#I HATE AMATONORMATIVITY

[telffiin]

seething aro hours.

[pixel-axel]

i haven’t been able to read the grandest game yet but if grayson has a love interest in that book i’m gonna throw hands

[wandering-fairie]

i have spent so many years telling myself that i can't possibly be queer, non-binary, asexual, and polyamorous because that's "too much" but thankfully the past couple months i have really been trying to actually acknowledge all of my feelings and accept them and this is probably the happiest i've ever been

[killingmyselfbutnotdying]

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

[neurovarious]

[thetisming]

amatonormativity: a romantic partner should be the most important person in EVERYONE'S life

NOT amatonormativity: MY romantic partner is the most important person in MY life, but i understand this is not the same for other people

allosexnormativity: EVERYONE should have sex and sex is something EVERYONE needs/wants/should want

NOT allosexnormativity: I PERSONALLY enjoy sex and love having sex because it makes ME feel good, but other people dont feel the same and that's okay

platonormativity: having friends is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs/has/should have friends

NOT platonormativity: having friends is important to ME and I PERSONALLY love having friends, but there are people who dont and theres nothing wrong with that

faminormativity (is that the word?): family is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs to have their family

NOT faminormativity: family is important to ME and I PERSONALLY need my family with me, but other people dont feel the same and i understand that

lovenormativity (again, not sure if this is a word): EVERYBODY feels love and there's something wrong wiith you if you dont

NOT lovenormativity: I PERSONALLY feel love and love people, but not everyone does and that's completely okay!

NOT amatonormativity: i dont have friends/have any desire to have friends, i am happy with other relationships/no relationships at all

NOT platonormativity: i dont have any desire to be in a romantic relationships, and i am happy with my platonic relationships

NOT allosexnormativity: i like hooking up with people and having one night stands or friends with benefits

NOT faminormativity: i care about my family deeply and am close with family members

NOT lovenormativity: i feel love for people i care about

it's not normative to personally enjoy something, so long as you respect that other people simply arent like you and aren't going to like the same things as you. taking down normativity is a two way street, allos and aspecs need to do it. support your local aros, aces, apls, afams and other aspecs today! remember to challange all normativities, and to not enforce other normativity by saying how bullshit other normativities are!

nothing is universal. romance is not universal. sex is not universal. friendship is not universal. family is not universal. love is not universal. nothing is universal.

[redysetdare]

I think more characters deserve to hate romance in stories. Let them be little haters as a treat

[echoed-salvation]

Watching a certain subsect of manhwa-only fans reduce yoo sangah to a "love interest waifu" character is so frustrating because it literally goes against the entire point of her character. She's been trying her whole life to escape the expectations put on her just because she's a conventionally attractive woman. She went against her family's wishes for her to marry rich and got a job to become independent, only to face harassment and sexism in her male-dominated workplace. She is frequently objectified and pushed to be appealing to the male gaze. Even kim dokja initially thinks of her as less of a person and more of an archetype. Yoo sangah is a woman trying to forge her own identity within a patriarchal society that will never see her for who she truly is.

I think it says something about the way we consume media that we always assume that an attractive female character who plays a particular role in the male mc's life must be a romantic interest - that most of the fandom discussions of yoo sangah I've seen are about whether she and kdj are going to get together romantically and that so many of us complain about being "tricked" into thinking that they are when their canon relationship remains entirely platonic by the end of the novel. When yoo sangah is close to kim dokja we expect the development of a romance between the two. If a woman is close with a man then we think that's the only option for their relationship. We are taught to see female characters not as their own people, but rather mere objects for men.

[thegoreydimise]

I wish there were more characters that just didn’t have a love interest. At least a few should be blatantly asexual and/or aromantic but not having a romantic inclination is fine too, personally.

[trans-buckleyy]

while I do think misogyny is a massive problem in the 911 fandom as a whole, I think relatively few of the people who hate buck and eddie's past love interests don't also hate tommy, sure the hate is slightly different (and realistically slightly less vitriolic) because he's a guy and "we finally got bi buck" but the amount of homophobia and biphobia being aimed at buck and tommy's characters is ridiculous... treating tommy like he's predatory (come on now buck is 32), claiming that buck's bisexual arc is "pointless" if he's with tommy, wanting buck to cheat (cheating storylines are whatever but lets be real none of you were okay with him cheating with a woman but now that it might validate your ship, you're suddenly fine with it), saying anyone who even remotely likes bucktommy is 'fetishising mlm relationships' and 'just wants to see two guys kiss', not to mention the purity culture surrounding the idea that a friends to lovers relationship is morally better than a relationship that starts with dating.

[lloydfrontera]

sometimes i do feel for the adaptation team of tged when it comes to the relationship between alicia and lloyd because like. they were fighting a losing battle since the very beginning.

either they respected the source material and got crazy people (me) pointing out that the protagonist has more chemistry and relationship build up with his best friend than he does with his supposed romantic interest.

or they change it in the adaptation to make alloyd have more interactions and build up and get crazy people (me) upset and questioning why they're omitting or changing scenes that make lloyd and javier's relationship deeper in the novel to make them seem less close than they truly are.

there's just no winning for them because this is something that is inextricable from the source material

in the novel lloyd and javier's relationship is the core of the plot. whatever they have going on is the heart of the entire thing. and either you accept that and the fact that there's bound to be people who will see it as something romantic and be disgruntled when lloyd is unceremoniously married off to someone he barely knew and did not want to marry for 90% of the novel. or you change it and completely destroy the core of the plot, ruining what's probably the best part of the story.

it's an impossible choice,,,, if you're someone who can't stand the idea of having a protagonist who's a little fruity with his best friend that is lmao

[silasplaskett]

one day someone will hear me when i say i think buddie as platonic domestic partners deserves to be almost canon and know that i mean it.

[feelingthedisaster]

something that annoys me a lot in fanfiction as an aromantic is when people dont tag important platonic/familial relationships but tag random romantic stuff

i remember this fic in which there were platonic relationships that were almost as important as the main romantic ship, yet they werent tagged. but a romantic relationship that didnt even had a full scene was tagged.

there are millions of fics that do this. why only tagging romantic stuff? you have non romantic relationships in your fic that are just as important. tagging them would actually help the fic to get more readers (the ones looking for fics with gen relationships) but no, the romantic couple that had ¼ of chapter (of a multichapter fic) was a more relevant tag. wonder why

[saturnniidae]

Hi since it's aro-spec week I'd like to just highlight one of my absolute favorite things about httyd, from the viewpoint of an aromantic:

The importance it puts on platonic relationships.

The whole franchise is of course, centered around Hiccup and Toothless' bond. They're friendship is from the beginning built on unconditional trust. They care for each other so much. They are best friends, hey mean everything to each other and have a bond nothing else (even romantic relationships) could ever rival.

(I could say so much more about them honestly but it's all probably been said before by someone better at articulating their thoughts so whatever)

Another aspect I love is while there are romantic relationships and plots, they're not shoved in the audience's faces. Other than certain episodes dedicated to Hiccstrid's development, it's mostly just, there. Neither the story nor the characters' lives revolve around it and it's honestly a bit refreshing.

Hiccup and Astrid very clearly value they're friendship. In the episode they got together, what Hiccup said to her very clearly implied how important to him she is, and he'd be fine even if they weren't romantic partners, as long as they can still be with each other.

And that's so special to me.

Like, it is not something you often see in media. And even when they do start dating, they primarily put their friendship first—and not just with each other, like there's a whole rtte episode basically dedicated to why they need to value their friendships just as much as they value each other.

And of course, the friendship between the dragon riders as a whole. As much as they fight, and despite their actions towards Hiccup in the past, they all clearly care for each other immensely and unconditionally. It's so unfortunate that they're just side characters in the movies, I really wish they're friendships got more of a spotlight but at least we have Rob and Rtte.

(Imo it does a very good job making these characters relatable whether you feel romantic attraction or not.)

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

9-1-1 fandom deal with your amatonormativity challenge ESPECIALLY when eddie’s storyline has been and continues to be filled with amatonormativity and how damaging it is to him…. fandom will agree that he’s been constantly forcing himself into relationships to get the ideal nuclear family for his son and because he thinks he’s failed as a father and person but at the same time think if he just gets with buck it will fix all of his problems… it’s exhausting and damaging and if the show doesn’t grapple with the bad messages they’ve been sending the least the fandom could do is acknowledge it and not propitiate it…

[ahopefulbromantic]

Everything I do in life is to glorify God and to fight the concept of amatonormativity