#I also want that moment of ‘’Oh shit! I’m a /BAD/ role model!’’ Followed by Bruce desperately trying to pull his life together

[msfcatlover]

I don’t want Battinson to get a Robin because I think he’d be a good father. I want it the same way an older sibling wants to pick you up & chuck you in the deep end of the pool just to watch you flounder.

[honey-milk-depresso]

Meanie (Azul Ashengrotto x Reader) 8

Part 1,

part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8 (END)

The final chapter. Congratulations for surviving this long with my bullshit-

“Everyone, please place the flower we have given you in their coffin.”

The sunlight was shining brightly in the early morning of NRC’s campus, 

but no happiness was to be found.

Just yesterday, you have died.

And it took a moment for Azul to realize that you were truly gone.

Everyone in NRC lined up in a single file to pay their final respects to you, one by one placing their flower in your coffin.

When it came to Azul’s turn, he had to hold himself from crying. He felt as if you were watching him. If he cried, you’ll cry too, and he doesn’t want you to fully leave this world with sadness and guilt.

He looked at you. Even if you’re dead, you looked as beautiful as ever.

He grabbed your cold hands, and placed the flower in the middle of your chest, before he gently used your hands to cover the flower, as if you are holding it.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I hope you go to a safe place.” And he walked away.

=============================================================

Azul walked back to Octavinelle with Jade and Floyd. They were silent. Yes, even Floyd stayed quiet.

The atmosphere was solemn.

Azul was solemn.

Never in his life have he came across death, let alone, someone he hold close to.

He used to love before.

He went back to his office alone and tilted his head up. Jade and Floyd went back to their rooms.

He’s not crying. He won’t cry for you.

Read it.

He heard something whisper.

“What..?”

The notebook.

He glanced to his right, the notebook labelled “ To Azul Ashengrotto”.

“Read it after they die,” Trey’s words echoed in his head as he recalls.

He grabbed the book.

To Azul Ashengrotto.

He stared at it, hesitantly flipping to the first page.

“I’m rewriting this from the accounts of Y/n, Azul. She asked for it. I hope you’re reading this.

- Trey Clover”

So Trey wrote this book for you to him.

“Azul and I were chilling at Monstro Lounge in the VIP room.

Lmao, he was soooo unlucky with his pulls, and had to answer all my questions and stuff. Apparently he thinks Idia is more handsome than Jade. Ooh~ 

I really loved the fact he wanted to spend time with me although he looks so done. I really appreciate it!”

He snorted. That was so you.

“Azul and I hanged out at the Rose Kingdom. I’m so glad Headmaster allowed me to hang out with him! Sometimes I feel like Headmaster is a dad. 

I had so much fun! Though, it’s kinda embarrassing that Azul spoilt me with so many gifts, and all I did was drag him around. I love the octopus plushie he won for me. It’s so chubby, soft and cute, just like him! 

He also bought me food from Trey’s awesome family bakery, and a really expensive pendent. I feel guilty, but I love it! It’s so pretty!”

He sighed. Really? Chubby?

“Headmaster told me I’m going to die in five months time. I’m really scared. I know I’ve joked about I feel like dying cuz of Professor Crewel’s homework, now facing with death, it feels really scary.

I have to tell everyone right? Headmaster told me he’ll tell my friends, that includes Azul. How would he feel? I don’t want him to feel sad..”

He flipped to the next page.

“Azul, Jade and Floyd came to visit me. Actually EVERYONE did! Even Leona and Idia! Can you believe it?? But I was so happy that Azul and the tweels came.

I rubbed my eyes so hard because I didn’t want them to see me cry. I was just so happy to see them!”

“Trey told me something. Well, an offered to do something for me. 

He knew I had a superrrr big crush on Azul, and he said I should tell him. I was so embarrassed at first, but I’m going to die soon, so I have to confess sooner or later right? 

He told me he’ll write a whole record of me of what I want to tell him, and then I can give it for him to read after I die.

Sounds like a good idea, but also kind of cruel. After I die????

What should I do?”

So that’s what you were talking about with him.

“I got to be discharged!

FINALLY OH MY SEVENSSSSS-

I CAN GET FRESH AIR BEFORE I DIE

DO YOU KNOW HOW BORING IT IS TO BE CHAINED TO A BED, DOING NOTHING UNTIL SOMEONE COMES TO VISIT???

PROFESSOR TREIN’S CLASS IS WAY BETTER-

Azul brought me around the entire campus, and to Octavinelle! And we played UNO! Although I lost a lot... But I’m happy I got to spend time with him and see everyone outside of the infirmary! ^^”

“I went to NRC’s Halloween Celebration!

IT. WAS. SO. COOL!!

There were like flying decorations and good food,

I got to see NRC become so lively and colorful! It was amazing!

Also I got to hang out with Azul and the tweels, and of course, everyone else!

I even got to be part of all the scaring and stuff at the Octavinelle’s scare house! heheheh~ 

I love the big finale, I wish it could last forever.”

“I made up my mind. 

I’m gonna ask Trey to help me write that book. I want Azul to have a piece of me even when I’m gone. I won’t leave him alone, and I’ll do everything in my power to do so.

If Trey is giving me the opportunity to do so, I’ll take it! Though, I should’ve done it from the beginning..”

“Azul kissed me. 

Oh my shit-

MMM I SHOULDN’T HAVE DRANK THE PLUM WINE HE GAVE ME BEFORE WE KISSED, I PROBABLY SMELT BAD-

BUT HE SAID HE LIKES IT??? WAS IT A GOOD CALL I DON’T KNOW-

But... I’m happy.. I got the courage to confess to him! On top of that, he said yes! I’m so happy I could cry..”

“I’m going to be giving the notebook to Trey. He’s gonna record it all down for me today. 

Azul, I hope you’re reading this. I want you to flip to the back. I asked Trey to attached something really important I want to share with you.”

He flipped to the back. There was a slip of paper folded, stapled to the page. It also held the pendent he bought for you. He grabbed it, and unfolded the paper.

“Azul, 

I’m writing this to you 5 months before I die. Crowley told me to tell everyone about my condition, but I wrote this for you specially.

Remember I told you in that truth or dare game?

“If I told you I was scared to die, what would you do?”

To tell you now, I’m still kind of scared. But I won’t show it! Pretending not being scared isn’t like lying.

Okay, but a practical thing, you could do anything you want with this book.

You can tear it up, throw it away, hide it or even show to everyone! Totally up to you!

I’m gonna be honest with you, I was and still jealous of you.

You were and are the picture perfect honor student of NRC. I haven’t been in NRC as long as you, but I’m just so jealous you manage to be so cool and flawless in everything you do! Well, maybe except for flying..

But still! You were and still are my role model! You always manage to amaze me! But not only that, you treated me like your best friend no matter what position you are! Maybe that’s why I fell for you, you didn’t show biasness towards me to become my friend. I hope you were genuine about our friendship!

But, I like the fact you actually sometimes don’t need other people to reflect about yourself, unlike me. I can’t reflect about me all by myself. If I were like you, maybe I could’ve been able to live entirely by myself, with my own unique worth and responsibilities. Of course, while still being friends with others!

But when it comes to self reflection, you are down to earth with yourself, you speak to yourself, and that’s very independent of you. Ever since you were little you were like that too, and that’s what made you hardworking and diligent!

I’ll end it right here, to tell you I love you. Ehehe~ Sorry it’s so sudden.

I love you, meanie.”

drip.

Pitter, patter, pitter, patter.

Slowly, Azul felt tears rolling down his face.

He broke. Except... that wasn’t true.

He’d been broken when he first heard you were about to die. He just kept strong for you, as you did for him.

He was so glad, he had spent his time with you.

You needed him. You felt like he’d done everything for you.

But now, you’re gone.

It was thanks to you, he never felt insecure about his past anymore. For the first time he met you, his really lived for the first time. He existed in this world.

“Thank you, y/n..” he choked, smiling meekly at your final goodbye letter to him, as he clutched the pendent he gave you.

“I love you so much...”

From Ramshackle dorm, your slightly dusty octopus plushie rest on the side of your pillow.

From far away, he sensed you hugging it, whispering so close to him although so far,

“I love you too, meanie..”

END

============================================================

HO SHIT-

REBLOG IT I FELT MY TEARS I-

Ok I’m joking

thank you for surviving and following with the story. 

Azul loves you. Bye, have a good day!

@magicpumpkin3 don’t kill me pls-

[fantasy2739]

Prompt idea: Jamie and a woman he has a one night stand with have a pregnancy scare. He's really worried about being a bad father (the sad part), so he insists on taking care of one of those RealCare baby dolls that cry and hijinks ensue (the funny part).

Okay so I had to google what a RealCare baby is because we don’t really use them where I am (or we do and I’ve just never seen one). So the accuracy is definitely a no.

Jamie stares at Amy like she’s grown a second head.

“You’re what?” He croaks. She purses her lips.

“I said, I might be pregnant.” She repeats. They’re sat in Jamie’s house, which he is eternally grateful for because he’s pretty sure he almost spat juice everywhere. “My periods late and my stomach has been feeling shitty.” Jamie cringes a little at that because what the fuck is he supposed to say.

“But we used a condom.” He says, it’s almost a whine. Amy sighs.

“They’re only so effective.” She says.

“And you’re not like, on the pill?” He asks, wary that he might be crossing some line. Amy shakes her head and Jamie nods, because fair enough. “What do we do then?” Amy considers it for a moment.

“I’m gonna get one of those fancy tests that tells you early and then we’ll go from there.” She says. The look she gives him is almost pitying. “I just wanted to let you know, cause there isn’t really anyone else I can tell.” Jamie nods and insists that he pay for the test. Amy smiles at him and tells him she’ll text him. Jamie sees her out and goes to curl up on the sofa. He’s mulling over what happens if Amy is actually pregnant. Do they keep the baby? Do they not? He can’t force Amy to do either. He wraps his arm around a cushion and stares at the wall.

He’d be a shit dad.

Well no, maybe not. He doesn’t actually know. But then he doesn’t have the best idea of being a dad. His dad is a piece of shit. What if they keep the baby and he’s shit with them? What if they don’t like him?

What if he hurts them?

Jamie grips the cushion tighter. He’s terrified. He’s breathing faster and he’s scared of this child that may not even be a thing. How the fuck is he supposed to be a parent if he’s freaking out over the idea of one? He spends the next couples of days pacing back and forth, mulling it all over in his mind.

He’d hurt his kid.

He doesn’t want to be like his father.

He hopes he’s like his mum.

He doesn’t know if he can break the cycle.

Amy’s text is a blessing.

‘Hi Jamie, I took two tests to be sure, both negative! Thanks Amy X.’

Jamie feels so relieved he nearly cries. He’s been teetering on the edge of uncertainty for too long. He shakes it off, sends Amy a quick thanks, and tries to forget.

Except he can’t.

Now that he’s thought he could be having a kid he’s almost desperate to prove he wouldn’t be shit. Or at least he’d like to know. So after an hour of googling he ends up order a fucking RealCare baby. He’s never regretted a purchase so quickly. But it’s too late now. He needs to know.

Okay so maybe he shouldn’t have turned up to Richmond with the fucking baby but he’s supposed to treat it like an actual baby.

“Why the fuck do you have a fake baby?” Roy asks like Jamie has just personally caused every problem Roy has ever had. Jamie doesn’t know what to say, so he shrugs and puts the baby, who he’s named Babs, on the bench. “Jamie, seriously what the fuck?”

“It is cute.” Sam says. “But also very creepy.” Isaac is moving from side to side.

“It’s eyes are like following me.” He says. Ted comes out to see what the commotion is about and he sees Babs.

“Well who’s this little cutie?” He asks. Jamie smirks.

“Babs.” He says. “It’s one of them RealCare baby things.” Ted is all smiles.

“Reminds me of high school, take a bag of flour home, treat it like a baby.” He says. He pauses and looks at Jamie with wide eyes. “You’re having a baby?” Jamie shakes his head.

“Had a… scare.” He admits. “Wanted to try it out.” There’s silence and then.

“So have you brought lots of clothes?”

“Let me hold the baby.”

“Does it cry all the time?”

“Do you have to feed it and shit?”

“Can I be the fun uncle?” Jamie blinks a few times and smirks.

“I want Babs to have good role models. So none of you fucks.” He says. “Except maybe Ted and maybe Sam.” Sam grins. “Roy you can be Babs��� great grandad since you’re fucking old enough.” Roy growls but there’s a softness in his eyes. Jamie picks Babs up and cradles her gently. He steps towards Ted, who has his arms ready in a second.

“Cute as a button.” Ted says as he holds her.

“Takes after her mum then.” Bumbercatch jokes. Jamie sticks his tongue out at him.

“Oh hush now.” Ted says. “I think it’s real great you’re doing this Jamie.” Jamie shrugs and takes Babs back. He crooks his arms around her and cradles her. He makes a cooing face. There’s a flash and someone has definitely snapped a picture. Jamie flips them off and goes back to his baby. Some of the team are leaning off his shoulder.

“Oi, we still have training to do.” Roy reminds them.

“We can’t leave her in the locker room.” Colin says. “She’ll get hurt.” There’s murmurs of agreement.

“Fucking fine, I’ll hold her while you all practice.” Roy caves. Jamie smirks.

“Here Babs, say hello to your great grandad.” He says, carefully handing her over. Roy takes her and it must be a trick of the light because he almost looks sweet. “Be good yeah, he’s too old to do things quickly.” Roy glares but cuddles Babs close. They go out and practice. When Dani scored he runs over to Babs and holds her up.

“That one of for you chiquita mia.” He says. Roy’s rolling his eyes but Jamie thinks it’s great. Babs has a special place in all their hearts

The next day he turns up sleep deprived but oddly pleased. Babs had cried all night. Jamie had tried everything he could think of; changing, feeding, holding. He had been annoyed but he’d also been scared. He was so worried about what might be wrong with Babs and he just wanted to make it better. Sitting up on his bedroom floor, cradling Babs gently to his chest he realised he hadn’t once thought about yelling at her or hitting her. So he was smiling as he strolled in. He was met by an avalanche of people.

“Look, we got Babs her own little kit!” Issac said, thrusting a bag at Jamie.

“I made her something.” Bumbercatch says, holding out a beautiful red and blue scarf. Jamie smiles widely, it’s all very sweet. Sam comes forward with a little blanket that he wraps around Babs. There’s a little noise of contentment and the room aw’s

“I just want to check, we do know that it’s a fake baby?” Nate asks, almost timidly. They all look at him. “Right, okay, yep, Babs is adorable Jamie.” Jamie rocks her slightly and they’re rewarded with more cute noises.

“You look tired.” Jan says, blunt as ever.

“Fatherhood, keeps you on your toes.” Jamie says with a shrug. The day dissolves into different teammates stealing Babs to play. Jamie catches Colin and Issac gently cooing over her in the boot room. Bumbercatch wraps her in her scarf and takes a million photos. Zoreaux and Dani run around with her, showing her Richmond like it’s a fucking museum. Even Jan caves and hugs her close for twenty minutes, telling everyone it’s comforting.

Babs stays with Jamie for another week. Despite how tired he is at the end of it he knows he’ll do anything for his kid. He’s not ready to be a dad yet, way too busy. But it’s reassuring to know he won’t be completely shit.

And he knows the team will be there, every step of the way.

[ah-ga-seven]

Till The End of Summer - Chapter 15 (Bonus: The End)

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Genre: Fluff, Angst.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world, Yeonjun’s family, past and reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 7K

Genre:  Fluff, Angst

Warnings: None??

Yeonjun was following you around the house like a lost puppy as you were running around like a crazy person, gathering stuff you needed while you were half-dressed and half ready to leave the house.

“Baby, slow down,” he says as he zipped up your dress from the back while you were putting on your heels.

“No, we’re gonna be late for our best friends' wedding. Ugh, I knew we shouldn’t have showered together, that always ends with dickstractions.”

Yeonjun stopped in his tracks, unable to suppress his laughter. “Did you just say dickstrations?”

You turn around on your heels, a little startled at how close he was. You hadn’t looked at him since he changed into his suit and suddenly you feel your mouth grow dry at the sight.

He noticed how you were gawking at him and grinned, holding you by your waist. “Like what you see?” he asks all seductively, running his hands through his roughly slicked-back black locks. He looked ravishing, even better than the runway models of his own fashion shows.

You nod, biting your lip as he inches closer for a kiss, but you stop him as realization hits you. “Babe no, my make-up.”

He rolled his eyes, letting go of you so you could finish getting ready, and sat down on your king-sized bed, watching you put on the diamond choker necklace he got you for Christmas last year.

“I can’t believe they’re getting married,” he mumbles as he stares into distance.

“That’s usually what happens when you get engaged, babe.”

Your tone was a little bitchier than you intended, but after 5 years of being together while all of your friends were getting married left and right, you had no idea why you hadn’t been proposed to yet.

The thing is, between Yeonjun starting his own luxury fashion brand and your demanding job at a scientific research facility, you haven’t had the time to even think about having a wedding of your own, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want one.

Yeonjun looked at you a little puzzled and just as he was going to open his mouth to speak, his phone started to ring.

You looked at him through the mirror as you put your diamond earrings on and by the frown that had taken over his features you knew it had to be work.

He picked up with a sigh. “I thought I told you not to call me today unless it was an emergency, so this better be good.”

Yeonjun as a businessman was a full 360 from who he was at home or with his friends. It’s not like he was an asshole but…the reason why his brand got to showcase its creations next to majors like Balenciaga and Céline so quickly wasn’t because of his soft side.

You make eye contact and you raise your brow in question, but he just silently mouthed that it was work as he opened your bedroom door.

He walked out, not wanting you to hear him rant to his employees about some fuck up on their side.  

You quietly put your lipstick in your clutch as you hear him close his office door behind him. Well shit. It must be bad if he doesn't want you to hear.

You hoped that whatever it was wouldn’t spoil the mood.

You fix a piece of Yeonjun’s hair as he’s driving and pout. He was stressed and nervous, you could tell by the way he was biting the inside of his cheek. he was Soobin’s best man, and you were Mia’s maid of honor; so, you were heading there earlier to welcome the guests and help them wherever you could.

“Are you nervous baby?” you ask as you intertwine your fingers with his.

He sighs, raising your intertwined hand to his plump lips to give the back of your hand a sweet kiss before putting both of your hands in his lap. “I have so many responsibilities tonight, I thought weddings were supposed to be fun,” he mumbles, anxiety evident in his voice.

Yeonjun is a perfectionist, so everything had to go perfect today. And given the fact that he had quite the role to uphold tonight, if anything were to be less than perfect, he’d be to blame.

At least that’s how he sees it.

After all these years Yeonjun is still hard on himself, but since it comes from a place of love for Soobin and Mia his perfectionism is even worse.

“It’ll be funnnn” you drag your words as you shake his shoulder to get him to lighten up and it seemed to work as he displayed his pearly whites to you in a boyish smile.

When you arrive at the venue, you’re in complete awe of how beautifully the place was decorated.  

White flower walls and branches were set up throughout the place, they had starlight projectors, big round tables for their guests and the stage was beautifully decorated with polaroid pictures of them and their loved ones.  

It was breathtaking and absolutely adorable. From the details of the engraved silverware to all the guests' names on their respective champagne glasses, they literally thought of everything.

You excitedly look around as you hold on to Yeonjun's arm as you drag him around the empty venue. “Oh my god, and this! They’re polaroids from our college days look!” you point at one of the pictures on the flower wall in front of you and Yeonjun leans forward to look at the group picture of the boys, Mia and yourself.  

“This was at my welcome home party, look. I’m knocked out on your lap.” You giggle excitedly and start looking at the other pictures with childlike enthusiasm and suddenly Yeonjun finds himself simping over how cute you are right now.

He looked around him and noticed how a few staff members were fixing some flower arrangements or plates without minding the two of you, which gave him the perfect reason to be clingy.  

“You look so beautiful,” he says as he snakes his arms around your waist from behind, leaning his head on your shoulder.

You’re surprised by his sudden display of affection and try to turn around but he holds you in place as he softly kisses your neck.

“Yeonjun, stop. I swear if you leave a hickey, I’ll kill you. Both of our parents are coming.”  

He smiles against your skin. “We’re adults.”

“No, I’m the adult, you’re a man child” you argue with a smile and he let out an amused chuckle, reluctantly letting go of you.

“Fine. Just wait till we get home.” He threatens as he casually smacks your ass.

Your moment was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat and when you turn around you are met with Soobin’s tall and handsome form.

He was wearing the white suit Yeonjun designed for him, his hair was slicked back and he had the prettiest smile on his face as he laid eyes on both of you.

“Soobin!” you yell as you launch forward to hug him. He stumbled a step back and chuckled as you hold him at an arm's length. “Wow, you clean up nicely. You look great! So handsome.” You compliment him with a wink and he smiles at you all giddily. “Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself.”

“Ok, enough doting on each other,” Yeonjun says rolling his eyes as he pulls you back so you’d stand next to him again. The action made both Soobin and yourself burst out into laughter.  

“What are you jealous of, I’m literally getting married.’ Soobin boasts all confidently as he wraps an arm around Yeonjun. “I’m jealous that no one’s complimenting me.” Yeonjun pouts and your eyes nearly roll out of your skull as you hear Soobin trying to heal Yeonjun’s ego with compliments.

You softly knock on the door before you peek your head through and make eye contact with Mia through the full body mirror she was facing. Her parents were next to her as well as her brother and her make-up artist.

You both look at each other with shocked facial expressions and when you lock eyes with her, you immediately start to tear up.

She looked beautiful. The strapless lace mermaid gown she was wearing was absolutely show-stopping. Her hair was down, long and wavy, and her make-up was also flawless. You had never seen her like this, and suddenly it hit you that two of your best friends were getting married to each other.

“Mia…” your voice was almost inaudible and when she turned around to see the tears in your eyes, she started to choke up as well.

“Shit, no. Don’t make me cry, my face will melt,” she says as she starts waving her hands to fan herself and the two of you start to giggle as you move closer to embrace her carefully without ruining her attire.

You greet her family before they left to give you a moment alone and turn to her again once they left.

“How does Soobin look?” she asks all excitedly. They hadn’t seen each other today and looking at Mia you were sure that Soobin would start crying once he saw her. “Almost as pretty as you do,” you joke as you walk to the small window of her dressing room that had a view of the main entrance.

“Are you nervous?”  

The place was already getting packed with friends and family, and you spotted the table you’d be seated at, seeing that the boys and their partners were already there.

“Nah, well maybe a little. I’m sure the nerves will go away once I look in his eyes.”  

You pout at her cute statement and look at the clock. “Half an hour till showtime.”

“Oh, shit. Well, I have to get going. I’m taking some pictures with my family before the ceremony, I’ll see you in a bit!”

You nod at her with a smile as she rushes out of her dressing room and make your way down the stairs. You were scanning the halls for Yeonjun but couldn’t find him or the boys when you swore you just saw them.

Your parents would arrive any minute now too, so your mind was in overdrive trying to find any familiar face at this point. You decide to just make your way to your table but halfway there you felt a slight tug on your wrist.

“Y/n? Is that you?”  

You turn around a little bewildered because you were so focused on finding either Yeonjun, your friends, or your parents but when you see the man in front of you, you almost want to disappear.

It’s your fucking ex-boyfriend. Of course, he’d be here, he’s Soobin’s cousin.

You try not to look too startled but when he goes in for the hug you can’t hide your shock at seeing him again after all this time. “Minjae?”  

“The one and only.”

Ew. He’s still smug. What did you even see in him?

You look around quickly to find an excuse to leave but everyone was still missing from your assigned table.

“Can I just say, you look gorgeous. Red is your color,” he states while biting his lip as he looks you up and down. The action made you awkwardly scratch your neck in response. “Uhm, thanks.”

“Why are you alone?” he asks as he bit his lip, unapologetically looking you up and down.

“Oh, I can’t find my boyfriend, I think he went to prepare something with his friends.” You made sure to mention that you were seeing someone and that that particular someone was here with you right now, but Minjae didn’t seem to be fazed by the information

Your relationship ended on bad terms since he cheated and you. You left for college right after your breakup so you never really got closure, of course, you had to run into him here. Just your fucking luck.

“Hmm, is he in his right mind leaving a pretty girl like you all by herself out here?” he asks with a smirk while you try your best not to gag.  

If you could tell him off, you would. But the last thing you wanted was to cause a scene at your best friends’ wedding.

“Uhm, I think I’m gonna go find him.” You try to escape but Minjae follows your figure and stops you from walking away by standing in front of you again.  

“Wow wow, not so fast sweetheart, let’s catch up.” He caresses your upper arm and you flinch at the contact, subtly avoiding his touch.

“I know we didn’t end things on great terms but I’m a changed man, I swear,” he says as he takes a step closer. He was trying to intimidate you and clearly wasn’t fazed by the fact that people were passing by the two of you left and right as it started to get busier and busier while you only got more and more uncomfortable by his presence.  

“Yeah…that’s nice Minjae but I-”

“and I mean, how serious could that relationship of yours be? I don’t see a ring on your finger.”  He interrupts you, wiggling his fingers around to show that he wasn’t wearing one either.

You’re at a loss for words and just about had it. The audacity?  

Soobin always hated Minjae, and now you are starting to understand why.  

“Do you see the man on her arm?” Yeonjun’s voice was crystal clear.

He showed up out of nowhere, grabbing your hand to snake around his arm as he nonchalantly put his hand in his pocket while he looked Minjae dead in the eye with a stoic expression.

You cling onto him, relieved that he showed up. He checked on you quickly but when he saw the distress in your enlarged pupils his jaw clenched.

“Was he bothering you?”  

Yeonjun didn’t give a shit. People were starting to look your way, including Soobin and his parents.  

“I-”

“Oh, wait. You’re Choi Yeonjun, right? That designer.” Once again you are cut off by Minjae, and Yeonjun wasn’t having it, rolling his eyes as annoyance got the best of him.

“Yes. I’m surprised you know of my brand. Looking at your H&M suit I wouldn’t guess you could afford it.” Yeonjun says with a smug grin and all you can do is snort at his comment.

Minjae stiffened, not expecting Yeonjun to come for his throat like that but he tried to act nonchalantly; laughing it away.  

“I-it’s Zara.” Minjae tries, but Yeonjun licked his lip as he looked down with a smirk. He pulled you into him and placed a kiss on top of your head. “Let’s get going baby. Soobin needs us to be ready.”

Yeonjun placed his hand on the small of your back to guide you to where Soobin was standing and you finally start to breathe normally again.

“Who the fuck was that?” Yeonjun asks visibly annoyed.

“Choi Minjae. I used to date him in high school,” You explain in a hushed tone as you make your way through the venue.  

“Choi as in Soobin?” he asks wide-eyed

“Yes, they’re cousins.”  

Yeonjun stayed quiet but you knew this would be a topic of discussion later on.

He wiped the annoyed scowl off his face as he approached Soobin and replaced it with a smile.  

“What was that about?” Soobin asks as he turns to the two of you.

“Just Minjae being a dick. What else is new,” You sigh, making Soobin clench his jaw as he eyes Minjae who had by now sat down next to Soobin’s aunt and uncle at their assigned seats.

“It’s ok, Yeonjun told him off he won’t try it again. What’s a wedding without a little family drama am I right?” you try to calm Soobin’s protective side down a little, but even after all these years, nothing has changed in that aspect.

“He’s the ex that cheated on you right?” Yeonjun asked and you nod, giving him a look. “Let’s just let it go ok, the ceremony is about to start.”

Your attention is shifted to Hueningkai, who hugged Soobin from the back, making Soobin jump at the sudden attack. “Hiiii” he cooed as he rubbed his belly.

Soobin and Yeonjun start beaming at him and you watch them have their moment until he turns to you for a hug. “Hi babyface,” you tease, making Hueningkai cringe.  

“Stop calling me that, I’m 25,” he complains, but he secretly loves it and before you knew it you were joined by Beomgyu and Taehyun.

It wasn’t long before the ceremony would start. Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai stood on Soobin’s side of the altar, and you stood on Mia’s side with Ryujin and some of Mia’s childhood friends and cousins.

As both yourself and Yeonjun were appointed as maid of honor and best man, you stood in the front. Yeonjun stood with his head held high, eyeing you and giving you a mischievous wink as you made eye contact. You winked back with a smile which made him chuckle and look down to control his facial expressions.

When you look out on the crowd you make eye contact with your dad who was shaking his head with amusement at how childish the two of you were being and suddenly embarrassment flushes over you, especially when you saw that Yeonjun’s mother had the exact same expression on her face as she was seated next to your parents. A sight you could never get used to.

The music started to play, all of the guests stood up simultaneously and the large white double doors at the entrance opened to show Mia holding on to her fathers’ arm. People started to cheer including yourself and the boys, and without much time Soobin was already choking up and biting his lip to suppress tears.  

Yeonjun looked at Soobin with glistening eyes, patting his shoulder to show comfort as Mia approached.

It was beautiful. All of it. From their vows to their first kiss as husband and wife, it was like a scene out of a movie. The pure happiness you felt for your friends was almost overwhelming and after congratulating the newlywed couple and dinner with soppy speeches by the boys, yourself and their parents it was finally time to party.

You helped Mia change into something more comfortable in her dressing room and sighed as you looked at her. “How does it feel to be married?” you ask with a smirk, which Mia reciprocated. “Not much is different, other than the fact that I can call him my husband.”

“Must be nice, I’m in my late twenties and still call Yeonjun my boyfriend. It’s getting weird. The questions of people around me are even worse.”

“Like what?”

“Why aren’t you married, don’t you wanna settle down? Are the two of you in an open relationship, are you sure he’s not cheating on you? The list goes on.”  

Mia’s face contorted from confusion to disgust. “Who the fuck says that.”

“My co-workers.” You huff. “But enough about me, I’m sorry. This is your day.” You try to laugh it off, but Mia is a literal psychologist, so she wouldn’t just let this go.

“Hmm, no. The dance floor can wait,” she says as she sat down on the couch, patting the empty spot beside her to tell you to sit down.

You try to protest but she grabs your wrist and pulls you down with her, making you look her in the eye.

“Have the two of you talked about marriage?”

“Yes and No.”  

“Does he know you wanna get married?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, then…why hasn’t he asked.”

“Girl, you tell me.” You sigh. “Do you think he’s having second thoughts? With his brand and the people he’s around, they're a different caliber of gorgeous.”

“Y/n.” Mia scoffs. “Yeonjun would die without you, and you know he isn’t that shallow. He loves you more than anything. He still looks at you the way he looked at you in college. Just talk to him…”

“And say what? Hey dude, why haven’t you proposed to me yet?”  

“…yeah.” She shrugged, not getting why you wouldn’t just talk to him about it but you honestly didn’t know how to bring up the conversation. If you both talked about it and he proposed somewhere in the future, it’d mean that he did it because you wanted him to and not because he wanted to.  

“I can’t do that; my pride is in the way.” You explain giving her the short answer to your thoughts.

“I can talk to him.”

“No Mia, please. No.”

“Ah, come on. I won’t make it obvious; you know me.”  

Mia plopped herself down on the seat next to Yeonjun.

“So, when are you two getting married?” she says without a filter, making you choke on your drink. You had fire spewing from your pupils as you look at her, mouthing a ‘bitch what the fuck’ to her which she just shrugged off, turning her attention to Yeonjun.

“Uhm…” Yeonjun chugged his champagne in one shot and bit the inside of his cheek.

Shit.. he only does that when he’s nervous about something.

“I mean, we haven’t really had the time. Our jobs are too demanding right now.” He explains with a soft smile, hoping that Mia would leave him alone about it, but he knew better.

You awkwardly shift in your seat and wanted to avert the conversation, but the other boys were already busting it down on the dance floor with Soobin, meaning the three of you were alone.

Yeonjun looked at you and noticed that you weren’t looking at him or Mia and sighed.

“I don’t know, the whole concept of marriage is kinda outdated right? I mean no offense of course. You just got married.” He gave Mia one of his hypnotizing smiles but if you heard that right then that was the confirmation you needed. He got up, kissing the top of your head. “You coming to dance with me?” he asked innocently but you just shook your head.

He isn’t planning on proposing to you. Not now, not ever.

“I’m sitting this one out.”  

Yeonjun nodded understandably and walked towards his friends, making a dumbfounded Mia look at you with concern.

“….He…thinks it’s lame?” Mia says confused as ever.

“I don’t know Mia, I’ll just let it go for now.”

“No, listen to me y/n. If this is what you want for your future, then you have to let him know. Otherwise, he’ll never get it. You don’t want to have to explain to your kids why daddy never married mommy.”  

You sigh loudly, slouching in your seat while rubbing your forehead. “Wait,” Mia says. “He does want to have kids, right?”

“Yes, he does.”  

“Ok…at least you have that in common.” She tries to joke to lighten the mood but you glared at her.

“Mia…”

“Ah, I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny.” She shrugged, holding out her hand. “Wanna go dance?”

“No, I’m gonna look for my parents and Yeonjun��s mom.” You say looking around to find them.

Mia pouted at your rejection but she understood that you weren’t in the mood right now. “I expect at least one dance with my best friend, ok?” she pouted at you and you give her a weak-hearted smile.

“Ok, I promise. But later, ok?”  

She nods and you both get up as you part ways.

Yeonjun kept an eye on you and frowned when Mia approached without you.

“Where is she going?” he asked as he looked at Mia. “To say hi to her parents and your mom.”  

Soobin wrapped an arm around Mia’s waist and pulled her into him with a twirl. “There’s my lovely wife,” he says as he pecks her lips.

“Oh, Jesus.” Taehyun says shaking his head. “We’ve entered a new era.”  

“Let them be, they just got married.” Beomgyu chuckled as he swayed to the beat with Ryujin’s arms wrapped around his neck.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of calling you, my husband.” Mia says with a laugh as she threw her head back in laughter as Soobin attacked her with kisses,  and suddenly the puzzle pieces fell into place for Yeonjun at the sight.

The realization took over his features and he was immediately alarmed.

“I’m gonna go find y/n.” he says without looking back at his friends before he storms off to find you.  

“What do we do now?” Hueningkai asks in confusion.

“What was planned,” Mia says shrugging her shoulders.

Yeonjun arrived at the table both of your parents were seated at, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Hey dad, have you seen y/n?” Yeonjun asks putting a hand on your father’s shoulder.

Your dad looked up at him with a smile and shrugged. “Haven’t seen her kid.”

“She went that way.” Yeonjun’s mother says pointing to the main entrance.

Yeonjun nodded and wanted to bolt off into your direction but your mother stopped him. “Everything ok?”

“Y-yeah, I just need to tell her something,” he says as he rushed off.

The three of them follow Yeonjun with their eyes in confusion while his mother lets out an exasperated sigh.  

“I hope it’s not serious.” Your dad says raising an eyebrow.

“Knowing my son, it’s serious.” She states as she downs her champagne,  grabbing another one of the waiters’ tray swiftly as they passed by.  

Yeonjun made his way outside of the venue. The sun had set and it was chilly out; making him worry even more because if you were out here, you’d probably be freezing.  

He walked around the perimeter of the venue and stopped in his tracks when he saw you sitting alone on the steps, looking out on the lake with a wine glass in your hand.

He sighed as he watched you take a sip while you were lost in deep thought and took off the blazer to his suit as he approached you.

He draped it over your shoulders, startling you in the process but when you look up at him you instantly relax.

He sat down next to you with a low groan, taking the wine glass from your hold while taking a sip.

“That’s mine.” You try to sound playful but your tone of voice sounded rather sad, making him sigh while putting the wine glass down next to him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you want to get married?” He asks as he stares into what seems like your soul. It made you feel incredibly vulnerable and small.

“What did Mia say to you?”

“Nothing. It clicked to me when you walked off and then she called Soobin her husband and it just…”

He cut himself off as you avoided eye contact and closed his mouth with a slight pout.

“Baby…tell me.”

“Nothing I say will make sense to you,” you say with a bitter smile as you stare at the fountain in the middle of the lake. Your eyes fixated on the lights that changed color and your vision got blurry.

“Try me.” He says as he put his hand on your thigh but you stiffened at his touch, which made him frown. Having had enough of your vagueness he laced his fingers through your hair and made you look at him.

His sweet demeanor had shifted to a sterner one. He wanted answers, even if you thought they wouldn’t make sense.

He cocked his eyebrow and licked his lips, waiting for you to speak.

“Yes, I do, but I…” you take a deep breath to collect your thoughts and start rambling.  

“Of course I want to get married to you Yeonjun. It’s been five years. Incredible years at that, but as time passes, I want to be able to call you my husband. I’ll be 80 years old with grandchildren and a boyfriend, and call me old-fashioned but that’s not exactly how I pictured my life to be.”

He pursed his lips together as he listened to you attentively, furrowing his eyebrows a little to understand.  

“Yeonjun. If I have to tell you that I want to get married, then you’d only propose to me because I basically told you to do so and I don’t want that. I don’t want you to do something because you feel like you have to. If the thought never crossed your mind, then…that says enough”

“Y/n…I’m sorry. I just never thought that-”

“It’s ok. I’ll get over it.” You say interrupting him.

“No. Baby, hear me out.”  He made you look at him again. “You have to realize that the only example of a marriage I ever had was the one my parents were in. They hated each other. Married out of a business agreement and stayed together because a piece of paper tied them together. I don’t want that for us.”

“Yeonjun, we’re nothing like your parents ever were.”  

He wasn’t helping his case with that comment. You took his hand off of your cheek and reached over for your wine glass, taking a sip once you retrieved it.

Yeonjun’s eyes were darting back and forth, trying to find the right thing to say but he knew that nothing he’d say right now would make a difference.

“I’m sorry…” Yeonjun says with sadness. He looked like a lost puppy. Truly unable to grasp why you were so upset about this, and honestly you had enough of trying to explain to him why marriage was so important to you.

Your parents were the perfect example of a successful marriage, and all you wanted was something as genuine as their love.

“Can we just talk at home? I don’t want to spoil the mood for our friends. They must be wondering where we are.”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead in agony. He watched you get up and jolted upwards in lightning speed to match your tempo.

“I don’t want to go back in there like this, we need to talk about this somehow.”

“We just did Yeonjun. I want to get married, you don’t, and last time I checked I can’t marry myself so I’m just gonna have to deal with it.”  

“Y/n..”

By now you had arrived at the entrance. You downed your drink and set the empty glass down on a random tray and waltzed inside of the ballroom with big strides.  

“Hey bitch, catch!” Mia yells as she throws you her bouquet.

You hadn’t even noticed how the music stopped and look at her wide-eyed. What the hell was she thinking? Wasn’t the look of thunder on your face enough of a hint that you weren’t in for her jokes right now.

You look back and Yeonjun somehow disappeared from your line of sight, making you even more confused and annoyed than you already were.

“Mia, what the hell.” You furrow your eyebrows at her and notice how suddenly all eyes were on you.

People were standing in a circle and most of the tables were set aside to create the space that you were now standing in the middle of right now.

Soobin smiled at you, he wrapped his arm around Mia’s shoulder, pulling her into him as his eyes disappeared into crescent moons. He watched your eyes widen as Tae, Gyu and Kai approached you. Tae covered your eyes as Beomgyu and Hueningkai sat you down on a random chair they brought with them.  

What the fuck was going on?

- Before the wedding -

“I can’t believe they’re getting married,” he mumbles as he stares into distance.

“That’s usually what happens when you get engaged, babe.”

Yeonjun looked up at you in surprise as you were looking at him through the mirror while putting on your earrings.

Are you on to him? He dumbfoundedly stared back at you, trying to find the right words to avert your attention to a different topic but then his phone started to ring.

It was Soobin.

His eyes widened. Lying wasn’t something he was good at, but he didn’t want you to catch on.

He picked up with a sigh. “I thought I told you not to call me today unless it was an emergency, so this better be good.”

He looked at you, mouthing to you that it was a work thing as he disappeared from your shared bedroom and into his home office.

He closed the door behind him, pacing back and forth.  

“Sorry, y/n was in the room,” Yeonjun says with a relieved sigh.

“Is she suspecting anything?” Soobin asks a little worried.  

“No, at least I don’t think so.”

“Good. We planned this for way too long for it to be ruined. Everything is set up. She won’t know what’s coming for her.”

Yeonjun smiled, retrieving the square box from his back pocket as he opened it, staring at the 12-carat diamond ring in its case.  

“I hope so.”

As Taehyun removed his hands from your line of sight a still image was projected on the wall in front of you.

You blink a couple of times to look around and see how Mia and Soobin were giddily smiling at you. You give the boys a look but they just laughed it off, motioning you to look at the monitor, and that’s when the video started playing.

It was a full timeline of your relationship with Yeonjun, videos and pictures of your college days, videos of yourself and Yeonjun decorating the house for Christmas, family dinners, important milestones; he documented all of it.  

Deep down inside you knew what was about to happen but after everything that just went down, it was incredibly hard to believe.

You're entranced by what you were seeing, completely frozen and in shock to even move until the video cut to a clip of Soobin and yourself as kids, you guessed you were about 5 years old at the time.

Little Soobin and yourself were having a pretend wedding ceremony, making everyone in the room swoon and chuckle.

You still remembered this day clearly. You made Soobin dress up with you and play house but 5-year-old you came to the genius realization that in order to play house, you’d have to get married first.

Your eyes started to water at the sight, and then your dad who was behind the camera cleared his throat in the video.

“Soobin, are you going to marry y/n when you’re older?” he asks panning the camcorder around to show that both of your moms were present too.

“Ew dad, no.” you crossed your tiny arms over each other and gave Soobin a grossed out glare.

“No, probably not.” Soobin agreed too as he shrugged his shoulders.  

“But when I do get married, I’ll make sure y/n gets married too.” He says with a small lisp, determination evident on his features as he pursed his lips together to show off his dimples.

Your parents started to laugh in the clip. “That’s not how it works Soobin.”

“Yes it is!” little you agreed with Soobin, linking arms with him as you stared straight into the camera.

“Let’s pinky promise.” You grinned at him, linking your tiny pinky with his. “Promise!”

The video stopped and you wiped a tear from your face as you give both Mia and Soobin a sentimental smile. Beomgyu helped you stand up and ran off to stand next to the others, who were by now joined by your parents and Yeonjun’s mother.

Both yours and Yeonjun’s favorite song started to play softly, and you turn around to see where it was coming from as Daniel Caesars' voice rang through the speakers.

‘Through drought and famine’

‘Natural disasters’

‘My baby has been around, for me.’

You were met with Yeonjun’s charming smile as he walked closer to you, taking your hands to lace his fingers with yours.

“What is all this…” you look at him with watery eyes,  

“Aren’t you going to keep the promise you made to Soobin?”  

He smiled at you as he let go of one hand, taking a tiny black velvet box of out his pocket as he got down on one knee.

You cover your mouth out of shock, tears welling up in your eyes once more as you give him a small nudge.

“You asshole.” You huff in tears, making everyone in the room laugh including Yeonjun. "And all of you were in on it?" you ask looking back at your friends who were nodding their heads in unison.

You chuckled through your tears, averting your attention back to Yeonjun who was still knelt down before you.

“You’re my home y/n.” he says with watery eyes. “Throughout everything, you are the one thing in my life that is unchanged. I know it was far from easy to love me for the past 5 years, but with all the craziness you have stood by me. With this ring, I want to show you that I’ll stand by you too…until death do us part” he states with a soft smile, and by now your mother has started to cry, including Yeonjun’s mother; the ice queen herself.

“Y/n.” he says taking a deep breathe. “Will you marry me?”  

You sniff your tears away, scrunching your nose as you start to nod furiously.

“Yes.”

Yeonjun smiled up at you, quickly putting the ring on your finger before he got up and spun you around in his arms as people started to cheer, even Minjae was bitterly clapping his hands to congratulate you.

Yeonjun hugged you tightly as you buried your face in his chest, crying at the surreal and perfect moment. He giggled as a tear ran down his face too. Burying his nose in your hair as he held you as close as possible.

“I love you,” you manage to get out before you lean in to kiss him.

“I love you too.”

- 1 year later -

“Oooh my god Mia, you’re about to pop.” Yeonjun says with big eyes as he opens the door for Mia and Soobin to enter your home.

Yeonjun and yourself had gotten back from your month-long honeymoon a few days back and you invited everyone over for a Sunday dinner.  

“Gee thanks. It’s not like I’m 8 months pregnant or anything.” She huffs as she waddles to the living room to sit down next to Taehyun and his boyfriend of two years, who had already arrived prior to them.

Yeonjun chuckled, throwing an arm around Soobin.

“How are you holding up, father to be?” he asks as he squeezed Soobin’s shoulder

“I can’t wait till the baby comes. Her hormones have been crazy lately, she made me get cheese nuggets last night at 2 am.” Soobin says as he rubs his eyes.

“Oh, y/n makes me do that without the pregnant part.”

You emerge from your kitchen at the sound of your name. “You talkin shit Choi?”

“No, I just told Soobin how much I loved you.” Yeonjun says through his teeth with a smile and all Soobin could do was laugh at the interaction.

You roll your eyes, wiping your hands on your apron as you take it off.

“Dinner will be ready in like half an hour.” You announce as you walk into the living room.

When you lay eyes on Mia you immediately run over to her, squeezing her as you rubbed her belly. “She’s gonna be the cutest baby ever.” you pout.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Taehyun asks as he reached over to touch Mia’s baby bump as well.

“We’re still deciding,” Mia says with a smile, and at that the doorbell rang once again.

You got up to open the door and were greeted with the smiles of a by now engaged Beomgyu and Ryujin, followed by Hueningkai and his girlfriend Won-young  

The night was spent enjoying the food you made, you reminisced about your college days and talked about everything from your honeymoon to brainstorming baby names for Mia and Soobin.  

Time flew by when you were all together.

The group was enjoying a drink at the bar area of your kitchen and you were pouring yourself a virgin martini in full concentration mode.

Yeonjun snakes his arms around your waist from behind and kissed your temple sweetly as he came to check on you. You leaned into his touch, the both of you stared at the group of people that you call your family, smiling contently as you look up at Yeonjun to peck his lips.  

“When do we tell them?” he asks as he rubbed your tummy.  

You turn around to face him, giving him a nervous smile. ‘I’m worried that Mia might give birth on the spot when she hears the news.”

Yeonjun snorted at your comment, touching your stomach once again as he stared down in wonder. “I still can’t believe it,” he comments as he's lost in thought to a month ago when you told him about it.

Yeonjun was quick to serve everyone a brownie for dessert, carefully instructing them to wait before they took a bite.

You got up to stand next to him at the edge of your dinner table and had the giddiest smile on your face.  

“…Brownies?” Beomgyu asks wide-eyed.

“The last time you made these I developed PTSD.” Soobin says, reminiscing back to the night where you told everyone you had bagged an exchange to Brown University.

“So, you have news again?” Taehyun asks carefully and Yeonjun just nodded with a smile, pulling out his phone to record their reactions once they broke off a piece.  

“You’re not immigrating to another country or anything this time, right?” Mia asked, making you and Yeonjun chuckle at the absurd guess.

“Come on guys, open it up.” You clapped your hands excitedly and waited for them to break off a piece with their forks.

Ryujin was the first one to catch on as she discovered the blue and pink cream filling, followed by loud gasps and screams from everyone.

‘WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY IN THE FAMILY!?” Hueningkai yells with big eyes, asking for confirmation as everyone looked at the two of you with anticipation.

All you could do was smile and nod and suddenly you were bombarded with hugs, kisses, and even tears from an overwhelmed Mia.

“I-I’m s-so h-happy for you!” she sniffed through her tears as she hugged both you and Yeonjun clumsily yet tightly.

Soobin approached you next with a huge grin on his face. “Our kids are going to be just like us, like all of us” He said with watery eyes, looking at Yeonjun and the rest of the boys with proudness and love emitting from his pupils.  

“Together forever.”  

A/N: Thank you so much for the overwhelming love and support all of you have given me throughout the series. Till the End of Summer has officially ended.

I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I did.

[fandom-monium]

Bonding

Summary: In which you suddenly transfer into the BAU, and Spencer is too socially awkward. (alternatively, the failed attempts Spencer makes trying to connect with you.) “You’ve been profiling me, Doc?”

Word count: 2.3k+

Tags/warnings: Spencer Reid x reader, another attempt at gender neutral reader so no pronouns, Fluff(??), kind of first meeting (?), Spencer Reid pining is everything (what an adorable loser), Spencer socially awkward is also everything, reader insert, mild social anxiety (??), no big warnings except a couple fucks and damns

A/N: TO MY TODOROKI FANS: YES, I’M STILL ALIVE. SOULMATE AU EP 5 IS STILL UNDERGOING EDITS. COMING SOOON~ THX FOR WAITING!

New beginnings are scary, Spencer Reid understands that more than anything. A fish out of water at school, thriving in all academics; it came naturally to him, but the rest... well being over six years younger than his classmates didn’t make things much easier. It winded him trying to connect with his peers. He gave up eventually, no one bothering to extend a line to him, and when they did, it wasn’t out of good intentions. He learned that new things are terrifying, be ready for the worst.

So when you stride into the bullpen without so much as a notice, no one’s prepared. Not even you, Spencer notices, your hands flexing at your sides. You shove them into your pockets as you politely smile.

“Everyone, this is SSA (First Name) (Last Name), our newest member of the team,” Hotch introduces.

They manage a welcome but introductions are cut short as a new case presents itself with severe urgency. 

Garcia whines, unprepared for your arrival. You later reassure her it’s fine, but Spencer figures you’re relieved by the way your shoulders relax.

Oddly enough, the way you ease into their team dynamic is almost instantaneous. Not like the way a puzzle piece fits because that would imply that the team is a set when in reality it’s changing; not often but it happens. 

No, your addition is similar to a LEGO brick.

You slip into the role of profiler with ease. You hesitate at first, but your voice doesn’t tremble in the slightest as you offer your own opinions and observations pertaining to the case. You provide them support much like the base of a LEGO model. 

Later on, when Spencer divulges this to you, you smack him hard enough he bruises. You equate him to a peach. But you grin, and the ache fades almost instantly.

Spencer would go as far as to say he respects you, despite not knowing anything about you at the moment. Your devotion shines through whatever hesitancy you had earlier, and though your debut to them was hurried, your dedication is not lost to the team, prompting them to give you the welcome you deserve.

As a result, they make an effort the next couple weeks. A “united force of camaraderie”, Garcia calls it.

Hotch and Rossi go to you, whether you’re at your desk or called to them. Usually, it’s for an extra opinion on a case because you’re fresh eyes. From his desk across from yours, as he inconspicuously watches you purse your lips, attempting not to smile at your seniors, Spencer realizes you do think differently than the rest of them. It’s slight but not too obvious. Maybe it’s because you’re new; you’ve only joined a week ago, or maybe it’s because the team has known each other for so long they’ve learned to predict what they’d say. He isn’t sure.

You do your best to answer them before returning to your assigned tasks.

While Morgan normally makes jokes and teases, he switches his methodology with you for reasons Spencer can’t infer. Instead, he manages to include you in whatever he is doing if you’re within the vicinity. You respond in kind before quickly moving on. 

Jokes and teasing come soon.

In an attempt to naturally get to know you, JJ and Prentiss question you, not like interrogating of course but⎼from what Spencer overhears (he just happens to be within earshot, totally not eavesdropping)⎼sometimes when they border on personal, he notes your swift change in body language. Like they hit a switch: open to closed. And when you answer them, you never give more information than asked for, quick to redirect the conversation. He’s certain they notice as well, but they don’t push. 

Your gratitude is evident in the soft quirk of your lips.

To his chagrin, Spencer isn’t as bold as his friends. When you interacted with each other, it was by extension of the team starting it or on the job so mainly professional. He isn’t even sure why he finds it so hard to talk to you because it’s not like you’re intimidating. 

Okay, maybe just a little. 

But he won’t let that hinder him. You deserve your spot on the team, and, just like the rest of his team, Spencer wants to do his part in making you feel welcomed.

Which means he has to talk to you, and not just about work for once.

Unlike the rest of his team, however, Spencer has to build up courage, frustrating him more than he’d like to admit because sometimes he misses his chance. For example, this morning: you stood at the coffee maker, burying your face in a book as you waited for it to finish brewing. He recognized the cover immediately but when he opened his mouth to rant to you, he choked.

Spencer Reid choked. He never chokes, not when it comes to books. But the words died in his throat, not even making it past his lips. Never had the doctor been so baffled with himself. He scoured his memories for signs, anything that would justify his stumble, yet there was nothing that rationalized this occurrence. He didn’t have this problem before. At least... not with other coworkers.

He cleared his throat to try again, but, to his dismay, you filled your mug and left.

On the other hand, Garcia is the most upfront with you, which leaves Spencer simmering because he would give anything to have that kind of confidence. Although, he can tell the tech analyst’s friendly demeanor almost… annoys you? No, that’s not right. You don’t outwardly dismiss Garcia when she catches you, and when he says catch, he means catch, as in he witnessed you on multiple occasions going out of your way to avoid the colorful hacker.

A month has passed since you joined the BAU. As he arrives early that morning, Spencer spots you down the corridor, and normally that wouldn’t pique his interest, but the way your eyes sweep the halls in every direction is too much. He snorts, nearly spitting out his coffee.

Curious, Spencer trails after you; he slows his pace, careful to maintain distance so that he would be at the end of the hallway and you at the other. You eventually come to a halt, making him freeze mid-step. His heart drops to his stomach. Oh god, did you notice him following you? Of course you did. You actually completed the FBI fitness exams.

But you don’t turn to him. Instead, you press your back against the wall, and as you peek over the edge, he wordlessly makes his way over. His curiosity overrides any nerves. He leans to peer over your shoulder at whatever you’re tailing and…

Ah, he gets it now.

At the end of the hallway by the elevators, Garcia stands a vibrant Sphinx among a sea of dark pantsuits and white-collared button downs, tapping her foot as she waits. Spotting the (your favorite color) paper bag in her hand, he thinks it’s safe to assume it’s another attempt to get you to warm up to her. The tech analyst purses her lips, pulling up her watch.

“Come on, come on…” You mutter, your eyes flicking down at your own.

Spencer glances at you, unsure of what you are waiting for. A minute passes.

Then Garcia looks at her watch again, letting out a frustrated huff. The elevator dings open behind her, allowing her to trudge into the crowded metal box, and the second the door closes over her disappointed pout, you sigh in relief.

The word tumbles out of Spencer’s mouth before he even processes what he’s doing. “Morning.”

You shriek, whirling to face Spencer only to smack into his chest. Though he prides himself in the growth spurt he hit as a teenager, Spencer isn’t at all sturdy and buff as Morgan, so, despite your close proximity, you nearly knock him and his precious coffee over. Luckily, your reflexes are faster than his and you clasp the front of his vest, tugging him into you. He fumbles with his free hand, catching your elbow. “I’m so sorry!”

It takes a moment for you both to compose yourselves. Before Spencer can fully register your hand steadying his wrist, you step back. Something inside him deflates.

"Don't scare me like that," You press your hand over your heart as you start towards the elevator. He follows next to you.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help but watch the whole,” Spencer gestures at you with his coffee cup.

You groan, smashing the elevator button, “Alright, go ahead.”

“Go ahead with what?” His brow furrows. The elevator doors open, allowing you to enter. He hits the button for the BAU floor, and the doors shut with only you two, standing side by side.

“Tell me I’m a bad person, tell me I’m mean or whatever for dodging someone as nice as Garcia. I know you want to,” You grumble, not looking him in the eye.

“I don’t think that.”

The skeptical look you throw him makes him blurt out the words before they could get stuck in his throat. "I mean, it’s clear you don’t dislike Garcia. You give her your full attention whenever she's talking to you, you gratefully accept her gifts despite your obvious discomfort, which seems to spur her on by the way. Actually, you display similar mannerisms with everyone in the team⎼”

Your brows climb your forehead as Spencer digs himself further into the profile hole he made of you. He spills the numerous observations he mentally filed away, and as he rambles he finally understands how his coworkers, probably every person he’s ever rambled to, feel because oh god, now even he wants himself to shut up! Shit, what is he doing? Why? How to stop?

It’s one of those moments in life where words are out of his mouth before he realizes this is not the time or place⎼it certainly isn’t his place⎼ for this, to be profiling you the way he is doing right now.

Yet here we are.

In his head, he’s screaming but it’s too late, and when he finishes seconds later, there’s a beat of silence. You gawk at him. His eyes widen as his chest heaves; his heart pounds like it’s about to break out and escape.  

Then you glare at him, a playful gleam in your eyes. “You've been profiling me, Doc?” 

Oh god, let this elevator break down and drop him. Wait, no, that would kill you too. Fuck.

Spencer swallows, his face growing hot. He tells himself it’s because he just embarrassingly gave a near complete profile of you, unwarranted, definitely not because of the way you say his title. He could apologize⎼he should⎼but his mind blanks and anything else he has to say dies as his throat closes on him. He tugs at his collar, turning to face his pink reflection in the elevator doors.

To his relief, you chuckle, “Don’t worry, I’m not mad. Should've expected nothing less from a genius.” 

“Thank you?”

The doors open and you exit. Before you reach the glass doors, Spencer, biting his lip and unwilling to let the first real conversation he has had with you to end, gathers the remains of his confidence to tap your shoulder. You face him, your expression curious as you halt in front of the BAU headquarters.

Clutching the strap of his bag, he stammers, “Do… Do you want me to talk to Garcia? I mean, I won’t tell her we talked of course. I’ll make a suggestion or something⎼make it seem like it’d be her idea⎼I guess. Might help her tone it down, you know? For you?” He cringes at the last bit, his voice octaves higher than normal. God, what is he, thirteen? How he regrets his boldness. 

If you notice, you don’t mention it. Rather, you give him a onceover, and he tries not to squirm as your sharp eyes scan his face, his body language. You’re sizing up his character, profiling him the way he did with you. The difference is he had a month; you have a few seconds. “You’d do that for me?” You question softly.

Terrified his voice will betray him again, Spencer nods. 

“I⎼” You lick your lips, searching for the right words. Then you smile, a genuine smile, not the shy ones you offered to the team before. It's not awkward or polite. This is way better; your eyes crinkle, there's teeth, and Spencer squints, unsure whether to stare or grab his sunglasses in his satchel because wow, too bright. 

Both. He can totally do both.

I’d do a lot of things for you... as long it’s legal, a tiny voice in the back of his head admits. Spencer can’t bring himself to argue.

“I appreciate that.” Oh right, conversing. He shrugs. “No, really. I know that I’m being stupid and irrational⎼” He opens his mouth to protest. Social anxiety⎼any thing that makes you uncomfortable⎼ is most definitely not stupid. But you shake your head at him. “⎼No, I know I am, and I should get over it as quickly as possible but…” You trail off, glancing to the side.

Spencer follows your apprehensive gaze through the glass doors into the BAU headquarters. It’s early morning, people dawdling around the office, calmly going about their morning routine. It lacks the usual organized bustle as people stand in the corners and chat by the coffee machine, while others take calls or type at their laptops with an air of serenity. A rare, mellow day.

Before you can complete your sentence, Morgan speeds past you, bee-lining for the doors. “Sorry to interrupt, but we got a case!”

Spencer sighs. Spoke too soon.

You both follow behind him without question, leaving your thoughts unfinished, but Spencer catches the impish grin Morgan throws him over his shoulder. He curses under his breath, promises of his friend’s destruction on his lips. 

Just when he was starting to have an actual conversation with you.

Needless to say, eyebrows raise when he drags himself to the round table a couple seconds after you.

Author’s note: You can’t tell me that Reid pre-prison did NOT love action figures, figurines, LEGO models. He is a total nerd, it’s genetic.

So, I just started watching CM since it’s on Netflix. I now love this pipe cleaner with eyes. Can’t tell if I want to caress his lovely jaw or watch him squirm though...

I am basing this one(?)shot on how I get overwhelmed by friendly people. Not to say I don’t like Garcia, bc I love her, she’s one of my fav characters. But at the same time, thanks, I have mild social anxiety. I remember in my COLL 01 class, this guy was making an effort to socialize with our project group mates with invites to hang out together. I could not even. It was like the first day of class, like, chill, my guy.

Also, I‘m sad that I can’t imagine Reid with anyone that isn’t not interesting?? Sad bc I’m such an average person so when I project myself, it feels more unrealistic than it already is and hurts just a bit. I favor the idea of him being with like wild ppl, opposites attract, dumbass and smartass, badass and geek dynamics, stuff like that???

So, the reader’s back story is gonna be hella mysterious and stuff... ;P

And, I’m really into the idea of a Spencer Reid x Hunter!Reader. May try my hand at a CM x SPN crossover in the future. Only problem is that I haven’t finished SPN...

I’m accepting suggestions and ideas!!

Connecting (Bonding Part 2) is in masterlist!

[shutupanakin]

Wasting Your Time Ch.3

“Wh— what?” Tommy choked out, his voice hoarse from the lack of use all day.

The man rolled his eyes, as if he didn’t just ask a completely impolite question. “I said, do you have any booze?”

Tommy sat still. He reached into his jacket pocket, his hand finding only a plastic pen. Could he stab this man with a plastic pen?

Tommy pulled said piece of plastic out, visibly holding it up. “I have a pen.” Something about the bemused look on the man's face made Tommy click it, and again, repeatedly.

click click click click click click click click—

...

or; Tommy planned on dying. He meets Wilbur instead.

Chapter Summary: Tommy is wrong. Wilbur tries to teach him color theory.

cw for suicidal ideation

Tommy was not proven right.

In better words, his thesis, his argument, it was wrong. He was wrong, okay? He could admit that! He was wrong and Wilbur was right. Wilbur, him, and his stupid antithesis. Wilbur got the good grade, Wilbur got the pat on the shoulder from the teacher. Tommy got credit for participation. Tommy got a pity smile and a gold star sticker and a ‘good job! You tried!’

Tommy should be happy. He is happy! He talked to Tubbo and Ranboo. After they were all done with classes on Friday, because Tommy had waited that long— he talked, and they listened! They did!

“ Would you guys be happier if I— I don’t know. Stop hanging around you, or something?” He was picking at the thread, pulling it so tight he could feel it move the inside of his sleeve.

The answer he got? They said no. Ranboo was quiet, letting Tubbo babble. Then Ranboo would reword what Tubbo said, more coherently. And Tommy resisted his urge to just scream, because that was their dynamic. Of course it was! Tubbo was the controlled forest fire and Ranboo was damage control.

What Tommy did not expect was when he had pointed that out, his friends didn’t let him burn out like he thought they would. Tommy wasn’t the tree burning up, Tommy was the water that Ranboo was using to put it out.

They had hung out at Ranboo’s all weekend, after that. Sam was busy and couldn’t handle the noise, Tubbo’s dad worked nights and refused to leave the house to them alone. Ranboo’s cousin was cool about it, thank god. The guys' friends were fucking awesome, Tommy thought. The shorter American was telling him about Molotov Cocktails and one with the stupid fucking glasses tried to teach him and Tubbo some clutch in Minecraft.

Tommy wasn’t afraid to admit that he lost.

The train, as it always does, stops in front of him. Tommy didn’t hesitate this time, grabbing his seat at the back. There might have been more of a skip in steps this time, but no one he knew was there to point it out. The woman at the front promptly ignored him. He sat down, hands tucked firmly in his jacket pockets.

He did not doubt that Wilbur would show up this time. The man himself had indicated that he’d love being proven right. Tommy was willing to let him take this, to take this ego boost. Tommy knew when to admit that he was wrong— he was, okay?

“I like your pin.” Ranboo’s cousin said, passing him a coke from the fridge. “Smile. Nice.”

Tubbo looked at him, his eyes settled on Tommy’s jacket. He reached out, fabric gripping up in his hand. His thumb ran over the yellow and black pin. “Bee.” Tubbo tilted his head. “When did you get this?”

“Oh. Uh.” Tommy stuttered. “Uhm. Two weeks ago! There’s this cool shop a bit out that sells them.”

Tommy fiddled with the bee, adjusting the diagonal position it had fallen into. He didn’t tell Tubbo or Ranboo about Wilbur— he didn’t know how to explain it. How to explain him. He didn’t want to tell them what had led him to go to the train station in the middle of the night. That was a conversation that Tommy was simply not ready for, yet.

Wilbur was also eerie, and he was sure that only Tommy himself could deal with his weirdness for a whole night. He would probably psychoanalyze Tubbo and make him cry, or monologue to Ranboo and give him a breakdown. He’d keep them separated for a bit, Tommy decided.

When they pulled into their next stop, Tommy didn’t shut his eyes this time. He watched Wilbur come into view through the window. Wilbur entered swiftly, following behind a man that nabbed a seat in the front.

“Hello, fellow science experiment,” Wilbur grinned, placing himself down opposite Tommy. “I assume it went well?”

If Tommy was in a worse mood he would curse him out. “I’ll have you know, it went exceptionally well, Mr. Soot. I even walked here with a bit of pep in my step. I did that! Not you!”

“Of course you did, they were your words, I just gave you a motive.” Wilbur hummed.

Tommy scowled. There it was. “You’re a prick,”

“A correct prick.” Wilbur said. “So your friends took it well then?”

Tommy hesitated. “Well. You could say that? They’re trying, now. They’re listening. I’m not just hitting the pavement anymore. But we’re talking! And we spent the whole weekend at Ranboo’s!”

“So you are getting somewhere,” Wilbur concluded. Tommy nodded.

“It— it’s nice enjoying myself, hanging out with them. Ya know? Like it’s not a chore. It’s easy. I don’t have to zone out to be around them.”

They stopped. No one got on, the man remained at the front.

When Tommy was around them, he would have to do that. Zone out. Sometimes it wasn’t on purpose, other times he just found himself begging to just go, anywhere else, but he was too aware to go away, their voices were too loud and the air was too cold and Tommy couldn’t fucking breathe—

He didn’t feel that way all weekend.

Tommy didn’t feel trapped. He was in the present. He was in the present and he was happy. If not just for a few moments, Tommy was okay and he didn’t have to think about anything else.

“So it worked,” Tommy said. “It did! We’re working on it; this weekend was fucking great though. I know how to make a Molotov Cocktail now—“

“You what —“

“I didn’t actually make one,” Tommy emphasized. “I was just taught how! It’s quite easy actually! Ranboos' cousin, one of his friends just... it was a lot of vandalism advice.”

Wilbur groaned. “Please do not get arrested for vandalism. You need better influences.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Tommy waved him off. “don’t worry big man. Can’t come to see you if I’m arrested. Sam would also kill me. In cold blood. Dead, I would be dead as fuck, man.”

If Sam had to bail him out for something as stupid as setting something on fire, he would be so fucked. Oh, Sam was so fucking overbearing when he was paying attention, he would never hang out with Ranboo again. Or Tubbo for that matter. Sam would deadbolt his door closed. Tommy would never see the sun again. Screw prison, Sam would lock him up himself.

Tommy will not be doing that, thank you. If anyone offered to help him burn something down, he would certainly not be taking it.

They stopped. A woman got on, the clanking of her jewelry as she sat down echoing in Tommy’s ears.

“How am I a bad influence?” Wilbur enquired.

“HAH!” Tommy blurted. “Look at me! Mr. Soot! I go on trains in the middle of the night! I gamble with teenagers. I am suuuuuuch a good role model.”

“I do not gamble with teenagers!” Wilbur cried. “No money has been placed! I told you that!” Wilbur accused. “Also I am not the one telling you to blow stuff up.”

“ Memememememe — I said nothing about blowing anything up,” Tommy argued. “I was at most implying arson. I said absolutely nothing about exploding shit! That’s you!”

Wilbur slapped his hand against his forehead. “Oh, you insolent child!”

“Oh, you cryptic old man!”

Wilbur shot up. “Hey!”

“I hardly know anything about you,” Tommy retorted. “You— you could be a war criminal or something for all I know—“

“Do I look like a fucking war criminal to you?” Wilbur interrupted.

“... You could be!” Tommy exclaimed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Red. Answer the question.”

Wilbur groaned. “Blue. Used to be teal.”

“Why did it change?” Tommy pressed.

“There is not enough of it here,” Oh god, Tommy thought. Here we go. “The sky is cloudy. The water is gray. It is muted, it is drowning in black and white film instead of saturation. I wish there was more of it. Especially down here.” He longed, Tommy was exasperated.

“Wilbur, we are underground. Look at the graffiti.” Tommy deadpanned. “Or just go on Google man. Color blue— not everything needs to be a Greek tragedy.”

“That is not a natural blue,” Wilbur objected. “It is artificial! From a spray bottle, or on a screen!”

“I’ll bring you some flowers or something, okay?” Tommy snapped. “You’ll get your fucking blue.”

“I will sneeze on you.”

Tommy hit the side of the seat. “You will not!”

Wilbur made a face, rearing his head back. “A—a— ACCHOO. Like that. But you will not be expecting it.”

“Fuck you! And your blue!” Tommy exclaimed, Wilbur cackled.

“And why do you like the color red so much then?”

There was no special reason as to why Tommy enjoyed red. When teachers asked in primary school he gave it as a response, no deep or intricate thought attached to it. That was the difference between him and Wilbur. Everything Wilbur did and said seemed to have some sort of deep thought attached to it, everything he said was planned out, and said carefully.

Tommy was decidedly not that.

Tommy existed in the moment and Wilbur existed around it, quietly observing. Whispering. Taking notes.

“No reason,” Tommy shrugged. “It’s just kinda nice. Loud.”

“Like you.” Wilbur teased.

Tommy groaned, hitting the back of his head against the glass. “Stop patronizing me! I’m done doing color theory with you!”

“Oh I can do color theory—“

Tommy put his hands out, gesturing for him to stop. “No, no. Please do not. I’m begging you. I can only handle so much of your monologues.”

Wilbur scoffed. “My ‘monologues’ are fantastic, I will have you know.”

“You should write songs,” Tommy said. “You’re a right emo; you— you— you could take all that messed up shit up there,” Tommy pointed. “and make stuff. I dunno.”

“I mean I used to,” Wilbur breathed. “not anymore though.”

“Why not?” Tommy pushed.

“Have not felt like it.” He said simply. “No fun in doing it anymore. Can not even sing to anyone.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed. “That’s shit,” he grumbled.

“Poor me, having to exist being friendless!” Wilbur sighed. Tommy knew he was being dramatic, but it still made Tommy glare.

“Hey!” Tommy objected. “I’m your friend!”

“That just makes me sad,” Wilbur groaned, rubbing his face. “we are friends?”

“ Nooo,” Tommy drawled. “I only meet mere acquaintances on the tube line in the middle of the night.”

“You came back here because of our deal,” Wilbur pointed out. Tommy’s brows creased, because technically he was right. To be proven right, to be proven wrong, that’s why he kept coming here. Some sort of odd mutual trust and genuine curiosity enabled Tommy to keep coming back.

Sam might call it a lack of self-preservation.

And he wouldn’t be wrong, sneaking out in the middle of the night, to a tube station, alone, to meet a practical stranger was in every right dangerous. The first time Wilbur had stumbled into the seat across from him, Tommy couldn’t bring himself to care about that part, the danger. If Wilbur had mugged him then and there it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Once again, the thought of not seeing Wilbur again was bothering Tommy. Did Tommy want to make another deal? To continue this odd tradition? Tommy felt, alright. Kinda. He was happy. This was a good weekend. His classes yesterday were bearable, the overwhelming feeling to pull his hair out was muffled under the warmth in his chest.

Did feeling better mean he would never see Wilbur again? Surely they could keep doing this. Just a... check-up.

“You should play again,” Tommy suggested. “if not for anyone else, then just for yourself ya know?”

“Do you play anything?” Wilbur asked.

“I know piano,” Tommy thought. He hadn’t played said instrument in a bit. He had a keyboard that sat in his closet collecting dust. He hadn’t taken it out since he moved into the flat with Sam. “I haven’t played it in a while. Too much noise.”

Their stop was coming, Tommy realized. Tommy hit his leg awake, standing up. “Guess we will dive into that later,” Wilbur said. Tommy shook his head.

“No, no,” Tommy was going to put a stop to that right now. “I’m not you. There’s no deep, depressing reason. I just don’t play anymore. Stop psyche evaluating me, or whatever the fuck you people call it.”

“Alright, alright.” Wilbur said lightly. Taking the lead as Tommy followed him out. “Are you still going to get pins?” Tommy hummed an ‘mm-hmm’ in response.

“I like the pins,” Tommy confirmed. “Do you want anything?”

Wilbur shrugged him off. “Nah,” He waved. “Knick knacks, I would have no use for that. Nowhere to put them.”

“Are you homeless?” Okay, that was a bit rude, Tommy would admit. But that slipped, alright? “Because that would explain a lot actually.”

“ No,” Wilbur said immediately. “I have a house, Tommy.” He groaned in exasperation. “Believe it or not, I can exist in different places other than a tube station. ”

“No, but it makes sense! Every time I see you you’re wearing the same shit!”

“It is my Tuesday jumper,” Wilbur defended. “I already told you that.”

“ It is my Tuesday jumper .” Tommy mocked. “Fuck you. You don’t have a house.”

They stopped outside the glowing Jack Of All Trades sign.

“Get something cool this time. Like an orca.” Wilbur suggested as Tommy pushed open the glass door, Tommy mumbling a ‘will do’.

Jack leaned over the counting, scrolling through his phone. His eyes met Tommy as he strolled further into the shop. “Hello again!” He put his phone down on the counter. “I was wonderin’ if you were gonna show up.”

“It’s become a habit,” Tommy said, reaching into the bowl.

“What’s ya name again?” Jack enquired.

Oh, Tommy realized. “Tommy,” He answered. He took the blood-orange-flame-shaped pin in his hand, placing it on the glass counter.

“You’re gonna run me out of pins,” Jack joked, sliding the pounds over to the register.

“You’re gonna run me broke,” Tommy joked back. He clipped the pin in, securing it. “Bye Jack!”

Jack waved as Tommy pushed out the door. Wilbur stood waiting for him, raising his eyebrow as Tommy showed him the new pin. “You did not get an orca,” Wilbur pointed, disappointed.

“He didn’t have any orcas, big dubs. Is that why you got banned?” Tommy asked, turning backward as he walked in front of Wilbur. “He didn’t have any orca merch? Is that it, Wilbur? Have I cracked the mystery yet?”

“Nope!” Tommy’s excitement visibly dropped. “Good guess! Still wrong.”

“ Ughhhh, ” Tommy groaned, kicking a stone. “Fuck you, man. Just tell meee,” Tommy begged.

“No,”

“Please.”

“Still no.”

“Did you steal something?”

“No.”

“Did you kill his mother?”

“ What ?!— Tommy, no!”

“Are you a felon, Wilbur?”

“Let me stop you while you are ahead,” Wilbur said. “The answer is no, no, and no. To everything.”

Fuck you, Tommy thought. He didn’t like not knowing things. He’d figure it out. He would drop it for now, because this clearly wasn’t getting anywhere, but he’ll make Wilbur slip. He will! He just needs to catch him off guard. He could do that! Outsmarting Wilbur would be a feat, an accomplishment.

“I’ll figure it out, you watch,” Tommy grumbled.

“Good luck with that Toms,” Wilbur hummed.

“I don’t need luck,” Tommy stated. “Just my big brain.”

“You do have a big head,” Okay, that was mean, Tommy thought.

“That was unnecessarily rude,” Tommy stated. “I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, Wilbur. My self-esteem. It’s ruined.”

“Oh come on,” Wilbur retorted. “I have a big forehead. Look.” Wilbur lifted the curly bangs that framed the front of his face.

“Oh no,” Tommy cried. “Don’t do that, please. My eyes! I can’t stare directly at it!”

Wilbur fixed his hair, chuckling. “My jumper buddy used to call me Forehead-Bur.”

Tommy snickered. “Jumper buddy sounds cool.”

“He really is not. He is a real loser.”

“Like you?” Tommy chortled.

Wilbur scoffed. “Shut it!”

When they got to the station, two women were standing together on the platform. Tommy nodded politely while Wilbur simply ignored them. When it had pulled in, Tommy trailed Wilbur to the back. The two women had sat down at the front.

“Got any plans for this week?” Wilbur asked, Tommy shrugged.

“Got a test Thursday. That’s about it.” Tommy thought. “I think Tubbo wanted to go to the mall Friday, dunno. I’ll have to text him.”

It would be the next time that Tommy would see him; his, Ranboo’s and Tubbo’s schedules made it difficult to see each other during the week. Tommy was no longer actively avoiding them now, though. Maybe Tommy could set up a game of Pub G, or CSGO.

He was starting to feel guilty for blowing them off, actually. Tommy would have to make up for that. He didn’t really regret coming to see Wilbur, he couldn’t. If Tommy was given the choice between playing a first-person shooter game on a Tuesday night with them versus… this…

Tommy knew what he would choose.

They stopped. No one on or off.

“You have anything planned?” Tommy asked.

Wilbur did not look like he was expecting to be asked. “Hmm,” He wondered. “Might go see my dad. Been a bit.”

Tommy did not know why that had shocked him so much. A father! Everyone had a father, Tommy knew that alright? That was completely logical.

Wilbur had just, given off the feeling of someone who didn’t have anyone. Wilbur was a feather floating in the wind. Tommy supposed that feather had to come from a bird then, perhaps it was missing it.

“You should bring your dad something,” Tommy said, shaking off the frown.

“Like what?”

“Like— like a snowglobe or something man, I don’t fucking know. Flowers!”

“He likes birds,” Wilbur thought aloud.

“Chicken,” Tommy decided.

“ No,”

“Chicken,” Tommy repeated. “You gotta let me know how that goes next time.”

“Next time?”

Oh.

They stopped. The two women left, the brunette left quickly while the blonde frowned at him.

Tommy forgot that they hadn’t even thought of another deal yet. Did they need that at this point? Couldn’t Tommy just show up and trust that Wilbur would be there, deal in the air or not?

“I... I—I think I want to keep doing this?” Tommy admitted, pulling at his hair. “Showing up. And talking, to you, ya know? I enjoy it. I keep thinking like, what deal, what bet this time we could make again. And nothing comes up.”

“You want another deal?

“Do you?” Tommy asked, genuinely. “I don’t… I don’t want to make you feel like you have to come back here.”

They stopped. A small group got on, this time kids around Tommy’s age holding bottles wrapped in brown bags.

Wilbur thought for a moment, like he was mewling over his next words carefully. “As long as you need me, we can keep doing this,” Wilbur said softly.

Catharsis, there it was. Tommy swallowed. “Okay. We can do that.” It was another deal, in all technicality. An extended one at that. Conditional.

But Tommy was relieved from that pressure of not knowing if there will be a next time. Because now he knows for sure there will be! And another after that!

Wilbur might have started as a buffer to what Tommy considered the inevitable, a simple delay. Despite the serotonin high that he had for the past few days, Tommy hadn’t forgotten about Wilbur. He hadn’t forgotten about why he met him in the first place.

Did he want to anymore?

Tommy didn’t have an answer, apparently.

That’s why he needed these meetings with Wilbur to continue, they got him to the end of the week, they got him through his current problems. He helped him fix his relationship with Tubbo and Ranboo. Maybe Tommy wanted to figure out what he could solve before he left. What he fixes— then he’ll decide.

He’d make up his mind then.

Because was Tommy’s decision to make, not Wilbur’s. Not Sam’s, not Tubbo’s, not Ranboo’s. His. He knew that. Alright! Tommy knew that.

They stopped. The loud group got off.

Tommy eyed them as they left. “It looks like you asked the wrong teenager for booze,”

Wilbur cackled, his boisterous laugh filling the now mostly empty train car. “I had forgotten I did that,” He giggled, wiping away at his eye.

“I didn’t!” Tommy pointed. “Man, I thought you were going to stab me. Or demand for my wallet. Or both.”

“You thought I was going to mug you?”

“You asked me for booze!”

“I was breaking the ice!”

“You break the ice by asking for alcohol ?”

“Yeah! You looked miserable. I thought you could use a good laugh.”

“I didn’t,” Tommy said. “I clicked a pen at you. I was prepared to stab you with that in case you were a wrongun.”

“Oh no, ink poisoning,” Wilbur dismayed. “What will I do?”

“Go to the ER,” Tommy replied. “But you’re probably banned from that too.” Wilbur was silent. Tommy had meant that as a joke. “Wilbur…”

“It is a long story,”

“Oh my god.”

“It is!”

“Geez man,” Tommy rubbed his temple. “And you scold me for making jokes about Molotov Cocktails!”

“They are mini bombs.”

“And you’re not allowed in places in half of England!”

“I did not set anything ablaze, Tommy,” Wilbur said, rising. His stop was next. The night was coming to an end. “Try not to get arrested between now and next week.”

There it was, his confirmation. “No promises big man!” The train was stopping. “Try to stop pissing people off!”

“See you, Tommy!” Wilbur stepped out, not looking back at Tommy.

When they moved again, Tommy startlingly realized that he was alone. Just him. Two weeks ago, Tommy would’ve killed for this. He would’ve died for this.

Tommy sat alone, and the flashing markers of the tunnel were too bright and the rumbling, vibrating feeling of the tube going at its ungodly speed was nauseating because Tommy should’ve been—

He could’ve been—

Tommy shook his head. Squeezing his eyes shut. He could drown out the lights. He was okay. He was alone, and that was okay. It didn’t matter. Being alone didn’t make a difference. Nothing changed. The time of the night was really starting to become very prominent to Tommy. He wanted to go home and just sleep. Tommy checked his phone, no new messages other than some old Instagram notifications.

When his stop came up, he practically bounced up and sprinted off of the train, pushing past a concerned-looking ginger woman. He was up the steps before the train could even pull out.

Tommy was alive for right now, and he was okay with that.

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[neon-junkie]

unpopular opinion: Micah is terrible but he shows instances of having real, human emotions and completely erasing those moments to paint him as a 100% monster is a disservice for the fandom.

arrrrkajslkfjdsglk okay I'm gonna break Micah down and explain why I like him, just bc of everything going on and cause you've summed that up perfectly. Let's make one thing clear - I don't stan his actions, I never have, I never will. A lot of ppl seem to keep ignoring that lmfao. AND we all know that Micah is a fucking piece of shit. He's the devil. We know. Like the list goes on and on and on when it comes down to why Micah's garbage, but I guarantee you, there is NOBODY out there who actually *stans* him. He's a villain and damn good one. Now. Relating to what you've said, this man has just as much emotion as everybody else. I think the people who view him as an emotionless monster have either never seen ANY camp interactions with him, or they just choose to ignore them. For whatever reason. Idk. It is VERY obvious that Micah has 100% been abused by his father, probably physically as well as mentally and emotionally. He openly talks about the monster that his father is, and he KNOWS that he is just like his father. Now, Amos (his bro), on the other hand, has managed to break away from that lifestyle, straighten his ways, and settled down. Micah is so obviously jealous and even takes the time to write to his brother, probably to try and rekindle their sibling friendship or whatever you wanna call it. Amos basically goes 'NO' and slaps that idea right out of Micah's head, so I do feel bad that Micah was rejected. Amos makes it clear that he will only rekindle that if Micah changes, but he doubts Micah is able to change. So now his only 'role models' are gone - his father and Amos - Micah has nothing left to lose. He has no family, friends that encourage his chaos rather than help fix him, and no partner. He's a loose cannon, and without guidance, Micah will only continue to fire. That's why he sucks up to Dutch so much, because he STILL needs acceptance, praise, and guidance, and Dutch gives him all of that. Yeah, it's creepy to see, but that man must be dying inside if he'll literally lick Dutch's shoes just for a bit of acceptance. Micah clearly does try, like his approach to making friends is so cringe, but he's clearly never ever done this before, and he's only following the ways his father taught him. I mean, we see him still try to befriend Arthur at the start of the game, but Arthur barely looks at him and just continues to shoot him down. I know Arthur is probably following his gut, but people can't say that Micah didn't try. And we see him try it on with the women of the camp, he's clearly desperate to at least find a partner, and probably secretly jealous that his brother has that and a family. And if his brother can do it, then maybe he can too? and we do see him try. But Micah's no rapist, and it makes me cringe when ppl say that. There's a good post about it (here) that I won't go into detail, u can just read that for urself. So - Micah has nothing to lose. The camp doesn't want him there, so it's no sweat off his nose if he rats them out. Obviously, I don't agree with it and I think Micah should have just left, but then that'd be a very boring game lmfao.  There's nobody stopping him from causing chaos, and he's just going to continue to do what he was taught to do - be a fucking piece of shit. But to say he has no emotions? You sure about that? It's SO obvious that Micah still craves acceptance in any form, whether it's from a friend, a partner, his mentor, etc. He NEEDS acceptance and he seems very lost without it. And it's so clear that Micahs past trauma still controls his actions, and he clearly has no idea how to even begin accepting and moving past his trauma. That man just needs a therapist asap. Peter Blomquist said it himself, that Micah is essentially just misunderstood. (here) And well, if his own actors said that then why the hell do people continue to ignore it? Because they just want to hate Micah. They view him as an evil and racist piece of shit and just want to hate that, which everybody does cause yanno, it's bad. But they continue to ignore that Micah, like Bill, suffers from a lot of mental trauma and issues, and his past has resulted in the person that he is today. I’ll say this AGAIN, I’m not condoning his actions, far from it, I’ve said many times before that Micah is fucking garbage, we just find him interesting. Honestly, I think if the gang was accepting, or if Micah had someone to shove him in the right direction, then he would have redeemed himself and fixed his ways. Things like racism are taught, and if you can teach it, then you can unteach it, just like Bill begins to learn. Micah is a villain and that's why I like him. Again, I don't support or stan his actions, but it's just so refreshing to see someone so chaotic and loose. People saying that you shouldn't like Micah because he's racist, also choose to ignore the fact that Abigails abusive, so why do y'all still stan her when we see the way she speaks to John? or the way she physically abuses him? So abuse is fine but racism isn't? hmm.  But if we shouldn't like Micah because he's bad then why the hell do we like characters like Darth Vader or all the fucking Disney villains? Have you seen how much merch those criminals have? But a bunch of strangers on the internet having a wank over the ratman is bad? We're allowed to enjoy those but not Micah? big sigh. Peter also said that there's nothing wrong with liking Micah. You're allowed to enjoy villains, it's not a fucking crime, and it doesn't mean you support their actions, it never has done.

PLUS, this is a game full of mass murderers?!?! Arthur does a LOT that is considered questionable, such as beating a terminally ill man into his grave, but people choose to draw the line at Micah. You’re free to enjoy whatever fiction you want, but there’s no line you can draw. Well, you can draw a line for yourself, but you can’t rule what others can and cannot enjoy.

It's just SO tiring (personally) to constantly see happy endings and pure, wholesome, golden characters. I'm a sucker for bad guys and seeing them win, so when I played RDR I was like 'oh yeah, this is what I need' and that's probably why Micah's my fave lmao. It's so refreshing to see, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. Some people just enjoy villains, big whoop. We need to stop expecting characters to be pure cause that's just so unrealistic. Everybody has flaws of all different kinds, and that's what makes these characters human. Like, are we just choosing to ignore the fact that Arthur is the most wanted out of the gang, who has probably murdered the most people? Do we just wanna sweep his kill count under the rug and choose to hate Micah based on the one fact of him being racist? The whole fucking gang are outlaws, they're all essentially villains, even the babies like Kieran!! Micah is just as complex as every other character in this stinky game, and people who refuse to acknowledge his layers and just portray him as a monster are whack as shit. And remember, those who tell you what you can and can't enjoy are just as bad as Micah Bell himself. Especially the ones who abuse you over FICTION.

[thecottageinthedark]

Sorting Persona 4

Here again with another Sorting Hat Chats post! This one’s for Persona 4. Full disclaimer; this is based just on the game, not the anime. Also it’s behind a cut cause it is LONG. And has spoilers.

The system I’m using is explained here by @wisteria-lodge.

The Persona 4 MC, whose name is either Souji Seta or Yu Narukami depending on which supplemental materials you go by, is a really REALLY loud Badger secondary. His power is based on making Social Links with NPCs and shifting to become whatever they need-and also on patiently grinding to level up his attributes. And because he lives so much in this secondary-plus the fact that on a meta level he’s kind of a stand-in for the player-his Primary is hard to see.

But where it gets revealed in the end is the decisive moment when the ending you’re going to get is decided. The Investigation Team have discovered that Namatame’s been putting people into the TV, and thus are assuming he’s the murderer-and it’s become horribly personal, because one of the people he did that to was Nanako, and even though she’s been rescued, she’s deathly ill thanks to the TV World’s poison.

And now you-and the MC-have a choice. The IT are baying for Namatame’s blood, ready to kill. One Badger Primary method would be to appeal to the fact that he’s a person, you can’t just kill people….but nobody’s listening. Another would be to dehumanise him and say, he’s a murderer, he needs to die for the sake of everyone-going along with all the fury of the group. A Lion would lash out too-less because everyone’s doing it and more from their own gut feeling, but that would still lead to dead Namatame. A Snake might kill Namatame because he hurt Nanako...or, in the Golden remake, if they’ve done Adachi’s social link, they might cover for him. Either way, they’d be prioritising an inner circle member.

And all of those get you bad endings. Especially the Snake choice to cover for Adachi.

What gets the good ending, the happy ending where the MC is fulfilled and at peace, is to ignore all the emotion that’s running so high, and order everyone to step back and take time to think about whether the theory of Namatame being the killer makes sense. Pounce on the niggling little detail that doesn’t fit, and realise that the assumption everyone is labouring under isn’t true. And then prioritise the actual truth over personal loyalties or emotional reactions.

Bird Primary.

Because of course. This is a detective story. Your party are called both the Investigation Team and the Seekers of Truth. Even the title song hints at it; find the truth (Bird) by getting together with others (Badger).

Yosuke Hanamura’s a young, immature Snake Primary at game start, with the selfishness typical to that. His Shadow throws that back in his face, and he realises he doesn’t like being an asshole whose secret gut reaction to murders happening is ‘well at least I’m not bored anymore now something is happening in this dead-end town’.

So he does two things pretty much at the same time; he widens his inner circle to let in first Souji and then the rest of the IT, and he adds a model on top to let him care about things outside that circle. I think it’s a Lion model-a young Lion, just like his Snake, that edges into Glory Hound, but keeps hold of the idea that you should do certain things because they’re just right.

(It’s not based on the MC, though the MC is undoubtedly his most important person, who he even calls his partner. But then, as I said, the MC’s Bird is very quiet, so it’d be hard for Yosuke to perceive it well enough to mimic it. I think it’s actually based on Chie, who is after all the inner circle member he has known longest!)

And his secondary? Yosuke’s a support guy. He lifts his friends up. His family run Junes, and he leverages that connection to create a base location for the IT and secure a portal into the TV world that’s big enough to be usable. When Teddie comes to the human world, it’s Yosuke who gives him a place to stay. He’s a Badger secondary, and again, this makes perfect sense. The Lover sorting. No wonder so much of the fandom ships him with the MC.

Chie Satonaka is LOUD and BRASH and if you are a jerk she will KICK YOU IN THE FACE. She is so goddamn Lion Secondary, and utterly unapologetic about it.

Her primary, I think, is Lion again. The reason she has gotten possessive of Yukiko (as her Shadow calls her out on) isn’t that she wants Yukiko to be just hers-it’s that she wants to be Yukiko’s knight. Saving the princess is actually a textbook Lion cause. It lets her feel heroic and brave.

But that’s not good for either of them. Damsel in distress is a shitty role, one that doesn’t allow Yukiko to be strong and capable herself, and Chie pushing Yukiko into that role is really straining their relationship. It’s also something that Chie herself knows is wrong-that’s why her Shadow accuses her of it. (“I am a Shadow, the true self...”)

So instead Chie changes gears, because oh look a new Cause just popped up! Find the killer and bring them to justice! And on top of that, there’s always sexist prats to kick.

Yukiko Amagi models Badger Primary, because it’s expected of her. Running an inn is a really Badger kind of job. She also models Badger Secondary, for the same reasons. She feels this is who she’s meant to be; sweet, gentle, socially adept, community-focused and hard-working. The traditional Japanese ideal of womanhood.

But it chafes. The weight of societal expectations feels crushing. She doesn’t want to do stuff just because she’s meant to, because people think she should. She’s an Internal Primary, and needs to follow the voice of her own heart.

And where that heart leads her...is back to the Amagi Inn, except now she’s decided that she’s doing this for herself. She needed to feel that she could actually choose to not inherit the inn, before she could realise that she wanted to run it. She’s a Snake Primary, and the inn is important to her because it’s hers.

Her secondary...actually I get the feeling she’s like Toph Beifong of Avatar, a Snake who likes to spend most of her time in neutral. She is delightfully quirky and weird, and owns that, but she doesn’t charge like a Lion and she’s comfy with wearing masks when the situation calls for it.

Kanji Tatsumi panics at the idea that he might be gay, and caretakes like a boss, and that might look at first sight like a Double Badger who’s scared that he might be one of the people he’s used to dehumanising. His Shadow screams that it wants to be accepted...but what calms it is when Kanji himself accepts it, and says that this resolution is about being true to himself. Kanji’s a Double Lion who burnt his primary because being given shit for the feminine, queer-coded parts of himself made him lose faith in his internal compass, worrying that it was leading him somewhere that he viewed as bad. Internalised homophobia’s a bitch of a thing.

Accepting his Shadow is the start of Kanji healing his primary-letting go of shame for being an oddball and telling the world to go fuck itself if it thinks it can make him conform. He does model Badger Secondary-as I said, he caretakes like a boss-but that’s more a thing he does as a gift to others. When it comes to solving problems, he charges in swinging, ready to beat up anyone from biker gangs to otherworldly monsters.

Rise Kujikawa is a cheerful, shameless Snake Primary, loving and ambitious. She became an idol to make friends, and enjoys the fame it gets her. And when she needs to take a break for the sake of her mental health, she has no compunctions about doing so.

But she needed that break because the idol life was stressing her out-unsurprisingly, it’s a really intense life. And the particular problem she had was to do with the conflicting expectations the public has of celebrities. Perfection is demanded...but so is authenticity.

Rise realised that she was face-shifting as an integral part of her career, and this knowledge sent her into a tailspin. The fans don’t like the real Rise Kujikawa-they like Risette. But who is the real Rise Kujikawa? She doesn’t know! It’s frightening! What if she’s just made of smoke and mirrors? How does she find out what’s underneath?

And the answer she comes to is that there is no real Rise Kujikawa...which is the same as saying that there is no false one. Rise is Risette is Rise, it’s all just her, adapting to the context as she needs to. She’s a Badger Secondary, and the act of performance is the true self.

And for her, that’s a good answer-it brings her peace. But now we need to talk about Teddie.

Because just hearing Rise say ‘there’s no real me’ sends Teddie into a Shadow crisis right there.

He completely fucking loses it. He’s a denizen of the TV world-he’s been immune to it all this time, never manifesting a Shadow, but this is what breaks him. And that just screams Bird Lion. It’s his Buzz Lightyear moment-or rather his first Buzz Lightyear moment, because there are two. This is the first, and he survives it by retreating into his Secondary. It allows him to bring Shadow Teddie under control...but this isn’t sustainable. He’s realised something terrible and can’t avoid that knowledge indefinitely.

And soon enough he admits it to himself (and to the MC). He is a Shadow, that somehow became self-aware. His Truth was never true. He can’t handle it, he has no idea how to even exist, and he outright tells the MC that he intends to commit suicide.

He recovers, though-and he does so because the MC tells him Nanako survived. That’s the first thing that gives him a glimmer of hope, because his Truth already had some Snakey elements in there about chosen people and ambitions. He comes back from the brink, reshapes his system to centre those Snake principles, and returns to the side of his friends.

Lastly, Naoto Shirogane, our other queer-coded character. (I’m using she pronouns for the sake of canon here-but I’m a firm believer in nonbinary Naoto, for the record.) I think she’s a Bird secondary-the only one of those here, jeez. She’s just so analytical. She’s a rapid-fire Bird too, Detective Prince working on a case, squarely in the middle of her comfort zone. But push her out of it-into a normal teenager social situation, say-and watch her squirm!

She has a Bird Primary performance, too. But performance is the operative word here. She’s trying to look adult and smart and collected, in order to be taken seriously by the police officers she works with. And she is smart, mind you, but that’s not the why of her though it is the how. It’s not Naoto who goes ‘wait, let’s think about this, we need more information’ at the crucial point, but the MC, who really is a Bird Primary. Naoto was the one to suggest doing a little vigilante justice vis-a-vis murdering Namatame.

Her real Primary is Lion. Being a detective is a Cause for her, not a Truth, and she is blazingly certain of her own sense of what’s right-so much so that she doesn’t stop and check it against other people’s. And she inspires people! She doesn’t even mean to, and certainly doesn’t know why, but she is just so cool that people flock to her and admire her. ‘The Detective Prince’ is, when you think about it, a really Lion Bird kind of title!

Her Shadow has two issues with her. First, it harps on the gender angle. Hey, self, there’s that thing about your identity that you’ve been refusing to think about! You need to go poke at it! And then it breaks down into a scared child. Self, your performance is eating you alive. You need to do it, yes, the Cause demands it, but you also need to be able to stop sometimes and let yourself have emotions!

In short:

MC/Souji/Yu: Bird primary, Badger secondary

Yosuke: Snake primary, Badger secondary, models Lion primary

Chie: Lion primary, Lion secondary

Yukiko: Snake primary, Snake secondary, with Badger primary and secondary models that start out pretty unhealthy for her. 

Kanji: Lion primary that starts out burnt and begins to unburn after his Shadow fight, Lion secondary. Models Badger secondary.

Rise: Snake primary, Badger secondary

Teddie: Bird primary, Lion secondary. Falls dramatically and recovers by shaping his system to be more Snakelike.

Naoto: Lion primary, Bird secondary, performs Bird primary

[samantha7337]

DATING GEORGE WEASLEY WOULD INCLUDE: ◾ Let’s get something super clear here, George is the more sensitive of the twins, which he never forgets thanks to his fabulous twin Fred who continuously brings it up. ◾ You’re either a companion within regards to their ideas for pranks or just in the prank itself, there is simply no in between. They’ve either slyly convinced you to fully commit to their life of cheeky crime or you’ve made it clear to them that you’re not willing to be completely responsible. And you know what? George and Fred love you for it. ◾ Unfortunately, you had to go through a ‘trial period’ at first with Fred, to ensure that you were good enough for his brother; which George, in the slightest bit, wasn’t too keen on, because he didn’t want you scared off and found it all a bit unnecessary. ◾ But you managed to pass, so it’s all just left in the past. ◾ Consistent teasing from Fred about how the both of you are so in love. ◾ “Oi, get a room not all of us can handle your love bird syndrome.” ◾ “Awe looks at the two love birds!” ◾ “You know Georgie, (Y/N)-” ◾ “Shut your mouth Fred, before I end you!” ◾ Always having thought that George was the more attractive of the twins. ◾ George having an immense soft spot for you, which Fred never misses the opportunity to point out lavishly. ◾ Protective asf George. ◾ Like, you won’t get to do anything that puts you even in the slightest of dangers. ◾ The shitter thing is that Fred will back him up 110%. ◾ But you somehow do it anyways, which means George ain’t too happy. ◾ Due to George being more emotional than Fred, I can definitely see him ranting to you about Umbridge or how Malfoy always puts his family down. You and Fred are usually the only ones able to calm him down so he won’t commit murder or any other unspeakable act. ◾ Sending notes in class, which leads the pair of you into detention, but George already had detention anyways. ◾ He’s excited about detention with you because he get’s to spend more time with you. ◾ When he get’s in detention you tend to get annoyed at him as you guys don’t always get to spend much time with each other alone, - especially if you’re in another house -. ◾ George won’t give a single damn about your blood status or what house you’re in, he cares about you for the person that you are and what brilliant qualities and quirks you have. ◾ With that noted, if you’re in another house, he’s gonna sneak you into the Gryffindor common room no matter how much you reprimand him. ◾ You sneak him into yours. ◾ Pranking each other lightly ( you not so much bc George hates making you upset). fucking softie. ◾ Fred and George learning the hard way not to prank you so much or too badly or at all really. ◾ Tender forehead kisses and long, warm cuddles that extend for hours on end. ◾ George is just a mega dork around you. ◾ Intertwined fingers and walks in the autumn leaves. ◾ Eyes lighting up with brilliant ideas. ◾ Silent communication, just a look in each others eyes will do. ◾ You’re stuck with Fred now too. Sorry it’s in their contract. ◾ The dork will definitely boop your nose if you’re sad or angry. ◾ He’s always making you smile, laugh and blush, which is just the way he likes it. ◾ Hates it when you’re in a bad mood or sad, he’ll do anything to get that grin back on your face. ◾ In private George will totally say more mushy stuff, he already get’s teased enough from Fred as it is. ◾ The pair of you never shut up about each other, everyone’s sick of it now. ◾ He twirls the end of your hair around his fingers, breathing about how soft and perfect it is. ◾ He’s romantic af. ◾ This boy will protect you and give you everything, okay? ◾ Deep meaningful hugs. BEAR HUGS! ◾ Dates that’re usually simple, but he always finds a way to make them sooo special so you won’t forget. ◾ Pretends to forget important dates with you so that he can get a little rise out of you before he kisses your nose or your mouth and tells you to shut up because he’s not that much of a brain dead git to forget your anniversary. ◾

Unlimited comfort. ◾ Being protective of him. ◾ Him throwing major hands when a guy flirts with you or when anyone hurts you. ◾ Inviting you to The Burrow every holiday. ◾ His family, - especially his parents -, loving you totally. You’ve suddenly been adopted by them without any consent, but you don’t mind tbh. ◾ Molly and Arthur constantly ask about you, they’ve sent you a Weasely sweater, but you still steal George’s. ◾ Helping Arthur understand muggle stuff and concepts better. ◾ George and Fred switching places, but it never fools you. Originally you got cross, but then began playing with them. ◾ Him and his family loving you for you and not focusing on your gender, race, sexuality, beliefs, etc. They’re always so accepting of you that it makes you sob. ◾ Sneaking into his room late at night when staying at The Burrow just for cuddles. Fred doesn’t mind as long as he can tease the shit out of you guys and also that there’s no funny business. ◾ Him giving you free stuff from his shop, but you insist on paying him back with kisses. ◾ “I think I’m going to spew.” ◾ “Oh come on, Freddie! You love a bit of romance around.” ◾ “Yeah, but not when your tongues down (Y/N)’s throat, you git.” ◾ The banter is real mate. ◾ George being really intelligent, which surprises you but he helps you with your homework constantly. ◾ Helping him at the shop. more like distracting. ◾ Jump scaring tf out of you. ◾ Taking care of one another and treating each other with the utmost respect and love. ◾ You’ve definitely been caught by everyone at The Burrow when making out. The worst has to be Molly, she’ll give a long lecture that embarrasses the pair of you. ◾ When you cuddle with George in his room, Fred’s got to be clingy and join in. ◾ George buying you sweets. ◾ Breathy sweet nothings and husky morning voices. ◾ Honestly every day you wake up at The Burrow, George will always point out how adorable and sleepy you are. ◾ Fred and George teach you Quidditch, you’re not very good at it yet, which Fred teases you about, but George is always encouraging you. ◾ An immense about of fluff and happiness. ◾ Wiping away your tears and kissing it better. ◾ Being picked up and thrown over his shoulder bc it’s just George. ◾ Being Ginny’s role model, she loves you so much and everyone is so happy about it. ◾ George just gushes over you all of the time. ◾ Moving in with the twins in the small apartment above their joke shop. ◾ A cheeky, “Morning,” and wink from Fred every time you come out of your bedroom followed by George with messy hair and love bites. ◾ Aimless invisible patterns drawn on the skin which make you both shiver in delight. ◾ Deep loving kisses that can turn passionate and rough. ◾ Being obsessed with how he smells, and vice versa. ◾ Pulling on George’s cheeks and cooing to him like a little kid whenever he achieves something, it makes Fred and him laugh, though it irks him slightly. ◾ He’s literally your sunshine. ◾ You’re obsessed with the color of his hair, constantly playing with it whether his heads in your lap or you’re sitting on his lap. ◾ Major eye contact; if you were nervous about it originally, he got you comfortable with it. ◾ Interlocked fingers and soft eye contact during intimate moments. ◾ Tickle attacks. ◾ Peppered kisses. ◾ He’ll share his food with you, what a miracle! ◾ Always making sure that you’re taking care of each other. ◾ Taking care of each other when you’re both sick. ◾ Visiting each other when you’re sick at school. ◾ He loves it when you come to him about everything first, unless he get’s stumped on what to do. But him and Fred are your biggest cheerleaders, okay? ◾ He’s a sucker for neck kisses and biting or nails softly scratching down his back or arms. ◾ He loves it when you always come first. ◾ He’s super attentive with you. ◾ He can be sub or dom. ◾ Seriously, he’s brilliant at everything which makes your head spin. ◾ He speaks with his words a lot though his actions can be louder, because he’ll do things for/to you that he’d never do for/to

anyone else. ◾ Genuinely dying of embarrassment whenever George and Fred find out something embarrassing about you. ◾ Not always quite during sex, but he can’t help it. ◾ He always loves a challenge, so if you’re at The Burrow and want that sort of intimate alone time, he’ll make is so hard for you to be quiet, which you’re so annoyed at him about later, but it wears off bc it was worth it. ◾ Literally shows you off to everyone. He’d never hide you or make you feel like he’s embarrassed to be with you. ◾ If you’re introverted, he’ll do his best to understand and do things that you enjoy, though it may take time for him to understand why you need so much alone time, but he’ll respect it. And if you’re extroverted, he’ll be happy too, loving to do everything with you. If you’re in the middle and an ambivert, a good mix will do! ◾ If anyone upsets you, that’s their target for cruel pranks for the rest of the year.

[skribbz]

i know im sending u tons of these but ELLIE

Oh boy here we go

First impression

I actually didn’t know anything about TLoU before I played it except for it being a zombie game. Since zombies have always been a super special interest for me, I had to play it. So actually playing it was like being smacked in the face with emotions. 

But I didn’t even know about the existence of Ellie, so my first time seeing her was when Joel meets her. I thought she seemed cool, but a little abrasive. She did make me laugh though. 

Impression now

Oh god where do I even start. 

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Ellie helped me become who I am today. I related to her in so many ways. Not just in the way she's so nerdy, but also in how she treats others. She was just a kid who was let down by the world around her, yet she still wants to do what she thinks is best for everyone. She's sentimental, holding onto keepsakes from the people she's lost. She can have a bad attitude sometimes, but is just a complete sweetheart. She goes through so much, and even when Joel gives her the option to just go back home, she decides to keep going. 

Ellie came into my life when I needed a role model. The way she had gone through so much, but didn't let it break her soul, the way she always found a way to "endure and survive", meant so much to me at the time, and even now. She also helped me accept the fact that I wasn't straight. Seeing a character who I already admired so much, kissing another girl made me just break down crying. 

When they said that Ellie was going to be the main character of the second game, I cried again. I think the second game just really expands on the reasons I loved her in the first one. She still tries to do what she thinks is best. It's not always the right thing, and sometimes it's very much the wrong thing. But she has so much guilt over Joel, yet still loves him so much she's willing to do whatever it takes to give him the justice she thinks she deserves, even if she knows it's not at all what he would want her to do. (There's so much more to her thoughts and actions in the sequel of course, but I feel like this is one of the most important ones.) It's just like the first game where she's willing to go to any ends to do what she thinks is right, no matter how much it may hurt her in the process. 

I think in the end she has realized that her life means more than just being the cure. Her life matters just because she’s alive, is loved, and loves others, and that message means a lot to me, and I’m sure to many others, too. 

I think Ellie is such a wonderful character, and one of the most well written characters I've ever seen in any media. She really changed my life, and because of that she is my favorite character ever. 

Favorite moment

HOW am I supposed to choose just one. 

Does the entire winter section count? It shows much she loves Joel, and how strong she has become by that point, and how determined she is to survive. She sees just how truly awful some people in the world can be, and despite it she still wants to do whatever she can for the cure.

It’s our first look into what would become a major theme of the second game. While David’s town is an enemy to Joel and Ellie, and we as players hate them, they were doing what they thought was best to survive. Cannibalism isn’t right by our standards, but that’s because we haven’t been pushed to that point. But would we be willing to turn to it if we were pushed that far? Is it more acceptable to kill innocent people to feed a whole community that’s depending on you, or is it more acceptable to just let all of those innocent lives that are depending on you die?

I think we can all agree on one thing though. David is a piece of shit and deserved to be chopped up into teeny pieces. 

Idea for a story

I have many ideas. But I'll go with where I think her story can go from here, AKA my TLoU3 idea. 

The story starts 12 or so years later. Putting JJ around 13. Dina, Ellie and Abby 32-33. Lev around 25. Tommy and Maria probably late 50s-early 60s

Ellie is back in Jackson. She works her ass off doing whatever manual labor she can because all she wants to do is just work herself into exhaustion. She's dealt with her trauma and she’s in a better place mentally now. Now her reasons for shutting everything out is that she’s too scared to try and really reconnect. She wants companionship but is afraid of the pain of losing it all again.

The exception is when she has JJ. He is still the light of her life. She takes him hunting and camping and plays video games with him and they geek out over comics. She has taught him to draw. She wants to teach him guitar like she promised, but hasn’t been able to yet. 

The only time she sets foot outside of Jackson is with JJ.

Dina is of course doing something that uses her skills. Maybe the lead electrician at the dam. They've kept JJ very innocent. Obviously he knows of the infected, and has seen his moms kill them before, but he doesn’t know just how bad it really is, he’s never seen another human die.

Her and Ellie are amicable. They are happy to be co parenting jj but there's nothing between them (for now). 

Maria holds a lot of guilt. Over sending Joel and Tommy out that day, over not giving Ellie and Dina help in Seattle, which got Jesse killed, over letting Tommy get as bad as he did after Seattle. She blames herself for the way Ellie is. She tries to spend time with Ellie, but Ellie is very elusive when she wants to be. She adores JJ though. That's her little great nephew. His auntie is the leader of the whole town and he uses that to his advantage every chance he gets. And she lets him.

Tommy has a little guilt. He doesn’t know Abby is alive, Ellie only ever told him she “finished things” and didn’t talk to him much after that. But he sees how she is a complete mess and lost her fingers. He knows that guitar was special for Ellie, plus any kind of disability is a huge disadvantage in their world. Dina doesn’t let JJ near him. JJ doesn't understand why and no one will tell him

Tommy and Maria never worked out their differences and have stayed separated, partly because of their guilt toward what happened with Ellie. They cared about her like she was their own and they both let her down

Jackson is now huge. They’ve made contact with other settlements, and have trade routes. But Maria is getting older and the town is getting too much for her to run on her own. Tommy is getting up there in age as well, and despite his injuries he still does patrols. But alone. He’s not actively trying to get killed, but he isn’t always as careful as he knows he should be. 

Story starts out and you're playing as Tommy on patrol. He gets ambushed by a small group of people. And lo and behold Abby (and Lev) is there. Tommy is shocked when he finds out who it is, and he asks if she came to finish the job she started. She says no they tracked him since he left the town and were waiting to get him alone because she has news for him. The fireflies have rebuilt stronger than ever and now they’re back out for the cure and are coming for Ellie, because she is the only known source, but also as a form of revenge for what Joel did all those years ago, destroying what the Fireflies once were. They were able to get there first because they only brought a few people and set out before the main squad. Tommy asks why he should believe her, and she says that Ellie saved her life years ago and it's the least she could do to pay her back. (just like. Assume that there was enough info stored with the fireflies that Abby could work out who Ellie is). To keep Tommy from attacking or following him, they knock him out and untie him then leave. 

Control switches back to Ellie who is doing her chores around town. You get to nail fences, chop wood, and carry hay bales. Fun. Later that night, as Ellie is getting home, standing on her porch, Tommy rolls up and confronts Ellie about Abby being alive. They get into a huge fight and Ellie tells Tommy that he fucked up her life. It's his fault she lost Dina. His fault she only gets to see jj when Dina allows it, his fault Jesse was killed. And its his fucking fault Joel died.

He storms off. But then Ellie notices J standing on the street coming to stay the night. She had forgotten this was her night with him. He’d been told his whole life that moms had a peaceful break up, and that dad and grandpa Joel died being heroes, but now he’s upset about what he's heard so he runs back home to Dina. 

That night Ellie is woken up by fighting in Jackson. She runs out to try and find what's going on. All she can get is that fireflies are attacking. She eventually finds out that some travelers shot Maria and a fight broke out. Ellie fights through the town to Maria. She's injured with a gunshot in the arm, but alive still and kicking some ass. She tells Ellie that fireflies came asking for her, and would leave peacefully in return. She told them no and they shot her. Maria says she’ll be okay and tells Ellie to go find JJ and get him to safety. 

She fights through to the other side of town. Because of the commotion, infected have broken in so there’s humans and infected running around killing. She gets to Jesse's house and JJ is hysterical, Dina is holding him down and he's like screaming and crying. His grandpa fought off a firefly who was trying to get in their home and was shot and killed. It hits Ellie that this is all her fault. People are dying because of her again. Anyway she tells dina and robin that they need to leave. Dina says she's not going anywhere without Ellie. Ellie wants to stay and fight, but JJ is more important right now. So the 4 of them sneak out and near the gates they meet up with Tommy. He’s helping get people out and sending them to one of the patrol lookouts that is secure and can fit everyone. 

Ellie sends Dina, Robin and JJ off. Ellie gives JJ Joel's revolver and tells him to keep mom and grandma safe for her. She goes back to Tommy and the two get back to Maria. When they are very close to her, an infected ambushes them and Tommy gets bit. They get to Maria who is losing blood fast and doesn't look well. After a lot of arguing from Ellie, the pair decide to stay. They tell Ellie they’re old now. Maria wont last long with her wounds, and tommy has no chance of surviving his. They apologize to Ellie for the way things turned out and how much she has meant to them all these years. They give her all their ammo except for one bullet in each of their guns, because that's all they need now. Ellie begs them to come along, and she’ll figure something out for them. But they eventually convince her to go. Ellie leaves crying, and Maria and Tommy maybe get a cute moment before cutting back to Ellie. 

Ellie makes it back to where the survivors are and is depressed that there's way less than she was expecting. JJ has cried himself to sleep and Dina notices Ellie is acting strange and pulls her away to ask her. Ellie tells her what happened and Dina holds her while she cries. It's the first time anyone has really been physically affectionate with her in a long time so Ellie clings to her as she lets it all out

The last survivors decide that Jackson isn’t safe. It's too damaged, filled with infected, and no one can figure out what the fireflies were doing. Ellie can't bring herself to say anything about it. 

The next morning, everyone wakes up and is discussing what to do. JJ is still inconsolable. Ellie decides to take him away from the group to get some fresh air. She tells him to hold on to Joel's revolver. They chat and JJ asks what happened to auntie Maria and Tommy. She decides to be honest with him. She expects him to cry, but is shocked to see him become angry instead. He basically swears revenge for them and for his grandfather. This of course stirs up a lot of very negative thoughts in Ellie, but she decides to let him grieve in his own way for now. 

That’s everything I have written out in detail for now. But the main idea would be Ellie becoming a leader to the few remaining survivors as they make contact with the other settlements that Jackson is allied with. She would take responsibility for all of these lives. They would be her reason for fighting now. 

Over the course of the game, Abby would come back and her and Ellie would be forced to team up. There’s no more animosity between the two though, they’re both over it and don’t want to go back down that road. Over the course of the story they would come to understand each other’s actions. They wouldn’t become friends, but they can at least rely on each other. 

JJ would find out that Abby is the person responsible for Joel and Jesse’s death, and she came from the group that killed his grandfather, Tommy and Maria. He’d go into a rage and try to attack her and Ellie would have to hold him back. He wants to know why Ellie is defending the person who hurt everyone they loved. Ellie would have to finally tell him the whole story, and try to keep him from giving into his anger and sadness like she did in the second game. She won’t let her son become like her. She wants him to stay her innocent baby boy, but she knows that’s just not possible in their world. 

Other stuff that I have yet to flesh out:

More about Dina’s backstory. Or at least her last name. 

Lev being a big brother to JJ.

Dina and Ellie falling in love all over again as Dina sees Ellie doing so much for the rest of the community. It’s gonna be emotional.

Ellie teaching JJ how to play guitar, and tearfully singing Future Days to him.

Unpopular opinion

I’m not sure of what people’s opinions on her are. I know most people love her and anyone who doesn’t isn’t entitled to an opinion. 

I guess one is I’m not a fan of her farm hairstyle. Her Seattle look was just so cute. Why did you do that to your head, girl. 

Favorite relationship

Dina of course.

I feel like Dina represented what Ellie could have if she wasn’t stuck in the past. Joel represented her violent past, and her traumas. Dina represented her future, her home, her family. Ellie was so stuck in the past, that she couldn’t see the future standing literally right in front of her. 

It’s a great representation of how she holds onto the people she loves, but also how PTSD works. The past keeps coming back to haunt her. 

Favorite headcanon

I hc her as autistic! I kinda feel bad because everyone else hcs her as having ADHD. But I’m autistic so I say she is too *sunglass emoji*. 

Why I think she’s autistic: 

Obviously her special interests would be space and dinosaurs, and the way she talks about them reminds me of how I get when people let me infodump about my SIs.

The way she plays with her fingers looks hella like stimming to me. In fact, that’s one of my stims!

Her interest in art and music.

Her interest in general nerdy stuff like comics and video games. 

She collects cards, and collecting is a big autistic trait.

The way she’s sort of untidy and cluttered, yet labels all of her boxes of shit. The ordered mess is such an autistic thing.

[izukukuzi]

this is a question that i have in my mind since the beginning of bnha but i never asked anyone, but now i want to ask you: what do you think about the fact that midoriya seems to adore bakugou and to want to be his friends/at his side even if he bullied him and didn't even say sorry? idk if this is horikoshi's bad writing or maybe we have exaggerated bakugou's behaviour or idk, i'm really confused (sorry for the bad english, i hope what i said it's understandable!)

I thought about this ask for a looooong time. I usually kinda have a rough mental outline of the points I want to make when I answer any asks (especially when the answer gets really long jbdwujwjnw) but to be honest with you, nonnie, I kind of don’t know? however, I still want to honor the fact that you asked me (which... thank you??? you could have sent this to anyone, especially since you’ve probably been thinking about it for a while now), so I’ll give you some of my thoughts!!! 

the very first thought I had when I got this message was the context I usually see the “izuku didn’t stop hanging around bakugou despite what he did” argument being made in. a number of people have tried to make it a point that izu deserved the violence/bullying he was subjected to at bakugou’s hands because he was trying to force the other into a friendship, or he was following him around (or my least favorite take: izu was being stalkerish :/) 

and, while that’s not what you’re saying or asking, it does kind of lead me towards thinking of why, as you asked, izuku stayed at his side (and why the previously mentioned argument is wrong).

coming out of the isolation that comes with being diagnosed “quirkless,” I do not think we can fault izu for wanting to hold on to a friendship that’s been there for however long he and bk had known each other prior to the age of four? I mean, realistically, in this equation, you can’t take a four, five, six, seven, or whatever-year old child’s attempts to maintain his social connections as a fault of his own. he’s a kid, a lonely one at that, and if bakugou was who he knew as a friend before he was secluded, I’m not surprised he tried to keep it that way (though I don’t think he kept it that way for long)

some of the very first images we get in the manga are of izuku putting himself in the line of danger to protect another child from bakugou. while I don’t think that was something he “followed” him around for, I do think that izuku ended up around bk more times than not because he did things like this. being able to intervene, even at the cost of his own safety, would mean being around bk, so I figure that contributes to things (in some way or another dnedjnwjnd)

at some point, while I don’t think izu ever stops seeing bakugou as a figure of strength more obtainable to him than his favorite hero All Might, it seems like he does stop seeking bakugou out? from the way we’re introduced to bk/izu’s dynamic in junior high for example (i’m thinking about the moment their teacher said that both of them were aiming to apply for UA), we see that izuku tries his best to make himself small, to not draw attention, let alone bakugou’s attention, to himself... so it’s bakugou, then that initiates their interaction (though he does so with violence, a theme that’ll be followed into the start of their career as students at ua :/). so that then moves away from the “izuku following bakugou” rhetoric and, instead, shows how bakugou’s... irritation/obsession/call-it-what-you-want with izuku keeps them around each other, despite the understanding that bk wants the other at, as we see in ch. 284, “arm’s length.”

and while there’s more I could probably say about their physical closeness, I do want to kind of address some of the other points you brought up sooooo:

I can’t say this for sure, because I have no real way of knowing and can only base my understanding of it off of things I’ve experienced, but I think there’s some things that could explain why izuku “adored” bakugou, despite the way he was treated. 

on a narrative level, hori may have done this to 1) show the goodness of izuku’s heart (because, tbh, if I had to deal with half the shit he did, I wouldn’t be able to muster up a quarter of the kindness and continued grace that izu has). as the audience, we understand how good he is when we get to see him interact with bakugou despite everything, not with bitterness or malice, but with care and, when the moment calls for it (like the sludge attack or bk’s kidnapping) protectiveness. I also think it could be 2) a product of seeing bakugou as an obtainable symbol of heroism. i’m looking over the scene where they fight in ground beta and izu says some things that I think play into what you’re getting at with his admiration (also???????? these boys neeed t h e a r a p y oh my goodness):

(as a child, in a flashback) “Wait for me, Kacchan!”

“... like I said before, because I had nothing at first, along with the parts I hated about you, I saw vividly all the amazing things you could do!”

“You, who had so much that I didn’t have, were an amazing person much closer to me than All Might!”  

“It’s because I thought you were amazing... That’s why... I kept chasing after you!”

(and so you get the idea eubfrunejjs). again, I don’t see it as illogical for a child who wanted nothing more than to be a hero (for someone who kept that dream alive despite everyone telling him it was impossible) to use someone close to him personally (bk) as a model of strength. there’s other role models, like the pro heroes, but bakugou was tangible to izuku; he was within his sights for most of his life. if everyone was constantly showering bakugou with praise, telling him that he has what it takes to be a hero, why wouldn’t izuku also internalize that, hence making the foundation for his nod of respect towards bk? I don’t think it’s a problem of exaggerating bk’s behavior (because he was SHITTY to izu. that is just... not up for discussion???), but more of trying to really get into izu’s mind enough to understand why he may prioritize the things he does, and why his heart is good enough to give bk the kindness that izuku was under no obligation to provide (and I am... working on that point. I love him for it, but it does boggle me at times). 

Now... my last two points (because I’ve kept you here long enough dubwdjnwj). first, I have my opinions about where things are going currently in the manga (like with bakugou’s “atonement” and all that good shit) as well as how izuku’s trauma is portrayed coming out of his past with bakugou, but... I don’t want to speak ill of Hori and his writing abilities or anything. I’m here to enjoy the content he releases and, in doing that, all I can really do is trust that he’s telling the story as he sees best (because it is his story, not mine dbjndwjn).  

and lastly, I think that if we’re moving towards a place in the narrative where bk finally a p o l o g i z e s, then that may give us a chance to explore these ideas more! with bakugou finally owning up to what he did, and telling izuku about it, that may be a chance for izu to also open up himself and share a bit more on where his mind’s been with overcoming/forgiving the past. 

I hope some of this was helpful to you, nonnie!!!

[ijustwant2write]

Sweet Boy-Bonnie Gold x Reader x Finn Shelby (Part 2/?)

(GIF credit to @valentine-in-my-quinjet)

Part 1

Taglist: @stressedandbandobessed7771 @bethany-taylo @lovelynerdytraveler @savvy7392 @kingarthurscat @smallheathgangsters @soleil-dor @alyse45 @bloodorangemoonlight @amirahiddleston @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby

Summary: (Y/N) agrees to go for some drinks with Bonnie, despite her reservations about him. She doesn't want to cause tension between the boys, but a part of her is enjoying the attention.

Characters: Bonnie Gold x Reader, Finn Shelby x Reader, Isaiah Jesus x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, angst, arguing, threats, jealousy, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bonnie's P. O. V

"Bonnie, I'm really not sure." (Y/N) said, looking apologetic.

My eyes cast down to the ground."Yeah, it's alright. If you don't want to come-"

"No, it's not the fact that I don't want to come. I think Finn is pissed off at me."

I looked back up at her, confidence returned."And you care about that?"

She smiled."No, I don't. Alright then, let's go."

I held out my arm for her, grinning when she looped her arm through mine. As we began walking, there was a small voice in my head warning me not to do this. Finn would be pissed, and Isaiah probably wouldn't be too happy either, it could cause tension within the group. I could potentially cause plans to fall under if we couldn't work well with each other. But as I said, that voice was small, very small.

I just couldn't understand how Finn could let (Y/N) get away. Understandably he had changed, the only male influence he had around him were his brothers, and they weren't the best role models; but (Y/N) would have stuck by his side if he let her in a little, she wasn't asking for much. However, I was glad that he called it off, gave me a final chance.

(Y/N) was so sweet, so nurturing but she had picked up the fierceness from the Shelby women. It didn't show for a while, she bit her tongue in order to not upset the family or risk losing her job, but the day she snapped at Finn was a showstopper; even Arthur was praising her afterwards.

"Never been in here before." (Y/N) stated as we approached the pub.

"Me neither."

"Oh, will we be alright in here?"

"I've got a peaky cap on haven't I?"

She was still hesitant, but walked in as I held the door open for her. Surprisngly, the place was full of various ages, both young and old, people just getting off their shifts at work. Some eyes turned our way, there were those bold enough to keep looking as I ordered for us at the bar. As soon as the drinks were handed over, I took (Y/N)'s hand and lead her to a table, moving it further into a corner so no one could hear us.

"Don't worry about them staring. It's their only form of entertainment." I reassured her.

"I know. Like earlier with the guns, just forgot about everyone watching after Finn..."

Finn's P. O. V

"Finn, calm down." Isaiah groaned as he tried to keep up with me.

"No, I won't. Who the fuck does he think he is?" I snapped back.

"That's just how Bonnie is, you know that."

"It doesn't give him any right."

"No, I know-"

I abruptly stopped walking, spinning around to face him."So you agree?"

"I mean, yes, I guess so-"

"Good." I went back to my walking.

"Finn."

"Look, we'll just forget about it for now, and speak to him tomorrow. I'm Finn fucking Shelby, he should listen to me. But tonight, we'll get smashed at the Garrison and-"

"If we're headed to the Garrison, why are we going towards (Y/N) 's flat?"

My footsteps slowed down, realising that he was right. I looked in the direction of her home, trying to brush off the fact that she would be there now, resting after today's work. I sniffed, fixing my suit.

"Come on mate, let's get a drink." Isaiah patted my shoulder, about to steer me away from the flats when we heard laughter.

My instincts forced me to see where it was from. I felt my blood boil and face scrunch up as I saw (Y/N) and Bonnie together, walking arm in arm away from her home. He had pushed it, I thought he was my friend, I was beginning to welcome him into the group, but he had turned around and fucked it all up.

"Finn, leave it. You don't care about anymore, remember?" Isaiah attempted to block my view.

"Is he fucking taking the piss?!" I seethed."He takes my girl after all that happened? Thought we were mates!"

"You've said you don't love her."

"I don't."

He scoffed."I think you do mate."

"Oh fuck off."

"Don't shoot the messenger! Look, if you don't want them to be together so much, then you need to sort it."

"How do you mean?"

"Let's go after them. Crash their little date."

"They'll just argue with us."

"Exactly. We get Bonnie riled up, he throws a few punches for no reason, he upsets (Y/N) and she never wants to see him again."

"You really think he'll start fighting us?"

"If we say the right words."

I pondered the idea for a moment. It was tempting to follow Isaiah's plan. The only way I knew how resolve most things was doing something like this. But (Y/N) was likely to take his side, and I couldn't be sure if we would be able to show a bad side of Bonnie.

"Right, we are going after them. But we'll not be fighting." I decided.

"What? Why?"

"Cause I said so."

Isaiah only replied with a huff, gesturing for me to lead. I straightened my back, peaking around the corner to check where they were. They were at the end of the street, a good distant away from us. I nodded to my friend before we headed after them, staying hidden as they mocked me by being...happy with each other.

(Y/N)'s P. O. V

As Bonnie told me one of his embarrassing stories of being relentlessly chased by one of his horses as a child, I found myself constantly smiling, staring into his eyes. They were wild, like his upbringing, but had a sense of control over me. I was entranced, captivated. And with his peaky cap laid out on the table, his curls were revealed, making me forget that he was even part of the gang for a moment. That small moment was bliss, though ruined when the doors opened again, the customers conversations dying down again. Bonnie stopped speaking too, both of our happy expressions slowly disappearing.

Finn and Isaiah waltzed in, leaning against the bar and ordering a drink. There was no point in trying to hide or leave. They were here because they knew we were. Rubbing my eyes, I didn't look at them again until I noticed their shoes beside me. With a scowl on my face, I tilted my head up, glaring at both of them.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked bitterly.

"Just having a drink, same as you two." Finn said.

"And you couldn't go to the Garrison?"

"Tom has a deal with this pub, as well as many others. And we're allowed to drink where we want."

"Well I wouldn't know any of that, seeing as you never spoke to me, even in the relationship."

Isaiah sat down."We wanted a change of scenery. Nothing exciting happens at the Garrison anymore."

I was hurt that Isaiah was joining in on this. Finn was his friend first and foremost, I understood that, but we were all adults. There was no need for this childish behaviour that led to no where.

"You could have thrown a punch, that's how you normally have fun." I spat.

Bonnie sniggered, covering it up by drinking his beer.

"What the fuck you laughing at?" Finn frowned.

"I mean, she's telling the truth." Bonnie mumbled.

"Always have something to say don't you?"

"Finn, don't start." I warned.

"He started it!"

I shook my head laughing."Oh my god. You've literally just come here to torment us. It's not against the law for us to have a few drinks."

"No, but I could ban you both from here."

"Why? I would just tell Tommy and he would probably lift it."

"You can't undermine me."

"And you can't speak to her like that!" Bonnie raised his voice, attracting even more attention.

"Bonnie-" I tried to stop him, but he and Finn were already staring at each other, tensing up.

"You've done enough gypsy boy."

"You're fucking family are descended from gypsies."

"Guy, stop it. We're going to get kicked out." I tried to get in between them, but nothing broke their glares.

"They can't kick me out, I'm a Shelby."

I rolled my eyes at Finn, standing up as I grabbed me things.

"(Y/N), where are you going?" Bonnie also stood.

"It's been a long day, and I don't want to be embarrassed any further."

I practically stomped out of the pub, ignoring everyone watching me. Clumsily, I shoved on my coat, trying to cool down from my blushing cheeks. I heard the doors burst open even though I was halfway down the street, before Bonnie called my name.

"(Y/N)! Please, wait, I'm sorry!" he called after me.

"Just leave me alone Bonnie, please. There's been enough trouble today." I shouted over my shoulder.

"At least let me walk you home."

I sighed as Bonnie managed to get in front of me, blocking my way."No, please don't."

His face dropped, head slowly nodding."Yeah, sorry. Shouldn't be harassing you like this."

"You're not harassing me Bonnie. It's just...Finn and I haven't been separated for that long, and I don't want this to be the reason that you two despise each other, and then one day you two might turn your back on each other, then one of you winds up hurt or dead; then it's all my fault and the family hates me, and...and I'm haunted by it for the rest of my life."

"Shit, when did you have time to think about all this?"

"It's all I thought about everyday when I was with Finn. It's what you think about when the people you love are in danger." I hid my chuckle as Bonnie smirked."That wasn't me professing my love to you."

He shrugged."I didn't say that."

"Thank you for the drikk Bonnie. I was having a good time until he showed up."

"Speak of the devil."

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Finn leaning against the pub wall, smoking. Turning back to Bonnie, I tried my best to smile, even if I was upset.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bonnie."

Bonnie P. O. V

Watching (Y/N) walk away, I withheld the anger bubbling inside me. She waved to me one last time before disappearing into her building. My steps had force in them as I walked away, unfortunately having to pass Finn on the way.

"Haven't got anything to say to me?" Finn sneered.

"No." I simply replied, continuing to walk.

"Thought not. Know your place."

My head tilted back as I chuckled, stopping in my tracks. I went to snap back at him, tempted to say so many things that he would end up crying. But my dad had always taught my to hold back, save the big finish so that the audience would be happy. That tactic worked out for me a lot, and I knew it wouldn't fail me, not with Finn. My strategy was all planned out, I just hoped it would be a fair fight.

[olderjustneverwiser]

Say You’ll Stay With Me Tonight (Draco Malfoy)

Y'all, I don’t know where the hell this came from.

I’ve been all up in my Draco feels, and this came out. It’s literally just an excuse for me to tell Draco that he’s not a terrible person. It’s funny, though, because Draco is the first person I ever wrote for years ago. Guess I’ve come full circle.

Also I love these two and want to write everything about them.

ALSO, I added in the deleted scene from the movie because fuck it, Draco deserved better and I’m giving it to him.

Warnings: mentions of PTSD, talks of death, mentions of suicidal thoughts.

Set after the Battle of Hogwarts. Slytherin reader. As always, thanks to @moresvuheadcanons.

Enjoy!

The war was over.

After years of fear, hatred, and death. After countless late-night, hushed discussions between your parents, strange men in black robes visiting your home and the rise and fall of Him, it was over. The wizarding world could breathe a collective sigh of relief as you all stood in the Hogwarts courtyard, overlooking while Harry Potter defeated Voldemort, once and for all. There would be no third coming of the great Lord Voldemort. He was gone, reduced to dust and a heinous memory. 

Most cheered the victory, while others looked on mourning the fallen. Some, mostly ministry officials, went right on to their work; rounding up the remaining Death Eaters and counting the dead. Students hugged friends in celebration, while others cried for the ones they’d lost too soon. You, however, had only one mission: finding Draco.

The two of you had fought the second half of the battle side by side. You had grown up together, it seemed only fitting that you would most likely die together in the carnage. Yet by some stroke of luck, you both had survived. At least until Voldemort came back from the forest, Potter’s limp body hanging from Hagrid’s hands. 

It killed you to see Draco walk to His side. Deep down, you knew he was only doing so because of his mother, but it hurt all the same. You wanted so badly to call out to him; beg him not to go, but the green emblem on your school sweater made you a prime recruit for Voldemort, so you forced yourself to stay quiet and hidden. All you could do was silently will Draco to stand up for himself, to stay and fight, but ultimately you had to watch as he walked away. However, just when it seemed like all hope was lost, Potter jumped from Hagrid’s grip, and you watched as Draco tossed him his wand. 

That was the last time you had seen Draco, and given that he had helped Harry Potter right in front of Voldemort, it was safe to assume Draco was dead. The thought alone filled you with dread unlike any you’d ever felt.

You roamed the corridors, ignoring the stares of passersby. You knew you were a spectacle; your fellow wizards and witches were judging you based simply on your House at the school you fought to protect only moments ago. Never mind the fact that you had fought a war primarily based on judgements and prejudice. You fought for the light, for Potter; you were even prepared to fight against your own parents, yet people still only saw you as a Slytherin, child of a Death Eater, a bad person. 

You forced yourself to stop thinking about that and focus on the task at hand. Eventually you reached the Great Hall, thankful you didn’t see his body among those that had been found. You looked for people you were friendly with; Lovegood, Blaise, but no one knew where Draco was. The feeling in your gut only worsened as you worked with your former classmates until late into the night, with no sign of Draco Malfoy. 

-

It had been a week since the battle. 

Countless hours listening to reports of bodies found in the wreckage at Hogwarts. Reading about Azkaban sentences and acquittals and how the school was rebuilding. Learning that the Malfoys were cleared of all charges and seeing their photo in the Prophet gave you some relief in knowing that Draco was alive, but you decided to keep your distance for a while. Let him decompress. Things had become strained between you since your sixth year, and the last thing you wanted to do was bombard him.

But, you were restless and needed to see him. 

After a week of hiding out in your home, you apparated to the manor. As you made your way to the huge double doors, memories flooded your mind of your time here. Learning to fly with Draco in the backyard. Studying constellations on clear nights. Dancing in the vast ballroom of the manor at a Christmas soiree Narcissa put on in your fifth year.

Your thoughts were interrupted by one of the large doors swinging open before you even made it to the door knocker and you were greeted by a house elf, who seemed to remember you. 

“He’s in the study,” you heard the house elf squeak out as he let you in, then quickly disapparate. It had been years since you’d set foot in the manor, but the memories of its long halls and hidden rooms were still clear in your mind. Following the dark hallway, you remembered running through these halls with Draco as children, playing tag without a care in the world.

Oh, how you’d wish to go back to those simpler times. Before all of the chaos and despair. 

You shook those thoughts away as you neared the entryway of the study. It was eerily quiet, the only sound the faint crackling of a fireplace. You crossed the threshold and saw Draco, or at least part of him. He was sitting on a large sofa with his back to the entryway, his platinum hair the only part of him you could see. You thought it best not to sneak up on him, given everything he’d been through over the past couple years, so you stood back and called his name as softly as you could.

“Draco.”

Before you uttered the last syllable, he was on his feet, wand pointed directly at you, with a look in his eyes that you could only describe as pure fear. 

“Oi! It’s only me, mate. It’s okay.” You held your open palms up in surrender, waiting for him to realize that you weren’t a threat. He slowly lowered his wand, shoulders sagging just enough to let you know he was okay. You stepped forward cautiously, until he set his wand on the seat next to his.

“How’d you get in?”

“Your house elf still remembers me.” He nodded once, just barely, and once again took his seat on the sofa. God, he looked thin. He’d always had a slender frame, but he never looked this sickly; not even when you had fought by his side only days ago. His cheekbones and chin were more pointed than ever, and the dark circles under his eyes has never been more pronounced. Even his hands looked thinner. 

Guess that’s what living with the embodiment of evil for a year does to you. 

“Where’s Narcissa and Lucius?” You asked, taking your seat in the plush armchair next to the sofa. 

“Left the country on holiday. They wanted to ‘get away from it all,’ as they put it.”

“And they left you here alone?” You questioned. Draco only shrugged, his eyes never leaving the flames of the fire across from him. 

You weren’t looking at the fire, though. Instead, your eyes were on him. This wasn’t the boy you’d known. The boy you’d loved since you were twelve. This was a ghost of him. You suspected the boy you loved had been dying a slow death ever since Voldemort had come to him with an offer he, quite frankly, could not refuse even though he’d wanted to. 

What do you say in this situation? 'How are you?’ 'What’s on your mind?’ Everything that came to mind seemed stupid and pointless, so you settled for staying silent. 

Thankfully, Draco broke the silence before you had to. “Have you heard from your parents?”

“No.”

“Are they alive?”

“I’m not sure.”

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“They would have murdered me without a second thought if they knew I was fighting for the light so no, not really.” Your eyes fell to his left forearm; he was fiddling with his sleeve and it had rolled up just enough to see the very bottom of the Dark Mark. 

Draco noticed you staring and lifted his sleeve even more, allowing you to see the mark in its entirety. It was an open secret in Slytherin that Draco had taken the mark. He never talked about it, but you all knew it was there. Still, to see it for yourself; to see that ugly stain on his skin made your stomach turn.

“I’ve thought about trying to cut it off, you know,” he said, so nonchalantly he could have been talking about the weather outside. However the weight of his words hit you like a freight train, and you felt the breath being sucked out of your lungs. You were at a complete loss for words. Do you tell him that it pained you to imagine a world without him? That even though things had gotten so strained between the two of you, you couldn’t bare the thought of losing him like that? Do you tell him that, in spite of all the bad he had done, you had always seen the good he could have been, given the chance?

“Draco, what-”

“It’s-it’s not like I want to not be here anymore. I’m just tired. Tired of looking at this bloody thing and being reminded of all the pain I’ve caused.”

“I’m willing to bet you didn’t have a choice.”

His eyes snapped to you, and you noted the shine of fresh tears threatening to spill over red-rimmed eyes. “You don’t know what I’d been tasked to do. I let them into the school, I was supposed to kill Dumbledore, I-”

“So, why didn’t you do it? Kill him, I mean.” You already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear it from him. 

He hesitated, trying to keep his voice steady while tears trickled slowly down his cheeks, “I never wanted this to happen. I thought I did, when I was younger. But, I never wanted people to die, I never wanted any of it." 

"Draco, you’re just a boy who grew up with an ego the size of the moon and a terrible role model for a father. You weren’t a bad person growing up, you were just an ass with a legacy to live up to. And as far as this death eater shit, I know you wouldn’t have done it if you had a choice. It was your father’s actions that brought you to that point, Draco. I’m sure of it.” You paused as a tear of your own escaped, but you continued on. “And, when it really mattered, you helped the light. Or did I just imagine you hexing Death Eaters next to me, or tossing Potter your wand?”

“So, you’re trying to say that I’m a good person, even after all of this?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.”

He chuckled, actually chuckled at your last statement. “Thank you.”

“You know I meant every word,” you replied, hoping he believed you. Once again, silence fell over the room, only this time it was a calm, comfortable one. You wanted to stay with him; hell, you’d stay forever if he would ask you to, but you weren’t sure if that’s what he wanted. You sure as hell weren’t going to ask to stay, so you stood to leave.

“Well, now that I’ve stroked your ego and raised your spirits a bit, I think I’m going to go,” you said, a test to see how he’d react. You stepped over his outstretched legs to leave, but he grabbed your hand, his skin icy even after sitting by the roaring fire.

“Stay, please?” He whispered, just loud enough for you to hear. The pain and loneliness he was feeling was evident in his voice, and of course, you weren’t going to say no. 

So you nodded and took a seat again, this time on the sofa right next to Draco. You expected him to let your hand go, but instead he laced his fingers with yours. You felt a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as the two of you looked on at the fire.

In that moment, you felt peace, and for the first time in a long time, you felt that maybe, one day, all would be well.

[statticscribbles]

Branch Evolution

Summary: There’s a reason the Ghoulies phrase is ‘Evolve or Die’; also featuring my personal headcanon about Malachai’s family

”What is it Lance.” Malachai snaps at the boy who nervously stands in front of him. “I was just wondering..” “No fuck off; I’m not giving you a day off or listening to your teenage woes; or college essays or… Fine you got ten seconds; spit.” “How did the Ghoulies come to be?” “I started the gang; you idiot.” “But why; how and-”

“You keep asking questions and i’ll…” Malachai doesn’t finish; hand brushing over the knife he keeps embedded in the couch. “Course; sorry to bother you.” “Hey kid; grab a milkshake at pop’s would you.” Lance nods gripping the list and money that Malachai had tossed to him. He leaves to laughter and Malachai settles back into his chair.

“Seriously how did you form.” Penny asks fingers curling around the beer bottle she’d gotten. “You should know; you’re old enough to remember us forming.” Malachai grins at her and she laughs, shaking her head. “I may be but I never knew you before this southside; issue shall we say.” Malachai grins and sighs through his nose. “Liar.” He snarls, shoving past the incoming Ghoulies to retreat into his bedroom.

”I don’t give a fuck! That’s oppressive and outdated and SHIT!” Malachai stumbles back when the fist hit’s his jaw and he growls standing up and sneering. “You can beat me till I’m half dead but like hell I’m letting my baby sister do that snake dance for a bunch of fuckin’ pervs. Least I have morals.” “It’s a Serpent right! It’s our laws!” “Laws can be changed; she’s-” “Just cause she’s your kid sister don’t make a difference; my kids will do the trials just the same if they want to join.” “We’re by blood ain’t no need for us to play initiate. We already live and breathe as snakes; we don’t have to prove ourselves to-” Malachai doesn’t finish shivering slightly as FP throws him out of the Wyrm. “You stay the fuck out Malachite.” FP sing songs and Malachai stands up, shoving FP back into the Wyrm.

“You call me that shit name again and I’ll rip the crown from your fucking dead fingers.” “But that’s who you are kid; crown prince of the Serpents, a jewel in the gang’s crown just like your sister. You did the trials and so will she.” “She’ll do ‘em but not that fuckin’ stripper dance you pass off as-” Malachai ducks his head sighing when Tall Boy pushes himself between the two. “Come on let it go; just for now; we ain’t accepting new members anyhow; it’s off season.” “Yeah, too many jobs, not enough bodies.” FP nods to Malachai who huffs before returning back to his house and trying to avoid the shouting that hasn’t stopped since his sister ran away.

Malachai doesn’t see FP again until two months later; he pushes it off as strategic job assignments; that FP wanted to avoid Malachai annoying him for as long as possible. All it did was give Malachai more and more of a motive; pulling at the ears and heartstrings of the Serpents and the other southsider’s that were loyal to him; that were indebted to him. He crafts himself a fringe community; pulling in anyone the Serpent’s shun; be it those that failed the trials; or those that were double crossed. Even a few of the die-hard snakes assure him they’ll stand with him; of course this is purely due to them falling out of favour with FP but Malachai will take what he is given and let it grow and evolve.

“Malachai, come on kid.” FP hovers in the door frame and Malachai half looks up from the couch, his upper body jerking forwards before the rest of him twists off the couch. “I ain’t a kid FP, just under ten years younger than you, and already head of the gang, took you years, and being in your daddy’s pocket to make it this far.” He grins and his teeth gleam in the shadows. “Ki-Malachai; seriously is this really over those dumb job assignments; I can-” “You can’t do shit FP; you lost your main source; the candyman and the flowers are mine now; you just slither on out of the garden of eden that is the Southside; go on.” “Enough; when will you see this is the problem; we should be united; not divided; the southside is all our homes; we all belong here.”

“Tell that to those that didn’t make it in the gang; those that you pushed and gave the worst jobs because they talked back or got too mouthy about traditions and rules like me. You dug your own grave Snake King.” “And you’re the fallen angel to save them from my wrath?” FP snaps back and Malachai tilts his head back laughing. “When did I call you a god in this FP? When would I ever worship you?” FP grimaces.

“Malachai just dissolve this little game and come back; I don’t want this…” “Want what FP; to fight for your territory? For your members? What happened to the snakes being a family? To the law; no serpent stands alone.” FP turns away and sighs dragging his hands down his face before he grabs Malachai and shoves him to the ground. “Don’t move kid.” It’s the last thing Malachai obeys from FP.

“What happened?” Penny asks, looking at the scar on Malachai’s back that runs onto his ribs, the skull tattoo covers most of it. “Cover up.” She rolls her eyes and jabs him, pulling his shirt as he covers it back up. “Let me see it kid.” She hisses at him and he grips her bandaged wrist shoving her off of him. “Serpent’s never shed their skin right?” He snarls in her ear. “As a snake you should know when one rattles and when to stay away.” Penny’s eyes widen surprised at how his voice drops down into threatening; how his words drawl out mimicking FP Jone’s speech pattern. Penny mulls it over slightly unsurprised that Malachai would use FP as a role model; the man was running a successful gang after all.

“So that’s why you’re so into the snakes; they’re like your ideal gang.” “They ain’t.” Malachai snaps and Penny arches an eyebrow. “Well it’s obvious the Serpents are a sore spot for you; not have the stomach to make it in?” She taunts wondering how easy it’ll be to rile him up if the implication of touching a bar fight wound was enough to make him bristle. “You shut it.” “Oh no dead boy walking. I’m going to talk about my gang as long as I want. The Serpents are my family and even if they cut me out I’m still one of them. And I want back in.”

“You think you’ll get special treatment cause you’re their lawyer? Being special like that; being more than a random member don’t get you nothing when you commit a crime against them.” “Sounds like some of your members have experience with that.” Penny grins but wipes it off her face when Malachai just nods to the other ghouls clustered around. “Out.” They follow his order and each pat Penny on the shoulder, none of them look her in the eyes.

“You should know better Penny. You should be more careful. Evolve or Die. Stop talking about the half done snakes and start talking about what we all become when we die; ghouls.” “Oh so scary; spooky ghosts.” She laughs carefully maneuvering her wrist out of Malachai’s reach; he simply leans over her; fingers digging into the bandages until he sees red on them. “Listen Penny. Evolve or Die.” “I get it your dumb catch phrase.” “You think getting a little skin off your arm hurts; that after throwing yourself at my mercy they’re gonna let you back in?” “God they must’ve rejected you something fierce.”

“No; I made it in. I was just like you; except i didn’t want to ride FP’s dick straight into a high position or jail. I wanted to stop all the shit they praise and pass off in the Serpents. I wanted them to be better; to grow.” He grins at her and she stares in his eyes as hers widen in fear “Evolve or die. You catch my drift Penelope?” Malachai hums and then swipes his hair back pulling it up so it’s out of his face; miming as if it’s slicked back. “Malachite.” He breathes into her ear and she stiffens.

“Oh; you really didn’t know then? How; cute.” He pauses returning back to his chair and tapping the wall. Before Penny can move the Ghoulies swarm back in and she retreats outside; shaking and unable to look at Malachai.

“Told you then?” Lance asks, offering a shake towards her from another Pop’s run. Penny’s convinced he’s doing something besides playing gopher but she’s not really sure of anything anymore. “Malachite Topaz; one of the great-grandkids of the Serpent founders. Yeah shocked me too when I found out. How’d you figure it out? I managed to see his scar; nasty piece of work.” “Yeah can’t believe he; how did he get it?” “Same way you got yours; Jones carved him up.” Penny turns looking horrified. “Jones carve-” “Yeah something went off in FP that day; he was right mad according to everyone that saw; pinned Malachai to the ground and sliced off his serpent tattoo; poor kid got it on his side and back; one of those big snakes eating itself.” “He’s older than you.” Is all Penny manages to say trying not to picture a younger Malachai on the ground alone and bleeding. “Yeah; he treats us like family; i think it’s cause of his little sister; I’m the same age as her apparently. We go to school. I give him updates whenever he needs.”

“And when does he need?” Penny laughs a little and Lance waves the shake in his hand. Penny thinks back to how he seems to always have on in his hand; what she had thought a teenage addiction was the second cover up she’d seen that day. She thinks about Malachai for a moment longer; how desperate he is to appear tough; to appear strong and she doesn’t have to wonder for very long why anymore; she slowly unwinds the bandage on her wrist surprised when Malachai’s hand offers her clean ones.

“You should wash it first; it’ll burn like a mother fucking asshole but it’ll be better that it getting infected and you ending up half dead in the hospital.” “Course; Evolve or die right.” She tries to be casual; tries to wave off his concern but she lets him lead her back towards the house of the dead and she wonders if it’s really all that bad to come back as a ghoul.

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Vacation

There’s a lot of clichés about artists burning out just as they come through with their brightest work, and in some people’s version of this story, that might be the frame for Vacation, BTMI!’s final album before breaking up. Personally, I’ve never bought into those monomyth-esque narratives about bands’ inherent career arcs, and so I’m not inclined to view the album this way. I will say that while I absolutely love it, I don’t think it’s necessarily the band’s best album. It’s also just not accurate to think that this was a point of “burning out” for BTMI!, since Jeff started writing for his solo career almost immediately following the band’s dissolution.

Still, Vacation does hew eerily close to a lot of these rock ‘n’ roll archetypes. It was a momentous album, it was probably the most publicized release the band had seen, it represented a new musical direction that seemed to present itself as the summary of Jeff’s experimentation with genre and songform over the rest of the band’s career, and the band very much did break up after its release (although, as with ASOB, it took a few years for that to become official).

About that publicization: while I’m somewhat sad that I missed out on most of BTMI!’s career (being, you know, too young to go to shows or even think much about punk for the first 5-ish years), I’m still glad I found them when I did, because the build-up to the release of Vacation was a really interesting time to be a fan. In 2010, almost a year before the release, the band began a roll-out of singles to get people excited about the new material, and it worked like a charm on me: the boisterous first single “Everybody That You Love” seemed like a sign of great things to come if its electrifying lead guitars and dizzying vocal hook were any indication. “Hurricane Waves” and “Can’t Complain” showed even more diversity to look forward to when the band released them in 2011 ahead of the album. In addition to that, Jeff launched a whole new label to sell Vacation (and much of the other stuff released through Quote Unquote) through, Really Records. Clearly, he was trying to communicate something about the step forward he wanted Vacation to represent.

And fans like me, despite knowing that “Side Projects Are Never Successful” and that Jeff was never in it for the fame, had reason to believe not only that this might have been the band’s big shot, but that they might actually make it big – or at least to become big enough to continue to exist as a full-time touring band that played music for a living. The Vacation singles were getting media coverage like no other previous BTMI! release had, and they marked a direction for the band’s music that, while retaining the punk integrity and musical ambition of the earlier albums, also proved more melodic, cleanly-produced, and accessible to a broader audience. While previous albums got recognition in the punk scene, Vacation looked like it had “crossover potential.” And when it finally arrived, there were even more positive signs: within half a year of the release, “Can’t Complain” made an appearance in “The Office.”

Of course, for all this to work, the album had to be good, and thankfully it was better than that – despite what might have sounded like my talking it down, it definitely represents a new high for the band. It’s Jeff’s own favourite BTMI! album, and I can see why: its complexity is something to be proud of. He had always been influenced by artists falling outside of the punk spectrum, but here those influences are more pronounced than ever, and the band finally breaks free of its ska-punk chains with a sound wholly its own. Brian Wilson-esque harmony arrangements and multi-part songs abound, and in a similar fashion to To Leave Or Die In Long Island, a couple motifs from individual songs (“Campaign For A Better Next Weekend” and “Sick, Later”) turn up in multiple places on the album for thematic cohesion. If SMiLE was Wilson’s “teenage symphony to God,” Vacation might be Jeff’s “adult symphony to punk rock.”

Many of my favourite songs off Vacation stand completely alone in the BTMI! catalogue, with little stylistic precedent. “Why Oh, Why Oh, Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh)” is a brash, thunderous fusion of Elvis Costello’s melodic sense and Bruce Springsteen’s maximalism, with a wealth of memorable melodies and lyrics that are all Jeff’s own. “Can’t Complain” is that rare song that manage to “rock quietly” – it’s both hushed and urgent in its muted acoustic chords and slide guitar lines, panicking at the pace of everyday life while simultaneously realizing how much there is to be thankful. And of course there’s the glorious, dynamic opener that slowly builds from a nostalgic piano riff accompanied by subtle, emotionally-charged chord changes into an explosive hardcore-punk charge, with vocals ranging from Jeff’s cleanest, quietest-ever singing to his more characteristic shouting to a group chant at the end.

But even when Vacation retreads familiar territory, it still feels like it’s moving forward. “The Shit That You Hate” stands in a long line of 3/4 5-6-minute slow-burn songs appearing on BTMI! albums, but it feels like a perfection of that particular type of song rather than a simple revisiting. Jeff’s weak, warbly falsetto note when he sings “Hold onto your hope” always gets me a little choked up. “Hurricane Waves” might recycle a melody from To Leave Or Die In Long Island during its bridge, but the rest of the song is all new, providing that melody with a fascinating recontextualization to great effect. The aforementioned “Sick, Later” has a zig-zagging riff in an unusual time signature combination that still manages to be incredibly hooky, as well as some of my favourite lyrics on the album:

The first time that I took you to the hospital,

I was tired and you wanted to die,

I drove off, and I couldn't understand at all

Fuck, I didn't even walk you inside,

I thought we all wanna die, we all wanna die,

And I thought that was fine, I thought that was fine.

One of the album’s most instantaneous joys comes from “Vocal Coach,” the shortest true song on the album. Jeff’s vocals were probably the most consistently difficult factor in terms of getting listeners outside of punk to take BTMI! seriously; they’re somewhere in between the traditionally-expected “bad” vocals of classic punk and the cleaner, more melodic style of singing dominant in pop-punk. Either way, they definitely don’t play to mainstream ears (perhaps this is why “Campaign For A Better Next Weekend” starts the way it does, and for that reason, Vacation might be the best place for a listener that’s not well-versed in punk to jump into the band’s discography). On “Vocal Coach,” Jeff takes on this problem with a healthy dose of irony, penning an ode to the imperfections he loves in music, the “dirty covers, dusty grooves and deep scratches.” But with a melody reminiscent of Pinkerton-era Weezer, he also expresses his own frustration with his inability to transcend the ugliness of his own singing: “I get embarrassed when my voice pops out and it’s not like in my head, / If I got a new vocal coach and I could hit the notes, you’d fall in love again.”

I understand that frustration – I’ve sung in more than one band, but before I even started playing in a band, I never thought I could be a singer because I thought I wasn’t good enough. But over time, I slowly realized that the reason I thought that was because I was comparing myself to singers who were already considered to be superhumanly-gifted, and that not every singer needs to be that way; there are thresholds of “good-enough,” and realizing where you fall in that can be a very freeing experience. I learned to sing by imitation Johnny Rotten and Billy Corgan, singers with definitively “bad” voices that nevertheless managed to communicate pretty much exactly what they wanted to in their songs. And Jeff Rosenstock was another big inspiration to me in that respect: he was a “bad” singer who nevertheless sang his songs defiantly, against popular tastes, because who else was going to do it for him? (Not to mention that as a “rock ‘n’ role model,” Jeff seems like a much better guy than Johnny or Billy.) But like Jeff, I know that there are times when singers wish we could do more with our voices than what seems to be within our natural ability, and we start wondering if it’s just a matter of putting in the right amount of work to “perfect” that voice. “Vocal Coach” brilliantly captures the nuances of this feeling in under two and a half minutes in an unforgettably catchy tune.

It couldn’t last, though. Even Jeff seemed to know it, as he sang on “Vocal Coach”: “ I'm aware that I'm kind of getting scared the love that I thought had no bounds is coming to an end.” Vacation proved that BTMI! could be made more accessible and reach a wider audience, but there were limits to that growth. Just what reasons lay behind those limits will always be a bit obscure, but after a while, it became clear that despite being their most successful album to date, Vacation wasn’t going to be a true “commercial breakthrough.” To be fair, I don’t even know if that’s what Jeff wanted. I haven’t been fully clear on why the band broke up, and strangely, Jeff even seemed a little vague on it in this interview, citing one member’s moving to Australia as part of it. It didn’t have much to do with a lack of commercial success (Jeff claims the band wasn’t even on as much of an upswing in popularity as fans had come to believe at the time), and I doubt he would have soldiered on with his solo career the way he did if it had. In fact, I suspect his solo career is probably more well-known by now than BTMI! was even at their peak.

In the end, I’m just happy the band go to do what they wanted to for as long as they did, and that BTMI! brought so much to my life and the lives of other fans like me. I’m also incredibly grateful I got to see them at least once, on their last tour before they broke up in what turned out to be my first real punk show. It was, in some ways, kind of a fluke: I was 16 and the band had planned some tour dates in Canada, including Ottawa, which was truly shocking, considering that almost no one big (outside of the Wu-Tang Clan – look that one up, it’s a strange story) comes to Ottawa. But it was even flukier than that, because it turned out that my parents had planned a road trip to Toronto for our family over the date BTMI! was playing! Of course, I checked the tour dates and sure enough, they were coming to Toronto too, so I got the tickets for that show instead and saw them for the first and last time at the loft above Sneaky Dee’s with my sister. It was an amazing experience, and I can’t think of a better way to have been introduced to live punk. I was caught off-guard by the mosh pit, but it was a friendly one, and I ended up spending most of the show in it. The band played almost every song I could have hoped for (“25”! “I Don’t Love You Anymore”! Every great song on Vacation!) and I ended the night a sweaty, dehydrated mess. As Jeff came down from the stage into the crowd after the show, I gave him a big hug and told him how awesome I thought it was. And while I hadn’t brought a blank t-shirt for the band to spray-paint their name on (a tradition from the early days they were still doing at that time), I bought one of their special “bilingual shirts” that I assume were made specially for the Canadian leg of the tour. I still have it: