#I am tired and getting a cough and I would like to see the children

[emry-stars-art]

That’s it, first person to draw aftg mers or royals for me gets a cuddle/kiss chibi request they want done next thing

[spacebarbarianweird]

Baby Fangs

Synopsis: Baby Alethaine is severely sick, and Astarion is afraid his daughter is going to die.

Tags: hurt/comfort, dadstarion, dhampirs

Alethaine's age: 5 month

Thanks @queenofthespacesquids for beta-reading!

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion has never been so afraid in his life.

Not when he was dying in the streets of Baldur’s Gate. Not when he thought Tiriel had gone. Not when Cazador had inflicted tortures on him.

It just can’t compare to the fear of losing a child.

“She needs to make it till morning,” the healer says. “If she is alive by sunrise, she will get better.”

“But can we do anything?” Tiriel looks as if she is going to fight. “There are healing spells, potions, anything!”

“And most of them aren’t fit for a five month old child. Astarion, Tiriel, I give you my word. I’ve done everything I can. There are probably some clerics and wizards who can heal your child immediately but none of them live in Daggerlake. I am sorry.”

The healer walks away, leaving a dreadful silence in the house.

Astarion sits on the bed, clasping his hands together. Of course, things couldn't be this good. Of course something had to go wrong! How could he have been foolish enough to believe that things could be good for him?

His little daughter, Alethaine, is such a miracle, such a gift. When he first held her in his arms, he dared to hope that everything would be all right from then on. And now they tell him she's dying? That she would be dead by morning?

Alethaine whimpers weakly. She is already too tired to cry.

Tiriel looks terrible. She is a warrior, a fighter, but for the first time in her life, she has no enemy to kill. The enemy is her daughter's fever, and she can't beat it the way she beats monsters.

The baby starts coughing.

Astarion doesn't need to be a vampire to feel his daughter's pain. Her muscles are too tense. Her breathing is ragged and her heartbeat is too weak. Alethaine is suffering at this very moment, and there is nothing her parents can do about it.

Can’t give her medicine. Can’t soothe her pain.

There is a grip of death around her tiny heart and neither Tiriel nor Astarion can unclench it.

Tiriel sits on the bed, cradling Alethaine in her arms. Astarion wraps his hands around them.

“So what do we do?” he asks.

“We wait,” she answers. Her voice sounds exhausted.

He nods.

Yesterday, Alethaine was perfectly healthy. She tried to sit up, but each time her head proved too heavy and she fell on her back. Then her black eyes clouded over and a fever rose. She refused to eat and only cried like a wounded animal.

“What if she doesn’t make it?” Astarion asks.

Tiriel doesn't answer and he sees tears flowing down her cheek. “We will keep living. Could you please bring a blanket?”

Astarion reluctantly lets them go and picks up a thick fur blanket from the floor. Then they sit together with their backs against the wall, covering their sick daughter with the blanket. Only a desperate cough echoes through the room.

Children die all the time. Mostly little kids like Alethaine. Daggerlake isn't a very big town, but Astarion knows that at least three babies have died this year. From disease. Small children like this are too vulnerable. It happens all the time.

There's a chance that tomorrow Astarion will have to dig a grave and put a tiny bundle in there that never had a chance to grow up.

It's so unfair that it makes Astarion want to howl.

"Astarion," Tiriel touches his curls. "Let's talk. The silence is killing me."

“What do you want to talk about, my sweet?”

“I don't know… Anything.” Tiriel places the girl in his hands and Astarion flinches sensing the heat of Alethaine’s body. Fever. A terrible killing fever. “Do you think she is a dhampir?”

“She is an elf like I was before I died.”

When Tiriel was pregnant, he read as much as possible about dhampirs. Deadly and fast, half-vampires don’t need blood and can live in the sun. But they have vampiric strength, can walk on ceilings, and regenerate much faster than mortals. No wonder vampires are often jealous of their children.

But at the same time, the life of a dhampir is full of hardships. Neither a vampire, nor a mortal, they are doomed to be alone. Once they feel bloodlust for the first time and fangs replace the canines, they are outcasts often disowned by their own mortal families.

But does it have to be like that? Astarion has been fighting the odds against his vampiric nature for the last twenty years. Why can’t his daughter?

But Astarion is afraid they will never learn the answer to either of their questions. Alethaine opens her mouth and makes a deep breath as if suffocating. Something doesn’t allow her to breathe and she makes hissing sounds. Her little eyes are watery - by this time she can only cry.

So can her parents.

“I wouldn’t want to, I think,” Tiriel says. “If she is dhampir it means she is alone. Even if other spawns have children too, what is the chance she will ever meet them?”

Astarion kisses Tiriel’s cheek. if Alethaine dies, they bury her and leave. Daggerlake is a welcoming town but it will be a place of sorrow for them.

Tiriel adjusts herself a bit.

“Fuck” she mutters. Astarion immediately smells the blood. Tiriel’s thumb is bleeding. “A fucking splinter.”

Alethaine cries at the top of her lungs.

Astarion stares at his daughter with shock. She screams with the strength they didn’t know she posseses. It’s desperate. Angry.

Demanding.

This moment she doesn’t sound like a child. She sounds like a little beast.

Before Astarion makes up any coherent thought, Tiriel puts her bleeding thumb to Alethaine’s lips, making the blood pour into her mouth.

“Tiriel, what are you doing?”

Tiriel doesn’t answer. The girl makes sucking movements as her mother squeezes drops of blood from her finger.

And then her dark eyes turn red.

They glow in the half-lit room like two tiny lights.

Tiriel puts her fingers away and Alethaine makes a disgruntled sound. Her elven ears twitch.

The eyes stop glowing so intensely and return to their natural black color.

And then Alethaine laughs.

She is kicking her legs and stretching her arms to her parents.

The girl is happy. Happy like a well-fed vampire.

“Astarion, look at her gums.”

Two baby fangs. Very small, almost kitten-like.

“It wasn’t a fever,” Astarion mutters. “It was a bloodlust.”

Of course… If she was older she would just try to get blood from somewhere.

But when you are five months old you can’t do a lot of things.

Poor girl, how she suffered those two days.

Is dhampir bloodlust the same as vampiric? Was she feeling her stomach being ripped apart, her throat hurting and bleeding? Maybe it was even worse for her? Maybe her mortal nature was fighting the bloodthirsty monster, causing Alethaine to cry in pain?

Helpless baby alone with her pain and fear while her parents didn't think of the most obvious explanation.

** Astarion sits at the doorstep with a plushie doll in his hands. The toy has white hair and elven ears, and now Astarion is stitching small fangs to its mouth.

The tears prickle his eyes.

He’s condemned his child for a life of hardships. For loneliness, for constant war against herself. If someday Alethaine shows up at his doorstep blaming him for all her tragedies, he will not even try to defend himself.

“No, kitten, I don’t care if you don’t like it! I can’t breastfeed you anymore and I am not giving you any blood! You eat normal food!” He hears Tiriel’s voice from inside the house.

Alethaine isn’t going to comply easily.

Then he hears footsteps from behind.

“What are you doing?” Tiriel asks.

“Adding fangs to her toy.”

Tiriel sits beside him.

“You have mash in your hair.” Astarion notices

“I know. You should see the other girl. How do you feel about giving her a bath?”

“I don't think you should ask. It’s my child. It seems like… even more mine now.”

“Hey, don't be upset. We knew it was possible.”

“I just… Her eyes, Tiriel, you saw them.They were like theirs… My siblings…Cazador… the same fucking glowing eyes as if she was a vampire, too!”

“It’s because of blood. She doesn’t have to drink it, she can eat normal food.”

“We should have found the cure before making a child.”

“But we didn’t find any.”

Tiriel takes a wet piece of rag and wipes her hair. “Astarion, I am going to talk to you seriously and, please, pay attention to every word I say.”

“I am all pointy ears, my love.”

“I was beaten and humiliated daily for who I was. My family didn't even give me a name because they despised me. But when I met elves for the first time they called me “garbage” - Biir. Half-something, half a person. Half elves aren't uncommon. There are surprisingly many in big cities. But I’ve been taught to despise my body, to hate my ears, to be embarrassed of my own existence. And our daughter is a dhampir. And I am sure there aren’t many like her. This world will have a thousand opportunities to shove her differences up to her nose. This world will teach Alethaine to hate herself. I can guarantee you she will try to pull her fangs out or maybe will ask someone to knock them out. She will cover herself not to let people see how pale she truly is. And we must not be a part of her problems.”

“Tiriel, I would never - “

“She is a girl, Astarion. Her image of herself will be formed mostly by you, not by me. The way you will perceive her will be the way she will see herself. And if she sees resentment, if she senses your sorrows that she isn’t a normal child, she will start hating herself. She will feel it. And it will stay with her till her long days are over.”

“Tiriel, what exactly in my behavior tells you that I am going to mistreat her? She is my child! She is…”

“I didn’t mean to ignore the fact she is a dhampir. You must cherish her differences. We must love her for being a dhampir. We must form this idea that it’s good she is a dhampir.”

Astarion chuckles. To be honest, he has never accepted his vampirism. It happened against his will and he would give anything to get rid of it. It is a curse. And now… his daughter is cursed as well.

“Astarion, this is important. Even the tiniest things will affect her. And we will have to deal with the consequences.”

The girl cries for her parents, and Tiriel, planting a kiss on Astarion’s forehead, returns inside.

Several hours later, when a washed and clean-clothed Alethaine is happily lying on her parents' bed and trying to make some coherent movements, Astarion finally finds enough moral strength to accept the reality.

He takes his daughter in his arms and walks up to the ceiling. The girl laughs and tries to bite him.

"Aren't you the cutest dhampir in Faerûn?" he mutters. "I can't wait to teach you how to use those fangs in battle. You will be deadly, my princess! But don't bite your mother, that's my prerogative."

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96

[ivyluvsyouu]

telling Gaming, XIao, Kazuha, Cyno and Itto that you're pregnant?

𝑻𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕

𝑨/𝒏: 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚, 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊'𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊'𝒎 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔!!

𝑮𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈

He was eating his lunch when you told him, and he nearly choked on his food. "You're what?!" he said in between coughing. "I'm pregnant..." you said again. He put his fork down and got up and ran over to hug you. "This is wonderful news!!" He said, He was so excited he didn't know what to do with himself. "Do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl!? I wonder what the baby will look like...What do you think they'll be like!?" He said excitedly. You laughed at how excited he was and pulled him into another hug. "I don't know Gaming; we'll just have to wait and see..." you said happily.

𝑿𝒊𝒂𝒐

Xiao had just gotten home from patrolling the city and it was late at night. You asked if you could talk to him, he nodded and sat down on the bed with you. "Xiao I'm pregnant." you said. Xiao looked at you, he was absolutely dumbfounded, he didn't know what to say. He had never imagined having a relationship until he met you. And he certainly never imagined having children. For a moment you didn't know if he was happy or not and you gave him a worried look which seemed to snap him back into reality. He pulled you into his arms and rested his chin on your shoulder. "I'm happy..." He reassured you. While he was happy, he was also scared at the same time, He knew you would be an amazing mother, but he didn't think he would be a good father and you knew that Xiao was scared. You could tell by the expression on his face. "You'll do just fine, Xiao" you reassured him.

𝑲𝒂𝒛𝒖𝒉𝒂

You and Kazuha were relaxing at a hot spring in Inazuma. It was kind of late so you two were the only ones there and you were laying on his shoulder while he was telling you about how his day went. When he finished, he kissed your cheek and asked, "How was your day, My love?" You smiled and responded. "It was good. I found out that I'm pregnant earlier today." You said waiting for his reaction. He was looking up at the sun setting while you talked and when he heard that you were pregnant, he quickly turned his head and looked at you in shock. "Did I hear that right?" He asked and you nodded. He smiled and hugged you tightly. "This is wonderful news, dear." He said as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck for a moment. Once he pulled away you looked at him and you realized he was tearing up a little bit, "Oh, Kazuha don't cry..." you said wiping a tear from his cheek away. "There not sad tears my love..." He said pulling you into another hug.

𝑪𝒚𝒏𝒐

You asked Cyno if he wanted to go on a walk for a little while and he happily accepted your offer and in the middle of the walk, you told him that you had something to tell him. "Cyno, I'm pregnant" he stopped walking and turned to you. "Really?" he said, you nodded, and he smiled and hugged you tightly. He was so excited to meet the baby and he was so excited to be a father. "You have no idea how excited and happy I am." He said as he kissed you. "Now, let's get you home, it's late and I'm sure all this walking is making you tired."

𝑰𝒕𝒕𝒐

You found out you were pregnant when Itto was out with his gang. He wasn't supposed to be home for hours and you couldn't wait that long, so you went to go get him. Itto looked up from what he was doing, and a big toothy grin appeared on his face when he saw you walking towards him. "Hey babe!! whatcha doing here??" He said, getting up and running over to kiss you. "Itto, I need to talk to you..." You said, you seemed pretty serious so the grin on his face dropped and he nodded. You pulled him away from his gang for a moment and you looked up at him. "I'm pregnant" you said. He had a dumbfounded look on his face for a few seconds, then that big toothy grin appeared again, and he picked you up and twirled you around in his arms. "This is great babe!!" He said as put you down and kissed you. He took you by your hand and led you back to his gang. "Guess what guys!! Y/n's pregnant!!!" He said happily. Itto's gang congratulated the both of you and you all spent the rest of the afternoon together and around 7pm the rest of the gang went home and once you and Itto were alone together Itto turned you and smiled at you. "Cmon babe we should head home, I'm getting tired." he said as he took your hand in his.

[sunnycanvas]

Hello^^ I have been following your blog for a while and like that you want to explore different concepts with Baldwin IV👑🩵

If you don’t mind, would you like to write either a short drabble or Hcs of Baldwin comforting his wife after a really difficult birth? Like, it all turned out okay, the wife is alive, albeit very exhausted, the Baby came out to be strong and healthy, etc. but it was a very risky and long labor, and the physicians weren’t sure if she and the child were going to make it yk? After all, giving birth was highly risky back then, with a much higher mortality rate.

Anyway, I hope you are having a great day and keep up the good work🥳🌈✨

Yelp! It went longer that I expected. Hopefully it lives upto mark. Thank you for your support and happy reading

It felt so peaceful. So dark. I was exhausted and felt solace in darkness. However in my deep slumber I heard a sound of weeping. Someone calling my name. Begging me to come back. "Your grace the queen is fine but really exhausted" "Please let her sleep" "She needs rest to regain strength" . I think I heard some shouts and I don't remember much after that except the fact that I tried opening my eyes but I felt so tired. When I was finally able to open my eyes. I felt my mouth open and chest sweaty huffing desperate to get fresh air. "When did this happen" I thought. It almost felt like a dream .My head was spinning. My throat felt dry. I tried moving a bit when I could feel sticky wet substance below my waist I tried moving my legs again but realised that I was too exhausted to do so . "What's happening" I thought again worried.

"My wife is finally awake, quickly get some water"

My husband took the glass of water from widwife. Baldwin IV made me sit upright as he quickly fed me water. Baldwin IV didn't realise in state of panic how fast he was being in feeding me water. I started coughing as result

"Easy love". He gently rubbed my back as he handed back glass of water to midwife. My husband started kissing me all over my face and then hugged me tightly.

"Darling, you made it" "I am really happy" "When I saw you laying down like that l" "I was so scared, I thought I will never see you again" I could feel my shoulder getting wet from his tears as Baldwin IV kissed my hair while speaking to me. I remembered that when I was going through difficult labour. Although the baby came out alive and strong they weren't sure I would make it. After hearing this I lost consciousness

Remembering about the baby I asked where is the baby right now. Baldwin IV replied that our child was fine and is currently with the midwife who was taking care of baby

"Moment I heard one of the midwife saying that perhaps you might not survive I grew anxious and prayed to God on my knees for some miracle"

I got really scared remembering the pain I had to bear while screaming in agony. I got really nervous realising how close I was knocking at death's door. My husband the king, Baldwin IV was able to comprehend my emotional state. Without hesitation he took off his white cloak and covered me in it. He hugged me again and started drawing circles on arm while singing a lullaby. It worked and I felt myself getting calmer. "My love I am here" "I'll be there to protect you, even if it's my own battle". Hearing this I immediately voiced my thoughts "It had been a tough experience" ."We will have more children I swear it, it would be better for everyone"

"Was that the reason why you decided to have a baby"

"......."

Baldwin IV understood the meaning behind my silence. Baldwin IV sat on the bed and said "Yes, it's true that I always wanted to have a family of my own but long before I accepted my fate as leper and decided to live my life in chasity" "I am willing to go back to same life" "I thank God every day that you came in my life perhaps God gave you difficult labour because I was being greedy"

"No, love". "The kingdom needs a heir" "And I will give birth to as many children as possible" Baldwin IV understood the pressure I felt as queen replied "I know my (Y/N)" "And if you feel you don't want to go through it again" "I would have no problem with that, I will happily except our child as first and last". Baldwin IV called one of his ministers and said "Tell the council that I will be taking rest, Raymond of Tripoli could rule in my place for the time being". I was about to protest but Baldwin IV put a finger against my lips shushing me. "You were left alone during your labour, but I won't be leaving you alone after I almost lost you" "Come now love, let's sleep together" "After that we will be taking a bath together and enjoy all the activities you prefer" "You need rest" "I will ensure you won't be going out of my sight for the time being". Baldwin IV got next to me and pulled me closer. "I can't sleep" I complained

"In that case I shall tell you stories of brave knights and kings". I smiled remembering Baldwin IV loved history and foundly I watched him and he excitedly recalled the history stories he learned.

[ceruleancattail]

Hewwo, what about yandere Trey and Cater as kitsune, they just both give me big fox energy

I am so sorry Anon, while I was writing this, I didn't see the Yandere.... I'm a disgrace *screaming in the corner*

We’ll give you sweet dreams until the end,

         So you’ll be with us until then, right?

Trey

Trey is caring. It’s probably ingrained into his very being at this point. Years of guarding a single town would do that to a person… or in this case, a fox.

He used to be a guardian. A soldier, standing at attention at the town’s gates, ready to turn away any foolish assailants would dare to approach.

In this day and age, he’s just another myth to the townsfolk. Nothing more but the little stone figure of a fox. A bedtime story to tell children, something to make them feel safe within the borders of the town.

If you ever get lost in the woods, the Kitsune will come, swinging his lantern. It’s filled with a ghostly blue, will-o-wisps fluttering in between the trees like butterflies. He’ll lead you out, with all his nine tails swaying with the breeze.

So if you ever get lost, Master… Please don’t hesitate to call out his name. Day or night, he’ll come for you. 

Just take Trey’s hand.

Fur brushes over your bare arm, every strand has your skin prickling, goosebumps flaring to life. Tails of emerald snake across your limbs, curling around them. As if they were wrapping you up for Christmas day. 

Shoulders stiffening, you draw it back slowly. Eyes narrowed, focused on the creature that stood before you.

Emerald green hair, cut in a short corp. A pair of fuzzy ears stood at attention, flickering in and out of existence. A pair of glasses perched precariously on the tip of his nose, held together by a desperate combination of red ribbons and tape. The glass itself was dotted with stains smeared across the lens. Despite that, the ember of his eyes still managed to shine from within. Piercing into your soul, staring into its very depths. 

An odd shape was painted on his cheek. A clover, like one used to mark a deck of poker cards. Unconsciously, you found yourself staring at its leaves. Counting them silently.

One, Faith.

Two, Hope.

Three, Love.

The fourth was missing, oddly enough. 

Luckless.

A light cough. A polite jab at your attention. He raises his hands in surrender, a disarming pose. Showing you he meant no harm. Emerald tails draw back towards him, releasing your limbs from their embrace.

A moment of silence passed, before he spoke. A low, gravelly voice that carried a certain authority with it. Reminiscent of a tired brother’s tone, exasperated at their siblings' antics, followed by a tinge of fondness. A tender, gentle sort of tone that just sets you at ease. Slowly, you felt your shoulders relaxing, arms dropping back to your sides.

“ Are you lost ? ”

He asks, brows frowning in concern.

Somewhat hesitantly, you shake your head. The fox tilts its head, surprised at your response. He leans forward, forehead barely brushing against yours. You could feel his breath waft over your face. Warm. 

He was warm.

“ Well, that's certainly odd. There’s nothing much to see in these woods. ” 

Chuckling to himself, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

“There’s still you, though.”

You respond.

The fox blinks, eyes widening in surprise. 

“ Me ? ”

Nodding, you give him a sheepish grin. Taken aback by your answer, a faint pink blossomed on his cheeks, spreading to the very tips of his ears. He opens his mouth, yet all the words die on the very tip of his tongue, plunging face first into the silence. His tails sway nervously, swishing from the left to the right.

Eyelids fluttering shut, he takes a deep breath. Calming his nerves. A weight presses itself into your cheek. Fingers edging under your chin, the fox tilts it upwards gently. The warmth of his hand surged into your skin, the blade of his nails grazing your face ever so slightly.

Taking a good look at you for the first time. The little one who wandered into those empty woods in search of him. Despite himself, that made him a little happy.

“ You’ve certainly found me, little one. Trey Clover, Kitsune.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance … Master. ”

Cater

Cater was always wily. Even after all these years, he still found himself craving the attention that came from his heyday as a yokai. Concealing himself as a human was the least of his concerns.

You’ll see him mingling with the townsfolk, laughing away. He’s something of a town mystery, considering the fact that no one really knows anything about him.

He does pride himself as the village matchmaker; pinching someone’s things and slipping it into their crushes’ bag… A meddler for a good cause. Most couples in the town could be credited to him, y’know?

Do ya have someone you like, Master? He’ll pull some strings just for you…

So just take Cater’s hand, yeah?

Sometimes, convenience trumps health. Popping another piece of deep fried shiitake mushroom into your mouth, you marvelled at the flavour bursting onto your tongue. Bless Kushikatsu booths. Fast, greasy food, all speared onto a stick for the consumer’s convenience. 

The wonders of simplicity. 

 Your hands reach towards your bag, unzipping it slowly. At the whirl of the zipper coming undone, a grey blur of motion leapt out of the bag. Grim landed on your lap, paws smashing against your thighs. He lunges for the sticks, seizing another in his jaws.

Gnawing on the chicken, Grim lounges on your lap, making himself comfortable. 

“ Cute cat. Mind if I snap a few photos with him ? ”

A lighthearted laugh, as a hand reached for Grim’s furry noggin, giving it an affectionate pat. 

You turn around, only to come face to face with a pair of sea green eyes beaming at you. A red diamond was inked onto his cheeks, crinkled ever so slightly from his smile. A untruly mop of ginger hair was yanked into a loose hair tie, tugged behind his head.

You stare at the newcomer.

“ You see him ?”

Grim wasn’t exactly what you'd call normal. He was a creature, straight out of a dusty old fairy tale. You weren’t sure exactly which tale he hailed from, and Grim doesn’t seem to remember. Either way, most people won’t see anything, even if he were to stick his furry butt in their face.

This man managed to see him. Heck, touch him, even.

A groan, before he runs a hand through his hair, tousling it up. A sheepish grin plays loosely on his lips, dancing like a mirage.

“ I went and put my foot in it, huh ? ”

Slowly, a pair of ears unfurl from the top of his head. The soft ember hues of a sunset, the very end of the day. Fox’s ears, slanted at an angle. 

Something soft brushed against your elbow. One of his nine tails, spilling out from his back. Each curl into each other, forming an odd sort of cushion for both of you to lean back against.

Raising a hand, he offers it to you.

“ Cater Diamond. Local social media influencer, as well as Kitsune on duty !”

Hesitantly, you reach out. Grasping his hand, before giving it a brief shake. His claws trailed on your wrist, the ends uncomfortably sharp against your skin. 

Cater’s grip grows tighter, his grin wider. A foxy expression, filled with mischief. There was something sinister in that gaze, a predator sizing up his prey.

“ I think we’re going to be having lots of fun together, Master. ”

[cupidjyu]

the sweetener you are

hyunjae x reader (idea from the anon who requested childhood friends to lovers!)

summary: when a mysterious man moves into the apartment next door, you realize that he’s your childhood best friend who’s disappeared for years. he changed, his life seeming to have soured. but you could just be his sweetener, the one to make him smile again

genre: best friends to lovers, and boy-next-door sorta thing, hurt/comfort for him because he deserves the world, nightmares, healing, one bed trope, youre forced to move in with him hahaha am i evil, back hugs, he acts "drunk" when tired (dont ask why, it was just an excuse to write him being clingy), hes flirty ish and teasing, hes shirtless for like one second (BECAUSE.), sleepy love confessions, kissing, is there tension? i can't tell myself, “sweetheart” good god notes: school started so expect much much less after this... so see you in a bit 🥲🥲but hope u enjoy!!! this is literally just yumi who needs to stop writing long interpretations of their love for hyunjae in the form of fics + song inspo! word count: 12.7k

You coughed. You choked. And then you glared straight at Younghoon who was staring back in complete alarm. Setting the unfinished glass down on the counter with a loud clink, you clenched your jaw with unspoken curse words that threatened to escape your lips.

“This tastes like dirt,” You garbled out. Rushing over to one of your cupboards, you pulled out one of those small sugar packets that you liked to swipe from those cute coffee shops. If it was free, why not take a few? Ripping the paper open, you poured it into the drink that didn’t even look like it belonged on this planet. It was both… green and yellowish-blue at the same time.

Younghoon gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth dramatically. “That’s not healthy!”

“But it tastes so bad,” You whined. “It needs a sweetener.”

He glared, dragging his hand all the way down his jaw in an unattractive way. “It’s an herbal drink. It’s meant to taste bad. Think of all the health benefits you could’ve gotten out of that without the sugar.”

“You made this?” You scrunched up your face in disgust.

“No, I–” He laughed nervously. “My mom did. I promised her I would finish it.”

You narrowed your eyes. “And you couldn’t because it tasted so bad. So you’re making me finish it.”

He gave you a pained smile as he stepped away. “I– who said that?”

“Why’re we even friends?” You questioned before jabbing a finger at the door. “Get out.”

Younghoon pouted but he eventually obliged, opening the apartment door. “You still owe me money for that overpriced tiny piece of cake by the way.”

“It tasted good!” You shot back.

“It did not.” He sighed. “It’s just you with your horrible sweet tooth. Don’t even– hey…” You noticed him peeking out of your door and into the hallway. And then he leaned back in, searching your face with wonder. “Someone’s moving in next door.”

You brightened with interest at that, practically jumping off where you were sitting on the kitchen counter. Bounding over to the door, you poked your head out under Younghoon’s, just like they did in the cartoons. Squinting your eyes, all you could see was a tall man with a cap on that covered most of his face. 

“Who’s that?” Younghoon said, slightly too loud for your liking.

With a groan, you elbowed him in the ribs. “Shh…how would I know? Though... he does look better than that old dude who constantly yelled at those courtroom TV shows like he was the judge.” It was like the apartment next to yours was cursed. Magic wasn’t real here. Or at least, in this world. But you still believed that a witch had strolled by and casually placed a hex on Apt 245 for the fun of it. For the time that you’ve been here, you’ve seen about five people move in there. And they were never happy. 

Once, there were two parents who had to deal with multiple children who would not stop crying. You hadn’t slept a wink the whole time they were there. They did receive a noise complaint though. Another time, there was a teenager who couldn’t even properly pay off the rent. He didn’t have a job. But he could somehow afford the loudest speaker where he would play the most gut-wrenching, saddest music ever. He got evicted.

But this man… well–he looked decent. Really. No evident curse here. Or at least, yet. When he turned around, you could see that he was very tall and… broad. Apparently, that was the first thing you noticed. He also seemed to pick up the moving boxes with ease and when he had stepped just the slightest to the side, you could see the impossibly perfect slope of his nose. Also a very odd thing to notice.

Younghoon grasped your arm, pulling you back into your own apartment.

“Don’t fall in love.”

You gaped at him. “What? I don’t even know who he is.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But he’s tall. And broad. And has a nice nose. I know you. I know your type.”

Shit.

“You do know me,” You mumbled sheepishly. “But still!” You poked him harshly. “I won’t fall in love. I probably won’t even see him for like– a month. Or he’s going to be cursed and moved out like the others. Don’t worry.”

Your friend narrowed his eyes in skepticism but he eventually nodded. “As long as you don’t bump into him tomorrow or something.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Of course. I won’t fall in love.”

You didn’t fall in love. You fell onto the floor.

And you also happened to bump into him the next day ironically enough.

If only—if only—you decided to pick up your mail yesterday like you were supposed to, this wouldn’t have happened. And by this, you meant being distracted by a cup that rolled out of your new neighbor’s door and then walking straight into his chest. 

You squeaked in horror. “I’m sorry!” And then you stepped backwards, tripped on your badly-timed untied shoelace, and ended up on the floor in the middle of the hallway.

When you looked up, there was a pretty hand that reached out to help you up. Taking it with burning cheeks, you could finally see what this man looked like up close and without a cap.

And you would have expected maybe one of those boy-next-door romantic moments where you would fall into his arms and start dating the next day. Oh, and also kiss and eventually get married. But no, you—

“Hyunjae?”

The man—Hyunjae—gaped at you with comically wide eyes. 

“Y/n,” He breathed out.

As long-lost childhood friends, the most sensible thing to do was ask how he was. But you often defied expectations, positively or negatively, and so instead you lunged forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling him into a tight hug.

Hyunjae, whom you’ve known since you were just young kids, has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. He used to be on the elementary school track team while you… were on the bleachers trying to tell the difference between subtraction and addition. But luckily, Hyunjae was both a smart and kind kid and so he had stopped in the middle of his running to sit with you and teach what your teacher couldn’t do properly.

He was always one year older, always more mature and experienced. But he tended to throw that away just for you and join in on playing games with you when he should’ve been studying for an exam. But he did so to cheer you up. He was sweet like that and you adored spending your afternoons after school with him.

The two of you even got to experience those dreadful high school years together, except there was always that haunting realization—that he would eventually graduate first. But he always reassured you.

“It’s just one year, silly,” He joked, pulling you into a side hug, one that perfectly portrayed his understanding of your worries. “I’ll text and call you all the time. Promise.”

Promises were often broken and this wasn’t any different. For when he had left for college, he never contacted you ever again. You had tried to reach out, but he never responded. And so, for your whole college term, you never saw Lee Hyunjae, your supposed “best friend,” ever again.

And you should have been mad—no, furious to see him again. You should have pushed him away and went on with your life while skillfully avoiding him. But just the simple sight of him brought back all those fond memories–baking cupcakes, falling asleep together just after screaming over a horror movie, holding each other when life just gets too much... And so you found yourself buried into his chest, holding him tightly.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered again, shutting your eyes in both contentment and fear of him pushing you away again. 

But you felt two hands snake around your middle, hugging you back. There were a million questions running through your mind at that moment, wondering why he had disappeared but welcomed you so easily. But you set them aside, choosing to just melt into his still familiar embrace.

Finally though, you managed to pull away, looking at him with a fond smile. He smiled back. He had grown even more handsome than before. He managed to become taller, broader, and more charming all at once. His features were sharp, more mature. Something about him–the way he was dressed in a literal suit–really portrayed to you that he really was an adult now, as opposed to the teenager who procrastinated on science projects.

“How are you?” He smiled, almost too polite for your liking. You could see the way he stood, awkwardly and with fidgeting hands. And that was when it all hit you like a truck.

Your eyebrows suddenly furrowed, your lips pulled into a scowl, and your eyes narrowed as you stepped forward. “How am I? No. How could you–” You banged a fist on his firm chest. “–leave me–” Another punch. “–like that–” He stepped back in growing alarm. “–and act all polite and uneasy as if we weren’t best friends for years?” Both of your fists lingered on his chest, your strength growing weak from frustration. 

“Y/n, I–” He winced.

“Actually, I hate you.” You glared. But your words differentiated from your actions when your hand came to smooth down his crumpled tie. “I don’t want to see you ever again. You’re an absolute asshole and I–” But your eyes met with his, his gaze amused and soft. And then you sniffled, looking down at the ground, the urge to cry suddenly overcoming you.

Hyunjae laughed quietly. “I’m sorry. If you would allow me to explain?”

“Great,” You grumbled. “Then do so. Since you’ve owed me an explanation after all these years.”

He glanced at his watch. “I have work. Tomorrow, maybe? Trust me.”

You looked at him in bewilderment. “Work? But you haven’t even unpacked yet.” You eyed his apartment with the door open. There were multiple boxes strewn about, some not even open yet.

“Emergencies,” He sighed. That was when you noticed just how exhausted he looked. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” You stuttered. “Okay. I– good luck?”

Hyunjae smiled, pinching your cheek just like he had done all those years ago. He seemed to be completely unfazed over the fact that you just punched him in anger. “Thank you.” And he was locking the door behind him and heading for the elevator. But just as he was walking away, you felt the need to call something out. Just a few words.

“Hyunjae?” You said.

He turned around, tilting his head. You never knew just how well work attire suited him. He looked almost… attractive. But god, what were you thinking?

“I missed you.”

He smiled but he never quite gave you a response as the elevator ding had interrupted him. Instead, he just gave you a small wave. 

It was odd. Awkward. But one step at a time, you figured. It’s been years after all.

The next day, as promised, he had shown up to your door. This time, since it was the weekend, he was wearing a simple white shirt. One that still never failed to accentuate his broad shoulders.

But initially, you thought it was Younghoon and not a guy who you haven’t seen for multiple years. So you may or may not have opened the door with your hair like a bird’s nest and your sleepwear on that… wasn’t meant for the general public to see. Apparently, Hyunjae fits in the general public category now. Best friend? No, you hate him.

Kind of.

Not really.

Stumbling to the door, you flung it open, your eyes barely open. Immediately, you were met with the sight of just. Long legs. Not very helpful.

“Who–” And then you looked up, only to meet Hyunjae’s eyes. Choking on your spit, you straightened up. “Hello,” You blurted out in a monotone voice.

He raised an eyebrow and tilted his chin down with amusement. “And who’s the uneasy one now?”

“Sorry, I…” Your eyes trailed down to what you were wearing. With an internal gasp, you stepped backward. “I’m going to– change.”

He widened his eyes and then his gaze also traveled down. His cheeks were oddly red and he cleared his throat, looking away.

You cringed and shut the door in his face before he could even say anything.

Now in proper clothes that were for the general public, you opened the door again. He was still standing there with that same smile. The same kind, caring one he always regarded you with even when you were just kids.

“Where should we talk?” You asked. 

His eyes glanced over to his own door. “My place?” He offered quietly. “I have unpacking to do.”

You stared at him silently. And then you nodded with an excited smile. “I can help.” 

“Oh no,” He laughed softly. “You don’t have to. I’m fine on my–”

“You don’t look fine,” You interrupted. And without thinking, your hand came up to cup his cheek, turning him to face you. “You look tired.”

He stared at you wordlessly before sighing. “I guess I am.”

“So let me help.” You grinned. “I’m using my vacation days from work right now anyway.”

He could only mutter a shy “okay” as he opened the door for you to enter. Looking around, you found that the only things that he had unpacked lacked much of any personality. He took out the necessities and a bunch of… work. Papers, a computer, work suits and the like.

“You seem busy,” You remarked as you walked over to the box labeled “decorations” only for there to literally be one single plant that looked like it needed to be watered. In fact, it was on the brink of death. Immediately, your face was contorting in worry and you turned to where he was just standing at the entrance with an embarrassed expression. “What… happened to your initial dream?”

He approached you and peered into the box. “What dream?”

“The one where you wanted to have a place full of pretty plants.”

“Yeah well,” He laughed bitterly. “Circumstances change aspirations.”

You gulped nervously at his change of tone. Something was bothering him. Something, in particular, caused him to move here. You led him to the couch and sat next to him.

“So what is it? Why did you cut everyone off and– disappear?” You asked cautiously.

He looked at you for a long minute like he was trying to figure out a response for himself. And finally, he just sighed in defeat.

“Problems.”

“Like what?” You prodded.

“A lot. And I wouldn’t want to lay them all on you.” He gave you a weak smile. You regarded him with a soft look in your eyes, searching his face for any sort of answer. All you could see was a flame that had long been put out.

“Then tell me one.”

“One?” He bit his lip nervously. “One…”

“Just one,” You said gently.

“Like the one where the place I used to work at didn’t treat me right? That they refused to give me anything?” He mumbled, his voice trailing off with embarrassment. “So I moved here so that I could get away? That one?” 

You froze at his words. You processed them and that was when it began to make sense. He wasn’t going to work yesterday. He was going to an interview. His computer was open to job openings and the papers weren’t reports. They were resumes.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. But he was already distancing himself, standing up from the couch. You gazed at him with concern as you stood up, only for him to take a step backward.

“Why are you…” You frowned. “It’s okay, you know. Did you think I would look at you any differently?”

His jaw clenched. “Well, I did cut you off because I didn’t want to worry you. You always told me I would be successful, the best. So how exactly could I face you after they…”

“That’s not your fault. And I’m sorry for putting that on you,” You mustered, stepping closer. This time, he didn’t step away. He allowed you to do anything. He let you trail a hand down to his wrist, holding it gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me more. I’m sorry.”

He watched you with slight surprise, and with his lips pulled into a straight line, he whispered a small, “I should be the one who’s sorry.”

You shook your head with a smile. “Don’t be.”

He stayed silent at that, simply studying your features. You could tell he still wanted to apologize. But then the corner of his lips lifted slightly. “You grew up.” His tone was gentle, so kind, just like you’ve always known. It was a little quieter than before though, more closed off as if he was afraid–scared of what you would think of him.

You laughed bashfully. “And so did you.” Your hand trailed up to his shoulder. “Did you start working out?”

He smirked. “Why, do you like my progress?”

You snorted. “Could improve.”

He scoffed yet he only looked at you with fondness. The two of you simply stood there, in the midst of his empty apartment, just staring at each other. And then you giggled. He laughed as well before reaching forward and pulling you into his arms, squeezing you so tight that you felt the air leave your lungs.

“Ah–” You choked. “Hyunjae. You’re killing me.”

“I’m showing you my newfound strength,” He joked, stepping away. You were about to refute but instead, you felt your gaze wandering to his arms. Since when were they so toned and–

“Very funny,” You weakly replied. Escaping from his persisting soft gaze, you stepped away and approached the various boxes. “What can I help you with?”

Hyunjae didn’t have much. Apparently, all those large boxes contained about three small things. 

“I overestimated,” He replied with a sheepish smile when you asked.

Most of his things were put away yet when you looked around, the apartment was void of any joy or charm. The only boxes that were left were his clothes which he claimed he could do another day. After putting away his single cup and plate–that’s all he had apparently–you turned around only to see that he was crouched, bending towards that same plant that you pointed out. Its leaves were drooping and the stem wilting, as his fingers gently prodded at it. When you looked closely, you could see a melancholy look on his face, a small frown tugging on his lips.

It was true, that Hyunjae had many dreams when he was younger. That was normal for many people. But to witness it all dissipate before your sight, no sign of light behind his eyes, you couldn’t help but feel your heart clench.

Walking over, you crouched down next to him. He gave you a forced smile.

“Kind of sad,” He remarked with a disappointed sigh. “I bought it only for me to fail to take care of it.”

“You can always buy another one.”

“Mhm,” He hummed dully. “Sure.” 

You watched him wordlessly, observing the way his gaze fell when one of the leaves broke off. Shaking your head, you suddenly stood up.

“Let’s go out.”

He looked up at you in surprise. “What?”

“I’ll be your tour guide of the town,” You joked. “I know everything.”

Standing up with you, he stole a glance at his phone. “I can’t.”

“Why?” You pouted.

“I’m waiting for my result from the interview.”

You sighed and took his wrist in yours, pulling him to the door. “You need to get your mind off that for a second.”

“But–”

“Please?” You looked up at him, even batting your eyelashes. “Just for a moment?” You also exaggerated a pout.

He blinked in shock, his eyes trailing over your expression. “What are you doing?”

“Making you feel bad. Is it working?” You held back a grin.

He huffed out a laugh. “Definitely. Fine, just for a moment.”

You grinned and you were already pulling on your shoes and bounding out the door, leaving Hyunjae to smile to himself.

“This is a convenience store.” You pointed at it with a bright smile.

He rolled his eyes. “I know what a convenience store is.”

You laughed and led him to the next block before abruptly stopping. “This is the karaoke bar,” You said, pointing at the nearby building.

“Fun,” He muttered.

“We should go one day.” You smiled. “Actually no.” You scowled. “I got drunk there once and I think they banned me because I was dancing on the tables.”

Hyunjae turned to you in slight shock. “You? Drunk?”

“What?” You widened your eyes in surprise. “What is it?”

“I just… you always said that you hated the taste of alcohol,” He replied in wonder.

“Times change.” You grinned, nudging his shoulder. He gave you a small smile back.

Then, you led him to your favorite spot. The central park in the middle of town. It was a beautiful day out, the sky bright and blue. You loved to sit at one of the benches, watching birds fly by or kids play happily on the playground. 

“Wait here.” You patted the seat. And then you were running off, nowhere to be seen. Hyunjae simply sat there, observing the calm atmosphere. When you came back, you were holding a stick of cotton candy in your hand. It was large, almost covering your whole face. Hyunjae chuckled, taking it from you so you wouldn’t trip on the ground.

“Aren’t we too old for this?” He questioned.

You shook your head. “I still love it.”

He took a bite and turned to look at you with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s so sweet.”

“That’s why it’s good!” You stared at him like he was the craziest man alive.

“It’s because you’ve always had a sweet tooth.” He frowned, gently placing it back in your hands. 

“Fine,” You scoffed. “If that’s how you treat your best friend.” And you were taking a bite on the opposite side. When you pulled it away from your face, you were startled by a loud laugh. From Hyunjae, specifically. Turning to him with wide eyes, you could even see him smiling.

It was not like the other smiles that you’ve seen so far. Those ones were small, lacking much of any emotion. But this one was wide, full with amusement and happiness.

“Wha– oh,” You huffed, realizing that there was cotton candy on your nose. Hyunjae laughed even louder and suddenly he was leaning in to gently wipe it off with his finger.

“Cutie,” He whispered fondly, his other hand gently cupping the side of your face.

Your heart stuttered at the word. “Wh-what?”

He gulped, pulling away like he was burned. “Oh, I…”

You quickly recovered, instead scooching even closer to him so that your shoulders were touching. “You think I’m cute? Even when I’m all grown up?”

“Always.”

“I missed your smile,” You stated as the two of you were walking back to the apartment complex.

You had expected him to point out that he had smiled other times before. But instead, he gazed at you with soft eyes.

“I did too. It’s been a while since I’ve felt so happy,” He said. “All thanks to you.”

“Of course!” You beamed, looping an arm with his before pulling him closer. “You can always count on me.”

He didn’t respond this time. But his expression said it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, was all you could see in his dark brown eyes. Smiling, you bumped your body playfully against his.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” You asked.

Again, you found yourself in his apartment the next day. Apparently, he had just gotten back from running and he needed to take a shower. So, you were looking through his boxes full of clothes. You sorted through them, folding them until you came across a hoodie. You didn’t recognize it, but the fabric of it was so… soft and warm. Your hands held onto it, contemplating what it would feel like if you just–

The door to the bathroom creaked open. You gasped and shoved it behind you, greatly hoping that he didn’t notice you staring at it longingly. But alas, you just had to have slow reflexes at this moment.

“Do you like it?” He asked. “Put it on.” 

You laughed awkwardly, turning to face him, only for your protests to come stuttering to a stop. Your eyes trailed down from his damp hair to his… whole torso. His bare torso. He was shirtless. Right out of the shower, water droplets sitting prettily on his collarbones, traveling all the way down to his chest and his– he definitely works out. 

“Oh,” You breathed out, your cheeks flushing red as you frantically looked away. This was not how you expected to reunite with your best friend after so long. 

“Sorry,” He replied, his voice low. “My shirt’s in there.”

You nodded, refusing to look up. It was quiet for a moment, too quiet that you contemplated just shoving his clothes into his hands while dutifully avoiding the sight of his bare chest. 

But then he was right beside you and he smelled so, so good as he leaned over you, his hand gently grasping your waist. To take a shirt. Very unnecessary but it still left you inhaling sharply. Feeling yourself go dizzy as you stood there, eyes trained on the ground, and every single muscle in all of human anatomy completely rigid until you were sure he was properly dressed.

Taking a peek, you were met with his teasing smile.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” You mustered.

“You were staring weren’t you?” He leaned even closer, his eyes searching yours with amusement. His hand gently lifted your chin up, making you swallow thickly at the way he was gazing at you with a small smirk. 

“I wasn’t,” You whispered shakily.

“Hm,” He hummed. “You look a little flushed though.”

“It was nothing,” You shoved him away, feeling like your face was on fire. “You shouldn’t just walk around like that. It’s…”

“Mhm.” He only continued to smile wider. “Whatever you say.”

You groaned, abruptly turning away to hide your reddening cheeks. But then your eyes landed back on that same hoodie.

“I know that look on your face,” He teased, picking it up. “You like it.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay,” He simply replied, shrugging and turning around. You were just about to question his suspiciously short response when out of nowhere, he whipped back around and pulled the hoodie over you. Immediately, you were encompassed in warmth and– did he always smell this good? And why was he staring at you so softly with that stupid fond smile and why was your heart beating a mile a minute and–

“Hyunjae,” You groaned. “What was that for?”

But he stayed silent, simply examining you wearing his clothes. You tilted your head.

“Do I look good?”

His breath hitched and now it was him with reddening cheeks as he backed away. You stifled a laugh as you stepped forward, cornering him against the edge of the kitchen counter.

“And I know that look on your face,” You teased back. “You like it.”

His eyes fluttered, almost like he was fighting the urge to look over your body once again. He inhaled deeply and then he straightened, leaning over you this time. With a subtle smile, he whispered something that left shivers down your spine.

“I love it.”

Oh my god. You treaded backwards, suddenly feeling conscious of everything. His eyes on you–all over you–the way the shirt clung to his body, the rushing thought of the fact that you saw him without it on just a few minutes ago–everything came over you like a bucket of ice water.

“I–” With wide eyes, he only continued to approach you, the scent of his shampoo overcoming you quickly. You couldn’t come up with a comeback anymore. At first, you thought that this was just friendly banter, the type that you guys would do in the school cafeteria. But this–this was something different. With the way he was looking at you with darkening eyes, you weren’t quite sure this was that “friendly banter” thing anymore.

“Shut up,” You blurted out as you pulled the hoodie off you and thrust it into his chest.

“Why?” He grinned. “I like this game.”

You raised your eyebrows. “What game is this exactly?”

“The game of making the other person flustered.” 

You stood there for a moment, thinking. You couldn’t quite come up with a verbal comeback. So you could instead…

Taking a step forward, you hooked a hand around the back of his neck, letting your touch linger there for a moment. A stuttering breath was caught thickly in his throat as he looked down at you in bafflement.

And then you let your fingertips trail around, down his neck, across his collarbone, slightly pulling down the hem of his shirt and stopping just at his chest where you could feel his heart thump erratically.

Your trace on his skin left sparks flying in your heart and when you had looked up, you knew that Hyunjae was experiencing the same thing.

He was looking down at you, completely speechless and his eyes round in shock. You smiled in triumph, leaning close to one of his reddening ears.

“Then I win.”

And you were heading for the door. But just as you turned around, you could see Hyunjae who was still leaning against the counter, cheeks now red as he stared down at the ground. You giggled, closing the door behind you.

The next time you saw Hyunjae, unsurprisingly, he looked exhausted again. In fact, he didn’t even recognize you at first with how he was gazing off into space rather than unlocking his own door.

“Come over tonight,” You offered.

He raised an eyebrow. “To do what?”

You choked. “Not that. Movie night!” You winked, patting his shoulder before leaving for the grocery store. You made sure to mentally add popcorn to your list.

And so, when it was pitch dark at night, you had opened your door to Hyunjae, fidgeting nervously at the entrance. You laughed, grabbing his wrist and pulling him in.

“Don’t be nervous.” You grinned. “It’s just me.”

As you set up the movie, you couldn’t help but notice Hyunjae looking around your apartment. He seemed to be taking in all of your decorations, and the fact that you had more than one cup and plate. You smiled.

“We can go shopping if you want,” You spoke up. “For your apartment.”

He glanced at you in shock. But he eventually nodded with a small smile, that same one you noticed that he often forced when he was tired and down.

Now sitting on the couch, side-by-side but never quite touching, the two of you watched a movie. It was a comfortable silence and whenever you would glance at Hyunjae, he would notice and turn his attention back to you. And every time you would make eye contact, you made sure to give him a bright smile, one that showed him that “I’m always here for you.”

"Staring?" He teased.

"In fact I am," You replied. "Forget the movie, you're the award-winning feature."

He laughed again. The same bright one at the park.

"I didn't take you to be such a flirter," He remarked.

"I'm not," You refuted. "You really are amazing."

He gave you a smile that wasn't so convincing. "If you say so."

Near the resolution of the film, you found yourself scooching over to him, letting your shoulders touch. But that wasn’t exactly enough, so you lifted his arm so that you could rest your head on his chest, his body warmth easily spreading to yours.

“What are you doing?” He muttered.

For a second, you thought he might actually be annoyed. But, when you looked up, you could see his softening eyes and the slight blush on his cheeks. You huffed in amusement and you only persisted, snuggling close to his chest. Eventually, he gave up on the whole tough act and he let his arm wrap around you, rubbing your arm in up-and-down motions.

You didn’t notice that you had fallen asleep.

Though you did briefly remember two… moments. One of them was him cautiously bringing you to your bed. The other being a warm hand softly caressing your cheek.

You woke up alone. Good! Who else did you expect? Rubbing your eyes, there was a constant sound ringing in your ears. The doorbell, you groaned. Stumbling to the door, you were hoping maybe… Hyunjae? But instead, it was your landlord. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern.

She sighed, shaking her head.

“Bad news.”

When it was Hyunjae this time who had invited you over, you were pleasantly surprised. Opening the door, you could see him sitting at the table, staring intently at his computer.

Tilting your head, you were about to ask what he was looking at. But then he suddenly jumped up, the chair almost falling over. There was a bright smile on his face as he rushed over to you.

“Hyunjae?” You looked at him in confusion.

“I got the job,” He exclaimed. “I got it.”

“You did?” You gasped. “That’s so– that’s amazing! Congratul–” You inhaled sharply when you felt two hands grasp onto your waist. And suddenly, your whole world shifted once you realized that he was literally picking you up and twirling you around. You laughed shyly as you allowed him to, watching fondly at the way he smiled so, so freely.

Once he had slowed down, there was an impending thought in the back of your mind that appeared from all of the adrenaline. He could put you down and you could lean in and maybe… maybe– press your lips to his as an extra cheer. Mentally slapping yourself, you felt your cheeks grow hot. Again, what were you thinking?

His hands were still on your waist, the both of you out of breath. You smiled, giggling softly. He smiled back, his eyes bright and sparkling.

“I’m proud of you,” You finally said.

“It’s all thanks to you,” He replied.

“Hm, well,” You huffed. “Guess who lost their apartment.”

He gaped at you. “What?”

“Not permanently,” You groaned. “But there’s been a technical problem that has to be investigated and fixed. So I can’t stay there for the meantime.”

He looked at you, deep in thought. And then his hands tightened on your waist. “Then stay here with me.”

Now it was your turn to gawk at him. “What?”

“Please.” He smiled. “I owe you.”

You blushed. “I didn’t do much.”

“You did.” He walked forward, nearly caging you against the wall. “Everything. You’ve helped me get this job.” Another step forward. “I’m indebted to you.”

“H-hyunjae,” You stuttered, trying your best to avoid stealing a glance at his lips.

“Just temporarily.”

You made a mental pro and con list. Pros–He was your childhood best friend meaning that he knew you best. Cons–what if things changed? What if you… fell? And you didn’t mean physically.

With a hesitant sigh in defeat, you responded quietly. 

“Temporarily.”

When you and Hyunjae had art class together, you learned a little bit more about him. He was always the one who enjoyed the sketching, the outlining with the black pen, and shading in grey. You, on the other hand, were the one who would color in between those lines with vibrant colors, brightening the picture into something truly complete. 

That was how you complimented each other. People often painted him out to be cold and blunt, but you always saw past that. It was always you who thought that he was the sweetest person you’ve ever met–the one who took care of you when you were sick and who pulled you away from passing cars.

Just like one of those art projects, you began to liven up his apartment with your own things. Of course, you didn’t bring everything, but the simple pieces of your toothbrush next to his and your coat hung up on the rack, were enough to make the puzzle feel just complete.

Soon enough, the evening came which brought the dilemma of where you would sleep.

“The couch,” Hyunjae spoke up, walking out of the bathroom again, with damp hair. But at least he was fully clothed this time. Still, that vision was practically ingrained into your mind.

“You’re right.” You nodded in agreement. “I’ll–”

“Not you,” He huffed. “Me.”

“Oh,” You breathed out. Abruptly you stood up in defiance. “No!” You blurted out. “That’s rude.”

He looked at you entirely unimpressed. “I’m being a good host. A gentleman.”

“Exactly.” You scowled. “You’re going to make me feel like I’m intruding. And look who invited me in the first place?”

He sighed, glancing at the bedroom door. “There’s only one bed.”

“Then we’ll share,” You replied, completely sure of yourself. Hyunjae didn’t respond so you lifted your chin high and walked past him and into the bedroom as odd as it may sound. However, in the corner of your eye, you could see that his ears were slightly red.

You may have underestimated the sheer awkwardness. Just a bit. Maybe a lot.

The two of you stood on either side of the bed, facing each other, contemplating the fact that this would be the first time you would be sleeping together. Actually, it wasn’t really awkward per se. It was more… hilarious. You pursed your lips, trying to stifle your laughter, while Hyunjae’s cheeks were puffed out in embarrassment.

Again, as the bolder one, you climbed under the sheets first. Still, Hyunjae was just standing, hesitating. You squinted up at him through the darkness. 

Even under the dim lighting, you could see that his cheeks were incredibly flushed. 

“I think I’ll just go back to the–” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because you were grabbing onto his hand and pulling him down into bed. He didn’t really protest though as you could sense him slowly melting into the warmth of it.

The lamp was off now and you were both succumbed to darkness. It was silent, only the sound of Hyunjae’s calm breathing. You weren’t exactly tired right now. You knew that it would take you a while to fall asleep. But that was fine! You would just wait until he fell asleep first.

Except, when you turned on your side to face him, you could see him staring back, big, round doe eyes on you. So, scratch that. And now you were cold which you weren’t used to. Your apartment was usually the perfect temperature, but this one left you shivering all over.

Unconsciously, you began to shift closer to his body. He’s always been the warm one. That used to be your strategy to not freeze to death when the two of you would walk down the winter festival together.

Suddenly though, you felt an arm across your waist and steady breathing on the side of your neck.

“Hm?” You hummed in confusion, wondering if the chest against your shoulder was just a hallucination. 

But then he replied in a quiet, lower voice.

“Is this okay?” He whispered.

Oh, this was more than okay. You were familiar with his embrace. But to feel it just moments before you fell asleep brought a sudden bout of tranquility.

“Perfect.” You smiled to yourself, curling up to his body in which he held you closer in response. It was warm, comforting, just perfect. It didn’t take you a while to fall asleep anymore. 

When you awoke, you were slightly—no, very confused about why it was still dark out. You were pretty sure the room should be bright with natural light from the sun. Or maybe you’ve just gone crazy. But that was when you glanced at the time. It was still the middle of the night.

When you turned to your side, that was also when you realized that it was Hyunjae who had woken you up. Unknowingly at that. His arm was still around your waist but this time, his hold was almost painfully tight. If you looked closely, you could see that his eyes were screwed shut, his eyebrows twitching with small stuttering breaths escaping him.

But, you’ve always heard the saying that you weren’t supposed to wake someone up from a nightmare. So you hesitated, keeping your hands close to yourself, worriedly watching. At some point, he jolted awake by himself.

Now, his breathing was even faster and he had shot up, looking around frantically. Blinking your eyes sleepily, you turned on the nearby light and sat up with him.

“Hyunjae?” You whispered, looking him over in concern.

He turned to you in a growing distraught state and he widened his eyes. “Are you–”

“It’s just me,” You muttered. “Bad dream?”

Hyunjae froze for a moment but he slowly nodded. And usually, it was you who initiated the hugs. But this time, he was the one who lunged forward, holding you close to his chest. His hands grasped onto you tightly as he buried his nose into your neck.

With the way he was holding you so tightly, so… desperately, you wondered if this had happened before. But still, you allowed him to just hold you close, your own arms coming around to gently pat his back.

You didn’t know when, but he eventually pulled away. He refused to look you in the eye and so you brought a gentle hand to the side of his face, coaxing him to face you.

“How long has this been going on for?” You frowned.

He shut his eyes. “A while.”

Your heart clenched at his quiet response. For the past few days, you had thought he was feeling better, less exhausted. But behind the bedroom door, it must be different.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” He trailed off.

“You don’t have to tell me–”

“...what they’re about.”

“Oh,” You breathed. “The nightmares?”

He nodded with tired eyes. “But while I was gone–away from you–people I’ve loved, everything I’ve cherished seemed to disappear before my eyes. It wasn’t just work it was… a lot.” His voice was quiet, hard to hear but it was loud enough that you could hear each and every heart-twisting emotion.

You stayed silent, your hand finding his to stroke the back of it soothingly.

“I felt hopeless.” He frowned. “I guess those nightmares felt like I was reliving that all over again.”

He didn’t say anything after that. You watched him cautiously, wondering what exactly to do. But then you felt his hand tighten on yours slightly and that was your cue to shift even closer.

He glanced at you with an ashamed expression that only made the pit in your stomach drop even more. Slowly, slow enough so that he could back away if he wanted to, you wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close against you. Almost instantly, he was breathing out a low sigh of relief as he nuzzled even further into your embrace.

“You’re not alone anymore,” You whispered. “And… thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

He didn’t say anything, but when he held you back, it was a perfect answer. The two of you stayed like that, in the dead of night, just holding each other until you began to feel drowsy from his warmth. It wasn’t the first time that you’ve done so. The only difference was that it was always you who needed that extra piece of comfort. It was never Hyunjae. Seeing him open up was different but something that you were most grateful for.

“I never replied to you the day we met in the hallway,” He spoke, interrupting your thoughts. 

You pondered for a moment, recalling the memory. “When I said that I missed you?”

He nodded. “I didn’t reply because I was afraid you would still be mad at me for leaving you so abruptly.”

You smiled softly and shook your head, your hand coming up to the back of his head to stroke his hair soothingly. His eyes widened slightly in shock but he quickly melted into your touch. “I was angry at first.”

He laughed quietly, though his voice was watery with unfallen tears.

“But now I’m not,” You whispered. “I promise. I’m just happy to see you again.”

He pulled away to look up at you, searching your face to make sure that you were telling the truth. When you only gazed back with utmost sincerity, he let a small smile tug on his lips.

“I missed you,” He had finally replied, answering your statement from before. “More than you know. It was hard without you.”

Your gaze softened once you noticed the sparkle of a few tears in his eyes and when he blinked, your sleeve was immediately coming up to pat his cheek, drying the ones that had broken free.

“I missed you too,” You responded and gently, you were pulling him back into bed. And this time, without hesitation, he was hooking both of his arms around you, tightening you into his chest.

“...so much,” He muttered sleepily. “I missed you so much.”

“You have me now.”

“Always.” And you felt his hand grasp yours, guiding it to where his heart was, thumping in a soothing rhythm. “In here.”

You were the first one to wake up. It seemed that Hyunjae’s nightmare and tears had left him too exhausted to even notice you unwrapping yourself from his protective embrace. And so, you took it as your duty to cook something decent for him to wake up to.

Except maybe Hyunjae did notice because he opened the door shortly after. You probably should have placed a pillow in his arms before you left. He walked out and you had to stop yourself from cooing because that would be a little bit… weird. But you couldn’t help it because the sight of his hair tousled and messy, his eyes barely opened and puffy from the tears, and his lips pouted adorably, left you smiling with endearment.

“Morning sleepyhead.” You grinned, turning the stove on. 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he shuffled over to where you were standing behind the kitchen counter. 

You tilted your head in amusement, wondering how he managed to navigate with his eyes barely open. “Are you feeling better?”

Again, still no response. You watched as he circled the counter, positioning himself behind you. And then you gasped quietly once you registered the strong arms that enveloped your waist, pulling you into a warm hug, your back now pressed up against his chest. You could even feel his nose nuzzling into the back of your neck, breathing deeply.

You simply just froze, unable to do anything. Once you realized he wasn’t going to move anytime soon, you turned the stove off and simply allowed him to hug you to his heart’s content. He let out a sleepy hum. Or was it a whine?

“You’re clingy in the morning,” You mused.

“Mhm.” Even his morning voice was cute.

And when you said sleepy, you meant it. Literally–you were pretty sure he fell asleep while back-hugging you in the middle of the kitchen. You practically had to hold on to the counter to brace his weight and when you stole a glance over your shoulder, you had to stifle a laugh. His cheek was smushed into your shoulder and his eyes shut in content.

“O–kay,” You heaved, forcing your body to turn around. And still, he would have almost collapsed into you if you hadn’t planted your hands on his shoulders to hold him up. His head lolled to the side as he peeked an eye open to look at you drowsily.

You chuckled and your hand came up to his hair to ruffle it. Immediately, he was leaning into your touch and when your hand traveled down to cup his cheek, he was nuzzling into it like a puppy.

“I missed you,” He slurred, his voice huskier than usual.

“Mm, you said that already,” You hummed teasingly, a smile threatening to spread across your lips. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He smiled lazily.

“You’re acting drunk and it’s like–” You glanced at the clock. “Seven in the morning.”

“And what about it? I missed you,” He grumbled, an adorable frown on his lips.

“Ah,” You sighed, shaking your head. “Go splash water on your face, you dummy. Then you’ll wake up properly.”

He still didn’t budge. And so, using every single ounce of your strength, you had to carry him all the way to the bathroom as he was still clinging onto you like a koala.

After a few minutes, with the sound of the bathroom sink splashing in the background, you finally managed to start cooking something. But then the door clicked open and you looked up. Hyunjae, his eyes finally open, was blushing so hard that you couldn’t even conceal your laugh anymore.

“Missed me?” You remarked.

He winced in response, his cheeks continuing to flame red.

“I don’t know what got into me,” He muttered, refusing to look you in the eye.

You beckoned him over and he finally looked up at you shyly.

“It was cute,” You teased. “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

“And what else?” He quickly recovered.

Your breath hitched. Ah, you thought. There he was. The usual Hyunjae when he was fully awake. The one who loved to tease you until you were blushing and hiding your face. 

“Don’t do this again,” You groaned.

“Do what?”

“That.”

“You’ll have to elaborate on that, sweetheart.”

You raised an eyebrow at the nickname, completely unfazed. But when your eyes traveled down, that was when you realized just how close he was. He continued to lean forward until he was caging you against the counter, both of his hands on either side of you. It wasn’t the flirting that got you, it was his body encompassing you so, so effortlessly, making you feel smaller than you really were. 

He chuckled. “Cat got your tongue?”

Oh, this is definitely how best friends act. You were one hundred percent sure about that. 

He smirked, tilting his chin down, as his hand traveled from the edge of the counter down to your hip. 

Fifty percent. 

His eyes wandering elsewhere–somewhere along the lines of your lips.

One percent.

“The breakfast is going to burn,” You stuttered.

He simply licked his lips, his gaze fixated on yours.

“I can always try something else.”

You were screwed.

The first day of Hyunjae’s new job was the very last day of your brief vacation from work. With a sigh, you scrolled through the shows and movies, only for you to ultimately turn off the TV in boredom. You weren’t going to beat around the bush and refuse to admit that you felt lonely without him. Of course, you saw him in the morning, already dressed in a suit (that fit amazingly on him, dare you add), but it was only for a short moment.

He still had nightmares but they were becoming less and less frequent. Sometimes, when they happened, you would just pull him closer and he would immediately relax with a small sigh, almost like you had the superpower to eliminate his night terrors.

And sleeping together never was awkward again. In fact, you adequately enjoyed it–his arms around you and vice versa. Did best friends regularly cuddle at night and gaze at each other for so long that your heartbeat started to speed up? That… you weren’t quite sure about.

Yawning, you found yourself lying down, spreading across the couch. You didn’t even do much today yet your eyes still threatened to shut close.

At some point, you blinked your eyelids open once you heard the door unlocking. Sitting up, you smiled softly at the sight of Hyunjae opening the door. His tie was already loose and his hair was blown up from the wind. Squinting your eyes, you then noticed that he was practically stumbling into the entrance, almost like all of his coordination had dissipated. 

His eyes were droopy and his lips pouted from what you would guess to be exhaustion. Everyone’s first day of work was like that. You watched as he set down his work bag and walked over to you, very… very slowly.

“How was work?” You questioned, looking up at him.

And just like last time, he didn’t respond. Silently, he leaned forward and literally–very literally–laid on top of you. His body weight pulled you back down to lie on the couch and his arms were snaking around you as his legs tangled with yours. Speechless, you felt as he nuzzled back into your neck, just like he’s begun to do so often now.

“You look gorgeous today,” He whispered, his voice very oddly slurred.

Your breath hitched. “Are you drunk?”

He looked up at that and you practically choked on air once you realized how close his face was to yours. And then he smiled languidly and shook his head.

“Are you sure?” You searched him for any sign–red cheeks, the scent of the alcoholic drink–yet you couldn’t find any. 

“I’m just tired,” He mumbled, planting his face back into the crook of your neck.

“Okay,” You laughed. Gently, your hand came up to his broad back to rub it in circles, the material of the suit rough and honestly quite unsatisfying. But still, you persisted once you felt his tense muscles slowly soften. Slowly though, you came to a stop. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He hummed.

“You need to take a shower,” You huffed. “C’mon.” With all of your power, you pushed him up and off you. Again, his head tilted to the side with a tired smile. You laughed and shoved him until he finally obliged and went off to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, you were left there, contemplating his strange behavior. He never acted this clingy before. Not even for the years that you’ve known him. It was only after that particular night that he started to… do this.

When he was done showering, he stepped out. You had hoped that he would be more awake now, but it seemed he was even drowsier than before–too tired to even dry his own hair. With a click of your tongue, you motioned him over to sit down. Like a puppy, his eyes brightened at the sight of you as he obediently followed.

“You’ll catch a cold,” You ridiculed with a worried frown.

After finding a towel, you stepped in between his legs. Carefully, you began to dry his damp hair, marveling at the way his hair curled up after a shower. You rubbed his scalp, making your way around and behind his ears. When you peeked at his expression, you stifled a laugh at the way he basically fell asleep under your touch.

Once you deemed his hair dry enough, you were about to walk away but instead, he abruptly stood up, swaying slightly. And then he fell forward, pulling you into a warm embrace.

You smiled fondly. “Tired?”

It seems that when Hyunjae was tired, he never answered any of your questions, funnily enough. A lot of his answers were just “I missed you” or a small hum. But this… this answer was different. It was spoken so quietly, so softly yet it perfectly resonated through your ears. 

“I love you.”

Before you could even say anything or really do anything, he was reluctantly pulling away and heading to the bedroom. Your lips parted as your eyes fixated on absolutely nothing. Just– space. Your whole body had gone rigid as you simply stood there, processing his words. You couldn’t even blink. 

Best friends… say that too, don’t they?

It started to become a pattern for the whole first week of his new job. When he was actually fully awake, he told you that the work was demanding yet he never looked so happy and content. Sometimes, you wondered what his past work was like, but you never prodded.

But, because the work was just so demanding, every single day, from Monday to Friday, he came home exhausted. And any person would expect him to just head straight for bed. But like you said, it was a pattern, a usual thing, that he would cling on to you. Apparently, something had shifted in him. Originally, when you saw him exhausted, he would become closed off. But after… that night, he acted almost intoxicated. Not on a drink. But simply off being tired.

You found it endearing actually. His voice was always quieter and he often stumbled over his words this way. His eyes were dazed and soft on yours and he also became ten times heavier as he liked to lay all of his weight on you when he pulled you into a hug. He constantly just seemed to be in a completely different mindset–one that was very… loving and… yeah– different.

He liked to say things too. Slurred and quiet, but he still very clearly said them. You could never figure out if he meant them or if he was just tired and rambling things for the fun of it.

He said “I misssed you” a lot. Occasionally, he would blurt out that you looked pretty or beautiful. Or, it would be a small “hi” accompanied by a shy smile. Sometimes, if he was too tired to say much, he would just giggle over nothing in particular. But… there was one specific phrase that he would say out of the blue.

“I love you.”

That one always left you perplexed. It could be a… platonic thing to say, right? Where did the word “love” come from? You didn’t think much of it, but you couldn’t help but feel some sort of spark of light in the very depths of your heart.

It was weird, really. An out-of-this-world, alien-like thing for a best friend to say. The words I, love, and you arranged in that particular order were never syllables Hyunjae ever let fall from his lips. He never spent any particular ounce of breath to say them. 

Yet now he did.

For some odd reason.

But again, he was just tired. Surely.

And just like before, the pattern started all over again. The week was coming to a close so maybe you wouldn’t hear those words again after this. But you didn’t really mind altogether. With a tired sigh, you walked out of the room, now changed out of your work clothes and into something more comfortable.

Right on cue, the main door was unlocking, and once again, the pattern began to unweave itself. He would walk in, with the occasional misstep and stumble. And like usual, he looked tired. Though, you envied his ability to still look… attractive. And then he would look up, search for a particular someone, and do that stupidly lazy smile–the one where his eyes weren’t focused on anything but you.

“What are you doing here?” He giggled–he giggled now, apparently.

You eyed him, completely apathetic. “You let me stay here temporarily, remember?”

He blinked at you with an adorable pout. And then he nodded. “You’re right.” He smiled. “Aren’t you smart?” He pinched your cheek. 

Scowling, you wrestled his hands off. And for the first time this week, you finally decided to question his bizarre behavior.

“Why are you acting like this?” You whined, holding him up by his arms so he wouldn’t fall over you like he had done the day before.

“Because I missed you,” He grumbled, his eyes struggling to stay open. “Now let me–”

“Agh,” You groaned. But still, your hands fell to your sides as you let him wrap his arms around your torso, bringing you close to his chest. Whatever made him happy, was your motive. And totally not, I secretly enjoy this.

It was quiet for a few moments, just the sound of his slow breathing against your earlobe. For a minute, you worried that he had fallen asleep already, but he spoke again.

“Have I mentioned how uncomfortable this suit is?” He mumbled. “It’s very hot and–”

You didn’t even say anything. With a sigh–one that wasn’t particularly annoyed, but more… doting–you stepped away. He stared at you in both drowsiness and slight confusion, but his eyes slowly widened once he realized that you were taking off the jacket for him. Gently, you pulled it off his shoulders and down his arms, your eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration.

He was quiet, simply watching as your fingers grasped his tie, unloosening it with a sharp pull, causing him to lurch forward, his lips startlingly close to yours. 

“Interesting,” He teasingly remarked, but his voice was still slurred.

“Shut up,” You snapped yet there was no malice behind your tone.

Your hands then came up to his collar, unbuttoning the first few buttons to reveal slightly past his collarbones which… you’ve already accidentally witnessed before. With a friendly pat on his shoulder, you deemed him undressed enough. He slowly turned his gaze to you and your breath hitched at the sight– his work attire now loose with his hair slightly messy… ah. Not to mention, his tilted head and sleepy expression that only made things worse.

Clearing your throat, feeling your cheeks burn, you scrambled off somewhere to shove a change of clothes into his hands and left abruptly, your heart thumping. Soon enough–you didn’t know when because you were busy contemplating all of your feelings and the meaning of life–he walked into the bedroom. Undoing the made bed, you motioned him to climb in. Obediently, he followed and you pulled the blankets over him.

“Y/n,” He muttered, grasping your wrist before you could walk away.

“Hm?”

“...love you,” He whispered.

Again, he was just rambling. He was just saying things. He had stumbled over his words and his voice was quiet, so that meant that he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean any of it. It was all fake–

“I love you,” He repeated—clearer, louder this time without an inch of hesitation. And this time, he was looking straight up at you, his cheeks slightly pink, flushed.

Maybe it was more real than you had thought.

The first week was over, meaning Hyunjae was more situated at work and most importantly, less exhausted. On the first day of his new, non-intoxicated-on-fatigue persona, he had simply greeted you and strolled past. You wouldn’t admit it fully to him but that simple interaction that did better fit what you guys were–best friends–left you feeling empty inside.

But it was fine. It was just a one-week thing.

Until it wasn’t.

The next day, the pattern appeared again, but it wasn’t… like before.

He was fully awake this time yet he still–

“Hyunjae?” You stammered. The arms wrapped around your waist tightened further as he stood behind you, hooking his chin over your shoulder, and breathing out a low sigh. And now that he was newly… conscious, he did more. His hands began to wander over you in soothing shapes and he pressed his chest further against your back.

“Just stay here with me.” 

You could see his soft smile in the corner of your eye. With a bothered huff, you glanced back at him, only for you to inhale sharply at how close he actually was and how… nice his cologne smelt. Oh, and his hands were still wandering.

“I thought you only acted like this when you’re tired?”

He shook his head, shifting even closer, his warmth encompassing you comfortingly.

“Do you want to know something about me?”

“I know a lot about you,” You joked.

But he was quiet, a serious silence befalling the two of you. You gulped and whispered a small “what is it?”

You could hear him huff out in amusement, his hands never failing to leave your waist. “While I was away–when I was at my lowest–I thought of someone all those years.”

And for some reason, you knew exactly what the answer was. 

But still, your voice tremored. “Who?”

A squeeze on your waist.

“You.”

Shutting your eyes, you breathed out a shaky sigh and looked down to where he was still hugging you from behind. Your heart was thumping and you were sure he could hear you. And even if he could make out the pounding, he never budged once. Not once did he stop tightening his arms around you and not once did he cease to bury his nose somewhere into your skin, leaving shivers down your spine.

With your heartbeat practically reaching your ears, you nudged him and turned around so that now, you were facing him. Without his dazed, sleepy look, it was just his soft eyes and the slightest tug of his lips, an endeared smile. Without his exhaustion that often left him sluggish, it was just his firm, stronger arms that held you so easily.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. 

“Sweetheart,” He replied, his voice gentle and content. And before, you wouldn’t have paid a single ounce of attention to that nickname because it just seemed like how best friends would fool around. But now… things were different and you weren’t sure how exactly. And so the name sweetheart now left your cheeks flushing.

You swallowed thickly, your breath shortening. “Do you know how much you confuse me?”

His smile only grew. “Elaborate on that.” A pause. “Sweetheart.”

You sighed, biting your lip with mortification. “That. The nickname.”

“Sweetheart? You never said you didn’t like it, I can stop if you want—“

“Don’t!” You rushed to say. You blushed more once you realized he was teasing you again, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Not just the nickname. Everything.”

“Like what?” He stepped closer if that was even possible.

You gazed up at him and you were sure you looked frustrated right now, judging by his fond smile. He always said you looked cute when mad.

“You say that you miss me all the time.”

“Because I do.” He dipped his head lower to look at you with those foolish, puppy-like eyes. “I think of you whenever I’m at work.”

“But,” You exhaled shakily. “Do you realize that you say something else?” 

You were sure he wasn’t aware. He didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind whenever he was exhausted. So maybe, he would just stare at you in utter confusion, deny it, and this whole… feeling fiasco would be done and dealt with. But then—

“That I love you?”

Your lips parted in surprise and you peered up at him, wondering if he was just taking a wild guess. But no, the soft, genuine look on his face said it all.

“You… knew?” You stuttered.

“Of course I did,” He chuckled softly. “And I meant every single one.”

Eyebrows furrowing, you stepped backward from shock. As you avoided his eyes, you missed the nervousness and the unsureness that flitted across his face. But, just that one step away left chills down your body–as if being away from Hyunjae and his embrace wasn’t even natural anymore.

And so you stepped forward again. Immediately, you could hear a low sigh of relief escape Hyunjae’s lips and feel his hands snake back around your waist protectively. You weren’t sure what expression was on his face though, as you were very adamant on staring directly at his tie–his chest. You knew that he could still see your reddening cheeks, but you still preferred not to look him in the eye. 

“That,” He said quietly. “You’re also quite confusing too.”

“Wh-what?” 

“Stepping away and stepping back,” He spoke softly. “Looking me in the eye but refusing to when I say that I love you.” One of his hands left your waist to gently guide your chin up. “So look at me now.” 

“I…” You trailed off, feeling yourself go weak just from his soft, loving gaze.

“And one more thing.” He tilted his head teasingly.

A pause. A great moment of silence.

“You don’t say it but you show it.”

“Hyunjae,” You breathed out, your heart beating like a loud, intense drum.

“I wasn’t completely unaware.” He smirked. His hand had already left your chin and found its place back to your waist, yet you found yourself staring straight into his dark eyes, stuck in a trance. “I know that you dried my hair with a towel–that you even undressed me. I know that you took care of me.”

You did do that all on your own accord, simply because you thought that you were being a perfectly good friend. But now that you thought about it–you didn’t have to. You could have easily pushed him off, and told him to do everything on his own but you didn’t. And it was all because you–

“So tell me then,” He whispered, his voice quiet–only for you to hear, almost like he wanted you all to himself. “What are we?”

You held your breath, your cheeks growing hot. Your hands rested on his chest and you could feel his heart pound, exactly like yours. He felt the same, you realized. With a shaky sigh, you gazed up at him.

“What do you want us to be?”

He hummed, a soft smile on his lips. “What do I want?” 

He slightly reworded your question and you wondered why. But you nodded, your eyes studying his features. His handsome features. They were sharp when you had met him in that hallway. But his keen eyes, the angle of his eyebrows, his perpetual frown–they were just soft, soft on you. No longer was there a frown, but just an affectionate smile.

“What do you want?” You repeated his question, your voice hushed to a whisper.

He leaned in, his gaze warm and gentle, his eyes wandering over each and every detail of your face.

“I want to love you.”

You had expected to inhale sharply, gasp maybe–but no. Because everything made sense to you now. His kind words, his soft and fleeting touches across your body, it all pointed to one thing. And so, instead, you smiled shyly.

“Then love me.”

And just like that, his grip on your hips tightened and he turned you around so that your back was facing the door. He was walking you backward until you felt the hard surface against your shoulder blades and he was leaning down, close enough that if he inched further, he would be kissing you. But he didn’t–not yet.

“May I?” He muttered, looking over you with slight concern. 

You nodded, embarrassingly with a bit too eagerness. He laughed softly and then he was fitting his lips against yours as your eyes fluttered closed. The press of it was gentle and tender as he tilted your chin up and angled himself so that it was more comfortable. The kiss was unlike any that you’ve experienced before. It was like the tension that had built up before had completely broken down, as you allowed yourself to just fall.

Fall, physically, almost because you felt your knees go weak, with only the door behind you to hold you up. But his hand traveled back down to your waist, hooking you in against his body, keeping you steady as he muffled a groan against your lips. You couldn’t hear anything but his breathing and the thumping of your own heart. 

All you could think of was him–how he could so easily change from rough to soft, how he could push forward so quickly but pull away so easily to allow you a gasp of breath, and how he could make your heart pound yet lull it into a steady rhythm of love. He kissed like he could devour you, but if you decided to peek an eye open, you would see his adorably furrowed eyebrows and his flushed cheeks, showing that he wasn’t anything like that.

He was just a man who needed a bit of a sweetener in his life.

With a quiet noise, he pulled away. Immediately, his eyes searched over your features, making sure that you were okay and that he didn’t do too much. But, when you gave him a smile, your eyes flitting nervously, he grinned and leaned in to grant you another soft kiss.

“How long?” You laughed shyly.

“I came to the realization when you tried to cheer me up whenever I was tired. But I think I’ve already felt this way for a while.” He replied. He pinched your cheek again. “All those dates and extra care that you gave me…very cute thing to do.”

Your eyes went wide. “You… noticed?”

“I notice a lot of things, sweetheart,” He teased. “Like how you’re grabbing onto my suit to pull me into a kiss right now.”

“O-oh,” You stammered, letting go of his crumpled collar. “I didn’t realize I–”

He shook his head and before you could finish your sentence, he was cupping your cheek–something that he’s never done before–and guiding you back to his lips. And this time, his tongue swiped against your lip, making you gasp quietly.

“You taste like candy.” His gaze fixated on your lips.

“I didn’t know you could…” You had to stop for a second to catch your breath. And it wasn’t just because of his exceptional kissing, but it was the beat of your heart, of all of your love. “...you could kiss like that.”

“What can I say?” He tilted his head with a teasing look. “I guess I have a sweet tooth.”

“Trust me on this,” Younghoon whined. “I followed the instructions to the very dot. They’ll taste good. Promise.”

You eyed him skeptically but still, you picked up one of the cookies that he had baked. They looked a little… off, but it should be fine. Taking a bite, you took note of the odd texture, and then the taste started to register on your tongue.

You coughed. You choked. And then you threw the cookie back on the plate. 

“Bitter,” You gagged. “It’s so bitter.”

“What?” He cried. “Are you kidding me–”

Your eyes lit up once you remembered your boyfriend who was sitting next to you on the couch. He was busy on his computer, doing some sort of work report but you ignored that, turning to him and grasping his collar tightly. You pulled him in, pressing your lips to his, causing him to let out a small “mmph” in surprise.

But almost instantly, he turned into jelly from your touch, a smile growing on his lips as his eyes fluttered close. He had tried to deepen it desperately but you pulled away shortly after, leaving him to chase after your lips adorably.

Younghoon gawked. “I’m right here.”

“So?” You shrugged, smiling innocently. “At least he tastes sweet.”

“Oh my god,” Younghoon mumbled, getting up to throw the cookies into the garbage can. 

Meanwhile, Hyunjae was staring at you in a daze, his cheeks flushed. But, he quickly recovered and he was quick to pounce on you, pressing kisses all over you once Younghoon had left.

“A warning next time would be great.”

He was now hovering over you on the couch, caging you under his arms and his computer long forgotten. The position left you flushing but it was also the perfect one to knee him in the stomach.

He winced in pain. "What was that for?"

"A warning, you said," You mocked. "When literally yesterday you kissed me up against a wall in your own workplace."

"That's an exception." He smirked. "You liked it, didn't you?"

"I..." You blushed, remembering the way he had kissed you so fervently, dressed in that suit and tie, the thrill of getting caught still running through your veins. "It was alright."

"Sure, sweetheart," He whispered in a teasing tone. He looked annoying handsome like this, with that amused smile that contrasted his soft, loving gaze. "Then I'll make sure you like this one."

Oh, how you despised him.

And then his lips were on yours again, swallowing up any shy noises that threatened to escape you. But just before he did, he had whispered three quiet words against your lips.

"I love you."

And how you loved him too.

[skullytotheark]

[design drawn by Peachy-cloudds]

My Personal headcanons for The Operator / Slenderman

[warning: a SHIT tone of writing almost sorry not actually]

The Main inspirtation is by the concept of a hivemind plantlike entity, Has this concept been done before for Slender. Yea, Am I still gonna use it? Yea 🤭 [i love eldritch plant beings they're so cool]

-

In World Lore:

An extremely long time ago, A being of unknown origin manifested into the world, Simply appearing out of the blue. Being able to exist on all four layers of existence with no consequence for it's actions. Originally said to be an old folk tale elders would tell to children to scare them, The Operator, although known across the world as multiple names, Some extremely fitting while others were uncreative / unoriginal. The entity within the tale would maintain the same behavior in every culture that was made aware of it. Often stalking heavily wooded areas attempting to lure those who were unexpecting into the forest where it will stalk it's prey until they barely escape or become it's next meal. However even escape was never the last one would see the Operator. As it continued to stalk those who saw it relentlessly until it grows tired of the same torment. Or It claims another life. The operator was once said to be in many books recording folklore; however the pages and stories of encounters with it have simply been erased from existence. As if it tears the pages out itself. Wanting to remain within the darkness where it can watch and wait for those who are unaware.

-

Headcanons:

Spiders tend to make small nests in the small holes that are on slender’s body, These spiders due to long exposure can give you the drowning if they bite you

The Spiral in the center of Slender’s face can hypnotize it’s victims. In my canon it’s how Slender gains most of it’s proxies

The reason Slender can disturb cameras and cause them to break is because of the electric frequency it admits. Similar to how fungi also admit Electric frequencies and is also source of the strange staticy hiss that tends to admit and follow Slender around

Slenderman is just a fae of sorts [which is just a fancy way of saying fairies], The type of fae that typically kidnap children and eat them. In my HC I kinda like to think that it is considered to be one of the first mythical forest spirits [also implying that Slender is old as balls]

-

The Drowning / Slendersickness:

The drowning is a form of “Sickness” one can get when being exposed to the entity known as “The Operator” for a long period of time. It gets its name due to the feeling of choking on water and lack of air in your lungs

Normally you’d have to be in contact or near the Operator to contact the drowning however if one is sick with the drowning the drowning can be easily passed onto you with or without knowing it. Another way to get it is if you are marked by the Operator which can give you Stage 2 Of the drowning within the matter of seconds. The sickness originates from Spores that come from The Operator which are a lesser version of the Operator's final stage "The Tower ''. The following symptoms include Violent coughing [to the point of blood], Vomiting, Violent hallucinations, Trouble breathing, Seizures, Violent outbursts / episodes and dissociating. To summarize it, A Lot of the time Sickness slowly but surely eats away at your humanity until you are but a husk of your former self, Causing you to become aggressive and violent towards others. The Operator then feeds off of the conflict and uses it to make it stronger

-

[Hoody / Brian in the Ark As seen in Entry# 83 At 6:30]

The Ark:

In Later years The Operator managed to make it’s own personal realm, Made to store the souls of those it has killed [or by proxy] and to drive those who enter it insane. Playing hallucinations that are personal to everyone who enters until they either die or find an exit [which is nearly impossible]. The realm as mentioned stores souls of it that have been killed that are being fed on by whatever lies in the pit that resides within the middle of the Ark, These dead victims are often in a paralyzed state where they are unable to move or speak as they slowly but surely melt into the surface of the Ark slowly becoming apart of it. However The Broken are basically souls that the "Ark" isn't able to feed off of since they are impure, Of course the broken are basically just victims of the Operator that have cracks on their body like fragile glass in a way. These souls and bodies are also often use as infinite battery packs for the Operator, Feeding off of the souls makes them more Powerful, The More souls there are the more of a threat it can become

-

[Example image I drew to help explain it kinda]

The Hivemind

The Operator has more than one variant that all act as a single hive mind sharing the same exact thoughts. The following examples are The Tower, The Drones and Hallucination

The Tower: The Tower is the main source of the hivemind, These variants are basically the "Queen Bees" that pop out smaller versions of themselves to scout for food and return it to the Nest. Towers often borrow themselves deep underground where they cannot be touched, often growing extremely giant, For example they can grow to the size of the statue of liberty before stopping. Their tentacles can connect to the roots of trees which allows them to shift the forest at their command, It's also worth noting that the hivemind all share the same thoughts

Drones: The drones are basically mini clones of the hivemind that are produced so the tower doesn't have to expose itself to the outside world and get injured or killed, Their goal is to collect food until the Tower is ready to bloom. But a lot of the time these drones will hypnotize people into doing their biddings for them which is considered to be the norm nowadays. It's also less stress for the drones incase they do not wish to be discovered by the outside world. Drones can also eventually grow into Towers if they live long enough

Hallucinations: These are as you expect, They're the dones way of messing with your head by haunting you and breaking you mentality. They often appear in hallucinations and aren't the actual drones themselves, The main way to tell the difference between a drone and a hallucination is by the color of their tie. Red means that they are physically there attacking you while black means it's not real

-

[lazy doodle by me]

The great blooming / The arrival:

this event is pretty straight forward. So the main reason these towers need to collect so much food and souls is so that they can bloom, Their heads unraveling to reveal a black rose that shoots out a giant cloud of spores that will infect those whoever breathes the spores in. These spores have the regular side effects such as the drowning, However those who are infected with the Tower's Spores are a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. If one is infected long enough their heads will implode into a flower and spread more spores around them

-

[sweatandwoe]

super late, but my fave scene of yours is in Secret Ingredient ch 16. is it still hurt/comfort if Silco is helping Reader with hypothermia and not an injury? lol

Fun fact I was gonna do that scene with Silco getting sick and needing someone to take care of him, but decided to do Reader instead (cause cuddle or die is more fun)

but here's a lil scene if that universe happened, but maybe a bit more fluffy

-

Your hand presses to his forehead, and then you're giving him a tiny smile. "You're sick."

"I am not." He says, voice thick. Whatever was caught in his throat was catching on his words too. "I'm fine."

"Uh-huh."

His good eye twitches in response.

Your hand pulls away, and you can see how he slumps a bit more into his chair. Putting up a front while you were close, you guess, turning to him. "I think I'll make some soup today."

His lips purse together, looking very ready to deny any illness lingering in him. Long fingers drum across the desk, and he gives you a glance as he turns in his chair, one long leg crossing over the other. He grabs a few sheets of paper, gazing over them. "What about stew?"

It's hard not to smile, but you do your best. Letting your lips twitch. "I don't have ten hours, but I suppose I could still make some."

He doesn't say thank you, but that was expected at this point. You'll leave without another word, only seeing how the corner of his mouth twitches before the door closes.

-

"I know you're upset-"

"I'm not upset." His voice is hoarse from coughing, and sniffling. The fever had gotten worse now, and he was on forced bed rest by Singed. Jinx had given him Flamethrower, which rested kindly in the crook of his arm. "I'm being disrespected in my own establishment."

"You're being cared for." Your hands smooth over the ends of his blanket. It reminded you of the children being forced to stay in bed when they were too ill. "They simply want you to return to your best quickly."

"Do they?" There's a sniff accompanying that, and you watch as his head falls back against the pillows. The one red eye is always open wide, and now staring at the ceiling. The teal one is half-closed, a small glimpse into how tired he was. "Or do they just want to be rid of me?"

"I think if anyone wanted to be rid of you right now, it would be quite easier than putting you to bed." You press your hand to his forehead again. Still burning. "Let me go get you some water-"

You turned to leave, but fingers are quick to grasp your wrist. His mismatched gaze staring up at you, and the Eye of Zaun would never plead, but the look he was giving could be considered similar to it. His words are slow and he sounds so exhausted."Don't go."

So, you settle at first on the edge of the bed. Moving to brush the loose hairs out of his face as he lays back in the bed, his fingers still lightly around your wrist. Perhaps he feared someone else seeing him this vulnerable, or he just needed someone to be near him in case he spoke his final words.

Either way, he felt safe around you and that gave an oddly satisfyingly warm feeling.

"Silco?"

His breathing is even, and his good eye is closed. The other eye faces downwards, shifting in the socket as he dreams. Even with the chaos of one eye, he looks so oddly peaceful in his sleep. The lines in his face cleared, his body fully relaxed and he snored so very lightly.

You lean forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead like you would with Jinx, and find yourself trapped by the hand on your wrist, unable to pull away.

At least that's what you'll tell yourself, when you wake up tomorrow, with his face buried in your hair and his arms loosely around your middle. Snoring softly in your ear still, his breathing matching the rhythm of your heart.

You close your eyes again, settling your hands on top of his own. Perhaps you both needed this; a reminder that you both weren't alone. anymore.

The reminder only grew tenfold, when Jinx would enter the room shortly after you untangled yourself from his embrace. And Silco would grumble about breakfast, but eat the toast his daughter would feed to him while you went and got some new reports from Sevika.

But you think you catch him smile at you, a small tiny one when you return into his bedroom and begin to gush the gossip to both of them. At a second look, it was gone.

His pinky brushes against your own as Jinx launched into her own tale of what she got up to the day before while he was sick. And you have your own small tiny smile, as your pinkies overlap. Locking together.

No, you think, listening to your small family as father and daughter speak to one another.

We aren't alone.

[diabolik-art-blog]

Memories of that spring

AO3: Chapter 05

Fanfiction.net: Chapter 05

Summary: He is very brat. Of course, all nobles are like that. But what would you do if you were a serf? What will you do if this milk becomes your only food?

The blizzard had stopped for hours. The children moved with great effort in the heavy snow and darkness of the night to reach the hut of the old man Tenjin. Yuma lunged forward with all his strength, supporting Yui with his hand in hers.

The young boy was moving behind them and there was nothing but silence between them for a long time. Shu just stared at his boots, which were made of expensive leather, and moved forward. He didn't know what it felt like, but he could smell Yui's deliciousness. It was as if he wanted to attack her every moment and swallow or bite her.

He knew he was still too young to suck blood, but he didn't know what this strange thirst was for. Besides, Yui and Yuma are human and Shu didn't want them to find out about his identity as a vampire prince. That's why he didn't lose anything of his identity and only introduced himself as an ordinary nobleman.

Yuma, who was moving ahead of him, noticed his slow steps and his silence. Yuma really wanted to get to know this boy better, but he didn't trust him.

Yuma: Oi skinny boy... If you come at this speed, we won't be there until tomorrow.

Shu:.....

Yuma: Hmmm.... can you hear me?

Yuma didn't get any response from Shu, which made Yui worried. Without hesitation, she left Yuma and went to Shu. Shu was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Yui facing him and bumped into her, causing Yui to fall to the ground.

Yui: Oooohhhh.....

Shu: Huh.... Oh. I am sorry. I did not see you. Are you alright?

Yuma quickly ran over to Yui and helped her up, shaking the snow off her clothes so she wouldn't catch a cold.

Yuma: How are you, Yui? Did you get hurt, are you in pain

Yui: No, I'm fine Yuma. Do not worry.

Yuma angrily turned his head towards Shu and grabbed his collar and lifted him up and since he is taller than Shu, Shu almost hung in Yuma's fist.

Yuma: What the fuck are you doing? You might hurt her. YOU BASTARD.....

Shu: I... I... I'm sorry... I really didn't mean to.

Yui: Yuma!!!!! please stop I am good. Please finish it and put him down. Yuma!!

Yuma: Chhhhh.....

Hearing Yui's pleas and cries, Yuma couldn't see her upset more. He slowly loosened Shu's collar and placed him on the ground, and Shu began to cough.

Shu: *Cough*.... *cough*....

Yui: How are you, Shu-san?

Shu: I'm fine.... I'm just very tired.

Yui walked over to Shu and held out her hand to help him up. Shu blushed seeing Yui near him, staring at her beautiful face. He took Yui's hand and slowly got up.

As he stood up with the help of Yui's delicate hands, he smelled a more pleasant smell from her. Her smell was so good that he might attack her at any moment. Shu was worried because he's not ready to suck blood yet, but this thirst is driving him crazy.

Shu brought his face close to Yui's face. He smelled Yui's scent which made Yui blush in embarrassment.

Shu: *Sniff* *sniff*.... you smell so good. Your smell is like the smell of roses.

Hearing Shu's words, Yui blushed even more and could tell from a distance that Yuma was staring at them angrily. Yui quickly moved away from Shu because she didn't want Yuma to get angry with Shu again and beat him.

Yui: Shu-san... please don't go on any further...

Shu: Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you...

Yuma: Oi you two...move now. If you stay here forever, you will freeze.

Yui quickly turned away from Shu and walked over to Yuma, taking his hand again and they started walking. Shu was following them at a distance. He was going crazy with his thirst for Yui's good smell and he couldn't control himself. That's why I decided to follow them with a long distance so that he doesn't do something stupid again.

They were approaching the hut. Yui looked at Yuma's face while walking hand in hand and could see anger and sadness in his face at the same time and did not know what to do. She never likes to see Yuma so upset and angry. She wondered why Yuma had changed so much after meeting Shu. It was as if he didn't like Shu at all, or maybe he didn't trust him.

The three children reached the hut and saw that the old man was standing outside the hut with a bent back while throwing a scarf over his shoulders to protect himself from the cold. His old and weak body was shivering under the cold night air, and his eyes were full of tears and he had thrown all his weight on his wooden walking stick.

Seeing this scene, Yui immediately let go of Yuma's hand and ran to her father and hugged him. Feeling the warmth of his daughter, the old man started to cry and tightly hugged his dear little daughter. It is as if she has been away for a hundred years.

Tenjin: Yui.... Yui... Yui, my dear. Are you fine?

Yui felt guilty seeing the tears in his father's eyes. She took his father's old hands and kissed them and caressed them gently.

Yui: Papa, I'm fine. Please don't cry, I'm fine.

Hearing the pleasant voice of the girl, the old man took a deep breath and hugged her again. He wanted to feel the warmth of his daughter again and the beautiful sound of her breathing to feel alive again. He never wants to lose Yui. Yui is the reason for his life and happiness.

The old man looked at Yuma who was standing in front of them with a soft smile on his face. And behind him stands a young boy with torn leather clothes. The boy's cheeks were red from the cold and his face was scarred and he was looking at the ground. It was as if he was ashamed of something or felt ashamed.

The old man, who had just noticed the presence of the young boy, gave him a careful look. Just by looking at his clothes, he could guess that this boy came from the palace.

Tenjin: Who are you, young boy?

Shu: Hah... I... I...

Yui: Fufu... Papa, his name is Shu-san. He is one of the nobles of the palace.

Even without saying it, Tenjin was sure that this boy was a noble. Although Tenjin doesn't have good memories of nobles, his kind heart could never let a little boy freeze in the cold.

The old man Tenjin went to the young boy and knelt in front of him. He looked at his beautiful and innocent face and cleaned his wound with the corner of his scarf and caressed his cheek gently.

Tenjin: It's cold here, my boy. You are too far away from home. You can stay with me tonight.

Shu was embarrassed. He did not like to look into the eyes of the old man Tenjin. Shu knew him well. Tenjin was one of the people who was given a terrible whipping by his father for not paying taxes. Tenjin had never met Shu, but Shu secretly watched convicts being tortured from behind bars at the time, and he always hated it.

Shu hated himself and his family more when he realized how horrible they treated the people, but how kind they were to them.

The old man guided the boy to his house. When they entered the hut, Yuma threw the wood into the fireplace without pausing to light the fire. After lighting the fire, the three children sat by the fireplace to warm themselves and the old man brought them warm milk.

Yuma and Yui quickly drank the last drop of milk, but Shu was staring at the glass of milk without any reaction. Yuma gave a big grin when he realized this.

Yuma: Hahaha... Sorry, but we don't have royal food here. You should be satisfied with this one glass of milk.

Yui: Stop Yuma. Your behavior with a guest is not right at all. What's wrong Shu-san? Don't you like milk?

Shu: No... no... that's not the point.... I just...

Yuma: Just what?

Shu: I just don't know what milk tastes like?

Yui: ....! Really? Does that mean you haven't had milk yet?

Shu: Milk was never in my diet. My mother says that milk does not have the necessary nutrients and she never allowed me to drink milk.

Yuma: So what do you eat?

Shu: We eat other foods like meat, and honey for breakfast. Because according to my mother, it is very nutritious.

Yuma: Pfffffffff.... hahahaha.... you are such a baby brat..... hahaha....

Yui: Stop Yuma. You are very rude.

Yuma: Am I lying? He is very brat. Of course, all nobles are like that. But what would you do if you were a serf? What will you do if this milk becomes your only food? Do you know that in many winters, the people of our village have to be satisfied with only a glass of milk so that they don't die of hunger?

Shu: I... didn't know that.

Yuma: You nobles are always like that. You never care about anyone but yourself.

While Yuma was loudly scolding the nobles, the old man Tenjin approached them and sat next to them on the fireplace. He looked at the three children with a soft smile and gently stroked the head of his dear daughter.

Tenjin: Yuma, this way of talking to a guest is not right at all.

Yui: I told him this too, papa. But he is very rude.

Yuma: Am I lying?

Tenjin: It doesn't matter at all, Yuma. This young boy is our guest. We have to take care of him.

Yuma: Chhhhh...

Shu was overjoyed by Tenjin's kindness and still felt guilty. He had developed a strange feeling towards this kind family. Even though Yui and Yuma are not siblings, they are kinder and closer to each other than real siblings. Shu loved being a part of this beautiful little family.

He looked again at the glass of warm milk. He always wanted to try this drink even once and now it was his chance to try this. He drank the glass of milk and felt strange. It's true that this milk was not as luxurious and delicious as the food in the palace, but Shu could swear that he loved this glass of milk more than all the delicacies in the palace.

After drinking the warm milk, the old man told them to go and rest. Yui happily took Shu's hand and led him to her room in the attic. Yuma followed them to the attic.

Shu went to the room. The room was very small and dark and they must have used a lantern to be able to see somewhere. Her bed was made of straw and it's roof was thatched. Shu remembered his warm and soft room. He felt more guilty when he realized that these people were living in such conditions.

Shu: (If I become a king one day, I will help all the people of this land.)

Yui: Shu-san, welcome to my room. You can sleep in my bed tonight.

Shu: If you like, we can sleep on the bed together.

Yuma: Oi Oi.... Don't be too fast. Wherever she sleeps, I don't want her next to you. You got it? She is only allowed to sleep next to me.

Shu: Ah... well... ok...

Shu went to the bed and lay down on the bed. The bed was not soft at all, but Shu could not complain about this situation. Yuma and Yui pulled a blanket beside the bed and both fell into a deep sleep.

*TIMESKIP*

It was dark everywhere. The sound of a child's breathing and crying echoed in the darkness. A little boy ran to the girl with bare feet and hugged her small and wounded body. He was crying. His cry was so loud that it echoed in both ears.

The boy looked at the young boy with bloodshot eyes.

Yuma: I knew. I knew you could not be trusted. You bastard killed my best friend....

Shu was wandering. He did not know where he was. He looked at his hands which were covered in blood. He moved forward and looked at the little girl. It was not possible. This was impossible. He attacked the girl and killed her. Blood was around his lips. What does this mean? Does that mean he sucked the blood of the little girl?

Tears gathered in his eyes. The smell of blood was driving him crazy. He did not know where he was and why these things happened. He had a knife in his hand. He raised it and aimed it at his heart.

Shu woke up with a soft voice calling him. He was panting and looking around in horror. He was in the old man Tenjin's hut and all this was a nightmare.

When he came to himself, he saw Yui looking at him with worried eyes. He looked at Yui in surprise.

Shu: Yui... what happened?

Yui: You were crying in your sleep.

Shu: I...

Shu touched his cheek and was shocked by the tear on his cheek. He had never cried because of a nightmare. Realizing that he only cried because of a nightmare, Shu hated himself and thought about Yuma's words in his heart. He was right. Shu is really a spoiled child.

When Yui saw Shu's tears, she hugged him. Shocked by Yui's sudden embrace, Shu didn't know how to react. That's why he hugged Yui and cried softly in her arms.

Yui: It's okay Shu-san. Do not worry. It was just a nightmare. You are safe now. Don't worry, we will take care of you.

Yui's words hurt Shu's heart. No one has ever been so kind to him. Shu thought to himself if one day Yui found out that Karlheinz had tortured her father, would she forgive him.

Shu: Yui....I....*sniff*...*sob*... am sorry.

Yui, who heard his sobbing and crying, gently caressed his head to calm him down. Even though Yui never met her mother, she was taking care of Shu like a mother and this warmed Shu's heart.

Yui: It's okay Shu-san. Don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong. Like I said, it was just a nightmare. Nothing bad happened.

Shu relaxed in Yui's arms and smelled her again. Her smell was very sweet. Just like the delicious honey that Shu eats for breakfast every day. Shu liked this smell very much. As if he wanted to attack and bite her at any moment. But if Shu does this one day, will Yui still be his friend?

Shu: Yui, can I ask you something?

Yui: Of course Shu-san. What can I do to help you?

Shu: Please sleep next to me tonight, Yui.

Yui: Hah... sleep next to you? But....

Yui knew that Shu was scared and the nightmare was bothering him, but she still felt embarrassed to sleep next to Shu. She looked at Yuma who was in deep sleep and wasn't awake to complain about it. She thought to herself that maybe this was the only way to help Shu calm down and stop being scared.

Yui nodded her head in approval and sat next to Shu. A few minutes had passed, and even though Yui and Shu were sleeping on the same bed, they had moved away from each other. Yui had her back to Shu and was staring down at Yuma's sleeping face from the side of the bed. She would like to know the reason for Yuma's misbehavior with Shu today.

Yui was lost in her own thoughts when she felt the touch of a hand on her back. Yui slowly realized that Shu was hugging her from behind. Yui blushed and was shocked by this move.

Yui: Shu-san, what are you doing?

Shu: Zzzzz...

His steady breathing showed that he was sleeping.

Shu: You are.... very fragrant.

Yui noticed that Shu was mumbling in his sleep. She did not know what this meant. She wanted to help Shu. He seemed to be just a lonely boy who needed help. Yui let Shu hug her and slowly closed her eyes, wishing that one day she would understand the pain in Shu's heart and help her young friend.

Yui: Have nice dreams Shu-san.

[truthseeker-blogger]

*UPDATE*

This update may seem a little disjointed. I'm just weak and tired. After being sick the week before halloween, then a slight reprieve the week of, after church this past Sunday, I started coughing incessantly.

Turns out I have pneumonia and have been on prednisone, azithromycin, albuterol, cough suppressant and pain meds.

I need to go to storage while it is still available and not locked to us, to find the n95 masks i bought during the beginning of the pandemic.

I'm just not really physically up to exerting energy digging through and moving boxes.

I've lost 2 weeks of work so far this month, and terrified of going back to work with the children, while I love working with them, am fearful I will end up in the hospital with a compromised immune system while on steroids for my lungs and need a mask that will protect me from their coughing.

One 5 year old literally sounded like he had the croup and these children would give me their tissues after using to toss in the trash.

I can't afford not to go back, and can't afford to get even sicker. Matt tried to make up time the first week I was out with overtime, and that cost him time out of work by overworking his shoulder.

We can't pay the cell phone service, the storage unit, the auto insurance, the car, but I can't afford to not be around to take care of everyone, Matt, my son, Justice, Gracie.

If anyone has an n95, new they've never used, please message me. I would be most grateful.

I've decided if I'm feeling up to it, to cook something quietly at my son's on Thanksgiving day while Matt works to make up lost time.

On the other front. Our lawsuit was filed. Summons sent. Summons returned. Their answer filed and their attorney retained. Next phase is Discovery on both sides.

We will not fold, we will not bend, no matter what we lose, for God has set into motion for the truth to be set free regarding what happened and to see it never happens to another.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and words of encouragement.

🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

@truthseeker-blogger

[harunayuuka2060]

Mammon: *is a having a dream again*

Mammon: Mother... Why are you crying again?

MC: O-Oh... I'm not crying. There happens to be some water in my eyes that's all. *smiles reassuringly*

MC: *composed themselves* How about we go out and visit the garden?

Mammon: *nods* *then smiles*

-------------------------------------------------

Mammon: Mother, I'm tired of walking...

MC: Oh, are you? *chuckles* *picks him up*

MC: It seems my baby is getting easily tired lately. Is it because you don't eat your veggies?

Mammon: !!!

Mammon: I... I eat them though... *guilty frown*

MC: *chuckles* I'm not here to scold you. Don't worry. *kissing his cheek*

MC: But you still need to eat healthy.

Mammon: I promise to always eat healthy next time.

MC: Good. *smiles*

Mammon: *waking up from that dream*

Mammon: ...

Mammon: I only ate some ramen today. *gets up and goes to the kitchen*

-----------------------------------------------

Asmo: Lucifer? You know what? I caught Mammon in the kitchen last night, making some healthy snack for himself.

Lucifer: Really? But why would he get up so late just to do that.

Asmo: He said that MC reminded him.

Lucifer: *confused*

Asmo: Weird, right?

Mammon: Yo! Good morning!

Lucifer: Mammon, what's Asmo telling me that MC reminded you to eat healthy?

Mammon: ...

Mammon: Huh?

Asmo: Last night, you said that your "mother" reminded you to eat healthy and when I asked who was it, you said it was MC.

Mammon: Oh...

Mammon: ...

Mammon: Yeah... In my dream...

Lucifer and Asmo: ...

Asmo: *dials Diavolo's phone number* *and calls him* Lord Diavolo~ Is MC with you?

Asmo: Oh? You're going here right now? Perfect! You see Mammon is-

Lucifer: *grabs his phone* Diavolo, you should've told us in advance that you're coming.

Lucifer: I see. MC wants to see Mammon as well.

Mammon: !!!

Lucifer: Okay. I'll make sure he doesn't go anywhere.

--------------------------------------------

Diavolo: MC, you almost bought the whole supermarket. *laughs*

MC: It's because the castle lacks of greens. I wonder if I should ask Barbatos to plant some.

Diavolo: *coughs* Mammon needs these more than I am.

MC: *chuckles*

------------------------------------------

MC: Why would you subject our children to something like this?

Theo: They're not our children, MC. They only exist to serve us. So you should not have those feelings of a parent.

MC: ...

MC: So what am I then?

Theo: ...

Theo: I'll talk to you tomorrow. *leaving them alone in the room*

[lynnbeth5172]

Stitched Up Love iv

Isla trudged through the streets, a small thing of coins in her hand as she made it home. It was the King's name day and she had finished making garments for the family, pricking her finger many times while thinking of other things. She had fit into the role of seamstress easily enough, enjoying talking to Prince Aegon and Princess Helaena’s children, staying away from Prince Aegon while drunk due to him being clingy, and occasionally talking to Prince Aemond. Talking to him was oddly pleasant, after the King’s coughing fit, the two of them started to talk more often. He explained that his father’s near death experiences happened often and that’s why it didn’t bothered him.

Finally she made it to the small shack where her family lived, the streets may smell like shit to some but for Isla. It smelled of home.

She closed her eyes and opened the door, the sound of her little brother laughing; Isla herself cracked a smile, calling out for her little brother and hearing footsteps coming her way, she immediately hugged Lukas and kissed his forehead. 

“Isla’s home!!” She heard more footsteps and saw the blonde hair of Maude, she had looked slightly more thin than she had before. Isla moved and hugged her younger sister, she had grown a bit taller and her chestnut hair reached her shoulders: she released her sister and took her hand, squeezing it gently as Maude looked her up and down.

Isla looked to where her mothers room was, letting her sister go in order to see her mother. The room smelled of death, as if someone left a carcass to rot and this was the product; she went near her mother’s bed and held her hands together in order to not bite her nails, her mother’s face had looked the same since she left for the Red Keep. Her face was still hollowed out and her eyes were closed, as if she were asleep, that was till her eyes opened and seemed to have noticed her presence. Not speaking but extending a hand for Isla to hold, taking her mother’s hand.

“She’s gotten slightly better…though she doesn’t really remember Lukas.” She turned to see her elder sister Verna, with her hands over her stomach and walking towards her to give a hug, Isla hugged her sister back.

Verna released her from the hug and looked back at their mother before looking to Isla, she looked more tired than she did before and light purple circles  around her eyes.

“Can I…talk to you for a moment?” Her sister didn’t give her time to answer before taking her hand and dragging her to their younger brother's room, his crib was still there due to their mother not wanting to let go of the memory of babe Luke.

“I am with child,”  it took a moment to realize the words that her sister said. Yet she asked the question that replayed in her head.

“Are you…Verna are you jesting?” Her sister looked at her as if she were stupid. Isla most certainly felt stupid, she knew that her sister worked at a tavern. And she knew that her sister was pretty, but she didn’t know that it would cause a pregnancy. The tavern her sister worked at wasn’t anything spectacular by any means but it was a nice place to drink and muck around.

There had been a few rumors that Prince Aegon had visited the tavern that her sisters worked at, while the rumors were never confirmed. Isla could’ve sworn that she saw a head of silver hair that walked into the tavern.

“Who’s the father?” 

Her sister hesitated but spoke.

“His name was Robyn, was one of the people who came to the tavern often but after I told him…he barely comes anymore.” Verna had her hands over her stomach again, walking in a small circle. Isla looked down at her elder sister’s stomach; she was going to become an aunt. That thought both excited her and made her nervous…could they even afford having a baby?

“Would you be able to take care of it? Vern we were barely able to get mothers medicine…perhaps it’s best if we would’ve turned to theft.” Isla took her sisters hands, she was more nervous than excited, they couldn’t have another mouth to feed.

“I will…I know a few of the women from the tavern also have children, perhaps they could help with the-“ a loud banging sound came from their mothers room, Isla heard Verna groan and walk to where the noise came from.

Their mother was knocking her knuckles on the wall as if her life depended on it, her eyes were closed and her face was twisted in a look of pain. Maude came into the room with a cup of something.

“Mother…it’s okay, drink-“

“No!” Their mother flung the cup of whatever Maude was going to give her across the room, having it wet the wood floors. Grabbing her sister's wrist to the point of leaving a mark, their mother looked at Maude then to Isla…as if they were intruders.

“If you force me to drink that vile substance then I will spit it out again and again.” Her sister looked at their mother and gently pried her fingers off her wrist, rubbing small circles on her wrist that looked a bit bruised, Isla squeezed her sister’s shoulder as Verna went to tend to their mother.

Their mother laid her head back on the mattress and Isla went to pick up the cup, looking back at their mother who was now mumbling about how her throat hurts as well as her limbs. Verna sat on the bed and looked to Isla.

“Fetch a bowl of water.” Isla nodded and went to get a small porcelain bowl and water.

:::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Good stew,” Lukas smiled at Maude as she poured him a bowl of soup. They were all quiet as they ate, Maude and Isla used some of the vegetables that Verna was able to get; Isla had worked on her younger brothers ripped britches, which tore when her younger brother caught himself on a loose nail which ripped the fabric.

“Thank you…” Maude gave Luke a tired smile and poured the last bit of stew for herself, Verna had left to give their mother some of the stew but from the sounds of yelling from her room. Isla could guess that Verna was less successful in the process of feeding their mother.

“How’s work been at the Keep?” Maude turned to Isla who gave a small smile and shrug.

“Good, tiring sometimes but I’m doing good…got a small private quarter .” Maude seemed interested when the mention of a chamber came up.

“The Queen is quite kind then, giving you a place like that. Away from everyone.” Isla gave her sister a smile and nod, from her short time of being a seamstress, Queen Alicent had been a kind person whenever Isla delivered the dresses that she sewn. Though she had always looked tired; with her sad brown eyes and her chewed nails, the Queen always seemed stressed or nervous about something.

“And the rest?” Isla swallowed a bit of the stew, a bit of carrot being chewed on as she thought of a reply.

“Princess Helaena is sweet…quiet but she’s lovely when she speaks, so is Prince Aemond. Silent as a cat but he’s a nice bit of company, same for Prince Aegon though…he’s never always there.” Isla smiled a bit when she thought of Prince Aemond, they had talked before she left to visit her family. Him wishing her a safe trip to her home, he had appeared slightly upset when Isla wished him to have a nice time at the feast for his father.

“What about the King? Is he fierce?” Luke looked curious at her, as if expecting her to say how brave King Viserys was. Truth be told…Isla thought that the king was a bit like their father. Never really caring about his children or people around him, looking at the way that the King treated his children and his wife made Isla dislike him.

Trying to think of the right words, Verna came in with small scratches on her arms. Making her way to the table and sitting down as she put the bowl of what was left of their mother’s stew.

“She fought when I tried giving it to her…at this point, she’ll waste away in a moon or so.” Her elder sister ran a hand through her hair and yawned, that was when Isla saw how truly tired she was. Her skirts were stained with liquid and her eyes looked more sunken in. It reminded her of Queen Alicent.

“How long will she last even?” Maude glanced at Verna then got up to put her bowl to the side to clean, taking Luke’s bowl as well.

“Not long…her bones are sticking out and she’s refusing to eat, as if eating something would kill her.” Isla swallowed and took her sisters hand.

“Maybe she’ll eat…it’ll take time but maybe she will,” Isla knew it was wishful thinking but she still didn’t want to believe that her mother will die.

“She hasn’t ate since you came back…even then she ate while you were gone, small bites of bread or fruit.”

Lukas looked at Verna then went to sit near Isla, laying his head on her shoulder and hugging her. Isla gave her younger brother a smile and patted his back.

“We’ll be okay…right?” And looking from her younger brother to her bowl, she shrugged but smiled.

“Yes…we’ll be okay.” Though she heard Maude mutter ‘Maybe’ under her breath.

“Depends on how long mother lives.” And with that, Verna left to her room, with Maude going shortly afterwards. Leaving Isla and Lukas alone at the table.

“You didn’t tell me…”

Isla smiled and looked down to her brother.

“About?”

“About the king…is he a brave man?”

“He’s a meek man…maybe brave in his youth but now he is merely a molding shell,” Isla got up and took Luke to his room. Tucking him in and showing him his newly stitched britches, to which he happily hugged her and said that she was the most wonderful sister.

Leaving his room, Isla made it to the shared room that her and Maude shared. With Maude already asleep, Isla moved to kiss her younger sisters head and went to her own separate bed to sleep.

Thinking of many things, last being Prince Aemond. Before falling asleep.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::

Probably not the best chapter but oh well, been a while since I came back to this story and it felt nice coming back💚

[barkspawn]

Omigod I need the ‘I’m dying’ ‘you’re not dying’ bit with Elliot, like he gets a wicked cold or something and goes full drama kid while being taken care of.

Girl you know I got chu

Elliott was sick. He must have gotten a cold from one of the children while reading to them in the library the previous week. Amelia had always been willing to take care of people she loves, but Yoba, the stereotype about men being babies was so true. 

It was the second, and hopefully last, day he was ill. He had been staying with her for a few days since his cabin didn't really stay warm the way that it should in the winter. 

Amelia was in the kitchen, making some soup as Elliott lounged on the couch. He was going to go mad if he had to continue laying in bed any longer, or so he said. 

"Darling, I'm fairly certain that this is going to be the end of me," Elliott blew his nose into a tissue, having given up the handkerchiefs. His lip curled up in disgust, "I am utterly disgusting and I am certain you are revolted by me. Should I not die from embarrassment, it will be from this ailment."

"You are not dying, Elliott. And I am not disgusted by you, love," she started, ladling some broth into a cup for him to sip, "I just so happen to love you, my dramatic dearest. And when you love people, you take care of them. In sickness-"

She stopped, clearing her throat. That's marriage, Amelia. He's going to think… Well, nevermind. He's too sick to catch on. She walked over to him, holding the mug out to him before sitting beside him to run her fingers through his hair, an action he admitted calmed him greatly. He leaned back against her, upright enough to sip the broth and yet comfortably reclined. He gave up hours ago trying to keep her away in fear of getting her sick. 

He sipped the broth quietly for a few minutes before she touched his forehead, her voice quiet, "your fever seems to be breaking. You're very much alive." 

He hummed in response as he took another sip, "Perhaps I'm not dying then. Certainly not before I thank you for taking care of me," she had moved her arms around him, her arms resting around his torso. She couldn't see, but she could hear the playful tone he failed to hide, "especially not before experiencing you being there for me in health as well."

Thankfully, he couldn't see her blush. She shifted to run her fingers back through his hair again, mumbling, "Shut up. You heard nothing. Your fever is clearly making you delusional."

He gave a small laugh that turned into a fit of coughs, which, of course, turned into a dramatic groan. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, crying out dramatically, "oh no, my love! You can't die on me, not today!"

Elliott rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around hers, "Ha-ha. So very funny," he joked, resting his head back against her shoulder and closing his eyes as she combed her fingers through his hair. It was almost five minutes before she thought he had fallen asleep. She pressed a kiss to the side of his head, very gently. 

"I think I would rather write my own," he hummed, his voice tired. She nearly jumped, almost thinking he was talking in his sleep. Still, she smiled. 

"Your own what, love?"

"Vows, of course," he hummed, his eyes still closed as he spoke, "I've always thought the 'in sickness and in health' was a good idea in thought, but I'd want it to be our own. My own thoughts for you."

Amelia's heart raced a little faster, butterflies exploding once more within her, as they so often did with Elliott. She had daydreamed of him presenting her with the shell or how he'd look at her as he first saw her in her gown. She had assumed it was something that never crossed his mind. After a moment, she hummed, her voice as tired as his, "Yoba help me if you write your own vows. I'll cry and ruin my make-up. I probably couldn't even get out my own vows if I went after you.."

He laughed aloud at that, once more coughing. She frowned, muttering an apology. It sounded so painful… once he seemed to calm down, she smiled into his hair, "if you ever want to.." she paused, not wanting to call it what it would really be, "exchange vows, you're going to have to be sure not die first."

He paused before shaking his head a bit, his fingertips trailing over her arm, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps, "I suppose I'm not dying."

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

182. The Archer

She still finds herself wondering how Joel could have ever left her.

But then how could he stay?

They just weren’t right for each other. As horrible as the way he left was - having an affair and then taking her suitcase - if he hadn’t left, she would still be in a marriage that didn’t make her happy. Not really.

She wonders if there’s anyone who could stay.

On a snowy November night, she thought she’d found someone who would. She thought that inevitable night with Lenny was the beginning of her endgame, but she even pushed him away. With her own bull-headedness, she made sure to nix any opportunity to see just how far this thing between them could really go.

He’s been away for months - god knows where - and she misses him. She misses having someone see through her. He sees who she really is while also being able to see right through all her bullshit.

No one has been able to put her back together since he left. She’s been working and working and working, but personally she’s a mess. And granted, being a mess makes for some damn good comedy, but she’s tired of feeling this way.

She’s so damn tired in general.

He appears one night at her show, and she feels like he’s a mirage until after her set, when he steps up beside her, gently grasping her elbow and guiding her out of the club.

On the sidewalk, she collapses agains his side, feeling just on the edge of consciousness. “Midge?” He whispers.

“'m so tired,” she whimpers, feeling tears in her eyes.

He sighs through his nose, which is resting against the top of her head. “Let’s get you home.”

She nods and lets him guide her to a cab.

---

She’s always been the caretaker in her relationships, so it’s strange to see him roaming around her kitchen, getting her water, rummaging in the fridge for leftovers. “Drink,” he commands gently as he sets down a glass of water in front of her.

She sips, finding it unbelievable how delicious water tastes right now. But then when was the last time she actually took care of herself? She’s taken great care of her children, her parents, even Joel, but she hasn’t taken any time for herself since Carnegie Hall two months ago.

“Thank you,” she whispers when the glass is empty. He sets down a container between them. Chinese food from...two nights ago? She takes a fork and stabs some of the chicken. It’s spicy as hell, but maybe it will give her a jolt.

She chews thoughtfully, and he coughs when the spice hits his tongue. “Holy shit,” he chokes out, chugging his own water. “How the hell do you eat that?”

She shrugs, the movement feeling difficult now that she’s actually acknowledging how tired she is. “How did you know?” She asks quietly.

“Know what?” He asks as he gets up to refill their glasses. 

“That I was running on fumes,” she answers. “I...I didn’t even know.”

He sets her glass in front of her and takes his seat again, nudging the chicken toward her.

“Because you pay attention,” she realizes aloud. “You know how much I’ve been working.”

“Yeah,” he confesses. “I know it’s partly my fault. I told you to work, and I - ”

“It’s not your fault, Lenny,” she interrupts. “I just...I lost so much momentum this year, and I was trying to get back to where I was before Shy dumped me.”

“I know,” he murmurs. “But I also know you. I should’ve known that when I said work, you’d take it to the extreme.”

She sighs, closing her eyes for a moment. It feels really good to be understood like this. To be cared for this way. She vaguely registers his chuckle, and then he’s guiding her to her feet and scooping her up in his arms.

She rests her head on his shoulder as he takes her down the hall to her bedroom. “Now I’d undress you, but you’re close to unconsciousness, and as you once pointed out, I am a gentleman.”

“S’okay,” she promises. “Need help.”

He sets her on the bed. Oh, her bed is so comfortable. The show corset decidedly less so. 

He unzips her as easily as he did that night in his blue room, and she stands with his help, letting the dress fall to the floor as she kicks off her shoes. He helps her out of her corset, and through her bleary vision, she can see him struggling not to look at her.

“You’re allowed to look, Lenny,” she mutters. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“Yes, but if I look, I’m going to have a little bit of a problem,” he reasons, half-joking.

She manages to laugh softly as she tugs her girdle off. “Can you get a nightgown?” She asks, pointing to the dresser.

He nods and heads that way, and she watches him open the drawer. He pulls out a nightgown and gives it to her, letting her slip it over her head as he pulls down the covers.

She used to sleep on the left side, but she’s been sleeping on the right ever since that night with him. She slips under the sheets, resting her head on the pillow, and she feels him press a kiss to her forehead. “Night, Midge,” he whispers before turning to go.

“You could stay,” she whispers. He stops and then turns to her slowly. “If you want,” she adds. “I just...miss you.”

He looks at her for a long moment, and it’s the last thing she sees before sleep overtakes her exhausted body.

Ten hours later, she wakes to find her head pillowed on his chest, and she feels like she can take on the world.

[sinfulpunishment]

✎ᝰ┆A Vessel

─❏ Warnings: none

─❏ Characters: Chuuya Nakahara

─❏ Synopsis: Some thoughts post corruption…

─❏ A/N: will user sinfulpunishment ever let these characters be happy? who knows!

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

My mouth tastes of metal. Blood.

Knees locking because it’s the only thing keeping me from dropping to them, not that it’ll actually save me from tasting the rubble that I so carefully decorated the floor with. Muscles aching, throbbing, the worst coming from the one at my center. It feels like waking up from anesthesia, but if they put you under to let the storm roll over.

I cough into my bare, scraped palms and find more red than there was before I opened my damned muzzle. It’s the same red that stains the ground and the bodies of those whose lives I ripped away from them. It’s evidence of life; ironic that the same evidence comes out of my body considering how dead I feel.

Every part of my body aches, my skin stings and I wish I could rip it from my body and trade it in for a new set. My hands feel heavy and the blood in my palms only makes them feel heavier. I think some scars are invisible because I can still see the red marks that decorate my vessel, even if they’re not really there anymore and I’m still here. I’m me again.

I’m me but I feel like only a husk of myself for now. I know I’ll be back to my full self later—whoever that may be—but the moments leading up to that feel like an eternity. My head is pounding in my skull, it feels it should be a concussion, and I can’t tell if the pounding is my heart beating or something else. Is it even my own heart beating? Or can I somehow hear the life flowing through the only person who still stands by me at the end of it all, after the storm has passed. Though, sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s even alive either. Maybe we died together long ago and now we walk this purgatory—at least I wouldn’t be alone. We’re foredoomed to be together.

Looking around at the leveled land, for a brief second I wonder “What could have done such a thing?” Then I remember: I did that. With my own two hands, I brought about this much destruction and death, it doesn’t even feel real. How could any one person do so much in such little time? Why am I the one that can?

It’s not that any person can, because real people aren’t capable of this. This is akin to the stories children read about monsters, monsters cause chaos and destruction and death, that’s what separates them from people.

I am but a vessel—a carrier for a deadly plague. A disease so strong that I can’t even fight it myself, I have to rely on someone else to control it. It sounds pathetic, like I’m some damsel in distress. It makes my blood boil.

This thing that I must come to terms with as sharing a body with me. The thing that ripped my past away from me as well as my humanity. It’s funny, I don’t feel human and yet others tell me I am, it’s hard to believe them.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if no one stopped the process—if he wasn’t there to stop me. That would be the end for me. My body would destroy itself from the inside out. If I ceased to exist, would the beast within me awaken to new found freedom?

That’s hardly fair. Where’s my freedom? When do I get to be happy? When do I get to come to realize my humanity and accept my existence? When do I get to have a body of my own?

I’m tired of being some pretty little pattern on a furnace of pure rage and power. I want to be me, just Chuuya.

But I guess that’s mostly just wishful thinking. For now, I want to stop coughing up my own blood. I want to stop looking at the damage I caused.

For now, I just want to rest.

You need not wake me again.

— Chuuya Nakahara

a storm.

[didsomeonesayventus]

lord the way i can write in circles about Alear and the visceral experience of [redacted]

(or, the wordbarf of “I am very unhinged about Alear how dare you assume im normal” ft. copious spoilers for like. chp 21 onward because I need tumblr to know I’ve already said most of this on twitter to some extent)

he finally got to experience love and how he finally started recovering from his trauma and how he was at his desperate, frantic wit’s end probably when he first struck sombron down how he probably felt cornered and would rather risk his life and everything else to simply be free of his father how he went in without an emblem and all alone and likely not telling Lumera the full plan probably terrified if he would come out alive 1v1-ing sombron with nothing but fuck it he would rather fight for a chance to live in peace than wait for his dad to find out how “defective” he is and dispose of him like so many siblings and lumera was probably going to stop him because it’s crazy it’s stupid it’s risky it’s not worth it she loves him and promises one day it will end don’t be rash and please hold on but!!!!!! god damn does someone have to try and he is tired of waiting for the chance to get better he cannot fucking take it anymore!!!!! he can’t sit there and wait and worry and be strong he has a sister out there who is at risk every second they carry on their little hidden charade! 

How PAINFUL it is to finally receive kindness and be forced to realize all these scars and all these days spent walking on eggshells is for NOTHING for even what had been kindness before pales in comparison how WOUNDED to realize how damaged you are simply trying to survive and how unfair it all must feel when kindness and love was simply that easy to choose and yet knowing your father would never, EVER be kind.

and contrary to having a gentle and honorable nature that only carried out sombron’s will to survive, coerced into such violence and desolation, the nature that is stilted and a thoughtless machine so he, too, does not join the ranks of failure, the nature that the hero king himself recalls as “You were kind, as you are now.”, despite that gentle, gentle core that somehow survived he has such malice for his father there is no mercy there is no kindness dare I say he- with only a little conflict and concern -relishes the opportunity to personally do his father in because after years of abuse and trauma there is finally catharsis and it pours from him like he is finally vomiting and coughing up the vile dregs of the poison in his system

finally hope that is so disgustingly blinding right in front of him and how he was SO CLOSE he was SO CLOSE to walking away from this he was sick and giddy and the thought that he was going to get away and be free and live happily with his mother and go find veyle and be SAFE and HAPPY FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE and then ITS JUST. TAKEN. IN A SINGLE MOMENT.

how even saying himself the war is over and they don’t have to worry still accepting that he’s a Fell Dragon this is just WHAT HAPPENS as if he is not sitting there dying, struggling to breathe, having just ended a war that nearly wiped out the Divine Dragons, no doubt caused terror across the land, HAVING DONE A GENUINELY OBJECTIVELY GOOD THING THAT HE HIMSELF RECOGNIZED and still saying that Fell Dragons die in the end. how he is no better than the father laying only feet away who treated his children like tools and only spoke his name once when he was born. Lumera says he’ll just sleep and he’ll wake up and it will be fine and how he so subtly doubts that and still speaks as if this is his last chance, simply speculating how, if he does wake up, he wants to be like her AS IF HE ISN’T ALREADY FOR. YOU KNOW. ENDING THE WAR AND SLAYING THE PROBLEM DRAGON.

the way i pull at my hair and scream at the top of my lungs over how AWFUL alear had it and how VINDICATING it is to see him grow and love and rage and scream and cry and find his own way anD KILL HIS OWN SHITTY DAD WITH A LASERBEAM OF LOVE AND ALL THE FRIENDS HE’S MADE AND GETS TO BE DRAGON JESUS HAPPILY EVER AFTER