#He' not just super tired from his several children it's just very early | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akitokihojo · 3 years

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'Tis the Damn Season

I don't care if it's early January. Being super busy means I get a grace period to post a Christmas Fic.

It's long. Like, really long. I'm sorry. And, I know I don't usually post on Mondays, especially so late in the day, but I'm tired, and I can't look at it anymore, and don't really want to hang onto this as we get further and further away from December. lol

Okay, so if you read this, thank you v much. I missed writing pining idiots, so have a butt load of it.

AO3

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It was hard to keep her eyes on the road when the atmosphere of her hometown was nothing short of mesmerizing. Every year since Kagome could remember, the decorations went up, the snow fell down, and when the lights came on, it was like magic in the air. Even now, in the daylight hidden behind thick, gray clouds, she couldn’t help but toss her head back and forth to look at each wreath hung on light posts she passed.

The speed limit may have been thirty-five miles per hour, but no one was going over twenty. The snow had piled up and the streets were slick. From the phone calls she’d received from her mother over the last week, she’d heard about the several feet of snow that’d just kept falling. Kagome must have gotten too acclimated to the city she’d moved to years ago. It was hours away from the mountains, and if they got snow, it was no more than two inches. She’d had the audacity to think her mother was exaggerating. From the looks of it, the reality was actually downplayed.

It had been at least five years since she’d last returned home. Her family chose to come out to her twice, she spent one Christmas with an ex, and one on her own that contained a very long FaceTime call with her mom where they virtually opened gifts with each other and spent time together the only way they could. This year, her younger brother concocted a plan. Months ago, he called Kagome up to arrange for her to come out. She’d wanted to as it was, but when he mentioned they should surprise their mom, she was all in. So, she told her mom she was going on a business trip this year. Kagome worked for an editing company and she’d just recently gotten a promotion, so the lie was easy to spin. She was busy as an editor with some high maintenance clients, and it was gratifying work. Did her promotion entail any sort of traveling, though? Not at all. Her business was all on the computer, but her mom didn’t know every single detail.

It was crushing to see the disappointment on her mother’s face. Her mom was the type of person to swallow her ill feelings and put on a smile so everyone was comfortable. She rarely complained, always emphasized how proud she was of her children for leaving the nest and taking life by the horns, and was the type of mom to leave sweet voicemails when Kagome couldn’t answer a call. It wasn’t normal to witness any sort of sadness on her mom’s precious face. And, she’d covered it up quickly, telling Kagome to do her best and they’d FaceTime on Christmas morning. But, Kagome had noticed. It almost made her break, and she was so close to spilling the beans then.

Thankfully, she’d remained disciplined. Her brother would have pulverized her otherwise. There may be a six year age gap between them, but ever since Sota hit puberty, spiked in height, his voice dropped, and he stopped looking so scrawny, the kid started giving Kagome a run for her money. Sitting at twenty-two now, several inches taller than her, and nearly as quick-witted as she, there was no way she was going to get on his bad side. The one thing she had over him was speed, and the last time they saw each other, she’d antagonized him to the point where she’d had to run for her life.

Driving very carefully as she wandered through the more residential neighborhoods of the small town, she could finally see the house she grew up in. Sota had been home from college for over a week already, taking his last final online, so he had to have helped their mom put up the Christmas lights outside. They twinkled around the edging of their roof, glowing in the dull light that the clouds provided. Even that caused Kagome to gleam. She’d missed this so much. It wasn’t until now that she realized how painfully homesick she actually was. And, it didn’t help that she was moments away from executing the biggest surprise ever.

Kagome had turned her location on for her brother to monitor on her way over, so it was no surprise that he was coming outside and shutting the door behind him just as she pulled up. It was hard not to squeal from the excitement. She put her sedan in park, twisted her key out of the ignition, threw her car door open, and ran to meet Sota where they collided in a hug. Stupidly, she wasn’t wearing her jacket yet. She was already shivering where she stood, clinging onto him for another minute longer just to absorb some of his body heat.

“Oh my god, it’s freezing.” She trembled, finally pulling away to tuck her fingers into the thin sleeves of the hoodie she dawned.

“Oh, you city slickers.” Sota joked. “Please tell me you brought warmer clothes.”

“Of course, I did.” She notched her head for him to follow as she urgently shuffled back to her car, nearly slipping on the shoveled walkway. Kagome leaned over the driver’s seat, grabbing for the beige, puffy jacket strewn carelessly on the passenger side. Never had she gotten an article of clothing on so quickly in her life, frantically zipping it up and tucking her hands inside the pockets.

Sota was laughing, opening up her trunk to grab the luggage and gifts she’d brought along with her. “Don’t worry, the worst we’re gonna get for a few days is flurries. The snow should melt a little.”

“No, don’t say that.” Kagome gave a small whine.

Sota glanced over at her disheartened expression, securing her laptop bag over his shoulder. “I said a few days. The forecast is one hundred percent snow on Christmas Eve.”

Her smile grew exponentially brighter. “White Christmas?”

“Did you expect anything less from here?”

“I missed this!”

“Shut up,” He chuckled, closing the trunk. “Mom was in the kitchen when I stepped out. She’ll hear you.”

Sealing her lips shut in an effort to contain her excitement, Kagome reached for a couple Christmas bags to free from his full hands. Behind him, the charcoal truck parked in the driveway of their neighbor’s house that had already been hard to ignore finally claimed her undivided attention. From what she remembered, the vehicle usually parked there was an SUV.

“What’s with the truck? Miss Izayoi get another upgrade?”

Sota’s head spun to look, but as he turned back to her, the grimace deep on his face, she felt her heart give an ill-feeling thump. It leapt into her throat and then plummeted into her stomach. Dread curved her lips into a frown as she mouthed the word, “No.”

“No,” Kagome repeated, this time in a hoarse whisper.

Sota cringed worse, being the only one to truly know what had happened between them and the way Kagome used to feel. “Yeah.”

“He’s home?” She’d kept her voice low, desperate. She hadn’t even considered the fact that they might run into each other. It was so abnormal nowadays, that this time around, Kagome had nearly forgotten that they used to live right next to one another. “What happened to the heads up I should have gotten?”

“I’m sorry. I was hoping you two wouldn’t even notice each other. Like the last time.”

“Sota, it’s not that we didn’t notice each other. It’s that I hid from him.” Kagome argued.

“Oh, shit that’s right.” He hissed.

“Because, I knew he was here!”

“I know, I’m sorry. He showed up a few days ago. Look, let’s back track.” Sota tried. “Yes, Miss Izayoi got a new car. One she, uh,” He glimpsed the truck again. “One she needs a step stool to get into.”

“Oh my god.” She breathed. Sota could tell she was inwardly spiraling, and he urged her inside.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Sota, I’m gonna need you to go over there and tell him to leave.”

She was making it so hard for him not to laugh. Even he was surprised he’d maintained composure through her beginning frenzy.

“It’s my turn to be home for Christmas.”

“He wasn’t here last year. Or, the year before that.”

She stiffened, feeling her lips jut out in a pout. Uncomfortable, Kagome bobbed from foot-to-foot. “I said what I said.”

“Get inside, you fucking drama queen. You two will have nothing to do with each other.” Her brother shoved everything he held into one hand and grabbed her wrist to forcefully pull her along.

“But -“

“Shut up.” He gave a squeeze to her arm as they got closer to the door, and Kagome finally tore her brown eyes away from the charcoal truck of doom.

She needed to push it to the back of her mind. Sota was right. They’d have nothing to do with each other. She’d successfully hidden from him one time. So well, in fact, that he didn’t even know she was merely a hundred feet away. And, that’s saying something since the guy was half demon and had a keen sense of smell. Chances are, he wouldn’t even know she was there this time around. He was visiting to see his mother, and she was visiting to see hers. Outside of town, they were so far disconnected from one another that it wouldn’t even make sense to think they’d suddenly reconnect now.

With a deep breath, an exasperated groan, and a slug to her brother’s arm for giving in and laughing at her, Kagome was just about back on track. Inuyasha was nothing but a friend from her past. A best friend that stayed in the past. Instead of focusing on the anxiety-inducing chance that she’d see him, she instead focused on the good news that Miss Izayoi wouldn’t be alone this Christmas.

Sota gently placed her belongings down in the entryway as Kagome shut the door behind her. The house was substantially warmer than outside, and Kagome could feel the heat thawing out the tip of her nose already. Her brother pressed his finger to his lips in a gesture to stay quiet as they kicked off their wet shoes before walking deeper into the house.

“Sota?” Their mom called, and Kagome’s stomach erupted in thrilled butterflies. She’d never been part of a planned surprise for someone before. Hell, she’d never been the surprise for someone before. And, she was just so excited to see her mother in person.

“Yeah.” He answered, peeking around the hall to see his mom’s back facing them. She was still in the kitchen, and from the looks of it, she was getting ready to start dinner. Her apron was on and a cutting board was set out on the island counter while she fished through the refrigerator.

“Where’d you go, sweetie? I didn’t even realize you got up.”

“I left my charger in the car.” He seamlessly lied, entering further to stop at the opposite side of the counter with Kagome following in behind him.

“You’re so quiet, I swear.” She giggled. “Makes me worried about how many times you might have snuck out as a teenager.”

“Only twice.” He was actually telling the truth that time, but he’d said it so casually.

She hummed in restrained displeasure, giving him a fleeting glance as she placed some vegetables on the counter and headed over to the pantry. “Is it still snowing?”

“Nope.” He replied stiffly, putting his all into resisting a chortle. Kagome was directly next to him now, looking as baffled as ever to have been missed like that. Her jaw hung open and she gaped his way. Even the small crinkle from the gift bags she'd placed on the island didn’t catch their mother’s attention.

“Good. Want to help with dinner? I’m making a stew. I feel like that’d be nice over a bed of rice for a cold night like this. What do you think?”

Sota quickly moved from the spot he was in to aid his mother as she reached for the large, ceramic bowl on the top shelf. Her toes were pressed up and her arms stretched out as far as they could go while she struggled to grab what she needed, and given her recent track record for clumsiness, Sota wasn’t having it. “Mom, let me. What else do you need?”

His mom took the bowl from his hand, thanking him with a tender grin. “Would you mind pulling the crockpot down from the cupboard? I think I’d like to do this the easy way tonight.”

“What can I help with, mama?” Kagome finally spoke. Their mother glanced her way but only out of reaction to see who’d talked. It was the double take that was the big catch. The smile on her face fell into an expression of shock, and her eyes lit up immediately. Her grasp slipped on the bowl as her hands flew up, and Sota’s reflexes were impressive as he lunged to successfully catch it.

“What!?” She shouted, completely taken aback by her daughter’s sudden presence. Within seconds, she folded, tears springing to her eyes as she bounced around the counter elatedly to clutch her baby girl. Her voice was high and her arms were shaking, though not a word she said was missed through either of her children’s laughter. “What are you doing here!? What about your work trip!? When did you get here!? Oh my god, you’re here!”

“I just showed up.” Was the only thing Kagome could respond with as she hugged her arms around her mom’s waist a little tighter.

“But, what are you doing here!?”

“Sota and I wanted to surprise you!”

“Well, it worked, you dirty liars.” Her mother sniffled, pulling back to cradle Kagome’s pink and smiling face before jumping forward to hold her a little more. “So, no work trip?”

“If I had one, I sure did travel in the exact opposite direction of it.” Kagome said sarcastically, giggling as her mother gave a tsk of her tongue.

Finally able to pull herself away, Kagome’s mom looked around for her things. “How long are you staying?”

“The week.”

“Until Christmas!?” She asked happily. “Where’s your bag?”

“Two days after, I go home. And, it’s in the hall. Couldn’t carry that all in without giving away my grand entrance.”

“Okay, okay, enough of the waterworks.” Sota groaned through the prideful smirk on his face. He made his way to the fridge, pulling out a container. “Who wants eggnog?”

Being down for absolutely anything right now, their mom rose her hand and bounced on her toes. She was so excited, that if someone told her to forego a homemade meal and run out for taco bell - the very thing that turned her stomach upside down in the worst ways - she would have.

Kagome eyed the carton and the smirk on her younger brother’s face. She knew that look. “Sota, does she?” She asked skeptically.

Still smiling, he nodded, placing the eggnog on the counter before reaching for three mugs. Twisting the cap off, he poured his mom a glass and placed it before her, not surprised when she didn’t immediately take it as she was still clearing her cheeks of tears. Sota spun around, grabbing the unopened bottle of rum he’d hidden on top of the refrigerator.

“Ah, there it is.” Kagome pointed.

“Sota.” Their mom gasped.

“Mom.” He lightly mimicked in return, eyeing out a shot into each mug before mixing in the eggnog. “Here, May, see if this is strong enough for you.” He said, sliding Kagome’s mug over to her.

Kagome nearly choked on the sip she’d taken. “Dude…”

“Oh. Too strong?”

“No more guessing for you.”

Sota took a slurp, smacking his lips together a few times as he tested the taste. “It’s fine to me.”

“God, what are they giving you college kids these days?” Kagome asked, grabbing the eggnog from him to try and dull out the taste in her cup.

“Please don’t answer that in front of me. I am blissfully naive and would like to stay that way.” Their mom said, as she swiftly changed the subject with a raise of her glass. “I propose a toast!”

“No - mom.” Sota grumbled.

“Yes! Toast!”

Kagome laughed, raising her mug of spiked eggnog while her brother begrudgingly obliged. Their mother was notorious for toasting anything and everything. There was no logical explanation for this; she just loved to celebrate the littlest occurrences.

“To both of my babies being home for Christmas.”

“Huzzah!” Kagome and Sota cheered.

Both siblings clanked their mugs on the counter and took a large swig of their drinks, bringing a huge cringe from Kagome that wriggled her shoulders and caused her nose to crinkle.

“Never mind, you two are ridiculous together.” Their mom rolled her eyes with a sigh, though she wasn’t actually the least bit bothered. She took a healthy gulp of her own drink before taking it with her to the vegetables. “You know, speaking of being home, you’ll never guess who’s here.”

“Who?” Kagome asked, taking residence in a stool at the counter while Sota took the initiative to bring in her things from the entryway.

“Inuyasha.” The grin on her mother’s face was wide, her cheeks still a bit blustery from the happiness that’d yet to die down.

“Oh, yeah?” Kagome coolly played off. Her mom knew the basics, but not everything. It all took place back in a time when teenagers didn’t share those details of their lives with their parents. It was awkward. Being a teenager with any sort of feelings was awkward. Even being well into her late twenties now, Kagome didn’t feel inclined to spill the most uncomfortable bits of her life from over a decade back. She wanted to let it all go, and quite frankly, had been trying to do so for a long time. The only reason Sota was in the know was because he’d seen her crushed from their last run-in and helped her through it. How could she not let him in after walking in on her like that?

It wasn’t a door she was going to reopen, though. Her mom knew every other intimate detail, but this one, as dated as it was, could stay in the decade it belonged in.

“Yeah. He’s here for the rest of the month. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Pretty cool.” She nodded along, taking another sip of her drink. Suddenly, Kagome didn’t mind the heavy spice of rum.

“Why don’t you go say hi?”

“Well, because that’d be weird.”

“How would that be weird?” Her mom blinked, picking up the knife as she got to chopping the produce.

“Mom, we haven’t spoken in ages. You know this.” She explained with slight exasperation. “I can’t just walk over there and pretend we’re seventeen again. Even smalltalk would be,” Kagome paused as a chill ran up her spine. “Uncomfortable.”

“You’re so silly.” She giggled. “When you’re best friends for as long as you two were, you don’t just lose a bond like that. Especially if you simply grew apart. But,” Her mom was particular to use an emphatic to prevent Kagome from interrupting. “If you aren’t comfortable, then you aren’t comfortable. I respect that. As you kids would say, you do you, boo.”

“You do you, boo.” Sota repeated with more of a hip tone, re-entering the room. “Mom, where are your car keys?”

“Didn’t you take them?”

“When?”

“When you went to get your charger.”

“Mom,” He pointed to Kagome. “I went to go get her. I was lying.”

“Oh. They’re in my purse then. Why? Are you going somewhere?” Their mother’s face drooped in disappointment as she set her knife down on the counter. “Sweetie, I’m cooking, and -“

“Chill, I’ve just gotta get May’s gift’s out of the trunk.”

“What do you mean, they’re in the -“ She gasped thickly, sharply. “Oh my god, your gifts! I had Sota ship them to you!”

He stood there with a wry grin, waiting for her to clue in. Honestly, with how much effort Sota had put into this, maybe it shouldn’t have been Kagome that got the huge hug for her arrival. He’d really thought of everything. Sans the warning. Almost everything.

The fear in their mom’s expression gradually dwindled as she read the look on her son’s face. The remainder of his statement finally processed, and she wasn’t sure whether to deadpan or show relief. “They’re in the trunk?”

“Yup.”

“You brat.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Anything else I should know?”

Sota pulled the lanyard with her keys on them out of her purse, jingling them as he waltzed to the entry hall. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”

—

Kagome awoke the next day as groggy as ever. If there was anything she wasn’t, it was a morning person. She rubbed her eyes and pushed her messy, black hair from her face, staring at the white ceiling above her as she tried to sink further into the pillows of the bedroom she used to occupy before moving out.

There were only small changes made by her mom since then. The color of the bedding was more neutral, the boy band posters were long gone, and the layout was altered a bit. Instead of the bed frame being completely against the wall in the corner, her mom had switched it up to sit more center. There was also a TV in the room now. Kagome was covered by a thick comforter that she would gladly stay under all day if she could. It was the kind that hugged you while not being too heavy, and made that luxurious crinkle sound anytime you moved.

She’d realized last night that she’d left her purse in her car. Kagome had been too wrapped up in the quality time she was spending with her family that she couldn’t be bothered to run out and get it. The neighborhood was rather safe, and even though she’d learned to be paranoid about things like that, just for the night, she let it slide. Laying there, she figured she should just get it over with and grab the damn thing. It had her phone charger in it, and her wallet, and of course, her chapstick. Kagome had lost track of how many times already she’d licked her lips, but the dryness was driving her insane.

Throwing the blanket off of her, she slid out of bed. Her pajamas consisted of red, flannel pants that fit a little too big and a black tank top she would have easily swapped out for a long sleeve if the heater wasn’t on in the house. Lazily, Kagome ruffled her fingers through her long tresses to try and arrange it all a little better. Specifically, her bangs. With naturally wavy hair, her fringe had the tendency to sort of do it’s own thing unless blowdried into position, and next-morning-hair was particularly unruly.

“Morning.” Sota greeted as soon as she walked out into the living room, his voice thick from sleep. He was in the kitchen, getting the coffeepot going with his short hair in absolute shambles.

Kagome could only muster a grunt as she headed toward the door.

“Hey, you remember that snow covering the ground means it’s cold outside, right?” He asked, arching a brow.

He was right, but she’d left her coat in the bedroom. And, the bedroom was in the exact opposite direction of her vehicle. So, she grabbed his from the coatrack in the entrance, opting to take his shoes too, since they were larger, and therefore, easy to slip on. Grabbing her car keys from the entry table, Kagome unlocked the front door and slumped out into the biting freeze of the air with nothing but a sharp inhale and that same breathe clutched within her chest.

Inuyasha glanced over at the noise of a door opening, shovel in hand as he was clearing up the walking path so his mother wouldn’t have to. Being out in the snow should have prevented any sort of shocks to his system, but he hadn’t expected to see her. On top of that, he wasn’t remotely prepared for the odd sensation inside of his abdomen to soar uncontrollably, or for his heart to do this weird twinge, or for his throat to swell up like it had. Everything sort of hit him on the spot, and he did a double take. It was her. It was Kagome.

He hadn’t seen her in years, and still, these were the effects she had on him. Maybe it was due to the surprise he was thrown off by. Or, maybe he was just awestruck.

Her hair was longer than when he’d last seen her. Way longer. He remembered it being just below her shoulders in her early community college years, and now it neared her lower back. The baggy clothes she was donning made it hard to determine a difference in her physique, but it was impossible to care about that sort of thing. Having known Kagome for so long, it was clear to him that things involving her were more than just a physical attraction.

The girl was as oblivious as ever. She seemed to be in a lifeless trance, trying to walk in a pair of tennis shoes four sizes too large on the path her younger brother had cleared a day and a half ago. She trudged over to a white car that he’d failed to really pay attention to before, unlocking it on her second attempt to press the button on the remote right. She was on the driver’s side, opening the back, passenger door, finally taking one of her hands out of the large sleeves of the jacket she wore to grab something from within.

Kagome regretted that she actually needed fingers to grasp onto things. How could she be dumb enough to think that thirty seconds outside wouldn’t be too bad? The way her jaw shivered, teeth clashing, had her reevaluating her life choices when she wasn’t fully awake.

A flash of silver and black in her peripherals caught her attention as she stood up straight, and as she inadvertently followed her eyes to see what it was, Kagome completely froze. She wasn’t sure what sort of expression she’d been holding before this, but she felt it drop. He was taller than she remembered. Or, maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe it was the muscle he’d put on, evident even through the dark sweater he wore. His silver hair was tied back into a ponytail, triangular ears on the top of his head just as they’d always been. Bright, golden eyes stared back at her, seeming almost as shocked as she was. But, then a soft smile appeared on his lips. One she couldn’t handle seeing. One she was unprepared for. One that made her heart thunk against her ribcage.

Oh no.

Inuyasha took a step in her direction, and his mouth opened to speak. She’d heard his voice just slightly before her panic took rein and she spoke over him.

“Y-yes. Yes, I’m here. I am so sorry.” Kagome fumbled over her words to say. She looked away as if to better concentrate in her act, and then glanced back over to Inuyasha with an apologetic grimace. She pointed to her ear as if to gesture she was on a call with headphones, using that same moment to make sure her thick hair was covering her lie. “Yes, I can see about getting that back to you today.”

She took a pause for the sake of theatricals.

“Well, I did warn you that I would be on vacation, so you should have sent this my way well in advance.”

Inuyasha jolted to a stop, heat flushing over his face as he felt mild embarrassment from mistaking that he’d actually be able to talk to her for the first time in too many years. He acknowledged her silent, mouthed apology with a wave to dismiss it all and watched her hurry back toward the house, the shoes she borrowed grinding against the cement since she struggled to actually pick her feet up the entire way. The door nearly slammed the moment she was back inside, and Inuyasha pursed his lips. He really shouldn’t have been surprised. Their friendship didn’t necessarily end on the greatest terms. He was a prick, always jealous, too protective for someone in his position, and absolutely clueless back then on why that was the case or how to properly communicate that sort of thing. Kagome justifiably grew fed up with his shit, and going to separate colleges just sort of aided in their falling out. He hasn’t seen her since she was transferring from the community college here to a university ten hours away, and even then, it was awkward.

It was like they had nothing to talk about anymore back then. Her mom threw her a little going away party that his mom had pushed him into going to alongside her since he was advantageously in town. They weren’t the best friends they used to be. He’d immediately gone away to a state college right out of high school, phone calls lessened, video chats rarely happened, and by the time text messaging was a big thing, Kagome had gotten a new number that he never received. So, why he’d suddenly think small talk would be easy, he’d never know. What came over him was stupid. He should have remained stiff and gone back to shoveling. He should have been the old Inuyasha and pretended he hadn’t even noticed her.

But, even the old Inuyasha was horrible at that. He always noticed Kagome. He remembered that facade being weak and tarnishable. At least, when it came to her.

Kagome all but kicked Sota’s shoes off, only one of her arms freed from his jacket as she crumbled to her knees and then, ultimately, laid facedown on the hardwood flooring of the living room. Her purse was lost somewhere between the entry hall and where she’d disintegrated, an arm beneath her head for some semblance of comfort.

She heard the sliding of socked feet heading her way, a mug she could feel the steam coming out of placed near her head.

“You good?” Sota nonchalantly asked, seeing as this was a decently normal happenstance for his dramatic sister.

“Mhm.” She hummed, but her voice was too high. He knew when her voice reached an octave like that, something bad had happened and she was just barely holding it together. Furrowing his brows, Sota stood, walking to the window facing their front yard to glance out with his own cup of coffee in hand. She was fine when she left, not so great when she came back, so it didn’t take brilliant deduction skills to determine something had taken place outside. And, when his brown eyes spotted the toned back of their neighbor’s son shoveling snow, Sota damn near choked on his sip of coffee.

“Dude!” He hurried back over, barely holding back his guffaw from shock. “What happened!?”

“Nothing!”

“Nothing doesn’t make you die on the floor like this. Did he see you?” He retook his squatting position beside his sister.

“Yes.” She grumbled into her arm, muffled as it was.

“Did he say anything?”

“I didn’t let him.” Kagome rolled over to her back. “I - I pretended I was on the phone.”

Sota glanced at the cell phone she’d left on the counter the night before. One she’d happily put on do not disturb so that none of her clients could reach her while she was finally taking a well-deserved break from the office. “But -“

“Yes, I know! I pointed to my ear like I had a headphone on!”

His sister wore the most mortified frown as she went from looking at him, to the ceiling, to covering her face with the one arm still trapped in his jacket.

“C’mon, if that’s all that happened then it wasn’t that bad. What’s up?” Sota asked.

“He’s so pretty.” She whined desperately.

“Yes, I know. A true Adonis of his kind.” He replied dryly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, I lack the sexual attraction to him that you have. So while, yes, he’s quite nice looking, I’ve gotta tell you, he just doesn’t do it for me.”

“Sota, what the fuck?” Kagome’s voice was still high-pitched, and she lowered her arm to peek out at him, doe-like and round. “When did he start looking like that?”

He arched a speculative brow, finally giving his knees a break as he sat back on his butt. “I want to say sometime between the last time you saw him and had this same breakdown and now.”

“Thanks, that’s real helpful.”

“May, he’s always been ridiculously handsome. You remember what his dad looked like? The dude could emasculate another just by standing within reach.” Sota paused for another sip of his coffee. “It was only a matter of time before Inuyasha caught up. And, I mean, he’s - what? Twenty-eight, right? The guy was bound to hit his manly growth spurt sooner or later. Can’t look scrawny forever.”

“Twenty-nine.” Kagome corrected, sitting up to her elbows. His birthday had actually just recently past, and he was a good five months older than her.

“Then, it’s about time, really.”

She felt the pout forming deeply on her face. She was hot. Her blush burned at her nose and her eyes, and she knew it wasn’t the warmth of the house chipping the snow flurries away from her skin. Pushing herself up all the way, Kagome crossed her legs and slouched over, digging her elbows into her thighs and burying her face into her hands. “I panicked.”

“You don’t say.” Sota remarked dully, slurping from his mug.

“He was coming toward me.” Her heart was still beating fast. Why? Why wasn’t she past this yet? “He was going to talk to me, and I freaked.”

There was a brief moment of silence, and she swore she heard the faintest, clutched snort from Sota’s nostrils. With that, she pulled her face from her palms to shoot him a look.

“Wait, I just want to make sure I’m getting this right: you two saw each other, made eye contact, he was on his way over, and then you were suddenly on a phone call?”

“Is there alcohol in this coffee?” Kagome swooped up the mug he’d left for her on the floor.

“And then, what? Did you at least make the call make sense since you didn’t talk for the first sixty seconds you were outside?” Sota laughed.

Kagome took a sip, wincing at the heat that hit her tongue. Realizing that the creamer wasn’t spiked, she quickly stood up and finally dropped the jacket, her feet patting against the floor as she quickly sped to the fridge.

“Kagome, did you pretend it was a work call? Or, were you pretending to be on the phone with me or mom like you usually do in uncomfortable situations? Please tell me it was the latter.”

“It was a work call.” She scorned, pressing to her tiptoes to reach for the rum Sota had put back on top of the refrigerator. He’d carelessly set it in the center, not realizing she was stuck at five-feet-two-inches, and her fingers barely grazed the glass.

“Right, because you aren’t that stupid.” He nearly wheezed, getting up from the floor and sauntering over. Easily, he grabbed the rum, taking it into the living room to place on top of the bookshelf that reached even higher. “It’s too early to drink this away, my dude. You’re gonna have to sit with this one for a while.”

“You know, I think I’ve been a pretty good older sister to you. I never beat you up. When I shoved you into the dryer as a kid, I only turned it on for a split second -“

“I tumbled!”

“I stood up for you when you were being bullied and even punched a guy out. And, I went and picked you up at two in the morning one of those times you snuck out.”

“What’s your point?”

“I don’t deserve your cruelty. Give it back.”

“No.” He grinned, ambling back over. “It’s time to face the music, May. You’ve still got it bad.”

“I don’t want to have it bad.” She pouted again, shoulders sagging and fingers delicately wrapping around the coffee cup Sota handed back to her from the counter. “I’m too old to be experiencing the same disappointment over and over.”

“What if you’re not disappointed this time?”

“Sota,” She turned to keep her eyes on him as he walked back over to the coffee pot for a second cup. “He’s married. If I’m feeling this way, of course I’m going to end up disappointed.”

He had no argument that time. He’d long learned when it was better to shut up, so Sota pressed his lips closed, turning back to her with a sympathetic gaze. The best thing for Kagome was to keep her mind off of it, so as she got over the initial shock of it all, he brewed a fresh pot of coffee and turned on the TV for them to sit in front of for a while.

Their mother had insisted on going grocery shopping the next day for ingredients to make a special meal on Christmas Eve, and it was imperative to go before the last minute holiday rush. It didn’t spare them from a crowded market, but Kagome still knew there was a significant difference between what they’d just walked through and what they would have had to shove through a couple of days from then. Taking the chance to grab everything they may need, including snacks and extra coffee so no one would have to go to the store again, the cart was loaded up completely.

Pulling into the driveway, Kagome’s mom hit the button for the garage that was clipped to her sun visor so they’d have an easier time getting everything into the house.

“I was wondering where your beater was.” Kagome remarked at seeing Sota’s old, black car sitting in the parking spot of the garage that typically belonged to the hatchback their mom drove. “Why aren’t you parked on the street like a normal person?”

“It was my idea.” Their mother giggled, pulling the key out of the ignition. “We’re more likely to use my car for travel anyway, so he may as well tuck his away while he’s here.”

Kagome feigned a groan as she threw her door open to get out. “The favorite child wins again.”

“May, it’s a nineteen-ninety-five Nissan Maxima. It takes forty-five minutes to warm up, and the heater smells like something was just lit on fire. The less I use it, the better.” Sota returned defensively.

“How are you still driving that thing?” She laughed, opening up the back of the car so they could start taking things in. “Isn’t it over two-hundred thousand miles? How did you even get it here from school?”

“By the grace of god and new tires I sold pictures of my butt to buy.” Their mother gave a throaty grumble as she dismissed herself to put something in front of the entry door to keep it open and Kagome released a sort of snort as she doubled over from laughing. “I’m not kidding.”

Through their joking, she’d missed the crunch of snow approaching a little ways from their side. “Kagome, is that you?”

The voice was sweet and warm, inviting. Kagome, still smiling widely from her laugh, turned to see Izayoi in her front yard, her son not too far behind her. Initially, she’d jolted. Her grin wavered and she was stunned with spiked nerves that made it hard to function through. But, with the woman making her way through the thick snow that was nearly up to her knees, totally bundled up in a coat that rivaled the thickness of a blanket, Kagome was able to swallow as much of her nervousness as she could. Of all people, Miss Izayoi didn’t deserve to be avoided. She was always kind and understanding, and having known her since childhood, Kagome held her in high regard.

“Oh wow, hi.” Kagome greeted, putting the pack of bottled waters back in the trunk as her smile returned.

“No way.” Izayoi, having the confirmation, made her way closer, meeting Kagome halfway with an unmatched brightness at her shock. “I haven’t seen you in ages. You’ve grown so much.”

“I’m pretty sure she stopped growing at thirteen.” Sota remarked, deciding to stay near his sister. Inuyasha had come up behind his mom, not opting to stand beside her or get in their space. His hands were tucked into his jacket pockets, and his amber eyes danced around in a careless manner. Almost like he didn’t want to be there. Nevertheless, considering his sister’s habit of collapsing on the floor in mental torment after any sort of near encounter with the guy, Sota wanted to be there to attempt to cushion any sort of blow. And, most importantly, stop his sibling in case she panicked and said anything humiliating.

“Sota!” Izayoi rejoiced. “You’ve been away from home for a while, too. It’s so good to see you two!”

“Mom, you saw him the other day.” Inuyasha mentioned lowly.

“But, I didn’t get to say hi, did I? Because, someone was in a hurry. Always in a hurry.” She said, unbothered and gleeful. Izayoi spread her arms wide, reaching for a hug from Kagome that the girl happily returned. Her gloved hands cradled Kagome’s face as she leaned back, gently pushing black, wavy strands away from her cheeks. “You have gotten so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Kagome grinned shyly.

“How have you been, dear? I hope everything is going wonderfully for you. Your mom tells me you work hard and have your own place. You’re safe, right? And, healthy?”

“Oh, yes.” She tried not to stammer. It was getting increasingly harder to keep her eyes on the woman before her when all they wanted to do was flicker to the tall man behind. Talking about herself always sort of made her feel put on the spot, as well. Talking about herself in front of Inuyasha was suddenly more nerve wracking than she ever remembered it being. They lost connection so long ago that it almost felt like they were complete strangers now. Complete strangers with a non-erasable history. “Um, yes. I - yes, I have a little apartment, and I have a job. That I work. And, I really like it.”

“She eats her vegetables and everything.” Sota said, helping her wrap up that topic.

“You live in the city, right? Do you live alone?” There was a hint of concern in Izayoi’s tone.

“Yes, but it’s a safe neighborhood.” Kagome managed to say.

“I got her pepper spray for her last birthday, there’s a bat near her bed, and I programmed her Echo Dot to bark like a Rottweiler if she says ‘intruder alert.’ She’s good, I promise.” Sota added.

“The bat’s next to your bed?” Inuyasha asked with a judgmental grimace. “The hell’s that gonna do for you if you’re in the living room when someone breaks in?”

Kagome hadn’t expected the thick timbre of his voice when he spoke, causing her to look at him. Without hesitation, her brows furrowed with attitude to match his own. “Knives in the kitchen.”

“If you’re fast enough.” The half demon scoffed.

Izayoi swatted his stomach with the back of her hand, immediately silencing her son. “Ignore him. I’m so glad things are going well for you, sweetheart.”

“Mom, we’ve gotta go.” Inuyasha returned to his low voice.

“Any new boys in your life?” She said with a suggestive smirk.

“Mom.”

“Oh my god, Inuyasha.” She chided, annoyed. “How about you help them unload the car?”

“Oh no, that’s okay.” Kagome quickly deterred.

“Yeah, no, we’ve got it.” Sota rushed to insist.

“Inuyasha! Izayoi! Hi!” Their own mother joined them. “I see you’ve met my long lost children.”

Izayoi gave a laugh. “When was the last time you had them in the same place at the same time?”

“Technically, two Christmases ago. It’s a long drive for Sota, and an even longer one for Kagome, and we spent that one at her place. But, to have them here, home, is even more special than anything.”

“Mom.” He reached for her arm, but Izayoi shot him a look.

“Inuyasha.”

Instantly, he swerved, arm still outstretched as he sauntered over to the open hatchback of the Higurashi vehicle. He wore a sore frown as he did as he was told, stacking the two packs of water to lug into their open house.

Sota went to help him with a flick of his eyes that told Kagome to stay put. She wasn’t one to argue against that. Willingly put herself alone with Inuyasha? And then, what? Be labeled a masochist thereafter? Not likely. Not her brand of kink.

“Where are you two off to?” Kagome’s mother asked, slipping her arm in the crook of Kagome’s for a sense of closeness.

“He insists on going with me to my doctor’s appointment. You know him, too protective for his own good. Lord help him if he ever has a daughter.” Izayoi replied.

Kagome couldn’t help but duck her head at that. She reminded herself to remain nonchalant, so she quickly picked herself back up, holding her breath as she nibbled on the inside of her bottom lip.

“If you two are in a hurry, please go! He doesn’t have to help us.” Mrs. Higurashi assured, turning around to see if he was on his way back out.

“Oh, please. No. We’re running extremely early, are you kidding me?” Izayoi dismissed with a playful roll of her eyes. “My appointment isn’t until two-thirty. We have plenty of time. He just wanted to leave cushion for the icy roads.”

“Roads are pretty clear, actually.”

“I know that, but he’s not used to driving in this sort of weather anymore.”

“Stop talking about me.” He ordered gruffly, almost with what could be considered a whine for him. “I can hear you.”

Izayoi muffled her laugh behind the scarlet glove on her palm.

“It must be so nice to have him home.” Kagome’s mother said softly, relishing in the happiness on her friend’s face.

“It’s wonderful, really.”

“Stop.” He groaned, dragging the word out as he took more of their groceries inside.

“He’s so helpful. He does the heavy lifting, took me to Costco all the way out of town to bulk up on things, and has been doing most of the cooking. I’m lucky if he lets me help. But, I mean, it’s my kitchen. So, I do what I want.”

“Oh, I know how that is. We age a little, and then suddenly our children think we’re fragile. Sota won’t trust me to grab things off the top shelf anymore.” Kagome couldn’t help but give out a small laugh at that. Given their mom had taken a couple falls recently, she could see why Sota was a bit overprotective. But, their mom wasn’t old by any means, and accidents happen - even to Kagome. Especially to Kagome. It was endearing to see her younger brother taking up such a role.

“And, let me guess; he puffed himself up like the big, burly man he is and brought in the Christmas tree all on his own, right?” Izayoi chuckled knowingly.

“Actually, we haven’t gotten our tree yet.” Mrs. Higurashi mentioned. “We were going to do that tomorrow.”

“Oh, you haven’t? We haven’t either. I was going to see if I could drag Inuyasha to the tree farm today after my appointment. They’ve got the whole place decked out to the nines for Christmas, and it just seems so festive.”

“I heard that, too! They really went all out this year, supposedly. Why don’t you guys go with us?” Kagome’s mother suggested. Swiftly, Kagome’s head snapped over to look at her mom, eyes wide while she tried to cover her disapproval with a small smile.

“What?” She breathed.

“What?” Inuyasha asked stiffly as he approached again from behind.

“Oh, we’d hate to intrude.” Izayoi said cautiously, not failing to notice Kagome’s hasty response.

“What’s going on?” Sota inquired as he came over to the opposite side of his mother.

“I was just inviting them to go shop for a Christmas tree with us tomorrow. Please, it’s no intrusion at all. It’ll be fun.”

“Mom, they probably have their own plans.”

Izayoi’s eyes met Kagome’s, looking for her input. The girl was guarded, and she knew why. She knew why the once talkative beauty was so quiet after all these years. If she looked like she was ready to say no, Izayoi would understandably accept that answer and go with her original plan to sweet talk her son into going with her today. But, Kagome softened, dropping the tension in her shoulders as she met the woman’s reading stare.

“Are you sure?” She asked, and though the question was given to their family as a whole, it was more for Kagome to answer.

“You’re more than welcome.” Kagome said, and even she was surprised she’d spoken so clearly when she felt a fire rushing through her veins, and like if she wasn’t holding onto her mother, she’d shake so bad she’d fall right down to her butt.

“We have a Christmas tree, don’t we.” Inuyasha asked, his tone a little more on the urgent side as he made it back over to his mother.

“A fake one,” Miss Izayoi sighed. “Don’t you think we should get a real one this year? There’s nothing like the smell of pine in the house.”

“We’ll get a candle.”

“You stay home then.” She lightly sneered. “I’ll go with the Higurashi’s and get myself a tree.”

“And, who will lift it for you?”

“I can do my lifting myself, thank you very much.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He shrugged his brows in slight mockery.

“I’ll help her.” Sota offered.

“You’ll be too busy with your own tree.”

“Um, hello?” Kagome couldn’t help but gesture to herself expectantly. “There’s more than enough of us to make sure we get a couple trees strapped down to our cars securely.”

“Of course, if you’re feeling so unsure, we’re happy to have you along, Inuyasha.” Mrs. Higurashi sang welcomingly.

“And, if not, then no harm - no foul.” Sota countered.

“Knowing my mother, she’s going to want a ten-footer.” He rolled his amber eyes, bobbing to press more of his weight onto one foot.

“I do.” Izayoi scrunched her nose, speaking in a bashful whisper. “I do want a big one.”

“Then, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow. Let’s say around six?” Mrs. Higurashi suggested.

“I guess.” Inuyasha damn near grumbled.

“I swear, he’ll be nice tomorrow.” Izayoi assured, giving a small shove to her son’s shoulder to knock him slightly off balance. She gave what equated to a breath of excitement. “It’ll be so nice to be all together again and catch up. I’m really looking forward to this.”

“Us too!” Their mother spoke for them, giving a wave goodbye when Inuyasha finally pulled his own away. “We’ll meet you guys there.”

“Can’t wait!”

“Keep it together.” Sota muttered to his sister. She was holding composure, but he could see her eyes widening as she processed what had just happened. Releasing her mother, she walked back over to the open hatchback to pull it down and shut, and the tight press of her mouth told him she was seconds away from cracking. “Nope, give it another minute. They’re getting in the truck.”

“What’s going on?” Her mother asked, following them over. “What are we keeping together?”

She went ignored as Sota played as casual as possible for the sake of his sister. They could still be seen. “Let’s go inside.”

“What’s wrong?”

Kagome breathed out tightly, her expression twisting as she struggled with herself.

“Not here.”

“Oh my god.” His sister whimpered.

“Nope, keep it in.”

“Why aren’t they leaving?” Her voice that time was broken and wheezed, absolutely dramatic.

“Somebody?” Their mom tried again.

“They’re about to drive. Stand up straight, you look like you’re constipated.”

Kagome huffed out that time in a reach of determination, shooting her brother a confident grin as he did his best to help her with the act, wrapping an arm around his mom’s shoulders to keep her close as they made their way inside.

Izayoi strapped the seatbelt of the passenger side across her front, clicking it into place and adjusting the fit over her thick, winter coat. Inuyasha threw the driver side door shut as he got in, quick to start the truck and get the heater going so the tip of his mother’s nose wouldn’t be so red anymore. He said nothing as he got the directions to the doctor’s office up on the GPS screen, watching as the monitor zoomed out and then back in as it locked in place. There was no neglecting the small smile on his mom’s face, but Inuyasha applied valiant effort not to bring attention to it. It was smug. There was something else written within, and he knew damn well that without him having to say anything, she’d bring it up.

“So,” She spoke smoothly just as he began to back out. Inuyasha almost wished there was someone else in the car with him to place bets, because he could have just won a chunk of change. “What did you do?”

The half demon shot her a look, grimace apparent and harsh on his face as he silently questioned what the hell she was getting at. “What!?”

“What did you do to Kagome?” Still, she didn’t raise her voice or hold any sort of accusatory timbre, though the judgmental arch in her brow said it all.

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me you two grew apart.” Izayoi began to elaborate. “Inuyasha, I’ve gone to my high school reunion and had more to talk about with people I didn’t necessarily get along with back in the day than you and Kagome do. That doesn’t happen when you simply ‘grow apart.’ That happens when there’s conflict.”

“Why the hell do you assume I created the conflict?”

His mother deadpanned, dropping her head to gaze at him through her brow expectantly.

“Okay,” Inuyasha acknowledged that her silent point was fair. “But, I didn’t. There’s no conflict. There’s nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Izayoi hummed that time, sitting back in her seat normally. “Then, you two will be just fine tomorrow?”

“Sure, whatever.” He said, shrugging a single shoulder lazily.

“Because, if that’s the case, you two will have the most catching up to do. So, we can just leave you two alone. You know, back to your roots.”

Inuyasha had to resist the cringe. He held his breath and scrunched his nose in a discomfited expression. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“I know what you’re doing, mom. I know what you’re doing, and you need to stop.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re fishing. You want me to break and give you the real reason that can’t happen.”

“Oh, is there a reason that can’t happen?”

“Mother.”

“Son.”

“Mom.”

“Inuyasha.”

He sighed out, the breath clenched in his throat to make an aggravated grumble as he pressed his foot into the break at the red light, and then dropped his head. “That can’t happen.”

“Why can’t that happen?”

“Because, Kagome wants nothing to do with me.”

“What? No.” She poorly feigned astonishment. “But, why?”

“I don’t know.”

Finally, Izayoi dropped the act, giving him the same deadpan as before.

Inuyasha repeated himself with more vigor, throwing his hands up exasperatedly in response. “I really don’t know! We never, like, got into some screaming match or anything. Things just sort of died off. I figured it was because I was a bit of an ass back then, but I didn’t expect her to hang onto that until today.”

“So,” She paused, taking in what he’d explained. Izayoi pursed her lips, analyzing the mysterious situation. She could tell Inuyasha was being honest. He was at as much of a loss as anyone. But, he also didn’t seem to be questioning it, either. “So, you two didn’t get into a fight?”

“Nope.” He pressed on the accelerator, following the flow of traffic with one hand on the steering wheel as it crept through the streets.

“No big blow up?”

“Nope.”

“Did you make her cry?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“Because, Kagome’s really sensitive.”

“She’s not as sensitive as you think, actually.” He mentioned. “Girl’s tough as nails. She’s got a thick skin.”

“When was the last time you two talked?”

“Her going away party. And, even that was strange. We only stood by each other for like ten minutes before I snuck out the back and into my room from the window.”

“Inuyasha!” His mom fired.

“What!? It was awkward! She didn’t want me there, and I had a fuck ton of homework I would have rather been doing!”

“No, I remember you always leaving your homework for last minute, Mr. Photographic Memory. Even in college.”

“I know.” He concurred matter-of-factly. “So, that should tell you something.”

She was quiet for a moment. As much as Inuyasha liked to try to act like nothing bothered him, she knew what actually did and didn’t. With the way the fingers of his left hand were clutching the top of the steering wheel, she could tell this wasn’t sitting entirely well with him. He was curious, but he was also stubborn. He wanted to leave it alone, but something was unsettling him. Izayoi considered that it was her questioning, so she decided it may be best to drop the subject for a little while. They could return to it later.

“I tried talking to her yesterday.” He mentioned on his own, eyes on the road and voice low. Izayoi’s attention snapped back over to him. “Hardly got a word out before she faked a phone call and ran back inside.”

“Wait, what?” Her upper lip curled with skepticism. “Why would she fake a phone call?”

“So she wouldn’t have to talk to me.” He chuckled. “I’ll admit, small talk can be painful sometimes. She might have been trying to avoid that. I don’t know.”

“But, how do you know she faked it?”

“Oh, come on.” He groaned, grinning in amusement. “She didn’t say a damn thing until she saw me. All of a sudden, she’s on the phone?”

Izayoi grimaced. It was a pretty unrealistic cover up, she’ll give him that.

“I didn’t know she was coming, or that she was here. I was just as surprised to see her as she was me, but there’s a difference between the way we reacted. I was glad. She looked scared shitless.”

“No, that can’t be true.” Izayoi countered, shaking her head. “You’re looking too far into it, honey.”

“No, no. I’m not.” He chuckled again. “Mom, I’m not exaggerating. She ran back inside. I think it’s pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me.”

“But, why?”

He shrugged again.

“Don’t you want to know?”

“I don’t know. It’s been so long, why bother?”

“Because, it’s Kagome.”

“So?”

“It’s Kagome.” She reiterated. Her son’s facade was dwindling away. His careless smirk was falling, and he watched the road with a straight face now, a thick swallow bobbing his Adam’s apple.

“It was so long ago.” Inuyasha tried to solidify.

“But, it’s Kagome.”

She laid on the floor, having made it to the cushiony throw rug near the couches this time around. Kagome had managed to pull a decorative pillow from the sofa nearby, shoving her face into it to muffle her whimpers. Her mom sat on the floor with her, stroking her back up and down in a soothing motion.

“This is why we make sure mama’s always on the same page.” She looked to her son sternly as he ambled over with a cringe, kneeling down beside them to tap his sister on the head. Without looking up, Kagome raised her hand, blindly waiting for the shot glass she knew Sota had. The moment it was in her fingers, she pushed herself to her elbows, back arching like a dolphin as she took the shot without a chaser, coughing mildly, handing the glass back to her brother who’d taken one alongside her, and then throwing her face back into the pillow.

“Why did no one tell me?” Their mom pushed.

“We didn’t expect this to happen.” Sota replied. “You haven’t invited them anywhere with us in, like, ten years.”

“Eight.” Kagome mumbled into the pillow.

“Still!”

“If I had known this, we could have made it nine!” Mrs. Higurashi argued.

“Mom, why would you invite them with us if you knew Kagome and Inuyasha didn’t get along anymore?” Sota laughed, a small amount of exasperation visible in his hand movements.

“No one said anything about them not getting along. All I was told was they didn’t really talk anymore.”

Sota sort of ushered her to continue with her logic, even knowing this.

“I wasn’t thinking it would be a problem.” She frowned, lowering herself to her daughter on the floor to hug her backside. “I’m sorry, honey. I should have asked. I just got so excited and thought it would be nice, but I wasn’t thinking about your feelings.”

“It’s okay.” Kagome said incoherently into the pillow, sniffling as she picked herself up slightly. “It’s okay. This is okay. It’s fine.”

Sota pinched his lips shut tight as he tried not to laugh at his flustered sister. A small snort left his nose that was quickly silenced as his mom swatted his knee.

“I can cancel.”

“No, you can’t.” Sota said at the same time that Kagome shook her head. “It’ll seem like we didn’t want them to go. It’s insulting and attention grabbing.”

“But, we don't want them to go.” Their mom clarified slowly, confused. “Right?”

“No, Kagome just can’t handle being anywhere near Inuyasha.”

Kagome dropped her face back into the pillow with a wail, pointing to the shot glasses again. Her younger brother was quick to leap to his feet, scurrying back to the kitchen to get refills.

“Okay, wait. Honey. Sweetie.” Her mom urged, trying to roll her daughter over and pick her up to no avail. “Kagome. Love. I have to ask again… Why didn’t you tell me you still had feelings for Inuyasha?”

“I do not!” Kagome responded gutturally.

Sota laughed unreasonably hard from across the room, the cackle hoarse and loud.

“Who the heck are you trying to fool? Especially now?” Mrs. Higurashi asked with limited patience, giving a small smack to her daughter’s butt.

“Mom, it’s called denial.”

Kagome murmured something that was incomprehensible to their ears, completely muffled by the pillow she buried her face into. It was a wonder that she could even breathe like that. Their mother leaned closer, trying to gather what was just said, though unsuccessfully.

“What was that?”

Kagome turned her head to face the general room, no longer smothering herself so she could repeat, “How did you even know?”

“What? That you used to like Inuyasha? Please.” Their mom rolled her eyes so dramatically she nearly tipped to the side. “Are you kidding me?”

“I told you it was obvious!” Sota laughed, returning with their shots of rum. Kagome arched up again, throwing back her head to take hers much quicker than the last time. She flinched, keeping her cough in check as she pulled herself to sit up completely.

“Mom, you knew!?”

“Of course, I knew.” She stated simply. “I’m your mother. You think I don’t know your heart eyes when I see them?”

Kagome gaped at her brother.

“You were smitten with that guy the moment you hit puberty. I actually thought you two would end up dating eventually. Or…” Her voice trailed off as she cocked a look at her daughter. “Did you? Did things end badly? Is that what happened?”

“No!” Kagome said a little too loudly. She released a pent up sigh, sitting back against the couch to ground herself at least a little. “No. We never dated. Inuyasha had no clue I had a crush on him.”

Sota snickered. “Remember the days when it was referred to as a crush. How nostalgic.”

“Shut up.”

“Then, what happened? Come on, if you’re going to have a breakdown in the middle of the living room floor, at least let me know why I need to step over you for the remainder of the night.”

Kagome looked to her brother. Her one confidant in all of this. He made an expression that basically told Kagome it was her choice, but she also got the feeling that it could have meant it was justified by now. She slouched back a bit, pouting as she plucked up the courage to reopen the door that was well on its way to being pried at this point. What good would it do to keep it locked up anymore? Clearly, she wasn’t as past it as she had originally had the audacity to think. She was beginning to wonder if she’d ever be. Or, would she end up a fifty year-old with a forever affection for her once neighbor?

“Nothing happened. I just - I broke the rules. You’re not supposed to fall for your best friend. It’ll never work out.”

“Oh my god.” Her mom was quick to react. “Did you really believe that? Kagome, did you sabotage yourself from day one?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Kagome huffed. “I was a kid; of course, that’s what I believed. After watching so many people lose their best friends that way, especially if they were the opposite sex because of the pressures in high school, what else was I supposed to think? So, I tried to force myself to let it go, but it just got worse and worse and worse. I won’t even try to tell you how bad it got, because it was pathetic and it makes me want to cry just thinking about it.”

“Was?” Sota murmured in remark. Smart enough to bring the rum with him this time, he pretended he hadn’t said anything when shot a glare, refilling the glasses as if her were the bartender on duty.

“Awe, honey.” Her mom coo’d sympathetically. “You really liked him.”

“Yes. I did. And, it sucked. Every second of it sucked.” Kagome replied, throwing her fist into the pillow at her side in a tiny fit. “It came to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was getting mixed signals from him, and it was really hard not to read into it all. When we went to college, I was grateful he moved away for his. Without him next to me all the time, I was able to let him go.

“Then, he was here for my going away party, and it was weird. I hated that it was weird. I knew it was my fault for being that way, so I wanted to fix it and get back onto some sort of friendly terms. I went to my room to go grab my phone off the charger, because I didn’t have my new number memorized yet and I wanted to give it to him. When I came back out, he was gone. So, I don’t know, I figured that was as good a sign as any that he wasn’t interested in reconnecting, and really, it was for the best. Because, I mean, look at me now. Can you imagine how much of a train wreck I’d be if we had constant communication again? If I had to be his best friend through relationships, and watch him be with another woman, and - you know what? - I’m okay without it. It was nice while it lasted, but it’s over.”

“Shot.” Sota urged her to take another, seeing how sad she truly was while running through it all. Kagome didn’t hesitate, tossing her head back as she swallowed the liquor that left a small burn in its wake.

“Okay, sweetie, I understand all that. I even kind of agree with you. If you felt it was best for you to part ways and move on back then, then no one has the right to tell you you’re wrong for that. But, what does that have to do with now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you still have feelings for him, but who’s to say that’s bad?”

“His wife?” Kagome grimaced. “I think she’d have a thing or two to say about that.”

“Who’s wife?” Her mom questioned, her head leaning to the side just slightly.

“Inuyasha’s?”

“Inuyasha has a wife?”

Kagome recoiled slightly, lips pursing with curiosity as she uttered her next words very slowly, “Doesn’t he?”

“No?” Finally clueing in to what Kagome was referring to, Mrs. Higurashi gasped, her expression widening. “No. No, he’s not married, Kagome.”

“He was engaged five years ago. When I was last here, he was right next door with a fiancé on his arm.”

“Right, yes. I remember now. No, Kagome. They didn’t go through with the wedding. Inuyasha’s not married.” Her mom assured.

Kagome’s mouth hung open. Then, shut. Opened again to show her silent astonishment. Then, shut. She turned her head to look at her brother on her left, watching his shoulders raise so high in a clueless shrug that he nearly knocked his ears.

“You didn’t know?” She asked him.

“Does this look like the face of someone in the know?” He returned. “No. For a while I was on a spiteful binge and hated him for no reason. All I knew was he hurt my sister. I didn’t care to hear anything about him.”

“And, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it because whenever I brought him up in conversation, you’d change the subject.” Their mom said to Kagome. “I figured, since you never told me straight out about your feelings for him, you wanted to leave things like that alone. If all you wanted to give me was that you didn’t talk anymore, then that’s what I’d run with. I didn’t know you thought he was married and that’s what was hurting you this whole time, honey.”

Kagome had gone mostly silent, though she didn’t look relieved. This scared her more than anything. The most detrimental thing was to think there was hope for something that wasn’t even there anymore. It was Inuyasha. Inuyasha brought back those residual feelings, but the security of who they were together was nonexistent now. To feel hope for something more at this point made her feel sillier than when she didn’t want to let go during their hugs all those years ago.

“Don’t tell me that.” She whispered. “Tell me he’s married.”

There was silence. Her family was slow to give her what she wanted, and she’d almost pushed them to do it when Sota spoke, beating her to the punch.

“What if you’re not disappointed this time?” He repeated himself from the day before.

Kagome smiled. It was dry. Her brown eyes flickered away to stare at the mahogany coffee table before them. “I’m not stupid.”

—

It wasn’t an appropriate time to check in on her emails. It was past eleven in the evening, and she was holding a blissful buzz with another spiked eggnog courtesy of Sota after allowing her earlier buzz to die down with a monumental amount of water. Yet, here she sat, pajamas on, drink in hand, an old Christmas movie playing on the TV, and her laptop right in front of her on the bed. She’d hadn’t climbed under the comforter yet. She knew the moment she did, the damn thing would claim her life and she’d be down for the count, and she was enjoying the peace of the evening too much to allow herself to sleep at the moment. Her brother and mother were in their own rooms, and while she was sure Sota was the only one awake beside her, the sound of his TV still noticeable through the walls, the atmosphere was still holding serene.

Her fingers scrolled on the mousepad, careful not to click on any emails that actually required attention. Some of those had read receipts on them, and the last thing she wanted to risk were any of her clients thinking she was back from vacation early. All Kagome intended to do was rid her inbox of the emails that didn’t apply to her. Those mass emails sent out company-wide but didn’t necessarily pertain to her department. There were even a couple announcements that could be quickly read and archived. If she did this every few days, her inbox may be a little more manageable when she returned to work the next week.

A few light knocks hit her ears, and instinctually, Kagome glanced up to the movie playing on her TV to see if that was where the sound had originated. It nearly matched the low volume she had it set on, blending in, but she could have sworn the scene playing didn’t have any sort of knocks. Without a second thought, Kagome let it go, taking a quick sip of her drink and diving right back into her emails before she heard two more. Brown eyes blinked over to the window across the room on her right, doing a double take and going painfully rigid as she noticed someone looking at her from behind the glass.

He quietly laughed, the grin beautiful on his features, and Kagome could only stare as she settled down from the startle. Inuyasha used to sneak over in the middle of the night so often as a teenager that Kagome almost didn’t think anything of it. Almost. The reaction lasted no more than a second before she remembered how long ago that was and who they were now. Suddenly, she didn’t know what to do. Did she open the window and let him in? For what? What was he even doing there? Why was he smiling like this was normal? But, she very well couldn’t leave him out there. That would be rude, and he had to have come over for a reason, right?

Coming to, Kagome shuffled off the bed and placed her cup on the nightstand, freezing in the middle of the floor as she realized the bedroom door was still open. Now, she questioned which came first: the window or the door? She was an adult now, so she didn’t need to hide his sudden appearance, right? Of course, it was the middle of the night and everyone in her house would be tipped off if they suddenly heard his voice. Additionally, they would wonder what he was doing there and come to her room to see what was going on. Looking back and forth a few times between the two options, Kagome decided to shut the door, rushing over to twist the knob and silently latch it.

Heading back to the window, she watched his eyes follow her the entire time. Not once did Inuyasha look away, his lips parting in the center before the corners curved in the softest grin. Remembering how the window used to stick, Kagome used the heels of her palms to hook under the rim at the top, giving the window a strong nudge so that it would slide up.

The outside air was nearly torturous as it hit her midriff, stomach, and then chest, her arms wanting so badly to wrap around her, but she had to loosen the screen for him first.

“Jesus, it’s…” Kagome couldn’t even finish that sentence. Her teeth were on the verge of clattering, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“I know. It’s cold.” He agreed, tone husky and low.

“What are you doing?”

“Came to say hi.”

Kagome stared down at him, blanking on what to say or do next. It was difficult to determine how to act right now.

She remembered him being a little shorter the last time this happened. His sweaters definitely weren’t so snug on him, and he rarely smiled like that. When he did, she distinctly recalled wondering if her infatuation was obvious, because even she knew she’d give it right back to him. His hair was so much shorter then, too. It was up in a ponytail again tonight, long, silver, and nearly blending with the snow beneath him that shimmered in the light of her room.

Inuyasha gave a small clear of his throat. “Brr…” He faked, reiterating himself. “It’s cold out here.”

“Oh, sorry.” Kagome snapped back, moving aside for him to climb into her room.

His chuckle was teasing and light, and he took the initiative to close the window as soon as he was inside. Her arms clung around her, protecting her chest from the sharp chill she’d been assaulted with.

“Why are you holding yourself like that?” He questioned, noticing how she was blocking her chest obscurely.

“I’m not wearing a bra.” She murmured, spinning around to grab the knitted cardigan she’d thrown on the back of the desk chair. Quickly, she shoved her arms inside the loose sleeves, ignoring his laugh as she wrapped the sides around her front to hide the evidence of her shiver.

All of a sudden, she was just standing there. Inuyasha slowly turned about her room, taking in the minor change in decor and layout, and Kagome was left to stare at him. What started off uncertain shifted into something warm. Something warm that she tried to force back into uncertainty, and it sort of worked. She was half and half while she gazed at his back, his shoulders, his profile. She was half and half as the quiet tried to take on a comforting feel and she just watched the way his large hands slid into his sweater pockets while he noticed the Christmas movie playing that she watched multiple times this season every year since it came out.

“Hi.” Inuyasha finally said, grabbing the remote on her bed and pausing the movie so she wouldn’t miss anything more.

“Hi.” Kagome matched the volume of his voice. She wondered if he knew how nervous he made her. She wondered if he could hear the beat of her heart, and if he could, would he wonder if the erratic rhythm was normal after hearing it so often as a teen? “What are you doing here?”

“Already told you.”

“You know, we have a front door.” She said with a playful smile that appeared of its own volition. “We’re not seventeen anymore. You’re more than welcome to use it now.”

Inuyasha chuckled, giving her a one-shouldered shrug. “Old time's sake.”

He backed up, leaning against the dresser as he took her in. She was uneasy; her body language said it all. Hell, he was too. It had been a long time since this sort of thing happened, and he was being bolder than he had in a while to just come up to her window expecting to be let in. This was the only way he could think to try, though. No younger brother to play buffer, no mothers in between, it was just he and Kagome right now.

“How are you?” He asked.

“I’m good.” She answered just a little too quickly, hugging herself a smidgen tighter. She needed to relax. Even before, she managed to play nonchalant better than this. “How are you?”

He’d almost bounded to the cliche response, the expected response - just as she had. Small talk was like second nature for most, and Inuyasha resisted the instinct to say he was fine. He was more of the direct type, much like Kagome naturally was. When Kagome meant business, she was straight to the point. He, himself, was notorious for how blunt he could be.

“Confused, actually.” He admitted, watching as she raised an eyebrow in response. “Maybe I should know the answer already - I don’t know. But, what is this?”

“Hm?” Kagome hummed in her own befuddlement.

“What happened, Kagome? How did we go from best friends to whatever the hell we are now?”

“We’re still friends.” She, again, answered too quickly in an attempt to cover from additional discomfort. It was dumb. Even she could admit her answer was weak and she was better off saying nothing, because Inuyasha scoffed instantly.

“Are we?” He asked incredulously, careful not to come off too confrontational.

Kagome was wise to keep her mouth shut that time, lips pursing warily as she notched her head slightly.

“I don’t get it. I really don’t. Again, maybe I should, but I’ve been racking my brain for hours and I seriously can’t remember doing anything to cause this big of a rift between us. So, can you remind me? Please? So, I can apologize for being a dick.”

Kagome felt something sour spreading in her abdomen, expression falling at his request. Was she doing this to him? Was their silence affecting him this bad right now? Why would he think he needed to apologize for something?

What could she say? Kagome hadn’t expected this at all. While he wasn’t appearing upset, she could tell by his broadened shoulders and the way he made eye contact just how earnest he was being. A part of her wall began to crumble then. Kagome held her breath wondering if she should get more mortar to repair the bricks that fell, or if she should embrace the vulnerability for the first time in forever.

“Uh-oh,” Kagome smirked cheekily. “You’re serious. The Inuyasha I knew never apologized.”

“Bullshit,” He rolled his eyes without vexation. “You’re one of the only people I ever apologized to, so give credit where credit is due.”

“Alright, alright. That’s fair.” Kagome raised her hands in reprieve, dropping the edges of her cardigan. He had her there. She was the only one he apologized to.

“So, what is it? What’d I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.” Kagome replied honestly.

“Then, what happened? How’d we get here?”

“Nothing happened, Inuyasha.” She hung her head, crossing over to the bed to shut her laptop as she noticed the screensaver come on. “We just - I don’t know - we just grew apart.”

He knew she’d say that. Because, he’d been saying the same shit. It was the easiest excuse, but it didn’t add up to him. Or, anyone really. It was cheap, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something.

“So far apart that we’re faking phone calls to avoid saying hi to each other?”

“What?” Her attention snapped back over to him, embarrassment going from subtle to a heated flush on her cheeks.

“Come on, Kagome, you think I’m that stupid?” Inuyasha crossed his arms over his front, sneering knowingly.

Her jaw dropped but the only noises Kagome was producing came out as quiet guffaws as she looked around disbelievingly. He waited. One thing definitely hadn’t changed. Kagome was still sloppy under pressure.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She finally said.

“Oh, you don’t?”

“If you’re referring to the call I was on yesterday, that was very much real.”

“Was it?”

“Very much so.”

“Alright, then where are your headphones?” Inuyasha challenged smoothly.

Kagome spun around in place, praying that her mother kept a random pair on the bedside table. When she came up empty, she thought fast, covering for herself as she completed her three-sixty and was back to looking at Inuyasha. “They’re in my purse, and my purse is in the living room.”

“Ah, convenient.” He bobbed his head. He thought to call her out and point to her purse on the desk, but decided against it. It was enough knowing he had her pinned as it was.

“What is this, an interrogation?”

“I’m just trying to figure out how we suddenly went from Inuyasha and Kagome to Inuyasha - and - Kagome.” The half demon said, emphasizing the spaces between their names.

“Suddenly? Inuyasha, we’re in our late twenties now. This didn’t happen yesterday.”

“Maybe so, but I’m asking the questions I should have asked then.”

“And, I’m giving you the answers.”

“You’re not giving me anything.”

“I’m giving you what I have.”

“If that were the case, I’d have something to work with.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, I guess.”

“Fine.” Inuyasha threw his hands up to yield, pushing himself from the dresser. Dancing around the subject in circles wasn’t going to do anything for them. It would only worsen what they were currently struggling with, and Inuyasha found no fucking point in that. “If that’s it, then that’s it.”

“What?” She questioned, thrown off but how easily he tossed in the towel.

“I don’t know if this is really the truth - that we grew apart over night. Or, if you just don’t want to talk about it. From the looks of how uncomfortable you are, I’d say the latter. Or fuck, maybe it’s both. Guess I’ll just have to settle with that.” He shrugged indignantly, heading toward the window.

“Wait, but -“ Kagome shook her head, hoping it was a surefire way to arrange her thoughts. “I don’t - Where is this coming from? Why do you care now?”

The half demon let out a single puff of air from his nose, like an effortless chuckle to show ambivalence. Looking over his shoulder, he passed Kagome an expression of disbelief that leaned on the side of withheld amusement. “You’re an idiot. If you think I didn’t care about losing you…”

He didn’t even have to finish that sentence and the air was punched out of Kagome’s lungs. Her shoulder’s deflated so much that the large cardigan slipped off of one, bunching around the crook of her elbow. In an effort to save herself, she’d hurt him. Inuyasha wasn’t shy when placing the blame on others, but there were certain scenarios where he was more than willing to take the fault. This entire time, she’d thought their loss of contact was simple. She’d thought it could easily be passed off as a coincidental slip in time where they missed each other and then grew up. Kagome hadn’t once thought that he didn’t see it the same way, or that he’d remotely think he’d done something to cause this. Or, maybe the problem was, Kagome hadn’t thought of Inuyasha at all.

That was necessary, she felt. To move on, she had to make the decision to consider her own feelings. Only her feelings. She remembered it hurting to like him as much as she did with no chance of reciprocation. What was younger Kagome supposed to do? Hanging onto something like that would have been stupid. In order to let the version of him that she’d romanticized so much go, she utilized their busy college schedules and gradually… stopped.

With Inuyasha’s hands on the window frame, pushing it up to make his escape, Kagome was rethinking everything now. She didn’t want him to continue thinking he was at fault for anything, she didn’t want him feeling put down when all he seemed to want was his best friend back. Maybe not even that. Maybe he just wanted her back. Either way, the damaged and now-irreparable wall she’d stood behind around him was taking her resolution with it. Quickly. Her panic to once avoid being alone with him now turned into a panic that couldn’t watch him leave.

She sighed out audibly, feeling fed up with her own self. Her head fell back with a light groan, dropped forward so her dark, wavy hair hung around her shoulders, and then she peeked up through her bangs, blowing out a puff of air to clear her vision. Inuyasha’s attention was caught, mid-crouch out the window but looking back at her now.

“Stop.” She breathed, and with that left the last of the version of her that pretended she wanted nothing to do with him. “Don’t go.”

His heart gave a thump that both rattled and brought warmth. When she looked up, she didn’t seem quite so troubled anymore. Kagome actually appeared like she wanted to talk to him for the first time since her stay.

“Are you sure?” Inuyasha asked.

“Don’t go.” She repeated, a smile forming.

Inuyasha shut the window, hoping the chill hadn’t touched her from where she was standing. Kagome ran her fingers through her hair, uncaring of how her waves fell back into place as she crossed the floor toward the nightstand and downed whatever beverage was in the cup. The large, knitted cardigan remained hanging off of one shoulder, the color pastel and not matching with the red, flannel bottoms she wore, but still complimenting her perfectly well. He’d seen her in the most frumpy clothes while home sick with the flu before and still found her cute. Disgusting, but cute.

“Y’know,” Kagome began, leaning against the mattress at her low back, held high by the large frame her mother had gotten her long ago. “Old-time’s-sake-you usually came over with a snack.”

Inuyasha released a light laugh, appreciating her newfound, laidback demeanor as his right hand dove into his sweater pocket to pull out a sandwich baggy with three cookies in it. He tossed them onto the bed beside her, watching her face light up as she snatched the bag to indulge in one of his mother’s homemade recipes.

“I know the toll.” He joked, snagging the rolling desk chair to sit on backwards. “No entry without food.”

“Of all the information in the world, I’m glad that’s something you retained.” The giggle off her tongue was silky and Inuyasha felt a small part of himself relax. This. This was Kagome. This was the girl he’d missed so much. This was her without a guard.

“So,” His tone remained husky and low, dragging out the word until it died off with the last of his breath. “Did I really do nothing?”

Kagome climbed up on her bed, taking a seat on the edge. Her hands rubbed together back and forth and her shoulders hunched with the discomfort of the weight she’d put on top of herself. Telling him the whole truth was unnecessary. It would lead down a road of feelings she didn’t want nor need to unpack, and may only make him feel uncomfortable. It was avoidable.

“You didn’t do anything, Inuyasha.” She shook her head, looking him in the eyes as she said it. “I’m really sorry.”

“For what?”

For pulling away.

“For making you think that this whole time.”

Inuyasha disregarded it with a flick of his wrist. “Eh, fuck it. You didn’t make me think anything. If we really did grow apart, then it’s my dumbass fault for not realizing it sooner and doing something about it.”

“I could have done the same thing.” She quickly and blindly rebutted.

“Fuck it.” He repeated more resolutely that time. Inuyasha dropped his head, smooth, silver hair falling over his shoulder from the knot at the crown. When he picked it back up, he granted her that infamous, soft smile that caused her to hold her breath in order to prevent any sort of reaction. “It’s done now. Here we are.”

“Here we are.” Kagome echoed in a whisper, fruitlessly pulling her cardigan sleeve up to cover her nearly bare shoulder that her tank top did nothing for. The sleeve easily fell back down, a little too large for her frame, and she had no endeavor to put up a fight with it.

“We cool?” He asked.

“Yeah.” She breathed, letting some tension fall as another grin developed on her lips. “We’re cool.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll stop being weird around you now.”

“Thank god.” The half demon dropped his head back in relief. “Tomorrow was gonna be really fucking rough if that kept up.”

“I’m surprised you were even gonna go.” She laughed. “It seemed like you were against it, too.”

“Kagome, you were acting like I was contagious with the bubonic plague! Was I supposed to happily hop on board the fun train?”

“Oh, I wasn’t that bad. Don’t be dramatic. It was more like tuberculosis.”

He sputtered out a laugh, lolling his head to the side. “Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry!” She urged in a hoarse whisper, trying not to be too loud. “I didn’t know how to act around you anymore!”

“Well, I’ll give you a hint: not like that.”

“Look, in my defense, the last time I saw you in person, you didn’t look like that.”

Inuyasha glanced down at himself. His arms opened wide in an extreme shrug before he shot her a confused expression. “Like what!?”

“Like you live at the gym and you only eat protein and vegetables.” Kagome fired, grabbing a cookie from the bag he’d tossed her earlier. “Here, eat some freaking sugar. You need it more than I do.”

He was trying so hard not to gape, a stiff laugh wheezing from his throat. “I go to the gym three times a week like a normal person, and I eat like shit. I’ve just got good genetics.”

“Unfair genetics.” She corrected, rolling her eyes and taking a bite of her treat.

“I’m sorry, are you…” Inuyasha couldn’t help the cheeky grin that formed, his tongue swiping over his teeth. “Are you saying I’m attractive?”

“No.” She lied. Horribly. There was very minimal effort put into it, really. “I’m saying I thought you were someone else for a moment and it threw me off kilter.”

“Right. Because, how many people do you know with dog ears on their head?”

Kagome let out a cheap scoff. “Like I was even looking at your ears.”

They both stopped. Kagome realized what she’d said and her expression blanked. Those words had just come out of her mouth. Where had her shame gone for that moment? Where was the little voice in her head that advised, “hm, maybe don’t say that.”? One minute, she was terrified to talk to him, the next she was admitting how alluring his body was. Apparently, there was no in between for her. Maybe that’s what she should have been worried about all along.

Though his smile only grew wider after the initial shock of her statement wore off, Inuyasha could feel his flush dangerously ignite. He’d been flustered only a few times before in his life, and it really took a lot to make him as speechless as he was, but this heat he felt now was creeping down his neck and over his chest. He was glad there wasn’t a mirror in front of him, because if he knew he looked as red as he felt, he’d be out the window pretty fucking quickly. This wasn’t the first time Kagome had let it slip that she found him handsome. In the eleventh grade, she’d forced him to go to the junior prom with her, and he nearly had a meltdown from the way she’d stared at him. Being the lightweight that she was, after a sip of some strong shit one of their friends had snuck in, she’d commented on how good he looked while taking the opportunity to fix the tie he’d loosened. He’d had to hold his breath to maintain composure, and it barely worked to prevent his inward scream of pining agony.

“What were you looking at then?” He mischievously asked, his recovery bringing out the impish side of him.

“Oh, dear lord.” Kagome grumbled nervously. Her brown eyes bounded to the ceiling as her head fell back slightly before she remembered she’d finished her beverage. With a little wobble, she slid off her tall bed, grabbing for the empty mug. “I want a drink, do you want a drink?”

He laughed. So hard, he couldn’t fathom a response past a nod. She was so jittery that it was impossible not to laugh. The girl was out the door fast, leaving it cracked behind her while the thick socks on her feet slid along the wooden floor in the hall.

She’d forgone the eggnog this time. During their trip to the store, she and Sota grabbed a little more than rum for versatility. Their mother, not being a drinker, griped all the way down the alcohol aisle. The rum and wine were for taste. The tequila was purely for reaction. Tonight, it was coming in handy. She mixed two shots each with glasses of strawberry lemonade, took a deep breath, and then headed back into her bedroom.

Inuyasha was standing with his back to her, looking at a few framed pictures at the top of the bookshelf in the far corner of the room. He glanced back as she entered with a small nudge of her foot to shut the door behind her, going right back to gazing at the professionally taken graduation photo. Kagome wore her black robe and sash, blue dress beneath, sitting on the edge of a water fountain with the cap she’d decorated with monumental amounts of glitter in her hand.

“I can’t tell what you majored in.” He mentioned, taking the drink she’d made for him with a notch of his chin as thanks. “Did you go for meteorology like you’d planned?”

With a small snort and an enthusiastic shake of her head, Kagome replied, “No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because, I hate being wrong.” She joked. “How often is the forecasted weather ever right?”

“About ten percent of the time.” He chuckled, taking a healthy chug of the fruity drink she’d made him.

Kagome hummed, taking a sip of her own as she went back to sitting on the mattress. “Exactly. Those odds were not pretty enough for me.”

“So, what’d you choose?”

“Well, I played around with broadcast journalism, but ended up majoring in English with a minor in creative writing.”

“Oh, shit.” He was colored impressed. He should have expected that with how much she’d enjoyed reading back in their earlier years. “So, what do you do now?”

“I’m a developmental editor for authors.” She replied bashfully. Her lips had pursed minutely and she shrugged as if it were no big deal. “Was actually just promoted to which.”

Inuyasha smiled, leaning back where he stood and he had to admit that a sense of pride took over when she’d said that. In his eyes, she’d made it far. Kagome was too humble for her own good; she should have been boasting about her promotion, celebrating, meeting his eyes and saying it as proudly as he suddenly felt in her stead.

“What about you?” Kagome asked with a wave of her hand and a shake of her head. It was to dismiss herself and take the attention off of her; an ism that hadn’t changed from before.

“No, wait, wait -“ He tried, wanting to give her some sort of congratulations.

“No,” She whined, releasing a soft giggle mixed within. “Your mom talked about me earlier, you’re hearing this now, enough about me. I haven’t heard anything about your life. Please catch me up.”

He was reluctant. But, it was difficult not to give her what she wanted right now. Taking another drink from his cup, he leaned back against the desk next to the bookshelf. “What do you want to hear?”

“Everything.” Kagome smiled eagerly. When he wasn’t quick to pick up the topic, she gave him a place to start. “College. Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do?”

“No.” He chuckled. “But, I mean, I graduated. So, I guess that’s something. Sort of landed myself in the criminal justice field, and now I’m a forensic investigator.”

Kagome looked amazed, highly interested as she leaned forward in her seat. “So, what do you do?”

“Investigate crime scenes.”

“Like, a cop?”

“No, cops are the ones that call us in. You ever seen Law & Order?”

“That’s like asking if I breathe. Of course, I have.”

“You see the guys taking photos of literally everything, collecting fingerprints, bagging shit, so on and so forth?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m the guy they come back to. Usually, I’m on the scene helping, but more often than anything, I’m analyzing it all in a lab. I help determine what happened during the crime using the evidence brought back to me.”

She wanted to go on and on about how cool that was. About how proud of him she was. About how she always knew he was super intelligent and he was just too lazy to truly apply himself. But, Inuyasha never really had a dream or aspirations growing up. He just wanted to get out of their small town. The money he’d gotten from his father’s passing, it went straight to his tuition. And, he left.

“Do you like it?” Kagome asked considerately. The degree and career may have been happenstance, but his happiness was what she’d considered most important.

“I don’t hate it.” He shrugged. “It’s what I’d consider to be a bit of a dirty job, though. You’re not always prepared for what you’re going to walk into. Even when I’m not on the scene and I’m one-hundred percent in the lab, what’s brought back to me isn’t always pretty. But, the bills are paid and I’m rarely bored.”

Inuyasha was only passionate about a few things in life, so she couldn’t have expected much more from him there. If his body language and fine-print messages remained the same, Inuyasha was telling Kagome that he was content.

“What else?”

“What else?” He repeated softly, thinking. He took a sip as he pondered, trying not to blank on the ins and outs of his life like one normally would when asked to talk about themselves. With the look she was giving him, he was sure even the mundane details would astonish her right now. It was a form of intimacy, so subtle and small, that he was now convinced only she was capable of. “I live in a city about eight hours south of here, have a townhouse, thinking of getting a dog or something, uh, and that’s about all I can think of on the spot.”

Kagome crinkled her nose. “I thought you lived closer. That drive must have been horrible for you, too.”

“Grueling.” Inuyasha concurred. “How far are you? Ten hours?”

“No, a little less.”

“Still more than eight. You poor thing.”

“My butt was thoroughly numb when I showed up.”

He chuckled, “Alright, your turn. Catch me up.”

“Hey, no.” Kagome argued, recoiling some. “I had successfully taken the topic off of me.”

“It’s not fair that you know every little detail about my life and I merely know what your career is.” Inuyasha exaggerated with a smirk.

“Every little -“ She gawked incredulously. “You gave me, like, three things.”

“What can I say? I’m not very interesting.” He shrugged carelessly.

“If that’s the case, neither am I.” She copied his shrug.

“Bullshit, you’re just annoyingly modest and hate talking about yourself. Come on, Kagome. Fair is fair. Give me something. What’s your cat’s name?”

“Why do you assume I have a cat!?” Kagome laughed, trying not to spill her drink as she fell forward some.

“Because, it’s you. Am I wrong?”

She feigned annoyance, avoiding his amused eyes. “His name’s Buyo.”

“That’s what I thought. Your hobbies?”

“Sleeping past seven and painting.”

“Painting? That’s new.”

“Not really. I started experimenting a few years ago. Of course, when we haven’t seen each other in five years, I guess you wouldn’t know that.”

“Five years?” Inuyasha’s eyes slanted and brows furrowed as he thought back. That was a huge chunk of time to get so wrong. “Try eight years.”

Mindlessly, Kagome kept going. “No, it was five years. Because, you were here with that same truck and - No, it was eight years.” She snapped to as she grasped exactly where she’d went wrong.

Oh no.

Looking down at the half-full glass in her hands, Kagome silently cursed it. Alcohol was doing the exact opposite of helping her tonight. As if it were spoiled milk, she quickly set the glass down on the nightstand, pulling her hand away in unmitigated disgust. She could recover from this. She could play nonchalant and climb her way out of the hole she’d just dug. So long as she stayed calm and collected, Inuyasha would have no reason to suspect her slip was anything more than such.

“You’re right, it was eight years.” She gave a short chuckle as if to mock herself, tapping her forehead with the pad of her middle finger. “Can you believe it’s been - I almost forgot my party was that long ago.”

Inuyasha wasn’t fast to respond. That didn’t make sense, something wasn’t adding up. Kagome had mentioned his truck. He’d gotten the thing just before coming out. Five years ago. Bright, and shiny, and new. He remembered this, because it was his first brand new vehicle, no less a truck he’d been eyeing for quite some fucking time. When he’d come home for summer break the year Kagome was transferring from community college to a university, he’d flown in. His crappy, nineteen-ninety, rusted sedan that his mom had gotten for him for no more than fifteen hundred dollars stood no chance of surviving a multi-state drive. The only vehicle parked in his mother’s driveway eight years ago was her own SUV. As far as he knew, this was the very first time Kagome should have been seeing his charcoal truck at all. So, how was she getting the two occasions confused?

“Five years ago?” His voice was gruff as he continued to ponder, leaning his seat a little further on the desk.

“No, I was wrong.” Kagome continued to try. “It was definitely eight years.”

“My truck…”

“I was wrong.”

Amber eyes darted to her then. He was right. It clicked from what she’d just said, and he was right. But, why was she covering something from him? All it was doing was making him more curious. “What’s up?” He asked suspiciously.

“Nothing’s up.” She responded, her voice taking on a higher pitch of anxiety.

“Kagome,” He pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes tight before sighing out and looking back at her. “You hate being wrong. You’d said so yourself not too long ago, and I’ve known that since I met you. Now, you’re just going to admit it? No. That’s too casual.”

“But -“

“Five years ago, what was that? What was going on that year?” He thought, brows pinching inward yet again.

Did she remain firm? Did she give up the act? It was hard to tell what the right thing to do was right now. It didn’t seem likely that she was going to be able to save herself, and it had her heart rate skyrocketing.

Remembering clearly, Inuyasha looked back up at her with disconcertment. Kagome was stiff, her hands rubbing back and forth over each other as her teeth pressed into the plush of her bottom lip. Her body language confirmed it all.

“You were here?”

Kagome swallowed thickly, feeling the pressure of the saliva glide down her throat. For some reason, she couldn’t answer him. She couldn’t even shake her head no anymore. The look in his eye, the way his brows hooded over them, he’d figured it out and she had done nothing but basically corner herself.

“No, you - you weren’t.” Inuyasha argued with himself, thinking of the logistics of her being so close without him knowing. “Your brother was home, but you weren’t around. I remember this. There wasn’t another car parked out front, and the two times I saw your family, you weren’t with them.”

Another thick swallow, and Kagome was having difficulty meeting his eye contact anymore. Maybe setting down her drink was the wrong choice. She should have downed it. There wasn’t nearly enough liquid courage in her for what she was about to admit. The disturbance in her abdomen was making her fidget more than usual, and she didn’t know how to quell it. Later, she was going to have a very stern talk with herself in the mirror about how she needed to learn some freaking chill and stop throwing herself under the goddamn bus. Other people are supposed to do that for her.

With a slow, deep sigh, Kagome told him the truth. “I was here.”

Inuyasha didn’t looked pleased. He looked bemused. Perplexed, even. This was troubling him. “You were.” He stated more than asked.

“Sota was still in high school, so he didn’t have a car. Mine was in the garage.”

“Fucking hell.” He said on a rough exhale, swiping his hand over his face. “How the fuck did I miss you?”

“I mean, you were a little preoccupied. It’s completely understandable.” Kagome said in meager defense.

“No. No, it isn’t Kagome. Me wanting to talk to you, it wasn’t spur of the moment. I didn’t see you yesterday and think it was time for a sudden walk down memory lane. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long fucking time; I just had no way. If I had known you were here then - which I should have - I would have done something about it.”

Kagome was feeling hot. Her face, her neck, her shoulders, all hot. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to see her. She couldn’t process that right now.

“You wouldn’t have been able to and you know it.” Kagome said, dropping her head to the side as if this should have been common sense.

“God, no fucking wonder you faked a phone call.” It was like a light bulb had gone bright over his head, the epiphany hitting him in the gut full force. “Apparently, I’ve been no better. You were right here, and I didn’t even pay close enough attention to realize that. Look, if you thought I was ignoring you, I wasn’t. I swear to god, I wasn’t.” He frantically explained, finally setting his glass down before his hand flinging to gesture toward the past caused him to spill anything. “I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid me after I probably made you feel that way, but I didn’t fucking mean to, I promise you that.”

No. Not again. Why was he blaming himself again? How did he not jump toward accusations with her? If it were anyone else, he’d point fingers and ask what the hell was the matter with them. She couldn’t take it. The guilt was overwhelming, and the last thing she wanted was for Inuyasha to think he’d done anything wrong.

This was on her.

“Inuyasha, you can’t see someone that doesn’t want to be seen.”

“What?” He questioned, confused.

Kagome released a guttural sigh as she buried her face in her hands, bucking up the courage to just get it over with. Her knees bounced a few times, so she pulled some tension off of them to stop, giving her bottom lip a good bite before she damned it all and ripped the bandaid off swiftly.

“You didn’t know I was here because I didn’t want you to. I was hiding. I wore Sota’s clothes so I could mask my scent from you, that I’m surprised even worked. At the time, I was interning for a really shitty company that didn’t want to give me my full, requested vacation off, so the only way I could come out here was to bring work with me. When my mom wanted to go somewhere, I used it to my advantage and said I had a meeting to Skype into. And, this is not your fault, okay? It’s not! I panicked, and we all know how rational I am under pressure. It’s just - I saw you, and I freaked. It was the first time in what felt like forever, and I was going to say hi because I thought I was fine enough to do so, but then I saw her and I ran. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. I mean, everyone moves on with their life, and we’d grown up, and I was really happy you were happy, but I didn’t expect you to be engaged. Engaged. So, me being me, I wanted to avoid the awkward meeting at all costs and booked it out of there. That was when Sota found out everything, so he was in on it, and he gave me his clothes to wear so that you wouldn’t realize I was -“

“Wait, woah, wait a second. What?” Inuyasha looked like he had a headache with the way he pressed his fingers into his temples. He gaped at Kagome, face twisted in perturbation. That was a lot to be thrown at him in the span of a rambling thirty seconds. “What did Sota find out? What do you mean, fine enough to say hi? Am I missing something here?”

“Of course, you are. That was the whole point.” She rasped, reaching for her drink to moisten her nervously-dry throat. Inuyasha stomped forward and she knew that look, instantly kicking her foot out and leaning back to withhold him while she managed to steal a healthy gulp before he successfully stole it from her. The battle was fruitless. He ignored her protest and walked back over to the bookcase to set it on top.

“No more until you tell me what’s up.”

“Give it back.” She grumbled with a pout, having followed him over. Her arms crossed over her chest, and he mentally counted down from three, hitting one right as she stomped her foot as expected.

“God, you’re such a baby.”

“Yes.” She didn’t even try to defend herself, still holding her pathetic attempt at what was supposed to be a scowl.

“I’m not giving it back. I’m cutting you off until you talk to me.”

She gasped. “Manipulator.”

“You just told me you hid from me. I think I deserve to know why.”

“I told you why.”

“Because, I was engaged?”

Kagome’s heart gave a painful twist, and she recognized the threat it posed to climb into her throat and make if harder to speak. She took a step back and ducked her head, knowing he took that as a solid confirmation when he leaned back against the desk again with a shallow breath.

“What’s going on?” He reached again.

With unsteady hands, Kagome raked her fingers through her hair, disturbing the smoothness of her groomed bangs in doing so. She could hardly put more effort into fixing what she knew was sitting in disarray past a small shake of her head to hope the force would help them remember their place. Too shy to make the eye contact he was searching for, Kagome tucked herself into her sweater and held on tight.

“See, okay.” She started stammeringly. “A long time ago, back in high school - oh gosh. Okay.” Kagome took a breath, nearly laughing at how ridiculous she was being right now. “You weren’t just my best friend, Inuyasha. Not to me. I was - god - I had the fattest crush on you. It was so bad. I didn’t know what to do about it. So, I said I thought I was fine to say hi because I’d figured by then the feelings were long gone.”

Inuyasha had to wonder if he was still breathing. He could feel it coming. The anguish was right around the corner at discovering she had feelings for him way back when and he’d missed it. She was always right there, right beside him, and he was none the wiser that she felt the same exact way that he did.

“Were they?”

“Yes.” She lied. She was stiff, and even she didn’t believe herself. “No. I don’t know.”

“But, you saw my fiancé?”

“Yeah.” Kagome breathed, unable to find her voice for that.

“And…”

“And, I hid.”

Inuyasha took a deep breath, grabbing his own drink and finishing it off. He bobbed his head a few times, letting the information settle. He didn’t want to stew in silence, though. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he thought back to every lingering gaze she’d given him, every gentle touch, every late night together where they spoke very little but enjoyed each other’s company, every hug, everything. It had meant something to her.

“It was pretty unfair of you to wear your brother’s clothes to hide from me. Everything around here smells like you. You don’t even live in this room anymore and I can still smell it from my house. It’s like searching for a needle in a haystack sometimes. Anytime I’m here, I can’t stop thinking you’re right next to me when you’re not. The one time you actually are, and you trick my nose into thinking it’s crazy.”

“What was I supposed to do? Fake a smile, pretend I was fine, and make nice just to please an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in years?”

“No.”

“What would you have done?”

He went taut. What would he have done if she had a fiancé while he was still crazy about her? It was a topic he preferred not to think about now that it was on his mind. It made his stomach feel sour, it made a lump swell up in his throat. To think of someone getting to her first when he was too stupid to step up didn’t sit well with him at all. But, was he considering the idea for feelings that were around years ago, or was this relevant to now?

Kagome noticed he seemed uncomfortable with the question, and she instantly regretted asking it. It could easily be misconstrued to assume he’d ever had feelings for her, so she hastily corrected herself. “If - if you were in my shoes. You know, not like - forget it.”

To lighten the mood and dismiss some of the tension in the room right now, which was beneficial for the both of them at this point, Inuyasha reached up for her drink, bringing it down for her. She clutched the glass eagerly with both hands, taking three gulps before cringing from the strength of the tequila hitting her throat.

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” He teased. There was a deep shade of red on her cheeks and Inuyasha couldn’t tell if she was still feeling bashful or if choking on her drink had caused the hue. He had to admit, he liked when she was flushed. He liked when she tucked herself into a sweater too large, always threatening to fall off of one shoulder or the other, and he liked when she licked her lips to drag her bottom one between her teeth.

She sneered, ambling back toward the nightstand beside the bed, and drinking a little slower that time until her glass was empty. She may as well. It’s not like she could dig her grave any deeper at this point.

“So, you didn’t like that I was engaged.” He speculated.

She froze.

“Because, you still had feelings for me.”

She could tell where this was going. Was he trying to hand her a shovel or something?

“Or, may have.” He continued. “You’re not sure. Either way, how do you explain running from me yesterday?”

Kagome spun around on her heel, black hair flipping over her shoulder. “I did not run.”

“Jogged.”

He cocked a brow in her gape of silence, a smug grin developing on his face.

“I was on the phone.” She said meekly.

“We’ve already proven that to be wrong.”

Why was his voice so smooth right now? What was this deep hitch he was presenting? He needed to go back to his normal tone, because this was dangerous for her.

Still, understanding he was fucking around, Kagome pinched back an embarrassed smile. “Oh, shut up.”

“No, no. Tell me. Please. Enlighten me.”

“Why are you so hung up over that one thing? Obsessive much?”

“It’s perfectly rational to be curious about why someone may be avoiding you.”

“I don’t know. It sounds like I just hurt your feelings.” Kagome teased right back.

“My feelings.” He let out a light scoff, crossing the space to her. “Not quite.”

“Your ego?”

“Maybe, I just don’t like watching you walk away from me.”

Kagome looked up at him as he stopped before her. He was daring. Her heart gave an excited thump, and for the first time, she didn’t want to hide from whatever this was. In fact, the opposite. She didn’t quite know what he was trying to do, but she couldn’t help the challenge rising in her.

“Maybe you’re just looking at the wrong thing.”

Inuyasha chuckled, nearly defeatedly. Cheeky motherfucker, this one. She had him on that, but he wasn’t about to pull away. Just a few more seconds. They were within a proximity where their voices were hushed, and their chests almost touched. Almost. He wouldn’t touch her, though. Not yet. Not now. He wanted the suspense to drag her under again.

“Admit it.” His voice gave a small rumble from how low he’d kept it and Kagome’s lashes fluttered as she couldn’t resist the pull to glance down at his lips for the smallest moment.

“I thought you were married.” She breathed.

“I’m not.” He said.

“I know.”

“Things didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh.” Kagome sighed unsteadily. It was like the more he spoke to her this way, the deeper she got lost in a trance. His eyes traveled from her own to her lips and back, slow, the warmth of his golden irises physiologically affecting her. This wasn’t a game to Inuyasha, either. He didn’t joke around like this. She, of all people, would know. He was doing this on purpose.

“If you thought I’ve been married all this time,” Inuyasha brought a hand up to hover near the crumpled sleeve of her arm, allowing the heat of his body to radiate onto her own. “Why’d you avoid me now, years later?”

Her collar bones popped out a tiny bit further as Kagome dragged in a careful breath, chest and shoulders rising just a little. She didn’t respond. But, she didn’t break eye contact either. He knew the answer from that alone, and a satisfied smile appeared of its own volition.

Inuyasha leaned in an inch further, reveling in the hitch from her lungs. “I want you to think about what I said tonight. About your scent being everywhere. Think about it and let it sit. Why would I say that?” If he’d touched her in that moment, he would have been the one to fold. At this point, his mindfulness was heating the both of them. Inuyasha stole one last glance at her parted lips before fixing to take a step back. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kagome was past the point of enraptured. Completely stunned, she’d almost forgotten to watch him as he headed toward the window. An admission she’d thought was bound to ruin things took a turn she wasn’t expecting in the least. While her stomach was completely jostled by the quick pace of butterflies flapping their wings and finding no escape, she couldn’t say she was upset by it. What was happening, she didn’t quite yet know the answer to. But, it was something she was eager to explore.

Her eyes flickered to him as he opened the window, turning to grant her one last smile. It was sweet. Soft. Sauntering over, Kagome returned it, stopping just before the window frame as his feet hit the ground on the opposite side. Silently, he grabbed the screen they’d removed for him to enter, holding it center so that she could fasten it.

“Goodnight.” She said, reaching for the top of the window, slowly pulling it shut. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

—

Anytime I’m here, I can’t stop thinking you’re right next to me when you’re not.

Even if he hadn’t told her to think about it, those words would have echoed in her ears all night anyway. It was all she could think about, really. She’d laid in bed, staring at the ceiling while the TV flashed colors and images over her walls, but nothing tore her mind away from what he’d told her. As she’d come down from the sensual adrenaline he’d injected her with, she began to overthink and over analyze.

Why would I say that?

“I don’t know, why would you say that?” She’d found herself grumbling in the middle of the night before grabbing one of her pillows and throwing it on top of her own face.

The only conclusion she’d come up with was one that made her entire body feel light and wobbly. Her heart gave a thump, and she wasn’t sure if she was willing to encourage the idea to stick around. At first. The moment she’d thought it may be best to push it to the back of her mind, she remembered the way he was looking at her. How close he was standing. How his hand had hovered near her arm and caused a wild series of gooseflesh to course over her body. He hadn’t even touched her, and she could feel him. Someone doesn’t just accidentally do something like that. She’d never seen that side of him before, but she knew Inuyasha was serious. She knew he wouldn’t toy with her. That was when the idea made home, roots gradually gliding through the ridges of her brain to stick around for good.

All day, she’d kept herself distracted by spending time with her family. The less she thought about it, the smaller her chances of malfunctioning before it was even time to leave. If she had, then she’d have to explain what had happened, and that was a whole mess she’d prefer to avoid altogether.

Most of their day was calm. They watched movies, got the decorations prepared, ate an early dinner, and then it was time to get ready to go. Kagome stood in front of her mirror, leaning in close as she blended her eyeshadow out a little further. Her bedroom door was open and her younger brother stopped in the doorway, giving her time to realize he was there before he walked through and startled her. A trait about him that she appreciated since she was currently putting makeup on her eyes.

“What do you think? How do I look?” She asked, presenting her outfit by turning toward him and spreading her arms out.

“Clothed.” Sota carelessly said, welcoming himself in and walking over to her bed. He was dressed and ready to go, hair doing it’s own thing, hands tucked into his sweater pockets with a beanie poking out at the side.

She groaned. “You’re useless.”

“Speaking of,” He guffawed, rolling himself onto the mattress and making himself comfortable as she went right back to doing her makeup. “You want to know what else is useless?”

“Hm?” Kagome hummed, not minding him anymore.

“Muting your TV when you’re gonna have a loud conversation you don’t want anyone to hear.”

Kagome stopped, eyes dulling as her mouth dropped open an inch. Very, very slowly, she turned to look at the extremely smug expression on her brother’s face. It was like her stomach was being held in place by two feeble strings and they were losing their knot, steadily dropping the organ lower and lower.

“No.” She mouthed, mortified.

“Yeah.” He returned in the same sense.

“Does she know?” Kagome asked, pointing out of her room in a gesture to their mother.

“God no.” Sota snorted. “She’s the heaviest fucking sleeper around, you know that.”

Her face was red, she just knew it. She felt so unbelievably hot that her eyes burned from the embarrassment, her nerves making her fight back a laugh. “Oh my god, did you hear anything?”

“Bitch, the moment I heard him in your room, I turned my TV up. Walls are thin, May. You think I want to hear -“

“Oh, ew! No!” Kagome lunged to smack him in the arm, missing when he jerked away. “We didn’t do anything! Why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” His voice dropped to a mocking level. “Maybe because you’re twenty-eight and twenty-nine, are sickeningly in love with him, and the dude snuck into your room at eleven o’clock at night. If that’s not the makings for a good time, I don’t know what is.”

“Well, we didn’t.” Kagome scorned. “We just talked.”

“Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”

Kagome swung again, this time slapping her hand right on his chest. Sota clutched his left side, curling slightly in pain.

“My nipple.” He cried.

“We just talked.”

“Okay, okay.” Sota laughed at how defensive she easily got, rubbing the sting away and getting comfortable again. As she went back to finishing her makeup, he continued. “So, how’d it go.”

“Well, I guess.” Kagome gave a deep sigh. “We caught up a bit.”

“That’s it?”

“And, I let it slip that I hid from him when I saw that he was engaged.”

“That’s the Kagome we know and love. How’d he react? Did he blow a fuse? Get all butt hurt?”

Kagome looked over her shoulder at him, bashfulness hitting her once again as she remembered him standing so close. Sota sat up, reading her expression and his interest piqued ten fold. So, Kagome had pulled a Kagome, but Inuyasha hadn’t pulled a classic Inuyasha act? “How’d he react, May?”

“Very,” She paused, searched for a word to best explain things without giving too much to her brother, of all people. “Interested.” She thought some more. “Confused, at first. A little conflicted. But, then interested.”

“Interested?”

“Interested.”

Sota shrugged his lips, giving a bob of his head as he speculated. “So, it’s safe to assume today won’t be as awkward as we’re all expecting it to be?”

“I think so.”

“And, I can put the paper bag I have in my pocket back into the kitchen since you won’t be hyperventilating from being near the guy?”

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes, putting down the eyeshadow to grab for her mascara.

“How are we gonna explain the sudden change in your attitude towards him to mom? I take it you don’t want her knowing he snuck in through your window in the middle of the night.”

Kagome nearly dropped her head, pulling the mascara wand away so she wasn’t in danger. “Fuck.” She breathed. “I may be a whole ass adult, but that’ll just lead her to wonder how many times I snuck out or someone snuck in when I was younger.”

“Mom’s not one for whooping ass, but she’d hand you yours.” Sota snickered.

Kagome whipped back around, giving her little brother the biggest puppy eyes she could conjure. He’d grimaced at first, but then eventually lolled his head dramatically. “Why do I always have to cover for you?”

“Remember, I picked you up that one time you snuck out in the middle of the night and mom never knew.”

“I was fifteen! Let it go. Get some new material.”

“Okay,” She smirked devilishly, perking up with a little too much enthusiasm. “You remember that one time you brought your ex-girlfriend, Shiori, over while no one was home and decided it was as good a time as any to take her back to your bedroom and sleep with her?”

Instantly, his face dropped and eyes widened, unmitigated terror taking over. Kagome pointed to herself with a little flare. “Well, guess who was home.”

“No.”

“And, guess who ran out the door as soon as mom pulled up from work, begging her to take me to the store and get some tampons so you wouldn’t be scared into premature ejaculation.”

“Kagome!”

“Eh, you were sixteen. You barely stood a chance as it was.” She flicked her wrist raffishly. “But, mom never found out and that’s all that matters, right?”

“Are you serious? You were home?” Sota implored frantically.

“Unfortunately for me, fortunately for you.”

“No, no. You can’t use that against me. I’m twenty-fucking-two.” Sota panicked, crawling to the edge of the bed nearest her. “I can’t get in trouble for sex I had six years ago.”

“Mom’s not one for whooping ass, but she’d hand you yours.” She mimicked, smirking.

“You son of a bitch.” He grounded out slowly. “You’ve known all this time, and this is what you want to use it for?”

“Yup. Always kept it in my back pocket just in case. It’s time to cash it in, buddy!”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” Kagome grinned smugly, finishing up her mascara and twisting the small vile shut. “Thanks to me, you had the best, undisturbed forty-five seconds of your life.”

“Fine!” He slapped his palm against the mattress, jumping down and stomping toward the door. “I’ll cover for you. Again. But, I’m putting every bottle of alcohol we have out of reach for you so when you come home and have your inevitable existential crisis, you can’t have any.”

She gasped. “Rude!”

“Oh, yeah. And, I’ll watch you wither on the floor like a fucking worm all while I stand on the counter and enjoy a few shots that you’re too panic-stricken and pathetically short to reach.”

Her gasp that time was deeper, louder. Sota smiled wide, nodding his head as he once again had the upper hand.

“Yeah! How you like them apples?” He gloated.

“You’re vile.”

“Thank you.” Sota hit her doorframe in his final exit, just in time for their mother to come over and shove in between them. Instantly, the siblings put on nice faces, pretending it was all an act so their mother wouldn’t ask what they were butting heads about. It was mostly normal for her to see Kagome and Sota play fighting, so she usually never asked what had happened to cause it anymore, but this was the time to really make sure she suspected nothing. From the both of them.

Before they knew it, they were zipped up tight within coats, their necks wrapped snug inside of scarves, and they were in the car and on their way. Inuyasha’s truck was already gone, Kagome had noticed. She wondered if they were already there and waiting on them. The sun was long gone, it was dark, and their mother was practically bouncing in the driver’s seat from how excited she was for the Christmas festivities. It was keeping her distracted, because right next to her, Kagome was wiping her sweaty hands along her jeans to keep them dry. It was a solid eighteen degrees outside, but she couldn’t help but be nervous and fidget a little.

Please let her be right about the message he was trying to send.

Strands of lights laced over pole beams and criss-crossed high over their heads to illuminate the tree farm they were welcomed into. Snow covered the field, glistening under the twinkle and adding to the magic-like quality. There were stands for different flavors of hot cocoa and coffee, fake snow was blowing in the air just over a designated photo area where a photographer looked to be shivering from head-to-toe, and Christmas trees were lined in long rows in the distance.

“Oh my goodness, hi!” Came an elated greeting to their left, and the Higurashi family all turned to see Miss Izayoi jumping up and down to wave. Inuyasha calmly placed his hand on his mom’s head in a feeble attempt to calm her, but everyone knew it was to no avail. This was the most wonderful time of the year, and it seemed their mother’s enjoyed it the most.

“Hi! Hi!” Kagome’s mom cheered, hopping her way over to Izayoi. “This place is gorgeous!”

Kagome and Sota followed behind their ecstatic parent while trying not to laugh, hands tucked deep into their pockets for warmth. She was almost inclined to keep her eyes low, feeling like it was a learned habit at this point, but a twinge in her belly had Kagome’s attention flickering upward to meet Inuyasha’s. There was a lightness in her abdomen as his straight expression shifted into a crooked grin, and without prompt, she’d returned it. It was the same one he’d always given to her since childhood, and it was the same one that had her feeling insane when she’d realized what it did to her all those years ago.

“Isn’t it! This has got to be their best year yet!”

“You two weren’t waiting for us too long, I hope.”

“Not at all. We don’t mind either way! Inuyasha doesn’t know cold, and I have a peppermint hot chocolate, so waiting was a pleasure.”

Kagome perked as she’d mentioned the hot chocolate, unable to control her craving as she spun around to try and locate the right stand she needed to head to. The longest line was leading toward the coffee, and the second longest was leading toward the gingerbread flavor. That boded well for her. The stand had to have been further down the way and Kagome just couldn’t see it from where she stood, and she’d even heard her brother begin to ask where Miss Izayoi had gotten it.

“I’ve got you.” Inuyasha softly spoke, giving Kagome’s shoulder a tap as he passed by her.

“Hey, wait.” Kagome objected just as she realized what he was doing.

The half demon graced her with a fleeting glance over his shoulder, that same crooked smirk curving his lips. “Go on. I’ll be right back.”

She stiffened. Watching him walk away with his hands in his coat, Kagome tried to remind herself not to get too carried away with his kind gesture. There was no reason to think too far into it. Or, grow timid. Or, smile like a freaking idiot. That part was probably going to be the most difficult.

There was a small crunch in the snow beneath her boots as Kagome turned back to face everyone else, noticing that they were silent. Their mother’s just sort of stared on with a hint of peculiarity while Sota grimaced with his hands held out expectantly.

“Well, fuck me then.” He murmured quietly for only Kagome to hear. He’d wanted one too, and she’d had to duck her head to avoid a snort from laughter.

She gave a quick clear of her throat, looking back to her mom and Miss Izayoi with the most innocent smile she could muster. Inuyasha’s mom simply dismissed what she’d seen with with a shrug of her brows, turning on her heel to lead the way down a different path.

“Alright. He’ll catch up; let’s go look at some trees.”

Following behind her, Kagome’s mother turned to her daughter and quietly asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Of course, I am.” She shrugged.

“Don’t say, ‘of course,’ like that. Not after what I saw yesterday.”

“Mom, he offered to buy her a drink.” Sota interjected. “If anything, this is a step in the right direction for them.”

“You’re not uncomfortable, right?” Her mom asked, casually pulling some of her daughter’s raven waves from the twist of the scarf around her neck so Izayoi wouldn’t turn around and think something was wrong.

“No, I’m okay.” Kagome smiled. “It was very nice of him. I think he’s just trying to be my friend again.”

“Yup. That’s what I’d call it, too.” Sota snickered.

“You guys are horrible at playing coy, you know that right?” Their mother remarked, rolling her eyes. “But, fine. Keep your secrets. Just let me know if you need a breather.”

She walked ahead of them, joining Izayoi so that they could wander side-by-side.

“You kept your cool.” Kagome’s younger brother mentioned, nudging her shoulder with his arm. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Shut up.” She mumbled.

“Our little anxiety goblin’s growing up.”

Kagome nibbled on her bottom lip, shrugging deeper into her jacket. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to be casual or flirt with him. I mean, it’s just hot chocolate. But, it’s Inuyasha getting me hot chocolate.”

“You do you, boo.” Sota joked. “Whatever happens, I can guarantee everyone’s going to pretend they think nothing of it. Miss Izayoi will save her questions for Inuyasha in private, and if mom asks anything - which I doubt she will - we’ll tell her he came over to talk. Through the front door.”

Swiftly, Kagome slapped her palm to her forehead. “The front door.” She repeated in a cry. Such a simple explanation, and she’d completely failed to think of it. She’d even brought it up to Inuyasha last night. Rookie mistake.

“That’s right, homie.” He laughed, skipping joyously next to her to tease. “You cashed in some blackmail for some basic level shit. What would you do without me?”

The incoming crunch of snow from behind prevented Kagome from responding with the sass already equipped on her tongue, looking over to Inuyasha approaching with a cup in hand. Sota kept walking while Kagome stopped to wait, her lips curving upward in greeting.

“That was fast.”

He shrugged, holding the cocoa out for her. “Both hands. It’ll keep them warm for a while.”

“Thank you.” She said, doing as he recommended. “How much do I owe you?”

He smiled at that, looking ahead as they walked behind everyone. “Nothing.”

“The stands say two dollars.”

“And, I said nothing.” He repeated smoothly with a quick glance down at her. “You still like whipped cream, right?”

She gleamed, blowing into the small sip hole of the top covering her disposable, green cup. “I will never not like whipped cream.”

“Good.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, walking directly next to each other while they watched their mom’s jump back and forth from trees. They spun around them to evaluate thickness, dryness, height, and even debated on their preference of type - from various pines to various firs. Sota had knocked back a few jokes to compare their love of this holiday to that of a Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but it was quickly turned on him as soon as he lit up with excitement at the sight of actual reindeer pulling a sleigh with Santa on it.

There was a barn in the distance, glowing with warm lights that pulled Kagome’s attention. It was clearly where the checkout was for whatever tree had been chosen by families, but there was a welcome sign just next to it that had Kagome stopping to try and determine what it led to from where she stood in between trees.

“What?” Inuyasha asked, noticing she wasn’t next to him anymore.

“What is that?” It looked like there was a huge section of decorated trees that people were strolling through.

“Don’t know.”

“Want to check it out?” She unthinkingly asked. Her nerves gave her a little jolt as if to bring her back to the present. Was that too bold? It was clear she wasn’t inviting anyone else; only him. When she’d looked over, he was already on his way to her, a simple grin on his face as he gave a nod.

She was happy. Sparing a glance toward her brother to signal that they were leaving the group so someone knew they weren’t to be reported as missing persons, Kagome kept up with Inuyasha. The sleeves of their jackets rubbed slightly as they stayed close, and she had to admit that this was substantially more comfortable than she’d expected earlier.

She was right. There was a large maze of trees, each one decorated with different types of ornaments, garland, and ribbons. It was like a Christmas wonderland they were now walking through, groups spread out and paced so no one was bumping into each other or interrupting the spectacle that had everyone in awe. The lights of the trees were dimmed, creating an incredibly intimate aesthetic that had Kagome’s head turning left and right in amazement. Nothing was too in-your-face or blinding. It was beautiful and serene, with the very, very light hint of classic Christmas music playing over the speakers near the barn that they steadily traveled away from.

“This way, dummy.” Inuyasha said as he grabbed the waist of her coat to pull her along with him in his direction. There was a fork in the road signaled by a red and white “north pole,” but she’d almost walked straight into it, too distracted by everything around her. Inuyasha had chosen, what he’d observed to be, the less traveled route. Everyone was going right because there was a perfectly, and conveniently, placed cocoa stand. Kagome already had some in her hands. It worked out in his benefit.

She giggled, not fighting his yank at all. Their boots were the only ones in this direction making any noise along the packed ice beneath them. Inuyasha walked quietly next to her. There were a mixture of red, green, and blue lights among the whites and golden, and she secretly admired the way it bounced off the sheen of his silver hair. He’d never appreciate being called beautiful. But, she thought that of him. Especially when he looked as content as he did now. He hardly had any sort of expression written on his face, but his body language, the way he spared small glances toward her, the way he matched her pace, it said it all.

“I never got the chance to ask you,” She began, clutching her drink a little tighter within both hands to absorb the heat. Maybe what she was about to mention would put him off, and she was nervous about that, but this was something she’d rather know than avoid. “Are you upset? That I hid from you five years ago?”

Inuyasha hadn’t expected that. His brows twitched inward as he looked down at her. He was surprised she wasn’t staring at the ground then. Kagome was meeting his eyes, looking for his honest answer. “Where’d that come from?”

“Well, I was a little confused by your response yesterday. I thought about what you’d said, like you’d told me. Obviously, not for the reason you’d intended, but something stuck out. You’d called me unfair. While I understand where you were coming from, I wanted to know if there was anything else.”

He licked his lips, cocking a small grin. “Why does that matter?”

Kagome stopped, gathering his undivided attention as he took two more steps before turning around to face her. “It matters.” She said. “I just want you to know that it wasn’t meant to hurt you. You weren’t supposed to find out.” Kagome sort of chuckled at herself.

Inuyasha looked to the side, having to momentarily distract himself from what her stare was doing to him. Sure, anyone could choose to be upset about something like that, but she’d made it perfectly clear as to why she’d done it. Inuyasha couldn’t hold it over her head even if he’d wanted to. “If I’d seen you with a fiancé of your own, I’d have reacted worse.”

It was simultaneously an answer to her recent question, and an answer to the one she’d asked the night before. Kagome swallowed thickly, feeling struck by his sincerity. He took a step in, the silence in the air not the least bit discomfiting. The music from the barn was barely noticeable from where they stood, giving them a sense of privacy and peace.

“I’m not even a little bit upset.”

“You promise?” Kagome breathed.

“Have you been worried about that all night?”

“No.” She said honestly.

“Good. Because, as you well know, that’s not what I wanted you to think about.” Inuyasha chuckled. His hands were tucked within his jacket pockets, and he leveraged out his elbow for Kagome to hook her arm through if she’d wanted. He was glad that, despite her bashful smile, she took the offer.

Her eyes wandered up to him again as they walked along. She wanted to lean further against him, but she held back. It was so difficult to push past the nerves serving as a blockade to do even the simplest of gestures. Was his heart beating as fast as hers was? She wished she could hear it. She wished he didn’t speak so indirectly and came right out with what he wanted her to know. She wouldn’t reject it. He knows she wouldn’t reject it. That much, she understood by now.

Sensing her, Inuyasha tucked her arm closer into his side, glancing down at her. “Are you warm enough?” His timbre was husky, sweet.

Almost losing her train of thought, Kagome could only muster up a nod in response. When did Inuyasha become this bold? And, confident? She had to admit, this was a huge difference from what she’d grown up with. He could have easily been described as emotionally stunted way back then. Of course, being engaged once should mean that he’d figured it out somewhere along the way.

“You’d said this wasn’t the first time you’d wanted to talk to me - when you saw me the other day.”

“Yeah.” Inuyasha confirmed, leading her through the maze.

“What would you have told me?”

“Hi.” He laughed, slowing her down as their route finally merged with the other they’d parted from. There was a group of teenagers he let slip before them, tuning out their loud antics as they excitedly pointed out everything they saw.

“No,” Kagome giggled, pulling on his arm a little in a meager sense to get him to be serious. “What would you have told me?”

“What are you on about?” Inuyasha chuckled again, giving her another yank closer into his side.

“What would you have told me? Like, what did you want to say?”

“It’s not like I had some speech planned, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just wanted to see you again.”

“And, if you had sooner, what would you have told me?”

He was blushing. Just a little, but she could see it as their route was nearing the back entrance of the barn they’d ended up looping around. The lights were hitting his face perfectly to show her, but he wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable about it. He was still smiling, giving her his attention and completely ignoring the uproar of the teenagers before them.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I’ve always been a make it up as you go along kind of guy.”

That was true. Inuyasha definitely wasn’t a planner. He was too impatient for that sort of thing.

“Okay. Then, what did you want to tell me two days ago?” Kagome boldly asked, holding his eye contact.

“That I missed you. That I -“

A small cheer met their ears as they just barely entered the barn, ripping his attention away from the girl he held to see a woman dressed as an elf nearby pointing right above them. A few of the teenagers had stuck around in the distance, having clearly made it a game to wait and see if he and Kagome would notice in time and separate like everyone else hastily had. He hadn’t been paying attention. Their group had been wild because they were trying not to get stuck under the mistletoe together.

Son of a mother fucking bitch.

“You gotta do it! It’s the rules!” The elf cajoled too happily, and it was all Inuyasha could do not to outwardly groan.

Yes, he wanted to kiss Kagome. Of course, he wanted to fucking kiss her. But, it was something he wanted to be a little less forced than this - as he felt was reasonable for anyone in his shoes. Kagome hadn’t said a word at his side, and he peered down, noticing how goddamn red she was. She’d only met his eyes for a moment, glancing around the room awkwardly as an elderly couple gingerly snickered their way.

If he pulled her out of there and ignored everyone as he felt he should, he risked sending her the wrong memo. If he rolled with the punches, he risked ruining the momentum of genuineness. Inuyasha was beginning to feel too much pressure building up, and he did a quick bob from one foot to the other. What he found he was more afraid of in that moment was messing with Kagome’s head. She was asking these questions for a reason. She wanted to know what he was feeling. What they had, it was fresh. It was fragile. It was way too easy to fuck things up right now, and then he’d have to start right back at square one. They were too limited on time to add more mistakes to fix.

Before he made a move though, he needed to make sure Kagome was okay with it. And, if that stupid, middle-aged elf urged him one more goddamn time before he was able to do so, he was going to punt her out of the way. Inuyasha released Kagome’s arm with a deep and stiff sigh, looking down at her. She returned his gaze, but it was obvious she was incredibly nervous.

“We don’t have to.” Inuyasha mentioned.

Her brown eyes flickered up to the mistletoe. She wasn’t opposed, she just didn’t like being under a spotlight. But, she wasn’t opposed. Definitely not. It was just difficult for her to communicate that, or even make the move on her own. All she could do was give him a small shrug, a shuddering breath, and a careful smile that left the choice up to him. She could only hope it was obvious which option she’d wanted him to choose.

Something came over him then. The noise of the elf, the teenagers, and everyone else minding their own business around them faded out, and Inuyasha only recognized her. Kagome. His thumb grazed the soft line of her jaw as his hand reached to curl around the nape of her neck, pulling her to meet him halfway as he leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips were delicate. Her breath was warm. His heart stopped. Pulling away was now the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life, and it took striving effort not to remember people were watching - sparsely clapping, even - and others were coming down the path.

It was the clapping that did him over. It quickly took him out of his reverie, and Inuyasha could hardly hide the tidal wave of embarrassment. His hand slipped down to grab hers, forcefully pulling her out of the barn altogether. He guided her over to an icy stack of hay bales on the far side where no one was, letting her go as he released his pent up aggravation on the snow atop that was thick enough to fight back.

“That -“ He hit again. “- was not - “ And, again. “- supposed -“ Once more. “- to happen like that.”

Kagome had been poorly resisting it, but her battle was fruitless. She sputtered out a guttural laugh, so hard it had her gradually folding over.

“What the hell is so funny!?”

She couldn’t even answer she was laughing so hard. God, it was about freaking time.

“Hey!” Inuyasha pulled her to stand up straight, grabbing the sides of her face as he jostled her a little. Her laughter was contagious and he was already cracking, an incredulous smile forming on his face. “The hell are you fucking laughing at!?”

“I was wondering where you were.” Kagome said, playfully shoving him off of her. “You can only stay cool and collected for so long before you lose your shit.”

“Excuse me, I’ve matured since you last saw me. Thank you.” He retorted.

“Oh, I’m not doubting that. But, you’re still Inuyasha.”

“And, you’re still a punk ass.”

“What? You’ve gone three days without yelling, as far as I know! I was beginning to fear I’d lost you for good!”

“Oh, there are so many fucking things I can say to get back at you, but I won’t! I won’t!”

“Why?” She teased. “Because, you’re the ‘bigger person’ now?”

“Not quite. I just don’t want you getting so nervous that you run off again.” Inuyasha had flexed his jaw, his heart rate stabilizing as her smile grew wider. She was cheeky and playful, and her flush was still evident, but she wasn’t pulling away from him. In fact, when he’d reached for her hand, she’d stepped inward to give it to him.

“Make sure you’re actually watching this time.”

“Uh-uh.” He hummed low, looking her dead in the eyes. “I’m not letting -“

“There you are.”

Their hands were separated in an instant and both she and Inuyasha were turning to see their group walking over to them. They acted as casual as possible, but Kagome was stuck with the giggles. He’d kissed her. It was short, and it was simple, but it lingered and Kagome swore she could still feel his lips. It wasn’t enough to say she was happy or excited. Kagome was unequivocally exhilarated.

“Shut up.” Inuyasha ground out toward her, holding no venom in his tone as he shoved her away.

“We’ve been looking for you.” His mother commented, sharing a smile at their lightheartedness. “Where’d you go?”

“Through the tree maze.” He gestured behind him with a point of his thumb.

“Well, since you weren’t around, I chose our tree all by myself. The nice boys are getting it netted for us.”

Inuyasha grimaced. “Mom, how large is it?”

Izayoi grinned sheepishly, giving minimal effort to her shrug.

“Mother. How large is it?” Inuyasha repeated, more stern that time.

“It took three guys.” Sota informed with straight, pressed lips.

“Goddammit.” The half demon grumbled.

“I have high ceilings. It’ll fit.” His mom said innocently, following after her son as he went to go see the one she’d chosen.

—

It was late, but it’d taken much longer than she’d expected to get the Christmas tree screwed into the base to stand evenly, and then decorate it. Sota and her mom had chosen a huge, bushy, some-kind-of fir that looked perfect under twinkling lights with red and gold ribbon layered around it. Ornaments were added, and Sota was not too happy that their mother had chosen a table chair, of all things, to stand on in order to get the star on top.

Past midnight now, Kagome was finally out of her jeans and donning some comfortable and cozy leggings. A black, long sleeved crop top dressed her torso with the very bottom of her sports bra poking out from beneath. She’d debated brushing the tangles out of her hair, but decidedly let it wave in its own frenzy for now, thinking it more important to find something to watch on TV first.

Inuyasha had been impatiently waiting for the living room light in her house to go out. Upon taking out the trash earlier, he’d seen through her front window. They were decorating the tree with loud music playing, and he’d noticed the smile on her face. The way she held her wine glass high up in the air when it seemed they were toasting to something, and she laughed and ran from her brother, it had him realizing that he’d long passed smitten years ago. He’d left it behind at their junior prom.

As soon as he felt he was clear, Inuyasha couldn’t resist the temptation any longer. He headed over to his childhood best friend’s house, listening carefully to see if anyone was talking in her room with her. She was alone, the light within coming from both the bedside lamp and the television. With just a few light knocks to her window, Kagome turned to see him, knowing exactly where to look for the source of the noise.

A welcoming grin developed on her lips, and she set the TV remote down on her bed, ambling over to the window to open it. The screen was skillfully loosened, and Kagome took a few steps back to allow the half demon to enter, briefly checking behind her to make sure she had, in fact, shut the door earlier.

“Hi.” He whispered after closing the window.

“Hi.” She said right back.

Inuyasha took her in. Her hair looked silky, the long, black strands doing nothing but inviting his fingers to rake through it all. Her attire was laid back, fitting to her form in a manner that had him pathetically mesmerized. Her lips, the plush of them, after tasting them earlier, did nothing but make it hard to concentrate.

“The reason I never asked you sooner,” He spoke, keeping his voice low. “About why we grew apart… It was because I thought it was my fault. You know better than anyone that I sucked at vocalizing my feelings when I was younger. I was jealous of almost anyone that stole your attention, and I was horrible at hiding that. And, when you’d tell me it wasn’t a big deal, I’d get mad about it. I was overbearingly protective, I annoyed you, I’m pretty sure I called you ugly once and made you cry, and I just thought you’d had enough. I never asked because I didn’t want to hear it. I’m pretty sure hearing how shitty I was from you would have been the one thing that broke me. So, I let it happen instead.”

Kagome’s shoulders had almost deflated. Everything he thought, it was all wrong. It was the exact opposite. “I liked that, actually.” She admitted. “All of it. Too much. I thought I was reading too far into everything, so when you left for college, I pulled away.”

“Why?”

“To move on.”

Inuyasha chuckled, the sound nothing but a breath leaving his lungs, and he licked his lips. “How’d that work out for you?”

“Just about as well as it did for you.”

He moved inward until he was mere inches away, his hand rising slowly as the backs of his fingers gently grazed up the sides of Kagome’s arms. “I never wanted it in the first place.” He rumbled. “I wanted you.”

“What would you have said to me?” She repeated her question from earlier, taking a loose grip on the sides of his sweater.

Steadily, Inuyasha cradled her jaw, leaning down to skillfully ghost his lips over her own. She was so warm, he could have easily lost composure. He felt her fingers curl tighter into his clothes, pulling him a little closer, and he instantly obliged. As their lips met, Inuyasha felt astonishingly more grounded than he ever had in his life. There was a buzzing behind his sternum, but it was invigorating, sending warmth to course through his veins and ignite a fire in his belly that he’d never before felt.

He pulled away, feeding her adventurous mouth with the few more kisses it sought before he was able to gaze down at her. Even in the dim lighting of the bedroom, she was breathtaking. Inuyasha couldn’t help be caress her cheeks with an unmatched softness he’d never given to another person before.

“That’s how it should have been done in the first place.” He remarked.

Kagome couldn’t speak. So captivated by him, she was stuck using her hands to communicate. She gave a gentle nudge for his palms to drop, feeling them wrap behind the small of her back as she pulled him down to kiss her again. Their enthusiasm soared, his lips heatedly took control of their pace. Leveraging her up, Kagome took her cue to wrap her legs around his hips, feeling him go to grip her thighs one at a time. She was gently lowered against her mattress, Inuyasha crawling on top of her to swallow her smile and give one of his own. He released a chuckle at her cold hands gliding over his neck, but never pulled away. Instead he pressed kiss after kiss against her lips as she returned a small laugh, allowing her fingers to travel wherever they pleased.

Inuyasha had wanted this for so long. He’d wanted Kagome for so long. It should have aways been them. But for him, it would always be her.

#inuyasha #kagome #kagome higurashi #inukag #christmas #inuyasha fanfiction #inukag fanfiction #akitokihojo #fluff #light angst #romance #I mean duh there's romance #yes another Taylor Swift song title #guess the swift song that actually had heavier inspiration tho

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years

Text

More than just a game

Warnings: dark elements including noncon and rape, oral, fingering, doxxing, stalking, and other explicit content.

This is dark!Jake Jensen and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You find a new gaming buddy but he sees you as more than that.

Note: So this is my first Jake Jensen fic and it was lots of fun so let me know what you think and hope you enjoy. :D

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Special shout-out to @navybrat817 for helping me with this idea

After too many nights scrolling through subreddits and searching for something to keep you distracted, you decided to bite the hook. Several other redditors agreed to hop on Minecraft and it had been a while since you logged in. You missed the almost relaxing ritual of mining and building.

You joined the chat, quick to hit the little microphone emblem as you listened to the voices in your headset. You learned long ago to keep your mic muted on the servers, especially with strangers. The last time you dared to speak up as a woman in a game chat, your DMs had become so overwhelmed you deleted and started a new account on Discord and changed your ID on Steam.

You were all given your tasks as players called out coordinates and you kept to chopping up the side of a mountain. You mostly worked alone, chatting through text instead of voice chat. As you placed a crafting table in your little mine, another player, JJ-Smooth, popped up and dropped some iron for you.

He stayed close but you didn’t mind. A lot of players tried to work together the deeper they got and you were used to it. As you uncovered some lava, he dumped water before you could get burned and helped you hack up the obsidian.

He thanked you on the voice chat but you knew any courtesy in return would earn you the attention of the entire server. So you dropped some gold for him and went on your way.

“I hear a zombie,” he warned.

You turned to hack up the undead before it could get you, only to be shot by a skeleton hidden on the next level. Another appeared and you died before you could hide, the bony villain killed by your ally as you watched your possession scatter over the death screen.

“Hey, I got your stuff,” he said as you loaded back up, “I’ll find you.”

You typed quickly in the chat, ‘sorry, mic busted, give me your coordinates and I’ll come to you.’

You waited as ‘JJ-Smooth is typing…’ appeared at the bottom and finally he sent the numbers. You hopped over the blocky hills and through the forests until you found the mine again. He was just outside and handed over all your tools and ration. He headed back into the mine and you followed him. This time, you began your own path in the opposite direction.

Before you knew it, you’d lost track of time. You sat back as you realised it was only you and JJ on the server. The silence should have tipped you off earlier. He was the host and you felt super awkward for staying so long. You typed that you were logging off for the night and thanked him.

You hit the keyboard with your knuckle and yawned as you opened the screen,

“God, it’s late,” you muttered.

“Hello?” he said.

Your eyes rounded as you looked at the mic symbol and the lack of red line made you cringe. You’d hit an extra button without noticing.

“Um, hi, sorry, I just--”

“Mic busted, huh?” he asked.

“No, I--” you didn’t know what to say, “anyways, I should--”

“So, you’re a chick? Is that why you mute?”

“Uh, well, it’s just… easier, sorry, I--” even if you weren’t trying to hide from gamer dudes, you weren’t the best at conversation.

“A gamer girl, nice,” he said and you sighed, “sorry, that sounded weird, didn’t it?”

“Mhmm,” you touched your bottom lip as you cupped your chin, “it’s late, I have to work tomorrow.”

“You comin’ back?” he asked, almost hopeful.

“I don’t know--”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he said abruptly, “promise, lips sealed.”

“I really don’t know if I can do this too much, I usually work early mornings so… yeah,” you said.

“I get it but you know you’re always welcome, hope you don’t mind if I send you an invite now and then. No pressure,” he offered.

“Uh, sure,” you shrugged, “okay, yeah, good night.”

You left the chat quickly and pulled off your headset. Shit.

‘I’m Jake by the way,’ a pm popped up, ‘gg.’

You typed back, ‘gg, it was fun’ and quickly logged out. You sat back and rubbed your eyes. Well, he didn’t seem like a total creep, maybe just a bit awkward but so were you. You shut down for the night and stretched out as you switched off the lamp. You were going to pay for your session in the morning.

🎮

A few nights later you got an invite to the server. You debated it but as it was Friday, you decided to make good use of the PC you’d saved up forever to build. You spawned in the middle of nowhere and built a bed before you found the half-finished settlement. You joined the chat but you must have been early as you were the only one there.

You headed back to the same mine, some work done since the first night, and laid your torches as you ventured into the depths. You jumped in your seat as a voice broke your peace.

“I don’t think anyone else is gonna join,” JJ-Smooth, or Jensen said, “you think maybe you’ll unmute?”

You stopped your mining and stared at the screen. You hovered over the mic button and re-read his name, he was the only other one there. You clicked and gave a strained smile to the screen.

“So, um, what’s the goal tonight?” you asked.

“Get some materials and go back to the settlement, keep building, oh, maybe we could try a portal, you ever gone to the nether?” he said but before you could reply he kept on, “shit, I shouldn’t assume, you seem like an experienced player.”

“Yeah, a few times, but I’m more a casual miner,” you went back to harvesting stone and ore.

“Ah,” he said, and it was silent for a moment, “so, you work again in the morning?”

“Not tomorrow,” you said as you focused on the game, “daycare isn’t open on the weekends.”

“A daycare, huh? That sounds fun, I love kids… not in a weird way but you know, I… urgh, I have a niece,” he said with a nervous chuckle, “nah, that’s cool though, sounds more fun than my gig.”

“Oh?” you turned and kept your axe moving.

“IT. You know, some people would be like ‘hey Jensen, why do you spend all your free time staring at a screen when that’s what you do at work?’” he scoffed, “well, who says I’m not mining there too.”

You wrinkled your forehead and gave a small laugh. He was rambling and it was kinda odd. You were happy for once not to be the strange one.

“But anyway,” he said, “I found lots of diamond over here. If we get some lapis lazuli we can build an enchanting table and get some sick armour.”

“Awesome,” you pressed your fingertips to your lip as you leaned on your elbow, “should try to head back before dark…”

“Hard to tell down here. How about you mine and I’ll keep an eye out for monsters?” he offered.

“Sure,” you agreed as he came onto your screen, “that works.”

🎮

Another week went by and you ventured back into the server a few times but not for very long as late nights did not mix with young children. The next weekend, you joined again on Saturday night and like the last few times it was just you and Jensen. You wondered why no one else was joining when the subreddit was so popular but you didn’t worry about it for long.

You mostly played in silence, Jensen did most of the talking and it was never about anything more than the game or his niece’s last soccer game. That night when you left the game, he kept typing on Discord.

‘I like playing with you,’ his message blipped up.

‘Same, thx.’

‘Really, you’re awesome.’

‘Thx :) Tired, gotta sleep.’

‘Sweet dreams.’

‘Night.’

You changed your status to offline and dragged yourself to bed. You opened your phone as you laid in the dark and went to the subreddit, you scrolled through the builds and screenshots of other people’s catastrophes.

You came to Jensen’s last invite post from that night but all the comments complained that the world code was incorrect. Hmm, you should tell him next time.

You blackened your cell and plopped it on your night table. You rolled over and buried your face in the pillow, the light still etched into your vision. You fell asleep quickly and woke the next day to another invite from Jensen.

‘How about some Fortnite? If you’re into it?’

‘Srry, can’t, my mom’s expecting me for lunch.’

‘2 bad, maybe later.’

‘Maybe’.

You got ready to go see your mother for your usual Sunday afternoon visit and it went by like any other. When she asked you what you’d been up to, you didn’t mention the gaming, she was never a fan of it. When you got back home, Jensen was messaging you again. You didn’t open the notification and settled in to catch up on some streaming before another week of work.

Monday hit you like a train and you were glad you hadn’t spent the night mining again. If you had, you doubted you’d even be able to open your eyes. You got to the daycare centre and welcomed in the kids. You got them set up for the morning snack then cleaned up as Sandy took them over to the reading circle.

You wiped the tables and then did some painting before you went out for some play time in the yard. As you watched several of the children on the swings, you glanced around. There was a man across the street. You squinted through the chain link as he seemed to be watching but assured yourself it was nothing as he quickly headed for the corner and disappeared.

Inside, the kids were due for quiet time, some napped and those who didn’t, stared at the ceiling and yawned. You could have joined them but knew that wouldn’t be acceptable. The end of the day came and you helped the kids pack up their paintings and their sweaters. You waited in the yard with them as the parents showed up and handed them off one by one.

You waved to Danika as she clung to her mother and your eye was once more drawn beyond the chain link. The same faded grey jacket, the same glasses, and the hat with the frayed brim. It was a better look at the man. Was he looking at you? Why on earth was he hanging around outside a daycare?

“Sandy,” you turned and lowered your voice as she neared, “see that man?”

She peeked over and shrugged, “which one? The guy crossing the street?”

You looked up again and like before, he was walking away casually as if he hadn’t just been staring through the fence. You shook your head and huffed. “Sorry, never mind.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” she waved her fingers, “come on, let’s clean up.”

With the kids all sorted out, you went back in and tidied up the last of their mess. You and Sandy were friendly but like with any, you weren’t very talkative. You never really knew what to say but you were never unkind.

You pulled on your jacket and checked your purse for your phone and wallet. You checked the time and turned off the lights. You bid Sandy goodbye as she headed for her SUV and you took your usual route down the sidewalk towards your bus stop.

You stopped short as the man was there. You were paranoid, he must just be waiting for the same route. You approached and he turned to watch you as you sat on the bench. He smiled and the dread sank deep in your chest.

His rectangular glasses gave light to his blue eyes and a goatee trimmed his jaw. He was tall and well-built, you could tell even under his comic book tee. He was going to talk to you, another weirdo in the city.

“Hey,” his voice was chillingly familiar, “how was your day?”

You stared at him and blinked cluelessly. You looked around, it was only the two of you. You opened your mouth but you had to be wrong. He said your name and you winced.

“Jensen?” you breathed as you stood and squeezed the strap of your bag, “why? How--?”

“You weren’t answering me, I was worried,” he said, “just making sure you’re okay.”

“What the-- I don’t understand how--” He stepped closer and you backed up against the bench. “Don’t, I’ll scream.”

“Scream? Why? I’m just-- You know me, it’s me, Jensen.”

“You doxxed me?” you snapped, “what the hell?”

“No, I didn’t-- I’m just checking on you--”

“I don’t know you,” you said as your heart began to race, “so please, leave me alone,” you edged away from him, “and don’t message me again.”

You sprinted across the street and as you came up on the curb, you looked back at him. He watched you but didn’t follow. You could tell from there he wasn’t happy but the brim of his cap shadowed most of his face so you couldn’t guess if it was hurt or anger. You quickly spun away and continued down the next street to the nearest stop.

You couldn’t believe he’d just shown up like that. You couldn’t believe he would think that was okay. You couldn’t believe he’d think that much about you.

🎮

You blocked Jensen on Discord and left his world on Minecraft. That night you were shaky and nervous, afraid that he would show up at your apartment. Did he know where you lived? He must if he could figure out where you worked.

You didn’t open Steam that night. You paced your small apartment, jumping at every noise. Sleep didn’t come easily but in shallow spurts that left you even more tired. You watched over your shoulder as you walked to your stop and boarded with one eye on the door.

Work was little better as you found yourself distracted in the room full of toddlers. Sandy asked if you were okay as you kneaded play-do violently. You shook yourself out of your paranoia and assured her you were only short on sleep, not a complete lie.

You took out your phone when you stepped out for a small break. Your mom had called but you would have to get back to her when you had two hours to waste. There was another notification, that one from Discord, a friend request from JJ-NoRematch. It wasn’t hard to guess who it was and you declined it right away.

There were several others from Jensen, too. He followed your Insta, blocked; he followed your mostly empty twitter, blocked; and he even commented on your LinkedIn like a weird. You closed your phone and took a breath before you headed back into the kids, their voices rising in their excitement to go outside.

In the yard, you had another look around, expecting to see him there on the other side of the fence. You were slightly relieved when he wasn’t but still on edge. You joined a game of tag then watched several of the kids line up for the slide. You lost yourself in your job as you told yourself he must have gotten the hint, at least not to bother you irl.

Just like the day before, and every day, you left work and headed for your stop. He wasn’t there either and you sat down and phoned your mom, hanging up as the bus pulled up with a promise to call her again when you were home. At home, you felt almost normal again and checked your notifications; no more follows, no more requests, nothing.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday passed in a similar fashion. Each saw your anxieties less than the day before. You even resolved to open Steam and start a new world for yourself. You spent hours mining and almost fell asleep in your chair. When you nearly tipped over, you decided it was time for bed.

You slept better than you had all week and woke up before noon. You wanted to log right back on but you had life to deal with; groceries, cleaning, and of course, making that call to your mother you’d delayed the night before. After all that, you felt accomplished and you decided to treat yourself to take out, a rare divulgence.

You called the local Chinese eatery and waited eagerly for your feast as you turned on a new episode of your current binge. You played on your phone until the battery was low and had enough juice to buzz up the delivery man. You dug for your wallet as you went to the door and unlocked it without looking up.

“How much--” you asked as you opened the door.

Your eyes met a familiar pair, two blue gems behind a pair of narrow glasses. Jensen wore the same cap and held the paper bag of take-out with a smile. You grabbed the door and tried to swing it shut but he was too quick as he slapped a large hand against the peeling paint.

“It’s on me,” he said, “I love spare ribs.”

“What the--” you gasped as you pushed on the door helplessly, “please go away.”

“You’re not answering me,” he said as he stepped closer and forced you back as his body brushed against yours, “you blocked me and I can’t even get a hey, Jensen, how are you?”

“I don’t want you here,” you tried to shove him and he shouldered you away easily, “get out!”

He slammed the door and you flinched. He put the bag down on the corner table and reached back to twist the lock without a look. His eyes roved around your entryway and further into your apartment. He smiled as they stilled and focused on you.

“This place is cute… like you,” he said and you heard a slight hesitation in his voice.

You swallowed and backed away from him. You spun on your heel and ran for your couch. You reached over the back to your phone and unlocked it as the battery icon flashed. You had just enough juice to make the call. You dialed as you turned back to him.

“I’m calling the police so you b-better l-leave,” you warned as your voice and hands shook, “I me--”

He was quick and before you could pull away, he swiped your cell out of your hand. He scoffed and tossed it across the room. It hit the wall and landed screen down on the hardwood. You bit down and pressed yourself to the couch. You stared at him and kicked yourself forward as you tried to slip past him. He caught you and wrestled you back into the front room.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked calmly as you struggled in his grasp, “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”

“N-no, you’re-- you-- let me go,” you stammered as he angled you around the couch. He pushed you down so you bounced on the cushion. You tried to push yourself up and he pointed his finger in your face and wagged it.

“No, you stay,” he growled and wiped his other hand on his jeans. He was nervous, even if he was angry.

“Please, why-- what do you want?” you grasped the cushion and hovered at the edge of the couch.

He sighed and sat in the chair. He took his hat off and set it on the table as he ran his fingers through his short hair.

“Good question,” he said as his jaw squared and his eyes turned to pinpoints, “better one, why did you block me?”

“Are you serious? You-- you--” you struggled to get your words out, your voice even more splintered by your fear, “you doxxed me, you came to-- to my work-- and…”

“I thought we were getting along. I thought you liked me,” he said with a frown, “I really did, you sure acted like it and-- I only wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“But why wouldn’t I be? I--” you shivered and crossed your arms as you withered beneath his gaze, “Jensen, this was only supposed to be online.”

He scoffed and stomped his boot on the floor. He shook his head as he looked to the ceiling and his anger bulged along his temple. He tilted his head and looked at you again.

“You know, for years, I have been a nice guy, I am a nice guy,” he pushed his shoulders to his ears as he threw his hand out, “I’m so patient and caring and you girls, you don’t even give me a second look.”

“Jensen--”

“No, really, I mean look at you, you’re no supermodel and yet it’s the same thing, ‘let’s just be friends’,” he spat, “but I watch guys all the time treat women like shit and they don’t have any trouble at all, they got them hanging off of them and I’m a creep for giving them a compliment or opening the door--”

“I don’t… know you,” you eked out, “you have to understand--”

“I don’t understand,” he stood abruptly, “I’m done trying to understand.”

He pulled his jacket open and slid it down his arms. You watched him sling it over the chair and as he turned back to you, you stood. He caught your shoulders and held you in place. His strength was plain in his grip as he squeezed then slowly moved his hands to cradle your face.

“I just wanna be nice,” he said as he leaned in. You tried to pull away but he moved a hand around the back of your head and forced your lips against his. He poked his tongue inside your mouth roughly as you tried to shove him away. Finally, he parted, his hands still firmly around your head, “wasn’t that nice?”

“Please,” you begged as he ran his thumb over your bottom lip.

His eyes searched your face as you stared back at him in terror. He sighed and dropped his hands back to your shoulders. He pushed you down to the sofa harshly and backed away.

“Fine, I won’t be nice,” he snarled as he took his glasses off and folded them carefully. He put them on the table beside his cap and twined his fingers together, loudly cracking his knuckles.

You blinked at him as your eyes grew glossy. You brought your legs up under you and pressed yourself to the back of the couch. You grasped the upholstery and turned as you launched yourself over to the other side. You stumbled as you landed on your feet and ran for the door.

You were yanked back as he snaked his arms around you and took you off your feet. You kicked out and screamed but it was cut off by his palm as he kept one arm around your middle. You scratched at his hand as he dragged you back to the couch. He pushed you face down onto the cushions and planted his knee in the middle of your back, slipping his hand away as he put enough weight on you to keep your voice suffocated.

“Listen, I know I look like some IT nerd but I’m a lot more than that, now don’t make me hurt you,” he played with your hair as he smiled down at you, “you try that again and I will shut you up and if someone hears you, I can take care of them too.”

You sniffed as tears pricked in your eyes and nodded frantically as it felt as if he would snap your spine. He pushed off of you and you stayed as you were, paralysed with fear. He sat and unlaced his boots one at a time. He looked up as he set them neatly beside the foot of the chair and he bent to catch your eye.

“Well?” he pointed at you and traced the line of your body in the air, “let’s go.”

You stared at him dumbly and he stood to pull his tee over his head. His torso was sculpted perfectly and his chest trimmed with hair that trailed all the way down to his pants. He stepped forward and tugged at the back of your shirt.

“You want me to do it for you, baby?” he purred, “I can help you.”

You swatted him away and sat up. You bent your legs to your chest and hugged them. “Please, I’m scared, just leave me alone--”

His hand rested on his belt and exhaled again. His fingers moved swiftly to unloop the striped belt and unbutton his jeans. He pushed them down, nearly tripping as he stepped out of them. He stood in his boxers, tented with his impatient excitement, and gripped his hips.

“It’s okay, baby, I know you’re shy, I am too,” he neared and you winced as he grabbed your wrist. He tugged on your arm and you resisted until he bent your hand back painfully and you cried out. He tickled your jaw as he looked you in the eye and tutted, “it doesn’t have to be like this, alright?”

You went limp and let him pull your arms apart. Your legs slipped down and your feet dangled above the floor. He got to his knees and pushed between yours. He slowly rolled up the hem of your shirt and bent to kiss your stomach as he bared the flesh. You trembled as he forced your arms up and swooped the fabric over your head. It fluttered through the air and to the floor as he cupped your tits through your bright pink bra.

“Is this so bad?” he asked as he nuzzled your chest and pushed your tits up.

He glided the straps down your arm and slid your bra lower so that you popped out. He nibbled at your flesh and traced your nipples with his tongue. You sat rigid and let him explore your body, too terrified to move a muscle. He reached around you and struggled with the hooks, frustrated he snapped the clasps and the band came free.

He continued to play with your chest, his fingers crawling up and down your stomach and sides. There was a genuine curiosity to his touch and it sent a chill through you. His fingertips pressed to the top of your pants and he pulled at them as his lips travelled down to your hip.

He tugged on your pants and jerked your entire body. He tore them lower as he pushed you up and you lifted yourself to let him peel away the layer. He added them to the floor and toyed with the elastic of your panties. The little bow in the front drew his attention as he pushed your legs wider and ran his nose along the cotton.

He hummed and rubbed his fingers down your crotch, pushing the fabric to your folds as he teased you through them. You inhaled sharply at the tingle it inspired and he pressed firmer against you, flicking his fingers along your bud as he noticed how it made you squirm.

He gently pulled aside the cotton and you felt his hot breath against you. You pushed on his head before he could delve into you. “Please, don’t--”

“Shhhh,” he threw your hand away from his head and bent over you, “just relax.”

He dragged his tongue along your cunt and lingered around your clit. You clenched as it sent a thrill through you and he moved his lips against you, suckling at you bud as your breaths grew raspy. You pushed yourself against the back of the couch and dug your nails into the cushion.

He slid a finger along your cunt and circled your entrance. He rubbed up and down as he kept his tongue swirling over your clit and you swallowed back as gasp as he poked inside. He felt around and added another finger, stretching you as he carefully pushed them in and out of you in time with his mouth.

He lapped you up and you closed your eyes, desperate to resist the coil winding within you. Your legs tensed against the couch and you tilted your pelvis without thinking. He sped up, the noise of his mouth and your slickness filled the silence. You let out a puff and moaned as you slapped the couch. The waves rolled over your flesh and you came into his mouth with a pathetic mewl.

He stilled his fingers as he lazily teased you with his tongue. He pulled his fingers out and sat back, the heat between your legs cooling in his absence as he licked up your juices. He watched you as he sucked his fingers and stood. Your head lolled and you edged forward on the couch. You tried to stand but he caught you and flung you back.

“We’re not done, baby,” he winked at you as he grasped the top of his boxers, “go on, lay down.”

You murmured your refusal and once more tried to get up. You slipped onto the floor and shakily crawled away as he dropped his boxers to his ankle. He grabbed you before you could get around the side and lifted you easily. He turned you and shoved you down onto your back as he lifted a leg over you.

He straddled you and again his hands roved over your body. You smacked at his fingers weakly but he easily ignored you. He kept one hand moving along your curves as he stroked himself with the other. He groaned and shook as he stroked his dick. Your eyes followed his hand and you gulped, he was thick.

He moved his knees back and pushed them up beneath your thighs as he kept a hand planted on your chest. He ripped your panties down your legs and untangled them from your feet.

He held you down as he ran his tip along your cunt, wetting himself with your coerced arousal. You groaned and grabbed the arm of the couch above you. You tried to pull away from him.

He pushed against your entrance and you looked at him in shock. You couldn’t stop him. His eyes were set between your legs as he inhaled and slowly eased into you. He gasped as he got his tip inside you and his muscles tensed. He bit his lip as he dove further in and you gasped as he filled you inch by inch.

“Shitttt,” he moaned as he reached his limit and you whined at how full you were, “oh, baby.”

His hand slid from your chest and he gripped your hips as he pulled back and thrust. You exclaimed and he did it again, slowly as he watched himself impale you over and over. You curled your fingers against the couch arm and your feet arch as you pressed your thighs around him. He lifted your pelvis high as he angled his dick even deeper.

“You feel so good,” he rasped, “oh, baby, you’re so good. Ahh-hh-hh,” his voice fizzled as your walls clenched him and you closed your eyes as you felt the heat building.

He moved his hand along your thigh and stretched it over your pelvis, pushing his thumb to your clit as he kept his pace. He purred as you writhed helplessly against him and you panted through the rising ecstasy.

“Please, please, please…” you chanted, unsure if you were begging him to stop or for more.

He moaned as he sped up and you sucked your lip under your teeth as you neared your peak. You quivered as your orgasm crashed into you and you let out a strangled cry. He snarled and planted his hands beside your head as he leaned over you, his hot breath tickled your face as he pounded into you.

Your legs bent around him as his pelvis rubbed against you and the friction drove you to another climax. You held onto the arm of the couch as he fucked your harder and harder. He kissed you and nibbled at your lip as he groaned and hooked an arm under to hold you close.

“You’re gonna make me cum, baby,” he said against your cheek and you turned your head away from, “ah, here I--”

He spasmed and slammed into you. He took several long thrusts and stilled. He grunted and drew heavy breaths as he rested his weight over you. He grabbed your head and turned your head up as he pressed his forehead to yours. You kept your eyes closed as the flames slowly dwindled.

“Was that so bad?” he stroked your cheek and trailed his finger down to poke between your lips, “No, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it, baby?” he wiggled his hips and you hissed, “yeah, you want me.”

#jake jensen #dark jake jensen #dark!jake jensen #jake jensen x reader #the losers #fic #dark!fic #dark fic #one shot

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keigoslovebird · 4 years

Text

Next Chapter

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

Warnings: Manga spoilers!! Pregnancy and references to pregnancy, you have a child (obvi), aged up characters, breeding kink, negative self image (on Toshi’s part), references to alcohol, self deprecating language, very fluffy Daddy Toshi shenanigans

Genre: Fluff, smut

Word count: 8.3k

Author’s note: I had so much fun writing soft husband Toshi, if it isn’t obvious by the word count. I just want to rub his soft belly and tell him how much I love him. Hopefully you enjoy this as much as I did writing it!

Note: Flashbacks indicated by italics

Wakatoshi Ushijima has always been a man of few emotions and even fewer words, with just one thing on his mind—volleyball.

Since he was a young child, he has always slept, eaten, breathed volleyball. Nothing came close to his fiery, burning passion for the sport, not that he had the time to care about anything else.

That all changed when he retired from professional volleyball at the ripe young age of thirty-one, the years of wear and tear on his body finally catching up to him. He knew it was time when the pain in his joints was so severe he could no longer keep up with his much younger teammates. It was a difficult, emotional decision, but he ultimately viewed it as passing the torch to the next generation of volleyball players.

The announcement of Wakatoshi’s retirement was met with great sadness from the sports community at the loss of such a talented, renowned player, but he left behind an exceptional legacy marked by achievements and historic wins.

His final game with the Schweiden Adlers concluded in a symbolic victory, this chapter of his life drawing to a close the same way it began—with Wakatoshi as an indisputable champion. Every player, coach, and audience member rose from their seats, clapping and screaming words of encouragement. Each of his teammates got on their knees, lowering themselves to press their foreheads into the floor of the stadium, bowing in an ultimate show of respect. The sight of his peers, his coaches, the entire auditorium giving him such an impassioned send off made a heavy lump form in his throat that refused to go away, no matter how many times he tried to swallow it down. Tears pricked at his eyes but he didn’t want to cry, not in front of all of these people.

The dam broke when you sprinted across the court, wrapping yourself around him in a bone crushing hug.

“You did so well Toshi. I am so proud of you,” you praised through choked sobs, pressing your tear-stained face into his neck. Your watery eyes and trembling smile shattered whatever willpower he had, his own tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. All those late night practices away from you, the excruciating injuries, the heartbreaking losses, all led up to this moment. This was the last time the Super Ace would step foot on a volleyball court as a professional player, but all good things must come to an end.

The screaming and clapping was so loud you could barely hear his quiet, trembling whisper of, “I love you.”

----

It took him awhile to adjust to what one would call a “normal” life, one that didn’t include daily flights from country to country or backbreaking practices that lasted from sunup to sundown. Sure he still went to the gym and practiced with the volleyball net strung up in your backyard, but it was nothing like his grueling schedule when he was a pro athlete. To make matters worse, the blinders he wore his entire life that blocked out anything but volleyball prevented him from finding any real hobbies of his own. This meant for the first few months, your husband followed you around the house like a lost puppy, just wanting to be a part of whatever you were doing.

You would be cooking dinner, some soup simmering on the stove, when Wakatoshi’s massive form would come up from behind you to shyly peek over your shoulder.

“What’re you doing?” he wondered, resting his head in the crook of your neck.

You could feel a smile tugging at your lips at how cute he was being, getting used to domestic life, something you never really got to experience until now. Before, you would often be sleeping when he came home at night, and still be asleep when he left in the morning. “I’m just cooking, do you want to help me?” you asked, holding a knife out to him to cut some vegetables. He nodded silently as he took the knife from you.

His chopping skills left much to be desired, but what could you really expect from a man who only ever held a volleyball?

Another time you were sitting on the couch, scrolling through Twitter on your phone. You could feel your husband staring so intensely you were afraid he’d pop a blood vessel in his head.

Looking up at him, you cleared your throat and asked, “Did you need something, Toshi?” You set your phone down and gave him a questioning look, hoping to solve whatever was troubling him.

He was pensive for a moment, his eyebrows scrunching as he figured out what he was trying to say. “No, I just… There’s nothing to do,” he answered finally.

You nearly burst out laughing at his concern for simply being bored, but you held it in. “Of course there’s something to do!” you exclaimed, “You can go on a walk, read a book, watch TV, or even just take a nap.”

His head tilted quizzically, unsure of what you were suggesting. “A… nap? Why would I sleep? It’s the middle of the afternoon,” he questioned, sounding like you had proposed he eat sand and not to take a quick snooze.

You chuckled and walked over to the chair he was sitting in, plopping yourself down into his lap. “Sometimes people sleep in the middle of the day because they’re tired, or just because they want to,” you clarified, “We can go take a nap right now if you would like.”

Suddenly Wakatoshi stood up, causing you to squeak in surprise, his arms securely carrying you bridal style.

“W-what’re you doing!?” you squealed, panicked by your sudden lack of solid ground, slightly struggling in arms.

He tilted his head again, reminiscent of a pet confused by its master’s orders. “We’re going to take a nap together, yes? I’m taking you to our room,” he said, jerking his head in the direction of your shared bedroom.

You stopped squirming once you took in his words, your belly fluttering with affection. Sighing happily, you snuggled your face against his chest, giving him a simple “mhm” in response.

That day Wakatoshi took his first nap since he was six years old and to this day, he still swears he’s never had a more restful, peaceful sleep in his life.

Those instances happened less and less often as he figured out ways to occupy his time that didn’t involve volleyball.

You adopted a dog, a commitment you didn’t want to make in the past due to both of your busy schedules, but your lives became a lot less hectic after Wakatoshi’s retirement. Your husband made it a daily ritual to take your puppy Leo out on a morning run, both of them returning tired and sweaty before promptly passing out for an hour. He took up a job at the local university to help coach their men’s volleyball team, deciding to try it out when the requests to lend his wisdom and skills kept coming in. Although, his favorite pastime now consists of him standing outside on the patio, beer in hand as he sweats over the flames of his fancy silver grill.

But perhaps the most significant change in your lives came in the form of your son, Hidetoshi.

Much like your refusal to commit to taking care of a dog, neither of you wanted to have kids while your lifestyle was so unfit to raise a child. You didn’t mind making those compromises for your husband, having known the path he would take since you started dating in high school. Frankly, you didn’t mind not having children at all, so it surprised you when he was the one to broach the subject.

“What if we did?” he inquired under the darkness of your bedroom.

You turned over to face him, reaching up to gently stroke his cheek. “What if we did what, my love?” you murmured.

His eyes flitted across your face with an uncharacteristic nervousness. “What if we decided to have a child?” The shock on your face made his stomach churn uncomfortably and he almost regretted saying anything at all, but his fears quickly vanished as your expression melted into a soft smile.

“We’d have to talk about it more but I’d love to have your children, Wakatoshi Ushijima.”

You had a deep, lengthy conversation about your wants, needs, plans for the future, and whether or not a kid would fit into them. Once all of your cards were on the table you decided to start trying to get pregnant, a mission that your husband took very seriously.

Even as a teenager Wakatoshi’s sex drive wasn’t very high, and his frequent absence and exhaustion in his adult life made it somewhat difficult for you to have sex often. You made up for it where you could, having phone sex and masturbating together over FaceTime, once you convinced him to do it. When he was bewildered as to why you would suggest such a salacious act, you explained you were a grown woman with needs and if he wasn’t there to take care of them, he’d have to help you in other ways. Once he realized how serious you were, he agreed.

But your husband as a young adult and your husband post-retirement are almost two completely different people in regards to sex. He has seemingly unlimited reserves of stamina, built up over years of rigorous, intense training, and he no longer had an outlet to expend them. So, his new outlet to test his endurance became you and your body.

He began fucking you every chance he got with the vigor and gusto of a hormonal teenager, seeking to make up for lost time. He asked for sex at all hours of the day, waking you up in the middle of the night with the insistent prodding of his arousal and lazily thrusting between your thighs in the early hours of the morning before you had to leave for work. He fucked you in every room in your house and on every surface—on the dining room table, in the shower, on the living room floor, and even on your back patio when you both got a little too drunk on some cheap rose.

You welcomed Wakatoshi’s insatiable hunger with open arms, unable to resist your strong, ridiculously handsome husband, but that, coupled with his seemingly limitless stamina, spelled trouble for your muscles and pelvis. In the first year after his departure from professional sports you had to call in sick to work seven times, too tired to function, too bruised to look presentable, and too sore to walk to the bathroom. At first he felt guilty for fucking you out of commission, but the way you begged him so sweetly to pound your needy, gushing cunt deeper, harder, faster and how you whimpered with delight when he bit bruises down your throat, he didn’t feel that bad. A baser, more primal part of Wakatoshi’s brain purred at his marks covering our body and relished in the way you limped. You were just too tempting, too irresistible not to ravage you every chance he got.

After you agreed to start trying for a baby, your partner’s already voracious sexual appetite became downright menacing now that he had a goal to strive for.

“Gonna breed you, gonna fill you so full with my cum and knock you up,” he grunted as he battered into your sore, dripping hole, your body folded in half in a mating press.

“P-please Toshi! Ah~ please,” you babbled, nonsensical and uncertain what you were even asking for. He had been fucking you for so long everything was muddled into a singular dreamy, intangible haze of pleasure and ecstasy.

Wakatoshi gave your clit a slap, hard enough to make you cry out. “Please what? Please breed you like a bitch in heat? Please stuff you full with my cum?” He leaned down to wrap his fingers around your throat, squeezing with enough force to make your head swim and forcing you to look into his wild olive eyes. “Well, what is it?” he demanded.

“W-want you to b-ah! Want you to breed mee,” you slurred, too drunk on the delicious feeling of his cock dragging against your pulsing walls to form a more coherent sentence.

His thrusts grew sloppy and uncoordinated with his impending orgasm. “G-gonna give you what you want, you cock hungry slut, I’m—” He came with a choked, shuddering groan, his warm cum flooding your awaiting womb.

You were both basking in the afterglow, exhausted and soaked in sweat and your combined fluids, when you noticed the furious blush spreading across your husband’s cheeks. “I apologize for what I said during sex. I… I don’t know what came over me,” he confessed, giving your shoulder a remorseful squeeze.

Giggling, you leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I really enjoyed it,” you proclaimed, “I love it when you get rough with me.”

Trying to get you pregnant gave your husband a new goal to strive for and he has never been one to do anything with less than his all.

Thanks to your husband’s dedicated efforts, you got pregnant six months after you started trying, to your shared elation and delight. Those two little lines filled you with as much excitement as they made you anxious, but as long as Wakatoshi was by your side, everything would be okay.

Seeing your little bundle of joy in a 3D ultrasound changed you, changed Wakatoshi forever. Up until then you had only seen him as a colorless little blur on a computer screen, but getting to watch his precious face scrunch and his chubby legs kick reminded you that he was a real living being. The late night sprints to the bathroom, horrible morning sickness, and miserably aching back were all worth it when you were able to hold Hidetoshi for the first time. With his olive eyes, brown hair and chubby cheeks, he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen and to this day he still is.

Taking after his father from the start, Hidetoshi was a happy baby that rarely fussed or cried, not that you complained. He slept soundly through most nights, so soundly you slept in a chair by his crib for the first month to periodically check he was still breathing, despite your husband’s insistence the baby would be fine. Your mother-in-law had insisted that you and Wakatoshi would be exhausted for the first several months after the birth. Imagine her surprised when you and Wakatoshi looked just as well-rested as usual, better even, since you no longer had to deal with pregnancy. Many people, relatives and strangers alike, were astounded at how charming and polite your son was, even as a newborn. He was happy to just sit and play with his toys as you had lunch, smiling and waving at everyone who passed by.

A man as attractive as your husband with a boy as sweet as your son meant that, much to your irritation, women were tripping over themselves to flirt with him. To make matters worse, Wakatoshi picked up your son alone most days due to your office job preventing you from leaving early enough to go with him. This meant many of the moms at Hidetoshi’s school thought your husband was single and they weren’t shy in their pursuit.

A crowd of women surrounded Wakatoshi as he waited for school to end so your son would come running out with his arms spread wide, confident his daddy would always catch him. Most of the moms simply stared at your husband with dreamy looks in their eyes, attempting to make small talk with him.

One especially bold mother reached out and stroked his bicep, slightly squeezing to get a feel for his muscles. “My my Ushijima, you’re so handsome and strong,” she purred, batting her eyelashes at him.

“My wife thinks so as well,” he grunted as he gently but firmly removed his arm from her grasp.

The woman looked as if he had slapped her across the face and cursed her family. “Y-you’re married? But you don’t even have a wedding ring!” she spluttered, “If you have a wife then where is she everyday?”

“I do have a ring. I just don’t wear it on my finger because I’m afraid of losing it,” he clarified, lightly tugging on the chain around his neck for emphasis, his ring clinking softly against the metal. “I’m happily married to my wife who cannot be here because she is hard at work providing for our family. Do not disrespect my wife or my marriage again or we will have a problem.”

After that the other moms kept their distance, choosing to admire Wakatoshi from afar. It did not, however, stop them from staring with envy on the rare occasion you came with him to pick up your child, glowering at you with an intensity that surely wished you would drop dead. Your husband paid them no mind and neither did you because at the end of the day, you’re the one he chose to marry and have a child with. They can all flirts and look as much as they want, but they’ll never have him like you do.

----

Fast forward to present day, Wakatoshi is seven years into his retirement at the age of thirty-eight and Hidetoshi is now six.

Your husband is an assistant coach part time for the men’s volleyball team at an up and coming university, the rest of his time divided between you and taking care of your son. Hidetoshi just started kindergarten, growing far too fast for your liking. He seems to have gotten a double dose of his father’s genes as he’s already several inches taller than his classmates, though you can tell by the way he smiles and the slope of his nose that he’s yours as well. He’s the perfect combination of both of you—he has Wakatoshi’s tenacity, work ethic, and confidence and your sense of humor, intelligence, and empathy. He continues to amaze you every single day and you nor your husband couldn’t imagine a boy more wonderful than him.

These days your lives are a lot less busy than they were when your husband was still a pro, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. With all the playdates, school functions, and parent-teacher conferences combined with your own job, Wakatoshi’s games, and regular house chores, sometimes it feels like you’re right back where you were ten years ago. This time, however, you have your incredible husband and son helping you and you wouldn’t trade your life for anything, no matter how hectic it may be.

Today is Saturday, it’s the weekend, and you’re only awake because of the bright sunlight that’s streaming through your bedroom window and hitting you directly in the face. You rub the sleep out of your eyes with the back of your hand, yawning loudly as you stretch your tired limbs. As soon as you try to get out of bed Wakatoshi’s arm around your waist tightens, pulling you flush against his solid, muscular chest.

“Don’t leave. Don’t need to be anywhere,” he mumbles into his pillow, voice even deeper and raspier with sleep. His legs entangle themselves with your own so you’re completely enveloped in the warm, comforting embrace of your husband.

“Need to start getting ready for the party,” you sigh drowsily, but make no efforts to remove yourself from his sleepy but surprisingly strong clutches.

“Not yet,” he says simply, and that’s when you realize when he’s doing. He’s slowly, lazily grinding his morning wood on the soft curve of your ass. You’re a little more awake now.

“Oh I see what this is about,” you chuckle, wiggling yourself against him teasingly.

He groans quietly under his breath, but you can feel the sound rumble in his chest. “Want you,” he says, still groggy from just barely waking up. His fingers find the hem of your shirt and he slips them underneath it, trailing his digits lightly down your stomach, making you shiver.

“Little man will be up soon,” you halfheartedly protest, but you can feel the warmth pooling between your legs.

“He’s not up yet, we have time.” The movements of his hips become more insistent, more demanding and you have to stifle your mewls behind your hand. Wakatoshi easily maneuvers his hand into the waistband of your panties, making a satisfied hum when he discovers you’re already dripping for him.

You’re still resisting, though it’s weak and feeble. The list of all the preparations you have to make for the barbecue still manage to just barely cut through your sleepy arousal. “We have so much to d—ahh~” You try to sound firm, but it just comes out as a breathy moan when he begins rubbing your swollen clit.

He uses his other hand to push up your shirt that’s actually his shirt, tracing small circles around your nipples with his rough fingertips. You try to push your hips into his hand in hopes to gain more friction, but his arms keep you locked in place.

“No need to rush. Let’s just enjoy this,” he insists, but the finger massaging your bud gets faster, knowing just how to make you whine after all the time he’s had to learn your body. He pinches one of your nipples between two fingers and squeezes with just enough force to make you gasp.

His erection has gotten even harder at the sound of your mewls and whimpers, hot and achingly hard against your ass and your cunt clenches in anticipation. Your slick is dripping out of you in thick, syrupy strings that makes your thighs sticky, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

“Please Toshi, need you,” you beg, desperate for your husband to stuff you full just as he’s done so many times before.

Wakatoshi doesn’t respond, opting to push his pants and underwear down to his knees and you almost sigh in relief, just needing to satisfy the desire that’s threatening to burn you from the inside out. You’re so hot you feel like you’re burning and you throw the comforter off of you to try to escape the heat. He removes the hand that was in your panties, instead using it to rub his hard length along your slick folds. You’re keening and so so needy, gasping each time the head catches on the tight ring of muscle around your entrance.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he grits out, barely able to control himself.

Your breath is coming in short, uneven pants as you try to sink yourself down onto him. “I love you so much I...”

That’s the moment when he sheaths his entire cock inside you in a singular fluid movement. You let out a strangled moan, relishing in the familiar burning as you stretch to accommodate how thick he is. Your pussy clamps down on him like a vice, molding perfectly around his length.

“It’s like you were made for me, made to take me,” Wakatoshi growls, sending another wave of arousal rippling through your body. He stays still for a moment, breathing deeply because he doesn’t want to cum and have this end so soon.

He starts moving his hips, thrusting slow and deep to reach the spongy spot inside you that makes you scream. The hand on your breast reaches around to grab your throat, stifling your moans into small, stuttering gasps. You whine each time he shoves himself deep inside you, his cock dragging deliciously against your spongy walls.

You stay like that for a while, bodies joined in the most intimate of ways as Wakatoshi moves his hips in leisurely, unhurried strokes. Your body is hot, sweaty, thrumming with the pleasure that’s so overwhelming all you can focus on is the intoxicating feeling of your husband’s cock deep inside you. The tightening in your core signals your impending orgasm, but each time you get close to the edge, it escapes your grasp over and over again. You need him to pound into you faster, harder. You need more.

“Toshi please, I-I need,” you manage to stammer out, but your words are stolen from your throat as he sharply thrusts as deep as he can, the tip of his cock smashing against your cervix with just the right amount of pressure.

“Don’t worry. I know just what you need.”

Wakatoshi is fucking you with so much force that your eyes are rolling back in your head, and all you can hear is the wet slapping sound each time he’s sucked back into your wet heat. He’s close, you can tell by the breathy groans he’s making, but so are you. You clench and spasm around him, growing impossibly tighter and bringing both of you closer to climax. His merciless pounding of your insides just gets faster and rougher, and his other hand moves down to rub your clit in tight, fast circles.

The pleasure that clouds your senses is overwhelming, just dancing on the edge between pleasure and pain and your body can’t take it anymore. Your vision goes white as you cum, cunt clamping down so hard Wakatoshi can barely move. You clamp a hand over your mouth to keep from screaming, your body shaking and trembling as you gush around him. The endless clenching of your muscles practically milks his orgasm out of him, a stifled groan leaving his lips as his thick, hot cum coats your insides. All you can do is moan softly in appreciation, too incoherent to say anything else.

Your husband presses a kiss to your sweaty neck. “Are you okay?” he asks, taking in the sight of your limp, spent body.

You haven’t caught your breath yet and your lips won’t form proper words, so you make the only noise you can, “Mmfmm.”

You whine as he slowly pulls out his softening length with an audible pop, sensitive cunt spasming at the slightest stimulation. He untangles himself from you and you want to reach out for him, but you’re too boneless to even attempt to do anything yet.

As Wakatoshi gets out of bed to get a warm washcloth, you hear the familiar sound of little footsteps making their way towards your room and you shoot up in bed, fully alert. You quickly pull the covers over your body, just in time for Hidetoshi to come bounding in.

“G’morning Mama! Where’s Daddy?” he wonders, his little head poking around the corner.

Your husband comes out of the bathroom, now fully dressed and washcloth in hand. “I’m right here, Hidetoshi.” The boy runs straight towards his father who picks him up effortlessly, swinging him around in the air as he squeals with delight. “Did you sleep well?”

Hide bobs his head enthusiastically, “Mhm! I had a dream I was a professional volleyball player just like you.”

Your loud, exaggerated sigh draws both sets of olive eyes to you, but you train your gaze on your husband. “Have you been putting ideas in his head?”

Wakatoshi shakes his head no, but the child in his arms pipes up first, “Daddy has been showing me videos of his old matches from when he was with the Schwimmy Addles.” Your husband makes a noise of surprise, a guilty look on his face now that he’s been found out.

“You two are going to be my undoing, I swear,” you chuckle as you flop back into the fluffy pillows.

Hide squirms in his father’s arms, reaching out to you, but the man recognizes the warning look in your eyes and tightens his arms around him. “We should let Mama finish waking up first. Why don’t we go downstairs and make breakfast?” he asks, tickling his sides.

The boy shrieks with laughter and wriggles even harder in Wakatoshi’s arms. “F-fine Daddy! Stooop it!” Your husband stops his tickling and hoists your son over his shoulder, gently patting his back.

He passes the washcloth to Hide. “Why don’t you give this to your mama? Then we can go have something to eat.”

Hide uses his little arms to hold the cloth out to you and you take it from him, nodding with gratitude. “Thank you sweetie, now go with your daddy.”

Your husband starts walking towards the door as a small, chubby hand waves bye to you and you blow kisses to them as they disappear into the hallway.

Using the washcloth, you clean the mess between your legs and muster the monumental effort it takes to get out of bed. You begrudgingly walk over to your dresser to put on clean pajamas and brush your hair so you’re presentable for a meal with your family. The sound of the fire alarm going off has you racing downstairs to the kitchen where Wakatoshi and your son should be.

As you slide into the kitchen and almost fall on the slippery hardwood in your haste, you realize your panic was for nothing. There’s a pan on the stove, grey smoke billowing out of it. Upon further inspection you discern that it’s eggs, you think, that are simultaneously under and overcooked. The guilty parties are sitting at the kitchen table a few feet away, a jug of milk and a couple of boxes of cereal surrounding them. Hide is shoveling spoonfuls of Cheerios into his mouth as your husband eats his own breakfast, only slightly neater in his approach.

“So… you tried to cook?” you ask, quirking an eyebrow at the large man chewing his Wheat Chex. He looks over at you and nods, mouth full with milk and cereal. “I’m guessing it didn’t go very well, judging by all the smoke,” you say slowly. Your husband simply shakes his head no, unbothered by the fact that he nearly gave you a heart attack.

Deciding it’s not worth the argument or the work to make a proper breakfast, you sit down next to Hide and pour yourself a bowl of Cheerios. He smiles at you, mouth open and full of disgusting half-chewed food, but you still return his beaming grin and ruffle his hair. The both of them are troublemakers in their own ways, but they’re your troublemakers nonetheless.

After you’ve all eaten breakfast, you lay a notepad in front of them that has a list of all the things you have to do before your guests arrive for the barbecue.

You’re standing between them, pointing at each task on the list. “I still have to sweep and vacuum the house, Toshi you need to go to the store and buy all the food, and Hide you need to pick up all your toys that are in the backyard. We have a lot to do today and everyone has to do their part, okay?” you urge, looking between the males on either side of you and they both nod emphatically.

With everyone so busy, it’s difficult to find weekends where they’re all available so this get together has been planned for months. You’ll all be seeing friends and loved ones you haven’t seen in a long time, and it’s a team effort to make sure everything is ready for tonight.

----

You finish all of the tasks on time, with an hour to spare thanks to your joint efforts.

Hide is playing in his room while you and your husband get dressed and ready for what will likely be a long night of socializing and entertaining.

As you’re doing your makeup and getting ready for the party, you notice Wakatoshi staring at himself in the mirror, shirtless. His brows are furrowed, a deep frown on his face as he scrutinizes his reflection. He pinches his belly with both hands, scowling at the softness that used to be hard muscle. Tracing a finger along the stretch marks on his stomach and arms, he sighs heavily.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” you ask from the bathroom.

Your husband walks over to lean against the wall behind you, his unreadable expression reflected in the bathroom mirror. He hesitates before answering, “I’ve let myself go.”

You set your mascara down on the counter and spin around to face him. “Wakatoshi, what in the world are you talking about?”

“I just said what. I heard a couple of my players say that I’m not as strong or as fast as I was when I was a professional.”

You loosely wrap your arms around his torso, squeezing gently. “Of course you’re not what you used to be, Toshi.” At the sight of his deepening frown you quickly add, “You’re so busy being a father, husband, and coach you don’t have the time to work out like you used to.” Getting on your tippy toes, you press a kiss to his nose, “And that’s okay.” It’s a rare occasion that he looks this vulnerable. His anxiety and self-consciousness are so clearly written in his features and it makes your heart ache for him.

“It doesn’t bother you that I don’t look like that anymore?” he asks, pointing at the framed photo of his first win with the Japan National Team that hangs on the wall.

“Why would it bother me? This is the body races my son across our backyard, helps me fix our home we bought together, and makes love to me every night. I love you just as much as I did back then, and even more now that we have Hide,” you reassure him and you mean every word of it. Sure he’s not the most romantic of husbands, but he’s your husband and you love him just the way he is, with or without muscles.

A smile tugs at the corners of his lips and he squeezes you even tighter to him. “I know I probably don’t say this as much as I should, but I love you.”

You pepper kisses all over his eyelids, lips and nose. “And I love you more than anything, Wakatoshi. More than you will ever know.”

Your hands lovingly caress his chest that’s softer now, but still sturdy and muscular, and his arms that are not as lean anymore, but are still just as powerful and capable. “For the record, I love how soft you are these days. It’s great cushioning for when we cuddle.”

“Hidetoshi says the same thing,” he recalls, smiling at the thought of your beloved son.

After giving him a knowing look, you go back to putting on your makeup. “See? I told you. That boy is just as smart as his mother.”

It’s nearing five o’clock so Wakatoshi goes to the backyard to start grilling the food for everyone, while you and Hide finish plating the fruits and vegetables you prepared earlier.

You work in comfortable silence until your son turns to you, his eyes shining with unanswered questions. “Hey Mama?”

Putting down the strawberry you were holding, you sit down on the stool next to him and hold his hands in yours. “What’s on your mind, sweetie?”

“Do you not want me to be a volleyball player like Daddy? Is that why you got mad when I told you he showed me the videos?”

You almost break your neck with how fast you shake your head in denial. “Of course not! I wasn’t mad, it’s just…” you start, trying to find a way to phrase your thoughts that he’ll understand. “Daddy’s job was very hard. His body still hurts a lot from all the times he got injured when he played volleyball. And… his job took him away from me and I missed him a whole lot.”

The look on his face is so reminiscent of his father, it’s like young Wakatoshi was frozen in time and plopped into the chair right next to you. With the way his eyebrows are scrunched up and his mouth is downturned as he thinks, he really is the spitting image of your husband. “Did it make you sad?”

Taking a deep breath, you hold your arms out to him so he can climb into your lap. “Sometimes it did. Mostly at night when I was all alone and Daddy was really far away.”

He rests his head against your shoulder, looking up at you. “Do you wish Daddy had a different job?”

You look out the window at your husband who’s starting up the grill, then look back at the sweet, round face of your boy. “No, I don’t. Daddy’s job was really important to him and it made him so happy that I grew to love it too, even if it made me sad sometimes.”

He sits up in your lap, thinking hard about what you said as he plays with your necklace. “Does Daddy still wish he could do it?”

“Probably, but it’s okay. If he hadn’t stopped, we wouldn’t have you, and you make our lives so much brighter and happier. Your Daddy and I love you so much, you couldn’t even imagine it.”

He spreads his arms out as far as he can. “This much?”

You shake your head. “Nope. Even more.”

“Wow, that’s a lot.” Hide’s eyes are wide with surprise, mouth slightly agape as he tries to imagine something so large and vast.

Laughing, you press a kiss to his head. “It sure is a lot, baby. Now why don’t we finish putting out all the food so we can go see what Daddy’s doing?”

Your son leaps out of your lap to grab handfuls of grapes and blueberries from the cartons on the counter, dropping them into the divided sections of the serving platter. “Aren’t you going to help me, Mama?”

You give him a look of mock offense before standing ramrod straight, giving him a mock salute. “As you command, Commander Ushijima.”

You carry both trays of food out to the backyard, not trusting Hide’s ability to hold them upright, while he carries a volleyball in his arms. Wakatoshi turns at the sound of footsteps, a small smile on his face as your son drops the volleyball, barreling straight into his legs with a force that makes the man grunt.

Hide looks up at his father, both arms wrapped around his legs. “Whatcha doing Daddy?” he asks.

Your husband reaches a hand down to ruffle his hair, a slight look of pain in his eyes from the boy slamming into his shins. “I’m just getting ready to start cooking the food for tonight. Do you want to help me?” He bends down to pick him up and Hide quickly hops into his arms, well practiced and effortless with how strong your husband is. The man points to different parts of the grill, explaining what they do, taking care to keep the boy far away from the flames.

Setting the plates down on the table, you inform Wakatoshi, “Hajime and Tooru should be here soon, so should Tobio and Eita. Satori called and said he might be late, something about his luggage getting lost.” At that moment the doorbell rings, signaling your first guests are here. “I’ll get it. You two stay here and get the food on the grill.”

You open the front door, greeted with the familiar faces of Hajime and Tooru. “It’s so nice to see you two! Come on inside, don’t be shy,” stepping aside, you hold your arm out to welcome them into your home.

“Mrs. Ushijima you get more and more beautiful each time I see you,” Tooru teases as you snicker in response.

“I see marriage hasn’t changed you at all, has it?” you question, more so directed at Hajime.

“I tell him people are going to get the wrong idea,” the shorter man replies, sounding exasperated.

You usher them towards the backyard before picking up various soda and beer cans. “Wakatoshi and Hide are both in the back. You two go ahead and keep them company while I bring these out.”

It takes a few trips before you join them in the backyard, handing each adult a can and a juice pouch to Hide, who’s sitting at the picnic table with Tooru while Hajime chats with your husband.

“How old are you now, little man?” the brunette asks.

Hide holds up five fingers plus his thumb as he swings his legs back and forth. “I’m six! I just started kindergarten.”

They both wave at you as you join them, sitting on the other side of the table. Tooru leans in towards you, a hand cupped around his mouth, and you tilt your ear towards him. “He’s so… polite and well-mannered. Are you sure Ushiwaka is the father?” he whispers, narrowing his eyes.

You lightly smack his head, glaring daggers in his direction. “Yes, obviously. Look at them, they’re basically twins.” Tooru looks at the boy sitting next to him then at your husband standing at the grill, then back to your son, then back to your husband. Hand on his chin, he takes in their matching olive eyes and hair and similar expressions, nodding seriously.

“I was just making sure.”

The doorbell rings a couple more times, Tobio and Eita arriving one right after the other. With almost all of your guests present, everyone is drinking and catching up, some casually passing a volleyball back and forth with Hide.

You’re in the middle of telling Tobio that Hidetoshi is too young to be thinking about his future career when the doorbell rings once more, indicating the last of your guests has arrived. You rush inside to get it, not bothering to check who’s there because you already know who it is. Swinging the door open, you pull the man into a tight hug.

“Satori! We’re so glad you made it,” you exclaim, giving his back a few hard slaps.

The redhead pulls away from you, smiling. “I’m so glad I was able to make it in time. The airport lost my luggage, then my parents forgot to leave me a key to their house so I had to wait until a neighbor could let me in. To make matters worse, I got stopped by security when I landed because of this,” he says, holding up a white box with a bow around it.

You quickly grab the box, shaking it to try to hear what’s inside and sniffing it for good measure. “Ooh la la, did you bring us some fancy French chocolates?” you ask. “Actually, don’t tell me, Hide will want to open it.” You hand the box back to him and gesture him to follow you, “Everyone’s in the back so just follow me.”

With Satori in tow, you step onto the back porch and call your son’s name. He hands the ball to Eita before running over, eyes lighting up when he sees the man standing next to you.

“Uncle Tori!” he shouts, launching himself into Satori’s arms.

“Hey there Little Toshi, how you been? Keeping your dad out of trouble?” he asks, hugging the boy tightly.

“I think so! Well… we burnt some eggs this morning and the smoke machines started beeping, but that doesn’t count, right?”

The red-haired man waves his hand dismissively. “Of course it doesn’t. Any crimes committed in the name of breakfast are excused,” he insists. Pulling the box out from behind his back, he offers it to Hide. “I brought you something all the way from France, do you know where France is?”

Hide takes the present from him, “Yeah, it’s in Europe! Daddy showed it to me on a map.” He struggles a bit with the bow before he decides to just rip it off, lifting up the lid.

Satori points to the various chocolates laid on top of wax paper. “This one is filled with something called ‘ganache,’ which is basically just more chocolate, but it’s liquidy. That one over there has caramel, and the one right next to it is a bonbon filled with strawberry jelly. I picked all the best ones just for you.”

The boy smiles, eyes wandering over the chocolates like they’re bars of gold. “Thank you Uncle Tori! I bet they’re really yummy.”

He pats Hide on the head. “I hope you enjoy them lots. Now I gotta go say hi to your daddy, where is he?” Your son points to where Wakatoshi is standing at the grill, a spatula in one hand and a beer in the other as he chats with Tobio. “Thanks Little Toshi,” he says, ruffling his hair.

Satori walks over to your husband, pulling him into a crushing bear hug before he can say anything. “Wakatoshi, it’s been too long! I sure get lonely all the way in France, have you guys ever thought about moving?”

Wakatoshi freezes for a moment before giving in, hugging the man back, though slightly stiff in his movements. “We will not be moving to France. Hidetoshi will be raised here in Japan.”

The redhead releases him, sensing his discomfort. “Well, it was worth a shot. How’s your retirement? You miss being a pro?”

“I do miss it sometimes, but it was necessary to let a better, younger player take my place. I wouldn’t trade a few more years on the court for the life I have now with my wife and my son.”

Satori lets out a loud whistle. “I never thought I would hear the day that Wakatoshi Ushijima would say he cares about anything more than volleyball.”

“Volleyball was my entire life before, but they’re my entire world.”

The shorter man just smiles, silent for a moment before pointing to the apron your husband is wearing. “I didn’t think you’d actually wear that thing, Wakatoshi!” The apron black with bright red lettering that says ‘Wakatoshi: Grill Master,’ with a drawing of a flaming steak next to it.

“It keeps my clothes clean. Why wouldn’t I wear it?” he asks, genuinely curious. The redhead just laughs and shakes his head, patting him on the shoulder.

Your husband finishes grilling the food, much to the excitement and relief of the many hungry men who have been circling him like a hawk. Everyone takes from the piles of meat and vegetables, noticeably happier now that their stomachs are full. You’re all sitting around the picnic table, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

Hajime recalls a story from when he first signed on as the athletic trainer for the national team. Wakatoshi had approached him after practice, saying he had a serious issue that he wanted someone to take a look at. Concerned for his player’s wellbeing, naturally he took him into the locker room and Wakatoshi took off his shirt. At first, he thought he might’ve stretched one of his ligaments too far or had even torn his rotator cuff muscle. Imagine his surprise when Wakatoshi pointed to an ingrown hair on his back, saying it was inflamed and causing him pain. It was then that Hajime had to explain that he’s not that type of medical professional, and that he should make an appointment with a dermatologist.

The sun starts to set, but with the fun everyone is having they barely notice. The night begins to wind down once Hide yawns, rubbing his eyes tiredly, and it sets off a chain reaction of yawning that reaches every person at the table. Your son starts tugging on your sleeve, informing you he’d like to go to bed. Not wanting to leave him alone in the house and taking note of the exhaustion on everyone’s faces, you politely suggest to end the night early. A chorus of heads bob, indicating their desire to head home and sleep.

All three of you hug and kiss everyone goodbye, waving to them as they drive away. You sigh from exhaustion and head inside to put Hide in bed. You and your husband hold each of his hands and take him to his room, pulling back his covers so he can climb in.

He yawns again and closes his eyes, settling into his bed. “Night night Mama, Daddy. I love you.”

You stroke his cheek lovingly before placing a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight sweetie, I love you too.”

Your husband comes up from behind you to kiss Hide as well. “Sleep well, Hidetoshi. I love you.”

With your son asleep in his own bed, all you have to do is take off your makeup and brush your teeth before you too can sleep.

You’re in the middle of washing your face when Wakatoshi comes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“I enjoyed tonight, I hope you did too,” he says.

You turn around to look at him and smile. “I did, it was amazing to see everyone in one place. It’s been years since we were all able to see each other.” After you finish washing your face, you stretch and yawn loudly, telling your husband, “I’m getting in bed now, join me when you’re done.”

Climbing under the sheets, you nestle yourself into the softness of your bed. You nearly doze off right then, but the shifting of the bed under Wakatoshi’s weight keeps you awake just a bit longer.

He slides in behind you so he can spoon you, an arm slung over your waist.

“Goodnight Toshi, I love you.”

“Goodnight, I love you too.”

Before he falls asleep, Wakatoshi thinks of all the things in his life that led him here, to you, his wonderful wife, and his precious son.

Leaving professional volleyball was one of the hardest decisions he’s ever had to make in his thirty-seven years of living, but the end of that chapter of his life gave him Hidetoshi.

He knows that every moment of uncertainty, suffering, and hardship was worth it because it ultimately led him to you and your son, to this life you’ve built together.

He’d do it all over again a thousand times over if it meant that your beautiful, shining face would be there to greet him in the end.

#ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #ushijima x you #hq smut #hq fanfic #reader insert #hq reader insert #hq imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #ushijima smut #bunny scribbles

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otakusheep15 · 3 years

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SFW Alphabet - Solomon

This is for my best friend/mother as she is the biggest Solomon simp I’ve ever seen lol. Also, this is gonna be angsty cause I love writing angsty Solomon

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He pretends to not like affection, but he’s a softie and we all know it. Really, all he needs is a hug and he’ll just melt on the spot.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

One word: chaos. You two as best friends cause untold destruction and cause Lucifer several migraines per day. Being besties with him also means being besties with Asmo, so be prepared for that as well.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves cuddles. Maybe it’s just the fact that he hasn’t had much physical contact in who knows how long, but he loves any form of contact. His favorite ways to cuddle is him on his back with you either laying on top of him, or on the side of him with your head on his chest.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I can’t see him as the type to settle down, be he’d consider it depending on the person. And while he’s a terrible cook, he’s not half bad at cleaning and other household chores.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d be super blunt about it. Honestly, he’s scared to get with anyone to begin with since, ya know, immortality and all, so it’s been a while since he’s actually had to break it off. His main goal when breaking up with someone is to get them away from him, so he wants to make sure the way he breaks up with them will make them want to stay away.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Afraid of commitment. I imagine the last time he tried to commit to someone was before he became immortal, so having to watch them die made him vow to never get that close to anyone again. Then he met you, and all of that has been thrown out the window. He might try and rush things a bit, but he just wants as much time with you as possible. So, while he is afraid to commit, he’ll do it for you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s bad at human interaction, so he might not know if he accidentally hurts you, but he’ll be quick to apologize once he realizes. Honestly, he’s better at being physically gentle since he can control that better than emotions.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs. They’re one of his favorite things ever. He just finds such comfort in them, and they’re great for stress relief. His hugs are a bit on the aggressive side, but they’re still very enjoyable.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He’d say it on accident. And then he’d try to play it off to hide how embarrassed he is. It is pretty early on, but he does mean it with all his heart. Please say it back, he hasn’t heard it in a while.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets extremely jealous. Like, you spend so much time with the brothers and he can’t stand that. Of course, he would never admit it, but he would try everything he can think of to get you away from them. Once, he almost resorted to food poisoning out of sheer desperation.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses differ depending on his mood, but they’re usually soft and full of passion. His favorite place to kiss you is your neck because it gets a nice reaction out of you. His favorite place to be kissed is the top of his head cause he’s secretly a big softy who wants to be babied.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s not the most fond of kids, but he’ll tolerate them. They’re are fun to tease though, especially Luke.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

he’s either waking you up at the crack of dawn to work on some new potion, or he’s sleeping in until past noon and refuses to get up. Regardless, you are not leaving his side. If he gets up, he’ll drag you up with him. If he wants to stay in, he’ll hold you there until he’s satisfied.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’ll usually be up late working on something or other, but he’s never up for too long. He jins you in bed when he’s done, and he’ll cuddle the crap out of you an an apology for keeping you waiting. He’s also fond of talking to you about random stuff that happened throughout the day until one or both of you fall asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

This man is one of the most secretive people to ever exist. He wants to open up to you, honestly he does, but he just can’t. he’s so worried that all of his emotional baggage will drive you away, and he couldn’t stand losing another person he cares about. So, he keeps everything hidden. With time, he’ll start opening up if you push enough buttons.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s really good at pretending he’s patient. On the outside he’s his same-old self, but on the inside he’s fuming. His patience tends to wear especially thin around the brothers (except Asmo). It’s a mixture of jealousy for how much time they spend with you, and anger that they refuse to make a pact with him. But he keeps it all under wraps.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He does remember a good bit of information, but he sucks at remembering small details. For example, he may know what month your birthday is in, but he cannot remember the actual date. Or, he would remember your favorite movie genre, but not your favorite movie in said genre. He tries his best though.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He loves this one time where you tried to help him cook something. You were tired of dealing with the mess that is his cooking skills, and you wanted him to make something that wouldn’t kill you. Everything started out fine until you accidentally get some flour on him. It wasn’t much, but still. He just turns to you without saying anything before launching some flour right back at you. And then the casual baking session turns into an all-out food war. The kitchen is a mess and you two end up getting scolded by Simeon later, but it was totally worth it.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Oh he’s very protective. I mean, you’re a defenseless human surrounded by powerful demons who want to eat you, of course he’d be protective. He would never mean to over-bearing, but he can come off that way sometimes. He used to protect those he cared about before he became immortal, so the habit comes back with you now. He doesn’t need protecting for obvious reasons, so it’s all the more reason to focus on protecting you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Surprisingly, he prefers more lowkey dates. Maybe it’s because he rarely gets any alone time with you, but he loves just chilling out together practicing magic. if you did want to go out, he would take you somewhere in the Human World to get away from all the chaos of the Devildom.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Obviously, his cooking could kill a man, but we’re gonna move past that since it’s low hanging fruit. Besides that, he has a tendency to by pretty cunning and he’s always planning some kind of prank. He also has a tendency to get jealous of the brothers a lot, and that can make him salty when you guys can finally hang out.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He used to be pretty concerned with his looks, but he’s gotten over it. He still tries to look decent since he is in the presence of some powerful demons, but it isn’t at the forefront of his mind. Although, since becoming besties with Asmo, his vanity has started picking up again.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Maybe yes, maybe no. He’s had to deal with loss several times over, so he could probably learn to deal with it like he did before, but you could be different. It really just depends on what kind of impact you have on him during your time together.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

We all know that it’s basically canon that he and Asmo have hooked up before lol. But I also lowkey think he’s hooked up with both Barb and Satan. I have no real reason as to why I think this, but I do and I’m sticking to it. I don't even ship it that much, I just think he would do something like that.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He actually doesn’t like someone he knows he’d get attached to. He doesn't want to go through that pain again, so he wants to remain distant. Also, he doesn’t like someone who doesn’t understand or accept what he’s been through and what he’ll continue going through. He wants someone who understands and who he can talk to about it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He gets very clingy in his sleep. If he’s sleeping with someone, they can expect to be trapped in his arms until he wakes up. And if you try to escape, he just hugs you even tighter.

#OBEY ME #shall we date obey me #shall we date solomon #Headcanon #scenarios #sfw alphabet

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nevermindirah · 3 years

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part 3, "Kid": How every character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood relates to the main character, Nile Freeman

Stop writing people calling Nile "kid" 2k4ever

Andy calls Nile a baby one time, minutes after first dreaming of her. Andy then calls Nile "kid" three times, all to her face, all in the first few hours of their acquaintance. Booker calls Nile "kid" once, on the porch outside the bar. That's it. The context for these lines is super interesting, and calling Nile "kid" in fic doesn’t make any sense without the original context.

When Andy, Joe, Nicky, and Booker wake up from first dreaming of Nile, Joe and Nicky immediately start sharing facts they noticed, and Joe starts sketching. Booker is in his feelings but he contributes a few things to the saying-facts-out-loud rally.

Andy is 100% in her feelings. She starts the conversation with "No, not another one." Then once the boys have gathered a bunch of facts and Booker says "I felt her die" Andy comes in with this:

Andy: [stares at nothing straight ahead, voice is remote, detached.] She’s a Marine. [Joe and Nicky look up together.] Combat. Or near combat duty. Afghanistan. [Shakes her head slowly, wearily.] It’s been over two hundred years. [Whispers, anguished, buries head in hands.] Why now?

Got it. Joe and Nicky are the competent soldiers, Booker is the semi-competent drunk, Andy is the boss. Andy is the fucking depressed boss. It's in this context that Andy, having analyzed the information her direct reports just gave her, made the determination that Nile is a Marine in Afghanistan, and let her team have a brief back-and-forth about whether to change their plan to go retrieve the new one before announcing the decision that is ultimately hers to make, refers to Nile as a baby.

Andy: Get to France. Use the Charlie safe house. I’ll meet you there. [Joe examines his sketch, blows pencil-dust off it. She stares at Booker.] Find Copley. [Joe tears out the page and hands her the sketch. Andy stares at it.] Jesus. She’s just a baby.

Andy's metric fuckton of I AM BEYOND DONE just leaps off the page/screen. Keep that existential exhaustion in mind as we see her early interactions with Nile.

Nile: [stands, panting, regards Andy suspiciously.] Who are you? Andy: I lead a group of immortals. An army, I guess. Soldiers. Fighters like you. [softer tone.] Look... [Andy steps toward her; Nile steps back.] You’ve got questions, kid. I get it. [tiny smile, small nod.] You want answers? Get back in the car.

Andy: [lightly] And I was the one who cut your throat. Right? [stares at Nile, who stares back, then looks away; she has no answer for that.] Listen, kid. You already believe in... [points upward, follows it with her eyes.] You should just keep following that illogic. [Pulls her jacket over her shoulders as a blanket, turns on her right side, back to Nile, lies on the pile of duffel-bags like a reclining chair.] You’re already on board with the supernatural. [Speaks with eyes already closed; it makes no difference to her.] If I were you, I’d get some sleep.

[Nile stands slowly, glaring at Andy, sets her body as she prepares to continue the fight.] Andy: You really want to do this, kid? [Andy’s eyes are bright, her expression relaxed but anticipating; she looks like she thinks this will be fun.]

Andy is looking at this retrieval mission as something that must be done, but quickly and with as little disruption as possible to her team's ongoing mission to find Copley and protect themselves from exposure. And then here comes Nile Freeman, competent as hell, taking no shit, questioning everything, stabbing her and escaping a moving vehicle and just fucking fighting her at every turn.

"Jfc kid will you just get in the goddamn car" feels pretty reasonable in that context, yeah? At least from Andy's perspective. From Nile's, you're fucking right you're gonna ask some goddamn questions before getting on a drug-smuggling plane with someone who just shot you in the head.

It's worth noting that Andy doesn't precisely say "jfc kid will you just get in the goddamn car" — she says "I need you to get back in the car please." She says "can you please not do that again" when Nile fucking stabs her. She's exhausted and frustrated and just trying to get through this and back to her main mission, and from what we see of her so far she's generally gruff as a person, but she's not an asshole, and she’s really showing Nile some respect here, all things considered. I mean, imagine being this polite when someone stabs you. This is a tired adult trying to get another tired adult on board with a sensible plan.

Andy: Argh! [Andy grabs Nile’s knife hand.] Fuck! [throws it violently aside, forcing Nile back a step. With the knife still in her, Andy sighs deeply and looks at Nile. Nile recovers her balance and stares that Andy is hardly reacting to having a knife in her.] Can you please [grabs the knife with left hand, yanks it out] not do that again? [throws the knife on the ground.]

Once they fight on the plane, Andy never calls her kid again. Andy is already starting to regain some of the energy her long life has worn away from her after just 10 minutes on screen with Nile. Andy went into this retrieval determined to be someone Nile can rely on, and that still stands, but by the time they’re in France she’s realizing she’ll come to be able to rely on Nile too. She introduces her to the boys as Nile and that's that.

The only other time we hear the word "kid" in the entire movie is near the end, outside the bar with Booker.

Nile: Yeah. [takes a breath.] Talked to Copley. Said he could fix it. Make it look like I was killed in action. [nods gently to herself] My family will mourn, but, uh... [tiny shrug, head-shake.] ...they’ll be able to move on. It’s just like what we did with my dad. [sighs. Turns to look out over the water. Voice wavers.] I just really want to hear my mom’s voice one more time. Booker: [looks down, pauses, turns to lean next to Nile.] You’re a good kid, Nile. [looks at her, speaks earnestly.] You’re gonna be great for the team.

Sébastien le Livre, whose greatest tragedy is that his children disbelieved and rejected his love for them, would be very moved by Nile's concern and love for her mother. "You're a good kid, Nile," in the sense that she's honoring her parent in a way he, a bereaved parent, appreciates.

There's also the fun shippy reading that he's preemptively friend-zoning her because there's about to be several lifetimes between him and spending any more time with this woman he was having an obvious "oh no she's hot" reaction to over dinner in Goussainville, but I, a feral BoN shipper, like the first reading even better.

But the point is, calling Nile "kid" is an element of the movie that says a lot about the characters using that word. When it gets repeated in fanfiction, it says something about the author.

If you're reading this and reflecting "oh shit I wrote the team calling Nile kid without thinking about it at all beneath the surface" I have a really cool suggestion for you: just edit it. Or at least consider not doing it again. We all make mistakes. We all run with things that we pick up in canon or see in other people's fic that seem funny and harmless, and once we think about those things more deeply we might find that actually it's kinda fucked up, or not what canon was trying to say, or fine on the surface but not fine if it becomes The One True Fanon. Having characters who are either white, men, or both call the adult protagonist who's a young Black woman "kid" all the time carries a weight to it. Please let's let that weight fall off Nile's fully-grown shoulders.

Next up, orders, suggestions, assistance, and other flavors of mentoring Nile and/or telling her what to do. Credit and appreciation to StarWatcher for transcribing the movie here on AO3, all my line quotes are pulled from there.

#nile freeman #andromache the scythian #yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #sebastien le livre #book of nile #dirah discusses tog team dynamics #tog meta #tog #mine #userhayls

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helpinghanikan · 4 years

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Hot Date

Pietro Maximoff x Reader

Sum: It shouldn't have to be said that SHIELD researchers aren't allowed to date their wards. But that doesn't stop the romantic tension from forming between you. The real question is, whose feelings will be most affected when the tension finally boils over?

Anomalous weapons supervisor was typed out on your paychecks, but babysitter would be a better description. Diplomas, experience and more resulted in your butt on bleachers. Watching the important people play around with powers few in this world understood.

Whoever designed this area probably didn’t know who exactly would be using it. It had the basics; a track for running, mats for sparring and weights for lifting. With more off the wall items thrown in that might be useful to the superpowered individuals using it. Like the massive metal balls being lifted and lowered by the red magic of your charge. Or one of your charges at least.

‘Wanda seems to have complete control of her powers. Whether these powers are coming from her mind or some sort of muscle in her hands has yet to be known.’ You type out just intime to get a guest sitting to your right.

“Can I get an autograph when your book is finished?” Pietro has been working on his accent, so had Wanda. As much pride as the two had they were still looking to adapt. But there were still hints of it on certain words. Especially when he’s this close not really trying.

“Only if I get to sign those tits.” Obviously, a joke, but you still had to take a quick glance to the camera. Just in case you get dragged into a meeting and this comes back up about your unprofessional comments. Not that it would stop your work.

“I can live without the signature,” Wanda’s voice, although distant, echoed in the wide space. “You’ve spelt many things wrong anyhow.”

Few people could say they were as close to the Maximoff twins as yourself. Even after the discovery of an alien/god, of the defrosting of a super-solider and the destruction from a billionaire people were wary of the twins.

It was through simple respect that Wanda had warmed up to you. You hadn’t talked to her with artificial kindness, didn’t look to the guards when her voiced raised even the slightest. No, you had asked how she was (the room was too hot for her), if she needed anything (just wanted to know how much longer she was going to be questioned), if she liked coffee or tea (tea is preferred), and how she was doing, really doing (she was tired, you all were).

It was another story for Pietro. Only trusting you after Wanda obviously saw you as a friend. Taking his own time to warm up after getting the same genuine experience you offered rather the blunt questions and stupid statements. It was the dinner you invited them to that sealed the deal. Nothing brings people together more than a lot of meat, the warm feeling of alcohol and a quiet afternoon with a food coma.

“What have you written?” Pietro asks, your laptop now in his hands.

There’s no point in trying to stop him when he snatches things. A child who had to move fast for food and safety makes petty theft a hard habit to beat. Not to mention Wanda already knew everything that went into your daily reports with a blink of her eye, it was seemingly only fair that Pietro got to know to.

“Same stuff I was doing yesterday, and the day before and the day before that and the-.”

“Yes, yes, thank you!” Pietro says, used to the child like taunts and knowing to stop you early.

With nothing of interest on said laptop he turned it back over to you. Taking his place leaning against your shoulder as you begin to work once more. Only speaking up to ensure you add in the correct description of his improvement.

These reports were supposed to be done without the twins knowledge. You were supposed to be a spy on the side of the government. Although it was blamed on Wanda’s mindreading in reality you had never tried to hide them. These friendships were genuine, resulting with the man practically putting himself in your lap to try and keep your attention.

"How much longer do we have to do this ‘training’?” Although a grown man Pietro could act like a little boy sometimes. When he’s done, he’s done. Taking whatever actions needed to get through his current situation and move on.

“For as long as the door is closed, Pietro.” Wanda has set the metal down. Taking slow steps to reach her brother and friend. “She would likely go faster without you hanging on her.”

There is no smooth way to say this; Pietro is a big spoon. Any chance he gets a hug or to hold someone results in being overwhelmed in lean muscle. Pietro was the only warmth during those impossible cold nights as newly orphaned children. His legs and arms creating a shelter that protected his chosen from any harm from ever happening. You were one of chosen now, which explained the face made at having to get up.

“Alright kids, let’s head home.” You say, slapping the laptop closed for effect.

You were one of several who kept an eye on the twins throughout the day. Wanda and Pietro pretended not to notice how certain employees just happened to always be in the hallway when walking through. Or the little cameras that were hidden in plain sight among the decorations in their quarters. And that’s not including all the mom aged agents “just checking in” at random times, complete with the sing song voice and overuse of the word “sweetie”.

On any other day you would have followed them into their quarters. Give them a recommendation for the TV and even stay awhile to watch it with them. A chime from your phone changing the day’s proceedings. It’s only a second-long hesitation that announces this change to the twins.

Pietro says your name in a tone different than the one earlier. It’s a tone of concern that snaps your head up at him. Wanda hanging around the quarter’s entryway, staying close enough to be apart of the conversation.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, now with your attention.

“What? Yeah, yes, I just got a…you know, a hot date.” You turn your phone to face him. Not long enough for him to read the entire message but enough to know that you weren’t completely hiding anything “I’ll see you guys later. Brush your teeth before going to bed, I’ll know if you don’t.”

Before Pietro or Wanda could give a retort the door slid shut.

“Who were they talking to?” Pietro asked the only other person in the room.

Wanda didn’t answer. Rather tilting her head towards her brother. Rolling her eyes when he asked “what? Wanda, what?”

Although officially a desk agent there were times the field required someone of your talents. When this happened, all other duties had to be dropped in exchange for an outfit change and a fancy car shared with your accompanying field agent. Natasha has been your designated agent since the first field mission and could now be considered a friend.

It would seem the babysitter had become the baby. Including having your clothes laid and being helped into them before reaching the car.

“You’re an heiress looking for some expensive decorations and I am your lovely assistant and translator for the evening.” Natasha says, holding the under-suit’s legs open for you to slip into. “We’ll show up fashionably late. You are incredibly rich and important and better than all of them. So, don’t make eye contact with anyone, and try not to say anything, they’re below you.”

Unlike fulltime field agents you weren’t trained enough to go without serious protection. Not just in the form of an accompanying agent but also in a (jokingly called) bullet proof onesie. So, fitting it was essentially a bullet-proof wetsuit that stopped at the knees and elbows. Making the clothes to wear over it something with long sleeves, past the ankles and covers the neck. Sunday school appropriate for this event.

“Can I fake an accent? Like, German?” It was a dumb question for you to ask, but the ride to the gallery was already taking longer than it should.

“Hmm, Let’s hear it.” Natasha doesn’t look up from her phone but still sounded interested.

“Vell-,”

“Stop.”

Very special pieces were being auctioned off tonight. Invite only without any advertisements to say what’s up for grabs to outsiders. Although the windows were blacked out and authorities were paid off (but obviously not enough) supposedly nothing for sale was illegal. But if that were true you wouldn’t have found a seat in the front row.

The language of the night was deeply European. One or two words you could maybe guess what they meant but there was no way you could name it. Nat knew it though; it kept her ears perked to the room and her mouth right next to your ear for most of the night.

First items up were the typical rich people arty stuff; vases and paintings that probably represented something to someone if you squinted. Those went for a year’s paycheck in minutes. It was after the third portrait of some lady now long dead that Nat placed a hand on your back, just below the neck.

“Next up is ours,” she whispered. “you’re doing good and you’re doing great.”

The entire night was spent with better manners than an office setting could ever be. Back straight, eyes forward, and no one is allowed to make eye-contact. It’s only when the target was wheeled in that your mask was starting to slide.

Genuine HYDRA blueprints for a titanium prosthetic. White ink on blue paper with decades old coffee stains and tiny tears, spread up and out under protective glass like a butterfly. Although Mr. Barnes had a serious upgrade with the Vibranium he now used. But these blueprints showed just how advance the original was for the time.

Sitting forward as it’s wheeled by wasn’t enough to authenticate the prints. Something you easily communicated to Agent Romanoff with just a look.

It was a bad idea, it called why too much attention, but Agent Romanoff whipped her head towards one of the several employees of the auction. Curling her finger at them to get them over and in her speaking line.

She speaks quickly, and with an edge to her voice, to the employee. With only a few words back that same employee returned to his post and spoke to the next man in charge.

“They going to invite a few of us up to inspect the piece,” Agent Romanoff whispers, “You’re going to have to be fast, we’re going on stage.”

Others in the audience made their way onto the stage when invited. Agent Romanoff ensures that you are somewhere in the middle of it. Heels and heavy shoes making creating white noise for your work to be done.

In all HYDRA’s documents, blue-prints and almost everything else their symbol was hidden throughout it. A little game of where’s the octopus in two places. A large, but translucent, icon covering the center. And a smaller one in the bottom right-hand corner, hidden behind the creator’s signature. Reproductions never had the smaller symbol, but the stains and fingerprints ensured you were right.

Later, during the debrief, you would be lectured about the importance of subtlety and espionage. But how was the look you gave Agent Romanoff any different than how others were looking at their people?

After that (completely natural and not at all suspicious) nod Natasha’s arm was around your back. This was part you were suddenly feeling ill. This was the part your assistant/translator/arm-candy would escort you out with just enough urgency and demands for the bathroom that you’d be gone before everyone was in their seats. Apparently this was also the part a sudden security guard fires twice into your chest.

“Watch your head.” Although not yelling Agent Romanoff’s voice was firm.

It's hard to say which was scarier; the bullets aiming firing for your death or how calm and professional Agent Romanoff was about it all. Although, few rounds were actually fired inside the auction hall.

Agent Romanoff shot an arm out to the first security. Pushing his gun up and inward quick enough to catch his jaw and take him out of the game. Agent Romanoff keeping the downed man’s sidearm for herself.

That was really the only bit of action you clearly saw that night. When things go wrong in the field it’s the agents job to remove their ward from the situation with minimal injuries. As the researcher your job was much simpler; don’t die. “Keep your head down, use your arms to protect yourself and trust your agent.” Was hammered in during field training. With this mantra running over and over you weren’t in the position to watch the mess happening all around.

“Someone, call the police!” It takes a second to realize it’s Agent Romanoff yelling this. In a panicked, almost shrill, voice that practically screamed ‘we’re being victimized!’

With all the guests now properly riled up it was easier to exit the building. Allowing the oncoming mod to carry the two of you out of the building without much more fuss from security. Trying to kill an agent was one thing but killing a rich connected person (or worse their spouses) would be on an entirely new issue.

Someone stepped on your foot. Another put an elbow in your rib harder than the bullets. And a third open hand pushed you, and your agent, right out the door and onto the street. It was only through the strength of Agent Romanoff, and your handling of flats, that this mission could be considered successful.

The blueprints were already being tracked and followed by the time you’re stripped down to underwear. The pretty clothes had to be taken removed, the makeup wiped off, hair undone, and the bullet proof onesie had to be taken away. Simple tank-tops, shorts and a coat were worn on the journey home. By the time it’s all off, and you’re finally walking into the apartment, it shouldn’t be surprising how you looked to others.

“Have a good time?” It takes a second to realize it’s just the roommate asking the question.

It’s expected that any roommate a SHIELD employee takes on would also be with SHIELD. The two of you weren’t in the same division or even security level part of why living together worked out so well. She was in the know enough to hear you complain but enough in the dark to keep any secrets from getting out.

“Yep, had a real banger of a night.” Although a friend and technical coworker you couldn’t disclose too much about the missions. At least not until the green light is given by the higher ups. Instead, you can only give the people something to speculate about. “Can’t wait to see what the bruises are going to look like tomorrow.”

Spoiler alert: the bruises looked like hickeys. Something noticed by Roommate but keeping quiet about it in exchange to heading out early. Ready with the latest thing to share with the office mates.

Just like any working environment gossip is always somewhere underfoot. After being dragged in by someone who couldn’t leave it at home it’s then latching onto everyone who came close enough to hear it. Most ignore it, others listen then forget and others drag carry it further into the workplace. Until researchers leaning against the wall talk too loudly and Pietro catches a few too many words.

“Who were they talking to?” Pietro asks once the housing area’s door shut. Quickly clearing things up with the use of your name.

“I’ve haven’t seen them yet.” Wanda doesn’t care enough to close her book but does enough to look up.

“No, yesterday. Before they left, someone messaged them. Who was it?”

Wanda shrugs and returns to her book, but there’s a smile there.

“You know who it is,” He says, now on beside her. “Tell me.”

“I can’t say for sure,” She’s smiling again. Only a slight glance at Pietro. “but I think he may be very handsome.”

The siblings argued as siblings do. With Wanda teasing as sisters do. All of this could be heard before you even made it to the door. Standing at its threshold to listen as the two go at it.

“Natasha will tell you the same, Pietro.” Wanda says, probably aware that you were in hearing distance. “And she says he can do more than simply be handsome.”

Although you say nothing Wanda grins at you.

The gossip overheard is just words without evidence. Just enough to get Pietro thinking but not enough to create any serious emotions. But the “evidence” to create those emotions was now standing in the room. Small marks darker than your natural skin was peaking out from the lower neckline.

To you, they were simple bruises, nothing worth trying to hide, even something to brag about to the other desk workers. To Pietro it was marks of another person, something that pursed his lips and marched away from. Doing so slowly, to be sure that both you and Wanda were aware of how upset he was.

“I missed something.” You say, setting everything down on the counter.

Wanda has a habit of sneaking into other people’s minds. The mission, the shots and the everything was slowly being filed through in the back of your head. A pressure at the base of your neck screaming that there was an intruder.

“Stop it.” You snapped, but Wanda only smiles back.

“How was your ‘hot date’?” She finally asks.

“Is that what he’s…sonofabitch. Pietro!” There are only three rooms in this section of the compound. One being Wanda’s, another Vision’s and the third Pietro. Making it easy enough to find the pouting grown man.

“What?” He asks upon your entering.

There isn’t a response on your part for moment or two. Spending that time going to the room’s corner. Standing on tiptoes to find that switch that definitely doesn’t exist on the camera. Shutting it down for the time being before turning to start your explanation.

“You can turn that back on.” He says from his place on the bed. “There’s nothing bad we need to talk about.”

“So, you don’t wanna hear about how I was shot in the tit?”

Manners were out the window at this point. Pietro openly looking towards your chest. Back up to your face, and back down to your chest. “You were shot? They look more like…”

“They’re not hickeys, I was shot a few time through a suit.” Frustration was starting to build up. It was overflowing when you finished with “You really should know about being shot.”

The hurt on his face screamed. He didn’t look away but stayed staring forward right at you. “Pietro, I’m so…I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“It hurts,” He says. “Being shot, it really hurts.”

“I’m sorry.” Even as you walk around to sit beside him Pietro stares at where you were. Listening to your apology but not saying much else. Until he dares to lean against you. Something more than cuddling with a friend this time around. “I get it, I get you’re scared and all that. And I really like you, Pietro, I like you more than I am allowed to.”

It’s hard to say who started the kiss, but it doesn’t really matter. It was happening, and it was so much more than a something between friends.

“When that camera comes back on this didn’t happen.” You say in a moment of separation for air.

“What happens when the camera goes off again?” He asks, thumb rubbing over the bruise.

#reader insert #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #quicksilver x reader #Pietros' alive au #One shot #Fluff kinda #Angst kinda #This is based on that window between 2012-2016 when everything was happy for the Avengers #Requested on my AOW #Not used to writing these kind of stories

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axwalker · 3 years

Text

Bad Timing: Kismet

Book: The Royal Romance (AU)

Pairing: Drake Walker x Alexis O’Brien (MC)

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is escaping a terrible past. After months of running she settles in Cordonia where she meets Drake at the bar where she works and they spend a passionate night together.

What happens when a one-night-stand turns into unexpected parenthood?

This chapter

MASTERLIST

WORDS: 3,890 🙊

POV: Dual

TRIGGER WARNINGS: None for this chapter. In the future, mentions of domestic violence, and explicit sex scenes.

ALL MY FICS ARE +18

A/N: I apologize for any grammatical errors.

I switch between Drake’s and Alexis’ POV several time in this chapter. I hope it’ll be clear enough!

PRESENT TIME Alexis

After a one-hour bus ride and a 20-minutes walk, I finally find the correct address. When I reach the massive iron gates, I punch in the code Mr. Beaumont’s assistant gave me on the phone and gape as the extensive estate comes into view when I walk through. Acres and acres of super green grass littered with pines surround the massive house in the distance. The closer I get, the more I feel like a foreigner. This might have been my world once, but my new reality couldn’t be further apart from all this luxury. I have fifty dollars left in my wallet, an eviction notice back in my 200 square foot studio, and to top it all, the worst freaking headache I’ve had in my life. Talk about a bad streak. Ironically, I’m happier than I’ve been in years. My life belongs to me; I don’t have to live in constant fear and –most importantly, I’m free. Unattached. I want to do a lot of things with my life, and no one will stop me. That’s worth the worst headache in the world or a few money problems.

I ring the bell, and a gorgeous woman opens the door. Her deep blue eyes scowl at me when I smile at her.

“Who are you looking for?” She doesn’t ask as much as she barks the question.

“Eh,” I haven’t been called shy a single day of my life, but her attitude it’s messing with the positive vibes I had coming up here. “I’m looking for Mr. Bertrand Beaumont from Beaumont Caterings.”

“This door is for house guests only. The help,” she says the word as if it tastes bad in her mouth, “must go around the house and ring the bell back there.” She’s about to close the door right in my face when two hot guys come to the door. Seriously, what do people eat in this country?

“Penelope, what are you doing answering the door like a simple maid? Where is Jessa?”

Penelope rolls her eyes. “She had to leave early. She said she asked you for the afternoon off.”

The older man nods as, the younger one grins at me. “We can discuss Jessa’s schedule later, Bertie. Please, come in, Ms.?” He asks me, still smiling.

“Ortiz. Alexis Ortiz.” I grin back, instantly liking the man with the kind blue eyes. “I’m here for the catering job.”

“I’m Maxwell Beaumont. This is my brother Bertrand—the owner and Penelope Brim, one of our party planners.”

I follow them to a huge office and give Bertrand the resumé I printed at the internet place next to my building.

“Is this all true?” He asks after a quick read.

I nod my head.

“Are you sure, Ms. Ortiz? It says here that you were working as a bartender, a barista, and a waitress in a very exclusive French restaurant, all at the same time.”

Penelope gives me a dismissive glare. “She’s obviously lying. That isn’t even possible. Unless she’s iniquitous.”

I know better than to interrupt a potential employer, even worse if it’s to correct them, but this woman is grating on my nerves. Plus, I had a lifetime of keeping my head down with Matt, and I just don’t have the patience for this kind of crap anymore. And she called me a liar. Hell no.

“No, Ms. Brim, I’m not ubiquitous.” Maxwell snorts, and I swear the other guy, Bertrand, smiles behind my CV. I refrain from telling her what iniquitous actually means because I do need this job. “I worked as a barista in a Starbucks from 5 to 11 am. Then as a waitress at “Clair de Lune” from 12 to 6 pm. Finally, as a bartender in an Irish pub from 7 to midnight or 2 am, depending on the day. You can call any of those places and see I’m not lying.” Just please, God, don’t ask for my papers.

Maxwell reads the resumé when Bertrand gives it to him. “Do you speak French and Spanish as well?”

I shrug. “I love languages, and I grew up in a house where my mom and grandmother only spoke Spanish. I learned French in school. I had an amazing teacher.”

Maxwell and Bertrand look at each other. The older brother, a younger, sterner version of Hugh Jackman, clears his throat. “I’ll be honest with you, Ms. Ortiz. Two of our waiters are absent, and tomorrow we’ll be catering to one of the most important events of the year. If everything in your resume is true, you can start training today --paid of course, and start working tomorrow.”

Paid training? Despite my throbbing head, I want to scream with happiness. “Everything is true.”

“That’s settled then. Penelope, please, darling, show Ms. Ortiz the kitchens and the ballroom. You can ask Naomi to train her for tonight. You know Regina, and she’ll want everything to go as smooth as possible.”

“Right.” Penelope turned at me with an uptight smile. “Come with me.”

I turn and beam at Maxwell, who’s giving me a thumbs up. “Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

Bertrand shakes his head. “Don’t thank me yet, Ms. Ortiz. Just do an impeccable job.” He glances at my Vans. “And for the love of God, only heels tomorrow.”

I nod and follow Penelope down the hallway.

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DRAKE

“This is why you ditch your friends who get hitched to a relationship,” I grumble, sitting in my chair.

“He’s five minutes late,” Liam says.

Leo shakes his head. “Well, I want a goddamn drink. How come I can’t order one until he gets here?”

Liam pinches the bridge of his nose. “You two are acting like children. You can wait five minutes.”

“Maybe, but I need something, and fast.”

“Ah, there they are,” Max exclaims, hands clasped together, staring at us. “My boys.” Jesus Christ. Liam is scooped into a hug and then set back in his chair.

From over Liam’s head, Max points at me and shakes his finger. “Come here; you handsome Walker bastard.”

I hold up my hand. “I’m good.”

“Nope.” He shakes his head. “You don’t get to pass up Max’s snuggles.” Before I can move, he swoops to his knees, pulls me into a hug. . . and nuzzles.

“What the fuck are you doing, Beaumont?” I ask, my voice strong as I try to push him away.

“You smell like heaven,” he says, chuckling. No one likes to fuck with me as much as Maxwell Beaumont does. Unfortunately for me, he’s one of my best friends, and the bastard is well aware of it.

“Get out of here.” I palm his face and push him away.

Leo laughs. “Come on, man, you know Walker is a sour bastard.”

With another laugh, Maxwell retreats to his seat, unbuttons his jacket, and sits down. Hands-on the table, he looks between us and declares, “I’m in love.”

Christ. “We know,” Liam and I say at the same time, irritation heavy in our voices. Leo just rolls his eyes as he looks for a waiter.

Maxwell has only been dating Rashad for a few weeks, so it’s no surprise he’s like this—a hopeful idiot with a relentless smile. Hell, he’s been in love with the man for years. It took him a really, really long time to finally make a move. He adjusts his tie as he says, “You don’t have to be rude about it. I’m just sharing. Isn’t that what this is all about? Sharing?”

“Sharing? I thought this was about drinking as much as possible and hooking up with a hot waitress,” Leo says, flagging down our waiter.

When he arrives, I talk above the guys and quickly say, “Macallan, neat.”

“Dalmore, on the rocks, please,” Liam says, and Leo orders the same.

When the waiter turns to Max, he rubs his stomach and says, “You know, a hot cocoa would be perfect right now.”

What the actual fuck? “No.” I step in. “He’ll have an Old Fashion. Thanks.” A little confused and probably slightly disturbed, he takes off as Max complains.

“Hey, I really wanted a hot cocoa.”

“Not happening. First, because they don’t serve hot cocoas here and second because we’re supposed to be out drinking, Beaumont. And you fucking love Old Fashions. You order one every damn time. Stop complaining.”

“Sheesh.” Maxwell unfolds his napkin and sets it on his lap. “What’s up your ass?”

“Nothing.” I push my hand through my hair.

“It’s a girl.” Leo smirks, causing Liam and Max to practically jump out of their seats.

“A girl?” Liam cocks his eyebrow. “Surely not Drake --permanent bachelor, Walker. My fucking heart can’t take it.”

Fucking Leo. “It’s not what Leo is making it out to be.”

“He met her two months ago, and he’s been thinking about her ever since. Magical pussy right there.”

“I swear, Leo; I don’t care for how long we’ve been friends, next time you talk about her like that, I’ll personally break that shit-eat grin off your face”

The clown raises his arms. “I rest my case.”

“What?” Max’s eyes nearly fall out of their sockets. “Drake Walker doesn’t get attached, and he doesn’t duel his friends for a girl.”

Jesus. Thankfully the waiter brings our drinks at that moment, so I have a second to compose myself.

“You slept with her?” Liam asks after a swig of Dalmore. He’s been in a stable relationship with Hanna Lee for a year now. Once the most popular guy on school, he now spends his Friday nights curled up with her watching Netflix. I can’t even remember the last time he went out with us.

“I don’t want to talk about it. The only reason this fuckhead is bringing it up it’s because I went looking for her, and he saw it.” There I said it. Better me than Leo fucking Rys.

Max and Liam exchange a look, but Max seems too stunned to talk, so Liam asks. “You did what?”

I chug my whiskey and ask for another one. “I don’t know why. I just …” Tired of this fucking conversation, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “We had a great time. That’s all.”

“How come Leo knows about this girl, and I don’t?” Liam complains.

Max complains too. “Dude, you know I’m the romantic one. Leo over here has a brick for a heart, and Li is too busy. You need to discuss these things with me.”

“I don’t have a brick for a heart,” Leo says, surprisingly offended.

“No, you’re just still hung up on Maddie,” I say with a smirk. He shifts in his chair but doesn’t say anything. What does it feel, Rys?

“So . . . who is the girl?” Maxwell asks.

For fuck’s sake. I might as well get it over with. “I’m going to say one last time that I’m not interested in her anymore, so before your little hearts starts beating wildly for playing cupid, it’s not going to happen.”

In a snarky tone, Leo replies, “Well, of course, it’s not. She left the country. Are you that bad, Walker? Because I can give you a tip or two.” He’s so fucking annoying.

“Oh.” Max sighs, disappointed.

Leo elbows his brother and says, “He hasn’t slept with anyone since.”

And there it is. The real reason why Leo is worried about this. He lost his wingman. “I’m not an animal, Leo. It’s not the first time in my life that I go two months without fucking. I’m not you. Anyway, all this is pointless. She’s gone.”

My friends grew up with me, so they know when it’s time to stop pushing. Max interrupts the silence that follows because nothing makes little Beaumont more uncomfortable than a gap in the conversation. “Everything is ready for the party tomorrow night. The thirtieth anniversary of Rys Corporation will be a success.”

Liam nods. “Regina talked with Hana this morning. It’s the first anniversary since I took over as CEO. I need everything to be perfect.”

“What about the staff, Max?” Leo asks, smiling. Having sex at every anniversary party is a personal challenge of his.

“We actually hired someone today. She’s gorgeous.” He turns his head at Leo. “But she’s off-limits.” Leo smirks, wiggling his eyebrows. “I mean it, dude. Bertrand said he’s tired of looking for new waitresses. Two quit yesterday morning when they found out that the event was for Rys corporation.”

“Hey, I never lie. It’s not my fault if they think I’ll call them anyway.”

“Whatever, just don’t mess with her. Plus, I got to talk to her after her training today. She’s super nice. She’s Am--. Wait.” He says when his phone chimes up. “Sorry, boys. It was a text from Penelope. Apparently, the Chablis hasn’t been delivered yet. I have to call Joelle before I lose my big brother over a wine crisis. See you all tomorrow.” He finishes his cocktail and stands up.

Liam stands up too. “I should go home too. Han arrived today from Hong Kong.”

Leo checks his phone. “Wait, Li. I’ll go with you. I have a date with this girl I met last night at Kismet. Do you want to come, man?” He asks me. “I’m sure she has a friend she can introduce you.”

I shake my head. “I’ll finish my whiskey and head home. See you all tomorrow.”

It was only one fucking night. Why can’t I get her out of my head?

It’s maddening. Or maybe it is a blessing. If I’m still thinking about her after one night, imagine how bad I’d have it after several. It’s best that she stays far the fuck away from me. I’m not interested in long-term attachments of any kind. I don’t want to think about Lexie Ortiz, but she’s infected my brain. The sound of her teasing laugh haunts me.

And I can’t deny it; it was one hell of a night.

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ALEXIS

“This is a single girl’s paradise.”

“No,” I grimace, trying to clean the spilled tomato sauce from my shirt. “Paradise would be a tropical beach with a hot cabana boy giving us free massages... and an endless supply of piñas Coladas.” Naomi laughs, the sound almost lost in the chaos of the kitchen. Chefs shouting orders, Penelope and Bertrand panicking, plates being dropped—the world of catering is a noisy business.

“Cabana boys may have hot smoking bodies and virility, Lex, but they lack two essential qualities: prestige and money.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you’d prefer an old limp dick over a young hard one? Interesting,” I answer, teasing her.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, smart ass. I’m saying I’d take a solid bank account over a solid dick. Think about it—with all that money, he could never fuck me at all, and I couldn’t care less. And I’d be treated properly. Rich guys know how to treat a lady.”

“Trust me on this, Naomi. Money has absolutely nothing to do with how a man treats a woman.” I should know. “In any case,” I retort, grabbing another tray of drinks, “if you’re looking for old rich guys, there are tons of opportunities out there.” I laugh at the dreamy look on her face, partly because it’s hilarious and partly because I know she’s kidding. After my training last night, she invited me to her house, where I met Theo, her little boy. He’s eight years old and the absolute love of her life.

“Speaking of fucking,” she says, her eyes sparkling, “did you see the Rys brothers? One of them is taken, but the other two are single and oh so yummy. Especially the tall and brooding one. I’ll kill for those smoldering brown eyes looking right at my soul”

I snort. “You really should stop reading romance novels, Nao. And yes. I served one of them and his girlfriend champagne earlier, but he was blond and didn’t have smoldering, brooding eyes. I thought they were only two brothers, though.”

“Well, technically, yes. But Constantine Rys --the super-rich owner of Rys Corporation-- adopted two other kids. A boy and a girl. They all grew up together.” She uncorks several champagne bottles as she speaks.

Now that my uniform is clean, I grab one of the Veuve Clicquot bottles and help her pouring the cold liquid into the glasses on our trays. “How do you know all of that?”

“I’m Cordonian, girl. The Rys siblings are almost royalty in this country. The one that is not an actual Rys is the one with the smoldering eyes. He doesn’t work for the company, though. He’s a … a vet, I think.”

A veterinarian like Drake. My stupid heart flutters when I think about him.

“Do we pay you to work or to gossip, ladies?” Penelope screams from the kitchen door.

Naomi and I roll our eyes and grab our refilled trays.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DRAKE

“This is a huge night for Liam,” Regina says behind her champagne glass. Constantine has been telling everyone, especially her, that he’s ready and happy to retire, but she knows him better than anyone. Leaving Rys Corporation and pass the torch to Liam is much more difficult for Constantine than he cares to admit.

“It’ll be all right, Regina. Don’t worry. Liam is more than ready to handle the responsibility.”

She throws a glance at Liam, who’s standing a few feet behind me next to his dad. “I just hope he doesn’t forget that his personal life is equally important. He and Hana work too hard.”

I’m about to answer when one of the waitresses distracts me. Her back is turned to me, so I can’t see her face, but there is something incredibly familiar about the way she moves. She’s passing drinks amongst Regina’s friends. I want to go and see who she is, but Liam catches my eyes across the room. We exchange a look, one that we’ve exchanged several times over our lives. It was Liam and me when we were younger, walking into his father’s office after getting into a fight at school. It was the two of us when we came home late, and his parents were waiting in the living room as we walked in, drunk. It was the two of us when we wrecked Leo’s new Porsche when we were sixteen, and right now, I know he needs me. Constantine is a great father, but he has too many expectations for his younger son. Liam needs a break.

Regina sees the exchange and smiles. “Liam’s very lucky to have you, Drake.” She is not our biological mother, but she loves all of us as if she was. And she’s more my mother than Bianca Walker will never be.

A couple of men look at me, and I try to remember if I should know them from somewhere. I think they’re both on the board of directors at RC. As much as I love the Rys, I will never get used to this shit. Socializing and pretending to like a bunch of people that annoy the fuck out of me. Ignoring them, I make my way to my best friend. Liam is standing with his hands in his pockets, looking serious and put together like the CEO of the largest company in Cordonia should.

“I think it’s going well,” he says as I approach. “Father was driving me crazy with all his advice.”

“It’s not only the anniversary of the company, Li. It’s also his first one as the former CEO. It’s normal he feels out of place.”

Liam nods. “I know. I just wish he’ll trust me more.”

“He does, Liam. He’s just nervous.”

I’m cut short by Liam’s grin. His gaze slides right behind me and lights up.

“Would either of you like a glass of champagne?” a female, very familiar voice nearly whispers behind me.

“I’m good,” Liam answers, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. “How about you, Drake?”

I turn around, and my heart skips a beat. Soft curves, tanned skin, and a few freckles across the bridge of her nose. The brightest, most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen. Alexis Ortiz tucks a strand of her rich brown hair behind her ear and takes a deep breath. Her eyes widen, and I see she recognizes me but doesn’t mention it. Instead, a faint smile ghosts her luscious lips, and she lifts her chin like she has a secret she won’t tell. A secret we share. Her gaze remains on Liam, almost like she’s afraid to look my way. Finally, she turns to me, and when she does, an adorable blush color her cheeks.

“Would you, uh, sir?” she asks, taking half a step backward.

“Would I what?” I press, enjoying too much the way her cheeks turn even pinker.

“Would you like a drink?” The words leave her lips fast like she wants to pronounce them and run away. I take a step towards her, remembering the night she spent in my arms and how damn perfect she felt. I know I make her nervous because I see little goosebumps erupting on her soft skin. I smirk at her. “That depends on what you’re offering.”

I shouldn’t be toying with her, but I can’t help it. I want to keep her talking, to watch her reactions, to see that sweet smile again.

“I don’t have much to offer,” she says, a hint of nervousness in her voice. “Unless you like champagne, sir.” She emphasizes the last word.

“I like all sorts of things.” I keep my gaze heavy against hers, not allowing her to look away. She fidgets with her tray and swallows hard but never takes her eyes off mine, too rebellious to look away. The longer our eyes match, the hotter my body becomes. She bits her delicious bottom lip slowly, her dark gaze boring into mine.

“Is that so?” Liam laughs beside me, and I watch her jump like she forgot he was there. Alexis clears her throat and glances around the room. She turns back to us again, this time a practiced smile on her face. The easy grin and soft laugh are both gone. She wants to get away from me, I can feel it, and I understand. She’s working; it wouldn’t be professional. This is not the time or the place to reconnect. Unfortunately for her, I have other plans.

“Gentlemen ...” With a nod, Alexis walks away as fast as possible. She doesn’t look back, but I watch her until she’s out of sight.

“What was that?” Liam snickers, loosening his gray silk tie. “I thought you were going to jump on her.”

I rub my thumb over my lip, still surprised as hell.

“That was Alexis, the girl I met a couple of months ago. Now, if you excuse me, Li, I need to go talk to Bertrand.”

@mskaneko @burnsoslow @gkittylove99 @kat-tia801 @no-one-u-know @thegreentwin @twinkle-320 @forallthatitsworth @kingliam2019 @marshmallowsandfire @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @princessleac1 @twinkleallnight @tinkie1973 @drakexwillow @moneyfordiamonds

@yukinagato2012 @alyssalauren

#drake x alexis #drake walker #drake walker fanfic #drake x mc #tw domestic violence

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babaleshy · 3 years

Text

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

#autism #asperger's #adhd #special interests #sensory traits #autistic traits #sorry for how long this is

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kpophours · 4 years

Text

Haven

➵ Stray Kids: Jisung x fem. reader / one shot, college AU, frenemies to lovers AU / fluff

➵ warnings: slight cursing, mentions of alcohol/drinking, a teeny tiny bit sexual suggestiveness (nothing explicit)

➵ word count: 6k

It’s not even 8am, and your eyes feel as dry as sandpaper while your head is pounding with a slight migraine. You’re currently getting everything ready for the crowd of caffeine addicts that will soon arrive at the café you work at. It’s way too early to deal with the horde of zombies called students, but you got stuck with the worst shift of the day - starting at 7.30am which, in your opinion, is just inhuman. Stupid Minho and his stupid luck whenever it comes to drawing straws. For some reason, you always end up getting the shortest one. At least you’ll be done with work before most people your age have even made it out of bed. Still, right now you’d give almost everything to be back in your blanket burrito. Earning money is hard and annoying. If you’ve ever wondered if working at a café could ruin the beauty of coffee… the answer is yes. Because capitalism destroys everything, leaving no survivors.

“Good morning, Y/N!”, your co-worker and the other unlucky one having drawn one of the shorter straws chirps when she enters the café, and you grimace - Sana’s voice is way too cheerful so early in the morning. You only give her a curt nod of your head, not in the mood to talk right now. You’re not really in the mood to do anything, if you’re being honest. Ugh, you hate the morning shift. You’re currently 80% tired, but 20% also tired - you don’t even remember what it’s like to not be tired anymore. College is great!

Sana doesn’t seem to mind your grumpiness though, being the sweetheart that she simply is, and begins to wipe the counter while humming a cheery song under her breath. It’s only her second week at work, but so far she’s proven to be a better and more reliable part-timer than the last three who had worked here. Jun is usually a nice and caring boss, but he has some strict rules - always be on time, no drinking coffee while you’re working, don’t take more breaks than necessary, and don’t give out free drinks to your friends. The last three part-timers had broken at least one of these rules, so Jun had let them go again. Sana is doing well so far, and you think that Jun has maybe even taken a liking to her - not that you can blame him, she’s not only super nice and a general sunshine, but also incredibly beautiful and funny. You’re always happy whenever you work a shift with her. She’s a student like yourself, and wants to become a kindergarten teacher. You’d never let your children near her though, too scared they’d like her more than you - not that you could actually blame them. “Shall I put on some music?”, Sana asks after she’s finished with wiping everything down, and you just nod, finally being done with prepping the giant coffee machines. Just seconds later, smooth lounge music fills the cozy space of the café, and you inhale deeply.

Maybe you lied earlier. Capitalism did not destroy coffee for you, you still very much love the scent, taste, and especially the effect of it. You check the time, noticing you still have about 15 minutes left before you have to open the café - meaning you have more than enough time to enjoy a nice cup of coffee with Sana. She immediately agrees to drink a cappuccino with you, and just minutes later, you bask in the fresh scent of grounded coffee beans. Sana sighs deeply after having taken the first sip, and gives you a bright smile. “Heavenly. You truly make the best coffee out of all of us, Y/N!”, she compliments you, and you tilt your head to one side. Thanks to the caffeine in your system, you’re finally ready to talk to her now. “Well, if my academic brilliance proves futile, I can always become the best barista in the world, I guess. And by the way, don’t let Minho hear you say that, or he’ll force you to taste all the coffee he makes, resulting in you overdosing on caffeine. You know what he‘s like.”, you answer, and Sana giggles. “Well, I stand with what I said, and I’ll even say it to his face. He needs to learn that he can’t always be the best at everything.” You raise one eyebrow, lips twitching. “No offense, but I don’t think he’s ever been the best at anything so far, he’s just very good at pretending. He basically invented the phrase “fake it till you make it”.”

Before Sana can reply, there’s a knock against one of the café’s windows. Surprised, you look up, and groan when you see a familiar face staring back at you. “What is he doing here?!”, you grumble, and place your mug on the counter, not moving a single muscle. But Sana, being her nice and angelic self, is already walking towards the door of the café, and before you can protest, she’s already unlocked it. Jisung jumps over the threshold, sporting a bright grin. He greets Sana with a hug, before sliding his giant headphones off his ears. “Moooorning.”, he says, with at least five Os. You’re already annoyed. You’ve known Jisung for… well. For a long time. Too long, some would say (you, for example). Your moms have been close friends since their own college years, and while they thankfully didn’t move into the same neighborhood, they ended up living quite close to each other. Meaning Jisung had been there for pretty much you entire childhood and teenage years - at every single one of your birthday parties, at most Christmases, and sometimes even at Easter (even though neither of your families really celebrated Easter). You’ve also gone on hiking trips together, and on wildlife expeditions, and on holidays by the seaside… In almost all your memories, there’s Jisung.

“Ugh, why are you so obsessed with me?”, you whine when he leans over the counter to grab your mug and take a sip of your coffee, “There are literally hundreds of colleges and you had to go choose the one I’m attending?!” He grins, puffing out his stupidly adorable hamster cheeks. “I’d never be so cruel and rid you of my pleasant company, my dearest Y/N.”, he answers, dark eyes sparkling with humor. You just huff and turn around. “The usual?”, you ask in a flat voice, and he hums in confirmation. To say you hate Jisung would be a severe overstatement, you just often strongly... dislike him. And feel annoyed whenever he’s around. Mostly because he’s a walking disaster, who kinda thinks the world revolves around him (you blame him being an only child for that). One of your most vivid and probably also traumatic childhood memories is of your sixth birthday party: you had gotten a brand new, soft green bicycle, falling in love with it as soon as you laid eyes on it. Naturally, you had wanted to take it around the block for a little test drive, but all of the sudden, Jisung had thrown a big tantrum until your mom had made you give him the bike first. And being the clumsy child that he simply was (and kinda still is), he had crashed your beautiful new bike into a tree. The tree had won that battle, the handle bar completely bent, same with the front wheel. So you and your bike had been a very short love story with a tragic ending. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on you. And this instance has only been one of many - Jisung had also accidentally sat on your birthday cake once (till this day, you have no idea how he’d even managed to do that). He had also ruined one of your favorite jumpers by dumping ink all over it, had tipped over the canoe when you’d been happily paddling on a lake one summer day, and had given you a black eye when you went mini golfing for your eleventh birthday.

So Han Jisung has always been - and probably will always be - a walking disaster. Being his friend means you have a “Why is he like that” moment at least five times a day. Your biggest fear at the moment is that he’s accidentally going to sit on your brand new laptop and break it, the one you had been saving up for for over two years. And then you’ll just have to kill him which will probably make his very nice mom very sad. But as the bible clearly states: an eye for an eye, a life for a laptop. Or maybe he’s just going to set your whole apartment on fire - he’s truly a mess inside the kitchen, you sadly know that from experience (note to self: never try to bake cookies with Jisung ever again). Your old dorm kitchen will probably never recover from that one particular incident that ended with half the building having to be evacuated. This is one of the reasons why Jisung hasn’t been at your new place yet. The second one being that you also only just moved into it a few weeks ago. Ever since moving, he’s been pestering you though, asking you to have a movie night with him at your new place. Like you said, he’s kinda obsessed with you. He also literally spends every morning at the café you work at - or well, you just assume it’s every morning. As you’re a part timer, you don’t actually have to work every single morning, but he’s definitely always here when you have drawn one of the short straws again.

You quickly busy yourself with making a flat white for Jisung, his preferred drink of choice, while he continues to chat with Sana. They know each other thanks to a mutual friend of theirs, Chan - he’s one of Jisung’s roommates as well as Sana’s best friend. Everyone on campus knows Chan: he’s on the student council, he plays for the baseball team, and he’s one of the most promising music majors you’ve ever seen (or well, heard), already being scouted by different labels even though he’s not even a senior yet. And he’s also just so nice and down to earth, truly a prime example of a man. Jisung should really take a leaf out of Chan’s book.

“Here you go.”, you say while sliding Jisung’s finished order his way, taking your own mug out of his hands while doing so. You quickly shake your head when he wants to hand you his credit card, and he shoots you a happy smile. Jun would probably fire you instantly if he knew about this, but not once have you let Jisung pay for his coffee - and you’ve been working here for almost four months now. You try to ignore the way your stomach jolts when Jisung locks eyes with you, but fail miserably. So maybe he has the most beautiful smile in the whole world, and maybe his eyes hold entire galaxies in them, but what about it? It’s not like you even really like him, right?

You turn around and pretend to wipe down the coffee machine, but in reality, you just don’t want to look at Jisung’s cute hamster cheeks anymore, because they just make you want to squish them. And you have a reputation to lose. “Well, I’m off to my lecture now - I hope your day will be pleasant, ladies!”, Jisung finally says, and you turn around, catching him giving you a mock salute and mischievous wink. You just wave at him, while Sana wishes him a good day as well. As soon as the door falls close behind him again, you exhale. You really need to get a grip on yourself.

It’s Friday night, and there’s a party at Jisung’s frat house. At first, you don’t want to go, but your roommate Amber basically drags you with her. You know she’s only going because she has the biggest crush on Chan, and you honestly can’t even blame her - half the girls on campus have a crush on him after all, and at least a third of the guys. But while Amber and Chan are good friends, nothing more has ever been going on between them - not yet, that is. Who knows, maybe tonight’s finally the night.

You’re currently sipping on some stale beer Seungmin - one of Jisung’s roommates - had handed you the second you stepped over the threshold of the frat house, scanning the room for people you know. Amber is off to greet some friends from her architecture class, so you’re on your own for now. Which is fine, you don’t really mind just standing in the corner to observe the other guests, it’s actually highly entertaining. For example, there’s one guy twerking like crazy to some Beyoncé song. You think his name is Kevin and he’s in your calc class. A friend of his is currently hyping him up like crazy, while another one with green dyed hair is clearly wishing he was somewhere entirely else. You honestly can’t blame him, the secondhand-embarrassment way too real. A few seconds later, Sana enters the room with a group of girls, and she happily waves at you as soon as she spots you. You simply return her smile, before continuing to watch Kevin.

“Enjoying the show?”, someone beside you suddenly asks, and you jump, dumping some of your beer over your shirt. “Oh fuck you!”, you yelp, and turn around to glare at Minho’s shit-eating grin, “You definitely scared me on purpose!” “Fuck... me? Absolutely, just name the time and place, babe.”, he answers, and you smack his chest. “Not even in your wildest dreams, Lee.”, you reply, and narrow your eyes at him. He pouts playfully. “I just think we’d make a really great couple.”, he argues, and you shake your head. “Well, society should be able to limit what some people are allowed to think, then.”, you retort, voice flat, and he ruffles your hair. “You know what I love about you? You’re kinda mean and annoying, but unapologetically so.”, he says, and you raise one eyebrow. “I might be kinda mean and annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.” At this, Minho gasps dramatically, and protectively clutches his phone to his chest. “I mean, I could always change it to one of your selfies, you know?”, he then suggests, making you groan. He’s clearly drunk already or else he wouldn’t be flirting like this. If this sad attempt can even be considered flirting, it’s probably just him being his annoying and arrogant Scorpio self. Minho sighs deeply. “When will you finally accept my eternal love for you, Y/N?”, he asks, and tries to grab one of your hands, but you just smack him again. “Maybe when you finally stop cheating at drawing straws! I have the Monday morning shift again!”, you hiss, and he smirks. “You’ll never know my secret.”, he says smugly, and empties his cup in one single gulp.

You begin to pout and take a sip from your own cup, eyes wandering towards where Kevin is still throwing it back on the dance floor. “If I ever do something remotely like that, just take me out, and instantly.”, you say, an exasperated expression on your face. “On a date or with a sniper?”, a familiar voice on your other side suddenly asks, and you sigh internally. “Han.”, you greet your favorite frenemy, and Jisung grins while wrapping one arm around your shoulder. “Nice to see you accepted my invite.”, he says, and you quickly duck out of his embrace, trying to ignore your racing heart. Minho just wiggles his eyebrows at you, before flashing you a shit-eating grin and disappearing from view. Traitor.

“I only came because Amber asked me to.”, you explain, and stand on your tiptoes to look for your friend. Seriously, where did she even go?! It’s been at least 15 minutes since she left you on your own. “You can just admit that you missed my handsome face, you know.”, Jisung says, and you snort. “Yeah, whatever you say, hamster boy.” He groans, ruffling his hair with one hand and making it stand on end. You desperately suppress the need to flatten it again, and quickly take another sip of your beer. “Don’t you get tired of using that old nickname? Plus, my cheeks aren’t as chubby anymore! I have finally lost all my baby fat, the glow up we’ve all been desperately waiting for!”, he says, and you suppress a smile, looking him up and down. “I guess some people would agree that you don’t look bad.”, you finally reply, and ignore the way your heart flutters when he shoots you a wide grin. “Aww, you old softie, I knew you actually liked me.”, he says, lovingly punching your shoulder. You grimace, rubbing the spot he hit - you know he and Chan have started to work out recently, and apparently, Jisung doesn’t know his own strength anymore. “Now don’t get all sappy on me, just because I might have erased your name out of my death note.”, you reply, quickly draining your cup to hide your blush, and mumble something about getting a new drink before basically running away from him. When you enter the kitchen, you exhale deeply. Your hands are shaking, your heart is racing and you know the blush is still very prominent on your cheeks.

So yeah, maybe you’re kinda a bit in love with Han Jisung. He might be a complete mess, but he’s also funny, hard-working, intelligent and something close to a musical genius. And yeah, maybe you absolutely adore his stupid hamster cheeks, bright smile and beautiful dark chocolate eyes. You close your eyes for a few seconds, groaning internally. You don’t want to be in love with Han Jisung! There is literally no other person you want to be less in love with. Okay, except for Lee Minho, simply because you just couldn’t bring yourself to ever date a Scorpio, no offense. But Han Jisung is at least a close second!

You can’t even say when you first began to develop these kinds of feelings for him. After graduating high school, you had finally realized how much you’d actually miss Jisung’s constant presence once you had to go off to different colleges. You’re almost embarrassed to admit how your heart had leaped when he told you he’d actually be going to the same college as you. Maybe you had truly just always kind of loved him - him and his weird antics. He’s always been himself, and unapologetically so. In the modern world of snapchat filters, snow apps and facetune, he’s always felt real to you.

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts, and groan again. After you’ve refilled your red party cup, you drown it in a few gulps, repeating the process a few times. Drowning your feelings might not be the responsible thing to do just now, but well, you’re only in your early twenties, so you still have lots of time to become a more responsible adult in the future.

Half an hour later, you have probably drunk way too much beer and are also still trying to figure out where Amber has gone. So you finally decide to go search for her, noticing that for some reason, the floor seems to tilt a bit with every step you take. “Weeeeird.”, you mumble, squinting your eyes, “That’s new.” Just then, you manage to walk into someone, soaking their entire backside with your beer. The person yelps loudly, before turning around to glare at you. Your brain needs a few seconds to recognizes the handsome face, and when it finally does, you give him a bright smile while slurring “Hyunjiiiiiin.”, squishing his face between your hands. The boy turns from annoyed to alarmed, and pries your hands from his face while narrowing his eyes at you. “Okay, what and how much did you drink, Y/N?!” Your smile gets even wider. “Only the best kind of alcohol, which is a lot!” Hyunjin just groans and begins to look around for someone. “Where is Han when you need him?!” With that, he wraps one arm around your waist to pull you with him and through the crowd. You hold onto him like your life depends on it - and the way the floor is swaying from side to side right now, it truly just might. You make a disgusted sound when your hand touches Hyunjin’s soaked shirt. “You’re wet, do you know that?”, you mumble, head lulling around until Hyunjin gently guides it to rest against his shoulder. “Yeah, surprisingly I do.”, he says, but in your current state, his sarcasm gets totally lost on you. “You should change, it’s freezing outside, and we don’t want you to catch a cold!”, you tell him off, and he groans, half amused, half exasperated. “I promise I will change as soon as I’ve found Han.”

You raise both eyebrows at that. “Why do you need to find Jisung? Does he have clothes for you?” Just then, Hyunjin seems to find the desired person, sighing in relief. “Hey, Han! I think your girlfriend has had a little bit too much to drink tonight.”, he yells over the music, and you frown. “His girlfriend? Since when does Jisung have a girlfriend?! And why hasn’t he told me about her?! I’m his oldest friend! Like, not old in the sense of actually being old, but in the sense of time spent toge-”, before you can ramble on, Hyunjin basically shoves you into Jisung’s outstretched arms. “Here, she’s your responsibility now! Take her home or whatever. I’m gonna go change.”, he says curtly, before turning around and marching off. You wave at his retreating backside, before you look up at Jisung, who sports a very confused expression. “Uh, what exactly happened?”, he asks, taking in your glossy eyes, flushed cheeks and lopsided smile, “Shit, are you drunk?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk!” He actually looks amazed, and you can’t help but ruffle his dark hair. It feels silky when it slips through your fingers, and you giggle to yourself. “Nice.”, you murmur, before you glare at him, “So, you have a girlfriend and didn’t tell me about her?! That’s rather rude, you know? We’re friends, after all! The oldest friends ever! I tell you almost everything.” Jisung just blinks a few times, before he shakes his head in disbelief. “Uh, okay, maybe I should bring you home.”, he murmurs, and wraps his arms even tighter around your waist, “Where’s your stuff?” You shrug while snuggling closer to him to bury your face in the crook of his neck. He yelps, and freezes for a few seconds, before he sighs and drags you towards one of the sofas. “Wait here, okay? I’ll be back in a second.”, he murmurs softly, and tugs some of you hair behind your ear. You lean into his touch, and close your eyes while nodding. The last thing you hear is his low chuckle.

Bright sunlight greets you the second you try to open your eyes. You groan and decide it’s better to just close them again. Seeing is overrated anyway, especially when your head is pounding like crazy. Mh, maybe you did drink a little bit too much yesterday.

“Are you alive? Groan once for yes, twice for no.”

You truly love your roommate, but right now, you’re prepared to throw her out the window as her voice cuts through your hazy state like a knife. Still, you manage to groan once.

“Okay, good. There’s water on your bedside table, and some aspirin. Take it.”

For the second time this morning (or midday, you honestly have no idea what time it is), you try to open your eyes, just a teeny tiny bit. Still half blind, you carefully fumble for said things on your bedside table. After taking the aspirin and drinking some water, you sigh in relief and fall back into your pillows. “You were really out of it yesterday, huh? Any reason for drinking for at least three people?”, Amber asks, her voice laced with quiet humor. You just grumble something unintelligible, and she chuckles. “Do you remember who brought you home?”

You finally turn around to look at her, raising one eyebrow. “... You?”, you guess, and she presses her lips together to try and stifle her shit-eating grin - she fails though. “Nope. I was kinda busy.”, she just answers, a smug expression on her face. You finally manage to sit up, ruffling your messy bed hair. “Busy doing what? Now that I think of it, I remember you were gone from my side the second we stepped foot inside the frat house. Talk about loyalty.” You try not to sound too offended, but while you don’t remember much from last night, you do remember that you spent some time looking for it, but in vain. “Chan.”, Amber just answers, and you squeal - regretting it a split second later when a sharp pain shoots through your head. “Remind me to never make that noise again while I’m nursing a hangover.”, you say, holding your head between your hands, and Amber giggles. “Noted. But yeah, Chan and I… well. Let’s just say we had a good night.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, and you return her grin. “Well, congrats, then! You snatched the Bang Chan, props to you.” Her smile softens, and she sighs dreamily. “He even asked me on a date afterwards. So we’re going out to get some pasta tonight.”, she tells you, and your smile gets even bigger. “I’m so happy for you, Amber. He’s a really great guy, and you deserve a really great guy.”, you say gently, and she nods. “Damn right I do. But speaking of a really great guy - Jisung was actually the one to bring you home last night.”, she explains, grinning smugly when she sees your shocked expression. “He did what now?!”, you ask, not ready to believe her, at least not yet. Amber leans back on her elbows, obviously enjoying this way too much. “Well, after you drank about half the alcohol the boys bought for the party, you decided to give Hyunjin a beer shower, who immediately realized it was definitely time to get you home, so he went searching for Jisung who then brought you to our apartment. No idea what happened after you left the frat house though, I only got to know about this because Hyunjin told Chan who told me.”

You bury your face in your pillow and let out a long, miserable noise. You sound a bit like a dying whale which makes Amber laugh. “Ah, come on, it’s not that bad. You and Jisung are friends after all, I’m sure he saw you drunk lots of times already!”

You shake your head.

“Wait, he hasn’t?!”

“Nope. I very rarely get drunk, and it’s not like Jisung and I are actual friends like that - friends who take care of each other and so on, you know?”, you try to explain, and Amber frowns. “What do you mean? Y/N, you and Jisung have known each other since forever, you hang out constantly, and you always talk about him with endless adoration - well, and a bit of annoyance too, to be fair. But what do you mean you’re not friends “like that”?!” You blink at her, surprise written all over your face. “I don’t talk about him with endless adoration!”, you disagree. Amber just gives you a very long, hard look, and you begin gnawing at your lip. “I… do?”, you ask in a small voice, and she nods. “You talk to him every day, Y/N, and you talk about him even more. It would be annoying if it weren’t also extremely cute.”, she replies, and begins filing her nails, lips twitching while she watches you trying to digest what she’s just told you. “I guess… I should at least message him to thank him for bringing me home.”

“And for tucking you into bed.”

You groan and throw your pillow at Amber. She catches it and laughs. “What, you looked very cozy and all snuggled up when I came home! And I doubt you yourself did that, at least if Hyunjin told the truth about the amount of alcohol you consumed yesterday.”

You look yourself up and down, noticing that you’re not wearing your clothes from last night anymore, but your favorite pj’s, the ones with little succulents on it. “Does this mean…”, you whisper, but shake your head, “Nope, not even going there. I’m way too sleep-deprived and hangover to deal with any of that right now.” Amber grins and shrugs. “Just go ask Jisung, I’m sure he can fill you in on everything.” You groan again, and fall back onto your bed. “I’ll have to take a shower first.”, you mumble, and close your eyes again. “Yes, please do, you reek of stale beer.” And with that, your roommate throws your pillow back at you.

It’s already about to get dark again when you arrive at the frat house, nervously bouncing on your feet for a few seconds before you finally gather the courage to knock on the front door. You quickly stuff your hands back into the pockets of your leather jacket, gnawing at your lower lip while waiting for someone to open the door. Just a few minutes later, Hyunjin’s tired face greets you. He raises both eyebrows when he lays eyes on you, immediately noticing your nervous expression. “Hi.”, you say, and give him a small smile. He leans against the doorframe, and crosses both arms over his chest. “Hi yourself. You actually look less zombie-like than expected.” You roll your eyes. “Thanks, today’s look is inspired by sleep deprivation and a mean hangover. Water and aspirin helped though, or else I could have auditioned for The Walking Dead.”, you grumble, “And uh… Thanks for yesterday, by the way. I’m really sorry about your shirt, I heard I dumped beer all over it.” Hyunjin cracks a smile at that, and shrugs. “Yeah, but it’s fine. The washing machine will take care of that. Wanna come in?”, he asks, and you nod, quickly following him inside the warmth of the parlor.

Surprisingly, the house looks clean and tidy again - the guys must have spent the entire day getting rid of last night’s mess. You’re actually impressed. “Han is in his room.”, Hyunjin says, before you even have the chance to ask, and you gulp nervously. “O-okay…”, you mumble, and are just about to walk up the stairs, when Hyunjin tugs on your sleeve. You turn around to face him again, expression questioning. The boy gnaws at his lip, looking nervous. “Just… Finally tell him, okay? I’m like, literally begging you.”, he then says, and you narrow your eyes at him. “Tell him what, exactly?”, you inquire, but Hyunjin only gives you an exasperated gaze. “You know exactly what. We’re all tired of you guys pining after each other but not actually doing anything about your feelings. Quick reminder: this is not a cheesy rom-com where you have to wait until one of you guys leaves the country so you can finally declare your love at the airport or some big, stupid gesture like that. Just do it now, in his stuffy frat room and get it over with.” Before you’re able to reply, he gives you a mock salute and retreats into the kitchen. You huff, surprised at the audacity of his words, and turn around to finally go up the stairs and towards Jisung’s room.

You take in a few deep breaths before knocking on his door, trying to steady yourself. Then, you wait - but after a few seconds have passed and the door has not yet been opened, you simply turn the doorknob and let yourself in. Jisung sits at his desk, giant headphones covering his ears while he hums along to the music he’s listening to. Well, that explains why he didn’t hear you knocking. You quickly cross the room, and tap his shoulder. He screams, and whips around, almost ripping his headphones off in the process. You giggle at his shocked expression, dark eyes almost comically big in his face. “When did you arrive!?”, he almost yells, and you slide the headphones off his ears, brushing some of his hair back while doing so. His eyelids flutter for a few seconds, before he raises one eyebrow. “You don’t look that shitty, which is surprising considering the amount of beer you drank last night.”, he says after looking you up and down, and you defensively cross your arms over your chest. “Wow, thanks. Always the charmer, huh?”, you huff in mock offense, and he grins up at you. “No need to charm when I know your heart is already mine.” You almost choke on your own spit, and beg the blush creeping on your cheeks to just not do that right now. Truly not the time nor place. “I came to thank you, actually. For last night - I heard you were the one to bring me home.”, you finally admit, nervously shifting from one foot to the other.

Jisung just stares at you for a few seconds, before giving you a soft smile. “Well, yeah. I couldn’t just let anyone take you home - and Amber was kinda busy, I heard.” You nod. “True, I’m glad you didn’t interrupt whatever she was doing. So, uh, yeah, thanks, you’re… a good friend, I guess.” Almost immediately, embarrassment washes over you, and you groan at your own words. Jisung’s lips begin to twitch. “A good friend, huh?”, he repeats and crosses both hands behind his head, still looking at you with an unreadable expression on his face. You blink a few times, before slowly beginning to nod. “Y-yeah…?” “For someone so smart, you’re really fucking oblivious sometimes, you know that?”, Jisung suddenly states, and you huff. “Excuse me?! Who do you call obliv-” But before you can tell him off, he pulls you onto his lap and then, his lips are on yours. You yelp, freezing for a few seconds, before basically melting against him. He hums appreciatively, and wraps both arms around you to pull you even closer towards him, deepening the kiss. You bury your hands in his soft hair, gently tugging on it, and he groans against your lips. You use the chance to slide your tongue into his mouth while his hands wander lower to grab your ass. You shift on top of him, and he moans when you brush against his crotch.

When you draw back to catch your breaths, you simply stare at each other, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. Then, Jisung begins to smile at you, and your heart flutters. Twenty years of seeing his smile, but you’ll apparently never get used to it. “About fucking time.”, he then murmurs against your lips, voice pleased, and you roll your eyes at him. “I’m not oblivious, by the way! You’re the oblivious one - I never give anyone free coffee, because it could literally cost me my job, and yet you always get a flat white on the house!”, you tell him, and he smirks. “Oh, baby, the oblivious one is definitely you - or do you really think I just happen to have a lecture every morning you got the early shift again?”, he replies, a smug expression on his face. You just stare at him. “You-”, but before you can say anything else, Jisung quickly presses his lips against yours again. You immediately lean into his embrace, and close your eyes, losing yourself to his touch - so familiar, yet also so new and exciting.

Yes, maybe you’ve truly always been in love with Han Jisung - but at least he seems to feel the exact same way.

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