Sometimes, though, on rough nights after long fights and darker ones when you haven’t seen Derek in weeks and he doesn’t seem all that inclined to answer your texts or voicemails, you start to think that entering into a relationship with you is one of Derek’s biggest regrets. It’s not that he doesn’t care for you; Derek has assured you many times over that his feelings for you are stronger even than his loyalties to his pack, his commitment to killing the hunters responsible for the Hale House fire, yet the problem remains.

Derek is all too familiar with the struggle of having a weakness. When his ancestral home burned down with most of his family trapped inside, he learned for the first time that sometimes a mortal blow capable of destroying his life doesn’t have to threaten him specifically. When he loves someone so much that he prioritizes their safety above his own, Derek creates a weakness that hunters and other supernaturals can exploit. He would never forgive himself if you were hurt as a tool to get to him, so Derek has been doing his best to limit the fallout of any supernatural fight onto you.

However, this only seems to drive the two of you apart. Yes, by not being seen in public as often anymore, Derek lowers the possibility that a hunter would try to kidnap you as a hostage, but it also means that you see him less and less frequently. When you do finally manage to meet up, after thoroughly checking to make sure you haven’t been tailed, and only after dark in one of your houses, you’re both exhausted, wrung dry of the same life and spirit that had brought the two of you together in the first place.

It’s not the same anymore. You hate to admit it, but it’s true. Loving Derek is no longer the beautiful victory it had always been. Instead, you feel as if you’ve lost the war. Derek isn’t yours anymore. If he was, you wouldn’t have to hide what the two of you share, you wouldn’t have to constantly stare at the long list of missed calls on your phone and wonder when he’ll ever pick up, if he even wants to anymore. Derek is doing a great job at keeping you safe, but somewhere along the line, the two of you got your priorities mixed up. Now you’re alone and he’s alive, and you don’t know that you’re any happier about it than you would have been if one of you were lost to the hunters.

At this point, why try? Why even bother with the pretense of maintaining the ruse? The two of you might as well not even be together at all. It doesn’t feel like you are, certainly, when you go so long in between visits. Even when the two of you are finally face to face, Derek is harried and brief, hardly staying longer than a few hours before rushing off again, never to be seen for another few months.

It wears away at you like a river at a stone. Your sharp edges, the ones that pierced through his shell so easily at the beginning of it all, have been smoothed to nothingness. Each of your attempts to break through to Derek and coax him into staying even a little longer are brushed off with simple excuses. It’s like you don’t even exist to him anymore.

Fine. Fine. If you’re not a person to him anymore, he will not be a person to you. You pack up your things and leave Beacon Hills early one morning, only telling Scott McCall and Deaton over at the vet so they can contact you if need be. You don’t say a word about your absence to Derek. Why bother? He’s not even in town, hasn’t been for months. When he comes back– if he attempts to come back at all– he can ask one of his friends and hear the same answer that he would from you right now. There’s no point in wasting either of your time any longer.

You’re still engaged in fighting the good fight against the supernatural. Deaton is a longtime friend of yours, and he’d been hearing rumors of a peculiarity a couple of states over. He couldn’t afford to leave Beacon Hills for an extended period of time, being so important to the town as one of its last defenders, so you offered to go instead. It would be good for you, you said. The trip. Being able to clear your head.

Odds are, Deaton had been able to see through that excuse as he has many of your others all throughout your life, but he had just nodded and said that he was grateful for your help. With that, you left town. You’ve been in Beacon Hills for your entire life, excluding brief excursions in the name of school or work or family trips. Never before have you left like this, not entirely sure if you would ever come back, uncertain that the person you love most of all would be there to want you to return.

At first, the trip feels like a terror. Then you roll down the windows and let the early morning light touch your face with soft, bright fingers; then the breeze cools your face, running over your skin in loose circles; then you start to breathe at last, for the first time in what feels like years. Then you remember that you are still a person worth saving, and maybe even if Derek Hale cannot do that, you can save yourself by leaving.

The miles pass by in moments. You’re long gone by the time anyone starts waking up. Scott knew that you were leaving and told the other teenagers in his pack so they wouldn’t freak out, but he still texts you anyway. Hope you find what you’re looking for.

So do I, you message him back at a red light. Stay safe.

Thanks, he responds, then no more.

You end up in the state of your choice by the middle of the afternoon, booking a room at a hotel so you can have a home base while properly surveying the area. You don’t have a supernatural’s knack for telling when something is wrong, but the hairs on the back of your neck prickle anyway, letting you know that the currents of the wind around this city have a magical edge, a certain element that sets them aside from a normal town. Good. You could use something fantastical and uncommon.

You don’t know when you expect to hear back from Derek. Never, maybe. You had assumed that he wouldn’t try to reach out to you until he got back, which might be anywhere from a few months from now to never. Once he returned to Beacon Hills, Derek could hear from Scott as to why you weren’t there anymore. You and Derek hardly spoke at all anymore, except out of an obligation to make sure you were still alive. He probably wouldn’t care at all.

Yet not a week has gone by before you start getting frantic texts from Derek.

Y/N. You in town?

Why is your house empty?

Scott tells me you left town. Why didn’t you tell me?

Y/N. Please text back. I’m getting worried.

Three missed calls.

Please pick up, sweetheart. I’ll drive over there myself if I have to. Just tell me you’re alive.

You stare at the notifications for a long time, reveling in how they build in intensity, then tap out a message of your own at last: I’m alive and well.

Derek immediately responds. And you didn’t tell me you were going?

The bright glow of your phone dulls your senses. Nothing feels right, but nothing feels wrong anymore. Loving Derek used to make you feel invincible. Now, you’re just tired, and wishing this exchange would end.

Didn’t think I would have to. You’ve been away for months, and you never tell me when you’re going. Why should I?

Derek doesn’t like that at all. It’s different with me, sweetheart. You know that.

You don’t bother to grace that with a response. Setting your phone on ‘do not disturb,’ you shove the device back in your pocket. It’s good that Derek is unhappy with this turn of events, you decide. For once, he should be the one panicking when he wakes up alone, when he wants to be with the person he loves only for them to disappear without a trace. Why should it be you all the time?

You carry on with your task. As it turns out, the case at hand, the utter unraveling of the supernatural presence in this town, is due to an overactive ancient curse on the town. Deaton talks you through how to shut it down, and once the job is done, you return home, proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

You’re fully expecting Derek to have left town again by the time you got back. He’s been messaging you non stop, but you’ve been leaving most of those messages on ‘unread’ since they all say pretty much the same things: why wouldn’t you tell me you were going, are you alright, come back ASAP. You message back occasionally to assure him that you’re still alive, but mainly, you think a bit of silence would do the both of you some good.

After arriving back at Beacon Hills, you stop by your house to drop off your belongings before visiting Deaton to debrief. He’s glad to hear of your success, but once both of you have ensured that the town was handled accordingly, he breaks protocol to talk about your personal life instead.

“I think you should talk to Derek Hale,” he says uneasily.

You frown at him. “What?”

Deaton glances around to make sure no customers can overhear you, then continues on. “He’s been a wreck ever since you left. He keeps stopping by the shop to demand information from me. He insisted for a long time that I give him the name of the town you were visiting so he could check on you himself, but I kept it from him because I thought you would need to focus.”

“That was the right call,” you assure him. It would, after all, have been more difficult to juggle both an errant curse and a supremely ticked off boyfriend.

Deaton chuckles good-naturedly. “That was what I had assumed. I would still recommend talking to him, though. These sorts of conflicts are best handled sooner rather than later.”

You nod your agreement, and, after talking a few minutes longer, head out towards Derek’s apartment complex. Although you’ve felt bitterly triumphant in the fact that Derek now knows what it’s like to miss somebody like you’ve been missing him, you fell in love with him for a reason, and that reason was that you liked being around him more than you did with anyone else. You still love him, even if the two of you have been on the fringe of an argument for a while now.

That’s what drives you to his building, what carries you up the interminably long elevator ride, what brings you to knock twice on his door and wait until a quiet voice from inside announces that the door is unlocked.

That’s the first sign that something is wrong. Derek never leaves the door unlocked. Some could call it an overwhelming concern for safety, or just plain paranoia, but Derek’s experienced enough tragedy in his life to go overboard in making sure that he keeps all potential avenues of risk firmly blocked off. The fact that the door is unlocked disquiets you more than you like to admit.

Slowly, carefully, you push the door open. Immediately, you’re struck by the gloomy atmosphere of the place. Derek pulled the curtains over the wide windows of his apartment, making the whole place darker and more lifeless than usual. The lights are off. You can assume that Derek can see thanks to his werewolf senses without needing the fluorescents, but for your human eyes, the whole place just seems as dark and grave as a crypt.

“Derek?” You call out hesitantly.

Silence. Then, a husky voice from the back. “Y/N? Is that you?”

You still can’t see him in the gloom, so you cross the apartment to open the blinds on the large windows, hoping to toss some light on the situation. You know the layout of the place from memory, so many visits here help to solidify your knowledge of each piece of furniture in the apartment. Still, you’re not expecting to see Derek crumpled in a chair on the corner, looking significantly the worse for wear.

You’re at his side in an instant. “Derek? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he says listlessly. “Not like you knew a thing about that, though, disappearing like that.”

Your concern for him starts to fade away, replaced instead by a burning irritation. “So that’s what all of this is about? You’re so hurt that I was the one to leave that you’ve become comatose?”

Derek sits up a little, eyes flashing. “You vanished without a trace and didn’t tell me where you went. I thought you were dead, Y/N. I had to pry information out of Deaton so I even knew you were alive, and when I tried to contact you, you ignored my messages. What the hell was I supposed to think?”

You laugh, although it’s not a happy sound. “Finally, you understand. This is what I deal with every time you leave town, Derek. You never tell me where you’re going or what you’re doing. I sat here in Beacon Hills for months, wondering if you’ll ever come back. I was gone for half the time you usually are and yet it’s far too much for you to handle. How do you think I feel?”

Derek’s lips flatten. “I– I didn’t realize you took it like that. I was just trying to keep you safe. You know how the hunters watch me, and–”

You cut him off, feeling the anger coiling through your stomach. “I know that, Derek. I know that every supernatural in your life that isn’t a part of your pack wants you dead. I know that in your head, this is how you keep me safe, by constantly cutting me out of your life, but has it occurred to you that this isn’t what I want? You could have asked me if this was the way to handle it. If you had even talked to me at all, I would have told you that I don’t care about being safe. Not if it means we’re like this. Not if it means I don’t get to have you at all.”

Derek stands up slowly, until he’s hovering just a few breaths away from you. One of his hands reaches up to cradle your cheek. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispers. “I’ve lost so many people in my life. I can’t lose you, too.”

“I know,” you murmur back. “But if you keep going on like this, if you keep pushing me away, you’ll lose me anyway.”

He flinches. “I should have asked you,” he admits. “I can’t erase the past, Y/N, but I can apologize for the present. Will you forgive me?”

“Only if you stay with me,” you answer him.

A ghost of a smile plays upon his lips. “I’ve never had a problem with that. It hurts like hell, leaving you. Always.”

“Then don’t do it anymore,” you urge him. “Stay with me, Derek. Keep me safe by staying with me.”

“I will,” Derek promises.

People in love make a lot of promises. Some are kept, some are broken. Some are forgotten about entirely. Looking at Derek in this half-darkness, though, you have a feeling that this one will be cherished for quite a long time indeed.

teen wolf tag list: @mayfieldss, @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @rafecameronswhore, @bellabadacadabra, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @23victoria

all tags list: @wordsarelife

#derek hale #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale oneshot #teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf oneshot #teen wolf derek #teen wolf derek imagines #teen wolf derek x reader #teen wolf derek oneshot

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phoenixkaptain · 1 year

Text

Thinkin about Su Xiyan, Tianlang-jun, and Luo Binghe again…

Su Xiyan who was forced into doing things and who desperately didn’t want to betray Tianlang-jun and who drank poison so she could see him again and warn him only to find out that she was far too late. And she gave birth to a little baby boy and instead of tossing him overboard into the water or letting him freeze, she wrapped him in her own robes to send him down the river. She must’ve been hoping he’d live, right? She must’ve been desperately longing for her child to live. She must’ve been so tired. She looked back on those times when she and Tianlang-jun would tease and flirt with each other and despite everything, she must’ve felt so terribly, terribly alone.

Tianlang-jun, who begins as a legitimately almost pure-hearted maiden. He likes to bounce around the human realm and play their songs and read their stories and spend way too much money until he’s broke. And he falls so hard for Su Xiyan. He falls so hard for her, to the point that he brings her up constantly and he asks Zhuzhi-Lang whether or not he’s handsome and he trusts her and trusts her and trusts her… only for everything to be torn apart. Only to be buried under a mountain and stuck thinking that Su Xiyan is the one who caused all of it. Barely even able to mourn for everything he’s lost.

It isn’t like the world is kind to them after everything. Tianlang-jun is painted as a monster who was on the verge of storming the human realm. Su Xiyan is badmouthed the moment people find out that she was pregnant with Tianlang-jun’s child. No matter what she does, she can’t win. If she betrayed her sect for Tianlang-jun, then she was a traitor who was seduced by a demon. If she betrayed Tianlang-jun for her sect, then she was a horrible mother and terrible woman. If she tried to kill her unborn child, she’s unfit to be called a woman. If she tried to save him, she brought an unholy abomination into the world. She just can’t win.

And of course Luo Binghe’s supposed to be tragic. Of course his story is supposed to be sad. But he’s so desperate for any hint of affection and he’s told to his face that he’s an unholy abomination and his father doesn’t seem to care about him and his mother tried to abort him and it’s so easy to feel all alone. It’s so easy for him to feel like he doesn’t fit anywhere, because he’s both human and demon, which means he’s neither human nor demon.

The part that always makes me tear up is when Luo Binghe tries to merge the two realms together. He’s so desperate. He’s so broken. He doesn’t know what to do and he only knows that he doesn’t want to be left behind. He says that nobody has ever chosen him. He says that it would be fine even if Shen Qingqiu hated him, as long as he didn’t toss him aside.

And it’s awful! This family is awful! It’s so sad! It’s too sad! Su Xiyan chose Luo Binghe before anyone else did. Su Xiyan chose to save him, chose to try and keep him warm and dry. Even at the cost of her own life, she chose him! And she chose him because she loved Tianlang-jun! She basically poisoned herself trying to keep the only thing she had left of Tianlang-jun alive! Tianlang-jun says that Luo Binghe looks like her. Tianlang-jun can’t even be angry or sad when he mentions her, he just goes blank, until he finds out that she really wanted to save him and he can’t help but love her all over again! Tianlang-jun looks at Luo Binghe and Luo Binghe is proof that Su Xiyan loved him!

Luo Binghe realizes that he hurt Shen Qingqiu and he’s more than horrified. All he’s ever wanted to do is be strong enough that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t have to get hurt saving him anymore, but all he ever seem to accomplishe is hurting Shen Qingqiu himself. He tries to learn demonic cultivation to get stronger and he gets pushed into the Endless Abyss. He tries to learn spiritual cultivation and Shen Qingqiu dies in his arms. He tries to keep Shen Qingqiu’s body in perfect condition so that he can bring hin back to life, only for the body to be stolen out from under him twice. He asks, again and again, for Shen Qingqiu to choose him, and he never gets chosen.

But, you can’t actually blame Shen Qingqiu. Because all of those scenes of him not choosing Luo Binghe ARE him choosing Luo Binghe! He chooses Binghe and Binghe’s safety everytime, he just never realizes that he himself is necessary for Binghe to be safe. And why would he assume that? He hurt Binghe and he feels like he can’t be forgiven for it, to the point that all of his suffering is him punishing himself.

Luo Binghe in the wedding extra asks Shen Qingqiu to marry him and he’s so nervous beforehand that he literally trips. He stutters. And even after he asks, he tells Shen Qingqiu not to answer, because he can’t listen to the answer, he can’t listen to Shen Qingqiu turn him aside again and he contents himself with thinking that even if they aren’t married, Shen Qingqiu has indulgently allowed him to follow wherever he goes, and that’s enough.

So when Shen Qingqiu does say yes, it’s emotional. He’s shocked. And even as he pulls out all the stops for the “wedding,” I don’t think Luo Binghe is actually convinced that Shen Qingqiu meant it until the next day, when Shen Qingqiu calls him “Husband” without even being asked. I think that’s the moment it hit him. Shen Qingqiu chose him.

We start the novels by hearing a basic outline of PIDW, which starts with Su Xiyan choosing Luo Binghe. We end the novels with Shen Qingqiu choosing Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe finally, finally understands what it feels like to be loved.

Meng Mo and the Huan Hua Palace Master want Luo Binghe as their student because he’s powerful and capable and, in the Palace Master’s case, he reminds him of Su Xiyan. His wives, it’s somewhat strongly implied, mostly wanted him for sex and what he could do for them. Nobody ever really befriends Luo Binghe at any point. He’s always standing apart from others. He’s never part of the Huan Hua disciples and he stands out amongst the Cang Qiong sect disciples and he stands out among demons and he stands out among humans and

And he finally stands with Shen Qingqiu. He’s finally not alone. He’s finally someone’s first choice. He finally feels like someone’s first choice.

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ninnosaurus · 1 month

Note

18 with Bay!Raph, please? Because the world needs more Raph angst in it 😊

YEAH YEAH SURE LETS GOOOO i wrote this at work teehee 🤭

18. "Can't you see?" Warnings: Brief mention of suicide. Angst. Shitty grammar, I guess?

All you remember from that day is that it was raining. How cliché, right? It was like the sky also wept for him. For… you? I had never been that heavy, climbing to the rooftop on that night. The rooftop where you met him the first time. Where he… saved you. You had been ready to close that final chapter of your life, but instead; he decided it was time to start a new one.

That was months ago now, close to a year, actually. No one you knew knew about him. And you doubted it would be accepted. You couldn’t deal with the thought of telling people about him. It would put him, and his family, in danger. And it broke you knowing what you had to do.

You saw him sitting on the ledge of the roof, under a makeshift cover from the rain he most likely put up himself. A massive, hulking figure. Scary to anyone who would come across him in the dark. He’d scared you too, that one time. But not anymore. Now, your stomach makes back flips every time you see him. Now, when he speaks it makes you warm. His voice is like a warm blanket during snow storms.

But tonight, he and his presence brought sorrow to you as you stood behind him.

Raph turned around when he heard you scrape across the roof. “Hey, shortstuff.”

Internally you begged him not to look at you like that. Green eyes swirling with complex emotions and thoughts and feelings.

“You need to leave.”

A voice so cold and devoid of everything you saw in his eyes surprised you. You almost didn’t recognize it as your own.

“What? Why?”

He moved to stand up. To reach for you. He probably noticed the change in your voice, in your vibe. He’s good like that. Mikey was never the only one good at noticing details like that. But you moved away from him.

“Because…”

Being gentle wouldn’t work with him. You can’t- you can’t sugar coat things if you need him to leave. To leave and to never come back to you. The words tastes like poison when they come out of you;

“Because you’re a monster!”

You saw his arm lowering, stopping at his side. And that’s when you made something you would regret more than telling him this, you looked at him. Raph looked broken. He didn’t look… angry. “Broken” was the best way to describe him. Broken, like a vase someone had knocked over, or a mirror found in an abandoned mansion.

“...you don’t mean that.”

You didn’t. It was the opposite. He’d quickly become your everything. You loved him. But… you could never be. This wasn’t a world for beings like him, and even less for him to be with you. Because this world wasn’t kind to anything different. You knew that. This was for his sake. To save him.

“Just go. You don’t- You don’t belong… here.”

“But-”

Dodge him! Don’t let him embrace you!

“No! You- you don’t belong with humans! You- you should stay in the sewers!”

He doesn’t even budge when you shove at him. Solid as a brick wall. Hands trained to hurt. Arms- arms made to-.

“Did I… Did I do somethin’ wrong?”

Please, just fucking stop. Just go. I can’t be with you! No matter how much I want to

“Jesus christ, Raph! Can’t you see?! Open your fucking eyes!”

Your voice starts to waver. A crack somewhere in it that feels just like the thunder in the distance sounds like.

Get it together

“We can never be together! Just- just look at me! And- and look at what you are!”

A dagger straight into his heart, serrated, slowly twisting around.

He’s quiet. That was the thing that brought you two together, you could connect in that way. Anger and fury shielding yourselves from harm and emotional hurt. When he came to you to vent about Leo, you stayed quiet. Letting him scream, and yell, and swear and cuss. You knew it was never directed at you.

But this time, when he stayed quiet; It scared you. It broke and it hurt. Like salt into an already open wound.

“So… All you said…?”

You meant every word! Please don’t leave me…

You faked a scoff, tried your best to pull off an amazing performance.

“I can’t believe you’re so dense that you believed all of that?! You really think I would ever- that- I-... that.”

He never said anything after that. Just looked at you one last time before jumping off the roof. Those green eyes you had fallen in love with, the ones that could contain a magical forest were dark. The forest had been burned to a crisp by the vicious fire you had started.

Here's some tags of people I like and that has really inspired me to get back into writing <3 @thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @theyhavetakenovermylife @turtlecleric

#tmnt #bayverse tmnt #bayverse #bayverse raph #tmnt rahp #ask prompt

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questionablequeeries · 1 year

Text

Free Space (Too Far Gone? by Metallica)

Day 0

“Absolutely not. We need to put it outta its misery.” Hopper insisted as they recovered in the Harrington home. He grimaced when the sound of screeching and thrashing sounded from the basement, and Steve would have found the expression almost humorous any other day.

“He’s not an it!” Dustin protested, “And we didn’t abandon Will! We don’t leave party members if they can be saved!”

Nancy sighed, taking a gulp of water to gather her thoughts before she spoke, “Will was savable. Eddie is…Is he even Eddie anymore? He didn’t drop when the other democreatures did, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything!” Dustin’s voice got a little louder, “I don’t know what final boss battle you guys were watching, but Eddie, El, and Will did most of the heavy lifting!” While tentacles (vines? Whatever, either way Steve wanted to pretend that hadn’t happened) pinned them down, Eddie had turned on Vecna. He’d bared his fangs and lunged, catching the monster offguard enough for Eleven to mindblast the vines (vines aren’t slimy. Definitely tentacles) off of herself. He had even caught a tentacle (but tentacles imply they’re attached to something and the majority weren’t. So…vines?) through the chest for his trouble. Apparently whatever had been done to him made him heal faster, so yay for small miracles.

“He’s staying.” Steve finally spoke up, “Hop, with all due respect I won’t hesitate to do what it takes to protect him.” His voice was even, the ‘from you’ left unsaid but still understood.

Hopper paused before he sighed, “We do this, you aren’t taking care of him alone. The second he becomes too much of a danger…”

“He won’t.” Steve said firmly. They would make it through the night and pull his heart into the day.

Day 1

“Wow, you look bad.” Robin grimaced at the sight of her platonic soulmate absolutely drenched from head to toe.

Steve sighed as he wrung out his shirt, “I had El restrain Eddie so I could chain him up.”

“And that required you to take a swim first?” Robin arched an eyebrow as she walked into Steve’s bathroom and gathered a few towels.

“It was for a bath. He hasn’t had one since at least three days before he died.” Steve grumbled, drying himself off, “I know he’s not exactly Eddie right now but the moment he remembered he had wings was the most Eddie thing I’ve ever seen.” He’d watched as Eddie had gone from thrashing in the plastic pool they’d brought down to flapping a tidal wave in Steve’s general direction, making an almost pleased sort of chirp. The bastard had even looked smug, and it was annoying, but it was all the proof he needed that Eddie still lived, was more than an attack dog. It was progress.

Day 10

“So, um, the party’s gonna deal with Acererak, but the twist is that he’s the DMNPC that’s been traveling with them.” Will explained his next campaign, glancing over to Eddie. The man had to be restrained when people were with him, and the kids needed an adult by their side, but he couldn’t help thinking that maybe the vampire wasn’t so bad. After all, being changed by the Upside Down didn’t mean you were automatically evil, just…different.

Steve smiled softly. He was pretending to read a magazine to give them some privacy, but he heard the curious chirps Eddie was making, the inquisitiveness spoken in a language Steve was starting to learn, and he couldn’t help speaking up, “I think he wants to know more.”

Will’s eyes lit up, “Okay, the big reveal’s gonna be at the end of the tomb…”

Night 35

Steve was woken up by screeching, mournful and terrified. He booked it downstairs so fast he nearly fell down the last steps. He saw Eddie in his little nest of sweatshirts he’d taken from Steve, wings wrapped around himself and brows furrowed, fighting some horrors his own mind had created. Without hesitation, Steve climbed into the nest and laid there, pulling Eddie into his arms and brushing his hair back, “It’s okay,” He whispered, “You’re not alone.”

Day 63

Dustin was sat right next to Eddie, reading from The Hobbit, when he felt a wing wrap around him, startling him out of the paragraph, “You okay? Do you need something?”

Steve grinned, “I think that’s mostly because he can’t do it with his arm.”

Eddie let out a confirming chitter.

“Let’s let him out!” Dustin undid the chains before he could be stopped though, considering it was just he and Steve, there wasn’t really a voice of reason there.

Eddie froze when he was freed, looking around the room as if this was a trap, a trick, and a soft whine pulled from his throat.

“No, it’s okay. Like this, see?” Dustin demonstrated by wrapping an arm around Eddie’s stomach.

Eddie hesitated before he rested a clawed hand on Dustin’s curls and ruffled them. What startled both Steve and his semi-child was the purr that rumbled from the vampire’s chest.

Day 86

Steve walked downstairs with breakfast. They’d found that Eddie could eat normal things but that most of his nutrients came from blood, so the adults had been donating when they could. Thankfully, he only seemed to need to be fed once a day, with Steve giving him human food the rest of the time. He frowned when he heard what sounded like hissing, an incessant ‘s’ sound, “What is it? You okay?” He asked in concern, setting down the cup and approaching his vampire.

Eddie let out an annoyed sort of grunt then continued hissing, shaking his head.

Steve crouched down in front of Eddie, resting a hand against his cheek, “What’s wrong? Do we need El?” Because Eleven was the only one who could communicate with Eddie better than Steve through her static blindfold mind powers (and Steve totally wasn’t jealous, no, why would he be? Totally fine with someone else speaking to his Eddie, totally chill and cool)

Eddie growled, hissing louder, until he stopped and took a deep breath. Robin had been teaching him how to control his emotions, though hers were mostly panic attack related. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes, “SSSSSStevie.” He whispered.

Steve felt tears spill out, instantly throwing himself at Eddie, “Yeah, Baby, it’s me.” He murmured into a cold neck that still felt so familiar, “Welcome home.”

@steddie-week You can read the entire week here!

#stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #robin buckley #dustin henderson #creature eddie munson #fanfic #nancy wheeler #kas eddie munson #will byers #jim hopper #stranger things fic #steddieweek2023 #questionable writes #music fic

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meowsgirldrawing · 10 months

Text

Princess vs Prince (Astarion x Gn-Tav/Reader) WIP

I got 6 pages of this so far HA-

Prompt: The ragtag gang of tadpole holders saves a princess (daughter of a grand duke) from a miserable fate by a monster, then decides to help escort her back to her town. Astarion didn’t mind any of this, but after weeks since his and Tav’s exchange of real affections and confessions, he’s not too keen on allowing her fluttering eyelashes and obvious thing for hero’s to go on any longer.

(Aka-Astarion doesn’t like to share and wants to be the only “royalty” Tav adores)

(Aka-he’s jealous)

Why am I calling Astarion a prince? Because he acts like it besides the gore and vampy stuffz. Plus it makes a fun title.

Note: Tav is a tiefling in this, because I love tieflings so much, but I'm trying to keep it mostly open so people can imagine their Tav's easier. More or less a little self-indulgent on my part.

“Let’s save the little princess, they said!”

“It’ll be harmless, they said!”

Astarion bristles, leaned up on the tough wood pole that holds up his tent. The pure white pup beside him pays no attention, his gnawing noisy and breaking the air occasionally with happy whimpers. “I mean really??” He manages to keep his words low-ish, but his hand movement, flaring up in mock dismissal, is rather the opposite. “Who does that little minx think she is?-”

“GO WYLL, GO!” Karlach’s booming voice interrupts him. Loud enough that Scratch finally peers up, tail wagging. Oh so you’ll ignore me but as soon as the big fire lady says one word-

Not that Scratch really needs to listen anymore, Astarion trails off, finally resuming on the scene before him. The scene he was so diligently watching for a few reasons only before his disgust came filtering in.

Gale steps up, settling in beside Karlach, “Do we really need to do this?”

“Have a little fun, Gale,” Tav huffs lightly, playfully, as they snatch up another log and set it up in the stump, axe glinting in the sunlight from their hand.

“Of course we do! Since Tav thought it was oh so wise to comment-“

“It was just a joke, Wyll-“ They try.

“On my “princely-ness” I must show them exactly how prince-like I can be!” His shirtless chest puffs up in confidence, or faux bravo as Tav rolls their eyes and sighs. And that is through a friendly log-chopping competition apparently.

“Tsk’va-“ Lae’zel settles up next to Gale’s side, her eyes focused on the pile beside the two morons. “As long as we get firewood, I don’t care how it’s done.”

Tav nods, grateful “Thank you, sweet Lae’zel. See Gale, it’s harmless my guy!”

Lae’zel does her dismissal words, rolling her eyes. The friendliness form of ‘no problem’ a Githyanki, at least their favorite one, can offer apparently.

What? No, the competition is certainly not Astarion’s source of disgust. The sight of a bare chested, years of fighting showing in rippling muscles, Wyll going against their broad-shouldered, built in both structured and height Tav, whose upper half is covered by a mere tank top. That is absolutely not it. If anything, he could sit there all day watching both go at it like morons over a simple joke.

And no, it’s not how he can clearly see the others taking in the sight as well. Gale watches in more amused confusion compared to most, but if you looked harder, his eyes are certainly not straying from either’s form.

Karlach’s tail wags lightly, while her eyes glim with her hearty laugh. Perhaps if she wasn’t already burning up from her engine, she’d probably be visibly burning up in another way. Still, her focus is on Wyll, amused and thoroughly intrigued.

Lae’zel’s possibly the only one who isn’t doing much leering, but she isn’t so innocent. She goes from watching their forms swing down the axes on Tav’s call to being unable to take her eyes off Tav’s arm stretching out for another log. She huffs but does nothing more besides crossing her arms.

He can’t blame them, not at all, his Tav alone is a sight to behold. Not to mention their overall friendly and sweet persona that takes no real effort, a gentle giant is what he’s heard multiple times by Shadowheart. Added with Wyll, an admittedly gentleman despite his profession at slaying off monster heads, his demeanor also alone can melt the strongest of hearts.

Pair them together, and you got a nice show to sit back and enjoy. Especially with the banter thrown left and right.

“Ready to give up, Tav? Even by your tail I can tell you’re struggling.” He grins, eyes crickling in mirth.

Tav scoffs, their tail adjusting the log before swinging back to behind them.

“Try me, warrior boy. I’m just getting started!”

“Well-” At the next call, both heave up their axes and slit the wood in two. 4 more added to their respective collections. “So am I, my friend!”

Astarion’s lip quirks, but then turns into a full frown as soon as he hears it again.

A high pitched giggle.

A little ways behind the two competitors, there sits a young woman in a fair and fluttery day gown, dark long locks curled over her shoulder, manicured and well cared for hands trail near her full and red lips as she giggles out her response, “You’re doing just amazing, both of you!”

But her eyes stay on Tav. His Tav.

His lip curls, eyes piercing from the other side of the camp.

There she is, the little princess he and his group just so happen to come across when dealing the final blows on a goblin camp. Annalisa, or rather, Lady Annalisa-Daughter and heir of Duke Salton. Who just so happens to be from the town they planned to head to next before her untimely landing into their group.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion x tav #current wip

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justauthoring · 10 months

Text

the bond - chapter thirteen.

*bond: a relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.

word count: 6458

based off of: 3x04, 3x05, 3x06 & 3x07

a/n: ummm so kenny?

tag list: @ernyaeger - @luvelyxp - @urfictional - @decaffeinatedtealover - @ange-lica-3 - @midzuumi - @leiriswhore - @urfictional - @frasheliza - @echothy - @usernamehere91 - @happygirl5798 - @dwarfnip - @hegdus - @cheoriemoawa - @snapdragon-atelier let me know if you’d like to be added!

Criminals.

That’s what Armin had called you all.

Given everything, you doubted he was wrong. You certainly didn’t feel like a hero anymore, not after everything you’d been forced to do and witness. Not stuck out in hiding, being hunted by your own people – and why? Because you want to save your friends? Because you want to protect them?

Because of that you’d been forced to witness and do things you never thought you would. Soil your hands in ways you thought would always be clean. It was one thing killing Titans, creatures you’d thought monsters that had eaten and terrorized the people you knew and cared for. Killed your mother and Ms. Schneider.

But now apparently they weren’t mindless monsters themselves anymore either. They were people too. You’ve killed people.

Let people be tortured.

Everything had changed so quickly, faster than any of you could comprehend. You still weren’t sure if you were doing the right thing, not completely anyways. You all were just doing what you thought was best, with the limited knowledge you had. You felt that way, and you knew your friends did as well – but, you also knew Levi felt that way. Could see it in his eyes as he sat beside you, in his own thoughts. It was one thing to doubt yourself, to know that your friends did as well and another to have not only your Captain, but a man considered the best of the best to have doubts.

Letting your eyes fall shut, you sigh.

“There,” Sasha calls out from beside you, causing you to sit back up and meet her gaze. She sends you a gentle smile, not quite reaching your eyes as she glances around warily before focusing back on you. “I changed your bandages, you should be good for a while.” Briefly, you watch as she moves your old bandages out of sight, and you frown when you notice how much they’ve bled red..

Shaking your head, you smile back at her, you set your hand over her own; “thank you, Sasha. I really appreciate it.”

Taking back her seat next to you, Sasha nods; “you had me worried. I’ve never seen you look like that.”

Meeting her eyes, you frown; “like what?”

“...Weak.”

It’s blunt, but true. You’ve never felt that weak either… or vulnerable. At least, not since the day Shiganshina was attacked. Especially since you knew you were skilled, exceptionally so – and a part of you had always known that didn’t mean you were invincible, but you always thought that it would be Titan’s that would be your downfall. Not humans. Both because you’d never expected to fight humans and because you hadn’t thought yourself foolish enough to be surprised like that.

You knew you weren’t invincible, yes, but you hadn’t thought you’d ever feel the way you had the day the wall had fallen again. It was a feeling you fought to forget, desperately so. A soul crushing and burden-heavy feeling that had made you feel small and vulnerable and weak as you watched the ones you loved die. You’d never wanted to feel that way again, especially not when you had new loved ones you wanted to protect.

It had felt strange and scary and humiliating, everyone surrounding you, worried… still now, Mikasa and Armin kept sending you glances, Connie had been particularly more quiet and gentle with you (which was very different then how he normally was) and Sasha had made it perfectly clear just how worried she was.

Even Levi seemed concerned in his own small way.

“Sorry,” you offer to Sasha, smiling sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I–”

Whatever Sasha had been about to say she doesn’t have the chance to finish.

“–Captain.”

You frown at the sound of Jean’s voice, head tilting slightly to glance in his direction, letting your eyes drift across Mikasa, then Armin and finally Jean in the back – all three of which had come back from sneaking into the inner city.

“We brought the supplies.”

Meeting Jean’s eyes briefly, you quickly advert your gaze, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs painfully. You don’t see it because you look away too quickly, but a frown curls onto Jean’s at your reaction, shifting his gaze to his face.

You refuse to let what happened get in the way of what was the priority. Saving Eren and Historia is what mattered now. You wouldn’t let yourself get distracted or be a nuisance to the team again; you were still healing from your injury on your arm anyways, making your movements slower if you needed to fight.

Jean had made his feelings clear and it was silly of you to think the outcome would be any different. You’d seen Jean since the day you met him pine after Mikasa, and it was clear his feelings hadn’t changed even though you’d thought they might’ve. He’d practically been smitten the second he’d laid eyes on her, and who were you to get in the way of that?

Besides, this was hardly the time to be worrying about silly things like that.

And it was stupid of you to ever think it was.

“The Military Police were handing out these,” Armin calls out, stepping towards Levi and extending his hand out towards him. Shifting forward, you lean over Levi’s shoulder, raising a brow at the drawing of what is clearly supposed to be Levi on the wanted poster. “If this is true, the Scouts will be disbanded. I heard they’ll be hunting for us tonight. They’re also putting guards on all the vital roads, and it’s impossible to get through without a pass.”

Inhaling sharply, you glance around, meeting Sasha’s gaze as she sends you a worried glance.

“Captain, what now?”

Mikasa leans in; “if we don’t hurry, Eren…–”

“Calm down,” Levi instantly cuts in, casting a glance Mikasa’s way as he lets the slip of paper fall to his lap. “They’re using a wagon. It’ll take at least a day to reach Reiss’ territory. We’ll have to use that time to come up with a plan.”

Mikasa looks like she wants to argue, but before she can, Sasha speaks up;

“Captain,” Sasha calls out from beside me, “I hear footsteps.”

Back straightening, you feel your body tense.

“They’re coming this way.”

With a frown, you watch as Armin and Mikasa tie the hands of the two Military Police that had, of course, been looking for all of you.

Just like they were assigned to.

The both of them look just barely older than you and the rest of your friends. Still a look of innocence and naivety in their gazes as they survey the area around them. You know you have no choice and that if it wasn’t them, it’d most likely be you – but still, the look of fear in their gaze is enough to have your chest welling with guilt.

Shaking your head, you glance back ahead of yourself – this was no time for regrets.

“Now then… Stohess District Military Police.”

Head tilting to the left slightly, you glance at Levi out of the corner of your eye, noting the slip of paper in his hands. Jean’s standing right next to him so you figure that was something he found off of the gear they’d pulled off the two. And by the looks of it, it was their identification.

“Private Marlo Freudenberg,” Levi calls out, stepping right in front of the boy before making his way behind him. “Same assignment, Private Hitch Dreyse. As for how we’ll dispose of you…”

You see it, the second the words leave Levi’s lips; their bodies tense and the girl, Hitch, curls into herself as this pure look of terror crosses her face, eyes wide and in disbelief.

Distantly, your hand falls on your bandaged arm, nails digging into your skin despite the pain it causes.

“Because of you guys, over a hundred people from Stohess District were killed!”

Blinking, you freeze at Hitch’s words.

“Huh?” Levi calls out, his blade thrown over his shoulder as he glances down at her.

The boy, Marlo, next to her, narrows his eyes; “hey!” He calls out, hissing the word.

“You people…” Hitch continues nonetheless, unable to stop the way her voice shakes violently, keeping her gaze ahead of herself, staring at seemingly nothing. “You might think that you’re all heroes of justice, but the victims and their families were dropped straight into hell!”

A beat of silence follows as her words hang in the air, you and your friends glancing at each other before Levi speaks up first.

“Yeah,” he calls, voice blank, “I know.”

Hitch shifts at that, narrowing her eyes at Levi behind her, before she blinks, turning in the direction of Mikasa and Armin, “you there… you’re from the Southern Cadet Corps, yeah?” She doesn’t wait for a reply. “Just like Annie Leonhart.”

A gasp leaves your lips before you can stop yourself, shoulders tensing.

How did she…

But then you remember, Annie had joined the Military Police as well.

“Were you friends of hers?” Hitch asks, “no… I doubt she had any friends. Being as gloomy and aloof as she was. It’s like she was a kid afraid of other people… I never got the chance to know anything about her. And the reason they still haven’t found her…” Her body spins, turning to face Levi as her voice raises and she turns distraught, a nasty glare set in her eyes as she spits the words at him; “is because she was pulverized by a Titan into a puddle of jelly!”

Your face falls at that.

That’s right. Not everyone knew…

“No…” Levi shakes his head, “because the Titan in hiding was… Annie Leonhart herself.”

Marlo and Annie’s faces fall, shoulders dropping in disbelief.

“Goddammit, it makes me sick.” Levi huffs, stepping in between them. |Nobody knows a damn thing about this world… not us or anyone else. Except for those bastards at the center of it all.” Letting your gaze fall to your feet, you frown.

Taking a moment to frown at either of them, Levi sighs before conceding. “We’ll release you both as soon as we get out of here.”

But neither of them look all that relieved, the news that Levi had just revealed to them weighs heavily on both of their shoulders. Hitch folds into herself a moment later, eyes distant and glossed over, glancing at her lap; “Annie was…–”

“Captain Levi!” Marlo suddenly bellows, “please let me help you!”

What?

“I don’t think what you guys are doing is wrong!” He cries, turning to Levi with desperation as he lets the words pour from his lips, rapidly and without thought. “If I can help correct this world’s injustice, I’ll do whatever it takes!”

Levi just stares at him. “What’s with this guy?”

“I beg of you, Captain Levi!”

“Not a chance,” Levi cuts in, no hesitance. “I can’t tell how prepared you are about making an enemy of the government.” Stepping forward, Levi sheathes his blade back into his gear, turning to Armin and Mikasa. “Let’s go. Sasha. Tie them up somewhere nearby.”

“Yes, sir!”

Levi glances at you briefly, and with a frown, you glance away, moving to follow him before Jean’s voice causes you to pause.

“Captain.”

Levi pauses, and although you know you shouldn’t, you do as well.

“Please let me do it.”

Levi stares at him for a moment, before he shrugs; “do whatever you want,” walking off without another glance back. But you hang back a moment, meeting Jean’s gaze as a look passes through his eyes, causing your brows to furrow in confusion. You want to ask but before you can muster the strength to speak to him, he’s turning away from you.

You watch him a moment longer before turning the opposite direction, following Levi.

It turns out Jean had had a plan when he volunteered to take care of the two Military Police that you’d captured–a test of loyalty. Marlo and Hitch had proven themselves loyal to the cause, a fact that Levi had readily accepted the second he’d been told and Jean further defended them. And as a result, the two had helped you find a Military Police informant.

With the element of surprise, all of you had easily been able to gain control of the camp and successfully capture the informant.

Levi, through means of torture, had been able to pull what information he could from the man. Levi refused to let any of you assist him and instead keep watch for anyone else–a fact you’d been extremely grateful for.

And then Hange and Moblit returned with good news. Great news actually. The Coup d'etat had been a success, meaning the wager you’d all been playing since the beginning was a success and thus you all were free people now. No longer were you being hunted down to be arrested for treason against the government and no longer would you have to spend your days in hiding. As well as, Hange had been able to find some information about where Eren and Historia had been taken, and this meant you could finally rescue them.

And yet, you couldn’t find it in you to be excited.

Everyone around you had cheered and let out cries of relief at the news, and though you had plastered a smile on your face when Sasha had brought you and Mikasa into her arms and had laughed lightly as Connie bellowed out in excitement, your shoulders felt heavy; weighed down with what you’d heard.

The Military Police informant you’d all captured had information about the group the Military Police had hired. Turns out it was a group led by a man named Kenny Ackerman.

“Find your father,” she whispers, eyes falling shut as she falls back, and her grip on your hand loosens. She says her words in a haze, as if not completely conscious. “Find him… Find Ken–…”

You can’t rightly explain it but your mother’s final words come to mind. A goal you’ve had since you watched the feet of a Titan crush her body beneath its weight. Find your father, she’d said, a man she’d never talked about. A man you knew nothing about. Not what he looked like or what he did… where he lived or where he’d grown up. You didn’t know how he and your mother met, or why he’d left… you didn’t even know if he knew you existed.

Did he know he had a daughter?

Did he ever think about you?

Did he… regret leaving you and your mom?

All unanswered questions that had always drifted in the back of your mind. A faceless man that appeared in your dreams or a man you swore you saw walking down the streets sometimes; a man you could’ve walked by a million times now.

A man you’ve desperately wanted to find since you were a little girl, pressured by the words your mother had uttered just before she died.

“Find Ken–”

You didn’t know the full name. She’d died before she could finish but… but–

Kenny Ackerman.

That’s what the informant had said.

You knew nothing about him–you knew that.

You felt like you were crazy because there was no way, right? No way that the man who’d been hired to hunt you down, kidnap your friends… had killed your teammates… was your father… There's no way the man you’ve been searching for has been hunting you this entire time. It just couldn’t be possible.

Not to mention, the fact that his last name was Ackerman – the same as Mikasa. You’d seen the look on her face when she’d heard it, but you haven’t had the chance to say anything. Even if you had, what would you say? My last name might be Ackerman, too? Mikasa would probably think you crazy, especially since it wouldn’t answer any questions that must be swirling around in her own mind.

There was nothing to say because it was crazy. Absolutely insane.

He couldn’t be your father.

He just couldn’t be.

But why did your chest feel heavy and your stomach feel tight and your heart hurt? Why was there this nagging feeling in the back of your head? Why can’t you shake this feeling?

Why was everything telling you that he is?

Pressing your hands to your face, you ignore the feeling of eyes on you, knowing that Mikasa who sat across from you on the wagon is probably eyeing you in concern. You’ve seen the concerned glances she keeps sending you since the four of you had gotten onto this wagon. You hadn’t been allowed to ride horseback, both because of your arm and because there weren't enough horses so you’d been elected to join Mikasa, Levi, Hange and then Armin who was steering the wagon.

“Understand?”

Swallowing thickly, you glance up at Levi whose eyes are already on your own.

“He’s Kenny the Ripper,” he continues to explain, slowly letting his eyes drift from your own. “If he’s there, he’ll be our biggest obstacle. In terms of how much of a threat he is, equate him to me as an enemy. No… with those weapons of his, he’s deadlier than me.”

Kenny the Ripper… God–

Could your father really be that much of a merciless man?

“Then he’s unbeatable,” Sasha calls out with a shaky voice, “at least for us…”

Connie nods next to her; “if we could meet up with the troops–”

“Absolutely not,” Mikasa cuts in sharply.

“I know!” Connie instantly agrees, “absolutely not! If we wait until morning, Eren might end up getting eaten!”

“Though,” Armin says, “if what the captain said is true, it’s not like he has no weak points.”

“For real, Armin?” Jean asks, tilting his head back to glance at Armin.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I’m sure he’s trained plenty, but having combat experience is something else.”

Your heart twists as you hear them talk–hear the way they talk about this man, the fear in their voices… what would they think if they knew you might be related to him?

Would they… would they be scared of you too?

“I wonder, how is it that you lived with Kenny the Ripper but know almost nothing about him, Levi?” Hange asks, shaking their head in confusion as Levi who’s sat next to you.

Frowning, you turn to Levi, curious for his answer.

Levi, while explaining who Kenny was, had gone on to say he’d lived with him during his time in the Underground. Another mystery that had been tacked on to the confusion bubbling up in your head – just how many different lives had this man lived?

Father?

Caretaker?

Had your mother met him in the Underground? No. She'd never mentioned living there, besides, you knew it was almost impossible to get out of the Underground as well–not without selling your soul.

“Sorry,” Levi mumbles, “but I only found out his full name not too long ago. Apparently, it’s Kenny Ackerman.” At that, Levi turns his head to Mikasa; “he some relative of yours?”

Mikasa’s lips part, before her face falls; “I heard from my parents when they were alive that my dad’s side, the Ackermans, were persecuted in the cities. My mom’s family was Oriental, so being a different race meant they didn’t fit in anywhere. Both were people chased deep in the mountains near the edge of the walls, so that’s how they met and married. But I never found out why the Ackermans were persecuted. My dad didn’t seem like a different race like my mom was.”

“Has there ever been a moment where it’s felt like power suddenly awakened inside you?”

Body straightening, your eyes widen, glancing over at Levi.

That was like–

Anger burns through you, courses through your veins, and all coherent thought leaves your brain. All you can think is you want to kill it. You haven’t wanted to kill something, a titan, so bad since your mother and Ms. Schneider died. Since they’d been brutally murdered in front of you as well—

“There has,” Mikasa whispers.

“Kenny Ackerman had a moment like that, too,” Levi explains. “One time, out of nowhere, he felt an absurd amount of strength surging within him and he knew exactly what he had to do. I’ve felt moments like that, too.”

There’s a beat of silence, then you feel Levi’s eyes on you.

“Y/N.”

A lump forms in the back of your neck and you’re unable to ignore the fear welling in you as you slowly allow your eyes to drift next to you, meeting Levi’s gaze with a frown.

“Do you have something to say? You keep fidgeting.”

“I…” Your words trail, not sure what to say. Could you actually say it? What you feared? That this man, this Kenny the Ripper, might be your father?

That this unbeatable monster of a man might be the man you’ve been looking for?

Lips parting, your eyes dart around you, seeing Hange and Mikasa’s wide gazes on you, before your gaze drifts past, and somehow, your eyes find Jean’s. He’s already glancing back at you, eyes stuck on your own with confusion in his eyes; it’s clear he’s been listening in as you figured everyone else was too.

And the answer is clear then.

You didn’t want everyone to hear what you feared…

Not because you didn’t trust them but because… well, what would they think of you?

Shaking your head, you blink, gaze hardening as you turn back to Levi, ignoring the voice in the back of your head screaming at you to tell the truth as you answer him; “no, Captain. I don’t. Sorry.”

He stares back at you, gaze piercing and never wavering. It’s clear he doesn’t believe you, not a single bit, and by the scowl that curls onto his lips you know he wants to say something more, question you more but he doesn’t. Levi sends you one last look, before letting his gaze trail back ahead of himself, and the second his gaze is off of you, you let out a huff, slumping against the back of the wagon as you pull your knees to your chest, hugging yourself.

There was no way Kenny was your father.

Your mother had never finished what she was saying–and she’d been delirious! Maybe she hadn’t even meant what she said… she was sick, dying and afraid.

And that moment, when Faye had died… when you’d lost yourself and gone after Annie in her Titan form… that was nothing but a silly coincidence.

It had to be.

Johanna Y/L/N had met Kenny Ackerman when she was twenty-six working at a bar as a barmaid to help save money to move out into her own place. Kenny had been forty-three himself at the time, a few years after he’d left his nephew, Levi, in the Underground to fend for himself.

He’d walked into that bar that night at random. A mere walk out late night and the sign had caught his attention, eyes drifting lower and taking note of how busy the bar was. He’d he didn’t mind having a drink and he had nothing better else to do — so with a simple shrug, he’d slipped off his hat and made his way inside.

Johanna had been the first to greet him, with a wide smile and sparkling eyes, to which Kenny responded with a smirk of his own. The first words he’d ever said to Johanna had been said with a light chuckle; “thank you, darling. You’re definitely a pleasant sight to be welcomed with.”

The night had ended with her leaving with him.

Johanna wouldn’t say she fell in love with Kenny that night, God knows she’d barely known the man when he’d taken her to his home and the two of them had slipped into his room, hands all over each other, kissing, and while she’d admit she’d had a good night, when she’d slipped out the next morning, she hadn’t thought anything of it.

Kenny had been a passing thought on a random night of work and she’d never expected to see him again. Other than some light teases from a coworker who’d caught them leaving together once her shift was over, Johanna had simply forgotten about him.

“I’ll never see him again.” That’s what she said when her friend had asked, “but it was a good night.”

And then, she got pregnant.

Her parents had been distraught and angry when they found out, screaming and cussing at her and she’d been forced to leave her own home as a result. Alone, scared and now carrying a child, Johanna had found herself back at the home she’d spent the night at over a month ago. Truthfully, she hadn’t even known if Kenny would still be there. The few things she does remember from that one random night was that his home, or what she assumed was, had been bare—not any of the small touches one would find in someone’s home, like decorations, or clothes, or really anything.

Truthfully, she’d known nothing about him other than his first name, but she was completely alone, abandoned by her parents, without a roof to sleep under that night, and he was the only person she could think of that would maybe help her.

Surprisingly, Kenny had answered the door. The look on his face had been one of disbelief, obviously never having expected to see some woman he’d slept with over a month ago.

“I’m pregnant.”

Those words had left Johanna’s lips in the dead of the night, completely silent other than the heavy breaths leaving her lips, barely holding back the tears that desperately wanted to fall down her face. Kenny had stared at her for a minute before he finally stepped back, silently inviting her in.

And for about two months they had lived together. Two whole months of just the two of them, while Johanna’s belly grew bigger and bigger. Kenny disappeared regularly, sometimes for days on end, but Johanna never questioned what he did because she knew it wasn’t her place. Really, they never talked at all–not about anything important anyways. They were pleasant with each other, and he’d ask about the baby, if she was feeling alright, but that was about it.

They weren’t together — not in any romantic sense.

Johanna knew it wouldn’t last forever. She continued to work and save money with the hope that one day she’d be able to afford a place of her own; somewhere comfortable. Somewhere for her baby to grow up and live the life she knew her child deserved. She did this without ever saying anything because if she was being honest, she didn’t want it to happen.

She’d kept a secret because she hoped, despite the nerves, that maybe things would just stay this way. Even if he never loved her, even if she never moved him—maybe he’d continue to let her stay so that their baby would grow up with a mother and a father and loved.

But then, one day, in the middle of the night, Kenny had come home in a panic, eyes wild and breathless, slamming things around enough that it woke Johanna up. At first, she’d been panicked, thinking someone broke in, until the realization set in that it was Kenny coming home—he’d left shortly over a week ago and Johanna had been wondering when he was planning on returning home.

She’d walked into the room only to see him grabbing his things, his clothes and other miscellaneous things, barely noticing her standing in the door until she softly called his name.

He’d glanced back at her, still and silent for a moment, before grabbing the bag in his hands and walking right by her, all the way to the front door. The shock had only kept her still for a second before she felt her feet moving beneath her as she raced to stop him.

“But the baby…” She’d breathed, watching him with hurt eyes.

Kenny at least had the decency to stop. Shoulders rising and falling rapidly with his heavy breaths, as he glances at her over his shoulder.

“Our baby.”

He meets her eyes, lips parting, and it looks like he wants to say something but the silence follows so Johanna continues;

“I have this feeling,” she whispers, letting her hand drift across her belly as she smiles fondly down at it, trying to ignore the way her heart is racing at the thought of being left again. Or the way she feels like crying, screaming out into the air and begging him to stay. But she just continues to whisper, desperate for it to reach whatever part of his heart that had helped her the night she’d shown up at his door.

“I can’t explain it… but I feel like our baby is a girl.” Sniffling, Johanna raises her gaze, smiling through her tears at Kenny. “Our little girl. Our daughter… I’ve been thinking of names, you know? In my head, trying to find the perfect one… I think—I was going to ask you what you thought of Y/N?”

Kenny doesn’t say anything. Johanna doesn’t see the way his grip tightens on the door, nails digging into the wood.

“It’s a pretty name right?”

Inhaling sharply, Johanna takes a small step forward; “our little girl Y/N Ackerman. Because I have a feeling she’ll be a fighter like her father.”

Silence follows. Echoing, swallowing the room up. It feels like eternity before Kenny says something, does… anything.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he says before he steps through the door, letting it fall shut behind him.

He leaves that night. Johanna waits a month but Kenny never returns.

She saves up enough money to move into a place of her own, and having no one waiting for her, she leaves. All she leaves behind is a single letter but she doubts Kenny will ever find it; ever go back looking for her. Before, he’d never been gone longer than two weeks, and although it hurts, makes Johanna feel like her heart has been ripped into two–her priority is her child.

So she leaves and never turns back.

Kenny never reaches out to her. Never tries to find her. Johanna gives birth seven months after he’d walked out on her to a beautiful baby girl, named Y/N Y/L/N and Johanna refuses to ever tell her daughter about her father; about Kenny. She’s spiteful, bitter. Johanna didn’t love Kenny and she never expected Kenny to love her either, but she expected him to love you.

She expected him to be there for you.

To be a part of your life.

So, Johanna stays true to herself and never says anything; despite how many times you ask, despite the look of longing in your eyes as you watch other children run up to their fathers, giggling and loving. You’ll be in less pain this way, she thinks. Never having to know that your father chose to abandon you.

That is, until you are ten and your mother dies in your arms and Johanna has the striking fear now that you’ll be all alone. You have no one else.

So, she finally utters the name she’d refused to speak for ten years.

But she doesn’t finish before her final breath.

Kenny Ackerman has not thought of you once since he left your mother that day.

The second that door was slammed shut behind him, he vowed to never think about you or Johanna ever again. And he doesn’t. He moves on, he continues on, not once thinking of you, not once having the wish to see you. He doesn’t keep track of how old you might be or what you may be learning and doing.

He never seeks you out.

He doesn’t think of you.

Years later, Kenny doesn’t remember ever having a daughter.

Until now.

The sight of Hange hurt causes anger to rush through you, watching with what feels like red vision as they get swung into one of the pillars and knocked to the ground.

Time seems to slow as everyone freezes, what had been a room full of combat and movement completely stills, terror flooding as you all watch with bated breath. And that’s all it takes. The advantage turns against you and your friends as Kenny’s people are able to gain the advantage and create distance so they’re able to retreat and regroup.

Seconds before Hange had been hurt, you’d been heading straight to Levi for one sole reason–where Levi was, Kenny seemed to follow.

The second you’d seen him swing in, you knew he was the Kenny Levi had been talking about. Mainly because Kenny had not gone for anyone else other than Levi and although you didn’t know everything, you’d know that if Kenny would attack anyone, it’d be your captain. So you’d stuck close and waited.

Because Kenny was your goal.

You needed to know.

And now, just as you’d been about to reach him, Hange’s gotten hurt and they’re all retreating and–

“Shit,” you curse, eyes flickering past Levi, watching as Kenny slips further and further away.

You act before thinking. Clicking your ODM gear into action to race after him, before your body is collided with another, slamming you back as a cry leaves your lips and the sound of a gun blowing off echoes.

“Y/N!”

It’s Levi.

It takes you a second to process what had happened.

Levi is hovering over you, and your head turns to the left, catching sight of the woman who’d hurt Hange glancing in your direction, her gun pointed where you’d been seconds before Levi had knocked you out of the way.

She must’ve seen you moving towards Kenny and had acted.

But as your head turns to the right, in the direction you’d meant to go, you catch Kenny’s gaze. He’s far away enough that you have to squint to properly see him–but it’s clear he’s looking directly at you. You can’t make out his face, not clearly, but you feel his eyes on you, watching you.

The determination to reach his bubbles up in your chest all over again.

“Get off,” you cry, trying to get out from the tight grip Levi has on you.

You need to get to Kenny.

This was your only chance.

“Back down, Y/N! Now!”

You let out a growl, fighting him, but Levi holds fast, grip pinching, the tips of his fingers digging into your arm as he struggles back against you.

“That’s an order!”

Huffing, you turn to Levi, eyes narrowed; but your face falls when you see the look on his face.

He doesn’t look angry or annoyed like you’d expected. There’s no scowl on his face as he stares back at you. Instead, there’s a deep frown on his lips, one of confusion and concern as he tries to stop you from running off to what will surely be your own suicide.

“Listen to me,” he orders, voice booming as he glances down at you, pressing you back against the wall; “Hange is hurt, we’ve lost the element of surprise. We need to retreat and find a way to Eren. If you go off on your own, you will get yourself killed.”

He looks panicked, you realize somewhere along the way. Genuinely scared. A look you’ve never once seen on Levi’s face and it knocks you to your senses, the tension in your muscles loosening as you stare back at him.

Chest heaving, you lean back, letting your eyes drift past his shoulder to the right once more.

Kenny’s gone.

“Is that clear?”

Swallowing thickly, you meet his gaze.

“Can I trust you to follow your orders, Y/N? Can we?”

He finally lets go, leaning back enough that you can sit up, gesturing behind him to the rest of your friends. Armin and Mikasa have moved towards Hange directly below you, and from the distance you can see Sasha and Connie, frowning your way. It isn’t until your eyes fall on Jean, him having already been looking at you, does all the fight finally leave your body.

Slumping, you nod over at Levi; “yes, Captain. I-I… I’m sorry.”

Levi nods, helping you up but otherwise doesn’t say anything else before jumping off to where Hange is.

With one last glance where Kenny was, you follow after Levi.

“Our little girl. Our daughter… I’ve been thinking of names, you know? In my head, trying to find the perfect one… I think—I was going to ask you what you thought of Y/N?”

Letting out a curse, Kenny shakes his head.

You were the spitting image of Johanna. Even if he had refused to think of either of you, Johanna’s face had never quite left Kenny’s mind–like a taunt in the back of his head that he wasn’t completely conscious of or aware of but the second he’d heard that name and seen your face, Kenny had known.

You were his daughter.

“It’s a pretty name, right? Our little girl Y/N Ackerman. Because I have a feeling she’ll be a fighter like her father.”

“Fuck!”

Landing on his feet, Kenny presses his hands to his face, tugging at his hair. This was ridiculous! What were the odds you’d be here, now? Why were you here? Why were you with Levi?

Figures you’d be a Scout. Figures you’d end up working under his nephew.

The world must hate him for fate to have worked like that.

That, or it was his karma for what he’d done.

Leaving Johanna that day… leaving you… never having ever come back for you.

Slamming his hand against the wall, Kenny lets his eyes fall shut, taking in what details he could remember of you, the brief look he’d managed to get at you. The anger in your eyes as you’d stared back at him had been undebatable.

Did… did you know who he was?

No. That wasn’t possible.

You’d never come looking for him before, why would now be the time?

You couldn’t know.

Pushing himself up, Kenny shakes his head. This was ridiculous. What did it matter that the daughter he hadn't even known looked like until this day was here? He’d never cared about you before and why should now be any different?

Sticking to the plan was important.

Yeah.

Achieving what he’d set out to achieve–that was important.

He’d never been a father to you and he didn’t expect to start now.

She’s not my daughter.

That’s right. You weren’t. You never had been.

And you never will be.

#aot #aot x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein x reader #jean x reader #levi ackerman #eren jaeger

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michainabox · 3 months

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Okay so I’m revisiting Undertale after a long time and I just have to say this. This is a very very long post.

I don’t know if I should tag this? But uh. I guess I go a little in depth with Flowey and the major spoilers of Undertale, have a brush of a spoiler for In Stars and Time, and just major ramblings.

Flowey somewhat unsettles me.

And I don’t mean fear or scary enough that it distresses me, I mean truly unsettles me in an uncomfortable sense where I have to take a step back to analyze.

Like. Yes that’s the point, he is suppose to be an unsettling character. But my thing is, it is hard to unsettle me. You can ask my partner and anyone I know, I consume a lot of horror media. It is hard to unsettle me, or make me uncomfortable with certain things. And with games? Even harder. There has only been a couple of times where media has unsettled me that I can count only three instances of this.

The book Hell Followed with Us by Andrew Joseph White (had to unpack a lot of my religious trauma with that book. Good read though.)

Act 5 of In Stars and Time because I related a bit to much to Siff’s breakdown and the fact that you can’t stop it no matter how much you wanted too. You were powerless to do anything. You just have to sit and watch and follow.

And then of course. Flowey. The character himself.

What spurred this ramble Micha? Well. I’ll tell you.

We find out that before Frisk had fallen, Flowey had enough determination in that stupid little flower body to reset the timelines himself. Without the souls, he still had the powers of a god, but it was limited much like Frisk. He has reset hundreds, if not thousands of times. He says that he has tried anything and everything to change the variables. Maybe doing little things like planting ideas into monsters heads, or bigger things. (After all if anything goes wrong he can always reset.)

But nothing could change.

No matter what he did, it never mattered.

It never worked.

It would drive people insane.

And then Frisk shows up. And Flowey doesn’t have the power to reset anymore. Instead, this little kid with a red soul (and the same fashion sense of his dead sibling) shows up and destroys everything. And if you go with the pacifist route. Doesn’t head the lesson of kill or be killed.

And it start to work out for Frisk. It also works in Flowey’s favor too. We can imagine that Frisk is the first ever child to face Asgore for the first time since he started to collect human souls, and Frisk has the power to come back, Frisk even reminds Asgore how many times he has killed them. And Flowey watches as Frisk can either spare or kill Asgore in the final moments. But the players choice doesn’t matter.

Because Flowey was waiting for this opportunity. With the souls unguarded, he can use them. And of course, he can practically torture Frisk until he is ready to claim their soul. And even after all of that, you can choose to kill Flowey or grant him mercy. And he doesn’t understand if you do give him mercy. Because for him, it really is killed or be killed.

(I also have my own theory or analysis for the phone call and where Frisk went after the neutral ending, but that’s another post if anyone is interested in my thoughts.)

Anyways. After the phone call he pops up again, and here is where the unsettling part comes in.

He plants the idea in the Frisk/Player’s head that there is another way. That they didn’t truly save their friends, they didn’t truly save themselves.

And Flowey knows Frisk would try anything to get that happy ending.

Because we would want to find out what that happy ending looks like. Because it’s human nature to be curious and want something better.

He preys upon that and uses it to only serve as his own stepping stone. He isn’t even sure it will work. But he does that anyways. Because if your playing pacifist he sees the fact that Frisk took the time to befriend and spare all the monsters.

Flowey isn’t unsettling because he can change his face, wants to kill Frisk, and even attempted and succeeded multiple times.

It’s the fact that while he says he is soulless, that he can’t understand why he is being spared, he learned just enough to prey on that human nature to get what he ultimately wants.

That’s what ultimately unsettles me about him.

(If anyone has any questions about my thoughts or other theories just ask. I love rambling)

(Note. I edited it slightly to fit in more with the games because of some issues I had with misremembering events)

#undertale #mentions of #in stars and time #character analysis #flowey #flowey undertale #not saying he is evil #maybe a little asshole #but he is interesting #i love his character so much #even when unsettling #rambles #isat spoilers #very mild

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maybe-im-dark · 1 day

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🐺 Victor Creed in X-Men Origins: Wolverine: The Beast Who Refuses to Be Broken 🐺

Alright, y'all, it’s time to talk about one of the most complex, raw, and tragically misunderstood characters in the X-Men universe: Victor Creed, aka Sabretooth, in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This man is not just the “bad guy” or the “savage brother.” He’s a walking, talking embodiment of what it means to embrace the animal within, to survive by any means necessary, and to reject the very idea of being human. Let's get into it because this man is more than claws and fangs—he's the manifestation of what happens when you choose to be a monster to protect yourself from the world. 🧵✨

1. Victor’s Mutation: The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Him

Victor’s feral mutation didn’t just emerge—it saved him. As a child, he grew up in an environment of violence, abuse, and fear, with his father Thomas Logan being the embodiment of that brutality. And when those claws and fangs finally emerged? It wasn’t just a mutation—it was freedom. It was power. For the first time in his life, Victor had the means to defend himself, to fight back, to be something other than a victim.

His mutation wasn’t just a gift—it was a lifeline. It became a part of his identity, a source of strength that allowed him to confront his abuser and say, “You don’t own me anymore.” Can you imagine how liberating that must have felt? For a boy who was always afraid to suddenly have the power to defend himself? It’s no wonder he embraced it so completely. It wasn’t just power; it was survival. It was proof that he could never be broken again.

Key Point: Victor’s claws and fangs were more than just weapons—they were his armor, his shield against a world that had always hurt him. They were the only thing standing between him and a life of endless pain.

2. “Become Like Me, Brother” – The Call to Embrace the Beast

Victor wants Logan to give in to the animal inside because, for him, it’s the only way to survive. He sees Logan struggling, fighting against his primal urges, trying so hard to be “good,” to be human. And to Victor, that’s weakness. Because the moment you start to care, the moment you try to be anything other than a beast, you make yourself vulnerable. And Victor? He never wants to feel vulnerable again.

To him, the animal is freedom. It’s power. It’s the ability to take what you want, to protect yourself, to never be at the mercy of anyone or anything. He genuinely believes that if Logan would just let go—if he’d stop fighting and give in to the rage, the hunger, the feral instinct—then he’d be unstoppable. They’d be unstoppable. Brothers in blood and in the wild, untamed by society’s rules.

But what Victor doesn’t understand is that Logan’s fight to remain human is exactly what makes him strong. It’s not about denying the beast; it’s about finding the balance. And that’s something Victor can never accept because, deep down, he’s terrified of what it means to be human.

Key Point: Victor’s desperation for Logan to join him isn’t just about wanting a partner in crime—it’s about validating his own choices. If Logan gives in, then Victor doesn’t have to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to become a monster.

3. “Being a Man Means Being Vulnerable” – Victor’s Fear of Humanity

Victor’s biggest fear isn’t death or pain—it’s being human. Because being human means owning up to your actions, facing the consequences, and acknowledging the pain you’ve caused. It means caring about people, letting them in, and risking the possibility that they might hurt you. And that’s something Victor can’t handle.

He’s spent his entire life building this wall of savagery, violence, and primal instinct to protect himself from ever feeling weak, scared, or helpless again. In his mind, being a man means accepting that you’re not all-powerful, that you’re capable of making mistakes, of feeling pain, of being hurt. And Victor would rather die than let himself be that vulnerable again.

So he embraces the beast, the monster, because it’s easier to be something people fear than something people can hurt. And that’s why he’s so desperate to make Logan see things his way. He doesn’t want to be alone in his darkness. He doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s been running from himself for so long that he’s forgotten what it means to be anything other than a monster.

Key Point: Victor’s fear isn’t of being beaten—it’s of being seen. Of having to confront the scared, angry boy who still lives inside him, the one who learned to bare his fangs because it was the only way to survive.

4. The Tragedy of Victor Creed: The Man Who Chose the Monster

Victor Creed isn’t just a villain—he’s a tragic figure. He’s a man who believed that power was the only way to protect himself, that embracing the beast was the only way to be strong. And in doing so, he’s lost everything that made him human. He’s pushed away the one person who could truly understand him, all because he’s terrified of what it means to care, to feel, to be vulnerable.

He doesn’t hate Logan—he envies him. He envies the fact that Logan still tries to be good, still fights to be more than just his claws and fangs. And that’s why Victor pushes him, taunts him, tries to drag him down into the darkness. Because if Logan can hold onto his humanity, then what excuse does Victor have for letting go of his?

Key Point: Victor’s journey is the ultimate cautionary tale about what happens when you let fear, pain, and anger define you. He chose to be the monster because it was easier than facing the man in the mirror.

The Bottom Line: Victor Creed is the Animal Who Refused to Be Tamed

Victor isn’t just feral—he’s the embodiment of what happens when you stop fighting against the darkness inside you and let it consume you. He’s a reminder that sometimes, being a monster feels safer than being human. But at what cost? In rejecting his humanity, Victor has isolated himself, condemned himself to a life of loneliness, rage, and endless bloodshed.

And that’s the tragedy of Victor Creed. He’s not evil because he wants to be—he’s evil because it’s the only way he knows how to survive. And until he’s ready to face the fear and pain that turned him into a monster, he’ll never be anything more than the beast he so desperately clings to.

---

TL;DR: Victor Creed is the embodiment of what it means to embrace the darkness, to find power in being feral and untamed. He’s a man who chose to be a monster because it meant never being vulnerable again. And that’s why he pushes Logan to join him—because he’s terrified of being alone in the darkness he’s built around himself.

#hugh jackman #wolverine #liev schreiber #xmen origins #xmen origins wolverine #victor creed #sabretooth #tragic villain #character analysis #marvel

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aphilayx · 1 year

Text

Ruby suffers a lot

Sometimes I feel that some people don’t understand how much Ruby suffers just because she wasn’t physically injured.

She lost her mom when she was young, less than 5, and probably hid her feelings about that; if we listen to Red likes roses pt2 and what Yang said to Blake in vol 2 ep 6, “Ruby was really torn up, but I think she was still too young to really get what’s going on”.

Then Beacon fell, and the death of Penny and Pyrrha, she tried to save them, but she wasn’t fast enough; she only saw their last breath. She also saw Roman dies. She regretted leaving Yang, and she lost her team in a way.

During the journey with JNR, Ruby is almost captured by Tyrian. Qrow was poisoned “because” of her, and she regrets dragging JNR with her because of the danger.

At Heaven, she was scared that Cinder would kill Jaune as she did for Pyrrha; Ruby couldn’t do anything to help her friends and Weiss, who was impaled because she was unconscious most of the fight.

Then they learned the truth about Salem and Ozpin; she had to support all her team, plus Qrow and Oscar, to not give up and die inside a farm where she probably had a nightmare.

At Atlas, everyone puts pressure on her by saying they’ll follow her lead. When it was okay, she saw Tyrian kills many people, and she couldn’t do anything again. In some way, Salem tells her that she killed her mother, and they have to “betray” Ironwood.

Yang reproaches Ruby that her plan failed (that does not make her a bad sister), then “because” of her plan, Nora is injured, and Penny loses a sword.

Later they fight the hound; they find out that there is a silver-eyed-warriors in it. Meaning that her mom could be one and that if Tyrian wanted to capture her was because Salem probably wished to transform her into one, meaning that she could become a monster and try to kill her friends. Penny asked her to kill her because of the virus Arthur Watts put in her, thanks to the sword she lost sooner.

Yang fell because she protected her, and Blake also fell, trying to save her. They fell “because” of her. Then she learned that Penny had died again. (wait till she knows that it’s Jaune who killed her).

She can’t help her team because she lost Crescent Rose. She doesn’t know who she is anymore. She gives up her emblem (she regrets it instantly if you look at her posture and expression). Then she learned that Jaune too fell, and now he’s old.

And she leads a war against an immortal witch.

All of this is because her plan failed.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 9 spoilers #ruby rose #weiss schnee #Blake Belladonna #yang xiao long #Jaune Arc

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shallowseeker · 8 months

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Hey shall, what's your favourite/fun headcanons on why cas keeps getting resurrected at first I tought it was cause god/chuck liked him (like remember when ppl in the destiel fandom talked about how chuck ships them... good times) Then yea, that just didn't turn out to be true lol

Ohh, this is fun. I have some nice uplifting ones and one very evil one. I could probably come up with a ton of these, and I'm not feeling super eloquent this week, but have my mental popcorn instead:

CHUCK/NETWORK NEEDED CAS -> Popularity ...and it bit Chuck in the ass because he accidentally allowed Cas to grow more and more powerful, even when he (and the writers) worked so hard to weaken him and kill him off. I don't have the exact quotes, but I know there are numerous instances that imply the writers worked hard to weaken Cas.

When the writers have to work to make Cas weaker, and to make Dean and Sam stronger, it shows that Cas is the bigger threat, in terms of cosmic power.

Emotional consequences: Because Cas is important to Dean, Cas is often resurrected specifically because Dean loses hope without him. After his first death, Cas literarily functions as The Lost Husband/The Animal Bridegroom/The Artificial Husband for Dean specifically. Unlike characters like Sam's Amelia (season 8), Dean is obsessed with clinging to his loved ones, saying to CAS: "I did not leave you!" and to NAOMI through CAS: "Take it! But you're gonna have to kill me first. Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!" In his insistance to look for Cas in Purgatory and keep not giving up on Cas, he sets himself apart from his many mirrors. He's a lot like the human consort in many of the “supernatural spouse” tales, brave and insistent in his trials, even when death separates him from his lover. NOTE: Amelia Novak also becomes a heroine in this regard when she decided to go looking for her "lost husband," Jimmy Novak but becoming ensnared and dies in season 10. ANYWAY, Dean and Cas tend to die when the other isn't around, and they both get so depressed it makes for pretty abysmal watching. Chuck doesn't like Cas, but he needs Cas because Dean needs Cas. Dean won't behave unless he has Cas with him. DEAN from 13x03: "This life, hunting, monsters, there’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death." And DEAN from 13x05: BILLIE: Maybe you’re not that guy anymore, they guy who saves the world, the guy who always thinks he’ll win no matter what. You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it but you know you won’t, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you. Or… am I wrong? DEAN: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.

///

TETHERED TO A BROTHER or TWIN -> Functions as a thrown lifeline; i.e. one shield must fall before the other can

Not Cas-specific, but so long as your "tethered" twin is alive you cannot die. We see this with Amara and Chuck, that taking out Chuck requires killing Amara. This appears often in SPN, like with Charlie and There's No Place Like Home and the Wizard. It makes you wonder if Michael and Lucifer are similar. If you squint, Chuck does not seem able to kill Michael in 15x19 until after Lucifer has been killed. Makes you wonder if that was his intent on having them kill each other all along. That by having one kill the other, he could finally take out the son-rivals, as in the style of archetypical God-father who, because of their immortality, sees sons as threat to power. So what does that mean for Cas? Not sure, but he could be tethered to an angel that's still living. Maybe jack himself? (Or Dean's soul, for that matter.) It's assumed that Jack wakes up Cas, but there's juicy potential for it to have been Dean doing it all along, something Jack tapped into when Dean was screaming in grief during the Sam fight: DEAN: He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t! [JACK looks distressed outside the room.] JACK: Castiel. [JACK’S eyes glow gold.]

///

MANY OF CHUCK'S REBELLIOUS CHILDREN ARE ACTUALLY CURSED TO BE RISING-AND-DYING GODS

As to quote Gabriel, "they are like cancer," he has to eradicate them, as they represent wars of old which are no longer needed. I know the rising-and-dying deity motif is something of a modern configuration, but since it appears in Remember the Titans, you have to wonder if this is a nature intrinsic to Cas himself. As angels are unable to sleep, they are unable to die. From 8x16: ZEUS: Tell me, has Prometheus experienced the child's death yet? [HAYLEY gives a nod.] How did he take it? Did he hurt? [HAYLEY nods again.] Good. ...I never get tired of watching you die. [ZEUS, holding SHANE up, says it right into his ear.] Your boy is going on the mountain. (Interestingly, the mountain forward-references to the episode Moriah.) From 14x08: COSMIC ENTITY: Stop interrupting! Start paying attention. I'm taking him. And where I'm taking you is worse than Hell… because at least Hell is something. Ohh. Ohh, God, they look scared. Does that hurt you? Good… because I want it to. In this interpretation, the Shadow is a higher God, and it has cursed Castiel for helping humanity the same way Prometheus helped humanity. It uses similar linguistics!

///

EVIL CAS/SHADOW MEANING -> God's most trusted double agent

Cas is resurrected by Chuck because he's secretly an intractable agent of Chuck, God's most trusted, analogues to how Ruby was "the best of those sons of bitches." This would take on a Christian overtone, that Chuck and Jack are the same person. Evil interpretation where Cas having been an agent of Fate all along. With this shadow meaning, "Cas helped" from 15x20 becomes especially ominous. But there's also "it's not the bait, it's the fish, I think they're beginning to anticipate me" from 15x06 right after Dean accuses him of being "the something that always goes wrong." There's something eerie in the idea that Chuck and Jack are in fact the same person, and Castiel is loyal to Him above all. "This lie won't hurt them," from Gimme Shelter etc etc. This would make Dean, like Sally in "Last Call" the real symbolic fish. If hunting is recklessness, fishing is patience, and Cas/God/Jack were being patient and fishing Dean's soul all along, baiting him with Love. Cas as a honey trap is a frightening thought, honestly, and although I don't prefer this shadow interpretation, it IS scary if someone wanted to explore it or have Dean simply fear this possibility, you know? Dean has an inherent fear of large powers, like Godstiel, and Jack's power, and he's right to fear it. At the end of the story, Cas and Jack are the only main characters still alive, so there's a real possibility that it is Cas who won the long game, not Chuck.

edit - there’s also cas has a soul theory, that he cannot sleep in the empty the sand way jack becomes aware of heaven in byzantium

#asks #cas and mortality #cas stuff #immortality

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girldragongizzard · 24 days

Text

Chapter 2: Mild complications

Because of my new communication issues, although I do get the full hour, it’s a shorter counseling session than I’m used to. Fewer questions and fewer responses, because it just takes me longer to say fewer words.

And that’s OK by me, really.

My mind is on other things.

Apparently, my counselor has been waiting on the edge of her seat for me to come out as trans to her. She’d figured it out on the second day, years ago. And just patiently waited.

But she does have to point out that now that I’ve got a draconic metabolism and a draconic neurology, I’m no longer disabled in the same way as I was before when I originally filed my claim. And, all the testing that needs to be done periodically to maintain the claim is going to come up with different or even unreadable results. But she also reminds me that there’s some time to figure this out.

My next disability review is not for a year and a half. And maybe somebody can figure out how to list “dragon” as a development of my original diagnoses of CFS/PEM and C-PTSD.

On the other hand, I feel great now, and I’ve got all sorts of confidence I didn’t have before, and maybe I can find a job.

The idea of getting a job as a dragon sounds like it’s completely counter to the point of being one, though.

I can’t quite figure out how to justify it, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to work in order to eat whatever I want and sleep wherever I want.

“No knights,” I say.

“What do you mean by that?” she asks.

“No more knights,” I elaborate. “I can be dragon.”

She rocks back in her chair and purses her lips at me. “I don’t think it works that way,” she says. “Besides, how do you know there aren’t any knights anymore?”

I snort and grunt, and then rumble subaudibly to humans. She might be able to feel it in her chest.

“What do you think the police are?” she asks. “Or. I have a trans client who identifies as a monster, and they’ve pointed out that transphobes are basically the modern monster slayers. They think of themselves as knights in shining armor, out to save humanity from the monstrosity of trans people. And you’ve just told me that you’re trans, too, right, Meghan?”

I jerk my head up a couple times like I’ve seen iguanas do on T.V. I don’t really know what it means, of course, but it feels like the right thing to do.

“Anyway, I think this is just something you should consider,” my counselor says. “I’m here to help you figure out how to do what you feel you need to do. I’m not going to push you to do something that’s outside of your nature, OK?”

I try bobbing my head like a bearded dragon. And it works better than I expected. I meant it as an expression of frustration, and I am starting to feel frustrated and stressed. But the repeated movement is soothing. I find myself doing three more sets of it, it feels so good.

“Is that nodding?” she asks. “Are you agreeing?”

I turn my head to the side and knuckle the “no” on my tablet screen. “No,” it says.

“What does the head bobbing mean?”

I knuckle out the response, “Feels good.”

“Oh, like how rocking feels to some autistic people,” she says.

I smile.

“Well, our time is up,” she declares. “I just want to tell you that you can take your time to figure things out. It’s OK. But it feels like you’ve made a huge breakthrough here, and I’m really excited to see what you can do now.”

I cannot figure out if she’s referring to me coming out as trans or that I’m actually a dragon. But I don’t want to ask, either. It doesn’t really matter to me, and I’m pretty focused on going flying.

So I smile some more, then pick up my tablet and put it into my purse. Then I bob my head a couple more times and turn to leave.

“See you same time next week?” she asks.

I squawk cheerfully over my shoulder.

This side of her door has a lever for the knob, so I pull down on that and push it open, stepping out into the waiting room.

There’s a man (I think) in one of the chairs there, reading his phone.

He looks up at me briefly, and seems to decide I’m nothing special and goes back to his phone. He doesn’t move until my counselor calls him in.

I can fit in the elevator, but I go to the stairwell anyway. Something about being stuck in a box with no exits I can push myself through makes me feel panicky now.

—

When I say that I go flying, what I actually mean is that I go to a park with a playground, climb to the top of the play equipment, and leap off of it.

From twelve feet above the ground, I glide as far as I can and try steering a little as I go. And then I repeat it.

I’m practicing as safely as I can.

I yearn to go much higher, and really get around. But I just don’t know what I’m capable of yet, and I don’t know how to do it.

It’s like I’m a fledgling without parents, and I’ve gotta figure all this out myself.

But it’s pretty damn cool, because I can tell my wings are capable of catching a hell of a lot of air, and it isn’t much of a strain at all to hold them out and rigid as I fall and put my weight on them. I’m built to do this, at least.

The second part of my routine is to run out into the field and prance around, leaping into the air and flapping my wings to see how much lift I can generate.

I’ve only been at this a few days, and getting the hang of it is surprisingly hard. There’s a skill to moving more air with a downstroke than with an upstroke. And it seems like it should be intuitive. I’ve seen slow motion videos of bats in action. I understand the principle, I think. But I’m using a whole set of limbs I didn’t have before.

I suspect that if I was a wyvern, with my arms having become my wings, it would be easier. But I’ve got four legs, a set of wings, and a tail. And though my neurology does seem to be designed for that, and I can move them all without much confusion, I think I’m too distracted by the newness of it and overthinking everything.

Anyway, there are children in the park, along with their parents, and they're all running around me and cheering me on as I try to learn how to fly. And every time I get more altitude, they shout variations of, “Yes!” and “You can do it!”

And if this is what my life is now, I’ll take it, even if I never figure out actual flying.

But as I glide softly to the ground after making my highest assisted leap yet, I notice a police officer sauntering past the park, watching me with casual suspicion. He’s giving me a look that says he feels like he is in such a position of power that he doesn’t have to tense a single muscle, but he’s going to watch my every move anyway because that’s what he’s there to do.

And I find that I hate it.

I’ve never had anyone look at me this way before, and it’s so insulting.

Unfortunately, my head jerks to a new position with every shift of my visual focus, so I feel like it’s impossible to avoid telegraphing that I’m staring back. But my own gaze doesn’t seem to phase him.

While he’s there, though, I keep doing what I’m doing and try not to let him get to me.

But now I’m asking myself if police even get training on how to deal with a dragon. I’ve never seen any news stories about other dragons. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in the world right now, despite how everyone seems to take me in stride.

I wish I had the nerve to brazenly walk up to him and pointedly ask. But he’s got a gun, and I don’t think my scales are that armored, and I haven’t tried breathing fire yet. So, I don’t have the nerve, because it’s a scary idea.

So I try to focus on the excitement of the kids, and giving them more of what they obviously want, pushing myself higher and higher.

But after three more jumps, I decide I do need to go somewhere else.

I bow to the kids, like a playful dog, by way of a thank you, then turn and bolt off.

A couple of bounds with all four legs, and then I’m up to speed and running with just my hind legs, forelegs pulled up to my breast, and using my wings for balance. I’m really just trying to ride the excitement of the moment to make a dramatic exit in the direction of another park, but then my wings feel like they need to move.

I pull them up quickly and then stretch them out and pull them down and I’m up in the air about a yard. And then it happens again, and I do it again. And again and again and again. And I’m flying right over a line of trees, a smattering of cars, and an antique shop.

And that’s when I realize I can see thermals.

It’s something I was able to see while wandering around on the ground. But I didn’t have the proper context for it there. In the air, however, it’s obvious.

And I can’t describe exactly what it looks like, because there’s no human analog and no real language for it.

The air has a color. And it’s different where the thermals are.

And once you hit one and feel it lifting you up, you can associate the right color with feel of it happening, and easily recognize it elsewhere. And aim for them.

And it turns out I think I may have instincts for flying after all.

—

I’ve got a few more hours until my cleaning date with Rhoda, and I realize that I haven’t eaten lunch yet. Except I still feel full from eating half the contents of my fridge yesterday.

Food sounds lovely if it were to present itself in an easy to acquire form, but maybe I don’t actually need it right now.

Instead, I decide to settle down atop the roof of the transit center and do some people watching.

Only, I remember, just as I’m alighting near the edge of the building, that there are usually cops hanging around this place.

And, sure enough, the movement of one of them pointing me out to their partner draws my eye, and I recognize them for what they are immediately. They both shield their eyes as they look up at me, and then one of them pulls at their radio and talks into it.

I decide to leave.

Maybe, when I’m walking around the streets, and meeting people face to face, or having fun in a park, a dragon is just another kind of person to everyone. Maybe even to the police.

But people aren’t supposed to climb or land on government buildings. So maybe I shouldn’t do that?

It’s a shame, because perching on buildings is something I’ve always wanted to do.

I wonder if a private building would be OK, but decide that the way the cops were looking at me, it probably wouldn’t be. They’d find a way to decide it’s not OK.

Then I wonder if by flying around the city am I breaking any sort of aircraft ordinances.

I mean, I’m not an aircraft. I’m a dragon. A living being. And a person. But I might be considered a hazard, like for drones or something.

This line of thinking really annoys me.

So I decide to go get some more coffee.

Maybe the stuff is really bad for me now, but I'll be damned if I give it up. And so far it hasn't made me feel sick.

I go and land in front of my coffee shop and amble through the door, using my muzzle to press down on the thumb latch and my forehead to push the door inward. It closes on its own behind me, so I drag my tail against it to keep it relatively open until I'm clear.

Now comes the tricky part.

I've been buying coffee with my card, which I'd been carrying in my mouth. But now that's in my purse, and it's much harder for me to fish it out of there than my tablet.

So, I saunter up to the counter, looking at Jill and Cerce, who are on shift today. Then I pull out my tablet and put it in my mouth. And I use my mouth to place it carefully on the counter, because I don't trust my claws to have the finesse to do that gracefully.

Then I rear up and put the knuckles of one claw against the bottom edge of the tablet. And carefully use my other index claw at the top of the tablet to press the power button.

Then I knuckle open the AAC app and select the word, “Help.”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Jill exclaims, stepping forward to watch me work.

Cerce steps up to look over her left shoulder.

“Credit card in purse,” I say, proud of the ease with which I found those words. “I cannot.”

The voice I've chosen for the app sounds like a stuffy British woman. And it pleases me to hear it. She sounds almost as old as I am. Though, it's really a voice synthesizer, so she's definitely younger. I was born before voice synthesizers were a thing, I think. The ones that were around when I was a welp were really crummy.

Cerce says, “Oh, don't worry about it,” waving a hand. “We'll cover you today.”

I tilt my head.

“Your usual, right?” Jill asks.

“Yes.”

“Can we get you anything else?”

I stare at the screen of my tablet for a bit, and don't feel like taking the time for a full sentence, so I search for the one relevant word and hit that, “Name.”

“Oh, you want a new name?”

“No.”

Cerce nudges her and says, “No silly, she has a new name and she wants us to change it in our system!”

“Oh, of course!” Jill beams at me.

But I'm too distracted by trying to figure out how Cerce knew about my pronoun change to answer right away. I've tilted my head the other way and pushed it further, as if by doing so I might be able to see into her mind. I can't.

“So, what’s your new name, Sweetie?” Jill asks.

I pull myself out of my wonder, and go back to my tablet. The app does have a keyboard for this kind of situation. I use it to say, “Meghan.”

“Oh, that’s a good name for you! You seem like Meghan,” Jill says as Cerce gets to work on my drink. “Same last name?”

I hadn't considered that.

I don’t have a lot of feelings about my legal last name. I never hated my family, but I was never really attached to them either. It's like there's a history that isn't even there, and I could reminisce about it, but I don't want to hold up the line.

A quick flick of my head and I see that there's no one behind me.

Remembering my conversation with Rhoda earlier this morning, I decide on something and take the time to type out, “the Dragon.”

“Oh, of course,” Jill grins and goes to enter that into the shop's computer.

While she's doing that, I take the time to compose a complete sentence.

“Cerce, how did you know my pronoun?” I ask.

“What was that?” she asks, turning off the steam wand.

I hit the repeat button, “Cerce, how did you know about my pronoun?”

She wrinkles her nose and squints at me, like she can't believe I even asked that, but then says, “The way you first reacted when we used your old name the other day was my first clue. But I didn’t figure it out then. But today, you're carrying yourself differently. Lighter, happier. And you've got a way to tell us your new name and you are downright giddy about it. And I guess it could have been they/them or xe/xyr, or even it/its, but she/her just kind of slipped out. It felt right. Like the whole dragon thing. It's you.”

So, I'm not only outwardly a dragon, but I'm obviously a girl dragon to people. I'm a trans girl dragon, and I'm not getting misgendered like other trans people do this early in their transition.

I'm having another moment where this all feels like it has to be a dream. But my dreams are always way more frustrating than this.

Whatever is going on, it's my literal childhood dream come true, and it's really not fair to anyone else.

Why do I get to experience this and nobody else?

Am I really the only one?

If there's a way to find out, how would I go about looking for it?

Well, I'm quickly getting better at this AAC thing. And if I take my time to compose my questions beforehand I can ask some pretty sophisticated things. The app allows me to save them, so I can ask them later.

I decide to spend my time at the shop to make a list of questions for Rhoda. Maybe she doesn't know anything, but I'm gonna follow my first hunch anyway. She seems eager to help, after all, so even if she's not a witch and doesn't know what's going on, she'll at least know the questions I'm hoping to find the answers for.

But I’ve got a question I want to ask everyone, so I hold up a single claw as best as I can in the gesture for “one moment”. Then I work on typing it out. But it takes me a little longer than the last question, because I’ve gotta figure out just how I want to word it.

I decide on, “Why aren’t you freaking out about me being a dragon?”

I hear the bell on the door behind me chime as Cerce is carrying my drink out to my favorite table, and Jill says to me, “Sweetie, Meghan, you’ve always been a dragon. Why would anyone freak out about it now?”

But before I can answer to that, or question it further, my head flicks to the side so that I can see behind me, and I catch a glimpse of the pinked haired person with the “I am Nimona” T-shirt standing agog just inside the door.

They look like they don’t know what to do.

They look like they’re about to bolt.

---

there are probably typos. this is the first draft. if you find any, tell me and I'll fix them! thank you!

#writeblr #original fiction #serial fiction #dragon #transformation #transgender

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